The Gran Tour 9781785786495

'Both moving and hilarious' Spectator, Books of the Year 'A tale of gloriously eccentric British pensi

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English Year 2020

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The Gran Tour

Table of contents :
Title Page
About the author
Part 1: Scarborough, Yorkshire, England
1: We’re hard to spot, aren’t we?
2: There’s an art to eating happily alone
3: Why aren’t you in bed?
4: I’m the right side of 80, she says – 81
Part 2: St Ives, Cornwall, England
5: Any student discount?
6: Well, pardon me, Mrs Robinson
7: Older people should be exploited
8: Although owls appear zen and wise, they’re actually thick as sh*t
Part 3: Llandudno, Wales
9: Just eat your bread roll and don’t touch me
10: Ask your mother while you can
11: Alexa, find Facebook, says Nan
12: It sounds to me like you could do with some grief
Part 4: Killarney, Ireland
13: I’m not used to the likes of you. On ye get
14: It’s Judy bloody Garland
15: You can’t take a picture of them. They’re not us
16: These days, even babies don’t know they’re born
Part 5: Lake Como, Italy
17: Life’s not about living to 96. It’s about living to 84
18: They’re talking of switching rooms because their neighbours were at it half the night
19: Now there’s no whistling because he never comes home
20: They took him to hospital in a gondola
21: If you want to know the secret to a long, happy marriage, it’s 1) stay alive and 2) have separate bedtimes
22: And then some paramedics arrive
Part 6: Pitlochry, Scotland
23: She says that thanking God gets easier and harder every day
24: She grew beetroot and potatoes all day and in return she wasn’t shot
25: I can’t just sit here and wait for the rain to stop
26: There was that lark in the end
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