Children's Books Series All six 6 agatha parrot book complete series including zombie bird children's books 9780739326756

Table of contents :
Agatha Parrot and the Thirteenth Chicken by Kjartan Poskitt
Title Page
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
The Gang!
Frontispiece
The Little New Things
The Big New Thing
Chicken Crazy
Motley’s Box of Great Mystery
The Potato-Headed Monster
Who’s in the Box?
Chicken Soccer
What’s Tocking the Bloob Up?
A Sad Goodbye
The Magic Cactus
The Lump of Doom
Don’t Count your Chickens Before They Hatch!
Who Did It and How?
The Odd Street Miracle
The Chicken Puzzle by Agatha Jane Parrot
Read More from the Agatha Parrot Series
Middle Grade Mania!
Agatha Parrot Mania!
About the Author
About the Illustrator
Connect with HMH on Social Media
Agatha Parrot and the Odd Street School Ghost by Kjartan Poskitt
Title Page
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
The Gang!
Frontispiece
How to Read This Book
Midnight Chimes
Dad’s Smelly Surprise
The Boy with Cheese and Onion Hair
The Haunted Collection
Ghost Fever
The Mysterious Window
The Bell and the Bipper Sloots
Mrs. Twelvetrees Has a Brilliant Idea
The Door in the Ceiling
The Dark Auditorium
The THING in Motley’s Office
Nosy Rosie Gets a Helping Hand
The Little Shortie Chapter
The Last DONG!
Motley’s Magic Bucket Trick
Coming Soon
Middle Grade Mania!
About the Author
About the Illustrator
Agatha Parrot and the Mushroom Boy by Kjartan Poskitt
Cover
Dedication
Copyright
Title Page
Contents
What is the Point of Big Brothers?
The Start
Twenty Seconds Later
Next Door or Next Door to Next Door
The Famous Cake of Odd Street
BBC2 is a Chocolate Flower
The Lucky Guess
Mean Old Mum and Martha’s Milkshake
The Silver Bullet
Nasty Surprises
If You Go Down to the Woods Today . . .
Who’s Laughing Now?
The Ending
How to Make a Cake
Agatha Parrot and the Heart of Mud by Kjartan Poskitt
Title Page
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
The Gang!
Frontispiece
The Heart of . . . What?
The Return of the Mud Creature
The Best of Enemies
Nice and Friendly and Boring
Welcome to the Club
What???
Zogs and Debras
Inside Information
Ivy Malting and Her Secret-Message-Sending Leg
Too Many Xs!
The Lesson
Martha’s Funny Mood
Ellie Makes Me Jealous
Miss Pingle to the Rescue
Who?
Don’t Talk About the Diaper
The Surprise Substitute
The Ending
Bianca’s Facts About Zebras
Coming Soon from Kjartan Poskitt
Middle Grade Mania!
About the Author
About the Illustrator
Agatha Parrot and the Floating Head by Kjartan, Poskitt
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
The Gang
Contents
The Usual Boring Old Warning
The Start
Looking Down Plugholes
The Cold Heatwave
Cornflakes and Eskimos
Martha’s Bummy is a Talloon
Mysterious Puddles
The Emergency Bucket and Mop Operation
The Clever Dummy
The Other Martha Puts her Foot in it
It’s Tudor Time!
The Strange Story of Queen Martha
The Ghost of Anne Boleyn
Mummies and Ice Cream
Top Secret Ending
Copyright
Title Page
Dedication
Contents
Chapter 1: ‘I’m thinking’ – Oh, but are you?
Chapter 2: Renegade perception
Chapter 3: The Pushbacker sting
Chapter 4: ‘Covid’: The calculated catastrophe
Chapter 5: There is no ‘virus’
Chapter 6: Sequence of deceit
Chapter 7: War on your mind
Chapter 8: ‘Reframing’ insanity
Chapter 9: We must have it? So what is it?
Chapter 10: Human 2.0
Chapter 11: Who controls the Cult?
Chapter 12: Escaping Wetiko
Postscript
Appendix: Cowan-Kaufman-Morell Statement on Virus Isolation
Bibliography
Index
Hollywood Propaganda: How TV, Movies, and Music Shape Our Culture by Dice, Mark
Introduction
The Politics of Entertainment
War on Trump
War on America
Immigration
War on White People
Film and Television Liaison Offices
Climate Change
Sports “News”
Late-Night Comedy Shows
Award Shows
Feminism
The LGBT Agenda
Sexual Deviants
Crimes Inspired by Hollywood
Conclusion
Copyright Info
Footnotes
The Liberal Media Industrial Complex by Dice, Mark
Summary of Mark Dice's the Bohemian Grove by Everest Media
Insights from Chapter 1
Insights from Chapter 2
Insights from Chapter 3
Insights from Chapter 4
Insights from Chapter 5
Insights from Chapter 6
Insights from Chapter 7
Insights from Chapter 8
Insights from Chapter 9
Insights from Chapter 10
Insights from Chapter 11
The Bohemian Grove: Facts & Fiction by Mark Dice
Introduction
History of the Grove
Their Symbols, Saint, and Motto
The Different Subcamps
The Cremation of Care Ritual
The Lakeside Talks
Infiltrations and Leaks
Hookers and Homosexuality
Allegations of Murder
Talk Radio Hosts Dodge the Topic
The Belizean Grove
Depictions in Television and Film
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Footnotes
Causing Trouble: High School Pranks, College Craziness, and Moving to California by Dice, Mark
Table of Contents
Introduction
High School
College Craziness
Middle School
Moving to California
Looking Back on it All
Inside the Illuminati: Evidence, Objectives, and Methods of Operation by Mark Dice
Introduction
Early Evidence
The Thirteen Bloodlines Theory
Affiliated Secret Societies
Spiritual Beliefs
Symbolism
Insiders’ Hints
“Ex-Illuminati Members”
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright Info
Footnotes
The New World Order: Facts & Fiction by Dice, Mark
About the Author
Introduction
Calls for a New World Order
World Governed by the Elite Through Occult Secret Societies
Mainstream Media Controlled
High Level Officials and Institutions within the NWO are Above the Law
Immorality and Destructive Behavior is Encouraged
Banking, Money, and Taxes
One World Currency
Population Reduction
One World Religion
A Global Dictator Claiming to be God
Global Police and Military Force
A Nation of Spies
Elimination of the Right to Bear Arms
Elimination of National Sovereignty
Monitoring the Population with Big Brother.
A Medicated and Sedated Population
Science and Technology
Global Warming / Climate Change
Fringe Topics
Conclusion
Footnotes
The Bilderberg Group: Facts & Fiction by Mark Dice
Introduction
The Attendees
Recent Meetings
How Were They First Discovered?
Tax Returns
Politicians Silent
Actions and Effects
Talk Show Hosts Play Dumb
Bilderberg’s Goals
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright Info
Footnotes
Illuminati in the Music Industry by Dice, Mark
Introduction
Rap and Hip Hop
Pop Music
Rock and Heavy Metal
Country Music
Conclusion
Footnotes
The New World Order: Facts & Fiction by Mark Dice
About the Author
Introduction
Calls for a New World Order
World Governed by the Elite Through Occult Secret Societies
Mainstream Media Controlled
High Level Officials and Institutions within the NWO are Above the Law
Immorality and Destructive Behavior is Encouraged
Banking, Money, and Taxes
One World Currency
Population Reduction
One World Religion
A Global Dictator Claiming to be God
Global Police and Military Force
A Nation of Spies
Elimination of the Right to Bear Arms
Elimination of National Sovereignty
Monitoring the Population with Big Brother
A Medicated and Sedated Population
Science and Technology
Global Warming / Climate Change
Fringe Topics
Conclusion
Bibliography
Footnotes
Big Brother: The Orwellian Nightmare Come True by Mark Dice
Introduction
Surveillance Cameras
Global Positioning Systems
Radio Frequency Identification Devices (RFID)
Mind-Reading Machines
Neural Interfaces
Psychotronic Weapons
Information Technology
Orwellian Government Programs
The Nanny State
Orwellian Weapons
Artificial Intelligence
Cybernetic Organisms
A Closer Look at Nineteen Eighty-Four
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright
Footnotes
Big Brother: The Orwellian Nightmare Come True by Mark Dice
Introduction
Surveillance Cameras
Global Positioning Systems
Radio Frequency Identification Devices (RFID)
Mind-Reading Machines
Neural Interfaces
Psychotronic Weapons
Information Technology
Orwellian Government Programs
The Nanny State
Orwellian Weapons
Artificial Intelligence
Cybernetic Organisms
A Closer Look at Nineteen Eighty-Four
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright
Footnotes
True Story of Fake News by Mark Dice
Introduction
Real Fake News
The Media Circus
The Power of Propaganda
Lying by Omission
Fake Hate Crimes
Operation Mockingbird
White House Correspondents’ Dinner
Liberal Bias Confirmed
The Sun Valley Conference
The New Media
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
Google
Wikipedia
CNN
NBC News
CBS News
ABC News
MSNBC
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright Info
Footnotes
The Liberal Media Industrial Complex by Mark Dice
Introduction
Censorship
The Memory Hole
The War on Trump
The War on Trump Supporters
The War on Families
TV “News”
Internet “News” Sites
Wikipedia
Google
Rise of Social Media
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
The Future of Fake News
Conclusion
Copyright Info
Footnotes
True Story of Fake News by Mark Dice
Introduction
Real Fake News
The Media Circus
The Power of Propaganda
Lying by Omission
Fake Hate Crimes
Operation Mockingbird
White House Correspondents’ Dinner
Liberal Bias Confirmed
The Sun Valley Conference
The New Media
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
Google
Wikipedia
CNN
NBC News
CBS News
ABC News
MSNBC
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright Info
Footnotes
Big Brother: The Orwellian Nightmare Come True by Mark Dice
Introduction
Surveillance Cameras
Global Positioning Systems
Radio Frequency Identification Devices (RFID)
Mind-Reading Machines
Neural Interfaces
Psychotronic Weapons
Information Technology
Orwellian Government Programs
The Nanny State
Orwellian Weapons
Artificial Intelligence
Cybernetic Organisms
A Closer Look at Nineteen Eighty-Four
Conclusion
Further Reading
About the Author
Copyright
Footnotes
B003Z0CUNC EBOK by Mark Dice
The
Illuminati
Facts & Fiction
Mark Dice
Table of Contents
Preface
About the Author
Introduction
Pre Illuminati Organizations
The Luciferian Doctrine
Inside the Mindset of the Illuminati
Why are the Jews Always Blamed?
Fixing the Fight
Mainstream Media
Economic Control
Nonfiction Books
Proofs of a Conspiracy
Memoirs Illustrating the History of Jacobinism
Proof of the Illuminati
Secret Societies and Subversive Movements
Occult Theocrasy
None Dare Call It Conspiracy
Bloodlines of the Illuminati
The Lexicon of Freemasonry
Morals and Dogma
The Secret Teachings of All Ages
Bohemian Grove: Cult of Conspiracy
Common Sense Renewed
Tragedy and Hope
The New World Order
America’s Secret Establishment
Fleshing Out Skull and Bones
Secrets of the Tomb
September 11th 2001 Terrorist Attacks
The Creature from Jekyll Island
The Satanic Bible
The Book of the Law
Magick: In Theory and Practice
The Secret Doctrine
The Externalization of the Hierarchy
Codex Magica
Jim Tucker’s Bilderberg Diary
The True Story of the Bilderberg Group
The Search for the Manchurian Candidate
The Reappearance of the Christ and the Masters of Wisdom
The Franklin Cover-Up
The most disgusting and disturbing book ever written is possibly The Franklin Cover-Up which was first published in 1992 and later released with revisions in 2005. The book was written by former Nebraska Senator John DeCamp, and uncovers a scandal so large and perverted, that most people simply do not want to hear about it, let alone believe it actually happened.
Furthermore, Bonacci says that a man named “Hunter Thompson” was the one who took video of this entire ordeal. Later, a man named Rusty Nelson, who was connected to the Franklin Cover-Up claimed that Hunter S. Thompson, the famous gonzo journalist offered him $100,000 to produce a snuff film when the two had met at a party.[102] (See Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas page 318) Rusty Nelson was the personal photographer for Lawrence E. King, the key perpetrator in the Franklin Cover-Up. Nelson admits that it was his job to secretly take photos of people who attended King’s parties when they were in “compromising positions with children.” Nelson denies taking any pornographic photos, but does admit that he would often witness and photograph grown men “making out with boys.” The men who attended these parties were often politicians who King would then blackmail with the photos.
On April 27, 1996 Colby died in what was called a canoeing accident. The incident happened at night which is strange, because Colby wouldn’t go canoeing after dark. He was alone when the incident happened, and had not told his wife that he was going canoeing. He was not wearing a life jacket, which his friends said he usually wore, and many believe he was murdered for aiding DeCamp or for knowing to much about such things.
David Rockefeller’s Memoirs
Foreign Affairs
Purported Illuminati Texts
The Necronomicon
Emerald Tablet
The Book of Thoth
The Book of Shadows
The Illuminati Manifesto
The Book of Dzyan
The Report From Iron Mountain
Protocols of the Elders of Zion
Excerpt from Protocol 1
Excerpt from Protocol 2
Excerpt from Protocol 3
Excerpt from Protocol 4
Excerpt from Protocol 5
Excerpt from Protocol 6
Excerpt from Protocol 7
Excerpt from Protocol 8
Excerpt from Protocol 10
Excerpt from Protocol 11
Excerpt from Protocol 12
Excerpt from Protocol 13
Excerpt from Protocol 14
The Holy Grail
Alleged Defectors and Victims
John Todd
Bill Schnoebelen
Mike Warnke
Cathy O’Brien
Johnny Gosch
MK-ULTRA Victims Testimony
Activists and Eyewitnesses
William Morgan
JFK Warns Against Secret Societies
Chris Jones
Ted Gunderson
One of the highest ranking government officials to publicly talk about the Illuminati and admit that organized child kidnapping rings were active in the United States is Ted Gunderson. Gunderson is a retired FBI agent who worked as the Senior Special Agent-in-Charge of the Los Angeles office who retired in March of 1979 and then became a private investigator.
Benjamin Fulford
Hal Turner
Anthony J. Hilder
In today’s modern world with the Internet, mp3s and YouTube, it can be somewhat simple to open the floodgates of information regarding the Illuminati and secret societies. Since 2006 and the creation of YouTube and Google Video, countless video clips and documentaries about such issues are literally a click away. But as we know, books on the Illuminati have been around since at least the late 1700s as in the case of John Robison’s Proofs of a Conspiracy and Abbe Barruel’s Memoirs Illustrating the History of Jacobinism. There seems to be a tremendous gap in history from the time these books were published, until other authors and researchers continued the work such as Nesta Webster and Edith Miller in the 1920s and 30s, and later Gary Allen with his 1972 book None Dare Call It Conspiracy.
Aliens and Reptilians
David Icke
William Cooper
Phil Schneider
Mentions in Mainstream Media
CNBC
Gerald Celente
Fox News Business
The Colbert Report
Fox News Channel
60 Minutes
NBC’s Meet the Press
Geronimo’s Skull Controversy
Inside Edition
CNN
CNN in London
PBS News Hour with Jim Laher
C-Span
Lou Dobbs Tonight
C-Span’s Washington Journal
Brian Lamb, the director of C-Span dedicated a segment of the show Washington Journal to the Bohemian Grove and slanted the coverage in an attempt to remove any suspicions surrounding the club. Professor Michael Barkun was the guest for the segment, who is the author of a book titled A Culture of Conspiracy.
National Geographic
ABC News Report on Bohemian Grove
On July 23, 1981 ABC News aired a segment about the Bohemian Grove which someone had obtained from their archives and posted on YouTube in 2006. This segment would mark possibly the only attention given to the Bohemian Grove by a mainstream news source. The fact that no other television news stations have since devoted any attention to the subject speaks volumes as to the control the organization has over the media.
Pitching the Bohemian Grove to Producers
The Mancow Show
Walter Cronkite
Henry Kissinger
President Bush at the United Nations
Maxim Magazine
Charlie Sheen’s 9/11 Comments
Jesse Ventura on Hannity & Colmes
The View
On March 6th, 2007 actress Christine Ebersole was a guest on the popular woman’s talk show The View when she brought up the topic of this author’s YouTube videos which consist of me visiting various college campuses in southern California and educating the students about 9/11. Rosie O’Donnell jumps in to explain, “He goes around the country with a bullhorn, like to UCLA or wherever he wants, and he says, “9/11 was an inside job! 9/11 was an inside job!” and within five or ten minutes, the police show up and his friends videotape him getting arrested, and boy does it annoy people, I can tell you that much.”
Operation Inform the Soldiers
On June 10th 2008, this author made an appearance on the Fox News Channel’s show America’s Newsroom, to discuss a campaign that I had started called Operation Inform the Soldiers, which involved mailing DVDs to troops stationed in Iraq to help educate them about the lies surrounding 9/11 and the war.
Kevin Barrett’s Comments
Coast to Coast AM
The largest syndicated radio show in America that deals with secret societies and conspiracies is Coast to Coast AM, which airs seven days a week from 10pm to 2am Pacific time. The show was created by UFO buff Art Bell, who has since retired. George Noory is currently the primary host.
Documentary Films
Dark Secrets: Inside Bohemian Grove
Secret Rulers of the World
British journalist Jon Ronson produced a series of four television programs titled The Secret Rulers of the World which included one episode about the Bohemian Grove, and another about the Bilderberg group where he investigated the claims of what he called “conspiracy theorists” surrounding such groups. Ronson takes a very skeptical approach to the subject matter, and seems as if his purpose is to prove the allegations wrong and “debunk” the claims surrounding these organizations.
Nazis: The Occult Conspiracy
In the show, it is also presented that the Nazis wanted to eliminate all Jews, and probably all non-whites, to create a New World Order comprised only of Aryans so that the purified race could then reawaken the mystical powers that they had lost since the destruction of the city of Atlantis. The Nazis believed that the white race is descended from a civilization that lived in the mythical lost city of Atlantis. They believed Atlantis was a real city, and not just a myth, and that its inhabitants were god-like supermen.
Terrorstorm
Loose Change: Final Cut
Fabled Enemies
The 9/11 Chronicles: Truth Rising
Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement
Zeitgeist the Movie
The Clinton Chronicles
Monopoly Men
The Money Masters
Money as Debt
Riddles in Stone
The History Channel: Secret Societies
Conspiracy of Silence
Decoding the Past: The Templar Code
Another well done History Channel production is the two hour Decoding the Past episode titled The Templar Code. The program covers some interesting history surrounding the formation of the Knights Templar, and their ultimate demise. The show begins with the narrator saying they were “a society so secret that its true purpose is debated even to this day.”
Mysteries of the Freemasons
Hacking Democracy
Other films
Snuff Films
Sex Magic
Fictional Books
The Illuminatus! Trilogy
The Illuminati by Larry Burkett
Angels & Demons
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Nineteen Eighty-Four
Games & Collector Cards
The Illuminati Card Game
New World Order Trading Cards
Conspiracy Cards
Fictional Films
V for Vendetta
The Matrix
Angels & Demons
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Teddy Bears’ Picnic
The Brandon Corey Story
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Network
Star Wars
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
They Live
Hackers
The plotline involves a rivalry between groups of hackers, but there is a scene that stuck out to those aware of the New World Order when Eugene “The Plague” Belford (played by Fisher Stevens) sent a laptop containing a video message to a fellow hacker “Zero Cool” (played by Jonny Lee Miller). The message was, “You wanted to know who I am Zero Cool. Well let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are samurai. The keyboard cowboys, and all those other people out there who have no idea what’s going on are the cattle. Moooo. I need your help. You need my help. let me help you earn your spurs. Think about it.”
The Skulls
The Good Shepherd
The Lord of the Rings
Eyes Wide Shut
The Brotherhood of the Bell
A Scanner Darkly
National Treasure
Shooter
Air America
Air America is actually the name of a cargo airline that was owned and operated by the CIA from 1950 to 1976 which supplied covert operations in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War. This airline was believed to be used to also transport heroine into the United States. This would ultimately be the inspiration for Christopher Robbins’ book and Air America the film.
Wag the Dog
Oliver Stone’s JFK
Bulworth
Conspiracy Theory
The Manchurian Candidate
Enemy of the State
Batman Returns
Dragnet
Television Show References
South Park
Rescue Me
The Lone Gunmen
24
Gargoyles
A cartoon airing on the Disney Channel from 1994 to 1997 called Gargoyles included several episodes which mentioned the Illuminati and one of the main characters was shown to be a member.
Wild Palms
The Simpsons
In a 1995 episode of the popular animated cartoon, The Simpsons, Homer joins an all-male fraternity in Springfield called the Stonecutters, an obvious reference to the Freemasons. The Freemason fraternity evolved out of ancient stone masons and trade guilds who kept knowledge secret about how to work with stone and build cathedrals and castles. The episode is titled “Homer the Great” and starts of with Homer noticing that two of his friends, Lenny and Carl, are enjoying special privileges around town and at work such as comfortable chairs and premium parking spots. After Homer becomes suspicious, he finds out that they are members of the Stonecutters secret society, and is allowed to become a member himself.
The Cartoon Network
Corporate Logos
Music References
Eminem
Dr. Dre
Neil Young
Don Henley
“It was an inside job by the well-connected” Henley sings. Other lyrics include that they know what you’ve had for breakfast and what you’ve hid beneath the mattress. “Chalk it up to business as usual,” Henley concludes.
Megadeth
Ministry
Jadakiss
Flowbots
Conspirituality
Paris
Immortal Technique
Sean “P. Diddy” Colmes
Prodigy
Jay-Z
Nas
Tupac Shakur
Black Eyed Peas
Fat Boy Slim
Skinny Puppy
Poker Face
Killarmy
Meat Beat Manifesto
The Jurassic 5
Gamma Ray
The KLF
Agent Steel
Killer Squirrel
Hed PE
Bobby Conn
Malice Mizer
Infected Mushrooms
The Matthew Good Band
The Alan Parsons Project
Solutions
Illuminati Controlled Organizations
The Bilderberg Group
Council on Foreign Relations
The Trilateral Commission
The Bohemian Grove
The Federal Reserve
Freemasonry
Skull and Bones
The Military
The Vatican
Knights of Malta
Radical Islam
Communism
World Council of Churches
Election Fraud
The British Monarch
Royal Order of the Garter
MI-5 and MI-6
Council of Chatham House
The Group
The Triads
The CIA
The NSA
The FBI
The DEA
Pharmaceuticals
Entertainment
The Mormon Church
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Rhodes Trust
The Cosmos Club
Club of Rome
DARPA
Supreme Council of Wise Men
The Council of 13
The Committee of 300
The Jasons
MJ-12
The Mothers of Darkness Castle
The Pilgrims Society
The Priory of Sion
Satanic Cults and Churches
United Nations
International Monetary Fund
The World Bank
Foundations
Bank for International Settlements
Central Banks
Global Environmental Facility
Monopoly Corporations
Regional Federations
The United Grand Lodge of England
Unity Church
Unitarian Universalist Association
Unification Church
Temple of Understanding
Bahai
Rosicrucians
The Aspen Institute
World Trade Organization
KGB
La Cosa Nostra
FEMA
Mossad
UNESCO
Planetary Congress
Environmental Groups
Lucis Trust
World Union
Esalen Institute
Commission on Global Governance
Interpol
Information Awareness Office
Tavistock Institute
Underground Bases and Tunnels
The Project for a New American Century
Others
Bibliography
Books
Other Documents
Footnotes

Citation preview

•nij Ute Mushroom

loy

Thek

: 'Gloriously silly, tofally’' in| wonderfully believable ^dll of *ondt

Qreat

ftin|'J^ua;;*^6

Kjartan poskitt Illustrated by Dovid Tdzzyman

EGMONT

Llihen Bianca UDOS little^ she planted her U)elly

^hoots' to see if they U)oal(i grou).

Martha’s first ever

football UDOs on orange, and her tedd^ vjdos the goalkeeper.

Agatha (that’s me). UUhen 1 vjdos a hohy, 1

could put my tig toe in my nose. And that’s true.

/

Ivy used to pall all her dolls apart, then put them hock together U)ith the hits mixed up. Eeek!

EIIjC thought she had a pet stick insect, hat it U)as only a stick.

OJJ Street

Pr,V«rj

No 3 tlortha

No 7 ^ No 9 No 3 Ellie AgcJtho- Ivy

b-

Ko "I E)ianca

CONTENTS Don’t Worry, This Book Won’t Turn you Into a Frog

1

Tiddly Tot Parties

7

The Big Announcement

21 28

The Mystery Van Pukey and the Magic Pencil

53

Secrets in the Store Room

64

The Interrupted Sausage

72

The Man With Moo Taps

82

A Clue Full of Salad Cream

101

Out of Bounds

109

How to Be Invisible The Curtain Sandwich A Bit of Who Does What?

114 121 132

Bwarb Barp Bwap

144

The Tremendously Exciting But Quite Long Chapter EUie the Witch! A Bit of REAL Magic!

173 206 214

Don’t Worry, This Book Won’t Turn you Into a Frog

lya!

I’m

Agatha

Parrot what

and

Jane guess

this book

is

all about? MAGIC !

Sounds of spooky music: Ooo-weeeooo-wooo! (You have to sing those spooky sounds

out loud. Oh, go on! You

know you want to.) I hope you’re going to read it all because

I’ve got a friend called

Ellie Slippin who at

the

won’t even look

cover. She’s

scared

she’ll accidentally read magic

words

and

out some

turn

into a frog or something

that

herself

ha

ha!

Oh

wow,

wouldn’t

r

it be

AWESOME if that

worked

for real? Imagine you were sitting in the classroom to somebody

next

reading

this book, and PA-DAFF suddenly maybe

turned

they

into a frog ! Or

an octopus or a sausage

even a little old granny? Wicked!

or

Sorry. This book

can’t do that

but at least I’m being honest about it. I hate books

where

people do

spells with magic words, because can never resist trying them warn

I

out. I

you, you can end up looking

pretty silly when

you’re standing

on a table waving

your ruler at the

teacher and waiting for her to turn into a tomato. BORING. I think if you

try out magic

words from a book and they don’t

work, you back

should get your money

. . . plus £1000000000

compensation silly. How

for making

you look

about that? Fd be mega rich

by now ha ha KER-CHING! The good news is that this book has a magic trick later on that you CAN do. It’s called the Pen of Destiny and there’s even a clue to show you how it works. What’s more, there’s also a bit of REAL

MAGIC

which isn’t a trick

at all. It’s really real!

Time for more spooky music: Oooweee-ooo-wooo! The story starts with something that happened

ages ago so first of all

we have to get in a time machine

and

go backwards. Zum Now up . . .

zum zum - PING! let’s see where we’ve ended

Tiddly Tot Parties

wA , we were SO cute!

We’ve gone back to when

all of us on Odd

Street were just

little tiddly tots and we’d just started school. There was me. Ivy, Bianca, Ellie and always

big jolly Martha

laughed

still does.

at everything

who and

Our houses are the ones by the school gates. Further up the street you get to the shops, and then it’s some

big posh houses. The

biggest

poshest house has a tree in front, and that’s where Gwendoline Nobody

Tutt lives.

knew Gwendoline

before

we went to school, so after about a week Gwendoline’s

mum

invited us

all up for a party. Before that I’d only been to two other parties and they had both been BRILLIANT.

Party number 1

Martha

had a pizza party where we

started off by . . . get ready for a big surprise . . . eating pizzas! Then

we

played games like ‘who can bite their pizza into the funniest shape?’ or ‘who can get the most pizza crusts sticking out of their mouth?’

Bianca was sick,

Ellie split her dress and Martha

blew

all her candles out with one big burp.

WAHEY!

We love Martha.

Party number 2

The other party was in Ivy’s house. We

were

all dressed

so Ivy (who decided

we

is mad

up

an

down

umbrella

do

us how and

some to hold

then

all the stairs in one

but her mum out

by the way)

should

flying. Ivy showed

as fairies,

and

completely

jump go*,

freaked

shut us in the lounge.

So then Ivy got all the cushions off the sofa and piled them middle. We

jumped

up in the

up and

down

on them to see if we could get high enough with Fun

to whack

our

the ceiling light

magic

ha

ha!^

doesn’t get better than

that.

YAHOO!

wands

We love Ivy too.

("^The old man this book for me

Hou NOT THINGS.

TO

who

is typing

says I have to tell

DO

THESE

Because if you hurt

yourself we will not be responsible. In fact we’ll LAUGH

ha

ha

it

serves you right.) But

party

Gwendoline’s

number

3

was

party.

To Start with we all turned up in our little party dresses and handed over our presents. Gwendoline ripped them her

hand

open out

after each

one.

Then

mum

her

and

and

just

then stuck said

How sent

‘next’

charming. us

into

13

0

€

their lounge which was HUGE.

It

had

of

a white carpet and

a row

kitchen chairs all lined up like in a classroom. ‘Sit

still and

anything,’

don’t

touch

she said. ‘Gwendoline

has a treat for you.’ The

treat was

a

clown

a yellow curly wig and nose called Leggo he made

with

a big red

Laughalot.

First

us do pass the parcel, but

every time the music stopped it was

ALWAYS

on Gwendoline, so she

always took the paper off and in the end she won and Leggo

the prize (sketchbook

crayons).

Gwendoline

both thought

it was

and really

funny but we didn’t. Next he did a magic said that anybody would

who

show. He

helped him

get a chocolate lolly, so we

all kept putting our hands

up to

volunteer.

picked

EVERY

Guess

TIME?

who

he

In the end he put some music on for a dancing

competition. Out

all of us, Bianca because

was

of

well the best

she’d had lessons since she

was a baby. If it wasn’t Bianca, it had to be Ivy because

she could put her

leg up behind her ear, or maybe because

she could do spins without

falling over. Even Martha some

jolly wobbles

music. The was

Ellie

could do

in time to the

only person not trying

Gwendoline

who

just moaned

that she wanted

to watch

guess who Leggo

made

telly. So

the winner?

I’ll give you a choice. Was it:

• The pink stuffed dog lying on the windowsill? • The armchair with a lever on the side to make go flat BUT

the back

we

weren’t

allowed to play with it? • Queen Victoria (1837-1901)? • Gwendoline? Ooooh

. . . who

could it be?

Here’s a clue. Pick the most unlikely one and that’s the answer. Yes that’s right, it was

Gwendoline

yourself a round

so give

of applause

clap

clap clap and a big BOOOO

to

Leggo Laughalot. Anyway, Gwendoline

that’s enough

about

and her rubbish clown, so

let’s get back into the time machine and forget about it. Zum

zum zum - PING!

Here we are again and it’s five

years after Gwendoline’s

party. The

big question is: have you forgotten about that clown?

No?

Even

after

five years? Of course you haven’t because

things like that stick in

your mind

for EVER.

The Big Announcement

d O t a g n i n r o m y a d n Mo Street

School

starts with everybody

always

in the hall

for assembly. Tiddlies at the front, biggies at the back, and

teachers

round the sides so that nobody

can

escape. Ivy says that one day she’s

going to smuggle

a spade in and

dig an escape tunnel when looking ha

nobody’s

ha! She’d just fall into

the store room

and land on Motley

the caretaker having a nice little morning

sleep on the gym

mats.

We all sing a song with Miss Bunn playing the plinky plonk piano, then Mrs

Twelvetrees

gives us a serious talk. It’s usually something

‘I don’t want

like:

to see

any

more

children throwing

their

old banana

skins at the hall ceiling.

Sometimes

it’s weeks

get unstuck. Then somebody’s

before they

they can fall on

head

and

it is NOX

funny.’ (Oh no? She’s dead wrong

there.

It’s wicked.) But Monday of a

this story is about when

Mrs

twitter. Her

T

was

necklaces

one all were

jangling and she’d slapped on about

three tonnes

of her reddest lipstick

specially. ‘I say chaps, IVe got splendid news ! We’ve

got a special guest coming

into school. He’s going to perform his new

show for us, and if it goes

well, he might go on to tour the world!’

Oooooooooh! Everybody

gasped and even the

teachers were excited. Little old Miss Bunn

said, ‘It could be the next Elvis

Presley!’ and went all giggly. If you

> &

\

haven’t heard of Elvis Presley, he was the biggest pop star ever because he used to sing ‘I’m all shook up uh-huhhuh!’ and then wiggle his bottom

a

lot. It must have looked a bit like Ivy pulling her tights up but I bet Elvis wasn’t as funny. ‘I can’t tell you who it is yet . . .’ said Mrs T. Angry WHY

mutterings from the crowd:

NOT?

TO KNOW!

BORING!

WE

WANT

. . but he might need a volunteer to help him.’

WAM Miss Bunn

BASH was

CLATTER!

obviously thinking

about helping Elvis Presley and had fainted into a pile of stacking chairs. Poor Miss Bunn! But then she sat up with a big dreamy

smile on her face,

so at least she wasn’t all shook up uhhuh-huh like Elvis. Ha

ha!

The Mystery Van

At playtime we were talking about

who

we’d

want

the

visitor to be if we could have anybody we wanted.

Here’s the list with my marks out of ten for brilliance:

Ellie: A fairy princess. Before you say that Elbe’s

a bit soft, have about

it. When

a think you’re

having a cheese sandwich for the millionth lunchtime in a row, wouldn’t it be FAB if there was a fairy princess handy and

to turn it into curry poppadoms?

You’ve

got to say YES. (7/10)

Ivy:

3alias Caesar and the ^Romans.

Ivy

wants

Queen

to

do

Boudicca

what

did and

ride round in a chariot with swords sticking out of the wheels Roman

and

chop

all the

soldiers’ legs off

ha ha wicked! Actually these days you’re probably not allowed to use swords. They’d

make

use plastic forks from school

kitchen. You’d

you the be

lucky if you even managed to make

a hole in their

tights. Did Roman wear

soldiers

tights? Hmmm

. . .

sorry Ivy. (3/10)

Bianca: Noah and his ork. We’d

get

animal

two

of every

including

pandas

and koala bears oh they’re

SO

cute! But we’d also

get buffaloes

and

slugs

and rats and warthogs

. . .

gosh the school would stink whiffy pong YUK.

(4/10)

tlortha: Uncle G-eoff. Super! Martha’s uncle Geoff

is famous

because

he used to be a real fatty, but he won year. There

slimmer was

of the

a photo

of him in the paper being so skinny that he could fit

himself into one leg of his old giant trousers ha

ha!

He wants to win again this year, but if he lost the same kilograms as last year, his weight would be MINUS

so

he’d float upwards. He could take us flying round in his giant trousers - how wicked would that be? (10/10)

I therefore declared Uncle Geoff the winner. DA-DAH! So

there

we

were

in

the

playground

having this very serious

discussion about soldiers’ tights and flying trousers when rudely came

we were most

interrupted. Miss

marching

Miss

over towards us.

Barking

headteacher.

Barking

is the

deputy

She’s got short black

hair and big square glasses like telly screens and she’s always bothering people with issues. Issues are things that you can worry

about if you’re

bored of being happy. Here

are a

k

few, so if you’d like something

/

to

worry about, help yourself: Have you recycled your yoghurt pot? Are your socks ecologically friendly? Has your pencil case got a health and safety warning

on it in case a

small child tries to climb inside and zip itself up? Miss B’s latest issue was animal welfare, and

she’d got Motley

to

put up a special bird feeder. It was dangling off the bike shed drainpipe.

1

and it had three tubes full of different bird food. She was holding a form to fill in, and had her pen out ready to tick some boxes. ‘How

many

birds have you seen

using the feeder?’ she asked us.

Eeek! it was a bit embarrassing. Nobody ‘Oh

wanted come

to tell her the truth. along,

you

must

have some idea,’ said Miss Barking looking at her form. ‘Would you say over one hundred^

‘Ummm

. . we all said.

‘All right then. How about over fifty}'' ‘Er . .

""Over twenty-five}' ‘Ah . . .’

""Over ten?' ‘Eeee . . .’ we all said shaking our heads. ‘Now

come

Barking sounding

along,’ said Miss desperate. ‘There

must have been a few birds on our feeder. The food level has gone down.’

We

hardly liked to tell her that

the boys had been getting the seeds and pellets out and pinging them at each other. Plus Martha try it and Bianca

ate a bit to

used some

of the

blue blobs to decorate her ruler. ‘Shall we say five birds?’ asked Miss Barking. ‘Or four? Or three . . .’ She was getting closer. ‘Two?’ Nearly there. ‘One?’

Oooh

- just one more

guess

should do it! Actually I was feeling a bit sorry for her, but then a dirty fat pigeon came flapping down and landed on the feeder. ‘Aha! Now

watch,’ said Miss

Barking getting all excited. ‘Which tube of food will it go for? There’s the high protein pellets, or the seeds for good digestion, or maybe the fat drops for energy. Animals are much cleverer than us, their natural instincts

tell them what is best for them.’ The fat pigeon took one sniff. It then fluttered over to the bin where somebody

had

chucked

an

old

fried chicken box and got stuck in!

Miss

Barking

Obviously

walked

her form

off crossly.

hadn’t got a

box to tick saying ‘cold chips with barbecue

sauce’.

Poor Miss Barking. She’s as nutty as her high protein bird pellets, but she means

well.

Just then a black van through

came

in

the school gates. It must

have been a new person to the school because they parked right outside the main

doors on the FORBIDDEN

PLACE.

Oh

dear!

The forbidden place is a big white square on the ground

with zigzags

going across it. Nobody’s to park

there

because

DANGEROUS.

allowed it’s very

If there was a

fire/flood/ earthquake /alien invasion/ escaped gorilla then anything parked there

would

block

our

escape

EEEK panic panic. But what makes is that

it even the

more

forbidden

dangerous place

is

/

guarded

by a fearsome

beast who

will leap out and breathe fire on you and devour your bones ha ha! Well actually she won’t do that, but I’m talking about Miss Wizzit the school receptionist and she can strike terror into anyone. she’s armed

It’s true,

with a stapler and she’s

ready to use it. NOBODY

messes

with Miss Wizzit. Me

and

Martha

and

Ivy and

Bianca and Ellie went to lean on the

wall and watch. A man sunglasses and

with black

black skinny jeans

got out of his black van. Oh boy, he was going to be for it. Tee hee, we couldn’t wait! He

looked round

school and was

at our lovely

pulled a face as if it

old and

smelly. (Which

it is

actually, but that wasn’t very good manners, down

was

it?) Next, he bent

to admire himself in the van’s

little sticky -out door

mirror.

Ivy

45

burst out giggling, so he

got

stomped

cross up

and

to the

main door and gave the button rude prod.

a

‘Wizzit?’ said the voice on the intercom. ‘I am Misto the Mysterious,’ he said. ‘No,’ said Miss Wizzit’s voice. ‘I want your REAL

name

or you’re not

said

Mr

coming in.’ ‘Oh

yeah?’

Skinny

Jeans. ‘Then you can tell your Mrs Twelvetrees that I’m going.’ He got back into his van and so we thought that was the end of that.

BORING.

But

suddenly

Mrs

Twelvetrees

came bursting out of the door with all her necklaces and bangles jangling. She hurried over to tap on his van window.

There

was

lots of hand-

waving and being sorry, and then the man

got out again. Mrs

T zoomed

in front to hold the school door open and

in he went.

would

Gosh,

think that he was

anybody somebody

posh off the telly or something. The

van

was

still in

the

FORBIDDEN and Martha The

windows

PLACE

so me

went for a closer look. at the back were all

blacked out so we couldn’t see inside, but there was

a mark

on the glass

where a sticker had been peeled off. You

could still make

out the shape

though, and I was sure I recognised it! ‘Hey Martha,’ I said. ‘Remember that party at Gwendoline’s Now

house?’

here’s the good thing about

© (D

She never remembers

bad

O'

Martha.


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