Murphy’s Law and Other Reasons Why Things Go Wrong 0843104287, 9780843104288

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and other reasons why things go fiuoiivi!

Arthur Bloch

MurphY^

Law and other reasons

whY

things go fiuoiiu!

Arthur Bloch

PRICE /STERN/SLOAN Publishers, Inc., Los Angeles

FIRST PRINTING — OCTOBER 1977 SECOND PRINTING — NOVEMBER 1977 THIRD PRINTING — MARCH 1978 FOURTH PRINTING — APRIL 1978 FIFTH PRINTING — AUGUST 1978

SIXTH PRINTING

— NOVEMBER

1978

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND PERMISSIONS Grateful acknowledgement

made

is

to the following for permission

to reprint their material:

Laws of Computer Programming:

"Datamation,"

1968, Technical

Publishing Co., Greenwich, Connecticut.

Sparks's

Ten Rules

for the Project Manager;

Laws of

Procrastination;

Law; Maier's Law; Edington's Theory; Parkinson's Law for Medical Research; Peter's Hidden Postulate according to Godin; Godin's Law; Freeman's Rule; Old and Kahn's Law; First Law of Socio-Genetics; Hersh's Law: "Journal of Irreproducible

Gordon's

First

Results,"

Box 234, Chicago

Heights, Illinois.

Parkinson's First, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth Laws; Parkinson's

Law

of Delay; Parkinson's Axioms:

C.

Northcote Parkinson's

Law and the Profits, The Law of Delay and In-Laws and Outlaws, Houghton Mifflin

Parkinson's Law, Mrs. Parkinson's Law, The

Company, Boston, Massachusetts. The Peter

Principle and

its

Corollaries; Peter's Inversion; Peter's Placebo;

Peter's Prognosis; Peter's

Law

of Evolution*; Peter's Observation*;

Law

of Substitution*; Peter's Rule for Creative Incompetence*; Peter's Theorem*: Dr. Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Peter's

Hull's

The Peter

Principle,

Wm. Morrow

and Co.,

New

York,

1969.

(*so

Very

named by

thanks also and support.

special

assistance

the editors)

Conrad Schneiker

to

for

his

invaluable

ILLUSTRATED BY ELEANORE FAHEY

Copyright c

1

977 by Arthur Bloch

Published by Price/Stern/Sloan Publishers, Inc. 410 North La Cienega Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90048 Printed in the United States of America. All rights reserved. Library of Congress Catalog Card No.:

ISBN: 0-8431-0428-7

77-8848

CONTENTS Preface

.

Introduction

4 6

Murphology Applied Murphology

22

Designsmanship

32

Machinesmanship Researchmanship

40 46

Hierarchiology

52

Committology Accountsmanship

62

10

Expertsmanship

68 74

Humanship

82

Metalaws

87

Cole's

Law

88

PREFACE Murphy's Law. U.S. Informal. The principle that whatever can possibly go wrong will. [Origin Unknown]. — Funk and Wagnalls, Standard College Dictionary, New York, Funk and Wagnalls.

Who

was Murphy? What curious conspiracy of circumstances inspired him to formulate his now-famous precept? Why didn't he pick up his laundry? These are just a few of the many questions that I had no intention of answering in this

book. Our finest scholars, experts

in the fields

of

lin-

and folk history, have tried and failed to determine the origin of Murphy's Law. Who was I to argue with such a

guistics

record?

was to go to print without resolving these burning questions, I was most surprised to receive the following letter from a certain Mr. George Nichols of Southern CalResigned

as

I

ifornia:

Dear A rthur Block: Understand you are going to publish a book, Murphy's Law — And Other Reasons Why Things Go Wrong. Are

you

interested in including the true story

of the naming

of Murphy's Law? And, when I responded in the affirmative: The event occurred in 1949 at Edwards Air Force Base, Muroc, California, during Air Force Project MX98L This was Col. J. P. Stapp's experimental crash research testing on the track at North Base. The work was being accomplished by Northrop Aircraft, under contract from the

Aero Medical Lab

project manager.

at Wright Field. I

was Northrop's

The Law's namesake was Capt. Ed Murphy, a development engineer from Wright Field Aircraft Lab. Frustration with a strap transducer which was malfunctioning due to an error in wiring the strain gage bridges caused him to remark — ''If there is any way to do it wrong, he wiir* — referring to the technician who had wired the bridges at the Lab. I assigned Murphy's Law to the statement and the associated variations.

A

couple of weeks after the ''naming' Col Stapp indicated, at a press conference, that our fine safety

.

.

.

record during several years of simulated crash force testing was the result of a firm belief in Murphy's Law, and our consistent effort to deny the inevitable. The

widespread reference to the Law in manufacturers' ads within only a few months was fantastic — and Murphy's

Law was

off and running wild. Sincerely,

George

E.

Reliability

Nichols

&

Quality Assurance Mgr.

Viking Project Jet Propulsion

Lab

— NASA

Thus, thanks to Mr. Nichols's kindly missive, the plot thins; for here we have the answers to the aforementioned burning questions

in

more

detail

than

necessary. There only remains to didn't pick

up

we would have thought find out why Ed Murphy

his laundry.

Arthur Bloch Berkeley, September, 1977

INTRODUCTION

^

i§

Have you ever received a phone call the minute you sat down on the toilet? Has the bus you wanted ever appeared the instant you Ht up a cigarette? Has it ever started raining on the day you washed your car, or stopped raining just after you bought an umbrella? Perhaps you reaUzed at the time that something was afoot, that some universal principle was just out of your grasp, itching to be called by name. Or perhaps, having heard of Murphy's Law, the Peter Principle or the Law of Selective Gravity, you have wanted to invoke one of these, only to find that you have forgotten

its

Here, then,

exact wording. is

the

first

compilation in book form

of the wit and wisdom of our most delightfully demented technologists, bureaucrats, humanists,

and

anti-social

observers, prepared and presented

with the purpose of providing us

Karmic

Relief.

definitive as

The

possible.

disciplinary tenets,

listing

has

all

with a

been

little

made

as

In researching these inter-

we found numerous redundan-

(which verify the validity of the observations), frequent conflicting claims to authorship, and cies

scores of

anonymous donations. We

are forced to

acknowledge the contribution of the inimitable Zymurgy, who said, ''Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can/' By applying this Murphic morsel to the present volume, we come to realize that this project, once undertaken, must surely grow in size and scope as further principles, new and old, are revealed by our beacon of truth. Throughout history pundits and poseurs have regaled us with the laws of the universe, the subtle

yet immutable substructure which

is

the basis of

cosmic order. From people of religion we have received the Moral Laws; from mystics, the Laws of

Karma; from rationalists, the Laws of Logical Form; and from artists, the Laws of Aesthetics. Now it is the technologists' turn to bend our collective ear.

The

official party line of

technology, of science

you doubt this, witness the laws of thermodynamics as they are restated in Ginsberg's Theorem. The universe is simmering down, like a giant stew left to cook for four billion years. itself, is

despair. If

Sooner or later we won't be able to tell the carrots from the onions. ''But what of the short run, the proverbial closed system?" you may well ask, as you sit gazing out of your penthouse window, sipping your vodka martini and watching the hustling throngs of God's 8

little

creatures

going about their business. Alas,

we've only to look at this business, as exemplified in the good bureaucracy, through the eyes of Peter, Parkinson, et al. We will reahze that it is only a matter of time before the microcosmic specks call

we

big business and government, like their uni-

versal counterpart, lose their ability to succeed in

spite of themselves.

wrong

So said Father Brown, G. K. Chesterton's famous clerical sleuth. And indeed we are. A few loose ''We are on the

side of the tapestry."

ends, an occasional thread, are

all

we

ever see of

the great celestial masterwork of the most expen-

weaver of them all. A small number of courageous individuals have dared to explore the far side of the tapestry, have braved the wrath of

sive carpet

the Keeper of the is

Rug

in their search for truth. It

to these individuals that this

volume

is

dedicated.

MURPHOLOGY

10

MURPHY'S LAW: If

anything can go wrong,

it will.

Corollaries: 1.

Nothing

2.

Everything takes longer than you think.

3. If

there

is

is

as easy as

it

looks.

a possibility of several things going

wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will

4. If

promptly develop. 5.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from

bad to worse. out to do something, something else must be done first.

6.

Whenever you

7.

Every solution breeds new problems.

set

impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

8. It is

9.

10.

Nature always-sides with the hidden flaw.

Mother nature

is

a bitch. 11

THE MURPHY PHILOSOPHY: Smile

.

.

.

tomorrow

will

be worse.

MURPHY'S CONSTANT: Matter to

will

be damaged

in direct

proportion

value.

its

QUANTIZATION REVISION OF MURPHY'S LAW: Everything goes wrong

HILL'S

all

at once.

COMMENTARIES ON MURPHY'S LAW:

1. If

we

take 2. If

lose

all

much by

having things go wrong,

possible care.

we have nothing

to lose

by change,

relax. 3. If

we have

everything to gain by change,

relax. 4. If

it

doesn't matter,

it

does not matter.

O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW: Murphy was an optimist.

ZYMURGY'S SEVENTH EXCEPTION TO MURPHY'S LAW: When

it

rains, it pours.

BOEING'S POSTULATE: If

you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get

over

it.

12

WHITE'S STATEMENT: Don't lose heart

.

.

.

Owen's Commentary on White's Statement: they might want to cut it out .

.

.

.

Byrd's Addition to Owen's

.

.

Commentary on

White's Statement: .

.

ILES'S

.

and they want to avoid a lengthy

search,

LAW:

There

is

always an easier way to do

it.

Corollaries: 1.

When

looking direcdy at the easier way, especially for long periods, you will not see

2.

it.

Neither will

lies.

CHISHOLM'S SECOND LAW: When things are going well, something will go wrong. Corollaries: 1.

When they

2.

things just can't get any worse,

will.

Anytime things appear to be going you have overlooked something.

better,

CHISHOLM'S THIRD LAW: by the proposer, be judged otherwise by others.

Proposals, as understood will

13

Corollaries: 1. If

you explain

so clearly that

misunderstand, somebody

nobody can

will.

you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it.

2. If

3.

Procedures devised to implement the

purpose won't quite work.

SCOTT'S FIRST LAW:

No

matter what goes wrong,

look

it

will

probably

right.

SCOTT'S SECOND LAW: When an error has been detected and corrected,

it

will

be found to have been

correct in the first place. 14

Corollary:

After the correction has been found in error,

be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.

it

will

FINAGLE'S FIRST LAW: an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If

FINAGLE'S SECOND LAW:

No

matter what the anticipated

will it,

always be someone eager to

(b) fake

own

it,

or (c) believe

it

result, there (a) misinterpret

happened to

his

pet theory.

FINAGLE'S THIRD LAW: In any collection of data, the figure

obviously correct, beyond is

all

most

need of checking,

the mistake.

Corollaries: 1.

2.

No one whom you ask for help will see it. Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see

it

immediately.

FINAGLE'S FOURTH LAW: Once

a job

improve

it

is

fouled up, anything done to

only makes 15

it

worse.

FINAGLE'S RULES: 1. To study a subject

best,

thoroughly before you 2.

Always keep

understand

it

start.

a record of data

—

it

indicates

you've been working. 3.

Always draw your

curves, then plot

your

reading. 4. In case

of doubt,

make

it

sound convincing.

5.

Experiments should be reproducible they should all fail in the same way.

6.

Do

not believe in miracles

—

rely

—

on them.

WINGO'S AXIOM: All Finagle

Laws may be bypassed by

learning

the simple art of doing without thinking.

GUMPERSON'S LAW: The probability of anything happening inverse ratio to

its

is

in

desirability.

ISSAWrS LAWS OF PROGRESS: The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse. The Path of

A

Progress:

shortcut

two

is

the longest distance between

points.

16

The

Dialectics of Progress:

Direct action produces direct reaction.

The Pace of Progress: Society

is

hard,

will kick

it

a mule, not a car ... If pressed too

and throw off

SODD'S FIRST LAW: When a person attempts

its rider.

a task, he or she will

be thwarted in that task by the unconscious

some other presence (animate or inanimate). Nevertheless, some tasks are

intervention of

completed, since the intervening presence itself

attempting a task and

is,

is

of course,

subject to interference.

SODD'S SECOND LAW: Sooner or

later,

circumstances

is

the worst possible set of

bound

to occur.

Corollary:

Any

system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of circumstances.

SIMON'S LAW: Everything put together or later.

17

falls

apart sooner

RUDIN'S LAW: In crises that force people to choose alternative courses of action,

among

most people

will

choose the worst one possible.

GINSBERG'S THEOREM: 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game.

FREEMAN'S COMMENTARY ON GINSBERG'S THEOREM: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem.

To 1.

wdt:

Capitalism

is

based on the assumption that

you can win. 2.

based on the assumption that you can break even.

3.

Mysticism

Socialism

is

is

based on the assumption that

you can quit the game.

EHRMAN'S COMMENTARY: 1.

Things will get worse before they get better.

2.

Who

said things

would get better?

18

EVERIXrS SECOND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS Confusion if

always increasing in society. Only someone or something works extremely hard is

can this confusion be reduced to order

in a

limited region. Nevertheless, this effort will still

result in an increase in the total confusion

of society at large.

MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS Things get worse under pressure. 19

COMMONER'S SECOND LAW OF ECOLOGY: Nothing ever goes away.

PUDDER'S LAW: Anything that begins

well,

ends badly.

Anything that begins badly, ends worse.

STOCKMAYER'S THEOREM: If

it

If it

looks easy,

it's

looks tough,

tough.

it's

damn

well impossible.

HOWE'S LAW: Everyone has a scheme that

will

not work.

WYNNE'S LAW: Negative slack tends to increase.

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEMS DYNAMICS: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. 20

STURGEON'S LAW: 90% of everything

crud.

is

THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW: As soon

as

you mention something

...

if it's

good,

...

if it's

bad,

it

it

.

.

.

goes away.

happens.

NON-RECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS: Negative expectations yield negative

results.

Positive expectations yield negative results.

21

APPLIED

MURPHOLOGY

22

BOOKER'S LAW: An ounce of application

is

worth a ton of

abstraction.

KLIPSTEIN'SLAWS: Applied to General Engineering: 1.

A patent application

will

be preceded by

one week by a similar application made by an independent worker. 2.

Firmness of delivery dates

is

inversely

proportional to the tightness of the schedule. 3.

Dimensions

will

always be expressed

least usable term. Velocity, for

be expressed 4.

Any

in the

example, will

in furlongs per fortnight.

wire cut to length will be too short.

Applied to Prototyping and Production: 1.

Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally

toward

maximum

difficulty to assemble.

2. If a project requires 'n'

will

be *n-r units

components, there

in stock.

23

4.

A A

fail-safe circuit will

5.

A

transistor protected

3.

6.

motor

will rotate in the

wrong

direction.

destroy others.

by

a fast-acting

fuse will protect the fuse

by blowing

A

till

not appear

failure will

first.

a unit has

passed final inspection. 7.

A purchased meet

its

component or instrument

will

specs long enough, and only

long enough, to pass incoming inspection. 8.

After the

last

of 16 mounting screws has

been removed from an access cover,

24

it

be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.

will

9.

After an access cover has been secured by

16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted. 10. After an instrument has been assembled,

extra components will be found on the bench.

THE RECOMMENDED PRACTICES COMMITTEE OF THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF PHILOSOPHICAL ENGINEERS' UNIVERSAL LAWS FOR NAIVE ENGINEERS: 1.

In any calculation, any error which can

creep in will do so. 2.

Any

3.

In any formula, constants (especially those

any calculation the direction of most harm. error in

will

be

in

obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables. 4.

The

best approximation of service

conditions in the laboratory will not begin to

meet those conditions encountered

actual service.

25

in

5.

dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest chance of

The most

vital

being omitted. 6. If

only one bid can be secured on any

project, the price will be unreasonable. 7. If a test installation all

functions perfecdy,

subsequent production units

will

malfunction. 8. All delivery

9.

promises must be multiplied

by a factor of

2.0.

Major changes

in

construction will always

be requested after fabrication

is

nearly

completed. 10. Parts that positively in

improper order

cannot be assembled

will be.

11. Interchangeable parts won't.

12. Manufacturer's specifications of

performance

should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5. 13. Salespeople's claims for

performance should

be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.

and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.

14. Installation

15.

Any will

device requiring service or adjustment

be least accessible.

26

on specifications

16. Service Conditions as given will

17. If

a

be exceeded.

more than one person miscalculation, no one

is

responsible for

will

be at

fault.

which test in an identical not behave in an identical

18. Identical units

fashion will

fashion in the field. 19.

If,

in engineering practice, a safety factor

through service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will is

set

promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.

20. Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided

by payment of the

invoice.

ATWOOD'S FOURTEENTH COROLLARY: No books

by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep. are lost

JOHNSON'S THIRD LAW: If

you miss one

issue of

any magazine,

it

will

be the issue which contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read. Corollary: All of

your friends either missed

threw

it

out.

27

it,

lost

it

or

HARPER'S MAGAZINE'S LAW: You never find an article until you

replace

it.

RICHARD'S COMPLEMENTARY RULES OF OWNERSHIP: 1. If

you keep anything long enough you can

throw 2. If it

it

away.

you throw anything away, you will need as soon as it is no longer accessible.

GLATUM'S LAW OF MATERIALISTIC ACQUISITIVENESS: The perceived usefulness of an inversely proportional to

once bought and paid

its

article

is

actual usefulness

for.

LEWIS'S LAW:

No

matter

how

long or

how

an item, after you've bought sale

hard you shop for it it

will

be on

somewhere cheaper.

PERLSWEIG'S LAW: People who can least afford People who can most affort build up equity.

28

to pay rent, pay rent. to

pay

rent,

LAWS OF GARDENING: 1.

Other people's tools work only

in

other

people's gardens. 2.

Fancy gizmos don't work.

3. If

4.

nobody

You

uses

get the

it,

there's a reason.

most of what you need the

least.

McCLAUGHRY'S LAW OF ZONING: Where zoning

is

not needed,

it

will

work

perfectly.

Where

it is

desperately needed,

it

always

breaks down.

THE AIRPLANE LAW: When

you

on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

FIRST

the plane

are

LAW OF BICYCLING:

No

matter which way you

ride, it's uphill

and against the wind.

FIRST

LAW OF BRIDGE:

It's

always the partner's

fault.

RULE OF FELINE FRUSTRATION: When your

your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom. cat has fallen asleep on

29

o

O

o O KITMAN'S LAW: Pure drivel tends to drive off the

TV

screen

ordinary drivel.

JOHNSON AND LAIRD'S LAW: Toothache tends to

start

30

on Saturday

night.

ETORRE'S OBSERVATION: The other

line

moves

faster.

BOOB'S LAW:

You always

find something the last place

you look.

31

DESIGNSMANSHIP

32

OSBORN'S LAW: Variables won't; constants aren't.

KLIPSTEIN'S

LAW OF

SPECIFICATION:

In specifications, Murphy's

FIRST

Law

supersedes Ohm's.

LAW OF REVISION:

Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after — and only after

—

called the

*'Now they

the plans are complete. (Often tell

us!" Law.)

Corollary: In simple cases, presenting one obvious right

way

wrong way, it is choose the wrong way, so

versus one obvious

often wiser to

as

to expedite subsequent revision.

SECOND LAW OF REVISION: The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further

its

and the more plans

influence will extend

will

have to be redrawn.

THIRD LAW OF REVISION: If,

when completion of a 33

design

is

imminent,

dimensions are finally supplied as they actually are — instead of as they were meant field

to be

—

it is

always simpler to start

over.

all

Corollary: It is

usually impractical to worry beforehand

about interferences

someone

will

—

if

make one

LAW OF THE LOST

you have none, for you.

INCH:

In designing any type of construction,

no

dimension can be totalled correcdy after 4:40 p.m. on Friday. overall

Corollaries: 1.

Under the same conditions,

if

any minor

dimensions are given to sixteenths of an inch, they cannot be totalled at all. 2.

The

become self9:01 a.m. on Monday.

correct total will

evident at

LAWS OF APPLIED CONFUSION: 1.

The one piece ship

is

that the plant forgot to

the one that supports

75%

of the

balance of the shipment. Corollary:

Not only did the plant

50% 2.

forget to ship

of the time they haven't even

Truck

deliveries that

34

it;

made

it.

normally take one day

will take five

when you

are waiting for the

truck. 3.

After adding two weeks to the schedule for

unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.

any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked and expect

4. In

the plant to cross

you up.

Corollaries: 1.

any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have that mark on In

it

not be discovered until you try to put where the mark says it's supposed to go.

2. It will it

3.

Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error. The insjpection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there.

35

WYSZKOWSKI'S THEOREM: Regardless of the units used by either the supplier or the customer, the manufacturer shall use his

own

arbitrary units convertible

to those of either the supplier or the customer

only by means of weird and unnatural conversion factors.

THE SNAFU EQUATIONS: 1.

2.

Given any problem containing 'n' equations, there will always be 'n+l' unknowns.

An will

3.

object or bit of information

be the

most needed

least available.

Once you have exhausted

all

possibilities

and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 4.

Badness comes

in waves.

SKINNER'S CONSTANT

(FLANNAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR): That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.

MIKSCH'S LAW: If a string has

one end, then 36

it

has another end.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING: 1.

2.

Any Any

3. If

when running, program costs more and

given program,

is

given

takes longer.

a program

is

program is documented.

4. If a

5.

Any

useless,

have to be changed.

will

it

will

have to be

The value of a program its

is

proportional to the

output.

Program complexity grows capability of the

maintain

fill all

memory.

weight of 7.

it

given program will expand to

available 6.

useful,

obsolete.

until

it

exceeds the

programmer who must

it.

TROUTMAN'S PROGRAMMING POSTULATES: 1. If

a test installation functions perfectly,

subsequent systems 2.

Not

until a

will malfunction.

program has been

for at least six

all

months

in

will the

production

most harmful

error be discovered. 3.

Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.

4. Interchangeable tapes won't. 5. If all

the input editor has been designed to reject

bad input, an ingenious

37

idiot will discover

a

method 6.

to get bad data past

Profanity

is

it.

the one language

programmers know

all

best.

GILES LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY: 1.

2.

Computers are unreliable, but humans even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human

are

reliability is unreliable. 3.

Undetectable errors are infinite

in variety,

in contrast to detectable errors,

which by

definition are limited. 4.

Investment it

in reliability will increase until

exceeds the probable cost of errors, or

until

someone

insists

on getting some useful

work done.

BROOK'S LAW: Adding manpower makes it later.

to a late software project

LAWS OF COMPUTERDOM ACCORDING TO GOLUB: 1.

Fuzzy project objectives

are used to avoid

the embarrassment of estimating the

corresponding costs. 2.

A carelessly planned

project takes three

38

times longer to complete than expected a carefully planned project takes only twice as long. 3.

The

effort required to correct course

increases geometrically with time. 4. Project

because

teams detest weekly progress reporting it

so vividly manifests their lack

of progress.

LUBARSKY'S LAW OF CYBERNETIC

ENTOMOLOGY: There's always one

more bug.

SHAW'S PRINCIPLE: Build a system that even a fool can use, and

only a fool will want to use

39

it.

MACHINESMANSHIP

40

IBM POLLY ANNA PRINCIPLE: Machines should work; people should think.

LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE: You cannot which

successfully determine beforehand

side of the bread to butter.

LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY: An

object will

so as to do the

fall

most damage

Jenning's Corollary:

The chance of the bread buttered side

down

is

falling

with the

directly proportional to

the cost of the carpet. Klipstein's Corollary:

The most

delicate

component

will

be the one

to drop.

SPRINKLE'S LAW: Things always

fall

at right angles.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any

tool,

when dropped,

will roll into the

least accessible corner of the

41

workshop.

Corollary:

On

the

way

will first

any dropped tool your toes.

to the comer,

always strike

THE SPARE PARTS PRINCIPLE: The

accessibility, during recovery of small

parts

which

fall

from the work bench,

varies directly with the size of the part

—

and inversely with its importance to the completion of work underway.

PAUL'S LAW: You can't

fall

off the floor.

JOHNSON'S FIRST LAW: When any mechanical do so

at the

contrivance

fails, it will

most inconvenient possible time.

LAW OF ANNOYANCE: When working on

a project, if

you put away

a tool that you're certain you're finished

with,

you

will

need

it

instantly.

WATSON'S LAW: The

reliability

of machinery

proportional to the

is

inversely

number and

of any persons watching

42

it.

significance

WYSZKOWSKrS SECOND LAW: Anything can be made to work with

it

if

you

fiddle

long enough.

w^~^ SATTINGER'S LAW: It

works better

if

you plug

LOWERY'S LAW: If it jams — force

it.

it in.

If it breaks, it

replacing anyway.

43

needed

SCHMIDT'S LAW: If

you mess with

it'll

a thing long enough,

break.

FUDD'S FIRST LAW OF OPPOSITION: Push something hard enough and fall

it

will

over.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF FORCE: Don't force

it;

get a larger

hammer.

HORNER'S FIVE-THUMB POSTULATE: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined,

44

CAHN'S AXIOM: When all else

fails,

read the instructions.

THE PRINCIPLE CONCERNING MULTIFUNCTIONAL DEVICES: The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

COOPER'S LAW: All machines are amplifiers.

JENKINSON'S LAW: It

won't work.

45

RESEARCHMANSHIP

46

GORDON'S FIRST LAW: not worth doing at not worth doing well.

If a research project is all, it is

MURPHY'S LAW OF RESEARCH: Enough

research will tend to support your

theory.

MAIER'S LAW: If the facts

do not conform to the theory,

they must be disposed

of.

Corollaries: 1.

The

2.

The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain

bigger the theory, the better.

a correspondence with the theory.

WILLIAMS AND HOLLAND'S LAW: enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

If

47

:

EDINGTON'S THEORY: The number of

different hypotheses erected

to explain a given biological

phenomenon

is

inversely proportional to the available knowledge.

PEER'S LAW: The solution

to a

problem changes the nature

of the problem.

HARVARD LAW: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume,

humidity, and other variables, the organism will

do

as it

damn

well pleases.

FOURTH LAW OF REVISION After painstaking and careful analysis of a sample,

you

are always told that

it is

the

wrong sample and doesn't apply to the problem,

HERSH'S LAW: Biochemistry expands to fill the space and time available for its completion and publication.

RULE OF ACCURACY: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. 48

YOUNG'S LAW: All great discoveries are

made by

mistake.

Corollary:

The greater the funding, the longer make the mistalce.

49

it

takes to

HO ARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS: Inside every large

problem

is

a small

problem

struggling to get out.

LAW OF THE

FETT'S

LAB:

Never replicate a successful experiment.

WYSZOWSKI'S FIRST LAW: No experiment is reproducible. FUTILITY FACTOR:

No

experiment is ever a complete failure— it can always serve as a negative example.

MR. COOPER'S LAW: If

you do not understand

in a piece of technical writing,

piece will

make

word ignore it. The

a particular

perfect sense without

it.

PARKINSON'S LAW FOR MEDICAL RESEARCH: Successful research attracts the bigger grant

which makes further research impossible.

PARKINSON'S SIXTH LAW: The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

50

WHOLE PICTURE PRINCIPLE: Research scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endeavors that they cannot possibly see the whole picture of anything,

including their

own

research.

Corollary:

The Director of Research should know as possible

research he

as little

about the specific subject of is

administering.

BROOKE'S LAW: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

CAMPBELL'S LAW: Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.

MESKIMEN'S LAW: There's never time to do

always time to do

it

it right,

over.

51

but there's

HIERARCHIOLOGY

52

HELLER'S LAW: The

first

myth of management

is

that

it exists.

Johnson's Corollary:

Nobody

really

knows what

is

going on anywhere

within the organization.

THE PETER PRINCIPLE: employee tends to

In a hierarchy every

rise

to his level of incompetence. Corollaries: 1.

In time, every post tends to be occupied

by an employee who carry out 2.

its

is

incompetent to

duties.

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

PETER'S INVERSION: Internal consistency

is

than efficient service.

53

valued more highly

PETER'S HIDDEN POSTULATE ACCORDING

TOGODIN: Every employee begins at

his level

of competence,

PETER'S OBSERVATION: Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

PETER'S

LAW OF EVOLUTION:

Competence always contains the seed of incompetence.

PETER'S RULE

FOR CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE:

Create the impression that you have already

reached your level of incompetence.

PETER'S THEOREM: Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.

PETER'S LAW OF SUBSTITUTION: Look after the molehills and the mountains will

look after themselves.

PETER'S PROGNOSIS: Spend

sufficient time in confirming the

and the need

will disappear.

54

need

PETER'S PLACEBO:

An

ounce of image

is

worth a pound of

performance.

CODINGS LAW: Generalizedness of incompetence

is

directly

proportional to highestness in hierarchy.

55

FREEMAN'S RULE: Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized field.

VAIL'S AXIOM: In any

human

enterprise,

lowest hierarchal

work

seeks the

level.

IMHOFF'S LAW: The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank— the really big chunks always

rise to

the top.

PARKINSON'S THIRD LAW: Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.

PARKINSON'S FOURTH LAW: The number of people

in

any working group

tends to increase regardless of the

work

amount of

to be done.

PARKINSON'S FIFTH LAW: If there

is

a

way

decision, the

to delay an important

good bureaucracy, public or

private, will find

it.

56

PARKINSON'S AXIOMS: 1. An official wants to not

multiply subordinates,

rivals.

2. Officials

make work

for each other.

SOCIOLOGY'S IRON LAW OF OLIGARCHY: In every organized activity,

sphere, a small

number

oligarchical leaders

will

no matter the become the

and the others

will

follow.

OESER'S LAW: There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all

of his or her time serving on committees and

signing letters.

CORNUELLE'S LAW: Authority tends to assign jobs to those able to do them.

least

ZYMURGY'S LAW OF VOLUNTEER LABOR: People are always available for work

in the

past tense.

LAW OF COMMUNICATIONS: The

inevitable result of

57

improved and enlarged

communications between different a hierarchy

is

levels in

a vastly increased area of

misunderstanding.

DOW'S LAW: In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,

the greater the confusion.

BUNUEL'S LAW: harmful

Overdoing things

is

when

efficiency.

it

comes to

in all cases,

even

SPARK'S TEN RULES FOR THE PROJECT

MANAGER: tremendously important.

1.

Strive to look

2.

Attempt

3.

Speak with authority; however, only expound on the obvious and proven facts.

4.

Don't engage

to be seen with important people.

in

arguments, but

if

cornered,

ask an irrelevant question and lean back with

your opponent tries out what's going on — then quickly

a satisfied grin while

to figure

change the subject. 5.

Listen intently while others are arguing the

problem. Pounce on a

them with 6. If a

trite

statement and bury

it.

subordinate asks you a pertinent question. 58

look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him. 7.

Obtain a

brilliant assignment,

but keep out

of sight and out of the limelight. 8.

Walk this

at a fast pace

when out

of the office

—

keeps questions from subordinates and

superiors at a

minimum.

4^

J

9.

Always keep the office door closed. This puts visitors on the defensive and also makes it look as if you are always in an important conference. 59

10. Give

all

down

orders verbally. Never write anything

that might go into a *Tearl

Harbor

File."

TRUTHS OF MANAGEMENT: Think before you

1.

2. All

good management

one great

No

3.

act; it's is

not your money.

the expression of

idea.

executive devotes effort to proving himself

wrong. 4. If sophisticated calculations are

justify an action, don't

JAY'S FIRST

do

needed to

it.

LAW OF LEADERSHIP:

Changing things

is

central to leadership,

changing them before anyone else

is

and

creativeness.

WORKER'S DILEMMA: 1.

No

matter

how much you

do, you'll

never do enough. 2. W^hat

you don't do

always more important

is

than what you do do.

MATCH'S MAXIM:

A

fool in a high station

is

like a

man on

the top

of a high mountain; every^thing appears small to

him and he appears small to everybody.

IRON LAW OF DISTRIBUTION: Them that has, gets. 60

H. L.

MENCKEN'S LAW: Those who can — do. Those who cannot — teach.

Martin's Extension:

Those who cannot teach

—

administrate.

THE ARMY AXIOM: Any

order that can be misunderstood has been

misunderstood.

JONES'S LAW: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

FIRST

LAW OF SOCIOECONOMICS:

In a hierarchical system, the rate of pay for a

given task increases in inverse ratio to the

unpleasantness and difficulty of the task.

HARRIS'S LAMENT: All the

good ones

are taken.

PUTT'S LAW: Technology

is

dominated by two types of

people:

Those who understand what they do not manageThose who manage what they do not understand.

61

COMMITTOLOGY

62

OLD AND KAHN'S LAW: The

efficiency of a

committee meeting

inversely proportional to the

participants

is

number of

and the time spent on deliberations.

SHANAHAN'S LAW: The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.

LAW OF TRIVIALITY The time spent on any item of

the agenda will

be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

FIRST

LAW OF COMMITTO-DYNAMICS:

Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.

SECOND LAW OF COMMITTO-DYNAMICS: The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so.

HENDRICKSON'S LAW: If a

problem causes many meetings, the

meetings eventually become more important

than the problem.

63

LORD FALKLAND'S RULE: When is

not necessary to make a decision, necessary not to make a decision. it is

FAIRFAX'S LAW: Any facts which, when

it

included in the argument,

give the desired result, are fair facts for the

argument.

McNAUGHTON'S RULE: Any argument worth making

within the

bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence that

is

obviously true once stated.

TRUMAN'S LAW If

FIRST

you cannot convince them, confuse them.

LAW OF DEBATE:

Never argue with a fool

know

—

people might not

the difference.

LAWS OF PROCRASTINATION: 1.

Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for

someone

else (the

its

termination on

authority

the deadline).

64

who imposed

reduces anxiety by reducing the expected quality of the project from the best of all

2. It

possible efforts to the best that can be

expected given the limited time. 3.

Status

is

in one's

gained in the eyes of others, and

own

eyes, because

the importance of the

it is

assumed that

work justifies

the

stress.

4.

Avoidance of interruptions including the assignment of other duties can usually be achieved, so that the obviously stressed

worker can concentrate on the

single

effort. 5.

Procrastination avoids boredom; one never

has the feeling that there

nothing

is

important to do. 6. It

may

eliminate the job

if

the need passes

before the job can be done.

65

SWIPPLE RULE OF ORDER: He who shouts loudest has 66

the floor,

RAYBURN'S RULE: If

you want to

get along, go along.

BOREN'S LAWS: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder. PARKER'S RULE OF PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE:

A motion

to adjourn

is

always in order.

PATTON'S LAW:

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

67

ACCOUNTSMANSHIP

68

FROTHINGHAM'S FALLACY: Time

is

money.

CRANE'S LAW: There

ain't

no such thing

as a free lunch.

PARKINSON'S FIRST LAW: Work expands its

to

fill

the time available for

completion; the thing to be done swells in

perceived importance and complexity in a direct ratio with the time to be spent in its

completion.

PARKINSON'S SECOND LAW: Expenditures

rise

to

meet income.

PARKINSON'S LAW OF DELAY: Delay

is

the deadliest form of denial.

WIKER'S LAW: Government expands

to absorb revenue

and

then some.

TUCCILLE'S FIRST

LAW OF REALITY:

Industry always moves in to

vacuum.

69

fill

an economic

WESTHEIMER'S RULE: To

estimate the time

estimate the time

multiply by

2,

it

takes to

you think

it

do a

task:

should take,

and change the unit of

measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate 2 days for a one-hour task.

GRESHAM'S LAW: Trivial matters are

handled promptly;

important matters are never solved.

GRAY'S LAW OF PROGRAMMING: 'n+r

trivial

tasks are expected to be

accomplished

in

the

same time

as

'n'

tasks.

LOGG'S REBUTTAL TO GRAY'S LAW: *n+r as 'n'

trivial trivial

tasks take twice as long tasks.

NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES: The

first

ninety percent of the task takes ninety

percent of the time, and the

last

ten percent

takes the other ninety percent.

WEINBERG'S FIRST LAW: Progress

is

made on

alternate Fridays.

THE ORDERING PRINCIPLE: Those supplies necessary for yesterday's 70

experiment must be ordered no

later

than

tomorrow noon.

CHEOPS'S LAW: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

EXTENDED EPSTEIN-HEISENBERG PRINCIPLE: In an R & D orbit, only 2 of the existing 3 parameters can be defined simultaneously. The parameters are: task, time, and resources

($).

one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for the completion of the task, then one cannot guess how much it

1. If

will cost. 2. If

the time and resources are clearly

defined, then

it is

what part of the

impossible to

know

R&D task will be

performed. 3. If

you

are given a clearly defined

goal and a definite

R&D

amount of money which

has been calculated to be necessary for the

completion of the if

task,

and when the goal

you cannot

will

predict

be reached.

lucky enough and can accurately define all 3 parameters, then what one deals with is not in the realm of R & D. If

one

is

71

PARETO'S LAW (THE 20/80 LAW): 20% of the customers account for 80%

of the

turnover.

20%

of the components account for

80%

of

the cost, etc.

O'BRIEN'S PRINCIPLE (THE $357.73 THEORY): Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by

5

or 10.

OBSERVATION ON THE CONSUMPTION OF PAPER:

ISSAWI'S

Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in socialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in capitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every article in four layers of cardboard.

BROWN'S LAW OF BUSINESS SUCCESS: Our customer's paperwork paperwork

is

is

profit.

Our own

loss.

JOHN'S COLLATERAL COROLLARY: In order to get a loan

you don't need

you must

first

prove

it.

BRIEN'S FIRST LAW: At some time

in the life cycle

72

of virtually every

organization, itself

ability to succeed in spite of

its

runs out.

LAW OF INSTITUTIONS: The opulence of the front

office decor varies

inversely with the fundamental solvency of

the firm.

PAULG'S LAW: In America, it's

it's

not

how much you

how much

an item costs,

save.

JUHANrS LAW: The compromise

will

always be more

expensive thaiT either of the suggestions it is

compromising. 73

EXPERTSMANSHIP

74

THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES Whoever has the gold makes the

rules.

GUMMIDGE'S LAW: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

DUNNE'S LAW: The territory behind rhetoric mined with equivocation.

MALEK'S LAW: Any simple idea

will

is

be worded

too often

in the

most

complicated way.

ALLISON'S PRECEPT: The best simple-minded particular area

is

in a series of bets

test of expertise in a

the ability to win

money

on future occurrences

in that area.

WEINBERG'S COROLLARY: An expert is a person who

75

avoids the small

errors while sweeping

on to the grand

fallacy.

POTTER'S LAW: The amount of

flak received

on any subject

is

inversely proportional to the subject's true value.

ROSS'S LAW: Never characterize the importance of a statement in

advance.

THE RULE OF THE WAY OUT: Always leave room to add an explanation doesn't

work

if it

out.

CLARKE'S LAW OF REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS: Every revolutionary idea — in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever — evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: "It

is

impossible

2. ''It

is

possible,

1.

3. ''I said it

was

a

—

but

don't waste it is

that something right.

he

is

When he

is

all

along."

elderly scientist states

possible, he

states that

very probably wrong.

76

time."

not worth doing."

good idea

CLARKE'S FIRST LAW: When a distinguished but

my

is

almost certainly

something

is

impossible,

CLARKE'S SECOND LAW: The only way to discover is

to go

the limits of the possible

beyond them into the impos^ble.

RULE OF THE GREAT: When somebody you

greatly admire

and respect

appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they

probably are thinking about lunch.

77

CLARKE^S THIRD LAW: Any sufficiently advanced technology indistinguishable

is

from magic.

LAW OF SUPERIORITY: The

example of superior principle is always to the developed example of inferior

first

inferior

principle.

BLAAUW'S LAW: Established technology tends to persist in spite of

new

technology.

COHEN'S LAW: What

really matters

is

imposing on the facts

the

—

name you succeed

in

not the facts themselves.

FITZ-GIBBON'S LAW: Creativity varies inversely with the

number of

cooks involved with the broth.

EARTH'S DISTINCTION: who and those who

There are two types of people: those divide people into

two

types,

don't.

RUN AMOK'S LAW: There are four kinds of people: those

who

sit

do nothing, those who talk about sitting quiedy and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things. quietly and

78

LEVY'S EIGHTH LAW:

No amount

of genius can overcome a preoccupation

with detaiL

LEVY'S NINTH LAW: Only God can make a random

selection.

SEGAL'S LAW: A man with one watch knows what time A man with two watches is never sure.

MILLER'S LAW: You can't tell how deep step in

a puddle

is

until

it is.

you

it.

KAMIN'S SIXTH LAW: When attempting to

predict and forecast macro-

economic moves of economic legislation by a politician, never be misled by what he says; instead — watch what he does. 79

^

WEILER'S LAW: Nothing

is

have to do

impossible for the it

himself.

80

man who

doesn't

LaCOMBE'S RULE OF PERCENTAGES: The incidence of anything worthwhile

is

either

15-25 percent or 80-90 percent,

Dudenhoefer's Corollary:

An

answer of 50 percent 40-60 range.

will suffice for the

WEINBERG'S SECOND LAW: If builders built buildings the

wrote programs, then the

first

came along would destroy

81

way programmers woodpecker that

civilization.

HUMANSHIP

82

FIRST

LAW OF SOCIO-GENETICS:

Celibacy

is

not hereditary.

BEIFELD'S PRINCIPLE: The probability of a young man meeting desirable

and receptive young female increases

by pyramidal progression when he in the

a

company

of:

(3) a better looking

already

is

(1) a date, (2) his wife,

and richer male

friend.

FARBER'S FOURTH LAW: Necessity

is

the mother of strange bedfellows.

HARTLEY'S SECOND LAW: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

BECKHAP'S LAW: Beauty times brains equals a constant.

PARDO'S POSTULATES: 1.

Anything good

in life

is

either illegal,

immoral

or fattening. 2.

The three faithful things dog and an old woman.

3.

Don't care ifyou're rich or not, as long

83

in life are

money, a as

you can live comfortably and have everything you want.

PARKER'S LAW: Beauty

is

only skin deep, but ugly goes clean

to the bone.

CAPTAIN PENNY'S LAW: You can fool all of the

people some of the time,

and some of the people can't fool

of the time, but

you

MOM.

LAW OF THE CONSERVATION

ISSAWI'S

OF

all

EVIL:

The

amount of

any system remains constant. Hence, any diminution in one direction — for instance, a reduction in poverty or unemployment — is accompanied by an increase in total

another,

e.g.,

evil in

crime or

KATZ'S LAW: Men and nations

air pollution.

will act rationally

when

all

other possibilities have been exhausted.

PARKER'S LAW OF POLITICAL STATEMENTS: The truth of any proposition has nothing with

its

credibility

and vice

versa.

MR. COLE'S AXIOM: The sum of the intelligence on 84

to

the planet

is

do

a constant; the population

is

growing.

LAW OF THE INDIVIDUAL: Nobody anyone

really cares or understands

what

else is doing.

STEELE'S PLAGIARISM OF SOMEBODY'S

PHILOSOPHY: Everybody should believe I

believe

I'll

in

something

—

have another drink.

LEVY'S THIRD LAW: That segment of the community with which one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal inevitably turns out to be one of the most narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community. Kelly's Reformation:

Nice guys don't finish nice.

THE KENNEDY CONSTANT: Don't get mad — get even.

CANADA BILL JONES'S MOTTO: It's

morally wrong to allow suckers to keep

their

money.

85

Supplement:

A Smith

and Wesson beats four

aces.

JONES'S MOTTO: Friends

come and

go,

but enemies accumulate.

McCLAUGHRY'S CODICIL TO JONES'S MOTTO To make an enemy, do someone VIQUE'S LAW: A man without

religion

is

a favor.

like a fish

without

a bicycle.

THE FIFTH RULE: You

have taken yourself too seriously.

86

METALAWS LES MISERABLES METALAW: whether good, bad or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter.

All laws,

PERSIG'S POSTULATE: The number of

rational hypotheses that can

explain any given

LILLY'S

phenomenon

is

infinite.

METALAW:

All laws are simulations of reality.

THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when you are investigating the unknown you do not know what you will find.

COOPER'S METALAW: A proliferation of new laws creates proliferation of new loopholes.

87

a

Q COLE'S

88

LAW

COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

WALLACE'S OBSERVATION: Everything

is

in a state

of utter dishevelment.

HARTLEY'S FIRST LAW: You can lead a horse to get

him

to float

on

water, but

his back,

if

you can

you've got

something.

WEAVER'S LAW: When

several reporters share a cab

ment, the reporter

on an

in the front seat

assign-

pays for

all.

Doyle's Corollary:

No

matter

no matter his

how many reporters share a who pays, each puts the full

own expense

cab, fare

and on

account.

JOHNSON'S SECOND LAW: If,

in the course of several

89

months, only three

worthwhile social events take place, they all fall on the same evening.

will

MATSCH'S LAW: It's

better to have a horrible ending than to have

horrors without end.

ON DEMOCRATIC

JACQUIN'S POSTULATE

GOVERNMENT: No

man's

life,

liberty or property are safe

while the legislature

is

in session.

FOWLER'S NOTE: The only imperfect thing

in nature

is

the

human

race.

TERMAN'S LAW OF INNOVATION: you want a track team to wdn the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.

If

TRISCHMANN'S PARADOX:

A

pipe gives a wise

something to stick

man

time to think and a fool

in his

90

mouth.

BUCY'S LAW: Nothing

is

ever accomplished

by a reasonable man.

CHURCHILL'S COMMENTARY ON MAN: Man will occasionally stumble over the most of the time he

will pick himself

continue on.

91

truth, but

up and

HALDANE'S LAW: The universe it's

is

not only queerer than we imagine,

queerer than

we

can imagine.

KERR-MARTIN LAW: 1.

In dealing with their

members 2.

are the

own

problems, faculty

most extreme

conservatives.

In dealing with other people's problems,

they are the most extreme

liberals.

LAW OF OBSERVATION: Nothing looks far away.

Or it

—

as

good

close

up

as

it

does from

nothing looks as good from far away as

does close up.

THE AQUINAS AXIOM: What

the gods get

away

with, the

cows

don't.

NEWTON'S LITTLE-KNOWN SEVENTH LAW:

A

bird in the

hand

is

safer than

one overhead.

WHITE'S CHAPPAQUIDICK THEOREM: The sooner and bad news, the

in

more

better.

92

detail

you announce the

93

Heard

a

with a

good Law lately? If you have, or if youVe come up Law of your own, and you would like to see it

immortalized with our it

own

in print,

why

not send

experience, there

in a future edition

is

a

it

came from. Send your Laws

If it

If

the

will use

Law you

try to tell us exactly to:

Murphy's Law Price/Stern/Sloan Publishers, Inc.

410 North La Cienega Boulevard Los Angeles, California 90048

94

coincides

good chance we

oi Murphy's Law.

from another source, please

to us?

send

where

is it

This

book

is

published by

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Itssl

96

MURPHY'S L^% If If

is

a

Book

of Miracles and

you know what Murphy

(quoting Finagle's Rules) says about them:

"Don't believe

in

miracles

-

Rely upon them/'

unassailable

MURPHY'S LAW for miraculous revelations and realities - all culled from the intricacies of twentieth-

century

The author has included some Laws

You can

rely

life.

on

Peter Principles and even a

little

Cole's

There are chapters for truth-seekers

in

Law

you by the throat or

classic

words say

it

a tiger has

every field

a

like

Murphy, has refined

He

has been a car

bass guitarist, and

Almanac and The Book California,

Designman-

Humanship. let

If

Fate

Murphy's now-

for you:

years of hard work.

and

- from

your tongue,

"If anything can go wrong, Arthur Bloch,

some

(slimly sliced cabbage).

ship and Machinesmanship to Hierarchiology and

has

of Parkinson,

his

it

will/^

his natural

wisdom through

wash attendant, an egg

gatherer,

The

People's

words have appeared

in

of Lists. Bloch currently resides in Berkeley,

and studies cosmology.

PRICE/STERIN/SLOAIN Publishers, Inc, 0-8431-0428-7