The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women [Hardcover ed.] 0345518489, 9780345518484

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The

Little •«

Black Book

of Success LAWS OF LEADERSHIP FOR BLACK

ELAINE MERYL BROWN,

WOMEN

MARSHA HAYGOOD, AND

RHONDA JOY MCLEAN

Digitized by the Internet Archive in

2012

http://archive.org/details/littleblackbookoOObrow

ACPL ITEM DISCARDED

mm

04

20ra

— THE LITTLE

BLACK BOOK OF

SUCCESS

ELAINE MERYL

BROWN

MARSHA HAYGOOD

AND RHONDA JOY MCLEAN

Foreword by Angelo Burt-Murray

ONE WORLD

BALLANTINE BOOKS

NEW YORK

LAWS OF LEADERSHIP FOR BLACK

WOMEN

Copyright t 2010 by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and

Rhonda Joy McLean All rights reserved.

Published

in the

United States by

One World Books,

Random House Publishing Group, Random House, Inc., New York.

an imprint of The a division of

One World

is

colophon

a registered trademark and the is

a trademark of

Random

One World

House.

ISBN 978-0-345-51848-4 Printed in the United States of America

www.oneworldbooks.net

24689753

1

First Edition

Book design by Jo Anne Metsch

Inc.

To black

women who

the leadership ladder

been there

to

You are

continue

to

climb

and those who have

support them. all

VIPs.

CONTEXTS

Foreword

xiii

Angela Burt-Murray, editor

in chief,

Essence magazine xvii

Introduction 1

Always Consider Yourself a VIP High self-esteem

is

3

a cornerstone to success: Overcome

feelings of inferiority despite regularly being

referred to as a minority.

2 To Attain

8

Victory, Stay Positive

Use the tools you know—prayer and affirmation —

and change your to

thoughts. Also, learn

to control

new methods

develop a leader's mental attitude.

3 Racism

Is

No

Excuse, but

It

Can Be a Motivator

Even the best managers can succumb

to

12

unconscious

stereotypes or implicit prejudice. You must understand the perceptions of the

biculturalism

if

dominant culture and your

you want

4 Don't Be the Office

to succeed.

Mammy

Resist your tendency to take on the role of caregiver,

a role that

may

not help you in your pursuit of

being perceived as a leader.

1

5

Contents

VIII

5 Use Your Duality to Build Strength

17

Use the lessons learned from the double burden of racism

and sexism

to

your advantage.

6 Acknowledge That There

Is

a

Game and

Accept

That You Must Play Don't be blind

19

to office culture

and

politics.

Assess your

work environment and act appropriately 7

What You Have

to

What Others Have

Say

Is

Just as Important as

to Say,

So Speak Up

22

Corporations can benefit from diverse experiences

and

opinions. Learn to observe, analyze,

"communications culture"

in

and

utilize the

your workplace.

8 Aretha Was Right: R-E-S-P-E-C-T It is

26

better to be respected than to be liked.

Followers are

liked,

but leaders are respected.

9 Listen Up! Understanding What's Said

v.

28

What's Meant

We

are not learning

what

is

when our mouths are moving. Hear

being said as well as what

is

decipher hidden or coded messages

10 Always Have Goal setting

11 Don't

is

a Plan of Action the

way

to get

not being said to

in

your workplace.

and Follow Through

ahead.

Let Your Emotions Get the Best of

Control

and

32

You

35

learn from your emotions.

12 Developing Good Relationships with Co-Workers Has More Benefits Than You Think Connecting and collaborating are the

13 Communicate

Clearly in Person

first

39 steps to leading a team.

and on Paper

Take a page out of Barack Obama's book: To be a successful

41

ix

Contents

leader,

critical to

it's

communication

have superb verbal and written

skills.

14 Know Your Value

45

Don't confuse your net worth with your self-worth.

The

talents

you acquired as a leader

in

your community,

church, or school have value in the workplace

—

apply them!

15 To Measure Your Performance, 48

Get Feedback

Not only

is

self-evaluation important, but

thinks about your

16 Perception:

work also impacts your leadership

Not Only about

It's

what your boss pursuits.

How 51

You See Yourself Perception

and make

is reality:

Put your best foot forward

the best impression.

17 Seek Guidance and Support You don't have to build

for

to

54

be the same race, gender, age, or religion

a success team of people you can count on

guidance and mentorship.

18 Surround Yourself with the Right People: You Cannot Survive

57

in Isolation

Networking can expand your support system.

19 Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

59

Cross over into other cultures for social

and professional growth.

20 Regardless

of Your Position, Learn about Your

Department, Your Company, and Your Industry The Ostrich Syndrome and how

to

avoid

it.

62

Contents

x

21

Nobody Owes You Anything

Entitlement:

Cope with misplaced in

yourself

and

64

attitudes of entitlement

in others.

22 The Values You Were Raised

with in Church

Aren't Always Valued in Business

Learn

how

to

modify your personal

.

beliefs to

adapt

to

.

69

your

organization's business ethics without selling your soul.

23 Not Everyone Has

to

Be Your BFF

Put personal issues aside

Not everyone has

24

to

become a team

to

be your

BFF (Best

Motivate Others by Playing

The way

25 Do Not

win

to

is

to build

73

an

Up

player.

Friend Forever).

76

Their Strengths

efficient team.

Let Distractions (or a Difficult Boss)

Throw You

Off Course

Handle your

direct reports

80 and your superiors

professionally.

26 Always

85

Try to Maintain Balance

Don't neglect carving out essential time for yourself.

27 The N-Word: Networking

88

Turn social engagements into opportunities. Be sure

to

network outside your comfort zone.

28 Change

Is

Inevitable, So

Organizations are

and shape

all

the time.

organisms. They change form

Be prepared

you see coming —and those that you

29 Bring Your Brand Crowd While

Still

91

Be Prepared

like living

to the Table:

for transitions don't.

Blend into the

94

Being Yourself

Define and redefine yourself. Authenticity

is

the key.

Contents

30 You

Don't

Need

to

Have

xi

Answers

All the

to

98

Take Advantage of the Opportunities Don't think that others at your level and above have answers; sometimes you have

31 What You See Learn

32 Use

make

it

all

the

up as you go along.

What You Create

100

lead as a visionary.

to

Conflict as

Conflict

33

Is

to

is

an Opportunity

sometimes necessary

to

Problems

to Solve

Don't Be Defeated by the Madness: Keep Your Sanity Don't

the job

let

you 're under

34 Know How

make you

crazy,

104

challenge thinking.

even when you

107

feel

attack.

to Create

and Use Power

111

Create influence through decision making, strategic thinking,

and

risk

taking

—men do

35 No One Leadership

Know When

to

Mix

to

achieve the desired

36 Coaches Are Not

all

the time.

Style Fits All:

Up

It

may

Different situations

it

116

require using different styles

results.

120

Just for Athletes

Professional coaching provides the training that will

maximum

help you reach your

leadership

and personal potential.

37

Celebrate Your Arrival at the C-Suite

Once you've achieved your leadership celebrate

and know

38 Maintain Your If

that

how

the real

work begins.

Seat at the Table: Here's

you are committed

here's

now

to build

to staying with

and

L23

position,

What

It

your company,

sustain foundations.

Takes

L26

Contents

XII

39 Seeing

the Writing on the Wall

You've done

on

to the

all

you can

do.

Now

its time to

130 move

next challenge.

40 Reach Back and Bring Others Along When

133

given the chance, offer a helping hand.

Acknowledgments

137

FOREWORD

Tapping into Your Leadership Potential

What separates merely good managers from will tell

you they've probably worked

as a few bad apples. During

cromanage team

to

do

their all

my own

employees, those

the

great ones?

for effective

Anyone

managers as well

career I've had bosses that mi-

who

work while they take

expect everyone else on the all

the credit,

and those

rare

jewels that support their employees, help them develop strategic goals,

and know

that

when one person succeeds

the entire

team

succeeds. These great leaders also embrace and encourage hard

work

for

themselves and their teams and don't look for shortcuts

to

a win. Whether you are just starting out on your career path, stuck in a mid-level rut, or fice,

preparing to ascend to the executive corner

understanding the difference between

and leading them

effectively will

how

quickly you

move

your career. Given the screaming headlines of

to the next level in

corporate

determine

of-

managing" people

"just

mismanagement

that are perpetually pervading the

ketplace, strong, authentically centered leadership skills are

mar-

more

important than ever.

Your

first

step

in

striving

for

excellence,

defeating behaviors, and bursting through what

penetrable barriers

is

to read

The

Little

moving

past

may seem

Black Book of Sine

self-

like im-

ess:

Laws

— Foreword

xiv

of sage pearls of

wisdom

from co-authors Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and

Rhonda

Women. Chockful

of Leadership for Black

Joy McLean,

this

book

provide you with practical steps to en-

will

own

able you to tap into your

namic, driven, and successful leadership

leadership potential. These three dy-

women

have

honed

collectively

their

with a combined total of nearly 100 years of senior

skills

management experience

at

nonprofits and grassroots

community organizations. Their book

Fortune 100 companies and leading

own

enable you to discover and develop your

will

leadership potential

and move yourself forward. The

Little

Black Book of Success's chapters are each built around

a core principle or "law," with historical context, real-world exam-

some

ples,

traps to avoid,

and "MAMAisms"

—those

things

learned at "Mama's knee" that have gotten us through

you can

No

still

rely

on as you take your

matter where you are

want

to strengthen

in

your

life

new

rightful place as

own

career path

your self-esteem, learn

to build

we

and

all

that

leaders.

—whether you

an

effective net-

work, deal with challenging environments and co-workers, or learn the best

way

to

Book of Success in

develop your

own

leadership style

you the real-world

will give

tools

The

and

Little

tips

Black

you need

order to navigate your career pathways successfully.

As Elaine, Marsha, and Rhonda point

out,

women

are executive leaders often face unique challenges,

deep within themselves

to find

ways

to

of color

and have

who

to dig

blossom under the intense

pressures of their positions. The strength and decisiveness that

helped them evolve into the leaders they have become can be yours as well, and you, too, can

embark upon your own unique leadership

journey.

When the paign

trail

nation

first

met

First

Lady Michelle Obama on the cam-

she was instantly recognizable to Black women. The

stat-

uesque, double Ivy-league degreed hospital executive with the perfectly coiffed hair

and smart

outfits

was

a self-made

woman

like

xv

Foreword

many

of

you who lead church boards, chair neighborhood pro-

grams, and rush

home from work

to feed their families.

Even under

the intense scrutiny she faced, by remaining true to the values, lessons,

and

ideals she developed

the South Side of Chicago, Mrs.

when growing up

Obama

in

her

home on

was able to address the

crit-

icism of her in the press while remaining focused on her family and

her passion for community service and opening up the White House to the

American people.

The lesson Success, stacles

is

that

you

here, that

is

underscored

no matter where you are

feel

you must overcome,

main committed

to

if

in

in

your career and what ob-

ability.

is

in

re-

your

survive and thrive as a

even when people attack you and

and innate

Black Book of

your core values, those that you learned

course. Truly effective leadership

rience

Little

you are clear about, and

own homes and communities, you can leader,

The

try to

throw you

off

a combination of learned expe-

As Elaine, Marsha, and Rhonda

write,

"Leadership can be learned." Couple your innate ability with the practical, insightful,

and motivating material

Book of Success and you

will

have

all

in

The

Little

the tools you need to

Black

become

the best leader that you can possibly be.

Angela Burt-Murray Editor in chief

Essence magazine

INTRODUCTION

lthough they're able to get jobs,

women

Black

move themselves

women

many

of today's

young

don't realize they have the potential to

forward.

It's

interesting to note that

many

Black

hold leadership roles in their communities, schools, and

churches, but aren't aware that they can transfer

skills

from those

leadership positions to the workplace. Research indicates that their talents often

and

remain

their business

invisible

both to the

women who

possess them

managers.

But leaders are not only born, they can be made. Leadership can

be taught, and you can learn

to

with the help of this book. This

who aspire to be

"players" a

game. Whether you know

unleash your leadership is

way to it

a guide that will give get into the

game and

abilities

all sisters

stay in the

or not, once you're in the workforce

you're already in the game, so you might as well play your "A"

game. Each of us has a personal reason ferent roads led

brought us to the same place are ready to share

and old

to help

for writing this book.

Our

dif-

us to this intersection. Our different journeys

— that place

in

our careers where

knowledge of our experiences with

them tap

into their leadership potential

through any organization, corporation, or

institution.

sisters

we

young

and navigate

xviii

Introduction

ELAINE'S STORY In early

my

tend

HBO Human

2000, an first

leadership class

—the

Multi-Ethnicity in Communications.

changed

my

business/marketing students, self

—the

National Association for

turned out to be a program

It

As a creative director

life.

it

was

to at-

Executive Leadership Develop-

ment Program sponsored by NAMIC

that

me

Resources' executive invited

the

in this class of

time ever that

first

I

mostly

saw my-

my own leadership my leadership poten-

as a leader. With an opportunity to identify

skills,

learn

tial,

was

it

new

there

leadership I

my

had

skills,

"Aha!"

and tap

into

moment: Leaders are not

just born;

and

rules that

leaders can be made. There are leadership

can be taught be taught

in

grammar

just as

english and fractions can

and the whole notion of

taught

set out to put

leadership seriously,

I

reached out to form

my own

women

what

Time Warner

executives for dinner;

sha Haygood and Rhonda Joy McLean.

became known as

ners that

Girls

We

divisions,

I

gathered a

among them were

met every quarter

Night Out, or

"GNO"

Mar-

at din-

dinners.

Still

my leadership experience, wanted to write about my "Aha!" moment with others who might not have tapped

excited about

and share

learned into practice and

I

support network and mentors. Getting

together a few colleagues across

group of Black

in

this class

is

math. After taking

sets

skill

it

I

into their leadership potential. After several attempts at a treatment for a

book on leadership and several

book was much bigger than me, Not losing sight of Black

how much

women, asked I

the

that

I

As a

of

I

realized that this

couldn't write

value a book

members

ticipate in the writing project.

rejections,

GNO

result,

like this if

it

on

my

own.

would have

they would

for

like to par-

Marsha and Rhonda, also

passionate and committed to sharing their thoughts and experiences,

were up that

The

for the task.

It

would bring ninety Little

was

the beginning of a great collaboration

collective years of leadership experience to

Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women.

xix

Introduction

MARSHA'S STORY I

have been a

in

more

trailblazer,

situations than

I

considered the

can count as

"first

lady"

and "only lady"

journeyed along

I've

my

ca-

reer path from temporary, part-time receptionist to executive vice president. In

way,

have had

I

my

from Often

many

I

had

on the confidence and self-esteem

to rely

to dig I

my

During

part, there

deep and

rely

my mind

to."

put

mother's words that

and

difficult situations

have

injustices, but for the

most

from

all

climb up the corporate ladder,

I

as a career coach and small-business of the lessons

owner

I

years

of the "only."

want

to share

We all know that there my hope is that this women who do not always

to a successful career, but

and support

will offer insight

have access

was one

I

learned along the way.

I

no one guidebook

many

of these experiences. For

Now

book

could

I

I

some is

family.

have been more good situations than bad ones, and

tried to learn

my

my

on

my

built

I

twenty-five-plus years in the corporate arena,

experienced some

during

encountered along the

I

mother's encouragement and the support of

"do anything

have

of the situations that

to coaches,

to

mentors, or the "Old Boys' Network."

RHONDA'S STORY From

my

the time

I

was

thirteen

and integrated the

small Southern town with two of

fited

from

my

family's

my

local

high school

best friends,

I

in

have bene-

unwavering support and the "home training"

that they provided. That

grounding and

spiritual

foundation have

me well, enabling me to obtain four degrees, culminating my J.D. from Yale Law School in 1983. After working in the not-

served with

for-profit sector for nearly ten

years before attending law school,

have been a practicing attorney have experience

in

for

more than

the public, private,

twenty-five years

and academic

I

and

sectors, work-

xx

Introduction

ing

my way up

from entry- or midlevel management posts

of those arenas. in

our

have observed and participated

I

society, including

tunities for

women and

in

each

many changes

in

major advancements and additional opporpeople of

Even

color.

so,

I

still

see young

women making avoidable mistakes as they climb the corporate ladder. It is my hope that the leadership lessons in our book will help those women find their place at the senior management table and become

the next generation of leaders in Corporate America

and

the world at large.

Those are our

stories,

and now here's the big picture behind

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS: LAWS OF LEADERSHIP FOR BLACK WOMEN.

Given

how much

progress

women

of African descent

have made

—especially the past decade, as companies have grown more diverse — would since the

civil rights

and women's

rights

movements

in

it

be easy

to think

challenges

women who

the workplace don't exist. Wrong!

women

Nearly 40 percent of Black

Black

in

report that they don't have other

can serve as role models. Studies show that dur-

ing the past decade Black

women

have made the smallest gains

with regard to employment and high-level positions. For the few

who have

achieved success

in the

workplace, their greatest obstacle

has been making their organizations acknowledge the value of their skills

and contributions.

Today's Black

women

have jobs and careers, yet many don't

realize the inherent leadership potential they possess that

them grow

professionally.

Much has been

written about leadership,

but there are no books specifically for Black that identifies

and addresses issues unique

can help

women on this topic, one

to Black

women,

the work-

place obstacles they encounter, and challenges they can overcome.

xxi

Introduction

As

women

society

of color,

we

live in a culture that is part of a larger

—a dominant culture. Each culture has

traditions,

and

values.

These values,

own

its

attitudes,

make our

things

ture as

we

we

tend to do that

may

differ

behaviors and

it

book

identifies

from the dominant

more important

is

how

may work

they

you can maximize your leadership

that all

own

down through

cul-

operate in the corporate workplace. Rather than focusing

on assimilation, we think your

that

culture unique, particularly given our

people's historical experiences in this country. This

some

mores,

and ideologies

are inherent in our communities have been passed

generations and

set of

bicultural

—having

our

own

that

you understand

for or against you, so

potential. Let's face

culture within a

it.

dominant

We're

culture.

This handbook provides insights into understanding

how you can

become more

goals.

self-aware

and achieve your leadership

Beginning with the premise that we're grees of awareness, The

workplace issues,

into

cable solutions for

Little

all

VIPs with differing de-

Black Book of Success shares insights

pitfalls,

and impediments, and

women, no matter

at

what stage of

offers applitheir career.

Each chapter builds on the VIP lessons by elucidating leadership truths coupled with prescriptive examples. iors

we have observed

and those

that

in the

workplace that work

to

behav-

our advantage

keep us from advancing. The Cultural Code sections

include the kinds of things to

We talk about the

we

tend to do from a cultural perspective

sabotage ourselves and then prescribe methods

to help

us be suc-

cessful.

Each chapter concludes with "MAMAisms," which bring the sons

home by

have heard

all

giving entirely

new

les-

relevance to aphorisms readers

of their lives from their mother, grandmother, or

other family members, presenting them in the context of leadership

development. The premise here corporate world, she gave us

MAisms

is

life

that

even

lessons

if

Mama was

not in the

we can draw upon. MA-

are those familiar terms, both practical and spiritual, that

xxii

Introduction

we grew up

with and can draw upon as

we

travel the road to lead-

ership success.

We hope

that this isn't a

bookshelf, leaving

it

book you read once and

to collect dust,

and review regularly

to help

We

when

have been working a long time

and have

achievements as

tried to learn

we advanced

in

in

things get tough.

many

different jobs

So,

whether you are

have a leadership

need

in

we made

as

your work and

for leadership success.

just starting out in the

role, get

in-

our careers. Our combined experi-

you build a strong foundation of professionalism will

and

from our mistakes as well as our

ence can help you avoid making some of the mistakes

develop the tools you

on your

you reach your leadership goals or

serve as a reminder of what to do

dustries

store

but one that you keep on hand

workplace or already

ready to change your

life!

PERSONAL LEADERSHIP XOTEBOOK We

strongly

Little

recommend

that before

you begin reading The

Black Book of Success, you create a Personal Leadership

Notebook (PLN)

that

you can use

to jot

down your

insights

and ideas as you work your way through the book. Your PLN

become your personal

will

which you

will write in as

journal, your diary, your bible,

needed.

It

is

best to get a notebook

with a folderlike flap so you can tuck newspaper clippings,

magazine that

articles,

you want

to

network programs, or documents inside

your progress, and

will track

PLN

save and reference at a later date. Your it

will

be a place where you can

keep contact information, important dates, project

and any other data relevant

to

results,

your leadership journey. Your

PLN should be dog-eared from much use and handling from going

and out of your purse, handbag, and/or

in

briefcase.

Each year when you buy a calendar, you should buy a new PLN, which means as you grow along your leadership journey, so should the

PLN from

now and

number

of your PLNs.

—you

will

you can use

book from read

haps

it

it

here

first!

It

doesn't matter what

want it

front to

to carry

often

your

and make

it

it

looks like

brand-new

PLN around work

back while taking notes

—an

colorful

with you so

for you. in

Go

way

get this notebook that you will use to chart your

old diary that you never wrote in or a

that

will refer to the

time to time so remember, you heard

to leadership success.

journal

We

Read

this

your PLN, then

through a second time, taking more detailed notes, per-

this

time around, starting

to

develop your action plan.

THE LITTLE

BLACK BOOK OF

SUCCESS

Always Consider Yourself

any of you are already active be entering workforces

all

a

VIP

workplace or

in the

over the world

— in

will

soon

privately

held corporations, large foundations, small not-for-profit organizations,

advocacy groups, government positions, or other jobs

your neighborhood secret: All

There

you need

leader in

is

to

—and

yet,

you may not know a very important

a leader inside each of you just waiting to

do

is

right in

develop and hone the

come

out!

help the

skills that will

you to surface and shine.

Leaders are not only born, they can also be created. Even

have never held a leadership position and were

told that

if

you

you did not

have "leadership potential" as you were growing up, you can learn

what

it

takes to be a leader right now. Like math, science,

guages, leadership can be learned because

it

requires

and

skill

lan-

sets that

can be taught. And since you are clearly capable of learning, the path to leadership

is

one you can always pursue.

However, along the path

to leadership success,

you

will

have

refuse to give in to negative thinking that can hold you back. often brilliant selves,

and beautiful young

women

sometimes without even knowing

that they never

become

that they are

the leaders they are capable of

aspect of leadership

core of your being.

is

Too

of color sabotage them-

doing

it,

so

becoming or

achieve the level of leadership success they deserve. The most ical

to

crit-

self-esteem, which must flow from the

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

4

become

In order to

and remain an

a leader

effective one,

must always consider yourself a Very Important Person

mean

doesn't

that

you should be arrogant or cocky and walk

your job believing that you already

know. Instead, bringing

it

much

means

that

know

you need

This into

everything you need to

to feel confident that

you are

value to any workplace and that your cultural

strengths, values,

and work

you go about learning how cessful despite

(VIP).

you

ethic will stand

to

do your

job,

any challenges you may

you

and

in

that

good stead as

you

will

be suc-

whether they are small

face,

or large.

How you

about yourself

feel

is

imperative to moving forward and

sustaining your efforts to meet your leadership goals. Feeling that you're a VIP, reminding yourself that you're a VIP, dressing like you're a VIP, and acting like you're a VIP (within reason, of course) will

help to give you the confidence you need to conquer real and

imagined obstacles

in

your workplace. Rest assured that you can

overcome any hurdles you may encounter on your way a leader

to

becoming

—just be prepared and hang on to your hat. External—and internal — forces surely you.

maybe even

Because we

will

live in a society

are not always valued,

some

transfer the notion that

we

where people of color and women

of us consciously or subconsciously

are not valuable to beliefs of inferiority

or inadequacy about ourselves.* identified

test

A

recent Harvard University study

two kinds of prejudice: individual and systemic. The

kind of prejudice

is

held by individuals about

other than their own. The second

is

members

first

of groups

a set of institutionalized as-

sumptions, attitudes, and practices that have a kind of invisible fect in systematically giving

certain advantages over

*"How

members

members

of

of less

ef-

more powerful groups

dominant groups. So you

Unethical Are You?" Mahzarin R. Banaji,

Max

Dolly Chugh, Harvard Business Review, 12, 2003.

H.

Bazerman, and

Always Consider Yourself

a

VIP

5

are not crazy, and you are not alone in feeling that

are not right or fair in our society. Despite

women and many

first

people of color have made, there are

is

obstacles in

to accept that prejudices of all kinds exist. Indeed,

of us are prejudiced,

and instead of

your way, you must find creative ways

may

still

step to handling any sense of unfairness in the business

environment

in

of the progress

all

workplaces. Therefore, you must be ready

The

many

some things

letting these feelings get

to

move around them. You

knowing how

feel frustrated at times, not

to get

ahead or what

steps you should take to advance. You're not alone. Don't be dis-

couraged. Instead, concentrate on working hard, working smart,

and gaining the knowledge you need ing focused, you will continue to

Your self as

ability to

you

travel

to

make

move

forward. By remain-

progress.

remain motivated and continue along your leadership journey

to believe in your-

is

very important. In

the sport of working, you will need to learn not to take personally

everything that happens to you. You must in the

work "game." Once you decide

yourself squarely in the

to

become

become

game and you must

play.

a savvy "player"

a leader, you put

You must also be

prepared to win as well as suffer some losses along the way. Often those wins and losses will yield

mold your own unique leadership and move

up.

Be prepared

critical

lessons that will help you

style that will

make you stand

for the rules of the

sometimes midplay, sometimes completely. Make bility to

keep up with what

is

going on. Plan

to put

game it

to

out

change,

your responsi-

your

own

special

imprint on your workplace by bringing the very best you have to the table every day.

Always hold your head high and remember

that

you

are a VIP, no matter what position you currently hold. You're already

on your way

to leadership success!

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

6

CULTURAL CODE Given our country's history of legalized slavery, indentured servitude,

and the treatment of

we should

sessions,

as chattel and children as pos-

not be surprised

we

in to notions that

we

women

occasionally

if

we

are not worthy, that

some

buy

of us

are undeserving, that

are second best. As a subculture within a dominant culture,

may

see

more negative than

portrayed

ployees

in

the media.

who

And

we

positive reflections of ourselves being in the

workplace we

don't look like us advance

more

may

see other em-

rapidly than

we do

(and sometimes they don't have half the credentials and experience that

we

have) and

we may wonder

why.

we

While there are nearly always things better in our jobs,

we

all

know

or have heard of situations

we may have welcomed

other workers

could do differently or

to the

company and

where trained

have received promotions instead of us or much sooner than we do,

who have gone overbudget on

or co-workers

their projects while

we

have stayed within our budgets, yet they have been promoted and

we have remained seem destined

to

in

our positions.

is

have met "hotshots"

shoot to the top of the department or

matter what they do or process

We

how many

who

company no

failures they produce. This

often referred to as "failing up."

These experiences can be discouraging, but they can also be motivating.

We

a part of the the sooner

must learn

that everything

game— surviving and

we

We

are going through

thriving in the workplace

face this reality the better

in the leadership arena.

we we

will

be able

must keep our confidence

on the shoulders of our ancestors, who

we

—and

compete

intact

and

re-

—our have nothing to do with our inner —that we inherited from our MAMAs and others. We stand

alize that outer forces

resilience

to

is all

spirit

sacrificed mightily so that

could have the privileges and opportunities

we

take for granted

Always Consider Yourself

today.

VIP

o

Through them we know and affirm

women, and with confidence

MA D Nothing worth having

o You have

to

A

comes

(^

we

we can do

in ourselves,

:MI

that

7

v

(

are amazing

anything!

^

easy.

work twice as hard as everyone

else to get

anywhere.

O You are worthy and deserving of having the best of everything.

3

Make

o

If

yourself

number one.

you don't take care of you

first,

no one else

will.

To Attain Victory, Stay Positive

To become a leader you

aster the art of positive thinking.

must have a achieve with positive

self-talk

what

ple instead of

positive

is

mental attitude, which you can

and looking

at

wrong with them.

what

is

right with peo-

Positive self-talk

means

saying positive things about yourself to yourself and to others. You are what you think,

and you can accomplish what you think you

can. For example,

you

if

ticular task or difficult for failure.

You must

challenges that this. I've

my

yourself that you can't perform a par-

assignment, then you are setting yourself up tell

yourself that you can meet professional

come your

never done

best shot."

tell

way. Instead of thinking, "Oh,

this before," say, "This is

new

me.

to

Then go do your homework, consult with

online, request the reports,

do whatever you need

to

do

I

can't

I'll

You must because five

it

to

can meet any professional challenges that

is

go

to get the ability.

around you.

Make

it

a habit. Invest

work. Tell yourself you life

has

to offer. Write

positive affirmations in your Personal Leadership Note-

book and read them out

word

it

establish this habit of positive self-talk in your mind,

requires regular reinforcement.

minutes a day before you head out

down your

give

others,

information to complete the assignment to the best of your Positive thoughts create constructive energy

do

loud, or write a positive prayer.

extremely powerful.

For example:

The spoken

To Attain Victory, Stay Positive

•

I

release the past

and now allow myself

9

to

be

filled

with posi-

tive thoughts. •

I

deserve the best and welcome

•

I

see the good in everyone.

•

I

accept for myself

all

the

it

my

into

good things

life.

that

life

and work have

to offer. •

I

am

my

worthy and deserving of new challenges that come

way. •

I

Be

am

in the

actively

you hear

in

process of making positive changes.

aware of what you're thinking. What kind of voice do

your head? Does a voice

member warned

thing because a family

going

to fail?

you that you

tell

Or that trying something new was too risky? Or

trolling

you

in

life.

the only

You can make

it

a

your thought process. Even

you during the Your reaction will

It's

respond

is

day,

way good

If

them down

You must

re-

things are going to

good day or a bad day by conif

something bad happens

you can decide how

to

to react to the situation.

your choice and your choice determines

—positive

that

dangerous?

positive affirmations to cancel them.

program your thoughts. to

is

to see a pattern of negative thoughts, write

and then create

come

do some-

years ago that you were

traveling abroad or to other parts of the country

you begin

can't

how you

or negative. Create positive images, state-

ments, situations, outcomes, interactions, and exchanges. You can

change your

life if

you change your thinking.

Having a sense of humor also comes

in

handy and can help you

with your positive attitude. There will be times to

you'll just

have

throw up your hands and laugh. Negative

to

when

self-talk

can lower your expectations, and do damage

your self-confidence and leadership

leaders

who

are positive.

set a positive tone.

One

ability.

People want

to follow

of a leader's most important jobs

is

to

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

10

who

People

are positive tend to be:

•

More productive

•

More

likely to

•

More

likely to attract

•

More

likely to

be open

•

More

likely to

recognize opportunity

work.

at

be noticed and recognized by co-workers to them. to

new

experiences.

when

CULTURAL. We

their boss.

C5

it

O

comes

IJ

E

haven't always been exposed to positive images in

due

to the

media or the

some

positive family

and

of us didn't receive the attention

served

in

friends.

times struggling to

make ends meet,

we experience

haven't

al-

and encouragement we de-

today,

or being challenged by

we

more

haven't always had the most

view of the world. Unfortunately, we can even be negative

about ourselves. Sometimes

we assume

that the challenges

we

facing have been set before us because

While

We

While growing up,

classrooms from teachers. While our parents were some-

obstacles than positive

whether

life,

Not everyone was raised by

racial divide.

supportive or well-educated or instructive parents.

ways been around

their way.

this

may

or

may

not be true,

anger or fear because of our own

way by deciding

we may become beliefs.

that "they're out to get

We

can get

me," or "they

We

it.

or what others think or

way

feel,

get in the

cannot

in

our

own

just don't un-

let

it.

Look

differences,

of achieving our leader-

ship goals. Despite the negative forces around us or inside us,

must overcome them as we embark upon be positive and view the world itive

would be

ple.

We

to give

up

all

this journey.

in a positive light.

hope.

are

paralyzed with

derstand or value me," and that nothing can be done about

beyond skin color and don't focus on

we

women.

are Black or

We

we

have

to

For not to be pos-

We are a strong and

spiritual

peo-

have survived through the ages with physical strength and

1

To Attain Victory, Stay Positive

1

the strength of our minds. Negative thinking that creates negative

emotions can lead

to stress, anger,

and

hostility,

as well as disease.

So keep your thinking positive. Write a positive

list

of your

messages

good

qualities

to yourself

and assets

them with you

desk drawer

at the office

in

and

refer to

on an as-needed

position for years, look at today as

immerse yourself

to

your

Read them out loud and

your purse and keep them

in

your

them as a reminder whenever messages or affirma-

necessary. Refresh or update these positive tions to yourself

your PLN. Place

around your home, tape them

dresser and medicine cabinet mirrors. often. Carry

in

basis. if it's

Even your

if

you've been

first

in

your

day on the job and

in positive thinking.

M AM Aisms 3 There's nothing in the world you can't do once you put

your mind to

it.

3 Always take the high road. 3 Stay on course and expect to be successful,

o

Positive energy yields a positive attitude.

3 Hold your head up high.

Racism but

s a

Black

exposed

It

No Excuse,

Is

Can Be

women

in

a

Motivator

America, you

will

be confronted by or

to racism, but instead of getting angry, letting

it

defeat you, get the best of you, keep you down, prevent you from

growing, exploring, realizing your

full

your dreams, use racism as a motivator Allow the racism that exists

and make you

all

the

it

is

quire the

you

off

to

accomplish your goals.

move you

more determined

no outside forces throw you

what

to

to

in a

sets necessary to

forward direction

achieve your goals so that

make you

balance and

become

lose focus

your objective

set out to achieve. In this case,

skill

and manifesting

potential,

good

a

is

on

to ac-

leader, a better

leader in the workplace.

A

recent Harvard University study reveals that while most

minded managers judge you according

some who judge you according titudes.* that's

It's

subconscious and

made through

commonly

lightning, or gray hair

your merits, there are

to

unconscious stereotypes and

the kind of prejudice that

early on. Things

and

to

is

not overt.

It's

*"How

violence, or Black

at-

prejudice

associations that are learned

associated with each other like thunder

and old age, don't always

coexist.

Consequently, being exposed to images and associations

men and

fair-

women and

like

Black

drama, or Black people and

Unethical Are You?" Mahzarin R. Banaji,

Max

Dolly Chugh, Harvard Business Review, 12, 2003.

H.

Bazerman, and

3

Racism

Is

No Excuse, but

It

Can Be

a

Motivator

1

do

crime, are associations that play out in the workplace just as they

anywhere

else.

As a

result,

have a prejudiced bone

be aware that managers

who

claim not to

bodies on a conscious level actually

in their

believe they are telling the truth. But

deep down, they could be oper-

ating with these thought processes or associations in mind.

Harvard study, subjects

In the

feelings toward, say, Black

be slower

less likely to

than they are

who

believe they have no negative

Americans or the elderly are neverthe-

to associate

Black faces with "good" words

to associate youthful or

words. Also, that "in-group favoritism"

white faces with "good" is

a bias that favors the

do more favors

dominant

culture.

know and

those they feel to be like them; people

People tend

tionality, social class,

and perhaps

power

who

like

who

share their na-

and promotions)

giving "extra credit" for group membership.

who

are different

ing people close to

them

are attitudes that you over, but

need

as one of

many

ship. All the

dividual

Keep

to

amounts

in

is

Whereas discriminating

considered to be unethical, help-

may

face that you obviously have no control

be aware

of. If

it

gets in your way, you must see

it

hurdles you must climb on your quest for leader-

more reason you should go out for

of your

own

way

to

be an

in-

your accomplishments.

mind managers come from many its

to

often viewed favorably. Invariably, these

is

and be recognized

culture has

to

them, they effectively discriminate against those

are different from them. This in-group favoritism

against those

alma

those in the majority or those

allocate scarce resources (such as jobs

people just

for those they

religion, race, employer, or

when

mater. With this being the case, in

to

cultures

and

that

each

prejudice and bias. Nevertheless, you can't

let

other people's hang-ups prevent you from reaching your goals. Find a

way

to ignore, overlook,

and overcome as you pursue your quest.

Don't get mad, get knowledge and experience to

become

the

best leader you can possibly be. Turn racism into the rocket fuel that will

propel you to the next level.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

14

CULTURAL CODE Even though we sometimes workplace, goals.

It

we must

coming entrepreneurs. Look

something

at

it

this

right.

But sometimes

it

to

change

make us

No one

move on

Racism

is

to

many

this far so

to

up

things, like be-

would be

we must be doing

to

keep us moving

These prejudices may

we can channel

this

energy

frustrate us

to

achieve our leadership goals.

Just because other people have problems, don't

make

them yours.

O You

can't

keep a good sistah down

D Don't get caught

up

in

O No one can make you

.

.

You are

just as

for long.

what other people feel inferior

good as anybody

think.

without your con-

sent. 3

.

else.

we

and

make us even

MAMAihmh O

for-

prove others wrong and do whatever

to

in

not an excuse to do less than our best.

their thinking.

more determined

in the

achieving our

of us give

do other

can be used as a motivator

angry, but

at

said the road to leadership

way: We've come

ward because we want can

and work hard

also because of this pressure that

is

the corporate environment and

easy.

and overlooked

feel invisible

stay focused

Mammy

Don't Be the Office

trong Black

Women: We hear the phrase

all

the time. But that

concept can be a double-edged sword. From a cultural standpoint,

many of

us assume the role of Rock of Gibraltar, having to

tervene in family situations

when

responsibility for a relative

whose economic resources

This

compounded with

reality,

woman

as

"Mammy,"

there's conflict or take

on

in-

financial

are limited.

the stereotypical image of the Black

or a self-sacrificing Black

woman who

takes

care of those around her, can easily shift us into the caregiver role.

As a

result,

extending

this

behavior from our families, churches, and

communities becomes a key

failure

you transfer

if

this attitude to

the office. Not to be confused with "Be willing to do what others won't," or refusing to do a task because "rolling

up your sleeves and

leader's job

become you

is

to get things

getting your

done. This

and encourage

own mental and

own

hands

dirty,"

because a

about not volunteering

to

others, but

you should not do so

to the

career and possibly to the detriment of your

physical health.

We

do everything. So don't put yourself you

"not your job," or

the "mother hen" or servant of your department. Of course

will assist

detriment of your

If

is

it's

do, others will put

you

can do anything, but at the

there, too.

we cannot

bottom of your to-do

list.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OE SUCCESS

16

CULT Instead of

CODE

HAL.

IT

becoming the resident

we should

"caregiver."

establish

ourselves as the resident "specialist" with expertise in specific areas.

We

can certainly refer people

they

may

need, but

to others to assist

we should

refrain

direct services ourselves. This shift

everyone

some

who approaches

worth

it

even lead

guilty or

many

a very important one,

others,

Because we may

we may begin

feel

for help trying to carry the load.

"privilege"

of

to

We

responsible for the

it

all,

and

must remember

fail

that

to

our positions and do not need to "pay" for the

being

in

Corporate America by serving others,

MAMAisms You already have the

D If

right to be here.

you don't put yourself

first,

you

can't help others.

:>

No one can be

3

Everything

3

You can never change what you allow yourself erate.

is

ask

we have

whether actually or symbolically.

D

def-

to neglect ourselves, feel

embarrassed when we cannot do

earned the right

is

take

becoming overworked and overwhelmed and can

to depression.

care of so

is

may

long run. Trying to care for everyone's needs

in the

leaves us open to

from "mothering" or serving

us to "referring" them to others

doing, but the transition, which

initely

them with whatever

from always providing those

a

superwoman

not your

all

the time.

responsibility. to tol-

Use Your Duality

ou build your career

to Build

in a corporate

vate personal, spiritual,

and

Strength

environment and

culti-

leisure time activity within the

Black community. Like a chameleon you

move seamlessly

in

both

worlds, yet you also have the double burden of having to deal with

both racism and sexism. Living in this world of double burdens leaves you with no choice

but to be strong. You must be able to get along with others, and at the

same time you must be on your guard. You must know how

play with your peers while at the battle or

same time prepare

compete with them. Make these "burdens"

leadership strategy that will

make you

stronger,

to

yourself to do

part of a single

more

resilient,

and

insightful. It

was W.

among

E. B.

DuBois who

first

recognized this sense of duality

Black people, which he wrote about

Souls of Black Folk, in 1903.

"It is

in his classic

work, The

a peculiar sensation, this double-

consciousness, the sense of always looking at one's self through the

eyes of others

.

.

.

one never

feels his

twoness

—an

American, a

Negro: two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two

warring ideals

keeps

it

in

one dark body, whose dogged strength alone

from being torn asunder."

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

18

CULTURAL CODE Whereas

easy to get pissed

it's

off,

frustrated, or just plain give

because we have so many factors coming

at

us at one time,

up

we must

use these dichotomies to give us strength. With

all

the challenges

we

all

the

face,

able.

makes even our smallest achievement

it

Because we

others than they all

live in the

dominant

know about

the time, but they

may

us.

rarely

We

culture,

more

valu-

we know more about

cross the line into their world

come

into ours. This

is all

the

more

reason to broaden our thinking; read and learn about what goes on

keep up with current events, pay attention

in the world,

makes others

tick

ers think, feel,

so

we have

and what they might do

this process; instead learn

edge

to

a better understanding about

your advantage.

It's

from

it,

next. Don't

embrace

it,

what

how

oth-

be annoyed by

and use

an investment of time

to

that's

this

knowl-

worth mak-

ing to get to the next level of leadership.

MAMAisms o

Life isn't fair.

:>

What

)

Celebrate your knowledge of the dominant culture and

make

doesn't

it

work

kill

you,

makes you

for you.

3 In this case, being two-faced D

Make

stronger.

the best of both worlds.

is

not a bad thing.

Acknowledge That There

Game

a

Is

and Accept That You Must Play

s children

we

learn to play games,

learn they are fun.

games

ing

and

at

As we get older we look forward

then to structured games at

at recess,

an early age we

gym

to play-

class,

move

on to organized games, sports such as tennis, volleyball, basketball, etc.,

including card games. All the while we're learning to play these

games and

getting better at them, our strategy for winning im-

becomes more

proves, our understanding of the rules

and we

still

work a

known a

new

love the objective of these games, which

similar

gaming concept

to win. At

game

applies, although that

one, you are put into play. This happens whether you like

You become a player who gets moved

goals, or

benched where you

marginalized

—or worse,

"fired." That's just the

a big mistake

is

"there's First

in

it is.

moved

to the sidelines

To refuse

Make

it

game

company

where you're

altogether, a.k.a.

to play the

your mission

your environment, and

no shame

in the

game would be

leader,

you

at

to figure out

in

what the

your company. Keep

in

mind

game."

and foremost, you need

To be a

achieve

it

one spot watching as co-workers

kicked out of the

way

to

and automatically disqualify you from participating

the leadership arena. is

in

sit

or other players pass you by, or

ture.

is

as the company's culture. As soon as you land a job or start

or not.

game

sophisticated,

to

understand your company's

can't get into a job

and think

It's

the

cul-

way

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

20

you want

it

The

to be.

culture

thinking. Quite the contrary.

need

to

or

works the other way around. You

Don't say, "That's politics.

it.

tention to

and decide

is

don't

I

be bothered and couldn't care

can't

"I

not going to change to your

It

understand what the culture

a part of

it,

especially

haps you're

in

if

you want

corporate

a

way

is

want

if

you want

know about

to

You have

less."

advance. So learn

to

culture

to

to

of

be it,"

pay

at-

early. Per-

team oriented and

that's

everything

is

done

developed

in

brainstorming sessions and thrown against the wall,

in

groups, or you're

a culture

in

so to speak, in order to see what sticks.

Maybe

where ideas are

you're in a culture

that's highly

competitive or extremely hierarchical or conservative,

or a culture

where you're expected

makes you

you're in a culture that adjust and get over

expect that

if

it.

be vocal and assertive.

to

feel

uncomfortable, you need to

The other option

others feel you're not

If

is

to leave

fitting in,

on your own or

you may get pushed

out.

When new job,

you're just starting out in your career, or just starting a that

is

the time to learn about the culture and pay attention

to the politics. At the entry level

you should be

like a

sponge and

watch and absorb what's going on. Observe who wins, who

and why. You should be aware of what's going on

ment

who ple's

all

gets

the time.

Be an

in

"active learner," not a "passive" one. See

what they want and how they get

it.

Learn from other peo-

mistakes and their achievements. Take notes in your

keep track of

how more

ious situations.

experienced workers are able to win

Make keeping

track of

how

is

PLN

to

in var-

successes are accom-

plished in your department fun, interesting, engaging

game. The lesson here

loses,

your environ-

— make

it

a

learn early and get with the culture by

watching the other players, especially the ones

who

are promoted,

or find another culture that's better suited to your core values so you don't feel like you're compromising your integrity or selling your soul.

Acknowledge That There

Game and Accept That You Must

a

Is

21

Ploy

CULTURAL CODE As adults we may think we're too old even think playing games volved. Others values.

may

We may

ourselves,

take that

think

feel that

which makes

many of

and work the

it's

is

the higher

adjust

thinking that

only to do our job,

it

work

from "You need

to

skills

change"

to

"What can

to play the

I

change?" and

"How can

more

inclined to view yourself objecless personally.

You see what

goes on around you from a different perspective. Learn from bruises and time-outs you get along the way. skills

a leader, you have to be involved.

hang

change. So get

in there,

O

Stay in the

game no

3

It's

It is

the

way

in there,

to

)

Give

you've got.

)

Get on your mark, get

all

in

it

It's

it is.

You have it

The more

slice

it,

in

order to

become

and do your

best.

matter what position you play.

)

be

the

Good leadership requires openness

a real world out there.

to be.

all

you acquire, and the more staying power and

endurance you have. No matter how you

to

1

game. Furthermore, when you think

and take what comes your way

you play the more

you

the politics become. So shift your mind-set

of yourself as a player you're

bumps and

we

for us. Well, the truth

up the ladder you go and the more leadership

change?" and learn

tively

and adapt. But the mis-

we have

nine-to-five or long hours with lots of overtime. But

more intense

acquire, the

in-

deceptive and we're not being true to

must understand the culture and make is,

may

against our spiritual beliefs and

difficult to

it

games. Some of us

not ladylike and choose not to get

games go

make

us

is

to play

to

win

set,

it.

go!

not the

way you want

it

What You Have

to

Say

Is

Just as Important as

What Others Have

to Say,

emember, you are a

A VIP's voice

VIP.

So Speak Up

her strength, so

is

important for your voice to be heard. Use to

express your opinions. However, the

municate

is

munication

just as

to

with confidence

it

in

which you com-

important as what you have to

skills will

Pay attention

manner

often determine

how you

it's

Your com-

say.

will

be perceived.

your tone, your body language, and even your

in-

flection.

You do not have issue, but others

to let

need

everyone know what you think about every

to

know

you have

that

valid opinions that

should be taken seriously. Be positive and confident. Don't think or let

others think that they

know more than

experiences are just as valid as

you. Your knowledge and

theirs.

Depending upon your work environment, you may be accus-

tomed

to a set

way

sions or meetings.

of contributing your opinion to project discus-

What you may

not

know

is

that usually there is a

"communications culture" already established. The

first

step

is

to

observe and analyze the "communications culture" in your workplace so that opinions are heard and ideas generated are encour-

aged and not

stifled,

are speaking to the place, your idea

may

ignored, or stolen. Even

wrong person and/or not be heard or

if

you speak up,

at the

you

wrong time

may be passed

Once you understand how ideas are put forward place,

if

you should use the methods of "speaking up"

or

over. in

your work-

that

make

the

What You Hove

most sense

you work

Say

to

Is

you

for

Just as Important as

to

23

Say

your particular environment. For example,

in

in a place

What Others Have

if

where your colleagues routinely hold discus-

sions in the hallways outside their offices versus at actual organizational meetings, then

you must learn

along with the group.

If,

mal

in the

banter and play

on the other hand, your peers are more

for-

ways they put forward suggestions, and they always sub-

mit written proposals with

then you need

We

to join in the

some

were taught

Sometimes you

to

can't

be

polite,

and data

justifications

to learn to parallel their

analysis,

methods.

but manners don't always serve us.

be as nice as you think you should be or were

brought up to be. For example, being

in a

meeting, you can't always

wait your turn to speak. Sometimes you must speak out of turn to

make your you

point or express your opinion.

to speak, so

jump

when

there

into the conversation.

is

a pause or

The

last

No one

is

going

to invite

the discussion, just

lull in

thing you want to do

is

to

sit

there swallowing your words because no one gave you a chance or

permission to

talk.

Also, don't miss opportunities to let people

you want

to

impress

hear about what you have accomplished, projects you've worked on, programs you're involved with, or future goals you have. There

ways

are

to

do

this in

general conversations without sounding

boastful. For example, share

ment

via email to

your accomplishments

for the depart-

your senior management team so you're able

on ways you add value

to

your department, company, or

ganization without bragging.

If

each person

report

something

to say, or present at a meeting,

are brainstorming

there being quiet. table

and shouting out If

and speak up

is

expected

be prepared. Or

to if

or-

have

people

them and don't

ideas, join

to

sit

you're shy, picture yourself at the Thanksgiving just as loudly as

you would

if

you were

sitting

with your friends and family members. It

rarely hurts to present

medium,

to follow

your ideas through more than one

up your spoken contribution

to a discussion

u nh

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OE SUCCESS

24

memorandum

an email or short credit for

full

crystallizing

your creative thinking.

If

your ideas, so you get

you have made a formal

presentation including an audiovisual program, send your PowerPoint deck, slides, or

CD

with a short introductory note to your man-

and perhaps others as

agers,

Practice speaking clearly

well, as appropriate.

and passionately rather than emotion-

and then speak up on issues about which you and others

ally,

The way you speak about your ideas are

just as

care.

important as the

ideas themselves. The sound and forms of speech you use are just

as important as the message.

If

you do speak up and others dimin-

your contributions, don't get discouraged. For example, speak

ish

declarative sentences. Say

cause

.

.

,"

.

"I

and back up your claim with

of successful ideas that have

facts, stories, or

worked and others

And always remember a

seriously.

will take

positive declaration

is

work beexamples you more

more pow-

than a negative one.

erful

Don't will

think that this project could

in

let

know

others

determine that

to

or see that you're afraid to speak up.

be a weakness, and they

will stop

seriously.

Or worse, they may also stop inviting you

meetings

if

to

They

taking you

important

they don't expect you to participate in a meaningful

way. So remember, the more you practice expressing your opinions, the in a

more confident you

will

become

in

your

ability to assert yourself

business environment.

CULTURAL. CODE Sometimes we tend ciety

to

be intimidated by those

because they have had many

in the

of the advantages

opportunities that

we have

easy to think they

know more than we

dominant

not had. Under these circumstances

can benefit from diverse opinions and

do.

so-

and access

to it's

However, organizations

we may bring

a different per-

What You Hove

to

Say

Is

Just os Important as

spective to the table. Just because

we

we

What Others Have

think others have

25

Say

good

ideas,

should not suppress our own. Don't be too shy to speak up in meetings.

what's being said and

and don't be do

to

moment"

wrong or

if

we have

what you say turns out

We may

to

be

have a voice.

to think

as the problem or issue

inappropriate.

listen to

The best thing we can

credibility, is to

not available,

is

must

an opinion. Ask valid questions

our reputation, and

advance information

Don't worry

in with

afraid to share with the group.

for ourselves,

or "in the

jump

We

is

If

"on our feet"

being presented.

off point

and judged

surprise ourselves with our

own

creativity.

Also, don't

heard.

be surprised

Then seconds

if

later a

you have an opinion and you

sentence, thought, or sentiment and his thinking.

when

this

It

happens often

occurs you

expressed

(call

may want

agree with me," just to

let

aren't

male counterpart expresses the same

people

it

is

heard and congratulated on

selective hearing). In

any case,

to respond, "Great! I'm glad

know

that

you

you had the idea and

it first.

MAMAisms 3 Stop mumbling. Open your mouth and speak.

O

If

you've got something to say, say

it.

3 Always have something to say.

O

Let people

know

that the lights are

home.

O Don't

let

the cat get your tongue.

on and somebody's

Was

Aretha

e

all

want

to

be

Right: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

liked, but as

possible to be respected; ther

down

we must do

everything

respect that will take us far-

the road to leadership. Being liked will attract others to

you because you are

"nice,"

whereas being respected makes others

acknowledge your competence and truly are,

is

it

VIPs

you

will

of your position,

command

you need

to

skill.

By acting

like the

VIP you

respect in your workplace. Regardless

generate a respectful approach to your

work, your co-workers, and your place on the team. Treat everyone as you wish to be treated. You don't have to love them, or even like

them, but you do need to respect them and their positions,

just as

they need to respect you.

What

if

must learn off as

they don't treat you well despite your best efforts? You to deal

being the

with

jerk.

you don't lose your

it

strategically.

Whatever you

cool, particularly

Sooner or

do, you'll if

to

later they will

be much better

do so

will give

come off

if

your man-

agers) or colleagues ammunition to use against you. Under the best circumstances, respect will get you noticed. that's just icing

on the cake.

If

you're well-liked, too,

27

Aretha Was Right: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

CULTURAL. CODE Sometimes we're won't be

liked.

But keep in mind, followers are liked and leaders are

respected. Get the picture? Your goal attain respect,

you must

is

to

be respected. In order

be willing to take a stand that

popular. Leaders are often tested in this way; however,

not to be intimidated by what others yourself.

ceiving

On

new

the other hand,

it's

okay

or better information.

may to

make

second-guess ourselves

a decision,

and we

it's

A good

leader

we become

who

still

Stand for something. Treat people the

O You don't have )

Being popular

)

Leadership

is

way you want

to

be treated.

the only thing that matters.

synonymous with

after re-

open

to

be respected.

be liked to be respected.

isn't

not

to

is

paralyzed,

M AM Aisms )

to

un-

important

change your mind

lose respect.

)

may be

think or to second-guess

changing her position with valid reasons can

When we

we

afraid to take a stand or a position for fear that

friendship.

we

can't

—

Understanding What's Said

Listen Up!

What's Meant

v.

istening

*dk

—the ability to understand and retain information

the single most important of

is

all

communications

and improving your

is

an

is

one of the very best things you can do as a developing

art that takes practice,

tening well

pushed one

is

faster, often

we

talking because

think

skills.

It

as a listener leader. Lis-

we

hardly ever done these days, especially as

do everything

to

else

is

skills

are

all

preparing to speak as some-

we

don't have time to

do every-

thing else on our agenda.

As a

what time,

listener,

is

what

good

is

why you must be

someone is

rule of

before you

in

to try to

hear both what

is

said

and

thumb

is

it

is

to

summa-

order to reinforce your understanding.

in

to first think

compose and

utter

accurately,

and you are more

careful not to respond too quickly or

the middle of listening, unless

being said

what was said

What

is

meant by the speaker. That discernment may take some

which

interrupt rize

your challenge

likely to

about what the person has said

your response.

If

you can remember

you are becoming an

make an appropriate

usually happens

is

that

A

effective listener,

response.

when someone

says glowing

things about you or your work, your ears open wide and you hear

every word. However,

when

less positive things are being said, like

when someone opposes your views

or convictions, or

is

giving you

constructive criticism about your work, you might selectively hear

Listen Up!

Understanding What's Said

29

What's Meant

v.

only those fragments of the conversation that

make you

com-

feel

fortable.

and experience. Work on

Listening well takes practice, patience,

developing

this

very important

skill.

you've heard a conversation correctly

form

in written

Often a quick

summary verbally as

meeting, planning session,

etc.

.

.

is to

"play

"This

in,

a

is

great

.

is

let

any corrections or suggestions." Presenting

know

ers

that

you were

listening carefully,

give you important feedback

portunity to

make

to

sure

back" verbally or

party(ies) involved.

what heard you I

summary Please

way it

by the other

for confirmation

or in written form, "Attached

One

say,"

of our conversation,

me know

this

if

you have

summary

lets oth-

and gives them the opif

you misunderstood

anything that was said. In fact, listening is so

the subject

ment

is

important to leadership advancement that

actually taught at colleges, universities,

and manage-

training centers for leaders (including corporate executives,

politicians,

and managers of nonprofit organizations)

in

many

places around the world. Usually after just one listening exercise,

you

will

be amazed

at

how much more

carefully

you

and how much more you remember of what they It's

listen to

people

said.

also important to be able to "decode" the physical

communi-

cations that are being sent along with the words in any conversation. Practice neutral

your

sitting rigidly

body language and

facial expressions,

and/or frowning during a meeting

terpreted as anger, disagreement, or

is

so that

not misin-

boredom when you may be

only concentrating. Similarly, always take note of the other persons facial expressions,

tone of voice, and physical posture or gestures

while they are speaking, which

may

give you helpful clues as to

they feel about what they are saying. to is not looking at you, fidgeting,

pers, s/he

is

likely distracted

If

how

the person you are listening

fumbling with other objects or pa-

and not focusing on the subject

.it

30

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OE SUCCESS

hand. Your job intent

is

Remember

unclear or confusing.

meaning or

and ask questions

in this instance is to listen

to try

if

their

summarizing the

away" from the conversation and confirm your

''take

understanding with the speaker

to

make

sure you got

it

right.

Long pauses between words doesn't necessarily mean something negative, as the speaker could be shy or modest or

even stuttered

at

an

earlier time in his

when pauses do send messages can be workplace

to you.

the conversation

in

It

subtle messages. Interpreting these

helps to have friends (whether in the

it

the speaker or outside of the organiza-

a conversation

itself.

is

held

is

is

really trying to

often as important as

Often important talks are held in "im-

spots, like restrooms,

ings, cabs, airplanes,

guard.

There are times, though,

life.

teasing out what the person

you

communicate

The place where

own

and

who may know

tion) to assist

promptu"

their

tricky,

may have

company

meet-

cafeterias, off-site

and/or hallways, which may catch you

may be even more

critical that

you remain

alert

and

off

listen

so you not only hear the words, but don't miss the nonverbal cues that are

being sent

in

these "informal" chats that can help you un-

derstand the framing of the message. Never be afraid to ask questions

and leave the door open

to think

to

come back

after

you have had time

more about the conversation.

Even when you are listening

carefully,

you may think

that

your

fellow workers are speaking a language you don't understand.

you are new

to

your workplace, be sure

or nomenclature that

study ing.

it

and begin

It is still

quite

to

to

ask for a

may be commonly used

list

of

acronyms

there, so that

understand the "lingo" that everyone

common

for

many managers,

If

you can

is

speak-

particularly

male

leaders, to outline their business strategies using sports vernacular.

Whether or not you care about

sports,

you do need

cipher what a "full-court press" or a "long pass"

business context.

be able

to de-

may mean

in the

to

Listen Up!

Understanding What's Said

if

think

we know what someone

moving.

We

we

what we want

their motives or agendas.

are not learning

are also not learning to say, the points

when our mouths

when we become

we want

to

to

what

is

being said.

When

are

too focused on

make, or when we spend

time judging whether or not the person speaking

Pay attention

31

trying to say, particularly

is

we make assumptions about them and

But generally speaking,

What's Meant

CODE

C5UL.TURAI. We may

v.

people

wrong.

is

right or

in

business

fail to

hear and understand each other, the results can be disastrous. For

example, an important deadline can be missed or a key detail can

be

left

out of a report or project and jeopardize

quently, your reputation as critically

may

By

feel.

is

listening effectively

what they are planning

listen,

we

success. Conse-

can be impaired.

effective leader

important to take time to

think, but

that

an

its

It

is

no matter how rushed we

not only learn what others

to do.

We

can hear information

important to doing our jobs effectively and inspire us to de-

velop a plan of action or find other ways to prepare for upcoming opportunities. Listening well can also give us clues about subtle or

major changes that may be occurring panies that

we should know

this "active listening."

about.

When we

in

our departments or com-

We should

always be engaged

listen attentively

and

patiently,

in

we

be well on our way to becoming more effective leaders.

will

MAMAihms ;>

You

can't hear

what I'm saying when you're talking over me.

me when I'm talking to make me repeat myself.

)

Look

)

Don't

)

Pay attention

)

How many

at

to

you!

what I'm saying

times do

I

have

to tell

to you.

you?

Always Have

a

Plan of Action

and Follow Through

o be a successful leader you must set goals and objectives

and adjust them as the circumstances

where youYe headed. Goals

lose sight of

fessional

—give you something

They allow you

to

and never

require,

—both personal and pro-

to strive for.

They keep you focused.

measure your success. So

out by setting

start

small goals and build to setting goals that are challenging but also goals that are clear and measurable, and short-term and

realistic,

long-term goals. In order to stay

on track with your goals, make an action

Take a sheet of paper and draw two ing three columns.

want

to

accomplish

sense for you

want

to

On

be

in

the far

left,

down

write

this year. Just write

your current position

in the

from top

lines

all

plan.

bottom, creat-

the things you

down whatever makes

to help

PLN

near future. In your

to

you get

to

write things

where you

down

in

no

my team

to

particular order. For example:

•

I

want

to

achieve •

come up with

its

three

new

strategies for

goals this year.

I'm going to get feedback from

my

boss upon completion of

every project. •

I

•

I

want

to exercise to stay in

want

to

have

my

add

to

my

next job.

shape

wardrobe

to

to look better

and

begin to dress

feel better.

like

I

already

Always Hove •

I

down

will write

33

Plan of Action and Follow Through

a

the results of

my accomplishments

at the

end

of every month. •

I

will take

my

per-

middle

col-

a time-management class to help improve

formance.

Whatever your goals

are, write

umn, put a number next column,

list

each goal

In the

in order of priority. In the right

the approximate time frame for achieving these goals,

such as spring, or by etc.

to

them down.

my birthday,

end of the

or by the

third quarter,

This document then becomes your action plan.

When you

reach one goal, reward yourself. Then

next goal, feeling

empowered by what you've already you get

ting goals not only helps

to

where you want

makes your self-confidence grow even more. works. Set

little

move on

goals.

Meet them. Set new,

to the

achieved. Set-

to go, but

it

also

way

That's the

it

slightly larger goals.

Meet them. Succeed. Sometimes you succeed on schedule, sometimes things will take longer to achieve than you thought, sometimes your goals will change. The point

plugging away

to

move

is

to

keep planning and

forward.

CULTURAL,

co

i> f:

It's

important to find the discipline to keep a record of

It's

the only

what we do

why

way we grow and advance for granted,

we're stuck in the

your goal

is

then others

same

all

to the next level.

will too,

is

If

we

we

do.

take

and then we wonder

position doing the

leadership, your action plan

that

same

thing. Since

an important

tool.

So no

excuses. Start creating one today. At the end of every day, week, or

month, whatever makes sense

ments and compare them

to you, write

to the goals

down your accomplish

you have

set for yourself

II

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

34

you

feel

then do

)

you need so,

to

add

in smaller

goals to reach the larger goals,

but stay on track.

There's no time like the present.

}

You don't get any dessert

)

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

)

Plan your work and work your plan!

)

Don't just talk about

it,

until

do

it!

you eat

all

your food.

Don't Let Your Emotions

Get the Best of You

r

-

^ xercising self-control over your feelings

^ as mastering the Emotional Intelligence — and

skills of

and something

know

it

you'll

it's

your

is

job. There's a

not taught in schools;

be evaluated on

at the office

or not. Emotional Intelligence has to

term

for this:

a

life skill,

it's

whether you

do with how you man-

age yourself and your relationships. You've heard of IQ

gence Quotient. Well, including

EI is all

how you handle

important

just as

—the

Intelli-

about interpersonal effectiveness,

or react to various situations, especially

those that tend not to be in your favor.

You have

all

faced challenging situations in your lives and some-

times these tests occur in the workplace. Although

imagine when you are going through a

it

may be

difficult situation,

it

It

is

is

to

true

you en-

that lessons can be learned from every experience that

counter.

hard

with this in mind that you should reevaluate your per-

ception of tough times at work and view them as opportunities to learn. In other

words, challenges are sometimes

just the kick

you need

to recharge, renew, and reinvent.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, cursing ing a

fit,

said, or

or

slamming the door

examine what

is

to

your

someone

office, listen to

happening and sleep on

it

out, throw-

what

is

being

before you re-

spond. Get angry someplace else, not at work. Take a step back and give yourself twenty-four hours to cool down.

Sound

off in a letter,

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

36

but don't send

Go

it.

to the

Getting angry to the point of

may cause you

it,

to

tially

after

work and get on a

where others

treadmill.

become aware

in the office

say something you'll regret, which of course,

a smart thing to do. In

isn't

gym

fact, it's

a huge mistake that can poten-

jeopardize your current position as well as prevent your ad-

vancement. In

most cases, you have a negative reaction

view as

difficult

or unfair. Emotions

are protecting yourself

however,

may be

and

that the

to situations that

would have you think

in

you

you

The problem,

leveling the playing field.

way

that

which you react can put more of a

disparaging light on you than on the situation. Rather than letting

your emotions drive you, think about what you from your reaction. "Think"

ways

are several

is

the operative

to look at a situation

and

word that

things through before you react. In other words, to

be levelheaded than

to

prove you are

lowing questions: What are the choices like the

end

outcome

result to

that

when you

I

efit to

•

you

gain or lose

here.

there

better to think

it's

it's

Know

more important

Ask yourself the

fol-

can make? What would

be? What strategic moves can

I

make

I

to get the

want? Oftentimes you can turn the situation around

react in a

utilize the four

right. I

will

nonemotional and strategic way. Learning

to

areas of Emotional Intelligence can be of great ben-

in this regard:

self-awareness:

Acknowledge the problem and how

it

is

affect-

ing you. Learn to understand your emotions and evaluate your

tendencies during these •

difficult

or challenging situations.

self-management: Develop a strategic plan to get what you need.

What do you want

to

happen

if

you

act or

do not

react to

the situation? •

social awareness:

How might the

son involved? Think about and going on with the other person.

situation look to the other pertry to identify

what

is

really

37

Don't Let Your Emotions Get the Best of You

•

management: Show

relationship

get results. Use

flexibility to

your understanding of the other three emotional intelligence skills to

manage

Each one of these utilized

interactions.

skills

can be learned with practice and can be

throughout your career.

Emotional Intelligence

is

being aware of your emotions and

those of others. Your objective

to preserve relationships, not to

is

create adversaries. Emotional Intelligence allows you to take your

game

to the next level.

You become the one

manage your emotions and do

not

in control

when you can

people or situations keep you

let

from accomplishing the career success you deserve. You need a high degree of EI in order to become an effective leader.

CULTURAL COOK When is

things don't go our

a negative emotion.

where the

way some

We

to go, finger-point,

of us tend toward anger,

might get pissed

do the neck-rolling

in silence.

By taking time

to identify

we can respond more understand

why

already know.

If

effectively.

tions

can't take

it

and behaviors

into

anger and

react by

find out

it

were made, even

was because you

corporate mission, then you

and

and turn

blaming

get defensive.

Do your research on

right skills, then get the right training. in the

which people

our feelings and consider our reactions

certain decisions

you

Some may

tell

in the

makes people

others and passing judgment, which

that

thing,

Angry Black Woman. Perhaps we might hold

disappointment and suffer

and

off

If it

you think you

didn't

was because

know you have no

personally. Monitor

feel

have the

of a

change

control over

and adapt your own emo-

for the benefit of yourself,

department. Don't automatically

if

the issue to

your team, and youi

defeated or paranoid thai oth-

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

38

ers are out to get you.

It

is

not an automatic sign of defeat to not

react to a challenging situation but rather a sign of emotional turity.

Always

stick to the facts

and make sure you have the

ma-

right in-

formation before you react. Be smart in more ways than one.

If

you

do damage control

if

you

don't

manage your emotions, you have

explode. You

may

to

find that the only thing to

do

is

to

suck

it

up and

apologize directly for your emotional outburst. You're allowed only a few of these incidents before you get labeled the Angry Black

Woman, which

is

a far cry from the successful Black leader that

you're striving to be.

MAMAihms )

He who angers you,

)

Don't say anything until you hear the whole story.

)

Let

>

Never

)

It

is

it

go let

like

controls you.

water rolling off the back of a duck.

them see you sweat.

better to sleep

on things beforehand than

awake about them afterward.

to lie

Developing Good Relationships

With Co-Workers Has More Benefits

Than You Think

ne of the prerequisites

becoming a good leader

for

is

to like

people. You cannot be a truly effective leader, the kind that

people want interests in

to follow,

unless you care about others, have their best

mind, and understand

relational skills are

how

they think and

weak, your leadership

will

always

feel. If

suffer.

your

To im-

prove your relationships you must:

•

Get the focus off yourself and care about others.

•

Smile at people, whether they are senior executives, receptionists,

•

or

work

Make others

in the

mail room.

feel special. Call

them by name. You never know

you may need them: The person

become your boss

•

Show

for a

promotion or new position.

interest in people, share

ences; include them, (but don't •

Give

department may

one day or may be the person

or sponsor

who recommends you

in the other

if

someone an unexpected

common ground and

tell

gift;

them

all

experi-

your business).

something you make, bake,

or buy. •

Make time

to chitchat

around the

office watercooler, kitchen

area, elevator, or cafeteria (but don't gossip). •

Know tion,

and

that

good relationships involve more than

just

coopera-

but also humor, playfulness, exploration into the world, time.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

40

Understand that maintaining a good relationship

•

is

easier than

repairing one.

CULT URAL CODE We

tend to stick with people

able around those to befriend others that's

what

colleagues.

who

who

We

are also inclined

same gender

or age because

are culturally different.

who may be

feels safe.

look like us and feel uncomfort-

the

Challenge yourself to expand your

circle of

Broaden the spectrum of your relationships. Being

cliquish doesn't

work

to

our advantage.

It

doesn't increase our uni-

verse or help us expand our learning. Save the cliquish behavior for

personal friendships. In the workplace the key

is

be a people per-

to

son, since as a leader you'll have to represent, influence, problemsolve,

communicate, and

ways on many

in

general connect with people in

many

different levels.

M AM Aisms not what you know, but

who you know.

)

It's

)

Keep your friends close and your enemies

3

Always

try to see the

good

closer.

in people.

O The same people you see going

up, you see

coming

back down.

O You can catch more vinegar.

flies

with honey than you can with

Communicate

Person and on Paper

in

o matter what your job nicate art.

Clearly

and do

it

well.

is,

you must make time

Communication

Even though you've been communicating

communication

all

both a

your

commu-

skill

life,

and an

effective

a whole different animal. People will judge your

is

intelligence by the

nounce

is

to

way you

speak. For example, whether you pro-

the letter "g" at the end of your verbs

sciously or subconsciously

education, despite the fact that you

example, you need

to

One

others con-

let

may have

of the

It

doesn't matter

first

level of

a college degree. For

check whether you say "goin'

"going," or "axe" instead of "ask."

the office, you can't.

may

draw conclusions about your

if

"

instead of

others say

things you need to do

is

it

in

make

sure you have a handle on your grammar. Using correct sentence structure at

and improving your mastery of the English language

cabulary,

the only ten.

times, enunciating your words, increasing your vo-

all

way

you'll get

Having the

your ideas understood and have others

ability to

communicate

is

the only

way

is

lis-

leaders get

people to follow. You'll

need

influence,

effective

and motivate

communication others. You'll

skills to inspire,

need these

skills to

persuade,

make

var-

ious presentations, pitch ideas for marketing campaigns, deliver facts that support

or

make

your work, or when you're ready

a case for your promotion.

to

ask for a raise

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

42

Written communication

is

just as important. In this

ness communication and electronic mail, most nications are

done

in writing.

means

company commu-

You must know how

you're insecure about your writing

world of busi-

to write.

necessary. There are adult classes, night school at

You want

to practice

if

you must learn by any

skills,

nity colleges, universities, online classes,

And

and books

commu-

guide you.

to

both verbal and written communication at this

point in your career, so you'll be prepared for the opportunities that

come your way. Nonverbal communication

is

to

be taken seriously as

you don't say speaks volumes about you. Stand up nals self-confidence.

Be sure

you're addressing.

there

If

to

is

make eye

more than one person

Make

•

to help

in the

sig-

room,

meaningful

in a

clearly. Just

watch your tone, and always come across as

Here are some exercises

It

sure your voice conveys

confidence and control. Speak up and speak tant,

straight.

What

contact with the person

then this applies to everyone. Use hand gestures way. Don't fidget or appear nervous.

well.

as impor-

friendly.

you along:

Write a speech and practice delivering

in the mirror.

it

Look

at

your body language, eyes, neck, and hands. •

Listen to your voice

Would you

How do

on a tape recorder.

believe you?

Would you

trust

•

Visualize yourself speaking to a group.

•

Make a presentation using examples

you sound?

you?

to

support your claim.

Take yourself through an actual demonstration or idea you're nervous, stay focused

•

If

•

Take a class

to help

and keep breathing.

you with your presentation

your company would even pay

pitch.

for this training

skills.

Perhaps

—for example:

Toastmasters. •

Like anything else, the

come.

more you

practice, the better you'll be-

Communicate Clearly

in

43

Person and on Paper

CULTURAL CODE Some

of us

may have grown up

ferred to as "talking white,"

hearing proper English being

which was always used

in a

re-

derogatory

and accusatory way There are many among us who were teased because of "talking white" and adopted not talking white as a way of fitting in.

and

The

First Lady,

Michelle

Obama,

credits her success in part to her

guage.

would

remember

"I

say, 'Ooh,

that

growing up

that

means, but

tells

command

of the English lan-

my

neighborhood who

there were kids around

you

talk funny.

You

talk like a

my whole life. thought, am still getting my A.' " I

I

students to aim high

Obviously, improper communication

is

white

girl.'

i don't even

1

heard

know what

not going to cut

it

in the

corporate world or in any environment where there's opportunity for

advancement. Many of us didn't have the advantage of going

to

prep or private schools at the elementary stages where the basic

grammar and communication

skills of

back,

wasn't that long ago that the Brown

it

decision attempted to

guage

are taught. To take

is

learned at

make education

home

first,

in

v.

it

a step

Board of Education

the classroom equal. Lan-

then at school. But

if

your parents or

grandparents didn't receive the best education, or have access then

it's

up

to

you

to

do the work

to claim

it

for yourself.

should be no embarrassment about brushing up on these

keeping a dictionary handy

need

it.

Also

computer.

If

know how

to

in

your desk drawer

is

a specific

presentation that

way

for advertising

There

skills

and

case you

there are dif-

communication. For example,

different than

making a

present a marketing campaign idea. There

copy

know

of organizing your thinking to

may be

it,

use the dictionary and thesaurus on your

you've already mastered the basics,

ferent formulas for various types of

there

just in

to

is

make

a sales

creative pitch to

a different

way

to write

than for writing a press release. Find out the

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

44

writing style that applies to your department and/or company, learn ions,

how

to

use

it

to

and make your

communicate your

points. For

and

ideas, express your opin-

whatever industry you're

in,

there's

a style of communication that you must study, learn, and practice.

MAMAisms )

Speak

like a lady.

O Use proper speech )

o )

Choose your words

for

proper times.

carefully,

E-nun-ci-ate.

Speak as

if

you're already in charge.

Know Your Value

on't confuse

worth self-worth

is

determined by your assets and resources. Your

determined by your level of self-confidence and the

is

value you have to

offer.

ing your self-worth

comes

is

When

it

comes

important. This

No matter how

handy.

in

your net worth with your self-worth. Your net

your organization, know-

to is

when your PLN

definitely

big or small, take account of

all

your accomplishments and write them down. Each time you do

something worthy, write credit.

Keep

else will,

mind

in

and

that

down

it

if

or else you won't give yourself

you don't give yourself

that's for sure.

You need

to

credit,

know what you've done

and not depend on other people, including your boss, of these things for you. This

spend your time doing and self

why

is

it

is

valuable.

skills

is

you have

to

to

do

know what

that job.

to forget to write things

for granted.

it

And

need

made

to

down, or worse, take the

to the

company and

to

is

do

is

take

exactly the

skills

and con-

use as leverage to negotiate more

and more money. So when you ask

be able

that you're

the last thing you want to

kind of documentation you'll need to articulate your

responsibility

is

how you

Because you're busy,

yourself for granted. But keeping track of these details

tributions to the

keep track

matters to the company. You need to justify your-

and why you're getting paid

the tendency

to

your responsibility. Knowing

You need

no one

for a raise, you'll

to point to at least five contributions th.it

company. For example,

you'll

want

to state

you have

how you

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

46

saved the company money, came up with a the

way your department does

what

business,

idea that changed

com-

projects you've

and under budget, or what new

pleted successfully on deadline

company

counts you brought into the

new

ac-

or sales expectations you

exceeded. You also need to keep account of year-to-year or month-

to-month accomplishments ent.

This

is

to evaluate

how you determine your

To add value your outside

community

may

consider what you do in

social

group? Also consider any

nonprofit position you hold, to see what skills

ities

It's

and pres-

organizer, block association officer, or

committee head of your sorority or

job.

sets past

Are you a church leader, volunteer

activities as well.

hospital worker,

skill

value and self-worth.

your position you

to

your

quite possible your boss

may

may

transfer to your

see your extracurricular activ-

as assets that can increase your responsibilities at work.

C In general,

we

l T L.

XURA

OO

L.

tend not to pay attention to our accomplishments.

tend to take ourselves for granted because jobs. But the truth

work every

we may

day.

is,

all

lar basis.

thing

we

can't lose sight of the skill sets

not necessarily equate

that

we know how

we do

it

with a specialty or

professionally

we

We may

be amazed

to consider is

of us are leaders in church.

to see

skill.

We

do our

bring to to us,

But

we

and personally and write

we've accomplished, and continue

we need

to

Because much of what we do comes naturally

should assess what

down

K

L>

to

do so on a regu-

how golden we

are.

The other

our outside work. For example,

We manage

many

projects, people, build

teams, oversee committees, are responsible for balancing budgets

and work flow but we may not think about these actions and sponsibilities as skill sets.

You should be able to look at your

outside and inside the work arena to

know your

value and

re-

skills self-

47

Know Your Value

worth. Mention your outside skills to your boss and

may be

perceived differently, and

an available position

higher

at a

when

level,

there

is

who knows, you

an opportunity or

you may be considered

for

M a\ M ^\ isms: 3

Don't be afraid to stand

D

You're worth

o Always be )

more

me

and

stick out

your chest.

than the whole wide world,

prepared.

Your self-worth

o You

to

tall

are worth

is

more important than your net worth,

more than your weight

in gold.

it.

To

Measure Your Performance, Get Feedback

ou may think you're doing a fabulous job and you probably

need

are, but you'll

matters most, the one fied to give

you a

who

raise,

to get confirmation

from the person

reviews your performance, and

who

quali-

is

bonus, or promotion: your boss. Feedback

helps you grow, develop, and gives you a chance to correct your mistakes. You're fortunate

you work

if

feedback and reviews on a regular basis.

be proactive and ask feel

for

it.

They think giving negative news

or simply don't

growth,

know how

formation that measures

and

results.

If

feel

to

is

company

you

Giving feedback

uncomfortable because they don't

conflict instead of

for a

don't, you'll

to

negative news.

for interpersonal

uneasy about the process

approach

have

makes some managers

like to deliver

an instigator

how well you

that gives

in general,

But feedback

this task.

is in-

achieve your work objectives

So when you have your feedback meeting, don't

memory. Review the notes of your contributions

rely

that you've

on

been

tracking in your PLN. Use the information to prepare for this meeting.

During the meeting ask relevant questions about your work and

seek guidance.

come

into play.

It's

also the time

Be sure

when your good

to take notes

listening skills

on your feedback and most im-

portant, don't take negative feedback personally.

about your performance, not personal

criticism.

constructive criticism, which you will because

Remember And

if

this is

you receive

nobody

is

perfect,

To

know that these

49

Measure Your Performance, Get Feedback

are areas for

of your time, energy, focus,

So that you continue

improvement

and attention

to get the

that simply require

to

develop a better you.

feedback you need, ask for

perhaps quarterly or semi-annually as the case

ularly;

definitely after the

more

completion of a big project while

may

it's still

it

reg-

be, but

on

fresh

your manager's mind. Of course not

all

feedback

negative. Positive feedback should

is

give you reassurance that you're

moving

in the right direction

and

you should keep up the great work.

CULTURAL. CODE We

tend to assume that

even stay

means

late,

when we show up

for

work, do a good

the fact that we're operating on

that we're right

on

track.

all

eight cylinders

However, there are times when

could not be further from the truth. Just because your boss criticizing

doesn't

your work or reprimanding you

mean he

performance.

It's

sequently, even

to

if

to tell

you how you're doing. Con-

to do. In addition to this,

be open

hearing honest feedback from your co-workers and others you

on a regular basis as

nize your performance

have

to bring to

well.

As your boss begins

it's

to in-

to recog-

change and see your growth (which you may

her attention),

she'll

see you as

the performance feedback seriously, which ticed

It's

overall

she feels uneasy about giving you feedback,

something you must ask her

teract with

not

then.

make any assumptions about your

your boss's job

is

this

doing a good job

way every now and

doesn't think that

your responsibility not

for not

job,

is

a

someone who good way

takes

to get no-

and rewarded.

On

the other hand,

sometimes we sabotage ourselves by Ignoi

ing constructive criticism

and refusing

to

change. Othei times, we

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

50

get an attitude

and

which block us from

internalize these feelings,

moving forward, and being stuck prevents us from growing. eral,

be open to feedback, use

evaluation,

it

as an opportunity for

and make appropriate changes

performance

if

to

Always do your best and don't

O You

can't

Don't get stuck in the mud.

)

Never miss an opportunity about yourself.

)

settle for less.

change what you don't know.

)

Don't take

it

personally.

to learn

self-

your behavior and/or

necessary.

MAMAisms }

In gen-

something new

Perception:

Not Only about

It's

How You See

nee you

settle into

your position, establish routines and

re-

back and look outside yourself, as

lationships, take a step if

Yourself

you're having an out-of-body experience. Try to see yourself the

way

others

may

see you.

How would

would they think of you? What people perceive

is

what you think of

others describe you?

their perception of

is

what they usually

believe.

So

What

you? What

reality is not just

what others may think of you

yourself, but also

as well. In the

wrong

arena of leadership, perception, no matter

to you, is reality to

ple can perceive the to

make

same

those who

if it's

right or

perceive you. The fact that peo-

thing differently puts the pressure on you

sure you project and reinforce a positive perception and

change a negative one.

Many

organizations provide and offer 360-degree feedback sur-

veys so you can get a sense of

when your team,

boss,

how

others perceive you. This

is

and co-workers answer questions about your

performance and rate your effectiveness as a leader, manager, or employee.

If

you don't have access

you may want

to

do an informal

to

360-degree feedback surveys,

testing of the people

you work with.

Ask them what they perceive about you, or what they believe about you, to gain knowledge of yourself and take fact they are

away then

truths,

if

in

comfortable enough to give you honest and const iik

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

52 tive criticism.

Open and honest communication can shed valuable

insights into your

performance and behaviors.

If

you

find there are

a few issues or areas that need improvement, pick one or two things to focus

Do

on

first

and work on improving them.

others see you as the kind of person

who

simistic, disorganized, a loner, or inflexible, or

someone who comes

to

work energized,

is

and pes-

lazy

do others see you as

detail-oriented,

is

and

player, a strategic or big-picture thinker,

is

a team

someone who

is

is

compassionate and understanding? Perception

is

the process by which people select

and gather sen-

sory information to create a meaningful, rational picture of the

make

sure that others' perception

What people

think of you will determine

world around them. You want of

you

is

a positive one.

whether they

to

will follow you.

CODE

CITL.TIRAL, Sometimes we are so comfortable what we're doing and we're others

may

really

think of us. In addition to

what others think of us

is

our jobs because

in

good

at

it,

this,

that

we

we know

overlook what

sometimes we may

feel

unimportant as long as we're doing great

work. But what others think

is critical

to

our learning more about

ourselves and to becoming good leaders. There's a school of

thought that "perception

something we need

to

is

reality."

pay attention

Whether to.

We

it's

true or not,

should check

in

every

now and

then, take a glimpse of ourselves from the outside-in

be open

to opportunities for self-improvement.

stantly learning.

it's

and

Leaders are con-

Perception:

O Look

in the

It's

Not Only about

I>1I

A AI A

How You See

Yourself

ix-yin

mirror and see a reflection of your true

self. 3

Don't

lie to

others and don't

lie to

yourself,

o Perception is reality. D Nobody is perfect, but work on your 3 It's easier to

imperfections.

look outward than inward.

53

17 Seek Guidance and Support

o one becomes successful

from the help of others

knowledge and are

who have more

We

and personal boards

and you should seek

to benefit

from

all

benefit

experience and

willing to offer guidance, feedback,

port. Mentors, sponsors,

just that

by themselves.

all

and sup-

of directors can

of

do

them during your

professional career.

A mentor

is

lationship with

a trusted adviser,

and from

whom

someone you have

established a re-

you can seek advice. Mentors

—yes,

—can provide you with words of wis-

you can have more than one

dom

to help

you navigate through a host of issues

that

you

will en-

counter during your career. They can be someone within or outside of your organization or in another industry, different perspectives that allow

you

to

and they usually

make

offer

better decisions re-

garding the issue at hand.

Although many expect

mentors

their

should also be open to individuals gender. The upside of this

is

that

who

it

to look like

them, you

are a different race and/or

can broaden your horizon and

point of view by diversifying your thought process. Having different

perspectives allows you to

make

better decisions in your position as

a leader.

A mentor

should be a role model, someone

who has

values and

behaviors you wish to emulate. Whether you pick a mentor or a

mentor picks you, one thing

is

for certain:

You

will usually

advance

55

Seek Guidance and Support further, faster,

you navigate

Many

and

in

less painfully with a

life to

help

to

an organization

to gain exposure,

help you to bring others along. lationship

a

is

that offers one, sign

up

be a mentee or a mentor. Organized mentor pro-

to

grams allow you

it

your

your career.

you belong

If

immediately

A

in

organizations and industry groups have formal mentor

programs.

you get

mentor

two-way

street.

meet and learn from

others,

and

Remember that a mentor-mentee

re-

You give support and guidance and

in return.

sponsor, on the other hand,

is

an individual who

is

influential

and powerful and can have more impact than a mentor. A sponsor has the

ability to get

you the exposure needed

son of influence has the ear of other your accomplishments also have the

power

to

to

advance. This per-

influential

people and brings

to the attention of others in the

advance your

career.

company who

Whereas you know your

mentor and you seek advice from him/her, you may not ever know the person "talk

who

is

acting as your sponsor. This individual

you up" and help form others' opinion of you, or

change

others' opinion of you.

Your sponsors

even when you are not around. They're tain"

whom you

Then there team. This

is

another but

never see, but

is

is

like

the one

the

will sing

if

is

to

necessary,

your praises

"man behind

who makes

going

the cur-

things happen.

your personal board of directors or your success

a group of individuals

who know you from

who may

or

may

not

know one

a variety of perspectives

and can

help you navigate to reach specific goals. They are trusted advisers

who you tivity,

reach out to because you value their opinion, their objec-

their

knowledge and experience

est or need. They, like

in

your specific area of

Inter-

mentors, offer advice and feedback, though

The individuals on your

per-

sonal board of directors will vary based on your objectives but

may

usually in a specific area of expertise.

include trusted friends or relatives and/or profession.il advisers

such as an attorney, accountant, or career coach.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

56

CULTURAL CODE None

of us can find success

proud

to

out.

on our own.

ask for guidance from those

trusted advisers in our

them

all

It

life,

we

should

we

We

should not be too

trust. If

make

it

we do

not have

our business to seek

takes support and guidance to help us navigate the cor-

porate landscape and

we should

use every opportunity available to

not be shy about reaching out to us.

MAMAis>is 3

Seek wisdom from your elders.

D

It

takes a village to raise a child.

)

Don't be afraid to reach out.

J

If

D

Two heads

you need help, don't be afraid are better than one.

to ask.

Surround Yourself with the Right People You Cannot Survive

in

Isolation

lways surround yourself with smart, confident, and positive people. These are the kinds of people

do anything folks

who

—the

who

think they can

"super crowd," the "movers and shakers," the

are doing things

and going

"about something," the go-getters.

can align yourself with those

who

places, the people

And will

if

among

who

are

these folks, you

support you through good

times and bad times, through sunny days as well as the storms, congratulations!

You now have additional people

team. This doesn't

mean

that people

have

to

add

to

your success

to necessarily

agree with

you and validate your point of view, but rather they can help you gain a broader perspective by presenting a look at the upside and the downside, considering other options

and bringing new

infor-

mation into the picture. The right people can come from professional associations, alumni groups, clubs,

organizations.

you

to

people

They can help you gain new perspectives

advance all

and personal

in

your career. And they don't have

the time.

They don't have

to

to

interest

that allow

be the same

be the same race, gender,

age-range, or religion as you. But you do need to have your success

team

in

place to go to for help, guidance, or just to listen. Sur-

rounding yourself with the right people

will

always be beneficial.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

58

CULTURAL. CODE **)'

\:-'

We're so used to running ourselves into the ground that

have

to

do

it

all

alone. Nothing

is

farther from the truth.

surround ourselves with positive people. With also

need

to let negative

people go, even

friends. In order to survive

along the road

to

people you can

one who

tells

and

this

becoming a leader you need

is

Always know

and remember two

to

that the

need

to

we

develop a group of

one person

in.

we

work environment

for

guidance,

listens to

a cheerleader in your corner,

shares insights about the industry you're positive supporters

We

being said,

you about networking events, one who

who

think

they've been longtime

thrive in the

trust for different needs:

while you vent, one

•

if

we

you

one who

You pick your team of

things:

members can

rotate in

and

out.

Always keep the door open so new members are welcomed on

•

your success team

at

any time.

MAMAisms 3 God didn't make us to be by ourselves. )

You are who you surround yourself with.

3 Don't

O No

o

If

let

other people bring you down.

woman

you

lie

is

an

down

island.

No woman stands

with dogs, you get up with

alone, fleas.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

|o

become

a leader, you must step outside your comfort zone.

In order to reach people, inspire

must

be able

first

to

and motivate them, you

connect with them. Since this

is

the case, you

must associate with

others. Invite colleagues out for a cocktail or

coffee after work, or

go out

may

co-workers

to

dinner or a movie. Just because your

not look like you or

come from

background as you, doesn't mean you begin

to

be open

to

new experiences.

don't invite you along, ask

if it's

they won't say no. Getting to

same

become

to

to lead

even

know people and

leader risks.

who

in their thinking. In fact,

establishing rela-

all

there

is

and helping

all, if

will

your goal

be diverse,

no such thing as a

kinds.

They have

to feel

new knowledge and comfortable

Stepping outside your comfort zone applies

well as to the

in

experi-

various situa-

to socializing as

way you approach your work. Volunteer

at the office

and do something you've never done before. Accept demanding signments; you learn ones. This takes

good, but

is

doesn't step outside her comfort zone and take prudent

Successful leaders are open to

ences of tions.

the leader you aspire to be. After

only

Chances are

to invite yourself.

your co-workers, know that your followers

if it's

and

others go out after work and

tionships are key to creating your team-building skills

you

culture or

can't shift your thinking

If

okay

the

much more from them

some courage because

at least

it

the

as-

than you do the easy

outcome may not be as

demonstrates that you're interested

in

youi

own

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

60

development.

And

ture.

It

you

also prepares

don't be afraid to

fail.

for difficult challenges in the fu-

You only

you don't

fail if

try.

See vol-

unteering as an opportunity to examine what's being done in your office versus what's not it.

being done and then take the

Get your boss to notice.

work, act

like there is one.

you may not consider but

it's

If

all

to

there's not

Be

proactive.

initiative to

an actual suggestion box

You have

to

do at

do things that

be part of your normal job responsibilities,

a part of acquiring

new

and moving

skills

to the next

level.

CULTURAL, CODE Familiar surroundings

make us

step outside our comfort zone

comfortable

makes us

it

that's exactly the stuff

feel or

how

often, regardless of

scary

it

is. It

good leaders are made

internal: external in the

fortable with people

sense that

of; that's

who may

not share our

backgrounds and venture outside the

and professional circumstances; to volunteer to

do things

yond our normal

role

and

we need

is

both external

to feel

more com-

same experiences

office with

them under

son

who

tries

in life consistently display

new and unexpected

crises

come along

something new and steps up

remain engaged to

else to

dire situations.

—

be on

fire drill

you be the per-

to the plate.

People

who

an attitude of openness

experiences. They also tend to be

because they are open

social

we need

responsibilities, like volunteering to

someone

or

environment that extend be-

a task force, help organize a health day at your job, or be captain. Don't wait for

to

un-

what

exactly

internal in the sense that

in the office

how

takes courage, but

makes us grow. Stepping outside our comfort zone and

we need

However,

feel "safe."

more

to seeing opportunity in

good

in

even the most

61

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

d Don't

O

be afraid

to try

something new.

Don't get stuck doing the

same

ole thing the

way. D Stick your toes into the deep end of the pool. )

Make

)

Try

it,

that leap.

you might

like

it.

same

ole

20 Regardless of Your Position, Learn about Your Department,

Your Company, and Your Industry

here are

many people who

drome: having

their

head so

suffer from the Ostrich Synfar in the

sand that they focus

only on the job they are doing. You have to learn about your job,

what's going on around you,

and your industry able,

and

and

in

order to

to you.

in the

become well-rounded, knowledgeit

marketplace and

creative in

to

in the

world affects what

your competition, and eventually will

help you to do a better job

coming up with solutions

ideas to do your work

tions that will

make you more knowledgeable

what happens

Expanding your knowledge

and be more

new

your department, your company,

successful. Not only will

interesting, but also

happens

in

have value

more

for

efficiently or

to

problems or

make recommenda-

your department. As you make these

kinds of contributions, you begin to take on more of a leadership role.

So

it's

wise to stay current with what's going on

in

your de-

partment, company, and industry, and with the business world in general.

CULTURAL. CODE We

tend to stay focused on our job and our paycheck

should become familiar with It's

all

aspects of the industry

when we

we work

in.

a huge mistake to be limited and not expand our knowledge, to

Regardless of Your Position, Learn about Your Department

ignore what's going on around us and not understand forces impact

we

don't get

scription.

want

Then we

do.

how

external

get broadsided

if

promoted because we're only focused on our job de-

much more.

But becoming a leader requires so

to get

skills;

and influence what we

63

...

ahead, others need to be aware of

that includes your

broad knowledge and

all

If

you

your talents and

ability to think out-

side of the box. Subscribe to the Harvard Business Review, read the

Business section of The

New

York Times, Business Week, and other

business journals. Join industry organizations and read the trades that report all

on your

the pieces

that will give

industry. This will help

work and begin you something

to put

to talk

them

about

you

to

understand

together.

in

It's

how

information

meetings or around the

watercooler or cafeteria, or the topic you talk about with co-workers

when you

step outside your comfort zone.

M .% M A

I

SMS

D Learn everything you can. Knowledge 3

To be competitive, you've got

D

The more you know, the

)

Don't limit yourself to your

)

Whatever you do, be the

to

better

best.

power.

do your homework.

you

own

is

get.

backyard.

21 Owes You Anything

Entitlement: Nobody

ometimes you may

woman, you have

a

when you watch

white and male, seem to

enough and you deserve

suffered

have what you want and have Especially

because you are Black and

feel that just

it

now.

We

members

refers to the

having

to learn

is

through their careers and become

sail

skill

cessful, while also

cultures.

us)

of the

dominant culture

effectively

and

especially

if

to

dominant culture

it

to

our

feel

order to be suc-

in

own

very distinctive

you have

and multifaceted and

yet

to

keep yourselves

you are so used

aware of the many

shifts

to

operating

you make

efficiently in different circumstances.

to

in this

many

that your "competition"

only on his or her career.

way

communicate

But sometimes,

you are working very hard and competitively,

seems

be multi-

so that you can function seamlessly in any setting

exhausting to have to be aware of so

when

nondominant

master the language, cultural mores,

woman you may

find yourselves. Often

that you're not

our society not

in

culture, while those

remaining connected

cultural, multilingual,

you

have

sets of the

So as a Black

fully integrated

"crumbs from the

for

about the cultural differences and strengths of the

members (meaning and

away

a concept called "white privilege" that

nondominant members of the

interests,

to

feeling.

while others, usually, but not always,

great successes while you are "slaving"

corporate table." There

understand that

it

can be

different things at once,

may be

able to stay focused

Some young women it

of color

seem

made," because they were able

grow up

65

Owes You Anything

Entitlement: Nobody

to

to feel that they already

go

to certain schools

"have

and/or

communities. They don't seek guidance from

in certain

more senior women executives

in their

company mentoring programs

or career development training ses-

sions because they think they already

ahead. While this

to get

may be

you grow discouraged as you

workplaces or participate

know what

true for a

they need to

few of you,

far

in

know

more

of

away, not talking to anyone and

toil

not seeking feedback from your managers, peers, or even your

members, because you think you must do

friends or family

yourselves.

Some

of

you may have grown up

in a

environment because your families were able vantages for you. Be blessed and grateful for

you

that just

because of

one

who has worked

else

it

new "star" on your job. going "you

to

have

exist,

to

be

at

On

to afford certain ad-

but don't expect

that,

be skipped over every-

made

probably not going to happen, and

the

that's

with you, at least for a while. The idea that

therefore you deserve" far in the

is

not a sound one, and

workplace although

it

it's

not

may work

for

home. the other hand,

because no matter to

very comfortable

hard as you have to be

just as

It's

OK

going to get you very

you

will automatically

all

it

move forward

about your

some

how

of

you don't think

hard you

try,

you

can't

you'll ever

seem

make

to get a

it,

chance

or catch the ear of your supervisor. You're doubtful

abilities

and lack confidence

obviously smart and capable. You

although you're

in yourself,

may spend

a

lot

of time worrying

and complaining, and too often "whine" your way out of your job while you

tattle

on everyone

else:

"So-and-so has only been here

three

months and she got a promotion, why

know

the

that's

why he moved up ahead

manager doesn't

ing hard but not "smart,"

like

can't

me, but he sure of me."

Some

I

likes

of

get one?" or

"I

so-and-so and

you may be work-

and not learning from your experiences or

your environment so that you can

map

out a strategy for

moving

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

66

forward. Just because you are working very, very hard you are not

guaranteed

move

to

advance, and your "sweat equity"

may

not always

the needle in your quest for leadership positions.

No matter when

or where you were born, you probably have

women

learned about the injustices Black people and

faced in this country (and others in the world), or

in general

maybe you have

even faced some of those injustices yourself. Regardless of how painful your experiences have been, in order to

and strong

ways

to

need

to

leader, you're

move

going

to

have

to get

forward without being angry or

become

a capable

over them and find bitter.

You

certainly

be aware of racism that can be very direct or very subtle

the workplace, but you cannot

let

You should not spend so much time treatment, for any reason, that you

down.

get you

it

fail to

in

feeling entitled to better

take every opportunity to

put your best foot forward by being a team player, performing every

work

new

responsibility promptly

and

efficiently,

volunteering to take on

challenges, and seeking out information and training from oth-

ers (no matter

what they look

like)

who can

help you.

No matter

what the past has been and no matter how talented and smart you are now, you're not automatically entitled to

even have or keep your current

job, or to

may owe

a

civil rights

have

to

huge debt

to

position.

Although you

is

that

nobody owes you anything. You

it.

The best leaders earn on a

a leader at your

your parents, teachers, or community and

leaders, the truth

work! So get to

become

their place in the

daily basis their leadership skills

world and demonstrate

and experience. They don't

believe they are automatically entitled to their status or position be-

cause of any past experience or time focused on

how

to

injustice,

and usually spend

move themselves and

leading forward. Learn from them.

their

the people they are

Entitlement: Nobody

67

Owes You Anything

CULT URAL CODE From

centuries of being denied equal access to education

ployment, that

we may

we have

looked

like

to

feel a

sense of entitlement based on the notion

"make up"

for all those lost years

us were treated so

War, each freed slave

and em-

unfairly.

was supposed

when people who

For example, after the

Civil

and a

to receive forty acres

mule, as decreed by General William Sherman, but that decree was later

rescinded by President

civil rights

advocates believe

so that they could

become

Andrew Jackson. Many

self-sufficient is the root of the

what we may think about these

we

are

Think about

it.

still

If

we

progressing.

historical theories, in the

for

them,

skill sets

we may just

wait and wait

and consequently, we

can become embittered and unhappy while

We

modern

believe that we're entitled to certain rights

and privileges without working

We

economic

our country today.* No matter

not entitled to anything.

and not plan or grow our progress.

and

land to slaves

this failure to distribute

disparities of wealth that continue in

workplace

historians

also give

away our power

uations by waiting for the entitlements

to

will not

we

are not

improve our work

we have decided we

sit-

de-

serve.

We

must strategize and become responsible

steadily increasing our responsibilities

for

ourselves,

and seeking or creating op-

portunities for advancement. In doing so,

we can use our

sense of

entitlement to motivate us in our quest for leadership success.

*"40 Acres and a Mule," BlackHistory.com. "40 Acres and a Mule," Wikipedia.

"White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack," by Peggy Mcintosh.

[HE LITTLE BLACK

BOOK OF SUCCESS

MAMAisms who has

)

God

)

You have

)

You're responsible for you.

)

There

bless the child

is

to

her own.

earn what you get to really appreciate

no elevator

to success;

you have

stairs. )

Let the

work you've done speak

for you.

it.

to take the

The Values You Were Raised with Aren't Always Valued

Do

in

Church

Business

in

unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Thou

shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not bear

false witness against thy neighbor.

Turn the other cheek.

he Golden Rule, The Ten Commandments, and other parables

some

of us

and teachings from the Bible are among the values

grew up with

in church.

And you

don't have to be Chris-

what are the proper param-

tian to share these basic principles. But

eters of religious beliefs in deciding what's right for oneself in the

business environment and ration as a

its

it's

respecting what's right for the corpo-

whole?

In general,

cause

in

it's

in the

important to

its

company's best

reputation in the marketplace,

its

ability to attract

best

and the brightest employees, and

tain

its

standing

in the

interest to

be ethical be-

function as an organization, to

to

its

and

integrity,

retain the

be competitive and main-

community. But don't get

it

twisted:

The

ethics of business are different from the ethics of religion. If

you accept

that

navigating a corporate environment

"game," the nature of "game" automatically

and

distrust of the other players. After

to win. Subsequently,

you are not

all,

in the

calls for

a

competition

the object of the

game

is

game

with your friends,

is

bill

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

70

and as

rather opponents,

in

poker or bid whist, there are times when

you must conceal your own strengths, knowledge, and Bending the

exaggerating a

truth,

rules of the

right

at

example,

from

that differ

on Sunday

pulpit

"be nice" or "forgive and

life,

but have negative consequences for

work as you pursue your leadership

Biblical principles

may

to

are the

business you should forgive, but never forget), can have

(in

benefits in your personal

you

—these

and wrong

Sunday school or from the

in

mornings. Similarly, a mother's message forget"

numbers

story, inflating the

game, the standards of

what you learn

intentions.

using them to your advantage, manipulating the

rules,

sometimes

telling the truth, the

position.

collide with business ethics. For

whole

truth,

and nothing but the

truth,

translate in the business world as "telling the half-truth," "with-

holding the whole truth," or telling the

"new

little

white

lie

— making up a

truth" for the sake of a better business strategy, solution, or re-

mean missing an

business telling the whole truth could

sult. In

portunity to

make

a killing by generating as

much

closing a deal, creating a strategic partnership, or successfully

and marketing

ing

learned

it

may

op-

as possible,

profit

sell-

a product. In other words, truth telling as

we

put you at a major disadvantage in business deal-

ings.

However, you draw the

whether or not you

feel

line.

How

far

your decision

respect, personal integrity, sleep, or

science.

No one

deliberately create

nesses

will

is

going

ill-will,

to

your opportunities for growth.

to lose self-

to

generate

hostility or

if

you allow

religion to

be a good person within an organization, but there

be times when your moral values is

cause you

depend on

in the workplace, chances are the workplace will

limit

Ethics

will

weigh heavily on your con-

tend to respect your religion,

still

it

but you will be tested. Even though busi-

your thinking

will

will

want you

limit

You can

you push

the study of right

may be

called into question.

and wrong, or more

broadly, the explo-

The Values You Were Raised with

ration of

what

is

good.

in

Church Aren't Always Valued

When

you're obliged to carry out an order

from your boss that challenges your personal ethics you

come

conflicted. But

keep

in

mind

that business

that in this environment, decisions are gality,

and

profit. If

ness ethics, you

may wind up all

may even be •

at

initiated

may

be-

not personal, and strategy, le-

spiritual versus busi-

an

stressed, with

migraine

ulcer,

of the above.

The higher up the ladder you dilemmas, not only

is

made based on

you become torn between

headaches, hives, or

71

Business

in

more you

go, the

your company, but

some

at

by you. Examples of

this

will face ethical

point the

dilemma

might include:

Your boss demands that you reprimand, terminate, or take

some

other action against

someone on your team with which

you do not agree. •

You are requested

promote someone who

be more energetic because of

to

older person has •

to hire or

You discover

their

more experience and

that your

is

it

needs

to

believed

age even though the better qualified.

company makes

standard material so that

is

a product from sub-

be replaced more often,

subsequently driving unnecessary consumer spending, yet yielding bigger profits. In the workplace,

home, or

at

you can use what you've been taught

school for

you address the

much

ethical

of your

life,

dilemmas you are sure

of us

may go

into the business

righteous, thinking decisions will be

we

will

fair,

do and not do based on our

church, at

but don't be limited by

it

as

to face in business.

CULTURAL CO Some

in

I>

K

environment being

self-

declaring there are things religious upbringing

and

staunch principles, without weighing the pros and cons and allow-

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

72

ing ourselves to bend the rules, be flexible, and play the game.

Being successful doesn't have

to

be

at

odds with being

game

challenging enough that the rules of the

changing and that

takes

it

when we may have

work

to

spiritual.

It's

are constantly

keep up, but there are times

compromise, or modify our own

to sacrifice,

personal beliefs because there are larger forces at play, namely, the corporation, for us.

raise

and what

is

best for

we know we

For example,

and are disappointed

might be solely attributed else

is

if

to a

we

may

not always be what's good

are deserving of a promotion or a don't get

it.

The reason

for this

business strategy, namely, someone

being groomed for that position, or there are limited

we

sources, so therefore fair,

it,

but that's the

way

can't take

it is.

However,

that's a different story that will

it

if

personally.

life

may

seem

not

you keep being passed

be addressed

viously there's a problem. However, you

an individual and

It

in

re-

over,

another chapter. Ob-

now have two

lives

as a businessperson. You have to

—

life

as

live life in

both these lanes along your drive to achieve leadership success. The

bottom the

line is

same

we can be good people and be

successful leaders at

time.

M AM Aisms D All is fair in love

O There is

is

no challenge that can overtake you when God

on your

o You

will

and business.

side.

know

the truth and the truth shall set you

free,

o To

thine

own

self

o For we walk by

be

faith,

true,

not by sight.

Not Everyone Has

e have

had

all

While

is

it

no

different in the corporate work-

not usually necessary for you to betray your moral

whom

center or befriend people

order to advance,

it's

Be Your BFF

"go along" to "get along" from

to learn to

time to time, and place.

to

it

is

essential that

you absolutely cannot stand you

find

different kinds of people, including people

may be

gious, or other views that

You may also have

to participate

might be fun

it

identify,

rarely

work with many

who have

political, reli-

diametrically opposite to yours.

working and communicating.

work with the people you consider your

to

Best Friends Forever (BFFs) and

you may

to

on or even lead teams where peo-

ple are used to very different styles of

While

ways

in

who

share your likes and dislikes,

have that opportunity. You

wherever possible, as much

will find that

common ground

it

helps to

as you can in

order to bridge the gaps of individual differences. Ask yourself the following questions:

•

What can

•

What in

•

is

a

I

agree on with

common

goal

I

this

person or group?

can establish that everyone can invest

and move toward?

What time

lines

can

I

help to set that honor everyone's abilities

and constraints? •

What resources can team?

I

help to identify that will suppoit the

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

74

How

•

can

I

make assignments

team can display •

What

else can

I

his or her best

do

As you move forward

that ensure

make

to

in

member

of the

work?

this project a success?

your career,

occasionally you will have to

each

we can guarantee

that at least

work with people who are immature,

ignorant, incompetent, hostile, dangerous, or otherwise difficult (passive-aggressive, selves,

and

into

still

Sometimes a heart-to-heart

is

Sister"

that help

at

tricks

you keep

talk with the challenging

person can

down

with the person and try to find out

really bothering her, e.g.,

she doesn't really want to work on

sit

the project or believes that she had been promised (read,

bag of

get the job done.

work, where you quietly

what

these occasions present them-

your "Big Girl/Big

and inventive solutions

pull out interesting

your sanity and

When

etc.).

you must reach

more

home or

important) role on

is

sick (or

maybe

assume

it.

sick

and

that

least understandable)

in these instances.

you know why a person

cause of the way they look, sound, or

you might be surprised

act. If

is

why someone

is

Be

prickly just be-

you do a

little

to learn that there is a perfectly

reason

different

tired of her current position),

can be a great help

etc. Effective listening

careful not to

is

some

Or she might be facing difficulties

research

good

(or at

having an "off" day,

week, month, or year. At times you will have to just agree to disagree and decide to

work together because the pretend to be the spect yourself

difficult

project

must be done. You don't have

person's best buddy, but you can

and them, be professional

keep your distance except

for the times

in all of

re-

your dealings, and

you have

them, and then you should "do the right thing."

still

to

to interface with

Not Everyone Has

75

Be Your BFF

to

CULTURAL CODE Too often we tend

to like or trust

hang out with people who porate world, everyone

have

to

be identical

tionships

We

same way we

many

and we should take advantage

many

to

do, but in the cor-

of

different kinds of rela-

of those categories.

all

know and becoming comfortable

many

kinds of people in

look like us. or

or associate with really doesn't

There are

can benefit from getting

with

We

feel the

we work

to us.

who

only people

different settings

and

should look for opportunities to demonstrate our

above any

difficult

situations.

ability to rise

circumstances and galvanize a disparate group

of individuals into a productive team.

When you

can find

common ground among

regarding a business matter, their parts in getting the ful

and valuable

leader,

deed begged,

can lead

work done and

more

of

an investment on

establish

you as a thought-

to

no matter what your actual position may

You must create new ways (including your

it

very different people

to

respond

own) and thus ensure

to

complaints and criticisms

that

you

on greater responsibilities

to take

will

be

in the

invited, in-

workplace.

MAMAI8MS )

Sometimes you must go along

)

Keep your friends close and your enemies

)

Don't put

}

You don't have

)

all

to get along.

closer.

of your business in the street. to like

people

to get

along with them.

Both "good" and "bad" people have lessons you. Learn from them

all.

be.

to teach

24

Always put something aside of your eggs in

at the ready.

for a rainy day.

one basket.

)

Don't put

)

When you

)

God won't close a door without opening another.

all

work-

put in place for ourselves

plan in progress does not have to be cast

can give us ideas for opportunities that

in the

are too comfortable you are not growing.

but

it

—

29 Bring Your Brand to the Table: Blend into

the Crowd While

Being Yourself

Still

ou may already have developed your personal "brand"

work and the way you carry yourself

that style of

uniquely yours.

you have not done so already, now

If

the time to establish your signature brand.

means

and thoughts erful.

level of

would be great

it

if

you

that

is

positive

early

and

Become an

helpful,"

expert in an area that

is

always

You late

and

and pow-

one who

is "al-

no matter what the purpose of the meeting. is

important to your organization

and make sure you are known as someone who that area.

sets

your brand identifies you as

the "out-of-the-box thinker" in your group, or the

ways

skill

awareness, perceptions, images,

that people identify with

For example,

definitely

always associated with you.

that those features are

Your brand should create a

is

Personal branding

taking the best aspects of yourself and your

making sure

is

that

certainly don't

want

to

indispensable in

is

be branded as the person

who

and giving excuses about why her tasks have not been

completed. You also want

to

be careful not

to imitate

someone

else's

branding characteristics, unless they are actually also yours. Fake or imitation personal branding

found out as a

someone

else's

liar

work

is

not pretty, and you will certainly be

or branding-identity thief style

without making

it

Determine what your current reputation like

it

to be.

There

is

no need

brand or your vision

to let

if

you simply copy

authentically yours. is

and what you would

your current job

for yourself. Instead, think

title

dictate

about

your

how you

95

Bring Your Brand to the Table

would

be remembered and what you want

like to

Then begin

to "live

your brand" and watch

to

how you

be known begin

for.

to stand

out from the crowd and distinguish yourself from your peers. You

should never be afraid to capitalize on your differences in a positive

and

strategic way.

you

will

you don't create your own brand,

may not

really great

company encourages

among

its

creative thinking

and em-

workforce, so hopefully you are in a work

where you can be yourself and be appreciated and valued by

your fellow employees. The longer you work, the more you ognize what your special strengths are and to

like

associated with you.

is

braces diversity setting

if

almost certainly be branded by others, and you

the brand that

A

Remember,

will rec-

how you can add

value

your organization. To truly be yourself, work cannot be your only

focus.

you

You need

to take

time to enjoy personal pursuits that nurture

physically, mentally,

and

spiritually.

a source of strength and you must keep

Your it

own

well-being will be

intact in order to lead oth-

ers effectively.

You should be able

to

nourish your hobbies

—African dancing, for

example, traveling internationally, tutoring children or adults

your community

who have

difficulty reading, or collecting

created by artists of African descent ests outside of

work

will

—without fear that these inter-

impair your reputation at work. Rather,

these special interests should help to balance you and

more

in

works

make you

interesting to your employees.

Organizing and participating

in

sporting events where you are

not the leader of the group or where you have to be coached by or

shown "how and

to"

by others

is

a

vulnerability to your team.

thing well

is

good way Showing

humbling and allows people

appreciate you)

that to

your humanity

you do not do every-

see you (and hopefully

in a different light.

When you expose skilled, curious,

to display

both your skilled, strong self with your less

adventurous

self to

your employees, you

may be

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

96

more

surprised to learn that people like you more, are

willing to

share themselves with you, and as a result work harder for you. People are often intimidated by

agers,"

and

identify

what they perceive

more with people who

to

be "perfect man-

human and

are

flawed,

just like they are.

In order to

keep your personal "brand" up-to-date and

must regularly conduct ership style (and

sonal

life) is

self-audits

and evaluate what

working well

for you.

others. Don't be afraid to experiment with to

management,

and

their

per-

ongoing

you can become a better leader of yourself and of

effectiveness,

your team

you

your lead-

By reviewing your

and work habits and challenging

traits

in

real,

particularly

who may need

changes

in

your approach

where you have diverse members on

varying amounts and kinds of direction

attention.

CULTURAL. CODE Too often we believe

that

we must

look, walk, think, act,

and even

smell like everyone else in order to be counted as a valuable team player with leadership potential. Instead, individuality

and our

cultural strengths

boring remake of someone else's work

be afraid

to

be ourselves, although

we

often

and our brand becomes a life

and

we must

style.

continue to grow and develop respect most: those

than they already are.

who

we can become

are not afraid to

We

must not

also be willing to be

brave enough to challenge the authenticity of our

we

end up losing our

own

brand. As

we

the kind of leaders

become even

better

97

Bring Your Brand to the Table

MAMAisms )

Become known

as the expert without overshadowing

others. j

Raise your profile to help advance your career and

in-

crease your market value. D Never be afraid to

march

sonal drummer, even

if

to the beat of

your

own

no one else can hear the

music. 3

Brand yourself and be your brand!

:

Be

yourself! That's enough.

per-

30 You Don't Need

Have

to

the Answers to

All

Take Advantage of the Opportunities

when you

here will be times

Know

know

ognizing and accepting that you don't issue

is in

fact a strength

permission

When

to

this

know

just don't

you are not alone. This happens

that

and takes a

to

the answer.

everyone. Rec-

answer

the

to

every

level of maturity. Give yourself

admit you don't know. happens, stop and evaluate the situation

at

hand. Give

yourself time and space to think about the issues and consider the options, allowing you to

make informed

decisions.

what information you

need

make an educated

What research

sion.

will

is

in

order to

Ask yourself

needed and how can you obtain

you know who may be able

it?

deci-

Who do

help you?

to

Recognize that you are smart and afraid to ask for help to get the

trust

answers

that

your gut. But don't be

you need.

CULTURAL CODE We

usually think

ceived as being

than

we

we ought

weak

stretch. Just

complish

know

or stupid.

give ourselves credit

and eliminate self-imposed

some

to

The

for.

truth

Thus

limitations.

know that it is so

when we

everything so

it

is,

is

we

we

won't be per-

usually

know more

important to understand

However,

to

satisfying to see

step outside our comfort zones.

do

this requires

what we can

ac-

You Don't Need to Have

This

is

All

99

the Answers

a good time to be flexible and open to learning

and new ways

of handling situations. Let

common

new

things

sense be our

guide.

As women, we tend

to

pass up opportunities

we need

our heads. Instead,

and then be prepared

to practice

to get the training

move forward using our

skills,

we

feel

and information needed

common

some

risks.

We

only grow

when we push

3

If

to

ask for help.

you need a helping hand, you

will find

one

at the

end of each of your arms. 3

It's

easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for per-

mission. 3

Walk by

>

You'll

faith,

not by sight.

know what

to

ac-

ourselves beyond

NANAI8M8 Smart people are not afraid

sense.

may mean

what we already know.

3

to

risks.

Taking advantage of opportunities such as these cepting

over

having a can-do attitude

experience, and

Often the rewards far outweigh the

may be

do when the time comes.

What You See Where

there

is

What You Create

Is

no

vision, the

—(PROVERBS

s a

woman

have

day tasks

you're naturally

to "do" things to get

to perform, projects to

You have a strong command

people perish.

29:18)

good

at executing

complete, strategies to execute.

of the details of your job

complish your objectives. And when you're good are your

company

keep you

want you

will

in that job.

So be

ship roles the rules of the different set of skills.

manager from

a

careful.

is

to speak,

and have a

•

continue doing great work and

As you step

vision

advancement. You must be able bird's-eye

to

ac-

chances

into bigger leader-

learn to use a

of the things that distinguishes a

good leader

ganization, or industry

to

and you

at a task,

game change and you must

One

because you

your job done. You have day-to-

good

—a quality you must have for

stand on top of the mountain, so

view of your team, department,

or-

and do the following:

Think about and anticipate events that

may impact your

team,

organization, or industry. (Trust your intuition about develop-

ments •

your

field.)

Simplify or streamline complex situations or processes, such as

work •

in

flow.

Consider

new

business that

open new revenue streams. •

Develop new

strategies.

may

help generate revenue or

What You See •

new

Identify

Is

101

What You Creole

or unexploited opportunities in the business envi-

ronment. •

Look

•

Have exchanges with people inside and outside your organiza-

at the competition.

tion.

new ways

of doing things.

•

Be open

•

Challenge yourself and inspire others to think out of the box,

to

outside the status quo. •

Look

your company's mission statement and make sure your

at

vision supports the overall mission. •

Do your

research.

trends in your

Read books by

field. Visit

futurists to look at

emerging

websites for information and inspira-

tion.

Ask yourself

:

new

my

•

What's

•

What's different?

•

What's the next big thing?

•

What can we do

•

What can we do more

in

industry?

better? efficiently?

•

How

•

What's working and what's not working?

As you begin write

we do more?

else can

to think

them down

in

about your ideas

to

formulate your vision,

your PLN. Then when you're ready,

sell

sion of the future, your vision for change, with your team, to their

thinking in case they want to

give you feedback.

Then

make any

your

and

vi-

listen

contributions and/or

ultimately share your vision with your boss

and/or stakeholders. Being forward-looking, imagining exciting

gaging others

to

possibilities,

share your view of the future are

and en

some

ol

the

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

102

things that distinguish leaders from nonleaders .* In

fact,

a recent

Harvard Business Review study reveals that the number one

quirement of a leader is

that a leader

is "trust."

re-

But the second biggest requirement

be "forward-looking." In other words, that she be a

visionary with an eye toward the future. You have to look inside

yourself for vision, use your imagination, instincts, and experience to think of the possibilities.

What you see becomes a

vision that will

lead you to create.

CULTURAL CODE Too often we get bogged down job, to

running a

dream

then!

We

jectives,

sion

is

big

tight ship,

day-to-day of doing a great

in the

and playing things

safe, but

and go out on a limb and take a

tend to operate based on concrete

and pride ourselves on our people

risk

it's

every

skills.

But creating a

obvi-

very different than compiling data for a report, meeting sales

or supervising inventory or client accounts.

with the big picture it's

now and

facts, quantifiable

quotas, dealing with suppliers and customers, producing cials,

important

—

a creative

way

coming up

of looking at the future. In fact,

often these very talents that bring us

level roles that

It's

commer-

can also be obstacles

management success in mid-

to

us taking on bigger leader-

ship roles. So craft a strategy based on a view of the business as

opposed

to

a view of a function, and begin making "vision" one of

the things you are

By the way,

all

known

for.

the rules that apply to creating a vision for your

team, department, and organization, apply to creating a vision for

yourself— for building your

own brand and

painting a picture of

*"To Lead, Create a Shared Vision," by James M. Kouzes and Barry Posner, Harvard Business Review, January 2009, p.20.

Z.

— What You See

who you want in

to

be and

Is

103

What You Create

how you want

to

show up

as a leader

Chapter 29.

MAMAisms 3 5

Name it and claim it. A visionary does not follow where there

o Don't

limit

is

no path and leaves a

trail,

your success.

}

The best way

}

Keep your sky.

a path; instead she goes

to predict the future is to create

feet

it.

on the ground and your eyes on the

are

32 Use Conflict as an Opportunity to Solve Problems

ecause conflict can make you

want flict.

to avoid

They use

situation

it

it.

feel

uncomfortable you

may

However, good leaders aren't afraid of con-

as an opportunity to take a step back to evaluate a

and improve

it.

The key

to resolving conflict is to

the issues involved rather than the personalities.

these issues you must

make every

Once you

effort to resolve the

look at identify

problem by

doing the homework where appropriate and within a reasonable period of time, depending upon

how complex

the problem

is. If

don't tackle the problem within a reasonable time frame you

run the

risk of costing the

become

less productive

morale,

illness,

company money because

due

to

the

team may

feelings of anxiety, stress,

absenteeism, resentment, or even

you

may low

hostility.

Interpersonal conflict always warrants a solution sooner rather

than

later,

way

to resolve interpersonal conflict

since this situation

is

also counterproductive. is

The healthy

through a face-to-face con-

versation to discuss the issues and your feelings. Your objective

not to score a personal victory, but rather one that

makes

is

the most

sense to foster collaboration with your co-worker and maintain a healthy work relationship to achieve the goals of the department.

The main thing above

all,

to

is

not to hold a grudge or dwell on negativity, and

keep your emotions out of the conflict-resolution

process. So instead of putting a Band-Aid

on

conflict, dig

deep and

105

Use Conflict as an Opportunity to Solve Problems

solve the problem.

Coming up with a whole new

plan, or process to achieve goals will

new

solution, a

be rewarding. This

an op-

is

portunity for you to think creatively, for you to take a risk, try some-

thing new, change the status quo. Relationships are extremely

important will

in business.

And

through your relationships that you

it's

be guided along your leadership path, so don't burn any

bridges along the way.

CULTURAL. CODE Sometimes we tend

to

run away from conflict and think

pear, or just as bad, pretend like

doesn't exist and allow

an elephant hiding underneath a

times

we

we have

think

gaging others

thumb

is

is

always something

to listen.

gether.

When we

when we have

allow find

the facts

Out of these differences

information,

new

your negotiating

to sit there

Another mistake

some-

is,

in

life,

and show

but

it

isn't

always

The

to

be learned from

all

sides to air their differences

it.

some common ground

we can begin

that

is

rule

to build

to put the pieces to-

opinion, opportunities, and

options will arise. Also, this skill

it

to resolve conflict ourselves, instead of en-

and we do the research, we can upon, and

rug.

to help. Conflict is a part of

negative. There of

it

disap-

it'll

a

good time

you can mediate

to

new hone

difficult situa-

tions.

At the end of the day, not only does

with people,

it's

But the reality at resolving

it.

is,

good karma

to

it

make sense

to get

along

maintain and value relationships.

in life there is conflict,

and leaders need

to

be good

106

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

MANAI89I8 )

Out of chaos comes opportunity.

3

Every adversity brings a benefit of some kind.

;

You are not learning when your

)

Growth does not come without

^

No

pain,

no gain.

lips are

sacrifice.

moving.

Don't Be Defeated by the Madness

Keep Your Sanity

ever, never,

never stop believing

When someone

criticizes

in yourself! Just don't

you or your work,

try

do

it.

not to take

it

personally and look for the nugget of useful feedback that you

may

use to improve your performance on your

job.

actually

want

to

Everyone knows what

it

is like

you planned and you begin situation.

You must learn

your realizing

it

there

rageous action

to question

that

—you

got to a particular

and other times whatever

is

taken against you

—you're

accused of a crime,

may be tempted out.

to read

you

someone

We recommend

feel is

the

that

beneath you,

riot act,

may seem. We

all

know

of colleagues

and have said or done things they

strain yourself,

an action was taken

in error, or the

did not have her facts straight and

your boss. Gather as to

do or whether

to

many

who have

later regretted.

sometimes the problem

difficult

not waited to If

you can

will resolve itself.

re-

Perhaps

sender of a damaging message

was corrected by your peers

facts as possible before

do anything

pack up

you impose a "24-

hour rule" and take no immediate action, no matter how

act

hap-

terminated with prejudice, you're abruptly down-

your things, and walk

this

is

do with you.

sized to a completely different job that etc.

be going as

a potentially explosive situation and a really out-

is

you're laid off or

to

how you

to

sometimes change happens without

or being prepared,

pening simply has nothing

When

when nothing seems

at all.

or

you decide what

108

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

Once you have gathered

the information you can, you should

all

speak with someone you can

really trust.

peer or more senior employee

who has your

in

may be

your workplace, or

company. You must be able

you choose

to confide in

That person could be a best interests at heart

a friend or mentor from outside your

be completely frank with the person

to

and you must also be able

to receive the

advice he or she gives you without overreacting in case you disagree.

You may ultimately decide losing the war.

or your

work

If

will

that

winning the

battle

is

not worth

correcting a mistaken impression about yourself

make you appear

you would be wise

to

to

be a "nitpicker" or "whiner,"

overlook the matter.

major mistake has been made

that has

On

the other hand,

been wrongly attributed

you or a member of your team, then you must take steps that perception,

even

if

if

a to

to correct

you must take on an equal or someone more

senior than you. Be sure to garner as

much

support as you can from

your peers and higher-ups before you make your move. Just because

you decide

to accept a decision

not comfortable, or that appears at least plain wrong, doesn't

people can

now walk some

"land mines," likely

bump

mean

into

of

all

that

with which you are

initially to

be unfair or

you are a "wimp" or a "wuss" and

over you. Business settings are

which

just

are not so clearly

rife

with

marked, and you

some uncomfortable circumstances

that

will

you might

not have been able to anticipate.

For example, a problem you might experience supervise a siderate

one

new employee who

and who turns out

else high

up

in

to

is

is

being asked

to

not particularly competent or con-

be related

to

your manager or some-

your company. You must keep good records and

give constant written feedback to your

new direct

report, so that

you

can demonstrate that you gave clear and consistent instructions to the employee that she did not or could not follow.

you

feel

about

this person,

No matter how

you must also give her the opportunity

to

109

Don't Be Defeated by the Madness: Keep Your Sanity

improve work performance and document every instance when the goals you set are not accomplished. You aison in your to see

human

you could arrange

if

other position in the for

for the

company

which she might be better There

whether

may be

may well come a

li-

to

to an-

suited.

when you

will

have

to

draw the

more personal reasons. Right

when you

a successful leader. In fact,

be transferred

(preferably in another department)

time

for moral, legal, or

employee

and you need not abandon your principles or

find that

able to consult a

resources or people development department

line,

right

is

beliefs in order to

be

may

decide to speak up, you

you are respected even more because of the courageous

stand you take. Don't be afraid to trust your instincts. Whether you believe you must report an action or proposed action because of

your duty under law or you of isn't ethically correct, fallout that

may

find that

may be

for the inevitable

occur and should probably speak with an attorney

company

outside your

you are aware

just feel that the situation

you must be prepared

someone

in

for advice before taking

any

action.

you

If

your company has actually broken the law, you

required by the codes of business conduct to report the

ille-

gal conduct to the top lawyer, often called the general counsel, at

your workplace. There are whistle-blower statutes that protect

in

some

states

employees who report the unlawful behavior of

fellow employees or managers, so be sure to check to see

if

their

you are

protected in this manner.

CULTURAL

CO

I>

Sometimes we may give up too soon because we are

K afraid.

beaten or defeated by our circumstances and aren't sure that

be successful where

We

are an

we

are.

We

We

feel

we can

must stay strong!

amazing people who have survived many expel

Lent es

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

110

no one, not even some of

us,

much more

we may

manager

past a difficult

make

agers get

them

to

than

resilient

it

thought

work

or

we

could get through.

believe

and we can

We are

certainly get

some workplaces man-

setting. In

a point to set employees against each other to try to

work harder

to

produce the best products or bring

in the

most revenue. This cultivation of infighting and supercompetitiveness

may not

leads to

such a work scramble

to

particularly

We

bring about the best results for the

unhappy and frightened employees.

become if

must

that

ing out, then

have no to pick nity.

does not

suit

we

If

We

we can about our

we

rights

style.

and then

the situation might be improved by our speak-

we must

resolve to

do

so.

If,

on the other hand,

managers

doing the right thing, then

must learn

in the unit,

our personality and work

up our marbles and go home or on

whatever

often

find ourselves in

and "underminer"

are not protected and the

interest in

company and

we

not begin to doubt ourselves and

the best "fighter"

find out everything

decide what to do.

clear that

we must

setting,

If

to

it

of the

may be

to the next job opportu-

maintain our integrity and keep our dignity,

MAMAI8MS }

Do not

3

Remember

3

There are some battles not worth fighting, even when

other people that

kill

your

joy.

you always have choices.

you win, and others that must be fought, even lose.

those crazies get you down.

3

Don't

3

When you do

let

is

better for us

decide to do.

let

it

company

decide to

fight,

aim

to win!

if

you

Know How

to

Create and Use Power

ccording to Webster's Dictionary, power

is

a possession of

control, authority, or influence over others: the ability to act

or produce an effect. Force. Energy. Strength.

Oftentimes

when you

think of

power you immediately think

highest-ranking person or the one in control. However, power

only about hierarchy to

and

it

is

more about

power by

is

not

relationships, influence, access

To

control over resources, as well as opportunity.

leader develops

of the

good

a

start,

effectively building relationships, getting

involved with organizational activities, with decision-making processes, generating

new

ideas, increasing her visibility,

and expanding

her role across boundaries or departments. Based on research, the

lowing characteristics are important ganizations:* Energy, endurance,

for

and physical stamina; the

focus your energy and to avoid wasted it

effort; sensitivity,

possible to read and understand others;

respect to selecting various

willingness to engage, or, in

to

holding great power

means

when

in

flexibility,

fol-

in or-

ability to

which makes

particularly with

order to achieve your goals; the

necessary, in conflict

and confrontation,

other words, a certain degree of personal toughness; the ability

submerge your ego,

at least temporarily, in

order to get something

accomplished, and play the good subordinate or team playei

to enlist

*Managing with Power: Power and Influence in Organizations, leffrey >.> Harvard Business School Press, Boston, Massachusets,

Pfeffer,

{

(

l

>

112

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

and the support of

the help

people

in

who

others. All these traits

seem

to

be evident

possess substantial power.

To acquire or create power, you must

first

build relationships,

then use these relationships to get results to accomplish your de-

partment or company's goals. For example, a

new

if

you have an idea

for

project that involves getting resources from another division

and you already have

who can

a relationship with

someone

in that division

collaborate with you or help you meet your objective, that's

using your power. To get your manager

your power

to influence.

Power

to

acquisition

buy

into this project, use

and power use can have

on your career progress, job performance, and

a direct impact

lead-

ership development.

Three attributes are associated with personal power:

edge and information, which attraction,

pleasant,

is

which means your

and

basically your expertise,

ability to get

to dress professionally,

(1)

(2)

knowl-

personal

along with others,

and

(3)

your

to

be

ability to get

things accomplished on high-profile assignments that will enhance visibility to

your manager and other senior executives. Creating

power requires achieve

this.

getting noticed. Position

And

it

power

will

help you to

doesn't really matter at what level position you

are as long as you are familiar with work flow and are willing to ex-

pand your communication network within and outside your department. Remember, step outside your comfort zone. Enrich your job

by moving beyond routine

on

activities,

generating novel ideas, taking

high-profile projects, getting involved in the decision-making

process,

and increasing your interaction with senior executives.

There's the story of a college intern from Atlanta who, while working for the summer, scheduled fifteen-minute meetings with three

senior executives at a

months in the

after

corporation,

Within

graduating from college, she landed an entry position

marketing department

corporation.

including the CEO.

And

yes,

it

at

another division within the same

was networking, but without

realizing

it,

this

3

Know How

young a job

was using her power, turning

sister

—and

1

into influence to secure

it

your company.

All

few things you can

level of visibility, there are a

on a task force

that

has relevance

to goal-setting initiatives at

companies have them, but may not think

you're interested in participating, so

let

others

know

that

Don't just join, but actively participate in professional and

and use your networking

nity groups,

contacts. Visibility

will

is

skills to

be able

any leader

to influence the

is

you

that are.

commu-

build critical relational

the key to forming strategic alliances.

you have, the more power you

alliances

1

worked.

it

To increase your do. Get

Create and Use Power

to

create,

The more

and the more you

behavior of others because the goal of

on achieving an objective

to get followers to collaborate

ultimately tied into accomplishing your organization's goals.

A

powerful person can get things done and make things happen.

She has the sions

and

utilizing

it

ability to

an

effective

not

"power" a

is

naturally to you.

something that

Simmons School

women it,

come

and

manner

takes a strong sense of self and a

However, even with these

level of maturity.

may

Learning to identify the power that you have and

results.

in

motivate herself and others and effect deci-

of

men

As a

traits,

woman

have, that

it's

Management survey

the "power

game"

you may think

that

not for you.* However,

reveals that 80 percent of

indicated that they were comfortable with power, respected liked

what they could accomplish with

enough, these findings also suggest that able with traditional models of able in exercising

women

power over

power with and through

it.

are less comfort-

others, but are comfortothers.

Overall, there are several basic skill strategies that

*"Women Pursuing Leadership and Power: Challenging Opt Out Revolution," Deborah Merrill-Sands, Center for Gender

in

Interestingly

Jill

must be contin-

the

Myth of the

Kickul, Cynthia Ingols.

Organizations (CGO). Linking gender and

organizational effectiveness,

CGO

Management, Boston, MA, 2005.

Insights,

Simmons School

of

114

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

ually practiced to be

these

skill

an

effective

power player

relationship building,

creating

want

to

you

strategies are mastered,

needed. Patience, determination,

and a sense of

be around one that

many

is

to

apply them as

emotional intelligence,

curiosity are

and using power. People want

In addition,

be able

will

credibility,

workplace. Once

in the

important

all

to follow a

when

good leader and

powerful.

studies reveal that

women

in

power face a

double-edged sword as the attributes that often serve male leaders well in this regard (assertiveness and self-promotion) tend to under-

mine

a

woman's

influence. This

balancing act especially for

problem continues

women

be a

to

of color; however,

difficult

combining

various leadership styles helps in this regard.

C

I

Sometimes we tend

we may

feel

to create

have.

T

L.

I

to give

RA

away our own personal power because

powerless. Perhaps this

and

utilize

ODE

C

L,

is

because we don't know

power or understand why

it

is

important to

Power and influence should continually be developed and

practiced regardless of your position within an organization.

have not already done to

how

so,

begin developing the basic

be a power player. Make sure you do so

in a

manner

exhibit arrogance. But understand that getting

through others, even without authority,

your power and effective leadership fluence and

we must

others affect our

is

learn not to give our

mood

or frustrate

that

needed

does not

way

to practice

good leaders must

power away by

and anger

you

work done with and

a good

skills. All

skills

If

us.

in-

letting

5

Know How

to

Create and Use Power

MAMAisms )

Use what you got

to get

what you want.

3

Real power comes from relationships.

3

Don't

let

your power go

)

Preach with your

)

Own

the

power

life

that

to

your head.

rather than your lips.

you have.

1

1

35 No One Leadership Style

Know When

ood leaders need a cessful.

There

It

Up

variety of leadership styles to be suc-

no one way

is

learn the style that will

Mix

to

Fits All

work best

in

manage

to

any given

a team. However, to

situation takes

know-

ing yourself as well as the individuals you are working with. Different situations will require different styles of

may be

authoritative style

may work fit

best at another time.

for you, but as a leader,

these styles because the to

necessary on one occasion and a demo-

consensus-building style on another, while transactional-style

cratic,

ral

management. A demanding

harmful

works best and

one

to

for

your

which

style for the

does not work

if

how your employees

Be

wrong

more

like a

natu-

to utilize all of

situation can lead

and note which

resilient

in a situation,

react to your

be afraid

yield the best results. Don't

feel

unhappy employees.

situation.

Notice

Over the years many

may

style of leadership

so that

style

style

you should know how

wrong

results, including

Pay attention

One

to

style

and look

for options

you can

try another.

approach and which ways

mix

it

styles of leadership

up.

have been identified

and described. Here are the most popular and widely used. See which one or two

•

styles describe

Authoritarian. Also

known

used when leaders

and how they want

tell it

how you

operate the best:

as autocratic leadership. This style

their

is

employees what they want done

accomplished without getting advice or

No One Leadership Style

Fits All:

Know When

Mix

to

It

117

Up

suggestions from them. This style of leadership should not be

used often since

turnover. But there

quest or

demand

particular •

way

A

Charismatic.

can lead

it

may be

make

that can

really just a

It's

when

there's

an urgent

re-

this style appropriate.

leadership style where an individual uses ento drive others to

Transactional. These leaders

done.

times

staff

to accomplish a specific goal or a task in a

thusiasm and high energy •

resentment and high

to

way

make

achieving goals.

sure the routine work gets

of being a supermanager, because

focuses on the completion of short-term tasks. Oftentimes

it

it's

combined with transformational leadership. •

Transformational. In this leadership

style,

the person inspires

her team with a vision of the future. This leader helps team

members

look at the big picture for the good of the team. They

make workers

feel that

what they are doing contributes

broader purpose, helping them look beyond •

Participative. Also

known

to a

self-interest.

as Democratic, where the leader en-

courages the team to speak up and express their opinions

to

contribute to the decision-making process. This not only in-

creases job satisfaction by involving employees in what's going on,

it

gives

them a sense

of ownership in the process.

though you're the one making the final vote,

engaged

everyone gets

in the

to

have a

Even

final decision, casting that

say,

which makes them more

process and more motivated. In general, this

is

the most effective leadership style. •

Bureaucratic. These leaders work by the book, staff follows

making sure

procedures exactly. This style leaves very

room

for creativity

large

sums

of

and innovation.

money

firms), or in industries

are handled

It

is

(i.e.,

used

in

little

areas where

banks or accounting

where there are serious

safety risks, such

as working with machinery or toxic waste. •

Delegative. In this style, the leader allows the

team

to

make

the

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

118

decisions. This situation

is

used when employees are able

and determine what needs used when you

it.

This style

in

your team. Ultimately, you are

is

to

analyze the

be done and

fully trust still

to

how

to

do

and have confidence

responsible for the deci-

sions that are made.

When

Situational.

•

a decision

is

needed, an effective leader

will

use her best judgment depending upon the particular situation or a range of situational factors.

Some

of these factors

may

in-

clude the motivation of followers, followers knowing what to

do and how

to

goals involved,

There

you

will

ship.

is

no one

do

availability of tools, resources, support,

it,

etc.

"right"

way

to lead that suits all situations that

encounter. You are not expected to use one style of leader-

Chances are you

point or another.

use

will

many

if

not

all

pact on others, and

when

to

one

of these styles at

By understanding these leadership

styles, their

use them, you can become a more

im-

flex-

ible, better leader.

CIL.TIR.AL. C O Sometimes we don't look

at

our options.

We

I>

E

use one leadership

style,

perhaps two, and get stuck or complacent without exploring

other

ways

what

is

to

motivate others to succeed and inspire them to do

needed

you want

to

to get the job

done. Think about the type of leader

be and the type of leaders you have worked with. Make

a conscious effort to be the best leader you can be by looking at the

various situations you encounter and knowing the best

spond.

way

to re-

No One Leadership Style

Fits All:

3

When one way

)

Don't get stuck in the mud.

Know When

Do whatever

)

Believe in yourself; trust your instincts.

3

If

at first

Mix

It

Up

doesn't work, try something else.

)

it

to

takes to get the job done.

you don't succeed

try, try

again.

119

36 Coaches Are Not Just

Ifanyou have

for Athletes

gotten this far in your career without the benefit of

executive coach, you have missed out on a great opportu-

nity.

Years ago, coaches were used to

Today, they are used by individuals

fix

bad behavior

who want

performance and by companies who want

to

to

at the top.

improve

their job

develop their high po-

tentials.

The best professionals and guidance from

their

in

any given

coach

for

craft

continuous improvement

not you? In sports, coaching helps athletes ness, they give individual attention to

through the process needed

A coach

accept input, feedback,

to reach

become

.

.

why

the best. In busi-

what you do and guide you

your

full

potential.

often provides knowledge, opinions, judgment,

structive feedback that

.

and con-

you may have never heard before and

tens, lends support, guides, collaborates,

on moving forward. With a background

and helps you in

human

lis-

strategize

resources, psy-

chology, and/or consulting, a coach should definitely be one of the

people on your success team. Personal growth comes from asking honest questions, putting a plan in place, and then following through on that plan. Based on this,

a coach can help

remove blind

spots, help

you formulate your

next steps, build on your strengths, and identify and develop areas that

may

not be as strong.

Unlike a mentor, a coach helps you decide what career aspects

Coaches Are Not Just

and helps you

are important to you

job

is

want or need

to further

on them. The coach's

to focus

diagnose areas of your

to help

skills

and behavior

you

with you to enhance

will strategize

your personal development. Contrary to some

rather that

that

develop for continued professional growth

and advancement. The coach

a career coach does not

121

for Athletes

beliefs,

mean your behavior needs

you or your company want

to invest in

to

working with

be

"fixed," but

your leadership

potential.

Oftentimes you are so busy building your career that you

may

miss opportunities that are available to you. Working with a coach

can offer insight and different perspectives which you

may

not have

previously thought about or discussed. To get the most out of

coaching, you need to have the desire and the

commitment

to learn

and grow. To maximize your coaching experience, you also need

to

have good chemistry with the individual. Before working with a coach you

may want

accreditation,

and

to get references,

talk to a

few people she's coached

of her methodology, helpfulness,

Do

confirm her certification or

and success

to get a

rate.

not rule out offering your team the benefit of working with a

coach. Offering this individualized attention from an expert

you value

that

reach their

full

their

development and want

to

shows

encourage them

to

potential as well.

CU We

sense

L.

TUR

i* L,

OODK

have hidden assets within that once tapped can yield tremen-

dous It

results is

when unleashed

possible that as

not been given

critical

to full capacity.

women, feedback

especially Black to fully

women, we have

explore our strengths and

expose our blind spots. There are a number of reasons why

this

might be the case. However, some of us have not demonstrated

thai

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

122

we

open

are

to constructive criticism or willing to accept

in general. Instead of listening

feedback

and evaluating the points

that are

being made, some of us become defensive, emotional, and accusa-

and therefore miss opportunities

tory

We

all

quo could be detrimental If

party,

to learn

to

us

in

our professional

at the status

life.

you have not yet worked with a coach or an objective it

is

wise to do so as an effective

a confidential, objective environment. yet another tool in our leadership tool

i

about our blind spots.

have them and over time, the cost of remaining

way

When

)

Always put your best

the student

is

you

to

brainstorm in

We should think of a coach as kit.

Leadership and learning go hand

)

for

third

in

hand.

ready the teacher appears. foot forward.

You're never too old to learn. >

If

you always do what you have always done, you

always get what you have always gotten.

will

Celebrate Your Arrival at the C-Suite

ongratulations!

You have worked hard, navigated the

cul-

networked, smiled, actively listened, asked for and ac-

ture,

cepted feedback, and you are

now

sitting in the

Corporate Suite.

Now what? If

you are

are there to greet you with the case.

BAM! Wake

you need

to

can

open arms, but

up! Get over

it!

this

who

look like you

may

Now more

not always be

than ever

when

is

count on your personal success team. Those people you guidance, support, collaboration, and motivation.

trust for

First,

women who

lucky, there are other

celebrate your accomplishments, then, spend

time reviewing and reflecting on

have grown as a

leader.

Then

some

quality

all

you have learned and how you

is

time to get busy planning for

it

more major accomplishments. No, you don't have the luxury of resting on your laurels

have work ful

to do,

people to see, and places

executives are those

among

all

their

who

If

key stakeholders. And because you practiced it

will

be helpful

to

you

continue

it

this

while

and the power

The energy you spend building them

will

of

make you

a

—and a better person.

you have not already done

legacy to be

.

The most success-

to go!

you're on the job. Never underestimate the value

better leader

.

continue to build and maintain support

behavior before you got the job,

relationships.

.

so,

decide what you want your

— how you want to be remembered — and

start

working

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OE SUCCESS

124

that plan. All of the skills

Your accomplishments

you possess are needed even more now.

now

to this point will

take

on new meaning.

Rather than just thinking about what you have done thus

now have

to

analyze the impact of what you have done

how you

ues you bring to the table and

will

now demonstrate

Plan to do research and pay attention to others

have been successful and note what they do to those to

who have

failed

know and who needs

and to

find out why.

far,

them.

in the C-Suite that

well. Also

Determine

know you and "go

you

—what val-

pay attention

who you need

get them."

CULTURAL- COOK We know

that for the

most

rate ladder, the less help

that

if

Even

we made

this far,

we

This

is all

to talk to

the

more reason

and run things

become

if

is

higher

know how

any are

to

we move up

receive internally.

already

the rules change, few

if

ford to

it

part, the

we may

the

It

game

assumed is

played.

likely to tell us.

have members of our success team

by. At this point, the last thing

complacent.

the corpo-

is

We

cannot

sit

on our

we can

laurels

af-

and we

cannot get too busy to network with individuals inside and outside our company

who

are also at the senior level. Although

we have

demonstrated time and again that we are smart, talented, professional

women, we sometimes

forget that

senior to learn something new. of action for our

first

We

when

are never too old or too

neglect to develop a written plan

ninety days and then periodically thereafter

whenever we are entering a new pecially

we

position. This

is

a big mistake, es-

there are often no formal feedback procedures in

place. But

we must

evaluated.

We

not be fooled as

are reviewed to see

if

we we

are surely being informally

are staying within budget,

meeting target goals, and increasing our department's bottom So

we must be aware

of the current status in these areas

line.

and plan

Celebrate Your Arrival at the C-Suite

accordingly.

We

1

must always keep our eyes open and our ear

ground. Plan to work and work your plan.

MAMAisms )

You have every

right to be there

—savor the experi-

ence.

o

It is

lonely at the top.

o Always watch your

back.

o Don't apologize

your success.

:>

for

Only by going too can go.

far will

you

find out

how

far

you

25

to the

Maintain Your Seat at the Table Here's

ow

that

you are

have earned tive

you

need

will

veloped thus

it,

What

at the table,

so

command

to consistently

use your position wisely. You

your

use

this point will not

listen,

seat.

As a C-Suite execu-

the skills that you have de-

all

far in this leadership role.

eyes and ears open. Look,

Takes

It

But remember to keep your

and learn because what got you

keep you here. Condition yourself

to

to listen to not

only the business issues being discussed but also the everyday chitchat.

Take note of what motivates others and what pushes

buttons. At this level, heightened awareness friendly relationships with

employees

imperative. Establish

at all levels

and mail room and cleaning

tants, receptionists,

be successful you

In order to

is

will

need

to

including assis-

staff.

master a wide range of

name

behaviors. Flexibility, adaptability, and focus are the

game

You must manage change, build and mend

here.

ships, identify

and

utilize the expertise of others,

you have the support of your peers, your

staff,

all

don't

want

player. Get their suggestions, but

to focus

proval" and risk

on being

coming

"liked" or

off as

relation-

and ensure

your boss, and others. Maintaining a seat

team

of the

that

while managing yourself,

not only about you. Ask your peers for ideas about a great

their

to

is

how you can be

walk a

appear

at the table

fine line:

want

You

their "ap-

being weak, and you don't want to

appear as being "authoritarian" and

risk

coming

off as

being disre-

Maintain Your Seat at the Table: Here's What

spectful.

sights

applies, getting

If it

and be helpful

Having a seat ities

customer feedback

your performance

to

Takes

It

will give

yet be at the level that

you

to

you

in-

as well.

at the table brings other responsibilities

thrown your way and requires you

27

1

and

guide others that

are. This is also a perfect

prior-

may

not

time to conduct

a self-audit: •

Review your strengths and build on them.

•

What do you most enjoy doing?

•

What has worked

well for you? Identify opportunities for im-

provement. •

What adjustments to

•

in

your work/personal

style

would you

like

make?

Get follow-up feedback from your manager/senior executive to

ensure you're making progress.

Determine what you want can

effect

to

accomplish

in this role

and how you

change and bring others along while you also continue

to

progress. With few exceptions, your confidence, your motivation,

and even your

integrity will

be challenged during

this time.

But

imperative that you keep your sense of mental, physical, and tual balance.

It

this time. Just

is

it

is

spiri-

not unusual to feel alone and overwhelmed during

remember

visers can be helpful.

that your trusted friends, family,

Sometimes

just

keep you on course. And don't forget

and ad-

speaking about the issues to celebrate

your accomplish-

ments. Look the part of a leader, act the part of a leader, and that your attitude

and how you

will

react to every situation

is

know being

looked at and monitored.

Of course there

would

like.

will

be times when situations are not as you

Sometimes you may be asked

that a senior executive doesn't

reducing

staff,

want

to

make tough

to deal with

—

decisions

cutting budgets,

canceling projects, hiring from the outside, not giv-

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

128

ing preference to an internal candidate for promotion, etc. During

these times

termine

if

do what's

it

pays to evaluate the benefits of your position and de-

they outweigh the challenges. Ultimately you'll need to right

and best

for the organization,

No one

lationship with.

even

if it

means

lay-

someone you've had a long-standing

ing off a veteran employee,

said

was going

it

to

be easy

re-

at the top.

CULTURAL. COOK As a leader you

our network, and our social

time

we can do

it

when we should

all

we begin

We

have

friends, family,

to lapse while

visible, but

we

and we often

capitalize

Renew memberships lowed

directions both personally

overwhelmed and busy

time or energy for

little

and those we have met us.

This

is

the time

are often buried in work.

suffer for

it.

Instead, this

that your

Remember

to

you may have

you were busy climbing the

Continue to invest

you

will

Make

name and

keep your in

is

a

on our success.

to organizations that

al-

ladder. Join cor-

porate or nonprofit boards, speak on panels, write articles,

Make sure

try-

to neglect ourselves,

connected with rarely hear from

to stay

when we should be most think

that

circles.

community involvement. Our

We

many are so

game

ing to stay on top of our

and need

in

we

be pulled

will

and professionally Oftentimes

etc.

face are out there.

skills

and your team's

skills relevant.

your development and that of your team as

be judged not only by your performance but theirs as

well.

sure that you are the best leader you can be and strive to

always bring your

As you

lead,

A game

to the table.

you should leave a personal

Remember you

are leaving a legacy.

footprint.

Maintain Your Seat at the Table: Here's What

3

To

whom much

is

given,

much

is

It

Takes

required.

D Make what you do matter. 3 Successful leadership

is

more about influence than

control.

o You can do anything, but you can't do everything. 3 Take the bitter with the sweet.

129

Seeing the Writing on the Wall

may come

here

your current

a time

when you no

table. This

longer want a seat at

may be because you

are not being

treated as you think you should be because you have hit the glass

because you are no longer challenged. Whatever the rea-

ceiling, or

son, there are usually signs that changes are happening

best for you to recognize the handwriting on the wall.

you should be planning

that

your current one. However, to

if

life

in

your industry,

that could If

you have not done

you have been

If

your

so,

to evaluate what

field, in

now

is

is

is

say in

the time

currently hap-

your company, and

in

your

have an impact on your next career move. in

have not developed an place now.

in

it

will

your next job soon after you land

develop a plan. Take some time

pening

it

for

and

Many

your position exit strategy,

for

more than

months and

six

spend some time putting one

in

you already have a written plan, spend time reviewing

and making updates as needed. As hard as

Even

if

you

it

may

feel that

be, try to take the

emotion out of

you are being treated

emotion clouds your vision and usually causes you appropriate fashion.

If

you are feeling frustrated or

termine the specific reasons. Put pen to paper and

your plan should you want

to leave or

this process.

remember

unfairly,

to react in

that

an

in-

stuck, try to destart

you are asked

developing

to go.

Seeing the Writing on the Wall •

Think about what you would possible

•

like

new companies, new

1

your next career move

new

industry,

Think about what has worked well

for

you

31

to be:

location, etc.

in

your current

or-

ganization and what you would like to avoid in the future. •

Think about your strengths and what opportunities might

exist

that play to them. •

Think about

who you know

a transition and to leaving •

who you need

may be

to

of help to you during

meet or reconnect with

corporate photo,

Get the right message to the right people. Create a core mes-

Organize those items that you transition, including

•

will

remember.

Review your accomplishments and update where necessary, including dates, project names,

•

bio, pro-

etc.

sage about yourself that decision makers •

prior

your current position.

Prepare any documents that need updating: resume, file,

•

that

etc.

will

need

to refer to

during your

your database of contacts.

Contact professionals

who you may need

to help

you with your

next steps (executive search firms, executive coach, financial planner, accountant, lawyer,

Learn from others

etc.).

who have gone through

this

experience by

asking questions, listening, and learning. Start

preparing a

list

of items that

you may want the company

to

provide and that you can use during your negotiations. Don't be afraid to think outside the box.

Remember

to treat

your parting from the company

ness separation.

Remain professional and

in

charge of your attitude.

like

a busi-

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

132

CULTURAL CODE Sometimes we get too comfortable

in

our current work situation and

neglect to see that things are changing and that

we have

choices.

We get so busy doing what we do, we forget to take time to smell the and

roses

doing

it

become

to

still

ask ourselves

works

for us.

if

what we are doing and where we are

We get stuck in our comfort zone and

hesitant, lazy, or fearful about stepping out

We

something new.

forget or don't realize that

tunity to experience

and remember

new

to learn

challenges.

If

change

we have our

then

and trying is

an oppor-

plan in place

from adversity as well as our successes,

making a move may not be as uncomfortable as we might

think.

Learn to read the tea leaves. )

If

at first

you don't succeed, figure out what went

wrong and )

try again.

Painful lessons usually turn out to be blessings in disguise.

)

It is

what

it is.

Reach Back and Bring Others Along

o matter

come

how

smart and talented you are, you did not be-

you had mentors or sponsors

your workplace or a group of

in

trusted advisers as part of your success team, but you had

help to get to the level you are today. ready,

now

is

Maybe

a successful VIP without the help of others.

If

have

to

you have not done so

al-

the time for you to reach back and help others achieve

their leadership goals.

You owe

it

to yourself

and

to those

on whose

shoulders you stand to help others. Giving back can be done

in a

number

and

of ways. Mentoring, donating your time, giving advice

feedback, exposing others to

new

opportunities and experiences,

serving on boards of nonprofit organizations, leading neighbor-

hood groups

—these are

ways you can contribute

all

to

your com-

munities.

You are already a it

role

model

for others,

woman, you

or not. As a professional Black

workplace and others are watching you self is

to

and your

responsibilities.

A

great

mentor them one-on-one or

a mentor

is

whether you are aware of

in

way

for a

how you handle

to help

your-

younger associates

small groups. Although becoming

a big responsibility, you should

As a trusted counselor

are conspicuous in your

to see

do

it

whenever you

younger employee, you can

listen,

can.

guide,

and "show them the ropes" so they can move ahead. Being a mentor should not be taken pertise

lightly,

as

it

means

and opening doors whenever

giving of your time and ex

possible.

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

134

Too often individuals their

in the

workplace are not given feedback on

performances and amble through

unaware of

their careers

weaknesses. As a mentor, you can give

their strengths or

able feedback or help the younger employees obtain

managers. Sometimes you

may

your employee or mentee

is

negative

way by

to take that

others.

from

it

who

notice that an individual

making a mistake or

Although

it

might be

person aside and quietly

their is

not

is

perceived in a

tricky,

you may want

know how she

her

let

this valu-

is

thought of by her fellow workers, so she can change or expand

upon those perceptions.

accompany you

Invite individuals to

receptions,

can learn

and other venues

new

skills

may

that they

not

know about

and meet new people. Sharing

important events with others

is

a great

way

much

better

time and experience with others. rent

you pay

for living

on

this

so they

access to

of giving back.

Although you're working very hard and time essence, you will feel so

meetings,

to organizational

is

often of the

when you share some

Remember

of your

back

that giving

is

the

don't need to help others because

we

this earth!

CULTURAL. COOE Sometimes we have had so

someone cult

feel that

little

we

help ourselves and have the attitude

else can

do

it,

too." Especially

time at our workplaces (where

we

mine" and "You've got yours

anybody

who

else?"

says,

Even

if

we have had

I

can do

a very

we may

to get." Occasionally

we hear

couldn't see the helpers,

remember that many people

diffi-

feel that "I've

got

of a sis-

"No one helped me, so why should

we

it,

are the only "one" or are part

of a small group of diverse employees),

ter or brother

if

"If

I

help

we must always

sacrificed a great deal so that

we

could

135

Reach Back and Bring Others Along

have the opportunities

we have now

climb the corporate ladders of success. help one another to achieve and

our own?

owe

it

We know how

to ourselves

hard

it

why

work where we want and

to

We know

shouldn't

we do

can be out there

and one another

to

that other

the

groups

same

for a sister

for

and we

help others whenever possi-

ble.

That doesn't us with

all

mean

we have

that

everyone

to trust

of our innermost secrets.

who

looks like

does mean, however, that we

It

should always be willing to offer a helping hand, share our knowl-

edge and share our contacts. Even the small things we can

making a phone

or stopping by someone's office just to say

call

can make a huge difference

hello,

be willing

to share

in

someone

what has worked well

We

life.

should

them.

cultures give back to those within their groups, not feeling

knowledge due

the threat of sharing like

else's

for us as well as the pitfalls

we have encountered and how we overcame Many

do, like

crabs in a barrel.

We

need

to

competition

to insecurity or

make reaching back and

bringing

others along a tradition, too.

We tant

realize that passing the torch of leadership success

and we want

of the

to celebrate

coming generations

ing to reach back to help

young

women

sisters

a

new emerging group

of

Always be

for their next steps.

And

reaching back and bringing others along in the old

leaders.

if

is

you believe

a very

good

guard step down and begin

dynamic young leaders

stead of starting the lessons

all

will-

coming along. Help them do

and prepare

that helping others helps us to grow.

As those of us

impor-

our accomplishments as well as those

of Black

well in their current position

is

over again,

it's

in

Know

karma,

thing.

to retire

and

falls into line, in-

imperative to take ad-

vantage and benefit from the knowledge, advice, and expertise of those of

who have come

Management

before. According to a recent

study,

85 percent of women

Simmons School

of color,

compared

to

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF SUCCESS

136

70 percent of white women, aspired

numbers

these

don't

be

influential leaders.* Yet

aren't reflected in the corporate

And

environments.

women

to

come

be even more apparent

that will to

and noncorporate

seasoned Black

women

if

younger

executives to seek ad-

vice. It is

we can

our hope that all

way,

this

this

book

we can

help us to guide one another so

seats at the table,

would be

numbers and therefore our influence

increase our

and power, taking up more

that

will

reach our leadership potential for generations to come. In

and even more seats

Now

victorious.

permanent

real estate in the C-Suite,

that

at the

head of the

would make

all

Now MAMAs

table.

of our

proud!

)

3

Each one teach one. Contribute to something larger than yourself.

o No 3

gift is

too small

I

have because

I

am

I

—do what you can.

give,

I

give because

I

have, therefore

never without.

O Pass the

torch.

*"Women Pursuing Leadership and Power:

Challenging the Myth of the

Opt Out Revolution," Deborah Merrill-Sands,

Jill

Kickul, Cynthia Ingols,

Center for Gender in Organizations (CGO). Linking gender and organizational effectiveness,

CGO

Management, Boston, MA, 2005.

Insights,

Simmons School

of

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The authors would

like to individually

thank the following

who have

helped them tap into their leadership potential:

Elaine Meryl Brown: I'd like to

thank

Madison, only

my

six

and already

all

the ancestors in

as

all

my sister, Erica; and my niece, leading me around. I'd like to thank

mother, Ethele;

my family upon whose

shoulders

the mentors I've had along the way: Ina

I

stand, as well

Siler, Dr.

Robin John-

son, Dr. David Porter, Kathy Johnson, Toni Fay, Adriane Gaines,

Yanna Kroyt-Brandt, Sheryl Tucker, Marsha, Rhonda, and others and you know who you Rojas ten.

for

are. Special

thanks to Alex, Morgan, Joe

my technology guru, and to Nate who is always my son, David, for whom I've always tried to set

To

working and

there to

lis-

an example

living.

Marsha Haygood:

my mom, Elverso Hook, who taught me all that me that was smart and could do anything wanted and believed her. And thank you to my big sister, Shirley, for always being there for me. Thank you to my sons Hart, Gregory, Kenny, and Shawn for keeping me on my toes. Special thanks to Franz, my technology lifesaver. And most of all, thank you, my hllS I'd like

know,

to

thank

who

told

I

I

I

I

band Donald,

for all

your love, support, and guidance and

for en-

138

Acknowledgments

me

couraging

be the best that

to

I

can be. And

me

thank you, Elaine, for inviting Rhonda and

last

but not

you

to join

least,

in this

life-changing project.

Rhonda Joy McLean: This book,

my

had

— Madeline

three!)

dedicated to

first, is

my

three grandmothers (yes,

I

Roberta Alexander, Cora Avery Boyd, and

Eva Belle Coleman Coles. Your shining examples of strength, spice,

and grace continue I

would

Virginia

McLean,

ways been there also to the

my way. my parents, John

to light

thank

like to

amazing constancy of your love

for the

for

Wesley and Georgianna

me, and, thank God, continues

many members

of

my family, both my journey.

real

to

that has al-

be

so.

Thanks

and extended,

for

your unswerving support along I

all

simply must thank

my

eccentricities

Elaine, Marsha,

We would

my

ing!

me and

embracing

love.

and Rhonda:

like to collectively

make us

for

Bill,

and dazzling me with

ladies of the Girls Night

us up,

partner,

life

thank the wonderful and generous

who never

Out (GNO) Experience,

laugh, and

inspire us to just get

To Angela Burt-Murray, thanks

on with

fail

life

to

and

your encouragement and

for

lift

liv-

for

taking the time to write our Foreword. We'd like to thank our fabulous agent, Laura Ross,

who immediately

tance and value of our book and

around the world, will

for

its

whose amazing enthusiasm

always be grateful. To Alice Peck,

who

and never stopped being our cheerleader. thank Porscha Burke, lantine anxiously

whose book

who

as a

grabbed on

bright eyes

just for her.

lit

And

understood the impor-

young

to

never stopped believing

We would

sister at

our book

like

up with excitement, as of course

women and support we

relevancy to Black

Melody

also like to

Random House/Bal-

a kid in a candy store, if

we had

written this

Guy, our editor at

Random

139

Acknowledgments

House/Ballantine,

and need

for a

who upon

book

like

reading the proposal saw the potential

ours and with great care and sense of ur-

gency, immediately rushed

it

through

to publication to get into the

hands of the many thousands of Black tential

and those

transitioning their

seeking a seat at the table. kindness, the care, the love.

We

women

way

thank

all

to

with leadership po-

becoming master leaders

of

you

for everything

—the

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Elaine Meryl Brown, vice president special markets and Cine-

max

Group, at HBO,

tive producer,

Emmy

Award-winning writer and execu-

and has won numerous awards

She was creative director

industry.

worked

an

is

in television at

in the

broadcast

Showtime Networks and has

at

both the national and local

level. In

2007,

Brown was chosen as one of The Network Journal's "25 Influential

Women

Black

Lemon

City

young adult

Brown

in Business."

and Playing by fiction series.

the Rules,

She

is

a

the author of two novels,

is

and

is

currently working

on a

Wheaton College alumni/trustee

and a graduate of NAMIC's UCLA Anderson School of Management

CTAM

Executive Leadership Development Program, as well as the Executive

Management Program

Brown

member

is

a

Communications,

MAX

Harvard Business School.

at the

of the National Association for Multi-Ethnicity in

New

York

Women

in

Film and Television,

(an organization for marketing, promotion,

PRO-

and design profes-

&

sionals within the entertainment/information industry),

and Cable

Telecommunications Association

Harlem, she

now

resides in

for Marketing.

Born

in

New Jersey.

Marsha Haygood

is

a dynamic career and personal coach and a

powerful motivational speaker on topics such as leadership success. After a twenty-five-plus year career in

human

resources,

Haygood

founded Stepwise Associates, LLC, a career and personal develop-

ment consultancy.

Human sion of

Prior to that, she

was executive

Resources and Administration

at

New

vice president of

Line

Cinema

Time Warner), and has held executive positions

at

(a divi-

Orion Pic-

tures Corp.,

among

A graduate

other companies.

she also holds certification

in

of

Lehman

College

Training and Development from

New

York University. Haygood serves on the board of directors of YouthBridge NY, a nonprofit high school leadership development organization,

and

is

a senior advisory board

Association of African Americans in

member

of the Society of

Human

member

Human

Resources. She

YMCA

a

Haygood has won nu-

Black Achievement Award and

Human

the National Association of African Americans in

Resources

2005 she was honored by The Network Journal

Trailblazer Award. In

as one of the "25 Influential Black

was featured

is

Resources Management and the

National Association of Female Executives.

merous awards including the

of the National

in the first edition of

Women

Business."

in

Haygood

Speaking of Success: World Class

Experts Share Their Secrets, alongside such authors as Stephen

Covey, Ken Blanchard, and Jack Canfield. She and her husband reside in

New

York and Florida.

Rhonda Joy McLean

is

deputy general counsel of Time

and

Inc.

the former assistant regional director of the Northeast Region of the

Federal Trade Commission. She received her

School in 1983 and was elected to the Yale of directors in 2008.

is

fore attending Yale, Ms.

A&T

Bureau of Metropolitan

McLean received her

State University

and a

New York.

Be-

M.S. degree from

B.A.

from Aurora Uni-

March 2007, McLean was named by The Network Journal

as one of the "25 Influential Black cipient of the

Women

in

Business" and

is

a re-

Ruth Whitehead Whaley Public Service Award by the

Association of Black toring

Law School Fund board

currently the treasurer of the board of di-

rectors of the Better Business

North Carolina

from Yale Law

She has served as chair of the Yale Law School

Alumni Association and

versity. In

J.D.

Women

Attorneys in recognition of her men-

more than 100 young women

the Black Achievers in Industry

attorneys.

Award from

McLean was given

the Harlem

YMCA

in

2002 and the

Woman

of

Power and Influence Award from the New

York Chapter of the National Organization for

among many Chicago,

other honors and tributes.

Illinois,

and reared

in Smithfield,

Women

in

2003,

McLean was born

North Carolina.

A

in

classi-

cally trained pianist

and mezzo-soprano, she performs sacred music

with chorales in the

New York metropolitan area, where

she resides.

ABOUT THE TYPE

This book

was

Chong Wah

(b.

set in

Delima, a typeface designed by

Ong

1955) for the Monotype Corporation in 1993.

Delima's generous x-height (the difference between the baseline and the meanline in a typeface; typically, the height

and open characters give

of the letter

x)

legibility at

small sizes and an even color on the text page.

this face exceptional

— "The

Little

advice

Black Book of Success

on how

is

chock-full of

to succeed in business.

wisdom on how

sound and thoughtful

commend

I

it

to

anyone seeking

to build a rewarding career."

—RICHARD PARSONS, chairman,

Citigroup

In tnis engaging and invaluable "mentor in your pocket," three dynamic

and

successful black female executives share their strategies to help

black

women,

at

any

all

of their careers, play the power game

level

and win. Rich with wisdom, blocks of true leadership collaboration,

the

perils

you

focuses

on the building

—

self-confidence, effective

communication,

—while

and courage

Mammy Trap,

and

gem

this practical

don't

dealing specifically with stereotypes (avoid

become

the

Angry Black Woman) and the

of self-victimization (don't assume that every challenge occurs because

are black or female).

Some leaders are

born, but most leaders are

Book ofSuccess will show you how

to

make

it

—and The

made

to the top,

one step

Elainh Meryl is

Little

Black

at a time.

Brown

(left)

vice president, special markets

and Cinemax Group,

Marsha Hayc k x

>i >

at

HBO.

(right)

is

the president and founder of

StepWise Associates, LLC, a f

career

ment

and personal developconsultancy.

JOY MCLEAN

RHONDA

(center)

is

deputy

general counsel of Time Inc.

U.S.A. $20.00

www.littleblackbookofsuccess.com

CANADA

ISBN 978-0-345-51848-4

www.oneworldbooks.net

One World

New York, N.Y. ©2010 by Random

9

House,

Inc.

"78034

5"

518484

$24.95