Stolen Lives: Twenty Years in a Desert Jail [Hardcover ed.] 0786868619, 9780786868612

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STOLEN LIVES

STOLEN LIVES Twenty Years

in a Desert Jail

MALIKA OUFKIR and MICHELE FITOUSSI Translated by Ros Schwartz

talk

miramax books HIhyperionI

j

NEW YORK

Originally published in French

Copyright

©

Editions Grasset

All rights reserv^ed.

No

part

as

&

La

Prisonniere

Fasquelle,

1999

of this book may be used to reproduced in

any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the Publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For infomiation address:

Hyperion, 77

Map

©

W.

66th Street,

New

York,

New

by Neil Gower. Unless otherwise credited

Oufkir family/Grasset.

ISBN 0-7868-6861-9

York 10023-6298. all

photos are

I

dedicate this

To

'Scrooge',

owe my To

book

to the Beavers.

my

beloved Mother, the most wonderful woman.

I

survival to her.

'Petit Pole',

Myriam,

my

adored

whose courage

sister,

To 'Mounch', Raouf, my brother and my

friend,

my

salute.

I

my

support,

example of dignity.

To begin

To

'the Negus',

my

my

sister

Maria,

who

gave

me

the opportunity to

over again in the country of democracy. Thank you.

life

'Charlie',

my

very talented

sister

whom

Soukaina, in

I

have

faith.

To 'Geo

me

Trouvetout', Abdellatif,

my young

brother,

who

inspired

with the strength to fight and hope.

To

'Barnaby', Achoura, and

'Dingo', Halima, for their loyalty

through every ordeal.

To

'Big,

Bad Wolf,

To Azzedine,

my

my

beloved

uncle, and

father,

Hamza,

who

my

I

hope

cousin,

is

proud of us.

who

died too

young.

To

the children of the Beavers, Michael, Tania and Nawel,

nephew and

nieces.

their country,

May

this

my

account not prevent them from loving

Morocco. M.O.

To my daughter

Lea,

who was

constantly in

my

thoughts

as

I

listened

to this story. M.F,

CONTENTS

PREFACE BY MICHELE FITOUSSI Part 1

2 3

Allee des Princesses

MY BELOVED MOTHER

1

THE KING'S PALACE THE OUFKIR HOUSE

1958-1969

Twenty Years

in Prison

Part 4

1:

2:

1

1969-1972

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

22 64

103

25 December 972-8 November 973 1

5

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT 8 November

6

1

1

116

973-26 February 977 1

BIR-JDID PRISON

136

26 February 1977-19 April 1987 7

ESCAPED PRISONERS

196

l9April-24April 1987

8

MARRu\KESH I

9

July

257

1987-19 February 1991

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

276

POSTSCRIPT

289

AUTHORS' NOTE

291

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ABOUT THE AUTHORS

293 295

\

n*f*

d^.

^O^^'

-•

•

esctMp^ r-outm

lOOmtlfs

MOROCCO

PREFACE

Why

book?

this

It

clear that

is

MaHka Oufkir would have

even

we

if

hadn't

met by chance,

written this account one day. Since her

escape from prison, she has always wanted to

tell

her story and

The

exorcize the painful past that continues to torment her.

idea was

slowly forming in her mind, but there was no hurry. She wasn't

ready yet.

Why from

write

fate.

it

We

together? That

gave her the courage shelve

We

all

my

met

the Iranian

is

—we had

also clear

met by chance and immediately became finally to

unburden

herself,

a

helping hand

friends,

and prompted

which

me

to

other plans to listen to her and transcribe her account.

for the

new

young woman

time in March 1997,

first

year.

lost in

A

the

at a

party to celebrate

mutual friend pointed out a sHm, pretty

crowd of guests.

'That's Malika, General Oufkir's eldest daughter.'

The name gave me

a start.

It

evoked

injustice, horror, the

un-

utterable.

The Oufkir for

and

children. Six youngsters

twenty years in appalling Moroccan

newspaper

How

stories.

I

I

recalled snatches of

was overwhelmed.

can anyone appear normal

Hve, laugh or love,

their mother, incarcerated

gaols.

how

after

can they go on

years of their Hfe as a result of injustice?

such suffering?

when

How

they have

can they

lost the best

PREFACE

I

watched

someone used She was

grief.

carried

I

me

She hadn't seen

her.

Her behaviour was

yet.

that

to sociaHzing, but her eyes revealed a barely disguised in the

on

room with

us, yet strangely

elsewhere.

her with an intensity that would have

staring at

seemed rude, had she only noticed me. But she had eyes only companion, clinging

to

We

were introduced.

him

I

her

as if

exchanged

respective countries, she being

We

depended on

life

few cautious

a

it.

At

for her

our

platitudes about

from Morocco and

we

last

from Tunisia.

I

were both trying to size each other up. observed her covertly

the grace of her

From time

this

know what

didn't

I

watched her dance, noticing herself erect, her

those people having fun, or pretending

all

our eyes met and

to time

perturbed by

evening.

all

movements, the way she held

solitude in the midst of

woman.

we

smiled

at

each other.

to.

was

1

At the same time, she intimidated me.

to say to her. Everything

Questioning her would be intrusive. to

of

And

sounded

yet

I

trite,

I

pathetic.

was already burning

know. At the end of the

time

we exchanged

party,

was finishing off

I

collection

a

pubhshed the following May. me.

I

suggested meeting

still

I

soon

as

had

as

I

telephone numbers. At that

of short a

due

stories

to

be

few weeks' work ahead of

had

finished.

Malika agreed,

without abandoning her reserve.

Over

the next few days

thought about her continuously.

I

seeing her beautiful, sad face.

Or

at least to

tions.

I

tried to picture

imagine the unimaginable.

What had

she been through?

What

I

kept

myself in her situation.

was besieged with ques-

I

did she feel

now?

How

do

you return from the grave? I

was deeply moved by her extraordinary

had endured, and by her miraculous difference in our ages. She

age of nineteen and a

under

my

belt,

was

Sciences PoUtiques.

my

survival.

was imprisoned

half,

the year

destiny, the suffering she

when

in 1,

There

is

only

December with

my

a year's

1972,

at

the

baccalaureate

my preparatory year at the Ecole des obtained my diploma and have since fulfilled

starting I

childhood dream of becoming

a journalist,

and then

have worked, travelled, loved and suffered, like everyone

a writer. else.

I

I

have

PREFACE

two wonderful

children. I've lived a

rich

full,

my

and had

life

share

of experiences, sorrows and joys.

Throughout

away from the world,

family,

I

thought about

and pure human

wanted Malika I

cell.

was gripped by That week,

that they

tell

me

would convey

To be

wanted I

had

hope

Eric, her

it

hard to

settle

companion, for barely

from

prison, the

to leave

Morocco,

who

thanks to the escape of Maria, one of the younger daughters,

had sought poHtical asylum

The

affair

had made

I

her.

finally delivered

She was finding

been granted permission

finally

with

gesture, in the

eight months. In 1996, nine years after her breakout

Oufkir family had

destiny.

it

called to invite her to lunch.

faint.

had been living with

to write

was obsessed.

I

I

a single

excitement of the writer

my books as a friendly my ardent wish. After

the phone, her voice was

in Paris. She

I

honest,

the manuscript of my short stories,

On

was by

I

woman's extraordinary

her story, and

this idea.

sent her

1

curiosity, the

interest in this

to

more driven

her, the

mixture of journalistic

desire, a

horrendous conditions, her horizons

in

limited to the four walls of her

The more

had been incarcerated with her

that entire time, she

in France.

had

a big splash. Maria's strained little face

appeared on TV, and shortly afterwards, again on the small screen, the French pubHc had witnessed the arrival of

French

soil:

Myriam,

Malika, her

sister

their other sister, joined

them

Malika told

me

family

on

Raouf

shortly afterwards. Abdellatif,

the youngest, and Fatima Oufkir, their mother, at that time,

some of the

Soukaina and her brother

still

Hved

in

Morocco

over a lunch that went on long into the

afternoon. I

Hstened to her, fascinated. Malika

is

a

remarkable

Scheherazade. She has a thoroughly oriental narrative

storyteller.

style,

A

speaking

slowly in an even tone, building suspense, and gesticulating with her tapering hands for added effect.

Her

eyes are incredibly expressive;

she swings from melancholy to laughter. At the same a child, a teenage girl

and

a

mature woman. She

is all

moment

she

is

ages rolled into

one, but has not really lived through any of them. I

knew

little

imprisonment.

about the history of Morocco, or the reasons for her I

only

knew

that she

was incarcerated with her

five

PREFACE

brothers and

her father's

sisters

and her mother for two decades, d'etat.

General

man

in the

kingdom,

second most important Hassan

II

on 16 August 1972. The

was executed; he died with

in retaliation for

Muhammad

attempted coup

Oufkir, the

tried to assassinate

King

plot failed and General Oufkir

The kmg

five buUets in his body.

sent the

family to live in exile in the most frightful conditions, in a penal

colony from which, generally, nobody ever returned. Abdellatif, the youngest, was only three.

own

But Malika's adopted with

at

childhood was even more unusual. She was

Muhammad V, to be brought up Amina, who was the same age. On

King

the age of five by

his daughter, little Princess

the death of the monarch, his son, Hassan

of the upbringing of the two

personally took charge

II,

of

httle girls, as well as that

his

own

children. Malika spent eleven years living at the court, in the seclu-

sion

of the harem, virtually never leaving

already a prisoner, inside the splendid palace.

caped,

it

was

to enjoy a

confines.

its

When

She was

she finally es-

golden adolescence for two years while hving

with her parents.

young

After the coup d'etat, the

Malika Oufkir's tragedy

borne for

secretly

years.

both her beloved

girl lost

bereavement

in this double

is

Whom

do you

love,

whom

fathers.

that she has

do you

hate,

when your own father attempts to assassinate your adoptive father? And when the latter suddenly becomes your tormentor, and that of your family? It is agonizing, heartbreaking. The stuff of a novel. Gradually,

both of

us.

I

began

same idea had occurred

to realize that the

Mahka wanted

to

tell

me

the story she had not yet

we had

disclosed to anyone. At that Iranian party,

drawn

background,

been

there

were

—

she's a

same generation, we have native Orient, the

people.

We

so

many

differences

between

us,

of

social circles, education, children, profession, character

and even religion

already

Muslim and I'm

a

—we belong

Jew

a similar sensibility, the

same love

to the

for

our

same sense of humour, the same way of seeing felt a

sense of kinship, and our friendship contin-

to blossom, confirming

We

instinctively

to each other.

Even though

ued

to

would write

this

our

book

initial

gut feeling.

together.

But

it

took

a

while for

PREFACE

We

Malika's wish to crystallize.

May

1997, but

downs,

that

it

was not

we were

For Malika was

signed the contract with Grasset in

January 1998,

after

work,

at last able to start

numerous ups and

in the

utmost secrecy.

of being spied on and having her phone

afraid

During the

tapped.

until

Mo-

Oufkir family had spent in

five years the

they were daily victims of police

rocco, just after their release,

harassment, and so were the few friends they saw regularly. Malika

had retained the habit of never talking about important things over the telephone and of glancing over her shoulder

In Paris, she was

street.

also

I

had to be

She didn't want 'them' to find out

years.

was writing her story

that she

until the very last minute.

Only

discreet.

week and we spoke on

to three times a rest

the story of a friendship

is

consoHdated day by day, June,

two

either at

my

them, the Eric's

tea,

phone

and Malika

the

I

led a double

knew life.

we had

little

the

phone every

I

that

day.

developed and was

book advanced. From January

place or hers.

cakes,

a

We

had our

little rituals,

copy of the tapes in case

my

to

the

'they'

children bursting in to chat,

of tender concern. Then

calls full

revising,

the

as

tape recorders to ensure

stole

and

we met

a year,

close friends

anybody about Malika. And yet we worked together

didn't talk to

The

my

few of

a

about our work. For the best part of

up

in the

unable to shake off the terror that had

still

haunted her for twenty-five

when walking

which wasn't always

I

began writing,

easy. Telling

her story was

already distressing enough. She had to start over again several times

when

talking to

in print

would her.

me

about the painful episodes. Seeing her nightmare

was often too much

for her.

I

sometimes worried that she

give up, that her fears or her ghosts

But she went through with

Gripping from ing, horrifying.

I

start to finish,

it

giggles, for

get the better of

to the end.

Malika's story was agonizing, shock-

trembled, shivered and empathized, experiencing

hunger, cold and fear along with her. But

of

would

Malika

is

a

wizard

at

the

we

also

humour

had countless

fits

that enabled the

Oufkir family to survive. She made fun of everything, and laughed herself too.

brothers and

guided

all

Through her words, sisters

I

came

to

know

at

her family, the

she had mothered, protected, brought up and

those bleak years, and her mother, Fatima,

who

is

still

a

PREFACE

great beauty

and could

after the

other.

me, shaped by Malika,

She hadn't bed. They are

dignified, funny, generous,

Mahka As

life

that often

appointments, her lateness, her fear

met them one

without exception,

all,

intense, as Malika

too.

is

strength.

amazes me. She has no notion of time or space;

mean nothing

times and arrangements

days,

I

of having come so close to death, she has a detachment

a result

from

moving and

they were like

first

until

She has the survivor's toughness and

a survivor.

is

At

pass as her older sister.

characters in a novel for

of

total lack

to

The missed

her.

of direction, her

a sense

of the Metro and crowds and her technophobia

surprise

still

and

amuse me. Despite her

modem

airs

and her mobile phone, which she

without, she sometimes seems like

She panics over nothing, doesn't at a loss.

Martian

know

lost

often physically

mark on

—

weak

the codes and

analysis.

is

never Earth.

often utterly

and yet she

her,

She

is

touching; fragile and

deprivation and isolation have

illness,

is

prison and suffering have, sadly,

wonder which of the two of us For that whole year,

1

left

so soHd. If those twenty years of

done

damage, they have

irreparable

forged a remarkable soul, an admirable character.

also

is

on Planet

At other times she shows impressive judgement, intuition

and an astonishing capacity for

their

a

has in fact lived the

laughed and cried with

I

actually

least.

her,

1

nannied

her,

advised her, tucked her up in bed, comforted her, listened to her, pitied her,

bucked her up, pushed her

has given

me, and

not even aware of determination and

it.

for always,

is

move mountains

forced

me

to look

describes with such

me

.

.

one

Writing

is

that courage,

(or dig tunnels

me

that

hope and

probably strength,

me want

to

warmth and

faith in life

with bare hands). She has often

my

ideas about

Morocco

discover the

life.

that she

passion, without rancour for

people, even though they deserted her. I'm sure .

of

dignity can survive even the most extreme

deep inside myself, to question

She has even made

her

to the point

immeasurable. She

She has taught

human

and brutal conditions. She has taught can

sometimes

But the relationship has never been one-way. What

exhaustion.

MaUka

too,

I

will

its

go there with

day.

this story

was, of course, for

me

a

means of speaking out

PREFACE

against the arbitrary, the callous persecution

Words

children.

family has suffered, earth.

One

result

of

as

I

do

for

of turning

all

violations of

who

feel for

I

human

a blind eye to the horrors

because you can stand only so much, that each individual

mother and her

a

cannot describe the revulsion

is

is

that

six

what

this

on

this

rights

of the world,

you end up

forgetting

subjected to heinous suffering

is

your

feUow, your equal, and that you could have been in their shoes, and that

he or she could one day have become your

And

yet this

book

is

of the crimes, and that

have transcribed what

I

friend.

not an indictment. History will be the judge is

not our intention.

Nor

also,

What

most of the time, her I

wanted

it

heard, over the days: MaUka's

with her hesitations, her uncertainties, things she but

is

to convey,

an expose.

raw testimony,

drew

a veil over,

relentless precision.

what we convey

together, with her

words and mine, with her sentiments and our shared emotion, above

all

the incredible journey of a

incarcerated from earliest childhood, prisons,

and

who

could with her, her, to

I

is

now

woman

first

trying to live her

hope, like

all

those

of

my

in a palace life.

who now

is

generation,

and then in

In going as far as

I

love her and surround

have helped her rediscover her appetite for

January 1999

I

living.

Michele Fitoussi

PART ONE ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

MY BELOVED MOTHER

From

the strains of mambo and cha-cha music,

room come

the living

the percussion and guitars punctuated by the arrival of the guests.

Laughter and conversation

where

am

I

finding

Invisible in the

gazing

the rooms, wafting up to the

doorway,

my thumb jammed

in their

their lacquered chignons, sparkling jewels

want

be Hke

to

from

like the princesses

when

I

grow

up.

in

my

my

and elegance.

stand

I

admire

I

and sophisticated make-up.

favourite fairy stories that

Which

I

am

longing to do

Suddenly she appears, the most beautiful of all in a white,

mouth,

evening dresses made by the great

couturiers, vying with each other in beauty

They look

bedroom

hard to get to sleep.

women

the

at

it

fill

my

.

eyes,

.

I

so

wearing

low-cut dress that emphasizes the curve of her neck.

heart thumping,

I

.

watch her greeting the guests and smiling,

My

kissing

her friends, bowing her graceful neck before strangers in dinner jackets. as

Soon she

will dance, sing, clap her

hands and party

she always does

when my

parents give a party at

She

me

few hours, while

my

will forget

Uttle bed,

soft hair

for a

I

till

dawn,

home.

fight against sleep in

thinking constantly of her, the sheen of her skin, her

where

I

love to bury

my

face,

her perfume, her warmth.

Mummy.

My

beloved mother from

whom,

cannot imagine ever being separated.

in

my

childhood paradise,

I

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

There

is

a

shared destiny

mother died

my

bond between

me

mother and

made up of abandonment and

m

childbirth

when

comes from

that

a

Her own

loneUness.

she was barely four years old.

I

in

turn was torn from her gentle embrace at the age of five to be

Muhammad

adopted by King

Perhaps that closeness has been

V.

cemented by our both having been deprived of our mother's

—

she was seventeen

fection in childhood, our proximity in age I

bom

was

—our

destroyed chances of fulfilment

When War, her

her mother died, father,

women.

as

him

Abdelkader Chenna, an

Meknes, where he hved

good education. The

who

his

to take his daughter

two motherless children

the

little

at

fate has

in a

it

to diphtheria.

hard to get over

her alone amid strangers. She was to have

her

life.

Heaven cross

his

many

and worship the Virgin Mary, Jesus and

came

He

placed

to fetch her

My

mother,

this loss,

which

other sorrows in

Fatima sent to them by

this pretty little

make

into a perfect Christian. She learned to

grandfather

who

was impossi-

Syria. It

the time, so that they w'ould receive a

boy succumbed

out to turn

French amiy,

convent run by French nuns in

left

set

has

cruel.

Second World

officer in the

regiment in

mother

been

and young son with him.

adored her brother, found

The nuns

my

Like me,

whom

the beginning of the

at

had just received orders to join ble for

by our savagely

incredible physical resemblance and

always had the grave look of those to

af-

when

the sign of the

the saints.

all

and take her home.

A

Then my

devout Muslim

had already made the pilgrimage to Mecca, he nearly swallowed

medals with rage.

It

wasn't good for

alone.

woman as a

a

from high

society,

whom

cordon-bleu cook. Khadija's

father's

favourite dish

up such

career soldier to bring

His friends urged him to remarry.

—was

He

chose

a

a

young

he married primarily for her skill at

unrivalled.

making

My

pastilla

girl

very young talents

—my grand-

mother couldn't bear

sharing her beloved father with a stranger only a few years older than

The birth of a even more jealous.

she was.

her

Her ambition was

sister,

Fawzia, then a brother, Azzedine,

to escape as quickly as possible

where she was unhappy and where her

12

from

a

made

home

father kept her shut away, as

MY BELOVED MOTHER

was

But she had nowhere

traditional for girls.

to

go

that could give

her the warmth she lacked. Her mother's family, wealthy Berbers

from the Middle

were nearly

region,

Atlas

Three had died

My

great-

whose beauty was legend-

grandparents had produced four daughters ary for miles around.

dead.

all

The

in their teens.

fourth,

my

grandmother, Yamna, married her neighbour, the handsome Abdelkader Chenna, whose land bordered on her family's.

He had to know about

kidnap her to her

resourceful,

who

was already

a

my

where

is

wed

that she

her, in true fairy-tale tradition. All

was

I

competent woman, modern and

a

liked clothes, travelling and driving. At fifteen she

mother. At eighteen she hosted

a literary salon in Syria,

grandfather had followed his regiment. At nineteen she

was dead.

My late

mother and her young uncle,

fruit

my

of

great-grandfather's

marriage to a black slave, were soon the only survivors of the

entire family.

generations uncle,

who

The corn-growing

made her

lands and gold amassed over the

a rich heiress,

although

less

wealthy than her

received the larger share of the fortune, in accordance

with Moroccan custom. She owned apartment buildings, an entire

district

of the old town of

town near Rabat.

My

Sale,

grandfather was appointed trustee until she the

money and

away bigger sums than he made. However, there was

By

when my mother came

my

her early teens,

father's officer friends

and

an ancient fortified corsair

came of age. Unfortunately, he mismanaged

able fortune

villas

a

consider-

into her inheritance.

mother was already very

who came

still

frittered

to the house

beautiful.

were not

Her

indifferent to

her huge black eyes, delicate face, olive complexion and prettily

curvaceous

wanted

little

to get married

Indochina with house. again

body. She was not averse to their attentions. She

My at

and have

a chestful

grandfather,

the mess.

a family.

young

at

officer

of medals became a regular

who knew him from

Charmed by

reputation for bravery

A

visitor to the

before, had

met him

the officer's intelligence and his

the front, he befriended

him home. Concealed behind

back from

a curtain,

my

him and

mother watched him

throughout the dinner. The officer was aware of her

13

invited

Httle

game and

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

He was

their eyes met.

admired him

My

doubdess it

magnificent white unifonn.

in his

new friend not to return to was moved by his arguments and

grandfather tried to persuade his

The young

Indochina.

(for

She

struck by the intensity of her gaze.

also

by

officer

his daughter's beauty.

was he) came

hand

to ask for her

A

few days

later,

in marriage.

was taken by surprise and, to be honest,

My

my

father

grandfather

response bordered on

his

irritation.

'Fatima

marriage

is

only

in

first

wife,

still

appropriate to think of

traumatized by the death of Yamna, his dearly

But

mother had greeted her him,

attributed to a series of early pregnancies

which he

close succession.

know

'Is it

at fifteen?'

Abdelkader was beloved

he protested.

a child,'

in

the end he gave

suitor's request

not yet, but she

at least

felt

in,

especially as

my

with enthusiasm. She didn't she had to leave

home. He

courted her assiduously.

She soon

There was

Muhammad Ain-Chair

in love with him.

fell

a

sixteen-year age

Oufkir,

my

difference

was

father,

in the Tafilalet region,

bom

my

between

parents.

on 29 September 1920,

which

is

at

the stronghold of the

Berbers of the Atlas mountains in Morocco. His name, Oufkir, means 'the impoverished'. In his family, there

for the beggar or the needy,

was always food and

who were

wilderness areas. At the age of seven, he lost his father, Oufkir, chief of his village and later appointed pasha

governor

shelter

plentiful in these rugged,

—

Ahmed

provincial

—of Bou-Denib by Lyautey, then Resident General under

the French protectorate.

He had

probably rather sad childhood.

a soHtary,

Berber secondary school

became

in

He

Azrou, near Meknes. After

studied that, the

at

the

army

his family. At nineteen he entered the prestigious military

academy of Dar-Beida, and

at

twenty-one he enlisted

second Heutenant in the French army.

as

He was wounded

reserve in Italy,

convalesced in France and earned his captain's stripes in Indochina.

When

he met

my

mother, he was aide-de-camp to General Duval,

commander of the French tire

of garrison

Hfe.

He was beginning to who frequented brothels

troops in Morocco.

He, the career soldier

14

MY BELOVED MOTHER

and gaming houses, was moved by the

innocence of

childlike

his

He

immediately show^ed himself to be gentle and consid-

Muhammad

Oufkir and Fatima Chenna were married on 29 June

betrothed. erate.

They moved

1952.

into a very simple

My

Captain Oufkir's modest pay.

mother: he taught her in society. as officer's

My

With

how

to dress

house, in keeping with

and

how

behave

to

to

my

at table

and

Pygmalion

the dignity of her sixteen years, she took her role

all

They were happy and madly

wife very seriously.

who dreamed

mother,

little

father played

in love.

of having eight children, immediately

became pregnant. was

I

My

bom

father

on 2 April 1953,

was wild with

joy.

It

didn't matter that

the apple of his eye, his Httle queen 'queen'). Like

my

They were not

My

come.

to

sister

in

my

mother, he wanted above

else to

all

a girl, is

was

I

Arabic for

have

a family.

complete agreement over the number of children

father

wanted

Two

to stop at three.

years

my

later,

1955, and three years after her

A

brother Raouf, on 30 January 1958.

was given to celebrate the birth of the I

was

I

(my name, Malika,

Myriam was bom, on 20 January

came

run by nuns.

in a maternity hospital

memorable party

boy.

first

have nothing but happy memories of my early

years.

My

parents

on me, and my home was peaceful. saw little of my He came home late and was often away. His career was progressing rapidly. By 1955 he had risen to the rank of major in the French army, when he left to become King Muhammad V's chief lavished love

I

father.

aide-de-camp,

back from

after playing

exile.

By

an instrumental role in bringing the King

the time

Muhammad V

he had become head of the police. But

me.

When

his affection for

loved me. His absences didn't

her.

centre of my world was

She was

my

beautiful, refined, the

a

affect

mother.

in

I

as to

I

the

how

me. loved her and

enough

to

I

admired

make me

happy.

I

shadow. She loved the cinema and went nearly

From

the age of six

trips to

the cinema at

every day, sometimes to two or three showings.

months,

no doubt

model of femininity. Smelling her

fragrance or stroking her skin was

followed her like

was

I

he was home, he showed

depth of

much he The

died in February 1961,

went with her

in

my

carrycot.

15

These

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

such

a

young age probably

me

She took

She wanted with the

a Httle girl

with

on shopping

dress,

do her

the

around me.

father

My

who was

through her

buy

was

I

when

had to get

I

and outline her

we were

practically the

spoiled, dressed like a

sHghtest

Money sHpped

bored by material possessions.

Dior or

and would spend twenty or

St Laurent, her favourite

thousand francs

thirty

at

the

whim.

we moved from

Allee des Princesses

there were orange,

few years was

another viUa

whom my

later,

now

when

I

—

opened onto

villa

house to the aptly

little

avenue

lemon and mandarin

shghtly older cousin,

who

—

the captain's princesses'

of Rabat. The

dential district

father,

Geneva and La

in

She was capable of selling an apartment block to

fingers.

In 1957,

named

princess

little

mother was styHsh and extravagant, urdike

herself the entire collection of

couturiers,

A

horseriding

trips,

hair

most elegant boutiques: Le Bon Genie

Chatelaine in Paris.

my

alas,

age.

Life revolved at

art.

pemi.

danced with her to the wild rock music of our

I

shared idol, Elvis Presley. At those moments,

same

a

O'Hara. But,

Scarlett

suffered agonies

I

watched her

I

me

pretty hairdo flopped.

and to the Turkish baths, where

eyes with kohl.

hke

to visit her friends,

undressed in public.

passion for the seventh

and asked him to give

ringlets,

my

gust of wind,

first

went with her

I

my

explain

to her hairdresser

trees.

a I

in Souissi, the resi-

wild garden where

played with Leila, a

mother had adopted.

no longer

lived with

built, again in the Allee des Princesses.

her

family,

Minister of the Interior to King Hassan

had two more children, Mouna-Inan,

who changed

my

name

to

Maria

bom

in prison,

My

II,

parents

my had

now

on 17 February 1962,

and Soukaina,

a

year

later,

on 22 July 1963.

My

family was very close to the royal family.

My

parents

were the

only outsiders allowed to enter the Palace and wander around

My father,

chief of Muhammad V's aides-de-camp, had

of the old king, and

my mother

had

known

won

freely.

the trust

the sovereign since

childhood. Before her father's second marriage, she had lived in

Meknes

for a while, at the

home

of one of the King's

16

sisters,

and he

MY BELOVED MOTHER

had been

a regular visitor.

the

girl,

little

developed

a

He saw

who was

Muhammad V eight at the

had noticed the beauty of

He had

time.

immediately

fondness for her that did not diminish over the years.

her again in 1952, during

his silver jubilee celebrations.

His aides-de-camp and their wives were invited to attend the cere-

mony. After

mother had her own privileged

mother became the

demanded

to see her daily.

The two queens were them on

enjoyed her company,

too principled to allow himself the

woman.

sHghtest ambiguity towards a married

My

He

trusted her.

man was much

this austere

my

father,

The King

access to the Palace.

but

my

that, like

who

of the King's two wives

friend

She became part of their cloistered world.

shut

clothes and cosmetics,

away

in the

My

harem.

mother bought

and told them everything

They were

outside, in the minutest detail.

was going

that

avid to hear

all

about

her Hfe, her children and her marriage. Rivals for the King's

from each other the

as

or

mother of the crown a

Oum

women

two

The

can be imagined.

Queen Mother,

who had

the

aflfections,

mother of the

Sidi,

as different

Lalla Aabla,

first,

Moulay Hassan. The

prince,

were

known

as

was the

master,

other, Lalla Bahia,

wild nature and was stunningly beautiful, was the mother

of the King's favourite daughter,

Httle Princess

Amina,

queen

in Madagascar in 1954, to the surprise of the

bom

who

in exile

had thought

she was infertile.

Whereas LaUa Aabla, accustomed was adept polite

at

to the intrigues of the harem,

the art of diplomacy, LaUa Bahia had

small talk and dissembling that

Caught between the two of them, compromise,

my

little

regard for the

were de rigueur

at

mother soon learned the

for at the Palace neutrality

court. art

of

was impossible. You had to

choose your camp.

Moulay Hassan, in a neighbouring

also called

after

and

them with

breaking the

fast,

his brother.

deference.

my

I

visit

crossed the corridor,

17

saw

as

did the I

was

evening during Ramadan,

friends. I

us,

Moulay AbdaUah.

Prince

One

almost master', Hved

mother was lying down

room, surrounded by some of her the house. As

Sidi, 'the

house and often came to

princesses, his sisters,

told to greet

Smiyet

I

in her sitting

was playing around in

a strange

man coming

out

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

froze in

my

She immediately prostrated herself before

this

of the kitchen. Overawed by

He

tracks.

smiled

'Go and

strange

her.

tell

I

here.'

man.

Muhammad

was King

It

imposing presence,

his

and kissed me.

your mother I'm

tell

ran to

I

me

at

unannounced,

V,

who

had dropped

He

he was sometimes wont to do.

as

see

her

told her he

had

in

to

taken the Hberty of entering the kitchen because he had smelled

something burning. The cook had

left

was beginning

had saved us from

I

was

The It

to melt. His Majesty

when my mother took me

five

King's

two wives and

his

all

women

from the harem

gracefully,

behind them the long

trailing

The

made me

around

strolling

of their

glittering trains

balconies along

walls. I'd

At one end, majestically standing on side rose a

mountain of

been presented

silver

gifts,

still

His concubines

cutlery.

a

huge room.

in their wrappings, that

with china sat

entire length

was the royal throne. To

at

his

had

and ceremonies or

At the other end of the room, style,

its

never seen such a dais,

to the sovereign at receptions

official visits.

King's table was set European

and

time.

first

think of an aviary of exotic birds.

and mosaics decorating the

during

it

blaze of brilliant colours and the incessant chattering

The room was enormous, with

one

burner and

a fire.

one of the King's dining

into

full

kaftans.

a

to the Palace for the

rooms, which was

of

on

concubines insisted on meeting me.

we walked

was lunchtime when

the teapot

in an alcove, the

plates, crystal glasses

feet,

on the brown-

carpeted floor, around oblong tables for eight. Their crockery was of the plainest, and

cooked

for

it

them by

was not unusual their

The Queen Mother

own

slaves

to see

onto

them serving the

dishes

tin plates.

presided over the table nearest that of the

King, surrounded by the concubines of the moment, those called in Arabic moulet naba, 'those whose turn

more an

air

heavily

made up and

it

is'.

They were

therefore

better dressed than the others, and

of superiority. As for those

who

exuded

had enjoyed royal favour the

previous day, or the day before that, they affected a disdainful, satisfied look,

and

noisily

chewed on gum

18

arabic.

self-

MY BELOVED MOTHER

my

clung to

I

Suddenly the room

around.

women were at

with

filled

someone

greeting

a

was dying to rush

I

Weaving

I

gHmpsed

the back.

I

thought she was gorgeous with her black

white

a little girl in a

dress,

my

olive skin

and

straight hair

and

in

with

huge

a

ringlets,

milky complexion and tiny freckles sprinkled over her impish

found

The

joyous clamour.

wasn't able to see.

I

legs,

out of their

bow

mother's kaftan in awe, but

face.

I

extremely ordinary in compar-

ison. I

was relieved to see

Why

puzzled.

was she

my own

of

a child

entitled to

we

introduced to each other, and

age

much

so

kissed shyly.

Then

was Princess Amina, known

this pretty little girl

but

at last,

We

attention? I

as

was

I

were

discovered that

LaUa Mina, the

cherished daughter of the King and Lalla Bahia.

Then

entrance from the

left,

in accordance

turn to greet him,

my

mother

He

him.

gave

me

a

The

slaves served the

As soon

as I'd

kissed

hug and

simple

everyone flocked to the

bitten

my

down

a shriek shattered the I

down

sat

few mouthfuls,

a

I

I

at his.

filed past.

sHpped away to perfectly.

harmony. The Princess had savagely

ran back sobbing, trying to catch

of sympathy,

alone

moment, we got along

me

eye. Embarrassed, she discreetly signalled to at this lack

few kind words. Then

meal and the most exquisite dishes

gulped

forearm.

said a

and the King

tables

play with Lalla Mina. For a brief

But soon

Muhammad V made his with custom. When it was her his hand and introduced me to

commotion. King

there was a fresh

then rushed

my

mother's

to be quiet. Indignant

at Lalla

Mina and sank my

teeth into her cheek.

Now

it

was the

court rose.

I

felt

Princess's turn to a

howl

so loudly that the entire

menace hovering over me,

gathering was going to advance on

me

as

if

the

and attack me. The

entire

Uttle girl

sought her father's eyes, but in vain. So she rolled on the floor and

screamed even louder. Ashamed,

The King intervened

at last.

I

He

took refuge in

me

picked

my

mother's arms.

up and asked

me

to

tell

and

bit

him what had happened. 'She insulted

my

father,'

I

sobbed,

'so

I

insulted her father

her cheek.'

The

court was shocked

at

my

words, but the King thought

19

it

was

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

He made me

very funny.

Then

the Princess and

repeat the sacrilegious insults several times.

were

I

we

up, but

split

carried

on darting each

other defiant glances.

Muhammad V came

At the end of the meal,

you something

'Fatima, fni going to ask

he

said.

can think of no-one better

'I

Mina, than your daughter.

Lalla

promise you that you

will

be able to

you

that

my

mother:

can't refuse me,'

playmate,

as a

would Uke

I

over to

as a sister for

But

to adopt Malika.

come and

see her

I

whenever you

wish.'

Adoption

common

was

the

at

adopted orphans, impoverished girls it

came

was

to court at adolescence to

rare for a child

adopted by

concubines

Childless

Palace.

earthquake victims. Other

Httle girls,

become

ladies'

companions. But

sovereign to become, Hke me,

a

almost the equal of a princess.

Doubtless

Muhammad affection, to 1

all

those years spent

become

want

didn't

to

kidnapping.

bundled into

I

part

of their

at

filial

my

to

II,

relationship

the Palace,

I

had with

ambition and strong strove to

I

win

their

and make myself indispensable.

lives

remain unnoticed.

What happened a

the privileged, almost

V, and later with Hassan

During

will.

owe

I

next

is

a blur in

remember

a car

my

my

mind,

as if

mother leaving

and driven to the

were the victim of

I

hurriedly, then

Yasmina where

Villa

I

Lalla

was

Mina

lived with her governess, Jeanne PJeffel.

Tearing life.

I

me away

cried,

parents

did?

sniff

never spoke to

Did she open the door

my

my

feet.

room and double-locked

me

explanations, I've forgotten them. I

clothes, did she

sit

on

me away from The governess forced me

mother meant

screamed and stamped

into the guest

My

my

from

the door.

of

Did

tearing

this

my

I

sobbed

period.

mother cry

all

night.

If there

until

were

dawn,

as

my room from time to time, did she my bed, did she miss me? have never

to

I

dared ask her.

As time went despite

my

grief

by, I

this

loved

separation

my

mother

being away from her that each of her

few times she dropped

in to see

became something so

much and was

visits

was

so

accepted,

unhappy

a terrible ordeal.

me, she would

20

I

arrive at twelve

The and

MY BELOVED MOTHER

leave at two.

When

me

the governess told

The

night before one of her

couldn't concentrate in

ing,

I

bly.

At

half-past twelve

Mother was

begin.

room and stopped

I

there.

My

mother was

calmly? Weren't tears?

So

I

down

before going in because

face in her jacket

the ritual

stairs

would

to the sitting

could smell her perfume,

me.

to

I

buried

hanging on the coat rack.

on the

sitting

we

I

the

moment belonged

first

Why

sofa.

did she greet

me

with

a

would check myself and

kiss

her

But then, during

frostily.

me

yet for

table, the

from talking

which

I

governess

to her.

words, following the I

I

was

still

showered her

starving.

monopoUzed my mother and prevented

didn't eat.

I

movement of her

watched lips.

I

her, drinking in her

took

could and replayed them every night before

soHtude of my room. her youth. LaUa

I

became

Mina admired her too and

My home

less

frequent and

was no longer

Palace of Rabat.

I

in as

many

details

falling asleep, in the

was so proud of her beauty, her elegance and

But the minutes ticked by and visits

I

1

thousand gestures of love and affection that had become

At the

as

hand and stroke her forearm.

furtively kiss her

foreign to

me

so

supposed to be reunited amid heartbreak and

the few minutes the governess allowed us to be alone together,

would

it.

morn-

The hours dragged by intermina-

class.

galloped

I

that followed

couldn't sleep. In the

I

came out of school and

Je Reviens, by Worth. That

my

visits,

my joy

she was coming,

was matched in intensity only by the immediate pain

Uved

I

had

I

felt

that filled

me

with joy.

to leave for school again.

more and more

distant

from

in the Allee des Princesses, but at the a cloistered existence,

Her her.

Royal

never seeing beyond

the Palace walls and those of the other royal palaces

where we were

taken for holidays. I

saw the Hves of

others, real

life,

through the windows of the

magnificent cars that drove us from one place to another. Ufe was luxurious and protected

—

from the world

another century, another mentaHty, other customs. It

took

me

eleven years to escape from

21

it.

it

My own

belonged to

THE KING'S PALACE 958- 969

I

I

DURING THE REIGN OF MUHAMMAD V The King

didn't

want

his favourite

daughter to be brought up in the

confined atmosphere of Sidi (the Master)'s Palace. Yasinina done up for her. children, shielded

from the

of the world,

stories.

The

pleasantly large, white to Zaers.

ness, lived.

There

was taught the

Mina and Jeanne

Lalla

Their apartments were on the

grand piano, the dining room, the Mina's

room next

was decorated

in a

to that

realm art

of

ground

the

number of toys, toys, dolls

and

our private

TV

floor

to

Rieffel, her gover-

first floor,

together with

room dominated by

the

room, the guest room and

style,

with

chintz sofas

floral

and corner divans.

was

a

huge playroom

bicycles, billiards, miniature cars

filled

The house

with

a

vast

and garages, cuddly

their accessories, dressing-up clothes

use.

on

of the governess. The whole place

modern, comfortable

curtains, thick carpets

On

I

a fairy-tale

driven through the gates and

the kitchen, the bathroom, the reception

and

the Villa

house was ten minutes from the Palace

You were

main building, where

Lalla

He had

paradise for well-brought-up

a princess.

on the road the

a

brutality

of luxury, calm and beautiful

being

was

It

and

a

cinema for

stood in a splendid garden, with thou-

sands of different varieties of flowers

22

—-jasmine,

honeysuckle, roses.

THE KING'S PALACE

dahlias, pansies,

The avenues

camellias, bougainvillaea, sweet peas.

were lined with mandarin, orange, lemon and palm was

Princess's entertainment, there

a

For the

trees.

climbing frame with swings and

sHdes. Lalla

Mina,

who

brought back from her

own

school.

own

loved animals, had her

monkeys

enclosure where

and

frolicked,

zoo. There was a tiny

had sheep,

it

squirrel

a

pigeons and a goat. She even had

a trip to Italy,

behind the house, with looseboxes and

stables

a

riding

Also behind the house, there was a huge orchard with

hundreds of fruit

trees.

the Villa Yasmina.

We

own

even had our

The head

little

I

at

Madame Hugon

teacher was caDed

and our teacher, Mademoiselle Capel.

primary school

have fond memories of

Mademoiselle.

At

first I slept

room, near the

in the guest

year before the death of the King, two

Rashida and Fawzia, selected from

came

country,

that point

to the zoo.

into a

Two rooms opened

little

out onto

bedroom.

of humble

little girls

among

A

origins,

the top pupils in the

and to be brought up with

to join us

moved with them

I

Princess's

Lalla

Mina. At

house in the garden, next

a patio

with

a glass ceiling.

From now on I would share a room with Rashida. Our timetable remained unchanged from the time of Muhammad

V

to that

of Hassan

II.

Every morning,

at

around

would come over and wake

us up. First he

room then he would come

into mine.

took

me by

From

the feet and playflilly tugged

the outset he

made no

King adored

his daughter.

between

affection towards

He was

King

into LaUa Mina's

He pulled back me towards him.

distinction

me, displaying the same kindly

six thirty, the

went

his

the sheets,

daughter and

both of

The

us.

not very demonstrative, but from

way he looked at her it was clear how much he loved her. He was a constant and regular presence in our lives. He shared our breakfast and then stayed with us until it was time for school. He the

would come back around eleven

thirty, sit in

on our Arabic

class

and

then go off again.

We

ate in the

house under the supervision of Jeanne Rieffel, the

Alsatian governess after she

recommended

had brought up

his

own

to the

King by the Comte de

children. Rieffel

23

Paris,

was an authoritar-

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

who must

ian spinster

once have been very

blue eyes and ash-grey

awe

her and

of"

I

hair,

pretty: she

and held her head

hated her. She wasn't nasty, but she

about teaching or psychology. She ruled us with

was forever punishing us and bullying

us,

had

big

lively,

gracefully.

was

I

in

knew nothing

rod of iron and

a

because

it

was character

building, or so she thought.

*A person I

can

still

is

judged by

Madame Hugon,

with

by their learning.'

hear that menacing phrase, which she repeated to us daily

Teutonic accent.

in her

their manners, not

On

this subject

our head teacher,

she was constantly

who pushed

at

war

us to succeed

academically.

Muhammad V

He was

people. Every Friday,

at

great gate of the Palace

was

and

a

maintained moral

disci-

very religious, and was idolized by his

the end of the morning, he rode out of the

on horseback

to attend the

He wore

white jeUabah,

in the Palace grounds.

dress,

who

was an austere king

pline at court too.

a

mosque, which his

ceremonial

red tarboosh on his head. Slaves held a big velvet canopy

over him, to shield him from the sun.

surrounded by the

finest stallions

He

from

the beat of the Royal Guards' drums.

crossed the Palace complex

his stables,

The

ecstatic

which pranced

to

crowds lined the

avenues cheering their king. People were so devoted to him that they

would

fling themselves to the

ground

to collect the

dung from

his

horses. Lalla

soon

as

Mina and

would be driven

I

he appeared

we would

in the car to see

him, and

as

applaud him enthusiastically.

After prayer, he returned to the Palace in a horse-drawn coach.

This vision of the King on horseback was like something out of a fairy tale.

I

never tired of it.

Nevertheless, diversions were few and far

We

hohdayed

in

the royal palaces, in Fez,

mountains, or by the sea

was petanque tor

and

a

between under

at

Wallidia.

The

who

his chauffeur, a

decora-

had followed him when he was in

exile in

Madagascar from 1953 to 1955. After school,

him

Ifrane in the Atlas

King's favourite pastime

—bowls—which he played with

steward

at

his reign.

we

would go and cheer

on.

Lalla

Mina was

a

very spoilt child. While her father was

24

alive,

THE KING'S PALACE

heads of

which

from

state

up

piled

over the world sent her thousands of toys,

all

in the

that the governess confiscated

had designed an American decorated with kitchen and

all

his

some

Walt Disney

to give to the poor.

The

car especiaUy for her.

interior

was

cartoon characters and he had added a tiny

the furniture for a doll's house.

all

many

playroom. At Christmas she received so

and photographed: magazines from

all

We

were often filmed

over the world were interested

in the Princess's day-to-day Hfe.

Muhammad V He

ary 1961.

died suddenly

the age of fifty-two,

at

on 26 Febru-

died on the operating table during routine surgery.

was only seven years

mourning and the

but

old,

grief of the

remember

clearly

I

The morning he

Princess.

little

I

the Palace in

found her in our garden, sobbing among the flower beds.

I

died,

I

hugged

her lovingly, not daring to say a word. I

if it

felt

my

had been

Muhammad V

own. Wasn't she Hke

too

I

felt a

pang

affected

a sister to

because he had always been

my father and could lose my father.

But he wasn't I

Her sorrow

great compassion for her.

fair

me

me?

as I

deeply

as

had loved

and kind towards me.

the thought that one day

at

At the Palace everyone was dressed in white, the colour of mourning.

I

was only

customs, and

room was

—

'The King Five days II,

found

all

the aamara,

tambourins

Hassan

I

a little girl,

long,

is

all

the royal

the goings-on strange and confusing. In one the chorus of slaves rhythmically banging

narrow drums. Others chanted:

King

dead, long live the

later,

at

not yet fuUy acquainted with

they rejoiced

at

the age of thirty-two.

.' .

.

new King, room where

the coronation of the

Not

far

away, in the

Muhammad V's cofFin lay, his concubines wept noisily. On the death of the King, my mother naturally thought of taking me back, but the subtleties and sensibilities of the Palace always

My

complicated the simplest actions.

pHed

that

shown

my

mother showed

his father.

And

less

home would have imII

than she had

how Mina of my

besides, in these tragic circumstances,

could she have been so heartless

as

comforting presence? The time wasn't

Nor would

return

deference to Hassan

to deprive

LaUa

right.

the time ever be right in the years that followed.

25

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

Eventually

became

became

I

the King. If

my

home, was

it

more

the

politically,

commodity: the more

a

father

I

was used

happened

my

influential

father

pawn between him and

as a

me

broach the subject of bringing

to

way

because he questioned the

the

King was

raising

me?

Long

years passed before

could

I

insist,

my

on

own, on

my

wish to

go home.

THE EDUCATION OF A PRINCESS

When

he was

still

Mina

treat Lalla

Palace was in

crown

as his

a state

prince, the

daughter.

On

young King had promised

the death of

Muhammad

of uncertainty: would he keep

promise?

his

to

V, the

He

did.

The almost

remained unchanged and our

Princess's status

before. Hassan

as

morning or join

II

did not

come

prize-giving

We

sang,

our

at

we

us

came

little

danced,

ministers

and

—was

him

read poetry, recited surats

surrounded by

court. This special effort

his

sacred.

love for his Httle

in the

school.

we

in the front row,

sit

up

to the end-of-year

—

verses

the Koran, and performed plays in French and Arabic.

would

went on

lives

wake

us for breakfast or for our lessons, as his father had

in the habit of doing, but he always

been

to

He made

sister.

and the Princess and

it

Hassan I

—

his

for

—from

The King

concubines, a few it

was an

effort for

out of respect for his father and out of II

did not yet have children of his

had no hesitation

in

demanding

his

own full

attention.

We

slipped into his car at the slightest opportunity,

watched him play

riding with him,

and went on holiday with him.

We

We

golf,

went horse-

cheered him on

at tennis

even attended Cabinet meetings.

were two mischievous eight-year-olds

seizing any chance to

pomp of the Palace. we were woken up at half-past six. We

laugh and have fun, and forget the

As

in the past,

dressed, prayed,

made our

beds, tidied our

washed,

rooms and poHshed our

The governess would arrive unannounced and check that everything was impeccable. Around seven thirty, breakfast was served

shoes.

26

THE KING'S PALACE

in the dining

ing

room.

When we

by an escort drove us

eight o'clock a car followed

at

secondary school, every morn-

started

were recruited from

in the Palace grounds. Outstanding teachers

over the kingdom.

Half

came

The

dozen

a

to join

Some of the King's among the best Lalla

students

teaching was in French and Arabic, and later in English.

Muhammad

religion. Since

up

to educate the princesses

V's time,

brilliant that

rebellious

and

teachers,

and rather unruly

this

was reflected in

he entered the classroom, he his hand.

It

was

my job

back of the classroom.

my

of

loved playing

I

his

excelled.

I

And

I

The

classical

rush towards

Arabic,

was

calligraphy

Uked

also

we

burnous and hang

his

taught us

daugh-

tricks

Our Koran

grades.

insisted that

remove

to

He

favourite subjects.

which

pupil,

One

her brother Hassan

II

to hear

my

on

teacher, an II.

When

him

to kiss

gentleman with an aloof manner, had taught Hassan

elderly

my

had been customary

Rome.

appointed her ambassador to London and

A

it

Our

maths, languages

literature,

to the baccalaureate.

was so

Princess Lalla Aisha,

ters.

of

from each province,

Mina, Rashida, Fawzia and me.

curriculum included history, grammar,

and even

all

ministers also gave us lessons.

girls,

our group of four,

to the lycee

it

up

the

at

which was one

similar to drawing, at

him chant

the surats in his

deep, steady voice.

This holy

were

man beHeved

part of us, day

firmly in

and night.

I

He

spirits.

claimed that jinns

didn't believe in supernatural forces,

but since he seemed so convinced of their existence a

I

decided to play

prank on him.

One

morning,

I

took advantage of

a

moment when he was

the

at

blackboard and sUpped inside the clothes hanging on the coat stand,

my

wedged

feet

firmly under

coat stand began to walk. closer

I

He

its

feet.

When

started to shake

he turned round, the

from head

to foot.

The

advanced towards the desk, the more frightened he was, and

the louder he chanted verses of the Koran. Unable to control myself, I

He was convulsed with rage. who was revered by all, even by

burst out laughing.

humiliate a patriarch

The laughed

Palace had a heartily,

old man,

who

good laugh over

this

prank.

I

had dared to

His Majesty.

The King

too

even though he was disconcerted by the fury of the

accused

me

of not beheving in God.

27

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

I

legs

was

incorrigible, continually getting into trouble:

of the English teacher's

allergic

.

.

.

complained

to the Knig.

comments: 'disobedient,

My

sawed off the

who was

on the teacher

chair, set bees

Madame Hugon, our head

Each time,

I

teacher,

weekly reports were

went and

of scathing

full

rebellious pupil', 'clowns around', 'always

talking'. I

would

take

my

One '1

King while he was

report to the

my

there quaking, awaiting

day he turned to

I

stood

concubines:

his

They

don't understand.

eating.

punishment, speechless with dread.

tell

me

but

she's talkative,

can't get a

I

word out of her.'

knew me well. At half-past twelve, morning classes ended. The car took us to the golf course to meet the King. Sometimes we had lunch at the Palace, but generally we returned to the Villa Yasmina. While we waited for lunch to be served, we would go into the playroom; This was a precious time when would play the piano, or make sketches of all The whole room

burst out laughing: they

I

the film and music-hall

stars

The governess would

1

call

used to dream about.

around one o'clock,

us for lunch at

repeating the same old formula in her hateful accent.

'Go

do

to the toilet,

wee-wee or

a

and your hands. Hurry up, young

ladies

During the meal, we were made the language because that I

was an ordeal

for

it

was

.

.

to speak

Rieffel's,

German.

us.

I

we were

served

dreamed of

who knew

Lalla Bahia,

succulent dishes brought

allowed us to

to

about us

the

at

tagines,

my

once

them. She was so

taste

I

couldn't stand

but that wasn't the only thing

Mo-

The Queen Mother

weakness, had a

which was

villa,

soups, meatballs,

roccan pancakes and cakes dripping with honey.

and

botties

.'

me.

hated the insipid food

supposedly good for

poo-poo, wash your

a

all

sorts

of

week, but Rieffel never

sadistic that she

dishes to be presented to us at table and then order

would allow them

the

to be sent

back. Instead

we were

given meat salads and spinach gratin, boiled

and steamed potatoes sprinkled with and vegetables.

I

parsley.

I

hated the meat, bread

liked only the hard-boiled eggs

28

fish

we were

given

.

THE KING'S PALACE

and above

occasionally,

and purposes, mouthful.

I

all

loved Moroccan dishes. To

I

invented hundreds of ploys to avoid eating, and lived in

of being banned from watching films

fear

swaDow every

ate nothing. RiefFel tried to force us to

I

intents

all

as

punishment

for

my

misdemeanours After lunch

we had

we would

a brief

Around

for school again.

return to the Palace to see the King. If he was holding a

Cabinet meeting,

we

our

Rieffel.

ally

against

visited

Dinner was served

at

nine o'clock

at

we

sorts

all

seized the chance to

the

at

into the night. Otherwise

the

We

latest.

we had

or even to read,

Queen Mother, who was

Sidi, the

around eight o'clock

at

worked long

I

Oum

She would fmd

waylaying the governess and

time,

moment of freedom before setting off when our lessons were over,

half-past six,

of pretexts for slip

villa.

away.

During exam

we would go

to

bed

weren't allowed to watch television

to put the lights out straight away.

secretly listen to a Httle transistor radio that

would

I

kept hidden under

I

my

pillow.

From my bed, I had a view over the patio. I had chosen to be by the window so that I could look at the sky and the stars, which I found comforting. The night was my kingdom, my haven of peace. Nobody could disturb my thoughts. I escaped into a Hfe of makebeUeve, where

was

I

free at

last.

didn't sleep

I

thought of my mother, missing her I

a Uttle

was fraught with contradictory

much;

more each

feelings.

I

I

cried

and

I

day.

wasn't unhappy. LaUa

Mina loved me

like a sister

and

Queen Mother,

Lalla Bahia,

and the concubines lavished affection on

me

I

even though they were never demonstrative.

childhood, with everything

But

I

missed

Httle sisters

my

I

The King,

returned her love.

I

had

a

the

dream

wanted and more.

family terribly.

I

had learned of the birth of

my

through the Palace. Myriam and Raouf were complete

knew nothing about them, their Hkes and disHkes, their games or their friends. When, exceptionally, the governess allowed me to go home for the afternoon, the next few days would

strangers to

me.

be unbearable. only

after days

I

I

couldn't eat or sleep, and

and nights of secret

tears.

29

my

grief

would

subside

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

Twice

was able to spend

I

someone would come

few

a

days' holiday

me

to fetch

with them, but then

back on some pretext or other.

Mina missed me.

Lalla

Sometimes

He

brief

my

saw

I

father at the Palace, but

our contact was too

was not expansive, and displays of emotion made him

uncomfortable. But a look or a squeeze of the hand was enough to

make me understand

that

not being able to bring that

my

he loved me. Often

me up

I

was

me

Ben Barka

affair.'

had been stepped up.

I

I

at

learned a bit

lived in

in the world.

was barely aware

heard

I

I

had to grow up

had no idea what was going on

I

did not even understand the

around

I

fully able to appreciate his poUtical role.

such seclusion that

security

sensed his sadness

himself As time went by,

father was a very important man, but

more before

I

my

father's

I

that

name

crop up over and over again on the radio, without grasping what was

going on.

Above

all,

Whenever

I

was plagued by the urge to telephone

I

was anywhere near

Monsieur and

her.

lived in a

little

Madame

house

I

had to

try

mother.

and contact

Bringard, the steward and housekeeper,

the

at

phone,

a

my

Opposite

gate.

villa

it

was Monsieur

Bringard's office with one of those precious telephones. Sometimes

would

out of

slip

across the patio,

from her window.

many

my room

in the

without making I'd

a

I

middle of the night and sneak

sound, because Rieffel watched us

walk through the garden, skirting round the

guards stationed there, enter the steward's office and grab the

telephone, trembling.

During the 'On 29 October

day,

1965,

I

would contrive

Mehdi Ben

all

Barka, King Hassan

sorts

II's

of ways to shut myself

fomier mathematics teacher, leader

of the Moroccan opposition and founder of the Union Nationale des Forces Populaires,

spokesman

for the

French police

Third World, was kidnapped outside the Brasserie Lipp

officers,

was never seen

Souchon and

Viotot, and taken to a

villa in

in Paris

by two

Fontenay-le-Vicomte.

He

again.

General Oufkir, then Minister of the

Interior,

and Colonel

Ahmed

Dlimi, Director of

National Security, were accused by the French of being behind the kidnapping and killing of

Ben

Barka.

to the his

An

international arrest warrant

was launched

French authorities and was acquitted

in

against them.

absence to bfe imprisonment. In Morocco, he received

unwavering

Dlimi gave himself up

June 1967. General Oufkir was sentenced

loyalty to our person'.

30

a tribute

from the King

in

'for his

THE KING'S PALACE

away and

my

call

heard her voice

background,

mother. But then,

after

all

when

that cunning,

I

the other end and there were other voices in the

couldn't think of anything to say to her.

I

my

aware that

at

family had their

own

which

lives in

I

I

was painfully

no longer had

a

place.

Weekends

German

varied a

from our

little

lesson lasted

strict

schedule.

On

Saturdays, the

morning. The governess taught us her

all

language with the aid of frequent punishments and

who was mad about horses, went off to her stables go down to the playroom to draw, Hsten to music, Mina,

accordion or the drums. Like

we

Hked playing with

also

and

I

Lalla

would

or play the

everywhere in the world,

all little girls

and make-beUeve

dolls

Then

slaps.

tea parties.

entertained our guests in a prettily decorated hut, serving

them

We

leaves

in silver bowls. If it.

we had

We

enjoyed

a particular film the previous

delved into chests

characters.

I

went through

Music, Romulus and

After lunch

walk

for a

week when

Rabat. that

We

the

we had

to

I

the

would

there, the

Then

pop music

governess

of

available,

distance

we would

leave

from the Palace so

walk for two or three hours to get home, with the car

minute

give the chauffeur a

the radio. twist,

way

and wrote

then The Sound of

Every Saturday, and sometimes

some

off

and the escort crawling along behind

On

cast the parts

Musketeers.

King wasn't

would be dropped

re-enacted

in the country, to 'get a breath

fresh air\ at the governess's insistence.

during the

I

a Carmelites phase,

Remus and The Three

we went

I

of dressing-up clothes to create the

full

was always the director and

We

the scripts.

week,

made

I'd

wait for

us.

sensed that Rieffel had dozed

I

knowing look and he would switch on

my

favourite songs, rock

—anything but those us sing.

It

off,

awflil

German

was even more of

a treat

'n'

roll,

the

Lieder that the

because

it

was

forbidden.

Saturday evening was one of

shown

old movies. But best of

we were

allowed to watch

as

my all

favourite times because I

liked the Palace cinema.

many of the

without Rieffel censoring them.

On 31

we were

recent fUms

Saturdays during

as

we

There

wanted,

Ramadan,

the

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

kitchens

would

would prepare wonderful refreshments

eat

with the King and the concubines, watching films until

daybreak. Needless to

When a

which we

for us,

say,

on Sundays everyone had

Mina's father was

Lalla

Nehru had given her

aHve, Pandit

still

a Ue-in.

baby elephant. The animal was kept in the magnificent park of the

Dar-es-Salem palace, which was on the road to Rabat, surrounded

When we

by nature.

were

lunchtime to feed the ducks on the

The baby and

We

went

lake.

up the

He was

and began to

gentle

sHd under his

greatest treat his

was to

who

mahout,

But the elephant driver wanted

India.

Moroccan groom looked

a

left,

ill-treat

we

of bread

accompanied by

his back,

had come aU the way from go home. After he

crusts

him every day and our

to see

around the park on

ride

often used to go there at

elephant became our favourite plaything.

affectionate, gobbling

trunk.

we

little,

after the

to

animal

him. Provoked to the hmit, the elephant

He had

attacked his tormentor.

to be put

down.

Mina and

Lalla

I

were inconsolable.

Our horses,

among

love of animals was boundless. At the stables,

hved

a httle

of Ouarzazate

white camel, Zazate, given to us by the governor

when we had

visited the south

Alaoui, the King's cousin. This intelligent interested in

Moroccan

about the country

culture had

when we

with Moulay

man who was

been given the

task

and

httle

passionately

reached our teens.

towns, deserts and mountains. Before each

geography and

region of

my

Ahmed

of teaching us

For two or three years, during the holidays, he took us to

a lesson in

the

Thanks

history.

to him,

visit, I

villages

he gave us

discovered the

paternal ancestors, the sharifa, direct descendants of the

Prophet. In these deserts of the south, inhabited by the 'Blue Men',

was greeted even more

enthusiastically

They organized

fantasia

a

camel

in

I

than Princess Lalla Mina.

our honour, with

races,

trick

riding and elaborate costumes.

Zazate came to live with Villa

Yasmina

afternoons

I

stables,

us.

We

kept her in one of the

next to the Princess's

sometimes gave

in to Lalla

32

stallion.

stalls at

On

Mina and agreed

to

the

Saturday

go riding

THE KING'S PALACE

with

her.

preferred to

I

mount

me

Sometimes she asked

the camel, and

we had

great fun.

me

and challenged

to take a horse,

to a

race.

These were moments of intense happiness.

I

felt free, light.

galloping in the wind, feeling the branches brush

feehng

I

no longer belonged

restraints

or obHgations.

to anybody.

was

I

I

my

loved

I

had the

last,

with no

face.

was myself at

I

understand the joys of

starting to

riding.

For the holidays, other than

many

choice of the

we had

with Moulay Ahmed,

trips

palaces in the

the

kingdom: Tangier and Marrakesh and

now one

Ifrane, in the Atlas. It

was Hke

in the spring, or the palace at Fez, restored

by Hassan

II

of the most magnificent in the country.

The

place

loved best of

I

arriving in the

Snow

in snow.

Mina and

Lalla

Muhammad V wound

its

was

Haute Savoie region of France. The houses were of

red brick, just Hke in

were covered

all

I

We

White,

and

stayed in a huge,

way up through

it

up

delight.

six-storey villa

where King

A

twisting road

had lived when he was crown prince.

the pine forest to the royal castle, perched

on the summit and surrounded by done

in winter the mountainsides

threw ourselves into skiing with

a fairy-tale park.

Hke most of his

in luxurious style,

Hassan

had

II

palaces.

In July 1969, for his fortieth birthday, he arranged a performance

of Swan Lake on

Ifrane's lake.

something out of The Arabian the

King organized

a

From

the

crater.

When

like

sight,

Nasser came to

visit

him,

big party in his honour. At neighbouring forest, there

we

In the winter

comfort of

was an unforgettable

Nights.

MichHfen, in the middle of the with a huge

It

a

was an extinct volcano

used to go skiing on

huge marquee erected

its

specially

slopes.

for the

occasion, Nasser witnessed the unforgettable spectacle of a horseback fantasia in the

At

went

Ifrane, after

middle of the

we went

crater.

panther hunting by helicopter

boar and hare in open jeeps.

aware that these were very

special

I

always

moments.

33

sat

at night,

or

we

next to the King,

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

THE PALACE

LIFE INSIDE

The

Palace was our world, our favourite playground.

of racing

down

slipping in

wherever

harem or the cheeky

we were

face grin.

around

never tired

exploring the alcoves and patios,

corridors,

allowed, into the King's apartment, the

Mina would open

kitchens. Lalla

httle

mischievous

the

We

and

it,

I

door and poke her

a

would venture

with

in too,

People caught sight of us, they called out to us

we were pampered,

kissed,

made

of and

a fuss

a .

.

whim

our every

fed,

.

satisfied.

The Royal Rabat

itself

Palace was surrounded by walls

were the

Originally, they

—

where the horses were tethered

A

the

its

little

old

the city of

as

word Rabat means

'tethered'.

The complex included

road ran from one side to the other.

mosque with

as

walls of the ancient stables

mausoleum, the married

the

slaves' quarters, the

headquarters of the Department of Protocol and of the Royal Guard

my

and, a Httle further, the garage, one of

the King's superb collection of cars was lined up.

onto the Palace, which was hospital, golf course,

big

as

A

huge gate opened

with

a city,

as

I

own

its

steam baths, lycee, souks, playing

big zoo which the Princess and

where

favourite haunts,

fields

private

and the

visited so frequently.

Several massive, opulently decorated buildings linked by endless corridors constituted the hving quarters.

of Hassan

II,

who was

forever

the fancy took him, that of

These comprised the palace

moving from one wing

Muhammad

to another as

V, too big and

our hking, the concubines' palaces where each had her ment, and those built by the

The

king for

Oum

Sidi

and

own

We

always ran

down

and do. Each queen had

Lalla Bahia.

them, for there were so cinema, a

a

for

apart-

passages that led to the queens' palaces stretched for

kilometres. to see

late

gloomy

many

two

things

summer garden and

a

winter garden, and ItaHan salons decorated with exquisite frescoes.

The windows overlooked the

a

huge patio

swimming pool which took up

Lalla Bahia,

whom we

called

poster bed draped with white

the

a

whole

Mamaya, silk.

thousand metres square and esplanade.

slept in

an imposing four-

In private, she often

wraps and mules with bobbles that emphasized her tiny

34

wore

silk

A

real

feet.

THE KING'S PALACE

Hollywood

Star.

She spent hours

crammed with beauty I

her white marble bathroom

in

products.

loved watching her smear Nivea onto her

wiping

then spend ages

face,

off with piles of fine white cotton towels specifically for

it

'My

that purpose.

would

she

girl,'

cream, even the most expensive, perfect milk-white

say in her sensual voice,

as effective as this.'

is

knew what

complexion, she

'no

Judging by her

she was talking

about.

Mina and

Lalla

room, looking

at

I

on the

spent hours sitting

King and

Mamaya was ter.

Oum

his sisters'

Muhammad

I

V's exile and

weddings, birthdays and anniversaries.

neither maternal nor demonstrative towards her daugh-

Sidi

showed

the

affection but she could also

Mother;

drawing

her photo albums which traced the history of the

royal family: the births of the princesses, return, the

floor in her

Princess a lot

little

be

strict.

I

more warmth and

was very fond of the Queen

admired her bearing, her haughty

and her

restrained,

the kitchens to gorge ourselves

on every-

air

reserved personality.

We

often used to

visit

thing that Rdeffel forbade us to eat

at

the

villa.

Or we would

career

along the endless corridors that led to the concubines' apartments or the slaves' quarters. Slaves,

Rabat

for generations.

bought from African still

known

They

as aabid,

have Hved

are the descendants

slave traders.

serve the King, in each of his

at

the palace in

of the black

slaves

Their great-great-grandchildren

Moroccan

palaces.

They belong

to

the royal family but are free to marry outsiders and leave the Palace if

they so wish. In practice, they rarely do

so.

According to custom, whenever there was Palace,

around forty

slave couples

They would then go and Hve

a royal

wedding

would be married on

the

ment, had

'fire slaves',

in the married slaves' quarters, in

whose job was

a specific duty.

The

able servants at their master's

rest

the

the same day.

houses built specially for them. Their children in turn became

Only

at

little

slaves.

to administer corporal punish-

formed an army of interchange-

beck and

call,

paid a pittance.

Some

answered to the King's wife, others to the concubines, and others

depended on the King himself

The women worked

in the

kitchens,

35

did the

housework and

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

were nannies, seamstresses and even

ironing, and

The men were

bines.

in charge

third-class

of the garage, waited

at table

concuor kept

watch, Uke stone statues, in every comer of the Palace, or in the niches of

countless corridors.

its

The unmarried and widowed slaves They hved alone, or shared

hved

inside the Palace, in a special wing.

little

alcoves closed off by curtains called koubas,

avenue

in the

open

They cooked

air.

on

either side of an

the best dishes in the Palace,

over calor gas stoves. Despite their paltry means, their koubas were

were always immaculate.

spick and span, and they themselves

All day the slaves listened to oriental

radios with the

volume on

which created

station,

a

full.

They were

appeahng to our weak

call us,

'LaDa Mina, Smiyet Lalla,

pancakes

tuned

all

come

our attention, they

attract

spot: .

.

.

I've

made

a tagine, lovely

.

hashisha, hashish

jam, cooked for hours in

saucepans over calor gas stoves. Sometimes I'd to share with Lalla

Mina

and

in secret,

steal a

we would

pot from them

giggle hysterically

Mountains of shoes piled up outside the concubines' doors, Palace everyone

went barefoot on the

shoes before walking

On my

arrival at the Palace,

knew

all

those

I

off your after-

women

had been adopted by

I

well;

shared their confidences.

I

a

little

village

opposite our lycee.

Muhammad

witnessed the arrival of that of Hassan I

was admitted into

Muhammad

to live in an exquisite place that Hassan

them,

You kicked

always found those heaps of shoes comical.

I

sphere,

carpets.

for at the

on them, and put them back on again

V's harem. After his death, I

little

on end.

for hours

II.

same

in to the

.' .

Some would make

wards.

transistor

Dehcious smells of

striking stereo effect.

cooking wafted from their koubas. To

would

music on their

II

their private

V's concubines

had

went

built especially for

of white houses surrounded by gardens, just

They had

their

own swimming

pools, souks,

steam baths, a private hospital and a cinema. They continued to serve the

new

sovereign, giving

an important

Hassan

II's

role,

him advice and supporting him, and played

whatever people say to the contrary.

concubines were very young

36

girls,

chosen from

all

over

THE KING'S PALACE

The eldest were not yet seventeen. They were clumsy, awkward and uncertain, not knowing how to behave. They were instaUed in the former apartments of Muhammad the country for their beauty.

V's concubines.

They were immediately taken taught

them about

secrets

as

women,

the sexuahty

for

were passed on from harem

became Noor Sbah, 'Hght of dawn', or Shem's Ddoha, King

After their training, they were married to the

or four, in his palace

amid sumptuous

Fez,

at

enthusiastically joined in the

classes.

teases,

'setting sun'.

in groups

festivities

of three

where

I

full

of hope, not yet embittered

strife.

added new concubines to

II

of the Seventies, around forty in

dressing

classes,

dancing and singing. The King was

happy. At that time he was an heir

so wives.

a

names were

to harem. Their

changed. Fatihas and Khadijas, often daughters of the low^er

Hassan

of

not like that of ordinary mortals. Jealously guarded

is

by poHtical

who They

Palace Hfe, etiquette, tradition and habits.

prepared them for their Hves

concubine

hand by the older women,

in

all,

his

harem

until the

who joined

beginning or

his father's forty

They followed him everywhere around

the Palace, from his

room to the Turkish bath, the hairdresser's and to gym They formed cliques: the older women, the plotters, the the smutty ones

the playfiil ones,

attract his attention, to

succeeded,

was

it

a

be

his favourites

—

triumph

.

.

.

aim was

their

of the moment.

until, that

When

another clique

is,

to

they

won

his

favours and they were cast aside Hke yesterday's fashion.

The most

highly regarded concubines had the status of childless

wife, for as a rule they

King's wife can give

were not allowed

him

heirs.

to

Then came

have children. Only the the housekeepers,

whose

job was to supervise the running of the Palace and to maintain the traditions that the

Muhammad V dress

him

King valued. had

a

concubine whose job

in his ceremonial costume, a

patio with a

a

room

at

on

feast days, to

II.

This special ceremony

the Palace comprising a vast white marble

bubbUng fountain

room were Hned with

was,

white jellabah and trousers.

After his death, she continued with Hassan

took place in

it

in the middle.

Three

sides

of the

—

koubas paved with brightly coloured zellige

37

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

—and decorated with

cushions and precious

mosaic

tiles

fabrics,

brocades and velvet. These kouhas were separated from the

by

patio

or velvet curtain. This architectural feature was

taffeta

a

silk carpets,

repeated throughout the Palace in Rabat, and in

the other royal

all

palaces.

On his

the days

when he

attended the mosque, Hassan

kouba followed by the concubine

who

Those of his wives

When he bum httle chest

on

a

wished were allowed

so

was dressed, the concubine

and dab

were rows of Httle

behind

That was the

bottles

and master.

his ears.

Then he threw

wad of cotton wool and

I

would always

steep myself in his

the

—amber, musk,

it

a

wad of cotton wool

onto the

floor.

passed

it

first

it

so

I

could

—

Hfe.'

the slaves' choir

rhythm of the chant.

It

—began

was forbidden

When

to approach the

end of Ramadan or the

would

sit

m

the

front of the kouba,

those days, aU the concubines

on

who

repudiated were allowed to throw themselves

tambou-

to beat their

mosque coincided with

On

up

others.

his hands.

chair.

hand

of their lord

that

to pick

to

chanting non-stop:

his arrival,

the aamara

II

concubines

from hand

King before he had washed

Hassan

inlaid

King returned from the mosque, the voices of the male

announced

rines to the

oils

mingled with

be the

try to

perfume before the

'May God give him long

Then

would

—which came from Mecca. The King would

to catch a whiff of the precious scent

slaves

of essential

signal for the scramble to begin. All the

fought over that

When

accompany him.

in charge of incense

few drops of the chosen fragrance onto it

costume.

velvet cushion of emerald green, the colour of the Palace.

sandalwood and jasmine a

to

would enter his

Another brought an exquisite

fragrant incense sticks.

In the chest

pour

who

II

was carrying

his return

from the

feast

a majestic

of Eid,

throne-hke

had been punished or at his feet

and ask

his

pardon.

Every evening, before dinner, the bath concubine washed the King's feet with soaps and perflimes, in accordance with a precise ritual.

Another concubine was

mony, which took place at all

wakes and

at

flinerals.

in charge

every

festival,

of the sandalwood cere-

every reHgious hoUday and

The sandalwood from Mecca smouldered

38

— THE KING'S PALACE

continuously in

precious engraved silver burner

a

filled

with glowing

charcoal.

The concubine which he threw

presented

little

pieces of sandalwood to the King,

into this container.

was then taken into

It

all

the

rooms, to purify them. The scent of sandalwood permeated the

Sandalwood powder was put

entire Palace.

sandalwood was burned in the

from room

room by

to

in the

vacuum

cleaners;

mbhehhra

oriental censers

the slaves. All the apartments,

—

carried

cars

even the Palace's inhabitants themselves were impregnated with

and this

fragrance.

who

Naima, the concubine very Uvely

girl,

'outsiders',

and

to guards

especially

had

men

to have any contact with

—from

gardeners and decorators

which she brought

had introduced

II

Muhammad at his feet, I

We

a tiny kouba that dated

He

back to

attended the session, sitting cross-legged

all

kiss his

stage

with great bursts of laughter.

hands; their skin was so

and the manicurist were French,

who

day.

of the afternoon.

a ritual at the close

commenting on every

would go and

hairdresser

coaches

V's day.

also responsible for

King every

to the

hands and scalp massaged in

his

Then

with

women

and members of the Cabinet. She was

the newspapers,

Hassan

held the keys to the outside, was a

the only one of the

soft.

The

were the two gym

as

gave the concubines lessons on the esplanade of their

palace.

The King was his wives,

always looking for

some of

whom

bicycles brought over vast corridors a sight

of the palace

at

entertainments to amuse

He had

children. States.

They

place with

brown

all

multi-saddle

For several weeks, the

Fez echoed with our laughter.

We were

file.

their training, the concubines, like the slaves,

green, grey or

of

still

from the United

pedaUing behind him in single

During

tones.

were

new

kaftans, decorated

with

silk

wore

bottle-

braid in matching

sleeves to the

elbows and held them in

huge widths of elastic. Around

their waists, another piece

rolled

up the

fabric, the tehmila,

was worn

confirmed concubines, they were

like

an apron.

at last

the colours of the rainbow.

39

aUowed

Once to

wear

they became kaftans in

all

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

The King took an on the belts.

He

decided

fabrics

and the

dress.

of the ceremonial kaftans, the colours, the

style

It

of their

interest in every detail

was wonderful watching the concubines swish around the

Palace, dressed in their brilliantly coloured outfits. Every

They were

permitted, from the brightest shades to the subdest pastels. graceful in the

up

way

hue was

they moved, wore their heavy clothes and rolled

their sleeves or the

hems of

their robes.

You would

think they

were dancing.

them always

Tradition required

wear

to

kaftans inside the Palace.

Outside, on the beach, on the golf course, horseback, they dressed in the

latest

at

on

the tennis courts or

European

were

fashions. Fabrics

brought in from Europe, and the King chose these too.

Whenever they windows

tained

bines

wore

musHn

huge Umousines with cur-

on

were

faces

gracefully concealed

to

Hassan

in Marrakesh,

go out with him, which put us

like

under

in a cheerflil

had the opportunity to go into the town with

rarely

were given

traditional jellabahs,

sent for us. Dressed

Nobody

announced

II

all

up

and horse-drawn

in a slave's jellabah,

recognized him.

I

remember

my

carriages

the King drove our

carriage himself In the medina, he haggled over the us.

the concu-

trips,

navy-blue jellabahs, which looked

were on hoHday

we were mood; we so were

in

veils.

that

We

—

palace to another or

special black or

When we

him!

—from one

round hoods. Their

coats with

dark

by car

travelled

gifts

he bought

deUght and our

fits

of

giggles. It

was almost impossible

the King, except official

Mother,

visit

on

rare occasions.

to Yugoslavia,

Oum

Sidi,

and

had provided us with

though

Noor

it

women

for the

a a

in the

go anywhere without

have vivid memories of an

I

early

Sixties,

few of her concubine castle

with the

friends.

outside Belgrade

Queen

Marshal Tito

which looked

as

belonged to Count Dracula.

Sbah, one of the most mischievous concubines, pulled a dark

stocking over her face and wandered

holding

to

a

candle and knocking

childish prank caused shrieks

at

down

all

the

the

gloomy

bedroom

of terror throughout the

40

corridors,

doors. castle,

This

and

THE KING'S PALACE

Mina and me, who had secredy followed

of laughter from

Lalla

At the end of our

stay,

gales her.

discreetly to

Italy

the

Queen Mother wanted

without teUing the King. But journalists were

waiting for us in Trieste and the incognito

trip

was shelved.

become more

In recent years, the concubines' caged regime has relaxed.

They go about

dows of

their cars.

and she has her

when

case

to sHp off

unveiled, and without curtains

Queen

own

cars,

Latifa

is

chauffeurs and guards,

she married Hassan

In the year that followed

at

the win-

allowed to travel around alone,

which was not the

II.

Muhammad

V's death, the King, then

aged thirty-three, was expected to get married. The most prominent

Berber family in the country sent two young beauties ins

—

to the Palace: Latifa, aged fifteen,

They were

who had But

two

it

girls.

and Fatima,

who

—

first

was

cous-

thirteen.

subjected to the same training as the other concubines

arrived at the

same time, from

all

the provinces of Morocco.

was already

clear that the

King would choose one of the

was not

a decision to

be taken Hghtly. The legitimate

It

wife would be the mother of the King's children, the mother, above

of the heir to the throne. For poHtical reasons, to maintain

all,

deHcate balance between the different Moroccan a Berber,

Uke

the monarchs' wives, Hke the

all

tribes,

a

she had to be

Queen Mother,

Lalla

Aabla, and like Lalla Bahia.

Fatima was

tail

and well proportioned, with white

skin, pale eyes

and

a

madonna-Hke

and

a

prominent nose, but she had huge brown eyes and luxuriant

hair.

had

face. Latifa

was

smaller,

with irregular features

She did not have her cousin's spectacular beauty, but she already a

very strong personaHty.

The two

girls

to be already

were

scarcely older than

women.

I

happened

to

me, but

I

considered them

be next to the King

received their family, one of the most distinguished in the

conducted himself with humility and deference, rather than a

monarch, confronted with these

did not bother with appearances. the

men wore jeUabahs.

like a

when he land. He

son-in-law

traditional Berbers

The women wore white

veils

who and

Their modesty and dignity and the simpHcity

of their dress seemed out of place in

41

this

Arabian Nights decor.

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

Fatima

head over heels in love with the King.

fell

prouder and

The King was not

choice.

the younger

make

demonstrative, waited for the King to

less

indifferent to the beauty

Only

girl.

aware of the

between the two

and freshness of

rivalry that existed

them were

those close to

The

cousins.

concubines tried to influence the King to choose Fatima,

heir

would

that she

would make

One

I

fall

took the

but

official,

initiative

this

older

who was

tried to force nature's

pregnant straight away.

the marriage

day, Latifa

'Sidi,

If

They

docile and easier to manipulate.

hand so

his

or to her passionate, spontaneous love. But he also

girl,

liked the charisma of the older

more

who was

Latifa,

The

birth of an

did not transpire.

and addressed the King.

will never agree to being just

concubine

a

in

he wouldn't allow her to be the mother of

your harem.'

his children,

she

added, she would rather go home. She was not belittling the status of a

concubine, or even the idea of sharing, or anonymity.

that Latifa

preferred

wanted

women

to

be

a

The King

mother.

with character to

It

women who

were too

pretty, tall,

and she

open her mouth. He chose

inspired respect without even needing to

Her cousin Fatima remained

his wife.

just

liked her strong will; he

Latifa had plenty of spunk. All of five foot two inches

her for

was

a

concubine

in the

harem.

These customs seemed natural

how

because that was

to

me. They didn't shock

was brought up.

I

I

me

was too young and too

ignorant to be aware that they were medieval. For me, the King's

wedding was ceremony. But

spectacular show, and

a I

was

thing that affected

The

my

also

very happy.

felt

pomp and

truly involved in every-

adoptive father, directly or indirectly.

Meriem,

who was bom

lavish,

quets

where we were served the

birth of the httle girl

Latifa

in

Rome. The baptism

little

celebrations

with days and days of music, dancing and refined ban-

were

bom

loved aU the

following year, on 26 August 1963, Latifa produced a

girl, Lalla

The

I

I

confirmed her

had four more children:

in 1964, followed

rarest dishes. Latifa

by

Lalla

Sidi

status as

Queen.

Muhammad,

Hasmma,

Lalla

was triumphant.

the

crown

prince,

Asmaa and Moulay

Rashid. Each time she was pregnant, the King was mthlessly

42

strict

THE KING'S PALACE

about her

She had

diet.

which meant

to eat healthily,

and avoid sugar and

bles,

He was

fat.

of vegeta-

lots

merciless and she was starving.

She was pregnant with Moulay Rashid when she begged me: 'I

want some

It

was not an easy craving to

du

coiffes

Now.'

caid.

honey, hence their name. At that time

came I

were

I

was

home and

for,

them on

home, but

I

likely to

who was an found out who

asked Achoura, our governess,

make

the pancakes.

When

she

she wanted to take a lot of trouble over

But

silver dishes.

Above

'now'.

still

all,

I

didn't

didn't have

I

want

much

out-

they

them and arrange

time; Latifa had said

to be seen, for the

King would be

throw one of his dreaded temper tantrums.

placed the pancakes on an ordinary plate wrapped in a simple

and returned

dishcloth,

avoid

bumping

to the Palace.

into anyone, but

I

I

Bed, saying smells

I

was going

came from the

for. I

dish

to visit the I

went

a

long

way round

soon found myself face

with the old concubines. They wanted to

was

living at

to visit the princesses and the concubines.

ran

standing cook, to

I

The Queen wanted pancakes

satisfy.

took hours to prepare. They looked Hke turbans dipped in

that

know where

I

to face

was going.

Queen Mother. Such

was carrying

to

that they asked

I

lovely

me what

it

claimed the pancakes were for Lalla Mina, but they weren't

fooled.

'Whatever you do, don't take any pancakes

Someone

to Latifa.

could be using you, they might have poisoned them without your

knowing, and then you'd be Their words brought

wanted curses

to

forget.

me

to

a fact

of Palace

life

that

and black magic.

And

indeed, a year

later, a

had

jealous courtesan

to poison Latifa.

concubines, especially the elder ones, were very pious

women.

Five times a day, for the five ritual prayers, they knelt on their silk

I

There, people were afraid of potions, charms,

was accused of trying

The

in serious trouble.'

home

mats brought to them by

Afterwards they would spend

a

a

slave

little

and prayed facing Mecca.

long time on religious devotions,

reading or reciting surats from the Koran. I

hated spending too

much

time with them, except to contemplate

43

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

Bahia's sublime face, prettily veiled with muslin.

Lalla

good Muslim.

I

pomp

and the

liked only the traditions

ceremonies, and there were plenty of celebrations

which Hassan

II

had updated to

The twenty-seventh tiny,

night

night of

dedicated to prayer,

is

God

suit

supposedly grants our wishes.

with the King in the Palace mosque.

and

front

was pulling

I

him growing

angry.

his sleeves to

show

me. But

The

faces.

We

would aU go and pray

of

feast

He

install

The

his

Sidi

but

I

could see at

annoyance. Then he would be certain to scold

me

doing

it

MawHd, which marks

again.

the Prophet's birthday, was

Huge wooden

platters

piled high with mountains of black zematta sprinkled with

icing sugar. This special dish reserved for baptisms

durum wheat

flour

cooked

gum

butter,

nutmeg,

toasted

ground almonds.

arabic, It

was made from

two days and mixed with melted

for

pure honey, cinnamon, sesame and

was absolutely deHcious.

early morning, the aamara could be heard chanting psalms,

accompanied by musicians playing the at

Oum

he would pluck

irritated,

celebrated every year in the slaves' quarters.

From

himself in the

King heard them and

tried to concentrate

Whenever he became

that didn't prevent

would be

been broken. That

played the clown.

I

Bahia couldn't help laughing.

Lalla

the Night of Des-

wives would kneel behind him.

his

guessed that

the Palace,

has

He would

Incapable of meditating in silence,

and

of religious

fast

the

as

at

a

tastes.

Ramadan, caDed

soon

as

modem

wasn't

I

lute

the end of the avenue and climbed the

overlooking the

their coloured kaftans.

Any

stairs

violin.

We

arrived

leading to a balcony

The women were decked out

quarters.

slaves'

and the

in

colour was permitted except black or

white.

King's wife, was the most elegant, and the most bejew-

Latifa, the elled.

and

his sister-in-law.

wore all

Her gems were by

tiaras

and

belts

most magnificent. The King's

sisters

Lamia, the wife of his brother, Moulay Abdallah,

kaftans with the

wore gold

far the

same motif

as his,

but in different hues.

They

decorated with precious stones, earrings, necklaces,

pearls in their chignons.

From our

balcony,

we

then witnessed the most incredible

sight. All

the sick slaves, the epOeptics, asthmatics and rheumatism sufferers,

44

THE KING'S PALACE

came out of the

and began to dance before

their koubas

rhythm of the aamaras

They would go

into a trance to rid themselves of their jinns, the

were the cause of

evil spirits that

swaying to

us,

religious chants.

all

A

their diseases.

slave arrived

They grabbed

bearing a goblet overflowing with prickly pear skins.

these skins with both hands, without seeming to feel the prickles,

kneaded them and rubbed

their bodies

with them, concentrating on

the afflicted parts. Others drank boiling water straight from the pot

without feeUng the

slightest pain.

Afterwards they never had any

marks on them.

MawHd ceremony

This

According to

palace.

Oum

traditionally Sidi, in

took place

Muhammad

at

Meknes

the

V's day even

more

dramatic scenes took place.

'We saw

injured slaves arrive

would

tell us,

palace,

Hassan

their axes,' she

who had

fractured their skulls with

Mina and

while Lalla

I

shuddered in

horror.

At the Rabat and

Latifa

trance too.

I

II

kept a tighter rein on the situation.

began to dance to the

But the King gave

his

we wanted

beat;

go into

to

a

wife a furious reprimand.

'Your rank does not permit you to behave Hke them.

You

are

impervious to the devil and possession.'

how the Palace explained who were bom into servitude, and

That was slaves,

had

and that was

their place

that. It

was

the world. Jinns attacked

spared princesses. Everyone all

and for

for the best,

all

eternity.

There were other festival, girls

festivals

that delighted us.

which coincided with the ripening of the

were allowed

to

first

Then every little girl would wait woman, giggling and larking about. For the water It

was

a

grapes,

when

wear make-up. The appHcator used

kohl line under the eyehd was

reach.

There was the Kohl

festival,

we had

dipped into

a

to

Uttle

draw

grape to moisten

in turn to be

to spray everyone

made up Hke

who came

a it.

a

within

very joyful day spent perched high up on balconies, or

hidden in dark crannies on the lookout for victims. The King had great frin

and

we were

often in cahoots.

45

He would walk under

a

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

balcony with that Lalla

his

wives and step out of the

Mina and

They would

rage.

could pour

I

off,

at

the

minute, so

last

bucket of water over

a

shriek and threaten to

of us would laugh our heads

way

do the same to

entou-

his

us.

The

three

and the others would eventually join

in.

loved Ashisha Ghadra, the children's

also

I

patio surrounded

by

We

nannies. rolled

up

dressed up in

to the

braziers, assisted

elastic like

and kitchenware were on

wasn't

a

great eater but he loved

little

grown-

the

Then

a small scale.

and

his verdict

making up

dishes himself that

dubious, but

we

we had no

The

tasted in turn.

all

We

choice.

had to

recipes.

He

room and concocted

often had a kitchen set up in the Palace dining

was sometimes

result

eat

it all

up, exclaiming

smiling:

'Sidi,

how

delicious!'

But he couldn't bear

Mina

a surprise if she

on weight. He had promised

us to put

managed

to lose her

puppy

Tangier she secretly went on a diet and told

He

ten of us

prizes, kissing the winners.

The King

and

the big

by our respective

King would come and sample our cooking, give

hand out

On

housewives' kaftans, our sleeves

little

elbows and held in place with

ups. All the crockery

the

would be around

koubas, there

cooking over tiny charcoal

girls

festival.

him

fat.

During

Lalla

a stay in

she'd lost four kilos.

kept his promise and told us he was going to perform Hatefa.

took up

his position

on the balcony overlooking

him, two slave concubines carried coins, rarely used,

Oum

Sidi,

worth

Lalla Bahia,

at that

Latifa

below with the two of shower

us with the coins.

Uttle

boxes

watching us crawl around on

fifty francs.

and the concubines were gathered

laughed until

all

with large copper

time between ten and

us in their midst,

He

Beside

a large patio.

filled

all

tears ran

fours picking

him

waiting for

down

When we'd

to

his face,

up the money. Most of

the concubines larked about, vying to catch his attention. silent for

He

I

kept

once, busily piling up the coins. the

King came down, he asked each of us how many coins

collected.

The concubines pointed

to

me.

'She's got the most,' they said, half laughing, half accusingly.

46

THE KING'S PALACE

He

me to show him my spoils. I opened my skirt, in which my treasure. There was a huge heap of coins. done well,' he said. 'But who are you going to give them

asked

I'd gathered

'You've to?'

them

'I'm going to give

my mummy.'

to

My answer irked him a little. He

couldn't bear being

left

out.

Sadly for me, RiefFel confiscated the coins. 'You're too

At twelve

was

young

we had

important

as

much money,'

to handle so

our

ears pierced,

Our

baptism or marriage.

as

she said.

during a special ceremony that initiation into the

world of women was celebrated with the chanting of the aamara and

Mina was

the ululating of the concubines and slaves. Lalla

afraid

it

me do likewise. But the King grew angry. He found me and made me go first, to set an example to his sister, whose cowardice made him furious. Then the women

would hurt too much and

came and congratulated

hid,

making

us with effusive embraces and ululations,

while the musicians banged their drums enthusiastically.

Muhammad

Whereas Hassan

V's Palace had been closed to the outside,

flung the doors wide open. Religious ceremonies were

II

King often threw

celebrated in the intimacy of his harem, but the

pubHc

parties to

dignitaries

We from

much

on

which he

invited high society, officers and foreign

official visits.

were always very excited

at

the prospect of meeting 'people

outside', strangers to the Palace, although

that

formed

we

want

didn't

to

mix with them.

a united front against intruders.

King

ance, the

sat in

behind him and the

During these

smile, the

We

When

despised

them

rest

so

stayed together and

there was a perform-

mother

the front row, his wife next to him, his

parties

and leading foreign

we

of us in serried ranks behind them.

and

figures.

official visits,

Nasser told

King of Jordan did

a bit

I

my

often

met heads of had

a lovely

at Ifrane,

and the

father that

of trout fishing

state

I

Shah and the Shahbanu of Iran and Baudouin and Fabiola of Belgium

came on

to say they didn't

At the

I

have

make much of an impression on me. Despite

their

official visits.

risk

of sounding presumptuous,

elevated rank, they were 'outsiders'.

47

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

we

Very occasionaUy

younger brother,

the King's in the

Agdal

district.

fluttering

with

film

and

all

his

We

all

me

and

our confidant and

a

they

his birthday,

to

we would

'n'

from

blues band, invite a

launch into a wild afternoon of

on the beach on

us motorbiking

a specially

of freedom that was only

always watched by dozens of armed guards.

his

in the

morning. He'd

bed, and we'd chat about this and that.

of clothes from

sweaters and bespoke

my

female hearts

He knew how

friend.

would sometimes go and wake him up

lot

on

year,

rhythm

a

track, giving us a brief sense

we were

entertain us

set

home.

He took

dancing and fun.

relative as

estate

advise and comfort us with great humanity. For our

friends over,

marked-out

Every

set.

entertainment he would bring in

few

Moulay Abdallah

Valentino,

the international jet

But he was above to us,

Lamia on an

dashing looks and his kindness. His circle included

his

converged on

listen

who

Moulay Abdallah,

visit

lived wdth his wife

rugged and elegant, with black hair and

Tall,

Rudolph

velvet eyes like

stars,

escaped from the Palace to

his

for

shirts,

mother's younger brothers.

wardrobe

my two He

also

—

suits,

uncles,

gave silk

Azzedine and Wahid,

me

gave

He

cashmere and

a favourite pair

of

sunglasses as a token of his affection. It

was

honour

a great

to

wear clothes

that

The King gave advisers and some of his

sovereign and his family. closest to

him,

home,

always found

I

his

it

strange to see

his

had belonged to the clothes to the

ministers.

my

father

On

men

returning

wearing

shirts

monogram.

bearing the royal

THE KING AND

I

Arguments frequently broke out between the concubines. There were countless the flames

factions,

when

a quarrel

was

over something stupid with a spiteful tongue.

'Who do you 'I know who

I

women were quick to add fuel to got into a row in the air. One day concubine who was known for her

and aU the

asked her

I

fliriously:

think you are?' I

am,' she retorted haughtily.

48

'I

am

Sidi's

concubine.'

— THE KING'S PALACE

'So what?' I

Tm his daughter.'

retorted.

I

very close to the King.

felt

He was

authoritarian and

When

kissed his

I

hand

my

he understood

of submission,

as a sign

he pressed

my

to

it

hand

his

gesture and that

Mina, the King and

Lalla

second

as a

father.

respected him, but he was also accessible.

I

turn his palm over and press affection. In return,

considered him

I

I

would immediately to

to

show

that

reciprocal.

had great fun together,

I

my

demonstrate

my mouth

to

was

it

lips

especially during

the early years of his reign, before the birth of his children.

sometimes spent entire evenings with us I

would

unison.

We

had

set

it

Lalla

up

Mina

had wanted to learn

idea.

At the time

thought

it

Lalla

ballet

all

sing in

drum kit would bang on

for her

I

his sister.

but the doctors were opposed to the

Mina was only seven

and they

years old

accomphshed

rider, like

went near

time

I

book

to avoid the

The day

King wasn't

my

horse.

my

my

a horse,

I

was

as

torture.

would pretend

fooled.

to

So

he himself was. But each I

tried every trick in the

to have a fever or diarrhoea, but

would engineer

I

leg.

I'd

a spectacular

fall

from

kill

herself

she must get back

me

sweets after the doctor had seen me. ruses,

but he was intransigent.

on horseback,

on again

I

don't care. But

I

a

that

we were

falls off,

going to the royal

Frenchman who managed the

officers.

she

could be so cowardly.

Temara, around twenty kilometres from Rabat.

of

if

once.'

at

He didn't understand how One Friday, we were told Colonel Laforet,

my

be rushed to the Palace hospital, where the

The King heard about my

staff

make me an

faked unconsciousness or screamed that I'd broken

concubines would bring

'She can

and

father,

it

He wanted

hated

I

torment of the riding school.

before,

the

I

revolved around them.

life

arranged for us to have riding lessons, which

because they were imposed on me.

whole

the big

might impede her development. Besides, the Princess had

The King

at

which we'd

to ask for a

only one passion and that was horses. Her

arm or

the Villa Yasmina.

in the playroom.

drums while the King danced with I

at

the piano and play old songs

had persuaded

I

birthday.

sit at

He

The women

49

follow^ed,

We

stables

rode with

stables,

and

wearing riding gear

a

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

jodhpurs, boots and hard

weren't

as fast as

They took a

our

little

they

hats:

us to the riding school. All the King's horses waited in

realized immediately that

me

giving

men, but they

like

group.

magnificent Hne. At the end stood

made me

mounted

it

a ridiculously small

was meant

donkey.

I

me. Nothing could have

for

The King thought he would humiliate me by mount while the court paraded around

happier.

such a ludicrous

on the splendid

stallions.

'That's for you, scaredy-cat,' he said. I

I

found

it

my

hard to conceal

can't remember why, but

I

reUef But the day ended in

was locked

two hours, which caused me untold

We

day,

walked

past.

'Take

I

them

was wearing only off,'

he ordered

Covering myself up

My

attitude

this

female universe.

But

I

refused.

might see

We there, riots

It

the pool

a Httle pair

meant

meant

me

I

when

the

King

of panties.

that

was

I

afraid

of male eyes.

man

allowed into

His Majesty, the only

to

that

disobedience earned

himself. In tears,

his

severely.

to bathe

was hurtful

in

I

had something to be ashamed of

was eleven years old and, King or not,

My

sulphur springs,

there to take the waters.

was clowning around

I

its

The King and

an excellent cure for rheumatism and asthma.

One

good

terror.

often used to go to the Fez spa, famous for

concubines would go

disaster.

in the stable cellar for a

me

a slap.

I

was very modest.

He yanked my

I

panties off

stayed in the pool until nightfall for fear

someone

naked.

visited Casablanca less often.

The King

nor did he Hke the town, which was

a

didn't

Hke

symbol, in

his palace

his eyes,

of

and disturbances. Nor could he stand the humid climate, which

irritated his

chronic

We

sinusitis.

would

stay in his father's villa

and

bathe from the private beach. There, everyone was naked, including the

King and

all

his wives.

eventually got used to taking

I

my

clothes

off in his presence. In the villa in Casablanca

I

his royal palaces, there was a

their wrapping.

to steal at least

had discovered

a

room where,

mountain of unopened

as in all

presents,

still

in

The King never had time to open them. I was dying one, not so much to possess it, but out of curiosity. It

50

THE KING'S PALACE

was the afternoon and everyone was having attempted

theft,

onto the marble

King

was

floor. It

among

my

a

my

During

nap.

few packages and they

a

clattered

room where the cough that I would

misfortune that the

He had

was nearby.

lay resting

recognize

knocked over

I

a Httle

thousands.

froze.

I

'Where

He

is

knew

cast frantically

I

he asked, wide awake.

that devil?'

already

The

the answer.

about

me

squeezing inside the goods

'devil'

could only be me.

somewhere

for

to hide

and ended up

But then there was no way

lift.

By

out.

chance, he planted himself in front of it and asked the slaves, then his wives, to look everywhere for me.

Hidden

in

my

cubbyhole,

I

was turning into

It

was

petrified;

my

a

legs

game.

had turned to

and he showed no sign of budging. His people came back

jelly

empty-handed. Only then did place.

He

ordered

me

to

it

come

occur to him to look into

which

out,

I

my

hiding

This time

did, quaking.

the escapade ended in laughter.

But the King could be horribly Temara,

I

was given

special

a

stupid prank that Lalla

strict.

punishment

Mina and

1

At the age of

eight,

had played.

Two

in

some

called falakha for

slung

fire slaves

each of us across their shoulders, our heads and legs dangling on either side, while the king thrashed the soles of our bare feet with a

whip.

When ment.

It

them on

I

reached the age of

was the day his table

fun of me.

we

brought

received

I

home our

my

They knew my marks weren't I

first real

My

heart

I

put

who were making

briUiant

and that

pretended to laugh with them, but

very proud of myself.

punish-

school reports, and

before joining the concubines

likely to get a beating. feel

fifteen,

was thumping. But

I

I

I

was

didn't

tried to

look bravely in the King's direction.

He

held out his hands and the reports were brought to him.

leafed through Lalla Mina's,

up mine and examined

it

and then,

closely for

Then he looked up and asked

in a

heavy

silence,

what seemed

for the fire slaves to

like

He

he picked

an eternity.

be called

in.

His words sent a shiver through the assembly. All eyes were turned to

me,

fiiU

of pity for the punishment

51

I

was about

to receive.

The

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

me

King motioned me, and then

to approach.

He

signalled to the tire slaves.

on the

front of him,

three by the ankles.

King's orders.

me

held

by the

down

wrists

in

and

whip and awaited the

chief slave grabbed his

was up

It

the ear, lectured

was made to He

I

men

Three

carpet.

The

me by

grabbed

to His Majesty to decide

on the number of

strokes. I

was lucky

my

in

but he would not leave

strokes,

The King ordered only

misfortune.

punishment. Someone brought him

him down

my

to

Everybody held

You could

level.

anybody

to

it

hear

Latifa,

Oum

Sidi

and

sit

on, to bring

pin drop in the room.

a

their breath, not daring to speak or

had even forbidden

out the

else to carry

a little stool to

thirty

move. The King

Bahia to intervene on

Lalla

my behalf Amid strokes.

The

he began to beat me. One, two, then three

total silence, let

I

out a

little

cry,

then another equally feeble whimper.

third stroke intrigued him: he

had struck

me

so hard

should

I

He stopped, leaned towards me and pressed his hands on my buttocks. He felt a triple layer of fabric acting as padding. Knowing that wouldn't be spared the whip this time, had taken have screamed.

I

I

precautions and protected

jumpers.

was wearing

I

The King gave

my

bottom with nappies and woollen

a full skirt that

a cry

hid

all

these layers.

of rage. In the room everyone

laugh and in the end he joined in the general mirth.

myself at 'Sidi,

I

began to

Then

I

threw

his feet:

promise

I

won't do

it

again.'

At the Palace, everyone remarked on King.

else

The

entire court,

my

from the concubines

audacity in defying the to the slaves,

had heard

what had happened.

The

following week,

my

report was just

that was possible. The King said nothing

he asked

me

to

accompany him. He had

There was nothing unusual

him on

at

his errands, so

I

in his request;

wasn't on

Allee des Princesses, to the house

my

as

bad. Worse, even, if

the time, but a Htde later to

go outside the

we

guard.

often used to follow

We

where he had

Palace.

were driven

to the

lived before ascend-

ing the throne. I

loved that

villa.

I

felt at

home

there, especially as

52

we had

to drive

THE KING'S PALACE

past

my

house to reach

parents'

was so unprepared

me

ordered

He made me go

me

my

good mood.

why

I

King

the

scars

like that.

my

on

buttocks.

missed them

I

the King's feet

on the way

My

in a

cry with pain

would

parents

bitterly.

Head of Protocol took

my

King on

to talk to the

me

slaves dressed

made me

report was so bad that the

on me and promised at

room where

into a small

have the

still

I

Another time

himself

didn't immediately realize

I

received a cruel whipping that

I

never have treated

pity

in a

to get undressed.

thin jellabah. for weeks.

that

me

That put

it.

He threw

behalf.

to the golf course

and asked

him not to punish me.

The King looked at him frostily. 'Who do you think you are, daring to intervene on her behalf?' The poor Head of Protocol was convulsed with shame. He was crushed, lower than a worm. He was whipped in my place.

Nobody

escaped the royal punishment

deserved

it.

took such

With a

us,

it

was

his

when

into

two

to suit his taste, liking.

He had

pretty

a dressmaker

wardrobe from

her,

even attended the I

young

ladies

which wasn't bad

come

me I

fittings

to hitch

my

alas, a bit

skirts, I

he saw that

we had

too proper for our

and ordered an

entire

bras.

He

skirts.

but he was adamant.

The

chose fine woollen fabrics which

gates.

When

he was

of fifteen, he decided to dress us

but,

up the waist and secure

was outside the Palace

that,

In fact he

that

and decided on the length of the

pleased, without hindrance.

Hke

When

to the Palace

herrdine had to reach the knee. So

allowed

as a father.

complete with stockings, knickers and

begged him to shorten

minute

King thought they

Mina and me

paternal interest in Lalla

involved in every detail of our upbringing.

grown

the

way of acting

I

At

last

it I

under

a little belt the

could run around

as

I

gaUivanted along the corridors

everyone watched me, laughing

at

my

daring.

It

was

considered unseemly to bare one's ankles.

But

was the

this

Sixties, mini-skirts

were

our limited contacts with the outside world,

I

flicked through

when

we were

aware of these

the few newspapers and French

crucial sartorial details thanks to

magazines

in fashion and, despite

I

53

managed

to elude the governess's

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

watchful eye: Saint

and

copains. Jours de France, Point de vue

les

Paris-

Match. Latifa and the concubines dressed in the latest Western fashions

whenever they had the opportunity.

delighted in everything they

I

wore.

One

my

when

day,

skirt

I

was running down one of the longest

hitched halfway up

my

thighs,

couldn't

I

the tempta-

resist

on

tion to pause and admire myself in a big mirror hanging

Then

I

and pulled

began tugging

down my

'You can even make

Two

days

at

the fabric.

I

The King came and

felt

to

it

up

Then he ordered

A

first

very tight

one was

me

the

me

to try

the

in

to undress,

on some

woollen

a tailored

suit

suits

with

thick

it

was.

dresses.

room and watched me

It

was impossi-

He

signalled to

for a long time.

of very high-heeled shoes to go with the

a pair

concubine broke in saying that

wouldn't be interested in

me

a

from the dressmaker's hands

done with the woollen

down

were

skirt.

over, took the pins

as I'd

walk up and

We

and ordered

commenting on how

the fabric,

ble to hike

me

me

did with great reluctance. She asked

Fifties-style straight,

undid the

over,

into a kaftan if you want,' he said.

it

our dear dressmaker arrived.

later,

he had ordered. The

that

He came

skirt:

middle of dinner. The King called

which

the wall.

saw the King coming towards me.

I

In a panic, belt

corridors,

if

I

was already very

I

was

head

a

taller

tall.

suit.

Men

than them.

He

dismissed her views with a wave.

'High heels will exercise your knees,' he explained. 'They'll give

you shapely

thighs and pretty calves, like a

woman.'

A LONELY ADOLESCENCE Rieffel hated

men.

'They're monsters,' she en's misery.

would

say,

You must avoid them hke

'they are the root of

man, never be famiHar with male members of

individual of the opposite sex. In the car,

round and

stare,

and

I

we

a corridor

staff

with

or any other

weren't allowed to turn

was often slapped to punish

54

wom-

the plague, or cholera.'

She deluged us with decrees: never fmd yourself in a

all

my

curiosity.

THE KING'S PALACE

When we

had an opportunity to go into the centre of town, she

wouldn't allow us out of the

car.

These precautions to protect us from the devil were virtuaUy

Men were not allowed into the Palace, except for my father, who came only on certain occasions, Moulay Ahmed Alaoui, the useless.

King's cousin, and a dozen or so old bores hand-picked for their extensive culture, intelligence, sharp wit and devoutness.

At the

table,

they conducted subtle arguments over the King's

poUcies or launched into battles of wits citing the great Arab poets,

Hke

the court of the Sultan

at

Haroun

al

Rashid. Apart from the

who didn't count, they were the only specimens we encountered. Except the King, of course. But it was a man, a chief mullah, who gave us sex education lessons through the Koran. He taught us that women exist purely for and

slaves

servants,

of the opposite sex

seduction and submission, that their bodies serve satisfy

men's

desires.

He

and foremost

first

to

gave us a crude outHne of sexual relations,

drawing the vagina and penis with exaggerated precision on the blackboard. For

girls

of our age,

We

was deeply shocking.

this

been brought up in extreme modesty and to hear

a

man,

had

reHgious

a

leader to boot, talking to us about sex, especially in those terms, just

added to our confusion.

Nor could we

rely

on

Rieffel to soften the mullah's words. In her

We

view, the whole subject was taboo.

we had to pretend when was twelve, as it,

I

discomfort

as

'it'

didn't exist.

a difficult time,

weren't allowed to mention I

not so

much

nannies were in charge of teaching us hygiene

made of

how a

to

wash ourselves

Even

us.

comer and make

we were twisted

too.

in the presence

it

of

us take

These a

I

women

screamed.

how

Our

isolation.

—how to

period,

to

wear the

wash them, and

had complete power over

dozen people, they would take us into

down our

violently punished. until

cloth,

first

for the physical

of shame and

for the terrible feeling

protective sanitary towels

my

remember

Mine

Or

knickers, and if they

inserted a

she

key in

my

would pinch me

were

soiled

vagina and

in the

most

sensitive places, like the inside thigh. I

needed

a

mother or an older

sister

who would

could explain the changes taking place in

55

my

listen to

me,

body, reassure

me

who and

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

tell

me

about the joys of becoming

of

crucial point

young

a

concubines helped

me

they celebrated

first,

my

Now

entry into their cUque.

hearing or ask

I

got

at that

but their support was ambivalent. At

me

could under-

I

They would no longer

stand their conversations, feel involved. talking in

all

was cruelty and humiliation. The

girl's life

a bit,

my

woman, but

a

to leave

when

stop

they had secrets to

confide.

But two

woman

years later, their attitude changed.

of marriageable age,

had become

I

a potential rival to

young

a

the younger ones.

my body Our relations changed when was in a swimsuit, in the summer, at the palace in Skhirat, when I dressed Western-style or wore make-up. They didn't say They

imperceptibly.

scrutinized

I

made

anything specific to me, but

become

a threat;

What

had

right

remarks, goading me.

the King might choose

wish for

to

I

me

a better fate

I

had

for a wife.

than theirs?

I

don't think

the idea occurred to the King, but their jealousy was persistent.

I

was

tormented

a

mischievous, but

soul.

took was

all it

my

Outwardly,

me

governess

made me more aware

Mina.

Lalla

of

mother, and

I

a

whiff of perfume that

would clam

that

was

I

I

different

me

back the

latest fashions

to the Villa Yasmina.

to

for

and fetch them,

call in a

for the Princess,

and the

was

other.

you

the years,

that

my

At the Palace

are adopted, all

family of your full

wear them

dressmaker

suitcases

would

my

hair

1

you

Paris

and

governess

who would copy some

would

The was shown a are cut off

they can to

own. You

see again

day.

from

models

vanish.

unhappiness turned into a feeling of rebellion Princess and

are just

one

I

I

were fond of each

great deal of affection.

from your

persuade you

of anonymous women. But I

one

difficult to articulate.

people do

from Princess

The The next day she'd come

London, and had them sent

would allow me

that

day, the

frizzy.

mother brought

Over

Each

up.

wasn't allowed to dress Hke her, or to wear

long because hers was

My

word, or

a

reminded

was smihng, happy, funny and

I

that

past,

But when

from your

roots;

you no longer have

a

one among many. The harem was had

day.

56

a father, a

mother and

a family

THE KING'S PALACE

At night, in bed,

my

favourite films and tried to conjure

which

stories

found

later is

dreamed of freedom.

I

because

I

it

I

forced

my

room-mates

up the world.

my

occupy

in a confined space,

made up

I

to listen to in the dark. If

easier to adjust to prison than

was used to being shut up.

went over images from

I

my

brothers and

had always been able

I

time and

to live

my own

back on

fall

I

sisters, it

resources.

But

missed

I

ness that twice

my I

mother

terribly;

commit

tried to

my

decided to put an end to

a

sharpened

bamboo

stick to

suicide.

The

pricked the end of my

I

make

heart racing.

I

was

my

Death was slow

in

coming, so

ten.

I

behind

thumb with

the blood spurt out, then

sand in the cut to cause an infection and waited,

my

time

first

loneU-

in the big sunflower field

life

the garden of the Villa Yasmina.

much from

suffered so

I

I

mixed

eyes closed and

got up after a few

I

minutes.

Every day

rubbed the

I

get worse and that

would bring happened. So

my I

wound

would be

I

with earth, hoping that

The second time

I

little

to

was put off by the

be dismissed

as

my

from

was twelve, and

bungled

wanted

I

it

And

bedside.

this

But

the sixth floor of the villa at Ifrane. I

which

sent to the Palace hospital,

mother running

did benefit a

would

it

that

is

what

suicide.

throw myself from

to

was frighteningly high and

of hurting myself These attempts should not

fear

harmless pranks.

I

felt

uneasy

at

the Palace and was

frequently unhappy. Obsessed with the idea of putting an end to aU,

lacked only the courage.

I

Or

rather,

it

already had a furious

I

determination to survive.

I

was permanently torn between East and West. At

and

the Villa Yasmina

at

was the

rule.

We

spoke

we

spoke French, but

my

at

parents'

house

the Palace Arabic

was old-fashioned and

a court dialect that

highly refined, with very specific expressions, intonations and gestures.

tease

I

have never managed to

me

about

it

and

Moroccans. Wherever to Dar-el-Mahzran

At the

villa,

—

it I

never

go

in

rid

myself of it;

later

my

family

would

my

fellow

failed to inspire respect in

Morocco,

I

am

always asked if I belong

the house of power.

our governess taught us

57

table

manners and

how

to

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

behave

how

company,

in

become young

ladies

for

fit

to

cook, curtsey and

entertain,

serve,

European high

society.

women as soon as we were taught

At the Palace, they were intent on making us

we

reached puberty. Etiquette was

not to

make any

gaffes,

how

the harem,

when

and

between the

less

and when to hold

my

and to make caution

At the beginning of adolescence, formed,

fully

the most

were nothing compared with

women we were

lines

court and in

at

be submissive and to

dress, to

We

of femininity.

as

to speak

conduct ourselves

to

The emphasis was on obedience and on

superficial aspects elders,

how

wear Moroccan

to

prostrate ourselves.

our

and

dinned into us;

than nothing. tongue.

and

a rule

when my

was taught

I

learned to read

I

a secret

weapon.

character was not yet

could have been attracted by the court, the beautiful

I

and the flamboyant concubines whose

clothes, the jewels

sole

con-

cern was to pamper their bodies and please their lord and master. But

moments of envy were brief knew that I wasn't made that way and never would be. I felt oppressed. The older I grew, the more felt Hke a prisoner. I belonged body and soul to the Palace those

I

I

and

was

I

suffocating.

When we make cars

the most of that

we

passed,

moped. of gates a

I

at

moment

close

my two

have to choose. values that

divine right.

their freedom.

a

tried to

I

inside the

young man on

And

then another

was once again

I

I

for

me

upbringings.

a

set

inside,

knew

I

power of an

one day soon

that

absolute

that

one man. Everything to

opulence and pomp,

me, whereas its

I

my

would

principles

and

my real hfe monarch who ruled by Palace.

Hved in the harem, surrounded by

seemed normal

at

draw the boundary between

from those of the

different

truly outside the

yet

to

came from an ordinary family with

to the

world ruled by eventually

I

were

was subject

And

would look

I

behind us and

escort,

of the 'indoors'.

was sometimes hard

excesses,

of freedom.

couple with children or

found myself envying

two worlds,

was

a

by road, followed by our

would open and

woman It

travelled

that

But

slaves, in a

went on

in fact court

omnipotence and

at

feminine

the Palace

life,

with

its

all-pervasive fear,

norms.

the Palace

I

was protected. This

58

little

community

living

THE KING'S PALACE

in the past preserved

me from

deep down

was

inside,

went on within

I

a

the dangers of the wider world. But,

European.

was often shocked by what

I

the Palace walls, by the cruelty and severity of the

sentences and punishments.

Concubines were beaten, repudiated, banished, and disappeared of the prison-palaces,

for ever in the depths

They were

stripped of all their wealth and

like the

Hved there

who

Hajar and Qamar, two Turkish concubines the Sultan Yussef ben-Yussef,

Muhammad

one

at

Meknes.

like wraiths.

had belonged

to

V's father, had been shut

up there on the death of their master. Prince Moulay Abdallah took pity

on them and had them brought

to live in his

When

they could have a peaceful old age.

auburn

elderly ladies with a strange

Arabic

dialect,

that these practices

unknown underground shadows.

isted in the

I

were

I

hair,

my

strained

ears,

met

these

white skin and blue eyes,

realized just

barbaric.

I

how

felt

that

who

httle

spoke

life

was, and

had stumbled

across an

feudal this I

two

world, which was not mine but which ex-

would

try to

fmd out

ments, and what had happened to the I

I

house in Rabat, so

the reasons for punish-

guilty.

but the wind carried only sighs and whispers.

LEAVING THE PALACE

My ties,

mother,

who

could no longer bear

my

father's repeated infideH-

had threatened to leave him numerous times. The opportunity

presented

whom she She

itself in fell

left

the shape of a

young

officer

from the north, with

head over heels in love.

home, made

my

father give her custody

Soukaina, respectively aged two and one, and sent

of Maria and

Raouf and My-

riam off to a select boarding school in Gstaad, Switzerland. She rented a Httle

villa in

Agdal, the student

district

ready-to-wear boutique, which soon became set,

and changed her

lectuals

My happy,

and

life

completely. She

now

a

of Rabat, opened

a

must for the smart

associated with intel-

artists.

mother in love,

didn't care about

what people would

and more beautiful than

59

ever.

say.

She was

She needed to go

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

through

She had married too young and had missed out on

this stage.

her teens. She was rehving them with her dashing

The King himself.

know why. me,

as if

gave

me

I

only

were

my

The

incapable of understanding.

still

celebrated in great style,

mother from the

they were

court merely

the palace in Marra-

at

and for having removed

it,

My

like a

troublesome

to the house,

where

him and

I

was so

me

taught

stupid.

human

about

a lot

told

I

.

What had happened

him

I

wanted

hated him.

to see

me.

He had me come

He

reflised

I

didn't have the right to

made him uncomfortable, and he I

tried to

had hurt him and took advantage of it

brutal.

'I still

love your mother,' he confided in a broken voice.

But

didn't understand anything of the intricacies of adult

How

I

could he love one

woman

turn to for an explanation?

mountains,

my

little sisters

have understood. betraying

My

my

father

I

and marry another?

And who

Mimi and Raouf were

were too young, and

Lalla

lonelier than ever.

felt

felt lost,

I

affairs.

could

in the Swiss

Mina wouldn't I

was somehow

mother.

was

hadn't changed;

telling the truth.

His feelings towards

he couldn't bear to lose

threatened her and spent whole nights in the

The young

to her

.

father

realized that

even more

.

insect.

didn't recognize anything any more.

destroy a family. This justify himself.

day

my

After the wedding,

I

this betrayal. It

me one

could happen to

to be

'the twit', she

mother had been popular, adored, and yet she was

brushed aside

to kiss

also Fatima, organizing endless parties in

nicknamed her

I

circles,

new Madame

vying with each other to invite the

all

was traumatized by

nature.

to

Overnight she had been forgotten; the

court.

whose name was

her honour. I

didn't

I

doors had closed on Fatima Chenna, the divorcee. In society

Oufkir,

it

sympathetic looks.

resented the King for arranging

I

about

was eleven years old but nobody explained anything

I

The wedding was kesh.

my father to remarry and told me that my parents had got divorced, but

arranged for

knew

I

officer.

officer

was sent to the remotest

60

her.

my

mother

He watched

her,

car,

opposite her house.

parts

of the country and

THE KING'S PALACE

was chosen resign, but

The

man

the most powerful

On

she's mine,'

my father

in the

crazy to have stolen the wife of

kingdom.

he replied arrogantly.

asked

my

how

father obtained a divorce

by the King

visit

mother

That was

in his native village.

My

him he was

the occasion of an official

country,

to help

him organize

My

and they remarried.

mother was

tell

me

truly loved him,

and

Never, even during our bleakest moments, did

complain about the

My

fate

we had

mother was pregnant

reception

a

they got back together again.

had made her what she was. She

today.

of the

to the south

very fond of him deep down. She often used to father

ordered to

he refused.

chief-of-sta£f told

'Now

He was

most dangerous missions.

for the

that

my does

still

hear her

I

endure because of him.

to

Throughout her pregnancy,

again.

my

father kept saying:

me would

'The best present you could give

be

son

a

who

looks

like me.'

The

born from

child

their reconciUation

came

world on

into the

27 February 1969, the day of the big earthquake. The King named

him

Abdellatif, 'the spared'.

lent but

get to

know

Now

My

few people were

My

exceptionally vio-

father didn't have a chance to

only three

when he

died.

an adult, Abdellatif is the spitting image of our

been back together again

concubines loved

a nice

father.

some

for

remained the main topic of conversation

their story

time, but

The

at court.

meaty scandal they could get

their teeth

Throughout the Palace people whispered, murmured and gos-

siped.

As

woman,

One for

killed.

who was

his son,

parents had already

into.

The earthquake was

a

far

day,

when

news of

bladder,

I

Rieffel

as

was concerned,

my

mother was

a

fallen

whore. the

Oum

whole court was

Sidi

who was

at

the Palace hospital, waiting

having an operation on her

overheard the governess maligning

the court ladies.

I

began to shriek

at

my mother He

shot

one of

me from me a look

them. The King heard

the other end of the corridor and rushed over.

61

to

gall

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

me

telling

to be quiet, out

of respect for

mother, but

his

I

on

carried

shouting.

My

tantrum had an

me down,

neck, to calm that

I

wanted

'I've I

1

said.

my

always done

I'd

To my amazement,

the

ungrateful wretch, and

had

my

that

me

couldn't ask I

he

to

to get

freedom;

run away before

this.

through to the other wasn't ready for

it

a desperate letter to

Over

my

power

his

There were other reasons why

wanted

to

marry

any longer, the Hfe

I

I

my

would

lose

my

chance.

steps.

him

I

to

I

leave.

embark on lengthy

at

the Palace,

I

home

clear-sighted: they

what they had

During the at

at

The King

didn't like. If

I

stayed

able to live

studies, travel,

become

a film director.

fmal weeks

women were

entailed,

The next day

would never be

spent

my

from making them think, made them laugh

these

to go.

was going to run

time talking to the

concubines and trying to open their eyes to their sad far

had

I

finally

back home.

whom I

I

door

and swore he would do

wanted

I

to a general's son

so yearned for,

an actress or In

me

me

to bring

eyes,

evening

know where

my

retrace

father, telling

me

a little

was overwhelmed by

I

didn't

I

the phone, he reasoned with

everything within

One

But

side.

yet.

was back home.

I

from prying

far

He

pride.

his

had discovered

I

fencing.

unknown world made me

Fear of an

away.

I

wounded

That evening,

burrow under the wire

managed

I

it,

'The Alaouites are

replied.

outspokenness had

to stay any longer.

tried to

managed

wrote

knew

King agreed.

near the outbuildings, and in the daytime,

my

I

her.

for their ingratitude.'

realized

I

repHed

I

don't see them.'

I

utmost to please

'I'm not saying you're wrong,'

known

to explain. Sobbing,

'I'm heartbroken that

Mina was an

that Lalla

even though

me

and asked

go home.

to

got a family,'

added

on him. He held me by the back of the

effect

first six

lost

knew

fate.

My words,

until they cried.

Yet

what

life

exactly

their

and what they had gained in exchange.

months

that followed

my homecoming,

I

slept

night and continued to Hve at the Palace and study at the

lycee by day.

My

position was delicate.

having rejected the concubines'

Hfe,

62

and

I

I

was sad

at

the idea of

could see they resented

it,

THE KING'S PALACE

especially the older ones. I

They had

must never leave or abandon

guilty.

But

relieved.

And

told

Lalla

me

time and time again that

Mina.

I

felt

uncomfortable,

happy.

Once the school year ended, I wanted to keep away from the Palace. The Department of Protocol was always calling to invite me but I refused each time. Nevertheless my father made me go, out of respect and courtesy. I

burst into tears, terrified at the thought that they might

go back.

63

make me

THE OUFKIR HOUSE 969- 972

I

I

MY HOMECOMING I

returned

home

at nightfall.

I

remember

the darkness and the feeling

of intense happiness that surged through me.

my

for lost time, regain

childhood.

My

family, in these peaceful surroundings that

Mother was

in

London,

my

children with their governesses.

hold I

staff,

whose

father I

I

was going

make up

to

place was here, with

my

would now be mine.

still

at

the ministry, and the

was greeted by unfamiliar house-

excessive deference embarrassed me.

wandered around the house, stroked the

over the furniture.

I

family photos from

Hngered in

which

I

fi-ont

walls and ran

my

hands

of the pictures on the wall, the

was missing. They charted the passing of

my brothers and sisters as toddlers, my father in full dress uniform, my mother in elegant outfits that I'd never seen her wear. opened the cupboards in her room and her perfume made me rediscovered the habits of my early childhood, when used to reel. bury my face in her jacket and immerse myself in her smeU. In the Hving room, dared to sit in my father's place, on his favourite settee. the years:

I

I

I

I

I

curled up

on the cushion where he was

Stroking his Lighter, I

only

I

in the habit

of

sitting.

cried tears ofjoy mingled with sadness.

home throughout my Hfe at the Palace. But on returning that I realized just how desperately.

had missed

64

it

was

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

Our house was

My

had bought the land with

father

army and had taken out comfortable and, above

whose

the house

the

my

mother had created

trees.

a

On

We

had

garage with about ten

one

a

red ochre colour, Uke those of

of the drive was

side

to protect

our privacy.

My

rooms

said to true.

my

me

my

all

the sauna.

time

We

was allowed to Hve

flat

a

when

I

compUcity

was tiny and contained only it

was

more independent. this

unknown

family.

was an observer, studying each individ-

came home from

we had

between the

bathroom, but because

brother Abdellatif was a newborn baby.

rebuild a relationship with create a

I

I

in a studio apartment

The

felt a Uttle

I

decorated in bijou

my homecoming.

for

few months

My

table in the centre, in

lunch and dinner there and

long time to become part of

a

first

tempo.

ate

two bookshelves and

the house

During the

low round

We

from the main house,

a built-in bed,

ual's

style.

a

they de-

room, where we congregated

living

with

father's initial opposition,

swimming pool and

took

The

My bedroom on the first floor,

was ready

when

our house exaggerated

small,

Moroccan

television.

style,

away from

all

be one of the most beautiful residences in

Later, despite

It

brings, but hated ostenta-

was

the traditional

separately

My

to

was quite

often,

EngHsh

it.

who came

It

it.

watched

money

flashy about

but simply.

tastefully

Rabat. That wasn't

most

the other,

mother, whose refinement was inborn, had decorated

Everyone scribed

sloping lawn

On

cars.

parents appreciated the comfort that tion.

a

pool, a tennis court, a cinema, a sauna and

However, there was nothing pretentious or

the

was huge,

It

a drive led to

Japanese garden with loose stones and dwarf

swimming

a

were

hedge

a

villa.

welcoming. From the gate

external walls

a cypress

pension from the French

his

loan to build the

a

all,

of Marrakesh.

villas

surrounded by

Hke the previous one.

in the Allee des Princesses,

my

brother

never had.

school.

I

found

Raouf and my It

was

easier

He took up it

three

with

hard to

sisters,

my

to

mother.

immediately sHpped back into our old ways. Being apart had not

damaged our strong bond. There was full

a pleasant

my home. It was a real home, my father had become a leading

atmosphere in

of Hfe and laughter. But since

65

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

kingdom

figure in the Interior in

—

1964

—Hassan

had made him Minister of the

II

become

the atmosphere had

warm. Our family

less

privacy suffered.

At home, the towards

my

humbly

to see

my

mother's

We

style.

and hangers-on were even more deferential

flatterers

were

father than they

my

The women came

father.

The

latest outfits.

The men waited hope of copying

in the

smart set considered her the arbiter of

view of a court

lived in full

the Palace.

at

that

governed our

lives

and our

time.

Sometimes we had the chance But most of the time the at

home

courtiers settled

to the

When

The

chat.

to the big

first floor,

down and made

room where my

in the little sitting

the ministers and officers.

go up

to eat lunch together, as a family.

and

adults dined late,

themselves

father held meetings

with

wives arrived, they would

their

drawing room, to have

a

all

drink and

wasn't unusual to have thirty or so

it

guests at the table.

At home, father's I

we

power.

didn't

I

had vaguely learned

Mother was the

that

a lot

return

saw him

name

his

I

I

down

me

the lycee

my

about which

I

still

man.

the Palace, the

at

my

parents had chosen to send

My

girls

knew

back and pointed

nothing.

them. With the naivety of

my

didn't

I

age,

it

me

respected and envied me,

my

student

Ben Barka

know what

wasn't

One

me.

at

murderer's daughter, because of the

a

cruel

their spines.

but they whispered behind called

as a

pubHc enemy number one. The mere mention of

sent a chill

left

At the Palace,

discovered that people were also afraid of

At the Lycee Lalla Aicha where after

my

of time with him.

home,

as

well.

of

as

he was someone important; the Queen

him, that they criticized him, that he was seen friends

grandeur

fond of him, the courtiers revered him and

particularly

King spent

On my

much aware of the know that side of him so

weren't so

father

to say I

affair,

back to

condemned

during our poHtical arguments, but the Government and Repression,

with I

a capital

adored

G

my

and

a capital

father.

I

felt

R. that people didn't see his sensitivity,

generosity and kindness.

He was

a calm,

my

mother,

who

more

restrained than

66

discreet

didn't

man, seemingly

mince her words. In

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

he was

actual fact,

risk

much more

acerbic and scathing than she was. His

was very sound and he rehed on no-one but himself,

instinct

of making mistakes or upsetting others, for

tact

the

at

wasn't his strong

point.

Naturally wary, he could sometimes be very quick-tempered, de-

normal composure. He was quite temperamental. Somewhen he was cheerful and relaxed, he would display a subtle of humour and have everybody in stitches. At other times he

spite his

times,

sense

would

of Distant and unapproachable, His

when

nobody could coax him out

sink into a profound silence that

tastes

blowing

it

those times he resembled a sphinx.

were simple, but he had

he had to

all

at

all

on was

live

a

very generous soul. Even

he was capable of

his captain's pay,

my mother to a restaurant. charismatic. When he walked into a

one evening by taking

in

He was handsome, proud

and

room, he ecHpsed everyone

else.

Modest

never kissed Mother in our presence.

to the point of prudery,

He would

put

he

arm around

his

her affectionately or fondly squeeze her hand.

My parents

had

a loving, respectful relationship.

They never

raised

whatever their quarrels or their problems.

their voices or argued,

They admired each other enormously. And

yet they

were very

different.

My

mother was an

artist, a

home-loving. She was

and would sing the

a

bohemian,

happy person, of

entire repertoire

a spendthrift,

who

loved

life,

classical oriental

generous and loved

party

a

music

at

the

top of her voice. She had a wonderful voice. She loved the movies,

and

she drove herself, screeching through the streets of

fast cars that

Rabat

at

top speed. She was self-taught, read copiously and was

interested in everything.

Her uncompromising nature earned her enemies. She was outspoken, direct, impatient and temperamental; she lacked flexibiHty. like the flatterers

where she was

a

who

surrounded

frequent

her, or

visitor,

who

Un-

lived at the Palace

she was neither calculating nor

manipulative; she didn't play games. She was forthright, almost too

much

so.

She was maternal towards

us,

and never showed

ence for any one of her children, even though

67

I

can

a prefer-

flatter

myself

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

that

my

had

I

My

father did

remain

accessible,

epilepsy.

My

but in vain. Her that

made my

when

a

unique relationship with

six children.

Myriam, who was fourteen from

at

the time, was often

parents had consulted doctors

all

ill.

father distant towards her?

I

my

noticed and asked raising his

hand

with him.

He would

father to punish her.

He

to us.

my

My

universally adored.

hero-worshipped

And my

The

my

mother

But he was incapable of

go into the drawing room

all

the

women

He was

in the

terrified

father.

Raouf was

was

girls,

strict,

ill

a

homosexual.

My

brother was already popular with

interested in them. After the

as

My

almost aggressive towards him, he was so

founded.

and he was just

As

difficult.

very good-looking, with an almost feminine

of his heir becoming

This fear was

He

guards cHcked their heels in his presence.

father adored him, but their relationship

was doubly

a

house and

beauty, long hair, an olive complexion and high cheekbones. father

at

really chastising her.

the eldest son, the heir.

pampered by

horribly

ailment

remember one occasion

mother he was

Raouf was

Eleven-year-old

to

this

it

pretend to beat her and she was to cry out

regular intervals to convince

young god,

Mimi

asked

She suffered

over the world,

were violent and dramatic. Was

fits

she'd altered the marks in her school report.

a teenager,

we

however, on condition that

He had

the effort to approach him.

each of his

She spent more time with us than

her.

her busy schedule.

father, despite

made

bond with

a special

the Skhirat palace in 1971,

when

several

hundred

coup

d'etat at

courtiers, officers

and guests were massacred during the King's birthday celebrations by a

band of mutinous

sight.

NCOs, Raouf wouldn't

He had wangled

his

way

at thirteen,

and went out

evening with

patiently until his meetings

my

father out

into being part of the escort.

had learned to drive in the

let

were

different characters.

but she was

The

lively

difficult to

his

As he

he often took the chauffeur's place

my

over,

father.

He would

sometimes

sit

late into

Maria and Soukaina, respectively aged seven and

father,

of

six,

and wait

the night.

had very

and independent Maria charmed

my

pin down. Even in those days she

didn't express her feelings. Soukaina,

68

on the other hand, was sweet

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

and

She would snuggle up to

affectionate.

thumb, or would sing him songs laugh until tears ran

down

My

paper.

on the

flat

floor

made him

on her stomach, doodling

was convinced she would become

father

sucking her

father,

his face.

She spent her time lying

on

my

in a comical voice that

a painter

or a

writer.

As

for Abdellatif,

My

eye.

still

he was the apple of everyone's

in nappies,

wish had been

father's

His baby son looked like

fulfilled.

him.

when he came

Abdellatif had nearly died as an infant,

devoured by

a

hon cub given

to

my

father as a present

had brought home. The animal had been romping lawn;

first it

who was as

two Yorkshire

playing nearby.

looked on

soon

attacked

helplessly,

anyone

terriers

a ball

had to

call

my

could see the danger for himself.

The cub

and was banished

fellow cubs in the zoo.

to play

with

its

on the

while the nannies

paws and bared

its

We

tried to approach.

and which he freely

before going for the baby

nudged him Hke

It

then held him in

near to being

eventually

let

its

fangs as

father so

he

go of its prey

MY FATHER AND ME

We

were

friends,

allies.

I

charmed and provoked him, but never

overstepped certain boundaries.

him

fear or servile deference;

In the mornings, he his collar.

would

was proud of

I

I

was

I

was

far

call

me

his

developed

He was

double chin.

action: a game of tennis at Ben Omar, a sauna and a few

however, not to show

much of a

too

and

shirt

rebel.

to adjust his tie or button

and so was he.

this ritual,

having trouble doing up a

careful,

I

One

day

I

up was

teased him, saying he'd

very vain, and immediately took

the house with his friend. General Driss light dietary restrictions. Unfortunately,

these excellent resolutions didn't

When

he was going on

suitcase.

He would

me

a little smile:

with

'Dress

me

like

a

last

long.

he would ask

trip,

then boast about

one of your rock

At around one o'clock,

it

stars.

when he

69

me

to his ministers.

I

want

arrived

to

to be "with

home from

pack

He'd

his

say to

it".'

the ministry

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

would go

or the staff headquarters, he

down on

settle

drink

who

and stayed with him

ask

adored him.

until

on

liked to stroke the scar

He had

it

was time to leave

I

me

when we had

to play

guests.

complied

I

very proud of my

He was

a little reluctantly:

Hke

didn't

I

after

my

return,

accompanied

I

SeviUe

Fair. It

my

parents

on an

was an opportunity

to get

them, to become their daughter again, and even their only

close to

my brothers and sisters experienced my first real moment as

Together

we

attended

discovered

had stayed behind

of family happiness on

till

evening he forbade

me

I

this trip.

dawn.

a cheerful, jovial father, a

women. An

songs and pretty Gypsy

Rabat.

in

the parties given by the Spanish aristocracy,

all

and danced wild flamencos

night owl

who

One

in a see-through Indian top

was the fashion

a bra, as

adored love

authoritarian father too.

go out dressed

to

was wearing without

I

for school again.

hand, the result of a car accident.

his right

official visit to Spain, for the

that

him, served him

after

grand piano in the big drawing room, and he

few weeks

I

looked

I

of the young lady of the house.

this role

child,

beer and

installed a

musical accompUshments.

A

a

room,

be finishing lunch and would go up to see him,

often with Soukaina

would

always in the same place, ask for

his sofa,

slowly. I'd

it

into the big drawing

at

the time.

He

was annoyed by such immodesty.

Our

was not without

close relationship

sixteen and a born rebel, resistant to

kept in check for too

aUowed

to be

wear

to

and from school.

I

many long mini-skirts.

wanted

when you were General I

take

couldn't wait for

my

ertatic,

driving

had taught

highway code. escort

who

disapproval.

I

I

my

was

had been

fought another battle

refused to be chauffeur-driven to

to live a

normal

life,

which wasn't

easy

eighteenth birthday

when

I'd

be able to

bodyguard, whose driving was somewhat

the rudiments. But

obtained

met up with

He

I

I

I

Oufkir's daughter.

My

me

I

ups and downs.

forms of authority.

years. Later,

my a

I

had no notion of the

driving Hcence thanks to

asked the examiner to give

Every day

ally,

test.

all

its

it

group of

thought that some of

were too forward. Veronique and

70

to

my

police

me.

my father's them, like Sabah, my closest Claudine were in my class at friends,

much

to

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

the Lycee Lalla Aicha. Veronique's parents, ardent Trotskyists, were

members of the

(He was imprisoned

Serfaty.

They

1972 and not released

in

lived hippie-style in a house in Rabat, not far

neglected garden overrun by dogs dogs.

The

of my

children were

left

—

own

to their

Veronique often used to invite

They

misgivings about me.

my

about

allusions

Alsatians,

My

devices.

me

who

and Hassan

II;

end

them

told

I

my

father

that

had several times been

Maurice

could not

I

and

I

would not

a minister

under

Hme

many more

on Tuesday candy

Muhammad

who was

pink.

the

Ouezzine sported

besides.

look, with long hair and floral

green,

Berber

a

son of Abraham Serfaty; Driss

Serfaty, the

He

shirts.

VW Beetle which he repainted when he

was

and make

insulted.

son of a businessman and

up

friendship.

me

Bahnini, the son of the former prime minister; another

Bob Dylan

bull-

was the opposite

It

male friends included Ouezzine Aherdane, son of

party leader

V

him

ours, with a

to lunch, despite her parents'

defend him poUtically, but that he was stand by and hear

from

Dobermanns and

did not hesitate to goad

father. In the

until 1991.)

way of our budding

but that did not get in the

life,

Abraham

extremist left-wing opposition party led by

felt like

a

drove a soupedit:

on Monday

Then he moved on

it

to a

convertible Mustang. I

would

gladly have

his old bangers.

were

all

chauffeur-driven Umousines for

when we were

afternoon

us. Petrified,

drew up

alongside. Inside

was

my

father, glaring at

who was

the exuberant gang slid to the floor. Ouezzine,

too proud to

show he was

we

playing truant,

and clowning around. At the

in Ouezzine's car, laughing

traffic lights a car

far

One

my

swapped

away looking

pulled

afraid,

straight

ahead. I

was

a

frequent guest

at

activists visiting his father.

Maurice

Even though

under surveillance Uke him but for always showed

me

mix up

his

perfectly aware of his activities but to talk to

have banned

my father about me from

his

I

home where

was

my

different reasons,

great trust because

the intelligence not to

me

Serfaty's

them.

house.

71

it

I

was

I

met

the

father's daughter,

Abraham

his son's friend.

children with politics.

Serfaty

He had I

was

would never have occurred

And

for his part, he

to

would never

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

Above

He was

my

all,

father worried about

pretended to be concerned about couldn't care course,

the boys surrounding me.

all

influenced by his entourage of hypocritical

less.

virginity

Defying them amused

want

didn't

I

my

my

to let

from sneaking out almost every night

to indulge

my

and

me more

down, but

father

who

flatterers,

honour.

than anything.

that didn't stop

my

I

Of me

love of music

and dancing.

was very organized.

I

would put

I

in a

o'clock, and answer questions about

daughter.

When

good night

say

by

and

doll

to the guests

Once

surveillance.

parents,

had to

all

I'd slip into a mini-skirt

We

stifling.

over the place, and

also informers.

revise

or

topped

a bolster

sneak out.

were

lives

The switchboard

were

shifts

room,

I

my

were under constant

There was no question of going out without an

There were guards informers.

my

sheets, I'd

wasn't easy: our

It

in

model

like a

kiss

and excuse myself, saying

myself up to the nines. After stuffing

wig between the

a

schoolwork

dinner was announced, I'd stand up,

for a test the next day.

shorts

token appearance until ten

my

operators

among them

who worked

at

escort.

several

the house in

But one of them had agreed

to help

me

sneak out.

My

were aged twenty and seventeen, would be waiting car.

who

mother's two younger brothers, Azzedine and Wahid,

We

drove

Azzedine kept

off"

a

to

meet our

jealous eye

for

me

in their

friends in the fashionable nightclubs.

on me and wouldn't allow anyone near

me.

dawn and in the morning I woke up at seven to go to school. But made it a point of honour to pass my exams. One evening, while was getting ready, I heard the two wooden window frames open softly. In the dark, could make out my father. SomeI

danced

tiU I

I

I

body had informed on me. That evening never breathed

We two

a

word

to

me

I

stayed quietly in bed.

He

of what he knew.

summer at the beach, near Rabat. My parents owned there, much simpler than the ones the bourgeoisie built

spent the chalets

which often looked

Like mini-palaces.

beach houses. They lived in one and

72

My let

parents' chalets

were

us have the other.

real

They

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

me

wanted for

my

to stay with

exams. In

fact

them but wanted

I

which once again turned out were jeeps and poHce

all

I

refused, pretending

I

had to revise

on sneaking out

to carry

at night,

There

to be fraught with comphcations.

over the place, and a round-the-clock army

patrol. I

woke up

often

turned up

my

my

puffy-eyed,

still

One

midday.

at

who

father,

I

had that

exhaustion was the result of sitting up

gested

go out with him for

I

him

to be alone with

He

that

ashamed. That was where

so rarely had the opportunity

then he asked

silence,

La Cage.

a nightclub called

I

night studying, sug-

all

happily agreed.

I

drove for a while in

a drive.

which

pretended to beheve

day, after lunch, to

I

denied

I

danced

till

it

me

if

I

had heard of

vehemently, feeHng a

He

dawn.

little

pulled up opposite

the place.

'You don't recognize I

it?'

pretended not to understand, and he didn't press the matter.

Another had seen

day,

me

he announced in front of everybody that someone

in a club in Casablanca. Luckily

my

able to protest

innocence in good

'One evening I'm seen

it

wasn't true, and

I

was

faith.

in Casablanca,

at

La

so sure about

La

and the next

it'll

be

Cage.'

you about Casablanca, but I'm not

believe

'I

Cage.'

The

first

time he took

me

to

declared that Httle later,

Omar,

I

could smoke in

he had

a strict

a

He

smoking than the

good

My

man who brought up hke

listen to

me

had

me

secretiveness.

A

with General Ben

his children to fear

He'd

lying to him, a statement

terrible table

my

mother.

He

eggs, preferably fried.

in to see

rather than hiding.

manners and chewed

in his entourage dared say anything to

didn't bother

Hked

company

in

came out and

I

him.

rather see

My me

which shocked

general.

father

Nobody

his

waited until

discussion in front of

father repeated that he didn't

me smoking

London, he caught

the toilets of the Playboy Club.

one of

an

his best friends,

food

him about

it,

noisily.

and

it

hated fussy food. Like me, he only

also

On

his

official visit to

Agadir, he dropped

Henry Friedman who owned the

73

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

Casbah d'Agadir,

of forerunner of the Club Med.

a sort

It is still

there

today.

Of all my tell

him

father's friends,

few home

a

truths.

and blue eyes and

screwed into

of the joys of Hfe, but

from Eastern Europe with red

twenty stone. There was always

A

mouth.

his

A Jew

able to

also

camp

concentration

had an authoritarian

He

side.

a

cigar

he was

survivor,

Starvation and the horrors of the camps had given

My

a table full

full

loved eating.

him

profound

a

On this occasion for my father.

respect for food, and he was an excellent cook.

had prepared

hair

croaking, broken voice, he was a six-foot

a

who weighed

colossus

Henry was the only one who was

of appetizing dishes

he

father inspected the spread.

'Look, I'm sorry, Henry,' he finally

want two

Henry

said, 'but

I

don't hke

all

that.

I

fried eggs.' lost his

temper and shouted

The

quaked

very calm.

servants

at

at

my

father,

who

remained

the sight of General Oufkir being

down, but Henry, red

as a

beetroot, just continued.

The angrier Henry became, the more

my

father's little smile grew.

given

dressing

a

He was

delighted to have provoked him.

At home,

I

German-style upbringing made breach of good manners. help reprimanding them.

not refined enough for

and

to

chew

down

couldn't bear sitting

slowly.

made fun of mine,

I

hard for

it

When

to meals

ate

I

me

my

liking.

I

taught

couldn't get used to their

instilled

by

them

During

a

dinner with some of

and stared back.

Then he began 'We

his noisy

We

sole

and honed by

have never been able

to

my

father's closest officers,

chewing.

I

stared at him.

chew even more

noisily,

I

was

He looked up

had understood each other without

can't hear a thing

I

fillet a

defying me.

I

a

word.

imitated

said:

All the officers laid

of me;

to

off.

soon exasperated by

him and

couldn't

manners and they

Rieffel, the governess, I

I

well brought up, but

them how

the unparalleled sophistication of Palace Ufe. to shake

to stand the slightest

with the children,

They were obviously

My strict

with him.

around here, you're making so much

down

was rude, wild and

their knives disrespectful.

74

and

forks.

But he

noise.'

They disapproved

said nothing.

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

He arrived from staff headquarters, his pockets full of chewing gum. He knew that I hated the sound of someone chewing. He opened the packet, stuffed all the chewing gum in his mouth and looked me in the eye. I to stop smoking.

Another time he had decided

sustained his gaze.

On ters,

on

another occasion he was in the

talking poUtics.

He

loudly.

me

asked

then a few minutes little

went

I

later

games we played

At the end of the

go up to the next

turned

I

all

into the next

down

to turn

it

up

the volume.

I

obeyed, and

Those were the

again.

my

me

of

me

to

marks weren't good enough for

My nocturnal

escapades had taken their

my

decided to opt for the humanities baccalaureate and asked to send

sort

the time.

year,

class.

room with some minisroom and put some music

sitting

That way

to boarding school.

I

thought

toll. I

parents

have more

I'd

fireedom.

Myriam and me

In September they enrolled Raouf,

Paul Valery in Meknes.

and

night,

landed

me

I

did so

hadn't shed

I

more

in hot water.

often than

Once

I

my

habit of sneaking out at

should have, which frequently

I

even received

instead of going back to school in the morning,

Sabah and spent

a

whole day

the Lycee

at

a I

good

clout

when,

played hookey with

in Rabat.

A SPOILED TEENAGER I

dreamed of

a

world was so

normal easy.

life

just

I

but

the

way

of

parties

my on my

effort

others took the bus. Clothes?

collections in every

my mother's

had no idea what

had to snap

wanted was mine without any class

I

major European

Saint Laurent outfits.

and

balls,

columns. Holidays?

with guests I

had

a

part. Travel? I

I

flew

I

first

bought up couturiers'

My Hfe

straight

My

fmgers and anything

city and, if

Fun?

that meant.

need be,

I

borrowed

was an endless round

out of the society gossip

choice, the world was

my

oyster.

I

took everything for granted, money, luxury, power, royalty and

The people around me were so eager to please that you had black eyes, they would compHment you on how

subservience.

even

if

blue they were

if

they were ordered to do

75

so.

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

My

parents invited

birthday ball

—Prince

government,

And

all

of Morocco's high society to

Moulay Abdallah,

Dior gowns weren't

I

was,

a

few

stars.

who

threw tantrums. The hairdresser

me.

sulked. Dress fittings bored

I

me, nor were posh hairdos. So

for

eighteenth

Princess Lamia, the entire

heavy sprinkling of military and

a

Spoiled child that

I?

my

scowled and

I

had spent two hours creating

a

complicated chignon, with endless backcombing and lacquer, swore

come back and do my

he'd never pressed

up I

I

was with

his things,

had to greet

I

my

in

hair

and

let it

my

the guests with

all

down

over

my

shoulders.

parents,

bend over backwards

be amiable and act the perfect young lady of

marriageable age.

made

my

slap.

to

efforts

Before he'd even finished packing

his masterpiece.

had rinsed

I

deserved a good

when he saw how unim-

hair

opened the

I

ball

with Prince Moulay Abdallah,

my grandfather, my part for most

small talk with the elderly ladies, smiled at

the generals, the ministers ...

I

managed

to play

at

of

the evening.

But when the Jamaican band launched into the ber, httle

my

madam MaHka and

night, mostly

with

So

I

actually

a T-shirt,

num-

reggae

first

go on the dance

my

complimented on fun.

little

For

and danced barefoot

floor.

I

threw off

gifts,

my

including

beauty and

album of photos taken

with everything released.

The

else,

faces

were executed

dropped,

I

but

I

my

parents

my

managed

of the generals

I'd

a

all

It

been

I

I'd

kept

was confiscated, along

get

it

who were

at

to

I'd

were delighted. And

early years in prison,

that night.

after the Skhirat

had been dreading.

I

some splendid jewellery.

long time, even during

a

until

on

father.

ended up enjoying the party

been showered with

a

herself

lovely white chiffon dress embroidered with roses, slipped

pair of jeans

had

let

coup had been

back

when

I

the party and circled

was

who

with green

biro.

What do young

girls

dream of? Most of them dream of

dreamed of stardom. The movies remained of my

life,

for Lalla star,

from the days when

Mina and

that's

what

I

my

I

my

for.

I'd seize

76

I

great passion, the love

used to re-enact

all

the films

schoolfriends at the royal lycee.

longed

love.

To be

I

liked a film

any opportunity to mix with

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

the world of razzmatazz and

had

She was

my

enjoying themselves

We

met up

my two

head. Luckily for me,

Wahid, were supposed as

to

immediately got

I

as

Azzedine and

uncles,

be chaperoning me. In

much

fact,

they were

We

danced the

was.

I

in the vast apartment Irene

had rented.

drank vodka and champagne and laughed and sang

sirtaki,

when we were

home

driven

in Maseratis

how was I

me

send

Chenna,

my

I'd

Once

there.

jump

again

needed

I

Lakhdar Hamina had

the

a part in

Leila

She had

also

My

chaperone.

A Uttle

The

Algerian director

star

And

of

was

famous Chronicle of

the Palme d'Or at the Cannes film a

James Bond movie.

dream. She had succeeded in the movies and

She introduced

selfish.

the actor

stars,

I

with her and had

films, including the

won

played in

she wasn't

task.

Muhammad

she was independent. She was friendly with the actors

most.

parents to

cousin Leila

older than me, Leila was

fallen passionately in love

my

embodied

actress.

most of his

Burning Years which

festival.

Yorgo.

of her generation. Her looks had brought her

girl

had become an

given her

a

childhood playmate, was entrusted with the

most beautiful

luck: she

my

any chance to beg

at

overjoyed, and settled into her home. the

actor,

supposed to be learning English.

me.

Paris fascinated

dawn,

till

and Lamborghinis by the

son of King Fahd of Saudi Arabia, or by a young Greek

That was

mother

actress Irene Pappas.

being shot in London.

starring in a film

ideas into

met the Greek

I

my

London, where

In

glitter.

house near Hyde Park,

a

women

me

worshipped.

I

admired

to Alain Delon, the

I

wasn't particularly

impressed. In the eyes of the temperamental, spontaneous seventeen-

year-old that old.

was

at

the time, he was already a mature man. Almost

There could be no question of anything between us other than

friendship, a

I

maybe ambiguous

few times

in Paris

at

times but always platonic.

and then in

was shooting Joseph Losey's The

Romy

Schneider.

He

taught

me

New

I

saw him

York and Mexico where he

Assassination of Trotsky, co-starring

to play Yahtzee.

Alain was very fond of me, but respected the fact that

young

He

lady, full

of virtuous principles.

often used to

hangers-on

phone me

who were

He

in Rabat.

liked

My

always quick to panic

77

my

I

was

a

'shy virgin' side.

father,

when

alerted

by

his

came

to

my

it

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

reputation,

was concerned about

relationship.

this

There was no

He

need. Alain was a real friend, one of the most faithful.

later

proved that he had never forgotten me. Jacques Perrin was just

brated I

He was

produced Costa Gavras's Z. .

.

.

and gorgeous ...

was probably

a little

belong to anyone.

I

I

had

bit in love

Hghts. In the

my

Big Apple,

Angeles, that

is

I

became the

one of

IsraeH

my

each more amazing than the

and

and

scores of others.

as if by

last.

of the day, I

time dazzled. Although iUustrious

Minister of Defence. his ministers.

memories.

best

sister,

We

meet the whole of Hollywood.

celebrities

with Marvin Dayan, the

friends

and shocked some of

stars

went

met

I

I

I

As

for

I

Los

to dinners

was invited and

parties,

the world's biggest

all

This

was accompanying

and with her

movie

Zsa-Zsa Gabor, Edward G. Robinson

was overawed, intimidated, but was aware

that

I

at

the same

was able to mix in such

company because of my name, which opened every door

magic,

was

I

still

dazed by

At one of these parties screen cowboy, Stuart

I

even

it all.

head over heels

fell

Whitman, who had only

my direction for me to go into raptures. the woman sitting next to me on the sofa, a She Ustened to me very seriously. in

in love

a

to turn his blue eyes

my

confided

I

with

crush to

stunning French model.

understand,' she said, smiling. 'You're right, he's gorgeous.'

'I

I

freedom.

I

Princess Nehza, the King's youngest to

with him.

wasn't yet ready to

my dreams. spent a memorable ChristNew York and Hollywood were the high-

there;

father

I

my new-found

was too intoxicated by

nephew of Moshe Dayan, dehghted

admired and cele-

a brief, casual flirtation

America was the land of

mas hohday over

greatly

with him. But

He had

apartment.

a regular visitor to Leila's

was about

Nehza

to

glaring at

go on

to

enumerate

me. She motioned

'Malika, you're behaving badly. at that

my

times.

my

all

it

her and her husband

who was

saw

you

staring brazenly

of his wife.'

me

naivety.

touched by

78

I

She had the grace not to

confession against me, and invited

my

are

in front

beautiful neighbour.

She had been charmed by

when

charms,

his

to join her.

Not only

man, but worse, you're doing

His wife was

hold

me

my

I

to her

house several

became

futile love.

friends

with

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

At their Malibu home

I

became

Hke myself, and the mother of

Fossey, an officer's daughter

month-old baby

whom Dean

met

I

He knew my

was so keen to

parents.

the phone,

to

We

spent an unforgettable day together,

go buggying in the Californian

have never laughed so much.

I

actress that

nearly

I

of an American agent,

my

father

was dancing with

I

me

become an

a film contract out

Over

where

a four-

McQueen,

Steve

Uttle later,

in a Los Angeles nightclub

careering around the dunes. I

A

called Marie.

girl

Martin's son, invited

desert.

friends with the deHghtful Brigitte

had to use

of

a friend

his

all

managed

to

my

wring

father's.

powers of persuasion to

discourage me. 'Malika,

your baccalaureate and then

sit

and you can do

as

you

please.'

awaited

With

me

.

.

hindsight,

I

look back

genuine attempts

husband

at

Moroccan At have

society girls

my

lost

years that

beginning to

from

was with amusement, and

I

was very

I

spoiled,

and

rebeUion would probably have gone on for a

I

dissatisfaction

identical to

a fate

least

But today

girl

wasn't too stupid but

and

frustration

was

It

at

the

marriage to a wealthy

twenty, a Hfe of luxury and boredom, of sleeping around,

infideHties,

drugs.

I

at

My destiny was already mapped out:

long time.

Hollywood

think that

I

.

also a certain fondness.

my

When

obeyed the voice of reason.

I

send you to the States

I'll

I

live,

have

of so

that

will

me

or

other unhappy

Of course, Only now am just

that miserable fate.

never get back.

on the verge of old

age.

no matter

how

I

I

It is

a different attitude to life:

superficial things,

many

alcohol

in

know.

ordeal has spared I

drowned

painful

and

unfair.

can't be constructed

it

attractive they

may

appear.

Neither wealth nor appearances have any importance now. Pain gave

me new

Hfe. It

took a long time for

me

to die as

MaHka,

General Oufkir's eldest daughter, the child of a powerful figure, of past. I've

gained an identity.

If there

had not been aU

My own

identity.

that waste,

all

venture to say that

my

changed me. For the

better. It's as well to

suffering

79

And

that

that horror

made me grow. make

is

...

a

priceless.

I'd

almost

In any case,

the best of things.

it

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

THE SKHIRAT COUP Summer

1971 looked especially promising. Although I'd frittered

my

away

school year,

achieved

I

place at college to complete

my

month

I

holiday lay ahead, and

my

friends

was

still

a

a lie-in. Life

had

the

my

wonderful evening, with

in the sky.

were

long two-

a lot,

swim, see

all

night,

for

him

to do.

frantic.

we

of laughter. After

lots

coup

at

I

which was why

I

It

got

was enjoying

could happen to us? all

over

Fighter planes could be heard roaring

There was an atmosphere of disaster. The danger was

there had been a

a

had taken the whole

father

was pleasant and calm. What

the staff

had

I

rude awakening. Bodyguards were rushing around

a

villa;

had plans to go out

which was an unusual thing

continued to party

I

A

humanities studies.

previous evening

a restaurant,

had been

I

The

in French.

At one o'clock in the afternoon of 10 July

travel.

asleep.

family to

home,

and

good grade

a

the Skhirat palace

real:

where the King was

holding three days of non-stop festivities to celebrate his forty-second birthday.

My

father

a friend,

into

was unreachable and

Sylvia

town on

DoukkaH, who had

his

motorbike with

and unsure what to do,

The news of a

I

mother was having lunch with a

beach

Raouf had gone

viUa.

Worried about

friends.

decided to go and join

finally

my brother my mother.

the incident had taken Sylvia's guests by surprise, and

some of them were only

my

still

in their

swimming costumes. Her house was

few kilometres from Skhirat, and

as

getting into the car to drive back to Rabat,

my

I

mother and

I

were

saw convoys of military

trucks heading in the opposite direction. It

in a

was impossible little

to return

we owned

house

home,

in

so

we

town. Sylvia Doukkali accompanied

She was distraught. Her husband Lharbi, secretary, hadn't It

later

come home and

emerged

that

decided to spend the night

NCOs

who was

the King's private

she hadn't heard a

from the royal

us.

word from him.

military training college

had burst into the palace during the King's birthday celebrations.

They massacred hundreds of and male toilets.

celebrities

Other

rebels

from

all

guests, officers,

members of

the court

over the world. The King hid in the

took over the radio station and

80

bombed

the

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

palaces of Skhirat

and Rabat. The King eventually succeeded in

bringing the situation under control.

At dawn someone phoned

Doukkali had been one of the

my

mother

first

to

were more than two hundred dead,

had been

thirty-eight mutineers

had been

generals,

The

who was

Ten

killed.

killed at Skhirat

officers,

at

to

by Colonel Ababou,

among

his

including four

be executed

rife in his

way

it

gave

country.

accompHce.

My

His role in

to speculation.

I

He

father

coup was never proven, but the

this first

His relations with King Hassan

rebels

broke

II

after this event.

The attempted coup hfe.

of

officers,

was organized and the clemency he showed towards the

rise

down

it.

later.

officer

pleaded in favour of the acquittal of the 1,081 rebel trainee

and obtained

the

down, and

Medbouh, an

the corruption

There

at Skhirat.

to put the rebeUion

They were going

appalled

that Lharbi

of them from

conspiracy had been led by General

integrity,

was

arrested.

be massacred

a third

The King had managed

King's guests.

warn her

to

d'etat

was hke

a

thunderbolt in

my

ordered

could never have imagined that anyone would challenge the

King's authority. Apparently ordinary officers could have killed if the situation

had not swung in

his favour.

I

him

wasn't mature enough

or sufficiently acquainted with the ways of pohtics to understand

what had

just

my

panic, and

who happened

happened. grief

remember above

I

been

to have

given a

warm welcome;

kissing.

But

for the

was torn by conflicting

it

ruhng

authorities.

actions.

ashamed

He had

I

time in

I

I

friends

I

decided to go to

away from

We

were

my

life,

I

felt a

their side.

down

the rebels

me

for

—but

my

father's

weren't they

fighting to rid the country of corruption? Later, talking with friends,

my

thinking became

I

my

no longer supported the monarchy, the

people were thanking

helped put

certain unease.

had been very frightened for

was no longer on that

my

was very moving. Everyone was crying

loyalties.

and for the King, but

felt

mother and

refuge there with his wives.

first

father,

I

my

the Allee des Princesses, a stone's throw

The King had taken

ours.

and

villa in

the atmosphere of

at Skhirat.

Back home the next morning, the King's

all

on learning of the death of some of

more nuanced.

81

I

my

gradually realized that

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

things weren't so black and white, with the goodies

on the

the baddies

My

mother

suddenly flung

of

sight

on seeing the King.

He was

open.

edgy

so

a fright.

The King was

so

opinion didn't count;

my that

mother

for having

my

will

a

lift

King

do

to let her

you, going out of your

way

He began

so.

and

a

to help others, dealing with

my

you

to help

if

anything happens to you.'

her take the body so Lharbi Doukkali could

let

following days were a nightmare.

were summarily

arrested

father's.

He came home

He wore

his military

room and

lay

Mother was

My

on

shot.

The

They had

ten officers

been

all

combat uniform. He went

his bed.

I

sat at his feet

and took

who had

close friends

ashen, his eyes red and his

mouth up

straight

hand

his

of

grim. to his

to kiss

it.

at his side.

He had He knew

father grieved over his friends' deaths for a long time.

not been able to persuade the King to give them that

But

decent burial.

The been

at-

to shout:

words: not one of these people you're so concerned about

fmger

But he did agree to have

My

of weakness.

the funeral arrangements for this one and the burial of that one.

mark

the

at

he couldn't bear to

moment

a

door, he

his

to recover Lharbi Doukkali's body,

tempted to persuade the at

reached

was one of them.

I

mother wanted

'Look

and

the house well,

he jumped back

that

proud

be caught unawares by a stranger in

My

we

apartments. Just as

his

knew

I

That made him annoyed with

us.

him

given

it

side

other.

insisted

and took her to

on one

a fair trial.

none of them would have been pardoned because they had

threatened national security, but he cared about the judicial process.

For the

first

time in

his hfe,

he wasn't able to confine himself to the

measured language of the poHtician.

He

the day of the funeral of the guests and to protect their

monarch, he exploded

railed against

all

those

again.

who

Hassan IL

The King had followed

the funeral procession wearing one of his favourite check jackets. father accused

Nnaa,

my

him of having no

I

My

respect for the dead.

paternal grandmother,

and came to our house.

On

had died trying

left

her palm grove

seldom saw her but

I

She was an extraordinary person, the soul of

82

at

Ain-Chair

was very fond of her. dignity, nobility

and

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

woman of reminded me of a

This sober, straightforward

piety.

wore

a plain white kaftan

the desert

who

Sioux squaw, with her

prominent cheekbones, slanting black eyes and auburn

My

and

father

my father,

rider.

mother greeted each other by

his

among

the people

may God

protect you.

customary

is

She was

plaits.

very brave. She caught vipers with her bare hands and, like

was an accomplished

always

kissing hands, as

of the south. She

to

said

him,

trembling:

'My

son,

Coldly he stopped her 'Ma,

you

I

thought you were dead.'

tears.

won't allow you to cry unless

consider

A

I

have died

1

little later I

blurted out

my

man, please don't shed

like a

shut myself

die like a criminal.

I

away with him

anger and pain.

a single tear.'

room and

in the sitting

children of the executed generals had been evicted from their I

had heard

eldest

him 'I

as

So

who had been one

boy agreed

come

to

our house

to

me what

a briefcase

without teUing

hope

you and your brothers

that

of your

after dark.

was

his

closest

father gave

conduct yourselves

father.'

in his eyes as he spoke these words.

accomplice. Colonel Ababou,

my

as

My

inside.

will always

Mina, the daughter of General Medbouh,

same age

of

Hke to see

acted as go-between. After a great deal of hesitation, the

I

men worthy He had tears

his

had

I

the children of General Habibi friends.

homes

that those orders

my father. demanded an explanation. He assured me of his innocence and told me he would firom

if

couldn't bear the idea that the

I

and beaten and kicked by the army.

come

But

uncle Azzedine

who was

at Skhirat,

whom

assassinated

by

was twenty-two, the

she was dating.

She was

unable to retrieve the General's body from the Avicenne hospital.

Once

again

I

and obtained

spoke to a

new

my

father about

it,

and he gave her money

passport for her so that she could get to France.

She took the name of her maternal grandfather, Marshal Ammezziane, to avoid diflficulties.

Whatever happens keep

my own

to

That shocked me.

me

in

my

life,

I

said to myself,

I'll

always

name.

With each day

that

went

by,

I

became

83

increasingly convinced that

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

I

would

lose

my

premonition: I

confided

coup

I

knew

just

1

my

fears to

couldn't explain this

it.

one of

my

Kamil, the day after the

friends,

not too bad. But just wait, next year things will be

it's

worse,'

said the

I

told him.

same

my

to

father:

'Be careful. You'll suffer the same fate

He

I

d'etat.

'This year

much

father in tragic circumstances.

Medbouh.'

as

didn't answer.

AFTER SKHIRAT

my

After the coup

mother went

upheavals of court. resort in the north

For the

first

London

took the children to Kabila,

I

from the

to rest, far

a fashionable spa

of Morocco.

time

was

I

entirely responsible for

them and

My father, who

usually

worked

morning and returned

the house very early in the

took

I

my

we all home, now left

At the end of the summer

role as the eldest very seriously.

returned to Rabat.

to

at

in the afternoon to

receive ministers and officers.

He became even more

powerful; he had been appointed Minister

of Defence and head of the royal

home

army, the poHce and

man. He seemed broken;

a

air force.

affairs.

friends.

He had gone

back to

I

and

left his

think he was

his first family, the

longer stand our extravagant, luxurious ity

in charge

But he had become

frown never

himself even the smallest pleasures.

He was

life.

He

of the

a different

face

and he denied

still

grieving for his

army, and could no

hankered for simphc-

restraint.

Our change of

lifestyle

was

radical.

At

home he

instigated

a

discipHne that was almost mihtary. Security was tightened, and there

were fewer scroungers and hangers-on. He dictated every our Uves:

we

detail

could no longer watch films or entertain whoever

of

we

wanted. Raouf was made to take Arabic lessons fi^om an officer with Islamist

convictions.

shocked by

this

new

Unannounced

He

criticized

attitude that

visits

we

my way

of dressing.

I

was so

often had rows.

from the King became increasingly frequent.

84

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

He came

near to violating our privacy.

there was a widening

between

rift

my

had the impression

I

The

longer seemed to be the same understanding between them. hostility

silent

between the two men

that

and the King. There no

father

loved most in the world

I

grieved and worried me. I

felt

ill

both

home and

at

The country was

outside.

in the

of a strange mood. The monarchy had been knocked off balance.

grip

For the the

at ease

time, the King's divine

first

power had been challenged

pubhc mind. The sacred person of the

come under

the Prophet, the emir of the faithful, had

Lycee

Lalla Aicha,

my

than

closest

However, and

I

I

found myself increasingly

I

Nobody

isolated.

me

could decently show

friends

I

strike.

heavy hand. At the

father suppressed with a

continued to take part in lessons;

wanted

feared for

my

riots that

In

attack.

January the university students and schoolchildren went on

There were

in

unassailable descendant of

was

other

any sympathy. a bright student

my baccalaureate. But the headmistress herself and advised my parents to withdraw me from

to obtain

my

safety

her establishment. After hours of arguing, Paris

I

managed

me

where they enrolled

name. Against

name

my

wishes

I

me

school rather than put

to

my

mother's

in a student hostel.

had promised to keep an eye on

out in the evenings.

was

It

a

powers of persuasion w^ere too wouldn't allow

'bourgeois' tastes.

I

my

might discover

which

I

and prevent

me

Bemadette, firom going

my

great.

to

buy me

furniture reflecting her for fear

my new

me some

money,

want anything expensive real identity.

She gave I

was living the ultimate

Hfestyle: eating frozen dishes in a

two-bedroom apartment

spent

Bohemian

my

me

friend,

promise she was unable to keep:

mother

didn't

friends

at

the flea market.

in the 16th arrondissement like

me

now MaUka Chenna. My parents also for me a stone's throw from my new

was placed under the supervision of an older

who

to send

the Lycee Moliere, under a false

had been obHged to take

was

I

agreed to rent an apartment

I

them

and, with the agreement of Alexandre de Marenches, the head

of French Intelligence,

I

at

to persuade

seemed

me.

85

I

felt

deliciously

'lefty'

to a spoiled brat

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

was mine and

Paris

Bemadette not

to

tell

made

I

my

sure

parents.

when

evening,

I

come home

was

me

house, Bemadette called 'Malika,

I

became

was

It

Le

but

night,

all

was

I

simple question of pride.

a

Moroccan

party at a

at a little

friend's

of panic.

in a state

away. Your

straight

begging

night,

a regular at clubs like

sometimes staying out

Castel and Regine's,

determined to get good grades.

One

went out every

I

parents keep phoning.

It's

an emergency.'

was one o'clock

It

There was near,

crowd

a

I

Rue

building in

Talma. As

drew

I

—

in the courtyard, in the lobby, in the trees

and on

stairs.

The Moroccan

who

ambassador,

He

tremely agitated.

had just arrived, seemed ex-

explained nothing but told

Bemadette had already packed.

that car.

my

outside

me home.

morning. Someone drove

reaUzed they were uniformed and plain-clothes poHce. They

were everywhere the

in the

I

spent the night

me

told

that

was

to grab a suitcase

virtually

the ambassador's residence.

at

was suspected

it

I

me

pushed into

his

Once

he

there,

Colonel Gaddafi had planned to

that

kidnap me.

He few

asked

had noticed anything unusual during the previous

I

Something came back

days.

had rung our doorbell,

in black that

if

our apartment was for

and

dette

sinister,

followed

when

been the

first

I

had

and they wanted

...

my

them

didn't let

was shopping

Rue

in

view

de

in.

la

A

it.

Httle later,

Bema-

I

was

Pompe. Bemadette had

1

wasn't

It

flew to

parents to

showed me photographs but

my

style

Morocco

aUow me

to

to agree to heavier security.

there

to

to notice.

recognize anyone.

begged

we

so

InteUigence officers

principles

dressed

couple of nights previously, saying

a

sale

men

had inspected them through the spyhole and decided they

I

looked too

The

me. Yes, two burly

to

to

I

refused to

be an informer,

I

had

and stayed for a few days, but go back

to France. In exchange,

For several weeks

it

seemed

I

I

as if

were poHce everywhere.

A month and nearly

before lost

my

an eye.

final

exams,

One

of

my

I

had

a

very serious car accident

friends, Luc, the son

Guelfi, a Corsican businessman and close friend of

86

my

of Andre

father's,

was

at

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

He

the wheel.

hadn't fastened I

was taken

of the vehicle and

lost control

my

I

and went through the windscreen.

seat belt

My

by ambulance.

to hospital

hit a lamp-post.

it

cheek was cut open,

my

my eyebrow was torn, my eye was damaged, my mouth was split in several places. had a

nose was sHced in three,

my

throat gashed and

broken

I

thumb

wrist, a sprained

from concussion. Lying on

comments of the 'What

I

How

I

overheard the

I

was unconscious.

.

.

The King had

My

me.

visit

thought

was suffering

I

.'

terrible

my

had two operations on

success.

all,

it

shame! She's completely disfigured! She must have been

a

so pretty!

crown

a stretcher in casualty,

who

nurses,

and, to

Moulay Abdallah and

sent

mother was glued

continuously.

He

sentenced to

life

Although those prepared to

eye and, luckily, the second one was a

let

come

couldn't

imprisonment

know

the

in

him

in, as

few ministers

a

My

side.

father

to France himself as

as

to

phoned

he had been

Ben Barka trial. Pompidou was speak I made him

absentia at the

in

that

said

soon

my

to

President

was able

I

to

swear not to leave Morocco. I

stayed in hospital for

on

carry

normal.

as

dark glasses

all

I

two weeks.

was

When

in a lot of pain,

the time because the light hurt

Shortly after

I

came

out,

performed the operations.

I

He

went

After a few days

I

a facial

My I

is

I

wanted

to

eyes.

Mora who had

congratulated me. a case.

Your willpower saved

had recovered 50 per cent of

I

scars.

I

from

Today

wasn't able to go back to Paris to have the

last

was before the accident.

facial tics.

I

In prison, for a long

Even now, when I'm

tired or irritated,

nerve sometimes gives an involuntary twitch. parents

made me go home

had decided to take

where

vision.

left

it

removed and undergo physiotherapy.

suffered

my

have been only

virtually as

few

a

stitches

time

my

out,

had to wear huge

eye.'

my face with

I

to see Professor

'Mademoiselle Oufkir, you are quite

your

came

I

and

resits

my

were held

exams

for those

to

Morocco

to finish convalescing.

in October, at the

who

exams in June. Events decided otherwise.

87

Lycee Descartes,

had been unable to take the

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

THE The

King,

had asked

My

ugly.

who was entertaining President Boumedienne of Algeria, me to go and see him as soon as got back to Rabat. felt I

face

was puffy and covered

dark circles under

.

and

USA

send you to the

I'll

it

was the beginning of July.

It

won't show

My

my

that

exams. She agreed to

could study in peace.

I

had become Uke

let

me

stay in

somewhat

whenever he was

day,

or

at

mother owned

a sitting

accompany

Rabat with

my

revise

father so

He was up to his ears in work; the house He never went out, and I saw

able to

coming and going. The atmo-

But

threatening.

still

I

make time

went me,

for

him every

to see

either at lunchtime

jfriend

room,

who was

My father We took the Barely

a

attend.

bedroom and

month

I

villa,

moved

out, together with a

flat

finals.

all

a

weekend

his trips.

I

in Kabila.

was anxious.

my car crash, he had nearly been killed in On another occasion, he had narrowly escaped

after

ceremony

that

a a

he had been unable to

have always suspected, without ever having any proof, that

rift

to get rid

of him.

between the two men was becoming deeper and deeper.

In the middle of a Cabinet meeting, substantial increase in the prices

took out

dehghtful garden.

a

worked

decided that we'd go and spend

attack at an official I

I

Mystere 20 plane he used for

King wanted

The

a tiny

taking her law

heUcopter accident.

bomb

maisonette opposite our

a pretty little

have peace and quiet.

in there to

the

to

the end of the afternoon.

My with

me

staff headquarters.

processions of officers and ministers

sphere was

at all.'

was determined to

1

a car

myself

to see the top specialists,

mother wanted

the family to Kabila for the holidays, but for

and there were

in their Hves: Lalla Malika, Lalla Lamia,

promise you, very soon

I

scars,

eyes.

some time

Next month

.

my

I

lumpy

in

not serious, Malika,' he consoled me. 'Everyone's had

'It's

accident at .

COUP D'ETAT

1972

of

when oil,

they had just voted for a

dreamed of

establishing a constitutional

prince, Sidi

Muhammad, on

the throne.

begun.

88

my

sugar and flour,

revolver and threatened to shoot himself

his

monarchy with

The

battle for

I

father

think he

the

crown

power had

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

That weekend wild.

My

through

a year

dancing I

all

Kabila was unusual and, to be honest, completely

at

father

behaved most oddly. He had

day long.

morning he'd

'Kika,

want

I

us live

of the utmost sobriety, and here he was singing and

had brought over the

in the

made

just

How many

start

pop records from

latest

nagging me:

to dance, put the music

times had

and from ten

Paris,

I

on

full blast.'

me

heard him telling

to turn the

volume

down? I

A

discovered a different father.

real father.

charming, thoughtful and cheerful he could be, partied

from dawn

he woke,

at six,

He was joie

dusk.

till

had forgotten

I

We

a real live wire.

de vivre

The minute

itself

he would go to the beach and He by the water's

who

was the man

edge, alone.

And

He watched

the sun

healed and

shouldn't have been out in the sun, but

I

how

this

rise

normally didn't like the

or scanned the horizon.

My

scars

sea.

had barely

didn't care.

I

It

was

my way

He

took a water-skiing lesson, and he couldn't even swim. As

of saying 'I'm

precaution, he put waist.

He looked

on

so

above

fine' and,

a wetsuit

funny that

and wore

we

a

all,

of being with him.

huge

lifebelt

round

a

his

immediately named him 'Moby

Dick, king of the ocean'. Life

We

was very simple in Kabila.

on doing the shopping

entertained a

mother

insisted

guards.

She discussed the menus with the cook.

My

snap her fingers and be waited on.

on

trunks. In the evening he slipped

the Blue

Men

of

his native south.

over us more than ever. guards.

We

way

had lunch with the Oufkirs

see

my

my

father.

Httle house.

He was

by the body-

wasn't her style to

hved

in his

swimming

Hke the ones worn by

and our company. For our

off was to be able to let

slip

'We

.' .

.

After three wonderful, frenzied days revising in

my

But the shadow of power hung

table

show

to

father

a tunic,

It

but

were surrounded by pohce and armed

Hangers-on sought our

guests, the ultimate

herself, escorted

lot,

One

alone.

I

we

flew home.

afternoon,

at

around

I

six,

joined him in our drawing

looked out onto the garden.

89

on

carried I

went

room

to

that

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

poured him

I

whisky and

a

beside him, stroking his hand,

sat

as

usual.

'Will 'If

sing something with me?' he asked suddenly.

you

you Uke, but what?'

He began

hum:

to

'Lundi matin,

me

serrer la pince

came

prince,

He

.

.

et le

p' tit prince, sont venus chez moi pour

Monday morning,

.

to give

From time 'Come on,

safemme

le roi,

my

hand

to time he gave

a

pinch

me

a

the king, his wife and the H'l .'

.

.

sideways glance.

sing with me!' he said.

never told

wonder about

it;

me why it

he was singing that particular song.

was odd, to say the

least,

and

it

haunted

still

I

me

for a

long time.

One

morning, around nine,

me

caUing

was working when

I

always announce his arrival by telephoning I

opened the door and immediately

his face.

He was

intensity that

I

recoiled, struck

standing there gazing

me

at

me

annoyed with

at

me

plans.

hke

that because

of

my

by the look on

with such love and

wondered whether

I

scars

and

if

he was

for being disfigured.

Then he threw

my

heard him

first.

was taken aback, and even upset.

he was staring

about

I

from the garden. Normally he was considerate and would

his

My

arms around me, hugged

mother had

a

house

in

me

tenderly and asked

Casablanca and

I

had

move there to be closer to my friends, the Layachis. 'I'll be much better ofr" there,' I said. 'The girls will give me a hand with my revision. And don't worry, I won't go out at night, I've got decided to

to get through

my

exams.

I

promise you

I'll

You know I trust you.' Daddy. I know you trust me. You

pass.'

'All right.

'Yes,

don't need to worry about

me.'

My

father,

things to hesitated

do .

.

who that

normally never had any time, always had so

when he

kissed

me

many

he would already be elsewhere,

.

He looked up, swept the sitting room with come to rest on me. 'Darling, you know I love you.' 90

his gaze,

and

let

it

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

was unable to speak.

I

Then he turned on his heel and left. I just stood there without The door opened once more. It was him again. He walked

reacting.

me

over to

and hugged

me

very

At

tight.

he

last

reluctantly,

left,

it

seemed.

A It

little later,

set off for

I

Casablanca.

was 16 August 1972. At around four o'clock

I

was

home,

at

drawing room of our house in Casablanca, surrounded by

We

were laughing and chatting

Prompted by an television.

A

can't explain,

I

switched on the

I

presenter was announcing that there had been a coup

and

didn't

know who was

I

friends.

happily.

intuition that

d'etat

that the royal plane

had been

fired

on over Tetouan. They

responsible for the attack.

rushed over to the radio to pick up France

someone

my

in the

say that

there saying that

my it

father

Inter.

was behind the coup.

had to be him,

information was hazy, nobody

knew

that they

I

waited to hear

My

friends

all sat

were convinced. But

anything for certain;

it

was only

speculation that General Oufkir was involved and that the coup had

succeeded. Order had not yet been restored.

As soon

as

she heard the news,

my

begged her to leave the house with saying she was afraid the

cally,

be

killed

members of I

Layachi's sister

She pointed

army would surround

my

left,

family;

except Houda. the lines

all

just lay there, frantic, not

Around seven

o'clock, the

the toneless voice of a is

her.

Houda

at

me

us, that

hysteriI

would

and they would too.

Everybody quickly

answer.

friend

recording his

last

I

wasn't able to contact any

were busy or there was no

knowing what

phone

rang.

It

was

to do.

my

father.

He had

man who has decided to commit suicide and The effect was terrifying. It was as if a

message.

ghost was talking to me.

He

spoke in

a

detached voice, teUing

me

he loved

me

and

that

he

was proud of me. Then he added: 'I

ask

house I

you

to

remain calm, whatever happens. Don't leave the

until the escort

comes

to get you.'

began to scream.

91

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

'Daddy, year

tell

me

it's

not true,

it's

not going to be

.

of

last

.

you know

'Malika, listen to me. Please keep calm,

He

kept going on and on saying things

him

w^anted

to reassure

But from the that he I

a repeat

.'

was

start

me,

to

tell

me

of our conversation,

didn't

I

I

trust you.'

want

to hear.

so

I

he wasn't behind the coup. understood

I

it

was him.

And

He

said

lost.

couldn't accept his defeat.

sobbed, unable to speak.

I

nothing more, and hung up.

That was the

I

was unable

time

last

to sleep.

I

I

kept

his voice.

muUing over

Something

his strange attitude.

pick up the phone in case

Around

heard

my

father's last

had happened.

terrible

I

words and didn't dare

received confirmation of my worst

I

my

three o'clock in the morning,

fears.

grandfather called me.

'Malika, get in the car and go back to Rabat.'

'No way.

The again.

I

man

old

was

I

must do what

my

father said.

Around

insisted in vain.

still

is

he?'

five o'clock, the

phone rang

lying awake, distraught, imagining the worst.

my

Without beating about the bush, most

Where

mother confirmed what

was

I

afraid to hear:

'Your

father's dead.

Pack your things and come back to Rabat.'

Then

she hung up before I had a chance to reply. Houda had heard the phone ring. She came into my room looking

anxious.

'WeU?'

'My

father's dead.'

She howled, her grief

I

my

arms, noisily expressing

remained detached. That phrase, 'my

meaningless.

Then

cried, flung herself into

It

made no

sense.

the escort arrived.

their condolences.

I

The

was

father's dead',

needed proof.

I

police officers, in tears,

replied mechanically.

I

felt like a

all

offered

me

zombie, incapa-

ble of uttering a word. I

kept saying to myself, over and over again,

people don't die Uke I

went

to the

that,

he can't

window. For

a

'It's

not possible,

die.'

moment,

92

I

clung to that view.

The

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

sun was rising above the trees in the garden, promising a splendid

morning, Hke

the days before

all

tried half-heartedly to

I

he were dead,

'If

changed

outside.'

convince myself.

be able to

I'd

wanted

I

it.

to

beHeve

Something would have

teU. it,

my

but in

heart of hearts

I

knew.

Without him,

it

simply wasn't possible for

life

to

go on exactly

as

before.

MY FATHER'S DEATH

On

the

way back

from the poHce

we were

to Rabat,

escort got out of the car

The scene was I

at a

my

and disclosed

A

roadblock.

guard

Sobbing

identity.

rushed over to me.

officers

mourning,

stopped

still

repeated throughout the journey. Despite their

hoped.

Or

at least,

I

pretended

to.

I

persuaded

myself he was only wounded. Gravely, no doubt, but he was breath-

he was

ing,

alive.

The crowds

me

Perhaps I'd get there in time to talk to him

.

.

.

outside the house and the cars parked everywhere

left

was greeted by my father's brother, looking my grandfather, who also wore a grave expression. He tried to prevent me from entering the house. struggled violently. 'Let me in, Baba El Haj, want to see him. want to know where in

no

further doubt.

I

solemn, and

I

I

I

he

is.'

'A

woman

is

not allowed to see the body of

a

dead man. They're

washing him.'

my

'I

want

I

barged into the

to see

father's body.'

room. The

sitting

body immediately covered their feet.

I

demanded

to

with

it

be

left

a

men

keeping

vigil

over the

white sheet. Everyone rose to

alone, then

I

sat

down

to

contem-

plate him. I

that

frantically searched his impassive features for the sUghtest detail

might reassure

disdainful

executed.

Was

it

little

me

smile

Had he

he had died with

that

on

his

left this life

contempt for the

last

Ups,

hke

all

93

his eyes

There was

a

who have been And why that smile?

those

with indifference?

person

dignity.

had dwelt on?

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

counted the bullet marks on

I

me

one, on his neck, sent

body. There were

his

The

five.

last

been the

into a frenzy of pain. That had

coup de grace.

But the four previous than the

bullets

had surely caused him

more

a lot

pain

one. There was one in the Hver, one in the lungs, one in

last

the stomach and one in the back.

'Only

a

coward could have butchered him

like that,'

told myself

I

in a rage.

room and took

the

left

I

him I

ended

at

I

bag containing

reHeved.

tarily to.

also

I

My

mother,

My

body.

dressed

It

the same time as

his.

'They

The

a drawer,

at least, that

stumbled

I

was

I

we

momen-

could hold

had just arrived from Kabila, asked

had been washed and

cinema. Only his face was

Mummy

of him,

filed

visible.

to see his

combed, and they had

lay in a coffin in the private

He seemed

offering

past,

his hair

He

in an old white jeUabah.

Everybody

They had not been

blood-soaked uniform.

a Httle part

white

a

his glasses.

who

father

him

was

found

his

on

slipped

had to wear mourning to show

I

began to search everywhere. Opening

I

a plastic

on

Hfe had

clothes.

asked for his glasses and his military uniform.

found.

on

my

that

my

all

my jewellery.

removed

jellabah and

off

at

peace.

condolences.

their

Devastated,

sobbed and repeated over and over: killed

him, why? Why?'

were quick

soldiers present

to report

my

mother's words to

the King.

The King had food custom, a household in

mourning

this conciliatory gesture. Besides,

didn't

want

to betray

my

appeasement pays off

Compromise?

It

I

if

he was

was

my

was

really

it

trample

over

all

in the short term,

I

refused

an act of kindness? his corpse.

but the price I

I

is

I

Doubtless too high.

despised the hypocrisy

no longer had any business with the King,

adoptive father. Even

criticized for

some good

father,

According to

Palace.

not allowed to cook.

is

was out of the question.

they expected of me.

even

from the

sent to us

my

behaviour.

souls claimed that the

if it

To

already

justify

King had punished

dared humiliate him by refusing his

94

gift.

How

made me

suffer.

our imprisonment, us because

could

I

I

had

have reacted

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

Otherwise? If

merely

I

hadn't been his adoptive daughter,

king and not

a

vehement

in

behaved with

But our

my all

a father,

refusal,

I

my

in

anger.

I

less

would have

the respect due to his rank.

relationship

was too emotional. In defying him,

pay him back blow for blow. But in everyone

to

he had been

would probably have been

proud

less

if

wanted

I

my

eyes,

else's

behaviour had poUtical overtones.

For the three days prior to the funeral,

My

mother was too

could.

the

Raouf was

man he

The

distraught.

in shock.

had to

I

He

I

looked

try to protect

just lay there.

loved more than anyone

after the children.

else in the

them

He had

best

lost his idol,

world.

daddy was

in heaven, but they couldn't accept that they'd

him

Even

Uttle Abdellatif

never see

understood that something

terrible

had happened. Our friends came and went, trying to comfort Their presence meant

During the

day,

I

a lot,

was

I

things to organize. night,

I

but

me,

We

didn't

was hardly aware of it. was so much to do, so many

I

kept picturing fifth

one in

his neck.

to talk to the press

I

body.

heard

he loved me.

my

who were

The

his last I

wept

harassing us.

A

uncle Azzedine.

'Do you think your brother-in-law was the

My

father's

sleep.

want

joumaUst questioned

suicide

my

that sepulchral voice saying that

but was unable to

us.

didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. Every

reHved the horror.

to

I

in a daze; there

four bullets in his torso and the

words

I

wouldn't stop crying. They had been told that their

girls

again.

as

by shooting himself five

sort

of man to commit

times?'

uncle repHed that General Oufkir had been executed. His

statement was broadcast that evening on France Inter.

My

mother entrusted

friends in Tangier,

my

Mamma

father's

bloodstained uniform to her

Guessous and her husband.

It

was the

only proof of his assassination. She burned another uniform in the boiler of the steam rooms, with the help of her brother Azzedine.

The next

day, the

King

sent the chief of poHce to fetch the uniform.

My mother told him she'd burned

it.

95

Quaking, the

man

repHed:

ALL^E DES PRINCESSES

warned me: "You'll

'His Majesty

you

see, she'll tell

burned

she's

It."'

The

was searched from top to bottom. They had the

boiler

The King understood

remains of the fabric analysed.

my

murder had gone up

father's

one, was never found. over?

We

real

Guessous been forced to hand

it

again.

it

At dav/n on the third day, they came to fetch

had been murdered, he had already earned

were accompanied by

so his remains

proof of

smoke. But the unifomi, the

in

Had Mamma

never spoke about

that the

my

father's body.

As he and

his place in paradise,

women

from the

wails of joy

mourners.

Hassan

II

gave orders for him to be buried in

desert.

My

able to

go and

should

lie

visit his

But

grave.

a

palm

the

men

under

Raouf and

in.

my

home

tree in his

my

in

father's last

covered with mourning

viUage, so

all

to

be

wishes were that he

family accompanied

At Ain-Chair and

resting place.

last

his native Tafilalet

mother would have preferred Rabat. She wanted

my my

mother gave father to his

around, the dunes were

women. They crowded round

the cofFm

sobbing.

He was I

given

simple burial, in

a

have never been there.

I

have

a little

mausoleum near

a feeling that the

day

I

his father.

do go,

will

I

have reached the end of my journey.

The next staff

day,

were

we were

20 August,

fired

and

we were

family remained, including friends: .

.

.

Ann Brown, our

placed under house

locked inside the house.

my

grandfather,

and

a

arrest.

My

Our

mother's

few of our

close

English governess, Houria, Salem, Fatmi

the noose was tightening.

My

mother was put through gruelling

intendent Yousfi,

She had

a

whom we

a

it

in prison.

We

Just as

on

I

by Super-

later, in

prison.

dismissed at the time, but

we

were both galloping on horseback

road that soon turned into

closing in

encounter again

to

prophetic dream, which

often talked about

along

were

interrogations, led

a

tunnel

whose roof was

rapidly

us.

we were

about to be crushed,

96

we managed

to get out.

The

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

horses stopped halfway up a

We

hill.

dream became

clear a

tunnel that was

stifling us, prison.

Another Azzedine,

was

car

in a

soon

my young uncle who by

hit

coma

that

the horses represented

little later:

death

terrible

were overlooking Rabat. This

bringing

struck,

He

of a gendarme.

more

us

was so brave, died in

and the

life,

grief.

a car crash.

His

wasn't killed outright, but lay

for several hours waiting for help that curiously

took

a

long time coming. I

my

had been very fond of Azzedine. friend and

my

He was my

ally in

everything,

He had protected me, made a fuss of me He was handsome, funny, charming and full accident suspicious, and had the feeling that we

brother.

and covered up for me. of

life.

I

found

his

My

weren't being told the truth.

There was too much

mind.

and too many

grief,

the bad times

were only

could save

The King hated

us.

misgivings have never been con-

my

firmed, but the doubt lingers in

My

mother knew

and asked herself

just beginning,

He had

her.

tears.

declared

on

how

she

the radio that

she was the eminence grise behind the coup, and that she had pushed

my

father into

What with

it.

the uniform incident, our proud attitude and the King's

hatred of my mother,

was

talk

it

looked certain she would be punished. There

of her being banished alone. But

separated from her at any price. all

we

children wouldn't be

Wherever she went, we would

go,

of us together, united against the worst.

Throughout those four months and ten days of mourning when

we were I

prisoners in our

own home,

I

tried to

gave the children lessons and tried to

Despite our

grief,

there

were

still

allowed us to laugh and relax a

let

keep up appearances.

them Hve

a

normal

Hfe.

few amusing moments which

a

Httle.

Otherwise our burden would

have been too crushing.

The

place was always

full

of police

another to be on guard duty during

dehcious and w^e were generous.

our friends

We

who

had

left

officers.

Ramadan

We

the house and

found

wanted

asked for some Valium and put

guards, and

it

sent

them

to sleep.

Our

97

a

it

They vied with one because the food was

way of smuggling to see us.

in the tea

friends

in

we

cHmbed over

gave the the walls

ALLEE DES PRINCESSES

and spent

few days with

a

and they

in the tea again

During

that period,

I

The evening they

us.

left

the same

my

stricken.

We were

decided and that

On

would be

I

my

We

in.

But we were

was too young

I

mother too

grief-

sensed that our fate had already been

tragic.

23 December, the mourning period ended.

were preparing

for

My

mother took

Christmas;

off

children

the

few days of fun. Streamers festooned the walls and lamps,

deserved a

and there was

around

it

and

pack what

tried

our best to create

a festive

put presents

atmosphere.

the pohce arrived late that afternoon and ordered us

we would need

to the south of

We

Christmas tree in the Hving room.

a

The head of to

defenceless.

it

her white garb.

all

would we go?

grandfather was too old, and

put Valium

come

they had

often thought about escaping.

too closely guarded. Besides, where to escape,

way

we

left,

for

two weeks.

We

were being taken

Morocco.

They were going

to put seals

on the

front door.

Nobody would be

able to get into our house.

'You have His Majesty's word,' he added. I

was present during the conversation. and

their bags,

was mad. I

had

We

were only going away the

all

chance to wear

new

for

yet, jewellery,

I

ever

come

back,

I

thought,

My

mother thought

two weeks

clothes I'd

.

.

bought in

I

.

Paris

and hadn't

perfumes, handbags and shoes.

'But you won't have anything to wear If

told the children to pack

emptied out the cupboards.

I

gave Houria a

I

it'll

be

when you

get back

.' .

.

a miracle.

my photo albums and letters, including one which meant more to me than anything else. It was a love letter that my father had once sent my mother with a bouquet. took most of my things: practical clothing, my novels, all my school books and those of the children and the photo album of my I

also

gave her

a

box containing

all

I

eighteenth birthday

We

were allowed

choice.

The

cousin of

her

at

ball.

my

first

to take

two people with

us. It

was not an easy

person to volunteer was Achoura Chenna, a

mother's, a year her senior. She had

the age of ten

when

come

she had lost her father,

98

my

to

first

hve with

grandfather's

THE OUFKIR HOUSE

brother.

As

married

a

who was

a little girl she

few months

after

had learned to cook and sew. She got

my

mother, to a primary school teacher

The couple had

a political activist.

a little girl

who

died

as a

baby.

Achoura couldn't have any more

She preferred to seek

children.

a

divorce rather than see her husband acquire a second wife. Left alone, she knocked

on her

cousin's

door and was made welcome. She

became our governess and shared our

and our sorrow, to the

lives

point of following us into the abyss.

The

second, Halima Aboudi, was the younger

She had

Abdellatif's governess.

of Fatima,

our house some time before,

left

by what was happening, and had been hired by General

terrified

DHmi,

sister

my

Halima,

at

man and head

right-hand

father's

of national

eighteen and a half almost the same age

as

security.

me, came

to

condolences and stayed with us during the four months'

offer her

mourning.

When

offered to

come with

Abdellatif

we were

she found out

who was

us:

leaving, she immediately

want

she didn't

from

to be parted

three and a half, and to

whom

little

she was already

deeply attached. 'I

insist

on coming with you,' she begged

Ann Brown,

to follow us.

Palace,

I

left

It

knew more

was out of the question. From or

less

the grim

on Christmas Eve. Three

women

I

was

a

long

rounded by armed

police.

Raouf clenched

fists.

I

his

turned round one

goodbye

for ever.

I

reality.

and

six

children sur-

Maria and Soukaina clung to

me

in fear.

Abdellatif sucked his thumb. last

wept

wasn't crying only for

my friend, also my years at the

what happened when someone was

way from

banished. Yet

mother.

the English governess, and Houria,

wanted

We

my

time to look

silently so as

my father,

I

at

the house and

I

said

not to frighten the children.

was crying

for

my

life,

the

life

I

that

was being taken from me.

The thought of exile was harrowing worse.

I

was the only one to sense

measure.

99

for

all

of us, but for

that this

me

it

was

was no temporary

PART TWO TWENTY YEARS

IN

PRISON

A YEAR IN THE DESERT December 1972-8 November 1973

25

THE ASSA OASIS Where were we

We

were

going?

in a big

radio.

that

I

still

had no

American

blacked-out windows. atmosphere.

I

idea. car,

Our armed

We were

traveUing

which had neither

at night.

curtains

nor

escort tried in vain to ease the

attempted to glean some information from the poHce

I

didn't

know where we were

poUce were positioned

all

being taken, but

along the route and that

gathered

I

we were

being kept under heavy guard. In the early hours, after Agadir, the cars stopped in Goulimine, a village

on the

fringe of the desert.

mayor who had been wife and children.

told he

We

were taken

would be

He welcomed

to the house

of the

entertaining General Oufkir's

us ceremoniously

and

laid

on

a

splendid breakfast. I

didn't

Was my

worst? respect,

to

our I

know what

to think

any more. Was

father really dead?

I

right to fear the

The mayor spoke of him with

he openly paid tribute to him, while the police stayed glued

sides

.

.

.

didn't understand.

But was there anything

were entering the realm of the

to understand?

irrational, the arbitrary.

This was a

country where they locked up young children for their crimes.

We were

entering the world of insanity.

103

We

father's

TWENTY YEARS

•

We

came

full

moon

I

for twenty-four hours, then

back on the road and drove into the

cars

Atlas,

•

•

mayor of GouUinine

stayed with the

we went

PRISON

IN

The

to a halt.

desert. After dark, the

The

scene was one of wild beauty.

almost

High

the arid plateaux and ancient mountains of the

lit

whose rounded peaks were

loved the desert.

had often travelled through

I

when Moulay Ahmed,

silhouetted against the dark sky.

the King's cousin, took Lalla

in the days

it

Mina and me on

educational trips around the country. That time seemed so remote that

I

wondered whether

We

were made

it

had ever

to get out

existed.

of the car and stand in

of wasteland. The pohce took up positions opposite

ened us with

My

think this

I

Unfortunately,

it

is

to brush against

me

and whispered:

was only the beginning.

charade, was simply a to

and threat-

the end.'

my

Subsequent events confirmed

what was

us,

a patch

their Kalashnikovs.

mother contrived

'Kika,

on

a line

manoeuvre

We

come.

fears.

This sudden

and prepare us for

to frighten us

got back into the cars and drove for hours

more. The journey was extremely arduous, especially for the dren: the

girls

nobody

chil-

were nine and ten years old, and the baby, three and a

was hot, and

half. It

this

halt,

we were

thirsty,

to comfort us or appease

At the end of our journey,

hungry and

scared.

There was

our gnawing anxiety.

we

entered

a tiny village

which we

managed to glimpse before the cars drove into an army barracks. gathered from the police radio that

we were

in Assa, a

remote spot

I

in

the middle of the desert, near the Algerian frontier.

In the days of the French Protectorate, these barracks had been a place of exile

where the French

sent dissidents

and

opposed the regime. The buildings were ancient, repair,

and

some

in

places the

in a

screams.

ing had collapsed in the night, and seven mouhazzin

—were

dead under the rubble.

windows and saw

The

police

We

state

A

of

A

build-

—auxiHary

clung to the bars

the bodies being carried away.

who

poor

who

masonry was crumbhng.

The next morning we were woken by inhuman diers

politicians

at

sol-

the

bad omen.

had escorted us were aU from Rabat. They had

104

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

and

great affection for our family

But others awaited

father.

We

were

us,

showed

visibly

and they had very

Uke

to be treated harshly,

different instructions.

We

prisoners.

my

their grief for

didn't

know

these

men. They had been recruited from the remotest regions of Morocco to avoid any connivance with us. Their superiors,

on the other hand,

came from Rabat.

We

were taken

wizened old man

were

set

to

mud

a

out nine round loaves and a few

inwardly

at this

as if

Even though

comic

detail.

a table

He wore

was

on which

false

teeth that

spit

them out

he was either going to I

tiny,

of sardines.

tins

This was Bouazza, the camp commander.

or swallow them.

by

in a military jellabah stood

jiggled around; he looked

A

house inside the barracks.

terrified,

couldn't help smiHng

I

Bouazza belched and yelled

that

from

now on we must obey his orders and he knew he could break us. And we'd better not complain because he received his orders directly from the King.

bowed my

I

only

head. Bouazza was bawling and shouting, but he was

his master's voice.

And

his

master had pronounced his fmal

judgement, in keeping with the logic of the world in which

been

raised.

As

a loyal subject,

had no option but to accept

I

I

had

it

and

resign myself to submission.

However, Bouazza was out of been

in charge

depth in

this situation.

of the military prison of Kenitra for forty

had witnessed coups ers,

his

d'etat,

He had

years;

he

he had guarded dozens of political prison-

but he had never had to lock up three

women

and

six children.

His grasp of our case was limited to two things, and he boasted

about them out loud:

'Subdue the Oufkirs. King's

For of

a

long time

I

remained in

Hfestyle, the transition

still

orders.'

a state

of shock over our

from wealth

to poverty.

luxury compared with what was in store.

fastidious pigsty.

I

blankets

about clean linen and

found

I

toilet facilities,

drastic

And

was and

change

yet this was

fussy, obsessively

this place

was

a

everything repulsive, the coarse, grey, filthy miUtary

thrown over foam

mattresses, the horrible walls, the flaking

105

TWENTY YEARS

plaster

and sandy

of the

floors

IN

PRISON

mud

little

house where

we and

our

luggage had been deposited. Luckily, the children's innocent playfulness and the insouciance of

We

up.

my

eighteen years helped keep our

turned the whole thing into

The next day

set to

1

work.

a

spirits

joke.

explored every comer of the tiny

1

house. There were three narrow rooms with mattresses on the floor,

and

on

was

that

it.

There were no cupboards so

Nor was

sheets.

there any running water.

we

arranged our things

We

were given buckets

of water for washing, drinking and doing the

dishes. In the barracks,

we were conscious of the guards everywhere. As we unpacked, noted bitterly the

contrast

wretched place and our expensive

We

I

around twenty designer

to bring

Gucci

—

clothes.

filled

suitcases

—

from Geneva, while

I

Hermes and

Vuitton, life,

my

mother

couture houses and the children's

Paris

combed

this

had been allowed

with pretty things. In our former

bought her clothes from the

between

the designer stores

of Paris, London

and Milan. In the desert,

that suddenly

all

seemed so

ludicrous.

My mother had left nearly all her jewellery behind, bringing only a httle case with her. We had managed to bring our stereo system with our records and shortwave

us,

stations I

all

over the world.

worked on and

generator.

The

set

I

It

up the record

off depending

came on only

hghts were so

dim

at

that

me

and asked everyone to help

distributed water and soap,

Then Raouf and that

could tune in to

transistor radios that

player.

had

a sort

of fridge

on the whim of a temperamental

night and

we

We

clean.

felt

made an

though

as

infernal racket.

we were

living

by

candlelight.

Despite everything, in the evenings player and

we'd Hsten

for a while to

speed, and to the radio.

We

I

would plug

our LPs playing

I

was

now

old habits;

I

the

wrong

We

made

even bred scorpi-

races.

living a fairy tale in reverse.

princess and

at

played cards with the children and

every effort to create an agreeable atmosphere.

ons and organized

in the record

I

I

had been brought up

had turned into Cinderella. Gradually,

I

shed

as a

my

always wore the same old clothes rather than clean

106

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

and

trousers

you

teaches

To

too

much of the

past.

The

desert

to strip yourself to the bare essentials.

we

pass the time,

because

me

reminded

shirts that

we were

a

long

Our food was

ate continuously.

way from

rationed

were rough

the town, the tracks

Our

and bumpy, and the market came only every three weeks. of bread,

rations consisted

to complain about yet.

our

we had

true,

It is

often than mutton. But

more

liking,

and honey, but

oil

we

didn't have anything

goat meat, too pungent for at least

we had enough

to

eat.

we Hngered over breakfast. We all did the washing and then we started preparing lunch. My mother and

In the morning,

up

together,

I

divided the tasks between

She cooked and

us.

bowl outdoors. HaHma and Achoura helped

We

out for hours, until darkness

we went

to bed.

The

the house was freezing and

We

would drag

when Mother

nights

seemed

read us stories

endless ...

often found

it

tea

Then we had

with sudden swiftness.

fell

we

us.

the Httle patio.

followed by long evenings

dinner,

before

on

spent most of the day

did the washing in a

I

It

was winter,

difficult to get to sleep.

Gas lamps were our only source of heating.

Everything seemed worse

childhood radio:

at

the Palace.

Europe

1,

the same time

moment.

I

it

My

only Unk

had been during

couldn't do without

was

Every song reminded

torture.

my

was

past

friends,

fatal,

I

alive,

my

with the outside world was the

Inter.

I

my

found

away from everything and everyone been walled up

as it

RFI, France

yearned for

dweUing on the

at night, just

I

it

past.

too

loved.

me

Though

I

it,

of

a

felt as

Hke in the Middle Ages, and

I

though

at

happy

knew

difficult to tear I

and

that

myself I

fought back

had

my

screams. In the dark

I

wept over the

could hear loss

freedom. Her Hfe

By

dying,

my

woman

tears,

had ended

had condemned

she often read the Koran, and

puffy with

mother sobbing. Alone

in her bed, she

of her husband more than over the

as a

father

my

how much

I

at

loss

of our

the age of just thirty-six.

her to soHtude. During the day

could see from her sad eyes, always

she suffered.

Each day we were allowed

to

go into the

107

village in the oasis for

TWENTY YEARS

tAvo hours.

refused, at

I

keep

to

first

PRISON

IN

my

she didn't want to go out, but above

be dependent on

going to

mother company, because

So Myriam, Achoura, Halima, Mother and

I

while the children went out, accompanied by

were always very kind

Men

the Blue

lived,

henna, dates, baskets their

Those a

woven by

the

mule

for a

at

talk

a

game

At

last

that

cakes.

they had

about their discoveries.

seemed

to him.

full:

the same time, the villagers

for the children.

Abdellatif especially

life.

who

home with their hands women. When they realized

were very important

and everything was

four,

police escort

a

them. They visited the palm grove where

chance to express themselves and

the school of

stayed in the house

and gave them bread hot from the oven, and

tea

visits

was not

I

and always came

came back every day

little visitors

made them

to

myself

to assert

all

their goodwill.

thrilled.

He was

He

was

It

wasn't yet

put on the back of a

and he was taken to see the cows, calves and

ride,

chickens.

A

village

woman

gave each bird ingly,

a

We

gave us some chicks. There was one each.

name and

attributed characters to them. Unsurpris-

they each mirrored the personality of their owner. Those

away the

creatures helped us while

time.

We

little

talked about them,

played with them and tried to get them to sleep in cardboard boxes. In the evening they led us a

merry dance when we

tried to catch

them. They scattered throughout the house squawking, and the children laughed and chased them. I

make them beheve

tried to

They had

that

our

great

life

fiin.

was almost normal.

created an imaginary world for them, inventing games and

up

stories.

I

wanted

to

keep them from worrying. Gamely, they went

along with me, but they

temporary

Even

as

I

knew

'When I'm

very well that our situation was not

would have them

Abdellatif knew.

grasshopper, in his a

little

big

I

making

boy

I

as

believe.

can

still

picture him,

knee-high to

a

blue tunic, saying with his slight hsp: I'U

have

a

houth, but not Hke thith, and

it'U

have loths of carpeths, not thand.' I

could imagine what the others must have been feeHng

fellow

still

had such vivid memories of our past

108

life.

if this Uttle

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

A BRIEF STAY

AGDZ

IN

28 April-30 May 1973

One morning double.

We

we were made

the end of April,

at

were taken

questions; they

drove for eighteen hours without

We

were

treated

more

powdered-milk

At dusk

we

tin

without

poor

arrived in a

We

mayor's house.

and peacefully.

We

the

women

shouting and playing,

vans with blacked-

We weren't

had to take turns to use

a

a Hd.

We

Normal

were locked up

month,

stayed there for a

A fountain,

and were

way.

a stop, in

village.

without ever being allowed out.

this

had

villagers

harshly than before.

allowed to get out, not even to pee. small

caught snatches of talk

who we were

had found out

outraged that children should be treated in

out windows.

we

sudden departure. The

suggesting the reason for this

We

between

to Agdz, a village in the desert,

Zagora and Ouarzazate. By eavesdropping,

begun asking

to leave at the

life

went on

wind murmuring

in the

in total darkness,

outside, simply

in the trees, children

laughing, dogs barking.

was heart-

It

breaking to hear those famiUar sounds, so close and yet so

far

beyond

our reach.

To

kill

made

time,

little

we were

dishes

treat for the

a

by candleUght, and

children.

which made them

I

felt

I

still

To

I

was happy to play along

I

travelled in sit

pancakes, a

it

up

in a

was Hke being

at

at their level.

row and

filth,

the military

the lack of

toilets. I

my

imagination.

I

would pick up

my

the children in a circle around me. all

dreamed of that country. and mountains, the

beaver dams. to

mother

a spoiled brat.

survive,

'After this,' I'd say, 'we'll

lakes

them

wretched about the basic amenities, the

geography book and

I

made Moroccan

My

organized toad races and farting contests,

blankets, the hospital beds lined

was

I

shriek with laughter. For

hoHday camp and But

always cooking and eating.

vast

I

go and Uve

in Canada.'

described to

snowy

them

in detail the forests,

expanses, the Mounties and the

The more they thought up

objections, the

more

convince them. Even Mother got caught up in the game:

109

I

tried

TWENTY YEARS

'No, not Canada,' she'd

How

the family?

We

still

had

too cold, and too

say. 'It's

come and

will they

PRISON

IN

ties.

name go down

He seemed

in history in this way.

hope. If the press were writing about

The world would not

We

were

new

This

me.

On my and

human

article

very proud to

That gave us

meant we long

.

a little

existed.

still

.

.

nature.

period of incarceration marked an important stage for

Agdz,

arrival at

developed the mentality of treated,

us, that

tolerate such an injustice for

fuU of illusions about

still

was an

told us there

about us and about him in Paris-Match. his

about

see us?'

Bouazza arrived one morning and

have

What

far.

how

I

was

now

We

returned to Assa

certain that there

normal person;

And

was

yet that

treated in future,

would be no end

the

at

a

still

a prisoner.

would be

I

was

hadn't yet

I

how

wherever

to the

I

was

went.

I

I

bad times.

end of May. Our Uving conditions had

changed. Beyond the barracks was

a

patch of waste ground where,

during our absence, a prefabricated hut of the most rudimentary type

had been erected. The

But at

it

us to die.

Not

The house had and

and ceiHng were

was more robust than the barracks

any moment, which

want

walls, floor

a string

probably

is

yet.

We

why

they'd built

room,

a haU, a sitting

palatial.

mountains.

a

Fundamentally, far

an escort; several

back I

So, they didn't

bathroom with

shower,

a

as

this I

house,

last

The view was nothing but

We

escorted by the guards

As

it.

settled in.

of rooms leading off a corridor. Everyone had their

seemed almost

Hfe.

dun-coloured.

that threatened to collapse

bedroom. After the cramped conditions of the

that, the

all

this

own one

sky and, beyond

were allowed out onto the waste ground,

who

kept a constant watch on

was not so much of

could remember,

had never opened

a

I

a

change from our past

had never gone out without

window without

armed police responsible

for

us.

my

safety.

glimpsing one or

Here, instead of

protecting us, they were watching us. Excursions to the village were

out of the question now. Nor, despite our requests, were to send or receive letters. father.

We

He promised he would,

asked a guard to contact

but

failed to

no

keep

his

we

my

word.

allowed grand-

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

One

of the children discovered

explore the basement. Perhaps

The

it

and

a trap door,

would be

round

idea of escaping was already going

we

decided to

possible to dig a tunnel? in

our minds. But

we

we were

covered in

hundreds of cockroaches that were swarming over the

cellar walls

barely had time to descend the ladder before

and

floor.

the nightmare began. During the day the

With summer,

55°C

eter reached

in the shade,

thermom-

down on

and the sun beat

the

corrugated iron roof At night the heat rose from the sand and rocks

where

had accumulated during the

it

Above our heads

day.

corrugated iron expanded, making a terrible racket. ingly hot,

Hke an oven, and

we

spent

all

It

was

the

suffocat-

our evenings and nights

outdoors.

To

we

help us sleep a

Uttle,

we wrapped

continually sprinkled with water.

ourselves in

We

wet

sheets that

covered the water jugs with

cloths so as to have cool water. Luckily, they didn't ration

wet

our

water.

With

the dry season

window

came the sandstorms. The

panes and the house was

covering our faces and bodies.

venomous

We

ings.

spiders that

also tried to

It

full

gales shattered the

of sand, which got everywhere,

brought with

it

huge, hairy, highly

were indistinguishable from

their surround-

avoid the thousands of scorpions that sHpped in

everywhere, under the beds, on the walls and between our sheets.

My

mother and

I

which made

get rid of them,

we

didn't

bitten.

know

He was

scrubbed the whole place from top to bottom to us the laughing stock of the barracks;

that scorpions love moisture. Bouazza's wife got

exasperated because

we

miraculously avoided their

stings.

To make

we

stayed

stories.

the days pass

awake

When

the children. play.

I

it

till

faster,

dawn.

We

fmaUy grew

invented

we

morning, which meant

fooled around,

cooler,

a little

slept all

I

we

at

Raouf opened

town, and gave each person

home. Abdellatif was her a pizzeria,

'Bobino, the Chip King'.

and put up

You had

to

we

told

organized games to entertain

Soukaina was the dressmaker, Hke the ones

Jewish quarter

played and

we had

a part to

seen in the

helper.

a sign at the

pay to

entrance that said

eat there.

Maria was

TWENTY YEARS

the hairdresser, and

PRISON

IN

played the manicurist/chiropodist/beautician.

I

Mother was our customer who needed her ment, then went for

beauty

daily

treat-

dressmaker's and had lunch

a fitting at the

at

Bobino's. I

had

my

back into

fallen

was forbidden

old Palace ways: play-acting the things

I

to experience for myself

•ZOUAIN ZOUAIN BEZEF' Bouazza was so intimidated by Rabat harsh disciplinary measures.

my

mother and

And

He

us.

threatened

of us.

He began

he erupted.

he instigated increasingly

he began to abuse

lost control in front

One morning

that

yelling so loudly that he

nearly lost his false teeth. 'I've

worked

anyone but men! This

on me:

my

in

killing a

life

did

He went

I

but I've never .had to guard

in prisons for forty years is

woman

the worst possible thing they could inflict

out, visibly agitated

told

clairvoyant

who

us

that

in

and

the

village

Some time later, he camp. He seemed reheved.

ranting.

still

there was

an extraordinary

could predict the future and was never wrong.

doubt the seer had foretold This was

never

think I'd have to do such a thing!'

informed us he would soon be leaving the

Then he

my job,

and her children! That's not

his

impending departure

when Bouazza changed

to us and, unbelievably,

his attitude

.

.

No

.

and became kinder

he ended up bringing the clairvoyant to see

us.

He was

a

man of

indeterminate age. His face and body were

completely twisted, and he was unable to stand or walk. His stomach

and chin dragged on the ground, and

PoUce

officers lifted

all

his

limbs seemed paralysed.

him up and dropped him

at

our

feet like a sack

of potatoes.

He was accompanied by skin.

She removed her

a village

veil,

woman,

a

and placed next

straw sieve containing flour. Customers

12

moved

Berber with very dark to the old their

man

a flat

hands across the

A YEAR IN THE DESERT

was

prints closely

and the clairvoyant studied the

flour

—even though he

blind.

He

my

spoke to

The

him.

different

mother

Middle

dialect in the

from

who knew spoke with

all

of the

that

Berber but she couldn't understand

in

desert.

where she came from, was

Atlas,

My

was one of the few people

father

The man

four Berber dialects spoken in Morocco.

dribbHng copiously

difficulty,

The woman accompanying him

when he opened

translated.

of

First

He

mouth.

he said

my

on

shouldn't expose myself to the sun because of the scars

That impressed us because he couldn't see them.

his

all

face.

me

gave

I

an

ointment. 'Put that

on your

face,

and

Time

in time they'll fade.

is

the best

healer.'

He

explained that

should add dried and powdered chameleons

I

mixed with camel's milk this

preparation in

aged

skin,

He

I

my

to the ointment.

can vouch for

its

Mimi and

one another's

health.

My

her epilepsy.

parents had

and the United

we were

was incurable. Now, however,

interested in

my dam-

on

it

effectiveness.

consulted the top speciaHsts in France it

should put a few drops of

nose every day. Having tried

talked to us about

knew

I

We wanted to

and

States

really

not that

hear what he had to

say about our future.

'When

will

we

and friends again?

We 'It

get out of this hell?

When

will

we

When

will take a

it

will

be

He

gave

terrible.

intervene and the whole world will talk about

you want

My

in the

end

.

.

.

But

do since faUing prey

added

warn you,

it

will

it.

be

see our family

normal

a a

long

Hfe?'

sigh:

But

a

You

will get

a

miracle will

what

very long time.'

mother pressed him to be more precise about the time in-

volved, but he wasn't able to to

I

we

be able to return to

plagued him with anxious questions.

long time, and

will

that

we had all

Every time

This was something he refused

woman told us. He simply because we were descendants of

to evil spirits, the

special protection

the Prophet, and that predictions

tell us.

we would

never suffer any serious

illnesses.

His

turned out to be true.

we

felt

overwhelmed, when

113

we

reached the depths

TWENTY YEARS

of

each time one of us was on the verge of cracking up,

despair,

we would

PRISON

IN

repeat to ourselves, in Arabic, the

words of the blind old

man. 'Zouain zouain hezef.

it

be miraculous, very miraculous.'

will

This prophecy helped us hold out for twenty years.

During our

my

of

early years in prison,

father.

my

relived

I

pranks, our laughter,

my

dreamed only of the King, never

I

tete-a-tetes with him,

our special moments.

my

never revisited happy family scenes, or painful ones,

I

death or the mourning that followed

my

stolen

my

I

had nothing but happy

childhood even though, in

a

sense,

had been

it

from me.

would wake

I

father's

There was no resentment in

it.

dreams, no confrontation or rebellion.

memories of

my

hfe at the Palace, the concubines,

up,

overcome with shame and

uncomfortable, but

couldn't share

I

guilt.

with

this

was troubled,

1

my

They

family.

wouldn't have understood.

for

sisters,

I

breaking pain of knowing one's It

was

infinitely painful to

persecutor and to have

felt,

kill

my

also

I

me

to have

what

prison,

discovered the heart-

enemy and being

close to him.

been brought up by

my

for too long, that ambivalent mixture

love and hatred towards him. At

were complicated,

on entering

already knew,

and abandonment meant. But

loneliness

to

my

probably coped better with our twenty-year ordeal than

I

brothers and

my

first,

difficult to disentangle.

of

feelings towards the

King

My own

tried

adoptive father. As a result he was dead.

had

father It

was

a tragedy.

My tragedy. Sometimes for.

owed

father so in

my

know which one

was the product of

grieve

was,

I

didn't

I

I

to the

much.

mind.

I

I

If

I

still

missed most, which one to

Palace upbringing; everything raised

me. But

I

loved

became confused, continually turning

tried to

my

'if

only

II

as

I

hadn't done

this'

I

real

things over

understand and constantly imagined

things might have turned out

hadn't done

my

man who had

I

or

'if

how

only

I

that'.

respected Hassan

despot he had

become

my

the day he had

114

adoptive father,

begun

I

hated the

to persecute us.

A YEAR

I

hated

him

for his hatred,

IN

I

THE DESERT

hated

him

for

my

ruined Hfe, for

mother's misery and the mutilated childhood of

my

my

brothers and

sisters. I

up

hated a

him

woman

for the irreparable crime

and

six children, the

for such a long time

and

in such

he had committed in locking

youngest of whom was only three,

inhuman

15

conditions.

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT November 1973-26 February 1977

8

GLAOUI PALACE

A

song rose up in the darkness.

led

I

joined by those of Raouf, Mimi, the

it,

girls,

and soon

my

my

voice was

mother, Achoura and

HaUma. The words sang of exile and hope, and of nocturnal departure. '

It

was our

story.

Vous avez poignarde nos

knife,'

The

The

went the chorus, first

singers

time

were

a

—You have

cut through our lives like a

'but justice will always prevail.'

heard

this

song on the radio,

composed

the chorus, that he had

We

and

truck, also

began to

sing.

crammed

hugged the

1

were unaware,

little

as

The

into an

ones to

me

cried.

We

were made

to leave Assa at the beginning

explanation for this hasty departure. I

in Assa.

the song for us.

pohce officers escorting us on this third journey,

armoured

we were

very popular band of young Moroccans. Darham,

was married to one of my cousins.

their leader,

we echoed

we

vies

beheved

I

On

understood the reason.

Green March,

a peaceful

of winter, with no

thinking about

a Httle later,

march by hundreds of thousands of Moroc-

cans to reclaim the Western Sahara from Spanish rule.

moved away from too much support.

it

The King was preparing the

the south,

my

family's birthplace,

116

We

had to be

where we had

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

In the truck that

had

was taking us to our new destination, the guards

laid a red carpet

for the children.

on

the floor, and there

Our youth and

ebullience

were pitchers of water still

triumphed, and in

we tried to be lightMimi was our favourite target. Despite the gruesome condiwhich we were travelling, she managed to sleep, snoring

of the gloom, the dust and our anxiety,

spite

hearted. tions in

with her mouth open, her face covered in sand which got in everywhere. She was such

a

we

comical sight that

couldn't help laughing

and making fun of her. At one car rally

halt,

I

saw

of

a cavalcade

was being held

and motorbikes drive

cars

in the desert.

We

were only

from the competitors but they couldn't see had no inkling of our existence.

Life

us,

by.

A

few metres

a

couldn't hear us and

was going on,

a stone's

throw

away, and nobody knew, or wanted to know. After a long and exhausting journey like the previous ones, arrived at Tamattaght, far

remote than the life.

We

desert, a

were

last,

further and further

installed in a

huge

removed from our former

fort that majestically

dominated the

ruined palace whose high walls blocked out the

You could and ceihngs

still

see vestiges

in pastel tones

to the pasha El Glaoui

we

beyond Ouarzazate. Each place was more

sky.

of past splendours, hand-painted walls

and gold. Tamattaght palace had belonged

of Marrakesh

who

had lived in even greater

luxury than the legitimate sovereign.

We

entered the fort through

were given two rooms

huge blue door. The nine of us

a

to live in,

on the

with a beaten-earth floor served

as

provisions and trophies in another

pokey

riddled with

one,

we

put

homed it

asps

Httle

We

a

cavern

stored our

room: the place was

we caught HaHma found a

and scorpions, and each time

in a large bottle filled with alcohol.

huge python coiled up on the guards.

Below,

first floor.

our kitchen.

itself,

which scared

us

less

than

it

terrified

They rushed out of the room.

We washed downstairs by the fire that was kept aUght during the My mother had contrived an ingenious sauna system. We made

day.

a sort

of Indian tee-pee with

covered in

plastic

Mother heated

sheeting over

stones until they

with

a

rope and

which we placed our

blankets.

five thick reeds tied

were white hot and placed them

117

in a

TWENTY YEARS

bucket inside the

little

stones gave

of

first

Each of us had our 'shower'

Mother with Abdellatif, then the

all

Mimi, followed by Raouf and was

PRISON

She sprinkled water over them and the

tent.

delicious heat.

oft" a

IN

in turn,

ones and me, then

httle

Achoura and Halima. For

lastly

us,

it

going to the hammam, the Turkish baths, which was always

like

a

joyful occasion.

Very high, steep

opened onto

the steps, a door coftin.

This

At the end was

a

two main rooms. At

very long corridor,

room where we

a tiny

room was windowless, but we were

found an opening,

We with

led to the

stairs

that

concrete floor,

'alcoves', in actual fact

my

mother

The at

our

our domain:

two

a

washbasin and

pompously named

was pretty

basic,

but

up the

we

tried,

place.

The

we

hung photos on

the walls and

we

all

hole serving

we

arranged

a mattress

where

bedside tables were

covered with pretty

slept in the first alcove, it

was so cold

lamps. In summer, the heat was

fabrics;

we

trinkets

around

mattresses

on the

and

kiUed them with clubs. rat

that

on straw

we warmed

stifling.

The

our hands over gas

desert

overwhelmed

us.

made aggressive by hunger. We When Raouf threw a bucket of water over

often had visitors: huge

one, the

corridors.

cosier.

floor. In winter,

We

room

with the scant means

scattered mirrors

Initially

a

'the patio',

rug where Abdellatif played, and

disposal, to brighten

it

a

spent the day listening to the radio and reading.

furniture

make

cramped

high-ceilinged, dark,

simply Coca-Cola crates that

to

when we

to discover later,

by narrow skyUghts and flanked by two

lit

the room,

tables for lessons, a

as a

stored our luggage.

steps to reach

These were our bedrooms. There was as a toilet. In

narrow

faced an oasis.

it

had to go up another three a

as

the top of

rats,

went crazy and hurled

itself at

my

brother, biting his

face.

Our nights were turbulent. My mother was worried; every night, when she read by the hght of the gas lamp, she felt a breath on her cheek, a presence at her side. Raouf had terrible nightmares. Around

four o'clock in the morning,

I

would hear

muttering, people carrying empty buckets to and from the

up and down the

stairs.

These ghosts

118

terrified

me.

footsteps, toilets

One

and

evening.

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

when

had

I

installed

myself in the middle of the room,

I

distinctly

woman as small as an elf lying down on top of me and squeezing me until choked. woke the others. Nobody was able to felt

a

I

I

get back to sleep and

away the

chase

We

Mother had

He beheved built

tion?

Do

Koran

until

one of the more sympathetic poHce

told this story to

been

to read us the

dawn

to

spectres. officers.

and told us that the place was cursed because

us,

it

had

Had we suffered a collective hallucinacome back to haunt us? It was one

over a cemetery.

the souls of the dead

thing to rebel against tangible enemies, but fighting against supernat-

was well beyond our resources.

ural beings

We moved ghosts

—

months, our nocturnal

I

devoted the

life.

I

Our day seriously.

I

We woke work

at

a routine that

was

as

revolved around lessons.

settied in

up

Raouf in

at

My

mother

and, after a few

it

and organizing our

normal I

them with

a

from everyone and every-

took

as possible.

my

role as teacher very

The two

instigated three different levels.

in the juniors,

to

children and provide

to protect the

imposed

indeed they were

if

in evidence.

less

structure. In this unreal existence, cut off

thing,

—

disappeared altogether.

visitors

few days to getting us

first

wanted

I

ghosts

on her cheek but she got used

a breath

still felt

much

came, but they were

still

The

to the other alcove.

the senior school and

little girls

Mimi

were

in the top class.

about seven, washed and had breakfast before starting

eight thirty.

asked them to

I

make

gave the a

little

ones a French dictation and then

summary, give an

analysis

of the text and

answer some grammar questions.

Then

I

gave them some

work

same with Raouf and Mimi. the gaps and I

I

to

do on

improvised

as

I

own, and did the

went

along, filled in

went over anything they hadn't understood.

made each of them

learn five or six

the dictionary definition, and then use essay.

their

Eventually

charge of maths;

I

new words them

added EngUsh and Arabic

we went

a day,

along with

in sentences or a as well.

little

Raouf was

over the syllabus together and he taught

in it

to the children.

Meanwhile,

my

mother cooked lunch.

119

We

weren't rationed, but

TWENTY YEARS

we

had no

played with him

Then

AbdeDatif She taught him the alphabet and

little

as if

PRISON

cream, eggs or sweets for the children.

fruit, butter,

she looked after

IN

he were

at

nursery school. Achoura and Halima

helped Mother with the cooking, cleaning and laundry, and looked after

who

and Achoura, I

they had

moment, Halima

a spare

knitted

couldn't read or write, revised the French lessons

gave her.

morning

After our

and a

When

our suppHes.

down

sat

chance to

to eat. School

rest

we

but

lessons,

Raouf and journeys

who

we washed

our hands, stretched our

resumed

two, which gave

and Usten to the

chose

the

On

and debated

allowed

six

me, about

We

his

we went

o'clock

out into

a

gloomy

which gave

ramparts,

it all

mother

morning.

we went on

loved geography, and

also

Ludwig

talked about

country and

conventional education, but they preferred

Around

my

it

history.

its

imaginary

We

We

were

surrounded by high

us the feeUng of being walled in. air.

wasn't a

It

that way.

courtyard,

our only opportunity to get any fresh

First

o( Bavaria

II

'outside', to let off steam.

Httle

legs

Saturdays there were no

ones were particularly interested in the

over the world.

fascinated

at

radio.

a discussion topic

little

World War. They all

classes,

But

was

that

spread out a carpet, Ht

and Mother made pancakes. We relished this way of enjoying being together as a family. break, which was also a Then it was bath time, then dinner and compulsory reading. The a small charcoal brazier,

girls

had no trouble reading. Raouf was more

read only war stories, adventure books and in the Indochina war. later at

We

reluctant.

tales

of

He would

pilots or soldiers

read until ten o'clock during the week,

weekends.

At night, terrified

us;

bats later

came and perched on our

we

heads.

At

first

waited eagerly for them to create

a

they great

commotion.

month we organized a show, which we rehearsed enthusione in French and one in 1 would make up two plays,

Once

a

astically.

Arabic.

I

was barely twenty years old and

I

had incredible energy.

used the others, their youthfulness and naivety, to help

childhood dreams.

I

was

—

pher and conductor

me

fulfil

I

my

alternately playwright, director, choreogra-

creating something at

120

last.

My

father and King Hassan

My

father and

mother

in

II.

1

afp

969.

OPPOSITE top: King Hassan Lalla

Mina and

(right)

OPPOSITE bottom:

me

II

with Princess

at age eight.

The Royal

Palace at Rabat.

Camera Press/Nicole HerzogVerrey

TOP:

Heady days of freedom: me

at age seventeen.

bottom: At eighteen, the would-be

film actress.

Tamattaght, 1974: pictures smuggled out of gaol.

top:

(left

to right) Abdellatif, Maria, Malika, Raouf, Myriam and Soukaina.

bottom: Mother with Abdellatif.

Mugshots

top:

(left

after

our recapture.

AFP/Popperfoto

to right) Abdellatif, Fatima, Myriam, Maria.

bottom: Malika, Achoura, Soukaina, Raouf.

LEFT: still

After release from house arrest, but

not

free: 1994.

BELOW: Maria arrives at Orly airport Spain, June

I

996.

Reuters/Popperfoto

via

My wedding

to Eric

in Paris,

10

October

1998. ©Amaud

Fevher

Mother and me.oAmaudFevrK

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

We we

we

sang,

danced,

we mimed. Our

We

put on these shows for her.

delving into our store of clothes to I

gave Achoura

sole audience

took great pains over the

when

she was going to

one of her songs. The poor dariing knew hardly

sing

French: she was such a sight

all

and over again. The Frequently

my

play

under

would swap

and draw

jellabah

would

I

a

a litde

wife.

Moroccan

had Mother

was

effect

steps

comical.

irresistibly

roles round.

I

would put on

my

Raouf

bosoms

his tall stature, hairy calves, false

in stitches for the entire

man's

a

chin, while

and exaggeratedly effeminate

dress

the words

we'd made her rehearse over

goatee beard under

With

word of

a

miming

dressed in black,

and executing the poses and dance

details,

make costumes.

MireiUe Mathieu haircut

a

was Mother;

he

gestures,

two-hour duration of the show.

Seeing her happy, even for a brief moment, was our finest reward.

Sometimes, on Saturday evenings,

Monte

we would

Carlo. Soukaina and Raouf, the

roulette

mother

wheel and drew helped us put the

chick pea served

a

of the family, made

and firom

Kelly,

plunge-backed evening

dress,

princess wasn't obvious, he

still

structed shops, as

we

we

Monopoly

A

in the right order.

If his

coiffed.

a

memory my

Raouf played Grace

was elaborately

his hair

table,

numbers down

a ball.

He wore

Prince Rainier.

up and

as

gaming

a

artists

recreate the casino of

and

dried

was

I

and make-

resemblance to the

looked magnificent.

We

had done in Assa, but on a grander

also

con-

scale,

and

them Yahtzee which

I'd

often teU the children stories about the highlights of

my

even made

a

set.

I

taught

played with Alain Delon. I

would

teenage years.

ward

My

off despair.

I

memories

couldn't help reUving

mind. Each of us had our

we'd

lived,

me; they were aU

rarely left

despite

own

our tender

them

stories to tell

ages,

priated mine.

That was

emptiness that threatened

how we us.

121

My

had to

again and again in

my

the others, to prove

except AbdeUatif,

experienced nothing. But over the years, our different entangled, changed and distorted.

I

brothers and

who

had

stories

became

sisters

appro-

protected ourselves against the

TWENTY YEARS

We

had to learn to

conditions,

when

their

that

He had

of

loss

He

most.

his father

they

efforts,

when we

fifteen

not yet got over the

boy probably needs

a

my

all

was unjust and abnormal.

life

He was

internalized his anguish.

Tamattaght.

and confinement. The children

isolation

wasn't always easy. Despite

it

were very much aware

Raouf

wretched, cramped, insalubrious

live together, in

darkness,

in

were growing and

PRISON

IN

arrived at

an age

his father at

couldn't even avenge

him, and thus he grew up unable to express himself, surrounded by

women

and children.

He was

the most profoundly bereft of us

Soukaina was going through a

Every day, she slipped

me, confiding her

would

talk

difficult

from sadness to

pressed, switching

a letter

I

under

my

to depression.

me

pillow, telling

she loved

Then we

doubts, wants and needs.

anxieties,

about them and

from anxiety

joy,

would

try to

all.

adolescence. She was de-

comfort

her.

Contact with Maria was not so easy despite our fondness for each other.

She was so

When

fragile that the slightest

something upset

her, she

shock would devastate

wouldn't

her.

The

speak or move.

eat,

she seemed

horror of her situation was reflected in her eyes;

literally

shattered.

Overwhelmed by her coping with

grief,

illness,

we

fits

continued with

Poor Mimi,

and

we were

do anything

spilled a

to help her.

up

all

was

awfril,

particularly violent

bum

took months to

would never

cardboard, and told

him

He

have.

share of attention, love and cuddles.

We

his release,

he was unable to cope for himself

him from

we

she

heal.

have

a

the present rather than prepare

choice?

•

•

122

received

•

him

We him

so

make

more than

made him

stories, fairy tales

clumsily tried to protect him, molly-coddHng

did

fit,

spoiled httle Abdellatif outrageously in our efforts to

wood and

save

unable

saucepan of boiling milk over her thigh. Because she re-

for the childhood he

his fair

it

During one

ceived no medical attention, the

We

doped

were able to procure thanks to the

but despite everything, her epileptic

increasing frequency. to

difficulty

prison and our living conditions. She was

up with Mogadon which guards,

Myriam had tremendous

toys

and

much

from

Hes. that,

We on

desperately tried to for the future.

But

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

The

seer

was

right:

we were

protected.

we

acute illnesses and each time I

was

survived.

my brow

One

my

me

mother

aspirin, the

Alone

avail.

series

of

didn't leave

my

temperature down. only remedy available.

camp commander

condition was not improving, the

consulted Rabat, but to no

whole

nearly died of peritonitis.

I

my

to try to bring

of our male nurses gave

Seeing that

suffered a

My

delirious with fever for weeks.

bedside, bathing

We

fought the excruciating

I

When my temperature subsided, had grown painfully thin and lost all my hair. But survived. We were cut off, but thanks to my grandfather, Baba el Haj as we coma.

pain, before falling into a

I

I

we did receive letters and books. Since our disappearance, man had battled like the devil himself to make contact with

called him,

the old

and send us

us

own

few things

a

safety, for it

was

to

make

no regard

Hfe easier, with

for his

have anything to do with the Oufkirs.

fatal to

After knocking at every door and writing to foreign heads of

French president Giscard d'Estaing and to humanitarian

to

state,

my

organizations,

He

asked

The

we

if

could be permitted to receive

Prince hadn't forgotten

Once

us.

my

found humaneness by granting

him

the big

box of books

again he

and books.

showed

grandfather's petition

arrived at Tamattaght,

children around a Christmas tree

the outside world

As

of

a result

He was up.

letters

to send us regular packages of novels, articles

When as

Moulay Abdallah.

grandfather appealed to Prince

On

still

loved

his

It

pro-

and allowing

and textbooks.

we were

as thrilled

was proof that someone in

us.

this kindness,

put under house

...

his

the Prince was punished by the King.

But Moulay Abdallah did not give

arrest.

deathbed, he was

still

begging

his

brother the King to free

us.

With Baba

el

guards letters

the

box of books, we received

a

letter in

which

Haj gave us cautious news. Thanks to the compHcity of the

who

acted

as

go-betweens,

from our family and

we were

and collected ours, turning up

moped. She managed placed on

all

to

able to receive other

friends.

Mamma Khadija, my grandfather's wife, letters

censored

elude

our family and

the

friends.

123

at

dehvered these clandestine

the secret rendezvous

on

a

round-the-clock surveillance

She too had joined the

resis-

TWENTY YEARS

She did not play

tance.

grief a

In

few years

Paris,

of

sent

young man

a

soon

irritated

explain to

me

I

young man,

a

Ali

several letters, full of the passionate outpourings

answered the

I

first letters,

but his ardour

me. He had absolutely no idea of our phght.

him

the gulf that

who

now

between

existed

are inside,

who

and those

I

tried to

us.

have remained

come between us, walls have has come between us.'

wrote. 'A whole world has

come between I

our imprisonment.

in love.

'There are those outside,'

of messenger for long: she died of

this role

had nearly become engaged to

I

He

Layachi.

after

PRISON

IN

everything

us, in fact,

stopped writing to him and ended the relationship. In our daily

nightmare, there was no love.

And

yet

I

was

room

dreams of the future, even

for

less for

at that age.

The other letters did us more harm than good. Even though we waited for them eagerly because they were our only link wdth the

we were shocked by

outside world,

who

of those

wrote to

humdrum

described their

and champagne, sures that

us.

the selfishness and the tactlessness

Not knowing what

litde

teU us,

they

hves, Christmas Eve with foie gras

their travels, parties

make up

to

and happy events;

the fabric of an ordinary Hfe and

all

the plea-

which we were

denied.

RASPUTIN

Of

the twenty-five

orders to guard us day and

poHcemen under

night, around three-quarters had previously done security duty at our

house

in

Rabat.

They had known my

father,

direcdy or indirecdy,

they respected

my mother

They brought

us fresh eggs, treats for the children,

batteries for the radio.

one would buy us in

when

One

and they loved us

When

a little

in a paternal way.

good meat and

they went to do their shopping, each

cake or sweet which they would smuggle

they gave us our daily water ration.

of them gave Abdellatif a baby pigeon. Soon they brought us

more. Those pigeons had babies

become against

ail

real

pigeon breeders.

one of the patio

walls.

.

.

.

Within

a

few weeks,

we had

We

kept them in cardboard boxes

Our

life

124

revolved around them.

We

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

each had our

own

we had done

with our chicks.

We

gave them names and personaHties,

were no

there

watched her and

One

lessons. a

as

on Sunday mornings

spent hours watching them, especiaUy

when

We

we

and

bird,

of the females was called Halima.

male doing

a courtship dance, kissing,

pecking

each other affectionately and mating.

But prisoners pigeons,

we

are

never

prisoners,

still

failed to

Then Mother would make

who was

Maria,

so

and despite our love for our

check their

boxes to

Httle

us an orange

steal their eggs.

much to the chagrin of we nicknamed her

tart,

crazy about animals that

'Brigitte Bardot'.

Five or six months after our arrival in Tamattaght, the poHce threw a potato

over the wall with a note inside

going to be

a search.

it

warn

to

us that there was

Colonel Benaich had arrived from Rabat, under

the direct orders of the Minister of the Interior. This

man had

brother, the King's personal physician, in the Skhirat

blamed

my

father for his death. Needless to say he

lost his

coup and he

had no love for

the Oufkir family.

He felt I

violated.

in,

thrusting us aside.

Even though

always had done

only

'If

He it

barged

with

his

I still

my

night-shirt

and

found myself saying,

I

as

would never have dared

we

main room.

special to

all

of

used

We

as a

.

classroom

had hung up

the one of

us,

.' .

when

a

photo of

him

entering

regiment. Benaich gave orders for the picture to be

down from

torn

here, he

to stay in the

was very

in

still

hurt me:

entered the second alcove, which

father that

Italy

was

was absurd,

when someone

my father were

was too cold

my

it

I

the wall and then he stamped

on

it.

He

did the same

with our other photos, our knick-knacks, our paltry furniture, the jars

we

kept our trophies

time to hide

By

in.

He

after receiving the

the time he

left,

rooted to the spot,

of such violence.

confiscated the books

hadn't had

warning.

the patio looked like a battlefield.

afraid, distraught,

It

I

We

stood

and incredulous too in the face

began to dawn on us

that

we were

there for a

long time and that there would be no respite from our suffering.

were

prisoners, there was

Until then,

no other word

we had been

for

treated relatively well.

125

We

it.

We

had enough to

TWENTY YEARS

eat,

and were able to

stay in

PRISON

IN

touch with the outside world through

music and the radio. Benaich's arrival changed our

now

guarding us

had orders to persecute

Who

order to treat us with such brutality?

We

ing the noose?

The poHce who had been

lives.

us.

Who

had an

had given the

interest in tighten-

had no answers.

—

The mouhazzin mindless, disciplined auxiliary forces this new regime. The police, who were more sympathetic, by

up

setting

of risks while covering their

and acted

retaHated

proper aid network. The older generation had resisted

a

the French during the Protectorate. sorts

—obeyed

in such a

They warned

us

They were used

tracks.

They knew

to taking

all

the system well,

way as to ensure maximum safety. when a search had been ordered by throwing

carrot or potato over the wall. This gave us time to hide

a

our most

them being

precious belongings, especially the radio, to prevent

Some of them went to Rabat to see our grandparents. They carried letters, brought Mogadon for Mimi, and money that confiscated.

enabled us to improve our

lives a Httle.

Every two weeks,

when

provisions,

the courtyard with

I

sat in

ghmpse of the landscape outside the the fort,

The

it

opened the

the guards

had been dark.

Raouf and

walls.

We knew

gates to bring us tried to catch a

When we

had arrived

at

nothing of our whereabouts.

ramparts surrounding us blocked our view.

we saw

Each time the gate opened,

seemed

to be trying to

convey

a

a

strange Httle

message to us with

appearance was bizarre: he had a beard and long black stare was like that of a drug addict.

Rasputin.

We

hair,

and

He made me

man who

his eyes.

His

his piercing

think of a tiny

what he wanted, and we found him

didn't understand

extremely odd.

One

morning, one of the poUcemen came in and discreetly whis-

pered to us that Rasputin. httle

later,

insistence,

We

we

were

suspicious,

He

glanced over

at

and pretended not to understand.

A

should ask for a male nurse.

however, confronted with the bearded feUow's mute

we beckoned him

He was from

to

come

the same village

as

126

in.

my

maternal grandmother, loyal

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

like

meeting, yard.

wanted only

Berbers, and

all

we

We

to help us.

The

night after our

first

heard the sound of something dropping into the court-

A

rushed out.

huge sack of flour had

ground. Rasputin was sending signals by flashing

on

just landed

his

the

torch behind the

wall.

The

who

guards

steak, a

used to bring us

box of eggs,

a little flour

did so in dribs and drabs: a

treats

or sweets that were passed from one

pocket to another. With Rasputin, suppHes arrived on an almost of flour,

industrial scale: sacks

a

hundred and

To deHver to drag

fifty

eggs

their

.

sugar,

way

drums of

oil,

.

and

these provisions to us, Rasputin

all

them from

and make

.

semoHna and

rice,

his friends

had

the oasis to the foot of the fort, enter the ruins to

our section, clambering over the boulders

the risk of causing a rock sHde.

Then they had

—and

rope and sUng them over the wall

all

at

to tie the sacks to a

with the utmost discre-

Squads of poUce and auxiliary forces were watching every

tion.

square inch of our prison and the surrounding countryside.

The deUvery took up most of the nurse came over by the same

night.

method

as

When

it

was

the sacks, accompanied

two young poHcemen who were overawed but proud

We

hands.

showed them up

finished, the

to our quarters,

and

sat in

to shake

by our

the corridor

where we had placed some benches. Each time they brought us food

—

would

other words, whenever they had the opportunity

in sit

and

talk until daybreak.

These exchanges meant

a lot

to us,

desperately needed male company.

they brought to

go

us.

to bed;

The

little

We

especially to

Raouf,

who

drank tea and ate the cakes

ones were overexcited. Abdellatif refused

he snuggled up to me, fighting

moments were important

to

told jokes, and they gave us

him

too.

We

off" sleep,

chatted

idly,

but these

laughed and

news of the outside world, but

point Rasputin always found a

our

—we

way of reminding

at

some

us of the reaUty of

situation.

'You

will

never get out of here,' he would say to

us, 'don't

delude

yourselves.'

Naively,

we were

counting on

a royal

127

pardon on Throne Day or

TWENTY YEARS

on Hassan dreams

My

II's

name

in the

PRISON

But Rasputin

on

insisted

shattering our

ot sanity.

who

mother,

comfort

birthday.

IN

never participated in these discussions, tried to

us.

'Can't

you

he doesn't

see this

man

know what

Don't

crazy?

is

him

let

upset you, children,

he's talking about.'

Rasputin did look every inch the madman, but he would go to

any extremes to help last visit,

we

to

replies

his allies

our

letters,

During the two months

hope

lived in

He had

guard.

us.

among a

that followed his

while waiting for the the relief guards

who were

more books,

radio and

changing of the to bring us

our

for the ones

grandfather sent us were never sufficient.

On

who was

the appointed day, Raouf,

as agile as

clambered up to the top of the ramparts and

goat,

watch through

a tiny

loophole.

I

joined him.

The

arriving and the others preparing to leave.

mountain

a

down

settled

We

to

saw the trucks

police officers

were

pleased to see their friends, greeting and embracing.

We

were very excited

at

the sight of the cases in the trucks.

They

promised days of reading, music and happiness.

Raouf elbowed me. There was 'Kika,

around I

look.

anxiety in his voice.

There's something going on.

They're

all

rushing

in a frenzy.'

foDowed

his outstretched finger

and saw there was some

sort

commotion. Rasputin was running. Someone had betrayed him

The

nurse was caught.

money, the

radio, the

They searched

books and the

his

.

.

belongings, found the

hi-fi system.

brought us was confiscated, except the

.

of

letters,

Everything he had

which he had kept

well hidden. Forty-eight hours after the dismantHng of our network, Yousfi, a senior intelligence officer, arrived flanked by three already

knew him: he had

interrogated

my

henchmen.

mother when

my

We

father

died.

After searching everywhere, he set up a

heavy interrogation

that lasted

all

day.

We

little

were

table

and began

treated to the

a

whole

works: the typewriter, the written statement. After beating about the

128

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

bush for

had informed them that

ages, they told us that the nurse

were plotting something. They wanted

to

know what

Rasputin had been sharp enough to denounce

no-one

that

'We

acted

family

as

would have done So

the guards, so

were both

political

that they

and humane.

with children,' he had argued. 'Anybody

the same.'

our guards were

all

At the

ately.

that

men

we

was.

would be punished. He claimed

in particular

had helped us for reasons

all

it

arrested, only to

who were

was us

fort, it

be released again immedi-

to suffer the consequences.

The new team of mouhazzin drafted in to guard us kept us under much closer surveillance. There were friskings and searches, the guard was doubled, and that was the end of the

letters,

books and

contact with our family.

We were enough

given

and

less

less

and

to feed a regiment,

we had built up reserves, was how we managed to survive.

food. Luckily, that

RESISTANCE These new conditions appalled

us.

We

But what could we do?

so powerless and alone, so entirely dependent

were

on the monarch's

whims.

One

went out ages

I

when

night

God was

to cry.

anyone

I

The

I

my hps. On the

my

others

about I

morning of

were

on

still

my Hfe, I

wore

a chair,

asleep.

hopelessly silent.

were being buried

woke up

very

alone, facing our pigeon house.

The

twenty-third birthday,

all

During those few hours'

about the years going by and

my

time in

beauty of

did each time cries of rage or pain rose to

my

was painfully conscious of time taking

body.

And

I

had an urge to scream, but the proximity of the it

sat

first

tears in the

We

cries for help.

others,

going to die here, cut off from the world, without

to help us.

and

my

night was pure, and calm.

children stopped me, as

early

many

desperate, like so

sought a response to

not answering our

we were

and

felt utterly

into the courtyard to gaze at the sky. For the

began

the starry dome.

alive

I

hair very long,

129

down

its

to

I

respite,

I

thought

vanishing youth. toll

my

on

hips,

my

face

and

and when

I

TWENTY YEARS

walked

past the big mirror at

knew

was

the I

bloom of my

my

suffered for

been children,

sisters

for

my

suffered for us father.

In

caught the guards

myself that

telling

me

love

had seldom been so beautiful

what

stop

I

was doing

all,

a father figure,

and enjoy

as

she was

the only ones

King

without having

and for Abdel-

I

had mourned

hfe.

me

who

strength

was

could do anything for our cause.

when my morale plummeted.

signed in our blood.

a petition

I

passed

on

it

We

gave

it

to the

to his superiors. This naive,

almost childHke letter appealed to the monarch's magnanimity.

woman

I

remorse for Achoura and

felt

1

robbed of freedom and hope.

camp commander, who that

this

alongside us out of loyalty.

That was what gave

wrote

I

my

to stare at her.

who were becoming women

1

sent the

us,

admired

I

wretchedness, there was one thing of which

we were

certain:

We

who

Now was mourning my own

this

all

face,

Raouf, deprived of

HaHma, imprisoned I

I

of hopelessness

No man would

deprived of everything, and

latif,

when

twenties.

would sometimes

I

a sense

lost for ever.

suffered for Mother,

now.

had, or

body and youthful

would be

ripeness

With

beautiful.

sculptured

firm,

still

PRISON

me, even though they were very paternal towards

looking I

we

IN

We

was unworthy of him to permit the persecution of

it

a

and children.

My mother,

Mimi and

then went on hunger

strike. It

was

the middle of winter, and the ground and the walls were frozen.

We

Raouf,

I

stayed in our beds, curled up under our thin blankets, trying to

preserve a tiny bit of warmth.

At

first,

although

enthusiasm.

we were

Then our

weak,

we were

determined and

instinct for self-preservation

started eating again, out

full

took over and

of

we

of sight of the guards. In one of my mother's

trunks, kept in the

cubby hole where we had stored our luggage, we

had saved around

thirty

morning sun I

French loaves, which

to soften them.

cleaned the bread with

passed

it

round from bed

peas, for us the

hunger

We a

we

put out in the

called that the 'sunbathing' session.

shoe brush to remove the mould, and

to bed.

We

strikers' sole

130

had

also saved a store

food,

which we

of chick

ate in secret:

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

chick pea

chick pea soup, chick pea nibbles. These measly

tagine,

going and

rations kept us

we

by

sent back the scant food provided

our captors untouched.

But we were end

to our

cakes

.

.

corruptible.

still

strike.

We

The promise of a

could almost smell the aroma of pancakes and

.

Nobody was

In any case, our strike had led nowhere.

our

of butter put an

kilo

interested in

fate.

But we had

do something.

to

We

decided to escape.

who was

Shortly before our hunger strike, Raouf,

poking httle

his

in the habit

of

window in the He was desperate

nose into everything, had noticed that the

luggage store had probably been bricked up.

to see outside,

and w^e

set to

work removing

few of the blocks.

a

We

we pushed

discovered a wrought-iron window, with shutters that

open.

The

landscape was a revelation.

ours at

It

was no longer dark, the sky was

The window looked out onto an

last.

oasis

below.

crows cawing, turtledoves cooing, shepherds caUing their

We

heard

flocks,

and

even the splashing of water.

We

fought for our turn to enjoy the view. Looking into the

drawing

distance,

for granted

We we

pleased. sit

deep breath of fresh

when you

closed the

would

a

in

air

.

.

.

You

Cake these things

can do them.

window, making

sure

we

could open

again wtien

it

From time to time, when one of us was feeling low, we the store room and watch the dawn, or the sunset, spring

starting at the oasis,

evidence that nature and the seasons

still

Maria and Soukaina went there more often than the feasting their eyes

them

on the

sHghtest details.

there and catch the mournful expression

an unbearable

When we

of

us,

was heart-rending to find

It

on

their

pressed up against the bars. Like hunger, depression in a is

existed.

rest

little

faces

young

child

sight.

decided to escape, our

window. But the guards heard us

initial

idea was to enlarge this

prising out the bricks

them

in the five-metre-deep latrine pit.

came

in

It

made

and searched everywhere. Luckily,

131

and throwing

a terrible din.

we were

They

able to conceal

TWENTY YEARS

IN

PRISON

the evidence of our crime before they arrived and they didn't notice it.

This

We

mud

packed in the

In 1

we

myself confronted by

a

a

hardI

had

began to dig into the

had already removed

whole wall

of earth,

a lot

to collapse.

hole big enough to crawl through. it,

and found

blocked opening.

my

thigh and began to scream.

'I'm not going any further, Raouf,

it's

'Kika, do you want us to get out of

infested with this

only chance. You'll just have to get used to

Raouf was

Raouf and

along the tunnel behind

something brush against

felt

We

its

of twenty centimetres from the

to take care not to cause the

my way

kitchen, with

perfect place. All

a tunnel, at a height

and made

The

spoon each.

one afternoon, we had dug

slid inside

I

a small

than ten minutes

floor. In less

we had

a different front.

seemed the

surfaces,

make

utmost secrecy was needed.

us that the

way of tools was

wall to

but

reminded

alert

had to attack on

so insistent that

rats.'

wretched place?

Come

it.

our

on, be strong.'

ended up obeying him.

I

It's

We

pressed

on.

We began to clear away the rubble. It was a dangerous, exhausting job. We had to carry very heavy loads without dropping them, for fear

of alerting the guards. But our persistence was rewarded. The

door was

finally clear

which gave

We

and

we emerged among

awe-inspiring ruins,

us a wonderful feeling of freedom.

were intoxicated, dazzled by the sky and the

walked

in

silence,

this first

We

had been living

We

in silence for nearly

walk was very nearly our

stones collapsed at our feet with an infernal noise. to

air.

communicating with our eyes and expressing

ourselves with our hands.

three years. But

fresh

jump out of the way. It took us a few moments

to recover

could have crushed the pair of

both thinking the same thing.

us.

from

there,

column of

We just

this scare.

Raouf looked

Who, up

A

last.

at

had time

The column

me; we were

was protecting us

like

this?

My other.

mando

brother and

Our

I

didn't

need

to say

much

to understand each

escape had to be prepared in minute detail, Uke a

operation.

The two of us would be

would be too dangerous.

132

the ones to go.

com-

Any more

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

We

Stayed outside for nearly

We

calculating.

chmbed up oasis, a

hours, analysing, weighing up,

to the highest level

on top of us

the rocks that could roll

Below, in the

two

at

of the

fort,

any moment.

few guards were out enjoying

a stroll.

could even hear their laughter. Hidden behind the rocks, the

almond

trees,

'You

We

to look

beyond

returned reluctantly, but

we had

they drank in our words, ready to sceptical,

flows around the

her,

we

to get

back to our family and

we had

to her,

it

take such a

'OK

risk.

my

we were

going

makeshift rope.

this

When we

chosen was twenty metres high.

mother was adamant: she wouldn't allow us

to

don't want to lose you.'

I

a

to have a gate that

moment, and her

opened onto the

away the rocks blocking

it,

face Ut up.

oasis.

and then

The

We just

fort

was bound

had to find

we would

it

and

be able to leave.

looked for the gate among the ruined columns and the heaps of

boulders. In I

who was

Nothing would make her change her mind.

She thought for

We

once. Mother,

to the escape plan,' she said, 'but find another solution that's

less risky.

clear

ones were keen;

covered our mattresses and explained that

spot

showed

set off at

Httle

knotted together two lengths of the sturdy

to descend the ramparts with

The

fort.

Ustened in silence.

To convince fabric that

at

to Ouarzazate.'

convince them of the viabiUty of our plan. The

more

gazed

a little path.

see, there's water, there's a river that it

we

We

the lush grass and the red earth.

Then Raouf told me We'll follow

wary of

owe

to

it

angel that

I

my haste nearly fell over the edge of a sheer drop, and my presence of mind and probably that of my guardian didn't plunge to my death. I turned round. Mother was I

ashen.

Now, when we

say that

someone

has 'the ruins look',

they're staring glassy-eyed and horror-stricken,

thought

I

was going to

Prompted by an

move it

a

it

means

that

Hke Mother when she

fall.

inspired guess,

huge rock. The gate

did indeed open onto the

my

we were

oasis.

We

to escape.

133

mother asked us

to help her

looking for was behind

wouldn't need to

risk

it,

and

our Hves

TWENTY YEARS

But before the big

Three times was

at

we had

week Raouf and

a

most

its

day,

built castles in the

money

We

Ouarzazate.

documents, but

because

memorized

I

still

Among it

it

to

a little

whom

my

.

.

up

a

wax

incantations that

believed in

On

I

at

we were

we had

random and having

were supposed

We

that twaddle, struck

all

stopped.

always scoffed

it,

at

My

decided

of our venture. it,

uttering mysterious

help us escape.

to

sciences.

flicked through

and stuck needles into

doll

gave these to

.

who

creased up with laughter as Mother,

final

had no identity

in Paris.

name, in case

to invoke spells for the success

She made

tration.

We

papers the vaccination record

had met

I

take the bus to

was about magic, witchcraft and the occult it

the sun

of our grandfather's

we would

our books, there was one

all

when

midday,

pack some food.

his sister's

such children

mother picked to use

had

had found among

I

of a male Moroccan friend

We were

We

air.

needed

also

at

for four hours.

After crossing the oasis,

left.

Raouf and

went out

I

up our stamina.

to train. Build

each carrying a very heavy rucksack, and

cruel,

marched around the courtyard

We

PRISON

IN

up an

We

had never

attitude

were

in

all

her Hfe

of intense concen-

called her a witch.

Raouf and

the appointed day,

1

found ourselves outside

for the

run-through.

One

of the

'Come

We

girls

in quick.

came rushing out

They're here. They want to see Mother.'

arrived breathless

Tamattaght.

leaving

in a panic to fetch us.

and

We

dusty.

The

redoubled

police told us that

we were

our teasing of Mother

—her

witchcraft had backfired.

'You wanted to move?' she retorted, mortified.

'Well,

we're

moving.'

The

children were glad to leave.

a half years,

ruined

We

had been locked up for four and

and had spent more than three years imprisoned

fort. Abdellatif,

turn eight, the

girls

Myriam twenty-two.

whose birthday was

were thirteen and I

in February,

just fifteen,

in this

was about to

Raouf

nineteen,

was twenty-three and Mother had just turned

134

THE WALLS OF TAMATTAGHT

forty.

While the

Uttle

ones were excited,

I

was wary and anxious,

fearing the worst.

Of course, we

weren't told where

we were

led to believe that our living conditions

were

going, but

had taken pity on

us.

maybe we would be

Our free

possessions, taking only

.

treatment .

our

.

change for the

likely to

was probably in response to our petition

better. It

would be

.

.

.

King

Yes, the

gentler.

Hadn't they asked us to

own

we were

Tomorrow, sort

out our

things and leaving the mattresses,

blankets and everything that belonged to the state? Perhaps the situation

was going to be resolved

All this

.

.

.

was impUed, but nothing was confirmed.

Why

this

ambi-

guity? Probably to ensure our cooperation during our transfer.

were torn between hope and dread. radio about

my

instinctively concealed

person. Subsequent events proved

later congratulated I

I

myself on

my

thought there were Hmits to

to discover that there

me

my

right,

We little

and

I

intuition.

human

were none.

135

suflfering.

At Bir-Jdid,

I

was

BIR-JDID PRISON 1977-19 April

26 February

1987

A BAD START Our baggage was want

in the courtyard, the place

to leave Tamattaght

didn't understand that

was

in chaos.

We

didn't

without our beloved pigeons, but they

we were

leaving and were flapping around

above our heads, beating their wings and cooing indignantly.

The

children were darting around and each time they succeeded in

catching one, they shut the pigeon up in a wicker basket. Maria,

Soukaina and Abdellatif laughed their heads

game

almost

a

sick, to

be honest.

One split

us

for them.

We

up into

bayonets.

pairs in separate

Mother

Mother was

and Halima, and

us

sit

I

brutally shoving us forward with their

They gave

with the two

down

precious pigeons

Two

—worried

armoured trucks with blacked-out

to travel with the

was completely dark

made

were more anxious

refused to allow us to be spUt up in this way. She

screamed, begged and cried.

It

This departure was

incident sent a chill of fear through us: the police wanted to

windows. They were rough,

fuss.

adults

off.

at

probably to avoid a big

boys,

Myriam with Achoura

girls.

inside the vehicles.

quickly.

our

two

in,

feet.

We We

We

stumbled

as

they

placed the baskets containing our hadn't been able to catch

mouhazzin armed with bayonets came and

136

sat

facing us.

them

all.

BIR-JDID PRISON

Even

The atmosphere had changed.

the children were quiet now.

new commander of Tamattaght camp, was not softHe had replaced the former commander a few months earher, when the number of mouhazzin guarding us had been tripled. This change had been due to the fear that we would escape, aided and abetted by a mysterious commando from Algeria. At least that was what we understood. That was perhaps why we were being Borro, the hearted.

made

to leave Tamattaght.

no explanation was forthcoming,

In any case,

hoped

Borro would not be coming with

that

We

as usual.

only

we were

wherever

us,

going.

The journey hausting

we

as

twenty-four hours, becoming increasingly ex-

lasted

drove.

We

were under constant

could not even find

a

ourselves; the police

came with

when we

discreet spot

got out to relieve

and watched us

us

We

surveillance.

until

we had

finished. It

advantage to press

The

down

was February. The vehicle slowed

Throne Day

powerful than ever.

I

streamers. People

wallowed

this festival

were

But then

spoiled.

against a crack in the

were

in

my

was always

I

fathom out where

memories

a

we

were, but

it

I

took truck.

busily preparing

King was more few moments.

for a a

time

when we

to earth

and

frantically

happy time,

came back down

and

armoured

celebrations, evidence that the

At the Palace

tried to

up

face

were hung with

trees

for the

my

briefly

was so dark outside

it

was

impossible.

worn out from the journey and numb with cold, I The air smelled damp; I could hear frogs croaking.

Tired, deeply.

cluded that

we had

left

the desert and

were near the

where we were being

mistaken.

The

forty-five

kilometres firom Casablanca. This

Bir-Jdid barracks,

coast.

we

I

inhaled I

con-

was not

taken,

discovered

were

much

later.

The road was

flooded,

trucks to get through. ers, still

spHt

We

making had

it

impossible for the armoured

to get out

and continue

up into three groups. They blindfolded

time to catch

a fleeting

glimpse of the countryside.

137

in

us,

We

Land Rovbut

we had

were

in an

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

agricultural area with fields as far as the eye could see. In the distance

we

could make out

taken?

Was

farmhouse.

a

where we were being

that

building was surrounded by wire fencing and watch-

The

towers. I

was shivering and

my

were chattering with

teeth

I

distinguished, well-educated, profoundly

humane

responsible for our transfer

from one prison

me

me

to fetch

two packets

gesture, the

first

When

metres.

for

me.

I

for so long.

convoy

the

a

marked

voice, in

and the mouhazziti.

The man stepped out from the shadows. in his burnous, offered

the

heard a man's voice,

depths of the darkness, Hke in a play,

contrast to the coarse yelling of Borro

From

cold.

He was

Colonel Benani,

to the other.

when

cigarettes and,

I

He wrapped

accepted,

was moved to tears by Then we drove another

went

this thoughtfiil

finally

came

to a halt,

I

five

hundred

could make out

the nightmarish throbbing of an electricity generator.

The King had answered our

We

were shown into

closed a door and

petition.

house, our eyes

a

removed

the scarves.

still

bHndfolded.

Someone

Then we saw we were

in a

Httle colonial-style residence built of cement, in the shape of an L.

We

entered through

wooden door

a

that led to a

bordering a httle courtyard where five old sentries.

four

Four doors opened onto

cells,

the

first,

which was

to

fig trees

this courtyard,

be Mother's,

long avenue

stood guard Uke

and these were our

at right angles to

the

other three. In a tiny recess

by the

first

cell,

two huge palm

canopy of foHage. The walls enclosing

us, so

trees

formed

high and thick that they

shut out the sky, separated us from a barracks with watchtowers

frequent intervals. Soldiers the house.

We

Our

were

at

arms stood in sentry boxes

move was being watched. right away that we would be separated

told

Mother shared

in another one, all

around

at night.

We

to see each other during the day and to eat

together, but at night each person cell.

all

at

every

would be aUowed

own

a

would have

hers with Abdellatif,

to

my

go back to their sisters

and

I

were

Achoura and Halima were together and Raouf was

alone.

138

BIR-JDID PRISON

This news

made

us

all

Mother

sob.

didn't have the right to separate her 'I

can bear anything except that

'Madame,

and pleaded, saying they

cried

from her

children.

.' .

.

please understand that

I

am ashamed

of what

I

am

doing,' replied Colonel Benani, terribly embarrassed. 'This mission

me

will plague

for the rest

and unfortunately

Our

were so damp to the floor.

The wan

for the

was downright

electric light

hour or two

comprised several

cells

The

squalid.

walls

grey and the

of moisture ran from the ceihng

came from the generator

The

at night.

of foam with covers of dubious

Each of our

way we would be

hastily repainted squirrel

that rivulets

that operated only for an

just thin layers

have been given orders,

I

already accustomed to discomfort,

this

and reinforced doors had been

down

bode well

Even though we were

and very basic amenities,

cells

But

Ufe.

must obey'

respective cells did not

treated. filth

I

of my

mattresses

rooms and

Uttle

were

cleanhness. a tiny

open-

roofed recess, with thick bars over the opening. That would soon be

our

sole source

cell.

The main

of fresh cell

had

There were three

air.

a toilet

and

a

up

steps

cupboard one and

to Mother's a half

metres

high, placed halfway up the wall and accessible with the help of a stepladder.

Once

We

put our remaining belongings in there.

there had been a

window, but

had been sealed up and

it

covered with opaque Perspex. While he was stand

up

aged to pierce the his

plastic

with the

it

tip

Uttle

enough

his observation post.

to

He man-

of a skewer and he would glue

eye to the hole to try to see out.

Their

shared with grating, a

hke the

cell,

my

we had

was closed by

others,

comer of

door. In the

by

made

in there, Abdellatif

still

sisters.

which we

bathroom', an alcove where to Mother's

away,

it

I

installed

our four beds, dimly Ht

toilet, a

pompously named

we

cupboard where 'the

we

gym', and 'the

'showered' with buckets of water.

It

cell.

The water they brought it

fitted reinforced

In addition to the recess covered with a metal

a cell in

stored our suitcases, another

we poured

newly

the courtyard, another door led to the cell

skyHght covered with Perspex, a

was adjacent

a

us

was for washing and drinking.

When

drained across the sloping floor into a Httle

139

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

which ran under the wall separating us from Mother's

gutter

Our

IN

instinct

first

and dig away

When we

at

cell.

was to remove the iron bars from the bed frames

We

the earth.

followed the course of the water.

were no longer allowed out of our

cells, this

would

gutter

our mirror.

act as

Mother would Ukewise on our

on her stomach on the ground, and we did

lie

side.

The only way we could

catch a glimpse of one

another was via our reflections in the water. For years that was our only means of contact, other than with our voices. These were highly

emotional moments.

do

able to

We

to

touch and

kiss,

and

we

weren't

so.

Achoura and Halima's in a tiny cell

looked out onto the

my

was next to

cell

and cooked in

Next door was Raouf 's around

wanted

cell,

whose

The two women

ours.

with

a

to

slept

double grating over

'toilet', a pit

dug

it.

into the ground,

fig trees in the courtyard. Security

you had

brother;

a recess

was

tightest

go through three doors to get to

his

ceU.

The

first

after

our

two months

search took place at the beginning of April, arrival at Bir-Jdid.

The aim was to intimidate us. As we had new camp. He was a sinister

dreaded, Borro was in charge of the character, utterly sure sion.

He

of himself and without an ounce of compas-

received his orders from Rabat and carried

them out

to the

confiscating our records, books and hi-fi player. Luckily,

letter,

were always on the

alert

and had developed

fast

reflexes

and

we

a healthy

mistrust.

While some of

us distracted the mouhazzin, as quick as a flash the

others dismantled the hi-fi and divided the parts

ing

them between our

way,

as

well

as a

thighs.

We

between

us,

conceal-

hid the Httle radio in the same

few textbooks and

electric wires.

During the ten-

year nightmare, the radio enabled us to link up to the world. With-

out

it,

we

A few

wouldn't have survived.

days after searching our rooms, they

removed everything

that

still

came with pickaxes and

gave the place the aspect of a

home

the parapets, flowers and trees.

Each

year, for the King's birthday,

140

we

sent

him

a letter

begging

BIR-JDID PRISON

him

pardon

to

portraits that

In July 1977,

us.

we

enclosed with our letter a few

had drawn and which bore

I

him, one of his son, Sidi

a fair likeness

—one

Muhammad, and one of Muhammad

His expression of thanks was not long in coming. Shortly sent the letter,

Borro and

until nightfall.

We

When we

were

had taken the

clothes,

Then

in

after

Raouf 's

they

lit

remained of our meagre belongings, our

traumatized

was only

to

when

thirteen,

wards, she was for ten days

my

trinkets,

and discovered the radio

all

the

more

who

on

her. After-

a high temperature

stay in bed.

again.

They made

us

go out

where Borro was pacing up and down. he was aware

was true

It

batteries

of shock. She ran

The next morning they came back

pigeons.

our

was combustible.

the hated Borro forcibly searched Soukaina,

and had to

told us that

that

watch the show. The children were

in a terrible state

into the courtyard

all

photo album.

huge bonfire with everything

a

we cell

allowed out, the damage was impressive. They

Mother's jewellery and

were invited

He

up

us

textbooks, Abdellatif's toys, our food reserves, nearly

last

We

henchmen locked

V.

could hear dull thuds, the sound of hammering.

finally

that

all

his

of

how

fond the children were of the

that for several years those

little

creatures

had

boosted our morale. 'But pigeons,' he added, 'aren't meant to be kept

meant

to be eaten.

Despite our

few

So we're going to

tearflil entreaties,

They're

our

after

The

child,

who

a

We

had turned

arrival at Bir-Jdid,

was

at

the

had

his

tether.

Shortly after our arrival, he tried to Uttle bicycle

kill

himself

He

still

and was cycling along the path round the courtyard with

the fig trees. the

as pets.

day.'

they carried out their threat. For

this sight.

on 27 February, the day

end of his

two every

came back each day with two dead pigeons.

days, they

decided to spare Abdellatif eight

kill

comer of

I

was chatting

my

eye.

to Mother, while

Suddenly

I

watching him out of

saw him wobble and

faU off.

We

rushed over. Abdellatif had a glazed look and couldn't stand up. Soon

he

fell

Raouf held him under his arms him to drink a henna infusion.

into a deep sleep.

him, and

I

tried to get

There was

total panic.

Achoura and Halima wailed and

141

to support

tore their

TWENTY YEARS

IN

were dazed. As

PRISON

Mother, she went into

hair,

and the three

state

of shock. She was deathly pale and gazed

overwhelmed

make him bring up most of

to

the Valium and

all

for

a

too

at us helplessly,

to cry.

managed

I

lowed,

girls

Mother had hidden Goodness knows

in a

how

the

all

pillbox

little

he managed to

the

Mogadon

pills

for

he had swal-

Mimi's

fits

which she always kept on steal

that her.

it.

Infomied of the incident, Borro came up to the bed, saw that the

was

child it

asleep

He

and shrugged.

couldn't do anything except refer

to Rabat.

'What

if

he

dies?'

sobbed Mother.

Another shrug was our only

reply.

He woke up

Abdellatif was a robust child.

explanation devastated

us.

had overheard

Jdid, he

grief, anxiety, fear

Somehow

our conversations,

all

His

effects.

Since being imprisoned with us

he'd imagined, in his

He

ill

at

Bir-

our outpourings of

and anger.

his years, that killing

of this mess.

all

with no

little

mind

that

himself would be the best

didn't

want

was too mature

way

to get us

all

for

out

to see us suffer any more.

we vowed

We

From

that

day on,

front of

him

any more, we'd hide our grief from him, we'd invent a

fantasy Hfe for

him and we'd

get

to spare him.

him

to

beUeve in

wouldn't

talk in

it.

HELL The

circle

first

we were

years,

managed

of Hell belonged to the

past.

During the next ten

gradually to enter the others. Until then,

to preserve a family

life,

cocoon where we

a

we had

protected each

other.

At Bir-Jdid, family Hfe was out of the question, and so was privacy. Everything was out of the question.

At

first,

we were

eight o'clock in the

go

in

all

allowed out into the courtyard together. From

morning the

and out of one another's

mine. This freedom of

cell

doors were open and

cells.

movement

Generally

lasted a

142

we

all

we

could

gathered in

few months, but Mother,

BIR-jDID PRISON

Raouf and

knew

I

The dreaded in his

few days

cell.

solitary

's

twentieth birthday,

He would no

of 1978.

my brother was

we were

ask for extra butane because

Achoura were spared being

locked

longer be allowed out or to see

our turn came, on the pretext that

later

be in

that

On 30 January, Raouf

A

we would

later

we had to prepare for it. moment arrived at the beginning

confinement and

up alone

sooner or

that

totally

we had

us.

dared to

freezing to death. Halima and

locked up. They were allowed out

into the courtyard once a day to gather twigs for the charcoal brazier.

we were

In the early days of our permanent separation,

go out into the courtyard for

went out I

in the

would

morning

a breath

until ten,

of air

then

at different times.

was our

it

Mother

turn.

Raouf 's window and he would cHng to the and we'd chat about this and that. He monopohzed

stand under

bars of his 'toilet',

the conversation, he was so desperate to express himself. cruelly

allowed to

from

He

suffered

his isolation.

He would him. He was

often talk about our father and his longing to avenge

obsessed with the idea.

And

we were no

then

longer

allowed out of our ceUs.

Now we

were locked up twenty-four hours

ill-treated. All the

had become mere our

cells,

a day, separated

and

Hnks with our former Ufe had been severed.

We

statistics.

by the

Mother, Raouf and break us

to

General,

was to become our

that tiny space that

time, punctuated only

mined

We

me

I

had to learn to come to terms with

were

their

main

—Mother, because

targets.

physically,

The

would want

at all costs.

and

who

to

Of us

my

influence over the rest

his father's

son and

it

was

was Raouf who suffered the most

took the most knocks.

show any

now, were forbidden

interest in us.

humiliate us in every Httle in the pit

deter-

avenge him. In their minds, he had to

all, it

guards, aU mouhazzin

kindly, or to

They were

she was the wife of the hated

because they were aware of

natural that he

our world, our

seasons.

of the family, and Raouf because he was

be stopped

hfe,

way

possible.

of my stomach: fear of being

constant humiHation.

And

I

On I

hved with

killed,

a

permanent

fear

beaten or raped, fear of

was ashamed of being

143

to speak to us

the contrary, they were to

afraid.

TWENTY YEARS

We I

were never

punched

The

thud.

my

head

them and

reassure I'd

been

felt

humiliated, but

but

hit,

them

told

ashen.

cell,

my

my

got to

I

balance. Later,

I

was angry

I

had been the

at

them

this

instigator

even more than Borro was

fear

officer

who, back

of Tamat-

in the days

new regime. He who had given the

of our

was he

lives impossible. It

contrived to

order to

We

guessed his arrival from the sound of

hehcopter in the

mouhazzin

attitude of the

I

myself too.

the pigeons, and to deprive us of food.

from the

feU

feet to

told

I

I

a violent

implored them not to say anything to Mother.

Colonel Benaich, the King's

make our

the

officer.

of the corridor with

I'd lost

The man who embodied taght,

had dared to defy an

I

hit the wall

came out of

girls

from Raouf. Only once was

seriously beaten, apart

in the face because

backwards and

PRISON

IN

a

who were

saw him.

rarely

kill

We or

sky,

suddenly standing to

attention.

But

the same time, a particular relationship

at

between prisoners and

torturers.

We

were

was developing

victims, but

we were

We

able to manipulate our gaolers within our limited scope.

also

would

any opportunity to reverse the balance of power without their

seize

noticing.

With Benaich

it

was impossible; with Borro,

The

difficult.

was disciplined to the very core of his soldier's being. received orders to stab us to death, he hesitation.

He was

other hand, for

took only

We We

put up

cunning

orders.

The mouhazzin, on

to

old.

I

I

The

came

a

wheelbarrow-load of firewood once

out,

The

first

metres long.

me

a

month

mouhazzin opened the reinforced door and called

I

was not allowed

to

fill

to venture

to pick

them

me

with dread.

beyond the

was dazzled by the hght. They threw the logs

and ordered

It

throw them off balance.

me. Their tone of voice alone was enough

When

the

a struggle.

were allowed

for cooking.

obey

so without

their fierce bravado, were actually very stupid.

all

a Httle

trained to

would have done

brute

Had he

thresh-

onto the ground

up.

time, they brought big branches about one-and-a-half I

took

my

the longest ones to the

time casually sorting through them, and gave girls.

Raouf had

144

suggested

we

hide

them

in a

BIR-JDID PRISON

up

cavity high

little

possible escape.

in the wall

of our

The branches could

in preparation for a

cell,

serve as girders to shore

up

a

tunnel.

The

third

month, the guards

They had reaUzed what was

Our

chief means of resistance was what

back of our minds.

in the

we

called the 'system', the

only means we had of communicating with each saved our

Using slab

spoon and

a

under

Hstened to

his bed.

it

and

knife,

Under it

Raouf had managed

It

it

probably

The metal

bars

and

1

up

make

a

paving

he hid our precious radio, wrapped in

lonely.

felt less

the hi-fi speakers to

to prise

from the damp. At night he took

Then he had

it

out and

the brainwave of using

the five or six ampHfiers and the electric wire

girls

other.

lives.

old rags to protect

the

nothing but tiny

started bringing us

logs.

we had

salvaged from

a transmission network from cell to

cell.

from our beds made good conductors. Each night

removed them from our beds and joined them,

pushing the ends together. They had to stretch to Raouf's

through Achoura and Hahma's, via holes in the wall

at

cell,

floor level.

But, even placed end to end, they reached only halfway.

Raouf had

the idea of adding the electric wire from the speakers

and connecting

it

to

connections were thin

the amphfier he had. steel wires,

above the reinforced door positive

we

to

our

and negative terminals of our

When Raouf was to us

when

I

hid

interested in a radio

in

During transmission

I

programme, he broadcast

did the same for directly,

I

it

Mother and

used a length of

wandered

for a

moment. cells.

I

had made

a

During the day

Mimi's bed. The guards didn't dare search her because of

her epileptic heart and

the

had stolen from the courtyard, seizing the opportunity

the guards' attention

it

The

well.

'telephone Hne' through the wall separating our I

them round

twisted

amplifiers.

To communicate with them

hosepipe that

did hkewise.

which kept snapping, but the

by connecting up the amphfiers.

Abdellatif

We

cell.

often had to replace the wires,

sound came through quite

I

taken from the double grating

fits,

which

terrified

them. They were simple souls

were convinced she was possessed by jinns.

145

at

TWENTY YEARS

With cate

PRISON

IN

these crude but effective means,

The

night.

all

effect

we were

able to

communi-

was magic when the voice of Jose Artur or

of Gonzague Saint-Bris came through the walls to keep us company. It

was

as if

would I

tell

they were in the a story

cell

with

We

us.

were

enthralled. Later,

I

every night using the same system.

subsequently refmed the invention.

which were too heavy and awkward

we

cut-up springs which

got rid of the bed bars,

I

and substituted

to manipulate,

kept in our suitcases. But the principle

remained the same. At night, the minute the guards switched on the generator, assembled our 'system' under cover of the din

terrible racket.

But

our immense

to

made. Removing

it

them from

the bars from the beds and passing

we

cell to cell

only one

satisfaction, the

made

a

we had

in that

nightmare world, they never discovered our communication

system.

Our

amplifiers

were always concealed between our

Eventually, there was only

damp, and

I

kept

survival, the only

it

We

left

that

had not succumbed

on me. That one was

sacred.

means we had of keeping

Barefoot and dressed in

summer.

one

rags,

no longer had

we

we

or medicines, or watches, books,

We

had to plead, beg

gaolers: a precious

used sparingly, or batteries for the radio that

We

managed

to get these

from

a little

midday

morning and evening

to give us bread.

breakfast, prepared

we eked out for man who had

all

by Achoura on her

we would

into our cells

to bring us meal trays, and at

At around eight

with chick-pea puree, so diluted that water. First of

pen

old

known one of my uncles, his regional governor. Our routine was regulated by the guards. They came three times a day,

to the

was for Raouf's

shivered in winter and suffocated in

a nurse,

and wheedle the occasional favour out of the

months.

It

in contact.

paper, pencils, records or toys for the children.

that

legs.

thirty,

patio. it

was

It

they brought us

was coffee mixed

little

more than hot

hear their shoes pounding the ground

outside, then the hatefiil jangling of their keys. Their arrival terrified us, for

we

always had something to hide: the radio, the batteries, the

system or the holes in the walls.

As our

cells

were

at

right angles to each other,

146

whenever they

BIR-JDID PRISON

my

opened

would each other.

We

door

at

the same time as they opened Mother's,

position ourselves so as to catch a fleeting glimpse of the

were constantly thinking up schemes

midday we heard

announcing the

their whistles

doors and deposited our

They never allowed

we were

to glimpse a patch of sky,

For the In the

we were

us any respite;

us

we would

all

few months,

first

morning

I

opened the

would

see

never able to forget

We

cells.

When we

around the clock, day in and day out.

on

of the bread

again,

trays.

locked up in those wretched

towers; they spied

Around

like this.

arrival

came back

van, then around seven thirty they

that

we

were watched

clung to the gratings

them watching

us

from the

the time, even through the walls.

we

clung to

a

semblance of

play volleyball with

my

a timetable.

sisters in

the 'sports

we had made a ball with scraps of fabric. Depending on our mood, we might then have a 'bums and tums' workout, and afterhall';

wards, sweaty and exhausted, we'd have a 'shower'. Soukaina had

developed

made her Later,

sponded.

The saw

tendency to put on weight.

a

exercise to stop her letting herself go.

we

gave up physical exercise.

We

lost interest in everything.

days dragged

we

it,

felt it, it

thing was to master

Our

bodies no longer re-

on interminably. Our main enemy was

was it.

tangible, monstrous, threatening.

During the

wafting in through the

were

rationed her food and

I

window

day,

to

all it

mock

took was

us and

time.

The

a gentle

remind us

We

hardest

breeze

that

we

prisoners.

In the summer, dusk brought back

memories of the sweetness of

the old days, the end of a day at the beach, time for an aperitif, the

laughter of friends, the smell of the sea, the tang of

bronzed

We

skin.

didn't

one hole

relived the Httle

I

I

we

in the wall to another.

lost all

notion of time.

weeks, a year meant nothing. die inwardly.

on

my

do much. We'd follow the progress of a cockroach from Doze. Empty our minds. The sky

changed colour and the day drew to and

salt

had experienced.

I

a close.

The weeks dragged

A week felt Hke And

I

was wasting away.

often had the feeUng

147

a day, the

I

was Hving in

a

months I

by, like

learned to black hole.

TWENTY YEARS

surrounded by darkness. As

if

were

I

well and bouncing off the walls,

We

PRISON

IN

a ball falling

down

bottomless

a

boiti^, being, being.

were becoming progressively immured

broken

in a silence

only by the mouhazzins footsteps, their whisdes, the janghng of their keys, the singing of the birds, the braying of a

donkey we

called

Cornelius, at around 4 a.m., or the rustHng of the palm trees in the

The

wind.

We

rest

we

of the day

didn't hear a sound.

hubbub of

gradually forgot the

the

versation in the cafes, the ringing phone,

sounds that are part of everyday

city,

and which

life

murmur of con-

the

car horns,

all

those familiar

we had

so sorely

missed.

Mimi was calculated

it

who

the one

from

had an

infallible

dow. Whenever we asked her the time,

sense

any point in the day, she

at

would poke her head out from under her covers and 'Ten past three,' or 'A quarter past

of time. She

through our tiny win-

the sun's rays that filtered

say:

four.'

She was never wrong.

We

were allowed

a small

packet of Tide each month, with which

had to wash ourselves, our clothes and salt

to clean

cleaning

our

teeth.

them with

At one point

earth, as

tongue covered

his

When

the guards

in

white

opened

we had

my

spots, so

ceU,

I

water tap on the wall opposite to wash

we

foam everywhere. The mouhazzin thought treatment that

They

we had

talked about

such

it

didn't

make any

to the cold-

hair with Tide. that

it

There was

was thanks

to this

straight hair.

among

'She's got lovely hair.

purple and swollen

stopped.

would rush over

my

we

used

the bright idea of

mouth

his

We

did with the plates. But

we sometimes

one morning Abdellatif woke up with and

the pots and pans.

I

themselves:

tried

washing powder on mine, but

it

difference.'

Using washing powder

as

shampoo mainly made our

hair

fall

out

and gave us eczema.

We gear.

always wore the same clothes, which

Mother

we

called

our combat

salvaged the fabric from our old clothes and the covers

of the foam mattresses. She made us trousers with elasticated waists.

148

BIR-JDID PRISON

As

if

by deliberate coincidence,

the same time.

We

hand towels into

were worn dry by the

we

and used them over and over again

strips

had to wash

we

at

cut

until they

HaHma

to

to

were ready so

legs apart until they

could re-use them.

We

This lack of privacy was torture. other

the time

all

—

washing, going to the

or with a fever were

all

shared.

Only

at

we

Despite everything apart

in full

toilet

and moaning in pain

we

mother.

It

was

I

who

we

night could

cry our hearts

us.

got along well. There were no arguments

from the occasional quarrel between the

eye on them. As

view of each

Uved

out under the covers without anyone hearing

my

them

these rags, pass

and wait with our

fire,

seven of us had our periods

had no cotton wool or sanitary towels, so

We

out.

all

didn't have

raised

but

girls,

Mummy with

us,

I

I

always kept

became

their

them and taught them good manners and

respect for others.

wouldn't allow the

I

even

prison, not

chewed

We

we

behaved properly

freezing

water

salt

that turned

Raouf wanted

to

make

flin

we

washed ourselves scrupu-

when we had our

periods, despite the

given every day in the middle of winter

to divest myself of

mimicked the governess, to

We

our skin bright red and made us

was unable

I

we were

the table,

at

and 'thank you', and 'excuse me'.

said 'please'

washed our hands before meals.

lously every day, especially

had

We

at Bir-Jdid.

deHcately,

breach of manners, not even in

slightest

my

shriek.

of me, he put on

Rieffel.

that's

to bear anything, or nearly anything, but

German

a

didn't care.

I

triumph over the body, and

When

Palace upbringing.

Of course,

what made I

accent and

insisted

we

mind

the

possible for us

it

take a pride in

ourselves so as not to lose our humanity.

Sometimes face ageing.

women:

would indulge

made

during Ramadan.

on

all

face,

a face

told

my

skin did not

fit

me

We

grabbed them

night. Result: the

and

We

I

in a

of vanity.

wanted

I

were allowed

all

mice feasted

and made

my

dates

and appUed

few

dates only

a

a paste,

which

to their hearts' content

seem any the

better for

I

kept

on

my

it.

cut our hair with the Uttle nail scissors that

149

to stop

the beauty secret of the Berber

mask of steamed, pureed

over their complexion.

all

it

they

I

Mother had

Mother had been

TWENTY YEARS

allowed to keep to make our clothes. that

made him

three hairs

on

anxious, especially

as

PRISON

IN

Raouf didn't have a beard, and we used to tease him about the

his chin.

Towards the end, however, he grew

a goatee;

he claimed that the

day he shaved would signal the end of our incarceration.

made up on

This prediction,

moment, came

true.

he asked our gaolers to shave him, mvoking the

One morning

which was

pretext of virility

'I'm a man,' he pleaded,

They took him out

A month

the spur of the

we

later,

their soft spot.

'I

can't stay

Uke

into the courtyard

this.'

and shaved off his goatee.

escaped.

STARVATION Hunger humihates, hunger family,

debases.

your friends and your

Hunger makes you

values.

Hunger

turns

you

betray your

mon-

into a

ster.

We

were always hungry.

Every two weeks, the mouhazzin deHvered provisions to Achoura's and she cooked for us

cell,

all.

She had to contrive to feed nine

people with what they gave her until the next consignment.

was very

We dates

that

little.

never had any milk, butter or

fruit,

except a few shrivelled

and mouldy oranges from time to time. Rotting vegetables, two

bowlflils

of flour,

eggs, a piece

month and

a

of

a

bowl of chick peas and one of lentils, twelve bad

spoilt

meat, a few lumps of sugar,

—

Utde tub of Tide

that

was aU

had never seen vegetables

in

such a

state,

of

a Utre

we were

There was no question of throwing anything away. But I

And

oil

per

usually given. .

and, above

.

.

all,

I

could

never have imagined that anyone could eat them. The carrots were long, thick and green.

Achoura would use the mouldy green auber-

gines to prepare a dish that the children

nicknamed 'Japanese

tagine

.

The lentils were flill of creepy-crawlies that floated in the water. By cooking and recooking each ingredient, we managed to soften the food's consistency and forget the way it tasted and looked. Worse, we actually fought for second helpings. Our digestive problems

150

BIR-JDID PRISON

seemed small compared with the other us.

Our

become used

bodies had

unhmited water

to drink, but

that

ills

permanently dogged

We

to the lack of hygiene.

had

tasted salty

and didn't quench our

HaUma had

organized a mini black

it

thirst.

suspected that Achoura and

I

market with the food, swapping sugar or bread with the other

No

matter

how

often

I

the

'It's

So

rats, it's

down

counted,

thing was always missing.

They would

the mice,

it

went

provisions arrived,

off.

I

but

.' .

made an inventory and

me

forced Achoura to pass each item to

hole

some-

to the last chick pea,

say: I

didn't trust them.

decided to take charge of the food stocks. As soon

I

we had made between

our two

cells.

as

confiscated them.

one by one through

cells.

the I

a tiny

put everything they gave

I

us in the Httle cell next to ours, in a makeshift larder

under the

The bread was hidden in a suitcase. possible, to make sure we would be able

to save as

paving

much

slabs.

as

I

wanted

to

last

out until the

next dehvery.

Every day

we needed

a little sugar for

our

ing

fast

we

the coffee in the morning,

when we hunger;

We

and was the most obsessed with food.

it

had vegetables. In

was too hot, and

ate

around

coffee, a snack

eleven o'clock for the boys, especially for Abdellatif,

who was grow-

girls ate little: after

nothing more until supper time,

summer we

we were

didn't suffer too badly

used to

In winter, however, our stomachs protested violently but

from

regime.

this starvation

we

pre-

tended not to hear them. In the evening

I

gave Achoura the ingredients to cook a

which she prepared over the nine of

us. Invariably,

brazier

the same scene

tagine,

and then shared between the

would

The

take place.

Ouflkir

household's cordon-bleu chef would sob against the wall:

how am supposed to feed everybody with so Httle?' Her tears left me unmoved. was merciless. If we were to hold out for the whole fortnight, we had to be thrifty. In spring we ate a wild plant, a weed, a sort of dandeUon that 'But, Kika,

I

I

Halima gathered garlic I

and

in the courtyard

a dribble

of oHve

invented recipes to

oil,

and

and use

make our

151

that it

I

boiled up.

I

would add

in sandwiches.

supplies

go

further.

In winter

I

TWENTY YEARS

would mix

a

We

into tumblers.

put in

I

water, sugar and three spoonfuls of

morning

PRISON

small glass of flour, a small glass of semolina and a small

of powdered chick peas which

glass

IN

a

saucepan with

Then

oil.

a litre

of

poured the mixture

I

reused the disgusting coffee grounds from our

A

coffee over and over again.

sprig of

mint spent days and

days being passed from one cup of hot water to another to give us the illusion of mint

tea.

Every two days, the guards brought us bread

would

tip

in

cardboard boxes.

the loaves out onto the floor and Soukaina and

I

I

would

quickly Hft up the flaps on the boxes and remove the thin layer of

We

paper that hned them. This paper was

One

used

precious to us

as

day, while

I

down

to write

it

the stories

told.

I

food.

as

was busy pulling off the paper,

saw the three

I

Ucking the floor for crumbs that had dropped from the box.

girls

From

that

dogs, they

moment,

established a rule. Instead of fighting

would each have

we were

At Bir-Jdid

were green, and

made

1

us feel

iU.

I

morning

mixture and as

was

broke them,

1

fi-ied

them

tial, it filled

our stomachs and

the

cell.

to aerate over night,

shells

sugar.

I

and

in

soaked chunks of bread in

thrill

ran from cell to

warded off our hunger,

toast

had become experts

ate

them

left

the smell rose up, a

The French

even

normal egg. The

in oil.

party time.

We

a

stray

black Uquid, the smell of which

a vile

whisked them with

the this

As soon

inside

their day, their turn at

never once given

hke

the crumbs.

it

it

cell.

It

was

was substan-

wasn't so disgusting.

in the art

of salvaging everything.

We

bread soaked in the urine and faeces of the mice that overran I

can

still

picture

Mimi,

sitting

up

in bed,

picking off the

httle black droppings sprinkled aU over the bread with the delicacy of a duchess,

before raising the morsels to her

lips.

All

our rations were

fouled by rodents.

To improve our everyday

fare,

we

gathered the

figs that fell

from

The first year, when we were still allowed many as possible. Achoura made fruit salads,

the trees in the courtyard. out,

we crammed

which

in as

satisfied us a httle.

When we

were

all

in soUtary

confinement,

Halima gathered them on her own.

Once

the guards saw that

we Uked 152

these

figs,

they would shake

BIR-JDID PRISON

them down from and

eat

them

the trees before entering our

of

in front

or dried ones, and

fruits,

us.

finished their

had

We

share.

was so violent

who

Only

the

that

we

hadn't yet

of behaviour that

strict rules

I

everyone stopped us from fighting.

tagine

hounds scenting

Day and

It

one of the others

at

fantasized about a piece of meat,

of the guards' as

meagre

instilled in

only too happy to have those.

us to the limit.

envious glances

cast

and then stand

had to make do with the rotten

we were

Hunger sometimes drove would

We

cells,

night

we

wafted in on the wind.

salivated

when

Then we were

the smell as

excited

their quarr)^.

we dreamed of eating and we

felt

ashamed

have

to

sunk so low.

Mimi, the most

fragile

of us

had no scruples about

all,

steaUng a few dried beans which she'd

under the covers.

We

chew

secretly

day long, her head

all

nicknamed her 'Mimi the baker' because she

loved flour and bread.

When we

played our favourite game, 'yo^^

have forty-eight hours' freedom, you can do what you Uke', she

would

invariably reply:

stop outside a baker's shop,

'I

I

stuff

myself with bread and

I

bring

back tons of cakes.'

Raouf planned

to screw every

bookshop and buy added with

as

woman

many books

as

I

he met.

I

wanted

to raid a

could carry away with me.

I

a sigh:

'And make love with

a passing stranger, just to

fmd out what

it's

Uke.'

The

children

dreamed of toys.

In our family, Christmas had always been sacred.

where Islam was dominant, Christmas was didn't stop us celebrating

it

in style,

still

Even

at

and the same went for birthdays.

We

planned for them months ahead, saving up to make

cut

down on

big cake, which the guards unwittingly took from it

A

a cake.

We

everyone's portions, and put aside eggs and sugar,

depriving ourselves of everything. But on the festive day,

hid

the Palace,

Christmas. Rationing

we had

cell to cell, for

our

we

under heaps of rags.

few days before Christmas Eve, Achoura and Halima

153

slid their

TWENTY YEARS

gas pipe

through the hole

we

tions

wall.

I

connected

how we made huge and

fried chick peas, flour, eggs, oil, coffee

organized:

PRISON

our partition

in

butane gas stove. That was

little

IN

sugar.

Yule

We

logs,

with

were very well

shortbread biscuits, custard, chocolate or vanilla substitute

them

so

that

much

I

that

We

cell to ours.

need

didn't

put the Yule logs outside to freeze.

we

squabbled over the

a fridge:

We

whenever we could. One year we

with wheels of silver

wrote him

I

Then,

foil.

Now,

of a piece of cardboard.

Every year

I

him an

wouldn't

I

enjoyed

We

we

aircraft carrier

with

Volkswagen

made anything out

know where

to begin.

We

forged handwriting.

left it specially

made

salvaged

pre-

He beheved

for him.

of fourteen.

until the age

Halima collected some

mud

on the

footprints

from the courtyard and Mother used

floor of her

cell.

Then, Abdellatif was the happiest child happiness

that

saffron yellow

could have

a letter in

tended that Father Christmas had

draw

built

Mercedes trucks and

fighter planes, tanks,

to

of cardboard

for Uttle Abdellatif with pieces

it

crumbs.

last

Christmas wouldn't have been complete without toys.

some

it

my

—

was so cold

it

to

divided the work, and passed our various prepara-

from Achoura and Halima's

cars

it

made our

and

in the world,

his

hearts glow.

SCHEHERAZADE we had no

As

textbooks, exercise books or paper,

giving lessons. But the

asked

me

if

the mouth, as best

I

had already had

I

what

it

felt

a boyfriend,

Hke to have your

could, drawing

I'd learned

were curious

girls

on

my own

of us

isolated

all,

Achoura and HaHma I

listened,

ered.

I

was

leam about

how you

Hfe.

boy on

kissed a

breasts caressed.

They

answered

I

limited experience and

on what

from books.

Abdellatif was avid to leam;

most

to

had stopped

I

I

Mother needed

to talk.

Raouf, the

used the 'system' to give vent to

his feelings.

suffered

comforted,

I

from depression.

advised,

a real chatterbox.

I

taught,

I

told stories,

At the end of the day,

154

I

felt

I

moth-

exhausted

BIR-JDID PRISON

from having given them

Then

my

were

that they

had

I

a

all

my

energy.

But

how

could

I

refuse,

given

entire raison d'etre}

brainwave.

was going to

I

tell

them

a Story. In this

them of Hfe, of love. I would give the younger ones the benefit of my experience; I would take them on journeys, make them dream, laugh and cry. I would teach them history and

way,

could

I

talk to

geography, science and Uterature.

knew, and for the

rest, well, I'd

improvise

was no small undertaking.

It

would

I

different concerns

Not

Abdellatif

own

their

we

to

and

immediately put

it

An hour later, the to start my Story.

cell to cell.

was able

went on teUing

I

from the three

girls,

or Httle

who all had so much that

all

Uked the

idea

into practice.

the generator started up,

as

their

At twenty, Raouf

interest.

mention Mother, Achoura and HaHma

preoccupations. But they

As soon

I

fantasies

I

.

.

had to take into account

I

different ages to try to sustain everyone's

had very

.

them everything

give

it

we

passed the 'system' from

infernal noise stopped and, in the dark,

night after night, for ten years, just like

Scheherazade.

At

first I'd

came

guards

minute

I

for

until three o'clock in the

Towards the end,

four.

was

go on

I

to

wake

picked up

I'd

us up.

my

morning, and then until

stop around eight o'clock, when the I

had reinvented the radio

microphone,

I

would

serial.

The

get comfortable and

I

off.

simply needed to sketch an outhne or say the characters' names

them

to take shape in

characters altogether,

would

reveal itself

destinies.

Then

I

all

first,

my

mind. There were

different,

would invent

a past for

know

really

apart

them,

a

and

know why.

their

genealogy and

I

didn't

hadn't seen any films or read any books about

from Doctor Zhivago, which

the palace at St Petersburg

as if

takes place a Httle later.

had Uved

I

a

everything about them.

Story was set in nineteenth-century Russia, although I

fifty

Their appearance

fascinating.

then their personality, their paths

family, for the children craved to

The

all

hundred and

a

there.

I

told

I

it,

described

them of the

raids of the Cossacks, the sleigh rides on the frozen Volga, the

aristocrats

and the muzhiks.

I

was

at

155

the same time noveHst, screen-

TWENTY YEARS

writer, director

and

own

fantasies, desires

emotions,

Thus

I

actress.

IN

In creating

PRISON

these roles,

all

and nightmares to the

love.

was perverse,

1

was disturbed to

realize the extent

them

Story was so real to

them

When

at will.

the point that

it

that

The

I

I

of my power over the others.

could manipulate and influence

would

I

restore

Story was part of our everyday hfe, to

caused arguments and passions to

for this character, another

and deadly.

traitor.

sensed they were unhappy,

I

things with a few phrases.

was

full.

shy, generous, cruel

took turns being the hero, the heroine and the

The

my

vicariously experienced adultery, homosexuality, betrayal

and passionate

I

explored

I

was

They

against.

One

flare.

discussed

it

faction

among

themselves during the day.

'Do you think Natasha 'No,' explained Raouf,

will 'I

be

all

asked Soukaina.

right?'

don't think Russia will declare war.'

The Story was called 'The Black Flakes'. The protagonist was a young prince, Andrei Ulianov, who lived in Tsarist Russia. Handsome and very wealthy, he was

also perverse

committed

a

UUanov

suicide.

The only

a

left

was

grandmother,

his

inherited.

by thousands of acres of

thousand muzhiks. His only passion was horse-

His grandmother wanted to present him

vehemently refused.

On

family he had

lived in a vast palace, surrounded

He owned

riding.

lost his parents

baby; his mother died in childbirth and his father had

whose stunning looks he had

land.

and thought

evil,

He had

only of spreading wickedness around him.

when he was

and

He

at

court, but

preferred to gallop across his estate

hearing him coming, everyone would

he thought up thousands of nasty

hide.

tricks, just for

He was

he

at sunset.

so evil that

the pleasure of seeing

others suffer.

One

evening he

around him

to

fell

make

from sure

his horse.

His

initial reflex

nobody had witnessed

Wasn't he one of the best horsemen

in the

his

kingdom? As he scrambled

to his feet, he noticed an object ghnting in the dust.

around and found some amulets.

He

was to look humiliation.

He groped

picked them up and remounted

his horse.

On

his return

home, he demanded

156

to

know

the identity of the

BIR-JDID PRISON

would massacre

amulets, otherwise he

owner of the

His steward went to

visit

the muzhiks.

all

the elderly Ivan, a patriarch with a long,

white beard, and implored

Old Ivan turned

help.

his

pale.

The

amulets belonged to his fourteen-year-old granddaughter, Natasha.

The steward asked Out riding the

Ivan to bring her to him, but the

sound of laughter.

He

Uhanov was

next day, Andrei

girl

When

him.

hid behind some bushes and saw Natasha and

as

dark

pursued them on horseback.

Two

He

caught

by

force.

days

later,

his palace

Nikita was

as

they saw Andrei, they took

the marshes.

Moscow, came

He

including one Brezhinsky,

him

a horse

in his

life,

fair.

fright

at

Natasha was

She was dancing for

and ran away. UHanov

who

Nikita,

vanished into

raped her and carried her off to

Nicolas Barinsky, the son of the governor of

to see him.

at his

shot

Uttle Natasha,

He

told Andrei that

who

he was going to have

was accompanied by some

to leave for the army. Barinsky

been found

fled.

intrigued by the

her betrothed, Nikita, bathing naked in the pond. stunningly beautiful,

had

home. Andrei agreed

in

He

to help Brezhinsky.

and guided him through the marshes. For the

he was involved

friends,

had to flee the country. Leaflets had

first

lent

time

an act of rebellion against the ruUng

powers, but he was not yet aware of aU the repercussions

would

it

have.

That was the opening chapter. Each night

I

added more

honing the descriptions of people and making created suspense, alternating events.

I

managed

Nowadays, graphic detail.

I

I

duce something without

my

to

all

would be incapable of teUing don't like

know how my that

and keep

ever tiring or boring

us that the

girls

our

side,

dramatic turns of

my

a

story so

rich in

imagination managed to proit

going for those ten years

audience. in the

middle of the night.

sound wasn't working, Raouf would whistle

non-stop. Carried away by the

I

on tenterhooks.

Frequently one of the wires would snap

To inform

their paths cross.

new developments and

keep them

characters,

would come and

my tell

story,

I

didn't hear a thing, but

me. Then we'd

all

and Raouf 's whistUng would stop only

157

one of

repair the wire

when he

on

could hear

TWENTY YEARS

me

happen

again. This could

when

my

Obliged to answer,

away the

guards looked

him

at

way

The gence.

them

to scare

that?

off,'

But

They may have

We

was the only way

it

The

infested the prison.

common

it's

at

knowledge.

It's

ill-treated us,

way we

our resourcefulness and but they

the

still

admired

intelli-

us.

They

grasped opportunities and turned

when Raouf

let slip

we

whistled,

were torn between the urge

which we never

whistling.

They beheved my brother immediately.

to advantage.

then on,

that

did

it

he repUed.

guards were often amazed

From back.

and mice

as

amazement. Raouf repUed haughtily:

in

respected us for the clever

them

one night,

brother explained that

rats

know

'What, you didn't only

several times in

came and asked Raouf why he was

the guards

to frighten

PRISON

IN

heard them whistling

to laugh at their stupidity,

an opportunity to do, and the wretchedness

of being watched so closely that not the

slightest

movement

escaped

them.

Then, carried away by the

Our

spirit

of the game,

I

told other stories.

imaginations roamed from Tsarist Russia to Poland, Sweden,

Switzerland, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Germany, the American Civil

War and

'Sissi'. I

the Bavaria of 'Mad'

even wrote

a novel, a series

I

it all

on the

our escape, entrusted

These

all

them days,

my to,

when

we're together,

humbly beHeve

pattern to our Hves.

we had no

I

scribbled

it

down

during

scrapbooks were destroyed by the friend

memory of this horrendous

but

Soukaina

cover.

I

had

because he was afraid of being compromised.

mentions one of the characters,

truly,

grandmother

thin sheets of salvaged paper. Unfortunately, during

we

prison, but the Story has lost nothing

I

a

or Empress

Liaisons dangereuses.

down, and even designed the

did actually consign the Story to paper.

the day

II

of letters between

and her granddaughter, based on Les noted

King Ludwig

The

rarely speak

of

its

When

magic.

faces light up.

It

of our time in

one of us

remains our best

period.

that this Story saved us

all.

It

helped give

a

radio permitted us to keep track of the date,

markers, no milestones in our

lives,

other than those

of Christmas and birthdays. So our characters had them for got engaged, married, had babies,

fell ill,

158

died.

us:

they

BIR-JDID PRISON

We

would

'Oh

say to each other:

you remember,

yes, don't

was so hot the day Natasha met

it

.'

the Prince

.

.

Or: 'No, you're wrong,

I

didn't have a fever

was bom, but when he became Tsar

Thanks

.

When

I

described the ball

the lace,

dresses,

Andrei's grandson

.

we

to the Story, thanks to the characters,

to madness.

beaded

when

.'

gowns

didn't

in intricate detail, the

and jewellery, the

taffeta

succumb

the

carriages,

dashing officers and the beautiful countesses waltzing to the strains of the Tsar's orchestras,

hunger,

we

forgot the

could

We

in prison. to

AND SCOURGES

have died twenty times over, but every time

all

emerged again unscathed was

the sanitary towels, the cold,

the salty water, typhoid and dysentery.

filth,

ILLNESSES

We

fleas,

firom the

numerous

illnesses

were protected by a mysterious god

we

we

contracted

whose main design

keep us aHve, although he didn't spare us the most horrific

ordeals.

Some of the

illnesses

infections, diarrhoea

rhoids, rheumatism. at

suffered

were very

and mysterious

viruses.

But they were

just as painful, for

all. I

sweats that were so bad, she stayed in bed

and dry her four or

It

five times a day.

her chest from

a

without moving for eight

Poor Mimi

less

viru-

all

all.

suflfered fevers all I

our anxiety

Her

the time.

I

would apply

tin

we had no

oil.

and violent had to wash scalding hot

heated up by Achoura, attacks.

epileptic

fits left

her exhausted

She suffered a severe depression after the brutal

sudden withdrawal of her

pints

for

the sickest of us

and bedridden.

Then

powdered-milk

was the supreme remedy

Mimi was

Others were

treated everything with ohve

Maria became severely anorexic. She

water to

serious: violent fevers,

and bronchitis, headaches or toothaches, haemor-

lent: sore throats

medicines

we

also

tranquillizers.

years.

I

She stayed in bed almost

had to force her to wash.

had so many large haemorrhoids that she

of blood from the open wounds. Every day

159

I

cleaned

daily lost

them with

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

made her

soap and water to stop them festering, which pain.

was impossible

It

Anyway, she no longer

for her, in this condition, to

flinch

go to the

with

toilet.

ate anything.

Towards the end, Mimi's health deteriorated completely. Her

hung by

thread.

a

The

and

lack of food

life

of blood made her

loss

anaemic. But she remained stalwart. She never complained. In vain

pleaded with Borro to send her a doctor. Her

complexion

sallow,

our eyes and

On

we

top of the

and she had no

nails left.

gums were

She was dying before

couldn't do anything to prevent

illnesses,

we had

to deal with

I

white, her

it.

unwelcome

guests, often

carrying diseases. During the torrential rains, thousands of tree frogs feU to the ground.

We

them

to Abdellatif to play with.

some

time.

Then

my joints

feel

Our in

cells

sounded person

situated

below

Lying in the dark,

I

water tower; the walls oozed, even

a

The ceiHng was covered with

it.

night they attacked, dive

at

like jet engines.

We

bombing

us with a noise that

organized competitions: an egg for the

kiUed the most mosquitoes by the end of the week.

Maria was the champion mosquito

slayer.

Each spring swallows nested on the first

I

shiny.

skin.

were

who

At night

and

painful.

for quite

freezing cold, their long antennae

summer. The mosquitoes loved

them, and

Fat, black

were constantly

them crawling over me,

my

brushing

the bucketfial and gave

They kept him occupied

were the cockroaches.

there

couldn't sleep,

could

them by

collected

we were

thrilled;

For two weeks

little

wall facing our

At

cell.

they distracted us from the usual monotony.

we watched them

going about their hves. The same

couple came back every year, for ten years. They built their nest,

mated and then the female Each

stage

especially

at

her eggs.

was accompanied by

when

just once. All

laid

they were mating.

day

we

heard

tit,

tit,

a

running commentary from

They

tit,

us,

were not content to do

which meant

that the

it

male was

it.

But the swallows

also

brought

fleas,

160

which

bit us mercilessly.

They

BIR-JDID PRISON

We

attacked our armpits and our groins.

and the pain was unbearable.

bled,

hung down

After a few days, our genitals were so swollen that they

our

As

thighs.

neighbouring

'The four

usual,

we made

a

have got

balls

We

ran over our beds.

agreeable cellmates. Tiny and quick, they

great drought.

We

ent, giving

the princely

it

it

gnawed had

a

we

title

we nicknamed Benev-

It

died from overeating, which

starving.

droppings

left their

heavy woollen plum-coloured jellabah that

winter,

I

went

when

to fetch

it

as usual. All that

was

For matter source.

a

few months there was

how I

often

I

my

hunted everywhere. Finally the

mattress.

The

A

mouse and her

my

of one

start

was the embroi-

The mice had

clothes,

girls

I

at

eaten

anything

No

We

removed

fmd

couldn't

me

helped

babies had nested in

sleep.

it

the

search inside

to

keep warm.

their withered corpses.

stench was unbearable.

must

also

mention the

they got in everywhere

crickets;

the hot weather came, and our ears

Not

a nail

a nauseating smell in the cell.

washed myself and

had crushed them in

I

left

I

they could get their teeth into.

else

I

hung on

I

of it, in the same way that they nibbled away

rest

They

bonus.

as a

the dry season came. At the

dery around the neck, the front and the hemhne.

up the

during the

of the French statesman Talleyrand

a club foot.

everything they found and

behind the door

my

down

put

and

rats that

those mice merrily devoured our food reserves.

said,

I

had

we were

ironic given that

As

and poison

adopted one mouse, which

because, Hke him,

their big holes

coped with them better than with the

despite the traps

us,

told the

now!'

were everywhere. At night they emerged from

invaded

We

joke of our misfortune.

cells:

girls

The mice made more

is

we

scratched ourselves until

hummed

as

soon

as

with their chirring.

forgetting those deUghtflil visitors, the scorpions that scuttled

everywhere.

Of all

our undesirable

guests, the rats inspired the greatest fear

loathing in us. At night they waited until the generator shut

come and

visit us.

We

lay curled

up

Ustening anxiously, but that didn't

161

in our beds, rigid

mean we

didn't

still

and

down

with

to

terror,

manage

to

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

joke about them. They arrived in hordes, thud, thud, thud, and squeezed under the reinforced door, jostHng for

made them even more

aggressive. Their scrabbHng

They clambered onto the beds without lay

numb

with

They turned

really

belligerent

bodies

down

as

we

traps.

They were

biting,

place,

first

broke the

which silence.

but ran over our

fear.

when

the guards started putting

starving because of the drought. At that point

they started coming into our ceU during the day, looking for food.

One

fat

be crawling with plague-carrying

said to it

was

up

female was always followed by two young

true.

With

red

I

me

cell.

The

it

sweU

to three times

wild beast.

It

nothing except

I

it

with

its size,

with

stared at its

1

wanted

to find out if

pushed one of the baby

rats

was suddenly covered with them,

to the stomach.

and chased

others,

girls,

I

were

there with a short stick. Millions of

floor

decided to go on the attack.

on the

I

and pinned

invaded the

fleas

which sickened

me

cornered one

my its

stick.

rat,

closed the door

Fear and rage had

ruflled fur

making

it

menacingly, ready to pounce.

made

it

look like a I

could see

front fangs.

told myself:

'It's

only a

rat.'

Sensing that into a I

the help of the

against the wall

fleas.

rats that

I

was bent on attacking

comer and launched

itself

screamed blue murder. The

claws.

I

battered

it,

but

its

girls

death

it,

the rat shot

up the wall

my head. me from its

from on high, landing on rushed over to rescue

made me

feel uneasy.

I

felt as

though

human being, its screeches were so heart-rending. The rats' visits became rarer, then after a week they were back. We had grown used to their presence. Later, they even became a standing I'd killed a

joke.

We would ask Mimi 'It's

the time:

nearly time for the

rats,'

she'd reply.

HUMOUR One

day

banged

at

Tamattaght one of the captains of the gendarmes, Chafiq,

his foot against a table.

Thinking he was expressing himself in

162

BIR-JDID PRISON

the polished French he had heard us use, he turned to Mother, his

and

face crimson,

'Mi

We

said:

—

cougne

suis

beng

I

m'sef.'

adopted the expression and

became

it

we had

language of the Beavers, for that was what

of the special

part

called ourselves

—

reference to our desire to go and Hve in Canada.

A

who

sergeant

called himself 'chief

we nicknamed Caphe resembled. He

Brahim'

whom

name of one of our cooks

paccico, the

always strutted around with his hands in his pockets, jiggling his male

from one

attributes

side

of his trousers to the other.

One

day, in conversation,

'I've

got

it all

After that,

up

he said to

here. Electronics

us,

pointing to his head:

come from

in here.'

whenever we spoke about someone who was

had only to look

one another and make

at

clever,

we

that gesture to burst out

laughing.

Humour

allowed us to survive even

From

worst moments.

we

among

functioned

the time of

full

If

we

wooden

bond

a barrier

as a family.

—

the

at

was

most painful

We

of allusions understood only by

guards, and strengthened our

all

father's death, that

especially ourselves.

This permanent banter helped create

were often

most of

ourselves, laughing at the

mocking other people and coded language

my

—and

how

things,

spoke our

own

us.

between us and the

Our

favourite sayings

utter nonsense.

said, for

spears,'

example, 'The Beavers entered Sydney brandishing it

meant

that

we had

succeeded in what

we had

set

out to do.

Mouthing

'ra.t.t.t'

tory.

When

we'd

say they

meant

that

something was an out-and-out vic-

one of us was trying had 'done

fraught with air pockets.

a

to

tell

a story

and got mixed up,

Malaga', because the flight to Malaga was

We

still

use these codes today

when we

don't want strangers to understand what we're talking about. Princess Nehza,

September 1977. for

we had

humour

all

the King's

We

sister,

was

killed in

heard the news on the radio and

been very fond of the

got the better of us.

163

Princess.

a it

car crash in

saddened

us,

But our sense of

TWENTY YEARS

'If

we

only they'd

let

PRISON

IN

us out for the wake,

we'd hide among the

talba,'

said.

For these paid mourners dressed in white body, reciting verses from the Koran,

it

who

kept

vigil

over the

was an opportunity to be fed

well in the great bourgeois or royal households that employed for the occasion. as

much food

as

Then we

we

them

pictured ourselves, disguised, concealing

could in our jeUabahs to bring back to prison.

Each of us had one or more nicknames, depending on the circumstances.

Maria was 'Haile

skinny.

Raouf was 'Bobino

'Jiji

Machakil'

to run

round

—

-Jiji

Selassie'

problems' in Arabic.

We

Chip King', or 'Mounch', or even

the

my

dog

after a Httle

in circles, like

or 'the Negus' because she was so

father

once had which used

Raouf, and Machakil which means 'with

called

him

this

because he was always trying

to square the circle.

Mimi was

'Petit Pole', a

Disney polar bear cub, because she was

always cold, or 'Mimi the baker' because she loved bread. referred to her as 'Bert the atom'. This

one day when Mother had

We

also

nickname had come about

her temper with her for the hun-

lost

dredth time over her clumsiness. 'She's a muddler, she can't

beside herself

do anything

when Mimi once

bowl of food or the precious

properly,' said Mother,

knocked over

again accidentally

dish

of embers which we used

to

a

warm

our hands.

'Mummy,

you're wrong,'

I

said, 'she's

going to be

a genius.

When

Albert Einstein began his research into the atom, he was also very

clumsy and was always burning himself

So whenever Mimi knocked something

over,

we

laughingly called

her 'Bert the atom'.

Soukaina wasn't very keen on being teased. Her

was

'Charlie', but in secret

we

called her

veiled reference to her plumpness, in

gave them in Tamattaght.

I

was

'Bob

is

official

too

memory of the

nickname

to run

fast',

a

English lessons

I

fat

called 'Hitler', 'Mazarin', 'Stalin' or

'Mussolini' because of my bossiness.

Mother and

Abdellatif

were nicknamed

'Wassila'

and 'Bourguiba',

an allusion to that inseparable couple Habib Bourguiba, the President

of Tunisia, and also

known

as

his

second wife, Wassila Ben Ammar. Mother was

'Sigmund', pronounced with

164

a

German

accent,

when

BIR-JDID PRISON

we wanted

poke fun

to

at

her tendency to analyse everything, or

'Old Scrooge', to tease her about her wild extravagance

now

that she

was deprived of everything. Achoura was 'Bamaby' or 'Baby'. Obsessed with her

Hahma

frizzy hair,

treated

she could

as best

it

with plants she gathered in the courtyard. She tried to conceal

under

a

of hair escaped from the

strands

name

was nothing to be done: two

headscarf, but there

little

scarf,

hke 'Dingo'

ears.

it

stiff

This nick-

suited her very well.

And

lastly,

we nicknamed my

Dick, king of the

an allusion to the day

sea',

Bad Wolf, or 'Moby

father 'the Big, at

the beach, just before

when he had put on huge Hfebelts to go waterskiing. The only times we ever complained about the actions that were the cause of our incarceration, we did it jokingly. the coup d'etat,

'Moby Dick would have done day.

We

now

wouldn't be here

drowned himself that

better to have .

.

.

He would

have enjoyed a

state

funeral.'

TWENTY YEARS OUTSIDE TIME Thanks Raouf,

to

our

who

httle radio,

listened to

spent hours explaining

With

the 'system'

grammes, grammes. I

as

well

We

as

we knew what was day, gave us

all

it

it all

news of the world. He

to us.

we were the

able to tune into

the

all

Moroccan and French current

Hstened to RFl, France Inter and Europe

book proaffairs

pro-

1.

wouldn't miss Jacques Chancel's Radioscopie or Jose Artur's Pop

Club for anything.

I

Hstened to the stories that Jean-Pierre Chabrol

told in his rich, husky voice,

and Alain Decaux's history broadcasts.

Mother's favourite programme was L' Oreille en other favourite broadcasters.

Not having seen

we

ined what they looked hke so

Hstened to their voices.

We owe

them

They helped a

going on outside.

Hnk

to Hfe,

Gonzague

coin.

We

their photos,

could picture them

They were our

friends,

also

had

we imagwhen we

our only companions.

a lot.

us survive.

Thanks

Hke castaways on an

Saint-Bris

and

to them, island.

his Ligne ouverte

165

we were

able to maintain

At midnight,

—

a

we

Hstened to

phone-in programme

TWENTY YEARS

IN

PRISON

covering every subject under the sun.

When

theme tune composed by

rang out in the half-dark,

the cells

went

We

quiet.

Eric

felt as

Satie

the

first

bars of the

though he were speaking only to

us.

The presenter's voice had become so familiar that I was convinced he would end up mentioning us, as if we too were his friends.

One

evening

Foreign

He was

Affairs.

Bris asked

was Michel Jobert, the French Minister of

his guest

him about

talking about

the Berbers.

my mouth

bated breath,

dry.

I

I

just

Morocco, and Gonzague Saint-

listened

with thudding heart and

knew he was going

our

to utter

name. 'Michel Jobert, eral

Gonzague

Oufkir?' asked

The

the symbol of this proud, desert people

isn't

Gen-

Saint-Bris.

minister agreed, and quickly changed the subject. But in the

darkness enveloping us, feeling of joy.

was overwhelmed with an indescribable

I

had heard

I

my

name.

I

existed.

We

all

We

existed.

could be reborn some day.

The that

between ourselves and the outside world was

wall

when food was brought

newspaper

in

to us, the guards hurriedly tore

up the

which the meat and vegetables were wrapped

so that

we wouldn't even Despite

aged to

filch a

page with paper,

which he hid

became

We

we'd

teased him,

when

official.

my

a half-torn

That scrap of

the radio and the microphones,

as carefully as

a

route. This time the

and

Raouf thus came by

divine, half-naked blonde.

a

his bible, the basis for all his fantasies.

Until the day

union

Achoura and Halima sometimes man-

fragment of newsprint.

photo of

a

fmd out what was happening.

learn the date, or

their precautions,

all

so thick

Raouf

played for Lens,

I

a

him how

his

beloved fiancee was

.

.

.

second fragment of paper arrived, via the same

photo was of got his

dreamboat, and

Another time,

ask

it

was

own

a

paunchy, moustachioed trade

back by saying he was Mother's

his turn to tease us.

got hold of a small photo of a footballer splendid athlete

whom

I

could admire to

who

my

heart's content.

We

were

tournaments

all

football fans, especially

we

me. During the World

often had to stuff rags into our

ourselves from screaming, especially

166

when

mouths

Cup

to stop

France was playing.

BIR-JDID PRISON

I

the famous France— Germany match of 1982, and

remember

Still

our enthusiasm and disappointment

Mother had made

shoot-out.

could train in

I

radio

been

free,

France

become an

have been an

would have followed activist

Hke them.

penalty

We

had explained

ardent supporter.

made me aware of feminism and I

lost in the

out of rags so that Abdellatif

shooting against the walls.

his cell,

the rules to him, and he had

The

when

a football

those

sexual Hberation.

women.

I

Had

would probably

was fascinated by Benoite and Flora

I

Groult, Muriel Cerf and by the success of Regine Deforges with The

Blue

Wind. to

envied her a

I

do with

my own Over

When When

War

her Second World

Bicycle,

my own

Uttle for stories:

novel based on Gone with

having succeeded in doing what

I

the

tried

reteUing works of universal Hterature in

way.

became

the years, the radio also

a film

came

out,

I

Robert Hossein

said to

set

up

a

source of misery for me.

myself that

I

could have been in

company,

his theatre

it.

spent entire

I

nights dreaming about being part of it.

When new

heard the presenters talking about technical advances and

I

inventions, colour television, videos, computers,

high-speed

trains,

I

shut out the information because

to highhght the gulf that separated

bear

it.

We

Then

I

me from

Concorde and it

served only

the world, and

I

couldn't

really felt outside time, cut off from everything.

when we came out, new worlds. A universe

comforted each other by imagining that

the planet

would resemble

created so that

would order daily tasks

we

the bravest of

could spend our hves

breakfast

by remote

all

sitting

and dinner and carry out control.

Those

fantasies

or lying down. all

We

the most routine

were

a

tremendous

source of entertainment.

But when the programme was

over,

when

the

found ourselves back between our four dreary

dream ended, we

walls.

Nothing had

changed.

NIGHT That was

all

there was to do. Think, ponder, cogitate, reflect and

wonder. All day our brains were working. At night

167

it

was even

TWENTY YEARS

my

worse;

past

void and

this

my

When my

came back

life

to

asleep at

fell

beneath the fanlight to glimpse

last,

my

in waves,

1

would

patch of sky.

a

Mother how she could

were perpetrated on

terable horrors us.

me

present was just

future was non-existent.

sisters

constantly asked

PRISON

IN

often get

sit

God.

railed against

I

believe in

earth.

up and

I

him when unut-

wasn't thinking only of

I

had been deeply affected by the Jewish Holocaust.

I

'If

you think he'd

there was a God,' I'd say to her, 'do

tolerate

such massacres?'

God

turned to

I

only to rebuke him and to confess that

tioned his existence. However, so terrified at the thought that

my

disloyalty that

take back

'1

I

would

what

1

warn you, I'm waiting gazed

I

Like our

life.

I

wore

a

we were

beings: in sleep,

But I

I

was

also at the

thought about

my

nightfall,

mask,

who

my

dropped

fell, 1

I

I

I

the

all

It

was Malika the strong one, the into the others.

life

last

I

felt

mercy of my demons,

As soon

close to other

my

human

ghosts.

father a lot. In the early years, his death.

I

I

felt

guilty for

had not been up to the

The

was

we

execution. That terrible

he was going to be massacred

like a

of my resistance to the King. The name that

to exterminate

had to be upheld

as

an example

Palace received reports of our dignified behaviour.

haught)' attitude that

moment of his

I

humiliation, pain and rage.

a gift

monarch wanted

of courage.

and

brought me.

it

the same.

realized that

swung between

had made him

Our

I

defences. At

imagined the

moment when he I

1

night was black.

had not been able to utter the necessary words. Each time

pictured him,

dog.

The

for the peace

breathed

not having been able to prevent task,

for

for a sign.'

authoritarian, the person

dusk

punishment

was

Like our thoughts.

During the day

as

1

and we'll go back to square one. But

said

the sky. But nothing happened.

at

as a

nerve.

ques-

say to him:

waited impatiently for

1

might be cursed

1

my

did sometimes lose

I

I

meant

that

we were

standing up to the King

refused to accept the punishment he was inflicting

a deliberate choice.

on

us.

There was no question of submitting.

168

I

BIR-JDID PRISON

my

tried to accept

anyone

I

fate.

depended neither on the King nor on

It

was mine and there was no

else, it

wondered why Hassan

often

had imposed

II

Our

death instead of killing us right away.

made

much

matters

it

at

of the

He no

been, to help

his

power.

He was

longer had a strong

him

power

assert his

He had

at

had come to

I

The two

successive coups

man

earth.

PoUticaUy, he was

my

at his side, as

father

into

home and

had

He had

re-estabHsh his authority and restore order.

Green March

my

being challenged, he the leader

been betrayed, and was going through Later, the

us.

God's representative on

faithful,

would have

the beginning of our incarceration

he did not have the means to eUminate

isolated.

long-drawn-out

Mother and Raouf,

often with

the instinctive conclusion that

had shaken

this

disappearance

simpler. After turning the question over in

mind, and discussing

d'etat

alternative.

a difficult time.

Western Sahara had enabled him to

to give

Morocco an

international role.

played his cards well, attracting enormous media coverage

with excellent

results.

After the march, our situation changed.

We

were forgotten. What would have been the point of killing us then?

He had I

him

inflicted the

also felt

—

that

affection

persecute

my

—

worst possible sentence on

was no doubt an over-sentimental image of

^but that

he was torn between the hatred he

we had us.

us.

shared.

The more he

now

suffered, the

more he had

Us, the offspring, the descendants, and also

this

to

woman,

mother, the only person to stand up to him and defy him.

She had to be reduced to

silence.

In fact, our incarceration

was very much

Palace's ancestral tradition of punishment.

to 'disappear' and their

tioning

them would

We

in keeping with the

Opponents would be made

names would be proscribed. Anyone men-

suffer serious

the unwritten law. But they

consequences for daring to flout

were not

survived, but even so,

we

killed.

They were

lives,

difficult.

each day

we drew

to die.

made up our

closer to the grave. This

Because of our youth,

169

we were

We

living towards

the realm of shadows. Stripped of everything that had

former

left

crossed over to the other side.

were gradually moving away from the world of the

was

and the

for us

felt

detachment

vibrant with passions,

TWENTY YEARS

we had

impulses and rebellion. But

without them, in order to stop

was

The

intoxicating.

PRISON

IN

to stifle

me

darkness enabled

to venture dangerously close to

was an extreme sensation and

them, and learn to

live

sutFering. Paradoxically, this anguish

until

it,

I

with death,

to converse

seemed

to fuse with

it.

It

have never experienced anything Uke

1

it.

and dreaming helped us escape and

Night was conducive

to dreams,

see into the future.

I

dreamed

he had decreed

movement of

a

happened

actually

few years

a

King was

that the

national

1983,

later, in

that

something that

we

as

and

in Ifrane,

union:

learned from the

radio. I

dreamed about

also

marriage of Prince Moulay AbdaUah. 1984. a

could

I

still

see the

crowd of black men

We

of turtledoves.

would be

King

was

it

in the

He

this It

died

few weeks

a

later,

in

Western Sahara surrounded by

dressed in white.

watched

beneficial for us.

but while

mark the

a great celebration at the Palace, to

journey

He was

escorted by a cloud

closely,

hoping

took place some time

a political success for the

outcome

its

after

King, to us

my it

dream,

brought

nothing.

A

short time before

my

about

father.

We

we

decided to dig the tunnel,

were

room of baked

who was

and she was the only person

roof,

with him. to use

it

He

for

was

I

surprised us.

was

I

five years old.

still

Eventually,

which

a joy. I

communicate

it

we were

to us:

were seeking symbols, omens, and our

had

a

I

my I

would

recurring nightmare that had

would I'd

I

upstairs,

but

when

tried to switch

The house was

on

I

opened the

the Hghts, but

in ruins.

nocturnal respite became a torture. Solitude was no

was tell

from rheumatism.

begun

find myself dressed in rags in the

run

in the dark. In vain

everything stayed black.

longer

able to

We

garden of the Villa Yasmina. I

with an open

gave her a rope and told her to give

dreams provided them.

when

clay,

our escape.

None of this

door

in a

all

HaHma dreamed

afraid

of

it

now.

I

was exhausted by the

for four or five hours

My

without stopping.

I

Story,

suffered

muscles were wasting away through lack of

170

BIR-JDID PRISON

exercise.

often lay awake, rigid in the darkness, for the slightest

I

movement would make me howl with

of thirty-three love;

me

became

I

my

sought rehef

I

my own

my

heart.

At the age

would never experience a great family;

no man would ever

take

and whisper sweet nothings or words of burning

in his arms

passion in

dagger piercing

a

resigned.

would never have

I

I

AND SEX

LOVE Each of my birthdays was Uke

pain. In vain

ear;

I

would never know

the physical and mental

thrill

of being in love. I

was condemned to wither Hke

dreamed

was making love.

I

wrinkled

a

fruit.

At night,

I

would awaken with an acute feeHng of

I

frustration. I

quickly learned to get a grip on myself.

think about

when

I

it.

I

others.

To

suppress

tried to

I

my

Uttle troubles

remain in control of my body,

do with human

to suppress everything to

To

forced myself not to

could not burden myself with these

had so many

cold, thirst.

I

impulses and

appetite, desire, hunger,

my

desires.

anaesthetize myself.

When

told the Story,

I

pleasure, so as not

Raouf

suffered a lot

nence. Urdike his

I

dwelled on true love rather than physical

my

to frustrate

audience.

more than we

sisters,

he had had some sexual experiences before

being imprisoned. As an outlet for about

lost their

he would

his frustrations,

which was how

his visits to prostitutes,

bourgeois famiUes

did from this enforced absti-

all

tell

us

young men from

innocence. His comic accounts had us

doubled up with laughter.

The mouhazzin situation.

One

did not,

as a rule,

of them, however, did come close to raping me.

radio had been confiscated and it

had become

things I

to preserve

singled out the

money

via

Week

my

desperately

I

wanted

to replace

it.

Our But

very difficult to bribe the guards to bring us the small

we needed

Cappaccico.

take advantage of our vulnerable

our

sanity,

man who had after

week

grandfather

if

I

such

as radios

the keys to our

or pens.

cell, Staff

Sergeant

pleaded with him, promising him

we were 171

able to get in touch with him.

TWENTY YEARS

He

didn't say no. For us, that

PRISON

IN

meant

we

and

yes,

waited eagerly for

that radio.

But Cappaccico dragged

One

He was accompanied by

Cappaccico entered.

I

He

stay outside the door.

wanted

the wall.

bite

I

to negotiate with

could

another soldier

ordered the

I

him

He shoved me up

alone.

my

pressed himself against me, and began to grope

my

He

mouth.

up

Ufted

my

he smelt bad,

was crushing me, but

I

was powerless:

blouse.

I

breasts

was

his breath

I

endured

was incapable of fighting back.

shaking and it

doubtless have

his assault for a

he wanted, then

my

I

and

body

offensive, his

way

couldn't scream or defend myself in any

I

him and would

against

could hear him panting

without frightening the others. Raouf would probably have kill

whom

not to get out of

girls

he was aroused.

feel

like a rutting animal,

I

shilly-shallied.

afternoon, the door opened at an unaccustomed hour, and

he asked to bed;

and

his heels

come

tried to

off worst.

few minutes without him obtaining what

pushed him away

calmly

as

heart was thumping, but

I

as

could.

I

was determined not

1

was

to let

show.

'You asked

me

he

for a radio, didn't you?'

said.

'Yes.'

'So

why

put up

a fight?

longer any use. Even

if

You're going to die soon, your body's no

you once had

a fiance, he's

not there any

more. Everybody's abandoned you.' His tirade was like

'OK,'

I

said at length.

straight away.

have the I

a slap in the face,

I

'You

but

will get

didn't flinch.

what you want. But not

too want to see proof. Bring

me

the radio and you'll

rest.'

was prepared to do anything to get

concerned,

this resignation

that radio.

was worse than

soon forgotten. Cappaccico had got cold

Over

I

rape.

been eroded.

We

on our minds, there were no

I

was

incident was

between parent and

told each other everything that

was

taboos. After ten years in prison,

we

had become monsters, ready to do anything. mother, children, brothers or

The

far as

feet.

the years, the barriers of natural modesty

offspring had

As

sisters.

172

We

were no longer

Only our moral

a

values prevented

BIR-JDID PRISON

from acting out our

US

desires.

We

had even sunk so low that

we

said,

Our fantasies were not only sexual. we could envisage killing. 'For food,'

'we would be capable of disembowelling and slaughtering

like savages.'

We

were Uke drug

addicts, so far

gone

that

we were

permanently

scarred.

we were

Towards the end,

We

even capable of feeHngs.

like

caged

were

tired

We

beasts.

were no longer

and enraged, aggressive and

We

no longer

mother was an example. Our example. For twenty

years, she

cruel.

None of

wanted

us

to

go on wearing

a

mask.

believed in anything.

MY FAMILY

My

always held her head high, without expressing the slightest complaint.

And

more than we

yet she suffered even

were

did, if that

possible.

She could not bear being separated from her children; she cried

we were

secret because

starving, because

thing, because this prison

knew

lacking in every-

was robbing us of our youth.

dignity she inspired us with courage. She

Through her kamikaze

we were

pilot; the

in

escape was her idea. She

knew

was the

the risks involved,

that she could lose us in this attempt, but her conviction

remained unwavering.

During those

terrible

seeing each other,

Through that told

current

I

I

me more

state.

my Hfe, Our

the wall,

years

came

to perceive the tiniest changes in tone

than the lengthiest discussion about Mother's

powerless to change

less

I

was bom,

close:

my

we were

relations

ears

were

me from

alert for the tiniest

allies

of

It

even

with her had

The thought

than passionate and heartbreaking.

not be able to have children distressed her.

curse she believed had plagued

Our

a spectator

it.

had always been very

in suffering. Since the day

would

to realize the importance of the voice.

was able

She could do the same with me. She was

relationship

never been

when we communicated without

that

I

was part of the

the beginning.

sound,

we

sought the sHghtest

opportunity to catch a gUmpse of each other, either in the water of

173

TWENTY YEARS

more

the gutter or,

rarely,

Mother was awake

that

from her

now

PRISON

IN

through the open doorways.

in the

morning from

and he on their

when

patio,

We owe

his hfe, and,

of

all

of

seemed aberrant

that

to us

childhood. As

earliest

He had known

he had adapted to

us,

had been

a result,

his

'Geo Trouvetout'

He had

—

—

he had

it

most

way of

a

readily.

we

all

Things his

thinking that was

down, he used what

We

lacked.

called

him

because he always found a solution.

discovered, for example, that

fading batteries by

at night.

normal daily routine since

to invent the things

the fixer

she

nothing but prison

often sharper than ours. As he paced up and

knowledge he had

and

wasn't raining, from

it

nine o'clock in the morning until seven o'clock a lot to Abdellatif

after Abdellatif,

Then they paced up and down,

they were having breakfast.

inside the cell

tell

movements coming

the

She was bustling around looking

cell.

could

I

warming them

was possible

it

to recharge

them

in the sun, or soaking

in

boiling water. This was very valuable to us, even if their extra Hfespan

was

limited.

nothing but

we arrived at escaping. He scraped

and analyse

it.

From

the minute

Bir-Jdid, Abdellatif

the walls to

After a few experiments, he

had thought of

remove the distemper

managed

make an

to

imitation plaster from Tide and flour, and he invented a

made up of ash, ebonite (from to use this for

the batteries) and earth.

Mother and me. Unwittingly, and

I

I

in the relationship

against

my

will,

had become the mother of Raouf and the

can

still

were

later

our escape.

There was, however, an ambiguity

role.

We

cement

picture Maria

I

between

had usurped her

girls.

and Soukaina snuggling up to

me on my bed,

me about the meaning of life or much more trivial me all the secrets they would never have told Mother,

questioning

things.

They

first

all

told

because

at that

age

you don't confide

in

of

your mother, and secondly

because they were separated from her by a solid concrete wall. I

up,

looked I

was

after

I

brought them up,

their big sister, their

and support. a

them,

It

came

profound feeling

mother,

naturally to that

me.

I

keep their

spirits

father, confidante, their

guide

I

tried to

had developed

was well beyond mere

174

for

all

of them

sisterly affection.

I

BIR-JDID PRISON

loved them more than anything

more

them than

for

did for myself.

I

lessons in the cell because

of being

a ballet

Soukaina, the

AbdeUatif

I

student

way

can

I

else and, like

Mother,

remember

I

I

suffered a lot

instigating dancing

Maria was crying over her shattered dream

at

the Paris Opera, the diets

I

made up

for

made

for

nursed Mimi, the toys and drawings hear the long conversations

still

I

I

had with Raouf,

thanks to our 'system'. I

had

as best

I

a

duty not only to love them but even more to protect them

could, to help

them

—

survive without too

much damage,

until

—

if it ever dawned when we would be released. we thought of nothing else but our release. We discussed endlessly what we would do afterwards. Mimi wanted to get married

the day

For

and have

Soukaina, Maria and

a child.

chateau outside Paris. Maria secretary,

a

would

director.

They would remain

we would buy

At other times

a

way,

graduated,

we went on

We

in

would Hve

we formed

we

Together,

we would go and

practise in

them of it

will

I

would become

it

live there

wanted

all

to study

of residence.

Cameroon. In

on

to consider every profession

we held we were

earth. If

was because

when we were

this

kept apart,

supporting and encouraging each other.

we were

a force,

and

that

and nothing could take away from dispirited, there

I

shadow.

Raouf and

loved each other. Even

a unit,

my

my

and become

in the student hall

out for so long, in such abysmal conditions, together and

guests.

farm in Canada and

together with our respective partners.

medicine in Montreal.

to live together in a

learn to type

and Soukaina would cook for our

famous film

Once we

wanted

I

was something

us.

When

that

nobody

one of us became

was always someone to make them laugh or remind

the words of the

bUnd

seer

from

Assa: Zouain, zouain hezef;

be miraculous, very miraculous.

THE NIGHT OF THE LONG KNIVES Despite her courage and dignity, and even though she was accus-

tomed

to the intrigues of the Palace,

firmly beheved that

Mother was

we would be pardoned on

King's Silver Jubilee.

175

3

still

very naive. She

March 1986,

for the

TWENTY YEARS

I

was more

IN

PRISON

and subsequent events proved

sceptical,

me

right.

That morning, around ten o'clock, the guards came into our

They

They merely exchanged

didn't utter a word.

glances, their gaze

Then

focused on the gratings over the reinforced door and our patio.

they

without saying

left, still

a

word, and

coming up with

behaviour, each of us

we mused

over

We

their strange

a different theory.

At eight thirty the following morning they opened

and shoved us outside.

cells.

staggered, not

the doors

all

knowing how

walk any

to

more, and the hght hurt our eyes.

We

were wild with joy

We

many years. grown taller last

had

to

be together again for the

Mother

or older.

when

now

twenty-four. latif was

now

a

taken

women of twenty-two and just resembHng my father in build. Abdel-

man,

a

beautiftil as ever,

as

but the hardship and grief had

Achoura and HaUma had grey

colour of the ash that

filled their

faces

and

hair,

the

kitchen.

must have looked hke walking corpses

—we were gaunt and

with dark rings round our eyes and bloodless Hps,

pale,

She had

youth of seventeen.

a terrible toll.

We

girls.

they were fourteen and fifteen

they were young

Raouf was

Mother was

time in so

each one of us had

didn't recognize her Httle

seen Soukaina and Maria

years old, and

much and

changed so

all

first

a

glazed

expression in our eyes, sparse hair and legs that were barely able to carry us

.

.

.

Halima,

one day on looking

who

at

had kept

fragment of mirror, had cried

a

her reflection. She wouldn't beheve that the

ghost staring back was indeed herself.

But

want

we were

so thrilled to see each other again that

to say anything that

might

yet we were torn between the kiss,

missed

attitude,

added

this contact.

our immediate happiness.

We

how

and

cruelly

by

Borro encouraged us to approach one another, then he

that, to celebrate

were being granted

In the

And

restrained ourselves. Astonished

Throne Day, we were now allowed

together from eight thirty in the morning until eight o'clock

We

didn't

natural urge to touch each other

and the determination not to show our tormentors

we had our

spoil

we

mornings

this

to get

at night.

concession after fourteen years of prison.

we would

gather in

the bars over the roofless recess.

my

cell.

They had

The doors were

176

left

reinforced

open,

we were

BIR-JDID PRISON

able to

we were

together until evening, and then

At

locked up

separated again.

the elation of being reunited eclipsed the grimness of our

first,

Mother gazed

situation. us,

we were

go out into the courtyard. After lunch

hours. She never tired of looking at

at us for

but cried in secret to see us so emaciated, so starved. Nevertheless

we had

decided to

relish

every joyous

moment

of being together

again.

These happy times

we

tain ourselves,

lasted

from March

November. To enter-

until

we made

put on shows. After lunch,

a sort

of stage

using military blankets. Mother imitated PouUdor on his bicycle and I

was

a radio presenter. Abdellatif

and Maria dressed up

mouhazzin

as

and took the mickey out of the way they spoke.

We

We

organized circus shows.

announced the

and music, then Raouf cracked

rolls

fabric

and the elephants made

Mimi on

four

legs,

wearing

to raise her legs in the

air.

We

with drum

start

whip made from

their entrance.

The

of red and black

a pair

Raouf cracked

painfully thin.

a

scraps

were

elephants tights.

of

She was

whip on the ground and Mimi had

his

shrieked with laughter.

We

never tired

of joking, touching each other and embracing.

Around two nap.

time on

and

o'clock in the afternoon,

Having Uved his

own

even more than the

he would plug

quiet,

Raouf would go

his ears

with

rest

of

us.

baUs

little

To

get

at

the mice going berserk

the bread. In the evening,

I

as

never tired of admiring it

better.

without warning.

given. Borro escape,' It

was

He had

He

he

came

away

tiny, barely

at his post,

hole.

a bit

more

to see

the size of a coin.

the guards stormed into the

didn't have time to

examine the

hole in the

'I

move. The

knew you were

alert

was

trying to

said.

a Friday.

would be

to

he was

He

little

spotted a military truck and

tried to scrape

But the opening remained

One morning when cell

it.

heard him

on with the Story with renewed

carried

cell.

we

they tried to get hold of

energy. Abdellatif stood with his eye glued to the

wall of the toilet of our

some peace

made from crumbs

of bread which he rolled for hours. From time to time,

growl angrily

off for his

confinement for so long, he needed

in solitary

finished

According to

his authoritative calculations, the

by Sunday.

177

hole

TWENTY YEARS

At the tune

I

found

a tunnel.

believe his

The

hole was

everyone knows,

as

tiny,

and

the ideal place to

is

one moment

didn't occur to nie for

It

own

PRISON

his stupidity a rehef.

halfway up the wall, which,

make

IN

he could

that

story.

That evening, they spUt us up without any explanation. The next

morning they

Mother

told

She decided

to

go on hunger

passed the

I

news on

be locked up

before.

as

we were

immediately, until

strike

We

allowed to be together again. wall.

we would

that

heard the conversation through the

who

to Achoura,

Raouf That day first. The

told

the authorities began to build a second wall to reinforce the

constmction job lasted

The

hatching.

din drove us mad.

Mother was even more she didn't want us to

Her

alone.

easiest for

Somebody had

with

fasting.

to take

The

accustomed

to silence.

on

but she wouldn't Usten.

it,

because

this role

went

others

to die

the children chose to copy her,

all

be available to

to

But

our freedom.

result in

convince her not to do

me

what they were

foDow her example. She had decided

During an urgent family council, except me.

idea

resolute in her decision to stop eating.

might

sacrifice

tried to

I

We had no We were too

week.

a

Borro.

talk to

my body

to bed, spoke httle

It

was

couldn't cope

and

reflised

aU

nourishment except water. For an entire day Soukaina

even to drink, but

reflised

drove her out of her mind. The survival

made her drink

a httle

us copious provisions.

rotten and the it.

Although

found

I

I

fi-uit

hquid. During

The

wasn't overripe.

had decided not to

floating in

it,

I

drank

become too

After twenty days, Borro hypocritical speech to get that

would

we would end up

Uft a finger to save

When

came

me

was

firesh,

I

the meat wasn't

torture, but

I

didn't touch

when it came to the point I when the others were not earing.

a large glass

so as not to

were

and

they brought

strike

fast,

couldn't bring myself to eat

In the evening,

me

It

instinct prevailed,

hunger

this

vegetables

this nearly

of hot water with

a

mint leaf

ill.

to see

me

and launched into

to persuade the others to stop.

burying the

our Hves. But

I

first

one

turned

a

to die.

long

deaf ear.

the guards reaUzed that the food was beginning to

178

a

He told Nobody pile up,

BIR-JDID PRISON

way

they forced their

we were

and

strike,

And

We

in.

were on our

forty-fifth

nothing but skin and bone.

nothing happened.

Nobody would

Hsten to

Faced with the hopelessness of our struggle, Shattered by our failure, die.

We

we were

we

us.

gave in to despair.

despondent that

so

we wanted

to

weren't even proper prisoners because our demands barely

counted.

Our hunger

Everyone was

strike

wasn't going to get us anywhere.

terribly feeble

and unable to

bodies could no longer take the

though

day of hunger

we were

morsel of food.

tiniest

poisoning ourselves the minute

Our

eating again.

start

We

felt as

we swallowed

a tiny

mouthful.

We of

were

Hfe.

the end of our strength, at the end of hope,

at

Death was our only refuge. For the

years, w^e

yearned for

it

with

all

our

hearts.

We

the end

at

time in fourteen

first

had to put an end to

it all. I

remember

the night of 26

star-studded, peacefiil night. sky.

During the

night,

November

A

full

with her

1986.

moon

was

It

shone in

a magnificent,

a pure, cloudless

Mother

sHt

her

despair, she repeated to

me

that

Httle nail scissors.

veins.

committing

Just before

this act

of

she loved me, and that she was entrusting

my

At

care.

first

absolute right.

Around

him

to see

brothers and

did not react. If she wanted to die,

But gradually

I

started to

four o'clock in the morning,

become I

sisters to

it

was her

firantic.

called Abdellatif and

I

asked

whether Mother was dead or aUve.

'Her heart I

I

my

is

beating very feebly,' he repHed through the wall.

grabbed the handle of the reinforced door and clung to the

grating screaming: 'Help! I

My mother

shouted for

sound of my that

I

all I

is

dying,

we

are

going to

reply.

voice Uke an echo in the darkness, and

my

arguments and threatened to blow us

all

I

mother's Ufe.

I

heard the

was humiHated I

ran out of

up with the butane cyUnder

do anything.

Alarmed, they marched into Mother's

Then

die!'

was worth, but they did not

had to beg them to save

if they didn't

all

cell.

I

heard Borro

yell.

they came out again without having done anything to treat her.

179

TWENTY YEARS

explained to Abdellatif

I

Mother was

sheet.

She would be

how

to

PRISON

IN

make

a

tourniquet with

breathing, although she had lost a lot of blood.

we were

saved, but

all

going to

die.

We

were

of our minds. The despair accumulated during those fourteen years, exacerbated

we

That night,

became

a

all

out

terrible

by our physical and mental decline, turned into

we had

collective hysteria. Until then revolt.

of

strips

always managed to avoid open

suddenly went crazy, the whole situation

psychodrama brought

to

tangible. Abdellatif watched over

wailed and tore out their

hair.

As

life.

In

all

the

the despair was

cells,

Mother, while Achoura and Halima for us,

we had

completely

lost

our

bearings and aU notions of reality.

That 'night of the long knives'

we

as

called

it

was the worst night

of our entire hves.

was the Apocalypse.

It

Anything was

possible:

murdering

a sibhng, suicide,

or blowing up

the prison with our butane cylinders.

We

all

wanted

to

be the

first

and Soukaina won. She lay comfortable wrists I

with

as possible.

drove the point in felt as if

me

the same time. last

I

managed

I

Sitting opposite her,

hard

as

as

to

as it

Maria,

I

puncture

Soukaina bore the pain with an

much

drew

made

straws,

herself as

started to slash her

could, sobbing as

a vein.

1

lacerated her

The blood

ecstatic expression.

at

spurted out.

me

hurt

It

as

did her. She fainted.

Mimi and

I

looked

at her,

thinking she was dead.

time to time our eyes met, brimming with

We

I

We

were wounding myself. She winced and smiled

I

At

her bed and

piece of metal from a sardine can and a knitting needle.

a

flesh. at

to take the plunge.

down on

not flow.

tears that did

were desperate but reUeved to think that she was

From

no longer

sufiering.

Soukaina regained consciousness

was trembhng

all

over;

when

after a quarter

of an hour. She

she realized she was

alive,

still

she

turned on me.

'You don't want to

'Of course won't work

.

me, you don't want to see

want you

I

.

kill

.

look

at all

to die, Soukaina,

the blood you've

180

I

me

die

.' .

.

tried everything but

lost.'

it

BIR-JDID PRISON

We

held a brief consultation. Should

Then

not?

sleep

overtook

We

us.

we make

her a tourniquet or

sank onto our beds, half asleep and

half unconscious.

We

were exhausted.

These abortive attempts scarred us

Such

deeply.

all

a close

brush

don't

know

with death was not unUke dying.

we had

That night,

what

strength,

what

crossed over to the other side.

all

instinct,

what energy, impelled

I

us to survive.

The nightmare went on. The next morning, heard the guards' footsteps heading for Raouf 's cell. Harsh voices were shouting. I

Peeping under the reinforced door,

an end to things by

could see their feet running

I

That night, Raouf too had chosen to put

in the opposite direction.

And

slitting his veins.

succeeding: they thought he was dead.

I

he had come

told

Mother

closest to

the news, and

she too was in a bad state after her aborted suicide.

We

waited

all

day, but

nobody condescended

That evening they dumped

They were

cold.

to leave

his

him

body

to give us any news.

in the courtyard;

there,

it

was freezing

without medical attention, for

four days.

Raouf was

in a

coma.

He

did not have long to Hve, or so they

thought.

But

that

recovery.

was

still

his spirit

was without taking into account

My

his incredible faculty for

The

brother gradually came round.

body was extremely weak,

lying in the courtyard, but if his

was more or

fourth night, he

less intact.

Feigning unconsciousness, he overheard Captain Chafiq speaking to his

men.

Then Chafiq turned

to Borro.

'This situation has ruined

my

family in the eyes.

ing children

is

I

am

beyond me.

I

my

Ufe,'

he

can't carry on.

'Don't you understand?' replied Borro. are

going to

die. All

just wait as long as

Our

persecutors'

we

of them. have

'I'm

said.

ashamed

we are What do

haunted by what

to.

And

181

they want?'

clear

enough. They

they will be buried here.

Those

words had the

'It is

are

effect

our

look

to

doing. Murder-

We'U

orders.'

of an

electric

shock on

my

TWENTY YEARS

With

brother.

a

superhuman

PRISON

IN

he returned to

effort,

and closed

his cell

the door.

He

spent

his wall.

all

night prising up stone slabs and enlarging the hole in

Achoura and Halima did the same on

their side.

him and communicate with him:

able to get close to

Thus

was

I

wall

a single

separated us.

He

down on

lay

his side

and

We

on mine.

I

couldn't see each

He

other, only touch by poking our fingers through a tiny hole.

twisted 1

mine

closed

rather than gripped them.

my

eyes and Ustened to his voice, trying to picture him.

His voice had the same intonation His despair was unbearable.

found

his

On

I

my

father's.

searching his

precious radio and confiscated

outside world had been severed. 'Kika,'

as

cell,

All

it.

the guards had

our Hnks with the

Raouf blamed himself

he sobbed, 'we're going to die here,

heard them. They said they were going to

what they want.

that's

The

kill us.

first

one

to

die will be buried in the courtyard.'

For hours and hours

I

attempted to console, reassure and convince

him, casting around for the right words I

begged him not

when

I

myself was so bereft.

to give in.

'But no, Raouf, you'll see, we'll always have the upper hand.

won't

We

kill us.

We're going

to them.'

with our Hves.

My

eyes

were

dry,

felt inside.

attitude.

We

to hatch in

I

of the long knives' and Borro's words

that 'night

had changed our

begun

up

stayed there holding hands until morning.

belying the anguish

But

to stand

They

We

would no longer aUow them

would no longer be

our minds;

especially,

now

all

passive.

we had

to

The

to play

escape plan had

do was make

it

real.

THE TUNNEL Borro had received orders to

step

up

surveillance. All sharp objects

were taken away from us and the remaining window panes replaced by board. The shutter over our skyHght was removed and our knives and forks were confiscated. Even our beakers were

182

plastic oil bottles

BIR-JDID PRISON

cut in

we had

and

half,

of giggles watching them crumple up

fits

when we poured in boiHng water. From now on, on Mondays, Wednesdays and o'clock in the morning, the guards searched the hint of a tunnel or a hole.

Benaich,

who

was never

This

Fridays,

cells for

eight

at

the slightest

gem came from Colonel new ways of making our lives a

latest

at a loss for

misery.

These searches were not so

Our

ridiculous.

we were all agreed that we would escape. knives, we had reached rock bottom. From

resolve had hardened;

Since the night of the long

listening to the soldiers' footsteps

when

the guards

came on

and off duty, Raouf knew every millimetre of ground intimately, resonance, earth

from

dryness.

its

their cell

We

HaUma

asked Achoura and

and send

it

to us for analysis.

After endless discussions, and even a few

Halima's

cell,

we

We

trials

we

kept the suitcases and food it

would be

easier to

There was another argument

in favour

of

were

in

conceal our

raising

my

looked

good condition,

did hkewise.

all

Achoura and

in

cell

The stone touch them up to stores.

efforts.

bHndfold on our

a field,

No

cultivated.

its

up some

decided to excavate our tunnel in the blind

next to ours where slabs

to dig

reached our

and

we had

sound, no

ears.

Our

life,

gaolers

this spot:

arrival at Bir-Jdid, that

I

knew, from

our

every reason to beHeve that

over-

cell it

wasn't

not even the braying of a donkey ever

must have asked the farmer

to leave

it

fallow.

Mother and Raouf, choice. This

Raouf

bUnd

cell

the

two engineers of the group, endorsed our

was the best place to

analysed the colour of the earth

me how

of

to identify each stratum

reached the foundations, and then

it

I

prise

sent

soil.

up the stone

slabs.

him and explained

Clay meant that

was time to

start

I

to

had

digging hori-

zontally. I

listened to his advice carefully, for

the action.

it

irked

him not

to be part

of

He paced up and down his cell Uke a caged lion. On the we smashed the concrete and eased up

afternoon of 27 January 1987,

the stone slabs with a spoon, a knife handle, the

and an iron bar from one of our beds.

183

Hd of

a sardine tin

TWENTY YEARS

By we,

mean Mana, Soukaina and

I

condirion to help

when

came

It

away the

two hours,

made good

two weeks we

no

in

earth.

we had

despite our fear of discovery,

progress.

practised

cement mixture

Mmii was

myself.

but she encouraged us and was very efficient

us,

to clearing

After barely already

PRISON

IN

We

had removed eight stone

For

slabs.

removing them and replacing them with the

that Abdellatif

had invented,

combination of earth,

a

ash and ebonite.

As

was not good enough, we came up with

this

hold of

hidden

real

way of getting

we

cement. Using the heavy iron bar that

we

our beds,

in

a

still

kept

made by

enlarged the holes in the walls

rats

them with cement, which

and mice. The guards would come and

fill

we would

from hardening, we kept

soaking in

a

it

damage them

as

we

Hfted

them

slabs.

We

we

we

waited for the

had to be careful not

up, and then

chnging to the edges with an old vegetable the gaolers,

it

bucket of water.

wasn't easy to replace the stone

It

to

then retrieve. To stop

cries

away the cement

file

So

grater.

as

not to

alert

of the swallows: that infernal din

so hated turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

The day we order,

managed

finally

we embarked on

to put the stone slabs

—

the next phase

digging

back in the right

hole

a

down

to the

foundations of the building. After the layer of cement that

we smashed

encountered gravel and then larger stones. rock I

as

big

as a

menhir.

It

puU

it

out,'

'But where will

'Find somewhere. In

Mother and

where they kept to reach

removed

it.

first

to

day,

bars, I

we

struck a

further.

Raouf

he ordered.

put

I

the

was impossible to go any

conveyed the bad news

'Try to

On

with the iron

Do

it?'

you want

to escape or not?'

Abdellatif's cell,

their belongings.

there was a high storage area

They needed

a

wooden

stepladder

After the 'night of the long knives', the guards had

the stepladder and bricked

up the opening.

The minute their backs were turned, Mother had the presence of mind to put Abdellatif on her shoulders so that he could remove one of the bricks, in anticipation of the day when we would need that

184

BIR-JDID PRISON

room. The cement was

still

They managed never

wet.

to let

it

dry

out so they would be able to remove that brick and others

if

necessary.

We

dug

a

room and

Abdellatif

hid

It

we

We

had to enlarge the hole.

Heaving and panting, they managed

thick layers of clothing to

To avoid

got the 'menhir' out, and

room and Mother

Abdellatif climbed into the Htde stones.

and

was no simple matter passing each subse-

quent 'menhir' to them in the same way.

huge

cell

the other bricks in the htde store-

removed

there.

it

bed, between Mother's

of heaving

ours. After a great deal

Mother and

my

huge hole under

stifle

passed up the

to lay

them on

the heavy thumps.

we

attracting attention,

passed the 'menhirs' along under

cover of the noise made by the generator starting up.

Then we

passed

the tunnel.

When

she placed

them on

The

the surplus stones as

we removed them from

they arrived higgledy-piggledy in Mother's a sheet

which she fastened Hke

cell,

then

a bundle,

on her shoulders and threw them through the open-

Abdellatif stood

ing into the

them

little

room.

damp

guards checked the

patches

on

the walls, but they did

not detect the ingenious system that Abdellatif 'Geo Trouvetout'

—had

contrived,

the fixer

tween the bricks with

which consisted of

fiUing the cracks be-

mixture of Tide and flour that looked Hke

a

plaster.

He

HaHma and Achoura shoulders, the boy moved

used red-hot embers prepared by StiU sitting

faster.

on Mother's

back and forth over the waU, After a while

until there

we had made

such good

longer throw the earth into the Httle

with the stones. Also,

hoUow

if

we

stuffed

progress that

room next door

as

of damp.

we could no we had done

couldn't risk the stone slabs sounding

the guards had the bright idea of testing them. So

them with

the earth

and caUed them 'Chinese

was Hke

hole,

traces

I

a

we dug

lanterns'

production Hne;

fiHed an

empty

it

the dish

Mother

rectangular cushions of various sizes out of old trousers.

made

It

were no

to dry

out and shaped them into baUs,

and

'elephants'.

we worked

like robots.

five-Htre oil can with earth.

185

We

Down

Then

I

in the

puUed on

TWENTY YEARS

which

the rope from

They threw

load.

Myriam

was dangUng, and the

it

hauled up the cell.

buckets with water which she poured over the earth

filled

it

dough. She was helped by Achoura and

like

who

Halima, the bread experts,

hole in the wall between our

we

narrow hole

girls

the earth onto a heap in the centre of our

and then kneaded

joined

PRISON

IN

sHpped into our

the enlarged

cell via

Abdellatif squeezed through the

cells.

had made between

his

ceU and ours, and he too

in.

The

women made mud

three

passed through to Mother's

balls the size

one

cell

at a

time.

of

She

a

which we

fist,

the cushions

filled

with them and sewed them up. Abdellatif passed them back through the hole and

we

put them back in our tunnel.

the big 'menhirs',

and the Chinese

The

lanterns,

elephants replaced

as

we

them,

called

replaced the smaller stones.

When we

reached the foundations and the red earth gave

we began

clay,

He had

to

found

I

do

them

effort.

We

had become

human about

with nothing

my

skin

sores.

But

nails left,

were bleeding

vised candles for light. to

way

to

advice.

never suffering from fatigue or

understood one another from

had no

fingers

Rapuf 's

following

still

walls.

a supernatural strength,

task,

we

speak:

beyond the two

weight or the

feeling the

on our

horizontally,

calculated that the tunnel should be about five metres long

for us to surface

We

burrow

as a child in

Mother

us.

silent beasts, intent

There was no need

to

a gesture, a glance.

was covered with eczema, and

my

We

used impro-

plaited Httle wicks as she

had learned

it

didn't bother

the countryside.

We

me.

dipped the wicks in

oil

and

lit

at night.

When

emerged from

I

my

hole,

I

often

wondered whether

dreaming. Those pale faces framed by dusty bodies barely

lit

by the makeshift candles

the walls

of

cavities

Ghouls

.

full .

.

hair,

that cast a

.

.

was

the emaciated

wan

light

and the floor strewn with stones and

the living dead

I

onto earth.

.

Demolishing and digging was easy for us Beavers. The hard part was reconstruction. At four o'clock in the morning,

donkey Comehus braying, we knew we had

186

when we

to stop

heard the

and put every-

BIR-JDID PRISON

thing back in order, carefully seal up the tunnel and

between our

The it.

we opened up

things. First

few

of

we

all

numbered them

larger ones, having

put back the

to

make

sound hollow once they were back

in position.

moistened and

spread a layer of red earth on top,

smoothed with the palms of our hands, adding on top of that of cement into which

we

sank the stone

slabs.

To

a layer

we

finish off,

the cracks with plaster. This job was given to Soukaina, the

who

Httle

easier

it

in the right order, otherwise the stone slabs could

them

Then we

weren't able to close

which we wedged with

elephants and the Chinese lanterns

to replace

we

the tunnel,

But we soon got the hang of

stones and a

in the holes

cells.

time

first

fill

then smeared them with

mud

conceal

to

all

filled artist,

traces of our

enterprise.

By dawn, nobody dug

could have imagined that a tunnel was being

room.

in this Httle

guards to wash the

Sometimes

I

had two hours before the

I

cell

and get

rid

didn't have time to get dressed before they

opening Mother's door. She detained them

them our

ridiculous questions

shoes, or

We was

long

and requesting used

terrible scares. Occasionally

and then reaHzed,

in the

They

I

me that When came

so close to

I

A

was digging

could hear him out,

I

over me.

make

asking

soles for

we

dried the

last

layer of

yellowish tinge.

slabs a

Mother

to

We

waylay

didn't notice anything.

Another time, while

back up.

as possible,

tyres to

quickly repaired the damage, and sent a message to the guards.

were already

morning, that the earth underneath

damp, which gave the stone

still

as

dust.

some other nonsense.

had some

plaster

of the

arrival

of the earth and the

heavy silence

I

fell

saw

quietly,

I

heard

breathing.

my

sisters'

I

a

guard sneeze

froze and rushed

anxious faces leaning

over the room.

We

waited for the

guards to appear, but the door didn't open.

And

I

dived back into

During the

searches,

pretending to be

even in the

Httle

my

hole.

we would

stay in

our beds without budging,

The guards carried out a painstaking inspection, room where the tunnel was. They beamed their

ill.

torches into comers, they looked everywhere, under the beds,

187

on the

TWENTY YEARS

ceiling, in the cavities.

They tapped

PRISON

IN

the floor with their feet Ustening

for a different sound, the faintest echo.

Mother and Raouf were Hke

on

cats

a

hot

heard the guards' heavy tread and their banging on

We

panic was mingled with exhilaration.

double or

hands.

my

forgot

guard ever

them, stopped just

in

I

the length of the stone

we

board, which sealing

We

beheved

we opened ing.

We

up.

it

We

it

slabs.

them a

AH

the

time

We

all.

ground formed the shape of

We

made another

placed on top of the

were

we opened up

cross out

a cross,

of card-

layer of stone before

last

called the passage 'Mary's tunnel'.

we prayed on our knees when evening and when we closed it every morn-

this so fervently that

up every

knew

all

who

had spent her childhood

the prayers by heart and

to us, although with reluctance.

whose

at

our insistence

She herself had re-

real

name was Mouna-Inan, changed her name

in

to the Virgin. AbdeHatif and Soukaina followed her example.

named by King Hassan

three had been

beholden

would be

to

him

in

called

II.

stick to

I

want

to

be

now on she Of the three,

her guns. She would not answer

any other name. The other two gave up

day,

didn't

Yasmina, and Abdellatif, Abdallah.

too complicated to have

During the

They

any way. Soukaina decided that from

Maria was the only one to to

was

that first

good Muslim.

Maria,

homage

my

had rejected Islam, which had brought us nothing good, and

in a convent,

mained

hunger and

They walked round

slabs.

and

us:

opted for CathoUcism instead. Mother,

taught

my

we were

last

breathed or bent down.

front of them,

convinced the Virgin was protecting the hole, the irregularity of the

But the

were staking our hves,

suffering,

on our stone

set foot

they

the breastbone I'd cracked during

felt

which was agony when

the digging,

No

I

no longer

I

when

the walls.

and the feeling was intoxicating. At

quits,

shaking off our lethargy.

wounded

roof

tin

a

fairly quickly,

fmding

it

dual identity.

continued to

tell

the Story.

We

were addicted to

We barely ate or slept any more; we were Hving on our nerves. We communicated with Raouf thanks to the 'system', keeping him it.

up

to date with

our progress

at

every stage. But he was so furious

at

not being able to participate that he started digging from his side too.

188

BIR-JDID PRISON

evening, to our great delight, he surprised us by joining us,

One

but he didn't do like

me

again.

it

was too

It

and

risky,

besides,

He had

both bloated, enormous.

But from

his cell,

me

digging, he asked

to retrieve

had collected on our

over our bathroom

hole.

He insisted we When we had finished

a

arrival.

my

safety.

stash

of wood, the long branches

had put them in

I

a Httle storage alcove

long time before they bricked

This recess was about three metres from the a real acrobatic feat.

We

who weighed only slipping down countless

thirty kilos,

times, she

and retrieve the pieces of wood.

The

was

it

was

were cer-

managed

to reach the alcove

hardest part was closing

up the hole with AbdeUatif's preparation, but all

our

The next that there

was

wouldn't get

it.

By

I

excavating.

I

forestalled the guards' questions

a leak in the wall that

we

18 April

had tunnelled the agreed

On my

footsteps.

I

the ground,

I

several occasions

Sometimes

I

We

wouldn't

dry,

I

would suddenly because

ears

I

my

by informing them

repairing.

we

could

I

relax:

could be certain

and

five metres,

had almost turned into felt

I

stop

thought

would drop whatever

nobody came

it.

did

I

heart racing, to see

a

we

stopped

I

without complaining, despite

tirelessly,

tendency to claustrophobia. a reptile.

needed

asked them for something,

had worked

I

it

up

it

efforts.

day,

the minute

it

we

was almost impossible, but

sealed

that height

monkey.

as agile as a

At

up

We

laughter.

again.

stop

To reach

floor.

need of it.

Maria,

despite

up.

it

had to stand on each other's shoulders,

which we did one evening, shouting with tainly in

were

he was our consultant engineer.

should shore up the tunnel for added

After

We

great diflficulty in squeezing his

blown-up one-metre-eighty-five frame through the

I

he suffered

from water retention as a result of malnutrition.

my

cockroach or

was on the verge of madness.

my work I

and bang

my

head and

heard the sound of keys, or

was holding and

fling

who was coming

myself to

after

me, but

in.

Those sounds haunted me. everything was

all

right.

I

I

was constantly asking the

lived in fear of suddenly going

189

mad.

girls

if

TWENTY YEARS

We

had

make our getaway on

to

guards,

who were

Uke

sensitive to the cold

snuggest comer of

in the

away unnoticed. So we

Two

Moroccans, would be

all

their watchtowers, their faces

A

when we

night

weeks before the escape, we would

would be too

it

to

do once

digging the shaft

start

who would go, no money, but we still had

and

outside.

We

had

identity bracelet

that

my

We

had

my

mother had managed

from the guards

made

to hide

father's

all

these years.

the

name.

carefully filed off his

Abdellatif

slip

risky.

sohd gold nameplate from

revolver from cardboard, ebonite and fiour-and-

a

water paste that looked more convincing than the

who

been ably advised by Raouf, his

could

held countless family consultations to decide

what

the

sealed the tunnel and disguised the stone

to the surface. Before that

We

when

moonless winter night

a

muffled by the hoods of their jellabahs.

slabs.

We

agreed that the escape should be in December.

all

wanted

ensconced

PRISON

IN

had been

He had

real thing.

a firearms enthusiast in

youth, to the point of taking shooting lessons. This toy was to get

us out of difficult situations.

The

first

task

was

sound of long-haul

carefully to the

had concluded

to find out exactly

where we were. By

aircraft

my

overhead,

we were somewhere between

that

listening

mother

Casablanca and

Marrakesh, probably closer to Casablanca.

The second

task

range of the guards scenarios,

some

was to devise as

quickly

a

way of

as possible.

putting ourselves out of

We

had thought up several

reasonable, others crazy.

Once we reached the road, we would wait To attract the attention of the driver and

for a taxi to

decided to pass myself off

much

as

a

prostitute,

Raouf's horror. After leading the driver on, revolver, call the others

and

we would

all

come

suspicion,

allay

to

I

had

Mother and

would brandish

I

past.

the

get into the car.

'Supposing he's not alone?' someone objected.

Nothing with

a

easier

window

If the driver

scenario

less

.

.

.

we would knock

bar that

his

companion unconscious

Abdellatif had managed

turned out to be sympathetic,

violent than the

first.

190

We

to

remove.

we had

an alternative

were emigrants,

living in

BIR-JDID PRISON

Belgium. a Volvo,

Our

We

had come back to Morocco to

down and we

had broken

Our

our family.

where we intended

On the

to request

morning of our

poHtical asylum.

But

my

to waylay the guards as long as possible, to stop

mother was

car,

absolutely had to find a mechanic.

goal was the French embassy,

we needed

visit

time.

escape,

them

raising the alarm immediately.

We

thought of everything, planning the whole business

the minutest detail. dogs.

Mother had

We

had

balaclavas with openings for

made

of pepper to fend off any

a stock

sewn black escape

cut out and

down

to

stray

outfits for us

and

our eyes, mouths and noses. She had

us shoes fi-om the leather of our Vuitton suitcases, with soles

They looked

cut from rubber tyres.

and resembled moon-

bizarre

boots rather than fashionable court shoes.

We

envisaged the worst:

survive.

we were

we

recaptured,

the tiniest

That wasn't venture.

On

We

my

style.

I

would just improvise

we wanted

were addressed personalities.

The

little

last detail

to

butane to pre-

was burning to rush headlong into the

to

to various

we went

Raouf had

hand

along. saffron,

and which

written about ten

in to the

pam-

French embassy. They

well-known poHticians and leading

Each of us added

thorniest question

as

had once wrapped

painstakingly salvaged,

phlets that

want

unforeseen hiccup.

tiny sheets of paper that

we had

didn't

to cause an explosion with the

Raouf, the perfectionist, had honed every

stove.

empt

Mother planned

if

was

a

arts

few poignant hues. to be resolved.

still

Which of us would

Raouf wanted to go alone, he was so afraid for us all. But it was obvious that I would go with him. Maria had declared outright that if we didn't take her, she would kill herself. I knew my sister, and she was perfectly capable of carrying out her threat. We would escape?

also take Abdellatif

and no bearings

wanted

to

—

who had

he needed to be part of

come with

body was bloated

seen nothing of hfe,

us,

through the hole between our

breaking the

slate tiles

who

had no past

adventure.

but she was physically unable to do

like the rest

wriggle through like an

this

eel.

of

us,

cell

We

so.

Her

and she couldn't even squeeze

and

hers.

Only

Abdellatif could

couldn't enlarge

supporting the wall.

191

Mother

it

for fear

of

TWENTY YEARS

Soukaina agreed to

stay

and courage.

We

would enable

us to gain

Mimi

behind too, demonstrating her generosity

needed her to

too would

PRISON

IN

up the tunnel

seal

more precious

time.

she was simply too

stay:

That

after us.

weak

come with

to

us.

THE ESCAPE

On

Sunday 19 April 1987, the day

was

sitting

on

the floor of the

We

sunshine.

cell,

we had

after

my

closed the tunnel,

could hear the birds chirping. Nature, like

awakening from

long

a

sleep.

prospect of several months' wait.

We We

I

face turned towards the spring

was

us,

strangely well, despite the

felt

had emerged from the tomb. At

we had reason to hope. Mimi lay in bed, the other two were

last

were chatting I

'Listen, Kika,' she

given orders to build

and

be

whispered, a

'I

we

post

my

mother's

cell.

overheard them. They have been

lookout post and

The lookout

cell.

there'll

and

light-heartedly.

heard the warning signal coming from

the tunnel

me

cuddling up to

a

watchtower on the roof of

wiU be exactly

in line

with the

exit,

floodlights.'

'What wiD we do?' 'There

is

no

forty-eight hours.

And

must dig the escape I

then

goodbye

it's

shaft straight

It

wasn't possible.

But she wouldn't 'It's

We

to

away and

had any number of objections. Dig

hours?

will

'They

choice,' she decided.

expected

a

it

never get out. Tell

shaft. All

we

three-metre shaft in a few

to take a

around midday. By

you don't leave

ftiriously.

tonight,

you

girls it

hauled

back

The spoon

ripped out the earth with

my

earth. it

down

up. to

I

I

had finished the

filled

I

the oil can,

They emptied

the

me.

wasn't enough. If

teeth,

192

choice.

six o'clock,

had to do was clear away the

contents on the ground and sent

worked

week.

Raouf

pulled on the rope and the

I

You

Usten.

that or nothing,' she repeated. 'If

started digging

our escape plan.

leave tonight.'

Raouf agreed with my mother, we had no I

have finished in

will

I

could have

would have done.

I

dug,

I

BIR-JDID PRISON

scooped out the

become

earth,

my

energy I

had

And

out.

came

I

existed,

It

ivy.

.

.

had

I

.

pulled with

I

battled against those roots, straining to

I

was an impossible task, but

had into

I

no longer

I

some deeply rooted

across

For hours

strength.

them

pull

no longer thought,

machine. Digging, scooping, digging, scooping

a

At one point all

I

I

put every ounce of

and more.

it,

to succeed.

my

suddenly

of vision turned blue.

field

afternoon sky, swept by a

warm

was the

It

late

my

spring breeze that gently caressed

cheek. I

stood stock

with one eye.

I

was jubilant.

'My God, how wonderful. I

Life

is

there, so close.'

resumed digging and ripping everything out

then, weeping, afraid

of what

and looking out

for a while just clutching the ivy

still

I

I

as best

poked

my

head through.

It

could

see.

Freedom was

so close that

was too

I

And

could.

beautiful.

was

I

frightened

it

me. I

returned to the ceD announcing triumphantly that

had won.

I

'The Beavers have entered Sydney brandishing wooden

The

shaft

managed

was

finished.

to get through.

where we were going

We

tried

also

side

We

wanted

to

know whether

When

he had poked

through the opening, he had found two eyes staring into

could have wept

When,

after

.

We .

were done

for.

To

fail

an eternity, he It

finally

was only

there. Abdellatif was very

a cat

would prove

He

his eyes again,

he

watching him. Then, no

it

turned

its

back and

left

us the outfits, the balaclavas, the provisions, the

notebooks containing the Story in

She was

his.

proud of his adventure.

sandwiches, the pepper and the iron bar.

protests.

head

so near to the end, he

dared open

doubt bored with this uninteresting sight,

Mother passed

his

.

nearly burst out laughing.

him

there

of the wall.

back, his heart pounding.

closed his eyelids.

and

it

sent Abdellatif ahead as a scout to locate

to surface.

were guards on the other

He came

Soukaina and Maria

spears.'

afraid

my

I

insisted

bundle,

on taking the

despite

Mother's

they would be destroyed. Her intuition

correct.

193

TWENTY YEARS

Raouf turned up

Shortly afterwards

At nightfall

Mother did

We

waver.

conveyed

my

on

lay

I

stomach and

She was distraught, wondering

side.

us go.

to let

cell.

It

was the only time

saw her

I

our love through our clasped hands. Her

all

and blood to you,' she

flesh

are also their mother.

Promise

me

said to

me.

'I

know

them back

you'll bring

Soukaina shivered. Her teeth were chattering and her eyes

alive.'

were

shining, but she didn't shed a tear.

She had to cover

responsibility.

discovery of our escape for

Mimi

tenderly clasped

make

'I'm sure you'll

me

and sorrow

elation,

which

as possible.

to her

courage.

will

in

my

ear:

it.'

hysterical, wailing their

never forget.

was rather

It

and whispered

we were in don't know if

seeing us go. But

at

I

She carried an enormous

our tracks to delay the guards'

all

long

as

Halima and Achoura were more fear

our

slightly.

my

'I'm entrusting

you

on her

ought

really

voice was trembUng

that

in

was time to say goodbye.

it

the same

whether she

PRISON

IN

a

I

anguished

of great

a

state

it

can be called

determination to survive that gave us each

the strength often.

We

dressed in silence, picked

lowered ourselves

down

into the tunnel. Abdellatif and Maria got

through the exit without any .

.

Raouf made

.

managed

When

it

I

was

stuck.

They were

We

so thin, so light

held our breath, but he

free himself without

any damage.

my turn, managed to get my upper body through but my hips became wedged. couldn't go any further.

was

the exit hole,

difficulty.

the earth shudder.

push through and

to

up our bundles and one by one we

I

I

My

bloated

body was much too wide

for the

narrow

opening.

Raouf encouraged me, whispering couldn't.

I

was unable

to budge.

I

gently to calm

strained,

I

cried,

Then heard Soukaina behind me. 'Kika, come back,' she said. 'Too bad, don't too much noise, they'll hear you.'

perspiration.

If

I

but

I

was drenched in

I

persisted,

stay behind.

I

me down,

I

might get us

Once

again

I

all

caught. But no

summoned

labour, a second birth. Malika

all

my

go. You're

way was

strength.

was re-entering the world.

194

I

It

making going to

was

like

BIR-JDID PRISON

At

on

was expelled from the tunnel.

last I

my

the skin

out on the other side of the outer wall.

Raouf 's

thighs, but at the time

We

had come

calculations

We with

all

had been

I

I'd scraped off

didn't even notice.

right.

kept close to the wall. Ahead of us was a wire fence covered

ivy,

around four metres high. Maria stood on Raouf 's shoulders

and climbed up. He held her up and then pushed her over the She landed

We

top.

in the field.

waited

a

htde and then,

over. Abdellatif

as

the guards didn't

and then Raouf came

after.

We

stir, I

followed her

huddled together,

clutching one another, our hands trembUng, loath to tear ourselves apart.

We

seemed

to

held our breath, keeping very

go on for

But they were

And

still.

Those few minutes

ever.

crucial in estabUshing that the coast

to get our breath

was

back before the great adventure.

195

clear.

ESCAPED PRISONERS I

April-24 April

9

I

987

WANDERING

We

had been living in the shadows for so long

grown accustomed

We

to the dark.

ing one another, gazing

at

that

our eyes had

stood rooted to the spot, clutch-

the night without any sense of

On

fear.

we were thrilled, exhilarated, convinced that the divine protection we had enjoyed so far would continue to safeguard us. There was no sign of life from the guards' quarters, and we began the contrary,

to crawl across the

We us,

damp

field.

could hear the barking of stray dogs. They were racing towards

making

straight for us, aggressive, starving

and more ferocious

than watchdogs. There must have been about ten of them, bounding

through the dark behind the leader of the pack. They were getting closer

and

closer.

We

could

feel their

panting breath.

Once

again

we

huddled together for protection. Their leader came forward baring his fangs,

growled and looked poised

and held our breath, waiting for

to attack.

a miracle.

We

froze, like statues,

Which, improbable

as it

seemed, was what occurred. The dog gave an unfathomable whine

and slunk away, followed by the

But the reprieve did not

beamed

their torches

praying that

last

rest

of the pack.

long. Alerted

by the dogs, the guards

and floodlights onto the

we would

field.

We

froze again,

melt into the shadows. Certain of discovery

196

ESCAPED PRISONERS

we

this time,

stood there shivering, waiting for their shots to ring

out.

The

guards in the watchtowers exchanged a few words. At

went

hghts

We

of going

the

three minutes that

felt

off.

stood there, unable to

we

then

like hours,

last

move

set off again,

We

straight ahead.

for

two or

crawHng towards the

were trying

move

to

right instead

out of sight of the

camp.

We found ourselves in a field of beans, We needed a short rest, so we rolled over at

the

camp

facing us for the

first

closer to the barracks side.

onto our backs and looked

The

time.

full

moon

out the top of the fence, the watchtowers and the engulfed in a whitish halo of fog.

So

this

our best

lost

and our youth. In describe our prison

years,

death

this

—we

was

we had

was the place where

where we had

It

a

grim

had been

—

The

picked

rest

was

sight.

spent ten years of our

our hopes, our

camp

clearly

walls.

there are

illusions,

life,

our health

no other words

pariahs, cast out

to

by the world,

waiting for the end that was so slow in coming. Locked up inside,

we had

tried

to

forget

where we were. But now,

in that field,

we had suffered so much, And we were devastated.

contemplating the place where suddenly came I

to us.

couldn't stop myself from sobbing

even more afraid for I

home

when

them.

I

My

thought of those

We

left

softly;

they

all felt

behind.

I

I

wept

was so

the same way.

moment, then we pulled

lay there for a

field

the thought and

we had

heart contracted and a shudder ran through me.

heard the others crying

The

at

the reaUty

was planted with broad beans, which

ourselves together.

we

ate raw. Fresh,

sweet and deUcious, they tasted of freedom. CrawUng,

we

set off

when we judged that we were far enough away from the barracks, we stood up and walked on in silence. The fields were so wet that we were soaked from head to foot. In the pitch dark, with no landmarks and no signposts, we quickly reaHzed that we were going round in circles. It was as distressing as again,

being

and then,

lost at sea

or in the desert.

There was nothing

none of

us

had

a

to give us

good

any clue where the road was, and

sense of direction.

197

Mother had taught me

to

TWENTY YEARS

read the

stars,

but

must have been

I

PRISON

IN

very bad student

a

Evening

find the Great Bear, or Cassiopeia, or the

We A

continued to wander

cough sent

a

Looking up, we saw

We

didn't

began to

we

a

spines.

Star.

came from overhead.

It

we were back

watchtower:

at

the camp.

hang around, we turned on our heels and

feel desperate. Tired,

stopped and

this occasion.

couldn't

I

aimlessly.

down our

chill

as

lit

We

a

with dread in the

we had

precious cigarette that

smoked

pit

We

carefuUy saved for

our hearts heavy,

in silence,

ran.

of our stomachs,

thinking

still

about Mother and the others.

We

weren't on

safe

ground

We

yet.

know which way

didn't

Then I asked Abdellatif to guide us. 'We are adults,' I said to him. 'We may have committed

to

turn.

not you, you are so pure

You

.

.

.

there

if

a

is

God,

sins,

he'll take pity

but

on you.

will lead us to freedom.'

We

Our

followed him without a word.

our clothes soaked through, but

come and

'Kika,

see, there's

we had

bodies wer-e aching and

keep going.

to

something hard.

I

don't

know what

it

is.'

Abdellatif had never walked it.

on

asphalt.

We

rolled

on

it

We felt like cosmonauts venturing their first steps on the We went back into a field to change into our 'civilian'

put on

a

and kissed

moon. clothes.

I

long dress that Mother had worn in the Seventies, a

cashmere print in autumnal shades. The others slipped on plain trousers to

and sweaters. They were

make them look

dumped our combat

We

set off again.

'normal'.

gear in the

on

a

they were so

German

As leader of the band,

EventuaUy

tired.

my

They

me

screaming

at

my

manic speed. He put

on, saying, 'Go, Jeanne, go,' a

to a large building, a dairy cooperative.

Supported by Raouf, fit,

accelerated the pace,

behind dragging their

Alsatian governess.

we came

conferred and decided to try out our latif hid.

I

trailed

Raouf laughed

accent and urged

subtle allusion to

outmoded but were supposed

wore our Vuitton boots and we

fields.

exhorting the others to keep up. feet,

a bit

We

I

first

scenario.

launched into

invoking Allah and the Prophets.

198

We

Maria and Abdela

Moroccan-style

ESCAPED PRISONERS

This brought out

with

hood.

a

He had no

permission.

He looked

armed with

a guard,

crumpled into

I

He wore

a jellabah

his

option but to support me.

Raouf

at

a stick.

arms without waiting for

his

and asked him what was going

suspiciously

on.

'My wife had a miscarriage last week. She can't get over it.' The man was doubly suspicious. 'I didn't hear any noise. Where have you come from out of

the

blue, in the middle of the night?'

Without giving him time

to ask

any more questions,

ground

again,

pretending to writhe in pain. With

phrases,

Raouf

asked

him

of water.

for a glass

He

fell

I

to the

many poUte

explained that

had come from Belgium and hadn't been back to Morocco

we

for fifteen

years.

'Our car has broken down,' he added.

The guard was

suspicious, like

all

survive under a regime of terror.

him

questioned

some

Moroccans

He

closely, trying to catch

who

have learned to

Raouf and

did not beheve

But he did fetch

me

to sHp in the fact that

we

him

out.

water.

During the conversation, were

managed

I

related to Driss Basri, the Minister

of the

the desired effect of intimidating the guard: the Httle.

We

were.

He

tried to get

suggested

we

Jdid, the nearest town.

him

to talk,

we wanted

Interior,

which had

man calmed down a to know where we

wait for the dairy truck that was going to Bir-

At

we had

last

we

the information

so badly

needed.

We might

waited forty-five minutes for the truck, terrified that the raise

no telephone. The

the alarm, but he had

opened, the truck came out

.

.

.

man

dairy gates

and drove off without stopping to

pick us up.

We

were

frantic. It

was already four o'clock

had been going round in had

just

truck.

circles since

in the

eleven o'clock

at

we and we

morning, night

wasted another three-quarters of an hour waiting for the

The only

positive thing

was

that at last

were going. •

•

199

•

we knew where we

TWENTY YEARS

We

set off

down

have fonned

two

girls

the road again, our

to

spirits at a

dawn

strange procession in the

a

walking

with halting

like robots,

ahead. But we didn't have time

had

PRISON

IN

We

low ebb.

must

glow, two boys and

steps,

and staring

straight

we

about our appearance;

to think

keep moving.

we came

After a few kilometres, that stop in

all

The

the villages.

one of those

across

local buses

farmers thronging around the bus

were chickens and sheep milling

stop carried bulky sacks, and there

about.

We was

joined the

staring at

now

it

We

fray.

we had been

Until then

as.

awkward, convinced

felt

was daybreak and the dawn

Raouf

The

with eggs or hens, bartering wary, and refused.

truck drove past and

He

simply warned us that

at

to

encounter

on

set us

we

that

The

The

were

cafes

as

I

we were

could avoid

all

likely it

by

down.

reached Bir-Jdid without seeing

just opening,

The

it

that

was

all.

a It

and through their

waiters bustled about

tea. Life

was

there,

had done each morning

unchang-

that

me, and

it

took

was no longer accustomed

me

a

we had

to noise.

few minutes

The

those sounds grated on

200

my

ears.

Raouf and

to

shouts, the

voices, the hooting, the oriental songs, the tyres screeching

road ...

a

it.

street felt strange to

reahze why.

we

and butchers' shops, and

cafes

course

been excluded from

driver,

without any questions.

the entrance to Bir-Jdid

and customers ordered coffee or mint its

thumb. The

lift

doors radios blared out deafening music.

resuming

We

was

and extremely poor. The road was lined with

few neglected houses, half-past six.

else.

driver

gave up the

roadblock.

a

tiny

my

four of us a

path where he

The town was

my

from

foot.

stuck out

was wrong and

anything resembling

The

they could.

as

poUce roadblock but

a

a litde

Luckily, he

hard

as

I

all

ing,

us feel exposed.

He wanted cash and nothing

friendly hippie type, gave

was

made

other passengers paid for their tickets

idea of the bus and set off again

following

protected by the dark, but

offered to pay the driver with the nameplate

father's identity bracelet.

A

light

everybody

that

on the

the others

ESCAPED PRISONERS

were

The

in a similar state.

our eyes, and our heads

light hurt

throbbed.

much commotion, we stared eagerly about us back. But, even though we cut a wretched figure,

Frightened by so

and people stared

we did not look out of place who was as toothless as the

Raouf,

in these surroundings, especially

peasant farmers,

as a result

of abscesses

and beatings. At the end of the

crowd was

a

dense

that the taxis

as a

scout and

when

were headed

for Casablanca.

off again to negotiate with one of the drivers, and their

discussion lasted a

plan

me

where

a collective taxi stand

Raouf went ahead

milling around.

he came back, he told

He went

was

village

good twenty minutes.

would never work; and

didn't realize straight

so

away

when

I

I

was anxious,

I

was sure

saw him waving

his

excitedly,

I

he wanted us to join him. But

that

another miracle had happened: the driver had agreed to take us in

exchange for the gold nameplate.

Two men

were

next to the driver.

sitting in front

got in the back, and the taxi roared

thought of Mother and

My just

my

sisters

what

at

a terrible state

he was

a

many new

heavy first

silent

I

I

realized

incarcerated since

outside for the

brother

little

and pensive.

time in ages,

He had been

in.

four of us

heart.

My

fly past, a

sights,

were

He was

the age of eighteen.

watching the road so

with

gaze rested on Abdellatif For the

the age of three and a half life,

We

off.

The

first

time in his

open-mouthed,

sat

glazed look in his eyes. Bewildered by

he was Hke

a

zombie

who

had just cHmbed out

of the tomb.

He had been

in a car only

two or

three times in his

life,

and then

only to be shunted from one prison to another.

My

sister

Maria weighed barely

devoured her

tiny,

gaunt

face.

bloated from water retention.

thirty kilos.

Raouf was

He was

as

Her huge dark

eyes

thin as she was, but

pale, feverish

and

toothless.

Nearly fifteen years had gone by, fifteen years of torture that had scarred us terribly. But,

would

when

catch an expression,

I

studied the three of

mannerism or smile

the children they had once been.

201

that

them

closely,

reminded

me

I

of

TWENTY YEARS

felt

I

done

IN

responsible for their condition.

to them,

what

it

I

PRISON

cursed prison for what

had done to each one ot

it

had

as

we

us.

CASABLANCA I

my

never forget

will

shock on our

drove through the working-class

what the

was

city

arrival in Casablanca,

district.

had completely forgotten

I

The crowds walked

like.

hurriedly, jostling, filling

the pavements and rushing across the road without looking.

my a

head swim, the screech of brakes, the

women

horse-drawn barouche, two speeding

his whistle at a

car.

aroma of food coming from was the

It

at

been

my

way.

clothes and

and

stalls.

I

had seen so many people

my

seemed

me

to

senses

women

had of

that the population

Everything was bigger, newer, more

tripled.

There were more

poUceman blowing

inhaled the smell of petrol and the

I

restaurants

It

made

street vendors,

had heard so many sounds, and

ears

assailed in this

Morocco had

of the

arguing, a

time in fifteen years that

first

once, that

cries

It

modem.

in the street, dressing in European-style

make-up; they were well groomed.

This continual procession of people walking with their heads

down, not seeing where they were going, reminded me of Chaplin's

Modem more this

Times.

I

felt

curiously sorry for them. All in

to be pitied than

I

was. Perplexed,

freedom? They are just

Myriad

details that

I

as

much

I

at

vacant

poverty, exhaustion, needless

stares,

me: the apartment blocks

many words.

amazement, Raouf and Maria were fast.

we

was

I

afraid every

had gone

The to

go

was

like

this life,

is

to, this

time

it

my

previous

life

rabbit hutches, the

stress.

Abdellatif's

silent.

The

taxi

jaw dropped

driver began to complain.

He was

at

in

was driving too

suddenly braked. After

was not the moment

is

.' .

.

companions were probably not thinking along those Hues

or at least not in so

all,

I

had never been aware of in

jumped out

My

mused: 'So

prisoners as

they were

all,

the trouble

all

to die in an accident.

suspicious of us and

wanted

to the police.

'I'm not allowed to take

Raouf managed

you

into the centre of town

to sweet-talk

him

202

into

it.

After

all,

.' .

.

we had

given

ESCAPED PRISONERS

him

hundred dirhams,

for a

Raouf gave him

journey that

While the

had landed on another

planet.

Land of the Giants

in the

like a miniature

We

palaces.

I

arriving

Anfa had always been

in Gulliver's Travels.

neat rows of

its

for the

though

felt as

I

were Uke the LilHputians

Beverly Hills with

Some looked Hke

five

fifty.

was looking

driver

without recognizing anything.

stared out

1

worth

w^as barely

the address ofjamila, his teenage sweetheart, in

the residential district of Anfa. street,

two thousand

piece of solid gold, the equivalent of

a little

They had swimming

immense

villas.

pools, tennis courts,

golf courses, striped lawns and flower beds that were a riot of colour. In the garages stood dozens of gleaming cars. Armies of chauffeurs,

gardeners, butlers and maids attended to their masters' comfort.

But

fifteen years later, the

houses looked even

me, the gardens even more impressive and the

more no

And, indeed,

ostentatious.

we had The

taxi

dropped us off and

We

felt

feeHng.

I

I

villas.

A

marooned but

I

I

I

on

this painfiil

went up

one of

to

her.

He looked me up

hosepipe and threatened

poUce.

We

me

with

don't want your sort

here.'

Without waiting mortified,

to hear

humiliated.

In

wouldn't even have dared as if

I

were

a

with

a beautiful

woman's voice rephed. custom demands

any more

that

days

the

talk to

poor beggar

continued walking,

a villa

to dwell

to call the mistress of the

had an appointment with

down and then brandished his ordering me to leave. 'Get a move on or I'U call the

We

want

him

haughtily and asked

and

away

without waiting. Jamila had

left

didn't

gardener in a white apron was watering the lawn.

him

greeted

around

luxury and the sordid prison

this

told the others to wait outside while

house, claiming

it,

even

There was

true.

escaped from.

moved.

the

luxurious to

display of wealth

was probably

this

comparison between aU

possible

more

.

.

ran to join the others.

I

of the old Mahka, that

me.

And now

was

1

man

he was chasing

.

at a loss as to

what

to do.

At random

I

chose

wrought-iron gate and rang the buzzer. I

asked her for

you never

me

a glass

of water. Moroccan

refuse a beggar a glass of water.

203

A

TWENTY YEARS

A

PRISON

IN

Stunningly pretty maid in a pink apron and

on her neat

jauntily

came out of

hair

cap perched

a litde

the house.

stared at her,

I

My

envious of her appearance, before starting to talk to her.

mented expression must have frightened her because she

Then

I

my

launched into

warm

to

me

recoiled.

story: Belgium, fifteen years away, the

make

miscarriage, and asked her if I could to

de-

a

telephone

She began

call.

but replied that she would have to ask her employer's

permission.

She closed the door.

signalled to the others to stay

I

hidden behind

the bougainvillaea hedge.

A

few minutes

the

later

handsome man of about

fifty

wearing a towelling bathrobe.

was

was well groomed;

My my

at

my

I

with salt-and-pepper

tall,

He was

hair.

He

electric shaver.

man was on

this

a

had probably disturbed him while he

was holding an

dressing, for he

winced

door opened again, reveaHng

smelt nice and

a different planet

He

from me.

poverty-stricken appearance.

eloquence saved the

situation.

I

immediately spoke to him in

most elegant French, with judiciously chosen

My

phrases.

me

guage no doubt reassured him and he began to address

lan-

as 'chere

madame\

'My maid

tells

me

haemorrhaging? I'm I

stammered

a

you've had

that

a doctor,

I

a miscarriage.

He

vague explanation, repeated

and invited

said yes

His house seemed Uke luxurious about

it.

But

me

a palace to

it

exuded

my

asked

Belgium

him

the windows.

The telephone was on

if

I

patter,

and

could use the

in.

me, and yet there was nothing

order, cleanliness

its

I

I

white waUs, red hexagonal floor

comfort with

phone

hope you're not

can take you to hospital.'

then, before he had a chance to think,

telephone.

I

and middle-class

tiles,

and plants in

a pretty little table

next to the

directories.

hadn't forgotten

thumping

as

I

how

to use the

phone, but

picked up the receiver.

I

felt

as

my

heart started

though

I

were

in

Hibematus, that film with Louis de Funes, where the hero comes back to

life

after

being asleep for

away. Like Hibematus,

My

grandfather's

I

many

years and mustn't give himself

couldn't help making blunders.

phone was continually engaged. Dr

204

Arfi

—

for

ESCAPED PRISONERS

that

how

was

—pointed

owner of the house introduced himself

the

out that you had

to dial six

numbers whereas

kept dialling

I

five, as

in the old days.

'Oh

yes,'

I

said casually,

nearly having given the

when we

even

phone

He

game

heart

away,

them from

call

pounding 'I

as if

know. But

Brussels.

would

it

burst at

always Hke

it's

this,

They're always on the

.' .

.

offered

accompanied

me a by my

seemed unfazed,

went

my

so

At that point

coffee.

husband, I

my

sister

I

my

and

him

told

that

was

I

He

brother-in-law.

come

signalled to the others to

in while he

to get dressed.

The maid

arrived,

carrying a tray covered with delicious food:

We

exquisite-smelling coffee, cakes, bread and jams.

We

another in silence. otherwise in

were so hungry

we would

few minutes

a

we

looked

at

one

couldn't touch a thing,

have devoured the

lot

—

the

food, the carpet, the furniture and even the dog. Abdellatif was fascinated

was hind

by the animal,

its

a pet

dog

before.

cocker spaniel that Hcked him and stood on

a playful Uttle

legs in

he had never seen

for

excitement.

My

It its

brother was torn between dehght and

fear.

We

sat in

the lounge, holding ourselves bolt upright, careful not to

white carpet with our

dirty the

mud and wet from the He wore a suit, a clean

pitiful

shoes that were covered in

dew. After an eternity, the doctor joined

and

shirt

a tie,

which

for us

us.

was the epitome

of elegance.

He began coffee.

B

told

I

— — J

to

s

converse in an urbane manner while offering us

him

and the

was on famihar 'Incredible,'

that

B

we had

—

s,

friends in Casablanca,

two bourgeois

I

famiHes. His face Ht up.

he

said, 'they are friends

drive us over to the

They belonged

B

we had

—— J

of mine

too.'

mutual acquaintances, he offered to

s.

to a family

of Casablanca bankers.

One

Kamil, had been considered the handsomest boy of His younger brother, Laarbi, had been one of

my

He

territory.

Reassured to discover

During

mentioned the

last

hohday

in Kabila, just before the

205

of the sons,

his generation.

my coup

close friends. d'etat,

I

had

TWENTY YEARS

organized

a

every day and

When

I

I

walked

1

me, then

Each time,

My

I

Eventually

was

It

was

without teUing him

who

nized the voice.

a

took

sHm

me

but

overjoyed to

to the kitchen.

my

was an

Laarbi's.

come

'hello' in a

I

was taken aback by

twenty-five-year-old, and

We

recog-

I

downstairs

did so, grumbHng.

few moments to recognize him.

a

a

grandfather's.

and then

internal line

asked him to

I

He

was.

I

saw

I

kept trying.

I

it

portly, greying forty-year-old.

to

who was

number,

dialled a

I

he walked into the room, it

told the

those fifteen

as if

picked up the phone and answered

terrified,

realized that

I

was

it

I

without ringing the

head swam.

walked through the house

I

a stranger

gruff voice.

ance and

straight

stroked the dog

I

telephone. Without thinking,

as

used to see them

I

recognized everything, the furniture, the

I

The house seemed empty.

When

m

pushed open the door. Suddenly

just

paintings and the familiar smells.

him

our house.

at

the doctor dropped us off outside the house,

years had melted away.

see

PRISON

was very fond of them.

children to hide again and bell.

him

birthday party for

IN

now

I

He

known

had

me

before

greeted each other.

his appear-

stood

didn't

a

seem

know who was. said. 'I am Malika,' I

I

'Mahka who?' 'Hadji's daughter.'

Hadji

is

an honorary

age to Mecca, like I

my

title

my

was unable to utter

.

Not without 'Oufkir,

the pilgrim-

surname.

with

me

for

I

was

many

afraid

of stating

my

years.

.'

don't see

He was

made

has

father.

identity, a fear that stayed 'I

someone who

for

.

effort,

Mahka

I

finally

managed

to

stammer

my

name:

Oufkir.'

rooted to the spot.

'What do you want?' he asked

me

in a tone that

was both brusque

and haughty. I

told

him

that

we had been

Maria and Abdellatif

know where

I

stood.

I

was with Raouf,

released

and

that

was shaking with

fear,

and worst of all

During

all

I

those years in gaol,

206

we had

I

didn't

thought

ESCAPED PRISONERS

of ourselves

were I

innocent

as

parties,

convinced

we were

in the right.

victims, not culprits, as Laarbi's reception implied.

have imagined that our

own

We

Never could

am-

friends could display such total

nesia.

me my

Laarbi had just given I

my pride

swallowed

were waiting

for

I

in the face.

and forced myself to think of the others

me, and of everything

need money,'

'I

first slap

'And

said dryly.

I

that lay

would

who

ahead of us.

you

like

to drive us to

the station.' I

had learned of the existence of this new railway

driver. In

my

line

from the

taxi

day there was no train from Casablanca to Rabat.

Without saying

a

word, he

the kitchen and

left

came back

seconds later holding out three hundred dirhams

pounds. That seemed plenty, a royal the dirham of 1987

sum

even.

I

—about

a

few

twenty

was unaware

that

no longer had the same purchasing power

as

before.

Laarbi gave

me

a Httle

who

brother

his elder

moraHzing lecture forbidding

death of their uncle. Kamil,

He had

us as Laarbi did.

And and

But

loyal.

I

fear,

without

motioned

to

go near

I

was

certain,

would never have

always been kind,

humane and

treated

sensitive.

didn't have time to check this out. Laarbi took the

of the garage.

car out

me

had been suffering from depression since the

He

a trace

us to get in.

eyed the others with

mixture of contempt

a

of pity for their wretched condition, then he

He dropped

us like bundles of dirty washing

outside the station.

This encounter had shaken unpleasantness. first

the

With my dirhams

purchase was for Abdellatif

He had well

me

We

I

in

my

didn't

want

pocket,

bought him

I

to

brood over

felt rich,

and

my

I'Equipe, a sports paper.

discovered football thanks to the radio, and he could recite

names of as

I

but

all

the players in the French and

Moroccan teams

as

the results of all the matches.

stocked up on cigarettes, thinking of Soukaina. She loved

smoking

so

much

that in Bir-Jdid she

would dry

gathered by Halima in the courtyard, and then

the grass and leaves roll

salvaged from the bread boxes or in saf&on wrappers.

207

them

in

paper

TWENTY YEARS

Buying

tickets

was more of

IN

PRISON

We

a challenge for us.

were

The

the crowds, and especially of the unifomied inspectors. portrait

afraid

of the King hanging on one of the walls induced

giant

a fresh

panic attack that sent us mshing outside, panting and trembhng,

Big Brother himself were

Of course

We

we

couldn't help

staring at us.

compartment, ordered coffee and Ut our the

time in hours,

first

came

check our

in to

We

settled

down

in the

cigarettes, experiencing, for

of freedom. But

a sense

tickets,

it.

conscious of our bizarre appearance

train,

were

that people

as if

after us.

stupid, but

boarded the

finally

and aware

was

it

of

we began

when

to shake

the inspector

from head

to foot

again.

Next

to us, a

French couple was berating the corruption of the

regime, the excesses of Throne Day, the expense involved and the fact that tourists

had been turned away from La Mamounia, the famous

luxury hotel in Marrakesh, even though they had reservations, because the

government had requisitioned the rooms

conversation reassured us that

we were

for the occasion.

not the only ones to

The

criticize

the authorities.

From time

We

had

to time the

French pair glanced over

desperate urge to talk to them, to

a

They seemed

how

and open, but

friendly

tell

at us, intrigued.

them about our did

we know

fate.

they

wouldn't inform on us despite their fine words?

We We

had become too suspicious. swallowed our appeals for help.

Abdellatif was in a state of shock that intensified with each discovery.

He

had never seen

newspaper

a

in his hfe.

gaping, at the photos of the players with their footballs.

footbaU he had ever seen was the one

we had made

new

He stared, The only

for

him

in

prison.

His amazement grew

began eyed

to

at

go

faster

and

when

faster.

the landscape.

His

Raouf

our dismay, AbdeUatif was an

by the avalanche

During our

of new

five days

the train pulled out of the station and

mouth

fell

tried to relax

open and he gazed wild-

him but

to

no

enfant sauva^e, a wild child,

avail.

To

bewildered

experiences and sensations.

on the run, he continued

208

to feel that he

was

ESCAPED PRISONERS

on

riding

a

moving

Ahlan, which

train. Later, in Tangier, in

we made

the bar of the Hotel

our headquarters, he asked

if

the train was

ever going to stop.

RABAT With

we walked been raised? Would we

feeling of dread in the pit of our stomachs,

a

through Rabat central

Had the alarm Or outside? But no, nothing seemed

station.

be arrested on the platform?

of the ordinary, there wasn't

made our way towards

much

to

be

in a hurry.

nobody was waiting

to

my

got into the

brother.

little

meet up

first

guarding the entrance.

A

faltered for a

I

and

taxi

was nine o'clock

It

the French embassy.

at

much

too busy. The crowd jostled They knew where they were

out

hesitantly

us,

too big,

people

going. But

for us.

Raouf and Maria with

We

in sight.

the taxi rank. This station was

new and much

too

seemed

poHceman

a

took another one

I

in the

morning.

We

were

Moroccan policeman was

moment

then

I

went up

to

him. 'I

want

to

go

in,'

'The embassy It

took

a

is

I

said.

few minutes

in

plans,

we had

overlooked

would have happened

if

Raouf came over and but he looked

realize there

questions,

for

it

to

were obvious.

as if it

dawn on me.

was Monday 20

It

other words, Easter Monday. Despite our carefully laid

April,

tion,

he rephed,

closed,'

at

this

we had

important

escaped one day

us suspiciously.

was something odd about if

Who

knows what

later?

engage the poHceman in conversa-

tried to

and even asked us

detail.

It

didn't take

us.

we were on

him long

He bombarded

to

us with

the run. His eyes swept

over us with contempt, from the top of our balding heads to our

muddy

shoes.

Without giving him time into the taxis.

asked It

him

to

The

to question us further,

driver also glanced at

climbed back

suspiciously

when

I

drop us outside the American embassy.

was our only back-up plan

political

me

we

asylum

at

in the event that

the French embassy was refused.

209

our request for

TWENTY YEARS

'Why do you look

PRISON

IN

someone

as if there's

after you?'

he asked me.

'Where are you from? There's something odd about you. You look hke

European, but no, there's definitely something strange about

a

you

.' .

.

We and

decided to

I

He

didn't answer.

We

held our tongues.

me

stopped

at

my

try

asked

more

taken for

it

me

the entrance and asked

could be mistaken for

that

made

me

to pick

it

French embassy that

We

I

my

brother's toys.

looked so

of being

afraid

into a

But the man

comer of his sentry box and

out.

had not occurred to us

it

Nor

failure.

we had been

that

still

feasible.

was beyond

that

It

the

at

we would have to we have the moral

that

did

In our agitated, bedraggled condition, executing a finely

honed plan heart was

that

was

I

bundle.

had been so confident of success

improvise in the event of strength.

it

up on the way

was despondent.

I

one.

a real

contained

it

snatched the bag from me, flung told

down my

to put

a terrorist.

stammered

I

Moroccan policeman

luck alone. Another

contained the revolver that Abdellatif had authentic

we

questions as he drove, but

pulled up in front of the American embassy,

preparing for weeks and learned by

Coping with

the unforeseen required an effort

us.

was disoriented.

ramp

to the embassy offices.

On

were two uniformed GIs

in a glass-walled office,

watch-

Trembhng, right, there

I

walked

down

a

the

ing the comings and goings on their surveillance monitors. Facing

them, on the

left,

Moroccan

a

in a suit

and

tie

stood guard in front of

the chain barring the entrance to the offices. I

requested immigration forms from the Moroccan and asked

how

to

do was

On

fill

them

in.

thrust aside the chain

came over

badge and the orderly should do. Should

wanted

political

I

to the

went about

Moroccan

raised the chain.

rush after him,

asylum? But

was

racing. All

would be on American

I

their attention, imploring them with

A man

I

and

the other side, the officials

attract

my mind

As he repUed,

their business.

my

210

territory. I

tried to

He showed him

dithered again

jump over

if

had to

eyes, but in vain.

orderly. I

I

him

as to

his

what

I

the chain and yell that

they accepted me, what would

ESCAPED PRISONERS

become of

Would

other three?

the

De-

they be turned away?

nounced? Arrested? I

would have stepped over

He would

have represented deliver-

Moroccan had been American,

If the

the chain without any qualms.

ance, America, the Rights of Man.

When

finally

I

But could

trust a fellow

I

Moroc-

my way?

can? Supposing he barred

decided to

act,

it

was too

late.

The GIs

in their glass

had become suspicious. They spoke to each other in English,

office

pointing

at

me, then barked into

PA

their

system, teUing the

One

can that there was something odd about me.

Moroc-

of them came out

and walked towards me. I

panicked.

my

away,

my

gathered up the forms, retrieved

I

pounding

heart

the Httle group in the

would

as if it

taxis. It

was

burst.

a disaster.

bundle and ran

rejoined the rest of

I

Our

only hope

now was

the British embassy or the Spanish embassy. But they were closed too.

We

were

utterly at a loss.

There was someone a fellow

grandfather's,

school with

Agdal

and

me

the Palace.

down and

We and

asked the

—

his

wife Lalla

Mina

In the old days, the Agdal

little villas.

But

all

the houses had been

replaced by apartment blocks.

didn't recognize anything.

we were

taxis to take us to the

his family

daughters, Latifa and Malika.

consisted entirely of charming

pulled

We

where he Hved with

district,

his

at

who could help us, a friend of my Berber. One of his daughters had been at else

The

increasingly disoriented.

house was next to the post

drove round in

taxis

Then

office. Luckily,

I

it

remembered

circles,

that their

was the only one

that

had not been demoHshed.

The wished

concierge asked

me who

to speak to Lalla

he should announce.

Mina, that

I

I

told

him

I

was MaUka, Hadji Fatima's

daughter.

He came

back and told

'She doesn't

with an

know anybody

here straight away I

me

she'll call

air

of distrust:

of that name.

If

you don't

the poHce.'

pleaded with him.

'Tell

He

her I'm MaHka, Oufkir's daughter.'

stopped in

his tracks, surprised,

211

almost frightened.

get out of

TWENTY YEARS

'Don't

he

insist,'

PRISON

IN

no

said at length, 'there's

She doesn't want

point.

to know.'

But he gently shut the door between the living room and the

me

and threw

a curious look.

asked

I

him where

hall,

Latifa Uved.

'She lives in Agadir.'

Malika, her

known

when my

the days to

lived

sister,

on the other

come

father

was

stiD

of the

side

when

her well; she had been a teacher

street.

head of national

used

security, she

house and give private lessons to the children.

to the

had

I

she was younger. In

Now

she was married to an entrepreneur and had children of her own.

Without much hope,

I

decided to

the building and waited for her.

A

draw up.

a car

single

Uke

file,

on ten

kilos

closer

mother hen with her

We

half-past twelve,

why

the right

.

her.

She stared

more

at

children in

me, and her expression

flustered she

me?' she screamed. .

.

we watched

Malika must have put

chicks.

froze.

The

became.

In the end, she grimaced, stepped back and began to

'But

stood outside

with each pregnancy.

got to her the

I

Around

luck.

plump woman got out followed by four

a

approached

I

my

try

'Why do

this to

cry.

me? You don't have

Children, go inside quickly,' she went on, on the verge

of hysteria.

She continued to distance

herself,

shooing

me away

as if

I

were

a

leper.

We

went back

main post

to

office.

the

We

city

centre

send our

to

letters

from the

had written about twenty, to poUticians and

personahties from the entertainment world, including Alain Delon,

Simone

Signoret, the former President of the

Simone

Veil,

European ParUament

Robert Badinter the former lawyer

now

the French Constitutional Council, and Jose Artur. to

make some phone

but

we

couldn't

calls.

We

work out how

We

President of also

wanted

shut ourselves in a telephone booth to operate the phone.

Each time somebody approached, we rushed out of the booth

we were good

we were afraid, we had a forget that we were fugitives.

going to be pursued. Although

laugh,

which allowed

But we didn't manage

us briefly to

to dial a single

212

as if

number.

ESCAPED PRISONERS

The hours were

ticking by.

The only people we could one of them was Reda, used to

had to find shelter somewhere.

turn to were our childhood friends, and

of Raouf 's. In the old days he

a close friend

nearby, in the Allee des Princesses.

live

we had

house,

We

Abdellatif that

go

to

past

our

would show

I

own it

old house.

him one

to

To reach Reda's

had always promised

1

day.

He had no

recollec-

tion of it, but he loved to listen to us wistfully talking about It I

was

now

or never.

arranged to meet up with the others outside Reda's house, and

Abdellatif and I

it.

I

turned off towards ours.

dreaded what

by the new

room

find,

Would

tenants.

there,

still

might

I

what changes might have been made

they have kept

Was my

the same?

it

between the swimming pool and the sauna? And

what about the garden? Would

it

still

be

of the flowers

full

I

so

loved?

When we

arrived at the gate,

address. Instead

thought

I

of the majestic red ochre

green lawn, there was nothing but the house had been looted.

a

come

I'd

villa

to the

surrounded by a lush

wasteland. After our departure,

Our former hangers-on had

themselves to the flimiture, the paintings, the carpets,

photo albums,

jewellery, the

Then Hassan It

no longer

act, I

II

trinkets, clothes,

he had obHterated

we no

been

When

my

thoughts, the symbol of a normal, happy

peace

I

clearly.

the Palace,

I

this brutal

at

important to the centre of

home, the haven of

all

those years in prison,

At night, before faUing

I

my

its

father

had clung to

asleep, It

I

was

it.

want

could visualize

my

umbilical cord,

all

my last

and the long-lost days of happiness.

disappearance,

didn't

I

would wander through

I

had

lost

my

anchor.

I

to upset AbdeDatif, so

213

1

violated,

felt sullied,

crushed. Alone in the world, once again. Nothing

more.

.

to the ground.

terribly

had always been

it

the rooms, drinking in every detail.

Hnk with

With

mother's

.

craved.

During it

at

helped

us.

reeled under the blow. That house had

Hved

.

longer existed. Through

me.

I

my

mementoes

had ordered the house to be razed

existed, just as

wrong

made

pretended that

sense any I

was

lost

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

and couldn't remember where the house was.

my

He meekly swaUowed

lie.

We

got back into the taxi and

set off for

A

Reda's house.

gardener

was standing outside the door. 'Reda?' he said

hve here any more

doesn't

an

as if talking to .

.

'Reda got married.

idiot.

His

.

But

parents?

He

they're

in

.'

France

.

.

When

me

pressed, he grudgingly told

Zawha apartment

We

building.

that

Reda now

lived in the

clambered back into the

taxi,

more

downhearted than ever. At the entrance to the building, the concierge stopped us. like I

most concierges

I

felt as

Morocco.

in

rang the

though

were passing

I

tracks

bell.

she wouldn't

and asked him where Reda's apartment

there with great caution, as

my

be stopped in

A

by

wanted

dangerous

he was having lunch. let

.

.

.

me

and might

I

just

left,

and

asked her for

a

use the phone.

my

but she refused

war

any moment.

programme had

to call Jose Artur at France Inter. His

help us

crossing a

frontier,

comforted us so often during our captivity that

would

if

maid opened the door. Reda had

me where

tell

a

a bullet at

of water, and begged her to

glass

and probably an informer,

my way

picked

I

zone.

I

suspicious, nosy

affected a casual tone

was.

I

He was

I

request and

was certain he

showed me

the

door.

I

was about

to start pleading

helicopter in the sky. stairs.

also

when

I

heard the familiar drone of

took Abdellatif's hand and rushed

I

Maria and Raouf,

who were

waiting for

me

at

down

a

the

the entrance,

began to run.

The sitting

craft

was

inside,

running

until

low

flying so

cradling their

we found

a

that

we

could clearly see the soldiers

machine guns. The four of us kept

hiding place behind

huddled together, quaking.

We

lived in this apartment building

had no idea and

some

that

that this

cypress trees.

our

We

grandfather also

was the

first

place the

police had searched.

Then Raouf had

a

brainwave, another one, but

weren't going to argue. Next to the

214

Zawha

at this stage

residence was the

we

villa

of

ESCAPED PRISONERS

some other childhood

We

can French family.

and

we were

fond of their parents, especiaUy their mother,

house

set

A maid

trees

who was

fussing over her offspring.

After a few minutes' walk,

among

Moroc-

a

had always been on good terms with them

mother hen, always

a real

and Phihppe Barere,

friends, Patrick

we came

across their enchanting Httle

and lawns.

opened the door.

'We would hke

Raouf Oufkir

to see

Mme

Barere. Please

tell

We

were prepared

for anything: to be

MaHka and

her

are here.'

She shut the door again.

driven away Hke thieves, insulted, despised and denounced. exhausted, hungry,

numb and

We

were

desperate. Incapable of taking another

step.

Then we heard running

and the door flew

footsteps in the hall

open. Michele Barere stood before

us,

weeping.

She was crying so hard she was incapable of speech. She flung open her arms and embraced

'My

my

children,

She showed us

darHng children,

in.

We

felt safe

us,

how

for the

murmuring:

wonderful.'

first

time since our escape.

She was having coffee with her husband, and invited the four of us

Luc Barere owned

to follow her.

a timber plant.

old days he had been well thought of

embraced had been 'But

He seemed

us.

the Palace.

very surprised to see

us.

I

told

that in the

He

how? There was nothing about

him

that

and

we

it

on

the radio or

on the

.' .

.

'You know,

that's

how

things are.

weren't any explanations either reply

was

plausible.

When we

disappeared, there

.' .

.

So many people

who had

disappeared had

simply 'reappeared' one day, without any rhyme or reason.

my

rose

released.

television

My

at

knew

I

stride:

my

going to be

a

I

got into

mother and the others would be out soon, there was second convoy.

We

had been given

a Httle

money

for

the journey. I

didn't feel comfortable telHng these

lies.

I

could sense he was

sceptical. It

was

a

huge

effort for

me

to pretend

215

we had been

released, that

TWENTY YEARS

was nomial, and keep back

everv'thing

my

bubbling inside

hving room

head.

can police force was after

paying for

make them I

we

crime

a

and Myriam were

things

were

that

to scream, there, in that neat

we were

us;

the

all

knick-knacks arranged lovingly on

little

and

wanted, that the entire Moroc-

we had been

that for fifteen years

had not committed; that Mother, Soukaina

locked up, perhaps,

still

reveal

wanted

I

of pretty

full

every polished surface, that

to

PRISON

IN

our whereabouts

was churning with

.

.

as

I

spoke, being tortured

.

fear, anxiety, rebellion, guilt

had gone on without us

.

.

and anger. Life

our reappearance was disrupting the

.

smooth workings of the world and frightening even those who once loved

For

us.

we

years

fifteen

mentioning our name, or spoke

But

couldn't say anything.

I

and utter platitudes

to cover

Luc Barere announced

it I

avoided

in a whisper, for fear of reprisals.

had to be content to smile, pretend

up the drama of our

that

—people

situation.

he had to go off to work, which was

a

We

wouldn't have to keep up the pretence. His wife beHeved

story.

She bustled around in the kitchen, preparing food and

reHef

our

had been ghosts

drinks, repeating:

'My poor

We

dariings,

spent

a

I'm so happy

few hours

remained on the

.' .

.

relaxing,

eating and

news of our old

friends.

we

but

Nevertheless, the respite was welcome.

alert.

chele Barere gave us

drinking,

She told us

Mi-

how

our house had been demohshed, and which of the hangers-on had participated in the scramble to loot

She

told

also

Mamma

me

Khadija,

it.

Tamattaght.

new

My

my

tears.

my

courageous grandmother letters

who

eariier,

had acted

and parcels

of as

to the police

grandfather had remarried shortly afterwards. His

wife was very young.

She

also told us that

one of her

France, was

on holiday

schoolfriend.

He would

that

fought back

about the death, some ten years

messenger on her moped, delivering at

I

in

sons, Philippe,

Morocco with

who now

his wife, Janine,

be so thrilled to see us again.

one of us would give the game away, and

We

I

was

I

was

lived in

an old terrified

petrified

when

had never seen colour pictures

she switched

on the

other than

the cinema. Cartoons appeared on the giant screen, and

at

television.

216

ESCAPED PRISONERS

Abdellatif

the

many new

a Httle

was anxious

I

He was mesmerized and

set.

He had become

gags.

silliest

TV

glued to the

sat

us completely.

boy of three

he was having to cope with too

that

experiences, too quickly.

And

While we

chatting

sat

we were adamant

caught.

It

had been easy to make

prison, but

it

He

tried to reason

them

by,

1

became

imagine death,

ourselves if

we were

that decision in the isolation

word of our

of our

back in the world.

He

wouldn't leave us

and asked us the

Httle story,

times, dissatisfied with our repHes. His wife

that these children

think of

I

suffered in

with him, and kept teUing him to leave us in peace.

'You can see

When

hundred

a

tried to

I

kill

late that afternoon.

didn't believe a

same questions

failed.

now we were

was much harder

Luc Barere came home alone.

we had

our resolve to

in

we had

as Uttle as possible.

and the hours ticked

idly,

increasingly convinced that for

want Michele

didn't

1

Barere to have any inkling of the conditions prison so had decided to disclose

ignored

again, laughing at

all

those people

have been through

who

hell,

Luc

.

what happened

didn't care

.

.

to

.' .

We

.

tried to

change the subject, asking for news of different people,

but he kept returning to the attack.

was something to

release

grandfather dissuade

who

celebrate.

He fmally He offered

declared that our to telephone

How

deserved to share the good news.

him without making too much of

a

fiiss

were

our

we

and deepening

to his

suspicions?

'He's elderly,'

dreadful state.

He's

I

We'd

the family

all

This was

a

doubt by

now

his house.

We

said,

would be

a

shock for him to see us in

this

rather get our strength back before caUing him.

we

long

'it

have

left.

way from

that the police

would be

We

don't want to

kill

the truth, of course.

were tapping

his

him.'

We

were

in

no

phone and watching

arrested immediately.

Michele Barere came to our rescue. 'Give

them

a

chance to recuperate,' she said to him. 'They'll go

and see him tomorrow. We'll warn him us.

'I'll

phone him

first,'

she added, to reassure

myself.'

We were about to sit down to eat when the front door opened. We heard a man sobbing in the hall. PhiUppe Barere had heard that 217

TWENTY YEARS

we were

back and had come to see us with

embraced us

He

PRISON

IN

wife and son.

his

He

tearfully.

kept saying the same thing over and over again.

'It's

not true, what

why

nightmare,

a

Then he calmed down, looked was the best thing

entire

and

at us,

do

that to you?'

said that seeing us again

have given him.

that Hfe could

That dinner was one of the

did they

most painful meals of

strangest,

Philippe alternated between laughing or gazing

life.

we were

normality', but

We

and sobbing.

a blissflil smile,

semblance of

tried to maintain a

terribly bewildered,

and

in

my

us with

at

any case

we were

utterly exhausted.

showed me

After dinner, Michele Barere politely

to sleep alone.

She immediately

words

had

good

a

minute he turned

night.

I

pills

found

couldn't.

from

I

my

bathroom.

to use the

legs that

Without

I

tugged

it

was stuck

realizing

it,

I

them down

get I

them

lip to

and

my

come.

My

I

Then

tried to

the

his first bath.

my

remove

off violently and with

toilet.

came

it

dress,

I I

the skin

to the fabric with congealed blood.

The

my

attempt to

pain was already excruciating, but

shoes were stuck to

my

feet

and

I

couldn't

oflf.

closed

my

to

I

had scraped myself badly in

squeeze out of the tunnel.

worse was

When

wanted

I

and thanked him and, the

it

last

I

to ensure that

pills,

My paranoia was increasing by the hour. We took in turns to wash. Abdellatif experienced was the

that

could sleep where

sleeping

hurriedly flushed

I

upstairs.

there was a telephone.

me some

took the

I

his back,

said that

room where

in a

Luc Barere came out and gave all

our rooms

decHned the one she offered me, on the pretext

pleased, in other

we

to

my

eyes,

counted to three and pulled hard.

stop myself

feet

Alarmed,

from screaming.

I

had pulled off

were bleeding. The blood ran onto the I

I

had to

my

bite

toenails,

fitted carpet.

looked around for something to clean the carpet with,

and then the door opened and saw the blood on the

I

dived into the bath. Michele Barere

floor.

'What's happened to you?' 'It's

nothing,

I

caught

my

nail in the door.'

She began to panic. The situation was getting out of hand. She

218

ESCAPED PRISONERS

went

and

out,

had

lent

that

I

me up

sat

washed and did

I

a tunic to sleep in,

night so

all

my

my

but

feet were bleeding so badly

not to get blood

as

up the mess. She

best to clean

over the tunic or the

all

sheets. I

spent the night writing.

Le Nouvel in the

Observateur,

morning,

On

A letter to Jean

poems and SOS

Daniel, editor-in-chief of

messages.

Around four o'clock

gently picked up the telephone.

I

me

the other end of the line, Luc's voice asked

if

needed

I

anything.

'No,

heard the phone ringing.'

I

'You were dreaming

Around

.

six thirty that

clothes on, then I

.' .

I

went

Tuesday morning,

to join the others.

I

got up and put

They were

asked them to get dressed quickly and

went down

I

my

already awake. into the

kitchen.

Michele Barere was

was

humming

and the room was

laid

filled

Everything seemed so normal.

she prepared breakfast.

as

The

table

with the aroma of toast and coffee.

And we were

so utterly excluded

from

that normality. I

kissed her.

my

back

She asked

tears,

me

affectionately if I

had

disarmed by her trusting kindness.

slept well.

Then

I

I

fought

commented

on Luc's absence. 'Impossible to stop off to I

tell

.

.

.

you know what

went up

to

Raouf the disastrous news. Then Philippe arrived with us. Raouf drew him to one side and asked him a

lift.

'No problem. Where do you want

I

told

Hke ... he drove

tell

he could give us

'We'll

he's

your grandfather.'

to have breakfast if

him

tell

you when we

to go?'

get there.'

Michele Barere that Raouf and

I

were going

for a drive

with

Philippe.

The

previous day

we had

noticed the Swedish embassy

distance

from the Bareres' house.

political

asylum, but

We

we no

It

seemed our

longer had

gave Philippe directions, then

we

219

much

told

him

last

a short

chance to seek

faith in this solution.

to park.

TWENTY YEARS

He

gazed

IN

spoke volumes.

banged

his

We

finally

And

calm him down. comforting

explained our situation to him.

nightmare stop?'

we continued

yet

him

to talk to

hour we're

still

inside,

it

will

once. If

at

we come

out again,

all

we

ask of

you

is

the station.'

at

agreed,

crying.

still

He would

have agreed to anything.

had to queue to enter the embassy, and our turn was slow in

coming. After ten minutes, Raouf became impatient. of paper, and wrote

He

took

Sweden

for poUtical asylum.'

slipped the sheet of paper under the glass door behind

huge blond

woman

was

sitting.

at us

'GET OUT.' Terrified, we human rights .

.

which

seemed even more

a

it

and

colossal.

She

She grabbed the paper, read

rose to her feet. Standing up, she

looked daggers

a sheet

in large letters:

'General Oufkir's children ask

We

steadily, as if

plan has worked. In that case, please bring Abdellatif and

Maria over here

We

grief.

was impossible to

Raouf, 'we're going into the embassy to ask for

pohtical asylum. If in a quarter of an

He

It

He

a child.

said

'Listen,'

this

our

like

faces,

head against the steering wheel and howled wdth

'Why, oh why, won't

to drop us

Our

us wordlessly for a long time.

at

silence,

mean our

PRISON

and slowly mouthed the words:

fled as fast as

we

could. Sweden, the country of

.

Philippe was waiting for us in the

car.

We

had to go back

to his

house to pick up Abdellatif and Maria. His mother opened the door.

She didn't understand

why

he was sobbing. She probably didn't want

to understand.

Then Luc Barere came his face puffy

and

his eyes

my

grandfather's house,

that

we had been

in,

followed by

brimming with

my young tears.

uncle Wahid,

Barere had been to

where he had found Wahid and

released.

My uncle

had collapsed

told

him

in his arms.

'They have escaped.'

He had been informed of pohce had come looking

this

for

news by the

him

the

secret services.

day before and

all

The night

they had beaten the soles of his feet to force him to reveal our

whereabouts.

220

ESCAPED PRISONERS

They had dumped him back at home half an hour arrived. Wahid had not seen us since our departure

before Barere

He

for Assa.

hadn't received any news since Tamattaght, except, from time to time, the

announcement of the death of one or the other of us.

Thus he had been informed

He made me

then me.

dead, then Raouf,

swear that Mother and the others were

He was howHng,

alive.

Myriam was

that

still

and kissing us each in

crying, gesticulating

turn.

was overwhelmed

I

but

steeled myself to

I

give in to emotion.

I

seeing

at

him

again.

remain impassive.

were

at

stake.

wasn't the

It

a brother,

moment

wasn't in a state to cope with his grief

Above aU

I

was

I

to

wanted

him understand that our

toughen him up, shake him and make

to

lives

loved him hke

I

terrified

that

he had been

followed.

aU very well crying now, but for fifteen years you

'It's

doned

us,'

one thing press,

1

said coldly.

for

you

'If you want

to do: teU

'Why do

this

'I

abanis

only

And

find us

some money.'

to shout.

me?

to

I

trusted you.

house! I'm not going to be able to

be thrown out

all

yourself, there

our whole story to the international

because they won't catch us ahve.

Luc Barere began

I'U

redeem

to

welcomed you

I

work

in this country

my

into

any more!

.' .

.

didn't intend to He to

you or use you,'

I

replied.

'We

are alone

know where to go, and if we didn't teU you the truth it was to protect you. You can tell the authorities that you didn't know and that we deceived you all.'

in the world,

we

didn't

His wife tried to cakn

him down.

Philippe for his part grew angry,

berating his father for never having tried to do anything for us.

'We

are aU guilty,

Wahid

we

all

didn't have any

share this shame,' he repeated.

money on him. He

and Luc gave us three thousand dirhams. Story to PhiUppe, making it

back to

me one

day.

him swear

gave the manuscript of my

to bury

He promised

frightened that he rushed to destroy

I

asked Barere for a loan

it

to

it

do

somewhere and so.

aU the minute

give

But he was

we were

so

out of

sight.

Michele Barere gave us clean

clothes.

221

I

inherited a sort of lavender-

TWENTY YEARS

IN

PRISON

coloured tunic and high-heeled sandals with uppers made of netting. I

looked odd to say the

least.

But the younger ones and Raouf were

properly attired.

We

took

and asked to be dropped off

taxi

a

Leaving from Rabat

wanted

to

go

at

Agdal

was too

station, in the city centre,

station.

risky.

We

to Tangier.

TANGIER

Why

Tangier? First because

seemed

city

mark

to

deprived of sleep,

days.

The

come

the

owner of a

me

to

go and the

down on

crashing

We

were

one of my former

that

hotel in Tangier.

In any case, Casablanca and

us over the last

more concrete reason was

other slightly

Bareres had told

knew where

longer

depressed, and crushed by the shocks and

tired,

disappointments that had

two

we no

the ultimate stage of our adventure.

that the

suitors, Salah Balafrej,

Maybe he would be

was

able to help us?

Rabat had become too dangerous

we needed a goal. So why not Tangier? While we were waiting for the train, we sheltered

for

us and

We

hiding under the cars to avoid detection.

hours to

kill.

hid with

us.

most

and then came back and

off to

imagining the wildest runaway scenarios,

started

humour

against despair.

buy

tickets

last.

kept us going;

We

was the best

it

—

the only

tried to alleviate the tension

with the

childish jokes.

We

imagined escaping from Morocco by swimming the

Gibraltar. 'Listen,

with

a half

We

sense of

remedy

had two and

Raouf went

each one crazier than the

Our

in a car park,

But Maria was

afraid

Straits

of

of sharks.

Negus, no sharks would want your bones,' retorted Raouf

a smile, alluding to

Abdellatif,

who

her skinniness.

took everything

hterally,

grew anxious because he

couldn't swim.

Raouf decided

of Captain Cousteau. to protect us

we would buy

that in Tangier

We

from the

would rub

cold.

We

seal

would

222

blubber

diving all

suits

worthy

over our bodies

also obtain shark repellent

ESCAPED PRISONERS

lozenges to reassure Maria, and distress

flares to signal

our where-

abouts to passing ships.

These

notions kept our

silly

No

up.

spirits

of Gibraltar was just another crazy

Straits

with the tunnel

we had dug with our

and

surreal escape,

riot,

dreaming up

seemed

it

lots

feasible.

doubt swimming the comparison

idea, but in

bare hands, and our fantastic

We

our imaginations run

let

crazy scenarios inspired by the world of

more

cartoons.

We

needed

place to stay

a

contacted Balafrej. Going to to

—and we

we go knocking on

Tangier until

arrival in

was

a hotel

produce our identity cards

money. Should

on our

risky

—we would be asked

didn't

doors?

people and, given our reception in Rabat,

we

want

We

to deplete

didn't

we were

our

know many of getting

afraid

our fmgers burnt again. Besides, the police had

been looking

two days and

for us for

they were probably already in Tangier. Descriptions of us had been

We

and our friends were under surveillance.

circulated,

had to be

careful.

We

new

decided to make some

would

set out to

people

we were

enough

charm them.

looking

swallow our

to

for: a

lies.

friends

We

on the

drew up

working-class

That way

Raouf and

train.

a profile

of the

sort

man and woman,

I

of

naive

we would have somewhere

to

sleep.

We found

went from one compartment a

man and

a

woman who

The woman was sitting to opposite her. He was around modest appearance, but

I

the

and miraculously

to another,

just about fitted that description.

left

of the

thirty years old,

window and

the

with

air

a

kindly

man and

a

didn't waste time staring at him.

way of Raouf sat

Chatting him up was not intended to be a game, but a ensuring our survival. facing the

woman,

her clothes.

a

I

sat

down

opposite him, while

plump Moroccan aged about

fifty,

spilling

She was dressed from head to foot in

a

out of

dehghtful

combination of pinks, and her face was heavily painted. I

looked

at

Raouf and whispered,

giggHng:

'Poor darling, look what's in store for you.' I

was cold and

tired,

and shivering in

223

my

flimsy tunic.

The man

TWENTY YEARS

offered

me

sweater.

his

we

accent. This time,

had even chosen it

thanked him

I

in

French with an

weren't from Belgium but from

a tiom de guerre: Albertini. It

turned out the

going to see

PRISON

IN

was just

man came from Belgium. He was

a

and

Italy,

as

Italian

we

well because

cook and was

his family in Tangier.

The plump woman joined in our conversation. They asked us where we had come from, and came out with my ItaHan saga. From the south, I added, when she pointed out that I was oUve-skinned I

hke the Moroccans. I

changed places

sleepiness

and

let

guessed that

to

sit

next to the cook. After

my head fall on my brother was

eye.

I

man

to ensure a roof over

a

his shoulder.

moment, I

furious to see

our heads.

I

felt

feigned

I

avoided Raouf's

me

flirting

pretty bad about

with it

a

too.

But did we have any choice?

The latif

railway followed the coast with

watched the scenery hurtle

past

its

white sand beaches. Abdel-

with that wild look in

his eyes

He had never seen the sea, or at least he didn't remember it. The woman asked him, somewhat surprised, whether it was the first again.

time he had seen

We

it.

changed the

about our supposed cious.

wanting to give too many

subject, not life

in Italy.

As for the cook, he was

The woman was

in seventh heaven.

a little

details

too suspi-

He was convinced

he would soon have me, and he was already drooling.

The four-hour journey was churning with

a

ordeal.

real

Our stomachs were

But concentrating on playing the Albertinis

fear.

helped us to relax and allowed us to forget everything

else for a

while.

The

train finally

drew

into Tangier.

before going into action.

need

for words.

I

We

alight

was

On

at

the others

understood one another without the

side.

the platform, the police

from the

in a state

each looked

entwined myself with the cook; Raouf glued

himself to the plump woman's together.

We

train,

Maria and Abdellatif

fell

were watching the passengers

although without particular

zeal.

The country

of alert, with the police looking for us in pubUc

but the government was in

a

quandary.

224

back

They had

places,

to be careful that

ESCAPED PRISONERS

we

public opinion, outraged at the fate

had suffered

didn't turn against the country's rulers.

We

were

for fifteen years,

to find that out

later.

Passengers descended from the train, jostling one another, and soon

formed

a

we

dense throng into which

Once again, we manThe reason was simple.

dived.

aged to leave the station without hindrance.

The

police

lovesick

were looking

for four

on the arm of

podgy

his

runaways skulking in comers, not

cuddling her fiance, nor a

girl affectionately

and not even

girlfriend,

a

skinny youth

tall

sweet young

a

couple walking arm in arm.

Most

know what we looked Hke. They we were later told by the director of the 1972, we had all had plenty of time to grow

importantly, they didn't

had no recent photo of us, secret services. Since

and change enormously.

The cook anxious.

He

why

didn't understand

thought

it

suddenly turned pale and

must be because of the pohce.

way

'Yes, that's the

I

things are here,' he said. 'I'm sorry. In

my

country there are cops everywhere.'

The

On

fat

woman, who worked

as a secretary in

Rabat, said goodbye.

me her address. clung to the cook's asked me irritably why didn't get rid of the others. can't ditch my family. They wouldn't understand parting, she gave

I

arm.

He

I

.'

'I

I

.

tried to find out

where he Hved but he

didn't answer.

something unreal about our walk through Tangier

on

dusk.

at

with

The

and open

our

sea breeze caressed

a salty tang,

and the

close to enjoying

it

again.

We

faces,

our

there, within

We

But

at that point, that

walked

shoulders. stuttered.

past

two

They stopped

We

its

filled

we were

so

neighbour, Spain, so close

who

side.

A

at

hotbed of

town

carried out frequent identity

was something

soldiers

us

were

nostrils

too for drugs and contraband, the

was swarming with auxihary forces checks.

went

our grasp;

hand. But Tangier the city of fun had another a centre

the lights

were intoxicated by the beat of the

Tangier nighthfe that echoed that of

fundamentalism, and

as

There was

gave us a sense of vast spaces

ships' sirens

Freedom was

firontiers.

.

we

didn't

know.

with their guns resting on their

and asked for our papers. Caught

were saved by the cook,

225

who

short,

protested in Arabic:

I

TWENTY YEARS

'What? You want out of your

way

come

tourists to

Why

Rome.

in

The two men continued cowed them. They

Morocco and then you go

to

them oftour country! They have just

to put

from Rabat, they Hve

PRISON

IN

these identity checks?'

to scrutinize us but the cook's anger

us through, reluctantly,

let

arrived

I

thought. Another

miracle.

We

pretended not to have understood the exchange.

'Morocco

We the

play-acting,

it

We

were very

politely. In Italy, things

my

was

hand and But

fine.

we

play for time,

nibble.

is

turn-

state.'

exclaimed

cook took

To

Europe,' explained the cook. 'This country

isn't

ing into a police

different.

we had been

began to panic. While

I

was much

reality

stopped

we were

had forgotten that

less

amusing.

buy something

to

hungry. Abdellatif stared

at

grocer's to

at a

Then

on

the shelves in awe, unfamiliar with most of the fruits

display.

I

prodded him and asked him what he wanted. He chose oranges

He was

because he had tasted some in prison. else.

But then he

them behind

left

afraid to try

anything

in the shop.

The cook was becoming impatient. He drew me aside and told me he was going to meet some friends to arrange a room. That way I would be

able to

He wanted me

go with him.

to

where

the address of a place

name of

a cafe

we

and

able to put off the evil

In the 1970s

friend I

my

telephoned her this

is

I

see

.

I

refused and asked

could meet him

goodbye.

her

.

home from

—

No, no,

didn't immediately grasp

friends.

the

I

had been

of my

Guessous, the

father's

uniform.

need money and

I

a safe

?'

giving such evasive answers.

our

me

the grocer's shop.

my

husband

have to go back to Casablanca tomorrow I

me

gave

that

Mamma

jointly with

Malika. I'm in Tangier.

.

to give

shares in a hotel in Tangier,

involved in the business

at

He

later.

was relieved

I

him

moment.

hiding place. Could you 'Ah, yes,

family.

mother had bought

who had been

'Mamma,

said

I

which she owned

the Solazur,

my

accommodate

I

why

back

yet.

I

can't,

I

.' .

.

she sounded so tense and was

thought

Disappointed once more,

226

isn't

I

it

was yet another betrayal by

let it

drop.

ESCAPED PRISONERS

when

In fact she had been surrounded by poHce

when we saw

each other again, she told

me

that

hung

up.

They were convinced

about to grab the handset just that

I

called. Later,

I

as

I

one of them was

was on the other end of the phone.

we went

All the same,

needed the address of the Hotel Ahlan, which belonged Salah Balafrej. Before leaving for Tangier,

We

which was nearby.

to the Solazur,

to

my

friend

had asked Wahid to

I

let

him know we were coming.

We

We

had nowhere to go.

the cook

we had

felt

to

which was

the address he had given us,

at

seediest districts

of Tangier.

We

took the

keep our word and meet in

one of the lower

steps that led to the

part of the city.

The

cafe

was

stoop to get

in.

with such

in a cellar I

a

had never seen such

low

a collection

junkies with glassy

characters. Scarred sailors,

There were no women, and the cook was nowhere waited for him for around ten minutes then

ran up the

was no place

stairs

and took

The only option continue on foot.

left

We

a

was

even in the

for us,

deep breath of fresh Balafrej.

We

—

all

elderly Httle fiindamentaUst.

Raouf sat

we

to

the

tables.

be seen.

We

pulled ourselves

we were

state

in.

We

air.

were much too exhausted

hailed a taxi; the driver in front

to

of sinister-looking

stares, dealers

underworld was clustered around Formica

lowlife of Tangier's

together. This

Raouf had

ceiling that

was

a rather

to

grumpy,

and the three of us in

the back.

The Hotel Ahlan was about taxi

thirty kilometres outside the city.

drove through the outskirts and made

After a while,

we found

ourselves caught

Hke

something strange about stopping countryside.

It

boded

ill.

As

roadblock. They'd laid on the auxiliary forces, the

ing for

The

we

its

way along

a quiet road.

in a traffic

jam. There was

that in the

middle of the

inched forward,

full

The

we saw

huge

a

works: the army, the poUce, the

gendarmes and the

secret services

were

all

look-

us.

driver began complaining about the delay.

turn round, but

we had no need

to speak to

227

Raouf didn't

communicate our

dare

terror.

TWENTY YEARS

Maria, Abdellatif and

dug

nails

shone

He

onto

it

switched

together and

We

The

became

silence

oppressive.

our turn came, the car slowly inched forward and pulled up

The pohceman approached,

the roadblock.

at

PRISON

squeezed one another's hands so hard that our

I

into our flesh.

When

IN

were

pounding

us.

attempted

I

it ofl"

beamed

loudly

as

thought

I

was more

talk to a colleague.

our

their torches in

petrified.

as

a smile that

and went to

flashing a torch.

mine, and

I

faces

once

He

like a grimace.

They came back again.

could hear the others' hearts

I

wondered how

it

was possible for

the policemen not to hear the deafening sound. 'If

they stay another minute, I'm going to die of a heart attack,'

thought, almost fainting with

They were looking connection with us

.

.

young

fugitives.

They

make any

didn't

.

work

same way. According

in the

to their

we had no business thirty kilometres outside the city. If we we would be more likely to make for the port, the

thinking,

in Tangier,

beaches,

the

switched

off^

It

fear.

for four

In fact our minds didn't

were

I

points

exit

their torches

was only

after a

to

get

The poUce

out of the country.

and waved us on.

few kilometres

that

we were

able to breathe

again.

THE HOTEL AHLAN At the Hotel Ahlan up

—which means 'welcome'

to the reception desk

and asked

in a

in Arabic

—

I

marched

peremptory voice to speak to

Mr Balafrej. 'Tell

him

Mme

The male looking Rabat.

I

Albertini's here,'

receptionist

woman

I

added.

seemed taken aback

that such a strange-

should ask for the manager. But he had gone back to

frowned and

raised

my voice.

'What? That's outrageous, where

is

my

suite?

It's

reserved in the

name of Albertini.' I

was playing

passports.

I

for time.

demanded

that

I

wanted

to avoid being asked for

he telephone Balafrej to

228

tell

him

our that

ESCAPED PRISONERS

Mme

Albertini

few minutes

'Mr But

was waiting for him. The receptionist came back

later.

Balafrej asked us to I

a

knew

fmd you

room.'

a

The man asked

the routine.

our passports and

for

I

feigned anger. 'But I'm a friend of the owner's, this

No

There was nothing doing. Noisily

I

my

turned on

.'

insulting

is

.

no hotel rooms.

passports,

by the

heel, followed

.

others.

We

installed

ourselves in a cosy Httle bar near the reception desk, and after a

we were

coffees

receptionist kept walking past

smiling. Eventually he came over to us and asked

us,

to

The

in better spirits.

few

me

if

wanted

I

have dinner. 'Don't worry about

The

us.

staff stared at us,

We're leaving the

hotel.'

intrigued by our shabby appearance

contrasted with our grand

airs.

which

Some of them hngered around

the

bar.

was nearly 11 p.m.

It

We

had decided to hide near the swimming

pool and then to spend the night in the hotel nightclub. loungers were arranged in a circle

on

of them. The canvas was wet and

my

soaked through. Shivering with cold,

the lawn.

I

sank

flimsy tunic

we

trees to wait until the nightclub opened,

A

few sun

down on one

was immediately

huddled together under the at

midnight.

we had cherished a rose-coloured dream of our return to the world. I, who as a teenager had Hved only for dancing, would be able to indulge in my had longed for the time when For

fifteen years

I

nocturnal passion again. But either everything around us had changed

we were no longer hke everybody else. In the club, the music was much too loud and the psychedehc Hghts made our heads spin. This barrage of noise was too much for our poor, hurting brains; it was or

worse than the

cruellest torture.

We

fled.

This incident underUned the fact that ing

else.

But,

as

Yet again

outsiders,

always, Raouf's sense of

managed at

we were

to

make

we were

and

this

and noth-

reaUzation was painful.

humour came

us laugh with his sarcastic

fugitives

to our rescue.

comments on

He

the guests

the club.

Then we went back

to the bar

and waited

229

until

it

closed, at 4 a.m.

TWENTY YEARS

Earlier, inside the hotel

had spotted the

I

spent the rest of the night:

and Maria

in the Ladies'.

PRISON

IN

I

Raouf and

toilets.

where we

That's

Abdellatif slept in the Men's

hid behind a cupboard in the corridor and

kept watch until daybreak.

we tidied ourselves up and then walked back into we had slept the night elsewhere. We had to drag

In the morning,

the lobby,

as if

ourselves along.

The

noise deafened us, the light hurt our eyes and

we were suffering from a whole catalogue of aches and pains. And yet we had to see our escape through, even though we knew the

outcome was

when

others,

Hstened

to,

in fact

we

We

had to keep up our

tourists

act in front

desperately longed to be looked

comforted, pitied and loved.

unjust too, but

The

uncertain.

we had no

It

was

of

to be

after,

terribly hard, terribly

choice.

came and went, pouring out of coaches parked

hotel forecourt and hailing each other in every language.

tanned, cheerful, smiling, and sometimes

in the

They were

they had indigestion

irate;

problems or the excursion they wanted to go on wasn't included in the package. Life was going

simple and

on

all

around

us,

bustling, joyful, so

humdrum, but we were excluded from

it.

All the time

we

were being pushed back down towards the dead, when we so desperately

We

left

wanted

to stay

talked for a long time.

we

wanted,

terrified,

we

far.

them

We

down on some

sat

was Wednesday 22

and entirely

we

still

the

at

How

again?

steps

and

mercy of

events.

But

We

were

free.

We

In this respect our escape had succeeded.

When

were they

Some

little

April, nearly three days

hadn't been caught.

missed Mother and the others.

laughing and crying. missing?

trees.

It

had broken out, and

had duped them so

But

the living.

the hotel lobby and found ourselves in the garden, sur-

rounded by magnificent

since

among

We

talked about them,

we were When would we see

had the guards discovered

treating the others?

questions were

left

hanging in the

air,

and some

answers too, so worried were we.

Our problems were not over. Where were we to go? Who should we contact? We decided to call Radio France Internationale. Unfortunately we didn't have the number, and to telephone, we would

230

ESCAPED PRISONERS

need

go via the hotel switchboard. At the reception, they were

to

beginning to be suspicious of us. only solution was to find some

Our

morning we

rather ladyUke. She

after

her

all

was with her son,

fellow of around

a dull

later,

allies

to help us. EarHer that

had noticed a sweet-looking elderly French

We

the time.

who

fifty

just

seemed

decided to try to win her

to ask the operator for RFI's

we had made up

maths teacher

a

phone number

For

discovered

run around

to

and get her

trust

for us.

we would

another big He that

we

woman,

this

reel oflf

purpose,

when

the

opportunity arose.

The

old lady wasn't enough.

We

needed other

invite us to dinner or let us sleep in their

riding instructor

who

appeared to be

rooms.

from

far

friends,

We

who

might

chose the hotel's

indifferent to Maria's

who had been making eyes at me, and a young shorts, hippie types who were smiUng and friendly.

charms, a receptionist

Spanish couple in

Maria went off and

He

quite daring of her.

she was

Meanwhile

come that

I

to his

made

room

friends

at

for

as

twenty-five years old legally, but deep

my

to

discreet

as

I

She was

a

at

nice

asked

agreed, telling

me

to

myself

do when the time came.

rendezvous,

I

went

possible.

I

off in search of the old

followed her, trying to

In front of the

complain about the Spanish and their nocturnal esced with a smile

who

with the receptionist,

where her room was.

lady to find out

remain

which was

on the Hps and she was

kiss

around three o'clock.

would know what

While waiting

instructor,

only ten.

still I

with the riding

gave her a light

She may have been

thrilled.

down

ftirted

everything she

woman,

lift,

she began to

habits,

and

I

acqui-

said.

pleased to meet

someone who could

understand her.

We 'See

exchanged

you

Back

a

few

platitudes,

and parted company with

a

cheery

later.'

in the lobby,

I

bumped

into

my

receptionist.

He seemed

harassed and irritated. 'Forget our rendezvous, are

all

in a panic.

I

haven't got time,' he

They want

to

said.

'The guests

go home. The poHce are on red

alert.'

231

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

'But why?'

'They're looking for four criminals, four dangerous escaped convicts.'

He I

me

left

went back

standing there and

to his tourists.

were

told the others the news, and they

as

anxious

as

was.

I

we were in peril of being shot at in question: we would not grant them that

Criminals, us? Dangerous, us? So

cold blood?

need

rather

power

to look for

selves if I

was out of the

we would

pleasure,

began

It

ourselves

kill

sockets so that

Madness overtook

be.

first.

we

Abdellatif feverishly

could electrocute our-

us again, and despair. Maria

and

were sobbing.

We

were ensconced

in with

expressions, at the

Then

in the bar.

came over and asked

why we were crying. We leaped He we had prepared for her.

sister,

a journalist at

France

Inter,

going into hospital in Villejuif outside

and

we had no

in Paris.

Then

you'll

parents didn't

know

radio station. 1?

They'D give you

be able to get in touch with

sister.'

We of

Our

how to get hold of her at the why don't you call Radio Medi

number of RFI

your

had breast cancer and was

Paris.

idea

'But, children,

the

came

us

opportunity and told her the

Our

the elderly French lady

her son. She greeted us and then, seeing our miserable

us.

couldn't

We

her that the switchboard operators were suspicious

tell

on

carried

crying,

watching her out of the comer of our

eye.

'We

can't

do

ourselves,'

it

'We

hiccuped.

I

can't talk

without

crying.'

We

must have been convincing. Moved by our

to get the

number

She went off and then returned with held out to us smiling. She had called the

number of RFI.

We

thanked

arranging to meet the boys a I

let

she offered

a scrap

Medi

her,

1

of paper which she

and they had given her

then Maria and

I

slipped

off,

little later.

Maria deal with the telephone operator and told her to ask for

Alain de Chalvron. I

tears,

for us.

waited for

my

He was one of the RFI sister in

presenters

the lobby. She

232

we knew

best.

came back immediately

ESCAPED PRISONERS

looking triumphant. Using diplomacy, she had over.

We

are the children

was

there.

of General Oufkir,' said Maria. 'We have

We

escaped after fifteen years in gaol.

and

moment we

the

at

first

him

Then he asked

us for

proof

him where he could

tell

He

want

to

kept repeating:

.' .

.

urged us not to panic and asked us

We

number and our assumed name,

telephone

We

need help.

He just

us back.

call

out of our prison,

to be our lawyer.'

terrible

it's

a tunnel

We

the journalist didn't believe us.

'But that's too outrageous,

to

dug

are in Tangier.

speak to Robert Badinter and ask

At

the operator

waited until RFI's number was answered.

Luckily, Alain de Chalvron

'We

won

gave him the hotel's

We

hung up

later

he called

Do you know

that in a

Albertini.

and waited, trembUng with excitement. Ten minutes back. 'It's

an incredible scoop, do you reaHze?

few hours Fran9ois Mitterrand

due to

is

arrive in

Morocco on an

official visit?'

Alain de Chalvron had called the French Foreign Office, passed on the information

to the President in his

who

had

Concorde. The

former leading lawyer Robert Badinter couldn't represent us because

he was

now

president of the Constitutional Council.

The joumaUst

He

offered to call

advised us to appeal to Maitre Kiejman for help.

him I

He hung up and

for us. left

promised to

fell

I

rand, the Foreign Office,

meant absolutely nothing Chalvron had again.

the King.

and that father's

Then

called back,

Over

The it

to

inform

my

sobbing into Raouf's arms and told him about our

conversation. Abdellatif stared

him

us back.

Maria standing guard and ran to the car park

brothers.

to

call

gist

at

me, trying to understand. Mitter-

Concorde and Badinter were names to

him.

this

rejoined Maria.

Alain de

and she was waiting for us before speaking

the telephone,

of

We

that

we

dictated to

message was that

him our

we were

was unjust to punish us purely because

appeal to

only children

we

bore our

name. the joumaHst told us that an

233

envoy from the Foreign Office

TWENTY YEARS

would come and

PRISON

IN

see us that very evening.

We

arranged to meet

him

in the car park.

We

waited tor

Was

voice heard, and mistrust. I

between the joy of having made our

nightfall, torn

wasn't sure of anything any more. But

envoy,

this

who

first

he didn't disclose

His coldness surprised

We

.

was

still

impatient to meet

his identity.

Wasn't he supposed to be our saviour?

us.

We'd been expecting warm words, .

1

for us?

turned out to be Herve Kerrien, RFI's correspon-

dent in Tangier. At

compassion

good thing

Mitterrand's trip a

congratulations,

a

degree of

but no, he kept his distance, which disconcerted

.

us.

crossed the car park to avoid prying eyes.

He looked

right

then he took out

and

left

pen

a

to

check that nobody was following

and asked us, as dryly as before, if

us,

we were

indeed the children of General Oufkir.

'Anybody could claim

that,'

my

began to enumerate

I

he added. 'Give father's poHtical

me

proof.'

achievements, but he

interrupted me.

'No,

told

I

detail,

his

tell

me

him

about

that

known

his private life.'

known him

hadn't

I

my

only to those close to

upper right arm from

This seemed to

shrapnel

a

well, but father.

He had

lots

Before leaving, he informed us that the next day visit

who

him one

did give

a httle scar

of other questions.

we would

receive a

from our lawyer, Maitre Dartevelle, Maitre Kiejman's was coming

especially

Not knowing what fiUing

up with

made-up

girls

to

Paris to

crowd:

a strange

who were

openly trying to

from

do next,

on

wound.

him and he asked

satisfy

I

meet

partner,

us.

we returned to the bar, which was men in loud clothes and heavily

drinking whisky, smoking cigarettes and

pick up men. Raouf was not spared

their

provoca-

tive smiles.

My 'I

receptionist friend

came and

don't understand you.

'Because

He

we

have

The

staff

down

beside me.

don't you take rooms here?'

a better hotel in Tangier.'

offered us a coffee,

drugged.

Why

sat

wanted

which we drank unsuspectingly. to find out

234

who we

were.

It

was

They were

far

ESCAPED PRISONERS

from guessing our true identity but thought

Or

and that Raouf was our pimp.

prostitutes

Maria and

that

were

I

we were

perhaps that

Itahan or Spanish drug dealers engaged in shady business at the hotel. In any case there was definitely something fishy about us.

Under

we began

the influence of the drug,

receptionist suggested

we could sleep in Go in there, it's

for.

readiness to follow

was the proof

It

situation,

empty, you'll be

the answer he had been waiting

was something not

that there

safe.'

with our

right

although he was not sure what.

Raouf and awake

him was

The

Moroccan lounge.

the

'You're too out of it.

Our

to talk nonsense.

Abdellatif

night,

all

they were

still

much

fell

Maria and

asleep at once.

too agitated to sleep.

When

remained

I

they

woke

up,

rambling, and so were we.

We went out to install ourselves at the side of the car park and wait. We couldn't stop laughing, but 'we tried to calm down so as to appear dignified in front of our lawyer.

We hotel, sat

had arranged to meet in the

which had become our

refuge.

television lounge of the

little It

was

and watched colour television which

complexities of stand

how

satellite television

accompanied by Herve Kerrien

still

were beyond

late

We

place.

The

fascinated us.

us.

We

didn't under-

when he was

on the morning of 23

who was

nobody guessed the reason

allowed through without return,

good hiding

Spanish channels could be broadcast in Morocco.

Maitre Bernard Dartevelle arrived

airport,

a

carrying a camera. At the

for his visit,

difficulty.

April,

and they had been

This was not the case on

his

questioned twice by the police before being

released.

Maitre Dartevelle deUvered a speech

France was, France the country of country's

economic

Then he gave

interests

us a message

human

would not

all

about

rights.

how

outraged

He swore

that his

take precedence over ours.

from President Mitterrand:

'You should be very proud of yourselves because while there are millions of children

the world, give

you

who

will

be remembered

up and continued

He

are persecuted, massacred as

and imprisoned in

the only ones

who

did not

to fight to the end.'

asked us to sign a document instructing the Kiejman chambers

235

TWENTY YEARS

Then he

to represent us.

told us that he

Just as the shutter cHcked, the

who

PRISON

IN

had to take

photo of

a

door opened reveahng the receptionist

stared at us for a long time before

going out.

When

Maitre Dartevelle arranged to meet us again that evening.

he

left,

we

at last

had succeeded listened to us,

we talked we would

When

began

We

to feel elated.

in alerting the press

We

had climbed Everest.

and public opinion. People had

and taken us seriously. All day that idea comforted

of nothing but our victory. Soon all

us.

we would

be

us;

Soon

free.

be together again.

he came back that evening,

this

time without Kerrien,

Maitre Dartevelle told us that everything had been arranged for our departure the next morning and, once a

we had

ten thirty.

at

We

were

reached the French consulate,

to flee to Tangier

we would be

put on

plane for France. I

pointed out with a certain anxiety that the alarm had been raised,

that the receptionist

had caught us

they were increasingly suspicious of us risky to wait

He

any longer.

lounge and that

in the television at

the hotel.

could do no more

It

would be very

at that point,

but he

advised us to be very discreet.

When

he

left,

we

very dispirited.

felt

we went and

That night

loitered near the guests' rooms.

We

were

hungry. For three days, our only sustenance had been coffee and

Outside the rooms were trays with leftovers from

cigarettes.

service.

We

We

fought over

a little

piece of cheese.

found ourselves near the young Spanish couple's room, and

knocked on

their door.

The man opened surprised at 'Joint?' It

of bread or

a crust

room

I

it.

He was

in his underpants.

He looked

at

me,

first.

asked in French, with

my

most charming

smile.

was the hippies' magic password the world over.

He

smiled back

at

me

and invited us

bed, and she watched us troop

calmed her

down

with

a kiss

in.

who

His wife lay naked in the

She was

a Httle flustered, but

and motioned to us to

Having spent three days studying were the kind

in.

this

'share everything'

236

couple

—

carefully,

sit

he

on the bed.

we knew

peace, love and dope.

they

ESCAPED PRISONERS

He

and took

rolled a joint,

then offered

We

to us.

it

few

a

puffs, passed

Raouf did

a take-off

Les Gendarmes de Saint Tropez. Turning to said in

.' .

.

down

to the grass.

Stoned, they finally

fell

and so did we, on the couch.

asleep

At daybreak, the birds woke us

to

The Spanish couple looked

fmd

Then

us there.

kindly asked

me

if

first

couldn't stand

my

make-up using

all

at

up with

irksome twitter-

their

They seemed

us oddly.

they remembered getting stoned.

wanted

I

wash, for the

We

They put our

creased up laughing and the couple did too.

giggling

ing.

of Louis de Funes in

me, he proffered the joint

an earnest voice:

'Amour, amour

We

and

pretended to smoke: the spiked coffee had

already taught us a lesson.

and

to his wife

it

to use the

To

ravaged face.

the cosmetics

thanked them and

I

try to conceal

avoided mirrors; it,

put on

I

lots

I

of

found on the shelf Maria did likewise.

I

left.

The woman

We all had a proper

bathroom.

time in four days. Usually

surprised

We

went

straight to the bar to wait for

Maitre Dartevelle.

Then we heard

reception paging:

'Will Mademoiselle Oufkir please go to reception I

ignored

it.

It

honest,

even so close to our

game, I

my

as far as

was proud of us,

as

my

Albertini.

we were going to make it, told me that we would be

moments of

greatest

we

I

elation,

didn't care.

We

I

had never

had played the

possibly could.

father

'Will Mademoiselle Oufkir It

instinct

enemy. But

we had gone

was

didn't think

My

goal.

my

caught, and even in

underestimated

I

.

my name

was nothing to do with me,

To be completely

.' .

would have been.

.' .

.

was 10.25 a.m. on Friday 24 April 1987.

I

looked

direction of the hotel lobby. Instead of Maitre DarteveUe's taxi, a police

van pulling up in front of the plate

Ten policemen

in

I

saw

glass door.

khaki carrying Kalashnikovs poured out.

second, then a third, then ten vans drew up. Clusters of poHcemen I

the

in

were jumping out

all

over the place.

elbowed Raouf and whispered:

'The cops are here. Someone informed on

237

us.'

A

TWENTY YEARS

They

up

lined

over to join

The young

run.

at a

PRISON

IN

Spanish couple, on their

caught sight of them and

us,

Apart from smoking

hastily retraced their steps.

few joints, what had they done to

a

way

feel guilty

about?

THE ARREST About

dozen police

half a

bore

officials

down on

One

us.

of them

asked us to state our names. 'Are you Malika Oufkir?'

'Not

at all,'

I

repHed haughtily, 'my name

was determined

I

ventured the same

round and

Our

them.

lie.

armed

signalled to the

surrounding

us.

They moved was

arrest

to

be

of the old lady and her son

were bundled into

noisily.

We

caught a fleeting glimpse

which took

a sort

couple.

pohce

us to the

admiration, and one of

at us in

would not have been

down the bow them,

walk

us

young Spanish

At the entrance, the police formed

They gazed

line.

We

as well as the

a van,

who were now

held up his hand and stopped

heads to force us to

tourists.

Raouf

to be in charge turned

Then he made

discreet.

under the horrified gaze of the

in Tangier.

flying colours.

police officers

He

closer.

down our

corridor, brutally pushing

We

Albertini.'

is

come through with The man who seemed

to

station

of welcoming

them was sobbing

surprised if they had started clap-

ping.

The

officials

We

came from Rabat.

were

treated to the

whole

works; they called us heroes, which added to our pride. Everywhere

we

could see the respect in their eyes.

We

were measured, they took our

in a ceD.

Our

pride swelled

when

fingerprints,

and

we were

put

the public prosecutor telephoned

Driss Basri, the Minister of the Interior, in our presence.

'But

Your Excellency,

on the head of

my

I

swear

children.

it,

I

have arrested them.

Your Excellency,

Your Excellency,

Yes,

He

it

was myself

absolute discretion, yes.

Your

couldn't have been happier

in

person

swear

it

they're here before

me. Yes, there are four of them, MaHka, Raouf, Maria and

With

I

who

Abdellatif.

captured them.

Excellency.' if

238

he had caught an arch-criminal

ESCAPED PRISONERS

like

Mesrine or the Baader-Meinhof gang. Raouf and

My

glances, smiling covertly.

were shaking, and the time to

among away.

him

1

I

themselves.

They

was distraught

to put pressure

departure.

As

us.

if to

legs

wasn't

and Abdellatif was taken

was

I

my

big shots were talking

a corner, the

fired rapid orders

at his

on

exchanged

now

was overcome with emotion. But

myself go. In

let

I

knees were knocking together,

confirm

afraid they

my

would

use

they glared

fears,

at Raouf and me, to make sure we got the message. The junior poUce officers saw my distress and managed to whisper that we had nothing to fear. The others were trying to intimidate us,

menacingly

but

we had won. We had defied the authorities and contacted foreign now they were tied hand and foot as far as we were

powers

.

.

.

concerned. Gradually the guards grew bolder, coming over to speak to us

of communicating with

directly instead

Some of them were They had been

part of

Allee des Princesses.

my

signs.

known us when we still

Others had

crying.

father's escort

And some of them had been

as

children.

lived in the

Tamattaght and

at

belonged to the network. 'You can be proud of yourselves,' they Berbers' pride.

The

You have brought your came over

officials

that aroused

said.

father

to us, speaking in

'You have restored the

back to

honeyed, unctuous tones

our suspicion. The prosecutor spoke

first.

'Don't panic. Your brother will be treated well. as

my

son,

I

was

at his

Then he made

baptism

it

He

is

the same age

.' .

.

room. As

us leave the

again asked a policeman if

Ufe.'

was true

we went up

the

stairs,

I

once

that Abdellatif really wasn't in

any danger.

'You must be kidding

.

.

.

Nobody

eaten, they haven't drunk.

The

boss [he

supervising this business in person, and

harm

will dare

head. For four days they've been Uke cats

all

on hot

a hair

of

his

bricks, they haven't

meant the King] has been the time

you remained on

the loose, they got the brunt of it.'

Rumour

had

had forbidden

it

that during the days following

our escape, the King

his children to leave the palace in

they happened to be, in fear that

we would 239

Marrakesh, where

take revenge.

TWENTY YEARS

We

were shown into

was waiting I

and

to

my

room. To

great relief, Abdellatif

were standing by the window.

officials

my legs crumpled, the walls began to my heart. They rushed over to support and my fears for Abdellatif had overcome

them. Suddenly

felt a

I

The

for us there.

went over

spin,

a vast

PRISON

IN

palpitation in

me. The emotional turmoil me.

Someone went to fetch me an orange juice. They opened the window and told me to breathe deeply. The police station overlooked

a church.

That was when

looked out

I

I

saw

her.

distractedly.

Mary. The Virgin. Nestling

she was holding the infant Jesus in her arms and gazing

benevolent expression.

us,

protecting us.

at

me

with

a

when we needed

her,

watching

signalled discreetly to the others, so they

I

could see her too. The message was strong, like

an alcove,

nearly collapsed completely, but this time

I

with happiness. She was always there over

in

when we were

clear:

she was telling

digging the tunnel.

I

me

to be

quickly regained

my

composure.

They

just

we

wouldn't give up. There was no way

escaped on our own.

phces from Algeria.

It

was impossible.

They

We

could have

must have had accom-

Raouf and me in turn, speakThey had known my father, they knew

interrogated

ing in the same syrupy tones.

our uncle, our grandfather

.

.

.

we were

a respectable family

.

.

.

we

had to co-operate with them. Their questions kept coming.

'Why

you contact

did

Moroccan

institutions?

tomb of Muhammad

French lawyer?

a

Why

didn't

you

Why

don't you trust

ask for a royal

pardon on the

V?'

'You're a daughter of the Palace,

you know

their

Majesty would never have been able to refuse you

ways

.

.

.

His

pardon and

a

everything would have been fme.'

'And now, be honest,

tunnel? Pull the other one .

.

.

You were

'Nobody I

talk.

us

tell .

.

.

who You

helped you. Your story about a didn't have anything to dig with

so well guarded.'

escapes from Bir-Jdid.'

soon grew' weary of replying and just

He was

General Inspector Guessous,

240

sat letting

my

interrogator

a distant relative

of Mamma

ESCAPED PRISONERS

Guessous.

wondered what he was leading up

I

because he obvi-

to,

ously had something up his sleeve.

Above

an anxious

He

desk was a big clock.

his

Finally

air.

was nearly time

I

realized

for the news.

what

He

glanced

at

frequently, with

it

was he was waiting

it

for.

switched on the radio. After the

signature tune, the presenter read the

news

bulletin:

'Four of General Oufkir's children in spectacular escape bid

Guessous switched off the radio in to him, nor he to I

It

fury.

I

.' .

had nothing more

.

to say

me.

On joining

was led out of the room.

Raouf,

I

told

him what

I'd

heard, but he refused to believe me. 'Kika, you're dreaming. You're confusing

'Raouf, I'm not out of my mind. said

word

did

I

felt a

I

reaUty.'

can repeat what the newscaster

for word.'

Eventually

Then

I

your wishes with

manage

surge of inner peace, a sensation of well-being that

many

hadn't experienced for

had won. At

last

Half an hour

to convince him.

the

years.

That newsflash was proof that

whole world knew about

us.

Guessous came back to see

later,

I

we

From

us.

his face,

I

understood that our situation had changed.

They had probably the

news of our

them

that the

tried to

convince the French not to broadcast

escape. Perhaps they

had even

tried to persuade

Oufkir business was an internal Moroccan

affair,

despite

human rights. Unfortunately for had been made public. Now we had to be

the obvious flagrant violation of

them, the information treated differently.

We

were shown into another room, an empty one

had new mattresses brought in which police floor,

then

pleasure.

For

we were

There were

us, this

pohce

where we would

brought rolls,

laden with food.

We

They

on the

ate

with

butter and tea.

station

sleep.

trays

this time.

officers placed

We

was

a five-star hotel.

We

squabbled over

were exhausted but happy. Our mission

was accomplished.

We

fell

asleep thinking of the others.

Mother could be proud of

her children. For four days, with our scant means,

country on tenterhooks.

241

we

had kept the

TWENTY YEARS

•

Now

IN

•

•

We

they treated us with deference.

again and that did us good.

PRISON

had become human beings

The next morning,

pubHc prosecutor

the

We

authorized us to use his personal bathroom in the police station.

had

such

rarely seen

hundred

huge bathroom. There were more than

a

and sprays standing on

different botdes

a

his dressing table

eau de Cologne, perfume, shaving foam, shampoo and conditioner.

month

After living for ten years with half a packet of Tide per

made

soap, this sudden opulence

forgotten the consumer society.

with so

We

many

we

us laugh until

How

could people clutter their Uves

useless things?

splashed ourselves wdth toilet water and aftershave lotion.

mirrors,

for

had

the weight of the bottles, pulled out the stoppers and

felt

four kids

We

cried.

let

We

loose in a funfair.

We

were

weren't so thrilled with the

and avoided dwelling on our

Most of

reflections.

the look in our eyes that frightened us.

Our

all,

was

it

eyes stared out Hke those

of starving children from the Third World.

We we

locked ourselves in to wash. Turning on the taps to the

caused

a flood.

We

immediately

mopped up

towels and bathrobes, afraid of leaving a

from building the tunnel

Then

the four of us

.

cardiac arrest.

Guessous but beneath

The

infection

operation

dry tone was

and compassion

for

pathetic sight for

him

set

of clothes of his

We I

were driven

was so serious

would have

a

to suggest

own

a

reeked of perfume.

abscesses in his

mouth

was taken to refused

that

my

brother risked

to wait.

was

duty

his

We

really

as

an

official,

must have been

buying each of us

a

complete

a

new

accord.

to the city centre.

window,

outside world had been

that old reflex

mixture of admiration for our exploits

our condition.

thought of those eleven years

going on through

We

The

to see a dentist.

tried to treat us neutraUy, as his

was

stain. It

pus, but the practitioner he

The

to touch them.

the carpet with the

.

came out laughing.

Raouf desperately needed were swollen with

.

full,

at as

beyond

Memories came flooding back.

the Palace I

when

I

would watch

life

my

the

was doing now. All

my 242

reach.

I

life,

wondered how long

it

ESCAPED PRISONERS

would be before

I

would have been In the shops

poHce

taste

freedom

so simple, but

where we were was

orders. This

Hnks in the

could

tightly

satisfy

was

choose

lost in

the clothes.

and

a skirt

a

no longer even

but

I

We

were

among

after

my

I

was too bloated. I

Ben Cherif poUce

rising

of the

city.

father's death,

moment had been cells

scabs,

He had

interrogated

my

divi-

mother

a

then he had been sent to Tamattaght

a

long corridor

at

services,

the end

and three

us.

filmed, the director

would probably have

voiceover for extra emotion, or sound

from the

however,

was run by Yousfi, the

it

other superintendents were waiting for

a

did,

I

selected a pair of

station in Casablanca.

of which Yousfi, Allabouch, the head of the secret

added

I

the pain.

felt

when our network had been dismantled. We went up and down stairs, and down

If that

They

me. Maria, too

covered with sores and

still

pohtical prisoners,

sional superintendent

few days

were

feet

transferred to the

Notorious

And

fitted

long tunic. In a shoe shop

My

clogs for comfort.

their informers, the

our every whim, but

want anything and, worst of all, nothing

didn't

were under

net that kept the country to heel.

spoke to us with deference, wanting to

thin,

were

the door

strength.

taken, the sales assistants

their territory, these

woven

Opening

for real.

no longer had the

I

of clamour

effects

or the other prisoners applauding our victory.

But nothing of the

sort

happened.

Our

arrival

took place in

silence.

A

silence so

heavy that

it

only intensified the emotion.

enced something astonishing. These

five

men, devoted

We

experi-

servants of

the regime, started congratulating us. 'Bravo,' said Yousfi.

'It

really

was the Great Escape,

that story

of

yours.'

He I

continued complimenting us on our courage. While he spoke,

stood staring

at

the floor.

'Oh, no,' he said to me. 'You've hardly been here two minutes

and you're already eyeing the flagstones to plan your escape. Once

is

enough, don't you think?'

We

quickly asked for news of the rest of the family.

243

They were

TWENTY YEARS

they assured

fine,

IN

PRISON

we were going to old man dragging his

Besides,

us.

away. Yousfi called over an

them

see

straight

whose job

feet,

it

apparently was to bhndfold the prisoners.

He

held

stick,

a

and

showed

us into a

A

hunched old

It

was Mother.

The hunger

as

he passed each door, he cried: 'Banda

nickname

banda.' That was his

too.

Banda Banda opened

door and

a

cell.

lady was eating soup.

attempt and the worry of our escape

strike, the suicide

had prematurely aged

her.

Before

me

huddled

shrunken, emaciated,

a

wrinkled woman. She Ufted the spoon to her mouth with the slow, deliberate gestures of the elderly.

towards me. They were

She

with

filled

blank. She didn't recognize me.

ourselves at her feet.

down on

Her hand

We so

Her gaze was

infinite sadness.

one another

jostled

low

that

to

throw

She put her spoon

started to tremble.

murmured,

the table and

enormous black eyes

raised her

we

could barely hear

her:

'My

We ately.

You are had changed so much children

It

.

.

.

.

.

.

my

children.'

we were

new

wearing

four days of freedom had rekindled in our eyes the

we thought had been

that

extinguished for ever.

other side, outside the walls, while she was

Mother was wearing

a

clothes.

little

We

These

flame of life

were on the

locked up.

The

sworn they would shave

night of our their heads if

weren't caught within twelve hours. They had kept their word.

Those two were was

still

scarf over her head.

escape, Soukaina and she had

we

immedi-

that she hadn't recognized us

wasn't only because

as

white

a right pair

as chalk.

when

it

came

to crazy schemes.

Achoura and HaHma had

a

Mimi

wild look in their

eyes.

Once we were over our initial shock, we all embraced We laughed, we rolled on the floor, we cried: 'We've won, the nightmare

The

others had been at the

21 April.

They had

had been detained

They had been

arrived

is

over,

we

are

no longer

Ben Cherif poHce

two days

after

at length.

in Bir-Jdid.'

station since

our escape. At

Tuesday

first

they

in appalling conditions.

lined

up

against a wall,

244

wearing military jellabahs.

ESCAPED PRISONERS

hood

the

made

to stand

was tortured

do with

weak

down

pulled

it.

over their blindfolded eyes. They had been

in the next

They

to stand,

room.

He

Borro

as

screamed that he'd had nothing to

hadn't eaten for a long time, and Soukaina, too

had

runny liquid with

howls of pain

for hours, listening to the

still

Their only food had been dog food,

fainted.

rice flour floating in

During Mother's interrogation

a vile

it.

sessions, they

had bombarded her

with questions to make her give away our destination. She had no idea that our embassy plan had failed.

on

off"

Thinking she was sending them

wild-goose chase, she repHed that

a

we were

heading for

Tangier.

That was impossible in

their view.

They were convinced we

we had

hadn't been able to get away from the Bir-Jdid area. At best,

gone in the other

formed on

us.

At

Western

direction, towards the frontier of the

But then we discovered

Sahara.

that

that point they

somebody

in

Rabat had in-

had to face up to the

facts.

We

could be anywhere in Morocco. They had searched Rabat and then

we had

Tangier, concentrating, as

we

could

Two

foreseen,

on the

places

from which

flee the country.

hours before our brutal

prisoners'

arrival at the

treatment

Ben Cherif police

station, the

had stopped. They had fmaUy been

brought decent food, breaded escalopes and French beans served on

and no longer in

plates

that

we must

tin

mugs. That was

have been caught. The news was confirmed

by Allabouch, the director of the

We

told

them every

round-eyed, and

we

talked.

when Mother

detail

we were

Mother kept

realized

a little later

secret services.

of our escapades. They stared

aware

how proud

they were of

us.

at us

While

getting up, touching us, kissing us,

and

repeating the same words.

'My

children,

changed was

It

were

all

So if to

we

my

little

darlings.

It's

incredible

how much

you've

.' .

.

true.

The

hardest thing for us was the realization that

no longer reaUy listened to

part of a whole.

We

Mother and Soukaina's accounts very

redeem ourselves

for that extra

without them.

245

freedom

we

felt a little bit guilty.

that

we

carefully, as

had experienced

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

AFTER THE ESCAPE Monday morning,

At eight thirty that mother's

as

cell,

the guards had entered

my

they did every morning, bringing her the coffee

They had begun their search. mother remained very calm. The five women had

prepared by Achoura.

My

night trembling with fear for us, especially

of

stray

dogs howling. But

we

as

when

spent the

they heard the pack felt

more

The door

to the

hadn't returned, they

optimistic.

The

guards checked her

was

toilet

ajar.

'My son

Do

toilet.

is

unwell,' she told them. 'He's spent

you want

They poUtely

to

go

in

all

night in the

and see for yourselves?'

refused, despite her insistence.

They

left,

locking the

and went into ours. Soukaina had had enough time to replace

cell,

and disguise it

tapping everywhere.

cell,

who

was she

The

the floor slabs.

all

guards were mildly surprised that

greeted them. Usually

I

was the

oiie

who came

forward to speak to them.

My

Httle sister

was perfectly composed too. Our success had given

her the strength to stand up to them. 'Malika and Maria have got their periods,' said Soukaina.

That was the magic phrase to keep the gaolers arranged our beds in such still

asleep.

As

usual,

way

a

Mimi

it

looked

as

Soukaina had

though

we were

stayed huddled under the blankets and

But just

didn't raise her head.

that

at bay.

as

they were leaving, she

let

out

a

huge

sigh to reassure them.

these

All

everything

details else.

were

The

part

of

a

minutely honed

guards went into the

was, scraped, searched and tapped the walls.

on the hollow

strategy,

room where

like

the tunnel

Not once did they

tread

slabs.

They went into Achoura and Hahma's cell for a cursory routine visit. The two women gave the guards no cause for concern. From their cells, my mother and Soukaina watched them. They heard the guards' footsteps, then the jangle of their keys.

My

mother was torn between excitement and

pity for those

poor

wretches who, for ten years, had punctuated the monotony of our days.

Our

escape spelled danger for them.

246

ESCAPED PRISONERS

Just before they reached

Raouf 's

cell,

my

mother

started

They came back and asked her what

ing on her door.

hammer-

she wanted.

'I forgot to tell you something very important. Come back They obeyed and opened up her cell again.

'Well,

she said. 'Malika, Maria,

it's this,'

Raouf and

inside.'

Abdellatif have

escaped.'

They

did not react. She shook

'Go and look there.

Go

in the toilet, you'll see for yourselves. Abdellatif isn't

into the

and Raouf's

girls'

everywhere, under the beds It

took

.

.

While

my

They've gone,

back the tell

I

'Pull yourself together,

woman

had suddenly gone mad.

Madame

Come

Oufkir.

on, you're usually

.' .

.

the straw mattresses and ran into the

'But what language must

They stared at

I

tell

up

toilet.

speak?

searching everywhere,

started

one another. There was no

They opened up our

capable of the worst. cell

I

cell, lifted

Four of

my

children have

you.'

fraught silence.

with

look

you.'

But Mother wouldn't give up. She darted around the

escaped,

sheets,

mother became more and more heated, they

stared at her pityingly, as if she

a sensible

.

ceUs, pull

ten minutes for the information to seep into their

at least

thick skulls.

them one by one.

Maybe

following her.

trace

they

of Abdellatif There was

managed

a fright?

a

They knew we were

cell again.

Abdellatif had

and was hiding to give them

Then

to slip into our

Soukaina greeted them

a smile.

'They're here, they're asleep, they've got their periods,' they insisted anxiously. 'So

you

said,

we

can see them

'No,' said Soukaina, 'they're not there.

They looked under our of clothing in our beds.

Look

blankets. Soukaina

.' .

.

for yourselves.'

had arranged two heaps

Then they looked under

searched everywhere before going into Raouf's

upside-down,

all

cell

the beds and

and turning

it

in vain.

Then they went berserk. Our escape condemned them to certain death. They came into our cell with picks and prised up the floor slabs. Then they went into the cell with the tunnel and prised out a few more slabs but failed to discover the passage. They couldn't make

247

TWENTY YEARS

head or

of

tail

They panicked,

it.

PRISON

IN

and rushing about

yelling

in

all

directions.

Next they went brutally to

nito

make them

Achoura and Halima's

confess.

Then my mother took

sisters.

didn't dare touch

Mother or

the initiative and banged

my

on her door

them. They were so distraught that they wouldn't

to speak to

to her.

They

and beat them

cell

listen

She had to scream to make herself heard.

'You must calm down,' she advised them, with great composure.

When

'And stop wrecking everything. You know Rabat. here, they'll say that

The poor wretches were

out of their wits.

terrified

'You're right, we'll put everything back

my

'No,' said

The

mother,

on Sundays, he

late the

their search

next day.

too

it

was.'

best to raise the alarm.'

late. It's

went

usually

On Monday

to see his children

and came

mornings, the guards carried out

without him. They weren't used to taking responsibility

and were completely advice.

'it's

as

guards were in serious trouble. Borro wasn't there. As he was

off duty

back

they get

you helped them escape.'

at a

The news of our

However, they followed Mother's

loss.

escape

went

straight to headquarters

and to

the Ministry of the Interior.

Within the hour, the tiny bloodshot eyes

threatened

my

he had broken

He

vile

and

mother with us,

Borro

arrived.

gorilla build,

The man who

who

stump,

a vine

flaunted his

who, two months

earHer,

had

flattered himself that

stood before her, waxen-faced,

lowered.

his eyes

avoided her gaze.

She was

elated,

According

but made every

to him, there

effort

was no way

not to

we

were hiding somewhere. He gave orders

show.

let it

could have escaped. to

check the

roofs.

We Of

course, the search proved fruitless.

He

looked up

at

my mother

and

said in a

quavering voice:

'They have escaped.'

He had

aged twenty years in

less

arrogance, viciousness and contempt.

than an hour.

He

himself to be led by Mother and Soukaina.

man being led to the gallows. The guards locked my mother and 248

dragged

He was

sisters in

our

Gone were

his feet,

like a

cell.

his

allowing

condemned

They

stayed

ESCAPED PRISONERS

there waiting for quite a long while. reverberating;

A

suddenly darkened

it

landed in the surrounding

fields.

little later,

as

they heard the sky

an armada of heHcopters

Officers in full dress uniform

poured

into the barracks.

prison gates opened to admit poUce officers holding ferocious

The

Alsatians

on

and then

leashes.

them

let

loose.

the dogs our tattered clothes to sniff

mother and

were

sisters

cruder.

They bhndfolded my mother and where they

my

At that point,

The mouhazzin were replaced by gendarmes, whose

very frightened.

methods were

They gave

violently forced her to

led her out into the barracks

down. Their tone was menac-

sit

who could be manipulated by begun to know well. These officers

ing. These were no longer the guards

whom we

nor Borro

us,

had

my

spoke harshly, without compassion. They were going to make

mother pay

for our effrontery.

Mother was shaking with it.

As soon

fear,

he opened

as

his

but she didn't allow herself to show

mouth, she interrupted the

officer

interrogating her.

'General I

Ben SHmane,'

she said, 'don't try and be clever with me,

recognize your voice.'

The man

got up abruptly and

Even though fiture.

she was blindfolded.

They had

all

been

close to

left,

and another took

Mother could

my

father

his place.

sense their discom-

and had been guests

at

our house on numerous occasions. The second officer received the

same treatment

as

Ben

Slimane.

'You haven't even got the guts to look contemptuously. 'And yet you are a blindfold

me

recognize

all

me?

to interrogate

of you, even

She wouldn't

tell

them

at

No

me

soldier.

in the eyes,' she said,

So you're forced

matter what you do,

1

to

will

the ends of the earth,' she added.

anything.

Even though

she was terrified,

she remained dignified and courageous.

'Madame are,

Oufkir, be reasonable. If

they could be in danger.

area's

you don't

They might be

teU us

where they

eaten by wolves

—

the

swarming with them.'

'I'd rather

they were eaten by wolves than by you

They took her back

to her

cell.

Then

249

it

.' .

.

was Soukaina's turn to be

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

interrogated; she was blindfolded too. She had

prison and was unable

to recognize anybody.

been nine on entering

But

each interro-

after

gation, she described the officers' voices to Mother,

who was

able to

identify them.

They wanted

to

know where we

were, and used every means to

find out: threats, intimidation, entreaties and emotional blackmail.

But Soukaina stood up

to them, remaining impassive despite her fear

and anguish.

The

first

back to her

time they returned to the gaol, while she was being taken cell

she overheard the generals talking to Borro.

How

'We'U have your hide.

could you have allowed children to

hve in such conditions?'

We

were no longer even conscious of it, but there was no denying

The

the unspeakable squalor and insalubrity of the place. gratings

were black with soot from the charcoal

brazier

walls

we

and

used for

cooking. Everything was crumbHng, grey, dark and oozing with moisture. Conditions were rudimentary: straw mattresses, cardboard

boxes for furniture,

been treated

The on

us,

beaten earth

a

Caged animals would have

better.

generals had

known

that the

King was wreaking

letters,

and

They

we were

that

Soukaina about our

believed

vengeance

we were Hving in we had been receiving books

relatively

pampered. They questioned

She told them that

diet.

the taste of foods such as milk, butter or

meals and explained

The

his

but they could never have imagined that

such sordid conditions.

and

floor.

generals

been supplied

were

how we made

all

the

more

we no

fruit.

longer recalled

She described our

sandwiches with boiled herbs.

appalled because normal food had

to the barracks; the soldiers weren't lacking for any-

thing.

They

hadn't yet found the hole by the perimeter fence. After

twenty-four hours, they caped.

It

couldn't understand

was impossible to dig

manpower.

weak

still

My

how we

had

es-

You needed equipment, Mimi were in a deplorably

a tunnel.

mother, Soukaina and

state.

Where would we have found the strength to dig? 'We didn't need muscle,' Soukaina finally burst

250

out

after several

ESCAPED PRISONERS

which they asked her the same questions over

interrogations, during

and over

again. 'To escape,

we needed was

of inhuman suffering,

fifteen years

fear

all

And

and deprivation.

They were

fifteen years

as for intelligence,

years to nurture and develop

of starvation, cold,

you gave

us

those

all

it.'

They wanted

cracking up.

fifteen years in prison,

to

know

everything.

Under-

stand everything. Using force, if necessary.

But Soukaina

need to be asked twice. She was unstoppable,

didn't

taking a malicious pleasure in using our secret language: Chinese lanterns, elephants

.

.

.

They

stared at her, flabbergasted, torn

between

bewilderment and anger. Was she making fun of them? They could get really angry

my

stomach,

I

Battling against the dread in the pit of her

.

.

remained very poHte. The interrogations were

sister

terrible ordeal

ized.

.

and Soukaina, for

all

her bravura, was very demoral-

But she was aware of the important part she had to must say

managed

that she

woman,

twenty-three-year-old

found herself centre regains the intelligent,

She was

stage.

power of

briUiantly. a

a

For the

play.

first

time, this

prisoner since the age of nine, like a

mute person who suddenly

speech. She discovered that she was funny,

cunning, sardonic and impudent. She kept her audience

on tenterhooks, even though they were enraged by her

audacity.

In spite of their menaces, they were enthralled, intrigued, and

sometimes even in 'But

if

time to

you

seal

stitches.

how

didn't have watches,

up the tunnel

did

you know when

it

was

again?'

'Cornelius.'

'Who wise

is

Cornelius?

An accompUce?

Don't make fun of

us,

other-

.' .

.

'But

tell us,

did

you think you were

Soukaina was having 'But

it's

a field day.

the escape of the century.

time, they broke

Galileo?'

They were It's

really

shaken up.

From time

incredible.'

to

in:

'Your father would have been proud of his children.'

They wanted

to

know who had been

responsible for the children's

upbringing in prison. 'Malika,' she repUed. 'She taught us to read, write

251

and speak, and

TWENTY YEARS

made

PRISON

IN

us learn table manners. She taught us everything. She was our

great support, our mother, father and teacher. Everything that

we owe They

all

smoked

in front

collect the cigarette butts. 'I

we

are,

to her.'

of

An

After they had

her.

who saw

officer

her

left,

she

would

said:

could never have coped with what you've been through.'

And he

offered her

some

She gave so many had to beheve

her.

real cigarettes.

precise, verifiable details that eventually they

But she wouldn't show them the place where

had dug the tunnel. Before leaving, find

it

for themselves.

we had

insisted that they

She teased them, making

it

we

had to

into a game, like

'hunt the thimble'. You're warm, you're cold, you're boiHng. In the end she

felt

the

game had gone on long enough. They were

growing increasingly angry, becoming violent and more menacing in their threats.

At

that point, she

'The tunnel

When were slabs

is

showed them

in there, find

to the

cell.

it.'

they removed her blindfold, she saw that

in full dress uniform.

They beamed

the generals

all

their torches

onto the floor

and asked her to wait for the cameraman before opening them.

They wanted

to film her

and photograph her

proof of our escape to the King, Soukaina

lifted

up the stone

I

in action, to send the

suppose.

cracked the layer of cement and

slabs,

pulled out the elephants and the Chinese lanterns

all

by herself

as

they looked on in amazement.

They Then

called the

gendarmes to check

that there really

they sent the cameraman to film the length of it,

was as

a passage.

well as our

pathetic tools, the spoon, the knife handle and the sardine-can Hd.

The dogs

retrieved the things

—

we'd dropped on the way

the

pepper, iron bar and rags. Meanwhile the hehcopters scoured the

region in vain; there was no sign of us.

Then my mother and station in Casablanca.

more

for us,

the others

They were

were

transferred to the police

paralysed with fear and anxiety,

of whom there was no news, than for themselves.

At Ben Cherif,

my

mother

tried to

252

keep

a cool head.

Judging by

ESCAPED PRISONERS

we

the attitude of their gaolers,

hadn't been found yet and that was

the only thing that mattered to her.

Halima was slapped and beaten

She did not deny

several times.

and

herself the pleasure of giving the police a moral lecture,

She was

infuriated them.

and her love

loyalty

again

it

I

wanted

I

would,' she claimed, 'so don't count

to,

whole world knew about our

they couldn't permit themselves to abuse

And

so, reunited,

we

had avenged

From then as

my

if

stayed at

time

when it was From now on,

arrival,

escape.

us.

ourselves.

father.

on we would

celebrate 19 April, the date of our escape,

we

Ben Cherif

two and

for

a half

never stopped eating. In those

first

months, during which

was an endless

days, there

procession of dishes. French beans, breaded escalopes, .

had to do

the day our dignity had been restored.

We

.

I

to betray them.'

spent the night talking, laughing, hugging

one another and congratulating

We

and

on me

Their ill-treatment stopped shortly before our clear that the

revelled in her

for us.

followed them to prison because

'I

woman who

very proud

a

that

.

the

menu

wasn't varied, but for us

Out of loyalty Ssena',

our prison

to

which means 'one

three teeth

left.

with prominent cheekbones, graced with

We

were given

white TV, and unfolded before terms with the give the

King

tradition,

us,

and

his

with

a

neck

like a

corkscrew and

diamond shining

We

in

it

was

credit for that. this

all

so unfamihar.

I

his

jaw

it.

known

had

and thin

tall

only black and

discovered the world in colour.

fact that the

and resentment against

poor thing only had

caricature of himself,

a television set.

now we

was luxury.

we nicknamed Raouf 'Bou-

tooth', because the

My brother drew a

a single tooth

it

desserts

rice,

Morocco

had to come to

country had been modernized, and to I

was torn between pride

for

my

people

King who had ruled the country with

such success using contemptible means. His daughter. Princess Meriem, was about to be married and there

were endless

features

persecutor but the

on the

royal family.

man who had watched 253

I

over

no longer saw the

my

childhood.

My

TWENTY YEARS

tears

flowed:

was powerless to stop them. This

I

others,

who

could not understand

way

was.

I

it

PRISON

IN

Along with

loyalty to

swung between

constantly

tween love and

my

attitude

my

amazed the

past. That's the

nostalgia

and hatred, be-

given

video recorder.

fear.

the television,

Allabouch owned

a

we were

huge video

allowed us to borrow

as

talking about Rocky, so

many

we

library

we

as

also

a

of confiscated

wanted.

The

films,

and he

cops were always

chose a Stallone film. But

this

one was an

how the great Sylvester had begun his we all shrieked with laughter. The next

X-rated movie: that was

career. After the initial shock,

day.

Mother thanked Allabouch

he had given

for the sexual education

her children. Deeply embarrassed, the director apologized profusely.

The

They knew

interrogations started again.

about the escape now, but they wanted to

They

planning.

if

we'd had any choice

fifteen years in prison

worst.

was

Not

to be.

that

We

.

.

.

we

we

afraid

still

didn't

know what our

fate

decided to write to the King to ask

Canada. Allabouch was worried:

for permission to emigrate to

he was

traps.

hadn't heard from DarteveUe again.

After a family consultation,

him

most obvious

had taught us cunning, and they came off

helped us much:

it

know

know what we were

Generally, they tried to get us to faU into the

But

there was to

having hired French lawyers instead

criticized us for

of Moroccan. As

all

we would insult His Majesty, which we had no He read our letter and it made his blood boil.

intention of doing.

'Don't say

We were We did not the

don't say that

that,

adamant.

want

We

.' .

.

were not prepared

to stay in

to alter a single phrase.

Morocco. Canada was

King would never allow

a

good

choice, as

We

were too

us to leave for France.

much of an embarrassment; he couldn't make us disappear into thin air, now that international pubHc opinion had been alerted. But what on

earth

was he going

While awaiting

do with

his reply,

police station that

with what

to

we behaved

like

model

to

prisoners

at

the

to us,

compared

never complained, even

when we

seemed the epitome of luxury

we had known. We

were blindfolded

us?

go to the bathroom or the

254

toilets.

For once,

we

ESCAPED PRISONERS

to be heavily guarded, because

were pleased same rank

We

as

the heroes

we

elevated us to the

it

admired.

could read the respect and admiration the policemen had for

us in their eyes, and

we

never tired of basking in

it.

Each

day,

savoured our victory and the scale of our revenge on the King a

we

little

more. 'You've screwed them,' they'd

One

when we were

day,

making

say,

a victory

down

pacing up and

'V

the corridor,

encountered two Palestinian prisoners. They stood facing the poHce

oflficers

spotted them, they rushed over to lead

But they had the time that the victory

was

to

scream

us in Arabic that

at

we

When

us.

them away.

we had won,

ours.

At the end of the corridor, beyond the a

sign.

toilets

and showers, there was

locked metal gate that was permanently guarded by an armed

policeman in combat questions, the

prisoners

We

poUce

gear.

were

intrigued.

finally told us that

it

Worn down by

we were

to

go and see

it.

They found our

so insistent that they eventually gave in.

other side of this gate, there was a narrow corridor I

our

was the place where the

were interrogated.

were determined

odd, but

We

implored

the

request

On

Hned with

the

cells.

poHceman who was accompanying me.

He

shrugged.

you wish, but don't

'As

you

say

you haven't been warned.

It'll

finish

off.'

He

sHd back the cover over

a

peephole.

The

cell

was so tiny

that

room to stand, or even sit down, the ceiling was so gloom, a man was lying Hstlessly on a concrete floor slab.

there was barely

low. In the

He I

did not react, but stared vacantly through me.

looked

at

him,

my

eyes fuU of tears, and

murmured:

'Courage, courage.' I

was immediately furious with myself

given two drops of water to someone

It

who was

was

as

though

dying of

I

thirst in

had the

desert.

The poHceman the prisoner,

who

shut the door but

I

had had time to see the

had begun to tremble.

255

face

of

TWENTY YEARS

I

PRISON

IN

was sobbing.

'I

told

you not

That man was

We

to

go

in there,' said the cop.

a poUtical prisoner.

One

much hope. two months, Allabouch summoned us and announced

awaited the King's reply without

After

His Majesty had provisionally placed cons

our disposal

at

in

thing would be paid

looked For

furnished house with

Marrakesh. There was even

for,

food, clothing

emerging from

We

would

hell,

live there

to a decision regarding

We

a

were overjoyed

real issues.

at

Would we be

this

.

while

offer

we

.

We

garden. Every-

were going

to

be

so tired that the

was beyond our wildest

waited for His Majesty to

our request to emigrate.

the news. In our excitement, truly free

most

we

we evaded

the

one day? And when?

But we didn't yet have the strength

were

.

a

that

mod

all

after.

us,

dreams.

come

of many.

to ask those questions.

could do was eat and sleep.

256

We

8

MARRAKESH I

July

SIX

I

987-

I

9

February

99

I

I

EUPHORIC MONTHS

The house His Majesty had

royally allocated to us

Casablanca bourgeoisie. During

of the

father's lifetime, the Ministry

the Interior used to lend us a farm there,

winter holidays and for horseriding

in Targa, a

rural holiday spot

few miles from Marrakesh, the favourite

my

was

at

which we used

the weekend.

We

for

of

our

had very

happy memories of it.

Of all

the

villas in

the area, ours was the most isolated, encircled

high walls that allowed only a

surrounded by

a

gUmpse of the treetops beyond.

neglected garden.

The

It

by

was

house, which probably dated

back to colonial times, was huge and looked,

if

not

attractive, at least

comfortable. After Bir-Jdid,

it

seemed

palatial.

We

loved the interior with

long corridors, Hght rooms and the sheer the

bedrooms were on the

first

floor.

I

shared mine with Maria.

Soukaina, Mimi, Abdellatif and Mother had their

who needed

to get

its

number of them. Most of

own

rooms. Raouf,

away from the overpowering female presence,

took the downstairs bedroom that looked out onto the garden.

Achoura and HaUma had rooms near the kitchen.

The house had two

sitting

rooms,

as

did

all

elegant middle-class

homes. The smaller one was furnished in European

257

style,

with

a sofa

TWENTY YEARS

IN

PRISON

and comfortable armchairs arranged around

a

large fireplace.

The

other was arranged in the traditional Moroccan way, with mattresses

on the

floor

we were

and

low

a

whiteness of the walls, the abundance of

thrilled at the

windows, the

electric switches.

—

—and proper

water It

luxury

a

There was

toilets

and bathtubs.

more

who would More

wasn't quite so happy. prohibitions

ordinary people

.

—we

.

walls,

more

gates,

My

more poUce,

a stroll, live like

.

resembled

if it

we had dreamed

my

kept

it.

have which bedroom.

couldn't go out, go for

still

Another prison, even freedom

felt like

it

children ran in and out of the rooms, laughing,

the

shouting and bickering over

mood

and cold running

fresh hot

wasn't paradise but, for the pariahs of Bir-Jdid,

Excited,

I

being deprived of light for so long

table. After

of?

I

didn't

a real

want

Where was

house.

the

to spoil their happiness so

misgivings to myself and joined in with feigned enthu-

siasm. 'Yes,

for long,

To

We

Anyway

we're going to be happy.

fantastic, yes,

it's

it's

not

is it?'

hell

with

my

misgivings,

had been given

we'd

see

soon enough.

carte blanche to

buy

furniture for the bed-

rooms, clothes and daily provisions. Books, records, videos, paper, notebooks, pens, women's magazines and Moroccan newspapers

were ours

for the asking.

Liberation,

dream on

the television

were responsible

kilo

write a

.

We

were

for

We

list.

cai'd (a

our daily shopping. The

could have anything

of meat per week seemed or even thinking of

understand

'Can

we

a

hi-fi

system, a

when we misbehaved,

'chief or a kind of mayor) and his deputy

didn't immediately understand

'butter',

given

also

Le Monde,

programmes were censored.

The Marrakesh

I

.

for the international press,

video recorder and radios. But

television, a

we

.

As

my

hesitation.

also

have

I

fruit?

we

first

wanted.

what they meant by

sufficient for nine. it,

day, they suggested

'anything'.

A

Writing the word

was inconceivable. They couldn't

kept asking: Fresh milk? Chocolate? Sweets? Aren't

they forbidden any more?'

They were

as

good

as their

word.

258

Our wish was

their

command.

MARRAKESH

we became

Gradually

our sole reason for

menu

next day's placed

how real

our

at

to cook.

used to

Every evening

living.

On

By

his arrival, the

the time he

we

carefully

who had been poor man hadn't known

left,

four years

he had become

later,

a

cordon-bleu chef

We cakes,

We

became very demanding. and

tajines,

wanted sweet and savoury pan-

couscous, custards and stewed

Through

would

food,

often

we

wake up

in the night,

was. Bir-Jdid? Borro? Benaich?

throw on some clothes and

bump

often

I

We'd fridge

get a

member of my

into another

of the

fit

and compare our

together.

The

Our bodies were less illnesses.

you

are

giggles.

selections.

ghosts.

I

I

would

where

1

family, also suffering

a tray laden

with food.

eating, Abdellatif?'

Then we'd both head for the We would sit and gorge ourselves

provided by these midnight

satisfaction

we were no

us that

not?

no longer knew where

I

was haunted by

tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen

Raouf? What

that you,

let's see, a

Why

.

drenched in sweat, tormented

from insomnia, going back upstairs with 'Is

.

.

rediscovered our appetite for living.

by nightmares or horrendous memories.

would

And

fruit.

big birthday cake with lashings of cream every day

I

obsession,

planned the

with the pohce cook

in consultation

disposal.

Food became our only

it.

feasts

proved to

longer in gaol. deficient in everything,

Mimi's haemorrhoids required

and

suffered mysterious fevers, abscesses

had no muscles, spare

flesh or teeth;

bone, and even that was in a woeful

we

and a

we were .

.

in hospital.

We

our hair feU out,

we

month

boils,

state

contracted count-

nothing but skin and .

Even though we

ate

non-stop and stuffed ourselves with vitamins and medicines, our deficiencies

were

so serious that

it

was Hke pouring

a

drop of water

onto sand.

To

get

my

strength back,

spent every

I

morning exercising Hke

my

mad: jogging, working out, or playing football with

brothers.

I

requested books on nutrition for athletes and became a walking

encyclopaedia on the subject. years,

but

I

remained

rest

of the day

followed

this strict

regime for two

in a dire physical condition for a long time.

pushed myself, rather hke

The

I

I

a disabled

listened to

259

I

person learning to walk again.

music and read.

I

was

as

hungry

TWENTY YEARS

books

for

as

first

I

wasn't content just to read.

hnes and whole poems by heart. I

—

PRISON

history

books on the

I

was interested

in everything.

I

felt

was for food: novels,

I

Second World War and on Russia At

IN

essays,

so ignorant that

learned

I

looked things up in the dictionary,

I

read Baudelaire and Chateaubriand, and parsed sentences Uke a

primary school

child.

They smuggled bowing

father and,

the Story. I

left

was

me

a

in a

making notes

others,

TV serials, even ET unfathomable.

bewildered.

found

I

was hard to make up

my

grand-

began re-transcribing

I

and kept

for a screenplay

glutton for films and

of flying saucers, special

I

from the

to pressure

also started

I

typewriter that belonged to

little

a diary.

though most of them I

understood nothing

the philosophy behind the film.

effects,

It

for a fifteen-year lag.

think I'm the alien.

Soukaina painted and listened to the songs of her long-time idol Patricia Kaas. Abdellatif played football;

Raouf began

a

law degree by

correspondence, and Mother Hstened to her precious news bulletins

and scoured the newspapers they agreed to bring

coming back

to

life,

In the evenings,

From seven

rags.

We

own

each in our

we

when we

hummed

ironed clothes, tacked hems, plastered

ourselves,

were

all

way.

organized parties

o'clock, the house

We

her.

put on our glad

all

with

down

a cheerful bustle.

our

preened

hair,

put on our make-up, gave ourselves a manicure and

painted our toenails.

Then we

gathered in the sitting

room around

a

magnificent buffet.

As

we began

been repressed

to live again,

we releamed

We

for so long.

had hung up our

become more human. Our bodies were I

found

I

became upset when

fluttering. It

my room

was hke being

sobbing. Despite

than a very young

We

had

girl

a favourite

with

a

haunting slow number

a

It's

and

reawaken.

starting to

thirty-four years,

desperate need

song which

we

set

my

heart

called 'Etre.

260

I

was

still

no more

for love.

never tired of Ustening

theme music from the film La Lumiere Aznavour.

'battledress'

teenager again, spending hours alone in

my a

the emotions that had

des justes,

to:

the

sung by Charles

MARRAKESH

One

of US would put

it

on and we'd hug each

other, singing the

chorus together:

bom

To

mourir pour mieux renaitre ...

'Etre,

be, to die better to be re-

.' .

.

Was

Aznavour's heartrending voice that brought

it

eyes, or the

words

that

seemed

to have

been written

Every morning. Superintendent El Haj dropped were, and find out instructed

if

we were

satisfied

with our

probe our determination to

to

tears to

especially for us?

in to see

lot.

how we

Actually,

he was

Canada.

in

settle

our

We

weren't fooled.

We

were

all

way

too familiar with the

honeyed words and compUments sense of security, to

are calculated to give

make you beHeve they

we had become adept our turn we too tried disingenuously as we could. at this

Luckily,

were

are

you comes when you

trick question to trap

We

the regime worked. Their

on your

you

side,

a false

then the

are least expecting

game of cat-and-mouse, and to extract as

much

Our French

in a state of uncertainty.

it.

in

information

lawyers, Maitre

DarteveUe and Maitre Kiejman, had given no further sign of Hfe.

we were treated well, but even though the Hmits had been pushed back we could now walk, run and breathe, as long as we stayed within the confines of our garden we were still prisoners. Their silence worried

us.

True,

—

—

On

3 July, Georges Kiejman finally paid us a

meeting with him. Visibly moved towards lost

us,

he made a touching

members of

to

see us

Uttle speech.

his family in the

visit. It

first

and very respectful

As someone

who

had

concentration camps during the

knew what we must have gone through and defend our case to the end. He promised to see

war, he to

was our

felt

compelled

us regain our

freedom. I

found

persecution tate us,

and

words

we had

fitting,

suffered.

recognizing our status

that

He

his

warmed our

filled

At

last

with true compassion for the

somebody was

as victims.

At

last

there to rehabili-

someone understood,

hearts.

told us of his audience with the

261

King which had taken

place a

TWENTY YEARS

few days

my

me up

us with

wamith and

daughter and told the lawyer that he

as his

himself, given

me my

thrashing and laughed

first

pranks.

first

this

Ill

me

considered

had brought at

PRISON

The King had spoken of

earlier.

He

passion.

IN

unfortunate

along with

affair,

was, he claimed, his only sore point,

I

Abdellatif over

little

whom

he

also

tormented himself

moved by my filial relationship with He had been unaware of that chapter of my past.

Maitre Kiejman seemed sovereign.

the

'You know, Malika, during our three-hour conversation, your

name cropped up over and over

again. His Majesty

is

very fond of

you.'

We

were

much more

all

Majesty's concern for us, but

The

it,

we

King

law^^er asked the

against

sceptical

but he reftised to

than he was regarding His

kept our thoughts to ourselves.

to release us.

aDow

us

to

The monarch was not leave

France.

for

His

arguments appeared somewhat specious. His Majesty was afraid that a

member of the Moroccan community It

seemed

to us that Maitre

in France

might

try to kill us.

Kiejman conveyed the King's

fears

with a

certain irony.

was able to come out with the rejoinder:

Besides, he

'Your Majesty, the Oufkirs want to emigrate to Canada.'

The King

feigned surprise.

sending us to

Israel.

He

thought for

a while,

His logic was irrefutable.

My

then suggested

father's

memory

was respected there because he enabled thousands of Moroccan Jews to emigrate to Israel after the Six

Day War

in 1968.

His Majesty simply omitted to add that he would be exiling us to a

country taUst

at

who

war,

where we would be

at

the

mercy of any fundamen-

could be brainwashed into getting rid of us.

Maitre Kiejman sensed

this

was

a trap.

He

argued against

it

for

all

he was worth.

At the end of the audience, he obtained assurances from His Majesty that

The King to

we would

didn't

want

receive our passports and visas for Canada.

to hear of us again, but in

keep quiet about what Maitre Kiejman gave

Our lawyer had

we had Hved

his

exchange

we were

through.

promise on our behalf

another message for me. Alain Delon had called

262

MARRAKESH

him and

assured

him of his

and pay

financially

however, that the actor would not take

was

greatly

forgotten me.

we had

ready to help us

Maitre Kiejman added,

sides poUtically.

He

had

still

Morocco.

interests in I

He was

friendship for us.

the legal costs if necessary.

comforted by

message. So, Alain hadn't

this veiled

He had no doubt

received one of the Httle pamphlets

number of

written in prison and sent to poHtical figures and a

when we were on

our former acquaintances

the run, in Rabat.

Of all

of them, he was the only one to have come forward, and that

touched

me

Kiejman

to thank

was

It

deeply. Yet

him

for

summer

a torrid

decUned

I

of help, asking Maitre

his offer

me.

Our

that year, but that didn't matter to us.

departure for Canada had been arranged for the end of October, so

we

could

easily

happy, elated and triumphant.

Uves

We

put up with the discomfort of the heat.

We

were going

were

to be able to begin

our

afi-esh.

We were fascinated by the unknown. We We were all going to Uve together on a huge

made

the wildest plans.

ranch

made up of seven

houses, connected by underground passages leading to a games room.

None of us was going

We

would never

to get married but

leave

we'd

all

have

lots

of lovers.

one another. The younger ones would study

and the older ones would work.

We were

From time

to time, the thought that they

with us crossed

my

mind, but

dismissed the idea that

and that

At

last

were

made myself

told, as always, at the last

barely a wrinkle

on

still

as

He

minute.

handsome

his face.

Only

it,

and could not stop weeping for

a

come and

to

just as

be

I

true,

We

and dignified with

brimming

all

see us.

arrived on 10 October. At

as ever, tall

his

had ravaged him. Seeing us

He embraced Mother,

banish

free.

grandfather was given permission to

seventy-two he was

grief that

I

might want to do away

was impossible, too good

this

all

we would never be

my

our usual fashion.

fantasizing again in

eyes betrayed the

together, he burst into tears

long time.

then kissed us

with great affection mixed with an

263

all

in turn

infinite

and looked

sadness.

at us

He seemed

TWENTY YEARS

Doubdess he

defeated.

young

We that

lump

a

a child

I

—

say Baba

as a result

we were

that

of our ordeal.

ghosts in his eyes.

understood, on seeing him,

all

throat but

couldn't cry, or even say his name.

I

had nicknamed him Baba

my

father's death,

I

name had

Hadj, and that

el

could no longer bring myself to

me

daddy. This block created a distance between

and the

man.

was

It

my

in

But since

elderly

saw

And we

and our

a sorry sight

still

divided us from the world of the living.

still

stuck.

I

We

return was a miracle.

had

I

were

had an ancient, hardened look

had changed so much.

Our

As

faces

We

pitied us.

PRISON

IN

a

very emotional

my

had not seen

moment

mother

so

for everybody.

happy

She was very

for a long time.

He had been battling all these years to release us from our terrible fate. He had contacted Amnesty International, the International League for Human Rights and many other organizations. He had written to all the leading pohticians and gone to see Prince Moulay Abdallah, who had authorized him to send us books. He had received no further news of us after Tamattaght. Several times he had believed we were dead, assassinated by bullets. He had been told that Mimi had died from an epileptic fit and that Raouf and I had been shot while trying to escape. One of his friends had fond of her

father.

even declared

He had

own

resigned himself to

He

Bareres'.

We

riage.

mother's corpse

mourning

told us about

had learned

Mamma

that

all

us.

He

The

family criticized

child the

'But,'

We

'I

relatives

my

the four of us at the

Khadija's death, and his remar-

whom

we

did not

he had named

for this choice.

You

know

Raouf

don't give a

new-

living relative.

was so

were touched by

Our

him

name of a

he wept,

Avicenne

at

refrised to believe

from the Bareres. But

he had produced another son,

bom

my

eyes.

Wahid even though he swore he had seen

uncle

that

he had seen

that

hospital with his

this

certain that

you were

way of paying

all

tribute to

dead

.' .

.

our memory.

had suffered considerable harassment since our incar-

ceration. In their day-to-day lives they could not escape surveillance,

phone

tapping, interrogations and

can society closed

its

all

kinds of other nuisance.

doors to them.

264

My

father's family,

Moroc-

packed off

MARRAKESH

where they had been deprived of everything,

into the desert

even worse. People kept away from the Oufkir

He

related

is

to

buy

us

coats, anoraks

and

suitcases

and

warm

boots.

family.

He

clothes.

We

provided us with

also

loved making shopping

and matched the colours.

carefully chose the styles

punctuating

his tears,

great.'

on 27 October, the chief had been

In preparation for our departure, sent

through

this trying to smile

all

almost every sentence with 'God

suffered

We

lists.

were

We like

children around a Christmas tree.

We

were given

away again on

and

identity cards

the eve of our departure.

reinforced the vague sense of anxiety

No

late.

proof

I

how

matter

needed

in

hard

I

but was unable to articu-

felt

I

with myself and see the

tried to reason

the preparations for departure and the attitude

all

of the pohce towards

we would be

Then they were taken That made me uneasy. It

passports.

us,

I

found

allowed to leave.

general excitement, to

I

it

increasingly hard to believe that

was no longer able to share in the

show concern about

or that

this one's hair

one's outfit.

During the

night,

I

woke Mother and

told her of

me

She refused to believe me, and accused

my

suspicions.

of having a warped mind.

She was more naive than me, and often refused to see the bad things. Life at the Palace

to take everything the I

had taught

me

King proposed

mistrust;

understand.

I

knew

of

better than

at face value.

came out of her room despondent, on

Raouf could

I

side

sHpped into

his

the verge of

tears.

Only

room and he hstened

me attentively, sceptical at first, then my arguments He did not sleep a wink, and neither did

to

convinced him.

I.

At seven o'clock

in the

morning, that 27 October,

all

nine of us

stood ready for action, fully kitted out, perfumed, our hair freshly

done and our

suitcases

and bags packed and ready to go. In

were

in travellers' fancy dress, each

next.

We

and

leave.

had forgotten what

Words had

appearances.

We

We

it

lost their

had assumed the

waited anxiously in the

like

simply to board

we were just that we needed to

meaning; parts

265

we

of us more ridiculous than the

was

sitting

fact,

room, Raouf and

I

a

plane

clinging to play.

a Httle

more

TWENTY YEARS

anxious than the others

who

did not suspect anything yet. As far

we would

they were concerned, in a few hours us

.

I

.

PRISON

IN

be

far

as

away. But for

.

glanced

at

He

him.

flashed

me

an anxious smile. Mother inter-

cepted our exchange. Clutching her vanity case, she was paler than

had thought. Had listening to

my

shaken her?

fears

Othman Bouabid,

Allabouch, Superintendent El Haj,

principal

private secretary to Driss Basri, the Minister of the Interior,

They avoided our

chief arrived together.

I

eyes,

and the

and seemed embar-

rassed.

Another glance

at

Raouf

How

were they going

confessing that this departure was just a farce?

It

to set about

would

take

some

imagination.

They

didn't even

need

even more syrupy than 'His Majesty asks

that.

usual.

you

An

The words flowed from

their lips,

ocean of honey.

to wait a Uttle longer

.

.

.

He

has not

completely adjusted to the idea of your departure. Hadja, His Majesty wishes to see you before you leave,' they added, addressing

my

mother.

Once

again our

more long

dream was

and

shattered,

we embarked on

three

years of prison.

A GILDED CAGE 'But, it

Mme

was you

The

Oufkir,

who

situation

game and

you

without seeing His Majesty, since

can't leave

asked to meet him

.' .

.

had backfired against

us.

Mother had played

the

written a letter requesting an audience with the King,

she supposedly wanted to see him, but

it

as

did not achieve the desired

outcome.

There were probably other reasons

Mother had

take legal action against the

Kiejman had

The

for

our aborted departure.

refused to sign the written pledge that

earlier

Moroccan

state, regardless

given to the King that

health problems, nor of the long-term damage. Six

not

of the promise

we would keep

sovereign had perhaps not been aware of the

266

we would

full

quiet.

extent of our

months

after Bir-

MARRAKESH

we were

Jdid,

in

still

poor shape. Four of us had lung

terribly

problems that were Hkely only to get worse.

Was

wise for them to

it

showing us

risk

the world,

to

providing living proof of this flagrant violation of human rights?

Canadian immigration and the press would

We

adverse pubUcity.

would

services

on

seize

it.

realize the state

The King

thus

The

we were

surely didn't

in,

want

this

had to recover our health before being allowed

to face the outside world.

But stiU

to this day,

even with the best health care on

bear the scars of those terrible years.

epileptic

fits,

Maria had bladder cancer,

pneumonia and As

for

infections,

our Abdellatif,

Our lawyer had were

and Soukaina and

it is

above aU

I

earth,

our bodies

continues to have forever getting

is

have

fragile health.

his soul that has

been damaged.

nevertheless beUeved the King's promises right

minute.

tiU the last

Mimi Raouf

to board the

up

He was waiting for us in Casablanca where we plane. Our departure was to be very hush-hush,

but the news was leaked, and representatives of the Moroccan Jewish

community were waiting

come

banners.

The

to greet us at

Montreal airport with wel-

Ministry of Finance had released the

sum of four

million dirhams for us into a Canadian bank account, and

Maitre Kiejman was concerned,

this

money was

as far as

further proof of the

authorities' goodwill.

I'm more incUned to believe that our orchestrated charade. StiU

had to

We

false

The King was not

we

yet even with us, and

pay.

did not see Maitre Kiejman again until a few

the beginning of 1988.

He was

terribly angry.

Morocco

was going to bring an action

against

courts and pointed his fmger at

AUabouch.

'It's

departure was a carefully

your

fault

and

that

He

who do

Soukaina took him aside and asked

if

later, at

declared that he

in the international

of the people puUing the

I'm not used to dealing with people

months

strings

above you.

not keep their word

.' .

.

her suicide could help secure

our freedom. Since our aborted departure on 27 October, she had

been obsessed with railing against a

He

this idea.

Maitre Kiejman sighed, then carried on

regime that crucified innocent children.

ranted and raved for a

good

267

while.

But

his

anger achieved

TWENTY YEARS

nothing.

Nor

few weeks

PRISON

IN

we began

did the hunger strike that

Our

after his visit.

strike lasted

in April 1988, a

We

twenty days.

we were in a very bad state, but we when forced to do so by circumstances.

gave up our

put on drips, struggle only

Again, there was no hope for

we had been

prisoners, as

and

passive

rebellious,

was only thanks

it

regressed.

We

went back

and combative. By way of consolation,

my fate my own efforts.

to

that

had improved I

had no

of having forced him to bend

We

each

We

much.

fell

into our

own

routine.

read, exercised a Httle

and

who moved

with us

in

as

soon

least

I

and

all,

King

we had

the

a Httle.

We

no longer believed

and watched

in

television. Abdellatif

who was

played football with our cousin Hamza,

after

illusions: the

was so powerful and we were so weak ... At satisfaction

being

to

same time resigned

for fifteen years, at the

sometimes reminded myself that

us.

we

After our aborted departure,

had to be

the same age

him

as

he was able to come and see

as

us.

Our

family were allowed to

They were

cost.

impromptu birthdays.

visit

us at weekends, at great personal

routinely searched. But

among

parties

No more

ourselves,

we no

longer organized

other than

at

Christmas and

jolly tea parties or family dinners.

We

each ate

alone, in our rooms.

We

hved

in

our pyjamas, always the same pair that

from being washed over and over longer caring about our appearance.

we

another in the house,

We

again.

w^as threadbare

went

barefoot,

When we bumped

into

no one

repeated the same questions over and over

again:

'When

will

all

this

be over?

However, Marrakesh did

We

never missed the dawn:

nary sensation. All day

when I

night

fell,

received

we

we

When

ditTer it

was

of rebirth, an extraordi-

make

the most of

never tired of switching on the

letters

from

my

old friends but

were

I

it

and,

lights.

couldn't bear their

just long htanies attempting to

of silence and indifference.

268

free us?'

Bir-Jdid, thanks to the Hght.

moment

stayed outside to

excuses, their guilt. Their letters justify fifteen years

from a

going to

are they

I

didn't

want

to revive

MARRAKESH

the past and

had nothing to say to them. Besides, they wouldn't

I

have understood

a thing.

We learned of the death of my my father's brother. We were not

Moulay Hashem,

paternal uncle,

permitted to leave the house to

attend his funeral, even under a heavy escort.

Nnaa, our grand-

mother, had died shortly before our escape. She'd waited for us

long

with

she could, but did not have the joy of seeing us again.

as

We

as

kept dozens of pets, stray

us. Still

cats

and dogs

Emotionally and sexually

we

frustrated,

impulses and desires. During those

on them. our sHghtest

to repressing

months

first six

let

overwhelming

transferred our

we had grown accustomed

slept

did not

ten cats and three dogs.

craving for love onto our pets, lavishing affection In prison

we

traumatized by the death of our pigeons,

them out of our bedrooms. Soon we had

and

that lived, ate

in Marrakesh,

we

had half-opened the door to our emotions and lowered our defences. After our

departure,

false

we

had done during our enforced

We

existence. for us to

felt

each other that

But

we would

Nothing

conditions. struggle

it.

at

We

isolation.

around

Hfe pulsating

be part of

tried to steel ourselves again as

that

little

and

us,

was

it

would

inaccessible.

artificial

take so

We

little

often

tell

never have survived fifteen years in those

all

was preferable by

to

far

this

'almost';

was better than resignation.

After being given a whiff of freedom,

square one with the awful feeHng that continually relived our escape.

about

were leading an

we

I

it

we were

almost back to

would never be

was haunted by

it.

I

for us.

I

had nightmares

it.

Our

The

treatment became harsher.

police had

room. Raouf discovered the microphones hidden ripped

them

bugged the

in the fireplace

out. In retaliation, they scrambled the

service broadcasts

on

TV

5

when

there were

sitting

and

French foreign

programmes

about Morocco. Security around us was stepped up.

that talked I

was not

permitted certain books on the Russian Revolution and Nazi Ger-

many

that

We

still

video.

We

I

had requested.

had

a vestige

Of course

Why?

I

have no

of humour.

We

idea.

ordered The Great Escape on

our request was refused.

thought of digging another tunnel for another escape. The

269

TWENTY YEARS

m

earth

the garden was soft, but

didn't have.

We

PRISON

IN

would

it

even played with the idea of having

landing in the field

on the other

side

we

require an energy that

of the

We

wall.

a Httle

sent

plane

one of our

aunts to investigate.

The thought of escaping helped

we

us

cHng

weren't yet completely dead or buried

We

were

suited

in

still

Marrakesh

King very

the

at

well.

It

proved to us

that

alive.

the outbreak of the

him

permitted

mediator for the Arab countries, and political prisoners, the

to hope,

try to

Gulf War, which

to

make

act

the

of

role

the world forget the

innumerable disappearances, the prison camps

and the violations of human

rights

—

the other facet of a ruthless

sovereign. In nearly twenty years of detention,

we had acquired the habit of own situation. Was this

analysing external events in relation to our

war good

for us or not?

It

didn't

make an

of difference to our

iota

fate.

A

year

later,

Moroccan

book

in 1991, Gilles Perrault's

Friend the King)

was published

in

France.

Notre ami

We

le

judging from the outcry up and

television and,

roi

{Our

learned this from

down

the

country, His Majesty was not happy with this book. According to the

media, the government and the people were behind Hassan

We

were asked

our support to

to lend

this great cause.

II.

We

were

to

write a letter criticizing Perrault and stating loud and clear that His

Majesty was not only a great ruler but that he had an exceptional character.

Allabouch and Bouabid claimed that the enemies of the kingdom

were behind

this

Georges Kiejman. selves

from

book, spearheaded by Danielle Mitterrand and

We

lawyer

a

were expected publicly

who

dared attack the King.

to disassociate our-

The

letter

would be

published in Le Figaro.

Despite countless ploys to avoid writing to

obey them

in the end, but

it

this letter,

was published only

we were forced much later. Was

the hour of liberation nigh?

They gave in

Morocco,

us Perrault's so that

we

book

to read,

even though

could see for ourselves.

270

It

it

was banned

was so violently

MARRAKESH

King

anti the

outsider,

on

effect

its

Frenchman

a

King and

that

me

was Hke

had the temerity to

to boot,

d'etat.

An

criticize

the

coup

a third

and to condemn, without qualms and without

to accuse

compromise. What's more, the book was

Our

pure hearsay.

full

of inaccuracies giving credence to

was covered in the chapter

captivity

entitled 'Iron

Masks', and so was our escape. But, in addition to the inaccuracies, implausibihties, omissions

many

and

others had done, that

fabrications, Perrault insinuated, as so

we

could not have escaped on our own.

In his view, a corrupt gaoler, or even several, could have helped us

from the years

outside.

was

us,

this escape,

He

daggers.

For

whose only source of pride

twenty

accomphshed unaided, those words were Uke

mitigated his theory, however, by concluding that

had indeed been the

case,

Even more

hurtful

Mother

was married to

still

were the personal

'exhibited a fondness for

my

if that

they would not have allowed us to wander

around the country without money or support

Perrault,

in nearly

father.

On

.

.

.

According to

attacks.

young

officers'

when

she

knew nothing of

the other hand, he

the circumstances of the divorce, got the dates wrong, the causes, the events,

Hassan

and even claimed Mother had had an II

himself.

He

added, without proof, on hearsay, that 'the

whole of Rabat was whispering daughter'.

A

another one, with

affair,

'revelation' that

was the King's

[Soukaina]

that

my

profoundly distressed

little sister

for

a long time.

Nor was

my

I

immune from

mother's footsteps.

My

gossip.

According to him,

father turned a blind eye:

to it.' The book was peppered From having lived inside the Palace,

tomed

on and

I

followed in

'He was accus-

with similar insinuations.

flatterers,

I

did not affect me.

mother and

my

was used to

On

gossip.

the other hand,

brothers and

sisters,

Perrault could have mistaken gossip for

then,

all

his

amid the hangers-

Coming from Moroccans, what hurt me, what hurt was

that

fact.

He

nity to write a properly researched book,

more than

later,

a

man hke

my

Gilles

missed the opportu-

and that upset

misinformation. There was so

it

much

me much

to disclose that

he should not have contented himself with reproducing hearsay. The truth

would have amply

sufficed to bring

271

down

the despot.

TWENTY YEARS

But he did have the courage to It

and

was the

PRISON

criticize the

King.

time that anybody had attacked the King openly,

first

was enough

that alone

IN

for us to refuse to take

any action that

might hami Perrault.

was

Besides, he 'In the

actually defending us despite his nasty intimations:

name of what

strange

morahty can anyone

of torture on innocent children? the world that

Is

there a penal code

makes the children pay

Let us render unto Caesar

.

.

anywhere

in

for the crimes of the father?'

No

.

inflict fifteen years

doubt

we

are greatly indebted

to him.

THE END OF THE TUNNEL Allabouch, Bouabid and the Walli, the Governor of Marrakesh, came

back to see us

them were

middle of February 1991. Conversations with

in the

like a

game of

Each player advanced

chess.

according to what their adversary

said,

about every word before replying. Subtly,

would

ladle

out

When we

a

we

pawn

thought carefully

smaU dose

at a

time, they

few measures of information, passing judgement.

a

had

certain bitterness

and

his

first

arrived in Marrakesh, they'd told us with a

and anger that

we

could be proud of ourselves.

escape was to have far greater political repercussions than

Our

we had

imagined.

'Thanks to the

stir

created by your escape, the international press

going to be increasingly interested in the

Morocco,' Bouabid had

That

day,

fate

is

of political prisoners in

stated.

our guardian angels

and began to chat about

settled themselves

down on

this

and

me

about feminism to wind

was

all

that,

dwelling

at

length

a divan

on minor

things.

The Governor

teased

enjoyed provoking me.

It

very good-natured, but

understand what they were leading up

to.

me we

up.

He

couldn't

For nearly three hours

we

had been talking about nothing.

Then Bouabid looked

at

me

and

tional tone:

'YOU ARE

FREE.'

272

said point-blank, in a conversa-

MARRAKESH

The bomb exploded But

had no

it

our

at

on

effect

feet.

us.

We couldn't, or wouldn't, understand. We carried on talking as if we hadn't heard. Bouabid and the Governor looked

Allabouch,

We

dumbfounded.

were on another

planet, light years

grasping the meaning of their words.

we

however, for

each

at

We

away from

a little

felt

other,

ease,

at

ill

did sense that something bizarre was happening.

'For God's sake,' yelled Allabouch, 'you've been waiting for this

moment

for eighteen

are free,

Free?

you! Free

tell

I

What

prisoners,

liberty

from

us so

we had

took us

a

your reaction? You

that's

.

The

instant, just as

King's goodwill

Were we being

.

plunging back into our old

PubHc opinion had put

.

.

taken for

a ride again?

little

words 'you

of hunted convicts.

state

didn't dare speak or look at

good while

an end?

at

had been taken

it

properly digested them, those three

We

we had been

earlier

being told that our ordeal was

years earHer.

did not react.

It

.

telling the truth?

are free' sent us

We

.

now we were

many

and

!'

had been granted in an

Were they Before

a half years,

word mean? One second

did that

and

Our

and

one another.

King had pardoned

to grasp that the

us.

on him, and the Americans and the

pressure

French had intervened on our behalf

When

I

recovered the power of speech,

I

asked them

why

they

had taken so long to teU us the news. 'For

some time now we've been having meeting

find the best

of the blue, Free ...

way of breaking

it

was very

so,

to you.

it

difficult,

we were

longer had a home, and

free

.

we

.

us like

want

we had we

very few friends got to Rabat?

'Take your time,' they

you

Only

tell

to

you out

to go?

left.

Were

We

no

What were

they going to

unwanted baggage? said,

'and

first

get used to the idea that

are free, thanks to His Majesty's generosity.

fetch

meeting

to kill you.'

But where were we

.

they going to do with us once

dump

We

didn't

after

couldn't just

We

will

you

come back

to

in a week.'

after their departure did

express our joy.

But

at

we

kiss

one another and boisterously

the same time our delight was strangely

273

TWENTY YEARS

detached.

Free

.

.

We

PRISON

IN

were wildly happy on the outside and empty

.

A week

was not too long for us to become acclimatized to the

Already the hours ot the day were no longer the same.

idea.

inside.

no longer shone no longer

same way, and

in the

it

The sun

from before:

set differently

it

on the prospect of another day even bleaker than the

rose

last.

The

Our on

came back

sky was bluer, nature

senses sharpened.

now saw

I

life

to

in

our appetites returned.

life,

Cinemascope, and no longer

a tiny screen.

We

were

people whose sight had suddenly been re-

like blind

stored, with

the anxieties and fears that can bring.

all

make up

'I'm going to

with women,' said

for lost time

'I'm going to study music,'

mused Soukaina,

Raouf

'and meet Patricia

Kaas.'

'Become

a

professional footballer,' shouted Abdellatif

'Get married, and have a child,'

And what talk,

about me?

make

laugh, sing,

in advertising

And why

.

.

not

.

wanted

I

to love, travel,

films, study,

sit

on

blushing.

go for walks,

the terrace of a cafe,

eat,

work

not necessarily in that order.

all at

the same time?

Then immediately we went

Would we be

into a panic.

too late? As each day passed, the

cope? Wasn't

it

and the more

we were

To comfort

murmured Mimi

•

afraid

ourselves,

we

of feeUng

more

afraid

able to

we

felt,

afraid.

concentrated on packing our suitcases

and belongings.

Our told

family

came

to see us as usual at the

them anything about our impending

My cards.

aunt Mawakit,

who

is

a

She had always seen that

medium,

We

weekend.

hadn't yet

release.

regularly used to read our

we would be

released

one

day, but

she had not been able to give the date. That Saturday, she took the tarot cards

and asked

me

to cut the pack with

announced without any preliminaries 'You're useless as a

that

medium, Mawakit,'

274

my

left

hand. She then

our release was imminent. I

said

with

a

shrug. 'We've

MARRAKESH

been prisoners

for four

and

a half years,

and

I

don't see

why

that

should change now.'

The more adamant assured

me

she

that the cards

the truth, implored

became the more

I

argued against

were never wrong, begged

Mother and

the others.

We

all

me

it.

She

to teU her

remained poker-

faced.

We

kept up

admitted what 'We're

free,

this little I still

game

found

Mawakit.

it

for nearly

two hours, and then

difficult to express:

Free.'

275

1

finally

STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

A

OUR So,

we were

free.

word over and over

After saying the

dreaming about certain that

FIRST STEPS

for

it

twenty

we knew what

it

years,

again in our minds, after

day and night,

we were no

longer

meant.

Free means going out in the street without having the police

your

at

heels.

For the next

five years

we would

be followed, watched, kept

under close surveillance and our phones tapped. Free means being allowed to work. I

who managed to fmd a proper job employer who defied the taboos.

was the only one

thanks to a brave

Free means associating with

you

please,

Our affairs

Morocco,

please, loving

whoever

going wherever you please.

friends

were

all

interrogated by the secret services; our love

with foreigners were forbidden.

Our But

whoever you

in

passports all

were not returned

the same

And we

we were

took our

first

free

steps

.

.

to us. .

back into the world on 26 February

1991.

•

•

276

•

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

I

put

a great deal

the world: a pair of jeans, a man's blazer.

was anxious

I

They

sensed that

outfit for re-entering

cravat

shirt, a

and

a

navy-blue

waited patiently and calmly in their

was an important moment.

it

silk

charm and seduce freedom. The

to please,

suitcases stood ready, the pets

cages.

my

of thought into choosing

A

historic

moment.

we

For once

A

services.

There was

No

tion.

eagerly awaited the arrival of the police and the secret

convoy of

crowd of people,

a

doubt that

one hour than

what

is

we had

opened, and so did It

and vans drew up outside our house.

cars

my

noise,

it

to

is

comings and goings,

be

free:

seen in twenty years.

The garden

in

gates

heart.

was an unforgettable feeHng.

They would never

We

close

clambered into the

jumbled

my

in

on

us again.

and the convoy

cars

mind, the noises, the

set off

smells,

Everything was

the colours and the

excitement of the moment. At

last

or dread, quite the opposite.

was fascinated by every

on

commo-

more people

seeing

the streets:

two

1

I

could look out without sadness

lovers holding hands, a

detail

of

life

mother accompanied by

her daughter, a dog frisking about, a bird ahghting on a branch. All this

We

would soon belong

our

legs. Full

before

we

I

know

to play

accepted their

offer.

walked into the

cafe,

stumbled.

I

didn't

we

of misgivings,

were they going

As

me.

stopped in a small town and were asked

stretch trick

to

on

I

know how

us

felt

to

giddy.

It

I

tripped

it

with

Httle

Excuse me, In this bar

seemed too

wanted

dirty

how do you

a step

fact

didn't

walk? Put one

over and over again? it

I

and

How

do

into a glass and

murmurs of satisfaction?

how do you live? where we hned up

bright, the

to get

on

walk any more. In

it

what

to

took endless persuasion

stand at a bar, casually order a Coca-Cola, pour

drink

we wanted

refused to budge:

now?

anything any more. Excuse me,

foot in front of the other and repeat

you

if

like

docile prisoners, the lights

music too aggressive.

back into the

We

felt

hunted.

We

cars.

The journey from Marrakesh

to

Rabat took three hours, which

277

I

TWENTY YEARS

PRISON

IN

spent looking eagerly out ot the window.

my own

mations Morocco had undergone with escaped, then tVom watching films and

could observe

amazed

at this

arrive.

urged the driver to go

At

I

last

TV

eyes, first

surge of affection

felt

I

me.

inside

Wahid's house. The whole family dressed

milk and dates to welcome

us.

my

Moroccan costume

in full

were

me,

that

moved. But

I

legs

know

I

People came flocking to see

were offered

to the

forgotten us.

And who

wanted

me

of

took

a step

wanted had

Like

at a

to

come with

terrified her. In

twenty years

we

had not

three days

Loyal to the

The minute

hilt,

she caught

she rushed towards me, while

me

my

that the expression

had become

I

who

two or

backwards. Fearful of reconnecting with

to run away. Later she told

of people.

full

to see us.

first visitors.

us into exile. stairs,

was

I

any emotion.

loved us and

the same had waited for

the top of the

at

doubt

market or an exhibition,

who

was among the

friend Houria

No

to embrace.

from the Palace before coming

for permission

sight

us.

have

I

were hugging me,

was constantly

crowds of people all

buckled under me.

passive, unable to express

In the following days the house

she had

with great sadness.

that people

went from embrace

was strangely

I

my

car,

forgotten what happened next.

My

filled

out

set

moment of

a

erased.

from the

alighted

kissing

uncle

years cannot be erased in five ininutes.

They can never be I

was

couldn't wait to

I

ought to have been

It

joy, but their expressions, like ours,

As

I

I

was standing on the doorstep. According to custom, they had

Twenty

I

now

faster.

convoy reached Rabat, and drew up outside

the

when

broadcasts, but

changes with an enthusiastic eye.

these

all

had noticed the transfor-

I

a stranger.

youth,

on

my

As

all

I

I

face

these

people had become strangers to me. Sitting in

a

chair,

I

watched them

file

past,

and

I

could not

understand why nearly everyone started crying at the sight of us. Had we changed so much? Aged so much? Were we in such a bad state? I

felt as

though

I

had been drugged.

dark room. That wasn't possible.

we were the

first

all

few

crowded nights,

I

I

wanted

My

into the living

be alone, shut up in

uncle's apartment

room

wasn't able to close

278

to

my

a

was tiny and

downstairs to sleep. For eyes.

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

Wahid

insisted that

journalists milling

we

but It

me

my

asked

I

uncle to open

gently

How

could

confront

I

this

don't

opened

for

it

you do

it

yourself? You're free now.'

and ventured

a fraction

it

grey blur and

I

make out

couldn't

a glance outside.

the passers-by,

cars,

a thing.

came over dizzy and nearly passed

out.

My

I

me

frightened

It

Every-

was aU

it

to wait a Httle longer before facing the outside world.

prison.

I

me.

thing was fuzzy, the pavements, the

more than

horde?

three days to muster the courage to go to the door.

why

'Kika,

out? There were crowds of

around outside the house demanding interviews,

refused to speak to them.

took

Go

go out.

I

I

a

even

needed

brothers,

on the other hand, went out immediately. Allabouch and Bouabid, our 'guardian

day in the

late

afternoon.

They

sat in

and asked Wahid to pour them an

angels',

the living

aperitif

dropped in every

room Hke

old friends

They attempted

to coax

and

us out of our state of shock, chatting about this and that, joking

make

trying to

How

us laugh.

could our former torturers change so radically?

our persecutors or our benefactors? the solution to

detail.

by the

We

answer in our

to

They were very nervous

tolerate

stead.

that

They

we were

to

have

lives in their

advised us

on

being hounded

it.

we were wrong. We

obeyed them, but

the journalists and used the media bear.

But

we

that.

We

were

terror,

They seemed

torn.

they

and didn't want us to give interviews. His Majesty

press,

would not

was

our problems, to hold the key to our

They wanted

hands.

every

all

I

Were

as a

should have spoken to

means of bringing pressure

to

couldn't rid ourselves of our prisoners' reflexes just Hke afraid.

We

would

feel that irrational, uncontrollable

and the shame that goes with

it,

as

long

we

as

stayed in

Morocco.

The pohce kept whether the guards

us

company day and

who

never

or keep us under surveillance. all

left

A

we

We

weren't sure

our side were there to protect us

chaufieur was placed

the better to keep track of our

wherever

night.

movements.

We

at

our

disposal,

were foUowed

went, our telephone conversations were tapped, and they

interrogated anyone

who came

into contact with us. Free, us?

279

TWENTY YEARS

Maitre Kiejnian phoned us soon

come and

not to

see us?

PRISON

our

after

Was he

arrival.

There was no further

we were

ately after his call,

IN

advised

hnmedi-

sign of him.

had ordered our

told that His Majesty

property and belongings to be returned to us and that two leading

Moroccan

would be

lawyers, Maitre Naciri and Maitre El Andalouss,

acting for us.

The two

big names

came

were

to see us separately. If they

beheved, everything was going to be resolved very quickly;

needed

returned to

us.

We we

the other, and

drew up

waited

as

that inventory,

they suggested.

My

aunt offered us her apartment.

and

all

our

pets.

We

first

We

with one, then with

are

still

waiting.

moved in with my sister Maria seldom went out, and when we did we hugged I

We

were

footsteps

were

the walls, afraid to walk in the centre of the pavement.

scared of the

light,

the

hesitant.

We

which

what happened

is

that the

in the

cross the street.

was able

I

for myself

my own

or a train on

and

It

in Paris,

sometimes panic

I

I

to

go further than the other

visit

long time.

crowd or

no longer have any

of the

lose

I

have

marvelled

is

at

a

into a sudden

I

1

it

sleep,

and

eat

had no meaning

how to organize it. have no morning An hour can last for days or for minutes. I

understanding other people's time, their hurry or

their slowness, their time constraints.

Rebirth

take a taxi

continued to

I

my release from prison, still my way on a journey know by

no longer knew

difficulty

had

spatial awareness.

or afternoon, no boundaries. I

I

bearings.

have had to learn everything anew. To walk,

me, and

patch

city,

would break out

I

my

eight years after

in a

districts

little

in unfamiliar areas,

express myself For years time had just flowed by, for

staring at us,

was our way of celebrating freedom.

sweat and have difficulty getting

heart.

whole world was

end because we looked so weird. But

and walk

suffer panic attacks for a

Even

Our

cars.

point of honour to get dressed up and put on make-up,

when

marked out

and the

noise

were convinced

a

it

even just to Later,

we

do was make an inventory and everything would be

to

we made

to be all

strange feeling. At

I still

first

I

can't

manage

sometimes

the sky, the sun, the light, noise,

280

felt

it.

overloaded.

movement

—

it

I

all

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

and exhausted me.

thrilled

could not go out for

I

without feeling giddy. Then

I

became

bolder.

I

whole day

a

would

stop in a cafe

and order a drink, go into a restaurant or a shop, go to the market, drive

.

.

these activities cost

.

pleasure.

I

a

is

miracle that intoxicates me.

every morning like a

isn't

new

And

pleasure.

yet

who

those

I

want more.

am

listening to the

when

I

somebody who

has spent their entire Ufe

my

hfe during

a thousand times more intense.

who

are free.

I

to join in.

learned to reflect

Today everything seems

was

I

mean

1

nothing

that

my inner my thinking

those years? In prison,

all

thousand times richer than that of

a

all

'wasn't alive', than

sound of a fairground without being able

was going on in was

keenly aware of

not more profound,

I

wasn't part of the action, certainly, but does that

Hfe

greet

I

rushed around in vain during that time?

often compare myself to

I

I

Am

that just playing a role?

all

carrying the burden of those twenty years all

me immense

Getting dressed, wearing make-up, laughing, having

Hfe's artifices.

—

but gave

a great effort

savoured every second of freedom.

Each day

fun

me

a lot

others,

and

more aware than people

on the meaning of Hfe and to

artificial

me.

I

can't take

death.

anything

seriously.

Abdellatif

became very

cut short his studies in

night,

was

women,

his best

Canada

My Httle

wild oats together.

had a

refusal to I

He seemed

happy.

at

Hamza

fHend.

tried to

different views

love and

their

brother was learning to Hve: going out

music, dancing, cafes ...

and Raouf

bhnd

be with him. They sowed

to

Mimi

Soukaina painted and wrote; health,

Hamza, who

close to his beloved cousin

on

come

make up

struggled

for lost

For me,

this subject.

improve her

women.

this relentless

to terms with things.

was waiting for

to

time with

I

We

search was

beheved only

in true

it.

Mother could count her old friends on the fingers of one hand. In society circles people avoided us; our years,

nobody had dared

terrible sanctions.

was

as if

we were

utter

it

People had put dead.

Our

name aroused

fear.

For twenty

the risk of incurring the most

at it

so far

from

their

minds

that

it

resurrection perturbed them.

Most of them reduced our ordeal

281

to

something negHgible. Twenty

TWENTY YEARS

we were

Our

We

in

still

one

were accused,

we

weren't

but they insinuated

as

guilty,

his heirs?

much. They

Nobody

.

.

had only got said

enemies of the monarchy.

to

it

our close

said so to

.

piece.

father, the executioner, the traitor, the regicide,

his just deserts. Besides, faces,

on, that wasn't so bad

and physically

alive,

still

PRISON

come

years of 'house arrest', in a 'castle',

After aU,

IN

We

our

friends.

were an

embarrassment.

For

my

half after leaving Marrakesh, all

which

thirty-eighth birthday,

celebrated a

I

month and

a

received four hundred postcards from

I

over the world. People had learned of our release through

Am-

way of demonstrating

their

nesty International, and this was their sohdarity. I

was touched and angered

we needed

in prison that free

we

Too

need

didn't

future. All this

the same time.

It

these tokens of friendship.

was our overriding

Too

feeling.

Too

Our

late for life.

moments of profound despondency. Wouldn't

A

late for love, for

elation gave

it

way

have been better

our

after

release,

Raouf and

I

were taken

to if

to the latest

trendy nightclub in Rabat, Amnesia. That evening Hassan

Crown

private

rosy

died?

few weeks

son.

a

late.

friendship and for family.

we had

we were Now we were

was when

any more, especially not wishes for

it

came too

that

late,

at

Prince Sidi

Muhammad, and

booth with some of

were

his sisters

On

their entourage.

II's

eldest

sitting in a

seeing us, they

invited us to join them. I

having to

I

was

grateful to

bow down

become an

adult,

but

to kiss I

through him, the King I

He was nine when we were me the humiliation of his hand. He might have changed and still picture the child had known and,

had known the Prince from

imprisoned.

could

whom

was moved and so was

us that his house

be there to help

Then he words

birth.

him

for sparing

I

he resembled

he. His sincere

would always be open

us.

We

could knock on

words touched

to us, his

called over his private secretary,

in his presence.

282

closely. us.

He

told

and he would always

door

at

any hour.

and repeated those same

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

'But the past

the past,' he added. 'You must look forward, not

is

back on what you have been through.'

He made no behind him,

allusion to his father. Princess Lalla

pale and shaken as

as

we

Meriem stood

were, but she did not say

anything.

News of our meeting was

all

A

article

seemed convinced the Oufkir children

me

towards

and

of the King's to

strategy

journalist, the

King had

settle

sent his

was not hard to guess

It

From now on

his circle's reaction.

The author

in Le Monde.

they avoided

met.

to lunch

and

urdike him,

was

I

Mina

still

huge

a

down

wanted

also

I

make

able to

my

remained

on

willingly accepted.

had repressed deep

I

perhaps not quite dead.

Lalla

I

Seeing her again was to reclaim

her.

feeHngs that

stables

new

a

it

encounter with Lalla Mina took place soon afterwards. She

invited

who

was

that this

about

scouts to attempt a reconciliation.

as

when we

My

over Rabat.

According to the

affair.

Muhammad

Sidi

us

was an

little later there

I

my

inside

no animosity

felt

childhood, rekindle

me, but which were

to prove to the

a distinction

King

that,

between him, the man

enemy, and the other members of his

family.

the Villa Yasmina. She had also built a

Uved

at

estate

on the

of Rabat, not

outskirts

Dar-es-Salem Palace. Riding was

still

far

from the

her great passion. She had

revived racing in Morocco, and had built riding schools.

To join

many

her,

had to

famUiar faces

surprised: so I

1

caught

I

who

I

foot.

stopped and greeted me.

I

I

recognized

was pleasantly

hadn't been altogether forgotten.

my

first

ghmpse of her through

though she had changed Uttle girl

on

cross half the estate

a lot,

I

a plate-glass door.

Al-

immediately saw the shadow of the

had known. This large

woman

in

jodhpurs had the same

smUe, the same facial expressions and the same mischievous eyes. felt

I

very emotional.

When

the Princess caught sight of me, she

stood there for

towards me.

a

came out of her

office,

few seconds without speaking, and walked slowly

Then

she quickened her step and finally broke into a

run and flung herself into

my

arms. She

283

hugged

me

very tight and

TWENTY YEARS

took

my

PRISON

hand. She said nothing for a few minutes and then she

managed

to blurt out:

you

'Kika, are I

IN

well?'

followed her into her

more shaken up than

office,

admit to myself. That voice, that walk waves.

Our

She gave orders

We

that

.

.

we were

'What

me

a

past

came back

in

Mamaya and

Then

each other, unable to speak. She

and

for a long time

I

My

held her gaze.

but

tears

I

eyes were

could see her

lip

she turned round and banged the table with her

was fist:

disgrace to our family.'

She questioned Despite

The

not to be disturbed, and closed the at

brimming. She held back her trembling.

.

.

stood there, looking

stared at

.

to

laughter, our games, Zazate, the parties,

even the dreadful Rieffel

door.

.

wanted

I

my

me

closely,

know everything. now knew unchanged,

wanting to

affection for her,

which

1

I

remained cautious. I

was too well acquainted with her milieu not to be aware

anything

I

said

would be

'Answer me,' she that each

repeated,

said,

'is

it

commented on and

true they killed

For

life,

talked for a long time. She gave

years, she told

behalf,

your pigeons? True

day they killed two or three?'

So she knew everything about our

We

that

dissected.

me,

which did not

me. She was

each religious holiday she had slipped in a arranged to do

when he went

it

.

.

.

of various people.

King's wife, had pleaded on our

Latifa, the

surprise

day to day

me news a

very brave

word

in

On

woman.

our favour. She

to see his granddaughter,

whom

he

had named Soukaina.

The King was

so besotted with the child that

sentenced to death,

it

to obtain a pardon.

above

all

heartstrings, but I

left

my

about

was enough

On

in his presence

would speak

to

brother Abdellatif She hoped to tug

see

my

childhood friend again, but

her house. Carried away by I

name

at

him his

he remained obdurate.

was happy to

much? Had

to utter her

these occasions, Latifa

when somebody was

thrown caution

LaUa Mina often invited

my joy

at

felt

uneasy

seeing her, had

I

as

I

said too

to the winds?

me

over.

284

She wanted

to reintroduce

me

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

into the circles

and then

often,

which were no longer mine. I

Life has driven a

mous

wedge between

affection for her.

used to be,

my

I

still

half-sister

and

us,

but

continue to

I

visit less

my

companion I

feel

enor-

and teenager she

see her as the child

more resentment towards her than once loved

decided to

I

stopped going altogether.

in loneliness.

I

do towards any of those

bear no

whom

I

the Palace.

at

ERIC Clearly,

Morocco

didn't

was impossible

It

want

for us to

us.

work.

am

I

indebted to the obstinacy

and courage of Nureddin Ayouche, head of Shem's advertising

me

agency, for giving

a

pressure, the nuisance or the poHce.

him

He was

proper job. I

not deterred by the

spent three years working with

and learning the profession of production manager.

My

first

pay

packet was for Mother.

Mimi

daughter, Nawel, was

go

bom

in

Geneva, but

my

Not without boy, Michael, is

November

difficulty,

who

helping her

Raouf became

1994.

first

The

Maria managed to adopt an adorable

come back

to

a

was

Hahma

aU, she

is

Uttle

Achoura Uves with her

bears the Oufkir name.

raise the child.

Of us

cancer.

child

smile.

returned to her

but complained that nobody understood her. She

from

Their

brother was unable to obtain permission to

to Switzerland to see her

and

in

cameraman.

a

Tarda came into the world in September 1993.

father:

bom

She married

achieved her dream.

is

own

family

wasting away

the most deeply scarred. She has

now

Hve with Mother.

Soukaina composes songs, writes and blossomed. She applied for a passport, but

A few female

paints. it

was

Her

talents

refused.

friends helped us survive ostracism, loneUness

lack of freedom. Soundous, Neila,

have

Nawel and Sabah,

whom

and the I

finally

tracked down, surrounded us with their love, without worrying about

being

tailed,

One

interrogated and, above

certainty helped

me

to

all,

incurring pubUc disapproval.

keep going:

the rest of my Hfe in Morocco.

285

I

would not be spending

TWENTY YEARS

• In spring 1995

was invited

I

remembered him: kind and decorations.

•

wedding of a

to the

me

She asked

values

risy, artificial

who was

me

women

feel

I

of the usually

I

ease.

at

ill

as

still

to take charge

knowing why.

avoided these society receptions. They made hated those dolled-up

Mia. She was

friend,

had seen again, and loyal.

without reaUy

accepted

I

•

whom we

marrying Kamil,

PRISON

IN

I

dripping with jewellery, their hypoc-

—money, power,

success

—and

their

contempt

for

ordinary people.

Three young men,

of the bride, arrived from

friends

same evening they would be

were aU very

guests

at

the wedding.

Paris.

That

The unmarried female young men were

excited, whispering that the

handsome, inteUigent and

.

.

.

They

eligible.

paid a

visit to

the bride-

to-be that afternoon.

While the

adding

a layer

I

at

the

had

I

round

my

hands

full,

which

them

He was

in particular.

man was

want

with

didn't

I

a relationship

tall

me

from

eye.

and smiling, with

mischievous eyes. But

spectacles framing his kind,

couldn't even dream of it. That

me.

didn't prevent

newcomers out of the comer of my

noticed one of

small

my

on with

got

I

with the photographer and the decorator,

details

of paint, dealing with the tablecloths, the flowers and

the hangings ...

glancing

on them,

lavished attention

girls

work, discussing

I

not and never would be for

Frenchman when

a

I

wasn't

allowed out of the country. Besides, one of the guests had already

made

him.

a beeline for

Around

eight o'clock

The phone

kaftan.

be herself

I

I

went home

On

rang.

girlfriends, a clairvoyant

didn't stand a chance.

I

to

my

change into

the other end of the line was

when

ceremonial

one of my

the fancy took her. She didn't

seem

to

found her strangely excited.

'Kika, you've

met him, you've met him

.' .

.

'Met who?'

'You

know

very well

who

my

cards

I'm talking about

man from

.

I've seen

him

across the sea.

The

.

.

hundreds of times

in

man of your

He's here, you've seen him but you didn't notice

Hfe.

.

.

.

the

him. You're going to see him again

No

matter

how

hard

I

this

evening.'

reasoned with myself, saying

286

it

was

all

A STRANGE KIND OF FREEDOM

nonsense,

beHeve

my

arrived at the party intrigued,

I

my

This wedding was

her.

sumptuously

first real

and bejewelled

attired

and made up. But

girls,

didn't matter to

it

heart racing, ready to

Next

outing.

was very

I

me.

to

all

these

plainly dressed

had long preferred

I

simplicity.

My

were already

friends

me

frantically to

laughter. People

with the

them. There was

to join

were

sitting

staring at

me.

felt

I

already regretted accepting the invitation.

or

two and then go home.

my own

Uttle

The man that

I

He

sHghtly uncomfortable and I

planned to have

my

hand

him, looked

him, that

at

my I

as

he saw me.

He told me he was an architect Lebanon. He spoke Arabic fluently, and me.

in his quite naturaUy.

of

soon

that afternoon rose as

he had grown up in

took

a drink

suddenly needed the peace and quiet of

I

sitting beside

skin, the pressure

of noise, music and

a lot

understood our 'untranslatable' jokes. That was

my

signalled

couldn't get used to crowds.

still

had noticed

he was

In a flash,

and

I

room.

They

Parisians.

fmgers,

was

my

a plus.

At once he reaUzed, from voice, the

way

I

spoke to

just a frightened child dressed

up

as a

woman.

my mind from racing, wondering where all this An irrepressible little voice whispered to me not to

couldn't stop

I

would

lead me.

ask too

many

Besides, he afraid.

was so

With him,

known him

had

made me never

He was handsome, young and

questions.

gentle, so normal, that suddenly I

have never been frightened.

feel so strong, so safe.

bow

was the

for centuries. This

My

first

It

I

fuU of Hfe.

no longer

was

as

time that a

intuition told

me

that

felt

though

I

man had he would

under pressure, he would never allow anyone to influence

him.

me

I

knew he would

I

was not mistaken. Eric has never

been there

in a

love

crisis,

for

what

I

was, without any questions.

let me down. He has always me w^ith his energy, courage and He saved me from death, turning my

inspiring

confidence, and his joie de

vivre.

darkness into Hght.

He

succeeded in taming me.

I'm not so easy to love. Nobody, not even he, can understand

what binds

us together.

He

shares

my

287

nightmares, he

is

prepared to

TWENTY YEARS

my

live witli

my

ence between All that

me from

freed

My

us:

yet

customs.

will

I

never be lost,

differ-

else.

no longer because of him. He

lost

my

country,

love the ordinary people

1

everybody

like

is

acknowledged the

has

be in Morocco.

deeply love

I

escape from time to time and

Hell.

will not

life

And

refuge,

thought was

I

me to my cell. He

he allows

craziness;

dive back into

PRISON

IN

history,

its

who

are

its

language and

its

poor and oppressed, but

proud, funny and generous. There are no barriers between them and

me. People often

me

tell

—of

that I'm chahbia

the people.

It

is

the

compliment anybody could pay me.

best

In prison, hatred helped

me

The

to survive.

King became mixed up with what

thought

I

On my release, rejected both. Now swing between the deepest

I

hatred felt

for

felt

I

my

for the

country.

I

resentment and the sincere wish

I

no more

to feel

you

stops years. still I

living.

way

rediscovered

desert.

eats

you up, hatred

Hatred will never enable

my

Not me, not

got some

Hatred

hatred.

mother, not

my

me

make up

brothers and

for the lost

But

sisters.

I've

to go.

my

peace of mind and

my

love for

Morocco

in the

my favourite destinamy paternal ancestors. me with my past, and helped

have travelled back and forth across

I

to

you and

paralyses

it,

tion being the Tafilalet desert, the cradle of

The

me

desert soothed

for

It

reconciled

am just passing through. In the desert, there is pretence, am truly myself. Nothing matters except the

understand that

no need

me. I

I

eternal. I

feel

I

come from

this land,

I

belong to

In the midst of the ochre dunes,

it

body and

among

soul.

these vast expanses of

golden sand, in the palm groves inhabited by the Blue Men,

my of my

where

roots

core

being.

But

1

also feel

lay.

I

am Moroccan

I

realized

through and through, to the

very French, through the language,

my

culture,

mentality and intellect.

The two

are

no longer incompatible.

cohabit in peace.

288

In

me. East and West

at last

POSTSCRIPT

For

a year, Eric

Bordreuil regularly shuttled between Paris and Casa-

blanca to be reunited with Malika Oufkir, the

On

woman

25 June 1996, Maria Oufkir, MaHka's younger

from Morocco by

sea,

he loved.

sister,

escaped

with her adopted son Michael and her cousin

Achoura Chenna. She reached Spain and then made her way

to

France.

This escape marked the end of the Oufkir family's nightmare.

Under

international pressure, the

passports

On

and

govemment

issued

them

all

with

visas.

16 July 1996, Malika Oufkir arrived in Paris with her brother

Raouf and her

sister

Soukaina. She was forty-three years old.

She had spent twenty years of her Hfe in Moroccan

gaols, incarcer-

ated since the age of eighteen, and then another five years under close surveillance in

On

Morocco.

10 October 1998, Eric Bordreuil and Malika Oufkir were mar-

ried at the

town haD of the 13th arrondissement

289

in Paris.

AUTHORS' NOTE

On

29 October 1987, the European Parliament invited Morocco to

release the

In 1991,

400 'disappeared' and other

Amnesty

peared', including

Abraham

International

political prisoners.

welcomed

the release of 270 'disap-

some who had been imprisoned

Serfaty (see p. 71)

returning to Morocco.

for nineteen years.

was deported to France and banned from

The Bourequat

brothers, accused of espio-

nage, arrived in Paris in 1992.

Amnesty

International states that there are

prisoners, especially

among

still

hundreds of poUtical

the Western Saharans,

died in Tazmamart, a prison

camp

in the

High

many of whom Atlas

which was

evacuated and demoUshed in 1991.

In 1998, through the

Committee on Human Rights, Morocco ad-

mitted to the deaths of 56 political prisoners in Moroccan gaols

between 1960 and 1980, out of

a Hst

had 'disappeared'.

291

of 112 names of people

who

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A warm

thank you to

all

those

who

helped us see

this

project

through.

Thank you

to

Jean-Claude and Nicky Fasquelle.

Thank you

to

Manuel Carcassonne (and

Thank you

to Susan Chirazi (without

his

Turkish sHppers).

whom

.

.

.

)

and Soraya

Khatami.

Thank you

to

Isabelle

Stephen Smith, Paulo Bordreuil; thank smile, to

Nanou

Perrier,

Aurehe

Martine

Dib,

Marion Bordreuil, Fran^oise and

Pierre

Josse,

Filipetti,

Hugo

for his httle cakes, to Lea for her

for her kisses;

thank you to Roger Dahan, Sabah

you

to

Ziadi and Soundous Elkassri.

And

lastly,

thank you to Eric Bordreuil and

unconditional support from the

first

patience.

293

Guy

moment, and

Princ for their

for their endless

Malika Oufkir

is

now

forty-seven years old and lives in Paris. She

recently married a French architect.

Hshed in France bestseller

prize.

lists,

it

When

La

Prisonniere

sold over 100,000 copies, rose to

was pub-

No.

1

in the

and was awarded the Maisons de Presse Document

Rights in the book have been sold to twelve countries.

Michele Fitoussi

is

of Tunisian descent, and

novels and a collection of short stories editor of French Elk.

as

well

is

as

the author of

being the

two

literary

M