Love Your Life: Living Happy, Healthy and Whole [Hardcover ed.] 0743296931, 9780743296939

Citation preview

Victoria Osteen

$25.00

U.S. (

Do

you ever

feel like

your

!an. SzS.qc)

moving at

life is

the speed of light? Are you constantly trying to keep up with

of your com-

all

mitments and responsibilities? In

this

day and

when modern communication and technology cause our lives to move faster than ever, many age

people struggle to strike a balance between

segments ot

the

their

career, social obligations,

lives

and

—

church

up and

pile

—Victoria

how

intimately

at

times

Osteen understands

overwhelming. As

feel

sets the

and acts

model

as a role

who

for her family.

As

a minis-

community

look to her for guidance, strength,

wisdom, and encouragement. She knows anyone that operating

as

in so

many

as well

different

can be extremely demanding, yet she has

roles

managed

to find balance, living her life in the

unforced rhythms of grace. tell

a wife

tone for her household

she reaches out to an enormous

of people

—America's

day-to-day responsibilities can

and mother, she

ter,

friends,

family,

self.

As co-pastor of Lakewood Church largest

all

you that she loves her

to love your

life,

If

you ask

her, she'll

and she wants you

life

too.

No matter where you are in your life, no matter what

responsibilities

you may

carry,

you can

find

peace, balance, and enjoyment in every area of

your

life;

power do

but

inside

it all

starts

learn to tap into

is

with you. You have more

you than you

realize; all

what you already have! As

you begin to recognize your own influence,

and use them

other areas of your In

Love Tour

sonal

life

Life,

in

life will fall

and

abilities

healthy ways,

all

the

into order.

Victoria shares from her per-

experiences and her journey of faith

the lessons she's learned that have

woman

you have to

she

is

today.

As you

made her

the

read, you'll feel like

you're in a conversation with a trusted friend as Victoria

shows you how to tap into

has given you to

live

effectively

all

— as

that .1

God

positive

influence on the world around you. You'll be (continucilOn l\uk-

//.//>>

Digitized by the Internet Archive in

2011

http://www.archive.org/details/loveyourlifeliviOOoste

/p

Love Your Life

Living Happy, Healthy, and

Whole

Victoria Osteen

FREE PRESS

New York

London

Toronto

Sydney

fe FREE PRESS

A

Division of

Simon

8c

Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY Copyright

10020

© 2008 by Victoria Osteen

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book

or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Free Press Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230

New York, NY First Free Press

Avenue

of the Americas,

10020

hardcover edition October 2008

free press and colophon are trademarks of

Simon

& Schuster,

Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact

Simon

& Schuster Special

Sales at 1-800-456-6798

or [email protected].

The names

of

all

persons other than family

mentioned

in this

Manufactured

in the

members and

public figures

book are pseudonyms. United States of America

13579

8642

10

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Osteen, Victoria

Love your

life

:

living happy, healthy, p.

and whole

/

by Victoria Osteen

cm.

Includes bibliographical references. 1.

Self-actualization (Psychology) 2.

— Religious aspects — Christianity.

Christian

life.

I.

Title

BV4598.2.089 2008 2008031768 248.±-dc22 ISBN-13: 978-0-7432-9693-9 ISBN-10: 0-7432-969 3-1

To

I

find

my husband and my hero:

Joel,

more reasons

to love

blessed to be your wife.

encouraging

you every

Thank you

every situation, and

because of your love. You are shining armor.

for believing in

I

am

me

so

and

I

will

light

my

up

my

truly

am a better person

always love you.

beyond measure, and inspiration and

I

my best friend and my knight in

To Jonathan and Alexandra,

I

world.

cherish

my beautiful children: You have enriched

you both

so

my

much. You are

most precious possessions. You are

daily dose of joy, filling

my life with

thank God for you every day, and

my heart.

and

me daily You challenge me to come up higher and

to see the best in

Your smiles

single day,

I

love, laughter,

love

life

my my

and fun.

you both with

all

I

of

Acknowledgments

The experience helped

me

to

grow

of writing this in so

many ways. The

truth

only through God's grace and the people

book became

that this

who

me and

helped

a reality.

whom

to

I

me and

book has stretched

He

is,

my

it is

my

life

put in

There are so

owe

though,

many

people

appreciation and

gratitude. First,

I

want

to

thank Carolyn Reidy, Dominick Anfuso,

Martha Levin, and everyone

at Free Press for believing in

and in our mission to present God's message of hope,

love,

me and

compassion to our world. I

also

want

to

Jan Miller and

Dupree

thank the best literary agents in the business,

Shannon Marven and the

Miller, for their friendship

as big as

we

first-rate staff at

and loyalty and

for thinking

do.

When we

stay in faith,

God always

brings the right people

across our paths at the appropriate time and season.

thank Joanna Hunt-Nunez for her dedication to

and

for the creativity

and excellence she brought

wish to thank Michelle sessions,

Adams

and Ken Abraham

for the

many

who brought

vn

I

want

to

this project

to

it. I

also

brainstorming

to this project the

Acknowledgments experience and expertise that only he could. And, of course,

thanks to Jason Madding for I

want

to

wood Church

extend

my

a great

cover design.

warmest thanks

want

to offer a loving

thank-you

Michelle Trevino, for keeping consistently going above and

all

to

Kingdom.

my

Church

of the balls in the air and

beyond the

of duty.

call

my Lakewood

members who

family, our faithful

In particular,

executive assistant,

dearly appreciate and want to thank

I

Lake-

to the staff of

our ministry. Together we

for their dedication to

are accomplishing great things for the I

my

for

more than

twenty-one years have embraced me, encouraged me, and gone out of their

way

to

show

They

their love to me.

And

friends and a true reflection of God's love.

people I

who view

are

my

to the

dear

many

our television program and weekly podcasts,

say thank you for your heartfelt support and for sharing

your I

stories and, in turn,

am

thankful that

supportive family

all

of

relationship with Joel

own

I

lives

Her

life is

have the best

Daddy Osteen

I

am

faith to

a special

law, April

and

that

me

same love

and I

like his

many

am

very

to

me

others.

I

privileged to

Paul and Jennifer Osteen

indebted for the devotion, love, and support

that they and their families offer to

extend

show

Comes and

me

treated

and brothers-in-law, and

be close to Lisa and Kevin a daily basis.

a loving

my life. From the very beginning of my

an example of

sisters-

with me.

have been surrounded by

daughter, and Dodie continues to

today.

on

your

thank-you

to

me each

day.

And,

I

want

to

my sisters-in-law and brothers-in-

and Gary Simons of High Point Church and Tamara

and Jim Graf of Faith Family Church, whose lives inspire

faithful

and godly

not only me, but thousands of others as well.

Mil

Acknowledgments

I

was blessed

to be

born and raised in a

faith-filled

home.

My father and mother not only loved me dearly and provided for all of in

me

my physical needs, but more important, they instilled

the faith and values that

Georgine

Iloff, is

I

possess to this

My mother,

my best friend. She has always believed in me

and expected the best from me. As just like her.

day

I still

in shining armor.

do.

a little girl,

I

wanted

to be

My father, Don Iloff, was my first knight

He

is

— steady and

the rock

secure.

am

I

thankful for the foundation he provided and for always being there to pick brother,

Don,

me up when is

I

He

fell.

never

let

me down. My

the best brother in the whole world.

always admired his brilliance and wit, and

I

I

have

am blessed to have

such a close and loving relationship with him, his beautiful wife, Jackelyn,

and their daughters.

I

couldn't do

what

I

do

without his support and vision. Finally,

and most important,

Savior, Jesus Christ.

He

is

I

want

to

my everything.

IX

thank

my Lord and

Contents

Acknowledgments

vii

Introduction

xiii

Chapter

1.

Understanding Your Influence

Chapter

2.

Living with Confidence

29

Chapter

3.

Embracing What's Important

55

Chapter

4.

Keeping the Right Perspective

75

Chapter

5.

Making

Chapter

6.

Recovering Lost Opportunities

109

Chapter

7.

Overcoming Offenses

119

Chapter

8.

Enjoying Rich Relationships

135

Chapter

9.

Discovering

Chapter

10.

Chapter

11.

Being

a

the

Most

of

What You Have

What Others Need

People Builder

1

93

163

187 209

Receiving Love

223

Notes

XI

Introduction

I

wrote

new

book in the hope that it will help you

this

your

levels in

abilities

to achieve

and to discover the treasures,

life

gifts,

and

within you that are just waiting to be uncovered. In the

pages ahead, will help

you

want

I

to share

some foundational

truths that

realize the depth of these valuable treasures

you

carry

As

co-pastor of

Lakewood Church, IVe had the

opportunity to meet so their lives with their

me.

many women who

incredible

share stories about

We talk about their families, their careers,

good times and bad, and of course

their relationship with

God. Through

many conversations I have found that

most of these

women

are doing

their lives, they often feel cally,

and

At

a

although

good and important things

overwhelmed

in

—emotionally, physi-

spiritually.

time

when

the pressures of the

modern family

complicated by the pressures of the modern world,

we

are

often

struggle to find a healthy balance between career, family, and relationships. ness,

you can

Love Your

But even in the midst of find fulfillment

all

the hustle and busy-

and achieve happiness

Lifel

Xlll

—you can

Introduction

So what does

mean,

it

Love Your

to

Life'!

When most

ple reach the twilight of their lives, they will

about having

a

tell

about investing

other people. regret, "If

only

in

I

people

would have taken

I

life is

That doesn't have

make

so that

tell

you

it

was

people say with

better care of myself ...

my

if

family and the

love."

Loving your

ing to

we heard

times have

would have spent more time with

I

not

themselves and their relationships with

How many

only

it's

bigger house or a better job, or about the car

they drove or the clothes they wore. They will all

you

peo-

to be you.

changes, to

let

you can be the

right perspective

being willing

to

make

Loving your

changes.

life is

being will-

go of old ways and unhealthy habits

you can

best

be. It's

about having the

and understanding the value of

who you

are

and what you have. It's

that

learning to love others and learning to love yourself so

you can get more out

ognizing the

gifts that

most of those

gifts.

of

God

Ultimately, loving your

your

relationships.

It's

about rec-

has given you and making the

life is

about discovering the great-

ness that's inside of you and the influence you have on the

world around you. You

will be

amazed

at the

impact you

will

have when you tap into those treasures within.

No

matter where you are today, you have the potential to

have better relationships, to increase obstacles,

and

to celebrate the life

xiv

in confidence, to

God

overcome

has given you. Perhaps

Introduction

some unfair things have happened things don't define It's

you and they

not what happens

to

you

past,

but those

don't determine your future.

let

it's

what hap-

your experiences draw con-

from you; instead you can draw confidence from your

experiences.

more

your

that matters most,

pens in you. You don't have to fidence

in

in

you

Be encouraged today because there that

is

is

so

much

waiting to be discovered. There are

new

options for your future, and opportunities to be recovered.

Now

is

the time to leave the past behind and

embrace the destiny that Let this book help perspective: to see

Love Your

Life in

lies

you

make room

to

ahead for you.

to see

your

beyond where you

life

are right

ways you never thought

XV

with a fresh

new

now and

possible!

to

!

Understanding Your Influence

What's

Your

in

Memory Box?

A few years ago, my husband, Joel, and living rabilia

room looking through one

my

the years.

mother meticulously

We

of the

I

were

sitting in

many boxes

collected

our

memo-

of

and organized over

were doing some spring cleaning that day and

stopped to enjoy the treasures we'd found in this one particular box. It

child

was

filled

with so

many reminders

—old photos, drawings,

hood mementos. sitting at

my

when I came

Joel

and

I

clips of

were

when I was about seven I

read

expressed toward

I

laughing

at a

photo of

lipstick,

my mother and father

As

opened the faded, yel-

I

words of love and affection

my parents. "I love you, Mom and Dad. You As

I

continued reading

my eyes were drawn to another part of the note writwe

are

carefully printed so long ago

and

ten in red colored pencil, which simply read: "I feel like

somebody important and I

me

gave to

years old.

my own

as a

my hair, and other child-

are the greatest parents in the world/'

the card,

who I was

mother's dressing table covered in her

across a card that

lowing card,

still

of

I

know

stared at the phrase that

I

that

we

are."

Love Your Life

wondered why that?

How

I

would have written

could

possibly have felt so important?

I

be so bold ut such a

young age

mattered so much? As

it,

but

insight that has forever affected

God

could

I

family and

I

it

God opened my mind

my way

to

an

of thinking. That

is,

has placed great value, significance, and importance on the

inside of every

me

my

think that

How

that should have been so insignifi-

breezed right by

I

to

think of

contemplated the words on the card,

I

was one of those moments cant that

What made me

it.

that

I

am

tant to God,

What's yourself?

all

us.

That note

important to

I

am

Some

God

I

wrote as

today,

a child

and because

I

reminded

am

impor-

important to myself and to those around me.

memory box

in the

of

your heart?

How do you

you may wake up and not

days,

fact,

some

have days

when

important; in

We

one of

days,

you may

seems

it

as

see

feel that

feel just the opposite.

though

life is

trying to

knock us down and get us off course, and we lose sight of the great treasure inside us. But

may

feel or

what you

how you

your own value and

how you is

significance.

the inside of every one of us.

must remind ourselves every day

by accident; we are created are full of purpose.

not

placed great value, significance,

and importance on

We

is

appear to others; what matters most

believe about

God has

what matters most

in the

that

we

are not here

image of God and our

lives

Not only does our purpose involve our

own accomplishments and good and adding value

destiny, but

to the people

it

also involves bringing

around

us.

— Understanding Your Influence Listen to what

you

are saying about yourself.

thoughts are you playing in your mind? tant to be aware of

working distort

to

your

It is

What

extremely impor-

your internal dialogue and make sure

it is

Wrong thoughts and wrong mind-sets

benefit.

your sense of value and worth and cause you

to fall

short of your full potential.

One

of the best strategies of a great coach

team thinking

builds

up

his players

When

his

team goes

not only about their ability;

it is

about their

in the right direction.

and helps them believe out on the

field, it's

attitude, their

He

to get his

is

in themselves.

mindset, and their internal dialogue. They go

out feeling like winners great job. In the

—

as

if

they have what

it

takes to do a

same way, you should go out on the

field of life

feeling like a winner, having a champion's attitude, because of

what you believe about

is

in the habit of speaking life,

because a healthy

one of the greatest assets you can have.

only cause you to

you

Get

words over your

positive, faith-filled

self-image

yourself.

rise higher,

but

it

It

will not

will inspire others

around

to live at their best.

What matters most is what you

believe about

your own value and significance.

The way you

live

toss a stone into a in a similar

your

life

pond and

manner your

those around you.

it

matter si Think about

sends ripples across the water

life " ripples

out" and has influence on that

much

way you

live is

You may not think you have

impact, but whether

you

when you

realize

it

or not, the

Love Your Life

Your

setting an example.

attitude,

how you

carry yourself, and

your confidence, how you

interact with others

people in the most subtle ways. Influence

produce an just

by

effect

living

example we in the

truth:

you

life

full

simply the power to

are producing an effect.

set allows the people

why

is

are important!

around us

When you

living each

God and

it's

essential to hold

The way you

day with

live

a

your in

on

to this

life

matters!

your

memory

life,

He

placed in you.

Life

created to bring zest and flavor to the

world around you just by being yourself! In our family,

humor

in

everyday

life.

One

time

I

corny.

shook

tend

was making

joke about something that happened, and admittedly

little

I

one who's always laughing about something and try-

ing to find the a

to

champion's mentality, you are honoring

reflecting onto others the value

are the spice of

to be the

fail

recognize your importance and respect yourself,

You Are the Spice of

You

we

to rationalize living

Pen those words on your heart and hold them box.

If

value and live without focus or purpose, the

same way. That

You

influencing

without an apparent exertion. In other words,

your

understand our

is

is

it

was

a

My teenage son, Jonathan, just rolled his eyes and

his head, with a big smile.

laugh, though.)

We

all

knew

(I

could

tell

the joke was

immediately piped up, "You know, Jonathan,

your mother,

it

he wanted

a bust, if it

would be pretty boring around

to

but Joel

weren't for

this

hou-

Understanding Your Influence took that as a huge compliment, because no one wants to

by creating

a boring house. Just

we

can enjoy each other

when we work

together.

a lighthearted atmosphere,

more and can be more productive

A good sense of humor and a positive

much

outlook can add so

value to the world around us.

Your unique personality and

you can

people need; flavor

and zest

world around you, you can make people

thirsty for a higher level of living

by

living at

and motivate them

your personal

ple deposits strength into others

new

characteristics are qualities

inspire others to greatness. Besides adding

to the

their purpose. Just

live in

best,

to fulfill

your exam-

and empowers them to

rise to

levels.

I

heard a story about a newly elected mayor of a town in

Ohio. At the inaugural parade, as he and his wife rode

Main

Street in the motorcade,

waving

to the

gathered along the route, they passed a

"That

crowds of people

man who was

out to the mayor's wife. The mayor asked,

down

"Who is

that

calling

man?"

my old boyfriend," his wife responded coyly.

is

The mayor nodded

his head,

and

said, "Just think; if

you

would have married him, you wouldn't be the mayor's wife today."

She smiled and answered, "No, him, he would be the

Now,

that

Do you

question

is:

ent roles

we

friends,

woman

mayor

if

I

would have married

today."

recognized her ability to influence! The

recognize yours?

carry out in

life;

we

We all have many differ-

are parents, brothers, sisters,

employees, employers. Whatever role you are in today,

you can help around you.

set the course of victory for yourself

and those

Love Your Life

The

Way

You Live Your

Not only do you make ships,

difference in your personal relation-

but you have tremendous influence on the job. Whatever

you are

career

you

a

Matters

Life

in

today people are counting on you. Whether

are serving at a restaurant or serving on the board of a cor-

poration,

you make

a difference right

where you are just by

liv-

ing with a heart of excellence. Isabelle works as a receptionist for a small oil-field supply

company

in

Houston. She

is

perfect

and among the most

for her job. She's bright, personable,

upbeat people you will ever know. Everyone around her loves her.

If a

coworker has

office

problem, she knows

a personal

she can talk to Isabelle and Isabelle will find the silver lining. others have good news, Isabelle they'll share

trouble,

and

She

known

when

as

everyone as they had at a

she took

a

Isabelle

It

calls

to take

in the

was an inconvenience

to put aside their

was forced

one-week leave of

During that week, various people

time to take phone

whom

mother had been diag-

own

and greet

Unfortunately, Isabelle's mother took

and

one with

things go well.

a serious illness, so her.

first

an encourager in times of

1

took turns covering for her.

hours

the

Isabelle learned that her

absence to be with office

is

a celebrator

One day nosed with

it.

is

If

more time

a

for

duties for several visitors.

turn for the worse

off.

She used vacation

time and sick time, but before long she ran out of paid days and

had

to

arrange to take unpaid leave.

Understanding Your Influence After about a month, the company's owner

burden on the others his employees,

in the office

had become too

that the

great. Like

he also valued having Isabelle around, but he

decided that the drain on their energies was too

and made

felt

a difficult decision.

He

much

instructed the

to bear

human

resources department to find her replacement.

Soon word got around the

office that the

company was

company

looking to replace Isabelle. Instead of seeing the owner's decision as a

relief,

something unexpected happened.

Her beleaguered coworkers gathered together and went the owner.

They

told

him

that they didn't

want her

to see to be

replaced and that they were willing to continue covering for her.

One by one,

ish their

own

would change It

they told him that they would stay

duties or his

late to fin-

make any other adjustments

if

he

mind.

took Isabelle's mother another few weeks to recover well

enough

for Isabelle to return to work.

During that time, her

coworkers faithfully kept to their word and not only covered for her, but did everything else necessary to keep the

on

company

track. It

how

was over those

last

few weeks that the owner realized

important Isabelle was to the morale of the people in his

office.

In the

many years

had never perceived tionists

since he

had founded the company, he

as irreplaceable

who had worked there.

any of the dozens of recep-

In fact, he

was so impressed by

the dedication of his employees to Isabelle that he pitched

in, to

everyone's surprise, and covered the phones once himself.

The owner understood the value bring to a work environment.

He

that a positive person can

realized the positive influence

Love Your

When

had on the others.

Isabelle

owner asked her

Life

Isabelle finally returned, the

into his office and informed her that he

going to pay her for the time she had been away.

remarked

to

company

benefit." Today, Isabelle

tionist the

one of

managers that

company has ever

Like Isabelle, life

his

for those

Isabelle

was

was

He even

"just like a

the highest paid recep-

is

had.

you can make

a difference in

around you. People need your

the quality of

love, support,

and

encouragement. Take your position seriously and use your influence well.

young woman

There's a story in the Old Testament about a

named life

Esther.

held

little

She became an orphan hope

young

girl

and her

She had no position or

for significance.

power; she was merely one of

as a

many young women

in her city.

But something was different about Esther: She believed God, and she believed in looking for

a

new

herself.

At

that time,

in her

King Xerxes was

queen, so Esther's cousin encouraged her to

go to the palace with the other young

women who were being

presented to the king. Because Esther had favor with God, she

found favor

at the palace,

and

Esther was chosen to be the

after a period of preparation,

new queen.

In her

new

position,

Esther had tremendous influence and favor with the king. But it

wasn't her social position that

heart position. She understood

made her

who

influential;

it

was her

she was and that she was a

person of destiny.

That truth was

instilled in

her

Esther's cousin Mordecai deposited into the

memory box

tle girl,

he would

many

words of

of Esther's heart.

tell her,

years earlier

When

"You've got what

faith

when

and hope

she was just it

takes.

a lit-

You were

Understanding Your Influence

born to do great things. You can make life." It

ment

a difference

with your

was that voice of victory and those words of encourage-

that helped Esther recognize her value

her potential.

When

and understand

she became queen, those words continued

to help strengthen her

and give her the courage

to rise

up and

confront the challenges she faced. She understood that her

was not just about

herself,

but was about using what

life

God gave

her to impact others. Esther had those seeds of influence ingrained in her long before she had a

doubted herself

at times,

memory box, and what her to

fulfill

if

am

I

sure she

but she hung on to those words in her

she believed about herself built faith in

her purpose. Esther went on to save the entire 2

nation of Israel from being destroyed.

What

title.

Esther hadn't recognized the influence her

life

could have? She might have shrunk back and settled for an

ordinary existence and missed the opportunity to have an impact that changed the course of history for so Is

your memory box

and encouragement? Or

filled

many

with positive words of hope

is it filled

with doubts, insecurity, and

low self-esteem? Perhaps no one ever took the time age you, or some unfair things happened in your

someone walked out your value or

of

your

significance.

what others have

said or

to encour-

life.

Maybe

but that does not change

life,

You

people.

are

still

important. Don't

let

done stop you from living with pur-

pose and enthusiasm. You can't hold on to past mistakes and allow

them

to keep

time to get a

new

you from what you were intended outlook on

life. It's

negative memories and start fresh.

If

to be.

It's

time to clear out those

you'll rise

see yourself as God's special treasure, selected

up today and

by

Him and

for

Love Your Life

Him, then no one can keep you from your destiny! Nothing can disqualify you from your purpose. This

You can

rise

your season!

is

above disappointments, negative words, and

unfair situations as long as you don't lose sight of your value.

As Mordecai was your box:

life.

You

you

realize,

thought possible. this truth,

be a voice of victory in

even

when

if

your memory

in

You have an assignment and

encouragement, and

gifts, talents,

treasures inside

than you

me

Take these words and put them

are a person of destiny.

are full of

times

for Esther, let

that people need.

love.

You have

You have more

in

No

matter what happens in

you

life,

hold on to

don't always feel strong. Even during the

to

push you down or convince you otherunder

wise, don't allow those treasures within to get buried

your circumstances. You can

sight of

your value. Hold on

because deep takes.

You

exactly the

rise

above disappointments, neg-

and unfair situations

am reminding you

I

you

and you can accomplish more than you ever

life tries

ative words,

rich

down

in

to

your sense of

you don't

your

spirit,

lose

destiny.

know

today of what you already

are created in the

way He

as long as

you know you have what

it

image of God. He made you

intended, and

He equipped you

with every-

thing you need. You have the strength to stand strong in the

midst of

good

difficult situations,

decisions.

Dare

takes to

make

and believe that you are

a per-

and the wisdom

to be bold

it

son of destiny because you can leave your mark on ation.

You may

feel like

your

life

10

this

gener-

looks ordinary today, but

you

Understanding Your Influence too are writing the pages of history! Hold on to these words

and allow them to drive you to your destiny.

many

So they

we

feel

can't

people lose sight of their

understand something or

However, today

we

want

I

we

adopt the attitude,

you

to challenge

may

be

tied,

"It's

to look

how

to

impossible."

beyond your

was talking recently with

but God's hands never are.

a

woman who was in a situation

seemed hopeless but had come

that

can't figure out

and consider God.

Your hands

I

destiny because

trapped in their circumstances. Too often, just because

accomplish our goal,

limits

own

made some bad They were

to ask for prayer.

She had

choices in her relationship with her daughter.

and not talking

in strife

like their relationship

to each other.

Now it looked

would never be restored and she would

not be able to see her grandchildren and be a part of their

She was so distraught.

lives.

and

it

I

didn't really

did look like an impossible situation.

heard myself say something that before.

I

said,

"God,

it

I

know what

to pray,

As I was praying,

I

don't think I've ever said

looks like her hands are tied. There's

nothing else she can do." Then something just rose up out of

my

spirit,

and

I

said,

know Your hands leaped in face.

"God, even though her hands are

are not tied."

When

I

said that,

tied,

I

something

my heart, and a light of hope shined in that woman's

She immediately changed her

focus,

and she became

will-

ing to see past the impossible.

Are you facing

a situation right

11

now where you

feel like

Love Your

your hands arc

tied? In

Life

your marriage? Your career? Your

health? Are the negative voices constantly playing over and over,

reminding you of how

impossible things seem?

Maybe

that's true, that

today in the natural world, and

tied

hands are

can do whatever

is

okay

way

out, or

God's hands are never

it

looks impossible, even

tied.

His power

is

tied.

He

when we

unlimited. Nothing

are His hands free to help

today, they are stretched out toward you. situation.

"My

even when we've made poor choices,

Him. Not only

too difficult for

any

to admit,

necessary to bring you through.

Remember, even when don't see a

it's

your hands are

But always know, God's hands are not

tied."

how

not going to work out, or

it's

He

is

you

can turn around

With God, you can overcome any

obstacle.

He

can open up the right doors and cause the right people to have favor on you.

God

He

can soften hard hearts.

favor with the authorities.

He

can give you

can cause people to change their

minds.

You may not way.

Our job

mean

see a way, but that doesn't

isn't to try to figure

it all

there isn't a

our job

out;

is

to trust

and believe God, knowing that we are people of destiny, chosen

and equipped for His purposes. As you stay

God

will

Esther,

choose you even

when we

when we

don't feel like

in faith,

What God

has done for others,

In the Bible,

chances to

and

fall

it

He

that

people overlook you. Like can do

it,

God

will give us

favor with the right people. His hands are not tied.

what's coming against you, face

know

in faith.

No

matter

Don't back down.

can do for you.

long before David was King, he had plenty of

into the trap of believing he

his life didn't matter.

was

insignificant

He was overlooked bv

L2

his father,

Understanding Your Influence criticized

herd boy.

by

his brothers,

When

asked to see

and regarded by

the prophet Samuel

many

came

as just a shep-

house and

to his

the brothers so he could choose a

all

new

king,

David's father didn't even consider David a candidate and

him out Samuel was

in the field taking care of the sheep.

was only

any of the other seven brothers

didn't select

called in

It

left

after

that David

and eventually chosen. Even then, David's brothtime serving in King Saul's army, which was

ers spent their

considered prestigious and a position of honor. David, being the

youngest, was

still

relegated to the shepherd's

fields.

He was

seen as an errand runner, having to often take his brothers, "the

important ones," their lunch.

own

without a sense of his

seemed

like life

He

value.

But even though

feel that

you too

3

are the errand runner or that

has overlooked you. You've done your best, but haven't seen the results

you had

my

people leave

the scenes.

you

God has

stay in faith,

plish everything

When you

out,

You may not

cumstances, but

remember, God

see

how you

a plan

is

You

working behind

can overcome your

and He can make

a way.

obstacle

has planned for you.

13

lies.

I'll

go through setbacks or

you can overcome any

God

this situation.

dreams. But don't believe those

are handpicked by God.

been

you're tempted to

Oh, what's the use? I'll never get out of

never accomplish

you

now

life

maybe you

anticipated, or you've

through some disappointments and

when

it

chose to believe against the odds, and

eventually David was promoted.

think,

that

let

had overlooked him, David knew that he was

handpicked by God.

You may

could have easily

he could have gone around feeling inse-

affect his self-image;

cure,

He

cir-

When

and accom-

Love Your

Learn

When we lose

to

Life

Applaud Yourself

we

sight of our value, oftentimes

will turn to the

approval of other people and look for validation from a parent, boss, or loved one.

receive

it

We all

from the people around

sole source of validation.

seems

us,

to be

but

we

can't let that be

our

We can't wait for the people around us

sometimes we have

to applaud us; life

need encouragement, and we should

to applaud ourselves!

When

dragging you down, you have to be the one to

encourage and believe in yourself. I

was

at the

gym

conversation with a

the other day on the treadmill having a

woman

next to

diagnosed with cancer and had asked "Yes,

I

first."

I

ought

will

pray for you, but

I

me who

me

to

have to

looked her straight in the eyes and to be so

proud of yourself. Look

had just been

pray for

her.

I

said,

tell

you something

said,

"You know, you

at

you! You got up

today and came to the gym. You could have pulled the covers over your head and stayed in bed, but you didn't. Instead, you are facing this with great hope and faith.

I

admire you, and you

should applaud yourself."

When whole

face

she was reminded of her strength and tenacity, her lit

up, she

had

a big smile

on her

face,

and she held

her shoulders back. She recognized the importance of affirming herself and giving herself the proper credit. live in victory,

our main encouragement has

inside.

14

If

we

to

are going to

come from

the

Understanding Your Influence

Don't be afraid to applaud yourself today. You going through some to

make

it

through.

you

to hold

great

when you have

people in your

what happens when those people

up, but

be

but you have strength

difficult situations,

It's

may

life

are not

around? That's when you have to learn to draw strength and

encouragement from the to

inside. That's

your memory box with

fill

times you

made

reminders of

it

all

through some

how God

obstacles in the past.

why

your

so important

victories,

and

all

difficult situation. Fill

protected you, and

When you

it is

it

the

with

how you overcame

rehearse over and over

all

the

good things you have accomplished and you dwell on God's goodness in your yourself today. to rise

life,

You

you

will

have the strength to applaud

will

have

all

the encouragement

up and accomplish what you want

in yourself

and give yourself

so

good

and out of that inner strength he

many people

add value to so time

we were doing

all

is

at

encouraging him-

able to encourage

over the world.

I

we had a pastor

and

remember one

a television interview with a

journalist in another state, and

Our

to accomplish. Believe

credit for a job well done.

My husband, Joel, is always self,

you need

well-known

friend with us.

friend has a strong gift of encouragement and he always

knows how

to

make you

feel like

you

are the greatest person in

the world. He's always building up the people around him.

After Joel's interview, as

"That

felt

what

wanted

I

good.

I

we

felt like

to say,

and

I

all I

climbed into the

did really well.

don't think

I

I

car, Joel said,

knew

exactly

could have done any

better." Joel wasn't bragging;

had gone so

well.

he was just pleased that the interview

But our friend was taken aback by

15

Joel's

Love Your

Life

strong self-affirmation. Later on, our friend told us that conver-

whole outlook on

sation literally changed his

how

positive Joel

When

life.

was toward himself, our friend

he saw

realized that

he needed to applaud himself more often. He was always so

encouraging and complimentary to everyone

else,

but he dis-

covered that he needed to encourage and compliment himself as well.

So often

easy to see the good in other people, yet ignore

it's

Not

the good qualities in ourselves. cal

we need

or boastful, but

applaud even the

complete

a project

Were you self.

little

that

we should good

to see the

accomplishments

in

be egotisti-

in ourselves

our

lives.

and

Did you

you'd been putting off? Applaud yourself.

nice to a difficult person in

your

life?

Applaud your-

Are you overcoming an addiction? Applaud yourself!

Don't wait for other people to validate you; validate yourself today. Life

you

are

may

still

not have turned out the

here,

ness of selves,

life. If

it's

you

easy to

all

didn't

all

There

yourself

if

all

the busy-

is

didn't do right that day.

list

goes.

As soon

you have

or didn't as

make dinner

you recognize those

to stop yourself

and begin

to

right, instead of all the things

you may be

always something good you can find about

you look

Most people

we

the positive things in your day. Begin to look

what you've done

feeling.

forward.

overwhelmed with

the things

self-defeating thoughts,

at

feel

move

work out enough

or ... on and on the

acknowledge

will

we're not careful, we'll start criticizing our-

thinking of

Maybe you

planned, but

and you have value and purpose. Start look-

ing at the positive and

Sometimes

way you

for

it.

arc their

own

lh

worst

critics,

but instead,

wo

Understanding Your Influence should be our selves

own

best cheerleaders.

It's

easy to nitpick our-

and go around being negative. But instead of bringing up

the negative, start emphasizing the positive.

work out enough, but you took the

Maybe you

tor.

Maybe you

didn't

stairs instead of the eleva-

didn't take that friend out to lunch, but

way

encourage the security guard on the

to

you

did

work. You can

Maybe you've never actually

find

something that you did

said

anything good about yourself. Start today by saying, "I'm

a

good parent. I'm

a

right.

hard worker. I'm friendly and fun to be

around. I'm kind and compassionate."

As you begin reminding yourself right,

it

will

of being

change your

down on

of

all

attitude. Before

you know

yourself, you'll start thinking,

I

perfect.

is

God

toward yourself,

it

is still

working on

not only sours your

growth. You have to love yourself for

you

us. If

don't love yourself properly,

you

life

instead

it,

am

great! Quit focusing on the wrong. Lighten up, because

us

you do

the things

pretty

none of

you're negative

but hinders your

who you

are,

because

can't love others properly.

That source of strength has to come from within. You expect other people to validate

know

that

God validates

you

if

all

the time;

can't

you have

to

you, and you have to learn to validate

yourself.

woman relationship many years

Carol was a bright, talented, and lovely young

who

experienced the pain of a broken

ago.

Over the

years, she

was healing and growing stronger;

however, as a single woman, she found Valentine's the hardest day of the year. liness

It

One

to be

reminded her of her deep lone-

and she would find herself

to be loved.

Day

in tears

every year, longing

year, she decided that she wasn't

17

going to

Love Your allow herself to there wasn't

fall

Life

into that cycle again. Carol decided that

anyone

buy her

to

roses, she

if

would buy them

herself.

The night before

since she couldn't decide

bought

a

Day she went

Valentine's

between pink and red

you those gorgeous flowers?" people

very special," Carol replied with

saw herself

truly

many

years had

consumed

and expecting others started It's

you

showing love

a smile. For the first

did,

She stopped looking outward

her.

meet that need

for validation

and

at

any

as simple as flowers can

make

remember being

in the

age.

can

I

and doing something similar myself. The school

selling single carnations for Valentine's

send to someone in your

we

make

sure

six of

them and wrote

And

time she

to herself.

esteemed

sixth grade

"Oh, someone

in herself filled a void that for

funny how something

feel so

was

to

asked.

"Who

and the people around her

as special,

That simple investment

too.

in a vase

was buzzing.

office

and

roses, she

dozen of each. She carefully displayed them

on her desk, and the next day the sent

to the store,

received some, so

of course

My

class.

Day

that

friend and

we bought

different messages

we had more than anyone

I

you could wanted

to

each other five or

on each of the

cards.

else in the class!

We

just smiled, looking at our pile of carnations, feeling so pleased

with ourselves.

We were

being

silly girls,

but honestly, some-

times you just have to buy yourself some flowers. I

have found that the way we treat ourselves

ple for

how

yourself,

others will treat us.

you

will

draw people

If

exam-

you are constantly down on

into

your

same way. On the other hand, when you

18

sets the

life

who

treat

you the

invest in yourself and

Understanding Your Influence see yourself as valuable, the

way God

sees you, then others will

recognize your worth, too.

Put Your Oxygen

If

you have ever flown

have heard the

commercial airplane, then you

emergency

exits,

and oxygen masks that

case the cabin loses pressure.

something

First

flight attendant's instructions,

sengers about airplane devices,

in a

Mask on

fall

Then

informing pas-

lighting, flotation

from above your head

in

the flight attendant will say

oxygen mask over your nose

like this: "Place the

and mouth before assisting children or those around you."

We

have to

are going to take care of

anyone

That truth plays out off the airplane take care of ourselves, else properly.

I

—

you left

if

you

we

heard someone say you have to "show up" for

yourself before it

if

as well.

you can "show up"

are empty,

how

are constantly giving

will

for others.

Think about

you have anything

to give? If

and never replenishing, you

will be

drained.

We are God's creation and we have a responsibility to keep ourselves at our best.

out and overbooked.

God never planned

He

created the world and

and then He took the day the day off or took If

off.

some time

you're like me, you

kids to soccer, stop

for us to live stressed

When

is

that

the last time

to recharge

make

all

was

19

it,

you took

your battery?

a to-do list every day:

by the grocery

in

Run

the

store, finish a project at

Love Your Life work. You rush here and there, taking care of

all

matter most: family, jobs, friends, church

oh, yeah, did

up the

in priority?

list

Most

don't have I

have

children.

my

who

my

feel like

I

there

is

It's

guilty is,

when

She

so

I

much

when

my best if

told

me

that

when

she

is

taking time to get her hair

the chair at the salon tapping

counting the minutes;

can't

I

seem

to

don't have time to take care of myself because that needs to be done."

funny because

is

unable to give

she goes and gets her nails done. She

said, "I sit in

feet nervously, just

relax.

move your-

has a great husband and three beautiful

she has to rush

cut and colored.

am

I

good wife and mother, but she

is a

she feels so guilty feels like

to

you

best to give.

a friend

She

.

of us try to take care of every-

one but ourselves, but IVe found I

.

Do you need

forget to put yourself on the list? self

.

the things that

she

I

am

sure the only time she doesn't feel

doing things for her family. But the truth

is

her family probably wants her to take time for herself so she

can be her best for them. Don't yourself last on the That's not balance;

you must take things to relax

into the trap of putting

or not even putting yourself on the

list it's

fall

not even healthy. You are important, so

means you have

care of yourself. That

—

list.

read, play golf, take a

bubble bath

—even

to if

do

you

have to schedule thirty minutes of "me time" into your daily planner.

Sometimes

at the birds or us.

just taking a

taking in

Maybe you need

cream cone

(fat free,

and refocuses you

some

walk

fresh air

in the is

enough

to kick back

under

of course!).

Whatever

will be a

park and looking

a tree

to rejuvenate

and enjoy an

it is

ice

that refreshes

good investment of your time.

investing in yourself also

means investing

20

in

your personal

Understanding Your Influence

Maybe you need to join

growth.

or invest in

some teaching CDs

a

gym to get back into

or leadership material. Sure,

can cost some money, but you're worth far

it,

and the return

outweigh the investment. You might be surprised

few small deposits in yourself can pay off in important thing enjoy

If

it.

that

is

you

shape,

a big

at

it

will

how a

way. The

you

take time for yourself and

you had an expensive family heirloom, you would

take care of

it.

You wouldn't mistreat

worn down, because

it is

valuable.

You

let it

it,

up or

get beat

are valuable, too, so take

care of yourself.

See yourself as valuable, the

I

and

read a story about a

who

man who

died in extreme poverty.

way God sees

lived in a tiny apartment

At one point

had even been homeless, living on the had any successes to speak

and died

as just

of,

you.

streets.

nor any noted

in his

This

man

victories.

run-down apartment

members went

to clear out his belongings.

The woman who bought the

local art gallery for

that the painting for so

a

years in a

famous

The woman decided selling

it

He

lived

They found

a

sell it at

picture took

it

to a

an appraisal and was shocked to discover

was extremely

many

been painted by

never

to his little

painting hanging on the wall, so they decided to

hung

he

another face in the crowd.

After the funeral, some family

a garage sale.

life,

valuable.

little

artist

The

piece of art that

run-down apartment had

who

lived in the early 1800s.

to auction off that painting

for several million dollars!

21

and ended up

Love Your just think of if

how

known

he had

that poor

Life

man's

might have changed

life

what he possessed. He was

the value of

multimillionaire and didn't even

know

So

it!

many

a

people

today are living with priceless treasure inside, and they don't

even know

it.

Sometimes we have

inside of us to really understand

the most famous Artist of value, you'll

so

many

thoughts to play in your

when you

am

settle for

are a masterpiece, created

but

all,

go on thinking, I'm

made

ented, I've

what we have. Don't

You

living a mediocre existence.

on the

to appraise what's

if

by

you don't understand your

just average; I'm not that tal-

mistakes. Don't allow those negative

memory box.

Instead, every

get out of bed, remind yourself, "I

handpicked by God, and

I

am

am

morning

important.

I

extreme value and

a person of

significance."

You

are God's

own

masterpiece. That

ordinary or average; you are

God the

created you,

He went

a

God designed you

to great lengths to

thing about you

is

the

way you

you

— not only who you

will love yourself

around you

make you

to be like

When exactly

everyone

are for a purpose. Every-

unique and everything about you matters.

When you

See yourself as an original. value

are not

one-of-a-kind original!

way He wanted you. You're not meant

else;

means you

are,

understand your

but also whose you are

— then

more, and you will love those people

in a greater

way. Realize today that because you

belong to Him, you are extremely valuable.

When you

respect

yourself you are honoring God.

After

long ago,

I

I

found that card that started

wondering

if

I'd

my

written to

my

parents so

children understood their

influence in our family, our ministry* and the world around

::

Understanding Your Influence them. So one day

I

asked

my eight-year-old daughter, "Alexan-

do you think you're important?"

dra,

"Yes," she said and smiled at

figured she

I

so

I

me

wondered where

all

kind of funny

told her about the note I'd written to

years ago and added, "See,

was coming from,

of this

my parents all those

when I was your

age,

I

knew I was

important, too."

She just ing,

Mommy, Joel

them do.

sat there

and

I

and grinned

at

me

you're kind of weird, but

want our children

to feel that

to

I

as

if

love

she were think-

you anyway.

know their worth. We want

they are an important part of everything

we

We want them to know that not only do they matter to us,

they matter to God, and they matter to the world around

them! You are never too young, and never too old to inspire the world around you.

When Alexandra was just

five years old,

and her daddy loved to hear her

sing.

she loved to sing

One day Joel asked her if

she would sing a special song at the end of our worship services

on the road. Alexandra agreed, and

I

was so proud of her and

impressed by her confidence. Here she was, just a

little girl

standing up in front of thousands of adults, and she didn't

appear to be nervous at

all.

She stepped on stage and did what

she loved, and she did a wonderful job. a part in our touring events,

when

we

she sings.

receive

dra's

Now she

regularly has

and she always blesses the people

What amazes me

most, however, are the letters

from parents and other children about how Alexan-

example motivates and inspires them. Children who were

formerly afraid to participate in school or church programs receive inspiration

from Alexandra's boldness, so now they

23

Love Your

own courage

are finding their

Lite

to step out

and take part

things as well. Alexandra was simply being herself, and five-year-old can influence the people

and

gifts

abilities, all

a

around her by using her

all

the lives

you are

silently touching.

don't have to be on a stage or in front of a large crowd to

make

you

a difference;

life to

you

to

are

making

the best of your ability.

that kind of person

whose very presence

come up higher? When

by

a difference

living

your

Have you ever been around inspires

and motivates

Jesus walked the earth,

that sort of effect on people, and

it

He had

wasn't because of His

"superstar" quality or position and prestige.

He

if

of us can!

You may never know

You

in

It

was because

truly loved people and had compassion for them, depositing

seeds of

have

life

and inspiration wherever He went. You too can

a positive influence in the lives of

friends,

and

all

those you encounter, even

your family your if it's

for a passing

moment.

Your Life Paints a Picture

Everything we do produces future generations.

men

that they

The

may

see

a

seed and leaves something for

Bible says, "Let

your

light shine before

your good deeds." Notice, people may 4

not hear your words, but they are going to observe your can

tell

mv

children

all

day long how they are supposed

and what they are supposed

to do, but the truth

24

is

life.

I

to act

they are

Understanding Your Influence going to do what they see are going to

model

me doing. When they grow up, they and

their lifestyles

what they have experienced. That

their relationships after

why

is

it is

so important to

example before our children and

live as a positive

families.

We

paint a picture with our lifestyles, and our children put their

own frame around it. proud to frame!

Paint a picture that your children will be

And remember,

home, and paint

vision and purpose in your

be passed

down

in

never too

it's

your family

late to create

a picture that can

for generations to come.

nize that through your example

you

your own children but

children's children.

in

recognize our importance,

your

we

Recog-

are investing not only in

When we

are laying stepping-stones, not

stumbling blocks, for future generations, and leaving a legacy of faith.

The Apostle

who had

Paul,

when

writing to Timothy, a

young man

great courage and confidence, told him, "Timothy,

I

can see the faith of your mother Eunice and your grandmother Lois in you.

//5

Timothy's strong belief came through the

ence of his mother and grandmother. Those

investment that had an impact in Timothy's

Maybe you

don't have

Your words of

life.

your nieces and

important they

are.

be a great deposit in their future.

Invest in those around you, because

happen when you touch just one

you never know what can

life.

In 1939, in a small East Texas town, a

Sam Martin would

an

life.

Tell

how

friends' children

faith will

women made

any children of your own, but per-

haps there are other children in your

nephews and your

influ-

young man named

get to high school early each

write scriptures on the chalkboard.

25

He was

morning and

passionate about

Love Your Life sharing his faith even though the other students thought he

was

a little odd, a little

much

do with him. But one night

to

walking

home from

He began with his

overboard, and they wouldn't have

to think

a

the family Bible.

was

nightclub at two o'clock in the morning.

about eternity and what he was going to do

man went home and randomly opened

This young

life.

fellow classmate

a

The page he turned

to

had

a picture of Jesus

standing at a door knocking. The caption read, "If anyone will

open the door,

The

I

will

come

teenager's heart

he had seen

Sam

in."

was

stirred.

way?" he

recalled the scriptures

write on the blackboard.

young man asked Sam about the saw the night

He

before.

"Sam,

picture and the scriptures he

why

do you think I'm feeling

God drawing you," Sam

The next Sunday Sam took

his

explained simply.

new

friend to church.

that day that John Osteen, Joel's father,

Christ and his

life

Sam went on

didn't

to

become

But that didn't matter.

Osteen today.

be the

it /

You have

a decision for

my

father-in-law

If it

grew up

the world like John Osteen.

wasn't for

might not have been

a

Sam

Martin's positive

John Osteen or

Sam Martin wrote

Fifty years later,

to do.

a

a Joel

book and

Touched One, but He Touched Million*. That should

title for

Your

was

but he never spoke to

a pastor,

make an impact around

influence, there

made

It

of faith began.

large crowds of people like

called

this

asked.

"That's

Sam

The next day the

each of our

life is significant.

a

lives.

You

are a part of God's eternal plan.

pivotal role to play in history. Don't ever underes-

timate your value. You

may

not be

26

in

the spotlight, but

you

Understanding Your Influence will be

rewarded for every good deed, for every person you

encourage, for every act of kindness. son,

you

When you touch one per-

are building a legacy of faith.

Loving your

here with the essentials: under-

life starts

standing you are important, and out of your importance, know-

ing

you

are called to add value to the world around you.

matter where you are in

life

you have

today,

increase, to grow, to be strengthened,

There

is

much more

In the

inside

you

that

a difficult situation

direction for her

Mother simply

to the

potential to

and to move forward.

waiting to be discovered.

is

famous movie The Sound of Music,

where Maria has gone back

No

there's a scene

convent in hopes of escaping

and discovering something new about the

life.

says,

By way

of encouragement, the

"You have

to live the life

Reverend

you were born

to

live."

That's into the tains.

what I'm

life

telling

you were born

There are new

you today Keep pressing forward to live.

levels in

your

Keep climbing those mounlife

and you need

to look for

them; there are treasures within you to discover, and there are gifts and abilities that are waiting to be uncovered.

As you

discover the valuable treasures in the depths of your heart,

you

new perspective; and you will

love

will see yourself

your

life

in

with a fresh

ways you never thought

27

possible.

Love Your

Life

ANCHOR THOUGHTS /

will

my memory

fill

box with good

things, recognizing

my

importance, living with a champion's mentality. •

/

will not hold

from who

I

on

to

me

past mistakes, nor allow them to keep

was created

to be. •

/

will not wait for others to

good

qualities

and

I

applaud me.

I

will focus

on

my

applaud myself

will

•

J

realize

I

knowing

am

handpicked by God.

that

I

am

I

will live with confidence,

valuable and have something great

to

offer. •

J

recognize that everything

my favor for my 1

will be

best each

children

I

do produces a seed and

lives on.

day and plant seeds of blessing and

and future generations. •

/

God made me

believe

equipped filled

me

exactly the

with everything

need

I

way He wanted, and He to live

an abundant,

ful-

life. •

When

it

positive

looks impossible

and

I

don't sec a

and hopeful, knowing

tied.

28

way

that God's

out,

I

will stay

hands are never



2

Living with Confidence

A few years pile

on the sofa

ago,

Joel

and

after dinner to

sion programs, Fear Factor. as

I

along with our children would

watch one of our favorite

We enjoyed viewing the contestants

they attempted outrageous stunts

ings, to sitting in a

bed of

televi-

—from jumping

reptiles, to eating

off build-

nasty bugs. We'd

sit

and watch in anticipation wondering what the contestants

would have

to

do next.

And

of course

when

it

came

Alexandra would bury her face in her daddy's chest

insects,

while Jonathan would perk up and exclaim, "Cool! I'd

to eating

choose a different word: "Gross!

Each stunt tested the contestant's

"

"

ability to confront

and

overcome

his or her fear. If the person allowed fear to stop him,

or even

fear slowed

the

if

show and

him down,

the contestant would be off

the camera would follow

him down

the dreaded

walk of shame. This continued until only one contestant remained. That contestant was of course declared the winner

and received the prize money. I

noticed that most of the time, the contestant

who won

not

only overcame her fear but approached each task differently

from the others

—with confidence. Her confidence not only 29

Love Your Life allowed her to overcome her the tasks

more

faster,

win within the

skillfully,

Many

the task required.

first

fear,

allowed her to perform

it

or with whatever proficiency

we

times

could

who was going

tell

to

twenty minutes of the show, just by that

confidence factor. You could see

The only way

it

While that was only a similar scenario play

winner's eyes.

in the

break the power offear

to

and build confidence

plete a mission

but

move forward.

is to

how

a television show,

out in our

own

lives?

and we have our goal

straight into a wall of fear.

Maybe

often do

we

see

We set out to commind, only to run

in

you're about to apply for a

work; then you find out someone that you per-

promotion

at

ceive to be

more

Or maybe

there's

qualified

is

you shrink

also applying, so

something you've wanted

do for

to

back.

a

long

time, perhaps start a business or go back to school, but you're afraid It

you won't be good

so

it,

doesn't take a television

of confidence.

It

safe. It's

to

move

not built

you press

past

show

stop.

to

know how is

effectively

the

enemy

can keep you from your God-given destiny.

The only way is

you

from pursuing our dreams. Fear

fear can block us

dence

at

to break the

power of

forward. Confidence

when you simply

your

fear.

fear

isn't built

stand

Throughout

and build confi-

life,

by playing

still. It's

we

all

built

when

have opportu-

nities either to shrink

back and settle where

to take a step of faith

and embrace the new things God has

store.

You were never

it's

created to be stagnant.

30

it

comfortable or in

You were never

Living with Confidence created to take that walk of shame;

you were

created to win.

Don't allow fear to hold you back. Keep stretching, keep grow-

keep learning. Tap into everything

ing,

God

has put on the

inside of you.

God

Most people

Is

Certain of Your Abilities

are familiar with world-famous boxer

Muham-

mad Ali, and his renowned trainer Angelo Dundee. What most know

people don't

Dundee would write place

it

that just before every boxing match,

is

a

number on

inside Ali's glove. That

a small slip of paper

may sound like

what he

The number

did.

that

a strange thing

Dundee had

to give a boxer right before a fight, but

and

a reason for

Dundee wrote on the

slip

of

paper was the round in which he predicted Ali would knock out his opponent.

Dundee was

didn't just guess

would win I

so confident in Ali's ability that he

whether or not Ali would win, but when he

—and Ali knew

it.

love that story because

trainer

had

in him,

Muhammad

Ali.

I

and

it

it

shows the confidence

shows the

positive effect

it

Ali's

had on

believe that confidence played a tremen-

dous part in the champ's amazing success as one of the greatest boxers

who

ever lived.

Ali's ability to succeed,

Dundee was

certain of

Muhammad

and the confidence that he

instilled in

his friend helped to give Ali a champion's mentality.

In the

same way, God

is

certain of

31

your

ability to succeed.

Love Your Life After

He

all,

placed

God

the outcome,

it

has confidence in you. Let that sink

your heart today

into

Even when you're not certain of

there.

— the God who holds the universe When you

the palm of His hand has faith in you.

embrace that

truth,

down

it

you

will cause

to

have

in

really

champion's

a

mentality.

Do you

Muhammad

think

Ali

was ever

Do you

afraid?

think fear was a factor before he entered the ring to trade

blows with the

Foreman? he

felt

that

I

little

glove

past his fear and

piece of paper that

may have done more

that

when

best believed in him. That

marched toward

Angelo Dundee planted

make Ali

to

George

knew without

piece of paper in his glove, he

man who knew him

when he pushed little

Liston, Joe Frazier, or

My guess would be yes. But am certain

doubt that the

The

Sonny

likes of

a is

his destiny.

inside Ali's

the legend he

is

today

than most people will ever know.

You may not be inside yourself

placed in

you

will also find that

than anyone

He

else,

if

best.

He knows your

and He believes

you look deep

something has been

you by the One who knows you

even before you were born.

you,

but

a professional boxer,

in you.

God knew you abilities better

When He

created

planted inside of you His seeds of greatness. Every-

thing you need in order to be successful in your relationships,

on your job, and

in

every area of your

Have you ever stopped seed tions.

is

actually

dormant

You can have seeds

tucked away

in a

Those seeds are

drawer

full

of

to think

until for

it

is

life is

about

how

works?

tree, plant,

and nothing

tremendous potential

>:

a seed

A

placed in the right condi-

every kind of

for years

inside you.

will

or flower

happen.

just waiting for

Living with Confidence the right environment. At any time,

them

seeds and plant

you can

take those

same

them the

in the right soil, then give

water and nutrients they need, and those seeds that were once

dormant

grow and produce.

will begin to

The same

is

true for the seeds inside you. Those seeds

have been lying dormant, but you are potential.

It's

still full

may

tremendous

of

time to change your internal environment so

those seeds can

grow and produce the harvest

for

which they

were intended.

Muhammad Ali

The

fact

is, if

of paper

was

in his glove,

it is

it

didn't

know

would have had no

that

little

effect.

Likewise,

important that you recognize and understand what

has placed inside you vision for your

life.

—seeds

push past your

able to

fears

this,

God

and His

of strength, joy, peace,

Once you understand

piece

you

will be

and uncertainties with confidence

and move into your destiny.

When you Dundee placed

think about in

Muhammad

piece of paper with a

became

a part of

the

it,

Ali's glove

number on

it.

It

note that Angelo

was

really just a

did nothing until

Muhammad Ali's thinking. In much the

way, the seeds that

God

placed inside of

until they are planted in the soil of

today,

little

you can

your mind.

I

lie

to fruition.

When

fear

same

dormant

encourage you

open your mind and your heart and ask God

your seeds

to bring

comes against you, His seeds

will spring to life

and give you the confidence you need

push past that

and into your destiny.

This

The

is

fear

it

what Joshua and Caleb did

children of Israel had just been led

in the

to

Old Testament.

by Moses out of Egypt

and were on the verge of entering the land that God had prom-

33

Love Your

Life

them. This land was already inhabited by others, so Moses

ised

sent twelve

men

—among them Joshua and Caleb—

out and report back to him. The twelve

men

who

the land and observed the people

saw the

giants, those spies

over the

many

it

slipped quietly into

lived there.

The inhabitants were huge people strong and powerful. Certainly,

to scout

when

— giants — who were

the twelve Jewish spies

were awestruck.

I

can imagine that

days the twelve observed these giants, they

saw things that caused

fear to rise

up

in their hearts.

they watched the giants practicing their fighting

Perhaps

skills

or saw

workers carrying huge boulders larger than those most

humans

could have carried. Apparently, whatever they saw

struck fear in

most of the

like the others,

No

saw.

spies.

I

cannot help but imagine

that,

Joshua and Caleb were impressed by what they

doubt they too were tempted to fear the

But Joshua and Caleb had their companions.

While the others

a spirit different

They understood what was

told

Moses,

"We

giants.

from that of

inside of them.

are but grasshoppers

pared to the giants," Joshua and Caleb declared,

"We

com-

are well

able to overcome. Let us go at once and possess the land."

Because Joshua and Caleb allowed God's seeds to take

root,

they were able to push past their fears and march into their destiny.

ever

They were

made

it

the only two out of that whole group that

into the

Sometimes

it is

Promised Land.

our

own

from trying something new. and exciting, but take that

new

as

first step.

career,

we gaze

6

lack of experience that keeps us

We

want

into the

to

do something fresh

unknown, we

just can't

Perhaps you have an opportunity to start

a

but you are afraid that you won't be able to succeed.

34

Living with Confidence

Or your

homeowner

has stopped you

may

be true that you

that

God

does not.

He

cre-

when you

rely

on Him, He

will

lack of experience as a

from buying your

first

lack experience, let

me

home. While

you

assure

ated the whole world, and

you the confidence you need

give

it

to press past that fear.

Push past fear into your destiny.

God wants

move

us to grow and

you follow His plan

for

your

certain that

life, it is

sometimes find yourself in uncharted

When

into our destiny.

territory.

But

you

will

Joshua

like

and Caleb, when you understand who you are and that God

your

directing

dence,

you can embrace your future with

steps,

knowing

you

that

are well able to do

I

have

I

would

I

had

find myself uptight

all

I

me

That dread alyze me.

new

I

It

to quit.

felt

was

One day a

thousands of people.

week

My mind was racing,

I

symptom

was threatening

long.

to

realized

keep

encouraged

me

was

as

if

trying to

what was happening. was trying

me from

to par-

stepping into a

level.

repeatedly, "Victoria,

35

It

me that was

of fear that

experience and growing to the next

Joel

didn't

in front of

there were a line of fear right in front of influence

I

dreaded getting

of anxiety and thoughts of doubt and defeat.

full

you

overcome when

to

experience in public speaking and

up each Sunday and speaking I

fear

took over as pastors of Lakewood Church.

much

if

paralyze you.

remember how much

can

and

Joel

it

confi-

what God has

placed in your heart. Take a step of faith today, and even feel fear, don't let

is

we

are in this

Love Your together.

we

If

we both need

are going to take this ministry to the next level,

do our part."

to

Even though

because

I

God had

any

it

recognized

it;

was

The

go away just

fear didn't

had to recognize something

I

me

me,

fear trying to stop

that enabled

me

else: that

do what

to

I

could allow those seeds to spring forth and give

I

the confidence

needed, or

I

dormant and surrender

made

it

easier.

planted seeds in

needed to do.

me

recognized

I

make

that didn't

Life

the decision that

I

I

could allow

to the fear that

was not going

them

remain

to

was paralyzing me.

to allow fear to hold

I

me

back.

The next time eye

I

envisioned myself bigger than that

myself that

I

am

those seeds in

growing. of

stepped onto the platform, in

I

fear.

I

I

strong, talented, and able.

my mind, and as

envisioned

me

From then

God waiting

trees.

myself, to

was

Now

kept telling

continued to plant

could feel

my confidence

on, every time

as

right there for

me

with open

if

my

I

approached the platform,

fear

was replaced with

each time

He

says

These were

I

confi-

my seeds had developed into full-fledged oak I

step onto the platform to speak,

"God chose me, and He has equipped me, and

do what

line

strength and confidence.

visualized that scene until It

I

I

I

mind's

saw myself moving forward, stepping over the

arms, giving

dence.

did,

I

fear.

my

my

I

I

I

am

tell

able

can do."

seeds.

I

encourage you

to find yours.

Don't

allow fear to paralyze you or to keep you from achieving your goals.

Victory starts in your mind. for

you and

that

He

has

a

When you know

good plan

^

for you,

that

God

your seeds

is

will

Living with Confidence

germinate and spring forth. You will see yourself as

He

sees

you, capable of overcoming the paralyzing fear that blocks

your way. I

can imagine that

when Moses

he must have been

as leader of the Israelites,

dated. After

all,

died and Joshua took over

Moses was the man who had

a little intimi-

led the Israelites

out of captivity, parted the Red Sea, and drawn water from a rock.

No

pressure for Joshua, huh?

When

it

was time

God spoke

role,

7

you." Joshua

for Joshua to step into that leadership

him and

to

made

"Move

said,

forward,

will be

with

the choice to step over the line of fear

intended to paralyze him. Inadequate as he

and moved forward

I

felt,

he took action

to receive the blessings that awaited him.

There are blessings that await you,

too,

when you make

the

choice to take a step of faith.

have

I

this

a

plaque hanging on

very thing. In big black

will be

with you."

our house and

Our whole

when we

my back door reminding me of

letters

it

says,

family sees

it

"Move

when we come

Those words

leave.

forward,

live

I

into

with me.

I

think about those words whenever fear threatens to paralyze

me.

you

I

pray that those same words touch your heart and inspire

to press past the fear that threatens to paralyze you. I've

failures.

heard

it

said that the road to success

George Herman "Babe" Ruth

baseball players of

all

time.

He

hit

is

is

paved with

one of the greatest

714 home runs, and for

almost four decades he held the major league lifetime home-

run record. Legend has

it

actually pointed toward a spot

proceeded to hit a

World

Series he

outfield wall

and then

that during the 1932

home run

on the

directly over that spot.

37

He was

Love Your

known

"The Babe/' "The Bambino/' and "The Sultan of

as

Swat." In

fact,

Yankee Stadium

"The House That Ruth

own

itself is still

He was

Built."

known today

as

legend even during his

a

time.

One is

Life

many

thing that

people don't

know about Babe Ruth

that he once held the record for being struck out. That's

right

— three

strikes,

to the dugout.

his

list

and the Great Bambino was walking back

Which means you

Ruth struck out 1,330

of nicknames. In fact,

more than any other player Here

an interesting

is

can add "Strikeout King" to times,

in his era.

He

statistic:

held the lifetime record

for being struck out before

he held the lifetime record for

home

that at

runs.

You would think

perhaps the day he

officially

some point

in his career,

surpassed the previous record for

being struck out, he would have been

a bit

embarrassed.

doubt anyone would have blamed him had he just decided

I

to

skip the next game. But he didn't.

Baseball players and fans love to heckle the opposing team's players,

and

I

imagine he got a

lot of grief

from the other Yan-

kees as well as the opposing team's fans.

You might think

that once he

became the Strikeout King,

he would have started doing things

would have changed

a bit differently.

Perhaps he

his batting stance or decided not to

swing

so hard. But he didn't.

You run

see,

leader,

even before Babe Ruth became the lifetime home-

he saw himself as successful.

He

didn't allow his past

mistakes and failures to affect his confidence. himself as hit

a failure.

Instead, he

saw himself on

more home runs than anyone

J8

else.

He never saw a

He was

mission

—

to

not going to

Living with Confidence

allow the fear of failure to get in the

knew

those

home

way

He

of his destiny.

runs were inside of him, just waiting to

burst forth.

What do you do when you

give up and throw in the towel, or do

you stand

ing that you're one swing closer to that

many people

ure robs so sit

strong,

home run?

The Babe, you have

know-

Fear of

of their confidence and causes

out the game, languishing in the dugout of But, just like

Do you just

strike out in life?

fail-

them

life.

to realize that the seeds of

greatness are inside you, just waiting to burst forth. Don't

your past mistakes or Realize that

you

failures steal

your God-given

are also on a mission, and that

where youVe tossed your

bat,

you can

pick

it

One

ball right

of

my

was making articulate,

cum sion

destiny.

no matter

later

you

will

out of the park!

favorite stories

before Rachel Smith

let

up, get back in the

game, and keep on swinging, because sooner or

knock that

to

won

the

is

that of Rachel Smith.

of Miss

title

USA

world around

a difference in the

Long

in 2007, she

her.

Bright and

Rachel graduated from Belmont University magna

laude and stepped out in the direction of her deepest pas-

—helping underprivileged

unteer, helping

young

children.

She worked

as a vol-

girls in Africa.

Later that year, Rachel represented her country in the 2007

Miss Universe pageant difficult

week

Mexico

for Rachel as the

repeatedly at the

The night

in

City. It

had already been a

Mexican crowd booed her

mere mention of the United

States.

of the pageant, she gracefully walked out for the

evening-gown competition, wearing ning high heels. Suddenly her

a

gorgeous dress and stun-

feet slipped right

39

out from under

Love Your

Life

her on the highly polished stage floor and she dropped straight

down on her

backside

—

right in front of a live audience

and

millions of television viewers around the world. Rachel got

back up, smiling brightly through her embarrassment, and finished her walk.

When

was her turn

it

question during the

a

phase of the competition, the crowd started booing again.

final

She chose

a

you could

relive

you

answer

to

judge to ask her a question, and the judge asked,

any moment

your

in

life,

"If

what moment would

relive?"

How many times have we thought about our past mistakes and

and

failures

relive that

make

the

time

said, "If

in

my

only

I

could have the opportunity to

life, I'd

do

it

same mistakes." Think about

differently. it:

tunity to change the most embarrassing

wouldn't you?

I

know

that

if

I

If

wouldn't

I

you had the oppor-

moment

of

your

life,

had been Rachel and had just

slipped and embarrassed myself in front of millions of people

on global

television,

saying "I'd

I

might have responded

like to relive

to the question

by

my life about ten minutes ago in a dif-

ferent pair of heels!"

But Rachel didn't think that way. In

fact

she wasn't focus-

ing on her past failures; she was focusing on her strengths.

With

huge smile and

a

all

the confidence and dignity in the

world, Rachel told the heckling crowd that the

would Africa.

was when she was working with orphans

relive

What

when she was she was

at

moment

a

in

she

South

great choice! Instead of reliving the

moment

her lowest, Rachel chose to relive the

moment

at

her highest.

The crowd continued

to

boo

as she

kepr graciously smiling. "Buenos noches, Mexico!" she said.

40

Living with Confidence

And

then she winked

booing audience and gracefully

at the

walked back to her place in

line.

won

Rachel didn't win the competition that night, but she

with her the rest of her

a victory that she will take

She

life.

overcame the negative, booing voices and walked away with an impressive

title

of fourth runner-up.

but the story of Rachel's Internet,

was

fall

The competition was

all

over,

over the news and the

and had over two million replays on YouTube.

WeVe

all fallen.

We've

all

heard voices trying to tear us

like Rachel,

we

nately most of us will never

fail

down, but just

can't replay the falls. Fortu-

on worldwide

television.

Most

of us will never see our

most embarrassing moment on

many

of us will allow the fear of failure

YouTube. But

sadly,

and embarrassment over our past mistakes

to rob us of

our

confidence and our God-given destinies.

Don't make the mistake of replaying the negative images

on the YouTube of your mind. Like Rachel, replay your

victo-

ries.

Replay your accomplishments. Replay the good things

God

has done in your

life.

Get right back up again and keep

moving forward. People boo for so

your job or or they

your

in

may

many

reasons. There

family. People

may

may be jealous

simply misunderstand you.

be

critics at

or insecure,

Maybe they

aren't

even booing you; maybe they are booing something you represent.

Don't

let

the opinions of other people steal your confi-

dence or cause you to shrink back. If

Michael Jordan had allowed people to rob him of his

confidence,

we would never have known

the

man who

haps the greatest professional basketball player of

41

is

all

per-

time.

Love Your

When

Michael Jordan was in high school, he had

had no confidence

young man, and ketball team.

in

him. The coach saw very

as a result cut

Michael

would have

kids

Life

talent in the

little

him from the high school

and he

failed,

who

coach

a

when many

an age

failed at

bas-

just given up; but not Michael Jordan.

He

knew what was on

the inside, and he did not allow that high

school coach to rob

him

longer,

of his confidence.

and never gave up. He searched

the seeds of greatness that

Remember, God you.

He

God had

He worked

for,

and

when He

into a mistake.

life

finally found,

placed on the inside.

did not create a failure

did not breathe His

harder,

created

Remove any-

thing that creates a picture of failure in your thoughts and

choose to see yourself succeeding. Instead of allowing your past mistakes to rob

when you

confidence, focus, instead, on those times

When you

do

this,

you

you

will begin to recognize

of

your

succeeded.

your seeds of

greatness for what they are.

One

of the great stories in the Bible

boy named David who defeated and

a giant

is

about

named

a

shepherd

Goliath with

simple slingshot. Everyone

nothing but

a single stone

marveled

David's boldness and ability to take on such a

at

warrior, but

it

a

wasn't by accident that David had the confi-

dence to slay Goliath.

He

didn't just

wake up one day and

decide to take out that nine-foot-tall giant.

He

relied

on the

confidence that came from his past successes.

Long before David became king of

Israel,

shepherd boy looking after his father's sheep.

David was tending the sheep,

a

hungry

lion

a

mere

One day

while

he was

approached with

every intention of dining on one of David's sheep.

42

We know

Living with Confidence

from the Bible that David had

a strong

and abiding

faith in

Though he was young and inexperienced and almost feeling fear

when he saw the

lion,

he placed

stood up against the beast. The Bible

God.

certainly

his faith in

God and

us that he killed the

tells

lion.

Remove anything that creates in

your thoughts and choose

On

belt,

a

to see

yourself succeeding.

another day, while he was once again tending his

hungry bear approached,

father's sheep, a

make

a picture offailure

also intending to

meal of David's sheep. With one dead

David once again put

his faith in

God and

lion

under his

killed the bear.

Surely his confidence was growing. Finally,

he was

were

army

on one

fateful

summoned

He

soldiers.

day when he was tending his sheep,

to bring

some food

who

arrived to find his brothers along with the

of Israel in a face-off with the

There on the

to his brothers

army

battlefield that separated the

of the Philistines.

two armies was

a

nine-foot-tall Philistine warrior shouting obscenities at the

army fight

of Israel and challenging

him one on

from among the

When we is

one.

them

to send a

Philistine

to

To David's dismay, there were no takers

Israelites.

read the account of this event in the Bible, there

only one thing missing from David

response

champion

is filled

who

with confidence:

defies the

God

—

fear.

"Who is

In fact, David's

this

uncircumcised

of Israel?" he asked.

And then he

volunteered to go alone and fight the giant warrior.

43

Love Your

Life

His brothers, along with the other soldiers, ridiculed him for

what they perceived

as

mere bravado. But they

know what David knew: God had and

a

placed the seeds of a warrior

king inside him. His confidence became apparent

proclaimed,

"I

have

killed a lion

did not

and

a bear.

when he

This Philistine

nothing to me." David possessed no fear because he was with the confidence of his past successes.

you have fought and a nine-foot-tall

killed a roaring lion

man just

able to deliver

David did not see a lion

and

ences.

By

a bear.

imagine that once

I

and

for this day.

him

before,

David knew that

He would do

David drew confidence from

his past experi-

God had

to spring forth

down

placed inside of him, which caused

and produce victory

the lion and the bear?

approached or had just stood

fear, as

again.

his victory over

Is a

in his life.

What

8

Process

David faced Goliath with confidence, but what

lion

it

if

man; he saw

a nine-foot-tall

Gaining Confidence

faced

a ferocious bear,

focusing on his past victories, he was able to recognize

the seeds that

them

filled

doesn't scare you.

God had prepared David

God was

is

if

if

David had not

he had run when the

at a distance,

paralyzed by his

the bear slaughtered his father's sheep? Without those

past successes, David's seeds

would never have taken root and

he would have undoubtedly reacted to Goliath the same his brothers

had

— frozen

in fear,

44

way

trembling on the sidelines.

Living with Confidence

Gaining confidence it

a process.

is

You

happens only by taking one step

experiences.

you for

at a

it all

at once;

time through your

Your past experiences have prepared you

are right now, and

your

don't get

your experiences today

for

where

will prepare

you

future.

Any time you step out to do something for God or try to go

«

beyond where you

are, there will

discouragement. But don't levels

meant

be challenges, obstacles, and

let that

and gaining confidence

isn't

to be easy. If everything

new

stop you. Reaching

always easy

were easy

—but

all

it

wasn't

you

the time,

wouldn't stretch. You would never learn to recognize the seed of greatness that lie

God

has placed inside of you. Your seeds would

dormant, and you wouldn't grow. Gaining confidence

journey that

is

is

a

achieved one step at a time.

Your past experiences have prepared you

for where you are right now, and your experiences today will prepare

Stretching

mind.

It

is

good

for

you for your future.

your body, and

good

for

your

expands you and keeps you open for new growth.

God wants

to stretch

you

so

He can increase you. He wants you

to constantly be trying to do a today, so

it's

you can

tap into

all

little

that

He

more than you

are doing

has placed on the inside of

you.

Every experience that causes you to stretch builds your confidence.

God

begins to

work

work with Him. The more new

45

in you,

and then you begin

situations

you

to

experience, the

Love Your Life

more you

and the more confidence you

will stretch,

Sometimes stretching

is

uncomfortable, but

it

will have.

prepares you for

the challenges that line the road to your destinv.

Gaining confidence that

is

Quite often God us.

Since

will use other people in

When

fine-jewelry business.

me

began requiring I

a journey

achieved one step at a time.

was about nine years

I

is

to

go

didn't like to go, but

old,

was

I

our

my mother has been in the about thirteen, my mother

to the jewelry store to

my

mother wanted

me

grow. She was so proud to have

lives to stretch

with

work with

her.

to stretch

and

me

her,

but to

me

it

was

pure torture.

Here

I

was, a

young

jewelry to adults.

I

didn't think

filled

my

rubies,

asked

do

was

I

much

to

expensive

did not know.

certain that there

were

I

on customers!

Doubt often

know about diamonds,

to design a ring or a necklace?

was

sell

qualified to sell fine jewelry.

and sapphires that

I

expected to

to the dentist than wait

mind. There was so

me

that.

I

who was

was intimidated by the whole experience.

would rather have gone I

girl

I

What

if

didn't

know how

to

hundred ways

to

at least a

a

customer

embarrass myself. Fear was always there trying to paralyze me.

Sometimes,

I

actually hid in the back of the store until

other salespeople were so busy with customers that choice but to

What stood

my

I

come out onto

didn't realize at

fears

the sales first

and insecurities

was

I

of the

had no

floor.

my mother undermv gifts and talents.

that

as well as

46

all

Living with Confidence

She knew that

knew

also

time,

if

had everything inside

I

that

would have

I

was

that success

move

to

me

to succeed, but she

forward, one step at a

to be achieved.

She began by asking

me

to stand next to her while she

helped customers. Then each day she would instruct origins

me how to design jewelry. As I matured in

would ask

the business, she

give

the

and attributes of one gemstone or another. Gradually

she began teaching

advice.

me on

my

me on

She would congratulate

me

pointers

when

the customers liked

I

failed.

opinion and often take a successful sale

She would

tell

my and

me how much

me and how they asked for me when I was

not there. Eventually

became quite knowledgeable

I

and metals, and

became

skillful

I

in precious

gems

learned to love jewelry design. In time,

I

not only at selling jewelry but also at buying

jewelry for the business as well.

God used strengths.

me

By

my

stretching

to see that

Through

mother

I

to help

me one

me

to discover

step at a time

my

He was

inner

allowing

could succeed even in unfamiliar territory.

my mother, God was showing me how to replace my me on a path of success. It was in that many years later met Joel. He

fear with confidence, setting

that

same jewelry

came

in for a

I

watch battery one afternoon and

brand new watch.

money

store

ever since.

He If

I

If

you

at a time.

He

him

a

my comfort zone, might man of my dreams. (Looks like

had stayed

best after

will allow

sold

loves to say that I've been taking his

have missed meeting the

Mother knows

I

in

I

all!)

God to do

so,

will put people in

47

He will

stretch you,

your path,

as

He

one step

did for me,

Love Your Life

who

recognize your talents and are willing to help you discover

your inner strengths. And He

you

will

He moves you through

as

keep those people close to

the process of replacing your

fears with confidence.

My experience at the jewelry store taught me that God had my

already planted the seeds of success inside me; and through

mother,

He

back now,

taught realize

I

to press past

confidence

my

it

and learn

even know

uncharted territory and successes, I

the

I

them

to bring

When

I

forced

it

had.

Now when

I

find

me and

myself

need to gain strength from

I

look

I

to tap into the strength

my

in

past

begin there.

have come to realize that people are

same

forth.

was great experience because

fears

didn't

I

me how

a lot alike;

we have

and dreams.

feelings, fears,

A lot of things in life don't necessarily

feel

good, but they

are necessary to stretch you. In fact, the experiences that

seem

the most difficult are often the ones that bring out the best qualities in us.

Are you going through your boss causing you of

making excuses

and

"This

say,

is

a season of stretching today? Is

to get out of

to stay

your comfort zone? Instead

where you

stretching me, and

how uncomfortable you might

I

feel,

are, shift

your mind-set

can do this/'

No

matter

don't shrink back from

those difficulties or challenges. Instead, stand strong, knowing

God

that

As

is

taking you to

a little boy,

sons. Just as

didn't

want

ing, but

is

new

my son, Jonathan,

true with

to practice.

any

Of

every area of your

life.

took piano and guitar

les-

levels in

child, there

were times when he

course he'd rather be outside play-

he was learning discipline by practicing and preparing

4N

Living with Confidence

months

for his first recital. After recital arrived.

was so

I

excited and so proud of him.

about to leave, Jonathan came to ach hurts and

As

I

As we were

me and said, "Mom, my stom-

don't feel well."

his mother,

didn't

I

would have been easy wasn't really

of rehearsals, the day of the

for

want him

me

to let

to feel

him

any pain and

stay home.

I

knew he

he was nervous about playing in front of

sick;

it

a

crowd of people he did not know. I

knew Jonathan had

was quite good

at

me

encouraged

So

it.

practiced his piece and

in the

to stretch

same way

myself so

that

many

I

knew

that he

my mother had years before,

I

encouraged him to overcome his nerves and stretch himself. I

had him

expected,

again

sit it

was

it

down

was

piano and play the piece for me. As

at the

flawless.

flawless.

I

asked

him

to play

it

again,

Then I asked him, "Can you play

I

and once it

a third

time with no mistakes?"

He I

answered, "Yes."

asked him,

"Do you know why you can

play

it

again per-

fectly?"

"No," he answered.

Then "Because

I

placed

God

is

my index finger gently on his chest and said,

in here helping you."

Miraculously, his

He

tummy felt better. We went to the recital.

played the piece flawlessly, just like clockwork; the crowd of

parents applauded, and both he and

Today, not only does

my

front of thousands of people as

I

were very proud of him.

thirteen-year-old son speak in

we

he plays guitar in a youth band

travel across the country, but

at

church and

the adult band that performs at our

49

is

about to join

Wednesday night

services.

Love Your

Where

will his

do know

is

Life

music take him? Only God knows. But what

I

more confidence today because he

that Jonathan has

stretched himself and pressed through those uncomfortable feelings so long ago. It's

amazing what

you'll discover

if

you

start exploring

what God has placed within you. I'm always astounded when

man who

read an article about an eighty-year-old ing, or

something equally daring,

seems amazing, but that man and decide to jump out of

a plane.

goes skydiv-

for his birthday.

didn't just

To

us,

You can be sure

himself do

What

it

jump

hundreds of times

are

you doing

for

in his

that he has

you're a stay-at-home

life. If

think,

don't count; nothing

But the truth

much more

is,

you have

inside of

years,

I

so

you than you

There's a story about a

a step of faith;

mom,

can do would

much

it

may

and saw

make

sit

back

be a stu-

be easy to

a difference.

to offer this world. There's

think.

woman who was newly

almost penniless, afraid of public

life.

mind.

and wait for something to happen. Take

/

many

to stretch yourself? Don't just

dent of

it

wake up one morning

been stretching himself and trying new things his whole I'm sure he prepared for that

I

places,

and trying

teenage sons. After several tragedies in her

life,

divorced,

to raise

two

she developed

severe agoraphobia and was afraid to even leave her house. She

searched her heart for ways to support herself and her two sons.

She loved

to cook,

and

all

she

knew

make sandwiches and other simple two

sons, she found

a

to

foods.

do for income was to

With the help

of her

few customers, but because she was so

uncomfortable leaving the house, she had her two sons deliver

50

Living with Confidence

the sandwiches.

Her business quickly grew beyond the

her kitchen, and she

now

faced a decision.

Would

and stop growing, or would she confront her side her

she stand

fears

inside of her.

As she

sat in

at her,

God had planted

her house, she could imagine her

business growing, and she began to see success. She sion to stretch herself

still

and step out-

comfort zone? Though fear constantly nagged

she recognized that cooking was the seed that

size of

—one step

at a time. First

made

a deci-

she decided to

confront the agoraphobia that imprisoned her. Reaching deep inside herself, she

It's

was

able to take a job as a chef at a local hotel.

amazing what you'll discover if you

start exploring

what God has placed within you.

Her seeds began tremendous

success.

inside of her

to grow,

and once again she experienced

She was learning step by step that the

were seeds of greatness.

A

few years

later,

opened her own restaurant, The Lady and Sons, right heart of Savannah, Georgia. spread,

The

gifts

she

in the

restaurant's reputation quickly

and before long, the restaurant received national recog-

nition.

Paula Dean's restaurant was such a success that she eventually

landed her

own TV

had a role on the

show, published cookbooks, and even

silver screen.

most beloved

television chefs,

ized that the

power

Today she

and

it all

is

one of America's

started

that dwelt inside of her

when

she real-

was greater than

the fear that held her back.

Oftentimes people stay where they are

51

in life

simply

Love Your because of

only

But do you know that fear

fear.

thought

a

Life

your mind.

in

The Wizard of Oz.

When

the great Wizard of

Oz

isn't reality? It's

just like in that classic

It's

Dorothy arrived

at the

movie

Emerald

City,

appeared to be all-powerful and myste-

and he made everyone tremble. He seemed larger than

rious,

But when Dorothy and her friends pulled back the curtain,

life.

the "wizard" was just an ordinary man, blowing

pushing

One

a lot of buttons.

of the

most important things you can do

to learn to pull back the curtain of fear so

what

really

it

smoke and

the

is

enemy blowing

in

your

you can

a lot of

see

life is it

for

smoke and push-

ing your buttons.

It

doesn't matter

how many

in the past; that next

times you struck out

swing could be your home

Whenever you're tempted

to

doubt your

plish something, recognize that feeling as a it's

not

God

is

ability to

symptom

accom-

of fear

back the curtain on fear and believe that

reality. Pull

working

run.

in you,

and that He

will

complete what

He

has

started.

Do you need more "God

is

with me.

doesn't matter

He

confidence today? Start by declaring,

believes in me, and

how many

next swing could be your

I

can trust Him."

times you struck out in the past; that

home

run.

God

is still

on your

and He's sure of your outcome. He's not wondering will win;

He knows

greatness that

God

it's

It

if

side,

you

just a matter of time. Recognize the

has planted on the inside of you and allow

52

Living with Confidence

it

You

to spring forth.

are stronger today than ever before.

You have more wisdom. You have what equipped to defeat any giant in your experiences and marvel at

how

far

it

life.

takes.

You

are fully

Look back over your

you've come. You are a

champion, and your best days are right out in front of you!

ANCHOR THOUGHTS I

will keep stretching, growing,

to

hold

in

me.

me

hack.

I

and learning and not allow fear

God has

will tap into everything

placed

•

I

will not dwell

will focus

ing

on

my

past disappointments and mistakes.

on the good things God has done

my victories

and remembering

my

in

my

life,

I

replay-

accomplishments.

•

I

will stay focused

and determined, knowing that I'm gaining

more confidence and growing stronger each

day.

•

/

recognize that

destined

me

to

God

sees

win, and

me

as a champion. He's already

my greatest victories

are

still

ahead.

•

I

will not he discouraged

know God

is

in control.

complete everything

He

by setbacks, failures, or delays.

He's working in started.

53

my

life

and He

I

will

3 * Embracing What's Important

One day some hot

was

I

tea.

in the kitchen at

Lakewood Church, making

Several other people were taking a break, too, and

the place was buzzing with activity.

and

a

spoon

denly

I

and

in the other,

looked up to see

I

had

my tea in

was just about

I

my

little

to stir

one hand

when

sud-

five-year-old nephew,

Christopher, pushing through the crowd and running straight for

me. Now, although Christopher

he's as strong as a lion

and

doesn't recognize his

own

as solid as steel.

strength.

A

Christopher plowed right into me, grabbed

me

On top

knew

I

myself for what was about to happen.

and started squeezing

than half

less

is

I

split

all

the balance

I

could muster,

to brace

second

I

later,

me around the legs,

he could! With

as tightly as

size,

of that, he

had

energy he could muster, Christopher was showing

and with

my

all

me his

was trying not

the

love,

to spill

my hands were full, so couldn't. had to let go of what was in my hands first. As soon as placed my cup and spoon on the counter, was able to wrap my arms around little Christopher my hot tea!

As much

as

wanted

I

to

embrace Christopher,

I

I

I

I

and return pher's love,

his embrace. I

was

Not only was

I

able to enjoy Christo-

able to give love back to him. There

55

was an

Love Your Life

exchange that took place when hands.

How

we

that

new

we go through

go of what was

life

much

in

our hands that

things right in front of us.

something down

in order to

my

in

holding on to things

we

think are important? Sometimes

and have so the

often do

let

I

can get so busy

we completely miss

out on

We have to be willing to put

embrace something

better.

We have to be willing to put something down embrace something

in order to

Is

you

you know you need

that is

there something

trying to do in your

you

are holding

to let

your thoughts consumed with

day

in the kitchen,

I

you know

a situation

full to

it

is

Are

destructive?

from your past? You

something good, but good things

to

embrace God's very

was simply holding

ther good nor bad, but

something

your schedule overloaded? Are

clinging to a relationship that

can also keep our hands too

to today,

go of to make room for what God

life? Is

might even be holding on

on

better.

a

cup of

best.

tea. It

was

That nei-

was keeping me from enjoying

Christopher and allowing him to be a part of

my day.

The God Option

One

thing

is

certain in

life:

change. People change, fashion

changes, technology changes, seasons change

56

—

that's

why

it's

Embracing What's Important important to stay flexible and be willing to change in order to

embrace the new things God wants us to do

in

our

people struggle with change because they think

because they careful,

we

comfortable where they

feel

are.

Some

difficult or

it's

But

if

we

aren't

can easily become complacent and coast through

never really growing or experiencing that which of enjoying.

enlarge our

He wants

lives.

God wants

lives,

us to look for

expand our

vision,

new

we

life

are capable

opportunities to

and increase our influence.

us to broaden our thinking so

we

can broaden our

lives.

So

many people

today

narrow, limited

live

lives.

themselves and their options to only what they

they knew growing up. college,

If

no one

they think they can't

They

see, or

else in their family

either.

They

let

limit

what

went

to

other people

define their limits, or they allow their resources or circum-

stances to define their limits.

you

are not limited

by your

If that's

past, the

have been told you can or can't

may

the

God

see.

economy, or what you

is

always an option you

There's always another way.

I

like to call

option.

Think about the years ago.

today, realize that

No matter what options you

think you have right now, there

may not be able to it

do.

you

The

first

picture

television sets that

was

in black

came out

so

many

and white only, yet people

thought television was amazing and were thrilled with

When color television was ted

it.

first

introduced,

They had grown comfortable with

TVs, and viewing television

life

in

life

in black

resis-

their black-and-white

gray was good enough for them. Color

was an option they

seeing your

many people

it!

just couldn't see.

You might be

and white today, but God sees your

57

life

Love Your

Life

in full color.

He

be open to

new experiences and new ways

much more

has so

to

encourage you today, be willing are right

may

now and

add to your

to look

be open to what

God

life if

you

will

of thinking.

I

beyond where you

can do in your

life.

You

not see any other options now, but remember there's

always the

Many

God

option.

times in our

life,

Joel

and

I

had to be open to what we

make room

couldn't see and didn't understand in order to

what was

in

our future. This was especially true when

father passed away.

could

work

out,

and

to that point, Joel his life

At it

we

how

so

many

seemed that our options were

his father

Not only

behind the scenes

did they

they were great friends and father's ministry.

couldn't see

Joel's

details

limited.

Up

had invested more than seventeen years of

working with

sion ministry.

first

for

work

in the televi-

closely together, but

was

Joel's entire career

tied to his

His father was the one ministering out front,

while Joel worked behind the senses, building and expanding his father's television ministry. do,

and

that's

That

is

what he was trained

what he enjoyed doing. But when

his father died

suddenly, Joel had to be flexible and open to a

thinking about the direction of his

life.

He had

preconceived ideas he had about himself to

what God wanted

to

do next

in his

had to reposition his thinking and

was just if

a

let

many good

options,

to reshape his thinking,

using

to take us to the next level.

it

make room

Joel let

it

for

didn't look as

go and allowed a

vision for the

the change and believed that

58

go of any

wasn't easy, but Joel

he was able to get

He embraced

of

go of the mind-set that he

when

future.

new way

to let

behind-the-scenes person. Although

there were

God

life. It

to

God was

Embracing What's Important

God

has placed in you everything you need to rise higher,

but you must exercise your

too,

open ically

to change,

God

keep the right perspective, and don't automat-

assume the worst. Even though

ized that Joel's dad

baton to

us.

Keep yourself

option.

had run

his race,

it

and

was

difficult,

we

real-

now he had passed the

This was the time to stand up, not

sit

down.

Joel's

determination to be open and to make room for whatever

wanted istry

to

we

do was the key step that launched us into the min-

are in today.

Have you experienced reposition yourself today?

a loss in

your

Whether

it

Do you need

life?

was the

has a good plan for your

God always

a progressive

wants us

gives

God, and

to let

He

God

still

Stay open and be willing to

life.

you

to

loss of a loved

one, or the loss of a job, or even the loss of a dream,

change.

God

move

the grace to

always wants us to

forward.

He

rise higher;

go of anything that would try to hold us

is

He

captive.

Don't get stuck thinking that there aren't any good options.

God

option.

a season to

mourn

There's always the sons; there to press

on

is

to the

to reach a point

a loss,

where you are ready

past or old mind-sets, to keep

you

for you.

to do.

to let

key

to get his

It's

so important

When you hold on to the

fulfilling

a large barrel it,

also a season

go of yesterday and

your

Have you ever heard how hunters used

a small hole in the side of

has sea-

are actually falling into a trap that

you from

The hunters would fill

life

is

but there

new things God wants

embrace the future God has

was designed

Remember, your

destiny.

to trap

monkeys?

with bananas and then cut

just barely big

enough

for the

mon-

hand and arm through. The monkey, completely

unaware of the

trap,

would reach

59

his

arm

into the barrel and

Love Your grab one of those bananas. But

he couldn't get his clenched

wouldn't release

capture, the

tried to pull his

in his

that banana so badly that he

interesting that at

It's

monkey

could have easily

hand that he

When you

let

Many

any point

hold on

was so focused on what

into a trap that

in a trap!

was designed

keep you from fulfilling your destiny.

people live like that today

that they don't realize

God

was

past or old mind-sets,

to the

— with

clenched, so focused on trying to hold on to

victory

prior to the

go of the banana and

didn't even realize he

you are actually falling to

out,

and the banana back out of the

pulled his hand out of the barrel, but he

was

arm

Consequently, the hunters would easily

it.

capture the monkey.

when he

fist

The monkey wanted

hole.

Lite

both hands

what they have

robbing them of the freedom and

it is

has in store. Don't

release anything that's keeping

that be you!

let

you from God's

Choose

best in

to

your

Don't get trapped because you aren't willing to change or

life.

reposition yourself or your thinking. Faith

is

a process.

God

one step

leads us

at a time.

He

will

always put inside you whatever you need to move forward.

you need strength, you.

placed

by

you need

If

it's

inside you.

because

He will

hasn't already prepared

minded

to

you need hope,

joy, determination,

them within you. So

faith,

If

what God

is

tap into

it's

inside

encouragement, God has

your God-given resources

never ask you to do something that

you

doing

to do. in

60

If

He

Be open-handed and open-

your

life

today.

Embracing What's Important

God

In the Bible,

go to a

new

place.

It

Abraham

told

didn't

make

to leave his

a lot of sense to

He had

because he was comfortable where he was. friends

I

family and

don't

want

to go.

like

I

what

I

is

doing in your

But Abraham believed that

God would

give

he

to

He and

I

like this

my hand."

have in

what God

today.

let

go of what was in his

him something even

stayed open to change.

nephew Lot and

if

life

"God,

said,

Be open-handed and oven-minded

hand,

Abraham

and he was familiar with the surroundings. He could

have easily held on to what he had and place.

homeland and

better.

Abraham

his family, along with his

Lot's entire family, packed

up

their belongings

and their herds and headed out into the unknown. As time

went

on, they

had increased so much that the land couldn't

support both families and

agreed to part ways.

all

Abraham gave

choose the land he wanted.

you want left."

the livestock, so Lot and Abraham

He

You choose

to go?

Lot the opportunity to

said to Lot, first,

and

"Which

I'll

direction do

take whatever

is

Lot looked out as far as he could see in both directions and

chose the best part of the land, the plain of Jordan. The Scripture describes lush.

was

I

imagine

in the

it

as a well-watered garden, so beautiful

it

may have looked like

Middle

other direction, the desert.

and

little

It

it

East.

grass. It

Hawaii, even though

When Abraham

saw what was

didn't look like Hawaii;

didn't look very appealing

it

for

it

in the

looked more like

—there were few

would have been easy

61

and

Abraham

trees

to think,

Love Your

Man,

I

got the short end of this deal. God, where

You showed

ment Why

me is

in the

this

thinking, God,

know

I

against us

is

really

we

forward so

I

got something else?

us.

is

However,

working it's

up

when we have

to rely

and grow. God always wants us

can tap into our

on our

to

move

you have been

full potential. If

going through some changes that you don't understand, or

you don't have the favor you once saw

looks like area,

God

could be stirring you out of the old so

you

into

may

not always be the easiest way. Sometimes

something new.

missed out, but

God

onlys, then

need to

if

be. It's

we

had gone only

I

It's

in a certain

He

can bring

it

looks like

let

easy to overanalyze

to college," "If

would have

easy to

only

I

a situation or

slip into

you must get past the

if

He

if

we

thinking, "If only

I

"//

new home." However,

onlys, because

you

can't stay

you've never been! You have to look forward to where taking you.

we

look to place

had married that person,"

qualified for that

it

go of the

can open the right doors and get us where

It's

if it

not always comfortable, and

embrace the new and

will

the blame somewhere.

to

of thinking and embrace the change

has in store for us. That's

faith to help us stretch

first!

way? Have you found yourself

going to work out for

way

the assign-

had chosen

I

expected one thing and

us to release our old

God

that

only

Sometimes the very thing we think

have.

I

felt

If

the favor

is

who had

past? I'm the one

happening?

Have you ever

I

Life

where

God

is

has the right places, the right people, the right

opportunities lined up for your future.

It

may

look as though

you missed the good, but remember, God always has something better in store.

This

is

something Abraham believed about God. Abraham

62

Embracing What's Important did not complain or criticize Lot for taking

He

best land.

did not question

the short end of the deal. the barren land that

going

like to

was soon

to be exciting to see

amazed

at

Abraham.

think that he looked out over

how God

And

clearly the

or gripe about getting

to be his

how Abraham let go

tion of something better. ise to

I

God

what was

home and thought,

turns this around.

I

It's

am

of something good in anticipa-

of course

God

His prom-

fulfilled

9

Have you found yourself thinking, God, I

expected one thing and

Years ago

buy It

a

Joel

ilies, it

I

in a

was on

neighborhood

a beautiful lot,

we

got married,

first

filled

and

it

like

was

it

set

out to

perfect for us.

with other young fam-

even had a swimming

— something that IVe always wanted. We made the best

offer

we

could on the property, and prayed and believed that

would accept

the owners

didn't hear anything. ing, "This

is

dream about

it.

One

after

day went

and

I

No

one was living

time

I

in

it

we

at the time, so

it,

study

even marched around

to give us that house.

could believe

it

— —

it! I

I

The door

thought, That

totally closed.

63

it,

and

like the

believ-

was determined. is

my

But unfortunately the homeowners didn't take our didn't get that house.

but

by,

marched around the walls of Jericho

God was going it

Day

out in the evening and look at

children of Israel

could see

it.

We kept speaking words of faith, declar-

our house."

we would go

ing

and

got something else?

home. We found one that looked

was located

pool

when

I

I

I

house!

offer.

We

couldn't believe

Love Your Life

it.

was so disappointed.

I

we were supposed we had

only

we had

in

If

we

we had prayed

.

.

.

to say

work

harder. // only

on

out, instead of holding to let

I

God had something

to

it all

what

go and

better in store.

are going to experience the best

God

has for us,

have to open our minds and be willing to change, and be ing to look for those that

God always

my

options.

We have to

we

will-

remind ourselves

has our best interests at heart.

and began looking that caught

God

we heard

Right after

if

and on and on. But instead of mourn-

my desires, made a choice

hand,

believe that

found myself tempted

I

offered more. // only

acted sooner

my

thought for sure that was the house

to have.

ing over what didn't

was

I

at

the

news about the house,

I

went out

other houses and came across something

attention.

It

was an old run-down house on

beautiful piece of property in a valuable neighborhood.

house was actually abandoned.

It

had

a

a

The

few broken windows, no

landscaping, and even a scarecrow in the kitchen to keep out

animals!

was I

didn't look like

right for us

believed

see

much, but down deep

—not because

God had

of

what

in store for us.

I

beyond the old house and look

get to

where

God had a

It

I

needed

to be.

So we put

in store for us.

few days

later,

The truth

we

is, I

My

I

knew for the

if

some

it

option,

floors.

heart was open to whatever a bid

on that house, and

a

my

couch

just

offer.

swimming

I

was

pool;

The foundation was cracked and

of the interior doors wouldn't even close.

blocks under

to

would

I

wasn't as excited about this house as

had crooked

it

what

would be open

I

God

about the other one. This house didn't have instead,

believed

saw, but because of

word they accepted our

got

I

just to

64

keep

it

I

had

to

put

from leaning forward.

Embracing What's Important There was

a long

remember

thinking, I'm going to walk

side

hallway going back to the bedroom, and

and walk back on the other

don't

grow unevenly because

and family members used floors,

but

exactly

grew

I

what

side just to

make

make

Even though

we have

to

I

my

legs

had and made the best of

do in every area of

life.

We

wasn't

didn't get.

I

And

it.

it

that house, so

wasn't going to look back and focus on the house

embraced what

sure

jokes about those crooked

knew God gave me

I

the hall on one

of those crooked floors! Friends

to love that house.

wanted,

I

to

down

I

that's

I

I

what

can't stay focused

on

where we thought we should have been, or what we thought

we should have

had.

where God has us

We

have to

let

go of the old and accept

today.

We have to

go of the old

let

and accept where God has us

Sometimes the very things we

we

today.

fight against, the

very things

think are trying to pull us down, are actually part of God's

plan to launch us into a

new season. Sometimes God

stirs

us out

of comfortable situations and puts us in situations to stretch us

and cause us

to use

our

faith.

always be comfortable, but us alone!

We

We may not like

God

loves us too

it,

and

much

it

may not

to just leave

have to stay open to change. Don't approach

change from a negative point of view or automatically assume it's

going to be bad. You

would not allow

it if

He

may

not like the change, but

didn't have a purpose for

learn not only to accept change but to embrace

65

it,

it.

If

God

you'll

God promises

Love Your

He

do

will

much

new thing

a

We lived in

it

was the

for the

it

entire piece of property

than what

less

!

key

is to

ful

way.

we

were able

to the positive.

us through

a

He always knows

beautiful than that

God was

looked like

if

I

floors.

me on

a

we would own.

journey of

where God wanted us

faith. it

have kept

me from

lives

1

was

God's best.

— teaching

would stay

faithful

us,

living,

When

I

house more

I

can see

Him

66

now

Even though

it

convinced

work

didn't

my

attitude

look back,

out,

would

realize

it

God was doing

in

I

training us, testing us, seeing

and trust

and

a

to be. I'm

wasn't about the house, but more about what

our

Him

actually helped us

would have been unhappy over what

and discontented with where

faith. That's

to trust

I'm living in

we were going backwards, to

power-

what's best. Today I'm not living

ever dreamed

taking

move forward that

I

life in a

journey of

.

house with crooked

for

look for the potential

7

in a

new home

to build a

where we grew That's where we learned believe that

blessed

originally paid for the

that crooked-floored house in our

He brought

God

paid for the other house.

and open your mind

God used

to

right place for that season of

price

we would have

lite

That house didn't appear

We ended up dividing our lot and

same

We

always

is

to look for the potential

that house for three years and

us beyond our wildest dreams. selling half of

and His "new"

is

to the positive.

be the perfect house, but life.

life,

The key

better than the old!

and open your mind

our

your

in

Life

if

we

even when we weren't get-

Embracing What's Important ting our way.

I

believe that

if

I

would have gotten the other

we wouldn't be where we

house,

are today.

Our

experience

with that house gave us courage to trust God, to walk in

and years

take a basketball arena and turn

later, to

faith,

into a

it

magnificent house of worship! If

had

you're thinking, Life would have been different

this or if

only that had happened,

to trust

God

and He

Him. Even

has a plan.

If

is

if life

had

Remember name "Lot"

this or

if

Lot and

actually

himself from Lot,

it

com-

then

faith,

God

will take

work

you

to

to be.

If you're thinking, Life I

if

may not make a lot of sense right now,

you'll let go of those things that didn't

where He wants you

only

in

I

guiding every one of your steps. Learn

out and choose to stay in

if

only

Let go of the

Know that God is

onlys. Don't get caught in that trap. plete control

let it go.

if

would have been

only that had happened,

Abraham?

means

was

different

It's

let it go.

interesting that the

When Abraham

veil.

as if the veil

was

lifted

separated

from

his eyes

and he was able to see things in a new way. God told Abraham to

lift

up

to look

and see beyond where he was. God told him

his eyes

beyond what he could

look toward what

see

—

God was doing

something similar to you:

If

that dry, desolate land

in him.

you'll

lift

Today God

is

—and

saying

up your eyes and look

out with a fresh vision and a fresh attitude, letting go of the

then the

veil will

wants

show you.

to

be

lifted

and you

67

will see the

new

things

old,

God

Love Your

God

is all

about bringing change for the

walked through the

Me

want

He

streets,

do for you?"

to

I

help with your marriage?

Don't have an

asked people,

to

do for you?

option.

When you

make

a

way even when

your

life

trust

When

Jesus

"What do you you

that right

Do you need

your finances?

Is it

only mentality.

if

better.

believe He's asking

What do you want Him

now.

Life

Is it

God always

Him, when you stay

His

your health? has another

in faith,

there seems to be no way.

He

He

will

will

fill

with blessings and treasures beyond your wildest

dreams.

Making Room

My

friend

Your Relationships

in

Shannon grew up with

young woman other things.

a heart for

in her mid-twenties, her life

Her hands were

full.

Her

taking off beyond her wildest dreams. side that she

Charming.

had

On

tumultuous, but able.

a

storybook

life

God, but as

became focused on

career as a journalist It

a

was

appeared from the out-

—complete with her Prince

the inside, however, their relationship was it

was one with which she had grown comfort-

Shannon believed

that

it

was

a

good relationship and that

she could change him, so she convinced herself to stay with the "prince."

Regardless of become, she

still

were not right

how comfortable

had restlessness

for each other.

in

the relationship had

her heart. She

One day Shannon

68

knew they

received a job

Embracing What's Important opportunity in another realized

it

was

state.

As she pondered her

change and the most

a big

would ever make. She would have

difficult decision

to leave the

bold

first

years, she prayed. Ultimately, she decided to

move and

was, she

left

time in

make

unknown. As hard

step decisively into the

everything that was familiar to

when an overwhelming sense

the as

it

her.

Shortly after her move, she was making dinner in her

apartment

she

comfort of her

home, her job, and her longtime boyfriend. For the

many

future, she

new

of loneliness and fear

engulfed her. She began second-guessing her decision, wondering

if

she had

her eyes,

made

a big mistake.

As she

God dropped two words

"obey." She realized at that

sat there

with tears in

into her heart: "trust" and

moment

was time

it

to rise up, let

go of the hurt and pain, and move forward into the future. Her first

decision

room

for

was

God in

to start attending

her

She experienced

life

and He began

life

again.

doors for her to meet

married

a

to her,

and restore

knowing

As she began her new

new

wonderful

to heal

her.

and comfort and was able to

a great peace

embrace the changes He revealed present in her

church again. She made

friends,

man who

that

life,

God was

God opened

and eventually she met and truly surpassed her every

expectation!

Shannon's restlessness was a result of the trying to

move her

fact that

God was

out of something that was not good for

into something new, positive,

nize that something

and healthy. Her

was wrong

in her

life,

her,

ability to recog-

along with her will-

ingness to trust God, gave her the courage to

move

forward.

As

she began to look out with a fresh vision and a fresh attitude, she was able to perceive the

new things God had

69

in store for her.

Love Your

Today

you

if

Life

are in a relationship that

don't wrestle with your feelings or

going on.

I

am

is

dragging you

you know

with friends a

who

If

to be.

are not right? are putting

commitment you

unsure of?

make excuses

you

you

alone;

Are there influences

that

is

your destiny

you

make

at

you.

jeopardy?

God

He may

too important to

will

be trying to

out of your

willing to recognize

and have the courage

if

stir

you

a

bigger and better

you out of

a situation

are thinking of a friend

realize that

life,

if

to

you

there

to reach

move

is

your

life

never

Him.

may

be

God

helping

you couldn't go

your

back,

God

full potential.

something wrong

forward, with a

new

be open for something bigger and better. Trust to

there

you alone;

open

closed that door so

great desire for

wants you

life

Him.

will never leave

not good for you. Even

He may have

a

Is

will

preventing you from going in the wrong direction. such

your

in a relationship you're

are too important to

one door closes God

who walked

in

are seeing red flags but you're afraid to let go

you are

door for you.

am

Are you spending too much time

are about to

Remember, God

When

I

to fall short of

because you don't want to be alone, remember, leave

for what's

marriage relationship;

down and causing you

what you were intended that

a

not right for you,

any relationship outside of marriage that you

talking about

know

not talking about

is

in

your

70

Be life

perspective;

Him

today;

have strong, healthy relationships so you can

happy, healthy, and whole.

has

He live

"

Embracing What's Important heard a story about

I

money from

her

She

a little girl

carefully saving

her allowance so she could go to the toy store.

have much, only

didn't

who was

few

a

dollars,

but one day she

asked her daddy to take her to the store so she could buy

something

special.

She was overwhelmed by endless

shelves, filled with games, dolls, lar

and

—

herself.

She wore

this as

One day he

days,

after

all,

she picked

it

I

out

all

every day for several weeks. Her father

it

asked her,

my pearls Her

She made her

an opportunity to teach his daughter about

"No, Daddy.

you

was exactly what she

home to show off her treasure.

She was so proud of that necklace;

saw

it

a lovely strand of white plastic pearls.

purchase and immediately went

by

trinkets. Finally, a particu-

item caught her eye, and she knew

wanted

aisles of

" Honey, will

love

my

you give me your

trust.

pearls ?"

pearls!" she replied. "I can't give

!

father didn't

mention the pearl necklace

for several

and then he asked again, "Sweetie, do you trust me?"

"Yes,

Daddy"

"Will you give

And

me your pearls?"

again she answered, "No, Daddy,

I

can't give

you

my

pearls!"

Several

more days

passed,

when

the father went a third

time to his daughter. "Do you trust me? Will you give

me

your pearls?" Finally,

with tears welling in her eyes, she reluctantly took

off her beloved plastic pearls

"Here, Daddy. You can have

and handed them

to her father.

my pearls."

Immediately, the father pulled from his pocket a small blue

box and handed

it

to his daughter.

71

Her eyes grew wide with

Love Your

Life

excitement as she opened the box to find the most gorgeous strand of genuine pearls.

As he fastened the

pearls

around her

neck, the father said, "I have had these special pearls for

along; Is

you had

all

you

are holding on to today that

keeping you from God's best?

He'll give

peace, strength,

remember

may

like

Be open

will happen.

favor,

did

I

—keep

you on

a

your

life. It

a

in

and more! see

how

it

And even

option.

good

if

you

—maybe you got

attitude.

God

is still

in

journey through the process of

from

may

a

new

perspective.

Get

not happen overnight, but

a it

So open your hand and receive the beautiful

strand of pearls all

go of what's

you're out of options, but

God

to seeing things

vision for

when

wisdom,

what you thought you should have

control. He's taking

new

feel like

there's always the

crooked floors

faith.

will let

you exactly what you need. You may not

can happen. You

don't get

God

is

your

you'll let go of what's in

If

hand, an exchange will take place.

—

all

do was trust me."

to

there something

His hand for you

you

God

you have

to

has for you today. Don't settle for plastic

do

is

trust

72

Him!

Embracing What's Important

ANCHOR THOUGHTS I

will stay flexible

the

new

and willing

God has

things

to

change

in order to

embrace

in store. •

/

will look

ities,

beyond where

being open

to

new

I

am

ideas,

right now, seeing

new possibil-

and expecting great things

in

my

future. •

/

will not live

release the

God's

if

my

life in regret. I

make

onlys and anything that

a decision today to is

keeping

me from

best. •

I

recognize that even though challenges and difficulties seem

like they're

ultimately

working against me,

work for me.

73

if I

stay in faith, they will

4

Keeping the Right Perspective

One evening

several years ago,

room watching

television

my

really grabbed

showed

that

and

attention.

a lovely

wearing

street

a flowing dress,

in the world.

new

it

was

if

strolling

if

down

sunny

a

new

attitude !"

side,

She was

as if she didn't

have

made me wonder where she found life,

a

that

but rather

she were reveling in a recent victory and con-

she had that

to

of every

new

What's your outlook on

morning ready

living

swinging her purse by her

and appeared

making the most out

looked as

my

a simple advertisement

outlook. She wasn't being naive about

she looked as sciously

It

sitting in

commercial came on that

young woman

clearly enjoying her life

fresh

It

a

was

the while singing, "I've got a

all

worry

when

I

moment of the

day. Yes,

attitude because she chose

life

today?

embrace the day? So

Do you wake up

many people

it.

every

allow their

circumstances to dictate their attitudes; they don't realize their attitude a fresh

is

a choice. Scripture encourages us to constantly put

new mental

we should choose be grateful; It is all

attitude.

to focus

When we wake up in the morning,

on good

we should choose

too easy to

let

on

things;

we should choose

to

to be excited about the day.

our responsibilities and the pressures

75

Love Your

toward the negative. But negative think-

of life cause us to drift

ing bogs us

down and

Before long,

we

Life

causes us to lose our joy and enthusiasm.

stop appreciating our friends and family;

our boss has something against

start believing

begin to wonder

we

are living in constant

how you

feel,

And we

us.

the entire world has something against us.

if

Negative thinking makes the small stuff seem so until

we

take heart

worry and

—your

life

much

frustration.

bigger,

If

that's

can be different! You can

take off that garment of heaviness and put on a garment of

thanksgiving. That a

new outlook on

those

who

your

face difficulties.

all

seem impossible

that

act of

will,

you can have

life.

Remember, we

to

We

all

have obstacles

overcome. The difference between

are able to rise above their adversities and those

them

get stuck in is

means by an

is

their attitude.

A key to enjoying your life

finding something to be thankful for every day.

Write down

the good things in your

all

life.

Make

Review

morning before you

leave the house. This will help

on the treasures that

fill

your

life,

perspective and a grateful heart.

who

and

it

will give

you

We all have things

a

it

list.

each

you focus a positive

for

which

to

be grateful, but sometimes our perspective can become so distorted that

we

fail

to recognize those

good things.

Negative thinking makes the small stuff

seem so much

1

tive.

have

a friend

Whenever

1

who

call

bigger.

tends to lean toward

her to check

76

in, she'll

a

negative perspec-

say something

like,

Keeping the Right Perspective

"I've

for

had the worst week. Both

work because the

doctor's office didn't

had

to stay late at the office,

My

husband

doesn't

still

my kids were sick, and

to

was

late

open until nine. IVe

and now the house

seem

I

know how

a disaster.

is

to operate the

washing machine, and the dust bunnies are battling

it

out with

the Legos to take over the den."

Now,

this friend really did

have a rough week, but

I've

been hearing about her husband's shortcomings for the past eight years. He's actually a great guy; he takes the kids places

on Saturday mornings so she can sleep supportive of her career. Yet

He

has

in;

he works hard and

many marvelous

is

qualities.

my friend chooses to focus on the negative, despite the fact

that her

life is

rich in so

many ways.

The difference between those who are able

to rise

above their adversities and those who get stuck in them is

It's

their attitude.

easy to have a distorted perspective

—overlooking

the good things and magnifying the things that are wrong.

matter what season of

life

you

are in,

temptation to focus on the negative.

you must

Make no

all

No

deal with the

mistake,

we

all

choose where to place our focus. Those people with the best perspective on

God

choose to be happy and content with what

has given them.

In the all.

life

book of Genesis, Eve was

She was living

with the perfect

in the

man

—

a

woman who

truly had

most gorgeous and lush garden literally!

77

it

ever,

She enjoyed magnificent

Love Your streams, rivers, and waterfalls,

all

Life

surrounded by the most

fra-

grant flowers, along with the freshest fruits and veggies imag-

no weight problems or dirty laundry; she

inable. Just think:

truly

was

one day when she began

living in paradise! Until

focusing her attention on the one negative in her garden

from which God had warned her not

single fruit tree

more she looked

forbidden

at the

the larger

fruit,

it

— the

to eat.

The

became

in

her mind. She allowed the one negative in the garden to distort

her perception of the entire garden. She no longer valued the treasures within her paradise. Instead, she magnified that one

forbidden thing until

could see nothing

When you

else.

When you

your arm out

was so large

in

her mind's eye that she

it

doesn't actually change

10

magnify something,

the size of the object, object.

it

it

simply changes your perspective of the

hold a quarter in your hand and stretch

in front of you, the quarter

to

your surroundings. But when you

to

your

close life,

eye,

appears

it

much

pull the quarter in nearer

larger. In fact,

when you hold

enough, you aren't able to see anything

our

difficulties

they actually

are,

things in our

lives.

my

trials in

all

Him

family,

my

are holding

when we have

So often

in

When

I

come up

for allowing

me

children, and a

closer to

the right perspective,

we have

the great things

which God made

them

much more manageable.

right perspective,

remind myself of begin to thank

we

simply because

those same difficulties become

To keep the

else.

it

and challenges seem so much larger than

us than necessary. But

for

seems small compared

way

78

to

to

magnify the

right

against challenges,

God

has done for me.

I

I

know Him; thank Him

my for

I

husband.

I

recall past

me and brought me

Keeping the Right Perspective

through tough times.

when

changes

I

I

am

how my perspective

always amazed

my

have a grateful heart and choose to count

blessings.

When we the current;

choose the negative,

it

makes everything

spective will drain

enjoyed;

you weren't

life.

swimming

like

a struggle.

your energy and

and joy right out of your

it's

vitality;

Your

An it

against

improper per-

was meant

life

fun

will take the

to be

created to constantly struggle and be

perpetually discouraged.

When you magnify something, the size of the object,

it

it

doesn't actually change

simply changes your perspective

of the object

As

a first step toward a positive perspective,

inventory of your thought

life.

What

are

it's

good

to take

you thinking about?

How are you approaching each day? Identify any self-defeating can't-do-it thoughts

and decide not to dwell on them. You

will

be pleasantly surprised with the change in your perspective. Instead of dreading things and complaining about the situation, face each

day with

When Joel and

faith I

first

and enthusiasm. began traveling

country with the ministry around,

I

it

seemed that every time

was packing or unpacking

was getting

to be quite stressful.

about having everything

to various parts of the I

turned

for a family of four, I

we needed

would get that

I

and

so concerned

would check and

double-check and wake up in the middle of the night before

were

to leave

and check again. One day

79

it

it

dawned on me

we

that

I

Love Your

was wasting

a lot of

really wasn't all that

Life

energy struggling with something that important

grand scheme of

in the

the whole trip wouldn't be ruined

reality,

if

life.

In

forgot some-

I

thing such as Jonathan's socks or Alexandra's toothbrush or

my

hair spray! Packing really wasn't a big deal at

had

allowed I

to

it

become

a big deal in

got to the point that

I

my

need

me

to

do

I

need

to

I

stay at

home

And

I

am

came

up.

sure at

I

would

me

to miss

some point

become

ing had see

it

for

what

discourage

thing

I

decided to

I

was:

I

how

realized

in this area,

I

my

ment

released

when

I

find

mind every

my

tension.

and

joy,

I

out of character

was able

it

I

almost

had allowed

my think-

to take a step back

and

my worries and concerns to I

decided right then

said to myself, "I'm sure

really need, let

my

wasn't going to be stressed out about packing

anymore.

we

weekend. Self-

Joel could feel

me and distort my perspective.

and there that for trips

it

if

my God-given destiny.

when

Thankfully,

a

try to talk myself out of going.

allowed that wrong thinking to steal caused

it

go? }oe\ doesn't

this

defeating thoughts played over and over in a trip

even took

I

help him. The audience won't really miss us

Jonathan, Alexandra, and

time

I

could feel myself grumbling and

Why

and thought,

but

mind.

complaining about going on the road so much. step further

all,

we

can buy

it

if

forget

I

when we

some-

get there."

I

myself off the hook. That simple minor adjust-

me from

an enormous load of pressure.

myself getting stressed out and

packing and traveling,

I

don't allow

defeating thoughts that will

switch gears and begin to

move me

move

so

tired

my mind in the

forward.

I

from

Now

all

the

to think self-

wrong

direction.

I

remind myself that

Keeping the Right Perspective

this

to

God

an opportunity

is

many other wonderful

That helps

me

IVe heard I

people, but

new

put on a fresh

He

He

could have given

chose to give

attitude

it

and allows

it

to us.

me

to

my future experiences.

enjoy

and

has given us.

believe that

your

better

"Your attitude determines your

said,

it

is

true.

Our

attitude affects our progress.

you

attitude, the higher

will rise. If

you

As you remind yourself

you

have,

you

will rise to

it

make

will

new

of

all

"

The

are going

through stressful times today, keep an attitude of victory.

altitude,

faith

and

the great opportunities

those tough times seem

much

easier,

and

levels.

Are You Looking

The other day

I

at the Big Picture?

was having lunch with some

friends,

one of

whom had recently returned from a luxurious cruise with her entire family.

They had saved

their

money and had

lously planned every detail of their trip

months

in advance.

trip

had been especially meaningful because on

my

friend

that she

was

able to visit with

had not seen

in

some

more than

meticu-

The

this vacation,

of her extended family

a year.

She was

all

smiles as

she pulled her newly developed photos out of her purse. She said to another friend

just got back

tures

I

had

chance to look

a

We

were happy

and me, "Would you

from at

my

like to see the pic-

family vacation?

I

haven't even

them yet myself."

to share in her excitement as

81

we

flipped

Love Your

through the photos, ship, beautiful

happy

faces.

Life

with images of the fabulous cruise

tilled

sandy beaches, charming island shops, and

But before long, we noticed an uncomfortable

expression on our friend's

She began

face.

her appearance in the pictures. "Oh, that! This picture

is

I

didn't

to

complain about

know

I

looked

like

awful!"

She had something negative picture.

lots of

A few moments earlier,

to say

about herself

in

every

she had been so excited, but then

she zeroed in on what she saw as her flaws and shortcomings.

She completely missed the beauty of the moment.

It

was

as

if

she couldn't see the big picture anymore. Instead of enjoying the

memory

of the marvelous trip with her family, she began to

focus on her imperfections

—

little

things that only she could see.

Don't long for the good old days. TJiese are the

good old days, so make them count!

We all have times when it's hard to see the big picture and we

single out

what we think

have to recognize that

must enjoy every

we

Our

family

wrong about our

will

make them

we were having

— in-laws,

outfits.

We

after the service.

count!

a big Easter service at

I

Lakewood.

cousins, aunts, and uncles

— was

in their

all

Easter

planned to take pictures with everyone

There was

missed, and before

But we

good old days. These

dressed up, everybody looking especially sharp

Sunday

lives.

never get that time back; we

day. Don't long for the

are the good old days, so

Years ago,

is

knew

it,

a lot

my

82

going on when church

dis-

two children had changed out

Keeping the Right Perspective

Of course

of their Easter clothes into play clothes.

them ily

until

everyone was gathered and ready

photograph.

up again.

I

By

wasn't finished showing

we

ond, year,

my

didn't see

to take the

to get frustrated because, first of

them

fam-

them dressed

then, there wasn't time to get

was tempted

I

off in their Easter outfits,

all, I

and

sec-

hadn't even taken pictures yet. In the family photo that

everyone was dressed in their nice Easter clothes except

children.

thing;

it is

Today

I

would not trade

a family treasure.

the big picture. All

wearing what

I

I

At the

time, however,

could see was that

wanted them

to

that picture for any-

wear

my

I

couldn't see

children were not

in the photograph.

We have to keep our eyes on the big picture so

we don't miss

the beauty of the moment.

Sometimes we can look back on the things we thought were important but

really didn't matter after

keep our eyes on the big picture so the

moment. I'm sure

pictures thirty years

we

all.

We

have to

don't miss the beauty of

my friend will look back on her vacation

from now and

think,

Wow,

I

looked pretty

good! Seeing the big picture can help us keep the right perspective.

Today things may be

going to get facing

easier.

If

you

and seem

they are never

are the only one

are not careful,

you can become

feel like

your own problems that you

tive cycle of self-pity.

like

you

Perhaps you

your challenges.

so absorbed in

difficult

fall

However, the truth

would gladly exchange problems with you.

83

is,

into a destruc-

many

people

Love Your heard about Linda,

I

everything going for

and

a

devoted

a

her.

Life

young woman who seemed

She had

a great

to

have

a thriving career,

life,

hut Linda wanted to lose the

circle of friends,

twenty-five pounds she had gained since her divorce two years earlier.

She

tried just

about everything she could, focusing on

eating the right foods, drinking lots of water, and setting her

gym

alarm early enough that she could go to the times

a

week. But

all

at least three

too frequently, she found herself sitting

on her sofa with her two best friends

— Ben and Jerry (Double

Fudge Brownie, of course). Linda decided to join that

structured weight loss program

a

would keep her inspired and moving

The night she

arrived at her

first

in the right direction.

meeting, she was both nerv-

ous and excited about the prospect of finding

all-consuming weight

issue. "Finally!

weight and be happy," she said to

saw an empty dress.

her

woman

seat next to a

She introduced herself

how happy

to the

can get rid of this

As she walked

wearing

woman

when

she expected to be

woman

Linda told the

herself.

I

wear and

a

telling

bathing

feel better

gym. Realizing

at the

she

she lost her weight.

that she couldn't wait to

when working out

in,

a long, casual

and began

suit again so she could water-ski at the lake

about herself

solution to her

a

that she

was dominating the conversation, Linda asked, "What made

you decide

to join the

The woman car accident

replied, "Several years ago,

and almost

spending weeks in food.

program?"

Now

prosthetic leg

in

I've I

my

lost

the hospital

gained so

life.

all

1

1

I

lost

84

was

in a terrible

was so depressed

after

could do was find comfort

much weight

received after

I

that

my own

I

can't

wear the

leg in the accident.

Keeping the Right Perspective

As soon

as

I

get this weight

my prosthetic leg so As Linda with

tears.

At

I

listened to the

that

I'm going to be able to

fit

into

can walk again."

woman's

She determined

friend in

any way she

first

of

all

her eyes welled

story,

moment, Linda decided

spective.

start

off,

change her per-

to

to help her

could. Second, she

made

newfound

the decision to

being more thankful and to focus on the blessings she had.

Linda realized that she had allowed herself to become over-

whelmed with her weight problem, which caused her sight of the

more important things

in her

to lose

life.

Avoid Exaggerated Thinking

We've

all

had seasons where we

that happens,

the

ways

it's

overwhelmed, and when

easy for our thinking to get off track.

to find balance again

avoid exaggerated thinking.

thinking in your

felt

own

is

by learning

One

to recognize

often goes like this: "I'm never

life? It

iar?

to

"I'll

keep a balanced perspective,

whatever

manage

it is

we are

ated thinking creeps tunities

life

"I'll

never lose this weight." Sound famil-

Thinking in extremes narrows your

really are,

and

How can you identify exaggerated

going to get a better job." "I'm never going to get married."

always be in debt."

of

more

facing. in, it

we

focus.

When we strive

can see things for

easily,

how

they

and find the solution to

On the other hand, when exagger-

can cause us to miss so

many

oppor-

and important moments with family and loved ones.

85

Love Your

One day ter outing.

Joel decided to take

They made

in the Galleria

bye and

Life

Alexandra on

plans to go to Build-A-Bear

Mall and then have lunch.

off they went. In little less than

pulling back into the driveway, and

something was wrong. But then arms, so

I

knew they had

a

I

kissed

1

at least I

Workshop

them good-

two hours, they were

thought for sure that

saw the bear

I

Alexandra came inside the house, have

a father-daugh-

made

it

Alexandra's

in

that

asked, "Did

far.

When

you and Daddy

good time?"

"Yes," she gushed excitedly.

"Did you eat lunch?"

I

"Oh, yes," Alexandra

replied.

candy store for

it.

taken about four hours. least

"And Daddy took me

to the

my dessert."

couldn't believe

I

asked, thinking they'd be hungry.

my

In

If it

mind, the

should have

trip

were me, we would have spent

at

an hour deciding which clothes to put on the bear; another

hour or so

at a cool restaurant,

shoe store near the mall

exit.

I

and then there's that cute

would have cleared

for the

whole afternoon. But

wanted

to

After

short time, she was ready to

a

How

far in

do

my

little

daughter

often do

we put

off

come home anyway.

important things because we

bigger in our minds than they really are? You

this or that

because you think you need to schedule

advance, or you don't have the right clothes.

feel like

my calendar

do was to spend some quality time with her daddy.

make them can't

in reality all

little

you

can't invite

room needs painting and you think you

can't

it

Maybe you

your family over because the dining the gutters need fixing.

have anyone over from the

Or perhaps

office

because

vou think you must have perfect silverware, but the truth

86

is,

no

Keeping the Right Perspective

one

is

how

going to remember the utensils with which they ate or

perfect

your house was. What they

who

quality time spent with those

will

remember

the

is

care about them.

How often do we put off important things because we make them

bigger in our minds than they really are?

How many moments wrapped up

in

do you miss because you are so

making everything

perfect?

You

obsess so

much

over your child's birthday party that you forget to stop and

own

enjoy your tion.

We've

all

child,

which

is

the whole point of the celebra-

been there, and most of the time, our frustration

stems from our sincere desire to bless the people let's

make

sure

we keep our

we

love,

perspective. Everything doesn't

have to be perfect before you can enjoy

life,

and you don't

have to take off an entire day to show someone that you

Maybe

all

your

but

one wants

child or loved

is

for

you

care.

to spread a

blanket in the backyard and have a simple picnic. Sure, some-

thing will always attention, but

phone can

come

up, calling out for

most things can

wait.

attention.

ships a priority and find simple love.

wish

No I

The laundry can

wait, the dishes can wait, but

your investment of time and

ways

one gets to the end of

life

had worked more hours

would have had most people

a cleaner house."

say, "I

wish

I

your immediate wait, the

your loved ones need

Make your

relation-

to enjoy the people

and

says, "Boy,

I

in the office," or, "I

No,

at the

sure do

wish

end of their

87

I

lives,

would have spent more time with

family and loved ones."

you

my

Love Your

When

it

comes

culture today

Life

to facing challenges in relationships,

makes

it

so easy to focus on

gratification rather than considering the

investments made

momentary

tiful

a

house.

in those relationships.

Over time you

house with $100,000

The most rewarding

compared

to

build equity.

what you have

it

may seem

invested,

If

similar to

It's

you had

a

beau-

and then discovered

in equity,

$2,500 plumbing problem,

self-

long-term value of the

relationships are built and proven over time.

buying

our

it's

a

but

like a big deal,

really a rather small

problem. You wouldn't return your house keys to the bank over a $2,500 plumbing problem.

shape over

a

problem

repaired. Instead, ful that

you have

why

It's

easy to get bent out of

like a leak in the roof,

not focus your energy on being thank-

a roof over

your head?

Everything doesn't have

to

before you can enjoy

In a similar

but that can be

manner,

I

be perfect life.

encourage you to take

a step

back

today and look at what you have invested in your relationships.

Maybe

you're facing some difficult times, but consider

you've come through so energy, heart, and

far.

all

What's the value of the time,

commitment you've

invested? Instead of

focusing on the problems, choose to focus on the treasure of the relationship.

When we

get our perspective right regarding our

relationships, those frustrations

One

afternoon

nice restaurant.

I

was having

seem much more manageable. a late

Throughout the lunch

88

lunch with I

noticed

a friend at a

my

friend

was

Keeping the Right Perspective

becoming increasingly somewhat rather

with our waiter,

irritated

forgetful, inattentive,

my

humorous and asked

and slow friend

I

who was

found the situation

why

she was allowing

the waiter to get her so annoyed. She told me, "I have a hard

time dealing with people

slow

I

get so frustrated

who

take their time and are just plain

when

people are lollygagging around

and halfway doing their job.

I

know

I

blurt out something at

I

get so irritated sometimes that

shouldn't say.

Then

I

get so

I

mad

myself for doing that/' I

could

tell

perspective, so

I

immediately that she needed to change her asked her,

now? Are you keeping She began

"What

are

you thinking about

right

score of his mistakes?"

to laugh

and

said, "Yes, that's exactly

what

I

am

doing."

Are you keeping score when you're

at the

checkout counter or sitting behind two cars

grocery store

at a

slow drive-

through? What's going through your mind when that coworker

who seems

to

always annoy you approaches during

lunch? Are you thinking, Here we go again?

back into your

memory and

setting yourself I

up

had such

a

bad

you

are

to relive them.

heard a story about a

and sweet

go

retrieve past frustrations,

little girl

plained about everything one ful

When you

to everyone. attitude.

who whined and com-

day The next day she was cheer-

Her mother

said,

"Yesterday you

Today you're happy about everything.

What happened?"

my thoughts were pushing me around. Today I'm pushing my thoughts around." We must take control of our thoughts; don't let the negaThe

little girl replied,

"Yesterday

89

Love Your tive play

you

over in your head and cause you to say and do things

will regret later. Instead of

attitude.

When

it

comes

hook by looking

the

knew

I

were

Life

a

couple

in different

keeping score, keep

a positive

to those little irritations, let people off

for the best in

who worked

them.

for the

same company. They

departments and both loved their jobs until

one day the husband encountered some situations that made

him

angry, and he ended up leaving the company.

not involved in the trouble at ity

all,

The wife was

but before long, his negativ-

about the company began to pollute her perspective. She

began

to

imagine offenses that did not truly occur. She began

seeing the

company and her

boss in a negative light. Sadly,

it

was not long before she quit the job she once loved.

"Yesterday

my

thoughts were pushing

Today I'm pushing

Sometimes our

know we

my

me

around.

thoughts around/'

attitude pollutes others and

we

don't even

are influencing them.

There was

a

husband and wife who were always talking

negatively about his mother, not thinking about the fact that their four-year-old daughter

saying.

They assumed

matter, but girl

would

was hearing everything they were

that because she

was so young,

whenever Grandma would come pull back

their daughter to

and try

to hide.

The couple had

grandma.

90

way she

didn't

over, the little

hug her grandma. Overhearing her

negative conversations affected the

it

felt

to

urge

parents'

about her

Keeping the Right Perspective

Your words have power

sow

discord

among

itive perspective.

the people in your

makes

life

it

day

I

She handed

came back with

it

to

me

expect.

The other

a glass half filled

I

looked

at the glass

I

with water.

to playing.

was holding

I

in

just

my

thought for a moment, Life doesn't always give us

I

expecting.

of water, and

we

perspective?

I

But

minutes

I

Many times we

get to choose

—kind

certainly

as

it

get served half a glass

how we will

was expecting

daughter's action

I

way you

and quickly went back

what we are

have,

it

room while Alexandra was

in the living

chuckled to myself as

tions.

on you, but

asked her for some water. She jumped up, ran into

the kitchen, and

hand.

difficult

and perspective means being

attitude

things don't go the

was working I

more

it

tougher on the people around you.

when

playing.

When you magnify increase. When you have a nega-

not only makes

Having the right flexible

Instead, keep a pos-

life.

See the best in them.

the good, then the good will tive attitude,

to influence other people. Don't

respond. What's our

a full glass of

was

—

didn't

water and

meet

had more water now than

earlier! Instead of getting upset

chose to be thankful for what

my I

my

expecta-

had

about what

I

a

few

didn't

did have.

I

A positive person sees the best in every situation and uses her energy to bring solutions to

Did you know

it

takes

more

does to smile ? In the same way, ative than attitude,

Let fresh

it

you

me

new

challenges.

life's

it

face

muscles to frown than

takes

does to be positive.

more energy

When you

it

to be neg-

have a positive

are cooperating with God.

encourage you to get up every day and put on attitude.

Remember, these

91

a

are the good old days!

Love Your Life

Make tive,

then

the

most of this moment.

If

approaching each day with I

you can

believe

commercial

— strong,

you'll keep the right perspecfaith,

seeing the big picture,

live life like the

vibrant, positive,

young woman

in the

and hopeful.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS I

consumed by

will not be

my

challenges.

I

will stay in faith,

focus on the good, and keep the right perspective. •

/

choose

God

to live this

day happy, content, and grateful for what

has given me. •

I

on what

will focus

I

dwell on what's right

have and not what in

my

life

I

don't have.

I

will

and magnify the good.

•

When I

will

things are difficult

remember

all

and I'm tempted

the great things

to get discouraged,

God has done

in

my past.

•

/

recognize

life. I

the

I

was not created

am making

full,

and

to

to

constantly struggle and endure

a decision to celebrate each day, to live

enjoy the people

in

my

it

to

life.

•

/

will not long for the

was.

I

good

old days, wishing

it

realize today I've got great people in

opportunities,

could be like

my

and I'm making great memories.

are the good old days.

92

I

life,

know

it

great these

5

Making

the

Most

of

What You Have

When I was a young girl in elementary school, personality, yet

I

was

a

inside me.

came time

I

always

it.

a vivid imagination.

for the fifth-grade school play,

lead role; however,

The day came

I

up

didn't step

to

for the teacher to

make

really

I

somehow

that

I

was

little girl

filled

shy

When

it

wanted the

announce who would play

my classmates. Naturally

but even back then

a

my teacher aware of

the lead, and of course she didn't pick me, the shy

she picked one of

had

there was something big

felt like

dreamer with

I

I

girl; instead,

was disappointed,

with hope and

wouldn't be able to

I

imagined that her

fulfill

role.

Perhaps she would have to go out of town with her family, and there

I

would

be,

standing in the wings

came! The teacher would have to pick

mind,

I

dreamed of getting the big

happened,

wishing

I

I

me

after

big

all.

Although

part.

moment

Yes, in

rehearsed that scenario over and over in

it

my

never

my mind,

could play the lead.

Years later

I

about playing the lines or

when my

realized that although lead,

memorize the

I

I

didn't take action.

scenes.

voluntary practices. Sure,

I

I

had been dreaming I

didn't rehearse the

didn't stay after school for the

desired to play the role, but

93

I

cer-

Love Your Life tainly wasn't preparing for

Had

it.

the teacher called on me,

I

wouldn't have been ready to walk through that door of opportunity, because filled

I

hadn't put action behind

with hope and expectation

is

my

dreams. Being

a great place to start, but

it's

also a poor place to stop.

heard

I've

when

it

happens

said that success

preparation meets opportunity.

How often do we "sit in the wings" of life, wishing we were we have more

doing more, believing that big

moment?

Yet

if

opportunity were to knock on our door,

might not even be ready.

If

you

and

faith

live

your

life

opportunity. I've heard

it

you have

to put action

said that success

why

use and develop your gifts and talents so itself,

you

behind

ready to make the most of every

preparation meets opportunity. That's

presents

we

are really believing and expect-

ing that big things will happen,

your

our

in us, waiting for

happens when

it is

important to

when opportunity

have the confidence to walk through

will

those open doors. Life

lived

is

one day

at a time,

and the way to prepare for

your very best today. Whether you want

tomorrow

is

to further

your career or change some bad

to live at

what you know how

where you need thinking, start I

to be

When my

doing

my

will be happy.

to

will help

tomorrow. Don't

boss recognizes

best work,

Or

do today, God

or,

perhaps,

As soon

When my

94

fall

my

as

habits,

I

you'll do

if

you

get to

into the trap of

talent, then

1

will

get another

job,

then

grow

up,

then

children

Making I

can pursue

the big

my

the

Most

of

What You Have

dreams. No, don't put your

moment;

start today.

Take some

life

classes,

on hold

expand your

horizons, do your best whether your boss praises

Every day lived well

is

you or

to do,

and God

Life is lived

will

open the door

to

new

is to live

at

know

opportunity.

one day at a time, and the way

for tomorrow

not.

one day closer to accomplishing your

dreams. Start using what you have and doing what you

how

until

to

prepare

your very best today.

Look for Success

It's

in

Day

Every

important to look for success in every day.

weren't perfect today,

Maybe

maybe you cheated on your

things

diet or said

something you wish you hadn't, but thank God you realized

and are

now taking

steps in the right direction. Don't focus

it

on

your mistakes; focus on your milestones. Maybe you've made

some wrong

decisions, but you've

decisions, too.

wanted

Maybe you

to do, but at least you've gotten

ful,

is

a

whole

lot of right

didn't get everything

plished. You're better off than

future

made

you were

done you

some things accom-

in

your past and your

getting brighter and brighter. See yourself as success-

because what you set your focus on will become

The Scripture

says,

"To those

95

who

have,

reality.

more

will be

Love Your given."" That

means you

opportunities as

will tap into

you continue

money,

He

ees.

more

gifts, talents,

man who entrusted some

called talents in those days, to three of his

them

instructed

to invest the talents

most of what he gave them while he was gone. found that two of the

men

my

talent because

trying to explain

why

On

employ-

his return,

I

was

afraid."

He was

man

full

he didn't do anything constructive with

Regardless, the wealthy

didn't have

man

asked, "Couldn't

put

est?"

The employer was

him and gave

it

so frustrated that he took

to

man

That's the

sec

at

faithful.

i:

one day closer

men had

gifts, talents,

and

do with them.

If

has given you,

the

same opportu-

of excuses didn't take advantage of

way God works. He has

will

what he had

accomplishing your dreams.

full

measure of

what we

God

is

interesting that all of the

but the

a

issues.

you have

man who had been

to the first

Every day lived well

with

any

my money in a savings account so it could draw inter-

least

nity,

said, "I

of excuses,

good contacts or maybe he was taking care of other

It's

he

used their talents wisely and doubled

what he was given. Perhaps he thought he

given

of

and make the

the return on their investments. However, one

buried

and

what you have been given.

to use

Jesus told a story about a wealthy his

Life

He

will

entrusted every person

abilities.

you

in

ways you never dreamed.

haVe;

it

is

It's

He's watching to

are faithful with

multiply your

them

it.

gifts

not about

what

and increase

how much you

about using what you have. Don't allow excuses to

96

Making

the

Most

What You Have

of

cause you to bury what you have been given. Just as the

wealthy

man

wasn't

excuses either. to

He

is

moved by

excuses,

moved by our

wake up every day and look

for

God

not

is

moved by

faith.

So make the decision

ways

to use

what God has

God

placed in your hands. Believe in yourself and believe that is

working on your

next week, but

if

behalf.

you

may

It

not happen tomorrow, or

you

will stay in faith,

will

grow and

increase.

Sometimes opportunities come our way and we can't do that,

that

we

or,

That's impossible.

we never even attempt

me

to

thought twice about wasn't because

it, I

blurted out, "Oh,

want

to

about doing that for so long, couldn't do that?

I

Later on,

it.

can do that.

enter sign

at the

the reasons

I

I

I

I

do

could do

realized

it.

it; I

I

in so long,

I

I

who was

All

I

I

even

do that!"

It

had just made excuses

Why

had basically hung I

didn't

can't

I

I

do

DO not

a

even stop to consider

saw was do not enter.

how much you

have;

about using what you have.

Have you ever heard yourself say, that talented;

can't

I

thought to myself,

not about

it is

a friend

had convinced myself that

door of that area.

It's

they were the

do a particular thing, and before

didn't

I

if

to explore other possibilities.

One day I was having a conversation with encouraging

J

We make so many excuses

eventually start living those excuses as

truth and

think,

"I can't

don't have the finances,"

or, "I

that;

I

am

not

haven't done that

am too old; I am too out of shape" ?

97

do

If

you

have,

you

Love Your

might need thinking!

Or you

I

owe

much and

too

make

allow yourself to

may

long enough, you

I

know he

is

Or

debt, but

God

I

say, "I

may

know God me."

married." Take

heart,

Keep

a

and you

Moses had called

him

I

when God opens

not see

says

your thinking.

am

I

efforts

blessed,

and

as

attitude, write God's

do not enter

will see great things in

do not enter

do

did

I

sign;

your

my

part,

mouth w as r

got

I

promises in your life!

When God

of captivity, the

"I can't

God;

to help the Israelites, but he'd

empower him,

when

go back and try

sign in his mind.

Hebrew people out

to

I

are saying, "I have been over-

good

He wanted

will be

I

could ever get out of

excuses that he didn't believe in himself. But help Moses.

on being

that door,

could never look like

statement out of Moses'

Moses wanted

I

how

that

to lead the

yourself.

my

down

a

you make them

if

not have met the right person yet, but

Maybe you

weight for so long

ahead. Don't

to get

them

out there. I'm going to focus

will help

again!

seem

in the forefront of

the right kind of person so ready."

can't

start to believe

may

attitude "I

married. I've

to get

think, I'm never going to get

excuses, because

Keep God's promises

own

sign in your

easy to think, I'm never going

been single for too long.

Have the

DO not enter

to check for a

It's

out of debt.

Life

so

I

made

first

stutter."

so

many

God wanted

He

told

1

Mose-

to 1

send your brother, Aaron, to help you."

will

Just as

God

helped Moses,

great things in your

life,

too.

EN ir signs and try again, i

right people across

you.

He wants It

God

you

to help

will take

will help you.

you accomplish

down He

the

will

your path and open new doors

DO not

bring the

in front of

Making

the

Most

What You Have

of

Sometimes God presents opportunities or insignificant,

how they fit is

maybe even

that look small,

ordinary. Perhaps

into the big picture of

your

He

presenting you with something,

life.

you don't

However,

if

see

God

has a purpose for

and He can increase you and promote you

it

to larger responsi-

bilities.

Don't allow yourself to make excuses, because

you make them long enough, you may believe

For help

many years,

him with

he ministered.

happened

had

a hair stylist

and make sure he looked

One day

she wasn't able to do

to be standing there

when

place.

Now, I wasn't

cosmetology school.

enough

to trust

Even though

My

first

me, I'm bold enough

resume,

when

years old,

my

I

was

a

highlights.

girl,

I

to

do

If

and

I

asked

practically

had

my own

if I

you're bold

your hair! that

list it

I

did

on

a

thirteen or fourteen

would come over

would cut

their hair.

started as simple haircuts turned to coloring I

I

didn't go to

It's

would never

maybe

to the garage

it.

I

remembered

friends in the neighborhood

and we would go out

And what

young

I

anymore, and

me and

thought was,

have some experience. Though

his best before

a hairdresser.

didn't feel qualified,

I

it

who would

she announced her resig-

nation. Joel's father immediately turned to

would take her

start to

them yourself

Joel's father

his hair

if

and

neighborhood beauty

shop right in the garage. Joel's father

used to

tell

us he was going to be preaching

99

Love Your Life into his nineties, and

remember one day

I

I

had no reason to believe any different.

was calculating how

still

doing Daddy's hair

you

it

would have been

mitted.

I

told

God,

when he was

a

old

ninety; and

is

what You have

going to be the most faithful person You can stick

with this even

like to

so

life

was

or

there are

many

for

me

find.

I

I

needs us

to

to do,

am

I

am

going to

other things

where

pass the faithfulness

He can pour into

how

difficult to see

and mind:

I

would

test

us greater things.

this

fit

into the big picture of

this could possibly take

If

you

me. But when

will be faithful in the little things,

I

my

my

didn't

heart

God

will

you with much more.

God needs

us to pass the faithfulness test so

into us greater things.

your hands

right

area of your

life,

now?

Are you being responsible If

you want

you have

to use

to

grow and

God

start

being on time everywhere you go.

will

multiply

it.

If

you want

better physical shape, take a walk for that promotion at work, do

and God

moment.

will increase If

you have

to If

can pour

for what's in

increase in

grow

any

in discipline,

you want

some

your best

at

to get in

exercise. If

you

your current job,

you. Don't wait around for the big

a gift to sing,

Records to sign you to

He

what you have been given;

then

want

tell

was com-

understand, one scriptural principle always came to

trust

can

I

be doing."

God

It

when

would be and

I

long time! Nevertheless,

"If this

I

a contract;

100

don't wait around for

Sony

sing in your church choir.

Making

Most

the

You never know what door God

As

I

I

used to

for anything.

I

loved

I

him,

call

always cherish.

spent together, today.

open

my time with

look back over

Big O," as

will

will

for

you

as

you begin

what you have.

to use

I

What You Have

of

Daddy Osteen,

wouldn't trade that experience

1

him and he loved me. We had believe

I

or "The

if it

were not

a

bond

that

for those years

would not have the same opportunities

I

we

have

When you are faithful to God, He will be faithful to you.

You never know what door God will open for you as

you begin

to

use what you have.

There's an old story about a traveler

who

hiked for

many

miles across the desert. His water supply was gone, and he

knew

that

if

he didn't find water soon, he would surely

die.

In

the distance, he noticed an abandoned cabin and hoped to find

some water

there.

Once he made

to the cabin,

it

he discovered

an old well. Then he noticed a tin can tied to the pump, with a note inside. The note

Dear

stranger:

This water

pump come

said:

needs out.

pump

to be

is

in

primed

Under the white

working condition, but the in

order for the water to

rock,

I

buried a jar of water,

out of the sun. There's enough water in the jar the

pump, but not

finished, please it

fill

if

to

prime

you drink any first. When you are

the jar

for the next stranger

and put

it

who comes

101

back as you found

this

way.

Love Your

Just like this hiker,

pour

in

sometimes you have

to be willing to

everything you have before you can see God's increase

flowing in your

to give

You have

life.

tap into His deep,

you

Life

to be willing to trust that

abundant supply of resources.

God what you have

stay faithful to do your part,

and courage

to

in

God

your hands will

do His

today, part.

It

encourage

and

as

you

takes faith

"prime your pump/' but remember, God has

already given you what you need to take the

you put

I

you can

action behind

your

first step.

and trust God, He

faith

When

will

pour

wisdom, strength, and creativity into you and help you accomplish the

dreams and desires He has placed

whatever he

is

doing, so

the television ministry.

it

was no

He was just

different

heart.

when he

nineteen years

had passion, knowledge, perseverance, and in

your

always been the type of person to give 100 percent

Joel has

to

in

discipline.

old,

started

but he

He poured

everything he had, because he believed that's what

wanted him

went

He worked with

to do.

excellence,

and

God

as the years

ministry began to grow. Joel remained faithful

by, the

through the years, always giving his very

best.

When we

redesigned the platform area where his father spoke each week,

he paid careful attention to every of the

podium

to

little detail

even the smallest adjustments in the lighting.

Every day he lived and worked steps carried

him

— from the height

to

Joel's greatest

where he

is

at his best

and those small

today.

strength was his dedication, not only in

doing the small things, but he was dedicated to growing and

remember one time he had

expanding

his vision.

some

programs and

so

radio

much

I

lined

up

special events for his father. Joel

had

was so excited

new

creativity and energy; he

L02

to bring

— Making

Most

the

opportunities to his father.

and

his ideas

One day he was

presenting

his father lovingly told him, "Joel,

years old, and

five

What You Have

of

are giving me. All

don't

I

I

want

want

to

do

to

do

all

these

I

am

some

of

seventy-

new projects you

pastor the church and con-

is

tinue the weekly television program/' I

remember how disappointed

Joel was, but as

that conversation to me, one thing he said

founded or not,

I

and whether

this church,

am going to

remain

1

was

he repeated

"My

father

agree with every decision

faithful to

him." Joel had plenty of

opportunities to do exciting television programs in different

where he was. Day

countries, but he chose to

remain

faithful

and day

father's

program and kept developing

out,

he edited his

the gifts and talents

God gave him. Now we

realize those sev-

enteen years behind the scenes were a time of testing. testing Joel's faithfulness

God was

when he

it

Joel,

is

him and

giving

you

have so

to the best of his ability.

what God wants

to

him more

know you

greater opportunities than

much untapped

talent

—just

water in that well

ing to take what

and put your

had.

He wants

to

He wants

to

and potential on the inside

But those treasures

like the

life.

you ever dreamed. You

gifts, creativity, ideas.

lifetime

opportunity.

do in your

bring out talents you didn't even give

it

bringing out those deeper talents on the inside of

increasing

That's

when

didn't get his way, Joel stuck

and did his job with excellence,

Today God

God was

to prove himself.

seeing what Joel was able to handle. Even

wasn't exciting, even

with

and allowing him

in

will lie

dormant

—unless you

are will-

you have and prime the pump. Use your

faith into action. If

you have

for a

a desire in

gifts

your

heart to teach or minister, start with the children's ministry at

103

Love Your Life

your church. You may ing children."

do your

Maybe

best, you're

"Oh, I'm made

say, so,

but

more than

you'll be faithful with

if

sowing

for

a seed.

teach-

and

little

God some-

You're giving

thing to multiply, and at the right time, He'll open up bigger

and better doors.

When you give what you it

God can

When

how

doesn't matter bless

it

didn't

have a talking horse

—

your hand,

it

it.

a little boy,

at the church.

Ed. No,

Mr. Ed was one of

who

draw Bible characters and

to

he loved

was because of Mr.

a talented professional artist

God gave him

it is,

and God can multiply

our son, Jonathan, was just

the volunteers gifts that

in

small you think

attending children's church, and

we

have

used the

tell stories

to help teach the Scriptures to children in a fun, relevant way.

His drawings were so good and so effective that Jonathan often

asked

he could take them home. Mr. Ed had

if

a

profound

impact on our son and the other children he taught, and

Even though he was amazingly

grateful.

we

are

talented, he never

once gave the impression that teaching children was beneath

He gave

him.

those kids his very best.

As you impart good things

God

will

impart good things into your

what you have think

of a

into the lives of other people,

it is,

God

in

your hand,

can bless

it

it

When you

doesn't matter

how

and God can multiply

One

time Jesus was preaching to

hill.

People traveled

a

life.

long

way

104

a large

to hear

small you

it.

crowd on the

Him

give

side

teach and they

Making were starting ald's or a

Most

the

to get hungry.

What You Have

of

Of course

there wasn't a

Domino's delivery anywhere. The

Jesus to send the crowds find food before

it

away

McDon-

disciples

urged

so they could travel back to

got dark. But Jesus said, "I'm not going to

turn them away; I'm going to feed them/' 14

He used

the lunch of a small boy, two fish and five small

loaves of bread, and multiplied

it

and fed thousands of people

that day.

The more we use our God-given the

potential,

more fulfilled and the happier we

Sometimes what you have seems like five loaves

and two

fish in

but don't limit

God

way

the

small.

will be.

It

may

only look

comparison to what you need,

the disciples did. Nothing

is

small in His eyes. His resources are not limited to what have.

He

Give

Him what is

is

the source of in

all

things,

and His supply

your hands, and allow

The more we use our God-given filled

and the happier we

through

a

ming pool on

a

When

it. It's

warm

its

potential, the

time to reason

right out of

where you

it.

more

a lot easier

it all

you

back.

out, because

ful-

not always easy to step

It's

we just have

if

you

just

You

can't give

you might

to

swim-

jump

an opportunity shows up, and you know

right for you, don't let fear hold self

limitless.

sort of like getting into a cold

day;

you

Him to multiply it.

door of opportunity, but sometimes

be bold and go for

right in!

will be.

is

too

it is

your-

talk yourself

You'll think of every excuse in the world to stay

are.

But remember,

if

105

God

gives

you the opportu-

Love Your

He

nity,

Life

has already given you the ability to accomplish

it.

Don't be afraid of more responsibility. That's the

knew would

talk

I

the reasons that

all

the reasons that the

Word

knew

that

when began speaking

felt

I

I

myself time to reason

didn't give I

way

of

God

myself out of couldn't do

I

could do

I

to

it. I

it.

it,

I

I

Now

I

became. That

wants you

you

to do.

limits

is

What

is

fear

at

know now,

Lakewood

opened

for

I

if

down

I

the

was scared! But

He was

The more

did

I

it,

I

for you.

I

He

called

small, but don't put

I

right

by the door God had I

can

tell

and experiencing the

have today.

me encourage you, don't shrink back and and rewarding

106

life.

you,

I

satisfac-

hide your

excuses keep you from God's best.

to live a fulfilled

is,

the eas-

and do what He has

just sat in the wings,

tion and fulfillment

you

right

to the possibilities.

this book,

and don't

to

would have talked myself out of speaking

me. Had

let

and begin

I

do not enter signs

would have breezed

ent,

all

it.

would not be writing

Let

I

my position

your hands may seem

in

and open your mind

I

yes,

what God wants

exactly

on what God can do with

Take

started thinking about

only half scared. The truth

overcome your

to

mind, because

Instead of thinking about

to step into

am

I

encouraged myself and allowed

pressed through and gained ground. it

my

took a step of faith and

encourage people. So

ier

out in

empower me. And

God wanted me

there with me.

it all

Lakewood.

at

tal-

He wants

Take down the do not

Making

Most

the

of

What You Have

enter signs and open your mind always placing

new

opportunities in your path.

or large, be faithful.

Do your

day you go out and give

God is keeping the

test.

tion.

Even when

to lead to.

to

It

it

it

best with

your

all is

The

a

records. He's the

day you're passing the one

who brings promoit's

going

may not look like your big moment, but it can lead

real question

God

will

is:

it's

not about

fulfill

how much you

Are you using what you have? Make

do what you can't

doors and you'll

do. He'll

If

you'll do

you

all

open up the right

the dreams He's placed in your heart.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS I

will live

ing for

my

life

one day at a time knowing that I'm prepar-

tomorrow by

living

my very

best today.

•

I

will be faithful with the talent, tune,

has given me. have,

God

I

realize that

will multiply

it

when

I

and opportunity God

make

the

most of what

I

and give me more. •

I

will meditate

on God's promises, keeping

my mind

filled

with thoughts of hope, faith, and victory. •

I

is

what you have. Every

the most of your opportunities. Get prepared.

can do,

God

Whether small

seems small, you don't know what

your big moment. Remember,

have.

to the possibilities.

will invest in the lives of those

family, being good to believe that as

I

my

around me

— encouraging my

friends, helping those in need.

bless others,

God

107

will bless me.

I

Love Your

/

back

will not shrink

what Cod has put

in

in

my

will take steps of faith

Life

fear or be intimidated about doing path.

I

will be bold

and courageous.

I

and make the most of every opportu-

nity. •

/

recognize that

future. fill

my

I

God has given me everything

have the

talent, the

1

need for the

wisdom, and the strength

to ful-

destiny. •

Today

what

I

I

will

do everything

I

can

can't do.

108

do,

knowing

that

God

will do

6

Recovering Lost Opportunities

When I look

back over my

life, I

can see where IVe missed

out on some God-given opportunities. the

same

regret.

thing. If so,

Don't

let lost

still

get

Don't

want

is

opportunities

and discouraged. God

is

your

GPS

car?

You

to

go in

set the location

You can be

instructed

you

street

and the

where the GPS

mean

GPS system will

you'll never

instantly recalcu-

based on your present location. is

to go,

driving along and get

to turn, but that doesn't

reach your destination. That

directional systems

where you want

and completely miss the

He

He

life.

GPS

distracted

similar way.

disappointed

make you feel disappointed

of those

calculates the best route.

late the route,

feel

bigger than your lost opportunities.

Have you ever used one in

make you

bigger than your lost opportunities.

you where you need

let lost

are saying

to encourage you: Don't live in

opportunities

and discouraged. God can

I

Maybe you

God works

in a

constantly giving us direction, speaking to

our hearts, leading us by granting peace or unrest in our

109

spirit,

Love Your

when we miss His

but even

— He

time to time

where we need love

I

Life

instructions

— and we

do from

all

our route and get us back

will recalculate

to be.

what the Apostle Paul

"This one thing

said:

getting those things which are behind, things which are before me/'

1

"

He was

I

do; for-

reach forth to the

I

saying that

we must

turn

our thoughts toward the present and future and keep looking

new

for the

God

is

your

opportunities in our paths. Be prepared, because

ready to

heart.

He

lost forever.

back in ways

may

the dreams and desires He's placed within

fulfill

loves to restore opportunities that once

And sometimes He we

God

will bless

One Christmas

excited about

nearby

to find a

answered, and her what

I

I

idea

and

me

giving

and

I

felt a

them

to do,

me

do some-

women

in

strong desire to full of

women's

to a

to

the

all

perfume

shelter.

I

was

searched through the yellow pages I

dialed the number, a

immediately began sharing and

how hoped I

to

my

woman

heart, telling

make

the

women

But rather than getting excited with

the information

with questions. She

women

I

When

shelter.

wanted

you'll stay

if

was longing

baskets, filling

at the shelter feel special.

me and

city

and taking them

my

I

began thinking of

I

and homes around the

toiletries,

thought; but

several years ago,

make some Christmas and

way we

for. It

you beyond your wildest dreams.

thing special for God. shelters

brings those opportunities

haven't considered or weren't looking

not always be the

open,

seemed

said,

"This

I

needed, she began to

is

a

grill

private facility and the

need to remain anonymous/' Then she asked, "Have

you been abused? Do you know somebody who has been abused?

Do you need

help, are

you looking

110

for help?"

Recovering Lost Opportunities

"No,"

said. "I just

I

want

women/' She went on and on

hung up

I

have I

else.

became busy with family holiday the holidays were whizzing

it,

to disguise

thought to myself,

I

someone

to

some

some

ended the conversation and

I

the phone in frustration.

it, I

knew

was trying

I

had suffered. Finally

back tomorrow and speak

for

though she hadn't even heard

as

me, apparently thinking that abuse that

day

to brighten the

But

as life

projects,

by and

I

call

I'll

would

and before

had missed the

opportunity.

We must turn our thoughts toward the present and future and keep looking for the new opportunities

A

few days

nity

I

had ended,

after the holidays

when I thought about had allowed

in our paths.

was praying

I

the Christmas baskets and the opportu-

to slip away.

told

I

God

that

I

felt

I

had

lost

my determination and had let those women down somehow. asked

Him

to present another opportunity to

would

see

it

months went

by,

and then one day

ised that this time

Several

telephone

call

I

from The Bridge,

similar to the one

I

The Bridge," she

Church.

I

want

to invite

tion

Awards program.

She

told

me

a

women's

line.

It's

prom-

I

received a

shelter in

Houston

woman named Jackie was "and

to speak at

I

attend Lakewood

my Women of Distinc-

a benefit for the

about the event and

leaders, business leaders,

I

"Hi, Victoria, I'm the direc-

told me,

you

and

through.

had contacted. A

on the other end of the phone tor of

me

I

women's

who would

shelter."

be there

—

city

and others. Clearly she was so happy

111

Love Your

and proud of

this event.

those Christmas baskets shelter several

months

up the phone,

would have been

it!

I

I

I

didn't

had

I

would

the event,

easier! Couldn't

about what

I

I

It

a large

I

in front of

stomach just thinking

I

had prayed

for.

my presentation and rehearsed over and over in my mind. After I

could and

had accomplished and what

my speech,

I

was

I

was

donation to the

elated

it

I

was happy

had experienced

when

me how

my

shelter.

took faith and work, but

I

I

several of the

inspiring

my

talk

told that a professional athlete

were so moved by

know God

When hung

to prepare

brought back an opportunity I

was hon-

have just started

I

was the opportunity

had been to them. Later

made

yes.

I

was nervous about the speaking

I

attendees congratulated me, telling

his wife

my

had done the best

that day. Following

and

women's

for the

have experience speaking

say, practicing

felt

I

make

thought about

well as the prayer.

butterflies in

felt this

worked so hard

what

to

immediately said

But, even though

engagement, I

I

much

so

there? At the time

about

had wanted

I

I

thought, Oh, God, those Christmas baskets

I

large audiences.

As she was speaking,

earlier, as

ored by her request, and

Life

I

presentation that they

was so encouraged.

was marvelous

to see

how God

had missed.

can do something similar for you. Everyone

has missed opportunities to do something good, to help somebody, or even to go to the next level in our career. For one rea-

son or another, we've allowed that opportunity to

our

fingers.

But

let

slip

through

bygones be bygones; don't get trapped

in

the past. Don't allow yourself to focus on the things you've

missed or could have done opportunities that you

better.

may have

L12

Allow

Him

missed.

to bring

back any

Recovering Lost Opportunities

Joel's sister, Lisa,

and her husband, Kevin,

tried for years to

have children, but Lisa was not able to conceive. She went through but

all

the fertility treatments and even several surgeries,

no baby. Finally the doctor

still

more he could

do;

told Lisa there

they weren't going to be able to have

dren. Lisa and Kevin were devastated.

dreams had

died,

but

God always

blue Lisa received a istries, a

home

"Lisa,

I

in adopting

looked like their

One day out of the

for at-risk

young women based

woman who if

is

in Nashville.

Nancy

this,"

said,

about to give birth to twin

you and Kevin might be

we

"but

girls,

interested

them."

and Kevin had not yet considered adoption since they

Lisa

were

chil-

from Nancy Alcorn of Mercy Min-

call

and we were wondering

It

has a plan.

normally wouldn't do

have a young

was nothing

still

hoping to have children naturally, but suddenly

Lisa's

was piqued.

interest

"There's only one problem,"

Nancy

said. "I

know you and

Kevin have most of the qualifications that the birth mother wants for the adoptive parents, but she also has

a stipulation

that her babies should be placed in a family with twins in their

background."

Nancy had no soon as she said this

was

a

idea that Kevin had a twin

that,

something inside

"God opportunity."

Kevin adopted those twin baby

A

Lisa's heart

few months

girls,

sister,

and

as

confirmed

later,

Lisa

and then three years

and

later,

they adopted another "Mercy" baby boy.

God gave

Lisa and Kevin three children they could not

have had naturally. Their hearts were open for what God

wanted

to

do in their

lives

even though

113

it

wasn't the

way they

Love Your

anticipated.

first

Life

God gave them another opportunity

parents they desired to be.

They could have

up and closed their minds, but they

just as easily given

didn't.

They remained

open and God brought back that opportunity way. Lisa will

my

heart.

couldn't have had better children!"

I

may

trot

have gone your way

in the past

and you think your dreams have

God has new

but

believe

God

is

died,

opportunities in front of you.

saying to us today,

that you've lost." Things

past and

in a different

you, "These children came straight from

tell

Tilings

I

to be the

may

"I

can restore the years

not have gone your

you think your dreams have

died, but

way

God

in the

has

new

He wants

the rest of your

life

received a letter from a

woman named

Micki

opportunities in front of you.

to

be better than ever.

One day

I

McHay; her husband had passed away and she was and brokenhearted. She described could

make

pray and ask

husband

through such

it

God

Joel's

one dream

to help her.

One

how

she

She began

night she was reading

to

my

book and she came across the statement "When

dies,

dream another dream." Those words touched

she had started to write it.

she couldn't see

a painful experience.

her heart. She thought about

ished

how

distraught

That night,

faith

a children's

many

in

CD

years before, but had never fin-

was reignited

was opening another door

book and music

her

life.

she was going to pick up where she

114

in

her heart. She

She made left off

a

felt

God

decision that

and pursue her

Recovering Lost Opportunities

dream. She found an

illustrator,

and before long, she released

The Ugly Snowflake, a delightful children's book about

a little

snowflake that discovered her true, unique beauty.

That

letter

was accompanied by an autographed copy

book and CD, which

my young

daughter asked

me

of the

to read to

her over and over again.

Not only

God

did

He

that night, but also lives of children

rebirth a is

dream

using

it

to bless

to

and encourage the

give you another opportunity

and open your heart and mind

Maybe youVe gone through if

Micki McHay's heart

everywhere.

Ask God

has died, but

in

you'll search

to

a loss

His

and

possibilities.

it

looks like a

your heart and dare

another dream, you can see great days up ahead. things in your heart that another, ask

God

you have

down

for

dream

to

there are

one reason or

you another opportunity and open

to give

your heart and mind

laid

If

dream

to His possibilities.

One day Joel and I were

sitting together looking at pictures

of our children

when they were young, and we were enjoying

the memories.

As we reminisced over photos

when

she was in the

little

princess stage,

these pictures beautiful?

really

said to Joel, "Aren't

Remember when we had

princess birthday parties, and everything Joel's face

I

of Alexandra

was pink?"

looked puzzled. "You know, Victoria,

remember

that.

don't have a strong

I

know

memory

I

must have been

of those times."

115

those

I

don't

there, but

I

Love Your Life

As

Joel

and

I

talked about

it,

we

realized that he didn't

have the same memories of Alexandra's early childhood as he

was

did of Jonathan's. Alexandra

passed away.

We

newborn when

just to stay afloat.

Joel's responsibilities

Everyone was vying

increased a hundredfold.

time and he was being pulled in

for his

every direction. The church was growing

at

an astonishing

rate

and the pressure on him was enormous.

that,

he was preaching on

had come

to expect a

TV

responsibility into

had

Joel

dra's

a

On

top of

to millions of people, all of

masterpiece each week. For the

years of his ministry, Joel's

some

Joel's father

were thrust into leading Lakewood Church,

and we were doing our best Overnight,

a

which he had been

thrust.

whom

first

mind was consumed by

all

three

the awe-

No wonder

hard time remembering those early years in Alexan-

life.

Joel

and

I

prayed that God would make up for that

opportunity. Today Joel his little girl.

He

makes every

effort to be the best

lost

dad to

takes time for his children and today Alexan-

dra and Joel's relationship

loves to do everything

is

as close as close can be.

w ith her 7

daddy.

Alexandra

They play outside

together, even go to the mall together. Alexandra

is

"Daddy's

girl."

Maybe you

feel like

you weren't

as

good

a

parent as you

should have been. Perhaps you were busy just trying to keep

your head above water, and consequently, your relationships with your family members are not what they should

may

be tempted to

feel guilty

and think,

more time with them and made them

a

If

I

You

had spent

higher priority. Fret-

ting over missed opportunities won't help.

116

only

be.

However, you can

Recovering Lost Opportunities

God

ask

you another chance. Pray

to give

you how Be open

to reach out to that person

new way

for a

that

He

and make up

show

will

for lost time.

to connect with the people in

your

life.

When you are open and look for creative ways to communicate with the people in your

life,

God

will help you.

WeVe all missed good chances, but ultimately, you'll never fail

you

unless

quit.

For me, that telephone efit

for the

serve, but

women's

it

call

inviting

shelter not only

stretched

me to speak at the ben-

opened an opportunity to

me to a new level. It increased my

of influence and opened the door to relationships that

ever cherish.

mas

I

I

realm

will for-

would have been so happy making those Christ-

baskets, but

God enabled me

to minister in a completely

new way.

We've

all

missed good chances, but ultimately,

you'll never fail unless

you quit

You may be thinking youVe wasted years the is

wrong

career or associating with the

saying, "I can restore those years."

wrong

of

your

life in

people, but

You may think

God

that

it's

been too long, you've been through too much, and you're never going to see those

God who gave make up

new

seasons of increase. But the same

Lisa and Kevin three beautiful children can

for lost time for you.

you back every opportunity always do so in the heart and

mind

Why don't you ask God to give

that you've missed?

way you

He may

are expecting, but open

to the possibilities.

117

Be ready

to

not

your

embrace the

Love Your Life opportunities

God

you'll rise higher

way God

your path. As you

will bring across

and higher and you

will

Love Your

Life the

intends.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS /

believe

He

is

God

is

bigger than

my

restoring dreams, plans,

lost opportunities

and goals that

I

and today allowed

to

pass by. •

I

will not live in negativity

failures

and

setbacks.

am dreaming

a

and disappointment because of

One dream may have

died, but

today

I

new dream. •

Even though in the

wrong

it

looks like

I

may have wasted

career, a failed relationship, or

ronment, I'm choosing

to

stay in faith,

years of

my

life

unhealthy envi-

knowing

that

God

can

restore those years to me. •

/

will not focus

God

on what

I

lost or

what

can resurrect dead dreams and

bring them about.

L18

I

missed out on;

He

still

has a

I

do,

know

way

to

7

Overcoming Offenses

My

entire

ness.

I

my

life,

grew up

family has been in the jewelry busi-

waiting on customers from the time school.

my

mother and

in

elementary

a bit

about gem-

in the jewelry store, helping

Over the

years,

I

was

IVe learned quite

stones and precious metals, but the story of the pearl has

always fascinated me.

Most people know isn't just tle

that a pearl

luck of the draw or

comes from an

random chance

—

oyster.

in fact, that

It

lit-

oyster has to do a lot of work and endure quite a bit of hard-

ship during the

making of

part of the process pearl.

The

is

that pearl.

And

the most amazing

that the oyster's goal isn't even to

oyster's goal

is

to insulate itself

make

a

from the offending

irritant.

A pearl is formed when a single grain of sand or a tiny foreign particle

is

lodged inside an oyster.

particle will cause

an

irritant,

damage

If left

alone, that tiny

to the tender mollusk.

The

particle

is

causing the oyster to produce a lacquer-like sub-

stance called nacre.

The oyster

irritant as a

means

shield itself

from the

secretes the nacre to cover that

of protecting irritant.

itself. It

constantly works to

Those layers of nacre coat the

119

Love Your Life sand granule, eventually sealing away the irritation and forming a gorgeous pearl.

Offenses are just

like that grain of

sand

— when someone

says or does something to us that offends us,

sand

as

they put

if

how

our oyster. While the oyster always knows

in

deal with

its

we

grain of sand,

with the offenses that

Throughout our let

it is

too need to learn

how

to

to deal

irritate us.

lives,

unfair things will happen. People will

us down, they'll say things that hurt our feelings, and they

won't always treat us the way we think they should.

we

If

allow those offenses to take root in our heart, they will cause us to

become

must

bitter

and lose our joy and enthusiasm for

from offenses and

learn to insulate ourselves

our hearts pure.

One

of the keys to loving

how

to take those negative things, give

Him

to

I

She has

a friend

who

life.

is

God, and allow

meant

a beautiful, talented, vibrant

That's just

who

she

is

—

to keep

learning

life is

lives are

is

We

to be.

woman.

always

full

of

and pas-

positive

But not everyone embraces her positive personality.

One day

work

at

as she entered the

morning meeting, she overheard about

to

upbeat personality and

a vivacious,

enthusiasm and sionate.

them

produce the priceless pearls our

have

your

life.

her.

They

Sometimes she comes.

I

I

said,

want

"She

is

a

know

just so over the top

if

for an early

few of her coworkers talking

to say to her, 'Are

just don't

boardroom

I

you

for real?'

all

the time.

Oh,

no.

Here

can take her perkiness this

morning."

My friend didn't say anything at the time, really

wounded her

heart.

It

was

as

if

but those words

they had poured

a

bucket

of sand in her oyster. Instead of going into that meeting with

120

Overcoming Offenses her positive attitude and sparkling personality, she quietly took her seat and remained withdrawn for the entire meeting.

She began doubting herself and

tried to adjust her personality

words she overheard that

to counteract the

We must learn and

to insulate ourselves from offenses

keep our hearts pure.

to

Shortly thereafter, she joined for lunch. I

I

noticed right

away

me and a group of our friends

that she

asked her what was wrong. After a

told us

what had happened

going to tone

down her

accepted by the other while,

and then

I

table agreed

moment

of hesitation, she

She

said she

women

in the office.

I

great and

you kidding me? You

you can use

who you your

can't appreciate

and began

it

telling her

was

more

listened for a

most outgoing, wonderful women is

sullen, so

personality so she would be

people for good. Don't change

your coworkers

was quiet and

in the meeting.

said to her, "Are

of the brightest,

Your personality

day.

are one

know!

I

to influence a lot of

are simply because !

Everyone

gifts "

how much

at the

they appreciated

and enjoyed her vivacious personality. Immediately

my

friend realized that she

was

letting her

coworkers' disapproval cause her to doubt herself and negatively affect her self-esteem.

she

is

the beautiful pearl

As

far as she

among

and

I

are concerned,

the grains of sand in her

office.

Do you someone

in

ever find that you do something similar?

your

life

Maybe

has said hurtful things about your per-

121

Love Your

sonality,

Life

your appearance, or your

abilities

and you've altered

yourself for their approval. Understand, just because some-

body says something about you, doesn't make

my

told

friend, I'm telling

you today: You are created

image of Almighty God and He gave you the ality

you have

for a purpose.

but that's okay. Be

else,

true. Just as

it

gifts

You may not be

who God made you

in the

and person-

like

to be

I

everyone

and do not be

defined by the opinions of other people.

Alexandra loves gymnastics. She loves cartwheels, twists, and turns. She

watch

this," as

began learning

is

always saying,

she tries something new.

how

to

I

remember when she a

room and then

I

in the living

noticed that she began doing something else.

her cartwheel was coming along and

my complete surprise, that my request bothered her.

me. To

I

if

how

she would do one for

she declined; in I

asked her

I

asked her

why

fact,

I

could

it,

and he made fun of me. So

learn to do a roundabout instead." Curtis

her class at school

—and

at that

very

tell

she didn't want

do one for me. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "Curtis told

wasn't good at

in

"Mommy,

do one-handed cartwheels. She spent

day or two practicing them

to

do back bends,

to

I

am

me

going to

was one of the boys

moment one

of

my

least favorite.

Be who God made you

to

be and do not be defined

by the opinions of other people.

I

cai

t

thought for

a

moment and

wheel expert?"

122

then asked, "Oh!

Is

Curtis

a

""

Overcoming Offenses She looked

me, slightly perplexed, and then answered,

at

"No." "Perhaps he

"No!" she

an Olympic gymnast?"

is

said.

could

I

I

asked.

she was beginning to under-

tell

my point.

stand

"Well then, he must surely be

gymnastics expert of some

a

kind."

By now,

was on her

a smile

an expert in cartwheels

"Mom, you know he is

face.

"Well then, do you believe you are not good just because Curtis told

you so?"

I

talked a

little bit

more about

wheels for me, and then

I

rhyme: off

"I

am

me and I

rubber,

sticks to

laughed

at

you

it,

I

cartwheels

was

telling her.

she did half a dozen cartlittle face.

As

are glue; whatever

you say bounces

you!

lot

of truth to that old rhyme.

only get that down into our hearts as adults,

we should always

opinions of people

I

heard her begin to sing an old

her sweet, innocent perspective, and then

thought, There's a

well! Certainly

I

kissed her brightened

turned to go into the kitchen,

at

asked.

Alexandra completely understood what

We

not

!

we

respect,

it

If

we

I

could

would serve us

consider the constructive

but don't

let

anyone's words alter

your personality or deter you from using your

gifts

and

make

tal-

ents. Just

because someone

Don't

the words of others define you; instead, insulate that

let

offense. Let

it

bounce right

criticizes

off you.

123

you, doesn't

it

true.

Love Your Life

Don't Let Offenses

One let

thing

much time

with nacre.

about the oyster

find interesting

I

It

pass before

doesn't

let

Hang Around

the sand linger at

in that for all of us. If

around they

will cause

Two

The

many

matic experience illness

damage

doesn't

we

all.

There

is a

very

allow offenses to hang

that can be nearly impossible to

Shelly and Susan, have been friends of our years. Several years ago, they shared a trau-

when

and eventually

Susan had been very found comfort

their

mother went through

Up

died.

close,

and

at first

That

in each other.

some

is,

they

and

until

estate,

rallied together it

came time

and

to deal

which consisted of

and about S50,000

furniture,

prolonged

a

until that time, Shelly

with their mother's rather modest small house,

it

results can be devastating.

sisters,

family for

that

begins to cover the grain of sand

it

good lesson

reverse.

is

a

in life insur-

ance. Their mother's will provided for each of the daughters to

receive an equal share.

Shortly after the funeral, Shelly, Susan, and Susan's husband, Tom, were sitting in Shelly's dining

whether they were going

to sell the

room

house or rent

discussing

it.

Tom

sud-

denly blurted out, "You know, Shelly, your mother always loved you the most, and

house just

to

it

seems that Susan should get the

even things out!

"

Shelly was floored and hardly

when she

knew what

to say to

Tom

noticed that Susan was nodding her head in agree-

124

Overcoming Offenses

why

ment. "Susan,

Susan looked

at

are

you nodding your head?" she

Tom, then back

Shelly that she had always tle

felt

princess," she told Shelly

at Shelly,

that

and then began

became

a heated

Finally,

Tom

Susan and

lit-

"You could do no wrong." Susan

As you might imagine,

argument

to tell

way "You were Mom's

then spent the next ten minutes telling Shelly resented her for that.

asked.

filled

how much

she

the conversation

with accusations and offenses.

stormed out of the house, got into

and sped away.

their car,

The next afternoon Shelly

received a notice from Susan's

attorney informing her that Susan was contesting their

mother's

became angry friend,

A

Now

will.

who

at

Shelly was offended as well, and she

Susan. She picked up the phone and called a

referred her to an attorney.

year and a half

was sold

to

later,

pay attorney's

about $25,000

the case was settled.

fees

and each of the

sisters received

—well short of what they could have received

had they not allowed their offenses tionship.

The house

The saddest

part of this tale

to devastate their rela-

is

that they have not spo-

ken to each other since that day in Shelly 's dining room.

As

a family,

they were torn apart by lingering offenses. The

entire episode could have

been avoided had Susan confided

in

her sister and dealt with her negative feelings years earlier instead of allowing the bitterness and resentment to

grow

in

her heart.

We have to recognize when our thinking is moving in the wrong in

our

direction. If

own

we

self-pity

long enough,

we

are not careful,

and

despair. If

will take

we

we

will get

wrapped up

dwell on those thoughts

ownership of destructive attitudes

125

Love Your

Life

that will distract our thinking and hinder our deal with the

and rob us of the

If you start

soon

things in our

little

God

rich, fruitful life

become

don't

big things

has in store.

showing disrespect even

small ways,

in

will manifest itself into larger displays of disrespect

it

that can

It is

lives, they'll

we

life. If

damage a good

relationship.

important to realize that offenses can be

will take root

and begin

our marriage Joel and

to

grow I remember one time

were having

I

was no way that we were going were hurt, and didn't see

was highly

I

like a seed that

early in

disagreement. There

a

to see eye to eye,

my

feelings

on the other hand,

frustrated. Joel,

our disagreement as a big deal and had grown

talking about

it.

So

me

to placate

tired of

and end the discussion, he

halfheartedly said, "I'm sorry." That was good enough for

and he went about

his business.

room, behind the closed door,

tongue out through

my

at

him.

It

But

as

So

I

frustration with him,

went

I

knew

even though he was wrong,

I

said, "I

really believe that

small ways, soon

my

I

it

was

it

disrespect that can

will

if

I

loved

disrespectful.

realized that

heart.

I

had

into the kitchen, found Joel,

simply smiled and

my

seemed innocent enough, but even

that disrespect take root in

quickly.

walked into the other

turned around and stuck out

I

After a few minutes of contemplation, let

I

him

him and

I

couldn't

to deal

and

told

with

him

it

that

respected him. Joel

knew you would come around." you

start

manifest

damage

a

showing disrespect even

itself into larger

good relationship.

126

in

displays of

When you

Overcoming Offenses allow offenses to linger and grow, before long they will become big issues that strain and

weaken

relationships.

I

recognized

my tongue — as innocuous as it may have been —was planting seeds of resentment in my own that the gesture of sticking out

heart,

and

I

didn't

want

to reap that kind of harvest in our rela-

Now I'm careful to them to linger in my heart. tionship.

let

those things go and not allow

Healing Through a Pure Heart

So often people hold on

to bitterness or resentment, thinking

that they are stockpiling

ammunition against the person who

hurt or offended them; as get even.

if

one day they'll have the chance to

Or perhaps they

are holding

on

to the evidence

because they think they're waiting for their day in emotional court.

However, the truth

is, if

only person being punished

you

is

don't choose to forgive, the

you! Unforgiveness

barrier that actually blocks the door to

remove the to others.

barrier, fling

door,

heart.

like a

We

must

and extend forgiveness

When your heart is open, you can then release all the

hurt and pain and I

open the

your

is

make room

heard a story about a

for God's healing.

woman

in her mid-thirties

an abusive, tumultuous marriage. Her husband was drinker; he

had several

affairs

and

finally

and concerns that were consuming her

127

a

heavy

abandoned her and

her three young children. Understandably, she had ries

who had

life. It

many wor-

was

as

if

the

Love Your Life

weight of the world was on her shoulders and she pletely

overwhelmed. She

mention under

felt

com-

felt

betrayed, angry, and hurt, not to

financial pressure.

At

awake

night, she'd lay

imagining confrontations with her former husband. She would play in her

mind over and over

that he had

committed against

all

of the offenses and

her; she

wrongs

wanted so badly

to get

even. It

was the most

difficult

time in her

She got

life.

to the

point where she didn't want to face the day. She was so discour-

aged that

and stay

in bed.

One

God.

she wanted to do was pull the covers over her head

all

The only

solace she could find

was her

faith in

night while she was praying, she realized she had to

do something. She knew she had to change her perspective

and find

a

way

to

keep moving forward. She had three beauti-

depending on her and her whole

ful children

She knew that the longer she stayed

life

ahead of

in that despair, the

her.

deeper

she would sink. She cried out, "God, you've got to help me.

go on

can't

me

like this.

forgive."

I

She came up with

a

it

was going

way

to be

an act of her

to visualize those

She imagined herself holding

released. filled

my children. Please help

can't take care of

She realized

a

will.

burdens being

bouquet of helium-

balloons and each one represented a specific offense,

worry, concern, or care. She stretched out her

arm and one

time released the balloons and watched them said,

"God, I'm giving you

this pain

float

at a

away. She

and unforgiveness right

now. I'm releasing this to you." She stood there and watched rise

I

up

"Father,

to the heavens. all

releasing

it

the doubt, to

you

all

She took the next balloon and the insecurities about

right now."

As she

is

my

it

said,

future, I'm

did this, she could Uter-

Overcoming Offenses ally feel the

weight of those offenses,

had consumed her begin

to

come

strength

off her.

lift

breathe in hope. Faith begin to

cares,

fill

and concerns that

Her

spirit

her heart. She

begin to

felt a

new

into her body.

Every morning she continued to release her balloons, not allowing herself to be overwhelmed by her responsibilities

and consumed by the hurts of the

past.

As she

She was able

a fresh portion of God's strength to face each day. to see

had

new opportunities and embrace

the

in store. Before long, she noticed a

attitude, in

how

she approached

she received

did,

new beginning God

change in her mental

She had the emotional

life.

strength to invest in her children again and started speaking

words of

faith

and hope over their

lives.

Eventually, she

received her nursing certification, and today she

nurse

well-known nonprofit

at a

grown and

successful as well.

clinic.

It all

Her

started

is

the head

children are

when

she

now

made

the

choice to release her balloons and not allow the discouragement

and offenses to weigh her down and keep her from her

Why don't you offenses and give

release

them

more when you allow that the door to to release

your heart

Him

It

to

is

fill

your

heart.

It is

open and you make room

mean

It

all

God. You can accomplish so much

His healing in your

right or excusable.

matter.

your balloons today? Let go of

forgiveness to

Forgiveness doesn't

was

to

destiny.

for

then

God

life.

that

doesn't

what the other person

mean

did

that the incident didn't

simply means that you are trusting God and allowing

move you

past

your hurts and pain and into your

divine destiny.

Some

people think they can't forgive, because

129

it

seems too

Love Your Life

difficult.

But

in reality,

Our

not to forgive.

offended

more

it's

bitterness

difficult for

when we choose

not hurting the person

is

only embedding

us. It is

us

itself in

who

our heart and keep-

ing us from God's best.

Forgiveness

is

setting the prisoner free

heard

it

realizing

was you.

the prisoner

I've

and then

said that forgiveness

is

setting the prisoner free

and then realizing the prisoner was you. Choose freedom by choosing forgiveness! fretting over

We

much time worrying and

spend so

what other people think about

they aren't thinking about us

at

all.

us,

We need to learn not to be

so touchy. Don't waste precious time wondering,

he

mean by

Why

that?

about? Before you

did she say that?

know

it,

but usually

Now, what did

What was

you have made

that look

a big issue

out of

nothing. It's

important to recognize that forgiveness

mere words;

is

more than

it's

a heart attitude that induces a spiritual trans-

my

mother-in-law, Dodie Osteen, was diagnosed

formation. In 1981,

with terminal cancer of the liver and was told she had only a

few weeks

to live.

No

medical treatments for the disease were

available to her at that time,

nothing they could do for

went home

and the doctors said there was

her.

She and her husband, John,

after they heard the report, got

and asked God for

a

miracle.

everything she knew to be

Over

on their knees,

the next year, Dodie did

in a position to receive her miracle.

L30

Overcoming Offenses It

took about a year of standing and fighting through

the

all

symptoms, but she did receive her miracle healing! Whenever

how one

she shares her story, she talks about to receiving God's healing

was her willingness

offenses, keeping her heart clean

She

ness.

ple

how

tells

could think of

whom

have offended

her.

He

times in your

go of

anyone she

children, her parents, or

she might have offended or

She went the extra mile

who might

make

to

sure her

would have blocked God's

life.

power of

forgiveness.

essarily feel like forgiving, but this area,

to let

through the power of forgive-

heart was free of any offenses that

That's the

main keys

she wrote letters of forgiveness to peo-

—her husband, her

healing in her

of the

will life

work that

Sometimes we don't nec-

when we humbly obey God

you have

God

to ask

may

There

a miracle in our lives.

to help

you

in

be

release

offenses that create unforgiveness in your heart.

encourage you today,

I

you

still

if

someone has wronged you and

get that cringing feeling on the inside

that person or think about him, take

to

it

when you

God and

see

Him to

allow

keep your heart soft and sensitive. Remember, no one's offending words or deeds define

who you

your

are or affect

intrinsic

value.

Realize today even though

always

fair.

He

is

a

working with you your

God

to

difficulties. It's

of justice and

make

okay

and

I

am

me

God

is

He

is

the one

who

is

a beautiful pearl in the midst of

to say, "God,

give this person, but I'm asking

the strength to help

fair,

not always

life is

forgive.

You I

am

I

don't feel like

I

can for-

to give

me

the grace and

giving

my

heart to You,

giving that person and situation to You, because

131

You

Love Your

One who

are the only

can help

change any part of our

Change always begins To experience

your life.

let

morning and though

this

that be

are going to

on the

we have

to see

a setback in

that

you can

"God, You are

me

we

to start

inside.

our

see. Instead, get

it's

not

out to a better place."

disre-

focal point of

in control of

even though

dif-

your marriage or on

become the major

all

is difficult,

going to bring

we have

It

you have been mistreated or

gone through

say,

forgive."

a true attitude change,

job, don't let that

Don't

me

in the heart.

ficulties differently. If

spected, or have

lives,

Life

up every

my life, and even

fair,

It is

your

I

up

know You to us to

are

push

out the circumstances and irritants that would try to attach

themselves to us and weigh us down.

To experience a true attitude change,

we have

It

may

happen, person

to see

not be your

fault;

maybe you had

who

happened

our

you

you may have had unfair things

a difficult upbringing.

God

sees every

has hurt you and every unfair situation that has

But remember,

to you.

you but what's happening don't

difficulties differently.

in

you

release the balloons? Let

to take those pains

it's

not what happened

that matters the most.

priceless pearls. Pearls of

wisdom, pearls of strength, pearls of joy. As you balloons, you'll be free to accomplish free to love

your

L32

Why

go of any offense. Trust God

and turn them into

your relationships,

to

your

let

go of your

goals, free to

life in a

fresh

enjoy

new way.

Overcoming Offenses

ANCHOR THOUGHTS 1

will give

obstacles,

He

God

and

will turn

the things that irritate me:

worries,

them

knowing

that as

I

my

frustrations,

release those irritants,

into priceless pearls. •

I

believe

I

am made in

personality,

and

the

image of God.

I

have the right gifts,

my purpose.

ability to fulfill •

J

my

will correct the small issues in

life. I

will not allow

disrespect, unkindness, or negative attitudes to

heart and rob

me from

the fruitful

life

God has

grow

in

any

my

in store.

•

I

will forgive the people

who have wronged me,

bitterness or offense, trusting

hurts and pains into a

God

to

move me

new season for my

133

releasing

life.

any

past those

8

Enjoying Rich Relationships

A

COUple of years ago,

who had come Joel's

book had

divorce.

He

one of

to

was chatting with

I

Joel's

really helped

book

him

to tell

me

that he

had

all/'

he

said,

He

He wanted

a

blond

much

like

then

I

work."

a

man.

I

He went on

liked to keep a clean house,

me

woman

a

imagined him a car.

loved the outdoors and quiet

walks on the beach. Perhaps he also ordered

even told

guess

said, "I

one might custom-order

woman who

exactly 3.5 children

in his

out the profile and that his com-

and he had every quality she desired in out the profile

a terrible

a

puter-matched wife had every quality he desired in

filling

that

"we met through

sites don't really

filled

me

told

from

to recover

very reputable matchmaker website."

am living proof that those

He

what had gone wrong

didn't understand

five-year marriage. "After

signings.

young man

a

was

a

a

woman who

good cook, and wanted

—two boys and one and

a half girls!

He

that he had specifically requested that she be of a

certain Christian

denomination (Presbyterian,

I

think).

Appar-

ently the problems began during the second year of their marriage

when he

standards.

He

realized that she didn't really

still

wasn't sure

if

she lied on the

135

meet

all

profile,

of his

changed

Love Your Life after they got married, or

He

actually said to me,

whether the

'They never

profile itself

asked, 'Are

you willing

My encounter with this young man confirmed a truth regarding

all

types of relationships:

We

set,

universal

enter into rela-

When

tionships with set standards and expectations.

do not meet the standards we

to

"

when your husband needs you?'

be there

was flawed.

people

we become disenchanted

with the relationship, allowing disappointment and frustration to set in.

thing

easy to get along with people

It's

going great,

is

when

others are meeting our standards

and acting exactly the way we want them

when something

goes

when every-

wrong and our

to.

But what happens

feelings get hurt or that

person says something he or she shouldn't have said?

Maybe

your husband doesn't give you that verbal affirmation that

you yearn

or

for,

you have

even though he knows

a friend

how

careful, you'll begin to focus

who's always running

punctual you

are. If

late

you're not

on the unmet expectations and the

disappointments, allowing them to affect your attitude, and ultimately your relationship.

But

it

expectations and

realistic

ple

room

our

lives

Too

let

is

perfect

if

to

By

and even the best people

have

giving peo-

a lot of heartache.

disappoint

us.

It is

Accept the

will fail us at

not up to anyone

keep us happy and content. That

down and

will learn to

hold mistakes and failures against the people in

when they

often,

we

people off the hook.

human, we can avoid

We can't

lives to ity.

to be

nobody

fact that

times.

doesn't have to be that way,

we

is

our

own

expect our mate to cheer us up

always be loving and kind.

We

in

our

responsibil-

when we

are

expect our boss to

recognize our hard work, and our friends to always be there for

Enjoying Rich Relationships

us.

But those are unrealistic expectations. The perfect spouse

does not

neither does the perfect boss or the perfect friend.

exist;

We would avoid a lot of disappointments by simply understanding that no matter

much they

how much you

love you, at

some

love people,

point, they

won't

expectations or they will hurt your feelings in

times the people

hurt you; they

why you

who are

closest to

no matter how up

live

to

your

some way. Often-

you do not

realize

they have

may not always be sensitive to your needs. That's

have to depend on your God-given inner strength as

your source of

fulfillment.

You

can't expect

anyone

else to heal

your hurts or meet your deepest needs. God alone can heal us and meet our needs through His perfect

When Jonathan was that he affectionately

Jonathan loved that

a little boy,

we bought him

named Hammy. He was

little

a

hamster

so excited.

furry guy, and he enjoyed having his

cousins over to play with his

would even

love.

let his little sister

new

hold

friend. Occasionally,

he

Hammy.

We need to learn to have realistic expectations and to

let

people off the hook. By giving people room

be human,

we can

One day Jonathan and evidently that

avoid a

lot

of heartache.

reached into the cage just as always,

little

hamster didn't want to be bothered,

because he bit Jonathan. Jonathan was shocked. ately pulled his

hand back and kept

his distance.

He immedi-

You could

see

the disappointment on Jonathan's face. Every time he looked at that hamster, he thought about

it

137

biting him.

He began

to tell

Love Your

his little sister,

"Watch

wouldn't touch him

hamster

if

much

bite so

out; that I

Hammy

to

some

bite you, too.

that before long he forgot

he didn't

fact

hamster might

Hammy. He no him

like

about the

longer loved that

We

at all!

all

ended up giving

of our cousins.

How many times have we seen this same situation in

our

you

own

relationships?

Someone comes You have

really love that person.

time with your

I

were you." Jonathan focused on that

fun he previously had with hamster; in

Life

new

to disappoint you.

friend, but

into

much

so

play out

your

and

life

fun spending

then the friend does something

Your friend doesn't meet your expectations,

and you begin dwelling on the negative aspects of that person. Before long, you've identified every flaw in your friend and decided that person

isn't

Or you have

energy.

worth your investment of time and

a friend or a

member who you've

family

loved for a long time, but one day that person hurts you Jonathan's hamster hurt him, and

like

over all

it.

Every time you look

you simply

at that person,

you

much

can't get

relive that hurt

over again and you build barriers around your heart where

that person

The

is

concerned.

are not careful, the times

we

will start

someone hurts

mistake or disappoints

us.

us,

compiling

a

we

mental record of

all

Every time that person makes

we add

it

to the

list.

Maybe

same problem comes up repeatedly and the next time pens,

Xb

If

Scripture says, Love keeps no record of wrongs.

you have an automatic recording

in

it

your mind that

a

the

hap-

plays,

"Here he goes again." The next thing you know, you arc verbally reciting the

mind

until

list

of wrongs, or silently rehearsing

it

in

you are completely frustrated and unhappy.

138

your

Enjoying Rich Relationships

You have files.

to be willing to delete the list

The only way

God promises

to

do

this

to forgive us,

from your mental

through forgiveness. Just

is

He wants us to

as

forgive one another.

We have to clean the slate often and make the decision that no matter what someone does to the offense and allow

it

we

let

are not going to hold

our

to pollute

should be a doormat or can't

us,

lives.

people walk

measure others by using

I

all

on

to

am not saying you over you. But you

unrealistic expectations

and

expect a good relationship.

At every Lakewood

service,

members and

this portion of the service,

one with one of the

we have

prayer time. During visitors

pray one on

hundred volunteers who serve

five

prayer partners. Both Joel and

I

as

are prayer partners, and each of

us will pray for two or three people during each service.

remember one something

particular Saturday-night service

woman came up to me

marriage. She told to live with, but

me

that her

he had become even more so

she handed

She

said,

"Read

just in the last I

me three

I

pray for her

offenses,

lately.

and then

She to

this. It is a list

my sur-

of the things he has done,

two weeks/'

opened the pages

to see

one offense

two weeks?"

I

after the other scriball this

in

me

so

asked.

"Yes," she said. "I didn't think I

recited

sheets of notebook paper.

bled in various colors of ink and pencil. "He's done just

a fifty-

husband had always been hard

two or three of his most current prise,

and asked that

when

I

anyone would believe

have been writing them down."

"Why so many colors

of ink?"

"Well," she said, "I write

I

asked.

them down

139

as quickly as

I

can so

Love Your Life

I

won't forget them, and

If

I

wait too long,

After

much

better

if

grab the

first

pen or pencil

can find.

I

forget."

I'll

prayed for

I

I

her,

thought, Wouldn't her

I

she did forget'?

Any

time someone disappoints

you or does not meet your expectations, you have

a choice to

either dwell on those disappointments or overlook them. ever,

if

you

really

a third choice:

want

to succeed in

your

How-

relationship, there

is

Ignore the other person's shortcomings and in

him

or her that exceeds your

of the time,

you

will find

immediately find something expectations.

be so

life

Most

dozens of good

few things that

qualities in that person

and only

a

When

come

you must remind yourself of

all

those irritations

up,

the good things that person brings to your

life

irritate

you.

and focus on

the benefits of being in a healthy relationship.

Any

time someone disappoints you or does not meet

your expectations, you have a choice

to either

dwell

on those disappointments or overlook them.

After

prayed for the

I

woman

with the

list

of grievances

against her husband, an interesting thing happened. Following

the service, Richard, another prayer partner in our ministry,

approached today with "Yes," "I

me and a list of

I

said.

asked, "Did

I

see

you pray

for a

woman

things her husband has done wrong?"

"Do you know her?"

prayed for her Wednesday night," he responded. "She

showed me the same

list. It

has inspired

cerning Lisa."

140

me

to

keep

a list

con-

Enjoying Rich Relationships

was surprised

I

to hear Richard say this, as

his wife Lisa pretty well

good relationship. For respond. "Oh,"

a

and had always thought they had

moment I was unsure

"Surely Lisa doesn't do that

much wrong/

"No, she really doesn't," he going to begin keeping all

of the things

of

my

I

said.

a different

love about her.

going to keep the

them down

use the

pen

first

I

list

as

me

"So

I

in a drawer."

soon as

am

I

My list is going to have

am

going to write

make

my

He went

down

and

all

life easier.

on: "I

I

am

all

the

I

am

going to

asked.

I

its

especially loved that he

on the

to pull into the lobster. It

a sad situation.

benefits of the rela-

shortcomings.

was sixteen years old and

beginning to drive,

and

I

good lesson from what was such

a

see the expressions it

7

think of them, and I'm going to

I

to train yourself to focus

When

steaks

to

can find."

tionship rather than

funny

a

won't forget them," he answered.

drew such

first

I

loved Richard's approach, and

You have

how

"But when she does,

list.

that

"So you won't forget them?"

I

exactly

favorite dishes that she prepares for dinner

other things she does for

write

knew him and

searching for the right thing to say.

said,

I

I

I

had

a friend

my

friends

and

who thought

it

I

were

was so

hamburger drive-through and order

was

really rather

on the order

silly,

since she couldn't

taker's face, but she loved to

do

anyway. Part of having realistic expectations in a relationship

is

to

understand what you can and cannot expect from other people.

No

matter

how much you may

expect to get

it

be craving surf and

turf, don't

from the McDonald's drive-through. They just

141

Love Your Life don't have

it.

same way, you

In the

from people emotionally

if

some things

can't expect

they don't have

it

to give.

Train yourself to focus on the benefits

of the relationship rather than

shortcomings.

its

Perhaps some people never received the affirmation and

know how

support they needed, and as a result, they don't give

it.

may

not

If

your spouse was never encouraged growing

know how

doesn't talk a lot or

understand that he give you

show

may

not

like

may

know how. Yon

him

at

your husband

can't expect

to,

him

to

he can change over

to give. Sure,

never be as good

If

up, he

way you want him

affection the

what he doesn't have

time, but he

would

encourage you today.

to

to

expressing his love as you

to be.

However, not

all is lost;

you do have

influence. If you're

looking for something different in your relationships today,

you might need

to look at yourself.

something missing the one

who

in

your relationship,

If

derness in your home,

If

you want more

show your

your home. Relationships arc

what you

more

it

it's

when you

see

because you are

you want more encouragement

home, be the encourager.

When

times,

brings that attribute to the relationship. You carry

the seeds of change.

give as

Most

affection

in

your

and ten-

affection to the people in

just as

much about what you

arc hoping to receive.

came

to

different than

showing

my

affection,

mother and

beginning of their relationship.

My

142

my

no two people were

father

father

—

at least in the

grew up

in a

home

Enjoying Rich Relationships

where

openly demonstrate their affection.

his parents did not

They loved each other very much, but each other to

know it. Their philosophy was

one, but

you

visit,

didn't

that

have to constantly say

when we

there were hugs

just expected the

you can it.

love some-

When we would

when we

arrived and

departed,

but there were few in between. They were wonderful and loving people, but

was not natural

it

for

them

to

openly display their

affection.

My

mother grew up quite

differently.

She grew up

in a

very affectionate Southern family where you would hug some-

one before you

left for

going to see them for back on

we

all

the grocery store. (After at least thirty

warmth and

my

mother's family,

affection that

I

as

a result,

When

I

think

summer vacations

the atmosphere of

much about what you give

what you are hoping

my

it is

you weren't

remember most.

Relationships are just as

As

minutes!)

of those Christmas holidays and

spent with

all,

to receive.

mother was the one who brought that

atmosphere of warmth and affection into our home. She was always expressive with her love

—constantly kissing and ten-

day went by without her saying

derly hugging us.

Not

that she loved us.

We always knew how much we meant to her

because she told us I

realize

a single

so, all

now that my mother's

tion profoundly changed

him

so

the time.

much

persistent displays of affec-

my father. Quite simply, she showed

affection that he eventually lowered his guard

143

Love Your

and began

my

to return the affection

me as

brother and

but once

my

did,

it

upbringing, naturally to

I

am

my

Lire

— not only with

well. I'm sure

it

forever.

Because of his

sure that displays of affection do not father as

my

mother; however,

have known that growing up with him.

show

happen overnight,

didn't

was changed

father

that he loved me,

He never

and even today he

is

my brother Don

You have

so

much

come

as

would never

I

hesitated to

warm and

tionate toward me, Joel, and his grandchildren. In kisses

but with

her,

fact,

affec-

he

still

on the cheek!

to contribute to

your spouse and the people

in

your

your life

relationships.

something

to

Give

draw

from. You can be the model of change. Don't push people to change; instead, lead by example and by sowing good seeds. Simply, be the change you want to see.

Give your spouse and the people something

to

in

draw from. You can be

your

life

the model

of change.

Being

a

model of change doesn't mean approaching

tionships with an I'm-going-to-fix-you attitude. is

easy for us to think

some wisdom and help

we

you

straighten

"fix"

to gain

him

from those

it

or her out, but we're not.

areas they need to

to point out their shortcomings.

"fixing" everyone around us,

meant

Sometimes

are on this earth to give everyone

Most people already know the don't need

rela-

we miss

When you

someone, what you're really saying

is,

on.

When we

the true riches

relationships.

144

work

They start

we were

set

out to

"You're not good

— Enjoying Rich Relationships

enough the way you

are, so

am

I

going to

know they

not what people need. People need to unconditionally

They need

know

to

you!" But

fix

that

we approve

that's

are loved of

them

even when they miss the mark on occasion. They want to

know they

can count on our love and support no matter what

happens.

you

one

in

If

find that

you

are correcting or teaching

some-

every conversation, you probably need to adjust your

approach with people.

Be

I

It I

the change

have to admit,

was not that

I

I

fell

you want

to see.

into this habit with

my own children.

thought there was anything wrong with them;

just recognized that as a parent there

so

is

time to

little

impart wisdom into their lives before they are living on their

own.

I

wanted

to

pour into them

myself using every

One day still

believe

realized that

I

it is

to listen to

my wisdom

be.

into them;

doing

will learn

as possible.

I

found

my approach was instill

out of balance.

I

wisdom and impart good

believe that

it is

just as important

them, learn from them, and enjoy them as the peo-

God made them to

moment

I

much

as a teaching opportunity.

important to

my children, but

values to

ple

moment

as

it.

some

So now I

life's

still

teach

them and impart

just don't spend every

In addition,

of

I

I

waking

have grown to accept that they

lessons on their own.

To make the most of our relationships with others, we have to balance our expectations of them with the grace of allowing

them

to be

who they are. You may think you

145

have the

Love ^our Life perfect solution to

someone

you want only the

best for them,

them get

However, don't

so.

Don't try to

fix

you

feel justified in telling

into the trap of feeling

fall

your point across or teach

tion.

and because

else's inadequacies;

you need

to

every conversa-

a life lesson in

them. Instead, just relax and enjoy your

relationship.

When we start"fixing" every o?ie around we miss

the true riches

from those

Katherine was in her

who was

late

to

gain

relationships.

twenties

fresh out of college,

made some mistakes

we were meant

us,

came

early in her

when her younger

to live

life

with

her.

and wanted

to

sister,

Katherine

make

sure

her younger sister didn't follow the same path. She wanted to help equip her for

trying to

life as

show her

the right

relationship, but the

had

a

best she could, so she

younger

second mother! She

to go.

The two had

a great

sister started feeling like

felt like

right because the older sister ter

way

was constantly

she

she couldn't do anything

was constantly showing her

a bet-

way.

One day tears, sitting

Katherine came

home

to find her

on the bed next to her packed

younger

sister in

suitcase.

"What's wrong?" asked Katherine.

Her

sister

so broken.

My

At that hard on her

looked at her, and through her sobs

whole

moment sister.

life is

said, "1 feel

one big mistake!

Katherine realized that she had been too

"You're not broken," she

146

said. "I

am."

Enjoying Rich Relationships Years

later,

they were able to laugh about

because iron-

it,

the younger sister caught herself approaching her

ically,

own

daughter in the same way.

The truth around

is

we have

been guilty of trying to

all

my mother used to say, pour my knowledge into

us. In fact

your head and couldn't,

"If

it, I

and neither can

I

.

.

.

I

fix

those

could open up

would/' But she

and neither can you!

We have to give others the grace to learn on their own. No one wants to hear could have done

it

"I told

better

you

if

so," or

only you had listened to me." Give

people the grace to learn in their truth and allow others to they're not ers

all;

and

be reminded that "You

make

own

way. Balance grace and

their

own

even

choices,

if

what you would have chosen. Remember, love covin relationships, love

and acceptance are what build

the bridges between our hearts.

•n

Don't fall into the trap offeeling you need point across or teach a

life

God

to

built

desires for

you

to

get your

lesson in every conversation.

have deep, lasting relationships

on mutual understanding and having

realistic expecta-

tions of each other.

A good relationship is really just a decision. Whether your boss refuses to affirm

you

in a social outing

your birthday

you or your

—even

if

your

—you must make

close friend didn't include sister forgot to call

a choice to

simply adjust your

view of that person and what you expect from him or Every day we have the opportunity

147

you on

to prove

her.

our compas-

Love Your Life

sion. Either

can

we can go around

angry, holding a grudge, or

go of offenses and put ourselves

let

in the

we

other person's

shoes and he more understanding.

God

desires for built

you

to

have deep, lasting relationships

on mutual understanding and having of each other.

realistic expectations

I

a

once read

very

difficult

extremely

a story

time in her

close,

a

woman who was

going through

life.

Her mother, with

whom

about

passed away from

sudden heart

a

she was

attack.

She

was devastated by her mother's death, and the pain was so

overwhelming that she

didn't think she could get over

it.

Dur-

ing her grieving period, she would force herself to get up in the

morning

to get her

young son ready

husband breakfast before he went

to

for school

work.

and make her

Many

close friends

sent beautiful flowers, wrote meaningful condolence cards, and

reached out with

needed

to write

a

loving hand to the family. She

thank-you cards

to all the people

shown such kindness and compassion

to her,

knew

she

who had

and eventually,

she got to the point where she was strong enough to do that. It

took her several days, but every morning after getting

her son and husband out the door, she sat table

at

the dining

and wrote the notes, pouring her heart out

who had been

to the

room

people

there for her during this difficult time. Writing

those notes became a time of healing for her as she reflected on

her

life.

them

After four or five days, she finished the notes, gave

to her

husband, and

said, "If

L48

vou

will mail these for

me

Enjoying Rich Relationships

tomorrow

at the office,

I

can

now

my

start living

life

my mother/' He took the letters and said, "Of course One morning

few weeks

a

tennis bag lying on the floor. nis after

he

left

the

office,

preparing his tennis bag as

later she

picked up the bag and tossed

will."

I

saw her husband's

Her husband always played

and she thought, I

without

have always done it

need

J

to start

before.

onto the bed to get

ten-

So she

ready for

it

the next day. She noticed a big bulge in the side of the bag and

husband probably

figured her

the side pocket.

As she reached

wasn't a dirty T-shirt,

written

left

it

some

old sweaty T-shirts in

into the bag, to her surprise,

it

was the bag of thank-you notes she had

—her husband had never mailed them. Standing there

looking at the bag, she

She thought, loves me,

why

important

to

How

felt

her heart break into a million pieces.

could this matter so

didn't he

remember

me? As she

to

little to

him?

If

he

do something that was so

stood there sobbing, her husband

walked into the room and saw the bag of notes in her hand.

With

a look of shock

mail them."

on

his face,

he

it

took to

make

take the day off and hand-deliver

knew he had made

a mistake

She was devastated time.

make him

...

I

forgot to

He instantly began apologizing and telling her that

he would do whatever

same

"Oh my

said,

She

felt

she

the notes himself.

all

sad,

and angry

felt.

After

somehow

important to

her. Nevertheless,

into his face,

and with an accepting all,

she

all,

heart, she

punish him

149

in

this

made it

for

all at

managed

she thought, what would

their relationship to

He would

had every right to rant and

feel as horrible as

to forgive. After

to her.

and was extremely sorry

—shocked,

that she

up

it

He it.

the

rave, to

was so to look

the choice

really benefit

her time of anger and

Love Your

hurt?

What would

it

gain

in the

Life

long run

make him

to

suffer

even more for his mistake?

Disappointments are for a season, but our relationships are for a lifetime.

At that moment, her husband saw her

was

—

compassionate, forgiving

a

matter what, and

We

who would

must understand

who

for

women who

she really

loved

him no

forgive unconditionally.

that our disappointments are for a

season, but our relationships are for a lifetime.

Choose Love

We

all

have

a

choice in

how we

we respond

to the people

The woman

in the story

this season in

her

life

deal with our anger and

who have

hurt and disappointed

had the wisdom

was temporary, but

with her husband would

how

last a lifetime.

to

us.

understand that

that her relationship

She chose

to focus

on

the long-term aspects of her relationship rather than the

short-term gratification she

may have

felt

by responding

in

anger.

Our

relationships are precious, valuable treasures from

heaven, and for

ways

we should handle them

carefully,

always looking

to build bridges to each other's hearts.

L50

It is

so impor-

Enjoying Rich Relationships

we choose

tant that

on the long-term

to focus

decisions instead of the gratification of the

effects of

moment.

She understood the power of her words and the

lasting

they could have on her husband and their relationship.

effect

She chose I

our

love.

often hear people say that

matter.

I

actions, not words, that

it is

think both matter, especially

God spoke

when you

consider that

the universe into existence with His words. In the

same way, we can

create or destroy with ours.

It is

important to

understand that our words, while only puffs of sound, can have

a

deep and permanent

we choose

strife or

effect.

we choose

Our relationships

When we choose our words,

love. It is that simple.

are precious, valuable treasures

from heaven and we should handle them

There

is

a story

about a

little

carefully.

boy who had

a

bad temper.

His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time

he

lost his

have to

The

temper and lashed out with

hammer

first

day

he would

a nail into their beautiful white picket fence.

after the father

young boy drove

his words,

made

this deal

eight nails into the fence.

with his son, the

Over the next few

weeks, however, as the boy learned to control his anger, the

number

of nails he had to

decreased. Finally the day

temper

at all.

He was

hammer

each day drastically

came when the boy

didn't lose his

so proud of himself, so he told his father

about his accomplishment. The father put his arm around his son,

walked him out to the

fence,

151

and

told the

boy

to

remove

a

Love Your Life

nail for

passed nail.

each day that he didn't lose his temper. Quite a while

when

young boy was

finally the

As soon

as

he finished, the boy ran to

The dad hugged

the

little

boy and

remove

able to

that last

his father.

tell

"You have done

said,

so

well at keeping your temper in check, and I'm proud of you, but I

want you

The

to see something."

father took the

young boy by

the hand and walked

over to the fence. "See

The

all

these holes in our beautiful fence?" the father asked.

boy nodded

little

"That fence

you say things

his head.

never be the same," the father

will

in anger, those

words leave

said.

"When

scars just like the

our fence. You can pull the nails out, but the

nail holes in

marks are deep and they are permanent. The same goes words.

you

won't matter

It

can't take those

The boy's eyes ful fence,

now

how many

scars are

with tears as he looked

course let's

I

father smiled at his son and gave do, son,"

think before

he

said.

we

won't hurt someone

"Of course

and

I

young married

there."

at the beauti-

I

I

put in you."

him

do. But,

hug. "Of

a big

from now on,

speak, and always speak so our

words

else."

Love doesn't just happen

Joel

still

riddled with holes.

"Please forgive me, Daddy, for the holes

The

our

times you say you're sorry,

words back, and the

filled

for

— we must choose

it.

were young when we married, and couples,

we had

to

152

make some

like

most

big adjustments.

Enjoying Rich Relationships

Although we were head over heels were learning

—some

creep in

small,

some

large

began affecting the way

tations

Sometimes

to live together.

band. Sometimes

I

I

we

in love, quite simply,

would

irritations

—and before long those

communicated with

irri-

my hus-

chose words that were insensitive or

unkind.

months

Several

into our marriage, Joel and

agreement, and instead of letting agree,

I

something that

said

I

those words really hurt him. conversation; he simply

left

a dis-

go and just agreeing to

it

knew

had

I

I

He no

shouldn't have.

I

dis-

could see

longer wanted to finish the

the room.

As

I

sat there,

I

pondered

what had just happened. was then that

It

spirit.

Even

as

I

I

felt

God

deep

down

in

my

He

spoke them into

my heart. He

you

don't change your words, you're going to

man you

married. Your words are going to cause

said, "Victoria, if

him

me

am writing these words, they are as real to me

today as they were the day

change the

speak to

to build a wall

around

his heart

and that

will

change the

foundation of your relationship."

my heart and tears began to well in my eyes. I was crushed at the thought of destroying my relationship with my husband. dearly loved him; loved his Those words instantly pierced

I

I

gentle I

spirit,

and

I

didn't

want him

chose to love Joel exactly the

Somehow I had little

to change.

At

me

relationship

slipped into focusing

on the wrong

it

we

made

had. Right then

I

little irritations

153

I

things,

allowed them

threatened the beautiful

to such a degree that

overlooking those

moment,

way he was.

things that were not even significant, yet

to upset

that

and

the decision to start to begin focusing

on

Love Your Life unconditional love and acceptance in our relationship. Instead of getting upset,

I

took the time to understand

to see his side of things.

I

my

husband and

chose to magnify the good qualities in

him.

As

I

began overlooking those

responded the same way. The more

more he good

in

treats

me

like his

I

little irritations, Joel

treat Joel like a king, the

queen. The more

focus on the

I

him, the more he focuses on the good in me.

We have grown together. We have learned together, and, as far as

I

am

concerned,

we have

built the best relationship in the

world. I

dle

learned an important lesson that day; that

we must han-

our relationships with great care and that love doesn't just

happen

—we must choose

it.

Keeping the Connections

Novelist Katherine

Anne

Porter once wrote, "Love

learned, and learned again; there

is

no end

not remain the same year after year; love

to

is

it."

must be

Love should

supposed to grow.

Relationships evolve over time, people change over time, and

our love should strengthen and grow over time, tle

Paul prayed that our love

If

The Apos-

would abound and grow

edge and depth of insight. That love on autopilot.

too.

we put our

tells

me

that

I

in

knowl-

cannot put

my

love on autopilot and trust that

the people in our lives will simply

154

know

that

we

love them, our

Enjoying Rich Relationships

grow

relationships will not

were intended

or will not be as fruitful as they

to be. That's

why

make

so important to

it's

every effort to keep strong connections in our relationships. Several years ago ministry, our lives to

make an

became

Joel

fuller

and

assumed leadership

I

and more complicated.

we found

we looked

directions, so

we weren't

careful,

we

for

moving

ourselves

nection

times

we

ways

to keep a strong connection.

could find ourselves breezing right by

a

we do

passed.

We

are both

going on, but whenever placed on hold for a

we

how we

busy people.

same

in the

I

moment while we

make

I

I

by each other times

some-

connect, but that

We

both have

connect.

it

their beds with

When we

a

is

take

them

ways

know my

heart

I

When at

they

night and

Now that they are older, they don't to keep the conis

open toward

can to create an atmosphere of love and

home. Sometimes just

is

a lot

helps keep our hearts

so I've found other

way to

when I walk by

moment and

on

sure they

do what

security in our

sit

stories.

want that anymore,

them, and

high-five,

direction.

would

them bedtime

nections.

a con-

just as important with our children.

is

were younger, read

make

to

see each other, everything else

time to keep our connections strong,

This

hand.

—

Sometimes we

not important

lips. It's

connect.

moving

at

quick "I love you"; occasionally he'll plant a kiss

my

on

right

chose to acknowledge each other

—each time we

it's

We had

in different

each other, our minds preoccupied with the tasks Instead,

at the

extra effort to connect with each other throughout

the day. Oftentimes

If

when

a simple smile as

we walk

say "You're important to me." Some-

their rooms,

I

poke

my head inside for a

say "I love you," then close the door.

155

I

also

do

lit-

Love Your Life

tie

things like putting notes in their lunchboxes that say

"You're the greatest.

Leaving notes tions.

When

is

think you're so special."

I

wonderful and easy way

a

Joel travels

without me,

socks just to say "I love you."

in a drawer,

sion remote control as

put

little

notes in his

have also been known to put

I

may want

photos of us in his suitcase. You

around the house,

I

keep connec-

to

under

to leave sweet notes

a pillow, or

on the

televi-

reminders to the people you love

little

that they are valuable to you.

Recreational activities are another tions in our family.

It

we wanted

a family.

do as

to

used to be

a

it

down and put

together,

we

it

Now we

in the jar.

You as

may want to little

.

.

.

and

have

a jar in the

kitchen

for a family activity,

we

Then when we have time

pull an idea out of the

interesting for our children

the connec-

challenge figuring out what

and every time someone has an idea write

way we keep

jar. It

for Joel

makes and

me

it

fun and

as well.

leave sweet notes around the house

reminders

to the

people you love that they

are valuable to you.

I

encourage you to take time with your family. Eat meals

together.

Have

a

date night with your husband. Joel and

reserve every Friday night just for us.

every Friday night, but

we always spend

We may it

I

not go out

together and with-

out distractions.

We realize how important is to get out of the same old fresh. Sometimes we like to surprise rut. We have to keep it

it

L56

Enjoying Rich Relationships

One

each other on our date nights.

would not

him where we were

tell

sorts of questions.

get there?"

time

To

"What do

his surprise,

going.

wear?

I

I

How

took Joel out, but

He

kept asking

long will

I

all

take to

it

took him to a local amusement

I

We had the best time! He could not wait to go back.

park.

Do something spontaneous

Do

or have a picnic in the park.

when you were

dating.

with your spouse; ride go-carts the things

you used

to

do

Keep the connections with your words,

with your heart, and with your actions.

You can connect with anyone with tionship.

Not long

ago, Joel preached a

encouraging words.

He

whom you have a rela-

message on the power of

how a

told the story of

aged each person in the

make

class to

a

list

teacher encourof the positive

things he or she saw in the other students. Years

later,

one of

the students joined the military and was killed in the line of duty. let,

When they recovered his body and looked inside his wal-

they found several

than

five years,

his classmates

neatly tucked inside. For

lists

he had cherished those wonderful sentiments

wrote about him.

The next week

after Joel taught that message, as

preparing for a family

trip,

saw that

was

from

opened mine,

I

Her note

"What's in your wallet? I just wanted to

what and

I

see in you."

like that

it

a note

soldier did,

Those words meant so much

to

I

will

me.

I

was

my

When

I

Joel's sister, Lisa. tell

She wrote the most wonderful things

young

I

noticed two envelopes on

I

desk, one addressed to me, the other addressed to Joel.

read:

more

to

you me,

always cherish them.

was touched that

Lisa

took the time to put into practice the teaching that she received. It

takes time and effort to maintain the connections in our

157

Love Your Life

relationships.

disconnect.

When someone

One

can be tempted to

most common mistakes we make

of the

someone the

give

we

offends us

silent

treatment as

a

means by which

is

to

to dis-

connect. I

heard

night the since the

about

a story

man and man

wife were

want

didn't

"Wake me up

ing,

couple

a

who had

to give in

first,

he

at six o'clock in the

was about

go find his wife and give her

o'clock;

left

note say-

a piece of his

noticed a note on his side of the bed that read,

mind

"It's six

wake up!"

disconnect by giving

someone the

all

faced the temptation to

silent treatment. After

married to Joel for more than twenty-one years, is

a

and was furious. He

at eight o'clock

At one time or another, we have

that

her

morning/' The next

man woke up

when he

big fight. That

not talking to each other, and

still

morning, the to

a

not the best

way

let

not good to go to sleep

It's

have learned

to handle a disagreement.

The Scripture encourages, "Don't your anger."

I

being

the sun go

mad and

down on

frustrated,

because you'll wake up with that same anger and frustration

you went

to

well anyway.

ment by

bed with

— and you probably won't sleep very

You may not have

the resolution to the disagree-

the time the evening comes, but

you can disagree and

still

if

you

will learn that

be friends, you will enjoy your rela-

tionships a whole lot more. I

have

a friend

her husband are

who

still

tells

mad

at

me

that

sometimes when she and

each other

at

bedtime, right before

she goes to sleep, she will simply say to him, are wrong, and I

I

mentioned

love you. in

Good

"I

am

right,

night."

an earlier chapter that Joel and

15S

you

1

have

— Enjoying Rich Relationships

decided that

it's

okay

to agree to disagree.

ing experiences for a couple different people

who

is

One

of the

most

free-

two

to recognize that they are

see things differently and

love each other and stay connected. Just because

who

can

you have

still

a dis-

agreement with your friends or family members does not

mean

to eye.

the

you

see eye

a difference of opinion.

Having

there are not plenty of other areas on which It

just

means you have

same heart and the same goal

nection.

There

will be times

decision or subject, but

support each other, and

what maintains

is

we do

a

good con-

not always agree on every

we should always

believe in each other,

move forward through

life

together

connected. First Corinthians,

Chapter

13, says that love bears all things

and that love believes the best about

when your spouse ings,

you

a little short

17

That means

with you or hurts your

don't react with harsh words or pout. Instead,

"He must be having

hard day, because

feel-

you say

that's

not

him/' This principle works with every person in your

life.

to yourself, like

is

a person.

Choose

to see the best in

them even when they

your children and stay connected

act unlovable.

mile with your coworker, even

Choose

to

magnify the good

Stay connected and watch

It's

If

we

a

okay

if

Choose

to

go the extra

she doesn't return the favor.

in others

and overlook the bad.

how your relationships will

to

to

improve.

agree to disagree.

are going to create a heaven-on-earth atmosphere in

our homes or a peaceful environment in the workplace, or

159

Love Your

Life

have strong relationships with our friends,

we must choose

to

stay connected on a daily basis.

way former

like the

I

explained

She

it.

First

said that true love

moment gazing

every waking

Lady Abigail Adams once not based on spending

into each other's eyes, but rather

same

casting our gaze in the

is

direction.

When we

strong connections and share the love that inside each

one of

ships were

meant

God

maintain

has placed

enjoy the richness that our relation-

us, we'll

to bring. Let

me

encourage you to do your

part to keep the connections. Be quick to forgive, don't keep score,

but do have

realistic expectations.

pointments are only for a lifetime.

a season,

Remember, the

but our relationships are for

As you allow others the freedom

made them

to be, you'll

your journey together

disap-

to be

who God

enjoy your relationships more and

will be happy, healthy,

and whole.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS /

will

am

have

realistic

expectations regarding those with

in a relationship.

grace

to

I

will

choose

make mistakes and

to see the best, give

whom

I

them the

the freedom not to be perfect. •

/

will

make every

relationships.

time for those express

my

effort to keep strong connections in

will not put

I

1

love.

I

my

love on autopilot.

will hless

them with

feelings with hugs, kisses,

160

and

my

I

will take

words.

smiles.

my

I

will

Enjoying Rich Relationships

I

realize

it's

content.

I

not up to any other person to keep

me happy and

my own happiness and inner strength for my source of ful-

will take responsibility for

depend on

my

God-given

fillment. •

I

will not keep

an account of the wrongs done

my

life. I'll

me.

I

will keep in

not be easily offended and go to sleep holding on

to

anger and frustration. attitude. I realize

what I give

to

admire and love about the people

an account of the things

as

I

my

what

I

will start each

day with a fresh new

relationships are just as

much about

I receive. •

I

acknowledge that

others disappoint

my

choose

words

my

relationships are for a lifetime.

me and

don't

carefully.

I

bridges to the hearts of those

meet

my

expectations,

will be full of I

When I

will

mercy and build

love.

•

J

recognize that

one

can't

to be a certain

When God

I

I

make people

way.

treat people the

I

change.

I

can't force

some-

can only be a model for change.

way I want them

uses to bring about change.

161

to be, that's the

seed

9

Discovering

What Others Need

Sometimes minor adjustments make

people can

relationships.

a

major difference

And your

the quality of your

in

your approach

in the quality of

to

your

relationships have a direct impact on

life.

You can have

all

money

the

in the

world, a great job, and wonderful opportunities in front of you,

but

if

you

don't have good relationships, you're not going to

enjoy your

life

the

way God

making the most of your

relationships

adapt to the people in your

long time. In

fact,

I

One

intended.

life. I

is

of the keys to

learning to study and

have been studying

can remember studying

him

Joel for a

as early as

our

second date. Joel

came over

wasn't the

last

kitchen as

I

time

my

to I

house for dinner

cooked for him!

We were

talking in the

was putting the finishing touches on the

started asking

him question

after question

tures in the Bible because, after

and I thought he'd want ingly,

— and no, that

to talk

all,

salad.

I

about various scrip-

he was John Osteen's son,

about spiritual things. Surpris-

he didn't seem too interested. At one point in the conver-

sation,

I

probably

asked

him about

know where

that

a specific scripture is

and

found," and handed

163

said,

him

"You

a Bible.

Love Your

Life

began flipping through the pages, but before long, he put the

Joel

down without even answering my

Bible

was stunned!

I

that

found!

is

Joel said

I

said, "I can't believe

thought you'd be

I

Bible trivia question.

you don't know where

a spiritual giant."

nothing and just grinned

me

at

as

we

carried

on

with the evening. I

all

found out

the day after our dinner, he jokingly told

later,

his friends that

I

had called him

course that wasn't exactly true, but that's the

remember But

me

how remember I

was not out

that Joel

it is

had read his Bible every day since he was

more about a

Scripture than

ily

I

life.

I

a little

person says, but what he does and

how

to impress

boy and knew not always

It's

how he

his character.

took every opportunity to study

and

likes to

later realized Joel

I

ever imagined.

I

communicates the most about ing,

way he

Of

it.

with fancy words and lofty knowledge.

what

midget.

a spiritual

does

it

that

As we began

dat-

how Joel

treated his fam-

he talked about his friends and the people in his

how

observed

disciplined he

on time everywhere he went.

I

was and how he was always

noticed

how

he would always

lend a generous hand to the people around him.

I

took note of

the people he surrounded himself with and the things he

enjoyed doing.

I

paid special attention to

talked to me, and he

example meant more quote

a

It's

was always consistent to

me

than

whole book from the

if

life.

he treated

me and

in his actions. His

he would have been able to

Bible.

important to really study and

allow into your

how

know

the people

Actions speak louder than words.

single today, take the time to watch

L64

a

person's

life

It

you

you are

before you

Discovering

give

him your

heart. If

you

What Others Need

are considering a business deal, take

time to learn the character of the person you are dealing with before

you make

When

questionable character issues

Ask

attention.

a

commitment. Don't ignore the red

yourself,

"Could

flags.

show up repeatedly pay

this be telling

me something

I

need to know in the future?"

The key you allow

to loving relationships

into

your

them

marry him,

knew he was

and

I

in the future.

studied everything

a half

humanly

we

dated.

possible,

I

well the people

and under-

whom you are in a relationship, you can

better adapt to

marry.

know

to

When you know

close circle.

stand the people with

I

is

I

felt

did

Joel

the kind of person I

could about

my

and

as

I

wanted

to

the year

much

could live with what

I

me to

asked

him during

research,

certain

about him for the rest of

Even before

I

as

is

knew

my life.

Don't go into a marriage relationship thinking, As soon as

we

tie

the knot, then

remember

my

I

can change the person

am

marrying.

father always saying to me, "Victoria,

don't like something about the person

don't think

I

you

I

you

if

are going to marry,

you can change him when you

get married;

it

will

probably only get worse." Don't go into a serious relationship thinking you have the power to change that person, because is

unrealistic

and not

fair to that

Someone asked me one time perfect for me,"

when

I

person. if

Joel

answered. Marriage

was is

a

perfect. "Yes,

willing to study and learn about the people in

After

that can

make

more than twenty-one years

165

a

he

is

commitment even

circumstances are not always perfect. However,

make minor adjustments

it

your

if

life,

you

are

you can

major difference.

of marriage,

I

am

still

Love Your

studying and adapting to

made as

a

you

huge difference

he does to me, and

have to be willing to be a

job that takes

you may need friend had a

to

life,

and you

and change with them.

flexible

him out

of

town more

If

your

often, then

make some adjustments. Maybe your

new baby and she

can't

has

it

our marriage. As long

in the quality of

things are going to change in your

live,

spouse gets

Joel, as

Life

best

meet you regularly

for

lunch like she did before the birth of her child. Have you noticed your boss took on tle

extra help on

lives

responsibility and needs a

Monday mornings?

willing to change,

our

more

we

will

If

we

will be flexible

lit-

and

have greater relationships and enjoy

more.

You can make minor adjustments that can

I

a major difference.

encourage you to study the people

friends, likes

make

your

and

boss,

dislikes.

life:

your

your spouse, your children. Notice

their

in

your

Notice what frustrates them and observe

what makes them happy. What do they need, or they best respond?

When some

to

what do

people are stressed out, they

need encouragement; others need space.

Some

people need

compliments and affirmation, while others simply need time. There's

your

life. If

you have

no

one-size-fits-all

you're going to get

to study others

and

then do your best to provide that says,

"What

can

I

way

to relate to the people in

more out find out

it.

We

a little

of your relationships,

what they need

— and

should have the attitude

do to get along better with the people

66

in

What Others Need

Discovering

my life?" not "How can change my boss?" or "How can my husband to treat me better?" I

Turn

around and ask yourself, "What can

it

will help other people

I

do?"

get

I

If

you

with their needs, God will use that as

a

seed to meet your needs. I

always chuckle to myself, because

Joel's routine.

his message, is

I

know what day he

and

I

it. I

know when he

what he

is

is

precise. In the

morning

for school, so

don't spend

I

studies to prepare to write

how

is

know when he

going to take to

that.

He

am busy much

is

and

office

highly disciplined and

getting our children ready

We

time with Joel until lunch. I

can,

I

will

go downstairs

eat lunch with him.

If we will be flexible

and willing

greater relationships

A

few years ago,

I

Joel.

That was great

however,

down

is

to

change,

we will have

and enjoy our lives more.

thought that lunchtime would be the

perfect opportunity to

sit

it. I

long he

both work from home, so whenever

and

my watch by

going to come out of his

going to do after

I

can set

know what day he writes

going to break for lunch and

eat

I

sit

down and spend some time with

Monday through Wednesday.

the day he writes his messages, and

to join him,

I

never said anything to

when I would

noticed he was not very talkative.

me

actions that he didn't really ish his lunch

Thursday,

and go back

He

by

his

want any company. He would

fin-

about

it,

but

I

could

to his office to continue

tell

working on

the message he was preparing to present that weekend. After

167

Love Your Life

happened

this

talking during

mind on If

his

a

few times,

Thursday lunches, because he wanted

message and not

had not been

I

realized that Joel didn't enjoy

I

keep his

to

lose his focus.

in the habit of

studying

learn about what's important to him,

I

Joel

and trying

to

could have easily become

offended by his lack of interest in conversation during lunch. could have started saying things like "You never

me"

"You never consider

or

myself

my

to take offense at the

feelings/'

way he was

I

make time

true. Joel

toward me, which

treating me. But that

telling

me

did

I

he didn't want to hurt

realize that

lunch on Thursdays, but

it

I

knew

to eat

about

it.

Joel noticed,

wasn't that big of

was

a

though, and he told

that

I

I

showed

a deal for

especially since they

huge

it

by

wasn't about what

deal to him.

was willing

It

me

to give

life.

how much

him and

his time.

up those lunchtime

Joel that

I

— but

it

honored him and

what he needed.

Scripture says to live considerately. the other people in your

later

a big deal

were usually quite short

showed

to adapt to

me

respect for

/

stopped coming

I

with him on Thursdays and didn't make

he appreciated the way

—

feelings

there was no point in getting

was about what he needed. So

down

talks

my

he did not want company for

upset or trying to change the situation;

It

would not

he would rather eat lunch alone on Thursdays.

Not only

needed,

it

marvelously thoughtful and loving

is

why

is

for

could have allowed

wouldn't have accomplished anything, and frankly,

have been

I

You have

to consider

Study them and make the neces-

sary adjustments so you can have healthy relationships. For

example when your spouse comes home work and driving

in

rush-hour

traffic,

168

after a long

day

at

don't just hand the kids

Discovering

over to

him when he walks

What Others Need in the door

going to the mall. Wait until he

and then yet,

if

let

you

schedules,

We may pick

will let it

also

can

him know

make

a

tell

able to relax

is

him know you need

and

to

him you

and get

settled,

run some errands. Better

advance and plan

in

are

huge difference

for

it

your

into

both of you.

need to be considerate with our children. They

not want to answer twenty questions the minute you

them up from

school. Instead, wait until they have a snack

and pipe down, then ask them

how

their

day went.

If

you

will

look for the best opportunity and wait for the right time, you will

much more

have

success and

much

tension in your

less

relationships.

When I've had a busy day and need some time to recharge, Joel can usually sense

it,

so he'll take the kids out to dinner or

to their cousins' house, so

knows

that

I

like to take a

I

can have some time to myself.

hot bubble bath or get

or simply escape to the mall for a while.

It's

woman!

In

hour

at the

mall will do for a

need time to myself occasionally; Joel

is

although

the

it

to relax

likes to sit in his big chair in the

Fortune. Quite often,

my nails done

amazing what an all

seriousness,

I

reenergizes me.

same way; he needs time

when he wants

He

to

unwind

and recharge

as well,

his batteries,

he

bedroom and watch Wheel of

when he wants

to get his

mind

off things,

he plays outside with the kids or plays a game of basketball with some of the guys.

We have to be willing to give the people in our lives what may not necessarily be what we need. When need to be refreshed, Joel doesn't tell me to go play kickball in

they need, which I

the backyard with the kids.

He

doesn't say, "That's

169

what

I

do, so

Love Your

you should do his

mind, the

too." In a similar way,

it,

last

mall! Joel and

Life

thing

would suggest

I

know how important

I

each other's needs, so

when he needs

we make every

is

it is

for

him

to clear

go to the

to

to be considerate of

effort to study

and adapt

to each other.

When you

take the time to study the people in your

and learn their ways, you

Joel?

Now

when he tle

is

I

Remember

may

to

those lunches with

standing lunch date with him on

on me.

I

day

a

gave up

a lit-

a lot!

take time to learn and understand the needs of the

people with

make

a

free to focus his full attention

and gained It

to

have

have more opportunities

will

spend quality time with them.

life

whom

you

are in a relationship, but

the effort and be patient,

if

you

will

usually ends up working out

it

your advantage.

We have to

be willing to give the people in our lives what

they need, which may not necessarily be what

Not long

ago, Joel

California and that had

I

I

were

began sharing

happened

started laughing

and

to us

visiting with

his

the good part of the story, so

I

some

need.

friends in

funny story about something

a

during our

and nodding

we

travels.

One

head just as

I

of our friends

was getting

into

paused and asked, "Have you

heard this story before?"

when

"Yes," he answered. "Three minutes ago,

but please continue, because your version Joel didn't share half of those details

170

is

with us!

Joel told

much

it,

funnier.

What Others Need

Discovering

and

Yes, Joel

that one of us

communicate

I

differently.

better than the other;

is

we have

we're wired differently so

mean

doesn't

It

simply means that

it

how

to learn

to adapt to

each other's communication style. Over the years, I've learned that Joel doesn't like hearing every single detail of a story

even though said

it,

and

me

takes

do.

I

how

fifteen

I

want

they said

One I

it's

it.

this,

tell

time

and

faster

I

was enthusiastically

faster,

want

a story,

tell

same story

him every

it

in

detail,

something that

telling Joel I

was getting

noticed his eyes beginning to glaze over.

I

don't

I

who

said,

not always that easy.

thought was important, and just as

part,

when

Joel can tell that

try not to

I

what was

exactly

That's why,

minutes and

two minutes. Knowing although

know

to

but

it

to hear this;

any good.

didn't do I

can

tell

I

to the

good

began talking

Finally

I

said,

"You

because you are not even pay-

ing attention to me." It

by

wasn't anything he

his

said; it

body language that

minutes. At

first

I

had

I

try to

the adjustments in tell

(You and

I

him only

him

I

could

tell

after the first three J

am

of course that didn't

not telling

last,

so

I

just

my communication with him; now

I

the most important details of the story.

know he's missing the

his eyes glazing over, is

lost

got frustrated and thought,

him anything anymore. But

made

was how he looked.

I

real juicy parts!)

don't get upset.

going into detail overload, so

It's

just

When

I

see

my clue that he

adapt to his communication

I

style.

Maybe

you're reading this and thinking, Victoria,

would you change yourself

The truth

is,

in

why

order to please Joel?

I'm not changing

171

who I am;

I'm changing the

Love Your

way communicate I

want

husband.

I

best.

good

It is

so

I

Joel to

me

for

Another way

Life

can have a better relationship with

hear me, so

and good

adapt to the

I

improve your relationships and help the

to

The people

nicating your needs.

in

want or need. You should tell

When want to

you.

is

your

mind. You can't always expect them to

and kindly

know

out." All

I

need

me

is

what you

my

him

I

get

my

we

to the people in

just

work

it

Knowing in the

need and

I

keeps the tension

your

life

and show them

A lot of the tension in our homes and the pressures in if

we would

be more sensi-

and understanding. Relationships are

all

about learning. In marriage, we are

we

are learning to get

work

together; in friend-

learning to become one; in families, along; in business, ship, is

it

I

I

in

can appreciate each other.

our relationships could be avoided tive

to

thoughts out

have an understanding of what he needs,

respect.

and

him

tell

to lend a supportive ear.

listen as

out of our relationship and

I

me

open. Because Joel has an understanding of what

Be sensitive

like

problem.

out, because that will help

for

what you

them what helps you and what bothers

he does his best to

this,

exactly

respectfully express

your

can't read

life

advance, "I don't want you to try to solve to hear

by simply commu-

discuss something with Joel,

I

want you

listens

for him.

people around you understand you better

dislike,

way he

my

we

we

are learning to

a learning process,

more

are learning to

make allowances

a

one another.

and the quicker you embrace that

you'll enjoy the people

become

for

fact,

Life

the

around you. Start today and

student of your relationships so you will better

understand the people closest to you.

172

What Others Need

Discovering

One is

of the best

become

to

when we're

ways

good

a

listener.

We

can hear a

lot of things,

really listening, we're fully engaged.

talk to you, give

your

to learn about the people in

them your undivided

life

but

When people Look them

attention.

in

the eyes and have an interest in what they are saying.

One time we were on

vacation, having such a fun and

enjoyable time with our children, and just relax

said, " Isn't

I

it

great to

and not have to run around and do anything?"

Alexandra spoke up and

when Jonathan and

I

said,

"Yeah,

say something funny,

it's

great because

Dad

doesn't give us

his courtesy laugh."

"Courtesy laugh?

"You know tion

he

.

.

What

when

.

he's

does that mean?"

busy and not

and we say something funny, he just

is

asked.

I

really

paying atten-

says, 'Ha!' But,

relaxed, he always gives us a real laugh

when

and says some-

thing funny back to us."

One of the in

People can

want

to hear

respectful

your

tell

best

ways

become a good

life is to

when you

what they

and considerate

talking with someone,

them your undivided

about the people

to learn

are really engaged with

are saying. is

I

you should make every

attention. Stop

found

this to

them and

believe part of being

to listen attentively.

what you

few minutes and give the people in your I've

listener.

life

When you're effort to give

are doing for a

the gift of listening.

be especially important with children.

recognized early on that

I

my children have a need to be heard, so

173

Love Your Life

I

have learned

I

give

them the opportunity

their points of view.

respect

when communicating with them.

to be creative

It's

what they have

to share their feelings

important that they to say. That's so

than simply saying, 'The answer

and explain

know

much more

productive

—

no

is

value and

I

just because

said so!

I

I'm not saying that you have to justify every parenting

you say

decision or sugarcoat everything

you can always educational in

find a

way and

way

allow

to present

some

to

your point

dialogue.

If

your house, you know how important

heard; don't shut

them down with

Sometimes they don't even ply

want you

to listen to

dren and give them your confidence and making

The

if

"It's

God

will see to

it

you

God

to those

that

you

a

question and you

let

people.

is

when

a

best in return.

deep need to be

people are talking

finish their thoughts.

to say, but that's

someone

them

finish

know

the answer before she fin-

ishes speaking, resist the tendency to

or her off with a "Here,

chil-

who need our time

You may already know what they're going

asks

your

are building their

we get His

them. Let them

let

to be

valued and loved.

valued and respected. This means that

okay; be considerate and

them

listen to

matter what the age, everyone has

to you, don't interrupt

for

they get their way; they sim-

full attention,

our best

you have teenagers

it is

When you

feel

in a positive,

not up for discussion."

closest thing to the heart of

attention,

No

them.

them

If we will learn to give

and

care

your children, but

me

174

tell

jump

anyway.

in

If

there and cut

you what

him

to do." Just be

Discovering

and

respectful

let

him

What Others Need

or her finish.

It's

not only a matter of

being considerate and investing good things into the lives of others, but

it is

When

them know you

really care.

run errands or go shopping,

I

hurry because it

letting

I

am

usually in a

have only a short time to get things done.

I

power shopping. You just get what you need and get

particular day,

and

dinner, talk to

me

I

was

in a

hurry

to get

had

me

to

to stop

it is

to give our best to those

that

we

a

good seed

God

is

people.

stop

call

One

out.

could

I

many

and engage, giving them

the closest thing to the heart of

it

so

pray for them. With so

not always easy, but

will see to

home

must have had three or four people

or ask

my mind, tion. It is

I

I

I

make

me

and

things on

my full atten-

to sow, because If

we

will learn

who need our time and attention, God

get His best in return.

Finding

Common Ground

We all encounter difficult people from time to time. You might even have had someone come to mind

word

" difficult/'

reason. peace,

Chances

And one way

to

are, that

person

overcome the

and continue working toward

common

at the

ground. Whether

a

is

mention of the

in

your

for a

negativity, keep the

mutual goal

a negative family

it's

life

is

to find

member,

a

hard-to-get-along-with coworker, or an unhappy person you

encounter can find

at the

grocery store,

common ground and

if

you make the

effort,

actually get along with

175

you most

Love Your Life

people. result

may

It

worth

is

Finding

take a

little

common ground to the

can involve just about anything

same

friend or shop at the

The point

like

same shoe

might be something

animals or have

store or like the

as simple as

when you

is,

you both enjoy the

college or

same hobby. Maybe you both

ground,

but the end

creativity,

it!

maybe you went

polish.

and

practice

mutual

a

same

foods.

having the same color are standing on

It

nail

common

turns the interaction in a positive direction and will

it

help you see eye to eye.

Sometimes finding common ground means saying nothing at all

and simply smiling so you can stand on the

ground of

peace. This

versation with

especially true

is

when

someone whose views you

times you have to

let

common

you're in a con-

don't share.

Some-

go of your need to be heard for the sake

of peace.

One

time Joel and

I

were talking

hadn't seen in a while, and the ries

and sharing

this

man,

this

man

I

is

man began

his strong opinions.

thought to myself, saying.

an acquaintance

to

J

As

telling us

Joel

The man went on and

him

on, and either,

stood there with his trademark smile on his this

man

time for us to leave and Joel and After

we walked away,

didn't give

him your

way he

the best

I

I

I

I

I

don't

know you

what

knew

Joel

but Joel just

nodding and

could. Finally

wished him

said, "Joel,

opinion.

face,

sto-

listened to

I

don't agree at all with

couldn't possibly be agreeing with

engaging with

and

some

we

it

was

well.

know why you

don't agree with

him." Joel said

something

to

me

I

176

will

never forget.

He simply

— Discovering

said, " Victoria, I

What Others Need

wasn't put on this earth

to straighten

every-

one out." I

knew he was

right. If

you

feel like

you have

to give

your

opinion every time you disagree with someone, you'll waste valuable time and energy that could be used in

more productive

ways.

That day not

it's

I

received

my job

wisdom

that will be with

everyone out.

to straighten

We

me

forever

need to learn

We don't have to say everything that we think all the time. We don't have to that other people have a right to their opinions.

be right or always prove our point. times

when

it's

Of

course, there

appropriate to share your views and

may

be

wisdom

with someone, but that's very different from constantly sharing your opinions. It I

works the same way

had a reporter ask

"Of course we

who

in

our family relationships. Recently,

me if Joel and

disagree, but

I

you

ever argue, and can't

I

answered,

argue with someone

won't argue with you, and Joel simply won't argue."

It's

not because he

long time ago that he

when we

don't agree

is

can't; Joel

simply made up his mind a

going to keep peace in our home, even

on something. Over the

years, we've dis-

covered an important key to keeping peace and unity between us

—we've learned

someone

to agree to disagree.

You

just because he doesn't feel the

about a particular subject, even

if

can't get

mad

at

same way you do

that person happens to be

common ground you find is that disagree. There have been many times when Joel

your spouse! Sometimes the

you agree and

on

I

to

have had to stop and

this,

say, "All right,

and we're not going

we

can't see

eye to eye

to keep going in circles over this

177

Love Your

We

issue.

Life

love each other, so we're just going to agree to dis-

agree in this situation." That's

Along those

lines, I've

End of story. End of discussion.

it.

discovered that

to try to resolve a situation in the heat of the

times

it's

better to let things cool off

before discussing

it

wrong sometimes

.

a

new

own thoughts and

—

perspective

can't help

I

it if

Joel's

.)

you'll go through

contrary to yours will

further. (Besides,

same way you do about a

the

their

.

and get

moment. Some-

mad at someone just because

You shouldn't get

If

any

not always best

it's

he doesn't feel

particular subject.

allowing other people to have

life

feelings

—even

you'll keep

if

they are completely

your joy and peace

improve your relationships and help you be

intact.

It

a blessing to

When you are kind and compassionate, and looking common ground, you have a much better chance of influ-

others. for

encing people's opinions and speaking into their

found that parties

know

is

if

become

in

most disagreements,

some

one of the

point,

going to change his or her view to the other's I

just wait long enough, eventually

Joel's idea,

and

it

what I'm talking about!

will

come

ership of an idea, that person

Remember,

it's

to pass.

In all seriousness,

solution be the other person's idea. is

time Ruth

a

more

it's

178

asked

if

side.

I

idea will

Women, you know it's

okay

to let the

takes

likely to get

common

Graham was

my

When someone

not about who's right;

and working together toward

One

at

lives. I've

own-

behind

about what's

it.

right,

goal.

she submitted to her

What Others Need

Discovering

husband, Billy Graham. She answered, "There's a time to sub-

my kind of woman. When we

mit and a time to outwit." She's study the people in our

lives

and make adjustments

to

meet

their needs, our relationships are going to be healthier

more rewarding. No matter how

different

and

your backgrounds,

no matter how different your views and opinions, don't allow those difficult people in your joy.

When you

how

it

look for

life

to frustrate

common

you

or steal your

ground, youTl be surprised

can turn around a difficult situation and even open the

door to greater opportunities.

Looking for common ground, you have a

much

better

chance of influencing people's opinions

and speaking into

I

heard

a story

their lives.

about a young

man who was

hired as a

was

starting as

server at an upscale restaurant. Even though he

an assistant waiter, he was excited about his job and the opportunity to eventually

become

a headwaiter himself.

covered that the headwaiter to difficult

woman. She was

was

turns out she didn't have

sarcastic

and condescending

tics

on

And

this

dis-

he reported was a very

a reason for her

much

competition

unusual suc-

—she was so

to all the other waiters that they

would usually end up quitting before they had promoted.

soon

the top producer and had built a

loyal customer base, but there cess. It

whom

He

a

chance to be

she was starting to use those same bullying tac-

young man. She would

intentionally

orders and do whatever she could to try to get

179

mess up

him

his

in trouble.

Love Your Life

The young man would not allow

this

needed

really

woman

his job, so

he decided he

to get the best of him.

He knew

the

easy route would have been to quit and find another job, but he chose to stay and try to win her favor.

One day he overheard

talking to one of her customers about her babies. himself,

/

didn't

know

When

found out those babies were actually her two

in his

He thought

to her.

The young man

home, and when he mentioned

it,

also

he

cats,

grew up with

after day,

about their quirky personalities. That young

he would

him

all

man found com-

He even

a

stayed at the restau-

to achieve his goal of advancing to headwaiter

himself! Because the

young man chose

rather than treating the

woman

the

to

way

sow

seeds of kindness

she was treating him,

God opened a door of opportunity, and the young man was to eventually reap a harvest of blessing in his

It's

a cat

and before long she and he had

wonderful working relationship.

enough

he

and they

ask her about her cats and listen intently as she told

mon ground with the woman,

did,

her face totally changed

and he saw an opening into her heart. Day

rant long

to

she had children. So he decided to wait for

the best opportunity to ask her about them.

meant the world

her

not about who's right;

it's

own

about what's

able

life.

right,

and working together toward a common goal

Sometimes we have

to

go that extra mile

ground with another person.

I've

to find

discovered that

the time to identify with the people

you

will take

you encounter throughout

the day, everything will go better, and your

180

if

common

life will

become

What Others Need

Discovering

more

pleasant.

Maybe you run

rude or slow checkout

clerk,

to get upset. Right then,

and you can

you have

react to her or respond to her. If to decide

unhappy waiter

into an

feel

react,

later.

respond, you choose your actions

But,

you're allowing her

when you choose

time you run into a

difficult person,

around that situation by finding some Recently it

I

to

—you can take the high road

and overlook the other person's negative

this to

make. You can

your actions and you'll probably end up doing or say-

ing something you'll regret

she took

yourself starting

a choice to

you

or a

attitude.

So the next

remember, try

common

to turn

ground.

shared this same principle with a friend and

to heart.

She

my life." Well,

"I'm really going to try to apply

said,

she got the opportunity to practice this

principle shortly after our conversation.

Sometimes we have

go that extra mile

to

common ground with

My

friend

was attending

to find

another person.

a conference out of

needed a ride from the convention center to the

town and

local airport.

The woman who was helping organize the conference to arrange a ride for

The woman warn you

You sonality. center,

my friend with someone who lived locally.

told her, "I've arranged a ride for you, but let

—Judy

see,

offered

is

your

me

driver."

Judy was known for her snippy, opinionated per-

When

the two

Judy opened with

even though the airport

women met "I is

outside the convention

guess I'm your ride to the airport,

far

out of

181

my way."

Love Your Life

As

my friend

loaded her luggage into Judy's hatchback,

she could think about was, This of

my

After

life.

a

going

is

all

be the longest ride

to

few minutes of Judy's complaining,

my

around and do whatever she

friend decided to turn the situation

could to communicate with Judy in a meaningful way.

my

Just then little girl

on Judy's key chain and

said,

love her curls." Instantly Judy's

girl.

I

said,

"She

name

friend noticed a snapshot of a curly-headed

is

is

cute, isn't she? That's

"What

a darling little

demeanor changed. She

my little granddaughter. Her

Emily."

my

"Emily?"

friend asked. "That's

my

daughter's name!

We named her after my grandmother." Judy became so excited that she almost drove the car off the highway. "You'll never believe

Judy shared.

The ity

"My

ride that

full

but Emily

it,

name

is

made an

positive

began so uncomfortably and

effort to find

woman. By

me.

come I'd

to

after

me!"

full

of negativ-

simply because

trip

common ground

with

my

a not-so-

the time they arrived at the airport, they

were buddies. Judy hugged ever

named

Judith Emily."

turned into a fun, chatty, positive

friend

is

my friend and said,

town again and need

a ride

be delighted to help you any

way

anywhere I

if

you

—you

call

"Listen,

can."

My friend found common ground that day and new opportunities

that

were opened

city,

to her for the future.

She made

a friend in

but more important, she showed love, respect, and

kindness to a

woman who

probably doesn't encounter that

very often.

When you

are considerate and listen to others,

L82

it's

amazing

Discovering

what

What Others Need

you'll discover about them, even

knew them

so well! Moreover,

when you thought you

when you show

kindness and

mercy toward someone, God can give you wisdom and new insights about that person. He'll help

you understand her bet-

you can be more compassionate.

ter so

share our opinions and cut people

when God

My

is

you

trying to bring

Let's

because you never

off,

know

into a divine connection.

was out looking

brother, Don,

not be quick to

for a

new

car

and

thought he found the one he wanted. The salesman was going to get his

him some

phone number

Don changed

A

soup

relax

his

to call

at

—

him

mind about

couple of nights

long day dle

additional information, so

work and

sat

his favorite

and was ready

later,

later on. Several

that particular

Don had

down

on

to a

when

just

gave the

man

days passed, and

car.

come home

after a

wonderful hot bowl of noo-

a cold night.

to dig in

Don

his

He was just

starting to

daughter came running

over with the phone. "Daddy, Daddy! There's someone on the

phone

for you."

Reluctantly

Don

took the

call,

only to discover

salesperson from the car dealership.

As soon

as

it

he said

the salesperson started going on and on about that car

looked

at

more than

as possible

and

said,

not big enough, and

a

week

ago.

Don was

"Thank you, but I

have changed

Don

said.

Don

hello,

Don had

trying to be as nice

I've decided that car is

my mind." The salesman

went on and on about how great the even heard what

was the

car was, as

if

he hadn't

just sat there staring at that

big bowl of noodles getting colder and colder, trying to be as nice as possible. "Sir, I've

changed

my mind about that car." 183

Love Your

The man continued you

like to talk

Don around

took

in his

with

to try to talk

my

sales

Don

into the

car.

"Would

manager?" he asked.

deep breath and had several phrases rolling

a

head when suddenly he heard himself say yes.

Immediately he thought, Did

moment

Life

I

During the

just say yes?

brief

of silence, he kept reminding himself to be nice and

courteous even though

all

he really wanted to do was to enjoy

his dinner.

The manager got on the phone and introduced himself and

want

said, "I just

to ask

"Thank you," Don

— mind about that

you

a question/'

replied, "but really,

The manager interrupted. "Are you

IVe changed

my

Victoria Osteen's

brother?" he asked. "Yes,"

Don

responded.

The manager continued, even

if

you don't want

find the car

mined bring

car,

you the very

get

pleasantly surprised.

to keep peace

him

go to Lakewood Church, and

that particular

you want and

Don was

"I

And

I

want

to help

you

best price possible."

because he was deter-

and be kind and courteous, God was able

a divine connection. Several

manager found Don the

car he really

weeks

later,

to

the sales

wanted and gave him

a

price he could hardly believe.

Had Don

flatly told the

salesman,

"I

am

sitting

down

to

dinner and can't be bothered right now," that would have been the end of the conversation and Don's blessing would have

gone

unfulfilled.

others, even

When we are

when we

willing to be patient and listen to

don't feel like

it,

the results will always

be positive and will far outweigh the inconvenience.

lv|

What Others Need

Discovering

we

Regardless of whether children, or a salesman to

show

we

others that

on the phone, we should always

common ground

strive

them and value them. Our

respect

when we

tionships will thrive

the

are dealing with our spouses, our

live considerately

rela-

and look

that unites us.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS /

I

will study the people in

will look for

easier, I

ways

to

my

life

and find out what they need.

support them and

make

their lives

focusing on giving them what they need and not what

need. •

I

will be willing to

and

my ways

home.

I

to

make adjustments and adapt my

show

and bring more harmony

respect

will be sensitive to the needs of others

what makes them happy.

make major

I

realize

plans to

my

and recognize

minor adjustments can

differences. •

I

realize that as

I

meet other people's

needs,

God will meet my

needs. •

When how

people talk to me,

I

will

honor them and

valuable they are by giving them

let

them know

my full attention.

•

J

will look for

my

life. I

ways

will focus

disagreements

to

to find

common ground with

the people in

on what we agree on and not allow our

separate

us. I will

not push

my

view, but let others be heard for the sake of peace.

185

point of

for

10



Being a People Builder

When I was Rule:

Do unto others

Golden Rule I

a child, as

I

remember learning about the Golden

you would have them do unto you. The

a great place to begin in

is still

recently read a children's book that put a

adage.

The premise

invisible bucket

—

of the story

yes,

we

all

when your bucket

bucket, and

new twist on

the old

was that we each carry an

have one! is full

and encouraged; when your bucket

our relationships.

is

you

It's

feel

an emotional

happy,

empty, you

feel

satisfied,

down and

discouraged. In this world, there are "bucket fillers" and

"bucket dippers."

A bucket filler is a person who adds to other

people by encouraging and investing in

and

actions.

When

find that their

bucket

own buckets

the other hand, are those

fillers

them with kind words

are investing in others, they

are filled up, too. Bucket dippers,

who take away from

on

people by using

harsh or negative words. They not only deplete other people's buckets but also diminish the contents of their own.

God

intends for us to be bucket

fillers,

using our lives and

resources to help people be the very best they can be.

about Peter, one of the disciples of lesus. said things

He was

I

impulsive; he

he shouldn't have and he needed to grow in a

187

think

lot of

Love Your

Life

areas. Despite Peter's personality drawbacks, Jesus referred to

him

in surprisingly positive terms.

rock." if

he

Simon

Peter's very

was becoming

—

our relationships.

life,

remind the people

tively about

wonder

some

of his

He spoke

potential and

and we should follow that example

Let's be

faults; instead, let's see

I

are a

reminded Peter of what he

a solid, stable rock.

confidence into Peter's

Let's not

"pebble," and

tiny pebble at times, especially after

felt like a

you

said, "Peter,

name meant

foolish blunders. Nevertheless, Jesus

in

He

bucket in

our

fillers,

not bucket dippers.

lives of their failures

the solid rock in

them and speak

and

posi-

what they are becoming.

Encouraging words are the glue that holds our relationships together.

What your

life?

you doing

Whether you

to

fill

the buckets of the loved ones in

you

are a natural encourager or

uncomfortable giving compliments, you possess

bit

ability to is,

are

we

all

make

I

one another, but we can

truly believe

one another

life

has a

truth

encouragement

is

one of the best tells

gifts

we

us to "Encourage

daily."

Throughout the

We

The

become great encour-

all

can give other people. The Scripture

aged.

unique

have different personalities and different ways of

relating to agers.

others feel better about themselves.

a

feel a

day,

we have

opportunities to get discour-

face difficulties; plans don't

way

of stealing our joy. That's

always work out; and

why we

need to get

in

the habit of encouraging one another daily. Every one of us

L88

Being a People Builder needs his or her emotional bucket to be

filled

up and

refilled

on

A simple compliment or a kind word can make

a regular basis.

someone's day!

Not only do

positive

that encouraging

words

lift

up

others, but I've

words are the glue that holds our

found

relation-

ships together. Looking back over the last twenty-one years in

my marriage, tions have

I

can see

bonded

how positive words and

Joel's

and

regular affirma-

my heart together and have caused

us to bring out the best in each other. We've learned the importance of encouraging each other daily

—not

through our

just

words, but through simple acts of kindness and finding ways to

make

life

easier for each other.

relationships,

and

believe

I

it

You can do the same

will

in

your

improve the atmosphere of

your household, your workplace, your community, and your world.

When you

bring out the best in others

and help them

come back

that success will

Sure,

you

it

succeed,

takes effort to be a great encourager, but

when

take time to encourage someone, that investment will

eventually yield a good return. others and help

them

you and cause you

When you bring out the best in

succeed, that success will

rise to

new levels. When you

God will make

come back

to

to rise higher, as well. Start encouraging

someone today with your words and

ers,

to you.

sure to

fill

fill

actions,

too,

can

the emotional buckets of oth-

your bucket.

189

and you,

Love Your

Life

Success Breeds Success

It's

important to recognize that the people closest to you need

your words of encouragement. Sometimes we compli-

to hear

ment

strangers or people

pliment our

own

barely

family members.

great job she did, but

Or when our

word.

we

know more than we com-

Well

when our spouse

tell a

coworker what

excels,

we

don't say a

children look nice, we're so used to

overlook them and miss that chance to encourage, but

we

see a coworker wearing a

how

great she looks.

own

family

We

members

as

outfit,

until

tell

her

should compliment and encourage our

much

we do

as

others.

you might

don't need to say anything to them,"

love them. She

I

knows

when

easy to take the people closest to us for granted.

It's

know

we're quick to

that

it

we

new

I

think he

it is

is

spoken.

a

knows

a great."

When you

say.

"I

"They

He

I

think she

is

beautiful.

But

a blessing

is

not a blessing

release those positive

words of

affirmation, they will have a positive effect in the lives of the

people you love. Your spouse, your children, and the ones you associate with

day

in

and day out need

approval and affirmation

people

you"

God

to

more than anyone

else.

your words of Don't take the

has given you for granted. Have you said

your spouse today? Have you

much they mean

to

told

you? Are you looking

compliment and encourage those vinced that

to hear

when we

put family

190

your children how

for opportunities to

closest to

first,

"I love

you?

when we

I

am

con-

take the time

Being a People Builder

and make the

effort to be

them our best, then improve

our family members and give

to

the other relationships in our lives will

as well.

heard about a

I

"

all

good

woman who

said to her

husband one

day,

Honey, do you really love me?"

He

me

looked at her strangely and

that?

I

you

told

that

thirty-five years ago. If

I

ever changes,

it

people in our lives

It

I'll

will

love

grew up

love you/'

make

a difference

home where we were

became very normal,

It

conversation.

phone,

in a

older brother

still

them

to say "I love you."

Joel

and

I

I

promise.

spoken.

constantly saying "I

the house or hang up the

says those words to me, and

own

hang up the phone with

their hearts,

it is

—

the

tire of

say "I love you." To this day,

rying on that tradition in our children

tell

just a part of our everyday

When we would leave

we would always

you know/'

let

them and never

A blessing is not a blessing until

I

married you

I

Every day we should

us.

how much we

expressing our appreciation.

Why would you ask

you the day

loved

not allow that to be

Let's

said, "

we

my

are both car-

families.

Every time our

me,

just natural for

Joel or

it's

That principle has been deposited

in

and now they are comfortable with those words.

lead

by example and hopefully Alexandra and

Jonathan will carry on this tradition of love in their families.

The phrase

"\ love

you" can never be heard enough

homes. Are there those close to you

words? Begin

to say

them

today.

191

who need

Maybe you

in

our

to hear those

weren't raised in

Love Your Life

environment, but

this kind of expressive

new

the one to start a

for generations to

You can

tradition?

come.

What

why

don't

you be

your family

affect

line

better legacy to leave than a

legacy of love, kindness, and encouragement?

People often compliment Joel after he speaks, saying some-

thing like "Joel, that message was really great. You've helped

change

ment

my

for him, but

much impact on As

Those are meaningful words of encourage-

life."

evening and

was

have learned they don't have nearly as

Joel as

a spouse, as a

greater weight.

I

when

I

my words of affirmation.

offer

family member, recognize your words carry

Sometimes

say, "Joel,

I'll

look over at Joel on Sunday

you're always good, but that message

especially great today."

I

know how important

ognize his hard work and dedication, so often specific point

ages

I

him and

liked in his message.

lets

him know

I

will

how

can see

I

I

it is

to rec-

mention

a

that encour-

appreciate his gifts and talents.

Even though he may have heard numerous compliments from other people that day, as his wife,

They

take deeper root because

my words have more impact.

God designed

it

that way.

The phrase "I love you" can never be heard enough in

On

the other hand,

our homes.

when you

don't use your words to

compliment and encourage, you're not taking advantage of the gift

God

has given you.

you but the other people rise as

in

And your

in the end, life

it

as well.

affects not

only

They may never

high as they should unless you speak words of faith and

192

Being a People Builder

Remember, the higher we help others

victory over them.

we

the higher

words

will go.

to encourage.

So

We if

have

you want

your love and encouragement I've

a responsibility to use

to those

who

always seen great things in

thought he could minister,

used to

I

tell

I

aggravated and

how to

say,

"Don't

sitting in the front

I

visualized Joel

up

tell

me

that, Victoria.

I

don't

know

preach."

kindness,

like

Before he ever

could see that talent in him. Joel would get

What better legacy

I

express

him, "One day you are

row, listening to Joel's father preach, but

there one day.

life,

our

are close to you.

Joel.

we were

going to pastor this church." Sure,

your

to love

go,

would

my

to

faith

than a legacy of love,

>

and encouragement?

tease him, "Sure

you preach

released

to leave

you

do, Joel. Just preach to

me!" Not only could by saying

it

see

I

it

them

in him, but

I

to him. Understand, Joel liked

being behind the scenes. He's naturally more quiet and reserved. Yet

somehow

as his wife,

and just knew that someday platform;

I

knew

pressure him. it

in

my

faith into

I

it

Joel

was going

I

was going

to happen.

wasn't trying to talk

heart, so

I

did

my

was given insight by God

him

it. I

simply knew

him and speak

him. To this day, Joel says that a major reason he was

heaven was because he had heard I

into

up on that

wasn't trying to

best to encourage

able to take over for his father after

what

I

to be

saw

in

him, and

me

Daddy Osteen went tell

how I believed he

193

him

so

could do

many it.

to

times

There was

Love Your Life

a

confidence and

boldness that was planted inside

a

and

Joel,

those seeds took root and burst forth at just the right time. Joel rose

Lip in faith

we could

and stepped out, and God has done more than

ask or think.

You have the power

to speak

words of

faith

and victory into

your family, and you must recognize the weight your words carry and the influence

The people approval

our inner

in

—they need

agement with one of something

on

my

I

you have on those

it. I

circle

not only want our

was discussing the power of encour-

my

friends one afternoon and she said

thought was right on. She shared,

husband,

can see a change in him.

I

occasion and strives to go to or say nothing at

all,

he's

new

levels.

You have the power

to

"When

He

more complacent and what

is

brag

I

rises to the

But when

the passion and enthusiasm to accomplish

into

closest to you.

I

nag

at

him

doesn't have in his heart."

speak words offaith and victory

your family, and you must recognize the weight your

words carry and the influence you have on those closest to you.

That's true for

all

of us.

Nagging only makes things worse,

but encouraging words put people on their feet and bring out the best in them.

Make

good things into the

your spouse gets

a

knew you could do

the most of opportunities to speak

lives of the

promotion it!

comes home with good

at

people around you.

When

work, take time to

say, "I

You're amazing!" grades, even

194

if

When

they are

your

less

child

than you

Being a People Builder

had hoped, don't be too busy

proud of you.

Way

When

to go!"

dinner for the whole family,

fifteen

your mother

am so

say, "I

fixes

Sunday

"Mom, I know that's

tell her,

of work, but your hospitality

coworker loses

and

to celebrate. Stop

means

so

much."

When

a lot

your

pounds, don't be jealous; congratulate her

with a compliment.

Encouraging words put people on their feet

and bring out

We

the best in them.

need to look for opportunities to use our words

build up the people in our lives. Rather than ple for

what they

are doing wrong,

doing things right

to

condemning peo-

let's strive

to catch people

—and compliment and reward them with

encouraging words. Your words of affirmation can draw people close to

you and add value

to them.

Use your words

to build

someone's confidence and watch what happens!

With our words we can help people selves. If

your

sister is really

good

her to use that talent. You might organizer. In fact,

see the best in

at organization, say,

"You

you could probably make

your organizational

skills. I'd

hire

you

them-

encourage

are such a great a business out of

for sure!"

That simple

expression of encouragement could cause your sister to believe in herself

and go

for her dreams.

Be that cheerleader

Constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to

and

talents,

fill

the

life.

Encourage them

and watch them go

to the next level.

tional buckets of those in gifts

in her

your

Understand, this form of encouragement

195

is

life.

emo-

in their

not generic. To

Love Your

we have

be effective, in

to take

Life

time to identify specific strengths

people and build on those with our words. Specific encour-

agement, however, doesn't need to be intrusive;

something

might include

it

acknowledging someone

as simple as

an honor-

in

able manner.

—

people doing things right

Let's strive to catch

and compliment and reward them with encouraging words.

me from

Years ago, a friend was visiting

during her ily,

stay,

I

introduced her to

of

my friends and famcommu-

including the husband of a well-known lady in the

nity

—

a

woman who

is

posely didn't introduce

I

who

him

for

It

woman's husband.

as this

and seemed

Instead,

stated that she

to enjoy the fact that

little

showed him

who he was

respect and let

— not

just as a

him know

someone

that

to

fill

way

things. Find out

it

another way/

we

what makes the people

1%

the

valued

to express respect in

someone's emotional bucket

small acts of kindness for him or her. things, or to put

I

all

feel

well-known person's hus-

ways, and you will be pleasantly surprised at the

Another way

was

He put

change of emphasis can make

band. Be sensitive and go out of your specific

pur-

I

he was and took the time to make him

important. Just that difference.

introduced her husband,

noticed the pleased surprise on his face.

his shoulders back

recognized

him

I

name and then simply

introduced him by

married to him.

regularly on television and often the

When

center of attention.

I

some

another state and

We

don't in

all all

your

is

results.

by doing

like different like the

same

life feel special.

Being a People Builder

It

doesn't have to be something big that takes weeks of planning

and

costs a lot of

money

—

a cruise, a

diamond

ring, a

swimming

pool. That's all great, but don't wait for the big things to bless the

people in your

have just as

I've

life.

much

found that small

or even

more

acts of kindness often

impact. Joel

knows

one cup of coffee every morning. What's interesting doesn't drink coffee, but because he to

make

for

it

me in bed!

his mind. That's

not hard; I

am

love

Usually Joel gets up earlier than

and see

know that Joel was

tant

/

to

it,

is

love

I

that Joel

he takes time

me every day And quite often he even brings it to

into the kitchen

It's

knows

that

it's

I

do,

and when

my coffee already made,

thinking about me.

I

me

that lets

When he got up,

go

was on

I

something that doesn't take him two minutes. not expensive; yet

him and how much he

kindness goes a long

it

lets

me know how impor-

loves me. That small act of

way with me.

Sometimes we wait

to plan big, extravagant events to

express our love and appreciation, forgetting that

little

things

mean

the most. Small acts of kindness performed on a regular

basis

make

quote

I

matter

a

much

bigger impact on people's

found from Aesop that

how

What

small,

acts of

is

says,

"No

lives.

act of kindness,

no

ever wasted."

kindness can you do today?

When you

through and get that morning cup of coffee and

a muffin,

not pick up an extra muffin for a coworker or your boss ?

know your

like a

I

friend collects

magnets from different

drive

why

If

states,

you

why

not pick up a few as you drive to your next vacation destination?

Those thoughtful

big smiles

on the

little

faces of

gestures of encouragement leave

our loved ones.

Try alleviating some of the pressure on your loved ones

197

Love Your Life

week by putting

this

spouse

is

about to go on

him

cleaning for

your encouragement.

actions to

a business trip,

so he won't have to

why

make

your best friend has recently embarked on gram,

why

your

not pick up his dry that extra stop? a

new

If

fitness pro-

not offer to watch her children one night this week

so she can take that class at the

Maybe you shy

If

gym?

are a person of few words, and

you are

far too

encourage someone through verbal communication

to

that's okay.

Did you know that you say much by your nonver-

bal cues? In fact,

one study

at

UCLA

percent of communication effectiveness verbal cues. That

stated that is

up

to 93

determined by non-

means you can encourage people by simply

flashing your pearly whites. People can't always read your

mind, but they can definitely read your always make

it

why

I

my children when we make my smile and show me their

a point to smile at

eye contact. They usually return

gorgeous

That's

face.

grins.

I

love that!

Encouragement can

Sometimes

totally

a smile

is all

you need.

change the atmosphere

of your household.

I

He

once heard

said

a

he speaks

famous speaker sharing about in front of

this

that

to the front

moves him row and

in the least as

,-\nd

doesn't.

long as he can look

see his beautiful wife gazing

smiling with great admiration is all

topic.

thousands of people every year, and

sometimes he gets applause and other times he

none of

very

up

at

down

him and

approval. That familiar smile

the encouragement he needs to finish his speech.

198

But

Being a People Builder

I

am

also conscious of

down and That's

sees

why

I

me

when he

impact on Joel

sitting in the front

row

of

looks

Lakewood Church.

laugh just as hard at his opening joke the third

time IVe heard service. It's

my

it

that

weekend

as

I

did during the very

first

important to encourage with our smiles, and

such an easy thing to do. Try

it!

business meeting and your boss a supportive smile her way.

your boss makes her key

is

The next time you making

are in a

a presentation, flash

Couple that smile with

points,

it's

a

nod when

and you've become the best

encourager in the room.

Filling the emotional buckets of others will

have

a positive effect on you, tool

Those simple words, gestures, and actions of encouragement can totally change the atmosphere of your household and touch the hearts of those

you

love.

And here's a real bonus

—

filling

the

emotional buckets of others will have a positive effect on you, too I've noticed that !

the great people grateful.

when I encourage

others,

it

reminds

my life, and it causes my heart to be others keeps my mind focused on the

have in

I

Encouraging

good things each person possesses and not the negative It's

easy to take our blessings for granted, but

age one another,

me of

we remind

ourselves

have such wonderful people surrounding

how us.

things.

when we encourblessed

we

are to

Each time you offer

word

of encouragement, you're creating a grateful heart and

a right

mind-set within yourself. Everybody benefits from

a

encouragement

—

that's the

way God

199

designed

it.

Love Your Life

Did you know that words have creative power? created the heavens and the earth,

We are made in too.

like to

I

He spoke them

When God

into existence.

His image and our words have creative power,

think of

it

We are all artists with our words

like this:

and we paint on the canvas of people's hearts with every word

we

speak,

good or bad. That's

our words wisely, as

why we

would, creating a positive,

a skillful artist

encouraging masterpiece

need to be careful to use

in the hearts of

And a

our family members,

beautiful

work

of art isn't created

merely by choosing the right colors of

paint;

it's

friends,

and coworkers.

technique the ful

same way, we have

artist uses. In the

how we communicate

to the people

learned this lesson the hard

I

home from

loose ends

might say right

was

through

guitar.

I

us. I

my

words when

have you practiced your guitar Before he could answer,

to

was driving the

I

I

and

I

let

of the

all

that stress

to play in the

On

and on

come

sharply asked, "Jonathan,

at all this

week?"

continued, "You know,

don't practice your guitar now, you'll be sorry

good enough."

was trying

dangling on that particular afternoon. You

feeling a bit stressed,

when you want

to be care-

school one day and thinking about

I'd left I

around

way when

encourage Jonathan to practice his kids

created by the

band

at

down

if

the road

church and you're not

went, trying to encourage

I

you

my

eleven-year-old son to practice his guitar with enthusiasm and passion, and yet

I

could see his countenance deflating and

becoming more discouraged by the minute. hear

my

words.

They weren't encouraging

were negative and depressing. Ltive picture

on the canvas

I

could

or inspiring.

They

realized that

of his heart.

!00

I

All at once,

I

was painting

a

Being a People Builder

Immediately sorry.

forgive I

me

realize

I

I

I

stopped myself and

said,

wasn't very encouraging just now. Will you

me?" him

looked at

I

and he just smiled

in the rearview mirror,

so sweetly. Right then,

positive image.

I

decided to use

mentally put away the negativity paintbrush

talented musically. That's

know

the

changed

more you

why I want you

"You

said,

are so

to practice, because

practice, the better you'll

become

..."

I

my voice from the voice of discouragement and defeat

to the voice of

encouragement and

We paint on

When we

victory.

the canvas of people's hearts

with every word

realize the

we speak.

impact of our words, we'll seize every

opportunity to paint positive images on the hearts of those love. We'll look for chances to say,

porting you. I'm with Just like

you every

anything

skillful "painter"

when you have position

at

my words to paint a

and reached for the encouraging brush and

I

"Jonathan, I'm

"I'm behind you. I'm sup-

step of the

else, it will

we

way"

take practice to

become

with your words, but you can do

to bring correction or instruction,

your words so they will be more

a

Even

it!

you can

easily received.

They

say that "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down," and

when you it

makes

it

speak words of affirmation along with the correction,

much more

palatable.

Whether you're

a boss

work-

ing with an employee or a parent working with a child, the goal

should always be to help others reach a higher

201

level.

When we

Love Your Life

communicate the value of making the change, for the person to receive

will be easier

it

Don't allow harsh words to cut the

it.

canvas you are working on! Instead,

"

sweeten" your delivery

with words of affirmation.

A with

few years ago,

a

woman

I

was deeply engaged

while Alexandra was standing right beside

my attention. This woman

and really wanted

heart out to me, and

want

didn't

I

I

the

make

my

my

pant

Then

story."

but instead I

I

knelt

really

I

dowm

want

this

to talk to

me

woman and

I

Honey, what you have

want

to miss

finish up,

and

to say

give

Alexandra smiled

you at

my

me

I

am

to hear the rest of

is

at the

words

a little taller

to her.

it,

so give

me two

and nodded

she mattered to me. She

her

in

after

life let

knew

mother's undivided attention

I

time.

don't

minutes

to

full attention."

and prouder

That deposit

same

so important to me,

in

agreement. In

her whole body language changed because she

She stood

know you

already speaking with

both of you

one single word of I'll

need

I

beside Alexandra and looked

right now, but

can't listen to

I

interrupted

attentively into her big blue eyes and whispered, "I

want

leg, des-

respectfully and said, "Just one minute.

my daughter, but

to speak with

little girl,

a positive deposit into her heart.

woman very

your

was pouring her

my attention.

started to get frustrated with

decided to

me

to cut her off midsentence,

but by this time Alexandra was tugging on perate for

conversation

in

in a

I

felt

fact,

important.

had whispered those

her

that she

know how much would have her

few minutes, and she was

content to wait for me. That's

how we

build the people around us.

202

It

seems

like

Being a People Builder

such a

make

thing, but those

little

a big difference.

encouragement

little

Over

will create a

deposits will eventually

time, those

deposits of

little

winning attitude inside

a person's

heart.

Maybe no one

took the time to invest in you this

when you were growing

up, but

if

you

listen carefully,

way

God

constantly speaking words of affirmation into your heart. created

you

to be a winner,

communicate that message too late to change

and He wants to the people

to help

around you.

is

be very careful what

we

how one day

action.

I

They

are

who

is

a four-year-old

me

the story of

her daughter came bounding into the kitchen,

FIRE

in

me!

looked at her daughter and

I've said,

My friend

got FIRE in me!

"

"What

you

fire

are

talking

Who told you, you have fire in you?" Her little girl con-

tinued running around saying

my

never

We have to

have a friend

looks exactly like her. She told

saying, "I've got

about?

It's

absorbing every word that comes out of our

Southern through and through, and she has

who

learn to

caught than

say and do in front of them.

mouths and imitating our every

daughter

is

especially true with our children.

like little sponges,

He

how you communicate!

Have you ever heard the expression "More taught "? This

you

is

friend.

it all

day,

and

it

really bothered

She was concerned that someone would

precious daughter that she had

fire in her,

tell

her

and she wondered

what that meant.

A few days later, my friend told me how she caught herself saying, "Girl, I'm going to spank the fire out of you," just as

her mother had said to her.

It

was an old Southern phrase, and

she would never do anything to

harm her

203

child.

Even though

it

Love Your

was

funny story and we got

a

point.

It is

Life

a chuckle,

Recognize that someone

why we must

to you. That's

we

is

we

a

tremendous into

love.

always watching and listening

live

our

lives

with purpose and

can challenge those around us to

words are painting pictures

we

made

amazing what we can deposit with our words

the hearts and minds of the people

resolve, so

it

in the hearts of

Our

rise higher.

those

we

love,

and

can create masterpieces with every stroke.

Living with Winners

I

was speaking with

She was jokingly

a friend

telling

me, "In

Her husband chimed lenges everything

we

and her husband the other

in,

my house, am always I

"She

lives to

day.

right."

be right! She chal-

say," referring to himself

and their

chil-

dren.

"He

just hates that I'm always right," she said with a big

smile on her

face.

This could have been funny,

if it

were not

for the fact that

she wasn't kidding. She didn't recognize that her desire to be right all

all

the time was causing those around her to feel

the time.

If

you always have

only champion

in

to win, then that

your house. And

that's

wrong

makes you the

not good. Her need to

be right was creating a losing environment for her husband and children.

She was depleting

she didn't even realize

their sense of

it.

204

worth and

value,

and

Being a People Builder

Sometimes you have though you

may

know when

to

think you are right.

to let things go,

you never

If

spouse or your children win a debate or even a simple

Monopoly

let

even

your

game

of

you're creating a spirit of defeat on the inside of

them. Eventually your family will just quit trying and lose that passion to win. I

to I

want

to live with winners.

win every discussion with

win. We're a team! That's

when your mind

is

have learned that

I

I

Joel because ultimately

how you have

screaming,

"I

want

don't have if

he wins,

to see the situation

to be right!" Let

your

spouse be a winner, because then you'll be married to a cham-

and that

pion,

It's

a

win-win situation any way you look

at

it.

important that you team up with your spouse and

who

those

is

are close to

you

to help their

dreams become

reality.

But make sure that your words of encouragement are backed

up with action on your

them by

failing to

part.

to

even though you

lars " !

say,

know when

may

knew a woman who was

and would always

all

the pressure on

do your share.

Sometimes you have

I

Don't place

"You

to let things go,

think you are right.

trying to encourage her husband are going to

Although she was trying

make

a million dol-

to speak faith into his heart

encourage him, day after day, those words

felt like

and

pressure to

him. She completely put the burden on his shoulders and he

was overwhelmed with the heavy

Any time

I

encouraged

load.

Joel that

205

we

could do something in

Love Your Life our

lives,

we had

was

I

a financial goal,

remodeling

a

were building

house, a

I

home,

I

did

was I

my

part to save

in the

tor of the church,

I

did

team, and the best

was there every day

my

my part in

way

money.

yard laying sod.

contractors and help keep us on schedule.

a

my

right there with him, willing to do

to

to

When

If

part. If

we were

When we

meet the sub-

he became pas-

the service, too! Joel and

show support him I

is

by

are

I

rolling

up

sleeves with him!

Don't put the load of responsibilities for your happiness

on your spouse or the people around you.

I

encourage you today: Don't put the load of responsibili-

ties for

you.

your happiness on your spouse or the people around

Make

the decision to do your part.

When you

fill

the

emotional buckets of others, you enable them to do the same for you.

Strive each day to be a people builder and help

make those

people around you a group of winners. Success breeds success,

and when you encourage others

in their

dreams, you are not

only building great relationships, but you are setting the stage to bring

your own goals and dreams

206

to pass.

Being a People Builder

ANCHOR THOUGHTS I

make

will

ment every

someone

a habit of giving day.

I

recognize

if I

the gift of encourage-

don't use

my words

ment and encourage, I'm not taking advantage

compli-

to

of the gift

God has given me. •

/

realize

how much weight my words

every opportunity those

to

carry and

I

will seize

paint positive pictures on the hearts of

I love. •

I

will

always remember that no act of kindness

when

small or ever wasted

am

I

depositing

it

is

in

ever too

someone

else's life. •

/

will help those closest to

spouse, speak faith into I

me

my

to succeed. I will

children,

realize that success breeds success,

higher

compliment

and build up

and

my

my family.

the higher they go, the

will go.

I

•

I

will enjoy the

freely in

my

words

home.

about them; instead

I I

"I love

will not

will tell

you" and allow them

assume people know how

them on

flow

to

I

feel

a regular basis.

•

I

will

show

look for

them. keep

I

my

ways

love through small acts of kindness.

to let

realize that

my

my

it's

family know

the

little

relationships strong.

207

I

will

that I'm thinking of

things done frequently that

!!

Receiving Love

In this

day and

about any context.

age, the word "love" can be used in just

We love our family or soul mate, and we also

movie or pizzal

love a good

no wonder people get so con-

It's

fused about the subject of love.

One

thing

certain:

is

Every per-

son on this earth was created with a deep longing to give and

We develop our personal definition of love by how

receive love.

we were up.

raised

and what we saw modeled

Whether they

God

in their

their earthly father difficult to see I

grew up

natural as the

our homes growing

or not, most people have a picture of their relationship

father. If their earthly father

easy to see

it's

it

minds based on what

with their natural portive,

realize

in

God the same way. On

was unavailable or

in a

home where

word

"hello."

the other hand,

God

they

another.

we I

if

may find it

so freely gives.

the phrase "I love you" was as

To

this day, if

you

are around

family for very long, you will hear those three

because

like

was kind and sup-

distant,

the unconditional love that

was

little

my

words,

look for opportunities to express our love to one

realize that

because of the

it's

way I was

easy for

raised.

loving brother and a fantastic

I

had

mom

209

me

to accept God's love

a great childhood,

with a

and dad who believed

in

Love Your

Lite

me, encouraged me, and loved me, even

if

wrong (which

My

judged

me

by

rarely did, of course!).

I

my

performance.

something

parents never

My mother instilled within me

sense of independence and confidence that

a

did

I

could do any-

I

My father loved and protected me, and would pick me up when fell. My parents were always good to thing

I

put

my

mind

to.

I

me I

still

of

me

and showed had

their unconditional love

to learn to

my own way

embrace that

love.

and approval. But

At times

had

I

of doing things, because occasionally

to let

go

my way

wasn't exactly the best way. I

can

remember when

would allow me

old,

my

come

straight to the store, get the groceries, and then

straight back

home," he w ould r

"Don't pick up any of your

say.

and come back."

friends, just go,

One day

dad

to drive the family car to the grocery store.

7

"Go

was sixteen years

I

as

I

was headed

my

for the store,

me, "Victoria, the passenger-side window

off

is

dad cautioned

its

track. Please

don't open the passenger-side door, and especially don't lower

the passenger-side window.

have an appointment to get

I

repaired, but for right now, just don't lower

"Okay, Dad," the door.

And

straight to

as

my

I

her up, and

we headed

responsible

young lady

the window. Well,

down

trying to impress

that

I

down

was,

I

headed out

would

wanted

or

Of

went

Being the

when we saw

course

show

hi.

a

we weren't

off the fact that

innocently say

210

I

told her to be careful about

the street.

to

do,

the street and picked

barely one block

him or anything

just

girl

I

to the grocery store together.

we drove

friend of ours walking

it."

a smile as

any good sixteen-year-old

best friend's house

was driving; we

and

said with a kiss

it

I

Receiving Love

"Just go ahead

him/'

I

told

"But

I

and

down

roll

window and say

the

hello to

my friend.

thought your dad said not to lower the window," she

hedged.

Caught up do

in the

moment,

I

"Oh,

said,

it

will be okay. Just

slowly."

it

My friend rolled down the window and we called out to our friend,

waving and acting so grown up. He seemed so impressed

my friend and acted as cool as could be. Everything was great until my friend started to raise the win-

that

I

was

driving,

dow Suddenly the

window

it

and

I

seemed

world stopped as

like the

crack and shatter into a million pieces!

have given anything to turn back the clock

"Oh, no!"

me

help

I

I

"You have

cried.

explain to

my

to

at that

watched I

would

moment.

come home with me and

dad what happened,"

I

told

my

friend.

Suddenly the groceries didn't seem so important anymore. drove straight back

home

in

complete

driveway wasn't nearly long enough as to explain to

with

silence. I

The walk up our

tried to figure out

my dad what just happened.

I

We

walked

inside,

how

along

my friend— the one who wasn't supposed to be with me.

My dad was in the kitchen making some hamburgers when he turned and saw face.

You can imagine

"Dad, I'm so sorry

how to

explain

Because tell

us.

I

.

I

.

started to say, barely

knowing

what had happened.

knew my

him the whole

moment I

," .

the puzzled look on his

father loved me,

story.

admitted to

And

I

had the confidence to

the marvelous part

my dad that

I

is

that the

had disobeyed, he forgave

me. Of course he was disappointed, but he never ceased to love

me.

He

didn't hold

it

over

my

head or measure

211

my worth

by

Love "lour

He

that mistake.

love for

Life

chose to believe the best about me. In

me was just

as strong after that incident as before.

never disconnected his heart from mine and

from

his love.

to this day.

Our

weren't raised in

hard for you to believe that God for

you

I

a

what you know

to redefine

it

does

father could be.

family like mine and

Maybe

so forgiving.

is

as love.

He

did not retreat

relationship continued to flourish as

My dad is as proud of me as any

Maybe you

fact, his

it's

God's love goes

beyond any human love you've ever experienced. He

is

it's

time

way

always

patient and kind, always just and forgiving.

He weeps when

you weep and laughs when you laugh. You

are His delight

and He longs

to

have

joy to His heart and

loving relationship with you.

a

know He

I

You bring

smiling on you right

is

now

as

you read these words. encounter so

I

mad

that

God

first

thing they say

as

they think

if

wrong

me

is

so

always

He

many

them.

is

God

is

can punish them and

not

truly love your

mad life,

You

at you;

is

He

a

misconception

things don't go well the did

just waiting for

assure you right now, that

truth!

who have

When

"Well, God,

is

God

at

people

make

it

to

them

me

to

again!

" It's

do something

their lives difficult. Let

the furthest thing from the is

madly

you! To

in love urith

you must understand and embrace

this

fundamental truth.

Maybe

It

it

it's

time for you

doesn't matter

doesn't matter

to redefine

how many

how many

times you've

times

212

what you know

made

youVe blown

as love.

a

mistake;

it;

God

is

Receiving Love

always ready to receive you with open, loving arms. In

fact,

He's already forgiven you for anything you've done in the

and anything you

past

accept

will

Imagine God

it.

do in the future. All you must do

in front of

arms outstretched, ready

to

you

right

now

is

with His

welcome you. Don't run away

from Him; run toward Him. Simply take

a step of faith to

embrace His love and forgiveness. Studies

show

are approved, accepted,

an environment that like

by

CEOs

when you

first

as the

raised in feels

limits his self-esteem.

it

I

don't find this surpris-

how most firstborn

children are treated

—everything those children do so amazing! word, seen —each is

smile, that first

that

first

most magnificent event of the

step

year.

ents marvel at and encourage every child.

is

when he

harsh and disapproving,

are firstborn children.

consider

their parents

That

a child

when they

survey done for a national magazine revealed that 59

percent of

ing

is

flourish

and valued. But when

he can't be good enough,

A

grow and

that children

first is

Even most grandpar-

move

of that firstborn

That constant recognition of every small achievement

builds confidence and security.

Did you know God sees you the same way? Regardless of whether you were the firstborn the apple of God's eye.

valuable child. faith.

will

your family or

always treat you

not,

like

you

are

His most

applauds you every time you take a step of

He's always speaking encouraging words into your heart,

saying, fill

He

He

in

"You can

rise higher.

You can do

all

things.

You can

ful-

your destiny." Let those words sink

to build

down

your confidence.

into

your heart and allow them

When you

213

understand and receive

Love Your

God's love and encouragement,

more than you ever thought

Life

it

will

possible.

empower you

to

do

Because of God's love

and constant support, you can wake up every day with an

atti-

tude of faith and expectancy. You don't have to live guilty or

condemned, feeling

made some he

is

did

fall.

wrong

you.

It's

up.

You may have

mistakes, but just like a parent helps

learning to walk,

time you

you don't measure

like

Do your

God

will help

part,

you get

God

say,

"God

is

smiling

when

up any

right back

and instead of dwelling on

the day before, just imagine

very freeing to

a child

all

down on God

pleased with me.

approves of me." Embrace these words and

let

them

create a

Remember,

foundation of His unconditional love in your

life.

you

of His eye!

are His

most prized possession, the apple

You don't have

to live guilty

you

or condemned,

feeling like you don't measure up.

Have you ever wondered what God thinks on His mind?

means God does

He

is

It

says in Psalms that

Is

He

we have

we

what we

That

What

did wrong, He's

did right. He's not thinking about

to go; He's thinking

about

how

come. God approves of you. He's pleased with you. start

us.

our shortcomings? No, God's thoughts toward us

thinking about what far

mindful of

is

thinking about our mistakes, our

are good! He's not thinking about

how

is

constantly thinking about you and me.

think about us?

failures, or

God

about, what

far

It's

we

ve

time to

approving of yourself.

When

[esus

walked the earth, He

214

left

us two simple

com-

Receiving Love

mands: Love God and love your neighbor as you love Notice

it

doesn't just say, "Love

love others as

you

anyone

you love yourself

until

about being

God and

love yourself. That

selfish; it's

yourself.

people/' No,

18

says

it

means you can never

love

Loving yourself

not

first.

about honoring God's creation

.

is

you!

.

.

Loving yourself is not about being selfish; it's

I

about honoring God's creation

.

.

you!

encourage you today to receive God's love in a

Ask Him

to

show you His unconditional

understand His true love, you'll be

set free

love.

new

way.

When you

from any kind of

and insecurity You become more grounded and bet-

inferiority

ter able to love others as

God's love, the more love to

.

you

love yourself.

The more we

we will be able to give in

Him and to the people who

matter the most to

return

accept

—both

us.

Love Builds Security

Joel

and

I

have been married for more than twenty-one years,

and the strength of our relationship comes from the unconditional love just

we

when

are

we have

for each other.

things are good or

committed

Even though

I

We

when we

agree on everything; no,

to loving each other

know Joel

loves

215

do not love each other

no matter what.

me and we make a

conscious

Love Your Life effort to invest in each other,

every day

is

certainly not a perfect

There are those days when we don't meet each other's

day.

expectations. But

when

look at what I've done, unconditionally.

I

things don't go the right way,

look at what

We have to

know

I

remember

to

— that

go back

I

I

don't

am

loved

to the foun-

dation of love in our relationships, especially in our relationship

with God. The thing that keeps edge that because I

am

strongest

God

when

I

me most

loves me,

build

I

stable

is

am empowered

my days on

the knowlto

do

better.

the foundation of His

love for me. It's

important that we learn to be comfortable with telling

the people in our lives that

we

We

love them.

these words to flow freely in our

homes

sphere of love. At the same time,

we need

to create

I

still

like to

they are just three

down

hear him say words, but

little

my heart every time

in

it

I

into

my heart.

I

rely

on

I

know

Joel loves

a regular basis. Sure,

them

allow

hear them.

embrace those words, they establish trust in

I

on

an atmo-

to be comfortable

hearing those words spoken to us in return.

me, but

need to allow

I

know

to sink

that

deep

when

and

a treasure of security

Joel's love

and allow

it

to sink

I

deep

my being, because in any good relationship, love has to be

the anchor that keeps us steady through the tough times.

We all have a memory box inside our hearts. We can record

all

the hurts and difficulties in our relationships or

allow God's love to wipe the pages clean so good.

When

the tough times come, whatever

heart will manifest in our selves that

memory

God brought

lives. Joel

and

I

us together, and

we is

we

can

can record the

recorded

in

our

always remind our-

we go

back to our

box and review that over and over again. That

216

either

is

how

Receiving Love

we keep our times If

weVe

relationship anchored

—by focusing on

all

the great

shared together and the future that's in front of

you have some books

take an evening

away from

filled

us.

with photos or family fun,

the television or

work and simply

enjoy going through some of those old pictures, reminding yourself and your loved ones of the great things for you.

God

Enjoy them with your spouse, children, or

has done

friends,

remind yourselves how much you love one another. important that

we

another and keep

A ment

to

tell

"but for

I

it

get so

me how much want

to

"I love

my

embrace

I

feel like

and don't measure up

to

and

this subject

she appreciated

down on myself and

my husband.

so

alive.

embrace those words

"I really

It's

take the steps to recognize our love for one

young woman heard me speaking on

wrote to

and

my

encourage-

you."

husband's love," she

feel like

said,

I'm not good enough

I'm apologizing to him

all

what he needs." She admitted

the time that her

personal feelings of inadequacy were driving a wedge in their relationship rity into

tionship it

by allowing her thoughts of

her heart and mind. In her

own

thinking, their rela-

was getting stuck and not progressing the way she

should. She

embrace

failure to feed insecu-

knew her husband

his love.

It

was

as

if

felt

loved her, but she couldn't

she couldn't get beyond her

mistakes for fear of her husband's rejection.

He

own

truly loved her,

but her feelings of inadequacy were not allowing her to receive his love It

and

to

grow and mature

in that love.

wasn't until she adjusted her

relationship

was rescued from

toward renewed love and

own

that rut

trust.

217

thinking that their

and began progressing

Love Your Lite

I

think

we do something

God when we

similar in our relationship with

don't allow His love and acceptance to give us a

sense of security, and to cover our failures. God's love

based on our performance, but

His love, in

our heart, so we are free to improve our

we were selves,

know Him love

is

to

want

what motivates us

to be

better,

and

God's love but

In the

already

is

when we will

it

who was

and become

all

work with our-

causes us to want to

know

ourselves better. His best.

not based on our performance,

and embrace His

Jove,

improve our performance.

New Testament,

woman

you'll find a story about a

caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders had

condemned her

Jesus to see

He showed

in their minds, because their

Out

He

didn't

do, but Jesus surprised

condemn

the

stone."

1

'

The

"You who

accusers

Jesus turned to the

accusers? Did

said,

left

woman

them

woman, but

love and compassion to her. In

whole thing around and

law said

of curiosity, they brought her to

what He would

with His response.

first

to

trust

It

our absolute

recognize

she should be stoned.

the

lives

created to be. His love frees us to

not just to work on ourselves.

not

recognize and embrace

improve our performance. His love builds

will

it

when we

is

fact,

all

instead

He turned

are without sin,

the

throw

one by one.

and

said,

"Where

are your

anyone condemn you?"

She answered, "No one, Lord." lesus then said

something very profound, something that

218

Receiving Love

gives us insight into

Go and

you.

who He

really

no more." God was

sin

"Neither do

is:

I

condemn

in essence saying, "I don't

my stamp of approval on condemnation." God is not in the

put

business of condemning people; He's in the business of improv-

ing and loving people.

You may have encountered people who want and throw rocks

at

you. But that's not the

never going to throw rocks

wants

to

empower you

at

you

way our God is.

or try to push

to live a better

life.

you

to accuse

He's

you down. He

Maybe you've made

some mistakes, or maybe you've been hurt by someone who threw rocks

at

you. Today

open your heart

God

is

is

your day

to let go of that hurt

and

to receive God's love.

not in the business of condemning people;

He's in the business of improving and loving people.

Remember,

The

as long as

faultfinders

are, or

we

live,

there will be accusing voices.

and rock throwers

the negative voices come,

we

we

we

will

always be there.

When

can believe them and stay where

can believe that we're forgiven, accepted, and

approved by God.

It's

up

to us to cast the deciding vote as to lives

—freedom or condemna-

tion, faith or fear, love or bitterness.

Decide today to make the

what

is

going to dominate our

best choice. Receive God's love. Get declare

it,

"God

accept yourself, love, you'll

loves me.

God approves

you honor God. As you

not only love your

of love to give

up every morning and

life

away

219

of me."

When you

learn to receive God's

more, but you'll have plenty

Love Your

Life

My prayer for you today is that you will love your life in a greater way, that

have to

you

offer, that

will

you

understand your value and what you with confidence, making the

will live

most of what God has given you, and that you

will see

God's

favor in a greater way.

Make You have that

you

sure your so

much

memory box

to offer. All

with the right things.

through the day remind yourself

are a person of destiny, handpicked

Treasure the people in your

ments

is filled

improve your

to

life.

Be willing

to

relationships. Don't hold

Keep the connections strong. The but your relationship

by Almighty God.

is

difficulty

for a lifetime.

may

make on

adjust-

to offenses.

be for a season,

And when

times get

tough keep the right perspective. Remember, you can always choose the

God

hands are never

option. tied.

Your hands may be

tied,

Trust Him. Live each day in faith. Focus

on what you have and not on what you don't have. on

a fresh

your

life,

dence,

your

you'll put

attitude each morning, treasuring the people in

will see God's favor

and blessings and you

will live

happy, healthy, and whole.

life

and

If

recognizing your possibilities and living with confi-

you

God

Joel

new

but God's

Is

I

Not

Mad at You — He

love

you and pray

for

Is

Madly

you every

in

Love with You

day. If you've never

accepted the love and forgiveness that Jesus has to offer

encourage you to do

so.

let

I'm not talking about becoming

220

me

reli-

Receiving Love gious and trying to be good enough, I'm talking about having a relationship with the Creator of the universe through His son Jesus Christ.

It's

"Dear

I

You

Jesus,

know I'm

a sinner

are the son of God, that

sins,

and rose again.

fresh and new.

I

your

so simple. Just pray this prayer in

accept

prayed that prayer,

I

You

ask

I

You

You

I

need

a savior.

I

believe

died paying the price for

come

to

as

and

heart:

my

believe today

into

my

my life, make me

Lord and Savior/' As you

is

a

new beginning.

Let go of

We would love to help you. Visit our website at www.joelosteen.com for more information. When you're in Houston, stop by and see us. We love you, believe in the old and receive the new.

know that your best days

you, and

are out in front of you.

ANCHOR THOUGHTS Today

I

am

receiving God's love.

I

know His mercy

new every morning, and I'm going with the treasures from God's

Word and

and

my memory

box

live this

day with

and expectancy.

faith

I

to fill

fresh

is

know

God.

I

that I'm approved, accepted,

know God

is

not

mad

and valued

at me. He's

in the eyes of

madly

in love

with me. •

No I've

matter

blown

how many it,

I

mistakes I've

made

or

how many

believe God's love never changes,

always there with open arms

to receive

221

me.

times

and He

is

Love Your

/

me

realize that God's love for

mance, but as

I

recognize

it

Life

is

not based on

and embrace

it,

my

perfor-

His love improves

my performance. •

//

someone

is

throwing

rocks,

I

know

it's

not God. He's not

in

the business of condemning, He's in the business of loving. will not live this

given from

all

day guilty and condemned.

past mistakes. This

222

is

a

I

new day

I

have been forof victory.

Notes

1.

The names figures

of

all

persons other than family

mentioned in

this

2.

See Esther 2:1-8:27.

3.

See

4.

See Matthew 5:16.

5.

See 2 Timothy

6.

See

7.

See Joshua 1:1-9.

8.

See 1 Samuel 17:12-54.

9.

See Genesis 12:1-13:18.

1

book are pseudonyms.

Samuel 16:1-13.

Numbers

1:5.

13:1-14:24.

10.

See Genesis 2-3.

11.

See Matthew 13:12.

12.

See Matthew 25: 14-28.

13.

See Exodus 4:10-6:12.

14.

See John 6:1-14.

15.

See Philippians 3:13.

16.

See 1 Corinthians 13:5

17.

See 1 Corinthians 13:7.

18.

See

19.

See John 8:1-11.

Mark

members and

12: 29-31.

223

public

(continuedfrom front flap)

inspired by stories of victory and challenged to live at a

higher

who

read about people

level. You'll

have accomplished incredible things by overcom-

who

ing their fears, and people

have changed the

world around them by simply recognizing their

own value.

A life well lived does not come to set out for

it,

look for

Love Tour Life shows

easily;

and make

it,

you have

it

happen.

how to turn the challenges of

each day into opportunities to love and appreciate

all

that

you

are.

i

L

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%0^ Victoria Osteen tious passion

has always had an infec-

and enthusiasm for

life.

A

native

Houstonian, Victoria began her career in her family's

now works with

jewelry business and

most precious treasure of inspiration

and mentor to

all

—people. She

women

is

the

an

everywhere as

she ministers alongside her husband, Joel, and sets a

wonderful example for their two children,

Jonathan and Alexandra. Victoria

community and committed children,

is

active in her

to helping

women,

and families discover their purpose and

reach their highest potential. Visit the

This

title is also

Osteen website

available

from Simon

at

www.joelosteen.com.

& Schuster Audio and as an eBook.

Register online at www.simonsays.com for more

information on this and other great books. Visit BookClubReader.com, your source for reading group guides and other book club materials.

JACKET DESIGN BY JASON MADDING

AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH © TADDMYERS COM PRINTED

IN

THE

U.S.A.

COPYRIGHT ©

2008

SIMON & SCHUSTER. INC

DISTRIBUTED BY SIMON & SCHUSTER.

INC.

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new things,

„id loves to help others. In short, she loves her

After twenty-one years of marriage, she continues

amaze me with her

faith,

wisdom, confidence, and

ability to discover the best in others.

She has truly

brought out the best in me. As you read these pages believe

you too

reach your

full

I

be inspired and challenged to

will

potential, to live with

more confidence,

to approach each day with the right perspective, and to love your

life

in a greater way.

Joel Osteen

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