Making Room 9781733809108, 9781733809115

Table of contents :
Acknowledgments
1. My Story
2. Make Room for Cleanliness
3. Make Room for Space and Order
4. Make Room for Color
5. Make Room for Function
6. Make Room for the Right Inventory
7. Make Room for Your Story and Style
8. Make Room for Smart Shopping
9. Make Room for New Rules in Your Space
10. Make Room for Family, Friends and Neighbors
References
About the Author

Citation preview

MAKING ROOM

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Copyright © 2019 Making Room How to Create Soul & Style In Your Home Lucy Jo Bowman All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. ISBN: 978-1-7338091-0-8 (print), 978-1-7338091-1-5 (epub) Photography: Lucy Jo Bowman Publishing and Design Services: MartinPublishingServices.com

DEDICATION I dedicate this book to my husband and three daughters. Home is for them. I know I am not easy to live with, but they love me as I try.

CONTENTS Acknowledgments 1. My Story 2. Make Room for Cleanliness 3. Make Room for Space and Order 4. Make Room for Color 5. Make Room for Function 6. Make Room for the Right Inventory 7. Make Room for Your Story and Style 8. Make Room for Smart Shopping 9. Make Room for New Rules in Your Space 10. Make Room for Family, Friends and Neighbors References About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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y dear JOANIE, thank you feels too little for the love, encouragement, time and work you have offered me throughout this process. This book would likely not exist without your talent for believing in and encouraging others. Your listening ear and genuine interest will forever be a gift to me. TIARA, your insights as you read the book made it so much better, just as you have always made me better by being my friend. MOM, HOLLY AND JAMIE, thank you for the many phone calls asking for your opinions and suggestions. Thank you for your confidence in me and your endless support. SUSAN STRECKLAND, I was convinced you wouldn’t find worth in my writing and instead you gave me the exact words I needed to keep working on this book. Thank you for your expert editing and helping me feel like there is value in these pages. KATE IRWIN, being accountable to you for getting things done is a true privilege and is only overshadowed by the friendship and good humor I have enjoyed with you over the last year. MELINDA MARTIN, your attention to detail, design skills, knowledge, patience and kindness have elevated my book to a place I only imagined. I’m so thankful you share your talents with authors and the world. CODY AND MY DAUGHTERS, so many days you watched me sit at the computer and so many days you watched from a far believing that something would come from the work that took me away from you. I hope my actions and words will be an additional testament to my love for each of you.

FOREWORD

I wrote this book because I believe with my whole heart that design can elevate your life. Not only do you design where your new sofa or new wall will go, you design a home that fosters a happy life. Creating a beautiful, peaceful and functional space is about helping you, your family and everyone, live well; it is about making home a heaven on Earth. It is your calling to make room in your home, family and heart for the things that matter most to you. Are you paying attention to the success of your home? Consider this quote by David O. McKay: “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” The world is competing for your time, and if you are not intentional, the world will fill your home with things you may not agree with and swallow your soul without hesitation. Making Room’s purpose is to guide you to invest in home, family and personal development now and forever, because you and the people who live in your home matter. My greatest hope for you, my reader, is that you feel uplifted and inspired from reading this book about how to create soul and style in your home. I like to picture you closing the book, standing up and saying, “Yes! I can do this!” And you can! Best,

MY STORY

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othing was right when we moved into our first home. The wall colors were dark, there were traces of the seven children, two dogs and rabbits sprinkled amidst the house and we had a tight budget to use for repairs and changes we wanted and needed to make. We were going to paint the entire house in a week and furnish every room in a month. As we started to tackle projects and monitor our bank account, I realized that improvements were going to take a lot longer than I had anticipated and our old furniture was going to have to be good enough. As a stay-at-home mom, my home was my everyday workspace, and I was depressed by the slow progress. After a month of trying to update our home between naptimes, work and our regular life, I went to my bed crying because I still did not have a complete living space. With two young children and a busy, hard-working husband, my house looked like a storage unit instead of a home. There were boxes in every room of the house, and I longed to have a space that reflected my style. The walls were green, dark brown, red and baby blue; these colors were not what I would have chosen. Move-in ready is not how I would describe the house, outside of it having running water and some curtains left behind. We even had to buy a fridge. On top of all of this, the house was large— 2,466 square feet, and even after Cody, my cowboy, welding engineer husband, took a full week off work to help me paint the upstairs, the house was a wreck and the flaws jumped out at me every day. While I was upstairs in my chaotic bedroom feeling sorry for myself, I heard Cody building something. I slowly walked downstairs and peeked around the corner to find him putting together a desk I had recently bought. He knew I was struggling with our home, and he was staying up late, after working all day, to bring me a bit of comfort. When he saw me come downstairs, he noticed my red, splotchy eyes, and told me to go back to bed. I obeyed with guilt because I truly

was exhausted in every way. Cody stayed up until nearly 1 a.m. putting together the desk so I could wake up and have one thing right. I knew when I saw it in the morning, everything would be okay, not because the house looked just right or because it would all be done soon, but because I had a husband who loved me. We could work on turning our storage unit into a glorious home filled with children, love and memories we cherished. This book is about the lessons, intangible and concrete, we have learned as we have tried to embrace home and family as the central, most important part of life. Through trial and error, we have made rooms that speak our story and made room for our priorities, bringing us joy and peace.

Start of Style As a young girl I ripped out pages of my InStyle magazine and taped them to my walls like wallpaper. If the color or design of a page struck my fancy, it got ripped out and displayed for my daily pleasure and to impress all who saw my well-curated style.

When I started sharing a room with my little sister, I told her that she could have a “special locker” out in the hall closet for her things because I was concerned with her stuff interfering with the look I was trying to achieve. I was even kind enough to make a sign on computer paper: “Joanie’s Special Locker”. Now that we are both adults, we laugh, but I am actually just grateful she was young enough or kind enough to let me get away with it for a while. At a very young age, I paid attention to detail and expressed myself through my spaces and clothing. I was an awful roommate, but it was all for the art.

My magazine pages were opposite of the actual life I was leading. I was keenly aware that I was one of the poor friends among my peer group. I was happy despite our hand-me-down clothes and furniture, dated décor, and modest lifestyle. I worked at Macy’s in the gift wrap department to afford clothes, my first car and going out with friends. We lived in a middle-class neighborhood with my mom’s souvenirs from our time in England as the fanciest things in our

home. Although we didn’t live in luxury all the time, we certainly only had firstworld problems. I still got to participate in cheerleading, soccer, tennis, church activities and had a trampoline and an oval above ground swimming pool that allowed for amazing summer memories with my family and friends. Even when I felt a bit sheepish about bringing inexpensive birthday gifts to friend’s parties or felt like I wore the same outfit on repeat, I knew I was lucky to have such an amazing mother and siblings. We depended heavily on each other and we still do. Despite having little money, I was full of hope for my future and energy to chase after it. Back then I had big dreams of entering the design world. My early interest in fashion was still present as high school graduation came closer. I researched The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, but after a few really difficult sewing projects prompted by my wise mother, I chose to attend a religious-based university and chose to study English Education. My love for design did not fade, but my other love of writing emerged. I sometimes feel that I missed my calling in life to study a design-related subject, but I do not regret my decisions. My passion for design is richer because it has always been by choice and not a requirement. I share this part of my past, so you can see how I came to want to write a book and specifically a book on creating a soulful and stylish home.

Turning Point One: New Friends and Obsessions Christmas 2017: Cody got me The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines. I devoured the book and went to the library to check out more books: Elements of Design by Erin Gates, The Things that Matter by Nate Berkus, and Young House Love by Sherry and John Petersik. The books were filled with relatable stories and practical advice on making a home stylish and unique. I felt like I had finally found my people . . . people obsessed with getting design right who were also full of heart about making home a place for the people we love the most. More books arrived in the mail: Styled by Emily Henderson, The Inspired Room by Melissa Michaels, and The Nesting Place by Myquilin Smith. My interest was insatiable. Learning about interior design and styling coincided with writing on my blog consistently. I purchased blogging and marketing courses. I was completely committed to working on my craft—writing and indulging in my newest obsession—interior design. Lucy Jo Home blog was born, and I promised myself that I would write every week—a promise I did not break.

Turning Point Two: My Breakdown Around the time that I began delving into writing and interior styling, my husband started traveling frequently. My children consumed my every waking moment, and I was not getting the personal time I needed. I resented Cody for getting to travel, interact with adults, eat meals he didn’t prepare and drive in limos with famous reality TV stars. I was banging the doors of my home with anger and tears, with a baby on my hip. My home felt like prison, and I was certain if I didn’t escape, my very soul would shrivel, and I would cease to exist. Before children I was a vibrant, ambitious leader full of promise and then after marriage and three children, I pictured myself as a bitter, haggard waste of space. I no longer worked outside the home, and I was my children’s constant companion. I was drowning in laundry, dishes, meal prep, and diaper changing. Now that I can look back on this time with some perspective, I see that I was becoming something new and better but transforming always hurts. My frustrations and identity crisis came to a head when Cody had been gone for ten days. I was afraid of myself and my anxiety and depression peaked. I sat in a corner in my dining room and uncontrollably sobbed. I was trapped. After years of neglecting my own needs, I was desperate to find a new way to live. Cody came home early from his trip, and I thought everything would be okay, but it wasn’t. No one but me could fix what was wrong. In complete defiance and desperation, I began a transition into a new me. I called a therapist, invested a large sum of money in a blogging course, emailed my former employer to see if I could teach again, hired a babysitter, started to exercise regularly and went on vacation by myself. I began reading self-help books as voraciously as I read the interior design

books: The Compound Effect, You are a Badass, Think and Grow Rich, and Finding Your North Star, to name a few. Before I read these books, I already knew that my home and family were suffering because I was unhealthy. After reading them, I was completely committed to taking charge of my own happiness. I plunged into a renovation of our basement because I was done waiting to change the dark walls to something light and uplifting. Time by myself became consistent and writing on the blog became a lifeline. The perfect blogging accountability partner emerged from my courageous call for a mastermind group, and I ventured out of the house more often. Nothing and everything had changed. Still a wife, mother and friend, but now that I was taking care of myself, I had so much more to give. The closer I got to my path, the more I loved myself, my family, my home and my circumstances. As I tackled projects and goals, a big dream began calling me. Since grade school I had wanted to write a book. In fifth grade I wrote a thriller about a couple of kids who were kidnapped from Disneyland and my gracious teacher let me read it to my classmates during free time. I sat with my binder full of lined paper and read the story to my equally gracious classmates. I believe that what we were drawn to as children is still inside of us, so I started to consider writing a book again. I had already written two books that I had not pursued publishing, but now I was ready to really tackle a challenging writing project. The next big move I made involved a large financial investment in selfpublishing education. A week after deciding I would write and self-publish a book, my mother called, telling me that my father was in critical condition at a hospital in Utah. At first there was hope for a full recovery, but not long after the first call, I was flying to Utah to say goodbye. My father had been in the hospital for kidney problems but after a day of being at home and with a plan for dialysis and ongoing treatment, he had a seizure. He was rushed to the hospital again and after testing, they found that his brain was swelling from a bad fall he had had

two weeks prior. I arrived in shock and fear. I was afraid to see him in such a terrible state and even more afraid of knowing what to do and say to my unconscious father. When I arrived to say my goodbyes, my father had been in a coma for a couple of days and had a bandaged head from having part of his skull removed to allow the brain to swell. I walked into the hospital room, and immediately began crying. The long day of traveling, the shock of seeing all the tubes, wires and beeping machines connected to him and the swelling of his body overcame me. Eventually, I took my turn to talk to my dad on my own. It was 1 A.M. in the morning and the Intensive Care Unit was quiet except for the beeping from the life support monitors. When I stepped into the room, the screen showed that he was alive, but there was no movement, no recognition or conversation. I poured my heart out between tears. I hoped that he heard me, and I walked out afterwards to get hugs from my mom and sister waiting in the hallway. We gathered as a whole family the morning I arrived. We stood in my dad’s hospital room, waiting for the doctor to explain what would happen when the life support was turned off. The doctor explained it could take anywhere from minutes to days for my dad to pass. Each member of the family prayed silently that it would be quick. Within thirty minutes of the life support being removed, my dad was gone. It is hard to explain how difficult it was to witness my father pass. He was only fifty-eight years old, and I had pictured him coming to visit us in Wisconsin again. So many tears shed then and now. There was so much to do. Funeral arrangements, helping my mother get things arranged for a different life, and accommodating family and friends who came to honor my father. I didn’t have time to properly mourn nor did I really want to face the reality in the moment. One of the gifts of that hard time was being able to speak at my father’s funeral.

The time to reflect and organize my thoughts was refreshing and enlightening. I shared the lessons that my dad was still teaching me. I had spiritual impressions that would sustain me through difficult times ahead and validate decisions I had already made and would make in the future. I had a hard time connecting with my father when he was alive. I rarely went to him for emotional support or to talk about things that mattered most to me. He loved his family fiercely, but he did not know how to show it well. As I reflected on our relationship, one important conversation I had with my dad is treasured. Only a few years before he passed, I talked to him and my mother on the phone about quitting teaching and pursuing a writing career. My dad boldly encouraged me to follow my dreams without hesitation. I needed his confidence and his support in my decision. I walked away from our conversation hopeful and ready to do the hard work. Now as I think of my father’s life, I see that my dad was so eager for me not to wait on my dreams because he regretted when he had not done so himself. He worked at jobs he didn’t really like to support a large family, and he died with unmet goals. I went back home from the funeral with a lot of hurt inside and an unshakable determination to honor my dad by living a life devoid of regret. I was certain that my decision to write a book was right and that my dad would help me from where he was. My father’s passing also reminded me of the things that last. He left this world and nothing he owned or collected went with him. The things that were said about him at his funeral were a culmination of all the small and large decisions he made in his life. He had left no one a monetary inheritance, but there were lessons left that were far more valuable than the money. No matter how much I accumulate, my legacy is more about the feelings I leave with those who I love the most. Because of this lesson, I had to create a book that looked at home holistically—the concrete and the abstract ideas of home life.

So What? I wish I could tell you that the path to happiness is a stylish, clean and organized home, but the answer is more complex, in a good way. My home is only as good as I am and that is the same for you. Mental illness, unhappiness, and confusion are no respecters of people. Someone living in a mansion can be unhappy while we see a stunning smile on someone living in a hut with a dirt floor. I share the extremes, but I am in the middle—not poverty stricken and not rich. Most of us are between feeling grateful for our abundance and guilty for wanting more. No matter where you land on this spectrum of life, the solution is the same: focus on the relationships that last, the ways you can bless others and the places that foster both. Because of my journey learning about home, design and family, this book is broken into two parts: creating soul or meaning in your home and designing a stylish space. I believe that both good feelings and unique style is the recipe for a home of your dreams or what I love to call your own heaven on Earth. Creating soul encourages positive and meaningful relationships with your loved ones. Designing your home is all about the concrete things you can do to create a space that holds the dearest memories of your life and adds joy and order to your everyday. This process of creating home is not always easy, but it is possible for anyone. Never give up on your home and family. Really, what deserves more attention? I challenge you to take charge of your mental and physical spaces and give them the attention they deserve.

Make room in your home

for your soul and style. The steps I share in this book are a simple, thorough mix of practical tips and principles that will help you refresh your mindset and spaces right now. Some of the steps don’t cost a cent and others may involve careful planning, budgeting and spending, with which I will help you throughout the book. Time to get started!

Steps to Creating Soul and Style in Your Home Fill your space with positivity, hope and order. You are the gatekeeper of this truly sacred space. This is where you rest, dream, eat, and play. Friends and family will gather for games, laughs and good food. This is your classroom where children will learn lessons they will carry for a lifetime. This space should be a safe place where love and optimism are dominant. A happy home begins with you—your thoughts and actions. Adding style to your home creates a special ownership of your home that will lead you to love where you live and make more room for your dreams and relationships.

MAKE ROOM FOR CLEANLINESS

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hen I was living at home as an early teen, my family would see me cleaning up the house and ask, “Who’s coming over?” At first, I would be offended at their question, but then usually I would proceed to tell them who I had invited. I liked to clean then as much as I like to do dishes now— not so much. Since then, I have found my love for cleanliness has overcome my laziness. Cleaning is more than just saving my reputation and more about being able to enjoy my family and home. Thankfully, my mom’s attempts to teach me to pick up after myself and scrub the toilet were not completely futile, even if she lost hope when I was younger. When I refer to cleaning, I am talking about scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming and sweeping, the literal wiping away of dirt in your home. Decluttering and organizing are covered in a forthcoming section. After battling with cleaning routines, I discovered two basic approaches were: 1. Clean most of the house all at once or 2. Clean the house one room or one task at a time. The advantage of the first is that it allows you to start cleaning the whole house and make lasting change because it is not just one room that is clean, but the entire house. The advantage of number two is that it can be done in smaller chunks of time, and over a longer period, but the challenge is to clean a room and keep it clean while you move onto the next. With young children stalking my home, I aim to do most of the cleaning all in one day because I find that when I move onto another room, the room behind me has exploded.

Setting a timer can help you feel like cleaning will end and motivate you to get as much done as possible in the time allotted. Sometimes cleaning is worse in your mind than it is in real life, so don’t overthink the tasks and just get started. If you clean up in the evening before bed, your morning will likely go much smoother and you will be less stressed. Cleaning before bed is especially helpful when you have small children because you can clean without the little people interfering with your work. With some practice and creativity, I have been able to create a cleaning system that works for our family. There is not one right way to clean your home; just do it regularly. For our family, cleaning revolves around our weekly schedule. Saturdays are our big day for chores and the rest of the week is maintenance cleaning that is mostly done by me and my younger daughters since we are at home the most. We have divided the cleaning among our family members—my oldest child cleans two bathrooms, my two youngest clean windows and take out and replace bathroom garbage can liners. Everyone pitches in with dishwasher loading and unloading and putting away laundry and my husband and I clean the kitchen counters and floors daily. This list doesn’t cover everything that needs to get cleaned, but these are the basics. I want to share a few options for cleaning systems that you and your family may be interested in, along with a list of cleaning chores appropriate for certain ages. Fly Lady/Zone Cleaning: Your home is broken down into major zones and then you or members of the family are assigned certain zones. Zone cleaning keeps focus on a specific space vs a specific task. I find this system to be a bit too complex, but I know many people who use this method successfully. Fly Lady’s motto seems to be “your house didn’t get dirty in one day and it can’t be cleaned up in one day.” This step-by-step system starts small and builds into a full-blown cleaning routine that involves planning and consistency. A few things I like from this system is that she teaches people to wake up, get dressed and ready for the day before tackling jobs in the house. I believe that this physical readiness awakens our mind and hearts too.

Rotating Chore Chart: This system has variety for all the participants because you are not always doing the same cleaning every day or week. This system takes dedication because the jobs and people have to be tracked well. Index Card Cleaning System: The idea here is that your index card keeps you on track for either the tasks by room or tasks for certain days and times. Either way, the cards are there to remind you what and when things need to get done. I have seen people put their index cards in small containers or rotate them by attaching them to their cleaning bucket. Again, a system can help you be efficient, but the real challenge is just to clean every day. Below is a list of age appropriate chores. I remember speaking with a student in my class about his four kids and he shared that his four-year-old was helping clear the table. My oldest was around the same age and she was not helping with anything. I realized that my child could do a lot more than I was giving her the opportunity to complete. Your children will learn important life skills and lessons as you give them cleaning that fits their abilities. Ages 2–3: Dust, wipe up spills, put clothes in hamper, pile books and magazines, throw away garbage, put toys away Ages 4–5: all of the above + clear the table, empty garbage in rooms, wash plastic dishes at sink Ages 6–7: all of the above + sort laundry, set and clear table, sweep floors, keep bedroom tidy, scrub bathroom Ages 8–9: all of the above +load dishwasher, vacuum, wipe table after meal, put away laundry, mop floor Age 10 and older: all of the above + unload dishwasher, fold laundry, wash

car, do laundry, change sheets, clean bathroom (Stuart, n.d.) This list gives you a general idea of what each age group can do, but we have our oldest daughter doing things listed in older age groups and she is doing it well. Start this journey of refreshing or renovating rooms with a clean slate. When you start with clean and open, you invite possibilities, and most importantly, improvements. Dirt and grime darken and infect. It is time to clean so you can make room for light, warmth, and fresh air in your life. As you clean, your goal should be to shine light into every corner of your home. This may sound overwhelming, but it does not have to be. Every project is possible when you have a plan. Have you ever printed out a cleaning chart, but your home never got clean? Are the cleaning routines you have used in the past too complicated? Our good intentions of printing out a cleaning chart can sometimes be followed with us staring at a mess that feels too big to start. My challenge to you is to keep your cleaning routine simple—pick tasks that should be done daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. If that is not the way you like to do things, figure out what days you can devote to cleaning and stick with it. If you have a family, get the family in on the plans and give them ownership. Allow everyone to establish their own monthly or bi-weekly rewards for keeping the home clean: ice cream outing, movie night, playdate, family time, toy, or food. The real reward will be in the clean home though. There may be a fight from the family at first, but the feeling in your home will change as attitudes and spaces change. As you kindly express your concern for the wellbeing of your family and home, partners and children will hopefully respond with a willingness to cooperate. Reference the “Chore List” chart to help you see what types of cleaning can be

done on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Make changes to the chart as needed and fill in your own weekly chore chart.

Also, create a cleaning kit that you can carry with you as you clean the spaces that need a refresh—you can get a bucket or container at many different retail stores. As my handy husband says, “There is nothing more frustrating than trying to do a job without the right tools.” I have included a quick reference list of common items in a kit.

NOTE: I would feel amiss not to mention that our choice of cleaners impacts our environment, so try to make informed and wise decisions. There are many DIY cleaning solution recipes available online that are healthy and affordable.

Please clean everything; even gorgeous homes can feel and look grimy if no one has cleaned in a long time. If you are cleaning and find that you can’t stand the idea of cleaning an item, it is time to store it, throw it out or give it away. Also, if it takes you an hour to simply dust around a lot of ceramic items, you really need to move onto the next step—clearing the clutter—so you can minimize the time you need to clean.

NOW WHAT? Write down which room(s) need cleaning the most. Do you have a cleaning bucket or organizer? If not, get one together. What are the cleaning tasks for your home organized by day, week and month? Ask your family members what they are willing to do and what kind of rewards match the work. Consider different cleaning systems and find something that works for

everyone. Can you set aside a day to work on just cleaning and organizing? If not, how much time can you dedicate to cleaning each day or week?

Make Room for Clean Mind and Body Throughout the book, between the major chapters, I will be adding sections about soul—the spiritual or immaterial part of you and your home. With balanced focus on the physical and transcendental elements of life, you and your home will shine equally. These “soul” sections are meant to remind you of a concept’s importance to home, lead you to do some self-reflection and, most importantly, act for improvement.

Nutrition Just like thoughts manifest into reality, what we put into our bodies and how we use our bodies will manifest in the type of moods and energy we have in our home. It took me far too long to figure out that the food I ate was causing chaos in my life. When I was a teenager I was running on fumes: not enough water or nutritious food. On top of that, I was not getting enough sleep and stressing hardcore about my grades and my future. It is only in the last few years I have learned more about the positive impacts of healthy living and mindfulness. With a poor immune system and too much stress, I was missing out on some really cool moments. Three months of my junior year were spent sleeping because I got something akin to Mono. Acne—my constant companion as a teenager and young adult. Too many years I hid behind my hair wishing I were someone else because my skin was a complete embarrassment. Only now, as an adult with a bit of education, have I realized that my nutrition was a culprit in that battle against zits. I used cream after cream, prescription after prescription, and eventually took way too many antibiotics and two and a half rounds of Accutane. (I still hope that I don’t see any major damage from those years of abuse.) I suffered and the real cure for my suffering was improved diet and eliminating stress.

The sooner you can make healthy eating choices, the better off you and your family will be. I know that the small choices you make every day will build and the results will compound for good or bad. What do your family meals look like? Is meal time a fun and connecting experience, pure chaos or somewhere in between? Are your meals balanced and manageable for you to cook? Are you constantly wondering what to eat and lacking ingredients for the recipe? A huge help in keeping my family happy and healthy is meal planning. I ask my friends for recipes, search Pinterest and try out new cookbooks. Work with the calendar by pre-packing carrots, broccoli or peppers for quick healthy snacks on super busy days. I also budget and plan for one day a week that I don’t have to cook either through eating leftovers or eating out, and the break gives me the fortitude to get through the other six days of the week. If the cook is happy and healthy, dinnertime will be a good time to connect as a family and to gear up for the next phase of the day. If the dinner table stays a constant through our busy schedules our home feels more stable. There are many benefits of family dinner. “A Harvard study found that families who eat together are twice as likely to eat their five servings of fruits and vegetables as families who don’t eat together” (Coleman). This practice of eating together is a simple change that has great results. Furthermore, children who eat family dinners are less likely to deal with depression, according to a study published in Pediatrics. They are also less likely to use drugs (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University [CASA]). In our home, temper tantrums and sickness are a bigger problem when our food quality lessens and the tears and frustration of both are enough to keep me on my toes about what our family eats. Think of the benefits of a healthy meal and the chance to reconnect with loved-ones for anyone who has felt lonely or misunderstood during the day. Balanced family dinners should have a place in your home.

My brother lived two years in Japan for a service mission and came home to describe and praise Japanese dietary habits; rice with vegetables is the bulk of the meal, and then the meat, primarily fish, is only a small part. “Japan is among the nations with the highest average life span for both, men and women, a fact consistent with the potential benefits of the traditional Japanese diet” (Gabriel, Ninomiya & Uneyama, 2018). The traditional Japanese diet consists of rice with a wide variety of food (soups, side dishes, fish, and pickles). They pack their food with flavor and eat smaller portions. Their diet is simple and delicious, what our family aims for. Eat lots of veggies, some fruits and meats and very little sugary, processed foods. You do not have to be a chef to make food a happy part of your home. There are so many talented cooks and food bloggers who are willing to share their knowledge with you and make it easy for beginners like me to make mealtime a little better.

YOUR TURN Make small course corrections today: 1. Add a vegetable to dinner. 2. Don’t buy chips or candy. 3. Sit down to meal plan using healthy recipes. 4. Drink enough water every day. 5. Ask the whole family to sit down at the table for meals. Talk about your day and share love around the table. 6. Make the changes slowly and incrementally so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Exercise My children’s energy seems endless. I love to see them running around our

home, dancing and playing games outside. Science has proven that exercise releases endorphins, which in turn creates pain relief, mood elevation, better sleep, self-esteem and less stress (Bhandari, 2018). Some simple ways to getting moving as a family are wrestling, dancing to your favorite music, taking walks or hikes, riding bikes, or even just choosing to play video games that encourage movement like Just Dance. Imagine if you and your entire family could enjoy all of the positive results of physical activity while having fun in your home. As for exercise, I also made way too many mistakes that I want you to avoid. After I had my first daughter I was seriously in shock. My body had just done this incredible thing, and my mind was reeling. I grappled with my new parenting responsibilities, all while I worked on completing my master’s degree, teaching, serving in a leadership role at church and supporting my husband as he took college courses. I was completely overwhelmed and busy with work that required me to sit for long periods of time. I got used to simply sitting around not because I was lazy, but because I needed to sit to do my work. My lack of activity trickled into my next pregnancy and by the time I had my second child, I was overweight and struggling to feel good inside and out. I think God knew He would have to rattle me before I would pay attention to my body. I had what my family calls a nervous breakdown. I don’t know what the official diagnosis looks like, but when I look back on what happened, there is no other way to describe it. I mentioned this breakdown at the beginning of the book. Even though my breakdown was filled with anxiety, depression and a myriad of other mental challenges, I am so grateful it happened because it changed my attitude toward exercise. Finally, it is no longer a burden to move and stretch; it is a joy. I have a mantra that you can use too: “Food is fuel and movement is medicine.” Say this over and over, believe it and act. I always thought that exercise was just to look good or to flash a six pack, but as I explored my overall health, exercise is now a

mental health remedy—the physical side effects are just a perk.

YOUR TURN 1. Please take time to find your personal motivation to exercise. You could be running a marathon to prove to yourself that you can best yourself over time or you could work on walking around the block without pain or fatigue for the joy of family walks. Don’t compare your goal to anyone else’s because you are running your own race. 2. If you love to dance, dance your heart out until you are dripping with sweat and laughing so hard from watching yourself lose control. Choose recreational activities that your entire family will love and do them as often as you can. 3. Find a fitness program you love and make it work for you. Do it with friends and the positive impacts increase!

MAKE ROOM FOR SPACE AND ORDER

C

lutter: a collection of things laying around in an untidy mass. Now you know what clutter is. It is simply things that are crowding out the things you actually love. From personal experience, I believe a cluttered space can make a cluttered mind and an unhealthy mind can lead to unhealthy spaces. Clutter leads to poor performance and a lack of style. According to Dr. Sherrie Carter (2012), “Messy homes and workplaces can leave us feeling anxious, helpless and overwhelmed.” When I have large piles of mail, laundry, and toys filling my spaces, I am less able to focus. I feel beaten down by the workload, and I feel out of control. A cluttered home and the accompanying feelings are not your style; they are what keep you from enjoying your home and finding your story. Mental clutter can also be the culprit of physical clutter. When I was a young adult, I was busy with my new career and dating my now husband. My mind was always racing and or down about the last break-up Cody and I had just had or about the papers that needed to be graded. I was not in a good place mentally. I wasn’t eating much, and I disconnected from my friends who normally brought me joy. I remember coming home one day to my room cleaned. You would think that having my room cleaned was a positive thing, but it was actually mortifying. I had not cleaned my space at all—in a long time. It consistently looked and probably smelled like a garbage can. One of my girlfriends that leased the house with me went through the room and got rid of the really awful signs of neglect before my boyfriend came in to clean my room as a kind service and to surprise me. He did, indeed, clean my room, and I figured he left my room validated in his apprehensions about our relationship.

Before you jump to visions of rats and literal garbage, I will paint a picture of what my room looked like. There was nothing on the walls, my bed was never made, my clothes were rarely in a drawer or in my closet, and I just slept in my mess on repeat. I am embarrassed to admit this, but the reality was that my cluttered and unhealthy thoughts were being reflected in the one space that I occupied. I shut the door and tried to act like everything was okay on the outside, but really my room was a perfect example of the real mess inside. Around the same time, I was called into a conference about a student in my English class. He was struggling academically, he rarely interacted with his peers, and he was painfully shy and apathetic. His parents were obviously concerned and wanted to know what they could do. One of the school counselors was there and asked the parents one question that I have never forgotten. “What does his room look like?” The parents answered readily as the student sulked lower into his chair, without looking at anyone. “It is a disaster. We don’t know what to do. We have taken away his video game privileges,” they answered in desperation. The counselor then explained to them that his room reflected how he was feeling inside and that he needed to address those things that were manifesting outward in every part of his life. It was a wakeup call for me, as well as the parents. What do your spaces say about your inner self right now? Although you can see a strong connection between our minds and our spaces, there are circumstances to consider. Sometimes we simply choose to ignore messes or clutter when things that are more important take priority. For example, you have a pile of dishes in the sink, but your child is begging to be held. Just because you choose to hold your child does not mean you have a cluttered, unhealthy mind. Sometimes your home will take backseat to making lasting

connections in relationships that matter most. Don’t ever let the look of your home overshadow the love in your heart. Your family will forgive a temporary mess, but the impact of ignoring them while you perfect the look of your home will be glaring for them. A simple way to measure if you have a real problem with clutter, mentally or physically, is to assess the longevity or consistency of the problem. How long is my mess sticking around? How often does this issue cause me problems in my life? Look inward and outward and see if and how mental or physical clutter is impacting you. If you do not have the strength to start decluttering a space, look inward and think about the principles of a happy home that were outlined at the beginning of the book. What are you eating? Are you getting adequate exercise? What do you spend your time doing? Truly, a beautiful, peaceful, functional space begins in your mind as a thought. If you have the desire to change your space, you can do it. Just begin by cleaning and only keeping the things that bring you joy.

What if I Want to Start Over Completely? You might be saying, “Okay, I hate everything in my room right now. Can I simply get rid of everything?” My answer is, Yes, you can get rid of everything or you can change what you already have to fit your taste and needs. I will give you an example of making do with things for a season. When Cody and I first got married, we had no furniture and no money to buy furniture, but I knew what kind of home I wanted to make. I simply envisioned what I wanted and sought out opportunities to fill the needs. I wanted plenty of seating, color coordination and a place for my books. We were given an old sofa. When I say old, I mean it; it was from the early ‘80s. It was an off-white with light pink and blue stripes. Eye sore is an understatement. I knew that simply placing this old sofa in my living room would not make me happy, but I was grateful for it and knew that I could work with it. We lived a hundred miles from a retail store, so I asked my mom to buy a brown sofa cover and bring it to me when she came for her next visit. While I waited, I cleaned the sofa and tried not to dwell on the fact that it was ugly. Eventually my mom brought the cover and it was just what I needed. I sat crying on this sofa when I came home from my first birth, took many naps on this sofa and invited many friends and family to sit down on it over the years. It was not perfect, but it served our family for many years after someone else thought to get rid of it. So, my friends, don’t dismiss everything around you. You may not even have to cover anything up; you may just need to de-junk and then rearrange! You can do this.

Declutter Strategy On page 33 I have added four labels to print and put on a box or bag so that you can categorize/sort your stuff as you go through it: donate, sell, trash, and keep. One of my favorite practices is to sort everything and then let those bags sit overnight. If you sleep without any regrets about the decisions you made about your stuff, follow through with donating, selling and throwing away, without hesitation. Certainly, don’t let those boxes or bags become more junk to get in your way. If there are items that are truly special to you, but they clash with the purpose or design of the room, either store it somewhere safe (within reason), display it elsewhere or take a picture of it and then donate, sell or throw away the item. Often, we are far more attached to the memory of things than the things themselves. For the “keep” stuff, hopefully there is a lot less than the original load. It is now time to put it back into the space that is clean and waiting to hold the stuff that is most useful and important to you.

NOTE: Sometimes sorting with a friend or extended family member can help because they are less attached to your things and can encourage you to let go of items that you may be tempted to needlessly hold onto. An honest friend that you consider very organized and clean is a bonus.

Solutions to Common Clutter Paper Clutter For paper clutter the rule should be to throw it all away. Everything you need is wonderfully filed for you on the internet. If you do have paper that you need to keep, categorize it. Here is some potential broad file categories: Pending (Papers that need to be filed. This can give you some time, but don’t let this category pile up too long. Weekly checks of the papers work best for me.) Home Car/Auto Children’s names School Important Documents (birth certificates, social security cards, marriage certificates) Church Work Taxes Marie Kondo (2014) suggests a simpler method of three categories: needs attention, keep for a limited period of time, and keep indefinitely. I use these labels for my papers: Urgent (Papers that need attention right away), Expiring Soon (Papers to be checked weekly),

File (need to file away for later use or proof), and Resources (papers I refer to often for important numbers, dates or homework). Keep all the papers in one spot and store vertically so that you are not creating piles. I find that the more papers floating around in the open, the more frustrated I get. Wherever you file your papers, try to store them in a way that reduces visual stimulation. Some of my papers are kept in a file folder desk drawer. It is easy to access this drawer, but it is also out of sight once the drawer is closed. I prefer drawers to plastic file containers but use what you have. Remember that storage accessibility is part of your success in consistently keeping papers organized. It is most important that your papers are easy to put away. If you don’t have a place to put them behind closed doors, keep them in a spot that isn’t the first thing you see when you walk into the room. This may be controversial for some of you, but I challenge you to take all the papers and magnets off your fridge and freezer doors. Instead of being drawn to chaos in your kitchen area, your eyes can rest on a clean countertop, a beautiful sink or a well-chosen oven range. Yes, you need to know when your son’s band concert is, but couldn’t you put a reminder in your phone and throw the paper away? I will admit that my papers accumulate quickly if I don’t go through them consistently. Check your categories often. I have a bad habit of saving coupons in a file folder, and I always just throw them away. I am learning that they either need to go in my purse with a plan or I need to discard them immediately. Don’t let mail hit the counter until you have figured out if it needs to be filed or thrown away. Truly, the rule should be to get rid of as much paper clutter as possible while still remaining a responsible human being. Clothes Clothes are the other clutter culprit. Clothes pile up either because you are too busy or lazy to put them away or because you have a lot of clothes that you store but consistently don’t like on your body. Both reasons are legitimate and have a

solution. If you are too busy or lazy to put them away over and over, you need to come up with a system. I have noticed that my clothes start to lie around when I won’t decide about whether the clothing is clean or not. I like to wear my pants more than once and sometimes if I only wear a blouse for a short amount of time, I will save it for another wear also. I now have to ask myself every time I take off an article of clothing, “Is this clean enough to wear again? If I answer yes it goes back to its designated spot. If I answer no, it goes into a dirty laundry basket. I know this sounds simple, but most people have a reason for not putting away their clothes. Analyze your thoughts as you are trying on or putting away clothes. You will find that you have a pattern of thought or action. Another solution is only keeping clothes you love and keeping a minimal wardrobe instead of collecting outfits for every day of the year. Take the time to go through your clothes often. Always consider ways that the clothes might bless others or could be sold to buy new pieces you need. Of course, storage is also a factor in keeping the clothes tidy. Does each article of clothing you own, when it is all clean, fit into your closet and dresser? If they don’t fit, I think you can figure out what the problem is. The solution is fewer clothes or more storage. Depending on your values, downsizing will be out of the question and more storage needs to be acquired or you downsize the wardrobe and you simplify life. I suggest the latter. Pay attention to what you are constantly picking up or stepping on; these things are cluttering your life. With three small children, if I pick up a toy two to three times in the same day, it usually gets put in the garbage or its owner gets a special lesson on taking care of her things. This can apply to clothing too. If you consistently try on a shirt and it ends up under feet because it never fits right, get rid of it post haste. Again, decluttering is all about keeping what brings you happiness or helps you function; hopefully both. As Marie Kondo wisely suggests, aim to keep what you love, and gratefully send off what is no longer

needed or wanted.

Toys Organizing toys for function in a family home can be a major challenge, but there are ways to keep the kids happy and still keep your home beautiful and uncluttered. One of the best things that ever happened to me was living in a very small townhome, apartment and duplex. These smaller spaces forced me to take a closer look at the toys that we needed and wanted, where to store them, and a system for getting my children to use and appreciate the toys. I remember one day being so frustrated that I could not keep my small living room clutter free. I realized that the toys had taken over. Instead of my living room being an inviting place for all of us, it felt chaotic and overwhelming because dolls, balls and other plastic invaders were filling in the spaces. I finally gathered all the toys and put them in my daughter’s room, leaving only a few of her favorite toys in our living room. This was my first realization that more toys do not mean more fun. Sometimes when we are given fewer options, it is easier to figure out what we really want. My daughters played more readily and didn’t miss any of the other toys that I had stored in the bedroom–out of their reach. I also learned to rotate the toys so that toys seemed new to her when they were brought out again. It was a win-win for everyone to have more clean space and more excitement over the toys. Later, when we moved into our larger home, our basement became the playroom. All the bigger toys in the playroom had been given to us and although I was grateful for them, I was ready to make the decisions about what toys we wanted, so that what I looked at and what they played with every day was not only fun for my kids but also brought me joy. I planned for the room and ended up having a garage sale where we sold 95

percent of the toys and donated what didn’t sell. We ripped up the carpet, filled in the floor cracks, and replaced it with vinyl flooring. We painted the walls a beautiful white, added a nice rug, new-to-us white furniture and a toy storage system that was going to keep everyone sane. The space is still for our children, but it suits me as well so that I like to be down there with them. I decided to use a cube organizer with fabric bins because I don’t like to see the clutter. It really bothers me, but if you can handle seeing the toys, open storage or open shelves will work too because it is, once again, easy for the kids to clean up. A toy chest can fill up fast and can get hard to find smaller things in, but it would be great for stuffed animals and other larger toys. Simple Tips for Toy Storage and Toy Clean Up Systems Create storage that is easy for your kids to put things away quickly. The more complicated the system, the less likely you will be able to get them to clean up. I used to have everything categorized just so, but I have learned that if the toys are in the bins, I am happy, and the space is lovely to be in. My OCD doesn’t jive well with kid-friendly systems sometimes, so I have learned to live with practicality. For the first few times, help them clean up after they play so that they see the process modeled, and so they don’t get too overwhelmed. Once they have seen how toy clean-up is done, they will be ready to do it on their own later. Make it an expectation to clean up before moving on to the next game or activity. Also, I won’t help clean up unless my kids are participating. My girls have learned that it is better to have Mom’s help, so they get busy picking up. Less is more. Remember that kids can truly play for hours in the dirt, with a box or a stick. More toys does not mean more fun, so pick out the toys that you think they will really play with and store the others somewhere they

can’t get to, so that at another time when they are feeling bored with what they have, you have some “new” toys to pull out. Remember, the less you have for them to get out, the less clean up. Also consider that with less options, your kids can get creative and imaginative with what is available to them. You are not depriving your children if every toy they own is not at their disposal. Most family homes have more toys than they know what to do with. Choose toys and storage that fit your style so that the toys are not an eye sore in your space. I know it is hard to completely eliminate having toys that are not stylish, but it is possible to find toys that are in colors and styles that you like. I love our play kitchen because it totally fits my style and is super fun for my girls. As your kids get older, you can ask for their opinions more. I am a lot more laid back about their bedrooms, so they do have spaces to make more choices in. Group toys in themes that make sense to kids. I have a few groups that my kids have been able to maintain: stuffed animals, books, dolls, play kitchen stuff, blocks and then the miscellaneous can be put away randomly. I have a place for each group, and I have made it easy to put these things away. Books are easier to put away and access for my children when I have shelving that allows for the book covers to be facing out. There are many easy DIY options for these type of book shelves. My husband made ours out of some left over wood and I painted them. I have also seen variations of these shelves with new house gutters and Ikea spice racks. You can see an example of ours below.

When the books have to be put away vertically, it makes it hard for my little ones not to bend the pages or give up on putting them away all together. Another perk of storing them face forward is that my kids tend to read more when they can see the titles and pictures of the book. Making the book shelves and installing them is really easy.

I hope that as you plan out your living room or playroom that you can find ways to minimize the clutter and add more beauty and function to your space. Keeping your kids happy doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your sanity or style.

Kitchen plasticware and small appliances If you have a space in your kitchen full of plastic container lids that have no matches or small appliances that haven’t been used in years, it is time to de-junk. Get rid of duplicate items and choose the best version. You need storage space in your kitchen and you certainly need room to breathe deeply and feel like only the essentials are right at your fingertips.

NOW WHAT? Get four boxes or bags and label them with the labels provided (page 33). Begin sorting by category. Let boxes sit overnight before committing to their destination. Take items to donation centers, garbage cans or take pictures to post on online marketplaces. Find ways to improve in common problem areas of your home.

Make Room for Work Creating and maintaining order in your home takes work for you and your family. At thirteen years old I earned my first official paycheck. I worked outside the home from that time on. I met wonderful people, learned the value of a dollar, and learned to find joy in any job. Working humbles us; it gives us more purpose and opportunities to serve. One summer I worked at the local city pool. I was a cashier and an events assistant. Unbeknownst to me, the job also required me to wear an old raccoon mascot suit in one-hundred-degree weather. I remember wrapping clean t-shirts around my forehead so that my skin would not touch the old, sweaty head dress and holding tight to my coworker’s hand as we made our way to the tent to sing to the birthday boy or girl. It was not unheard of to have kids get out of the water just to give the pool mascot a swift kick and all of us that wore the suit, feared a fall into the pool where we would die a slow death in a sweaty, smelly suit at the bottom. I had more comfortable jobs, but this was one of the most humbling, and I still get a good laugh every time I think about that summer. I was about to graduate high school, and I would earn enough for my housing, even if it required wearing the infamous Reddy the Raccoon suit. Have you had a job you didn’t love, but it was a way to earn some cash? Will you encourage your children to work hard at whatever they choose to do? When I complained about work, my mom always said, “Lucy, work fosters character.” She was right, and if I asked you about your least favorite job you might be able to describe all the things you hated about it, but you would also be able to share lessons you learned that would have been hard to learn in any other way. I am not too good for anything and no job is worthless. I have learned

something new from every single job I have had. Since my days of working at Macy’s, the city pool, a tennis and fitness club, and Eddie Bauer, I worked hard through schooling and professional development to be worthy of employment that I love, am useful in and earns me a fair wage. Although my official jobs were valuable, the work I learned to do in my home was formative. I helped around the house, many times begrudgingly, but dishes, laundry and yard work were some of the things I helped with. My mom’s way of teaching me to work was by doing it first. I have been inspired by other mothers who are so good at teaching their children at young ages that they can consistently help the home run well. Many of my friends have rotating chore charts, cleaning zones and great incentives. Being a bit of a control freak, it has been hard for me to delegate certain jobs to my small children. Some chores I have relinquished to the young ones is putting dishes away, gathering trash and replacing trash bags, setting the table, tidying the playroom, cleaning windows and putting away laundry. Yes, I cringe when my daughter drops a newly cleaned dish or get frustrated when my children put all of the toys in the same bin instead of spreading things out in particular categories, but they are working and feeling a part of the whole. Parents who are good at involving everyone in the work of the home take the time to teach everyone how to do the job. This usually involves doing the chore with them the first few times. It certainly takes extra time for us to model the work, but later, time will be saved when children can do the job well on their own. I also always emphasize that a job worth doing is worth doing right the first time. I emphasize the reward of saving time to my girls because I know they are motivated by being able to move onto to doing something more fun. Trust your children to do the work, once you have shown by example. My mom would let me do the dishes, but I would catch her re-doing the dishes later, and it was pretty disheartening for me. When my little one folds laundry, it looks more

like a ball of fabric than a crisp fold, but I take their work, sometimes help them do it better, say thank you and put it in the pile to put away. Trust your family to carry some of the work in your home. It helps you and it teaches them valuable lessons about work. Work is a wonderful way for children to see that their attitude, skills and willingness add to a happy home. Everyone will feel needed and loved when they have work. Even when jobs seem odious and annoying, once it is all done, the satisfaction is worth getting over the thought of beginning. Resilient children believe they can do hard things and then do. The more times your kids overcome a challenge or difficult problem, the more they can see their grit pay off. Whether it is chores, a commitment to a team or a school project, your children need opportunities to keep working when they fail or falter, not just when the job is easy or when a large reward is dangling in front of them. Give your children ownership of the space that they use every day and keep them accountable for the work of their life. They will appreciate home more as they maintain the care and improvement of it and they will learn they can be the master of themselves.

TIP: When you tackle renovations or big home projects, involve the children as much as possible. During our basement refresh I allowed my then six-year-old to paint, and I was really nervous at first. She did a great job and had a healthy respect for what I was doing after getting sore arms and getting tired.

Enjoy and appreciate the work in your home and show yourself and your family that the work is worth the effort.

MAKE ROOM FOR COLOR

I want you to come behind the scenes and in my brain for a while. One of the first things I did for my living room design was to choose the colors that I wanted. The fireplace in our living room was a dark brown and I had always wanted to paint it, but I made it work for a long time because I was tired from painting the rest of the house and because I didn’t want to take down all the shelves and create a nicer, more custom shelving unit on both sides of the fireplace. But, like every journey, I started with one step. My on-going thoughts of a white fireplace turned into action.

NOTE: All beautiful designs begin in your mind first. Don’t skip the planning or you will be lost throughout the process.

The primer got pulled out and the fireplace got a new coat all before my husband got home from work. I thought he might be upset, but instead I think he was relieved that I was doing something instead of talking to him about it over and over. The living room became a construction zone that day and it took months to put it all back together, but that first step started with knowing that I wanted different colors in my home and the vision is my reality now. Here are the parts of a room I consider for color, followed by my thought process for a specific room in my house, my living room. Think about these room elements—walls, flooring, furniture, etc. when you are trying to choose colors for your home. 1. Walls, Flooring: I love white walls. White is bright and it is like a favorite

pair of jeans…it goes with everything. My floors are already a nice natural wood flooring, so that did not need to be changed. 2. Furniture: Since I chose a leather sofa, I will add pops of similar natural colors through the décor. 3. Additional/accent colors: I want to add pops of blue because it will work well with the kitchen colors that are open to the living room, is calming and makes me happy. I also want some pink and gold in the room, but very subtle. 4. Incorporating what is already there: To incorporate the already-painted black fireplace I will add some black through the lamp, the coffee table and the black and white art on the wall. I love the contrast of black and white. 5. Sticking to the color scheme: Now that I know I love all of these colors and they work well together, I will only add these colors, along with natural colors like the color of wood, glass or plants.

NOTE: For a very cohesive look throughout your house, use your preferred color scheme throughout the entire home.

I made very intentional choices with everything I bought so that it would work well within the color scheme that I chose. Several times I bought art or an item that I thought would work well and then when I brought it home to put in the space, it was the wrong colors. Sometimes it was the wrong shade or tone and other times it was too saturated. These words will be defined later, and it will help you to see color objectively and strategically. “COLOR CAN SWAY THINKING, CHANGE ACTIONS, AND CAUSE REACTIONS.”

—MORTON, 2018 Now that you understand how I thought about color, begin noting the colors that surround you right now. Color matters, and the most powerful way to prove it is to show you.

Our Living Room at Move In

Phase 1

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Kitchen at Move In

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Front Room at Move In

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Basement at Move In

Now I walked into my new home and saw the red tiles and old, dingy blue paint and was ready to walk right out. My husband was not impressed either. But the cabinets were white, and after we didn’t find any other homes in our price range with the amount of square footage and yard, I decided I might be able to work with the colors. I am glad that I gave it a second look since it is now the place I call home. I share this initial apprehension of our home with you because it challenged me to figure out how to pick paint colors for every room. We bought our first home in July 2015. I was, simply put, obsessive about finding the right home. I had grandiose dreams of the home I would get, and those dreams usually exceeded our pocketbook. Nevertheless, I was determined

to find something that would work for our first adventure as homeowners. Since my husband is a horseman and rancher, we looked for property that had land at first, but the land that was in our price range came with very old homes. I was not impressed, and, in the end, Cody conceded to getting a home in the city with a fenced backyard and space for a garden. The reality was that he didn’t have the time to maintain acreage and animals and keep up with his demanding job as a welding engineer. When we first toured our home, we were not interested. The most daunting thing to get over was the colors. Color matters! There were so many colors and not a single one of them elicited the feelings I wanted. As you have seen by the pictures, we had dark brown, green, red tile in the kitchen, baby blue, navy blue, greenish blue, red, green, and lavender. Along with the colors, was a pungent smell near the front door from their two dogs and seven children. Again, I was not impressed. We kept looking, but there were also things we loved about the house. The floor plan was roomy, there was a fenced backyard, convenient location, mature trees, white kitchen cabinets and it was under budget. My main level laundry room and a spacious master bath were not in the package, but I was hopeful I could make it work. One of the first requirements for considering the home livable was painting the interior. I had never painted a house before, and I, naively, thought it would be easy to paint it in its entirety. We pounded out three bedrooms in two days. It was completely exhausting, and we made a lot of rookie mistakes, but I did pick colors that I loved and were neutral enough for us to enjoy now and keep the home marketable. Although we painted most of the upstairs before moving in, the downstairs and basement were original. We were overwhelmed at the thought of more painting after our whirlwind painting shenanigans, so I stared at the remaining, dark foreboding colors for much too long. The colors impacted me more than I

realized. I would find myself getting angry, frustrated and sad when I saw the colors that I didn’t like. I realized that the colors carried weight and I wanted to understand why I was drawn to different colors.

Colors and the Human Response Color adds variety and beauty to life. Changing colors is an easy way to change the feeling and appearance of a room and in combination with the flooring, furniture and decor, colors make interior design a functional art.

BLUE. Do you feel serene seeing this color? What things in nature are blue? A placid lake or a clear blue sky usually call you to sit and enjoy, right? Well, rooms with a primary color of blue tend to invite our minds to relax and sit awhile. The color in this photo was compared to a robin’s egg. You can always compare colors to the natural world to determine if that color is something you can handle every time you walk into a room. Also, the color blue tinted (muted by adding white or gray) can look and feel more expensive.

GREEN. What is green in nature? Grass and foliage. What does green mean to you? I think of growth and renewal. I also think of energy which is fitting since green can stimulate conversation and fun. Houseplants is a wonderful way to bring green into your interiors. We had an entire room painted John Deere green when we moved in and this was overwhelming and too dark.

PURPLE. Think royalty with purple. It is a sign of wealth and power. It can be paired with another royal color, gold. It is dramatic and connotes a combination of sorrow and passion. A muted purple is beautiful in little girls’ rooms and vanities and suggests refinement. The darker shade of purple can tire the eyes, so use this color with care.

RED. This bold color encourages passionate feelings of love or hate. In nature, a hot fire, blood and roses wear the color well and represent much of the powerful feelings associated with the color. This color demands attention and adds life to a room. This color, too, needs to be used with discretion. I have yet to see a room with the dominant color of red that I like. I don’t need to feel fear or aggression or to have my heart rate to speed up, which are all results and emotions associated with the color red.

YELLOW. I always think of a warm ray of sunshine when I think of yellow. I personally love the color yellow. It is a bright and cheerful color that infuses

energy into a room. Paired with gray, it is balanced and beautiful. There is an innocent happiness, light and intellectualism in the color. But a dull yellow can be associated with sickness, aging, and cowardice, so you may want to avoid decorating an entire room this way…think of the short story “The Yellow Wallpaper.”

ORANGE. This is a fearless color that asserts youthfulness, spontaneity and sociality. In nature we see it in the burnt orange of the fall leaves and in the fruit that shares the color’s name. This color stimulates breathing, immunity, and brain activity. It is also used to signify caution or insincerity. My favorite color to combine orange with its complement on the color wheel, blue.

GRAY. Think of a rock. It is nondescript, yet it carries weight and looks beautiful with other colors. Gray is a popular color that looks smart, sleek and goes with most colors. It is a color of peace, longevity and wisdom. A negative aspect of gray is that is emotionless and can be monotonous. Nearly all the walls in my house are gray because it is a steady color and people who use gray “prefer a safe and balanced existence” (Przybyla, 2019).

WHITE. Heavenly, clean, innocent. We see this color in nature through clouds, snow, and lamb fleece. It is a light and airy color that reflects light well and gives a sense of sterility. This color is also a neutral color that luminates other colors well. Right now, most kitchens are white, but it isn’t boring when pops of color through accessories, appliances, hardware and art get to take the center stage too. Be careful with whites in spaces that do not have natural light because the artificial lighting can change how the white looks. This color can also lead to feelings of emptiness, unfriendliness or indecision.

BROWN. This is an earthy color that reminds us of dirt, trees, and Mother Earth. It is a color that elicits feelings of coziness and safety; brown invites us to sit, rest and be content. I chose tan and brown for my living room at first for this very reason. It is the room I want to snuggle into a blanket and read a good book in.

BLACK. The contrast with black and white is stunning. Black is associated with dignity and sophistication. Notice that most professionals wear black–the fact that it visually slims the body is only one reason. There is mystery with black and in western cultures it is associated with death and negativity. For the home, black adds glamour and formality to a room. Black, like white, is a classic color that will always have a place in interiors.

Color Theory Now that you know more about color psychology, we can learn how to use these colors in your spaces intentionally. Most of you want to know more about color because you need to pick paint colors, choose the color of your furniture or decide on a whole color scheme for a room or house. I will first give you a basic look at color and then we will break it down and apply to the projects that you might want to work on. To make a good decision you need to understand the color wheel and there are tools like Color Schemer and Palleton that can be super helpful too.

Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary Most rooms will have: A primary color (red, yellow or blue) A secondary color (orange, green, purple) And tertiary colors (red-orange, yellow orange, yellow-green, blue-green, blue-violet, and red-violet) *Tertiary colors are made by mixing a fully saturated primary color with half saturation of another primary color and no third primary color mixed in. (See examples of these colors (primary, secondary, and tertiary/intermediate) on the Color Wheel.) Using more than three colors in a room can create a busy and chaotic feeling, but there are examples of rooms that have broken this rule and have gotten away with it. Most of the time, these cases are people who are breaking the rule on purpose though. Start simply and then you can break rules later.

Which Colors Look Good Together? Take a look at the classic types circles on page 59. One circle is analogous; it is a group of colors that work well together, usually tied to a primary color. In the case above, the main color is red. The three colors to the side of red will look nice with the main color. Another example would be blue and the three colors to the right (blue-violet, violet and red-violet). This is a way to get the primary, secondary and tertiary colors. The next color combination that works well is complementary. These colors are across from each other on the color wheel. As you can see above, violet and yellow are complementary colors. Choose any color on the wheel and look straight across and you will find a workable color combo. Split complementary is a primary color and two colors that are next to the complementary color that create a triangle. See the explanation below with the image example similar to the one above. There are three more types (triad, rectangle and square) that you can see on page 59.

Hue, Value, and Saturation Hue is the name of the colors that we see on the color wheel. Value is the degree of lightness or darkness. Saturation is the intensity of the color: brightness and purity.

Creating Color Variations with Tint, Shade, and Tone Tint is adding white to create muted colors. Shade is darkening color with black.

Tone is darkening a color with gray.

A Guide for How Much of Each Color to Use (60, 30, 10) It can be helpful to remember that you will decorate with a main color (60 percent), a secondary color (30 percent) and an accent color (10 percent). With some understanding of the color wheel, color combinations and color manipulatives, the first step to using color well is to list the dominant colors in your current space. What color are your walls? What color is the furniture? What color is the flooring? The walls, furniture and flooring will be your most dominant colors. You are simply finding the colors that have the most coverage in your spaces. Now, what color are the decorations, wall art, rugs, and lighting fixtures? If you list a new color for every single thing I have asked about, it may be okay, but you will need to check. For example, if you have an orange lamp, and a blue painting, you have used complementary colors and they will look lovely together. If all the colors are different and have no intentional connection, you need to make a color palette that will improve the look of your space. The general guide is to use no more than three main colors in a room. I will use my living room as an example again. My walls are tan, my floor is wood (brown) and I use pops of coral, white and black. All of these colors, except the coral are neutral and work well together. I wanted the room to be a place of comfort and relaxation, so I chose the tan for the walls to complement the already brown flooring, furniture and fireplace. I also wanted a sense of cleanliness, so I chose to decorate with a lot of white. The black frames were simply what I had, and they look fine. The coral comes from a themed wall that I created a long time ago. I always check to see if the colors I have around are serving me well. Now that I have learned more, I am eager to experiment with more color, but it will take some time to replace items. This will be the case for you, too. If you have wall art that brings you joy, but

totally doesn’t gel with the rest of the room, consider it in a new space or place it where it brings you joy and then coordinate the room around the colors in the art. I will not put something on the wall unless it looks good with the whole room and brings me joy when I see it. I have become pickier and it has saved me heartache, regret and money. If you design a room or hire someone to design a room for you, colors will be considered in relation to the style you wish to have in the room, which will be covered in another chapter.

Steps to Choosing Paint Colors Be a Careful Curator The colors of my home were chosen through in-person or online experiences. I looked at Pinterest, magazines, catalogs, books, and nature. It is your turn to start taking note of the interiors that you love and save them somewhere you can find them again to inspire you. Remember that God is the perfect artist and he knows how to combine colors, so collect color combinations from the natural world too. God is the master of beauty and function. My kitchen colors are actually inspired by an IKEA kitchen in their catalog. I took the picture with me to the hardware store and found a color that I felt matched well. Another paint color in my home was inspired by the colors that I gravitated toward while we shopped for a home: gray with white trim. To add color and cheer, I used yellow as the accent color in my front room. The other wall colors used in my home are natural tan and alabaster white; I chose them because of the feeling I wanted to create in the space: comfort, relaxation and cleanliness. Carefully curate inspiration from the world around you and from the feelings you intend to create. Remember to use the color psychology to help you choose colors too. Take Inventory of What you Already Have

Many of us don’t have the luxury of starting completely over, but we can all improve with what we already have. Since you have only kept things that bring you joy from work in previous chapters, see if there is a pattern of colors in your items. Your closet is a good place to look, too. A woman who only keeps blushes and blues for her tops can already determine that those colors bring her joy. Let your items inspire the colors you surround yourself with. Another example is if you have an art piece that makes your heart sing every time you see it; let it guide the color choices for the throw pillows, furniture, and or accessories in the room. The artwork has a style too and that can help you narrow down your style as well. When Rooms Collide The next part of choosing colors is being careful about the rooms that are open to each other. With open concepts being popular, it is essential that the colors that meet jive in the same space. Having all the same colors on the walls is safe and can free up your brain space for choosing colors of other pieces. Wall color is a great way to make a large impact in a room though, so don’t skip it. There are stunning accent walls with bold, beautiful colors or modern wallpaper. Also, if you have a cookie cutter home, paint is also a fun way to add character. The best way to choose colors for rooms that will connect is to turn to the experts: paint companies or interior designers. When I considered the colors of my home, I noticed that HGTV Sherwin Williams team had already created color palettes that worked together seamlessly. I considered the function of each room that I wanted to paint. I wanted the kitchen to feel clean and crisp, so I chose a light bluish gray for the walls and painted the backsplash tile white. For the family room, I was aiming to feel comfortable and relaxed, so I knew neutral colors would work well, along with the brown that was already present in the fireplace and the furniture we had for the room. I chose Sherwin Williams Natural Tan and it was presented on a preapproved palette with the SW Storm Cloud color in my kitchen. I have since re-

painted my living room, but again, it still works with the colors it connects with. So, even if you are not a color theorist or a certified interior designer, you can use resources available to you: Pre-picked color combinations that the paint companies create, painting a picture of your room virtually with technology like Sherwin Williams’s Color Snap (bit.ly/SWCS_MR) or Benjamin Moore’s Personal Color Viewer (bit.ly/BMCP_MR), and websites like ColorSchemer.com and Palleton.com. The best way to check colors is putting it on your walls, but using the digital tools can be helpful. Overcoming the Fear of Putting Paint to Walls I recently bought two paint colors for our basement renovation. Right before I put the second color on the wall, I was a bit nervous to put the accent color on the walls. I thought of my blog readers and I understood, for a moment, how people feel who can’t decide. It can be scary to commit, but the beauty is that you are not locked into a color. Yes, you bought paint that likely cannot be returned, but you can always change the color and the paint may have use elsewhere. Start with the smaller paint samples to eliminate waste. I put the accent paint color on the wall (a small portion near the main color, white, and found that I didn’t like it. At first I thought, but I did so much research about this color and there are examples of how great this looks together. But then I realized something: it didn’t matter that I had planned to use the color; I was going to do what I liked best and what I felt served the room best. Since it is a basement, natural light is almost non-existent, so sticking with the original white looked best and brought me joy. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes and do the testing with small samples of paint colors before you pay for the gallons of paint. I had not painted with color samples that cost a few dollars and it cost me 40+ when I had an unused gallon of paint. I have plans for the unused paint thankfully, and you can do that too.

Choosing Paint Colors is Possible

Start collecting inspiration from nature, online and print sources. Pay attention to the homes that you go to and how you feel. Take note of the prominent colors in the rooms. Consider what you already own and what you plan to buy. Have an overall purpose for each room in your home. Take inventory of the rooms that are open to each other and how the colors will look when seen together. Use resources available to you to make an informed paint color decision. Listen to your heart and family and gain the knowledge that will aid your choices. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes but do the work up front to save you money and time. To recap, put the colors on the walls first and watch them throughout the different times of the day to make sure you love them. Use the technology available through many paint companies to “try on” colors in your rooms.

NOW WHAT? Write down the three dominant/main colors in the space you are working on. Make a collection of rooms on Pinterest that you love and consider the colors in the rooms for inspiration. Do you have a piece of artwork that you adore and could use as color inspiration for a room? If so, list the artwork you love best. Write down things in nature that you love and see if it could inspire a color scheme. Ask yourself, what color do I always gravitate toward when I want to buy clothes or other items?

What colors can produce the psychological feelings I would like in a certain room? Get samples or try colors in rooms digitally. Once you have colors chosen, don’t hesitate and remember, nothing is permanent.

Make Room for Play Exploring colors can be fun and exciting and exploring our life should be fun and exciting too. Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we get old; we get old because we stop playing.” Are you staying young because you have the “happy talent” of knowing how to play? Cody, my husband, knows how to have a good time. He can let the cares of the world melt away and embrace a beautiful moment. I, on the other hand, have one memory of my dad giving me advice, and he said, “Stop and smell the roses.” I am good at working hard, but I do not easily let my hair down. I take myself a bit too seriously sometimes and although I like to laugh as much as the next person, I am usually on a mission to complete some big project—assigned by another or myself. I have to be more intentional about having a good time and sometimes I have to be reminded to play. I remember visiting my grandparents in Utah; I would complain and complain about how long the trip was taking. I have patience the size of a push pin and the destination has always been more important than the journey to me. I am results-driven and the faster I can get results, the better. Or at least that is what I convince myself to believe. My mom would look out the window in her calm and content manner and say, “Lucy, look out the window and enjoy the drive.” Now I say that to my kids and they sigh. I still have to make myself relax, but once I do, life is so much more bearable. Constant deadlines and self-induced stress are not the formula for a long life and everyone should have time to play. There are actual reports of people in Japan who are dying of over-work—the word for it in Japan is Karoshi (Berke, 2018). People work so hard to live and then they or their employers don’t allow time to enjoy the fruits of their labor! This example is ironic since I mentioned in the Make Room for Healthy Mind

and Body section that the Japanese people have traditional dietary habits that are credited for long life. What good is it to eat healthy if you use all your energy to work yourself to death? Make play happen for you and your family. To schedule fun into your home may seem very unspontaneous, but the more intentional you are about having joy in your home, the better. Embrace the ages and stages of your family and enjoy each other every day in some way. Laughter and smiles are the antidote for so many challenges. Both Cody and I come from families that enforced a work-first-then-play mindset, and I have been grateful for that. As I have had my own family I have encouraged my children to challenge themselves, but then I have tried to show them that once the work is done, they are free to fully enjoy the play time. Unstructured time is a great opportunity for experimenting and creativity too, so encourage it in healthy doses. My young daughters surprise me all the time when I give them the space to simply play. They imitate what they see, use crazy objects as props and have hilarious conversations. They are exploring, learning, creating and having fun all along the way. The relationships that are fostered in a home are much more important than the appearance of your home. Don’t let your pride or your work ethic interfere with times of recreation and relaxation. Some of my favorite moments in my home have been when I am completely relaxed, snuggling with my kids, reading books, riding bikes, dancing or taking a walk. The house is sometimes a mess or a deadline still looming, but we pause to love life. In regard to your home, let yourself play. Experiment with colors, try out a style that you are nervous to display and let the process of creating a home be a happy and enjoyable process instead of a major stressor.

YOUR TURN 1. Sit down with your family and find potential activities that are fun, in budget, and appealing to everyone. If you are discouraged because you have very small children and spend most of your time fitting in naps and feedings, remember that fun can be simple, and your children will grow and the bigger adventures will be accessible. Snuggle your babies longer when you feel deprived of a social life . . . and write in your gratitude journal. 2. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you can’t have fun as you decorate your home. Color, your family, and your mind is a beautiful and diverse gift God has given you to enjoy.

MAKE ROOM FOR FUNCTION

I have to admit it has taken me years to get my kitchen to function properly, and I still have some work to do. The kitchen is a workhorse and it deserves your attention, but all the rooms in your house deserve your attention too. Here are some questions you need to ask yourself as you evaluate your space: Can I do what I need to do in this space without impediment? If your answer is no, then ask, what is getting in the way of being efficient in this room? Another way to evaluate function is what I call P.E.C. (pronounced like peck): Pause, Evaluate, and Create a System. There was a time I seriously wanted to pull my hair out because I could not find a pair of shoes for each of my children when it was time to leave the house, usually in a rush. So, this problem led me to: Pausing to see the problem was happening over and over. I couldn’t leave the house in a timely manner because I couldn’t find shoes. Evaluating what the root of the problem was, which was too many shoes and the right shoes not in the right place. Creating a system that got rid of all the shoes that did not fit anymore and placing one pair of season-appropriate shoes per person in a cubby near the door. Your home should function for you and your family, so P.E.C. away at your spaces. Here is another example of someone evaluating function. Every time Susan sits down, there are magazines and books on her sofa. It is awesome that she is

reading, but she should feel welcomed and invited by her sofa, not repelled by the mess. So now we know what the culprit is, what can she do to make it better?

Well, this is the fun part. Susan needs a space for her books and magazines. It needs to be a place that is easy for her to put the items in and to retrieve when needed. She happens to have blank wall space above her sofa. It bothers her that there is nothing there and she has been looking for months for a piece of art to hang. Susan can now put beautiful, creative, bookshelves there instead. It is a space that is easy to get to and functions super well since she always sits at the sofa to read. She has not only eliminated a mess and made her room more functional, she has created meaningful art in a blank space. If her books are always laying around, it is likely that books are special to her and seeing her books in a fun, eye-catching way each day will bring her joy! Pop in a few cherished items amongst the books that can double as book ends and she has created a personal work of art.

Ask the right questions about the function of your space and be vigilant about noticing when your home is frustrating you. Here are some questions to ask yourself about a space you are evaluating for function. Usually the best time to ask these questions is when you are getting frustrated about a room. What do I do the most in this space? Is there room for these activities? What things are making it hard for my space to function well? What bothers me about this space consistently? What do I love about this space? What are the changes I can make to create efficiency, beauty and peace?

Evaluate different functions of your space Consider what goes on in your home and if those activities are supported by your environment.

Every day The things we do the most of in our space is eat, sleep and work. Do you have places for each of these basic tasks that are functioning well? For example, can you find the kitchen tools you need when you need them? Are you constantly picking up the same item and placing it in a different spot each time? Does your bedroom help you feel rested and peaceful before you go to bed? Is there a place your mind can be distraction free so you can focus on the work that needs your attention?

Learning Is there a space to read and relax? It is so important to invite yourself and your family to slow down and learn more about themselves and the world around them. Maybe it is a reading nook under the stairs or a desk and chairs in the basement. Wherever it is, let it be an organized space with all the tools you need to learn.

Entertainment To feel real satisfaction in your space, you need to be able to invite others in with ease and joy. Consider the amount of seating, dishes and space you have for guests. Think of their comfort first and help them to feel completely welcome and comfortable in your home. When you entertain, plan and you will be much less stressed. After you do all that you can to make your guests’ visit pleasant, let little things go while they are there. Having family and friends over is more about the relationship building than you keeping control over every aspect of the gathering. Also, I struggle not to feel like it is my responsibility to keep

everyone happy all the time. Once you have created an inviting and beautiful space, remember that they now have the choice to enjoy their visit or not. What they think about you or your home is none of your business.

For You Everyone needs to have a place where their mind can be clear to meditate, brainstorm and rest. My most productive space is in my bedroom and in my front room because there are strict rules for these spaces: No clutter, no kids, and filled with beautiful things that bring me joy. Find your happy place in your home and guard it.

For Kids Kids need to have a place they can have fun without fear of ruining your heirlooms and special things. Open spaces are perfect for kids because they can fill them with their imagination and the necessary toys. Toys don’t have to take over spaces, but when they are out, the kids need to have a place to use them comfortably. Kids also need personal space. My room was a very special place for me growing up. My mother was wise enough to interfere very little and the freedom she gave me encouraged my creativity and style. I am so thankful that she was not too worried about the look and far more interested in seeing what I decided to do in the space. I see the pictures on Pinterest of kids’ rooms and I drool, but I also know that Jane loves the pictures she has drawn and doesn’t care if it is placed on the wall a certain way. She loves her toys even when they start to clutter the surfaces. For a social media or feature picture of a room, yes, clean it up and get that photo, but in real life, let them have some room to do what they want with one space in the house. One step beyond giving them literal and figurative space, is getting involved in helping them make it unique to them. Ask them the types of questions you have asked yourself and help them determine what kind of feeling and function they

want for the room. Help them get rid of the things that are keeping them from feeling peaceful in the space. It will be a great opportunity to bond and more practice for you on the principles of order and style for your whole home.

For Marriage The core of the family and a happy home is two people who love each other. A loving relationship deserves some spaces. I have three little girls, so I know that sometimes it doesn’t feel like there is a space for Cody and me to be a married couple, but I have been surprised at the spaces that bring us joy. The kitchen is a place where we cook and talk, dance and tease and question our children as they eat on their barstools. Cody will kiss and hug me in front of the children and our kids see our love in this space. It does not matter what size your kitchen is; it is a gathering space and as long as you are there together, it can be a haven for marriage. Another obvious space for a marriage is the master bedroom. We don’t really have a “suite”, but it is where we can be alone together without interruption— sometimes. We have had some really great conversations and have been able to enjoy being close without a daughter saying “Gross” or screaming because she is mad that Cody is giving me a hug. (One of my daughters is super protective of me.)

NOW WHAT? Figure out what aspect of your house is not working well. Ask the right questions about your space and use P. E.C. (Pause, Evaluate, and Create a System). Do you have a place to feel peaceful and rested? Do you feel welcomed to learn or entertain in certain spaces? Figure out the functions of your home that are important to you and then

find a way to improve in each category.

Make Room for Learning “BE LIKE THE BAMBOO. THE HIGHER YOU GROW THE DEEPER YOU BOW.” —CHINESE PROVERB When I sat down to figure out what my top three values were, I struggled to pare the list down, but in the end, learning was number three, after my faith and family. I hope this shows you how important this concept is to me. I simply cannot stop learning. I was one of those freakish kids that loved to be in school and thrived. I have actually thought to myself, please just stop for a while, because I’m tired. I am certain my family gets tired of Mom’s next obsession too. Although my family and I are exhausted at times, the results of my efforts to learn are worth all of the pain. My life is blessed with many wonderful experiences and my capacity to serve has been widened as I continue to learn. I have reviewed countless papers, taught many lessons, encouraged others, created websites, recorded special moments and transformed spaces. I could not do any of these things if I stopped learning. Each of the following subjects are attached to hours of study, practice, failure and success: English literature, writing, education, photography, interior decorating, personal development, and leadership. I add to this list continually and keep trying to master the subjects already listed. There is always, always more to learn. Let the idea that you are never done excite you instead of depress you. If you have the attitude that you have not arrived yet, you will always be able to learn more. Are you taking time to learn and teach in your home? You deserve continued education and so does your family.

There have been times that I felt like my formal education and training were being wasted because I am at home most of the day with little people. I am wrong to feel this way. I see my children and know without a doubt that they deserve the best education that can be provided. I am determined to make my home a place of learning— a forever classroom. The most important lessons a child will ever learn will be in the home and the best teachers are those who love their pupils and have prepared themselves to impart wisdom. I believe every parent should consider themselves a teacher, and if parents believe this, they will want to continue learning so they can be that teacher. What makes a great teacher? To answer this, I want you to reflect on who your favorite teacher is. What made him or her amazing and how did they make such an impact on you? Your favorite teacher was likely a perfect blend of caring, smart and confident. Now, consider what kind of teacher your family needs. Yes, they need you to be caring, smart and confident. This will require you to continue cultivating your talents and mind.

YOUR TURN 1. Go to the library and pick out three books on topics you want to learn more about. 2. Begin a project that scares you and at the same time excites you. 3. As you learn new things, share them with your family. 4. If you have small children, find ways to introduce them to the world around them in fun ways. I always start with simply reading with my kids. 5. Take advantage of what I call the in-between moments in life. The inbetween moments are when you are tucking kids into bed, driving to soccer practice, washing dishes together, planting a garden or simply eating lunch.

6. When your children speak to you, listen carefully. When they ask questions, answer thoughtfully. The lessons that will sink deep into their hearts are the ones that come organically, so always be prepared. Your learning has a far-reaching impact on the happiness of your home. Don’t neglect learning and you will have treasures that will not be left behind when you leave Earth.

MAKE ROOM FOR THE RIGHT INVENTORY

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o, you have now cleaned, decluttered, sorted, and checked the colors and function of your space. Now it is time to see what you have left. My hope is that all you have left are items and colors that meet your needs and style. Look around; is everything left in the space looking like it belongs? If you see something and you question its place, you need to go back to the beginning with that item. Does it make me happy? Is it the right color? (Tip: Remember that if you love it and it functions well, changing color can be as simple as paint, paint brush and time, so don’t be too hasty to throw away items that aren’t jiving color-wise.) Does it help my space function? If the item is cool looking but gets in the way of the purpose of the room, it may need a new place. If an item doesn’t make the cut during this inventory it is time to put it in the sell, give away or throw away pile. Now, the other thing I hope has happened is that you now see gaps in the room. You now have an empty wall or bookshelf space. You have a large gap in furniture? Don’t be afraid! Again, this is the fun part! That blank space simply means an opportunity to fill it with something you love and will work better. If I could decorate a blank/empty room every day of my life, I would be a happy woman! You are so

blessed to now have projects that are full of purpose and potential.

NOW WHAT? Make a list of things that you have decided to keep and where they could potentially go. Just because an item has been in a particular spot for a long time does not mean it has to stay there. With chosen colors and style, you can place things more strategically. Create a list of items you need to fill the gaps in the rooms of your home. This list is vital to success in the shopping section and also vital to staying within a budget. Remember, don’t be afraid of emptiness. It is better to have nothing in your space than to have something that disgusts or bothers you every time you see it.

Make Room for Time Taking inventory of yourself is just as important as taking inventory of your possessions for creating a stylish home. Are you spending your time wisely? There is a TED talk about how the introduction of the washing machine in thirdworld countries changed life for all of the women living there. Time opened up for these women to read and even attend school. Truly this one invention changed lives. I look around at my house full of conveniences: dishwasher, washer and dryer, electricity, clean water, central heating and cooling, toilets and more. Instead of growing my food, I get into my vehicle and pick up food at my grocery store around the corner. Everything in my life saves me time, but for what? If you have any of these conveniences, you have been given much, and where much is given, much is expected. We should consider ourselves accountable to a higher standard in time consumption because we live in some of the best conditions this world can offer right now. Are you squandering the time you have been given on selfish or idle pursuits? Is your time spent on the things you love most, like your family, your personal passions and needs, and service to those in need? The best way to self-evaluate your time use is to consider your return on investment. Will the results of your thoughts and deeds be fleeting or lasting? Your answer will help you determine if your time is well-spent. Too many times I have caught myself scrolling through my phone or computer for upwards of an hour. Nothing is accomplished and sometimes my scrolling leaves me feeling depleted and disappointed versus refreshed and confident. The return on my investment of meandering media: pitiful. When I spend my time writing, reading, playing with or teaching my children, spending time with friends or helping someone else, the return is a lot more rewarding. I feel full of

love, new ideas and renewed energy—this is the return I am interested in. Media is loud and enticing and can easily distract you from the best things. Anything that involves you paying more attention to a screen or virtual reality more than real life can be a distraction. I am not going to name specific media sources, but again, evaluate their value and how they impact you. I have had good experiences with media too, but it has been because I was intentional about its use. How much time have you spent on media in the last week? If you are not keen on adding it up, it may be time for a media fast. I have a a bachelor’s degree in English Education and a Master’s in English. I have taught English courses for nearly twelve years now. As an instructor at Brigham Young University-Idaho, I always challenged my students to avoid all media (other than for school) for a week. It was not a requirement, but they all had to write a response about the experience. I loved to read about their new perspective when they took the challenge, and even when they didn’t. All the students were aware that media can be a major distraction from the things that matter more. One student told me he lay on his bed and stared at their ceiling in complete boredom and one even took the challenge so seriously that they stayed home while everyone else went to the movies. Others expressed gratitude for the challenge because they ended up going on a hike with their significant other or they spent time with friends in real-time. People who omitted media and didn’t replace it with something wholesome thought the challenge was dumb and boring and had no intention of doing a media fast again. So, the key is not to just stop staring at your screens and then lie staring at your ceiling; it is to do something awesome and value-based instead. Always show time and your distractions who is boss, or you will become a passive participant in your own life. During a dark and confusing time, I found guidance in the scriptures. I ended up

finding and posting one scripture passage on my bedroom wall: “FOR WHOSOEVER WILL SAVE HIS LIFE SHALL LOSE IT: BUT WHOSOEVER WILL LOSE HIS LIFE FOR MY SAKE, THE SAME SHALL SAVE IT.” —LUKE CHAPTER 9:24 My life needed saving, so I decided to start thinking less about myself. I looked for ways to serve those around me every day. As the scripture promised, I was saving myself as I looked to lose my life in good works. Are you spending too much time thinking about yourself? I am a huge advocate of self-care as I mention in another part of this book, but I also believe that thinking only of myself is a risky, consuming activity. Take care of yourself through enough sleep, alone time, nutrition, exercise and positive self-love, but remember that one of the reasons we need to take care of ourselves is to be able to serve others, especially our families. Sometimes our worst enemy is our own internal thoughts; we can get lost in self-pity, self-loathing and general selfishness too easily. If you are miserable, consider if it is because you are serving too much or serving too little. Look outward even when your heart may not want to follow at first, and you will see yourself and your circumstances in a new light. Winston Churchill said, “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” Dig deep and prioritize your time so that you avoid regret and build yourself, your home, and others. You can and should add light to a world that is increasingly dark and that will require your time.

YOUR TURN 1. What activity or thoughts can I get rid of to maximize my time?

2. What activity or thoughts do I want to embrace to replace destructive time management?

MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR STORY & STYLE

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ur homes should tell a unique story and that story can shape your style. Cody is a cowboy. The mountains or the wide-open spaces of a ranch are his rest and rejuvenation. Some of his favorite memories are when he was on his family’s ranch in Mexico riding horses and helping his grandpa feed cattle, rounding up cattle on the ranch and being alone with the land. His hands can make incredible things and his mind works for real-time projects, not for tests and homework. I am a homebody. My favorites are getting lost in a good book, sitting in the sunshine while I write or chasing my kids around the house as a tickle monster. I am an introvert with extrovert goals. Being hot and sweaty or around bugs always sounds like a bad idea. I can be tough when I want to, but I choose comfort. I am a forever student who was appalled when Cody could count on one hand how many books he enjoyed reading growing up. Our worlds intersected in August 2007. I was drawn to his quiet kind mannerisms. I found out he was a small-town boy with no guile; I was endeared even more. I won’t speak for Cody, but he was attracted enough to marry me and our journey of figuring out how to blend our opposing worlds began. Our living room is a perfect example of our worlds combining. Cody’s requests included reclining chairs (the light gray chairs actually recline) and displaying his grandfather’s reata and bosal (rawhide horse tack). See the photo at the beginning of this chapter and you will see what I am talking about. I was eager to showcase my love for clean lines, black and white and a touch of glam. I was able to meet my husband’s requests while still being true to my aesthetic. My greatest accomplishment in decorating my living room is using so

many items that have a story. A horse print speaks of the days Cody worked on a ranch training horses and caring for cattle. We were in the early dreaming stages of our life and those early dreams of eventually owning our own ranch are still strong in our hearts. The side table reminds me of our first date when Cody proudly showed me arrowheads he found as we forged a path down a desert mountain face. Each book signals a love of mine and hours of study. Our ancestor wall tells stories from the past that have shaped us. Our rooms are not just a look; they are our story and it makes us all happy. You can do the same thing in your home. I have a friend who never really thought about her style before buying her home and wanting to decorate it. I think there are a lot of people that have not explored what their style is because it is actually a journey and takes some self-reflection and honesty. Do you remember the movie Runaway Bride? She didn’t even know what kind of eggs she liked because she had simply chosen whatever her significant other liked. It took her a long time to really find out what she liked and what she wanted to do. You may be tempted to be like the runaway bride, choosing only what you think others will approve of, but in the end, inspiration should lead to a home as unique as you are. I have been interested in creating my own style since grade school. I remember overhearing my mom talk to a relative; she said that I liked to express myself through the way I dressed. I was bursting with pride when I realized my mother was aware of my attempts to define and redefine my style through my clothes, my room, and my writing. All that I did was self-expression, and it was so

important to me as a teenager and just as important now. We are meant to create and whether it is a home, an outfit or a meal, we can put our stamp on the creation and show parts of ourselves in the results. Once you do create and express, you can connect with others that relate to what you have made, or even find those who disagree and see a new perspective. If you don’t make something your own, you will never feel as connected as you could. The only way to refine style is to try out what you think you might like and be observant and self-aware as much as possible. Having your own style starts with being your own person. In a world full of constant images and copy that are created to make you think and feel a certain way, you will have to work hard to know how you really feel. Finding your style can be lonely because you may be the only one who thinks something is a good idea at first, but tastemakers and style makers have an internal approval system and because they are so confident, they give others permission to love it too. Learning my style has been hard-won. Like a diamond, a unique style is created through pressure and refinement. For example, one day on the playground, all my friends were holding hands, laughing and running around. The person holding my hand yanked her hand away, gave me a disgusted look and kept running away gleefully with the rest of the group. I still remember the sting of that moment. That was the first of many hurt feelings from this friend and other girls in this group. They taught me often, for years, that I didn’t fit in all the way. It was so painful at the time, but I can see how all the things that were happening to me were shaping me for good. By the time we went to high school, I was glad to start over with new friends and decisions. I walked onto my high school campus with an uncommon confidence, considering I had no friends. I knew that God loved me, and I would find friends that would be kind to me. I had a handful of good, new friends my freshman year. I was lonely at times, but I had my self-respect intact. By the time I was a senior, all the friends I had to walk away from, loved and respected me more, and I was liked by most everyone. I

was voted Best All Around and Homecoming Queen, despite hiding in the library some days to avoid sitting by myself at lunch. The approval of others I received after I decided I would be me no matter what is a stark contrast from the rejection I had experienced in middle school when I was desperate to be accepted. My ability to get along with and influence others was not because I fit in, but because I was okay being me—acne, nerdiness and all. I tried to treat everyone the way I liked to be treated and it was returned to me with time. At age fourteen I owned my decisions—they had nothing to do with conforming and everything to do with being true to my interests. I played the sports I liked, was involved in the clubs and groups that made sense to me, and pursued a path that was lonely, but authentic. I share these experiences because you need to understand yourself and be true to yourself before you can truly find and embrace your style and understand your story. As Brené Brown (2013) teaches, save a seat for your critic and remember that their opinion should not keep you from showing up to contribute and create. People who know themselves are pioneers; they pave the way for others and give permission for everyone they meet to be original. You can do this. So, if you are trying to duplicate someone else’s style, that is a start, but there are more steps to help you move past copying, and onto creating. Learn as much as you can and then acknowledge what you love without apology. You don’t need any excuse to love something and remember that you and your family are the ones interacting with this space every day. You don’t decorate for others; it is a personal investment. As I have helped people with design decisions, they always have a gut feeling about the direction they want to go, even before they ask me. When you listen to

the advice of those who may know more than you, you are being smart. When you make a decision based on what you love, you are being true. You can be both smart and true simultaneously. I recently interviewed a few of my family members about some pain points for them in regard to decorating and designing their homes. Almost all of them were not sure what their style is and even more didn’t know how to reconcile their current stuff and budget with their desire to create a stylish home. I will address these issues with some practical steps.

Identify and Reconcile Your Pain Points Pain Point 1 I don’t know what I like, I like all the styles, or I like everything about their style. Sometimes we don’t really take note about the things that we really like. One of the best pieces of advice I got before I started looking at homes was to be really observant of other people’s homes and pay attention when I saw homes online. I started to recognize what brings me joy when I encounter it. Some places to find inspiration is in your friends’ and family’s homes, Pinterest, Instagram, Houzz and other websites dedicated to showcasing interiors. With social media today, it is super easy to create your own vision board for your home. Keep a digital or hard copy record of the things you love. Be careful not to create unrealistic expectations for your home as you look for inspiration. Remember that the photos you see are staged and many times the budget exceeds your own. The point of this activity or gathering ideas is not to discourage you, it is to give you hope and inspiration for creation. The more you think about what makes your life story interesting and different, the more you can feel confident in the things that you love because they have meaning unique to you. If you can tell the story of the things in your home, you have your own style. There are few completely original designs, but your story is the only one like it.

Pain Point 2 I already have a lot of stuff I like, but it doesn’t look good together, or I don’t have money to buy all new things. The first problem of having a lot of stuff you love that doesn’t look good

together is actually the easiest to fix. The solution is rearranging. You love that collection of plates you found at a thrift store? No problem. Instead of using every single one, pick the ones with a complementary color scheme and hang them on your dining room wall. You adore the heirloom mirror you inherited but it is the only glamorous thing you own? Okay, let’s use it in the powder room instead of the clunky wood mirror in there right now. See the stuff you love as a store of cool things to place strategically in your home. Most of us own items that are a mix of styles, so we simply have to be creative about where to place them in order to create unity in our spaces. Also, your stuff may have seasons. I loved an item a year ago and it served me well, but now I am ready for a new look. It takes time to figure out your overall aesthetic, so be patient as you try to figure it out. Don’t hesitate to let go of something that you don’t love anymore or just doesn’t fit anymore. The next problem is that we don’t have money to replace the things we will get rid of when we are true to our style. Many of us have not bought everything that is now in our home. Many things we inherit or were given, so some of these things are naturally not going to be your style. Remember from the declutter section, that if an item does not bring you happiness, sell, donate or gift it to someone that may really enjoy it. You can replace it with something that does bring you joy. This process of weeding out things that are not “you” and replacing them with pieces you love may be slow depending on your budget; this is okay because a blank wall means possibility and a wall filled with things you hate is a distraction. You will also find that as you are deliberate about your decorating, you will recognize your style. With some patience, you will be at a grocery store, a garage sale or at the mall and see the perfect item for your home that tells a part of your story.

If you have the money, and you are sure about your love for the item, get it. Don’t wait because that item may not be there next time. If you are serious about creating a story-filled, stylish home, set aside a reasonable amount of money each month. Sometimes you will have to save up over time, and other times you will be able to get what you need right away. Believe in your vision and be diligent. Also, your friends and family will notice your quest for style-specific home goods or even just learn more about your story. For example, I had a friend who bought me a beautiful sign with the meaningful words, “Be Still” on it. We had a heartfelt discussion about how we both recently needed to be reminded to be still and know that God is in charge. She has seen my family room and knew that the phrase and the style fit. It has been a special addition to my home, and I didn’t even buy it. The sooner you start to find some consistency in your style, others will catch on too and help you get what you need.

Pain Point 3 I don’t have any practice at buying stylish items. If you could watch me shop in real time, you would find patterns in what I pick up and look at, what goes in the cart and what gets put back on the shelf. Blue, white, gold, orange, geometric shapes, wood, marble, glass, black and white art, simple clean lines—they all call to me. Do you know what strikes your fancy time and time again? I am ordering you to shop so you can figure it out. Go to a home decor store with the express purpose of seeing what catches your eye. Analyze what you like about it and take note mentally or in writing. Do you always go over to a certain color? Do you love wood or metal or both together? Are you into textures? Do you like the quirky, eclectic decor or do you stop to look at the traditional furniture? Do you recognize a design style that keeps being put into the cart: coastal, rustic, glamorous? Do the items not only

please the eye, but also fulfill your goal of telling the story of you and your family? For example, I have a small gold statue of a hand flashing the I love you sign, and I loved how it looked when I saw it and knew it would fit into the color scheme of my room, but it also reminded me of a clay ornament my oldest daughter made for me in kindergarten with the same sign on it. When I see this object in my room it reminds me of the innocent, pure and forgiving love of my daughter who still loves me as I make mistake after mistake as her mother. There are so many places to go shopping, but the obvious choices for someone trying to figure things out are places with a good variety of styles, so that you are not limited in finding your aesthetic.

Pain Point 4 I don’t think I have a style. We are too close to the situation to really see sometimes. I know a lot of people who say they don’t have any style, but they make choices every day about things that actually define their style. Clothes, cars, pictures, friends, furniture—they all start to form style. So, instead of trying to see something on your own, ask a friend or family member you feel has nailed their own style and see how they figured it out. They, then, may start to ask you the perfect questions. Since I am your friend, here are a few questions to ask yourself to find your style. Please take the Decorating Style Assessment located at the end of the book and reference the design styles in the following pages to understand your tastes better.

HOLLYWOOD GLAM Hollywood Glams crave gold accents, crystal chandeliers, dramatic colors/patterns and a fancy party. Your attention to detail is amazing which is apparent in your efforts to balance overkill and conservative. You want every day to be a luxurious get-away in your home. You are an elegant person who cannot refuse some everyday glitz through your makeup or wardrobe. Your friends appreciate your polished style.

ECLECTIC OR BOHOMIAN Eclectic designers love color and collecting memorable items from places visited. You have a hard time pin-pointing one specific style because you like all of them mixed together. You are a collector at heart and you enjoy telling the stories connected to your items with your guests. You have a unique style, and you know what you like and dislike.

RUSTIC Rustic types love to use natural tones, a variety of textures and warm wood accents. You love to see the original hardwood floors or wood beams. A bouquet of fresh flowers or some branches from your backyard add no-fuss beauty to your spaces. Outdoors (antlers, cowhides and wood stumps) can mix with modern materials like marble, white linen and sophisticated lighting to create a rustic chic look. Rustic decor has a woodsy and homey feel and tends to suit the more country-

inclined folks. To start using this style in your home look for natural materials that could be repurposed in the home i.e. wood stump for a side table or some old doors for a headboard. Use nature as your inspiration and connect your indoor space with the outdoors. Also, white is a dominant color in many of these designs. Wood and pops of color that can be found in nature are beautiful accents.

TRADITIONAL Traditional design is heavily influenced by the propriety of European design and manners. You love all things classic–literature, art and interior design. You love

elegant furniture, dark rich colors and ornate decor. You appreciate oldfashioned sitting rooms and large floral arrangements. You believe custom window treatments (curtains) and hardwood floors are a must in any home. Antiquities and history fascinate and inspire you and you love to share what you learn with others. You don’t DIY; you leave that to the professionals.

INDUSTRIAL Industrial Design is characterized by raw materials such as metal, wood, brick and tile. A factory loft in a big city is your jam because you can add some finishing touches, but you are far more interested in seeing the architecture in its primitive state.

This is a more masculine, unfinished look that is simple and intentional. Old materials excite you and when someone wants to throw it away, you have an idea of where to put it in your space. As for DIY projects you could create pipe shelving, fix up old metal chairs or go dumpster diving or thrifting for some old, rusted pieces to put on the wall. The most modern element of your industrial style is the windows and furniture, although both could be freshened up. For this to be your style, you need to consistently notice and love raw materials and see the beauty in old things that just need to be loved in your well-planned space.

MID-CENTURY MODERN Mid-century modern friends love clean lines and an overall polished look. This look is not frivolous and uses geometric patterns frequently. The art of this design style is iconic and simple. The furniture is streamlined, lighter, and ergonomic. Colors are bold and matched with warm wood finishes such as teak and rosewood. When you think of mid-century modern you may picture a low, long credenza with thin tapered legs, perfectly styled with large, beautiful art or a mirror above.

If this style speaks to you, begin to recognize the patterns in the period furniture, art and colors. Your personality is simple and sophisticated. If you have a mother or grandmother from the 1950s and ‘60s who is ready to get rid of her stylish furniture, take it off her hands and place them into your modern home. When thrifting be on a careful lookout for pieces that resonate with the sleek look you want at home.

COASTAL Two words for you: light and airy. This style reflects the beaches that we love to linger on. Light blues, white and muted tones are common in the decor.

These homes are dedicated to making all year long summertime. This is done through lots of natural light and clean and crisp fabrics. This is a gorgeous look, but would only work for families with young kids if the fabrics were heavy duty and good to be bleached more than once. If you are single or an empty nester, you can enjoy your pristine beach house without interruption. For textures, you want to use natural fibers such as straw, sea grass and jute and keep the coastal decor minimal and intentional. To add coastal to your space look for light, weathered wood and seashells on the beach. Observe all the natural colors and textures that you see near the water and try to implement this into your home.

MINIMALIST Minimalists let space and bold, yet functional decor pieces and furniture do all the talking. “Less is more” is your mantra and your spaces show this. You are strategic about what you keep and could explain the purpose of everything you own easily. Simple designs and quality materials are what you desire in a room. You are productive and abhor distraction from pure beauty and function. Proportions are important to you and everything fits well in spaces you fill. Minimalist spaces tend to have low-profile boxy furniture, see-through items, and very few simple items placed well.

TRANSITIONAL Transitional design mixes tradition and modern styles together. For example, a transitional design showcases a traditional gilded gold frame with a very modern abstract painting in the frame. There may be a love for traditional large floral arrangements, but instead of flowers and a ceramic vase, there is a uniquelyshaped glass vase and branches from the backyard inside. It makes a statement because it is not one or the other style, but a beautiful marriage between the two. The last example of transitional is the combination of a traditional seating layout using modern furniture styles. The key to transitional design is the ability to

combine classic and novel elements seamlessly. So, now that you have learned about the different styles, do you feel like you might have an idea of what style you prefer for your home? I hope you do, and if you don’t, I hope you will take the time to figure it out. You will feel happier if your surroundings reflect your style/story and your needs. You can like more than one style, and the ones you like can be combined well. Emily Henderson, a popular interior stylist, has an awesome Style Wheel that helps you to see which styles can be combined without one overtaking the other. Like finding complementary colors on a color wheel, you can choose styles that are across from each other on her style wheel to find your style’s complementary partner. Also, remember that you can always change your mind. Your style will change as you grow, but don’t change what you love to fit what is popular in the moment. You will love your home a lot longer if you are true to yourself, despite trends. Let your house be another way that you express your best and authentic story!

NOW WHAT? So, what would you say your style is, or if you can’t choose one, which three styles speak to you the most? Start to look at rooms in that style and decide what specific things you like. Is it the small decor details? Architecture of the rooms? The color schemes that are persistent in the rooms? Take note and then you can use your style to fuel your projects and shopping list. Do you own your story and infuse it into your home design? Think about what you love about your story and think about creative ways to tell it in your home.

Make Room for Faith My husband and I had a conversation not too long ago about reasons marriages and families fall apart. The answer in an article we read was unmet expectations. This is super interesting to me, and it has made me think about my own expectations and whether or not I am meeting the expectations of my family. The likelihood of my husband and children not meeting my expectations or me not meeting theirs is high because first, we all may have some unrealistic expectations and second, we are all human and therefore flawed. So how can you and I stay happy and hopeful even when life can be full of unmet expectations? I believe the answer is faith. My definition of faith is believing in and acting on something you cannot see. Even if your life is full of disappointment and sorrow, another day and happiness does exist for you. You just need to continue acting with faith and all will be well. Faith is a mindset of abundance and hope. There is enough for everyone to experience joy without taking away from another. I do not see a higher being, but I believe that I have a loving God who watches over me. I do not see my student loan balance at zero, but I believe it will happen with diligence. I do not see my daughters old enough to do the dishes, but I believe they will learn with time and experience. I do not see my ideal reader, but I know you are out there being awesome. The sooner we can cling to our faith, the sooner our homes will be filled with all the other wonderful feelings such as forgiveness, love and joy. Instead of always feeling cheated, you will be invigorated to live your beliefs, make your hopes and dreams a reality and prove your faith is stronger than your doubts. What is one thing you could do to improve your faith? You might need to meditate more sincerely or read uplifting messages more often. You may need to stop ignoring the prompting to offer help to a friend or mend a relationship.

Trust your intuition about a big decision. Whatever it is, do it now and you and your family will have more peace. Do you have a personal relationship with God, a higher being or the universe? No matter what you believe in, there is a higher power who loves you and wants you to be the best and happiest version of yourself. Trust in this, and let it sink in as you connect to the energy and love that is yours to enjoy. You will feel this love and energy through thoughts, feelings, another person or your experiences. Pay attention and let your faith permeate every part of your life. When you love and trust God, you are better equipped to love the partner, children or friends He has blessed you with. Are you living out the beliefs that you hold dear? It is hard to feel hopeful and be faithful when you feel like you are not being true to yourself. Your signature style and story will emerge throughout your entire life, with a little faith.

YOUR TURN 1. The sooner you write down and understand your values, the sooner you can live an authentic life and act on your style. Narrow down your values to your top three. Start with writing them all down (fifteen to twenty values) and then slowly rate them in order of importance. 2. Once you know your top three values, you can align your entire life and home with them. For example, my top three values are Faith, Family and Learning. So, every day I have non-negotiables that show myself and others what my priorities are: prayer, scripture study, writing, working out, reading and parenting. Prayer and scripture study every day help me to get onto a higher plane of thought and perspective, the workout prepares my mind and body for more learning, the reading and writing is my learning time and the parenting goal helps me to focus on my children and their growth.

Notice that laundry and cleaning are not non-negotiables for me. Even with my devotion to my home, having a messy home for a day will not make or break my happiness or the happiness of my home. If cleanliness does land in your top three, then you would make sure that your home is in order, so you and your family can be happier. Everyone will have different values, so adapt your nonnegotiables to fit. It is your turn to fill your life with faith and align your actions.

Make Room for Design Basics Knowing principles of interior design will help you to understand the reasons you love that beautiful Pinterest or Instagram photo. These basics will also help you to better implement them in your own home.

Balance Symmetry creates calm in a space. When you have two of the same nightstands with identical lamps on each side, you are creating symmetry. Asymmetrical design is harder to achieve, but more natural and energetic looking. If you have a floor lamp on one side of a sofa and a side table on the other, you are creating asymmetry. There is still something on each side, but the balance is not exact because height, form and color and other characteristics are different. This can still look really nice, but it takes some practice. Spherical is when everything radiates from a round element, like a chandelier, a round table, or a round mirror or clock

Emphasis and Focus Focal points dominate the space and everything around it complements it. Large, bold artwork and statement lighting can be examples of focal points in a room. It is nice to have a focal point, so your eyes have somewhere to land.

Contrast Color contrast is when color differences are apparent, shape contrast would be a circle with rectangle, and space contrast is positive and negative space used efficiently. Think of the room in terms of positive and negative space. When you add furniture, it becomes positive space. The space between the furniture, ceiling, doors and windows are the negative spaces. You want to balance the negative and positive space.

Rhythm and Repetition (Movement) Movement is repetition of color, texture or pattern or alternation of two or more elements in a pre-planned fashion. For example, consider the pattern ABAB represented by two common decor items: candlestick, art, candlestick, art or arranging items in ascending or descending order based on size, gradient or another characteristic. Think of a staircase.

Scale and Proportion Both scale and proportion deal with size. Scale is how the size of objects relate to each other, and proportion is how the size of all the parts relate to the whole. The scale of a frame will relate to the size of the wall and furniture near it. The proportion of the bed needs to fit well with the proportions of the entire bedroom. If you have a tiny plant on a giant shelf, it is going to look funny. If you are wondering why your small frame above the large sofa is not looking right, it is because the scale and proportion are off. Keep in mind that most size is determined by our human perception; ceilings are considered tall when they tower above us. An example of accommodating scale and proportion in interior design is high ceilings matched with tall furniture or large pillows with a large sofa.

Details Small details like etched door knobs, custom spots for spices or the placement of a favorite painting adds beauty and interest into a room. The details can be the finishing touches that make huge impacts.

Harmony and Unity This happens when all the things in a space look like they belong together. Some things that help to achieve this are “alignment of objects, similarity of color/pattern/texture, proximity (spacing) of objects, repetition (grouping) or elements based on similarity, and overlapping continuity.” (Launchpad

Academy, 2015). The goal is for smooth transitions between part or thing in a space. Interior design principles should be a guide for someone to understand the space just as the principle of good writing helps readers understand concepts. Now that you know the basic interior design principles, you can apply them to the rooms in your home. Check the space you are in right now to see if you use any of the design principles. You may never look at a room the same way again. The following section is filled with design, decoration, organization and function tips for common rooms in a home.

Kitchen Outside of my bed, I spend the most time in the kitchen. I have to tell my kids that I am not going to be in the kitchen for certain periods of time so I can do something other than stand filling food orders or cleaning up messes. Since this is a popular space for the whole family, it is a part of the house I have thought a lot about. Here are some tips that make this space timeless, functional and beautiful. Don’t skip thinking about the logic of where you put the silverware or how easy it is to pull out the Instant Pot. Consider the storage you have and use it so that cooking, cleaning and gathering is truly easy to do. The big box companies such as Ikea, Home Depot and Lowes have beautiful ready-toinstall cabinets that are storage savvy. There are drawers that are deep but have a slider between the top and bottom, drawers with places for spices and baking goods and cupboards that close softly. Check out all the storage options available in your budget and choose the options that make life the easiest for you and the family. The triangle: stove, sink and counter. When you cook and bake, you need counter space to cut, measure and prepare, a stove to cook and a sink to wash food, hands and dishes. The bolded spaces should be a few steps apart and ideally create a triangle. Choose two to three dominant colors you want in your kitchen and choose the wall color, cabinet color and backsplash colors to coordinate. I have bluish gray walls, white cabinets and white backsplash. It’s a calming and pretty combination. Choose a backsplash that is beautiful and easy to clean. The reason that white subway tile will always be beautiful is that it looks clean and is easy to clean. Patterned backsplash tile can be a gorgeous addition to a kitchen

but try to make the other parts of the room less busy by using solid colors. Covering the wall near food prep and washing areas with tile will be easier to clean than the walls and can handle more use. Don’t add unnecessary items in the kitchen. If you want to add beauty to the space, buy tools that will add color or dimension to the space. For example, if you have open shelving or cupboards with glass fronts, you can use your dishes as a pop of color or you can buy appliances that stick to your desired color palette. Cutting boards, mixers and bowls are popular items to have on the counter. If you have a lot of random stuff in different colors and sizes—such as kids’ plastic dinnerware—don’t put it out for everyone to see. Also, artwork can be a really fun addition, if there is space for it. This is also a gathering place. Islands and bars are important for entertaining and can be additional seating when you entertain. If your kitchen opens to other parts of the house, try to keep colors and styles cohesive. To add drama to a kitchen, add a special oven hood, a different colored appliance, stunning lighting, plants or interesting colors. Choose quality appliances to add value and plan to hide the microwave early on, if you can. The more light in the kitchen the better. Many popular kitchens have lots of natural light. Don’t let your kitchen become a landing place for paper clutter, random items or garbage. If this room is the most used, it should also be the most frequently cleaned and checked for function. Renters or sellers tip: Picture another person in the space. Make design decisions that will make sense for someone who doesn’t peruse Pinterest every day and simply wants a highly functioning, quality, pleasant space. Try not to limit who will want to use it next.

Bathroom I don’t love to look in the mirror. My grandma taught my mother to comb her hair, brush her teeth, take a bath and then not to think about her appearance for the rest of the day. She also taught all of us that kindness is beauty. All of this has been passed down to me. My husband uses the word low maintenance when he describes me, so you can imagine how much time I spend getting ready in the morning. I have my makeup in a green dollar store container and my kids have ruined half of my makeup before I ever used it. I use a blow dryer my friend gave me when she got a new one and going to the salon is like having a birthday... special. Like my appearance sometimes, my bathrooms are neglected, partly by choice and partly because of budget. I can’t give you much advice about making yourself more beautiful, but I can share some tips on making your bathroom a dreamy place to rest and relax.

Efficient spacing Like a kitchen, you want to be able to access all the key parts of the bathroom efficiently. Can you wash your face and immediately reach for your face towel? Is there enough space for someone to brush their teeth while you get ready to get in the shower? Think of all the activities that need to happen in the bathroom and make room for these things. In my bathroom, I have no place to do my makeup and hair if Cody is shaving or brushing his teeth. We need more counter space, more mirror and at the very least the illusion of more space, which could be created with a glass shower.

Accessible Storage Bathrooms need to have storage for towels, dental care, toilet paper, makeup, skincare, hair care and more. Create easy to access places for these things so that

you don’t have an overflow or a shortage of the bathroom essentials. Shelves, boxes, baskets and hooks are usually going to cover the storage situation, but roomy cabinets and closets in a bathroom are a plus.

Good lighting Not all bathrooms have big windows, but you can still have good lighting. Typical lighting in the bathroom is overhead, sconces or wall lights, and windows or skylights. Use lighting that makes sense for the tasks in the space. For example, adding a sconce near the mirror for added light when you apply makeup makes sense. Use CFLs and LED lighting for energy efficiency, a cool white bright or daylight bulb (3500K–6500K) to mimic daylight and a CRI between 90 and 100 so you can see accurate colors. No one wants to look good in their bathroom and awful in the daylight. Also, mirrors will help distribute the light, and natural light from windows is a plus.

Easy to clean Keep some disinfectant wipes near the surfaces that get dirty often, a toilet bowl cleaner next to the toilet and a hamper nearby so that clothes do not begin piling up in the space. Make cleaning up easier by having the needed tools close by. Seriously, the reason I neglect the bathroom is because I think it is disgusting. I know it is my own filth, but I can always find something better to do than clean up hair or scrub my toilet.

Flooring The bathroom is another workhorse space. The bathroom is used frequently and takes a beating from daily water use, chemicals, bodily fluids, and hair. Pick flooring that is resilient to water and spills and easy to clean.

Places to Make a Statement To add a wow factor, choose special tiling, cabinetry, window treatments, or tubs/showers.

Color Avoid super dark wall colors in spaces that already lack natural light. See the section on color psychology (page 113) to make decisions about colors in the bathroom. I personally love whites, blues, and neutrals in the bathroom with pops of green and black. Bathrooms are also great places for decoration themes, but don’t overdo it. If you decide on a coastal theme, you don’t have to have an anchor on your shower curtain; you can add the light blues, whites, wickers and wood and get that peaceful coastal feeling.

Entryway This is your first impression, besides yourself. When someone walks in or glances in, they will make their first judgement based on what they see. Do you and your guests see a pile of mail, shoes and bags in a mish mash mess or a fridge covered in random magnets and papers? Is it dark and smelly when you walk in? If you or a guest is less than impressed with the first impression, it can be changed pretty easily. First, get practical about what happens when you enter your home. If you are a busy mom, create a place for everything—the school papers, the soccer bags, the keys, the phones, the shoes, umbrellas—everything. Small trays are great for keeping the keys, wallet and spare change wrangled. Baskets, cubbies, hooks and lockers are wonderful options for the coats, backpacks, hats and other items that come in and out daily. This can be done with boxes and things you can find around the house, but ideally you find pretty holders that work perfectly for the things you use every day. Once there is a place for everything, you and the family will get used to the routine of putting things away. With some planning, the entry can be an invitation versus an eyesore and embarrassment. Next, make sure the lighting is sufficient, the smell inviting and the sitting easy. There is a reason that most of the pictures of entryways you see have a bench or chair and lots of natural light. These rooms would hopefully smell good too, if you could be there in person. It is always better to put shoes on sitting down rather than trying to balance yourself on one foot or awkwardly sit on someone’s floor to put them on. Both are completely acceptable, but if you can make a place for people to sit, again, you are showing them that you have thought of their comfort.

Entryways are first impressions so don’t ignore what you see and try to see your entry/exits with fresh eyes.

Living Room The number-one rule for the living room is that you can live in it, meaning on a rainy day, you want to sit in this room and read a good book, your spouse can play with the kids on the floor or a friend can cry on your shoulder. Beyond the entryway, this space should invite others to rest, be themselves and stay awhile. This room is a place that all the members of your family can enjoy at the same time.

Create a focal point What are your eyes drawn to in this room? Is it a large piece of art? A fireplace? Built-in shelving? Whatever attracts your eye first is the focal point. If your eyes don’t land anywhere or land on something that is ugly and bothersome, you need to create a focal point in your room. If you have made a significant investment in an item, make it the star of the room. Put it somewhere that will make a statement for you each time you walk past it and for others. You can work the room around this special piece. Common focal points are a fireplace, windows, TV, or built-ins.

Color Consider using colors that are inviting and comforting. If your living room really is for living, the colors should help you do so. If you are a renter or someone who plans to sell your home soon, make sure the wall colors are neutral. You may love the color plum, but the next occupants will likely balk at having to paint walls because their brown sofa doesn’t match plum.

Architecture Some architectural elements you can incorporate are windows, archways, vaulted or ornate ceilings, wood or steel ceiling beams, niche, trimmed walls (molding and millwork), domed skylights, French or parquet doors, and

fireplaces. Many times you may not know you love it until you see it in someone else’s home or online, so pay attention. Even if you don’t know the official name of an element, at least keep a mental or physical example of it. If you are working with builders you may want to define an architectural element so you can communicate well, but a picture communicates too.

Flooring I have a daughter with a lot of allergies, so we choose hardwood flooring to avoid trapping more allergens. We do have rugs for comfort and style, but they are easy to clean and easy to replace when they get too dirty and worn. If you love carpeting, choose a color that will fit your lifestyle. White carpet is beautiful for an older couple, but a family of five would likely want to choose a neutral color that hides stains well. Whatever flooring you choose, make sure it fits the needs of your life and the color and style of the existing walls, furniture and decor. For example, a family with young children would probably go with a resilient dark wood laminate flooring since they deal with spills and prevent allergies. The dark wood can also contrast their light gray sofa and white walls.

Lighting Since people spend a lot of time in this room, create as much natural light as possible and be strategic about the overhead and task lighting available too. If you have a comfy chair that everyone tends to sit in when they read, add a lamp nearby that can be turned on for extra light to read under.

Furniture Make sure all the furniture in your living room is placed in a way that fosters conversation, function and proper space use. Sit in each chair in your room. If you would feel left out of a conversation sitting there, move it to a place that feels inclusive and looks good. Also, think about how many people you want to accommodate in the room to determine how much

seating you need or want. You also need to consider the traffic of the room. Leave space for people to walk through and around in the room to the doorways and the other major activities of the room. Keep in mind the concept of positive and negative space (from the design basics section) as you place furniture and other items in the room. Psychologically, our minds process a room as a whole before seeing the details or use. A room with negative space will be more pleasing to the eye and more functional (Mastroeni, 2018). Edit a room like you would edit writing. The rule for writing is that the fewer words it takes to make your point clear, the better. This rule applies for interior design too. The fewer items it takes to create beauty, harmony and function, the better. Most of the rooms you admire do not have anything in them that do not contribute well to the room’s overall look or purpose. What other elements are in the room? Where are focal points? These parts of the room will help you determine where to put furniture as well. If you have a large or long space, divide the space for certain activities. For example, you could add a reading nook, or a desk area in a living room by planning the space well. Your furniture should function well for your stage of life. We chose a leather sofa because we have three small children. Leather wears well and can be cleaned up well. Outside of water spills, the leather will look great even after a few greasy hands or dirty feet. If you don’t have little ones jumping around, you can choose furniture with lighter colors and more delicate materials. When you are ready to buy new furniture, don’t skimp. Buy the furniture you love and will last you a long time. If you are like me and have children, it may be a good idea to hold out on buying super expensive furniture, but you can still have something you like and give it a higher end look with quality throw pillows

and blankets. Another strategy for buying family-friendly furniture is to choose durable materials for the furniture so that spills and accidents can be more easily cleaned. Measure out your space before buying furniture so that everything fits well. There are measuring apps like Easy Measure, Air Measure, I-phone’s builtin AR measure tool or the Ruler app that you can download and use while shopping. If your budget for furniture is tight, check out online markets for used furniture. Invest with time and work and you can furnish your home with furniture that you love. Furniture that can be made or re-made with some creativity and grit. Haven’t you seen some beautiful pieces that just got a new paint job or some new hardware? I got a used set of furniture for $100 off of an online market and it has worked wonderfully for our basement. Even with small budgets, you can furnish your home. Furniture can make a big difference in the look of a room, so here is something else to consider as you choose. Furniture is similar to clothing; it has changed with history. Since history is rich with the stories of people that came before us, so is the furniture from those time periods. For example, when settlers first arrived in the United States from Europe, they brought Jacobean and Carolean styles with them that were heavily carved, sturdy and ornate. Since life in Early America was hard core, the furniture became a little more practical and simpler later on. Throughout history, during times of poverty furniture was simple and during times of wealth and change furniture was ornate and colorful. I love that even furniture can tell a story. I told you earlier that we chose a leather sofa for our living room because it is practical with kids. Another part of the story is that when Cody and I first got married he skinned a cow, stretched its hide, de-haired it and then cut it into strings for cowboy gear. I was completely surprised at this process. I found a cow brain in my freezer when I went to make dinner. It was for tanning the hide. So, although he was using raw hide, leather took on a whole different story for

me and choosing a leather sofa reminded me of our early time together as a family. Since you have chosen a style you like from a previous chapter, you can start to see furniture through that lens. For example, if you love mid-century modern style, this style has a specific time frame attached to it (roughly 1933–1965) and so all the furniture made in the era would likely be of interest to you. As you make a study of the furniture from that time frame you will begin to see patterns in what sets it apart from other furniture styles. Although understanding the history of furniture can be helpful for you, don’t forget to choose based on your story too.

Walls Start with the walls. Walls are the starting point of a room and it simply cannot be ignored. All artists start with a clean, blank canvas and so should you. If you have bright red walls and you hate red, have some fun looking at rooms that inspire you and see what colors are in these rooms. Once you see a pattern in what you love, get the paint that speaks to you and get to work. It is the easiest way to transform any room. If you have an open concept home, simplify things and stick to one to two colors that look nice together. I always go with neutral colors that will please me and most people. Painting an accent wall black or some other color is a fun way to add interest and can easily be changed later.

Windows Large windows can be a wonderful addition to a living room because there will be more natural light in the room. Hang window treatments as close to the ceiling as you can while the bottom of the curtain still hits the floor; this gives height to the room.

Lighting Light always wins. It is better to have no curtains than to have ugly ones that

block out light. Choose the right amount of light bulb power (watts) for the space it needs to illuminate: at least 3 watts per square footage and consider lumens (brightness) for each room. A 60-watt lightbulb gives off about 800 lumens. Reference the chart showing the color of light and how color temperature (kelvins) affects spaces. Choose color temperature fitting for the space you apply the light. Color Temp.

Warm White

Soft White

Neutral

Kelvin

2700K

3000K

3500K

Mood and Effects

Friendly, personal intimate

Soft, warm, pleasing

Friendly, inviting, non-threatening

Applications

Homes, libraries

Homes, hotels, stores

Offices, supermarkets

Color Temp.

Cool

Soft Daylight

Daylight

Kelvin

4100 K

5000K

6500K

Mood and Effects

Neat, clean efficient

Bright, alert

Bright, cool

Applications

Classrooms, showrooms

Hospitals

Museums, galleries, salons

Remember there are three types of lighting: ambient (ceiling fixtures) task lighting (light above a kitchen counter or above a reading chair) and accent (lighting that highlights art). The general recommendation is to have all three— do your best (Marcum, 2017).

Media Center

You can get pretty creative with your media centers. Use a dresser, a cube shelf unit, or above your fireplace mantel as your media center. It is all about making it easy to watch TV; keep your electronics and wires wrangled and store your media without it overtaking your room.

Bedroom I guarded my bedroom growing up. My mom was cool enough to give me the space to customize it the way I wanted, and I did. I didn’t have anything but my bottom bunk (a lumpy futon) that was shaped to my body, a worn out desk and a beat up dresser, but this was my oasis from the world. I collected mini tea sets and displayed them proudly on my dresser, taped InStyle pages around the top of my wall to create a border, and I displayed the knickknacks that I loved on my desk. It was far from magazine worthy, but it was worthy of my needs at the time. It felt like home and it was a perfect place for me to explore my style, as I mentioned previously. Our rooms should be retreats from the world, the demands of work, a toddler or even a partner. Here are some ways to personalize your bedroom and still make it look adult-like.

The Bed Comfort and size are key to choosing a suitable bed. Although you cannot see the bed once the bedding is on, you have to sleep on it night after night. I don’t know the science behind comfortable beds; I just know what comfortable feels like to me. If you have kids, consider a bed lower to the ground, at least if you want them to be able to jump up. Check out retailers carefully, especially the reviews of the bed you are investigating.

Headboard Like every room, think of the style and color first and then start looking for beds, bedding and headboards that fit your choices. Some common headboard materials are upholstered, wood, metal and leather and natural fibers. I made a headboard by stretching fabric over a wood frame. You can wall mount the headboards or they can be attached to the bed frame already. The types of

headboards are as diverse as the types of styles, so do plenty of research and have some fun.

Color Neutrals are always smart because they can be used over and over. To give neutrals variety simply use different textures and colors. Most men and some very practical women hate a lot of pillows to take on and off the bed, but beautiful pillows or different colors and shapes sure make a bed pretty. At the very least you could add a throw blanket that can be placed at the foot of the bed for when you need some extra warmth.

Seating (Bench) and other furniture It is always nice to have a place to sit in your bedroom to rest or to put on your socks. If you have the space, add a bench, chest or stool(s) at the end of your bed. A beautiful comfortable chair in a corner can also be so cozy; just remember not to make the chair a place to pile clothes, not that I am guilty of this. Dressers and nightstands are the other typical furniture that make the bedroom more functional.

Art above the bed Art is a great place to start as you choose colors. The artist has done the hard part of picking colors that look good together. You wouldn’t want/like the art if that wasn’t the case. Now use that as inspiration as you choose the items you want for your space.

Closets For adults, you need to remember the section on decluttering. If your closet makes you frustrated because you have not organized it in years, the closet is not serving you well anymore. If you have a walk-in closet with customized shelving, that is awesome, but even some people with fancy closets can’t keep them clean. Whatever the size of your closet, only keep the necessities. This is

also a highly personal space and will not be seen by many others, so add those positive affirmations or special photos in this space Kids can be responsible for clothing care and their other possessions when there is a place for them to put things away in an orderly fashion. On the top shelves of the closet place the things you do not want them to be able to access easily, but you know you need. Again, you do not have to buy a lot of bins and boxes to have an organized closet. You can use cardboard boxes until you can afford to get something more aesthetically pleasing. I wager you will be more satisfied with a functional closet than a pretty one that is always a mess.

Kids’ Bedrooms Tips If your kids don’t have an opinion about the design of their room yet, keep the design simple and classic so that they can easily customize it as their opinions and personalities develop. If you are eager to do most of the designing of the room, let them make choices, even if it is between things you have already approved. If you have a theme, try to create variety in the items, textures and patterns. I get overwhelmed when everything matches too perfectly. There is plenty of inspiration for nurseries and kids’ bedrooms that are fun, themed, diverse and stylish.

Guest room I love having guests come to my home. One of my dreams is to have guests come to our future working ranch and give them a luxurious and authentic experience. To me, it is a mix of Cody (rough and tumble cattle man) and me (city girl who appreciates the finer details in life). Until then, I do my very best to be a good hostess in my current home. I have listed ten ways to prepare for your guests to be comfortable and happy during their stay. These tips are easy to write because I simply needed to think of all the things that make my stay nice when I am visiting others. None of these things are hard bound rules (maybe a few), but they will all help your guests feel welcome and at ease. Put on a door-wide-open attitude. Your guests have traveled to get to you so put on a big smile and show them how excited you are to have them. There is nothing as satisfying as getting a big hug and being told how glad they are that you came. I think most people are a little apprehensive to be in a new place, so ease their anxiety and give them a big love when they show up on your doorstep. I’m talking about the kind of welcome that includes barely being able to wait at the door to greet them. If you are not happy they are coming, spend some time writing down the good things that could happen from them visiting. This will get you ready to start the visit off with the right attitude. Make sure the entry of the home inside and out is clean and clear for the guests to make their way in. Make sure closets are ready for extra stuff. Show them to their room and give them a minute to get situated. Make sure the room is equipped with a place for their clothes, electronics and other miscellaneous items. A chair or place to sit is nice for guests because they may just need a place to be alone at times. I know at my house their room is

about the only spot that my kids are not going to be trying to sit on their lap. Food speaks to the soul and is an easy way to show your guests that you are ready for them. Plan ahead and think of meals that they would like. Especially try to have a meal or snack ready when they arrive. If your guests will be in your home for a period of time you might even check with them about food preferences and plan accordingly. A warm meal is a welcome sight after traveling. Food is also an easy way to gather everyone to begin connecting. Smell is a part of everyone’s sensory experience. Buy a good candle with a scent you love and that won’t aggravate your guests. At very least make sure your home smells clean from all the cleaning you have done. The bathroom is the other place that a guest will be using a lot during their stay. Scrub everything well and have toiletries available to them in case they forgot something. Make sure they have towels and know how to use the shower. Also, I have had a basket of things available to my guests when they arrive. A welcome basket is another gesture that shows them that you were thinking of them and you are glad to have them there. You can have the basket in the bathroom or the guest bedroom. I have included a list of things to put in the basket. small shampoo conditioner lotion body wash water bottles snack (granola bar, trail mix, chocolate, mints) toothbrush toothpaste

razor headache medicine magazines they may enjoy extra hand towels lip balm wipes q-tips cotton balls hand sanitizer wi-fi password welcome sign or note Keep the guest bedroom simple and clean. Since your guests are bringing their own things, keep the decor simple so there is not clutter to overwhelm them and make sure everything is clean so that they can feel rested in the space. Again, places to sit and nightstands or desks are super helpful in giving your guests a place to sit and keep their things organized. If you have a dresser available and clear for them, make sure they know they can use the space while they are there. If there is a closet in the room, consider moving the stuff you may be storing somewhere else while they are there. Bedding should be comfortable, clean and you get a bonus if it is stylish too. Make sure there is an extra blanket available to them in case they get cold. Consider the temperature in your home so that your guests are not sweating to death or freezing cold. Lighting is important. We have a night light that is activated by motion in the hall and guest bathroom. Also, a lamp is nice so that your guests can read in their bed during the evening without having harsh overhead lighting. Consider the noise levels in your home. With three small girls at my house,

I try to teach my children to be considerate of our guests by keeping their voices lowered. I am always surprised at how sensitive everyone else’s ears are to the noise I have grown used to. We are not a super loud house, but we are much louder than a house with no kids. Organize and clean every room in the home. Wherever your guests might spend time, make that space clutter free and clean. There is no greater gift for your guests than your welcoming spirit and a clean space to rest and visit.

Dining Room Lots of good eating, mess-making, visiting and game playing happens at our dining table. Studies continue to show that time around the dinner table creates strong foundations for families and friends. It is important that your dining room functions to bring you all closer together and bring a smile to your face when you see it.

Slipcovers Dining room chairs can be updated for less if you update with slipcovers. There are Etsy shops that sell covers for popular Ikea dining chairs and more general sizes for other types of dining chairs.

Lighting Stunning dining rooms usually have statement lighting. I love the beautiful modern and farmhouse lighting fixtures, but I have also seen beautiful glamorous chandeliers that look awesome in a dining room.

Collections Mix tableware so you can pick pieces up at thrift or vintage shops and have a custom collection. Displaying collections of plates, baskets, or artwork on the walls is another option for using the things you love.

Eclectic or traditional seating Choosing chairs for your dining table can be really fun. Of course, like most furniture, you can stay within the style you choose. Or you can choose to mix and match your styles and colors for an eclectic look. The variation in chairs can add interest, color and beauty to the dining space.

Add patterns

Patterns can add a bit of extra interest in your space. Check out these common patterns: florals, damask, basket weave, brocade, chevron, checked, chinoiserie, ditzy, geometric, Greek key, gingham, houndstooth, herringbone, ikat, harlequin, polka dot, paisley, medallion, leopard, jacquard, stripes, toile, trellis and tartan. Put any of these into a Google search and you can get image examples. You can pick a pattern first and then decide on the color scheme you want to use.

Flooring I don’t think I have ever heard someone tell me they were glad that they had carpet in their dining room or kitchen. There is just too much to ruin. Durable hardwood or linoleum floors is the best choice. If you want to add color, comfort and maybe more pattern to a space, add a large area rug underneath the dining table. Make sure all the legs of the table and chairs fit on the rug, even when the chairs are pulled out. Get a rug that has at least two feet border all the way around the table.

Sitting Room Not all houses have a sitting room, but it can be a great bonus space for welcoming guests and visiting. This room should stay clean and be off limits to pets, kids and anything else destructive. The seating arrangements are key because this room is for sitting and talking. As mentioned in the living room section, make sure that wherever there is seating, the person will feel a part of a conversation or the seating is set aside for one. Special items are welcome in this room because there are rules in the room and the added precautions will ensure that your stuff will stay nicer and intact longer.

Office/Den Desk The style in your room can help you choose a desk. For example, if you want glamorous, you would pick a white desk with gold hardware. If you love industrial or farmhouse, you could have a wood desk with black metal hardware. The desk will match the style you are going for in that space. If you want eclectic, your desk could be any style, but there will be some cohesiveness in the colors and other elements like pattern or lines. Your desk should be used to work on and not a place to dump the latest mail or school newsletter. If you tackle the paper clutter and keep your office supplies to a minimum your desk space can be super functional. You want to choose a desk that will hold a desktop computer or laptop that gets used on a daily basis and can store writing utensils and frequently-used reference materials. Desks can be great docking stations for your electronics, too. If you plan to read in this space, find a comfortable chair or loveseat to have in the room. Task lighting and your books nearby can inspire quiet reflection and new learning. Your desk is also a place of creativity, so make it personal and specific to what you are trying to create. As a writer, the only thing I keep on my desk surface is my computer. A painter or seamstress will have a different set-up, but the desk and office should invite you to discover and create.

Shelves Color coordinate your books and see my list of items you can use to style shelves and consoles in the Shopping List chapter. Mix function and beauty as you decide what to put on your shelves.

Playroom The playroom is a busy place at our house and I have designed it so that everything can be put away easily and my kids can be comfortable and creative. As I mention in chapter 3, I used to try to have every little thing organized in a particular container, but it was a constant battle—my kids felt like they couldn’t get it right and I was certain they couldn’t. There are doll clothes mixed with cars, but they are put away and I can breathe and clean in the room without stubbing a toe on a toy or ruining my vacuum—I call that a win! I wanted the playroom to accommodate my children and me, so all the decor and furniture are set up to keep everyone happy and comfortable. I have white furniture and that is a challenge, but I do not regret it because I love how it looks (at least when I don’t have a blanket covering it). Kids are both colorful and charming, so this space is a great place to add both.

General Design Tips While you are looking at those rooms that inspire you, analyze why you love the room. Is it the light fixtures, the architecture of the room, or is it simply the furniture, decor or colors? Whatever it is that draws you in, take note and see how you could incorporate that into your space. If what you love is too expensive right now, take it as a challenge to find less expensive ways to showcase your style. Try out the less-is-more (minimalism) style. Even if you are drawn to dense decor, start out slowly and build up until every piece in your space is very intentional, hand-picked or meaningful to you. Paint the window, door and floor trim a lighter or darker color to create contrast or to simply add a splash of color. When hanging wall art, scale it to the room. For example, hang a grouping of art together to cover a large wall or simply buy one art piece that covers the whole space. Try to get the center of the art at eye level (sixty inches from center of art to floor). If it is being hung above a sofa or other piece of furniture, it should go four to six inches above and should be two-thirds the width of the furniture. When grouping artwork, make sure they are only spaced one to two inches apart, so they look like they belong together. Groupings of art should be hung as if they are one piece. For gallery walls, trace the pieces with paper bags or newspapers and then place them on the wall until you like the grouping. Smaller pieces will look better closer together than the larger items (McGee, n.d.). Some gallery frames can be bought together and come with a paper to hang that guides the placement of a grid on the wall. If you have low ceilings use large vertical mirrors or wall hangings and lower height furniture to give the illusion of height.

Group items in threes. Our minds are drawn to items grouped in odd numbers. Use variation in the items and you add even more interest.

Create triangles. How many triangles do you see in the styling below?

Finishes matter. I have an old outlet in my dining room that is a yellowish tan color and it throws off the room. I have not gotten around to changing it, but it reminds me how the finishing touches matter. Also, we recently remodeled our basement and it was not until the baseboards were in, that I could settle down a bit. The small details are worth paying attention to and can make a bigger impact than you think.

Keeping Design Decisions Realistic My best friend is a fellow home design lover and she has been slowly improving her home for years. She has popcorn ceilings and learned early that although she loves the look of white walls, the white walls made her popcorn ceiling look dirty and too noticeable. She has since painted her walls a nice warm gray and the ceilings look white again. She is adding style within the parameters she has. Like my friend, sometimes our desires have to be tempered with reality. The current features of your home, your budget and your time should be factored into the style and story decisions you want to make. I want to live in a newly built, big house with vaulted ceilings, wood beams, and an open floor plan . . . on a sprawling cattle ranch. The reality is that I live in a home built in the 1970s with low ceilings and a traditional layout in an old city neighborhood. I make decisions for my current home instead of for my dream home. Don’t stop dreaming about a future home but do what you can now to make home special and enjoyable.

NOW WHAT? Don’t get bogged down with rules/guidelines but learn as much as you can and use your new knowledge to make decisions that will enhance the beauty of your space. Make goals and plans for the physical spaces you dwell in. Do it by room or function to stay organized. Write down three tips from this chapter that you want to use as you move forward. What are some aspects of your current situation (home, budget or time) that you need to consider as you move forward? Remember that you can move forward even if you have many limitations.

MAKE ROOM FOR SMART SHOPPING

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ow, it is time to write down what you need. It is important to start with needs at this point. There will be time to get what you want too, but the needs will be priority. For example, you may want a big mirror, but you only have one chair. You need more seating before you buy the mirror. Once you have the needs written down, write down what you would love to have. Don’t hold back. Even if it seems crazy, you are in the dreaming stage and it is okay. Now look at your list and see if there is anything you could create yourself. If you have more time than money, this is a great way to spend your time productively, learn new skills and get the satisfaction of making something special for your home. You may find some DIY projects that are great, but realistically you may be better off buying it already made because you might not have access to certain tools or skills. The point is to find ways to use what you have or create something for less than you would spend getting it pre-made. You can shop by room too. For example, if you are going to refresh a bedroom and all you have a is a bed and headboard, here are items that you would want to consider to make the space complete: dresser, nightstand, book shelf, bench or chair, desk, art, and décor accessories. You can create a list like this for any room in your house. This room-by-room method is great because after the inventory section you should have some lists of needed items that will fill spaces. Now you need to write a shopping list. Write down what materials you might need for your projects and write down the items that you want to buy. Shopping

is fun for me, but if you don’t like shopping, having a list will decrease the time you have to spend, and you will be going at it with purpose. Take measurements of spaces; know the sizes of needed items. Carry a tape measure with you to the stores so you know you are getting it right. I also take a cell phone picture of spaces or items so I can reference it at the store and visualize how the items I am going to buy will look with what I already have. This is especially helpful when you are trying to coordinate colors. Remember the design elements? You need to be thinking of them while you write your shopping list too. For example, you know you need a mirror in your bedroom. All the other art in the room is square or rectangular so you decide to add a circular mirror to create more contrast in shapes in the room. Another example is using scale and proportion. You need art to hang above your dining buffet, so first you need to measure the length of the furniture and decide what 2/3 of that measurement is and then you will know the width you need for the art. To fill the entire space with the same art, you would need to measure from the top of the buffet to the ceiling to make sure the art piece will fit so that the middle of the art is about 58-60 inches off the ground with a 4-6-inch clearance above the buffet. For online shopping, always try to find the item for the least amount and buy from the most reputable company. I had a friend who found window treatments she loved and was about to buy them when I asked her if she had done a general internet search for the item. She said she had not and told me later that she found the same item for much less simply by getting it through a different retailer. Try to use coupons or shop during holiday sales. I also use Honey, which automatically tries the coupons available for certain websites. Ebates is another place to get cash back from the shopping you do. Shopping in the store is so fun. You can make discoveries easily as you browse, but you can also end up spending more on an item because you simply don’t want to go to another store to compare prices. Also, I have found that the store doesn’t always carry all the items and so I miss out on things that might be

available online that I like better. The perk of physically going to the store is that you get to pick up, touch and see the item in person before purchasing it. Colors, textures and other details will be easier to analyze and decide on in-person. Again, try to shop when you know there are sales on the items that you want to get. Because you have a solid list, you can be on the lookout. My biggest shopping tip is to be patient. Be patient about when you get it and be patient about saving up to get those bigger items. I will also say again that once the universe knows what you want, it will come to you as you stay positive and continue to visualize what you want. It has happened to me time and time again. I wanted to fill a space in my front room and I pictured what it would look like, but I didn’t have the resources to buy what I wanted. A few months later, I saw the perfect piece of furniture sitting out on the curb. I asked to take it and my vision became real. I am grateful every single time this happens! Remember that your goal is not to collect the most stuff. It is better that you have a few quality, functional pieces than a long list of smaller items that may be easy to afford at first, but keeps you from larger more important pieces. For example, you may be tempted to collect all the cute dollar spot items that will end up in the trash or stored, but if you would hold off on getting those items for a few months, you could buy a new chair or be closer to getting a new dining table. Many people feel intimated at styling certain spaces, but it can be easy when you have a list of things that would work. Below is a quick reference of items that do well aesthetically and functionally in certain spaces. Below is also a space to write your list of needs, wants, DIY projects, need to buy and materials shopping list. Stay organized and you will look forward to shopping because you know what you are looking for.

NOW WHAT? Write down the needs for your space first. Write down the budget you have for your needs. This could be monthly, a lump sum you have saved up, or an amount that you are working toward. Afterwards, write down the projects or products that will fit your needs. Write down the potential prices and shopping locations of each project or product. Now write down your wants. What are those projects or items that may not be pressing but would make you so happy? Write down the budget for your wants. Now record the projects and products that would fulfill your wants.

Make Room for Gratitude There is an old story of a waiter who asked a customer whether he had enjoyed the meal. The guest replied that everything was fine, but it would have been better if they had served more bread. The next day, when the man returned, the waiter doubled the amount of bread, giving him four slices instead of two, but still the man was not happy. The next day, the waiter doubled the bread again, without success. On the fourth day, the waiter was really determined to make the man happy. And so he took a nine-foot-long loaf of bread, cut it in half, and with a smile, served that to the customer. The waiter could scarcely wait for the man’s reaction. After the meal, the man looked up and said, “Good as always. But I see you’re back to giving only two slices of bread.” Can you be pleased or satisfied with what you have or are given? After moving to Las Vegas to begin student teaching and being in an unhealthy relationship, I was empty, confused and ready to be happier. I remember realizing that feeling bad for myself and complaining to my mom and siblings was not working.

I read a talk by Henry B. Eyring titled “O Remember, Remember”. His talk shares how for years he wrote down the good things he saw happening in his life. His sons eventually got a copy of his journal entries and referred to the writing often. I was impressed by his dedication to paying attention to the good and how it helped him to remember to be grateful. So, I bought a small tan and red journal and started to write what I was grateful for in the pages. When I am grateful, I am content, less self-centered and eager to serve others. When I first wrote in my newly bought gratitude journal, I had a hard time seeing any good in my life, but as I stayed committed to the daily exercise, I wrote more and more, until I was filling pages in one sitting. My life circumstances had not changed as drastically as my mindset had. Sometimes I was moved to tears during these gratitude sessions. Truly, I had trained my brain to see the good instead of the bad. I started to develop personally, serve more often and feel better. When we take the time to record, our brain learns to focus on the things we exert energy on. Your home life will be happier if you are grateful, so try it. It may

feel forced at first, but you can train that brain to be grateful, and abundance will follow—not because it wasn’t there, but because you finally see it. Also, don’t keep your gratitude just on the pages of your notebook. Spread thanksgiving among your family members or roommates. When my children are crying or fighting, I am always ready to correct them, but I am less apt to thank my children for their happy play or their patience with me. Taking the time to thank my children would be far more pleasant than complaints and it re-enforces positive behavior. Our babysitter once said to me, “I noticed I say “no” a lot. I want to find ways to say “yes” more. I have not forgotten her words and I, too, try to find ways to say “yes”. Another way to spread appreciation is to let your children read your gratitude journals and let it be a comfort to them in their times of trial. Furthermore, gratitude is a major element as you make physical changes to your home. If you are a DIYer or simply have a tight budget, try to stay grateful even when your home doesn’t look exactly the way you wish. Remember that your home is for your family first, and it is okay if your home is a work-in-progress. To me, the happy and peaceful feelings trump the material aspects of your home, so focus on the good you can create, and the rest will follow.

YOUR TURN 1. You will find what you look for. Will it be gratitude or disappointment? 2. Pay attention to the good that is happening around you and write it down or say thank you in the moment. 3. Recognize the happy moments with your spouse and children. Soak them in, appreciate and record. 4. Write down five things you love about your home. It is okay if your home is a work-in-progress. Just like people, homes take time to create and your home will change even when you think you have nailed it.

Make Room for Money I battle perfectionism in my home. In the image above I see many, many flaws. I also see a room that was put together for $200. Like the wealthy bloggers tag their furniture with high profile companies, I will tag the items in the photo with the inexpensive options I chose. Two gray chairs: $30 at Goodwill. End table: free, made out of cheap pine by my dear husband, originally made as a photography prop. Faux yellow flowers: $24 at Home Goods. Solid yellow pillows: $8.00 for two at Goodwill. Flower pillow: $24 at Home Goods. Yellow and Gray Flower Painting: $40 at Home Goods. And yes, you see lathed pillars separating our front room and dining room—a touch of the 1970s that will stay until further renovations. Some of you will think What is the big deal? and others will think I’m glad she mentioned the prices because I thought she was going to pass this as expensive designer material. The truth is that is doesn’t matter what other people think because I can create beauty for very little money, and peace of mind in my finances is more important than keeping up with others. I know this space is not impressive as far as dollar amount, but I am so grateful for this bright and cheery space in my home. As I have learned more about interior design, I see that I have overdone the yellow flower theme in this room, but I also know that I have loved the space and it is a big improvement from my earlier living spaces and the first time I have even had a “front room”. Your home is not about money. I once heard an angry interior designer criticizing other designers for creating videos in front of inexpensive Ikea furniture. They were apparently frauds because they have inexpensive furniture. How dare they stay in budget and create beauty despite their limitations! I will never be that person. It is not about how much money you have spent and much more about what beauty you can create with what you have. I hope that you will never let money be something that holds you back from creating beauty in your home. As someone who wishes I could spend all the money on all the home

stuff, I can assure you that I have not died from not getting it all when I want it. I was tempted not to include a money section in my book, but in the end, I know it is really challenging to have a happy home life when money is always weighing on the mind. Security is a human need, and when it is unmet all the time, it can cause a lot of stress. I believe that we can be happy with very little, and I also believe we can be unhappy when we have everything we want or more than we can truly afford. With so much sway in our lives, money should be discussed. A principle that impacts our thoughts about money is abundance. Consider all the resources you have available to you. If you are lacking basic needs like food, shelter, water, rest, warmth, love and security, then you should be concerned. If you are worrying about the fact that you can’t buy a brand-new dining table when you have an acceptable one, then you can start to worry less and see more of what is already available. I believe that the universe is eager to see us be good stewards of what we have been given so it can give us more, or so it can trust that no matter what portion we have been given, we will multiply it and use it for good. What can you do with what you have right now to make your life or someone else’s life better? I was feeling sorry for myself one day because I didn’t have thousands of dollars to make my home look like a magazine cover. Then a thought entered my mind. I had an empty frame, some cute paper and an idea. I had been wanting to create a sign that said read to put above the kids’ books in the basement, so I picked out the papers I wanted to use, asked a friend to borrow her Cricut cutting machine and then put it all together in a previously bought frame. I decided to act with what I had, and it allowed me to stop focusing on my lack and more on creation. Try to be too busy using what you have to worry about what you don’t have. With some creativity, time and work, your desired outcome will surface. As you style your home, think about the timing and the value of your monetary investment. There should be a return on the money you spend on your home. Be

a smart planner and shopper. If you are making structural changes to your home, research to see if the investment will be returned when you sell the home. If you are spending money on cosmetic changes to your home like décor and paint, be intentional so that you are not wasting dollars on something that is low quality or simply not what you need. Remember, it is better to save the three dollars you were going to spend on a cheap throw pillow for a new sofa or dresser. Remember that more stuff does not equal better spaces or happier hearts; it is more important that you have some of the right things than a ton of the wrong things.

MAKE ROOM FOR NEW RULES IN YOUR SPACES

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ooks are like friends comforting me on a hard day; I cherish them, and I want to pass their stories onto my children. When I had my first daughter, I knew that her ripping my books was not going to be okay with me. I also knew that my books would be in her reach all the time. I decided before she was even born that I would teach her that my books were special and required special treatment. Once she started to toddle around and put everything in her mouth, I had my first test. She tried to pull a book from the shelf in our small living room. I immediately put the book back in its place, explained to her that she could not play with it, and placed her away from the books to do something else. She didn’t get it right away, but after the same process repeated several times, she stopped and didn’t try again. I didn’t have to battle her about the books anymore, and I still don’t. This is a simple example of how I set some boundaries for a space my family shares. Your battle may be easier or harder, but creating boundaries is worth it when it comes to your home. I didn’t want my living room cluttered with my books or my books ripped and ruined. There is a domino effect in the way we treat our things. When we and our families respect the items and spaces we fill, there is order, peace and rest. Your example of taking care of your home is noticed by your children and they will follow your lead. It will take a lot of consistency and even bribery at first, but the results are well worth it. At this point you have worked so hard and your space is really coming together. You have eliminated what no longer serves you and you have replaced it with things that you love, or you have a plan of how to do so.

Now it is time to set rules for your space. Let’s say that you chose your bedroom as the space that you refreshed. To keep the room in its new, clean, organized, styled state, you will need to protect this space from your own bad habits and from anyone who historically doesn’t respect the space. For example, you have cleaned out the closet, drawers and nightstands, but you tend to place your clothes anywhere and everywhere. Now you need to honor the work you have done by putting clothes away carefully every time. Consider the time you save by taking the extra seconds to place clothes in a drawer or on a hanger in the moment. Instead of spending a whole Saturday morning cleaning up a room that has bothered you all week, you enjoy a clear space all week and have more time on Saturday morning! If your kids are really good at destroying things that you care about in your room, consider having a special talk with them about their behavior and come up with a plan if they break the rules. Makeup, jewelry, clothes and books you love should be respected. You could also simply put some items in a safer, higher spot for a time while they get used to the rules. Don’t skip this step because your progress can be sabotaged quickly if you don’t decide to make lasting habits in your space. Tip: Pick at least one room in your home that feels safe, comforting and distraction-free. When you get overwhelmed with life, you can retreat to this space and enjoy the peace that a lovely, clean, styled space can give. I sit near a large window in a favorite chair surrounded by grays, yellows and photos of my family. It is just what I need on a hard day.

NOW WHAT? Which rooms need to have rules or new rules? Write down the rules for each space.

Share the rules and the reason for each to your family or post the rules for yourself in the space until it becomes natural.

Make Room for Communication “ANY PROBLEM, BIG OR SMALL, WITHIN A FAMILY, ALWAYS SEEMS TO START WITH BAD COMMUNICATION. SOMEONE ISN’T LISTENING.” — EMMA THOMPSON Getting married taught me more about communication than any book or person could. My husband is quiet and introspective. He keeps to himself and is content with life. He conserves words like someone would conserve water during a drought. When I am upset or concerned about something I need to talk it out and I do—for long periods of time. Over a lot of trial and error, I have found that if I have been talking for more than thirty minutes and Cody has not said anything, I should check in with him for a response or simply call my mom or sisters instead. Unfortunately, Cody was already known for zoning out during perfectly acceptable conversations to a place his friends called “Cody-land”, so he is a seasoned pro at tuning me out and chilling in his happy place. Sometimes I am insanely mad that he does this and other times I laugh in awe and jealousy. I have also learned from my dear husband that communication is much more than jabbering away about your feelings. Cody speaks very deliberately and when he does speak, I listen carefully. He also communicates without saying anything. When he comes home with furrowed brows and a pale look on his face, I wait a few minutes and then I ask what is wrong. Sometimes he responds with, “Nothing, why do you always ask me that?” or he begins to tell me the skeleton of a much more complex story that I have to winkle out of him by peppering him with questions.

When we first got married, I had been at Cody for an hour about something that was angering me. To be completely honest, I don’t remember what it was. Cody had been listening to my yelling/nagging long enough and raised his voice at me. I immediately started to cry and ran into another room, locking the door behind me. He said I had a scared look on my face and he felt genuinely bad. After talking and apologizing to me at the door, with me telling him to go away for a significant time, I came out and we made up. Since this incident, I now know that yelling and nagging at my husband does not move resolution forward. Cody has also admitted he’s learned from me that opening up more is part of the success of our marriage. We thankfully enjoy peaceful communication, work as a team and even when we disagree, we come to a decision that leaves us both feeling good. Communication is one part of a foundation for a happy home. When have you been the most successful at communicating your thoughts and feelings? Was it when you were speaking in loud anger or when you were quiet, calm and controlled in your expression? Although I believe there are times that our voices need to be raised in warning or chastisement, a soft and kind voice will always come off conqueror. I also know that our ears should be working harder than our mouths if we truly seek understanding. I readily admit that I am not good at keeping soft and controlled communications. The family I grew up with is loud and each of us was convinced that we were right about everything. Speaking kindly and gently is seriously a daily battle for me. I learn over and over that the tone and the words matter. No one on this planet can ignite my anger and frustration like my children. They each make a study of the things that drive me insane. When my kids ask the same questions one million times, get unnecessarily dirty or ruin something I just bought, it brings out the worst in me. My threshold for being annoyed has

built up over the years, but I am still prone to breaking down occasionally. One day my middle daughter got a hold of my mascara. She unscrewed the cap and proceeded to apply it to her face and then swiped it from the top of my staircase wall to the bottom. I found the mascara container empty and my daughter’s body and my walls covered. For some reason that day I was composed, and I simply laughed while I cleaned the mess. I had the thought that my mascara and walls were not as important as my daughter’s feelings. I snapped a few pictures of the mess. Since that time, I have not been as composed every time. When I am under stress, tired, hungry, sick or sad, my communication skills revert back to my two-year-old self. I throw tantrums, and I need time outs. My hormones are also a culprit and everyone in my home knows that sometimes Mom just needs to be alone for the betterment of the whole family. Time to gain some control and perspective can help you avoid communicating something you will regret later. My daughter Jane has been an endless inspiration of forgiveness and emotional transparency. She seems to open up the most when I am tucking her into bed at night. She will say things like, “I feel like you like the babies more than me”, “I am so excited about tomorrow” or “What age will I be when I go to heaven?” We talk out how she is feeling, and we are both able to go to bed with peace. Sometimes, her honest and open communication helps me to see what I can improve on or is an opportunity to teach her a valuable lesson. When do your kids open up with you? Recognize those special moments when your children can just talk. Listen carefully and respond thoughtfully. If you can’t tell me when your kids open up to you, you may need to create more situations where they can. Car rides, special one-on-one dates or even just forcing them to dry the dishes while you wash are chances for conversation. A good friend says that she doesn’t hate doing dishes because growing up she did them with her dad every evening and it was a special bonding time for them both.

If you have been yelling for too long, simply make a commitment to count to ten before you respond, take a few deep breaths, or say nothing until you can control your emotions. Try to process your emotions before you speak. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion and you need to explore what is making you angry. Find the root of your feelings instead of lashing out at others for something that is an internal problem. I know that these things are easier to write than they are to actually do, but it doesn’t hurt to challenge ourselves to do better. One of my daughters is known for her strong will and a very loud and angry scream is attached to her strength. We are hoping she runs a major company or saves a country versus running a local gang when she grows up. We are pretty certain she is going to use her bold personality for good, but some days I wonder. Some of her troubles come because I have trouble expressing my emotions in a healthy way, and another element is simply a spirit who is certain about what she wants and why. My hope is to help her slow down enough to recognize her feelings and be able to share them with me and others in a way that helps her be able to stay calm and functional, even under emotional stress. If you are trying to communicate, yelling may feel really good for you, but it will not give you the lasting results you seek. When my daughters scream at me it doesn’t motivate me more to comply. When they ask sweetly and wait patiently for the result, I am eager to reward them. “That which we are capable of feeling, we are capable of saying.” — Cervantes You can scream at God or your family all day, but it will not change much except for your energy levels. Being frustrated, angry and full of loud complaints is exhausting. Remember that even if you get what you want from your screaming, the way you got the result is from fear, not love. Fear is not the overriding feeling we want in our homes; we want kindness, safety and clarity in our communication.

The following tips can help you implement positive communication in your home: 1. Listen more 2. Speak softly and kindly 3. Look for opportunities to talk with your kids and use those times wisely 4. Find ways to cope with your feelings and think before you speak 5. Let your actions match what you say 6. Analyze and deconstruct your feelings and thoughts so that you understand what you are going to say before you speak it.

MAKE ROOM FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

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ome of the best memories you will have in your life will come from opening your home to your family and friends. Make efforts to share the good feelings and your style with others. Our homes are as varied as our personalities and every home has something to share and showcase that is wonderful for you and others. Your home may even have something to teach someone else. A young boy who grew up in a very rough neighborhood in Las Vegas was invited to dinner at an established home. As he looked at the decor on the wall, he saw a picture of the whole family. “What’s this?” he asked. The woman looked at him confused. “It’s a family picture.” The young boy looked confused now too. “People take family pictures?” He was witnessing a loving, family home for the first time and even a photo taken with the whole family was a new experience for him. Although your home may seem ordinary to you, it could be extraordinary for others. Your home could be someone’s first lesson on family unity and love. I believe that the home is under attack. Think about the results of when homes and families are torn apart. If our homes and families fall apart, the very fabric of our society crumbles. This may sound extreme, but there is evidence all around us. Parents that care for their home and children are giving their relationships a chance and nurturing a place for family members to learn and grow into healthy, responsible and contributing members of the world. I always remind myself that I don’t know who my children are going to become; because of that, I have the responsibility to give them the love and care they need to

mature into their missions and identities. I cannot stop caring about my home because I care about my family. Let our service in our homes be as important as the service we give in our jobs and communities. You may not get a raise or a pat on the back for creating a safe and beautiful home, but there are unseen and delayed rewards nonetheless. I hope that as you improve your home from the inside out, you will naturally want to share this good space with others.

What if my house is messy, even after my best efforts? I have young kids, so I understand that tackling messes seems impossible at times. Do your very best and let the imperfections go. There will be people you know who truly have a gift for keeping things clean and organized. I have a friend who has been so good about expecting her children to be super organized from infancy. She keeps a clean house all the time. I admire her commitment and it reflects the care she takes of herself, her family and her home. I simply applaud her gifts, but I don’t compare her gifts to mine. Be kind to others and yourself and good things will follow. Your home will not be a good place because it is perfect; it will be a good place because you strive to create cleanliness, organization, function, soul, and authentic style and because you welcome others with open arms to enjoy it with you. There is a fun sign I have seen in homes: “Please excuse the mess; we are making memories here”. If you are a hoarder and chronically messy, you need to take the steps in this book seriously, but if you are a mom who simply doesn’t have time to follow your toddler around every minute of the day, just do your best. Sometimes you may not tackle a mess until a little one has fallen asleep or until you have taken a nap. Again, be kind to yourself and others and your home will be a beautiful place. Remember that your environment can sometimes reflect how you are feeling inside and sometimes it reflects the season you are tackling too. You may not be able to control your environment at times, but you can control your mind. Thoughts will eventually manifest, so be tenacious, mentally and physically, about your home. My sincere desire is that you have created a space that brings you, your family and those who enter your home joy, function and peace. Your home is a sacred place where life unfolds, and it deserves your attention.

NOW WHAT? Now you have these spaces that bring you joy and peace, who would you love to share it with? Write down some friends and or family that you would like to share your home with. Write down a few gatherings or parties that would be a joy for others and would fit well at your home. This could be as simple and small as a monthly brunch with a friend or as elaborate as an annual party that has a large invitation list. Whatever it is, you honor your work and your home by sharing goodness with others. Below is a quick planner for an event you host in your home.

Make Room for Love The people I know that love the best are motivated by pure intentions and are willing to work to show that love often. “FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON.” —JOHN 3:16 God showed us love by doing something so hard we cannot fully fathom it. He gave his only son for the sake of others—even the undeserving others. God’s love has taught me that love is action. We do things to show love and the love morphs into something more real and special as our actions match our hearts. At the beginning of the book I talked about my husband giving up sleep and comfort for me to have something I wanted. This kind of selfless love, my friends, is the true builder of beautiful homes. When I was about twelve years old, my older sister came home from her first year of college. She was not eager to be back to the very place she had worked so hard to get away from, but she needed to come home to earn money for the next school year. We were all glad to have her home, but I was not happy about giving up having my own room. My poor sister had been pushed out, and, to my eternal shame, I made my sister sleep on a mattress in the front room for about a week. She didn’t yell at me or tell me that I was a selfish brat, even if it was true. Her disappointed and hurt eyes still haunt my heart. I remember that I cried when she expressed that she was sad that I wouldn’t let her sleep in the room. I apologized profusely, and arrangements were made right away for her to share the room

with me. My sister didn’t make me feel worse than I already felt. She could have made a huge fuss over my selfishness, but instead she forgave me and then got me a job to work with her all summer long as a summer camp counselor. My lovely sister gave up ego and hurt to love me. She still is one of my greatest teachers of love and forgiveness. I cannot write about love at home and not write more about my husband. At the beginning of our marriage, I think we were both unsure about what marriage and love was supposed to look like, but now that we have been married for ten years, my definition of love is starting to form. Cody works very hard for our family at his formal job and then when he comes home, he devotes the rest of his day to helping me with our three children. He is the one who plays with the girls outside, works in the garden, visits with neighbors, helps with dinner dishes and puts the girls to bed. This routine is on repeat, and like my routine, it is often monotonous. We both complain occasionally, but Cody is a constant in our family. If he didn’t love me and his children, he would not do what he does every day. He puts the welfare of his family above his own interests and ambitions. On top of our regular routine, Cody encourages me in my writing, blogging and interest in interior styling. DIY projects are a weekly occurrence at our house and Cody keeps helping. He is perfecting the art of love, and I have learned to accept this love more graciously. Recently, while I washed dishes, I watched my three daughters jump on the trampoline in the backyard. I always love to see them being active and being together, but on this particular day, Brooklyn had fallen and was upset about her PJ bottoms riding up her legs. Her two older sisters lifted her up by the hand and then as Brooklyn stood, her sisters pulled down her PJ pants, each sister taking a leg. As they did so, I had a quick vision of them together as adults, the two older

sisters fussing over their little sister as she tries on a wedding dress. My heart filled with love and gratitude for the loving bonds that they were forming. The little moments in your home hold weight and when we take out the garbage, scrub the toilet, share a treat, or make a bed, we are creating loving bonds that have powerful implications on our decisions now and later. I know that as my daughters feel love from their parents and from each other, they will not seek it from sources that are bad, or unreliable at best. Love will build confidence and that confidence is power to make amazing change. Do the small and simple things in your home that show love and your example will permeate the lives of all in the home. Recognize when a child or spouse is trying to show you love, even if it is a clumsy attempt. See the needs of your family and pull down their pant leg for them. Showing love will be different for everyone. I grew up with parents from two very different races and cultures. My mother is a Caucasian hometown girl from Utah and my dad a military traveler, born in the Philippines. To illustrate differences in love, I will use my two grandmothers because they represent these two worlds I lived in. One grandma showed love through deliciously cooked food, perfectly selected cards, gifts and money. The other grandma would write letters every month for years, tell us about books she was reading and play cards with us. I was sure both loved me, but the ways they showed love were different. Spend some time figuring out ways your family members like being loved and ways that are easy for you to show love. Imagine if you were giving and receiving love in customized ways every day. What would your home feel and look like? Are you expressing love for those in your home through service, kind words and forgiveness? Don’t put it off because you are afraid; you, frankly, don’t know when you will get to say I love you next, offer help, or heal broken relationships. Use all the ways of expressing love. If your spouse and children feel your love

through clean socks or a yummy, healthy meal—do it—and infuse the acts with your love. 1. Ask your spouse and each of your children what you do that makes them feel loved. Write these things down so you know how to love them. 2. Forgive someone you love and let go of grudges that are doing more harm to you than them. 3. Find ways to consistently serve your family members. 4. Recognize the small moments that are filled with love and bonding.

Making Room One Day at Time I cleaned off my husband’s dresser, vacuumed, dusted and put away laundry that had piled up from traveling. No one saw me do this except my three little girls, and eventually my husband. It required physical work, but this morning as I made my bed and stepped into a clean, organized room, the effect was mental and emotional. I feel lighter and my thoughts clearer. I am ready to use the day well. Now that the mess is cleaned up, I also see other areas in need of improvement, and I am excited. Today I will wash dishes three times, cook three meals and stare at my three daughters sitting at the kitchen counter. They will smile and scream at me; they will eat and pray with me. This home will continue to hold the most precious people and things. I will never stop making room, in my home and heart, for more goodness. Now it is your turn to make room for more laughter, more colors that inspire, more health, more learning, more friends, more love and light, more cleanliness, more of all the good. Let go of bad feelings and old clutter and embrace gratitude and abundance. Society may try to destroy home-life or demean its importance, but there are still plenty of us who protect and cultivate this space that matters most. Whether your home is large or small, old or new, home-made or custom, your personal progress, the love that you share in the space and your willingness to improve home, is paramount. Your efforts in your home have a much larger impact than you can measure right now. Be patient and never stop fighting. I send you my encouragement and love as you embrace and create soul and style in your home. Best,

DECORATING STYLE ASSESSMENT 1. Which photograph do like better? A.

Photographer: Jason Leung B.

Photographer: Hutomo Abrianto Answers: Photograph A suggests you may like darker, moodier interiors, or you at least like to add drama to contemporary spaces. You appreciate rich, deep colors. Photograph B suggests you like bright, airy and open spaces. The lighter and whiter, the better for you. You enjoy adding life and nature to the indoors with greenery and flowers. 2. When you walk into a room, what do you notice first—how clean and organized the room feels or that there are a lot of cool things to look at? Answers:

If you notice organization and cleanliness over the things in the room, you like a more minimalist space that is strategic vs having plenty to look at but feeling overwhelmed by all the interesting things. If you notice the small details and like the variety and maximalist look, you like a Bohemian or Modern glam because the space, while deliberate, is filled and interesting and or beautiful. 3. Which do you prefer? 1. Formal sofa and perfectly styled gold-lined coffee table 2. A bright and bold sofa with a colorfully patterned pouf 3. A wicker chair, warm blanket and a wooden trunk that was passed down through the family 4. A chaise lounge, a still portrait in a gilt frame on the wall and a grand vase of silk flowers Answers: 1. Hollywood Glam 2. Eclectic or Bohemian 3. Rustic or New Country 4. Traditional

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must know. Retrieved from http://launchpadacademy.in/principles-interiordesign. Little, Shelly (2015) Transitional Design: What it is and How to Pull it Off. Retrieved from Freshhome.com. Marcum, J. (2017) How to pick the right light bulbs for your home and our favorites. Retrieved from https://www.chrislovesjulia.com/pick-right-lightbulbs-home-favorites. Mastroeni, T. (2018) Why you need to incorporate negative space in your design. Retrieved from https://freshome.com/negative-space. McGee, S. (n.d.). The Most Common Design Mistake We’re Seeing! Retrieved January 7, 2019, from https://www.studiomcgee.com/studioblog/2017/4/6/hanging-art. Przybyla, D. (2019). Gray Color Psychology and Meaning. Retrieved from https://www.colorpsychology.org/gray. Stuart, A. (n.d.). Age-Appropriate Chores for Children: Chore Ideas and Allowances. Retrieved January 7, 2019, from https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/chores-for-children#1.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LUCY BOWMAN resides in northeast Wisconsin with her husband and three daughters. She earned her Master’s degree in English from Morehead State University and teaches writing courses at a local technical college. She loves reading a good book, riding bikes with her family and learning new ways to improve her home.

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