Kundalini: From Hell to Heaven 0977745600, 9780977745609

Table of contents :
Clarification On "The End of the Path"
No one is higher or lower
Kundalini - Then and Now, In the World or Out
On Creativity and Spirituality
Masters, Truth and Ego
Giving Hard Hitting Truths: The 2x4 Method
How the Guru works
Sages, Heroes and Liberators
There is only One Truth
On Being a Guru
Do Enlightened Beings Err?
Why Sri Ramana Sat In Trance
On Shaktipat and Finding a Guru
Experience and Seeking the Now
To Speak or Not To Speak
Trance States and Enlightenment
Identification of Self
The Self Experience & Resulting Sahaja Samadhi
What it is like to be Enlightened
Life is Divine Puja
Understanding Kundalini
What Does the Kundalini Do?
Kundalini Experience – Genuine or False?
The Flame of Truth
Goals, Dreams, and Destiny
Going Beyond Identifications
Why an External Guru is needed
On Entities and Fears During the Kundalini Process
The Ultimate Letting Go
Human Suffering, Fears and Pain
The Last Great Fear of Ego-Death
On Emotions, Surrender and Blessings
Handling the Rising Fears
Fear and Self-Pity
Clinging to Pain and Suffering
Truth Resonates With the Heart
Kundalini Symptoms & Phenomena
The Blue Light
On Again, Off Again
Clearing Process
Nightly Visits From Kali
Movement of Shakti/Energy
Beyond Siddhis and Powers
Interesting Aura Happenings
Beware the traps of Yogic Powers and Siddhis
Lights and Sensations
Nad, Lights and Letting Go of Phenomena
Blue Circle of Light
Dreams and Symbols
Kundalini On Fire
Seeing Lights During Meditation
Mind, Thoughts, and Ego
Illusory Plays of Mind
Karma, Ego and Conditionings
Empty Mind is Buddha Mind
Kali’s Fight Against Ego
Transcend the Mind to Enter Stillness
On Ego-Death and Liberation
Self Enquiry
Self Enquiry in the Kundalini Process
Cleaning the Window
Moving Forward with Self-Enquiry and the practice of Neti-Neti
The Present Moment: Self-Enquiry and Neti Neti
Stay Centered to Progress
Self Enquiry Completes the Kundalini Journey
The following is an online satsang dialogue with Guru SwamiG and a seeker. This correspondence happened over the course of one week.
Shifts of Consciousness
Settling Into Realization
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Siddha Yoga & Kundalini
Reiki and Kundalini
Psychiatry and Kundalini
Buddhism and Kundalini Shakti
Experience of ONENESS
Aura Sensing, Healing and Free-Will
Transcendental Meditation, Yoga and the Occult
Yoga Asanas, Food and Exercise
Chakra Opening and Psychic Powers
On Social Conditionings, Paths and the Truth
Sex, Marriage and Partners as Sacred
Sex: A Double-Edged Sword
Stress Relief and Energy Work
Pranayama and Breathing Exercises
Stress and Fatigue: Practices to get to Balance
Safer Practices For Breath Work
Drugs and Kundalini
Kundalini and Drugs Don’t Mix
On Suicide and Drugs
Cannabis and Kundalini
Title: What is surrender?
CAT: Fears, emotions, conditionings
Title: Letting go of Thoughts
Finding the Middle Way
A Path of Trial and Error
S: I have so many more questions about your experiences that I want to ask, and am glad to have you join us.
Dangers of Awakening Kundalini
Spiritual Emergency
Spontaneous Kundalini Awakening Experience
Awakening the Kundalini

Citation preview

Table of Contents I. Journey to Realization – From Seeker to Sat Guru 226 II. Gurus, Masters and Sages 27-54 III. Realization/Enlightenment/Non-Duality 55-69 IV. Understanding Kundalini 70-81 V. Fears, Pain & Emotions 82-114 VI. Kundalini Symptoms & Phenomena 115-135 VII.Mind, Thoughts & Ego 136-145 VIII.Practices For Balancing Kundalini 146-160 IX. Self-Enquiry 161-174 X. Kundalini Journey 175-198 XI. Spiritual/Healing Modalities and Kundalini 199-237 XII.Drugs and Kundalini 238-250 XIII.Kundalini Awakenings & Crises 251-270

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I. Journey to Realization: From seeker to Sat Guru Namaste G: Welcome to the new site. Seeing the need for those that are going through the kundalini experience without a competent guide, this line is begun. Having transitioned the experience successfully without a guide, and having met others that have searched all over India to find a Guru that has completed the experience without success, I have decided to open this site. Those that are in the midst of a kundalini experience need a place that can give answers. Will be working one on one; when questions are posted the answers will be given.

My Story, by Ganga K... G: You could say that my only subject now is Truth.... and here is my personal story..... Born in the US, i was a searcher for truth at a young age.... at the age of 18, i joined an esoteric christian order.... during the evening rituals, while kneeling at the altar, Father Blighton laid hands upon my head. At that moment, a bolt of gold light went through my body... it was like lightning hit... absolute gold... i entered a state of samadhi... (at the time i had no idea of what samadhi was)... this samadhi lasted a period of 3 days (The samadhi was consisting of the feeling of being connected to ALL of creation, yet separate as a witness and not involved)... along with it there came seeing energy... auras around people and a purple aura around the cross on the altar and gold around one on the wall..... Father Blighton said that i had just entered the first stage of enlightenment... Upon leaving the order, things subsided for a number of years..... At the age of 29, i decided to sit and meditate... !2

sitting on the floor suddenly there was a vibration at the end of the tail bone... muladhara chakra.... then, suddenly, extreme heat rose up the spine.... going to bed that evening, i could not sleep... i complained to my husband that the birds were making so much noise it was impossible to sleep.... it sounded as if a hundred were in a tree all chirping at once.... i was informed it was the middle of the night and there were no birds.... thus started what was to be long years of pain and numerous kundalini created manifestations..... this lasted until completion... during the time of manifestation it felt as if i would spontaneously combust, the heat being so intense... and the nervous system felt as if it was short circuiting everywhere at once.... there were spontaneous mudras (hand gestures) and kriyas that happened.... energy moved through the body uncontrolled.... at one time it felt as if ice cold water were poured into the heart area.... there were dreams of fires and snakes... for over 6 months.... the mental modifications included extreme depression.... then feeling the pain of the world... then as one absolutely dead... these were all lasting over one to two years in duration... siddhis came, such as the ability to feel whatever was happening in another persons body and the ability to heal pain.... this process continued to unfold until coming to India and going into a nirvakalpa samadhi.... beyond subject and object – a merging within the Self..... from that point, the old self with its fears died.... what emerged was liberation – knowing what IS the Essence of ALL LIFE...... i am now a speaker of truth.... and willing to help others through their experience.... here is a list of happenings... during the process.... 1. Seeing lights – internal and external 2. Extreme heat up the spine 3. Nervous system extremely sensitive – feeling as if shortcircuiting

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4. Natural kriyas (vibrations of body – body movements and energy in patterned movements) 5. Spontaneous hand mudras 6. Various sounds heard internally 7. Knowledge on various subjects would be known immediately in whole... 8. Siddhis of various natures came and went 9. Expanded consciousness 10. Ended when Self was reached while in Nirvakalpa Samadhi... or THAT which i term the Formless Constant (when subject and object end in absolute quiet mind) 11. Now resting in Anand... the manifestations of kundalini that were long and difficult ended when Nirvakalpa was entered into.... the false ideations of the limited ego self (or that which seeks to control its limitations) ended, or that which sees itself as the form which is within life and death was transcended..... the experience of kundalini ended within Self-enquiry... it took everything to its natural end, which is simply the beginning....... this is backed by Ramana Maharshi’s findings also... In the end, all relative knowledge that had been acquired.... all the mysteries and ceremonies.... all the Love and Devotion... all the sacrifice and suffering... everything that had been held was released.... the powers.... the ideations.... the conditionings... All was surrendered to the Divine and in one brief moment – that was ever eternal.... Existence was unalterably changed.... i no longer saw the transient as separate from the Eternal..... no longer see the outer show as me and Thee..... the me, that personality which moves, in the end exists not – matters not.... it is simply the ideations of limited mind created by the encapsulation of the Formless within form...... but the Spirit is ever FREE of form..... there is no Death.... THAT is and always has been the ONE Eternal !4

Nature..... and we are simply sparks within THAT DIVINE BEING.... there is no you and i separate... there is Simply THAT BEING.... empty in nature.... containing all things yet holding nothing..... That spark of Life is ever untouched by any of the mental modifications or ideations of form.... Life is now lived in the Eternal Now.......

Guiding others towards Self-Realization S: You are writing that "obtaining realization.... i am now a speaker of truth.... and willing to help others through their experience...." Could you describe these things for me? What is the result of your realization and what do you mean is the truth, and how do you think you can help others, and in that case, with what? G: Yes of course most willing to explain...

Having completed the kundalini experience and now resting within the Bliss alone, my journey is complete. There is no longer any search. The kundalini modifications have also ended totally. Having recently met a man that came to India and searched for a competent guru to help him. He spent 2 weeks at the Khumba Mela and found no one; after meeting me in Rishikesh, i spoke with him and he enjoyed the first relief since it started and said it was as if he was a child again with the freedom of mind and outlook. He was put on a path to completion and stabilization. In finding out the Truth of Being - the path of kundalini will complete. The whole purpose in kundalini is a process of purification and release of all past conditionings. And once the truth of existence is realized, the process will come to a rapid close and completion. This is a journey to find what you are and are not. Maya is comprised of Consciousness Alone, energy and movement of mind; taking the consciousness to be form and temporary is the problem. You are not the form - nor are you the temporary; form and transient are only the ever continuing !5

panorama of moving consciousness. When you rest within Consciousness that is unmoving or at rest, you reach the essence of Being or Source. The power and movement subside and simply you are That which is Pure Awareness beyond division and yet you are ALL of Manifestation. There is no clinging to any one experience. You simply become the motion and the life of All nature, yet unmoved by any of the happenings. Here is an excerpt from one that has asked for help..."I ask for your assistance. A dear friend sends me kundalini emails, yours is the only one I have read. When reading your letter on your website I had such an experience of the ocean....such a deep silence that I will not try to put into words...I could not speak for some time......Please assist me." This help may only be given by one that has completed the experience successfully. i do not charge for any assistance, nor do i claim to hand anything to anyone. The guru is only one that points the way; you must walk your own path and the ultimate sat-guru is always within the Self of Being alone. It is the Source of Self minus the ego identification. Following are some postings from the site. Please feel free to contact me any time with any other questions or comments. S: First, what is the state of realization like? G: From your point of view it would be an altered state, but it is now my only so called state. Once these false notions and conditionings drop you don't pick them up again. And, at that time (when so-called enlightenment occurs), that which was your individualization into the ego personality dissolves so to speak. So, from then on you are non-separate from existence. You do not experience anything as being separate from that point, YOU ARE THAT. When desire drops, it is only karma that you continue to play out, but you are not involved within the action of the body, it is consciousness that moves you. Within myself (where there is no within or without), when !6

someone asks a question the answer is just there, it appears within the framework of consciousness. There is no rational thought pattern that is happening. Otherwise, since there is no longer any search, there is only silence. Any random thoughts that may occur are only clouds with no substance and not really recognized. All others are only other aspects of your own Being as all others’ essence is also the Source. Since only Source remains for you, the other personality awareness also ends. Only Truth remains. Therefore, you can state that "I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF TRUTH." So I hope this explains somewhat that Reality commonly called REALIZATION. It is not something to be obtained for it is truly the only Reality. All else is only a reflection that is distorted, An illusion of truth. S: What is discovered the moment of Realization? G: Realization of Self, I AM, the eternal emptiness of Being: One without a second. The Life of All Life, The Death of All Death. The unborn ever Effulgent One. Being beyond Eternal, That Which Is and Is not; for past, present, and future have no meaning within the Emptiness of Now. For only Now exists in the void of Permanence. Yet, how can permanence be stated when impermanence does not exist. Note: Do not think by reading these words that you will understand "That" which "Is" for all words and concepts are born of the world of duality. Truth of Being is beyond mind, and duality, and division, therefore inexpressible within the confines of limiting language and ideations. There is much more we could go into, but let it rest here.

The Keys to Unlock the Doors S: By the way, you sound like someone from the US rather than India. How is this so?

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G: Ah very perceptive... yes the form was born in the US... right in the center, as a matter of fact, but Dorothy’s not in Kansas any more... she followed the yellow brick road and wound up over the rainbow... (so to speak) S: Are you a westerner who studied abroad? Just curious. G: i came to complete my path... it was an unfolding that i knew would take place in India... and so i came... of course the universe put me in touch with just the right one to break through the last of the conditionings... it was what i call lovingly the kabir method of the grand slam... the 2x4 method of spiritual teaching... in fact it is quite a humorous story... what you resist will be what you find... i did not study as such... my time and life has been one of contemplation and introspection... although did a lot of reading along the way – all the intellectual "knowledge" came to an end in the process... at any rate it has been an "interesting" journey... before i left the US, i went into a bookshop and there was this tape "Satsang with Rajiv" – i looked at it and just said "Yeah right, like i would go to that yahoo... i don't think so"... so where did the universe send me... to that very yahoo... when we met i didn't place who it was... it wasn't until after the grand slam that was instrumental in releasing and breaking through the last of the conditionings that i saw his tapes in his room.... Of course, at that point i just sighed and surrendered to the universe... So, who knows where the keys will come from to unlock the doors... it will be sometimes from where we least expect it... from the very place where we swore we would never search... hahaha... the time spent around him was short but it was invaluable to move me forward to the completion of the path...

Clarification On "The End of the Path" S: I like most of Ganga's straight forward dialogue – however, her claim to have "reached the end of her path" sounds a bit !8

dualistic and pretentious to me. In all fairness, since I am not Self realized, I don't know for certain whether her claim is true or not – however, you would never hear the Dalai Lama or the Karmapa or Mother Theresa make such a claim, even if it is true. When I think of this, I am reminded of Ramana Maharshi and the following questions appear in my mind: Who is it that thinks they have reached the end of their path? Who is it that thinks there is a path? And Who is it that thinks there is a beginning and end? If one has "reached the end of their path" then why is there still the need to make that claim? Maybe I am just sensitive to westerners who have adopted Hindu cultural ways of speaking, i.e., this form came from the U.S., and who claim to be at the "end of their path" which implies complete freedom from such outward cultural accoutrements. Or perhaps this is just a dualistic way of stating that which is True. The point here is that it is always good to use discernment. G: Perhaps that quote should be explained... it simply means that the search has ended... when the Truth has been reached, there is no longer any search that remains... when the illusions that you have held have shattered and that emptiness which is Pure Life Essence devoid of any personal sense has been entered into... then Truth becomes quite simple... the understanding of the various paths is seen in simplicity... the understanding of the different vehicles is apparent... and there is no longer any feeling of a need to know anything... at that point there is an awareness that there is nothing to know... knowing is in relativity... and what is beyond the relative mind and experience is eternally unchanging and the same... it does not mean that you have any sense of superiority – in fact you have just found out that you are not, and that which is eternal has never been born... (that all important self ego dies in that moment – when you don't exist what ego is there to hold onto?) This is simply seen as an extended dream state... so of what importance are we in the end... What IS is simply that !9

Pure Pristine LIFE ENERGY – Self Effulgent – Consciousness... which has nothing to do with your personality – that self of limitation – what-so-ever... If ALL of this ended in a moment, simply THAT remains... of course, you still move according to nature... and what unfolds – continues to unfold... Life unfolds... and it is Divine in Nature... you enjoy the dream for what it is... but trust me, you are never deluded into thinking that you have any great importance in relationship to anyone else, or that you have any mission that you must complete... simply you move with the on flowing unfolding drama called life... What i called the path was simply the search... when the search has ended then simply life remains to be lived in each moment...Like the buddhist saying goes, before enlightenment you chop wood and carry water, (the moment of enlightenment occurs) (which is simply no more than seeing the reality behind the illusion) and after enlightenment, you chop wood and carry water.....i hope this clarifies the preceding statement...

No one is higher or lower S: This is not about making peace, Ganga, it is about accepting what you say as gospel. How non-dual is that? G: Who is asking you to accept anything? And non-duality means that there is simply ONE... ONE consciousness that manifests as the many.... don't accept anything.... go into the silence and find out for yourself, that is all..... S: What are your credentials? G: What are any person’s "credentials?" "Credentials" only have validity as far as the relative world.... this is not a college course.... this is not something that is attained by a degree... but if you want to know, i have 35+ years of seeking with prayer and meditation and contemplation and self introspection..... am a minister – started out in an esoteric !10

Christian order .... am initiated into other traditions as well.... but that has nothing to do with my level of spiritual insight.... S: How many homeless have you sheltered and how many thousands have you fed? G: That is a low shot and i will not answer it... just suffice it to say that i give more than you know.... everyday.... but how much or by what means has nothing to do with what is being spoken about..... those that profess what they give are attempting to impress or buy their way into heaven.... and they have already their reward...... S: You know nothing about me and you are assuming you have an edge on everyone here. G: i assume nothing.... i have simply stated what i have discovered within my self – that is all.... it has nothing to do with you or where you are or who you are.... if you are threatened by that then i am sorry.... but it has nothing to do with judging you... S: That you speak from a pinnacle that you have attained, so you look down on people as not as evolved... you'd be surprised exactly who you’re talking to, and who you are making these claims to. G: I make no claims.... simply once again i have stated what has been my experience along the way.... i do not look down on anyone.... if you would once again read what has been written you would see that i have stated that NO ONE is higher or lower.... THAT ALL are the same essence.... so where are you reading this into.... you are right, i do not know who you are... nor does it matter.... my experience is my experience – that is all.... you can accept it or reject it.... i do not ask you to follow me... i do not seek anyone or anything.... simply i state honestly what my experience has been.... and if it helps someone along the way, then fine.... it is not done to "impress" anyone.... no matter what you may think.... that is !11

your own ideation.... it is coming from your own conditionings... and your own view.... in my mind, there is nothing done for "glory" – there is no one to "impress"... All are only aspects of the ONE BEING.... so what is there to impress.... what is there to be looked down on..... simply there is none...... S: Many traditions consider your claims blasphemous, a true indication of an inflated ego. G: By that i am sure that you mean Christianity.... perhaps you may want to read more on the Christian mystics..... what is stated is not blasphemous.... ALL has proceeded from Source, is Sustained by Source, and returns to Source..... Source is the essence of every living being... and many traditions accept it as a viable reality..... you mis-understand.... i do not claim to be God as any individual.... when you go through that samadhi experience, the sense of you as a personality or having ever existed apart from the ONE Essence shatters.... in non-duality, the maya realm or this plane is seen as simply the stuff of dreams.... the Constant is the non-changing reality which makes the transient possible..... an inflated ego thinks it controls existence.... and the human form controls nothing.... and believe me, when you go into that samadhi, you know you are nothing in the end..... so what is the ego in that.... i know that all that exists is the source beyond any form or personality.... E: No one is arguing with you, it's just that you’re being questioned. It's important to use discretion with any teacher, don't you think? G: There is a difference in being questioned and having it insinuated that you are either 1) lying and having ulterior motives... or 2) that you are looking for some large accolades.... once again, i came forth only and simply to state what my experience has been with the kundalini.... how it has affected my life and my awareness... where it has led to.... !12

what reality has emerged... and what i have stated is no different than what has been the experience of for one gopi krishna.... if you think that i have been judging anyone then you are mis-perceiving.... there is no one to be judged... if you think that i am seeing myself in anyway superior then once again i must categorically deny that.... ALL are simply aspects of the ONE.... all are simply sparks from the ONE FLAME... ONCE AGAIN, I ASK NO ONE TO ACCEPT MY EXPERIENCE POINT BLANK.... MY EXPERIENCE IS MY EXPERIENCE.... but that experience is valid within the confines of advaitic tradition.... first came the experience and then the reading on what is advaita..... first came the experience and then the seeing what is written on kundalini.... that is all....

Kundalini - Then and Now, In the World or Out G: While going through the process, there was a time of great love and compassion.... a state of divine love.... then there was a time of being what was like a walking death state.... that lasted for approx. 1-2 years.... time frames are difficult to access any longer..... but when all of that ended, there was the loss of body consciousness in ever increasing patterns..... next came the loss of self-identity and a merging in the ONE.... from there was a state of Bliss, it is a different feeling than that of the Divine Love.... how to explain it – the Love is there but the Bliss is a sense of Completion, a Wholeness..... a state of ONENESS.... and for me there is no longer the great emotion.... the BLISS is internal.... there is no longer any feeling of attachments.... no anxiety... no emotional upheavals.... outwardly there appears to be emotion, but inwardly there is either no identification with it.... or simply BLISS... There are no thoughts ... simply silence.... when awareness rests in the heart then Bliss is ever present.... the body consciousness loss was in ’99 increasing to loss of self-

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identity in October of ’99.... since then, i rest in a silent awareness of unfolding life experience.... although there is an awareness and a watching and even when engaged within the life play of the moment there is no feeling of attachment to any of it...... i am finding that each day it appears that it becomes more difficult to access relative thought patterns to communicate what is happening.... sometimes it is easier than others.... but the logical thinking process of attempting to retrieve anything that is past this moment is becoming increasingly difficult..... who knows what will emerge.... i am attempting to stay within the flow of the world but find it is increasingly easier just to stay within the silence...... This may just be a personal experience as there is no desire arising for continued interaction within the world.... who knows that may change... but this is how it is now...... For one year there was a lot of interaction and movement and connection within the world; now it is diminishing each day...... Others are not yet aware that anything is changing greatly at this point... but i am seeing the movement of nonmovement.... the ever increasing inner Constant (nonmovement) which is becoming the outer experience overlapping the transient movements within the world...... each day there is more dis-identification as a singular personality.... being able to access and assess what is happening as an observer is increasingly difficult.... attempting to hold onto the consciousness of the singular drop in the ocean is becoming increasingly difficult..... it is not easy to explain.... S: Is this something you choose? G: It is not a conscious choice as such..... S: Do you feel you do not have a choice, it simply Is?

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G: On this side, yes, it simply IS.... whether or not any choice is, who knows.... perhaps this quote sums it up..... "You have the choice of this high clear loving peace, or the storms of human existence".... there is no longer a desire for the storms of human existence...... in that you could say there is a choice..... but this is not something that is held by effort..... it is the natural outcome which is unfolding..... S: Are you saying you are more or less becoming an empty garment of flesh? Meaning the flesh has no further purpose for you? G: It appears to be so..... there is much less involvement in the flesh..... it seems to be decreasing.... who knows if this will change? i simply am at each moment in the eternal now of existence..... the relative thought process becomes at times nil...... it is with great effort that it is accessed... please do not think that it is as becoming some robotic existence.... it is not at all.... i am more alive than ever..... but am finding that solitude is easier, more simple, more fulfilling.....and interaction with others has become less easy.... to express outwardly – to create that duality – is increasingly difficult..... as the inner realm and reality changes, the outer perceptions change.... the outer is receding in one sense..... although still within the world, am becoming ever closer to not being of it...... moving as if in a singular world..... am finding that mundane conversation is becoming increasingly difficult to access..... it has no meaning in my life.... How to explain the feeling of it? It is almost surreal in nature.... it is like being involved in some bizarre movie.... not fluid any longer, as far as small talk.... small talk no longer has any meaning: within the silence is the natural Self..... without is the personality of ego self...... it is easier at this point to be within...... S: All of the above questions have within them duality, which is of human expression. !15

G: There is nothing wrong in human expression.... but it is at this moment more difficult to access the outward life...... S: Is your experience something on some level we all would “choose?” G: How can i answer that? There is no presumption on this end of what anyone else will choose or not choose...... who knows what will move you? Where the inner Self will guide? What experience you go towards.... But within for me is absolute peace..... there is Bliss..... do not think it is a sterile existence.... sterile, yes, in that am at this point untouched by the mundane worries and fears and endless thoughts...... but not sterile in that i am not in a vacuum..... there is life everywhere.... S: Is this what we will evolve to as humans? G: i do not know this answer.... what comes is a Divine Mystery.... i no longer "know" any answers..... nor is there any desire to know...... the only thing that is "known" is that we are ever within the Eternal Now.... and that our Being beyond the bodily form is Life..... Empty in Nature – Eternally the Same on the Inner Plane yet outwardly with the appearance of constant change and Evolution...... this is ALL that is known..... for me, there is nothing that remains to be clung to and known.... relative knowledge comes and goes.... it is a momentary experience.... the Constant experience which is Self is Eternally the Same...... ONE that has the appearance of diverse manifested Cosmology, the infinite Universes called Life...... and i AM this Life.... S: Your message carries no feeling tone, at least as I read it. Have you stopped feeling? G: It is different..... there is feeling on one level..... but it is not the same as before..... there is no clinging to any emotion..... what emotion arises is fleeting in nature.... it is there, then it is gone..... but within is the constant background of Peace and !16

Calm..... even in the midst of emotion.... and when that range of emotion passes... what remains is the Calm.... the inner silence...... S: Feeling being now moment, and emotion begin feeling with history/memory attached. G: Once in a while, something will happen which will trigger a re-living of a moment.... but that is infrequent.... it is seen and felt and rapidly passes away into the emptiness from which it rose..... but for the most part, there is simply this moment in time..... there is no longer any active reflection on any past moment.... nor looking and anticipating any future moment.... that all seems to be dying away...... it is not a sad thing..... life may only be lived in this moment..... is not calm and peace in one sense a type of feeling? Although they are not clung to they are there..... they are the screen on which all else plays in momentary scenes.... when the scene is over, that background remains and IS...... S: Are you slipping away? G: The me as in singular personality is un-important..... there is no clinging any longer in that need to "be"..... I AM..... whether or not this personality remains is not an issue..... that which is the seed of my Being simply IS..... whether in this form of personality or not no longer matters.... if this is the last so-called life then that is fine.... if there is another life then that is also fine.... the me is incidental..... what is slipping away? There is nothing to slip away.... nothing that is lost in the end..... the me in one sense has clung to transitory experience and thereby faced death many times.... yet that is not the true me..... the true me has never been born nor has ever died..... that Eternal IS...... Constant and un-changing... beyond the me of singular ideation as a limited form..... S: Is this the Ultimate Experience?

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G: i do not propose to know what is the "Ultimate Experience"..... S: And in asking that, that equates with feeling tone, which possibly does not exist in the state you write of. G: i am simply where i am in THIS moment......

On Creativity and Spirituality G: This was a questionnaire that i received that asked about my life and experience for possible inclusion in a book. 1. Please tell me a little bit about yourself, your background, and when and how you first became interested in the spiritual. G: Namaste - You could say that my only subject now is Truth and here is my personal story. Born in the US, i was a searcher for truth at a young age. At the age of 18, i joined an esoteric christian order, etc. 2. What form(s) does your creative ability take? Have you always been considered creative or talented? Or did your creative abilities "appear" at some point in your life? If so, please describe. (Although I am referring to music, art, writing, and the other traditional types of creative expression, you might also include such abilities as an ability to parent creatively or to find solutions to life's difficulties, etc.) G: At one time, was a singer, but now everything has moved into writing. Although the singing did evolve with the flow of the spiritual life, but, would have to say most definitely that it has moved into writing as the primary. When the mind dropped into silence the writings began to appear in consciousness and it has progressed from there. Sometimes, subjects would appear in the screen of consciousness as a whole concept. Other times, words came line upon line in

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succession until the writing was complete and now it just appears directly, not heard and translated but simply appearing out of the pregnant void into awareness. 3. Have you ever had - or do you have - what you would consider a profound or extraordinary spiritual experience(s)? If so, please describe in detail, including any physical, auditory, or visual sensations that occurred; how long the experience lasted, and the changes it brought about in your life. (Please note that I'm leaving it up to you to decide what a "profound or extraordinary spiritual experience" is - so you can include anything you think is one. It also may be that you wouldn't define your experiences as "profound" but in some other way, for example, "recurring" or "on-going" or "gradually transformative." Please don't hesitate to describe these experiences.) PLEASE NOTE QUESTIONS MAY OVERLAP. G: There have been many along the way, each progressing me towards center, each taking me closer to the Core of Being, many coming from the mind into consciousness and the last taking me from the individualization of ego ideation into the implosion which leaves the awareness of the Great Impersonal Core of Being - that purity called Abstract Intelligence or the Formless Constant or Source or Brahman. The last was not an experience per say as experience is of mind and form. The last takes you beyond mind and thought into that great Pregnant Void beyond I AM which is at the heart and center from which all creation stems. So, which experience would you wish to explore. Those along the way or the last that appears and takes you to the disappearance of the world and self-identification. There were the gradual unfolding experiences of lights, kundalini energy, etc., but the last two were the ultimate transformational happenings. 4. Have you ever had an experience of mystical union? (Some of the forms this commonly takes include a sense of "oneness" with the divine; oneness with nature; a loss of the !19

sense of separation from the divine or from others; union with the feminine or masculine divine nature; an awareness of the "oneness" of all things). Please describe. G: Yes, it started first with a oneness with nature and it progressed into a feeling of oneness of love and compassion with all of humanity. But then, it progressed into a feeling of the great sorrow of humanity, a wrenching of heart and mind, sorrow that is not only your own. At times the weight was more than one could bear. From there into the dark- dark night of the soul where there is a going into the land of the dead so to speak. There is nothing but endless unfeelingness, a walking zombie. In this, you pray for death for death would be easier to endure than this walking hell. But then once again it transforms and the great awakening begins. Things progress until you can slow the mind and stay within the moment. Then the last barriers and conditionings fall. First you move into knowing not from intellect but like a light switch, all of the sudden that you are not the body, nor mind, nor emotions and like a miracle a freedom is there. All of the pain of life and other lives is immediately at an end and you enter into that Pristine Clarity that you are purity itself at the core and from there body awareness goes. It becomes difficult to even walk at times, but, one more barrier is there. It had come to the point of the wall, when all was surrendered then all at once there was a great fear that rose. Knowing that this was the time for the ultimate sacrifice for truth, on the precipice of the great unknown and unknowable, intuitively knowing that something would not survive this oncoming experience but in faith there was a transcending, a lapse into that place which is beyond mind and the transient realm, there is no awareness of this world nor seeing with the eyes nor hearing with the ears, the you ceases to be and what is beyond the transient is rested in, no longer a within or a without, simply Source or Essence at the Core of Being remains. How long within that eternal moment i know not for i was alone. !20

Whether a second or days there is no remembrance and when coming back to body and senses the great change has been wrought. It would never be the same world as before, that self that was disappeared and simply the Great Impersonal remains and remains to this day. 5. Have you ever experienced any visions of light? If so, please describe them in detail, including whether the light appeared to be inside or outside yourself and the state you were in at the time. G: Yes, along the way there were internal lights and a seeing of external lights. The internal ranged from gold to pure white, the outward a blue circle. Some call it the blue pearl. It was there for a few months. The state was within my normal state of existence. It was not within a meditative sitting, it was ongoing in normal consciousness. 6. Have you ever experienced unusual sensations of heat - or of "energy" moving or rushing through your body? Have you ever experienced spontaneous yoga postures or other physical movement associated with the flow of this "energy?" If so, please describe. G: Yes, with the laying on of hands by Father Blighton while in the Esoteric Order the Holy Order of Mans during one nightly devotional service, a great gold light about 4 inches across went through my body like a large lightning bolt. i was in a samadhi state after that and from that time saw auras and energies. After some time, that settled. Then approximately 10 years later, when sitting down to meditate, suddenly there was a vibration at the end of the spine and then a raging heat rose up the spine. The energy continued on from that time until completion just this last year. At times it became so hot that it felt as if i might spontaneously combust. At one point a flame pattern appeared by the heart chakra area and lasted for approximately a month and then an ice cold sensation filled that area. During this, spontaneous hand mudras and postures !21

took place for some time. At times during the process, pictures that were taken would come back with lights showing. One time there was a large gold light coming from the crown of the head while from around the waist there emerged a fog or mist. The picture was taken during a sunny day. This phenomenon happened on many occasions with many different cameras and different persons taking the photos. 7. Have you ever had an experience of what might be called the Divine Feminine, of the divine as "Mother," of or any other aspects of what might be thought of as the feminine side of the divine? If so, were these experiences related in any way to your creativity. G: Not per say. There was an awareness that maya was Mother and the formless Constant would be termed Father, although there is no male nor female in the end. The division only happens within the world and realm of duality, beyond that there is no male, nor female. 8. How has the feminine side of your nature developed over the course of your experiences? How has the masculine side of your nature developed? G: At one point there was the belief that tantra would be needed to balance such energies. But going beyond that, i found that it was just an ideation and concept that had in the end no more validity than that which your mind creates, sustains, and holds. If your mind believes that it is needed then the form and emotion will create that need. But in truth beyond it is no male nor female. Therefore, it is a selfgenerated ideation and eventually will be moved beyond. 9. How do the spiritual and creative aspects of your life seem to intertwine or be related? Has there ever been a sudden change in your creative ability? Was it related to any of your spiritual/mystical experiences? Please include very specific examples if possible.

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G: Yes, when mind dropped and became silent then the poetry and writings appeared. Also there is a small booklet that emerged from this. You may read it at this site. It contains using creativity in creating your ritual and worship, creating your own altar and ceremony to bring you into a spiritual life and understanding. 10. If you follow a regular spiritual practice of any kind please describe it and how much of your time you spend at it, etc. G: There is no longer any practice as such but life has moved into just being the Truth of Advaita in motion. i now have a number of list groups and a website. Satsang takes place each day. Meditation as most people understand it is continual. Although no longer a practice, it simply is. Relative mind recedes for the most part. If any thought arises it passes like a cloud with no substance. But for the most part simply silence IS. All of life is a puja. When you are One within and without, ritual is no longer needed for connection or validation. 11. Has any change in your spiritual practice ever had an effect on your creativity or your creative output? If so, please describe. G: Yes, when simplifying life and existence and slowing into the moment and allowing every action to become a meditative happening that affected and moved me into the no-mind state and then the creative emerged. 12. Has your creativity or creative expression ever had an effect on your spiritual or psychological growth? Please describe. G: Yes, one feeds the other just like ritual connects the inner and outer realities. Being that mine took the form of spiritual writings, it moved me closer to center. First the words emerged as concepts and then they were actualized as Truth and Known by direct experience. !23

13. Have you ever had what you would consider a dramatic, profound, or extraordinary experience of creative inspiration? Do you have on-going or recurrent experiences of inspiration? If so please describe in detail, including what you believe the source of this inspiration is. G: Yes, it continues. This is where all of the writings from the sites arise. What is the source. You have just stated it - the Source or Core of Being, the Pregnant Void which all creation comes from, where all returns to. Mankind emerges from God and then once again is re-absorbed back into That Which IS. Beyond the limitational form is That Eternal One, ever the same and unchanging, which makes the form possible. Into this, one merges and loses the ideation of a separate ego form. 14. If you have faced difficulties - or difficult decisions related to your spiritual growth or creativity, please describe some of the most significant ones and how they evolved. Please include how they have been resolved if this has occurred. G: Yes, not having anyone to guide me i turned to the medical profession, big mistake. They diagnosed and re-diagnosed, tested me for temporal lobe epilepsy. After two weeks of monitoring it was established that it was definitely not. After the testing it was seen that i remained much time in a sort of light trance type state, a samadhi as you will. 15. Please describe some of the most important lessons you feel you have learned from your spiritual/creative experiences. Please be sure to include details of not just what you learned, but how you learned it, and what transpired in the process. G: That we are all only a singular organism stemming from the Abstract realm of Intelligence which takes up residence in form and due to the brain and the form we become the concept of limitation and explore the myriad sensory and mind created plays of diversity. But in the end, we are not !24

these limited structures which come and go in the transient realms but are the Great Impersonal Awareness, that which gives us the ability of consciousness. We are simply that Awareness beyond form and the transient. In Emptiness does form arise, in the Constant does the transient take place. We are both the Constant and the ever changing transient and it is non-dual in nature. My Path to Self - or self is Not - the concise story 


G: Namaste Dear One – My story starts with the search for Truth at a young age. There were various paths traveled - Hindu, Buddhist, esoteric Christian. While there was "knowledge" gained from each of these paths, none of the practices took me to realization or to a long standing peace. While it is not known how they contributed to the final awakening, it is known that they were the outcome of previous karmas and conditionings, life moved to its inevitable conclusion. While young and having connections with the Hari Krishna movement, one day standing in the Los Angeles Temple, Prabhupada coming in from his morning walk motioned me to follow him. Others were looking and wondering why? As i was not an initiate therefore it was highly irregular to be invited for a private talk. We went to his apartment quarters where he had me garland his deities. At that point he said point blank "you are going to reach realization within this lifetime". i thanked him for that and then left for the rest of the unfolding adventure. While in the esoteric Christian order, Father Blighton laid hands upon my head during the evening ceremonies and at once a gold bolt of light shot through the body. From that point the kundalini had been activated. He simply said “you have just gone through the first stage of enlightenment.” From !25

that point on, a samadhi was entered into. This lasted for a few days, a short glimpse into a witness state, of Being an integral part of the whole, yet a feeling of un-involvement. It then receded into a "normal" state of awareness. From there the art of prayer and manifesting was gleaned, but it was not realization nor did it bring Peace. The search continued throughout the years within much prayer and just a wanting Truth at any cost. There was much internal and mental pain that was not letting go. No matter what was being learned or gravitated to, the pain and despair continued. The dark night of the soul continued for so many years that i was praying for death, just for liberation, whatever that may be. i knew that suicide was not a way out, whatever needed to be transcended would only have to be played through again. At least this was the thinking, the mindset. There was continued prayer and searching in every avenue for Truth and Liberation. There of course came momentary glimpses, little epiphanies along the way and with the ever expanding relative "knowledge" i thought that more wisdom was being gained, more practices, more energy, more knowledge. While in San Francisco just sitting down to have a latte at Café Trieste suddenly the mind dropped out, utter silence. There was shock at first and then simply messages moved across the screen of consciousness. Writings started to appear, not from intellect but from a merging Oneness, although this Oneness was not known at that time. Still the pain continued, with interludes of silent mind wherein messages of a spiritual nature would rise and take form. Still the peace did not come. There was a wanting, a desire for that to which the messages pointed, and i thought i knew what the messages were pointing to; after all, i understood the words. But, the content was not "known," it was simply known about. There was an awareness, an inner knowing that my path would complete as

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such in India. How or why this understanding was there is not known, simply it was. In the summer of ‘99, the way cleared to go to India. i was under the impression that a guru was not needed nor wanted, that i needed to have a tantric path to "balance" the energies of the out-of-control kundalini. Well, of course, the universe knows best and indeed did meet my teacher who was skilled within the art of Tantra. When we met it was known by both immediately that he had something to transmit to me. The universe had set up this meeting, it was apparent, it was clear, it was just as it was. It was not the kundalini that needed to be balanced, it was the self-identification that needed to be broken through. Although my Guru was skilled in the ways of Tantra it was not through Tantra that realization was entered. Within the Grace of this Guru he hit me over the head with a 2x4 so to speak, just pulled the rug out from under me until i was literally mute for a day and a half. But something was jarred loose and it resulted in having the direct awareness of not being the body - emotions or mind. At that point, all the trauma and pain dissipated in a moment, like a switch being thrown. "I" was not the body - mind - nor emotions, so what am "I." From that point body awareness started to go, still it was not realization. My Guru had his way to go. Upon his leaving, once again on my own, i stayed in Rishikesh. Walking and sitting by the Ganges the consciousness was seeing the transient nature of the world, that there is nothing to hold here, that nothing may be held, in fact, that the only constant is the patterns of unfolding change, moment by moment. There was staying in the moment, living only the moment at hand. Then, one day IT happened. Knowing that everything that could be done on that path was done, i was drained, exhausted. There was no strength left within. i sat down by the Ganges and all at once this great fear rose up. It felt like death, something was not going to survive. There was a moment of !27

decision to move forward into this seeming darkness to KNOW the truth. There was a feeling that something would not survive this encounter and all at once there was no longer an "I." The person that came to India no longer existed. But, what was entered into was more Real than anything within the temporal realm. It was not seen with the eyes nor perceived with the ears, nor known with the mind. It was beyond description. It was Source..... No Personality.... No Identity...... Formless Constant..... That which Gives Light and meaning to All that IS....... Yet it is devoid itself of any properties....... oh the Great Mystery..... If the world ended completely, still IT would BE...... Ever untouched by the ever changing events of the transient realm...... and I, minus the I, am THAT. Coming back into some semblance of mind and self, there was no personal identification that remained. Here, i am yet i am not, nor ever have been. From that moment life has been flowing, transparent, One beyond division. It is not separate from the Source being that it is empty in nature. So, in the end, it was not the practices but Grace that preceded the Happening, the Shattering of Self and all Concepts and Ideations within One Split second, beyond all Time, Beyond all Boundaries. What remains has always been, only unseen, unknown due to the separation by knowledge and mind and body identifications. All relative knowledge went out the door, it just seeped away. Bliss and Peace remains. Life is lived within the Eternal Moment Complete within itself. In the end, there was just laughing, the great cosmic joke revealed. That which had been longed for, searched for, has never been separate from. That is ALL that exists. It is only my self that is the illusion.....hahahahahahahahaha......

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II. Gurus, Masters

Speaking of the Guru The Guru Speaks G: How the Guru speaks... All "knowledge" all wisdom proceeds from the Silence of Source. You are only a mouthpiece and instrument. It comes not from intellect; it comes and goes like the waves on a lake and then once again subsides into the vast ocean of Bliss. This is the speaking of the Guru. Never assume that personality is speaking; although the mouth moves, it comes directly from Pure Consciousness Alone. As a personality, I do not know what will proceed from the mouth. This is why it is ever interesting to the Guru. When the students ask, the answer proceeds forth and the Self is not moved, it is ever still. But the form is seen to speak and answers are given. It is a never ending mystery. I am conscious only of the Bliss, the One and beyond the One.

Masters, Truth and Ego S: Are you interested in the knowledge gained from a full awakening? From what I understand, it is a rare occurrence. Upon completion, I was told that my job here was a teacher. I guess I’m sort of stuck with the job if I intend to fulfill my destiny. I’m kind of coming out of the closet with this in that I have been avoiding it most of my adult life. G: OK - what is the knowledge that you have gained? What is it that you have to share? What is there to teach? And what can be taught versus directly experienced? Who told you it was your "job" to be a teacher? What is it that determines your

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"destiny"? (Notice: this is not intended to be cynical just to ask you to look at this intently before answering.) S: I went back and read your letter through shared transformation, sounds like you had a really rough time once on the path. If only you were here this would be easy, but the prospect of doing this through the mail with words is going to be a somewhat lengthy undertaking. I’ve never tried this before but you are definitely a worthy being and I will do my best at answering your 6 questions to the best of my ability. Off the top of my head I would have to say that part of the understanding you require is the perception that the process within you is simply trying to lead you to a conclusion forcing you to correct your direction to complete the process (to spiritual enlightenment). You are right princess, it’s all about truth. Truth is knowledge in its purity. Your subconscious is limited in nature to symbols, signs, visions, dreams, involuntary movements, leading you to answers, etc... It does its best but is very hard to follow in that we are not taught how except through those who are further along. It has been written that only 1 or 2 kundalini masters walk the earth at one time. My definition of a kundalini master is one who has completed the process correctly and can lead you to (spiritual enlightenment) correctly as given to us. Moses himself placed the coals in the hearth in the tabernacle; they are there yet to this day for us to taste. I know so, for I have tasted such myself, given to me in the same manner as those before me. G: My dear ONE, if you think that there are only one or two "masters" that walk the earth at a time and that you are one of them – then you have further to go..... Only "ego" perceives that it has "anything" that it must accomplish..... You answered not the 6 questions.... only what your limited ideations "think" that this illusion of i needs.... If your path had completed and you were ready to be a teacher you would also realize that there is NOTHING to be "taught".... Truth of Being or Self is never taught; it is only pointed to and even !30

then – it is only Self that appears to reveal it to self through the illusion of another Being.... Only Source IS.... All else is only the transient dream of the surface waves of moving consciousness... And That which IS beyond the division of egoic illusions of self is where ALL rests and proceeds from and returns to.... so just what is it that the all important master of you is going to teach..... your illusion of egoic self is getting in the way again.... lol.... There is no princess nor a prince – simply the One beyond form and gender and ideations of limited conceptualizations..... S: It really hurt me that I could be so misunderstood. I asked you for nothing. I asked neither for your help nor your guidance. G: How can a "master" be so hurt? Who contacted who out of the blue with offers to guide and direct... with implications that there are only one or two masters on earth and you happen to be one of them..... If "you" are hurt then ego still remains and you have not finished the path nor have found the Truth.... if you had you would have found that the "you" is simply no more real or evident than a dream...... S: I wrote to you simply as one spirit to another based on the fact that you gave the impression that you were so very strong on truth. My approach to you was only to compare notes and my letter to you had nothing to do with the six questions you requested of me. G: If you had been asking to check with me as a fellow traveler and to compare notes then that should have been stated... instead of implying that you are a highly involved individual and master.... that is WHY the questions were asked... to get you to look at your approach.... to get you to come to the point of discussing just what it is that you want to impart.....

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S: …which I sincerely decided to try to do in some way form or manner, out of sincerity and honesty to the best of my being. I am but a poor spirit who walks the earth same as you. G: Well now here is an interesting turn of events... in one moment you imply mastership and in the next you are a "poor spirit".... a poor spirit has nothing to impart to anyone.... except your false humility... please.... this is not meant to be harsh it is simply a wake-up call.... if you are sincere and honest then BE sincere and honest..... S: One thing that strikes me odd is that you stated that at a very early age you desired knowledge as to the direction of your being, and as soon as you were given proof (their crosses glowing in their respective colors) that others forced you out... because their minds were closed?? G: No one forced me out.... i left on my own due to that fact it was time... being in a place where jealousy and politics are in full swing is not conducive to a spiritual search for wisdom... since coming in there was the one pointed focus and desire to "know" the Truth at any cost... at any price.... and God revealed that which was con-cealed.... Through prayer and Silence and contemplation the Truth was revealed.... S: It would seem that you now have become the same as them... with your mind closed. G: What closed mind.... i asked what it was that you had to impart.... that is all.... to look at what are you teaching? What is there to teach.... S: I’m not the one stuck in the process my friend. The process only proves that there is a way out of here and with purity of heart and a few simple tools... spiritually... one can pass through. But, the door is locked; it was locked when Christ came into the world. G: On the contrary it was opened when Christ came in.... On the cross the temple veil was rent... torn .... the Holy of Holies !32

was now opened to All.... all that are willing to sacrifice their lives on the altar of Truth.... those that are willing to tread the path of Christ... all the way.... It takes absolute Faith and Surrender into the Silence to reach.... the Christian mystics reached.... how? Not because the way was locked. The fires purify.... the dross is melted away and only the Pure Undiluted Pristine Consciousness Remains.... beyond speech and thought and maya’s play of illusory truths...... And in THAT SILENCE when ego dies the death in life the Truth is revealed.... no longer seen as through a glass darkly..... S: It’s all so very wonderfully simple. If you ever decide to seek the truth again in your life and are willing to experiment a little on your own, your rewards will be great. G: There is no alone to experiment with.... there is simply the ONE... no division.... No us and God... Only God alone IS.... THAT which is also called the Formless Constant... beyond aspects and any pre-conceived notions.... Bliss and the Emptiness that is Pregnant with ALL that has been and will be.... The great Void.... That WHICH IS.... Beyond even the One which within itself called forth the division called Existence and Maya.... Beyond the "I Am That I Am"..... within THAT 0... that is ever undivided... untouched by the play of movement’s energy, which appears to congeal into form.... and power.... shakti.... that which moves is construed as power, that which is still is simply the light of truth... the Constant.... S: As your teacher, I would advise you to cover 3 books of knowledge...the hindu philosophical system of meditation (which you have already covered pretty much), get a good older bible, and the Book of Mormon (history of the Jews from 600 BC straight out of Jerusalem) if you are inteligent enough to do so? G: i don't recall asking you to be my "teacher".... isn't that a little egotistical? First you were alluding to being a master... !33

then simply a poor soul... hmmm then a friend.... now my teacher and IF i am intelligent enough to do so.... by the way intelligent is spelt with two ‘l’s.... You are still in the Book of Mormon please move on.... you will NOT find the truth there.... and what was in the Bible has already been opened to my awareness years ago.... and as far as meditation... there is no longer an i to meditate... there is no longer any relative thought processes that clog perception and awareness.... if you are in ONE pointed focus long enough... with sincerity of heart and see ALL of life as a puja or sacrifice to God... and then in ONE moment the time will come where you move beyond time... and the great death is faced... and you lay upon the altar of Truth... never to arise again to the illusion of ego self.... when subject and object end in the Ever Present Silence the Truth of Being IS – re-vealed... the veil is lifted..... and you "know" there is nothing to know.... maya is simply a play of the moment... That Which IS is ETERNALLY the SAME..... and guess what, It's not lost.... realization is the great cosmic joke... ALL that exists is that which you term God.... you are an empty illusion of truth... seeming to have a separate existence while in body and mind emotion play.... but that which is taken to be you is NOT..... There is NOTHING to learn.... only to find that there is nothing to KNOW..... except God ALONE..... and God is not a personality and form.... Simply God is Pure Abstract Intelligence.... Pure Undiluted Conscious Being which brings light and life to the play of form.... S: You see my friend... every religion has pieces to the puzzle, and every culture has expressions describing the k process. There is a mandala in your culture that imprints the path on your subconscious. It is referred to as the original kundalini mandala. The outside is a snake all the way around the border with his tail inserted into his mouth to complete the circle... inside are the 12 signs of the zodiac each with its correct symbol etc. emanating from the inner circle to the outer and !34

inside the inner circle are two pyramids one having the 3rd eye in its center with a bunch of symbols and signs all over the place. G: Ah yes the kundalini mystery.... there is no mystery at the end of the path.... the mystery and symbology only have to do with mind’s illusions.... In SELF enquiry the kundalini process is moved forward in leaps and bounds.... If you know when to surrender.... there is a path – the path of Christ..... and in the right moment surrender and death which liberates.... and you find out that you were never bound... all that keeps you bound are your own illusions and your play of energies and secret mysteries.... etc., etc.... In the end you will find the Peace Which Passes ALL Understanding .... and you will bathe in the Rivers of Living Waters and find out that Sin is a delusion of mind and ego.... THAT WHICH SUSTAINS and IS the HEART of your BEING is EVER - SINLESS – STAINLESS – PURE – EMPTY AWARENESS – BLISS – UNMANIFEST TO MANIFEST TRUTH..... Now my self that was in delusion and mastership.... just what intelligence should be used to gain this secret knowledge that you have.... it is only when you drop all that nonsense that the Truth will be Un-veiled... that the illusions will end once and for all..... Once ALL is surrendered.... just who is the one who does? Only ego perceives doing? Self is simply THAT WHICH MAKES THE DOING POSSIBLE and is AWARE OF the ego’s play.... the fall of mankind in the garden.... from paradise to earth.... why? To "know" good from evil.... ALL they had was the GOOD.... so what the One came to experience was the illusion of evil... light and dark... polarity... male/ female... etc., etc.... the paradoxes which in the end do not exist.... When the play of ego ends then Bliss ALONE remains.... S: Ask your masters if they have traveled the path from start to finish, and if they have and received a stone with a name on

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it only they would know, send them to me for we have something to share. G: You ask your masters. The masters exist only within your own heart of being. ALL comes from the ONE Alone, there is NO other, no masters, no you, no me. The Power and Light are within the Sun not the rays, the rays are simply extensions of the One SUN. We are simply extensions of the ONE light, and, when the process ends, the power ends and simply the Light remains.

Giving Hard Hitting Truths: The 2x4 Method G: At the crux of all the spiritual practices in the end... to come simply to the point of knowing that you are not the body – mind – or emotions and illusions which you are clinging to... if more psychologists and psychiatrists had people practice vipassana and Neti Neti instead of entrenching trauma by repeatedly living it over and over again many people would recover much faster... S: I'm thinking about another idea that I will run by you in time. G: Absolutely ready to hear any of your ideas once they are in place... S: These forums can sometimes be difficult with having many people with differing views, sometimes not respectful or polite. I have not seen anyone do this to you yet, but in some cases you have people taking shots at you under the guise of clarification or seemingly innocent inquires with a pointed edge. Some people you have to eject or be extremely direct with. I had a guy once posting porno pics (and lousy ones at that lol) on one of my forums to try to shock and tick people off. I had to go into the moderated mode with that forum for a couple of weeks until he finally gave up. On my new forum, I

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can block out such shenanigans with what is know as an IP blocker. G: AH yes went through this the other day... with an online conversation... someone that is accessing my site... he decided he was going to play (excuse the expression) mind fuck... under the guise of clarifying non-duality and the Self versus the self... the classic intellectual i know it syndrome... (lol) then he sends me an e-mail yesterday that says i shouldn't give up on him... the classic do it again... and that we should respect each other’s views... then he uses a quote from Ramakrishna... well that was just the avenue that was needed... so i sent back some "quotes" from Ramakrishna that hit hard... what people don't understand is that we have nothing to gain by putting ourselves on the line... there is nothing to prove "realization"... there is nothing that may be handed to another to give them that experience... and of course if they haven't come to that experience themselves then it of course does not exist and you are (excuse the expression) full of bullsh*t... or you are on an ego trip... argghhhh... so what to do... if you make yourself available to others you also are open to crucifixion... There are those that do not want to hear the Truth... after all if they don't have it then neither does anyone else... so what to do... this is the reality of kaliyuga... as you know i am sure that you are wrong if you do and wrong if you don't... and what people don't realize is sometimes the 2x4 method is the greatest compassion... i have had to be resorting to that one a lot lately... unfortunately more often than not the Durga and Kali methods of direct in your face Truth are much needed in this age of kaliyuga... and if you do use that direct Truth approach of course you are not "spiritual" because a "spiritual" person is Always soft spoken and allows the world to run over the top of them... they are so used to wolves in sheep’s clothing that con and cajole and feed the ego for a price... that when a true sheep appears they

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do not recognize it as such... once again the illusions of truth rear their heads... S: Because I also will not remain silent about any groups that are harmful or deceiving people. I have taken some flack, but as long as there is a breath in my body, I feel a human responsibility to bring such things to light in the hope that people will at the least make better choices before following blindly anyone or group that could harm them. As has been seen in the news, the worst case of blind following is death. To my dying day, I will never forget this woman, though I never met her in this life: It’s Too Perfect! Everyone Is So Loving And Caring! When you meet the friendliest people you have ever known, who introduce you to the most loving group of people you’ve ever encountered, and you find the leader to be the most inspired, caring, compassionate and understanding person you’ve ever met, and then you learn that the cause of the group is something you never dared hope could be accomplished, and All of this sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true! Don’t give up your education, your hope and ambitions to follow a rainbow. Jeanne Mills, former member of the People’s Temple and subsequent victim of assassination a year following the Nov. 18, 1978 Jonestown suicides/murders of 911 adults and children. G: Yes... i am the same way... how can you be different... truth becomes your only subject... what else is there? And to not speak the truth no matter what is to deny it... and that is not possible any longer... i could sit away in Bliss but why... that would not be according to my nature... so consciousness moves me into these avenues where the Kali in your face truth emerges... there was one baba here that was convinced that i was a manifestation of Kali (LOL) because i have no fear of any of these so-called babas... nor of any of these so-called gurus... it does not mean that i look for confrontations... but when they arise the Truth just comes out no matter how !38

strong... and it matters not... what's the worst that could happen that i lose my life... (LOL) once that ego death has been entered into you are already dead so to speak... death no longer holds any fear... it is simply the freeing of the consciousness from the limiting form... beyond the transitory experiences of the maya realm called life... and the adventure continues...

How the Guru works S: This is interesting stuff. Let me ask you a few questions and let you know my views of some things, so you will see, as they say, my perspective on these matters. G: Absolutely.... you are right to ask questions... and i am always open to answer anything... i am an open book so to speak.... there is nothing that should be hidden.... S: How would you help people? G: By helping walk them through the experience... by sharing what i have found to help... to share what took me a long time and a lot of pain to discover.... i went through the experience without a qualified teacher... i learned as you can say the hard way through trial and error.... a lot of error.... arghhhh.... went through a lot of needless pain that could have been shortcircuited.... i am simply one that offers words of encouragement and avenues of direction... each day i am on the web at 8AM sharp... barring the computer malfunctions which happen quite often in India.... so every day if anyone has a question i reply and stay in ready contact.... i simply see it as a natural progression along the way.... it is not easy to go through the kundalini experience, as you know.... there is very little written that is a reliable guide... the asanas and mudras and kriyas happen on their own.... when the fears and all the thoughts that have been locked in body and consciousness start emerging it can be quite frightening... taking on the !39

appearance of concrete reality... and if you do not know how to move through these experiences you can simply entrench them instead of diffusing.... and in going to some health professionals that do not understand the workings of the kundalini, once again, instead of helping the situation it can only be made worse.... so many wind up in psychiatric care that only serves to make the process longer in duration.... sometimes, yes, some medications can help, but some can be quite devastating..... in my process they wanted to diagnose everything from manic depressive to borderline personality disorder – to epilepsy – trust me, i know all the tests that you can be subjected to.... after monitoring for two weeks straight it was known that it was NOT temporal lobe epilepsy.... but during this time medications were given and those are quite toxic..... if you have been through the gamut of health care you know what is ok and what can be devastating..... seeking for a teacher that knew what was happening was a joke.... i found at that time no competent guru – what was being touted was simply theory.... when approaching them for concrete help and at least some understanding as to what was happening, i received nothing of value.... some were giving instructions that are absolutely to be avoided.... the last thing you should be doing is attempting to meditate and move the energy when it is on overload already..... they give out stuff that is more harmful than helpful..... and their full commitment was simply to just follow them blindly and give your undying devotion..... none.... and i repeat none that i found during that time were willing to work one on one with anyone.... and simply the nonsense that kundalini was always this blissful experience was the norm.... well it is not the norm.... it can be a long and painful process.... and only one that has walked in those shoes can understand another that is within that experience...... S: What would you seek from them?

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G: There is nothing to seek from them except that they make it through the experience in ONE Whole piece.... not in pieces.... i have never charged... it is against all that i believe in.... it is with great sadness that i live in Rishikesh and see all these so-called gurus that make their appearance and hand out crumbs for a big fee.... and then want you to kiss their feet in devotion.... it literally makes me ill..... so many here are being ravaged by these vultures.... posing as spiritual teachers.... Christ nor Buddha nor Rama Krishna nor Ramana Maharshi nor ANY teacher has EVER requested anything from those that come.... simply that they progress from illusions of truth and bondage to Freedom..... What is received is simply the BLISS which is ever present in one that gains liberation.... i need nothing from any that write or that come.... we bring nothing in and we take nothing out.... what i have is sufficient for this day. So what is needed? S: I must tell you quite frankly that I am more than a little turned off by Gurus and people who are saying they are enlightened. I don't know much about you, but I do like the sincerity in your story. Many people who post at my forum are soured on Gurus and people who say they are enlightened, due to many Spiritual Masters, and people claiming to be enlightened here in America and elsewhere turned out to be either screwed up or sexual abusers. This is backed up by many reports for many sources, including court documents. G: Admittedly true.... i recently had one such "enlightened" person troll my site for students...and even offered to teach me his great wisdom for a price.... There is nothing that is hidden that needs to be taught... you cannot teach truth – it must be discovered within the heart of your own being.... a spiritual teacher is someone that does not preach dogma and doctrine but one that directs you to discover the keys within your own heart.... the ultimate Guru is simply within the heart of your own Being.... it is never found within someone else.... Those that say they are "enlightened" and are God are speaking out !41

of ego.... and they have not reached to the truth.... otherwise they would know that all that exists as manifest is Source.... and that while maya realm has the appearance of reality it is simply not the ultimate reality... it is the transient... when you have reached to what is termed realization all that you held to be truth shatters in an instant.... This which you held to be reality is seen only to have as much impact as a dream at night has upon waking in the morning.... while the dream appears to be real while you are involved in it, upon waking what was the reality of the experience of the evening? It had value only during that moment.... it is the same thing.... and you find that the essence, the seed of Life, is Eternal... that you as personality are meaningless – you don’t have any great purpose.... in fact in that moment you do not exist.... it is a great humbling experience.... ALL that exists is the Formless Constant.... abstract Intelligence, and when movement occurs, seeming form comes forth.... We are so much less than we imagine and at the same time so much infinitely more...... there is a great difference in KNOWING that ALL life is simply God in movement versus the self important ego saying that they are GOD and have truth and you don't..... S: More tragically some of the people who post at my forum have had greater Kundalini problems as a result of trying different methods and even while studying under Gurus. I can think of 3 right off the top of my head whose Kundalini problems worsened by Gurus who cut them loose when they could not help. So you see there is a lot of skepticism in these matters, by myself included. G: Absolutely.... i understand.... you are right to be skeptical... i do not say nor claim to have all the answers... i do not claim to be an authority on kundalini... i do not set myself up to be a kundalini "teacher".... and those that have asked me about it are dissuaded from receiving shaktipat from any guru..... these "methods" that they are teaching are highly volatile and dangerous to someone with a full-blown, activated !42

kundalini..... i can only and simply speak from my own experience.... i have traversed a number of pitfalls along the way..... that is all..... no one can be an authority on kundalini – it manifests and moves through each differently... there are many variations... there is no one SET way to proceed.... you must be very cautious and look at all the circumstances and not just blindly go full speed ahead... so many want to push the experience... and that is on most occasions the worst thing you can do.... you generate too much energy which unlocks and puts in your face directly too much to handle at a time..... you have to learn to go with the flow..... to see and be aware... to know when to give "no" energy to diffuse rather than to attempt to push through.... S: I have also encountered people with extremely powerful shakti who turned out to be really messed up and made all sorts of delusional claims about powers. G: Siddhis come and go.... in attempting to hold onto any of them you get caught up into more ego... to the point of egotistical belief that you are a superior creation far above the masses... this is a dangerous and quite real trap..... Those not ready fall into it quite easily... and in their self-importance they fall ever further from truth..... Just because Siddhis manifest it does not mean that you are spiritual.... if you are sincere in wanting to reach realization you see the trap and do not use the siddhis... let them fall away.... they are nothing in the end.... what is there to control... only ego ... only the egotistical want to control..... so if someone is boasting about their powers and siddhis, RUN – do not walk, RUN the other direction.... for this one is lost in a delusion of his own creation.... maya sets many traps along the way.... those that are not purifying their thoughts... not coming from the heart.... not surrendering to the Source will definitely get caught in these traps..... ENERGY may be used or MIS-USED – it is directed by Consciousness..... if mind gets into the play it can be mis-directed..... !43

S: This is not to say you fall into that category. I don't know you well enough or anything about your history to know where you are on the spectrum of spiritual balance and egofree, selfless compassion. G: When you help others you help only your self.... there is none that is separate from the Self.... All are simply other aspects of Being-ness, whether they are awake to that reality or not.... it is simply the illusions of truth that they cling to that keep them ever bound on the wheel of karma.... the greatest freedom and liberation is not in leaving the body but to find that there is nothing we need to be liberated from except our own misplaced perceptions and ideations and illusions..... S: Your story is great to read, however, and I would like to hear more, particularly about how you would help people with kundalini problems. G: You can only point to truth.... each must walk the path alone.... but we in our aloneness are also never alone as we are part and parcel of ALL of the manifest and un-manifest existence.... ONE within the Heart of Bliss which is simply part of your Eternal Being.... From heart to heart there is only the ONE which the many rest within.......

Sages, Heroes and Liberators S: Ramana Maharshi, by the way, is my favorite Sage from India. My other heroes are Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and all the people quietly serving others in every hour of every day. G: Very good list... Ramana Maharshi, you could say, is the last of the great liberators for me... it was through this avenue that the path ended with the knowledge of the Absolute... in direct perception all the pre-conceived notions and illusions of truth are shattered... and the kundalini process is terminated as !44

far as the difficulties... the vasanas and the samskaras are blown out... it is a much more gentle process than the kundalini... it completes the kundalini process... you can learn something about how to live a day to day spiritual life of sadhana by watching these lives... how they unfolded...

There is only One Truth S: I enjoyed your frank comments, do you feel like a little playful verbal banter? Your reply was well stated, but of course any reasonably intelligent person who has done some extensive meditation work and studied the teachings of Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, or perhaps Maitreya's treatises on the Uttaratantra Shastra, concerning the qualities and nature of Buddhahood, can learn to talk the enlightened talk. Whether you are enlightened or not really isn't my concern, I wish you the very best in either case. My interest here is more playful, do you care to comment upon some age old sayings concerning enlightenment, i.e. "He who talks (about their enlightenment) doesn't know and he who knows doesn't talk." G: First off, yes, there are those that can "study" and memorize what others such as Nisargadatta etc. have said... but they cannot continue for long... they are limited in speaking on different subjects... there is a difference in having the same reality and in attempting to memorize a pattern.... this may be a long mail.... hahahah.... so hold onto your shorts, here we go..... (this was written to one that asked if the words i spoke were being parroted or from direct knowledge....) this was not written for today’s event so please do not take it that is directed at you...... Subject: Parrot or Sage? Let us first define what a "Parrot" is: it is a bird that has been taught a word or phrase that is repeated with no cognition or !45

understanding of the meaning of the word or phrase... Therefore a parrot would be one that prefaces their statements by – swami so and so says or Poonjaji Says or Ramana Maharshi says... Those that repeat what they believe may be true only spout hearsay... not having any direct knowledge, this for one is a parrot.... Another would be one that "knows" any religious book or set of scriptures by rote... They have the words, therefore they are deluded into "thinking" that they "know" the truth contained within.... but once again they spout only hearsay on "faith" that it is true... 


Proceeding onward, since we have only words born of duality, excuse the terminology – In reality there is only One mind beyond the seeming minds, only One ParaAtma beyond the seeming Jiva Atmas – only One Truth beyond the illusions of truth... Therefore when the illusion of ego ends there is only One Truth that may be stated... And though the words of the Sages may appear to "parrot" one another, what else can it be? If something "different" is being stated then it can only be an illusion of truth... The fact that the sages’ words mirror each other is inconsequential – or you may say on the other hand it only points to the Reality of their words and claims – that they no longer exist but only Source or Essence IS... When ego has died only One cognition remains – the "experience" of realization is One in nature... therefore the words will mirror... but each sage that speaks only from the One Source and Essence of Truth... (isn't it) And direct cognition can never be "parroting," as it were... That which is directly intuited or cognized is at the center of the words that are spoken... Another sage’s words have not been memorized – but the words will appear as mirrors, as Truth is consistently the Same... Truth is Simplicity itself while illusions of truth are complex in nature... There is only One Truth while the illusions of Truth are many and varied.... this dogma... that dogma etc., etc...... Those that are blind and see not who is liberated or not cannot stand when one says they speak from !46

direct experience... as they have not the eyes to see beyond their limited perceptions and conditioned truths... and so they throw out these trite comments such as those that know do not speak.... and you are parroting another... (isn't it) But, from direct experience, the Truth is "known" and inherently whatever is spoken can be directly backed by scripture... but scripture is not studied and memorized or needed.... Being that scripture comes from Truth – Truth that is directly known will automatically speak and know the scriptures... The Truth beyond the intellectual memorized rote.... Isn't the paradox amazing – when you lose the ego you gain the world... and when you lose the world you uncover the Self...... lol and the show plays on...... S: "He who talks (about their enlightenment) doesn't know and he who knows doesn't talk." G: There have been those that did profess...one was Christ, who said directly I and the Father are One, if you have seen me then you have seen the Father that sent me..... He was very hard on the Pharisees or those religious leaders of the day... saying that they were sepulchers of dead bones... for his statement of professing, he was crucified..... another that professed is Kabir... and if you read his writings he spared no one... he spoke Truth in no uncertain terms..... within the communication of duality we use the term I to denote the one speaking.... In reality there is no longer any self ego personality that is perceived - it died the moment of realization... So when that statement is made it is not coming from mind.... it is not coming from ego identification for there is no ego sense that remains... Simply what remains is the emptiness of Being... One that says "I am enlightened" and is speaking that the ego form in truth is deluded.... But being that there are no adequate words as all words come from the standpoint and concept of duality, there is no language that is correct.... (people want to know qualifications etc., etc., etc.... it is simply that you have had the direct experience of !47

Brahman, that is all.... ) it is a reference point – it is not a badge of accomplishment.... it is not something you learn and study for.... it is not an attainment... ... No words can reveal Truth... they can only point the way to... But truth is realized within alone.... No debate can give the experience of the ego death.... For Truth you must lay down the life entirely.... then you no longer remain... others see the form speaking but you are NOT.... it is perceived (in realization) only as coming from silence into manifestation as words... It is not from intellect as you or self (ego) no longer is.... there is no witness that remains... all has merged – nothing remains except That Which Is.... Essence.... in that moment when ego death comes, Essence Alone Is.... then the I AM returns as witness as long as there remains physical form.... but this I AM is not the I AM of ego identification... it is the I AM of only witness... but there is never the deception that ego is... words come from the silence into manifestation... S: "If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him." G: Ahhhh this is a good one.... there is no buddha other than the Self Within..... if you see him on the road it is an illusion... walk through into the heart of Being-ness... S: "If we talk of knowing the Self, there must be two selves, one a knowing self, another the self which is known and the process of knowing." - Ramana Maharshi G: There is simply the ONE... self is a confusing term... in that which is termed realization there is no subject and object... that which we term self is shattered... and what remains is what has always been.... Pure Life Energy... devoid of any sense of a separate personality... Everything and Nothing is that ONE.... and you are not and never have been.... only Brahman is known – the rest of the illusions end.... S: It is my experience that the truly enlightened beings are too humble and wise to claim to be enlightened. The Dalai Lama, !48

the Karmapa, Ramana Maharshi, advanced souls like Mother Theresa... When asked if they are enlightened they usually only claim to be simple servants or monks or they might turn the question back to the questioner in a skillful way designed to lead them to see for themselves. I don't see any beneficial reasons for professing one’s enlightenment. The only reasons I do see are for some form of ego gratification. G: Enlightenment is a false notion.... it is a false grandeur... it is no more than waking to the truth of Existence... that is all... no more no less.... it is not some high exalted state... as claimed by some.... in that realization you know that you do not exist... (what is exalted in that?)... you are simply the dream of the moment... all that exists is Brahman we are simply in personality a ray of light that is cast from the Eternal Flame.... when realization is reached the ray is simply only conscious of the Flame... the ray ceases to have any significance.... we move only according to nature which is Unfolding Consciousness... this apparent ray has no relevance.... Self is manifest and revealed to BE... and it may happen through any event or at any time.... Those that say they are enlightened and have the answers and you don't should be avoided.... ALL is contained within your own heart and Being.... ALL that exists is Source and Source is Self Effulgent Light.... it gives light to ALL..... It IS the ALL beyond any divisionary ideations.... There is no litmus test of "realization" or "enlightenment"... you must simply go to where is being pointed to. Is one pointing at themselves saying "follow me because i am enlightened and i have the answers and you don't"... or are they saying "Go within – there are none higher and none lower... there is simply the Source.... beyond the false ideations of ego and separation there is simply the ONE...... " You are much less than you can imagine and at the same time so much more – go within the Silence and surrender to That which is Life Eternal.... the Formless Constant which manifests as form in its illusive !49

play...... that is ALL, no more and no less.... simply go within the silence... the answers are ALL within your Self Alone..... if you think that i am self-serving or boasting then i ask your forgiveness... the term realized simply means that the concepts of a single ego self versus the ALL which IS has been shattered... there is no I that is separate from the ONE beyond any individualization.... You are as much within these words as i am, there is no separation, no distinction....

On Being a Guru S: The reports of gurus abusing their followers are legion. Are there any instances of followers abusing their gurus? G: i don't believe it comes necessarily under the heading of being "abused".... but would have to admit, yes, that being a guru has its hazards along the way...... S: How many of us have had sexual feelings for those who have given us our start with K? G: Once again, i can only speak from what has happened within my own realm of experience.... but yes, there are those that are mis-guided, that think that sex is a way to balance their energy.... and of course the guru or anyone with an apparently awakened kundalini is up for grabs, so to speak.... many things happen that we do not consciously control.... much to the mis-belief of those that we work with.... such as appearing to them in dreams.... or in visions... etc..... and things get transferred to the guru or teacher.... the newly awakened feelings of Bliss or Compassion sometimes can be mis-construed as love for the teacher..... and the teacher’s compassion can be taken as a come on...... sometimes this has happened... in those cases i have had to let the student be on their own until that ideation was corrected..... there are those that take and cling to the teacher or guru in an in-appropriate manner – they wish to be as close as possible, and in getting !50

closer, and in a mis-identification between Agape Love of the teacher, which is extended as a matter of course, they in their illusions twist it to a sexual ideation.... or also as an over clinging neediness for the guru.... this is why some choose NOT to have an ashram.... just to divert some of this that naturally arises due to the aspirants changing perceptions being clouded by previous conditionings still held..... this is why it is impossible to let students get too close in an ongoing basis........ at least this has been my experience to date...... S: How many of us have "badgered" our teachers with questions and complaints. G: There are those that you hear nothing from until a crisis arises.... and then there is an onslaught of passionate pleas for help.... there are those that ask endless questions instead of going within for their own truths – they wish everything to be handed to them..... there are those that cling and need assurance every day..... and then you must repeat endlessly the same assurances and the same instructions until at last the light dawns one day and it is assimilated.... then you move forward to another set of questions..... it is part of what is accepted as a teacher..... S: I would think that a good many of the "enlightened" would keep their state of experience to themselves, not wanting to be hounded by followers. G: Yes, it would be much easier, in truth.... to be alone and in the silence is Bliss..... but that is not the way that it works for some.... we do not choose necessarily to be teachers..... some do but mostly it just unfolds.... your guru tells you it is time.... you may try to run from the world but the world will find you if it is your karma to do so..... once you begin, it is difficult to turn your back on those that come seeking answers.... although you know that ultimately the answers must come from within themselves alone...... if there is no one there to point the way and say simply go within, they may spend !51

endless time in roundabout avenues..... so compassion takes over and you make your experience available as a guide and reference point to others on the path...... of course no matter what the experience they go through, it is all to their benefit...... S: Some may be more generous, but I wouldn't blame others for "heading for the hills" in order to be left alone. What do you think? G: Sometimes, heading for the hills sounds GREAT..... i must confess.... to be within the silence and stillness, no relative mind, nor movements, nor agitations arise and it is a joyous place to BE..... when you come forward, there are always those that "judge" every word.... and your motives .... they will bait you.... they will be rude and condescending.... the world in general, although saying they want truth and enlightenment, does not wish to accept anyone that comes to the fore.... there is always this suspicion... and what they put forward is what they see.... the teacher is usually a mirror... and if they are seeing something that they don't like, of course the teacher or guru is held to be the cause of what is coming forward..... but the guru or teacher is a place of emptiness.... and what emerges for the most part is simply the movement of the universe within the seeker’s realm.... the guru brings out what must be faced.... what must be seen to be acknowledged.... sometimes it is pettiness....or selfrighteousness.... and these things are not pretty..... so it is a very difficult job to be a guru or teacher.... of course, if we had a "choice" we would in all honesty run for the hills..... but if there are those that seek help, we will never turn our back.... even when it means castigation and being staked out .... the teacher continues on in Being the Truth as concretely as possible.... moving forward wherever life leads..... as much as times have arisen where there was this sadness to see such verbal attacks and attempts at smearing what is being expressed..... still, you know that if even ONE gains liberation !52

that what you face is all worth it..... teachers do not walk in a false humility.... not all have the same outward expressions.... and therefore are held up to ridicule.... the Truth is expressed through personality while in form.... that is the simple truth.... some may like one personality and not another – that is a reality in this waking dream.... No one teacher is right for everyone.... It does not mean one is more holy or better than another, just that one resonates with your perceptions and ideations where another does not.... But ALL qualified teachers speak the same truth, in the end.... they all lead you to discover the same end.... the Eternal Truth of One manifesting under the guise of diversity..... now if i am fortunate, silence will prevail and the personality will be allowed to once again recede for some time into the ONE Ocean of Divine Bliss....... that is, until another questioner comes forth and words are called forth out of the Constant Un-changing into the temporal transient.... and personality comes to the fore with the receded relative mind to attempt to answer whatever is being put in front of its awareness...... until then the silence beckons......

Do Enlightened Beings Err? G: OK, i am finally going to take the bull by the horns and answer this one.... according to my perceptions.... this may be a bumpy ride for some to swallow, but here goes...... i doubt any "points" will be made, so to speak, with this posting but i care not on that end – only that the Truth be spoken and lived as it is....... so here goes..... S: Long ago, I read and was told that enlightened beings were so in tune with Nature that their every action would be for the benefit of humanity and the entire cosmos. At that time I felt it made perfect sense along the lines of the Collective Consciousness theory. G: In one sense it is.... they live within the ultimate truth of non-dual.... their actions unfold according to the patterns and !53

circumstances that surround them..... just as in others... but within that mindset there is no longer the division of good/ evil..... all is seen as simply an experience of the moment.... not good, not evil..... ALL and any experience can and does draw you ever closer to the center.... even those that you would in the divisionary world call negative.... in the negative, if it goes long enough there will be nothing that remains in the end but the emptiness of center...... i can state that in my own existence this was also the case.... having gone through many so-called traumas – in the end, they were within themselves the great liberators..... when they were gone beyond and no longer held as a traumatic event..... when the pain and ideations were released and i was able to see and know that what had transpired was only applicable to the physical form and in the end had nothing to do with the me.... the Self was ever untouched by those events.... it was a great liberator.... it gave me a point of focus to see.... a bridge to go beyond..... i know this is difficult at first glance to understand or to conceive.... Good and Evil or Right and Wrong exist as concepts solely within the minds of duality.... this does not mean that once one would become liberated that they go off on a spree of so-called negative actions.... not at all.... but for that one simply what unfolds is what is at the moment... with no judgments or valuations other than what it is...... knowing that ultimately ALL are eternal in nature and that this is only as much validity here on earth as an extended dream state there is not the impact of actions upon that ONE as there is for the rest of society which is looking for justification and reasons for each action as to how it affects the rest of humanity...... Each will respond to the action or word as per their own limited or unlimited understanding and conditionings..... the same exact action can be construed by one as a liberating movement – by another, a chance to overcome a challenge – or by another, another bondage to be carried and re-acted to..... Each move according to their own patterns..... within all divisionary time..... !54

S: Now, after seeing so many gurus stumble in their behavior, I no longer believe this to be true. I'm not saying I have the answers or the last word on this, as one cannot empirically prove or disprove this – it is mere speculation. I have just seen so many allegedly enlightened individuals act in ways that were less than in the best interest of their students – like the rampant sexual abuse – let alone the rest of humanity or the cosmos. G: This once again is your perception..... as it is with the most of humanity in varying degrees..... the "enlightened" one does not logically sit and evaluate what others may think..... we put ourselves in that place with that "guru" .... perhaps they believe at that point that they will "gain" something and therefore they enter into an action which appears to have negative benefits..... and perhaps for some time it will work on their own minds and psyches in a seeming negative way.... they will hold anger and pain.... but eventually they will move through it.... and see that they alone are holding onto this perceived trauma..... and will move forward... it is also a learning experience..... why did they enter into the experience in the first place.... why did they give up their own center to someone else? These experiences to the negative will only serve to draw them further within themselves also..... until there is perhaps no other way to go but in.... and if you go far enough in, you will find that space where there is no within or without..... and once again liberation will be gained....
 Please do not think that this is saying that what they are doing is "right".... from the world’s perspective it is not..... from the perspective of non-duality there is no conflict in the end..... but this is difficult to balance...... to "justify" what an enlightened person does..... they move according to their reality just as you move according to your perceived reality.... only within them there is no conflict on any level...... so this will be viewed by others as acting in an un-appropriate manner..... to the One it is all seen as divine unfolding and !55

complete as it is...... to another it is seen in various degrees of good or evil...... They are within totally different mind frames of consciousness....... S: What I have come to believe is that an enlightened person still has their human nature, and all those impulses imbedded in her/his psyche, and that there is still room for bad judgment, succumbing to temptation, etc. – in a word, to err. G: To err according to those that are judging it as such.... for that one there is no error.... in the end there is no good nor evil.... and this is difficult to understand while within the mindset of duality and seeing everything as separate one from another..... Yes, the enlightened person still acts through the body and the personality.... it filters through... as others are cognizant only of the separation.... they may see the world in different levels of connectedness..... depending on their level of conscious awareness..... for the one there is no succumbing to temptation for temptation is no longer an issue..... there is no longer anything to be overcome.... there is simply living life as it is presented in that moment.... every moment and happening is the same.... no longer viewed as one happening good and another as bad..... those judgments are gone..... those evaluations end..... all is accepted as it is...... not all that have seen the truth of existence and have been liberated within themselves should be teachers.... but their actions do not prove nor dis-prove their enlightenment in the end..... there is a misperception that all enlightened people will be like mother teresa or like gandhi... that is not the truth..... this is once again another perception that is held..... in the end they will BE simply what they are..... no more and no less...... they accept completely what and who they are...... not attempting to become a saint nor going on a rampage to be a "sinner".... they simply move according to their own life program....... many of those that you take to be enlightened by their outward actions are perhaps still within the ideation that they must perform a certain way – they are unnatural in clinging to what !56

they term good.... and some are just at the center and the residual karma plays out....... but the truth is known and what happens outwardly is not an issue.... it is as it is...... when the karma plays out... then they will be settled totally within that Oneness and move within the confines of what is called good.....

Why Sri Ramana Sat In Trance S: If this samadhi is so useless, why did Ramana Maharshi spend many hours absorbed in this state? G: Once realization of Self is reached, then that state is not needed.... but why to stay absorbed in that state? Simply because it is absolute Bliss..... it is simpler for One to stay within that state than it is to be within the world.... as from then you are ever seen as within the world... but you know you are not of it..... for there is no you left.... it is easier to be within that state of oneness that simply Bliss and Silence are.... that feels natural.... it is a comfort zone.... to be within the Reality.... if one that has entered into the silence just sits, it is easy to be drawn so deep that you enter into the samadhi state – it becomes almost a struggle to not be drawn into it....... there are 3 types of jnani – One stays more within the Samadhi beyond the world.... another seems to interact but is unconnected within the world.... and the last has seen and knows the truth but once again relates to the bodily form and goes ahead with life as much a "normal" person.... but once truth is entered into, it is not lost..... for the last truth may become once again almost an ideation... but upon the deathbed, that truth will once again be entered into fully...... that is the difference..... (this information will be found within the Tripura Rahasya, one of Sri Ramana's favorite books)..... It is difficult to ascertain by outward actions who is a jnani and who is not.... as not each jnani acts the same... one may act as a saint.... another as a mad man.... one may sit in meditation.... !57

and another may go back into the worldly life..... but each is within the same internal reality.... unfortunately many have the ideation that each enlightened person will act as some saint but that is refuted in such reputable books such as the Vivekcudamani and the Astavakra Gita..... please do not become so judgmental on who has reached and who has not..... just because they do not fit your ideation of what you perceive it should be.... Look at the experience that they present.... and if their words take you to silence.... if their presence takes you to silence.... or holds a mirror for you to see yourself in..... look beyond the outer happening......

On Shaktipat and Finding a Guru S: Should one go for Shaktipat initiation? G: Absolutely NOT... have found that in this type of jump start, so to speak, the aspirant is most times not settled nor ready and kundalini as a path should only be done while living within an ashram with a qualified Guru there to guide you through. Even then it takes years of dedication and even then there is no guarantee that you will complete it successfully. S: How does one find a right Guru? G: Find One that moves your spirit to Silence, to Peace, One that is readily available to answer questions as they arise. Do not gravitate to any that give initiations and then leave you to simmer on the back burner so to speak. In olden days the Guru was served by the chelas. It was not that he needed their service. It was so that they were living around in close proximity, not just going to a seminar here and there. If you want simply a good Teacher that you can glean something from, then go to One that gives you tools to move towards Center and Silence and Peace, which is not to say one that sits and feeds your ego. Getting a big head, while in the beginning seems to lead to Peace and Joy, in the end, it only brings a !58

bigger disaster. And when you find your Guru, give them the respect due but do not expect them to run your entire life. The mindset you enter and the actions and re-actions that occur, you must live with. So use wisdom, do not follow blindly. It is only by direct experience that you Know anything, not by concepts and conjectures that the teacher speaks no matter how grand. S: After initiation does the Shakti stay active all the time? G: It is moving within its own timing. Sometimes more active – sometimes it appears to rest, but it is always there. 


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Realization, Enlightenment & Non-Duality Experience and Seeking the Now S: I am seeking the Eternal Now. I am longing for the ocean that I Am. Six years ago Master Yogananda and Babaji the Yogi Christ appeared to me. It was as if they literally jumped into this body. The body began to shake uncontrollably. I went into ecstasy for two weeks. Amazing things happened; I lifted off the ground, beautiful beings from other realms appeared. I felt and feel God within. Years have gone by, and the Divine Shakti has made its way up the spine. Purifying. Moment to moment I am filled with bliss. I feel deep gratitude experience after experience. Siddhis of healing and clairvoyance. Several weeks ago, the molecules in this body began to spin, the molecules in the walls of my house began to spin, I looked outside everything was spinning the same, my eyes wouldn't blink, a voice deep inside me kept saying, I Am That, All This Is That, over and over. This lasted for a very long time. I went into a state of unity with the Divine for days. I still feel this in my body, less than what it was. I ask for your assistance. A dear friend sends me kundalini emails, yours is the only one I have read. When reading your letter on your website I had such an experience of the ocean, such a deep silence that I will not try to put into words. I could not speak for some time. Please assist me. G: This is my greatest joy to be able to share this. Oh aspect of Beingness, there is Nothing left to seek; your seeking is at an end. ALL that remains is to let go. All that remains is to understand you are not - nor have ever been in truth the mind, body, or emotions. You ARE THAT! Sat*Chit*Anand (Pure Awareness, Truth, Bliss beyond form and personality) that is the essence. You need only to surrender to this process NOW.... AT THIS MOMENT... LET GO! Let go of all the pre-conceived notions... let go of the ego self identity... Let go !60

and surrender to the TRUTH WITHIN... Surrender to the SadGuru within... (where there is no within or without). Have no fear... there is NOTHING to fear... all that will fall is the illusions of truth that have kept you bound. Now comes the death of ego and the resurrection of Truth - Consciousness and Bliss… the great Peace which Passes All Understanding... 'The Rivers of Living Water. You are at the moment of Realization. There is nothing that need be done except Lay down and surrender ALL, and let it come and let it BE... Nirvakalpa Samadhi where subject and object end. You will "Know" and BE - THAT WHICH IS. Then just continue in the Turiya state of Bliss and silent mind which witnesses all yet grasps and clings to none. Watch and you will know that the maya realm is as the dream with seeming reality and yet also un-real; in its emptiness, it is also non-dual in nature. You go now to the depth of the Ocean of Bliss within the heart of God or Source or Essence or That and survey the waves upon the top of consciousness as the maya realms, and, although you will continue to play, the waves will never move the Bliss of the Depth. And you will remain the Constant which contains and makes possible the transient realms called life or maya.

Life after Realization S: How do you live after Realization? G: For me it has been more of the chop wood and carry water theme. Now, life just flows, no longer thinking about what must be done, or for that matter, there is no longer any rational thought patterns at all but simply the silence. Existence moves the form here and there and what unfolds - unfolds. Experience is enjoyed for its own sake. Nothing is grasped, it simply is consciousness moving in a wave across existence and we ride the waves seeing the dream called life.

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The journey is a mysterious thing to see, the myriad "forms" that are so-called God in action. So what is there any need for worry or why must there be any goal or i that needed to have any reason.

Shifts Along the Way S: The question: as you explained where I am in 'this', how then does it reflect in my human experience. G: The human experience is the same as the dream experience. How much importance do you invest in the nightly dreams once you awaken? While it is real at the moment of dreaming, what importance does it hold in the end? The human experience is only as "important as we make it." In the end, it has no importance in the scheme of things; it is simply there for the medium of desire and limitation to thereby see and move into the limitless. Of what use is paradise when that is all that exists? ALL want to enter paradise but it is the limitations that make paradise - paradise. S: How is my day to day life affected? G: How can i answer you on this, it is affected by how your perception to it changes. If you move beyond personality and form and are only pure awareness then you enter totally into the moment at hand. There is no conditionings left to color what is happening and there is no I that is felt and you move as consciousness and words come from the silence into being. You see the form moving but there is no attachment to the form, or, you could come to the stage where you take back some of the ego identification knowing that it is simply a play of the moment in the infinite, but being awake to the illusory nature of the transient realm and knowing that there is no death, for you are not the form of body. You will enjoy the play of life without care for you know the eternity of consciousness, or, you could come back totally into ego form !62

and relative thought, having seen the truth but still holding onto the ideation of form and body move as a "normal" human being with normal day to day experience and worry etc., etc. but, at the point of death knowing the ultimate reality to be beyond the human form and condition let go the ideation at the moment of transition and move forward to a more conscious birth next time around. That is up to you. S: How is my life and my relationship to life affected? G: Once again that is depending on your personal experience, or if you go into the impersonal and drop the personal altogether. Who can know what you will choose, which way that seeming aspect will express upon the discovery of what is beyond the form.

To Speak or Not To Speak "Enlightenment is only the beginning, is only a step of the journey. You can't cling to that as a new identity or you're in immediate trouble. You have to get back down into the messy business of life, to engage with life for years afterward. Only then can you integrate what you have learned. Only then can you learn perfect trust." G: Very good quote.... the reality is that we spend years in the process of purification and to cleansing the dross... until all that remains is the essence... the seed of life.... seen when one places themselves on the altar as the lamb offering.... and what remains? Simply life.... before enlightenment you "chop wood and carry water," and after enlightenment you once again "chop wood and carry water".... the great mystery in enlightenment is simply seeing that the human is a transient form but the Eternal Seed within IS EVER the SAME...... Never born nor suffers death.... the human aspect is of mind.... the Eternal Self beyond the mind’s limiting ideations..... Within the Silence ALL is revealed...... you cannot become enlightened in that it is your NATURAL state beyond the !63

illusions....you are ever enlightened.... it is simply the TRUTH of BEING....... enlightened or realized is simply a word...... the experience shows what you are not.... that you are not.... that the only reality in the end is GOD or the SEED and Sustainer of ALL LIFE.... and the mystery continues....... it is not that those that know do not speak and those that speak do not know.... those that know – know that it cannot be gained through dogma.... nor can you hand it to another... it is gained only by the path of Christ and walking the way within..... and concerning those that speak do not know..... When one is attempting to speak, others view it as a threat.... as an egotistical endeavor.... When it is not, for at that point you know that ego is simply an ideation and that you are not the body, mind, and emotions.... and after being upon the altar and slain, you know definitely that you are not.... in fact the you is of no importance any longer.... all that remains at that point is the Truth.... and the Truth is beyond any one limited form...... if you speak, others will want to crucify you.... there have been those that did speak... Christ of course the main one..... I And the Father are ONE.... for that he was crucified..... there have been others.... but this saying has been generated to dispense with any that would attempt to speak.... to in effect make null and void their words of truth.... to attempt to push them into a corner and into silence where their words will not be heard..... if one says I HAVE THE TRUTH so follow me... then beware..... but if they come and say the Truth is Within, perhaps you may want to listen to see where they point to...... do they point to themselves as personality.... or do they point to the Eternal Truth of the ONE........

Trance States and Enlightenment G: Please do not think that trance states and ecstasies are necessarily enlightened states.... usually if something is being viewed there is still division.... Yes, when Nirvikalpa happens there is no sense of time nor space.... and what is entered into !64

is beyond the five senses.... the timing and duration are never known unless someone is there that is witnessing the event.... otherwise, samadhi is entered into and at some point you come back to within the five senses... but from that point onward, samadhi becomes a waking conscious event..... relative mind recedes.... and a silence is entered into.... the divisions end..... and you walk and function within the world but no longer of it..... the loss of body awareness remains..... the world is viewed in a whole new light..... There are perhaps more people that have entered into the awareness and life of No-Self than you suspect..... not all live in an ashram..... nor do all become teachers.... nor do all become known..... for some No-Self is enlightenment.... for others, it is a state of madness until it is understood and accepted as Reality..... and within That the conscious state evolves from a leaving of this plane to a merging as One within this plane..... an emptiness that grasps nothing but is within the eternal Now..... for that ONE, even in the midst of a conversation the words of one sentence are lost before the next begins... there is NO past.... no reflection.... no relative thought programs.... and the ideation of knowledge recedes..... what you knew becomes stripped away layer after layer until only a mystery of Being remains..... simply you become and find yourself to be a Being-ness..... there is no value attached to anything... no judgments.... no forethought... action happens..... Life unfolds.... moving from witness to just the universe in action..... the Constant in in-action..... the 0 balance within....... bondage and freedom were simply states of mind..... and mind within the relative plane ends and sinks within the silence of Now....... many speak of what they have heard.... first experience and know.... then speak of what you know within your reality from direct knowledge...... you may speculate endlessly and quote from one guru to the next... but you simply quote another’s reality, not your own..... why borrow someone else’s words and experience? Go within the Self and dis-cover the Truth of Life and (death?) – find out !65

what is there.... permanent.... and then speak out for what is found.... Realization is only freeing when it is your own... to speak of another’s only gives the illusion that you know..... only another set of pre-conceived notions to break through in the end..... for no matter how many enlightened masters you may read.... or how many enlightened beings you may meet, the entering into realization can never be understood until that path is walked.... until that implosion of self happens and is experienced firsthand...... when there is no longer a you and simply the Source IS.... then the truth of existence will be lived.... in simplicity.... in silence.... and you will come to know that nothing is known..... there was an appearance of knowledge along the way but to what purpose...... simply to bring you back once again into unknowing – unknown – Being......

Identification of Self S: During last night’s meditation, I went into a state where I no longer existed. This went beyond the feeling of my body becoming one with the universe. Rather, this body no longer was. Even the Self could not be sensed. I believe this was the result of reading your communication yesterday. G: You have indeed come to glimpse or rest within the Heart of Being. Yes, when you are not, Brahman IS - That which is the center of ALL, the great Impersonal - Formless Constant Essence - That Which IS - otherwise termed Self. S: Your conversation yesterday on the yahoo group gave me the opportunity to realize I have been living from experience to experience. For example, I enjoyed the feeling of bliss as my crown chakra opened whenever I read your email. G: The Bliss is simply part of your inherent Self beyond any ideations. It IS. You are in the end Sat-Chit-Anand or

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Existence (truth) - Conscious Awareness – Bliss, that is the grand Self minus the ego (small body) identification. S: Your message was to let go of any bodily sensation. Since the body does not exist, the sensation does not exist. Only the Self exists. In my meditation, even the Self could not be perceived. It had to be there, because I was capable of the thought of "there is nothing, all has disappeared." Is this Yoga Nidra? G: This was indeed a Samadhi and indeed the small self is simply ongoing identification with experiences and identifications with form.. . hahahaha… Yes, the Self is not perceived whether in a Sarvikalpa state where the eyes see form and the consciousness is unaware of self, or, within a Nirvakalpa state where even form is not seen. Either way, you have transcended the barrier of self-identification and rest within a sahaja samadhi state of Being. Do not attempt to reflect on it, then you will once again be separate from and it will become at that point only an experience of mind. Just rest within it and relax into acceptance of, as it is the Reality which all stems from. S: Thank you for the inspiration which has been given to this Self. G: The Self needs no inspiration as it is Eternally the Same. Simply the small ego self identifies with inspiration as it still sees the separation. When that ends the Great Ocean of Being is rested in and within that ocean the waves of separation are seen to occur, yet, they are ever One with the Ocean... hahahaha... the illusion of separation ends and the emptiness of the play is known and entered into. When the separation ends you are the All and within that ALL no divisions remain.

The Self Experience & Resulting Sahaja Samadhi

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S: This question is not about Kundalini per se - rather wondering about your experience of Communion with the Divine. G: In communion with the Divine there is a sense of self and God; that happens along the way but the end experience is not that. Yes, that happened many years ago. S: In this state there was no need to search for Self, no Self to search for, only Union, sorry, no words, perhaps total immersion in/of All That Is, surrender into Being, no separate Self at all. G: In an experience of Self there is no ego self that remains, simply that which is termed God. The you is not, simply Essence IS. Self in this sense is a misnomer for no ego identification or self remains. Just the Formless Constant is Known as the totality of Being. This has been my experience. S: Perfect Divine Love, certainly Bliss, but then a gradual transformation “back,” but with a non-dual awareness after, and seeing/but also Knowing Light after, and a distinct sense of having been changed at cellular level. G: Divine love perhaps but it is a seed state. Love only exists when the duality is seen. Yes, there is a sense of Light but beyond light. But this one feels no cellular change as body comes not into the picture at all. Yes, non-dual awareness or the emptiness of Being remains as the transient is always empty in nature and therefore non-dual. There is no separation within the One versus the seeming diversity called existence. The diversity is the by-product of the One. That is this one’s experience so to speak. S: My question was once the energy rests in the heart, is one still experiencing this Communion in the same way, "full on" my experience was most often prohibitive of any Selfawareness, let alone body awareness, no possibility of walking, talking, functioning, just Perfect Union. Is this not !68

what one calls Samadhi, and if so how does one operate the body, mind? Thank you dear one. G: For a very very few yes, but for most there is a nominal body sense in coming back to awareness but knowing and resting within the Non-Dual reality. The full on Nirvakalpa States may come and go for some time, until mind is transcended and simply stills completely then a Nirvakalpa Sahaja Samadhi may be rested in with no body consciousness. Within the Sarvikalpa Sahaja Samadhi the Non-Dual realm is lived but there remains some slight body sensation with minimal thought, but mostly resting within the Silence. For this one also a Nirvakalpa Samadhi without any awareness of the 5 senses and then when coming back into some of the senses the Sahaja Sarvikalpa Samadhi was rested in. Then the mind ends totally and the Sahaja state is permanent, the visual world is seen but body awareness ends - it moves as needed, that is all.

S: Again, thank you, and yes, as much as is possible for this one, I grasp what you are saying. I have used the word communion in an umbrella sense to embrace the many different states I have known for lack of terminology, but they correspond to your explanation of communion and nirvakalpa. The other person in whom I found a recognition of shared experience was St. Teresa of Avila, also perhaps in Ramakrishna. Other than in surrender and in keeping the awareness on the spiritual heart, can one aid in the transcendence of the mind? G: Yes, there are other things that may be done for one learn to stay in the moment. When the mind starts going into the past stop and come back to Now. The same for future what ifs. There are some other things that you may do to aid in the process. i will forward the Self-Enquiry method of Sri Ramana which may also help. If you would like more aids you may contact me further.

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S: Is this transcendence somehow a natural product of nirvakalpa? Or might I live this incarnation without resting in the Sahaja silence that you speak of? G: When experiencing the Nirvakalpa State there are 3 things that may emerge – 1) the mind and thought and body are once again accepted as the reality and then the Nirvakalpa becomes just another experience - a concept that is gravitated to, 2) Sahaja Sarvikalpa Samadhi remains. In this avenue there is some body awareness and the intermittent thought which rises but neither are clung to for they are known to be empty in nature and therefore Non-Dual. So the non-dual state is maintained, or, 3) Nirvakalpa Sahaja Samadhi continues on in which no thoughts rise. The 5 senses are not noticed as such, they are but not clung to, they recede as simply Self is the primary awareness. Also there is not the feeling of the body awareness, there is ever the Silent Awareness of Non-dual Being. S: Pardon my ignorance. G: It is not ignorance to ask these questions.

What it is like to be Enlightened S: I'm very glad to hear from you, very glad indeed. Obviously, you know what you are talking about. For a long time I've hoped to find somebody who has seen this state as a result of Kundalini. Now at last I've found you. There are a lot of questions I'd like to ask you. G: Am always most open to participate and to dispel the many falsely held views on what is enlightenment and the path to reach. S: From your biography, I get the impression that you realized yourself spontaneously as a result of the Kundalini leading to nirvikalpa. But now you are teaching self-enquiry and quoting Sri Ramana Maharshi. So, I'm wondering whether you !70

practiced self-enquiry yourself before realization? If not, then I'm curious why you decided to teach it to others. G: No, that is not correct. While in India, there was a movement towards Self-Enquiry. It was this Enquiry into the Source of Being or tearing away the false identification of self as individualized meaning that broke through the final conditionings. This and this alone completed the Kundalini experience and brought it to a successful end. Without it, the kundalini experience in this one’s estimation would still be ongoing and continuing in its process today. This is why this one stresses Self Enquiry as it breaks through the illusions of truth and the delusions most expediently. It brings a lengthy process to a safer and quicker conclusion. As the kundalini in itself is moving conscious awareness that brings to light everything that must be moved through and transcended, and, within this process many get stuck within one of the various levels along the way, taking that level to be new "knowledge" and the ultimate way to freedom when in the end it is simply another mind generated happening that must be dropped and seen as another transient experience, no matter how glorious or mystical it may appear. S: Are you stabilized in this state or do you have the illusion of losing it and then go back into it like most people with wake-up experiences? G: How can Reality be lost? If it appears lost, it would indeed be simply another mind generated illusion that one has grasped and held in ignorance. You move forward into the non-dual of moving within the ever-changing transient called form while remaining ever anchored within the Constant Source beyond change. S: I have some additional questions but those are the main ones for now. G: This one’s only subject at this point is of course Truth or the Reality of the non-dual state and how it may bring !71

liberation from one’s own mind and thereby frees them to live this very precious Moment, this life called Now. S: Yes, I can see that from reading your mail group. The words are just pouring out of you. I can see that. Is it possible that enquiry by itself is responsible for your self-realization? That Kundalini had nothing to do with it? How can you tell which one was the cause? G: It can be said that without the kundalini experience there would not have been this intense search and longing for liberation, that much can be said. From all of the experiences that the kundalini generated there was an absolute wanting for liberation at any and all costs, thereby propelling this one forward to completion. The kundalini brought the myriad of mystical and so called experiences of knowledge. It opened the psychic realms etc. Path after path was traveled until seen for the empty illusion that it was. This prepared this one to be able to let go and transcend all those illusory experiences. But it was in the end the Self Enquiry process that was the liberating factor. It brought the kundalini experience to a successful close. S: Reality doesn't get lost. What gets lost is the view of reality. Most people who see the reality as it really is, do so only temporarily. Then the experience stops and the person sees things like a person who never saw enlightenment. Papaji calls this a glimpse. My own experience is like this (as a result of self-enquiry, by the way). That's why I can tell that you know what you are talking about. I have seen what you describe but I am not seeing it now. For other people -- very few -- the view always remains. They are permanently stabilized in the experience. Ramana was in this state. I'm trying to find out whether you are in Sri Ramana's state or whether you are in my state. G: No, this one would be in a middle state. There are 3 states of Jnana - two are Jivan Mukti or liberated and the 3rd is not. !72

Now, here is what this one has seen in regards to this happening. The Jivan Mukti or ones that remain liberated have all the illusions blown away and it is as if the ego selfimplodes. This happens when one lapses into the Nirvakalpa State beyond mind and the 5 senses and this is rested within even when coming back into the illusion or dream state of body and form. The Constant remains foremost in awareness, the transient is the play across the screen of consciousness. But always, the Constant remains as the Base Reality. On the one that has had a glimpse - the ego identification with body was not entirely let go of, not moved through; a concept was seen was opened..... a glimpse...... but it becomes an experience due to the fact that perhaps it was viewed not in the Nirvakalpa State but simply seen from the Sarvikalpa State. While you were still aware of the transient around you, therefore, it becomes an experience of mind, and, mind and thought are once again entered. The Silence is not paramount for that one. Only when the relative mind rests and you remain in the Silent and stilled mind can the Nirvakalpa State be entered into and the last of the conditionings be shattered and then it is a matter of not taking thought and mind and the transient back as the Primary. When that transcendence happens the Permanent and Impermanent are of equal valuations taking you to the ever present 0 state of Nothing held but simply Experiential Awareness within the Now.

Life is Divine Puja S: I like your down-to-earth spirituality. This shows balance which you sadly do not always see. G: Ahhh you come to this point eventually... until then we want the mystical etc…etc... sometimes it takes the hard route of traveling through the mystical to get to where the true mystery is... and that is simply day to day existence... we play the small games until we get to the largest game which is !73

simply the JOY the BLISS which is LIFE... Life is the Divine Puja - here is a writing on that... DIVINE PUJA. In Divine puja you are All... The body is the action. The wisdom you ascertain is the light... the light of Consciousness. The senses are the wafting fragrance of Life in the transient realm... The whisk is the breath of life – which gives life to the vehicle of form... and the Prasad is the ego self laid at the feet of the Divine... When ALL ego self and action and outcome is surrendered totally... All that remains is the All – or God – The Source – the Divine Constant – That Which Is – Truth – Consciousness – Bliss... beyond the ego form of seeming bound divisions is the Truth of Existence... All Existence is a Divine Puja and you are the Divine Prasad... Ego – Is the offering – Form or body –the action – and That Which Is offered to is Self devoid of ego sense, Truth Beyond Division... yet also form in the transient... Non-dual... forever Non-Dual... ever in Form and Non-Form... the transient that rests in the Constant... Nature seen and spirit unseen from the One... and yet beyond is the void or emptiness of Truth, Consciousness, and Bliss... the Self of All... beyond birth and death... permeating All and yet separate and distinct... beyond the paradox of mind’s illusions and form’s divisions... The Ocean of Divine Consciousness is the basis of All Life... All that is seen and unseen... That Which Is... Beyond All Concepts and divisions yet seen in all its glory within the seeming duality called life and existence... S: One other question: your words sound like you are a westerner or have been to school abroad. How is this so? G: Once again yes i was born in the west... and will be returning there... to continue with whatever consciousness brings...

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G: If you feel no bondage... if there is simply Bliss and the knowledge that your essence is eternal... if you live with love and compassion for those that are still in delusion... Then live and BE happy... This which lives and knows it to be but a dream and then plunges in to enjoy is what would be termed a Tantric type mindset... and please do not mis-understand.... i do not say that you have the same mindset as that which is being taught in the west under the name of tantra.... not at all.... you have the mindset of the highest Tantra.... that which knows the illusion of maya as a continued dream and plays within the ego form... That which celebrates ALL of life... High Tantra is in Being so in tune with ALL of Life that you lose your self in the sacred of the ALL.... When you celebrate the ALL and see the diversity as a divine unfolding a divine play then THAT is a Tantric mind.... And that is Fine.... Enjoy Life and BE a GRAND CELEBRATION!!!

Finally the Self Appears No more entertaining the mind of thoughts. Nor dreaming the dream of death.. For finally the Self appears! the non-self is no more; vanishing as dew upon a hot day. And when the ego self is slain in that moment beyond time... what is there that remains? Consciousness walking in Bliss.... Awakened to the Truth of Emptiness.. The Formless Constant Beyond Aspects... and Maya becomes the playground of dream... The transient thought created realm of self-imposed limitations of experience... And All exists in Bliss!!

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Understanding Kundalini What Does the Kundalini Do? G: The kundalini is an energy force, Concentrated Consciousness that moves when awakened through the 3 bodies. Moving as though through the physical body it releases all past and present vasanas and sanskaras, to see and go through, until they are dropped and cleared. Although having a great impact on the physical form, it, in the end, has little to do with form at all, but simply to go beyond ego to merge with the Formless Constant or Pure Conscious Awareness, the Emptiness of Being which all form merges from and returns to. During its upwards journey the 3 bodies or physical, subtle and causal will be traversed. Or you may say the physical, mental, and emotional bodies will be cleared.

On this journey you will see and experience many levels, but remember, all are only mind play, movements of consciousness. The power and energy come to a halt when the kundalini experience reaches its end destination, which is loss of ego and merging with the Source. Within the Source there is only light, the power ends as there is no longer any movement. From there you will once again enter the flow of life, Being simply Truth, Consciousness and Bliss, Clear of all past pre-conceived notions and illusions created by the form’s experience. There is no longer a feeling of "i am this form," but rather the Universe is Consciousness Moving. There is no i separate from Consciousness, Only Consciousness beyond the form remains; Ever conscious of the One and knows the many to be only seeming aspects of the One. S: Please forgive me but what you say here sounds like hocus pocus, unreal. I don't understand the necessity for talking about this energy and 3 bodies in order to free oneself of ego.

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Surely there must be a more direct experience way of doing this. G: i don't stress anything to do with the kundalini, but there are some that have asked and so i posted about my experience with it. Kundalini in itself can be very dangerous and therefore i always stress that it not be attempted to be opened. i was fortunate to make it through the process alone, and, if you read at the end that it was the experience of so-called realization that ended the kundalini phenomenon. Kundalini is not hocus-pocus but it is not the easiest route. Also some have come to where Advaita leads by way of kundalini, but when they saw the truth of existence that they do not exist as a body form, it was not accepted; they were not ready for the reality and kundalini put that reality in their face. That is why it is much better to go the easier route by meditation and contemplation, by going in to a quiet mind. The kundalini is a process that is direct, there is no choice once that process begins. It gets rid of the emotional baggage and fears etc. by putting them directly in the face so to speak. There is no avoiding any of it. But, once again, it is not the gentlest way, and seeing the Truth is not liberating for those that are not ready. It can be quite frightening to suddenly find that maya is no more and you are in a place of emptiness where you have never existed. For some to see beyond personality and form is quite devastating. That is why the route of having the understanding of Advaita prepares you for the reality of the experience and you can reach there by contemplation of the truth and by staying in the moment, just coming to the point where there are no relative thought patterns. When you reach to that point then the Bliss will be felt. When that Bliss comes then you surrender ALL even the desire to reach. You need not be in the presence of a realized person, they cannot hand you enlightenment; it comes through your own dedication and yearning for truth. They can only point the way and can spur you on, for when you are close to them you can !78

feel their quiet, their internal quiet in the midst of disruption. But the path must be walked by the self and the ego death must be faced alone. You can go beyond the "knowledge about" to the experience of if you simplify your life and live in a zen type of frame of mind – quiet, aware of each movement, staying in the moment, watching where the thoughts come from and where they go to, asking who is this that desires, where has this desire come from, and where has it gone to? Question and watch.... watch and learn... learn and let go.... S: I value your teachings. My husband and I have been interested in non dual reality for over twenty years and although we have captured the essence of witnessing, the ego remains. What is one to do? Is it only by grace that one realizes? Must one be continually in the presence of a teacher who has realized? G: Once again, NO. The teacher simply points the way, but, in the presence you can see the reality that it is possible. That is all. It is wonderful to receive your mail. May you continue your search for Self for only in discovering the Self is true Bliss gained. When resting in the Constant, the transient becomes a game to see.

Kundalini Experience – Genuine or False? S: Recent reading is prompting me to ask: Do experiences we describe to ourselves as kundalini-related result in: 1. Paranoia of varying degrees? G: Yes it can.... depending on how much you attach to the experiences at hand.... if a lot of fear is rising and the manifesting occurrences take on a sinister appearance... it is quite possible to go into a type of paranoia.... but once you can see beyond the happenings and know that they are simply !79

mind generated illusions you can move through it.... when you can come to the point of surrender and not give any energy to these type of happenings you will balance out and the manifestations causing the paranoia will end immediately..... S: 2: Lightly to heavily disordered thinking – missing referents, tautological reasoning that is circular, a sense that we don't have to provide ”evidence” of our assumptions or conclusions? G: The thinking processes are altered along the way... you go from relative and logical thought that is built upon one experience to another within form... to where the mind stills and the relative thought processes stop... and within that transition, various and manifold changes occur.... there can during the process occur heavily disordered thinking, depending on how you are re-acting to and interacting within the process..... as the mind is slowing and you are entering into a higher awareness, you can go through a period where you appear to space out – you can miss whole passages of what was said just the moment before.... this will adjust later down the road... sometimes you go directly to an end and there are no logical steps to that end... information and knowledge on certain things just appear within the framework of consciousness... it does not mean that the end conclusion or awareness is wrong... there is NO evidence for some experiences.... you cannot "prove" by evidence the experience of Nirvakalpa Samadhi for it is beyond the 5 senses and thought.... you can only "prove" what is seen and known in the relative world experience... what is beyond that cannot be "proved" – it is a singular experience... within realization or Nirvakalpa Samadhi there is only ONE experience and Truth that is known... which shatters all the formerly held beliefs.... what emerges is a singularly held Truth... in this you can know that it is a true experience.... in that what you know to be Truth is supported by the great scriptures and the sages throughout history.... it is not something that has been studied !80

and memorized and intellectually known, it is "KNOWN" 100% by direct experience... and that experience is unshakable.... S: Generalizations (I'm right on the borderline with this one) – implicit sense that kundalini experiences are “special” and that everyone is not experiencing them in one form or the other. (Could it be that that kundalini is almost synonymous with adaptive dysfunctional response to experiences within a certain spectrum of normal human capacity?) G: There are those that will create within their minds with great imagination a false kundalini experience.... not everyone is experiencing a kundalini experience.... just as not everyone is imagining a kundalini experience.... kundalini is simply an unfolding of consciousness.... an energy which directs the consciousness to move through all the pre-conceived notions and self-created bondages created and held in place by our own belief system and thought..... special? What is special? Just as in realization, there is nothing special in it; ALL will come to eventually know the truth of Who and What they are and are not.... what is special about that.... and yet it is simply also a fact that there are precious few that truly "know" beyond a shadow of a doubt what is God.... and what is existence... and just where they fit in the scheme of things... or achieve that inner peace which comes from that direct experience.... but it is the Essence of simply unfolding Life... and what is beyond this limited life experience.....

The Flame of Truth G: The only ones that can help another through the experience are those that have already walked the path.... may we all continue to be willing to share those experiences openly... without guile... there is no reason for jealousy and backbiting. There is no reason for the baiting tactics employed by some... All are simply of the SAME ESSENCE.... the same Life... the !81

same Heart of Bliss... each spark of light contains the essence of the whole flame.... none is less and none is more.... one may appear to be a burning a little larger or brighter... but the properties are no different than the smallest spark.... One may see a little clearer.... that is all.... but each are eternally ONE and the same.... This is the path of the flame... the flame of truth... kundalini burns away the dross... clearing out the mental modifications.... clearing out the pre-conceived notions and the ideations.... until at last nothing remains but the Undiluted Pristine Clarity of Truth.... Simply the Essence remains.... with the rest of the dross seen as un-important illusions – dream material which brings you to the feet of the Divine... and when the blessed feet are reached and you are surrendered completely, then what is left... Nothing but the Source.... The kundalini is flowing through the tributary called soul and the journey ends and begins afresh within the Ocean of Source..... so please my plea is that we do not pollute the rivers along the way....

Goals, Dreams, and Destiny S: I am a new member of this forum and also to Kundalini Yoga. I am interested to know whether there is any form of Kundalini Yoga for the manifestations of one's goals and dreams. G: My dear One, that does not need kundalini yoga to be accomplished... hahahahahahah.... that is within the realm of mind. All within the maya realm is created and sustained by mind and belief alone. S: Can one relate to the future/destiny by Kundalini Yoga? G: If you are asking about paranormal happenings, yes, these things occur within the kundalini experience. But they do not in the end give you any more power or peace or control. In controlling one thing you lose control of another; it remains in !82

balance. Your destiny is created by what your actions and reactions are within this moment. If life is lived well NOW, you need not worry or be concerned with what is beyond NOW.

Going Beyond Identifications S: I am new to your list, and fairly new to the whole Kundalini experience. G: Welcome and any way that this One may be of help do not hesitate to ask. S: I was thinking that I was spontaneously awakened at one point, but lately I have been wondering if it’s possible to have this happen in childhood? G: Anything is possible, but not likely. But let us proceed with your experiences and sort it out. S: The reason I ask is that looking back on my teen years, I think a lot of what I put myself through could have been due to Kundalini Crisis. I was a really obnoxious, depressed, selfloathing soul back then, and I remember always feeling like I couldn't control myself and I had horrible anxieties etc. G: Hahahahahahahahah... well that sounds pretty much like the usual teenage experience, fluctuating hormones, ideations from family, friends etc. about who and what you are, or taking what is said at face value and accepting it as valid, wanting to have some of your own freedom and ideas valued etc. Well, so far it is a "normal" upbringing with all its pain and difficulties within the family setting. The dynamics of growing up can create a very dis-functional feeling and selfideation but that is not necessarily due to kundalini. S: As I got older, I started to take control back of my life, and started doing meditation, and working with my inner self, Spirit, however you refer to it, anyway.

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G: What is worked with is the mind’s ideations of who you think you are. The Spirit or Self or Essence is ever Pure as it is. It is covered over in the illusions of truth - falsehoods that we take ourselves to be. The partial story is taken for the whole, such as I am body, mind and spirit. The body is transient, it is not who you are nor are the thoughts and mind identifications. They relate to the phenomenal world’s experience that is wrapped up in the body identification and the dynamics surrounding this experience. But you are much more than this limited experience. First know that. What is worked on is the misaligned self-identity of what you have been taking to be yourself. S: About a year ago, I had a wonderful blissful encounter with what I perceived as God and in this vision I basically expressed all my thoughts, feelings, fears, and it felt like I sat there talking it out and listening to the answers for hours, but when I came out of meditation only 20 minutes had passed. After that experience, I started having the rush of heat up my spine, and seeing auras around people, and all sorts of interesting things. I didn't even know what Kundalini was at that time. So, it was kind of unnerving, but I wasn't truly fearful because I just kept that vision with me, and my faith, and as Spirit will do someone shortly after that happened to speak of Kundalini, and I asked what it was. G: Ah..... the question is asked and the universe brings the answer.... hahahahahahhahaha... Yes, from what you have related on this juncture, yes... most definitely that was a kundalini awakening, a movement of conscious awareness into the subtle realms of experience and yes within the timeless realm there is no sense of minutes versus hours. Time as it stands is bent. Time at any rate is a concept of man, a way to divide and categorize experience. Time is not a constant, it is a fluid state. Only mind gravitates to it as a solid, just as it has gravitated to the “understanding" to this point of what you have taken yourself to be the identity of ego !84

(body-mind-spirit), a separate special form and identity within the cosmos traveling the road to perfection. hahahahahhahahahaa.... the great cosmic joke, for that which we seek, beyond the periphery we already are. We know inherently there is more than meets the eye. Unfortunately, we think that it is something other than ourselves or what we are. S: Anyway, the last year and a half or so since that happened has been very interesting. I have had to work through a lot of fears, and other emotions, and have had what I thought was my truth revised more than once lol. G: Hahahahahahaha....well that is understood and validated and it will continue to undergo transformations until the Truth or Source is Known directly. Fears and emotions will continue to arise until they are seen through as the ego self-fighting for its perceived survival. The concepts of self-identity as a singular entity with a mission or as a progressing soul keeps this in play. What moves within the relative experience is mind, that is ever transient. What is stable and unchanging is Essence or Source which makes mind possible. What comes and goes is the vehicle of form - which provides sensory experience and hands on life. What is permanent is Spirit. You are the Eternal Spirit and also the transient life and mind journey. The mind experience colors the rest of the journey, creates, sustains and breaks down to re-create in some form or manner. But you are also greater than that, you are the Pregnant Void of Eternal Life that makes the entire journey possible. S: I know I am rambling now, but just trying to get an idea of what is happening with me and what I might possibly expect. I don't have a teacher in this world, my teacher has been my inner connection to the Divine and it hasn't steered me wrong yet, the only times I seem to get led astray are when I start listening to my mind and not my heart.

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G: Hahahahahahahah... Yes.... the mind can and does lead one on an interesting round about and you are right, the Ultimate Teacher and Wisdom lie within. Sometimes an external Teacher that has reached and Knows the Heart of Bliss, the reality of Being, can be a pointer, a stabilizer, a way show-er. But that One can never hand you the experience directly, it always comes from within your own Essence which is the Same Essence as the respected teacher or show-er of the path or way of Being. You are wise to have learned the lesson of Bhakti or moving from the Center of Heart, very good. What remains is Jnana or the path of opening the Direct Wisdom and Knowledge of the Self, to Know God Directly, to know the Heart of Being beyond the ego self-identity. This is what remains and then just Life - a life of the Freedom that has always been - but covered over by misunderstanding. S: I just have so many different experiences, and I keep telling myself go with the flow and don't get attached to the details just sort of let things happen, but I must be honest and say I sometimes wish that I could go back to knowing what to expect when I wake in the morning lol. G: Hahahahahahahha... what and miss the great mystery and adventure. You are right to go with the flow and to not get attached to the details. When you attempt to attach to anything which is transient you only set yourself up for sorrow. Any type of clinging whether to a "good" experience or "knowledge" whatever only sets up a stagnation, a stinking pool in the end. You are right to go with the flow of the great adventure. S: I think it is just nice to talk about it in a group, because I don't have anyone around me who understands, they think I'm hallucinating or crazy etc. I know I'm not. I just wonder how long the really radical changes seem to occur. Is this a lifelong thing where you feel the energy rise and fall, or does it subside or balance after a while?

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G: As in my case it took a good many years. It was rising and falling causing so many phenomena until at last it balanced with seeing and entering into the Source or Essence of Being. Now it is stable, resting within 0 point. Life moves from the Whole wherein the partial or transient occurs. S: Another thing that troubles me is all the talk of "battling ego." I find if I fight myself, I create more struggle, but if we don't stay mindful of our thoughts and actions we can slip into the grips of our egos and start doing the whole "big headed" thing, so finding balance here is a challenge also. What are some ways of dealing with ourselves in this respect? G: Ah.... good.... you have come to the point of being ready for Self-Enquiry. Sit back and simply observe what you have taken to be yourself for so many years. Watch how thoughts arise and where they come from and go to, what gives them life, what holds emotions in place? What are you? Who is it that is having the experience called life? Are you your name? Why does that create or sustain your identity? Ponder these things. Now is the time for Contemplation. What makes up the self-identity? When it is stripped away what remains? Watch yourself as if you are the movie of the moment. What makes this movie work? Are you this player on the screen or is it simply a part that is being played? Hahahahahahhahaha... start to look at what you believe yourself to be and see if you are it really? You may be surprised to find out who and what you are and are not. Go within the Stillness to find the answers, beyond mind and thought, beyond body and emotion. There you will find the Essence or Source and from there you will see creation and where it stems from. From there you will unlock the great mystery of life and ego and God. S: Anyway, thanks for listening ;) G: Hahahahahahah.... Thank you for sharing your journey and feel free to write any time. !87

Why an External Guru is needed S: I was wondering if you were familiar with Susan Segal and her history. G: Yes, absolutely. S: It seemed to me like she may have had a kundalini crisis but it was so powerful that it permanently knocked her spiritual body out of alignment with her physical body. Do you think there is a way to bring the two back into alignment in her type of case. G: It wasn't a kundalini crisis at all, it was a movement into what is beyond the transient. In her case, there was a disturbance due to not having foundational knowledge or understanding of what was taking place. This is why the external Guru is needed; someone that has already traversed this experience and understands what is going on and can help One to stabilize within this new Reality. It can be quite unnerving to go from at first witnessing the body and mind to a total loss of self, but, this is what enlightenment entails. Enlightenment means "Blown Out" and that is indeed what happens. There was no crisis in her case other than not understanding the process of Self-Realization or what is termed Source - Brahman - Essence or Self. If she had – had someone that understood much earlier on, it would have settled much sooner into the Bliss and Peace. S: The reason I ask is because I feel like I am going crazy and wonder how much the human brain can take before it goes crazy. G: All of these processes and experiences are in the end to show you that all is created and sustained by mind, that the transient is empty in nature. The problem happens when you cling to the experiences and want them to make "sense" within what is termed the "normal" life. This all happens to in !88

the end get you to break through all the identifications. This is why i stress doing Self-Enquiry to break through the illusions more rapidly and safely rather than having everything appearing to manifest in your face point blank so to speak. It is not the human brain that causes the problem, it is the egoic identification with the transient as being the permanent, with the self being a compilation of the body - mind - conditioned experience within the terms and context called this lifetime. All of this proceeds to take you to discover the Timeless Source which makes the play of the so-called individual possible and shows you what you are not in the end. First, you find out what you are not, then you may be freed to discover what you are.

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Fears, Pain and Emotion

On Entities and Fears During the Kundalini Process G: Take this for what it is worth, it is from my own personal experience: During the kundalini process, for a couple of months, i lived in absolute fear and terror. This thing would come, like an evil energy that would be so close as to almost surround me and i would be in terror. At one point i was literally on the floor crouched in a fetal position with my hands covering my head. i am surprised that my hair didn't turn white overnight due to the terror. There was at the same time an irrational fear that if i touched my daughter that she may become possessed. What i found was that in fighting this thing - the intensity only grew. What worked in the end was in absolute surrendering to God and just sitting through it, seeing it without reaction. It is all only an illusion of the mind. But, make no mistake, it feels absolutely real and concrete at the time. But, it is ALL the fears and conditionings coming to a head and manifesting in your face literally. It will dissipate as the illusion that it is when you can just sit through the experience without giving it any energy. it is all only a play of mind and we must walk through our "terrors" to see that they are only illusions. So have no fear, just face it head on and give it no energy. Just submit ALL to God and then let it come, and it Will dissipate. Your fear fuels the fire. You will make it through, just let go of the fear and trust God within and the illusion will shatter

The Ultimate Letting Go S: I don't have the words of thanks for the answers you gave me to my questions. Thank you as I felt I was stuck, although appreciating what was happening, having no real idea of what !90

it was meaning as I progressed. Thank you for the clarity. Possibly I was in a better place to receive the clarity, than before. G: When you are ready to hear the words that point to the truth, they will come forth from somewhere. The Truth always emerges when one is ready and willing to hear and accept. It might have the appearance of coming from an "individual" or it might come as an "insight" or it might come upon the winds of a gentle breeze. But, make no mistake, the words or concept or ideation or light will make its appearance from the Sat Guru within; where it appears to come from is of no matter. S: However, of course, this leads to another major question. G: Ask away. S: The ultimate letting go: the mind letting go of the body. When I first read that, and I had read it before but your explanation was clear and possibly I also was in the place to hear it better, none the matter, very humorously I went...wow, this is going to hurt. The body pulling away from the mind, when the mind does not want to let go. That’s got to hurt! G: What is the hurt in this? It is only pain when you attempt to hold onto any experience or when you attempt to draw away from any experience in aversion to it. That is when the emotions arise such as pain or fear. It is in acceptance and surrender to the process at hand that it progresses without the emotional and mental conflict and this process, in the end, is all about going beyond the conditionings, breaking all the existing conditionings and belief systems etc. so that the Truth may emerge in its clarity. Truth may NOT emerge and be perceived as long as there is a veil of illusion covering what you would term mind. When the illusions are shattered then the only Truth remains. For the ultimate truth to be "known," it requires that you go beyond relative mind and the 5 senses entirely. !91

S: Does it have to be painful? I understand pain, the aspects of it, but can we not evolve to the point where this does not have to include emotional ripping apart, and razor blades felt in ones core? G: Once again, it only is painful when we are not willing to let go, when we attempt to hold or have aversion to letting go. Once you do not hold onto the thoughts - which create the emotions - which create the illusion of concrete fear and pain then it will pass quickly to the point where you will face the ego death - the last great fear will manifest and within that great fear, when you have the faith to just surrender and let go, the last of the illusions along with ego ideation will shatter, will implode and leave you where there is no longer an ideation of you but simply in the pristine awareness of That and That is ever beyond relative mind and form... ever Eternally the Same Undivided Truth and Pure Conscious Awareness... Beyond Birth and Death ... Birth and Death lose their meaning. Life is known to be only an extended dream state and minds play, empty in nature therefore non-dual. You will end and Freedom will remain. S: Am asking from my Soul, Sprit and whatever else, and of course this may be my loving ego/personality asking this, but as I intend this furthering of my experience, I do ask for ease and gentleness in the process and as I write this my head is on fire. Maybe, I’m getting an ok on this!! G: You are ever being drawn back to Source from where you emerged. It is in surrender that your answers are held. Not to push but to watch it unfold, expectantly seeing it move ever forward to the end of the path’s illusions and then the new birth emerges. That which was you will end, no doubt, but what emerges... what remains... a Wonderful Happening to See. S: Write "lightly" but you know I have not reached this place without the deepness and hunger to do so (along with the dark !92

night of the soul/pain etc.), but I know this is to be an inviting to the many and if the pain element can be explained or subsided so that the fear of the pain does not keep some away, then that’s good for the whole. G: There is never progress without pain, for isn't it the pain that starts one to search? The pain in the end is seen to be a great blessing. Sometimes, the pain is the greatest liberator in the end. But, you will only see that when you have moved beyond the pain. When you have reached a point beyond the mind’s illusions you will see how each thing encountered brought you ever closer to the truth of Being. Without the pain, for me, there would NOT have been the liberation. The Pain caused my great desire to leave the world at ANY cost, overwhelming pain. i prayed many times for death; for a year, i prayed for death. But what i got was liberation, finding out that there is NOTHING to be liberated from. True liberation is in finding out that liberation and bondage are illusions. We are ever free. It is simply our own minds and illusions of truth (that which we hold to be truth - which is false - which is constricting and not liberating - the illusions of truth) it is simply that pre-conceived conditioning of society and beliefs and titles and ideation of form that keeps the illusion of bondage and freedom in place. Simply that and NOTHING more. Anything you conceive in the mind can and will be experienced or have the appearance of being experienced in the maya realm, the dream world of experience, through the appearance of a transient world of constant change. But you are the Constant which holds and makes possible the transient. S: There is no rule, that cannot be evolved to, that says this has to almost kill you to move you to where you want to be. Any comment on this and insight is most welcome as I go ahead in this, in the flow and asking for gentle and ease as the way meets me. G: What has come forth from the Silence beyond relative mind will serve your needs. On the path, it is all about going !93

beyond the illusions into the silence. In the Silence, you will find ALL the answers that you seek. When you have questions arise, ask your Self "Who is it that is questioning" "Where does this question come from" watch it and see. Watch it and know. Who is it that desires? Who is this "I" that seeks. The process of Self discovery aids most rapidly the kundalini process also. Kundalini puts the process and the questions in your face. You cannot escape them so go into them. Go into them by watching them and the illusions of truth. That which is relative truth from conditionings will shatter and leave in its wake Pure Unconditioned Truth and Pure Conscious Awareness. Simply you will see and Be One with ALL of Creation without any judgments or barriers. You will be as the wind... Free.

Dealing with Emotions S: I have read your post just recently... and found you! My K experience was just going along slowly with direction and ever since Mars was in Scorpio it seems to have gone very strong; sometimes, very strong emotions are overpowering me. Today, I had felt that the girl I was in a relationship with was going away from me, or neglecting me in... it was a very deep feeling... Of course, once one tries to communicate this to the other, it becomes very difficult and there is this deep emotional neediness from my subconscious pouring up. I am at a stage where I have become fearful of the shakti kundalini, afraid of where She is taking me… especially in relationships. I remember the picture of Kali standing on Siva. Siva is simply being lying on his back whereas Shakti (Kali) is running the show. It really is this simple. I am asking you how I can control my emotions, how I can stop them from messing up my life and upsetting the people around me. My emotions seem to be needy and selfish, yet if I keep them close to my heart and share them with my inner goddess then there is a !94

deep and true integration. I went through a phase back of a being in the knowing and resting there. It lasted for a few days. Now, suddenly the muck is again being raised into the subconscious, each time round it seems to go deeper. The suffering is more and it’s hard sometimes to be positive about life and my future. I hope you can shine some rays of light and truth on me and others who feel the same. G: Ah Yes, the emotions... we must All go through this process on the path..... i am sending you a writing that i hope helps..... first read this and then we can talk further..... but know that all this is to clear All the conceptions and conditionings out..... The kundalini puts everything right there in your face..... if you attempt to hold or control then the perceived emotions only have a tendency to grow..... Here is the Writing... i realize it is long but it may help you to understand that you are not the body nor thoughts nor emotions that are now playing havoc in your mind...... after you have read this paper we will speak further...... hang in there... it will pass...... ALL things pass in the transient realm of maya..... just don't give them too much importance......
 Self introspection and simplicity can really help on this path..... Neti – Neti looking at what is transient about yourself and seeing that it cannot be That which is the Eternal and Perfect Self of Being..... if you can do this introspection and go into the silence and stillness the process of kundalini will complete much quicker and with much less upheaval......

Human Suffering, Fears and Pain S: It's important to remember we are human, and that fear and pain are part of this human life. Transcendence is one thing, Denial is another.

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G: No one is saying to go into denial.... but in not clinging to the pain, you move through it to Transcendence.... do not read into what is being said.... so many cling to their fears – afraid to let go.... believing it is part of their identity.... you cannot move through a fear unless you are willing to drop it.... unless you can see beyond it..... S: The basis for great Compassion is Pain, and Understanding and Suffering are part of the great Compassion. For without the experience of Pain, there is no Compassion. G: You can have had that experience which brings you to compassion... but you don't need to keep wallowing in it.... this is another justification for hanging onto your pain.... "it makes one more holy".... it does have a purpose, but when that purpose has been served, be willing to move beyond it.... there is no great holiness in continuing to suffer.... to continue to beat yourself does not improve mankind nor yourself in the end.... yes, one suffers.... i also suffered for years and years... but there is simply a time to transcend that suffering.... suffering brings you to the search.... and suffering can prepare the mind to break the ego of man... to bring you to your knees.... to develop compassion.... and yes you can feel absolutely the pain of the world – it can become overwhelming.... but it does not move mankind forward to remain within that state.... within the path of Christ, yes, one will go through this experience.... but realize that it is simply a step upon the way... be ready and willing to move through it.... or else you can be stuck there for a very long time.... you can feel the suffering of yourself and also of humanity... and the pain can become so severe that you literally pray for death... and then death will come in a manner of speaking.... and you can go through another cycle after the pain... where there is nothing... like a walking zombie.... and you realize that the pain was preferable to this.... but then comes the resurrection....

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S: Without the experience of Fear, Survival becomes much more difficult. Pain and Fear are survival mechanisms. G: Survival from what? You are Eternal.... fear is based in the mis-perception that you are the body form..... Fear is what Christ came to preach against.... have NO fear..... What did he do after his death on the cross.... he went to the hell realms to liberate those there.... the apostles, remember, were couched in fear until Christ re-appeared to them... after that they "knew" that what he spoke was truth... and they went to their deaths fearlessly.... Please do not make fear a valid part of something to be clung to by rationalization.... this rationalization is doing you no good in the end.... Have no fear.... no matter what takes place, you survive.... the You is Eternal.... S: Acceptance of the human condition is critical in any healthy pursuit, even one as profound as the Knowledge of God. G: There is the human experience... the experience of limitations... the experience to dis-cover all the various aspects and facets... but do not take this relative plane of existence to be the ultimate reality.... it is simply an ongoing very small part of the whole.... take into consideration and awareness the Constant, not only the transient... you are also Spirit, not only flesh... do not continue to live only within the realm of flesh within its fear of annihilation.... only the body goes... that which is the Essence of You remains... always eternal.... there is such a thing as denial and such a thing as un-attachment... do not take being un-attached as denial.... they are two completely separate things.... denial is saying it never happened.... (which in absolute terms it has not – but let’s not confuse the issue with that at the moment)... While in duality, first you see the situation and do not cling to it.... do not wallow in it.... in un-attaching you can diffuse the pain and move through it.... when you cling to the pain, of what value is that? It does not mean that you become a robot.... !97

unfeeling in nature.... it means simply that what is there is there for that moment of time alone.... no more and no less... when it passes out of your experience, let it go....

The Last Great Fear of Ego-Death G: This is the last barrier that is faced, the last great fear to be transcended, that feeling of utter extinction that happens when you reach the veil between "knowing" and entering into “unknowing" or "Self" minus the ego ideation of body, mind etc. While it is true that you know that something will not survive, and this is not unfounded for in Truth there is no "thing" to survive, the thing was simply the ever moving mind of concepts and the body of illusory experience. These are shattered in that instant of utter release and what remains and what has always been is absolute Abstract Intelligence.... Peace.... Bliss.... Awareness minus the judgments and singular distinctions. Life is known as it has always been simply extending from that Eternal Purity of Consciousness which moves and creates Energy and Form in patterns which is called Existence and Creation, and, the "Self" minus identification resides within and through ALL of existence and yet is separate as it is ever unmoved or touched by any of the happenings within the created realm. It is great freedom when the ego identification has ended... when you are not. When you are not then you are also ALL. Yet moving within the Pregnant Void there is simply a seeing manifestation as it rises from that silence and void into seeming patterns which rise and fall due to the conscious movement which is created by the mass mind - the grand illusive play called maya. But, being at that point beyond the illusions you see it as just the ever expanding dream called life. There is no longer death nor life for you have ever been that which is beyond both these seeming aspects. When the last barrier is traversed then the ideation of life and death recede into the oblivion of illusion that was created by the identification with body and form. You !98

are ever free - Being and Non-Being, Beyond both, Totally, the ever present Paradox and it matters not whether seeming in form or beyond form - for form is simply an identification with mind, body, and divisionary concept. Therefore, for that One that has transcended form it is no longer a binding image. Others see it but for you it is as the finger is an appendage of the hand, the hand is not aware of the finger - it simply is, and so you move through existence, seeming to be in form yet unconnected to it, not bound by its seeming parameters. To transcend the last barrier takes letting go, submitting all to the universe, to the Self within. While Self is a misnomer for there is no feeling of personality attached to it, yet it is the Foundation or the Source which makes all experience possible. Therefore, at core it is termed the Self. It is more apt to say the great 0 for that is all that remains - The Emptiness which contains ALL of life For life is ever the Great Eternal Moment ever-changing patterns called mind and the unchanging Constant called God or Source or Consciousness Itself.... That; beyond questions and answers is the Great Peace and Bliss. It simply remains aware of the great show and is at rest within the space of Expansion where within and without no longer carry meaning for they are of mind and maya’s play. You are ever the play and the player and yet are unconcerned with either. Once again the Paradox which IS. There is simply that ISNESS that remains seeing yet not seeing, Hearing yet not hearing, Being yet not Being, ONE yet 0, in eternal harmony. Have faith and release the hold of ego self and the last barrier will be slipped beyond, the last illusions will shatter and what remains is what has always been, the Constant beyond the illusive ideation of the transient.

On Emotions, Surrender and Blessings G: What is happening… !99

S: Well, I had to sort out certain things... emotions, wrong thoughts. I seem to be ok now. G: Don't chase thoughts. S: Yes, but when emotions interfere, the poise is lost. G: Thoughts are reflections of past or chasing future what ifs. See the emotions as simply a type of energy rising and sit with it. Don't label them. S: Meaning? G: Meaning if what would be termed anger rose do not label it anger, just simply be aware of the energy. Don't cling to it, simply see it as a moving energy. S: Got it. G: In labeling it, you think "I am angry” and you then own it as part of you. It is not part of you, it is a happening. The illusions of you are angry, some concept or idea as to how something should be is being stepped on but the Self is ever separate from these events. S: A question, do you get angry? What would be its impacts? G: No impact. What rises is in that moment alone. It is never carried over or held. It is and then it is not... done... over... S: I understand that SELF is separate, untouched, pure. I also understand it is the ego playing these games. But in our case it seems to continue. How so? Remedy? G: Don't attach to it. When there are no desires it will settle. When you are in the moment there will be no attachment. When you seek nothing whatever rises is as it is. Oh.... suddenly a wave of great tiredness and exhaustion just washed over me, must be someone here in the room. S: Oh...?

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G: Other’s things are felt, but it is fine for they just pass through. S: Your feelings knowing/feeling for ALL...is it a signal (not getting the word) of all enlightened ones? Or kundalini shakti? G: It just happens. It is not sought. It just appears as other things appear and then it passes through. S: I guess kundalini awakening is a synonym to Selfrealization? G: It can help in the process, but it can also take one down a long road on many other journeys first. It does not always lead to self-realization. It is a falsehood that when it reaches the crown chakra that Self Realization takes place. First it must come back to the heart. It must rest in the heart and the surrender must be complete. The searching ends and Self Realization is entered into at that point. As long as the mind seeks the continuing phenomena will happen – visions, lights, sounds, siddhis, etc. etc. But when the heart is entered into and the seeking ends then Grace descends and Self Realization or Enlightenment takes place. The other happenings help to purify and move conscious awareness towards being ready to accept that Divine Grace, to ultimately surrender all experience and concepts and self-ideations to the altar of truth and be willing to enter into the great unknown and unknowable. It is a process of rediment, it prepares one for Self Realization, to move beyond the physical and subtle realms into the Reality which makes the other realms possible. When you have searched the physical and the subtle, have seen how things may be manipulated and how powers come and go and in the end they in themselves are not enlightening nor do they bring the peace nor Bliss that lasts, then you are ready to utterly surrender. When the heart is entered and surrender is complete the Enlightenment or Self Realization happens by Grace. When all of the doing has been done, and

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all of the searching comes to an end and surrender happens then Divine Grace takes over. S: I have been wanting to tell you this. Last Thursday, thoughts were clear and an understanding dawned in me that visions and other experiences are nothing before the Silence, Stillness and I guess I had a faint experience of that. G: Ah good you had an insight. That is correct, all of those are as nothing. The silence and stillness is the primary the others arise from. S: These days, after satsangs started, Silences are getting easier and easier, not much fighting. But I cannot stay in it for longer durations. I also realize that emotions are loosening their grip, at least sometimes. Could it be indifference, as generally spoken of? G: That is fine, just relax into them and do not attempt to hold onto it. In attempting to hold it you separate yourself from. Could be that you are moving into the space of the lessening of temporal desires. It is a definite movement forward. Just continue as you are doing with your sadhana and it will unfold as needed. Just do not cling to any happening. Just let it all flow. S: Right. G: Experiences come and go but the Constant remains, the underling Silence, Source, Bliss IS. Enter therein and the other experiences will steady. They will not pull you one way or another any longer. Be the hub of the wheel. S: You have told all along to enter the heart. How do I do that? Is it to concentrate on the heart on the left chest? G: Do not cling to the outer movement as that can with enough force send you flying in a tailspin. No, the right side of the chest, and it is a focus, an awareness. S: Right side. !102

G: To enter into the heart is to rest, to be accepting and have faith in whatever comes. Yes, the right, about two finger spans to the right of center. Breathe from the heart and rest in compassion from the heart. Within the heart is the great impersonal, the love of All. S: Got it. G: Good. S: Can I call you sometime? G: Yes, of course. Namaste. S: Namaste, no blessings? G: The Blessings are always with you. It does not waver. If you trust in the guru the blessings abound. S: I feel good to read/hear from you every time. G: Trust in the Self and your progress is assured. S: Past 2-3 days I was feeling bad because you did not end the dialog with “Love and Blessings.” G: When you find this within your Self as it IS, then the outer guru is no longer needed. So do not cling to this form. The Formless within you is the same. See once again the mind raises its head and you take a sadness to heart that need not have been. S: I know, but I am unable to help it. Does not the external one appear to confirm and remove the obstacles? G: This is what is to be overcome. It is not the outer circumstances, it is always simply the ego self's self-defeating limitations, created and sustained by the mind’s illusions of truth. The external one comes to point the way. You yourself must walk the path. If it were so easy then we would take it all away. We would not let suffering remain. S: Right...

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G: But it is up to the aspirant to take to heart the words of the guru and to let loose to that which they are clinging to and to have faith and to surrender to the Self within. This is the purpose of the guru, to continue to say "what i am you are" there is no separation or difference. It is simply your mind’s idea of difference which keeps the separation in place. But i am not higher and you are not lower for there is no you or i in the end. There is simply the One which all appearances stem from. S: Again it is Guru's view! From the ignorant one’s point of view? G: This is why if you can absolutely trust the outer guru that you will be drawn to center and will have the divine grace to enter within the Heart of Being which is non-separate from your essential self. S: I understand… G: What is ignorance? In true ignorance is complete unknowing and in that Liberation... hahahahah... the ignorance of man is in the idea of knowing or need to know of facts and relative knowledge, of needing to gain more and not willing to let go of all, in letting go of all and in total surrender in the end nothing is lost but ALL is gained. What is there to hold? What is there to know? Except the Self as paramount to existence. That Self is existence and never perishes. That source is Ongoing and the transient is the by-product thereof. That is ALL. So all the knowing is useless in the end, all the scriptures and the valuations, in the end what moves the Universe is Self Knowledge. When that is Known all else falls into place and once again the age of Enlightenment will be. So if you want to save the world first know your Self and the rest will take care of itself, for as you move from center the rest of existence is touched by your Being. That is ALL. S: Oh! I have no such intention!!! One question…

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G: Yes..... S: Do you/would you/can you KNOW everything about the person, seeker? So that you can help them better? (Well, better is not the word...) As people are in various degrees of maturity? G: What is there to know? What needs to be known is, but the guru does not go looking into your private life. It is not needed. If something needs to be addressed it just appears and comes forth. But the psychic endeavors are dropped and no longer entered into as there is no need. There are no various degrees of maturity as such. There are just simply different awarenesses and ever progressing concepts of awareness. But none are higher or lower as far as so-called soul growth. You either are realized or not. And there is no difference in those that are realized from those that are not except one rests within the ONE with no ideations of bondage that remain. The other is still under the illusion of bondage - separation growth etc. But in the end they are both the same essence at Center. Both move from the same center of Source. If you were separate from Source you would have no life. Source is Life and life does not end with the transient body. Bodies come and go but consciousness continues and it is One within the Heart of Being. No matter how much the mind says that you are separate from God or Source that is simply an illusion of truth. You are not nor can ever be separate from that which you seek. What you seek is the Heart of who you are. S: You mean the need of the seeker alone moves the Guru? G: Yes..... S: Otherwise guru is nothing but SELF? G: The guru is content to rest within Self alone, there is no need to seek anything. It is the student that moves the guru. S: No personal interests, or anything of the sort?

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G: Yes, that is the consciousness of the Guru simply Self. There is no longer any discrimination of anything other than Self. No, interest in what? What remains? Hahahhaa... liberation is when Life is accepted as it unfolds as the great mystery and what comes within this path comes. When students come the guru speaks otherwise we are silent within Self and resting within That Bliss. S: Great State indeed!!! G: There is no need to seek students nor experiences. Nothing is sought, it unfolds and is entered into as it IS. Yes, being beyond a State it is indeed Wonderful. States come and go, this is unmoving. The transient is empty, it is simply moving forms created by the energy patterns of moving mind and beyond mind’s involvement the One IS, and the realized one just simply is aware of the game called life and clings not to any of the ideations for they no longer arise within mind. Mind is stilled within simply ongoing Awareness. S: May I ask for your blessings? G: Of course but it is not needed. When one has the guru within their heart the blessings are always there. They need not be asked for. Does a parent ever withhold that which a child needs? Hahahhaa S: No, please say it. G: Then may you go forth with Blessings, Peace, Bliss and rest within the Silence of Self, always resting within the Heart of Bliss. Love and Namaste.

Handling the Rising Fears G: This is indeed a trying time, but have no fear this one also endured such a type of happening. In the beginning all the fears seem to appear in one form or other. You are right to pray and to ask for help. Now when it happens just totally !106

submit it All to God and sit still. Do not fight it. Do not love it. Just see it and let God or Inner Self handle it and it will, it will end. The fears and thoughts rise and keep coming until they clear, then simply clarity will remain. This is why you must stay centered within the Heart, in the Heart of Being. It will see you through this amazing journey. It is now in the process of showing you what you are not, and to show you that all that is rising is due to mind and thought, the illusive and illusion of it all. This is what is the value in what is happening, but yes it appears to have substance and be real at the time. But it only has the reality that you give it, that you cling to. The main thing is to not "fear" what is happening, the fear in itself will generate like thoughts and happenings. So come to center and be Still. Just sit and go within. Be Still. Yes, in the beginning the mind will rage, it is the accumulated garbage which surfaces and shows itself at first but it WILL Clear, just have patience. This is why it has been stated in the teachings that an external Guru is needed, to help to support you during this important time, to help to point the way through. This is the sword of spiritual realm. It cuts ego and brings life and death within the same blow. Enlightenment is being blown out, so be prepared for the wild ride in the beginning. You will survive it and come out much better. In the end is Bliss and Peace. So hang in there. Love and Blessings on your journey to Self. Remember you are always safe no matter what the outer appearances are. Just have faith and total trust in the Universe and you will be well.

Fear and Self-Pity S: I don’t pray for liberation anymore or anything, can’t pray. I don't think there is anyone to pray to. You get what you are destined to get and nothing else. At this point I figure it’s all

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grace that can do anything. I can’t do anything much anymore. G: Where does Grace come from? Grace comes from the heart within, submit to the heart and live to that. S: I can sometimes do the work of B Katie and undo some painful beliefs in the moment but even that is usually hard. There is a wonderful monk here now. He is considered a living Buddha in Burma. I saw him in August and he is back with his translators. He doesn't have any pretentious or traditions of being a guru. He is adorable. If Katie had a child with ET it would be Cealo. I told him I am so afraid to live. I used to have optimism and courage and humor, I had tremendous illness, pain and kundalini craziness but still there was a strong will and faith. It pushed me along to many adventures. Now I am simply sad and afraid to live that life is going to beat me down. I can't take any pain or struggle or discomfort at all, not even one percent, very fragile. I finally broke but I didn't come out of it “realized.” I gave everything I had - mind broke, body broke, emotions broke, only ego stayed. G: That is the problem - the mind identification was not totally broken through, nor was the identification with body and emotions. S: I lived on almost nothing roaming about the world dysfunctional and ill, and in a panic, praying and trusting in all my concepts hahaha... I heard my mind breaking apart like an iceberg cracking apart in the ocean. I saw my mind melt away like wax melting on a candle. I had Ramana’s experience and died to myself and short time later, a gripping like a fist came out of pure intelligence and ME was back. G: Ah... you have taken back mind, that is all. If you have tasted the freedom then you KNOW that it is Truth. THAT cannot be denied. Read the Vivekachudamani as it speaks on this. Do not take back the mind again and then once again !108

start clinging to the emotions etc… Let it go. You can. If you have had the experience then you know on One level that you as a personality do not exist except as the concepts and mind thoughts that you entertain and hold. But these are not the Purity of Being. Ego identification as body - mind - and form are once again attempting to gain soil and sprout but the Truth has been entered. So let it go, be the child of the Universe. Why to cling to such pain? S: The pain was excruciating for 30 years and only recently has it let up. But I am afraid at any moment the suffering and mental craziness, heat, illnesses, and millions of totally alien experiences will come back. G: This "fear" is what is ruling you, yet it only has the substance that you yourself give it. If you give it no energy it WILL dissipate. Essence is Eternally the Same, Pure and beyond the contamination of experience in form. So why to seek out these fears? You have crossed the biggest unknown and unknowable into the great mystery. Why do you take back the identification with the transient as being the absolute. The transient is just that, transient. The Absolute is what you are, beyond any of these temporary identifications. Fears come from what May come. Why to fear what is not even here? Bring yourself back to this moment. S: Loss loss, I would just like life now to be easy. I would love life to pour down abundance. Cealo told me the suffering is gone and Katie said the same. G: Material things come and go, that is the nature of this world. If you try to cling to any of it for your sense of self or safety then you are in trouble and suffering comes not within the loss of anything but within the attempting to hold it, within the inability to go with the flow. It comes and it goes. See life as an adventure and watch what comes forth. Do not stagnate, stagnation is not pretty. Water that doesn't flow gets muck and all sorts of garbage polluting it. Don't be the stuck !109

pond with stagnating ideas and concepts that will begin stinking in time. See it as a clearing out of the old for a new adventure to happen. In order to be growth there must come the clearing of the fields first. S: But I am too close to it and don’t believe them. I don’t have faith. I will have to see one of two things in time - either I get all material abundance and relative freedom. G: You cause your own pain by holding onto this selfdefeating unbelief in yourself or the universe. Only you can release it. Be willing to move forward. It won't happen by planting your feet in feeling sorry for yourself (and we have all done it, and been there). It will only change when you yourself are willing to release this self-generating pain. Hahahahahahahah, don't be waiting too long for the universe to hand you untold fortunes. You may have a long wait. S: Or I get total detachment either is fine, then I will have faith. I just lost my inheritance from my mom irretrievably in the market. G: Why did you put it in the market? Be happy with what you have - this has been a costly lesson. Sorry that you have lost the funds, but don't gamble with what you cannot afford to lose. Just learn from this one. Well you are where i was when my father died, except i received "nothing" at all. My brother took it all and he did not need anything. i was at the time broke with "nothing" while he on the other hand owned a home, an airplane, etc., etc., etc... i own nothing and did not even have a car that was reliable. Yes and i felt miserable, very sorry for my "state" and i was in a sorry state, but mostly it was sustained by my own mental turmoil. Nature controlled the situation but my own clinging to mind identification caused the suffering. Hahahahahaha... i had nothing less than i had before and you have nothing less than you had before the "inheritance" that was lost. So look at it in that light. The universe gives and takes and nothing belongs to us in the end. !110

See it as such. And yet we own the whole of the universe the sky - the stars- the wind - the fragrance. None can take that. Hahahahahhahah.... S: A friend sat on my glasses 3 days ago and broke them. Seems to be a daily occurrence. I just watch it but I am not detached and there is a level of pessimism and anger that never was there before, growing over the last few years. G: And the more you cling to this anger, the more chances and experiences will come for it to grow. The mind will generate and create the experiences you are clinging to. If your identification is within such experiences then these are the ones that you will be drawn to. Let's see this week this One had food poisoning and was run over by a cow… gee is the universe ganging up on me? No, due to eating in that restaurant the outcome was food poisoning. Due to being in the way of a cow that had been beaten this one was run over. That is all. The universe moves and this cog happened to be in those places at those times. That is all. It was nothing personal in either event. They just happened due to other events such as the cow being beaten by someone else and due to the food not being taken care of in the proper way. i could be bemoaning the experiences and taking them "personally" but they just happened. Just as today when i saw a man "beating" a cow outside of the ashram, a krishna ashram at that, and there was no thought just instant anger at that action - will be speaking with the head of the ashram today.... hahahahahahaa... but the universe moved this One into action, that is all. But am no longer in anger, it was in the moment due to the actions against the cow. S: I had some illusion that if I just threw myself into the karmic stream and let myself be chiseled away I would come out of it FREE. What a surprise. When I came up for air, here I am, still here. All I learned is that all my efforts are useless. I am just writing what is coming up. Of course it’s a passing mood but needs to be expressed. !111

G: Hahahahahaha... they are not useless. They will be useless if you see it as such. But all actions will draw you to center if you do it within the movement towards Being and see the freedom that underlies all of bondage. Bondage is our own creation sustained by our own misidentifications and clinging. It is attempting to cling to the transient as the Absolute Constant. The Constant underlies the Transient but the transient is just that Transient – Transparent, Empty in nature. When it is Empty in nature then it becomes and is Non-Dual. Hahahahahahah, at one time this One was also a most miserable human being, not seeing any way out, in total suffering and misery, without any hope, praying for death but then as with all things in the transient world it changed. It took years but it was a process that unfolded. The clinging to the desire for Truth at any cost kept the process in motion, until all the fallow ground was tilled and planted and the seeds were watered and fertilized, and there was a lot of fertilizer along the way. Hahahahahahhaha... But in the end the plant did indeed bear fruit. It takes time for the fruit to ripen and when it does - do not hesitate to eat it and declare it sweet, savor the juice the nectar called life in the great playground called maya and know that you are Eternal and Unchanging Truth beyond this transient play.

Experience of Bliss S: I often, as in many times during the day, have a warmth that rushes through me and absolutely takes my breath away. It is Sweet and Warm, and somewhat electrical in feeling. It stops me in my tracks. If I am walking and it comes over me, I have to stop as it takes my breath away, and it is beautiful and wonderful. Pardon any offense if there is any here, but at times it is orgasmic in taking my breath away. The words: "God, Thank you" come immediately from my depths. I have this almost every day. !112

G: This sounds as if you are beginning to enter the state of the entrance of Brahman or the formless Constant. This is a first awareness, the Bliss. Here is a writing, does it sound close to your feeling?

Anand or Bliss (poem) What is this world compared to this Bliss, Compared to this Bliss Compared to this Bliss of Self Divine... There is nothing to see compared to this Bliss compared to this Bliss compared to this Bliss of Self Divine... there is nothing to touch (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to feel (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to hear (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to taste (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to do (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to be (compared to this Bliss) there is nothing to speak but only to BE - but only to BE – but only to BE this Bliss of Self Divine... to BE the "Self Divine"... 


G: If this sounds like what you are feeling when it arises, that there is nothing in the world that can equal it, then it is the beginning of Self awareness coming to the forefront. S: I went through a period of about 2 months, where all of a sudden it became infrequent, and I missed it so, and was wondering how I possibly had misaligned myself to not be !113

receiving it. It has become an addiction of sorts. Only to the extent that when I don't have these moments, I notice it and miss it. This sensation always comes up my left leg, Always, and it takes my breath away. I don't necessarily have to be already feeling great for this to happen. In fact over a year ago, I was done with Spirit, done with writing it, done with living it, I had had it. And I was in the grocery store frustrated, and it came over me, and I had to stop, and wanted it to go away. But it was so strong and re-assuring anyway. Despite my pushing away moment, I have had the burning/tingling in my crown area for some time and understand that to a point, it has simply intensified with fire and burning, not uncomfortable, but making me extremely aware of something going on!! I have asked before, in other places, but no one has been able to answer the question of the Sensation that takes my Breath away. It is wonderful, and beautiful and so sweet. I would just love some understanding of what it is that I am experiencing and what it means to my life, physical and spiritual. G: It means that you are beginning to access the Truth of your Being. The Essence is simply THAT Bliss and Pure Awareness, Unmitigated Conscious Awareness, That Which Is is simply Truth - Consciousness or Life - and Bliss. S: My Head is buzzing major as I write this now. Thank you for any assistance in further understanding of this. G: Understandably so. Anytime you are progressing and living truth and speaking truth you will access that Bliss, and the vibrations and energy will only rise. This is why when the Absolute Truth beyond ego death is entered into and from then your only subject is that Truth, it will rest within that Bliss Absolute Always. S: If it helps to know, I had my K awakening about 3 years ago, only a most wonderful experience. G: You are fortunate. !114

S: Also, about 6 months ago, I experienced the "dark night of the soul," of which I further interpret as my soul taking its power back from my human self. The prodigal son coming home, so to speak. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced, and I kept asking for understanding of this. And what I just stated was where I was led. G: The dark night of the soul is "also" part of the kundalini experience, most pass through it. In fact, so far i have not heard of any that i am aware of that have not been through it. It is as the path of Christ. The wilderness, the temptation, the message, the dark night of the soul, the ego death or crucifixion, the pregnant void, then the resurrection or liberation, it is the natural process of the spiritual path. S: Ganga, what does "the beginning of self-awareness" mean? Please help me to know what this experience means to me in human garment, as well as of Spirit. G: You are beginning to go beyond the personality and form aspect. The Bliss is sometimes taken for enlightenment, but it is not; it is a pre-cursor. You are NOT the body - nor has the essence of you ever been the body. The body is simply a mind creation like dream substance at night. It is holding onto the concept of body and form which is delaying your ascent into enlightenment or the experience of the ego death. But all of this you must come to concretely dis-cover for yourself. It does no good to attempt to hold on to this truth intellectually. This is what happens to many, they read about it and then "think" they are enlightened because they have the words and the concept; but, enlightenment is NOT a concept, it is what IS BEYOND all concepts and ideations and i do not want to lead you in this as when the time is right you will come to the edge of the unknown and the unknowable and then it is the time for surrender and to be willing to go through the ego death of self. You must be willing to go through that last fear and not hang onto anything. Just surrender to it when it

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comes. Don't worry, you won't vanish from the face of the planet, although afterwards, you won't care if you do or not. The Bliss is the beginning of Brahman or the Formless Constant. It has NOTHING to do with form what-so-ever. This is about now moving beyond the play of form to discover the truth beyond form and maya. Once you dis-cover that truth then you can once again merge back into form and the play if you so desire or you can remain ever un-deluded and in the Silence beyond relative thought and ideation, in the moment of the eternal now beyond judgment and mind play. Whether you, at that point, take back some semblance of ego or not will be determined after the truth beyond the ego death is entered into. So for now all there is to say is just go with the flow, and, when the Bliss is there just enter completely into it. Do not attempt to hold or it will dissipate. Just let it BE. Do not think about it or judge it or once again you will drop back into relative mind and it will dissipate. The Truth is found in the Silence. Beyond Relative Mind, Beyond thought, Beyond the 5 senses, Beyond any sense of Form. Just let go and fall in without fear.

Clinging to Pain and Suffering S: I am still very uncertain to hear your voice... I don't want to destroy the Image of you in my soul... I was ever deeply hurt by somebody else who is talented in Theravada Buddhism and with a charismatic personality, I followed his words to practice, but at last I found that he was cheating on me... He is totally different with his image in the cyber world... G: i am not that person.... i am as i am.... that is all... the same in person.... i do not have 2 personas..... there is no charismatic personality that charms anyone.... what i speak is from the heart... from my experience that is all..... what that !116

person has done has nothing to do with me except that his waves have come into my world – touched my world from your presence..... you must move forward from the experience.... do not cling to that sadness.... you saw from that what not to do.... what not to be.... to be honest and forthright.... to be just who you are no more and no less.... that was a valuable lesson to learn..... he was in fact a teacher that taught you a hard lesson.... look to the kernel of truth in the experience.... that you found out what not to be...... now let us move on...... to BE what you are.... to stand in Truth.... to speak in Truth.... to live in Truth... no false fronts... and why do you cling to another.... the ultimate Truth and teacher is always within.... and nothing can touch that sacred place except you.... That inner temple is reserved for your presence alone..... no one else may enter into that most holy silence within..... it is sacred to you alone....... do not give it away to another..... S: That hurts me so much... G: It ended a long time ago.... so what is it that is hurting you at this moment? It is not here any longer... why do you continue to hang onto this pain? Why do you continue to cause yourself this discomfort? There is no reason to feel so sorry for yourself with this.... take the lesson from it and then let it go.... know and be praying for this one... he is accountable for what he is doing.... look at the price he will have to pay...... have compassion and hope that this man will learn and that he will become that which he says he is...... be glad that you are out of his clutches and that you have found others who will help support and strengthen you spiritually...... S: I like more of that feeling that you are the compassion atmosphere around me... Your words are always piercing into my heart and you gave me power and love to face the current difficulty...I know that there are people who even walked along the same way with that of I was walking on, there is indicator and helper ahead waiting for me... That makes me !117

feel strong in mind, whatever happened I will try my best to bear... G: You can bear all things.... one moment at a time... when you finally go within and face yourself and are willing to drop all the illusions.... when you are willing to submit and surrender to life, then you will move forward...... what is ahead of you is your Source minus the limitations that you are hanging on your own mind...... S: I need to find the compassion in my own soul, I NEED it! G: It is not lost.... it is simply that you cover it up with neediness.... compassion is found when you can love the Essence within... that spark of Divine Life.... then you will understand the ego nature..... you will see beyond the limitations that you are creating to overcome..... when you create a bondage there is a way – a key to unlock that bondage.... within, you are always free.... outwardly, you may appear to be bound.... but you are never in fact bound..... only your mind is bound.... only your frustrated ideations are bound..... S: I was born in a farmer's family in China, my mom suffered a mental disorder after she gave birth to me. I was fed by my aunt, and my mom never gave me her love, even when I was grown up... At the most present, I knew that she is in a same situation with me... She suffered of a recessive kundalini and occasionally she was surrounded by lights, and my father even saw the lights. Every day she walked to the Church (ten years ago, we moved to Tsing Tao – a coastal city in China) and pray the God to cleanse her sin. She is now still in a physical side effect of the kundalini power... but she didn't know it at all... G: When you turn your back on sin, it is not.... the only sin that is there is that which we hold.... when you can have the reality that you are not the body.... nor the mind.... nor the emotions... then you will SEE and KNOW that any so-called !118

sin was created and held in place simply by the bodily awareness..... and you are ever beyond the body.... you are Spirit... Eternally Pure.... when the false ideations and mental nonsense ends, simply the Purity IS.... and where is the sin in THAT Purity? There is NONE.... it exists and has life only when we cling to it..... when you let it go, it NO Longer has any existence.... What your mother is facing is her own karma.... she must walk her path..... you can pray that she finds her way.... you can offer a word here or there to move her forward... but she must walk her own path..... do not look down upon your birth... each experience was there to move you forward.... you will see that in time.... i also held much resentment and pain having been born also into a family in which i was rejected.... but that rejection made me turn inward.... to start the search for liberation... it put me on the path... it was a great blessing in disguise.... otherwise i would not have been so dedicated and one pointed towards seeking liberation at any cost...... S: After graduation from my university, I resided at Beijing, the Capital of China. Then I met my first Buddhism teacher, she was at that time tortured by the kundalini but I didn't even know what it is. Due to this relationship or karma, she predicted that one day I would be facing the same situation as hers. After that I experienced meditation and very fast, I can subside into a deep meditation... G: Do not hang onto any predictions.... you are once again creating your drama..... you can move through all of this by self-realization.... by correctly walking the path.... by keeping your mind and focus on the internal contemplative path..... by not allowing your mind to run away with you...... the mind is a tool.... it does not control you..... unless you allow and hang onto the nonsense that runs through it.... it will slow and end if you stay focused.... if you DO one thing at a time.... if you stay in the present moment ONLY..... train the mind.... do not let it run like the wild horse and then hang onto the vivid !119

imaginations that you allow to flow through it...... those imaginations are simply dreams.... of no concrete nature.... they are illusions of energy that you may simply see and walk through.... do not take them to be anything other than that.... S: Until one day I was hurt by the Theravada Buddhist who teaches vipassana on the internet... I found that I was really in that predication... G: You keep going back and running and re-running that same tape.... the poor me tape.... aren't you tired of running that same play? This is hard to hear... but look at it.... who is holding this up to you? No one except yourself.... so why do you keep running and buying into that same old play... that same old movie..... let it go.... move on.... move upwards.... move towards a clear and uncluttered consciousness...... be willing to let that past dream end..... it is no longer in the moment.... it is past.... finished..... DONE..... why do you keep giving it life? Hmmmm... S: The Kundalini power now is mostly arising from my left abdomen, it makes me feel living in a hell...on every morning, I cried in the dream, then it will draw back to the center of my body or disappear... I dreamt somebody coming and securing me out, but sometime they don't even care about me... I walked to them and cry before them, telling them that I was dying... asking them to save my life... sometimes they may be moved by my words and then gave me a hand... G: Do not focus on the energy at all..... give it no energy.... you keep your focus on staying in the moment... learning to live only in this very moment.... not an idea from the past... nor a misgiving about the future... but ONLY in this present moment.... if you are writing to me then ONLY write to me.... if you are drinking a cup of tea then only drink the cup of tea.... S: Oh God! Am I in the purging procedure? Why your words are so important to me? Why can you read my soul and !120

understand me? To be with me... surround me... Indicate me how to deal with the situation and gave me love... G: Because i have been where you are.... because when you know yourself you know others..... there is only ONE Source that is within the various forms known as manifestation..... once that veil has been pierced, no matter what happens after that you know what is the ultimate truth beyond all the various forms of illusion and held ideations..... that pregnant void of Life is the same within ALL...... S: Only love and compassion can save me... Only love and compassion is where I am forwarding to... G: Then BE there.... accept it...... don't head towards it – it already surrounds you..... just accept it...... Love and compassion are within and are the Essense of the Heart of your Being.... Just allow THAT SELF to come to the forefront.... S: I KNOW, but I am still so WEAK... (Currently, my wife went back to China and left me alone here, at night, I usually slept with great horror and always wake up in the middle night. I know that there is compassion in my own heart. I prepared to be dead and waiting that torture to cover me...) G: When that fear comes, just surrender ALL to the Source to pull you through.... and then let it come.... when you can see it come and not fight it.... nor fear it.... nor love it... then it will dissipate.... you will see it for what it is.... simply a fear of the death of that which you believe yourself to be...... there is nothing to fear in this..... in going through this door you are one step closer to the Truth within the inner temple of your heart..... the seed of LIFE.... of ALL LIFE is there.......

Truth Resonates With the Heart S: It is always hard for me to reach out but I am determined to make some kind of contact with you. I first came across your

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words in Kundalini Survival and have since read much of what you have had to say. G: Welcome..... it is good to receive your mail..... if you wish, tell me where you live in the country as i am now in the US and traveling.... if i happen to come by your area, a face to face is possible..... if you are uncomfortable with that, i understand... but know that you may always contact me.... S: Typically, that contact came at a good time for me as I had become quite disillusioned with an organization. I had again surrendered my own truth for another’s. G: No matter who it is that you are working with or listening to, if ever their words ring wrong, go the other way...... if i ever said anything that you felt was not "right".... then once again do not pursue..... you must always follow the ultimate sat guru of your own Being within.... that is primary.... the outside guru is simply there to support in the beginning.... to be a sign painter.... and a holder of the mirror to Self..... and in the end, to be the hard task master which tears down and breaks whatever illusions stand between you and truth...... to help dispel the darkness of misperception so the light of Truth shines bright enough to evaporate the lingering clouds which cover Being......Always while on the path live "Your" highest truth..... you can never live another’s "truth"..... you must live your own...... S: My spiritual journey has been quite intense. I know I need to travel deep within but it seems I have many obstacles to this move inwards. I have had a traumatic history as child and as soon as I decided to seriously move inwards all hell broke out. I am now in my seventh year of this and have cleared much ground with not a little help. I have been very fortunate. In this at times intense despair I have still felt the truth of my journey. It has been quite a paradoxical journey in that the intense and almost mad pain of my past has also taken me so close to what has seemed most real. I can see it now as a gift !122

because without those traumas I would never have been able to sense as compassionately this other more intense reality that does sometimes break through. G: Yes.... you will find in the end that the "traumas" sustained within this life can be allies along the path.... they can be the greatest liberators in the end.... it was so with myself.... that which kept me bound was that which loosened the chains..... when you come to the point that you experience not being the body – nor emotions – nor thoughts – then those traumas are seen as now-faded dreams and nightmares..... their sustained concrete nature ends immediately and evaporates as an ideation that has been transcended..... it can happen in an instant that you become freed from any pain of association with it...... in one brief flash it can end.... 


i know this sounds strange, but you are fortunate..... the pain drives us inwards.... it gives us the determination and strength to find liberation at any cost..... from that pain we just want out of life..... but in the end it brings you to a life that is unfettered and free...... it is a left-handed blessing..... of course, while we are still within the pain this is difficult to see or believe, but i can state unequivocally that this is so....... so have faith that you will reach to liberation within this lifetime..... as there has been nothing to be liberated from except ourselves.... our own minds alone keep us in an ideation of bound or free...... S: Your words and humor have moved me. I sense the stillness behind and within them. Through this difficult time I have sustained my spiritual practice. I feel I have further to go. Maybe I have nothing to really ask you but have just been moved to reach out. Maybe that in itself is enough asking. G: Sometimes reaching out is a light unto itself..... it is wonderful to hear from you.... you are blessed upon your journey..... feel free to contact anytime..... !123

S: In re-experiencing of memories, I have re-experienced my childhood madness, my coming apart, and in that have worked to love that child and still the fear. The energy field of this coming apart, this being in many places at once has been sensed also in the more sane coming apart, the unraveling of mediation and of spiritual insight while just being. It is all from the same ground, I guess. I cannot quite say why I have been so moved to write to you. Even now as I write I can feel the soft, kind healing of contact. I feel your experience is real, your words talk truth, and you have no motive beyond sharing your universal love.

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Kundalini Symptoms & Phenomena Kundalini Phenomena - a short list: The Blue Light Seeing of Auras Heat up the Spine (can be extreme) Cold feeling flooding a chakra area Feeling the Nervous System is short-circuiting (can be extreme) Pulsing Energy at the Base of the Spine (can be painful) Red Flame Pattern over Heart Chakra Area Sounds internally heard: Birds Like a train sound

Bells

A hissing or whistling sound

Someone quickly saying something in your ear (like Ha)

Extreme Sensitivity to Sound, Vibration Etc...

Siddhis such as complete knowledge on energy work Feeling what is happening in someone else’s body Picking up others’ emotions Photographs that pick-up light phenomenon and mists etc. normal photos Body awareness changes - feeling larger - feeling smaller Feeling as if you are here and not here An absolute absence of thought Bliss Extreme Fear (note: this one is temporary) Dreams of Snakes and Fires Dreams of - religious and spiritual symbology Samadhi states of Feeling Utterly connected with ALL - yet also witnessing and not involved.

Finding the consciousness expanding to where you are not in the body (example: seeing over the trees while you are at ground level).

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Mudras (hand gestures) spontaneously happen

Asanas (body postures) spontaneously happen

Body may move with certain music - uncontrolled pulsing or swaying

Feeling as if you are in a strong earthquake

Ability to manifest what is needed - once again a siddhi but do not attach to these phenomena, let them go.

Seeing of internal lights (flashing lights in vision.... rotating light)

Seeing the world in enhanced coloration

Yawning - Laughing – Crying Note: this is a partial list. No two people have the same manifestations. Some have one - some have another. * S: Dear Ganga, I found this list very interesting, what is it that arouses this kundalini? Also how is what you listed here different from neurological disorders and psychosis? G: The kundalini is like a condensed form of Energized Conscious Awareness that vibrates at a high frequency... Once it is released it moves throughout the 3 bodies – mental – emotional – physical – and causes all the past garbage to come up for review... it can manifest that which has been repressed or held in many ways; they may be viewed as emotion or light or in symbols or dream awareness.... As the frequency increases you are open to seeing higher vibrational happenings such as aura fields and the whole nervous system becomes quite acutely sensitive... you can sense energy fields – emotions of others – from the heart center when compassion opens in its entirety – you can merge with another’s reality and can know what is happening within their form.... This process is a cleansing and purifying.... like fire it purifies if you know it to be a transcendent happening.... it can be a humbling experience which moves you through the dark night of the soul.... the path of Christ.... the path to Christ !126

Awareness includes the temptation, the wilderness, the dark night of the soul, the death and finally the resurrection.... It can start in a number of ways....one by Shaktipat whereby one that is infused with this Conscious Energy literally infuses you with that heightened vibrational Conscious Energy.... that Light .... or it can be opened unfortunately with drug usage.... or by natural process spontaneously when the soul has reached the point of life path that requires the burning away of the last dross before realization of the Self occurs..... It can end in Transcendence – clearing away all the past conditionings and emotions etc.... or it can lead to madness when not entered into with understanding and humility.... when someone enters into it with a large ego and thinks that they control it for personal power etc. they will find that it is not as controllable as they thought and it can have disastrous results... One can get lost in the Siddhis that open and once again develop a larger ego self instead of letting go of the phenomena and moving forward to the Clear Purity of Being.... It has been here throughout history.... the Christian Mystics had the kundalini awakening.... It is the aspirant’s own consciousness and ability to move beyond the ego mind and thoughts that determine if it is psychosis or transcendence.... if one goes through the experience in faith and humility, it is thoroughly transforming, burning away the illusions of truth.... Until only the Light of Bliss remains.... until only Sat*Chit*Anand IS..... But it can lead to psychosis in those that cannot let go of ego centered ideations; for them, it only leads to madness… Believing themselves in ego to be God, becoming lost in the many and varied transient worlds and siddhis which are traps along the way. Kundalini is simply Concentrated Conscious Energy which moves throughout the many varied levels of awareness.... Bringing ALL to the forefront to be seen – known – and !127

transcended or established... Fears are transcended.... Limiting ideations are transcended ... Love and Bliss are Established.... This is kundalini.... so is it madness or transcendence? You decide......

The Blue Light S: I have some experiences to relate to you. Like when I see splashes of this wondrous blue, swirling, developing into wisps of smoke or maybe liquid pools of blue slowly forming, evolving in front of my vision. In slow motion. VERY Beautiful. That I love the best. G: The Blue light is a common phenomenon within the kundalini experience. Just allow it to be. But, do not cling to the experience of it. S: And of course, the heat in my spine through out my back. The welling of that blissful feeling in my stomach and in my head and chest. I also feel it in my limbs. The heat. But sometimes it feels more cool in my limbs. Heck! Sometimes it feels plain cold all over! G: This is also a part of the k experience. Just relax into whatever comes. It is all a part of cleansing. It is a natural part of the process. S: So I assume this is kundalini awakening. I’m very happy if that is so. But I’m wondering if anyone here can tell me what I might expect in the future. Or maybe how this will evolve. Into what? Is there some sign of being more K awakened that I can look for? G: Once it is awakened, the process will continue until completion. No two people have exactly the same experience with kundalini. It is best not to project what will or what will not happen with you. Just go into the experience at hand. Go with the flow. Do not attempt to move or control. Just let it do !128

its work and you relax as much as possible into the process until completion. S: I spoke with a student yesterday. Clearing entities, grounding and such. It was after this talk I had with her that I experienced that Wonderful Blue and a deeper intensity in general. And about a week ago I had these visions. It was, I believe, after hanging out, reading some of her web pages. One was of a frog running on its hind legs into the darkness. My eyes were open. Another was some birds flying Very slowly before me. Both happened many hours later, maybe it was next morning. G: Don't attach too much to these or continue to "look" for internal meanings. If there is something of great importance to be known from it - the meaning will be apparently clear. Otherwise, just chalk it up to mind stuff just clearing.

On Again, Off Again S: It is interesting how unique each person's experience is that there is no set checklist. This is as it should be, eh? As an extension to that, I imagine within ourselves the experience varies from time to time. For instance, I have had several intense periods of k-activity in my life... and each period has had a distinct (non-overlapping) set of experiences... probably based on what I was involved in at the time and what I was able to be aware of or open to. This time around, the bliss and heightened awareness of the scalar spectrum are noticeably missing and it seems to be primarily about unconscious flows and energy "issues". ;). I'm curious to know if others have had a similar process of on-again off-again activity. What triggers the on/off phases? In my adult life, the pattern has been: extreme stress = ON, total change in life circumstances = OFF. The off phases can last months or years. The longest off phase was for 10 years during my teenage years.

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G: Yes, this happens. The kundalini works and then appears to go dormant for a time, but perhaps, this is just giving time to integrate what has already occurred, or perhaps there are just too many blockages that need to be pushed through and the kundalini is just waiting for the right timing to come to the forefront again. At any rate, in my own experience, there was also a ten year appearance of dormancy. But looking back, nothing was really dormant as there were always psychological changes and new outlooks that were manifesting, a new understanding that was emerging.

Clearing Process S: I have a question and wondered if you could shed some light on it. I mentioned hearing a name then experiencing my body move and attempt to vocalize involuntarily. I was wondering what causes this and is it common? When I mentioned this to a friend she became quite scared, an expert opinion would be very welcome! :) G: Please, i don't claim to be an expert..... but will answer you as the view from this end..... All of the repressed emotions and experiences and fears are locked within the illusion of mind.... when one of these are touched, it manifests in an outward way to clear.... it could be some past happening or some representation of a fear that has been held in symbology.... but whatever it is, don't fear it..... just let it go.... it will manifest and then just dissipate.... Only if you hang onto the fear of it will it cause again another thing to be let go of.... Of course, your friend cannot understand.... but these involuntary things happen in the clearing process.... It is simply the Fire of Truth purging the dross and purifying....

Nightly Visits From Kali

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S: After crying buckets of tears last night, I was laying on my bed. I saw a black woman appear to me in my sight. She had a dark green top on, something around her head like a crown of horns, and was waving something that looked like a long paddle back and forth. She kept sticking her tongue way out of her mouth and shaking her head at me. She looked very tribal. I was startled and did not understand. Soon she began smiling and laughing at me and jumping up and down. Then she disappeared. I became aware of that place on my back and it 'unfolded'. It unfolded into the most delicate, exquisite feeling of pure bliss that I had never felt before. It was stunning. My body gasped and moaned and my back arched. It shivered as I thought my body must be levitating off of my bed. I felt wonderfully delicate liquid light begin to climb softly and gently up my spine in little falling droplets. It was exquisite, like tiny footsteps leaving a trail of joy. The delicate, softly glowing crystalline structure rose to sit at the back of my throat. It was humming, humming, humming so softly I could barely hear it but it made my jawbone vibrate with its exquisite bliss. Soon it moved forward and came to rest in my chin bone where my teeth slightly began to chatter from the humming in my bone. I could feel the soft blue glow filling my cells, traveling along my neural pathways. It grew from my chin, feeling the pressure of its size growing past the roof of my mouth into my brain. I lay quietly in this delicate and powerful state of bliss for hours. Each person I thought of appeared to me as a beautiful, pale mandala of color feeling their thoughts and emotions, watching them pass by. I rise from my bed this morning, retaining the softly quiet echo of such beautiful bliss throughout my body. Something major has transpired and I am not the same person who lay down to sleep last night. My body shivers with exquisite ecstasy. G: Sounds like a visit from Kali.... That paddle thing is a large type of knife.... It is used to lop off heads.... Kali usually wears a mala of skulls... it means that it is time to surrender !131

the ego self.... the sense of ego self is the last to go.... you are not that limited ego self but that Bliss.... that Bliss that you experienced is your true Nature... It is an essential part of the true Self beyond the limited ideation of form..... the tongue sticking out is also quite typical of Kali... You are reaching the edge of realization.... or discovering the Truth of Being.... enjoy the journey.... One more step to the Calm.... or the Peace which passes ALL understanding.... Beyond mind and relative thought to the Self.... which is now simply in play within the dream of life.... S: Yes, I knew it was Kali after lying in bed for awhile, but the shakti... sigh... one of the most piercing, clear experiences of it lately. All day at work, small shivers of bliss throughout my body – my body just wanted to moan and sigh; it would have been nice to take the day off, but... :) It was hard to concentrate on the tasks at hand... it is nice how then people gravitate to me because they unconsciously feel the sweetness. I am often aware of a cocoon knit of shakti blue light spun around my body when I lay down to sleep. The fibers not only surround me but interpenetrate deep into the core of the nucleus of my cells. Sometimes my body moans and writhes in this delicious state, vibrating with joy in the marrow of my bones... yes... I am quite aware bliss is my true nature.... and that peace is part of our natural birthright as humans. Although many have forgotten, I remember the first time peace, real peace, unfolded in me... I was in awe and knew then that peace was not just a dream, it really was inside of me.... I did a lot of shadow work last night, peeling off the layers of the ego onion.... kali came and did her dance before me... funny how you can keep peeling the onion and there is no center... did I say that my eyes were wide open when I saw her? She was dancing not more than a foot away in front of my nose.... I have only seen her with my eyes wide open once before... about 9 years ago.... when I was spiraling down the blackness of my anger... I had not a clue who that many armed !132

ferocious being was... I heard her name whispered.... kali.... that was about 6 months after I received shaktipat and I was learning that I was not only the creator of my own life but its destroyer... I was learning the dance.... G: Very good, very good... not many get that reality.... that they alone have created and can destroy the ego life... that each creates its own dance of ego.... but it is much more fun to let it Be and just enjoy the dance unconcerned.... today there was dancing with the wind.... S: I know I have some ego, some bliss, but I don't really care about it anymore, doesn't seem very important.... I don't force anything, just let everything go in its own time.... I get cues when it is time to go within, turn up the heat, and stir the pot a little bit :) and skim off the debris that rises to the top... G: The best way to end the debris is just to ignore that play and it self-destructs.... just melts into nothingness.... it only has life if we give it emotion... if we dance with it.... What is ego? except excluding creation.... let it ALL in as there is Nothing except that Divine One.... In exclusion is the residue of ego... If you forget about ego it goes with the absolute surrender into the One... after all, the ego is only a temporary illusion of separation....

Movement of Shakti/Energy S: Can you tell me what is the difference between Kundalini and Shakti? I have been feeling lots of heat and tingles throughout my body. I have been also feeling so much bliss that sometimes I feel mildly drunk on God – divinely intoxicated and want to meditate more. I am more sensitive to noise. One day recently in a blissful meditation I heard beautiful bells. Sometimes the shakti has hit so strongly that my body and breath moves of its own accord and I purr, sigh, and moan in bliss. I have had many blissful meditations !133

throughout my life. Last September I traveled to Brazil to see the incredible healer, Joao de Deus (John of God). While I was meditating there with eyes closed, he was intensely staring at me. (My boyfriend opened his eyes and saw Joao intensely staring at us. I didn't know this till later.) All of a sudden it felt like a sharp arrow pierced my heart and I went into a state of ecstasy and expanded consciousness for an hour. My body went limp like a wet noodle. It was so blissful that it was painful too. The agony and the ecstasy. It felt like intense electricity was zipping through my entire body. I've always been a blissful, heart-chakra type of being anyway, but this was the most incredible, beautiful experience. I was a cosmic being and not a little human for an hour. Then it felt like a balloon deflated and I was back to little human consciousness which made me so sad even though I was so grateful for this gift of God that I received. Although I continue to have the normal range of human emotions and tests, I have been so much more blissful and devotional since then, and have had several more ecstasies as well as intense shakti experiences. I wonder if he gave me what in Hindu terms is called Shaktipat? A few months after that I met a woman in our town who is said to be awakened. I went to a meditation at her place on New Year's and had lots of shakti experiences there. She has the ability to give shaktipat, and everyone in the room was shaking, moaning, sighing, crying, laughing, etc. Also, about 10 years ago there was a Catholic priest, Fr. Luke Zimmer, passing through town to do a mass and bless people. He had the stigmata (wounds of Christ). After mass, people lined up and knelt at the altar and he touched their 3rd eye, which prompted them to collapse to the floor. When he touched my 3rd eye, I felt a mild current go into me that made me swoon a bit and fall back on my heels, but I didn't collapse to the floor. I wondered if because I had years of doing Kriya yoga (Paramahansa Yogananda) that my body was more used to feeling spiritual energies that I did not collapse like everyone else? Dhyanyogi has said that Shakti !134

awakens the Kundalini and purifies the body so Kundalini has a clear path to travel. Are you able to tell me if these experiences I am having mean my Kundalini is awakened, or is it Shakti "cleaning house" getting ready for Kundalini to rise? G: Sometimes kundalini is known as Shakti..... but Shakti can be the physical manifestation also..... Shakti is Energy or Consciousness in Motion.... That which has properties or form..... You are definitely in the midst of an awakening..... so for now just continue on with whatever you are doing as it sounds like you are on the right path..... center the focus on the right side of the chest where the spiritual heart is and just enjoy the Bliss..... the Bliss prepares you for the continued journey.... Yes it sounds as if this healer sent a large wave of energy into the heart region..... and since you are already prepared, the shock of the shaktipat by the priest was not as seemingly powerful to you as to the others..... Kundalini or Shakti cleans the vasanas out and the samskaras that are held..... You are fortunate to have had that experience.... to be the Cosmic Awareness for even a moment can change your whole view of reality.... just continue in the Bhakti mode.... and do the vipassana perhaps and also the Self Enquiry of Neti Neti or Not this, Not this.... these processes just accelerate the kundalini process and make it much easier..... very happy to hear of your experiences.... instead of doing the 3rd eye exercises, either meditate within the spiritual heart center.... or keep your focus about 12 inches above the head at the transpersonal point..... i used to like to keep the attention on both places .... thereby taking you to the cosmic level but centering you in the Heart of Bliss..... let me know how you are doing..... S: Can you please tell me if only a truly enlightened person/ God-realized person can give shaktipat, or is shaktipat a yogic power that one who is not totally enlightened can acquire?

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G: Shaktipat is a yogic power... it does not mean that the one that possesses it is enlightened.... an enlightened person would not for the most part have any desire to manipulate that energy.... To awaken the energy pre-maturely is not advisable..... and many give shaktipat as a matter of course.... not taking into account where the person receiving is at mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.... many are facing many problems and a difficult path due to an awakening by a well meaning but un-qualified guru..... i am sure that these gurus are not meaning to hurt anyone.... but in fact it happens.... when the kundalini is going strong it is possible to give shaktipat to another... Just as when one battery is well charged you can charge and jump start a dead battery.... it does not mean that the charged battery has any greater intelligence than the dead battery.... it is simply an energy... but if it is directed by humble intent and a desire to know truth it will be constructive... It will burn away the dross one way or another in the end..... Please do not make the mistake of thinking that just because someone has a lot of kundalini activity and energy that they are necessarily enlightened.... Nor should you think that an enlightened or realized person will give shaktipat....

Beyond Siddhis and Powers S: In your story you mentioned at some point you received siddhis. Can you speak more of this, please? G: Yes, different things opened along the way.... first the seeing of auras.... then feeling energy.... then knowledge on how to do energy work.... then the ability to feel what was happening in another’s body.... not by feeling the energy by hand but by feeling it directly in my own body..... many things like this happened.....

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S: At what point does one receive powers, what kind of powers, and do they last or is it a passing phase of development, etc.? G: As for me, they were more of a passing phase.... i saw that they were not the end all for liberation.... and so i did not focus on any of the powers but let them recede.... i never attempted to develop any of them.... what comes may be different for different people.... some want to travel the astral planes and then they get stuck in progress.... so i have always just ignored for the most part these things as they arose..... for me they started opening up pretty early within the process..... S: Do the siddhis happen when the kundalini has reached a certain chakra, before it has made its way to the crown chakra? G: It was definitely before the completion.... before the crown chakra..... but these things can once again be hindrances if you are seeking liberation..... if you are seeking powers then that is another thing....but in the end you will find that the powers do not bring you peace or happiness.... and eventually you will move through them....

Interesting Aura Happenings G: Have been having some interesting aura photos done and have found out that i take on other’s auras. So, that is interesting. i had one done Friday and one done the next day and they were totally different. 2 were relatively the same and that happens around avasa. i am processing his aura it appears, and yes, that is true as he has been ill with a kidney problem and this morning i awoke to feel it within my body and his slight queasiness also. So am at this point translating this illness for him. When riding with my daughter, we had aura photos done and sometimes my aura changes to hers. But, it appears that whoever’s aura that is being taken on that the one around myself is always brighter and clearer, which means !137

that it appears that there is a working through their aura to lift it and change their energy etc. So, this is being an interesting phenomenon. It has not been done on a conscious level to attempt to change them but it happens at the core level automatically. So, this is where the value of satsang also happens. The guru takes on your stuff and processes it and you are drawn into the silence by virtue of being near that guru that rests within that reality. At any rate, this is just an interesting visual showing of what takes place on the subtle levels when resting within the Silence and Core of Being. Even when not actively attempting to change anything, by virtue of the nature of it, all naturally happens.

Beware the traps of Yogic Powers and Siddhis G: Yogic powers and siddhis arise on the path. They do not mean spiritual awareness. They can be and usually are big traps along the way of maya play. Any game the mind can perceive, mind can achieve. Yogic powers are in the end games of mind, highly focused mind indeed, but mind none the less. Having lived in India and met many of these yogis, this has been the case. The further you go the more you release these power games, whatever form they may take. In realization, one becomes just a simple human being without any baggage, surrendered fully to the moment at hand. Even humility is a game of mind. When all are at one level, where is the humility? You simply are....

Lights and Sensations S: I came across your “shared letter” after searching the net for kundalini info. It seems that the site where I found you pertained mostly to people having difficulty with kundalini, but your voice clearly resonated with Light - and my experience to date has been without problem, but I do have a question that perhaps you can help me with. The short version !138

is that I have been aware of the Divine as Self as long as I can remember, but at the age of six I knew I had the choice to remain conscious or not, and I chose to remain awake. My experience with kundalini never involved lights of any import, nor heat or any profound spinal sensations, but did involve kriyas, mudras, internal sounds, and for some period siddhis. Over the past 4 years I have spent 4 months of concentrated meditation/asana/pranayama time in an ashram (Sw. Satchidananda) and time with Amma and Sri Anandima (of Sw. Dhyanyogi), and all other time has been devoted to living life in Light, Peace, Love/life of sadhana. There have been many occasions of Samadhi, total communion, and then “returning” to various states - from non-dual to “normal everyday me.” An open channel remains where I am able to receive the Truth - recently was the scribe for a book called Transmissions of Peace by a group calling themselves The Council of Light. My question is this - since my last 2 month stay at the ashram (some days I remained in Bliss for the duration), then time with Amma, the energy at the base and back of my skull is quite intense; it feels as if the plates of my skull are separating, sometimes the whole neck cracks on its own at this time. The sensations increase when I read, receive the Truth, and when I lay down for rest. I am fairly comfortable, but the head does jerk on occasion and I am wondering if I would benefit from craniosacral therapy/ massage to help move the energy on. If it is here, at the skull, does it mean it has not yet moved down to the heart, or is this a process that repeats itself? Any thoughts would much be appreciated, Om shanti. G: Sounds that you have always followed the Sat Guru within and so you are moving along in the process well. Indeed it appears that the energy is moving upward and indeed it will return and rest with the Heart area. So my advice to you is to keep your awareness and attention within the spiritual heart center about 2 fingers breadth from the center on the right side !139

of the chest rather than on the physical heart left side. It appears that you have experienced the I but you may one more time wish to hold to the I identification and follow it back to the Unmoving Source, and this should take you to a steadiness of Being. It is wonderful to hear from one that has had a steady experience. Don't worry about lights etc., everyone’s experience is a bit different. It all rises to show us the illusive nature of the transient realms, whether the "physical" or the more subtle plains they are still aspects of the One Formless Constant Self. Please feel free to contact me at any time. Would like to post this letter to my Kundalini_Online site with your permission. S: Thank you for your reply, and so quick I feel you there as a friend! G: Hahahhaah some call me friend - some guru - some fool, it is all in your own perception. S: Yes, please feel free to post the question. So no need for cranial sacral adjustment? G: No, it will straighten out of its own accord. Manipulating the area can cause some harm in the wrong hands. Just do some light exercises slowly and it will be fine. S: After I wrote I thought to share with you also the experience of feeling energetically rebuilt on a (sub) cellular level - and was wondering if you ever experienced this. G: Don't concern yourself with all of that. It has nothing to do with the real you in the end. The body comes and goes. You are not touched by any of these seeming unfolding events, including all of the kundalini activity. In the end the Self is unchanging. These appear to be quite real happenings but just let them unfold and see the Source from where they are emerging. Go to the root not the by-product.

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S: Also sometimes feeling temporarily physically depleted after Bliss - as if the charge was too great for the system. (More nadi suddhi?) G: True Bliss never will deplete you. Once again you are not the body - you are That which is aware of the body and the activities. So do not cling to any of these manifestations for they only take you on a joy ride so to speak and keep you from searching for the Self. Go within, stay in the Heart, move from the Heart, let the kundalini do what it must but do not cling to any of the arising phenomena. Just see them and let them go, they are all generated illusory play in the end the stuff of dreams, you will see. Just search for the Self, the I. Let that be paramount. S: And literally seeing all life as Light for a period after. Once the energy resides in the heart and rests there, does one always exist in these communion Samadhi states, and visually perceive the Light? It all seems too powerful to be able to reside in at all times. G: The samadhi state has nothing to do with perceiving Light. Light is a manifestation of energy, moving consciousness. In the end you are within a still state. Samadhi is being in touch with the Self. When you touch the Self the Bliss states will be known. When you reach the Self there is no big perception of Light or Dark, those are still of mind and aspect.... subtle aspect. There is further to go. When you let go of the phenomena and trace back the self to Source then this overwhelming will end. There will be Peace and Bliss and Absolute Pristine Awareness.

Nad, Lights and Letting Go of Phenomena S: Guruji, thank you for your quick responses! I hope that these inquiries do not tax you too much, I am sure you have many devotees to attend to besides myself. !141

G: This is indeed all the universe moves this One to do, to speak of the truth and the adventure to the Self, and so it is not a burden but a joy to be able to converse with the ONE within the seeming diversity of form. At the heart and essence we are ONE as there is only THAT Source which is the Essence and Substance of ALL life. S: I read your email on Nad. I have questions concerning this. How does one know that this sound that one hears all the time but more especially when there is silence is NAD and not some medical problem like tinnitus? I hear this high pitch sound all the time, especially in my right ear, it becomes very loud when silence abounds, sometimes so loud I can't sleep. When I apply yoni mudra during meditation it changes slightly, it becomes like (hard to describe accurately) a siren or flute. G: Indeed dear One, in the fact that during the yoni mudra it merges into a flute type sound once again only establishes the fact, that it is indeed the Nad or universal sound within that is heard and not a "medical" condition. So continue on and be at peace. Just rest in the silence which the sound rides upon. The sound is the moving conscious energy, the silence is the stilled Constant. Yes, indeed sometimes the sound can be overpowering but it is simply an indication that you are on the right track. This One also had such a manifestation and can say that it will settle in time into the ongoing Silence or Mouni state. The Nad will help to stay your focus beyond the mentations of mind. S: I have also seen various forms of light during meditation. Mostly I see purple, sometimes I see a dark spot with a golden halo (like a solar eclipse). Other times (not often) I see a point of light and of course I see black space most often. G: These plays of light will come and go and in the end they have no great significance except to point to some part of conscious awareness that is being tapped into or some nadi or !142

channel that is being traversed within the great Universe within. So, do not cling to any of these outer phenomena as anything other than outer signposts along the way. They are not the destination; they are simply scenic happenings along the way. S: I guess my question really is, what are the signposts of true yoga and should they be held to or let go? G: The only Goal is Self-Realization, in breaking through the conditionings and illusions and delusions. So, just continue on and see these as simply signposts along the way and do not follow any of them. Continue on until the ego self reaches the implosion and dissolution into the Universal Self of Being. Some think that they have reached but they have only gone down another of maya’s paths of illusion. So continue on. But it is well that you send the updates as you may be guided as to what is the true experience and when it is time to surrender all. S: By far my best meditations occur when I feel almost no need to breathe at all. It has happened to me several times now where I don’t have a need to breath for seconds - this is wonderful when it happens. G: Yes, at these times you can be drawn inward, that is true. But eventually, we do not wish to cling to the ideation that these states must be accessed only through the meditational means. Eventually these samadhis may become sahaja or effortlessly ongoing. Once the identification is broken through and the Nirvakalpa Samadhi is entered, it may indeed with proper guidance go into a Sahaja Nirvakalpa Samadhi which is ongoing and from that point there is meditation without meditating. It will be the natural state of being beyond mind’s interference, Mouni - silent and stilled mind within the natural Samadhi state of Being.

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S: Thank you for the steps of inner inquiry (i.e., netti netti), but I seem not to be able to print them out. I will read further and incorporate them in my meditations. G: The process of Neti-Neti will break through the remaining illusions. It will help to bring you into the awareness of the True Self beyond individualized identity, beyond the bodymind-form and resting within the ONE Constant of Source which underlies and permeates ALL of existence. S: Your words are blessing upon me. For many years of my life I have felt abandoned and though I have always believed in God or the One, I have always had the impression that we had always to struggle/muddle on without outside assistance. That God doesn't interfere. G: Hahahahaha, when your heart cries out to "know the Truth," to "KNOW God" then Divine Grace will indeed guide your steps and will lead your path to a teacher or One that may point the way. One that is there to support and to sustain your journey. While you must walk it alone - you are never alone for the ONE is as near as your Heart. The teacher is only an empty symbol of the ONE that is within the Heart of ALL Beings equally. When you are ready the teacher will appear. S: Thank you so much for what you are doing beloved Guruji! G: Hahahahah, I do nothing. It is the ONE alone that moves existence. Sat Chit Anand Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om.

Blue Circle of Light S1: I have been meditating for some time, and now when I open my eyes and blink, I see a blue circle surrounded by golden ring. What does this mean and is it possible to see this all the time?

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G: It could be what is termed the blue pearl, it is a connecting with God energy. But, do not get caught up in this phenomena. For this one, that lasted for a few months. But it is better that you continually seek what is the Source of your being and cut through all the phenomena for the Truth that underlies ALL of creation. S2: According to my Guru, Paramahansa Yogananda, the blue circle with the golden halo is the third eye. In the center of the blue circle is a white 5-pointed star, and one must go through this doorway into the Infinite. G: Thank you for your input, but, in this one’s experience, it did not take me to the infinite. It was only another set of generated phenomena which led to another concept to be gravitated to. For this one, self enquiry broke through all the plays of energy and phenomena, to that which made possible that very play. But then again there are many paths to the infinite. S1: Thanks for the response. I don't think I see a 5-pointed star, and it does not stay long enough. It only appears when I blink my eyes and then it is gone like a blink. It is true that I have been meditating at the point between my eyes. G: Once again, don't get caught up in the phenomena that rise up. They are not the end; they are only signposts along the way. Just continue on.

Dreams and Symbols G: Yes, the dreams of Snakes of every size and variety may arise, along with fires and flying and churches - many variations, and, the dreams appear to be quite real. Lucid dreams may occur and many with a lot of symbolism, especially religious. Even past life events may start being seen. Just don't panic. They will eventually subside, and, don't run yourself ragged attempting to "figure out" just what they !145

are showing you. Just know that it is a by-product of the kundalini phenomenal show. There may also be dreams of vehicles and of falling. Sometimes there can be quite a show for quite some time and in the midst of a large upheaval don't be surprised if regular photographs start having some quite strange images and lights and shadows etc. appearing. Eventually it will subside. Just know that it is transient and don't give it too much importance.

Kundalini On Fire S: I am facing a terrible pain and suffering on behalf of my premature kundalini arousal. I feel this pain daily, my whole body feels like burning up every moment. It becomes worse if I lie down. Please suggest me a solution for my problem as I have been facing this for the past 5 years. I am 24 years old female now. G: First of all, how did it begin and what is your lifestyle now? Do you do any energy work - or yoga practices - or meditation - or drugs? Are there any other manifestations and phenomena that are happening also? S: Please tell me how to overcome this pain and mental agitation. I would be glad if I get any positive response and solution for my problem that's torturing me every moment. G: There are possible some things that may be done but need to have your history first. Are you under any Guru? For now you may simply try walking out on the grass with bare feet and sitting leaning against a tree. i know it sounds strange, but, for the moment relax and do not push anything, and, most of all do not fear it. i am here and will help you through if you wish. Know that what is manifesting as energy is a moving conscious awareness and for now do not focus on it or provide it anymore energy to feed from. Emotions such as fear and dread only once again feed the problem. Where are you located? This One is in Rishikesh India. Please have faith that !146

you will be fine. i also at one time suffered this feeling of extreme heat and was feeling that would spontaneously combust at any moment and can tell you absolutely that there is a way out. There is a way to complete it.

Seeing Lights During Meditation S: Is there a scientific explanation for the lights that one sees during meditation? Sometimes what seems like image of both eyes is seen after opening the eyes. What is it? G: As this One is not a scientist, i am afraid that it is beyond what i might answer, but the lights are due to moving frequency. Sound has a color and consciousness has a color. Anytime there is movement, a frequency is established and in place. So, that may explain the light, and, as far as consciousness is concerned, during meditation the location is not necessarily in the body. Therefore, when the eyes are opened, the eyes as an after image may be seen as the conscious awareness appears to recede back within the body form. This is just a feeling as to what may be occurring. It is not a "scientifically" proven fact. Besides, what is proven by science changes with a forward movement of mind. What can be conceived can be experienced through the body - mind happening.

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Mind, Thoughts, and Ego

Reflection Versus Being in the Moment S: I am not sure if I can word these questions, but here it goes: is it not possible to simultaneously allow reflection and maintain a state of pure awareness? G: If you are in Pure Awareness you are not within a state... for states of mind are only created by relative thought... and division... reflection is past if it is of mind and thought... reflecting what is around you like a mirror is a natural outcome... Others see their own reflections there... S: The reason I ask is that it seems to me that the void/ emptiness prohibits nothing, allows everything, and thought is just as acceptable to Now as anything else, even though stepping outside of the untamed rampant ramblings for a while can start to open one to other possibilities of awareness. G: No, thought only creates duality... there must be subject and object for thought to exist... Beyond thought there is no division... Experience is direct: you are ONE within whatever is appearing to happen... All moves through the Constant as transient happenings... But the Constant makes the viewing of the transient as a mysterious wondrous happening of Self... S: The Now rejects nothing that is, and furthermore, I am not sure that one can actually miss the now, even if lost in reflection. That is a now too. G: Reflection is remembrance of a past event... it is not being in the moment... by reflecting on the past you suspend the moment of NOW like a spinning wheel which is going nowhere... S: I guess I am just playing devil’s advocate, but why would it not be possible to abide in a state of pure awareness with respect to thinking/reflecting, or to do two things at one time with little self just rambling on and bigger self abiding in the !148

infinite void-ness of Being? Can one be in a state of non-dual reflection and what would this feel like? G: In non-dual once the reality has been uncovered... then no matter if you take back the semblance of the small ego and just play in life... at that point you KNOW that life is simply no more than an extended dream state... it holds no concreteness... no bondage... the tantric frame of mind is known... when the emptiness of the transient world is known then it becomes non-dual in nature... True tantra is not understood nor is it being taught in a class setting... High tantra has nothing to do with sex and form... therefore i speak not of it often as the word tantra brings to mind a lot of false concepts and mis-understanding... But when the ego form is known to be illusion and you take back an appearance of that form and enjoy the play of life without holding any experience... when life flows through you within and without... when there comes a point of no within or without, then True Tantra has been achieved.... S: What is the past when the past is present to us and linear time collapses in on itself? G: A delusion of mind play... S: That which is truly empty is full of everything, and since the thinking thing is a thing, it is not denied entry. Full surrender is full allowance. G: When thoughts go by they are not held... they are as empty clouds... you do not understand surrender... if the thought is simply seen it is not held... when you hold a thought then reflection happens... Emptiness holds nothing... for there is nothing to hold... mind and thought are patterns of illusive play... what is there to hold in a dream? When reflection happens you are attempting to hold an experience... and that causes stagnation... Self is Constant – Silence – the Still Awareness.... Maya is the Self in apparent motion and the

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motion is seen as division... but in the end there is no division; the division is simply a creation of mind....

Illusory Plays of Mind S: I am going to bed and I have to admit that although my mind struggles with the words you have written, they ring truthful with me. G: Don't struggle with it.... just give it time to sink in.... to settle.... S: Although I have been on this path for so long now and have lost faith in almost all and everything, I have not given up on myself yet. G: You will make it through.... but the more you struggle the more the (what you view as negative) will only grow.... until it explodes.... see through it all as illusory plays of mind.... the self is Eternal.... only the self is not identified with the ego.... ego and self are separate... Self allows ego to be..... it gives Self an avenue for expression.... in seeming various diverse avenues.... S: I am presently trying to reshape my mind and its negations/ depressed mode and thoughts by really trying hard to hold on the emotion of bliss in my relaxation and associating anything that comes to the conscious with this emotion, hence no matter what may or may not happen, I relay it back to within, that it all is bliss, and the outside no longer matters. G: Do not attempt to hold the Bliss..... when the barriers are gone the Bliss just IS..... the attempting to hold once again puts a barrier in front where it is not perceived.... it is always there.... Bliss is our nature in the end..... it is only being covered by our fears and mis-perceptions..... stay in this moment..... bring yourself back to so-called concrete reality.... don't dwell on trying to unravel all of it with logic.... it is !150

impossible.... and the mind cannot sustain that activity being that this experience is outside the mind’s realm..... mind gives logic and relative experience.... what you are trying to integrate is on some levels not compatible with mind.... like trying to run the wrong program on your computer...... S: Well that's the idea, and I remain confident that I will be able to do this, because to me in the final analysis, being happy and content is the greatest gift I can give any one that I come into contact with. G: It is the greatest gift.... if they are happy and content then they do not search..... search and reliance exist only in those that are missing something..... only in those that are not fulfilled within their own Being..... only those that think that by gaining more they will find freedom...... or by knowledge that they gain superiority.... it only feeds ego.... and we both know where ego ends up..... it is shattered in the process..... S: After that if I am lucky enough to progress beyond and move to the awareness that you possess, well that would be nice, but for now remaining in the now is hard already. And thank you for enlightening me and showing me a path to follow. G: i show nothing..... the divine unfolds as it will.... you will hear what you need to hear.... whether from me or from within your Self it will come...... from the silence into manifestation..... just be clear and see not to swing too far in any direction.... come to center and rest...... in perfect balance is the 0........

Karma, Ego and Conditionings G: Sorry it has taken so long to get back with you... in the midst of traveling....

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S: I don't know if I have the right person, but I suspect I do. I'm an old devotee as I describe in the enclosed post. I've recently joined your K. website and read your exchange with E as part of my introductory peregrinations. I wonder whether you think there is any merit to my theory, and whether you would like to comment. Please feel free to include it in your site if that seems desirable. The post I sent E follows. G: Ok and thank you. Let's go through it ok. i am not that Gangaji..... S: Dear E, You don't know me. I read your experiences that Ganga (Crystal) posted on her K. web site. I have been a disciple of Baba Muktananda since 1976 and have experienced a lot of the same depressing and anxious experiences that you have, as well as many that, like yours, were ecstatic, although almost always confusing. Baba used to say that the awakened K. sped up the seeker's karma. When I reflect on my own experiences it seems to me that Baba only told half the truth on this subject. What seems more likely, and I've been reading on the subject exhaustively for more than 30 years, is that our Good Karma, once we have taken initiation from a master, goes into a kind of credit bank, and is assigned as a partial payment for our enlightenment at some time in the "relative" future. Our Bad Karma, on the other hand, has to be served, either in the life of initial Initiation or subsequently in lives to come. Many of us are now experiencing one of those "lives to come." We are born to live out desires we couldn't relinquish in the past life of Initiation and must experience now: e.g., your life now as an artist. However, and here's the kicker, we don't get to bring in much Good Karma to prolong and increase that former karma. We are intended to "suffer it" and, in so far as it "hooks us," to gain the necessary experience and discrimination through that experience to "unhook" ourselves. G: You continue to drag in the same patterns until you can break though the ideations and conditionings of each life and !152

illusion held..... you can mitigate karma as you move forward in consciousness.... what you create you will move through but with nonattachment what is moved through is no longer a burden..... S: One Great Being when asked if he could sum up life (Maya) in one word, replied "Identification." G: Yes. Ego is simply the ideation that you are the body – mind and thoughts – emotions, etc..... this is the bondage..... taking the experience to be who and what you are....... S: It's my guess that all the psychological traumas many K. initiates suffer in this life could be accounted for by a theory like the one I've laid out above. Of course, it's not as simple as this, but simplicity is a necessary way to broach certain complicated subjects. G: Truth is utter simplicity... if it is complicated then look for a lot of intellectual "knowledge" and dogma.... man’s ideations of truth..... not Truth itself..... S: To get back to my theory, we have to suffer our Bad Karma, allowing, perhaps, that some Gurus relieve us of some of that load by their own tapas, and our good Karma simply goes into our Enlightenment Account. G: The guru in the end takes the karma only in the sense that when you are utterly surrendered the karma is passed through without the clinging hence the emotional attachments and pain are mitigated.... although it is true that sometimes the guru takes on and mitigates some conditions and conditionings unawares.... it is not by conscious decision it just happens by course...... S: I could be mistaken, of course, but I have yet to read or hear of any conventionally "happy" life that resulted in eventual Enlightenment. G: If you are "happy" you do not search.... pain is the lefthanded blessing.... only in pain are you ready and willing to !153

face anything, any eventuality, to find the truth..... even to the laying down of ego on the altar of truth.... the pain keeps you going even deeper into self...... in happiness, where is the search? S: I guess this is my way of encouraging you to "keep on keeping on." What else, after all, can we do? The thought that it is all being experienced for some ultimate good, ultimately artistic as well, is one of our few rewards and encouragements. Traditionally, Christian monks speak of Consolation. Good enough. G: Yes, one step at a time..... be only in this moment.... live one second at a time.... if it is not relevant to now then let it drop into the ocean of forgetfulness..... just live as you are in each moment...... ever conscious and aware of life..... S: I 'd also like to tell you that I enjoy your art. It romanticizes Enlightenment, but then again, why not? Art (music for me) is the greatest Consolation in my life, and a vision of Enlightenment functions for artists just as it did (or does) for Christian monks. Your execution is excellent. I learned the rudiments of Photoshop, but finally realized that, if I was serious about my sadhana, I didn't need to start new enthusiasms so much as satisfy my old ones, so I gave it up. A radical posture, I know, but then, I'm a radical kind of guy. G: Good – radical guys are well along on the path to self discovery.

Empty Mind is Buddha Mind G: If i may ask why do you wish to post? S: Just a friendly greeting, sir. G: A friendly greeting is hello... or namaste.... or gasho.... and why is it that you say the noble eight fold path is the one and only way? !154

S: Because it is an observed fact, sir! G: Is it not a way to change your mind? In attempting to change it, you give it substance.... filling it up with ideations.... empty it..... an empty mind is Buddha Mind...... you cling to the eight fold path.... in clinging, you are filled.... empty the mind.... empty the clinging... in flowing you are the perfection that you separate yourself from in attempting to seek...... seek Nothing – just BE and relax in What IS..... for this MOMENT is ALL of existence.......and this is the whole of the Buddha’s teaching..... there is nothing separate and outside of yourself.... and there is no sir nor madame, simply awareness... is awareness male or female?... do you cling so to body and mind? Cling to nothing... not perceptions nor ideals.... go further into your observations and do not judge .... in judging, you are not observing nor being, but attempting to become...... you cannot become what you ARE.....

Kali’s Fight Against Ego G: Kali is very interesting... Kali proceeded from Durga to fight the last and most powerful of Demons, and, just what was this Demon that was being fought - Ego. Hahahah... so you see it is ego and mind which bring the delusion of maya and keep one seemingly bound in Karma and it is within the destruction or implosion of ego that liberation is won. Therefore, Kali is seen wearing the skulls and limbs of mind and body and chopping off the head of ego. She wears the skulls, the number being that of the sanskrit alphabet. Words bring concept and vibration and form into being. Within the Silence of stilled mind they are torn asunder. The great darkness that is traversed is the ego. The Mother of the

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Universe, and in utter submission, The Mother liberates and the dream is known as it is.

Transcend the Mind to Enter Stillness Namaste and Good Morning - there is recognition in where you are as this one also passed through the same experiences, and, understand how difficult it must be to be within the military during this time as this one was also within the military at one time; but also know that there is a bright side to this in the end. Most definitely you are going to pass through it and you are astute to see the separation of the mind from the You, yes, and there is a way to short circuit and cut through to completion. The advice given so far has been good - definitely keep centered within the heart area and move from a center of Love, that is good advice; and the sound is understood, following the sound will only serve to establish that energy. Know that all of this process is in effect to rid you of all of the conditionings and concepts that have been clung to or developed within this life period. Enlightenment means most aptly blown out, and in fact, the last step within this path is when the last of the conditionings and ideations are indeed blown out and simply the Self remains minus the previously held notions of bondage. What rises should be seen but not held. What comes to the surface will pass away if you do not put any more energy into it. If it is not fed it will dissipate. The energy is like a consciousness that is compressed and therefore creates a high energy field, and it moves through the various bodies of awareness - the physical, subtle etc., until only clarity remains. While the process may seem quite unnerving at times just know that the more you can relax and not cling to nor attempt to push it, the more smoothly will it unfold. Now, yes, due to trauma suffered there will arise much intense feelings, etc. This was also so in my case, and all of this arises !156

until you can see that everything that has happened has indeed happened to the physical form and the ideas that you have held. But the YOU in the end has never been touched by any of these happenings. You are not the physical form but that which is aware of the physical form. When you come to conscious absolute awareness of this fact, what is arising and all the trauma held will immediately dissolve and be transcended. This one can state it for it is known as fact absolutely from direct experience. That which was creating the most bondage of mind when seen through can be that which is the most liberating in the end. All of these arisings are to show you that this world is created and sustained by mind and it may also be transcended when mind’s false thoughts are at an end. Within the Silence, the mind will be transcended and the Heart will be Entered into Fully. When you see that mind itself sustains the perceived bondage then you can move beyond it. There is a process to do so, and what is generated by the kundalini process may also in the end be transcended into Peace and Bliss - the Still Awareness of Center, when the process is no longer chased after.

There is understanding that it was not something that you attempted to start nor sustain. That is understood and the feelings of being on the edge of sanity is also understood. This one has also been at that point. But may also say that there IS a way through and that there is GREAT PEACE when that journey is completed.  You may, if you so choose to, contact me directly for more info as to how to complete this process.

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Balancing and Managing Kundalini

Spiritual Sadhana in Every Moment S: Another question, what do you advocate people do for spiritual work who have already awakened Kundalini? G: There is what you could call a path of no path which helps to center and to move you forward... every moment can be used for spiritual sadhana... it must become a mindset... a natural way of Life... there are some techniques that you can use... it takes moving forward one step at a time... Here is a short list but it is only a beginning... these are tools that i have found along the way... if you haven't started this practice then begin... so we have: 1. Staying in the present (no past – no future) 2. Focusing on ONE experience – one thing at a time 3. Watching the thoughts (active vipassana) 4. Rejecting everything that you hold to be "you" that is transient in nature until you come to what remains… the Essence 5. Living your highest Truth at ALL times 6. Seeing Every Moment as Sacred and conducting yourself as such 7. To relax, just be aware of your breathing... go into the breath and completely relax... don't attempt to slow it, just be aware of it and then be aware of the body within centered in the heart... (right side of the chest) 8. Do the mantra OM ... first be aware of the sound the vibration and then switch and be aware of the silence... 9. Audible mantra which is very good is "I Am that I AM" 10. Open eye mantra while walking OM THAT I AM... no matter what you see, say OM That I Am... (it breaks down

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your feeling of separation from existence and life)
 Well, that should be enough tools for now... Hints for centering and slowing...

Kundalini Rising – What To Do and Not Do S: I found your letter in a site on the kundalini, where you very kindly offered help to those whose inner sexual energy, or kundalini, is rising. G: Kundalini is not a "sexual" energy, it is simply a movement of energy that begins. In this energy movement, it touches and activates many levels of conscious awareness. But, within itself it is not a sexual energy. The mind may gravitate to sexualizing it, that is possible. But, in of itself, it is simply energy. S: First, let me tell you a little about myself. I’m 47 with a husband, three teenage children, dog, cat and two birds. I’m a stay at home middleclass mother living in New Zealand. I’m also artistic and dyslexic (thank god for spell check). My life has been varied with trouble, strife, joys and learning. My parents were Dutch immigrants and theosophists. Their interest introduced me to the world of metaphysics. After a lifetime of study, meditation and related experiences, I've finally had kundalini movement. Thankfully, to date, it’s been slow and gentle but I do have several questions and a little fear thrown in. G: The only thing to fear in this is simply having fear. The fear itself will create most of the unpleasantness. When something arises we, within mind, wish to label it either good or bad. Energy within itself is neither good nor bad, it is simply arising energy. When it moves, experiences rise, many experienced in the body and many not. In fact, all are experienced in the mind. It is the mind’s take on it all that is of importance here, not the experience in itself, and, here is why. Any experience in the end arises within kundalini happenings to eventually take you either beyond mind and ego self into !159

the impersonal Self or One within God, or, it will as other texts say take you on the extended joy ride of illusion of more Ego. Ego wishes to control and dictate situations and happenings. Therefore, when something arises that is out of the ordinary, we take it within the mind to indicate that we are within ourselves (the ego self) more powerful and therefore more in control, and if you are on a spiritual path you take it to mean that you are increasing in spiritual knowledge. This is not necessarily the case. When kundalini rises, the increased energy or movement in consciousness can set up that inner desires become manifest, such as a desire to experience auras etc. These can and do open, but, any of these siddhis that arise are simply once again another experience - neither higher nor lower than any other experience. But, what can happen is that these experiences play upon the ego identification (which is the belief that i am this body and mind and the emotions) and i control my existence. This within itself is what kundalini arises from inner consciousness to break through - to show you what you are and are not, to show you what the world is and is not. All of these happenings arise to show you the illusive state and the illusions of truth that you now hold to be fact that are self-created bondages. In the end all of this is simply to take you beyond your small self into the great Infinite Impersonal Self which manifests outwardly as seeming creation in personal form. S: Naturally, I've read over the years warnings about playing with this energy and all the things that can go wrong. So, when there's a stirring, I feel a related fear, and am hoping this will not affect or stop the kundalini progress. The next question relates to the reality of my experience, have I manufactured the symptoms or read more into what's happening than is. As I stated earlier this seems to be a gentle awakening with several things happening, it started a few months ago after a jolt to the back bone (I put my back out). There was a fluid type motion, kind of hot and cold at the !160

same time, it’s hard to describe how it feels. I have crawly feelings on top of my head (although this has been going on for years). Of late, there have been sexual sensations, which I've read are related. Periodically, peace descends. Again, this has been going on for years but now it comes more often and lasts much longer. I walk my dog every day in a local reserve and this is where the majority of the action takes place. My intuition is also becoming a lot more reliable. I see what's happing as a positive thing. Apart from my family, the quest for spiritual growth is the main theme of my life. So I want it to continue. As I walk my path, I also feel that this is something all of humanity must go through as it evolves. G: There are many ways that the energy of kundalini may activate. What you are describing are definitely kundalini symptoms. They can go on for many years. Mine started at the age of 18 or 19 and ended at the age of 50. Depending on how fluid you are and if you can go into the heart of how to move within what is happening it can be significantly shortened in time. Self-Enquiry can significantly cut down the time of processing and can bring the experience to a safe and gentle close. Good if your only subject is truth. Then, there are pitfalls to avoid. One is the big trap of the siddhis, they can create feelings of superiority. This is a big one to watch out for. When compassion arises and the heart starts opening, this great feeling of saintliness may arise and you must be on guard for falling into the great Master complex. As you move the conscious awareness forward, never assume or take that you, the small individualized self, are the power behind the movement. Remember always that None are higher and None are lower, experience within this plane is simply that; experience. Whether it is determined to be good or bad are simply your own minds evaluations on it, depending on the conditionings in place and the glasses of perception that you wear such as being optimistic or pessimistic. Yes, all of humanity comes from Source and returns to Source. Kundalini !161

is there to help you break through the limited self-idea and to take you from the personal to the Great Impersonal Self which is That from which ALL stems. Do not label any of the experiences that rise, just see them as they are. The main thing is to have no fear. See it as a divine blessing no matter what arises. Have faith that it is all for your benefit and go with the flow. Resistance creates pain, resistance creates fear. S: Thanking you again for offering to help others who are experiencing the awakening of their kundalini, I am also looking forward to your opinion. G: You are most welcome. Feel free to contact me at any time. S: Can it happen that Kundalini Shakti has woken up and is in Ajna chakra but no vision of any sort is seen? I have read of the symptoms associated with awakening of various chakras. This contradiction confuses the mind. G: Yes, it is quite possible. Not all have exactly the same experience with the kundalini. Seeing visions is not necessary. Different siddhis arise with different people. S: Do the headaches really portend awakening of parts of brain? G: When the energy moves, sometimes, there is a bit much and pain may occur. S: I noticed that the food requirement of body is getting reduced day by day and still body and mind feels very vibrant and energetic. Also I noticed that gas producing food is highly causing troubles throughout the day, if taken. Therefore I am following a diet of one tender-coconut in the noon and half liter of cow's milk in the evening. Is this choice of diet right? Is there a better choice? G: You are doing well to listen to the body and to follow the dictates as they arise. With this process, always listen to the internal Self or Sat Guru. If the lighter diet is working for you then that is well. But, it may shift. Don't get stuck into any one !162

ideation or become rigid in any way. Within any of these processes it is important to stay in balance, and, so far you have done a wonderful job in that aspect. S: Is my kundalini really awakened, or is it a psychologically imagined phase? (I am asking this because I have not had any supernatural experience or visions that should normally accompany the awakening.) G: The kundalini is in fact awakened. Up till now you have had wonderful teachers and have listened also with understanding to the inner Guru. You have made great leaps and bounds. Now what is being said is of the most importance. You have at this point the opportunity to see and know the fastest and safest way to complete the kundalini experience. Kundalini arises through the desire for purification and truth. It is not only a movement of energy but also a movement in consciousness. It manifests as energy in the body but all that kundalini takes you through is simply to see through the great illusions of maya. There are many traps along the way with kundalini. If you seek realization and not ego based power, which it is the assessment here – that you are a sincere and genuine seeker of Truth – then you are most fortunate to have written at this time before any major siddhis arise and pull you off into one of the many traps to be traversed. The safest way to complete the kundalini experience is to now begin the contemplation of Self or Self Enquiry. In Self Enquiry, the journey is safely traversed without the many pitfalls that may come with kundalini. Now, in Self Enquiry, rather than attempting to direct any energy see where the energy arises from. What is the Source? And in completed kundalini what remains? The kundalini is there to purge the self. So if you can, at this moment, begin with Self Enquiry, you can move the kundalini experience forward rapidly. If you wish to know more about how to move into Self Enquiry please contact me again. Your teachers to this point have given you good advice and direction. Now search !163

your heart and mind - is it enlightenment that you seek or personal power and siddhis? Siddhis do not mean a spiritual person, it means simply that power is being generated and mind is directing into a channel. Maya is created and sustained by mind alone. That Which IS or Source is the Constant that supports ALL that is seen within the transient world called maya. Once Source is reached beyond mind and thought in the stillness of Nirvalkalpa Samadhi with the right foundation, liberation is then Known. But to reach this liberation ego must be sacrificed. Whether you take the slower route of kundalini as you are traveling now or you step into Self Enquiry, in the end, the ego self-ideation must be transcended. The route to that eventuality is yours to accept. S: Could you please tell me some hints on the right things to do and things not to do? G: As far as kundalini is concerned, you have done an excellent job. There are few that stay as balanced as you are with it. Never push the energy nor ever cling to any happening or event. They rise and fall and continue to change as all does within the relative world of maya. To go beyond maya you must waken from the dream and that will only come when Self is discovered by moving beyond the limited ego self and the illusions of truth or concepts of mind, which now you take to be reality. This is ALL possible and you are at a great juncture in the road. S: I sincerely hope that I receive the opinion of Mother Goddess through you. And I also look forward to be in constant touch with you about this. Hope that I haven't troubled you with this long mail. G: There is never any trouble, feel free to write at any time.

On Ego-Death and Liberation

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S: The past week, I have gone through most of the pages from Kundalini Online group. Found the site very useful and a great help for those who suffer from spiritually related traumas. Hope that the name of the site reaches far. You have mentioned in one page that your activity is being reduced slowly and it sounded like you are retiring from this role. I pray to you to be kind enough not to do that. Such ready and genuine help is rarely available. May I ask your permission to mention this site name to anyone who needs help? I am sure that you won't disagree but just for an assurance that this won't cause any upset of your plans. G: You of course may endorse it freely. If they come then this one may not turn away. As the universe creates a void this one flows in to fill the gap created. S: Have some questions regarding the site contents, as well as about the practice. Now, with your permission, may I ask you some of these: Found the mention of "Dark night of the soul" in the site. Is this an essential state for every individual seeking realization? G: Although it is not essential, as anything is possible, it is for the most part a valid happening for most on the path. Do not attempt to bring up such an occurrence. If it happens, it is arising to draw you to center. If you are already moving towards center then perhaps it may be by-passed. S: Is this something like, "the time when you have to confront all your fears and weaknesses?" If so, could you please tell me what happens if you fail in the test for one of those weaknesses? G: If something is not passed through then it will re-manifest in some other avenue until it is successfully seen as illusion and walked through. All attachments will continue to manifest on some level until they can be successfully let go of. But yes, the last point to walk through is usually the great fear of self-

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individualized loss - the ego death, the last precipice of the unknown. S: In many places, you have mentioned that ego-death is a fearful stage. Is it still fearful if you are ready to sacrifice your individuality for realization? If that is not the point, could you kindly explain why this is a difficult phase. G: It is one thing to intellectually realize that the individual ego must be at an end, must be sacrificed to Truth, it is quite another when that reality is about to take place. It is stepping off into the void, the unknown. You will know this eventuality only when you are at that last veil of separation. If you have total faith within your Self and your Guru, your transition may go smoother. S: In another level of consciousness (not the waking state, and not in samadhi), will the "will power" be weak? It was noticed that in dreams, you do not have enough discrimination as you have in waking state. This is why this is being asked. G: You may on your journey eventually come to either no dream state or entering into the dream state conscious and may at that point change that pattern. Until then, do not cling to the annoyance that is popping up. Just continue on and know that in the end it has no relevance, it is simply another illusion created by mind play. S: There was also mention of "2x4 method" at more than one place. If it may be asked, could you please tell what this is? G: This is just point blank truth, no candy coating, just in your face truth to break through an existing concept or illusion of truth. Sometimes, when direct Truth is spoken, it can be like being hit with a 2x4 board across the head. S: About staying in the moment: The practice is still continuing. But the problem is that the intensity varies. At one period of time the awareness is very steady. At others, it will simply slip away. The problem is that the fact that "awareness !166

is to be kept" itself faints from the memory. If possible, could you please give a few hints of how you have dealt with these problems (i.e. if you have faced them during your practice stage). G: When you notice it has slipped away just gently guide the awareness back. No need to forcefully attempt to hold it. It takes a while but eventually it will be the natural happening. So, until then just continue to guide the mind back to center to awareness, without judgments, etc. S: About watching thoughts: If this practice had been started a year or two ago, there would have been a hosts of thoughts and emotions to watch. Presently an emotional blankness is felt. The mind does not think in loops as it used to earlier. It is not claiming that the mind has been free of emotions and thoughts. They are there, but they are of very transient nature. Thoughts and emotions come in one moment with low intensity and dies away the next, since they are welcomed by disinterest. Only time there is activity is when the Sat Guru is active. This happens most naturally. The mind starts speaking to itself as if it has two parts. One part speaks to the other part, addressing it as "you." For example, when a strong sadness overcomes thinking why the Self is not attained yet, then suddenly the mind itself laughs and says: "You practice your sadhanas in a broken way and still want immediate realization. Ask the same thing after a considerable time of unbroken practice." Usually I do not resist this outflow of advice. This has always helped. The point is, at the time of meditation, concrete thoughts never come. When they come it will be during normal waking state. But at that time, the thoughts can't be analyzed because then the remembrance comes that Awareness has to be kept. Got a feeling that you would be able to administer a solution for this. G: It appears that relative mind is beginning to fall away. This happens in the course of events. So just continue on. Eventually, the secondary mind will be moved beyond and the !167

former mind will be moved beyond into the stillness and then Knowledge will just appear within the screen of consciousness. Now, when this says "you," just look back at what is this "you"?? Not who but What? Until the you of ego no longer is. S: (Not sure whether asking this question is permissible at this stage): When will the ego go away? I am ready to sacrifice the ego-self. I am ready to gladly give it up. It is no more required. If this is so, what more is expected. But there is incapability of going beyond the mind because there hasn't been any experience of a super conscious state yet. This is agreed that there are lots of weaknesses to be overcome. But all of them belong to the body or mind which clearly is not part of the self and that is understood (though not REALIZED). G: This is the answer to your question.... because as yet it is intellectually understood. But, with continued observation, it will be actualized not simply theorized about. It will when the timing is right be walked through and a switch will be thrown and you will KNOW what it is to be not, body nor mind, nor emotional self. So, continue on with the witnessing and the asking and contemplating of what is this self? S: Then why is the unfolding not happening. Everything appears funny. Especially after reading the site. Also chanced upon few writings by Sri Gopi Krishna, where it was found that he was actually resisting and antagonizing the Kundalini changes. Many do not want the ultimate and cling on to the ego-self. Still Mother Kundalini is pushing them to the climax. On the other side is this self, ever aspiring for liberation but it never comes. Sometimes the doubt arises whether all these yearnings and aspirations are a pretense. But still it is very convincing and very strong. Kindly forgive this restlessness. That is what keeps the whole flow going. I am sure that after identifying with Brahman, you will be able to answer this question (because this is a question to !168

the Brahman, rather). Though reading this for a second time invokes laughter, I cannot help not asking this question. Again, please forgive if there is any inappropriateness. The feeling is weird as if possessing a very expensive car that many do not have the opportunity to procure, but not being able to use it as driving is not known. Kindly solve this mystery. G: Hahahahahaha.... your laughter at your own responses is quite refreshing. You ask and, i as your inner most heart reply this is all part of the game. The Abstract Intelligence wraps itself in Consciousness and plays its part as ego selfidentification within ignorance, seeking answers to unending questions and creating more questions, which in essence creates more answers, the never ending search. The transient, ever moving forward in its illusive play, but, when it rests, the Infinite is accessed and Known to be the Primary where the Transient issues from and where it will ultimately once again rest within. Only the thought of separation due to body, mind and emotion keep the play in full swing, but within, the Truth is "known" in seed form. It cannot be denied. But the play proceeds as hide and seek until you totally relax and submit to what you have always been and will always be at the Core the great Infinite which appears to divide into the great diversity called creation. The Sadhana Called Life G: How are you this morning? Or, is there a you? Hahahhaa… S: I’m ok, reading about kundalini stuff… G: Once more, refresh this mind as to where you are in the world? S: Well, meditation’s in the line if who I am thought keeps me in touch with it somewhat.

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G: Are you reading the postings at the Kundalini Online site? There are quite a few new postings there. You might wish to go to “What is this I?” S: But, sometimes I wonder if it is leading me anywhere. G: Where does this I arise from? And, what sustains it? Look there... and see what comes. Where is there to be? Except where you are. S: You see, I feel a silence of the thoughts, but still I as the thinker remains. What next? G: You need be led no-where except to the center of the Heart of Being, which is just where you are. Look and see where the thinker rises from? What creates and sustains it? Let the thinker just rest in utter submission to That Which Is. S: I got it, then there is nothing to watch? I feel a mild tingling sensation sometimes in the third eye, or in the right breast, does it mean anything? G: Do not concentrate on the third eye, it only takes you to more illusory experience. But, within the right side of the chest is the Heart of Being - go within there. Do not watch it, go there. S: Should I concentrate in the center of the chest or at the right breast? How do I go there? G: Submit entirely to the Heart of Being which is located there - in the right side of the chest. It will take you to Nirvakalpa Samadhi and the transcending of the ego self. S: I will try to stick to that. G: If the last great fear of ego death rises, just ignore it and have faith. Go forward in total trust. This one has been there and is here and you also can and will transcend. S: Again, what is submitting.... is it to keep quiet?

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G: Just enter in with total love and devotion. Submit to that which is the Source or the Heart of the Universe and Beyond the Universe. Submitting is total release of any control. Leave it in the hands of Source or God or Heart of Being. It is grace at that point. When you totally let go, Grace will move you forward. In attempting to move, you put distance between; let the distance go. There is Bliss rising within and you will do well, just have confidence in That Source. S: Do you transmit samadhi (I know it is a stupid question)? Your students had any samadhi experience in the retreats? G: If you can rest within the Guru and let go then the Samadhi may arise. Yes, others are drawn into samadhi if they are relaxed enough. Others have been drawn into the silence by the reading of the writings posted. It all depends on their attention, on their relaxed awareness. When there is no resistance then it moves forward easily. S: Still, the whole process needs a living guru's grace? Do you think sticking to self-enquiry is sufficient? G: You have this already, and, within you is the Ultimate Guru - the Source from which all stems and returns. It is ever near. Is there anything other than the Source? It has in truth Always Been Ever the Same, non-moving, Eternally Holy and Pure. S: No other pranayamas needed? I do feel peace by merely remembering Ramana. G: The outward Guru is only a sense of form, a reference point, pointing ultimately to what is within the Heart of your own Being. Whether Ramana or this one, whether your own Heart of Being, it matters not. Only that you have that reference point of Silence and of Peace. Whichever moves you, enter at this point completely and Totally. S: The thought of 'I' itself banishes most of the thoughts, peace is felt, is that it?

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G: Good..... Good..... just continue on... until even the I leaves..... just continue on..... When That Pregnant Void is entered, the I will release and from there just Experience will unfold.... unhindered... no longer gravitated to or held.... it will emerge from the Silence and Void and will return therein...... and there will be just moving within the Transient while ever tethered within the Constant. Do not second guess nor evaluate, just enter into the I until it implodes into the Pregnant Void of Being. Then do not take back mind nor thought; if it rises, let it be as the clouds that drift across the open sky - seen but not held. S: I guess a one hour sitting is not enough. Probably, I need to allow more time, let the Silence deepen itself? G: It should be ongoing throughout the day. It is not a practice of hourly duration. It is life itself. That is the difference. Otherwise, it will be only a singular experience. Let it be the awareness, the Life itself. S: That seems so remote, with a 2-year-old baby. G: To reach realization it is an ending of the temporal experience and the Constant is entered into fully, and then the transient is moved into within Balance.... at the 0 point. Is breathing remote? If it is your total focus it will unfold naturally. It will no longer be a practice but will become Life as it IS. Do not separate spirituality from life, it is Life. S: Well, by your grace may I achieve THAT!! G: You are doing well, just continue to move forward.... not resisting any, just allowing it to be. Have no doubts nor fears, just faith and trust and Love. Go within to the Heart of Bliss, the heart of Self. S: I will remember that, hope it helps. G: This has been a most fruitful satsang. You will move forward.

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S: I cannot thank you enough, this means so much to me. G: You are most welcome to contact me at any time, as this one is simply your own heart within. S: You are the only person to whom I have spoken these things. G: And i am not.... but simply your own heart within.... S: Thank you. G: Never forget that Source is ever present within the Heart and go within. S: Yes, got that. G: Now, go forward within the Sadhana called Life.

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Self Enquiry

Self Enquiry in the Kundalini Process G: Self enquiry is a great help within the kundalini experience... the whole kundalini happening is to get you to break free of all the past conditionings and mind sets... it is to get you to break through the illusions of truth... if you can get there by Self Enquiry it will blow out the illusions in an instant... and thereby end the kundalini process that is so difficult to pass through...

Cleaning the Window S: You bring up some interesting issues, for example the issue of self esteem vs. ego. A high self-esteem can exist with little ego, but also a low self-esteem can exist with overriding ego. It would appear that there are some strange dynamics going on with that – but one really needs to define ego – at this time i really cannot dwell on or think about this. G: Ego is simply taking yourself to be a limited form that is going to die and that believes all the "press" that has been pushed down your throat about who you are and what you are.... it is in believing that you are your name, and your job, and your emotions, and all the happenings which color your thinking.... it is seeing only the small limited picture which you feel you must control.... ego is that which feels it must control... that it is separate from the rest of creation... it is that which takes relative happenings to be the true reality of life.... it is that which holds onto pain and despair and self defeating efforts.... that is the ego self of which i am speaking.... S: I am not sure what really works to release something from the mind; that is, for the higher self to let go of an issue and to move on. I believe that the answer to this is not always the !174

same for everyone, what works from one cultural filter may not work from another. G: And just what culture filter are you in.... i am born in the west and live in the east.... people are people – the same feelings, the same mindset at the base... as long as you are holding onto a negative experience and playing it over and over in the mind, of what value is it? It only creates more pain – a cyclone that feeds on itself.... When there are no thoughts circling, where does the pain remain? This does not mean that you turn into a robot... absolutely not.... instead of seeing the world through this skewed filter of pain and despair, you are able to be within an absolute connection to the whole of creation... without the limiting ideations of pain, etc..... S: What seems to be universal about a religion is somehow convincing oneself of the absoluteness of that point of view – then one can release all to that POV given the construct and framework of that religion. G: That is not necessarily true... the basics of all religions are the same.... it does not matter the outer form... you need not "convince" yourself... if you must "convince" yourself then you are still in doubt somewhere.... if you come to release all of the pre-conceived notions that are held and go into the heart of the Essence of Life... you will find that everything you held to be true drops.... when you can go beyond the mind and thought ideations.... and can face the impending death of ego... when you can go into that fear absolutely and pierce that last illusion... the last veil.... then what you find is the Absolute from which ALL LIFE and Religion spring.... it has nothing to do with form and dogma and outer ritual, etc.... it is the Substance of Truth beyond any ideology.... and it is not something that you must convince yourself of.... It is more concrete than anything within the transient world.... it has no form... but it IS.... and there is NO way you can deny that it is..... ALL the rest just shatters.... Within that space, that place which is Ever-present, an absolute freeing occurs..... There are !175

no limitations... it is ABOLUTELY PREGNANT LIFE ENERGY.... FORMLESS.... SELF EFFULGENT... BLISS.... you cannot take it for anything other than what it IS..... simply it is THAT from which all of creation springs.... that ETERNAL UN-CHANGING TRUTH....... S: Thus a total belief in goddess allows one to be released, when the goddess bestows her blessing. G: If you can surrender absolutely to goddess, then yes.... you can be released completely... but this requires that you be willing to let go of the mental modifications that you are hanging onto.... if you release ALL to goddess then what remains for you to control? What worry is there that can assail you.... when there is no resistance then there is no pain.... in not accepting what is, the pain arises.... S: In order to obtain the release, one must somehow be indoctrinated into believing something – I am not sure what I really believe anymore – and there are many perspectives that have been adopted. G: What must you believe in? Do you believe that you exist? Do you believe that you are? Start there... self introspection does not require any belief.... it simply starts with I AM.... from there, you look at what is transient and disregard... the transient cannot be the Unchanging Constant.... when you have gone totally into the heart of self you will dis-cover SELF.... the SELF minus the limiting, defeating ideations of limitation and pain.... this practice does not require that you have any belief system in any god or goddess... it simply starts with the limited self and ends with the awareness of the eternal unlimited Self beyond all the pre-conceived mental modifications.... it is a path of jnana or knowledge.... internal knowledge.... it is exactly this practice that freed me from ALL of the pain... and it took me to the Heart of Bliss... and the Truth at the heart of the universe was entered.... it did not

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"create" any outward dogma or ideation.... it frees you from them..... S: Why do religions say non-attachment is the ideal and independent pagans say - 'shit attachment can be good'. G: Because if you do not desire anything... if there is nothing that you try to grasp, then whatever comes or goes does not hinder... and everything goes in the maya realm... the only constant here is that things are ever in flux and changing... so the only thing is to go with the flow... if you attempt to hold onto anything you will be defeated in that it is simply impossible... if you hold onto nothing and if you are not attached to anything then what is it that can defeat you? Simply you are moving with the flow of the universe.... what comes, comes, and what goes, goes..... you enjoy what is at hand, that is all.... and when it ends, ok, so what new adventure....perhaps their meaning in 'shit attachment can be good' is that if you are accepting completely of the so-called negative and dirty and foul then once again there is nothing that would seem un-pleasant... this is the way of the aghoras, what is clean is deemed dirty... and what is dirty is deemed clean... that practice is simply to break the conditionings of mind.... once the one is accepted then you move through the experience unattached to the outcomes or the happenings... S: It would seem that once spiritual thought is codified and formed into any thing 'religious' and is organized, the purpose shifts into being a method of control (if that makes any sense). G: Absolutely.... man has taken spiritual life and truth and added dogma and shoulds and shouldn'ts to control the population... instead of it being uplifting and freeing, it becomes another form of bondage... do not throw away the truth because of man’s attempt to control by twisting and adding his take... go instead to the heart of truth.... dis-cover THAT which is freeing, not binding.... it is not the outward

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ritualization that is important – it is what the ritual is intended to point to.... S: This goes along with Lao Tzu's line that, "72. When they lose their sense of awe, people turn to religion. When they no longer trust themselves, they begin to depend upon authority..." G: On the path of Self Enquiry, you depend on no one but yourself.... there are no ideations to follow... no outer rituals to perform... it simply requires that you go into the silence and dis-cover the truth of who and what you are and are not.... if you want to love yourself then find out what you are.... people that advocate loving themselves think that it means feeding your ego at any cost.... that is not loving yourself that is destroying and covering the Self.... go into the silence within and you will be amazed at what comes forth..... if you reach within to the heart of Bliss you will find absolutely that Peace and Balance.... it is not lost... it is ever near... we just need to clean the window....

Moving Forward with Self-Enquiry and the practice of Neti-Neti The Present Moment: Self-Enquiry and Neti Neti S: Thanks a lot for the clarifications and the motivational words that has helped me to look forward with a clear mind. And thanks to Divine Mother, who has guided me to you and without my knowledge has always shown me the best thing to do, due to which alone my Kundalini experience has been pleasant so far. G: It is that you trust the internal guide that you have so far progressed at such a rapid rate, bringing in this life many lifetimes of experience, it has come to you most naturally. There is but a short way left for you to traverse, and, this will !178

be accomplished in quick order. Your progression has been steady and you have avoided the traps and temptations that come. Now, onward to the final steps. So, if you can at this moment begin with Self Enquiry, you can move the kundalini experience forward rapidly. S: Yes, I would very much like to start the Self Enquiry. After the shaktipat and getting several experiences, I got the inner feeling that I should do introspective meditation and destroy ego. G: The inner Sat Guru is well aware of this need to destroy the vestige of delusion by self-ego concept, you were right in heading towards this direction. S: The teachers did not recommend this practice yet. This started a week ago. G: They themselves are still caught within the trap and ego identification with body or else they would be moving forward the kundalini experience to completion. Any time you are still caught in the body ideation and dynamic it will hinder the forward movement to completion; no matter how much "knowledge" is collected, and experiences gained, it is still simply in the area of relative world and thought. Only in once again the stillness of quiet mind – when thoughts and concepts have settled – can you go beyond mind into that which brings all of creation into Being. S: Now I am watching the thoughts to find out how and where self-importance, ambition, possessiveness, etc. are arising in the mind and convince the mind that: 1. the mind is not "me;" 2. the body is not "me;" 3. instead of thinking "my mind" "my body," training the mind to think "the mind" "the body;"

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4. affirming that what has been addressed by the mind as "me," "mine," "I" is not the real self, but an illusionary entity which is Created only by imagination and the real self is beyond the understanding ability of normal conscious mind. These introspective exercises have helped the mind and body to overcome a lot of other mental weaknesses like attachments, anger, sense-organ requirements, etc. to a very great extent. G: While you are on the right track the method you are using is a bit skewed and off center. There is no need to "convince" the mind, there is to see beyond the mind. You are never the thoughts – nor emotions – nor body. Yes, the mind begins to create the conditionings and erroneous illusions of truth or belief systems from birth, the should and should-not’s, the rights and wrongs, etc. etc. The way through is to go back through them into the Core of Being. There will be an explanation of how to in a moment. S: While speaking to others or while writing mails and the like, it can't be said "this mind does not know," etc. So at that time, the thought chains return back to the usual way. After that the introspection process has to be started again. G: What is hanging you up is the confusion of relative knowledge – with Knowing. Knowing has nothing to do with relative knowledge. Relative knowledge is the experience of mind within and through the conditionings, which in the first place are created and held in place by mind. This is why the Core of Being or Source or Self or the Formless Constant or Brahman is only KNOWN when mind is utterly still. Otherwise, you are simply just creating another experience of mind generated conceptualizations. When you go backwards you cut the knots asunder until all that remains is simply That Which Is or Source etc. This is why this practice is so effective versus other methods which attempt to take you there by intellectual pursuit. Intellectual pursuit is always from the dual, any concept just brings a modified view of !180

duality. Therefore, it cannot be found or sustained in the end except by direct experience which takes going into the silence and utterly surrendering the ego self upon the altar of Truth. When you are not then simply That will remain and be seen as it has always been, and you will then rest within the Constant rather than being tossed by the transient. At that point, reentering the transient you are ever free of the bondages of mind and body etc. S: This practice is unguided. It would be very much helpful if you could guide on exactly how to derive maximum benefit by giving direction to the practice. G: Am most willing on this account. First, you begin by staying in the moment. The past is gone as it is and the future what-ifs always remain in the future. There is simply Always Only Now. Awareness, no matter what the illusion of mind, can only be in this present moment. Therefore, when past is rising, stop and come back to now. When, what-ifs arise, come back to This Moment. This is a first step. Next, Look at what is transient – what comes and goes as it cannot be the ever-present Constant of Source. So, look at the body and the mind and the emotions. Just see how they rise from nothingness and go once again back into the nothingness. See how they gain life by holding onto the emotions of the event. When we dance with the emotions they become concrete in nature and we then falsely assume that that is who we are. Question where does this I arise from? Where does this thought arise from? Where does it return to? What gives it life? And see the illusive nature therein. Keep watching and follow them back to the Source. See the emotions stem from a conditioned response. Follow it back. Do not chase after it allowing the mind to go off on a tangent. See it as it is, the content is not as important as seeing how they arise and where they go to and to see what is this I that appears to have this thought. What is mind but a collection of

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held thoughts. Since they are not concrete but fluid, where is this nature of mind in the end? In this way, you will break through the knots of self-held individualized ego structure until you come to the wall of surrender. At that point have no fear, just have devotion and faith, that the Sat Guru IS and let go. The Sat Guru within will pull you into the Reality beyond mind and divisionary experience into the 0 even beyond the I of I AM. In That Constant is the Truth that you have sought. You are ready. Simply have complete faith and devotion to the Sat Guru which is the Core of your Being. S: Thank you very much for elucidating the method. After reading your reply, it became clear that there was a dilemma between the real knowledge and the mind's perception. G: It is that Brahman or Self is never known by the practices of mind. Self is known only by neti neti (not this not this) by going backwards, stripping the layers away, until you reach to the core. When the mind is in motion, creation is. When the mind is absolutely still, Source IS. This is a practice to slow the mind and strip away the false creation of ego identification with mind and body and emotion. When the falsehood of delusion is seen as illusion, then the door is walked through to liberation. Still the mind and stay in the Now. S: I shall from this moment start the practices that you have prescribed, namely: - Bringing awareness to the present moment, - Tracing thoughts back to its origin. I presume the first one is to be done during state of normal life and the latter during meditation. Kindly correct me if I am wrong. G: You will find that as you stay in the present moment, short circuiting the past and future mentalities of the mind will begin to slow and as you witness the thoughts you will see !182

that they come from nothing and return to nothing and that we only give them meaning and life as we cling to their concepts. If you come to rest in the now - you will find that it is an ongoing meditation with no thought arising - just simply Being. You are One with what is seen and it is a natural meditation. When you can see purely without judging nor categorizing nor creating mental chatter of any sort - then you will find that the natural state of Being is simply ongoing meditation. It no longer becomes a practice, it simply is. If thoughts arise they are simply passing clouds in an empty sky. Be the empty sky. The sky contains ALL but holds Nothing. This practice will bypass the outer phenomenon that kundalini takes you through, simply to see through the illusion of Maya. When you see through the illusion of Maya and ego self then you can still desire. It will die out on its own when you are totally surrendered in This Eternal Moment, Ever still within - while watching the unfolding without. Then you shall Know Liberation. S: Shall let you know of the progress. Meanwhile, also shall await further instructions. Thanks once again. G: Will send you a couple of writings from the site. If you visit the site, start with the beginning messages and read to the end. Now, if it may be asked, where are you living? Satsangs are now starting to come together.

*** S: I've practiced both the exercises that you have told. This is how I did each of them. It would be helpful if you kindly go through them and tell whether the things are done right. G: It is well that you have written and that you keep me informed of the process that it may be monitored effectively. S: Staying in the moment: The practice revealed a lot of things and was found to have a lot of benefits. The first thing noticed is that though we free-handedly say past, present and future !183

the middle one is just a moment wide and the other two are decades long. G: When settled, the past and future will fade away into long forgotten concepts and only the Now will remain. S: Second benefit being derived is the unnecessary wasteful thought and wanderings are being eliminated. Immersed in a thought, suddenly the realization comes that focus is not at the present moment. The mind suddenly regains its sense about the surroundings and resumes the work in hand. G: Good, the more you can short circuit the musings and the past reflections and the future what ifs, the quicker the process will begin to unfold and the life at hand will become richer in its intensity. Savor each thing as if it is the only moment or happening in the universe until you come to pure experience minus the categorizing and judging of it. It is not good nor negative, it simply is. S: The mind is getting a lot more focused now, while in contemplation. But still, this practice is far away from perfection. Have to practice a lot before competence is reached. G: As with anything, the more it is a continual sadhana the better the results, and, the quicker you move forward into completion. S: Tracing the thoughts backward: This was a really new experience. At the time of sitting to watch a thought, however, none comes so easily. G: Good, if you can move into the Silence that is wonderful. Eventually, you will rest there with relative mind receding and there will be no longer any extraneous thoughts, and then, when experience comes with no thought to interfere, you become one with what is viewed. There is no longer any concept of separation, nor judging, nor categorizing. It

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becomes pure undiluted experience beyond mind’s colorations. S: When anything appears, that one is caught hold of and traced backward. How it was done was by asking: "What is your source" "Where did you come from." Then it leads to another thought, many a times events were traced to childhood incidents. Finally, a rule would be reached that seemed to be imprinted in the backyards of the mind. Some of them were like: If something happens as expected then be happy, else be sad or angry. I should always perform better than anyone. Everybody should always think high of me, etc. These rules were the maximum I could reach out. They had no backing. They were sitting like "self-evident" rules as if they have to be taken for granted. I do not understand whether this is the conditioned response that you were talking about. G: These create and sustain your conditioned responses. These in themselves create the persona that you believe to be you. You are not in fact any of these thoughts nor the ideations and concepts that they have created in your mind - that you have taken to be you. It is enough to see these and understand that they create and sustain the concept that you hold to be you. Continue on in this. S: Also, kindly explain whether these need to be traced still backward or just rubbed off and if so, how to do that. G: It is enough to see and know that they are what you have taken yourself to be, colored by your interaction on perception of these concepts and views. Now, when you trace them back as far as possible, just keep watching. Watch for where they rise from and where they go to. What gives them life and meaning? See where this leads to. This is an important one. Just continue on as you are doing well, and look at this just what is this "I" that is having these thoughts. S: Shall await your further guidance about this and also the extracts from the site. My access to the site is limited since !185

I am having net access from office and the site is screened at office hours. But I managed to get a few pages. G: You are moving forward quite well. Within this process you will come to discover what you are and are not, mostly neti neti or not this-not this. Keep up this process until what you are not appears. When you have stripped away all of the false identifications that you have accepted that were "you," eventually you will come to what is left or the Core of Being, within Self-Realization. There is much more to see and when the time is right it will take giving up all concepts held and total surrender. But, that time is not yet. It must be done within the right timing. For now, continue on and keep in touch.

Stay Centered to Progress G: i feel for where you are at this moment..... i also traversed that same pain.... it is my sincere prayer that you move through this part rapidly..... the best advice that i may give is to do self-enquiry if you are not doing now..... that is what moved me through the process.... and also staying in the moment... look at what is happening right now.... not at the mental fabrications.... see them as the illusions of truth that they are.... all of this is meant to take you to the point of discovering concretely through one way or another... THAT... you are NOT the physical body.... nor the Emotions.... nor the Thoughts.... anything that is transient is NOT the core of your BEING.... at the core is LIFE – Eternal – beyond good and evil and all the perceptions that we have held about who we think we are and what we believe God is.... If you can go into these feelings and limitations fully and not fear them they can be your greatest release into wholeness..... if you enter into them you will find out in the end that they have only the power that you yourself allow..... when we grab onto the ideation of whatever is happening.... we give it emotion.... and !186

the emotion makes it appear to be concrete.... it empowers the negatives.... but in the end you will find that the negatives are not negatives at all but simply the unfolding process of the transient realm.... give none of this that is rising any more energy..... just see it and move into it until it dissipates..... none of this can hold you when you see through its illusory nature..... we sustain its seeming reality by our own focus on fighting through these patterns.... try seeing the patterns as a play of cleansing the old ideations.... it brings to the surface all that has been held.... all the fears and the mis-givings to be seen and recognized as illusions of truth that we have held at some point in time..... NOW go to center......You will make it through..... and will find in the end that the only thing we needed liberation from is simply our self..... and then you will awaken to enjoy whatever comes within life.......

Self Enquiry Completes the Kundalini Journey S: Here is a question I will post at the site if you'd be so kind as to answer it in a post. This could provide interesting info to posters and visitors and help to encourage some of them to try your satsang. Here is the question: Did the Self Enquiry eventually smooth out and complete your Kundalini process? G: YES!!!!! Without this very very important avenue, this one would surely still be within the throes of the kundalini Experience, for all experiences within kundalini stem from the mind and consciousness to bring you to the point of seeing the illusion of ego self and maya. It is the long route to go through the siddhis until you find out that they do not bring wisdom nor peace, simply subtle experience, experience within the subtle planes. But all the subtle planes still lie within the realm of mind. Within the Self Enquiry process, the ego self is peeled away. You see and come to Know, not as an intellectual concept - (which may be grand !187

for a moment but does not bring lasting change), that you are Not the mind, nor body, nor emotions etc. When you break through that into direct knowing, the conditionings that have kept you bound will just dissipate immediately. But, there is still a ways to go. From there, you go beyond body consciousness and into utter surrender and finally to the door of the great unknown and unknowable, and, in crossing that last barrier within the shattering of the ego ideation - the last vestiges of concepts etc. implode and the kundalini ends. You reach to the Heart of Being, and, when the kundalini reaches into the heart after traversing up to the 7th Chakra then the journey is complete. Consciousness has reached beyond mind and conditionings to pure Awareness or Source or the Heart of Being. From then you will once again come back into body awareness. But, from that moment on, the conditionings do not return, resting ever within the Stability of the Constant the transient realms of maya are traversed as the great miracle of the non-dual. Life from that point is lived as a Jivan Mukti or One that is Liberated while in Life. For confirmation of what is being said here, you may want to read what Sri Ramana Maharshi has said on this very subject. You will find that it tallies with this writing.

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Kundalini Journey

The following is an online satsang dialogue with Guru SwamiG and a seeker. This correspondence happened over the course of one week. Shifts of Consciousness Settling Into Realization S: The functioning is so difficult I can barely write this letter. There was always kundalini symptoms since childhood, yet several months ago a complete transformation took place which however has now become difficult. The transformation was beyond words and especially beyond time. That lengthy two-month period was timeless and almost experience-less, although hundreds of experiences took place in that time of previous lives, shakti, self-realization, devising worlds and being very near to final dissolution into the absolute. I don’t wish to dwell on all this only to explain some background. The main themes of this period were: a) Intense kundalini rising up the spine eventually to strike the base of the brain like a hammer. b) Downward flowing white light entering and opening the crown chakra and merging with the red energy in the brain. c) This gave way to the non-experience or non-state, realizing there was nothing to realize and that the self was already free and enlightened, so was everything else. There is no I. In this time since gradually it has become more and more difficult to function and I feel burnt out, continually confused, mentally and emotionally very unstable with intense mood shifts. I have been to see John de Ruiter (an integrated, functioning, enlightened being) who reflected back to me my silence, wholeness and freedom. I realized I could now only surrender to the absolute as from being one can do no more. I have been told that it takes time for the functioning to !189

integrate into the being-ness. But there is this strange reversal that appears to take place especially if I am around people, which I am a lot of the time as I am married with a small child. When completely alone for extended periods of time (like days) the clarity appears to return and the chakras open and I realize I am free. But most of the time there is just intense physical, mental and emotional agony. Outer life is painfully restricted also, it’s like nothing will work at all - out there - I feel I would love to renounce life and live in the mountains, yet I have responsibilities and more so want to be in the world as a pure presence. My plea is for some help as only those who have been through this experience can help. I wonder if the mental, physical and emotional functioning will ever just be free flowing, and ask for some help at this constantly agonizing and torturous time. G: First of all, forget the chakras as this is causing once again body awareness and the surging back into form and thought. You also might be still sensitive to others’ pain and mindstuff, that could be a possibility. When that comes, give it no attention and to just close your eyes and watch the breath for a moment and let it go. Just go into the silence and let it drop. Yes, sometimes it takes a bit to settle into the realization, that is true. The thing is not to attempt to cling to any of it. The devas and other things were subtle realms and once again the stuff of mind and dreams. So, if you stay within the silence beyond mind and thought those should not come up again. Is any of this registering with you? S: Yes, I feel a lot of it is now about just talking to those who understand. Not a lot more is needed. G: You will stabilize. It just takes some time, and do not attempt to intellectualize the experience. Just remain in the moment. Indeed, it appears that you went through the experience of being blown out. Now, just don't take back the mind and body. It takes a while to come to the world being !190

empty in nature and therefore non-dual, but it will come. For now, you are probably going back and forth. Does this make sense? S: Yes. G: Just rest within the Heart and it will sort out. If you need to speak with me feel free at any time. S: I know and trust this Ganga. G: It will settle. Just do not attempt to push anything. Just surrender to it totally, that is all. But I know that it can be difficult in the beginning as there is a total reality shift. S: Absolutely. G: Sometimes the body consciousness goes, but it will settle. S: Words are dissolving now. G: YES. That happens. Ah... there is a post that may help – “why the silence - why not mind.” S: You know Ganga I feel very happy just knowing your divine support is there. Not much else is needed but this. G: Source is only KNOWN beyond words. Words bring concepts and duality and so it is difficult in the beginning. S: What is already happening, Goddess is sorting out the whole life and I am surrounded by blessings. G: When you are beyond words into what IS, words tend to throw you in the beginning back and forth, from seeming duality to the non-dual. But you will come to see the inherent emptiness in all of creation and then will settle into it just fine. S: That’s absolutely true. Then one sees words as inherently empty too. This is beginning. G: Yes when it is as if you are walking through a dream then it is difficult to maintain a balance is the feeling. But it settles !191

into a great Peace. Yes, it is all emptiness in the end. When you can come to this point it will indeed settle. S: Yes nothing I can do now, or of course not do. G: What remains to be done? hahahahah... just to once again live life, every moment as it is and do not let any of the transient move you from the state of Constancy. Now is to simply be aware of the unfolding divine play called existence. S: Sometimes it does move Ganga and there is not a lot one can do but be very patient? G: Yes and not to gravitate to any of the happenings. Just see it unfold but give it no energy. It will settle. S: Thanks very much darling. G: There is no need to work with kundalini now in any way, just remain centered in the heart. That is all. By all means you are totally welcome. S: It seems to be enough just to connect with you. G: Keep in touch and let me know how you are settling in. S: Maybe I can e-mail as anything arises. G: Yes, of course, email anytime. Yes, sometimes just connecting can indeed balance it out. S: Maybe I'll let you do your other “duties” and thanks very much Ganga. G: How long have you been on the site? hahahhaahah... there are NO duties, just moving as the universe unfolds. S: I was recommended to your site by my great friend. G: No attachment...... S: Yes. G: Well, am most happy that you wrote. It was indeed lovely to be able to share your experience. For now do not speak of !192

your experience too much, just give it time to settle in. That will help. S: My teacher was Papaji. G: Oh.... very interesting just spent the morning with hearing about his life from someone that knew him well and met John David who was also Papa-ji's student. He is traveling with some people and giving satsang. So that is an interesting connection. S: Do you know of Shanti Mayi? G: Yes, but have not met her. In fact, was at the ashram that she uses when she is here in Rishikesh. S: Yes she was also a teacher. Where are you in Rishikesh? G: In RamJhulla. She is in Laxman Jhula the other end. S: Is that the further bridge? G: Yes, I stay at the green hotel as I have no ashram. S: Give my love to all the monkeys. G: Hahhahahahah... yes, the little rascals. S: How long are you in India? G: So you have been before to Rishikesh? I have been now a little over 2 years, with jaunts back to the US on occasion. S: Yes, I stayed in Rishi for about 4/5 weeks. G: Will be heading to the South of India this winter. Did you go to see Shanti Mayi? S: Yes, Shanti Mayi was also my teacher. G: Well perhaps we may connect. Who knows what the universe will bring. S: I hope so. G: Ah.... do not know a lot about her teaching or method but know that she has a large following. This one is much lower !193

key. Very few here in Rishikesh have any idea that i teach whatever. It is not advertised, no public satsangs etc.. S: When I met Shanti Mayi there was not a big followingShanti-Mayi “gave me sammadhi.” I have tried to connect with her to no avail. G: If you are ever headed this way again, perhaps we may meet. S: Perhaps. G: And were you pulled into samadhi by being in her presence? S: The day after I realized I was eternal and uncaused. This went but of course not the perfume. G: Well that is very good. Was there direct experience of that. Ah yes that happens sometimes... a small taste. So it is good that you have now had the direct experience of THAT... of Being and Non-Being, beyond personality and form. S: Yet still there is something more. G: Good now do not take back mind and concept. S: You understand, something I cannot do or have any control of. G: Yes, this is the time of absolute and total surrender. Yes, this one understands. S: To finally, completely, the functioning integrated, the absolute. G: Yes, there is nothing to do, just surrender and let it unfold. S: Ok, I surrender. G: Do not attempt to move in any direction. It IS as it IS. Now just let life come and the integration will happen. Do not push life away. Just let it be. You do not cling to it nor push it away. Just see it as it is. !194

S: I know Ganga that it’s all beyond the words, I know just this connection is helping, more grace downward flowing. This downward flowing grace helps. *** G: How is today? S: Yes, the functioning is getting better, it seems to need a very harmonic balance with the whole life moves through me and harmonizes appropriately. G: Good, sounds like you are beginning to settle. When you rest within the underlying silence it is always simpler. S: Yes, slowly, at times I have had to take a sword to the wholeness, so things can now be clear without untidiness and non-clarity. Words still throw me about a bit. G: Hmmmmm what remains to have un-clarity? This is simply residual mind stuff, which is in itself empty. S: Yes, why is this? G: Perhaps there is a residual attempting to seek mind? To see if indeed this state is "REAL" hahahaha… S: It’s like all concepts are being destroyed so there is no leg to stand on. G: Yes. S: No inside outside I guess. G: Concepts are simply mind generated ideations, but have no inherent reality. It is always of the dream stuff. S: Ganga when I talk with you the downward flow begins again. G: Did you get and read the stuff from online, that this One had sent you? S: Which helps greatly, just sorting myself out once more.

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G: Well hopefully you view that as a good occurrence, hahahahha.... yes, some that have a connection with this One obtain different phenomena when connecting. S: Ok now but the downward flow helps the nerves and brain after the fire no? G: Some are drawn into silence, some the kundalini rises to the crown. With you it appears that a descending energy takes place. Ah.... only when the Kundalini rests within the heart is it completed. It goes from the crown chakra and then back over the front and down into the heart where is the completion. This is what is apparently taking place when you connect with this One. It is pulling you into a natural completion. S: Yes. G: So this is good to see. S: Yes, this is still to happen. G: People do not understand why it is good to have an external guru, but this is one reason why. S: Then love is the deepest expression for life. G: Yes. S: External guru is a must, really. G: Love that only comes when you are not. The Guru that has completed may indeed stabilize one that is in the process. S: I hope and feel so Ganga. G: As they are simply One. S: I am surrendered to you. G: Ahhhhhhh.... you are doing well, so just relax in it and it will unfold. Surrender to the Self within the Heart of Being. It is always there, for when you are not, Source or Self is all that

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remains, and, Source or Self is ALL of creation and beyond. So what better state can you be in. S: Yes, it is settling and I know regular contact with guru is wonderful way. G: Good. You said that there is a realized man there in the UK, how often do you have contact with this One and when you are around him do you also feel a stabilization? S: Not so much as he resides in Canada. Yes, there is stabilization upon this contact. G: Ah...... then you are more than welcome to continue to contact me at any time. S: I do have some wonderful folk around me, many of whom are deeply open spiritually to degrees. G: It is wonderful that they are open, but for them it is impossible to relate to your experience. S: I know. G: Good. Once again, you may contact this One at any time. S: That can be hard Ganga as this being-ness does not like to push AT ALL and people may want parts of you at times yes? G: GOOD. There should be no pushing or grasping, just going with the natural flow as it unfolds. They can try, but how can they grasp emptiness? hahahahaa..... they can only grasp what you make solid, what you give out in a transient nature. S: That’s what I meant by the initial settling difficulties, the ones I see now at least accept there has been some changes and they have learnt not to argue, which helps!! Haha… G: They may or may not recognize such but that does not change your realization. S: Words are the problem. Initially, I even went silent for 4 days but that of course got broke up.

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G: Many will argue to the death on these subjects for they "think" that they know because they have studied and memorized scripture etc… But, until the direct experience is entered into it is not known, it is simply known about, and that is a whole different realm. S: Words and talking are bit of a “danger zone.” G: Yes, understand there are no words that can explain it adequately. Words call forth concepts of which all fail. You can say emptiness but there are vast amounts of differing ideations concerning emptiness. This is why this One refers to it as the Pregnant Void. S: But my words seem loaded with energy and I have to watch more normal things I say and talk about. I feel it balances when good and bad, out and in finally settle. G: Ah... yes. This also is understood. The words do send forth energy which does indeed effect the whole of the dream plane called existence. But once again this is only the transient realm. So once again do not attach too much importance to it or you could once again take back ego and doer-ship. S: Yes, this idea appears sometimes – doer-ship. Then say as I talk to you, it dissolves and again it is choice-less Ganga. It’s something now about in and out something dissolving there. G: So for now, just continue to look at the fact that the self is simply conditionings and ideations that have been held to be thought of as the you and in the end they had only to do with the physical form of which you are not. S: Yes. G: You are that ever abiding awareness that is ever empty in nature, OM…... S: Thank you Ganga. I love you and thank you. G: You are ever the Sat*Chit*Anand – Truth (existence/nonexistence), Conscious Awareness, Bliss. !198

*** G: And so how are you today? Not that there is a you. S: It’s like this, there is a subtle block of energy that comes and goes, a cloud of I that hangs like a fog without a home. G: Comes and goes from where? In the emptiness just let it go. S: I wonder if its physiological. It stays as a cloud, I suppose one could say it was an impulse. G: Hmmmmmm..... seems to be that perhaps mind is attempting to rise. But once again just do not enter into it, just give it no energy and it will dissipate on its own. S: Ganga, it seems to be kundalini related thing because it is always intelligent, it’s like protection or blocking to ensure appropriate routes. Does any of this make sense? G: Kundalini is simply consciousness also. Do not buy into any ideation about what it is or is not. S: Only it is painful or painfulness. G: What is it that you need to be protected from when ALL is Source? The only thing to be protected from is the wrong ideation of ego self. S: I know. But Ganga, I can’t do or not do anything. All constant practice I did and not did has stopped. There is the freedom but some last something, a greenhouse or last holding or something. I know surrender is the only way. G: Yes, the last hold of the ego. S: What is this Ganga? G: It is the last of the concepts, the cloud of knowing and unknowing and there is nothing to be known in the end. Only that Self is Eternal Awareness and unchanging. The ego self was simply concepts that surrounded body and experience,

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identification with the transient. But you are not that, you are the Eternal Awareness. S: Did you experience this cloud even after the blow out? G: No. When you close your eyes are you aware of this cloud? Where is your awareness then? S: The cloud concerns others that I know don’t exist as they are my own self. It’s like the substratum of self is there rising up to engulf the surface reality which appears as division. Funny enough, the merging and dissolving are more surface than the ocean. G: This is once again mind attempting to make the experience into intellectual understanding, and, it is beyond that. It will settle. Did you read “Why the silence and why not mind?” S: Yes, I read it all. G: And at this moment what are you aware of? S: Light and space. G: Is the light bright or is it different? S: Just a brightness, an illumination of each moment like all is self. Really, it’s all just beyond, if that makes sense. G: Some say that they see light but the Self while illuminates ALL within itself there is no property of a brightly seen light as that which is seen with the eyes. S: No. G: This is why this One asked. S: Just a feeling of light or not even a feeling. I would just say divinity, a holiness now about everything. G: Self is self-luminous. Yes, it is a knowledge of light, not a seen phenomena. S: No real good and bad.

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G: Self puts light and awareness on all else. Self lets you be aware or have cognition of all that is seen etc… it is what makes the ability to have mind etc. although it is not mind within itself. S: When I talk to you Ganga I realize it’s a matter of “time” now for the functioning to integrate in the being-ness. Talking with you helps. Also now life supports me totally on all levels, like one is always cared for and nurtured. G: Yes, these experiences rise. The thing is just to see it unfold but do not attempt to understand it or grasp it or else it will become an intellectual exercise and may throw you back into duality and mind play. Just continue to move from the Heart and rest within the Heart of Being where no center remains. S: These clouds, they paralyze the body and consciousness, then they clear and it’s still kundalini Ganga. Why will that not settle and allow? G: Ahhhhhh... bring your focus into the right side of the chest within the spiritual heart. S: Right. G: Let go of the kundalini ideation entirely as it only continues to bring you back to body consciousness. S: But the cloud and paralyses is very sticky. G: The chakras and the body in the end have little to do with the whole process in the end. Sticky in what way and when it happens exactly what takes place? And for how long a period? Do you know? Sorry the line is bad here in India... connect disconnect..... S: It could be a few days/hours or clear in a single moment. G: So exactly what happens from beginning to end.

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S: Like it begins when people engage me or are around me. Some disparity there, it’s like this cloud wants to hide or veil the freedom. G: Once again, it sounds as if the last hanger of mind stuff. S: So there is realization of self then various faculties function very clearly such as the ajna chakra and throat. One looks at one’s studies and it’s all profound. You know all this stuff – freedom, lightness, peace. Then an arrow of paralysis sets in, snake bite really, and it’s the opposite of the clarity. G: Once again you are in body awareness. This is what may be causing also some of the difficulty, because of kundalini you have always associated it with body and energy, but it is simply consciousness. S: Yet I know these are just states. G: Yes. This is once again mind attempting to come in. S: I am beyond all states Ganga but not separate from them. G: Hahahahha... just go within the silence. Just do not attempt to judge or second guess. The states may be witnessed, but do not take them to yourself. S: Yet I am also them Ganga. G: This is once again mind generated stuff that is hanging around. S: It seems one can’t function beyond a state yet one is always beyond states. This is where it’s “tricky.” G: You are trying too hard to understand and make sense of it all within intellect. S: Really? G: Why to worry about states etc... Just let life unfold and you be that which is pure awareness.

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S: Because of the pressure in the body which is “going wrong.” G: Yes in the beginning there is an attempt to integrate, but in this attempt you separate yourself from, once again on the fringe of duality. The body is simply energy and dream stuff held together by mind. Let it go. You are trying too hard. This is why you do not speak of the experience too soon. Just let it settle. S: Sorry? G: You are trying to move it..... hold it..... validate it... etc..... S: That’s true. G: This transient realm is simply held in place by mind and it is all simply energy, but behind the energy and mind is Source. Be aware of Source and let the rest take care of itself, and it will. S: Okay. I must relax more. G: Transient is moving consciousness. Source is unmoving Consciousness. S: Yes exactly. G: Rest within the Constant. Be the ocean and the waves will appear and disappear on their own. You need not "understand" nor attempt to control the waves, they move upon the ocean by the wind of mind but the ocean is not changed by the waves at all. It is always the Ocean or Source. Be the Ocean and not the wave. S: Okay. G: The wave is not separate from the ocean, it is in essence One and the same. S: Yes, that’s lovely Ganga, that’s it. G: Let the Ocean just continue to move the form, but you stay within the Ocean and do not concern about the wave. The !203

wave does not need to evaluate the ocean for its existence. It simply is. It comes and goes but the Ocean always remains the same. The waves or transient is a by-product of the Self. Do not focus on the by-product, just BE the Source. S: That’s it. That’s really beautiful and that’s it, I was trying. G: There is no need to try. In trying, you separate yourself from. Now there is but to rest and relax totally. S: Okay, I will follow this totally. G: What remains to be done? Nothing... what remains to be held? Nothing... What remains to be known? Nothing... what remains to be explained? Nothing... There is simply to rest within the reality of Source. S: Nothing much for me now then hahahaha. G: Let it settle for now. If need be, think of this One and then send a mail as to how you are in a few hours. But it will settle. Just don't attempt to hold or strive for it. It is already KNOWN and is all that exists. So just rest and relax totally....... no thought.... no mind.... simply Silence - Peace and Bliss... seeing without judgment or mental chatter, nondual... just Being.

*** S: The essence of our previous meeting is this. The energy has to integrate downwards into its final resting place, the heart. This appears to be from the crown down the front of the body into the heart as you mentioned. It is this which seems to be causing the confusion, this last settling down. Is this clear? G: First of all, forget about energy. Forget about integrating. Forget about attempting to understand. Just relax and BE. It will happen of its own accord. There is nothing that you can do for there is no you to do it. So, why to stress? Why to take back mind and doer-ship? The universe will handle it. If need be, rely on the internal Self or the Guru and just relax. Do not !204

search nor seek answers in this. It is simply for you to remain in the moment, in absolute Pure Awareness. Each moment is a birth and a death, each moment a new creation. Just let it Be and totally surrender into the moment of NOW, that is all. Nothing can disturb the Ocean in the end. The momentary waves appear and disappear. So, for now, just remain without judgment or evaluation in the emptiness of Being, that is all. *** G: Sounds that there is a quieting. S: Openness. G: Good. Empty awareness. S: Just deeper movements. G:Momentary happening without judgment or grasping. Wonderful, that is IT. Movements that dissolve into the Constant? Like a stick cutting water. S: Very deep sediments. G: What remains? S: Moving into understanding itself. G: When self is only concepts it is all emptiness, yes, but what is to understand? It simply IS. The unfolding of consciousness in the eternal play called NOW. Nothing stays - Nothing remains - Conscious Awareness IS. S: Consciousness is understanding, no? G: Understanding What? hahahha..... what is there to know except you are not and you are Eternal Empty Awareness. S: Being understanding is being knowing, which is not knowing, yes. G: Personality is a by-product of form, and form is a byproduct of mind and Being. Being is knowing that there is nothing to be known. The eternal mystery IS. Relativity is !205

ever in flux, in constant transient happening. Being is beyond that flux in the Stillness of Eternal Now. S: Okay, I am that. G: Within the moment beyond mind and relativity is Being and you are THAT. S: Beyond I am. G: Yes, good, for I Am there is witness, the dual. Without witness is That or THIS. S: And that’s it. G: Once again, there is nothing to be known, for knowing exists in relativity alone. There is simply Being. Hahahahha.... S: This consumes one eventually? G: When Nothing is the answer, What is the question? What is there to consume? Only ideations and concepts which are inherently empty. S: Yes, ancient patterns. G: Patterns once again are empty illusions of misidentifications. So, what remains? Like a stick cutting water, it can never be divided. S: You know Ganga I “know” this now nothing. You now must move (words abandoned) and attend to baby tara who has moved in hahaha… G: Hahahahah..... there is nothing that remains to be said. So, enjoy the moment. That is All. S: I've lost interest in the whole life seeing that it is inherently meaningless. G: Oh..... you will come back to joy. It happens in the beginning once in a while. S: It’s like there must be another direction.

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G: So what direction would you want to go? S: But what about work, I'm fed up of jyotish, don’t fancy anything else, would just like to be. G: There is but to live life and enjoy the unfolding moment. S: But practically, creatively. G: When there is freedom the creativity should soar, without limitations. S: Life here is the rat race and one is not separate from that. G: Did you start doing the Om? Or the Om Ganga Om? You are only as connected to it as you allow. S: Yes, but felt too tired and disillusioned but still I did. Basically, I just find the world stupid. G: In what way? Why is the world stupid? Perhaps, it is just the ignorance that you are seeing. Only when lights appear may the ignorance be dispelled. S: I just don’t see life as having any value. G: Ahhhhhh you Will. S: I'd rather just leave it alone, but family life and work demands some “positivity.” G: Then for the moment just stay within, where there is no within or without. Develop staying within the heart. S: Ok. G: When the world is seen as a dream state in the beginning it takes a while to adjust. That is all. S: Why this onset of heaviness? G: Are you still within the Bliss? S: No, definitely not. G: Ah..... then, that is the problem......... hahahahahha.... so, now this shows that there is some externalization going. !207

S: It seems ok when alone, I can settle into myself. G: So, do the OM, and also close the eyes and do I AM THAT I AM until there is a nice vibrational pattern happening. S: And find “choicelessness” but “others” appear to distract that because of conditioning. G: Well..... “choicelessness” is GREAT. Just go with the flow. Once again, it just takes time to settle into it. With the eyes open do OM THAT I Am. That may also help. S: I trust this. Ok. G: Just do these for a while, it should help to stabilize so that the thoughts do not arise to cause confusion and to help against the visual confusion of the seeming dual. S: Yes, that is helping. This separation is the pain. G: Yes, but there is NO Separation. That is once again an illusion of mind that attempts to pop back in. Soon you will see the emptiness of the maya realm and the Source within the foundation of ALL, and it will settle. Are you still there? or did you go into the Pregnant Void? Hahahahhaha… S: Peace and joy. G: GREAT!!!!! Now STAY THERE. Hahahahahhaa… S: How? G: By not attempting to..... hahahahahaha… S: If confusion comes I will follow above Om That I Am. G: Good. You will transcend, there is nowhere to go and nothing to Do but to Be and not strive. Just relax into it. See you should be here, 3 conversations at once plus answering an email. Hahahahahaha may have to grow more arms and hands. Hahahahahhaha… S: I know, your presence will help, I surrender to you, and yes maybe you will become like durga with many many arms. !208

G: Hahahahahah.... that would certainly cause a stir. S: Why? G: Well, walking around in maya with many arms and hands, one might wish to throw this One in a side show… hahahahahhaha… S: True. G: Well, some Hindus may find it amusing but other than that... hahahahahahhaa… S: You have thrown me into joy, what can I now say? G: Hahahahahahah....... then there is nothing to be said but simply to Be and remain, without striving. It is your natural state. S: I am sure kundalini will return, yet we can deal with it then heh? G: Do not even give it a thought, it is also simply a moving conscious energy. When it comes within the Heart it will rest and you will remain in Bliss. S: Just being practical....hahaha… G: Be practical and rest in the Now..... hahahahahahha and have no stress or ideation.... just remain in This Stillness. S: If only I could do anything Ganga, yet I will attempt to rest without resting as you say. G: If the need arises to do, do the mantra or the I AM THAT I AM with closed eyes or OM THAT I AM with open eyes..... hahahahahhaha… S: It can only happen now...nothing.. yes ok will do that. G: Yes..... what is there to happen? S: Nothing, total death.

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G: One moment eternally the Same yet eternally unfolding, Non-Dual. The Constant holds the transient and you are THAT, TOTAL LIFE. S: But, total death? G: Death only of the ego identification, the concepts and conditionings that have been called p***. The Source or Pregnant Void remains unchanged and you are THAT. S: Yes this happens yes and clouds? Disappear? G: Yes, but no mind, no concepts, just BE in the expanse and Bliss. S: Ok, I just know that all the clouds eventually disappear and only truth remains. G: The clouds are without substance, the stuff of dreams. The Truth is ever Constant. S: But do you have clouds, surely nothing comes? G: Hahahahahhahahah..... clouds are simply movements across the sky, seen but not held. Within this, One is for the most part Silence. When a thought may arise and go across the screen of mind it is not even seen, none are gravitated to. Hahahahaha..... it is empty. S: And that deepening, the constant. G: The Constant is Always the same, not deeper not less. Just your perception of it, what you allow in, what you do not close out. Hahahahahaha...... When you are totally open, only the Constant is addressed even though the transient is lived in.

*** G: How is your universe today? S: Yes, it seems fine, allowing the deep heaving to move through.

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G: Yes.... just go with the flow. S: It is slowly settling and the “concentration” is getting easier. Just rely on your grace to see me through. G: That and your Om or I AM THAT I Am.... or OM THAT I AM..... hahahahaha… S: It is pressure basically that is moving through and one can easily start “holding” there still is pressure, ah yes very hard to “do” anything and I can’t not do. G: Just let it go, if need be go lie down on the ground. S: So there is something breaking there, no ground to stand on so to speak. G: Then just watch the emptiness of the sky. S: Or strategy or agenda. G: It will give you a sort of grounding but in emptiness. Let any excess just flow out. S: Yes a breaking through, beyond, whatever the I complex is persistent, no. G: Yes, the ideations and concepts of ego self do not want to let go, but they will all at once. There will come a big shift. S: Aahh... the pressure also is highly intelligent, deepening. G: Well it is simply a moving consciousness, that is all. All energy is concentrated mind that moves, a conscious awareness. S: Yes, nothing I can really say Ganga as its all inside, I trust totally as knowledge and the functioning is easier, better daily flow, I know these words are running dry Ganga. All the concepts will dissolve. It will all go I know. I feel its grace now, only grace can work now. G: Good, here is what Sri Ramana says on the subject Realization takes time to steady itself. The Self is certainly !211

within the direct experience of everyone but not in the way people imagine. One can only say that it is as it is... Just as incantations or other devices can prevent fire from burning a man when otherwise it would do so, so vasanas (inherent tendencies impelling one to desire one thing and to shun another) can veil the Self when otherwise it would be apparent.... Owing to the fluctuations of the vasanas, Realization takes time to steady itself. Spasmodic Realization is not enough to prevent re-birth, but it cannot become permanent as long as there are vasanas. In the presence of a great master, vasanas cease to be active and the mind becomes still so that Samadhi (absorption) in Realization results. S: Well, Ramana's my man!! G: He is the best authority around....... if he says it - it is so. So continue on until the mind is totally stilled and silent, no more remaining vasanas. S: Yes, okay I trust you totally. G: So, this is why the OM is given. It is easier to transcend into the moment and the silence from the OM or the OM THAT I AM, dispels the illusion of separation. S: Yes, but the pressure hates any doing. It seems to make the pressure worst. G: There are reasons for each that is given, although the reason why is not usually given out… hahahahahah.... but this One breaks all the rules in that... hahahahahahahah... so then just relax totally and completely. Be in the moment and do NOTHING. S: Are you sure? What is the best? G: Whichever moves you to internal silence, beyond mind and thought is the best. S: Yes the root will dissolve, it’s being moved up and away from source. !212

G: The root is ego, it just implodes and shatters in an instant and simply the source or Essence remains. Still Silent Bliss. S: Yes out of the glasshouse? G: Out, you were never in. The mind’s ideations have kept you enclosed - encased in the body - mind - emotional concept called P***..... hahahahaha… S: Oh god. G: Yes!!!!!???? THAT is all there is, God but no set personality or form..... hahahahahahah and you are THAT. S: I'll keep quiet. G: Good… hahahahahhaha... just BE. There is NOTHING to be except BEING, EMPTY AWARENESS THAT CONTAINS ALL THINGS YET HOLDS NOTHING, FLUID, ETERNALLY THE SAME AWARENESS. S: Thank you Ganga. G: There is no Ganga only emptiness that contains that vastness of Being..... hahahahahhaha… S: There is much devotion to that. G: There is no self, there is and always has been simply Source. We are simply a by-product that comes and goes in the transient. That is the ego self, but, the Essence is Eternally Unborn and ever the Same. So there is nowhere to go, nowhere to get to, it has always been right here. Hahahahahaha..... so close that it is missed entirely. S: Nothing I can say Ganga. G: For there is nothing that need be said. In Silence and Stillness Peace and Bliss. THAT is ALL.

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Spiritual and Healing Modalities

Siddha Yoga & Kundalini S: Thank you for writing to me, I am full of questions. My experiences do not come with very much understanding. G: Understand i will help as much as possible... it is not an easy path... those that say kundalini is always a blissful experience are deluded... they are not experiencing kundalini but only a mind generated illusion... they are experiencing a vivid imagination... for kundalini is a difficult and very real phenomenon... but there is a way through... S: It seems you are a very advanced seeker, by your sharing in your email. I am not so advanced. I was very unsettled about this, but now I accept my place in merit. G: There are NONE higher or lower in merit... that is an illusion of truth... ALL are of the SAME ONE ESSENSE... no higher – no lower... simply at present your eyes are covered by a veil of misunderstanding and taking to be real that which is transient... that is all... but you are NOT lower in merit... Let that be established right from the start... S: I still hold very dear my soul searching for true happiness. G: Good... The path of wisdom and knowledge if sought for will be opened... you can reach to that Bliss which is essentially your eternal nature... it IS possible... it is part of the REALITY of who you truly are... But it is never found in the temporal and transitory world of experience... S: I have stopped practicing Siddha Yoga practices for now, due to my ignorance, and fears that I am being led the wrong way. G: Good... if you are being led into fears then you are right to stop... if there is no one there to guide you through the fear episodes then it only creates more disturbance of mind... and more relative conditionings to unravel... and lord knows that !215

there are enough of those as it is.... you are wise to stop... i am sure that no one is intentionally attempting to lead you astray but many have only theory and when it comes to experience they are sadly lacking... and only experience can guide one through... S: I have been experiencing the worst visions and I don't like them. I'm not seeking such ugliness and I don't want to see it also. It is said that visions are kriyas and cleansing of Karma. But I really don't have any memory of such awful things. Not in this lifetime. Why must I be exposed to such visions? I ask myself, so for now I am avoiding anything that would make them happen. I just am confused and a bit weary of following a path that would lead me to such yucky-ness. I keep saying "I need to be brave and courageous in order to find true happiness." But I am not one who likes to expose myself to awful things, and when they come in my sight through visions it is most discouraging for me. So I do not meditate. G: Instead of meditation you may wish to proceed with the jnana path of Self enquiry... it short circuits the kundalini path... a much easier way to clean out the vasanas and samskaras... it includes staying in the present moment and slowing the mind until it comes to an end... when relative mind stops and you are in absolute silent mind then the Bliss will rise... you will become aware of it... and then you can surrender everything and are ready to face and resolve the last great fear, that of the ego death... and in the end you must laugh because that greatest fear which has kept us so bound was simply an illusion... but you must be in a secure place to make that leap... and this requires a middle way... to start to settle within... S: Is kundalini Shakti angry with me? G: No, definitely not... i also went through a horrendous kundalini experience but have emerged quite unscathed in the end... although there were so many times that i wondered if i !216

was going to spontaneously combust... or be taken over by demons... or lose my mind entirely... arggghhh, not something that i would ever want to repeat... this is why i am committed to helping others as much as possible.... because i "know" there is a light at the end of the tunnel... and that light is Bliss... S: If so, I'm in big trouble. I would very much appreciate any insight you may have on the subject of uncomfortable and not so happy inner experiences. G: These things arise through symbology... do not take it to be literal happenings... this is all the repressed stuff shoved together in one big mix... and it comes forth in a number of ways... but do not cling to any of these manifestations... they are simply repressed mind images and emotions and conditionings surfacing... (sure, easy for me to say)... but i tell you that you can and will make it through... if you "know" that they have no substance... simply the same substance as a dream-state... so have no fear... it is only when you cling to them that they will appear to have concrete form... S: My experiences still do not stop. G: When you reach to realization most of this will end... if i become overtired the lights and flashing will re-occur... i will become aware of it... but the other manifestations have ended... sometimes there is some slight feeling of the energy moving but nothing uncomfortable... S: But the awful visions have subsided. G: Good... those are not fun... S: I hear the inner mantra, and I see lights and have guidance. But I am using my discrimination a lot as far as taking any action on my voices. I also do hear music from within on occasion. That experience is most pleasing and enthusiastic. G: Just don't hang onto any of these experiences not even the pleasant ones... just let them go... !217

S: There is a Siddha Yoga meditation center here in Portland but I haven't gone there, I'm feeling as though I should be not influenced by the people there. It is so social, and they really push sharing their experiences and listening to all their great experiences makes me even more confused because of my difficult experiences. G: Most that are bragging of their great experiences are simply having great imaginations... their minds are creating and generating the self-fulfilled pre-conceived notions of what they are being told that kundalini is... that is all... so do not let their talk of great experiences dampen your spirits... sometimes when it first is activated there is a samadhi state... then it recedes for some time... then out of the blue the cleansing begins and the process starts in earnest... S: Sometimes, I think I'm possessed or doomed to the evil side of things. I seek only light, and virtues. Is something wrong? G: NO... There is nothing wrong with you... it is the fear which is creating these feelings... You can and WILL make it through... i also went through those terrors... until i found the key to unlock the mind... You are ever safe... your essence is ever Pure... and you are never touched by any of these happenings... i know this is hard to believe or accept now since you do not have direct experience of this... But it IS ABSOLUTELY the TRUTH...

Healing Techniques With Adverse Consequences S: Sometimes nobody can help you with your kundalini process. Many times healers will reject your true feelings as inappropriate, and enhance your feelings of inadequacy. Most times you have to be your own therapist. G: Healers that are putting their ideations on you and that do not understand nor have a working knowledge of kundalini... and have not gone through the process of kundalini !218

themselves, are not in any position to be working with anyone undergoing this process.... Only one that has completed the process successfully and has a working knowledge of maya and what is beyond can be in any position to be a guide... so yes for many they have had to be their own therapist.... this is why it is important to lend a helping hand to others once you complete the kundalini experience successfully...... S: Holothropic breathing (created by Stanislav Grof) and other healing techniques may solve your bio-energetic problems OR may make them worse, and this is unpredictable. G: Yes absolutely... the forcing of ANY breath-work can have extreme adverse consequences..... Never do any prescribed breath-work.... if something is required it will spontaneously occur without any manipulation on your part.... go with the flow.... when specific pranayam is needed it will happen spontaneously...... S: 3. How many of you are not able to work because of a kundalini? G: During the process i did lose my job.... was not able to maintain concrete awareness within the mundane existence.... would be here and not here.... was unable to work for many years.... S: What techniques do you apply when things become too painful or too confused, in order to reorganize yourselves and be able to function in ordinary daily life? G: The "best" technique is Self Enquiry practice.... this rapidly completed the kundalini experience for me.... slowing the thoughts... active vipassana – watching and witnessing the thoughts without attaching to them..... staying in the present.... keeping yourself always in the present moment..... having satsang with someone that has completed the process that can help to stabilize you .....

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S: Mediumistic abilities does not mean a good character, and sometimes are used to get power, control or “success.” G: These siddhis which arrive are BIG traps of ego along the way.... they can effectively make null and void your spiritual progress.... In attempting to control anything you are within ego ideation.... it is in seeing the emptiness of such practices that you move beyond them..... S: How many of you had deceptions with spiritual and psychological groups? G: Most are not out to actively deceive you.... the one involved in the deception is himself deluded.... his delusion carries over into his actions.... they are attempting to bring you into their perceived illusions of truth.... their distortions.... although they believe that they are helping – such is the delusion of maya.... Until one has completed and has reached beyond maya realm and has successfully integrated Shiva/ Shakti ... or come to "know" and rest within the Constant... Only when one has transcended the duality into the nondual.... gone from the personal to the impersonal... only when one’s own illusions of truth have been utterly shattered to where they no longer exist... Only when the Truth of Being is reached... only THAT ONE is ready to guide and point the way to liberation.... One that is NOT liberated himself can not hand liberation to anyone else.... Anyone that is still suffering cannot hand happiness or Bliss of Self to anyone else.... one that is still in theory cannot give experience.... They are themselves deluded.... a wounded healer is NO healer at all... a sympathizer maybe but NEVER a healer...... S: A measure of your spiritual health is your ability to be creative, positive, patient, and have your own ideas, instead of 'buying' ideas from any guru. You should be the one to define your path. G: There is nothing to be "bought" – a guru is quite necessary at certain points on the path.... they are there simply to point !220

the way... they cannot teach you anything.... but they can help to weed the garden when it is being strangled by nonproductive ideations.... You are the only one that can walk your path.... the ultimate Sat-Guru is within... and a true Guru will only help to bring out that which is within the Heart of your Being.... what the Guru speaks should always resonate Truth to the very Core of your Being.... To bring you to still awareness..... S: While you grow up in spirituality, many people will reject you and even be hostile without even noticing it. G: Those that are ensconced within traditional religious ideations are trapped by dogma, man’s ideations which are coloring the Pure Truth. They see as through a dark glass, they are caught within once again conditionings and self-created ideations of valuations of Truth, distorting and adding their own take due to their relative existence. They cannot understand what you are experiencing because it is not part of their reality framework. Therefore, the distancing happens. They do not want their modalities rocked, they do not want any of their pre-conceived notions tampered with. It is a threat, therefore, the rejection happens. S: Most women are fighting for power over men, using guilt and sensuality as weapons. Men do not respect women, reinforcing this game of seduction. In the end, true love becomes rare. There is only interest and mutual validation, and lots of solitude on both sides. It's not badly wrong to say that "women should serve men, and men should serve God." But men abuse women and women want to be the center of a man's life. Nobody should be the center of other people's life. G: It's not liberating and freeing to say that women should "serve" men. Once again this is an illusion of truth perpetuated by man’s twisting of scripture to fit his purpose.... Man is supposed to be the head of woman as Christ is the head of the Church... (this part always gets conveniently left !221

out)... the church is not there to "serve" and wait on Christ.... Christ was there to free the church... to bring light and truth and awareness and liberation.... what is meant for liberation man turns to his own purpose for bondage.... There is no male nor is there female.... You are trapped in your own relative bondages of self held ideations between men and women.... as long as man continues in this you did - he did nonsense they will not move forward.... it takes mutual respect.... seeing the divine in each... honoring each instead of manipulation for their own self gratification... Either you want to work within conventional church ideations or you want your own path and move beyond the limiting dogma... you cannot have that which suits your purpose to bind another and then throw out that which binds you..... S: There has been a great growth of the number of people going through spiritual transformation processes in the last years. For one side, this is good, but the extreme violence and sexuality we have been noticing in our societies may come from this spiritual pressure to solve inner conflicts. Some people are acting their conflicts out and this may be dangerous to themselves and to other people. G: The violence does not stem from a religious moving forward... it stems from one’s feeling of inadequacy within themselves.... they do not know who or what they are... they see only the mundane existence, not knowing there is anything beyond... they are entrenched within self-created and self-held bondages.... in so much pain that their only relief is in inflicting this pain on others.... they are holding onto truths that have been so twisted out of shape that there is no cognition of what they are doing.... within their delusions they are acting "normally"... they are living out their perceived "reality".... there is no pressure in spirituality... pressure is in not seeing spirituality.... not understanding that you are Eternal and unlimited.... in not understanding that there is freedom, the pain is lived.... That sexual perversion comes !222

from not having nor accepting Love which is at the Heart of Bliss.... they have replaced Bliss with sexual gratification and it is a temporary fix.... like a heroin addict needing more and more just to assuage the inner pain which comes to the forefront..... S: In the end, neither sex, nor a partner, nor entertainment, nor meditation, nor money, nor working, nor success, nor acceptance solve our inner pain. What have you found that solves it? G: Knowing who and what you are and are not.... this alone brings liberation..... Coming to the point of residing in Bliss which is a part of your Eternal Nature... Only in this Bliss are you fulfilled. Another individual can never fulfill you.... You come in alone.... You go out Alone.... You live within your own mind and thoughts and ideations.... you create your own happiness and pain.... only in finding out the reality of this do you gain that Bliss and Freedom.... S: How many of you had problems after unblocking energy with acupuncture, yoga, sexual activity, drugs, meditation? G: Energy is concentrated consciousness... when it starts cleaning out the mental and emotional bodies, expect there to be a lot of perceived problems that arise.... the movement is felt in the body as heat or pain, etc..... any of the above listed activities can cause an energy change and imbalance and can activate many stored reserves of conscious mental modifications that have been stuffed.... when they are resisted the feeling of heat and power is only increased.... until that blockage is removed by one way or another..... it is best to limit some of the above activities and to avoid, cease, and desist drug use absolutely.... S: Which is the effect of physical exercise to your present problem? G: On this end there is no longer any problem.... !223

S: How many of you had to isolate yourselves because of excessive sensitivity related to other people's and your own feelings? G: Ahhh this one is an important one to recognize.... you must learn how to not hold any of these happenings... you cannot carry the weight of the world... nor can you eliminate everyone else’s pain.... yes you can feel it absolutely... but you can move beyond this experience by not attaching to it... and by not contemplating and getting stuck in that empathic happening..... yes i also at one point had to isolate due to the overwhelming nature of sensory input.... now it has ended with non-attachment to the emotions and physical manifestations....

Reiki and Kundalini S: Some days I feel I have the big "K" under control. Other days I feel my K is totally out of control. G: It's an illusion that it is ever under control. We can only go with the flow; it does what it needs to do in the timing that it takes. The more you can relax within the process the better. S: Few days ago my body was filling up with energy, expanding like a balloon, I also experienced a lot of heat in my upper arms. At times my normal breathing changes. I have to breath out this tremendous air, it just keeps coming for about 15 minutes, then it passes and I am back to normal. G: You are right to follow with your natural response. Just do what you feel needs doing and know that no matter what comes up that it will pass when it is finished. Sometimes, the heat can be difficult to deal with, but it will end; just ride it out. S: I give Reiki to friends and family members from time to time. The last two times, the tips of my fingers [all ten] turned deep blue for hours. It seems to me that the energy does not

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pass all the way through my fingers. A few years back both my big toes turned purple. G: You may want to stop doing Reiki for some time as it can produce too much overload of energy in the system. It might be better to wait until the kundalini completes to undertake any Reiki activities as you don't want to unbalance someone else due to any kundalini fluctuation. But of course, that must be your decision; you know better how it is reacting within yourself. But, any attempt at energy manipulation can throw you into a kundalini energy spin. S: I pray every day to God, Christ, and the Angels to protect myself. G: What are you protecting yourself from? If you walk in fear you will find shadows, have no fear. What can touch the essence of your Being which is only God. Nothing can touch you that you don't, through fear, grab by the mind. God, Christ and the Angels are all aspects of God and that is the essence that moves your being and gives all life. Just know that you will make it through the kundalini experience and in the end is Bliss and freedom. Sometimes the journey can be a bit rough, but there are others here to support you, and, know that you will make the journey to Truth and any time Truth is sought, God protects.

Psychiatry and Kundalini G: Indeed, the world of psychiatry is at a loss to understand the workings of kundalini and the freedom that is gained in the end. This one went through the gauntlet of mental health ideations of having one label after another placed upon the internal occurrences… hahahhaa... This last time went for a review and they have come to the view that this one is beyond help, let’s see. The labels now are de-personalization and derealization which translates in India to Realization !225

and Enlightenment. One man’s enlightenment is another’s insanity... hahaha... this society does not support the understanding that Reality is not simply the seen existence/ mind/ body/ and emotion. Going beyond into the Silence Peace and Bliss are the Paramount. The world may not understand you when the illusion of the you shatters. But, it no longer matters, for Self is rested in and Freedom is Known to have always existed, for freedom and bondage were simply mind generated ideations - concepts of relative world. Beyond the relative world is the Foundation from where it springs forth. When resting in the Source as it IS, the relative world is known to be a by-product of Source and therefore is NonDual, One and the same, and ALL is Perfection as it IS. It was a delight to read your journey. At the Heart of Being there is simply ONE.

Buddhism and Kundalini Shakti S: In Buddhism, the prana and shakti energy moving through the body are called the winds. Buddhist teachings do not focus on manipulating the kundalini shakti. The Buddha in his great wisdom taught his students to focus on, and work with the "prajna," the wisdom of the heart, because the wisdom of nondual awareness tempers and brings harmony to the power of the kundalini shakti. I have found that traditional Tibetan Buddhist monks do not have kundalini related problems and yet the energy is actively moving up the sushumna. The Buddhist approach works safely and very effectively to purify the latent unconscious forces. When these latent energies, the causes of the blockages and resistance, are brought into consciousness and released into the light of awareness, the winds (shakti) will naturally, safely enter the central channel and rise up the sushumna without the need for willful manipulation. The webs between the chakras dissipate in a

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natural way and this allows for illumination of the different levels of consciousness associated with the chakras. G: This is what i had stated before... that the process of Self Enquiry which leads to self realization or the Non-Dual will end the difficult process of kundalini.... It is a safe way to divert and move beyond a difficult kundalini awakening..... S: The traditional Buddhist approach works safely, efficiently and effectively to dispel the neurotic patterns, the illusions, the latent unconscious forces that create resistance to the flow of the kundalini shakti in the sushumna and the prana in the chakras and meridians. One learns very effective practical information and tools for accepting the physical, emotional and mental experiences, our fears and anxieties, as they arise, and how to stop reacting to them. This brings detachment and freedom from our "stuff" and interestingly enough the problem with kundalini subsides. When you increase your understanding and awareness of kundalini and the true cause of suffering, and then take appropriate, skillful action, you will gradually become free of illusion, the causal origin or source of suffering, and also free of your kundalini related symptoms. G: Yes, the methods of vipassana and seeing that you are not the body mind or emotions will bring this detachment.... and you will be able to move forward....

Experience of ONENESS S: I have enjoyed reading of your experiences as I have a lot of questions now. I have been a meditator (SRF Kriya yoga) for 30 years. I am a woman of 47 now. I have been interested in spiritual, metaphysical and personal growth things all of my life. I have always been very devotional – a bhakti yogi – and have experienced blissful states throughout my life. I few years ago I felt a "wash" of sparkly tingles go throughout my !227

body. I was a little scared at first as I thought my head would explode. But the energy didn't explode in my head. It was more like I was bathed in these tingles and felt great love and compassion for all. I felt more alive than I ever had. Colors were more vivid and physical sensations were more alive. I sat and meditated and prayed for several hours. G: Sounds as if you are accessing samadhi states..... not yet to the non-dual but definitely on the way..... this was also my way.... the prayer and meditation/contemplation a natural unfolding.... the heart of compassion was definitely opening up to an expanded awareness of empathy... and from the colors being clearer the distortions are being dropped... coming into the moment, one with what you see..... really seeing.... awareness unfolding.... colors are brighter with increased awareness and focus...... S: Usually, my legs would go to sleep rather quickly, but this time, miraculously, my legs did not fall asleep. Everything seemed to have a glow around it. I felt sadness when it faded a few hours later. I wondered if this was a kundalini experience even though it was not the classical energy up the spine but rather a wash of tingles going all through me? G: Yes..... sometimes the auric fields may open for some time.... it may stay or recede... but do not worry, nor focus on the auric energies per say.... it appears that you were in a samadhi state where you are starting to access a oneness..... at that point.... S: Then last September I went to see the incredible healer, Joao de Deus, in Brazil. While I was meditating there, he was staring at me (I had my eyes closed, but my fiancé had opened his eyes then and saw him staring at us), and I experienced a feeling of a sharp arrow piercing my heart. Then I went into a state of divine ecstasy, expanded consciousness, and felt like lightning-like electricity zipping through my whole body. I was a bit scared at first and tried to resist it, and had enough !228

ego at first to be concerned whether I would look like a fool as I didn't know if I'd be rolling around on the ground, etc. It was like an intense orgasm that exploded in my heart chakra that lasted for an hour. My body went limp like a wet noodle as the energy pulled me within in total ecstasy that was SO blissful it was also painful. G: That was a method of shakti-pat or of sending his energy and consciousness into you.... as he is in ONENESS, he merged within your Being.... and being sensitive, you on the edge of awakening had your battery jump started, so to s p e a k . . . . . t h a t e n e rg y i s s h a k t i o r c o n c e n t r a t e d consciousness..... the energy which moves and creates existence...the love which expands into the universe as diversity...... the divine ecstasy is the Bliss of Self..... that is your natural state of Being.... it jogged loose, for that moment, the identification with the physical form.... S: Shortly after this experience in Brazil, I met a woman here in California who is said to be enlightened. In meditation with her, I have had several more ecstasy experiences. And the devotion has increased within me, and often I feel divinely intoxicated, like there is a divine ambrosia floating through my bloodstream. I feel tingles and heat going throughout my body nearly all the time whose presence gives me joy. G: This is what the Christian persuasion would call being filled with the Holy Spirit.... you are a natural contemplative.... and in not attempting to hold the Bliss it stays as it IS...... Yes this is that nectar.... there is nothing in the world compared to this BLISS..... Being in the company of Sages you are able to stay within that Oneness of Bliss.... Within the heart of Self...... but at this time you are still within the realm of dvaita.... but ever moving closer to melding within the ONE....... S: I have read these spiritual things all of my life and I feel so blessed that it is really happening to me. One day while I was !229

meditating and was filled with divine love, I heard the most beautiful bell-chime sounds. At first I thought they were coming from the chimes outside, but I opened my eyes twice to make sure, and the chimes outside were not moving in the slightest. G: That is a manifestation of the Nad.... or one of the internal sounds that comes with an activated kundalini manifestation..... it is good that you recognize it as a blessing.... within the realm of the Christian mystics, many of the saints or mystics had these types of manifestations..... within the meditation and contemplative life they are signs along the way...... and the devotional path of love helps to sustain them..... and the path of love gives you the strength for the next step...... S: I have just returned from 2 weeks in Brazil, which I spent again with Joao de Deus. I had some wonderful meditation experiences there. I yearned to have a repeat of the heart chakra/expanded consciousness experience I had the first time. G: Do not attempt to hold onto any experience.... or to attempt to re-create... by doing this your focus is diverted to the past instead of the Eternal Now.... and only within this NOW will it ever be accessed and lived..... the desire itself creates and sustains a chasm ..... let go of any desire and gratefully accept what is placed before you...... be within the heart of devotion for each experience as it unfolds...... S: What happened though was one day while meditating there, an intense energy began to engulf me. It is hard to explain. I felt like I (the ego) was losing my hold on "reality" and I was slipping into another state of consciousness. It felt as though I would burst into a million particles of light. I used all of my strength/will to hold onto "normal outer reality" as the energy was so strong and powerful it scared me. After a while it

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mellowed out that I didn't have to use any effort to stay "normal." G: This was one of those rare moments of Divine Grace being handed to you..... unfortunately we do not recognize them many times..... it was at this time that the ego death could have taken place.... that the last door could have been walked through.... that the last illusion could have been broken...... this is when it takes the ultimate in ABSOLUTE SURRENDER and FAITH...... to be willing to let go of ALL to see and KNOW the TRUTH behind ALL of Existence...... This is that death which is spoken of in the Bible..... first you must die and be re-born.... you go through the ego death and are re-born into the infinite.... the last great fear to transcend is that of Death..... and the limited ego self-fights that last step..... for some, to find out that you don't exist is liberating; for others it is devastating..... it will shatter all your belief systems forever.... and it cannot be denied in any way as illusion.... it is more real than anything you have ever experienced in this physical realm..... but it is the UNKNOWN..... the UNKNOWABLE.... the last door... the end of the search.... the Holy of Holies....... this is where the guru is needed.... to give you the faith and determination to let go and surrender to God and Self within.... to TRUST ABSOLUTLEY that the Holy Spirit or God will bring you through this ..... only One that has been there can say with certainty that although you die to self you will LIVE to the Eternal Source...... the Seed as small as a mustard seed which is Eternal Life will be grown into the great tree of Existence..... you will be no more and yet you will live more completely than you ever have...... the sensation of knowing something is missing will end.... and you will once again be Complete..... S: Afterwards, though, I felt sad I had not trusted the process/ God enough to allow a natural unfolding of whatever was wanting to happen. I yearn for God so much. But I guess my !231

ego felt it was on the threshold of being blown to pieces and in that moment my ego felt I was not ready to "awaken." Yet in my heart I yearn for God, Truth, Divine Love, Bliss. I feel like I am near a threshold of everything I have known dissolving away which holds a little bit of sadness with it along with some fear. And yet after a taste of the Divine there is nothing my soul wants more. G: Yes, and with this the path ends... no longer any search.... from then there is no longer a path of search but a living and manifesting of Truth.... just Being Truth in motion..... Once again, this is the last barrier.... the fear of the unknown..... you will come out of it..... for that moment in time – there will be no time..... there will be no awareness of anything external.... you will be and go beyond the 5 senses.... and what is termed God will be "KNOWN" not simply known about as in a concept..... it will be KNOWN....NOW when the opportunity arises again.... dedicate all to God .... even the desire to reach.... ALL desires lay at the feet of the Divine and let go..... go into it unafraid..... let God be your strength...... for at that time you will have no strength..... S: On another note, do you work, have a job, need to function in the world in a normal, human way? Do you do typical human activities such as drive a car, cook, clean house, etc., or are you in a state of bliss all the time that these things cannot be performed? I am trying to understand what it is like to be fully enlightened while still being in a body in the world. Anything you can share with me about all that I have written is most appreciated as there are not very many I can share this with who understand from experience. G: i move as others move..... i am now on the road taking my daughter to Disney World..... but my focus and my natural inclination at this point is mainly to be within the silence.... this is one of my last big forays into the world.... but this is simply how it manifests for me..... this is not necessarily how it is for everyone..... i am moving ever closer to staying within !232

a silent calm away from the world..... as long as there are those that ask questions and seek guidance, i will be there.... i will remain somewhat in the world..... but my awareness is ever being drawn into the internal world of the Great Silence..... i have no need to work at this point in time.... what i have is adequate for my needs .... so there is no thought for any outside job..... this is my so-called job.... i go where needed.... after this journey with my daughter, there will be a minimum contact as far as mother/daughter relationship..... she sees and understands ..... being very independent, this is not a problem...... the solitude for me is Bliss..... the world calls in an attempt to hold onto relative mind..... that is going.... it is difficult to access mundane conversation and to think of what is past.... the mind no longer accesses past ideations..... that is dwindling into nothingness..... if it were needed that i should continue on in a job, then relative mind would be there..... but in this moment it is no longer needed and therefore is going...... have no fear – what is needed will be there..... if it is not needed within your particular life experience, then it will drop out of its own accord..... things will adjust to circumstances...... when something is needed, it manifests.... a stray thought may manifest a singular thing or event that is needed..... everything will be taken care of.... so just have no fears..... i am not every moment surrounded in the Bliss.... But in every moment i am within the Peace which Passes ALL Understanding..... even within the midst of an emotional storm that may arise on occasion across the surface of life, within is that still calm...... the moment is never clung to..... it is ever new and fresh......

Aura Sensing, Healing and Free-Will S: When I collect emails from different spiritual websites and others, I cannot assess immediately who is who, and when I send the introductory letter, sometimes those who consider !233

themselves gurus in west (both foreigners and the Indian settled there) react sharply. G: You presume to judge one that you do not know.... making this broad a statement – another generalization.... i can teach nothing as truth may only be pointed to... not taught....it must be discovered within yourself..... it may not be learned by rote..... those that consider themselves as "healers" make harsh assumptions many times.... S: Though remedy is there, but I try to avoid such situation and the first line is meant for this only. But still I get a reply from those who feel irritated, for no reason. There is no way out. In this situation, I pass on the letter to our Guide who channels energy to calm down the particular person. We feel one's writing again and again has some Karmic link and therefore instilling peace in him/her is necessary. Aura reveals the same. G: You need not channel anything here..... your Guide should only send energy directed at one with their approval.... otherwise he/she works against freewill..... that is against the laws of the universe.... one’s stuff is their own stuff – it is not your duty to soothe the way.... it is your job to simply know yourself and your own actions and re-actions... you are responsible for those alone... not someone else’s..... S: You, without thinking over the matter or verifying the reason for adding this line, started your own comments taking it personally. Well, forget this please and find here your aura sensing. G: i simply stated a truth... that one cannot assess your reading unless they are at a level to see and know.... at that you took offense and backed off .... that was the reason for the reply.... instead of seeing the truth in that, fear rose and, well, “then i won't do a reading”.... i simply stated that i would give you an accurate diagnosis of your reading....

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S: The 'Practitioner' of the aura sensing finds your aura as under: (This is as it was sent by him). P (Practitioner): Aura can sense much before a physician or his diagnostic tools may or may not reveal the cause of the trouble in the body. Aura is vibrant around 10 inches, which is imbalanced at certain points as under: (Those who live as a detached attached person can have an aura of 12 inches and above). G: As for the Aura if you measure from the top of the head to the middle of the chest (between the breasts) area that is how much the aura extends over the head region.... this would be a good 20-23 inches.....Gold in Color and full no gaps..... so this part is off..... P: The para-thyroids, adrenal glands and thymus are showing some negativity (toxic matter in medical terms). This causes / may cause any kind of disturbance in skin. G: The skin is healthy no blemish... no problems.... clear and with fine pore structure.... so once again not accurate..... P: The areas in the digestive system - 'Duodenum', and 'Terminal ileum', pancreas, liver and gall bladder are showing some toxic matter. G: This statement is correct.... P: Reactive part of the brain known as 'Amydgala' is at the higher side. G: Also correct. P: Both the hemispheres of the brain are fairly developed. In fact, right is more developed than the left. G: Correct. P: Thalamus and hypothalamus are vibrant enough. G: Correct. P: Reproductive organs are also showing toxic matter. !235

G: Wrong.... reproductive organs removed years ago.... P: Out of 12 cranial nerve, 12th is showing toxic matter. This results in giving effect to eyes, nose and mouth area. G: 12th cranial nerve is slightly toxic.... P: Right palm chakra (energy point) is wide open. If one is a healer, it can be used to sense the dis-eased part by moving over the body. G: Yes.... this has been opened for number of years... but is not actively used..... P: Pineal gland is developed, indicating any degree of ESP ability or it can be developed with certain practices. G: Yes also opened with kundalini activity years ago.... also not being used.... P: Since worldly success normally needs use of anger, ego, attachment, etc., these are well there. G: Wrong again – there is no attachments to any worldly success... have no worldly endeavors.... my existence goes with the flow of the universe.... i accept and move within the confines of where consciousness leads..... P: One is honest and very kind. G: This is a value judgment but yes truth is my only subject and compassion extends in whatever form needed..... P: There are several other readings of the nature, but it will not be fair to reveal unless there is any purpose for it. Purpose must be – either one must be capable enough to correct the situation or one must be desirous to get rid of it by getting it healed. G: Nothing is ever moved through unless one is desirous of it.... even to let go of desires...... Nature is as it is .... it is accepted as it is.... ego alone wishes to change and become better, etc..... within absolute submission it is accepted as it !236

is......... if you can make that assessment then it is unfair of you to delve into that aspect without speaking of it with whomever you intend to work with...... P: As dis-eases are healed, it is also possible to heal the nature, if it is a continuous source of trouble for self/others/ family members. G: Dis-eases are created by ill-usions of truth that are held.... once they are seen as ill-usions they may be walked through..... once they are not clung to, they dissipate as dew on a hot day..... P: We all are free to choose our path. Everything has a "cause" and so there is "effect." Therefore, unless one specifically requests for healing and assures to sublimate the 'wish horses', one must not be disturbed with healing help. G: Yes, and once again, to send any energy directed to anyone without their approval is once again mis-using and going against freewill..... people are free to hold whatever illusions that they wish.... healing may only happen when the aspirant is ready to move through the distorted ideations into Truth.....

Transcendental Meditation, Yoga and the Occult S: I am a 20-year-old guy (turned 20 on the 28th of December). I am Indian and I practice Transcendental Meditation on irregular basis. G: Why is it that it is an "irregularly" done practice? What is it that you wish to accomplish within this practice? S: I believe that I have some of the symptoms of Kundalini awakening but I don't really know whether its Kundalini or just some Chemical or biological imbalance in my body. I have had no sensation in the upper part of the spinal column till now. I will mention my symptoms:

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1. Some sensation in the lower part of spinal column.
 2. Some heat sensation at the bottom of my left foot.
 3. Sensation in the left part of the skull (some kind of pressure from within the brain) 4. My whole body seems to vibrate with my heartbeats. In fact, my heartbeats are so loud that I can hear them anytime I want to. 5. Seeing some shining particle like structures in the air particularly when I am in the sun. 6. I feel that somebody within my physical body is doing work for me. 7. I feel some sensation on my body like as if an ant is crawling (I am not diabetic...lol). G: It indeed is showing that you are becoming more sensitive to the subtle realms of experience, that there are some adjustments that are happening. You are becoming more sensitive to energy movements also. S: Some other experiences are as follows: 1. One day I saw a TUNNEL like structure that was going like a spiral in the sky. I could see only one end of spiral which was facing me. This was one of the most wonderful experiences I ever had. G: While these types of experiences do appear, do not take any of them too seriously nor think that they are a means to the end or that you have gained any special powers etc. They are simply rising guideposts along the adventure to discovering the Source. Simply see these rising experiences and know that they contain the substance of dreams. No more and no less. They are transient in nature and subject to change as the mind’s concepts and identifications change. S: 2. Heating up of body during meditation. 3. I had intuition once when I was sick.

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4. I could do tough Yoga postures (like Siddhasana) without having ever practiced them before. This I found out after getting up from a week long sickness. 5. I see some outline outside the physical objects and bodies in blurred light. 6. Being aware of dreams and seeing some unnatural things. Once I had so called Kundalini awakening in the dream (this might seem a bit weird). I felt some sensation in the spine and when the current reached my head there was an explosion. I don’t know what it was but it was all in the dream. Once I was chanting shanti in the dream itself. G: Yes, these all may indeed be experiences that come with an awakening of the kundalini. You may have lucid dream states and dreams that are more "real" than dreams and natural and spontaneous mudras and kriyas are experienced along with the other stated phenomena. S: 7. Out of body experience during meditation and during deep relaxation. 8. Lessening of aggressiveness. Other physical traits that I have are: * I am an asthmatic and myopic (maybe my family traits). * I have a birthmark on my scalp (may sound irrelevant here). * Feeling of having more energy. G: None of the physical traits have anything to do with the ongoing experience, although the feeling of having more energy once again simply shows that you are becoming focused in that direction. The lessening of aggressive tendencies shows a movement in your conceptual realm. S: I just want to know whether these are a sign of Kundalini awakening? If they are then what can I do for smoother awakening of the energy? !239

G: First of all, let go of the energy identification and steer towards a simplified lifestyle. Learn to relax and go into Silence and Stilled Awareness. Either go into a Bhakti mindset or into a Self-Enquiry or Jnana Path. Kundalini means that a movement of energy and consciousness is taking place, now channel it into a more centered path, one that can lead to Absorption into the Source. S: Also I want to know about what happened to the three bodies (etheric, astral and psychic) that Buddha left in the Cosmos by using what are called pegs. (I am not aware of the occult science so I can't explain them further. I read about them in the book "The Mystic Experience" by Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh.) G: First of all, the occult sciences are not going to take you to Self-Realization, they only drag one away into more doer-ship and ego based identifications, of "this ego self is the power," it is Not. The ego self indeed appears to re-create within the transient realms but it has no more substance than dreams in the end... it is not the Source, the Source is Stillness/Constant when it is Known as such then the transient realm is Known to be simply an outcome of the Source - Empty in Nature. The 3 bodies are part of your being - mental - physical - causal. They do not need to be known about from an intellectual standpoint... once they are traversed you will know their relevance, that is all. So, don't get too caught up in this "I must have intellectual knowledge." In knowing about something it is not known, it is only known by direct experience. So, don't waste your time on gathering facts. Spend the time going into the Stilled Awareness…

Yoga Asanas, Food and Exercise S: I got a book a while back about kundalini, and it was saying the usual about having to be able to do 101 yoga asanas, lots of pranayama, lots of meditation and even the !240

cleansing kriyas... My question is that sometimes doing these things without instruction can obviously increase the energies... I wonder if there is anything quite safe and basic one can do, or should one be doing these practices at all? G: i do not advise doing them... i advise people to do self enquiry and basic bhakti path... and also non-attachment.... the kriyas etc. will naturally and spontaneously happen as needed... practicing from a book is not a good idea... perhaps you would like to visit a couple of good sites.... there are a couple listed in the bookmarks section.... that i highly recommend.... one is the transformational site... and the other is the kundalini survival and support line.... both good resources.... you should focus more on having a good spiritual base rather than moving energy.... S: I expect diet and exercise are very sensitive areas in kundalini and I am looking for advice in this area. G: Usually it is good to eat light meals every 3 hours.... if you are having too much energy and feeling not grounded then a heavier protein diet can be helpful... most of all, trust what your body is telling you in this area..... Watch the exercise, perhaps nothing too strenuous... walking is always good.... S: I also find great difficulty now in playing sports that are of any form of competitive nature because of all the subconscious deep stuff that arises with winning and losing... G: This is when i stress that you read and re-read ego-bondage and illusions of truth... this gives you the basics for self enquiry... this is a big area... the most important in the kundalini happening is to stay centered within and during all the mental modifications that arise... instead of being pulled way out in left field.... in this you must stay balanced.... Definitely work on the non-attachment also.... that will help in this area also....

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Chakra Opening and Psychic Powers S: Is it possible to open the Ajna Chakra first by concentrating between two eyes? What are signs that it has opened? G: It is possible but to what avail? All of these experiences of subtle realm must in the end be let go of and moved beyond to realize the Truth of Being. Therefore, why to get caught up in this play if unnecessary, for, while in the beginning it may seem that you are "special" and obtaining some higher powers, in the end all of these powers are seen to be transient in nature and do not bring you Peace nor Bliss nor a life that is controlled and settled. What are signs that it has opened seeing aura's and energy patterns, etc. i do not wish to get too detailed about all the things that may occur as i attempt to dissuade these types of endeavors. S: Thanks a lot for your answer. As to the purpose of me meditating on Ajna chakra is to make... inner watchmen to be more alert and strong. G: For the inner watchman to be more alert and strong you are much better to be doing vipassana... or watching the thoughts.... how they occur where they come from and where they go to.... what happens when they manifest.... how holding them brings emotion and emotion brings them to a concrete nature..... S: A sequence starting from Anahatha to Ajna and then to Sahasarara is the meditation that I practice every day. This was taught to me as Kundalini meditation. G: Who is teaching this as a "kundalini" meditation? Hmmm.... the whole point of meditation is to bring you to a state of silent mind.... and there are other ways.... such as simplifying your life and doing the vipassana.... also using one pointed focus... by not thinking of future nor past.... when you find your mind wandering in these realms bring yourself back to NOW... the Immediate moment... this helps to short-circuit !242

these patterns..... if you are going to go inward then it is better to focus on the spiritual heart center, which is in the right side of the chest versus the physical heart, which is on the left... in this you can learn to keep your focus inward.... when you can remain within, you will develop seeing without seeing.... and hearing without hearing.... S: What kind of meditation do you suggest to your disciples? G: Just what i have given you above.... once the kundalini is activated, there is no need to do active meditation.... your time is much better spent on working on where the kundalini is taking you to anyway..... this makes that process much quicker.... S: Is psychic powers the only advantage of practicing kundalini meditation? I have read and heard about ancient saints of India practicing kundalini meditation. Please kindly provide some ideas on this. G: Kundalini meditation and aim is NOT to develop psychic powers but to reach realization or conscious union with God.... psychic powers are simply traps of ego along the way.... they do not mean that you are spiritual.... they are hindrances to realization.... those that wish to acquire these types of "powers" wind up finding that they do not bring peace nor satisfaction... they may "impress" the "impressionable" but one that is serious about reaching Truth sees beyond these manifestations....

On Social Conditionings, Paths and the Truth G: On being born a brahman and into the priesthood..... S: This could be far harder to keep in balance than just being born a Catholic or Orthodox....... G: Yes.... they are born into a situation.... and so it creates its own conditioned responses and mental ideations..... !243

G: On the tantrik path... about sex and balance of energies..... S: Do you see it an "invalid" or inferior path or tool for anyone? G: How can i say an inferior path? Anything that moves you forward cannot be inferior..... nor can i judge what anyone else does in life or on their own path... each creates and lives within their own reality and universe... they are responsible for the karma they create and sustain..... each is in their own dance with Being.... what is right for one is wrong for another.... what is superior to one is inferior to another.... i no longer have any opinions as to this..... while in duality you have many opinions all based upon your relative experience.... once that is passed through you see all "knowledge" in the end as unnecessary.... as is any experience within the realm of maya or the transient..... it is only as valid and important as your mind’s ideation holds it to be..... beyond mind it ceases to have any importance.... within non-duality, all this ceases to be an issue.... within duality, right, wrong, etc. are of great importance.... while in the world but not of it, you do not transgress the ideations of right and wrong.... for you see with eyes of compassion, the world.... you see the needless suffering, and suffering occurs when right and wrong exist.... in silence and acceptance, suffering is not....... G: Within the Naga Baba type community, by being hard on them if they violated any precepts concerning the fire.... S: This I don't understand.......the fire? G: The fire is indicative of shiva.... there is protocol concerning the duna or fire...... fire destroys and purifies..... it all relates to shiva worship..... S: How long were you in India? G: A period of 2 years.... Within so deep where there is no longer a within or a without is Bliss........ when seeing and not seeing as you are infinitely only ONE and beyond that the !244

Great Emptiness for me that is the most natural state...... to have to once again attempt to be within the worldly concept of division is difficult...... S: So, in light of this experience, Ganga, do you see this as the state for everyone eventually, or to ask more specifically, what do you think now of Fr. Paul's work to make your action your prayer, and to work and be in this world, manifesting the Light, Life and Love of God? Do you see some as necessarily, or by their nature, being more "called" to a life of meditating and contemplating? G: Perhaps all will pass through this experience.... how could they not? Once this has transpired then each action is from the Source from Being..... You do not attempt to be in light, life or love of God.... You simply move from the center of Being ..... Love of God is to be separate from..... there is no longer the separation as you "know" the God or Self devoid of ego identification is ALL that exists as all of manifestation and beyond..... therefore each action is a celebration of God.... the dance of Shiva.... Life unfolds and all that unfolds is accepted as it is...... you could say that each action is the prayer and the answer to prayer...

Sex, Marriage and Partners as Sacred S: Is there anything divine in the sexual path? I hope there is some secret behind it. G: For one, it was used to break the conditionings. They also used wine and other things in the tradition. There is nothing inherently divine within it, especially when it is used for sexual gratification. S: Most of the cultural and traditional brahmin customs are against it. But Siddhas and avadhootas never denied it. What is it?

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G: The theory is to bring the Divinity into awareness by bringing the attention to Sacredness through mundane or more means. ALL of Life is Divine, Not simply sex. Nor is sex within itself wrong. If you are against sex then it becomes a hindrance. Likewise, if your focus is on sex, it also becomes a hindrance. In either case, it is clung to. Your mind needs to go beyond the physicality. Ritual - any Ritual is to bring the inner and outer realities into alignment. So, they took the merging of Shiva and Shakti and turned it into a practice through sexual means. But, the merging of Shiva and Shakti has nothing in the end to do with sex. It has to do with merging the Transient within the Constant, the Manifest and the UnManifest, Movement and Stillness, Mind into No-Mind, Action into Awareness, to lose the self within the Divinity of the All. S: Osho was also against the resistance. G: There is a difference between not resisting and in actively pursuing. To chase after sex for self-gratification and to pump up the ego instead of effacing the ego is absolutely the wrong way to go. It is not productive, it is destructive. S: I’m not married till now. (though interested in sex but only very very little experience). Now, I’m going to 31 and planning to do it, searching for a soul mate. G: Any mate you find can be a soul mate. It all has to do with your outlook. ALL come simply from the ONE. There is nothing that is separate in the end. How can there be anything other than a soul mate? S: Dear Ganga, tell me is there anything that someone can achieve through sex, such as keeping sex as something divine in mind. G: If you approach your partner as aware of the implications that one is Shiva manifest and the other Shakti and you can come together in a pure state of mind, it can only help your !246

path and your marriage. It can become a boon instead of a hindrance, but, it must be realized by both partners. You cannot force your partner into that awareness or focus. It must come from within. S: Our Kerala custom does not deny it at the same time does not admire it more. G: It is a personal thing between you and your partner, that is all. Your marriage can be seen as divine or as mundane, the choice is yours. It is a mindset that is created and lived, go for the highest mindset and truth. S: It is for us only a necessity. For us people it should be "guptha" (means secret). One should follow the crow bird in the case of sex. Nobody can see crows engaged in sex. G: Once again, this is a practice for you and your partner behind closed doors. It is not something that you share with everyone else. No matter what type of relationship that you are in, that is something that is sacred between you and your wife. ALL of LIFE can become a sacred puja, even sex. ALL is Divinity in Motion in the End. But, keep it sacred and divine keep it within the confines of your marriage. You do not have a wife and then look for a partner outside of the marriage union because you want to pursue this as a spiritual practice. This is the danger - seeing sex as a viable way to reach the Divine. It can be if you can lose your self-awareness within your partner, but this practice outside of marriage and with the wrong intent is a double-edged sword. So, be forewarned.

Sex: A Double-Edged Sword G: While suppression is not always the answer neither is wanton sex. Brahmacharya is a state of mind - To be pure and chaste within, to not cling - to be within emptiness - a gentle silence. When the Bliss within is found and uncovered then it will radiate. When wholeness within is found and rested in !247

then the need for an outward coming together is no longer chased after. The wholeness being sought is always in the end found within the Heart of your own Being. To share that experience with another as in the so-called tantric union, there must be a total loss of self-identity, not a satisfying of the base nature. It must be a union beyond the sex act and few are those that are to that point. While it is good to celebrate life rather than to deny it, the sexual issue is also a double-edged sword. It may indeed in a very few cases be freeing, but, in most cases, it only leads to more body awareness and mind and thought avenues, and, these in the end must be transcended. First, you tread the path of heightened awareness and right mind and thought, then that must be moved beyond into the Ever Present Silence of Being.

Stress Relief and Energy Work S: I just wanted to express myself here. I grew up as a shy sensitive kid. I have been labeled socially phobic and anxious. G: First of all, do not gravitate to "labels" and take them to be who you are. They are only true if you accept them as such and make them so. S: I started doing some energy work, such as EMDR and TFT. I was also under severe stress at work. I was also meditating with a CD called Holosync. All of these combined with my sensitive nature caused me to have what I thought was a nervous breakdown. G: If something happens like this and it is not positive - if it is making you more sensitive to stress and destabilization then quit the offending practice immediately. Back off and do something manual and concrete. Bring yourself back to a more grounded state.

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S: It happened one day, I felt this energy, I don't remember where it came from, I don't think it came from my first chakra. The energy felt like it disconnected the third eye partially from the rest of my brain. I didn't feel the energy go through the crown or up the spine like normal kundalini. My awakening seemed to be stress based and hence has been incredibly different. G: Once again, do not continue in this practice. This requires a stable mind and a stable setting and environment with a qualified teacher to help you through. It is not for weekend entertainment nor is it to give you more power so that you can "control" your life and existence. Kundalini clears things out and most often than not - not in a gentle way. It can and does quite often throw one into the midst of a maelstrom. This is not meant to scare you but to apprise you of the nature of what you are dealing with. Kundalini brings to the surface deep bedded fears and subtle experience and puts it dead in your face until you can just walk through it. Clarity may be reached by much gentler and safer alternatives. There are ways to go into meditation and to break through the illusions that you take to be fact, ways to go beyond the mind and emotional identity that is keeping you on this wheel of sorrow. But it takes simplifying the life and techniques of relaxation and awareness. It is much better to follow a Zen Mind or a Bhakti and Karma Yoga or a Jnana or path of knowledge by direct experience of the Self or Essence of Being but playing around with these energies will not take you to the Joy nor Peace nor Stabilization that you are seeking. S: To this day most of my energy is stuck in my third eye or solar plexus. My third eye feels like it is being forced to open. I still have lots of insecurities and impure thoughts, so I know my resistance is causing me problems. G: Your fears and insecurities are causing your problems. That coupled with stress and ever circling thoughts are keeping you in this pattern. Instead of focusing on the 3rd eye, as your !249

continued concern and focus there will indeed continue on in sending unwanted energy and attention to that area, start to look at relaxing and finding a healthier life style and balanced way to live. You can change the thought structure and can let go of the fears and insecurities. It is possible, you can bring your life to Peace and Harmony, to Joy and Stillness, to Flowing and Centered. But it requires turning it all around one step at a time in relaxed awareness, by finding out truly what you are and are not, not in attempting to raise energies nor in moving them up and down. Energy is moving consciousness mind and emotions are subtle experience. Move beyond them to the Source which makes them possible. First find that and then you will be ready for the motion of energy in positive modes. Otherwise in raising energy without awareness energy has no conscious identification with positive or negative and you may simply serve to increase the energy into problem areas and not know how to deal with it. S: When I am around people they cough, clear their throat and sneeze. Sometimes when I lay next to my wife, I feel our energies pulling and fighting, either she drains me or I drain her. I have always been an analytical kind of person and this has really changed my perceptions. What is some advice you could give me. Do you think this is kundalini? G: Let's put it this way. The world is sustained and moved by mind. Thought and energy put into any endeavor will produce results, whether seen as positive or negative all depends on the perception and skewed viewpoint. You may see it as one way and another may see it 180 degrees differently. Both may be right according to their own perceptions and life experience. There are no absolute rights nor absolute wrongs within the temporal realms. Do not seek to analyze everything to death. This simply creates more thoughts and revolving mind that seeks to identify and categorize life – to stuff it into a neat package to be contained. The more complex you attempt to make life, the more difficult it becomes with more mazes to !250

undo. It may or may not be kundalini. It might simply be an overactive mind at this point, but an overactive mind can indeed affect energy. Mind is the bases for all experience. Mind is the creator of all experience. Source is the foundation that makes it possible. If you would like help in finding a practice that is suitable to you do not hesitate to contact me.

Pranayama and Breathing Exercises S: After 20 years, I have started doing pranayama and I wondered if you can suggest any specific asanas w/the breath that *may* help with a neck *nerve* injury? Also dear Ganga, would you think an hour a day is excessive for Pranayama? G: Hahahahahahah... you know your own body better than i. If you feel it is too much then back off. Trust the inner self, that is the best. May i suggest that you just simply relax into the breath instead of doing too much active pranayam exercises. Simply keep your attention directed to that area and a flooding with love will accomplish the same thing. Just seeing a coming together of the energy in harmony, that is all. S: It is being done, and, healing energy is flowing with flooding love. Thank you for sharing your time with me. G: Good, keep this One informed as to how it is proceeding.

Stress and Fatigue: Practices to get to Balance S: I have a lot of strange symptoms, chronic insomnia, chronic fatigue, pain in back, neck, legs, lots of paranoia, always stressed out, depression, over sensitivity to everything, very strong sexual urge, the doctors say physically I'm normal. G: Sounds like a lot of stress and the rhythms are out of order and being stuck in looking for the internals but caught up in the externals.

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S: Haven’t been able to get a good night’s sleep for over 10 years, they had me on a dozen different drugs and they just didn’t work or didn’t work for very long, found out it was better to take nothing at all, so that leaves me with chronic fatigue, always tired, and always stressed out, can’t do too much at once, just normal every day work leaves me totally stressed, makes holding down a normal job very difficult, meditation makes all this worse. G: Just what type of meditation are you doing? i understand the stressed out tired feeling and having a difficult time holding down a job, have been there. S: The stressed out feeling and it always gives me very vivid nightmares of something always trying to attack me, and also leaves me with a very strong sexual urge, any type of breath work or meditation or chi gong or yoga makes the sexual urge very strong, and when this builds up over a few days I'm just a basket case, totally unable to relax or concentrate, and have a lot of paranoia and sometimes it just will dissipate for no reason, but not for very long. G: No more breath work or attempting to create more energy. You only send yourself into this pendulum again. What is needed is being able to let go of all this stuff and to relax into the Now and i don't mean the mental gymnastics that have been going on, the what ifs and past rumblings that keep the cyclone going. S: Was experimenting with astral projection about 15 years ago and started getting pain in the groin area while leaving the body. One time during this projection something gave way in my body like something ripped and I now have a permanent swelling in my groin which hasn’t healed yet, very painful to this day and I still find myself leaving the body and getting the same pain, meditation brings it on without my even trying. G: Once again, what type of meditation are you doing? This will be a big clue as to what is going on. !252

S: Also chronic back pain, and in the last couple of years lots of pain in the knees and neck, chiropractors have a hard time adjusting me because my body is so tight, and sometimes I have no pain at all, and just feel normal. G: Once again, this is saying that you have been trying too hard and have been attempting to move energy and also are not relaxing. This path is about letting go of everything and relaxing totally and completely, adjusting the flow by letting it go within its natural progression within Love. S: Always seem to be cold or hot, usually cold, varies between the extremes, and I'm very oversensitive to everything, especially sounds. G: There is something that we can do on all these scores, use sound to enter into silence. It is possible. Start with OM audibly, then do it mentally, completely until there are no mentations except the OM. From there, listen for the Silence that the Om rests within. Then whatever the sounds they will become the Om which rests within the Silence. S: All doctors want to do is give you drugs which have no effect at all, have tried cranial sacral for back pain and the back pain went away for a while but my back felt so stiff and very weird and it didn’t last, took reiki attunements to treat myself and at first could feel lots of energy with the reiki but it dissipated and didn’t seem to help at all, yoga or chi gong makes everything much worse. G: Yes, you do not need to do anything with creating more energy. You have more than enough, you are on overload. You need to let go of the blockages so that the energy proceeds unhindered and that it can normalize. S: Was in therapy for huge amounts of paranoia, hypnosis didn’t work, couldn’t or wouldn’t go into trance, he finally gave up on me, but he did introduce me to the rebirthing breath, this has given me some relief, it helps me get some !253

sleep, if I do it too long whole body gets so painful and so tight I'm afraid something is going to break, it’s that bad, and I vary between having extreme amounts of energy doing this, even if I didn’t sleep all night, but mostly its the fatigue, and this also gives me way too much sexual energy. G: Do nothing that requires an increase of breath or energy. That is the first step to get out of this maelstrom that you now find yourself within. What is required is to let go of past events and the fear of future happenings. Once all the misidentifications are let go of then you can move on. S: That’s everything I can think of, I'm sure I've left something out and will think of it after I send this, LOL, but this is making my life very miserable. Your opinion is greatly appreciated! G: First start by doing the OM as stated above. When anything rises see it simply as a moving energy and do not label it fear or anger etc. Just sit back and watch it as it is. It will diffuse it when it is seen but not resisted. Next just watch the breath, do not attempt to increase it. Let it naturally slow to a relaxed state. Do not push it. Feel your attention resting within the right side of the chest within the spiritual heart area. See the body as complete and healthy and let love surround and flow through you. Let the body be the temple and love the offering (this has nothing to do with sexual energy etc). Breathe from the solar plexus with the attention within the heart area (right side). On the first breath within, feel the breath go from the solar plexus to the heart. On the out breath, from the heart up and out the top of the head to a point about 12" above. Next breath go the opposite way, from the top point 12" above into the heart with the inbreath and from the heart to the solar plexus on the out breath. Just continue this within a cycling motion, in a relaxed way and pattern, not pushing anything. You may do this throughout the day when feeling stressed etc. Let's begin at this point.

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Safer Practices For Breath Work S: I have read in some books that the Kumbhaka- breath retention after Puraka is dangerous. How is this dangerous? How long should one hold it for? G: As am not advocating this practice, i must decline to answer. But, may say that simply a watching of the breath in a natural rendering is a much safer practice than any type of breath-work patterns. The path and way that i move towards is simply total relaxation and awareness to come to a point of being able to do contemplation and Self-Enquiry and thereby move through the illusions that are binding one to the ideation of limited form - life and death. If you are interested in the practice that i suggest then will be most happy to send it to you. The end goal of all practices is to reach the still point of center, to enter into the One beyond time and division, to access the Eternal within the transient. These practices that are potentially dangerous are not needed, there are safer practices. Sorry was not able to answer your question directly.

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Drugs and Kundalini Kundalini and Drugs Don’t Mix S: I joined your group about March this year and I would love to discuss my experiences with other people as there is, I feel, no one in my life that I can talk to about my experiences. If anyone can empathize, please read on. I first became aware of Kundalini at the beginning of the year in fact the night prior to New Year’s Eve. That night I experienced myself and the world in a way in which I had never experienced it before - a kind of awakening. Now when I speak of an awakening I do not mean that my experience was by any means the result of a thought process or a selfrealization of any kind. In fact, it all happened by surprise. I won't go in to details now as there are too many. For the following weeks and months I went through the toughest time in my life trying to find a balance spiritually. I was glad to find some information on the internet which helped me clarify what was going on in my body and my experiences. I then realized that my kundalini has been rising for the last three years. I have had a real rough time the last few years but by the sounds of it I don’t have it the worst. The presence of Kundalini is currently only noticeable on my forehead and the crown of my head where I feel its movement constantly. Looking back I saw what was going on in me from the age of 18 till 21 almost as self-inflicted. I nearly drove myself mad, but I was amazed to find that my experiences coincided with kundalini rising. The first symptoms began when I was 18 as a movement at the base of my spine. I feel I should give a little background information before I go on. I’m male Irish. I was raised as a catholic but chose to go my own way spiritually at about the age of 15, I no longer regard myself as a Christian. I have had no guru or guides. Kundalini did not even exist to me until the beginning of this year. I !256

knew that my experience was kundalini because I had read about the very type of experience that I had in a book about chakras a few months prior to my awakening. I never practiced yoga or anything athletic, I took up yoga this year as it helps me relax and I feel that the healthier I am the easier it will be to work with kundalini. I smoked cigarettes and hashish and drank alcohol like a lot of Irish teens but I only started taking other drugs after what I can now look back on as my first symptoms of kundalini rising which was the movement of energy at the base of my spine. At that time I did not know what was going on with me at all and became quite depressed and so I took drugs like XTC and speed. My mental condition worsened as different symptoms arose. I was almost suicidal at times. I blamed myself and thought my condition was a result of taking drugs. G: The drugs are the worst possible thing that you can be doing at this time. YES they can indeed contribute to the suicidal ideations etc. Kundalini and drugs do not mix, especially not XTC and speed. Anytime you are dealing with kundalini related experiences you must live a "healthy" and "balanced" lifestyle and this does not include burning the candle at both ends nor taking drugs and toxic foods. Your focus should be on things that relax you, not things that work in the mental framework of the mind. S: Something inside me always felt that all the things that were happening to me were not my fault or my doing. I fell madly in love, had my heart broken, moved to Holland where I took more drugs and had some out of body experiences like what is described as astral projection. I flew through the stars to places unlike this world, places of pure light; I never managed to stay long, I often got over excited and would land back in my body. I returned home to Ireland after spending 5 months away. I felt that my condition had improved but within weeks of getting home, it got worse and I got depressed again.

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G: Any of these experiences are within the realm of duality and subtle energy experience. This is all controlled by mind and energy movements. Any of these so-called experiences in the subtle realms will not give you lasting peace nor spiritual understanding. Light is still moving energy. What you want to rest in is the silence and stilled awareness beyond mind and movements. S: It was these experiences of other planes that when I researched them led to an interest in spiritual things and psychic faculties through which I found and read a book about chakras where I first read about kundalini. The book was by CW Lead Beater and he gave quite a negative and scary image of kundalini and described the particular experience that I had with a very Christian attitude. Anyway, since January of this year I wanted to find a balance with myself, so put an end to my going up and down. I stopped taking drugs including smoking drinking everything. I’m doing much better. I’ve started college and all is good but I would really like to simply talk to anyone freely about my experiences and how I’m feeling now. G: Am very happy to hear that you have stopped the nonproductive avenues that you were pursuing, great. Now start to contemplate who are you? Who am "i"? What is this "I" that experiences all the various mindsets and subtle realms and energy etc. Find that and you will unlock the universe and beyond. S: Sometimes it’s lonely thinking I’m the only one who can understand who I am or what’s going on with me and my life. I often get caught up in finding all the answers which I never do. G: Hahahahahaha... the answers only create more questions in an endless pattern. Just find out that life is the great unfolding mystery and enjoy it as it is. Don't try to sort it all out and attempt to control it. Just accept it as it is and go with the !258

flow. Have no fear, for there is nothing to fear. Any untoward things that may appear to arise have no substance in the end. It is there to show you the illusion that is self-generated. That is all. So do not fight it nor give any energy to it. Just see it and shrug your shoulders and let it go and it will dissipate into the nothingness that it truly is. Know that you extend and rest in the Eternal Source and that life and experience is unending. S: I’m certainly a lot different now compared to who I was a few years ago. My mind was clear and relaxed and now always busy. If anyone has any advice, on diet to not using mobile phones, please help. G: Start simplifying your life, relax, laugh, let go. Do not take anything too "seriously." When you get caught up into diets should and should-nots, then you only continue to create more problems that need a solution. If you seek answers your mind will create more questions. Mind creates and sustains all within the maya realm. Any experience that you are seeking or chasing after, it can create. Any fear can be manifested. But realize that it only has substance as long as you give it energy and run from it or cling to the ideation that you cannot get away from it. Start to do OM and simply watch the breath until you relax. Go within to the right side of the chest and keep your attention there. Throughout the day you can continue on with this meditational and relaxation tool. Simplify.... relax... laugh... and Be where and who you are. That is all and the rest will take care of itself.

On Suicide and Drugs S: I haven’t written because I just feel that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to help. I would love to come to India to be with you, it’s only money that’s stopping me, believe me. I am very much in debt, and a fare sum. I recently went to see Mother Meera, yet that was for my wife as she always wanted to see her, I tagged along, we have also been to see Tony

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Parsons in London, who, like all my other teachers, teaches advaita. G: Did he give you any advice? Or did you speak with Mother Meera and if so, what did they say? I hope that the trip was eventful for your wife. S: It’s so hard at times, I long to be with a teacher, I would even borrow more money to come and see you but you know what, I’m not sure it would help, it may, but then I'd have to return and then it may be harder, oh God. G: It is true that you must find it inside in the end. No matter where i am it may only be pointed to. It requires a faith and a hanging in through what comes and acceptance of what is, finding joy wherever you may be. S: So you see, I have reached the end, sometimes the inner being is so bad I think suicide is the only way out, it’s a spiritual crisis indeed. G: Suicide is Never the way out. What you face now would continue to be faced, the only difference is no body. But all else would remain and therefore it would become only more difficult. So please hang in, have no expectations, no desires except for the truth. S: Anyway, at the moment I am just going to try and keep physically well by doing yoga, getting a routine going of work, exercise etc. not to get anything, but just to manage better, and as therapy. You see it would be easy to not care at all about anything in the world, not even my body, but I must because of Tara my baby, and Donna. Also I smoke a great deal of grass and hash, I always have done for a long, long time, it started as a kind of cultural thing, growing up in rave culture, I smoke joints as cigarettes, and I always have done, it’s probably killing me (okay the body). G: Not only the body, but this could be what is wreaking havoc with the mind. Please stop the drugs, they do not help !260

anything and in fact cover over what is there. They do not bring any BLISS, they only serve to cover over and mask what is real. If i would have known that you were taking the drugs i would have said this much earlier. How can you stay within the now when drugs continue to take the mind on fanciful journeys into the subtle realms. It is quite sad to hear. Drugs only keep you bound, they are never a help on the path to self-realization. They keep you unconnected to the world not with dispassion but in a dismal sort of way, and, what a waste of funds. Please look at this picture and make some adjustments, this could be a lot of the current problem. S: I know for you none of this exists and I hope for me too one day. G: Oh, but this One, while living in the dream does not discount it. It is known for what it is - the ever unfolding transient, and it is accepted as such and enjoyed as the diversity of self-exploration within the movement of consciousness. This One lives within the dream as well as the Constant Unchanging Source. S: Wanted to keep in touch, and offer my love to you. G: It is always wonderful to get your mail. Please contemplate what has been sent and your welfare is prayed for. Do not lose hope. Everything you seek is already at hand; it is simply being covered over by a murky covering held in place by a misidentification. Be what you seek NOW. It is possible, anything is possible.

Cannabis and Kundalini Title: What is surrender? CAT: Fears, emotions, conditionings CAT: Mind and Thoughts Title: Letting go of Thoughts !261

S: I have suffered kundalini symptoms since very small (ages 4-5), this is one of the reasons I smoke, because on the surface it helps me to cope. It doesn't make my K symptoms better or worse, though I agree that I would be more positively connected to the world without cannabis. One would be more confident, healthier and brighter. What effort of ego and will would it take to surrender? G: If you have truly seen beyond the I then you know that it is simply a conglomerate of held conditionings and ideations that have surrounded the body idea and the mind is never clear when using cannabis etc. The only effort that is required in this is to simply decide to do it and not stress about it, nor have any ideation that it is a difficult thing to do. Your thought that it may be difficult creates the difficulty, let it go and be the healthy - bright - and confident Being that you truly are under all the misidentifications that you still cling to. S: A healthy adjusted “I?” Surely the self gives up things, if not it would be me, a kind of becoming. I wish it would just drop. G: it will only drop when you open your hand. There is only becoming when you make it an effort, something that must be reached. When it is accepted it is not a becoming - it is known to be an IS. Everything already IS within its perfection. If the perfection is not seen it means that it is being covered over. You cling to the covering. S: You’re right I know, its standard advice, but I can't do it, till it drops. G: The only one that can drop it is you. It is the ego that clings to it, not the Self. The Self is perfect as it is. The Self clings to nothing nor is it touched by any of the external events. It needs no such supports. You have seen the Self yet you continue to attempt to cover it over with the ego.... why? This is what is causing you such confusion. Be willing to drop the ego entirely. Do not continue to attempt to stuff the Self into !262

the ego's identifications. This is the problem, why you are shifting back into this hardship.

Finding the Middle Way S: I like your answers and to my surprise most of what you say is precisely what I have found to be true. G: Truth is truth... and i simply speak the truth... trust me, it doesn't make you popular... for the most part people do not want to hear the truth – they want their egos fed... they want to control everything... and they don't know how to get to that place... how to get beyond their own self-created bondages... living in Rishikesh is no picnic being surrounded by "gurus" and "sadhus"... the gurus are simply feel good – feed the ego – money collecting – theory spouting – parasites... they thoroughly believe their own press... the ego of humility doing a great service to mankind... and the sadhus sit all day and pester everyone for money which they use for alcohol and cigarettes... no spiritual practice at all... . just begging all day to feed their habits... and the "Naga Babas" sit and smoke hash and ganja (no meditation) just drinking chai and talking crap... oh they are very good at pulling in the younger crowd putting a rudraksha around someone’s neck and making them a disciple – then of course the hand goes out because you should support your guru.... But, if you do not have a good foundational knowledge – and the ones that come do not – they get pulled into the whirlwind of Yoga "Teachers" and Gurus... when people come here, they are under a preconceived notion that this is a spiritual place... which outwardly there are temples everywhere and puja done every day... but it is just as spiritually bankrupt as any other country... people ask for the same mundane things – money, etc., etc... there are very few that are on a spiritual path that is balanced and sane... the Indians have this false sense of superiority being born in such a "spiritual" country... and they !263

are just as blind as anyone else... although great wisdom comes from here... and there are undoubtedly a few good Gurus... for the most part what is found is the business of spirituality... a few crumbs for a big price... a lot of fanfare and of course for those of other cultures it is exotic and so something new and exciting... People must "BEWARE" and be Cautious during this time of "Kali-Yuga"... S: Do you mind if I forward your answers to other people? G: As stated before i am an open book – there is nothing to hide... of course you may forward the answers... everything must be able to stand in the light of day... S: I think we can do something wonderful here. I really like your perspective, and I will tell you after looking at K from many directions for decades and paying close attention to the spiritual scene and all the hoopla and hype, I am amazed that you have seen similar things. G: It is not difficult to see once you are removed from the hooks... when one is "involved" you cannot see clearly... only when you have stepped back from involvement does it become apparently clear... One that is emotionally caught up in looking for "a way" or a new technique ... one that is searching and grasping for straws becomes desperate in their search... and the objectivity ends... when you are in the throes of the full blown kundalini experience the waves keep pushing you here and there... and let's face it, at that point all we want is relief... we will grasp at almost anything that is presented just to find a little relief... and unfortunately it is the ego centered gurus which will of course be right there to give you the cure... . People need to come to a centering... the middle way... There is a way to proceed... but it is not found in quick fix, mystical magical renderings... however attractive they may seem...

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A Path of Trial and Error S: I have so many more questions about your experiences that I want to ask, and am glad to have you join us. G: Thank you for inviting me to this group.... i will answer any to the best of my ability.... of course, this must be taken as per my experience alone.... i do not claim to be an expert on kundalini.... none can be, as kundalini affects each one differently.... and what you go through may be quite different from what another faces.... each one proceeds to the conclusion of their own path... and each one holds different conditionings and ideations that must be broken through.... so each person’s experience of kundalini is different and unique...... S: For starters, what led you to India after having your beginning experiences with Father Paul in the West here? G: As i have said before.... one night when we had gone into the chapel for evening prayers, Father Blighton laid hands upon my head.... immediately, a bolt of gold light shot through my body like a big bolt of lightning.... i would say that the energy felt to be about 4-5 inches across went from the top of the head straight down through the feet..... after that i saw energy patterns... auras within the chapel, around the crosses.... energy around people.... and for a couple of days i walked in a samadhi state.... feeling connected to everything and yet non-attached as a witness... this receded and nothing more so strong happened for about 10 years..... but during that time prayers would manifest what was needed.... after 10 years while sitting down to meditate suddenly the kundalini shot up the spine.... from there it was a roller coaster ride for many, many years...... after leaving the order, i spent some time with the Hari Krishnas but never became an initiated devotee.... although i feel that it was part of what i needed to learn.... as during that time i learned about Bhakti or the path of devotion.... and did meet with Srila Prahbupad on one !265

occasion, and he told me something which i knew would be true within this lifetime.... after that i left and proceeded onward with my interesting life journey.... from there i drifted into buddhism after a vivid past life dream made it apparent about my last life as a monk.... and some ceremonies which were entered into but not completed.... having no such knowledge of these things within this lifetime i came to find out that the dream was correct and it cleared up some understanding as to things that had happened within this lifetime to complete what was begun within that lifetime...... so by chance(?) i just happened to be initiated into the buddhist kalachakra path..... it unfolded in a very unusual way – nothing planned, it just landed in my lap..... i was also initiated into the dzogchen or karma kagjyu lineage....... the path continued to move forward.... and i knew that my path would complete within India..... how i would go or when was not known, but of course it did unfold..... as soon as funds became available, i took the first plane out..... i was led to just the right person, which by the ever popular 2x4 method of instruction broke through some of the last barriers that remained..... from then on it was into self-enquiry and contemplation..... a sadhu i knew died and left me his hut where i meditated by the banks of the Ganga and entered into Nirvakalpa samadhi beyond the five senses and the ego death and came to the realization of Advaita, or the Non-dual Truth of Existence..... S: And you had mentioned that the Kundalini experience can be dangerous, but it sounds as though it is a naturally occurring event as a person is awakened spiritually. G: It can open in many ways.... some by direct transmission.... some naturally in the course of the spiritual path.... others through Reiki either receiving or working as a healer.... by rebirthing techniques..... or while giving birth...... S: Is it only dangerous when people try to force it or "make" it happen? !266

G: It is dangerous in that there are so many physical and mental modifications that happen that you need to have someone there that can guide you and keep you centered.... and to help get you through the fear episodes..... also to get you through the different siddhis that arise..... S: Or is this a time when anyone should seek out a guide in their life? G: The ultimate guru and guide is within.... it is the Self or Source seed of ALL Life...... but until that is reached and to help break through some conditionings, it is of value to have a guide.... but of course you must monitor your own life path.... we are responsible for creating and sustaining our own realities and experiences..... never follow anything that does not ring as truth within the heart of your own Being...... S: It seems every culture has its gifts and its particular way of indulging in ego...... G: That is true.... there is much ego in spiritual pride.... especially among the "brahman" class..... they are born into being priests.... S: So did you use this time for meditation and contemplation? G: Yes.... that was my main reason for going to India... that and the mistaken idea of tantra..... fortunately, the one that i found had been taught and knew tantra well.... and i found that "realization" would not be found within that avenue.... and that the mistaken belief that i had about having to balance the energy – was exactly that in the end.... a mistaken ideation.... the one that helped me to break through offered to teach me the tantric path..... but since realization is beyond it, why bother..... tantra can and does produce some interesting things, energy wise.... but it takes a higher path to reach realization..... S: How did you earn their respect? G: Within the Naga Baba type community, by being hard on them if they violated any precepts concerning the fire.... and !267

also by not using ganja or hashish..... even though they used it, they respected that i did not.... and that i had a lot of wisdom.... sometimes they would attempt to instruct me and then i would bring up something that they saw they needed to learn..... so it was interesting...... from others in the community because i didn't run after the gurus that were selling their information..... S: Does marijuana have any legitimate place in Indian spirituality? It seems to be more historically prevalent and accepted as more than a recreational drug, but never having been to India, I don't know if my impressions are correct. G: Yes, ganja is sacred to Shiva.... shiva is the one that is eternally potent (erect phallus – linga) but he is celibate and in meditation..... Ganja is used by saying the correct prayers and then in smoking and going into meditation it represents where you should reach.... Bliss and the quiet mind...... but it is being very mis-used.... more as a recreational drug.... the ones posing as sadhus use the correct names and prayers.... but then they smoke it and instead of being alone in meditation they sit around and talk gossip and nonsense..... thereby turning it into a recreational happening..... and they call others to come smoke with them..... then they want chai..... this is a mis-use of what it was intended for...... S: So how did you go about finding a "good guru".... did you just go on faith that "Self" or Spirit would guide you? And how, again, did you communicate if most did not speak English? G: i was guided there by spirit..... i know that it couldn't have been an accident as it turned out...... and he spoke extremely good English, having been a degreed and much educated man before leaving into the spiritual path full time...... i was with him for a short while that is all.... and then i have never seen him again.... nor have we spoken since he said it was time to go out and be a guru myself..... !268

S: And where did you find help? G: i didn't..... as far as the kundalini was concerned, that path i had to walk alone..... there was no help along the way..... it was only by trial and error.... intuition and surrender that got me through..... B: And also, what does your daughter think of your spiritual journey? G: She is accepting of it.... of course she just sees mom.... she doesn't realize nor has she seen me working with others..... she has seen the guru photos and knows that it happens... she has seen that there has been a big change but to what extent she is not aware...... the journey has been going on since she was born so it is not just something new...... B: You had mentioned that she "grounds" you, do you find a great draw to not be "active" in this world or to spend more time meditating after your experience of Oneness? G: After the experience of Oneness you enter into the emptiness..... then back into life..... but it is different.... the rational – relative mind is at an end, for the most part...... everything is spontaneous..... in the moment.... and you move ever more deeply into the silence..... you are not having to sit down to meditate – you are in a continual meditation..... it just is..... it is the speaking and the being in society that is unnatural from that point.... the silence and deep is normal.... society and speech are more difficult...... i am most content to be alone.... within so deep, where there is no longer a within or a without, is Bliss........ when seeing and not seeing as you are infinitely only ONE and beyond that the Great Emptiness – for me, that is the most natural state...... to have to once again attempt to be within the worldly concept of division is difficult......

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Kundalini Awakenings

Dangers of Awakening Kundalini S: I'm still not sure why you are not advising awakening Kundalini? Could you possibly explain further? G: Yes. If it is self-realization that you are seeking, there are much quicker ways. In working with the kundalini you need to be in a secure place and not have to be in society and having to carry on life as usual. It can and does bring forth many psychological pools to wade through, many different states of consciousness to pass through - realms of subtle experience. Also it can be quite debilitating to the body as well as playing havoc with the mind and all of it in the end is simply to take you to the point of breaking through all the misidentifications with form and non-form, merging the transient within the constant. But, once again, there have been warnings about the kundalini by masters throughout the ages with good reason. i became debilitated and lost my job from the kundalini manifestations and was taken on a big merry-goround that wasn't merry at all. It ended when realization was entered into and that occurred by Grace in the end, when all of the strivings were finally laid aside. What is it that you wish to obtain? As in the end there is nothing to obtain but only to Know that which is the emptiness of Being. In that then all strivings cease and the unfolding transient is known to be just what it is. Then freedom is known to have always existed, that the bondages and separations occur simply within the identification with the transient as duality and real and it is neither real nor unreal; it is of the realm of mind. ALL is of the realm of mind here. It is seen by breaking through all the held beliefs and relaxing into the now as the apparent and the unseen. S: Thanks very much again. It is very helpful to have someone to correspond with that I think understands more than the superficial day to day. Understanding is hard to find. !270

G: Understanding comes with time. That is all. When the way is cultivated and maintained eventually fruit will appear. That is all. S: Following on from your response, I suppose I'm looking for a way to catalyze energy flow so that I can break through personality barriers - change bad habits, metamorphose into somebody I want to be. G: You can be whatever you want to be, just Be it. Do not sit and think that there must be this change or that change, this practice or that practice. Live as you envision yourself now. What do you want to be? More energy does not mean more stability, it usually means that more energy is going into the negative patterns making them even more difficult to deal with. Do not think that it will make it "better." It simply heightens whatever is going on besides making you even more sensitive to outside and internal stimuli. It is "not" the path to help you change and break through personality barriers. Your personality was "created" by the conditionings of your life. It is when all of this is seen through that the identifications are broken through. That takes self-enquiry rather than more "energy." S: In other words, I want to feel completely self-empowered and unlimited in my potential. And then I want to manifest some of my potential. My short term goal is to achieve some success with my work and relationships. G: Success has nothing to do with the exteriors and what is self-empowerment? That once again is ego based desire, to "BE" something. You already are all that you need to be. This is once again an ego based desire - more control. You equate more energy with more control but this energy is NOT controlled, it controls you. So, once again, this is NOT the way. In the end, the most control is when nothing is controlled but simply seen as the natural flow and progression of this life’s being. That is all, and you move forward for this !271

moment alone, not projecting into the future nor clinging to the past. They have no relevance in the Now. Be in this moment what you are. That is all. S: I feel trapped by limiting beliefs and habits that I cannot seem to get rid of. I figured Kundalini might be a way through these problems. G: Absolutely not. You break through the identifications through self-contemplation, by seeing absolutely that you are not the body, nor mind, nor emotions, not by creating energy which only intensifies the body and subtle body identifications. While kundalini in the end creates a moving consciousness, it is in the end once again based on the transients. Anything that is moving is transient and not the Constant which is beyond all form and movement. You do not reach the seed or Source by moving anywhere. It is only when the kundalini has completed its course and once again rests within the heart that the Constant is Known and that can take "lifetimes," not simply days, months or even years. It is not a quick fix path. S: My potential range of behaviors and actions seem limited by fears and belief systems I am having a lot of difficulty ridding myself of. I can feel the energy and belief inside in some latent state. Occasionally, it surfaces but I feel as though there's some sort of emotional/mental cage holding it all down - refusing to let me reap the benefits of the potential in us all. G: You are right in seeing the mind as the culprit, the misidentifications. This creates the barriers, the perceived suffering and negative values. What needs to be broken through is mind thought identifications. You do not need to have more created within the kundalini phenomenal happenings that naturally arise within this context. There is in the end no more gain nor lack of energy. It is only your perception that creates this illusion. The Source is Always the Same and Stable in Nature and you are That. !272

S: As an aside, the more I meditate, the more I'm beginning to think it has something to do with the belief system/energy behavior patterns my parents instilled in me (probably without their being aware of doing so). Anyhow, it seems to me that energy is the key to everything and by activating energy it will provoke clearer thought and pave the way for more courageous and natural action. So this is why I think Kundalini might be the answer. Because I feel energy blockages and by practicing Kundalini I may succeed in removing these, no? G: Energy blockages are mind blockages. They are stagnations. They are when something is being resisted, fought against, when acceptance is not there. Let go of the resistances. Embrace life at its core and do the Self-Enquiry. Just live life in the moment. Cherish each moment that arises as it is simply the unfolding of past karma created happenings and your action and re-action set up the next patterns that will emerge. That is all. Surrender all to the Universe and it will work out. Just go forward in Trust. Our lives are perfect as they are in bringing forth the wisdom that is sought. Find the still center within and you will find that there is no longer a within or a without, that ALL of creation is part and parcel of your Being.

Spiritual Emergency S: I am not sure what your name is but I saw your letter on the Shared Transformation Website. I desperately need help. G: i am called by the name Ganga Karmokar and am most willing to help you understand and proceed through this trying time. S: I have been ill with a chronic fatigue condition for a number of years. Recently I was precipitated into an experience that has symptoms of a spontaneous Kundalini awakening accompanied by disturbing schizophrenic type symptoms. !273

G: Let us look at what is happening and unravel it as best we may. Just within all of this do not despair. Take a deep breath and relax as much as possible, although i know that it takes time to balance out when you feel that your world is spinning out of control. S: About 6 weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt as though I was either on drugs (which I am not and never have been) or going completely insane. In rapid succession I felt as though I was different beings: an Indian woman, had a horse’s head, hairy arms, creature with a cloak, etc. Through my terror I heard a voice saying "No you're not going mad. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm trying to show you that you're not the body and you're not the mind. You're something else." G: Hahahahahahhaha.... excuse my levity at this moment but what you heard indeed was a fact. You are other than the physical form or any of the mind identifications and all kundalini experience is in the end there to show you this reality that all within this temporal realm is created and sustained by mind and the identification with being a form, but indeed, when you enter into and experience Realization or Enlightenment which means (blown out) you see directly that this is the case. The Essence or Primal part which is Eternal in nature has nothing to do with personality-form-mind or any of the transient ever changing patterns that you have perceived to be the Self or part of the Self to date. So now once again take a deep breath. If need be (and this is good to do at times throughout the day) just sit back and watch your breathing pattern. Just immerse yourself within it until it stabilizes and is relaxed and fluid, not strained, not heightened as in fast breathing - nor attempted to rapidly slow to almost nonexistent. Just let it slow on its own, the more inward you go the more it will settle and slow on its own accord. S: I have continued to experience the following: Disturbing Symptoms, Disturbed/interrupted sleep. !274

G: Yes, that may happen during this type of a process. If it does, once again, take the time to just settle and go within, relax, even if you do not get your full sleep. If you can go within a meditative relaxed state you will still feel refreshed enough the next morning. S: Feel as if part of myself extends beyond my body - beyond the house - and further. During these times my awareness is still located inside my body. G: Perhaps the awareness is not as connected within the body as you now believe. Yes it is quite possible to have these awarenesses; this is a natural progression to feel that the body is more fluid than what you have thought. The subtle body is more than likely being felt and that can extend out quite far. One time while driving this One was suddenly shocked by the fact that the ocean was being seen although the roadway was located through heavy vegetation. The conscious awareness was unhampered at the moment, as soon as i realized that i was seeing over the trees - it went back to so-called "normal" perceiving and the ocean view was lost. So, yes, feeling the body extending out is possible, also having an increased perception, have experienced both these states. So far so good. While it is unnerving in the beginning, all of this is simply to show you that you are more than you have perceived. Have no fear, just accept it and do not fear nor attempt to cling to any of these rising experiences. S: Feel filled up with pressure - about to burst - with no release - until I phone certain people who meditate for me and this brings temporary relief. G: Yes, that is possible, satsang or being with Truth helps to stabilize one going through this transition if they can relax enough to let go of the experiences and not fear them. S: Feel incredibly light headed/spacey all the time. Sometimes this intensifies to a point where I feel as if I will fly out of my body, disappear, die, fade into nothingness. !275

G: Well, first of all are you a vegetarian? Sometimes, a heavier diet is needed to ground one. Also, while this may feel quite disconcerting at the moment - once again relax. You will not fly out of your body nor be lost into the void and in the end what you experience is exactly this "nothingness.” Although it is not nothingness as you may expect, but the Core of Life – Pregnant with ALL that will ever be within the transient universe. The Core of your identity or life Being is simply This. There is once again nothing to fear. It is this fear of the loss of self which is difficult to transcend for we have taken ourselves to be this stable mass of flesh and thought etc. when we are anything but. In the final analysis we are Eternal Primal Essence that has no individual self-identity at core that is transient within the realm of subtle or gross form. One day you will indeed experience Enlightenment or Realization and will Know the Truth of Being and Life within the Constant/ Transient. S: Feel surges of energy rushing out of my head/ leaking out. This is accompanied by a feeling that everything is insubstantial. G: Yes, all is empty in nature, like the dream at night appearing to be quite real until you awaken in the morning. What you are starting to experience is equal to this, but, instead of seeing it only within the Dream state you are starting to awaken to the reality that it is also so within Life as it is, and, indeed it is. But, there is nothing to fear. Know that the Dream never touches the Eternal Core Purity of Being. It is a transient happening which allows for the experience of touch, taste, duality interaction, emotional experience and response such as love, compassion and all the various experiences termed life. S: Feel dead, totally emptied out, body feels like an object - as dead as a table.

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G: Yes, have also experienced this feeling. The body is an object, it is not who you are and it is a disconcerting feeling when it happens. But, when you enter finally into Realization or Enlightened Awareness, it will pass. You will normalize so to speak not that this is abnormal. It is a part of the process of unraveling what you are not. You are not the physical form, it is a vehicle. This part of the process is very difficult, when you feel like a walking zombie, but it will get better. That i can promise you. There is resurrection coming. Just hang in there. i am so happy that you have written for your experience is one that this One has already traveled and can absolutely state that it will end within a triumph of Spirit and Freedom. S: Feel as though I am “inside” other people. Pick up thoughts that seem not to be mine. Like murderous, angry, evil feelings. G: Yes, also this is the empathic connection. You become very sensitive and can pick-up unintentionally like a mirror of others reflections, feeling their physical and emotional bodies and sometimes it is difficult to distinguish whether it is your own feeling or someone else’s and this is in place to show you that we are inherently All only ONE Being. The only thing that separates us is the mind. When that starts to become more fluid you will indeed find that you are linked absolutely with the rest of the chain of Creation for at the heart of it All is simply the ONE Primal Essence or Core Life Substance and you are THAT minus the personal identity. S: I hear voices which mock, condemn, swear, belittle. G: Yes, this is all of our own insecurities which fly in our faces. They appear to manifest quite real as these disembodied voices, but, it will end once you see through the illusion of it that you are not these misidentifications, when you get over and through what you have thought you are not and all the vain imaginings and fears we have held throughout the ages. All of these may appear until you see through them !277

as simply mind generated fear and insecurities, falsehoods of identifications and fears unfounded. These will indeed end. Just once again see them for what they are. S: Am incredibly sensitive to all sensory input. G: Yes, this will also stabilize. There are some practices which may help if you are interested. S: Moments of clairvoyance. G: Yes, subtle realms entered. But, do not cling to any of these transient unfolding. S: However, accompanying all of this has been a voice providing what may be genuine spiritual experiences and insights. For example, I have directly experienced the lack of fulfillment and joylessness in the world of things, the suffering of the entire world. I have experienced a realization that there is no escape from suffering without a change in consciousness. I have had moments of compassion for the whole of humanity and desire to help other people although I feel incapable of this right now. I have had experiences where I AM everyone/everything. I have been writing down what has come to me as a direct unfolding of spiritual teachings as expressed in the Infinite Way (a spiritual path I have been engaged in). I have been “told” (by this voice) that what is happening to me is simply a belief falling away. G: ALL that you have experienced thus far are part of the path of unfolding. Yes, of coming to the moment where all of your belief structures will be shattered, that will happen within the moment of Nirvakalpa Samadhi or when the senses and body are totally transcended for a time. You will enter within the realm of the timeless of which can never truly be expressed by words. It may only be experienced. It will shatter the beliefs of what you have thought to be yourself and also what is God. One may never truly understand it until it is entered and experienced first-hand and then your whole universe will !278

change. It will be perceived in a whole new light. You will be re-born so to speak. There will be those that will attempt to challenge you for their so-called understanding and awareness is simply intellectually surmised. But your Reality will have been forever altered. ALL that you have experienced is indeed valid and an unfolding to the experience of Self Realization. It has not yet come but it will, Absolutely. As it unfolded for this One it will also unfold for you. S: I have a sense of being controlled/directed by something that is aware of everything about me. For example, it will show me clear pictures from my past. G: The Sat Guru is always within the Heart of your own Being, it will indeed guide you and when you need to have confirmation or validation or a more intimate connection with the Truth of Being it will lead you to the words or experience that you need to have just as it is no accident that you have contacted this One that has indeed experienced and transcended all that you have spoken of within this letter. That is why i may say most assuredly that ALL of your experiences to this point are indeed valid and pulling towards the Reality of No-Self, of finally seeing beyond the veil to the inherent Truth which all the Transient rests within. You will soon discover the Constant Source which makes the transient possible. S: Small details that have not been part of my conscious memory, like mundane thoughts that I had as a small child or a vivid image of a poem I read as a child will be presented to me. This is not a complete list of everything I have experienced. There is too much to write. I desperately and urgently need help. I am overwhelmed by what is happening and no references for this experience. I feel terrified, tortured, that I am going mad and need constant company. I am also unable to take care of myself. I am struggling to cope and feel that there is no end to what I am experiencing - that I will never emerge. And although I am seeing a supportive !279

psychologist who believes that I am experiencing an authentic spiritual awakening, my experience does not confirm this. I live in constant fear and terror and need to connect with others who have undergone similar experiences. Are you able to validate any of my experiences? And do you know of a place (anywhere in the world) that might be able to support me through an experience like this? G: Hahahahahahhahhaha.... well my dear you have reached the One person that indeed KNOWS absolutely what you are experiencing and can tell you to hang in there, that it will come to a point where you will feel totally defeated, totally spent like melted wax poured out. When this happens just submit it all to God and let go. Perhaps one more time the "Great Fear" will rise up, but, just surrender it all on the altar of Truth and let go. At that point you may be pulled into the vortex beyond the self and into the One beyond even one, into the Great 0 or center point from which ALL life and experience unfolds from and returns to, the Constant ever present, and, there is nothing to fear. It is Eternally Pure and Unchanging and you, my dear, are That.

You may wish to read the Vivekcudamani or the Astavakra Gita. They may also help to shed some light. And, feel free to write anytime.

Spontaneous Kundalini Awakening Experience S: I haven't read Bernadette Roberts' book "The Experience of No-Self," but I intend to very soon. I think that I shall find the book very validating. G: Yes that is what happens.... and that is the best when it is simply for validation.... and not used as a new logical theory that the mind knows because it knows "about" .... it is very different "KNOWING" it than knowing about it..... well this is going to be interesting..... !280

S: About 13 years ago I had a spontaneous awakening of my kundalini. If there hadn't been someone with me who knew what was happening to me, I might have thought I was having an epileptic seizure or going mad. G: Ah you were fortunate.... they monitored me for epilepsy for a two week period.... and found out it was definitely NOT epilepsy..... i went through the ringer with doctors and their attempt to categorize what was happening.... hahahaha.... S: My spine arched into an upside down U, and my breathing became very fast. I had been meditating, but I wasn't expecting that to happen. My lungs were like bellows; I couldn't stop breathing like that. My emotions were in chaos; I was laughing, then I was crying. My limbs were shaking; the top of my head was very hot. After a while it calmed down, and I felt quite fine. In fact, I was very relaxed. I had many more episodes of this sort for the next half year. I learned to control the shaking to an extent that I wasn't doing this in public. Strangely, I seemed to have an effect on electrical things such as radios and televisions. Streetlamps would go out or come on when I approached them. G: Ah yes.... i particularly have enjoyed the street light episodes myself.... hahahah.... although people with me gave me rather bizarre looks when they saw it was not a coincidental happening... hahaha.... yes that breathing is why i do not advocate this re-birthing technique as it can bring to the surface many things that people are not ready to walk through yet.... and it has started people’s kundalini activations on occasion... and if you are not ready for it - it can be quite devastating. Arghhh... Every day i help others through, that have had it awakened prematurely and then didn't know how to deal with what was happening. But, that's another chapter. S: I read a couple of books by Gopi Krishna; he had had a spontaneous awakening of kundalini, and in the 14 years that followed he got very ill and almost died before he found !281

balance. I was very worried. I didn't have a teacher or a guide to help me. There weren't any people who I could talk to about this experience who could really help me. Emotionally, I had many unresolved issues, and I had a feeling that my kundalini experiences were going to bring these issues right smack into the middle of my life. G: Yep, that is "exactly" what the kundalini is, and i try to tell people this, that it is not this great blissful experience. It is there to clean out all of the conditionings and fears etc. It puts these things RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, Point Blank and you have to walk through them to find out that they are only self induced illusions. But, at that moment, they are very very real and those that cannot walk through can have very bad psychotic episodes. Some make it through, others do not. At least not in this lifetime, but they will... guaranteed. S: With a couple of years this happened. This part of the story is very long; if you'd like me to tell you more in detail about it sometime I will. A short synopsis will have to do for now. I became clinically depressed, then I remembered that I had been sexually molested by a babysitter when I was a child, I had flashbacks, nightmares. I became suicidal. I went into mental wards- a total of 11 times in 7 years. I lost my ability to sleep. I was anxious all the time. I lost my reputation, my job, my friends. Then I became physically ill with fibromyalgia, migraines for two years, constipation for two years. I was desperate. G: Understand completely, have been there and done that also. Definitely not fun. Also lost my job, depression, went through 5 rapes which resulted in severe PTSD. i can really understand. S: About four years ago, I had a religious conversion. I had been a Baha'i, but I couldn't relate anymore to it. I became a Christian. For the first time in my life, I felt that the Creator

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loved me. As a result of this conviction, I was, for the first time, able to love myself. That made all the difference. G: That can have a great impact on going through all of this. If you can approach it as love instead of in fear, it makes it all much easier. S: I'd always felt close to the teachings of Buddhism; once I became a Christian, the teachings of Buddhism began to make more sense to me. G: Yes, beyond the outer dogma the inner truth is ONE. S: I found it much easier to practice mindfulness. G: This is the great key to moving forward. S: One thing that did stay with me, strangely enough, through all my years of terrible darkness (doesn't that sound so melodramatic?)… G: Not at all. The Christian mystics all walk the dark night of the soul before light is reached. It is part of the path. The path of Christ is walked - all of it. S: …was that when I prayed/meditated - it had to be both at once- I found it incredibly easy to get to this place where everything was as it was meant to be. I wasn't there, but something of me that was aware knew that God/ The Creator had everything just so - Perfect. Before the plunge back into myself and the "OH NO!" It's hard to put into words, but I feel that you know exactly what I mean. G: It sounds that you are within the Merging or Unity phase. You will recognize it when you read the book. If you are back into the OH NO, then there is one last step. You are very very close, but just continue on and it will come. First, there will be the indescribable bliss and then that will settle into the Peace Which Passes all Understanding. You will progress into absolute Calm, and the self will not rise again. You will know that the you is simply emptiness and what remains is Creation. !283

READ the book. It will help you to understand where you are. Still another step. she has another book that is entitled path to no-self, but i find that it is a little drawn out in attempting to place each shift in consciousness into a different categorized cubby hole. Some things in it are good though. S: At this point I am still healing. I am still on disability. My nervous system is extremely sensitive, and I know this. I have healed myself of my colon problems, and emotionally I am getting stronger. I practice mindfulness daily - I practice onepointed meditation - I practice emptiness. I don't practice perfection, but I do practice laughing, a lot. G: Once again, if you are still practicing, you have not completely submitted and there is another step to go. You had an insight, but you still are in the process in coming to actualize, and it will come. Just don't "TRY" too hard. In the attempt, you are defeated. Instead of accepting, you are attempting to create. There is nothing to create but just to eventually submit and rest within. S:I don't have faith, because I don't need it anymore - I know. It's more real than anything in this world I've come across. I still have pain, and questions, and I'm glad for that because I enjoy the journey; I love to learn. G: This is why it is not stabilized. Only when the questions end will you rest totally in the silent mind. If you are enjoying the journey then that is great. Continue on. S: About a month ago I had the experience of seeing Vishnu dance above my computer console- I saw with my other eyesit was so beautiful, and one of his hands held a cord that hooked my heart. What can one do but surrender? It was such an ecstatic experience that memory serves only to help me relive it. And who am I? I am just another human being, but I know I am loved. Do I believe that all paths meet? No. I know they do.

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G: Good you are making GREAT Headway. But, if you are still seeing a manifest aspect then there is still division. There is, once again, another step to go, but you are well on the way. S: I am very grateful. I have written all of this to you because there aren't many who understand my experience and how it all fits together. I just had a sense that you would. Thank you. P.S. Maybe I still need some faith. G: You need some more experience, that is all. It is unfolding. When you come to the precipice of the great unknown and it is time to let go of the ego ideation, (the great ego death) it is the last great fear, then is when you NEED to have total confidence in God to be able to sacrifice on the altar of Truth. You will no longer remain as the personality but God will be ALL, beyond personality and any form ideation. But, this you will discover, all this you will come to KNOW, and then life truly begins. Enjoy the great adventure and have NO FEAR!!!!!

Awakening the Kundalini S1: Someone comes to you. Someone who has not had any previous experience of kundalini. This person, who is perfectly sane, and has no obvious faults, says that he/she has heard about kundalini and wants to awaken it (no one has asked me this by the way, I am just curious). Should this person attempt to awaken it? If so by what methods? Should a Guru be present? Or should the person completely forget the idea altogether? I have read many conflicting opinions on this matter. At one end of the scale you have the people who say "Practice yoga, practice yoga, wake the kundalini up." In the middle you have people who say "Practice gentle techniques, but do not force." Then you have people who say "Don't bother." Some people are even aware of the dangers and say "Who cares about the temporary suffering, in the long run its good," and these people say to awaken it regardless. I would !285

say that person should practice yoga first, not perhaps with the intention of awakening the kundalini, but for general benefits. Although kundalini is more common nowadays, it’s still a very few minority who experience it. And as the guru subject is concerned I don't believe there are simply many good enough teachers around. I heard from a person that the number of good teachers is far less now than there used to be in the ‘60-70s. I don't know if this is true or not, but this person claimed that of the teachers, very few were actually qualified and more were doing harm. But if someone has a great desire to progress then surely that energy can be used in a creative way. That is after all the reason we are here is it not? Of course the argument then turns to what motivations the person has. Some desire powers and such. G: There are reasons why the warnings about kundalini were given, good reasons. Kundalini as a method should only be started IF the aspirant is One, with a realized master – Two, is in a secluded ashram setting – Three, is working with the master - closely. It is not something that should be just haphazardly awakened, especially within this kali-yuga age when most are attempting social lives, work, family etc. etc..... it is not a weekend activity. It is a method to go beyond maya and to see that it is all illusion in the end. Now, this one knows that there will be many that disagree but it must be stated as it is. There are much quicker and painless ways to dispel the illusory nature of maya. Any path can open the kundalini in the appropriate time, it does not need to be forcibly activated. In Self Enquiry, when the time is right, it will activate and complete most naturally without all the drama and pain and confusion of the traditional kundalini path; this is a much safer - saner - and complete way and practice that extends sadhana into the very act of life itself. That is the most complete sadhana, when it becomes your very breath and nonseparate from life. So, please beware of the paths which seem to give more power and mystic adventures. While the !286

adventures may start out fun they can quickly turn into quite devastating mind trips that are difficult to extricate from, and, it is only when you can transcend those practices and see the illusion of them that they are broken through and laid to rest. ------------------------------------------------------------------
 S2: In addition to what Ganga has said, my own feeling is that the awakening of the Kundalini is a most natural thing. Just as it is "normal" to grow and mature from an infant to a toddler to a teenager to an adult to an elderly person, so too is Kundalini a natural process that we are "wired" for. It is part of our anatomy. It is the highest potential of our humanity - to be awakened, God-realized. My sense is that the more we consciously work with our "shadow," the more we meditate and give gratitude to the One, the more we Be Love and Compassion, the easier this process will be. I am not an expert on this, but it seems that some people may have jolted their Kundalini awake through drug experiences and other means, and maybe in those cases the process can be more difficult? The Bush people, the Kung San, of the Kalahari Desert, have many Kundalini experiences. They are a tribe very close to nature, living most likely more in the Now than the average American citizen. In my own case, it seems that I have had mild Kundalini experiences my entire life. I have always been a "mystic," very devotional and interested in spiritual and psychological things, felt little tingles within, bliss, etc. I've always had a passion for God, Truth, Spirit. When I was 16 (I am now 47) I became a disciple of Yogananda and began practicing Kriya Yoga. It has only been the last year that I have strongly experienced "typical" Kundalini symptoms: feeling heat and tingles in me every day throughout various parts of my body, feeling divinely intoxicated as though a sweet ambrosia of love-devotion was flowing through my veins, (sometimes this is so strong that it is hard to want to attend to the material-3D world, as it is most natural to be in a state of prayer and !287

meditation and gratitude to God. I have had to force myself to stop meditating and attend to the physical world. Perhaps as I progress I will be able to hold this level of ecstasy no matter what I am doing, feeling filled with divine electricity that my whole body vibrates, feeling ecstasy like I'm having an orgasm in my heart chakra, feeling "lifted up" in vibrational frequency where I pray for others and can feel their pain, and it feels like my body becomes an alchemical vessel transmuting some of their pain, sometimes it is the pain of all humanity, feeling altered states of consciousness, expanded consciousness, etc. This all began to happen intensely after I was blessed by the healer in Brazil, Joao de Deus (John of God). My own experience of all this is one of tremendous gratitude and joy. I talk to Goddess Kundalini within me each day, thanking Her for being awake in me, asking Her to fully awaken me, feeling such joy with each tingle, vibration, heat, etc., knowing I'm being purified. I also see how subtle the ego is and wants to put its own "signature" on anything it thinks is "good." One thing that I wonder about is that a month before I went to see Joao de Deus, my tailbone began hurting intensely like it was broken. I attributed this pain to the fact I had been sitting in the same chair for 3 hours one morning. It is almost better now, but is still tender at times. My chiropractor assured me it wasn't broken. Is it possible that this broken tailbone feeling had nothing to do with sitting in a chair for 3 hours, but that it was caused by the movement-awakening of Kundalini? I think it is interesting that this pain began a month before my first really big Kundalini experience. I think the most important things are: to love God, love one another, be kind, be honest, and by living this way the awakening of the Kundalini will be a most natural experience. G: The Awakening happens when the time is right if not pushed. When most speak about awakening they are speaking on pre-maturely attempting to push it. To this point, you have experienced the easy side of it and so you speak as you do. !288

But, there are many and there is still to come when it starts working to show the illusion of life and also the breaking of the ego if one truly desires truth. Otherwise, it will take one on flights of fancy and down the various paths of delusion until they see through the game. And, all the realms - astral and such - have nothing to do with finding Self. They are simply plays within the mind of relative experience within the subtle realms and therefore have the appearance of expanded awareness. But, they are in the end simply more extended and rarified plays of mind’s infinite games and creations. When these are transcended and dropped after having spent many perhaps months and years in futile practice. Having found no lasting peace nor bliss, which does not come and go, then do they finally submit and thereby move forward. There are other paths - not simply the path of yoga postures that can and will indeed awaken that conscious energy and will keep it channeled in a smoother direction. The intent and focus and motivation are of prime importance. Within this, it is still (no matter what the external path or practice) a matter of slowing and moving to center, a matter of dropping all we have known or think we know and submitting or releasing utterly and completely into the One. It is a matter of moving into the Silent Stilled Mind beyond thought that, no matter what the avenue, is the Door. When the mind is stilled - and ego (the false identifications) implodes - then Enlightenment or Realization occur. Enlightenment is a good word as its meaning is Blown Out and this is what happens. All your concepts and knowledge and conditionings and sense of being a separate individual with a separate soul identity are simply and utterly BLOWN OUT and what remains is that REALIZATION that you minus you is what IS - the Pregnant Void, Abstract Intelligence, the Non-Moving Constant, the Formless Constant, Absolute Pristine Awareness, Static Life force. This is THAT from which creation stems and returns to and you are THAT!!!! And then there is laughter, for you are not and yet ALL that exists is within and from THAT which !289

you ARE and all the searching was illusion for THAT is ALL that exists. The rest is just icing on the cake - Movements within the Emptiness called experience and Life. S2: Thank you, Ganga. I get a sense of what you are speaking of. Although to this point my kundalini experiences have been blissful and joyful, I have trust that my Guru is with me, guiding me along. Sometimes I do get a fear of the vastness, which is so BIG and at times seems somewhat cold and impersonal. When I am centered in my Heart, and feel the Love and Bliss, I feel at Home. G: Yes, to this point you have been pretty centered, and, this is good. But, wait until the experience is completed before speaking of it in its entirety. This is simply to avoid convincing anyone that it is always a blissful and wonderful journey. When it is naturally awakened within the course of daily natural practice and you have a teacher or guru that is there to help guide you through, then that is another story. But to seek someone to give Shaktipat and then think that you can do it in your spare time, then one just fools himself. This is not a weekend activity. You are on the edge of moving into the vastness, and yes, it is "Impersonal." Therefore, you have held back and gravitate to what is comfortable. But, eventually this will move forward in some way or manner, as within this transient realm it must be until you come to the Center which is ever Still. Just continue on in moving from heart and center, utterly submit in Devotion. You will find in the end that great "Impersonal" that now feels cold is the Center of Being and there is Nothing cold about it. This is simply your concept of it at this point, another illusion of truth or conditioning held. Be willing to let go of ALL conditionings and so-called knowledge and belief structures for the Truth which impregnates them all minus the dogmatic man’s take.

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