Manipulation Techniques Learn POWERFUL Tricks to Control People’s Mind and GET What You Want in Life 1099129478, 978-1099129476

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Manipulation Techniques Learn POWERFUL Tricks to Control People’s Mind and GET What You Want in Life
 1099129478,  978-1099129476

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  • Manipulation Techniques to Control People’s Mind

Table of contents :
Chapter 1 : What is Manipulation ?......Page 8
Chapter 2 : Simple Everyday Manipulation Tips and Tricks......Page 12
Chapter 3 : Advanced Level Manipulation Methods......Page 27
Chapter 4 : Becoming a Master Manipulator......Page 51
Chapter 5 : The Rules of Manipulation......Page 65
Chapter 6 : Ten - Minute Tips for Manipulation......Page 75
Chapter 7 : Master Manipulators in World History......Page 86
Chapter 8 : Mistakes Making You Vulnerable to Manipulation......Page 95
Chapter 9 : Manipulation and the Question of Morality......Page 104
Conclusion......Page 110

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Manipulation Techniques Learn POWERFUL Tricks to Control People’s Mind and GET What You Want in Life, Understanding Brainwashing, Hypnosis, Persuasion and Deception and How to Defend Yourself From

© Copyright 2019 - All rights reserved. The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher. Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either directly or indirectly. Legal Notice: This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher. Disclaimer Notice: Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book. By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as a result of the use of information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, — errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

Chapter 1: What is Manipulation? Persuasion vs. Manipulation

Chapter 2: Simple Everyday Manipulation Tips and Tricks Simple Ways You’re Getting Manipulated Every day and How to Turn Things Around Flattery Lying and Deception Bribery

Chapter 3: Advanced Level Manipulation Methods Love Bombing How to successfully love bomb anyone before they love bomb you Foot-in-the-door technique How to be successful with the FITD and DITF techniques Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Mirroring Technique NeuroLinguistic Programming The Illusion of Choice Guilt-tripping and Punishment

Chapter 4: Becoming a Master Manipulator Be a good listener Turn your flirt on Communicate well and effectively Master your emotions Timing and opportunity Physical contact Fear and Manipulation

Chapter 5: The Rules of Manipulation Rule #1: You must define your target and read them well Rule #2: Do not sever relationships immediately after fulfilling your need Rule #3: Be as you wish to seem Rule #4: Do not get attached Rule #5: Trust no one

Rule #6: Do not get cocky Rule #7: Educate yourself Rule #8: When caught, stop lying Rule #9: Do not be predictable Rule #10: Never underestimate the enemy Rule #11: Make yourself indispensable Rule #12: Do not be afraid to make enemies Rule #13: Know when to cut your losses Rule #14: Never be too transparent about your intentions Rule #15: Don’t be a jerk

Chapter 6: Ten-Minute Tips for Manipulation Tip #1: Change of environment Tip #2: Make it about the other person Tip #3: Speak quickly Tip #4: Dress nicely Tip #5: Scare tactics Tip #6: Consistency is key Tip #7: Silence is golden Tip #8: Play nice Tip #9: Carry your cross Tip #10: Talk that talk Tip #11: Put the data aside Tip #12: Be unique but also predictable in a relatable way Tip #13: Newbies are easy targets Tip #14: I need your help… Tip #15: It’s all in the name Bonus Tip: Food is your friend

Chapter 7: Master Manipulators in World History Hanns Scharff Joseph Stalin Charles Ponzi Ted Bundy Dee Dee Blanchard

Chapter 8: Mistakes Making You Vulnerable to Manipulation You believe everything you hear or read You overshare or give too much information about yourself Your self-image and self-presentation You rush into relationships

You do not understand what manipulation is You do not run things through your social circle You are not selfish with your money You are not clear on where you stand on certain matters You think everyone is a nice person You are not likable

Chapter 9: Manipulation and the Question of Morality Why Manipulation is Important in Your Life

Conclusion References

Chapter 1: What is Manipulation? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear of the term manipulation? For many people, manipulation is a faraway phenomenon that happens to other people, and not to themselves. It is highly unlikely that you will be going about your day thinking about manipulation or worrying that others are manipulating you. Yet the truth of the matter is, manipulation is everywhere around us. It is in sales adverts that try to entice you to buy something that you do not need by convincing you that you do need it. It is in the puppy eyes of a lover or child trying to get something out of you. Manipulation is also at play when a passenger is trying to charm a flight attendant into getting a first-class upgrade. In short, manipulation is everywhere in your daily life. The only reason it goes unnoticed is because high chances are that you are not looking out for it. In many cases, it is often so subtle that even if you were looking for it, you would not notice it. Manipulation, essentially, is a silent, subtle game happening behind the scenes, and you can bet that you are not the main character. The key to becoming the main actor (or at least avoiding the supporting roles a.k.a being the victim) is to understand what manipulation entails. Once you understand this, you will be in a position to recognize it, avoid it and even beat it. At the same time, understanding manipulation will help you to get better at it, if that is your goal. There is nothing wrong with being good at manipulation. In fact, knowing how to manipulate your way through life situations is a surefire way of being successful at a lot of things. The only thing you should be careful of is how you use your newly gained skills. The reason why manipulation often gets such a bad rap is because, in many instances, manipulators use their skills to the detriment of others. First things first, what is the textbook definition of manipulation? Merriam-

Webster dictionary has various definitions for manipulation, among them: to manage or utilize skillfully; to control by unfair means in order to gain advantage and; to change by unfair means in order to serve one’s purpose. Keep in mind that manipulation, as defined above, may also refer to contexts where non-human objects are involved. For instance, one might say a particular data scientist has the ability to manipulate complex data sets. This statement and the skill therein are something that will be applauded when said out loud. The same cannot be said when the scenario is changed to show a data scientist who is very manipulative of his colleagues. The point here is that when it comes to manipulation, context really matters. While the above definitions of manipulation are all correct and self-explanatory, psychological manipulation is the main focus of this book. To borrow from our earlier definition, psychological manipulation is the ability to manage and utilize people’s minds or psyche skillfully. A more detailed way of defining psychological manipulation is as follows: a form of social influence that seeks to control the behavior and thinking of people through deceptive tactics. This definition does not make psychological manipulation sound like a very nice thing, so why do should you do it? Well, if you are reading this book, high chances are that you’re likely tired of having lost control and want to get it back. Or maybe you’re tired of hearing no and want to hear yes more regularly. This book will not be a manual on how to use manipulation to hurt or lie to others. It is more of a handbook on how to make the most out of your social interactions for your own benefit and possibly for the benefit of the people around you. It is not an encouragement to be deceiving to others, but rather a tell-all on the manipulation signs you have been missing and how you can take back your own power in your life. The next chapters of this book will delve into the simple everyday manipulation tactics that manipulators use that you might not even be aware of, and the more complex tactics that require a little bit of time to master. You’ll get all the

information you need to become a master manipulator, complete with a chapter on where to draw the morality line when it comes to manipulation.

Persuasion vs. Manipulation The line between persuasion and manipulation is so thin that it often gets blurry. Distinguishing these two concepts can often be difficult, especially depending on the circumstances and your own perspective as an individual. Persuasion and manipulation are alike in that in both cases there is someone trying to influence the decisions and behaviors of another. The key distinction between the two is that manipulation is seen to be highly driven by self-interest where one party is willing to go through any length to benefit themselves, including putting others in harm’s way. Persuasion on the other is the nicer cousin of manipulation--there is a desire to influence for self-interest but there is often a line drawn to mark boundaries. Persuasion is the more ethical way to go about it, many will argue. At the end of the day, however, the two concepts seem to intertwine especially depending on the techniques used to achieve either of them.

Chapter 2: Simple Everyday Manipulation Tips and Tricks Manipulators are all around us. Some of them do it unconsciously. Yes, they do know that they are trying to get what they want, but if you asked them, they’d probably not say they are being manipulative. A young child who throws a tantrum to get what they want is being manipulative. They are trying to gain control of the situation using their tears and ability to out-yell their parents. They know that throwing themselves on the floor at a busy Target on a Tuesday afternoon will ensure they get the toy they are demanding from their parent. Or at least that’s what they hope. But what does a 3-year old kid know about manipulation? From a psychological point of view, their understanding of this concept is not very advanced. And yet, there they are: kicking and screaming on the floor of a supermarket aisle while their flushed parent mumbles apologies to no one in particular. This is probably one of their very first attempts at manipulation, and whether they go on to become a good manipulator later in life will depend on several factors. One of these is how the parent responds to the tantrum. If the child gets what they want by throwing a tantrum, they will determine that that is indeed a great way to always get told yes. If they do not, they might have to try a different method. The example of the tantrum-throwing child goes to show that manipulation is a very instinctive behavior. Every human being has it in them to become manipulative. Some tend to his innate ability while others do not. At birth, all humans are manipulative. The ability to use other people for your own gain comes inbuilt for your own survival because as an infant there is nothing else you can do other than depend on others. At a certain age, you are expected to have outgrown this need and become self-sufficient. For some people, however, this does not happen. Or at least, they do not want this to happen. And why

should they? It is only part of their human nature to want other people to do things for them. Chronic manipulators have mastered the art of applying manipulation in their everyday lives to the point where it is the default setting. It is important to note however that chronic manipulation may also occur where there is an underlying mental illness such as borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. In instances where manipulation is motivated by mental illness, there is a very high probability of the victim getting hurt. In such instances, the manipulator’s agenda ceases to be about having an advantage and turns into having the advantage at whatever costs. The dark desire to have power over others can cause people who have personality disorders and other mental issues to exercise excess manipulative power over others. This is best illustrated in a 1938 British play known as Gas Light which was later adapted into a film. In the play, a man convinces his wife that she is going insane when she suggests that the gas light in their house dims from time to time. Jack, the man, manages to get his wife to think that she is the problem and that her mind is insane, when in fact he is only abusing her psychologically while trying to get away with murder. It is from this play (and film adaptations) that the term gaslighting comes from. Gaslighting refers to the practice of manipulating someone to the point where they begin to doubt their own sanity. Individuals who gaslight others are highly manipulative and unbothered by the fact that they are placing the other person in the way of emotional and psychological harm. While this book delves deep into manipulation tactics and techniques, it does not advocate for the harming of others. You can get what you want from other people by manipulating them without necessarily harming them or abusing them psychologically. You can manipulate your way to success without causing failure to others. You can also manipulate someone into falling in love with you and have a happy and successful relationship thereafter. In short, you can get what you want and make people feel really good about themselves all at once.

The reason why manipulation gets such a bad rap is because people often associate it with terrible outcomes and sad endings. Nobody needs to die at the end of this story. You can manipulate your way to a happy ending. After all, you are being manipulated every day yourself. Learning how to manipulate others is just a simple way of gaining back the control that you have seemingly lost in your life.

Simple Ways You’re Getting Manipulated Every day and How to Turn Things Around Flattery Everybody loves getting compliments. Even when you know you’re looking your best and do not really require any validation from anybody else, a strategic compliment is always welcome. Hearing that your carefully selected outfit looks just as amazing as you had envisioned it and that your shoes are worth the $100 you spent on them is often music to the ears. In short, a simple compliment can perk up an otherwise dull day and put a spring in your step. While most people pay compliments innocently with no hidden motives, there are tons of manipulators out there who use flattery as a way of influencing your thoughts and behavior. Flattery is one of the simplest yet most effective tools of the manipulator. Flattery is effective in getting the manipulator what they want from their victim because it appeals to the victim’s idealized self-image. In the simplest terms, an idealized self-image is the image of your own perfection that you have in your mind. Many people create this image of perfection in their minds in order to avoid facing the unhappiness that comes with confronting their shortcomings and flaws. Take, for instance, let’s say you are a dancer. You are not a very good dancer; you’re average at best. However, this is not what you believe in your mind. You believe that you can rival the best of the best. Enter Manipulator X who after watching your non-groundbreaking dance performance decides to flatter you from here to Timbuktu. What happens next? Your ego and self-image are inflated beyond reasonable proportions. You become softer to any demands that the manipulator might have because they’re saying all the things that you

need to hear. You’re ripe and open for manipulation without even knowing it. Human beings have been created in such a way that more often than not you’re want to repay a nice deed with another nice deed. What this means is that when someone flatters you (whether constantly or as a one-off event), you’ll feel indebted to return a favor so that the human transaction can be square. This is the reason why you’ll feel almost compelled to pay someone a compliment back when they give you one. Nice shoes, they say. Oh, thanks, I love your shirt, you reply. This is all part of being human. Manipulators know and understand this. They use flattery to indebt you. Sooner than later, you find yourself heavily in debt, and there’s only one way to extricate yourself: paying back behaviorally. If someone is constantly telling you that your hair looks great and that you have a lovely smile, you might find it harder to say no to their request to do something that you would ordinarily not be open to doing. This is not to mean that everyone that compliments you is looking to get something from you. There are some few and far between kind people who will pay you a compliment just because they like something about you and felt the need to mention it, with absolutely no hidden agenda. Often, the simplest way to recognize whether a compliment is sincere or an attempt at manipulation is to check whether the compliment is accompanied by a behavioral request or favor. If your co-worker tells you that your shoes are nice and walks away, they probably meant it as an innocent compliment. If another co-worker compliments the same shoes and asks you to help them organize some documents in the filing room, you’re probably being manipulated. Looking back, you can probably recognize the instances where you have been manipulated through flattery. In some instances, this may have been harmless while other instances might have cost you a great deal of time, money and even

emotion. The trick to turning tables around is by identifying the root cause of your desire for validation and then working your way around this. We began by saying that an idealized self-image has a lot to do with your hunger for validation. The best way to undo this hunger is to build healthy selfconfidence in a way that is cognizant of your realistic abilities and accepting of your flaws. When you have healthily high-self-esteem, you will not eat up anything and everything that you are offered and then find yourself in a fix because you now feel that you owe the other party something. You will be comfortable enough to graciously accept the compliment without being cocky and then send the (potentially) offending party on their way. And now that you know their game, you can turn it around on its head and use it to your own advantage. Next time you need something from someone, try playing nice. Figure out something they like about themselves, and they hype them up about it. You will have a better chance of succeeding in your exploits with this person if you first make them feel good about themselves. Be careful though--you never want to come across as insincere. If someone is wearing the most god-awful pair of shoes that you have ever seen, do not pay them an insincere compliment. Insincerity stinks. It will show on your face and in the tone of your voice during delivery. The person receiving the compliment might even think you are making fun of them. This is the quickest way to lose your credibility as a trustworthy person. Lying and Deception Most people have told a lie or two. Sometimes, one has to tell a harmless fib here and there for the sake of peace. When the missus asks whether those jeans make her look fat, the last thing you’ll do is answer in the affirmative--even when this is the correct answer. White lies are excusable. When it comes to

manipulators, the lies are a bit more colorful. Manipulators often lie because they can, and not always because they need to. They lie about everything and anything. They lie so that they can throw you off and remain in control, and one step ahead of you. They’ll tell big lies and small lies; simple lies, and complex lies. Manipulators will keep a lie going for a week, a month or several years, until they get caught. They often have no intention of coming clean, ever. Even when they get caught, manipulators will continue to lie in a bid to get themselves out of the difficult situation of getting caught. The lies of a manipulator simply do not come to an end.

There are various ways through which a person may lie. One of these is an omission. Lying by omission is a preferred tactic used by manipulators since it allows one to place the blame on the victim. This is because the manipulator can always claim that they did not tell a particular truth because nobody demanded it. Leaving out bits of information amounts to lying. Being selective with the truth is the same thing as lying because it creates an alternate story that is contrary to reality. This alternate reality is precisely what a manipulator is looking to achieve with their lies.

Another form of lying is through the use of vagueness. A manipulator may tell you the truth regarding a certain matter but give you such vague details that you’re left in the dark more than you are enlightened. The extreme contrast of vagueness is intense specificity. Specificity works this way: ask your manipulative friend a simple question that requires a yes or no answer, and they launch into an hour-long explanation that does not seem to have a definitive start or end. What your friend is trying to do is drown you in the details so that you are none the wiser about your earlier concern. This form of lying can easily go undetected because in the tirade of answers, you’ll catch a few or several truths and you start to get convinced that your friend is telling the truth. If by the end of your friend’s rant you still do not have the answer to your original question, you are being manipulated. While honesty is the best policy, you will not always have the best results when you lay your soul bare to everyone. In situations such as the workplace, being too forthcoming with personal information can work to your detriment. Instead, you should aim to serve the truth in small portions and where possible stretch it a little. If your boss asks you how you like your new role as office manager, do not rush to pour your heart out and complain about every little thing. You might come across as the kind of employee that the company would be better off without. Instead, let your boss know how much you appreciate the role and how exciting it has been to learn all the new things that you have learned about the company (even though it has not been exciting). Adopting this approach will make you a much more likable employee as far as your boss is concerned and will make life easier for you in your new company. When it comes to relationships, a well-placed lie can save your union from crumbling. Relationships are particularly tricky when it comes to honesty and lying because while you want to stay honest with your partner, too much honesty can be counterproductive. For example, should you be forthcoming with a past indiscretion when you know that your partner considers cheating of whatever

kind a deal breaker? When you have met your soulmate who believes one should not have more than five sexual partners in their past, should you go ahead and let them know that your number is higher than that? In such instances, it is important to consider what would be the most ideal and favorable outcome for you. You are not lying to your partner. You are simply looking out for yourself. If you want to utilize lies to further your agenda successfully, you have to know how to tell a good lie, whatever kind of lie that may be. Lying is an art form, and you need to be committed to the art. Here are some quick truths on how to tell a good lie that will not come back to bite you in your assumptions: Plan your lie diligently For anything to succeed, there must be some proper planning done beforehand. The same applies to lying. In order to lie effectively, you need to get some work done before you actually tell the lie. One of the things you’ll need to do in preparation is to determine the reason for the lie. If you get into the habit of lying for the sake of lying, you’ll get caught in your lies very easily. However, if you are lying for a good reason, you’ll often find yourself getting away with it. Pathological liars who lie left right and center often get caught in the web of their lies. This is not something that you want happening to you because then you’ll start to look like a crazy person whose entire life is a lie. Before lying, ask yourself whether there is something for you to gain from the lie. If the benefit is significant to you, proceed with the lie. If not, forego the lie. Something else that you need to plan beforehand is the entire story you are going to weave around your lie. Do not wait until you are getting interrogated to figure out your story. Have a solid story from start to finish so that you can work with this right from the beginning. Practice this story before you tell it for the first time so that when you finally tell the lie, you will not be stumbling over your words. Bend the truth without going overboard

If you want to be successful with your lies, you have to draw the line between the believable and the outrightly unrealistic. Crossing this line will mean the difference between influencing people while getting them to do what you want and looking like a clown. Telling an outrageous lie will only draw attention to the fact that you cannot be trusted to tell the truth. This is the quickest way to lose your power of manipulation. For instance, claiming that you had dinner with your celebrity crush in a far-flung island will only earn you disbelieving looks and some snickering behind your back. A more believable version of this story would be saying that you ran into your celebrity crush while you were out to dinner with family. The second story is something that would fly by any logical standards. It is an event that is within the realm of reality. Know your audience A good liar knows that a proper lie must be tailored to suit the audience that hears it. In public speaking, good orators are taught that you must customize every message that you sell to the public so that it resonates with the target audience. If your audience can relate to the message, they are likely to buy whatever it is that you are selling. The same case applies to lying and deception. Unless you understand your audience, you will not be in a position to know what makes them tick. Once you understand what matters to your audience, you can tailor a befitting lie that will grab their attention for as long as you need it. This is something that many cons have mastered. Cons are so good at deception because they take time to know their target properly, to the extent of having a ‘customer profile’ of their audience. This ensures that the cons are armed with the knowledge of which buttons to press, and when. For instance, if a con person is targeting an individual who is passionate about real estate, they will have to come up with an elaborate lie about their various thriving investments in real estate. If they approach the same individual with a story about investing in the beauty business, they will not have that individual’s attention for a very long time. You must properly understand the

person you are lying to before you even get started on lying to them. Your liar friend probably knows this, and it explains why they took time to get to know you properly before trying to trap you into a pyramid scheme that they knew would wipe your savings clean. Do not involve anyone else in telling your lie What this means is that you should not go around announcing your deceptive exploits to all and sundry. After successfully telling your first lie, you might find yourself reeling with excitement and feeling an urge to share your success with a confidant. Telling on yourself is the easiest way to get caught. The best liars know not to trust anyone and will cling onto their lies to the last of their breaths without confessing anything to anyone. Not involving other people in your lies also means that you should not include anyone who might blow your cover in your story. Remember the story about having dinner and then running into your celebrity crush? Do not make up a lie that involves having dinner with a friend and then running into your celebrity crush because chances are high that this friend will sell you out once the pressure of interrogation is on. Simply, do not involve other people in your lies. You can only depend on yourself to tell your lie successfully. Write down the lie Lying is a lot of hard work. There is a lot of remembering to do, some of which might not be possible if you just rely on your own memory. The reason why a lot of people get caught lying is because they cannot remember the first lie they told, so they keep changing the story. At the end of it all, the people they have lied to get together and compare notes and the liar is outed as exactly what they are. If you are worried that you will not remember all your lies, keep a notebook and jot down notes to jog your memory. Make sure that nobody else besides you has access to this notebook because you really do not want anybody else getting their hands on your treasure trove of lies.

Commit to the lie Unwavering dedication to a lie will help you see your lie through to maturity. The bad liars of this world do not like lying. They find lying unpleasant and will more often than not quickly take up the chance to change the topic to something else. If you know a bad liar in your life, you have probably noticed that they do not like being interrogated about their lies. They will give short answers to your questions and then quickly change the subject to something else before they are caught. The good liars of the world are the exact opposite. They are proud of the fact that they can lie, and lie well, and will go on and on about what they are lying about with unwavering dedication. They are focused and committed to deceiving you and do not find it one bit disgusting. Experienced liars enjoy the act of deception and will stretch out the lie for as long as it is necessary. If you are hoping to become experienced in the art of deception, you must be committed to the lie. Align your body language to the lie Sometimes, the lips can be saying one thing while your body says another. Everyone has the tells that give them away when they are lying. It could be that you fidget or gesture a lot when speaking about something that is untrue. Or maybe you touch your nose and lick your lips when lying. Whatever it is that you do, you have to be conscious of this and then find a way of ensuring it does not give you away. You must train yourself to avoid the nonverbal cues that typically give away a liar. For instance, a person who is not used to lying will often break eye contact when telling a lie. Such a person cannot stand to look the other party in the eye while they lie to them. If you want to get away with your deception, you must maintain a healthy amount of eye contact with the person you are lying to. It does not mean that you must stare unblinkingly at the person you are talking to as this would be awkward; what you must do is carry on with your eye contact as you would when speaking the truth.

Bribery Bribery is perhaps one of the most blatant forms of manipulation because there is often no question that the briber is trying to influence the decision of the other party. There is no subtlety involved, and the mystery of flattery and lying is foregone for a much colder transaction. When you bribe someone, you are essentially buying your way with them. A person who has accepted a bribe is compromised and will often not say no to your demands. In many jurisdictions and most organizations, bribery is a crime that is punishable by law. This, however, does not stop people from engaging in the act. Often, bribery involves the exchange of material items for favors. People will use cold cash, gifts, tips, discounts, donations, kickbacks, and even sweetheart deals to arrive at favorable agreements. Bribery as a form of manipulation can begin on either side of the equation: it might be initiated by the person who needs the favor or the person who has to give the favor. When initiated by the person who needs the favor, it is often done in a sly manner where the other party finds themselves compromised without even anticipating it. For instance, a political candidate might receive a significant donation from a particular individual and accept this donation as a well-meant contribution. Later on, the donor might call on the political candidate to change certain laws to favor their business practices, for example. The political candidate might not necessarily agree with these laws that need to be changed, but they will be compelled to honor the donation they received and agree to the donor’s demands. After all, they need the donor’s money the next time they go to the ballot. The downside of bribery is that it is one of those forms of manipulation that often leaves a paper trail. If you bribe your way through a particular situation, the evidence of your wrongdoing might come back later to bite you. At the same time, bribery is not something you can execute if you do not have the material

resourcefulness that the other party wants. Granted, you can bribe your kids into doing something with only a few dollars, but if you want bigger favors, you will need to dig deeper in your pocket. That being said, bribery is also risky in that there really is no written contract that the other party will honor your bribe. You are relying solely on a gentleman’s agreement. If the other party decides to up and leave with your cash, there is really not much that you can do. Also, if you hold a public office or any other office in an organization where bribery is looked down upon, engaging in the act could very easily damage your reputation. That being said, it is sometimes necessary to bribe someone to get your way out of a fix. Sometimes it is just easier and faster to pay someone to do something for you. If you do decide to go down this route, you will have to know how to execute it flawlessly without any awkward moments in between. The first thing you need to do when planning to grease someone’s palm is to decide whether the situation calls for this specific action. Will giving the bribe now result in a need for an incentive every time you need the specific task performed? Can you do without the bribe? Will offering the bribe to this person make you look bad? After answering these questions, you then need to be specific and clear about what you need in exchange. The last thing you need to be when giving a bribe is vague. The vagueness makes it harder for the other person to say yes because they are not sure what exactly needs to be done, and it also makes it harder for you to get what you want because you weren’t clear about it. In many cases, there is more than one person that you can bribe, but only one person is good enough for the job. Once you identify a person or a couple of individuals who can help you do what you want, start thinking of the various offers that these persons might respond to. Some people will do anything for cash while others will prefer different offers. In the case of a family member who is swamped by parenthood, an offer to babysit for a night or two might make more sense than an offer of money. The last option you settle on should be

the person who will help you get what you want at the least cost. Do not ever call a bribe by its name, as most people do not like to think of themselves as corruptible. Most people would rather think of themselves as perfect angels, even when they are not. Do not walk into someone’s house or office and tell them that you have a bribe for them. Find a better name for it even though you know that it is a bribe. You may call it a negotiation or compromise. Sometimes, you might not even have to call it. Bribing someone with gifts over a period of time creates a sense of indebtedness that makes them feel obliged to do something in return in order to balance the transaction.

Chapter 3: Advanced Level Manipulation Methods In the previous chapter, we explored the simple everyday techniques that manipulators use. These techniques are easy to learn, and you have probably used some of them before. For example, you have likely lied your way out of a tricky situation or two. Our current chapter explores the more advanced methods which require a little bit more skill and experience. Good manipulators start with the simple methods first and then learn to incorporate the more complex techniques in their manipulation. The more advanced methods may be harder to notice, and you might have someone under your spell for a long time before they clue in on what is actually happening to them.

Love Bombing If you have heard of the term stink bomb and know what it is, then you probably have an idea of what love bombing might be. In the simplest terms, love bombing is a form of manipulation that involves showing someone a lot of affection and adoration with the intention of influencing their behavior. The origin of the term love bombing can be traced to the 1970s when members of the Unification Church of the United States purportedly coined it to refer to the intense affection showered upon each other and visitors. Back then, love bombing was used as a positive phrase. Over the years, critics of the group and psychologists alike have painted a different picture of love bombing, even labeling it as the secret weapon of many narcissists and abusive partners.

So, how does love bombing work? Just like a bomb goes off unexpectedly and instantly, love bombing works in the very same way. A person who is trying to manipulate you through love bombing will shower you with lots and lots of affection and attention soon after you meet, or as soon as they need something for you. Love bombers will often come across as the perfect partners, especially when the relationship is young and new. A manipulative person who is looking to love bomb you will call you and text you all day and every day, or as much as they think you want them to. They will compliment everything about you and will pay attention to all your needs. Expect to receive gifts and surprise visits left, right and center. You might find yourself wondering how you got so lucky. Or you might find yourself feeling

overwhelmed because you are not used to this much attention. Whatever the case may be, you should not get used to this affection and attention because it will not last very long. Your manipulator is only using it to hook you. The next stage in love bombing is where your manipulator does the exact opposite of what they were initially doing. Instead of showers of praise, you will now be subjected to unending torrents of criticism. Where once you felt like the most valuable person in the individual’s life, you begin to question your own self-worth. Essentially, the person has pulled the rug from under your feet and now you are left confused and wondering where to go. What’s likely to happen if you are unaware of what is happening (manipulation through love bombing) is that you will start to seek validation from your manipulator. You will constantly be seeking their approval in the big and small decisions and events of your life. Gradually, you hand power over to the manipulator and allow them to influence your behavior and decisions. This is a process that happens unknowingly because you have been tricked into this situation. Perhaps the most tragic part of love bombing is that the final stage is where your manipulator discards you after you have outlived your value in their life. You’re probably wondering whether you are being love bombed by someone in your life right now. Here are some signs that should tell you whether you are being manipulated through the love bombing tactic: Everything is happening too quickly While there’s such a thing as love at first sight, it’s also true that more often than not rational people require sufficient time to develop real and deep love. If you are on a second meeting and your date is already talking about being hopelessly in love with you, you might want to proceed with caution. Yes, you are an amazing human, and you deserve the very best that life has to offer. However, you should be careful of anyone who tries to paint you as the most perfect human ever to exist, especially if they have not known you long enough to make

such a conclusion. Love bombers will want to inflate your ego and self-image to the point where you are high on the belief that you are perfect. Once you are addicted to this high, the manipulator knows that they are in control and can make you do whatever they please. They want to be the superheroes in your story The people in our lives come in handy in different ways. At the most fundamental level, they provide companionship. Human beings are social animals, and a good friend or two will go a long way in alleviating your loneliness and providing some much-needed warmth in your life. When you are in trouble, it is natural to turn to the people in your life to provide solutions for these troubles. Your genuine friends will provide solutions and go on their merry way because they know you’d have done the same for them is the situations were reversed. A manipulator who wants to control you through love bombing will help you because they want to have some control in your life. They want to be the person that loved you so much that they came to your help. You’re the damsel in distress, and they are the knight in shining armor. What the damsel does not know is that they are racking up a debt in the eye of the manipulator and very soon the manipulator will come to collect. Watch out for relationships--be they casual, intimate or formal--where one individual seems to always be running to the rescue and bringing up the fact long after the matter has been resolved. You should also be keen to identify the individuals who seem to always be looking out for ways to assist by asking about the things that make you sad. They are bringing up the bad parts of your life so that they can get a chance to make you happy and be the hero of the story. This is what love bombing is all about. You are constantly receiving gifts Most people love getting gifts. It is not for no reason that gift giving ranks as one of the love languages of the world. Getting a thoughtful gift from a loved one

can brighten up anyone’s day. In many cases, gifts are just that: gifts. In the world of love bombing manipulators, gifts are debts. Every time you receive a gift, you owe them something in return. If the new guy you met at the bar two weeks ago has started sending gifts your way every day of the week, you might want to put an end to it before he comes to collect. You can be sure he will not be nice about it, and he will likely guilt trip you by suggesting that you should not have accepted the gifts if you were not willing to give in to his demands. It is important to note that love bombing does not just apply to romantic encounters. Any situation where someone you barely know is doing too much to show you how valuable you are qualifies as love bombing. Granted, there are some socially awkward people who do not understand that relationships require sufficient time to fully unfold, but those are few and far between. The majority of people who rush to show you unprecedented adoration are typically manipulators who are very well aware of exactly what they are doing. How to successfully love bomb anyone before they love bomb you Now that you understand what love bombing is, you’re probably wondering how to do it to someone before they do it on you. While it is always better to pursue genuine relationships that are mutually beneficial, you’ll find that these are often few and far between. Most people are friends with other people because they get something out of it. When you finally meet that person who thinks they can love bomb you into gaining control over your life, you need to be one step ahead of them. When dealing with someone who is manipulative, the key is to always mirror their actions. When they compliment you, compliment them back. When they buy you gifts, buy them something in return. Before long, you will be dancing the love bomb tango, and you will be well on your way to getting what you want. It is important that you determine whether what you want is worth the

effort you will be putting into love bombing this person. Manipulation requires concerted time and effort. Manipulation does not occur overnight. You have to make sure that the benefits outweigh the cost. Otherwise you are investing too much for nothing in return. Once you figure out what you stand to gain by love bombing a particular person, you are free to go all out in your bid to showcase how important, perfect and loved that person is, at least from where you stand.

Foot-in-the-door technique The foot-in-the-door technique is yet another tactic that seasoned manipulators use to gain control over their victims. The premise of the foot-in-the-door technique is that people are more likely to agree to a more demanding request if they have first established rapport by responding to a smaller request. Most rational people have boundaries on what they are willing to do for complete strangers or otherwise as far as their generosity goes. If you walk up to a stranger and ask them to give you a significant amount of money for free, the resounding answer will often be no. This is because this is a significant, if not outrightly unreasonable, request. However, if you walk up to a stranger and ask them for a simple donation to a charity of your choice, this stranger will most likely agree to your request. This is because there is a big difference between the two requests and the nature of the relationship you have with the stranger determines the miles they are willing to walk for you. If you have built a better bond with this stranger, they might consider giving you a bigger check next time you ask.

The foot-in-the-door technique was demonstrated to be effective by a study conducted in the 1960s by the Stanford University researchers named Jonathan Freedman and Scott Fraser. In their study, Freedman and Fraser sampled a group of 100 plus stay-at-home moms (then referred to as ‘housewives’) and divided these into four groups. The first three groups were contacted with a simple request to provide an inventory of their household products over the phone. The fourth group did not receive this small request. After the initial request, Freedman and Fraser proceeded to ask the groups of women whether they would allow a group of men into their homes to take a physical inventory of the said household products. It was noted that the groups that had gotten the earlier smaller request were more likely to agree to the more demanding request of allowing strange men into their homes for stock take. The reason for this is that the research team had already established a bond with the stay-at-home moms, and the latter group almost felt obliged to honor this bond

and keep saying yes to the request. In terms of human psychology, the foot-in-the-door can be explained this way: most people hate saying no to requests, especially when these requests come from people that they are familiar with. Think back to the last time that someone you know asked you for something. What was your response? If you said yes, how did it make you feel? You likely felt charitable and useful in that you were able to alleviate a need that the other person had. If you said no, and you should if you have reasons to, you probably did not feel very good about it afterward. It is human nature to want to help and avoid confrontation. If you help people, you are more likely to perceive yourself as a good person who does good deeds for the well-being of others. The theory of self-perception has been explained in detail by a social psychologist named Daryl Bem, who in the simplest terms put forward the argument that we are what we do, or at the very least, we think we are what we do. As such, the foot-in-the-door technique rides on the fact that most people want to think they are good people and will go to great lengths to do what they consider good, so that they may appear as so. The foot-in-the-door technique, abbreviated FITD, is a tactic that is often used by salespersons all over the world. The work of a salesperson involves a whole lot of persuasion and manipulation. Most people do not set out of their houses in the morning with the intention of purchasing anything unless they had already planned for it. This holds true for the majority of the population with the exception of impulse buyers. As such, the work of a salesperson lies largely in convincing a person that they need to buy a product, even though this may not necessarily be the case. Enter FITD. Suppose you were walking in a mall one Friday afternoon and this salesman walked up to you with a product that they wanted to sell to you. If the product is highly priced, you’ll most likely wave the salesman away because this is a stranger asking for too much, and you are not obliged to buy. If the salesman is smart and experienced though, they might guilt you into buying the product by

first offering a sample. Once you have partaken in the sample, you will feel a sense of indebtedness to the salesman. You are more likely to consider making a purchase after getting a taste of the sample. It is not just salespersons that have perfected the art of using the FITD technique. Charities and other non-profit organizations have realized that they are likely to get more donations if they first start with a smaller ask. For instance, a charity organization might request for donations of $5 for a particular cause, and then, later on, ask the donors if they’d like to increase this amount. When approached in this manner, many donors are likely to agree to this increment as opposed to asking for an outright huge figure straight away. The extreme opposite of the foot-in-the-door technique is referred to as the doorin-the-face technique or DITF for short. The door-in-the-face method involves asking for a huge favor and then downsizing this to a smaller request. This way, the person you are asking will think that you are willing to compromise and will also be likely to compromise and accept your request. The idea is to have an initial request that is huge and unreasonable that the other party must turn it down. They will metaphorically slam the door in your face and refuse your request. You will thereafter proceed to (again metaphorically) knock on the door with a lesser request which the other party will feel is a more reasonable ask that they can accommodate. How to be successful with the FITD and DITF techniques There are various occasions where you can apply the foot-in-the-door and doorin-the-face techniques. You might make use of these methods when negotiating with your boss for a raise or when you need a colleague to do you a favor. You could also use these techniques in your personal relationships with your friends and family. There is always an opportunity to get what you want if you play your cards right. In order for the FITD and DITF techniques to be successful, you

have to ensure that you get some facts right. For starters, you have to determine what constitutes a small, reasonable request. Small is relative, and what may be reasonable to one person might be completely unreasonable to another. Unless you are working with a group of people who have similar priorities, you might find yourself having to readjust your request to fit a specific individual. For instance, a supervisor at work might be hoping to get the employees to put in some additional hours for the benefit of the company. For some employees, an appropriately reasonable request might be staying on after working hours while others would prefer coming in earlier than usual. You must understand what will fly as a reasonable request and then position this appropriately. The same logic applies to when you are determining what is a huge request that is likely to be turned down. If you are using the door-in-the-face technique and the person you are speaking to somehow miraculously agrees to the request, you can consider yourself very lucky and abandon your techniques, until another time. Or you might want to push the envelope and escalate to an even bigger ask and see how much the other person is willing to offer you. After making your initial request, you will then follow this up with a larger request (in the case of FITD) or a smaller request (in the case of DITF). In everyday conversation, this typically happens immediately after the first request has been accepted or turned down. Examples of foot-in-the-door technique in real life Example #1 You run a YouTube channel where you talk about your passion for cooking and all things pastry. At the end of every video, you ask your viewers to subscribe to your channel. You realize that your subscriber numbers have grown, so now you start asking for your subscribers to share your channel with their friends. Before long, you have a project you are undertaking and start asking for donations.

(Your requests are becoming bigger and bigger. The community you have built around you and the relationship you have with them ensures that your requests are likely to be honored than turned down). Example #2 You notice your colleague going to the printers. You had sent some documents to the printing room that you need collected. You ask your colleague whether she would do you the favor of collecting said document from the printing room. Your colleague says yes. You follow this up with another request--could she also please drop the printed document at the mailroom for delivery to the client? Your colleague shrugs and says yes. Since she said yes to your first request, she might as well say yes to the second. She’s a good person and is just helping out a colleague, she thinks to herself as she walks away. Example #3 A manipulative son who would rather spend the day drinking and doing drugs instead of looking for a job decides to ask his mother for a loan. At first, it is only $500. It is for groceries and other utility bills, he tells his mother. His mother takes pity on her son and wires the $500 the next day. Two weeks later, the son has another emergency. This time he needs $1000. The mother shrugs. This is her dear son who has come by tough times, she argues. She already helped with the $500. She might as well help with the $1000. After all, he did promise that it was a loan that he would pay back. She sends him the $1000. (Whether he repays the money or not is a story for another day). Examples of door-in-the-face technique in real life Example #1 You have been dating your boyfriend for five years and your anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. Your boyfriend is not the kind of partner that plans romantic surprises. Instead, he prefers to plan well in advance and with

your input. He asks you where you’d like to go to celebrate for your anniversary. You know exactly where you’d like to go, but you also know that he will say that particular place is expensive. So, you mention that you’d like a trip to Bali because you’ve always wanted to go there. Unfortunately, Bali is not in the cards for you because your finances are not aligned with the destination. You, being the good girlfriend that you are, agree to go to place X which is where you initially wanted. You’re happy, and your boyfriend is happy because he has said yes to you after turning down your initial request. You just used the door-in-theface technique to get the anniversary gift of your dreams. Example #2 You have been working at your company for two years now and feel that it is about time you got a raise. You work up your confidence and head into your boss’s office. You want a 5% raise, but that is not what you ask for when you walk in. At first, you make a request that you know your boss will turn down: you want your annual salary increased by 15%. Your boss says no, and you negotiate down to 5%. You leave the boss’ office happy and wishing that you had asked for the raise earlier.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Mirroring Technique In the world of psychology, there is a phenomenon referred to as neuro-linguistic programming or NLP for short. The premise of NLP is that you can program yourself and other people to create a connection between your mind and sense (or the nervous system), language and behavior. In short, you can control your subconscious mind and the subconscious minds of others through conscious action. NLP techniques are designed to help you gain control over other people’s minds without them noticing. In order to better understand neuro-linguistic programming, it is important to look at the core areas touched by this model.

NeuroThe neuro part of the NLP refers to the nervous system. The nervous system is composed of the mind and our senses. Your nervous system is what helps you make sense of the world when interacting with it. The way you interact with your environment influences the way your nervous system functions. For instance, if you listen more keenly, you are more likely to understand what is being said. If you are more observant, you will see more things in your immediate environment, including in the people around you. Linguistic This refers to language. Language does not just refer to whether you are communicating in Spanish, Italian or English. Language is more complex than that. Language also refers to the tone of voice, choice of words, and even speed with which the speaker is communicating. Paying attention to all the aspects of language will help you become a better communicator and understand people more because you have more information at your disposal. Programming In the simplest terms, programming in NLP refers to the habits that we form. As human beings, we condition ourselves in various ways. These ways become the habits that we are used to. NLP teaches how to ensure that the habits you form are useful and beneficial to you as a person in your life and in your everyday interactions. Yes, you can consciously choose to have better habits as a person. You only need to train your mind on how to pick up the good practices and keep at it for a while. It has been said that it takes approximately 21 days to break a habit and 66 days for a new one to be enmeshed in your psyche. With this in mind, you can see that it is entirely possible to replace all your bad habits with

better ones. The way you experience the world is different from the way the next person experiences the same world, even though you are standing next to each other. By applying neuro-linguistic programming, you can choose the reality you want for yourself, and even influence other people’s realities without them ever noticing. Neuro-linguistic programming relies on various techniques, including mirroring. Mirroring is one of the simplest yet most effective NLP technique that you can use to get what you want from people. As the name suggests, mirroring involves mimicking the behaviors of the person you are communicating with in the most subtle way, but with profound results. The person that you are mimicking must not know what you are up to. If they do, you will not achieve any results, and you might even earn a good slap on your face. To effectively carry out the mirroring technique, you must first pay attention to various aspects of the person that you intend to manipulate. The aspects in question are their body language, vocabulary choice, speech patterns and even the tone and tempo of their voice. These are what you will be mimicking with the intention of getting what you want from this person. The objective of mirroring is to create a rapport and a sense of sameness with the other person. Often, fear manifests itself in us if we determine that something or someone is different from who we are. In the absence of these differences, fear is also absent. When someone does not feel fearful of you, they are open to you and will most likely be open to doing what you require them to do. This might perhaps be the reasoning behind the saying ‘when you go to Rome do as the Romans do’. In manipulation terms, this would be: when in Rome, mirror the Romans. There is an advantage to be gained when someone considers you to be similar to them. If you travel to a foreign country, you are likely to be regarded as less of a threat if you speak the local language. As often as you can, always try to blend in with your target. Mirror them and make them less fearful of you.

Mirroring is an especially effective seduction technique that has earned many people second dates and long-term relationships and everything in between. Psychology says that when you like someone you tend to subconsciously mirror their actions. When they touch their neck, you might find yourself touching yours too. You probably will not notice this, and manipulation might be the last thing on your mind at that point. However, you can use this well-known fact to your advantage. Mirroring a potential sexual partner makes them feel that you understand them. Once a person feels understood and not judged, they are open with you and open to the possibility of being with you in a more intimate manner. When it comes to seduction, it is important to note that mirroring does not work on its own. You have to pepper it with some bits of flirtatious touching otherwise you might find yourself firmly in the friend zone. The idea is to let the other person know that you understand them while also making them aware of the fact that you find them sexually attractive. You are sort of a therapist and a lover all rolled into one.

The Illusion of Choice The illusion of choice is a concept that states that human beings are happier if they believe that they have control over their actions and decisions. Most people do not like to be told or forced to do something in a way that leaves them with no choice. For instance, an employee who is told to work overtime will likely be resentful even though they were initially open to staying overtime on their own will. If you force your kid to take swimming classes, they will attend the classes sulkingly even if they actually like swimming. On the other hand, if you allow the same kid to decide whether they want to go to swimming classes, they will have a happier time at their classes. A great way of manipulating someone is by presenting them with what seems like a choice, even though it is not really one. This is the entire premise of the illusion of choice. You have to make people think that they chose for themselves. Otherwise you will be faced with resentful and rebellious individuals who are not eager to help you.

So, how does one successfully execute manipulation through the illusion of choice? The first thing you need to do is determine what you need this person to do for you. Most manipulators have pre-determined targets and agenda even before they do the actual groundwork of approaching their victims. Armed with this information, approach your target and give them two or more options to choose from, including what you actually need done. You should make sure the other options are so unreasonable that they are likely to be rejected by whoever receives them. For example, if you are the boss, you might ask your staff whether they want to work overtime on weekdays or come into work on Sundays. Most people will prefer to work longer hours during the weekdays as opposed to coming to work when they should be relaxing along, or with friends and family. At least, this is what you are counting on. When you take on this approach, you are letting your targets think that they have some control over the situation when in fact they do not. You already knew what choice they would make and made it for them beforehand--in making their “choice” they only agree to do what you already knew that they had to do. This is how you get people to do what you need them to do without seeming controlling. In their minds, you allowed them to choose; in your mind, you know you did not. If you have kids, the illusion of choice can be an especially effective tool at getting them to do what you want. Kids--toddlers and teenagers alike--tend to think that they are smarter than their parents and will want to argue out every instruction that they are given. If you are struggling with this, consider presenting your arguments as choices. Instead of telling your teenager to take after-school swimming classes, ask them whether they would like to go to dance class or swimming class. You will see them trying to figure out this decision

because in their minds they are in control and about to make a big decision. In your mind, you already know that your teenager has two left feet and would never step in a dance class, and the only sensible option would be the swimming classes. There will be a lot less yelling in your house if you use this approach to get your kids to do what you want. At the same time, you will be teaching them a thing or two about decision-making and independence. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Guilt-tripping and Punishment Guilt is one of those emotions that has been labeled as useless, and yet it continues to be an effective tool for the manipulator. Nobody is born with the emotion of guilt. Instead, guilt is a reaction that is learned over time. In the case of manipulators, guilt is effective in making targets do the bidding of the manipulator. It is such a powerful tool because it is something that the target carries with them even in the absence of the manipulator. The manipulator just needs to plant the seed of guilt in the target and let the seed grow until the target acquiesces to their demands. In many cases, the manipulator will set an expectation that the target has to live up to. If this expectation is not met, the guilt-tripping commences. Often, the manipulator will bring up instances where he has been ‘well-meaning’ and ‘helpful’ to the target and then wonder out loud why the target finds it so hard to do the same for him.

If you are looking to guilt-trip someone into getting what you want, you must

first understand the very important components of a guilt trip, which include: you must first determine that the other person cares about you enough to be bothered by the fact that you feel hurt or disappointed. Guilttripping will never work with someone who does not hold you in high regard. play the victim role to perfection. Bring up other instances where this person has let you down in the past. Be dramatic about it. Even if you only felt some slight disappointment, make it seem as if you have never been so disappointed before. guilt-trip only when you have the upper hand. That is, you should not be quick to take someone on a guilt trip if you have done something they can use against you in the near past. For instance, if you catch your partner cheating, you cannot guilt trip them if you were caught cheating the previous month. (This is just an example; if you are both constantly cheating you might want to count your losses and move on). remind the person of how good you have been to them, so that they feel even more guilty, and as if they are in great debt and need to repay your good deeds. Human beings are wired to want to repay the good deeds done to them, and more so when they feel guilty. do not allow yourself to be guilt-tripped in return. If the other person brings up any wrongdoing on your part, deflect this attempt and deny any accusations that they might have. You might even want to be a bit more dramatic and say that you cannot believe they would accuse you of such a thing. You’re the good guy here--so you need to play that role to the end. stir up negative emotions in the other person. Such emotions include sadness, anger, and even pity. When faced with these emotions, the

other party is likely to want to replace them with more positive reactions. They will do this subconsciously as it is human nature. More often than not, you will get what you want because the other person is in pursuit of happier emotions such as joy, relief, and even pride. When guilt-tripping does not work, you can resort to punishing the other person to get what you want. (In itself, guilt-tripping is a form of punishment). There are various other forms of punishment including the silent treatment and even withdrawal of favors and privileges. When a person that cares about your opinion of them gets punished, they will want to cease the punishment immediately by getting back in your good books. When you have such a person pining for your grace, you can get them to do whatever they want. It is important to note that punishment may also be physical or verbal. You can punish someone by lashing out to them verbally or physically. However, this is the absolute form of punishment and should never be meted out on others. Not only is hurting other people in such an inhuman and immoral way, it could also land you in very big trouble. People who resort to physical punishment are often weaklings who do not have the mental ability to subtly influence others. Physical violence is never the answer--whether you are interacting with loved ones or acquaintances. The only time when violence is allowed is when you are disarming a burglar who just broke into your house.

Chapter 4: Becoming a Master Manipulator Besides understanding and implementing the simple and advanced manipulation techniques discussed in the previous chapters, there are other things you must do to become a master manipulator. The way you package yourself is crucial to achieving success when it comes to manipulation. As far as manipulation goes, first impressions matter a whole lot. You must come across as someone who is worthy of getting whatever it is that they want to get out of their manipulative exploits. There are people in this world who have packaged themselves for success by the way they look, talk, dress, walk and such like. This is how you must package yourself if you wish to become successful at manipulating the people around you. In this chapter, we explore the simple ways that you can differentiate yourself from the crowd and stand a better chance of getting what you want out of life and people. Be a good listener You will never learn what you need to know about people if you never listen to what they have to say. When you are a good listener, people trust you because they know you take them and what they have to say seriously. Being a good listener is quite easily one of the simplest ways to gain trust, which is a weapon that every manipulator needs. Once someone has given you their trust, you are halfway to winning them over with any requests that you might have. There are several qualities that distinguish between a good and a poor listener. Good listeners: pay attention to the person that is speaking without paying any mind to distractions such as cellphones maintain eye contact

allow the person to speak without interrupting ask follow-up questions to encourage the other person to continue sharing listen to understand, and not to respond ... ...but when they respond, they do so appropriately and empathetically Besides the qualities listed above, you can also work on other aspects of conversation with the intent of becoming a good listener. For instance, not only do you need to pay attention to what the other person is saying but you must also be mindful of what they are not saying. That is, you must watch out for the nonverbal cues in terms of their body language, tone of voice, gestures and facial expressions. A person might say that they are fine, but their facial expression says they are in pain and in need of reassurance. Being aware of this conflict in what they are saying versus what they are actually feeling and stepping in to help establishes a trusting relationship between the two of you.

To become a better listener (or at least come across as so), you must also practice the mirroring technique in your conversations. For more details on this, see chapter 3 where neuro-linguistic programming has been discussed in depth. While you might not necessarily be very interested in what the other person has to say and are only looking for them to stop talking so that you can advance your agenda, this must never show on your face. Disinterest kills trust. If a person realizes that you are ingenuine in your sympathy, they will not be willing to open up to you again. You will have lost their trust and in essence, your power over them. If you feel your eyes glazing over as the person continues to speak and speak, consider interjecting politely with a reassuring, warm hug or kind words. This will allow you a breather so that you can restart the conversation afresh. As mentioned before, being a good listener enables you to gain the trust of the other person. But that is not all. There are various other ways in which being a good listener is beneficial to the manipulator, including allowing you to gather

important information about a person. Such information includes knowing what they care about and what is important to them. Once you know what matters to someone, you can manipulate them as long as you dangle their priorities like the proverbial carrot. Turn your flirt on Flirting is an art form that will never go out of style. When two people flirt, they are engaging in a sort of mating dance whose outcome is still unknown. When is the last time you flirted? How did it make you feel? For some people, being flirty comes naturally and effortlessly. For others, a lot more effort is required. Regardless of the category that you fall in, you will need to pay attention to flirting and how it can help you get access to the things you want in your life. First things first, what is the big deal about flirting? Even before going into the science of it, flirting is fun. Getting this kind of attention from an attractive stranger or even a long term lover feels good and is something that you more likely to appreciate than not. The science behind it is just as simple: flirting is the best way to say you are attracted to someone without actually saying the words. By creating an image in their head (that they are attractive), you create an expectation that they have to live up to. Essentially, you are manipulating them into being an attractive person and doing attractive things such as being charming and agreeable. This is more so if the other person is attracted to you and feels a need to be liked by you, or at least come across as fun and easygoing. Flirting releases feel-good hormones which make the other person more receptive to you and your ideas and demands. If you up the ante with some physical contact, you will be well on your way to getting exactly what you want from this other person. Later on, in this chapter, you will read why physical contact is such a powerful tool that can be applied to various scenarios in your daily life.

Unfortunately, flirting doesn't always come easily to everyone. When executed incorrectly, flirting can be painfully awkward. Flirting is a delicate balance of letting the other person know that you find them attractive without coming on too strongly to the extent of making them uncomfortable. There is a proper way and an improper way to flirt. Here’s how to flirt properly: Make sufficient eye contact with the other person. Gazing into another person’s eyes without being creepy gets half the work done. It really is true that the eyes are the windows of the soul. Make sure you make good use of these windows to gain access to the things you want. Smile. Give your best smile and it will more often than not be reciprocated. Talk about yourself without revealing too much because you do not want to come across as the self-absorbed jerk that likes to listen to himself talk about himself. Compliment the other person--appeal to their idealized self-image Use the power of physical contact by gently touching the other person’s safe zone--their upper arm Use your body language to communicate that you are interested in what the other person has to say--this makes them feel important Be sexual without being overbearing--do not use crude jokes and inappropriate humor If you must use cheesy pick-up lines, make sure that these are delivered flawlessly and charmingly Maintain a distance that allows you to be close enough to the other person without excessively intruding on their personal space--your noses do not need to be touching, but you should be close enough to

make subtle physical contact Communicate well and effectively Whether you are flirting or making a presentation in front of a potential client, communication is crucial. The way you communicate is part of the process of getting people to trust you. While some people seem to have been born with superior public-speaking and communication skills, you can still learn on the job. One of the simpler ways to become a more effective communicator is by learning your audience. Once you understand who you are speaking to, you can tailor your communication style and message to suit your listeners. If you want to influence others, you must present your message in a manner that is easily understood, regardless of the extent of your vocabulary. Communicating effectively does not mean that you have to oversimplify your messaging, but you also do not have to bombard your audience with all the big words that you know. Let the person you are speaking to know that you know what you are talking about by breaking down big concepts into understandable bits. Watch out for your gesticulation. Do not let your hands and arms get carried away as it might take away from the objective of your message. Listen to how your audience is responding to you both verbally and non-verbally. You can tell a lot just by looking at someone’s face. If their eyes are opening and shutting you are probably not doing a very good job at this manipulation thing. Also, remember to remain human as you speak. A joke here and there lightens the mood and tells your audience that you are a normal, human and relatable human being who is not opposed to having a laugh from time to time. If you find yourself fumbling with your words, consider first presenting the key takeaway of your message and then break this down into smaller bits. This approach is known as the Minto or McKinsey Pyramid Principle. In following with the design of the pyramid, this principle has a heavy bottom and a lighter

top. This is because the idea is to have a main message and supporting details underneath. Master your emotions Master manipulators are not at the mercy of their emotions. Instead, they have learned how to master their emotions and be in control, thus allowing themselves to think rationally while utilizing their mind instead of their feelings. If you are not in control of your emotions, you’ll find yourself getting angry, sad and even frustrated in the course of your relationships. Such loss of control will be detrimental to your objective of having the upper hand. Learning how to control your emotions is a process that requires time and practice. You will not wake up one day and be a happy, confident person that never gets angry or sad. It is not an overnight process.

To control your emotions, you will need a period of time to go through the motions of recognizing your emotions and reigning in on them. Train yourself not to react immediately and irrationally to every emotion that presents itself in

your life. Instead, step back and process this emotion by identifying what triggered it and what solutions you can apply to alleviate this trigger. For instance, if you get angry whenever someone makes a particular comment about you, you might want to go back and understand why this comment upsets you so much. Once you work on the root cause, you can thereafter start the process of being unbothered by such a comment. In certain other instances, you might want to think of your relationships as business transactions where nothing should be taken personally. Detaching yourself from people will mean having fewer emotions to deal with as you will no longer be affected by their opinions about you. Instead, you will look at them from a benefits point of view where you take what you need and then go on your merry way. If you come across as the emotionally stable guy who can control himself in any situation, people will begin to trust you a little bit better. This is a handy advantage to have over others when you are trying to manipulate them subtly. Timing and opportunity No matter how good of a manipulator you are, you will never be successful if you do not get your timing right. There are instances where your tactics will not work, and not because they are not good enough, but because your timing is off. It is important to know when your target is more susceptible to manipulation, and when they just do not have the time to deal with you. Identifying the right opportunities will guarantee you far more success as opposed to going about the process haphazardly. Why do you think retail stores have sales at particular times of the month? They know that at this time their customers have the money and are ready to be manipulated aka indulge in some shopping. Choosing a time that is most convenient for your target will yield better results for you. Consider this: you are trying to relax on the beach when this salesperson

comes to you trying to sell you something. What are you likely to say? If you are a normal human being that likes their alone time and does not take well to vacation intruders, you will send the salesperson on their merry way--complete with a cuss word or two. What this salesperson does not know (besides proper etiquette) is that they chose the very worst of times--a time that was not convenient for you. As such, you will be looking to get rid of them and whatever they have to sell as swiftly as possible. There are times in the day when you are likely to hear “yes” more often than “no”. It is important to identify these times and then work them to your advantage. Sometimes, the issue of convenience is ignored, and it becomes a matter of vulnerability. A person who is tired is less likely to put up a fight. A boss who is rushing to catch a flight might be more inclined to say yes to your question so that they can be done with you and head for the airport. When it comes to timing and opportunity, you must balance the facts with your own assessment of every individual situation. Physical contact Physical contact is one of the most powerful tools at the disposal of a human being. A hug from a loved one, a pat on the back by a family member and even a cuddle with someone you are close to can do wonders for the human spirit. Soft, gentle, safe touch is healing to the human soul. It reassures the other party and creates an emotional connection. The firm touch of a masseuse kneading away at your tense muscles if rejuvenating. An innocent brush of the fingers with a stranger or a date might be all you need to know whether they are the one or not. When touched correctly, your body’s stress hormone (cortisol) levels reduce while the happy hormones go up. You might not be aware of these fluctuating hormones, but you will instantly feel happier and lighter when properly touched. It is no wonder that merely hugging a loved one can take away all your worries

instantly. In this state of happiness--and less cortisol cruising around their body-a person is not in flight or fight mode anymore and will likely comply with your requests. If you are trying to make someone feel safe and secure around you, to the point where they can trust you, make use of the power of touch. There are different types of touch. The type of touch you choose will depend on the type of relationship you have with the other party. Seeing that touch is so powerful, it is important to acknowledge the double-edged sword that it is. Your touch can either make someone feel particularly comfortable around you or the exact opposite. The last thing you want to do is creep someone out when all you are trying to do is get them to agree to work your shift for you. Here’s the proper way to use physical contact to your benefit: Watch their body language for signs that your touch will be wellreceived. Such signs include an upright posture coupled with a happy or neutral facial expression. If the person has a negative facial expression and seems to be hunched over, walk away. Such a person will not take kindly to your touching. There is a safe zone for touching someone that is not well-known to you. This safe zone is the region between the elbow and shoulder. Any touch within this area is likely to be well-received, especially if you already determined that their body language is open to it. Consider touching this safe zone while shaking the other person’s hand, as it would be awkward to just walk up to someone and touch their upper arm. To properly touch someone, it must seem as if your action was entirely unplanned and spontaneous. The last thing you need is someone noticing that you planned to touch them because this would come across as creepy and awkward. Make your technique so swift

and smooth that your touch comes and goes like a whisper in the wind. Do not touch and linger; touch and let go, in the most seamless execution that you can master. This is the difference between being a charming and affectionate guy and being the creep that everyone avoids. Be confident when touching a person. People can tell if you are insecure about what you are doing, and this not only puts them off, but it also makes them incredibly uncomfortable. If you want to touch someone in order to make them compliant with your request, go for it without hesitation. Make it seem as if you have been touching people all your life. Remember that lack of confidence can show itself in your body language, so make sure you have taken care of this as well. Stand tall and exude confidence--then touch your target. Smile as you touch your target. By touching this person, you are showing yourself to be open to them and willing them to be open to you. The rest of your body must communicate this. Do not touch someone while wearing a sour face, as this will come off as aggressive. Smiling makes you look more warm, welcoming and open, and your target will think that you are just a happy person who likes to be affectionate.

Fear and Manipulation Why is fear such an effective tool in manipulation? Why do companies like to threaten you into compliance by asking you to buy something before stocks run out when they know full well that they have an entire warehouse of products? Why do manipulators like to instill fear in their victims? Fear is a negative emotion whose presence in the body inhibits rational decision making. Here’s why: When you are scared, there are only two thoughts on your mind: fight or flight. Nothing else. You really do not have the mind to start engaging in critical thinking or anything of the sort. Being scared or anxious sends your body into survival mode, and when you are in survival mode, you will choose one of two options that make the most sense to you. The neuroscience behind this is critical to understanding what makes fear such a favorite tool for manipulators. When your entire bodily systems are in that flight-or-flight response mode, your critical thinking circuitry is bypassed. In short, your brain does not have the intention to start processing the tiny details at the moment. So, instead of utilizing the more analytical neocortex to think, you rely on the primitive limbic system. Later on, when you are in a more relaxed state, your critical thinking capability is activated, and you start to wonder why you made that particular decision when in fact there were other options to explore. At all times, be careful of anyone who cries wolf. They might be trying to distract you from the other options that are available to be explored in your decision-making. At the same time, you must take advantage of the opportunity presented by fear to influence other people. There are various ways of taking advantage of fear in situations. For a start, you can exaggerate a situation and make it seem far worse than it is. Let’s say you are a manager and you catch this

one employee skipping work without official leave. It’s a slow day anyway, and there’s not much work to be done--but they know they should not be skipping work, and you intend to take full advantage of this situation. What to do? For a start, you need to make this seem like the biggest deal of the century. How dare they hide from work and expect to receive a paycheck at the end of the month? Do they know what would happen if this got to the other bosses? You might even want to mention that they have put you in a really awkward position by engaging in such a foolish act. Now that you have got your employee shaking in their boots (assuming that they really need the job and the paycheck) ask them whether they would be willing to work the weekend shift to make up for this lost time, in exchange for a slap on the wrist. The employee will most likely say yes. They have not had time to even come up with a good lie because their minds are in flight or fight mode. You’ll then go on about your day happily knowing full well that you do not have to work the weekend shift and can instead spend the day doing what you truly enjoy. Aside from exaggerating the truth, you can instill fear by spreading blatant lies. This approach has worked since time immemorial and continues to be effective to date. Using the same example of a manager, let’s assume you have noticed that the employees are slacking in their duties, including coming in late for work and generally being lazy. You have tried all means to motivate them, and nothing seems to be working. What can you do? Consider this: find the one employee with the loosest mouth and let it slip that there will be an impromptu performance review by management sometime soon. This loose-lipped employee will do the legwork for you and ensure that the entire rumor mill knows what’s about to happen. You will begin to notice that your employees are working harder and coming to work earlier because they are fearful of the consequences of facing management. Fear in manipulation works best where the party that is being manipulated stands to lose or miss out on something. You must determine that whatever carrot you

are dangling in front of your victim is worth their attention. Otherwise there will be no interest and consequently, no success in your manipulation efforts. If you know what makes someone tick, you will always know what buttons to push to make them fearful.

Chapter 5: The Rules of Manipulation Every game has its own rules, and the case is no different when it comes to the game of manipulation. For you to be successful at manipulation, you must understand the techniques behind the game, and the rules that govern the game. Manipulation takes years to perfect, and you can be certain that there are some unspoken and unwritten rules that you have to follow if you want to get better at it. These rules have been followed by some of the best manipulators to ever exist, and with great results. In no particular order, here are the top rules of manipulation that you need to be well-versed with: Rule #1: You must define your target and read them well Before you set out to influence someone with the intention of benefitting from this persuasion, you must first understand whether that particular person fits the bill correctly. Just as brands identify their target markets and create customer profiles, you must equally identify your target and create a profile for them. This way, you can easily find a person or persons that are well-placed to further the agenda you have on your mind. Once you have found this particular person, you must thereafter read them well to gauge whether they are catching any whiff of your manipulation. If at all you notice that the other party is suspicious of your intentions, count your losses and call it a day. Abandon ship immediately. The last thing you want is someone who is distrusting of you from the get-go. Rule #2: Do not sever relationships immediately after fulfilling your need Nobody likes to feel used. If you are hoping to fly under the radar as far as your manipulation goes, you must be willing to invest a little more of your time and energy in relationships even after getting what you want. Consider the typical example of a guy who woos a girl and makes her feel special and loved for all of

three months, only to sever all ties and cut communication after getting what he was after. This guy manipulates the girl into giving up her cookie by letting her think that he cares for her as a person and leaves immediately. The girl then realizes that the guy manipulated and used her for his own benefit. She is hurt and distrusting of the guy and will never allow him back in her life, that is if she is smart enough. The downside of this approach is that the guy will never get a chance to get what he wanted for a second time (should the need arise) and he also damages his reputation among the girl’s circle of friends (meaning he loses out on other opportunities). Guys who use this approach are often not very experienced manipulators and think that they have an endless supply of potential targets to fish from anyway. The truth is that anyone who is experienced in the world of manipulation will tell you that you will go far if you operate undetected. It could be as simple as this--when you get whatever information that you needed from someone, throw them off by asking a couple more inconsequential questions. This hides your tracks, and they will be none the wiser once the conversation has ended. In fact, they will not even remember the very important details that they shared with you, because you hid this well in the middle of the conversation. Rule #3: Be as you wish to seem People who carry themselves with an air of authority will often have authority handed over to them. It is human nature to trust the alphas to lead the way. If you present yourself as a person who can take a leadership role in their stride, this leadership role will soon come to you. There are individuals who often seem to get everything handed over to them. For some, this is pure luck. For many others, they worked for it behind the scenes. Sometimes, you do not even have to say anything to manipulate other people. Sometimes, your presence is enough. If

you package yourself correctly, your presence is enough to intimidate people into giving you what you want. If looking confident and ready to lead is not your forte, practice your confident walk and confident pose in front of the mirror until you get it right. Leaders do not walk while hunched over and seeming weighed by the burdens of the world. Leaders have confident gaits and walk into rooms with their heads held high. Considering that a lot of leaders have to be manipulative to get what they want from everyone around them, you can learn a thing or two from the way they carry themselves. Nobody said you have to be confident right away--you just have to act as if you are. Act like you are in charge and very soon you will be in charge. If you carry yourself as the manager-in-waiting in front of your boss, very soon they will have no choice but to make you manager. Rule #4: Do not get attached The people who are highly skilled at manipulation know that getting attached only complicates matters. It is more difficult to take advantage of a person that you care about as opposed to someone you feel no emotional connection towards. The reason why sociopaths have such an easy time manipulating their victims is because they do not feel any sort of empathy or emotional connection towards anybody. Once you start getting attached to a person, you will worry about them and their well-being to the point where it becomes impossible to manipulate them. Do yourself a favor and do not become attached to your target. If you are not a sociopath, you might have a hard time staying detached. Fortunately, there are tips you can use to ensure that you keep everyone who is a potential victim at arm’s length until you get what you want, without them knowing that they are actually being distanced. One of the things you will need to do is ensure that you are not sharing the emotional aspects of yourself with the other person. For instance, do not allow them to see you during your vulnerable

times unless you are putting on a show to advance your agenda. Do not open up about who you really are to your target. Make them assume you are this other person by sharing tidbits of yourself that are neither crucial nor even true. Stay in control and never falter. This is the way you will stay detached thus allowing yourself to gain the most from the relationship. Rule #5: Trust no one The whole point of manipulation is to win the other person’s trust to the extent that they do what you want them to do for you. If you really want to be successful in manipulation, you must ensure that you do not become the target of manipulation unknowingly. This means that you must not trust anybody that you come across, regardless of how legitimate they or their claims seem. Always take everything you are told with a pinch of salt. Do not divulge your secrets to anybody. If you feel overwhelmed carrying around secrets, go find a secluded trail and shout the secrets out into the wind. Or write in a journal. Do not confide in anybody about your manipulation exploits. This is how manipulators get outed. Rule #6: Do not get cocky Just because you have manipulated two or more people into giving you what you want does not mean that you can wiggle your way out of or into any situation as you wish. True, a majority of people can be easily manipulated without knowing it. However, thinking everyone is putty in your hands is only going to make you less careful, and that’s how you get caught. Approach every situation as a learning opportunity where you are gathering all information there is about a particular person and environment before diving right into your manipulation. People who think they are smarter than everyone else make dumb decisions thinking they will not get caught. Do not copy-paste your tactics across multiple

people, especially when these are in close vicinity of each other. For instance, if you are lying to get something out a person, do not duplicate the same lie to someone in their social circle. If your car broke down last week and you did not have the cash to repair it, it will begin to look suspicious if your car breaks again and again for the next few weeks. In a situation where you are trying, for instance, to get money from people, you will need to come up with something original every time. Rule #7: Educate yourself This book has outlined various ways in which you can use the tools at your disposal--such as physical touch and a charming smile--to get what you want. These tools are effective and have served people since time immemorial. However, you cannot rely solely on your looks or body to get what you want. Yes, this works for some people, but it does not work for everyone. If you want to be really good at manipulating people, invest in your education. Investing in your education does not necessarily mean going back to college. Investing in your education, in this case, refers to thirsting for knowledge. Many people who have manipulated their way into history books (see Chapter 7 for further details) had a good head on their shoulders. They made sure they learned the environment and the people around them, and then went a step ahead and stayed on top of important information and knowledge. For instance, if you are trying to pass yourself off as a corporate guru, you must learn how corporate works. You could do this by reading books, watching videos or even making friends in the corporate world. People tend to trust smart people. If you come across as slow or dumb, nobody is going to have the time to allow themselves to be manipulated by you. Educate yourself so that you can know your facts and know them well. Being smart is a confidence booster, and it also confuses the people who are less smart than you. You can work these two angles

to get what you want from such people. Rule #8: When caught, stop lying Sometimes, people will catch on to your lies and start asking questions. Getting caught in a lie can be very embarrassing, especially when your entire reputation is at risk. For many liars, getting caught lying is an opportunity to lie some more. This is however detrimental in many ways. For starters, you run the risk of completely invalidating yourself and your legitimacy. Secondly, trying to defend yourself from a lie come across as, well, defensive. Guilty people tend to be very defensive. Do not fall into this trap. Also, coming up with additional lies on the spot while being questioned can also ruin your entire story. This is why a lot of liars tend to change their stories when questioned --they simply cannot remember what cover-up lie they told in the first place. Master manipulators know that when you are caught lying, you need to stop lying and instead bend the truth just a little. Appeal to your interrogator by mentioning things that make you seem more trustworthy to them. For example, if you know that your interrogator is religious, you could claim that you are religious and would never tell lies because it is against your belief system. Whatever makes you look a less terrible and more trustworthy person should be used to exonerate you from your lies. In fact, this is your chance to distance yourself from liars and claim your innocence by bending the truth ever so slightly so that it is still true but beneficial to you. Rule #9: Do not be predictable To be good at manipulation, you must act like just another regular guy who is good at his job, and yet maintain an air of mystery about you. Do not make it possible for other people to predict your every move. Once you become predictable, you become boring and susceptible to deception. Every once in a

while, change up the way you do things so that you can throw off any observers. Do not reveal too much information about yourself to others. Do not divulge details of your plans, future or present, and learn to share other sensitive information on a need-to-know basis. Be careful when determining who needs to know what. You should first gauge the motivation behind a person’s questioning before revealing yourself to them. And even then, offer information in a way that makes it look like you are transparent even though you really aren’t. When someone asks a question, hide the answer in the midst of several statements. Cover the answer with various other useful sounding (but typically useless) information and let the other person do the digging. It will throw them off your back. You come across as a person who is forthcoming when in reality you are the complete opposite. Rule #10: Never underestimate the enemy Yes, you are a smart guy or girl that is capable of manipulating people to get what you want, but never make the mistake of assuming that you are the smartest in the room. Making this assumption results in you being sloppy. When you become sloppy, you get caught. For instance, if you are telling lies, you need to make sure they are smart lies. Any lies that sound stupid as it comes out of your mouth will get you caught. Never underestimate the enemy--people are easy to manipulate, but they are also smart. One day someone will step back and observe you, and if what you are saying and doing doesn’t make sense, your game will be up. Do yourself a favor and think of the enemy as a smart chess opponent, then make your best move. Rule #11: Make yourself indispensable To succeed in influencing people, it is important to make them need you to the point where they cannot do away with you. At the workplace, the employee who

demonstrates superior skills has the upper hand when it comes to influencing the people around them. After all, the people around them know not to upset this employee as they are helpful and handy when there is a particular problem to be solved. This kind of employee will have an easier time manipulating the boss to give him or her a raise because the boss is afraid to lose them. Whether in a professional or personal setting, you must ensure that you always remain an asset. As long as you have something to offer, you will always be relevant, and when you are relevant, you can influence the people around you into giving you what you want. Rule #12: Do not be afraid to make enemies Yes, this book advocates for charm because you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. However, even the most charming people have their enemies. You really cannot be everybody’s buddy. There is always going to be that one person who is opposed to you, your ideas and everything that you stand for. This person is sometimes disguised as a friend and in other cases is a blatant and unapologetic enemy. The trick is to take all of it in your stride. Enemies are useful in many ways. They teach you how to coexist with people you do not particularly like, and if they are smart, you can learn a thing or two from them. When influencing people, for example at the workplace, there is going to be that one colleague who can sniff your game from a mile off. Or maybe they just do not like the way you wear your hair or the way you park your car. It could be anything, really. This colleague will try to tear down all the progress you have made in influencing your boss and might even come between you and your promotion. Do not be afraid to politely tell-off this colleague when need be. You will make a sworn enemy, but it will teach them that you have boundaries that you do not expect them to cross. You should not be afraid of making enemies. All the great names in history had an enemy or two, and in some cases, millions.

Rule #13: Know when to cut your losses Not every manipulation venture is going to be successful. Some people cannot be swayed. Or maybe, they can be swayed but are not in the position to give you what you need at that time. Sometimes, the need you had at the beginning becomes outweighed by another need. It could even be that the initial target becomes somewhat more complex than you had anticipated. Whether you did not do your homework properly or things changed along the way, it is necessary that you know when to cut your losses and move on. A lot of manipulators have been caught because they got carried away and told one lie too many. Do not get greedy in your methods. Get what you need and then move on to something else. If you realize that this is not happening, sever this non-beneficial relationship and run before you are caught. If you keep doing the same magic trick over and over again, the audience gets bored and very soon you will not have an audience anymore. Spare yourself and learn when to terminate your ‘projects.’ Rule #14: Never be too transparent about your intentions A whole lot of people who are in influential positions do not win over people and get them to do what they want. Why is this so? Well, if you set out with the obvious intention of using other people, you will never really be able to use them. Yes, at the heart of it, you are looking to use other people to further your agenda. But most people are not dumb and will notice this straight away. The best way to disguise your intentions is to show interest in the other person as a human and friend first, before trying to use them. That colleague that you want to manipulate will be more open to your advances if you buy them coffee first and ask about their mother or their cat. This creates the rapport and familiarity that forms the foundation for the manipulation. Most people are always eager to make a dear friend. If you can use this to your advantage, you will be one step ahead of everyone you meet. Once you have invested some time in forming a

friendship, you can thereafter start asking for the favors that you wanted in the first place. Rule #15: Don’t be a jerk Manipulation and persuasion are not an excuse to be a terrible human being. You can go about your life, influencing people and winning them over to your side without being a jerk. This means you have to have some sort of decency about you. You need to be courteous to people, decent and well-cultured in your behavior and mannerisms and you must leave people feeling better, and not worse, about themselves. Being a jerk only calls attention to yourself, and this is the bad kind of attention. Anybody who is a jerk will have a very hard time convincing people to buy their idea. But if you are a nice guy, or at least appear to be, half of the battle is already won.

Chapter 6: Ten-Minute Tips for Manipulation This chapter is for anyone who wants to get their manipulation game on before reading the entire book. Remember, if you want to get the most out of this book, it is important that you read all the chapters. However, if you just got this book on a Sunday and you want to try out some tips and tricks by Monday, this is your go-to chapter. In this chapter, we look at simple ways that you can get what you want easily and faster from other people. Consider this your crash course on manipulation 101.

Tip #1: Change of environment Often times, the environment that you are in can determine how people respond to your requests. In a business environment such as the workplace, it is likely

that your colleague perceives you as rivals or competitors. As such, they might be unwilling to help you out when you ask them for one thing or the other. To get more favorable answers to your requests, consider asking for favors when you are out for drinks or at an office party. Jim from Finance will be more willing to consider your requests to expedite the invoicing process if you ask him after he’s had a few beers at a party as compared to when he is at the office and buried in paperwork. This is because he perceives you as less of a rival when he is having a good time. While at the office breaking his back, Jim considers you as part of the reason why he cannot get home on time. Tip #2: Make it about the other person Here’s the thing--you are looking to learn how to manipulate people for your own gain, but you do not have to make that your selling point. Nobody will be looking to help you advance your agenda if you let it know that this is your objective from the get-go. You are more likely to experience success with manipulation if you instead set out to help the other person, while also looking to help yourself. When a person feels that you have helped them get what they want, they will be more likely to also help you get what you want, be it knowingly or otherwise. Instead of always asking your colleagues or friends for favors, offer your help from time to time. This way, the next time you need something from them, they will likely be willing to help. Tip #3: Speak quickly When people do not understand what you are saying because you are speaking quickly, they will give in to your demands. There are two reasons for this: they might be unable to process what you are saying and do not want to look stupid by asking for clarification, or they do not want to process what you are saying because your energy is overwhelming and they do not want to deal with it. Next

time you need someone to do something for you, walk up to them and give them swift instructions on what you need done, and then walk away. Do not give them too much time to process what you just said. This especially works when you are in an authority position and are giving instructions to your juniors. You are an important person and do not have the time to slowly elaborate every detail. You need them to be quick on their feet to respond to your demands. This is a tactic that salesmen, especially car salesmen, seem to love. By speaking quickly to your customer and rattling off all the details of this and that car, the customer easily becomes overwhelmed and settles on the next choice that is offered. It might not be in the best interest of the customer, but it is definitely in the best interest of the salesman. Tip #4: Dress nicely If you want to make a good impression and gain something from making this impression, you must dress well. Whatever stage you are at in your life, you must make an effort to dress well. Nobody pays attention to raggedly dressed people. The only attention you might get is having people clutch their purses tighter when you approach them. In many stories told about con artists, you’ll hear their victims say how the con artist seemed like a trustworthy person based on how they presented themselves. He looked like a nice guy, they say. You look like a nice guy based on how you present yourself--and clothes have a huge role to play in that. If you want to hear yes more often, invest in some nice clothes and shoes. Keep your hair well-groomed. Buy some nice cologne and maybe a nice watch. The way people treat you when you are well put together is different from how they treat you when you look like you have put zero effort in your overall look. A well-groomed gentleman who smells nice and looks great will have an easier time getting what he wants from a woman as opposed to a

man who looks like he crawled out of a hole. And remember, you do not have to buy designer labels or the most expensive outfits on the planet to make a great impression--you just have to make it seem like you did. If you do not believe that dressing nicely works, consider this--studies have shown that males who show up in court well-dressed and clean-shaven tend to get more lenient sentences. If dressing nicely works to your advantage in a court of law, there is no reason why it will not work in your everyday life. Tip #5: Scare tactics Nobody likes to be caught flat-footed. Human beings have a survival instinct that includes wanting to be prepared against everything and anything that might be harmful to them. In the world of marketing and advertising, the fear of the unknown is used on a daily basis to convince consumers to spend their money on certain products and services. All you need to do is convince the said consumer that there is a very high likelihood that a particular thing will go wrong and that they need to be prepared for this likelihood by buying your product or service. If human beings did not have a fear of the unknown (and the desire to survive the unknown), the insurance business would not exist. If the insurance business has made it so far, you can also ride on scare tactics and convince people that they need you for an elaborate number of reasons. This tactic works really well if you are hoping to manipulate people into accepting a solution that you are offering. It could also work in personal and workplace relationships depending on the context and the angle you work it. Tip #6: Consistency is key There is a saying that goes like this: a person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. This is something that you must always remember when you are trying to step up your manipulation game. You must remain

consistent in your behavior when interacting with everyone around you, regardless of whether that person is your target or not. Consistency is important because you need everyone to think that you are a nice person. If people have conflicting impressions of you based on behavioral mistakes that you have made, the red flags will start to go up. Red flags are the stop signs that will prevent your potential assets and victims from assisting you in furthering your agenda. Stay consistent. Speak the same way to everyone. Let everybody think of you as the charmer who always has a nice thing to say about everyone. You’ll win more people over this way, and once you do, you will have an even larger pool of people to manipulate. Tip #7: Silence is golden Silences make most people uncomfortable. Sometimes, the most effective thing you can do to get information from someone is to remain silent. This way, the other person will be compelled to fill this silence with some talk, thus giving you an opportunity to gather as much information as you want. The trick is to ensure that you say enough so that you encourage them to keep talking. For example, you can repeat the last bit of every statement they make so that they keep on adding more information. An example: I ran into Robert yesterday. Robert? Yes, at the new Chinese restaurant. Chinese restaurant? Yes, the one that opened down the street last month. I was having lunch with a friend. Notice how you have been able to gather additional information without giving anything for in return. You can keep this going for a while, but you do not want

to overdo because then it becomes awkward. Tip #8: Play nice This tip is somewhat related to tip number 6, but also somewhat different. Here’s why: in order to get what you want out of people, you must have the patience to play nice even when you are screaming internally. Even the nicest people have their breaking points, and some people seem to have the talent to push you over the edge. You must be careful to always stay positive and begin your conversations on a positive note even when you are nearing your boiling point. For example, if you want a colleague to do something for you (for example, correct a report that they have messed up on), you’ll want to phrase your statement in a way that absolves them of the majority of the guilt. For instance, instead of telling them that they are a dummy and have mixed up all the numbers, ask them whether they sent the right report and if they would like to take a second look and send another version. This gets you what you want without making the other person feel foolish, and this is exactly what you want as you need to be able to keep getting what you want from this individual. Replace the I don’t think this is right with have you considered…? Tip #9: Carry your cross There are certain things that you can do that will make people automatically assume that you are a good and trustworthy person, even when really you are not. For instance, wearing a cross necklace or rosary will make others assume that you are a well-meaning Christian with good morals. Once people make this assumption about you, they will lower their defenses when around you and you can manipulate them to do as you wish. A lot of men have figured out that the accessories that you carry along with you

can influence the kind of interactions they have with other people (read women). It is for this reason that you will find some men walking their cute dogs (even when they are not really interested in the dog) or taking their pretty nieces along to social events because these two accessories (while not really store-bought accessories) give a great boost to their appeal. A man with either of these two accessories automatically comes across to most women like a decent, nurturing and well-grounded guy who can make a good father to a baby, be it a real one or a fur baby. This might not necessarily be the case, but it is a ploy that has worked for the longest time and continues to be effective to date. This tip does not require you to borrow your nieces or nephews. The point here is that you can create an illusion of who you are by incorporating a few things in your being. Tip #10: Talk that talk If you sound smart, everybody assumes that you are smart. If you are not articulate with your words and like to use filler words like a teenage girl would, nobody is going to take you seriously. Widen your vocabulary by listening to great speakers and reading books. Watch documentaries about important topics so that you can have serious dinner conversations without seeming like you are out of your depth. People tend to trust intelligent-sounding people, and you need to ensure that your smarts earn you this trust. Sounding intelligent has nothing to do with using big words. In fact, the more you use ridiculous sounding words, the lower your credibility dips. Learn to be measured in your intellect. You do not want to use up all your big words in one night. Come the next night, you will have nothing left to use. Tip #11: Put the data aside Some people will never be convinced unless you have a set of data to back up

your claims. Your CEO, for instance, wants numbers and not stories about how you embarked on a marketing campaign that won over customers. Top level management wants to be convinced that you are doing your job by looking at the numbers that you have to show them. However, the vast majority of people don’t care for numbers and prefer stories. If you are speaking in front of an audience, you stand to influence them more if you rely on anecdotes to push your message. Anecdotes lend a personal touch to claims and make you seem more relatable. They humanize your message and win you the trust of the audience. Don’t worry if you have not had enough experiences to have interesting anecdotes--you can always borrow other people’s stories or make up some of your own. It is not a sin to have an imaginative mind. Tip #12: Be unique but also predictable in a relatable way As a manipulator, you want to stand out so that you can be remembered, but you also want to blend in so that you do not arouse suspicion. To achieve this balance, you must ensure that you do what everyday people do. Use clichés, talk about predictable topics like the weather and be generally easy-going. This way, you’ll be just another guy, and there will be nothing unusual about you. You will have plenty of time to advance your agenda, but in the ,meantime, you must perfect your ordinary, decent guy or girl act. Learning to blend in also has the advantage of giving you the protection of a crowd around you, so to speak. When you are just another guy (but who is also smart and charming), you will likely have a social group of individuals who are like you surrounding you in your life. Getting to you will be harder as opposed to when you are that guy that sticks out like a sore thumb. Tip #13: Newbies are easy targets Newbies, be it at the workplace or any situation, are always eager to come help

and fit in because nobody really is a fan of sticking out like a sore thumb. If you have a new intern or colleague at your workplace, this is your lowest hanging fruit as far as getting what you want. You can have this new employee do whatever it is that you want without much resistance. You will, however, have to be careful to not come across as overbearing as you want to be able to use this newbie for as long as you can while having them think that you are looking out for them. In the case of the intern, you can have them perform any tasks that you find unpleasant by disguising it as a learning opportunity. Take them out for pizza once a week, and you will have a faithful servant for as long as their internship lasts. Tip #14: I need your help… The way you phrase a request can mean all the difference between someone doing it grumpily or happily, or not doing it at all. If you are a boss, your employees already know that they need to abide by your rules, and do as you say. However, phrasing your orders and instructions as requests for help will get you better results and make you come across as a likable person. This is exactly the kind of reputation that will be beneficial to you in the future when you need more things done for you. Never feel the need to flex your authority muscle all the time. Everybody knows that you are the boss. They do not need to be reminded all the time. In fact, if you come across as that guy who is in charge but is not drunk with power, you will seem more trustworthy. Political leaders have especially mastered the art of making their constituents think that they are just another buddy, but with a better office. They’ll attend local events and sit with communities to chat and catch up on a cup of tea. This is just a trick to seem more relatable. At the end of the day, the constituents go to their homes convinced that the politician is just another well-meaning husband and father who wants to transform their community. Only

after some years will the constituents realize that they have been duped. Tip #15: It’s all in the name People like the sound of their names, especially when it comes from someone they find attractive or superior to them in one way or another. When meeting someone for the first time, repeat their name as many times as you can without making things awkward. Not only will this make you seem like a nice and likable person, but it will also help you remember their name which comes in handy when you need something from them. At work and in other social situations, address people by their names. Walk up to colleagues and call them by name before asking for favors. Get to know your neighbors’ names and call them as such. You will have created a bond of familiarity just by this simple gesture, and you can count on this bond to come in handy down the road. At the same time, ensure that these people know your name so that they know you as [insert your name] as opposed to knowing you as just a neighbor or colleague. When people feel some form of familiarity towards you, they are less likely to say no to you. Saying no to Liz sounds a whole lot worse than saying no to that girl from accounting. In the first instance, there’s a whole feeling person behind the name. In the latter case, there is this nondescript colleague that you couldn't care less for. So, make sure you know people’s names and ensure they know yours as well. Bonus Tip: Food is your friend People are often in a better and more agreeable mood after they have eaten. It is no wonder that it has been said that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. In the same way, the best way to win over your target is by ensuring they are well-fed and ready to agree with you on your demands. Whether you are

making a presentation in the boardroom or addressing a larger audience, having some snacks will go a long way in getting your job done. A lot of deals have been closed over dinner and drinks, and this should convince you that food is definitely your friend when it comes to winning over the right people. A study was conducted in Israel to determine the times when judges gave more favorable convictions. The outcome of the study--based on 1,000 convictions-was that judges tended to give more lenient sentences early in the morning, or immediately after a scheduled break. The scheduled breaks constituted of lunch and snack breaks. There is an old saying that goes like this: justice depends on what the judge ate for breakfast. In the case of the Israeli study, this saying came to life quite literally. If you do not believe that bringing food works to your advantage, try wooing a woman on an empty stomach. There is a big reason why many first dates are conducted in restaurants--it is easier to convince someone that you are worth a second date and a relationship after they have had the juiciest steak in the entire city.

Chapter 7: Master Manipulators in World History Often, the best way to get better at something is to learn from the people who have excelled at it. Throughout history, there have been characters that have been able to manipulate their way to getting whatever they wanted, be it from one person or from groups of people.

Hanns Scharff During the Second World War, a German interrogator named Hanns Scharff was busy at work. His job as an interrogator involved obtaining information from captured American pilots. While other interrogators had no problem using physical force and abuse to obtain this information from the prisoners of war, Scharff was opposed to the same and utilized other tactics. His tactics were so effective that he would later be called upon to give lectures on his methods. So, what exactly did Scharff do that made him deserve a mention on the list of master manipulators of the world?

For a start, Scharff exploited the prisoners’ fear of the Gestapo to get what he wanted. Back then, the Gestapo was immensely feared. Nobody wanted to be on the wrong side of the Gestapo. Scharff knew this and used this fear to his advantage. He made sure that the prisoners he was interrogating remained fearful of the Gestapo throughout the questioning while making it seem that he was their best advocate against the Gestapo. He told the prisoners that he wanted to help them, but he could only do so if they provided the information he needed. Otherwise, he would be forced to hand over the prisoner to the Gestapo. In using this approach, Scharff got the prisoners thinking that he was their ally and once they felt like they could trust him, they would spill all their secrets to him. Scharff even went to the point of becoming “friends” with the prisoners--which included having conversations regarding other matters outside of the information he needed, bringing them home-made items and even alcohol. He made himself seem relatable by sharing information about himself that made him seem like just another nice, friendly guy who was just doing his job. For example, Scharff liked to mention that he was married to an Englishwoman and was the son-inlaw to a WWII British fighter. Scharff took his prisoners of war on nature walks outside of captivity. He did not shackle them to prevent them from escaping. Instead, he made the prisoners promise that they would not try to escape during the nature walk. During these walks, Scharff preyed on the prisoners’ desire for a listening ear and allowed them to talk about anything and everything without directly interrogating them. In the end, the prisoners would end up volunteering the very information that Scharff was interested in. Highly organized, Scharff kept files on the prisoners of war. In each file, he would write down everything he knew about the prisoner--for reference and interrogation purposes. During interrogation, he would make the prisoner think that the files contained comprehensive information about them, when in fact some of the files did not have anything substantial to go by. Convinced that the

files had all details anyway, the prisoners would often divulge information that Scharff and the Luftwaffe needed-- but did not already have. For his role in effectively obtaining information humanely without torturing prisoners, Scharff has aptly been given the title of “Master Interrogator,” and his methods continue to be relied upon in many interrogation rooms across the world. He is an example of a human being who used his superior intellect and manipulation expertise in a decent manner, even though he did not have the most enviable job or circumstances. Joseph Stalin Joseph Stalin was a leader of the Soviet Union who ruled between the years of 1922 and 1953. Born into a poor family, Stalin utilized his ability to manipulate every situation to his benefit to rise to the ranks of one of the most well-known political figures of all time. While Stalin is unlikely to receive any posthumous awards for popularity, there are several things to learn from his manipulative personality. Stalin was a fierce and feared character who was not opposed to using any means possible to advance his agenda, propaganda and manipulation included. During his reign, he relied on several methods to intimidate his enemies while instilling fear and admiration in equal parts in his supporters. For starters, Stalin was able to present different sides of him in varying situations depending on the audience. He was deceptive and would never allow himself to reveal his true motives or his next move. This way, he kept his detractors guessing and was always one step ahead of everyone. He was a good reader of people and could easily judge how clever and mentally strong a person was, and then determine what to do with the said person depending on how they measured. At the same time, Stalin was also very charming. It has been said that this charm contributed greatly to his ascent to power in the Soviet Union. During his more

relaxed period, Stalin was the social butterfly who liked to crack jokes and have a good time with other people. Stalin was both cruel and kind, depending on the circumstances. On the one hand, he did not have much patience with his associates, especially when they were on his wrong side and on the other, he was a man capable of extending a kind hand to a total stranger. These two strikingly different sides of him made him unpredictable and somewhat of an enigma. While the murders committed during his reign will forever be the big blot in Stalin’s legacy, it is evident that this was a man who was fully in control and capable of manipulating anything and anyone to suit his own agenda. It is no wonder that he managed to hold onto power until the day of his death. Charles Ponzi You know you’ve made your mark in the world when there is something named after you. Unfortunately, sometimes the mark is not all that nice--as in the case of Charles Ponzi and Ponzi schemes. Charles Ponzi was an Italian swindler who managed to scam his victims out of $20 million. In today’s terms, that would be equivalent to over $200 million. Ponzi, a man who had faced his fair share of financial misfortune, decided that he could make money and become a millionaire by robbing Peter to pay Paul. He sold his investors a grand story about how he could get them returns of 50 percent of their investments within 45 days. What his investors did not know was that all of it was a mirage and Ponzi was not, in fact, investing their money anywhere. Instead, he was using the money brought in by subsequent investors to pay the earlier investors. While his business model was not in any way feasible, Ponzi managed to fool his victims and the authorities for over a year before he got caught. Based purely on deceit and manipulation, Ponzi’s scheme did not discriminate as far as his victims were concerned. Ponzi wanted money, for his own benefit, and he was

willing to get it from anyone who could give it to him. He took the money of the rich people of back then and the poorer ones who were struggling with finances. Whenever someone had a question to ask about the feasibility of the scheme, Ponzi was at hand to offer, answer, and sometimes play the victim. In fact, a particular point in time, Ponzi even sued a journalist who had written a story disparaging him and his schemes. From this libel lawsuit, Ponzi was paid $500,000 in damages. This move allowed Ponzi to go about his business without worrying about other people looking into his business. Back then, the law of libel stated that the burden of proof was the responsibility of the writer and his publisher, and so Ponzi diligently exploited this loophole to his advantage. At another instance, Ponzi’s investors showed up at his office, demanding an explanation for the stories that were flying around, and their money back. Ponzi managed to allay the victims’ fears by turning on the charm--he spoke with them and cheerfully handed out doughnuts and coffee and told them that they had nothing to worry about. The truth of the matter is that they indeed had a whole lot to worry about. By the time the scheme came to an end, families had lost entire savings and sank into poverty. Ponzi was not in the least bit remorseful about this. At an interview conducted shortly before his death, Ponzi suggested that even though his investors had lost the money they had, it was worth the show he had put on for them. In his mind, Ponzi was not guilty of fraud--he was only guilty of ‘putting on the best show since the landing of the Pilgrims.’ While Ponzi did not originate the idea of robbing Peter to pay Paul, he certainly made it famous and remains as one of the most well-known con artists of all time. Long after he died, millions of people have fallen victims to other Ponzi schemes, and with dire consequences. Ponzi schemes continue to thrive because of human nature. Human beings are naturally inclined to be selfish and look out for themselves, and sometimes being greedy is a part of looking out for themselves. When sold a Ponzi scheme disguised as an investment scheme, most people will consider all the returns they stand to gain, and how their financial

status can improve as a result. On the surface, many Ponzi schemes are sold as an easy way to make money, while the operations side is shown to be this complex web involving serious decisions and investment and reinvestment. Even those investors who are skeptical at first get sold when they hear of how much work the investment owners undertake in the shadows that they cease their suspicion. Remember that people will agree with something quickly if they do not understand it. A whole lot of investors who have gotten burned did so because they put their money into something they did not understand, simply because a slick “financial guru” went on and on about the investment idea. Ted Bundy The name Ted Bundy is known all over the world and not for good reasons. Born Theodore Robert Cowell, Bundy (named so after his stepfather adopted him) has gone down in the history books as America’s most notorious serial killer. At the time of his execution in 1989, Bundy had an official victim count of 30, even though some quarters believe that this number could be as high as one hundred or more. Ted Bundy carried out his murderous activities in the 1970s and went undetected for a number of years, even as victims continued disappearing and turning up dead. While all this was happening, Bundy kept up with his normal life, acting like any typical guy in his mid-twenties would. He met and dated women, and even convinced them that he was worthy of the investment of a long-term investment. In the end, these women suffered great betrayal because everything had been a lie--Bundy was only manipulating them for his own gain. Even after he was caught, Bundy still tried to manipulate his way out of justice by dangling the information he had about his victims as the proverbial carrot. Bundy mastered the art of playing the victim by putting himself in situations where his victims would empathize with him and come to his aid. This is how he

made contact with many of his victims--by pretending to have a broken arm or leg or needing some other type of help. Bundy was also very charming--which would explain his luck with women. Throughout his life, this serial killer managed to charm several women into dating him, many times concurrently. Being charming is a trait that many manipulators have mastered. It is important for manipulators to come across as charming and likable because this is how they lure their prey. Bundy also knew how to blend it. At a certain point in his life, he worked a suicide prevention hotline, and his colleagues described him as an empathetic man who loved helping others. Obviously, there was nothing empathetic about his man who had no problem taking away the lives of multiple innocent women. If he came across as empathetic, it is because he sold this image for his own benefit. He had to appear as a calm, normal human for him to blend in and easily prey on his victims. While it is obvious that Ted Bundy had multiple other problems including possibly having personality disorders, it is also an agreed-on fact that he was highly manipulative and lived his life while looking out for himself only. Up until the afternoon of his execution, Bundy was still manipulating his way through life by playing the victim. In an interview conducted hours before his execution, Bundy attributed his evil acts to his exposure to violence and pornography as a kid. Later on, it would emerge that he might have been working this angle because his interviewer was a man who was vehemently opposed to pornography. Bundy was obviously was a smart guy who could have used his brain and ability to manipulate to achieve greatness for himself, but instead, he chose to go down the dark road of murder, necrophilia, and various other unmentionable acts. Dee Dee Blanchard

Dee Dee Blanchard is a name that has fascinated Americans and the world alike, especially since 2015 when she was murdered by her daughter’s boyfriend in a murder plot orchestrated by her own daughter. Dee Dee, born Clauddine Pitre, is a woman that managed to fool her community and the entire United States that she had a terribly sick daughter who needed a wheelchair and 24/7 care. The ruse went on for years and years and would never have been discovered had she not met her untimely end thanks to her daughter’s frustration and desire for independence. A little backstory: Dee Dee was a divorced single mom and the sole caregiver of her daughter, Gypsy Rose Blanchard. From an early age, Dee Dee started assigning various ailments to her daughter with the intention of benefitting from the sympathy of friends, family and strangers alike. Confining her capable-ofwalking daughter to a wheelchair since the age of 5, Dee Dee made Gypsy visit over 100 doctors for medical attention. During this period of over twenty years, she gave Gypsy hundreds of medications, some of which were actually detrimental to Gypsy’s well-being and mimicked the ailments that she claimed Gypsy had. Dee Dee was a master manipulator, and nothing was too horrible for her to execute. She ensured she was in full control of her daughter’s life, with no allowance for Gypsy to be a normal girl with her own friends or social life. Even though Gypsy’s father was paying child support to her and visiting Gypsy, Dee Dee ensured that the community’s sympathy was focused on her by telling lies about her ex-husband. This included saying that he was an unsupportive exhusband who was not interested in being in Gypsy’s life. This was a ploy to play victim, thus laying the further groundwork for pity and handouts. When Hurricane Katrina hit the US in 2005, Dee Dee and Gypsy Rose lost their home in the aftermath. However, they weren’t homeless for long as Habitat for Humanity thereafter built them a new house. Dee Dee used the Hurricane’s devastation as an excuse for Gypsy’s missing medical records whenever she

visited a hospital to get Gypsy checked. She was also able to charm her way out of difficult situations with doctors, many of whom could tell that Gypsy was not suffering from any of the chronic ailments that Dee Dee claimed she had. In the end, the fact that Dee Dee had managed to manipulate an entire country for over twenty years was the greatest shock of all. People who were initially sympathetic over her situation quickly started to feel betrayed at this decadeslong deceit. Her ability to cover her tracks for so long earns Dee Dee a spot in the manipulator’s hall of fame. What’s even more unbelievable is that Dee Dee had managed to convince a perfectly healthy child that she was sick. The power and control that she held over her daughter is evident. A normal child with a parent who is not manipulative would have easily opened up to someone about what was happening early on. However, the manipulative hold that Dee Dee had on Gypsy Rose would not allow her to open up to anyone, and when Gypsy finally did open up, it was to an online boyfriend who would later kill her mother. It is clear that Dee Dee had the mind of a highly manipulative individual. It is not every day that one is able to fool millions of people over a period of two decades. Such a ploy requires careful planning and the ability to diligently cover your tracks. The lies that had to be told for this one big lie to continue for so long are obviously massive--and Dee Dee kept track of all of them, or at least had ways to deflect the attention to something else. Of course, there are other factors that might have been at play. At one instance, a doctor suspected that Dee Dee and Gypsy’s problem was Munchausen syndrome by proxy or MSBP for short. Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a form of mental illness where a person fakes the illness of the person under their care, with the objective of benefitting from this deception. The benefit could be in any form including monetary or just attention and sympathy.

Chapter 8: Mistakes Making You Vulnerable to Manipulation If you are reading this book, the chances are high that you are not the best manipulator out there--you are looking to become one or get better. That means that there is a very high likelihood that you are getting manipulated by other people in your daily life. Our interactions with the people around us are often spontaneous. Nobody leaves their house every day with pre-planned conversations, decisions, and answers for every scenario that will arise during the day. Most decisions are made on the fly. In such circumstances, it is very easy to get manipulated by your co-workers, friends, strangers, brands, your boss and just about anyone who makes contact with you. Sometimes, it is the habits that you have formed and the decisions that you make that make it easy for you to be manipulated. It is no wonder that certain people--especially those poor at decision making--are so vulnerable to being manipulated. What mistakes are you making today that are placing you at the risk of manipulation? Read on. You believe everything you hear or read Lies and propaganda have existed since the beginning of time, and they are not going anywhere anytime soon. A long time ago, before the invention of the Internet, propagandists relied on word of mouth to disseminate false information, hate speech, and other propaganda. They also relied on traditional media outlets such as newspapers and radio. Fast forward to today, and the double-edged sword that is the Internet has made it possible for the information to be transmitted across continents in a manner of seconds. Unfortunately, nobody is checking this information. There are no Internet editors seated somewhere ready

to crack down on any false information that may be getting peddled. That leaves the onus of due diligence firmly on the reader or consumer of this information. Today’s world is an advanced and highly modern environment that is equal parts good and bad, and equal parts true and false. There are numerous modern tools at our disposal including social media pages, online news outlets, online brands, and even social media influencers. Each one of these outlets is created with a particular objective in mind. More often than not, your well-being and right to information is just a peripheral consideration. The spread of false information online is massive. For every factual article that you read, there might be ten more with fabricated information. The fabricated information is intended to influence you into thinking a particular way and performing a certain action that is beneficial to another party. If you are the type of person that believes everything because it is on the Internet, you are in a whole lot of trouble. The Internet is a great place, but it is also a cesspool of wicked individuals and manipulators, and everything in between. There are people who do not have day jobs and spend their time trying to manipulate you into handing over your savings and all your possessions. There are people seated behind computers trying to make you hate someone you have never met because of the color of your skin. There are people so desperate to distort your reality that they are just waiting for you to click on an article so that they can lead you down a rabbit hole. It is not just the Internet that is corrupted. Even in the physical world, predators lurk everywhere. Unfortunately, the world has become a place where everyone looks out for themselves, and nobody else. In this day and age, you cannot afford to believe everything that you hear or read. Have a questioning mind and the confidence to doubt anything that does not sound sensible or reasonable. If a brand is selling a product that is advertised as the magic solution to all your problems, ask yourself how practical that is. How come nobody else before this brand discovered this so-called elixir? What is the science behind the

production? When a friend tells you about a particular investment that is supposed to yield 50 percent returns every week, take a step back and examine the business model of the said investment. Or, just don’t. Even the wealthiest businessmen rarely, if at all, make returns of 50 percent on their investments. The old saying that if the deal is too good think twice still holds to date. In short, take everything you hear with a pinch of salt. You would be surprised how much you can uncover if you err on the side of skepticism. You overshare or give too much information about yourself Human beings are social animals. We like to interact with people and talk to them and get a feel of how they are doing. We also like to talk about ourselves-sometimes too much! In fact, it is a well-known fact that people like to talk about themselves and that asking a person a question about themselves is the surest way to get the conversation going, even on awkward first dates. However, there is a thin line between having a conversation or being social and placing yourself smack on the bull’s eye. If people do not know how you think or what you are up to, you are less vulnerable to manipulation. You cannot manipulate someone that you have not yet figured. To be manipulated, your weakness must be identified and then used to your disadvantage. Enter social media. Think back to the last post you made on any of your social media pages. What was it about? Did it have any information that you would normally not blurt out to a stranger? Was it a necessary post or did you do it for the sake of getting attention? Many people are engaged in social media without considering the repercussions. There are numerous people who at this moment are being swindled out of their time and savings because they just cannot shut up on social media. If everyone on your social media pages knows your every move, your every

location and your every decision, then you can be sure that you are a sitting duck. Do yourself a favor and exercise discretion when sharing on social media. Your close circle of friends already knows that you are at a particular restaurant having dinner. They know this because they are seated with you in that exact restaurant. As such, you do not need to be checking into every location every second of the evening. That is how you get manipulated...and kidnapped. Your self-image and self-presentation If you weren’t you, and you met you, what is the first thing you’d think about you? In other words, what do you think is the first thing that comes to mind when other people meet you? The way you present yourself can mean the difference between being manipulated and manipulating others. We are all born whole. Along the way, some people lose their sense of wholeness and wholesomeness and start to doubt themselves. Confidence is something that is built over time--through the caring affection and reinforcement of a child’s main caregiver, and the environment surrounding this child. Unfortunately, not everybody is lucky to get this sort of reinforcement. Regardless of your circumstances, you can still walk around as if you are somewhat of a big deal. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable with yourself and showing that to the world. In fact, there is something absolutely wrong with doing the opposite. If you look timid and lacking in self-confidence, the manipulators sniff you from a mile off. If you have been walking around hunched and unsure, straighten your back and walk with your eyes straight ahead. Dress well and put on some nice-smelling cologne. Smile more. Doing these simple things will change the way you feel about yourself and in return, the way people perceive you. You will likely get treated better, and the manipulators will have a harder time getting to you because they can tell that it will be a lot of work breaking you down.

You rush into relationships In pre-school, you can become someone’s best friend in a matter of minutes; you just need to be present and have pink shoes that they like. Childhood relationships are easy because there is not much expectation from either party. Adult relationships, on the other hand, require a little bit more time. Many adults do not just become friends for the sake of friendship. A whole lot of them are motivated by the opportunities presented by the friendship. While it is important to be open to forming new friendships and relationships, you need to be careful and ensure that you are not just a means to fulfill another person’s needs. Be wary of anyone who rushes into your life and starts professing love and commitment from the get-go. Most of such professions are not sincere. You are only getting love-bombed by this person so that they have an easier time manipulating you later on. For more about love-bombing, refer to Chapter 3: Advanced Level Manipulation Methods. The desire to be loved and to have a companion is present in human nature, but it should not push you into rushed relationships where your well-being is not a priority. Always take time to get to know someone before you open your home and yourself to them. Many manipulators are silent predators that stalk their prey stealthily, but most of them are also not very patient. If a manipulator realizes that you are not willing to give up what they want within a short period of time, they will most likely run off to the next victim. Time is your friend when it comes to avoiding being blatantly manipulated by would-be partners and friends. You do not understand what manipulation is Sometimes, a person will be manipulated for years on end before they finally realize that they are being manipulated. Some never arrive at this realization. If you do not know what manipulation looks like, it could walk right past you, and

you would be none the wiser. Some people even confuse manipulation with love. Fortunately, reading this will make you more aware of what signs to look out for to avoid being manipulated. The tactics described in this book to help you learn how to influence people are the very same ones being used by skilled manipulators out there. So, if you come across someone who seems to have read and practiced all the techniques described therein, run for the hills. You do not run things through your social circle If you are one of the fortunate humans that have people who love them, then you have a social circle of friends and family around you. Friends and family come in handy in many ways. They love and care for you when you need them. They offer recommendations to the best dentists and plumbers. They keep you company and send Christmas gifts. The list is endless. Friends and family can also function as a sounding board, allowing you to make sense of the things that you hear. This is not to suggest that you need to check with your friends every time you have to make a decision. Rather, your friends are an important source of information when you need to carry out some due diligence on particular matters. You do not even need to tell your friends or family that you need a particular piece of information regarding someone. Often, just mentioning a name is enough to make a loved one volunteer information about them. Consider this short conversation between yourself and a friend who is wellknown to you: Oh, I ran into Jake today. Jake from high school? Yes, Jake from high school. He says he’s making millions on Wall Street. Oh, don’t listen to him--he’s been running that scam for the longest time. See, you do not even need to tell your friend that you were considering investing

with Jake, and yet you got the information you needed. Your social circle knows things that you do not know, so make use of your friends and family properly. You do not want to be the last to know or the blinking fool of the group. That’s how you get manipulated. You are not selfish with your money You could be the richest person in this world, and this advice would still hold-be selfish with your money. Selfish in this case does not mean being extremely stingy and unwilling to help anyone in need. Selfish in this particular case refers to acknowledging that you work hard for your money and anybody who wants some of it has to work hard for it. If you are the kind of person who is willing to hand over money anytime a person weaves a fake sob story, you will be donating a whole lot of cash to non-existent crises. Money, or financial gain, is a huge motivator for most manipulators. If you are willing to hand over your money to every cause without doing some proper investigation, you are vulnerable to manipulation. Sharks are everywhere in this world; do not let them see that you are dripping blood. You are not clear on where you stand on certain matters If a friend of yours came to you with a request for a loan, what is the maximum amount that you’d be willing to give? If a colleague asked you to work their shift, would it matter if that shift was on a Monday or Saturday? If you won one million dollars in the lottery today, what would you invest in? Let’s say you had a forty-year-old son who was out of a job, would you allow them to move back in with you and give them an allowance until they found another job and got back on their feet? Granted, these are not questions that you walk around asking yourself just in case that hypothetical situation becomes a reality. However, it is important that you know what your principles, priorities, and preferences are in

life so that you can always be looking out for these when interacting with people. Being led by solid truths such as these three Ps will allow you to say no to anything that is outside of this set, however attractive the other person might make it sound. If you have never had any interest in investing in real estate, and do not consider it one of your preferred choices, you will likely not fall for the scam artist selling you non-existent beach property. You will send them on your merry way so that they can manipulate someone else. If you have a rule that says you cannot lend your friends anything above $1000 at a time, then you will protect yourself from that manipulative friend who is always asking for loans with one excuse or the other. Draw your lines and boundaries and the people in your life will have to toe the line, albeit unknowingly. You think everyone is a nice person A majority of people are nowhere near nice. Human beings are wired for survival and being nice is not one way of surviving. In the wild jungle, being nice gets you killed. In the concrete jungle, being nice gets you scammed and manipulated. Whenever you meet a new person, do not automatically think they are nice because they are smiling a lot and touching your ‘safe zone.’ Maybe they just read this book and are using the tactics described to bait you. See Chapter 4: Becoming a Master Manipulator for tips on how to correctly touch a person platonically for best results. While it is okay to want to think the best of everyone, the truth is always more different than what you see on the surface. Just because you are Mr. Nice or Miss Nice does not mean that everyone is Mr. Nice or Miss Nice. Allow yourself adequate time to read people’s intentions. Assume the worst, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when the other person turns out to be a decent human being. You are not likable

What happens when you are not a likable person? People will often not care about you and will not mind exploiting you for their own gain. People who are not likable and who seem unapproachable have the advantage of keeping the amateur manipulators away just by their aura. However, master manipulators are always up for a challenge and will attempt to get to you and feel no mercy at all. Smile a little more and be open to receiving the gift of friendship and social interaction. You might even learn a thing or two about the manipulators from the friends you make. Plus, when you come across as a likable and easy-going person, you will have thrown off your manipulator, especially if you are none of those things in reality. Likable people also tend to have a whole protective social circle around them. This social circle often works as a buffer against manipulators.

Chapter 9: Manipulation and the Question of Morality If you are reading this book, it means that you might be on the fence about, or totally on the side of manipulation. Most people will clutch their pearls when they notice someone reading a guide on manipulation. Expect this same reaction from the people around you. The question of whether manipulation is moral or immoral is one that is not likely to be answered anytime soon. There are a lot of grey areas to be considered. For instance, what is the manipulation intended to achieve and who is the target? If you manipulate someone into donating to your favorite charity, does this still count as immoral? At the workplace, where do you draw the line between ethical and unethical manipulation, and who sets the rules for either?

There are some instances where manipulation has been used to harm other people. In such an instance, it is easy to say that a line has been crossed. But then again, while the moral compass is supposed to always point north, not everyone has this compass. Morality and immorality are subjective depending on various factors. That being said, there are instances where it is almost unanimously agreed that manipulation is a good thing. In such instances, nobody will bat an eyelid when persistent persuasion is being used to achieve a particular objective. Since their inception, non-profit organizations and non-governmental organizations have relied upon the goodwill of donors to further their agenda. Getting people to give you their money is not an easy task. If you thought asking investors for capital is hard, try asking for money that will not have any monetary returns. It can definitely be an uphill task. Instead, what nonprofits have mastered is the art of persuading donors to give their money for the greater good of the world. These nonprofits are very deliberate in approaching their donors. They know that people will give to causes that they are passionate about. As such, they have profiles of people they would like to approach which they crossmatch with the kind of work they do. It would be foolish and a waste of time for a nonprofit to approach a donor who has no interest in the particular field of operation of the nonprofit. Once the befitting donor has been identified, the next step is to persuade them to make a donation, and potentially a long-standing contribution. Remember the concept of the idealized self-image? If you don’t, refer to Chapter 1. The subsection of Flattery delves into what an idealized self-image is. Now, the trick is to appeal to the image the person has of themselves: that they are a giving person and are always engaged in altruistic acts for the greater good of the world and the less fortunate. Some people like to refer to this as the massaging of an ego.

The donor now has an expectation to live up to. He has this non-profit organization that is engaged in something that he cares about, and the non-profit thinks the world of him. Sooner than later, there will be a check addressed to the said organization. The donor will feel so good about himself and will continue making donations for as long as he can; after all, he is a kind and giving person. In the meantime, the donations are used to help important causes, and the world is a better place as a result. Manipulation against the backdrop of capitalism is yet another area that is quite grey. For instance, if you make a product and manipulate people into thinking that is worth more than it actually is, and they pay for it, does that make you a bad person? Think of all the overpriced items in this world and the people spending their hard-earned money to pay for them. Who is at fault here? Is anybody really at fault? While a shopper spends $1000 on a handbag that ideally should cost less, a struggling sales assistant gets a reprieve in the form of sales commission. Does the manipulation equation balance out in this case? Employees in the workplace have different levels of motivation. Some employees come to work because they are passionate about what they do. Some only show up because they have bills to pay. There are yet others who have yet to figure out why they keep showing up even though they mentally checked out months ago. As a manager, how effective is it to use direct and upfront means to motivate each and every employee that works under you? Sometimes you have to resort to manipulation. It gets the job done faster. The decision of where morality meets manipulation is indeed a very personal one. If you want to benefit fully from this book, you must make that decision very early on. Considering that you have read this book so far (and most of the techniques described herein are humane), you are likely to be interested in going through with it. However, choosing to adopt manipulation in your daily life is not the same as knowing how to deal with the consequences. If telling a single lie keeps you awake at night, you’ll probably not have a very easy time

manipulating people. Keep this in mind but remember too that what might seem impossible at first might become easier as you get used to it. You might get better at telling bigger lies if you practice with some little fibs. At the same time, you need to be able to draw the line as far as deciding who is a target for your manipulation and who is not. If you have a dear and loving relationship with your parents, you might want to let it remain as so and keep the manipulation out of the family home. Being outed as a manipulator or liar could very easily cost you the opportunity to enjoy a loving relationship with our family members. Again, this is all subjective. If family is not important to you, you are at liberty to manipulate them into giving you what you want. The morality of manipulation really is a personal question that requires a personal answer. Why Manipulation is Important in Your Life Manipulation matters in your life, whether you believe in it or not, and whether you are conflicted by the morality of it or not. This is why manipulation is essential if you are hoping to survive your current circumstances: It gives you back the power in your life. Having been a pawn in the manipulation games of individuals, corporates and even governments, you can take back ownership of your life by becoming manipulative. Consider it your subtle and small-scale rebellion against the system. It makes you more productive. Instead of sitting and waiting for things to happen, you can go out and make them happen. Life does not give you everything you want on a silver platter. Life can indeed be very unfair is you are constantly playing nice and warming the bench. Be one of the key players by getting people to meet your demands.

It makes you feel better about yourself. Imagine being able to get anything that you wanted. How would that make you feel? Confident? Most likely. After years of hearing no, it would feel pretty great to hear yes on a more regular basis. It helps you create a network of ‘friends’ that you can rely on to solve your problems. Social and professional networks always come in handy. After all, man cannot exist in isolation. When manipulating people, you will often present yourself as a trustworthy friend who can be called upon in business and personal matters. This is important for your own advancement. Manipulation allows you to do less legwork. Imagine being able to achieve your dreams without getting exhausted? Dreamy, right? Right. If you manipulate the right people into being your helpers, you can accomplish all your goals without getting worn out. Being manipulative protects you from manipulation. You already know what tactics to look out for, and nobody will be able to outwit you unless you let them win on purpose. The world is a cruel place that is not intended for softies and pushovers. Nobody said that playing fair was going to get you the things that you want. Understanding and applying manipulation techniques in your life allows you to be properly prepared to survive in the harsh environment of a majorly capitalistic world. Manipulative people are often charming and leave smiles on the faces of the people they interact with. Essentially, being manipulative might help you to make other people happier. Yes, their joy might be shortlived, but it will be joy all the same. And remember, if you play your cards right, you will never have to worry about their joy is short-lived mainly because they will never catch onto you.

By learning how to be manipulative, you will be joining in the ranks of great men and women who learned how to be manipulative years ago and used it to their advantage. There is no pushover that has ever made it to the history books. The people who capture the hearts and minds of historians have one thing in common: they know what they want, and they use all means at their disposal, manipulation included, to achieve this. Manipulation forces you to use your brain all the time. All your interactions have to be well processed by your mind, and every move that you make must be strategic. It is like being in an exciting and never-ending game of chess. This sharpens your brain, and you can use this brain power to better other areas in your life.

Conclusion You will agree with the assessment that manipulation is everywhere in our daily lives. Even while you sleep, there is a brand somewhere that is looking to unleash their manipulative marketing campaign with the goal of making you spend your money. While you slave away at work at the mercy of your boss, there is often no guarantee that you will get a promotion. In your personal relationships, there is probably someone who is pretending to be your friend but is only looking out for themselves. It almost seems like whichever way you turn, there is someone waiting to influence your next move. This can be quite overwhelming. Being manipulated does not feel good. Knowing that everything you thought was true was an altered reality created by a manipulative person makes you feel betrayed and, often times, stupid. You wonder why you did not see the red flags and what you could have done differently. The truth of the matter is that however smart you think you are, there is always someone who believes they can outsmart you. Enter your new manipulation methods. You do not have to sit back and watch other people take control and get what you want when you can do it yourself. Influencing other people into fulfilling your desires is well within your reach if you internalize and incorporate the teachings and methods of this book. It might seem like an uphill climb, especially if you are used to giving other people what they want and getting nothing in return, but it really is not. Learning how to manipulate people is not something that should overwhelm you. It only feels overwhelming now because you are learning all these new things all at once. With time and practice, the things you have learned will become second nature. You will find yourself smiling and flirting without even thinking about it. Start the work from within--working on your body language, presentation,

communication techniques--and then apply the outcome to the external environment. You will be surprised how much more you can gain from people and the world around you if you subtly manipulate them. Becoming a master manipulator will take you longer than a few days, but it will be worth the work and the wait. Remember, as long as you are not hurting anyone who does not deserve to be hurt, you are well within your rights to manipulate your way to the success that you have always envisioned for yourself!

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