My Sister's Keeper 9781442656260

Table of contents :
PREFACE
ACT I
ACT II

Citation preview

Canadian Play Series

My Sister's Keeper Ted Allan

University of Toronto Press Toronto and Buffalo

This edition was first published in 1976 by University of Toronto Press. ©

Copyright 1969 by Ted Allan

This play is fully protected by copyright. All enquiries concerning professional or amateur rights, readings, or any other use of this material should be directed to the author through University of Toronto Press, or outside Canada to the author c/o Howard Hausman, William Morris Agency, 1350 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019, Canadian Play Series General Editor: Jack Gray

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING IN PUBLICATION DATA Allan, Ted. My sister1s keeper. (Canadian play series) Bibliography: p. I. Title. PR9199.3.A384M9 812'.5f4 ISBN 0-8020-2208-1

Photograph by Paul Lindell

Printed in Canada

76-45644

'My Sister*s Keeper1 was first presented under the title of 'I've Seen You Cut Lemons' at the Fortune Theatre, London, England, on 5 December 1969. Sarah - Diane Cilento Robert - Robert Hardy Directed by Sean Connery Designed by Sean Kenny

The revised version under the title of 'My Sister's Keeper' was first presented at the Lennoxville Festival during the 1974 summer season. Sarah - Patricia Hamilton Robert - Roland Hewgill Directed Designed Costumes Lighting

by William Davis by Maxine Graham designed by Janet Logan environment by Vladimir Svetlovsky

The play is set in the London, England, flat of Robert, a university lecturer from Canada. His sister Sarah comes from Canada to visit. We learn she has a history of mental illness. We learn they have been deeply emotionally involved and that he feels guilty for her illness. We also learn to ask a question: which one of them is the mentally ill one?

PREFACE It is the absence of love which leads to madness. Doctors have made up their categories of insanity. So have I. I have five: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Paranoids Charlatans Schizophrenics Manic-depressives Normal people

Some paranoids and charlatans are also manicdepressive. To add to the confusion most doctors today lump all mental illness under the label of schizophrenia. Stalin was a classic sadist paranoid, Hitler a classic charlatan. They serve as models for similar fleader types1 who too often become heads of governments, business corporations, trade unions, political parties, terrorist groups, armies, gangster organizations, as well as the smaller fry who become husbands and fathers and victimize only their immediate families. They are rarely hospitalized because their delusions are shared by society which considers them either 'normal1 or 'genius' as long as they are 'masterful1 and 'successful.' Meanwhile the most sensitive amongst us, unable to bear our stupidities and cruelties, continue to fill our mental hospitals, and are described as dissociated schizophrenics and manic-depressives. Sarah is such a victim, a barometer of what we do to one another, particularly what our society does to women. Robert, on the other hand, is normal - like you and me.

CAST

ROBERT WALLER, a university lecturer SARAH LAWSON, his guest

The play is set in Robert Waller's bachelor flat in London, and takes place over a period of a month.

ACT I

Scene 1

The present. The London bachelor flat of Robert Waller, a Canadian university lecturer. The place is tastefully, if Spartanly, furnished. A large studio window overlooks the Thames from where we occasionally hear tugs and gulls. The sun floods the room with dazzling light. We can see part of the kitchen; a hallway, which leads off the main room, leads to two unseen bedrooms. The place is sane and pleasant, with bookshelves, recordings, a hi-fi set, TV set, and radio. Picasso reproductions and Chinese paintings are on the wall, here and there a small Chinese sculpture. At rise, Robert is busy packing, answering the telephone, and reading from his thick manuscript totally abstracted and dissociated. The phone rings. He1s busy reading and doesn't hear it at first. Finally he hears it.

ROBERT

Hello...Hi Albie...I?ll be on time...Don't be nervous...1 don f t have to leave for thirty minutes yet...Right son, see you...Bye... (He starts packing again, gets distracted and starts reading the manuscript again. Gets an idea and starts to type. The front door bell rings. He doesnft hear it, and keeps on typing. It continues to ring. Finally, he hears it, and goes to answer it. He is joyous when he sees Sarah, but thoroughly surprised)

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

Sarah!

What the...how...wha...

I heard the typing.

I knew you were in.

But Sarah, I wrote you I was leaving for Corsica with Albie today!...! even wrote you the exact time of the charter flight!

1

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

I thought it was next month. Today!

Oh dear.

Oh Sarah!

I111 come with you. Yes!

No!

You can't.

Why not. Oh I f d love you to, but I can?t do this to Albie. Oh Sarah...We havenft seen each other in five years and you come exactly thirty minutes before 1 have to leave. I've been promising Albie this holiday for three years and I've postponed it three years running for one good reason or another. I've promised him a holiday alone with me...I can't hurt him like this. You do understand don't you? Of course. But why should my going along hurt him? I like Albie. He likes me...although he hasn't seen me since he was nine...But he and I get along fine. I know you do. But he's disturbed, Sarah. He needs to be alone with his father. He hates having to live with Agnes...He feels I've abandoned him. I must do this for him. Please try to understand. Why didn't you write or cable me you were coming? I wanted to surprise you. You surprised me.

Where's Debbie?

With Jack's parents.

Jack and I are divorced.

Divorced. I didn't even know you'd separated! Why didn't you tell me? I was ashamed to. I don't know. to bother you with my problems. Would you like some tea? to stay? Two weeks.. .

2

1:1

I didn't want

How long are you planning

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

But I'll be gone two weeks I longer ! All right.

I will.

I forgot how attractive you look. Don't lie.

God, it's good to see you!

(They hug warmly. it) ROBERT

You have to stay

The phone rings.

He answers

Hello...Sarah Lawson?...Just a... (She hurriedly places her hand over the mouthpiece)

SARAH

ROBERT

(Hurriedly) hour.

Tell them I'm expected in half an

She's expected in half an hour...Yes. (He replaces the receiver) That was Montreal.

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

Jack. I didn't feel like talking to him now. Besides, you're leaving in a few minutes. What a beautiful apartment. What a fantastic view! We call it a flat here. Oh, so sorry! But I am allowed to call it a fantastic view. Yes. That's allowed. Let me show you the bedroom you'll be sleeping in. It's small...You can use my room until I get back. The small one will be fine... How are you fixed for money? All right. working.

Jack's been generous and I've been

At what? The usual...Secretary...Modelling...Ran an employ-

3

ment agency for a little while...You name it. I tried it. ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

Been doing any painting? No. Havenft been in the mood. into it here. We'll see.

But I might get

Shall I phone some of my friends and tell them to drop in on you...help you see the town? No. There's plays I want to see, museums and concerts I will go to. The two weeks will pass quickly. All right. Is that the book?

Is it finished?

Almost! I'm up to page two hundred and thirty. About another fifty to go...First book I've finished in five years, Sarah I What are you calling it? Encyclopedia of Ignorance...It's my major opus. Great title. You kept writing you had started a book but never told me about what. It1s funny how neither of us writes about what really matters in our lives. I suppose neither wants to inflict any anxieties on the other...I hate to sound immodest, pretentious or pompous... However... However, I'll risk it. Yes. I am hoping this will be the first book by a Canadian that will establish itself internationally as a breakthrough in the understanding of love. An understanding of love I Quickly! (Chuckling) That's mean.

4

1:1

Explain it to me!

You'll read the book! Tell me now!

T SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

Damn the tea. I'll make my own tea. about loveî Give me a hint!

Explain

It has to do with the differences between real love and stress sex... Yes...Go on... Darling, you have to read the book. Damn, you do understand about my having to go now. If I postponed it even a day I wouldn't get the charter flight... It's all right. Stop going on about it. do you become a full professor? In two years.

When

I feel like hell leaving.

Will you stop talking about it? I cancelled it three times before. that, don't you?

You do see

You're so sweet when you feel guilty. I love you Bobby. You've been so good to me. Oh don't say that. moment you arrive.

I feel terrible leaving the

SARAH

If you don't stop that I'll leave this minute. I warn you.

ROBERT

Maybe you'll stay longer than just a couple of more weeks. Maybe you'll move to London...and we can be in the same city. Is that possible?

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

I was hoping you might suggest that. Why not? You'd find work easily enough here. We'll talk about it when I get back. Fine. You get handsomer as you get older. Some men are like that. Women just sag in all the wrong places! Stop fishing for compliments. great.

5

You know you look

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

I know I look like I feel. How do you feel? Battered.

Ugly.

My hair1s a mess.

Your hair is fine. You are not ugly. You are very attractive. And you look tired, not battered. Feel ugly and battered and my hair is a mess. But I shall overcome. When do you leave? Taxi will be here any minute. Hey. Let's try sending messages...and see if it works again. We111 keep a record, like we used to. All right. It hasn't worked in some time. only worked when we were in Montreal.

It

SARAH

Let's try it. When two people are very close they have ESP...and very few people have been as close as we have.

ROBERT

All right. I'll send you some messages and you send me messages...and we'll see if any get through. Before I forget...There's a pleasant grocery shop on the corner...and a good shopping area on the high street...I'm sorry...

SARAH

I'll have a wonderful time seeing London! shut up.'

So

(The door bell rings) ROBERT

That must be the taxi. (He throws things into his suitcase)

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

Have a good time and give Albie my love. I'll bring him here to meet you when we get back. I've left a list of some of my friends, you can phone them...I've told them about you. I'll see how I feel, two weeks, right? If anyone calls? Get suntanned and don't fool around with too many bikinis. I'll get jealous.

6

1:1

ROBERT

SARAH

Albie can have the bikinis. like this.

Sorry about leaving

Will you stop that? (They kiss goodbye. He leaves. the kitchen to make tea) What?

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

(O.S.)

She goes into

My God, I f m hearing voices. Sarah?

Yes. (O.S.) Fine!

I left the door keys on the desk. Thank you. Have a good time.1

(She pours herself some tea. Goes to the window to look out, studies his furniture, his books... The phone rings. She answers it) Hell...This is she...Yes...Hello Jack...I am fine...There is nothing to worry about...Robertfs had to go away on a business trip and he'll be back in two weeks...I will be fine...No, I don't think I should talk to Debbie yet. I'm still too upset. I'll telephone her when I'm feeling calmer...I am fine...I just don't want Debbie to hear me being anxious, that's all...Where is she? In that case you'd better put her on...Hello darling...How's my girl?...I'm well, darling... Are you having fun at granddad's and grandma's? That's lovely...I'll write you a nice letter and send you some postcards...1 don't know when I'll be coming home, darling...I'm glad you're happy and having fun... (She's holding back her tears) ...That's nice...That's very good...Bye now... Hello...She sounds fine...That's good. Just a little husky. Is she catching a cold?...Yes, I'm glad I talked to her...Don't worry about me. I am fine. Goodbye... (She replaces the receiver.

7

Her conversation with her daughter has upset her badly. She tries to control herself. She sits down and closes her eyes and starts deep breathing exercises)

Scene 2

An evening two weeks later. Curtains are now hanging, flowers sit in vases, new pictures hang on the walls. Robert enters, carrying his bags.

ROBERT

Sarah? (He looks for her in her bedroom, returns and notices the curtains, flowers, etc. He brings his bags to his room. He answers it)

The phone rings.

Hello...Sue!...1 just walked in this second!... Where are you calling from?...You1re back...But you said you werenft due for another three weeks.. How lovely...When can I see you?...Lovely...I'll come over in about an hour...Great...Sarah's here. Yes, my lovely Sarah I've talked so much about... Arrived just before I left for Corsica...Another week or so here, but she's planning to find a room or small flat somewhere and look for work. She's divorced now and is thinking of settling here...Don't be silly. She'll love you...She won't be jealous of you and you won't be jealous of her...The work went well but I've got a lot of rewriting to do...I'll tell you all about it when I see you...I love you...Mmmmm...How was your trip? All right, see you in about an hour... (He replaces receiver and proceeds to unpack. The phone rings again) Hello...No, Sarah Lawson is not in. I expect her back shortly...Jack? Hi. How are you?... She's here with me, but not in at the moment. I just got back. Just walked in...Probably out sightseeing somewhere...She's fine...I'11 tell her you called...Working hard on a new book... You?...Sorry about the divorce, but these things happen...Don't worry about her, I'll take care

8

1:2

of her...What?...She just seemed tired, but otherwise well...Donft worry about her...Bye... (He stands - thoughtful. Sarah enters, carrying groceries. She1s overjoyed seeing him. She looks well and happy. She gets rid of her parcels and hugs him) SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

You werenft due for an hour yet! I wanted to have a great dinner all ready! I haven't cooked for you for over five years! What a beautiful tan. All right. Now tell me. I waited for two weeks. Tell you what? About love!

What its all about!

(He laughs) I have to rewrite the whole section on stress sex. I wasn't clear. You mean you don't know? I do know, but I have to make it clear. The minute I've finished the rewrite I'll tell you ...or you can read it. You're funny. You actually made me believe you knew something special! I do. But I have to make it clear...It's not so easy to make clear. No kidding? You are funny. And here I've been waiting for the great truth to be revealed to me. When it's clear a great truth may be revealed to you. How's Albie? This holiday with me was very good for him. needed it.

He

I want to see him - and I don't want to see him. What's that mean? I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous of him.

9

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

You can't be serious. I am! I'm very childlike that way. He's someone you have to give love and attention to...so it's taken away from me. Silly ass.

He's my child.

I feel that I am your child. You're not.

He is.

Do you like it?

(Referring to curtains)

Mmmmm I can take them down. No. Leave them.

Makes a pleasant change.

I look better now than I did two weeks ago, don't I? Less tired. Less battered. Jack phoned. He said he was worried about you. I said you'd be touched. What did he tell you? That he was worried about you. Is that all he said? Yes.

Why?

I wish he'd stop phoning here. He's getting on my bloody nerves! He's phoned at least five times in the past two weeks ! Obviously he still cares. He just can't let go, that's all. I wish he'd stop phoning. I told him to stop phoning and pestering me! Hey! 10

He's not trying to hurt you. 1:2

Easy!

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

He is trying to hurt me. He1s interfering with my life. He and I are divorced. We1re finished. I'm here with you now. I don't want him inflicting himself on us. He just phoned to ask how you were. I'm sorry.

Relax.

He upsets me.

You're more involved than you care to admit. It's not that. I'll tell you about it later. Something I haven't told you.

ROBERT

So tell me.

SARAH

It'll keep.

Now let's check.

(She hurries to get a notebook) Did you keep a record? ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

Yes. At exactly six o'clock on the first Wednesday I sent you the following message: 'If you really know the answers about love you shouldn't wait two weeks to tell me.' Did you get that message? No. On Thursday I thought I received the following message from you, 'I can't figure out English money.' No. Never sent that. money.

I can figure out English

I sent you a message on Friday, 'Please tell my publisher I won't have the manuscript ready for another three weeks or so.' Hey!

I got that message on Saturday!

Seriously! On Saturday five o'clock I got the following message: 'Tell my publisher I'm very happy...' That's a garbled message.

11

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

Still it1 s about your publisher.1 We've done it again! We get each other's messages! Not quite! Well, close! A half a message out of five sent? Wait. We haven't checked yet. On Saturday I sent you this message: 'I love being in this flat by the river. I'll never be unhappy again... Never got it. That's how I feel now. again. That's silly. be.

I'll never be unhappy

Of course you will be.

We'll all

When are you going to finish your rewrite so that it's clear what love is? In a few weeks. I'll cook dinner. Sare...I have a dinner appointment tonight. just made it. Before you came. I'm sorry.

I

That's all right. We'll have dinner tomorrow. Don't you find me changed? In what way? How easily I take things now. Something like this would have upset me a few years ago. Can't have dinner tonight? Have it tomorrow. Isn't that a change in me? I can't remember if you were that touchy about such things. I was. I was. I'm not now though...That divorce with Jack. I want to tell you about it. I found out he'd been having an affair. I couldn't take it. I insisted on the divorce. I couldn't stand the betrayal. It shook me. Flipped me. Then 12

1:2

when the divorce went through I had a breakdown. I had to be hospitalized. ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

When was this? A few months ago. That1s why Jack got full custody of Debbie. It1s been very upsetting. When did you leave the hospital? There's something else I have to tell you...I left without permission...! ran away...The doctor said I wasn't ready but I felt if I saw you I'd be all right. Your going to Corsica right off didn't help, but I coped. I called some of your friends. I like that pleasant doctor...John Williams? He and his wife were very nice. They're my closest friends.

John and Jennie.

Ask them. I've been coping beautifully. True, he's not a psychiatrist, but he sounds like a good G.P. We went to a concert together. They'd never have guessed I just had a breakdown and had been hospitalized. Could you? No.

You just seemed strained...tired...

That's why Jack keeps calling. check on me.

He's keeping

He sounded genuinely worried. Don't start getting paranoid. You certainly don't act as if you're in need of a hospital. I'm not. But they wouldn't believe me. All I needed was to know I'd be in the same city that you were in. They couldn't understand that. You don't have to worry about me now. I can see you're worried. You've become very tense. I have not! I am worried, naturally, but I'm not tense. You seem fine. I am fine. Honest. I'll stay a couple of more weeks. And I'll get ever finer. I'll look for a bedsitter, is that what they call it here? Or a small apartment. I mean flat. Two weeks with you, and I'll be as good as new. I feel so

13

happy when I 1 m with you. I wish we'd never separated. That does sound crazy, doesn't it? Am I talking too much? ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

No. This breakdown has taught me something. I think some kinds of mental breakdowns are very constructive. I hallucinated a bit, but I was able to let myself feel and think things I usually repress. Am I making you nervous? Don't be silly. Please don't be hurt by this... But I do prefer this room without curtains. (Hurrying to take them down) Of course darling! I just thought I'd put them up - for your approval. I'll take them down tomorrow. No.

Leave them.

Let me take them down now.

Leave it!

Please!

I'm not hurt at all, silly, I would have been a few years ago, before this breakdown. But not any more. I advocate a mental breakdown for everybody! When I started having it I could tell what people were thinking and feeling. On the street, I didn't have to talk to them or know them. It became unbearable because so many of them are so sad. They're so confused and hurt and humiliated. God! If I only had had the courage to go to them and say, 'Shh, I know how you feel, don't be hurt. We're all hurt and we're all humiliated in one way or another, so don't feel you're alone.' But that would be humiliating to them more because they don't want anyone to know. Painting's no good. You can't put that in a painting. You can put sadness in a painting but no humiliation. Perhaps good painters do. I can't. I wish I was a good painter. I wish I was a good something. You could be a good painter - if you worked at it. And if you stopped destroying everything you painted. They weren't worth saving. 14

1:2

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

I once saw you working on something...I'11 never forget it...the universe being born, you called it. It was fantastic. And you ripped it to pieces. It might have been a great painting. Hah! Nothing I ever did came out as I'd hate what was on the canvas...it me. That's why I stopped painting. drove me crazy being unable to paint to.

You might have had a brilliant career. Let's not exaggerate my so-called talents. I'm quite happy being a secretary - when I have a pleasant boss. I might do something with the river and its funny ducks. I'll buy some paint and some small canvasses. I'll commission you. I'll pay you five pounds for every painting you do. You can have anything I paint as a gift...Who're you having dinner with? Susan Cooper...I didn't write you about her because I never know how long these things are going to last. But Sue and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now. I hadn't expected her back from Africa for another few weeks. She's an anthropologist. When do I get to meet her? She just got back or I'd have suggested tonight. Tomorrow? How old is she?

ROBERT

About thirty-five.

SARAH

Ever been married?

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

I wanted it. infuriated It literally as I wanted

Once. Like me. But she has no children. like her. She's funny. We're all funny. What?

15

You'll

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

I said we were all funny. I meant witty.

She's very witty.

ThatTs nice. I like witty people. I'll tell you something right now, Roberto! I hate her! Sarah I She's ugly and she's stupid and I hate her! I'd better go. Goodbye. What's come over you? You've come over me. What's that supposed to mean? I'm being witty and you're not noticing. Hilarious.

Are you all right?

I am not all right! I was all right. But I am no longer all right. That seems obvious. Any further questions? First night you're back and you're having dinner with Susan! Thank you! I wish you'd stop behaving like my girlfriend! You are not my wife and you are not my girlfriend. That is right.

I am your sister!

Yes! My sister I And I am your brother. Not your husband, or your boyfriend or your father or your mother! Brother. Oh God. You're not back half an hour and we're arguing. It's my fault. Forgive me. (She goes to hug him.

ROBERT

SARAH

He stiffens)

I'm sorry. I'll see you in the morning. wait up for me. Bye...I'm sorry... (Shouts out after him)

16

1:2

Give her my love!

Don't

(She looks around, frightened to be alone. She looks at the curtains and pulls them down in a furious gesture. She1s frightened by what she1s done) Donft do anything foolish, Sarah. Please don f t do anything foolish. Please...Please. (Blackout)

Scene 3 Early next morning. It is raining out. distant thunder and lightning. Sarah is in a disturbed state. to calm her. SARAH

There is

Robert is trying

I'm sending messages to you baby. Yes, dear. This is your mother. You'll be all right, Debbie. Debbie may be burning and needing water. (Robert leads her to her bed) This is your mother. You'll be all right. burning. My God, she's burning!

ROBERT

She's not burning. You're having an hallucination. Lie down..,Try to lie down... (He pushes her to the bed.

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

She's

She sits)

I must phone her right away. You can't now. I must phone her right away! You mustn't. It wouldn't be good for her to hear you in this state. Take the sleeping pill! She's burning.

My child is burning!

I don't want to go to sleep! I have to stay awake! My daughter is burning! (He grabs a newspaper, folds it and hits her with it) ROBERT

Goddamn you, take the pill!

17

SARAH ROBERT

My daughter is burning and needs water! is giving her water! (Shouting) Take it! Nothing else!

No one

It's just a sleeping pill.

(She looks frightened, takes the pill and swallows it with some water) Now lie down and rest. (She lies down and begins mumbling to herself) SARAH

(O.S.) Keeps a telephone in his bedroom...and I have to listen...with a telephone talking to all his women. (As she mutters Robert hurries back to the living room and dials his phone there)

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

Dr Williams, please...Robert Waller... Lying here listening...telephone in his room... such laughing going on... John?...I'm sorry to do this to you...My sister's really flipped...Those pills you gave me for her aren't strong enough...No...But its not just a manic state...She's hallucinating now...Imagining her daughter is burning...Could you please come now, John and give her an injection?...Something strong that will knock her out...I've got to get some sleep...Yes, she'll have to...But she's petrified of hospitals ever since that experience she had when she was sixteen...Please, if you could...I've heard of that one...It's a very good one. Please try to get her in there. How long do you think it will take? As long as that?...No, I don't want her taken to any hospital. I want her in that one...Whatever it costs...I'll just have to wait till you can get her in...All right, as quickly as you can...I held back calling you as long as I could...It's rather difficult for me...Thank you, John...Bye... (He replaces the receiver, Sarah has risen from her bed and walked into the living room to hear the last part of the conver18

1:3

Sation. He sences she is there. He turns around slowly) SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

Still taking me to hospitals? This is a very good one. Then why don't you go? I'm not ill. Oh yes you arel I don't like your friends. They speak English too Englishy. He made me spill my tea, that Donald chap. I spilled my tea in front of him. So what? I always spill my tea.

Funny.

I spill everything.

No, you don't. You don't spill everything. Why don't you try to sleep now? You must be very tired. It's rather difficult for you, is it? Yes.

It is.

Difficult, is it? Poor brother. Poor Robert. Poor man. Has a mentally ill sister around his neck. Shit, it is rather difficult for him. You haven't eaten. something?

Would you like me to make

I hate those who are successful. matter with me?

What is the

On a bad day I also hate those who are successful. I need to figure out why I hate people. people.

I hate

On a bad day I also hate people. I like flowers, fruits, birds, but not people. I hate you. I am being honest with my hostility. (Impatiently dry) 19

I appreciate that.

What makes

you think I have to sit here and tolerate it? SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

Because I have been badly hurt. Everybody has been badly hurt. expect special treatment?

Why do you always

I expect special treatment from you. Why me? Because you are my brother. That is not a good enough reason and you know it. I have a better reason and you know it. I cannot stand your raving. for a little while?

Could you shut up

You'll have to, won't you? Don't push me. You'll push me too far. I'm warning you.

Don't.

What will you do? What can be done to me that hasn't been done...unless you're thinking of killing me! And you wouldn't do that. The scandal of it would be too much for you. You're vicious when you get like this. You know what you're doing. Every minute of the time. That's show business. (She looks at her fingers) Study your fingers.

Truth might emerge from it.

(Mimics her mother's Irish accent) I can go to a bridge game. studyin'.

She's studyin'.

She's

(Her own voice) How would you like to come home every day from school and no mother there? I don't understand some mothers. 20

1:3

(He has begun to write in a large notebook) ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

Why are you making me suffer because your mother neglected you, that same mother neglected me as well. There1s not a mother alive who isn't guilty of neglecting her child at one time or another. But I got special treatment because I was a girl! Not one picture of me in the whole house. One of mummy, one of daddy, and one of Robert, but not one of me. I never could stand mother. Writing it all down. Going to give a lecture? I!m writing everything you1re saying, only way I'll preserve my sanity.

It's the

Nothing anybody does is any good. What humans? Everybody. They don't like insane people. They can hate, compete, and kill. They call that sane. (He stops writing)

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

Now you're making a speech. Yah! You elect me, my fellow maniacs, and I'll pass a law outlawing insanity.' I'll take it, kids, but some day I'll be back and you won't like it. I don't mind travelling. Come on. Send me around the world. If I could, believe me, I would. I will come back and regain the custody of my child. My child has a right to live with whom she wants. I'm the lumpen proletariat. There's got to be a place for me somewhere. I'll find a planet. Who's going to have a lobotomy? I just asked you a question. What was the question? (Mimicking)

What was the question?

I called John Williams to come and give you a sedative. You gave me a sedative, didn't you? give me a sleeping pill?

21

Didn't you

ROBERT Yes. But you need something stronger. give you an injection.

He'll

SARAH Going to put me out and then take me to a hospital, is that it? (Waits a moment) ROBERT No. That's not it. He's just going to give you something to calm you down. SARAH

ROBERT

I don't want to be calmed down. anybody? Calmed down. Idiots. who's going to have a lobotomy. I don't know.

Am I hurting I asked you

How did that come up?

SARAH My family! It's incredible. You have no family. If you don't call on them you have a chance to walk out a free person. What a life. ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

How come you get so lucid suddenly? (Mimics) How come you get so lucid suddenly? Because I'm a mental case and they get lucid sometimes. Okay? (Contemptuous) Big brain. Big brother brain. The genius. Lectures at Universities. About love! Hah! About love and feelings! Hah! Hah! All of a sudden brother Bobby comes to say goodbye. If he knew what I went through. I feel I should call my mother. She tells everybody she worries about me. I can't understand her, so get rid of her. (Mimics her mother) So what am I supposed to do now? Take care of her. Try to take care of her. She's lazy. She never helps me with the dishes. (Her own voice) I heard that song, fucking lousy dishes. I hate this society, so I have to conform. Lock them up in the mental hospitals and give them shock! The only time my family will move is when I'm in a crisis. The atom is the smallest thing and now it's getting to be the biggest. So I'll laugh! (She starts to laugh - a nervous release of terror.

22

1:3

He gets up and goes to stare out of the window. She approaches him - her laughing fit over) ROBERT

I won't be able to make it. You're too goddamned nutty. I'm getting too exhausted and too depressed. I have my problems too damn it. I thought I would never get into a funk again. I've been working well. I could let myself go as you do...rave and cry and laugh and wallow in self-pity...1 could go nuts tool (He screams, dances, rolls his eyes, sticks out his tongue) How's that?

SARAH ROBERT

I give you four out of ten - for trying. How's this then? (He crawls on all fours, howls like a dog)

SARAH

You're improving.

Five out of ten.

(He jumps up, and starts to dance...) ROBERT

I'm a nut.'

I'm a nut!

I'm a goddamned nut.'

(They sing and dance) SARAH

Now!

You're getting some place!

(They dance separately but she comes to him and they do a crazy abandoned dance together...For a moment he has forgotten himself and has really flipped out. She watches him fascinated and excited. ..They are in tune now. It frightens him. hausted) ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

He breaks away.

He stops ex-

So what did I prove? If that's all there was to being nuts, it would be a ball. What the hell do you want from me!

23

SARAH

ROBERT

The truth. It was just here wasnft it? Pshhh. Truth just dropped in and stayed a moment. There1s your truth and my truth, your life and my life. I am not responsible for your life!

SARAH No? ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

No ! Then why do you stay here with me? Why are you tolerating it? Why don't you call the police and get me out of here? Why don't you leave? Because you can't be left alone! What do you think I'll do left alone? Rip your furniture to pieces, set fire to the house?

ROBERT

Who the hell knows what you'll do? You'll think up something that's never been thought of before.

SARAH

If you're staying, shut up. If you feel you have to stay, stay, and take it like a man! Were you ever man enough to take anything?

ROBERT

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up, you raving maniac!

SARAH

Guilty!

I find this man guilty.

ROBERT

Guilty.

Guilty!

SARAH

How do you plead?

I sentence you to remain alive! (He sits and holds his head in his hands. touches his head)

She

You haven't done only destruction. You've helped me too. You're the only I know who helped me. ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

Then why are you going on like this...getting at me like this. I find you disgusting! Look at you...the way your face looks...poor itsy misused Bobby! His mentally ill sister's making him feel bad. Rave on, I won't let it touch me.

24

1:3

SARAH

Guilty!

Guilty, condemned to life.1

(He takes the notebook and holds the pencil ready) ROBERT SARAH

Shoot.

I'll make it.

Where were you?

Then I come out of the asylum. Robert Waller's got a Rhodes Scholarship and has gone to Oxford. All the excitement and success. Maybe hefll fail his exams and I111 laugh. (She gets quieter, remembering) When you were sick with that mastoid. I was twelve. Then I got to be sixteen. Who ye seeinf? Where ye goin1? Before she couldn't care less. I'm goin' to have a lady for a daughter. Can't go to the park. Okay, you got your lady. To me my life is a drama. To you it's a comedy. Brian would have married me but you spoiled it.

ROBERT

Brian never earned a penny in his life. His only reason for suggesting marriage to you was to be kept - by me.

SARAH

I'm such an ungrateful stinker: the more you help me the more I hate. It's hard to be grateful. That's what happens when people commit suicide. What's so horrible about death? Life is a bright light. Death is black. The more you live the brighter life is. The less the blacker. And that was why he wanted to marry me - so you could keep him?

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

You heard, eh? I hear everything. Yes.

I know.

I hear flowers and grass and chairs and walls. I believe you. It's not because I'm mentally ill that I can hear. I can hear when I'm well. I don't mean hallucinations.

25

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

I know what you mean...You realize you were hallucinating before. Yes. me?

It1s frightening.

Why did you have to hit

I got frantic. I thought I was getting messages from Debbie. Are you sure she's all right? I am positive! I telephoned and spoke to her! She's all right.1 And you didn't let me speak to her? You were not in a very pleasant state. When did you call her? At three this morning. You started imagining you were getting messages from her at three this morning. And she's all right? She is fine. messages.

You were getting somebody else's

(Tries to smile)

Is that what it was?

Why don't you hire a tent and tell fortunes or something? I can't tell fortunes. I just get messages. I really thought she was burning, the poor darling. On fire. Wow. You seem better. Will you stop issuing regular bulletins on my condition. Are you sure you're not putting on an act? Yes. It's an act. I feign madness. Like Hamlet. But my father hasn't asked me to avenge him. So what am I so disturbed about? As if I don't know.

26

1:3

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

You do know? I know everything. I told you. thinking this second.

I know what you1re

What am I thinking? Why doesnTt she die? Why doesn't she kill herself? Why doesnft she get out of my life? You're incredible. But you really loved me.

You know that.

Yes, I do love you. I don't mean like a brother. you can't face it.

You love me and

You've always tried to make me believe that. There must be a reason I feel that. It's your fantasy, not mine. Debbie was ill, wasn't she?

Wasn't she?

She'd been ill, yes. So I was right...wrong about her burning. she had a high temperature.

But

She'd had a bad throat infection. She had it ten days ago. She was fine when I spoke to her. You got a rather delayed message. But I knew she was ill. I knew she was calling me. I knew she was burning up. You thought she was on fire. Boy, when you do this you really sound like a kook. You hadn't heard from her. You thought she was ill. You started having hallucinations. You thought she was burning, on fire. It turns out she had a throat infection ten days ago! You didn't start getting your messages until this morning. Does it take ten days for the messages to cross the Atlantic?

27

SAME ROBERT

(Smiling) Maybe they got stopped for a while in Newfoundland. She's really all right now. Yes ! I 1 m going to prepare an omelet. If you care to eat it, fine. If not, also fine. (He goes into the kitchen. Sarah takes one of Robert1s notebooks and a pencil and begins to make notes as she speaks)

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

It makes me depressed when I'm with people who don't like me. It doesn't send me into heaven either. I'm new in this city. do you want me to do?

I have no friends. You're my brother.

You're joking. Is that who I am? I'm not your mother?

What

Are you sure

(After a pause) Are you trying to confuse me? (He laughs)

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

You can be quite funny when you want to. When I get into a high like this I have to spend money. I'll need at least five pounds a day. When I'm in a high I must spend money\ (Drily) Could you make it a fifty pence a day high? I can't afford more. (She giggles)

SARAH

I'll make it a pound a day high. (She chuckles again. gets angry)

He shakes his head.

She

All right. I'll settle for the fifty pence. I don't need your money. I'll go on the street and charge a pound a throw. ROBERT

(Disgusted) 28

1:3

You make me ill.

SARAH

Why not? (She starts laughing, delighted at the thought of it) Embarrass big brother Bobby having a whore for a sister?

ROBERT SARAH

A little.

How much?

SARAH

(Deadpan)

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

Think you could?

Might - for a lot of money.

ROBERT

ROBERT

Yes.

Three pounds.

At least that.

Youfre a laugh a minute. You're a joy too, aren't you? Sarah reacts on you? I have to conform to your life? I want to go out in the evening, but he's working making moneyÎ They're all working making money. You've been more than a daddy to me, dear old daddy! Lower middle class crap is what he was, daddy, dear old alcoholic idiot, daddy, and mother was stuck on him! We're dealing with murderers and informers! You'll have to stop that! You'll have to stop it.' Your voice is going into my brain! You'll have to stop it! Don't listen! You'll have to stop it.

I can't take it.

Why don't you come with me and see how it feels? I don't want to come with you. Come with me. Come with me. Come with me. Take a ride around the world. Come, big brother, come with little sister. Come with me. Stop it.' Stop it! Stop it.' Where's that goddamned doctor! Yes, I wish you would die! Yes! Yes! You destroy me! I destroy you? 29

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

I can't take any more. I wonder why. Somebody destroyed somebody, brother! Do you know what happens when you have a hospital record? When the record shows you've had shock treatment? They always give you shock treatment after that! Did you know that?! No.

I didn't.

They gave me shock treatment when I was sixteen years old! They were sadists! It's a form of coercion! The ones that give it hate people who are different from them. That's nonsense. How would you know it's nonsense!? get shock treatment?

Did you ever

I never needed it. You think anybody needs it?! I'll never have it again! I can't stand it! Promise me you'll never let them give me shock again! I promise you. Is it within your power to promise me?

ROBERT

It is. Yes. The nearest relative or guardian must give permission.

SARAH

It was you who gave permission the first time?

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

It was mother. She must have asked you if it was all right. Mother gave the permission. But she asked you if she should, didn't she? Yes. And you told her to sign the paper, didn't you? It seemed the only thing to do.

30

1:3

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

Did you try to find out what it meant, if I wanted it, if it would be good for me? (Quietly) you.

The doctor said it would be good for

Did you investigate that doctor? Did you try to find out if he had any intelligence, if he was an honest man, if he wasn't some sick, sadistic bastard who'd gone into psychiatry in the first place because it gave him an opportunity to torture people? Did you? No.

I didn't.

If anybody had ever suggested shock treatment for you, I'd have made bloody sure about that man, before I signed the papers! You say that now. I was nineteen years old. didn't know anything about it.

I

If you didn't know anything about it, why did you tell mother it was all right to sign the papers? We didn't know. We were told. was best for you.

We believed it

You didn't give a goddamn for me I Mother wanted me out of the way.' I was embarrassing you! I was taking attention away from you. I was using dirty words and shocking the neighbours so you put me into an insane asylum.' You were raving...you were shouting on the streets ...you were going into department stores and ordering clothes for thousands of dollars...you were inviting men on the street to sleep with you...you were dancing, singing, making a spectacle of yourself...and you were frightening everybody with your hostility. So give her shock treatment.' Coerce her! Lock her up.' Treat her like you wouldn't treat an animal.' Make her a hospital case. (Quietly)

We didn't know what to do.

But you know what to do now.

31

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

We know a little more now. And you agree I donTt need shock treatments. I agree you shouldnft have them if you feel that way about them. And you'll never give permission no matter what they tell you, how it1s supposed to help me? Never? Never.

But it did help you.

Promise me! I promise. You've made other promises and told other lies. (Tense) It would be good if you didn't keep throwing it up to me. I didn't know what I was doing. I was young. 1 was panicked. And mother gave me the responsibility...Dad behaved as if nothing was happening. Mother was trying to protect him...I didn't know how to handle it. The doctor told me you had to be hospitalized. I didn't know what to do. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I was joking. No. I was sincere. Mother always wanted to help me in her own way. She had a heart of gold. That's what makes it so hard to understand. That's why its easier to go back when they're old. It's hard to recollect what they looked like in childhood. The distasteful recollection. If you love people they will be nice to you no matter what you wear. If people like you they'll still like you. I never could paint your picture. Sentimental rot. I hate that word rot. (She sips her milk and rests) When I met Joe McCullum it was funny. I made a portrait of his wife. She wanted it. I hated to part with it. Then I did a painting of Joe. I think I was in love with him. You can't say anything. Everything is censored.

32

1:3

(The doorbell rings) Who1s that? ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

Probably John Williams. Please tell him to go. I don't need any heavy sedation now. I've calmed down. Please. Let him just take a look at you. You1re going to force me to go to a hospital! No! My God, I111 kill myself! No! He1s just come to give you a sedative - a strong one. You need it. I need it. (The doorbell rings again)

SARAH

I know your treachery! (Sarah hurries to the desk, gets a large scissors and holds it) Please donft do this to me again! donTt want to see a doctor now!

ROBERT SARAH

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

I

Why not? You let him see you at two this morning? Why not now? I have changed since two this morning. You have changed. He has changed. If you let him in I swear IT11 kill myself. Don't send me to a hospital! (Robert goes. We hear voices O.S. She replaces the scissors)

ROBERT

Please!

Robert returns.

I sent him away. He came to take me to a hospital. No. He gave me some stronger pills for you. But I've asked him to get you into a very good hospital where you'll be well treated. There are some good ones as well as bad ones. He's gone to get policemen to force me into a hospital. 33

ROBERT No.

1*111 telling you the truth.

SARAH You said that before. ROBERT

I111 never lie to you again. You have to believe that. Please take one of these now. We'll both get some sleep.

SARAH And I'll wake up in a concentration camp. ROBERT SARAH

No, 1 swear it. No. I can never believe anybody again. You, of all people, know that.

You know that.

(She starts to pace the floor) ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

I shouldnft have told him to go. given you an injection.

He would have

If you're telling me the truth, then sit down. If you're so sleepy, you go to sleep! You can't be left alone. God knows what you'll do. I saw you with those scissors. You've lied to me about John Williams, haven't you? He's gone to get a policeman I No. You're raving. Let's change the mood, so we can communicate. I wrote about this in my book. The inability to communicate because of mood differences. Listen. It can be interesting. The mechanism of pseudo-sex... When I was in the hospital a minister came and asked if he could help me. I asked if he believed in life after death. He said yes. I said show me. That's very funny. You're not the only one who can be funny. And when was that lately? I haven't laughed at anything you've said in five thousand years! Life was nothing until I met mother. Did you make that up all by yourself?

34

1:3

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

And it wasn't very much after that either. A small giggle.

Is your book a book of jokes?

Some of it yes. Pseudo sexual postures in animals seem natural. In humans they get ridiculous. In crowded conditions animals and humans go batty. Yeah.

Well, you're crowding meI

Pseudo sex is a mechanism to stop aggression. When it breaks down fighting and killing break out. Debbie tried to teach me how to eat. Tell you what. Let's pick out one of your distracted thoughts and try to analyze it. That way we might... Close your mouth when you eat, she said. Orientals eat with their mouths open. a question of cultural conditioning.

It's all

Why are there so many hostile words for the mentally ill? Let's discuss that then. People are afraid they'll get infected and they behave out of fear and ignorance. They...

SARAH

I ended up praying in the hospital, not in front of the minister. I prayed to our Father in Heaven...

ROBERT

(Over) Let's discuss what you were saying about the hostile words for the mentally ill.

SARAH

...to forgive our trespasses as we forgave them. So I'm a Mary Magdalene. I don't have to be the Virgin Mary.

ROBERT

SARAH

(Over) Sarah! saying.'

Let's discuss what you were

(Whispers) Please forgive me my sins. It does help to have sort of a father. Imagine working

35

in a Catholic University and telling everybody I'm an atheist. (He1s begun writing again, realizing he could not make her concentrate) I think I'm a genius and you donft. (Icy voice of hostility) I may not always be constructive. I!m as perfect as I am capable of being. ROBERT

SARAH

I think I like it when you're hostile...It makes it easier to dislike you. Anything to make it easier for you. with Susan last night...Nice?

How was it

(He doesn't answer)

Anthropologist, eh? Must pick up a lot of tricks in darkest Africa. Or is darkest Latin America or darkest Asia where she gets her kicks? Do anthropologists do it better than us ordinary mortals? ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

Oh shut up. You don't like jokes about sex do you? You write about sex. You talk about sex. You even give advice about sex. But underneath it all you1re a puritan. You're the kind of man who tells his children everything there is to know about sex except the most important thing - that it's fun. Right? Wrong.

I've told Albie it's fun.

You're a liar. Well...I plan to tell him. (She laughs)

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

Fool the idiots out there. But you can't fool me, Mr Successful Man. Do you enjoy it with Susan? That's not your business. Does she undress with the lights off? it with the lights on or off? 36

1:3

Do you do

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

That is not your business. Little research I f m doing for the Readers Digest. How long can you stay in there without coming, professor? Shut up.

Shut up!

How long has she been an anthropologist? About four years. How long has she been your girl friend? I told you.

Almost a year.

That's pretty long for you, isn't it? A record. How come your marriage lasted so long? Fear. Of what? I don't know. Afraid to make the break, be on my own. I don't know. Are you going to marry Susan? I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get married again. I'm not sure. What about a little snooze? I'll sing you to sleep - like I used to when we were kids. Okay? I'd like to get married again. Perhaps you will. No.

I won't.

No you won't. Yes I will. Yes you will. Then marry me. 37

ROBERT

I f m busy this season. (She suddenly gets very hostile)

SARAH

No matter what period of my life, it's me. You can't beat me into submission. I look at things my way. You your way. Shall we dance? Why can't I stare if I want to? If you think when I'm thinking things out I'm manic then thank you very much. I like to be manic. I curtsy and leave. (She curtsies and leaves. He is exhausted and tries to sleep. She returns, wearing a black wig and smoking a cigarette. She puts on a record of 'Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone' very loud and does an act as if she's on a stage or a night club performer dancing as she sings. It blasts very loud. Robert lowers the volume. She knows only some of the words, hums the ones she doesn't know)

ROBERT SARAH

You're getting high again. in waves. Take a pill.

You seem to have it

Fou take a pill! You come in waves too, you know! I'd rather take a bath. I don't understand pharmacy and I like to know what I'm eating in any shape or form. (Shouts) That's my principle! (Sarah starts to undress and leaves the room, returning in various stages of dishabille, until she is in brassiere and panties, and finally returns with a towel covering her. She does a strip tease, showing glimpses of one breast then the other to an unseen audience) I'm trying to make a point! They stare at us! They do speak so cultured here, don't they? (Mimics a Mayfair accent) Oh do take a shit beside the sea, boys, oh do take a dump beside the sea! Yes, utterly charming cunt, aren't you, darling? Oh, have I shocked your fat middleclass asses? Do do the do-do-doodoos. (Normal) Up your fat ass. We're so ugly, aren't we? (Mayfair again) You mean to say this girl is Canadian? They sound so American dont' they? 38

1:3

Yeah, I mean to say, Australians sound Australian and New Zealanders sound New Zealy, but Canadians sound Amurrican. We do ftis true. And yet not quite Amurrican. More North American really. We're not going to make our mark in this world with our English accents. Mais oui, non, sacrement, merde shit man and a coupla excuse me for living. The British give me big pain in the arse. No wonder they lost their Empah. Still, give credit. Our beloved country has made its contributions. We gave the world hockey, Banting, and Bethune, but we'll be remembered best for giving plutonium to India. (Indian accent) We thank you, Canada, for helping us solve our problem of overpopulation and undernourishment. Two hundred million starving so make an H-Bomb. Come to India to study the profound blessings of transcendental meditation, the only way to bring peace and enlightenment to mankind. (Normal) I could bring peace and enlightenment to mankind, if they'd let me. Shit. Two thirds of the world is still starving. Feed them.1 Or how about a glimpse of titty? Or the right nostril? Piece of ass or does a flash of heel grab you? There are different kinds of afflictions and affections. Love can change. Into hate. Or into friendship. Ours turned into both, didn't it? It has nothing to do with incest. To love or not to love, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to give it a label and thus stop thinking about it or face it as the sea of troubles it is. How come you're not writing this down? It's the best I've done yet. Where was I? Afflictions and affections. Jack kept a dinner party amused for an hour describing how I spill tea. Such a funny man, such a successful money-making mother-fucker, a smilersalesman of a man who will undoubtedly run for public office one day and get elected and then inflict us with his incompetence as he enriches himself and his fellow bandits at our expense. Three cheers for democracy and inflation and a small cheer for Russia, God help us, for the alternatives they offer us. Fine weather we're having, aren't we? I wouldn't burn a fly let alone a person so I have to be put away but they run armies and governments and are called heroes. It's a silly sort of speech. Are you your sister's keeper? You have kept telling us you are but you're a flop at it.'

39

If they finally do explode the H-Bomb it's going to be one big fire, let's face it. When I smoke a cigarette it's burning up atoms. That's why it might be cancer forming. Something about cancer that's rather fascinating. Anybody could find a cure for it, but they're too busy making money! Are you kinky for elbows perhaps, or are you strictly an ear, nose and tit man? Bloody morons all of you making us into pieces of flesh and getting glass-eyed over it. ROBERT

(Almost at breaking point) a pill. Go to sleep now!

Take a pill.

Take

(She stares at him. He tries to outstare her and he is angry as if she is trying to do something harmful to him) SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

You don't like my eyes? Should I tear them out? Have you ever liked anything I've done? No. Never. I never said a nice word about anything you did. And I'm responsible for everything bad that ever happend to you. (Whispers) Yes! Directly and indirectly! and your fellow men!

You

(Referring to her stare) Just what do you think you're going to accomplish by that? Then come over and say hello to me. too.

I'm a person

(He yawns sleepily. She starts writing silently in her notebook again) Don't interrupt me! I'm trying to write about my daughter. Don't interrupt. (She looks up) Are you trying to work? ROBERT

(Exhausted) I've got to get some sleep! I can't cope if I don't get sleep. I must sleep! (He falls asleep on the couch)

40

1:3

(She waits. He1s asleep, for a few seconds) SARAH

She weeps silently

There was a time you felt everything I felt, no matter what I said. That was ten thousand years ago, before we all got separated from everything and from each other. So my eyelids droop. (She goes to the window to look out) So much civilization here. It's time it made somebody happy. I flipped because of the way you were when I came here. You went to Corsica with Albie. You come back and go straight to Susan. It could have driven a healthy person crazy, let alone me. (She moves to hug him, as if what she said was cruel and hurtful to him. This wakes him up) I donft want to hurt you. I want to stay with you all the time and you only want me part of the time. Is that the secret? Should I leave? I like being your sister. It1s not easy feeling so lost and alone. (She begins to stroke his hair) Do you mind my stroking your hair?

ROBERT SARAH

No. I used to see Mummy do it. do it.

I always wanted to

(She lies down on the couch, her words becoming inaudible) Psychiatrists. They put you into cubby holes. If you don't fit one they put you into another. I've seen so many I could give a course. Same old crap, infantile neglect, adolescent trauma, repressed terror, loss of identity. (She gets up to go to her room.

We hear her O.S.)

I'm going to write a letter to the Prime Minister. Or should I write to Mao Tse Tung? Who's going to win out? Microbes?

41

(Robert takes a drink of whisky. Swallows fast. Then takes another drink and lies down on the couch, exhausted. Sarah returns, dressed, the black wig off, her own hair now) SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

l f m going out. (Getting up - slightly drunk) You're not going anywhere. I have to watch the sinking of western civilization. Watch it from the window.

You're not going out.

SARAH Why not? ROBERT SARAH

Because you may decide to take your dress off in the street. So what? Is that hurting anybody? Do I have to be locked up because I might take my dress off in the street? Society says no dresses off in the street. I take my dress off. Lock her up! You're treading on dangerous ground! (Vicious suddenly) I'm warning you billy boy. I'm sick and tired of always ending up with someone telling me I'm sick. (Screams) I'm warning you! Don't try to ruin me again! (He suddenly rushes at her, infuriated)

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

Now you take two of these pills the doctor gave me! I've had enough! (Screaming)

I won't!

I won't!

You will! (He struggles with her and throws her to the floor. He forces the two pills into her mouth. She screams and gags. He holds her mouth closed, and keeps her hands fixed. He has one knee on her chest on the floor. He is brutal with her. He keeps holding her mouth closed, brutally) Swallow it!

42

1:2

Swallow it!

Swallow it, damn you!

(Slowly she swallows. He gets up. She coughs and gets up. She goes out. He sits down, exhausted and takes another drink. She returns with her travelling bag) SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

All right.

I f m ready.

For what? All right.

I'm ready.

For what? For the hospital. Let's go. while I'm still conscious.

I want to get there

I'm not taking you to any hospital now. Those pills are only to make you sleep. I told you I would never lie to you again. Doctor Williams is trying to get you into a special place where they don't give shock treatments. It may take seven to ten days...God help me. Then why did you force me to take those pills? To calm you down. So you can get some sleep. So, I'll get some sleep. So you won't drive me mad like you're trying to. Why do I have to be put away? Why can't you take care of me? If you were ill I'd take care of you. You need constant attention. alone.

You cannot be left

Then give me constant attention. Don't leave me alone. You owe it to me. You and you alone owe it to me. We know what you did to me - don't we, big brother! (They hold each other's stare, looking guilty)

43

He is uncomfortable,

ACT II

Scene 1 The next day. Sarah is alone painting. She now wears an auburn wig. She stops and goes to try the front door. We hear her banging at it. She returns. SARAH

Bloody idiot.

Locking me in.

(She resumes her painting. Then she takes a look at what she's done and spits at it. She looks at the saliva running down the painting and is suddenly pleased with the effect so she starts spitting more, using the brush to mix in the saliva) Action painters.

Feet painters.

Spit painters.

(The telephone rings. She stares at it but doesn't go to answer it) Hello.

He's not in.

(Phone rings again) You deaf or something? (It rings again) Worst telephone system in the world. in!

He's not

(It rings again) Maybe it's him. (She picks up the receiver and uses a Chinese accent) Mistan Waller's residence...oh hello...I'm not feeling too well...Yes, I'll tell him...You'11 have to wait...I have to find a pencil and paper ...It is Susan, isn't it?...You'11 have to wait, I'll get a pencil and paper.

44

11:1

(She puts receiver on table and stares at the phone. She looks distracted, sees her painting and goes to it. She paints for a moment. Then looks at the phone and walks to it) You1!! have to wait...Ifm looking for a paper and pencil... (She puts receiver down, finds a paper and pencil and places them beside the phone. Then she leaves room to come back with a pitcher full of water and waters the flowers. She goes to phone) You'll have to wait... (She leaves the room with pitcher and returns to sweep up. Then she decides to hell with this and throws some papers around the room. And goes to the phone again) Hello...You still there?...I'm looking for a pencil and paper...Where? On the table? Oh, yes! Here it is. Sorry to have kept you waiting. What's the number? (She writes in a long sweeping movement, obviously not writing the number, making circular doodles) That'll be nice. You haven't visited this place since I arrived have you? If you had you'd have noticed the dent on the left-hand side of his bed...He sleeps on the right hand side...How come there's a dent on the empty pillow on the left side?...I'm not trying to make trouble.' I'm trying to convey truth.' Truth should be conveyed.' How else will truth spread if it is not conveyed? ...That hooked you, didn't it? How much do you love him and how much will you forgive him for? ...I'll forgive him for anything. That's how much I love him...Does it really shock you?...Why do you think I got ill the first time?...You want words, I'll give you words. You want truth, I'll give you truth...Bobby and I were always madly in love...We still are. He couldn't face it so he drugged me. That's why he came to London...What I'm trying to say? There's a dent on the left pillow is all I'm saying and it comes from somebody's head and the head ain't his...I'm telling

45

you this because I think it's better if you know ...If you found out later it might be destructive ...hearing it from me, you'll learn to live with it...He won't be able to tell you. He can't face the dent on his left pillow because that dent is Sarah sister...You want to hear something even funnier?...You sure?...Our whole family's that way. My dear Daddy did it to me and that's why we're all mad...But I'm the one they lock up. But why aren't they locked up too? Where's the justice of it all?...You still want him to call you?...Brave little girl. We'll see how much you can love, or know what it's all about...Of course I'll tell him you called...But don't tell him what I've told you. He'll kill me. He already tried a couple of times...Bye lover... (She replaces receiver and returns to her painting) We're now going to get a lesson in love. Hers. His. Mine. Ohhhhhhhhl Who's responsible for whom? Me. Truth of truth. Evolution, I hate you! You didn't get far enough to have me around1 Big brain reached out saw the truth and past screwed you up. The tragic equation. X equals where we are. Shit! (Turns slowly as if she's heard something) I beg your pardon! (Listens) That's very astute. The pauses they put in you fill in for them. Astute. The day is for telling jokes. (Giggles) If the world is round I'm a bit round myself and the ultimate connection is me here, the world, the universe, the beginnings, the always there, the mystery. And I make it all mediocre saying I'll fall off round the world. (She laughs) That's very good. (She goes to the mirror and looks at herself) You don't look like a monster. You look all right to me. When you woke up this morning I thought you were an ugly monster. (She hears the door opening and waits. 46

11:1

Robert enters carrying groceries) ROBERT You all right? (She doesn't answer.

He goes to deposit groceries)

Anyone call? (She doesn't answer) They think they'll have a bed for you at Holloway Sanitorium in four or five days. That's really good news, you know. It's a beautiful place. Large beautiful gardens, tennis courts, swimming pool - intelligently administered. You don't get shock treatment there if you don't want it...It's the kind of place you should have gone to before. I'm very pleased. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get you in but Williams arranged it. I'm very grateful for that. SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

Were we ever good friends? Yes.

We're still good friends.

Does a good friend do what you're doing? I think so. I think you're a very cruel person. I don't think so. I think so. I don't agree with you. I'm not a cruel person. I'm a rather kind person actually. You say you're not cruel, but I've seen you cut lemons. (Takes a moment to let that penetrate)

ROBERT SARAH

Don't you cut lemons? Yes.

But when I do I cry.

(She leaves)

47

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

That can make slight difference to the lemons. (Calling out) I expected Susan to call. (O.S.)

She called.

What did she say? (Reappearing)

Did she leave a number for me?

I told her we'd slept together.

You did? Shouldn't I have? You're very funny. (Sarah takes a flower and begins to smell it like Ophelia)

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

Get thee to a nunnery. You didn't really tell her that, did you? When I was sixteen. How you drugged me and I woke up and you were inside me and how we were always madly in love with one another. Did Susan phone? Somebody phoned and said it was Susan. Is she calling back? I'll be very surprised. What did you tell her? That I'm entitled to my brain! Do you want some tea? I choose not to have tea.' (She stares at him.

ROBERT SARAH

He returns the stare)

Did Susan phone or didn't she?

I want to know.

(Smelling the flower) Come on, let's give them all an exhibition. I have never seen a guy not want to come in my life. 48

11:1

(She runs out of the room and then makes an appearance leaning against the door and smelling the flower. Robert laughs) ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

You1re funny. Don't send me to any hospitals. I can't take them anymore. They coerce me there. Not this one.

That's why I waited so long.

Let me stay with you. We could be good for each other. In the last analysis, that's all that means anything. You get funnier by the minute. for each other! Yeah!

We could be good

You're just frightened. The state of terror they put you in. The state of terror they put me in is escapable. I know the road out.' You know nothing!

You know nothing!

There is your truth and there is my truth. Or are you staying to find out? You go to Corsica and leave me. You go to Susan and leave me. You go to England and leave me. How can I ever leave you? My home was a jungle. I'm part of your life. You've got to help me when I need you. I am trying to help you. Help me like I tell you to help me! When you see me you go to war! I could be cured this instant! Do you hear that! How? If you told me...if you told me that you would take care of me, devote yourself to me for three stinking or maybe four stinking weeks of your life. If you said you cared for me enough, loved me enough, wanted to help me enough to do that... I'd be cured! It's as simple as that. Can't you see that?

49

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

And if you1re not? Then you've given up thirty days! And I111 know and you'll know and I'll never ask anything of you again ever. Darling...I know it wasnft your fault. We were both babies. I was sixteen. You were nineteen. Where was the mother and the father? I know the doctor told you that I had to be hospitalized. I loved you so much. I hated Mother. I was afraid of her and of him. I came to you because you were the only one I could trust. And you gave me those pills that put me to sleep and you said you were taking me to a dance...and I woke up in that hell-hole they called a hospital. I didn't know how to get you there...Itfs been killing me...you know that...I live with the terrible guilt of that. It's my constant nightmare. I woke up in that torture chamber...My brother was taking me to a dance...My brother Bobby. My beautiful brother Bobby...and I woke up in a concentration camp where they used strait jackets and they beat me. I know it was not your fault. I know it was not your fault. I know it was not your fault. But my God...(She is crying) I never loved anybody else! And I came to you and I woke up in this place...My God I never loved anybody else. (He is crying now, too) I never loved anybody else either...I was frantic...! didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do! I didn't know what to do! (They are holding each other now, both crying. Then they look at each other and begin to laugh with the crying. He removes the auburn wig almost without thinking and throws it on a nearby chair) Well, we've done it.

SARAH

Now we're both crazy.

Oh yeah! Isn't it wonderful? Oh God, if I just knew that you loved me and that I'd be taken care of by you, I'd never be sick again...Never. I know it. My sickness is because you...leave... 50

11:1

me...That's my sickness. so easily!

And it can be cured

(He moves away and takes a handkerchief to dry his eyes) ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

No. I wonTt accept that. That's not why you became ill. Because you love me and I leave you. No. That's not the reason. What's the reason? I don't know. I don't know the reasons people become mentally ill. Too much sensitivity - Too much neglect - I don't know. Say you're right. But I believe I'm right. And if you made that one gesture, that one small move ...I'd be cured. If I believed that I would do it. How can I make you believe it? I know you believe it.

But it isn't so.

You really believe I'm in such a state as to be dangerous? I don't think you're dangerous.

No.

Then what am I? You can't take care of yourself. You're unstable. You need to be taken care of - in a hospital, by competent professional people, trained to take care of people like you. Do I sound irrational at this moment? No. Not at this moment. minutes.

I'll give you five

If I start sounding irrational it's because I get frightened, or get hostile, or panic, or get so sad I can't bear it. But I come out of it. Don't I always come out of it? Then it's the effect you have on me. 51

It's not

good for me to be with you. SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

So you're sending me to a hospital because I have a bad effect on you. If that's the way we have to put it, yes But you'd be pleased, wouldn't you, if I go what you call well, and would be able to take care of myself, and didn't spill my tea, and didn't act strangely in front of people? Of course I'd be pleased. You'd be happy if you felt I never had to go to a hospital, wouldn't you? Of course. But every time I go to hospital, it makes it worse for me, can't you see that? It makes it more and more certain that I'll spend the rest of my life in a hospital. That doesn't follow. You need constant attention. The hospital will give it to you. When you get out of this state...and can remain stable for long periods...you won't have to stay in the hos pital. But if you devoted yourself to me for one lousy month... thirty days...four weeks...just four weeks, if you gave me this attention I obviously need, I'd never get sick again. Why can't you see that? It doesn't make sense. Try it. All you'll lose is one month of your life. If it doesn't work, I'll go to the hospital. If it works...I'11 never have to go to hospital. I'm asking you to give me one month of your life. I have the right to ask you.

( She waits) J have that right. ROBERT

No. You don't. 52

11:1

Nobody has. It isn't a month

you1re asking for, it1s a lifetime. I cannot give you my life. Perhaps you need someone to give you a life. But it won't be me. (He is quiet and calm now) Listen to me, Sarah. If I gave you thirty days now, it would not be enough for you. I am waiting to get you into a very good hospital. The first one we sent you to was a hellhole. Hospitals like that one dp still exist, but this one is a well-staffed, intelligently run sanitorium. I will get over my guilt. I am sorry for any hurt I did you but I cannot live the rest of my life feeling guilty for mistakes and stupidities of my youth. I have my own life to work out, my work to do, and it is not unimportant, the work I do! SARAH

How do you manage to sound so pompous? Is it easy for you? Why is it that more women become mentally ill than men? Explain it.

ROBERT

It is obvious that society is tougher on women than on men. I am not responsible for society.

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

You are.

You and people like you are societyÎ

I didn't make this world. It was like this before I got here! I'm doing my best to improve it. And myself as well. But you don't help me. I've been neglecting Susan, doing to her what I always do.' I want to work at a relationship now. I want to stop searching out women who are wrong for me to prove that love is impossible. I might have a chance with Susan. I don't know. I've got to give us a chance. Yes, you should.

I agree with you.

It doesn't matter if you do or don't. I will do what I can for you Sarah and no more. I can't help it if I sound pompous. You can help it, Robert, you just don't try. When the hospital is ready you will go there. There is no other way. And your humour is falling flat.

53

SARAH

Yes. All I asked was thirty days. That's all I need from you to overcome everything that-s happened. If you could have done it for me I think I would have been well for the rest of my life. But if you can't, you can't. I'm not angry now. I too can face things. I'll try not to get on your nerves any more, and make it as easy as possible, until the hospital's ready. I'm sorry I've been such a nuisance. I don't know what gets into me. You get pompous and I get wilful. Infantile. I know you're not responsible for my illness. It's just that when I get frightened I make you responsible for everything that's ever happened to me. It isn't fair what I expect from you. No person can expect that from anyone. I'm sorry. (She leaves the room. He takes a deep breath of satisfaction. He has made his point and she seems to have accepted. He goes to his desk and dials a number)

ROBERT

(To phone) Hello...Who's this?...Oh Joanie... It's Robert. Where's Sue?...Oh...1 thought her mother was holidaying in France...Don't be silly. You didn't say anything you shouldn't have. If Sue said she went to visit her mother and will be back tomorrow, that's what she's done...Leave a note, will you please, that I called...Either at the office or at home...Thank you... (He replaces the receiver and feels suddenly tired. He takes a drink and then his manuscript. He lies down. He lies awake a while... Lights fade out. Lights fade on slowly. Sarah has appeared, as if out of a wall, holding the scissors in her hand, and stands beside the couch. She stands there a while staring at him, as if sending messages to him. He is restless and moans in his sleep)

54

11:1

SARAH

Why shouldn't I kill you?

You killed me.

(She continues to stand motionless, concentrating hard. She whispers it) You are not my brother. You are an imposter. Where is my brother, Robert? You are not my brother. My brother would not have done what you did to me. Where is my brother? You are not my brother. (He wakes up with a start) ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

What the hell are you doing with those scissors? You killed me.

I have a right to kill you.

Bloody Loonie! Put those scissors down! You were saying something! What were you saying! (She moves away, he gets up to follow. She moves slowly in a circle, holding the scissors as if they were a knife. She has a triumphant smile) Put those scissors down, you loonie!

SARAH

Why shouldn't I kill you as you killed me? (Sarah continues to move, smiling the deadly hostile smile. He is frightened...but he continues to follow. Finally, she throws the scissors away)

ROBERT SARAH

You bloody maniac!

Stop doing things like that!

You stop doing things too.

You stop.

I'll stop.

(He suddenly seems to remember) ROBERT

You were saying something to me while I was asleep. What were you saying? (She stares, unmoving, but sure of her powers now) What were you saying? (She continues her stare, concentrating hard. 55

He starts to writhe, holding his head in his hands, as if trying to push out the thoughts) Oh, Christ. All right! Oh no...! All right... all right, all right, all right...You can have the month! It*s a deal! Don't say that to me again. Ever! I can't...I can't take it. That's the nightmare I can't take, I can't get it out of my brain and my nightmares...walking through that ward of women patients, like a scene out of Bedlam. Some of the women were young, in their teens, some were drooling, rolling their eyes, praying and whispering. One was crying, another was shrieking and they were all dressed in those terrible cotton shifts, and this nurse, she wore glasses, and had hair on her lip, opened the door and you were there, your head showing out of that strange canvas bath tub they had put you in, covered you up to your neck and your face was blue and pimply. Christ. 'He's not my brother,' you said. 'You told me my brother Robert was here to see me. He's not my brother Robert. He's an imposter. I want to see my brother Robert. At first I thought you really hadn't recognized me. And I kept saying 'I'm Robert. I'm Robert, Sarah. Don't you recognize me?' And you kept saying, 'You're not my brother Robert. I want to see my brother Robert. My own brother. This man is an imposter. This is not my brother.' Ohhh...(He moans) You can stay a month but only on condition that you don't say that to me again ...I won't be able to live through the guilt and the doubts if I don't give you the month. It is only thirty days. I know it won't work, but I have to give it to you. I do owe it to you. SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

You're not going to send me to a hospital? No. You're not going to send me to a hospital? No. Oh my God!

You won't send me to a hospital?

No. But you get on my nerves with your raving and talking and talking and talking.

56

11:1

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

I'll try to control myself. Yes.

Do you mean it?

I hope I can last the whole month.

I'll be fine, you'll see. them now.

Phone them and tell

(Robert goes to phone and dials a number) ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

(To phone) Dr Williams?...Bob Waller...Hello John, cancel that Holloway bed, will you please? ...Well, I think she's getting better and she is so frightened of going to a hospital...I'll take a month off...Yes, cancel it...I'm sure...Thanks for everything...I'll call you if I need you. Maybe this is an hallucination, a dream I'm having. I never have good dreams though, so it can't be a dream. I'll have to go into the office for a few days ...get things ready. Will you be all right alone? Of course! it needed.

I'm cured. I'm better. That's all Look. Am I sick anymore?

You do seem better. I am better.' you are too.

I'm going to be all right now, and It's going to be beautiful for us.

(She moves to hug him. He doesn't want to reject her, but he holds her away a little) ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARA.H

All right, baby.

Don't overdo it.

I'm so happy I don't know what to do with myself. Can we go to a concert tonight? You feel up to something like that? disturb you?

People won't

Nothing will ever disturb me again. Ever. Oh God...I don't think I'm an atheist anymore. I just started to believe in God again. (Blackout)

57

Scene 2

The next day When the lights come on, Sarah is knitting alone, looking well and contented. The phone rings. She answers it.

SARAH

Hello...Sorry, he1s not in, but can I take a message? Mayfair 7600...Professor Johnson... 1*11 tell him. This is his sister-secretary, Sarah...No, I donft believe we!ve met, but Robert's talked so much about you and all the help you've been giving him with his new book...1 hope so... Thank you very much. Bye... (She replaces the receiver, checks the number) Best goddamned little sister-secretary in the history of the beautiful world. (She goes to kitchen, returns with a pot which she is tasting and then returns with it to kitchen. She comes back humming and arranging some flowers on the table. She looks into the mirror) l!m better!

I'm all better!

(She sticks her tongue out, but then looks quickly around to make sure nobody's seen her) Be careful. When you do something like that they could lock you up. (She sticks her tongue out again and grins happily hugging herself) You're very attractive. You're attractive. You're not too bad looking. You'll do. He's come through for me. He loves me. He does really love me. Someone really cares about me, and isn't handing me any crap. (The doorbell rings O.S. causing her to jump in surprise. It rings again. She is momentarily frightened, but leaves to answer the O.S. door. We hear her opening the door and cannot make out the muffled interchange O.S. When she returns she is carrying a box of flowers, which she opens and proceeds to place, with loving 58

11:2

care, one by one, in two vases which she fills with water. She places the flowers on the desk and on a table...then rearranges one or two of them. Finally, she removes one flower and places it in a small container by itself. She smiles at the single flower. Satisfied that the flowers are arranged perfectly to her taste, she studies them lovingly - and listens, as if she can hear them. She approaches the flowers kissing one of them, caressing another, and listening...completely and utterly at peace, in tune with herself and her surroundings at this moment) ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

(Entering) You look good. You really look good. Your eyes are shining. Your skin's clear. Your eyes are also shining. Whatfs the matter with my skin? Glowing! It seems to be working.

You think it will last?

I know it. The cure was so simple!

But it's never too late!

Where there's life there's hope! Better late than never! Never look back! A stitch in time! (They laugh)

SARAH

ROBERT

I've never been like this...ever...except in our teens. But never as happy as this. It's wonderful! (She hugs him)

59

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

You did it. You proved the world was a beautiful place. It1s the first time I really feel I've come through for anybody. You have. You have. You have. You're doing it for me and by doing it for me you've done it for yourself. It feels good. ner's ready.

I'll do a little work until din-

Shall I make you a drink? A great idea. More water than Scotch. I'll phone Susan before I start. I haven't spoken to her in two days...I'm surprised she didn't call. I hope nothing's wrong.

SARAH Of course nothing's wrong. working late.

She's probably been

(She hands him the drink) You didn't notice the chair. ROBERT SARAH

(Puzzled) What about the chair? The springs had fallen through! (She turns the armchair upside down to show the new webbing) I went out this morning, bought the new webbing, and did it all myself I (He's forgotten about calling Susan)

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

Mmm.

It sags here.

I'll have to fix it.

(Chuckling) Bet you couldn't have done it. I did do it. That's why the springs sagged'. did those shelves I That's one thing we can say for Daddy. us something useful.

60

11:2

I

He taught

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

When he worked, he worked. He just didn't like working for anybody else but himself, that's all. I can't blame him too much. He used to say nobody makes any more. Everybody's making parts of things. I think mass production drove him into his depressions. He married the wrong woman. God, they were an ill-suited pair. coming from such a combination!

Imagine us

I've spent a lifetime brooding over it. could be very funny sometimes.

But she

I thought of something funny today when I started to dial a telephone number. I started laughing so hard I had to sit down. The way she was always telephoning her cousin Edna. Yes.'

But that one time she called...

One time? She was always calling her cousin Edna. Every time Dad took one of his mysterious trips, she'd call cousin Edna. Whenever she cooked anything, she'd call cousin Edna. When she had nothing to do she'd call Edna. I mean that time you and I were sitting in the kitchen. Where did he go all those times? I haven't a clue. He used to say it was business. He just ran away, to get away from us. From mother. From all of us. Either a trip or he'd get flu and get into bed for three weeks. He had every kind of flu the world has ever known. Whenever he got depressed he called it flu. Whenever he was out of work he got depressed. Do you remember you tried to explain capitalism to Mommy? 61

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

'Capitalism creates economic depressions.1 !

With Father it's always economic depressions. He hates work.1 But don't you remember the time I'm talking about? You were about fifteen or sixteen and you'd come home with a good report card for a change so she wanted to tell somebody. Daddy was either in bed with flu or on a trip and she dialed Edna's number and said 'Edna, are ye home? ' (Laughing) Yes. God, that was funny. till she'd finished talking to Edna.

SARAH That's right. ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

I waited

Do it, do it.

'Ma, what number do you dial when you dial Edna?' 'I dial Edna's number naturally, what number do ye think I dial?' 'If you dial Edna's number why do you say 'Edna, are you home?' Where else would she be?' 'She could be in her shop.' 'Is her home telephone connected to her shop telephone'? 'No.' 'Well, where in hell would Edna be when she answers her phone?' (Bursting into laughter) with laughter, remember? Bobby.'

And then she screamed 'That's very funny,

(Sarah hurries to the telephone and mimes as if she's dialing, keeping the telephone to her ear but keeping the line closed) (To phone) 'Edna, are ye home?...Well where else would you be, Edna, when you answer the phone there?' (Sarah bangs down the phone in imitation of her mother)

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'She's such a fool!

She didn't get it.'

(They are both convulsed, remembering) ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

God, she could be funny sometimes. I've got a pain in my side. We haven't laughed like this together since God knows when. Since the day Mother telephoned Edna. better telephone Sue.

I'd

Her prayers. Do you remember her prayers? (Imitating the Irish accent) 'Holy Mother of God! Is this the way to be our mother in Heaven? First the British and then the H-Bomb? And now you've got me husband on his back again! Do us a favour will ye? Leave us alone for a year. You got so much on your mind, what are ye botherin* with us for? You made a socialist out of my son and a failure outa me husband. Thanks for nothin1. Oh, I feel much better prayin'. It's good to pray, ye know that?1 (Chuckling) Then there was lightning and thunder, remember? And Uncle Ben almost died of fright. (Looking heavenwards) 'Hey! Can't ye take a joke?1

What's the matter?

ROBERT

She believed in Jesus and Holy Mary utterly and completely but I think she thought they were damned fools sometimes. (His eyes heavenwards, as he mimics) 'Is it a grudge ye have against this family? I missed church maybe seven times in me whole life. Once because I was having a baby, twice because I was sick and four times because! How long do ye hold a grudge?'

SARAH

Her best line was when Dad got hit by a truck and hurt his leg and one of the neighbours asked what was wrong with Dad.

ROBERT

TOGETHER

'My husband is sufferin' from socialism of the leg. That's a disease that's always goinf to get better.,.' ...later!

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(They laugh)

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

And we believed then, didn't we, all we had to do was feed the people and therefd be no more problems. I've been quite well fed most of my adult life and it hasn't solved my problems. That's oversimplifying it. To those who are still hungry that's still the first problem. Once that's solved, we can get to all the other ones. But we were naive then. Everything seemed so simple. Remember the boy I brought home once and Mother was wearing Dad's trousers that had a big hole in them, and she was washing the kitchen floor. I told the boy she was the maid. She heard me and said, 'Look here, Miss, I'm quittin'I I haven't been paid in fifteen years!' (Laughs) She threw the pail of water on the floor and walked out I (He joins her laughter. laughter)

She speaks through her

That poor boy. When he found out she was my mother he never spoke to me again. ROBERT SARAH

God, she could be hilarious when she wasn't screaming or being hysterical. We certainly lived in extremes.

ROBERT

I haven't laughed like this for years. I've never told Susan about any of this. We've got to tell it to her together.

SARAH

Why don't you start working and not interrupt your work mood? Dinner will be ready in about half an hour.

ROBERT

I f d work better if I speak to her first. I'll call from the other room. We've got to tell her these stories about mother. (Robert exits. Sarah looks worried and returns to the kitchen. She then returns to the living room to stare at the telephone. She reaches slowly for the receiver and raises it to her ear) 64

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SARAH

(Into phone) Liar! You're a liar! She's lying! I never said anything like that...lying! Lying! Ohhh!... (Replaces receiver, frightened, waits. Robert enters, infuriated)

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

Well, hello Sarah Nut! She's lying! I seduced you when you were sixteen. Father raped you. We're all insane. We're sleeping together now! She's lying. The dirty bitch to tell you that. How can anyone be so cruel? To make up a terrible story like that! (Runs to her room for suitcase and her clothing which he throws into case)

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

You don't want me to devote a month to you, darling. You want me to devote my entire life to you, darling. You want me married to you, darling. You've had it, darling! You're going to the hospital! You want my lifel I'm not giving it to you! It's not true! Would I say anything as terrible as that to her? Would I? You seduced me and my father raped me? She has to be pretty sick to make up a story like that! She's a terrible person. She's trying to break up our friendship... When you told her you were going to take care of me for a month she got jealous and made up this terrible story. I gave you drugs and we were madly in love with one another! She told you that? to you?

She said that terrible thing

Oh, stop it, you sick fucking maniac! I never told her anything like that! She's lying! How could I tell her anything like that?

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ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

That's what I'd like to know! If that's your fantasy, seduced by brother and raped by father, it's your fantasy...I'm sorry I got angry. Whew! It was a bit of a shock. She believed you. Believed that's why I came to London. Christ.' She made it up. People can be so cruel. People are so envious when they see others happy. She made it up. Don't you see that? Yeah.

Okay.

I made dinner...what mother used to make...pot roast. You used to love it. Fine...I'm not hungry...I'll have some though... (He lights a cigarette)

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

You stopped smoking. I started again.

Now.

It's not good for you. I'm aware of that. It causes cancer. I know.

Leave it alone, will you?

(He takes a deep drag) SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

I'm not a maniac. No.

I'm a maniac.

It's the outside world that keeps interfering. We were so happy. I was cured, wasn't I? The cure's over? I don't think so. I was very good today. I dusted. I knitted. I prepared dinner. Oh, shit. I burned it. (She runs off. the cigarette.

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He takes a deep breath and crushes

She returns) I burned it. ROBERT

SARAH

I can't do anything right, I guess.

It doesn't matter. time to time.

Everybody burns a dinner from

But I burn dinners most of the time.1 (Tries to laugh, but is crying inside) I'm always fucking things up in one way or another.

ROBERT

Let's not go there. It's just a lousy dinner. I'll take you out to dinner.

SARAH

It will be difficult to be friendly with Susan as she hates me so much.

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

She doesn't hate you. And she won't be with us this evening. I so wanted to cook a nice dinner for you. Some other time. I always spill tea. Here we go. And drop things on my clothes. And burn dinners. Or I smoke in bed and drop the cigarette and the blanket goes up in flames. When did that happen? Before I went to hospital this last time. must like to burn things.

I

I'm sorry I blew my top. Forgive me. (Sarah has gone to a chair and is sitting looking out at the river)

SARAH

I feel that death is preferable to life. I don't enjoy life. I cover up. I'd like to be with my daughter. But how can I make plans? I never know when I let go. When I said that Susan was

67

a terrible person who hated me it isn't true. She's a nice person. I wish I could go to a new kind of place. Workshop Universities where we could get the training and live there when we needed to. I'd like to take care of disturbed children. (She approaches one of the vases containing the flowers) I have good relationships with flowers. They don't need much attention. But they always die. Things that don't need too much attention are either dead or don't live very long. ROBERT

There must be some way I can help you. There must be some way - without us living together.

SARAH

To assuage your guilt, or because you love me? You didn't even notice them.

ROBERT SARAH

I did. They're lovely.

Thank you.

They're not happy. (She touches them as if to soothe them) It's not a happy house.

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

There's madness here.

I'm no longer sure who and what is mad. If you speak to flowers you're mad. Don't be confused. It's me who's mad. Not you. There is madness and madness. Those who want to dominate and destroy everyone should be locked up. The rest of us are the rest of us, some madder, some less. And some have to be put away. Some have no one to take care of them, so they have to be sent to places made for that purpose. Yes. (She goes to her painting, oblivious of him now, and starts to paint. He watches her, sick for her, and leaves the room. He returns. She looks at him) 68

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SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

I have been hostile to Susan.

I admit it.

Are you hungry? No. I don't feel like going out. I f d rather stay in. You go out if you want to. I want to go to sleep now. Is it all right? If you're sleepy. I'm very tired.

Tell Susan I'm sorry.

(She starts to move across the room and stops. She touches his head) Do you mind if I touch your head? ROBERT SARAH

No. Mother touched you quite a bit, didn't she? (He waits) Didn't she?

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT

No more than any mother touches and caresses her son. More. Much more. one of his trips.

Particularly when Dad was on Can't you face that?

She liked to hug me, yes. She flirted with you all the time. Yes, I suppose so.

It was harmless.

Was it? What harm did it do? Well? If you're trying to say something, say it, damn it.' Did you ever want to have sex with mother? Oh come on. 69

You've been reading too many text

booksÎ We all know the myth of every son wanting his mother. SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

You. And Mrs Annie Waller. She dug you. You dug her. He made us feel sex was dirty. He made us feel quilty about every nice sexy feeling we had...So you felt guilty about your feelings about her...and then you transferred those feelings to me...that felt safer...You thought. And then that petrified you. When you get well, become a psychiatrist. do good at it. How can we help each other?

You'd

Shall we make love?

Do you really want that? Yes. Let's try it.

Come...

(She caresses his face, moves her body seductively before him) Let 1 s just love one another. It won't hurt anybody. ROBERT

Please...go away

I feel sick.

(He is nauseated. She is concerned and watches him, looking completely rational now) You should examine that fantasy you have - of wanting to sleep with me. SARAH

Don't tell me about your problems. I'll work out mine. You work out yours. You've got the problems, not me. (She starts to undress, slowly) I can prove to you that it's not my problem. I'll undress until I'm completely nude...which proves I don't have the problem. I want to be naked before you...and I want you inside me, loving me, being with me, becoming me, and me coming with you...I'm tired of waiting for you...and I want you now and if you faced the truth you'd know you have always wanted me...that every other woman 70

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is a substitute for me, as every other man has been a substitute for you...I love you, as no other woman can love you...Let1s love each other purely and truly. ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

Put your clothes on...or get out of here... You can't make it. you?

You'll never make it, will

If that's making it, no. (Dresses) I don't like you in the room when I'm working. Get out. (Robert leaves. She paints. Robert enters)

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

I'm going down for some milk. back...

I'll be right

Have to keep running, eh? We need some milk. Go down once and buy bread. Come back. Go down again and buy milk. Come back. Go down and buy eggs. Come back. Good exercise. Or phone. Everybody. Keep phoning. Suddenly get nervous and phone everybody. Yes! That's why I keep running out of the house. In the mood for some truth? (She removes the wig and waits) Would you please tell me the truth about something? (He waits) Did you ever want to make love to me, ever?

ROBERT SARAH

I suppose I did. When?

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Yes.

ROBERT

In our teens. from my mind.

I thought of it, and pushed it

SARAH

Is it possible your wanting me made me want you?

ROBERT

It is possible, I suppose. But I didn't think I showed it. I was ashamed of it. I hid it.

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

You didn't hide it!

I knew it!

And that's why you wanted to make love to me? I'm not sure of that. No. I'm not sure of that. I loved you all my life. I grew up loving you and when I was sixteen I wanted to go to bed with you...and nobody else. And every other man was you from then on. I thought of it. Maybe every brother and sister has that fantasy. It's one thing to have the fantasy...another to do it. We're telling each other the truth now, right? We're trying to. And since your teens, didn't you ever want me? (There is a long pause)

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

Yes...I suppose I did...But I never did anything about it...I hid it. I kept it from you! Never! I knew! I know every time you want me! And you want me nowl (Shouting) No!

I don't!

You do and you're afraid. It isn't true! Then why are you shouting? else.

Tell me something

(She waits) Would you have been happy had I become successful?

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ROBERT SARAH

What's that supposed to mean? Didn't it always give you a secret pleasure that you were the one who was well and successful and I was the one who was sick and a failure - that it was me, not you? By having a mentally ill sister you could tell yourself you were mentally well.

ROBERT

Yes.

SARAH

Yes?

ROBERT

Yes.

SARAH

And haven't you often put me down, even when I was well? In a crowd, at a party, when you thought I was getting too much attention, that I was being very witty - and taking the limelight away from you?

ROBERT

Yes.

SARAH

Yes?

ROBERT

Yes.

SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

No. You're agreeing with me just to humour me. It isn't true what I'm saying. It is true. And whenever I was well - and it looked as if I'd paint well and make a successful career, you always, somehow, someway, said something which destroyed me? Yes. I wasn't always aware I was doing it. I see it now. Yes. It's true. It's not true. People tried to destroy you too, but you fought back. You had more courage than I did. That's what it amounts to. You never tried to destroy me that way! Because I didn't feel I could. I probably would have.

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If I felt I could

ROBERT SARAH

No.

You've been happy I've done well.

It isn't true. I've been happy for you, but eaten with envy - and hating you. My God! (She cries) Forgive me.

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

For what? For everything. Forgive me. (Weeping) Forgiven, darling. Forgiven!

Forgiven.

Forgiven.

(She can't stop crying. He starts to cry and runs out. She sits down, holding her stomach in pain) Forgiven.

Forgiven.

Forgiven.

(She stops crying. She seems very lucid now. She dries her eyes) Oh God, if this is your idea of a joke, call it off. (She looks into the mirror) Sarah, the Nut. must know.

What's it all about?

(Robert returns with the milk, come to some decision) ROBERT

Somebody

He seems to have

I've come to a decision. I didn't give you the month. I'm not rid of my guilt. I've got to get rid of my guilt.' I can't live with it any longer. I've got to make up somehow for what I did to you...telling you that lie that I was taking you to a party and giving you those goddamned knockout drops and putting you to sleep. That was the worst thing I could have done to you. It would have been better if the police had forced you against your will. You'd at least have known what was going on, instead of being drugged and 74

11:2

waking up in that strange horrible place next morning...All the way in the taxi you kep asking me where was the party. You were so sleepy from those knockout pills, but you kept waking up and telling me how good it was to be with me, you felt so safe...It was raining hard to make the scene perfect, I held you in my arms, singing you lullabies...God. And we finally got to the side door of the hospital and you looked out and said, f What a funny place to have a party.' They were expecting us. I'd phoned earlier. The big wooden door opened. A dim light bulb. A doctor and a nurse in white there and you turned, innocent, sleepy and puzzled...'Whatfs going on?1 you asked, smiling, wondering if it was a masquerade party and I hadnft told you. I don't remember if I said anything. I think I said something like, 'You'll be all right here,' or 'I couldn't help it, Sarah.' You stared at me, beginning to realize the horror you still couldn't believe...They closed the door and I heard you screaming...Screaming...1 left for England a few weeks after that. I never trusted myself after that...with anybody. I think I was all right up to then. I mean I liked myself up to then, liking who I was and what I was becoming. I felt closer to you than anyone else. We were such good friends, such good loving friends. SARAH ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT

More.

Face it.'

Finally face it.'

Yes, all right! Yes. I was in love with you. Yes. And it terrified me. I felt...dirty. You felt all women were dirty. Women.

Mother.

Sister.

Yes. And you stopped yourself from loving me. Yes. Yes. It's true. reason I felt guilty.

And there was another

(She waits) I thought you became sick because of the way I felt about you. 75

SARAH

ROBERT

So now it1s all out. it.

I hope you feel better for

No. I see now that there is only one way to stop feeling guilty, to make up for what I did to you. That's the decision I came to...I must give myself completely. It isn't a matter of thirty days or one day. I must give myself to you totally and do now what I was incapable of ever doing before. We must sleep together. That is the only way I can get rid of my guilt. We must make love...Now. It's the only way we can both be cured. (She moves toward her suitcase and starts putting her clothes in) What are you doing?

SARAH

ROBERT

SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT

If you're sane I want to be with the nuts, going to a hospital.

I'm

What's got into you? I've finally admitted everything...seen everything, just as you've been saying. Make love to me so you can get rid of your guilt? Make love to me so you can prove what a man you are.' You don't want to make love...You don't even want to fuck! You want to fuck me up! It is not because I'm your sister that you couldn't love me. Agnes was your wife. Were you any different with her? And the twenty to thirty girl friends you've had in between. Didn't you always run the minute they needed you, the minute you started to feel something. You can't love anybody. Not just me. You make all the familiar sounds of being human but you're afraid to feel anything. That's your terror, and it makes you the cruellest man I know. That's not true. Then you haven't understood a word I'd said. Your image of yourself is that of a good, kind, but weak person who really tries. I do try.

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SARAH

ROBERT SARAH ROBERT SARAH

ROBERT SARAH

You don1t. You want to. But you don't. You say you feel. You say you love. But you don?t. You're like all the rest out there...Words. No feelings! If you faced that there might be some hope for you. I will be going into a hospital and you will return to work and your crap. Will anything have changed for you? I don't know.

I hope so.

What? I'll at least think of what you said. Hurray! The so-called sane have begun to listen to the so-called insane. There's hope for the world. I'll help take you to the hospital. No. I will have to learn to do things on my own ...even going to a nut house. Goodbye... (She leaves. He sits there...stunned, thinking...)

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