Toddlers are a**holes: it's not your fault 9780761185758, 0761185755

Table of contents :
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Contents
Dear Reader
1. What Is a Toddler? And Other Frequently Asked Questions
What Is a Toddler?
What Do Toddlers Want?
Why Is Having a Toddler So Hard?
Does My Toddler Hate Me?
Why Don't Toddlers Listen?
How Do I Deal with My Toddler's Behavior?
RECIPES for Parents on the Edge
Are Toddlers Crazy?
How Do I Become a BetterParent?
How Do I Know If I Havea Toddler?
2. The Theory of Toddler Evolution
The Terrible Twos
The Thankless Threes
The Fucking Fours
Toddler Preparedness Kit
3. Grooming Your Goblin
The Rat's Nest
The Fangs. The EpidermisBathtime aka Waterworld
Eau de Toddler
Toddler Clothes: A Retail Guide
4. Mealtime aka Hell
Dinner with a Toddler: What to Expect
RECIPES for Picky Eaters
Snacktime
Dirty Ways to Trick Your Toddler into Eating
A Note About Restaurants
New Names for Crappy Foods
5. Your Unraveling Life
The Cost of Raising a Toddler
The Destruction of Your Home
The Physical Toll
6. How to Keep Your Toddler Off Your Back
Take Them to the Park
Distract Them with TV
Buy Shit
Hire a Digital Babysitter
Get Your Pinterest On
Hunt Down a Playgroup
Find a Friend
7. Asshole Parents. 8. Getting Your Toddler to Listen (LOL)Common Empty Threats
Tantrums: When Toddlers Go Apeshit
10 Thing You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say
9. How Not to Die Inside
Assemble the Night Stash
Turn to Liquor
DRINKS RECIPESfor Parents of Toddlers
Become a Facebook Stalker
Stop Cooking
Send Them to Their Grandparents
Stay Positive
10. The Guilt-Free Guide to Day Care and Preschools
Preschool Primer
How to Pay for Preschool
11. Sleep Drama
Parental Fatigue: How to Deal
The Witching Hour Explained
Surviving Bedtime
12. Potty Training: When the Shit Hits the Fan. Potty-Training Drinking Games13. Holiday Guide
14. Your Nonexistent Sex Life
15. Rites of Passage
16. In Closing.

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