The Growing Child

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Meek. Your Child's Development and Guidance. By permission of

J.

B. Lippincott Co.

Childcraft

82

outgrowth of the past but, more importantly, as. an indication of what the future

may

bring.

It is a

good idea to measure the height

and weight

Com-

of children regularly.

which

pare these with standard tables

have

been same

prepared

children

for

of

age. The greatest the ness of these measurements, however, will be to see whether or not the child is

useful-

growing steadily over a long period

of time.

From month

may be

slight, if

to

month

there

even Such circumstances as any,

increases,

sometimes losses. whether he is measured before or after a meal or a nap; whether the weather is warm, cold, moist, or dry; how he holds himself; and the kind of scales used can all affect the measurements.

Two Years Old

When

course, will be related to his height, but even children who are the same height can weigh different amounts. For example, if your child is thirty-four inches tall, he may weigh anywhere from twenty-two pounds to thirty-three pounds. You can expect all kinds of increased

physical activity between years. skill

Your

two and three

child will probably gain in

in climbing, for

well as his arms can

now

do

a

his legs as

good

job.

He

never seem to tire of walking and running. He will love to pull things: small wagons, a box with a strong cord,

will

or animals on wheels. As he progresses toward the midyear time of thirty months, he will be pushing things around: chairs, tables, a sturdy baby carriage, a wheelbarrow with double front wheels. He will pile everything he can get his hands on into these wagons

two years

old,

and

nothing very exciting or dramatic

will

and the rest of the likes he to use. Pushing little playthings for a very young is sometimes easier

happen

your child

in his

is

development to mark the

He

has already learned to walk and run, and therefore has been promoted from "your baby" to "your child." His day.

general growth of body has already to slow first

down from

year

and

begun

dolls, toy animals,

child than pulling because the thing be-

ing pushed gives support to a not-too-

steadv walk.

The

the rapid rate of the

Sometime just birthday he will make

one-half.

carts: small blocks, boxes, tin cans,

two-year-old cannot yet hold him-

self fully erect.

He

still

will lose his bal-

last

the ground is uneven and he is in a hurry. An inclined walking board fascinates him, but he has difficult}

become straighter and

walking on it— especially if he has a doll in one arm and a block in the other. He will show an increasing alertness to the things around him. This is partly due to the fact that he can now move his

before or after his

a spurt in growth in height which

may

about a year. This increase in rate of growth will dcfinitelv change his appearance. His legs will be proportionately longer. They will lose their chubby baby look and thinner.

They will

look like legs that can do things. And they will. Children vary greatly in size at twentyfour months.

Your

child

may measure

anywhere from thirty-one and one-half to thirty-seven inches

tall.

His weight, of

ance

if

easily to right and left. But due to the development of muscular co-ordination in hand and arm. He can change things more easily from hand to hand, can turn his forearm, can use his hands more freely.

eves it

is

more also

The Preschool Years All this

means you can expect your

pour out,

83

interests

him. Play in water

two-year-old to explore almost anything

has great interest. Anything that

within reach. As soon as he enters a room he will begin to take the room to pieces. You will have a hard time taking

side

his attention. It

him

ties

walk because he will want to stop to look and handle everything he passes. The carpet sweeper, brooms, bureau drawers, books, magazines and papers, wood in the basket, your purse, vour cosmetics, the top of Daddy's desk —all have compelling interest for your two-year-old. Left to his own devices he can wreck a room in thirty minutes. This is not because he is "naughty" but because his developmental need is for this kind of exploratory activity. This is for a

normal,

You baby many and your

to-be-expected behavior.

will save yourself

unhappy times if you realize that until he is older you can't leave him alone

own

except with his

things in a place

where he cannot do any harm. Outdoors, you will keep yourself from worry and fatigue if you have a fence around his play space. This is the time when he may "run away" because so many things attract him and he doesn't yet understand what danger is. Although he may know exactly what you mean when you say, "No, no, you can't go there," he cannot remember these prohibitions. He soon forgets. Someone will have to be with him every minute when he plays outdoors unless his playground is

adequately fenced.

Space to

move about

for climbing,

wagons to

in,

equipment and lots

pull,

of small toys to play with are necessary if

vour child

where he can

3.

From

is

to

fill

be happy.

A

sandbox

and empty, pour

A. Gesell and F.

Ilg.

in

and

something

fits in-

boxes

else like blocks or

or muffin tins of different sizes will hold is

through such

activi-

that he improves in muscular

skill,

about sizes and shapes, begins to understand the difference between water, sand, wood, paper, and the other things in his environment.

learns

Problems

of

Growing Up Between

Two and

Three

There are many problems in growing up between two years and three years for both the child and his parents. There are several reasons for this.

In the first place there seems to be an unusual discrepancy during these months between a child's desire to do and his ability to do. He wants to do things for himself— indeed he insists upon it. "No, no, Tommy do it," or

"Me do, me do, me Mommy, I fix" are

do," or

"Go

'way,

typical of remarks

heard often around thirty months. But

many

of these things

he

just

cannot do

For example, he can undress if he will let his mother help with buttons and a few tight pulls. He also wants to dress himself, and in this he is not so successfor himself.

himself pretty well

ful.

"The

heels of his socks are almost

on

his instep, both feet are in one pant leg, his shirt is on backward, and his coat is often twisted." 3 His lack of skill in dressing, bathing, and toileting does not seem to bother him for he is not too critical. And his mother must be clever enough to play a game while she helps in dressing or to be patient

invariably

Infant and Child in the Culture of Today.

New

York: Harper & Brothers, 1943.

Jacobi-Iinih from

Monkmcyer

Between three and four, children really begin to play together. Language development makes relations better; increased imagination makes play more interesting.

A second cause of

he calls for help. Quick movements do not keep him imprisoned too long and clothes that come on and off easily are decided assets. These same problems arise in eating if he insists until

difficulty lies in the

that

strength of the child's interest, his desire

upon feeding

to keep on doing what he is doing, his seeming dislike of change. He seems constantly to refuse to do the next thing. If he is in the tub having a bath, he

himself.

He

is

able

to

handle his cup and is gradually getting more and more food on his spoon and into his mouth. But it is hard work. He soon drops the spoon for more reliable fingers. Before half the meal is over, he mav be readv for help from his mother. Children become fatigued and irritable because of their inability to do the things they want to do. They want to be independent and yet thev can't be. This is emotionally thwarting and is quite

doesn't

want

to

his toys,

stop

playing in

the

he is playing with he doesn't want to stop and hands. If he is outdoors, he

water to be dried.

If

wash his wants to linger when it is time to come in. Time means little to him. He cannot hurry. Dawdling is the pattern. This makes the routine of his life difficult for him and his mother. He will become resistant if she hurries him, he will be stubborn to commands, he is ready with an emphatic "No" if she is foolish

likely to cause outbursts of anger.

84

The Preschool Years enough to ask him, "Would you like your milk now?" At these times of change from one activity to another, your child will be more likely to respond to a simple statement such as "Orange juice is ready/' or to the mention of something he likes. He can also often be diverted if given something to carry or if sent on a small errand. A third reason for his problems lies in his relations with other children. During his third vear of life he becomes increasingly interested in other children of his

He

own

age.

likes to

makes special mature enough

be with them, he even friends. But he is not to play with

them

in the

sense of really co-operative play. In the

beside another child,

he will sand perhaps pour sand as the other child pours, laugh out loud as the other child laughs. Then he may grab a spoon from the other child. This grabbing of toys goes on endlessly even though another toy cxactlv like the desired one is close at hand. When a child's toy is grabbed, he will hold tight and yell, "Mine, mine." His sense of property ownership pile

is

sit

what is mine is around thirty Children

vcrv clear insofar as

concerned.

months cannot play

satisfactorily

to-

gether without supervision. There are more difficulties at this age in getting

together than at any other. Mothers need to be on hand to say, "The box is Tom's. You can have the

along

doll" or "This is yours. What can Mary have?" Children will increasingly be able to understand these verbal decisions because of their rapid growth in

A

cake with candles is the great event in the birthday celebration for the three-

year-old child.

85

understanding language. On the other hand, parents should remember that it is a

good idea

own

to let children settle their

difficulties

don't settle

if

them

they can, even just as

if

they

an adult would.

When one child is continually taken advantage of, however, because he is less mature, the adult should be ready with a suggestion. Three Candles on the Cake

By

the time your child is three years of his difficult preschool grow-

many

old

ing-up problems will be over. He has most rapid period of physical

finished his

growth.

growth

From now on

At three from

a

more gradual

will take place.

vears

thirty-four

he may be anywhere to

forty

inches

in

he is thirty-seven inches tall, he may weigh from twenty-seven to thirty-eight pounds. During the next year your child will gain between two and one-half and three and one-half inches. His gain in height will be about equally divided between leg growth and height. If

By

.7.

C. Allen anrl

Son

— Onturv

The preschool child is developing his large muscles. He needs to climb. Parents do well to provide boxes, ladders, and a jungle gym.

Children usually become skilled in godown a slide before they become

ing

skilled in climbing.

However, learning

the two types of activities will go along

same time. The

at the

sliding

young in

fast

movement

seems to fascinate children

of as

down small hills sliding down small

as two. Rolling

the country or

on or off a sled, are But even two-year-olds vary greatly in what they can do on a slide. There is a little boy of twenty-five months who is making his first attempt slopes in the snow, similar activities.

Acme Newspictures,

inc.

bodv growth. (Most children will have completed the spurt in leg growth. Some, however, may not finish this spurt in growth in leg length until three and one-half or four years.)

slower growth in general body seems to be balanced by a more rapid increase in motor ability. Before the fourth birthday more than half of all children can go down a slide, climb on outdoor equipment, and ride on a tricycle; a little less than half can jump from and over equipment; about ten per cent can bounce a ball— with con-

The

size

and control. However, we must remember that the development varies greatly of rate among individual children. The motor skills of your child at any age will depend on his own rate of development, the opportunities he has had for learning, and his feelings of emotional well-

siderable case

being.

and

When

fearful

a child

is

in the learning of

motor

a slide about three feet needs help from his mother to feci secure. Two friends of about the same age, however, are going down the slide by themselves, seriously holding on with care. A little girl of twenty-seven months has already great skill and tries to go down head first! In a group of three-vcar-olds there are even wider differences. One girl smiles as she watches the others, but doesn't attempt even the lowest slide. Others can go down the three-foot slide in a crouching position, with a tov in hand, or can change their speed by holding on to the sides, and some even go down the six-foot slide. Climbing shows even greater differ-

He

ences.

Few

children after two refuse to

came to when he was two years

climb, but one boy

school

nursery old and

would not even try to climb until he was over three. Between twenty-four and thirty-six months, most children are still awkward and in the process of learning how to climb; between two and one-half

tense, nervous,

he usually has some

down

to go

high.

difficulty

skills.

86

The Preschool Years

87

and three years a very few have learned movements. Among

around the

well co-ordinated

propriate sounds in imitation.

the three-year-olds over half have learned to climb with satisfaction.

pegboards and can do a good job of putting round or square or triangular pegs in the right holes.

However, a

child's

ability

to climb

may change if he becomes frightened or when he gets much higher than usual or when he is attempting to climb in a very difficult place.

climbing up is than climbing down. For example, most children can go up a short flight of steps without support by twenty-six months; they will probably be four years old, however, before they can come down the same steps in as well co-ordinated a manner. A tricycle makes a fine birthday present for the three-year-old. It will be a It

true also that

is

easier for children

new motor experience when a

child

must

The

floor

with ease, making ap-

as

three-year-old enjoys crayons

and

clay. If

make

well as

designs.

Because of

his

growing interests and

the three-year-old

skills,

He

his play.

cycle

an individual

is

comes

activity, it

tri-

soon be-

a great addition to social play:

on the back of the wagon, riding in a pro-

carrying another child tricycle, pulling a

cession,

being part of a make-believe

play performance.

The takes their

indoor

play

on a different development

of

three-year-olds

character, because of

motor co-ordinaand imagination. show more evidence of in

tion, understanding,

They

also

using their past experiences in their play

(although this begins to be evident in children's play

months on ) blocks

.

A

with

from eighteen or twenty child of three can handle

more

skill

trains, towers, houses,

in

can really serve his purposes.

move wooden

building

and garages than

He

can

trains or boats or trucks

paints

times the beginning of a design. Parents probably won't recognize what it is all about, but the child will get deep satisfaction from the doing of it.

two-thirds of three-year-old children will

Although riding a

With

he works with great concentration and is usually proud of his picture. It is likely to be masses of color with some-

longer periods, especially

learn to ride well.

likes

and he has the right kind of materials he becomes quite skillful. He likes a variety of colored crayons and will begin to draw figures and objects paints

and to steer. Some children do very well on a tricycle between thirty and thirty-six months, but at least learn to pedal

He

to take care of.

suggestions

much

is

can be if

much left

easier

alone for

Mother

gives

now and then for developing

He

understands language so

and he can talk so much more easily that parents and child understand each other better and actually get better

along together with

There

less difficulty.

be great development in a child's ability to play with other children between three and four years. Children play longer in groups and things go more smoothly. Often they can settle their

will

own

torily.

makes

disagreements quite satisfacTheir ability to use language

relations easier

ingly imaginative play

and their increasmakes being to-

gether a lot of fun. In consequence, is not always necessary

adult supervision

and there need be less interference in quarrels and conflicts. The adult will need to give suggestions for playing together, else activities will "peter out":

"Charles

is

building a boat, John.

Why

mNmwmiimmmmsani

Childcraft

88

don't you build the wharf so that the passengers can land?" or "Since Mary's

Bertha might set the table for lunch while Tom goes to the grocery doll

sick,

is

But the growing independence of your child during this fourth year of life must not make you forget his need for love and affection. Indeed, in a sense, his ability to be independent in motor skills, in play, in dressing, in going to

the

toilet, in

eating will be determined

his feeling of

He

warm

security in your

freedom to the extent to which he is sure he has that sccuritv. He will need your comfort when he is unhappy. He will need your sympathy when he gets hurt. He will need your arms to cuddle into when he love.

is

tired

will enjoy

or sick or lonesome.

Partings

Mommy and Daddy

will not be so they were at two if your child has learned he can rely on you. He must feel sure that he will be told when you

from

difficult as

leave

and when vou

will

return.

No

sneaking awav from him or telling him "fibs" about vour whereabouts. Such methods break down confidence in the

people in

whom

he must always have

the strongest confidence.

This business of growing up is not a road that leads ever upward.

straight

There arc many downs as well as ups. There arc davs when your child will seem to be going backward, to be just a baby again. We do not always understand

why

this happens. Alice, for in-

stance, was a verv gav three-year-old and popular with the children. One morning in nurserv school she grabbed a doll from Mary, took Peter's wagon from him, and next hit Roger who had a favorite basket of blocks. said to her,

matter— don't you know about sharing?" "Yes," said Alice, "I know all about sharing, but I'm not sharing today." For

when living up seems too heavy a load. A child seems to have times like that, times when he wants to be babied. If parents all

of us, there are davs

to our age

store for food."

by

m

"Why,

Alice,

The

teacher

what

is

the

this, knowing that tomorrow week he will probablv be more

can accept or next

grown-up than

ever, life will

be happier

for the family.

Although the child between and forty-eight months usually dress himself prettv well, satisfactory toilet habits,

meals

when after still

without

and can

these habits break down.

verv

all,

learns to

has learned

there

help,

thirty-six

are

eat his

times

Thev

take a good deal of conscious

tention.

are,

new accomplishments and

When

a child

is

at-

tired or begin-

ning to get sick or emotionallv upset,

he may lose a learned skill or habit for the time. Such happv and exciting events as birthdays, Christmas, Grandmother's arrival, a visit away from home, or even first

may "upset when vou would

davs at nursery school

the apple cart"— just

vour bov or girl to be most grownis the time when he needs your reassurance most and the support of vour understanding. It is no time for spankings or other punishment because "he knows better." He will come back to his own level if these fallings by the wayside are taken in stride and passed like

up. This

over as lightlv as possible.

Another thing vou must keep in mind that there may be weeks or even months when, as far as you can see, your child is making no progress. He may sit around a good deal. He may watch others is

rather than take part in their activities.

His play

may seem

imaginative

to lack the vigorous,

quality

he has previously

The Preschool Years

89

shown. Even his language

may show no what these periods

jumping over

signs of growth. Just

jump down,

in a child's devel-

the distance

of resting

may mean

opment, we cannot always be sure. But they often turn out to be periods when a child consolidates the gains he has already made. Sometimes in new situathey are prolonged periods of getting acquainted and feeling at home. In a few weeks he may again show many tions,

evidences of rapid development.

Four Years Old

obstacles.

Children

like to

if

Daddy

is

small, even before

holds tight and

two

years.

Some

three

become quite skillful. One twojumped from a height of about

children between two and

year-old

two this

and landed successfullv. But At three one child may

feet is

unusual.

ask for assistance to jump twelve inches, while another gleefullv jumps eighteen inches, and another can do four feet with skill! However, before the fifth

about three-fourths of both boys and girls are jumping down from varying heights with good co-ordination and having a lot of fun doing it. birthday,

To

appreciate your child's develop-

ment at four years you should compare him with the two-vear-old you had two years ago. A good way to refresh your

memory

and arrange them in order. Hasn't he grown a lot? If your child is a boy he will probablv be somewhere between thirty-eight inches and fortv-four inches; if a girl, she may be two inches shorter. If your is

to take out his pictures

child is forty inches tall, his weight will be somewhere between thirty and fortytwo pounds. During the next twelve months your child will gain between one and one-half and three inches in height, probably a little less than he gained last vear.

During his four-year-old life his drive for motor activities will be strong. He will need lots of opportunity for vigorous outdoor activity with enough and the equipment. This is for your happiness as well as his, for he will

right kind of plav

be noisy and full of energy. This applies to both boys and girls. At four years your child will be improving many of his motor skills and begin to acquire some

new

ones.

Jump-

ing will be one of these. Children of this

age are mainlv interested in jumping

down from

a height,

though some do

try

Jumping from the floor or ground is more difficult, but Marv at three years, one month, jumped over a rope seven inches high, while

Donna

at four years,

two months, jumped over a rope held six inches from the ground, laughing as she did so. Millie at four and one-half ran and jumped across a rope fifteen inches from the ground. These were children who developed motor control rapidly and had lots of opportunity to practice in the nursery school which they were attending.

Most climb

and five Thev climb not onlv on

children between four

well.

blocks and boxes and ladders but fences

and or

down great

gain

Some climb

trees.

more.

Many

easilv to six feet

four-vear-olds are going

slides four to six feet skill,

new

It is

high with

inventing twists and turns to

experience.

during these years that galloping

and hopping and skipping begin to appear. Almost half of the children can gallop, and do. A third can hop, and a few can skip. Even- child can ride a tricycle and usuallv with such nonchalance that he

By Daniel from Keystone View Company

By

I.i

"lev

from Thornton

The growing independence of the four-year-old should be encouraged. The welldeveloped child will insist upon going ahead with many routine activities, but cannot be expected to do them alone regularly.

goes fast with scarcely a collision

or

life

and wagons as train and uses his

trailers

four-year-olds, for a block can be a good screw driver, a pat of mud a delicious

a

other dramatic play

quieter activities, too. Cutting with

scis-

pie,

increase

By

during

four years he

things

with

paper.

He

is

sand,

girls

the

clay,

making and

the time a child

on the

crayons,

floor.

series of

and mama. Both boys

this,

it

He

gradually learns that a

towers makes a wall. Even after isn't a simple task to learn to

make an enclosure with

play keeping house in a multi-

tude of different ways, putting out fires, running a garage, building a house, flying an airplane, adapting to their child world the most interesting features of

a stick a horse.

is four, he has gained enough skill in block building to make this an important part of his creative and imaginative life. Children learn a great deal from block building, and it is an activity that has great interest for them. A two-year-old will begin his block building with towers or rows

preschool

actively

playing policeman, engi-

neer, pilot, daddy,

and

is

and

By

though somewhat awkwardly, using a hammer and saw to make simple toys under supervision, dressing himself even to lacing shoes— all will be accomplishments of many four-year-olds. The child's imagination shows a

sors,

years.

up

motor development shows in

manv

uations with his playmates.

steady

like to dress

sit-

form

to

"trike" in

His

around them. Thev

with a purse, a hat, a cowboy suit. But such accompaniments are not necessary to stimulate the lively imagination of

lie carries crates

spill.

is

learning to bridge two blocks with

a

third.

It

learnings

90

four walls. An-

other problem the young child meets

is

easy to see that these are

which require mental develop-

The Preschool Years ment, judgment of size and space,

as well

motor co-ordination. Blocks absorb the child's attention because he can learn to make them do hii bidding. By forty-eight months a child has as

he can use them

living his experiences. in

as a

He

and other

imals,

accessories.

they become

children

three or four.

They

Four-year-olds are social beings.

an-

the time, preferably in a nursery school

of re-

them

dolls,

stimulus

a

it

likclv

For some

way

will use

combination with small

fun to teach theirO, but they to have little knowledge of what we mean by any number above think

arc

with other children, especially in groups of three or four. Every four-year-old should have a chance to be with youngsters of his own age part of

progressed in his ability to use blocks so that

91

to

like to plav

or

a

kindergarten.

Thev make warm

activity. For others they beoutlet when emotions are discome an turbed. For most they become a genuine delight for playing br oneself and good

and will plav over and over again with the same children. A "gang" of bovs will sometimes exclude all girls and

materials for co-operative undertakings

ment. Adults begin to hear children in their plav saw "Shall we let Marv play?"

language

with playmates. Questions from four-year-olds are many— not alone for a social contact but to

find

out

why and how. They

are

world around them. There is much that they are aware of which they do not understand— and can't understand no matter how much actively interested in the

wc

explain.

In fact, most children of

four get bored with lengthy explanations

and become interested

something else. They ask about death, "WTiat is a dead dog, Daddy?" "When will you die?" They understand something about time, but it is very hazy. They understand "before dinner" or "after you come from nursery school," but time as told by the clock is usually difficult for the

four-year-old

in

He

child.

questions

"Wliat is ten o'clock?" "How long is an hour?" "Is it as long as a year?" "Today" and "tomorrow" seem clear but "three weeks from now" is not understood. Because the four-year-old is so mature in

many

wavs, parents often overesti-

mate

his ability to judge

time and num-

bers.

Children of

age will count

sometimes

to

this

twenty

(if

their parents

friends

a group of

girls will

return the compli-

"We

don't want him in here." "Get out, vou can't plav with us." This is probably the beginning of feeling "one belongs" and is an imitation of the play of older children. However, the same girl who is barred from playing hospital mav be accepted readilv a few minutes later on the jungle gym. In the chatter of children

we hear

vears,

"wooshv-gooshv"

math"

for a

lots

ice

of

of

silly

four

words,

cream, or "rattyisn't liked at the faces at each other

bov who

moment. Thev make

and laugh uproariously. Often this silliness goes on at mealtimes, especially if there are several four-year-olds. ITiey are likelv to talk and forget about eating, or

laugh

when

comes

a time

mouth is when a child

the

full.

There he

finds out

can make others laugh by these silly tricks— and four years old is about that time. Calling names. "You're a rat," also

comes

in stvle.

Mam-

of the words

expressions of older children

and

and

adults,

vou don't like, may be used bv vour bov or girl in his desire to try out everything he hears. These are especially the ones

Childcraft

92 all

signs of increasing alertness

which

book

of past

will take their place in the

this will largely

Five Years Old is

are

the}-

ready to enter publicMany parents are

school kindergarten.

anxious to have their child "ready for kindergarten"— that magic day when he takes his place

among other five-year-olds

from other homes This is a good age

in his

for

neighborhood.

most children

to

enter the large elementary public school, in contrast to the smaller, more intimate atmosphere of the nursery school or the

informal neighborhood play group. It is a good age because by the fifth birthday most children have entered that slow, gradual period of growth which characterizes the elementary school child until

he enters upon

the rapid growth of

the pubertal period.

Boys

at five years vary

from

forty

and

one-half to forty-five and one-half inches

and they may weigh from and one-half to over fifty pounds. A girl might be even an inch shorter and weigh from twenty-eight and onehalf to forty-eight or more pounds. A boy forty-three inches tall will weigh between thirty-four and forty-seven and one-half pounds, while a girl the same height may weigh only slightly less. The height,

in

thirty

important thing at this age, as at every age, is to check each six months to be sure your child is making regular, though small, gains. Continuous growth over the vcars

is

The lie

the surest sign that five-year-old docs

all

all

goes well.

the things

did at four, but with greater vigor and

increased

skill.

in play,

for sur-

Of

course

depend on whether he

has the kind of playthings that hold his

an important birthday for children because it marks the time

many when

them

prisingly long periods of time.

events in a few months.

This

learned to co-operate with

he can enjoy play by himself

Although he

likes to

be

with other children and has actually

A

interest.

show an

child will

increase

year by year in the length of time he

continuous attention to a playis due to the fact that he is developing and therefore he can see more ways of using the plaything. He can create a greater variety of dramatic play, and he can use both his body and the play material more skillfully. Thus, he will be occupied for longer periods. gives

thing. This

they is

an

give

Five-year-olds

twenty-five

minutes'

move on

average

attention

of

before

to the next activity. This

a great increase over the two-year-old

who

spends an average of nine minutes, and the three-year-old whose average span

Individual

minutes.

thirteen

is

may spend

long as one or even two hours. On the other hand, it is true that some children at this age cannot concentrate, but flit from one thing to another with no absorbing interest. Quite often children who are emotionally disturbed show this type of behavior. children

as

In outdoor activities old children show great there are

Some

many skill.

marked individual

children

portunity

have

differences. first

op-

sliding,

and

their

climbing,

for

five-year-

However,

jumping when they come to kinderThese children are often shy about attempting to climb on play apgarten.

paratus, especially

if

other children

who

have had nursery-school experience are in the group. Sometimes they are afraid. Usually they are awkward and ill-at-casc

during the

first

learning.

need an opportunity to

ment with an

These children

try

out the equip-

adult near by to give con-

The Preschool Years when

fidence at a time are

more

skillful are

children

who

not around to push

A

teacher or mother can help an awkward child by showing him howor shove.

to hold his

hands or where to put

feet for greater

his

skill.

In climbing, children like to have arrangements of boxes, ladders, and planks which give them new adventures. They

walk across boards suspended between ladders from three to seven feet above ground.

Among

children of five

fiftv

who were attempting

vears

difficult

fence

wire

three-fourths

high,

them

of

plished the feat with

Bv

to climb a

sixty-nine

inches

accom-

skill.

about three-fourths of the children can hop, skip, and gallop. This finer muscular co-ordination is shown in ball plaving, too. Most five-year-olds can throw a ball well, and about half can this age

catch and bounce one. Ball playing thus

becomes fun, and both boys and like

to

practice

their

skill

in

girls

simple

games of throwing and catching. Rainv days are no longer too great a problem. The five-vear-old likes to cut out and paste, to draw with pencil or colored cravons, to paint. He gains increasing skill in drawing or painting things so that they look like his ideas. He usually wants to name his pictures. Often he draws what he is feeling. Doll plav,

too,

becomes

filled

with a great

deal of dramatizing of the life around

the child. Often a child will express to his dolls his anger or love or hate. Dolls

spanked or put to bed, loved or talked to as the child may need to ex-

are

own

93

but increasingly less often. By this time children have usually learned to compromise, to "give in" sometimes, to

arise,

bargain for co-operation.

how grown-up some

It is surprising

five-year-old chil-

dren are in their social relations. Of course, this is true only if they have had opportunity to play with children their

own

age for several years. If a child has not plaved with other children before going to kindergarten, he will have much to learn. He may be verv shy and spend a great deal of time just watching. He mav indeed fight because he is afraid of the other children. This may happen if other children tease him because he is not at ease. Such a child needs more time to get adjusted, to catch on to the way children play together. Trying to force him onlv makes him more insecure.

and

Wmen

he begins to

feel at

home

with others, his social learning will grow by leaps and bounds. starts to play

Language Development

The development the preschool vears

of language during

is

dramatic.

At

eight-

een months a child usually can put a few words together, but many of his sounds are not understandable even to intimate

members

of his family.

By three

can be understood even by an outsider. By four and one-half vears a child can usually sav anything he wants to say in clear, understandable words, and his years practically

all

of his language

sentence structure is good. This rapid development in three years' time has great significance in the life of

They can be with plavmates

means that he has learned the necessarv skills to communicate with others. He can express himself and show

three or four hours a day without get-

his feelings of jov or fear or anger or

press his

Children of

more

social.

and emotions. age are becoming

feelings this

ting tired. Conflicts

and

quarrels

may

a child. It

satisfaction in

words which others can

Childcraft

94

understand. In addition, he can learn from others through understanding what they say to him. He also can clear

up his own ideas about the things and people around him by talking about them. It is thus easy to see that learning language is an important aid to mental development. In fact, one way of judging mental development is through studying a child's abilitv to use language. But the language of a young child tells can get us other things about him.

We

some he

clues as to his interests

We

talks about.

know,

by what

for instance,

that children during the preschool years talk a great deal

their

activities.

selves

is

vears. It

fairly

about themselves and Concern about them-

constant from two to

shows that

center of his

own

terested in things

a

young child

universe.

He

six

is

the

is

in

and happenings and

people as they affect him. Language during these years also

re-

the child's interest in things and people. But the younger he is, the more

flects

where

there are individual differ-

else

ences. One child may ask five or six times as many questions as another; one child may be asking questions a third of

the time, while another hardly asks any.

Children often ask questions

just for the

sake of social contact.

Preschool

children

own

others of their

erv-school children,

number

who

play

with

age, especially nurs-

show an

increase in

commands

thev give from eighteen months of age to four years. Children of that age range, whose contacts are primarily with adults, show a the

of

decrease in the

number

of

commands

probablv true that children learn around four years of age that commands even to other children do not bring favorable results. No doubt, the thev give.

It is

decrease in the

number

of

commands

whom

they play.

The

things are the subjects of his speech.

the people with

Children between the eighteenth and

same child will give more commands one child than to another, or more Grandmother than to Father. Nearlv all children do some talking

twenty-fourth months are in the naming stage when thev like to say the names of objects over and over. Between two and four, however, the amount of naming as well as of talking about things decreases.

As

talk

about things gets

less, talk

about

people increases. Bv the time a child is four other people are the subject of his conversation more often than either things or himself.

The number

of questions a child asks

from eighteen months to a peak at around three years, then decreases somewhat. Even at three years one mav expect on the average only about fifteen per cent of the language to be questions. However, here as every-

increases

to

comes as they learn that adults expect to be obeved, not commanded. Of course, there will be wide individual differences. With some children the number of commands will depend upon adults

to to

to

themselves during these preschool years. Thev sometimes talk about what they

do it. For instance, a two-year-old names his toys one by one as he pulls them out of a basket. A fivevear-old bov draws a picture with crayons, and as he draws talks about what is going on in the picture. Young children are doing as they

make dramatic sounds

they play bv themselves, imitating a train, animals, an airplane, and the like. After three, also

as

children quite often carry on conversations with dolls or stuffed animals or

with imaginary people

as

they play. All

The Preschool Years

95

The five-year-old can be kept happy and busy on rainy days. He likes to paste, cut, paint, and draw. He will have enough skill to express his ideas, though adults may not always be able to understand them.

kinds of talking out loud are very good for

young

them pracmakes their play more interesting and helps children. It gives

tice in using language.

solitary

It

to stimulate their imagination. It sometimes works as a safety valve for pent-up

emotions and gives a child a chance to express his anger or fear in a way which does no harm to anyone else. Parents can sometimes gain understanding of some of the problems which their child is facing by listening to his talk during play by himself. A little girl thirty months old in nursery school one day said to her doll,

"Now,

dolly, in

our

house we always leave the refrigerator door open." At least in her playhouse she could have things the way she wanted them! Individual children vary greatly in the amount of talking thev do of this kind. Parents should do nothing to discourage it, for it may be an important help in understanding the needs of the child.

Learning how to talk easily and well is very important for young children. When a child can express his feelings and his desires in words so that adults can understand him, he feels less thwarted. Parents can more easilv know what the child needs and do what is

meet his needs. Both parand child are better satisfied and

necessary to ents

probably

less irritable.

children, talking

is

can be exchanged. place, at least

In play with other

a decided asset. Ideas

Words can

partially,

of

take the

fists.

Cer-

Vivian Rodvogin

tainly some disagreements can be ironed out through "talking it over." The child who has ideas for play and can express those ideas in words usually becomes a leader whom other young children like.

Language

also

becomes a way

of

making

sympathy, of protecting others, and thus opens the door more widely for warm human relation-

friends, of giving

ships essential to

happy

living.

Because of these very important contributions of language to mental development, social development, and emotional well-being, it is important for

Childcraft Reading

to

a

child

a good

is

way

of

helping his language development. Sharing stories and poems with Mother or Father helps him interpret the world in

which he

lives.

he

a child talks,

5.

will

mentally and

socially.

Do

on

not

insist

mar while

be handicapped

correct form or gram-

a child

is

learning language.

This will make him self-conscious and probably slow up his development. If you use good form and correct grammar, he will gradually develop it. Give him time to learn. 6.

Let a child "talk for himself" whenever

he can. Mothers who talk quicklv and easily often do all the talking for a child, and he has no need to learn to talk for himself. 7.

On talk

the other hand, don't force him to when he feels shy or doesn't want

Don't make him say "Thank you" "Good morning" or other polite phrases before he is ready socially. The best kind of "Thank you" from a young to.

or

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Preparing for Adolescence mother, who said to her fifteen-year-old. "WV.l. Morris, I see you're slicking down vour hair and wanting your trousers pressed often these days—and I know what that means. You are beginning to look at some of those nice girls glad you in your room at school.

Fm

One

are!

of the best things in life

is

a

happv relationship with someone of the opposite sex. and I want you to reallv

have vour share of

it."

Both tolerance and understanding are necessarv for the wholesome handling of

other normal phases, which

many

par-

ents find particularlv difficult to accept,

such as interest in dirty- stories or a fondness for pin-up pictures. It is first necessary to see these as perfectly norsigns of the period, and then to pro-

mal

what is necessarv' to keep the phase from lasting too long. Prolonged, exvide

cessive interest in dirtv stories

is

usually

The Process

:bn per:;d n vi'mabie in bebnnz ::"•: girls build attitudes and relationships of the right sort. study of one hundred and sixty boys and one hundred and sixtv girls throughout the three years of the junior high-school period, shows that parents and teachers often fail to understand because the voungsters' value patterns are so different from those of adults. Adults also fail to take these patterns seriously because they change so often during these years. For example, some of the qualities most admired by youngsters in others of their own age are associated

A

and atby showing off, qualities teachers and parents to en-

to compensate for basic insecurity. If

difficult for

a sense of worth through creative activities

and

social skills.

The interest

of both boys

and girls

in

having pin-up pictures of the opposite sex. including oftentimes those which are

somewhat

suggestive, are a perfectly

normal sign of their growing interest in the opposite sex. This tendency may well be considered a part of the adolescent's

self-education

in

familiarizing

himself with the structure of the opposite sex. Living with pictures of girls

or boys during the period

being with them

still

when

really

makes one a

bit

a part of the process of leaminz to be at bonne in :hei: :::"?2nv. anxious,

is

social

and

tention-getting

the excessive interest continues, the voungster needs an opportunity" to build

Social Adjustment

of

Ur. derstanding the shifts in

with

not satisfactory and

"

values that are likely to develop during

a need to show off as "wise" or "tough" is

:

Establishing a happv. accepting attitude toward the opposite sex is a necessary part of wholesome development

the result of lack of information, or of

the information

-

restlessness, talkativeness,

This period is frequently referred the "excited" or "impossible" stage for both boys and girls. They are apt to be verv self-centered and focus intenselv on their appearance, the girls plucking eyebrows and daubing on mike-un :: 2 dezree :f:en disrurbinz :: adults, and the boys less openly earning pocket combs and mirrors. This interest in one's appearance is a part of the joy.

to

as

process of

more

definitely understand-

ing and developing one's personality.

The qualities most admired are different for each sex. The results of the tests given to the bovs and girls mentioned above show" the most admired qualities in bovs to be aggressiveness, boisterousness, skill in group games, fearlessness, and readiness :: :ike

2

;bm;e

I:

if

rer:e:

ClIILDCRAFT

Kwins; Galloway

Interest in personal appearance means a child has become self-conscious. It is the iirst step in his effort to understand and develop his individual personality.

for group acceptance for them to be somewhat unkempt and rowdy than to be meek, reserved, or too clean. By the end of the ninth grade, however, at ages

by high values for cheerful friendliness and aggressive good sportsmanship with boys and girls both. While these more

im-

be admired, though not necessarily liked bv other girls. This study shows that those boys and girls who kept making themselves acceptable to the changing values of the group got a strong sense of adequacy and belonging from the recognition and appreciation of their companions. This helped all other adjustments, including adjustments in school. No child kept the same degree of popularity throughout the period, and many went through

fourteen or fifteen, while

it is

still

portant to be a leader in games and have skill and daring, the other qualienthusiasm, good humor, social ease and poise, personableness and good grooming have become equally impor-

physical ties of

tant because of the

budding

interest in

the opposite sex. Boisterousness and

at-

tention-getting are associated with childishness

and gradually

The most admired different picture.

left

behind.

girls

present a very

At eleven or twelve

they are friendly, pretty, tidy, quietly and docile, with a quiet good

gracious,

humor. Being

a

tomboy

is

accepted but

not sought. Aggressive, boisterous behavior is strongly disapproved. But by fourteen or fifteen, at the end of the junior high-school period, the sedate "little ladv" values have been replaced

boisterous

values

glamour-girl tvpe

are is

dominant,

also

coming

periods of anxiety at loss of status.

who had

the

to

Some

adequacy from accepted leadership did not have the security of warm friendship. Others who were not popular with the whole group came through with a sense of security and stability because of one or more a sense of

Preparing for Adolescence very close friends.

But whatever the

tern of social adjustment, there

is

pat-

no

question of the interest and concern of boys and girls with those of their own age.

Emancipation from Parents Part of the process of is

finding one's

side

own

becoming adult

foothold in the out-

world without the support of one's

family,

and

finally

becoming

truly in-

dependent. But the process is not easy at best. The first prospect of standing always frightening. An individneeds to be strengthened through ual being supported by those sense of a

alone

is

of his age group.

The

age group serves,

therefore, as a bridge from the dependency of childhood to. the independence

of true adulthood. Parents

who

recog-

nize the importance of social acceptance by age mates will the more readily accept the youngster's slavish devotion to

group values, even though it may be a hard to take at times. Also, they will provide enough opportunity for friendships with youngsters of the same age. The tendency to withdraw as completely as possible from all adults, including parents, is also a part of the process. The continual interference, domination, bit

and

belittling carried

ents

make

on by some

par-

easy to understand their

it

children's need to withdraw. But even svmpathetic parents are often too much

of a threat to

budding individuality and

No

matter how hard not to see maturing boys and girls as the little children they have so loved and to treat

separate selfhood.

parents

them

to

try, it is difficult

some degree the same

as always.

In addition, children usually feel young

when they are with their parents. During the period when they themselves are not yet really sure

how

adult they are, this

is

39

a particularly

unwelcome

sensation.

Thus, parents must be ready for the day when an adolescent son or daughter of twelve or thirteen puts up a sign on his door saying, "Keep out. This means you," and refuses to share letters and other confidences. It is comforting to know that if need for adolescents' privacy and independence is respected,

when they come gradually to feel secure in their new status they will return to parents for counsel and help.

On

the other hand, the surest way to

widen the gap

The

is

to struggle against

it.

one fourteen-yearold lad, whose mother insisted upon knowing and seeing all, was to buy a strong box which he kept solidly locked, refusing to show anyone the contents. The mother felt this secretiveness alarming enough to take him to a guidance clinic! After a few sessions of feeling really free to be himself, the lad volunteered to show the worker what was in final reaction of

the box, to wit: a pearl-handled penknife, bits of woodcarving, a robin's nest, two innocent looking pin-up girls,

and his own precious name on a card, symbol of his budding individuality! In happy contrast was a boy whose parents, on his fourteenth birthday, gave him a key to the house and said, "Now, Don, you are old enough to decide for yourself what is the time to come home. We have been watching you grow and develop and we know now we can trust you to do the right thing." This boy was particularly well-adjusted in his own age group and was doing well in his studies also, while the former lad was having

difficulty in

both

areas.

Careful studies of adolescent develop-

ment indicate that the three main adjustment problems that youngsters must

Childcraft

140

work out during the junior-high-school years are: making a plan for themselves their

in

own

age

group,

developing

wholesome attitudes toward the opposite sex, and gradual freedom from their parents. Moreover, they show that there is a close relationship between the successful working out of these adjustments and success in schoolwork. Con-

centration

is

not always a matter of free

but a lack of distraction due to absence of conflict. Many parents and teachers, too, become alarmed at the frequently noted slump in grades occurring about the eighth grade when all these problems are apt to become acute. It is a comfort to know that as they are successfully worked out, schoolwork will often improve as a result of better total adjustment. will,

The

studies indicate further that the

and downs and discords all the way Whether he realizes it or not, every youngster goes through some struggle as to whether he really wants to assume the greater demands of adult life, or remain in the safe and tried ways of childhood. For instance, a thirteenyear-old girl lapsed back into a week of along.

playing with dolls after attending her first evening party with boys! Incon-

and escaping reand refusing help, in wanting complete freedom and retreating from it are all characterissistency in accepting

sponsibility, in seeking help

growing up. who understand will accept temporary lapses into the ways of childtics of

Parents

hood

as a

way

of resting for the next

spurt of growth toward maturity, but

with every eftoward greater independence and

will actively co-operate

fort

To grow happily forward,

most important of these factors, and the one which influences the others, is the

responsibility.

quality of the relationship with the par-

tion in these areas than in remaining a

ents. Faith in the

unchanging love and

devotion of parents is as necessary in adolescence as in earlier years. But the love must be a liberating, not a possessive

and restraining kind,

one

that

the adolescent must get child.

He

more

satisfac-

needs to experience the

satis-

and adequate, of making his own plans and carrying them out; also of making his own mistakes and taking the consefaction of feeling really strong

He

know

strengthens maturing tendencies rather

quences bravely.

than one that clings to reactions of childhood which must be left behind. Daily physical contact with parents is essential if youngsters are to keep a sense of belonging in the family group. But when they say, "Mom, do you have to kiss me?" other contacts can be substituted, such as handshakes, pats on the shoulder, and "rough house." Parents must keep reminding them-

ther that his parents will step in before

selves

throughout the whole growth

and emogrowth do not go along on an

needs to

he makes too serious a blunder.

whose mother

flatly

A

fur-

girl

refused to let her

take the risk of going to a party during a poliomyelitis epidemic, after a period

came

in and said, "Mother, you didn't let me go. It gives me a good feeling to know that you won't let me take risks that are

of sulking,

I'm

really glad

too serious."

More

parents err in the other direc-

process that physical, mental,

tion of underestimating the adolescent's

tional

capacity

even keel, but that there are

many ups

make

to

think things through, to

wise decisions, and to carry

them

The

adolescent's

in

interest

events, art, music,

current

and nature can be

stimulating to his parents. They, too, should continue to grow and find life with their children and with each other richer

and more

interesting.

This may be in part because they to understand how rapidly the young mind grows when adolescence starts. Mental growth is almost complete out. fail

by the sixteenth

year.

Even

in

pacity to think really well. All they lack

the wisdom born of experience, and

the time certainly getting

Of

is

ripe for

them to start

it!

course,

foundations for making

wise decisions should be laid in the years by establishing genuine democratic processes in the family, that is, by asking children, even at an early

earlier

judgment and opinions, and having them sit in on discussions of family problems. Then, taking a more mature share of responsibility for individual and family decisions will come about naturally as the young person grows toward adulthood.

Own Adjustment

But understanding

should seek help. They should have no in seeking help for such difficulty than in seeking it for physical illness. Help can be found. Both parents need fulfillment as individual persons if they are to make wholesome contributions to their marriage and family life and to receive the increasingly rich returns

may

own

may even hinder their

chil-

parents

dren's development toward deepening attachment to their age mates, gradual

acceptance of the opposite

sex,

growing

to

help them avoid relaxing their efforts. The need to shift their own emotional center from their children, though uncomfortable for a time, may yield rewards in extending their own horizon. Also, the extra free time, as boys and girls are more and more absorbed with

own

activities

away from home, do more couple, and also as

gives parents opportunity to

is

cause of lack of fulfillment in their

which come

who keep

growing. Adolescence be the very spur parents need to

those

their

not enough. Many parents who recognize the needs of maturing sons and daughters still fail to promote wholesome trends. Belives,

from Monkmeyer

more hesitancy

age, for their

The Parents'

(irugor

the

years preceding, youngsters have the ca-

is

By

things together as a

Furthermore, the adolesexpanding interests in current

individuals. cent's

events, the arts, nature, and hobbies, so necessary to his sound development,

may open up whole

new inWith readi-

areas of

terests to his parents, too.

welcome change, life does not and joy at middle age, but grows deeper and more fulfilling as

ness to

independence in making decisions, and gradual growing away from home. Parents who have not achieved for

lose luster

themselves satisfying marital adjustment

and more

141

richer meanings, deeper understandings, selfless

love unfold.

ClIILDCRAFT

l_j.2

SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT i. How mav the limits of the adolescent's freedom be determined? Does vour child have privileges and responsibilities equal to his age and powers?

2. Keep a record of conflicts between the parents and children in your family for one week, writing out what was done about them and the result. How might they have

been solved more creatively? 3. Work out a democratic way for changing plans and rules that will help smooth out these conflicts. Are there some rules the parents should observe also?

4.

How

can you determine vour child's chief goals and values at the present time? can you keep alive to the shifts in his goals as adolescence progresses?

How 5.

A

thirteen-vear-old girl

vou're telling me,

won't.

I

remarked If

in

command from her father, "If might." How should the father you might have secured a better response

answer to

vou're asking me,

a

I

respond? Do vou recall any instances when through asking vour child rather than telling him?

Are there any signs that the pubertal cycle has begun in your child? Whv are parents apt to overlook or misinterpret these signs? Talk over with vour husband (or wife) what you need to do to prepare your child for puberty. What information does he need about phvsical changes and reproduction? What opportunities should he have for creative outlets and social contacts? 6.

many

7.

To what

degree are vour present life patterns laying foundations for happy and middle age and beyond?

fruitful living at

BOOKS TO READ Reiss, Oscar, M.D. My Body

Baruch, Dorothy W., and York: Harper & Brothers, 1934. Faegre,

and

Marion. Understanding Ourselves. Minneapolis:

How

It

Works.

New

University of Minnesota

Press, 1944.

Keliher, Alice. Life

and Growth.

New

York: D. Appleton-Century Co., 1938.

Strain, Frances B. Love at the Threshold.

Tavlor, Katharine tury Co., 1938.

W. Do

Adolescents

New

Need

York: D. Appleton-Century Co., 1940.

Parents?

New

York: D. Appleton-Cen-

BROTHERS

AND SISTERS Ewing Galloway

JAMES

JAMES

L.

L.

HYMES,

HYMES,

JR.

who have

sisters are fortunate.

opportunity

Actually, of course,

WHICH

for

and boys who They have a wholesome,

a

seem to have been granted. They haye run the gamut of the sexes. Their friends sound enyious when they say, "Aren't you lucky!"

who do you want, a bov or

brothers

happy childhood.

JR., Professor of Education

and Co-ordinator of Earlv Childhood Education at the New Paltz State Teachers College (N. Y.), formerly managed the Child Service Department at Kaiser Company, Inc., Portland Yard and the Oregon Shipbuilding Corporation. He was responsible for the wartime care of more than four thousand children under six years of age. In addition to his professional training and experience, Mr. Hymes is the father of two children, a boy and a girl.

Girls

have good

it is

their children

are lucky. Because there

is

more

For there is no way in which parents can determine the sex of their

than one child in the family, thev have a good chance for happy companionship. In addition, they haye an unusual opportunity for the best and most important kind of "sex" education: the chance to know naturally and easily the

yet-to-be-born children.

physical differences between the sexes

The question keeps being asked because many people haye a strong prefer-

and the chance

ence. If there were anything they could

capacities.

do about it, many of them would probably want a boy first, then a girl, so they would haye at least one of each. Parents who haye both boys and girls

both boys and girls, the children get off to a good start by being more apt to be accepted for what they are. The boys have a chance to be boys and the girls to be girls. The parents, having some of

a girl?"

How frequently this is

question

asked! But, of course

it is

a

foolish one.

are considered fortunate; their wishes

sex

H3

is

to

know what

like in attitudes

and

the other

interests

and

Further, because there are

Parents must constantly remember that there are differences among children.

They have ferent

different

growth patterns,

personalities,

different

dif-

abilities,

different needs.

an average child and a brilliant one; a calm brother and a more excitable sister. This can be a source of joy if parents help each child develop his abilities as they appear. It can be a source of trouble— for parents and children— if Keystone View Company

each, are not apt to feel

unwanted

make

parents refuse to recognize differences

their children

or unsatisfactory because

and try to make their children all achieve the same thing, at the same rate, in the same way.

they wanted a child of the opposite sex.

No

need to make a tombov of

Mary or a sissy out of John. This is very important because every child has the right— and he needs the right all through his life— to be himself. He needs to be accepted and loved for what he is. The mere fact of having brothers and sisters, however, does not guarantee a perfect childhood. It can mean a good start,

particularly in

the all-important

business of being wanted, being loved

and accepted, being allowed to grow and develop naturally. The question is how to build on to this good start and how to help the children get the most in companionship and in understanding of the opposite sex.

For even children with brothers and do sometimes have pressures put to try to

make them

into

fit

some parents expect

into a picture which

they have in their minds of what a bov should be like; they have ideas too of

what the "ideal"

girl

and woman

is,

and

they try to force their girls to fit into this mold. Boys are supposed to play with balls, girls are supposed to plav with dolls. Men are the breadwinners, women are the homemakers. Yet there

many exceptions to these dreams and standards. The important thing is to let each child be himself and grow in are

than to force him into a preconceived notion of what he should

his way, rather

be

like.

Some

other

children to be

sisters

upon them

In another area, their boys to

little

parents

expect

more babvlike

grown up than the children

or

their

more

are entitled

to be for their age, whatever their age

mav

be.

Older children, for example,

something they are not. For example,

are given responsibilities

some parents expect

their children

vears in helping care for vounger ones;

to be alike. But having the same mother and father, living in the same house, eating the same food, do not make children like peas in a pod. There mav be one beautiful child and one plain one;

the five-vear-old is expected to have as good table manners as the eight-yearold; the baby is kept a baby because the older children seem all grown-up. Such

all

beyond

their

attitudes are apt to cause difficulties.

144

Brothers and Sisters Children

The

Can Be

Different

fact that parents

the physical differences in the

all

children of the same family ought to

be another help. The same parents haye slightly built, rather delicate

boys with

robust, hearty sisters; they ha\*e children

who

in height,

differ

their hair,

Voices

and

in

the color of

in the color of their eyes.

appetites

differ,

as

differ,

do

weight, strength, and energy. Physical differences are not only easier to see; they are easier to accept. Parents do not try to stretch out their short children,

squash

down

fat ones, in

the

tall

order to

They accept

ones, reduce the

make them

makes him one of the children in who is most helpful in discussions, in committee meetings, and in classwork on a project. The trouble comes at home and in part because Man-, the sister, is so much more like her parents. She is vounger, so her parents would not be surprised to see her flitter and flutter from one thing to another more than "grown-up" Billy. But Man* doesn't. She too gets along well at school and has a very good time. But Man has her good time in a quiet way. Although she is only beginalso

do have both boys and girls ought to be a constant reminder that children can be different. Seeing

•45

all alike.

these differences and learn

his class

7

ning to learn to read, she likes to look books and pictures. When she plavs, she stays clean. Her clothes never seem

at

to

and torn

get dirty

though she

Mary

is

to live with them.

time.

Temperament Diiieiences Among Children. Other kinds of differences — just as real and just as valid— brother parents more and are harder to handle intelligently. There can be real differences in temperament, for example. The Browns have two children, a bov nine and a girl who is six. Both Mr. and Mrs. Brown

house, she walks; she

are quiet people

and to

who like

Billv,

boy, "gets on their nerves/'

he seems

He

likes

their

To them

bundle of nerves and energy. to play ball and he likes air-

a

plane models; his pockets are

full of all

kinds of "junk"; he bounces into the

house and he bounces out of the house. His voice seems loud; he runs and shouts and skips; he never walks, according to his parents. Billy gets along well at school.

other children like as a leader.

makes floor

And

him and look

to

The him

the same energy that

Billv clutter

up the living-room

with pictures of airplanes and ships

Billy's,

game

all

al-

the

does not run through the sits more than

she talks in a quieter voice; she

Billy;

even stays longer at some jobs than Billy. Her parents like that kind of behavior. The thing they most of all cannot understand is how two children from the same family can be so different. But they are. Intelligence Diiieiences

to read, to talk,

listen to the radio.

like

right in the

Among

Chil-

Another kind of difference that is found among children of the same famdren.

ily

is

a difference in intelligence.

Brown

The

children get along equally well in

That is not the case with the Smith children. The Smiths also have a boy and a girl. The bov, who is older, seemed to skate through elementary school. Nothing was difficult for him. He learned to read in no time at all. He counted house numbers and automobile license plates and numbers in the newspapers even before he went to school. After he learned to read, he read everything and remembered what he read. As school.

Childcraft

L46 a result

he had more information at his

most other children. He also liked to stand up and talk, so that the teachers all knew the Smith boy and were glad to have him in their class. Sallv Smith is three years younger finger tips than

than her brother. The first-grade teacher told Mrs. Smith how much she was looking forward to having Sally come to school. "Bobby was so nice to have in class." But even the teachers were surprised when Sallv did not learn to read by the end of her first year in school. Sallv was almost kept back, but, because Bobbv had done so well, the teachers (and the Smiths) were sure that Sally

would catch up in the second grade. There were other differences, too. Bobby's hand was always in the air, begging the teacher to call on him. Sally was more often daydreaming, even after she learned to read. This annoyed her teachers and it annoved her parents very much when they were told. Her parents felt

that Sally was not trving verv hard.

They were more convinced

of this

when

the teacher reported one dav that Sally's

desk was

full of all

kinds of pencil and

era von drawings.

Sally did learn to read,

when

and verv

nicelv,

she was seven. But her marks in

ily.

Their parents had wondered

differences reallv could exist;

they can. Heredity and Environment Cause Differences Among Children. Enough is

known about heredity

there

is

ment

even

was a very smart child. assured

them

that

The

he

Bobbv

that there

a difference in the environ-

which children in the same family are born. In one family the first child is born in depression years when both mother and father are worried almost constantly about their income; the second child is born when the father is working on a well-paid job. The family has been able to move away from their in-laws and to buy a small house of their own. The third child is born just after the father enlists in the

Army

so that

two years are spent without ever seeing his Dad. All in the same family, ves; but with major differences in the atmosphere and composition of the family as thev grew up. Children in the same family can differ in the rate at which thev learn to crawl and walk and talk and read and this baby's first

Thev can

in their physical

ing only average schoolwork. But

show

into

write.

Smiths that she had normal intelligence and could be expected to continue do-

to

no physical reason why children in the same family should not differ in many respects and sometimes differ widely in very pronounced respects. It must also be remembered that is

not at the very top

her brother's. r Ilie school psychologist found out one reason why very soon. Sallv was a good, average child; the psvchologist told the

such they

know

school were never higher than passing— like

if

now

differ in their interests,

appearance and their

attractiveness to other people, in their

whole pace and speed of moving and living,

in

their

intelligence,

attention

and temper. The parents' goal is to accept each child for what he is. How can thev best do it? span,

psvchologist

could

go

Differences

on

through college doing as good work as he was doing in the sixth grade. Yet Sally nud Bobby are from the same fam-

Can Be Fun

Parental Attitude.

One

first

step in

building on to the good start that brothers

and

sisters

have

is

to

know and

to

Brothers and Sisters accept the fact that children do

A

second

step,

and

a

differ.

most important

to feel honestly glad that chil-

one,

is

dren

differ.

There are adults who want

The traveler who spends all

everything to be one way. to France, for instance,

time looking for

his

makes

a store that

chocolate sodas the way they do at home is that kind of person. Some people all the houses on their street to look like their house; they like to talk only to people who go to their church and belong to their political party. They

want

like

only their kind of furniture and

the scenery in their part of the world.

Other people get more fun out living

when they meet

differences.

of

Thev

know what they like; they have their own ideas; but they enjoy talking to people with a different point of view, visiting places where people live in different ways, tasting foods that are

cooked differently from their home

They think

it is

more

ple each have their

exciting

own

style.

when

peo-

customs. Par-

ents of brothers and sisters sometimes have to have a little of this attitude. Using Comparisons for Discipline. If parents can genuinely like differences, if they can feel that it really does take all kinds of people to make our world go around, thev are less likely to make the mistake of using comparisons as a kind of discipline. This avoidance is the third step in helping children feel wanted and loved for what they are.

Active Billy in

the

first

Brown and

his parents,

example, were headed for

trouble

on

in their

home

this very count.

was,

The

refrain

"Why can't you be "Why can't you

quiet like your sister?"

pick

up your

does?"

Mary

things the

"Why is

way your

don't you

sit

reading." There are

sister

sons

why

L

this usually

means

47

does not work well

discipline.

One major

no

reason. Per-

haps Billy should be quiet

when some-

as

a

reason

one is

is

is

of

that there

is

sick or sleeping

or because he

indoors; probably he should learn to

up his things, because they are dangerous and untidy and because they will get lost; perhaps reading is one way Billy could spend part of a rainy afterpick

noon

or the time before supper. But "because Mary does" is neither a worthv nor an acceptable reason. Comparisons not only do not work as discipline; they make Billy mad. Billv

may show it or he may not, but it is hard to like a sister who always seems to do things the "right" way. A brother or a sister should be someone to like and to enjoy; it is hard to like a person who is a constant threat. Using comparisons, then, is unfair to both the "good" sister and "bad" brother. It can make Billy resentful toward Mary and it can stop Mary from ever having the friend that Billv could be. Interpreting Children's Diiierences to

Others.

There

is

a

still

that parents can do.

fourth

They can

thing

interpret

whom they know to be but still equally valuable, to other people who may see only that the children are different. Parents sometimes have to do this kind of groundwork with grandparents. For various reasons the behavior of one child may be more acceptable to grandparents than their children,

different,

that of another. for example,

is

A

people to appreciate. ents

must do

very active child,

sometimes hard for older is

The

first

thing par-

to appreciate the

child's activity fully as

much

as

one they

and read?

appreciate the other child's quietness.

manv

Then perhaps

rea-

a

word

of explanation or

Philip Gendreau, N.Y.

Children should not be forced to conform to so-called masculine or feminine patterns. Household duties, for example, should be shared equally.

be the child

who

needs finger paints

and crayons and water colors at home and at school, so that her interests have a

way

of getting out.

Her brother mav

be the kind of child who wants and should have all kinds of books to read. Providing the workbench or the chemistry set or the paints and easel or the ball

and bat may be the means of help-

own way of doing more worthy. Children. This is good pre-

ing a child to use his tilings to feel

Protecting

ventive medicine; sometimes just plain

time can help grandparents to see that the energy and bustling have great value. Teachers sometimes need this kind

medicine

from parents. One wise parent, to give an example, could tell that her girl was not so scholastically gifted as her boy. She made a special

ample,

a

little

praise

at

the

right

of interpretation

when

from a lot of pressure that might have made her school start a very un-

sure

to

that one

Grow. Parents also the chance

provide

for their children's different abilities to

grow and blossom. They can be guided bv the knowledge that each difference can be a source of strength. Sally Smith, with her desk full of little drawings, may 148

will fail.

may be

A

party, for ex-

great fun for outgoing,

and an ordeal for shyer may be frightening to one child and a great adventure to another. The good parent loves all

buovant

Billy

Jane; starting to school

his children well,

when some

but there are times

extra loving or special praise

or unusual attention saves the day.

The Danger

of

Having Favorites. Some-

times parents have a "full-time favorite" —not a child receiving occasional extra attention to a child

happy one. be

moments

knows

and the other

of going to school before her daughter ever entered first grade to assure the teacher that she would not be disturbed if Sarah did not forge ahead so quickly as her son had. This little reassurance to the teacher saved Sarah

Letting Diiteiences

needed. There are

of her children will succeed beautifully

point

can

is

the smart parent

make up

whom

for something, but they prefer day in and

day out in contrast to another child who is seldom preferred. Obviously this attitude of favoritism is a great handicap to both children. It usually is uncomfortable, too, for the parents because thev know it is not the feeling they should have. This does not mean that

Brothers and Sisters each child must be loved "equally" in any mechanical sense. It is very normal to have a different feeling of love for different children.

But the

basic accept-

ance of each child must be so genuine and deep that the child feels no sense of being "out."

Most

parents

want

thing, to let each child

own way, but

to do the right be himself in his

for all their

tions they find

good inten-

hard to accept

it

tain things their children do.

cer-

They know

that they get more irritated than they should because one child is noisy; they know that they get more disturbed than is necessarv because one child is plain looking; and they know that they get more frightened than is right because one is slower in school. Intellectually

these parents

grow

in their

But, for

all

know that children must own way to be themselves.

of that, they

still

try to force

them away from certain kinds havior and toward other kinds.

of be-

It helps in these instances for the parent to try to think out for himself

why he

feels the way he does, why he one child most of the time, and why he is irritated and annoyed with the behavior of another. There is no one

favors

answer; however, verv frequentlv parents will discover that the answer lies, not in the child's behavior, but in something that once happened to them.

really

The

parents

who themselves did very mav become very pleased who is "a chip off the old

well in school

over a child block,"

who shows

school subjects. ents

who

school have, child

as

of dressing; the mother who had a hard time socially when she was young may be overanxious for her own girls to dress and behave in the way the mother

thinks will win

Once

them

parents

friends.

realize

the origin

of

annoyance or fear or dislike of a particular kind of behavior, or of their overindulgent attitudes toward another, they have gone a long way toward being able to allow their children to be themselves. They can know, then, that the annoyance is not over something Jimmy or x\lice is doing now, but something that happened many, many years ago. their

It

enables

havior

is

thought

it

Parents find

them

to realize that the be-

not so bad

as

thev perhaps

was.

who

get this far sometimes

some help bv

visiting school to watch, not their children but other children. Manv times thev discover then that the behavior that so disturbed them in their own children is really quite common. Those parents who try to understand themselves and their children are

better able to do the only thing that can mean real happiness for children: help them grow, as they are intended to grow, into the full development of themselves as individuals.

Children Don't Always

Fit Patterns

Children are sometimes kept from be-

the other hand, par-

and wanted when parents try to change them from what thev are into what they think a boy or a girl should be. There is pressure on parents from the moment their Billy or Mary is born to think of what a boy or girl should be instead

themselves had trouble in

much

a very

good-looking girl may get unusually bothered at her daughter's careless ways

ing themselves and from feeling worthy

and perhaps

achieved

The mother who was

progress.

same

interest in the

On

149

they

never

in life as they

might

feel

may become undulv critical of a who does not make good school

Childcraft

150

the bov's presents should be wrapped in blue and the girl's in pink. The blue is

one frequently hears parand others say to even very young boy babies, "Here, don't you cry. Be a little man." The implication is that it

meant

of

what

their children actually are.

This

pressure starts with the custom that says

to symbolize the sturdy, strong,

so strong that

ents

is all

right

self-reliance of

all,

she

softer,

schools

manhood; the pink — a more gentle color— is meant to

stand for the alleged dependent,

and

fragile quality of girls

frail,

and women.

This would work out nicely except all boys are what boys "should

that not

be"; neither do

all girls

come up

to the

preconceived ideal for their sex. Everyone knows examples. In one family it is the boy who is studious and the girl who likes to play. In another family it is

who is frail physically and who climbs trees, bats the ball,

the bov

the

girl

and chins

on the

herself

still

they can be, and frequently are, different from what a boy or a girl is "supposed

There is a model for what boys are supposed to be like; there is a model for what girls are supposed to be like; and there is also what could be called a pattern for bovs in comparison with

Each parent

fixed ideas in his

carries

some

of these

mind. Unless parents

examine what thev

believe, there

is

dan-

ger that these patterns will keep their

from being themselves from feeling worthy and wanted.

children

Pattern lor Boys. is

much more

girls.

Bovs and

be" strong,

a

want

girl.

Many

elementary

to include cooking experi-

ences in their curriculum because these provide an excellent first-hand way for children to learn arithmetic, counting,

and measures, and

weights

Some ing

but they do not

right for girls,

is all

want

fractions.

parents protest saying that cook-

made

their boys

into

Pattern tor Girls. There

model

clear-cut

for girls.

sissies. is

no such

About 1900

there was. Then the girl was supposed to be someone who kept quiet, who kept

who

liked to play with

and who helped with household tasks. For women, and for girls, these concepts were summed up in the expression, "Church, Kitchen, and Children," as women's only proper fields of dolls,

World War

interest.

I

broke

down

this

pattern somewhat; the growth of high

to be."

girls.

his sister cries because, after

her dresses clean,

crossbar.

another family the boy is the more sensitive one. He has rhythm, likes music, and appreciates color. Children not only are different from each other; In

if is

tall,

The model

clear-cut

men

arc

and

for boys

than that for

"supposed to

courageous, aggressive.

school and college education for

broke

girls

down more; and World War

it

shattered

it still

II

further.

This model was not held to in a

clear-

cut fashion in the earlv days of our country. Then, many women and girls played

an active part

in

keeping themselves and

their families alive. Great-grandmother,

who

crossed the country in a prairie schooner, was not a frail person to be tvpificd bv a pink ribbon. The mother of

the 1840's,

who

bore her children in a

rude cabin and went the next day to the well for water

did

not and

and

to the fields for food,

could

not behave as a

and competitive. Above all, the "ideal" boy is not supposed to be a sissy. The

fragile creature of the delicate color.

pressure of this clear-cut pattern can be

women

There

arc parts of the

world where the

arc the managers, the providers,

Brothers and Sisters and the

fighters.

In these parts

the

it is

man's job to keep the house and mind the children. These examples from the past, and from other countries, show that the pattern held to for women did not grow out of anything basic or essential in

women

up-to-date. People persist in thinking something should be long after it no longer is and never will be again. Manv parents still hold the model of the lepo's for girls of todav. There will continue to be intelligent, active girls who are overprotected, underinformed, and confined in their interests.

Some

women, they mav be

role

their familv,

in

when

dav,

thev

forced to play a

community, and

world for which they were not prepared in their childhood. Thev are apt to be both unhappv and unsuccessful. Preieience for Boys, There

is

a third

children

their

What

can parents do to help their children who differ from what they are "supposed to be"? Clearly the first thing for the parent to do is to know and to believe that the only way children will achieve happiness is to develop naturally. WTien a individual

child

not for

to

forced to

is

One

obvious

the verv natural desire of

thers to

know

go on.

A

that the family

name

second reason, and

strong one for

some people,

is

a

a pattern that

is

no matter how much these may differ from the model he is supposed to follow —stands the best chance of success. In the case of boys, for whom the is so clear-cut, parents can take

model

men, equallv

is

fit

he loses some of his best hopes good living. The child encouraged pursue his interests and abilitieshis,

sicians, its quiet

reason

girls.

Helping the Individual Child

manv

are deep-rooted in our past.

to help each accepted and

is

feel

account in the handling; of their

kind of pattern which parents of brothers and sisters must think about. It has been said earlier that, if most parents could have their wish, thev would probably prefer to have a bov babv first and then a girl. It seems true that, in most families, boys have a position of greater importance than do girls. There are reasons for this preference which

1

wanted and loved, if they want them to grow to the utmost of their ability, they must take the preference for bovs into

themselves.

There is danger that bovs and girls will be forced into a model that does not fit them— and one that is not even

are

the aim of parents

If

of

5

real

comfort

in

knowing

that,

despite

many famous, successful, and happv men were different from the the pattern,

"ideal." This

is

a

wide world into which

children are growing; there for

many

is

a place

different kinds of talents.

world needs

its

poets and as

artists

The

and mu-

men and its studious much as the more

rugged types.

fa-

Pressures for Conformity

will

very

the sup-

posedly greater help that a boy can be

he grows up. He can help with the he can help in the fields, he can carry on the business, and he is sup-

The parents who feel this confidence completely will not themselves be guilty of forcing their children; they can act buffers

against

outside

pressures.

as

as

chores,

Other adults and the boy's own "gang"

posedlv

more protection

in their old age.

for his parents

make

it

difficult for

the others.

him not

to be like

The problem of music leshome is an example.

sons in the average

^Mi^j

Brothers and Sisters Variety oi Activities. Parents can do

one other thing of ture for their

girls.

more

a

Since the ideal of

the 1900's does persist ple, it

is

that girls

positive na-

among many

peo-

important for parents to see are exposed to a sufficiently

wide variety of experiences so that the}' have the chance to develop the interests that best suit them. A good example here

is

the standard practice of nurserv

schools to have carpentry benches used by both boys and girls. Carpentry "should be" a bov's activity, yet in the nursery school girls enjov it as much as boys and do as well at it. So, too, in the nurserv school with climbing and large building and active games; girls enjoy these fullv as much as bo vs. At the elementary school age, too, the wise parent and the wise teacher make no

between boys' acGirls have an equal chance to work in the shops, in the science laboratories, on the plaving fields, and in the museums. For it is only out of a wide exposure to expeparticular difference tivities

and

girls'

activities.

riences that interests can develop.

Some

53

Both should be premodern world where their responsibilities and opportunities are increasingly becoming equal, if not well as the boys.

pared to

live in a

identical.

Letting Children Be Their

The

Age

first-born child in a family

own

is

usu-

grow and develop

ally privileged to

at

speed until another child is born into the familv. There are no older ones to set examples; there are no younger ones to push him along. He may be held up for comparison with cousins or children of neighbors and friends, but these pressures are not the his

same

rate of

by brothers and under the same roof.

as those created

sisters living

A New Baby Is Born. The secondborn, regardless of sex, makes new demands on Mother's

The

time.

older

often expected to become selfreliant overnight. There are not enough child

is

hours in the day for Mother to get all the clothes washed, the bottles sterilized, the meals cooked. She becomes, therefore,

impatient with

increasingly

girls

enjoy most those activities that best fit the pattern; others never use all

the fumbling ways of the older child.

their abilities unless thev are widelv ex-

to tie his shoelaces, to brush his teeth,

posed to manv possible activities. This little extra effort to make sure that the sister in the familv has wide

to

is also one good way to tendency which makes some parents put more value on their bovs. Here, too, thev must do what thev can to know their own prejudices, hard as

She had time before to teach him how

comb

there

offset the

well

determine the extent to which, in their own family, they put the boys first. The aim, as parents, should be to help their children

grow

their capacities; this

to the

all

utmost of

means the

girls as

him

she

to

is

is

a period

to

plan

when

their

busy, busv,

grow up

After the arrival of the

opportunities

they are to recognize, and thev must

Now

his hair.

busv. She wants

fast.

new babv

parents will do

time.

Thev must

"budget" even small blocks of time to spend with this child who has been the one-and-onlv up till now. He needs extra loving to assure him that he still holds an important place in his parents' affection.

He

needs special treats like

to the zoo or the which the babv

He needs

trips

store or visits to friends is

too young to take.

special gifts or privileges

which

ClIILDCRAFT

*54 now, "because he

are his,

child keeps his this

way and

is

is

older."

The

sense of belonging in in the best position to

continue making his own progress. He also has less occasion to resent the baby's arrival for it means not only some

but also some gains. extremely important, too, to allow this first-born child to be himself —or herself— without putting new pressures on him. If he is three, parents must not suddenly and without warning expect him to act as if he were four. The child who is rushed too fast and

losses It

is

given too cide that

little it

consideration

would be pleasant

may

de-

to be a

baby again, too. He may wet his thumb, cry at the slightest thing, trying in many ways to gain the same kind of attention from his mother that the new baby is getting.

little

clothes, suck his

new child to new setting for the older children. The mere change in order of their succession may have deep meaning. The second child, who The

addition of each

the family group creates a

becomes the middle him and end other at the a babv taking his place now has two child of the line. The first his more of behind him to take up help called upon to mother's time. He is has been the baby,

one with an older one ahead of

.with caring for both the younger ones

and

is

sometimes expected to be more

than ever the model in all behavior. The last child in the line has more chances for comparison with the ones

who were born proaching his

first.

first

Baby Jimmy, apand still walk, is compared

birthday

making no attempt to with sister Jill and brother Jack who both walked at eleven months. Mother and Father begin to show concern, to wonder why he is slow, and they stand

him up on

wobbly

his

that he should

legs

and

tell

him

try.

The Last Child. The last-born child opposite direction. He may be prodded ahead because of what his brothers and sisters have done, but he may also be held back and overprotected because he is the last baby the family will rear. I lis physical rate of growth will not be stopped but more things may be done for him, making him more dependent; he may be given fewer opportunities to explore and experiment because he is more "precious." His hair and his clothes may be kept babyish overlong, hindering the growth and spread of his social capacities. There is the danger of pushing the first-born child away from what he is into something older; there is the danger of changing the last-born child from what he is to a child vounger in opportunities, interests, and capacities. faces a possible difficulty in an

Getting Along in the Family

Most

adults

who have grown up

in

and sisters have many pleasant memories of the com-

a family with brothers

panionship of their childhood. They are anxious to have their children grow up with happv times to remember too.

Sometimes,

end of

at the

a

hard dav.

Mother and Father wonder how thev are succeeding. in bed, thev

can

With

recall

well

the children

too easily the

bickering that has gone on during the dav.

"Why

do

I

always have to help

with the dishes? Can't John do something?" "Mary is always getting new

You never buy anvthing for me." "He has all the fun. You never let me do anvthing." "That's mine. He took my train." They are sometimes dresses.

ISy

I.

noma from Monkmeyer

Promoting good relations between brothers and sisters is a real job but an important one. Each child must feel loved and secure; each must carry his fair share of family responsibilities; each must be completely free to be himself.

amazed and occasionally dismayed at the amount of jealousy, antagonism, and aggression that exists between brothers and sisters. How, they wonder, out of all the discord can there grow happy, pleas-

Maintaining harmony and building happy relationship between brothers and sisters is a real job. Adults reminiscing about their childhood tend to simfor

plify the job; their

ant memories? If

childhood

parents want

it

is

happy time seems essential

to be the

to be,

it

getting along together.

that the children in the family like each other; so parents are disappointed when their children prefer other people's company. Older sister thinks her younger brother is too much of a baby for her to tolerate. Brother says he is "fed up" with his sister's girlish ways; with scorn he tells all the things she cannot do and then goes off to play with someone else. Parents wonder if they have

How

can they

make

it

The

realities of

the present seem unduly tumultuous,

but the memories are

not to be

likely

very accurate. Jealousy.

and

It

is

natural

for

sisters to feel a certain

jealousy.

Except

in

brothers

amount

of

the relatively rare

instances of twins, either brother or

sis-

was first the only child. When the second child was born, this only child got a probable friend and companion, but at the same time he got an actual rival. At first the only child had all ter

done something wrong to make their children so out of sympathy with each other.

memories stretching

back over time take the rough edges off. The memories that remain are rosy ones, showing brothers and sisters naturally

right?

5:

Keystone View Company

Children

and

who grow up

sisters are better

with happy memories of living with their parents, brothers, able to establish this pattern for their own families.

the physical attention and love and

af-

and gifts; now he must share— and not on an equal basis. A new child always demands more physical handling and almost always commands more outward signs of visible affection. If parents fection

of envy

fellow

and is

of suspicion that the other

getting the best of

through childhood. There

to have love life's

and attention;

blood and no

cause quite a natural basis for jealousy beginning of the brother-

ment

at the very

pletely stops the

sister relationship.

of

cause for jealousy at the birth of a if

parents love

is

new all

not so strong

as

child, particularly

their children

and

are careful to treat each child with the

attention he needs. But the love of par-

right

constant rivalry for parental love and affection. Brothers and sisters both need

are not careful, these requirements will

As children grow older together the

it

in fact, a

is,

it

it

is

their

measure-

scientific

of "equal quantities" ever

attempt to get

as

com-

much

as possible for one's self.

Jealousy and rivalry for affection are not then unusual. Neither are they necessarily signs that brothers

and

sisters

do

not love each other or arc not com-

There are several things which parents can do, however, to keep panionable.

ents

these very natural feelings within the

is

bounds

is no casual matter to children. It not a thing that can be weighed out

nice and final balance. Just because it is so important, even well-ad-

to a

justed children can have their

moments

of being normal.

step is to make sure that children arc prepared for the birth of a

The

new 56

first

baby.

The

child

who

unexpectedly

Brothers and Sisters and without preparation finds himself thrown out of his secure place and faced with a rival has a much more difficult time in getting fun out of his new brother or sister. A child should be told, in accordance with his age and maturity, that a new baby is expected. He should also have jobs to do—helping get the

baby clothes prepared, arranging the room, for instance— so that he can feel that this is not •only Mother's and Father's new baby but his new baby too. A second step, growing very naturally crib ready, getting

out of the

first,

make

to

is

after the birth of a

new

sure that

child the other

amounts of atThere is a lot of

children also get extra

tention and affection.

"giving up" involved in having a

brother or giving

up

Sometimes

sister.

a crib, toys,

it

clothes,

new

means noisy

Mother's sole attention. This giving up should be accompanied by some real "getting" such as: special

activity, or

times alone for

Mother and the

older

children, just as there are special times for

Mother and baby;

special trips

special presents;

which only "older" children

get along. fight

57 there

If

famine, people

is

every crumb.

for

So, too, with family love. A cheerful, happy, easygoing home in which the adults show their children in many ways that each is loved has less trouble in keeping rivalry

and jealousy within the

A home

limits.

many

play ma-

and a variety of things child to do is also providing

for each

that provides

terials

a better

chance for children to get along together. Sharing is desirable between brothers and sisters and must be learned; however, if it is enforced by parental rule or it

by a

scarcity of play materials,

more

very often leads to

jealousy

and

antagonism rather than less. Sharing must come from the heart, and the willingness

share

to

slowly in children.

there

is

not enough

of anything to go around, there to

comes

possessions If

be more fighting and

is

bound natural

less

give-and-take.

A fifth point follows ents can afford

very closely. Par-

no consistent

favorites.

The

dangers of comparisons as a means of discipline and the reasons why some children are more acceptable than others

can take. Children can see that there

have already been mentioned.

are great advantages in being the baby.

sincerely

they are to love that baby, they must also see that there are new advantages in being the older child.

get along well with each other, they

If

A there

third point is

a

new

is

not only when but in all relations

true,

child,

between brothers and sisters. and affection are scarce, the fight for them is going to be more intense. If a home abounds in controls and discipline and rules and regulations, the normal rivalry and jealousy is going to be more marked. Food is a good analogy. When there is prosperity and food at all ages If

is

parental love

plentiful,

it is

easy for neighbors to

want brothers and

must make each child

parents

If

sisters

feel that

a secure place in his mother's

to

he has and his

This equal security Parents have to They sometimes have favor-

father's affections.

doesn't just happen.

work ites,

for

it.

quite unconsciously.

Each parent

own attitudes from make sure that he is

should examine his

time to time to avoiding this

pitfall.

Aggression. Jealousy and

mal reactions to

have,

for brothers

rivalry, nor-

and

sisters

can be kept within normal

bounds. This does not mean that there

ClIILDCRAFT

58

be eternal brotherly love, however.

for

For parents must recognize that fighting and aggressiveness are also normal reactions. People sometimes think that the blood tie between brothers and sisters guarantees their mutual love; actually it is being together and sharing

the

will

dailv experiences that bring love.

Brothers and

sisters

constantly

gether

strong family

in

to

Differences

ties.

to-

build in

older

responsibility feeling

child's

is doing to toward the

younger.

seems

It

sisters, all

they like

fair to say that brothers and engaged in doing the things to do with the people whose

company they for

need not be order

what the

enjoy, are best prepared

coming back

into the family fold,

are best able to accept ciate

age

and

to appre-

each other.

The Education

of the

Sexes

bring different interests; differences in

grade placement in school result in ferent friends;

and

dif-

their sex differences

them to various activities. Not only must parents not be surprised if their children quarrel as they meet problems in their dailv living; they must also not force them into a constant companionlead

and

can appreciate each other much more if they choose each other's company when they want if they must take it because it than ship. Brothers

parents insist on

sisters

it is onlv fair that children should help. When the new baby arrives, helping care for it can be a new iind thrilling experience, and a time for

in smaller ones,

learning that the

that

new member

of the

and not onlv to must be borne in mind, how-

family belongs to

ever,

sex education.

all

sharing the

The opportunity

responsibilities

is

so

ever-present that, whether parents wish it

or not,

bound

it is

to occur.

The

only

whether the education will be wisely handled for helpful attitudes or whether it will be poorly handled question

is

for negative ones.

Sex education

hard for children to like each other if, instead of companions, they must regard each other as chores. The older girl, for example, pulled away from the natural interests of her age to look after baby brother, is not getting a good start toward liking that baby brother when he gets old enough to be around. This is not to say that children must never help. In a large family and

It

special part of the companionbetween brothers and sisters deserves particular note. That is the unusual opportunity for a broad kind of

it.

It is

Mother.

One

ship

is

sometimes thought

of simply in terms of seeing that chil-

dren are informed about the physical differences between boys and girls and about the process of reproduction. This is certainly an important part of sex education and one that can be handled easilv and naturally within the family of brothers

new babv

and

sisters.

The coming

of

almost certain to lead to questions about how babies are born. The wise parent answers these questions simplv and honestly as thev come. If, as sometimes happens, questions do not come before the baby is born, the wise a

is

parent takes the opportunity to

tell chil-

dren the basic information about the

coming cue

on

birth of the baby, getting the

how much

should be looked at from the child's

amount

angle; that there should be sensitivitv

arouses. This

of

interest is

to

tell

the

from the

information

not only good informa-

Brothers and Sisters tion for children to have;

mentioned too

much

earlier, a

be

it is,

also, as

of forestalling

many

is

born there continue

opportunities for retelling

the same story and for answering questions children

own

want

best preparation for the kind of adult relations they will have.

A

jealousy.

After the baby to

way

to

know about

their

bodies and about their baby brother

Bathing the babv and toileting two experiences in which older children can share and which provide an or sister. arc

*59

girl

who

is

given exclusive house-

hold responsibilities, care of the younger children, house cleaning, laundry, cooking; a boy who is kept from sharing these jobs because he is a boy— each is being educated in what men are supposed to do and what women are supposed to do. Again, this may not be realistic education for adult happiness.

opportunity for this healthy curiosity to come to the surface. It should be stressed, of course, that questions about physical differences and the reproductive process are never answered once and for all; children absorb only so much information at one time, whether the information is about sex or the stars or how cars run. All during childhood the same questions will come up again and again until the answers are really understood. As understanding comes,

Antagonisms and deep-seated jealousbetween brothers and sisters plav a part in the same way in building attitudes toward the opposite sex. The bov, for example, who is convinced that his sister is the family favorite, able to do anything she wants and to get anything she wants, runs the risk of earning over

new

vinced that she must battle even' minute to hold her place, is laving a bad foundation for happv, trusting relations with other boys and, later, with men. These are the dangers. Much greater and much more likely are the opportunities. Brothers and sisters should plav

questions will develop.

Important as this is, however, information is only one part of sex education. Another equally important part is the attitude that develops toward the opposite sex. It is important for parents to realize that almost everything they do for and with their girls helps shape the girls' attitude toward their own sex, and at the same time builds a picture of the feminine role in the minds of the bovs in the family. For example, the girl who is always being told bv her parents that she cannot go here and cannot go there because girls do not do those things is building up a picture of herself as a fragile, precious kind of person. At the very same time, her brother

is

being

made

to think

of girls as people needing constant protection.

Neither attitude

may be

the

ies

a suspicious attitude in his later relations

with

girls

and women. The

who

girl

the need to fight even-thing and anything her brother does, who is confeels

together; share household responsibilities together; have a wide variety of adventures and experiences with other friends and together; grow up not overly conscious of "bov" and "girl" but pleas-

antly conscious of each other as

com-

panions and friends. Such brothers and sisters will each feel secure in his place

worthy and confident in himself. Such boys and girls are sure not only of a happv childhood; in the family, will feel

they will develop health}- attitudes that

make

for

happy

relationships with the

opposite sex throughout their

lives.

Childcraft

x6o

SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT brothers and i. Can you recall anything of the way you felt about your you were growing up? What carry-over attitudes are you aware of today? 2.

What

kind of a boy or

girl

sisters as

do you think your parents wanted you to be?

your children differ from one another? To what extent 3. In what specific ways do do you think these differences have been affected by the fact that they are boys or girls? 4.

What

kind of behavior do you consider acceptable in you would not approve of in

prove of in boys? In boys, that 5.

Have you

girls

that you do not ap-

girls?

consciouslv done anything to avoid the possible development of feelings on the part of your children growing out of their sex or

of inferiority or inadequacy their position in the family? 6.

In what ways has the family environment been different on the occasion of the How do you think they may have been affected by these

birth of each of your children? differences? 7.

What

opportunities have you been able to provide so that your children could

develop their 8.

What

birth of a 9.

own

interests

plans are you

and make

making

their

(or did

own

friends?

you make)

to prepare your children for the

new baby?

What

prefer to

sorts of things do your children enjoy doing together? do with other children? How do you explain this?

What

things do they

BOOKS TO READ Child Study Association. Parents' Questions. Chittenden, Gertrude. Living with Children.

Gruenberg, Sidonie.

Powdermaker, Farrar

F.,

& Rinehart,

We,

the Parents.

New

New York: Harper & Brothers, New York: The Macmillan Co.,

1936. 1944.

York: Harper & Brothers, 1939.

M.D., and Grimes, L. T. Children

in

the Family.

New

York:

1940.

Stolz, Lois Meek. Your Child's Development and Guidance. Philadelphia: Lippincott Co., 1940.

J.

B.

ADOPTED CHILDREN MOLLIE

PARENTS

AND RUSSELL SMART

S.

of adopted children share the joys and problems and dissatisfactions of all

satisfactions, the

The

parents.

differences are

easily avoided. It

is

minor ones, the

desirable

many

for

them

to

remain can become

full-

members, and that couples who would, otherwise be childless may have the basicsatisfactions of parenthood. Mollie and Russell Smart have written It's a Wise Parent. The latter is Assistant Professor of Child Development and Family Relationships at Cornell University. fledged

cepting the responsibilities of

ac-

parent-

pitfalls

greatly to the credit of our soci-

children born into families where force of circumstances makes it impossible or unety that so

Being a good parent involves

ents.

family

hood

as gladly as the privileges of par-

enthood

are accepted. In addition,

it is

necessary to maintain both a sense of humor and a sense of balance. In simpler words, a

one who and eggs, books and toys, af-

good parent

is

supplies his child with spinach

clothing and shelter,

and warmth, but who does not if at any given moment his child refuses what has been offered. A good parent is one who ac-

fection

become deeply disturbed

BEING thing

good parent is not somewhich comes ready-made to those who have brought a baby into the world; it is something acquired by those who are willing to work at the job of being para

instinctive

Ewing Galloway

Natural parents as well as adoptive parents have to get acquainted with their

new baby — learn what he

is like,

what

he needs, how to help him grow. Being a

good parent is an art; it

is

not

instinctive

like blinking.

cepts these truths: His child

human

is

a grow-

being; because he is growhe needs certain essentials in the right proportions; because he is a human

ing

ing,

62 takes time for love to grow. If an older is adopted, his new parents may need to use infinite patience and understanding during the period when he is dropping old loyalties and old ways of It

child

doing things.

being, he wants to do

some choosing

of

the circumstances under which he accepts the essentials. Being a

ent has a great deal of the

There

it.

are

some

skills

good

artistic

and

par-

about

ideas that

can be taught and learned, but there are of

many

you

others which are just a part

as a

person and which

may come

with the passage of time. These arc real truths about parenthood

and apply

definitely to adoptive parents as to natural

ones.

With Children

Life with children is never dull. No matter whether your children were born to you in the usual manner or were picked out as being just what you wanted and adopted into the family, no matter whether they are two years old or twelve, they are always stirring up something to make you think and to keep you busy. If your children are adopted, most of the things you do with them and for them are the same things you would do with and for your children by birth. You will experience most of the delights of childhood and many of the problems. You will have jokes together, enjoy reading and games, go places that are fun, see your children learn and grow, and meet crises to-

your job

Uriaci >

Black Star

Adequate play space and facilities are a "must" for a modern community. These children have a place to make friends as well as to get sunshine and exercise.

Modern

hardly possible.

life

is

trial

development, with

human

all

indus-

the disadvan-

and that there can be few opportunities for

anything like the adult-child experi-

sometimes seems to bring, will undoubtedly continue, but those effects that are bad can be lessened. The food-preparing, job-

the value of child-adult co-operative ac-

training, recreation-providing functions

tivities is

of the family will never be regained as

programs of schools and the other community agencies serving children can be made with greater ease. Family funnights, in which there are activities of interest both to the family as a group and to its individual members, can be

tages

to

they were.

The

of vouth-serving

values

it

values of the programs

groups, such as

Scouts, Girl Scouts,

Boy

Y.M.C.A., Y.W.

Hebrew Associations, Junior Red and many similar groups are established. The schooling of children will

C.A.,

Cross,

doubtless continue to be a function of

the state and local

community

rather

than one of the home. Many people faced with such facts only reach the conclusion that the family becomes increasingly less important

ences of our earlier years as a nation. Another and perhaps sounder develop-

ment may be

possible, however.

Once

accepted, modifications in the

made a

part of the regular activity of the school and the other youth-serving agencies. Youngsters can serve on important

community committees concerned with the development of better recreation, the prevention of delinquency, the im-

provement of educational

248

practices, or

i

.

Family Life and Community Living any of a variety of other local matters. In some communities the school people and other youth leaders are already

moving in this direction. In others, the idea would be responded to with interest. In those communities where the activities and interests of children are kept apart from those of adults and a change toward family-centered and adult-child programs are hard to set up,

parents

may have

to bring the pressure

of their concern directly

on short-sighted

professional workers.

In recent years, a number of schools, have developed programs centered in one or another phase of community living. But many of the activities organized to develop the interest and understanding of children in community matters are still too largelv textbook- and classroom-centered.

Some

have been more

ever,

how-

schools,

realistic in their

approach, making use of such means field trips,

community

surveys,

and

as

ac-

participation in the business, in-

tual

and service activities of the community. Such activities naturally provide opportunities for youngsters to work with adults. Parents and other adults who dustrial,

Examples

of

249

Community

Activities

At present too few schools and communities

make

it

possible for youngsters

to take a real part in significant

munity

activities,

some very

com-

but there have been

interesting examples.

Youth

Community by Paul Hanna and Learning the Ways of Democracy, a

Serves the

publication of the Educational Policies

Commission,

are

good sources

for learn-

up which

ing about the reasons for setting

these activities and the

manner

in

they were carried out. A few examples here may be helpful to those who are interested in taking an active part in developing needed servtheir own community. Needs from community to community, but each has at least one thing in common with the others— there are still ices

in

differ

many

services

would make

which,

living

more

if

developed,

satisfying.

In several west-coast communities, the need for nursery-school groups could not be satisfied through the usual state

and federal channels. Consequently, groups of parents, in co-operation with certain members of the public-school staff assisted by high-school boys and planned, organized, and staffed informal play groups which met in public

girls,

believe that the school should contrib-

ute directly to preparation for full and living in the community should

rich

determine the extent to which their schools are realistically facing the task

and

offer their services in the develop-

ment

of

more meaningful programs.

Similar

interest

by

groups

in

the

and other suitable quarters. Both parents and highschool youth found the participation in the supervision of groups of young children was particularly interesting and valuable. No less significant was the op-

parks, school buildings,

churches, the Scout troops, or the boys'

portunity to help plan a sendee that

and

a real

girls'

clubs

sponsored by

youth-serving agencies

other

may do much

to

this important emphasis on programs for youth and adult in community-serving activities.

develop joint

met

community need.

Another interesting contribution to a school and neighborhood need was made by a group of sixth-grade children, with some little help from adults in the

is known throughout the world youth organizations. More and more emphasis is being placed on the part children can play in improving

America for

its

community

services.

the year so that they might study the needs of their community and serve on various adult committees that were concerned with community problems. This opportunity, coupled with visits to several other communities, all under the guidance of an interested and able teacher, was reported to have been most successful. By Paul Tarker from National

Girl Scout

News Bureau

One small Virginia community, which

and in the community. The school was cramped for outdoor play space, a real problem for all the children. Several youngsters had noticed a vacant lot down the block. It was covered with rocks and overgrown with school

poison ivy. Out of discussion in the classroom a project grew which meant securing permission from the owner of the lot and city officials for its use, learn-

faced a startling increase in juvenile delinquency in the days before World War II, developed a community-wide program that helped the community get back to normal life when the town was later crowded with war workers. It demonstrates, among other things, the way in which interested individuals can stimulate a whole community to develop and carry out a plan of action. Briefly told, the story

is

one of a few

city offi-

ing best

methods for getting rid of poison ivy, clearing away the trash, enlisting fathers and other adults for some of the

going to school authorities, parents, professional, social, and recreation workers, and other interested citizens with

heavier work, planning the layout of the

the facts on delinquency in their community. High-school pupils were drawn in and gave good ideas on action which they thought might help reduce delinquent behavior. Eventually, a variety of groups and individuals took part in developing a program which resulted in a

playground with recreation experts, and developing a schedule for supervision. A sense of accomplishment and of being able to do something of importance for other people, as well as learning use-

information during the course of the work, was gained by each child who took part. In addition, a greater sense ful

of responsibility for

community

welfare

was fostered. In a midwestern high school, a group of about thirty senior boys and girls was freed from most of their academic requirements for a considerable part of

cials

community-wide recreation tering in a

building.

As

activity cen-

new community

recreation

in the vacant-lot situation,

the results of effort brought real faction to all those taking part.

These

satis-

illustrations are of value pri-

marily in that they indicate

some

of the

kinds of services which children, youth,

250

—

Family Life and Community Living and adults may develop for the community good. Parents and teachers, the two groups primarily concerned with the education of children, have a real sponsibility in helping to

make

re-

possible

such experiences for children and youth. task is not easy. "Busy work/' even if glorified, will not produce the results activities as those just described bring.

The

The outcomes must be

of real social

value; a genuine contribution

made

to

community

welfare.

must be In the

modern, highly organized community, the number of activities through which youngsters can contribute something of value is not large, but the challenge is that much greater. Groups of community leaders, including parents and children, could well spend some time in surveying the needs of their own communities and in determining ways and means in which youth and adult could

meet these needs. Co-ordination of

Community Services

tional Congress of Parents

and Teachers

said:

"The social and welfare agencies have aimed high and accomplished much for child welfare, including

home

life,

educa-

and material security. And to them America is grateful. But in solving old problems they create new ones by their very existence. The more numerous

tion, health,

that busy themselves in behalf of children, the greater is the likelihood of scattered, confused effort and are the groups

unsatisfactory results; for as

is

one

and time

child.

He

we have been

again, the child after

all

cannot be parceled out,

as

were, with his mind dispatched to the school to be trained, his body to the clinic

it

be regulated, and his soul to the church

to be guided, while his sentiments remain at home to be refined and sweetened. It is

part of

what we have grown

so weary

of hearing discussed as the 'complexity of modern life,' and those who have at heart the well-being of the whole child' find it necessary to face squarely a question which a

few decades ago was not even asked. "Variously phrased, the question

Can

these

numerous

forces

is

this:

be so brought

into play, so harmonized, that the child

they seek to serve is really served? Is it possible to have such an organization of effort that the great social institutionshome, school, church, welfare agencies work in effective co-operation with a miniof overlapping and a maximum of benefit to the people of the community?

mum

We are

all familiar with 'planned developments' in the laying out of towns and suburban areas. Now, to what extent can we as a nation hope to have the develop-

ment

of neighborhood

children

In a recent leaflet proposing a threeyear program emphasizing the child in his community, the president of the Na-

told time

to

2 5i

may not be

life so

planned that

the pawns of. com-

peting interests but live serenely in a world that sorely needs their energy, their laughter, and their dreams?"

The need

working

to-

gether, discussed in this statement

by

for

effective

the head of one of our most important national organizations, is indeed a real one. Professional workers in areas deal-

ing with the educational, recreational,

and welfare aspects of seem to be in competition with one another. The reputation of the organization and its success in attracting numbers of members often appear to be put ahead of the child's own needs. The question "Can these numerous agencies be brought into play and so harmonized as to really spiritual, health,

children's

lives

often

serve the child they seek to serve?"

is

one of the most important ones facing families and community agencies today.

Childcraft

252

The

family,

itself,

should take some

responsibility in the matter. Decisions

can be made in by those families where there is co-operation and understanding between children and parents. as to choice of activities

family

It is

conferences

primarily in the family, of course,

that the over-all picture of

pening to the child

is

most

what

But the nature of community necessitates

is

hap-

clearly seen.

co-operative action

living if

the

problem of overtaxing children is to be There are several pos-

effectively met.

sible approaches.

One tions

is

of the

most natural combina-

that of the two agencies having

most contact with the child— the school and the home. Unfortunately, there are few instances of any thoroughgoing effort of parents and teachers to study the "whole child" together. Indeed, the ideas of parents and teachers are some-

up of one community calendar. Thus, by agreement, all organizations developing any kind of program in the community could avoid unnecessary overlapping in the scheduling of activities. Whether or not such a calendar is used, there is obvious advantage to the agencies as well as to

in

community members

such a procedure,

as it

enables anyone

and numhe so chooses. A more thorough attack on the problem can be expected from family-life councils which are coming into being as a result of the growing interest in child development and family life. As yet these councils have largely concerned themselves with a program centering on to take part in a greater variety

ber of activities

if

matters within the familv, but there is every reason to expect that they will increasingly turn attention to matters of community organization which vitallv

times in conflict as to the proper use of the child's free time. Nevertheless, the fact remains that school and home are

affect family life.

and continued efforts should be made by both parents and teachers to work together on such problems so as to achieve good community

used, the family should be in the center

natural

living. It

allies,

is

a joint responsibility.

Parent representation on governing boards, boards of trustees, or other similar policy-making bodies of such youthserving organizations as the Y.M.C.A. and Y.W.C.A., the recreation council of a community, or a settlement house has brought good results. Such governing boards should be particularly fruitful in dealing with the problem of over-

scheduling.

A

simple and effective approach has

been developed by a number of community councils in small midwestern towns and elsewhere through the setting

Whatever approaches to more community co-ordination

quate

adeare

of the picture. If once it were recognized in action that wholesome familv life is the primary concern of the community, then church, school, recreation, and other youth-serving agencies would have a clearer idea of the contributions which their programs should be making; they would see these contributions in relation to others

more

clearly.

Beginning

steps are being taken here and there.

However, we can expect the kind of community co-operation essential to the "good life" onlv when individual parents

and groups of parents that family

life

see the vital part

has in the development

of the individual,

and bring

their influ-

ence to bear on the agencies working in the

modern communitv.

Family Life and Community Living

253

SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT 1.

What

attitudes have

you heard your children express about the people in the socommunity? How do you think these attitudes may

called "foreign" sections of your

have developed? 2. Through what channels do you come into contact with the greatest number of your fellow citizens? Do you know many people in your community well? Can you suggest ways to develop more effective means for contact and co-operation? 3.

Do

you

find

it

difficult or

for the welfare of the

unpleasant to work with other people on jobs that are

community?

If so,

why?

4. Do you ever discuss community problems and means of coping with them either with your children or in their presence? Do you feel that they are uninterested and incapable of coping with "adult" problems? Do you think they should be protected

from a knowledge of

social distress?

5. Have you ever felt reluctant to turn to another person or to an agency for help with a personal or family problem which had you "stumped"? If so, what do you think are some of the causes for your attitude?

6. How much do you really know about the leadership and activities of the Scouts, the Y.M.C.A. or Y.W.C.A., or other group work agencies in whose programs your children participate? 7. Could you give adequate information to a friend or acquaintance about medical senices in your community', recreation facilities for children or adults, educational programs, or various other types of social service? If not, what would be the most effective ways through which you could get such information?

BOOKS TO READ Clapp, Elsie Riplev.

Community

Schools in Action.

New

York:

The Viking

Press,

!937-

Davis, Mary Dabney. "What Is the Federal Government Doing Childhood Education, November, 1941. Everett,

Samuel and Others. The Community School.

New

for

Children?"

York: D. Appleton-Cen-

tury Co., 1938.

National Congress of Parents and Teachers. Parent- Teacher Manual.

The

Congress,

1944.

Symposium. "Programs of Action Through Community Councils." Childhood EduNovember, 1941. «^

cation,