In Transit : A Youth Worker's Guide to Navigating a New Beginning [1 ed.] 9780834150652, 9780834150447

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Copyright 2010 by Barefoot Ministries® © 2011 eISBN 978-0-8341-5065-2 Printed in the United States of America Editor: Mike L. Wonch Assistant Editor: Audra C. Marvin Cover Design: Arthur Cherry Interior Design: Sharon Page All Scripture quotations, unless indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version® (niv®). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Library of Congress Control Number: 2010907110

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All my thanks and love go to my family, who have walked with me on this journey of youth ministry: Ron and Gloria Tom, Steve, and Elizabeth My In-laws, the Darsies and Munters Especially: My two sons, Caleb and Josiah And my amazing wife, Maria, who has walked this path with me for more than 13 years.

CONTENTS This Book Was Written for You Acknowledgments The Goal of This Book Part 1  The New Call Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

A Little Nudge It All Starts with a Story Wrestling with the Tension of Potential Change Ask the Question: Should I Go? Responding to the Answer

Part 2  Saying Goodbye—Saying Hello Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

It’s Time to Leave The Arrival: Welcome! New Relationships, New Place, New Everything

Part 3  What’s Next Chapter 9 Developing a Healthy Rhythm in Your Life

Chapter 10 Programs and Structure: What to Do with Them Chapter 11 Essential Teams to Surround Yourself With

Part 4  Hope for the Future Chapter 12 Set Up a Strong Foundation Chapter 13 Say This with Me: Practice the Long View Chapter 14 Practices that Help Sustain Longevity

In Transit Final Thoughts: What Are You Known For? Appendix A  The Interview Appendix B  Being a Candidate Appendix C  Sample Resignation Letter Resources

THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU Consider the following words encouragement as we together journey in this wonderful calling to serve and equip teenagers in youth ministry. This book is written for anyone who might find oneself preparing for a transition into a new youth ministry situation. That might be the college or seminary student who is ready to graduate and venture into their first full-time gig. That might be the intern, ready to finish up their program and move on to a place where they now have the whole scope of responsibility and authority for the students in a church. That might be the veteran youth pastor, who is considering for the first time in years the possibility of moving his or her whole family to a new place. It also might be the waiting youth pastor and/or staff member, who is preparing for someone new to join his or her team and is trying to be intentional about learning everything he or she can concerning the process the new youth pastor will go through. This might include anyone interested in a fresh perspective on transitions. I would love for all of you to consider the contents of this book. I want you to know what an honor it is to be a part of your ministry right now. Thank you for picking up this book and allowing the information contained within to be added to the already abundant things that God is doing in your life. I feel both humbled and honored to have the privilege of speaking into your situation. I come before you hopeful that your transition will be a life-giving time for you and the ministry that God has given you to steward. We are co-laborers in Christ! Our God is a great God who deserves all the credit for the significant ministry of which we have the opportunity to be a part. I am writing this because I have been in all of those situations too. I accepted my first youth ministry position in a small Evangelical Covenant church in Alberta, Canada. At that point I wasn’t finished with my undergraduate degree, but my excitement to be in full-time youth ministry

overwhelmed me, and the opportunity to live the dream seemed much better than school at the time. I quickly learned how little I really understood about youth ministry and working with teenagers. Some time later I would go back to school and serve on a youth ministry staff as an intern in the Denver suburbs. I did this for two years, and in so many ways those two years were the best preparation for me as a youth pastor. After that I jumped into full-time youth ministry and have been doing that now for nearly 16 years. I should point out that I haven’t been in the same church for all of those years. (Here’s a shout-out to Breton, Arvada, Forest Lake, Muskegon, and Prairie Village.) However, I have had the honor of serving in multiple churches and have learned from some successes and a few challenging failures. My experiences are where the contents of this book have stemmed from, and I’m excited to share my story with you.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I believe in the value of community. There are two groups of people I have invited into the conversation. The first group is a collection of youth pastors, pastors, youth ministry professors, and great youth ministry minds who have given me (and hopefully us) great insight and discussion toward the idea of this book. Preceding the writing of this book has been a careful study, discussion, and debate that has formulated the ideas you will find on the following pages. This first community of thinkers includes: Craig Lueck, Nate Severson, Angie Wysocki, Keith Robinson, Jim Dekker, Chris Pappenfus, Carlos Davitis, Russ Carlson, Mike King (thanks for the endorsement, Mike), Dave Diller, Janet Peterson, Kevin Farmer, and my wife, Maria Ciccone. They have all helped shape the forward motion and direction of this book. What a blessing it is to have individuals who are willing to take time to invest in the larger community of youth pastors and youth workers! Thank you! The second group of people includes three voices that speak into this project at a more formal level. Throughout this book you will hear comments taken from these individuals who work in settings that are different from ours. I have asked these people to help us understand, from their context, what transitioning well looks like; specifically for the purpose of giving an outside-the-local-church perspective. Some of them have had past experience in church settings and will be able to see both perspectives well. I’m excited to have them invest in this! Let me introduce them to you: • Brian Peterson. Brian is the senior vice president for Allianz Financial Group, located in Minnesota, and a good friend. • Rod Brenneman. Rod is the president and CEO of Seaboard Food in Kansas City and has much to offer to this conversation. He is somebody I trust very much. • Jay Phelan. Jay is the president and dean of North Park Theological Seminary. As well as being an administrator and professor at a seminary level, Jay majors in preparing pastors to go and serve well. He is a trusted voice to pastors all over the world.

Although you will see glimpses of these individuals’ comments in this book, I have added their entire interviews to the In Transit website at www.relationalyouthministry.com. These two groups of people are very important to this project. Take their words seriously. Their lives are marked by excellence and influence, and we have much to learn from individuals like this. I’m so thankful for their willingness to invest in this project and, ultimately, our ministries. I also want to thank the team at Barefoot Ministries for their excellent and useful help in preparing this book for print. The conversations and editing done together has been a real joy for me. Thanks to Chris, Laurey, Aaron, Mike, Audra, Jason, and Paul. I should mention that the contents of this book include suggestions based on your time between what we call wrestling with a new call all the way through your first 120 days at your new site. You may not be able to follow the advice of this book in all of those situations or in the time frame given. If that is the case, do not lose heart. I believe the suggestions on the following pages are timeless in many ways and are practices you can put in place to help your ministry be effective beyond the time of transition. Again, thank you for being a part of my journey. As I write these words, I am praying that God will bless your transition and that you will truly find joy in this part of your journey with him.

THE GOAL OF THIS BOOK This book is all about foundations. The success or failure of almost all things stems from the quality of the foundation it is built upon. A poor foundation leads to a sub-par experience—something that is weak and, in some cases, even fails. A strong foundation leads to something effective, something amazing, and something you can count on. The spirit of God and the foundation on which it is built shape ministry. The goal of this book is to help you transition into a new ministry setting effectively so you can set up the best foundation possible for exemplary youth ministry. If you can follow this method of transition, you increase the likelihood of a transition that allows you to set down a strong and healthy foundation. If you can take the time in this transition to set your foundation up to be built solid, the next years have great potential to be rewarding and fruitful. Much like worship is always done for an audience of one, isn’t it also true that our ministries only exist to bring glory to the Father? We have the chance to set up a foundation that always points to God. As a youth pastor in a new church setting, your first days will be a significant time of making new connections, listening to stories, telling your story, and enjoying something we call the honeymoon. The honeymoon is a season where you are in love with your new situation (for the most part) and your new situation is so in love with you (for the most part) they think you can do no wrong (for the most part!). Enjoy the honeymoon! It is a great time to fall in love with your new congregation. For some, your arrival will be a breath of fresh air because they have long prayed and hoped for a new youth pastor at their church. For others, your arrival may remind them of a not-so-good ending they had with the former youth pastor or leadership. Your first 120 days onsite will be significant no matter what baggage or attitudes these individuals carry. Some students will write you off immediately based on appearance. Do not take this personally. If you do, your professional career in ministry will be short because one truth always exists in church work: You will

never make everyone happy. For other students, you will be a hero, and they will be ready to put you on a pedestal you really don’t deserve. Don’t step up to that pedestal! Always remember that is not who you are or why you have come to this new place. You have a great opportunity to reflect the humility of following Jesus, whether you are rejected or loved at the start of your new ministry. The significance of this season in your ministry is key for many reasons, maybe none more important than this: Keep your eyes focused on why you are there. It is certainly not to please every person in the church. It is certainly not for the money. I would contend that you are in this place of ministry for the most important reason: calling and obedience. It is the calling of God on your life to be in this place for this time. It is something you and God must work out together. This book is about that calling and obedience that drive us to share in teenagers’ lives about the love of Christ. It is what we must set our focus on these first days in a new site. If you can do that through all the change, all the transition, and all the newness, what a statement you are making for this ministry!

1 The New Call PART

( Transition ) Transition is defined as “movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.” This movement, passage, or change is the place where many of you might find your lives right now. Transition can start in a number of different places. It can happen in expected environments as well as unexpected ones. Take for example the college student who is ready for the day of graduation in anticipation to finally jump into the “real world.” Or what about the seminary graduate who has long labored through the world of theological academia and is now working through his or her own call? What about the youth pastor who is finding that he or she is dealing with an unsettled spirit concerning the present ministry situation? These are only a few of the possibilities that an individual can find oneself in when dealing with transition in ministry. The New Call is all about dealing with that initial time of transition. How do we deal with the tension that can rise up in our gut when considering the possibility of leaving a great place? What do we do if, in seeking the Lord, he calls us to stay? What if the answer is go? How do we bless the community we are leaving? Remember, this book never claims to have all the answers, just thoughts and encouragement as you walk/run/skip/ crawl on this journey.

ONE

A LITTLE NUDGE

When you arrive onsite, one of your first goals should always be to learn everything you can about your new environment. Your new environment may include but is not limited to: O Your new community (city, town, people, place). O The ministry you are responsible for. O The local church. O The life your family will be stepping into. What are the issues your students deal with on a day-to-day basis? What programs, leaders, budget, and so on, are they used to? What are the expectations for you, both personally and professionally? In all these questions, what are the timeless truths beneath all the issues and programs? These timeless truths are the ones you have either experienced in a quality youth ministry setting or have been taught by a wise mentor or professor. They are the truths that have given you a framework for how to do youth ministry. As true as they are, however, they always require fresh methods. Your context will require you to come up with new ways to be effective in your ministry. Just because you are called to youth ministry does not mean you will be an effective youth pastor. My hope is that this book helps you be as effective as you can in those first days as you embrace and balance timeless truths with fresh methods. With that in mind, allow me to give you two nudges as you enter this time of change. These nudges are important to me as a youth pastor and, in my humble opinion, are vital for the success of any youth pastor. They are timeless and vital to healthy youth ministry.

Be Self-Aware With the calling to youth ministry come the responsibility and opportunity to understand who you are. Why has God brought you to this place? What role do you play in the ministry equation? Who are you in

God’s strategy? What’s amazing is that God loves to reveal these things, and even if you think he isn’t, he probably is. The big lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way is this: It is never, ever, about me. It’s always about God. If I had a dollar for every time I messed up because I made it about me, I’d be rich. Listen, it is all about what Jesus says: “Come to ME, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28, emphasis added “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.’” —Matthew 16:24 The apostle Paul says in Romans 12:3, “For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you: Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” This is the theme verse for our book. Paul puts us in our place here, and I love it. God will decide when, where, and how we are to follow him in this calling of ministry. What a great challenge for us. These three verses become a healthy place for us to put our perspective. My goal here is not to tear you down. On the contrary, let us together celebrate that God has asked us to partner with him in accomplishing his goals for the world. What a privilege! This ministry can never be about us, or we will have failed at being faithful to the calling God has given us in ministry.

Enjoy the Journey I love what the word epic means (extending beyond the usual or ordinary, especially in size or scope). I think the journey with Jesus is an epic one. I know it’s cheesy, but you know how you can auto-sign every email? Yeah, I’m the guy who signs his, “The greatest epic is the journey with Jesus . . .” I just love epic moments. I really enjoy movies where epic battles happen, like Braveheart; and epic journeys/conflicts, like Gladiator; and epic courtroom scenes, like A Few Good Men. I enjoy epic moments in music,

like when U2 puts out an album that you know we are going to be listening to 20 years from now. I also like epic books—the ones you pick up and can’t put down. I love epic moments where lives are changed. I have no doubt in my mind that youth ministry is an epic journey filled with epic moments. We have the gift of seeing God do amazing things in teenagers’ lives. We have the privilege of seeing them grow from crazy, immature middle school youth to crazy, immature high school youth! All along the way we have the gift of asking God, “Okay, Lord, what’s next?” My challenge to you is to enjoy it. Enjoy the fact that God chose you to be in this place for this time. Walk with confidence, knowing that he is able to do great things through even us! Find joy in the most challenging of situations and lead with a reckless abandon to find God in all the twists and turns in your ministry life. May that be your epic start during this transition from one ministry to the next.

TWO

IT ALL

STARTS WITH A STORY Change happens. Sometimes it is hoped for, and sometimes it catches you off guard. We share this story together. My story may be similar to yours, or it may be totally different. For a point of reference, let’s share stories for a moment. I love to tell about the way God has moved in my life. Ministry change has happened to me at some very different stages of life.

The First Big Break. The summer of 1993 was an interesting season for me. I had a glamorous job as a “lawn care specialist,” which is a glorified way of saying I cut grass. I lived at home with my parents and was trying to figure out, like so many people at the age of 20, who I was. I couldn’t wait to be in youth ministry, and riding a lawnmower all summer with serious allergies was not helping me accomplish my goals. I had just finished my freshmen year at Covenant Bible College, which was a small school located in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan (yep, that’s in Canada for you geography fans). Part of the program I was required to participate in included a school-wide choir (there were only 51 of us). I’m not sure how good we were, but we had the opportunity to tour that winter and spring. In addition to the singing, we had the opportunity to meet different people in churches all across Canada. One place we visited turned out to be pretty special to me—Breton, Alberta. The senior pastor there was a young dynamic pastor and somebody I immediately connected with. This new relationship would turn out to be pretty significant leading up to the coming summer. At the time, Breton was a farm community made up of 500 people. The town mainly existed to serve as a collaborative hub for the farmers in that area. The Covenant church there had been in existence for more than 125 years, and for the first time in their history, they wanted to hire a second staff member—a youth pastor.

My involvement at Covenant Bible College and my instant connection with the senior pastor and other folks in the church made me an easy candidate for the job. Because of the limited budget the church had for this new position, my age and experience made it possible for the church to hire me. When I got the call that summer about starting in early fall, I jumped at the chance. I couldn’t wait to get involved in full-time ministry and was willing to pause my education for this opportunity. So that August, I packed one suitcase full of stuff and flew to Alberta. My time in Breton was so rewarding and formative. I had decided prior to going there that my education could not wait forever, just a short time. Staying in Breton long was never really part of the plan, and the church supported that. Their goal was to establish a second staff position and provide a healthy environment for teenagers to grow in Christ. Looking back at it now, that church showed me a great example of vision and risk. It’s exciting to see that they continue to have a full-time youth pastor today.

The Internship In 1998 I was a full-time youth ministry intern at a church in Arvada, Colorado. I was also attending Colorado Christian University full time and had just been married. I was trying hard to finish my undergraduate degree and still keep my feet on the ground in ministry. The training I gathered as an intern there was amazing. My wife and I were enjoying the first year of our marriage and trying to figure out what the word married really meant. Then it happened, the possibility of change. We were asked to “throw our name in the hat” for a full-time youth ministry position at my home church in Minnesota. Wouldn’t you know it, after some interviews later and moving through the candidate process, we were offered the job. It was pretty exciting. Through the prayer and counsel of those wiser than us, we accepted the job and moved to Minnesota. This was our first time as a married couple in what we could easily call a ministry transition. It gave us an opportunity to deal with some life tensions we never really even knew existed. For us, some of the tension was based around finishing school the easy way (staying for the one year we had left as full-time students), versus the hard way (drawing out the

process over a few years while only taking one or two classes at a time) if we moved. In leaving Arvada, we were leaving a community of people we loved and who loved us. We had just gone through the amazing experience of being engaged through the entire first year of our internship there, and the church had showered love over us when we were married. We shared some very special life experiences together. How could we leave a place we cherished so much?

Trained, Ready to Serve, and Ready to Lead. After moving from Arvada to Minnesota, we settled in for many years at my home church in Forest Lake. This was a time of rewarding ministry and intense challenge. This was also a time of significant maturation for me as I learned to move from being an intern in a church to a full-time youth pastor. This meant increased responsibility and authority. Ministry seemed to have deeper significance and abundant opportunity. I enjoyed it so much. Getting connected to a group of students in which the Lord had given me the great opportunity to be called youth pastor was a dream come true. Those students were—and still are—very special to me. One of the things that became evident to me a few years into our ministry in Forest Lake was that we probably wouldn’t be there for an extended period of time. Some of the tension may have stemmed from Forest Lake being the area in which I grew up, which had its pros and cons. It may also have been a time of change that the church was going through. I believed it at the time, and even looking back now, God was moving us from one place to another for many good reasons. Even though we had this tension, I had always been taught that the best youth pastors are the ones who stick around. With this belief in mind, there was internal pressure to live up to that philosophy in order to please the many youth pastors I looked up to (as if their approval validated my ministry). Because of this conviction, I fought with that tension and avoided any opportunity for change for quite some time. One weekend Maria (my wife) and I traveled to our denomination’s annual youth pastor gathering in Chicago. Within our first hour there, one of the greatest youth pastors I know walked up to say hello and catch up on life. We had a long history, and it was so good to see him. He informed me that he and his family were leaving their church and moving

to the mission field in Africa. Then he asked me a question that brought all of the tension in my gut to the surface: “Would you consider submitting your name to the search committee at our church?” I felt honored, and at the same time, I freaked out. I told him I wasn’t sure. I said I would need to talk with Maria about it and really spend time praying. We really loved being in Forest Lake and were not looking for another move. Trying to listen to that instinct I mentioned earlier, we decided to step out and see what would happen. God made it abundantly clear to us that it was time to go.

10 Years In In 2002 we moved to Muskegon, Michigan. We would spend the next five years sharing our lives with the students and adults of that community. What a gift! During those five years we adopted two sons, started seminary part time, and moved into our mid-thirties! Muskegon is a tight-knit community in which the people really take care of each other. We feel very much like the Muskegonites are a part of our extended family. We love them so much. It was this deep love that made it hard to say goodbye. However, in 2007 we felt strongly that our time in Muskegon was over. Our current ministry was a healthy one. There were no problems or issues—great relationships across the board and a church that really supported student ministry. Still, we felt that God was ushering us to new church in Kansas City, which is where we live today. I tell you these brief stories to set up the understanding of shared experience. Maybe your story is very different, or maybe your story is eerily similar. Either way, transition happens in people’s lives. The wonderful challenge is to deal with it in a Christ-honoring way. Most of my story represents transitions that generally went well. I was fortunate in these situations. However, we all know of situations where the transition was so difficult it ruined careers and, in some cases, split the church. If you have been an individual who has found yourself in a situation like this, let me give you a word of hope: We serve a God who loves putting things back together. He is the God who restores our souls when we need it most. He is the God who can give you your passion back. My prayer for you is that you would not lose sight of what called you to

youth ministry in the first place. May your life be renewed with a sense of purpose, calling, and definition. God can take even the most challenging situation, the situation with the most horrible outlook, and make it great. After all, he is a great God. Your transition may be moving from the classroom to the church. It may be from one church to another. It may be from the church to the mission field. Whatever it is, it can be a wonderful challenge. In so many ways it really is a step of faith. What an epic journey.

THREE

WRESTLING

WITH THE TENSION OF POTENTIAL CHANGE I think it’s pretty safe to say that no matter what your occupation, background, or life situation, you’re going to be faced with the issue of change. It may be on a large scale, or it may be smaller issues that are only really noticeable by you. Many times in ministry we commend, and rightly so, those youth pastors who have had the opportunity to stay in one location for a long time. Those faithful youth pastors look back and see how God has kept them in the same place for that season of ministry. In almost all of those situations, however, change inevitably happens. When it does, some sort of tension almost always precedes it. The word tension often emits a pretty negative vibe. People say the word and immediately start thinking about headaches, stress, and other negative imagery. I would argue that the word tension really isn’t that bad. Is it possible that tension can be pointing to a potential negative situation that needs fixing? Or to say it another way, could tension be a barometer indicating that something needs to change? I’m fairly positive that a certain amount of tension exists in every ministry situation, no matter who you are or where you serve. However, the mere existence of tension certainly isn’t a green light to leave. That being said, it is possible that wrestling with tension could very well be wrestling with God’s plan for your life. If that’s true, how do you do it effectively? How do you wrestle with this tension and be obedient to the calling God has on your life, including the current place you are located? There may come a time in our lives, when dealing with tension, that we humble ourselves and submit to what God may be saying in the middle of that time. A healthy acknowledgment of God doing something in our lives goes a long way. Fighting the tension and trying to direct our own paths may be taking away from this part of the journey God wants you to travel.

Reflect . . . “So many view tension as something to brace for—God uses it to shape us. Bracing is like fighting against the challenge to change.” —Jim College and seminary professor

Indicators for When It Might Be the Time to Leave At about year four in our ministry in Muskegon, my wife and I started asking a similar question: “What’s next for us?” I had been taking seminary classes part time, and the addition of children to our lives (one of the greatest gifts ever) was making studies difficult. In addition to that, I went through a mini identity crisis in which I was questioning whether I was called to youth ministry for the long term. (The answer, which I’m glad to inform you years later, is still yes.) That tension led us to ask the question, “Is it time to leave?” A year later, we had the answer. Although we didn’t move to seminary full time, we did see that God had been preparing us for a change. This was an incredibly difficult situation in many ways. I was living out the dream of ministry in a place I not only loved but also a place where I was loved. Part of that tension came when, during that fourth year, I went to the leadership of our church with a proposal that would, in my mind, really change our youth ministry to become more effective. It wasn’t met with the reception I had hoped. This was difficult for me. It’s true that our proposals, no matter what they are, will not always be accepted and put into practice. During this time I was dealing with all the questions I mentioned earlier, and it had created a sense of tension in me that I could not ignore. Just a short time later, a friend I had grown up with alerted me to an open youth ministry position in his church. I had dreamt of ministering alongside this friend, and the timing of all this seemed to be something my wife and I should really pay attention to. As we discussed and prayed, we started to sense that one dream was starting to die and another was starting to come true. I believe grief is part of the process when wrestling with tension. In many situations when we leave a place, there is a natural response to grieve. However, this time of grieving brings the potential of a new dream, and

that brings celebration. We grieve and we celebrate. With transition, both grief and celebration exist and play a big part in the way in which God shapes our lives. I would like to address the question, What are the indicators for when it might be time to leave? Before I do that, enough can’t be said about what God does through our lives in ministry. Even in the most challenging situations, which are potentially the easiest to leave, God will use people who are willing to be used. God does things beyond anything we think we can do or are gifted to share. We have to remember that the best moves are to something, not from something. If you find yourself in a situation where you are eager to leave, don’t let the emotion of that situation dictate your decision. Maybe a rule of thumb is for us to say, If at all possible, stay where you are. If we start there, then we can move with God, wrestle with this tension, and use wisdom instead of emotion. That healthy understanding of tension is part of the foundation for transitioning well.

Reflect . . . “As you evaluate the move, what do those closest to you say? Do they see that you are ready for a move?” —Keith Minnesota pastor and former youth pastor

I think different indicators exist for when a youth pastor may leave a church. This isn’t a total list by any means. However, in my ministry experience, here are some of the situations I have observed. Some of these I have even experienced myself.

The ceiling Have you ever seen a really tall person walk into a house that wasn’t built for really tall people? They must always walk hunched over so they don’t hit their head on a doorframe, lights hanging down, and so on. It’s pretty uncomfortable and probably not a place that said tall person would live. It is not this person’s fault; being tall is who he or she is. That’s a pretty funny way of talking about ministry vision, but it is true that sometimes visions don’t match up. Your vision might be a more evangelistic one than the church you are serving in is comfortable getting behind. It may be that the church is asking you to build your program in

such a way that you’re not really wired for. It could be that God has laid on your heart a huge passion for a certain vision but has not really given that same vision to anyone else in your community. I think in reading these words, we immediately want to justify the vision God has given us with the community we are in. I’m sure in many situations ministry vision will match up, but God equips people for different purposes. Gifting and calling sometimes match up, and sometimes they don’t. The reason you are hitting your head on the ceiling might be that you are serving in a house that wasn’t really built for you. Maybe things were congruent at the beginning, but after some time, they began to split apart. That’s okay! Having a different ministry vision is not necessarily a bad thing, and in most situations, one is not better than the other. This might be a reason for a youth pastor to leave a church.

If your spouse says We probably don’t need to say a lot about this, especially for those of you who are married! When I was single I had a number of married youth pastors mention this truth. I heard it, acknowledged it, and tucked it away for when I would need this little nugget of wisdom. After I was married, I soon learned that God most always speaks through my wife before he mentions it to me! There have been times when she started the process by asking the question, “Should we go?” There have been times when I was confident God was using her to tell me whether we should accept a specific job. Obviously this is a deep level of community that cannot be overlooked. If your spouse is feeling the right sense about your job at a specific church, odds are, you’re in the right place. If not, better start praying for wisdom!

Reflect . . . “Dreams and visions for ministry: What are they and where can they come to fruition? What role did God design for you to fill? Has your purpose been fulfilled where you are, and is there a new task at hand someplace else?” —Maria Youth pastor’s wife and small group leader

Plateauing Simply put, reaching a place where forward effectiveness and growth are just not happening. This can happen in ministry and may be a reason to decide to leave. This is a tough one for youth pastors to admit. To acknowledge that you are plateauing is a pretty humbling. Most youth pastors—me included—have this thing that makes being humble a real challenge . . . the ego! However, this is honestly a legitimate reason to take a hard look at what’s best for the church, the youth ministry, and yourself.

Reflect . . . “There are people who will perceive a plateau that is self-imposed—and they could move beyond it—but because they are unwilling to communicate or push through their own stuff, they excuse themselves from the ministry context (the tension) and move. A move in this case actually reinforces their ministry dysfunction.” —Jim University and college professor

Plateauing can happen because of personal abilities (for example, you may have learned all you can learn in this role), structure (there is no way to advance in this current role and location), or program fatigue (I have done this cycle of ministry too many times). In addition to that, you may be straining to maintain unspoken expectations that finally wear you down. We could consider this an emotional plateau because you simply don’t have the resources to keep it up. You may find a spiritual director to help you re-vision your life during this time, or you may give serious consideration to moving.

Personality Let me say just a few words about personality traits. Some people love change while others loathe it. Some youth pastors will jump at a chance to leave a current situation when another opportunity arises. Others will be so against change that they won’t even give it a second thought. The problem with these two types of people is that they live in the extreme. Just because you have another job opportunity doesn’t mean you should take it. However, just because you have been in the same place for a long time doesn’t mean God won’t move you. Wisdom and discernment are key.

Abuse It’s too bad we have to talk about situations in churches where youth pastors and their families are abused. There is a lot of pressure on those who have given their lives to ministry. I’ve never really seen a situation where any one person can be all things to all people. When you can’t please everyone, sometimes things happen where a steamroller comes through and flattens a calling and mission in a person’s life that can only be put back together by the tender love of God. I know of a church (we probably all do) that over many years has had a revolving door of youth pastors come in and out. I can’t think of any two years where they had the same youth pastor. In a few of those cases, the youth pastors made some critical errors that cost them their jobs, but in most of the situations the church abused those individuals to the point where they had no choice but to leave. The church marginalized the youth pastors’ leadership so much that they became empty figureheads—that is to say, the church had youth pastor with no authority to go along with the responsibilities given. The youth pastors’ spiritual lives suffered, their families suffered, and ultimately, the students of that church suffered. Even though you as a youth pastor have been called to a life of service, don’t forget the responsibility you have to spiritually care for yourself and any family you may have. The well of spiritual refreshment must have the substance of Christ and the Holy Spirit from which to draw from to be able to give to anyone else. A sacrifice for a person’s life (John 15) is much different from sacrificing the gifts you have been given for a congregation or leadership that abuses the power and authority that is over you. There is a great truth here that needs special attention: If you leave because of abuse, your church may eventually forget you and the situation, but your family and friends will not. Your family will remember the way you were abused and the way you suffered, and possibly, or more likely they have suffered too. Be true to God and the calling that is on your life. I pray for you and your commitment to those students. You have given so much to them. Know that God can provide for them in more ways than we understand. If you are in an abusive situation, it may be time to go.

When Is It Time to Stay? We’ve mentioned a few reasons that might be green lights for a youth pastor to leave a church. However, what about situations that may be challenging but not necessarily situations a youth pastor should walk away from or walk away to? Let’s look at a few of these situations:

When you think the grass is greener Leaving a church for what you perceive to be a better place is never a good reason to move. The hard reality is that the grass is usually not greener on the other side. The more you think that someplace else is better, the more you are robbing God of his glory through you. If you decide to leave a place because of adverse circumstances, read Acts 16; then reconsider. In reality, you don’t have it too bad. You probably should tell yourself to get over it and go and serve the people you’ve been called to pastor.

Bigger is not better I have a friend who loves his job as a youth pastor at a mediumsized church. He is a well-known youth pastor in his community and a gifted and talented individual. I respect this guy very much. His ministry dreams and vision for teenagers are amazing. One day he told me of a unique situation he found himself considering. He had been asked to interview at one of the most well-known churches in the nation. After a great interview he was offered the job. His youth group would have quadrupled. He probably would have been paid more. Who knows the publishing opportunities and speaking engagement offers he would have had. Yet he quietly said, “Thank you, but no thank you.” Through the process he realized and renewed his own call at the church he currently was serving in. Even though that mega-church was appealing and quite an honor to consider, his heart was for the place that God had brought him to first. He stayed true to what he believed to be the call of God on his life in that specific place. Maybe that needs to be said of you too. You might be a youth pastor in a church with 20 students, trying to decide if you should move on to something larger. You may also be in the medium-sized church looking to go mega. I’m not saying you shouldn’t leave for another place. What I am saying is that if the only reason you are leaving is for bigger and better, check yourself because that just doesn’t seem to be the way God operates.

Because of a family situation You might have a situation where your family is in a season where leaving is just not an option. Maybe this situation is related to your kids’ schooling, a wedding you’re planning, health reasons, or maybe it’s even a small group that is extremely important to you. The human element in this says that we care more for the people around us than for our present circumstances. If it is better for your family for you to stay, this may be a reason to do so.

Because of a church situation This is a tough one because odds are, if your church is hurting, so are you. However, sometimes this means an opportunity for you to consider staying. There will be times when a youth pastor leaving a church can be devastating. Christ calls us to love the church; although you may sense that you are being called away from that particular place, it may not be now, for the sake of the health of the people there. The challenge your church is going through is like a long tunnel, and you may do so much good by waiting to see the light at the end of it.

Because of failure We all mess up. We all make mistakes. We all fall short. Thank God for his grace and unconditional love. Be thankful that it is God who is perfect in us and not anything from our own work that we can boast. Failure is a part of life. It’s a part of maturing. It’s a part of leadership. It’s a part of learning. It’s not a reason to leave. I respect the fact that people have life verses, but I’m not sure that I have just one. If I were pushed to reveal which verse is potentially the most significant to me, I would probably say James 1:2-4. You know, the whole, “Consider it pure joy when you face challenges of many kinds” verse. These last 15 years of youth ministry I’ve learned to make that my hymn. What can I learn from this present challenge? How is it changing me, helping me grow, and moving me closer to God? I have a friend who said that nothing is perfect this side of eternity. Often, we look at a program that flopped or students who left our ministry because we weren’t there for them as a reason to leave. However, maybe we need to look at those situations as teachable moments in our

lives. Instead of being reasons to leave, these moments become reasons to stay and grow. Probably the best compliment I’ve ever received has been when someone has thanked me for being a learner. I wish I learned something in every situation, but that’s just not true. I’m working on being a learner and trying to use every failure and challenge as a moment to grow instead of letting it turn into a frustration that defines the emotional place I am in. God can take these challenges and use them for his glory. If we surrender those challenges to him, he makes them great values in our lives. A S SE S SMEN T QU E S TIONS :

1. What epic moments have you had in your life in the last 10 years? How did you know they were life-changing moments? How does this time in your life resemble those past epic moments? 2. We talked about wrestling with the tension of a possible transition. List the tensions that seem prevalent in your ministry and life right now. Then ask yourself: a. Is there a ceiling? b. How does your spouse feel? c. Are you plateauing? d. Is their a personality conflict getting in the way of ministry around you? e. Does abuse exist in your ministry context? 3. What about your motivation to leave? a. List ways where bigger isn’t always better. b. Is either your family situation or church situation in a place of hurt or dysfunction? How can it be redeemed? c. What lessons have the failures in your life taught you? Are those lessons for the benefit of your current situation or a future youth ministry context? 4. Throughout all of this, how is God shaping your call to youth ministry? a. In what ways are you becoming the youth worker God wants you to be? b. In what ways are you getting in the way of what God wants to do through you?

FOUR

ASK

THE QUESTION: SHOULD I GO? It’s fair to say that this potential transition is going to push and shape your self-identity. You will question yourself when making such a big decision. It’s going to happen—accept it. The key is to allow God to determine your identity. We will be talking about this throughout the entire book. However, we need to take the time here to make it clear: Your first step in a healthy transition is determining who God has called you to be in the context of youth ministry and where he has called you to do it. After that, the next logical step is figuring out situations in which a youth pastor might stay or leave a church and discerning whether you are in one of those places. This is the time when the youth pastor takes a deep breath and asks the question: Is it time for me to leave? I think in general, the idea of change sort of freaks people out. They see the unknown of their future and get either a little or a lot nervous. It really depends on a person’s personality. Change in many ways can be a good thing, depending on your situation. However, change is rarely good for change’s sake. What sort of person are you? Do you fear change? Let me make this next point clear: Every aspect of transition and change from one ministry to another requires faith. Faith in a God who created the universe; the God who dances over our lives; the God who forgives; the God who holds our lives in the palm of his hand. This is the God we have faith in to help us land on our feet through transition. His guidance, clear calling, and strength are the cornerstones of ministry change. I pray that you would experience all of the fullness of those gifts. So how do we go about making this decision well? How do we wrestle with this tension, evaluate the situation we are in, and ask the question if it’s time to leave in a God-honoring way? Let’s outline a few things that might help:

It’s Okay to Ask the Question First, take the pressure off yourself for even asking the question. It’s pretty natural for you to experience times when you might rewrite your résumé! Don’t feel guilty for considering the question of leaving as if you have betrayed God and your church. Maybe in asking the question, you will find that God calls you to stay (we will mention more on this later), or maybe the answer will be to go. Either way, the first step is to feel okay asking the question, with this disclaimer: Be open to the answer. If we truly are going to start the journey of seeking out our ministry future at our current location, it’s important that we open ourselves up to God and others for wisdom and discernment. I’ve seen a lot of youth pastors ask the question only to have their own agendas dictate the outcome of the situation. Many times those situations don’t end well for anybody. It’s true that our agendas might be God given, but to honor the purity of really following God’s calling to stay or go, we must find it in ourselves to be active listeners. After we’ve done that, the next step is to move on to one of the most significant spiritual practices.

Pray, Pray, Pray My father is one of the wisest men I’ve ever met. Like many from his generation, he was taught that you don’t get anywhere without hard work. I’m glad he passed that down to my siblings and me. He’s spent a lifetime in retail trying—and succeeding—to give our family more than he had growing up. There were years when his effort was easier than others, and there have been times in our lives when I remember him working very long days just to try and get ahead. I appreciate so much the hard work that he and my mother put into our lives, and the way they provided for us was so loving. I’m blessed to have great parents. It’s because of this respect and commitment that I feel a sense of comfort bringing my life issues to my dad for discussion. I love asking my dad advice for this thing or that, significant issues or small things, advice on parenting, or even advice about baseball cards. My dad loves me. He loves to invest in the lives of my family. For me not to honor him with the details would rob him of the investment he’s made in me all these years.

Is it any different with God? God, the creator of our DNA, loves to talk with us. Not just that, but his desire is to be a part of every decision we make. We can’t make this decision without him. We can’t move forward in transition unless we have his blessing. This is where prayer comes in. Everybody has a posture of prayer that works best for them, but let me encourage you to give one form of prayer a try: the silent retreat. A couple of years ago one of my mentors challenged me to embark on a 48-hour silent retreat. This is a time away from my life just for me and God to spend time together. I’ve always visited a local Bible camp, but I’ve heard other friends of mine mention that they have enjoyed quality time at monasteries, remote cabins, and so on. My only encouragement would be for you to get away from the busyness of your life. What an opportunity you may have in the midst of seeking God’s guidance for the future! A time when you can get away and spend 48 straight hours with God—listening, talking, and worshiping. Spending time with God is not just a great decision as you move through transition; it’s a necessary one.

Seek Wise Counsel If you have a situation you are considering leaving, or if you are considering an opportunity that has come your way, it’s always a good idea to seek the wisdom of those who have walked this path before. These would be individuals you trust, who can hold this information in strict confidence and have an unbiased opinion about your present situation. One of the things I’ve always tried to make a priority in the different places I’ve lived is creating a significant friendship with a group of individuals outside the church I was working in. We spend so much time with the adults and students in our own churches. For me, spending quality time with other youth pastors, guys from up at the gym, and many others has always been extremely helpful and sustaining. In addition to those outside the church, there may exist a few individuals you trust enough to have this discussion with inside the church as well. If you have these relationships in your life, this process may be a much more rewarding experience. It is true that we must be careful whom we let into this conversation. Some might even say that you can never have the conversation about leaving with someone in your church. That may be true in your situation, but if given the opportunity with people who can

be trusted and keep confidence, great support and wisdom could come out of your relationship with them. Seeking wise counsel is also a reason we have mentors. The big decisions in our lives often need someone else’s input to help us discern what is best for our lives in and out of the church. I can’t imagine walking along this path of ministry without the guidance of a select few who have walked this path before. If you really trust these people, and I hope you do, what a great step of faith in God using community to speak to you! Lay down your call in front of your mentors and allow them to speak into your life. Odds are, if God is in this decision, he will convince more people than just you. In every situation I’ve transitioned, I’ve always found the affirmation of those wiser than me to be helpful in the decision-making process. The other side of that is true as well. That is, the times I’ve found myself trying hard to convince another person of an idea usually meant that it was my agenda and not God’s. However, with community and mentors comes accountability to the commitment you’ve made to the calling on your life. Take time to allow a select few on the inside of this decision, and you won’t regret it.

Consider the Cost Whenever you leave one place to go to another, there is a great cost that comes with that decision. The cost may be worth it. Yet to truly understand that decision, we must consider the cost to the different people and programs that our lives intersect with. Consider these examples:

Family Whether you are single, married, have kids, no kids, no pets, pets, and so on, there are significant decisions that need to be considered when moving to a new place. Consider your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles; how will they handle the change and distance you will experience by leaving? What kind of community will you be moving to? Will it be a community where your current life situation is embraced and edified? What would it look like to move your children from one school to another? What about your spouse’s job?

There will be no one more impacted by your decision than your family. The church you leave will move on. However, your family will live with your decision. Choose wisely!

Friends I’m not so much speaking of casual friends in this section but rather your closest spiritual friends. That is not to say that casual friends are not important, but for me, close friends are irreplaceable. In the last 10 years we’ve moved twice, and both times, the first six months in the new location were near depression for me because of the loss of those close buddies of mine who were now physically gone in my life. Consider that friendship takes years to cultivate. Leaving those friendships you have worked so hard to develop will take a toll.

Church Let’s talk about this in two categories: adults and students. Students will struggle greatly with your decision to leave. There most likely will be a feeling of confusion and, for some, a sense of betrayal. This may be unwarranted, but you can’t take away from how they feel. Teenagers at times can be extremely fragile (okay, most of the time), and your encouragement toward them will go a long way. You must navigate toward conversations that lead to healing and wholeness. You must avoid letting any frustration or confusion turn your departure into something it shouldn’t be about—you. If this move is something you believe God has ordered, don’t be ashamed to say so. Be confident in the changes God is making in your life. The adults of your church will usually take the news much better than the students. Many of them are waiting for you to “graduate” from your role as a junior pastor anyway (just kidding, but not really . . . okay, just kidding). Still, allowing forums and conversations for understanding and sharing tears is a great thing to do with all the people of your church as you transition out of that community.

Program What about the youth ministry program you have worked hard to set up these past years? What will be the cost to that program with your departure? Have you set up your program to be centered around you and

your personality, or have you built something that has multiple people investing in it whether you are in that place or not?

Credibility There is no getting around the truth that once you leave, you start over. Starting over is not a bad thing at all. When you leave a community, your longevity and credibility start over, to some degree. Consider it. This chapter asks a lot more questions than it answers. I hope that’s helpful for you. I find that asking good questions most of the time is better than having a bunch of okay answers. Making this decision well is a process of many things that come together. After we’ve honored that process, we have the luxury of knowing that God, who is faithful to care for his children, will provide. The next step? Listen for the answer.

FIVE

RESPONDING TO THE ANSWER

You’ve done it. You’ve asked the question, and you’ve followed the process of seeking out God and others; now you are listening for the answer. Your gut feeling might be one leaning way or the other. You start putting the pieces together from what you sense God leading you to, what others have said, and what looks like a wise decision. You begin to move forward; however, the direction you travel depends on the answer.

What if the Answer Is Stay? Isn’t that just like God to take you through a process that would eventually lead you to firmly feel that you are called to stay in this place at this time? Good! Thank you, Lord, for your guidance and answer to prayer. But what now? How do you look at your current situation with fresh eyes? What things could possibly change because of your recent journey into a potential transition? Well, if you truly believe you should stay, maybe these ideas can help.

Fresh start A fresh start is a lot more than just a change of location or title. It’s a lot more than a new home, a new office, or new friends. I would suggest that a fresh start is all about a new perspective. Maybe your old perspective has run its course. Maybe the way you looked at your job in the church was flawed and needs to be adjusted. Maybe it’s just time to reboot your previous view and perspective. Your perspective dictates your actions. Whatever direction your perspective is pointed, that’s the direction you will lead. Sure, there may be parts of the old perspective that need to transition into your new one, but how can you make a new start and a change for a new beginning? To some degree, you can view this as a time to completely update the way you address your calling, your job in the local church, your personal life, your family life, and your connection to God. Why not? What do you have to lose? I have a lot of respect for those who take time to reinvent

themselves for the sake of effectiveness, health, peace, and longevity. Your soul searching may have been for this very moment—when you reboot, turn more of this calling over to God, and start journeying with fresh legs to walk, fresh ears to hear, fresh eyes to see, and a fresh heart to love.

New vision We all have defining moments in our lives. These are times that change us. They are situations or events that push us in ways we’ve never been pushed before. Graduation, marriage, the birth of a child, and so on, can all be these types of situations. Why not now? You’ve just wrestled with a pretty intense time of soul searching, and this could be the time that gives you a new vision. Vision is defined as “the act or power of imagination” and “mode of seeing or conceiving.” Wow! I’m sure you don’t need a gut check to have a time of new vision, but it sure doesn’t hurt. Use this time as a springboard to dream up ideas that could be the fuel for your forward motion for the next years to come. With new vision comes new energy. With new energy comes new excitement. With new excitement comes new motion. Don’t do this alone, but gather two or three other vision-type thinkers and dream away. They never have to know that you have contemplated a change, just that your motivation is to re-vision your current situation.

New methods Maybe one of the reasons you were considering a transition was a result of some sort of unhealthy tension that exists between you and some other entity around you. It might be in relation to your boss, an issue with a family, or even a location disconnect. There comes a time in our lives when we must be able to see past the challenge of those tensions and deal with the heart of the issue. Sometimes—most times—that starts with a careful examination of ourselves. Maybe one of the changes that needs to be made in your life is the way in which you conduct your ministry. New methods for you could have multiple solutions. You could bring more people around in accountability and encouragement. Maybe you add leadership at the student ministry level. Maybe you change your office hours. Maybe you work harder at being organized. Maybe you work less. I’m not sure what your specific situation calls for, but new methods can be a huge help for reestablishing momentum. New methods, if used

correctly, can be a launching pad to a healthier and more rewarding situation around you.

New role If the answer is stay and you renew your commitment to your present location, maybe it’s time for you to consider a new role. There are times when youth pastors decide to leave youth ministry. There are times when they take on more responsibilities. There are times when they start to change their roles to look more like what God is doing in their lives. This could be what you are experiencing right now. As you work through the staying process, ask as many evaluation questions as you can. Enjoy the opportunity to remove previous visions and methods, and replace them with fresh ideas and dreams. This truly will be a great time of growth for you. Enjoy it.

What if the Answer Is Go? Somewhere in this process, it is likely that you will go through some sort of interview with a new ministry. Now, I’m certainly not saying that the only reason to leave your current situation would be for another job. However, history reveals that many youth pastors do move from one church to another. Because of that fact, I’ve included in Appendix A a few thoughts about the interview and in Appendix B, a few more about the candidate process. Hopefully both of these tools will help you wade through those important times. So now we know. The reality has been revealed, and it is time to leave. Now what? Hold on tight because things are about to get interesting. This will be a wonderful and challenging time. Having been faithful to what you are called to do, if God calls you out, how can you say no? It’s now time to move forward, and with that comes the process of leaving.

Reflect . . . “You can’t discount your basic gut feeling about the decision.” —Angie California pastor

Before we do that, please take some time to read through these scriptures. Maybe you read through them once, or maybe they are a part of

your quiet time with the Lord throughout this entire journey. May they bring you peace and the knowledge of the strength of the Lord. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” —Romans 15:13 “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” —Psalm 29:11 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 4:4-7 “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” —Jude 1:24-25 Peace be to you, my brothers and sisters. The process of leaving a church is never really an easy thing. It is a delicate time. The leaving youth pastor has a great chance to set up the future of his or her current ministry for great success, if these next days are handled well. If the leaving youth pastor handles that process poorly, it can be difficult for a church to recover quickly and be ready for the next youth pastor. You owe it to the church to leave well. You owe it to your calling as a pastor to leave well.

Leaving Well Goals and Principles

Walk slowly, Walk humbly Sorrow is an unfortunate way to discuss leaving. However, for some, that will be exactly how they feel. Your departure will be to some degree

a tragic event for certain individuals and a heavy thing for the church to handle. Walking slowly affords you the frame of mind to take the time to be with people. Slow down your schedule, slow down your speaking, do a lot of listening and hugging, and walk with people through whatever process of grief they might go through. Walking slowly also allows you the opportunity to grieve yourself. As the announcement begins to unfold that you are leaving, allow yourself to minister to people and to be ministered to by them. Walking humbly is a necessary action for every believer. In this time, when some may have the feeling of betrayal or frustration with your leaving, be as humble and gentle as possible, even if harsh words are spoken at or about you. People can say the worst things when they feel hurt, especially students. Most likely it will be difficult at first for some to accept your leaving. A time for celebration with these people will come, and love can easily rise above the hurt of saying goodbye. However, at the beginning of your departure process, walk slowly with people, and display that humble and gentle spirit Jesus calls us to.

Communicate well There is no doubt that communicating well in ministry is a key for success and effectiveness. The same can be true in most situations in life, such as friendship, marriage, employments, and so on. During this time of transition, great communication takes on a life of its own. It is the building block behind leaving well. Quality communication can make the transition effective or derail it altogether. Here’s a step-by-step approach to communicating your leaving well: 1. Spouse: If you are married and your spouse needs to be told that you’re leaving, you are in trouble. I strongly encourage you to bring your spouse into as many facets of this process from start to finish as possible. The reason I list your spouse first is that he or she plays an incredibly significant part in communicating well. Plan this process out with your spouse, and you will find that it’s better to walk this journey together rather than alone. 2. Family: This includes children, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everyone else. There is no doubt in my mind that your children need to be a part of the process with you. Our

children were still very small when we left Michigan to move to Kansas City, so it made that part of the move easy. However, when your children are older, your move impacts them greatly as well. I’ve heard a number of youth pastors say that their decision to leave was a family decision. If the entire household wasn’t for it, it wasn’t happening. I’ve also heard from others that the parents made the decision then helped the kids get on board. My suggestion is to respect them by bringing them into the possibility early on. The whole-family communication plan is really about respect and honor. Actually, we could easily say that about the entire communication plan. People want to know that you respect them enough to bring them on the inside of your plans to leave. You show them honor by communicating with them well. Each family, I’m sure, will communicate differently, but in whatever you do, do it in a way that shows respect. 3. Senior Pastor: I label this section assuming that the senior pastor is the person you would call “boss.” If that’s not the case, go ahead and take a pen and write the name of your own boss over the top of that heading. Either way, the first person I would sit down with to communicate my departure is my senior pastor. (There may be other staff in your context whom you may need to talk with before that, but the earlier you bring your senior pastor into this conversation, the better off you will be.) When I made the decision to leave Muskegon, one of the hardest conversations I had was with my senior pastor, who is still a very good friend of mine. I didn’t want to let him down. We had a great relationship, and I hoped he would understand why I was making this decision and support me in the move. I’m not sure what else I thought he would do other than support me, but I hoped for a significant conversation that made sure he knew how important to me he was as well as how much we loved the church. I broke the news to him over a cup of coffee. During our conversation, we some shared tears and, after the shock wore off, started to strategize. We both wanted good things to come from this situation. I immediately felt a sense of support and encouragement. We worked together on how we would communicate with the larger

church body. I made sure that in the weeks to come, he knew most every step I would take. I’m not sure if I did that perfectly, but my hope and goal were to make sure he felt respected as an important part of my life and calling. One more question needs to be asked concerning your senior pastor: What if he or she is the problem? This poses a question many youth pastors have asked in their time in the church. Your relationship with your senior pastor is so significant that it can keep you in a church for a long time or end your ministry there quickly. If this is the situation you are going through, take the high road by respecting them and showing the church what it looks like to leave with grace. 4. Church Staff and Student Ministry Volunteers: Both of these groups have always played a huge part in the success and support for ministry in my life. Because of this, I’ve always tried to communicate my plans for the future face to face with them. These are co-laborers and may have been hugely supportive of your ministry. In addition to their value, they can also be great assets in communicating well the story of your departure. Allowing them to hear the process you went through in seeking the Lord in this decision is something that will help them retell the story over and over again. Bring them on the inside, and you’ll enjoy the fruit of their support. 5. Students/Parents/Church: This is a tricky. On the one hand, I feel a sense of family with students, which makes me want to communicate with them first. However, through situations that I’ve both observed and been in, I think it is best when families find out together. The initial shock of the news is always difficult and challenging, but it helps when a family can digest it together. The process in communicating with a mass number of people certainly depends on your church’s communication structure. For me, a personal letter to the entire congregation—from me—always seemed to be the best route. I would try to have the letter arrive on a Friday so that on Sunday in youth group and at church I could address the congregation and start the process of healing and transition. I always felt that having the weekend to digest things would be good. I’ve included a sample letter in Appendix C as a resource.

Certainly you can customize that letter however you would like. It needs to sound like it’s coming from you and no one else. The most important thing in your overall communication plan is to show people honor, respect, and love.

When do I leave? (Or) How long should I stay? After being in youth ministry for 15 years, I’ve seen many pastors and staff members come and go. The weeks before a pastor’s last day can be awkward because everyone knows they’re leaving soon. There is one phrase that really grieves my heart to hear anyone say in relation to that pastor leaving: “They’ve already checked out.” I hope nobody has ever said or will ever say that of me. I don’t believe in that at all. However, how long should you stay after your resignation is announced? Each church will potentially have a different policy and/or procedure that they expect you to follow. A good place to start is checking with the church’s policy manual (or whatever it is called). Next, I would make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page with the transition and that you have taken into consideration what the new church you are going to (if that’s your situation) expects of you. All that being said, I’ve seen both extremes and everything in the middle. I know a youth pastor who announced his resignation that would be effective a year later. I also know youth pastors who have made the announcement and then were gone two weeks later. My advice, not contingent on your church’s policy, is to make the time between your announcement of resignation and your last day as an employee not more than two-three months. This time frame gives you a chance to finish well. Finishing well has two parts: the professional and the personal. We will take a few moments to discuss the professional side in this section. Later, in Part 2, we will look at the personal side.

Finish Well Tack that phrase up on your board. For the next three months, or whatever your time frame is, make it your motto. It will be a challenge because you will be so busy trying to finish up your commitment to your current church. Let me say this as bluntly as possible: Don’t be the youth pastor who is known for immediately checking out after your resignation. I re-

ally feel like God’s children deserve better than that. They have loved you, and you have loved them. Some of them have cried, laughed, and toiled side by side with you in ministry to students. Make time for them. Free up your schedule so that you can be present with people when they need it. In addition to that, have a youth group gathering time where you conduct a Q and A session with students about calling. Give yourself a chance to describe the passionate desire you have to follow God. After all, that’s why we are in this thing, and the students we work with need to see that. Finishing well really is an integrity issue. As you depart, you will be leaving an impression on the church you have served. Your attitude and actions will go a long way in their acceptance of the new youth pastor and the continuance of the work you have been about all these years. If you decide to check out, you are marking this congregation with frustration, abandonment, and un-professionalism. In some contexts, youth ministry is already viewed as a second-class ministry. This is your opportunity to step up and finish well with class, dignity, honor, and staying committed to the end. This is also a great time to communicate with your senior pastor (or whoever your boss is) about your intentions to finish well. They may have some different ideas for you in that process, which may create a point of tension for you. Making sure that you are on the same page can only help the process of finishing well. Finish well by organizing the ministry you’ve been given the task to steward. Don’t leave it in shambles for the next pastor to come in. Finish well by making sure relationships are mended and forgiveness is given. Finish well by preaching a word of thanks and honor to the congregation that has loved you these past days, months, and years. Finish well.

Don’t Rob the Blessing! Throughout this first section, I’ve tried to outline a framework for dealing with the beginning stages of transition. We’ve really only just begun with this process. However, there is one thing I want to leave this section with . . . Don’t rob the blessing. The blessing in this context is the expression of appreciation that the church will want to pass on to you for your time of service to them. It is

a way for family to say goodbye and show their appreciation. It is their gift to give to you and your family. This can be a great way to leave well. A friend of mine a long time ago tried to give our family a gift. It was generous and extremely loving. I remember when I was told what this person wanted to give us, my first reaction was, “No way, that is way too generous.” I’ll never forget what my friend said next. “Tim, don’t rob me of my blessing.” What?! All of a sudden I felt guilty and confused. My friend went on to explain that God had made it abundantly clear the gift we were to be given. Who were we to say God was wrong? After that, all I could say was, “Okay, thanks.” Profound, I know. I’m not sure how people will want to bless you, but they will. Who are you to rob them of the blessing? When I left the church I was serving in Canada to go back to school, they decided to have a roast. You know, where you basically make fun of the person leaving (in love, of course) for an hour or two. It was pretty fun. I’ve also been in situations where families wanted to have us over for one more meal together. My advice? Say “yes” when asked and “thank you” when something is given to you. Let God use the body of Christ to be a blessing. Take pictures, smile big, cry if you feel like it, don’t be too macho, and enjoy the body of Christ. God bless you as you leave. A S SE S SMEN T QU E S TIONS :

1. List the names of individuals whom you could trust in discussing your potential transition. These are wise individuals you are going to commit to seeking out for wisdom in helping you discern what’s next for you in ministry. 2. When considering the cost of your potential departure, how will it affect: Your family: Your friends: Your current church: Your youth ministry program: Your credibility:

3. If the answer is to stay, how do you respond to the idea that this could be a fresh start? Since you are likely early in the process, what are some new or remodeled ideas that you can write down for the following areas: New vision: New methods: New role: 4. If the answer is go? Write out your communication plan: What are some accountability points you can establish to finish well in this transition?

2 Saying Goodbye—Saying PART

Hello

( Final days of your transition through day 1-45 at your new church.)

The second section of this book deals with your personal time while in the midst of leaving your former ministry and continues through the beginning days of your new ministry. Enough can’t be said about the significance of this time. You will have to juggle the incredible challenge of change all around you. For some it will be fun; for others, a great strain. Wherever you land, know that others have walked this path before, and it can be done well. Consider the words of wisdom about transitions from Keith, my youth pastor growing up: “What we lead people with is what we lead people to, so if we are about leading students, staff, and parents to a quiet relationship with the Lord, we need to intentionally schedule time with God. John 15:5: Abide in Christ, produce fruit. In fact, we will produce fruit in keeping with whatever it is that we abide in.” Abide in Christ. What a great perspective to operate from as we transition.

SIX

IT’S

TIME TO LEAVE Chapter 5 dealt with many of the issues you will need to be sensitive to and intentional about concerning your former church and the professional nature in which you leave it. This chapter goes beyond the professional and deals with the personal. I don’t ever like putting God on a priority list, as if he should be ranked. I’d rather talk about God being over the entire scope of our list of priorities, rather than being number one. This chapter focuses on taking care of your family, dealing with the details of the move, and resting. This is the time when all the work to build a healthy foundation really starts to pay off. If you have set your ministry to be about God and not yourself, invested in others to lead, and helped people understand their role in God’s mission for teenagers’ lives, the big picture will not be sacrificed just because you are leaving. Remember, the more effort you put into the foundation, the stronger the structure above it will be.

Finish Well—Personally You now have resigned from your church, and your final day of employment is coming. We’ve already talked about the responsibilities of how to leave the ministry as you finish up, but what about your own soul? This is a time when details and plans are zooming all around you; one can’t help but have moments of frustration and stress. Here are just a few thoughts to help you get through this crazy time:

Get your quiet time every day I’m sure you don’t really need me telling you to do this; however, there is no better time than now for you to intentionally write into the schedule of your day quiet moments with God. I can’t think of a more refreshing way to focus.

Exercise Listen, this might be specific to my life, but I believe there is a real connection that exists between your spiritual life and your physical health. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying that your spiritual life is contingent on your physical well-being. What I am saying is that getting a good workout can clear your head, help you to relieve some stress, and focus. Walk more, run more, lift some weights, or do whatever physical activity it is that you enjoy doing.

Spend time with the people who are closest to you Leaving my family and closest friends is the most difficult part of transition for me. It is difficult to go from seeing them every week to possibly just once a year. This is a great time for you and those closest to you to have quality time together. Enjoy them and the time you spend together. Let them know how much you care about them. Make plans to stay connected.

Transition Your Family Take care of your family. For those of you who are married and have children, this is a huge part of your transition. It would be an easy argument that this should be your number-one priority during this time (and actually all the time). If you don’t take care of your family, not only are you not helping a healthy departure, but you are potentially setting up your arrival to be very difficult. Some rules to follow with your family through this time:

Quality time Nothing replaces craziness like quality family time. Go for a walk, play a game, have a conversation, or make a pizza together. However you define quality time, go with it and make it a priority.

Communicate well Make sure you are keeping all those in your family aware of any changes in action, updates, or celebrations that might be on the table. Do what you can to ensure that your family gets important information from you rather than through the grapevine. Remember, you will be so

busy during this time, and the harder you work to bring your family up to speed, the better they will feel about the move. .

Reflect . . . “How do you listen to the pain your kids will have because of your decision to leave? You must listen and not fix their pain. You must be fully present, confident in God’s direction and hopeful while the kids hurt through the process. Spending time being with, listening, and hugging is really key. Not defending the decision with reasons but at appropriate times, naming hope in an ever-present, loving God can lead to a healthy transition. Keep an eye on how this process can build resilience in the lives of your kids.” —Jim University and seminary professor

Pray Nothing beats praying with your family. Not only does God love it, but what a great example to set with your children. Take time to pray for the people you are leaving and the new family you will soon be joining.

Laugh I’m guilty of letting pressure overwhelm me at times. I can honestly say that some of the most stressful times in my life have been with trying to sell a home. At one point in our time of transition, the housing market was so bad that there were times I became fearful and stressed about selling our house. In these moments I was clearly unfocused on the faith I was supposed to be displaying. Take a break from the stress and do whatever it is you do to laugh with your family. This can be huge boost for them and you.

Make memories I’m blessed with a wife who loves to scrapbook. She has documented most every significant event with pages and pages of pictures and captions. Clearly I would have never done that on my own, but what a gift it is to us as a family! Leaving one place and going to another is a great time to journal, take some great pictures, and create lasting memories.

Sabbath Rest The word Sabbath is defined very clearly as a time for rest. From the day you finish your responsibilities at your former church to the start date at your new church or ministry, much will need to be done. A move includes a number of layers, such as packing and unpacking, driving/flying, saying goodbye, saying hello, and so on. There are tasks to be done at the new house, neighbors to meet, kids to get into school, new grocery stores to find, phone numbers to change, and so on. This may be a great time for a Sabbath rest.

Reflect . . . “Transformation vs. Transition: Life often does not provide us with true opportunities for transformation. Look for spaces in your life where the Lord can bring transformation. Transition might be exciting, but we tend to bring all our junk with us. Transformation goes deeper and produces lasting results. It might be good to find a spiritual director to walk with you through the first year. Use any in-between time for spiritual practices, such as a rule of life, or others. Once you hit the ground, you may not have this chance again until your first sabbatical.” —Chris Minnesota youth pastor

You may not have many options for extended time off work. Your budget may dictate the urgency with which you need to start getting an income again. Your new church may need you to start immediately. Maybe you are just so excited for this new adventure that you can’t wait. However, please allow me to give you this advice: This may be one of the few chances, possibly for the rest of your life, in which you might have the opportunity for an extended period to rest and recharge. Many pastors have the opportunity to go on a sabbatical sometime in their ministry. You may have already done that or look forward to doing it in the future. However, if you are arriving in a new place, odds are, you won’t have the opportunity to do that for quite a few years. This is your chance. Your chance to sleep in. To read recreationally. To help your family settle in to your new home. To get to know the community without the pressure of office hours. If it is at all possible, take time before your first day on the new job and be recharged!

Now you have successfully moved from your former home and ministry. You are ready to call a new place home, with a new church family. It’s time to start your new job. Let’s get to work.

SEVEN

THE ARRIVAL: WELCOME!

As we start this chapter, let me encourage you to take time to visit the In Transit website at www.relationalyouthministry.com. Located there are the full transcripts of interviews conducted with three individuals who talked about transitioning well into a new job location from an outside-thechurch perspective. (I introduced them in the acknowledgments.) Their words are helpful and can be a great voice in addition to the ideas on the following pages. Let me encourage you to read through the interviews fully. You won’t be disappointed. As you reach this point in the journey, take a minute to remember all that you have been through. Think of all the time that has gone by over these past months that has led to you to this moment, the arrival in your new place. Hopefully you’ve had a few weeks to clear your head since moving into your new home or apartment, and now you are ready to step into your new job. You are officially the new guy or gal and have now entered what we like to call the honeymoon phase of your employment. The honeymoon phase is a fun time. It’s obviously a reference to a newly married couple who see each other through rose-colored glasses. However, this is a great time to learn the ins and outs of your new church (the office system, the business side of running your ministry, the way in which the staff members communicate with each other, the expectations on your time, and many other easy-to-pick-up details). Let the honeymoon phase be a time when you start the process of falling in love with the people of your church and them with you. This is also a great time to take the opportunity to clarify expectations. Nearly every group of people in the church will have some sort of expectation of you. You can’t possibly be all things to all people, but making sure the people in your church feel heard is a must. Have them restate what they are saying and show them you are really listening to their thoughts and hopes. This kind of mentality goes a long way in building the foundation.

Reflect . . . “Take time in quiet—preferably alone—to sit in the sanctuary of the church or someplace associated with the new ministry to simply dedicate yourself to the Lord and his new work.” —Keith Minnesota pastor and former youth pastor

As you listen and start the process of being with people, here are some helpful suggestions concerning good connections to make:

Call the former youth pastor You may be going to a situation where the church didn’t have a former youth pastor. If that’s the case, this point may be moot for you. However, it’s more likely that somebody cared for the students of the church before you arrived. This is a great time to connect with this person over lunch or a simple phone call. In every church I’ve gone to, I’ve had the benefit of spending some quality time with the previous youth pastor, and it has always been a great conversation. I do this because it gives me a chance to get to know this person. It also gives me perspective. The former youth pastor can also give you a better perspective on who the individuals are in the church that everyone listens to. This could be a huge advantage as you work hard to bring people around the mission for student ministry in the church. Who can give you a better understanding of your new job other than the former youth pastor? Worth noting: There may exist certain situations where this conversation could be tension filled. I would caution you never to get involved in issues that may have caused the youth pastor to leave.

Reflect . . . “Acknowledging whose shoes you are stepping into is another important part. Realize that many churches have approached you because you are promising to be everything the last person wasn’t and maybe assuming that you are also everything the last person was. Let the legacy and strengths of your predecessor challenge and hone your abilities and skills. They have hopefully invested in the lives of the volunteers and staff, and they in turn can shape you.” —Chris Minnesota youth pastor

Arrange a community meal Hopefully you won’t have to do this on your own. I’ve always seen the search committee put together a meet and greet for the new youth pastor. Either way, this is a great time to eat and get to know the people of your new church. There is something special about sharing food together. Bring your whole family and let them be blessed by people as well.

Reflect . . . “When you start in a new location, relationships are most important; all else can wait.” —Maria Kansas City youth pastor’s wife and small group leader

Be intentionally visible—office hours Even if your schedule will flex in different ways, try to keep the same office hours as the senior pastor. He or she will appreciate having you in the office. Who knows what kind of great conversations you can have with people who stop by?

Be okay saying no Now that you are here, it’s possible many people will have big plans for you! This probably is not a time for a bunch of new initiatives. If one of your top goals is to be with people, do a lot of listening and understand your new job. Give yourself a few months to settle in and get to know the system before you jump into new and challenging ministry adventures.

Ask to be a part of the Sunday morning service As the youth pastor, this might be a part of your expectations, or it may not. Getting some face time on Sunday morning reading the announcements, leading music, and preaching can be a great way for the congregation to identify with the new youth pastor. This is pretty fun, unless you are terrified to be in front of others (which probably isn’t the case). One idea is to volunteer to be a greeter at the front doors of the church for the first month or two of your arrival. This is a great way to shake the hand of every person who comes to church. Hopefully your arrival will be marked with excitement, flexibility, and joy. Keep your family as the number-one focus, and include them in

all of these strategies. To some degree, you are the one who was courted to come for the new job, not them. Validating their place in your ministry life is essential. It’s a process of sharing your life together. Doing this can make the transition a life-giving time, especially when your family begins to really miss your former place. Loneliness is not what you want your next few months to be marked by.

EIGHT

NEW

RELATIONSHIPS, NEW PLACE, NEW EVERYTHING In these first 45 days in your new ministry, you will meet more new people than you can probably handle. The amount of new names and faces you will have the opportunity to remember will be a bit overwhelming. Maybe you’re not very good with remembering names; however, keep in mind that remembering somebody’s name is a real gift to them, especially with teenagers. Starting the journey of new relationships is one of the best parts of ministry. Consider these opportunities valuable. I would suggest that you keep a journal of the new groups of people you meet. The more you equip yourself to connect with these people, the better the transition will go.

Reflect . . . “After the first 30 days, go away for a couple days with just your spouse or with your family. They will need to reconnect with you. At that time, debrief how the startup period has gone with everyone.” —Keith Minnesota pastor, former youth pastor

Let’s take time to look at whom we will be meeting these first days and ways of doing that well:

Church staff and leadership Odds are, these will be the first significant relationships you begin to develop. These are your co-laborers and the people you are with in the trenches of ministry. Give them every opportunity to speak into your life. Your senior pastor is someone I would strongly encourage you to get to know well. There will be times when this person will support you, and there will be times when you will need to support them as well. This relationship can literally make or break your success at this new church. Understanding each other and having open communication will be key in your relationship with your senior pastor. Be open to their suggestions,

enjoy having coffee with them, and allow them to be a mentor to you as you transition. At this point I’d like to pause and let you hear another voice. Angie, in addition to being a great friend of mine, is a recent seminary graduate who recently transitioned into a new ministry position in California. Angie and I have worked together on different ministry projects for years, and I respect her opinion immensely. When we where discussing her transition into this new place, I was impressed by the way she dealt with her new context, specifically how she was so intentional about setting relationships up to succeed. I’ve asked her to share a few words about her recent experience so you may hear a little bit about what it’s like transitioning as a female in ministry; specifically, dealing with relationships with the opposite sex on your staff. Transitioning well into a new job takes thought and strategic action whether you are a male or female, but as a female, I have noticed that there are some other things that we need to do and pay attention to as we build relationships with your new staff and volunteers. The fact is that as a woman in ministry, you will be working with mostly men. Whether you are married or not, it is important to start off on the right foot with the guys you work with so that you can be a great team and do ministry well together. As this book has talked about, these first days in your new position should be all about getting to know the people on your staff so you can begin to build trust with them. Working to build trust with those of the opposite gender on your staff means that you have to be intentional with your interactions from the beginning. As a female, you never want these initial interactions to seem inappropriate or to send the wrong message. If the men on your staff are married or dating someone, spend time getting to know the women in the lives of the guys you work with. Invite them out to coffee, or at events, take the time to have conversations with these women about their lives. We all know how territorial women can be if they don’t trust someone, and as someone who is working closely with these women’s husbands and boyfriends, you need them to be able to trust you. If there are other women on staff at your church, spend some time with them learning about what it has been like for them in ministry at your church. Are there some things that you should be aware of? Pay at-

tention to this unique place of connection. As the women on staff, you can be a great source of encouragement to each other. Every staff that has both males and females on it is on its way to better representing the nature of God. This can only be true, though, when both genders are fully comfortable in their calling and are fully comfortable in their genders. So find people who will encourage you to be fully called and fully female! As a woman in a new context, it is also important to take some time to make some friendships outside your staff and volunteers. This can be tricky, but think about some circles in your community where you could meet some women with similar interests to your own. Or if you meet some women in your church that you click with, don’t be afraid to pursue those relationships and try to build friendships there. You will need friends as you navigate this new ministry context and this new chapter of life, but having those friends takes work. And putting the work in at the beginning will serve you well as you do ministry in this new place. —Angie The other staff at your church will play a huge role in your early ministry. It is important to eat lunch with them, asking questions and listening to their answers. In doing this, you are showing them that you care what they think. That’s a great start. Enough can’t be said about your investment in their lives. In addition to the senior pastor and other pastoral staff members of your church, we cannot overlook the most important people on your church staff: the administrators and the janitors! I can’t be more serious as I write these words. These two groups of people are key to the success of our ministry. Take time to hear their stories, share life together, and be intentional about the little things. They will really appreciate it. One more thing—surprise them with coffee every now and then. The senior pastor, other staff, administrators, and janitors can all help you gain an understanding of the history of the church. What an asset for a new person in the church to learn about the successes and mistakes of the past. By learning about these things, we gain the opportunity to embrace the values of the church we have been called to.

Teenagers Then there are the teenagers. The reason you came to this place. Your calling as a youth pastor is to invest in the lives of youth, with the end goal being spiritual maturity. That transformational process begins now.

Reflect . . . “Take care of the kids who were really attached to the former youth pastor. They might feel burned. Even though you had nothing to do with the old youth pastor leaving, you are the one who gets to deal with their pain, anger, and hurt.” —Nate Kansas City youth pastor

Here are some ideas for getting to know your youth in this new place the first days you are there: • Have the students take you on a tour of the community. Invite students to tell you the stories about the community they want you to know about. • Sit at a place where teenagers gather to get an idea of what they are like. This could be football games, malls, skate parks, and so on. The more you get to know the new culture of students you are in, the better you will be able to serve them. • Connect with the teenagers who don’t feel like they have a place in the youth group. These students need your attention. If you invest in them even a little bit, it might change their whole perspective of Jesus. Invite them out for lunch or to coffee or even a video game night in the youth room. I would encourage you to have another leader present with you, since two voices in this situation can be better than just one. This conversation doesn’t need to be deep at first! It is the start of building a quality relationship centered around the love of Jesus. • Can you head to your local high school or middle school and sit in on school lunches? Many communities don’t allow this, but those that do provide a great place to connect with teenagers. This is also a good time to mention that meeting school administrators is always a good idea. The principals and counselors of your area can be a huge asset to you as a person investing in teenagers’ lives. The beginning of these relationships usually takes place when some sort

of tragedy happens to a community. Don’t wait for that. Visit the school for no reason other than to introduce yourself. • What about social media? Are you a Facebook person? If not, you probably should be. When you are with your students, ask their permission to add them as friends on Facebook. If they do this, they are letting you into a world that digs pretty deep into their lives. • Tell them your story. I think your first talk with your new youth group should be your story. This is a chance to brag about what Jesus has done in your life. That’s always a winner. • Be available. This is usually a no-brainer but certainly something worth mentioning here. Give out your cell phone freely and invite students into your world. This invitation will be accepted by most and snubbed by some. The vibe you want to give out is welcome, acceptance, and interest. Every teenager matters to you. I’m sure many more opportunities exist to connect with students. At least this list gets the ball rolling. Have fun starting off right with your new youth group. What a joy this time will be!

Parents If you want your students to know and support what is going on in your youth ministry, communicate with their parents. If you want your students to jump in fully to what you are doing in the youth ministry, gain the trust of the parents. Ministry to the family is where the true impact can happen for what we are trying to do in youth ministry. We have the opportunity to care for our families well and see God change them. For some reason, I’ve met a lot of youth pastors who are frightened by parents. They view parents as intimidating entities whom, in some instances, they would rather do without. If this is your way of thinking, you are greatly limiting the impact you will have on this church and community. Let me say that again: If you don’t take time to invest nearly a third of your time in communication and relationship-building with the parents of the students in your ministry, you will not be nearly as effective as you have the chance to be in this new church. If you make parents a part of your rhythm as a youth pastor, your ministry will prosper because of it.

Reflect . . . “There is no need for a new youth leader to feel insecure around parents— parents are even more insecure and oddly without tools to inspire a transition for themselves much less their teens.” —Craig Parent in Kansas City

When you invest in parents, you give them reason to believe some really important things: YOU ARE SAFE: Why would they want to send their sons or daughters to any group gathering in which they do not trust the leader? We could spend an entire book talking about being a safe youth pastor. Make sure this is one of your top priorities. Stay above reproach. YOU ARE TEACHING HEALTHY THEOLOGY: They probably won’t say it like that, but the opportunity to get to know you and build into that relationship helps them understand and trust what you are going to be teaching. THEY CAN INVEST IN YOU AND THE MINISTRY: Odds are, you are going to need your parents help to accomplish your dreams and visions for the ministry. If that is going to happen, you need to set up relationships that have the strong foundation to work together. Don’t expect your parents to come to you; rather, you should go to them.

Volunteers Because of my philosophy of ministry, I count volunteers as the most important assets to any youth ministry. I try hard not to center the ministry on myself. However, I’m still working on figuring out exactly what that looks like. Adult volunteers are key to every day of our ministry, and spending time with them immediately is a must. When I arrived in Kansas City, I spent the first two months getting with every volunteer leader over coffee. It was awesome. These conversations helped me understand their perspectives on the ministry and gave them a chance to get to know me better. Obviously, as time went by, we developed deeper and more significant relationships. Those coffee outings merely served to set us on the right course.

Maybe in addition to coffee, you have a night early on in your ministry at your new church where you host a gathering of all student ministry volunteers. In this, you give them a chance to be together and have some fun, and all in a non-student-ministry-related event.

Youth ministry networks One of the great gifts we have as youth pastors is each other. All throughout your community are others who are struggling with the same things you do in ministry. Your area may have an already established youth ministry network that meets on a regular basis, or you may have to establish one yourself. Either way, this is a great way to invest your time and a great way to start out your new ministry. If you can take the time to get to know the other youth pastors in your area, you will greatly benefit from their experience and knowledge. All of these new relationships will be a cornerstone of your ministry. In so many ways this should be your number-one focus as you start your career at this new church. Enjoy the journey with these people! May there truly come a time when you call them family! A S SE S SMEN T QU E S TIONS :

In this section we looked closely at starting fresh in your new environment, what to expect when you arrive your first day at your new church, and the new relationships in which you will have an opportunity to invest. Take time to reflect on the following: 1. What are some of the ways you and your family have stayed connected during this time? 2. How are you taking care of yourself physically? List some daily goals you have with diet, exercise, and being in a place that is stress free. 3. How can you have moments that spiritually mark this time in your life? How can you track those markers for reflection and growth? 4. Write out some specific questions you can ask the former youth pastor once you arrive at your new ministry. 5. As you arrive, what are some easy and effective ways to bless people in your new community? —In your youth ministry . . .

—On your church staff . . . —As your family develops a new rhythm around you . . . —Parents of the teenagers you are working with . . . 6. How can you remember all the new names of the people you will be meeting? 7. What are three specific prayer requests you have during this time?

3 What’s Next? PART

( Days 45-90 at your new church.)

Wow! Look back on last week, month, or even year, and think about how far you’ve come (or should I say, how far God has brought you). It’s likely you will look back and say, “Wow.” The most difficult part about this time in your transition can be exhaustion, simply from being overwhelmed. You (and possibly your family) have been through a lot. To be honest, this is a time when, even though new and exciting things are going on around me, I have felt great loneliness. These feelings have led to a short perspective on the change that was happening around me. You might be going through this or some other challenging emotion that is causing you to question your transition and draining your joy. Please allow me to tell you that you are not alone. Part of the change is dealing with the process of settling in, digging in, and starting to lead the way you can, the way you are wired to lead. Be alert to the spiritually vulnerable place you are in right now, and cling as tightly to Jesus as you’ve been doing throughout this process. This is a time when walking hand in hand with Christ is a must. Take a moment and, in the space provided below, write out some of your emotions and feelings as you process this time in the transition. Are you feeling energized or drained? Are you feeling particularly close to God right now, or is he lost in the busyness of this transition? Maybe the space can be used as a place for prayers or whatever your common lan-

guage is between you and God. Enjoy the moment to pray and rest in the God who loves you so much. My emotions and feelings during this process of transition . . . If you’ve followed this book to a tee up to this point, then you will be ahead of every pastor who has ever transitioned into a new church! Obviously this book’s intent is to give you a plethora of ideas and options to transition well into your new environment. That being said, there may be things that you just didn’t have time for in the past month and a half of being onsite in your new job. If that’s the case, this is the time to start making the list of what you want to return to. Moving forward, days 45-90 are significant. Some of the newness has worn off. You and your family have probably unpacked most boxes and are on your way to officially settling in. Hopefully you are beyond the introductions and moving toward deepening the relationships you started on day one. In addition to that, hopefully you are building quality relationships with your fellow staff members at the church as well as your valuable volunteers in the youth ministry. The more you invest in those relationships, the better ministry life will be down the road. These next days are significant to establishing your new rhythm, having a healthy view of programming, and maybe setting up one of the most important entities for your youth ministry—that is, the teams that help you run your ministry and care for your soul. Let’s take a look at what days 45-90 can look like.

NINE

DEVELOPING

A HEALTHY RHYTHM IN YOUR LIFE It’s funny how the first 45 days are somewhat consumed logistically with things that need attention once and then maybe not again for a long time. For instance, setting up your office, establishing your office hours, getting your technology up and running (computer, cell phone, etc.), figuring out where everything is in the church building, taking inventory of the resources available to you for youth ministry, and collecting times for meetings and names for contacts. All these things are really important. However, they can be a distraction as you try to develop any sort of constant normalcy. The key is developing ways of keeping our minds focused and trying to establish healthy rhythms in our lives, both personally and professionally. Establishing a healthy rhythm in this context refers to the art of keeping a measured balance in time. In other words, it is our ability to establish action that is a productive and effective use of our time, energy, and emotional outpouring. I want to take a moment and look at four areas where a healthy rhythm makes all the difference.

Your Soul We’ve already talked a lot about caring for your spiritual self during this transition. We’ve mentioned many times about getting away and praying, getting your mind in the Word, and spending time in spiritual conversations with others to help you keep the right perspective. All of the previous conversations about caring for your soul were really focused on the specific time of moving from one place to another. What now? Rather than make suggestions, I’ll ask you to consider questions that require thought and reflection. Please consider these questions seriously as you prepare to define the time frame for caring for your soul: • When do you spend quality time reading God’s Word?

• When do you spend quality time in prayer and song? • When do you spend time journaling and reflecting on the things that God is doing in your life—past, present, and future? • When do you spend time with an accountability partner? • Who is holding you accountable to a healthy lifestyle (asking you the hard questions about things like pornography, purity, ego, and action)? • If you are single, who is holding you accountable to a healthy perspective and identity? What are the issues that surround people in ministry who are single? Who is helping protect you from others’ inappropriate affection toward you? (This is a real issue in ministry whether you are single or married.) • If you are married, who is encouraging you and your spouse to be a better couple? If you have kids, who is encouraging you and your spouse to be better parents? • When do you spend time praying alone and with others? I’m sure these are just a few of the questions we could ask when setting up soul care. However, if you take the time to seriously answer these questions, you will know what sort of rhythm you need to establish to make these things happen effectively. I would say these practices are nonnegotiable for those in ministry. Take these words from somebody who has failed time and time again at establishing soul care. It’s one of the things I’m still working hard at establishing in my own life. Yet just because it’s been a struggle does not take away from the fact that we are called to invest more into these things than anything else around us.

Your Strategy I was a full-time youth ministry intern for two years in a church in Arvada, Colorado. During my time there, I was under the tutelage and mentoring of the one best youth pastors I’ve ever met. His name is Jay, and I learned so much from this great friend. I really look back and thank God for the great time of challenge, joy, and growth I experienced in my life during those two years. God used Jay to be one of the biggest parts of my ministry experience in Colorado. I can only hope to be a fraction as effective at being a mentor to interns as he was to me and so many others.

One of things that Jay did a great job teaching me was strategy. I’m not talking about ministry vision or the big perspective of doing the job of ministry, even though I did learn a lot from Jay in that respect. In this situation, I’m speaking about the day-to-day workings of our professional lives. Jay always said, “Spend a third of your time with students, a third of your time with volunteers, and a third of your time in the office. The other 10 percent will work itself out.” He really believed and passed on to me this idea that ministry was never about one person. He felt that to be able to equip other leaders and set up a ministry that reaches as many students as you can, you have to be organized and investing in other leaders. I love this truth. Now let’s be honest. Most youth pastors are not known for being organized. If anything, whether warranted or not, youth pastors are generally known for their fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants ways. This is unfortunate. I really feel like the quality of organization in this generation of youth pastors is growing. With that in mind, we need to blow that negative stigma out of the water. It is a must that you and I establish a healthy system and strategy for getting things done professionally. You will have the task of setting up a system—or blueprint—that communicates well, prepares well, and is available to people in a healthy and effective way. If you fail to spend time setting up an effective strategy, it will be something you continually bump your head against in your new location. So with that in mind, here are some questions that can help you establish a healthy and effective strategy: • When will your office hours be? When are you most productive with tedious but important tasks like phone calls, emails, trip planning, communication writing, making copies, budget work, calendar preparation, registration for trips, missions details, random meetings with parents and students, Facebook messaging (to students, of course), and so on. Get the point? This is a small list of the things that will be required of you when it comes to the details for your job. This list doesn’t even include message preparation, student contact time, leader contact time, and the other important things you do with your work week. • How will you track your time? Most people loathe tracking their time. However, I have found it to be a helpful tool when trying to

figure out my effectiveness, especially concerning office time. Track what you do every 30 minutes over the next month, and you’ll be surprised at the things you can do better. • How will you track your to-dos? Sticky notes are great, but do they make the best organization system? • Will you hire an administrator or bring in a volunteer to help you with all these tasks? Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: Hiring others always requires you to be more organized than you were before you hired them. Don’t hire others because it will save you work—it won’t. Hire somebody to help you because it will make the work more effective. • Whom will you ask to help you with your strategy? Don’t be too proud to ask the help of a businessman or woman from your congregation who may have this figured out. This person might be a huge asset to you. If you spend time trying to be a more organized youth pastor, your ministry will be better for it. It might not be your sweet spot. You might not have signed up for youth ministry to do office work, but it can be such an effective tool to accomplishing your goals as a professional youth pastor. Don’t forget that an organized ministry is an easy one to respect. The more organized an individual is, the more time that person will have to do things that are the most important, like spending time with family, students, and most importantly, God. Good luck and work well!

Your Physical Health Not a lot needs to be said about this that you don’t already know. I do believe that multiple reasons exist for staying fit: • Deciding that you are going to take care of yourself physically and making it a part of your every-week rhythm can impact every area of your life. If you are lifting weights, running, walking, or whatever, you generally feel good about yourself because of the discipline you’ve established. It triggers a good frame of mind and can help you really focus on the things that are important. As I mentioned earlier in this book, I really believe that there is a connection between our spiritual health, our emotional health, and our physical health.

• I would strongly encourage you (if you can afford it) to join a fitness center or community center of some kind. Not only are you then surrounded by others who are likeminded in their desire to be healthy, but you now enter a world that is outside the church walls. We need that. Sometimes we get way too cemented inside the church. Doing things like establishing friendships at places like fitness or community centers can really help us keep healthy perspectives. Some of the friendships I’ve had the honor of establishing at the gym I am a member at are some of the best friends I have. It’s worth the time and money.

Your Community We’ve already mentioned the importance of quality friendships inside and outside the church. I’ve also enjoyed the new friendships I make personally as well as other couples my wife and I meet together. These relationships can fuel the stability of the healthy rhythm you are working toward. Invite people into your home, eat meals together, and cultivate community that energizes you and the rhythm you are trying to establish. Please don’t ever make people a project, but understand that being a follower of Jesus puts us in intentional situations where community has to be valued with both people in the church and individuals who are currently on the outside. How can our lives not reflect Christ in both of those situations? Enjoy the journey with people no matter what their background and let the joy of Christ be what overflows from you in every situation.

TEN

PROGRAMS

AND STRUCTURES: WHAT TO DO WITH THEM Nearly every person I consulted about transitioning had the same thing to say about programming across the board: In your first 120 days, don’t change a thing. I totally agree. In general, this is a time for you to spend 98 percent of your ministry energy focusing on new relationships, not new programming. Brian Peterson has some great comments about this. He has a great metaphor to help us understand transitioning into a new position: “The biggest mistake, in my opinion, that new employees can make in their first days is to come into a new situation with the attitude that they will change everything, that they know what is wrong, that they will be the savior. You cannot possibly have those answers in the first 90 days. If they come in with that perspective, I have found that the people who were there before them have a difficult time respecting those individuals. I always use this analogy: You might be coming into an organization of 2,000. If you are entering the freeway during rush hour, whose responsibility is it to merge? Should the 500 cars already on the road have to worry about the one car merging onto the freeway, or is it the one car’s responsibility? The one car is the minority in this situation. That car/ person must learn to slow down or speed up depending on the situation, the culture that’s already in existence. If you don’t understand that, you will run into the cars already on the freeway. Most of the time you will lose—respect, credibility, etc.” I love the concept of merging into the existing system. New youth pastors who come in wanting to put their mark on the system need to understand that respect and trust must be given to you before you can change things drastically. It’s really about what depth of relationship you have reached with the people you are in community with. You can’t lead if no one is willing to follow, and you can’t lead if you’re not willing to follow yourself.

This concept was something that my mentors passed on to me early in ministry. I have seen the benefits of taking almost the entire first year of a new job to run with the ministry programs that were in place when I arrived. If you take the time to honor this plan and focus on the relationships, you will have a chance to earn the trust to change. Now you have passed the 45-day mark and are looking forward to the future. Even though I strongly suggest focusing on relationships, this is also a great time for the youth pastor at his or her new church to start doing an in-house overview of the programs you do have in place. Here are some suggestions for your personal overview of the programs the ministry organizes: • Assessment: As any new missionary or pastor in a community, what are the needs of your community, and is your programming meeting the needs? • Evaluation: What things just work, and what things don’t? Why? • Involvement: Are the people helping your ministry being effective? Are they in the right place? Are they trained? Are they flexible? • Budget: Do you have a budget, and is the money being spent in the right places? • Time: Are you getting the most for your money when it comes to investment of time? • Honor: Are the programs in place honoring God and the purposes behind why you do youth ministry? These are just a few assessment questions that you can ask. In the next chapter I will be talking about who can help you ask these questions. However, personally taking an inventory of these things is a must. Remember, having an organized system in place to document your thoughts and findings is imperative. In addition to organizing these thoughts and findings, this is also a great time to consider how you will lead these changes. As you immerse yourself into your new community and as relationships bloom all around you, discover how people have been through change in the past. Learning more about your community can be beneficial. The wisdom you gain will help you greatly when the time for change does come. We can call this practice establishing your transition theory. When it comes to existing programs and structures, will you:

A: Take a slow process for change, bringing in different people along the way to help you decide your direction? B: Quickly change the programming with key volunteers leading the way? C: Employ some sort of hybrid of both A and B? The bottom line is this: Much of your time over the next years will be spent in planning and evaluating programming, training people to be involved, and preparing vision and mission. This is the best time to build on those relationships that will help you accomplish those goals down the line. Enjoy.

ELEVEN

ESSENTIAL TEAMS TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH

Throughout this book, I’ve tried to stress the importance of multiple people being involved in your ministry. I operate under the premise that ministry is better together. Personally speaking, I need the voice of others to help me make it. To be true to the calling on my life, to be effective as a pastor, and to be spiritually focused, I rely on a community of other followers of Jesus to help me move forward. With that in mind, let me suggest six teams of people that could greatly enhance your ministry both professionally and personally. Know that these are just suggestions and your ministry context may dictate that one is more important than another. In addition to that, your church may not have the numbers of people to sustain six teams like this. Remember, these are suggestions that you can tweak any way you see fit. They are simply six teams that have been very important to me in ministry through the years.

Accountability Team The accountability team has a great purpose in your life. This group will hold you accountable to the holiness you’ve been called to and encourage your spirit in an environment where you can be honest. Ask people to be a part of this team whom you trust at the depth of your soul. That being said, this may be a team that develops over time, probably longer than 45-90 days. However, those relationships may start to bud during this time, and it is wise for us to watch for those individuals now. I’ve seen the accountability team be a formal gathering for some and an informal one for others. • A formal group may focus on a list of questions with specific issues in mind. Their list of questions may deal with issues of purity in

your marriage, purity in your mind, faithfulness to the Word, and actions that represent Christ. • An informal group may not have a list of specific questions that are discussed, but can be just as effective for different personality types. The art of a deep conversation that reflects your soul can be as forming as a more direct approach. No matter what your approach is, one thing is certain for the effectiveness of your accountability group: If you’re not honest with them, it’s not worth having. If real conversations do not deal with the side of you that’s not very spiritual, then the point of the group is nonexistent. Furthermore, some of you have neglected to put together a group like this for fear of releasing an issue in your life. Most of the time youth pastors who don’t want an accountability group are the ones who need it most. Please, establish this in your life before something gets a hold of you in a way that leads to destruction.

Prayer Team “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” —Ephesians 6:12 Not only is your own healthy prayer life essential to following Jesus and being an effective youth pastor, but having others pray is vital as well. This team of prayers can and will do more work for your life (both personally and professionally) than you’ll ever know. Take this team seriously. On our staff, our senior pastor asks that each staff member have a minimum of three individuals who have made it their ministry to pray for us. This suggestion has held me accountable to realizing the significance of these people in my life. The goal is to let them in on significant events in my life as well as everyday things that together we can offer up to God. As you put together your prayer team, look for faithful people. Sometimes your best friends might be good at praying for you now and then but maybe not as a part of your prayer team. I’m talking about those prayer warriors who love nothing more than to pray. Involving them in your life could be awesome. They might be found in the church you are

serving now or may be from a place you used to live. Consider the pros and cons of the different people you ask to be part of your prayer team. One of the keys to a successful prayer team is keeping them updated. With all the different ways to communicate in today’s world, this shouldn’t be a problem. Keep in mind that if it is not a priority to you, it won’t be a priority to them. Using one of the many free blogging sites can provide a daily update for the professional and personal prayer requests you have. (You can establish a private, password-protected blog that only the prayer team has access to.) However, this can’t replace good ol’ faceto-face prayer. Let these people be a blessing to you as they take ownership to pray for you and your ministry, now and in the future.

Vision Team The vision team is made up of big thinkers and big dreamers. These are the individuals who are brought around you and the ministry and are asked to blow the roof off the place. Dreaming big is the only rule. Don’t let any ceiling keep the vision down. You can do any necessary trimming later. This team takes an idea, concept, or evaluation and puts new life and vision to it. These can be exciting conversations that lead to great purpose and programs. The vision teams I’ve met with before have usually held a schedule of at least one meeting per month, if not more when deadlines are required. Some of the individuals you ask to be a part of this team might include business people who think outside the box, individuals who have professional ministry in their background, and creative types. Whoever it is, hopefully you’ve established some sort of trusting relationships with them and are ready to bounce ideas off one another. This team has typically been a blast for me to meet with. Hopefully that is your experience as well.

Advisory Team This team’s purpose is to be a group of people who can work through issues with you. Those issues may be specific to your life as a pastor or issues specific to the entire youth ministry. I suggest they be a collection of adults (including parents of students in your ministry) who are involved and known in the church. This group may have the opportunity to have a voice for you when you are not able to represent yourself.

Put this group together before an issue comes up so that you can spend time properly developing your relationship and trust. Working in a church, issues are sure to arise. Therefore, you will need the support of these few either to call you out concerning a decision you have made or to back you up with the support that is needed. They are invaluable. You cannot replace the importance of this team. Invest in meeting with them once per month, and your ministry will be better for it.

Learning Team What about a group of individuals you are learning from? This team could be comprised of other youth workers, pastors, seminarians, or whomever you can really dig into ministry, theology, philosophy, and other like conversations. These friendships have led to conversations that have really shaped who I am as a youth pastor, and I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. Those individuals on my learning team are people I respect in ministry. These are people I share a common vision with, but also people I don’t mind debating certain things with. Our relationship is healthy enough to handle “iron sharpening iron.” This shared respect and desire to grow is essential in the learning team. Put people in your life who want to grow with you and your ministry, and your walk with Christ will be better.

Laughing Team Yep, that’s what I said . . . a group of people whom you can just laugh with! I’m not sure that this group’s meeting time will be on a set schedule, but that doesn’t remove its importance from this list of essential teams in your ministry life. Ever since we moved to the Kansas City area, I’ve had the wonderful benefit of having a group of friends who meet every Sunday night. These individuals have become very important to me as I deal with the daily stresses and busyness of ministry. These other men I hang out with are life givers. The best part for me is that my wife fully supports this essential need in my life. Whatever you call this group, the point is to have a team of people where you can let your hair down and enjoy life together. Hopefully, establishing these teams is an attractive use of your time. If you think this idea is unproductive, I fear you will miss the potential fruit

that exists by having teams like this in your ministry and your life. Taking a little time at the front end of your ministry to establish these healthy entities will go a long way toward the longevity of your ministry in this new church. Don’t worry if you can’t establish these teams for some time. The point is to start thinking about individuals in your life who can help you accomplish your goals and objectives in life and ministry. A S SE S SMEN T QU E S TIONS :

In this section we looked at the healthy rhythm a youth pastor establishes in his or her life, how to establish a perspective on programs in the church during your first 120 days, and discussed different teams that can help the forward motion of your ministry and your spiritual life. • What are some of your rhythms that help you stay healthy that weren’t mentioned in chapter 9? • What are some ways you have seen effective programming change happen? What ways will you communicate the changes you dream of making in the future? How will you get people in your church to support these things? • We mentioned six teams that can benefit your ministry in this chapter. Are there other groups of people you have used to help the forward motion of your ministry in the past? What are some names of people you have met or are meeting who might be positive individuals on one of these teams?

4 Hope for the Future PART

( Days 90-120.)

You’ve now been onsite at your new location for three months, a whole quarter. Odds are, you have a pretty good feel for the environment you’ve moved into. Without question there will have been situations these past three months that took you by surprise and situations that maybe you expected to reveal themselves. Those situations have been good teachers about your new setting. You are now a part of the ongoing ministry of that church and no longer just the new guy or gal. People will start to look to you for direction, advice, and pastoring. This is a great time. Take it seriously. You are still on the honeymoon (and will be for at least this first year). Continuing to hold fast to the relationship-building focus will enable you to walk through this next month well. In Part 4, we briefly look at the values of setting up your ministry to be lasting. I believe that God wants to do great things with your involvement in his ministry in your community. As we look at days 90-120 of your transition into your new ministry, we will examine some of the truths we can hold to when jumping into God’s work around us.

TWELVE

SET UP

A STRONG FOUNDATION We started out this book discussing the purpose of your endeavor—to set up a healthy foundation in your ministry. Everything we’ve discussed goes into that solid and healthy foundation. That reminds me of a great fairy tale and an awesome scripture: The 3 Little Pigs: Wolf: “Little pig, little pig, let me in!” Pigs: “Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!” Wolf: “Then I’ ll huff, and I’ ll puff, and I’ ll blow your house in!” Sure, you’ve all heard it, read it, and loved it. What a great lesson it was for us as children, and for us as professional youth workers. I won’t take the time to tell the whole story, but the little pig that set up the strong structure around him was the one that didn’t get eaten.

The Wise and Foolish Builders “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” —Matthew 7:24-27 These are two great illustrations that show us the necessity and importance of building a strong foundation and structure around us. With that challenge comes more critical questions: What about character? What about perspective? What about ethic?

We use these terms all the time in Christian circles. If we pushed to define these ideas, I bet you would do a pretty good job preaching/teaching on each of them. I would suggest that even though we may have a pretty strong handle on what these terms mean, we must still take time to look into our souls and examine who we are from a foundation standpoint.

Reflect . . . “I’m finding at this stage I am beginning to see things for what they really are. So being intentional and purposeful about my observation and mindful of whom I share these things with is important. The hard relational work done earlier begins to pay off big because your congregation knows you love them and are willing to hear from you. This is the point when vision starts to emerge for me. I find myself making statements like, ‘What if . . . ’” —Chris Minnesota youth pastor

Here are a few character qualities—foundation values—that as youth pastors we must embrace:

Love and Respect This goes without question. Your mission as a pastor is this: service. Service, it could be argued, is the basis for love and respect. With service comes humility. With humility comes patience. With patience comes the ability to be used by God. The word love is found everywhere in the Bible. To narrow down one scriptural passage that defines what we are called to do would be too limiting. However, hear the words of John 21 as spoken by Jesus to Peter. May this be a part of our calling: “When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?’ ‘Yes Lord,’ he said, ‘you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’ Again Jesus said, ‘Simon son of John, do you truly love me?’ He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.’ The third time he said to them, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep.’” —John 21:15-17

What a great challenge for us. What great truth to base our lives on. My prayer is that you will sense this sort of calling in your life; that the love Jesus asks us to be all about will be the foundation of who you are. We are to show respect to those around us: “. . . respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.” —1 Thessalonians 5:12 Respect and love go hand in hand in many places in the Bible. Remember this truth when people become harder to love down the road.

Character and Integrity To some degree this goes without saying, but our character and integrity go a long way with people. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” —Matthew 5:6 What a way to conduct ourselves in ministry and leadership. Leadership isn’t influence or power of place. However, it is about service, humility, and seeking God. This is the place where we have the opportunity to be open and honest with others, showing the transparency of our faith. God can use that attitude to do great things with those who lead his church.

Patience People say that most youth pastors don’t do well with patience. Yet you always hear people say they can’t understand how we can put up with middle school students! What?! Does that even make sense? Generally what they are saying is youth pastors don’t have a lot of patience for adults! Good leadership—lasting, foundational leadership—is marked by patience. I struggle with patience big time. It seems like nothing ever gets done fast enough for me. There is usually a certain amount of anxiety I carry because I am working on getting something done that I wish I had finished yesterday. I know it’s a character issue. However, I’m working on it because I see the great value of bringing patience to the leadership table.

I often try to equip our teams of leaders with a language and challenge that set them up to be patient in all situations. In dealing with stressful situations it’s easy to lose our patience. We talk a lot about expecting some things to not go the way we plan. If we start processing how we will handle a stressful situation before it happens, we will most likely handle it well. I’ve found this to be especially helpful on trips. This kind of foundational patience is much deeper than just the patience we have with details for a trip. This is a spiritual patience in which we as youth pastors wait on the Lord. In this waiting is found the formation of a foundation that allows God to be Lord of our lives. These are certainly just a few of the foundation-setting values that define who we are as leaders and pastors. Even though they are just a few, they are cornerstones for following the call of Christ and the calling in our lives to be youth workers.

THIRTEEN

SAY

THIS WITH ME: PRACTICE THE LONG VIEW Practice the long view. This phrase is a work of art in the life of a youth pastor. It’s a masterpiece of effort, joy, and journey. If it were an awe-inspiring orchestral performance, it would start out with a single, simple instrument playing a quiet melody. If it were a beautiful painting, it would start out with a single dot of color somewhere on the tapestry. If it were a novel, it would start out with one word on one page. We practice the art of the long view all the time. As youth pastors, we are trained to see the distant hope in the current reality. For example: • We see the long view in the middle school student whom we love right now, despite his or her rebellious and disrespectful attitude. When we engage in the lives of students, we know that God has the opportunity to change them over the long haul to become who he wants them to be. • We see the long view with programs we might start that have zero momentum or effectiveness. However, when we evaluate and look closely, we see the building blocks of a strong program that will someday be very effective. • We see the long view when we invest in interns and volunteer leaders, knowing that a little bit of preparation right now will go a long way in them becoming the leaders that they can be. • We see the long view when we go get coffee with our senior pastor early in our new job, knowing that down the road, we may need his full support . . . or he may need ours. • We see the long view when we answer an email to a parent who asks for just a little help, knowing that it’s possible that their relationship with their son or daughter could be restored. I think each of us has the opportunity to live with the long view in mind every day. There are two words that come to mind when I think the

art of the long view. They are words that can possibly give us a healthy and accurate perspective on our calling and our jobs. They are longevity and legacy.

Longevity Longevity is defined as “a long duration of individual life.” I would expand this definition to include the family as well. If you are a married youth pastor, then you know that your family makes or breaks the ministry. They are behind everything you do. To include them in this conversation is key. Practicing the long view of ministry sees things for what they are— one God-sized movement leading to another. Your longevity is not necessarily contingent on your staying ability in one place, but rather your ability to see your effort in the grand scheme of what God is doing. That really is the key . . . what God is doing. Our longevity must be preceded by a belief that in order to have a long individual life in ministry, we must rely on the leading of the Spirit of the Lord. He is our guide. He is the one who leads and steers the ship of our ministry. We do this through listening and obeying. We must not fall to the temptation of following our own agendas and/or aspirations. God’s calling on our lives is to establish his kingdom, not our own. Keep that in mind as you move forward these next months and years in ministry. What a great honor it is to represent God’s work on earth. It necessitates humility, respect, and obedience.

Legacy The phrase anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor defines legacy. This awesome responsibility and opportunity represent everything bigger than us. You start the legacy the day you say yes to this new job. Your investment in the inner workings of people’s lives and the way you interact with the church on a whole will define your legacy. What legacy will you leave?

Reflect . . . “We never know the legacy we will leave behind. Others will determine that by how well we have loved. Ruthless love for Jesus is how this will be measured.

Youth pastors who sustain disappointment, missteps, false starts, and failings of themselves and others have a relaxed grip on their own vision.” —Craig Kansas City parent

Practicing the art of the long view answers that question by seeing the possibilities in the “not yet.” Personally speaking, I have an inner fear that the legacy I leave will be weak. I hope I’m not remembered for how busy I was or that I wasn’t available to people when they needed me most. I hope I set up a system where I define my ministry as one who shared life together. I try to use these words with students as much as I can: We are all on the same journey with Jesus. At the end of the day, my legacy has really nothing to do with me at all. I believe it has everything to do with what God desires for me and the people I have been blessed to work with. That’s not to say it isn’t possible for us to mess it up. However, a high emphasis on character and integrity go a long way when dealing with the long view. God has already established his legacy. We know what he is up to. We know his strategy. We understand what he desires to pass down from generation to generation. Now it’s our job to make it our legacy too. This is part of practicing the art of the long view. I’d like to attempt to suggest some realistic long-view practices that youth pastors can put into motion in their own ministries:

Be known as somebody who has time for others We have a saying in our church: Walk the halls of the church slowly. Pretty catchy, huh? Raise your hand if you are usually in a hurry on Sunday mornings. Yep, most of us, and on most Sunday mornings. However, this is one of those simple truths that challenges us to take time to invest in people, and at the end of the day, isn’t that what we are all about?

Do hospital visitations Years ago this was an idea that was sort of a “welcome to the real ministry world” for me. I found that even though I didn’t really enjoy the hospital visits at first, it really connected me to people in their hour of need.

Be there when tragedy strikes This is a tough one. Unfortunately I’ve dealt with quite a few tragedies in our youth groups over the years. I can’t tell you it will always be easy. However, when is a better time to be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone? Your ministry, as present with people when they are dealing with a life-altering tragedy, will leave a lasting effect on the people you steward. It will transcend any program you plan, talk you give, or game you play. This type of investment lasts a lifetime.

Have a pastor’s eye The youth pastor I worked for as an intern (Jay) always challenged us to walk into a room of students and practice what he called a pastor’s eye. This was a simple way of looking for the student who had real needs. Not that all of them to some degree wouldn’t benefit from an adult sharing Jesus with them, but he was talking about the students who were usually on the fringe and who were really hurting. He challenged us to help them find their way and to show them the love of Jesus, something that many of them really didn’t understand. The point here is this: Youth pastors who practice the art of the long view look for more than just the easy students to connect with. They go out of their way to care for kids who don’t fit the mold as well. I would challenge you to take this idea, the art of the long view, and bring it to your team, your youth pastor network, your church staff, even your youth ministry volunteers, and ask them to wrestle with it. If you and these people can start to define what this means in your context, I believe your ministry will start to take on a whole new way of seeing students. Seeing the future potential in the not yet truly is a gift. Have fun. A S SE S SMEN T QU E S TIONS :

We’ve covered some pretty large and over-arching topics in this section that I hope at least can get you thinking about how they apply to your world. My prayer for you is that you see the importance of building a strong foundation on the right things; on things that are lasting; on things that are eternal. May you see the long view of your ministry and may God bless that perspective. • What other foundational truths exist in your life as found in chapter 12?

• Have you been modeled this idea of the long view by mentors or pastors in the past? How did they practice this grand perspective with you? How have you practiced in your life prior to this moment? • Whom do you know in ministry who has had a great legacy? What individual do you think about in ministry when you hear the word longevity? Why? What are the characteristics of those individuals that make them so effective in ministry in these areas? • In what areas is it easy for you to have a pastor’s eye? In what areas is it difficult?

FOURTEEN

PRACTICES

THAT HELP SUSTAIN LONGEVITY Retreat Now that you’ve gone through this transition and have been onsite somewhere around 120 days or more, let me encourage you to take some serious time to get away and evaluate. I find that when I can get away from the details, turn off my cell phone, really unplug and spend quality time with God, I can see more clearly what he is doing in my life and around me. It gives me a chance to be thankful. It gives me a chance to be energized. It helps me be a better husband, father, and pastor. I decided to practice what I am preaching to you by finishing this book on a little retreat of my own. At the time of this writing, I am celebrating just over two years at my current position and loving the fact that God has us here. I’m glad to be on this personal retreat, and taking the time to hike around at this camp and spend time praying, singing, and reading has been very rewarding. It has enabled me to see the great things God has done and to thank him for it. I’m afraid without these moments, I might lose sight of the big picture. You have just been through one of the craziest and busiest times in your life. Take time to get away and thank the Lord for getting you through.

48-hour Retreat As a resource, here is an example of what kind of schedule I have practiced on a 48-hour retreat: Day 1: • The retreat starts the moment you get in your vehicle to travel to your destination. Turn off your cell phone, turn off the radio, and start the silence. Let this be your call to worship for the next two days.

• Upon arriving, unpack your gear and take some time to rest. This might be a nap, a time of quiet reading, or maybe even just some time praying. Whatever you do, don’t run on an agenda. The quiet space needs to be in place for you to be able to settle in. • Hike/walk/run. Do some sort of physical activity that takes you through a place of talking with God. This might be through some sort of forest, field, path, etc. Enjoy the ability to be a kid again and just go and play. • Eat or fast. This is your call. You might want to practice the spiritual art of fasting during this retreat. However, if you do eat, try to make your time not about the food. At each meal, express your thankfulness to God for the way he takes care of your needs. • Read, write, or journal. Spend ample time reading the Bible and some other book that challenges you spiritually. Journal about any insight you gained from your readings. Write down your thoughts, your tensions, and your emotions. Don’t let it just sit. • Sleep . . . and sleep well.

Day 2: • Wake up on your own schedule! • Walk/hike/run. Physical activity is good for the heart and soul on this retreat. • Read/write. Continue the reading/reflecting theme and write down your thoughts and reactions to the things you are discovering. • Assess. This is key. Now that you’ve unplugged, take some time to assess where you are emotionally, spiritually, and physically. How has your transition been? Have you reached your goals and objectives up to this point? What can you do more of? What should you do less? Take this time to assess every area of your life, documenting all your findings. This schedule obviously does not need to be strictly followed to have a great time away. However, these are some important elements to have in your retreat for it to be a relaxing, refreshing, and helpful time for you to make this transition a great one. We would love to hear what other elements have been a help for you on retreats like this. If you don’t mind sharing, go to www.relationalyouthministry.com and share your thoughts.

Going Back This past fall, after being gone from our previous church for nearly two years, we went back to visit and spend time with the family we missed so much. I’ve had the opportunity to do this with every youth ministry I’ve left. Let me say that this has been very rewarding! I think there is a lot of benefit to going back to where you spent so much time—benefit for your family and a benefit for the people you served alongside of all those years. I do think there are things to keep in mind before you visit.

Remember, since you’ve been gone, the church has most likely moved on with another youth pastor. With that has come a new vision and excitement for the church. It’s not yours to come and go as you please anymore. Get permission to come back. Making a simple phone call to the youth pastor and/or senior pastor shows them honor and respect. That’s one theme we’ve tried to emphasize throughout this book. Show respect, and it will go a long way in your visit back. (Never get into conversations about how good it used to be. That only leads to comparison and negativity. ) When you go, be a blessing and back up the ministry you once poured yourself into. Talk positively about the current staff and enjoy the history and legacy that is a part of your story with that church. (Please note: This is one area where some special attention might need to be given. Your denomination may have a special set of standards or rules for youth pastors returning to their previous churches. For example, in the denomination that I serve, there is a document called Ethical Principles put out by the Evangelical Covenant Church that states the following: “We respect ministry in a former church. We may return to assist in pastoral functions on special occasions at the request or consent of the minister currently serving that church. At all times, we exercise extreme caution against interference in the ministry of our former churches.”1) Showing respect and honor to the former congregation is a must for any pastor returning to a former church.

Practice the Sabbath: Your Day off Is Essential I’m pretty sure you don’t need convincing to take your day off! However, as a youth worker, someone who loves teenagers, you will be on call most every day. In general, students don’t really know what a day off is, so why would they leave you alone on your Sabbath day? However important it is for you to be available to teenagers and their parents, it is equally important to protect your day off as sacred. No matter your situation, your day off must be a time you have to yourself and the things that are important to you outside of your professional ministry. If necessary, turn your cell phone off, don’t check your

1.  Ethical Principles for Covenant Ministers, p. 9 Accessed May 11, 2010.

email, don’t sign into Twitter, Facebook, or update your blog. In other words, just relax and recharge the soul. A good suggestion is to advertise when your day off is and don’t apologize for it. Just be clear that this is a day when you are not available to families, except in crisis. If done ahead of time, they will understand. These three practices (retreat, going back, and practicing Sabbath) are good decisions for a long-lasting career. Remember where you came from. Enjoy where you are. Give your best time to God.

IN TRANSIT FINAL THOUGHTS: WHAT ARE YOU KNOWN FOR? First of all, I can’t say thank you enough for allowing me the space to be a part of this journey with you. I said at the beginning of the book that it really is an honor to walk with you through this transition. I’m humbled by the time, and I pray that the words of this book have helped. Please pass on the knowledge you’ve gained from it and know that I’m taking the time to reinvest what was once invested in me. With that I would like to leave you with just a few final thoughts about this calling we have on our lives.

Your M.O. About three years ago I was sitting in a room with two of my best friends in ministry, discussing the state of our lives. I was sharing with them the concerns and tension I was having about my current job situation and the nudge I was feeling to possibly leave that place. I had been in that location for nearly five years, and I was wondering if maybe seminary full time was in our future. It was a great conversation among friends I trusted and whom I knew would shoot straight with me. One of my friends said pointedly, “So, is that your M.O.?” I’m like, “What?” He responded, “Is that your thing? Being at a church for five years and then leaving?” You know he said that phrase with a lot of love, but to be honest, it took me a little by surprise. I felt pretty annoyed that he would ask the question the way he did. Yet isn’t it funny how God uses simple things to shape us and to shake us up for his benefit? Your M.O.—or modus operandi—is a military term that describes the mode in which you operate. It’s the way you do things. It’s what you’re known for. The what of the M.O. is really important. However, before you and I can really define the way we operate, we need to decide why we will operate in such a way.

This is a defining moment, maybe even an epic one. The why you operate the way you do comes straight from your uniqueness, the person God created you to be. It comes from the place that makes you, you. Your passion, your obedience, and your call all fit into this place of your life. Who you are in Christ Jesus now and who you are becoming define the why in your decision making. To restate it, think back to the reason you got into youth ministry in the first place. Why did you do it? How did you sense that calling, and why did you act upon it? The why of what you do is always the most important part to live. Let me challenge you. This can be the time when you go all in for Jesus and follow him. Wow, that sounds funny, doesn’t it? I mean, all we as youth workers do is challenge our teenagers to do just that. Yet are we really willing to follow Jesus “all in” ourselves? Remember, you can’t lead people where you aren’t willing to go yourself. What I believe you are called to do is have a strong and enduring passion to follow a God who will take you on a journey that won’t always be easy. Is the why of your M.O. defined as “anytime, God; anywhere, God”? If it isn’t, then most of what is said in this book won’t make a difference for you, but more importantly, you may not be living up to the potential God has in store for you. Now, go back to when my friend challenged me on my M.O. The way he asked the question didn’t really sound like something I wanted to be known for! I felt defensive and disrespected at first. I wrestled with that thought over the next five months. This wrestling led me to a place where I better understood the what and why of my M.O.—If God says go, I need to follow. I’m so glad my friend asked that question and had the guts to call me to consider the bigger picture of transition. I’m proud to say that my M.O. (or at least I’m attempting to make it) is to go where God says. This book has been all about assisting you in the transition from one ministry to another and helping you do it well. May God bless you and the people you work for as you follow the call of Jesus on your life. May you see the abundant blessing that comes from taking risks in the calling of following God. May you experience his joy in even the most difficult transitions. May his strength sustain you, now and forevermore. Amen.

APPENDIX A: THE INTERVIEW The interview, for most people, can be pretty nerve-racking. It is a deep challenge to look inside yourself and really figure out who you are. When you go through any type of interview, you must take the time to represent honestly who you are and who you are not. This is a great time for you to show a group of people the gifting, talent, joy, and honest parts of your life. Every pastor goes through some sort of interview process. It’s probable that each church handles the way they do interviews differently. Some churches have a team of people, often called a search committee, that contact individuals and conduct interviews. Other churches have a personnel director who does most of the hiring. In some cases, the senior pastor is in charge of all personnel. What I’d like to do is share with you the different types of interview processes I have had the opportunity to go through. It may not look exactly like your situation, but I bet we can find places where our situations intersect. First, let’s take a look at a potential timeline that could exist in the interview process:

Step One: The Approach The approach can come in two different ways: you approach a church with interest, or they approach you with their interest.

You approach You may have reached a point where you would like to start putting the feelers out there for other opportunities. If that’s the case, some helpful resources are needed. First, depending on what denomination you are in, you probably have some sort of resource at a denominational level to help you sort out what potential job openings are out there. In the Evangelical Covenant Church, the denomination I serve in, we have a youth and family director in our denomination’s head office that I could easily send an email or phone call to. They would then let me know what churches are out there looking for youth pastors and maybe even give me some words of wisdom on how to approach the situation.

Second, other resources are available that cross denominational lines. There are many great websites out there where churches post their staff openings. Check out www.youthspecialties.com/jobs, www.youthpastor.com/ jobs, or www.churchstaffing.com. I’m sure you can find hundreds more by using an Internet search, but this is a start.

They approach However, what if you are serving in a church, are more than happy with your current job, and a church contacts you? This may be a situation where God is giving you an opportunity to pursue, but don’t be fooled by the courting. Just because another church is out there and interested doesn’t mean you should take it. Remember what we talked about in Part 1 of the book: Bigger isn’t always better, and the grass is usually not greener on the other side. Still, if that happens to you and you want to have a discussion, it could lead to your transition.

Step 2: Résumé I don’t want to take a lot of time reworking your résumé in this step. Rather, I’d like you to really take time to consider why you might be sending your résumé to this specific church. Have you done the research on this church and really know that it’s a place you would like to be? Or are you sending out résumés everywhere with the hope of just getting another job? I recently stumbled upon a great conversation about résumés in a book called Rework, written by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson. These guys are rewriting the way we understand collaboration in the (fairly) new world of computers and new marketing strategies. They know a thing or two about bringing in the right people for the job and have what I think is great advice for those looking to hire. They express some thoughts about the résumé: “If someone sends out a resume to three hundred companies, that’s a huge red flag right there. There’s no way that applicant researched you. There’s no way he knows what’s different about your company, your products, your customers, and your job. So how do you find these candidates? First step: Check the cover letter. In a cover letter, you get actual communication instead of a list of skills, verbs, and years of irrelevance. There’s no way an applicant can churn

out hundreds of personalized letters. That’s why the cover letter is a much better test than a résumé. You hear someone’s actual voice and are able to recognize if it’s in tune with you and your company.” 2 All of a sudden, your résumé takes on a little more significance than we first thought. This is great information and should be taken to heart when writing your cover letter and résumé. I do want to make a quick comment about what not to have on your résumé—errors. If a church’s only look at you is on this one sheet of paper, make sure that you have taken the time to write it well and have had others proof it. Represent yourself honestly and with passion. Give a healthy and accurate written picture of who you are.

Step 3: Prayer Even if you’re not that serious about leaving but have sent in your résumé to see how it is handled, this is a great time to pray. Take the time to spend quiet moments with God and follow his lead. What an honor for us to actually have the opportunity to spend time with the Father seeking his will.

Step 4: Contact Sometimes the process of the interview is preceded by a phone call from the church representative, senior pastor, or search committee chairman. If this situation comes up in your interview, embrace it and use it as an additional time to learn about the church leadership. If you like this idea, maybe you request it.

Step 5: The Phone Interview Sometimes the hiring church has hundreds of résumés to wade through. They will usually boil it down to single digits and start making phone calls. For whatever reason, I’ve always been more nervous about this part than any other. I think the fact that they need to make a judgment about you without being face to face seems challenging to me. My advice is to be yourself. Laugh and enjoy the conversation. Answer hon-

2. Fried, Jason and David Hansson. Rework (New York: Crown Publishing Group, 2010), 210-211.

estly and listen attentively. The questions they ask will tell you something about their church and their motives.

Step 6: Face to Face Finally, the face-to-face interview. They may fly you to their city, or maybe it’s close enough to drive. This interview is usually not a public interview—meaning that they might not tell anyone else you are coming. This might give you a great chance to visit the church on a Sunday morning anonymously. I’ve actually never had the opportunity to do that, but I think that would be pretty cool! When people don’t know who you are, how do they treat you? That’s a culture issue and one that might give you a good indication if this church would be a fit for you. In the face-to-face interview, you will go though a series of meetings filled with questions and answers. Not only will you have the official interview with the search committee (or whoever is in charge of the hiring), but you also may meet with the senior pastor, church staff, church leadership team (elders or deacons, etc.), and students. Take time to consider who the search committee is. Did they take the time to include students on the interview team? If they didn’t, why? The point is, you’re going to need to come in with a predetermined idea of what is really important to you. Only with that list of values and priorities will you be able to judge if this church is right for you. I’ve heard it said by a number of people that one of the reasons youth pastors don’t get paid well in the church is because of the way they dress! I’m not sure if that’s totally true. However, I do believe that it is important to make a good impression. I’d rather be known for dressing a little too nicely in an interview than being dressed slovenly. I’m not sure that a carefree vibe comes across that strongly. In addition to that, because I’m pretty nervous during this whole interview process, I don’t count on my memory to help me! I try and write down the thoughts I want to share, questions I want to ask, and take notes of the people I meet and the questions I’m asked during the interview. This helps me process later on and can be very helpful in interviewing well. In the face-to-face interview, I think it is as much about you understanding the church you’re interviewing with as it is them trying to understand you. (I’m assuming that you have already seen some sort of job

description and have a general understanding of what they are hiring you to be—high school pastor, middle school, college, and so on.) Here are some questions I always make sure to ask in the process: • Will the authority I have match the responsibility I have been given? In other words, will I have the freedom to make final decisions on the things the church has asked me to steward? • What would the office expectations be for the youth pastor at this church? (I ask this because, although I’m a firm believer in an organized ministry, a youth pastor’s job is out with students, not inside the walls of the church. I need to make sure I understand that the church gets that or is willing to work with me on it.) • How do the other staff members handle their days off? (I’m wondering if it’s truly considered a day off.) • Does the church support and encourage personal renewal days over and above vacation? (This would be for the spiritual retreat you’re going to go on after 90 days of being there.) • What are the expectations for my family? • What are the expectations for me in the larger church body (Sunday morning worship service, hospital visitations, meetings during the week, and so on)? • Does the church provide resources and/or finances for continuing education? If you desire to continue your education (if you haven’t yet), how would they support that? • Do you have creative freedom, or are there certain rules that exist that you should be aware of? • What does the committee expect from you when it comes to your approach in ministry? Do they want to know how you approach different situations in ministry? In what ways do you have the freedom to be you in this area? • How does the church give raises? Do they do annual (or some other time increment) reviews? Is there an opportunity for a raise every year? What do they base their raises on? What would the church do if you were in financial hard times? Would they back you? • Whom do you report to? What do you do if you have a problem with that individual? (Basically, what is the chain of command?)

• What about the church’s policy on sabbatical? If you take this position, maybe this is the time to write into your contract an opportunity for a sabbatical after a period of so many years. These are just a few questions you may consider asking. After the question and answer time is done, you’ll probably have a pretty good list to take home with you to pray over and consider. At times, churches may want to conduct a second interview. If that’s the case, it sometimes looks similar to the process listed above. This isn’t to be confused with the public, church-wide interview that I’ve always understood to be called “candidating,” which is explained more fully in Appendix B.

Step 7: The Decision At this point, the search committee will go back and discuss the different candidates they have interviewed. You too will need to take time to weigh the opportunity. If they agree that you are the person they would like to pursue further, you may be given the chance to make the decision yourself. If that happens, you will decide whether to go to the next step. Hopefully this is helpful to you as you journey through the interview. This is a great time to learn about yourself, another ministry, and a new group of people. I encourage you to look for God throughout and really take some time to soak in what he is doing in your life. As you walk down this path, treat the journey with respect, honor, and anticipation of what God is doing. God bless you through it!

APPENDIX B: BEING A CANDIDATE If the interview is the first date, the candidate process falls somewhere between the proposal and the marriage. After the interview is over and the search team or committee has decided on you, you will now be given the opportunity to take the process to the next step. I was recently talking with a friend of mine who said that his first visit to a church was a stealth visit, during which nobody knew he was coming. He wanted to see if the church was a fit from his own perspective and decide if he should take the opportunity with an interview. The interview in that person’s story turned out to be the only step in the hiring process. Most churches vary when it comes to the hiring process. This section is a reflection of my experience, and I hope it’s a useful resource for you. If you accept the offer from the hiring entity, you officially announce your candidacy for the position of youth pastor in this church. Usually a candidate would only say yes to this step if he or she had a strong sense that this could very well be a fit. Usually when an individual makes it to the candidate stage, it is likely that the individual will be coming to this place. That being said, I have seen a few times when, after a weekend together, either the candidate or the search committee ended the process. The procedure that many churches use typically resembles the process that any given church would take with a senior pastor. Some churches require more than others with their associate staff. You will have to communicate well with the church to find out exactly what’s required of you in this process. In my experience, the candidate interview is usually done over a weekend’s time in which my family and I can meet many different groups in the church. One word usually describes this weekend: whirlwind. Here is a sample schedule of what a candidate interview could look like. The goal here is to give you some idea of what is ahead. Remember, each church will probably set up its own unique schedule for you, so make sure you ask lots of questions going into this process.

Friday: • After arriving at the new church, dinner with the search committee. • After dinner, a final interview with the search team. This is a more specific conversation than the first interview and may include conversations about money, vacation time, timeline, and so on. Hopefully the church will put you up in a hotel so you have a little bit of space to recharge.

Saturday: • Breakfast with the senior pastor and church chairman. Conversations about ministry and to see if you click. • Later in the morning, you hopefully will have the chance to meet with a realtor to check out the local housing market. This can be fun and scary all at the same time. • That evening, a gathering with students. This might be a time for you to run a sample youth group program for them, maybe a time to share stories, or just a meet and greet. If you can make this happen, this would be something you would want to spend a great amount of time preparing for and really being present in. Do your best to meet each student present and, at the very least, thank him or her for coming.

Sunday: • Preach in church, or at least make a public appearance to hopefully share your story. • Teach in Sunday school. • Have coffee with some, or all, of the adult classes. • Hang around after church to shake hands. • Get ready to answer questions about your conversion, your call, your priorities, and your experience. People will want to know if you’ll be interested in them as a church or just the students. They will want to see your passion. They will want to hear your vision. They will also want to find out if you will fit into their family. • Sunday afternoon, meet one more time with the search committee. Figure out your timeline and head for home.

At this point, you and your family will need to pray through the questions, such as, What do we say if they offer us the job? Every church is different. In my situations, the church has usually met after our candidate interview, maybe on Sunday night, and voted on whether to offer me the position. Remember that no matter how the vote goes, our responsibility is to be obedient to the call of ministry on our lives and not to please humankind. Be faithful through this process as you have been through this time. Sometimes the call committee isn’t on task. They may be rude and not call you back for a while, leaving you wondering what is going on. It happens more than you would think. If you don’t hear back from the committee within 48 hours, take it upon yourself to call the chair of the committee or the senior pastor. If the church votes to validate the search committee’s recommendation to hire you, the ball will be in your court. It is at this time that you make final negotiations with salary, start date, vacation time, insurance, and other details. If everyone is on the same page and all people involved say yes, then welcome to the transition! This is now the time that you’ve prepared for, and it is now time to begin the journey of leaving one place and going to another. Journey well.

APPENDIX C: SAMPLE RESIGNATION LETTER Here is a sample of a letter you might use as a guide to writing a letter of resignation to your congregation: Dear Church Family, [Length of time], we received one of the biggest blessings of our lives— a chance to serve in this church community. Over these past years, this church and [your town or city] have been home to our family. We are in love with the people of this church, this community, and especially our wonderful students. The question we’ve been asking over these past days has been, “Why would we ever move away from this amazing place?” The answer is found alone in God. Friends, our time at [your church] has come to a close. I have accepted the position of [your new position] at [church you will be moving to]. Our last Sunday will be [your end date as established with your senior pastor or person in charge of such things]. This announcement comes with a wide range of emotions. We are excited for what God has in store for us as we have labored in seeking the Lord in this decision. Our top priority has been and will be to follow him. We are also very much grieving the fact that we have to leave a place we deeply love and where our family is loved. Please understand this decision has not come lightly, and in so many ways, we are trying to honor God and the people he has asked us to serve. The same God who brought us to [your city] is now urging us to move on. It is our desire to be obedient to this urging that is calling us away. Since God is moving us away from [current city], then he is certainly doing something new in the youth ministry of this wonderful church. It is my urgent and persistent prayer that we as individuals and as the larger

body of Christ will be patient on the Lord as he shapes this youth ministry and does new and exciting things in [this church and town]. Thank you all for the ways you have blessed us. There is not enough space in this letter to write all the ways this congregation has blessed my family since our time here. You are a great church, and we will always consider you family. May God bless you as you move forward in the Lord and know that [your church] will always hold a special place in our hearts.

RESOURCES Thank you for reading my book. I’d love to continue the conversation with you. We’ve developed a website to do just that. For more resources on In Transit and for a larger conversation on navigating youth ministry, please visit us at www.relationalyouthministry.com. We would love to add your voice to the conversation!