The Feldenkrais Journal #17 General Issue

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The Feldenkrais

Journalis published annuall1'

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The FrLorxxRets Gutro@

of North America for its members. Inquiries regarding this publication should be directed to: The Frrorxrners Gurro,36rr SW Hood Avenue, Suite roo, Portland, OR gzzgg.

If you have an article, poem, drawing, or letter to the editor to submit to the Journal, please send them directiy to the editor. Send one copy to Elizabeth Beringer, Editor, Feldenkrais Journal, 83o Bancroft Avenue, Berkeley, CA 9+7ro, and a second copy to ElaineYoder, att. Journal, 472 Clifton St., Oakland CA 94618. The editorial committee is happy to comment on first drafts or works in progress. The deadline for submission is August 7,2oo4. The next issue is Parenting. For more information about format, iength, computer compatibility, etc., please contact Elaine Yoder at [email protected].

Additional copies of the /ournal are available through the Guild office for $6 to Guiid members and $ro to non-members (includes postage and handling). Bulk rate fees are available on request. Subscriptions to The Feldenkrais Journal are now available. These are designed for people who are not currentiy receiving the Journal through their Guild. A three-issue subscription is $25 for North American residents and $35 for overseas subscribers. A flve-issue subscription is $4o and $5o, respectively. Please send your payment in U.S. dollars directly to the Guild office. The following marks are associated with the FpropNrRars Mrrnoo of Solnatic education: FELDENKRAIS@, FELDENKRAIS METHOD@, FUNCTIONAL TNTEGRATToN@ and awanrusss rHRoucH MovEMENT@ are registered servicemarks; curro cERTTFTED FELDENKRATs pRACTToNER'" is a certiflcation mark; and rsrorNrnars'"' and THE FELDENKRATs JouRNAL-^' are trademarks of the FEroEuxRars Gurro@ of North America.

or North America. rights revert to the authors and artists upon publication.

@Copyright 2oo4 the FEroruxnars Gurro A11

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The Feldenkrais Iournal number r7

Thble of Contents

2

Letter from the Editor

3

Celebrating the Centennial

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FELDENKRAIS: An Illustrated Biography and Resource Mark Reese

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Mathematics and the Feldenkrais Method: Discovering the Relationship Adam Cole

27

AConversationwithMiaSegal PatiHolman

35

Teaching Awareness to Music Students, through

40

GoldenNeedle,GoldenRoof MaryAzrael

4l

Integrating the Feldenkrais Method within Dance Technique Class Sylvie Fortin & Warwick Long

54

Practice MaryAzrael

55

Making an Impact Lessons from Voice and Dance Louise Runyon

6f

Dreaming of Proust: Reveries on Self, Habit, & Transformation Kyle Lee Williams

7l

Contributors

Movement

Stephen Duke

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THE FELDENKRAIS JOURNAL NO. 17

Letter from the Editor

Dear Colleagues, In honor of Moshe's centennial birthda_v n e are very pleased to publish an excerpt from Nlark Reese's tiroror-rghly researched biography of Moshe. I think vou r,r,ill flnd that tire story, as N{ark tells it, brings Moshe alive in a rvay that adds ner,,,, dimensions to the founder of our work. We're vety grateiul to N{ark for his efforts. We are also very, happ}, to have in the same issue a rare intenderv r,vith Ntia Segal, \{oshe's first student. She also filis in the histoq, of the Method for us as she telis her o-'vn personal and engaging story. This isstie of T'he Felclenlcrais Jottrnal reflects nrell the varied backgrounds and interests of our community. We did not have a specific theme and instead produced an open, or general issue, rvith the topics ranging from Proust to the learning of \,{ath and back to Dance and N'Iusic. You can see that the Performing Arts theme of the last trvo issues continlles to resonate here. Stephen Duke has submitted an important article about his many years of teaching the Method in the University of Illinois' Music department. In it Stephen expresses rvell the complex give and take betrveen the experiential iearning of the Feldenkrais Method and the constraints and expectations of an academic enrrironment. Sylvie Fortin and Warwick Long har,e continued the diaiogue about dance r,vith their stimulating article about collaboratir,e dance teaching and melding errr processes with the Iearning of technique. Louise Runyon has taken a different track exploring hor,r, dance and r,.oice rvork can enrich and inform one's lvork r,r,ith Func-

tional Integration. In addition to the Performing Arts articles nre have a loveiy piece by Kyle Williarns taking off fiom a dream about Proust, and Adam Cole's inrrestigation of his "blocks" in the learning of mathematics and hoi,v he r,vas able to use aspects of the Method to bring awareness to and ultimately shift habits in his attention. Both of these articles are grounded in the personal experience of practitioners that forms a base for exploration of larger issues of interest to our communit-v as a whole. I think this is a valuable direction for us to go. Many practitioners have had profound and unusual experiences r,r,ith the Method that are r,vell rvorth expressing and sharing n ith a wider as evidenced b-v these tr,r,o pieces. The theme of the next issue of the /o urnal wlll be Parenting and the deadline is August 1, 2oo4. After tl-rat the therne r,r,iil be Awareness, with

community,

a deadline ofJune 1, 20o5.

Man-v thanks to the members of the Editorial Board, the copl- editing crew, and to Elaine Yoder r,vho more and more holds it all together.

Sincerely,

ry,? Elizabeth Beringer

Editor

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1:ELT]E.\KRAIS JOURNAL NO. 17

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Celebrating the Centennial Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais 1904-1984

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MarkReese

FELDENKRAIS:

An lllustrated Biography and Resource

CHAPTER ONE: EASTERN EUROPEAN ROOTS "This cosmic Reality is so immense and overu,helming that it is only r,vhen l,r,e are at our best that \'ve can catch glimpses of it. " 1

-\IOS}IE I

would like to express my deep-

est gratitude to the hundreds

of

people all over the world who, in different ways over the past six years, have generously

supported my work to create biography of l\4oshe's life and work. I wish especially to thank lVlichel SiliceFeldenkrais for making available materials from The Feldenkrais lnstitute, and John Quigley a comprehensive

and the Civitas Foundation for financial support. This excerpt is an abridgement of the first part of chapter one. The completed

biography is scheduled for publication in lvlay 2005.

One winter night, in the aftermath of World War r, Moshe Feldenkrais, muscular-framed and r4, Ieft his home in Poland to make his way to Paiestine. As he r,r,alked bv himself to meet his smuggler-guide, n,ho lay hidden in a swamp past the edge of ton n, a fer,r, coins clinked in his pockets and a pistol, tucked in his boot, rubbed softlv against his leg. A hear,l.knapsack hung on his back. It bulged rvith books on math and science mingled rvith a ferv personal items. He was at the beginning of rvhat n ould be a six-month, riteof-passage odyssey. Steeped in Judaism's brer,r, of mysticism and reason, and rocked by a violent, chaotic world of endemic war, persecution, and revolution, potent aspirations coursed through his adolescent veins. His heart beat with enthusiasm for the Zionist experiment, and he rvas driven by impatience to shake his family's hold. Moshe Feldenkrais grew up in "the battleground of Europe." He learned early that change is life's rule, not its exception. Predicting the next pogrom and divining the geo-political trends that brought new rulers and governance were matters of daily concern. Young Moshe rvitnessed Iirsthand the beginning of the end of a cultural world. He chose to escape from the social order crumbling around him. The rvorld he left behind rvas rich with history. It possessed unique storehouses of knoivledge, since then mostly consigned to oblivion: violently destroyed and tragically lost. Even so, legacies remain from Eastern Europe. Some of those precious resources Moshe drew into his or,vn astonishing creation, the Felder*r'ais Nlethod, bringing por^/er to teach, enliven, and heal. The beginnings of the storv of Feldenkrais' life and rvork, lay hundreds of years before his birth in the circumstances that brought Jelr,s into Eastern Europe. As rve see Moshe grow up, we tlT to fathom the religious currents that permeated every part of his world. Nthough Feldenkrais r.r,as not a religious man, he often expressed a debt to religious and spiritual',r,isdom. He chose to shor,v himself standing in an esoteric lineage, descending from his ancestral namesake, the Hasidic patriarch, Pinhas of Korets. It is his choice and not ours, to begin the life chronicle of a man of science from his reli-

gious roots.

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Many factors in Feldenkrais' life and work were deeply rooted in the culture and spirituality of his origins. Of these, perhaps the most crucial-as my friend and colleague, David Zemach-Bersin suggests-was the belief that miracles can still happen. Untrammeled expectations can be the healer's or the teacher's greatest gift. As the Nobel Laureate, Elie Wiesel, emphasizes, "In Hasidism, everything is possible, everything becomes possible by the mere presence of someone who knows how to listen, to love and give of himself."2 Moshe-Pinhas Feldenkrais'birthplace, in the heartland of Hasidism, was never a hub of world events. It lay in Europe's backwaters. The then Russian torrrm of Slavuta resembled thousands of other Eastern European to\ Trs where Jews made their homes. It was within a larger zone, called the Pale, outside of which Russia forbade alllewishresidence. Moshe Feldenkrais was born ina shtetl, an exclusivelylewish zone that functioned like quasiautonomous towns within Russian-Christian municipalities. Feldenkrais' Iewish heritage provided him both inspiration and obstacles and, indeed, the obstacles often proved his richest sources of inspiration. ByWestern European standards, Eastern Europe was then socially and economically backward and provincial. The rail network was only recently well established; industry and commerce remained rudimentary. Many lived simply offthe land and, for all butlews, literacywas the exception, not the rule. Over the preceding 4oo years manylews settled in Eastern Europe. The greatest number came from the Germanic west. It is probable that Moshe's ancestors on his father's side migrated from Germany to settle near Sandomir, southeast of Krakow, around r4oo. Theywould have brought with them a culture and tradition, as well as a primary languageYiddish-that set them apart from their Slavic neighbors. Slamta, Moshe's birthplace, is midwaybetween the Carpathian mountains and the Black Sea. Since r99r it has been within the Ukrainian Republic. Slavuta is very green, and topographically mostly flat. The GorJm River, long, narrow, and deep, flows through Slavuta on its wayfrom Poland toward Ostrog, Rovna, and flnally the Black Sea. A small lake stretches from the train station to the middle of the tor,rm. At the outskirts of tor,rm, beyond one of the many wooden bridges that span the river, lies a large pine forest. It is the namesake of the tornm, "forest of the Slavs," Slamta. Rich and abundant agricultural land is one hallmark of the region. Like so manyvillages and tor,tms of Eastern Europe, Slavuta appears a scene of pastoral simplicity. Historians know differently: for a thousand years Eastern Europe has been a vortex of more or less continuous cultural and political changes. Moshe used Pinhas as his middle name, but itwas actuallypart of his flrst name: "My name is Moshe-Pinhas. I have a double, hyphenated, name. I [didn't] use it [because] I didn't know its importance." The name Pinhas was given in honor of his illustrious maternal ancestor, Rabbi Pinhas of Korets (t7z1-r7go). Rabbi Pinhas belonged to the inner circle of the Ba'al Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidism. He was a healer, and Hasidim is a tradition ofhealers. The Ba'al Shem Tov taught that ordinary life was like a garden that held the means to regenerate body and spirit. Peasant love songs, fables, and fairy tales could illuminate sacred texts. Activities of singing, dancing, storytelling, even drinkingr w€re ways to cultivate "sparks of holiness"; awareness of a loving, ever-present Creator. Finding God's presence in all things leads to profound, even overwhelming, joy. Suffering impedes a proper relationship with God, and the alleviation of suffering necessarilybelongs

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to spiritual life. The Ba'al Shem Tov honored Jenrish customs and traditions, but his way of encountering God's presence in all creation radically transformed Jera,rish practice. The Ba'al Shem Tov loved and respected Rabbi Pinhas and entrusted him to adopt his gifted grandson, Rabbi Baruch of Medzeboz. Pinhas had been an ascetic and a great scholar, especially ofthe Kabbalah, but also of philosophy and mathematics. Meeting the Ba'al Shem Tov moved him to renounce asceticism and the primacy of the intellect, and to become a healer. He then taught the presence of God in the natural world, the redemption even of the wicked through love, and above all the power of simple goodness and humility. Rabbi Pinhas became renorvned for his conduct and for his own wisdom stories. Moshe called him "the St. Paul of Hasidism" for his essential role in n riting dor,r,'n the Ba'al Shem's oral teaching.3 I recall Moshe, in several intimate teaching situations, smiling mischievously and invoking his ancestor as a secret resource, claiming that Pinhas had n'hispered something in his ear. Moshe's affinity for Pinhas becomes more comprehensible the more we Iearn about him. Both rvere teachers and healers, scholars of math and science, storJtellers and fierce indir..idualists: "Rabbi Pinhas of Korets was intent on flnding his or,r,r-r path rather than follor,ving a Nlaster-any Master."a Both fastened on to the importance of self-discovery, and avoided conventional teacher/authoriq'roles. The1, shared the conl'iction that students must learn from their experiences-because we learn the most signilicant lessons from attention to our or,r,n 1ives. And, like his forbearer, Moshe taught that it is foliy to separate bodv and mind. Pinhas ol Korets had slx children by tr,r,'o lvives. In the late 17oo's, one of Pinhas' four sons, Moshe Shapiro, established a famous Jewish publishing house in Slalr-rta. Rabbi Moshe was a talented artist and scribe who devised new printing techniques. His Talmudic publications were treasured for their beauty. The Shapiro press was one of the few Jewish printing presses in the Russian Empire. Since Pinhas' sons bore the Shapiro surname, it seems evident that Rivka Korets-as she was known-Moshe's maternal grandmother, r,rras descended from Pinhas' only daughter. Korets was probably a middle name. Rivka married Ntlichael Pshater and adopted his surname. N{ichael Pshater stood at the apogee of an established life. He had become a timber merchant r,r,ho traded in entire forests, a banker, and a respected religious scholar. Shtetl communities were stratified along the lines of education, occupation, and weaith. The leading citizen of each tor,r,n typically owned its Iargest house-usually situated directly on the square r,r,here the market was held. There, in Slar,,r.rta, the Pshater home sat. And the Pshaters, as the leading citizens, carried the prestige and responsibility that beionged to their special position. Moshe's mother, Sheindel, was born to Rivka and Michael in rBBo. The Iarge Pshater family included nine children. Sheindel was their second born and the oldest girl.5 Their house was so large that Sheindel and her brothers and sisters each had a bedroom of their or,vn-and each bedroom \\'as warmed by its oum stove. It was Sheindel who carried the biood-link to Moshe's famous Hasidic ancestor, Rabbi Pinhas. Sheindel is Yiddish for "pretty one." Aryeh Feldenkrais, Moshe's father, came from the nearby town of Kremenets, south and west of Slar,,uta and closer to the border rt,ith Poland. Moshe's birth, in Michael Pshater's flne home, fell on the leu,ish holidav of ShautLot, May 6th, rgo+.

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Hasidism uras a part-and perhaps the earliest part-of Moshe's intellectual and spiritual inheritance from the r,vorld of Eastern European Judaism. But his grandparents' approach to education shor,vs how far Michael and Rir,ka had moved from tl-reir Hasidic forbearers. Rather than insist on an exclusir.ely Jer,r,ish education, the Pshaters hired tutors to give their children the best and broadest education available. Siar,'r-rta, being in the Russiau empire, rvas Russian-speaking and Sheindel u,as taught Russian. Sheindel became totallv immersed in Russian literature-but i,vhat about the daughters of the poor families in the torvn? Sheindel "found rzolunteers among the other girls r,r,ho knerv Russian and organized evening ciasses for all of those girls r,r,ho had no schooiing at all. The classes in tlrrn made her familiar r,vith other problems of these families. It r,r,as in this way that she discovered her life's r'r,ork, the care of the sick and the lonely. "o Like Moshe, Sheindel was a natlrrai ieader and teacher, and she cared lor the helpless even lr,,hen later she rvas herseif impoverished. Sheindel took particular care to foster in her children the love of learning and an abiding sense of moral responsibility. Moshe's famil-v moved, probabl.v when he tvas around four years old, from Slar,-uta to the town of Kremenets, nhereAr-veh Feidenkrais'mother and her brother made their home. Kremenets r,r,as close to the border with Poland, about sevent-v miles south and r,rrest of Slavuta. In rgog, Sheindel-noi,v living in Kremerets-became pregnant with her third son, Berel. FIe was later renamed Baruch. The name "Bartrch" means "blessed" in Hebren. Like Moshe, Baruch Feldenkrais possessed an incisive mind, a proclivity to humor, and an amazing memorv. But Moshe's more outurard looking, theatrical, and ambitious character, contrasted $.ith his brother's quiet and gentle manner, and the intense devotion and singular focus he brought to his family. Of their children, Bamch alrva-vs remained the closest to Aryeh and Sheindel.

Another sibling, a different home, and elders now from his father's side of the famiiv, onl-v begin to te11 hon, Moshe's life u,ould be different in Kremenets. Jervs had settled in Kremenets in the r3oos, three hundred Jrears earlier than Sla\,'uta. It r,r,.as the site of a.veshiva and a large, prosperous, Jer,r,ish communitv. Btrt rvhile the tor,r,,n's roots urere rrenerable, Jewish culture in Kremenets rvas shaped by more contemporary crosscurrents than in Slar''uta. We have Moshe's olr'n childhood r,,oice to tell us of his years in Kremenets: descriptive and poetic writing from when he r,vas eleven years old, perhaps two vears after his family mor,,ed on from Kremenets to the tortrn of Baranovich. The source is an assignment book completed over the course of the rgr5 school year in the class of his Hebrer,v teacher, Mr. Gutman. The essays

exhibit voung NIoshe's precocious inrelligence, his sharp powers of observation, and a delicate aesthetic. Passages r,r,here Nloshe is immersed in nature, and outside the r,.,,orld of adults, seem particularly vivid, as in this essay, "The Grass": Srnall green heads rise from the ground. 'l'hev gror'r, from dav to day until they become as tail as a boy. This is the grass. Tire rvind blolvs througir the grass and it begins to s\\,ay. lt is so pleasant to play hide-and-seek then. All the children l.ride betrveen the tall grass and look at the pure s\,. The-v iisten to the secrets that the blades of grass tell each other. This is horv rve rvili clream as u,e lav donn and forget the game. All as one \\re sink in deep thoughts. f omorro\v too stands still like a stone and so on until nightfall. And rve all return home.7

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In the essays young Moshe muses about nature, to\&'n life, famil-v, people, religion and politics, and shares memories of his former and favorite home, Kremenets. Moshe u,rote: lKremenets] is tamous for its synagogue. It is big, rvide and very tal1....The synagogue has been standing for more than roo -vears. The-v also sa-Y that czar Nikolai the First set the cornerstone for the slrnagogue' The torvn is surrounded by very tall mountains. The top of the mountains is ruled bv the cold. From there 1,ou can see the entire town and IBo kilometers] be1'ond. The "mountains" around Kremenets to\,\'er impressivelY over the towtl, but they are not as high as they probably seemed to young Moshe. His familiar surround had been the lolt, land of Slar'r-rta. The Kremenets region is set in the beautiful valle-v of the Ikva river. It is a city of churches, with their steeples and domes visibte at every turn. The surrounding forested rnountains veil a fortress dating from the twelfth century. The active where today there -young Moshe happily r,vandered those flowering hills, presen''es, filled with flora are, besides Kremenets Park, sk regional nature "The Sky": and fauna. As he r,vrites in an essav called When I r,r,as a chi1d, the skt'seemed like a hat on the rvorld. \\rhen rve lived in Kremenets, rve u,onld climb tl-re sulrounding mountains. It seemed to me that t1.re skies came dou-n on the earth. I u'ould start running to hold in mv hand the u,onderful blue stuff that made up the skv. I ivould run until I got tired and then I n ouid sit dou'n for rest. But nolr, I knou' that the skies are not made of stuff that rve can feel in our hands. Still I lor,e the s\'r,ery much. . . . I also like the clouds ven'tnuch. I sit silently and r,r'atch the clouds.s As dusk fell, Moshe made his way down the slopes to a home fiiled goo d -humo red laughter, r,r,armth, and security.

with

Life in a shtetl did not preclude travel for its more affluent and cultured residents. Indeed, as with Moshe's father, travel was often essentiai to their Iivelihoods. And besides visiting relatives, Moshe's familv frequently visited Odessa, the major Ukrainian port on the Black Sea. Odessa rvas an exotic city, a historical crossroads of culture betrtreen East and West, an d North and South. It was the Russian nexus of secular Jewish culture, home to Jewish writers and musicians, as r,r,'ell as an earlv center of Zionism' Finally, and even toda-v, Odessa is a resort destination. More than once Sheindel traveled to Odessa's seacoast heaith spas. There she took the "grape cure," a diet consisting exclusively of grapes, reputed to cure numerous maladies. Moshe r,r,,nly cited his mother's grape cure as one dubious example among m-vriad such tads, all of r,r,hich he regarded skepticall-v. During these -vears frequent r..isits to the Pshater household maintained Moshe's sense of belonging to quite a sizable clan. Among the journe,-vs to Slar,.uta-four hours each n al' in a horse dra',vn cart-an anniversary celebration of his grandparents shone bright as a star in Moshe's memor\'. Its impression on him is hard to overestimate, particularlv because the ensuing darkening times offered nothing to compare -'vith its brilliance. One hundred and three guests \\'ere present, most of them relatives, and man-v of them dignitaries. NIoshe remembered sitting on his grandfather's lap, who "sat like a king at the table."s Moshe was in awe of his tall and powerful grandfather, dressed in fine cloth and presiding with regal bearing over the momentous event. Had it been in a nineteenth century novel, that scene of celebration and domestic grandeur would have served to sho"t'the high water mark, and the beginning of the end, of a small dynasty.

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Moshe admiringly studied his grandparents' fine, monogrammed plates. He rt atched the lights that danced hypnoticalll. in the reflections from his diminutive grandmother's grand jeu,'els. He r,vandered through the comfort-

ingly familiar-and 1,et hauntingly immense-palace, eating slt eets and visiting the separate kitchen that,,rras used onl1, once a vear during the eight davs of Pesaclz (Passor,er). He r,.isited the stream that ran beside the house r,rrhere he had plaved n hen still a toddler. His doting aunts chased him, teased, tickled, and shor,r,ered him r,r,ith affection. He ran gleefullv to his grandfather's speciallv constructed su kka, its roof covered u,ith branches, Iike a modern patio room, but imbued r,r,ith spiritual sl.mbolism. The anniversary memories of securiry and solidarity are based on Moshe's audio taped trance work rvith the psychologist Eva Kirschner, mentioned earlier. ),lemories carrying diametrically opposite f'eelings, also from times at his grandfather's house, are on the same tape: Strange memories. . . I have. In the to\,vn was shooting and the house of grandfather r,vas opposite the big lmarketl plaza. And I remember, er,ery |er,rr that rvent there, thev shot him. And they rvent into lourl house and destroyed. And r,ve went to this uncle because he had a basement. It r,vas three stories dor,vn. . . There was an unseen door that -vou could go dou,n. And fdor'r,n thisl basement there r,vas another door. It r,rras three floors in the ground, and there n as a hole, and I remember r,r,-hen we came there. . I ran into the house, we ran through the house, and they destroyed, kil1ed. And lrvel went into the basement, and rve sat there da-v and night in the basement. It \,\,as eternity.lo

.

The uncle was Lea Schlossberg's father, Simha. Later, during Soviet times, Lea recalled that hiding place serued for marinating pickles, or to scare her as a child with threats of irnprisonment, should she misbehave. Tirere may r,vell have been pogroms in Slavuta in rgos or rgo6-there had been almost 7oo in Russia in r9o5.11 Moshe rt ould have been just two years old then and we know very little about this. But such memories bring irome an essential part of Jer,vish experience in Eastern Europe. Erren the lives of the most prosperous, well-established farnilies rested on foundations that, from month to month, r,r,.ere desperatel_v insecure. Concerning Kremenets, Moshe's school assignment book relates that it "is known as the tor,r.n rthere the famous writer Rabbi Yitzhak Bar Levinson was born and lived all his life. The seed of knor,r,ledge that he planted in our town was not in vain because it bore great fruits."l2 Levinson (rz8B-rB6o) r,vas the foremost proponent of the Haskalah in Russia. An "Enlightenment" movement, Haskalah Judaism emphasized rationality and bridging the cultural differences betr,r,een Ier,vs and Christians. Bar Levinson was instrumental in bringing Haskalah to Eastern Europe, .,vhere it became a pon erful cultural force during the nineteenth century. Haskaiah promoted Hebren and Russian literacy in education, and the pr-rrsuit of secular sciences, handicraft, and agriculture. Levinson used scholarship to prove that the Jews were flrst an agricultural people: it r,r,as only because of the historical restrictions placed on Jews that trade assumed such a central role in Jeudsh life. Concerning Levinson, Moshe's schoolbook writing continued: Ther, say, in his Iifetime he had manv oppollents but rvith his death they reconciled u,ith his ideas. The proof tbr it is that t\vo vears ago, at the 5oth anniversan, of the death of this great man, the learned men of Kremenets held a mernorial ceremonv at the big svnagogue and among the people that attended \vere manv of the Hasidic people.13

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Moshe's words sho."v an openness to both Hasidic and Haskalah ideas; more evidence that his family was not doctrinaire. But after the assassination of Czar Alexander tr in rBBr, it became evident that Jews would never be accepted into the established system. Alexander rr had been a irumane, beloved, reform-minded ruler, urho freed the serfs and enfranchised the Jelrrs. \\rith his death, life for Russian Iervry took a long step backr,vard. Old restrictions \\'ere re-imposed and ner,,,r ones added. The Czarist regime adopted a policv of inciting violence against Jer'rrs to deflect the emerging revolutionary movenlent. In response, the polarities of Ier,r,ish culture gre$r extreme: Hasidism turned to."t ard the past, fbrsaking the spontaneity that had been its wellspring. And the Jews r,vho had been drarvn to Haskalah embraced the ner,r' utopian rationalisms of N{arxism and Zionism. Both cailed on Iews to bring into being a new lvorld r,vhele they r,r,ould no longer be unr,velcome. NIoshe's parents \,vere among the man-v r,rrho embraced the Zionist vision. N{oshe's thinking and character rvas sl-raped b}, the threats and restrictions of brutal anti-Semitism. Current or recent examples of anti-Semitism echoed the tales of persecution that fllled Jelrrish historl and liturgv. At a very voung age, IIoshe developed a defiant attitllde tor,vard any persecution, and grer,r, determined to acquire the means to defend himself.la In the books NIoshe r,r,ould come to -"trite \,r,e occasionally flnd anecdotes that give insights about his formative experiences. 7n The Potent Self Nloshe remembers: being taken to a smail r.illage in early childhood r'r,here I sar'r'a pig being killed for Christrnas. 'I'he go4' sight and the sct eams of the animal made an indelible impressior.r on me. I imagined m)1self t'ed up and helpless in the hands ol'adults, rvho cou1d, atter all, do the same thing to n.re if the-y decided to do so. I can nor,rr see quite clearll, ho\\r m)'previous experience led to a great sensitivity on this plane and i-rorv subseqttent e\rents con{irnled me in mv apprehension" I had to become strotlg and alr'r'avs be readv. And oni-v later, on reachir.rg a Black Belt standard in judo, clici I to a certaiu measure rvork out the kink in me due to that unfortunate experience.rs ...

Moshe's r,r,,ide-ranging athleticism del'eloped his remarkable strength and capabilities, and lurthered his goals of seif-defense. For Mosire, physical prowess, intelligence, and mobility in both. thought and action, r,vere matters of li1'e and death. B--v r9rz, tire Feidenkrais fatnily moved north to the larger town of Baranor,,ich, almost 3oo miles fi'onr Kremenels. Baranovich is located in presentday Belarus around ioo miles southrvest of N{insk. Like Slar,'r-rta and I(remenets, Baranovich Ia1'r,t ithin the Russian Pale ol Settlerlent, and Jert's there lvere subjecl to the same Czar-imposed restrictiot-rs. HistoricaliY, the Jews in the region \rvere even poorer than the VolhYnian Jer,vs of Slar,uta and Kremeners. And the -young tor,tn of Baranovich lacked amenities. Most houses made no pror.ision for irot u,ater, and people took cold shor,vers outside. N,ioshe remembered taking cold shou,ers as a boy.16 Bar-anorrich rvas founded as a railrvay station, in r87r, by the MoscorvBrest Public Railrva\,s. There, the East-West rail iine connecting Poland with Russia crossed the North-South one that contrected the Baltic states rvith the Ukraine" It gained a reputation as a boomtown. After rgo3, when it'nvas authorized for Jelr,ish residence, it became a magnet for many entelprising young Jertrs. On one side of the main street of Baranovich rvere the stores and shops, but on the other side rvere only farms. By Czarist larv, Jews were not allor,r,ed to live on farmland, and could not build on that side of the

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street. Barano\{ch became a focal point for the business of pror,.isioning soldiers. The town grew exponentially and storehouses, warehouses, and r,r'orkshops sprang up. The city's buiidings were constructed from logs harwested from the hearry forests surrounding the town. Aryeh Feldenkrais' timber business found a naturai home in Baranovich, where both forests and rail transportation existed together. The move there was likely meant to coordinate ArVeh's capabilities r,r,ith N{ichael Pshater's business. ArVeh had probably intricatelv assessed the social and economic value of moving his family to Baranovich. But the exigencies of history, especially for Jelvs, gave even "intelligent" choices unpredictable outcomes. Aryeh's ostensibly promising move could not have led his family to a more precarious location. Baranovich appears to have been a harsh place, much Iess inviting than Kremenets. Moshe was unhappy about his family's move, at least initially. He regretted having to move so far from his grandparents and aunts, and losing his beloved hills around Kremenets. In rgr5, Moshe knew Hebrew lvell enough to lament in his schoolbook, "I loved picking roses. In our city Kremenets rve had tlt o big parks in which there were mostly roses... Now that lve live in Baranovich there are no roses that I loved so much, and I miss them beyond 1,y616ls."tz Love of nature appears again and again in young Moshe's writing, and perhaps even shaped his aspirations, as in the fantasv essay titled "Botanical Garden": I am a botanical gardener. N1 da-v I r,r,ork in the garden that is so dear to me. In the early morning I arvake and get to my I,r,,ork. I flrst plant the tresh, lvet plants. Then I fix the rorvs destroyed b-v thier.es. I sr,veep the garden, and water the ner,v flor,vers and plants. Thev nod their heads as if to thank me. With jov I enter my home to eat my meal.lB

Moshe adored his little sister. Moshe's parents'last chiid, Malka, meaning "Queen," was born in Baranovich in r9r+. The onl-v giri, she lvas "spoiled" accordingly.ls In Moshe's schoolbook is a section called "My Family, " but it is nritten almost entirely about Malka: Members of mv iarnilv are fen. Benveen thern I like mv little sister most. A half year old girl rvho is alu,ays quiet. Only if -you take her doll or ball does she begin to cry. \\rhen she rnn as sick, she lr,as prohibited from going outside. \\lhen she rvas alloived to go out, hor,v happy she r,r,asl Like a poor person looking for sustenance r,vho suddenly finds great happiness and needs no gift from human beings. \,\rhen she came in fron.r outside she immediatelv ran to me and leaned against my knees. A s11ght shiver runs through m-v bod-v tiom her gentle touch. When I come home ti'om the Heder or the synagogue on Shabbat or Yom l'or,, she runs tou,ard rne rvith open arms like Abraham torvard t}'re three guests.20 tr,vo and a

Though he would never have children of his own, a striking empathv r,vith children stayed with Moshe for all of his life. And we can see here that, even as a child, he was unusuallv sensitive to the power and feelings of gentle touch. As an adult Moshe avowed that touch is "the most healing force in the world."21

Moshe's assignment schoolbook, rtrritten at age eleven, also reveals his sense of humor and his early interest in psychology. Writing about life in Baranor,ich, he is an astute observer: In oL11' town there are many crazy people. Most of then-r rvent crazy due to too much studv. One crazv person, Lebish, is his name, tends to r,valk in the

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streets and -yell "bread, money". And there is another one rthose name is Mendel. He runs constantllr, because rough boys scare and chase him. He r,valks in his crumbled hat, torn pants, big torn boots, r,vith a stick in his hand like our fathers during the exodus from Egypt. And there is another one that s\,vears at the lvhole r,r,or1d. He s\\rears rvith every part of his body.22 As a heder (religious school) boy, Moshe was intenseiy studious. Here he describes a da-y at school:

In the morning I n ake up, r,r,ash, get dressed, go over my homervork to remember it rveli. Then i drink a cup of tea and go to tbe heder. The teacher has not lret arrived, and I revier,r, the homer,r,ork for the third time. \\lhen rve see the teacher coming, al1 the boys immediately sit dorvn around the table. During the lesson there is silence. But there is one boy that tells a joke or makes a face and al1 the bo1.s laugh. \\tren I come home, I read in the book for half an hour. Then I do m1, homervork for about three or four hours. The oral homervork I leave for the evening. At the sixth hour [6pnrr] all the boys '"vho study rvith the same teacher get together and rve go into the woods. !\4ren r,r,e are betr,i een the tail bushes I stand still and look at the sky like a dreamer. I dream pieasant dreams. \,Vl-ren I return I drink tea or read or chat a littie and then go to s1eep.23

With the possible exception of the few years after he flrst immigrated to Palestine, Moshe had scholarly habits for the rest of his life. Kremenets had hosted arguing Rabbis. The battles in Baranovich, hou,ever, would be fought within and beyond religion-between broad social movements, and between armed soldiers. In Kremenets, traditional religious sensibility faced opposition from the rationalistic Haskalah. In Baranovich, the ner,v ideological movements of Marxism and Zionism laid siege to the entire religious establishment. Revitalizing the Hebrew language was a Zionist ambition: it would be the "secular" Ianguage of the new Jewish nation. Haskalah too promoted a Hebrew revival, but as a r,vay to maintain faith and identity while Jews became active citizens, assimilated into the greater society. Moshe's father insisted that his son perfect his Hebrew, even before he had full command of Russian. Soon Moshe was reading the Zionist newspapers coming out of Poland and Russia. Although the move to Baranovich had been a difficult adjustment, Moshe was resilient, and Baranovich held unique attractions. The town was inteilectually lively and culturally stimulating. Among the new organizations spreading Zionist values through Eastern Europe were youth groups with an athletic emphasis. The Israeli Maccabi games originated from Zionist groups in Eastern Europe. Given Moshe's love of sports, he probably participated in their activities. Out of young Moshe's intellectual enthusiasm grew passions for physics and mathematics, and he became absorbed in the emerging sciences of neurology and psychology. Moshe tended to choose books that pointed toward people's untapped potentials. "I read an enormous amount of Forel. . . . lAugust] Forel n as one of the first who wrote about sex and the way we now conceive it. It was one of the first books [for me] . . . I read it when I was 12 years old."24 August Forel (rB4B - rg3r) was one of the great biologists at the turn of the century. NIoshe was excited about a book Forel published in r9o5, at the height of his scientiflc reputation. The Sexual Question carried Forel into

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the best-seller lists, and made his name synonymous lvith controversy. In it he demanded complete legal equality of the sexes, recognition of domestic iabor, decriminalization of all consensual sexual activity, and the free availability of contraceptives. Forel's avant-garde stances helped plant the seeds for Moshe's contributions to the just-beginning, century-long sexual revolution. Moshe's ry49 Body and Mature Behauior advanced his or,rm ideas about sex, and his posthumous The Potent Self gave special focus to sexual issues. Moshe's continuing interest in the problems and promises of sexual relationships had both personal and intellectual meanings for him. It is remarkable holv many chords Forel seems to have struck with the young Moshe. Forel may have given Moshe his flrst introduction to the exciting nelr, field of neuroscience. Forel may have also brought Moshe's attention to the emerging clinical discipline of hypnosis. In the decade or two before and after rgoo, neurologists commonly investigated hypnosis, and Forel was one of its important pioneers. Neurologists studied hypnosis experimentally, and used it therapeutically. It was the method of choice for early clinicians such as Iosef Breuer and Sigmund Freud. Hlpnotic suggestibility raised questions about the relationship between voluntary and involuntary action, and how mental images affect physiology, learning, and behar,.ior. All of these questions piqued Feldenkrais' curiositv and formed a basis for his subsequent explorations. From everl.thing we know about Moshe's character, he was likely enthusiastic about hypnosis' prospects to develop new human capacities. Ten years after his flrst reading of Forel, Moshe's flrst book on the subject of psycholo gy treated Emile Cou6' s outo sugge stion technique. His interest in hlpnosis continued as he explored Iohannes Schultz's autogenicsinLhe r93os. In his last period, Moshe would examine the hypnotherapeutic discoveries of Milton Erickson. After the initial period of involvement with Cou6's work, Moshe probably never formally practiced hypnosis. But he became a master of the verbal nuance and nonverbal empathy that are native to the hypnotist's art. Moshe's later methods surely owe a debt to his understanding of hlpnosis, yet even his childhood notebook shows Moshe enjoying engagement in reverie and dream-like states. As we see Moshe's work develop, we should recognize that its roots include explorations he began while still a child. At the same time Moshe was engaging lvith Forel's utopian ideas, his hometown was becoming a focus of the eastern front in World War I. And when World War r arrived in Baranovich, it remained there for four and a

halfyears. Moshe's assignment schoolbook was penned during the flrst half of r9r5, while he was eleven, and before the conflict reached Baranovich. But Moshe's nostalgia shows here that life had already begun to change: "We like the town park in Baranovich. It is a pitv that there is no order as usual. Two years ago lt'hen the music played, there was great interest to go in there, breath fresh air, walk in the paths and listen to the musicians play."zs It seems likely that Baranovich lost its "usual order" lvhen it became a Russian command center and garrison town in rgr4. Later in the schoolbook comes an unexpectedly chilling essay, a clarion foreshadorving of what was on its way toward Baranovich. Young Moshe gave it an eerily Dosto_vevskian title, "From the Notes of One of the Expelled": It happened not long ago in the vear ofrgr5. A poor person came to our door and before asking for charitv, he held out to my mother a scroll.

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The Words of the Scroll And in the scroll it was written: The town from which I was expelled is on the German border. On the Passover holiday, the Germans shot from artillery. The House of Study',vas very ciose to the target of the shooting and because of that sixteen Jews rvere killed. The rest of them fled. Women with children and infants in their arms ran r,vild in the streets. Most of them were killed. The rest of them crar,vled on their bellies in the snow so the bullets r,vould not hit them. Because of the crawling many people died. Many of the children got sick with typhus that broke out between them. The rich man in the town took the Torah scroll in his hand and fled. The commander met him and said: "Are you going to meet the Germans rvith 1'our Torah?" And immediately hung him. A Jer,v who carried heating oil to seil met u'ith Cossacks who asked him if there are a 1ot of Germans in the Polish city. He said: "A few." Then they went to the Christians u,ho carried heating oil after him. And they answered: "A 1ot." And they immediatelv attacked the Jeu'and stabbed him: "Iew, you \,\,anted us to fal1. " And thef immediatel-v took him and hanged him. These are the rvords of the scroll.26

It n ould not be long before Moshe rvould gain flrst-hand experience of Cossack highwaymen. From his recollections of chiidhood from his session with Eva Kirschner: We rvere in grandfather's house. [My father] r'vent lto Slar,uta] for his business to Iook for something. . . . The war was here. . . \\lhen we had to go back home. . . itrvas a border. . . andwe couldn't flnd free passage. . . . We went

from the house in a winter cart. . . six people. A farmer. . . a Ukrainian. . . was driving the cart. [The Cossacks] stopped him. . . And all the travelers were Jews. . . and they started to take all the money that they had. With the side of the rifle, they killed two. . . [My father] saw that there's nothing to lose, so he pulled from the winter cart one of the [long] poles [that go to the horses]. He hit the man r,vho was leading them over the head and killed him. And the others fled. [But] when we came back to Baranovich, [my father] had a broken arm. And they brought him to the hospital.27 Moshe adds that it was an occasion when he really respected his father. During the war the family business suffered. "The forest trade collapsed and the family suddenly lost all its property." As Aneh's business dwindled, the family increasingly relied upon Sheindel's resourcefulness. "She visited the army camps near the town, bought \(hatever she could find from the people who rvorked there and sold it for a tin-v profit to those in the town who still had money to buy. . . lbutl to those in need she sold on'credit,' well aware that these debts would never be paid."28 Sheindel set a valiant example for Moshe during these troubled times, for she aiso labored to help the homeless Jewish refugees streaming in from the towns and villages that were now battlegrounds. \Atren Moshe recollected his childhood with Eva Kirschner, he obliquely referred to an event, or group of events, as "the crisis. "2s We do not know all of what this "crisis" entailed. We know that disturbing forces pressed in upon Moshe, casting darker hues over his memories. lve cannot construct an exact chronology, but a set of terrible circumstances and events befell Moshe, his family, and his society, in rapid succession. These following events, and the feelings and choices they engendered, would be of paramount consequence for Moshe's life.

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REFERENCES

1

N'Ioshe Feldenkrais, Tlrc Elusiue Obuiotrs (Cupertino, California: Meta Publications, r98.1), p. B;.

z

Elie \Viesel, Sotrls ort Fire: Portraits and Legends of Hasidic l,Iasters (NervYork: Simon and Schuster, 19;2) p. 257.

3 4 5 6

lvloshe Feldenkrais, personal intenier,r., Amherst, Nlassachusetts,

1981.

Wiesel p. +2.

Nat Golick, genealogy chalt. Gideon Katznelson. "Biographical Notes," SheirdeL Felderrkrals (Tel-,tviv, Israel: r966)

P

3r'

7 l,loshe Feldenkrais, "The Grass," Hebre,,r,school jotrrnal (r9r5). B N{F, Hebre\\. school journal, "The S\.. " g NIosheFeldenkrais,astoldtoEr.aKirschner,"ChildhoodN4emories,"audiotape, earh'1970s.

ro u

N'lF,

12 13

N,lF, Hebrerv school

t4

Nloshe Feldenkrais, Feldenkrais Professional Training Program, course, San Francisco, CiA, r975.

rs r6 U

NIoshe Feldenkrais, Tlrc Potertt Self (San Francisco: Harper and Ror,-, 1985) p. 82.

MF, Hebrer,r. school journal.

18

N{F, Hebrer'rr school jor-rrnal, "Botanical Garden. "

"Childhood N{entories."

Fraciszek Bujak, Tlrc Jeu.,ish Questiotr in Polartd (tgtg).

N{F, Hebrerv

journai.

schooljournal.

Nlichel Silice-Feldenkrais, personal communication.

t9

Ljora Palucr'i, pehollal conrnrtrniciiriorr.

zo

N{F, Hebreu,schooJ

21 22

Moshe Feldenkrais, personal communication, 198o. NIF, Hebrer,v school journal.

23 trlF, Hebrer,v z4 NIF, Hebreur 25 26

journal, "NIypnrnilr,."

school journal. school journal.

NIF, Hebrerv school jor-rrna1. NIF, Hebrerv school journal.

z;

NlF, Clrildlroud nrerrrorie..

28 29

Katznelson p.31. NII-, "Childhood N{ernories."

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r6

17

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TIIE F[],DENKRA1S JOURNAL }iO.

17

Adam Cole

Mathematics and the Feldenkrais Method: Discovering the Relationship i'picaliy in mathematics classrooms ranging from elementary to college level, math teachers, supported b.v their textbooks, present a model r'r,av of thinking about their subject which, when followed, will enable a stttdent to solve an1, kind of problem. Often, the class divides itself into tu,'o loose camps: those who alread-v think according to the model, and those r,vho think in another way. Those rvhose thinking style matches the model r,r,ill tend to succeed early on and r,vill be rer,r,arded. The rest of the students are left r,vith a choice: Think like a mathematician or accept failure. Most of the time the teachers, who r,r,ere themselves the types that naturally matched the model, wiil be unable to offer their students any explanation of honr to change one's thinking style and will instead stick to the surface elernents of math instruction: drilling, memorization of formulas, getting the right ans\ver. Both the "math types" and the "non-math types" r,rdll lose as a result of this approach. Obviouslv those lr,ho cannot adapt their thinking by themselves, even though they may be extremelv bright and capable, rvill be forced to resign themselves to failure. But the "math t-ypes" r,rrill also suffer because, failing to understand their olvn thought process, thel'r'r,ill often not be able to improve it when they reach a more formidable math challenge. The success/failure striation n ill continue to \,veed students or-rt and only a ven, fe,,r, r,r,ill ever make it to the truly exciting regions of mathematics. Through all of the rveeding-otit process, the aspects of math that are most interesting and beautiful will be lost to evenrone engaged in the shuffle of "-"vho is better than u,hom." I had aln aJrs desired a lr,av of bridging the gap betlveen "math types" and "nonmath tvpes," and the Feldenkrais N'Iethod of somzrtic education, r,l,ith its focus on limitless improvement and making the impossible possible, seemed to offer a flicker of hope. Nerrertireless, it took a good deal of time and self-experimentation before I lr,as able to use the Method to begin to understand the process of mathematicai thinking in mvself. I imagined being able to retain my calcuius the way I had retained arithmetic. I craved an ease ol motion in my mind, an alternative to the stiffness, the spasmodic clutchings at the back of mv head, and the sense of panic I got looking at the symbols and nurnbers. I wished that there rvas a potion I could drink that lvould enable me to think cleariy, blorving the fog off of my thoughts so that I r,vould be able to see r,vithout impediment in an1, direction. I believed that magic potion was "the perfect math teacher." He or she could explain things to me in such a r,r,ay tirat the subject r,r,ould become very easy, so that in a single glance, I n ould see all of mathernatics' inner.",i orkings and understand hor,r,thev fit together. I imagined such a teacher must exist, but I had never found him or her. Several of my math instructors n ere excellent; one of them used

I I - I I

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-THE FELDENKRAIS IOURNAI, NO. 17

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to give lectures that made me gasp, but I was never able to transfer those glorious explanations into my or,vn head for keeps. This constat-rt failing in the face of a genuine love fbr the subject of math was a source of real sadness and pain for me. \\hile working as a prof'essional pianist, I r,r'ent to a Feldenkrais instructor to improve m-v injured hands. The more I leamed about \,1oshe Feldenkrais and his approach to educating the uhole person, the more excited I became. \\hen the opportuni8r came lor me to take the tbur-vear Feldenkrais practitioner training, I h-as thinking bevond the improvement to m-v body and began to imagine impror..ing all of myself. I r,r,ondered if NIoshe's r,vork would confirm what I had ah,vays believed to be true: Mathematical ability could be improved in nonstandard ways. There might be a path of approach other than the traditional methods that had al-'vays failed me. I was encouraged when my trainer, Carl Ginsburg, upon fielding some of my questions about mathematics, related a storv that one time jn Amherst, Moshe had written upon the blackboard the equation )f(r)dr=F(r), Feldenkrais had announced proudly to the class that this r'vas rvhat his Method was all about, that Functional Integration (rr) itl math and in his work was one and the same. Both those r,t ith and rt-ithout a mathematical background had been equallv mystified, but no expiat-iation ever tbllou'ed. I myself still lacked a fundamental understanding of basic calculus. I kner,v roughlv what the sl mbols rteant: Thev are the flrst hall ol the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. Those s]'mbols \{ere put together in the r6th century b\r Sir Isaac Neuton and Gottfried Leibniz, and ther.nlade possible an entire ner,r,r,i,'orld in scientilic discor,etl'. Stiil, m1'understanding oln-hat those s-vmbols actually represented rvas fat gone from mY rnind. I had r-ised them in high-school and in college, but I had ne\rer mastered their meaniug' I had desired to see if I could use the Feldenkrais Method to come to a better understanding of mathematics. Nor,v I found that I ll'ould need a better understanding of mathematics to comprehend Feldenkraisl Somehow', the discipiines were related in a fundamental r,vav. I thought it rvould be worthwhile to attempt my experiment, even though no one seerned to be able to offer me any kind of guidance for ho"v to proceed.

VISION AND UNDERSTANDING Galrranized bir Carl's tempting story, I set out to determine if I could use Feldenkrais to improve my math skills in the r,vay I n as using it to cirange my bod-v. g1rsry dav at lunch I n alked or drove to the library on the college campus near our training facilitv and found a book on calcr"rlus of one kind or another. I rvould set mysellin a comfortabie chair and begin to read. I put some constraints on mvself. I rvanted to be able to read a math textbook the r,vay math professors do, straight through, r,vithout skipping around. Because I lr,anted to focus on the difficulty, I refused to do exercises r,r,ith a pencil and paper. I rvould read, think, and nothing else, measuring my levei of abilitv and understanding as I rvent. True to the N{ethod, I u'ould proceed oniy until I began to feel tired, at which point I rvottld stop. \Vhat I r,vas really doing lvas learning to pa)'attention to myself rvhile reading. The subject of the books had r,,ery little to do rvith the process, except for the nature of r'r'riting that math instmction requires. A math textbook is a particulariy difficult thing to read. Each section is ritten "t concisely, rvith nothing extraneous added for detail or color, and the ideas in a given chapter must be comprehended thoroughly for the nert chapter to make sense.

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THE FEI,DENKRAIS ]OURNAL NO. 17

My reading skills in general were not good. Though I had aiways read voraciously, my ability to read quickly and for long periods had fallen off since fourth grade, about the time I started wearing glasses for near-sightedness. \\4rile my interest in books had not lagged, I had always been aware of how hard it rvas for me to sustain my attention. Mathematics and science textbooks demanded uninterrupted thinking and were very difficult for me. So in those flrst library sessions I explored my ability to focus my thoughts while reading a sustained argument with iots of details, using the techniques of the Feldenkrais Method to improve those skills. By obsen'ing myself as I read difficult math concepts, I rvas becoming aware of hon, long it took to iose that focus on the page, and more importantly, of what kinds of things tended to cause me to lose it. Any improvement in mathematical skill would really come about as a fringe beneflt of these experiments. One of the mathematical exercises I set for myself was the complete comprehension of a well-known proof in mathematics: the proof that riz is an irrational number. Like all sophisticated proofs, this one required keeping several complex ideas in my head while absorbing new information. I had always found the reading of such proofs very tiring, but now, in true Feldenkrais style, I had added the obstacle of not allowing myself to continue once I noticed myself straining. It is, of course, impossible for a beginner to read the complete proof in thirty seconds, and so I was enormously frustrated at my inability to make any progress! I was able to console myself with the notion that paying attention to myself in the act of reading was more important than feeling like a brilliant mathematician, but I did long for the reward of understanding the proof in the whole of its beautv. I chipped away at the proof for a couple of lveeks, stopping whenever I found myself looking at the words rvithout reading them. One day as I read, I saw a detail that I had never noticed before. Understanding this overlooked detail brought the rest of the proof into clearer focus. As I found myself able to read a larger chunk of the argument seamlessllr, I felt a powerful sensation of release in my eyes, as if they were no longer straining. It was very pleasant, and it served as a physical manifestation of my mental

illumination. But how strange! Why should the muscles around my eyes rela-xwith the sudden understanding of a mathematical idea? The flrst answer that springs to mind is that I was straining to understand the proof, and when I finally did, I rela-red. If that were true, did that suggest the converse, that by relaxing my eyes I could have understood the proof sooner, that the "tension" in

my eyes was retarding mv math skills? The converse of a statement is not always true: A duck is a bird, but a bird is not a duck. Nevertheless, as I continued to train in the Method, and as I continued to read about math on the side, I kept the experience of my eyes in the back of my mind, still not knowing exactly what to do with it. As my vision changed dramatically over the four years of my training, I began to see more profound connections between vision and mental capacity. In iessons rvhich involr.ed scanning from left to right I noticed deflnite areas where my eyes jumped, refused to scan smoothly, and places where they could not really "see" at all. Having discovered these gaps, I began to work my way back into my body to explore the causes. Among other things, I discovered that limited flexibilit-v in my ribs and hips had kept me from flnding a comfortable way to sit and, unable to Iind a stable base, I could not easily adapt my head and shoulders to the demands of my e_ves. As my training went on and I began to coordinate my ribs, head, and shoulders, I began to recover certain eye movements, including a smoother

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scan from left to right. The result on my reading, and subsequently my

thinking, was profound. There is a story by Kurt Vonnegut called "Harrison Bergeron" in which the government forces intelligent people aiways to wear earphones that produce loud sounds that intermittently startle them, so that they are never able to complete an intelligent thought. My difficulties in scanning brought a simiiar curse to me. Without realizing it, I had been unable to maintain my comprehension in an overly long sentence because I would lose the train of the words with my eyes. Over time I had learned to think very well in shorter gasps while negiecting longer arguments. I had excelled in producing spotty improvisations on the piano, short poems, and gesture drawings. I had avoided subjects like philosophy and logic. Books by rgth century authors like Dickens and HenryIames, with their long compound sentences, had been nearly impossible for me to follow. Similarly, math textbooks, rvhich, as I said, require a reader to follow a single train of thought for a significant duration, had prorrided a constant challenge. As myvisual acuity improved, my reading skills recovered and I found, to my delight, that I could comprehend long ideas from start to finish. A change had occurred in my vision, but it lr,as reflected inmy mind.l could read a mathematical proof ail the lvay through without a break. I r,rras better able to take in a iong piece of music, another skill nhich had alu,avs caused me difficulty. Even my or,r,n rvriting reflected my new focus as I began to construct longer streams of ideas in my creati-".e rvork. The breakthroughs I experienced r,r,.ith mv e\res r,r,ere onh, one piece of a process I used to impror,e 11y u,hole self. There rvere other u,ays in rvhich I was abie to discover hor,v the use of mv body manifested the patterns of and hindrances to my thinking.

AN INNER SENSE OF SPACE There are several levels of complexity on the road from counting to calculus. As children we begin with the number line. First we may master the skill of counting up from 1 to 10. Then we count backwards from 10 to r. In time we will come to see the number line as a continuous road for which we have a single choice, left or right. In arithmetic we learn to dance upon that line. By adding z and 3, we can leap over 4 to land on 5. Multiplying and dividing give us even greater leaps. Yet our calculations, while giving us inflnite options to jump, still offer us oni-v one choice, a single dimension of mental movement: Ieft or right. This ievel of functioning matches a child's needs. As infants we really only conceive of yes or no dilemmas: I am hungry / I am full, I am wet / I am drr,. As r,r,,e get a iittle older, we may become more sophisticated in our thinking, but we remain committed to the yes or no idea. I want this / I don't r,vant that. I really \vant this I I hate that. Arithmetic is an appropriate skill to teach a child, because there is only one solution for every problem. In aigebra a new concept is introduced: the uariable. This is the familiar letter xrvhich can stand for any number at a/i. At Iirst, the x merely replaces the blank in a common arithmetic equation, so "z + 3 = _" becomes "z + 3 = r " . Because we do not know what "r is at first, we understand that it could be any number, and lve need to flnd out r,r,hich one it is. In this case the x can onlv be 5. Algebra truly comes into its own when tr,vo variables are used together and allowed to play. Most often, r and y are the letters of choice. If I say "x + 2 =y" I am setting up a relationship between the variables: .r and / can

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be an-v ti,vo numbers in the entire universe as long as x is trvo less than y. If r is 4, then y is 6; if x is 7ooo, then y is Tooz; and so on. The equation x + 2 = y has lots of solutions and you can plot them on a two-dimensional map,

connecting them with a line. The more complex the relationship, the more that Iine wiggles around on the page. In order to understand algebra, a student must be able to recognize that an equation is not a problem asking for a solution, but an expression of a relationship, Iike a baianced scale. If Vou add something to one side and you want to keep it balanced, you have to add the same amount to the other side. Seeing the relationship between the tr,vo sides is more important than using it to solve a problem. Even if we never learn algebra, understanding such interrelationships is essentiai for us to learn to move. At some point we realize that the parts of our bodies are connected through our center. \Mhen we roli, we do not simply take our shoulders in one direction. In fact, one shoulder moves up and the other moves down. In all human movement, there is a corresponding balance betr,veen parts of the system. I had an adequate understanding of such algebraic relationships in high school, but when I reached calculus, I hit a wall. Even when I revisited the subject in college, I was unable to master its most basic ideas. Something about calculus was different from algebra. It ',vas harder, not just in the way that adding was harder than counting, but in the way that comprehending algebraic relationships was harder than adding. It required a new dimension of thinking. Just as with reading, I discovered a way to improve my grasp of calculus during my Feldenkrais training, this time by examining my sense of space. In the second year of my training, I had begun to notice that my self-image was physicallv inaccurate, but fit my ability to move. In my self-image I resembled a stick of gum, with ividth and height but no depth. Side-bending came relatively easv to me, as did fonvard and backr,r,ard bending. I was comfortable with linear motion, but I had little to no comprehension of hor,v to twist both fonr,ard and to the right, or other such moves. I rarely explored the functions that relied on these more complex movements because they were ar,r,krt ard and occasionaliy painful. One day I also discovered that, instead of seeing depth, I was only comprehending two dimensions in space with my eyes. Every morning lr,hen I

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looked across the gorge just outside our training facilit"v I would compress the space of that half-mile of trees stretching down the hillside into a flat picture. I kner,v objects were closer or farther awav only by their relative size. Physiologically there r,r,as nothing wrong with my depth perception, but I did not process the information verywell in mv mind. Through various Feldenkrais lessons, as I began to gain an interior sense of the space inside my bodv, the rvorld bel,ond my eves began to look different as r,t eil. Objects took on a depth and solidity the1, had never possessed before. I could adequatelv gauge distances of far-away objects and could switch bet.ntreen near vision and far-away vision with ease. The true turning point in my sense of internal and external space came in a series of lessons taught by Donna Blank in which she introduced Laban movement-concepts in anAwareness Through Movement (,A.rNa) format. For a week I rvas asked to envision myself in the middle of a sphere and to make movements that took me simultaneously to varying places on its surface. I found the lessons excruciatingly difficult; the1, svsl made me an8ry. But I persevered because I rvas beginning to sense that I lacked something essential that would have made these lessons easiet. In fact, I was missinglhe significance of deplh perception in human function. Recognizing the struggle I faced in Donna's lessons, I recalled many movements that had aiu,ays been difficult lor me that relied on a greater sense of three-dimensionalitl-, an abilitv to see mvself as fitting into a sphere as opposed to a circle: somersaults, headstands, er,en sitting comfortably on the floor, to list a feu'. These became easier lr,hen I started to flIl out my internal image. As I r,r,as coming to grips rtith w'hat I lacked in mv perception, I was also dutifull1, studying calculus. I had gotten in the habit of paving closer attention to what I was reading, having improved my ability to piece details together more effectively. While puzzlingover theorems about limits, I contemplated sentences in my p31[ textbook such as this one: "There exists

a

number

6

such

that

o4r-al