The Power of Being a Woman: Mastering the Art of Femininity [Paperback ed.] 0736912495, 9780736912495

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author of THE DIVA PRINC

The Power

1

Mastering the

Art of

Femininity

3 michelle mckinney

hammond

W K*K, r

CL

'(TPUUl

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS EUGENE.

OREGON

£>

Verses marked Niv are taken from the

© 1973,

HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION*. NIV*. Copyright

1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society.

Used by permission of Zondervan. All

rights reserved.

Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Verses marked NKJV are taken from the

New

King James Version. Copyright

©

1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Used by permission. Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,

New

Living Translation, copyright

©

1996.

Used by

per-

mission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved. Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright © The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Verses marked NEB are taken from

The New

English Bible, copyright

1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by

© Oxford University Press and Cambridge

University Press 1961, 1970. All rights reserved. Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright Publishers, Inc.,

Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All

nasb

Verses marked

are taken

1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by

Cover

try

Koechel Peterson

Cover photo: Tom Henry

/

from the

©

New American Standard

The Lockman Foundation. Used by

& Associates, Minneapolis, Koechel Peterson

1971.

Used by permission of Tyndale House

rights reserved

Bible*,

© 1960,

Minnesota.

& Associates,

Inc.

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, 200, Colorado Springs,

1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972,

permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Inc.,

7680 Goddard

Street, Suite

CO 80920.

THE POWER OF BEING A WOMAN Formerly The Power of Femininity

Copyright

©

1999/2004 by Michelle McKinney

Hammond

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McKinney Hammond, Michelle, 1957— The power of being a woman / Michelle McKinney Hammond. p.

cm.

ISBN 0-7369-1249-5 1.

3.

Women

in

(pbk.)

—Religious the Bible — Biography.

Christian

women

BV4527.M419

life. I.

2.

African American

—

women

Religious

2004

248.8'43— DC22 All rights reserved. in

life.

Title.

2004002117

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a

any form or by any means

—

retrieval system, or transmitted

electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or

any other

—except

brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

04

05

06

07

08

09

10

11

/

DP- MS

/

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

for

.

^SkadiUHV

who

taught

Not

me

to

To my mother, Norma McKinney, rejoice in being a woman by

only did you

fill

life

with

you gave me

femininity, but

of sharing

my

my

with

life

The women

in

all the

example.

wonders of

the precious gift

many mothers

my family are women in their

each extraordinary

own

right.

They have

reflected the beauty, the grace,

and the triumph of the feminine a

little girl I

who watched them pray that

I

spirit to

all

in wonder.

have become

a composite of the best parts of

them

Alexandra Petrona Branker Sarah Ayodele Charity

Sam

Hammond

Eglantine

White

Ernesta Forde

Marion Arkaah

Anna I

me,

Efuatt

Hammond

love you

all.

all.

—

Acknowledgments To the Harvest House

Bob Hawkins, words can Barb

say.

Jr.

family:

Thank you

and Steve Miller

—

I

with me.

for laboring

appreciate you

more than

Carolyn McCready, Betty Fletcher, LaRae Weikert,

Sherrill,

Shana Smith,

Jennifer Ekwere

Julie

—you

McKinney, Teresa Evenson,

are living

examples

of exactly what I'm talking about.

You have made me

Thank you

for

celebrate sisterhood

making my work

Nicole, thank you for being

You

are such a great sister,

Sheila, keep

Bunny and

Terri,

me

I

all

the more!

so enjoyable.

my

right arm.

love you so

much!

straight, girl.

keep nudging, pushing, and praying

for

me.

Peggy, keep cheering.

Valencia, keep reminding me.

Sarah, keep helping me.

Cindy, keep listening. Charlotte, Jan, Karen, Michelle,

Brenda, Theresa, and Dee Dee

—you know what

to do.

What women! Daryll Merchant, Jeff Morrow, Bill Trammell, Joel Brooks, and

Bryant

What can

I

say?

Dwayne

my precious buds and protectors

Thanks

for affirming that being a for- real is

a

good thing!

woman

A Note from the Author 1

Woman

.

to

Woman

9 2.

Back

to Basics

17 3.

Taking the Lead

51 'Bout Birthin Babies

4.

83 5. It's

a

Sister

Thing

113 6.

How

to

Build Your

House

145 7.

The Strength of Vulnerability 175 8.

The Power of Influence

209 Going over His Head

9.

239 10.

An Ounce

of Praise

267 1 1

.

The Reward of Virtue 303

lA

(70rt&

J

s

he opened the windows allowing the

Son

filling his

this

man

to

fill

room

world with light

which she

to

the

said "I do"

with promises of to have and to hold for richer

or poorer in sickness

and till

in health

death do us part

amen took in his surroundings as she

the reflection of love in his eyes parted curtains of contentment

allowing a breeze of inspiration to cool his brow...

an yes, that's

an

oasis

what

this

home was

oasis

a place of refreshment

and healing from as she greeted

all

the outside world inflicted

him

with tender embraces

and adoration serving

him encouragement

and solace piping hot and delicious

followed with a thick coating of

soothing

146

.

..

"you-can-make-it because-I'm-here-for-you" sauce

her hand traced creative patterns on his shoulders chasing away worry and tension

while the scent of her

him

caused

to

have pleasant amnesia

about the cares of the day

home was not where it

only

his heart

was where

his treasure

growing more precious years

was

abode

as the

went by sparkling in her eyes

as

she viewed her handiwork

and the delight he took this

it.

.

alone.

.

miniature world that belonged to

yes,

in

he was home.

them

.

147

man

ebekah saw the lone

standing in the distance,

studying her intently. Clearly he was not from these parts.

had the look of a well-worn sensed his weariness.

How

traveler

and her heart softened

could she refuse

when he

He

as she

asked for a

drink? There was a kindness in his face that appealed to her sense of giving. Surely his camels needed watering as well. least

It

was the

she could do. She would want someone to do the same for

her brothers

if

they had traveled so

far.

This she did with no

thought of reward, only of the satisfaction she experienced from performing an act of kindness. So pleasant was her surprise

when

she was presented with the substantial

And,

upon

pleasure

pleasure, this

a faraway land!

marveled on suddenly

many

As

how

filled

man was

gift

of gold jewelry.

the servant o{ relatives in

she ran to call her father and brothers, she

this

had

all

come

about.

An ordinary day was How

with excitement in a matter of moments.

times had she gone to draw water at the well, day after day,

and returned home with no But today was ferent.

The

like

special occurrences along the

no other

servant was asking

riage to his master! Truly, this

believe

it,

if

day.

No,

this

way?

was entirely

dif-

she would give her hand in mar-

was the Lord's doing. She couldn't

yet she heard herself agreeing to go with

148

him

to live

How

to Build

the rest of her days with a

man

Your House

149

she had never seen. Yet she

felt

such peace. Throughout the journey she rehearsed a hundred times her greeting to this mystery man. She plied the servant

What was her husband

with questions.

like?

Was he kind? Obvi-

ously he was successful, but was he handsome, too? However,

men never seemed

to be able to gauge

if

other

men

were attrac-

Would he be Would he be the man she'd always dreamed of marrying? So many pieces of a puzzle! She could not yet see how they fit together in any kind of significant order. Though the journey seemed to take forever, still it ended too soon when she finally stood before him, searching for the words she would have to see for herself.

tive, so that

romantic and expressive?

she had rehearsed over and over in her mind.

This was kind and

it.

real.

This was no fantasy.

Their marriage was

He was real. Handsome and

real

and immediate. As he took

her into his mother's tent, she breathed a prayer that she, too,

would be

all

he loved

her,

that he

had dreamed

and was comforted

of.

So she became

his wife,

and

after his mother's death.

What Wives Are Made Of "What do I have to offer?" my girlfriend was asking me. "I'm still at home with my parents with nothing to show for myself.

What do I have

to offer a

man?" As

I

come from

background of African and West Indian descent, sensical question to

me.

What

a cross-cultural this

was a non-

did she mean, what did she have

woman with extraordinary gifts that, no doubt, would make some man deliriously happy when he found her. I thought of myself and how many times my home had been a source of intimidation to men who had started pursuing me. Mind you, I am not saying that we should put our to offer to a

lives

man? She was

on hold

until Mr.

a wonderful

Wonderful shows up so that he can

feel

The Power of Being a

150

that he

is

truly rescuing us

Woman

from an unfortunate

of forty, this would not be a good testimony.

fate.

At

the age

bring this up only

I

to point out that many men feel they have nothing to offer most women because the women have gotten it all for themselves. And we confirm this by wearing a self- sufficient attitude, leaving no room for the man to feel as if he can add anything else to our world. We must be careful of this. But the greater point I am trying to make is that everything a woman has to offer to a man is

actually within her.

pings.

It is

Many women have

not in the accumulation of outer trapall

the externals together but

still

don't

man or know how to please him. inform my friend that this whole phe-

have a clue about the needs of a took

I

it

upon myself to

nomenon of people

living independently before marriage

an American concept. In other countries Third World until they

—men and women

and the dimensions o{ the family

couple might remain in the family is

not really a foreign concept;

women

The man worked

bride,

and then she went to

released to that security.

this

is

sound. Their

man

Now,

Actually,

where

it is

the

until

it is

after

they are married.

a biblical one.

Men and

after

isn't

for his

with her husband. She was only

he had made provision

for

her care

that a fine concept?

a rather smart one. Economically, countries

homes

more people who

are usually paid for

no one has

upkeep o{ everything

main

he had a home prepared

live

practiced have

family for years so to the

home

estate, the

remained with their parents until they were prepared to

leave.

and

their parents

have married. Sometimes, depending on the financial

status of a family

This

really

—European, Asian, and

home with

live at

is

to scrape

else

up

are financially

and have been in the rent.

They

contribute

amongst themselves and bank

part of their earnings or invest

it

in

Emotionally, daughters are more secure because

more

property.

men

with bad

How

Build Your

to

House

151

intentions are less likely to brave the protective observance of a

community

father. Also, familial

growing

selfish.

The adjustment

from

living keeps everyone

to marriage

is

helped because

people have never lived in an isolated environment and grown attached to having their

"own space" and

way of doing

individual

things.

This goes

who

said, "I

all

am

the

way back

to Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom,

going there to prepare a place for you.

go and prepare a place for you,

me

be with

feast for us.

come back and

will

may be where I am" (John

that you also

And that's not all!

I

His Father

Now, what

is

is

And

if I

take you to 14:2,3 Niv).

preparing the ultimate wedding

expected of the bride?

The

bride

is

expected to show up wearing pure garments, ready to worship. That's

it.

We'll cover worship in a later chapter, but for

you've got to take note that expects

is

a

woman who

all

the bridegroom really wants or

him and him alone

has kept herself for

and the understanding of what

now

it

takes to

make him

feel

good.

That's what worship and praise does for anyone. Worship and

beyond

praise extends

care of someone,

just vocal utterance;

what you do

to

make

it

extends to your

his world a pleasurable

place to be. I

must

letters

on

interject

something here because

this subject,

and

demnation on the purity dare

I

say most,

others, in trol

I

I

receive many,

many

don't want anyone falling into con-

issue.

Everyone in the body of Christ,

have not been saved

all

of their lives.

And many

and out of the church, are struggling to maintain con-

over their

flesh.

Some have been

married before, widowed,

or divorced. Therefore, the percentage of actual "virgins" per capita

is

are not

a minority. For those of you

who are tempted

worthy wife material because of your

record straight once and for

all.

This

is

to feel

you

past, let us set the

why Jesus

died.

He

died

.

The Power of Being a

152

When He

for all sin.

said

all sin,

some of you think that your me, they

deep that

He meant all

God

can't get

"'Come now,

Though

it

let us

sin.

"You

will again

hurl

all

like

I

There

no

is

sin stain so

they shall be as

scarlet,

as

crimson, they

wool'" (Isaiah 1:18 Niv).

have compassion on

you

us;

will.

.

our iniquities into the depths of the sea"

(Micah 7:19 "For

know

reason together,' says the LORD.

white as snow; though they are red

be

I

out.

your sins are like

shall

Now,

sin.

particular sins are special, but trust

under the category oiall

fall

Woman

Niv).

will forgive

their wickedness

and

will

remember their sins no more" (Jeremiah 3 1 :34 Niv). "Forget the former things; do not dwell See,

I

am doing a new thing! Now

you not perceive

"Not that

I

it?"

it

made

past.

springs up;

do

(Isaiah 43:18,19 Niv).

have already obtained

already been

on the

perfect, but

I

all this,

or have

on

to take

press

hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold oi me. Brothers,

hold of

do not consider myself yet

I

it.

But one thing

I

behind and straining toward

on toward the has called

goal to

what

win the

me heavenward

to

have taken

do: Forgetting what is

ahead,

prize for

I

is

press

which God

in Christ Jesus" (Philip-

pians 3:12-14 NIV, emphasis added).

I

hope

this has

been enough

to

convince you that

around nursing and rehearsing your past

That

is

false

is

condemnation, and Satan loves to use

you from moving forward. Everyone has a

sitting

not the way to go.

past,

it

to paralyze

God

bless the

How

Build Your

to

House

153

who don't, and that's why we all need Jesus. Men included. They come bringing their own baggage. If you have confessed few

your sins to God, you don't need to continually discuss them with anyone

else.

Unless something in your past

health or would become an issue in your

new

now affects your

marriage,

I

suggest

you leave your experiences under the blood and keep them

between yourself and

Jesus.

There

is

a difference

tantly confessing

and having a testimony. To give

about every

thing you've ever done

little

up things in your

(^

/

as

bla-

details

self-defeating. It stirs

spirit that are better left

dormant. Satan uses

(jDthing affects a

man as

deeply

an encounter with a woman who

womanly

new

life

if

our step-

were some Olympian triumph on our

am now?

"See

how good

bad

was before! Look

I

qualities.

becomes an area of pride. As

this area very subtly. It

I

illicit

is

has

ping into a

between

at

part:

Well, you would never believe

how

triumphant me!" Don't rejoice in

that,

rather rejoice in the fact that you've been

redeemed by a loving

a precious jewel, worthy to die for. And He thought you were worthy to die for, then believe me, any man in his right mind will think you worthy to marry, regardless of your past mistakes. Why? Because they are looking at the new

Savior

who thought you

if

you, the redeemed you.

The you

that has been washed clean in

The Power of Being a

154

Woman

the blood of the Lamb. Because of Jesus, as you allow

Him

to

keep your body, you can consider yourself a virgin again. All a

man is

good

in purity

looking for

is

a

woman of godly principle who walks And that's who you are

and knows how to worship.

now!

One of my friends was addressing a group of women at a conference and said, "A man wants three things to be well-fed, well-loved in the sexual sense, and well-appreciated." One woman rose up and irately asked, "And what do I get out of it?" Quite surprised the woman even had to ask, my friend replied,

—

"Why,

you'll

be well-loved, well-kept, and well-satisfied!" I've

my male friends. They love feminine women. Nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities. They literally purr when they recall their listened to

interaction with her.

Rebekah was a virgin and she went to meet Isaac with nothing except her clothing and a maidservant. But she went packing a

whole

lot

more

brothers, she

inside.

Because she grew up surrounded by

had learned the ways of men.

We know from her first

encounter with her prospective husband's servant that she understood

how

to serve a

man. She understood the value of his pos-

and respected them

sessions

conducted herself like a

as things to

be cared for

as well.

lady, yielded to the decision of her father

and brothers, took a giant leap of faith, and got the bonus

The

She

prize.

Bible says that Isaac loved her and was comforted by her.

Rebekah was loving.

a

woman who had warmth. She was

She was

a

good cook

—

this

we know from

attractive later

and

on when

she cooks up a delicious stew in order to help her son Jacob get the blessing.

have a

on the

She knew how

to

make

a house a

home. Whether you

man or not, you should do these things. Begin to practice men who are already in your world. If you are single, your

How

and

brothers, cousins,

to

Build Your

friends

for

being a

man or no man, do it for yourself

and your own sense of completion.

Do

it

for

your loved ones and

Do it as a testimony to the grace within you.

your friends. is

155

can help you to prepare

good mate and homemaker. So,

There

House

something to be said

for

waking up in the morning

and being pleased that you've made your home the best home could be, no matter tant because your

how simple

or elaborate

it is.

This

is

it

impor-

home reflects who you are. When people

leave

your home, they should leave with a sense of knowing something

about you they didn't

know before. When people walk

mood should change. The atmosphere

apartment or house, their of your

home

should reflect peace and well-being. People should

sense the presence of God in your thirsty,

weary

is

where we

to the is

the

You

is

It

should be an oasis for

more than just your physical house;

the hearts of those

It is

all really live.

who

surround you.

mix extends beyond the idea of the

way everyone under your roof

friends, yourself.

I

The woman

It

how

recall visiting

is

some

you

walls

heart

live within. It

affected by your presence.

everyone

When

feels

—

friends in

children, mate,

New York awhile

was

as if

she arrived home, the whole atmos-

the sun had

the evening. Suddenly the house

and excited. The

The

your

of the house worked unusual hours, so she was

out most of the day.

phere changed.

it is

Therefore, the flavor your spirit brings

get to set the stage for

back.

home.

souls.

But your home household.

into your

air

came

come out alive.

in the middle of

Everyone was happy

was charged with love and the anticipation of

a wonderful time before everyone retired for the night. All of this

because of one

woman who possessed

and a contagious laugh.

a sweet

spirit,

a gentle way,

a

The Power of Being a

156

"The wise woman

own hands

Woman

builds her house, but with her

the foolish one tears hers

down"

(Proverbs 14:1 Niv).

Everything revolves around the the

title

of a delightful book,

Happy (Lindsey O'Connor, truth. Just take a look at

"Better to live a

woman

of the house.

I

love

If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Harvest House). And that's the

how

a

woman

affects a house.

on the corner of the roof than

share

house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 21:9

NIV).

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome

and ill-tempered wife" (Proverbs 21:19 Niv).

"A

quarrelsome wife

is

like a

constant dripping on

a rainy day" (Proverbs 27:15 Niv).

"A

foolish

woman

is

clamorous, she

is

simple,

and

knows nothing" (Proverbs 9:13 NKJV). "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout

woman who shows no

is

a beautiful

discretion" (Proverbs 11:22

NIV).

"For three things the earth hateful

woman when

she

perturbed, yes for...

is

is

married" (Proverbs

30:21,23 NKJV).

"A

wife of noble character

but a disgraceful wife

is

is

her husband's crown,

like

decay in his bones"

(Proverbs 12:4 NIV).

That about sums for a

man

that he

it

up.

A woman can make life so miserable

would rather abide

in the desert.

Her

attitude

How

can eat up a

tection.

The man

off opposition

surround that

women

single

should

Build Your

House

157

man and completely destroy him. She can choose to

power she has

use the

to

is

to

make him

or break him.

called to walk in front of the

and danger, but the

woman

She

is

woman to ward

has been created to

man and protect his heart. I'm still speaking to the here, as well. Every man who crosses your path

feel better

when he

is

in your presence.

derful opportunity to perfect your gifts while

how to build your house now. What is a house? What is its wards off the elements.

It

You have

you are

covers you in times of rain, storms,

your possessions and keeps them

safe. It gives

It

you a place to feed,

harbors

you

know where

rest,

to

keeps

It

safe

all

of

bound-

and consistency; you return to the same place every

provides access to others, as people you.

Learn

function exactly? Well, a house

you warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

It offers

won-

a

single.

heat, cold, snow, anything that could affect your health.

aries

his pro-

come

day. It

to find

and even to cleanse your-

self.

As

a wife, or a godly

woman, the man

that his heart, his secrets,

You should be the one

and

his

in your

emotions are

life

should feel

safe

with you.

to contribute to regulating his emotions

and decisions, cooling him down when he's hot under the and fanning the flame to tions,

and

one who

his is

stir

up

his passion for

home. You should be

his

God,

collar,

his ambi-

haven of consistency, the

always there, the one he can always count on.

knows what

to expect

from you because your character

is

He so

He should not come home every day to find a different woman who he can't figure out living in his house. He should sound.

have access to your heart, your your counsel

He

all

softness,

your reassurances, and

the time, and vice versa. You should be his oasis.

should be refreshed in your presence.

And

because of your

— The Power of Being a

158

Woman

good example, he wants to be the best he can be

for you.

put away anything that could

sully

him

the face of the earth affects a

man

like the softness of a

Of all

the things that he

bring

him more

the

woman he

may

He will

Nothing on

woman.

acquire in his lifetime, nothing can

joy or pain than to be

longs

in your eyes.

welcomed or spurned by

after.

"You have stolen

my heart, my sister, my bride; you

my

heart with one glance of your

have stolen

How delightful is your love, my sister, my How much more pleasing is your love than

eyes....

bride!

wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

my

Your

lips

bride; milk

You

drop sweetness

and honey

are

are a garden locked up,

as the

honeycomb,

under your tongue. ...

my sister, my bride; you

are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.... You are

a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming

down from Lebanon" (Song

of Songs 4:9-12,15

NIV).

When a man is in love, he is in love. "Can't keep his mind on nothhV

else," as

the Shulamite

One glance

the song goes.

Solomon was deeply

woman. Why? The

into her eyes

girl

in love with

knew how to build a house.

—

eyes filled with trust

leveled him. Loving her was a pleasure.

and adoration

She looked good, smelled

good, and was a delight to be around. Her love was intoxicating.

And

she always had something sweet to

that

left

him

speechless.

creet. Therefore, she

She was lost.

She walked

had his

trust.

say.

The

in purity

girl

and she was

She was downright

a sanctuary, a beautiful garden in

This was where he found his peace.

had a rap dis-

refreshing.

which he loved

to get

— How

Build Your

to

House

159

Construction 101 Because most

men will agree

that a house

the feminine touch has been applied,

make

is

not a

think

which a man can

begin with a sound foundation of

feel at

How

to

do we

home? Well,

trust.

Solomon spoke of the Shulamite being meaning that she had kept her love

home until

we now need

sure we're all equipped with the right tools.

build a good, solid house in let's

I

for

a sealed fountain,

him. She had not slept

with other men. She had self-control. Her "fountain" was for her

husband

only.

him and kept

Because she had exercised restraint before meeting it

until their

he was away from

he could then

vessel,

him,

her. If

as well.

Therefore, a

wedding

day,

he could

trust

he could

trust

her

her to keep the things pertaining to

Men don't trust many people man

her to

when keep her own

trust

needs to

know he can

in their outside world.

woman. Ask

trust his

man his pet peeve, and he'll tell you that he hates it when woman in his life discusses his business with her friends

any the

his business being your relationship. Discretion

What you choose

man.

The man

in your

life

to shout abroad

needs to

trust

you

He

discreetly, free of panic,

In

1

arise

his undoing.

hide his heart, his

needs to

you to handle the situations that

important to a

can lead to

know he can

dreams, and his secrets with you.

is

know

that he can

between the two of

without sounding every alarm.

Samuel, chapter 25, we find a

woman who had this down

to a science. Perhaps because Abigail's husband, Nabal,

and that was not a

fool,

fact she

to handle his mistakes quietly

him.

and

was a

wished to broadcast, she learned

and without drawing attention to

When King David was camping out on Nabal's territory, he

his troops ran out of food.

for provisions.

flocks

and

So he sent word

to

Nabal asking

Because his troops had been protecting Nabal's

crops,

David thought

this

was a

fair

exchange. But

The Power of Being a

160

Nabal

foolishly chose to insult

vowed

very angry and

Woman

David and his men. David became

Nabal and

to destroy

One

his household.

of Nabal's servants then went to Abigail to inform her about

what was happening. Summing up what had happened, he something very interesting:

can do, because household. (1

He

disaster

is

Samuel 25:17

is

"Now think

man that no one can talk to him"

Why did the servant feel that he could go

to Abigail? Because she

was "a

woman

and of a beautiful countenance" sense,

over and see what you

hanging over our master and his whole

such a wicked Niv).

it

said

(1

of good understanding,

Samuel 25:3

Kjv).

She had

and she was approachable, kind, and discerning! She

didn't fuss at her husband; she quietly took action.

She gathered

the provisions needed, then set off to appease David.

And did a

though David was not a member of her household, she

little

housekeeping with him, too. She politely reminded

him that he had a call on his this situation

was getting.

life

much greater than the

attention

He should preserve his wrath for more

important battles, staying focused on God's plan for his

not adding needless bloodshed to his destiny, so

much

the Lord brought that

if it

so that she asked

him

into success.

credit.

him

to

She believed

and

in his

remember her when

David was quick to

tell

her

hadn't been for her, every male belonging to Nabal

would have been dead by daybreak. Because of her, assuaged.

life

"A gracious woman retaineth honour"

his

wrath was

(Proverbs 11:16

KJV).

So Abigail went home

to find her

husband having a

Did she tap him on the shoulder and proceed to or two right there and then?

tell

him

party.

a thing

No, she held her peace

until

morning, and then she respectfully related everything that had

happened. The to Nabal.

moment the story was

He had a stroke, fell

told,

something happened

into a coma, or

had

a heart attack.

How

Who

to

Build Your

House

can say? But his end came ten days

struck

him and he

sent for Abigail to

David

as

the Lord

his wife. He knew a good thing when me back to my point about single women

become

absorbing this information.

know who

when

later

When David heard of NabaPs death, he

died.

he saw one. This brings

never

161

I'll

repeat what

said earlier:

I

You

watching you. Abigail was not looking

is

at

husband material. She was merely protecting her house.

Little did she

And what

know

that she was planting seeds for her future.

a harvest

it

was!

She became a wife

to the king of

Israel.

Now that we have our foundation in place, frame. Prudence will keep a house firm

on within

its

walls.

Prudence

is

let's

deal with the

no matter what

is

a precious commodity.

"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife

is

from the LORD" (Proverbs 19:14

NIV).

"A [woman] who

lacks

judgment derides

[her]

neighbor, but a [woman] of understanding holds [her]

tongue" (Proverbs 11:12 NIV).

"A prudent [woman] self],

keeps

[her]

knowledge to

[her-

but the heart of fools blurts out folly"

(Proverbs 12:23 NIV).

"Every prudent [woman] acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes [her] folly" (Proverbs 13:16 NIV).

"The wise standing,

in heart are called prudent, under-

and knowing, and winsome speech

increases learning [in both speaker

and

Understanding

to those

have

it,

is

a wellspring of

life

but to give instruction to fools

listener].

who is folly. The

going

The Power of Being a

162

mind of the wise

Woman

mouth, and adds

instructs [her]

learning and persuasiveness to [her]

words are

honeycomb, sweet

as a

Pleasant

lips.

to the

mind and

healing to the body" (Proverbs 16:21-24 AMP).

Now you know why Abigail didn't waste her time saying anyknew

thing to Nabal. She

and

battles

left

break the

spirit

it

would be

And

the rest to the Lord.

way on her

a major

that

of a

to

She chose her

the Lord showed up in

Take a lesson from Abigail.

behalf.

man

useless.

make

Why

a point?

allow a fool to

bring out the fool in you? Just take care of your house.

worth salvaging,

him

take

and

will deal

It

of the unnecessary mess.

walk hand in hand.

wisdom

is

walls. "I,

the roof.

If he's

not,

he

God

is

will

doesn't major in the minors or minor in

assesses a situation

It

with him.

If

end, by God. Prudence sees the big picture

acts accordingly.

the majors. all

God

The

out.

Why

If It

and takes decisive action, minus

That

prudence

keeps a

lid

why prudence and wisdom

is

is

the frame of the house, then

on

all

that transpires within

wisdom, dwell together with prudence;

I

its

possess knowl-

edge and discretion" (Proverbs 8:12 Niv).

Another and

translation says that

finds out

ative use of

wisdom dwells with prudence

knowledge of witty inventions. Wisdom makes

its

knowledge. Every feminine

woman knows

cre-

that

there are ways to get things done without wreaking havoc. Back

when King David was suffering from the rebellion of son Absalom, another man named Sheba rose up and caused

in the days his

the children of Israel to rebel against David after he returned

When

home. after

David was

resettled in the palace, his

army went

Sheba. They found him hiding in a city called Abel Beth

Maacah, so they

built a siege

ramp up

tering the wall of the city to bring

"a wise

woman"

it

called over the wall

to the city

down. The

and began

bat-

story goes that

and asked Joab, who was

How

to

Build Your

leading the siege, what he wanted.

House

When he

he was there to take Sheba, she told him,

and

faithful in Israel.

mother

in Israel.

inheritance?" (2

You

Why

163

informed her that

"We

are the peaceful

are trying to destroy a city that

is

do you want to swallow up the Lord's

Samuel 20:18

Niv). Joab replied that this was

not his intention; he simply wanted Sheba. She answered that that was

all

him from

a

if

he wanted, the head of Sheba would be thrown to

the wall. Notice that she did not get pulled into a long

conversation or

let

the threatening force enter her gates. She just

went about the business of doing what had It

head

found a way to make

(7~ (_^hese women

it

men

to reverse

happen.

understood that

a great part of their purpose was the

done

does not say that she went after Sheba's

the course of events. herself; she just

to be

in their world centered

to

keep

on

the

purposes of God being played out to completion in their lives. affect every

Every

man

is

called to

within her sphere

of influence in

She

woman

this

fashion.

Who Has an Ear

The woman went advice,"

to all the people in the city with her "wise

and they cut off Sheba's head and threw

it

over the wall.

1

The Power of Being a

64

The army dispersed and went

—

from destruction

name was not

all

its

Woman

way, and thus the city was saved

because of one wise woman.

disclosed, but her story

The woman's

recorded because o{

is

importance. She had no high position in the

city,

its

but she had a

reputation for wisdom, and the leaders obviously listened to her.

When the army was battering down the wall, no one had made a move except

woman

to

cower against the impending doom. This one

asked the wisest question any

man: "What do you want?" You listens.

Listen to the

and then give

it

man

to him.

It

see,

in your

woman could

wisdom

life.

is

ever ask her

wise because she

Find out what he wants,

keeps the army from destroying your

house, your relationship, your state of well-being, and your heart.

"Catch

for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin

the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom"

(Song of Songs 2:15 Niv). It's

the

everyday ignored.

little bits

life

The

that ruin things.

The

through the crevices of

The accumulation needs and

of requests

desires.

The

small

lack of accommodating the other's sen-

All of a sudden, what started off as a tiny crack in the

wall of love has

when

falling

belittling of another's

offenses overlooked. sitivities.

and pieces

become

the damage took

a leveled wreck. its toll,

No one can recall quite

now

but

the repair will be very

costly.

This

woman took the time

attacked.

to find out

the city was being

She went beyond what her eyes could

root of the problem.

it

getting the credit, or even saving her

thing greater than that.

common

see to get to the

When the problem was voiced,

solution and solicited help bringing

the

why

thread in

Once all

again,

of this

—

about.

own life. I

it

It It

she found a

wasn't about her

was about some-

hope that you

are noticing

was about the purposes of

How

Build Your

to

House

165

God being protected. Abigail brought it up, and the wise woman also brought

made

it

up. Everything, every decision

in the light of God's purposes for our lives

These

others.

women

pose was to keep the

made, must be

and the

understood that a great part of their pur-

men

on the

in their world centered

poses of God being played out to completion in their

woman

is

ence in

this fashion.

lives of

called to affect every

man

lives.

pur-

Every

within her sphere oi influ-

Joab was not the wise woman's husband, but nevertheless, he

man

was a

messing with the purposes of

the destiny of a nation.

took a woman

It

God and to bring

messing with to his atten-

it

tion.

The

halt,

and an alternative to the destruction was found. "The

oi the

realization of this brought everything to a screaming

LORD

It is

is

fear

the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs 9:10 Niv).

God's purposes which supply the mortar that keeps the

whole house standing.

our relationship with

It is

Him

that fur-

nishes us with true wisdom.

Through the guidance of His Holy

Spirit instructing us, "This

the way, walk ye in

Kjv),

and

we

is

it"

(Isaiah 30:21

receive fresh advice daily for every situation in our lives

relationships. This

Wisdom

trusts

leaning to

There

its is

God

own

is

the "daily bread"

completely and

is

we need

to ask

for.

never presumptuous in

understanding.

something special about a

art of gently leading

sions for her house.

her

woman who

masters the

man to see reason and to make wise deci-

Art

is

not about manipulation.

It is

about

possessing an understanding of the subject and the appropriate

technique of rendering. the

artist

is

No

two pictures are the same because

sensitive to the object being captured.

cognizant of the limitations of the

An

artist

is

medium being used. You can't

be heavy-handed with water paint;

it

would ruin the paper.

And

Woman

The Power of Being a

166

canvas must be prepared in order for

and age properly once the work

"The

fear of the

LORD

is

oil or acrylic

paint to dry

complete.

teaches a [woman] wisdom,

and humility comes before honor" (Proverbs 15:33 NIV).

"A

wise [woman's] heart guides [her] mouth, and

[her] lips

promote instruction" (Proverbs 16:23

NIV).

"Her ways [wisdom]

are pleasant ways,

and

all

her

paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17 NIV).

"A

gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh

word

stirs

up anger" (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).

And so the beauty of art is in its originality and technique. God is the greatest artist of all. No two snowflakes are the same. No two women are the same. No two men are the same. We are each unique, bearing our syncrasies.

is

seven

"Wisdom has

pillars"

That

is

needs and

idio-

whole marriage thing was as

one

why wisdom,

in spite of

it all.

godly wisdom,

built her house; she has

hewn

out

is

its

(Proverbs 9:1 NIV).

Wisdom keeps the house that threaten to destroy it

this

—two people walking

a divine mystery.

required.

set of individual

Small wonder Paul said

a mystery. Imagine

That

own

it.

in order

and covers

WTiat are the seven

able to withstand the storms of

life

from

all

forces

pillars that

make

it

and relationships? Pru-

dence, knowledge, discretion, counsel, sound judgment, understanding, and power.

and

fitted

God

wants every

woman

to be equipped

with these qualities so she can save her house and the

testimonies of the

men who

surround her.

How

When the Jews

Build Your

House

167

were confronted with a life-and-death

book of

tion in the

to

Queen

Esther,

Esther

felt

situa-

that she did not

qualify as a part of the solution. But her cousin, Mordecai,

reminded her that perhaps her position

as

queen was the only

reason she was where she was. Therefore, she needed to use her influence to persuade her husband to save her people. In other

words, this faculties

is it,

need to kick in now

to be handled carefully,

godly

your womanly

girlfriend, if you're a wife, all of

as

never before. This situation had

and Esther knew

woman, her husband was not

and worshiped other gods.

it.

Though

a believer.

He was

Knowledge made Esther

she could not go sweeping into his throne

room

what she needed from him. So

Persian

realize that

using religion as

man

her argument. She had to appeal to his senses as a to get

she was a

after fasting

in order

and waiting on

the counsel of God for three days, she took the time to look her best

and pay her husband a

visit.

When

he saw

her,

he was so

pleased that he offered her half his kingdom. But understanding instructed Esther not to get caught up in the

needed to

moment. She

stay focused. Therefore, all she asked for

ence, along with

was his pres-

Haman's (the man who was a threat

to the lives

of her and her people), at a banquet she had prepared for him.

Can you

imagine what that did to his ego?

Wisdom knows

that there's a time for everything. After he was well-fed and feeling adored, the king again offered Esther half of his

kingdom.

him and Haman

She responded that her only

desire

was

join her again at dinner. Well,

he

feeling pretty special. Esther

was exhibiting discretion

left

at its finest.

be enough to make even the wisest

for

The

to

threat of death would

woman

panic, but prudence

kept watch, waiting for the opportune time to broach the subject.

When the king returned for a second banquet,

again offering

her half the kingdom, Esther's sound judgment kicked

in. It

was

The Power of Being a

168

Woman

time to lay her request before her husband. This was

power

as a

woman took control.

revealed that her

were

at stake.

Though

life

Still

when

wrapped in femininity, she

was in danger and that the

As her distress was revealed,

lives of her

people

the king rose in a rage.

the people in trouble were without his house, the

his wife also affected his

own

life

her

life

of

and house. He demanded

to

know who was responsible for this. As Esther pointed to the perpetrator, Haman's fate was sealed. He threw himself across Esther's couch, pleading for mercy, but the king decided that he had gotten too close for comfort and ordered

was then given to Esther, nine

him hanged. Haman's house

who passed

it

on

to Mordecai.

A femi-

woman will possess the house of her enemies and those who

come to cause division and strife. Her house will be established in unity as her husband rises up to be her protector, her cover, and

her provider, whether he

Once Esther.

again, other

is

men

godly or not.

were affected besides the husband of

Her influence saved the

the purposes of

God

lives of

in their lives.

many men and

And

fulfilled

because she chose to

build her house with wisdom, her husband yielded to her desires,

asking her what else would she like for

her husband her the occasion.

is

in turn,

made

to do. Esther

and her hero, and he was pleased to

And she,

covering. This to feel secure.

ally

him

rise to

was pleased to dwell beneath

the type of house that causes

all

within

its

his

walls

A woman submitted to her Lord and King can rest

secure in the knowledge that her house

is

standing on solid

ground.

You must take note that wisdom did not descend on Esther. She built her personal house

been prepared

for

just first.

suddenly

She had

"such a time as this" long before she entered

the palace oi the king. She was already established in her relationship with

God. Her feminine

skills

had been honed

in the

How

home

House

Build Your

to

169

of her cousin, as he had taught her the

making

a

home

needed

skills

The eunuchs

as well as the things of God.

for

in the

palace added the finishing touches to an already-exquisite vessel

ways of women. Esther

as they detailed the finer aspects of the

was prepared without and within. She was walking in the knowledge that she had acquired before she had been selected to marry the king. Therefore, ically

when crisis struck,

she was able to automat-

flow in the right manner.

work and

"Finish your outdoor after that, build

Another

get your fields ready;

your house" (Proverbs 24:27 Niv).

translation says, "First put

all

in order out of doors

and make everything ready on the land; then establish your house and home" (NEB). In other words, acquire to

know and

put

entrenched in your heart. will

and get

in order

it

Then

all

all

that you need

that you've learned firmly

the stage will be

and you

set,

be ready to build and establish a home. Building takes prep

work. You must gather your supplies in the right quantities.

And

then, with the help of the Lord, the Master Builder, you must

become your

a skillful craftsman.

home will affect how "Except the

LORD

vain that build

Dear Heavenly clay. Build Fill

it

my

with the

it"

Father,

it

Remember

stands.

that

what you put into

So build your house

carefully.

builds the house, they labour in

(Psalm 127:1 Kjv).

You are

house. Furnish

aroma of Your

it

the Potter,

and

I

am

with the fruit of the

anointing. Decorate

the Spirit.

me

in

1

The Power of Being a

70

wisdom and dwell in

my

truly listen

virtue

that

,

presence

and hear

1

might be a sanctuary

Grant me

.

Woman

the gift of

the needs of others.

to all

who

discernment

Teach

me

the

of women according to Your original design. Strengthen to

withstand the

fast

when

tests

of storms and

the very foundations of all

are shaken.

As

I

and a haven for

In Jesus' name.

1

Help me

believe in

stand fast in Your promise

stone that stands firm in place,

trials.

my

life,

me

stand

and hope for

to be the

make me an

the hearts of those

to

to

ways

oasis,

Corner-

a quiet

You send my way.

Amen.

^Stiuw LJjieAtuHUS 1.

What

traditions

position of the affected the

2.

have changed over the years about the

woman until

way she

What do men fear

is

she

is

married?

perceived by a

How has

man?

about independent and successful

women?

3.

What

advantages are there to familial living?

this

How

4.

to

Build Your

House

171

How does dwelling on past mistakes keep us from moving forward?

5.

6.

men

looking for in a

things does he

want from her?

What

are

woman? What

three

How can a woman prepare herself for marriage

and

homemaking?

7.

How can the

atmosphere oi your

home

affect people

who

spend time there?

8.

How can a woman's

attitude

and personality

affect

her

spouse?

9.

What with?

three things should a

man feel

safe to trust

you

The Power of Being a

172

10.

What

11.

Why

12.

How does prudence keep

about a

is

woman

affects a

Woman

man more

discretion important to a

than anything?

man?

the foundation of your

home

firm?

13.

What

is

an important component of applying wisdom to

any situation?

14.

What

15.

How did Esther get her husband

16.

What

are the seven pillars that

keep a house standing?

to listen to her needs?

prep work do you need to do in order to be ready

to build your house?

How

17.

What home?

things have

to

Build Your

House

1

73

weakened the foundation of your

How can you begin the

rebuilding process?

whose needs do you think of first?

18.

In times of crisis,

19.

How are you applying yourself to gaining more wisdom?

20.

How are you

influencing your

God-given destiny?

man

to follow after his

SEVEN

fGibiSte

.

3

he called him Lord

and crowned him with her graciousness following beside shielded by his protective arms

she basked in his shadow the while being his sun

all

her rays

bathing him in assurances of greatness and esteem

whispering wisdoms in his ear

he did not

reject

she dressed

as

him

in success before his peers.

and

as

her love surrounded his heart

warding

off the

he did

enemy

battle for her

covering that most precious to for she

him

was his glory

his treasure his pearl of great price

she stooped

he stooped even lower not willing to lose sight of her eyes eyes that said so

much

without saying anything at yet they gave

all

him peace

in the middle of a storm

they

made him

see reason

when his own

vision

was clouded with rage they

lit

the way

176

.

.

.

illuminating his path

with sound direction all

the while

still

calling

him Lord

the pressure of gentle hands pushed

him onward

toward the fulfillment of his destiny soothing tired shoulders stroking

away worry

silencing the child

awakening the as still

calling

man

within

only she could

him Lord

she held his world steady in her hands she

filled his

empty spaces

she repaired the breaches in his

spirit

and made him whole again. she was his sanctuary his food

his light his

and

still

she called

queen

him

177

Lord.

.

.

ust say you're

my sister," Abraham said.

nothing, as she listened to her husband.

but

it

was also not

true.

Though

It

Sarah frowned, saying

was true what he

she was his half

"I'm not going to stand here and fool myself. tiful

you

are.

I

I

to

know how

lie!

beau-

way that men look at you. If the Egyptians my wife, they'll kill me and take you. But if are my sister, they will treat me well because of

see the

that you're

they think you you."

she was

She could not believe that he wanted her

also his wife.

know

sister,

said,

As Abraham continued, Sarah still

said nothing.

She would

obey even though she disagreed, and she knew that her eyes told

him how one

she

felt.

This was the same

day, saying that the

man who had come

to her

Lord had told him to leave their home

and venture forth to a place

He would show

idea where they were going; he only

God.

that he must follow the call of

had

them.

this

And

He had no

burning knowing

so Sarah obediently

packed up their belongings and followed her husband, praying

God would keep them and honor their obedience. And now this! Abraham was truly asking a bit much

that

this

new

proposition. Hadn't

it

been enough

the comfort o{ an established

Though

to ask her to leave

home and longtime friends?

the consequences of these actions would

178

with

fall

upon

his

The S trength of Vulnerability

head and not seeing

could

hers,

179

Sarah could not deny that she was dreading

how this deception would play out. How her husband trust God to wander in the land, yet could not trust Him

to protect their lives, she did not understand. But rather than

question him, she would wait and see what

Abraham was

right about

Sarah beautiful

—

God

one thing. The Egyptians did find

so beautiful, they raved about her to Pharaoh,

and took her into the palace to become Pharaoh's

Abraham was stock,

and

did. Well,

lavished with

all sorts

wife!

While

of extravagant presents, live-

servants, Sarah sat in the palace waiting to see

how

God was going to get them out of this fine mess. She prayed that God would keep her and protect her from Pharaoh's affections. That was where the line would have to be drawn. And then it happened Pharaoh and all who were in his house were struck

—

with a plague. Everyone became

came forward man's wife.

to reveal to

ill

except Sarah!

The

diviners

Pharaoh that he was housing another

And before Sarah knew it, she was being whisked out

of the palace and sent

on her way along with her husband and

of the wealth they had acquired while in the land.

lyubmission

is

a command

men and women

alike

.

to

Until

submission as God's instruction vulnerable enough to receive fail to

an

,

everyone,

we to

become

we

recognize that submission invitation to be blessed.

see

will is

all

— The Power of Being a

180

Woman

This was not the only time that Sarah was a tool in the midst of Abraham's bad decisions. that

And

it

was also not the

time

last

God rescued her from being caught in the middle of her hus-

band's mistakes. Eight chapters later in the book of Genesis,

Abraham once Once again he

again lost his confidence in God's protection.

Abimelech, the reigning monarch of the

told

country in which they dwelt, that Sarah was his

sister.

Once

God did not He visited the king in a dream and told him that he was a dead man for taking Sarah, Abraham's wife. The king reasoned with God that he had not touched Sarah, but God was quick to point out to him that He was the one who had kept again the king took her and claimed her for his own. take this lightly.

him from touching

Sarah. In other words, don't be so quick to

brag about being virtuous because you would have touched her I

had allowed

it.

God

Abraham, "quick and

if

instructed the king to give Sarah back to in a hurry,"

if

he wanted to

live.

Then God

promised to have Abraham pray for him because he was a prophet. That morning, the king called for

fronted

him about

his

Abraham explained

masquerade

Abraham and con-

as Sarah's brother.

his fears, the king gave

him

livestock

and

him

that

servants along with a thousand pieces of silver and told

they could live anywhere they liked. fear of

him.

Abraham then prayed

They were

for

God

to

After

have no more

to heal Abimelech's

He had closed up everybody's womb until Sarah's release. So all the women in King Abimelech's house became pregnant. And the anointing for fruitfulness spread wife and maidservants, for

even to Sarah.

Now, why Because so

It

was

did

I

after this that

Sarah also became pregnant.

take the time to retell that whole story?

many women struggle with

the "s" word. You got

we're getting ready to talk about submission! Because

women have partners who are not submitted to God,

it

many

submission

The

181

Strength of Vulnerability

becomes an even more horrifying concept.

God

I

felt it

was impor-

tant to illustrate how when the men who are supposed to be leading them guide them down the wrong path. This is why your house must be built with faithfully

wisdom.

I

am

not going to

tell

tell

women, even

you to submit to abuse or other

Word

things that clearly violate the

guards His

of God. But

you that until you can bring yourself to

I

trust

am going to God as your

ultimate covering, even over that of your mate or whoever authority,

you

will

ried, this applies to

have trouble in River you

are your authorities.

him

receive stated.

Submission

Until

alike.

in the

we

as well.

You

is

is

a

command

"submission"

Your cooperation

is

unmar-

and employer

yield to those

to everyone,

I

just

men and women

see submission as God's instruction to

we

your

your mate whenever you

same respect that you

an invitation to be

The word

pastor, father,

will yield to

vulnerable enough to receive,

mission

Your

City. For the

is

become

will fail to recognize that sub-

blessed.

is

not synonymous with "doormat."

required in submission.

You have

to decide to

go along with another person. Therefore, you are not rolling over; you

have merely decided to walk in agreement.

strength to do that, especially

if

It

takes

you're not quite sure you agree

with the direction in which you're headed. Sarah's story proves this.

In spite of Abraham's actions,

didn't

allow

God

protected Sarah!

Pharaoh or King Abimelech to touch

He her.

Remember, King Abimelech thought he had done good not

to

God told him it wasn't that he had been good, it was the hand of God that kept him from violating Sarah. Though touch her until

the going seemed a

Sarah

left

home

hairy in both situations,

richer because of Sarah.

Now, why his

little

is it

that

for parts

Thanks

Abraham could

unknown? Could

trust

to

Abraham and

God.

God enough to leave God to give him a

believe

1

The Power of Being a

82

Him

son in his old age? Could watch

Sodom and Gomorrah and

Woman

burn down the

deliver Lot, yet

not

still

him and

The thought of her being forced to be the man, was too much for Abraham to

wife.

a godless

willing to take any chances with her

life.

God to to him. He

trust

protect his wife? Because Sarah was just too precious

couldn't bear the thought of the king killing

cities of

taking his

wife of a stranger,

He was not single women

bear.

Just as

God for everything except a mate and mothers can God for everything except the safety of their children,

can believe believe

the same principle prevails here.

We

have trouble releasing our

most precious things into the care of God. For some reason, we do not believe that what we view cious to

God and

hold dear. thing

that

He

is

as precious

even more pre-

is

well able to keep those things

we

How it wrenches our hearts when we have done every-

we can think of,

yet to

no

avail,

and we

are forced to release

our dreams, our mates, and our children into the hands of God, stand

trauma; If

and see His

still,

God

doesn't

He

want

salvation.

us to

work that hard only

simply wants us to submit.

I'll

tell

you can submit to the authority in your

life,

thing in you choice,

own

God

is

screaming that this direction

round. But

if

they'll

what they've asked

made

it

little secret.

even when everyis

not the wisest

more because you

is

didn't point

be more open to your counsel the next go-

you dig in your heels and point out

their only defense

tion. If

you a

will give those in authority the grace to see their

mistakes. They'll love you

them out and

to fall prey to

to put

their stupidity,

on the muscle and

force

you to do

and secure

their

own

in order to prove

posi-

turns out to be a mess, they'll never admit that they

a mistake because you've already offended their sense of

dignity.

They now have no

become the

fall

grace to see their faults, and you have

guy in the whole

fiasco.

No one should ever feel

— The S trength of Vulnerability

1

83

They should

they have to defend their point of view to you.

always feel that they can ask for your suggestion without judg-

ment.

Don't Stop the Flow

One day a woman came to Elisha the prophet. Her husband, who had worked for Elisha, had died. She was now left in debt to a creditor who had threatened to take her two sons for slaves as payment. Elisha asked her what she had in her house. (There's that "house" thing again.)

was a

flask of olive oil.

empty jars

she could from friends and neighbors. her,

into the empty containers,

the flask

filled.

replied that all she

And

had

He then instructed her to borrow as many

home, shut the door behind

to go

were

as

The woman

the

woman was

Then she was

and pour the olive setting

them

from

obedient. She poured and

poured until every container she had borrowed was she ran out of empty containers, the

oil

aside as they

oil

filled.

When

stopped flowing. She was

then able to pay her debts.

Now,

there are a couple of things here that are important to

note in the area of submission. to the prophet,

why

The woman had

who told her to do something. She didn't ask him

or stand there trying to figure

borrow empty submit

She went

a need.

vessels.

when you

Keep

it

out; she did

mind

in

that

it

what he

is

said

impossible to

are full of yourself. Submission calls for

you to

own ideas on The next step is

be open to direction, emptying yourself of all your the subject to

make room for other possibilities.

to close the door to your house

mission thing authority,

is

personal.

behind you. After

all,

whether that be your mate or your employer.

open forum

for

Submission

will

everyone

else to

this sub-

between you, God, and your

It is

It's

not an

throw in their two cents worth.

be easier for you

if it is

a private

affair.

Lots of

1

The Power of Being a

84

times

it is

difficult to

Woman

submit because you're too cognizant of what

everyone else thinks about you submitting to your husband. Just

who think it is ridiculous for you to listen to your husband go home either to empty homes or problems with their own mate. Don't believe the hype. At the remember,

all

end of the

day, the

and enough

And

isn't

left

that

you need and around

those girlfriends

it. It's

widow had what she needed

to pay her debt

over for her and her sons to live on comfortably.

what

really all about?

it's

desire.

It's

You've got to give to

one of the

rules of the

When Abraham decided

it

about getting what get; there's

no way

kingdom.

was time

for Isaac to

be married,

One of

he sent his servant to find a bride from among his people. the stipulations Isaac was.

lowed a

was that she had to be willing to come to where

The chosen woman, Rebekah,

where she was,

left

fol-

man she did not know, and ended up married to a wealthy

man and became

the mother of two nations. She could have put

her hand on her hip and

said,

"Well,

she didn't. She submitted to the

why can't he move here?" But

unknown

in order to be blessed

with a husband birthed from promise. Ruth submitted herself to her mother-in-law's instructions and laid

down at a man's feet

in

order to be blessed with a wealthy husband and an entry into the lineage of Jesus Christ. Esther submitted herself in service to her

king in order to be blessed with the preservation of her the

life

of her people.

that

want things

we can

to be

believe

and

Are you seeing the pattern here?

Sometimes I think that the Word of God

We

life

is

just too easy for us.

more complicated than they

we had

a

hand

Naaman the army commander had

in the final leprosy,

really are so

outcome.

When

he was sent to Elisha

to be healed. Elisha simply sent his servant out with a message

that Naaman should dip himself in the Jordan seven times in order to be healed.

Naaman was insulted.

"Doesn't he

know who I am?

The S trength of Vulnerability

185

How dare he send some common servant out to give me a message to go

and dunk myself

know

he's

my

supposed to do

station in life?

hand over me,

He

called

manner

this thing right, in a

come out

should have

himself,

officers tried to reason that

if Elisha

had

told

down

waved

his

why not

try this

to the Jordan River

One of his

him to do something

difficult in order to secure his healing, surely

Therefore,

befitting

on the Lord with a great display, and healed

me!" (That's Naaman quoted in Michelle paraphrase.)

it.

he

in the dirtiest river in Israel? Doesn't

he would have done

Naaman went

simple thing? So

and dipped himself

in

it

seven times.

And you know what happened? He was completely cured. What is the problem that we share with Naaman? The problem of pride and self-righteousness. These two friends can squeeze the

God

life

out of a blessing in no time.

saying, "Hey, you're so together.

Why

I

get this picture of

You got

it

covered, bless

Naaman needed to see just how dirty he really was. Not outside, but inside. He needed a revelation that he may be "the man" when it came to the army, but God was the ultimate man. He needed to submit to the knowledge of who he really was in God's sight before he could be healed. Some of us need to submit to the knowledge of what is really in our hearts before we can move to the next stage of yourself."

dip in a dirty river?

blessing. Pride will

keep you from coming clean with God.

Self-

righteousness will keep you from experiencing the flow o{ God's

cleansing and liberating power.

It is

that

power which enables

to submit to the wishes of

men.

wrong," are words you find

difficult to say

comes

easily,

while

just to

"I

It is

told

God

was

you

so,"

probably not

and the blessings that come with

Did you know that

I

the words "I'm sorry,

consider the state of your heart.

ripe for submission

on you

If

us

it.

will allow those in authority to lean

show you what's

inside your heart?

Woman

The Power of Being a

186

"The human heart wicked.

know!

Who

is

most deceitful and desperately

knows how bad

really

the LORD, search

I,

secret motives.

I

give

all

all

hearts

it

But

is?

I

and examine

people their due rewards,

according to what their actions deserve" (Jeremiah 17:9,10 NLT).

"Remember how and

testing

LORD your God

the

through the wilderness

for forty years,

you

led

humbling you

you to prove your character, and to find

out whether or not you would really obey his com-

mands" (Deuteronomy

"The LORD your God ahead of you

away

all at

by

little

once, for

8:2 NLT). will drive those nations out

You

little. if

you

would multiply too quickly

will

not clear them

did, the wild

for

animals

you" (Deuteronomy

7:22 NLT).

Too much freedom given too

quickly, before we've mastered

the art of submission, leaves us vulnerable for the "wild beasts" of excess and lack of discipline to devour us.

winning a

large

sum

oi money. Often the

It's

money

because the person wasn't prepared to deal with or she

Even

had no

Jesus

poor person

like a

soon spent

is

it

properly.

He

prior experience dealing with sizable finances.

had

to submit.

He

submitted to separation from His

heavenly Father unto death in order to gain the blessing of all of us being delivered too,

had

from

sin, liberated to

become His

to learn obedience through the things that

(Hebrews

bride.

He

He,

suffered

5:8).

Speaking of Jesus, repeated phrase

let's

on the

talk about Mary, His mother.

street in response to

"Blessed and highly favored!" But

let's

"How

An often-

are you?"

is

take a closer look at those

The S trength of Vulnerability

words. This

is

not a sentence to fling around

qualify for blessing

assume that

How

and favor?

God did an

did

lightly.

Mary

How does one

qualify? Don't

so special to

God?

you

title?

What was

God.

about her that made her

Mary was submitted, completely

First of all,

yielded and available to

it

woman in So how did

every

all,

dreamed of being the mother o{ the Redeemer.

Mary win the coveted

87

in-depth character study before selecting

the mother for His only begotten Son? After Israel

1

When

the angel told her that she

would bear a son and explained to her how

would happen

it

without the help of a natural man, Mary's response was,

"I

am the

May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38 Niv). Another translation says, "I am the Lord's slave' (emphasis added). That's how yielded she was. No ego stood between her Lord's servant.

and God. She simply believed

When

she went to

visit

Him and

yielded to His word.

her cousin Elizabeth with the news of

her pregnancy, Elizabeth told

Mary

that she was blessed because

she believed God's promises.

Mary was fear

also blessed

and highly favored because she did not

man's opinion of her obedience to God. Mary's pregnancy

could have gotten her in big trouble. She was a single betrothed, or engaged, to Joseph.

him

in

How many people

to the concept that she

Even Joseph couldn't quietly put her

were going to be

had conceived of the Holy Ghost?

quite swallow that at

first.

away so she wouldn't be stoned

the angel confirmed the story. it

yet joined with

matrimony; therefore, she could have been accused of

adultery. Let's get real here.

open

She was not

woman

From

this story,

He

thought to

to death, until

you can see that

doesn't pay to fear man's opinion and ignore God's direction.

Not long ago I saw an zine that caught

that

my eye.

article in a

well-known women's maga-

In the article, one of the interviewees said

God had forced Himself on Mary, taken her womb, and done

—

as

Woman

The Power of Being a

188

He pleased with it. I was highly offended by this person's gross

misjudgment of God's character, reference to the Scriptures.

His

He

side.

invites us to

beginning of time,

God

is

come and

sit at

He knew how each

willing.

Her

He woos

a gentleman.

Him, and He regulated His purposes

Mary would be

obvious error in

as well as the

us to

His table. Before the

heart would respond to

He knew

accordingly.

willingness,

that

mixed with other wonan

derful traits of character that she possessed, earned her

appointment with world.

that would change the course of the

No, there was no coercion present

why submission

the reason

God

God

is

even an

issue

in this matter. This

—

it

is

must be voluntary.

about to force anyone to do anything. That would be

isn't

own Word, which He cannot do. He has made us all free agents. If God were in the business of wringing our arms behind our backs and forcing us to do exactly as He pleased, going against His

we would not even be examining mission

is

not only a

Sometimes

strength.

Why? Because of

test of it is

find

it

our love for Him,

it is

see or

how much we

interesting to note that

of this. After she married Joseph,

Mary had

a

that instruction was given to go

to return.

What

neck

and

I

roll,

think

where. see."

more

I

I

if

It

we know.

understanding

full

God gave Joseph

—not Mary

It

was to Joseph

down to Egypt to protect the

life

was to Joseph that the word was given when

Mary had gotten an

said,

so, regardless

think

the directions concerning what they should do.

of the Christ child.

a test of our

hard to submit, but submit we must.

always in our best interest to do

it is

what our eyes seem to I

the topic oi submission. Sub-

"Now, looka here!

attitude, I

just

done a

sister-girl

had the Son of God!

He didn't tell me to go anymy baby home for my friends and family to

hear from God, too, and

want

to take

She could have claimed spiritual sensitivity.

to

have more experience with God,

But she didn't do

that.

She submitted

The S trength of Vulnerability

to her husband's leadership.

As

So

get this straight.

89

she yielded to his lead, their lives

were preserved and her Son was let's

1

up

world to

see.

the Lord spoke to Mary,

He

lifted

When

also spoke to her fiance to confirm

for all the

what He had

told her. But

when He spoke to Joseph, He did not backtrack to Mary to qualify what He had said. I think I'll just leave that one hanging in the air for a moment. Kinda makes you go hmm, doesn't it?

On

second thought,

you who would department. firm

it

I'd

like to

better clarify this point for those of

claim amnesia in the understanding

When God speaks a word to a woman, He will conNow, you

in the spirit of the person in authority over you.

might be one of those ultrasensitive-in-the-spirit messages from

God way

folks

who

in advance. Just because your mate, your

mean

boss, or your pastor hasn't gotten the message yet doesn't

they can't hear God.

gets

It

might be a timing thing. Remember,

Joseph had a dream about something that didn't happen for years. His family couldn't see it

it

time he shared

at the

it

with them, but

most certainly came to pass according to God's appointed

So that man's

timetable.

may be God

him

using

inability to

to slow

hear what you're hearing

you down until

really

it's

run with the plan He's given you. Sometimes we entirely too

much.

We

time to

women

drown out the voice of the Holy

talk

Spirit.

When we get a word or a revelation from God, we need to learn how

to birth that thing in prayer until those in authority hear

from

God

heard.

themselves and

Then

they'll

our reins. This

is

credit for hearing

what they've

rather than tightening is

no need

to claim the

it first.

Mary had

Son, and then submit life

to us to share

assist us

not a contest, so there

Last but not least,

entire

come

be ready to

—or

to ultimately submit to her

release

—her Son back

to

was a testament to the blessing of submission

own

God. Her

—

to

God,

— The Power of Being a

190

Woman

to His divine purposes, to her mate, to her Son. Single ried

women

fruit of

this. God wants to He wants you to bear gifts,

be encouraged by

alike should

one of you.

birth Jesus in every single

namely the

the Spirit, to the world that change the

courses of the lives around you, but this will only as

you submit. Then you,

Though God not

too, will

to fruition

do not be deceived

Some

cost.

wrapped in favor paper, and these willingness to live a submitted

come

be blessed and highly favored.

blessings for free,

come without

blessings

all

some

gives

and mar-

special ones

are expensive.

on every

life

They

come

cost your

level.

A Time to Speak and a Time to Be Silent "So does

this

mean

that

women

just

walk around never

voicing an opinion about anything, Michelle?" you

hear you, thing.

I

hear you.

The time

When He

Of course not,

says, "Tell it,"

silly!

is

when

He

will

to speak

chapter,

I

ask.

I

There's a time for every-

the Lord

tells

you to speak.

have your back. The

Bathsheba comes to mind here. As lier

may

story of

shared with you in an ear-

David was dying and one of his other sons had taken

over the throne. Nathan the prophet came to Bathsheba and told her she

needed to speak with David immediately. She

needed to put him in remembrance of his promise that Solomon

would be the one to succeed him on the throne. Nathan told her

when

to go

and

said that

he would show up while she was

speaking with the king to confirm what she was saying.

still

And

so

she went, knowing she didn't have to hit David over the head

with a

hammer

because

God was behind

her.

reminded David of his promise, and while she was

Nathan showed up

made

to reinforce

sure the matter

what she was

She gently

still

saying.

was taken care of right away.

speaking,

David then

The S trength of Vulnerability

191

In the thirteenth chapter of Judges, the angel of the Lord

appeared to Samson's mother, giving her personal instructions for the Nazarite

When she went to tell

son she was about to bear.

her husband what had happened, he then prayed and asked to return with further instructions

on how

God

to care for the child.

The Lord honored his prayer and returned to confirm what his wife had told him. Once again, this illustrates that God will back up a

woman when He

need to pray

Women

men to the Spirit of God. of God speaking to them, the

for the sensitivity of their

The more men more they

has given her a word to speak.

grasp the reality

will respect

you when you come bearing a word from

the Lord. Elizabeth's husband, Zechariah,

the Lord and told that his wife would

was visited by the angel of

become pregnant with John

the Baptist. Because he and Elizabeth were well years,

Zechariah couldn't believe

would not be able to speak again

it.

The

down

angel told

the road in

him

that he

until the day the promise

to pass. Immediately Zechariah was struck

came

dumb. Elizabeth

became pregnant and had the baby, just as the angel Gabriel had said.

When asked what she would name the baby, The people disagreed, should be named after his

the people, "John." that the child

her husband's counsel,

wrote the

Elizabeth told

voicing their opinion

Upon seeking Elizabeth was backed up when Zechariah

name "John" on

father.

a tablet. Immediately his

mouth was

opened, and he began praising God.

What's the moral of the story? Though in

this case, the angel

did not go to Elizabeth but rather to her husband, there's

something to be learned here.

still

When Zechariah could not believe

the word of the Lord concerning his wife, the Lord shut his

mouth. The Lord arrest

if

is

well able to put the

he hinders God's move

in your

man life

in your

life

under

with his actions or

Woman

The Power of Being a

192

words of unbelief.

It is

not your job to convince him of what

God

down to him when he doesn't get it. There's no need to tell him he needs to get saved or become spiritually deeper. If it was God who spoke to you, He is able to follow through on His own word and do whatever it takes to bring that said or to talk

man

into agreement while

He

word

brings His

to fruition.

You

simply need to remain in the right attitude of graciousness and

let

God fix the situation for you. To move ahead of that man's agreement will set you up for deception and all sorts of trouble. God will now have to stop what He's doing and fix you because you're out of order. You can end up holding up your own blessing, so be sure to stay in the right attitude.

When God tells you to speak, He has no problem being your enforcer.

You won't have

demand your

to

and sweetly make your request known that

way.

You can simply

like Esther did

man move mountains on your behalf.

I

man friend of mine always said to me, "Whenever I something and you so sweetly go along with what something to

my heart.

It

makes me want

everything you want! You are such a

At

the time

him, but

I

I

didn't understand

do now.

demned by my felt safe

of his

him

I

trusted

in failure

to learn in front of

manhood

God's leading.

I

in the process.

allowed

him

him

this

for

I

any of my female

of respect.

We

I

don't always

say, it

I

does

shower you with really like that."

was such a big deal to threatened or con-

feel

and celebrating

me because He felt that

his victories.

never stripped him

I

trusted

him

to experience whatever

own

own

I

to hear

he needed

personal journey so

gave him the room to do that friends.

ask you to do

to see the error of his

to experience within the realm of his

that he could grow.

to just

woman.

never made him

attitude.

ways, encouraging

He

I

why

and watch

recall that a gentle-

just as

I

would

We all deserve to be given that type know

every detail of what

God

is

The

trying to

must address here two of the most poorly

inter-

let

around

Him do

us.

Therefore,

His thing.

preted Scriptures of all time. You

women

93

to get

in those

out of the way and I

1

we need

work out

Of course,

Strength of Vulnerability

know the ones

—the ones about

being silent in the church. Let's look at them carefully

we?

together, shall

"For

God

is

not a

God of disorder but of peace. As women

in all the congregations of the saints,

should remain silent in the churches.

They

are not

allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the

Law

says. If

they want to inquire about something,

own husbands at home; for it woman to speak in the church"

they should ask their is

(1

disgraceful for a

Corinthians 14:33-35 Niv).

"A woman mission.

I

should learn in quietness and

do not permit a

woman

have authority over a man; she must be

Adam

was formed

first,

not the one deceived;

sub-

full

to teach or to silent.

For

then Eve.

was

was the

And Adam woman who

was

it

deceived and became a sinner" (1 Timothy 2:11-

Hniv). Now, now,

ladies,

calm down! I'm getting ready to

you. Let us look at the context of Paul's statement. finished giving the Corinthian church a

duct during their services. talking

all

fix this for

He had

just

rundown on orderly con-

He had found

that everyone was

over one another. Everyone had a prophecy, a song, a

revelation, a tongue,

an interpretation, an instruction. Everyone

was so excited about

all

these

new

spiritual gifts

and revelations

they were having that they were being downright rude to one another!

The women, who had not been

formally trained in

The Power of Being a

194

Woman

matters of the Bible up to this point, were thrilled to finally be into this arena.

They were

realized that they

As they

excited, too.

had things

learned they

to share along with a lot of ques-

many of the women were beginning they grasped this new information. Keep

tions. In addition to this,

men as

challenge the

mind

that in Corinthian society,

men

confront still

new

in public.

in their faith

Now,

found

questions and challenging told the

women

among As

those

who

for the

it

to in

women had not been allowed to

finally,

they were

some of the

new freedom so

as

But those

free.

disconcerting to see

women asking

teachings. Therefore, Paul

to ask these questions at

advantage of their

let

home and

to not take

not to cause consternation

weren't yet grounded in the faith.

second passage, again

I

must

Paul was

clarify that

speaking about a specific church that was having a lot of trouble.

The Ephesian church had a problem with an influx of false teachers. The women of the church seemed to be most susceptible to the false teachings because they

had not yet acquired enough

Bible knowledge to be able to discern the truth.

they were

all

baby Christians

At

this point,

who had not been privy to studying

the Scriptures before now. Yet here they were challenging those

who had been

studying for years and in some cases were pro-

moting false teachers and revelations that were in

had

a

first,

to

The men

—

Adam women needed

jump start on them (mirroring the order of creation

then Eve,

sit

error!

who was deceived);

down and

learn from those

therefore, the

who were

them without disputing what they heard. can be dangerous. These

qualified to teach

A little bit of knowledge

women needed to acquire

the

full

truth

along with understanding, experience, and Christian maturity.

The word

"silent" here in the

quietness and composure.

Greek expresses an

A different word

cate complete silence. These

women

also

is

attitude of

used to communi-

seemed

to be

having

The Strength of Vulnerability

an

issue

195

about wearing inappropriate clothing. This was a situa-

tion where abuses of new freedom were abundant and

became

corrected. This increasingly as

a

had

to be

problem across the board

churches began to spring up, causing this to become a universal

mandate

to

women everywhere.

Timothy not

to put

any of the

Therefore, Paul was instructing

women

in leadership positions

because of their inexperience and susceptibility to deception.

Everyone was clamoring

for leadership positions in the

Ephe-

sian church, so Paul took the time to lay out the requirements for all

of

them everywhere. Based on

their behavior,

—even with the men—

painstakingly clear rity,

he made

it

that Christian matu-

sound moral character, and a pure and blameless

life

coupled

with great faith and sound doctrine were requirements that could

not be negotiated.

1/

cannot be feminine in

world unless

this

^/you completely understand how covered by

God you are. Then you will no to

men, but respond

to

His voice.

Paul was noway, nohow, saying that

allowed to speak in church.

How

longer react

women

could he

when

should not be earlier in the

same

letter to the

ship,

he addressed the matter of women praying and prophesying

in public?

Corinthians, giving instruction for public wor-

.

The Power of Being a

196

"And

every

woman who

Woman

prays or prophesies with

—

her head uncovered dishonors her head as

though her head were shaved.

If

it is

woman

a

just

does

not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off;

and

if it is

a disgrace for a

hair cut or shaved

off,

woman

to

have her

she should cover her head.

.

.

For this reason, and because o{ the angels, the

woman head" Let's face

ought to have a sign of authority on her Corinthians 11:5,6,10 Niv).

(1

it

—she wasn't prophesying

on

what's going

here.

Does Paul

to herself.

really instruct

their heads as a sign that they are

So you

women

women

don't think so! Paul

I

me

to cover

under authority when they

pray and prophesy in public, and then turn around and

not to speak in church?

tell

knew

them

tell

too

many

holding substantial positions in churches to have this

women were doing anything responsible, interact with and relegate to men as well as women.

type of attitude.

they had to

If

these

We know that Priscilla,

along with her husband, Aquila, taught

Apollos. Phoebe was a deaconess. Mary, Tryphena, and Tryphosa

labored hard for the Lord. Euodia and Syntyche worked side by side with Paul,

The note

I

contending

for the faith.

must make here had

leadership positions

that

just

pastor as

dangerous.

I

travel

When

I

in Christ to

I

I

whom they were

in

am under the authority of

make

make

I

sure

a

breakthrough in

run I

it

by

spiritual under-

my pastor and other mature

have received the understanding

balance and harmony with the Scriptures.

check before

in

and speak. To go out uncovered would be

standing in a certain area,

men

women

of these

hanging out in the wind, run-

ning off to minister uncovered. Even

my

all

a visible authority to

They were not

submission.

is

I

check and

in

cross-

go sprinting off to deliver the Word, no matter

The Strength of Vulnerability

how wonderful

it

might sound to me. Remember,

ones the serpent targets of influence

orah

we

as judge

first

possess.

over

for

women are the

deception because of the power

Remember when God appointed DebShe was

Israel?

still

a

woman

in submission.

God place a women from speaking in church? This would be a great contradiction. No, God has given women too much to say, too many incredible revelations to share, But

this brings

woman

them

to subject I

up another interesting point. Would

as leader of a nation,

must

then ban

to silence.

interject here that

women can deliver everything that

God has given them to deliver while still maintaining their fem-

We are not to "dress" like men, in the sense of feeling that we have to be like men when we get up to deliver a message. We ininity.

have our own unique way of serving things up that effective.

There

is

no need

for

preach a man, or even preach the Word.

When

the food

is

you to like a

feel that

is

extremely

you have to out-

man. You must simply give

good, people eat. In this no one

offended. Paul was merely saying that at the end of the day, crucial that

women

or, in

same Paul who Jew, okay?

some

cases,

So

were

let's

not blame unclear under-

overblown egos on Paul. This

said that there

Women

God had given

is

the

was no male or female, Greek or

free to

lift

up the body with the

gifts

them, in an orderly fashion. However, they were

not to challenge the

men

in public or teach others

had not acquired enough knowledge to do an is

is

was

remained under the protective covering of

authority even in this area.

standing

it

when

effective job.

they

There

a time and a place for everything in order to keep the peace.

That doesn't even have makes good

to be straight from the Bible.

So when should you be differ

with a

It just

sense.

man

silent?

You should be

in a public setting, or

silent

when you

when your disagreement

1

The Power of Being a Woman

98

makes that man vulnerable and

family.

ever, there

to ruin or disgrace before his peers

Howthan when a

This should apply to anyone, male or female. is

nothing more degrading and pathetic

woman goes off on a man and embarrasses him in public. No one likes to see a henpecked man or a man disgraced by a woman in a crowd. In the

before

all

book of Esther, Queen Vashti did just

of you

protest, let

who

think that

me have my

say.

I

Queen Vashti was

Now,

that.

right begin to

understand that the tradition of

A woman was not to show herself to men in public the way her husband wanted her to show herself. I know that he was drunk and therefore considered to be out of the day was on her side.

mind when he made the

his

request.

I

know

that Vashti recog-

nized his request as a serious breach of protocol and refused to go

on

principle.

but

—

I

know

all

of that, but

—and

that

is

a resounding

Vashti was wrong. She was right in motive, but wrong in

action. This

is

what separates the unfeminine women from the

feminine women. You cannot be feminine in this world unless

you completely understand how covered by

you

will

You

ment

—

no longer

react to

God

you

men, but respond to His

voice.

will master the art of timing, speech, inflection,

you name

it, it

all

Then

are.

move-

plays a part in the bottom-line resolu-

tion to a situation.

Knowing how a

protective

shadow of a doubt that

made her way

if

God

is

o(

women,

I

can say beyond

Vashti had donned her royal robes and

to the palace out of obedience to her husband,

something would have happened to save her from disgracing herself.

Someone would have spoken some

he would have had broken out

a

at the party

moment

sense into the king,

o{ remorse, a

and dispersed the crowd.

fire .

would have

.something!

God

can use anything, and something surely would have happened.

So though Vashti went

for honor, she publicly

dishonored her

The S trength of Vulnerability

1

99

husband and was dethroned. She demanded respect and was banished from those from

whom

she

demanded

it.

She was the

women of the country. They were not going to go home to

queen. She was the trendsetter for

The men were not having it. wives who would now feel that

if

the

all

the queen got away with such

obvious, blatant disrespect, they could, too.

Though God used

the whole situation to put Esther in place to save a nation, Vashti seriously missed the point.

sonal world.

It

The

issue

went

far

beyond her

affected the kingdom.

"Everyone must submit [themselves] to the governing authorities, for there

is

no authority except

which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is that

rebelling against

who do

those selves. right,

so

what God has instituted, and will bring judgment on them-

For rulers hold no terror for those

but for those

who do

Do you want to Then do commend you.... There-

who do

wrong.

be free from fear of the one in authority?

what fore,

is

right

it is

and he

will

necessary to submit to the authorities, not

only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience" (Romans 13:1-3,5 Niv).

"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that

would be of no advan-

tage to you" (Hebrews 13:17 Niv).

"Submit yourselves

for the Lord's sake to every

authority instituted

among men: whether

to the

king, as the supreme authority, or to governors,

per-

The Power of Being a

200

who

are sent by

wrong and it is

to

him

Woman

to punish those

commend

those

who do

who do

right.

For

God's will that by doing good you should

silence the ignorant talk of foolish as servants of

men

Live

God. Show proper respect

to

everyone" (1 Peter 2:13-17 Niv). Well, you could say that the king and Vashti were both

ungodly people. The king was not

spiritually sensitive.

not have been open to God's correction.

same king up

early

God was able to get this

one morning to bring to

had not rewarded Mordecai

for

He would

his attention that

uncovering a plot against his

he

life.

God was able to arrest this same king from handing down a death sentence

when

Esther did the opposite of Vashti, violating his

law and appearing to him

when

she had not been bidden. So

while you're worrying about some

little

man, don't

ole

tell

me

who's really in control.

"The

king's heart

directs

it

like a

is

in the

hand of the LORD; he

watercourse wherever he pleases"

(Proverbs 21:1 Niv). "In his heart a

man plans his

course, but the

LORD

determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9 Niv).

"Many

are the plans in a man's heart, but

it is

the

Lord's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21 Niv).

So

there!

Anyone

still

think you have to arm wrestle and

grow hair on your chest in order to have your say? Just

I

think not.

remember, when you walk in submission, the person

your covering

is

held responsible for you.

under that covering, you are the one walking

down

the street

If

who

who

is

you walk out from

will get wet.

I

love

next to a good, old-fashioned man. He

The S trength of Vulnerability

always walks on the outside.

If your

201

position shifts

when you turn

the comer, he politely guides you back to the inside of the side-

Why? So that if a passing vehicle splashes up water, he will be the one who gets wet instead of you. That's the idea of submission. He should get wet, not you. I realize that you have been doing things your own way for a walk.

long time, and though you are weary, letting go sition.

But

let

go you must. Let go of the

reins.

is

a scary propo-

Let go of the idea

that you must control everything in your world or nothing will

happen. Let go of the concept that you have to be tough in order

and influence people.

to gain respect

your

soft,

warm, wise, feminine

It's

self

just

and

not still

true.

You can be

get everything

accomplished. Appeal to the heart of the one in authority, don't

demand. As a matter of fact, the more feminine you assistance half!

you

will get

Have you ever noticed how

pile of

mush and

sheepishly grin

saved your day? Try little

from the men. Your work

it

quickly

men

when you

tell

are,

will

God throw you do best

strut

be cut in

will turn into a

them how they

sometime; you'll be amazed.

Men

boys just waiting for a word of appreciation.

makes them

the more

are like

It literally

and bend over backwards to do more. So

let

His weight around while you just keep doing what

—being

all

woman.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband

is

head of the wife

head of the church, Savior.

Now

as the

his body, of

as Christ

which he

is

the

is

the

church submits to Christ, so

also wives should submit to their

husbands in

everything" (Ephesians 5:22-24 Niv).

There this:

is

a

little

"The man

is

proverb in Africa that goes something like

the head, the

woman

is

the neck, and wherever

Woman

The Power of Being a

202

the neck turns, the head turns.' shout, doesn't put

head goes with

up

a fuss;

The

halt.

The neck

.

tells

carries the

cord,

body can't function. The head

things!

The neck

is

definitely

head and encircles the

which

is

Now,

spine,

is

above them and

which encases the

It

spinal

your nerve center, responsible for making you

if

It

the source

underneath the head.

feel

your neck gets broken, that means death because

the connection between the head and the body

other vital organs reside

may

the

the rest of the body what to do.

ot productivity for all of the other limbs. It sits all.

And

extremely important.

is

brain-dead, everything comes to a screeching

is

rest of the

covers them

and

doesn't scream

just ever so gently. .turns.

Now, the head

it.

houses the hrain, which

When someone

it

1

—has been

severed.

— where the

So though the neck

look unimportant, nothing could be further from the truth.

And

let's

face

As we

it,

the neck gets to sport a lot of fabulous jewelry.

consider the connection o( the head to the rest of the

comes

bodv, a natural illustration

to mind.

Many a man has been

changed and made

socially presentable because of a

truth of the matter

is,

by working together of the

woman

is

cation that the

no all

part are

the man,"

man

is

less

made is

important than the other, but

strong.

The

phrase "The head

not about supremacy.

to be the source ot the

is

woman. The

It is

an

indi-

woman. After

all,

woman was taken out of man, the source of her existence, just as man is from Christ and Christ is from God. No kitchen can be filled

to

with

many cooks

have anything

can't get anything

less

all

dipping into the same pot and expect

than a mess

done with

all

as a result of the chaos.

chiefs

You

and no Indians. Someone

has to cast the decisive vote. Authority bears responsibility. This is

the boundary that forces the one in authority to

choices for

all

make good

involved. Authority makes things run smoothly.

Submission makes them run even smoother.

It is

not a matter of

.

,

The Strength of Vulnerability

inferior versus superior; tion. Jesus,

it is

203

simply a matter of order and func-

God the Father And that's the bottom line. Submission is

though equal with God, submitted to

in order to save us

all.

mutual commitment and cooperation to achieve the greater end.

And

my

that,

friend,

is

much

greater than

all

of us.

"Submit to one another out of reverence

for

Christ" (Ephesians 5:21 Niv).

Dear Heavenly

You for being my

Father, thank

covering.

As

my faith focused on You and not on the weakness of the arm of flesh. As my knowledge of You grows, strengthen my capacity to yield to authority, keeping in mind that in actuality I am yielding to You. As 1 am tempted to go my own way, do my own thing, and take matters into my own hands grant me a revelation I

rest

me

beneath Your care, help

to

keep

,

of You

my

sitting

life.

on

the throne,

Help me

me. Increase

my

still

to rest in the

trust in

You

in control of every area of

knowledge of Your care for

to

my fall when others my rear guard, to

break

me down. As 1 look to You to be me when to speak and when to be silent, please show up on my behalf. And in the times when I hold my peace grant me a visitation of Your Spirit to assuage my fears let

instruct

Lord,

I

want

to be the

woman You

have called

me

to be,

completely available and yielded to You, to Your direction, for the completion of

Your purposes and Your ultimate

Lord, here

ami, an empty

Yourself as

I

surrender

my

vessel. all to

glory.

Come and fill me

with

You. In Jesus' name.

Amen.

The Power of Being a

204

1.

Where must

2.

What

is

married

your faith

the order

woman? As

3.

Why

4.

What do we have

is

God

lie

Woman

in the area of submission?

has set up for us to submit as a

a single?

submission not a passive stand?

trouble believing

when

it

comes

to

submission?

5.

What makes this

6.

a

man force

his will

on

a

woman? How can

be diffused?

What

three things often stand in the

submitting?

way oi us

The Strength of Vulnerability

7.

What do we need

to submit to before

205

we can move on

to

the next stage of blessing?

8.

What

does too

much freedom

given too quickly leave us

vulnerable to?

9.

When two people God

speak to?

are involved in a situation,

Who will He confirm His direction to?

10.

When

11.

What do women need

is it

whom does

time to speak?

When should we be silent?

to pray for in the lives of their

men?

12.

Why

is it

hands?

possible to release your

What must you do

in the

husband into God's

meantime?

The Power of Being a

206

13.

Why did Paul admonish women to be silent in church? What was

14.

What

the situation in the church at the time?

does

"dress" like

15.

Woman

What

God mean when he

says

women

are not to

men?

four things does every

woman need

to master in

order to bring resolution to a situation?

16.

What must you

appeal to

when

seeking help from one in

authority?

17.

What

is

the role of the head and the neck?

this play out in a relationship

How does

between a man and

woman?

18.

What

are your issues or fears concerning submission?

The Strength of Vulnerability

19.

In what ways can you practice trusting

207

God more

in your

interactions with those in authority?

20.

What

are the conjoined advantages of authority

mission?

and

sub-

EIGHT

3

he spun her web carefully

methodically artistically

entrapping his mind

watching him pulled between his

flail

own

in indecision

instincts

and her suggestions he tossed amidst the

silky threads

that grew tighter

with every inner protest

and she watching from

afar

gazed at her creation trusting that

wisdom of her words soon enough

the

and

he would see

just as she

thought

time to

it

and claim her

move

in

prizes

her foot became caught in her

own

snare

crying out for help

she realized too late the help she sought was also entrapped

rendered useless by her

own hands

gazing at one another across the distance of their predicament

they watched one another die separate deaths

slowly painfully

amidst misunderstandings

and a million

regrets

210

.

.

he not being strong enough

for

to

keep her from her

own

ruin

she for

not letting go of the reins

and grasping his

his

hands instead

hands

now seemed further away than own determinations

that

ever

constrained by her losing the feeling her as

she realized

power they once had.

own

.

strength dissipating

she watched the color drain from his fingertips

all

too late

that webs of manipulation

though beautiful in the making were the most deceptive of all their delicate lattice

work

quickly transforming into iron prisons that

bound both and victim

"victor"

the chasm of betrayal too broad to afford

them the comfort

of one another's solace

as they quietly died inside

too tired to fight too ashamed of their in this

own participation

most shameful demise

they closed their eyes

and dreamed of better days as

she concluded that webs were best to the

211

left

work of spiders.

.

^/

{^erodias paced back and forth across the floor o{ her

chambers, her agitation growing with each impact of her shoes on the

tiles,

drown out the words of John the

proclaiming her sins for ness.

all

Why her husband,

The harsh

resounding to the outer corridor,

only heightened the angry cadence of her heart to

step.

—but not enough

Baptist. His strident voice

to hear practically drove her to

mad-

Herod, wouldn't silence him once and

was beyond

her.

Herod

actually was intrigued by

so-called prophet

had

to say!

She was not amused. She did not

for all

thought of hearing

relish the

take her from his

own

how

brother. If

dreadful

it

was

for

what

this

Herod

he thought she had been

to

pla-

cated by his imprisonment, she most certainly had not! She bit

her bottom

lip

thoughtfully and her eyes scoured the room, as

seeking some solution from tries that

draped the

Herod

have that

to

interior.

man

among

if

the folds of the rich tapes-

She had

to find a

executed. She wanted

way

him

to convince

dead.

Any-

thing short of this was unacceptable. Perhaps by the end of dinner, find a

when

way

Herod's

to coax

him

Herod was indeed watched

spirits

had been

lifted

by wine, she could

into granting her strongest desire. in high spirits that evening. Herodias

his eyes lustfully

wander toward her daughter more than 212

The Power of Influence

once dias,

as the

evening matured.

If

213

Herod thought that

she,

Hero-

would allow herself to be replaced by her own daughter, he

had another thing coming. But

as she

watched

this subtle under-

current flow throughout the evening, a plan formed in her mind.

No, she would not be replaced by her daughter, but she most tainly

would not be above using her daughter

wanted. She that he

knew Herod. She knew what he

made

rash promises

lection of facts was

enough

when he was

for

what she

to get liked.

cer-

She knew

inebriated. This col-

her to formalize her scheme. She

gestured for her daughter to draw close, then whispered a suggestion into her ear.

(_^yhe is

gift

of influence

the invisible

that

She had been trained

women

well,

power

overlook.

Herodias thought, as she watched

her daughter dance before the king. Even now, a glaze was coming across Herod's eyes as his eyelids

grew heavy with

desire.

Sensing

the intensity of Herodias' gaze upon him, he snapped out of his lascivious stupor to proclaim that

he was so pleased with the per-

formance that he would give his stepdaughter up to half the kingdom.

What would she have? So she, having been previously

prompted by her mother,

replied,

"The head of John the

Baptist."

4

2

The Power of Being a

1

There!

was done! Where there

It

is

Woman

a will, there

is

a

way

to get

what you want.

How

was Herodias to know that silencing the voice of one

man would never silence her own desperate spirit? Though John the Baptist was now dead, her guilt was still alive and well. Many more

sleepless nights

would she spend pacing back and forth

her chambers, wrestling with demons that were

ening than the accusations of the nation of sin has a

The Way

Who

of a

of

life

its

far

more

in

fright-

condem-

late prophet, for the

own.

Woman

can say when

it

really starts? I've

watched

my

niece at

the tender age of five months old completely wrap her father

around her finger with one gorgeous smile.

A grown man turned

mush before my very eyes, and I think to

myself, "Something's

to

going on here." Boy,

woman!

Is

women?

this

Is it

if

I

could bottle this magic,

power we possess inherently part of who we

a word, the iron will oi a

With one

whole room

glance, a

A

stops.

was a lovely

pulted the civil rights

How about

it

is

little

woman

movement

more powerful than

know

office, so ical

on

melts away.

a bus

into action.

It

can

who

Why?

cata-

Because

authority. is

a heart thing.

Think

A cop can stand in the middle of the road and

that the cop

is

an authority

they yield to his authority.

power

are as

taught?

the atrocities of seg-

sitting

can that be? Because influence this way.

all

put his hand up for cars to stop, and they comply.

people

it

woman's influence can make or break a man.

it

influence

man

is

One touch has sent armies

turn the tide of a nation's destiny. After regation,

Or

part of our nature via the fall?

Without speaking

to war.

would be a rich

I

to stop the cars, but

He

figure.

Why? Because

They respect his

does not have the phys-

he does have the

positional

The Power of Influence

authority to bring

them

to a halt.

215

However,

if

someone

those cars decided they didn't feel like stopping, influence of

someone

to convince

them

it

in

one of

would take the

otherwise.

Get the

dif-

ference?

The look

gift

—the

of influence

the invisible power that

man

ability to affect the heart of a

mind. The heart

his

is

is

the originator of

in order to

change

decisions.

all

"For as he thinks in his heart, so

women over-

he" (Proverbs

is

23:7 NKJV).

"As water the

reflects a face, so a

man" (Proverbs 27:19

man's heart

reflects

Niv).

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,

and the

evil

man brings

evil

things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out

of the overflow of his heart his

mouth

speaks"

(Luke 6:45 Niv). Influence nature.

If

is

overlooked because we are credit-mongers by

we could

just get

over the need to claim the credit for

everything that takes place,

than we ever dreamed.

would see our wishes

If

we would be

we could

fulfilled

able to achieve

stop arguing over

more

we

titles,

and reap appropriate recompense

When we free people to make their own choice us, it releases them to render praise. No farmer

and appreciation. to

acknowledge

manipulates the ground until the seed he planted breaks through the soil and bears gives

the

it

time and

air to

fruit bursts forth

are blessed by is

fruit.

it,

do

its

—the

praising

with the heart of

He

man

plants the seed, lovingly waters thing,

fruit

and

voila! In the right season,

he wanted! Others partake and

him for planting or

it,

a

good crop.

And so it

anyone we choose to influence.

We

6

The Power of Being a

21

Woman

must be willing to lovingly plant the right things in the heart, nourish the

spirit

without pressure, and then stand back and see

the right decisions burst forth from that person. Isn't that what

you

really

want?

Unfortunately,

o{ the

all

the power of this secret

been misused. Influence

and manifest ulated

Herod

itself in

to get

willing to kill

to

have grasped

of influence, and the

no time should overstep

its

gift

has

boundaries

the form of manipulation. Herodias manip-

what she wanted.

imprisoned him in the like

weapon

at

John the

what John was

wrong people seem

Baptist.

first

As

Herod was not

Originally,

a matter of fact, he only

place to placate Herodias.

saying, but

He did not

he was willing to give him credit

He had enough good sense to know that you don't go messing with a man of God. Now Herod was in a fix. He had made a loud and extravagant promise to give the daughter of Herodias whatever she wanted. He could not rescind

for

being a prophet of God.

his promise in front of all the people.

was sorry he had to

kill

The

John the Baptist.

Herod

Bible says that

He was

trapped by his

own wife. Even worse, Herodias not only used her own daughter what she wanted, but she

also taught her daughter

how

to get

to be a

manipulator. This was not setting the groundwork for a healthy relationship between them.

The manipulated

always become

embittered toward the manipulators because the manipulated always

come out

the losers. After getting the head oi John the

Baptist for her mother, herself?

what did the daughter have

to

show

for

She had blown her whole wad on something her mother

wanted. So

momma

was happy, but what about daughter? She

could have walked away with a new wardrobe, some beautiful jewelry, a parcel oi land

to

come. But, no,

all

—something she could

she had was a bloody head

treasure for years

on

a platter that

The Power of Influence

111

And so it is with manipulation. The end result is usually a wash. No one ends up with anything lasting for no one wanted

to keep.

themselves in the long run. After Herodias got her coveted head,

do you think she

felt

blood of John the Baptist on her hands on top of things she was battling. There is

better than sacrifice,

rebellion

Manipulation bless

soulish

is

the other

all

"To obey

in this story. fat

the

of rams. For

and stubbornness

is

as.

.

.idol-

Kjv).

likened to witchcraft, and

because manipulation

it

no winner

and to hearken than the

Samuel 15:22,23

atry" (1

is

as the sin of witchcraft,

is

now had

any better? Of course not. She

is

God

will

never

an attempt to control through

means someone or something over which you don't have

authority.

Manipulation

strikes at the heart of

man

through

intimidation or seduction, thus coercing subjects to respond

according to your desire and against their

fits

and the

All are works of the flesh. Witchcraft it

forces

than God's.

If

someone

idolatry,

of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions,

factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies,

because

Rebellion and

—debauchery,

witchcraft run with the same bedfellows hatred, discord, jealousy,

will.

to

bend

is

like (Galatians 5:20).

compared

to rebellion

to another person's will other

the desire of your heart

is

truly of

able to birth agreement in the other person's

God, He

spirit.

a clear indication that either your desire

is

well

For you to set

up circumstances, manipulating situations to get your way,

yet time for your wish to be granted.

is

not of God or

To move ahead

is

only

it is

of

not

God

always creates problems only seen in hindsight.

Oh, What a Tangled Web In order to understand

and to

We Weave

how much God despises manipulation come upon our lives when we

realize the curses that

choose to operate in

this fashion, let's take a look at

good ole

^

8

2

Woman

The Power of Being a

1

Queen

Jezebel.

She

is

the personification of manipulation. She

would make manipulation look good weren't so bad.

the end of the matter

if

We would all high-five one another and say she

was a bad ma'ama- jamah

for getting

her

man what he

wanted,

if

only she hadn't been so deceitful. People got hurt. People died!

And

the judgment of God

friend got a

little

fell

too busy for

You know the

story.

named Naboth who had

upon her house. All because all

who were

Once upon

involved.

a time there was a

man

a vineyard near the palace. Jezebel's hus-

band, Ahab, decided that he would like to have this to

girl-

extend his grounds, so he made Naboth an

field in order

offer.

Naboth

declined the offer because the vineyard was the inheritance of his

was to be passed down through the generations; there-

family.

It

fore,

was

tral

it

literally against

the law of God for

grounds. This he explained to Ahab, but

for the

law of God.

his way.

to sell ances-

Ahab cared nothing

He went off to pout because he couldn't have

When Jezebel noticed his despondent countenance, she

questioned his attitude, and

Ahab

exchange with Naboth. She found But a

him

woman with

ness of men. This

in turn told her about his

his response pathetic at best.

a manipulative spirit thrives

is

an open door

for

her to

on the

rise to

helpless-

the occasion

and take control. Masking her disdain, Jezebel assured her hus-

band he should not worry would take care of letter in

it.

And

his little royal

take care of

her husband's name, using his

of fasting be declared.

Naboth was

it

head any

further; she

she did. She wrote a

seal,

ordering that a day

to be seated prominently at

the gathering. Two scoundrels would then accuse him of cursing God and the king, which would lead to his stoning. This was carried out right away. And Jezebel calmly announced to the king that he could go and claim his

Naboth was

dead.

silly little

vineyard because

The Power of Influence

You know,

I

many delicious

little

this

liver. First

of

on, the Bible says he

Naboth

Even

refused his offer.

attitude was, well,

woman

who

went

down.

It's

but a

to his

wimp just

Jezebel couldn't believe

with a manipulative

this idiot

the same.

room and pouted

spirit

after

it.

Her

Him or you? Usu-

has no respect for the

person she decides to "help." In her mind, she

up another mess that

with too

talk about her hus-

all, let's

the king around here?

is

filled

makes modern-day divas of

morsels. Jezebel

Ahab was a wimp. An evil wimp,

Come

ally a

have to break

chopped

evil look like

band.

just

219

now

has to clean

has made. But she secretly likes

to see the person down-and-out.

She

will

even go so

far as to

plant seeds of disrespect in the hearts of others around the person in order to secure her position as controller.

She

will destroy the

reputation of her husband to clear the path for herself.

atmosphere that she can look as

No

if

set herself up as the rescuer.

It is

She

in this

likes to

she saved the day. This builds feelings of dependency.

one would dare replace

her,

even

if

they couldn't stand her,

because she's convinced them that they need her in order to function.

With

this

groundwork

laid,

she meticulously does her dirty

work beneath a cloak of behind-the-scenes deception. She use the

name

of the person she

is

will

"helping" to further her agenda.

This ensures that the fallout doesn't

fall

back on

her.

She plants

her seeds of dissension well, waters them with promises of reward or threats of retribution (whichever

view the

final

her hands,

How

outcome.

stifles

work

best),

and

sits

back to

When the explosion comes, she wipes off

a yawn,

and moves on.

.

.next!

does this manage to roam undetected in circles where

one would expect people to be more discerning? Because the

woman

with a manipulative

the outer

traits

spirit

is

usually

good

at mastering

of femininity as well as a very convincing

show

The Power of Being a

220

She surrounds

of being religious.

who

will speak

what she wants

Woman

herself with false prophets, those

She

to hear.

is

intimate with her

group of cronies, or so they are led to believe. But she

select

is

always in control of how close they really get to her because their

presence

This

is

why

is

prophets.

gone!

only convenient as long as they carry out her wishes.

when

Jezebel was furious

Elijah killed

She could not believe that her

They had

little

o{ her

elves were all

husband

assisted her in leading her

all

astray into

Baal worship. This was the completion of his abdication from his role as a husband.

He was no

position she could urge

him

to

had submitted himself to her represent

makes

a

all

longer priest, she was.

do

all

And

in that

manner of evil because he

spiritual leadership.

forms of idolatry or materialism.

Now, Baal can

When

a

woman

man feel that he has to deliver all sorts oi things he can't

afford in order to

win that woman's

led into dishonest

means

so that

respect,

he

will eventually

he can acquire

Notice that Jezebel was not against praying, part in any other outward religious shows.

be

she desires.

all

fasting, or taking

These things only

heightened her reputation for possessing great

spirituality,

when

in essence she hated all of these things in their pure form.

She

hated the true prophet of God, Elijah. She wanted him silenced.

He was messing up her agenda of deception. where she wanted them

—

until

he came along. Her husband

didn't give her a hard time because

became

So he walked

upset.

the peace.

man, he had

him

he feared her rage when she

agreement with her

Anyone know any husbands

Elijah off for a minute

killing

in

when

like that?

she threatened to

just finished calling

900 of

She'd had everyone

Jezebel's prophets,

down

fire

just to

keep

She even threw kill

him. Poor

from heaven and

and one threat from her sent

running. That type of caustic

spirit will

humble even the

— The Power of Influence

boldest all

man of God. The

that

of manipulation feels justified in

does.

it

And

spirit

221

let's

woman

not forget that the manipulative

is

not

above using her feminine wiles. She will pretty herself up with the best of them. Jezebel threw lavish banquets for her prophet

She knew that the way

cronies.

stomach. She covered

all

to a man's heart

her bases,

let

me

tell

is

through his

you.

You don't

think she had 850 prophets wrapped around her finger for

knew

nothing, do you? She was attractive, seductive, and she

how

to

work a man

Look again

she must.

if

Above

at the list o{ sins that

all,

she had

no

morals.

accompany manipulation

sexual immorality, drunkenness, debauchery, impurity, and orgies.

In

its

ceremonies, Baal worship included orgies as well as

rest of

the things

You might

on the

this in the present day, but

—a gorging of

consider anything in excess as an orgy so to speak.

Even

if it's

the

list.

no one does

say that

all

one's senses,

not totally carried out, having an

of las-

air

civiousness and using improper displays of sensuality to entice

men to bend to your wishes falls

into the

same category. The

sins

here are jealousy, envy, idolatry, and selfish ambition. Wanting

what does not belong

to

stage for manipulation.

expense of others, and tions,

and

conquer.

fits

God

you and thinking that

it

should

yourself

sets

happy

the

at the

results in hatred, discord, dissensions, fac-

of rage. Manipulation intimidates and divides to is

not pleased with any of these attitudes, and

deals very harshly with those

of behavior.

making

It justifies

Though

it

who

may work

insist

on

He

displaying this type

for a season, the final result

is

never pleasant. Jezebel got her way, but in the end she paid with the

life

who

of her husband, herself, and her generations of children

followed.

They

all

died ugly deaths, proving that your per-

sonal realm of control will not outlast your soul.

"He who

leads

Woman

The Power of Being a

222

the upright along an evil path will

fall

into his

own trap,

but the

blameless will receive a good inheritance" (Proverbs 28:10 Niv).

Taking Advantage of His Weakness Some of you are thinking to yourself that you don't know any women who are that evil You don't know any women who have a bevy of male lackeys following

beck and

call,

who weave

of soup. You're right stuff.

Delilah,

smooth

at

some sermons

more

as

bowl

a

subtle with their

"DeTie-yah," was real

—using

her hands, her body, and her perfume.

lips,

woman

thing.

slowly squeezing the strength. This

him

in

are a little

at their

stir

working her game. Her specialty was seduction

her eyes, her total

—some

known

them around, jumping

treachery as easily as they

is

It

was a

She drugged Samson with her femininity, life

out of him by extracting the secret of his

a classic example of using a man's secrets against

to further yourself. Delilah lived in the valley of Sorek.

word "Sorek" means "choice

look harmless enough, even pretty. But destroy the entire structure.

cement and devastate the

They can

walls with

can cover windows, shutting out Before you

know

it,

left

unchecked, they can

actually creep through

armor.

open

its

huge cracks and holes. They

all light

from the outside world.

the whole building has been claimed by what

appeared to be a harmless vine. In translation, a senseless

The

vines." Vines attached to a building

man

is

rendered

once you've worked your way between the cracks of his

When

he's lost his

discernment and can't

for all of his defenses to

crumble to

dust.

see, he's

He

is

wide

then a

sit-

ting target for destruction.

Delilah

knew

all

of this as she prepared her house with

incense and prepared herself with costly toiletries and seductive clothing.

She

carefully

planned her time with Samson

as she pre-

pared his favorite dishes and selected just the right wine for

The Power of Influence

dulling his senses.

of

womanly

naivete.

She was a master

at

223

mixing the perfect amount

expertise with the ideal proportion of childlike

She knew the combination could be So she fed him, stroked him, and

just right.

With visions of the

silver that

set

when

lethal

him up

had been promised

used

for the kill.

to her for deliv-

ering Samson's secret to the Philistines, she set to work.

poured on the

much his

flattery,

appealing to his ego, telling

strength impressed her.

she said, right?

And while

he

You can just imagine what

source o{ his

strength.

he humored her with a

who found was

false.

lie

—

a

Knowing he

lie

him

With

this,

weapon

—whining,

until

exploded in a

did,

Delilah stepped up her program. She had first

go-round, but

subtle at

then building in insistence

first,

classic accusation:

"You don't love me!

sleeping in her lap, she called another

thus ushering

Delilah

won

by exposing his

him

to

come

cut his hair

trust,

wooing him to a place of com-

and then making him the victim of other men

secrets.

Well, as you know, Samson's hair even-

grew back, he leveled the Philistine temple with one push,

and then he died amidst the rubble.

one

man

And while he lay

to his death.

her man's

plete rest with her

God

If

wore him down, and then, appealing to the heart of

the rescuer within him, she finally got her wish.

tually

when

last secret

you would..." You know the routine. Like a dripping

faucet, she

off,

it,

out in a most unpleasant way that the information

her plan failed a second time, she pulled out her

you

as to the

shouldn't reveal

she delivered to the Philistines,

pretended to be a good sport during the

it

else

lay basking in her praise, well-fed,

well-loved, and well-appreciated, she queried

awesome

She

him how

What happened

to Delilah?

only knows. Perhaps she, too, died at the temple, taking last

there

is

look at her handiwork.

I

wouldn't be surprised. Truly,

a pattern that emerges here.

Women who

might get what they want momentarily, but

it

costs

manipulate

them more

The Power of Being a

224

Woman

men in their lives much more rewarding

than they gain. In the process, they lose the

and they

also lose themselves.

God

has a

design for the power of influence that

/7~ (_^his as

a

is

He has bestowed upon us.

where true femininity emerges

clear victor. It triumphs over the barriers

of misunderstanding.

It

disarms the hard of

heart. It gently leads to

repairs the breach

and

those

a

better

way.

It

between those who have

who

are wanting.

Esther actually used the same recipe as Delilah, minus the deception, whining, and accusations. She prepared herself to be pleasing in appearance to her husband. She, too, fed

stroked his ego by making

enough

for her.

Though

that her husband

own

desire.

first

him

fully satisfied before

until

he asked her

for

to him.

How could she

threatening circumstances?

made

her request, and final judg-

be so calm in the face of such

What would

sure

she sought her

then she very simply stated her need, leaving the

ment

him and

company was reward

she wanted something, she

was

She waited

feel that his

life-

keep her from trying

to manipulate the situation in the face of such a dire emergency? First of all,

she

confident that

felt

that her desire was God's desire.

God would have

the final say

if

She was

she stayed in the

The Power of Influence

She had made her

right position.

first

225

appeal to God.

He had

did not speak to the king's heart, then obviously

plan for her and her people. Remember, she said, "If perish."

She knew that her

life

hung

greater authority than her husband. for alarm, she

knew

move with

lie

kind of a heart

And how

femininity emerges as a clear victor. of misunderstanding. to a better way.

It

could a

such a countenance? This

resist

It

I

an even

in man's

serene calm should the king

choose not to intervene on her behalf. Ultimately, God's will that would be done.

another

she explained her reason

that her fate really did not

hands. This freed her to

God

perish,

I

in the balance of

As

If

It

man

with any

where

is

true

triumphs over the barriers

disarms the hard of heart.

repairs the breach

would be

it

It

gently leads

between those who have

and those who are wanting. In the

her

book of

1

Samuel, Abigail did not exactly have time on

but she utilized the time that she had well, presenting

side,

David with food and provisions to abate

his anger.

She then

appealed to his sense of judgment on behalf of God's purposes,

and

this

kept

regretted later.

him from making It

a decision

he would have

stopped David from moving forward with his

plan to destroy her household because of the stupidity of her hus-

band. Abigail

made

sure that

David was

noticed that food seems to pop up in it's

because a

feeds

So be

him

gail did

either strengthen

to render

careful

Have you

of these stories? Perhaps

woman really does feed the soul of a man. What she

him can

poison

all

well-fed.

him

what you

stir

now

do the

right thing, or

making

foolish choices.

to

susceptible to

up in that man! The next thing Abi-

was to give David credit

important. David was

him

for

having good sense. This

freed to think clearly

sound decision without feeling

like

he was

and to make

is

a

rolling over. Far too

Woman

The Power of Being a

226

many times says

it

it is

not what a

that causes

him

woman says to a man,

to rebel against perfectly

it is

the way she

good advice.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel" (Proverbs 27:9 Niv).

"An

honest answer

is

like a kiss

on the

lips" (Pro-

verbs 24:26 NIV).

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying

tongue

lasts

only a

moment"

(Proverbs 12:18,19 Niv). "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul

and healing

"A [woman]

to the bones" (Proverbs 16:24 Niv).

of knowledge uses words with re-

straint" (Proverbs 17:27 Niv).

Why do you

think that Pilate, in the heat o{ making a deci-

sion concerning the sentencing of Jesus, stopped to consider his wife's

opinion on the matter? Here he

sat,

surrounded by people

screaming their heads off in the heat of the day. Tension was fever pitch,

One

little

and in the middle of all

this

him wash had

evervthing stops.

note from his wife, warning Pilate not to be involved

in determining

about

this turmoil

at

what happened

man which his

to Jesus, that she'd

a reputation for giving his soul

a

dream

troubled her deeply, was enough to

hands of sealing Jesus'

watched over

had

fate. Pilate's

wife must have

him sound counsel. He knew

and covered

that his wife's counsel was based

make

that she

his heart. Pilate also

on her watching out

knew

for his best

The Power of Influence

interest.

227

Hers was pure counsel that he could

heart of a feminine and virtuous

"A

far

more than

This

is

the

woman.

who can

wife of noble character

worth

trust.

rubies.

confidence in her and lacks

him good, not harm, (Proverbs 31:1042 NIV).

brings

find? She is Her husband has full nothing of value. She

the days of her

all

life"

The virtuous woman set her man's mind at ease, thus preparing him to deal effectively with his world. She influenced him to

make decisions

life,

that would not only ensure victory in his daily

but would also keep

ordained purpose.

Mary

the path to completing his

song

as a child

down."

fable

med-

true!

It is

comes

God-

was the one from

Poppins that went, "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the

icine go

A

him on

My favorite

mind

to

here,

one involving a

between the North Wind and the Sun.

One day,

as

little

bet

both observed

man walking down a lonesome road, they wagered as to which one of the two could get the man to remove his topcoat. The North Wind, full of confidence, decided to go first. He filled his a

cheeks with Arctic

air

and blew with

all his

might.

The man,

feeling the chill, merely pulled his coat tighter about him.

North Wind blew some more, only even tighter with each pletely exhausted, the

the

Sun

to take a

try.

to

man pull his coat wind's breath. Com-

have the

frigid gust of the

North Wind finally stepped

Well, the

all

aside to allow

Sun just mounted up high above

the clouds and began to shine his warmest rays.

with

So the

He quietly shone

the effervescence he could muster. After a while, the

man began to grow warm, so he loosened the folds of his coat. And still the Sun did not move; he simply continued to shine in his warm, quiet way. After a while the man began to perspire,

The Power of Being a

228

the Sun's

warmth cheering his

Woman

chilled bones.

Wiping his brow, he

looked toward the Sun with a welcoming smile and removed his coat. Force versus

of giving

—you

warmth, a

figure

it

little

patience, and a generous dose

out.

Becoming One important to note that having a profound effect on the

It is

men

in our world brings us full circle

back to the

issue of sub-

mission.

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your hus-

bands so

that,

word, they

if

any of them do not believe the

may be won over without words by the when they see the purity

behavior of their wives,

and reverence of your

a

lives" (1 Peter 3:1,2 Niv).

God has given us the incredible power to convert men! Only submitted woman can influence a man, or any type of author-

ity,

for that matter.

The

goal

is

willing cooperation.

Going along

begrudgingly does not build loyalty, but submission lowers the resistance to

sound instruction and paves the way

for a profitable

exchange between the two parties involved. In the arena of marriage,

where becoming one

is

essential to achieving this goal.

would

God's mandate, submission

And

like to carefully address for

this brings

for a

name when she marries. Or hyphenate her name and her husband's name. take her husband's

What

your motive?

If it's

to

an area

your consideration.

watched with increasing alarm the tendency

is

me

I

is I

have

woman not to

she chooses to I

have to

ask:

a matter of your individualism, then

you open the door to the serpent causing problems in your marriage.

Think about

it.

On one hand,

they are incomplete without a

he has

man and

women

feeling that

that they must have a

The Power of Influence

man's

name

get a

man, the serpent

to take

away

own identity. keep women bound up

The

their

riages

ness

tells

them he

be that

it

her husband's

name

I

finally

that they need to maintain

will

it is

if

he can't

wreak havoc on their mar-

any way he can. As insignificant

may seem, can

Then, when they

serpent hates marriage, and

single,

even deeper problem?

sets

their reproach.

229

as this

whole name

actually the

busi-

symptom of an

believe that a woman's refusal to take

serves a

mandate against her marriage.

her up for a hard time, or even

It

based on a divided

failure,

beginning.

Remember, names something.

Is

are very significant to

God. Names mean

your stating that you must keep your

for business purposes a

own name

roundabout way oi saying that what was

going on in your world before you met your husband important to you?

Or

that you don't trust this

drop that seed in his

spirit

and water

it

more submissive than you.

Even though

to

big-time! This sets

your husband up to become vulnerable to someone to be

more

You better believe the serpent

disregard previous experiences? will

is

man enough

It

he, in his attempt to

who

appears

also confuses your children.

seem

like a liberated

new-

millennium kind of man, murmurs that whatever you want to do is

fine with him,

better a

it is still

wonder why

insult to his spirit. If

not. Perhaps

good compromise

abdicate in the

an

it's

he thinks the deal

for selling out his

not,

he's getting

cover over you.

name department, chances

you had is

If he'll

are he'll abdicate in

He won't step up to cover you in man who is grounded spiritually, knowing his and what God has ordered him to be to you, will take your

other areas of your marriage.

many place

ways. But a

denial of his

name

as a personal affront. It fights against the order

of the universe, God's divine law,

which decrees that a man

shall

leave his mother and father, cleave to his wife, and the two shall

The Power of Being a

230

become

Woman

one. All of this gets lost in the shuffle as

we opt

for

appearing contemporary, sophisticated, and informed, hut

what

at

cost?

"Who

is

wise and understanding

him show

it

by his good

among you?

by deeds done in the

life,

humility that comes from wisdom. But bitter

envy and

selfish

not boast about does not

it

or

if

you harbor

ambition in your hearts, do

deny the

truth.

Such 'wisdom'

come down from heaven but

unspiritual, o( the devil. For

and

Let

is

earthly,

where you have envy

ambition, there you find disorder and

selfish

every evil practice" (James 3:13-16 Niv).

So

it

seems that what

itually correct.

tion of a

on

to

quiet.

politically correct isn't necessarily spir-

Wisdom and

power couple.

become

is

humility combined are God's defini-

remember that

I

a friend of mine

who went and

incredibly wealthy was extremely unassuming

Whenever

I

messed with him about

how

quiet

would always respond that you grow wiser by being

he was, he

He was

quiet.

always drinking in information. He never felt the need to share how much he knew, but it showed up on the bottom line of his life. When we as women envy a man's position of leadership and entertain the selfish ambition of running everything the

want

it

to go, the

end

result

that will leave the door wide

For those of you

who

is

disorder in the household.

open for every

indulge yourselves in this business of

you are a brave woman. There are not

is

and you allow your

man

to go to

all

I

can say

enough men

in

is

him that

church

as

church unprotected? That

throwing him to the wolves. Never overestimate

to your husband,

And

evil practice to enter.

going to his church and you going to yours,

it is,

way we

who you

and never underestimate the damage the

are ser-

— The Power of Influence

231

when you're not looking. Remember,

pent can do

the family

who

prays together, stays together. If

band

you are married, your goal

—one

in the spirit,

Because marriage

is

one

a covenant.

Somebody has to die in order ally,

both people

have to

die.

to

is

become one with your hus-

in your passions,

A covenant

is

When God made split it

then passed between the two halves to

down

seal

in

name.

Why?

based on death.

covenant to be

for a

Abraham, He took one animal, fulness to

one

fulfilled.

Actu-

a covenant with

the middle, and

His promise of faith-

Abraham. That's what God wants

to

do with you and

He wants both of you to come together, render Him pass through. It is God in the center of your marriage that fuses you into a reflection of the oneness He

your husband.

yourselves dead, and let

shares with His

Son and with

the Holy Ghost.

They

yet each

is

agree in

all

are

They counsel amongst them-

three separate parts, they are one. selves.

Though they

None moves apart from the other,

things.

considered equally powerful because they feed off of

God felt Adam was lacking when He said, "It is not good for man to be alone." This is what God created in the garden. He first took one man, then took a woman out of the man, and finally put them back together one another. This

is

the intimacy

kind of like twins.

We've

all

heard

stories of

other have amazingly through. That's the

felt

how

twins living apart from each

what the other twin was going

exactly

way God wants

practically living inside of

a

husband and wife

to be

one another. Have you ever noticed

when you see an old couple who have been together forever, They can finish one another's sentences. They seem so settled and happy. Individual agendas are that

they even begin to look alike?

a thing of the past. All the fight

another. That's

"Love

is

becoming one.

not love which

alters

is I

gone. They've settled into one

think Shakespeare said

when

it

it

best:

alteration finds." In other

The Power of Being a

232

words, love automatically

Woman

going to change some things, and

is

you won't even mind.

"Two

good return

work.

for their

him

friend can help

up.

If

one

down,

falls

But pity the

together, they will keep

his

man who falls

and has no one to help him up! Also,

down

have a

are better than one, because they

two

if

lie

warm. But how can

one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. three strands

A

cord of

not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes

is

4:9-12 NIV).

There

are benefits to this partnership thing.

There

giving that comes from love that goes the extra mile.

is

The

a

cost

never matters to true love.

We know that God so loved us that

He gave

own Son. Because God was

a

the

life

of His very

covenant relationship with

that's less.

some

Love

love.

is

Do

So

here's

taking his name.

You is

really don't

us,

death was involved. Now,

hear any other volunteers? Love

humbling because

to the wind, to give

love.

I

it

causes you to cast

and give again. Now,

my humble It is

seeking

suggestion:

all

is self-

caution

that's if you're truly in

Crown

his cover over you. Don't

that

man

deny him

by

that.

have an identity to protect, anyway. Your

life

supposed to be hidden in Christ. "I

am crucified with Christ:

not

I,

now of

nevertheless

but Christ liveth in me: and the

live in the flesh

I

live

I

life

live;

yet

which

I

by the faith of the Son

God, who loved me, and gave himself

for

me"

(Galatians 2:20 Kjv).

Remember, when God created woman out of man, He saw

them as one from the beginning. For Him

there was

no separation

The Power of Influence

Though

in identity.

the two had different functions, they

up the whole of one another. in

mind

233

He called them both man. So keep

that every time you see the

word "man"

sort,

such as

it is

in the Bible,

man.

that includes you because you were taken from to us universally, unless

made

God speaks

a specific gender reference of

some

men should not wear clothes pertaining to a woman. know that your oneness is on a higher world purports. As you and your mate strive

In light of this information,

order than what the

to look like Christ, submitting to

God

another, you will end up looking alike. personification of love your aim,

as

you submit to one

Make

submitting to the

and oneness will be achieved. As

you work toward oneness with your mate, giving him room to be

who God

has called

him

to be in your world,

you

will find that

submission will be mutual. You will be freed to be the voice of influence

not evil

who God designed you to be, doing your man good and of his days. He, in return, will be freed to respond to

all

the jewels you deposit in his spirit and

And

blessing to you.

that,

my friend,

is

become an even

greater

the grand prize.

"When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called

them 'man'" (Genesis

Dear Heavenly powerful

me

gift

to wield

exercise

my

Father, thank

You've given

it

You for

me —

the extraordinarily

the gift of influence.

Teach

Make me mindful of Your Word as 1 Keep me in remembrance of Your purposes

well.

gift.

5:1,2 Niv).

The Power of Being a

234

in

my

as well as those

life,

Woman

whom You put

within

my

sphere

me never to abuse the hearts and wills of me know when I have crossed the line to manipuLead me by Your Spirit, that I might know when to

of influence Help .

others. Let lation.

plant and

when

to let

go in order for You

to

water and bear

around me. As I yield myself me to yield to those whom You have placed over me. Help me to do it joyfully. Open my eyes to see the reward of submission. And Lord, with those who the increase in the lives of those

to

Your leadership, help

make and

it

difficult to

give

me a

follow Your design,

move

in

a special way

testimony of victory. In Jesus' name.

1.

What can

2.

How can

3.

Why do we overlook the gift of influence

a

woman's influence do

influence be

to a

Amen.

man?

more powerful than authority?

The Power of Influence

How does

235

4.

What

5.

Why is witchcraft compared to rebellion?

6.

Who was one of the most manipulative women in the Bible?

is

manipulation?

What was

her sin?

it

differ

from influence?

How did she go about getting

her way?

7

8.

.

What deception justifies a woman in her own mind when she is manipulating someone?

How does a woman usually play out her manipulations without them being detected?

9.

How does manipulation justify involved?

its

actions?

What

sins are

The Power of Being a

236

10.

What

is

the

method

Woman

of manipulation?

What

is

God's

response to manipulation?

11.

How did Delilah manipulate

Samson? What were her

tactics?

12.

What

does manipulation cost a

13.

What

gives a

authority

woman confidence

when

she needs to

14.

What type of woman does it What must be her posture?

15.

What

is

woman

in the end?

to approach

make

someone

a request?

take to influence a

the serpent's attitude toward marriage?

does he seek to destroy

it?

man?

How

in

The Power of Influence

16.

237

How does refusing to take your husband's name affect him

spiritually?

17.

What happens when women envy

18.

What should your goal

19.

How can a woman achieve oneness with her man? What

as a

a man's position

married

woman be?

should her goal be?

20.

How do you cross

the line from influence to manipu-

lation in your relationships? to?

Where can you

Why do you feel you need

place your trust in order to release

your needs and desires?

NINE

wer

o /

J he watched the glass now empty badly in need of a

refill

her arms hung heavily by her sides too weary from her constant revisiting of a task she longed for

him

to

do

he too waited accustomed to her frequent attendance

he saw no need to break a familiar pattern though he knew

it

was his duty

to refresh her to

fill

her

she had done so well refreshing herself

he now had no memory of how to go about the task

and he wondered why her eyes were so angry though her speech did not give her away the distance he

felt

from her body

when he reached left

to caress her

unanswered questions

in his

mind

that he dared not utter afraid of the responsibility

her answer might require on his part

and so he waited waited for her to

refill

the glass

but instead she just stood there

with her arms dangling

like

looking up toward the heavens lips

moving

silently

pouring out her soul tears streaming

down 240

leaden appendages

.

until they overflowed the

and

as she

reached for

brim of the

glass

it

the unthinkable occurred the glass tipped over spilling

its

contents

rolling rolling

rolling out of her reach

landing at his feet

and she

still

standing

not moving except to see

if

her prayers had been answered

watched him bend to pick

it

up

staring as

if

at a foreign object

finally a glint of recognition lighting his face

he

revisited his initial call filling

it

with himself

he gave her to drink

and she partook of his still

and then into

now

filling

as the

making room as

his eyes

with understanding

anger

left

for softness in

hers

her gaze

her arms regained their strength

no longer exhausted from both their loads with one arm unfettered she was to truly

offering gratefully

looking toward heaven

now

free

embrace him

her glass was

full.

241

.

carrying

/ive me children or

v^^at

Jacob, glaring at

else

him

I

as

die!"

Rachel

bitterly flung her

he were the worst kind of

if

words

traitor.

How dare he give another woman children when it was with her that his heart took

its

solace?

What

type of cruel joke was this?

She, his beloved, was barren while her

sister

who had

Leah,

gained Jacob as a husband through deception, gave him children as easily as she sneezed.

What had she done

to deserve this

humiliating station? She wanted her husband to fix

it

now! But

mad. This was

all

he could do was look

far

beyond

his control.

at

her

fix this

as if

most

mess and

she had gone

They were both

at the

mercy of One higher than themselves.

Sometimes our own things from

We

men that

are not

wonder what type of

man

in our

life

insecurities

doesn't

humanly

evil

seem

can cause us to demand possible for

hand God has

them

dealt us

to give.

when

the

to assist us in being fruitful, be

it

pregnancy, financial assistance, or just plain ole simple happiness.

Women so often wonder why,

gaining a spouse, they this

is

There

still feel

after clinching the

empty and

the most painful lesson that any is

anyone

a place in our hearts that only

else to deliver joy

unfulfilled.

Perhaps

human being can learn. God can fill. To rely on

and fulfillment to our door 242

dream of

is

to

come

Going over His Head

243

up sadly wanting, peering around the doorframe of our if

lives to see

the deliveryman forgot to leave the package. It is

important for us to understand the revelation that

fruit-

fulness

comes from the Lord, not from man. God's command

Adam

and Eve

in the

Webster defines being

garden was to be fruitful as

fruitful

spirit, as

to multiply

them is

and multiply.

being abundantly productive.

Adam and Eve's individual call was to bear fruit, the

to

as in the fruit of

well as natural productivity. Their mutual call was

—multiply others who bore

in the process

God would meet

fruit.

and add to what they produced. Fruitfulness

where our true contentment

lies,

and

this

is

made

possible by

the handiwork of God Himself. "I will

look on you with favor and

make you fruitful

and increase your numbers, and

I

will

keep

my

covenant with you" (Leviticus 26:9 Niv).

"Whoever has

will

be given more, and he will have

an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what

he has

will

be taken from him" (Matthew 13:12

NIV).

Remember what happened when that bore

no fruit? He cursed

already dead.

To not bear

anyone but ourselves

commanded

fruit

As far as he was concerned, is

for our lives

to be dead.

fruitfulness, unless

good works.

fruit to

wither or grow

If

it

it

was

cannot blame

He has equipped us to No human being should

they are adding to

greater

We

being barren of fruit.

us to be fruitful.

whether single or married.

ciate

it.

Jesus spotted the fig tree

be

God has fruitful,

affect

your

by provoking you to

they are subtracting from you, causing your bitter,

with that person.

you should reconsider why you

asso-

The Power of Being a

244

women must understand that they are as close to their

Single

mate

as they're ever

going to be right where they are now. Mar-

ried

women, come along with me on

you.

A single friend of mine

dinner.

Woman

this one;

shared this with

also applies to

it

me one

day over

She had been asking God where her mate was, and He

kept answering, "I've got your mate right here." To which she

would

reply,

"Right here where?" Finally

God opened her under-

standing to see that her mate was inside of Him. be? Simple.

God knows where your mate

everything there

him

today,

is

to

you would

know about your still

have to go to

about him. Married women,

God can supply the

is

God

is

is

leaving out. is

He knows if

you met

to find out things

when your husband

information he

God. He

right now.

mate. Even

the day, your relationship with your mate relationship with

How could this

isn't talking,

At

the end of

only as good as your

the bridge between the two of your

lives.