"Michelle sets aside the political correctness of our society's views and calls a truce between the genders wi
1,533 93 44MB
English Pages 331 [340] Year 2004
author of THE DIVA PRINC
The Power
1
Mastering the
Art of
Femininity
3 michelle mckinney
hammond
W K*K, r
CL
'(TPUUl
HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS EUGENE.
OREGON
£>
Verses marked Niv are taken from the
© 1973,
HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION*. NIV*. Copyright
1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All
rights reserved.
Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Verses marked NKJV are taken from the
New
King James Version. Copyright
©
1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Used by permission. Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New
Living Translation, copyright
©
1996.
Used by
per-
mission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved. Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright © The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Verses marked NEB are taken from
The New
English Bible, copyright
1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by
© Oxford University Press and Cambridge
University Press 1961, 1970. All rights reserved. Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All
nasb
Verses marked
are taken
1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by
Cover
try
Koechel Peterson
Cover photo: Tom Henry
/
from the
©
New American Standard
The Lockman Foundation. Used by
& Associates, Minneapolis, Koechel Peterson
1971.
Used by permission of Tyndale House
rights reserved
Bible*,
© 1960,
Minnesota.
& Associates,
Inc.
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, 200, Colorado Springs,
1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972,
permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Inc.,
7680 Goddard
Street, Suite
CO 80920.
THE POWER OF BEING A WOMAN Formerly The Power of Femininity
Copyright
©
1999/2004 by Michelle McKinney
Hammond
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McKinney Hammond, Michelle, 1957— The power of being a woman / Michelle McKinney Hammond. p.
cm.
ISBN 0-7369-1249-5 1.
3.
Women
in
(pbk.)
—Religious the Bible — Biography.
Christian
women
BV4527.M419
life. I.
2.
African American
—
women
Religious
2004
248.8'43— DC22 All rights reserved. in
life.
Title.
2004002117
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
any form or by any means
—
retrieval system, or transmitted
electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or
any other
—except
brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
04
05
06
07
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DP- MS
/
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
for
.
^SkadiUHV
who
taught
Not
me
to
To my mother, Norma McKinney, rejoice in being a woman by
only did you
fill
life
with
you gave me
femininity, but
of sharing
my
my
with
life
The women
in
all the
example.
wonders of
the precious gift
many mothers
my family are women in their
each extraordinary
own
right.
They have
reflected the beauty, the grace,
and the triumph of the feminine a
little girl I
who watched them pray that
I
spirit to
all
in wonder.
have become
a composite of the best parts of
them
Alexandra Petrona Branker Sarah Ayodele Charity
Sam
Hammond
Eglantine
White
Ernesta Forde
Marion Arkaah
Anna I
me,
Efuatt
Hammond
love you
all.
all.
—
Acknowledgments To the Harvest House
Bob Hawkins, words can Barb
say.
Jr.
family:
Thank you
and Steve Miller
—
I
with me.
for laboring
appreciate you
more than
Carolyn McCready, Betty Fletcher, LaRae Weikert,
Sherrill,
Shana Smith,
Jennifer Ekwere
Julie
—you
McKinney, Teresa Evenson,
are living
examples
of exactly what I'm talking about.
You have made me
Thank you
for
celebrate sisterhood
making my work
Nicole, thank you for being
You
are such a great sister,
Sheila, keep
Bunny and
Terri,
me
I
all
the more!
so enjoyable.
my
right arm.
love you so
much!
straight, girl.
keep nudging, pushing, and praying
for
me.
Peggy, keep cheering.
Valencia, keep reminding me.
Sarah, keep helping me.
Cindy, keep listening. Charlotte, Jan, Karen, Michelle,
Brenda, Theresa, and Dee Dee
—you know what
to do.
What women! Daryll Merchant, Jeff Morrow, Bill Trammell, Joel Brooks, and
Bryant
What can
I
say?
Dwayne
my precious buds and protectors
Thanks
for affirming that being a for- real is
a
good thing!
woman
A Note from the Author 1
Woman
.
to
Woman
9 2.
Back
to Basics
17 3.
Taking the Lead
51 'Bout Birthin Babies
4.
83 5. It's
a
Sister
Thing
113 6.
How
to
Build Your
House
145 7.
The Strength of Vulnerability 175 8.
The Power of Influence
209 Going over His Head
9.
239 10.
An Ounce
of Praise
267 1 1
.
The Reward of Virtue 303
lA
(70rt&
J
s
he opened the windows allowing the
Son
filling his
this
man
to
fill
room
world with light
which she
to
the
said "I do"
with promises of to have and to hold for richer
or poorer in sickness
and till
in health
death do us part
amen took in his surroundings as she
the reflection of love in his eyes parted curtains of contentment
allowing a breeze of inspiration to cool his brow...
an yes, that's
an
oasis
what
this
home was
oasis
a place of refreshment
and healing from as she greeted
all
the outside world inflicted
him
with tender embraces
and adoration serving
him encouragement
and solace piping hot and delicious
followed with a thick coating of
soothing
146
.
..
"you-can-make-it because-I'm-here-for-you" sauce
her hand traced creative patterns on his shoulders chasing away worry and tension
while the scent of her
him
caused
to
have pleasant amnesia
about the cares of the day
home was not where it
only
his heart
was where
his treasure
growing more precious years
was
abode
as the
went by sparkling in her eyes
as
she viewed her handiwork
and the delight he took this
it.
.
alone.
.
miniature world that belonged to
yes,
in
he was home.
them
.
147
man
ebekah saw the lone
standing in the distance,
studying her intently. Clearly he was not from these parts.
had the look of a well-worn sensed his weariness.
How
traveler
and her heart softened
could she refuse
when he
He
as she
asked for a
drink? There was a kindness in his face that appealed to her sense of giving. Surely his camels needed watering as well. least
It
was the
she could do. She would want someone to do the same for
her brothers
if
they had traveled so
far.
This she did with no
thought of reward, only of the satisfaction she experienced from performing an act of kindness. So pleasant was her surprise
when
she was presented with the substantial
And,
upon
pleasure
pleasure, this
a faraway land!
marveled on suddenly
many
As
how
filled
man was
gift
of gold jewelry.
the servant o{ relatives in
she ran to call her father and brothers, she
this
had
all
come
about.
An ordinary day was How
with excitement in a matter of moments.
times had she gone to draw water at the well, day after day,
and returned home with no But today was ferent.
The
like
special occurrences along the
no other
servant was asking
riage to his master! Truly, this
believe
it,
if
day.
No,
this
way?
was entirely
dif-
she would give her hand in mar-
was the Lord's doing. She couldn't
yet she heard herself agreeing to go with
148
him
to live
How
to Build
the rest of her days with a
man
Your House
149
she had never seen. Yet she
felt
such peace. Throughout the journey she rehearsed a hundred times her greeting to this mystery man. She plied the servant
What was her husband
with questions.
like?
Was he kind? Obvi-
ously he was successful, but was he handsome, too? However,
men never seemed
to be able to gauge
if
other
men
were attrac-
Would he be Would he be the man she'd always dreamed of marrying? So many pieces of a puzzle! She could not yet see how they fit together in any kind of significant order. Though the journey seemed to take forever, still it ended too soon when she finally stood before him, searching for the words she would have to see for herself.
tive, so that
romantic and expressive?
she had rehearsed over and over in her mind.
This was kind and
it.
real.
This was no fantasy.
Their marriage was
He was real. Handsome and
real
and immediate. As he took
her into his mother's tent, she breathed a prayer that she, too,
would be
all
he loved
her,
that he
had dreamed
and was comforted
of.
So she became
his wife,
and
after his mother's death.
What Wives Are Made Of "What do I have to offer?" my girlfriend was asking me. "I'm still at home with my parents with nothing to show for myself.
What do I have
to offer a
man?" As
I
come from
background of African and West Indian descent, sensical question to
me.
What
a cross-cultural this
was a non-
did she mean, what did she have
woman with extraordinary gifts that, no doubt, would make some man deliriously happy when he found her. I thought of myself and how many times my home had been a source of intimidation to men who had started pursuing me. Mind you, I am not saying that we should put our to offer to a
lives
man? She was
on hold
until Mr.
a wonderful
Wonderful shows up so that he can
feel
The Power of Being a
150
that he
is
truly rescuing us
Woman
from an unfortunate
of forty, this would not be a good testimony.
fate.
At
the age
bring this up only
I
to point out that many men feel they have nothing to offer most women because the women have gotten it all for themselves. And we confirm this by wearing a self- sufficient attitude, leaving no room for the man to feel as if he can add anything else to our world. We must be careful of this. But the greater point I am trying to make is that everything a woman has to offer to a man is
actually within her.
pings.
It is
Many women have
not in the accumulation of outer trapall
the externals together but
still
don't
man or know how to please him. inform my friend that this whole phe-
have a clue about the needs of a took
I
it
upon myself to
nomenon of people
living independently before marriage
an American concept. In other countries Third World until they
—men and women
and the dimensions o{ the family
couple might remain in the family is
not really a foreign concept;
women
The man worked
bride,
and then she went to
released to that security.
this
is
sound. Their
man
Now,
Actually,
where
it is
the
until
it is
after
they are married.
a biblical one.
Men and
after
isn't
for his
with her husband. She was only
he had made provision
for
her care
that a fine concept?
a rather smart one. Economically, countries
homes
more people who
are usually paid for
no one has
upkeep o{ everything
main
he had a home prepared
live
practiced have
family for years so to the
home
estate, the
remained with their parents until they were prepared to
leave.
and
their parents
have married. Sometimes, depending on the financial
status of a family
This
really
—European, Asian, and
home with
live at
is
to scrape
else
up
are financially
and have been in the rent.
They
contribute
amongst themselves and bank
part of their earnings or invest
it
in
Emotionally, daughters are more secure because
more
property.
men
with bad
How
Build Your
to
House
151
intentions are less likely to brave the protective observance of a
community
father. Also, familial
growing
selfish.
The adjustment
from
living keeps everyone
to marriage
is
helped because
people have never lived in an isolated environment and grown attached to having their
"own space" and
way of doing
individual
things.
This goes
who
said, "I
all
am
the
way back
to Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom,
going there to prepare a place for you.
go and prepare a place for you,
me
be with
feast for us.
come back and
will
may be where I am" (John
that you also
And that's not all!
I
His Father
Now, what
is
is
And
if I
take you to 14:2,3 Niv).
preparing the ultimate wedding
expected of the bride?
The
bride
is
expected to show up wearing pure garments, ready to worship. That's
it.
We'll cover worship in a later chapter, but for
you've got to take note that expects
is
a
woman who
all
the bridegroom really wants or
him and him alone
has kept herself for
and the understanding of what
now
it
takes to
make him
feel
good.
That's what worship and praise does for anyone. Worship and
beyond
praise extends
care of someone,
just vocal utterance;
what you do
to
make
it
extends to your
his world a pleasurable
place to be. I
must
letters
on
interject
something here because
this subject,
and
demnation on the purity dare
I
say most,
others, in trol
I
I
receive many,
many
don't want anyone falling into con-
issue.
Everyone in the body of Christ,
have not been saved
all
of their lives.
And many
and out of the church, are struggling to maintain con-
over their
flesh.
Some have been
married before, widowed,
or divorced. Therefore, the percentage of actual "virgins" per capita
is
are not
a minority. For those of you
who are tempted
worthy wife material because of your
record straight once and for
all.
This
is
to feel
you
past, let us set the
why Jesus
died.
He
died
.
The Power of Being a
152
When He
for all sin.
said
all sin,
some of you think that your me, they
deep that
He meant all
God
can't get
"'Come now,
Though
it
let us
sin.
"You
will again
hurl
all
like
I
There
no
is
sin stain so
they shall be as
scarlet,
as
crimson, they
wool'" (Isaiah 1:18 Niv).
have compassion on
you
us;
will.
.
our iniquities into the depths of the sea"
(Micah 7:19 "For
know
reason together,' says the LORD.
white as snow; though they are red
be
I
out.
your sins are like
shall
Now,
sin.
particular sins are special, but trust
under the category oiall
fall
Woman
Niv).
will forgive
their wickedness
and
will
remember their sins no more" (Jeremiah 3 1 :34 Niv). "Forget the former things; do not dwell See,
I
am doing a new thing! Now
you not perceive
"Not that
I
it?"
it
made
past.
springs up;
do
(Isaiah 43:18,19 Niv).
have already obtained
already been
on the
perfect, but
I
all this,
or have
on
to take
press
hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold oi me. Brothers,
hold of
do not consider myself yet
I
it.
But one thing
I
behind and straining toward
on toward the has called
goal to
what
win the
me heavenward
to
have taken
do: Forgetting what is
ahead,
prize for
I
is
press
which God
in Christ Jesus" (Philip-
pians 3:12-14 NIV, emphasis added).
I
hope
this has
been enough
to
convince you that
around nursing and rehearsing your past
That
is
false
is
condemnation, and Satan loves to use
you from moving forward. Everyone has a
sitting
not the way to go.
past,
it
to paralyze
God
bless the
How
Build Your
to
House
153
who don't, and that's why we all need Jesus. Men included. They come bringing their own baggage. If you have confessed few
your sins to God, you don't need to continually discuss them with anyone
else.
Unless something in your past
health or would become an issue in your
new
now affects your
marriage,
I
suggest
you leave your experiences under the blood and keep them
between yourself and
Jesus.
There
is
a difference
tantly confessing
and having a testimony. To give
about every
thing you've ever done
little
up things in your
(^
/
as
bla-
details
self-defeating. It stirs
spirit that are better left
dormant. Satan uses
(jDthing affects a
man as
deeply
an encounter with a woman who
womanly
new
life
if
our step-
were some Olympian triumph on our
am now?
"See
how good
bad
was before! Look
I
qualities.
becomes an area of pride. As
this area very subtly. It
I
illicit
is
has
ping into a
between
at
part:
Well, you would never believe
how
triumphant me!" Don't rejoice in
that,
rather rejoice in the fact that you've been
redeemed by a loving
a precious jewel, worthy to die for. And He thought you were worthy to die for, then believe me, any man in his right mind will think you worthy to marry, regardless of your past mistakes. Why? Because they are looking at the new
Savior
who thought you
if
you, the redeemed you.
The you
that has been washed clean in
The Power of Being a
154
Woman
the blood of the Lamb. Because of Jesus, as you allow
Him
to
keep your body, you can consider yourself a virgin again. All a
man is
good
in purity
looking for
is
a
woman of godly principle who walks And that's who you are
and knows how to worship.
now!
One of my friends was addressing a group of women at a conference and said, "A man wants three things to be well-fed, well-loved in the sexual sense, and well-appreciated." One woman rose up and irately asked, "And what do I get out of it?" Quite surprised the woman even had to ask, my friend replied,
—
"Why,
you'll
be well-loved, well-kept, and well-satisfied!" I've
my male friends. They love feminine women. Nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities. They literally purr when they recall their listened to
interaction with her.
Rebekah was a virgin and she went to meet Isaac with nothing except her clothing and a maidservant. But she went packing a
whole
lot
more
brothers, she
inside.
Because she grew up surrounded by
had learned the ways of men.
We know from her first
encounter with her prospective husband's servant that she understood
how
to serve a
man. She understood the value of his pos-
and respected them
sessions
conducted herself like a
as things to
be cared for
as well.
lady, yielded to the decision of her father
and brothers, took a giant leap of faith, and got the bonus
The
She
prize.
Bible says that Isaac loved her and was comforted by her.
Rebekah was loving.
a
woman who had warmth. She was
She was
a
good cook
—
this
we know from
attractive later
and
on when
she cooks up a delicious stew in order to help her son Jacob get the blessing.
have a
on the
She knew how
to
make
a house a
home. Whether you
man or not, you should do these things. Begin to practice men who are already in your world. If you are single, your
How
and
brothers, cousins,
to
Build Your
friends
for
being a
man or no man, do it for yourself
and your own sense of completion.
Do
it
for
your loved ones and
Do it as a testimony to the grace within you.
your friends. is
155
can help you to prepare
good mate and homemaker. So,
There
House
something to be said
for
waking up in the morning
and being pleased that you've made your home the best home could be, no matter tant because your
how simple
or elaborate
it is.
This
is
it
impor-
home reflects who you are. When people
leave
your home, they should leave with a sense of knowing something
about you they didn't
know before. When people walk
mood should change. The atmosphere
apartment or house, their of your
home
should reflect peace and well-being. People should
sense the presence of God in your thirsty,
weary
is
where we
to the is
the
You
is
It
should be an oasis for
more than just your physical house;
the hearts of those
It is
all really live.
who
surround you.
mix extends beyond the idea of the
way everyone under your roof
friends, yourself.
I
The woman
It
how
recall visiting
is
some
you
walls
heart
live within. It
affected by your presence.
everyone
When
feels
—
friends in
children, mate,
New York awhile
was
as if
she arrived home, the whole atmos-
the sun had
the evening. Suddenly the house
and excited. The
The
your
of the house worked unusual hours, so she was
out most of the day.
phere changed.
it is
Therefore, the flavor your spirit brings
get to set the stage for
back.
home.
souls.
But your home household.
into your
air
came
come out alive.
in the middle of
Everyone was happy
was charged with love and the anticipation of
a wonderful time before everyone retired for the night. All of this
because of one
woman who possessed
and a contagious laugh.
a sweet
spirit,
a gentle way,
a
The Power of Being a
156
"The wise woman
own hands
Woman
builds her house, but with her
the foolish one tears hers
down"
(Proverbs 14:1 Niv).
Everything revolves around the the
title
of a delightful book,
Happy (Lindsey O'Connor, truth. Just take a look at
"Better to live a
woman
of the house.
I
love
If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Harvest House). And that's the
how
a
woman
affects a house.
on the corner of the roof than
share
house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 21:9
NIV).
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome
and ill-tempered wife" (Proverbs 21:19 Niv).
"A
quarrelsome wife
is
like a
constant dripping on
a rainy day" (Proverbs 27:15 Niv).
"A
foolish
woman
is
clamorous, she
is
simple,
and
knows nothing" (Proverbs 9:13 NKJV). "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout
woman who shows no
is
a beautiful
discretion" (Proverbs 11:22
NIV).
"For three things the earth hateful
woman when
she
perturbed, yes for...
is
is
married" (Proverbs
30:21,23 NKJV).
"A
wife of noble character
but a disgraceful wife
is
is
her husband's crown,
like
decay in his bones"
(Proverbs 12:4 NIV).
That about sums for a
man
that he
it
up.
A woman can make life so miserable
would rather abide
in the desert.
Her
attitude
How
can eat up a
tection.
The man
off opposition
surround that
women
single
should
Build Your
House
157
man and completely destroy him. She can choose to
power she has
use the
to
is
to
make him
or break him.
called to walk in front of the
and danger, but the
woman
She
is
woman to ward
has been created to
man and protect his heart. I'm still speaking to the here, as well. Every man who crosses your path
feel better
when he
is
in your presence.
derful opportunity to perfect your gifts while
how to build your house now. What is a house? What is its wards off the elements.
It
You have
you are
covers you in times of rain, storms,
your possessions and keeps them
safe. It gives
It
you a place to feed,
harbors
you
know where
rest,
to
keeps
It
safe
all
of
bound-
and consistency; you return to the same place every
provides access to others, as people you.
Learn
function exactly? Well, a house
you warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
It offers
won-
a
single.
heat, cold, snow, anything that could affect your health.
aries
his pro-
come
day. It
to find
and even to cleanse your-
self.
As
a wife, or a godly
woman, the man
that his heart, his secrets,
You should be the one
and
his
in your
emotions are
life
should feel
safe
with you.
to contribute to regulating his emotions
and decisions, cooling him down when he's hot under the and fanning the flame to tions,
and
one who
his is
stir
up
his passion for
home. You should be
his
God,
collar,
his ambi-
haven of consistency, the
always there, the one he can always count on.
knows what
to expect
from you because your character
is
He so
He should not come home every day to find a different woman who he can't figure out living in his house. He should sound.
have access to your heart, your your counsel
He
all
softness,
your reassurances, and
the time, and vice versa. You should be his oasis.
should be refreshed in your presence.
And
because of your
— The Power of Being a
158
Woman
good example, he wants to be the best he can be
for you.
put away anything that could
sully
him
the face of the earth affects a
man
like the softness of a
Of all
the things that he
bring
him more
the
woman he
may
He will
Nothing on
woman.
acquire in his lifetime, nothing can
joy or pain than to be
longs
in your eyes.
welcomed or spurned by
after.
"You have stolen
my heart, my sister, my bride; you
my
heart with one glance of your
have stolen
How delightful is your love, my sister, my How much more pleasing is your love than
eyes....
bride!
wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!
my
Your
lips
bride; milk
You
drop sweetness
and honey
are
are a garden locked up,
as the
honeycomb,
under your tongue. ...
my sister, my bride; you
are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.... You are
a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming
down from Lebanon" (Song
of Songs 4:9-12,15
NIV).
When a man is in love, he is in love. "Can't keep his mind on nothhV
else," as
the Shulamite
One glance
the song goes.
Solomon was deeply
woman. Why? The
into her eyes
girl
in love with
knew how to build a house.
—
eyes filled with trust
leveled him. Loving her was a pleasure.
and adoration
She looked good, smelled
good, and was a delight to be around. Her love was intoxicating.
And
she always had something sweet to
that
left
him
speechless.
creet. Therefore, she
She was lost.
She walked
had his
trust.
say.
The
in purity
girl
and she was
She was downright
a sanctuary, a beautiful garden in
This was where he found his peace.
had a rap dis-
refreshing.
which he loved
to get
— How
Build Your
to
House
159
Construction 101 Because most
men will agree
that a house
the feminine touch has been applied,
make
is
not a
think
which a man can
begin with a sound foundation of
feel at
How
to
do we
home? Well,
trust.
Solomon spoke of the Shulamite being meaning that she had kept her love
home until
we now need
sure we're all equipped with the right tools.
build a good, solid house in let's
I
for
a sealed fountain,
him. She had not slept
with other men. She had self-control. Her "fountain" was for her
husband
only.
him and kept
Because she had exercised restraint before meeting it
until their
he was away from
he could then
vessel,
him,
her. If
as well.
Therefore, a
wedding
day,
he could
trust
he could
trust
her
her to keep the things pertaining to
Men don't trust many people man
her to
when keep her own
trust
needs to
know he can
in their outside world.
woman. Ask
trust his
man his pet peeve, and he'll tell you that he hates it when woman in his life discusses his business with her friends
any the
his business being your relationship. Discretion
What you choose
man.
The man
in your
life
to shout abroad
needs to
trust
you
He
discreetly, free of panic,
In
1
arise
his undoing.
hide his heart, his
needs to
you to handle the situations that
important to a
can lead to
know he can
dreams, and his secrets with you.
is
know
that he can
between the two of
without sounding every alarm.
Samuel, chapter 25, we find a
woman who had this down
to a science. Perhaps because Abigail's husband, Nabal,
and that was not a
fool,
fact she
to handle his mistakes quietly
him.
and
was a
wished to broadcast, she learned
and without drawing attention to
When King David was camping out on Nabal's territory, he
his troops ran out of food.
for provisions.
flocks
and
So he sent word
to
Nabal asking
Because his troops had been protecting Nabal's
crops,
David thought
this
was a
fair
exchange. But
The Power of Being a
160
Nabal
foolishly chose to insult
vowed
very angry and
Woman
David and his men. David became
Nabal and
to destroy
One
his household.
of Nabal's servants then went to Abigail to inform her about
what was happening. Summing up what had happened, he something very interesting:
can do, because household. (1
He
disaster
is
Samuel 25:17
is
"Now think
man that no one can talk to him"
Why did the servant feel that he could go
to Abigail? Because she
was "a
woman
and of a beautiful countenance" sense,
over and see what you
hanging over our master and his whole
such a wicked Niv).
it
said
(1
of good understanding,
Samuel 25:3
Kjv).
She had
and she was approachable, kind, and discerning! She
didn't fuss at her husband; she quietly took action.
She gathered
the provisions needed, then set off to appease David.
And did a
though David was not a member of her household, she
little
housekeeping with him, too. She politely reminded
him that he had a call on his this situation
was getting.
life
much greater than the
attention
He should preserve his wrath for more
important battles, staying focused on God's plan for his
not adding needless bloodshed to his destiny, so
much
the Lord brought that
if it
so that she asked
him
into success.
credit.
him
to
She believed
and
in his
remember her when
David was quick to
tell
her
hadn't been for her, every male belonging to Nabal
would have been dead by daybreak. Because of her, assuaged.
life
"A gracious woman retaineth honour"
his
wrath was
(Proverbs 11:16
KJV).
So Abigail went home
to find her
husband having a
Did she tap him on the shoulder and proceed to or two right there and then?
tell
him
party.
a thing
No, she held her peace
until
morning, and then she respectfully related everything that had
happened. The to Nabal.
moment the story was
He had a stroke, fell
told,
something happened
into a coma, or
had
a heart attack.
How
Who
to
Build Your
House
can say? But his end came ten days
struck
him and he
sent for Abigail to
David
as
the Lord
his wife. He knew a good thing when me back to my point about single women
become
absorbing this information.
know who
when
later
When David heard of NabaPs death, he
died.
he saw one. This brings
never
161
I'll
repeat what
said earlier:
I
You
watching you. Abigail was not looking
is
at
husband material. She was merely protecting her house.
Little did she
And what
know
that she was planting seeds for her future.
a harvest
it
was!
She became a wife
to the king of
Israel.
Now that we have our foundation in place, frame. Prudence will keep a house firm
on within
its
walls.
Prudence
is
let's
deal with the
no matter what
is
a precious commodity.
"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife
is
from the LORD" (Proverbs 19:14
NIV).
"A [woman] who
lacks
judgment derides
[her]
neighbor, but a [woman] of understanding holds [her]
tongue" (Proverbs 11:12 NIV).
"A prudent [woman] self],
keeps
[her]
knowledge to
[her-
but the heart of fools blurts out folly"
(Proverbs 12:23 NIV).
"Every prudent [woman] acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes [her] folly" (Proverbs 13:16 NIV).
"The wise standing,
in heart are called prudent, under-
and knowing, and winsome speech
increases learning [in both speaker
and
Understanding
to those
have
it,
is
a wellspring of
life
but to give instruction to fools
listener].
who is folly. The
going
The Power of Being a
162
mind of the wise
Woman
mouth, and adds
instructs [her]
learning and persuasiveness to [her]
words are
honeycomb, sweet
as a
Pleasant
lips.
to the
mind and
healing to the body" (Proverbs 16:21-24 AMP).
Now you know why Abigail didn't waste her time saying anyknew
thing to Nabal. She
and
battles
left
break the
spirit
it
would be
And
the rest to the Lord.
way on her
a major
that
of a
to
She chose her
the Lord showed up in
Take a lesson from Abigail.
behalf.
man
useless.
make
Why
a point?
allow a fool to
bring out the fool in you? Just take care of your house.
worth salvaging,
him
take
and
will deal
It
of the unnecessary mess.
walk hand in hand.
wisdom
is
walls. "I,
the roof.
If he's
not,
he
God
is
will
doesn't major in the minors or minor in
assesses a situation
It
with him.
If
end, by God. Prudence sees the big picture
acts accordingly.
the majors. all
God
The
out.
Why
If It
and takes decisive action, minus
That
prudence
keeps a
lid
why prudence and wisdom
is
is
the frame of the house, then
on
all
that transpires within
wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
I
its
possess knowl-
edge and discretion" (Proverbs 8:12 Niv).
Another and
translation says that
finds out
ative use of
wisdom dwells with prudence
knowledge of witty inventions. Wisdom makes
its
knowledge. Every feminine
woman knows
cre-
that
there are ways to get things done without wreaking havoc. Back
when King David was suffering from the rebellion of son Absalom, another man named Sheba rose up and caused
in the days his
the children of Israel to rebel against David after he returned
When
home. after
David was
resettled in the palace, his
army went
Sheba. They found him hiding in a city called Abel Beth
Maacah, so they
built a siege
ramp up
tering the wall of the city to bring
"a wise
woman"
it
called over the wall
to the city
down. The
and began
bat-
story goes that
and asked Joab, who was
How
to
Build Your
leading the siege, what he wanted.
House
When he
he was there to take Sheba, she told him,
and
faithful in Israel.
mother
in Israel.
inheritance?" (2
You
Why
163
informed her that
"We
are the peaceful
are trying to destroy a city that
is
do you want to swallow up the Lord's
Samuel 20:18
Niv). Joab replied that this was
not his intention; he simply wanted Sheba. She answered that that was
all
him from
a
if
he wanted, the head of Sheba would be thrown to
the wall. Notice that she did not get pulled into a long
conversation or
let
the threatening force enter her gates. She just
went about the business of doing what had It
head
found a way to make
(7~ (_^hese women
it
men
to reverse
happen.
understood that
a great part of their purpose was the
done
does not say that she went after Sheba's
the course of events. herself; she just
to be
in their world centered
to
keep
on
the
purposes of God being played out to completion in their lives. affect every
Every
man
is
called to
within her sphere
of influence in
She
woman
this
fashion.
Who Has an Ear
The woman went advice,"
to all the people in the city with her "wise
and they cut off Sheba's head and threw
it
over the wall.
1
The Power of Being a
64
The army dispersed and went
—
from destruction
name was not
all
its
Woman
way, and thus the city was saved
because of one wise woman.
disclosed, but her story
The woman's
recorded because o{
is
importance. She had no high position in the
city,
its
but she had a
reputation for wisdom, and the leaders obviously listened to her.
When the army was battering down the wall, no one had made a move except
woman
to
cower against the impending doom. This one
asked the wisest question any
man: "What do you want?" You listens.
Listen to the
and then give
it
man
to him.
It
see,
in your
woman could
wisdom
life.
is
ever ask her
wise because she
Find out what he wants,
keeps the army from destroying your
house, your relationship, your state of well-being, and your heart.
"Catch
for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin
the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom"
(Song of Songs 2:15 Niv). It's
the
everyday ignored.
little bits
life
The
that ruin things.
The
through the crevices of
The accumulation needs and
of requests
desires.
The
small
lack of accommodating the other's sen-
All of a sudden, what started off as a tiny crack in the
wall of love has
when
falling
belittling of another's
offenses overlooked. sitivities.
and pieces
become
the damage took
a leveled wreck. its toll,
No one can recall quite
now
but
the repair will be very
costly.
This
woman took the time
attacked.
to find out
the city was being
She went beyond what her eyes could
root of the problem.
it
getting the credit, or even saving her
thing greater than that.
common
see to get to the
When the problem was voiced,
solution and solicited help bringing
the
why
thread in
Once all
again,
of this
—
about.
own life. I
it
It It
she found a
wasn't about her
was about some-
hope that you
are noticing
was about the purposes of
How
Build Your
to
House
165
God being protected. Abigail brought it up, and the wise woman also brought
made
it
up. Everything, every decision
in the light of God's purposes for our lives
These
others.
women
pose was to keep the
made, must be
and the
understood that a great part of their pur-
men
on the
in their world centered
poses of God being played out to completion in their
woman
is
ence in
this fashion.
lives of
called to affect every
man
lives.
pur-
Every
within her sphere oi influ-
Joab was not the wise woman's husband, but nevertheless, he
man
was a
messing with the purposes of
the destiny of a nation.
took a woman
It
God and to bring
messing with to his atten-
it
tion.
The
halt,
and an alternative to the destruction was found. "The
oi the
realization of this brought everything to a screaming
LORD
It is
is
fear
the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs 9:10 Niv).
God's purposes which supply the mortar that keeps the
whole house standing.
our relationship with
It is
Him
that fur-
nishes us with true wisdom.
Through the guidance of His Holy
Spirit instructing us, "This
the way, walk ye in
Kjv),
and
we
is
it"
(Isaiah 30:21
receive fresh advice daily for every situation in our lives
relationships. This
Wisdom
trusts
leaning to
There
its is
God
own
is
the "daily bread"
completely and
is
we need
to ask
for.
never presumptuous in
understanding.
something special about a
art of gently leading
sions for her house.
her
woman who
masters the
man to see reason and to make wise deci-
Art
is
not about manipulation.
It is
about
possessing an understanding of the subject and the appropriate
technique of rendering. the
artist
is
No
two pictures are the same because
sensitive to the object being captured.
cognizant of the limitations of the
An
artist
is
medium being used. You can't
be heavy-handed with water paint;
it
would ruin the paper.
And
Woman
The Power of Being a
166
canvas must be prepared in order for
and age properly once the work
"The
fear of the
LORD
is
oil or acrylic
paint to dry
complete.
teaches a [woman] wisdom,
and humility comes before honor" (Proverbs 15:33 NIV).
"A
wise [woman's] heart guides [her] mouth, and
[her] lips
promote instruction" (Proverbs 16:23
NIV).
"Her ways [wisdom]
are pleasant ways,
and
all
her
paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17 NIV).
"A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh
word
stirs
up anger" (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).
And so the beauty of art is in its originality and technique. God is the greatest artist of all. No two snowflakes are the same. No two women are the same. No two men are the same. We are each unique, bearing our syncrasies.
is
seven
"Wisdom has
pillars"
That
is
needs and
idio-
whole marriage thing was as
one
why wisdom,
in spite of
it all.
godly wisdom,
built her house; she has
hewn
out
is
its
(Proverbs 9:1 NIV).
Wisdom keeps the house that threaten to destroy it
this
—two people walking
a divine mystery.
required.
set of individual
Small wonder Paul said
a mystery. Imagine
That
own
it.
in order
and covers
WTiat are the seven
able to withstand the storms of
life
from
all
forces
pillars that
make
it
and relationships? Pru-
dence, knowledge, discretion, counsel, sound judgment, understanding, and power.
and
fitted
God
wants every
woman
to be equipped
with these qualities so she can save her house and the
testimonies of the
men who
surround her.
How
When the Jews
Build Your
House
167
were confronted with a life-and-death
book of
tion in the
to
Queen
Esther,
Esther
felt
situa-
that she did not
qualify as a part of the solution. But her cousin, Mordecai,
reminded her that perhaps her position
as
queen was the only
reason she was where she was. Therefore, she needed to use her influence to persuade her husband to save her people. In other
words, this faculties
is it,
need to kick in now
to be handled carefully,
godly
your womanly
girlfriend, if you're a wife, all of
as
never before. This situation had
and Esther knew
woman, her husband was not
and worshiped other gods.
it.
Though
a believer.
He was
Knowledge made Esther
she could not go sweeping into his throne
room
what she needed from him. So
Persian
realize that
using religion as
man
her argument. She had to appeal to his senses as a to get
she was a
after fasting
in order
and waiting on
the counsel of God for three days, she took the time to look her best
and pay her husband a
visit.
When
he saw
her,
he was so
pleased that he offered her half his kingdom. But understanding instructed Esther not to get caught up in the
needed to
moment. She
stay focused. Therefore, all she asked for
ence, along with
was his pres-
Haman's (the man who was a threat
to the lives
of her and her people), at a banquet she had prepared for him.
Can you
imagine what that did to his ego?
Wisdom knows
that there's a time for everything. After he was well-fed and feeling adored, the king again offered Esther half of his
kingdom.
him and Haman
She responded that her only
desire
was
join her again at dinner. Well,
he
feeling pretty special. Esther
was exhibiting discretion
left
at its finest.
be enough to make even the wisest
for
The
to
threat of death would
woman
panic, but prudence
kept watch, waiting for the opportune time to broach the subject.
When the king returned for a second banquet,
again offering
her half the kingdom, Esther's sound judgment kicked
in. It
was
The Power of Being a
168
Woman
time to lay her request before her husband. This was
power
as a
woman took control.
revealed that her
were
at stake.
Though
life
Still
when
wrapped in femininity, she
was in danger and that the
As her distress was revealed,
lives of her
people
the king rose in a rage.
the people in trouble were without his house, the
his wife also affected his
own
life
her
life
of
and house. He demanded
to
know who was responsible for this. As Esther pointed to the perpetrator, Haman's fate was sealed. He threw himself across Esther's couch, pleading for mercy, but the king decided that he had gotten too close for comfort and ordered
was then given to Esther, nine
him hanged. Haman's house
who passed
it
on
to Mordecai.
A femi-
woman will possess the house of her enemies and those who
come to cause division and strife. Her house will be established in unity as her husband rises up to be her protector, her cover, and
her provider, whether he
Once Esther.
again, other
is
men
godly or not.
were affected besides the husband of
Her influence saved the
the purposes of
God
lives of
in their lives.
many men and
And
fulfilled
because she chose to
build her house with wisdom, her husband yielded to her desires,
asking her what else would she like for
her husband her the occasion.
is
in turn,
made
to do. Esther
and her hero, and he was pleased to
And she,
covering. This to feel secure.
ally
him
rise to
was pleased to dwell beneath
the type of house that causes
all
within
its
his
walls
A woman submitted to her Lord and King can rest
secure in the knowledge that her house
is
standing on solid
ground.
You must take note that wisdom did not descend on Esther. She built her personal house
been prepared
for
just first.
suddenly
She had
"such a time as this" long before she entered
the palace oi the king. She was already established in her relationship with
God. Her feminine
skills
had been honed
in the
How
home
House
Build Your
to
169
of her cousin, as he had taught her the
making
a
home
needed
skills
The eunuchs
as well as the things of God.
for
in the
palace added the finishing touches to an already-exquisite vessel
ways of women. Esther
as they detailed the finer aspects of the
was prepared without and within. She was walking in the knowledge that she had acquired before she had been selected to marry the king. Therefore, ically
when crisis struck,
she was able to automat-
flow in the right manner.
work and
"Finish your outdoor after that, build
Another
get your fields ready;
your house" (Proverbs 24:27 Niv).
translation says, "First put
all
in order out of doors
and make everything ready on the land; then establish your house and home" (NEB). In other words, acquire to
know and
put
entrenched in your heart. will
and get
in order
it
Then
all
all
that you need
that you've learned firmly
the stage will be
and you
set,
be ready to build and establish a home. Building takes prep
work. You must gather your supplies in the right quantities.
And
then, with the help of the Lord, the Master Builder, you must
become your
a skillful craftsman.
home will affect how "Except the
LORD
vain that build
Dear Heavenly clay. Build Fill
it
my
with the
it"
Father,
it
Remember
stands.
that
what you put into
So build your house
carefully.
builds the house, they labour in
(Psalm 127:1 Kjv).
You are
house. Furnish
aroma of Your
it
the Potter,
and
I
am
with the fruit of the
anointing. Decorate
the Spirit.
me
in
1
The Power of Being a
70
wisdom and dwell in
my
truly listen
virtue
that
,
presence
and hear
1
might be a sanctuary
Grant me
.
Woman
the gift of
the needs of others.
to all
who
discernment
Teach
me
the
of women according to Your original design. Strengthen to
withstand the
fast
when
tests
of storms and
the very foundations of all
are shaken.
As
I
and a haven for
In Jesus' name.
1
Help me
believe in
stand fast in Your promise
stone that stands firm in place,
trials.
my
life,
me
stand
and hope for
to be the
make me an
the hearts of those
to
to
ways
oasis,
Corner-
a quiet
You send my way.
Amen.
^Stiuw LJjieAtuHUS 1.
What
traditions
position of the affected the
2.
have changed over the years about the
woman until
way she
What do men fear
is
she
is
married?
perceived by a
How has
man?
about independent and successful
women?
3.
What
advantages are there to familial living?
this
How
4.
to
Build Your
House
171
How does dwelling on past mistakes keep us from moving forward?
5.
6.
men
looking for in a
things does he
want from her?
What
are
woman? What
three
How can a woman prepare herself for marriage
and
homemaking?
7.
How can the
atmosphere oi your
home
affect people
who
spend time there?
8.
How can a woman's
attitude
and personality
affect
her
spouse?
9.
What with?
three things should a
man feel
safe to trust
you
The Power of Being a
172
10.
What
11.
Why
12.
How does prudence keep
about a
is
woman
affects a
Woman
man more
discretion important to a
than anything?
man?
the foundation of your
home
firm?
13.
What
is
an important component of applying wisdom to
any situation?
14.
What
15.
How did Esther get her husband
16.
What
are the seven pillars that
keep a house standing?
to listen to her needs?
prep work do you need to do in order to be ready
to build your house?
How
17.
What home?
things have
to
Build Your
House
1
73
weakened the foundation of your
How can you begin the
rebuilding process?
whose needs do you think of first?
18.
In times of crisis,
19.
How are you applying yourself to gaining more wisdom?
20.
How are you
influencing your
God-given destiny?
man
to follow after his
SEVEN
fGibiSte
.
3
he called him Lord
and crowned him with her graciousness following beside shielded by his protective arms
she basked in his shadow the while being his sun
all
her rays
bathing him in assurances of greatness and esteem
whispering wisdoms in his ear
he did not
reject
she dressed
as
him
in success before his peers.
and
as
her love surrounded his heart
warding
off the
he did
enemy
battle for her
covering that most precious to for she
him
was his glory
his treasure his pearl of great price
she stooped
he stooped even lower not willing to lose sight of her eyes eyes that said so
much
without saying anything at yet they gave
all
him peace
in the middle of a storm
they
made him
see reason
when his own
vision
was clouded with rage they
lit
the way
176
.
.
.
illuminating his path
with sound direction all
the while
still
calling
him Lord
the pressure of gentle hands pushed
him onward
toward the fulfillment of his destiny soothing tired shoulders stroking
away worry
silencing the child
awakening the as still
calling
man
within
only she could
him Lord
she held his world steady in her hands she
filled his
empty spaces
she repaired the breaches in his
spirit
and made him whole again. she was his sanctuary his food
his light his
and
still
she called
queen
him
177
Lord.
.
.
ust say you're
my sister," Abraham said.
nothing, as she listened to her husband.
but
it
was also not
true.
Though
It
Sarah frowned, saying
was true what he
she was his half
"I'm not going to stand here and fool myself. tiful
you
are.
I
I
to
know how
lie!
beau-
way that men look at you. If the Egyptians my wife, they'll kill me and take you. But if are my sister, they will treat me well because of
see the
that you're
they think you you."
she was
She could not believe that he wanted her
also his wife.
know
sister,
said,
As Abraham continued, Sarah still
said nothing.
She would
obey even though she disagreed, and she knew that her eyes told
him how one
she
felt.
This was the same
day, saying that the
man who had come
to her
Lord had told him to leave their home
and venture forth to a place
He would show
idea where they were going; he only
God.
that he must follow the call of
had
them.
this
And
He had no
burning knowing
so Sarah obediently
packed up their belongings and followed her husband, praying
God would keep them and honor their obedience. And now this! Abraham was truly asking a bit much
that
this
new
proposition. Hadn't
it
been enough
the comfort o{ an established
Though
to ask her to leave
home and longtime friends?
the consequences of these actions would
178
with
fall
upon
his
The S trength of Vulnerability
head and not seeing
could
hers,
179
Sarah could not deny that she was dreading
how this deception would play out. How her husband trust God to wander in the land, yet could not trust Him
to protect their lives, she did not understand. But rather than
question him, she would wait and see what
Abraham was
right about
Sarah beautiful
—
God
one thing. The Egyptians did find
so beautiful, they raved about her to Pharaoh,
and took her into the palace to become Pharaoh's
Abraham was stock,
and
did. Well,
lavished with
all sorts
wife!
While
of extravagant presents, live-
servants, Sarah sat in the palace waiting to see
how
God was going to get them out of this fine mess. She prayed that God would keep her and protect her from Pharaoh's affections. That was where the line would have to be drawn. And then it happened Pharaoh and all who were in his house were struck
—
with a plague. Everyone became
came forward man's wife.
to reveal to
ill
except Sarah!
The
diviners
Pharaoh that he was housing another
And before Sarah knew it, she was being whisked out
of the palace and sent
on her way along with her husband and
of the wealth they had acquired while in the land.
lyubmission
is
a command
men and women
alike
.
to
Until
submission as God's instruction vulnerable enough to receive fail to
an
,
everyone,
we to
become
we
recognize that submission invitation to be blessed.
see
will is
all
— The Power of Being a
180
Woman
This was not the only time that Sarah was a tool in the midst of Abraham's bad decisions. that
And
it
was also not the
time
last
God rescued her from being caught in the middle of her hus-
band's mistakes. Eight chapters later in the book of Genesis,
Abraham once Once again he
again lost his confidence in God's protection.
Abimelech, the reigning monarch of the
told
country in which they dwelt, that Sarah was his
sister.
Once
God did not He visited the king in a dream and told him that he was a dead man for taking Sarah, Abraham's wife. The king reasoned with God that he had not touched Sarah, but God was quick to point out to him that He was the one who had kept again the king took her and claimed her for his own. take this lightly.
him from touching
Sarah. In other words, don't be so quick to
brag about being virtuous because you would have touched her I
had allowed
it.
God
Abraham, "quick and
if
instructed the king to give Sarah back to in a hurry,"
if
he wanted to
live.
Then God
promised to have Abraham pray for him because he was a prophet. That morning, the king called for
fronted
him about
his
Abraham explained
masquerade
Abraham and con-
as Sarah's brother.
his fears, the king gave
him
livestock
and
him
that
servants along with a thousand pieces of silver and told
they could live anywhere they liked. fear of
him.
Abraham then prayed
They were
for
God
to
After
have no more
to heal Abimelech's
He had closed up everybody's womb until Sarah's release. So all the women in King Abimelech's house became pregnant. And the anointing for fruitfulness spread wife and maidservants, for
even to Sarah.
Now, why Because so
It
was
did
I
after this that
Sarah also became pregnant.
take the time to retell that whole story?
many women struggle with
the "s" word. You got
we're getting ready to talk about submission! Because
women have partners who are not submitted to God,
it
many
submission
The
181
Strength of Vulnerability
becomes an even more horrifying concept.
God
I
felt it
was impor-
tant to illustrate how when the men who are supposed to be leading them guide them down the wrong path. This is why your house must be built with faithfully
wisdom.
I
am
not going to
tell
tell
women, even
you to submit to abuse or other
Word
things that clearly violate the
guards His
of God. But
you that until you can bring yourself to
I
trust
am going to God as your
ultimate covering, even over that of your mate or whoever authority,
you
will
ried, this applies to
have trouble in River you
are your authorities.
him
receive stated.
Submission
Until
alike.
in the
we
as well.
You
is
is
a
command
"submission"
Your cooperation
is
unmar-
and employer
yield to those
to everyone,
I
just
men and women
see submission as God's instruction to
we
your
your mate whenever you
same respect that you
an invitation to be
The word
pastor, father,
will yield to
vulnerable enough to receive,
mission
Your
City. For the
is
become
will fail to recognize that sub-
blessed.
is
not synonymous with "doormat."
required in submission.
You have
to decide to
go along with another person. Therefore, you are not rolling over; you
have merely decided to walk in agreement.
strength to do that, especially
if
It
takes
you're not quite sure you agree
with the direction in which you're headed. Sarah's story proves this.
In spite of Abraham's actions,
didn't
allow
God
protected Sarah!
Pharaoh or King Abimelech to touch
He her.
Remember, King Abimelech thought he had done good not
to
God told him it wasn't that he had been good, it was the hand of God that kept him from violating Sarah. Though touch her until
the going seemed a
Sarah
left
home
hairy in both situations,
richer because of Sarah.
Now, why his
little
is it
that
for parts
Thanks
Abraham could
unknown? Could
trust
to
Abraham and
God.
God enough to leave God to give him a
believe
1
The Power of Being a
82
Him
son in his old age? Could watch
Sodom and Gomorrah and
Woman
burn down the
deliver Lot, yet
not
still
him and
The thought of her being forced to be the man, was too much for Abraham to
wife.
a godless
willing to take any chances with her
life.
God to to him. He
trust
protect his wife? Because Sarah was just too precious
couldn't bear the thought of the king killing
cities of
taking his
wife of a stranger,
He was not single women
bear.
Just as
God for everything except a mate and mothers can God for everything except the safety of their children,
can believe believe
the same principle prevails here.
We
have trouble releasing our
most precious things into the care of God. For some reason, we do not believe that what we view cious to
God and
hold dear. thing
that
He
is
as precious
even more pre-
is
well able to keep those things
we
How it wrenches our hearts when we have done every-
we can think of,
yet to
no
avail,
and we
are forced to release
our dreams, our mates, and our children into the hands of God, stand
trauma; If
and see His
still,
God
doesn't
He
want
salvation.
us to
work that hard only
simply wants us to submit.
I'll
tell
you can submit to the authority in your
life,
thing in you choice,
own
God
is
screaming that this direction
round. But
if
they'll
what they've asked
made
it
little secret.
even when everyis
not the wisest
more because you
is
didn't point
be more open to your counsel the next go-
you dig in your heels and point out
their only defense
tion. If
you a
will give those in authority the grace to see their
mistakes. They'll love you
them out and
to fall prey to
to put
their stupidity,
on the muscle and
force
you to do
and secure
their
own
in order to prove
posi-
turns out to be a mess, they'll never admit that they
a mistake because you've already offended their sense of
dignity.
They now have no
become the
fall
grace to see their faults, and you have
guy in the whole
fiasco.
No one should ever feel
— The S trength of Vulnerability
1
83
They should
they have to defend their point of view to you.
always feel that they can ask for your suggestion without judg-
ment.
Don't Stop the Flow
One day a woman came to Elisha the prophet. Her husband, who had worked for Elisha, had died. She was now left in debt to a creditor who had threatened to take her two sons for slaves as payment. Elisha asked her what she had in her house. (There's that "house" thing again.)
was a
flask of olive oil.
empty jars
she could from friends and neighbors. her,
into the empty containers,
the flask
filled.
replied that all she
And
had
He then instructed her to borrow as many
home, shut the door behind
to go
were
as
The woman
the
woman was
Then she was
and pour the olive setting
them
from
obedient. She poured and
poured until every container she had borrowed was she ran out of empty containers, the
oil
aside as they
oil
filled.
When
stopped flowing. She was
then able to pay her debts.
Now,
there are a couple of things here that are important to
note in the area of submission. to the prophet,
why
The woman had
who told her to do something. She didn't ask him
or stand there trying to figure
borrow empty submit
She went
a need.
vessels.
when you
Keep
it
out; she did
mind
in
that
it
what he
is
said
impossible to
are full of yourself. Submission calls for
you to
own ideas on The next step is
be open to direction, emptying yourself of all your the subject to
make room for other possibilities.
to close the door to your house
mission thing authority,
is
personal.
behind you. After
all,
whether that be your mate or your employer.
open forum
for
Submission
will
everyone
else to
this sub-
between you, God, and your
It is
It's
not an
throw in their two cents worth.
be easier for you
if it is
a private
affair.
Lots of
1
The Power of Being a
84
times
it is
difficult to
Woman
submit because you're too cognizant of what
everyone else thinks about you submitting to your husband. Just
who think it is ridiculous for you to listen to your husband go home either to empty homes or problems with their own mate. Don't believe the hype. At the remember,
all
end of the
day, the
and enough
And
isn't
left
that
you need and around
those girlfriends
it. It's
widow had what she needed
to pay her debt
over for her and her sons to live on comfortably.
what
really all about?
it's
desire.
It's
You've got to give to
one of the
rules of the
When Abraham decided
it
about getting what get; there's
no way
kingdom.
was time
for Isaac to
be married,
One of
he sent his servant to find a bride from among his people. the stipulations Isaac was.
lowed a
was that she had to be willing to come to where
The chosen woman, Rebekah,
where she was,
left
fol-
man she did not know, and ended up married to a wealthy
man and became
the mother of two nations. She could have put
her hand on her hip and
said,
"Well,
she didn't. She submitted to the
why can't he move here?" But
unknown
in order to be blessed
with a husband birthed from promise. Ruth submitted herself to her mother-in-law's instructions and laid
down at a man's feet
in
order to be blessed with a wealthy husband and an entry into the lineage of Jesus Christ. Esther submitted herself in service to her
king in order to be blessed with the preservation of her the
life
of her people.
that
want things
we can
to be
believe
and
Are you seeing the pattern here?
Sometimes I think that the Word of God
We
life
is
just too easy for us.
more complicated than they
we had
a
hand
Naaman the army commander had
in the final leprosy,
really are so
outcome.
When
he was sent to Elisha
to be healed. Elisha simply sent his servant out with a message
that Naaman should dip himself in the Jordan seven times in order to be healed.
Naaman was insulted.
"Doesn't he
know who I am?
The S trength of Vulnerability
185
How dare he send some common servant out to give me a message to go
and dunk myself
know
he's
my
supposed to do
station in life?
hand over me,
He
called
manner
this thing right, in a
come out
should have
himself,
officers tried to reason that
if Elisha
had
told
down
waved
his
why not
try this
to the Jordan River
One of his
him to do something
difficult in order to secure his healing, surely
Therefore,
befitting
on the Lord with a great display, and healed
me!" (That's Naaman quoted in Michelle paraphrase.)
it.
he
in the dirtiest river in Israel? Doesn't
he would have done
Naaman went
simple thing? So
and dipped himself
in
it
seven times.
And you know what happened? He was completely cured. What is the problem that we share with Naaman? The problem of pride and self-righteousness. These two friends can squeeze the
God
life
out of a blessing in no time.
saying, "Hey, you're so together.
Why
I
get this picture of
You got
it
covered, bless
Naaman needed to see just how dirty he really was. Not outside, but inside. He needed a revelation that he may be "the man" when it came to the army, but God was the ultimate man. He needed to submit to the knowledge of who he really was in God's sight before he could be healed. Some of us need to submit to the knowledge of what is really in our hearts before we can move to the next stage of yourself."
dip in a dirty river?
blessing. Pride will
keep you from coming clean with God.
Self-
righteousness will keep you from experiencing the flow o{ God's
cleansing and liberating power.
It is
that
power which enables
to submit to the wishes of
men.
wrong," are words you find
difficult to say
comes
easily,
while
just to
"I
It is
told
God
was
you
so,"
probably not
and the blessings that come with
Did you know that
I
the words "I'm sorry,
consider the state of your heart.
ripe for submission
on you
If
us
it.
will allow those in authority to lean
show you what's
inside your heart?
Woman
The Power of Being a
186
"The human heart wicked.
know!
Who
is
most deceitful and desperately
knows how bad
really
the LORD, search
I,
secret motives.
I
give
all
all
hearts
it
But
is?
I
and examine
people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve" (Jeremiah 17:9,10 NLT).
"Remember how and
testing
LORD your God
the
through the wilderness
for forty years,
you
led
humbling you
you to prove your character, and to find
out whether or not you would really obey his com-
mands" (Deuteronomy
"The LORD your God ahead of you
away
all at
by
little
once, for
8:2 NLT). will drive those nations out
You
little. if
you
would multiply too quickly
will
not clear them
did, the wild
for
animals
you" (Deuteronomy
7:22 NLT).
Too much freedom given too
quickly, before we've mastered
the art of submission, leaves us vulnerable for the "wild beasts" of excess and lack of discipline to devour us.
winning a
large
sum
oi money. Often the
It's
money
because the person wasn't prepared to deal with or she
Even
had no
Jesus
poor person
like a
soon spent
is
it
properly.
He
prior experience dealing with sizable finances.
had
to submit.
He
submitted to separation from His
heavenly Father unto death in order to gain the blessing of all of us being delivered too,
had
from
sin, liberated to
become His
to learn obedience through the things that
(Hebrews
bride.
He
He,
suffered
5:8).
Speaking of Jesus, repeated phrase
let's
on the
talk about Mary, His mother.
street in response to
"Blessed and highly favored!" But
let's
"How
An often-
are you?"
is
take a closer look at those
The S trength of Vulnerability
words. This
is
not a sentence to fling around
qualify for blessing
assume that
How
and favor?
God did an
did
lightly.
Mary
How does one
qualify? Don't
so special to
God?
you
title?
What was
God.
about her that made her
Mary was submitted, completely
First of all,
yielded and available to
it
woman in So how did
every
all,
dreamed of being the mother o{ the Redeemer.
Mary win the coveted
87
in-depth character study before selecting
the mother for His only begotten Son? After Israel
1
When
the angel told her that she
would bear a son and explained to her how
would happen
it
without the help of a natural man, Mary's response was,
"I
am the
May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38 Niv). Another translation says, "I am the Lord's slave' (emphasis added). That's how yielded she was. No ego stood between her Lord's servant.
and God. She simply believed
When
she went to
visit
Him and
yielded to His word.
her cousin Elizabeth with the news of
her pregnancy, Elizabeth told
Mary
that she was blessed because
she believed God's promises.
Mary was fear
also blessed
and highly favored because she did not
man's opinion of her obedience to God. Mary's pregnancy
could have gotten her in big trouble. She was a single betrothed, or engaged, to Joseph.
him
in
How many people
to the concept that she
Even Joseph couldn't quietly put her
were going to be
had conceived of the Holy Ghost?
quite swallow that at
first.
away so she wouldn't be stoned
the angel confirmed the story. it
yet joined with
matrimony; therefore, she could have been accused of
adultery. Let's get real here.
open
She was not
woman
From
this story,
He
thought to
to death, until
you can see that
doesn't pay to fear man's opinion and ignore God's direction.
Not long ago I saw an zine that caught
that
my eye.
article in a
well-known women's maga-
In the article, one of the interviewees said
God had forced Himself on Mary, taken her womb, and done
—
as
Woman
The Power of Being a
188
He pleased with it. I was highly offended by this person's gross
misjudgment of God's character, reference to the Scriptures.
His
He
side.
invites us to
beginning of time,
God
is
come and
sit at
He knew how each
willing.
Her
He woos
a gentleman.
Him, and He regulated His purposes
Mary would be
obvious error in
as well as the
us to
His table. Before the
heart would respond to
He knew
accordingly.
willingness,
that
mixed with other wonan
derful traits of character that she possessed, earned her
appointment with world.
that would change the course of the
No, there was no coercion present
why submission
the reason
God
God
is
even an
issue
in this matter. This
—
it
is
must be voluntary.
about to force anyone to do anything. That would be
isn't
own Word, which He cannot do. He has made us all free agents. If God were in the business of wringing our arms behind our backs and forcing us to do exactly as He pleased, going against His
we would not even be examining mission
is
not only a
Sometimes
strength.
Why? Because of
test of it is
find
it
our love for Him,
it is
see or
how much we
interesting to note that
of this. After she married Joseph,
Mary had
a
that instruction was given to go
to return.
What
neck
and
I
roll,
think
where. see."
more
I
I
if
It
we know.
understanding
full
God gave Joseph
—not Mary
It
was to Joseph
down to Egypt to protect the
life
was to Joseph that the word was given when
Mary had gotten an
said,
so, regardless
think
the directions concerning what they should do.
of the Christ child.
a test of our
hard to submit, but submit we must.
always in our best interest to do
it is
what our eyes seem to I
the topic oi submission. Sub-
"Now, looka here!
attitude, I
just
done a
sister-girl
had the Son of God!
He didn't tell me to go anymy baby home for my friends and family to
hear from God, too, and
want
to take
She could have claimed spiritual sensitivity.
to
have more experience with God,
But she didn't do
that.
She submitted
The S trength of Vulnerability
to her husband's leadership.
As
So
get this straight.
89
she yielded to his lead, their lives
were preserved and her Son was let's
1
up
world to
see.
the Lord spoke to Mary,
He
lifted
When
also spoke to her fiance to confirm
for all the
what He had
told her. But
when He spoke to Joseph, He did not backtrack to Mary to qualify what He had said. I think I'll just leave that one hanging in the air for a moment. Kinda makes you go hmm, doesn't it?
On
second thought,
you who would department. firm
it
I'd
like to
better clarify this point for those of
claim amnesia in the understanding
When God speaks a word to a woman, He will conNow, you
in the spirit of the person in authority over you.
might be one of those ultrasensitive-in-the-spirit messages from
God way
folks
who
in advance. Just because your mate, your
mean
boss, or your pastor hasn't gotten the message yet doesn't
they can't hear God.
gets
It
might be a timing thing. Remember,
Joseph had a dream about something that didn't happen for years. His family couldn't see it
it
time he shared
at the
it
with them, but
most certainly came to pass according to God's appointed
So that man's
timetable.
may be God
him
using
inability to
to slow
hear what you're hearing
you down until
really
it's
run with the plan He's given you. Sometimes we entirely too
much.
We
time to
women
drown out the voice of the Holy
talk
Spirit.
When we get a word or a revelation from God, we need to learn how
to birth that thing in prayer until those in authority hear
from
God
heard.
themselves and
Then
they'll
our reins. This
is
credit for hearing
what they've
rather than tightening is
no need
to claim the
it first.
Mary had
Son, and then submit life
to us to share
assist us
not a contest, so there
Last but not least,
entire
come
be ready to
—or
to ultimately submit to her
release
—her Son back
to
was a testament to the blessing of submission
own
God. Her
—
to
God,
— The Power of Being a
190
Woman
to His divine purposes, to her mate, to her Son. Single ried
women
fruit of
this. God wants to He wants you to bear gifts,
be encouraged by
alike should
one of you.
birth Jesus in every single
namely the
the Spirit, to the world that change the
courses of the lives around you, but this will only as
you submit. Then you,
Though God not
too, will
to fruition
do not be deceived
Some
cost.
wrapped in favor paper, and these willingness to live a submitted
come
be blessed and highly favored.
blessings for free,
come without
blessings
all
some
gives
and mar-
special ones
are expensive.
on every
life
They
come
cost your
level.
A Time to Speak and a Time to Be Silent "So does
this
mean
that
women
just
walk around never
voicing an opinion about anything, Michelle?" you
hear you, thing.
I
hear you.
The time
When He
Of course not,
says, "Tell it,"
silly!
is
when
He
will
to speak
chapter,
I
ask.
I
There's a time for every-
the Lord
tells
you to speak.
have your back. The
Bathsheba comes to mind here. As lier
may
story of
shared with you in an ear-
David was dying and one of his other sons had taken
over the throne. Nathan the prophet came to Bathsheba and told her she
needed to speak with David immediately. She
needed to put him in remembrance of his promise that Solomon
would be the one to succeed him on the throne. Nathan told her
when
to go
and
said that
he would show up while she was
speaking with the king to confirm what she was saying.
still
And
so
she went, knowing she didn't have to hit David over the head
with a
hammer
because
God was behind
her.
reminded David of his promise, and while she was
Nathan showed up
made
to reinforce
sure the matter
what she was
She gently
still
saying.
was taken care of right away.
speaking,
David then
The S trength of Vulnerability
191
In the thirteenth chapter of Judges, the angel of the Lord
appeared to Samson's mother, giving her personal instructions for the Nazarite
When she went to tell
son she was about to bear.
her husband what had happened, he then prayed and asked to return with further instructions
on how
God
to care for the child.
The Lord honored his prayer and returned to confirm what his wife had told him. Once again, this illustrates that God will back up a
woman when He
need to pray
Women
men to the Spirit of God. of God speaking to them, the
for the sensitivity of their
The more men more they
has given her a word to speak.
grasp the reality
will respect
you when you come bearing a word from
the Lord. Elizabeth's husband, Zechariah,
the Lord and told that his wife would
was visited by the angel of
become pregnant with John
the Baptist. Because he and Elizabeth were well years,
Zechariah couldn't believe
would not be able to speak again
it.
The
down
angel told
the road in
him
that he
until the day the promise
to pass. Immediately Zechariah was struck
came
dumb. Elizabeth
became pregnant and had the baby, just as the angel Gabriel had said.
When asked what she would name the baby, The people disagreed, should be named after his
the people, "John." that the child
her husband's counsel,
wrote the
Elizabeth told
voicing their opinion
Upon seeking Elizabeth was backed up when Zechariah
name "John" on
father.
a tablet. Immediately his
mouth was
opened, and he began praising God.
What's the moral of the story? Though in
this case, the angel
did not go to Elizabeth but rather to her husband, there's
something to be learned here.
still
When Zechariah could not believe
the word of the Lord concerning his wife, the Lord shut his
mouth. The Lord arrest
if
is
well able to put the
he hinders God's move
in your
man life
in your
life
under
with his actions or
Woman
The Power of Being a
192
words of unbelief.
It is
not your job to convince him of what
God
down to him when he doesn't get it. There's no need to tell him he needs to get saved or become spiritually deeper. If it was God who spoke to you, He is able to follow through on His own word and do whatever it takes to bring that said or to talk
man
into agreement while
He
word
brings His
to fruition.
You
simply need to remain in the right attitude of graciousness and
let
God fix the situation for you. To move ahead of that man's agreement will set you up for deception and all sorts of trouble. God will now have to stop what He's doing and fix you because you're out of order. You can end up holding up your own blessing, so be sure to stay in the right attitude.
When God tells you to speak, He has no problem being your enforcer.
You won't have
demand your
to
and sweetly make your request known that
way.
You can simply
like Esther did
man move mountains on your behalf.
I
man friend of mine always said to me, "Whenever I something and you so sweetly go along with what something to
my heart.
It
makes me want
everything you want! You are such a
At
the time
him, but
I
I
didn't understand
do now.
demned by my felt safe
of his
him
I
trusted
in failure
to learn in front of
manhood
God's leading.
I
in the process.
allowed
him
him
this
for
I
any of my female
of respect.
We
I
don't always
say, it
I
does
shower you with really like that."
was such a big deal to threatened or con-
feel
and celebrating
me because He felt that
his victories.
never stripped him
I
trusted
him
to experience whatever
own
own
I
to hear
he needed
personal journey so
gave him the room to do that friends.
ask you to do
to see the error of his
to experience within the realm of his
that he could grow.
to just
woman.
never made him
attitude.
ways, encouraging
He
I
why
and watch
recall that a gentle-
just as
I
would
We all deserve to be given that type know
every detail of what
God
is
The
trying to
must address here two of the most poorly
inter-
let
around
Him do
us.
Therefore,
His thing.
preted Scriptures of all time. You
women
93
to get
in those
out of the way and I
1
we need
work out
Of course,
Strength of Vulnerability
know the ones
—the ones about
being silent in the church. Let's look at them carefully
we?
together, shall
"For
God
is
not a
God of disorder but of peace. As women
in all the congregations of the saints,
should remain silent in the churches.
They
are not
allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the
Law
says. If
they want to inquire about something,
own husbands at home; for it woman to speak in the church"
they should ask their is
(1
disgraceful for a
Corinthians 14:33-35 Niv).
"A woman mission.
I
should learn in quietness and
do not permit a
woman
have authority over a man; she must be
Adam
was formed
first,
not the one deceived;
sub-
full
to teach or to silent.
For
then Eve.
was
was the
And Adam woman who
was
it
deceived and became a sinner" (1 Timothy 2:11-
Hniv). Now, now,
ladies,
calm down! I'm getting ready to
you. Let us look at the context of Paul's statement. finished giving the Corinthian church a
duct during their services. talking
all
fix this for
He had
just
rundown on orderly con-
He had found
that everyone was
over one another. Everyone had a prophecy, a song, a
revelation, a tongue,
an interpretation, an instruction. Everyone
was so excited about
all
these
new
spiritual gifts
and revelations
they were having that they were being downright rude to one another!
The women, who had not been
formally trained in
The Power of Being a
194
Woman
matters of the Bible up to this point, were thrilled to finally be into this arena.
They were
realized that they
As they
excited, too.
had things
learned they
to share along with a lot of ques-
many of the women were beginning they grasped this new information. Keep
tions. In addition to this,
men as
challenge the
mind
that in Corinthian society,
men
confront still
new
in public.
in their faith
Now,
found
questions and challenging told the
women
among As
those
who
for the
it
to in
women had not been allowed to
finally,
they were
some of the
new freedom so
as
But those
free.
disconcerting to see
women asking
teachings. Therefore, Paul
to ask these questions at
advantage of their
let
home and
to not take
not to cause consternation
weren't yet grounded in the faith.
second passage, again
I
must
Paul was
clarify that
speaking about a specific church that was having a lot of trouble.
The Ephesian church had a problem with an influx of false teachers. The women of the church seemed to be most susceptible to the false teachings because they
had not yet acquired enough
Bible knowledge to be able to discern the truth.
they were
all
baby Christians
At
this point,
who had not been privy to studying
the Scriptures before now. Yet here they were challenging those
who had been
studying for years and in some cases were pro-
moting false teachers and revelations that were in
had
a
first,
to
The men
—
Adam women needed
jump start on them (mirroring the order of creation
then Eve,
sit
error!
who was deceived);
down and
learn from those
therefore, the
who were
them without disputing what they heard. can be dangerous. These
qualified to teach
A little bit of knowledge
women needed to acquire
the
full
truth
along with understanding, experience, and Christian maturity.
The word
"silent" here in the
quietness and composure.
Greek expresses an
A different word
cate complete silence. These
women
also
is
attitude of
used to communi-
seemed
to be
having
The Strength of Vulnerability
an
issue
195
about wearing inappropriate clothing. This was a situa-
tion where abuses of new freedom were abundant and
became
corrected. This increasingly as
a
had
to be
problem across the board
churches began to spring up, causing this to become a universal
mandate
to
women everywhere.
Timothy not
to put
any of the
Therefore, Paul was instructing
women
in leadership positions
because of their inexperience and susceptibility to deception.
Everyone was clamoring
for leadership positions in the
Ephe-
sian church, so Paul took the time to lay out the requirements for all
of
them everywhere. Based on
their behavior,
—even with the men—
painstakingly clear rity,
he made
it
that Christian matu-
sound moral character, and a pure and blameless
life
coupled
with great faith and sound doctrine were requirements that could
not be negotiated.
1/
cannot be feminine in
world unless
this
^/you completely understand how covered by
God you are. Then you will no to
men, but respond
to
His voice.
Paul was noway, nohow, saying that
allowed to speak in church.
How
longer react
women
could he
when
should not be earlier in the
same
letter to the
ship,
he addressed the matter of women praying and prophesying
in public?
Corinthians, giving instruction for public wor-
.
The Power of Being a
196
"And
every
woman who
Woman
prays or prophesies with
—
her head uncovered dishonors her head as
though her head were shaved.
If
it is
woman
a
just
does
not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off;
and
if it is
a disgrace for a
hair cut or shaved
off,
woman
to
have her
she should cover her head.
.
.
For this reason, and because o{ the angels, the
woman head" Let's face
ought to have a sign of authority on her Corinthians 11:5,6,10 Niv).
(1
it
—she wasn't prophesying
on
what's going
here.
Does Paul
to herself.
really instruct
their heads as a sign that they are
So you
women
women
don't think so! Paul
I
me
to cover
under authority when they
pray and prophesy in public, and then turn around and
not to speak in church?
tell
knew
them
tell
too
many
holding substantial positions in churches to have this
women were doing anything responsible, interact with and relegate to men as well as women.
type of attitude.
they had to
If
these
We know that Priscilla,
along with her husband, Aquila, taught
Apollos. Phoebe was a deaconess. Mary, Tryphena, and Tryphosa
labored hard for the Lord. Euodia and Syntyche worked side by side with Paul,
The note
I
contending
for the faith.
must make here had
leadership positions
that
just
pastor as
dangerous.
I
travel
When
I
in Christ to
I
I
whom they were
in
am under the authority of
make
make
I
sure
a
breakthrough in
run I
it
by
spiritual under-
my pastor and other mature
have received the understanding
balance and harmony with the Scriptures.
check before
in
and speak. To go out uncovered would be
standing in a certain area,
men
women
of these
hanging out in the wind, run-
ning off to minister uncovered. Even
my
all
a visible authority to
They were not
submission.
is
I
check and
in
cross-
go sprinting off to deliver the Word, no matter
The Strength of Vulnerability
how wonderful
it
might sound to me. Remember,
ones the serpent targets of influence
orah
we
as judge
first
possess.
over
for
women are the
deception because of the power
Remember when God appointed DebShe was
Israel?
still
a
woman
in submission.
God place a women from speaking in church? This would be a great contradiction. No, God has given women too much to say, too many incredible revelations to share, But
this brings
woman
them
to subject I
up another interesting point. Would
as leader of a nation,
must
then ban
to silence.
interject here that
women can deliver everything that
God has given them to deliver while still maintaining their fem-
We are not to "dress" like men, in the sense of feeling that we have to be like men when we get up to deliver a message. We ininity.
have our own unique way of serving things up that effective.
There
is
no need
for
preach a man, or even preach the Word.
When
the food
is
you to like a
feel that
is
extremely
you have to out-
man. You must simply give
good, people eat. In this no one
offended. Paul was merely saying that at the end of the day, crucial that
women
or, in
same Paul who Jew, okay?
some
cases,
So
were
let's
not blame unclear under-
overblown egos on Paul. This
said that there
Women
God had given
is
the
was no male or female, Greek or
free to
lift
up the body with the
gifts
them, in an orderly fashion. However, they were
not to challenge the
men
in public or teach others
had not acquired enough knowledge to do an is
is
was
remained under the protective covering of
authority even in this area.
standing
it
when
effective job.
they
There
a time and a place for everything in order to keep the peace.
That doesn't even have makes good
to be straight from the Bible.
So when should you be differ
with a
It just
sense.
man
silent?
You should be
in a public setting, or
silent
when you
when your disagreement
1
The Power of Being a Woman
98
makes that man vulnerable and
family.
ever, there
to ruin or disgrace before his peers
Howthan when a
This should apply to anyone, male or female. is
nothing more degrading and pathetic
woman goes off on a man and embarrasses him in public. No one likes to see a henpecked man or a man disgraced by a woman in a crowd. In the
before
all
book of Esther, Queen Vashti did just
of you
protest, let
who
think that
me have my
say.
I
Queen Vashti was
Now,
that.
right begin to
understand that the tradition of
A woman was not to show herself to men in public the way her husband wanted her to show herself. I know that he was drunk and therefore considered to be out of the day was on her side.
mind when he made the
his
request.
I
know
that Vashti recog-
nized his request as a serious breach of protocol and refused to go
on
principle.
but
—
I
know
all
of that, but
—and
that
is
a resounding
Vashti was wrong. She was right in motive, but wrong in
action. This
is
what separates the unfeminine women from the
feminine women. You cannot be feminine in this world unless
you completely understand how covered by
you
will
You
ment
—
no longer
react to
God
you
men, but respond to His
voice.
will master the art of timing, speech, inflection,
you name
it, it
all
Then
are.
move-
plays a part in the bottom-line resolu-
tion to a situation.
Knowing how a
protective
shadow of a doubt that
made her way
if
God
is
o(
women,
I
can say beyond
Vashti had donned her royal robes and
to the palace out of obedience to her husband,
something would have happened to save her from disgracing herself.
Someone would have spoken some
he would have had broken out
a
at the party
moment
sense into the king,
o{ remorse, a
and dispersed the crowd.
fire .
would have
.something!
God
can use anything, and something surely would have happened.
So though Vashti went
for honor, she publicly
dishonored her
The S trength of Vulnerability
1
99
husband and was dethroned. She demanded respect and was banished from those from
whom
she
demanded
it.
She was the
women of the country. They were not going to go home to
queen. She was the trendsetter for
The men were not having it. wives who would now feel that
if
the
all
the queen got away with such
obvious, blatant disrespect, they could, too.
Though God used
the whole situation to put Esther in place to save a nation, Vashti seriously missed the point.
sonal world.
It
The
issue
went
far
beyond her
affected the kingdom.
"Everyone must submit [themselves] to the governing authorities, for there
is
no authority except
which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is that
rebelling against
who do
those selves. right,
so
what God has instituted, and will bring judgment on them-
For rulers hold no terror for those
but for those
who do
Do you want to Then do commend you.... There-
who do
wrong.
be free from fear of the one in authority?
what fore,
is
right
it is
and he
will
necessary to submit to the authorities, not
only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience" (Romans 13:1-3,5 Niv).
"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that
would be of no advan-
tage to you" (Hebrews 13:17 Niv).
"Submit yourselves
for the Lord's sake to every
authority instituted
among men: whether
to the
king, as the supreme authority, or to governors,
per-
The Power of Being a
200
who
are sent by
wrong and it is
to
him
Woman
to punish those
commend
those
who do
who do
right.
For
God's will that by doing good you should
silence the ignorant talk of foolish as servants of
men
Live
God. Show proper respect
to
everyone" (1 Peter 2:13-17 Niv). Well, you could say that the king and Vashti were both
ungodly people. The king was not
spiritually sensitive.
not have been open to God's correction.
same king up
early
God was able to get this
one morning to bring to
had not rewarded Mordecai
for
He would
his attention that
uncovering a plot against his
he
life.
God was able to arrest this same king from handing down a death sentence
when
Esther did the opposite of Vashti, violating his
law and appearing to him
when
she had not been bidden. So
while you're worrying about some
little
man, don't
ole
tell
me
who's really in control.
"The
king's heart
directs
it
like a
is
in the
hand of the LORD; he
watercourse wherever he pleases"
(Proverbs 21:1 Niv). "In his heart a
man plans his
course, but the
LORD
determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9 Niv).
"Many
are the plans in a man's heart, but
it is
the
Lord's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21 Niv).
So
there!
Anyone
still
think you have to arm wrestle and
grow hair on your chest in order to have your say? Just
I
think not.
remember, when you walk in submission, the person
your covering
is
held responsible for you.
under that covering, you are the one walking
down
the street
If
who
who
is
you walk out from
will get wet.
I
love
next to a good, old-fashioned man. He
The S trength of Vulnerability
always walks on the outside.
If your
201
position shifts
when you turn
the comer, he politely guides you back to the inside of the side-
Why? So that if a passing vehicle splashes up water, he will be the one who gets wet instead of you. That's the idea of submission. He should get wet, not you. I realize that you have been doing things your own way for a walk.
long time, and though you are weary, letting go sition.
But
let
go you must. Let go of the
reins.
is
a scary propo-
Let go of the idea
that you must control everything in your world or nothing will
happen. Let go of the concept that you have to be tough in order
and influence people.
to gain respect
your
soft,
warm, wise, feminine
It's
self
just
and
not still
true.
You can be
get everything
accomplished. Appeal to the heart of the one in authority, don't
demand. As a matter of fact, the more feminine you assistance half!
you
will get
Have you ever noticed how
pile of
mush and
sheepishly grin
saved your day? Try little
from the men. Your work
it
quickly
men
when you
tell
are,
will
God throw you do best
strut
be cut in
will turn into a
them how they
sometime; you'll be amazed.
Men
boys just waiting for a word of appreciation.
makes them
the more
are like
It literally
and bend over backwards to do more. So
let
His weight around while you just keep doing what
—being
all
woman.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband
is
head of the wife
head of the church, Savior.
Now
as the
his body, of
as Christ
which he
is
the
is
the
church submits to Christ, so
also wives should submit to their
husbands in
everything" (Ephesians 5:22-24 Niv).
There this:
is
a
little
"The man
is
proverb in Africa that goes something like
the head, the
woman
is
the neck, and wherever
Woman
The Power of Being a
202
the neck turns, the head turns.' shout, doesn't put
head goes with
up
a fuss;
The
halt.
The neck
.
tells
carries the
cord,
body can't function. The head
things!
The neck
is
definitely
head and encircles the
which
is
Now,
spine,
is
above them and
which encases the
It
spinal
your nerve center, responsible for making you
if
It
the source
underneath the head.
feel
your neck gets broken, that means death because
the connection between the head and the body
other vital organs reside
may
the
the rest of the body what to do.
ot productivity for all of the other limbs. It sits all.
And
extremely important.
is
brain-dead, everything comes to a screeching
is
rest of the
covers them
and
doesn't scream
just ever so gently. .turns.
Now, the head
it.
houses the hrain, which
When someone
it
1
—has been
severed.
— where the
So though the neck
look unimportant, nothing could be further from the truth.
And
let's
face
As we
it,
the neck gets to sport a lot of fabulous jewelry.
consider the connection o( the head to the rest of the
comes
bodv, a natural illustration
to mind.
Many a man has been
changed and made
socially presentable because of a
truth of the matter
is,
by working together of the
woman
is
cation that the
no all
part are
the man,"
man
is
less
made is
important than the other, but
strong.
The
phrase "The head
not about supremacy.
to be the source ot the
is
woman. The
It is
an
indi-
woman. After
all,
woman was taken out of man, the source of her existence, just as man is from Christ and Christ is from God. No kitchen can be filled
to
with
many cooks
have anything
can't get anything
less
all
dipping into the same pot and expect
than a mess
done with
all
as a result of the chaos.
chiefs
You
and no Indians. Someone
has to cast the decisive vote. Authority bears responsibility. This is
the boundary that forces the one in authority to
choices for
all
make good
involved. Authority makes things run smoothly.
Submission makes them run even smoother.
It is
not a matter of
.
,
The Strength of Vulnerability
inferior versus superior; tion. Jesus,
it is
203
simply a matter of order and func-
God the Father And that's the bottom line. Submission is
though equal with God, submitted to
in order to save us
all.
mutual commitment and cooperation to achieve the greater end.
And
my
that,
friend,
is
much
greater than
all
of us.
"Submit to one another out of reverence
for
Christ" (Ephesians 5:21 Niv).
Dear Heavenly
You for being my
Father, thank
covering.
As
my faith focused on You and not on the weakness of the arm of flesh. As my knowledge of You grows, strengthen my capacity to yield to authority, keeping in mind that in actuality I am yielding to You. As 1 am tempted to go my own way, do my own thing, and take matters into my own hands grant me a revelation I
rest
me
beneath Your care, help
to
keep
,
of You
my
sitting
life.
on
the throne,
Help me
me. Increase
my
still
to rest in the
trust in
You
in control of every area of
knowledge of Your care for
to
my fall when others my rear guard, to
break
me down. As 1 look to You to be me when to speak and when to be silent, please show up on my behalf. And in the times when I hold my peace grant me a visitation of Your Spirit to assuage my fears let
instruct
Lord,
I
want
to be the
woman You
have called
me
to be,
completely available and yielded to You, to Your direction, for the completion of
Your purposes and Your ultimate
Lord, here
ami, an empty
Yourself as
I
surrender
my
vessel. all to
glory.
Come and fill me
with
You. In Jesus' name.
Amen.
The Power of Being a
204
1.
Where must
2.
What
is
married
your faith
the order
woman? As
3.
Why
4.
What do we have
is
God
lie
Woman
in the area of submission?
has set up for us to submit as a
a single?
submission not a passive stand?
trouble believing
when
it
comes
to
submission?
5.
What makes this
6.
a
man force
his will
on
a
woman? How can
be diffused?
What
three things often stand in the
submitting?
way oi us
The Strength of Vulnerability
7.
What do we need
to submit to before
205
we can move on
to
the next stage of blessing?
8.
What
does too
much freedom
given too quickly leave us
vulnerable to?
9.
When two people God
speak to?
are involved in a situation,
Who will He confirm His direction to?
10.
When
11.
What do women need
is it
whom does
time to speak?
When should we be silent?
to pray for in the lives of their
men?
12.
Why
is it
hands?
possible to release your
What must you do
in the
husband into God's
meantime?
The Power of Being a
206
13.
Why did Paul admonish women to be silent in church? What was
14.
What
the situation in the church at the time?
does
"dress" like
15.
Woman
What
God mean when he
says
women
are not to
men?
four things does every
woman need
to master in
order to bring resolution to a situation?
16.
What must you
appeal to
when
seeking help from one in
authority?
17.
What
is
the role of the head and the neck?
this play out in a relationship
How does
between a man and
woman?
18.
What
are your issues or fears concerning submission?
The Strength of Vulnerability
19.
In what ways can you practice trusting
207
God more
in your
interactions with those in authority?
20.
What
are the conjoined advantages of authority
mission?
and
sub-
EIGHT
3
he spun her web carefully
methodically artistically
entrapping his mind
watching him pulled between his
flail
own
in indecision
instincts
and her suggestions he tossed amidst the
silky threads
that grew tighter
with every inner protest
and she watching from
afar
gazed at her creation trusting that
wisdom of her words soon enough
the
and
he would see
just as she
thought
time to
it
and claim her
move
in
prizes
her foot became caught in her
own
snare
crying out for help
she realized too late the help she sought was also entrapped
rendered useless by her
own hands
gazing at one another across the distance of their predicament
they watched one another die separate deaths
slowly painfully
amidst misunderstandings
and a million
regrets
210
.
.
he not being strong enough
for
to
keep her from her
own
ruin
she for
not letting go of the reins
and grasping his
his
hands instead
hands
now seemed further away than own determinations
that
ever
constrained by her losing the feeling her as
she realized
power they once had.
own
.
strength dissipating
she watched the color drain from his fingertips
all
too late
that webs of manipulation
though beautiful in the making were the most deceptive of all their delicate lattice
work
quickly transforming into iron prisons that
bound both and victim
"victor"
the chasm of betrayal too broad to afford
them the comfort
of one another's solace
as they quietly died inside
too tired to fight too ashamed of their in this
own participation
most shameful demise
they closed their eyes
and dreamed of better days as
she concluded that webs were best to the
211
left
work of spiders.
.
^/
{^erodias paced back and forth across the floor o{ her
chambers, her agitation growing with each impact of her shoes on the
tiles,
drown out the words of John the
proclaiming her sins for ness.
all
Why her husband,
The harsh
resounding to the outer corridor,
only heightened the angry cadence of her heart to
step.
—but not enough
Baptist. His strident voice
to hear practically drove her to
mad-
Herod, wouldn't silence him once and
was beyond
her.
Herod
actually was intrigued by
so-called prophet
had
to say!
She was not amused. She did not
for all
thought of hearing
relish the
take her from his
own
how
brother. If
dreadful
it
was
for
what
this
Herod
he thought she had been
to
pla-
cated by his imprisonment, she most certainly had not! She bit
her bottom
lip
thoughtfully and her eyes scoured the room, as
seeking some solution from tries that
draped the
Herod
have that
to
interior.
man
among
if
the folds of the rich tapes-
She had
to find a
executed. She wanted
way
him
to convince
dead.
Any-
thing short of this was unacceptable. Perhaps by the end of dinner, find a
when
way
Herod's
to coax
him
Herod was indeed watched
spirits
had been
lifted
by wine, she could
into granting her strongest desire. in high spirits that evening. Herodias
his eyes lustfully
wander toward her daughter more than 212
The Power of Influence
once dias,
as the
evening matured.
If
213
Herod thought that
she,
Hero-
would allow herself to be replaced by her own daughter, he
had another thing coming. But
as she
watched
this subtle under-
current flow throughout the evening, a plan formed in her mind.
No, she would not be replaced by her daughter, but she most tainly
would not be above using her daughter
wanted. She that he
knew Herod. She knew what he
made
rash promises
lection of facts was
enough
when he was
for
what she
to get liked.
cer-
She knew
inebriated. This col-
her to formalize her scheme. She
gestured for her daughter to draw close, then whispered a suggestion into her ear.
(_^yhe is
gift
of influence
the invisible
that
She had been trained
women
well,
power
overlook.
Herodias thought, as she watched
her daughter dance before the king. Even now, a glaze was coming across Herod's eyes as his eyelids
grew heavy with
desire.
Sensing
the intensity of Herodias' gaze upon him, he snapped out of his lascivious stupor to proclaim that
he was so pleased with the per-
formance that he would give his stepdaughter up to half the kingdom.
What would she have? So she, having been previously
prompted by her mother,
replied,
"The head of John the
Baptist."
4
2
The Power of Being a
1
There!
was done! Where there
It
is
Woman
a will, there
is
a
way
to get
what you want.
How
was Herodias to know that silencing the voice of one
man would never silence her own desperate spirit? Though John the Baptist was now dead, her guilt was still alive and well. Many more
sleepless nights
would she spend pacing back and forth
her chambers, wrestling with demons that were
ening than the accusations of the nation of sin has a
The Way
Who
of a
of
life
its
far
more
in
fright-
condem-
late prophet, for the
own.
Woman
can say when
it
really starts? I've
watched
my
niece at
the tender age of five months old completely wrap her father
around her finger with one gorgeous smile.
A grown man turned
mush before my very eyes, and I think to
myself, "Something's
to
going on here." Boy,
woman!
Is
women?
this
Is it
if
I
could bottle this magic,
power we possess inherently part of who we
a word, the iron will oi a
With one
whole room
glance, a
A
stops.
was a lovely
pulted the civil rights
How about
it
is
little
woman
movement
more powerful than
know
office, so ical
on
melts away.
a bus
into action.
It
can
who
Why?
cata-
Because
authority. is
a heart thing.
Think
A cop can stand in the middle of the road and
that the cop
is
an authority
they yield to his authority.
power
are as
taught?
the atrocities of seg-
sitting
can that be? Because influence this way.
all
put his hand up for cars to stop, and they comply.
people
it
woman's influence can make or break a man.
it
influence
man
is
One touch has sent armies
turn the tide of a nation's destiny. After regation,
Or
part of our nature via the fall?
Without speaking
to war.
would be a rich
I
to stop the cars, but
He
figure.
Why? Because
They respect his
does not have the phys-
he does have the
positional
The Power of Influence
authority to bring
them
to a halt.
215
However,
if
someone
those cars decided they didn't feel like stopping, influence of
someone
to convince
them
it
in
one of
would take the
otherwise.
Get the
dif-
ference?
The look
gift
—the
of influence
the invisible power that
man
ability to affect the heart of a
mind. The heart
his
is
is
the originator of
in order to
change
decisions.
all
"For as he thinks in his heart, so
women over-
he" (Proverbs
is
23:7 NKJV).
"As water the
reflects a face, so a
man" (Proverbs 27:19
man's heart
reflects
Niv).
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,
and the
evil
man brings
evil
things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out
of the overflow of his heart his
mouth
speaks"
(Luke 6:45 Niv). Influence nature.
If
is
overlooked because we are credit-mongers by
we could
just get
over the need to claim the credit for
everything that takes place,
than we ever dreamed.
would see our wishes
If
we would be
we could
fulfilled
able to achieve
stop arguing over
more
we
titles,
and reap appropriate recompense
When we free people to make their own choice us, it releases them to render praise. No farmer
and appreciation. to
acknowledge
manipulates the ground until the seed he planted breaks through the soil and bears gives
the
it
time and
air to
fruit bursts forth
are blessed by is
fruit.
it,
do
its
—the
praising
with the heart of
He
man
plants the seed, lovingly waters thing,
fruit
and
voila! In the right season,
he wanted! Others partake and
him for planting or
it,
a
good crop.
And so it
anyone we choose to influence.
We
6
The Power of Being a
21
Woman
must be willing to lovingly plant the right things in the heart, nourish the
spirit
without pressure, and then stand back and see
the right decisions burst forth from that person. Isn't that what
you
really
want?
Unfortunately,
o{ the
all
the power of this secret
been misused. Influence
and manifest ulated
Herod
itself in
to get
willing to kill
to
have grasped
of influence, and the
no time should overstep
its
gift
has
boundaries
the form of manipulation. Herodias manip-
what she wanted.
imprisoned him in the like
weapon
at
John the
what John was
wrong people seem
Baptist.
first
As
Herod was not
Originally,
a matter of fact, he only
place to placate Herodias.
saying, but
He did not
he was willing to give him credit
He had enough good sense to know that you don't go messing with a man of God. Now Herod was in a fix. He had made a loud and extravagant promise to give the daughter of Herodias whatever she wanted. He could not rescind
for
being a prophet of God.
his promise in front of all the people.
was sorry he had to
kill
The
John the Baptist.
Herod
Bible says that
He was
trapped by his
own wife. Even worse, Herodias not only used her own daughter what she wanted, but she
also taught her daughter
how
to get
to be a
manipulator. This was not setting the groundwork for a healthy relationship between them.
The manipulated
always become
embittered toward the manipulators because the manipulated always
come out
the losers. After getting the head oi John the
Baptist for her mother, herself?
what did the daughter have
to
show
for
She had blown her whole wad on something her mother
wanted. So
momma
was happy, but what about daughter? She
could have walked away with a new wardrobe, some beautiful jewelry, a parcel oi land
to
come. But, no,
all
—something she could
she had was a bloody head
treasure for years
on
a platter that
The Power of Influence
111
And so it is with manipulation. The end result is usually a wash. No one ends up with anything lasting for no one wanted
to keep.
themselves in the long run. After Herodias got her coveted head,
do you think she
felt
blood of John the Baptist on her hands on top of things she was battling. There is
better than sacrifice,
rebellion
Manipulation bless
soulish
is
the other
all
"To obey
in this story. fat
the
of rams. For
and stubbornness
is
as.
.
.idol-
Kjv).
likened to witchcraft, and
because manipulation
it
no winner
and to hearken than the
Samuel 15:22,23
atry" (1
is
as the sin of witchcraft,
is
now had
any better? Of course not. She
is
God
will
never
an attempt to control through
means someone or something over which you don't have
authority.
Manipulation
strikes at the heart of
man
through
intimidation or seduction, thus coercing subjects to respond
according to your desire and against their
fits
and the
All are works of the flesh. Witchcraft it
forces
than God's.
If
someone
idolatry,
of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions,
factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies,
because
Rebellion and
—debauchery,
witchcraft run with the same bedfellows hatred, discord, jealousy,
will.
to
bend
is
like (Galatians 5:20).
compared
to rebellion
to another person's will other
the desire of your heart
is
truly of
able to birth agreement in the other person's
God, He
spirit.
a clear indication that either your desire
is
well
For you to set
up circumstances, manipulating situations to get your way,
yet time for your wish to be granted.
is
not of God or
To move ahead
is
only
it is
of
not
God
always creates problems only seen in hindsight.
Oh, What a Tangled Web In order to understand
and to
We Weave
how much God despises manipulation come upon our lives when we
realize the curses that
choose to operate in
this fashion, let's take a look at
good ole
^
8
2
Woman
The Power of Being a
1
Queen
Jezebel.
She
is
the personification of manipulation. She
would make manipulation look good weren't so bad.
the end of the matter
if
We would all high-five one another and say she
was a bad ma'ama- jamah
for getting
her
man what he
wanted,
if
only she hadn't been so deceitful. People got hurt. People died!
And
the judgment of God
friend got a
little
fell
too busy for
You know the
story.
named Naboth who had
upon her house. All because all
who were
Once upon
involved.
a time there was a
man
a vineyard near the palace. Jezebel's hus-
band, Ahab, decided that he would like to have this to
girl-
extend his grounds, so he made Naboth an
field in order
offer.
Naboth
declined the offer because the vineyard was the inheritance of his
was to be passed down through the generations; there-
family.
It
fore,
was
tral
it
literally against
the law of God for
grounds. This he explained to Ahab, but
for the
law of God.
his way.
to sell ances-
Ahab cared nothing
He went off to pout because he couldn't have
When Jezebel noticed his despondent countenance, she
questioned his attitude, and
Ahab
exchange with Naboth. She found But a
him
woman with
ness of men. This
in turn told her about his
his response pathetic at best.
a manipulative spirit thrives
is
an open door
for
her to
on the
rise to
helpless-
the occasion
and take control. Masking her disdain, Jezebel assured her hus-
band he should not worry would take care of letter in
it.
And
his little royal
take care of
her husband's name, using his
of fasting be declared.
Naboth was
it
head any
further; she
she did. She wrote a
seal,
ordering that a day
to be seated prominently at
the gathering. Two scoundrels would then accuse him of cursing God and the king, which would lead to his stoning. This was carried out right away. And Jezebel calmly announced to the king that he could go and claim his
Naboth was
dead.
silly little
vineyard because
The Power of Influence
You know,
I
many delicious
little
this
liver. First
of
on, the Bible says he
Naboth
Even
refused his offer.
attitude was, well,
woman
who
went
down.
It's
but a
to his
wimp just
Jezebel couldn't believe
with a manipulative
this idiot
the same.
room and pouted
spirit
after
it.
Her
Him or you? Usu-
has no respect for the
person she decides to "help." In her mind, she
up another mess that
with too
talk about her hus-
all, let's
the king around here?
is
filled
makes modern-day divas of
morsels. Jezebel
Ahab was a wimp. An evil wimp,
Come
ally a
have to break
chopped
evil look like
band.
just
219
now
has to clean
has made. But she secretly likes
to see the person down-and-out.
She
will
even go so
far as to
plant seeds of disrespect in the hearts of others around the person in order to secure her position as controller.
She
will destroy the
reputation of her husband to clear the path for herself.
atmosphere that she can look as
No
if
set herself up as the rescuer.
It is
She
in this
likes to
she saved the day. This builds feelings of dependency.
one would dare replace
her,
even
if
they couldn't stand her,
because she's convinced them that they need her in order to function.
With
this
groundwork
laid,
she meticulously does her dirty
work beneath a cloak of behind-the-scenes deception. She use the
name
of the person she
is
will
"helping" to further her agenda.
This ensures that the fallout doesn't
fall
back on
her.
She plants
her seeds of dissension well, waters them with promises of reward or threats of retribution (whichever
view the
final
her hands,
How
outcome.
stifles
work
best),
and
sits
back to
When the explosion comes, she wipes off
a yawn,
and moves on.
.
.next!
does this manage to roam undetected in circles where
one would expect people to be more discerning? Because the
woman
with a manipulative
the outer
traits
spirit
is
usually
good
at mastering
of femininity as well as a very convincing
show
The Power of Being a
220
She surrounds
of being religious.
who
will speak
what she wants
Woman
herself with false prophets, those
She
to hear.
is
intimate with her
group of cronies, or so they are led to believe. But she
select
is
always in control of how close they really get to her because their
presence
This
is
why
is
prophets.
gone!
only convenient as long as they carry out her wishes.
when
Jezebel was furious
Elijah killed
She could not believe that her
They had
little
o{ her
elves were all
husband
assisted her in leading her
all
astray into
Baal worship. This was the completion of his abdication from his role as a husband.
He was no
position she could urge
him
to
had submitted himself to her represent
makes
a
all
longer priest, she was.
do
all
And
in that
manner of evil because he
spiritual leadership.
forms of idolatry or materialism.
Now, Baal can
When
a
woman
man feel that he has to deliver all sorts oi things he can't
afford in order to
win that woman's
led into dishonest
means
so that
respect,
he
will eventually
he can acquire
Notice that Jezebel was not against praying, part in any other outward religious shows.
be
she desires.
all
fasting, or taking
These things only
heightened her reputation for possessing great
spirituality,
when
in essence she hated all of these things in their pure form.
She
hated the true prophet of God, Elijah. She wanted him silenced.
He was messing up her agenda of deception. where she wanted them
—
until
he came along. Her husband
didn't give her a hard time because
became
So he walked
upset.
the peace.
man, he had
him
he feared her rage when she
agreement with her
Anyone know any husbands
Elijah off for a minute
killing
in
when
like that?
she threatened to
just finished calling
900 of
She'd had everyone
Jezebel's prophets,
down
fire
just to
keep
She even threw kill
him. Poor
from heaven and
and one threat from her sent
running. That type of caustic
spirit will
humble even the
— The Power of Influence
boldest all
man of God. The
that
of manipulation feels justified in
does.
it
And
spirit
221
let's
woman
not forget that the manipulative
is
not
above using her feminine wiles. She will pretty herself up with the best of them. Jezebel threw lavish banquets for her prophet
She knew that the way
cronies.
stomach. She covered
all
to a man's heart
her bases,
let
me
tell
is
through his
you.
You don't
think she had 850 prophets wrapped around her finger for
knew
nothing, do you? She was attractive, seductive, and she
how
to
work a man
Look again
she must.
if
Above
at the list o{ sins that
all,
she had
no
morals.
accompany manipulation
sexual immorality, drunkenness, debauchery, impurity, and orgies.
In
its
ceremonies, Baal worship included orgies as well as
rest of
the things
You might
on the
this in the present day, but
—a gorging of
consider anything in excess as an orgy so to speak.
Even
if it's
the
list.
no one does
say that
all
one's senses,
not totally carried out, having an
of las-
air
civiousness and using improper displays of sensuality to entice
men to bend to your wishes falls
into the
same category. The
sins
here are jealousy, envy, idolatry, and selfish ambition. Wanting
what does not belong
to
stage for manipulation.
expense of others, and tions,
and
conquer.
fits
God
you and thinking that
it
should
yourself
sets
happy
the
at the
results in hatred, discord, dissensions, fac-
of rage. Manipulation intimidates and divides to is
not pleased with any of these attitudes, and
deals very harshly with those
of behavior.
making
It justifies
Though
it
who
may work
insist
on
He
displaying this type
for a season, the final result
is
never pleasant. Jezebel got her way, but in the end she paid with the
life
who
of her husband, herself, and her generations of children
followed.
They
all
died ugly deaths, proving that your per-
sonal realm of control will not outlast your soul.
"He who
leads
Woman
The Power of Being a
222
the upright along an evil path will
fall
into his
own trap,
but the
blameless will receive a good inheritance" (Proverbs 28:10 Niv).
Taking Advantage of His Weakness Some of you are thinking to yourself that you don't know any women who are that evil You don't know any women who have a bevy of male lackeys following
beck and
call,
who weave
of soup. You're right stuff.
Delilah,
smooth
at
some sermons
more
as
bowl
a
subtle with their
"DeTie-yah," was real
—using
her hands, her body, and her perfume.
lips,
woman
thing.
slowly squeezing the strength. This
him
in
are a little
at their
stir
working her game. Her specialty was seduction
her eyes, her total
—some
known
them around, jumping
treachery as easily as they
is
It
was a
She drugged Samson with her femininity, life
out of him by extracting the secret of his
a classic example of using a man's secrets against
to further yourself. Delilah lived in the valley of Sorek.
word "Sorek" means "choice
look harmless enough, even pretty. But destroy the entire structure.
cement and devastate the
They can
walls with
can cover windows, shutting out Before you
know
it,
left
unchecked, they can
actually creep through
armor.
open
its
huge cracks and holes. They
all light
from the outside world.
the whole building has been claimed by what
appeared to be a harmless vine. In translation, a senseless
The
vines." Vines attached to a building
man
is
rendered
once you've worked your way between the cracks of his
When
he's lost his
discernment and can't
for all of his defenses to
crumble to
dust.
see, he's
He
is
wide
then a
sit-
ting target for destruction.
Delilah
knew
all
of this as she prepared her house with
incense and prepared herself with costly toiletries and seductive clothing.
She
carefully
planned her time with Samson
as she pre-
pared his favorite dishes and selected just the right wine for
The Power of Influence
dulling his senses.
of
womanly
naivete.
She was a master
at
223
mixing the perfect amount
expertise with the ideal proportion of childlike
She knew the combination could be So she fed him, stroked him, and
just right.
With visions of the
silver that
set
when
lethal
him up
had been promised
used
for the kill.
to her for deliv-
ering Samson's secret to the Philistines, she set to work.
poured on the
much his
flattery,
appealing to his ego, telling
strength impressed her.
she said, right?
And while
he
You can just imagine what
source o{ his
strength.
he humored her with a
who found was
false.
lie
—
a
Knowing he
lie
him
With
this,
weapon
—whining,
until
exploded in a
did,
Delilah stepped up her program. She had first
go-round, but
subtle at
then building in insistence
first,
classic accusation:
"You don't love me!
sleeping in her lap, she called another
thus ushering
Delilah
won
by exposing his
him
to
come
cut his hair
trust,
wooing him to a place of com-
and then making him the victim of other men
secrets.
Well, as you know, Samson's hair even-
grew back, he leveled the Philistine temple with one push,
and then he died amidst the rubble.
one
man
And while he lay
to his death.
her man's
plete rest with her
God
If
wore him down, and then, appealing to the heart of
the rescuer within him, she finally got her wish.
tually
when
last secret
you would..." You know the routine. Like a dripping
faucet, she
off,
it,
out in a most unpleasant way that the information
her plan failed a second time, she pulled out her
you
as to the
shouldn't reveal
she delivered to the Philistines,
pretended to be a good sport during the
it
else
lay basking in her praise, well-fed,
well-loved, and well-appreciated, she queried
awesome
She
him how
What happened
to Delilah?
only knows. Perhaps she, too, died at the temple, taking last
there
is
look at her handiwork.
I
wouldn't be surprised. Truly,
a pattern that emerges here.
Women who
might get what they want momentarily, but
it
costs
manipulate
them more
The Power of Being a
224
Woman
men in their lives much more rewarding
than they gain. In the process, they lose the
and they
also lose themselves.
God
has a
design for the power of influence that
/7~ (_^his as
a
is
He has bestowed upon us.
where true femininity emerges
clear victor. It triumphs over the barriers
of misunderstanding.
It
disarms the hard of
heart. It gently leads to
repairs the breach
and
those
a
better
way.
It
between those who have
who
are wanting.
Esther actually used the same recipe as Delilah, minus the deception, whining, and accusations. She prepared herself to be pleasing in appearance to her husband. She, too, fed
stroked his ego by making
enough
for her.
Though
that her husband
own
desire.
first
him
fully satisfied before
until
he asked her
for
to him.
How could she
threatening circumstances?
made
her request, and final judg-
be so calm in the face of such
What would
sure
she sought her
then she very simply stated her need, leaving the
ment
him and
company was reward
she wanted something, she
was
She waited
feel that his
life-
keep her from trying
to manipulate the situation in the face of such a dire emergency? First of all,
she
confident that
felt
that her desire was God's desire.
God would have
the final say
if
She was
she stayed in the
The Power of Influence
She had made her
right position.
first
225
appeal to God.
He had
did not speak to the king's heart, then obviously
plan for her and her people. Remember, she said, "If perish."
She knew that her
life
hung
greater authority than her husband. for alarm, she
knew
move with
lie
kind of a heart
And how
femininity emerges as a clear victor. of misunderstanding. to a better way.
It
could a
such a countenance? This
resist
It
I
an even
in man's
serene calm should the king
choose not to intervene on her behalf. Ultimately, God's will that would be done.
another
she explained her reason
that her fate really did not
hands. This freed her to
God
perish,
I
in the balance of
As
If
It
man
with any
where
is
true
triumphs over the barriers
disarms the hard of heart.
repairs the breach
would be
it
It
gently leads
between those who have
and those who are wanting. In the
her
book of
1
Samuel, Abigail did not exactly have time on
but she utilized the time that she had well, presenting
side,
David with food and provisions to abate
his anger.
She then
appealed to his sense of judgment on behalf of God's purposes,
and
this
kept
regretted later.
him from making It
a decision
he would have
stopped David from moving forward with his
plan to destroy her household because of the stupidity of her hus-
band. Abigail
made
sure that
David was
noticed that food seems to pop up in it's
because a
feeds
So be
him
gail did
either strengthen
to render
careful
Have you
of these stories? Perhaps
woman really does feed the soul of a man. What she
him can
poison
all
well-fed.
him
what you
stir
now
do the
right thing, or
making
foolish choices.
to
susceptible to
up in that man! The next thing Abi-
was to give David credit
important. David was
him
for
having good sense. This
freed to think clearly
sound decision without feeling
like
he was
and to make
is
a
rolling over. Far too
Woman
The Power of Being a
226
many times says
it
it is
not what a
that causes
him
woman says to a man,
to rebel against perfectly
it is
the way she
good advice.
"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel" (Proverbs 27:9 Niv).
"An
honest answer
is
like a kiss
on the
lips" (Pro-
verbs 24:26 NIV).
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying
tongue
lasts
only a
moment"
(Proverbs 12:18,19 Niv). "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul
and healing
"A [woman]
to the bones" (Proverbs 16:24 Niv).
of knowledge uses words with re-
straint" (Proverbs 17:27 Niv).
Why do you
think that Pilate, in the heat o{ making a deci-
sion concerning the sentencing of Jesus, stopped to consider his wife's
opinion on the matter? Here he
sat,
surrounded by people
screaming their heads off in the heat of the day. Tension was fever pitch,
One
little
and in the middle of all
this
him wash had
evervthing stops.
note from his wife, warning Pilate not to be involved
in determining
about
this turmoil
at
what happened
man which his
to Jesus, that she'd
a reputation for giving his soul
a
dream
troubled her deeply, was enough to
hands of sealing Jesus'
watched over
had
fate. Pilate's
wife must have
him sound counsel. He knew
and covered
that his wife's counsel was based
make
that she
his heart. Pilate also
on her watching out
knew
for his best
The Power of Influence
interest.
227
Hers was pure counsel that he could
heart of a feminine and virtuous
"A
far
more than
This
is
the
woman.
who can
wife of noble character
worth
trust.
rubies.
confidence in her and lacks
him good, not harm, (Proverbs 31:1042 NIV).
brings
find? She is Her husband has full nothing of value. She
the days of her
all
life"
The virtuous woman set her man's mind at ease, thus preparing him to deal effectively with his world. She influenced him to
make decisions
life,
that would not only ensure victory in his daily
but would also keep
ordained purpose.
Mary
the path to completing his
song
as a child
down."
fable
med-
true!
It is
comes
God-
was the one from
Poppins that went, "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the
icine go
A
him on
My favorite
mind
to
here,
one involving a
between the North Wind and the Sun.
One day,
as
little
bet
both observed
man walking down a lonesome road, they wagered as to which one of the two could get the man to remove his topcoat. The North Wind, full of confidence, decided to go first. He filled his a
cheeks with Arctic
air
and blew with
all his
might.
The man,
feeling the chill, merely pulled his coat tighter about him.
North Wind blew some more, only even tighter with each pletely exhausted, the
the
Sun
to take a
try.
to
man pull his coat wind's breath. Com-
have the
frigid gust of the
North Wind finally stepped
Well, the
all
aside to allow
Sun just mounted up high above
the clouds and began to shine his warmest rays.
with
So the
He quietly shone
the effervescence he could muster. After a while, the
man began to grow warm, so he loosened the folds of his coat. And still the Sun did not move; he simply continued to shine in his warm, quiet way. After a while the man began to perspire,
The Power of Being a
228
the Sun's
warmth cheering his
Woman
chilled bones.
Wiping his brow, he
looked toward the Sun with a welcoming smile and removed his coat. Force versus
of giving
—you
warmth, a
figure
it
little
patience, and a generous dose
out.
Becoming One important to note that having a profound effect on the
It is
men
in our world brings us full circle
back to the
issue of sub-
mission.
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your hus-
bands so
that,
word, they
if
any of them do not believe the
may be won over without words by the when they see the purity
behavior of their wives,
and reverence of your
a
lives" (1 Peter 3:1,2 Niv).
God has given us the incredible power to convert men! Only submitted woman can influence a man, or any type of author-
ity,
for that matter.
The
goal
is
willing cooperation.
Going along
begrudgingly does not build loyalty, but submission lowers the resistance to
sound instruction and paves the way
for a profitable
exchange between the two parties involved. In the arena of marriage,
where becoming one
is
essential to achieving this goal.
would
God's mandate, submission
And
like to carefully address for
this brings
for a
name when she marries. Or hyphenate her name and her husband's name. take her husband's
What
your motive?
If it's
to
an area
your consideration.
watched with increasing alarm the tendency
is
me
I
is I
have
woman not to
she chooses to I
have to
ask:
a matter of your individualism, then
you open the door to the serpent causing problems in your marriage.
Think about
it.
On one hand,
they are incomplete without a
he has
man and
women
feeling that
that they must have a
The Power of Influence
man's
name
get a
man, the serpent
to take
away
own identity. keep women bound up
The
their
riages
ness
tells
them he
be that
it
her husband's
name
I
finally
that they need to maintain
will
it is
if
he can't
wreak havoc on their mar-
any way he can. As insignificant
may seem, can
Then, when they
serpent hates marriage, and
single,
even deeper problem?
sets
their reproach.
229
as this
whole name
actually the
busi-
symptom of an
believe that a woman's refusal to take
serves a
mandate against her marriage.
her up for a hard time, or even
It
based on a divided
failure,
beginning.
Remember, names something.
Is
are very significant to
God. Names mean
your stating that you must keep your
for business purposes a
own name
roundabout way oi saying that what was
going on in your world before you met your husband important to you?
Or
that you don't trust this
drop that seed in his
spirit
and water
it
more submissive than you.
Even though
to
big-time! This sets
your husband up to become vulnerable to someone to be
more
You better believe the serpent
disregard previous experiences? will
is
man enough
It
he, in his attempt to
who
appears
also confuses your children.
seem
like a liberated
new-
millennium kind of man, murmurs that whatever you want to do is
fine with him,
better a
it is still
wonder why
insult to his spirit. If
not. Perhaps
good compromise
abdicate in the
an
it's
he thinks the deal
for selling out his
not,
he's getting
cover over you.
name department, chances
you had is
If he'll
are he'll abdicate in
He won't step up to cover you in man who is grounded spiritually, knowing his and what God has ordered him to be to you, will take your
other areas of your marriage.
many place
ways. But a
denial of his
name
as a personal affront. It fights against the order
of the universe, God's divine law,
which decrees that a man
shall
leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife, and the two shall
The Power of Being a
230
become
Woman
one. All of this gets lost in the shuffle as
we opt
for
appearing contemporary, sophisticated, and informed, hut
what
at
cost?
"Who
is
wise and understanding
him show
it
by his good
among you?
by deeds done in the
life,
humility that comes from wisdom. But bitter
envy and
selfish
not boast about does not
it
or
if
you harbor
ambition in your hearts, do
deny the
truth.
Such 'wisdom'
come down from heaven but
unspiritual, o( the devil. For
and
Let
is
earthly,
where you have envy
ambition, there you find disorder and
selfish
every evil practice" (James 3:13-16 Niv).
So
it
seems that what
itually correct.
tion of a
on
to
quiet.
politically correct isn't necessarily spir-
Wisdom and
power couple.
become
is
humility combined are God's defini-
remember that
I
a friend of mine
who went and
incredibly wealthy was extremely unassuming
Whenever
I
messed with him about
how
quiet
would always respond that you grow wiser by being
he was, he
He was
quiet.
always drinking in information. He never felt the need to share how much he knew, but it showed up on the bottom line of his life. When we as women envy a man's position of leadership and entertain the selfish ambition of running everything the
want
it
to go, the
end
result
that will leave the door wide
For those of you
who
is
disorder in the household.
open for every
indulge yourselves in this business of
you are a brave woman. There are not
is
and you allow your
man
to go to
all
I
can say
enough men
in
is
him that
church
as
church unprotected? That
throwing him to the wolves. Never overestimate
to your husband,
And
evil practice to enter.
going to his church and you going to yours,
it is,
way we
who you
and never underestimate the damage the
are ser-
— The Power of Influence
231
when you're not looking. Remember,
pent can do
the family
who
prays together, stays together. If
band
you are married, your goal
—one
in the spirit,
Because marriage
is
one
a covenant.
Somebody has to die in order ally,
both people
have to
die.
to
is
become one with your hus-
in your passions,
A covenant
is
When God made split it
then passed between the two halves to
down
seal
in
name.
Why?
based on death.
covenant to be
for a
Abraham, He took one animal, fulness to
one
fulfilled.
Actu-
a covenant with
the middle, and
His promise of faith-
Abraham. That's what God wants
to
do with you and
He wants both of you to come together, render Him pass through. It is God in the center of your marriage that fuses you into a reflection of the oneness He
your husband.
yourselves dead, and let
shares with His
Son and with
the Holy Ghost.
They
yet each
is
agree in
all
are
They counsel amongst them-
three separate parts, they are one. selves.
Though they
None moves apart from the other,
things.
considered equally powerful because they feed off of
God felt Adam was lacking when He said, "It is not good for man to be alone." This is what God created in the garden. He first took one man, then took a woman out of the man, and finally put them back together one another. This
is
the intimacy
kind of like twins.
We've
all
heard
stories of
other have amazingly through. That's the
felt
how
twins living apart from each
what the other twin was going
exactly
way God wants
practically living inside of
a
husband and wife
to be
one another. Have you ever noticed
when you see an old couple who have been together forever, They can finish one another's sentences. They seem so settled and happy. Individual agendas are that
they even begin to look alike?
a thing of the past. All the fight
another. That's
"Love
is
becoming one.
not love which
alters
is I
gone. They've settled into one
think Shakespeare said
when
it
it
best:
alteration finds." In other
The Power of Being a
232
words, love automatically
Woman
going to change some things, and
is
you won't even mind.
"Two
good return
work.
for their
him
friend can help
up.
If
one
down,
falls
But pity the
together, they will keep
his
man who falls
and has no one to help him up! Also,
down
have a
are better than one, because they
two
if
lie
warm. But how can
one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. three strands
A
cord of
not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes
is
4:9-12 NIV).
There
are benefits to this partnership thing.
There
giving that comes from love that goes the extra mile.
is
The
a
cost
never matters to true love.
We know that God so loved us that
He gave
own Son. Because God was
a
the
life
of His very
covenant relationship with
that's less.
some
Love
love.
is
Do
So
here's
taking his name.
You is
really don't
us,
death was involved. Now,
hear any other volunteers? Love
humbling because
to the wind, to give
love.
I
it
causes you to cast
and give again. Now,
my humble It is
seeking
suggestion:
all
is self-
caution
that's if you're truly in
Crown
his cover over you. Don't
that
man
deny him
by
that.
have an identity to protect, anyway. Your
life
supposed to be hidden in Christ. "I
am crucified with Christ:
not
I,
now of
nevertheless
but Christ liveth in me: and the
live in the flesh
I
live
I
life
live;
yet
which
I
by the faith of the Son
God, who loved me, and gave himself
for
me"
(Galatians 2:20 Kjv).
Remember, when God created woman out of man, He saw
them as one from the beginning. For Him
there was
no separation
The Power of Influence
Though
in identity.
the two had different functions, they
up the whole of one another. in
mind
233
He called them both man. So keep
that every time you see the
word "man"
sort,
such as
it is
in the Bible,
man.
that includes you because you were taken from to us universally, unless
made
God speaks
a specific gender reference of
some
men should not wear clothes pertaining to a woman. know that your oneness is on a higher world purports. As you and your mate strive
In light of this information,
order than what the
to look like Christ, submitting to
God
another, you will end up looking alike. personification of love your aim,
as
you submit to one
Make
submitting to the
and oneness will be achieved. As
you work toward oneness with your mate, giving him room to be
who God
has called
him
to be in your world,
you
will find that
submission will be mutual. You will be freed to be the voice of influence
not evil
who God designed you to be, doing your man good and of his days. He, in return, will be freed to respond to
all
the jewels you deposit in his spirit and
And
blessing to you.
that,
my friend,
is
become an even
greater
the grand prize.
"When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called
them 'man'" (Genesis
Dear Heavenly powerful
me
gift
to wield
exercise
my
Father, thank
You've given
it
You for
me —
the extraordinarily
the gift of influence.
Teach
Make me mindful of Your Word as 1 Keep me in remembrance of Your purposes
well.
gift.
5:1,2 Niv).
The Power of Being a
234
in
my
as well as those
life,
Woman
whom You put
within
my
sphere
me never to abuse the hearts and wills of me know when I have crossed the line to manipuLead me by Your Spirit, that I might know when to
of influence Help .
others. Let lation.
plant and
when
to let
go in order for You
to
water and bear
around me. As I yield myself me to yield to those whom You have placed over me. Help me to do it joyfully. Open my eyes to see the reward of submission. And Lord, with those who the increase in the lives of those
to
Your leadership, help
make and
it
difficult to
give
me a
follow Your design,
move
in
a special way
testimony of victory. In Jesus' name.
1.
What can
2.
How can
3.
Why do we overlook the gift of influence
a
woman's influence do
influence be
to a
Amen.
man?
more powerful than authority?
The Power of Influence
How does
235
4.
What
5.
Why is witchcraft compared to rebellion?
6.
Who was one of the most manipulative women in the Bible?
is
manipulation?
What was
her sin?
it
differ
from influence?
How did she go about getting
her way?
7
8.
.
What deception justifies a woman in her own mind when she is manipulating someone?
How does a woman usually play out her manipulations without them being detected?
9.
How does manipulation justify involved?
its
actions?
What
sins are
The Power of Being a
236
10.
What
is
the
method
Woman
of manipulation?
What
is
God's
response to manipulation?
11.
How did Delilah manipulate
Samson? What were her
tactics?
12.
What
does manipulation cost a
13.
What
gives a
authority
woman confidence
when
she needs to
14.
What type of woman does it What must be her posture?
15.
What
is
woman
in the end?
to approach
make
someone
a request?
take to influence a
the serpent's attitude toward marriage?
does he seek to destroy
it?
man?
How
in
The Power of Influence
16.
237
How does refusing to take your husband's name affect him
spiritually?
17.
What happens when women envy
18.
What should your goal
19.
How can a woman achieve oneness with her man? What
as a
a man's position
married
woman be?
should her goal be?
20.
How do you cross
the line from influence to manipu-
lation in your relationships? to?
Where can you
Why do you feel you need
place your trust in order to release
your needs and desires?
NINE
wer
o /
J he watched the glass now empty badly in need of a
refill
her arms hung heavily by her sides too weary from her constant revisiting of a task she longed for
him
to
do
he too waited accustomed to her frequent attendance
he saw no need to break a familiar pattern though he knew
it
was his duty
to refresh her to
fill
her
she had done so well refreshing herself
he now had no memory of how to go about the task
and he wondered why her eyes were so angry though her speech did not give her away the distance he
felt
from her body
when he reached left
to caress her
unanswered questions
in his
mind
that he dared not utter afraid of the responsibility
her answer might require on his part
and so he waited waited for her to
refill
the glass
but instead she just stood there
with her arms dangling
like
looking up toward the heavens lips
moving
silently
pouring out her soul tears streaming
down 240
leaden appendages
.
until they overflowed the
and
as she
reached for
brim of the
glass
it
the unthinkable occurred the glass tipped over spilling
its
contents
rolling rolling
rolling out of her reach
landing at his feet
and she
still
standing
not moving except to see
if
her prayers had been answered
watched him bend to pick
it
up
staring as
if
at a foreign object
finally a glint of recognition lighting his face
he
revisited his initial call filling
it
with himself
he gave her to drink
and she partook of his still
and then into
now
filling
as the
making room as
his eyes
with understanding
anger
left
for softness in
hers
her gaze
her arms regained their strength
no longer exhausted from both their loads with one arm unfettered she was to truly
offering gratefully
looking toward heaven
now
free
embrace him
her glass was
full.
241
.
carrying
/ive me children or
v^^at
Jacob, glaring at
else
him
I
as
die!"
Rachel
bitterly flung her
he were the worst kind of
if
words
traitor.
How dare he give another woman children when it was with her that his heart took
its
solace?
What
type of cruel joke was this?
She, his beloved, was barren while her
sister
who had
Leah,
gained Jacob as a husband through deception, gave him children as easily as she sneezed.
What had she done
to deserve this
humiliating station? She wanted her husband to fix
it
now! But
mad. This was
all
he could do was look
far
beyond
his control.
at
her
fix this
as if
most
mess and
she had gone
They were both
at the
mercy of One higher than themselves.
Sometimes our own things from
We
men that
are not
wonder what type of
man
in our
life
insecurities
doesn't
humanly
evil
seem
can cause us to demand possible for
hand God has
them
dealt us
to give.
when
the
to assist us in being fruitful, be
it
pregnancy, financial assistance, or just plain ole simple happiness.
Women so often wonder why,
gaining a spouse, they this
is
There
still feel
after clinching the
empty and
the most painful lesson that any is
anyone
a place in our hearts that only
else to deliver joy
unfulfilled.
Perhaps
human being can learn. God can fill. To rely on
and fulfillment to our door 242
dream of
is
to
come
Going over His Head
243
up sadly wanting, peering around the doorframe of our if
lives to see
the deliveryman forgot to leave the package. It is
important for us to understand the revelation that
fruit-
fulness
comes from the Lord, not from man. God's command
Adam
and Eve
in the
Webster defines being
garden was to be fruitful as
fruitful
spirit, as
to multiply
them is
and multiply.
being abundantly productive.
Adam and Eve's individual call was to bear fruit, the
to
as in the fruit of
well as natural productivity. Their mutual call was
—multiply others who bore
in the process
God would meet
fruit.
and add to what they produced. Fruitfulness
where our true contentment
lies,
and
this
is
made
possible by
the handiwork of God Himself. "I will
look on you with favor and
make you fruitful
and increase your numbers, and
I
will
keep
my
covenant with you" (Leviticus 26:9 Niv).
"Whoever has
will
be given more, and he will have
an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what
he has
will
be taken from him" (Matthew 13:12
NIV).
Remember what happened when that bore
no fruit? He cursed
already dead.
To not bear
anyone but ourselves
commanded
fruit
As far as he was concerned, is
for our lives
to be dead.
fruitfulness, unless
good works.
fruit to
wither or grow
If
it
it
was
cannot blame
He has equipped us to No human being should
they are adding to
greater
We
being barren of fruit.
us to be fruitful.
whether single or married.
ciate
it.
Jesus spotted the fig tree
be
God has fruitful,
affect
your
by provoking you to
they are subtracting from you, causing your bitter,
with that person.
you should reconsider why you
asso-
The Power of Being a
244
women must understand that they are as close to their
Single
mate
as they're ever
going to be right where they are now. Mar-
ried
women, come along with me on
you.
A single friend of mine
dinner.
Woman
this one;
shared this with
also applies to
it
me one
day over
She had been asking God where her mate was, and He
kept answering, "I've got your mate right here." To which she
would
reply,
"Right here where?" Finally
God opened her under-
standing to see that her mate was inside of Him. be? Simple.
God knows where your mate
everything there
him
today,
is
to
you would
know about your still
have to go to
about him. Married women,
God can supply the
is
God
is
is
leaving out. is
He knows if
you met
to find out things
when your husband
information he
God. He
right now.
mate. Even
the day, your relationship with your mate relationship with
How could this
isn't talking,
At
the end of
only as good as your
the bridge between the two of your
lives.