You Stink! : Major League Baseball's Terrible Teams and Pathetic Players [1 ed.] 9781612776699, 9781606351383
A satiric look at the jeer-ful side of our national pastime There are countless volumes celebrating the best teams in pr
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Citation preview
You Stink!
You
! k n i t S M AJOR
LEAGU E
BASEBA LL’S
Terrible Teams & Pathetic Players
Eric J. Wittenberg and Michael Aubrecht Foreword by Dave Raymond Black Squirrel Books Kent, Ohio
Black Squirrel Books !"#$" % & ' % (("(" ) *+,-./01$12#2341$3013 5 & ) 6 7 6 $2 $4 $( $3 $" 4 ( 3 " $
For all the kids who struck out in the “big game.” You’re not alone.
Contents
8 9: ;'' ? @5 5 => Terrible Teams A$ B 7 @$00.7 6=3 A" B@$0.0 7 =$" A3 7 @$0..6 ="" A( CD EF@$.#(G =3$ A4 6 6 @$.3": >=(" A2 D 6 H @ $.34=4" A/ 89 9@$.$2') =23 A0 @H("H2$'=/" A. @H4#1H4$1H4"1H431H4( =." A$# G: 5D@ $.2"BJ 5=$#3 A$$ JG @$.2. '=$$4 A$" ?B8@$./3 9'=$3# A$3 8 8@$.00 =$(# A$( )65 @$..$6?=$4" A$4 6@"##39=$2( Hall of Shame A$ G @8KL@$00(G M =$// A" G?@5 B@N$##1' 5"##0 5=$0$ A3 G6@:;)=3$/
viii
Foreword To view this image, please refer to the print edition of this book
Dave Raymond, the “Founding Phanatic” (Dave Raymond)
& You Stink! —Dave Raymond
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x U Foreword
?H 1 R @C:1 F O ? ? ? C5 5 ) ? T ? 1 D G YOU STINK! Major League Baseball’s Terrible Teams and Pathetic Players.F )?1? U&1 ?V 8 O ) ? 5 J D 1 : funkillers!6 ??You Stink! H? 1 O E ' ' CF ? '' W '1 1 ? 15 ? ) H ? ? 1 ? ) D 5 ?1 ?H ? ? ? ? ? 1 O'' 5 65 ? 9 W $.2#W' ;' C R F You Stink! 1 )H K O ' $.2$'(/Z$#/ R ? ? ? ' ? 1 9 C9H65: F) 65 ?$.2( ? ' ? $" ' $# >1 'H D B87 $.2#R ? H /2H B) $.2/ .Z/3$./3 xiii
xiv U Introduction
To view this image, please refer to the print edition of this book
Chicago White Sox Outfielder Al Smith in the 1959 World Series (Library of Congress)
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xvi U Introduction
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(# G R R Eric J. Wittenberg Columbus, Ohio
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while battling the team’s owners and each other. The season opened with Dude Esterbrook as team captain. Esterbrook insisted on people ?) D baseman Dan Shannon ten dollars for failing to obey his instructions on how to throw the ball. A few days later Wolf and Esterbrook en ) D 1X 5 > G was on his way to visit Mordecai Davidson, the team owner. Within a week Esterbrook was no longer captain, and the team selected Wolf as their new leader. Unfortunately, this would not be the last transfer of power, as the Colo O Jack Chapman, who had led the team previously, was the last to take the $Z2 G1 "/Z$$$Z"; $.2 T ) H 11 G P O11 )1 C9 ' FO 12
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#3 Squashed Like a Bug The 1899 Cleveland Spiders (20–134)
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#4 “Et Tu, Brute?” The 1904 Washington Senators (38–114)
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#5 The Curse Continues The 1932 Boston Red Sox (43–111)
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#6 Even the Babe Couldn’t Save This One The 1935 Boston Braves (38–115) J H H H —George Herman Ruth
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1935 Boston Braves (Baseball Hall of Fame Library, Cooperstown, NY)
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#7 From Dynasty to Despair The 1916 Philadelphia Athletics (36–117)
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1916 Philadelphia Athletics (Baseball Hall of Fame Library, Cooperstown, NY)
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ÌÊ ÃÃià The 1961 Philadelphia Phillies (47–107) ?$.2$ '"3 H ' > 6 B ' X8Y —McClatchy Tribune News
7 $.($ $.2$ R ) 7 > G 5 7 )) B7 BJ K > $.2$ B7 $.2$ :55 5BJ J : H$."/ 2# 542 5 2$ when an asterisk was placed by his name in the record books because he : H $4( B69 ) 7 32$ J $#. $## ?B7 K8: 6' ' 34$ 6 8 P (2$(" G 1 5 "4 "$ 3 #"D:) ) K8 % >7)9 "2. : 8 ' 5 P $/ 6 : J 86 '' B7 $.2$
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136 U You Stink!
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#13 Fundamentally Flawed The 1988 Baltimore Orioles (54–107)
58 @) start with the basics, and stick with them to keep their standard of performance high. —Cal Ripken Sr. in : G
The St. Louis Browns team was one of the original franchises of the American League. However, it was the second St. Louis team to have the name “Browns.” The original Browns eventually became known as the St. Louis 6 B7 ;$0.0 < 5 7 $.#" R) 7 as one of its charter franchises. 8$.#" $."" ) 7 $.((;G 6 ("< $" 4" 7 G 1 GG?? $.(4 'P ?$.4$ T K thought up wild promotions that people either loved or hated, including 31/1 241 DPR P »¼½, went to the plate as a pinch hitter and walked on four pitches. The president of the Ameri 7 PH > 7 R T launched an all-out campaign to try to drive the Cardinals out of town. ? family of Anheuser-Busch brewing fame, and the Cardinals now had the
140
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1988 Baltimore Orioles (Baseball Hall of Fame Library, Cooperstown, NY)
T 5 ) 7 T ? 5 $.4( The new owners changed the team name to the Orioles, and they did all they could to try to disassociate themselves from the losing tradition 7 G H $.22 7)9G $/1 ) 7 HD9 5 5$.2.G 6 : $./#G 8 "#1 $./$ D9 ' ' G ) 7 D$./3$./( '$./.G G $.03 "$ $ 0/3Z$ (/# (#3
142 U You Stink!
4## Y Y this period. $.00 G H DG $.0" X) $.03G $.04 G V $.04$.02 6: 34 H $.0/ 2/Z.4>) 7 D : @KR to manage two of his sons at the same time. Younger son Billy played sec 6X $.00 1 K86X D5 : 5 $.00 3 ### .4# ) 1 6 R debut that year. 8H > ("42 $.0/ 5O1 $$ $.0/ $.00 R H 9 5 $"Z# 5 4" 3.4 CJ HR F 5 K ? O"$ CG F : CG H R F5: > losing streak and was replaced by Orioles Hall of Famer Frank Robinson. '::> H O @
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) B CD R R F) (.Z0 ) $. .Z4 ing four errors, two passed balls, two missed signs, a base-running blunder, R V $.#(G $."#9 > @ #Z$2" K)¾ GKJ GD 6)77 KD5 KD ¾ G )"$ 3(1 1 $4 G 3Z$%6 )"(
144 U You Stink!
$.0 > ': 58 : P K $.)"2 “You can laugh about it now, but at the time, going through it, that was F 5 C) ? ®K H H G some players who could play and put up some good numbers at other places, but anything that could go wrong did. Add that to the fact that we H F GCF)"/ $.#2: >$.$2$.(3') ) 7 H C?H G F: CH H F) CG R H F CGH GR H F P5:K$.036 G > \ > ) 7 6 K > > was drenched in champagne and was later put on display in a glass case 6 ' )"# G >DD K G K ) K would work to break the streak, he was disappointed. H > ) 7 "$ ing legendary baseball columnist Tom Boswell to write, “This could be the ' ? G 9 is unthinkable. You need binoculars to see that truth in the Baltimore OriH "$ F )". "" 5 .Z# 6: X 5 K
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146 U You Stink!
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1988 Baltimore Orioles Statmaster: Fielding (cont.) '
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#14 A Complete Massacre The 1991 Cleveland Indians (57–105)
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#15 Scaredy Cats The 2003 Detroit Tigers (43–119)
K 9 —Fred Lieb in The Detroit Tigers\ 52^
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: ) 7 ' 5T' % P $.0( ) 7 O 9'G ) 7 6 $.0/ 8$..("##4 "##" There really was no good reason for the downfall of the venerable franchise, other than that it had a history of this sort of thing. The team moved 6 ' "### seemingly moving in the right direction. Instead, they spiraled out of con X PYY top that seemed uncommitted to spending the money necessary to build a competitive team. ?"##$ 5 ? 99 $../85 9 $.0( G"##" #Z2 9 P5:
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#4 Worst Pitching Staff Scoring 10 Runs a Game But Still Losing The 1930 Philadelphia Phillies
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#5 Worst Scandal Cheaters Never Win The 1919 “Black Sox” Scandal : R —Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis
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XX G N4 ### H K )H XH K > 8 H H )9 8Y Shoeless: The Life and Times of Joe Jackson: XX $.4$ X XX 61 X V 8 EXX H '
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#6 Worst Call *61 in ’61 Maris Gets the Asterisk ) ? : J B —Mickey Mantle (Thomas Jane) to Roger Maris \7&&^ " =`2
When modern baseball fans look back at all the classic record-breaking moments that they have witnessed in their lifetime, one number probably W 2" G E could never forget the excitement and pageantry of watching Mark McGwire $..0 1 8 ) H H 11 ) under scrutiny due to the steroids scandal that has stained the entire era, both McGwire and Sosa received credit for giving major league baseball a 1; < 9 /3 and brought a lot of overdue attention to the man whose record they were :5 ? peting to break the record, just as Maris and his teammate Mickey Mantle $.2$ OW to get in the way of their friendship or allowing their friendship to get in C5È5 F incredible example of the impact sports can have when two teammates who are as opposite as can be come together to create something special 207
208 U You Stink!
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Right-Fielder and “Bronx Bombardier” Roger Maris (Library of Congress)
Roger Maris was a great ballplayer who never got the respect he de & CF >O Y K more concerned with the success of his team than with his own individual H B H : 5H 2$ $.2$ ) $.0# )1 P C ? 9 ?2$ EB D> F? : H edly unsurpassable record, Maris faced the hostility of the baseball public 8 $.2#) 7 5T ' ;5T'> : $."/ $4(1 $4( $2" 5H $4( : H 688 5 $4( : H C) ? F5 C) ? ? F) 5 K C?H ?? Y ?H Y F 6 E ? J 5 K$.2#5T' 1$$":?3. 15 $0R ?$.2$ 5 $2$ )5 : H J 5 who batted third, and Mantle, who batted fourth, to give Mantle a better ? 5 6 @ 5 $.2$ ) 55Esure to beat Ruth became so intense for Maris that clumps of his hair fell C? F5 C)? "43#
210 U You Stink!
"0# ?R F 5 OR D5 5 $4(40 K K 4. 11 ) K G 1 C5 ?H ? F K : >H 8 V 3(# J H1 5 11 5T' $(" )> R ;57 G < ) 8 CH F V Rocky Mountain News in Denver 6 and write a weekly editorial column for the Colorado Springs Telegraph. ) 8 R $."" RONew York American. The following year, he moved on to the Evening Journal, BJ J : G : ) 8 B7 R K> B7 X) K K B 5 K8 K was also instrumental in saving several franchises from bankruptcy, includ 9 '' 6 : ' ' ? B7 $2 $.4$ Frick was responsible for many changes in the reconstruction, expan
212 U You Stink!
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07–02–1961
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07–04–1961
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32
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07–05–1961
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07–09–1961
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07–13–1961
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07–15–1961
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07–25–1961 8
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07–25–1961
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07–25–1961
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08–04–1961
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08–11–1961
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08–12–1961
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09–07–1961
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09–09–1961
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214 U You Stink!
61 Home Runs by Roger Maris (cont.) K:
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09–16–1961
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09–17–1961
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09–20–1961
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09–26–1961
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10–01–1961
Tracy Stallard
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#7 Worst Team Year-In and Year-Out Abandon Ship The Pittsburgh Pirates and 19-Plus Straight Losing Seasons (and Counting) B ? ? —Pirates manager John Russell \3 6_ _ $ 6 ; 0 &^
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hocking, shameful, surprising, and even silly are just some of the ? Baseball’s Biggest Bloopers, Dan Gutman wrote:
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Ball-Playing Bigot Cap Anson (Library of Congress)
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228 U You Stink!
) $43 & $./" 5 ". $.0$ > ' H ) > V B7 : ' H) H )$"@3#ÊËÌË on Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig (AP Photo/Paul Conners) X $" 55 H ) ) $# /#2;30 R 8 )"4 "3(1 1 S 5 3 ? 1R BJ R ) ' :6
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Umpire Making a Call Against the Yankees (Library of Congress)
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Disco Demolition Night Debacle 9 9B —The Bee Gees
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Chicago’s White Sox Park on Disco Demolition Night (AP Photo/Fred Jewell)
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Mickey Owen’s Day of Infamy (Library of Congress)
7 CJ H UJ H J F 9 5 > R $3 & 85 1 H X $4 "##4 New York Times, @ 4 $.($ J 9 (Z3 D 8P(G K J H K 6 6 K 7 PY H )
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Diehard Dodgers Fans (Library of Congress)
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#9 Worst Players
H
the worst player in all of professional baseball history? Is it a poorly scouted rookie who never pans out, or a grizzled veteran whose best days were far behind him? Could it be a poor trade acquisition, or maybe an injured player who never quite healed? In today’s modern game there are far too many factors O H of ball players who were supposed to make it big in the majors but never > Therefore, we have simply selected four especially bad players from days C failures” inevitably would have been all but forgotten if they were actually any good:
237
238 U You Stink!
Worst Batter Bill Bergen Birth Name: Nickname: @ ?@ 9 @ 9?@ 6 @ College: Batted: Threw: K@ G@ 8P@ 7P@ Draft:
William Aloysius Bergen Bill #2Z$3Z$0/0 B 5 $"Z$.Z$.(3 G 5 X6 G 5 None attended Right Right 2Z# $0( #4Z#2Z$.#$;)""< #.Z"#Z$.$$ Not applicable
William Aloysius Bergen was an athletic anomaly whose talents on the A capable defenseman behind the plate, Bergen unfortunately became the > ? H > C KF HO ) R C1F G;C F $4:? B 5 X $0/0 91 $$R 6 : 9 ? H claim to fame has been severely tarnished by his complete ineptitude on the O ?$.#2 ' '
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Bill Bergen (Baseball Hall of Fame Library, Cooperstown, NY)
C F C and then Bergen is late reporting for duty, all because he met some friends B when the Brooklyn man will get down to solid base playing and forget good F 3 #"0 $/# 1 " 4## K 1 ; 'ÊvÊ-
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G 0Z"$ K 9 O 9 XK R ? 6 5 CK : 8F H seem a strange choice of imagery for a baseball pitcher, but it somehow C X F Worst Catcher John Humphries B@ Nickname: @ Born In: 9 @ Died In: Cemetery: 6@ Batted: Threw: K@ G@ 8P@ 7P@ Draft:
XK K None $$Z$"Z$02$ North Gower, Ontario, Canada $$Z".Z$.33 Salinas, California Cremated 6& Left Left 2Z## $04 #/Z#/Z$003;)"$< #0Z#$Z$00( Not Applicable
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& ably, Humphries’ days in the Big Apple were numbered and he was dropped by the Gothams and picked up by the Washington Nationals of ) ) 7 new catcher, the Nats faired poorly, $"Z4$ collective team batting average of "## K O/( R /4
John Humphries (Baseball Hall of Fame 0/2 ) Library, Cooperstown, NY) jury, he was moved out from behind $."( $00( .#$#3 ;# . However, his deplorable play on the diamond did not keep him from being C:HFK8 ) K H play was, he is an important member in the lineage of ballplayers from the CPGB F ' 6 $0/. "##61 R D D P 7 G ? $00/ 6 HB6 7 (34 $( $#2:? 6 8 X 61 K8 "0( (. $.24$.03'' 6 6 >: : > 6 R X 5 : K X XK G two years of his tenure with them, the New York Gothams became known P $00#
To view this image, please refer to the print edition of this book
248 U You Stink!
V CFGB "##4) HCB'F H 33 R 5D>G 96 ? GH $./$ Worst Fielder Tony Suck (Yes. That’s his real name.) Birth Name: Nickname: @ Born In: 9 @ Died In: Cemetery: College: @ @ K@ G@ 8P@ 7P@ Draft:
Charles Anthony Suck Tony #2Z$$Z$040 Chicago, Illinois #$Z".Z$0.4 Chicago, Illinois Oak Woods Cemetery, Chicago, Illinois None Attended & & 4Z#. $2( #0Z#.Z$003;)"4< $#Z$4Z$00( Not Applicable
Few players in major league baseball have been named as appropriately as Tony Suck, and one can only wonder if his parents somehow knew that K X XOH The Man Who Lived Up to His Name, O ) XOH C? 40 ;$003$00(ÊvÊ-
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K pable of remembering the names of his teammates, and they razzed him 6 1 O Choo Choo was a hard-core pull C66 F C R K didn’t want to change the way he hit, because then he couldn’t hit his K ? Y ?H Clarence “Choo Choo” Coleman (Baseball Hall of Fame Library, Cooperstown, NY) F Coleman made his major league ' $.2$ K 3( (/ K 2 (/ ' $"0 5 > K 5H))) O K $.4 K 6 H ) ' C9 E5 666? K F H 6644 $.2"5 "4#$4" 1 'P > K $#2$.235 $/03"(/ K $4 $$ $.23 PP K>5$.22 R K $./(2" Choo Choo Coleman deserves immortality as the You Stink! Grand Champion, having played for two of the very worst teams in the history R KH 6 6
To view this image, please refer to the print edition of this book
6
G
201
5
5
5
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1962
1963
1966
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1962
1963
1963
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155
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51
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2
22
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Data courtesy of Baseball-Almanac.com.
154
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44
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462
AB
16
247
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C TOTALS
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106
55
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9
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0
3
6
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0
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0
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30
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0
9
17
4
RBI
37
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0
24
11
2
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5
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0
3
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85
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4
49
24
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767
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27
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487
210
43
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472
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418
187
38
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82
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82
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2
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54
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18
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15
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Worst Owners The Not-So-Mighty Quinns
The Quinn family spans four gen No other family has spent as many ) > M X) : C FM 6 $0/# M G Red Sox Owner Bob Quinn (Library of ing days ended, he became general Congress) manager of a series of teams, includ6 ) ) 7 ) 7 ?$."3 : > ) 7 ): >J $.33 became president and general manager of the crosstown Boston Braves at $.34 H K$.(4 M $.4( K XX M K5 $.(4$.40 G $.4/ ) $3 '' $.4. X $./" M ;P5`Ê UÊ ÓÈ£
players to their original teams. The Pittsburgh franchise deviated from the agreement and signed second baseman Louis Bierbauer, who originally '' ) of being “Pirates,” the team adopted the nickname and refused to return Bierbauer to its cross-state rivals. 1895 6 6 6 team was arrested for “inciting, aiding and abetting the forming of a noisy F:G G 6 C League” had protested the concept of baseball on Sunday and instigated )XK $# ### CF $3Z( 1898 )$2 $0.0 > $##; ( ###`Ê UÊ ÓÈx
1913 : >R X 3 $4OG HGX $Z# ?9 Sporting News$4; C6 F 9$3 R $.#(G Senators. 6?Y65 ".1 1: 6 6lowing day from a fractured skull. P($."#86 : : 5 ;6 G & playing baseball indoors during the winter months failed at the ticket gates miserably, and the league was disbanded within a month. 1940 5 / $.(# 9$0Z" 7 6 (. "#\$3 >1 / were home runs. The rally set a National League record for most extra ". 9H69 ;««ÌiÌÊÊÌ
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$.(. PH V R ? BJ P $.(" $4 $.(. ' Ding an emergency appendectomy and stomach surgery. His untimely death 'Y R ' '0Z" $0 5 R H N.#>$# 1950 X 0 $.4# : > 7 ".Z( several other major league records, including most extra bases on long hits ;3" ;4$< 7O 6 TR the only batter to go to the plate eight times in eight innings. ?O R 9 X 5 6 P B) 7 C9 9 F: O : O white teenagers immediately and then by adding at least two others later $.4# 1952 ) 7 $.4"6 G >6? CYF ) N4 $.4$ Y $.4"666 government control of major league baseball was unnecessary. The committee stated that the sport was obviously “competent and trustworthy” enough to solve its own problems. The committee also opposed all legisla> 8
278 U You Stink!
?$.4" & Y) ball by citing its own version of the game, called lapka, as being the original 9 pastime’s defense by accusing this claim by the Soviets to be the founders CK) F6G 5R $.4";
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1966 K H) > C) F? $.22 7 ) 9 2Z3 ? air and on real grass. 9BJ J 6 ;6 1969 5 $3 D 6 6 :?; $ 4## BJ J C?5 F $"Z"/Z# )R$./3"(R
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$.#$B) 7 O mitted for committee review. 1974 ?$./( C16BF6 ?>: G1 XO ) rushed to his aid, the umpires wisely called the game in favor of the visitors. 6 % B J J owner George Steinbrenner for two years after he was convicted in federal court of making illegal contributions to the reelection campaign of President Richard Nixon. $$ $./( 5(Z36 C1 F )/ "4 R ? BJ $#3 7 .. $/4S R (4 9 3@$3ÊËÌ. 1975 "" $./4 1 P ' >:X' ) 1 "$4Z$/( XBJ 5R 2Z"K ) J R K87CPF P $.3(5 % PH $.3. 68 H> C F ) K G $#4 33 3$ (0
284 U You Stink!
) & ) H"## C F /4 8K"$1 ) > BJ J B: 6) 2Z( 1976 $$ $./2 556 G >R C 1 F 6 ) 431 1#Z3/Z3 CK F8 5 1 R 1977 5R H 6? "2Z3$ ) 7 D 8 : X XO was named as his replacement. ) C: F :X J 9 4(Z$#/ X $ /#$ #4" ' X 1 BJ Jkees for little-used, left-hander Ron Guidry. Management canceled the deal S Y H "Z0 P $2Z/ " 0"D:) 1978 "3 $./0 11 6 G > )H 7
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Y 9 "/1 1 ($# head. Bostock intercepted his uncle, who was on his way to shoot his wife 3$$ 7 Sr. had been a star player in the Negro Leagues. The New York Times reported that the renovations to the “House That : F N.4 2 N(0 0 J 9 9 K S C F 9 7 6 ) B7 68 In a sign of things to come, major league umpires went on strike in ) $./0 ) S $3 R the disgruntled picketers back to work. 1981 5 ". $.0$ > ' H )
5 ". $.0$ 1 > V B7 :' H) H unfair labor complaint was heard by the National Labor Relations Board. )$"@3#ÊËÌ X $" 55 H ) ) $# /#2;30 R 6'& ) $# $## munity service, and to be subjected to random drug testing. The seven %KYBJ 5 9B J J X ) R ) XO 7 8 P 7 %6 : D 6 7)9 9' 6 : Bret Saberhagen sued Rawlings over a misrepresented endorsement 5 N4# ### %6 : per season as his compensation. ) ) hundreds of fans targeted the Texas Rangers and umpires after the visiting 5 $#Z" 6 6 "01 1 56 she posed nude for Playboy.9 minated for “behavior unbecoming an employee” of the franchise. 1987 9C9 FPBJ 5"01 ) 6 H04 6 J ) X 4 1988 Major league baseball’s rules and regulations committee dropped the game:?S 71 99 8 P his own arm while delivering a pitch in the sixth-inning against the Montreal D> K O 9
288 U You Stink!
R 3Z" > tried to return, but a recurrence of the cancer caused the arm to fracture 2(Z4/1 $..$ 1989 Sports Illustrated published details of Pete Rose’s rumored gambling activities, including allegations of hand signaling to several betting associates : ) 8?ed possessing several betting sheets with the Reds manager’s handwriting ?) HS forced Rose to sign an agreement banning him entirely from major league baseball for life. 1991 X 2 $..$ % 6 : > : $01R (4 : ) 7 "4C F 9 B7 7)95D> .Z3 V 1 R H&& 9 S >9 3$ 1993 : X X practices and threatened to start a selective boycott unless a plan to hire S R )4 $..3 ? 5 6 : N"4 ### HS complaints accused her of using of ethnic and racial slurs.
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5R7 ' ) R H 4#Z4# ? owners proposed the elimination of salary arbitration, in return for which R > ) N/ 0 H X 6 failed to approve antitrust legislation, leaving players with little choice but 1 6 $( $..( ) G $.#( later, the owners unilaterally implemented a salary cap when negotiations remained at a standstill. 1995 ) $# $..4 7 6 R X $" $./. "## C 9 F9 1 R 9 : 5 7 of the ninth inning. $..( $..4 H 98 034 R free agents in response to unilateral contract changes made by the owners. 8 6 '6 8 2 ) with no compromises, baseball’s executive council approved the use of re 8 )"4 "3(1 S 5 3 1996 5 " $..2 5 6 ? ( 0: % S ?2Z3
290 U You Stink!
H play resumed the following day. ' X5 :1D> : "$1 O problems that were aggravated by his obesity. : ) O XK )R X & 9 X D G 7 O of the incident, citing a no-strike clause in their contract. 1997 B7 T '% 8 9 6 : X Robinson. Sanders wore his pants at knee length and trimmed the sleeves OR 9 a Wheaties box. The following day, his teammates mimicked his altera S H team uniformity. 1999 K 6 B > 86 6 3Z"$$1O B6J $"Z2 )can soil between the two countries. 2000 $ "### 6? ) 7 H 1 G 55 )X HV X K
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) ) V O 85 $2 "### $27)9 3 G 8 $. 2# "( ) R N$ #4)% O 85$../ H stricter safety guidelines for pregame ballpark programs for children. 2001 ) ' 'B6' home for the Buccos, replacing Three Rivers Stadium, which had replaced 8 8 & 'K 8G 9 a dark shadow over the debut festivities. BJ J H > that played well only to come up short in the end. The little league team from the South Bronx stole the show at the Little League World Series in G ' S 9 ) $41 1 2002 8 5 6 "##" )1 P /Z/$$ 8 from both the sports media and fans, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced that “This will never happen again.” 2003 : >BJ J P3"##3) 7 6
292 U You Stink!
C F '5Y J H%P 5 :Y O :6 ) BJ H 9L 5Y /"1 1 ) ed play, both teams got back to business until a second brawl erupted in J XOB P 8 ' H 8(Z3J R 5Y :Y P L Boston Police pressed additional charges against Garcia and Nelson for their involvement in the bull pen altercation. The entire baseball world was shocked after one of its most beloved ath R 6 6 9: R4## $..0 5 5 P Y major league baseball. Stating that the corked bat had been strictly used for batting practice and had been mistakenly taken to the plate, Sosa received a seven-game suspension following an appeal. Sosa’s other bats, which had been R showed no signs of tampering. Still, many doubted the integrity of Sammy’s previous accomplishments and it took time for him to return to fan favor. 8 $2 "##3 H >87 8 > ) "31 1 O a “heart attack-like event” after taking a dietary supplement containing KN2## facturers, focusing national attention on the dangers of using potentially & 9 6 8 7 ¸ :8)1$ C F unsafe for human consumption. 2004 ) 3$ "##( 6? BJ J 1""Z# > J 5
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"##3 "" J $."0 ? "(Z2 ; $01 J H < $.## ' '$./4""Z# 6 6 G 8 ) HCB'F H 33 R 5D>G 96 ? $./$G > D> R to certain contingencies, including a vote by team owners in November GH6 6 ) : 2005 ? 9' 0"Z0# O 4## ' "##(;0/ 3Z"& 6 8 $# $./Z. 2(3;$2#< ) "# ### ) 2 "#$# $0/2 5 $.43 )$.22 $$ 3Z" 8 P 8 . .$2Z. .3#;$4(< >: K & 6 ) 4 "#$# 6 P K8B: The ownership change was approved by the Major League Baseball own) $" "#$# ? R "#$$G 2011 ?X "#$$ 7)9 9 O11 H 8 5 6 6 R 1T ? 8 5 6 C; ) > 57 ) "2 .°B7 $#° 6 D> )H O point by simulating the remainder of the season a million times and gave
296 U You Stink!
.0 .. ( : >1) 7 "( D> O .. /0 ) )7D.#Z/" ) 0.Z/3 B7D B made it to the post-season. The biggest disappointment to their fans, without a doubt, were the "#$$' ' 1 $0 ) 1 14/Z$#4 '4$Z((1 B76 X "# & was all downhill from there, as they resumed their perennial ineptitude, /"Z.# $.
Notable Quotables
To view this image, please refer to the print edition of this book
Yankees manager Billy Martin has a few words with home plate umpire Nick Bremigan (AP Photo/Mark Duncan)
Lines About Losing . . .
No American sport has been responsible for more memorable quotes than baseball. From amusingly brilliant sayings from players like Yogi Berra, to raunchy belittlements from stingy skippers like Miller Huggins, and from Bull Durham, Field of Dreams and A League of Their Own,1$# "=$1 baseball has a language and a lore that is all its own. Here are just a few of the game’s best sayings: “If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.” —George Brett C? "Z# the batter a rally.” —Rich Donnelly “Baseball is like a poker game, nobody wants to quit when he’s losing: nobody wants you to quit when you’re ahead.” —Jackie Robinson “We made too many wrong mistakes.” —Yogi Berra “We didn’t lose. We just didn’t play good enough to win.” —Nomar Garciaparra
299
300 U You Stink!
“The best possible thing in baseball is winning the World Series. The second best thing is losing the World Series.” —Tommy Lasorda “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you an idiot.” —Charlie Gehringer “There is no crying in baseball.” —Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own C7 ? O a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you’re in a slump. If you lose at the end, you’re choking.” —Gene Mauch “I lost it in the sun!” —Billy Loes, after fumbling a grounder CGW F —Vincent M. Fortanasce “The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets double header.” —Casey Stengel “I learned a lot, but I don’t want to learn it again.” 7 /} 1 C GH W Death Valley.” —Kirby Puckett “How can a guy win a game if you don’t give him any runs?” 8~ 01 9_ CJ H H H F —Todd Helton “It’s hard to win a pennant, but it’s harder losing one.” —Chuck Tanner
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“You can’t tell how much spirit a team has until it starts losing.” —Rocky Colavito “The Mets have found ways of losing that I never knew existed.” —Casey Stengel “Your chances of winning, I’ve got to believe are really, really small $0 F —Clint Hurdle “They (the Rockies) don’t look like a major-league baseball team, but more like a Wednesday night Industrial Softball League team with every player supplying his own uniform.” —Woody Paige “I’m tired of it. I don’t want to hear about it anymore.” —Bill Buckner “A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.” —Earl Wilson CG H H it’s one big glove.” —Vance Law “Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. They’re more democratic.” —Kevin Costner in Bull Durham “Poets are like baseball pitchers. Both have their moments. The intervals are the tough things.” —Robert Frost “It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone.” —A. Bartlett Giamatti, “The Green Fields of the Mind,” Yale Alumni Magazine,X# QQ
302 U You Stink!
“The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain’s free throws.” 8 0+ 1 Q5 “If a horse can’t eat it, I don’t want to play on it.” 0 = 1 Q_ “Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get O F —Bill Veeck “No matter how good you are, you’re going to lose one-third of your games. No matter how bad you are you’re going to win one-third of ?H O F —Tommy Lasorda C9 $0 ? $# ### ? $ /## $ 0## J 4## ? seven years without ever hitting the ball.” / 0/1 Q_ “A critic once characterized baseball as six minutes of action crammed into two-and-one-half hours.” —Ray Fitzgerald, in Boston Globe1 Q_ “Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.” —Author Unknown “There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work.” " Z 1 6 “To a pitcher, a base hit is the perfect example of negative feedback.” %#[#1 2
Ì>LiÊ+ÕÌ>LiÃÊ UÊ ÎäÎ
“Hating the New York Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.” / 0801 “Baseball is too much of a sport to be called a business, and too much of a business to be called a sport.” —Philip Wrigley “Baseball isn’t a business, it’s more like a disease.” —Walter F. O’Malley
Acknowledgments
ÐÑ*Ò: As always, I could not do what I do without the support of my wife O ' ? ? G ? 1 5 ) 8 ? 1 Ì*ÒÓÊÐÔ@? 9 5 % X 7) 1 ? 8 ?> 1 D G > G 9: > G G& X K 6K 5
305
306 U You Stink!
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$ HH S H D ' " $./" : BJ J 9K;9K ? > 5 > 5H " 5 '> $.2( 2°1$" $# 5 #4. Worst Pitching Staff
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: Disappointment on the Diamond: A Timeline of Terribleness
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Bibliography
Internet Web Sites
Baseball Hall of Fame: O Baseball Library: Baseball-Almanac: 1 Baseball-Reference: 1 FORBES: * ' _ /4Z ' ; < The Pinstripe Press: ):; ) : * $* ?6 $.00 P ' 8$%{X ']{& $[ 8$%{ $.." ———. 8$%{X ']{& $[ 8$%{ "##4 P 7 7 '
{$ $ ?D "#$# P 9 * & ' ? ?3' J : $..4 K 9 X 9 : 9 B The Baseball Chronicle;? < ' ? "##3 K % 2 %7 '/4Z * «
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320 U Index
6 5 $03 6 X $43 6 )> "2( 6 9 $/0 6 9 $/0 6 K "33 6 B 0" "#. 6 X 32 6 .. 6 7 $00 6 8 ".# 666 "// 6 0" 6 P "3( 6 D $#4 6 K "2( 6 6O .( 6 8 "2" "23 6 K "/2 6 X 4 6 : "24 "2/ 6 KC' K F"22 67 "/# 6 X 3( "2" 6 .( 6 C >F@$.$. $..Z"#2 "2/ "20 "/$\$.$. "## 6 "(. 6 6 "2$ 6 6 @ 4( "2" "23 "20\ $.(0 "/2\$.02 "0/ 6 P "// 6 G "24 6 G >@$.03 $((\ C >F ;$.$. $4( 6 6 C66 F$#4 $#2 $#0 "4"Z4(\ "43\ "43 6 K $.2 6V K "( 6 D 23 24 6 C8 ' F$.2 6 X8 C F(( 3#0 6 5 "0/ C6 FSee: 6 G $"3 6 ' ;9 G9 /2 6 K "0# 6 : $#4 $#2 $#. 3#. 6 X $"$ 6 DY "/4 6 $##\ .3 6 8 $$0 6 8 $.3/V "/" 6 7 "( 6 $.4. "/. 6 B "3 C6 F(" (2 "2/ C6 : 6 F$4" $42 6 6O "2( 6 $/0 9 "3$ 9 G $$2 9Y X $3( 9 K "24 9 $$. $""\ $$/ 9 D 3" 9 9 0(\$..$ $44 $42 9 "/# "0"Z03 3#. 9 "03 9@$.#3 "2"\$."# $(3\$."# "2/\"##3 $2.Z/$\"##3 $2/ $/"Z/3\"##3 "4 $22Z2/\"##3 $20 $/(\"##3 "4 $2(Z/(\ $2(Z24\ "/#\G $2( 9G $2(
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326 U Index
5 7 "/( 5 6 .. 5 .2 .0 5 P "0" 5 5 $$2Z$/ $$0 $$. $"" $"3 5 $#4 $#. 5 5 ""0 "04 5 : P $#4 5 0" 5 ) P "23Z2( 5 @$./# $"(\ $"( $(# "2$ 5 P $/. 5 9 $$. $"$ $"3 5 5 "/. "0( C5 F4" 2( 5 X "/# 5Y X /3 5 : "0. 5 6 $2/ 5D>@ $$.\ G 9 6 ".3 5 : 4/ 5 G (4Z(2 5 5 ".# 5 6 "20 5 B "/( 5 5 $(2 5 CD F(( 5 X 3#. 5 P "4 5 "0" 5 D 24 5 X "/( 5 D $(" $(( $(4 $(2 5 9 /2 $#" 5 $($ 5 D 22 B))6' "/. B X 22Z2/ B 6 $44 B C F/2 B 5 "$$ B7 @$.$4 87 "24\$.$/ "22\
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