Self-Esteem Workbook for Women: How Self-Love and Self-Compassion Affirmations Can Help You Rising Self-Esteem and Confidence and Why You Need to Be Kind to Yourself to Get Rid of Anxiety. 9798609397430

Table of contents :
Chapter 1 Understanding Self-Esteem
Chapter 2 Setting Goals and Getting Started
Chapter 3 For Women Only
Chapter 4 Understanding Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion
Chapter 5 Self Confidence Development
Chapter 6 Why Do Women Suffer Poor Self Image?
Chapter 7 Developing Self-Awareness
Chapter 8 Recognize and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts
Chapter 9 How Practicing Meditation Helps Build Self–Esteem
Chapter 10 Strategies for Developing Self-Esteem
Chapter 11 Forgive Yourself
Chapter 12 Mindfulness
Conclusion

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Self-Esteem Workbook for Women How Self-Love and Self-Compassion Affirmations Can Help You Rising Self-Esteem and Confidence and Why You Need to Be Kind to Yourself to Get Rid of Anxiety. By Kristin Winters

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Copyright © 2020 by Kristin Winters – All rights reserved The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, without direct written permission from the author or the publisher. Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book, either directly or indirectly. Legal Notice: This book is copyright protected. It is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher. Disclaimer Notice: Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book. By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, that are incurred as a result of the use of the information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

Contents Introduction Chapter 1 Understanding Self-Esteem Chapter 2 Setting Goals and Getting Started Chapter 3 For Women Only Chapter 4 Understanding Self-Confidence and SelfCompassion Chapter 5 Self Confidence Development Chapter 6 Why Do Women Suffer Poor Self Image? Chapter 7 Developing Self-Awareness Chapter 8 Recognize and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts Chapter 9 How Practicing Meditation Helps Build Self–Esteem Chapter 10 Strategies for Developing Self-Esteem Chapter 11 Forgive Yourself Chapter 12 Mindfulness Conclusion

Introduction Self-esteem is an expression that has come to mean many things. Here and there, confidence is a self-clear expression; however, it has likewise turned into a far-fetched idea with a wide range of implications. We realize selfesteem is critical to have yet had been instructed that it's conceivable to have an excessive amount of confidence. We talk about numerous subsidiaries of confidence that may confound us when we attempt to characterize belief, such as self-worth, self-responsibility, self-confidence, self-love, and self-assertiveness, self-acceptance, and self-assurance. Without healthy self-esteem as an establishment, work done in some other zones of individual or profound development will eventually not last. If self-esteem is too weak, there won't be the fundamental inspiration to attempt to improve or develop by any stretch of the imagination. Suppose we don't feel essentially commendable and meriting joy and development, regardless of what we do. In that case, we will figure out how to self-harm ourselves to ensure our outer reality coordinates our inside truth of what we accept we merit. Much like we don't need to be in tip-top physical shape to start a program of activity, we don't need to have too healthy confidence to begin a program of individual or profound development. Generally, people who have high self-esteem take care of themselves. Of course, this care is subjective. It is not uncommon for people to look at overweight people and assume they do not care for themselves. However, what if that fat person loves cooking or works as a chef? What if they gain weight because they are trying to share their food creations with the world or genuinely enjoy eating? This person is taking care of themselves by doing something that they love.

By contrast, someone with low self-esteem is more likely to focus on gaining material possessions, approval, or social status. They might work hard to buy luxurious items with the belief that these possessions will make them happier. People with low self-esteem also commonly seek a way to fill the emptiness they often experience in life, especially if they are not aware of their low self-esteem. They may seek sexual relationships or try to numb the void with alcohol, food, or drugs. When you do not have a good and healthy sense of self, life is even more complicated, and nobody needs that. Even for the happiest, healthiest person in the world, there are a million things to worry about and do. What makes them happy and healthy is that they can worry and do what they need to do without letting it touch the shining core of themselves. They can screw up at work—because everybody will—and even though they try to fix it, they are okay. It isn’t a big deal, and it doesn’t mean anything about the person they are.

Chapter 1 Understanding Self-Esteem

The world of the self is full of different characteristics and textures. You must have heard the phrase ‘self-esteem’ mentioned by prominent psychologists and experts quite a lot. This phrase's importance is that from workplace motivational speeches to the session you have with your psychologist, it is mentioned everywhere in abundance. So, knowing that you have encountered this word countless times before, we expect you to wonder what exactly self-esteem is. We know the meaning of self and esteem, but how do you define them when both these words are combined to form one phrase? As you will verify, this book will help you with your self-esteem and others' self-esteem around you. You can use this book to improve how you feel about yourself. Before we can start talking about self-esteem and doing something about your self-esteem, you need to understand the concept of this word and how it came out to be as important as it is in the world of psychology and motivation as it is today. The basics of self-esteem can be understood by understanding the characteristics of people who have high self-esteem. High self-esteem can be said to be an abundance of respect and esteem for oneself in your mind. People with high self-esteem are more often than not good friends with themselves. They enjoy their own company and accept themselves for who they are. They look after themselves and hold no bars in befriending their minds. You may know someone who looks after themselves, is intrinsically motivated, and happens to be quite a charmer when talking with other people. People probably have good self-esteem because they value

themselves for who or what they are and do not mind talking to other people based on the face value they have achieved over time. People with high self-esteem often happen to be intrinsically motivated, as well. If your best friend is present within you, you do not have to look at the outside world for motivation to do stuff. The best motivator present within you can help intrinsically motivate you to do things that you never imagined you would do. People with high self-esteem also offer an incredible company. They can talk at ends about anything concerning life or them and do not hold any bars to express their desires. On the other hand, we also expect you to know people or women who do not care for themselves and do not have a heightened or real opinion of their abilities. They undermine their abilities, run into many comparisons, and do not realize how talented they are. In short, the kind of person we are talking of here would look in the mirror and hate themselves. Now, low self-esteem does not come down to ground facts or realities. Someone with low self-esteem could be the most beautiful woman alive with charming skin and whatnot, but their low self-esteem would prompt them into hating what they see in the mirror. Their bodies would never satisfy them, and they would almost always remain unsatisfied with what they have given by good. Often, people with low self-esteem never achieve their true potential or what they really can because they never realize all the latent talents inside them.

Definitions for Self-Esteem Psychologists that have studied the concept of self-esteem have come up with different examples to define it to the average human. These definitions shed new light on the notion of self-esteem and only shine upon us the importance that it hosts. Low self-esteem can have different repercussions, and high self-esteem can have various benefits that definitions define how you can benefit or lose out through self-esteem levels. The first definition of self-esteem we are studying is part of the Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn Schiraldi. This definition has much to do with the appreciation a person has for themselves. Schiraldi believed that selfesteem was all about having a realistic and appreciative self-opinion. This point of view is fundamental because, in addition to not undermining your abilities, you should also have high expectations of the result of what you do. Having high expectations from oneself can be a bit too risky, as you can end up disappointing yourself and the people around you. Schiraldi believed that the opinion of oneself should be appreciative because that defines the self-esteem that people have in them. Self-esteem is all about appreciating the things you do and building upon them to keep repeating your success. You certainly cannot work towards success in the best manner possible without appreciating your talents and furthering them. Schiraldi used the word appreciative of signifying that you should have positive feelings and optimism towards yourself and have a bit of liking towards your abilities. The second definition we study was by renowned psychologist David Burns. Burns positioned self-esteem at a very high footstall because of how he believed it could influence the human body and mind. Burns was a prominent psychologist and had worked with multiple individuals before he

came up with this understanding. Burns realized that self-esteem was one of the most important factors helping people achieve the success they craved in life. He has said that beliefs and evaluations you hold about yourself will determine what you become in your life. You cannot seriously have zero trust in yourself and expect good results to come by. To ensure that you achieve success, you should have full faith in your abilities and focus on the end goal you have in your mind. The third definition of self-esteem that we study was by Stanley Coopersmith. Coopersmith was another prominent psychologist and knew a fair deal about self-esteem and how it could motivate people to achieve the goals that they have in mind. Coopersmith was good at the art of psychology and mentioned that humans might use their self-esteem for their welfare. Coopersmith said that the self-esteem you have is a personal judgment or analysis for expressing your worthiness towards your attitude. According to him, your self-esteem is an attitude that you show based on the worthiness that you hold about yourself. The posture can turn deplorable if you do not consider yourself worthy enough, while the same attitude can turn into a benefit for you if you go on to achieve what comes with it. These three are the superior definitions that we have seen concerning selfesteem in the world of psychology. These definitions define self-esteem and consider three different facets or faces of how self-esteem can take shape. Now is a time for a bit of self-reflection to absorb what you have just studied. Your internal self-esteem is all about understanding your flaws and working on them to better them. You have to look to better your defects by understanding your self-esteem and what comes within it.

The following questions will help you self-reflect in an advisable manner and achieve the results we would want you to achieve through this process. ●

What have you noticed about self-esteem through the definitions

above? Do you think that the three Definitions are in line with the judgments or the perception you had about self-esteem back in the day? ●

Do these definitions we have studied differ from the previous

Definitions you had in mind related to a human's self-esteem? If they are different, do you think the difference is a minute one or something you should study in detail? ●

Based on all your previous ideas and definitions of self-esteem and the

explanations you have just read, how would you define self-esteem in your words? What does self-esteem mean to you, in your own words? ●

Do you think that you have stable self-esteem, or is it fluctuating all

the time? People often think they have multiple self-esteems, based on how their mood is. A constructive spirit can lead to optimism and high selfesteem, while a negative feeling can lead to dwindling self-esteem, where you don't happen to have many ideas about what you are doing with your life, pessimism creeps over you.

Healthy Self-Esteem Your self-esteem can become healthy for you if you develop and crafted it the right way. Before we go on rambling about the benefits of healthy selfesteem, we first need to discuss what healthy self-esteem is. Healthy self-esteem is something that happens when a person values themselves and likes themselves for who they are. The idea of healthy selfesteem comes with the idea that you are a worthy being, and you have some role to play in how this universe works. Healthy self-esteem includes realizing that humans are fallible and have different characteristics. Humans make mistakes; in fact, making mistakes is what makes you human. You have to become aware that there is no harm in erring at one time or the other. Everyone makes mistakes, and you make inevitable mistakes in your life. A person with healthy self-esteem happens to be their own best friend, which is why they realize that making mistakes does not necessarily make them a wicked person. It just makes them human. People with low self-esteem take making mistakes as a sign of their uselessness. Every mistake they make has followed by over-thinking sessions where they dissect the mistake and hate themselves further for erring in judgment. After these hours of thinking, the end conclusion is that they happen to be useless and wicked for making that small mistake. A person with healthy self-esteem realizes that making mistakes is not a crime. And, they also understand how important it is for them to be their own best friend. Befriending yourself is part of healthy self-esteem. When you befriend yourself, you realize that you can err. You can make errors. When you understand that you can make errors, you also understand how to keep loving yourself throughout these errors. A healthy self-esteem person

has high regard and self-respect, just as you would do for a friend, only that respect and love are now for oneself. People with high self-esteem do not like degrading themselves when talking to someone else. They realize that the conversation is temporary and that their love and friendship with their bodies would continue for the time to come. People who don't have healthy self-esteem degrade and pull jokes on themselves in a conversation. These jokes end up ruining their selfconfidence in the long run. Self-esteem is an essential part of our life based on how much it affects us. Self-esteem is the filter through which we react to everything we are experiencing and everything that happens to us. You can let your low selfesteem get to your mind or work on improving it and making it healthy for your future success. Remember that the first pre-requisite of building healthy self-esteem is to love yourself and befriend yourself.

Why Is Self-Esteem Important? While we have listed down the different definitions of self-esteem and the healthy aspect related to having good self-esteem, it is now time to shed some light on the importance of self-esteem. By now, you must also be wondering about the importance of self-esteem in the context of our lives. We are here to answer this question and tell you about the importance of self-esteem in this section. Having high self-esteem is increasingly healthy and essential for you because of the benefits it hosts and how it saves you from the downsides of having low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem happen to have numerous mental and physical repercussions as a result of their attitude. People who have low self-esteem can develop mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression as part of this attitude. Mental illness and problems usually start when people don’t value themselves, and the value they add to this world. You are the best version of yourself, and nobody else can top that. The sooner you realize this better it is for you. People who have a hard time appreciating themselves for who they are and what they do happen to live life within their low self-esteem bubble. The issues begin when you first start questioning something related to you, something natural. It could be your height, your physical characteristics, or your voice. You start wishful thinking and hope that you can rid yourself of that particular feature. That is when you enter an area of no return and start delving into the subjugated world of wishful thinking. Positive self-esteem, on the flip side, includes accepting yourself for who you are. You embrace yourself for what you bring to the table and don’t want it to be different. Once you start undervaluing yourself, you would start seeing a fall in the performance that you would want to give around you. A wide range of

problems takes birth when you start undervaluing yourself. These problems include negative thinking, disordered eating habits, abuse, unhealthy relationship pattern, low body image, underachievement in professional or academic life, and impaired communication skills. The image you have of yourself is what can save you from falling deep into the pits of what we have mentioned or talked about above. You can consider your self-esteem as the roots of the tree of life. Your foundations define how hard or balanced you stand in your life. If your foundations base on a weakened and flawed sense of self, then you will never be able to grow to the limits you have in mind. Stunted mental growth is also a result of low self-esteem; you never achieve the kind of inner growth you want. Albeit, when you base your life on positive self-esteem, you make sure that your roots remain firm and resilient. While low self-esteem can fluster and shaken you, high self-esteem can save you from complete demolition or failure in life.

Difference between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem You must have gone through the lines above and must be thinking that selfesteem is a lot like the definition of self-confidence you have in your mind. There are some minute but distinguishable differences between the concept of self-confidence and self-esteem. These concepts indulge in the ability or worthiness of your mind, but they have a higher meaning attached to them. Self-confidence is the confidence or the judgment that you have in your abilities. You know you can do something, but how confident you are about that thing defines your self-confidence. You can have a lot of confidence in some areas of life but can lack confidence in other areas of life. For instance, a student might think that they are very good at debating but poor at sports. Now, when they enter the debating arena, their confidence might be sky high, and their oomph will be completely different. But, when they enter the sports field, all the self-confidence will fall, and they will be back to ground one. For instance, the same student can have a lot of confidence while handling math but could lack that confidence in spelling. See, you can have confidence in some of your abilities while lacking confidence in the other ones at the same time. While you still may be confident about some skills, you can generally have categorized for having low self-esteem because of your attitude to your worthiness. Moving on, our confidence in our abilities is something that fluctuates. As we have illustrated and defined above, you can have different confidence levels in various skills. The grade of confidence in a particular ability could have based on how confident you feel when doing that activity. On the contrary, self-esteem tends to be a more constant figure. Your self-esteem while doing Task A would be the same as your self-esteem for doing Task B. When it comes to self-esteem, you’re thinking of yourself as a whole

figure; you’re not just taking one or two abilities into perspective. Once you imagine yourself as a whole, your confidence in a couple of activities makes no difference. If your general attitude to your worthiness isn’t anything to write home about, you will generally be considered low on selfesteem. Additionally, we can also say that self-confidence is an attribute or an attitude easier to build than self-esteem. While you can also raise your selfesteem, as we will expertly show within this book, you cannot seriously manage your self-esteem in the same manner as your self-confidence. All it takes to build your self-confidence in a particular ability is to practice it repeatedly, hoping that you will make several improvements. But, with selfesteem, you have to change your higher outlook on life. There is a certain amount of inter-play as well between both the concepts of self-esteem and self-confidence. It has usually believed that someone with low self-esteem will most definitely have low self-confidence while doing most of the tasks. Your Self-confidence has based on your real ability to do your assignment and your perception of that ability. While you might be fully able to do something, your low self-esteem can push your confidence down for doing that particular task. However, most people with low self-esteem happen to have a couple of assignments or activities where their self-confidence can rocket to the sky. Keep in mind this: the concept of self-confidence is treated separately from that of self-esteem.

Chapter 2

Setting Goals and Getting Started

Personal Vision This is your vital aspect of making a robust and feasible life plan. Contribute time to consider all that you put stock in and all you might want your life to be about. Concentrate on what impact you need your life to have on your family, your companions, and everybody you meet. Note your thoughts in a diary or utilize your PC and rundown anything that has significance to you. Presently work it out or type it in a section or more. Take as much time as is needed and get it perfectly clear. Your Strengths Write down the majority of Your Strengths. From that point onward, list any feeble zones. Presently this is basic - annihilate the rundown of shortcomings and spotlight absolutely on Your Strengths. After you have Your Personal Vision and Your Strengths obviously characterized, it turns out to be anything but difficult to... Characterize Your Goals and Desired Outcomes Audit Personal Vision and Your Strengths a couple of times, and after that, challenge to dream a tad. Concentrate on what you need your life to resemble if you have a boundless stockpile of cash, assets, and time. Rundown anything you might want to have, do and accomplish. Record the spots you'd like to visit, individuals you might want to meet, things you might want to learn, and encounters you might want to have.

Next, choose one want that you want to achieve rapidly and effectively. Work it out in detail. This will assist you with valuing the intensity of this basic framework.

Your Why When you recognize what you want to accomplish, characterize Your Why. Consider what it will intend to you when you achieve this unequivocal result. Imagine yourself having finished it. Presently, directly beneath your goal, record whatever achieving this particular goal would intend to you. This is your self-inspirational power for making a move. Your Massive Plan of Action Alright, you have what you might want plainly characterized, and you know why you want it. Presently ask yourself, "What are the moves that I should make to accomplish my result?" Write them out. Obviously, Goal setting and planning encourage you to see what you have to do. The way to getting results is by making a move. Concentrate on what you have recorded and pick what you can do right away. Creating a predictable movement is a crucial fixing that gets results. At the point when you get moving, energy becomes an integral factor. You will achieve your particular result and make the most of Your Why. Put this uncomplicated goal setting and planning framework vigorously for each result you have recorded. Put aside a period consistently to utilize this procedure and make a move each day. Over the long haul, you will be astounded at how a lot of your life is winding up better. The Importance of Goal and planning If you need to arrive at any degree of accomplishment in your life, you must define goals and make arrangements when you set the goal and make the arrangement to accomplish a specific thing, which gives you a good vision.

A reasonable image implies you know what it is you need to achieve precisely. Mentors don't merely send their players out on the playfield without first setting up an arrangement. So, can anyone explain why we experience life now and then and not have an unmistakable vision concerning what we ask for from it? Defining the goal and making the arrangement plants a dream in your psyche and, furthermore, your subliminal personality. During this procedure, the subliminal nature is given a lot of guidelines to pursue and complete. It's normal if your arrangement changes every now and then since you keep your mind concentrated on the goal. By doing so, the deal will at last succeed. To prevail in life, you should set your goals, get an arrangement, tail it, and remain centered. It is critical to stay centered, or you'll lose. When you dismiss the plan, you will disregard the arrangement, and in a little while, everything will self-destruct. Why would that be? Since when you quit concentrating on the goal, you tell your inner mind that the goal is never again significant. Thus, the subliminal personality stops chipping away at making your specific goal a reality. Staying center isn't a simple undertaking. Your psyche resembles its very own individual, as though it is totally isolated from you. Even though you might need to do, be, and accomplish a specific thing, your mind will need to keep performing things how it is used to. It will be obstinate and set up an extraordinary battle. Your mind will give all of you sorts of opposition, even guide you to abandon your fantasies. So how would you get your brain to tune in and consent to changes? By being constant and remaining submitted by continually thinking about your

goals. Search for chances to grasp and invite change. Ensure that you set practical goals. Start little and recognize and commend your small triumphs continually. At last, your mind will start to comprehend and acknowledge the progressions, and before you know it, your psyche is working with the procedure, and the cycle of your goals turning into a reality has begun. Defining goals, getting an arrangement, and remaining centered rises to progress. It is common for people to be naturally geared toward success. While some people are content living the life they have, people generally want to keep advancing. They want to drive a better car, move into a more perfect house, have a better physique, be healthier, and excel in their career. Even though people naturally want to climb up the ladder in their lives, it does not necessarily mean this is a reality. One of the things that set those who wish to and those who succeed apart is setting goals. You cannot expect to get anywhere in life unless you set goals. With a plan, you gain the ability to hold yourself accountable for whatever you are striving toward. Let’s look at the example of someone trying to lose weight —if they set a goal that they want to lose ten pounds by the end of the month, but continue to eat unhealthy foods and lead an inactive lifestyle, they are not going to meet their goal. Then, when the end of the month comes around, they can hold themselves accountable for not losing that weight. While they may experience a little disappointment, failing their goal gives them time to re-evaluate what they want. It is the opportunity to try again, but to try harder this time.

Benefits of Goal-Setting Goal setting does more than increasing a person’s chance of success. Here’s a look at why you should set goals: ●

The faster movement toward your goal- Do you ever feel as if you are sleepwalking through life? This feeling is familiar to many people, as they work hard and still do not achieve what they want. Students finish college with a degree but even do not know what they want to do as a career. Adults settle into jobs outside of their dream careers, mostly because settling is more comfortable. The reason they fail is that their hard work is directionless. When you set goals, you have a clear idea of what you want. This helps you decide if an action will bring you closer to or farther from your plan. It enables you to align your choices and make everything you reflect on your effort to achieve your goals. The reality is that when you are not working toward your other purposes, you are working toward someone else’s. Someone who gives in and cheats on their diet is working toward meeting the fast-food industry’s goals— lining their pockets. A person who is stuck in a dead-end job meets their boss’s goals—to have loyal employees who work hard, even though they don’t necessarily strive for more. When you start setting goals, you free yourself from the trap of living on autopilot, and you gain the ability to reach goals faster. It helps you become conscious of what you are creating in your life to proactively work toward those things you want to become a reality for yourself.

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Knowledge of when you veer off track- Even people who are set in their goals slip up. They misjudgment something or have a setback that moves them farther away from their plan. However, re-evaluation is a critical element of goal-setting. You should not only set goals for this week and this month, but you should also set goals for one year from now, three

years from now, and even five years from now. Once you are thinking this far ahead, it becomes easier to create smaller goals that are more achievable. Once you have an actionable plan, you can set things in motion and work toward your goal. Everything in life is created twice— once in mind and then again in the real world. If you don’t use goalsetting to mentally create your goals, you cannot physically make them. ●

Increased accountability- Even the people closest to you may cloud your goals with their own. Someone who has decided to spend their nights studying to further their career may be convinced to go out with their friend instead. This friend is more interested in their own goal of having fun rather than supporting their friend in their educational endeavor.

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Greater motivation- The best goals are those that are set from a place of passion. Your goals should lead you toward the best life that you want to live. To enjoy this life, you must choose goals that align with your core values and those things you want to make a reality for yourself. By setting long-term goals and re-evaluating them, you always have something more significant to strive for.

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Ability to reach your highest potential- Many people do not live up to their full potential. They have unique skills and talents that go untapped. This is especially true for people who settle in life. When you assume that you have become all you will be, there is no point in learning new things or focus on progress. By setting goals for what you want to achieve, you work to improve your skills and talents.

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Better ability to overcome obstacles- When you have forward motion, the bumps you hit in the road become things you trip over on your way to your goal. Rather than staying stuck when something doesn’t go your

way, you know that you need to get up and keep moving toward your goal. This can help you overcome some of the most challenging times in your life.

Setting Goals to Grow Your Confidence and Self-Esteem As you develop greater confidence and self-esteem, you will enhance your ability to strive for your goals. People who are confident in themselves aren’t afraid to do something difficult or challenging to pursue a plan. They are secure enough to step outside of their comfort zone and be confident enough to know if they fail, they will survive it and be better people because of it. Having high self-esteem also helps in the creation and achievement of goals. When you love yourself enough to embrace change and work toward improving your life, it makes a significant difference in your life. For a goal to be an effective motivator, it is generally agreed upon that goals should be SMART , meaning: S pecific- Creating a specific goal means adding details that help keep you motivated on track. It is easy for someone to say they want to lose weight and still feel upset when a month passes, and they only lose one or two pounds. This would be okay if they were only trying to lose one or two pounds by the end of the month. Since their goal was vague, however, they feel disappointed even though they have technically lost weight. Setting a specific purpose is also crucial for creating a sense of motivation and accountability. M easurable- Goals should be measurable in some way. This can be tricky when you try to measure something like self-esteem or confidence since

you cannot assign a number to it. A better way to measure something like confidence or self-esteem is to set specific goals. For example, you might increase your self-confidence at work by making it your ideal to speak up during the morning meeting one time. From there, you might volunteer to work with someone else on a project. To measure self-esteem, you might make it your goal to challenge negative thoughts for a full day instead of letting them rattle around in your brain. Even though you cannot assign a number, you still know that you are achieving a goal that brings you closer to growing your self-esteem and self-confidence. A chievable- For someone lacking in confidence, one of the worst things they can do is set a difficult or impossible goal to achieve. Imagine that someone sets the goal of losing fifty pounds within a month. To reach this, they would have to lose more than a pound a day. That would require an amount of calorie restriction and exercise that could be detrimental to their health. Additionally, when they set a goal this ambitious and fail, it discourages them from continuing on their path to achieving that weight loss. They might experience a setback or return to their old habits because they feel discouraged. R elevant- When a goal is appropriate, it means that it is reasonable and aligned with your values and passions. You will have trouble motivating yourself to do something that you do not want enough. For example, someone who puts in the work to be a doctor may find themselves struggling to apply for research grants or do work to further the field of medicine because they do not feel passionate about it. They may even struggle through medical school and their residency, as these are things that take a great deal of work and focus. It is much better to set goals for yourself that relate to your passion and where you want to go in life.

Otherwise, you are wasting time doing something that you do not love— when you could be spending time reaching goals that will make you happy. T ime-bound- A time-bound goal is one that has a specific restriction on when you want to complete it. By setting a deadline for yourself, you are increasing the pressure and boosting motivation. Without a deadline, you may move leisurely toward your goal. This means you achieve it at a much slower rate than you would expect to. The Power of Positive Thinking Negative thinking does have a purpose. When mankind was still in its early days, there was no separation between humans and the world around them. There were no cities—they lived entirely in the wild. This meant they had to deal with the world's natural dangers, from predatory animals like tigers and bites from poisonous snakes. There was also the danger of other societies and the natural obstacles of the earth. This meant that even something like walking to the river had its risks. This danger that existed in early society may be why strong, negative emotions like fear cause the brain and body to hyperdrive. Imagine that you were walking through the woods when you came across a wolf. At this moment, your mind stops and focuses on nothing but the wolf. An amygdala area sends messages through your brain and the rest of your body that there is danger. This triggers the fight-or-flight response, which lets you focus on survival. Perception intensifies as you analyze the situation again, and there is a boost to your reflexes and speed. Your blood pumps through your muscles, breath rate increases to boost the amount of air moving through your lungs, and you are ready to run or fight off the wolf in front of you.

Of course, the worry that the worst-case scenario will come true (the wolf eating you) triggers this incredible survival response. In this type of scenario, it is remarkable that the mind can still try its best to survive. However, this reaction to intense emotions and the fear of the worst happening is not necessarily practical in day-to-day life. When you are always thinking negatively and fearing the worst, it is those negative things that happen. As you create the reality of your life, choosing how to spend the time and focus your effort, you can make the reality of a positive or negative sense of well-being with your thoughts.

How Negative Thinking Holds You Back When you focus on the intense, negative emotions, you are experiencing, your narrowed focus limits what you can think during that time. It becomes difficult to use rational thought to overcome your negative thinking. This is the reason people have phobias and anxiety—their brains are extra-sensitive to stimuli around them. It triggers the fight-or-flight response even when there isn’t any immediate danger. Likewise, negative thinking holds you back because it narrows your focus. It gets your mind in the habit of looking for the negatives. This means you do not see the opportunities or the positive elements of a situation. Negative thinking also holds you back because it leaves you ill-adapted to stressful situations. Rather than looking for ways to overcome obstacles, you end up making problems bigger. People who do not try to overcome their problems and just accept them also get stuck in the same cycles. They cannot rise above or achieve success in life because they are stuck in the loop of their negative thoughts.

Finally, negative thinking causes you to discourage yourself. Rather than building yourself up and using self-talk in a way that encourages you to strive for your goals, it leaves you feeling defeated and incapable. After all, why should someone step out of their comfort zone if they ‘know’ they will fail? By continuing to think negatively, people hold themselves back. One study that explored the power of positive thinking was carried out at the University of North Carolina by psychology researcher Barbara Frederickson. The experiment involved film clips and five different groups of people. Group 1 and 2 saw clips associated with positive emotions, with Group 1 seeing images that stimulated joy, and Group 2 saw pictures that produced contentment. Group 3 saw neutral pictures and was used as a control for the experiment. Groups 4 and 5 saw negative images, with Group 4 seeing images that stimulated fear, and Group 5 saw pictures that provoked anger. Following the video, each participant was given a piece of paper with twenty blank lines and the instructions to imagine themselves in a situation that created the same feelings as the video they watched. Then, they were to write down what they would do in this scenario. The results showed people who experienced anger and fear had the least responses, while those who experienced contentment and joy wrote the most responses. The neutral group generally fell in the middle of the average. This speaks to how positive emotions cause you to see more possibilities, leaving you open to the options all around you.

What is Positive Thinking?

Though positive is meant to mean upbeat and happy, many people are confused about positive thinking. Does it mean that you are happy most of the time? Does it mean that you blissfully ignore problems to avoid stress? Not necessarily. Positive thinking is a mental state where you expect the best. You wish you to meet your goals, succeed in your dating life, and generally experience a good life. It does not mean that you will never deal with negativity—it is natural for people to experience things like job loss, the death of a loved one, and break-ups. Life is not perfect, and it does throw curveballs. When this happens, however, positive thinking is knowing that you are strong enough to overcome. You know that you are strong enough to grieve and continue living or pick yourself up and find a new job. It means that when there are problems, you are proactive about solving them. You use constructive and critical thinking to come up with solutions. Additionally, by thinking positively, you do not assume the worst of people. You are more likely to look for concrete evidence before making assumptions. Finally, a positive mindset is motivated and generally happy. You are excited about the future because you know that it will offer you new opportunities and bring you closer to your goals.

How You Can Use Positive Thinking to Build Confidence and SelfEsteem When you think positively, it stays with you for several minutes. However, research shows that when you use that positive attitude to develop resources and build skills, it increases your learning ability. Take the example of a child who is playing outside. He may be running around a field or swinging

on a vine (physical skills) while playing with friends (social skills). Additionally, his observation and exploration of the world around him engage his creative talents. As running around, exploring, and playing with friends are enjoyable, the positive emotions make it more likely that he will continue building their physical, social, and creative skills by playing outside. Even once that child has gone off to college, his athletic skills might earn him a scholarship or a place playing professional sports, while his social skills may give him the option to work closely with a team of people or run a business. Even though the skills remain, the person might not feel those initial positive feelings that helped them learn the craft. By contrast, negative emotions have the opposite effect. When you are experiencing negative emotions like those, you would feel when in danger, your mind is only focused on what is happening at that immediate time. This means you cannot focus on building skills that will benefit you in the future.

Strategies for Increasing Positive Thinking Frederickson’s research developed the ‘broaden and build’ theory. This simply states that by thinking positively, you broaden your ability to see more possibilities around you. Once your perspective is enlarged, you can develop skills that add value to your life. Here are a few ways to increase positive thought: ●

Do something you love. Even doing something like painting or playing the guitar has benefits (expressing yourself abstractly and helping with stress management). As an added benefit, when you love something,

you are passionate about it. It is easy to be optimistic about an activity that you enjoy. ● Write- The Journal of Research in Personality published a study that involved 90 students separated into two groups. Group 1 wrote about a positive experience for three days in a row, while the second group was assigned a control topic. After just three days of this practice, the students in Group 1 had improved mood levels, fewer illnesses, and few visits to the health center. When you write positively, even a few days in a row, it would seem to profoundly impact your overall level of health and happiness. ●

Meditate daily. Not only does meditation help increase your selfawareness, but it also helps increase positivity. Its effects are long-term, according to a more recent study carried out by Frederickson and fellow researchers. Three months after the end of the course, those meditated people displayed a decrease in illnesses, a greater sense of purpose in

life, increased mindfulness, and better social support. ● Make time for play. Slaving away at work day after day means nothing if you cannot enjoy life. After all, why do you strive for a new car if you do not have the time to drive it? Why buy a lovely house if you are never home to enjoy it? It is important to intentionally make time to enjoy yourself. Don’t save it for the last minute—write it in your schedule and make time for it. When you live more positively, you’ll find you are more productive and goal-minded when working. ●

Remember that everything changes. Life is about transformation. Each time you learn a new skill or overcome an obstacle, you are one step closer to your total transformation. This is also an excellent way to look at negative situations that you cannot control. Even though someone may be sad after a parent passes away, their negative feelings will

eventually die, and they will learn to live without their parent’s physical presence in the world. By developing more incredible willpower, getting in the habit of setting goals, and creating more positive thought patterns, you can set yourself up for success in life. As you continue to read, you’ll gain more insight into how these strategies can be applied to grow your confidence and selfesteem.

Chapter 3 For Women Only Women, we're finally done with understanding the definitions for selfesteem, talking about its importance, and differentiating it from the concepts of self-confidence. Now is the time to finally fasten your seat belts, take hold of the gear stick, and to start on the journey of endless improvement. Women, as you already know by now, self-esteem is a healthy attitude that can boost your perspective towards yourself as the world. You don't want to think low of your worthiness when you do realize how worthy you are and that everything you want can be achieved through the right measures. Building healthy self-esteem is a beneficial task that requires a lot of effort and hard work. You need to make sure that your self-esteem is on the right side and that you keep working towards overall improvement. If you feel that you’re lacking in self-esteem, you need to start setting goals for yourself. While we would guide you to the achievable goals, you can and should set for yourself, let's not get carried away here, women. You must realize how important it is to remain focused on your goals and to achieve those goals one step at a time. If you feel that you’re falling low on motivation, make sure to remind yourself why you initially started with this journey.

Setting the Right Goals While we have discussed goals that you can follow, it won’t harm anyone if you set a few goals for yourself. There is no harm whatsoever in planning the process according to your own pace. However, we believe that setting goals are a process that shouldn’t be taken lightly. The goals you set define how appreciated you feel and how you can achieve the objectives that you have in mind. If you aren't dedicated to your goals, you will never achieve the success that you crave. It is usual for people to have self-esteem waves, where they are either comfortable with their attitude to life or not comfortable. We are here to guide you in all aspects of self-esteem management, including the setting of goals, as you need to realize how important it is for you to set the right goals going forward. Setting goals is an essential part of having a healthy and growing self-esteem. To set your goals the right way, women, you need to follow the SMART criteria. The SMART criterion is a successful method that can help you be clear with your goals and achieve them in the best manner possible. To follow the smart criteria, you need to keep in mind what it entails and how it can help you move forward with your goals. The 5 SMART criterion boasts acronyms for the following words: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. We will discuss all of these factors in greater detail below to help you out in this process: 1. Specific What exactly are you looking to achieve? The more specific you are with the goal, the better you will be able to achieve it. We know that your end

goal is to achieve higher self-esteem, but what methods do you want to employ to achieve that landmark? To be specific with your goals, you need to break them down to work towards achieving the results you desire. For instance, a goal that isn't specific would say ‘I want to improve my selfconfidence,' while a specific goal would say ‘I want to improve my selfesteem by focusing on positive thinking for the next 6 months.' Now, we're talking because you have shortlisted for yourself a goal that has specific instructions. You know what to do, and achieving it wouldn't be ambiguous. There are specific questions you can ask yourself while setting the goals to clear away any confusion. All confusions can be cleared away using the right techniques. Some questions you can ask yourself here include: ● ●

What is the end goal that you want to achieve? Where do you see yourself at the end of the particular period you

have set for achieving the goal? ●

How do you want to go about achieving that particular goal?

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When do you want to achieve the goal that you have in mind?

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Are you going to be working with a psychologist or a friend, or will it

be an individual effort? ●

Why do you want to reach the goal? What is the driving force behind

your objective? And, are there any alternative ways of achieving the goal then the ones that you have already highlighted to yourself? Answers to the questions above would help you add specific details to your goals for improving your low self-esteem. It is necessary that you add

clarity to your goals and don’t leave them ambiguous. Ambiguous goals make it harder for you to reach the end goal and make it even difficult in the long run. 2. Measurable Once you’re sure that the goal you’re setting for yourself is specific, you should go on to check whether it is measurable or not. By measurable, we mean that you should be able to identify the progress you’re making on it and be able to see, feel, and hear when you eventually reach the end goal you have in mind. Since self-esteem is an attitude and a process of the mind, you surely cannot see or hear it, but you can feel it. So, it is all about being honest to yourself and tracking the progress you feel during the period you’re vying to get to the top. You can break your goals down to measurable thoughts. For instance, if you want to reach the ultimate goal of no negative thoughts, you need to reach a stage where you stop bowing down to negative thoughts. You should identify a negative thought whenever it creeps into your mind. Let's imagine girls, you're having a late-night conversation with someone you love. You throw them a compliment, and they don't return the compliment. It could be because of any reason. But, your mind can slowly and gradually drift into thinking of a lot of negative options. What if they aren't attracted to you anymore? What if they don't like you anymore? What if they have found someone else? Are you even attractive enough? You're a possible 3/10, and they are a good 8/10. See how you just pushed your selfesteem down through your negative thoughts? They could have just not given a compliment because they felt sleepy and didn't feel the need to provide a compliment at that specific period.

You need to realize the importance of now bowing down to your negative thoughts. Now, let’s imagine the same situation above: You compliment him, and he doesn't give one back. The negative thoughts start creeping in, but you push them away with the positive thinking that they could be feeling sleepy. You feel less bad about yourself, and your self-esteem doesn’t get a hit. See the difference? Also, if you are good at self-reflection, you can tell whether a thought is negative or positive as soon as it enters your mind. Just when that thought creeps into your mind, you should be able to rubbish it and move onwards. Track your progress so that you can measure whatever headway you are making. Measurable goals end up going a long way in helping you achieve what you want from your life. You can build your self-esteem by setting quantifiable goals. 3. Attainable The ‘A’ in SMART stands for Attainable and is perhaps one of the most important factors to keep in mind while setting goals. The goal you set for yourself should be attainable and easy to achieve. If a plan isn’t accessible or achievable for you, you will end up wasting a significant amount of time and effort trying to accomplish a goal that wasn’t really possible for you to achieve at all. A goal that isn’t attainable can lead you to disappointments in life. Let’s imagine that you set a goal for improving your self-esteem in a month. Realistically speaking, it is hard for you to achieve that kind of shift in attitude within 1 month. Once you do set this goal and don't gain it, you will have to make do with whatever progress you make. If you’re unable to reach the goal or achieve the objective that you have in mind, you will

further slip into the pits of depression and wouldn’t achieve what you have in mind. There is nothing wrong with trying to shoot for the stars, but if you don’t end up achieving what you have in mind, you’ll see your aims further slipping away from you. Smartly planning is a need that you should expertly plan for. Don’t get blown away by the prospect of brighter results, and always make sure that you remain smart about the objectives that you set for yourself. 4. Relevant The goal you set for yourself should be relevant to what you’re achieving. This is a crucial point to keep in mind while progressing towards achieving your goals. You cannot seriously set a goal that you have a hard time following upon. The goal you set should be easy to accomplish without any problem as such in the process. Imagine setting a goal for yourself that you effortlessly try to achieve during the time to come but end up seeing that it is not relevant to the end objective you have. For instance, your objective is to increase your selfesteem. Now, playing guitar every day for the coming 6 months does not help you in any way towards achieving that objective, so setting that as a goal is pointless. We discuss possible goals that you can set for yourself in this book, but if you want to set goals for yourself, make sure they are relevant. Knowing the objective behind the goal can often help you in making sure that it is appropriate. Being ambiguous about the objective isn’t a desirable practice and can lead you away from achieving the end goal, you have your eyes set on. 5. Timely

As is mentioned in the adage ‘time is money', time is a precious factor in your goal-setting procedure. Deadlines can help you in measuring or tracking your success as well. Learn how to set deadlines for yourself and make sure that you follow them. The timeline or deadline you set for yourself should be realistic and easy to follow if you start out. With the tips for goal setting above, you can set your own goals for achieving the objectives you have in mind for improving your self-esteem.

Habits You Can Form to Get Started Starting to work on your self-esteem is something that requires persistent efforts and dedication. You need to be dedicated to the task at hand and should persist with whatever progress you make as part of this effort. It is usual for women to encounter wavering self-esteem where they have bouts of too high self-esteem, followed by rounds where they feel bad about themselves. However, if you want to live as a productive and happy woman, you need to make some much-needed changes in your lifestyle. Healthy self-esteem is focused on small changes that you make to your lifestyle. These changes require you to be very honest to yourself so that there isn't anything you feel is currently lacking in your behavior. Honesty is something that you need to be extremely careful about. You cannot seriously expect to witness changes in your self-esteem if you aren't going, to be honest to yourself. You can start off the procedure by initiating changes in the following regards: Catch Yourself When You Compare Yourself to Others Comparing yourself to every living thing that breathes around can be extremely detrimental to your mental health. Not only are you stopping yourself from developing better self-esteem, but you’re also pushing down the mental image that you have of yourself. This isn't something that you would want to do, considering how motivated you are to better your selfesteem and make changes. People start running comparisons when they feel that they aren’t just good enough. You can start comparing yourself to others when you feel that you

aren’t good enough and should initiate your routine changes. These changes can mess you up and can make you feel low about yourself. When you start doing these changes, you feel low about yourself and think that you have an inadequate lifestyle or life choices. Whenever you compare yourself to someone around you, make sure that you negate the comparison through the realization that you are a unique person that brings something new to this world. You’re the best version that there can ever be of you; celebrate your uniqueness, and rid yourself of that thought as soon as you possibly can. Comparing oneself to others is more often than not followed by sessions of negative self-talk. You feel that you haven’t done the right things in life and follow the comparison you just made into a self-bashing session. Turn the Negative Self Talk Around All of us talk to ourselves. There is no shame in admitting that you can be your best mentor. Knowing this, you must turn the negative self-talk around and combat it through some positive pep talk. From the point that we made above, negative self-talks are bound to make way into your brain when you start comparing yourself to others. When you do that, you suddenly get the realization that you aren’t meant for much. This sudden realization is based on nothing but falsehood. Now, you can turn the negative self-talk into something positive by taking action right at the time. Your self-esteem can suffer a lot because of negative self-talk, which is why you need to turn the clock around by turning that negative self-talk into a positive session of self-reflection. There is no harm in positive self-talk, where you guide yourself to better life choices and feel optimistic about what you have achieved in life.

So, instead of feeling low about yourself and feeling down because you haven’t presumably achieved much in life, you should turn that around into positive pep talk for yourself about the opportunities that you have for yourself in the future. Be with Positive People To witness real mental growth, you need to surround yourself with a bunch of positive people. Positive people can do wonders to your attitude, which is why we mention that you should be around positive people more often than not. We, as humans, tend to absorb a lot from the kind of atmosphere we are in. The person you are with can help you a lot in growing in terms of your mental health. If you’re with people who continuously demean you or remind you of your insecurities, then you have minimal possibilities for growth. You need to be wary of the people you are around and work on this to experience growth in all possible manners. Women especially happen to absorb the energy around them a lot. If you're a stay at home mom, you don't want negative people to come around and put you down for your choices. Your choices define you; you cannot be put down for doing what you deem best for yourself and your children. Healthy self-esteem is more a doing of the extrinsic environment we are in than anything else. People with healthy self-esteem are extrinsically and intrinsically motivated. Remember All the Great Things you’ve done So, you’ve just gone through a negative session of self-talk and are feeling bad about yourself. We think that this doesn't define you in any manner, and you should work towards reminding yourself of the achievements you have had in life.

Remember the time in High School when you completely bossed that debate competition? Remember when you gave your friend some commendable advice? Remember when you helped build your relationship up by being true to yourself and your partner? Remember that first job you did and how good you were within the staff? All of these things define you and form the reason for you to be happy about yourself. We believe that you should have all of your great habits and the achievements you have done listed on a piece of paper. Whenever you are feeling good about yourself, you should remind yourself of these habits. Once you have these habits listed down, you can read through them to feel better about yourself and achieve the goals you have in mind in a better manner. Body Language Your body language can play an imperative role in determining how you feel about yourself or the people around you. We believe that the way you sit, the way you walk, and how you maintain your posture can all play an important role in determining the thoughts you have within your mind and how you react to them. For instance, the next time you are reminded of an adverse event, you should see the posture that you are maintaining. If you are slouching low against the couch and are in a distress position, then it is time to get up and sit upright. You must walk upright and maintain a posture that is truly a replication of someone positive about the life they live. Do not let negative experiences deter you in any manner. Always preserve that posture of yours and make sure that you properly tackle life and not in a slouched posture. Set Realistic Goals

We’ve already talked enough about this in this chapter. Setting realistic goals can help you a lot when it comes to learning from your mistakes and heading towards the purpose you have in mind. The goals you send end up defining the progress that you will make in life. Goals should be set with an eye on the target, with due analysis of whether you can achieve these goals in the best manner possible or not. You need to realize that setting heightened goals that aren't based on reality will push you down rather than pulling you up. You would feel even worse about yourself at the inability to accomplish these goals and wouldn't like the progress you make. Practice Self-Forgiveness This is perhaps one of the best habits you can apply when starting to improve your self-esteem. Your self-esteem can take a major jolt when you show the inability to forgive yourself for the basic mistakes you made at some stage of life. Forgive yourself for that relationship that didn’t work out; it wasn’t entirely your fault. Forgive yourself for feeling irritated after a tiring day, managing both office and home responsibilities. Forgive yourself for having a cheat day because you were tired of this new day. Forgive yourself for wearing a casual look someday because you were too tired to apply makeup and wear that fancy outfit. You can only experience true self-love when you learn how to forgive yourself. Life is a journey that goes on and on for you; you are bound to commit mistakes along the way. The fact that you will commit mistakes is what makes you human. You should make sure to forgive yourself for the mistakes because that will eventually help you love yourself.

Chapter 4 Understanding Self-Confidence and Self-Compassion

Having self-esteem is critical to relationships with yourself and with the world around you. Someone who has high self-esteem will seek out positive relationships and experiences in the world. There are many benefits of learning to love yourself, including: ●

A greater focus on what you can do, instead of considering your limitations

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Better willpower to eat healthier, exercise, and take care of yourself

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Better defense against mental health problems

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Greater acceptance of yourself

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More willingness to accept compliments

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Improved ability to handle stressful situations

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Less critical thoughts about yourself and others

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Improved ability to adapt

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Better confidence in your decisions and your decision-making abilities

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Ability to freely express your ideas, needs, feelings, and opinions

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Improved thought patterns

WHAT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE? Self-confidence is related to the actions you take. In a way, it is responsible for many of the decisions that you make in life. Think about how outgoing you are in life. Do you approach people you find attractive and ask them out? Do you step up when your boss asks for volunteers for an important client, or do you let someone else shine? Have you ever shied away from an opportunity because you weren’t sure that you would be able to succeed? All of these scenarios can be brought about by a lack of self-confidence. Self-confidence, therefore, is a strong belief in yourself that you can achieve. It believes that you can do what you set out to accomplish and knowing that even if you do not succeed, you will be okay at the end of the endeavor. It is easy to build self-confidence by taking action in your life. As you achieve more, you’ll naturally become more confident. The key is finding faith in yourself to try something for the first time. You do not know if you can achieve something without first stepping outside of your comfort zone and giving it a try.

Benefits of Self-Confidence Self-confident people believe they can perform intense situations. They are confident in their abilities to succeed. Even when they do not succeed, they are confident in their abilities to bounce back. Here are a few looks at the ways that self-confidence can change your life for the better: ●

Better ability to influence others

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More positive attitude

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A greater sense of purpose and value

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Better chance at experiencing new opportunities

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Improved leadership capabilities

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Greater chance of success in life

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Increased attractiveness

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Reduced anxiety, especially in stressful situations

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Improved motivation and increased likelihood to take action

Key Differences between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem Even though people often think of confidence and self-esteem as closely related terms, several things make them different. As you read these comparisons, reflect on what areas of your life you may be struggling in. Make a mental note of scenarios that seem familiar to you. One of the major differences between self-confidence and self-esteem is how they present. Generally, someone who has high self-esteem feels good about themselves regardless of the circumstances. If they feel optimistic about their role as an employee, they commonly feel positive about their

role at home and outside the workplace. Self-confidence, by contrast, may change based on the situation. Someone may be very confident in their ability to lead or work in a team but lack confidence in crunching numbers or playing sports. It is possible to be confident in one area of life without feeling confident in another. This makes self-confidence domain-specific, while self-esteem spans across all areas of life. One clear-cut example of this is retired tennis professional Andre Agassi, who is considered one of the leading tennis players of all time. Agassi is confident in his tennis abilities, despite later claims that he hated the sport. Even though Agassi excelled in tennis, he lacked self-esteem and a general feeling of confidence in other areas of his life. He has recently shared his story about depression, anxiety, and drug abuse, making it clear that even people who are confident or successful in their chosen life path can struggle with low self-esteem.

Building Self-Confidence vs. Building Self-Esteem Generally speaking, it is also easier to build self-confidence than selfesteem. Self-confidence can be built simply by practicing or being good at something. As people move through their lives, they have achievements, and their lists of abilities and accomplishments continue to grow. Even though these achievements build self-confidence, they do little to improve self-love. A person’s self-esteem cannot be accomplished by creating a repertoire of skills if they do not add to their value.

Factors that Influence Self-Esteem Self-esteem is something that develops over time. When you are young, self-esteem is something satisfied externally. People like friends at school, siblings, parents, and other relatives are close to playing a major role in how you feel about yourself. When they give positive feedback, it helps build self-esteem. Likewise, the way they treat you influences how you feel about your impact on the world. One of the reasons that some people struggle with self-esteem is that they were not given positive support and reinforcement; they needed to know their worthiness. Children with low self-esteem only continue to struggle as teenagers. Even if they are given approval from their peers, they still might struggle with their parents' judgment or criticism. Many factors influence self-esteem once you are an adult. This includes: ●

Your perception of others

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How others see you

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The way that you think about others

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Experience at work or in school

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Presence of disability or illness

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Religious or cultural traditions

Within these different factors, the ones you have the most control over are your thoughts and position. You’ll notice that many of the strategies provided for growing your self-esteem focus on changing your thoughts and the way you see the world around you. This allows change to happen from the inside out.

Factors That Influence Self-Confidence Self-confidence is something that grows over time. As you learn new skills, you become more confident in them. Even though skills will increase your self-confidence, they are not the only factor at play. Here are some other things that affect confidence: ●

Having a positive self-image

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Your perspective of the world

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Ability to handle mistakes and criticism

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How people around you view you

Even though self-esteem and self-confidence are two unique characteristics, some strategies can encourage growth in both areas. However, some other techniques may be more effective in growing one or the other. You are highly encouraged to read all the chapters, as each helps you form a critical building block of personal development. This will help you grow your confidence, seize new opportunities, try new things, and have the self-love to create positive relationships and make wise lifestyle choices.

Chapter 5 Self Confidence Development

Self-Confidence is a feeling about your abilities and skills. It ensures that you embrace, trust, and feel guided in your life. You have a very positive view of your own strength and weakness. You set specific goals and targets, communicate effectively, and critique. On the other side, you can feel full of self-confidence, reactive or subordinate, or have trouble trusting others. You may feel lower, unloved, or essential. You may depend on the circumstances to feel confident about yourself. For instance, in specific fields such as education, you can feel pretty sure, but you do not have confidence in others, such as ties. High or low independence also relies on your existing skills and primarily on your expectations. You may think of yourself in ideas, and these impressions may be flawed. Short autonomy may derive from various experiences, including having grown up in an oppressive and essential setting, being isolated first from your family or friends, being too harsh to judge yourself, or having a fear of failure. Persons with little selfconfidence frequently make mistakes. Self-Confidence, from better mental health to helping individuals achieve their business objectives and so on, occurs in many ways. Self-confidence is much more than a word; it is a real concept that has to do with mental health, well-being, and the environment. Autonomy involves both thinking and doing. Self-confidence is not just a single idea but a system where one talks about oneself and others and how they work despite difficulties and uncertainty.

The inner, private life and its external world around him are immune to trust.

Description of self-confidence: What does self-confidence mean? So, the ability to learn yourself, trust yourself, and behave on your convictions is self-confidence. A concept of self-confidence is a positive feeling and a positive sense of self-respect, which results in brave acts. The description describes what self-confidence is not Such examples show how trust may feel. Confidence means defining yourself for whosoever you are, independent of your faults, the sort of job you do or do not, etc. Feel good about yourself; feel capable of being brave enough to stand up for yourself to be assertive, Feel that you are worthy of respect and friendship of others, and understand and respect you both, including your weaknesses and strengths. Confidence is not self-confidence: you believe you are right, or you assume you must be great Holding yourselves to unreasonable standards and expectations Life in a way free of challenges, misery, and hardship (but self-confidence lets you deal with life’s issues, pain, and difficulties). Is self-confidence matches self-esteem? Personal confidence and personal-esteem are quite related, but they are not entirely equal. Trust can be described as positive emotions about oneself and the environment that influences others' behavior. The degree to which someone respects himself is sometimes defined as self-esteem. There is also a term called self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is confidence in someone’s ability to achieve something. All three principles are not the same but are closely linked. Self-esteem reflects the thoughts herself of someone. The extent to which someone feels they can do something is emphasized by self-efficacy. Confidence, focusing

on embracing someone’s entire self and how it works through it in the universe, maybe a perfect combination of self-esteem and self-efficacy. Why necessary is it for someone to gain confidence? The essence of self-confidence is: “a value-of-life problem”. The key issue is quality of life. The identity that someone builds for themselves relies on self-confidence. A lack of trust impacts people’s quality of life adversely—a lack of satisfaction, Depression, anxiety, and other threats to our mental health. Also, self-confidence offers us the awareness of talents, limits, and how we live our lives with tolerances to our own failings and the understanding that perfectionism is either not necessary or appropriate. While a feeling of wrong, a sense of low self-esteem generates feelings of self-defense. A concept of self-confidence is self-confident since you trust in your proper value. Real faith means that you enjoy your own selves even if you don’t like stuff about yourself.

Enhancing Self Confidence Increasing Self Confidence •

Identify the qualities and highlight them. Pay tribute and appreciation

for your success and your development. •

Behave yourself with love and compassion when you trip over an

obstacle. Don't just dwell with loss. • Set goals that are realistically achievable. Don't expect perfection; in every aspect of life, it's challenging to be flawless. • Slow down when you experience intense feelings and think about the situation critically. •

Challenge yourself, others, and circumstances. Make assumptions.

•

Recognize the perceptions from past negative existence do not

determine the future. •

Talk directly and politely about your thoughts, values, and desires.

Learn to say no to ridiculous demands.

Boosting Self Confidence Many of the ideas you suggest make people feel good and help to build trust. But I would like to see your comments on this subject in general. It can be quite difficult to take time for one's hopes and desires, do things differently than most others, and simply not "fit in". Never spoke the more real words. Timing your goals, getting rid of the conventional mold, and really being yourself is nearly impossible if you're self-esteem and selfconfidence. If you have little trust, may anything be accomplished that will improve you? Trying to take control of your faith. Is your confidence in your possession? You can be a respectable man and one who, given others' dislikes, can do what he desires. You can do this through command and self-confidence. You can do this. You will boost your self-confidence without anyone else by making concrete actions that enhance your integrity and self-image. The 25 concrete actions 1. Groom yourselves . It seems so easy, but it is amazing how a shower and a rasp will make a difference in your own self-confidence and self-image. Days ago, with such one little thing, I changed my mood completely. 2. Good outfit. A counterpoint of the first element... you can feel perfect about yourself if you dress nicely. You should feel triumphant, ready to deal with the world. Today, the dressing does not mean wearing a $500 ensemble but could mean casual clothing that looks nice and is presentable to everyone. 3. Pixelate your own self-image . The picture of ourselves represents so much to us than we often recognize. This determines how comfortable we are within ourselves. We have a mental image of ourselves, but this is not a set and unchanging image. You should change it. Take advantage of your

photoshopping expertise and focus on yourself. Switch it if it isn't really healthy. Find out why and find some way to improve yourself in that direction. 4. Think positively. I remember almost two years ago when I started working on substituting negative thoughts with positive ones. How I can change my mind to make big things happen by doing so. I was able to coach and perform a marathon in just one year with this limited capacity. Norman Vincent Peale seems so flat, but it works to my goodness. Really. If you haven't, do it. Try it. 5. Remove negative thinking . The above thing goes hand in hand, but I must render it a different product. You will strive to be mindful of your selftalk, your emotions, and what you do. Occasionally, when I was working, my subconscious started to say, "It is too complicated. Okay, I soon learned to understand this negative self-reaction. Then I discovered a technique that improved everything in my life: I considered negative thinking to be a virus, and I would be looking for those bugs closely. I stumped it (mental, of course) and crushed it when I saw one of them. Destroy the dead. Then substitute a good one for it. Learn yourself, and you will conquer both fights. ("Come on, I could do this! Only 1 mile away!") Sun Tzu. 6. Recognize yourself . When the wisest man goes to war, he knows very well to recognize his opponent. If you know him, you can't defeat the opponent. The opponent is you as you try to overcome and substitute the self-confidence with a negative self-image. Get well familiar with yourself. Begin to hear your opinions. Begin to write a newspaper about yourself and your feelings to examine why you have so many negative thoughts. And then think of your good stuff, the stuff you can do very well, the things you want. Begin to think about your constraints, and if they are real or only

restrictions, you have created them to be unfairly put there. Dig deep inside yourself, and (eventually) you can come out with more trust. 7. Be optimistic. You have to do it more than just think positively. Ultimately, the behavior is the secret to self-assurance. Another thing is to understand to think positively; however, you adjust yourself once at a time once you start acting on it. You are what you are doing, and once you alter what you are doing, you are changing what you are doing. Live positively, live rather than say that you can't be optimistic. Put efforts into your acts, talk positively to men. Perhaps you will start to see a difference. 8. Be compassionate and kind . Yeah, so cool. Ah, so sweet. If that's too fake, go ahead. However, it is a great way for the rest of you to enhance your self-image to be kind to and compassionate with yourself and the energy you have. You are acting following Golden Rule, so you begin to feel comfortable and believe you are a good person. Believe me, it does miracles for your esteem. Self-confidence is an essential key to success. Preparation is a gateway to self-confidence. Ashe Arthur 9. Get organized. When you think you won't do anything positive, it is hard to have faith in yourself. Avoid this emotion as often as possible by educating yourself. Think of taking an exam: you won't have much confidence in your ability to do the test well when you haven't practiced. But you're trained, and you're much more relaxed if you've practiced your butt off. So, think about life as an experiment and get set. 10. Link and follow the principles . What are beliefs driving your life? You're going to have trouble if you don't ask if you feel directionless in your life. To me, I seek (and struggle most times) to follow the Golden Rule. This is my main principle, and I am trying to live my life accordingly. Some I have, but mostly in one way (the biggest exception to Live My Passion),

are associated with that law. Think of your values, maybe you had them, but perhaps you didn't think a lot about them. Just talk about whether you are actually living or trusting in these values, but you don't comply with them. 11. Whisper. This is so easy, but the way many people perceive you will make a big difference. A licensed person speaks gradually, with authority. This illustrates confidence. A person who feels he should not listen will talk soon because he doesn't want others to pause for something that isn't worth hearing. Even if someone who speaks gradually doesn't feel the confidence, consider doing this a couple of times. It will raise your trust. Don't push it too far, obviously, but don't even feel hurried. 12. Stand big . I have a terrible attitude, so it's going to sound wrong to tell me, but I realize it works as I often do it. I feel really much better about myself when I consider standing upright. It seems to me that the cord lifts up my head to the ceiling, which lightens the rest of my skin. On the other side, those who are strong and optimistic are more appealing. Any day, in my mind, that's a good thing. 13. Enhance expertise . How would you feel quite skilled? By being more professional. How do you do this? Via study and practice. Only render small pieces at a time. For example, don't try to address the whole writing profession at once if you want to be a more professional author. Only start writing more: the journal, the website, the articles, the freelance. The further you compose, the more you're going to be. Enable 30 mins a day (e.g.), and the training will improve the abilities. 14. Place and achieve a small goal . Many people are wrong about aiming at the moon, and then they become depressed as they crash. Shoot for something even more realistic instead. Set out and then meet a goal you believe you will accomplish. That's going to feel good. Now set a specific

purpose and achieve it. The tinier you gain, the more you are there, and the happier you look. Eventually, you can set (but still attainable) larger targets and also reach them. 15. Switch a little habit. Not a perfect one, like waiting to smoke. Just a little one like to write down things. Or just wake up ten minutes beforehand. When you watch out, you will drink a glass of water. There's something simple, you think you can do. Allow it a month. You should look like a million bucks when you have done this. 16. Concentrating on options . Shift the attention now if you worry or dwell on issues. Option rather than struggle is one of the best things you can do to maintain your safety and career. "I am big and faint-hearted!" What are you going to do then? "But I can't get myself to be inspired! "What are you going to solve? "I don't have time, though!" What's the answer, then? 17. Smile. A second series. This function, though. If I smile, I feel immediately happier, and it allows me to be more childlike to others. A small thing, a response to the string, is not a wrong time and energy investment. 18. Willingness . Similar to above, but more precise, "be kind and gracious." This is the time of the holiday season... Could you make time for a good cause and kindly give your cheer for a holiday to improve others' lives? It will be some of the ideal time you ever had, and an incredible side benefit is that you feel better afterward. 19. Be Thankful. I'm a true thankful believer, as everybody who follows this post for a very long time understands. So, I place it here, as I am grateful for what you have in your life and what many people have offered you. This is a very modest task... it could also be an experience that is very encouraging and gratifying and strengthens yourself.

20. Do Exercise. Gosh, nearly any page I seem to place there. I would do you a disservice, though, if I skipped this thread. Learning in the last few years has been one of the most rewarding acts and helped me feel a lot better about myself. You only have to walk a couple of hours a week, you'll see benefits. Begin the routine. Continue the cycle. 21. Make yourself aware of the truth. Generally, motivation is one of the best self-esteem building techniques. You can do so in many respects, but the information is one of the most secure ways to inspire yourself. In the same way, you develop and train yourself, by becoming more educated, you will have greater confidence... and by reading and learning, you will become more informed. The internet is a fantastic tool, no doubt, but so are those around you, men, newspapers, magazines, and educational institutions. It is a great tool. 22. Do something that you've been doing . What's the to-do that was there on your to-do list? Process it in the morning first, then take it out. Yourself, you're going to feel amazing. 23. Stay active. Get involved. It is almost always easier to do something than to do zero. Something can naturally lead to errors.... but errors are a part of life. That is how we think. All we know. We would never get stronger without mistakes. Don't think about that, don't stress about that. Do something. Get out of your ass and become active— physically or passively by doing something. 24. Work on little things . Trying to do a large project or mission will cause us, even the best of us, intimidating and challenging. Instead, train to crack small pieces and operate in fires. Small successes make you feel good and add up to large outcomes. Find a way to work like that all the time, and you will be a trustworthy psychopath soon.

25. Only remove your office . Remove your computer. This might look like a small, clear item (then it may not be so tiny for some of you). But, for me, it still worked miracles. When my office gets messy, and the universe is in turmoil, destroying my desk is my way of taking care of a small piece of my life. Amid the wind, it's quiet.

Chapter 6 Why Do Women Suffer Poor Self Image? Self-esteem is fundamental to identity and a critical ingredient in anyone’s ability to feel genuine happiness. It helps us feel validated from within, but this self-worth can sometimes be toppled by external forces despite having a strong resolve. Women are especially susceptible to this as the media and society at large control what is “acceptable”, particularly in terms of appearance, behavior, and societal roles.

Society and Negative Self-Image There’s no getting away from it, popular consensus highly regards “thinness” as a factor of beauty in this day and age. While this perception may be changing somewhat in recent years, I would still argue this notion holds true in most women's minds. It’s often portrayed to go hand-in-hand with success, wealth, and social status. We see images of slender women in almost every form of media - magazines, television, billboards, movies, etc. Due to this constant bombardment, many women are driven to believe that achieving this level of appearance is the answer to getting everything they wish from life. The subconscious mind reverts to the habit of comparing yourself to others in this regard. Friends, family, and significant others also play their part. These people may frequently and explicitly tell you less than good things about the way you look. It can be difficult to ignore these individuals entirely. Your close and constant proximity to them, if you are not careful, in addition to valuing their opinions by default, makes it easy to spiral down into negative thinking. Another culprit worth mentioning is the highly influential and profitable weight loss industry. While some of these companies do have our best interests at heart, especially the more nutritionally based and health-centric businesses. Others simply exist to sell us false dreams of a better life by counting calories, or worse, crash dieting. They thrive on our insecurities, which ultimately results in us purchasing their products and trying their fade diets to achieve our dreams for the small fee of $49! They are banking on the belief that we are not enough, and they are on hand to help, that their weight loss products and programs can make us feel happy and complete once more. While it’s a good idea to exercise regularly and eat

clean foods to maintain a healthy weight, it should primarily be done for the sake of better health and not to seek validation from others.

Body Image Awareness Body image is all about how we see our physical selves. A distorted body image is an unrealistic perception of one’s own body. The official term is body dysmorphia, and we all have it to some degree. It’s a simple and easy thing to manage with a little rationality and common sense for most women. Growing comfortable in your own skin also very much comes with maturity. Much like overall self-esteem in general, negative body image can stem from childhood experiences and an unhealthy comparison with society later in life. Of course, friends and family also play a role here. Even though you may fall within the normal weight range, a distorted body image can result from statements like, “if you just lose those last 5 lbs., you’d look really great”. These seemingly well-intentioned and subtle suggestions can significantly impact time if you do not learn to properly manage your thoughts. Not ever feeling attractive enough is an exhausting emotion to the harbor. The question, therefore, maybe. “Is there a way to stop being too critical of your physical appearance? Will there be a time when you won’t obsess about the tiniest of flaws?” Again, this somewhat comes with age, but if you wish to combat this more proactively, the following are the warning signs of negative or distorted body image to watch out for: ●

Being overly observant of your features when looking in mirrors

●

Obsessively comparing yourself to others

●

Being always envious of role models and celebrities

Like problems with low self-esteem, a negative body image isn’t something to be solved by sweeping it under the rug. For proper recovery to take place,

it’s essential to recognize the problem, to begin with. To acknowledge the negative feelings that you are currently dealing with. Discover how to make your body feel comfortable while eradicating the irrational thoughts of not being enough. Movement and dance therapy are great alternative methods to improve one’s body image. They can be used as a tool to help build trust and appreciate your body through creative expression and experimentation. It will feel strange and uncomfortable at first, but I have seen many women flower once just a small degree of competence is achieved. It’s a liberating practice with so many confidences building and health-related benefits.

Poor Self-Image and Relationships As I have already pointed out, today’s beauty standards can be too high and demanding for the average person to achieve. We are all different and should be encouraged to embrace these differences. We often can’t help but aspire to these ideals, have that perfect physique or face, resemble that actress or TV presenter. We intuitively know that it’s what’s on the inside that matters, really. Our physical bodies shouldn’t have to be a determining factor of our worth, nor should it overbearingly affect how we feel about ourselves. However, this is a difficult concept to grasp for most, especially those who already have a poor self-image. More often than not, they are already dealing with feelings of self-hate and worthlessness, and they may well be on their way to triggering depression or developing an eating disorder in extreme cases. In this sense, a negative self-image will have a massive impact on relationships, no matter what kind. It will affect how we feel and how we

interact with others on every level. This almost always puts undue pressure on couples. In a romantic relationship, someone who has a negative selfimage will usually offer encouragement to counter the negativity, hoping to solve it. Even the most well-intentioned comments and honest compliments will fall on deaf ears to those with a poor self-image. This will spark additional tensions and inevitably cause the relationship to suffer. It can also affect a couple’s intimacy. Someone who doesn’t feel satisfied with the way they look will typically struggle with intimacy. Feelings of unattractiveness and low self-confidence will cause them to second-guess their partner’s feelings and attraction towards them. They may feel uncomfortable being touched or being naked in front of them. Suppose you feel that you are dealing with a poor self-image and notice that it’s already affecting your relationships and life in general. In that case, you should consider having a self-image makeover. Here are some of the things you can do to achieve this, albeit slowly: 1. Choose to see your accomplishments Dwelling on your outer appearance all the time isn’t going to do you any good. You don’t look like anybody else, and if you keep on comparing yourself to those around you, there will always be moments when you are going to fall short. Instead of nitpicking all your physical flaws, channel your energy into reminding yourself of what you’re good at. 2. Say no to negative self-talk Women can be overly critical of themselves; somehow, it’s easy for us to see our flaws when looking in the mirror. While we already know that no one is perfect and there will always be details, we wish we could change ourselves. The ability to accept oneself wholly is what truly sets happy people apart from those who have a negative self-image.

This isn’t going to be an overnight change, of course. The transition from negative to positive thinking can take some time, so you have to be patient with yourself. Keep those negative thoughts at bay and do a little more each day to build that snowball of positive self-image bit-by-bit. 3. Take baby steps If you are really dissatisfied with your physical appearance to the point that even shifting your thoughts isn’t working, your list of viable solutions for achieving happiness will become shorter. You can try harder and be more patient when fully accepting yourself, or you can do something to change what you dislike about your body by focusing on one small change at a time. Instead of signing up for the gym, dance class, and new diet plan all in one go. Knock each off one month at a time. Start with just 30 minutes of exercise per day for the first month, walking, cycling or swimming, etc. Then add in that Pilates class once a week the following month. Once you have these activities fully rocking, start improving your diet with cleaner carbohydrates and reduced sugar meals. Taking on these tasks, one at a time, makes them exponentially more comfortable to achieve and more critically more sustainable in the long term. 4 . Open yourself up to others This will be the most difficult for some, but if you want to stop viewing yourself in such a negative light, you need to start letting the people around you know how you truly feel. This is required all the more if you are in a committed relationship. Your significant other shouldn’t be kept in the dark about the anxieties you feel regarding your self-image. You need to open up to them, and in doing so, they’ll better understand what you’re going through and the reasons for your actions and behaviors. The more they know, the

more they’ll be able to figure out a way to help you get through your troubles. Sometimes, even the support of loved ones may fall short in talking you out of your negative self-image. In such instances, it might be best to speak to a counselor about your feelings. A professional’s opinions can help you gain a better perspective of your situation, and they can teach you how to manage your negative thoughts. They will help you understand what triggers your poor self-image and lead you to solutions that can significantly improve how you see yourself. These seemingly small steps can be the change you need to make a big difference in getting your happiness back on track. The key is to integrate small changes into your life little by little in ways that are not overwhelming and help you gain a healthier disposition each day. Regaining a healthier self-image is a marathon, not a sprint. Making just a 1% improvement each week will compound into a huge improvement in no time at all.

Chapter 7 Developing Self-Awareness

If you are reading this book, chances are you are at least aware that your life is not going where you want it. You might want more—but are afraid to take steps to get there. You also might find yourself wondering what your purpose is or what the point of is life. In this chapter, we’ll discuss selfawareness and how it correlates to your confidence and self-esteem. Being self-aware simply means being in tune with your emotions, your thoughts, and your needs. It also means being aware of your motivations and decisionmaking patterns, which play a significant role in your actions and how you interact with the world around you. Self-awareness describes a heightened state of understanding that helps you become closer with yourself on a deeper level. You begin to see the obstacles that stand in your way, as well as what you can do to overcome them. By living a life of progress and development, you can feel proud and confident in your journey. By deciding which parts of your personality you want to shine, you can effectively create the life you want to live.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem People who live with low self-esteem usually develop it years before they realize what is going on. Some may still be struggling with the problems they had in their adolescence. Other people may begin working with their self-esteem in adulthood as they try to build a life they can appreciate. Regardless of when feelings of low self-esteem begin, the first step is identifying that you are struggling. Here are some of the most common signs of low self-esteem: ● Always thinking negative thoughts about yourself ●

Focusing heavily on your flaws and weaknesses, without the intent of inspiring change or fixing a problem

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Difficulty handling stressful situations

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Fear of failure

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Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback

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A need to have the approval or reassurance of others

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A need to establish social status or show of possessions to seem more appealing to others

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Difficulty trying new things

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Behaviors like promiscuity, drinking, using drugs, and acting impulsively

If you recognized at least 3 of the behaviors above, you might struggle with self-esteem. You can also consider your overall feelings about yourself. If you feel confident in yourself and feel that you have a purpose, you probably have good self-esteem. However, if you are unsure of your purpose in life, you might be struggling with self-love.

Signs of Low Self-Confidence Lacking confidence can drastically impact your life. It affects the people you are comfortable approaching and the situations that you put yourself in. There are many signs of low self-confidence, including: ●

You cannot leave the house without doing your hair and makeup or otherwise priming yourself

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You back down in disagreements to avoid conflict

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You use your phone frequently in social situations

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You are indecisive, even when making simple decisions like where to eat

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You have trouble sharing your opinion with others

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You have trouble accepting constructive criticism

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You have poor posture

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You compare yourself with others

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You have trouble accepting compliments

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You give up on goals easily and have trouble trying new things

If you have 4-5 of these characteristics, you may struggle with selfconfidence. Remember that confidence can be situational. You may feel confident at work, for example, but struggle in social situations.

Becoming Self-Aware Self-awareness is something that occurs in levels. Studies show that a person generally becomes aware of themselves and how they differentiate from the people around them, beginning around age 18 months. For children, a heightened state of self-awareness is developed by age 4 or 5. At this time, they understand their movements in a mirror are their own, and they can identify themselves in pictures and videos. There is also an understanding that they exist from the perspective of others as well. This self-awareness continues through life, but it is the way that it is used that affects the role that being self-aware has in our lives. Public Vs. Personal Self-Awareness People eventually develop two types of self-awareness. The first type is public self-awareness, which is a heightened awareness of how other people perceive you. Public self-awareness is the reason people make individual decisions in public to go along with social norms. It is most common when people are the center of attention, such as telling a story to their friends or giving a presentation at work. When people focus too much on adhering to societal norms, it can cause anxiety or distress. They may worry too much about how people will respond to them, so they hang back in social situations and avoid trying new things because they are afraid of reacting. When you have too much public self-awareness, it can cause you to question your own decisions and actions. This indecisiveness decreases self-confidence and self-esteem. Private self-awareness describes the way that you are aware of yourself. It is not usually physical aspects since it describes an internal and personal awareness. It may be the physical symptoms like butterflies in your stomach when you see someone you are attracted to or the panic that sets in when you

realize you have not studied for your test. Even though nobody around you can tell that your palms are sweating (unless they are physically shaking your hand), you are personally aware of your nervousness. How to Use Personal and Public Awareness The goal of self-awareness is not to make yourself self-conscious. In fact, you should not put yourself in a position where you are incredibly anxious or questioning your decisions. Be aware of everything. Be mindful of your strengths and weaknesses. Be aware of those times you have succeeded in tough situations, and the mistakes taught you lessons. When considering public awareness, be aware of how people’s perceptions of you affect your relationship and the offered opportunities. The proper way to use self-awareness is to use it in a way that better yourself. Someone who does not share their office ideas because they are afraid of others' judgment will miss out on opportunities like leading a project or taking on a high-profile client. Their boss perceives them as someone who does not have innovative ideas or lacks self-confidence and gives them more essential roles in the organization to someone, they think is more capable of handling the situation. As you become aware of the strengths and weaknesses, you can learn to harness those strengths to build on useful skills. You also know which areas you can improve in. Another benefit is better quality relationships. When you are aware of personal relationships and how the other person feels about you, you gain insight into making the relationship better. For example, someone may be aware that their mom is sad at the end of their visits. This perception might cause them to ask her what is wrong—she just might be unhappy because they don’t visit often, and she knows she won’t see them for a while.

Finally, becoming self-aware helps you learn how to nurture yourself. Your goals become more evident as you realize what makes you happy and fill you with purpose. The benefit of individual relationships in your life will also become more transparent. You’ll learn which relationships to give your energy and attention to, as well as which relationships are bringing you further from your life’s path or that hurt your life. Overall, you’ll have a better insight into what you need to do to make your goals a reality. Increasing Self-Awareness with Meditation Meditation is often grouped with spiritual habits or religion. However, regularly meditating does not have to be about religion. It is about discipline. Meditation is a form of mental discipline that quiets the busy chatter many people have in their minds. Think back to the last time that you were eating or taking a shower. Do you spend your lunch break at work enjoying your food and taking a much-needed break so your mind can refresh? Or are you thinking about the things you want to finish before going home for the night? Are you stressing over life when you are in the shower? Or are you taking the time to enjoy the warmth of the water after a tiring day and the pleasant feeling of getting clean? The average person lives a busy life. It is generally believed that if you want to be successful, you have to stay active. There is always something else to be done, and it is common to spend the time that should be spent relaxing worrying about those unfinished things. This is the reality of life for many people, but it creates an unhappy existence. When you do not give yourself the time to slow down and reflect on your life, you do not give yourself the time you need to prepare yourself for self-improvement. Then, without having a specific goal, you may find yourself stuck in the same pattern all through your life. Benefits of Meditation for Self-Awareness

Meditation is often referred to as ‘the path to enlightenment’. Self-aware people know themselves on a deeper level, and this allows them to shape their life. Meditation is built on many principles, particularly those followed in Buddhism, Taoism, and other religions. The goal with this meditation, however, does not have to be religious. When you meditate for selfreflection, you are looking within to understand yourself because you are the creator of your life. You are the only person who can decide if you keep working a dead-end job or take steps to further your dreams. You are the only person who can determine if you want to spend the rest of your life with the person you are dating or if they pull you away from your life’s path. Here’s a look at how self-reflective meditation can change your life. ●

Building a foundation of truth- People do not always know who they are at the core of their being. Other times, they may have strayed so far from their beliefs that they have lost the meaning of what they were. Meditation reflection helps you see those areas where you have deviated from your value system. It also allows you to see the areas where you have stayed the course. This gives insight into some of your strengths.

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Better use of talent- Sometimes, we end up pushed down life’s path with little thought to what we are good at. Consider someone who has an art degree from college—but works in a factory because it was the first open position they found after graduating college. Even though they are talented as artists, they are always tired from work and don’t work to advance that talent. They get stuck in this job even though they despise it and eventually end up staying on because of their loyalty to the company. However, they are miserable with their lives, and their passions are going to waste. When you reflect on things that make you happy, you can see the talents you have tucked away. By reflecting on these strengths, you

can find the inspiration to grow them and use them in a way that benefits your life. ●

Improved goal-mindedness- When you do not set goals for yourself, you move through life aimlessly and without direction. There is no pressure to do something, so it is easy to say you will start ‘tomorrow’ or ‘next month’. If you do not hold yourself to it, however, you will never see results. Reflection gives you time to think about your goals and the path to achieving them. It also lets you set time aside to consider your accountability in meeting your goals and whether you are actively trying to reach them.

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Increased ability to be a positive influence- It only takes a few bad interactions to develop a negative reputation. Nobody wants to be labeled as ‘quiet’ or ‘weird’ or ‘angry’. Unfortunately, people do not always clearly read the signals we are trying to send. Even when you are trying to be positive, you may be glimpsing over areas of life. When you slow down and reflect, it allows you to be sure your actions reflect who you want to be perceived as. This lets you become a positive influence in the lives of the people around you.

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A better understanding of the subconscious mind- The subconscious mind is responsible for storing all our memories, thoughts, and responses to different stimuli. It is the reason someone who has been abused flinches when their partner moves too fast during an argument, even if that person has never harmed them. It is the reason that someone doublechecks the locks every night after things are stolen. Their subconscious mind is picking up patterns and relaying information. When you meditate, you gain insight into the subconscious mind and the underlying memories, emotions, and thoughts that may be causing unwanted reactions to different stimuli.

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Better chance of hindering self-sabotage- Sometimes, people selfsabotage because they do not believe they are worthy of something. Other times, they may self-sabotage because they are not confident in performing. For example, a college student might wake up late for their midterm if they are afraid, they will fail anyway because they would rather miss it altogether than admit they needed to study the material more.

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A greater sense of empowerment- When used the right way, meditation can be incredibly empowering. It lets you understand what has been holding you back and clarifies your path to your goals. By doing this, you become the master of your own destiny and the creator of the life that you want.

How to Meditate for Self-Reflection As you meditate, you should be open to transformation and the idea that you will reveal truths about yourself. Keep in mind that quieting the mind is difficult. This is especially true for people who have busy lifestyles and those who are always thinking. Disciplining your mind is a challenge, and it takes time to learn. You may not even be able to keep a blank mind for more than ten seconds the first time you attempt meditation, but that is normal. As you continue to practice, you’ll notice that you can clear your mind for more extended periods. One of the great things about meditation is that it can be done anywhere. However, it is best for people who are beginning to do meditation somewhere that doesn’t have distractions. While a master can meditate anywhere, it takes a great deal of practice to achieve this mental discipline level. You should not think of distraction as just noise or the engagement of other people. Being distracted can also stem from wearing clothes that are too tight or itchy or having your phone go off while trying to clear your

mind. Wear something comfortable, be sure the room is at a suitable temperature, and turn your ringer off. You should also consider the time you meditate—meditating just before or after a meal can make you distracted because you are feeling hungry or bloated. Once you have set the environment, sit in a comfortable position. It is traditional to sit on the ground, a mat, or a cushion, with crossed legs and feet sitting on top of your thighs. However, this stretching can be painful for someone who has not done this. It is also acceptable to sit on a chair with feet touching the ground or on the floor with crossed legs (but without feet on thighs). After you are sitting comfortably, lengthen your spine. You should not stretch so much that you feel uncomfortable, but you should not be slouching. Your shoulders should be sitting directly over your hip bones, and your spine should not be bent. Now, close your eyes and begin focusing on your breaths. Count to five as you breathe in deeply, filling your abdomen. Then, release this breath slowly as you count. Inhale to five. Exhale to five. Now, as you exhale, imagine that you are blowing your thoughts into balloons or clouds. Put all the things that worry you or stress you into these balloons and let them float away. They may come back to you later, but right now, the focus is clearing your mind of all the constant chatter that worry and stress bring. Continue to breathe as you do this. Eventually, the breathing will become more natural, and you will not have to count. You can still think, “In”, “Out”, if you would like, to help you keep your mind clear. After you have achieved a state of focus, try to maintain it. Remember that your goal is to stop your mind from being ‘noisy’. You should not be worried about your upcoming presentation or what you are going to eat for dinner. You should expect some of these thoughts to interrupt. When you do find yourself thinking or worrying, let the thought float by. Do not judge the

thought or criticize yourself for having a thought. Learn to release those thoughts that cause you anxiety or stress. Remember that many people struggle with meditation, especially in the first few sessions. It is a good idea to start with five minutes and gradually add onto it, once you have managed to keep your mind quiet for that time. People struggling with meditation might improve their results by imagining something in their minds, like a traffic light or tree. Once your breaths become natural, imagine the object in your mind. You should choose an everyday object that you would not usually give a second thought to. Close your eyes and visualize that item. Do not think about it or what it is for—just see it in your mind. Try to keep your thoughts clear as you do this. Once you feel comfortable, let that object move farther away in your mind’s eye. It should eventually disappear altogether. Another option is to stare at a flickering candle flame or watch smoke from an incense burning as you meditate.

Journaling for Self-Awareness Journaling is not something that sensitive people do to handle their feelings. Journaling can be a healthy way to express yourself—but it is also a useful tool that can help you achieve greater self-awareness. The key to journaling is writing freely. You should always write as if nobody else is going to read what you have written. If you worry about others invading your privacy, write and then shred or rip up the paper if you want. Remember that journaling is for you. Once you have discovered your thoughts, you do not need them written down any longer. If you are meditating regularly, the best time to journal is right after meditation. Your transformative thoughts will be freshest then. The best way to journal is to find a quiet area, grab paper and a writing utensil, and set a timer. Write until the timer goes off. Do not take the time to organize your thoughts or spell words correctly. Just let whatever you have to say flow. Remember that nobody is reading this. It is not being entered in any kind of contest. Your only goal should be establishing honesty with yourself. It can be challenging to get started writing. Remember that your focus should not be on your day-to-day experiences unless you have had influential or profound encounters throughout the day. Instead, focus on the bigger picture and what you want from life. Stay goal-oriented and transformation-focused as you write. If you aren’t sure where to get started, here are some thought-provoking prompts: ●

What do I want to let go of?

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How would I rate myself in life at the present moment on a scale of 1-5? Why? (Do this for different areas of your life, such as spiritual health, overall mindset, relationships, career, physical health, self-care, etc.)

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My day-to-day life looks like…

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What have I done to get in my way? How have I sabotaged myself?

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How do I feel now? How do I want to feel? How do I get there?

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What future do I visualize for myself?

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How can I make my future a reality? Do I make excuses in the day-today to avoid my discomfort?

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Imagine that you are your future self. What words of wisdom do you have?

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What would I say to my teenage self now? How would that change my future?

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Am I happy in my current relationship? My present work fields?

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What does unconditional love look like? Do I experience that from people in my life?

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What is one thing you wish others knew about you?

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Talk about one time you had to make an ethical decision, and you did the right thing. Are there any times when your actions haven’t aligned with your moral values?

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What parts of your life are you in love with?

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Do you love your hobbies? Why or why not? What hobbies could you love?

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Is there anything you didn’t do because someone else discouraged you? How can you make it a reality?

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Do you think your personal self-awareness aligns with your public selfawareness?

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Think about the most confident person you know, famous, a coworker, or otherwise. What does that person have that you don’t? Try mimicking their calm, sure exterior next time you are in a stressful situation.

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Has anything made you cry the last week? What was it, and why?

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Have you ever acted rashly out of emotion? Was there anything in your past that might have triggered you to react that way?

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Write a list of questions you want to have answered. Now, try your best to answer them.

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Visualize the future you pictured for yourself as a teenager. What surprises you the most about your life?

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What are some things that inspire you? Can you take this inspiration and turn it into a passion for work or a hobby?

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Name one thing you need to know to live a more fulfilling life. Now, get out there and learn it.

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Think about 2-3 of your biggest mistakes. What lesson did you learn from each of them?

The first step to willing change is knowing that change needs to occur. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses in life. Notice how people and situations take you closer to or farther from your life’s goals and true happiness. As you develop greater self-awareness, the things you need will become more evident. Remember to keep a mind that is open to and accepting of the change. After all, the only way to increase self-esteem and self-confidence is to start positive change.

Chapter 8

Recognize and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts

Knowing the responsibilities that lie on your shoulders, you have to be extremely wary of all self-defeating thoughts and take due action to recognize and replace them. As we have discussed in detail above, the problems you are going through are self-defeating thoughts and perceptions. You are challenged by the beliefs you host within, and you’re not actively pursuing to challenge or change those beliefs that have become so deeply associated with you. These beliefs now dictate the way you think, act, and do everything around you.

Defining Self-Defeating Thoughts When people happen to be depressed or anxious, or low on self-esteem, they react to everything present around them. Under this condition, they develop the habit of overthinking almost everything present near them, be it something that concerns them or not. This habit of overthinking leads them into affirming the negative thoughts that shroud their rationality. Once an individual who is already having a wrong time trying to fight depression or anxiety is challenged by a negative thought, he (or she) can do nothing besides bowing down to them. Such individuals bow down to these thoughts and reaffirm whatever negative opinions they have about themselves through these thoughts. They build upon the negative beliefs they have and contribute to their fears and support the already depleted selfesteem. This distorted thinking has been distributed into numerous types by prominent psychologists. Psychologists call this style of thinking distorted thinking because you are distorting reality to look at things the way your mind wants you to. You’re painting a gloomy picture of the things around you, and you’re so deluded by the negativity around you that you’re not trying to counter the negative thoughts through the pervasive power of positive thoughts. The types that we have for this distorted thinking include: Selective Attention This is the first type of distorted thinking and comes to you when you pay more attention to certain aspects of a particular event. You have the choice to think the way you want to here. You’re not out of choice here. Selective thinking comes with identifying the options and making a decision based on whatever you think is the best course of action.

For instance, your significant other just messages you that they would come home late from work today. You know very well that they could really be at work, working overtime for a task that is at hand. However, you pay selective attention to the negative thought that they could be hanging out with someone else and are lying to them. This particular attention or distorted thinking ends up misleading you into doubting your own selfworth. You try to find faults in your behavior that could have led to this outcome when, in all reality, there is nothing that you need to worry about. Selective thinking is an attribute that many women with low self-esteem happen to have. The thought that disproves whatever negative idea you have is rubbished for the time being, and your mind pays no attention to it. Selective Memory Selective memory is when you look for past events that confirm your hosting's negative thoughts, rather than the events that disprove these thoughts. Now, the events that disprove your negative thoughts could be more than the events that support these thoughts. Still, since you’re deluded by distorted thinking, you take up the possibilities for their face value and fail to delve deep into them to realize what exactly could be the problem. Carrying on from the situation mentioned above, your husband just texted you about coming home late today because of some work at the office. You have every reason to believe what they are saying because they have always been honest to you regarding work-related commitments. But then you get this weird flashback from the past when your ex lied to you about being out with family when he was going out with another girl. You associate your negative memory with your current partner and start thinking negatively about the current course of events. Your negative thinking is based on everything but the truth, but you aren’t willing to take the bitter pill by being

rational about the way you are thinking. You’re under the spell of selective memory, and nothing can pull you over right now. Selective Interpretation The third and final kind of distorted thinking has to be selective interpretation. Selective interpretation is when you interpret things or events based on whatever selective method you have in mind. You do not think about the repercussions of a possible event and are taken over by the negative thoughts currently circumnavigating inside your mind. When you opt for selective interpretation, you go towards interpreting things around you based on the methodology that you find best, proving the perception of yourself as bad and unlovable. You believe that you’re unlovable, and no one should be loving you for who you are. This perception of yourself is based on negative or distorted thinking, but you try to add reason to this thinking through selective interpretation. Once you try to add reason to whatever you're thinking, you delve deeper down into the pits of gloom. You fail to realize patterns for what they are and interpret things the way that you want to. When it comes to selective interpretation, you can also analyze whatever ambiguous information you have in a manner that best confirms your negative beliefs about yourself. You’re bowing down to the beliefs you have and are letting the negativity in you decide the future path for you. These patterns or methods of self-defeating thoughts do not happen to develop overnight. These patterns develop over an extended time and soon reach a stage where you can do nothing about them. You let your selective thinking methods think for you, and your rationality is subdued because of the way you are thinking. These thoughts are known to be distorted because they happen to be untrue or incomplete concerning reality. All of your thoughts are based on your understanding of events and not on fact. And,

since you're so into these self-defeating thoughts, you don’t take out time to realize what could be the actual course of events.

Noticing Thought Patterns When you opt for a negative thinking pattern, there are some negative patterns to your thinking that you should ideally spot as they happen. Your usual thought pattern could be deluded by negative thinking, which is why you have to make sure that the thoughts and the pattern behind them are identified in its core. Noticing or identifying the pattern for your self-defeating thoughts is perhaps the best manner to approach this topic. You shouldn't bow down to these thoughts and should look to assess how you're thinking when you're under the pump and how you can change this particular habit about yourself. Here we mention some of the tips you can follow about identifying negative thoughts and taking a right preventative tips for deleting them from your memory. Realize Negative Events Behind every negative thought you come across, there has to be an adverse event instigating that pattern. Just like we have discussed so many times above, the negative thoughts encountered by you are a doing to a special type of thinking pattern that you have developed with time. You look for evidence to prove this thinking pattern and don’t look for evidence other than that. Now, when it comes to identifying the self-defeating thoughts you encounter, you need to first identify the events that cause such a reaction. If we go by the principles of cause and effect, every response in this world is caused by a previous action before it. The reaction that you are undergoing is a doing of an event that you have encountered.

What made you feel that you aren’t good for this world and are unlovable? What made you host this particular perception? What was that specific feeling that got you thinking in this manner? Was it a message from an exfriend? Was it something nice that someone did to you? Or was it because you started comparing yourself to others? You must realize what makes you go down deep into the world of wonderland and distorted thinking exactly. The things influencing your negative thoughts need to be cleared, and you need to view them without any obstructions whatsoever. Only when you identify what exactly is pushing you through the negativity can you help spot where the problems lie. For instance, most people go towards distorted thinking when they consider themselves guilty about a possible solution. Your team at work wasn't able to achieve its objectives; you had a wrong thought about the relationship that just ended or had a bad time comparing your family to others. All of these thoughts can make you feel guilty about possible outcomes. You then go for the easy way out and start thinking negatively. You have been conditioned to think negatively, which is why no other option can spring up in your mind. Realize your Feelings Once you have identified the situation through the methods above, you need to stop and think about what exactly you felt when encountered by this situation. You need to identify the feelings you went through as they will determine your mind's state when you are faced with a challenging situation. The feelings you undergo define your immediate reaction to the situation. You need to be able to pen your feelings down, as they will help you give a fight or flight reaction to that particular situation. If you felt uncomfortable in that situation, then you need to realize that.

How did you View the Situation? Once you have identified the feelings in the said situation, you need to determine how you viewed it as it happened in front of your eyes. You need to tell what you felt when the condition transpired out in front of your eyes exactly. Did you realize that you would eventually react differently to this situation than the way you react right now? Did you know that your reactions would become harsher over time? Most importantly, if you were treated meanly or harshly by someone as part of this situation, did you feel that you deserve this treatment? If the answer is yes, then you know that your reactions need changing. Do Your Feelings and Views Contributed to Distorted Thinking? Did your immediate views and feelings towards the situation, which you might know now after question 2 or 3, instigate the distorted thinking pattern you eventually adapted? The distorted thinking could be attention, memory, or interpretation related thinking. If you think that your thoughts at the moment contributed negatively to that situation, then you know the answers to how you should recognize selfdefeating thoughts. Even if you feel that your immediate response in the situation did not impact how you felt about the situation, you need to amend your thoughts pattern. You need to realize that whatever troubles you face are a doing of the thoughts, feelings, and views you encounter in the situation.

Replacing Self-Defeated Thoughts We have studied the recognition of self-defeated thoughts in detail now, and by now, you ought to know exactly how these thoughts are impacted you. Understanding the impact these thoughts are having on you, you need to move forward and recognize your immediate reaction to these thoughts. The quality of your thoughts does not only impact how you behave or view the world, but it also affects how you interact with everyone around you. You will find minor discrepancies in your attitude towards the world and might see it changing if you cannot mend the thoughts that make you the way you are. We have already studied self-defeating thoughts in detail within this chapter, and now it is time for us to shed some light on what you can do to replace these thoughts in your mind. It is one thing to realize or detect that you have a self-defeating thought and another to replace it from within your mind. This section teaches you just what you can do to replace that thought from your mind. Imagine What You Can Be Without Your Fear and Doubt You need to remind yourself at all times of what you can be if you cut the fear and doubt out of life. You can achieve numerous things only by cutting out the fear and doubt that you currently have. Imagine situations where you have stopped yourself from doing something that you wanted to do. Imagine how your fears or doubts can stop you from achieving what you want. Also, imagine what your self-defeating thoughts have done to you. You are currently being your number one enemy, and you need to realize that you can do better than this. You can better than putting yourself down, which

is why you need to start making progress today. Realize what is at stake and imagine your life without any of these problems impeding your journey. Stop Confusing Honesty for Truth This is something essential. You can honestly feel something within you, but that something doesn’t necessarily have to be the truth. The truth stands separated from what you are feeling inside of you. Since your mind has ruthlessly been conditioned to think in a certain manner, you are not thinking of or working towards achieving a different thinking method. You need to realize that there are several other methods you can apply for thinking logically and rationally. Do not hold yourself back from being rational about problems that concern your mind and coming up with the truth. Do not consider the thoughts that come into your mind to be the absolute truth. These thoughts can be rubbished, which is why you should look to better them through better behavior. Do Good One of the most significant disadvantages that come out of self-defeating thoughts is your inability to do any good when you’re feeling down. You should know that you owe this world your best regardless of how you’re feeling. You should try your level best to do as much good as possible for the world, even if you aren’t feeling particularly great for the world. Always keep your long-term goals in mind, even if you feel your thoughts are spiraling and keeping you away from that goal. Also, make sure that you do work for the betterment of this world. The world never stops along with you, which is why you have to work towards the end goal you have in mind. The time you waste thinking of alternatives or solutions is when the world is moving on to other solutions. Replace “I can’t.”

When you feel wrong about something or feel de-motivated from trying something out, you might feel like telling yourself that you cannot do that particular thing. However, whenever you conclude ‘I can’t’, you need to remind yourself that it is instead a situation of ‘I won’t’. You’re not going to those dancing classes because you cannot go to them, but because you don’t want to go to them. Hence, you’re not useless or a nobody because you aren’t learning how to dance. It is just that you aren't motivated enough to try it out now. Monitor Your Thoughts Monitoring your thoughts is one of the best solutions or methods you can follow to ensure that you don’t foster self-defeating thoughts. Whenever you encounter self-defeating thinking, you need to remind yourself of a counter thought with something you’re good at. Remind yourself of your abilities and make sure you’re able to pinpoint the things you’re good at. Also, try to monitor your thoughts and take out every little thought that includes something you wouldn’t say to someone with a similar medical condition as yours. You’re providing support to someone, and you wouldn’t want to scare them away using the wrong means. You should make sure that you consider yourself as someone who needs support, which is why your mind should kick all negativity out. Remember you are your Spotlight Remember that no one would be concerned about you or would be asking about you with the same frequency as you do for yourself. You put yourself under attention and scrutiny by deciding what is best for your body and you. No one has the time to spend so much time thinking about you. Hence, since your spotlight is on you, you should make sure that the spotlight is as clear and tranquil as it can be. You shouldn’t spend or rather

waste the time you have for shining the spotlight on yourself by fostering self-defeating thoughts. All self-defeating thoughts that you hold can damage your purpose in life and can take away the time you have for yourself from your hand. You would want to do something progressive with that time, other than lamenting yourself. Consider your spotlight, think deeply about it, and mend it to make sure that it highlights the positive parts of you that you would want to be stressed.

Chapter 9

How Practicing Meditation Helps Build Self–Esteem

Meditation is an amazingly effective way to build your self–esteem. Besides, it significantly improves every aspect of your physical and emotional health. Many meditation techniques are beneficial, as they involve eliminating every thought that's going through your head. Clearing your mind by getting rid of negative thoughts will help restart your mind and allow it to be more relaxed, which will enable you to think more clearly and rationally. As mentioned earlier in the book, it's important to remember that negative thoughts that filter through during meditation are not abnormal, and it doesn't mean that you're meditating wrong! Instead, focus on not engaging with those thoughts. Instead of allowing anxiety, criticisms, and worries to have any space in your head, simply let those thoughts pass. If you find yourself too fixated on something to meditate, try to re-focus your mind on your breathing. Focus on the way breathing forces your chest to expand and collapse. Notice how you physically feel doing the meditation. Don't let negativity invade this space for long! Practicing mindfulness meditation techniques has been shown to have a wide variety of incredible benefits for your overall health and well–being! It has the power to improve all aspects of your physical and emotional health, benefitting you as a whole. Here are some excellent reasons why you should start practicing mindfulness meditation today! Meditation has been shown to reduce chronic pain, lower blood pressure, and alleviate a wide array of gastrointestinal issues.

It also improves sleep, decreases insomnia, helps treat heart disease and stress. Mindfulness meditation also enhances an array of mental/emotional aspects of your health. For instance, it helps treat depression, reduce obsessive-compulsive behaviors, anxiety, relationship conflicts, stress and irritability, and negative thought patterns associated with eating disorders. It also acts as an essential element in treating substance abuse. Meditation has also been shown to increase brain function, and the grey matter is found in areas of the brain associated with self–awareness, empathy, self–control, and attention. Another clear mind–benefit of meditation is that it has also been proven to regulate the part of the brain that produces stress hormones (cortisol), reducing stress. Mindfulness meditation has many favorable advantages that lead to a plethora of improvements and enhancements in virtually every aspect of your physical and emotional health. It has the incredible power to improve immunity while creating positive brain changes, lower stress, and assist in coping with chronic health issues such as chronic pain, cancer, and heart disease, only to name a few. A recent meta-analysis of 20 empirical reports has shown plenty of evidence that mindfulness meditation drastically increased both physical and mental well–being in patients who were battling heart disease, chronic pain, cancer, and autoimmune disorders. Researchers at the University of Oregon have found that participating in integrative–body-mind–training, a highly effective mindfulness meditation technique, actually causes positive brain changes and enhancements that protect our brains against a wide array of mental illnesses! Integrative–bodymind–training has also been shown to be linked with improved axonal density, which are the signaling connections in our brain. This handy little meditation technique also leads to increased protective tissue, or myelin, around the axons in the anterior cingulate brain region.

Many experts believe that one of the prominently important ways how mindfulness meditation works is by improving peoples' ability to accept their experiences (including painful and unpleasant emotions that are associated with difficult experiences and situations) rather than immediately react to them negatively: with resentment, fear, anger, bitterness, aversion, and avoidance. The wonderful thing about practicing mindfulness meditation is that it heals and improves our mental/emotional state by causing us to view life from a much more transparent, wiser, more rational, and healthier perspective. It's becoming more common for mindfulness meditation to be combined with psychotherapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy. This development in psychotherapy makes clear and perfect sense, as meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy share the same goal of helping people gain awareness, understanding, and a better perspective on maladaptive, destructive, irrational, and self–defeating thought patterns. Meditation Helps You Become a Better Person – Literally! According to a study in the journal Psychological Science, mindfulness has a virtuous effect on us, causing us to be more compassionate, which benefits the people we interact with! Researchers from Harvard and Northwestern Universities discovered that meditation, particularly mindfulness, is strongly linked with increased patterns of virtuous, "do–good" behavior. Who would've thought! Meditation Helps Support Weight–Loss! In a recent Women's Health study conducted at Harvard Medical School, participants, who practiced mindful eating, slowly ate while savoring the food and paying attention to the sensations they felt with each bite. They consumed a significantly reduced amount of caloric intake than those who

didn't engage in mindful eating, even though they were hungrier than the opposing control groups! This led the mindful–eaters to lose more weight in the long run and a newly gained appreciation for healthier foods. This will also lead to developed long–term healthy eating–patterns, which helps maintain a healthy weight in the long run.

Breathing Meditation: Begin by finding a quiet, peaceful, and distraction-free place. Now with your back straight. Relax, focus, and feel each sensation that comes with each breath you take as it slowly moves in and out of your body. Let your distracting thoughts of everything else disappear, and just direct your focus on breathing. Pay attention to your nostrils as the air moves in and out. Notice how your abdomen expands and then collapses with each breath. When your mind begins to wander, stop, and gently redirect your undivided attention to your breath. Don't judge yourself. Keep in mind that you're not trying to beat or master anything — such as becoming a skilled meditator, as this isn't a race to perfection. You're simply eliminating all your thoughts and, instead, becoming in touch and aware of all the simple little details involved in what's happening around you, breath by breath.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Meditation Technique Before practicing this exercise, make sure you first consult with your doctor if you suffer from any physical complications, including muscle spasms, back or neck problems, or other injuries or muscle conditions that can be potentially aggravated by tensing your muscles. Start by getting totally comfortable – remove your shoes and change into comfortable clothing. Now that you're dressed comfortably take a few minutes to just relax and take nice and slow deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. When you feel relaxed enough and are ready to start with the exercise, direct all of your undivided attention to your right foot. Take a few silent, peaceful moments to focus on how it feels, and be aware of every sensation. Next, start to slowly tense your right–foot muscles while squeezing as tightly as you possibly can. Do this for 10 seconds – If you like, you can count to 10 out loud. Now move onto your right foot, relax and direct your full focus on the tension that's flowing away from your foot and how it feels as it becomes relaxed. Stay in this peaceful and relaxed state for a few moments while slowly and calmly taking deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. When you’re ready to move on, direct your entire focus onto your left foot. Now repeat the same muscle tension and release process, the same way you did on your right foot. Move slowly upwards throughout your whole body, contracting and relaxing the various muscle groups as you go. It may take some practice and discipline at first but try not to tense your muscles for longer than 10 seconds.

Walking Meditation This incredibly healthy practice works wonders on clearing your mind and helping you cope with overwhelming emotions, including grief. For this exercise, start by first finding a space outside, and simply start walking at a slow to medium pace while focusing on your feet. Try to pay close attention to when your toes touch the ground, when your foot is flat and pressing against the floor and when your toe points back in an upward position. Now, feel the foot roll, paying close attention to every sensation, and noticing each sensory detail – whether you feel an itch, a pull of the sock there, and how your foot feels against the ground. When feeling your mind beginning to wander into the chaotic land of scattered thoughts (it will probably be, and it's completely normal), shut off your mind. And gently proceed to bring your attention back to your feet after you've eliminated all other thoughts. With this exercise, you're practicing and building the vital skill of being aware when your concentration begins drifting into default mode. At the same time, you'll also be training yourself to bring it back into focus. Building and strengthening this skill will effectively help you be more present in the moment, and more in control of your thoughts and attention, every day, and will be particularly useful in times of stress when our minds tend to wander most. With the skill, you'll be more in touch with your thought patterns while knowing what your brains up to. This will help you immediately identify the negative thought patterns associated with low self–esteem; that way, you can stop them and shift to a more positive place in your mind. This exercise can be beneficial and rewarding to dedicate a specific time and chosen location to practice. When you have become more comfortable with walking meditation, try taking it to the next level by practicing as you're

walking to the bus stop, office, classroom, grocery store, or just about anywhere you please. If you are engaging mindful–meditation techniques virtually benefit all aspects of your body, both physically and emotionally, it will also offer favorable benefits and improvements to every aspect of your life, including relationships, family situations, and work. It will also allow you to view each status and part of your life from a positive perspective. You will realize the positive benefits they offer, rather than the stress, negativity, and inconvenience.

Be Kind to Yourself When you struggle with self-esteem regularly, it can be challenging to believe positive feedback regarding yourself. That is because, while you need this type of feedback, you are stressed out further when someone gives you a compliment or tries to let you know that you are doing something right. This is because you start to feel pressured to perform at a higher level, which is a struggle for you since you do not feel you can be successful or provide beneficial help or support to others. Suppose you have been struggling with low self-esteem for some time. In that case, it may be wise to forego the efforts to improve self-esteem on your own and go find a professional that can assist you with feelings and the struggle you are currently involved in to feel better about yourself. Conditions Related to/Recognized as Potential Causes of Self Esteem There are numerous situations and conditions that can be influencing your tendency toward low self-esteem. For that reason, if you have been diagnosed with these conditions or feel that you need to see a doctor about them, then you may be dealing with low self-esteem for a reason: •

depression

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social anxiety

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codependency

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general anxiety

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shame

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inadequacy

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perfectionism

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abuse, whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual

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powerlessness

These conditions and emotions can be challenging to overcome on your own. Therefore, before taking steps to improve your self-esteem, you may need to see a professional address the underlying issues before you can start feeling better about yourself and boost your self-esteem. How to Find Professional Help Many areas have guidance centers or mental health resource centers. Start by searching for mental health providers or resources in your area. From there, you can make a call and start determining if your health insurance covers mental health treatment. You can schedule an evaluation with available mental health professionals. From there, you can select the best available therapy and other treatment that can address whatever is causing your low self-esteem. Sessions with a therapist can be very beneficial as they can address any bad habits or issues created during childhood. Those issues interfere with the successful development of high self-esteem, which leads to the continual occurrence of low self-esteem throughout your lifetime.

Chapter 10 Ten Strategies for Developing Self-Esteem Growing your self-esteem simply means starting to love yourself more. As you increase your self-love, it will become easier to strive for your goals. You’ll find that you are prepared to do the things it takes to lead a healthier, better life and be a better you. This chapter will go over strategies that can be used to help grow your self-esteem.

1: Understand Your Life Story From the moment you were born, the world around you started shaping your experience. The people in your early childhood, the experiences you had, and the way you developed all played a role in the person you are today. Often, people struggle with their life stories. They may look at their past with sadness or upset, particularly if they have had a hard life. As you learn to love yourself, you must also appreciate what shaped you into the person you are today. This does not mean you have to love the hardships you faced. However, it can be useful to put them into perspective. People who experienced abuse when they were young may appreciate that they are stronger in relationships now and stand up for themselves. Someone who was bitten by a dog might fight to understand why they are afraid of dogs. Putting together your life story is like a puzzle. Every experience you had created memory in the subconscious, even if you cannot consciously remember it. As you look at your past, these pieces will eventually fall into place. As you understand more about who you are and why you are that way, you can appreciate yourself a lot more.

2: Treat Yourself One of the reasons people with low self-esteem struggle in relationships is that they wait for their partner to make them feel special; while it is nice to have someone to give you recognition, it is essential for you to feel special as well. Stop waiting around for someone else to treat you. Set aside at least one day each week where you do something special for yourself. You might leave for work 15 minutes early so you can treat yourself to a gourmet coffee on the way to work or run yourself a bubble bath with candles and essential oils after a long day. Buy yourself the shirt or the belt that you have been looking at for months. Self-love is all about knowing you are unique. You do deserve to be treated—you just have to make it happen.

3: Express Your Insecurities Technology has done many great things for the world. Unfortunately, it has also made keeping relationships more difficult. Think about the last time you went out with someone, and they were on their phone the entire time. Didn’t you feel neglected? Something to remember in this situation is that the other person may not realize that their phone habits are upsetting you. Additionally, many people see their cell phones as an addiction. They are always checking it because it has become second nature to them. Rather than becoming angry at the person you are out with, it is essential to express how you feel. Care enough for yourself that you speak up and tell the person they are upsetting you. For most people, this will be enough for them to put down the phone and give you the attention you are asking for.

4: Remember Your Self-Worth is Not Measured by Performance Many people look at life as a competition. They want to be the best at whatever they attempt. However, when they are edged out by someone better, it can be detrimental to self-esteem. This is because it is incredibly easy to link the things you do to the worth that you experience as a person. The reality is that you cannot use the things you have accomplished to measure your self-worth. Every person is on their own unique journey. They succeed at different rates. It may be that the person who excelled has had more practice or that they prepared more. The thing more important than performance is a willingness to try. Every time that you try something new, you are stepping outside of your comfort zone. That alone is enough to make you a worthwhile person.

5: Make a Difference One of the reasons that some people feel they are lacking in life is because they are. When you live wholly for yourself, it can be hard to figure out what your self-worth is outside of the company you work at or at home. One way to overcome a lack of purpose is to do something meaningful. Send letters or care packages to soldiers who do not have family or volunteer at the local animal shelter or the soup kitchen. Take a garbage bag to the woods or the beach and pick up trash. When you do things like this for others, it helps you make a difference in the way you feel about your self-worth as a person. If you find your schedule a little busy for these charity activities, simply try kindness. When you are kind to the people around you, it makes a significant difference in your feelings about yourself. Empathy is also a decisive action that can set a chain of events in motion. These events can cause those around you to be kind to you as well. As you see that you are deserving of other people’s kindness, you may also realize that you are worthy of your own.

6: Stop Expecting Perfection The idea of perfection is both unrealistic and harmful to your self-esteem. People get upset when they are not perfect because they live with the assumption that some others are. Have you ever met someone in your life who seemed to never mess anything up? They always look great, meet all their deadlines, and never argue with coworkers. Keep in mind that many people do not celebrate their mistakes. They are not at the office gossiping about how they procrastinated all weekend and had to stay up all night working on their project. Instead, they keep things calm and confident. They act as if they got the project done Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend relaxing. Even when things seem perfect, they rarely are. Everyone makes mistakes —they just do not always make them public. People do not like to be seen as flawed, even though faulty behavior is entirely human. Though it can be hard to be seen as imperfect in social situations, stop expecting yourself to be unflawed. Remind yourself that you are only human, as are the people around you. Even though you do not see their mistakes, they do exist.

7: Be Grateful It is easy to get lost in negative emotions when you do not appreciate your life. By taking the time daily to appreciate what is going right in your life, you show self-love. You are also giving yourself time to realize that not everything about your life is negative. There are many positive experiences and elements of your life to be grateful for. Even something as simple as waking up in the morning or knowing that you have a warm house and food to come back to after work is something to be grateful for. Make being grateful for a habit. Keep a notebook with you throughout the day. When something positive happens, write it down. Try to find at least 35 positive things each day that you can be grateful for. Keep in mind that you will notice these things more when you are being mindful as you go through life. You cannot appreciate the blooming flowers that signify the start of spring if you are planning out your day on your way to work.

8: See Criticism as an Opportunity to Grow People with low self-esteem or confidence may look too closely at criticism. They may see it as another thing that they need to improve on, and it can bring down someone who is already feeling defeated. Instead of looking at criticism as negatives, look at it as an opportunity to grow. Remember that there is not a single person in the world who is perfect. It is a person’s quirks and imperfections that make them unique. Additionally, negative feedback is critical for realizing what changes you want to make. If you do not know what is wrong, it is impossible to make positive changes. However, it is also important to remember that not all feedback is constructive. When a boss, coworker, relative, or acquaintance is continually speaking negatively about you, helping you improve is not necessarily their priority. Their constant criticism is best ignored, as it comes from a dangerous place.

9: Take Care of Yourself If you love someone, would you feed them unhealthy food, make them stay up late hours of the night, and encourage them to sit on the couch instead of being active? No, you wouldn’t. A significant part of developing your selfesteem is learning to take care of yourself. You cannot rely on other people to manage your life and be sure you are doing the right thing. One of the reasons people become obese is that they lack the self-esteem to take care of themselves. They continue with unhealthy habits because they do not want to change or do not believe that they deserve a higher quality of life. Taking care of yourself also applies to a mental aspect. It is essential to make time to enjoy the hard work you have done and relax. Love yourself enough that you slow down sometimes. If you push yourself too hard, your mind will eventually break. The problem with failing to properly take care of yourself is that it is a slippery downward slope to less self-esteem. When you do not eat properly and exercise, it can cause health issues or obesity. These, in turn, can lead to lower self-esteem. Likewise, failing to get enough sleep affects your emotional regulation and cognitive abilities. This can also decrease selfesteem, as you may feel you cannot control your mind or incapable of doing the tasks you need to. Finally, when you do not take enough breaks from work, you may be critical about yourself when you cannot think clearly. Instead of allowing these poor habits to negatively impact your self-esteem, treat yourself with love. Nourish your body with the proper foods and try to avoid those things that poison it. Have enough responsibility and love for yourself to go to sleep on time, so you can wake up the next day and have the best possible chance of acting confident and reaching toward your goals. Finally, give yourself enough time to slow down and enjoy your life.

Knowing that you deserve these treats can help you realize that you deserve the self-love that you neglect to give yourself sometimes.

10: Do the Hardest Thing on Your To-Do List First Many tasks can seem intimidating when you look at the whole thing. For example, someone who works during the week might spend Saturdays doing stuff around the house. If their to-do list is filled with chores like clean the gutters, scrub the bathtub, mop the floors, and take out the trash, it can be easy to keep putting off what they want to do. However, when the sun falls, and they still have not done the most challenging thing on their list, the day seems as if it has been wasted. Instead of putting off those tasks you do not want to do until last, get them out of the way first. The person above might tackle cleaning the gutters first. Not only will it take the longest, but it also is an excellent idea to do it while there is still daylight outside. Additionally, by cleaning the gutters first, the most challenging job is out of the way, and everything else seems almost effortless by comparison.

Chapter 11

Forgive Yourself

If you thought you were a crappy cook and everything you made turned into a smoldering pile of poison, fixing that would require getting a bit more specific. If you can, imagine being a decent cook and having a friend come to you with that problem. If they told you they sucked at cooking, it felt horrible to suck at cooking, and they desperately wanted you to help them not suck so much. It would be difficult to tell them a few sentences that would fix their problems. Your first response would likely be something like, “Uh, OK, where should we start?” And then you'd get them in the kitchen and go from there. The problem would be twofold. One would have to explain to them that cooking is a step by step process, much like chemistry. You must do certain things in a specific order. You must multitask. You must have a sense of timing. The second relatively large task would be to find out the areas where they were decent and the areas where they weren't. If you took twenty minutes to explain to them how to boil water or make toast, they would think you were punking them and get angry. You would have to explain to them all the details and subtle aspects of cooking, but you wouldn't want to waste your time. To boost self-esteem, which is, in a comprehensive way, how you view yourself, your subjective valuation of yourself, we need to take a step back and describe a typical human as objectively as possible. To understand the very basics of human nature and get a feel for our “operating system.” If you were eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but you thought it was a piece of chocolate cake, your subjective valuation of it would be skewed, to say the least. If you've ever bitten into something but thought it was something else, it gives your brain a very strange shock. If you have an idea about who you think you should be that is unrealistic, increasing self-

esteem based on that unrealistic assumption about yourself is a losing game. No matter what you do, it would not work as much as it you thought it should. It would be like forcing yourself to make that peanut butter and jelly sandwich taste more like chocolate cake. Like maybe putting more frosting on it or something. Human Desires We, humans, want things. Some things are simple. We wake up in the middle of the night and need to relieve ourselves. Such a simple and automatic desire we literally do that was in our sleep. Other things are a bit more complicated but are still relatively straightforward. If you're watching TV and one of the characters is eating a piece of grilled cheese, which makes you want grilled cheese, so long as you have the ability and the equipment and the supplies, you will get a grilled cheese. It won't be quite as automatic as relieving yourself. You'll need to make sure the heat is at the right level, cook it for the right time, etc. But it won't cause you any grief. You might not like that you have to get up, walk to your kitchen and interrupt your TV show, but it won't cause you any worry. Other things are much more complicated, and we aren't sure if we can do them correctly. We can separate these into two broad categories—one where failure is assumed to be more of a problem of logistics or timing. For example, you know they have a sale downtown. But the sale ends at 4:30, and you must work until 4:00. You try your best, and you don't make it in time. You might be very upset but not feel that you failed in any way. Perhaps you left work at 4:00, just like you expected. But there were a couple of accidents, and nothing you could have done could have changed the outcome. These situations are common and frustrating. The second broad category is where we feel a personal responsibility for our not getting

what we want. These usually involve more than pure logistics. This consists of skill of some type, usually a kind of talent that involves interacting with other humans. The more we feel our specific lack of personal skill was responsible for us not getting what we wanted, the more we will feel that we failed, rather than feeling that it just wasn't in the cards, as would be not getting to the sale in time. But before we get into the complexities of these, we need to first understand the basic structure of our desires. They don't just pop up in a vacuum. While we have potentially infinite ways to satisfy our desires, their nature is elementary. For example, we need a certain number of calories per day. If we don't eat, we will die. We have been programmed to get a very good feeling when we are eating. We have also been programmed to get an awful feeling when we are not eating and hungry. All our desires can be expressed in terms of instincts. We can look at our hunger instinct in detail and understand how this operates from a purely mechanical level. Hunger Instinct All animals need energy. Without energy, they will die. You may have heard of the sloth. An animal that lives in trees sleeps a lot and moves very slowly. These animals move slowly and rest because their food doesn't supply them with very much energy. They are restricted to expending in proportion to what they consume. Nature has come up in many different ways for individual organisms to balance energy acquisition and expenditure. But all animals must destroy the energy of some kind. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be life forms. Only things like rocks just sit there without needing to expend energy. So, how does each animal know to eat? They are programmed, just like we are, with a very strong instinct that compels them not only to eat but only eat things that their bodies can use. For us, humans, we evolved a tight correlation between taste and value.

Food that tastes good tends to have plenty of useful calories. Food that doesn't taste good, or tastes bad, doesn't have calories or may even be dangerous. This happened over many million years, long before we were human. But deep beneath our recently evolved humanity is a very powerful instinct. One that makes us feel good when we eat. One that makes us feel better when we are eating food that has a lot of useful calories. One that makes us feel very bad when we don't eat. When we say feel good, and feel bad, we mean physically and emotionally. When we think we are going to go a while without eating, that also makes us feel bad. When we are hungry and moving toward food, it makes is feel good. This was put in our brain long before we knew how to talk and think and be self-aware. This made it automatic for all the moving creatures to always eat enough to stay alive. This is how all instincts work. They are inner compulsions that keep us safe and keep us from dying. The reason it is so incredibly hard to lose weight on the will power diet is because our instincts are much, much stronger than our conscious decision-making process. A very common reason for having low self-esteem is that we try and lose weight or get into shape via willpower alone. We lose since our instincts will always win. Then we look around and find others that aren't having such a hard time. We conclude the only reason is that we, on a deep level, must be defective. As we'll learn, this is about as accurate as eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and wondering why it doesn't taste like chocolate cake. The first step in re-calibrating healthy and rational selfesteem is to understand our human instincts. These are like brick walls. Not stop lights, not flashing yellow lights. Flashing yellow lights are like suggestions to slow down. Red lights are hard and fast rules, but if you look around and don't see any cops or cameras, you can blow right through them.

But if you try and drive through a brick wall, it's not going to work. The reason we are alive today and not extinct is because we descended from a long, long history of humans and pre-humans whose instincts were very much like the Borg from Star Trek. Resistance is futile. Perhaps there was an ancient race of humans who could ignore their instincts, but they all died.

The Importance of Goals Humans are goal-oriented organisms. Ever since the very first life forms started to move around, they were goal-oriented. Instincts drove them to seek certain things and to avoid other things. Animals are driven to eat certain foods. Because they need to expend calories to get calories, they are also programmed to be as efficient as possible. The more complex the life forms are, the more complex this process is. We, humans, are the most complex life forms. So how we satisfy our desires is very, very flexible. Just going shopping for something to eat can take a while. If you've ever had a tough decision driving around with friends not knowing how to spend the evening, you know from experience that knowing how to satisfy our needs is never easy. Most of the time, our needs are not completely our choice. We work and live in groups. For most of human history, most humans simply went with the flow. Our social instincts make us feel good when we are doing the same things as our peers and getting closer and closer to a mutually desired objective. Doing something as simple as stuffing envelopes for a local political campaign is enjoyable so long as you are with friends and making steady progress towards an agreed-upon objective. For most of us, having a respected place within a group is enough. To show up, do our job, get a few looks of recognition for a job well done before calling it a day. If we happen to enjoy a family life where everybody seems to be in a good place, then life is good. But other times, we can feel like we are drifting without purpose. When we crave purpose but don't have one, we can feel lost. This is when self-esteem can suffer. Many rehabilitation techniques involve doing tasks toward a larger goal for this reason. Many people slip into crime, drug, and alcohol abuse simply because they feel they have no purpose. This is something that we can take

control of. Of doing something toward a larger purpose. If you feel lacking, one way to find purpose is to simply create one.

Goal Paradox Most people don't like to think about goals. We like the idea of having more than we have, but we are afraid to get started. What if we try and fail? What if it's much harder than we realize? What if we take plenty of time getting there, and we realize it's not nearly as great as we'd imagined? What if we get started doing something, but we miss out on all the fun and excitement that happens when we aren't around? These are all legitimate concerns. They can also be ready excuses when we’re really just too afraid or too lazy to get started. To make sure we don't fall into either trap, we'll start as absolutely as slowly as we can. You'll find that it's not really the completion of any goal that will build real self-esteem, it is the daily progress towards our goals. And do that, we only need a few steps in the right direction to build that vital forward momentum. Start with Target Areas No need to get a six-pack or shoot for ten million in the bank; spend a few days or even weeks simply thinking about the areas of your life where you'd like to move forward. Most of the things we want will fall into a very few basic categories. Money This concerns the amount of money you have. Either a sum in the bank or in a suitable investment. Once you have that habit set, of putting a dollar or two into an envelope every week, then you can just spend time thinking or learning about financial investments. You'll find that so long as you are

putting the same cash in that hidden envelope every week, and if you are spending 30 minutes every weekend only reading about potential ways to invest money, this will fire up your money goal muscle. Income This is how you earn money. You can start this by journaling about different ways to make money. This isn't a quick fix where you brainstorm for an hour and discover your new career all laid out. This is you taking ten minutes every couple of days and just writing down ideas of things you might be interested in pursuing. Once you get into the habit of writing things down, you'll start to notice things you didn't notice before. The things you see every day will take on new meanings, as they'll give you ideas on things you might pursue in the future as a potential source of income. Health Ideally, you would start to do something toward health each day. Small enough to not skip, but something that you actually do. Perhaps spend five minutes a day stretching. Or doing the mental rehearsal exercise for five minutes every day before eating dessert. It's very common to start off with a ton of willpower and motivation, only to give up later. This is deadly to self-esteem. Since this is a guide on self-esteem and not how to get a sixpack, go as slowly as you possibly can. Five minutes stretching every day is enough to build it. Communication There are unlimited ways you can increase your skills as a communicator. One way to start is to write down the things you'd like to improve. Spend a week or two, writing something down, once per day, that you notice about how others communicate that you'd like to emulate. Remember, the goal

here is not to get the skill, but to build momentum toward better skills. Since humans pick up plenty of traits subconsciously from one another, you'll find simply noticing and writing down the traits others have may be enough. So long as you stay consistent, you'll be fine. Relationships This is another area where simply spending some time writing down the small elements about relationships that are important to you will suffice. Instead of spending time creating your dream partner, write down one trait that you find admirable in the relationships of others, either fictional or in real life. Keep it as objective as possible. If you can, find similar traits in relationships you have now.

Hobbies Any time you have free time, you can use it to simply pass the time, or you can use it on intellectually and mentally stimulating activities. Starting out by writing down some ideas is perfect. Simply think of one per day to write down in the hobby section of your journal. Anything you think you might enjoy doing. If you find yourself coming back to the same categories, consider exploring those more.

Chapter 12

Mindfulness

Many people fail to recognize the strong relationship between our body and our mind. When we are not adequately taking care of our bodies and our physical health, our mental health will begin to deteriorate as well. Full health requires a balance of mental and physical health to keep us in our best shape and support us in feeling our best.

How Physical Health Impacts Self-Worth Self-worth and body image go hand in hand. When we have a low sense of self-worth, we tend to stop taking care of our bodies. Soon, they get out of shape, may become plagued with illness and chronic pain, and would otherwise no longer serve us well. Alternatively, if we lead a stressful life that prevents us from having the time to take proper care of our bodies, we begin to get out of shape and may also feel the effects of our stress as it stirs illness within the body. As a result, we become embarrassed, and we begin to experience a lowered sense of self-worth. Our bodies, simply put, are a major part of us. They are a large piece of our identity, and they play a massive role in who we perceive ourselves to be. When we are not taking care of our bodies, we are directly telling our minds that we do not feel worthy of our time and attention. Instead, we feel that other things are more important. This lowers our self-worth, and it also begins to stimulate sensations of shame, guilt, and disappointment in ourselves. That further damages our self-esteem and self-confidence. Another way that our physique impacts our mental health is in how we are affected by the biology of the body. An unhealthy body generally has imbalanced hormones and struggles to perform basic tasks. It results in our body producing more cortisol, the stress hormone. This is meant to kick us into gear to give us the energy needed to take better care of ourselves, but if we ignore the signs, we simply end up in a chronic state of stress. As a result, our mental health begins to suffer as well. This stress can create even lower self-worth and self-esteem in people. The following three ways are excellent practices you can use right away to start balancing your body out once again and ensure that your healthy body can support your mental health.

Taking Better Care of Your Diet Better health overall always starts in the gut. Your gut health is directly responsible for nearly every else in your body, from balanced hormones to proper organ function. When you are taking good care of your gut health, taking care of everything else becomes significantly easier. So how do you do that? Proper gut health starts with a nutritious diet that is rich in everything you need to not only survive but also thrive. Eating a diet rich in color and with adequate proteins, fatty acids, and other important nutrients can support you in having stronger health in general. This means that you will begin to experience greater self-worth and greater self-esteem! While supplements can be a beneficial way of getting important nutrients into your body, the best way to go about it is to eat a diet that is rich in what your body needs. Supplements do not tend to be broken down and absorbed by the body as easily, resulting in you simply passing many of the nutrients via urine or stool. If you do choose to use supplements in addition to a healthier diet, it is important to choose organic, high-quality supplements that will deliver the best impact on your body. You should also adjust your diet to increase your levels of healthy nutrients and vitamins. Some things that you should begin adding to your diet to improve your overall health, specifically your mental health, include things like chia seeds, salmon, spinach, and eggs which are all rich in omega fatty acids. These acids are excellent for your brain health. Other foods include berries, nuts (especially Brazil nuts), oysters, yogurt, liver, and broccoli. These all contain high levels of vitamins like vitamins C, D, and B, protein, calcium, and other minerals. You can further increase your nutrient intake by choosing organic, pesticide-free food.

In addition to what you are eating, you should also pay attention to what you are drinking. You want to ensure that you are staying well-hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day. You should avoid drinking excess alcohol or consuming too much caffeine. Keeping these two levels to a minimum will ensure that your body is functioning optimally and that it has the best chance of digesting and absorbing all of the healthy nutrients you are feeding it. Another great way to enjoy more fluids throughout the day is to make homemade juices from organic fruits and vegetables. A good, high-quality, fresh-squeezed juice is a great way to add more nutrients to your diet while keeping you hydrated. Exercising More Frequently Exercising is an important part of our lives that many of us tend to overlook. When we do not exercise adequately, we begin to experience the side effects of this behavior both physically and mentally. Physically, we struggle to do things that may have been easy for us at one point. Perhaps we may feel like we are not on par with our peers. It can be more of a challenge to carry things, enjoy doing activities with loved ones, or otherwise stay active and involved in others’ lives when struggling with ill health due to lack of exercise. Low stamina and increased instances of chronic pain are just two of the many things that people with a poor exercise routine face. Increasing your daily exercise and staying on track with a routine are great ways to increase your physical and mental health. Physically, it relieves stress from your body and helps you get back in shape. As a result, your hormone levels balance out and you begin to feel better. Your body and brain function optimally, your stress levels drop, your strong emotions dissipate positively, and your capacity to face things in your day to day life increases.

Mentally, your health improves because you feel better for taking care of yourself. Feelings of guilt and shame around having an unhealthy body begin to dissipate and you feel more confident in your ability to live the best quality of life possible. You also begin to feel sensations of pride and courage, knowing that you were able to accomplish something that previously may have felt daunting, challenging, or even outright impossible. These feelings of accomplishment and this sense of pride support you in feeling a greater sense of mental health overall. Exercising does not need to be an extensive, hard-core workout that consumes all of your time. Instead, going for a brisk walk each day, spending a few minutes at the gym, or even doing a home workout routine in your living room are all great choices. If you are unable to work out due to a physical disability or preexisting health condition, consider communicating with your doctor to see what forms of exercise you may be able to engage in that will help you feel better. In many cases, there may be smaller and lower-impact things you can do such as yoga or light stretching. The key here is not to outdo yourself or compete with anyone unless you are interested in it. The key, instead, is to support yourself in achieving your own best health possible. As a result, you will begin to feel significantly better both physically and mentally.

Receiving Adequate Rest In addition to eating right and getting enough exercise, you also need to make sure that you are getting a night of consistent, high-quality sleep. Rest is a highly underrated part of our daily lives, and it is typically the first to be impacted when we are feeling stressed out or unwell. We begin to find ourselves sleeping less, feeling more restless when we sleep, or otherwise

not feeling fully rested when we wake. As a result, we are exhausted, and our ability to function effectively throughout the day is further impacted. Soon, we skip exercising because we are too tired. Then, we begin to continue skipping it because skipping becomes a habit. Before we know it, we are also skipping eating or eating healthy meals because we are feeling too tired to prepare them. The spiral continues until we are in a rut, feeling as though we are at our worst with a poor exercise habit, an unhealthy diet, and an even worse sleeping pattern. Instead of letting yourself get caught in this spiral that is all too familiar for most, you can choose to pay attention to your rest and ensure that you are getting adequate sleep. Whenever you sense that you are not feeling rested enough or you are feeling too tired to do things, instead of breaking your daily routine, seek to add some extra opportunities to catch up on rest throughout the day. Take it easy by letting go of unnecessary tasks temporarily as you catch up on sleep. Go to bed a bit earlier and ensure that you practice a positive bedtime routine that will support you in having a positive sleep. Using things like chamomile, lavender, and other natural sleep aids can help you resume a restful sleep. You can also lower the lights in your house about an hour before bedtime, turn off screens, and prepare yourself for a good night’s rest. It is important that, unless absolutely mandatory, you refrain from using any chemical sleep aids. Supplements and medicines can inhibit the body’s natural ability to sleep, resulting in you not being able to sleep on your own without their support. Furthermore, they can prevent you from having a truly restful sleep by manufacturing one for you. As a result, you may not feel fully rested in the morning despite having slept a long night. You may also begin to notice other unwanted symptoms that make resting and living a normal daily life a challenge. Always do your best to go natural without

using any supplements or medications when it comes to sleep. If you must, consult your physician and choose the least invasive temporary method possible to ensure that it does not have a long-term impact on your sleep health.

Conclusion

Possessing low self-esteem may result in people being discouraged, falling short of their ability, or tolerating abusive relationships and circumstances. It can also be a symptom of pathological narcissism in which individuals can act in a self-centered, selfish, and dishonest manner. Including academic and professional achievement in friendships and mental health, self-esteem will affect life in many ways. Nevertheless, self-esteem is not an immutable characteristic; both personal and professional achievements or failures will cause variations in self-worth feelings. Selfesteem has been shown to influence current physical and mental well-being and health-related attitudes, and long-term health and well-being-related habits in adulthood. Self-esteem is a handy tool for health professionals during their encounters with clients, staff, other healthcare team members, hospitals, and medical students. Women with low self-esteem consider many flaws in themselves, whether it is real or not. They are too eager to please and win the affections of other people and not to offend them. They are also jealous of other women with characteristics and possessions that they want to have. They have an aura of hate around them and have no excuse to be irritable. They focus on the thoughts and compliments of other people to draw an image of their worth. Women with low self-esteem may establish the survivor's attitude, which may find it increasingly difficult to see future favorably and express themselves. The more a woman deals with chronic low self-esteem, the more vulnerable and depressed she may feel when changing her thoughts

and behaviors. She may be searching for people in her life that strengthen her negative view of herself, and those around her are unconscious of it. It is a process to change how women perceive themselves, and some women may need a professional's support to do so. All women can make changes in their lives and be productive. Little experiences may give great lessons for women. She should take the spackle and do it herself instead of asking for her husband or a handyman to patch the ding in the wall behind the bathroom door. Small successes make a woman feel good about herself and accomplished. That emotion will drive her to take more risks and grow higher self-confidence and esteem. Through behaving with control, people can begin to feel it. Women can also pay attention to other women in their lives who take risks and have a strong sense of self-esteem and recruit one or more of them as their mentor. If a woman is ambitious and has a habit of contrasting herself to others, she may feel inadequate if she does not reach her expectations. This can have an effect on her self-esteem. If she gave a less impressive message at her last work-related conference, her therapist could help her develop a plan to cope successfully with failures such as these in a manner that does not conflict with her self-worth. A woman sees hundreds, if not thousands, of other women who don't look like her every day of a woman's life, on the internet, on television, in magazines, and on posters going to work. These images affect how she feels about herself and directly correlate with that woman's faith, chipping away all day long at her happiness.

“Believe in Yourself and Be Grateful “ K. W.