How Will I Know? [Paperback ed.] 0755307593, 9780755307593

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The Number One Bestseller

«M'

m«JTk

V%K

*

If

he's

the one...

How Will Know? One

of the blinding talents

on the female Daily Record

fiction

scene'

Digitized by the Internet Archive in

2012

http://archive.org/details/howwilliknowOOshei

Sheila O'Flanagan

is

the author of

selling novels, including to be

many No.

1

best

Anyone but Htm, Too Good

True and IsobeTs Weddinjj,

as well as the short

story collections Destinations and Connections. Sheila pursued a very successful career in banking,

becoming

Ireland's

first

woman Chief Dealer,

she decided to

become

weekly column

in the Irish Times,

badminton

at

a full-time writer.

competition

level.

md

before

She has

a

she also plays

Also by Sheila O^Flanagan

Suddenly Single Far

My

From Over Goodbye

Favourite

He's Got to

Go

IsobePs Wedding Caroline's Sister

Too Good

to be True

Dreaming of

a Stranger

Destinations

Anyone but Him Connections

How I

Will

Know?

Sheila O'Flanagan

headline

review

Copyright

The

©

2005

Sheila O'Flanagan

right of Sheila O'Flanagan to be identified as the

the

Work

Author of

has been asserted by her in accordance with the

Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. First

by

published in 2005

HEADLINE BOOK PUBLISHING

First

published in paperback in 2006

HEADLINE REVIEW HEADLINE BOOK PUBLISHING

by

An

imprint of

A HEADLINE REVIEW

paperback

13

UK

Apart from any use permitted under copyright law, this may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any means, with prior permission in writing of any form, or by the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. publication

All characters in this publication are fictitious

and any resemblance to is

real persons, living or

dead,

purely coincidental.

ISBN 978-0-7553-0759-3

Typeset in Galliard by Palimpsest

Polmont, Printed and

Book Production Limited,

Stirlingshire

bound

in

Great Britain by

Clays Ltd St Ives pic

Headline's policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

HEADLINE BOOK PUBLISHING A division of Hodder Headline 338 Euston Road

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It

takes

more than me

at the

on the pages so thanks

Carole Blake

computer

to get the print

fed

know what I'm

to:

who makes me

like

I

doing

Marion Donaldson who reminds me of what

Pm

meant

to be doing

Team Headline who know what

My

family

who

they're doing

thankfulh

me doing what I'm means forgetting them sometimes -

have always supported

doing (even when

it

sorry about that)

My

friends

and

who

who

Colm who

And

let

me

on with doing what

get

Pm

doing

very kindly buy the end result

often makes

special thanks

doing what

I

all

me do something

of you

do, and what

who buy my

I

else

who make do - writing

books,

always wanted to

them - so wonderful by your support and encouragement. Extra thanks to everyone

the guestbook on

Whenever

I

who

has taken the time out to sign

website wvvw.sheilaotlanagan.net

worry about how things

comments and Thank you

my

feel

again!

energised again.

are I

going

reallv

I

.

read the

appreciate

it.

Chapter

1

Anchusa (Summer Forget -Me -Not) -

mauve

Blue,

pink or

white,

star-shaped blossoms cover branching stems. Water in

dry weather.

Claire woke up

earlier

than usual on the morning

Georgia was due to go to summer camp

She

lay in

bed with her eyes closed

month.

tor a

tor a couple

of minutes

while she tried to figure out what was different about the

day and then

more

it

struck her.

especially the absence

had been present every weeks - that had woken

was the absence of noise

It

of the gentle

single her.

morning

hiss of" rain

which

tor the last

The only sound was of

two the

birds singing in the apple trees outside the house

She opened her eyes and

slid

out from under the sheets

The early-morning sun - something

she hadn't seen in

ages - filtered through the chink in the heavy damask curtains.

She pulled them open and blinked

pectedly bright light.

from the back of the stairs

in the

unex-

Then she took her white silk robe bedroom door and tiptoed down

so that she wouldn't wake her fourteen

\

ear-old

Sheila

O'Flanagan

daughter. Not, she thought, that there was really

much

Most mornings- a pickaxe wouldn't have gone amiss when trying to prise Georgia out of bed Claire would spend ages shaking her and calling out her name before Georgia budged. But she felt that this chance of

that.

morning might be about her

different, because

trip to the Irish

Georgia was

thrilled

College in Galway and had been

wildly overexcited the night before. It

had taken

all

Claire's

powers of persuasion to get her to bed

in the first place,

and she knew that Georgia had spent

at least

an hour

reading or listening to her shiny pink iPod in her

room

afterwards because she'd been able to see the glow of the light

from beneath her door. So she didn't

waking up too

early

really

want her

now.

She went into the kitchen and opened the back door. Phydough, their two-year-old mainly Old English Sheepdog (his mother was pure-bred and beautiful but his father

had legged

it

after his

moment of illicit

lust),

barked

happily at her. Claire had chosen the quirky spelling of

Fido from a children's book that Georgia had once loved, believing that a

dignity

needed

dog of

a special

his

undoubted

intelligence

and

name.

'Quiet, Phy,' she whispered. 'Don't

wake the

entire

neighbourhood!'

The dog gave

a small

woof and then wagged

enthusiastically. Claire scratched

him behind

his tail

his ears

and

took a pouch of food from the cupboard. Phydough

jumped up on his hind legs and leaned against the cupboard doors, his soft brown eyes eager with anticipation. 'Down, Phy,' she said. 'Sit.' She filled the bright blue

How

Know?

Will I

ceramic bowl which Georgia had bought him the previous

Christmas and put fled his

it

down

in front

way happily through

mix while Claire

filled

on

she walked out

of him. The dog sunt

the chicken and vegetable

the kettle and plugged

it

Then

in.

to the patio behind the house .\nd

surveyed the bedraggled garden. It

was long and narrow and

mess.

The lawn

now

right

it

was also

a total

badly needed to be cut ^nd the evergreens

that lined the walls were

growing out of control, ehokmg

the rose bushes which had been forced to thrust their stems

high into the

air in

the tight for light. The tlowerbeds were

overrun with weeds ^nd the two apple trees desperatelv

needed pruning. Part of the problem, of course, was

that

the incessant rain of the past fortnight had caused everv

thing to shoot up by an extra couple of inches flattening

some of

the flowers .\nd giving

as well as

them an appear

ance more suited to autumn than midsummer. But the

real

reason the garden was unkempt and overgrown was that it

had always been

Bill's

domain, not

hadn't been able to face tackling

it

Claire's.

so the only job that had been done, even on basis,

had been mowing the lawn. She

lip as

she looked

area

at

And

bit

a halt

regular

the inside of her

the weeds encroaching

on the patio

and the sodden bamboo grasses along the near

Soon, she promised

herself.

Soon

Til

she

the past three \cars.

in

wall.

do something about

it.

The

kettle clicked off

favourite yellow

and she spooned eoffee into her

mug. She took

a

blueberry muffin out of

the bread-bin and peeled away the waxy paper as she tucked

her legs beneath her and perched on

a chair at the

kitchen

Sheila

table.

O'Flanagan

She pulled the previous day's paper towards her and

glanced through the news. But her mind wasn't really on the task. She was thinking about Georgia and her trip to

summer camp

the

in the

hoping that she'd have

And,

if

she was

own

The

for a

Irish-speaking Gaeltacht and

good time

really, really

wondering how the her

a

hell she herself

away.

herself, she

was

was going to cope on

month.

closest she'd ever

come

to living

had been the few weeks she'd spent

And

month

in her

honest with

as

on her own before

an au pair in France.

that didn't really count because, even

though she

hadn't had any family or friends around her, the house

had been

of the shouts and squeals of the two

full

Carmichael children and she was never actually on her own.

Admittedly their parents hadn't been around that much, but

Amy

at least

I will

and Raul had taken up her time.

not obsess about being alone, she muttered as she

threw her half-eaten muffin out of the open kitchen door

and on to the

women

grass

beyond the

own

all

through the next month.

It

live

on

their

besides, I've lots lines to

do

it in.

patio; loads

the time.

I

and loads of

only need to get

won't be that

difficult.

And

of work to do and some very tight dead-

I'm always complaining to Georgia about

how much work I have to get through. With her out of my hair I'll be able to concentrate on getting stuff done instead of moaning about how hard it is to find the time. She drained her mug and refolded the newspaper. Then she began the task of tackling the mountain of ironing piled

up on the rocking

chair in the corner of the kitchen.

This was her second major batch of ironing in the past

How

Will I Know''

twenty-four hours. Yesterday had been the all

critical stuff

the clothes that Georgia wanted to take to Claire

her.

had wailed

at

-

camp with

her that she hardly needed to

take a T-shirt for every day she'd be there and that seven

of identical jeans was surely

pairs

a

bit

excessive,

but

Georgia had given her that pining look that teenagers use

when it

faced with hopeless parents and reminded her that

was important to have the right stuff and that she had

knows what

to cater for goodness

there was

no way she was going

social events

to be the only

and

that

one who

had nothing to w ear. 'But Georgey - you're bringing eight white tecs and they're

all

the same,' cried Claire. 'And

I

know you

n^d

different things for different events, but different doesn't just

mean another

pair

of jeans.

Georgia had pointed to

m

1

overlooked stack of brightly

coloured miniskirts. 'And you can't complain about those because you bought them for me,' she'd said triumphantly;

Now

Claire pulled

and began to iron the ironing too

it.

one of her own T-shirts towards her Actually she didn't really

much, she found

it

mind doing

comparatively

restful.

She switched on the radio ^nd listened to .m early-morning chat

show

cotton material.

as the iron glided across the

She'd finished the three T-shirts and

a

couple of pillow

on her king-sized sheet (she hated doing sheets; even though there weren't any awkward parts they were just too big to fit over the ironing

cases

and was

just starting

board properly) when Georgia walked into the room wearing her blue pyjamas, rubbing her eyes and yawning widely.

Sheila

'You're awake

O'Flanagan

glanced at the wall clock.

early.' Claire

'Couldn't really sleep,' said -Georgia.

and

she's

up

'I

texted

Robyn

too.'

'Are she and her

mum

calling here

still

around

ten?'

asked Claire. 'I

guess so.' Georgia shrugged as she opened the fridge

door and took out a 'You'll

remarked 'I

I

'Don't be Claire's waist.

that

smoothie.

Claire.

know,

know. Don't

'D'you want

'Is

fruit

have to have more than that for your breakfast,'

me

daft, 'I

to

fuss.'

make you something?'

Mum.' Georgia put

her arms around

can boil an egg, you know.'

what you're having?' asked

Claire sceptically.

'Yeuch.' Georgia leaned against Claire's back so that her

red-gold hair cascaded over her mother's shoulders. 'I'm

going to make some

toast.

But to be honest with you, I'm

not very hungry.' Claire turned to look at her daughter.

'Excited?'

Georgia's eyes - amber-flecked like Claire's

own - were

sparkling with anticipation. 'It'll

be fun,' said Georgia.

'It really will.'

'Though how on earth you're going to make yourself understood in

Irish at the college

stand your English these days

I'll

when

I

can hardly under-

never know,' teased Claire

gentiy.

'Oh,

like,

you're so not with

it.'

Georgia grinned

mother. 'Though I'm not sure about the Irish see myself not speaking at

There was

a

at

her

either. I

can

all!'

sudden, awkward silence and the two of

How them looked hastily, .

.

.

Will I

Know?

each other. 'Not

at

that/ said Georgia

like

seeing the flicker of concern in Claire's e\ev \\t

you know

.

.

.

get the hang of

it

Georgia made a language and

I

not knowing what to

just

'Sure, sure.' Claire

nodded no

in

face.

'I

do want

vigorously. 'But

I

bet you'll

time.'

hope

so.

I

know

to understand

my

it's

but

it,

native

bloody

it's

difficult.'

'Only because we don't speak 'It's like

1

it

every day, sakJ Claire.

anything, once you get used to

it it'll

be no bother

to you.'

'Your faith in

me

very touching.' Georgia grinned

is

'Go and make yourself some breakfast/ 'And

stick the kettle

on again

for

me,

Claire ordered.

I'd

love another

coffee.'

Leonie O'Malley and her daughter, Robyn, Georgia's best friend since primary school,

on time

who had been armed e\aetl\

to take both Claire and Georgia to the train station

where Georgia and Robyn would catch the

train to

Galwav.

Some

parents had chosen to drive their children to the

Irish

College, but the group

who were going from train. A teacher

Georgia's school had elected to take the

from the college had come to Dublin to supervise them

on the 'I

more

trip west.

think

it's

a great idea,' said Leonie.

'Makes

it

exciting for them. Plus, the idea of driving to

and back on

a Saturday,

of summer or not, as she spoke,

is

whether

it's

all

the

Galwav

in the so-called height

too awful for words.' She grimaced

but Claire simply nodded and called up to

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Georgia and Robyn - who'd decamped to Georgia's

bedroom

for reasons

unknown -

to get the hell

down

here

now, Leonie was ready to go. 'Are

you sure you want to come to the

station with us?'

asked Leonie. 'Absolutely,' replied Claire.

made

case,

a face at the

She picked up Georgia's

weight of

and lugged

it,

it

to

Leonie's 4X4. 'Just as well this case has wheels,' she told

Georgia when her daughter reappeared.

'It

weighs

'That's

why

'That's

why they tell you not to pack too much,'

I

a ton.'

picked the one with wheels,' said Georgia.

Claire, but she grinned at

Georgia

all

retorted

the same.

aboard!' cried Leonie.

'All

'Are

you sure you want to come?' Georgia echoed

Leonie's words.

'Of course I'm safely,

don't

'You could do will 'I

make

sure,' said Claire.

'I

have to see you off

I>' it

sure that

from

we

here,' said Georgia. 'Robs's

get

on the

know.' Claire moistened her

train lips.

mum

OK.'

'But

I

want to

see

you off myself.' 'OK.' But Georgia's eyes were anxious. Claire took a

wedged

herself

deep breath and got into the Subaru. She

up

while Leonie and

against the door, Georgia beside her,

Robyn got

'Everyone

all

'Yes,' said

Georgia.

into the front seats.

right back there?' asked Leonie.

Her hand

slid across

the seat and

held on to Claire's as Leonie turned the key in the ignition.

Claire felt her heart beat

more 8

rapidly in her chest as

How

Will I

moved away from

the car

Know?

the kerb. She closed her eyes

and kept them closed. She knew that she would be more or

less all right if

she didn't open

admit to herself that she was as she always did

It it

on the

one these days,

in

it

them

again,

if

And, she

in a car.

rare occasions she

needed to be

wasn't cars she should panic about

wasn't a car that had been the problem. But

was

she didn't

told herself

somehow

cars that set off the panicked feelings inside her.

She

felt

the pressure from Georgia's fingers increase as

they picked up speed and she wrapped her

own

around her daughter's

need to do

something about time.

I

this,

in

response.

when

me

for

knows

she

to render

to lay

me

fingers

she told herself for the hundredth

can't spend the rest of

my

life

thing so basic as being a passenger

hard for

really

I

down

of some

terrified

And

in a car.

it's

\er\

the law to Georgia about anything

that such a simple thing has the

rigid with fear. Surely she

must

lose

all

power respect

me.

But, Claire acknowledged, that didn't seem to have

happened so

far.

In fact Georgia was a great daughter,

although Claire did worry because she hadn't vet turned into

one of the snarling monsters

tually

a

became. Give

it

that

most teenagers even

who

time, Leonie,

had two sons and

daughter older than Robyn, had told

eventually.

Though

Georgia's such

a

great

her. girl

happen

It'll it

might not

be as bad as you think. Claire hated to think that the

bond between

Georgia might come under pressure to

as

herself

grow up even more. Right now, Georgia was

thing in her

life. It

wasn't

fair,

Claire

and

her daughter started the best

sometimes told

herself.

O Flana0an }

Sheila

most impor-

to think of her daughter as her rock, as the

But

tant part of her existence.

The

was

it

a fact

on the

car slid to a halt at traffic lights

allowed her eyes to closed again.

I

flicker

all

the same.

quays. Claire

open and then clamped them

will get help

about

she promised

this,

herself. I will.

'OK, Mum?' whispered Georgia. 'Sure

I

am,' Claire responded. 'I'm fine

eyes closed, Georgey-girl. 'I

You know

know.' Georgia's voice was

Claire squeezed her

hand

Heuston

station.

my

of reassurance and

full

as she

Leonie looked

she assured the older

keep

again.

She knew that she was shaking at

if I

that.'

woman

at

that she

got out of the car

her enquiringly, but

was absolutely

fine.

She hefted Georgia's case out of the boot and dumped

it

on the pavement. 'Are

you sure you don't want to take out

a

few things?'

she asked.

'Mum!' 'You

know you exceed the recommended clothing essen-

by a factor of about

tials

Georgia laughed. 'OK, tions

ten?'

Mum,

but those recommenda-

were obviously for refugees from the

fifties

or some-

thing.'

Claire laughed too.

Her

again and she was feeling

heartbeat had slowed

much

better.

down

They walked

into

the station concourse and towards the platform for the

Galway in a

train.

A short,

dumpy, grey-haired woman, dressed

navy tracksuit with a school crest on the sweatshirt and

carrying a massive clipboard, looked at

10

them

appraisingly.

'

How l

CianT

Coldiste

Know?

she asked.

Leonie.

'Yes/ said

Will I

'Robyn OWlalley and Georgia

Hudson.'

The woman consulted her

clipboard.

'Robyn anus

Georgia. Fdilte,' she said as she ticked off their names. girls

looked

at

'Go on/

And

The

each other and giggled.

said Claire.

k

You\e

got to get on the

not another Hnglish word out of you tor

a

train.

month.

Georgia put her arms around her mother and hugged her tighdy.

miss you,' she said, her voice suddenly

'I'll

younger and

a little anxious.

Til miss you too/ said Claire.

k

But voifll have

a great

time.'

T know self,

will/ Georgia told her.

I

v

Voull look

after \our-

though, won't you? You won't do anything mad or

crazy?'

'Me?

Mad

or crazy?

1

Claire grinned at her.

'When do

I

ever:

Georgia's smile wobbled. 'Well, von know, now

you have an empty house you might

start living

some

that

hectic

1

social

T

life.

might.' Claire chuckled.

'So

no

sleazy nightclubs or picking

up unsuitable men

or anything/ said Georgia. 'Absolutely not/ said Claire. 'Although

seedy nightclub

.

.

mavbe

the

(M

.'

at her. You'll be Ok, won't von" me who's supposed to worry about

Georgia smiled 'Georgey,

being

OK/

it's

said Claire. Til be at

to look after me. Don't fret/

11

home.

I

you

have Phvdough

Sheila

'I

O'Flanagan

won't,' said Georgia.

be

'I'll

fine,' Claire

you have the most wonderful 'You don't mind

Of

'Georgia!

me

.

hope

I

going or anything, do you?'

course not.

And

I

you decided you wanted to go

fun.

You probably won't want

me

.

time.'

that

'Can't see

.'

'It's just

assured her. 'And so will you.

to

wanting to stay

Georgia grinned. 'I'm a

it

was

fantastic

yourself.

It'll

be great

think

come home.' of the west.'

in the wilds

city girl at heart!'

'Brostaijjh oraibh^ said the grey-haired

woman

impa-

tientiy.

'You'd better hurry honey. 'I'll

Have

good

a

text you,'

all

time.

'Take care,

right,' said Claire.

Keep

in touch.'

promised Georgia.

'As GadigeV asked her mother. 'Ah, listen, you don't understand half English,' protested Georgia, 'so

I

can't see

my

texts in

you having

a

clue about the Irish ones.'

'You might be again.

'OK,

right,'

pet, off

agreed Claire. She hugged Georgia

you

go.'

Mum.' Georgia and Robyn walked through 'See you,

towards the face as she 'I

train. Claire

the barrier and

kept her smile fixed firmly on her

watched them get into the

carriage.

suppose we'd better stay until the train goes just in

case either of

them has an abrupt change of

heart,' she

said to Leonie. 'If

Robyn

has an abrupt change of heart

I'll kill

her,'

Leonie responded. 'Leaving aside the cost of the college, she

made me buy her an

entire

12

new wardrobe

for the

'

How

Know?

Will I

summer. She'd better get plenty of wear out of

it

in

Galway!' Claire laughed. 'At least for Georgey, although

them or

only had to buy

I

a fen

skirts

heaven knows whether shell wear

not. She's going through a jeans phase at the

moment.' k

'Jeans are good,' said Lconie darkly.

they're covered up.

You should

see

mean

Jeans

that

some of the tops Robvn

thinks are acceptable items of clothing/

'Oh,

I

know.' Clailt nodded. 'You'd never be able to

keep up with them and what's fashionable

And

I

don't want to be

sometimes

.\nd

what's not

nagging sort of mother, but

a

.' .

.

The two women exchanged looks of understanding. Then the train pulled out of the station ^nd they sighed with

relief.

'Excellent,' said

Leonk.

know Tin supposed

k

I

her for the month, and of course

me

a bit

of space to reclaim

my

I

will,

but

it

to miss

does give

life.'

Claire smiled noncommittally.

'What about you? 1 asked Lconie. 'Anything wild And wonderful planned? Claire

shook her head. 'Up to my neck

told Leonie. a great

'And I'm reckoning

opportunity to get

barging in and asking I've

that this

down

me where

to

the

done with her iPod or whether

it

TV

in

work,' she

month

will

be

without Georgey

remote

is

or what

there's anything to

do

because she's bored out of her mind.'

Leonie laughed. 'But

it's

an opportunity for von to get

1 out and about without having to worry about her too.

13

Sheila

'Oh,

O'Flanagan

I

need to get out and about

'Well, look, if you're at a loose

'That's really

For

a

'Not that there's

sure,' said Claire dismissively.

anywhere

as

Claire

be

.

fine.'

nodded

briefly

and simply

she could drive her home.

shook her head. 'No thanks.

downtown and do 'Well then,

I'll

.' .

though Leonie would pursue

the issue, but in the end she if

end or anything

good of you, Leonie. But

moment it seemed

asked Claire

to.'

a bit

I

think

I'll

wander

of shopping.'

would you

like a

lift

as far as

O'Connell

Street?' asked Leonie.

'No thanks,

all

the same,' said Claire.

the walk.' 'Are

you

sure?'

'Absolutely,' she said. 'Absolutely.'

14

'I

could do with

Chapter

2

A

Dianthus (Sweet William/'Annual Carnations) variety of colours especially reds

and

pinks.

Water

wide dr\

in

weather.

Claire

didn't spend as long as she'd anticipated in

town

because her navy leather shoes had started to chafe at

her feet and ankles thanks to the

fact that the

temper

ature continued to rise steadily and her feet swelled up in

response.

So

after

an hour she caught the 44 A home, trying

to ignore the pain of the blisters that she knew w ere getting

bigger with every passing second. By the time she'd got off the bus and

made

the five-minute walk to the

tall,

narrow house close to the seafront she was yelping under her breath. She pushed open the front gate, pulled off the

offending shoes and stood gratefully on the

still

-damp

grass

beside the front path, looking up at the house

When

she'd

first

told people she

and

Bill

were buying

a three-storey-over- basement property, they'd

looked

her in complete amazement and then whistled that

it

at

must

be huge and costing them a fortune. They were right about

15

Sheila

the second part of

O'Flanagan

she admitted, but the house had

it,

advantage of a narrow

of land and

been

built to take

so

was smaller than most people imagined despite

it

height.

They'd bought

it

because

for conversion, given that level

a flight

of

When

it

had

its

in a great locaideally suited

a separate entrance at

while the main entrance to the house was up

steps.

they'd

basement.

was

and the basement was

tion for Bill's surgery

ground

it

strip

It

moved

surgery with waiting

had been

in the kitchen

had taken time and

room and

effort to convert

toilet

in the it

to a

and then move the

The first floor bedroom and a had two bedrooms (one of

kitchen up a floor next to the dining room.

had been made up of a

living

bathroom, while the top floor

which was

now

Claire's office)

room,

a

and another bathroom.

Renovating the house had been a messy and especially constructing

an exit from the

garden, but eventually

it

new

difficult job,

kitchen to the

had been completed. Even

knew

there'd never been a need for a surgery Claire

if

that

she would have changed the location of the kitchen anyway. The basement was far too gloomy for what she always felt

should be a cheerful family room.

She walked towards the house through the enjoying

its

comforting coolness on her hot

feet.

grass,

And when

she opened the front door and stepped into the hallway

she was glad of the coolness of the black and white

underfoot too, even though she normally bit

felt

cold and unwelcoming and was longing to change

when

tiles

they were a

them

she got the time.

Phydough, who'd stayed

in his basket

16

when

she'd gone

How

Will I

Know'

out with Georgia, padded over her to greet

her.

She patted

him absendy then opened the enormous green first aid box on top of the fridge and took out two plasters which she stuck over her

'And

blisters.

in unsuitable shoes,' she said

Phydough barked 'I

that'll

teach you to walk

out loud. At the word walk\ k

hopefully.

him. 'Not

can't,' she told

Mv

yet.

feet are

too sore

Later.'

He

understood the word Mater' ^nd looked

at

her

reproachfully.

him

'Honestly,' she said, scratching

under

his chin. 'Later.'

plopped back into

door to allow

air

and switching

it

off in disgust

his basket, while Claire

.md

opened the back

into the kitchen before filling the kettle

on.

The sound of it

in his favourite spot

The dog walked

could be heard

the doorbell - loud and insistent so that in

both the house

.\iu\

the garden -

her jump. She walked barefoot into the

hall

made

and peered

out through the spyglass. Then she opened the door.

'That's

all

the

welcome

eyebrow and looked

,

'What brings you

'Hi, Eavan,' she said.

I

get?

1

hcrc.'

Eavan Keating raised .m

quizzically at

her friend from her

bright blue eyes. 'Sorry,' said

coming.

Claire.

It's just

that

'I

it's

mean

didn't

sound unwel-

to

ages since you dropped

'That's because you're always too busy.

note of disapproval

in

do

by.'

There was

a

Eavan's voice.

'Oh, Eavan, you know how said Claire. 'Always so

1

much

it in!'

17

to

it

is

with

Locum

do and so

little

Libris,'

time to

Sheila O'Flanapfan

'Huh.' Eavan was sceptical.

'No,

shook her head so that her burnt-

really!' Claire

cinnamon waves brushed

and she had to

across her face

push them out of her eyes impatiendy. 'They've got

coming out on the

text

the gut and

it's

role

me

taking

new

a

of some bloody bacterium

in

for ever to get through. I've a

on my desk and I know when I open my e-mail there'll be more incomprehens-

stack of papers the size of Everest

that

ible stuff for

me.'

'You work too hard,' said Eavan sourly, 'and they don't

pay you enough.' 'But they're

me

keep

good

my own

to me,' Claire pointed out. 'They

hours.

I

do so much from home.

let

It suits

me.'

'And you're

a soft

touch to them, you

Eavan's tone was teasing. 'Anyway,

I

to

The

we're meeting for drinks later tonight.

And

know

came

don't say you can't come. Your excuse

you have to be home

for Georgia.

month, you can get out and about

Now

that?'

But

you

that

tell

club crowd. is

she's

always that

away

Claire looked at her doubtfully.

'I

will get

out and

about,' she said. 'But I'm not sure about tonight.

have

lots

of things that

I

'It's

just

were

.

.

.'

kettle

talking.

dumped them

Claire

I

do

need to catch up on.'

'You have all weekend to catch up on things,' 'We want to see you tonight. No excuses.'

from the

for a

a bit.'

said Eavan.

poured boiling water into mugs

which had switched

itself

off while they

She swirled the tea bags around and then in the sink.

Then

took out a carton of milk. 'You

18

she opened the fridge and

know

I

love the people in

How the club, Eavan. But

common

can't play so

don't

really

'You can can

don't fed

I

like

much

have

I

you know

in

it.'

not nonsense,' said Claire. She looked

'It's

I

Know?

with them any more/

'That's nonsense and

'I

Will I

I

haven't been

feel that

play,' said

I

her friend

at

matches or anything, and

at

can drop in the way

used to. 1

I

Eavan. 'Not as well, maybe, but you

play.'

'Me and Paul Hanratty won

the mixed doubles tennis

and badminton before the accident/

'Now

can't

I

can't run

move

said Claire harshly.

know

properly on court. You

and I'm not

that.

I

enough.'

fit

'Oh, Claire, you were always the

fittest

of as!

1

'That was then,' said Claire.

Eavan sipped her 'I'll

do my

and

tea

said nothing.

best to come,' said Claire eventually. 'But

I

don't want to be pressured by you/ never pressure you,' said Eavan. 'Never. But

'I

on, Claire - you've got a whole it'd

have a good

life

- we've worked out and about. for walks,

and

I

I

it all

I

out.

my

come And

live a little.

just

And

it's

go to Georgia's

because

haven't

to me,' said Claire fiercely;

I

Me

I

not

like

and Georgev I

sit

home

whiskey glass or anything.

get across to

with people that that

like that

now, Eavan Keating.

night and sob into

life

to

be about time.'

'Don't say things 'I

month

Locum

events, Libris.

don't spend

it

I

I

at

get

Phydough

take

have

I

a full,

in clubs

busv

and pubs

used to be friends with doesn't mean

managed

to get myself back

keel!'

19

on an even

O'Vlanagan

Sheila

Eavan stared

But

fine.

sitting life

who made my

one person

you know. But

'And

it

my own

have. In

I

I'm on

my own

worth

life

living,'

wasn't easy to get over that, way.

need you coming round here getting for half a

And I really don't me just as soon

at

second because you don't

normal person by myself

believe I can function as a 'I

is

or

living.'

lost the

said Claire angrily.

as

girls

round doing nothing or any of the things that make

worth

'I

what you've described

at her. 'Claire,

doesn't include going out with the

it

don't think that!' cried Eavan.

'You do. Everybody does. You think that I'm going to

go to

else.

I'm not.

pieces, but

sake! I

know about

There

grief

I

was

a doctor's wife, for

anything you can

isn't

God's

and bereavement and everything tell

me

that

I

haven't

already heard.' 'It's

different

when

you and not some

it's

patient,' said

Eavan.

'Oh, give

me

a break.'

'Have you seen anyone about your phobia

yet?'

'For your information, Leonie O'Malley drove

me and

Georgia to Heuston station today,' said Claire. 'So

if you're

thinking that I'm

still

not able to get into a

car,

you're so

wrong.' 'Leonie called me,' said Eavan. 'She said that you

wouldn't take a closed the whole

'Who in

my

home. And way there.'

lift

the hell does that

life!'

cried Claire.

Some people keep

that

woman

'OK,

20

think she

yes,

their eyes closed

you had your eyes

my on

is,

interfering

eyes were closed.

planes. I keep

them

How

No

closed in cars.

home

because

Will I

big deal, Eavan!

no

out. 'There's 'If

And

didn't take a

I

lift

wanted to go shopping.'

I

mug

Eavan took her half-empty it

Know?

talking to you,

to the sink and nnsed there.''

is

you were talking with me that'd be

fine,' said Claire,

the anger gone from her voice. 'But you and everyone else still

talk at

me. You

be doing, but with

have great ideas about what

all

my

it's

life.

nearly three years, Claire.

OK

else in it?

1

'Of course

There

is

I

no one

'Never say never, 1 'In this case

'Look, Eavan,

I

at

her friend impa

don't want anyone else

There never

else.

said

easy.

it's

asked Eavan. it's

1

'Oh, for heaven's sake'' Claire looked tiently.

hair.

should

it.'

'Don't you want someone

Bill.

I

Mine. And I'm peifeilly

1

Eavan

in

will be.

it.

had

I

1

softly.

Claire ran her fingers through her

appreciate your concern,

I

rcallv do.

But you're worrying about nothing.' 'So are you going to 'I'll

do my

come

tonight-'

best,' said Claire.

'OK.' Eavan picked up her bag from where she'd it

on the kitchen

table,

ill see you

left

later then.'

'Yes,' said Claire. 'See you.'

She

let

Eavan out of the house. As she held open the

heavy front door, the Tesco delivery \\m with the grocery

shopping she'd ordered over the internet pulled up outside Claire

waved

at

Eavan and smiled

pleased that at least he was

her about her

at

the delivery

someone who wouldn't

life.

21

man,

lecture

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Glenn Keating was playing

in the

back garden with

their soon-to-be three-year-old daughter,

Saffy,

when Eavan

returned laden with the shopping she'd done on the way

home from

Claire's.

He

strode into the kitchen and smiled

at his wife.

'How's

Claire?'

Eavan made 'I

come

asked her to

'I

suppose it

I

too

him.

'I

don't know,' she told him.

for a drink with us tonight

and told

flipped her lid

'I'd hate

he asked.

a face at

me

don't blame her for if

and she

to stop interfering.' that,' said

people were on and on

at

me

Glenn. the

all

time.'

'I'm not 'I

on and on

time you

exclaimed Eavan hotly. I

guess that every

her you're asking her somewhere and then

call

ticking her off 'I

at her!'

know. But from her point of view

about

it

when

she doesn't come.'

haven't asked her anywhere in ages,' protested Eavan.

'And when she can't 'So

I

do she always uses Georgia

now

as

an excuse. But

with Georgia away.'

what did she say

this time?'

'Oh, that she was up to her neck with editing some medical book and that she had to tidy the house.' Eavan snorted. 'But she also said that she isn't

mad keen about

meeting people from the club because they

from before, when she was fit

fit.

I tried

to

tell

enough but she wasn't having any of it.' maybe she'll turn up later.' Eavan sighed. 'Perhaps. But I doubt

all

knew her

her that she's

'Well,

Glenn. There she

is

hanging on to a house

it.

I

dunno,

that's far

big for her and working her guts out for people

22

too

who

How really

don't give a

Know?

Will I

stuff!

She pretends she doesn't have

time to do anything and whenever she does

come out

always fleeting because she's so busy and she has to

it's

get back to Georgia, but she doesn't have anything to

be busy about and Georgia

isn't a

'So she's keeping busy to 'Fine, but dealing with

It's

my

It's

There's only so

face.

been three

'You're a

how

it

.

.

.

well, to deal with

it.'

should also include getting

a

up with her throwing friendship back

again. I'm fed

life

in

baby any more.

horseshit.'

all

much of that anyone

can take.

years.'

good

hard you've

friend,'

agreed Glenn. 'Anyone can sec

tried.'

'She was good to me too,' Eavan reminded him. 'When we were working and I went through a bad time she .

.

supported me.' Suddenly she found her eyes flooding with tears.

'Hey, there's

looked

no need

to get upset about her!' Glenn

at his wife in surprise. 'She's

your friend, she's been

good to you, and that's why you're still being good to her - sometimes too good to her, Evs - even when she doesn't bloody well appreciate

it.'

'You're right.' Eavan wiped the unshed tears from her eyes.

to

let

Bill

'Of course. But Claire her hair

down

beside her to have a

about leaving him

.

.

.

used to be run. She used

with the best of

at

good

home

us.

with Georgia to

club two nights a week, for example. So

her to not want to

nobody

at

home.

come out now when

It's

She didn't need

time. She had

such a waste.'

23

it's

no qualms

come

to the

a bit rich

of

there's absolutely

Sheila

4

woman

Great- looking

still

O'Vlanagan

Glenn

too,' said

pensively. 'She

looks as though she's in her twenties.'

'OK,

that's

being a

she checked her

own

Eavan edgily

bit extreme,' said

as

appearance in the reflection of the

glass opposite.

Glenn laughed. 'But she a waif- like

is

he told her,

attractive,'

'in

kind of way.'

would

'She wouldn't have anorexia,

she?'

wondered

Eavan. 'You're right about the waif-like appearance, but she wasn't always like that.

I

remember

the

two of us

going on some insane diet one time - you know, like cabbage and beetroot or something - because we'd both

on

piled

a

few pounds. Claire was

really pissed off that

she couldn't get into a particular pair of trousers.

course that's

Of

would get at her if she went on mad diets, the problem about having a doctor for your Bill

husband!' 'Isn't

anorexia something teenage

Glenn. 'I'd have thought that eating 'I

problem

it'd

saw Georgey

if either

girls

asked

get?'

of them had an

be Georgia.'

shopping centre

in the

last

week,' said

Eavan. 'She looked the picture of health. If only Claire

was

as sensible as

her daughter

.' .

.

'Give her time,' said Glenn gently. 'She has to deal with things in her

own

way.'

Eavan kissed him. 'You're 'Caring, understanding

.

.

.

a

wonderful man,' she

every

said.

woman's dream.'

'As long as I'm your dream, that's

all

that matters,' he

told her.

'Oh, you're very definitely

that,'

24

she assured

him

as she

How slid

her hand under his

procedure because

Saffy,

Will I

Know?

shirt. Then she abandoned the who'd been watching them from

her sandpit in the back garden, yelled that she wanted drink of juice and she wanted

25

it

now.

a

Chapter 3

Helipterum (Everlasting Flower) - Usually white, pink or yellow daisy-like flowers on slender stems.

Can

be dried for

winter decoration.

After she'd unpacked the

groceries and put

slamming the cupboard doors closed about Eavan's

home

office

visit,

Claire

stomped up the

which she'd kitted out

She'd told Eavan the truth

when

at the

them away,

in her anger stairs

to the

top of the house.

she'd said she had a lot

of work to do - stacks of papers surrounded her

ice -white

Apple computer and almost completely covered the large

maplewood orange

desk. Claire's office also contained a bright

typist's chair, a

fridge (which

wood- effect

deep down she

champagne but

felt

filing cabinet, a small

should be stocked with

usually only contained mineral water)

and

an assortment of bookshelves on which dog-eared medical

manuals fought for space with the chunky blockbuster novels she secretiy preferred to read. Claire liked her office.

The

truth was that she liked being

there whenever she was alone in the house. It was a space

26

How which was exclusively used only by

her,

Will I

hers; designed

by her, furnished by

had never been anything other

her. It

than her office, and

Know?

somehow that made

and secure. Sometimes she

sat

her

feel

on her orange

comforted

typist's chair

with her knees drawn up under her chin and told herself that her

life

was

office

She

a

had become

particularly dreary if she felt her

comforting place to be. But

sat at

it

was.

her desk but she didn't bother pulling the

manuscript she'd been working on towards

her.

Instead

she stared at the blank computer screen and thought about

Eavan's

visit.

Eavan Keating was her her on her

first

day

closest friend. Claire

Locum

at

published a range of medical textbooks

medical

specialist specialist

magazines.

Claire

knowledge when she'd joined

had met

company which

Libris, a

as well as printing

hadn't as

had any

an office junior,

but she'd learned a lot as time went on and, of course,

being married to

But she

doctor helped. Only she hadn't been

Bill

from the

that

a

Hudson when she joined Locum Libris. had known that she would marry him. She'd known

married to

start.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to remember the

first

time she'd met

Bill. It

her mother had invited

all

was her

fifth

birthday, and

the children in the small cul-

de-sac where they lived to her party, sending out invitations

on pink paper

in

the excitement of her

cake with

fat

pink envelopes. Claire could

new pink

dress,

recall

of the huge birthday

pink candles, of the pink-wrapped presents

from her parents and the pink balloons tacked around the

room. The other children had brought presents wrapped

27

Sheila

O'Flanagan

pink too. Except for six-year-old

in

Bill

Hudson from two

doors down. He'd handed her a box with no wrapping

at

all.

tore

'I

it

off,'

he said

gruffly. 'It

was too

girly.'

remember now what was in the box. Sweets, she thought. Or maybe crayons. Something Funnily, she couldn't

colourful.

But she didn't take any notice because she'd

something

in her heart

tug

his caramel- brown eyes defiant as 'It

felt

at Bill

Hudson,

he watched her

carefully.

as she

looked

doesn't matter,' she'd said. 'You can have cake

anyway.'

She took him by the hand and led him to the

table,

where she asked her mother to cut the cake so that could have a

'Not

till

Bill

slice.

all

your guests are here,' Eileen had told

and Claire had snorted and

said that everyone

her,

who

mattered was here and she wanted to do the cake and candles now. It

had almost become

a scene because she'd seen the

look in her mother's eye, but

Bill

had suddenly squeezed

her hand and said he didn't want cake just yet, but

lemonade would be nice and maybe some

OK? And him

Eileen had poured

crisps, for

crisps if that

was

him lemonade and handed

which he thanked her graciously before

trot-

ting into the garden followed by Claire.

She'd never stopped following him. Soulmates, her mother had once

said.

She'd told Claire

grow out of her devotion to Bill Hudson eventually, though, and warned her that Bill would one day find someone else too. She had been anxious about the that she'd

28

How fact that neither

someone gone the

else,

Will I

Know?

of them had ever seemed to want to find

and then

very, very relieved

when

had

Bill

from Dundalk, where they

fifty-odd miles

lived,

to Dublin to study medicine while Claire had opted to

spend

(even though Eileen

a year au-pairing in France

hated the thought of her only child being away from her for any length 'It'll

of time).

be good for you to be apart for

had told her that

first

weekend when

a while,' Eileen

had gone to

Bill

Dublin and Claire was waiting to go to Montpellier. Toil

need to meet other people.' Claire hadn't told Eileen that she

and

Bill

so long, loving each other for so long, wasn't

Nobody

were

five.

just didn't

It

it

for

thing.

Bill

if

thev

seriously

one

they sat on the low wall in front of her house,

two heads, one

regret

So

as

And

happen.

didn't play the field, Claire had told

their

good

a

married the almost-boy-next-door they'd known

since they

evening

had decided

That they'd agreed that knowing each other

that too.

fair,

one dark,

close together, they'd

for ever.

Bill

had gone to Dublin and Claire had flown to

France and they'd promised each other they'd keep

in

would be bound

to

touch but not get too upset when,

as

happen, they met other people.

had been

Claire

the tiny

town of

first.

Floret,

She hadn't expected

it,

stuck in

about ten kilometres south west

of Montpellier, and being worked to the bone (so she

wrote to her mother) by the with. She'd

Simenon,

met him

Irish

couple she was living

in the village square

classically tall,

one

day,

Roger

dark and handsome and as unlike

29

'

Sheila

the attractive but amiable

O'Flanagan

Bill

Hudson

as

was possible

it

to be. Roger, Claire decided, was already a lady-killer.

knew

the moves, he

knew

the right things to say, he

go to the

tered her ceaselessly until she finally agreed to

cinema

in Montpellier

he promised. At a

And

with him.

good

really

He flat-

dinner afterwards,

restaurant.

There was no doubt that Roger was charming and gorgeous and made her heart beat

faster.

night he told her that he had booked a

And

room

then one

for

them

in

a little pension.

She'd stared

at

'You do want

him

this,

wordlessly.

ma

anything you don't want,

mie, but

think

I

'What was the name of the goldfish

down

'I

won't do

it's

time, no?'

don't you?' he'd asked.

my

him abruptly

the toilet?' she asked

dad flushed

as

they stood

outside the restaurant, which had been the best so

He looked at 'What's my favourite 'Huh?'

'Claire, cherie, I

'Who was my

He

far.

her in astonishment. colour?'

don't

—

teen pop idol?'

laughed. 'Claire, Claire.

None of

this

impor-

is

tant!'

'Goldie,' she told him. 'Not very original,

Magenta. George Michael.

not

entirely

convinced

I

like

still

he'd

be

I

know.

him, though I'm

interested

in

me

somehow.' 'So

now

mation,

I

Dejeuner.

Fahey

is

I

know.' Roger laughed. 'And for your infor-

never had a goldfish but

we had

a rabbit called

My favourite colour is black. And I think Siobhan

pretty hot.'

30

How don't love you,' she

'I

Know?

Will I

said.

'And

I

don't want to sleep

with you.'

what the

'Well then

hell has the last

month been

all

about?' he demanded.

'Making

When

sure,' said Claire.

she got back to the house in Floret she rang the

number of

Bill

Hudson's Rathmines bedsit

'What was the name of the goldfish the toilet?' she asked

when he

one o'clock

from France. at

one

'Wnat was

are

to the

down

phone

at his

watch.

morning and voir re phoning me

in the

Why

in the

came

eventually

Dublin.

flushed

few times and looked

'Claire!' Bill blinked a 'It's

in

my dad

you asking

me

a

question

like that

morning?' its

name?' she demanded.

'Goldie,' he replied. 'Like the goldfish he buried in a

matchbox under the gooseberry bush and every other gold fish

you possessed too,

'My

as far as

I

remember.'

favourite colour?' she asked.

'Pinky-purple,' he said. 'Darkish/

'My teenage pop Bill

laughed.

'I

idol?'

was sort of hoping

I

was your teenage

idol.'

'Pop

idol,'

she said urgently.

'George-bloody- when- will -he-come-out-Michael,

,

said

Bill. 'I

love you,' she said.

'I

love

you

too,' replied Bill.

get back to bed? I've an

'Now, any chance

I

can

exam tomorrow/

'I'm sorry.' Claire suddenly realised been.

31

how

stupid she'd

Sheila

'Don't

O'Flanagan

be,' said Bill softly.

Tve

missed you, Claire. I'm

glad you called.'

'I'm

coming home,' she

told him.

'I

can't live without

you.'

She told the

Irish family in Floret that she'd

had enough

au-pairing. Niall

and Theresa Carmichael were devastated

to hear that she

was going because Claire was good with

Amy

and Raul,

who

both adored her, and extremely hard-

working around the house. (Their previous au

do any of the

utterly refused to

had given

little

light jobs

her, like polishing their heavy

pair

had

Theresa

oak furniture or

They offered her more money to stay. But Claire's mind was made up. Six months without Bill Hudson was six months too many. washing the floors every

Con and too.

day.)

Eileen Shanahan were devastated at her return

They might not have

of her

particularly liked the idea

disappearing to France for a year, but they'd believed

was good for her to get away from she was

Bill for a

while.

it

Now

coming home and she'd informed them she was

going to get a job in Dublin. If she can,

The

sourly to Eileen.

Con had

said

jobs market wasn't exactiy flourishing

at the time. It

took Claire two weeks to get the job

Her typing had

insisted she

at

Locum

Libris.

were good, thanks to the course Eileen

skills

go on while she was

in her last year at

school, she had an easy, pleasant telephone

manner and

she picked up the medical jargon really quickly.

'You pissed

damn

me

quick for

But the two

off,'

all

of

girls

Eavan told her

later.

'You were too

us.'

got on well together, even though

32

How Eavan had shrieked after joining the

wearing

Will I

Know?

when,

in disbelief

a

couple of weeks

company, Claire had arrived

a sapphire ring

on the

and told them that she and

at

the office

hand

third finger of her left

Bill

would be getting married

the following year.

not that

'It's

you

evening that

don't think you should get married

I

truly love this guy,' she'd told Claire after

when

they'd gone for a celebratory drink.

don't see

I

man. You're

work

why you need

in the

to

tie

prime of your

yourself

life,

'It's just

down

Claire.

if

that

to

one

You should

be hitting the clubs and having a good time/ 'Hitting the clubs and desperately seeking

you

Claire informed her. 'But

see,

Mr

Right,'

Eavan, I've found him

already.'

And

indeed,

when

Bill

had turned up

at

the

Locum

Libris Christmas party with Claire, looking breathtakinglv

handsome

maybe

in

his

Claire

had

rented tux, Eavan had conceded that a point in

marching him up the

aisle as

quickly as possible. Because, Eavan told her, he was so

damn

cute and gorgeous that unless she got a ring on his

finger pretty quickly there

would make 'I

a play for

was no doubt some other

woman

him.

wouldn't be interested,' he told Claire when she

repeated the conversation to him that night.

been interested

in

'I've

never

anyone but you.'

She was nineteen.

He

was twenty. She had never,

for

one second, regretted marrying him. She cupped her face

in her

hands and willed herself not

to cry. She'd allowed herself to cry at

first. Bill

had always

told her that tears were an important part of the body's

33

Sheila

mechanism and she knew

healing

came

there stop.

And

a time, she

she was

was damned

if

damned -

that he

when

thought,

she bit her

was

right.

But

the tears should lip fiercely

she was going to cry for the

months when she was by be

O'Vlanagan

first

- she

time in

herself in the house. It

would

giving in to Eavan's interfering words. She just

like

wasn't going to do

it.

Her father, Con, He'd squeezed her hand very hard as they got out of the car at the church and told her that he hoped she'd be very, very happy and that Bill was a great man who'd Eileen had cried at her wedding.

hadn't.

be a wonderful doctor and that she couldn't have chosen better.

And

he smiled

cried, as she

at

her and said that

when

Eileen

was bound to do, Claire wasn't to think

it

was because she harboured any doubts about them. Just that everyone cried at weddings.

The night

before, Eileen had asked her whether she was

absolutely sure that this was

was marrying someone

Her job was

their

what she wanted to do. She

who was

still

main income.

It

studying medicine.

was going to be

a

terrible struggle. 'I

don't care,' Claire told her.

'I

don't doubt that for a moment,' agreed Eileen.

just

- oh,

into debt, having to

fun.'

the best time

He's going to be a

money

will

'It's

down, running

worry about so many things when

'Eavan said something is

love him.'

darling, you're tying yourself

you should be having

Hudson

'I

like that,' Claire told her. 'Bill I

ever had.

brilliant

come.'

34

He

always will be.

doctor and eventually the

How Actually

it

Will I

Know?

had taken time before the money started to

come. The week that

Bill

joined a general practice in North

Strand, Claire discovered she was pregnant. She never told

Georgia that she'd been unplanned -

after

all,

once

as she

said to Eavan, they'd always intended to have children, just

not

the time Georgia was conceived.

at

accepted the fact that

it

But she

had happened and, besides, her

daughter was without doubt the most beautiful baby

grown

the world. She'd

good

teenager, thought Claire, a lucky mixture of her features (like thick hair

brown

big

in

into a pretty child and a stunning

and good cheekbones) and

Bill's

eyes and long lashes. She was a happy, well-

adjusted child too. They'd done well with Georgia. Claire felt the pain grip her again. Bill

of

started in a

had been so proud

She remembered the day Georgia had

his daughter.

new

school and he'd looked

uniform, hair pulled back into a

at

her

Lara Croft

fat

in

her

plait,

and

he'd been quite unable to speak until Georgia had kissed

him on

him they'd

the cheek and told

better get going

because he was dropping her off or had he forgotten. It's

not

fair,

thought

Claire. It's not fair that he

won't

grow up and have a career and hopefully a wonderful marriage of her own; it's not lair that he'll never get the pleasure of this house and garden when buying it get to see her

dream come

was

his

it's

not

fair

life

had

it

that

true for the present and for the future;

someone who was so damn good

She closed her eyes and as

all

his

cut short so horribly.

though no time

at all

and yet she knew that

it

bit

her

lip.

Sometimes

had passed since had. But

35

it

it

it

seemed

had happened,

was almost impossible

Sheila

to figure out

O Flanagan y

what had gone on

Those days had merged into

knew

a

in the intervening period.

jumble of time when she

that she'd kept going but couldn't

remember how.

But she remembered the day everything had changed. Because

it

fact, after

best

had been

marrying

week of her

at the

Bill

and

end of

a

wonderful week. In

after the birth

life.

36

of Georgia, the

Chapter U

Dicentra (Bleeding Heart) - Locket-shaped

pink or

red,

Can

on arching, slender stems.

flowers,

be

mainly

damaged

by

cold winds.

been on

They'd and

it

their

had been an

first

overseas holiday in

utterly

The

all-inclusive five-star resort in Jamaica.

the whole thing was that utter astonishment

of

a

had been

in

an

best bit about

free - to Claire's

and amazement she'd been the winner

competition on the back of

had never quite believed tions

it

yean

five

wonderful ten days

that

a cornflakes packet.

anyone

really

won

on the back of packets of anything. But

had dropped on to the mat on

November day of low

a

She

competithe letter

particularly dreary

clouds and drizzling rain and told

her that the family holiday had to be taken

in the

next

twelve months and to contact the tour operator directly. Claire

that day,

had hardly been able to wait

for surgery to

end

and events had conspired against her because

there had been a steady stream of patients presenting themselves with the

hacking coughs and runny noses that were

37

O'Flanagan

Sheila

always a feature of November.

It

was on days

she wished she hadn't given up her job with to

work

full

time as

Bill's

like this that

Locum

Libris

and administrator.

receptionist

Joe Halpin, the office manager at the printing and publishing firm, had tried very hard to persuade her to stay.

Over the

years Claire

had become

a valuable

member

of the company, with her knowledge of proof-reading and copy-editing, not to mention her quick grasp of the

computer software which had transformed the But she told Joe that her husband's need was latest receptionist

had

just

handed

industry.

greater.

His

in her notice (she'd

decided to take a year off to backpack through the Himalayas) and had already started to wind down. The responses to the ad he'd put in the paper had been decidedly

underwhelming - although there were plenty of

people prepared to work part-time, nobody really wanted the full-time surgery hours - and in the

end

Claire

had

made more sense for her to stop commuting across the city to the new offices of Locum Libris in Dun Laoghaire when she could simply walk down the stairs and decided that

it

into the basement it

would

give her

and be

at

work. Besides, she'd told

Eavan (who'd got married herself despite telling Claire that aisle

a

Bill,

more time with Georgia. a

few years

earlier,

nobody would drag her up

the

before her thirty-fifth birthday), had told Claire that

husband and wife working together wasn't always the

best idea, that they other.

And, she

said that her that,

how

would be

sick

of the sight of each

said darkly, if Bill spoke sharply to her or

work wasn't good enough or something

the hell was Claire going to react?

38

How

like

could

How she

Know?

to sod off, that she was

Bill

tell

spend

entitled to

Will I

a bit

up to her neck and

of time gazing into space

she

if

wanted? Claire

had laughed and told Eavan that her work would

always be

good enough and

space. After his deputy,

that she rarely gazed into

she reminded her, hadn't Joe Halpin and

all,

Trinny Armstrong, both begged her to

Btay

because they said they couldn't do without herr They'd hardly have offered her a pay it

might have been,

if

rise,

stingy

and

though

all

they hadn't thought she was good

enough. Eavan's direst prophecies hadn't

working with

Bill

come

true. Claire loved

and the practice ran more smoothly than

ever before. Sometimes, as they lay beside each other in

bed

wondered how

at night, Claire

it

was that she had

been so lucky to meet her soulmate when she came across so

many people who

regularly

came

hadn't. Like Margaret Reilly,

who

to the surgery claiming to have walked into

the corner of the door

when everyone knew that after a thump her. Despite

couple of pints Terry Reilly would Bill's advice,

the

woman

wouldn't leave him.

wouldn't report her husband and

And

Claire's heart

would go out

to

her every time Margaret walked in with a bruised cheek

or forehead. Samantha Walton was another regular

surgery

who

at

the

hadn't been lucky with her choice of husband.

Martin Walton was

a

serial

Samantha trichomoniasis. And

philanderer who'd given Bill

had then had to

talk to

her about the very real possibility of Martin picking up

more

serious sexually transmitted disease

Samantha with

that too.

There were other women,

39

a

and infecting

women

O Flana0an }

Sheila

who'd

left their

who were

in

husbands, whose husbands had

unhappy marriages

.

.

.

they

left

came

all

them, to the

surgery with illnesses that were sometimes physical but often a result of the stresses of their Claire

thanked her

Lillian or Beatrice, she

that she

had

Bill

and every time

effort

own

very lucky star

Hudson.

But the only thing about

much

lives,

saw Margaret orSamantha or Fiona, Sharon, Esther,

was

Bill

his

work

he put into the practice and

they had to spend together as a family. So

had seen the amazing news that she'd was no doubt

Bill

the at

in her

And

the trip of a lifetime.

- how

little

when

time she'd

November morning and

ripped open the envelope that

tion, there

ethic

how

mind

won

the competi-

that this

would be

that they were going.

had agreed. He'd picked her up and swung her

air,

in

and Georgia had come into the room and looked

her parents in total astonishment and then had been

caught up in the whooping and hollering of the excite-

ment of a week in Jamaica. They went in February, leaving behind a freezing cold snap

a city caught in

where people's breath hung

in misty

clouds in front of their faces and where running the central

heating

all

day

(Especially a

still

their renovations, It

didn't

house

make

like Bill

still

the house completely warm.

and

Claire's which, despite

all

allowed heat to escape somehow.)

had been even colder

in

London, where they had

to get

the connecting flight - the skies were heavy and grey with yet- to -fall

pushed eyes

its

snow, and

when

way through

and gripped

their

huge plane

lifted

off and

the clouds Claire had closed her

tightiy to the

40

arm -rest of her

seat, terri-

How fied

Will I

Know?

by the bumping and shaking of the

convinced that they were

all

and

aircraft

going to plummet to

their

deaths.

Both

Bill

and Georgia had laughed

at her.

Bill

had

started to explain about the safety of air travel and engine

thrust and just like

lift,

while Georgia had said happily that

being on

a roller-coaster

and wasn't

it

it

was

great fun,

but Claire had continued to hold the arm-rest and

begged them not to move

just in case thev tipped the

plane over.

She'd managed to recover once they punched their

through the top of the clouds into the above and the turbulence eased over the Adantic she'd

let

\\a\

clear blue skies

By the time they were

off.

go of the arm

And

rest.

landed in Jamaica she'd almost got over the 'But you flew to France on your own,'

as

thev

terror. Bill

told her

when

she'd explained that she'd hated every minute of the

flight

from Dublin to London too.

were C

I

l

I

didn't realise you

scared.'

didn't really think about

France,' she said.

coming home

it

when

was too excited to

I

was going to

I

was too busy missing you to

'I

added, "both times the weather was great and

we bumped even

care.

Besides/

notice.

I

And she-

don't think

once.'

'You're such a fool.' But he kissed her

on

the

lips

anyw av

while Georgia tried to pretend that she didn't know them.

The resort near Montego Bay was absolutely wonderful. Even though the hotel had nearly two hundred rooms and was almost

full

when

they arrived,

its

huge gardens

and long stretch of private beach meant that

41

it

never

O'Flanagan

Sheila

seemed too crowded.

Bill,

Claire

and Georgia spent

their

days sunbathing, windsurfing and snorkelling, and their nights eating their

wahoo and

way through

a

menu of jerk

chicken,

lobster while happily (in the case of Bill and,

to a lesser extent, Claire) drinking a variety of exotically

named and

Georgia was

brightly coloured cocktails.

equally happy to order vibrant fruit punches garnished

with maraschino cherries and pineapple pieces.

them

that

she'd put

it

was healthy

on

vitamin

he

D

who

said.

at

him

in disbelief.

told

Bill

reckoned that

at least a stone over the course

had raised an eyebrow healthy,'

eating. Claire,

of the week,

'Of course

it's

'Fresh food, fresh fruit and loads of

from the sun.

How much

healthier

do you

want?'

'When you put

it

like that

.

.

.'

up to

Claire snuggled

him.

'We nee4 to go on holiday more

my

'It's

tice

fault, Claire. I've

and making

it

often,'

he told

been so caught up

her.

in the prac-

a success that I haven't given

enough

time to you or Georgia.'

'You give us plenty of time,' said Claire. 'You're always there for us.'

'No,' Bill objected. 'I'm there because the surgery

the house, but

it's

not the same thing.

It's

not that

I

is

in

want

to drastically cut back the surgery hours or anything, but I

need to get a better balance

in

my

life.

And

yours.

And

Georgia's.'

'She won't say

'And

I

no

to seeing

more of you,' agreed Claire. more of you outside the

guess I'd be happy to see

working relationship too!'

42

'

'

How you

'Well,

Know?

will,' said Bill firmly.

Work

eyes, Claire.

Will I

This has opened my

isn't everything.'

'I'm glad you think so.' She kissed him very gently on the ear. 'Because

home

think the

I

balance

is

going to

shirt

a little regardless.'

'Huh?'

He

looked

at her.

'Call yourself a doctor!' I've

'Claire!' Realisation

'Well done,

'But this

Georgia

will

hope

'I

he

laughed. 'Absolutely wonderful!

said.

be pleased.'

so.' Claire

after

looked

him

at

for so long

blame myself

we'd wait

suddenly dawned. You're pregnant!

great,'

been on her own 'I

think

cocktails?

Dr Hudson.' She

is

Why do you

She grinned.

been circumspect with the

a little ruefully. 'She's

.' .

.

for that too,' said Bill.

Georgia but

didn't

I

k

I

mean

know we

said

us to wait so

long.' 'It's

hardly your fault that

away when

I

didn't get pregnant straight

I

stopped taking the

pill,'

said Claire.

'Maybe not, but 'And

shit

it

doesn't matter

now because

should have known.'

'I

I

am,' she told him.

frowned, i must be

Bill

husband not to have known.

And

a shit

a reallv

doctor too.'

She laughed again. 'You're always the worst patients/ she told him. 'So

maybe you're

entitled to be crap at diag-

nosing family stuff too.' 'I

love you,' he said.

'I

love

'I've

you

too.'

loved you since the

moment

you.'

43

I

first

set eyes

on

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'Because

was the same

'I

know,' she

'I

wonder how many people can

said.

it

for me.'

say that they

met

their

future partner at their fifth birthday party.' 'I

wonder how many people stayed with them

if

they

did.'

'I'm so glad

And The

we make

last

it

work,' he said.

time she kissed him was as they lay on the pontoon

off the bay of the hotel. to

it

she kissed him.

on the

final

The

three of

them had swum out

morning of the holiday so

had told them, when they got back to the air at

home

that, as Claire

frosty

February

they could close their eyes and remember

toasting themselves in the Caribbean sun. Georgia, especially,

loved lying on

it,

allowing the sun's rays to

warm

her body as the floating deck beneath her bobbed up and

down.

When

she got too hot she

would stand on the edge

and dive neady and cleanly into the below. Sometimes she

crystal-clear

would challenge

Bill

water

or Claire to a

and eventually one or the other of them would rise to her taunts. On the day of the accident, neither of them felt like moving. race back to the beach

'I'll

race her,' Bill said eventually.

I'm not going to hold back. That by

far. I'll

'Macho I

whip her

'And

girl's

just for

once

getting too cocky

little ass!'

bully,' said Claire.

'Don't worry. You stay there.

could probably do with working off some poundage. I'm

sure the baby will be grateful.' 'You'll lose,' 'I

he told

her.

know,' she said and kissed him.

44

How

Know?

Will I

She was vaguely aware of the roar of an engine

as she

stood on the pontoon and dived into the water. What she

know was

didn't

sound was from an out-

that the engine

of-control jet-ski which was heading straight for them.

Almost jet-ski

soon

as

had struck out

as Claire

crashed into the

wooden pontoon,

teen-year-old driver into the

beneath

Bill

Claire

flinging

slicing the

air,

Hudson and then

rock and concrete

for the shore, the

careering madly into the

was aware of the enormous

tidal

rush that dragged fizz

and then the loudest bang she'd ever heard that was the last thing she

woke up

in hospital

Her

frantic

first

seven

few yards am ay

jetty a

her under the water, the sudden silence and

And

its

wood from

of bubbles

in

her

remembered

life.

until she

with Eileen sitting beside the bed.

thought had been of Georgia. Eileen had

taken her by the hand and told her very, very quickly that she wasn't to worry, that Georgia was alive and that she'd

be

all

right.

She had

injuries, Eileen said, but they

were

mainly superficial cuts and bruises. Although - Eileen swal

lowed hard when she in the accident.

The

said this little

- Georgia had

finger of her

been crushed between the rock and it

lcrt

lost a finger

hand.

couldn't be saved. Claire had stared

at

her mother in

shock

'Bill?'

even though she knew there was no point

moment

She'd known, from the

Georgia was

'He ... ski

all

his

had

heard the words. Then she whispered,

silent

as she

It

piece of debris And

a

in asking.

Eileen had told her that

right, that Bill wasn't.

neck was broken,' Eileen told

caught him and

.

.

.

well ...

45

it

her.

'The

jet-

was instantaneous.

Sheila

He

Claire.

The

didn't suffer.

Claire couldn't speak at

O'Vlanagan

driver of the jet-ski died too.'

and

couldn't

-she

She stared

cry.

her mother, dry-eyed.

was pandemonium.' The

'It

down

Eileen's face.

'At

had begun to

tears

Georgey had been drowned. They couldn't was the explosion, you

Some of

see,

Con

'You're OK,'

was

leg. It

when

by

hit

was

.

.

.

There jetty.

They gave them

unbelievable.'

told her. 'Your

flying debris

see you.

the jet-ski hit the

the tourists took photographs.

to us, for the insurance. It

roll

people thought you and

first

main injury

and your knee

is

is

your

damaged.

You've hurt your hip too.'

'My

baby,' whispered Claire.

'Besides her finger, bruises,'

Con

said.

my

'What about

Georgey has

lots

baby?'

of scrapes and

'She was furthest away but the huge

wave knocked her against the

jetty.'

Eileen took hold of Claire's other hand. 'The unborn baby,' she said with difficulty. 'Oh, Claire,

You

lost

And

I'm

so, so sorry.

it.'

then Claire cried,

at first

with

silent,

heaving sobs

and then louder and louder so that eventually hurried into the

room and shooed Con and

a nurse

Eileen out

before sedating her.

She opened her eyes and looked again.

come of

She

rarely allowed the

to the surface of her

Bill,

computer screen

mind any more. Doctors,

had recommended counselling

refused. Claire

patients

at the

memories of the accident to friends

for her, but she'd

had often suggested that some of

Bill's

needed counselling when they discovered they had

46

How

Know?

Will I

serious illnesses, but she never

felt

was anything that

it

could help her personally. She had reserves, she once told Bill,

draw on. And when he'd asked what they were,

to

she'd replied that they were knowing that there was

someone still

like

him who loved

her.

Now

that she didn't

need to

talk

own

to anyone.

muttered to Eileen who'd asked about

was gone, she

Bill

clung to the feeling that she had her

it,

reserves ^nd

Besides, she'd

she didn't want

to relive that day over and over again. She wanted to forget it.

She didn't want to

talk

about

how

she'd

felt

when

she

discovered that her husband was dead. She didn't want to

remember what it was like to walk unsteadily into Georgia's room and see her little girl a white face against a white pillow in the hospital bed, the cut on her cheek standing

out because of the six stitches

eyes

when

it

Claire

had come

Claire

faintly despite

her swollen

gone back to felt

it

and the

in to see

her and had smiled

lip.

had put her arms around her daughter and told

her that she was

had

purple bruise around

livid

had needed. Georgia had opened her dark

all

right.

Georgia had sighed deeply mu\

sleep without saying anything,

and ("Lure

only relief that her daughter was awake ^md despite y

her injuries, in no danger. Claire

had to

looked

at

tell

It

was on the second

her about

Bill's

visit,

when

death, that Georgia

her silently and then cried. At

first

Claire hadn't

even realised that Georgia wasn't speaking. Words seemed unimportant. But

when

were responded to by

a

all

of her questions to her daughter

shrug or a squeezing of her hand,

Claire suddenly realised that

The doctor had

something was badly wrong.

told her that Georgia was traumatised

47

O'Vlanagan

Sheila

by the accident and that she would speak again

managed

she'd

the impression that Georgia

when

she

When

felt able.

a

would

soon

as

He'd given

to deal with everything.

talk in a

as

Claire

day or two,

week went by and

daughter hadn't uttered a word, Claire began to

still

feel

her

more

and more panicked. At the same time she had to help with

them

the arrangements to get

was

Bill's funeral,

parents, Jessie

all

although she

home. And then there

left

most of

that to his

and Seamus, happy to go along with what-

ever they decided. Very few people were aware that Georgia didn't say anything that day, although Jessie had remarked

to Claire that the

little girl

was very

quiet. Claire left

until after the funeral to tell Bill's parents that the

of the accident had speak.

Georgia temporarily unable to

left

They'd looked

at

it

shock

her in horror, their faces mirroring

own fear that Georgia might never speak again. Nobody could really give her much information on

her

Georgia's sudden silence.

-

best because of Bill

The doctors - and

cally

wrong. Georgia was checked by

gist.

A

to

psychiatrist told Claire that

come

unheard

wasn't able to

He

It

wasn't

he explained, for people to retreat into silence

when confronted with again.

a leading neurolo-

Georgia needed time

what had happened.

to terms with of,

she'd had the

was nothing physi-

said that there

tell

a

life -changing

her when, or

if,

trauma. But he

Georgia would

talk

suggested time with a therapist which Claire

(even though she wouldn't have anything to do with one herself)

had agreed to immediately. And Georgia had gone

along to every

visit

and had stayed perfectiy

silent the

whole time. Claire knew that her daughter could under48

How

Will I

Know?

stand everything that was being said to her. She knew that she wasn't in any way brain -damaged. But she was tearful all

the same.

The weird thing was, she remembered, that Georgia had developed a way of communicating with her almost immediately.

Of course

Claire spoke to her daughter

all

the time,

but Georgia herself responded with hand signals

d\u\

gestures which were breathtakinglv easy to understand,

even

when

the issue was complex. Claire had to work hard

to stop herself from using signals in return. She also tried to ask Georgia difficult questions, hoping

it

would

her to speak, but Georgia had remained obstinately It

want

wasn't as though she didn't

conceded, but

somehow

to

talk,

force silent.

Claire

she simply wasn't able to put her

thoughts into sounds.

The breakthrough, when

it

came, w

as

sudden

.\nd

pected. They'd been sitting together in the living

watching an episode of Malcolm

Phydough, bought by

juice

the

room

Middle when

Claire a few weeks earlier in the

hope of unlocking Georgia's

room wagging

in

unc\

silence,

had trotted into the

his tail excitably. Georgia's bottle

of orange

had been balanced precariously on the arm of the

sofa in defiance

of

a request

from Claire to put

it

some-

The dog's tail caught it and upended it on to Georgia's lap. She'd jumped up in dismay ^\k\ cried out

where

safer.

Phydough's name.

Both Phydough, who'd never heard her voice before,

who,

moment,

didn't realise what had

and

Claire,

just

happened and was watching the bright orange

stain her pale

for a

green sofa, looked

49

at

Georgia

liquid

in surprise.

Sheila

And Georgia

herself had whispered

and over again

had

O'Flanagan

though

as

she-

was

A

sister, Lissa,

them

talked to

and they'd

when

Bill

in a voice that

all

was

still

laughed and joked with her

all

was

and

his wife Colette,

his

and her husband Matthew. Georgia had a little croaky

done

as they'd

alive.

miss him,' she'd told Claire hoarsely later that night

when was

of Georgia's

small party - both sets of grandparents, Bill's

younger brother, Graham, and older

They'd

afraid to stop.

a family party to celebrate the return

voice.

'I

Phydough's name over

they'd

all

gone home.

'I

wish

me

had been

it

that

killed.'

'Georgia!' Claire was horrified. 'Your

wanted you to be whole

life

killed.

dad wouldn't have

You're young - you've got your

to lead.'

'But he only led half of

his,'

she said sadly.

'It's

not

fair.'

'No.' Claire fair,

hugged her

close. 'It's

not

'You miss him too,' said Georgia. didn't

want him to

'Of course hair.

was

fair.

But

life isn't

Georgey-girl.'

'But

I

wouldn't trade you for him

a terrible thing for

And

that

it.

You

all

of us. But you and

wavy

either. It

me -

we've

living.'

was why, she thought to herself as she

keyboard and woke the computer from back to work with

who had

can see

not,' said Claire into Georgia's long

certainly

got to go on

'I

die.'

Locum

Libris.

hit the

sleep, she'd

gone

She'd called Joe Halpin,

already sent her a card expressing his condolences

because news of

Bill's tragic

death had been reported on

50

How

TV

and

Know?

Will I

newspapers. She'd asked him

in the

there was

If

any copy-editing she could do for them because she needed to be at

home

Georgia but she also needed to earn

for

some money. There was further claim

insurance, she told him, and a

But

to be settled.

still

concerned she couldn't

at

sit

home

as

she was

as

far

with nothing to do.

She wouldn't be able to do that without remembering day after day,

and she didn't want to remember. Not

like that.

Joe told her that he'd be delighted to have her back.

She could do copy-editing

wanted to come always

work

to be

at

home, he

said.

And

done on the

she

If

couple of mornings a week there

in a

\\

as

trade magazines

She thanked him profusely and went back to work. She'd used some of the insurance money to

kit

out the

office,

taking Georgia with her to choose the ice white computer

and the maple desk orange

typist's

and multicoloured

been Georgia's choices.

And now

her word

Joe had taken her

at

prepared to do as

much work

So when

I tell

other furniture. The

as well as the

chair

someone

like

when as

trays

filing

had

Claire truly was busy.

she said that she was

he could throw

at her.

Eavan Keating that I'm too

busy to go out drinking with people from the Smash

&

Grab club I'm not

at

the various

files

eyes and

muttered

me

looked

as she

on the computer's desktop.

of things to keep not. She blinked

lying, she

I

have loads

going. Whether Georgia

away the

tears that

is

here or

had welled up

in

opened the e-mail programme. She knew

Joe had planned to send her

some

additional

files

her that

the

previous night and she hadn't bothered to log in that

morning. So she wanted to download them now.

51

Sheila

Along with

Joe's

files

O'Flanagan

was

a picture sent

from Georgia's

mobile phone of herself and Robyn standing outside the college building.

As u can I

c here

now, Georgia had written, all OK. Bibifn.

love her, thought Claire as she looked at the photo

of the two smiling

happen to

To be

girls.

her. She's the

I

don't want anything ever to

most important thing

honest, the only important thing in

52

in

my

my

life.

life

any

Chapter

Ligularia (Golden Rays) - Yellow space

and some

The white

shade.

fluffy

5

and orange flowers. Needs

Water copiously

in dry weather.

clouds that had dotted the sky

morning had gradually disappeared during leaving a vast expanse of

and the

rest

unbroken

blue.

seats in the

&

Grab club

for drinks, decided to get to the

as early as possible so that

the

Eavan Keating,

of the people from the Smash

who were meeting

in

the day,

pub

they could stake a claim to some-

beer garden which they knew

would be

crowded. Eavan and Glenn (who didn't play either tennis

who

or badminton but

regularly called in to the clubhouse

near Sutton Cross) arrived 'I

said

do hope Eavan

first

and bagged

Saffy doesn't act

as she

a table.

up on Candida

tonight,'

checked her mobile to make sure she

hadn't missed a message from their eighteen -year-old babysitter. 'She's

been

a devil

all

day!'

'Like her mother,' said Glenn. 'Contrary.'

'Shut up.' Eavan pushed him gendy. 'I'm not in the slightest contrary.

I'm a wonderful person to

53

live with.'

Sheila

OTlanagian

Glenn laughed and went into the pub to get some drinks.

and 'I

He

returned with a glass of white wine for Eavan

water for himself.

a sparkling

was thinking of doing

remarked

as

he

for the price

sat

down

a

water crawl tonight,' he

beside her. 'They're offering

two

of one on flavoured ones.'

'What flavour

is

that?' she asked,

nodding

drink

at the

of him.

in front

'Plain,'

he

ordered

said. 'I'd

it

before

saw the

I

special

offer.'

'So you'll overdose in

on cranberry and

apple?' she asked

amusement. 'Maybe.'

He took a sip of the sparkling water and Eavan smiled at him. When she'd first started going out with him she'd been surprised that he didn't drink alcohol at

her that

it

for the last five years.

He was

Then he'd

all.

was dimply that he didn't drink

it

now and

an alcoholic, he

of the worst moments of his

life

and some

said,

had been spent

told

hadn't

in pubs.

Eavan had been horrified that she'd suggested meeting in a

pub

in the first place

liked the

but Glenn told her that he

atmosphere and the

social nature

that he hadn't stopped going to

stopped drinking alcohol. At him, but

after five years

telling the truth.

drinker

who

And

first

them

of

it

all

just because

still

and he'd

she hadn't quite believed

of marriage she realised he'd been

that he wasn't the kind of reformed

lectured everyone else about the evils of

alcohol. Although, as he told her,

to keep a straight face

it

was sometimes hard

when people around him got drunk.

'And you never want any yourself?' she'd asked. 54

How 'Oh, sometimes

'Sometimes crack

open

I

Will I

crave

I

Know?

he'd admitted honestly.

it,'

think there's nothing I'd like

a beer

fleeting pleasure

and chug

back. But

it

it

more than

would be

to

a very

compared with what would happen to me

afterwards.'

'So

you

if

you want

say that

one drink

just

.' .

.

'That's not an option,' he'd said firmly. 'Never, ever

me

let

have just one drink.'

Now

she leaned across the table and kissed him on the

lips.

'What was that

he asked.

for?'

'Just because,' she told

'And is

starting to arrive!'

who had them

He

walked

just

now/ he

in

it

said.

stood up and waved

The gang

at the

people

beer garden, then helped

in to the

wooden

to drag

him.

you got

just as well

chairs across the flagstones so that

they formed a group together. 'So, Paul,

Eavan

come on - tell us all about Oz,' demanded man in his early thirties joined them. Ik-

as a tall

was wearing baggy cargo pants and shirt. 'It

'Was

it

worth the year

was absolutely

worth chucking 'I

in

brilliant,'

my

job

a

T

Paul told her. 'And totally

for.

I

had

admire your nerve,' said Glenn.

packing

Day-Glo-grecn

off?'

a great time.' 'I

can't imagine just

it all in.'

'That's 'cos said Paul. 'I've

you have Eavan and

no

ties,

so

why

Saffy to

shouldn't

I

worry about,' get around a

bit?'

T

don't mind having family

I've rather missed

my

ties,'

chance to

55

admitted Glenn. 'But

travel the world.'

O'Flanagan

Sheila

manage the world,' Paul said. 'But the no matter where you go, people are still

didn't quite

'I

funny thing

is,

looking for the perfect person to

settle

down

with.'

'What about those Aussie women?' teased Eavan. 'None of them get their claws into you?' 'I'm waiting for the perfect

woman

to

come

along,' Paul

told her.

Glenn chortled.

He

winced

as

'You'll be

Eavan

hit

bloody waiting, mate - ouch!'

him lighdy on

the back of the

head.

'Henpecked,' said Paul

he

as

lifted

the glass in his hand.

'Well, cheers, mates!'

'Cheers!' cried the

Eavan looked of

at

Claire,' she said to

'We got here show up.' 'I

group

in response.

her watch and frowned.

'Still

no

sign

Glenn.

early,'

he reminded

could

her. 'She

still

bet she won't,' said Eavan.

'It's

her

have to

first

fret just

day on her own,' Glenn

'You don't

said.

because you haven't managed to get her

out tonight.'

'Do you think I'm 'No.'

He

interfering too

much?'

put his arm around her shoulders.

'I

think

you're a great friend and she's lucky to have you.' 'Oh!' Suddenly Eavan's hand flew to her dismay. 'I've just thought

mouth

in

.' .

.

'What?' 'I

here.

told her

we were meeting

She might think

it's

for drinks.

at the club.

Sutton instead of Howth.'

56

But

I

didn't say

She might be

in

How

Will I

Know?

'She won't think that,' said Glenn. 'Whenever for drinks 'Yes,

but

we meet

here.'

it's

it's

so long since she's met the whole gang,'

said Eavan.

'D'you want to

'Maybe a

go

each other

at

asked Glenn.

call her?'

should,' replied Eavan. 'But

I

idea. Talking to

.

.

me

had spent most of the afternoon

Claire

a tract

in

her office

on Helicobacter pylon,

bacterium which had been found to cause stomach

She wondered why in certain fields

was that people

it

had to write

in

who were

ulcers.

experts

such a boring way. Surely

the information about Helicobacter pylori could be

more

interesting?

esting because

it

But maybe

it

was only going to be read by other medical

a little less soporific, if still

on the

stairs

leash in his

And

lap.

it

when

she heard

and Phydough pushed

the office door open. She kept reading until the

head on her

make

only for the sake of proof-readers

reading through the papers

the padding of paws

his

made

wasn't meant to be inter-

people. All the same, Claire thought, they could

She was

of

a bit

be a good

it'd

again might put her off altogether.'

ploughing her way through a

we had

I'm not sure whether

.

dog put

then she realised that he had

his

mouth.

'Oh, Phy!' She looked

guiltily at

him. 'Your walk.

I

forgot.'

He 'I

barked

know,

I

at her.

know. I'm

'Can you wait

until

The dog barked

I

a horrible person,' she told

finish

another

him.

five pages?'

again and Claire rolled her chair back

57

O'Flanagan

Sheila

from the desk. 'You know, you're

you

ised at

a

walk

later,

and

right,' she said. 'I

it is later.

Much

her watch. 'Nearly seven, Phy.

of time. Probably because

change into

go

my

tracksuit

it's

I

prom-

She looked

later.'

completely lost track

bright and sunny. Let

bottoms and

and

trainers

me

we'll

out.' Still

with the leash in his mouth, Phydough followed

Claire into her

bedroom where

she took off her navy

and patterned blouse and stood near the

trousers

full-

length mirror in her bra and knickers. She glanced at her reflection

Too

and made

skinny.

a face.

When

people talked about

not being

it

possible to be too rich or too thin, they weren't talking

about her type of skinniness. They were talking about reed-like

bodies.

models with

Her

skin wasn't flawless

(how on

be the wrong side of thirty-five and she

tall,

complexions and toned

flawless

earth could you

still

break out in spots,

wondered - what kind of trick was

that for nature to

play

on anyone?) and her body

Besides, she

managed

certainly wasn't toned.

might be skinny these days but she somehow

to have dimply thighs and a low-slung belly with

the zippered scar of her Caesarean section

still

visible after

more recent other tiny scars on her

fourteen years. And, of course, the

scar

from

her knee surgery and the

legs

were

still

suit.

achingly visible. She reached for her T-shirt and trackBetter to hide

it

all,

she thought. Anyway, most

people looked better with their clothes on. Claire had never quite understood the allure of a nudist beach. Surely

anyone with any degree of concern about the way they looked would be turned into a quivering wreck

58

at the idea

How

Will I

of displaying themselves

Know?

people to

in all their glory for

see!

Phydough watched

she laced up her trainers and

as

checked to make sure they weren't rubbing her

He

hurried

down

the

blisters

ahead of her and waited impa-

stairs

tiendy at the front door while she set the alarm and took

her keys from the

hall table.

'Slow down,' she cried as he hauled her path and immediately

made

for the

down

coast.

the garden

'Phydough!

Heel!'

He

was well trained but eager to get out and about.

She allowed him to drag her down the road and towards the seafront.

The

grassy walk along the north side of the

bay was thronged with people taking advantage of the

change

in

the weather.

Phydough's walked

leash,

Claire

kept

a

hold on

firm

conscious of the other dogs being

in the area too.

He

hadn't had his morning walk

because of Georgia's departure for the Gachacht ^md

was finding

it

difficult to

hadn't intended to make she was

filled

she-

keep him under control. She

this a

long walk either, but now

with guilt and decided that the bacterium

could wait while Phydough had some much-needed c\cr cise.

'We'll

go to Dollymount,' she

told him, 'and then you

can have a run in the sand dunes.'

What does he Just a jumble

And

if

hear

when

I

talk to

him? she wondered.

of sounds, or does each word sound

he can understand walk and

sit

and

no,

different?

how come

he can't understand other things?

The

breeze, blowing from the south instead of from the

59

O'Flanagan

Sheila

bay

as usual,

was warm. Claire

felt

her

spirits lift as

she

matched her pace to that of her dog. She'd spent too long at

one go

was

in front

sore. It

of the ice-white computer and her neck

was good to

stretch out

and walk

in the fresh

air.

By legs

the time they reached the sand dunes, though, her

were

and her ankle was beginning to hurt

tired

She took off her

again.

trainers

Phydough raced

the still-damp sand while

a

little

and socks and walked

in

enthusiastically

through the dunes.

Her mobile rang as she abandoned the task of trying up with him and flopped down on the spiky grass. 'Hi, Mum!' cried Georgia. 'How's it going?'

to keep

happy to hear her daughter's

'Great,' she replied,

'How

What's

are you?

room

gang

my

said.

'Me and Robs

in a Jovely house. It's a bit

cute. Sive

Emma

and

are in a

voice.

like there?'

Georgia

'It's brilliant,'

a

it

are sharing

Laura Ashley but

it's

The rest of the minutes away. Did you get

are staying here too.

house about

five

e-mail?'

'Of course,'

said Claire.

'Thanks for sending

it.'

'The weather's great here,' continued Georgia. 'We've

done

registration

and

stuff this afternoon

and

there's a big

get-together in the college this evening.'

'How's the

'Oh

well,

Georgia, 'so

Irish

we it's

coming

along?' asked Claire.

haven't had classes or anything so really

only having to say things

far,'

said

like please

and thank you. They won't let us have our mobiles switched

on during the day

apparently, so that

by outside influences.'

60

we

can't be tainted

How

Will I

Know?

'Oh.'

'And we're not supposed to keep ringing home and

The Bean an

talking as Bearla.

a great expression, isn't

Claire laughed.

'But

I'll call

keep an eye on

us. It's

of the House?'

has a certain charm.'

'It

when

Tis

Woman

it?

can and text you every night,' prom-

I

ised Georgia.

'Don't get into trouble calling me,' said Claire. is

a

fine. All

good

some

going to be

it's

'Georgia Hudson!

'It's

that you're

OK

W text

and having

up not

fun,' said Georgia.

"And there's

good-looking blokes too.'

really

to pick

is

time.'

think

'I

need to know

I

didn't send you to the Gaeltacht

I

boys.'

my main game

plan,'

Georgia assured

her.

'But

you never know, do you?' 'Indeed.' 'I've

got to go,' Georgia

said.

'What

are

you doing

now?' 'Actually, this

I'm walking Phydough,'

afternoon

when

me away from my 'Poor Phy.' take

him

It

I

got

home and

'Is

'I'm sure he

was normally Georgia's

i forgot

md

prised

responsibility to

when

she got

home

he missing me?' is.'

'Well, look after yourself,

Don't forget to take him 'I

he came

desk.'

for a walk in the afternoons

from school.

said Claire,

Mum.

Don't work too hard.

for his walks.'

won't,' promised Claire.

'And remember what

I

said

61

about the sleazy nightclubs!'

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Claire laughed. 'Sure will.'

'Talk soon,' said Georgia.

,

'Take care,' said Claire and put the phone back in her pocket. She pulled

on her socks and

seagulls but

who

and

trainers again

who was

then whisded for Phydough,

frantically chasing

loped up to her, tongue hanging out of

mouth.

his

'Come

on,' she said.

She clipped

his leash

'Time to go.' back on to

his collar

and headed

towards home. Her phone rang again and she

slid it

out

of her pocket. 'Hi,' she said,

'Claire

'Oh, Eavan, 'Claire,

without looking

Hudson, where the

at the caller

hell are you?'

ID.

asked Eavan.

hello.'

we're

all

out here in the beer garden. You didn't

go to the clubhouse, did you?' For

a

moment

Claire

was tempted to

she had gone to Sutton instead of if

lie

and to say that

Howth. She knew

that

she said she'd forgotten about the drinks that evening

And

her friend wouldn't believe her. forgotten. She'd just pushed

'Um, no, 'Well,

I

didn't,' she

where

are you?'

it

she hadn't exacdy

to the back of her mind.

admitted

finally.

demanded Eavan.

'I

thought you

were going to come tonight.' 'I

didn't promise,' said Claire. 'I'm walking the dog.

got caught up in some stuff

about walking him. So I'm doing 'Oh, Claire! Listen, I'm sorry if I

was

'It's

a bit abrupt with

OK,'

you

said Claire.

62

you

after

it

if

left

and

I

forgot

I

now.'

you thought

earlier.'

.

.

.

well,

How 'Anyway, look,

and

it's

Know?

Will I

not that

late.

Why

come

don't you

and balmy and the gang's

join us? It's lovely

here.

all

He

We're having great fun. Paul Hanratty's back from Oz.

was asking about you

now. Oh, hold on, Claire

just

Claire heard a scuffling noise

The

voice. said.

That was

a

Claire. Pin-

about

though.

how was

'Paul, hi,

deep

rich,

someone had once

thought

definitely true,

his skinny legs,

'Had

and then Paul's

sexiest voice in the club,

Oz?' time,'

fantastic

he told her.

'How

you

are

keeping?' 'Pretty good,' she said. 'Walking the dog.'

thought you were coming out

'I

You're the only reason

show he was

for drinks with

us.

turned up.' But he laughed to

I

joking.

'Sorry, Paul.

I

know

I

half said I'd

come, but

I

got

busy.'

'Well, look, I'd love to see

you again. Catch up on old

times.'

'Oh,

I

don't

'C'mon,

team

know

Claire.

much

there's

to catch up

partner.

We

on/

were the best

in the club!'

'Flattery will get

'Show you fit

if

You were my

you nowhere,' she told him

my Oz

sternly.

photos,' he added. 'In which

I

look

and tanned and much healthier than the pasty bloke

you knew and

loved.'

She laughed. 'You weren't 'You

know quite

well that there

who thought you were

at all pasty,'

was

a small

rather attractive.'

'Not you, though, unfortunately.'

63

she told him.

army of women

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Claire said nothing. Claire.

'Shit, sorry,

I

sounded uncomfortable.

didn't

mean

like

it

that.'

was joking. Not very

'I

Paul

sensitive

of me.' 'That's

'One

OK,'

said Claire briskly.

drink, then.

maybe. Can

'Well,

To show you I let

you

forgive me.'

— Oh

hell!

Phydough!'

'What's the matter?' asked Paul.

'Nothing.

I let

the leash go by accident and

dog's gone frolicking ahead of me.

hung up abrupdy and hurried

I

after

now

the

gotta go, Paul.' She

Phydough.

handed the phone back to

'That's that,' said Paul as he

Eavan. 'She's gone chasing her dog.' 'That bloody dog!' Eavan cracked about the drink?'

it

as she

is

made

a face. 'She's nearly as

about Georgia. So no luck with

*

Paul frowned. 'She said maybe.' 'Really?' Eavan's face brightened. 'That's a big step.'

thought she might

'Is it? I

just

be trying to get

rid

of

me.' 'Let's wait

—

and

Eavan.

see,' said

'If

you haven't heard

from her 'Hey,

I like her, she's

on

click

court,

she doesn't want to

come

'Perhaps she will

between you

you .

.

.

.

.

.

but

a friend.

A good

you know. But I'm not

call.

'cos she

friend,

we used

for a drink, that's her business.'

know

I

there wasn't anything

was married and

she's older than

and you were going out with someone .

.

.

to

calling her again. If

could there be?'

64

else

then

How 'God help

us,

Willi Know?

Eavan, you're kind of jumping the gun

a bit. Like I said, she

was

and

a friend

liked her. That's

I

all.'

'Should

I

mean,

own,

if

Eavan turned to look

just butt out?'

who'd been

'Am home

listening to them.

she wants to rot at

isn't

it

at

Glenn,

trying too hard?

I

for a

I

month on her

her decision?'

'Probably,' said Glenn.

maker anyway!'

He

'And you're

grinned

a hopeless

at Paul. 'Sorry,

match-

mate, she can't

help herself.'

'No

worries.' Paul smiled back.

about Claire and have some

'Phydough!' called Claire

Oh, fucking

as she ran after

k

him. Heel! Heel!

hell

The dog had been running and had raced across the path

One,

'C'mon. Let's forget

fun.'

a girl in her twenties,

in a

zigzag across the grass

in front

of

a pair

of joggers.

had managed to sidestep him,

but her male companion had tripped over him and now sprawled across the grass, Phydough happily licking

'Get

off!'

said the

man on

lay

his face.

the ground as he hauled

himself upright. 'Get the hell off of me, you

mad mutt/

'I'm so, so sorry!' gasped Claire as she caught up with

Phydough and grabbed

the leash.

'It

was an accident.

wouldn't have bitten you or anything, he's

a

He

complete

softie.'

'People with Rottweilers say that,' said the man, Claire estimated

brushing grass from his body,

some poor

who

was closer to her own age, and who was

kid.'

65

'just after

they've savaged

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Phydough wouldn't savage anyone/ 'He was

sively.

said Claire defen-

just a bit overexcited.'

'He's gorgeous.'

The

girl

leaned

down and

petted him.

'Oh, come on, Nate - he's cute.' 'He's a miniature elephant. He's not cute,' snarled Nate. 'I

think I've twisted

my

ankle.'

'You are such a baby!' The

girl

winked

at Claire.

'I

must

apologise for him,' she said. 'He's not normally such a

grouch. But we've been under a bit of stress

lately

what

with getting our business off the ground and everything.

And of course You

about.

wouldn't believe

Nate looked grimly

'Sarah!'

own

Nate's had a lot of stuff of his

just

need to know our

how

.

at her. 'This

woman

doesn't

entire history.'

This time Sarah looked abashed.

'Sorry.'

to worry

.' .

'I

do ramble

a bit.' 'It's

let

OK,\ said

go of 'If

him

you

making

it

was

my

fault entirely. I

hurt.'

dog then you shouldn't have

who was rubbing on with

Sarah. Let's get

really

said I

'And

hope you're not

can't control the

out,' said Nate,

'Come on,

T

Claire.

his leash. I

it.

back gingerly.

his I

know we were

good time before being knocked

was

sorry.' Claire

over.'

was pissed off with him now.

'You can see he's harmless.' 'He's lovely.' Sarah tightened a scrunchie around what Claire guessed

was

a

mass of flaming red hair securely tied

behind her head. The sunlight glinted off

a

huge ring on

her engagement finger. Claire couldn't help noticing a gold

wedding band

too.

'And Nate

The only thing hurt

is

is

being unaccountably rude.

his pride.'

66

How Claire smiled at her,

Will I

Know?

and Sarah's green eyes sparkled.

Her husband (though Claire couldn't understand why such a grumpy man was married to such a friendly girl) had finished brushing the grass Claire in annoyance. She his eyes It

was green,

from

like Sarah's,

and looked

his clothes

was surprised to

see that

and the other

at

one of

a vivid blue.

made his irritated look even more disconcerting. 'My pride isn't hurt,' he said. 'My back is. And so's my

ankle.'

'Oh, you're swear you'd

fine,'

said Sarah.

fallen fifty feet

Men. You'd

'Honestly.

or something.' She laughed

suddenly. 'Just as well you're not any

taller.

You'd be even

crankier.'

He was

tall

enough, thought

and broad-shouldered. But

a

Claire.

At

over by a dog as gende as Phydough. Even

weighed

ably

'I'm

all

as

much

foot,

Phy prob-

if

him.

he conceded, abruptly looking away from

right,'

Claire. 'But

as

least six

complete wuss to be knocked

you need to be able to control

a

dog

that

size.'

do!' Claire was about to protest even more, but Sarah

'I

grabbed Nate by the arm.

'Come on, you

big lug,' she said cheerfully. Til race

you.' Claire shivered as they ran off. She could never hear

anyone say the words Til race you' without thinking of diving into the water to race Georgia just before the ski hit still

the pontoon. She exhaled slowly.

running

her head - the engine sound, the dive, the

in

rush of water

.

jet-

The sequence was

.

.

then the hospital and

67

finally the taxi ride

O'Flanagan

Sheila

to the airport

on the day they were due

was the

taxi ride that

because

it

was then that

fact that she'd nearly

for

That

life.

Bill,

go home.

It

had

it

all

suddenly

hit her.

The

drowned. That Georgia was maimed

the only

man

she'd ever loved, was dead

and about to be shipped home lost,

to

had sparked off her loathing of cars,

and that she'd

in a box;

not only her husband, but also their longed-for second

child.

She'd started to shake in the

tering

taxi,

her teeth chat-

and her body suddenly cold despite the perfect

temperature.

And

still

moment before the accident moment when everything

the

flashed through her brain; the

was exactly

right,

when

she and Georgia and

having the holiday of a lifetime; the

moment

Bill

were

before every-

thing changed completely. Eileen had noticed her trembling and had put her

around

her.

arm

Georgia, on Claire's other side, hadn't seemed

to notice anything. She was sitting staring out of the

window

would

in the silence that

ridden months.

And

Claire

last for

three anxiety-

had struggled to get herself

under control so that she could be strong for the daughter

who needed

her, even

though she

felt like

collapsing in a

heap on the floor of the cab. She'd been fine on the plane. She hadn't cared when they hit a patch of turbulence because right then she'd if the 747 did plunge into the sea it wouldn't make any difference to her. Or to Georgia. The whole family would be together again. And though she tried not

thought that

to think like that, she really couldn't help

it.

But

in the

on the way back from Dublin airport she began to shake again as the memories came back, sharper than ever. car

68

How

Will I

Over the next few weeks idea of getting in a car

Know?

seemed to her

it

made her

that even the

tremble. She knew she

certainly couldn't drive one.

Nobody for a

noticed

week with

anywhere.

She and Georgia had stayed

at first.

Eileen and

When

it

Con and

they hadn't gone

was time for them to come back to

Dublin, Claire had said that she wanted to get the

'Why?'

Con had

'You need to bring 'Bring

holiday

looked

home your

them down next

stuff.

We

Eileen had told train if that

Con

to

cases.'

time,' said Claire.

don't need

train.

her in utter astonishment.

at

'It's

mostly

it.'

let Claire

and Georgia take the

was what they wanted, but to drive down

himself with their things.

Eventually Claire sold

Bill's

gold Toyota. She told

Georgia she wouldn't be able to drive for ages because of her leg. Georgia had shrugged her shoulders and gone

back to watching the TV. She'd never once asked about getting another

The again.

car.

flashback faded and Claire was back

Phydough

sat quietly at

'You know, don't you?' she her eyes

filling

with

tears.

'You

don't act up and run around

her

on the seafront

feet.

bending down to him, know when I'm upset. You

said,

like a lunatic

then,

You're a good, good dog.'

Phydough barked. 'I'm

OK

now,' she

said. 'Let's

69

go home.'

do you-

Chapter

6

Torenia (Wishbone Flower) - Flowers abundantly in a variety

of colours. Needs support. Prefers sun or partial shade.

Almost

a

week

later,

Georgia Hudson

sat cross-legged

on one of the two single beds in the small but warmly decorated bedroom of the house in Galway where she and Robyn, plusfour other girls who were attending the Irish

Pop on her

College, were staying. She was playing Triple

mobile phone, spinning the coloured ease that

would have bemused

to see

On

it.

the other bed,

Claire if she'd

who were

'The great thing about texting

I

do

it

in Irish,' she

murmured

think I'm getting better at

for nuts.

Not

that I'm

after a

much

me grief about who needs it?'

forever giving spell-check,

been there

is

out.

still

that

you don't have

to her friend. 'Although

it.'

'I'm getting better at speaking

up from her game. 'Even

around with an

Robyn O'Malley was tapping

out messages to their friends

to

balls

70

it.'

Georgia didn't look

week. But

at spelling it.

But

I

can't spell

it

Mum

is

anyway.

like I tell her,

with

How Robyn nodded girls

at

'Still, it's

a bit

of fun,

She

isn't it?'

looked

finally

Georgia.

The other

girl

ended the game and nodded. 'And I'm

sorry about tonight.

the

group message to the other

as she sent a

from Dublin who'd come with them to the west of

Ireland.

up

Know?

Will I

I

know you were

looking forward to

ceili.'

Robyn shrugged.

you

'Are

feeling

answered Georgia. 'I'm sorry

'Yes,'

you. But

my

stomach

OK

now r

if I

messed

it

up

for

really hurt.'

Robyn put her phone on

the bedside locker. 'Was

honestly your stomach or was

it

it

1 Jamesie and his mates?

she asked matter-of-factly.

Georgia made a face

at

stomach. The other thing -

Mum

that

it's

her friend. it's

their

doesn't cook half as

much

my

was

really

'It

problem

really.

I

think

red meat as

we

get here and those meatball things at lunch were pretty gross.

I

wanted to go out too, you know.

on Wednesday even though absent-mindedly.

'It's his

.

.

.'

I

liked the session

She rubbed her

problem, not mine.

It

made me want to stay in tonight, Robs, Some people are just ignorant pigs. No, I just

that

I'm

sorry, 'cos

I'm

fine

hand

honestly. felt

sick.

now. You shouldn't have staved

with me. You might have done 'If he's interested he'll

left

wasn't him

still

OK

with Peadar

be there tomorrow/ Robyn

shook out her mane of strawberry- blonde are other blokes out there for you.

hair.

Stiofan

'And there

6

Se, for

example.'

'Oh, come on, Steve's not interested blushed.

71

in

me.' Georgia

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Yes he

'Not fancies

is.'

Georgia. 'Be

really,' said

me

none of them

realistic,

after a while.'

'Nonsense,'

Robyn

'Anyway Steve

told her.

Keogh

Annelise McNally and she told Laureen

said

it

to

... he defi-

nitely fancies you, Georgia.' 'It

won't

last.'

'Don't be so stupid.' Robyn shook out her hair again

and then picked up cule spot us,

a hand-mirror to

on her cheek. 'You're by

and you've got great

examine the minus-

far

the best-looking of

tits.'

Georgia giggled and blushed again. 'Well

you

Robyn picked

have.'

at

her spot.

'I

wish

I

had

a chest like yours.'

'No you

don't,' said Georgia.

What

doesn't stop? years?'

if

I'm

totally

mean, what

'I

huge

if it

in a couple

of

,

Robyn looked

'Like that's a problem?'

at

her in aston-

ishment. 'I

don't want to be kind of top-heavy,' said Georgia.

'Like Jordan or 'You'll

'No

someone.

It's gross.'

be gorgeous,' Robyn assured her.

way.'

'Absolutely,' said

'Gorgeous

girls

Robyn.

don't have scars that

make rude comments.' 'Georgia Hudson, you've you'd need a microscope to

a

mean

stupid blokes

mark on your cheek

find,' said

Robyn

that

sternly. 'It

hardly counts.'

'And what about

this?'

Georgia held up her hand. 'Not

72

How that

it,

Know?

more but Jamesie and Co weren't very

care any

I

about

Will I

nice

were they?'

Robyn looked

at

Georgia's missing

it

accustomed to the sight of

blandly,

little

finger.

you

'Like

said,

comment about

it

isn't

from doing anything 'Messes up

my

Robyn

snorted.

'Look,

I

it's

his

who makes

problem,' she said dismissively. "And anyone

a

worth knowing. Doesn't stop vou

yourself, does

it?'

keyboarding,' Georgia told her.

know that I'm not

a

complete hag or anything,'

Georgia agreed. 'Though the finger makes a difference,

no matter what you say. I know. I know,' she added as Robyn opened her mouth to speak. 'He's a moron. Only thought he was nicer than

...

I

it's

not only

my

that,

face that has scars,

and now

it's

.

.

my arms

.

Anyway, too.' She-

extended them so that Robyn could see the network of tiny white

'And so

.

.

marks that criss-crossed her .

well,

they can have missing any bits

"Cos it isn't Robyn said. 'I

I

slim,

someone without marks and who isn't who their mates can't make fun of?' the marks or the missing bits that count/

wish you were

don't really think

right.'

Georgia sighed. 'But somehow

so.'

'I

told

you - anyone who

look

isn't

worth knowing,' Robyn

cares about the

it,'

said

Georgia ruefully

game on her phone.

73

way people

said firmly.

'But Robs, that's just about everyone think about

tanned limbs.

Robyn, why would anyone want me when

when you

as she

really

began another

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Claire

was

pub

in a

pub at the Pavilion in Dun remember the last time she'd been

sitting outside a

Laoghaire. She couldn't

(or even outside one) at eight o'clock

when

evening, but

that afternoon with a bundle of work, Trinny

had invited her

on

a Friday

Locum

she'd dropped over to

Libris

Armstrong

of the production

for drinks with the rest

department. They were celebrating Trinny 's thirty- fourth birthday. Trinny, with her usual panache, bottle of

champagne and

Claire

tory drink and trying not to

she'd drunk

with

a

remember

that the last time

champagne had been on the Jamaican holiday

Bill.

She listened as

had ordered

was sipping the celebra-

of her colleagues

idly to the conversation

they admired the delicate pendant with a single drop

diamond

that Trinny's boyfriend, Josh,

had given her

for

her birthday and then teased her about the fact that the next diamond he bought her might be an engagement ring. Trinny, as always, insisted that she'd

no

too young to even think about things in her

up the

aisle.

thoughtfully.

her

really.

life

she wanted to

far

more

do before being hauled and regarded Trinny

The other girl wasn't that much younger than

And

yet she it

that being in love

ever happen in

seemed to be

a completely different

only me, Claire wondered,

who

thinks

was the most important thing that could

my

life?

Or

is

that simply because of Bill?

he hadn't been around would

like

still

that there were lots

Claire drained her glass

generation. Is

If

it,

what-

interest

soever in getting engaged, declaring that she was

almost everyone

else

I

be

like

Trinny

now -

here - wanting to have a

time and hating the idea of settling

74

down

good

with one man?

How 'Here you

are!'

Know?

Joanna Harris put

who

front of Claire,

Will I

looked

at

'You were in a world of your

Joanna told

of wine

a glass

in

her in surprise.

own when we ordered/

her.

'I'm not sure

.

.

.'

Claire protested.

'Oh, c'mon, Claire.' Trinny's tone was persuasive. Tfou hardly ever

come out with

us. It's

my

birthday! Celebrate.

1

The unaccustomed

glass

of champagne had gone to her head and she didn't

really

'I

... of course,' said Claire.

want anything

else.

But she couldn't say no. She was

saying no. She raised the glass half-heartedly.

al\\

ays

'Happy

birthday again, Trinny.'

'Thank you.' Trinny grinned. 'I

don't

Joanna. 'So

do

know why you

celebrate

them

try to pretend they don't

'I

I,'

six

all,'

muttered

said Trinny's assistant, Rosie, gloomily.

might want to be foodoose and fancy been

at

happen these days.

months

since I've

free,

fc

You

Trinny, but

gone out with anyone and

1

it's

Pm

a year older than you!'

Hah! thought

me who

Claire, a

thinks love

is

little

triumphantly.

'Teh, tch.' Trinny shook her head.

T wouldn't mind

It isn't

only

important. Rosie does too.

that,' said

'Men

tie

you down/

Rosie with amusement, i

believe those fur handcuffs can be a great turn -on.'

T

like

them.' Petra Matthews admitted with a smile

while the others laughed raucously. 'And

I

like

being blind-

folded too.' Claire looked at Petra in surprise. Fur handcuffs! blindfolds!

gone

for

And

She wouldn't have thought that Petra would Ye

something

like fur

handcuffs or blindfolds. She

75

Sheila O'Flanajjan

looked

too ordinary for that sort of

far

member of

Celia, the final

nodding knowledgeably

as

and other sex toys

vibrators

stuff.

And now

the production team, was

Trinny oudined the merits of

bedroom. I'm so hope-

in the

less

and out of touch, thought Claire

and

Bill

despairingly.

And me

must have had the world's most mundane sex

ever even

though

it

seemed pretty

all

right to

me

life

at the

time! 'All

like to

the same

.

.

.'

Rosie continued more seriously, 'I'd

have someone in

me and

Steve broke

seems to

me

that

a decent bloke

it's

my life

months

since

up and to be honest with you

all it

again. It's six

abso-fucking-lutely impossible to find

out there. I'm fed up with

one -night stand to one -night

flitting

from

stand.'

'At least you're having one-night stands,' muttered Petra. let

of

'I

can't

remember

the last time

alone a ©ne-night stand.

And

I

even had a date,

I really, really

miss a bit

sex.'

Joanna laughed

harshly.

'Depends on the

sex.

David's

performance in that department got rapidly worse and

mean, he thought he was

worse.

I

going

at

though

I

it

hammer and

told

from time to 'Is

that

him

a

great, he

tongs was what

little bit

I

thought that

wanted even

of finesse wouldn't go amiss

time.'

why he ended up

with the blonde?' Petra asked.

'Oh, darling, there were loads of blondes,' cried Joanna.

'Redheads and brunettes too, I'm sure. Unfaithful bastard.'

'What exactiy went wrong?' Claire couldn't imagine living

with an unfaithful husband.

'Serial

womaniser. But fuck him.' Joanna sniffed and

76

How

Know?

Will I

pulled a crumpled hanky from her bag. She blew her nose noisily

and then looked defiandy

at Claire.

know we

'I

don't see you much, but what about your love days?' she

life

these

demanded. 'Anyone new on the horizon?'

Claire stared at her in astonishment. 'I

mean,

it's

been quite

a time, hasn't

'Have you gone out with anyone

asked Joanna.

it?'

else?'

'No,' said Claire shortly.

'Don't you want

to?'

asked Rosie.

'No,' said Claire.

wish

'I

could put

could think

I

men

too much, even

wrong. At think

if

know

I

least there's

maybe

it'll all

like that.'

my mind

out of

go

Petra sighed.

But

for ever.

it's

I

them

going to go horribly

all

always that brief stage

right.

wish

'I

like

I

And when

when you

you're excited just

about seeing them!' 'I've

got to go.' Claire stood up quickly and the

chair clattered across the flagstones.

'I

steel

need to get home

and walk the dog.' 'Stay,' said 'I

Trinny. 'You haven't even finished your wine.

can't,' said Claire.

'Poor old Phydough

will

1

be going

nuts at home.'

'Hey, Claire, I'm sorry at

upset you.

if I

1

Joanna looked

her anxiously. 'Don't go because of me, for heaven's

sake.'

'I'm not upset,' said Claire. 'Not in the I

enjoyed the drink.

have to get

I

must do

home now.

it

more

least.

often.

Honestly.

But

I

really

nothing to do with you,

It's

Joanna.' 'Well, look, before

you do 77

.

.

.'

Rosie stopped her.

'If

Sheila

O'Flanagan

you're interested in getting out and about, Claire,

might

I

have just the thing for you.. For anyone who's trying to

meet someone,

in fact.'

'I'm not trying to meet someone,' said Claire. 'I C

am,' Petra said. 'What's the story, Rosie?'

A new

dating thing,' said Rosie.

'It's

called

Dinner

in

the Dark.'

'Sounds

So

friends.

dinner in

like

my own

on

'I'm usually

I sit

my

house,' said Joanna bleakly.

because Antonia's off with her

there with the telly

on and

the lights

'Don't be ridiculous,' said Rosie. 'This different.

You buy

tickets

and

it's

off.'

totally

is

basically this big get-

together where you're sitting at a table with total strangers in the dark.'

'OK, Rosie,

singles

think you've lost the plot,' said Trinny.

I

'Listen,' said

Rosie impatiently. 'The idea

is

that

it's

for

and you have to get to know the person beside you

without judging them on

how

they look.'

'Where on earth did you hear about

this?'

asked Joanna

in astonishment.

Rosie was sheepish.

'I

The

her sceptically and Trinny muttered

girls

looked

at

joined an internet dating agency.'

that Rosie could be letting herself in for something

completely dodgy. But Rosie shook her head and said that it

was completely above board. Petra and Celia

with interest

and the Dinner 'You know, it,

girls,

listened

Rosie outlined the merits of the agency

as

in the

it's

we know

the right one! So

I

Dark

not a bad

night. idea,' said Petra. 'Let's face

it's difficult

to find any

man,

let

alone

think you're very brave, Rosie, and I'm

78

'

How

Will I

going to go to your Dinner

might work

for

me.

Know?

Dark

in the

mean - my

I

nose!

thing. Besides, I

of my nose that blokes don't hang round.

it

because

bet

it's

It's

the world's

ugliest.'

'No

who was

not,' said Claire,

it's

her pushed-back

still

standing beside

'And the whole idea sounds

seat.

dart to

me. You're going to see people anyway when they eventually

put the lights on.'

'Yes,

but by that stage you've decided you

them

like

for

their personality,' said Rosie.

think

'I

ally

it

sounds

a hoot,' said Celia.

winding pasta round

'You eat with your

a fork

—

Rosie told her.

fingers,'

the sensual experience, apparently. 'Well,

me

count

'Urn -

'Oh, Rosie! to sign

'Not

you

at

just

It's

There

friends so that

'I

you get

free

member-

cried Trinny. all.'

Rosie looked at her in annoyance.

a

are loads all

Besides,

of guys on

taking the

'And me,'

piss,' said

said. 'It's

said Joanna.

I

guess

in case

'I

it's

Trinny. else

worth

hope they

woman.' 79

worth checking

it.'

was pleased that somebody

don't care.' Petra

k

complete nutter or something.

you the website.

'Probably Claire

HowWiWKnow.com.'

called

have to register so that they can find you

e-mail

out.

'It's

not one of these scams where you have

you do turn out to be I'll

heightens

in,' said Celia.

up loads of

is it?'

'It

1

think you might have to register with the

I

agency,' Rosie told her.

ship,

m\ self sensu-

see

'I

was

sceptical too.

a shot.

I'm

in too.'

cater for the older

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'For everyone,' Rosie assured her. 'I

have got to go,' said Claire. 'Rosie,

really

to hear whether

wouldn't hold 'It's

you meet anyone

my

in the dark,

can't wait

I

but

I

honestly

breath.'

better than not trying to

meet anyone

at

said

all,'

Rosie hotiy. Claire said nothing. 'I'll

you

see

all

in a

The

exchanged glances.

girls

week or

She smiled

so.'

briefly

and

pulled her bag over her shoulder, then walked quickly

towards the train station, breaking into a jog

as she

saw

the snaking green of an approaching Dart in the distance.

She flung herself into a carriage and winced because the run had made her

flat

tan shoes rub against her week-old

blisters again.

She leaned back

had been enjoyable men.

Why

was

it,

think she needed

in her seat

and sighed. The evening

until they'd

someone

else in

nothing but complain about their

men

to her that, in general,

and her experience had been bloke,

all

started talking about

she wondered, that everyone seemed to

her

own

life

when

love lives?

they did

It

seemed

caused nothing but trouble totally unique. If

you were always worried about the

state

you had

of the

a

rela-

you hadn't, you worried because you weren't enough or clever enough to get one. It was a

tionship; if attractive

war zone out there and now Rosie was even bringing technology into the whole thing! She was better off not getting involved. Things were

good

Although, she admitted,

it

for her the

more. For a short while tonight she'd

up again,

in the

way they were.

might be nice to

company of women who 80

socialise a bit

felt like

just

a

grown-

wanted to

How chat and

wind down, even

Maybe

ridiculous.

Know?

Will I

if

the conversation had

she should give in and take up

become some of

Eavan's invitations. At least they wouldn't be something dating and Dinner in the Dark.

as daft as internet

Claire nibbled at the inside of her

know what

lip.

It

she should be doing with her

she was beginning to measure

she could see

how

it

was hard to Suddenly

life.

against other people's and

it

might appear empty and

unrulfilling.

Yet she wasn't on that roller-coaster of emotions that the

women

other

in

Locum

Libris

seemed to

ride.

better? she

wondered. Dull and boring but

your heart

intact?

Or

Which was

at least

keeping

rushing out and about trying to find

someone or something

to light

up your

life?

She smiled

Once you'd had that someone already you could never find them again. If it was so difficult for most women to find the right bloke once, how on earth could they possibly find him twice? And what was the point in getting

wryly.

your heart bashed around while you were looking?

Phydough was bush

in the

asleep

under the enormous Califomian

lilac

back garden, but he jumped up and bounded

over to her as soon as she opened the kitchen door. She

sank to her knees and buried her face

in his fur.

The

great

thing about animals was that they never said anything to

hurt you, never criticised you, never

was something 'Let

me

in

your

change into

life

my

flip-flops,'

'because I've been stupid and

worn

And

then

even though they're

flat.

made you

feel there

that wasn't quite right.

walk.'

81

she told the dog,

leather shoes again,

we can go

for

your

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Phydough barked patiendy in the clipped the lead 'Just a

you out

Am

I

on to

He

at

sat

came downstairs again and

his collar.

quick one round the block,' she told him.

'I

took

lunchtime, don't forget.'

a bit

demented, she wondered, that

better conversation with

When

approval at her plans.

his

hall until she

my dog

I

can have a

than with people?

they got to the end of the road

Phydough

turned towards the seafront but Claire jerked the lead in the opposite direction.

'I

need to get

milk,' she told

we went down there you disgraced me by knocking someone over. And he might have been very rude but these days we were probably him.

'Besides,

time

last

lucky that he didn't threaten to sue you for emotional

damage or something.' Phydough trotted alongside sound of hpr voice and not was

her,

at all

happy to

listen to the

worried about what she

actually saying.

'Oh shop

hey, Phy, look at that.' She stopped in front of a

in the cluster at

The shop

Marino Mart. 'That's new.'

front was painted in sea-green with a stencil

of multi-coloured flowers letters

trailing

over

it

and through the

of the name, which was 'Taylor's

peered in the

window but

it

Florist'.

through the green security mesh. There was a sign

window which 'Should

I?'

said,

Claire

was impossible to see much in the

'Ask about our gardening service.'

She looked

at the

dog.

'I

mean, Phy, that

bush you were under today used to be a neat and tidy little

thing.

But

it's

almost totally out of control.'

Phydough tugged on the

leash to let her

82

know he was

How

Know?

Will I

bored with standing outside

a florist's,

even one

as

deco-

It

would

rative as Taylor's.

'Thing

is,'

she continued,

be awful seeing someone

'it

else

was

Bill's

working

garden.

there.'

Phydough barked. 'But

I

know

he'd hate to see

she said sadly. 'And

grown, can

I?

I

can't

All right,

let it

all

it

in the

get

mess

now/

it is

more and more

right,' she

added

over-

dog

as the

barked again. 'Let's go.'

When

she got

home

again she realised she'd missed two

on her mobile because she'd forgotten

calls

to bring

it

with her (which amazed her, because she'd got used to taking the

phone with her wherever she was going, even

though part of her resented always being there were

in

touch); and

two messages on her answering machine

in the

The first was from her mother, wondering how she was. The second was from Eavan, wondering the exact same thing. Both of them sounded slightly anxious and house.

surprised that she wasn't there. She looked at her mobile

more them five

closely

too.

and

Why

realised that the missed calls

minutes?

She hadn't minded so much death; in fact

it

as

though

in the

aftermath of

Bill's

had comforted her then to know that they

cared so much. But

not

were from

the hell couldn't they leave her alone for

I'd

now

they were driving her crazy.

It's

do anything stupid on my own, she

muttered under her breath. Even though being without Bill is like

being without part of myself.

Georgia had once told her that the hardest part of losing

83

Sheila O'Flanapfan

her finger was sometimes not realising that

any more. That sometimes

nothing to scratch.

'I

it .itched

wasn't there

have to check and see that

gone,' she'd told Claire.

'It's

it's

reaily

hard to believe that some-

thing that's missing can seem so Claire picked

it

even though there was

real.'

up the phone and

dialled her mother's

number. As she'd expected, Eileen had been concerned that there 'd been

I

no

reply earlier.

was walking Phydough,' Claire told

'I

was over

with the

a drink

her. 'Before that

with some work, and

at the printer's

I

went

for

girls.'

'You what?' Eileen sounded utterly shocked.

do

'I

still

function as a

not that

'It's

human

being,' Claire told her.

never go anywhere.'

I

Eileen's silence told Claire that she didn't quite believe her.

'Why don't

I

drop up and see you and Dad next week?'

asked Claire suddenly.

'I

haven't been to Dundalk in ages.'

'Next week?' Eileen sounded slighdy distracted. 'Do you

-

-

I

well, yes,

why

not. Yes, Claire.

Come

as

soon

as

you

like.'

Claire frowned.

Her mother's confusion over something

so simple wasn't usual. 'Is

me

everything OK?' she asked. 'Are you sure you want

to come?'

'Oh

Claire, darling,

such lovely weather.

of course!' cried Eileen. 'And

We

can

sit

in the

thing.' I'll do that so,' said Claire. 'Why don't you stay over?' asked Eileen.

'Great.

84

it's

garden or some-

'

'

How

Mum,

'Sorry,

berserk

if I left

I

Will I

Know?

can't,' Claire replied.

him on

his

Thy would go

own.'

suppose.' Eileen didn't want to get into an argument

'I

it would dog on his own for one night. Til you next week.' Her voice softened. Tm looking

with her daughter although she didn't think matter see

Claire left the

if

forward to

it.'

am I,' said Claire, When she hung up from 'So

her mother, she called Eavan.

'Where were your' demanded her 'You're just like

my

friend.

mother,' said Claire. 'She rang

number and my mobile

usually easy to get hold of you,

'It's

this

too.' '

h.\\\m said,

i was

worried.'

'Why do people worry about me Claire.

'Claire

it

doesn't matter.

reminding you that

me and Glenn you'd

1

—

'Anyway, 'Just

demanded

so much?'

don't worry about you, you know.

'I

like

Was

it's

it

anything special-

Safry's birthday

are having a birthday tea for her.

soon and

We

thought

to come.'

'Who

else

'Well,

no

is

coming?' asked Claire.

one,' admitted Eavan.

and Candida. That's her

babysitter.

k

Just you,

me, Glenn

Wednesday

at rix.

1

'OK,' said Claire.

'OK?' Eavan sounded astonished. a reason

'Why would I

'I

was sure you'd

rind

not to come.' I?'

asked Claire. 'SaffVs

my

god-daughter.

want to come.' 'I

know,' said Eavan.

'It's

85

just that you're

normally

Sheila

working.

Or

something.'

O'Vlanagan

Her tone conveyed

the fact that

much of Claire's usual excuses. 'Do you want me to come or not?' asked Claire

she didn't think

tightly.

'Absolutely.'

see

'I'll

you there

so,' said Claire.

'Great.'

'OK

then,' said Claire. 'I'm off to have a

'See you,' said Claire,

Eavan turned to Glenn looked

at

him

cup of

tea.'

Eavan uncertainly.

'Right,' said

and hung up.

who was

sitting beside her

and

in astonishment.

'She said yes. Just like that.' 'So

I

gathered.'

'That's so unlike her.' 'I

thought you'd be pleased,' said Glenn.

'I

am.' But Eavan frowned. 'And she was out earlier

tonight but didn't say where.'

Glenn

raised his eyebrows. 'Secret lover?'

Eavan laughed. said.

'Claire

'There'll never be

one of

those,' she

might rejoin the human race and come to

three year olds' birthday parties, but

I

know

for sure that

someone else into her life. She's turned Bill Hudson into a model of perfection and no one will ever be able to match him.' 'What would you do if I died?' asked Glenn suddenly.

she'll

never

let

Eavan stared

at

'If something

happened to me?' he asked.

him.

or was run over or something?' 'I

don't know,' said Eavan.

86

'If I

got cancer

How 'Would illness,

new

'Don't

if I

make you more

that

was

'I'd

talk like that,' said

have

I

died from an

someone

Eavan uncomfortably. lonely,' said

Glenn.

Eavan told him.

Saffy,'

and Georgia,'

'Just like Claire

Eavan

'If

likely to find

killed like Bill?'

wouldn't want you to be

'I

Know?

depend?' asked Glenn.

it

would

than

Will I

said Glenn.

said nothing.

'Would you go out with someone from the Smash and Grab?' asked Glenn. 'I've

no

idea,' replied

Eavan.

'I

don't look

at

like

it

that.' 'If I

1 wasn't here would you find someone, though?

'Glenn Keating! You are here.

love you. Stop talking

I

like this.'

'But do you depend on me?' asked Glenn.

'Of course

do.'

I

'Could you manage

if I

This time Eavan looked are

He

'I'm sorry.'

was

just

.

'Don't think

Eavan

bought

.

.

anxiously.

put his arms around

last

you know

well,

at all if

as she

think, think of I

him

'What the

you going on about?' she asked. 'You're scaring

to. I

said

was gone'" at

me

.

.

her.

'I

in

didn't

mean

thinking.'

you're going to think

snuggled closer to him.

bed wearing that new

'If

like

that/

you must

lacy

number

week.'

'Too hot to wear anything kissed her.

.

hell

roc.'

And Eavan

in bed!'

Glenn chuckled and

sighed with relief that they'd got

off the subject of Glenn's mortality at

87

last.

Chapter

7

Oenothera (Evening Primrose) - Mainly pink and yellow flowers; this

It

is

a night-flowering plant. Thrives in

of sun.

was nearly midnight when the phone rang yet again.

Claire

had been

sitting

of wine. She was, in

watching

TV and drinking a glass

fact, slightly tipsy

- owing to the

that she so rarely drank alcohol these days,

much

to influence her.

And

affected her too

much

cumulative. As the

what

It

earlier

hadn't really

she supposed the effect might be

might have

amused her

a

headache the next

to think that she could be

hungover. Those were the days, she thought,

and

Bill

and

feel fine

rang she

fact

didn't take

phone rang she was thinking, some-

ruefully, that she

morning.

it

even though the small amount

of wine and champagne she'd had

when me

could get plastered on a huge bottle of Pedrotti the next morning. But the instant the

felt

unless there

herself sober up.

Nobody rang

at

phone

midnight

was something wrong. She'd been used to

of course, when

who

lots

Bill

was

alive.

it,

There were some patients

thought nothing of ringing him

at

any time of the

How

Will I

Know?

day or night requesting a house

But

call.

was different

it

now.

She picked up the phone and cautiously

'Mum.' Georgia's voice was

faint,

said hello.

and Claire

felt

nervous

adrenaline rush through her body.

'What's the matter?' she asked. 'Nothing,' said Georgia

softly.

'Why are you whispering?' Oh God, thought Claire, maybe it's her voice. Maybe someone's said something to her and triggered off something in her speech again. She

tightened her grip on the receiver and tried desperately

not to panic. 'Robyn's asleep,' explained Georgia. 'Oh.' Claire glass

and took

felt

'Not

really,' said

'Not

really?'

'It's

silly.'

herself relax slightly. She picked

a sip

Now

of wine.

'Is

up her

something wrong? 1

Georgia.

that she'd

rung

Claire,

Georgia was

beginning to wish she hadn't. But she'd been lying single

talk to her

silly,

Georgey-girl,' said Claire gently.

wish you wouldn't

call

'Sorry.' Claire waited.

Georgia needed to 'I

tell

a

said

own

pace.

Georgia slowly, 'how did

right person for you?'

at this

She waited for

that!'

her at her

Claire stopped herself

Georgia had rung

me

There was something wrong jnd

was wondering, Mum,'

you know Dad was the

tion.

her

mother.

'Nothing's 'I

in

bed unable to sleep and she'd suddenly needed to

from asking why on earth

hour with that particular ques-

moment 89

before she answered.

'I

Sheila O'Flanajjan

just did,' she said finally. 'That's

not very helpful,

is

it,

Georgia?'

people say that, but

'See,

I

don't understand

how you

can "just" know,' complained Georgia. 'There must be

something a 'I

cases there

well 'I

more

bit

definite.'

wish there was,' said Claire. 'Maybe

might

It

is.

just

be that

your dad

.

.

.

.

know,

thing to

know. Soulmates.'

I

you.

tell

happen that

It

often.

know

happened

that's a kind

for us but

ecstatic

the same, honey, you'll

lives. All

it

was talking to some

I

and none of them was exactiy

of hopeless

really

doesn't

women

today

about their love

meet someone and you

know. People do.'

T met

someone.'

Claire held her breath.

of

other people's

.' .

'Sorry,' said Claire. 'I

will

in

me and

There was an image

in her

mind

whoever he was, with Georgia now. In her

this boy,

bed. It wasn't supposed to happen. But the hell will

I

cope, she wondered,

if

it

did.

How

tells

me

she's

maybe she

having underage sex? At fourteen? She couldn't be. She

Could

really couldn't. 'I it

thought

it

she?

might mean something,'

said Georgia. 'But

didn't.'

Claire exhaled slowly.

'He wasn't the 'Georgey

.

.

.

sort

'How come

of person

I

it

didn't?' she asked.

thought,' replied Georgia.

Georgia ... he didn't ... try anything,

did he?'

'Oh,

Mum!' Suddenly

Georgia's voice was at nearly

normal volume and laden with

90

disgust.

How 'Well, pet,

rung me here

how would

know?' asked

I

really late at

'I'm very glad you her. 'So,

go on,

spill

I

felt

suppose

'I

wanted to

first

day.

me

it's

talk to

questions

a bit weird,

you about

1

it."

able to ring me,' Claire assured

the beans.'

His name was Jamesie, Georgia

on the very

Claire. 'You've

night and asked

Georgia giggled suddenly. she agreed. 'Sorry. But

Know?

Will I

He was

said,

and she'd met him

absolutely gorgeous-looking,

Georgia added. They'd been standing beside each other in the college cafeteria

to

and got

him again and she'd

she'd be at the next told her he

liked

ceili.

talking. Later she'd

him

a lot.

all

if

She'd said she would and he'd

was looking forward to seeing her

'And did you manage

spoken

He'd asked her

this in Irish?'

there.

asked Claire curi-

ously.

'Sort of,'

Georgia answered. She told Claire that

everyone had been

at the ceili

and that there'd been

lots

of traditional dances, which had been surprising fun. Rut

when his

she went to find Jamesie he was talking to

mates and he ignored

his attention

her.

When

some of

she'd tried to catch

he deliberately turned away. Later she'd

spotted him deep in conversation with another

King, who'd put her arm around his waist

Georgia looking

at

when

them. Jamesie had put

Zoe too and turned away from Georgia

his

Zoe

girl,

she'd seen

arm around

again.

And

then

one of the other blokes had told her that she was wasting her time with him - a guy like Jamesie O'Sullivan didn't need to be seen with someone hand.

91

who

didn't even have a

full

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'Georgia!' Claire was horrified.

'Apparently

Mum,

I

He

he was dead nice before.

must have seen I

my hand. So

I

say that!'

him but

I .

.

.

how the hell will I know in

got that so wrong,

'Oh, Georgia, nobody

'And that bloke needs Georgia laughed

a

really

is,

And he mean, I know

really was.

thought ...

couldn't really be in love with

it's

-

just

if

the future?'

knows,' Claire told her.

good thump.'

shakily.

'Honestiy,' said Claire,

'I

'Mum!' Georgia laughed

me

'He didn't

Georgia's- voice trembled. 'Thing

so.'

can't believe such crap!' a litde

more. 'You never

let

say that.'

'I

know.

I

don't

like it as

an expression. But

some

voice softened. 'You've got to expect

Her

still.'

fellas

to be

morons.' 'I

to

know,' said Georgia. 'But

tell

maybe 'I

I

wish

I

had some idea how

moron and who isn't. And I thought was a way. Maybe you knew.' had good advice for you,' said Claire.

who's, a there

wish

I

that

'I'm

probably the worst mother in the world for that sort of thing.'

'Ah, you're not,' said Georgia. 'You and

Dad were too

good an example, I guess.' 'Are you all right there?' asked Claire. 'You're not devastated that you want to come home, are you?' 'Nah!' Georgia's voice well, honestly, I

was

was

a bit upset that

entiy hates

'He

me, but

lifted. 'I'll

be

fine. I

And

think

I

so

.

suppose

.

.

just a bit

homesick.

he kissed

me

even though he appar-

suppose

I'll

get over

I

kissed you!'

92

it.'

I

I

'

How 'That's

proper

what people

kiss.

Will I

Know?

do,' said Georgia.

c

And

it

wasn't a

Just a kind of lip thing.'

'You're only fourteen.

my

can't get

I

head around you

kissing anyone.'

'Get with

plenty of

Mum,'

it,

to think that girls

said Georgia. 'Earlier

you seemed

was up to much worse. And there

I

who hop

are

into bed with blokes at four-

teen.' 'I

sincerely

hope

not,' retorted Claire. 'It's illegal for

one thing. And besides,

want to

it's

- well,

it's

not something you'd

do.'

'How

old were you?'

Claire couldn't quite believe she was having this type

of conversation when Georgia was two hundred miles away. She'd assumed

way

at

it

might happen

home sometime.

in a

quiet and thoughtful

Certainly not over the mobile.

Times have changed, she thought. They 'I I

didn't rush into

think that was a

it,'

reallv have.

she said. 'Though quite honesdy

good

thing. There's far too

much

emphasis placed on having to jump into bed with people these days.'

Georgia laughed. 'Only

you want

if

1

to,

she told her

still

below the age

mother. 'We have the right to say no.' 'You'd better exercise

of consent,' Claire told 'Don't bother to

tell

it

while you're

her.

me

'And besides, sex it's

is

—

gorgeous and wonderful

and best with the right person,' Georgia interrupted

'We get

that at school.

And

I've absolutely

of hopping into bed with anyone, that's

all.

I

know

her.

no intention

Mum. He

kissed

me,

that as a teenager I'm a seething mass

93

O'Flanagan

Sheila

of rebellious hormones, but I

'I

a kiss

wondered when you

just

was nineteen,'

first

was

did

just a kiss,

you know.

it?'

you have

said her mother. 'So

a

way

to go.'

'And - and did you sleep with anyone Claire thought about

of course, but she'd been so horrified

to,

of anyone other than panic.

except Dad?'

She wasn't sure whether she'd

would have been impossible

Bill

at the

thought

gone home

that she'd

Bill

whether the bond that she and it

else

Roger Simenon. He'd wanted in

a

been naive or

just

had had was so strong

for her to sleep with

anyone

else.

'No,' she told Georgia honestly.

'Do you 'I

guess

it

didn't.'

should,' she replied. 'After

I

experience these days, isn't

dad

'I

regret that?'

was enough

it?

But when

all, it's all

for me.'

'And now?' Georgia asked the question

'Now 'I

have a different

I

life,'

shitty,'

said Georgia,

that Claire normally wouldn't allow.

could give you a hug,' said Claire.

'I

wish

'I

love you,

'I

love

I

you

'Really?'

word

casually.

said Claire.

wish Jamesie hadn't been so

risking another

about

was with your

I

Mum.' And

too.

I

miss you.'

Georgia laughed. 'Last year you were always

trying to get

'That was

me

out of the house.'

when you were going through your

phase,' said Claire in

amusement, although the

irritating

real

reason

she had wanted Georgia out of the house was so that her

daughter would mix with other people and wouldn't be

94

How weighed down by 'These days, 'Just wait

Georgia told I?

I

I

her.

when

feelings

of depression.

you're not around.'

go through my moody teenager mean,

'I

And

it's

'I'll

be ready for

bound

Know?

own

Claire's

miss you

till

Will I

phase,'

haven't done that yet, have

I

to happen.' it,'

you'd better get to

promised

sleep.

'Now,

Claire.

darling,

bet you have a busy day

I

tomorrow.' 'Yeah.

I

do.

I will.

Thanks, Mum.'

'Goodnight, Georgey-girl,' said Claire. 'I

my

asked you not to

call

me

that,' said

Georgia.

'It

was

baby name.'

'Goodnight, Georgia,' amended Claire. 'Goodnight,' responded Georgia. 'Sleep wdl.

It

was unbearably hot

window wide open.

in

bedroom, even with the

the

Claire lay

naked on the king-sized bed,

half covered by a white cotton sheet. light

fell

across

1

Phydough on

A shaft of silver moon-

the floor beside her, his big

pink tongue hanging out of his mouth. The dog had

jumped on

the bed

when

Claire

had

finally

climbed

between the sheets but had jumped off again almost immediately, sensing the stifling heat.

up remember

Claire stared

couldn't

when

Bill

at the ceiling, it

too hot to sleep. She

ever having been too hot to sleep

had been beside

her.

Not

in Ireland at

any

rate.

There'd been the holiday to Majorca one year where the temperatures had soared into the mid-forties and the tiny

apartment they were renting had turned into furnace.

They'd asked

a

mini-

for the air-conditioning to be turned

95

Sheila

on but

And

it

transpired that

none of the

units

were connected.

so they'd ended up pulling the two single beds out

on to the breeze

tiny balcony every night

made

toes snacked

it

on them

incessantly

where the mosqui-

and they woke up each

in red weals. In the end, as Claire told

they were getting

more

gratification

each other's bites than having sex. holiday together and

it

how

They'd wondered

known who'd done selves in

where the breath of

possible to doze off but

morning covered Bill,

O'Flanagan

had been it

It

out of scratching

had been

their

a last- minute

second

cheap

deal.

was that everyone they'd ever

the last-minute cheap deal found them-

gorgeous bougainvillea-covered low-rise apart-

ments which would have cost the earth normally; whereas they'd ended up in a soulless high-rise with plenty of insects. But

could afford and the cold.

So

let's

didn't really matter.

summer

not complain,

We

through the night. at

it

in Ireland

Bill

had

It

no

air

and

was

all

they

had been wet and

said as they sweltered

haven't got the heating fixed

still

home! Claire shivered suddenly

on her long cotton and gently banged

his tail

him and walked down the thudded around

To

as she

and got up off the bed, pulling

T-shirt.

Phydough looked up

on the stairs

floor.

at

her

She stepped over

to the kitchen.

Her

heart

pushed open the door. She hated walking

in the dark

but she made herself do

it

sometimes.

prove, she told herself, that there was nothing spooky

about being in the house on her

no ghosts

own and

that there were

to frighten her. She also told herself that any

ghosts that might

visit

her should be welcome ones. But

she didn't quite believe that somehow. She didn't need to

96

How turn

on the

Know?

Will I

though, because the

light in the kitchen,

white glow of the

full

moon was

bright

enough

She exhaled slowly and then squeaked

Phydough pushed 'Sorry/ she told

him

as

he whined

frighten me.' She watched

He

him

at

as

T

at her.

know you

I

sniffed at the

and then looked

fright

in

as

past her.

to frighten you. Just like

food bowl.

silver-

to see by.

mean mean to

didn't

didn't

he padded softly to

remnants of

his

lamb mix

his

her expectantly.

'Eat what's there,' she ordered sternly.

Phydough whined

again.

'Honestiy, you pack away

more than me and Georges

combined,' she told him, nevertheless reaching into the

cupboard and taking out

'And

it

can't possibly be

a pouch of beef and vegetables. good for you to have a meal in

the middle of the night.' She tore

open the pouch and

emptied the food into the bowl. The dog snuffled happily as

he ate and Claire smiled

She poured

a glass

the back door.

was three

It

in the

at

him.

of water for herself and then unlocked

was soup-warm despite the morning, and there wasn't

fact that

a

breeze to rusde the leaves of the apple tree halfway the lawn or whisper through the long

it

breath of

bamboo

down

grasses

nearer the house. Claire sat in water. She

asleep. Claire

daughter.

one of the garden

hoped was

How

that, in still

chairs

and sipped her

Galway, Georgia had

bristling with rage

finally fallen

on behalf of her

dared that pup of a boy (probably some

acne-riddled teenager, even though Georgey had said he

was good looking) make an

97

issue

of her disfigurement!

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Didn't they

OK,

her? it

know but

really well,

who knew whether

careless or hurtful

remarks wouldn't trigger off a reaction truly could be

enough

her again.

in

warm

Claire shivered in the

again. Yet she

She couldn't bear the

air.

had to be pragmatic about

- could be impossibly

It

to stop her speaking!

thought of Georgia retreating into her world of

class at

on

the kind of effect that could have

Claire conceded, she- seemed to be dealing with

cruel.

it.

silence

Kids - teenagers

She remembered

a girl in her

school being teased unmercifully about the ugly

teeth braces she'd

had to wear. There were times when

the child had gone

home

in tears.

glasses, particularly the awful

And of course

NHS

style

wearing

of the day, had

been an open invitation to everyone to mock you.

would have to

Claire sighed. Georgia

was dealing with

it.

deal with

it.

She

But she hoped she'd be able to cope.

And what about the other questions her daughter had asked? What about the whole concept of falling in love? Claire

How

had

felt particularly

did anyone

know

you behave on your deal with rejection?

date with a guy?

first

How did you

them any more? The

love

inadequate in answering them.

they were in love?

last

tell

How should How did you

someone you

didn't

was the only question she

had even half an answer to because she'd given Roger

Simenon the push, but

it

wasn't really the same thing. She

hadn't fallen in love and out of love again. She'd never really cared I

about him

at

all.

can't really help her, thought Claire miserably.

done

home

all

the things that other mothers have.

waiting for the phone to ring.

98

I

I

I

haven't

haven't sat

haven't worried that

How

my I

Will I

Know?

boyfriend might be cheating on

don't have any

real

Because of Bill. She stared out over Because of together,

Bill

me

with someone

else.

experience of that whole dating scene. his

untidy garden again.

she'd had an easy time. They'd

knowing everything they needed

to

grown up

know about

each other, trusting each other. So she hadn't had to learn

any of the other

stuff.

But now,

for Georgia's sake,

maybe

she should.

Only how could you do

that? she

wondered.

Suddenly she got up from the chair and went back into the kitchen. She'd tidied the pile of magazines into the rack earlier in the week. Bill

Women's magazines

had taken on subscription

mostly, which

for the waiting

room. She'd

never got round to cancelling the subscriptions so the

magazines

still

arrived every

month, even though she didn't

bother reading most of them. But she knew that they were a

mine of information. As she

flicked her

way through

them, she could see there was plenty of advice there. But

was any of it

came to

really practical?

advice, could

you

Did any of really

it

work?

When

depend on some

it

fash

London office block? To help Georgia she should really have gone through some of these experiences herself. To help Georgia maybe she should try to have them now. After all, it was her fault that Georgia didn't have a father any more. Her fault that Bill had been the one who was lying on the pontoon when

ionista in a

the jet-ski crashed into the competition;

Jamaica in the

stopped

Bill

it

first

it.

She was the one who'd entered

was because of her that they were place;

in

and she was the one who'd

from racing Georgia.

99

If she'd allowed

him to

Sheila O'Flancigan

be the one to race then

been

She

killed.

tried

it

would have been her

but sometimes she couldn't help

wondered Bill still

if

And sometimes

she

on how

girls

But would he have been

her.

of her

at this part

better take

it.

Georgia wouldn't have been better off with

around instead of

any good

had

that

not to think about that very often

life?

Would he have had

a

of fourteen should behave with

boys? Being a doctor had meant

him dealing with

lots

of

female physical problems as well as angst. He'd probably

met more teenage

girls

than Claire ever had.

how it felt as a woman to be And Claire could empathise with

But he wouldn't know laughed

at

by

a bloke.

Georgia about that even though her.

So

if

she got

Admittedly

it

it

some experience

had never happened to

game

in the dating

wouldn't be easy to find dates on

.

whom

.

.

to

try out high-gloss lippy or the latest short skirt.

And

was too old for

she tried

going for

of that stuff anyway. But

a lot

a drink

if

with some men? Just to get an idea?

that possible? Surely

it

she

Was

wasn't that hard to meet someone?

Or was it? She knew that women complained that men were hard to find - none of her colleagues at Locum Libris were happy with the men, or lack of them,

Would

she have to

with an agency? After

young, gorgeous

didn't

do pubs and

Dark were

all,

women

you meet someone

in their lives.

do what Rosie had done and

sign

up

she'd be competing with lots of for

men, and how the

available in

hell did

your age group when you

Maybe things like Dinner in the good idea in a city where you strug-

clubs?

actually a

gled to find the right person.

She could

try,

couldn't she? After

100

all,

she wasn't going

How to find anyone like for

Bill.

Willi Know?

There was no chance of her

someone. She knew that she would never

again. This

would be

research.

for Georgia's sake.

101

And

it

fall

falling in love

would be worth

it,

Chapter 8

Ipomoea (Morning Glory) - White, trumpet-shaped flowers that

blue,

last for only

purple

and

red

Damaged

a day.

by

eold winds.

woke up

She

later

morning because

than she'd expected the following it

had been

gone back to bed and the

rising

she'd

edges of the eastern sky with hues of golden pink.

tint the

But she'd closed the damask curtains light

when

after four

sun had already begun to

tightly so that

no

would get through, and it was the sound of Phydough

barking at a low-flying bird in the garden outside that finally

woke

her.

She

felt

surprisingly refreshed

and she had

her breakfast - a fruits-of-the-forest smoothie and half a

muffin - out on the patio again.

The

forecasters

in the grip at least

had

finally

decided that the country was

of a heatwave which they expected to

another week. Every evening the

showed comparisons with other hotspots viewers were told that Irish and

UK

TV in

last for

weather

Europe

as

temperatures were

higher than some of the best Mediterranean resorts and

102

How

Will I

Know?

perspiring camera crews were sent to

interview families

who smugly

Italy just couldn't

compete

crowded beaches to

them

told

that Spain

and

this year.

After she'd finished her breakfast she took the maga-

warmth of the garden and went through

zines out into the

them article

She vaguely remembered having seen an

again.

all

women

about modern

man through

the right

ered reading

Now

it.

Not

information.

spending

a

she thought

that she

it

might have useful

had any intention of spending

on finding anyone. But perhaps

a fortune

fortune to find

the internet but she hadn't both

was an expose*

it

of the whole internet dating scene, warning readers about being ripped

The

off.

piece was about internet dating, but not the sort

Rosie had talked about. This was top-of-the-range internet dating, designed so that you

men. Rich men.

eligible

And

a year.

met only the most

Men who

eligible

earned over

the article didn't give out the

of

a million

name of

the

agency - you had to find out by word of mouth. Claire

made

a

face.

There wasn't the

slightest

chance of her

name of such an agency by word of mouth didn't know anyone rich enough to possibly

finding out the

because she

be involved with it

cost

€75,000

it.

Besides, she realised as she read further,

to be a

member. Bloody

as she stared at the glossy picture

sitting

on

a hell

of a

a yacht lot

of dates

read, the agency

who would nodded

in

set

moored

would

in

hell,

off San Tropez,

Dublin for

she thought,

attractive I

woman

could go on

that! In return, she

assign her a personal dating adviser

up dates

interest

of an

at

for her at prestigious events (she

the idea of

103

premium

seats

at

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Wimbledon; she'd always wanted to

to go!) or whisk her

meet the man of her dreams, at

a dinner for

two

in

away

New

York.

Somehow

seemed even more

it all

slick

men

about dating

she'd thought

for Georgia's sake, she'd

supposed that

someone

she could just meet

how

thought through

now at

it.

And

premium But

She hadn't quite

bumping

into a

man

wasn't

any more. You had to get out there and work

it

was

service

else. If you wanted a premium price! premium service, she reminded

everything

like

you paid

don't want a

I

locally.

she'd actually accomplish that, and

she realised that simply

a real option

and businesslike

when

than she'd ever imagined. Last night,

a

my toe in the water and woman goes out with a man

herself. I just

want to dip

see

what

when

she

it's

like

barely knows.

a

So maybe Rosie's down-to-earth, common-

or-garden internet dating

my

is

good

a

idea.

Or am

I

losing

marbles altogether? She wished she knew.

She gathered up the magazines and went back into the house. Upstairs, in her office, she switched on her

computer and logged on to the

internet.

howwilllknow and looked

amazement

in front

of

Somehow

her.

and desperate, but

welcomed her

it

in utter

she'd expected

didn't.

to the world of

A

it

She typed at the

in

page

to look sleazy

big banner headline

HowWillIKnow.com and

told her that her circle of friends was about to expand for ever.

Once

access chat

would be

she registered, she read, she would be able to

rooms, message rooms and event boards and invited to official

HowWilllKnow

during the year.

104

nights out

How

Will I

Know?

She clicked on the tab marked 'Search' and boxes, saying that she was looking for a

and 45

(as

five-year-old

year old

the

she thought, any thirty-five-year-old would

if,

go out with

filled in

man between 35

woman a couple of years older; men were probably busily looking

a

women!) and

the thirtyfor

twenty

where he came

that she didn't care

from.

She was astonished to find that

HowWilllKnow on the

screen.

of each

man

candidates,

An

all

a

long

list

of potential

with nicknames, appeared

icon told her that there were pictures

available but that she

had to be

a

member

to

access them.

The

first

name was

'Stargazer'.

She clicked on the 'More

Information on Stargazer' button and discovered that he

was

a thirty-five-year-old

was

a

and

who had

man who

lived in

Dublin.

He

non-smoking Scorpio whose weight was 'average 1 dark hair and blue eyes.

to the information, a

management

He

was, according

consultant.

Claire

management consultant actually did. Although Glenn Keating now worked in sales and marketing, he'd had a job as a manage ment consultant in the past and had once told her that his frowned. She never quite understood what

a

main function then had been to

companies

telling

them the

she scrolled really.

He

a

client

for

down

the page, Stargazer could be anything

described himself as easy-going and romantic

(which made her wince) and travelling

bill

blindingly obvious. So, she thought, as

and music. As

whole range of

far as

his favourite activities

were

she could see he was covering

possibilities, as

he enjoyed pubs, clubs,

cinema, restaurants and art galleries as well. His reading

105

Sheila O'Flanajjan

was

material

travel

&

included Simon

books and

thrillers.

His

CD

collection

Garfunkel and Dido. His favourite film

was Casablanca. (Why do so many men think Casablanca is

a great movie? she

wondered.

watch weepies?) He'd

Is

stay in to

it

to prove that they can

watch

travel

programmes

and Formula One and he wanted an equally easy-going

woman who sation

and

Claire

new

places.

was peeved that she couldn't see Stargazer's

He

picture.

enjoyed good food, good wine, adult conver-

visiting

was

totally unsuitable as a potential

person to

meet, since travelling anywhere wasn't on her agenda because of Georgia.

And

because of the fact that she

couldn't get into a car, she added to herself. But having

much about him

read so

it

irked her that she couldn't

actually see him!

She clicked through

and romantic, who Adonis it,

(yes,

who

I'm

a

few more names: Tiger

liked spicy

attractive

and

I

don't mind you knowing

liked blockbuster movies

(an airline pilot

who was

(fearless

food and garage music);

ready to

and

fast cars);

come back

Tai-Pan

to earth) and

JustMe (pretty normal, easy-going, middle-of-the-road,

who

and music).

liked sports

Of them

all,

JustMe sounded

the most likely person to go out with.

And

also,

she

admitted, the most boring. But at least he was probably

about himself. Most people were middle-

telling the truth

of-the-road!

HowWilllKnow allowed members monthly

and access she

do

to register for a

own

profile

others. Claire nibbled at her fingernail.

Could

fee, for

this?

which they could put up

Was

it

absolutely crazy? She

106

their

opened her bag

How and took out her of

a lot less

sive

Will I

credit card.

Know?

The monthly

agency whose name she didn't

to ever learn.

wasn't

fee

was

much

know and was

to be able to learn things for Georgia. She

go out with anyone

she didn't want to.

if

She hesitated, the credit card between her

Phydough, who'd followed her

men would

What

bastards just like

tell

Georgia that

some of

woman

a

if

nobody

at all?

That was learning too, she told that she could

began

How many

even consider going out with

with a kid and a dog? she wondered.

wanted to go out with her

fingers.

upstairs as usual,

snoring gently in the basket under her desk.

mean

unlikely

an investment of €20 on the other hand

And

didn't have to

of these

a hell

than the €75,000 needed to join the exclu-

herself.

Locum

the

That would

men were

shallow

Libris girls

seemed

all

to think.

'Oh, what the the 'Register

hell,'

she said out loud. She clicked on

Now' button and

filled

in

number. She decided against putting up

her credit card a profile

of her

own. She was the one who'd decide when, how and she'd

make contact with anyone. But

had the choice.

A

site

way

if

she-

short time later she checked her e-mail

for her personal registration

the

at least this

number and went back on

to

to look at the photos. Stargazer was so incredibly

good-looking, with his olive skin, dark hair and smouldering eyes, that she didn't for a second believe his photo-

graph was

real.

Tiger looked

like

any blond

member of a

boy-band. Tai-Pan's face was almost completely hidden by the brim of the

wearing. JustMe,

Miami Dolphins baseball cap he was seemed pretty middle-of

like his profile,

107

Sheila

O'Flanagan

mid-brown

-the-road, with

and an open,

hair, blue eyes

friendly face.

So can him?

I

do

this?

Or would

wondered

Claire.

Can

actually contact

I

be better to wait until the Dinner in the

it

Dark and meet someone

there? She

rubbed the back of

her neck at the realisation that she was seriously consid-

Dark

ering the Dinner in the

event.

I'm going completely bonkers, she thought. From

someone who

last

week

didn't have the faintest intention

of ever going out with anyone again to suddenly thinking it's

OK

them at the

to e-mail complete strangers and

this really isn't

screen again.

And

on the window-ledge Georgia, taken

what

then glanced

first

wide-eyed and expectant.

me

me

is all

to

day

Bill's

do

want to meet

about. She looked

at the

beside her desk.

on her

proud. He'd* want

my life

It

framed photo

was of

at school.

Bill

and

Georgia was

expression was ferociously

this,

she thought.

He'd want

to be able to help her in the best possible way. But

she hesitated. She

still

wasn't sure whether this was the

best possible way.

Her had

programme pinged to let her know that she downloaded the new batch of work

e-mail

a message. Claire

which Trinny had sent little

bit longer,

rush into

it

her. Internet dating

she told herself. There was

when

she had

much more

could wait a

no need

to

urgent things to

do.

The following and cloudless

day, another

skies, Claire

dressed for comfort in her

one of

blistering temperatures

decided to

visit

her mother. She

flattest sandals, a light skirt

108

and

How

Will I

Know?

the kind of low-cut strappy top that she wasn't sure was

woman whose

suitable for a

next significant birthday would

be the big four-oh but which was nice and summery. She

bought

herself a first-class ticket for the Enterprise train,

reasoning that the amount of

owning and insuring

on upgrading her

a car

travel

money

meant

she saved by not

that she could spend

then settled into her comfortable seat and took out

from her sunflower yellow

tion of magazines

it

arrangements whenever possible, a selec-

straw bag.

Although her intention had been to

trawl

through the

pages to get further ideas about dating

men

(because she

still

hadn't plucked up the courage to contact

Just

Me

,

her immediate attention was drawn to the glossy pictures

of

A-list celebrities at an

ible

awards function and the Incred-

Some of them were

clothes they were wearing.

Kidman

undoubtedly gorgeous (Claire

felt

would look

but some of them were

complete did

like

the neck

stylish

frights.

women

in

And

sack)

a

she

that

wondered whether men

down and had

the leg up. She thought

liked

it

when

she

Would

flirty dresses.

and boots? she wondered that

it

wasn't her

own

skirt that didn't

it

was

up and wearing

do

just

she called her fitted

better In a miniskirt

fleetingly, before

remembering

kill

How

her daughter

if

she went

cover her knickers.

Meeting men, she thought through the pages.

looked tarn

appearance she was worried about

but Georgia's, and that she'd

out in a

I

it

Maybe

made what

'elegant effort' of sweeping her hair

but not too

really

to wear dresses slashed to the waist from

but maybe she was completely wrong. that Bill

Nicole

as she

do you do 109

continued to

it if

flick

you haven't the

Sheila

nerve to go on-line?

O'Flanagan

Of course

Georgia, she realised. After

them (even

if

it

would be

different with

she was already meeting

all,

they were insensitive

little shits) at

College. Presumably as soon as she was old

the Irish

enough she'd

be hurrying to bars and clubs where there were probably far

many men

too

all

waiting for her. Claire bristled as she

imagined unsuitable blokes vying for her only tion,

showing off

like

young men always

child's atten-

did, trying to

look cool. She smiled wryly. Everyone wanted to look cool,

though, didn't they? Especially in their teens. If she started criticising

guys just because no one would ever

good enough

And

really

be

for Georgey, she'd be acting like an old fogey.

she wasn't ready to classify herself as an old fogey just

yet. Besides,

Georgia had to

live

own

her

life.

had to hope that she was bringing her up the so that, in the end, Georgia

Claire just right way,

would meet someone and

fall

and have the same kind of wonderful relationship

in love

she herself had had, and that her parents had too.

She looked up and caught the eye of the passenger oppo-

man

site,

a

seat

and

in his early twenties

listening to an

MP 3

who was relaxing in his He smiled and she

player.

smiled back at him, feeling unaccountably pleased that

someone younger than her and almost jet-black

hair,

fairly attractive (lean face,

very blue eyes) would even notice

her.

There you go, she told attractive

me and I

man on

a train.

herself.

OK,

I've

met

this one's

too old for Georgia, but he's here and

could chat him up. Because he's noticed me.

quite flattering

really.

110

a perfectly

too young for if I

wanted

And

that's

-

How The man smiled This time Claire it's

her again and then leaned forward.

at

felt

Willi Know?

herself recoil slightly.

nice that he smiled at me.

what the

hell

OK,

she thought,

nice to be noticed. But

It's

does he want?

He

'Excuse me.'

took the earphones from

his

ears,

reached out and touched her strappy top just above her right breast.

God

Almighty, thought Claire

on the

assaulted

'Got him!' The

holding

a

'Sorry,' if I

man

he

grinned and Claire gasped.

small, but long-legged, spider

He opened

fingers.

It

have gone mad.

I

fallen

couldn't

'Thank you,' she

was

let

his

go.

it

you'd shriek and jump around

afraid

might have

He

between

window and

the carriage

was

said. 'I

told you.

I'm being

frantically,

train.

down I'm

kill it.

that top

and you'd

a softie like that.'

said breathlessly. 'But

I

wouldn't have

shrieked.' 'I

have a

crawlies.

sister,'

he told her. 'She can't bear creepy

She could shriek for Ireland.

reactions to spiders

on

'Can't say I'm very fond of Claire. 'But I've

all

women's

them

myself,'

admitted

if

you thought

I

was some kind of

freak.'

'No, of course not,'

He

based

got used to them.'

'Anyway, apologies pervy

I

her!'

lied Claire.

laughed and replaced the earphones while Claire hid

herself behind her

magazine again and thought that

if

she

could misinterpret their actions so badly, she surely needed lessons in dealing with

But

really,

men

before she tried dating one.

she thought, I'm not as bad as

111

all

that.

Not

Sheila 0'Flana£fan

in a casual way.

had

I

of male friends

lots

and Grab club and we got on

Guys

well.

Smash

in the

Paul Hanratty,

like

problems relating to men

for instance. I don't have

as

people. Just as sex objects. It

was nearly three years since she'd had

deeply.

when all

She didn't think she missed

in her

sex.

She sighed

Why would

it.

she

head sex and love and physical pleasure were

Hudson

part of the Bill

package, just as she'd told

Georgia. After the accident, sex had been the absolute thing

on her mind. And with every passing day

easier to dismiss

as irrelevant in

it

her

that she missed the intimacy but that

same, she thought,

magazine

She blushed

him, the

if

would be

What

nice.

he realised that the

woman who was

would he

the hell

woman

is

going on in

the briefest of

He

my own

moments

I

blushed.

Am

little

I

could even think

uncomfortably

losing

it

than

And what

the

mind, she wondered, that for

glanced up and saw her looking

again, but a

think,

opposite

at least fifteen years older

him, was imagining making love to him? hell

She knew

different. All the

bloke opposite, experiencing the

furiously.

she asked herself,

life.

last

became

glanced over the top of the

as she

at the attractive

physical pleasure again

new

was

it

this

at

it?

him.

He

smiled

time, and Claire

altogether? she asked herself. This

on a train. I can't go round having sex fantasies about men on trains. Especially gorgeous young men. Would it have been OK to have a fantasy about an older man? she wondered. Although wasn't that the problem for women of her age? There were no available men. Wasn't is

a stranger

that

why

Rosie and Petra were so concerned with finding

112

;

How someone before they that

Will I

hit thirty-five?

Because they thought

once you'd got past your mid- thirties there was no

She suddenly recalled an e-mail that Trinny

hope?

Armstrong had once sent to

Locum nod

Know?

Libris

all

the female employees of

and which had made them laugh but then

their heads knowingly.

The nice men are

ugly.

The handsome men are not

nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome nice

and

are not

The

heterosexual

so

men

are married. Tl)e

men who

handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

men who

are not

so

handsome, but are nice men

with money, think we are only after their money. The

handsome men without money are handsome men who are not so sexual don't think we are

who think we are

what

nice

after our money. The

and somewhat heterobeautiful enough. The men nice

beautiful, that are heterosexual, some-

and have money

are pigs. The

men who

are

somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some

money and thank

GOD

are heterosexual are shy a fid

NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! make when we

move automatically

never

the first

us

take the initiative.

NOW,

The men who lose interest in

WHO IN THE

WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN? Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,

and

it's

our job

to

stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they

mature

into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Her phone beeped with a text message alert. She rummaged in her bag and looked at it. The message was

113

O'Flanagan

Sheila

from Georgia.

Al

had an encounter with

one of the pigs

Luv

2day, she read. HvgjjrS time.

Well, at least Georgia was-

OK

again, even

if

G.

she had

guy who would end up being

a

in Trinny's e-mail. Claire felt herself prickle

with anger again on her daughter's behalf. That was why, she mused,

about

it

was important

for her to find out things

men even if their circumstances were totally different.

Because only then would she be able to advise Georgey

about the right way of going about things.

She continued to

flick

through the magazine but

it

when the The concrete

wasn't terribly interesting and she was pleased train arrived in

Dundalk

exactly

on schedule.

platform was actually hot underfoot, making Claire

feel as

though she were on holiday abroad. She bought

a

ice-cream from a shop near the station and licked

happily

as

it

huge

she walked towards her parents' house. She'd just

finished

it as

she arrived.

Eileen was in the front garden, dead-heading pink roses

from the bushes that lined the path. 'Isn't that

Dad's job?' asked Claire

the gate. 'He'll

go mad

you?' She dropped

where

is

at

a kiss

you

on her mother's

Why

How're

cheek. 'And

at her.

finished.

kettle on.

D'you want something

makings of a salad

would be

it's

'You're

'Not here right now.

don't you go inside and put the

I'm almost

'Salad

pushed open

he?'

Her mother smiled shordy

thing

as she

for interfering.

to eat? There's the

in the fridge.' lovely,' said Claire. 'It's

about the only

possible to eat in this heat.' still

too

thin.' Eileen's

114

words were sharp and

How she smiled

more warmly

Will I

Know?

at Claire to take the sting

out of

them.

T

know.' Claire

made

a deliberate effort

not to argue

with her mother over her weight and walked up the path to the house.

'There are some granary called after her.

Claire

'I'll

dumped

be

rolls in the bread-bin,' Eileen

in in a minute.'

her bag on the kitchen table and opened

The same

the cupboard door.

old plates were stacked

and white. She

inside, a delicate willow-pattern in blue

recalled asking her

mother to buy new

plates once,

showing

her an ad in a glossy magazine for a more modern design.

But Eileen had told her that the willow-pattern perfectly serviceable a slave to fashion.

plates

were

and that she'd no intention of being

Some of them were cracked now, Claire down both dinner and side plates as

noticed, as she took

well as the matching cups forty years old. It

The

and

saucers.

They were

was amazing that they'd

salad ingredients in Eileen's fridge

nearly

lasted so long.

were old

fash

ioned too. Lettuce, tomato, hard-boiled eggs and some slices

of cooked ham.

It

was

a

summer meal

of an Enid Blyton children's book chio which Claire normally used.

.

.

.

No

No

straight out

rocket or radic-

mozzarella or pine

nuts either. Standard tomatoes and not the cherry variety

which she preferred. Claire wondered whether she'd simply succumbed to the celebrity chefs or

whether she

a

touch ruefully

lifestyle

choices of

really did like the fashion-

able ingredients more.

Eileen walked into the kitchen and threw her gardening gloves

on

the draining board.

115

Sheila

'Would you 'Oh,

I

O'Flanagan

like this outside?'

asked Claire.

think so,' agreed Eileen.

Claire filled

two long

from the

glasses with water

fridge

and carried them outside while Eileen brought out cutlery and condiments. They

down and

sat

out of her

flat

in the sun.

She brushed a

Claire slid her feet

sandals so that she could wriggle her toes stray

wasp from

of her

in front

face.

'Eat up,' said Eileen as she buttered a bread roll and

pushed

it

towards Claire. 'You could do with a

bit

more

weight.'

'Oh, for God's sake,

Mum.

We've already done the thin

conversation.' 'I

worry about you,'

'Yes,' said Claire.

'Are

said Eileen. 'You

'But there's

you and Dad going anywhere

this year?'

know

I

do.'

no need. Honesdy.' nice for your holiday

she asked in order to change the topic of converyet and you've

sation.

'You haven't said anything about

usually

headed off somewhere warm by now.'

'No need

this year,' said Eileen.

it

'Warm enough here

for

anyone.' 'True,' said Claire. 'But getting 'Yes.'

away would be

nice.'

Eileen stared into the distance.

something wrong, Mum?' Claire suddenly

'Is

felt

anxious. She looked at her mother, noticing that the frown lines

on her forehead were

a

little

that the expression in her eyes

deeper than usual and

was uneasy.

'Well, in a way,' said Eileen.

This time Claire her. It

felt a tendril

of terror wrap

itself around

wasn't that her parents were old by today's stan-

116

How

Know?

Will I

dards, but they were getting

on

a bit.

She didn't want to

think that they'd reached the age where they'd begun to

be

afflicted

by various ailments. They'd both been very

healthy people until now. She looked enquiringly at her

mother, keeping her expression 'Don't look

like

as

bland

said Eileen.

that,'

as possible.

'There's nothing

wrong with your dad or me.' Claire sighed. She'd never been very

good

bland

at

expressions.

'What then?' she asked. 'You'll laugh,' said Eileen.

laugh

is

the right

'Although I'm not sure that

word under

the circumstances.'

'What circumstances?' 'We'd have told you soon anyway

if

you hadn't rung to

you were coming.'

say

'Told

me

what?' asked Claire.

'Told you that

we were

Claire looked at her

wasp landed on the

splitting up,' said Eileen.

mother

side

tomato but she ignored

in utter

astonishment.

of her plate and explored it.

'Splitting up?' she

A

a juicy

repeated

incredulously. 'Splitting up?' 'Yes,' said Eileen.

'But - but you've been together for years! 1 she cried.

'What on earth would make you

split

thing I've ever heard. You're having

'Why would

I

up? That's the

me

silliest

on.'

have you on about something

like this?

1

asked Eileen. Claire

was speechless.

'Your dad and best thing to

do

I

have decided,' said Eileen, 'that the

is split.'

117

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'But why?' cried Claire again.

were happy together.

Why on

always thought you

'I

earth

would you want

to

up now?'

split

'Because we've reached the

last

quarter of our

'And we don't want to waste them

said Eileen.

'Huh?' Claire stared 'We've wasted so

lives,'

together.'

at her.

much

time together.

Why

waste any

more?' 'You haven't wasted time,' exclaimed Claire.

Tou

were

happy.'

Eileen raised an eyebrow and Claire looked at her in

bewilderment. 'You weren't happy?' she

'No.

said.

I

can't

believe that.'

depends what you mean by happy,'

'It 'I

mean

other's company. fight

.

.

You went

places together.

.1 don't understand this,

were always 'I

said Eileen.

happy!' Claire said forcefully. 'You enjoyed each

a

good

Mum.

I

You

didn't

really don't.

We

family, weren't we?'

married your father because

I

was pregnant,'

said

Eileen.

'With me. Yes. tried to

keep

it

I

know,' said Claire.

a secret

you and Dad worked hard always banging that

it

was

all

'It's

from me. But you

on about

it

at

like

you

your marriage. You were

when

about give and

not

also said that

I

was

a kid, telling

me

take.'

'Maybe that was to convince

myself,' Eileen told her

wryly.

'No.' 'I

never loved your father,' said Eileen. 'And he never

loved me.'

118

'

How

Know?

Will I

'Mum!' This time Claire was truly shocked. She could make herself believe that somehow her parents had drifted apart over the years, but that they'd never loved each other

was impossible to accept. Hadn't they always told

at all

her that she was a love-child, a product of what they'd

felt

for each other?

we

'Well of course Claire

reminded

thirteen.

I

her.

said that,' said Eileen testily

'What

else

could

I

tell

want you thinking you were the

didn't

of a quick shag behind the

when

you? You were result

electricity sub-station.'

'Mum!' 'I'm sorry.' Eileen sighed. 'That's a terrible expression

and

I've picked

up from watching those dreadful

it

Uncovered programmes on the

TV

trash

but when know why

don't

—

'Mum!'

I

turn

it

telly.

on

I

just can't help myself.

Claire interrupted Eileen's

all?'

Eileen twisted a fork between her fingers. 'Oh, I

.

.

I

suppose

didn't love your dad and that he didn't love

me maybe You know.' .

I

wayward thoughts.

'You and Dad? Never loving each other? At

to say that

Ibiza

They're absolutely

We

that's unfair.

- we were good together.

Claire squirmed uneasily in the chair as she thought

about her parents' I

sex-life.

This

is

more information than

need, she told herself. But she said nothing. 'So

I

thought

I

loved him,' the words were tumbling

from Eileen's mouth now, 'but

And

then

I

discovered

I

it

wasn't a long-term thing.

was pregnant.' She shrugged.

'There wasn't any real choice back then, Claire. married.'

119

We

got

Sheila

O ¥lana£}an

'But everything seemed

OK to me/

y

Claire protested.

'I

mean, Jacinta O'Brien's parents got married because of her older brother, didn't they? But

remember they were

I

Mr

forever fighting. Shouting at each other.

mother

Jacinta's

at

Eileen nodded.

one point, didn't wasn't

'It

me,' she said. 'Of course

man,

violent

we

Claire. It

.

.

.

well,

we

definitely

Your

wasn't.

we were

father isn't a

At the

like that.

in love. After

thought we were

'We wanted to love each

as

anything

else.

So we stuck with

it.

—

'It's

not

sake!'

other,' said Eileen.

for

start

you were

in love

'So you must have been,' interrupted Claire,

something that you pretend, for heaven's

wanted the marriage to work too,

hit

with your dad and

like that

was nothing

told each other that

born

it

O'Brien

he?'

your sake

'And we as

much

But we were very

different people, darling.'

Claire least.

rubbed her temples. She knew that was true

Her mother was

a quiet,

at

home -loving woman who

enjoyed domestic things. Her father had always been the

outgoing one, the one for

a laugh, the last to leave a party.

But she'd believed that they complemented each other, not that her mother had hated every

moment

with her father, or that he had detested staying like

the foundations of her

life

were

she was out

in. It

seemed

underneath

shifting

her and she was powerless to do anything about

happening again, she thought years ago. Everything

future feeling

is

all

I

frantically.

thought about

my

turning to dust. She clamped

life

it,

It's

and the

down on

of panic that threatened to overwhelm

'We got used to

it.

Just like three

the

her.

though,' continued Eileen. 'Besides,

120

How from

my

Will I

Know?

point of view, what could

ever had was in a factory. If

no options,

Claire.

two households. ation did.

We

He

We

I left

do? The only job I'd

I

your father - there were

wasn't earning enough to support

did what lots of people of our gener-

lived separate lives.'

'But you went on holidays together,' Claire protested feebly once again. 'And then later, when I was older -

what was to stop you

splitting

up then

if

that

w as what

you wanted?' 'The longer time goes on the harder 'And, of course,

I

was

still

1

it

said Kileen.

is,

in the situation

w here

I

w

as

dependent on your dad.' 'But

when

I

left

home?'

split then,' agreed Kileen. Though 11 we had an arrangement that worked. And although we didn't love each other we didn't hate each

'We should have

that point

other either. it

It

was

easier to stick with the status quo.

But

was wrong.' was horrified to find that

Claire

down

to slide

why change now?' 'The thing

a tear

her cheek. She wiped

is,

it

was beginning

away quickK

she asked shakily.

your dad has found someone else/

said

Eileen.

This time Claire actually 'He's in his

This

is

felt

her jaw drop.

she cried. 'For God's sake,

Mum.

ridiculous.'

'Well,

said her

someone

T

sixties!'

life

doesn't pass you by just because you get older,'

mother if

acidly.

'And your dad

is

he wants.'

can't believe you're telling

121

me

this.'

entided to find

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'They want to be together,' said Eileen. 'And I'm of putting up with

Tutting up with ment. 'You mean 'Over four

it?'

Claire looked at her in astonish-

been going on for

it's

silent.

'Her name's Lacey Dillon,' his

bowling

said Eileen.

'They met

at

club.'

Claire stared at her.

someone

a while?'

years,' said Eileen.

was

Claire

tired

it.'

called Lacey?

grown woman?' Her

'My father is in a relationship with What sort of name is that for a

eyes widened. 'Don't

He

busty twenty year old!

me

tell

couldn't be having an

she's a

affair

with

a twenty-year-old girl, could he?'

'Oh come on,

Claire!' Eileen

impatiendy. 'Don't be so

silly.

I

looked told

you

for four years! She's fifty- two years old

at

her daughter

he's

known

her

and she runs

a

been good for him,' Eileen continued. 'He's

a

recruitment agency'

'But—' 'She's

man

different

because of

her.'

'He's your husband!' Claire protested. can't possibly

'Why

—

'My

dad.

He

not?'

Claire stared at her.

'Look,

had to

I

tell

know

it's

a bit

of a shock,' said Eileen. 'But

I

you.'

Claire said nothing.

T 'It

don't want to carry on living with him,' said Eileen.

was different before Lacey. There were other

but nobody serious.'

122

women

How

Willi Know?

'Other women!' Claire found her voice again.

what do you expect?' asked more and he - he was.'

'Well,

'Mum,

I

what I'm hearing.'

just can't believe

Eileen.

'I

wasn't inter-

ested any

'Oh, God.'

'Not that

might not have been interested

I

man had come

along,' said her

maybe

didn't. If he had,

the

move. As

first

if

the right

blandly. 'But he

would have been me making

it

your dad.'

it is, it's

moving out

'So he's

mother

to be with this Lacey

woman?

1

'She's actually quite nice,' said Eileen. 'I

just can't believe

Why

can't

'Because

looked

about

Claire finally swatted

don't want

I

it

it

way .

.

back. .

We

all

they were before?

that way,

had.

1

said

'Besides, they

We

Eileen.

And we

was something you could cope with

at

1

She

had talked

were going to

the accident happened.

sway the

four years with her?

plate.

at Claire thoughtfully.

But then it

it.'

'Why now, after they continue on the way

wasp from her

tell

you.

didn't think

the time."

Claire raised her amber-flecked eyes to look at her

mother. 'So you're telling

me you

stayed together to

protect me? That you've always stayed together to protect

me?'

'Not always,'

said Eileen.

'When you were young,

yes.

didn't want to.

I

was protecting myself. But there's no point any more.

I

Afterwards

have to

I

could have

move

left

him, but

on.'

Claire leaned her head in her hands.

.

'I

wasn't expecting

she said slowly. 'Of all the things you could have told

this,'

me

I

.

.

this

is

.

.

.

unbelievable.'

123

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'

I

always thought you'd guess,' said Eileen. 'You know,

when I'd drop in to see you and when you'd call and he was out.

Bill I

Or

without your dad.

was surprised you never

asked.' 'It 'I

her

lip.

'Only today,

I

'What you and

still

lie, I

I

ridiculous male

And

had.

me and it.'

mean,

I

bit

that

you and Dad

your dad had was

had.'

special,' .

.

.'

She

suppose.'

can't believe

absolutely sure?

at her.

She

.'

.

had was obviously very

Bill

Eileen told her. 'What

shrugged. 'A

.

was hoping that Georgey would have

the kind of marriage that

'I

up

never, ever occurred to me.' Claire looked

was so certain of your marriage. Only today

Claire frowned.

this

is

'Are

you

Dad going through some

menopause kind of

thing?'

'No,' said Eileen shordy.

'And

through your marriage, when

all

there were other

I

was small

.

.

.

women?'

'He wasn't sleeping with someone new every week,' Eileen told her.

'It

wasn't.

But he's

things,

and

then

at first I

I realised I

wasn't

me

thought

wasn't.

now one

I

of course

it

and he wanted different was the right person but

So there were women, not

time, but they happened.

though. But

like that, Claire,

different to

None of them was

all

the

serious,

is.'

'Lacey Dillon.' Claire could hardly keep the contempt

out of her voice. 'She's a nice

woman,

Claire.'

'Have you actually met her?' Eileen nodded. 'This

is

so ridiculous!'

124

How

Will I

Know?

'No,' said Eileen. 'Staying together

each other

is

Dad now?'

'Where's

when we don't

love

ridiculous.'

Claire looked

around

though he

as

might emerge from the shrubbery behind them. Eileen shrugged.

'Has he moved out already? Does he know you're

me

telling

this?'

Eileen nodded.

'And he didn't want to be

'He didn't afraid there

might be

here?'

He

see the point.

a scene,

said he'll call you.

He

was

and you know how he

is

about scenes.' 'Typical!' Claire snorted.

'Don't take

We

begged

sides,'

both made the mistake.

Eileen.

We

'It

was both of

both want to

us.

fix it.'

'But what about this house?' asked Claire suddenly.

'What

will

happen to

'We've put

it

up

it?'

for sale,' said Eileen.

'The estate agent

has been around already with a couple of prospective

purchasers even though they haven't put up a sign

Lacey has a

home of her own

Herself and your dad

And

I'll

will

buy somewhere

buy somewhere between them.

else too.'

'But you'll never have a

looked around

at the big

yet.

near Lusk. She's selling that.

home

like this again!' Claire

garden, bursting with the colour

of the flowers and shrubs that her father had planted over the years. 'Or a garden like this either.'

T dad's

don't want one,' said Eileen. 'The garden was your

domain

as well,

bed detached house.

you know. Anyway,

It's far

this

too big for me.'

125

is

a four-

}

¥lanagan

Sheila

'I

don't believe

said Claire.

it,'

really don't.'

'I

away another wasp. 'You know, when

Bill

we should be

like

used to

tell

him

that

and

She waved I

argued,

I

you and Dad.

Solving everything.'

'You and 'I

hardly ever argued,' Eileen reminded her.

Bill

know. But when we did

up with

welling

tears again.

.

Claire

.'

.

found her eyes

Dad

used you and

'I

as role

models.' Eileen bit her

'I'm sorry to disappoint you,' she

lip.

said.

'I'm sorry too,' said Claire.

'I

really am.'

She picked up

her glass and took a long drink of water, unable to look her mother in the eye. all

It

seemed so unreal to

her, as

of her childhood had been based upon a

though

fantasy.

She

known that her parents weren't happy together. Even an adult she hadn't suspected. Is there something wrong

hadn't as

with me* she wondered, that feel?

'Georgia won't

'But 'All

it

my

I

can't

like it either,'

how

tell

can't be helped, darling,' her

life

done things because

I've

other people

she said eventually.

it

mother told

her.

was expected of

me or because I was worried about how other people might react. I

don't want Georgia to

girl

growing up

sort

of thing.'

in a

'Not from her

own

'Perhaps not. But

dad or

me

feel hurt,

but she's a modern

modern environment. She

expects this

grandparents!'

it's

happened, Claire, and neither your

wants to go back.'

Claire bit her

lip. 'It's like all

ripped apart,' she said slowly. All the places that

of my memories are being

'All

the things

meant something 126

.' .

.

I

believed

in.

'

How 'Not

really,' said

Know?

Eileen. 'The places are

still

here. It's

people who'll be different.'

just the

'Since 'I've

Will I

"

when have you become

so

damn

sensible?

always been sensible,' said Eileen.

'Maybe.' Claire rubbed the nape of her neck. 'Docs

anyone

else

know?' she asked. 'About you and Dad? 1

'We've lived here

all

our

Eileen

lives,' said

knew about your dad long

before

I

did.

They

drily.

And

was

it

accepted, you know. That he had an eye for the ladies.'

'No one ever

'Why would heels

1

me, protested

said anything to

they? Didn't

Claire.

you kick the dust from vour

and hare off to Dublin to be with

Bill as

soon

as

you

sell

the

could?'

'Went to France

first,'

observed Claire.

Eileen shrugged.

'Why don't you move

to Dublin

when you

house?' asked Claire suddenly. 'You'd be nearer to I

me

then.

could keep an eye on you.' This time Eileen laughed. 'Keep ^n eye on me! What

you expecting me to get up

are

'Nothing,' said Claire

'You meant that

you

now

C

that

you should pop

feel

Co?'

hastily.

in

Pm

I

meant

— woman me every

an abandoned old

with some soup for

day?'

'No.' Claire suddenly laughed too, surprising herself. 'It's just

that - well,

'Somehow

who

think

it

isn't easy

it's

being on your own.'

better than living with

someone

doesn't love you,' said Eileen.

'Was 'It

I

it

that bad?' asked Claire.

saps your confidence,' confessed her mother.

127

w

OK,

Sheila

O'Flanagan

the magic had gone for both of us. But you

wondering why he doesn't 'Oh,

Mum.'

ders. 'It

find

at least

Claire looked at her watch. 'Does

said I'd ring

'I

you

Eileen's shoul-

we're

doing

finally

it.'

meet him? Here? Somewhere said Eileen. 'It's

can't help

any more.'

a waste.'

know,' said Eileen. 'But

'I

something about

still

attractive

arm around

Claire put her

seems such

you

him

if

Dad

expect

me

to

else?'

you wanted to

see

him

tonight,'

up to you. You can meet him wherever

like.'

'I

want to

'It's all 'I

talk to him,' Claire said.

I'm not sure I'm ready to

today.

right for

understand

Or maybe

I'll

still

text

tell

him

him and

tell

like that,' said Eileen.

'But

him

maybe not today.'

love him,' Eileen told her.

that,' said Claire.

So you can

love him.

'He'd

you to

talk to

'And of course

that.

him

I'll

I

phone him

still

later.

that myself.'

'He's worried about

how

you'll react.'

'What can

I

do?' asked Claire blankly. 'You've both obvi-

ously had a long, long time to think about

do

hope that you're doing the

is

it.

All

I

can

right thing.'

'We're doing the right thing,' Eileen assured her. 'Your glass

is

empty, darling.

Would you

like

more water or d'you

think you need something stronger?'

Claire

and Eileen

sat in the

garden until

it

was time

for

Claire to catch her train. Eileen chatted about estate agents

and moving house and the weirdness of looking houses and apartments at her stage in

128

life.

at

town-

But, she said,

'

How

Will I

Know?

some of them were lovely. Ideal for one person. And decorating would be fun, wouldn't it? Claire suddenly realised that her mother seemed much more light-hearted than before and that her eyes twinkled and sparkled in a way she hadn't seen in a long time.

'Were you so desperately unhappy?' she asked again

as

hugged Eileen goodbye.

she

'You don't notice 'and then you 'I

it

until

you change

things,' said Eileen,

wonder how you coped

at all.

1

wish I'd known.'

'What could you have done about faintly. 'It

Eileen smiled

it.'

was our mistake, not yours.'

'A long-term mistake because of me.'

'We should have done something about agreed Eileen.

'I

blame myself for

caught Claire by the hand. 'Don't ever she said. 'Get out there and

live

it

before

now/

letting things drift.'

your

let

life,

She

things drift,

Claire.'

Claire swallowed hard. 'I'm doing fine,' she said to her

mother. 'I

don't want you to have regrets,' said Eileen.

Claire looked at her ruefully. 'There'll always be regrets/

she said. 'Let

him

him

go.' Eileen tightened her grip. 'It's time to let

go.'

Claire

wanted to be angry with her mother

those words, but she couldn't be. 'If it

makes you

feel

any

Not

for saying

today.

better,' she told Eileen suddenly,

'I'm meeting a guy for a drink.' 'Claire!' Eileen's eyes

Claire

chewed

at

her

up. 'Really?'

lit

lip.

She wasn't meeting anyone.

129

Sheila

O'Flanagan

But she could. She could e-mail JustMe tonight and suggest a date. She could

call

number and meet him

Hanratty's

Eavan and ask for Paul for the old-friends' drink

men and

he'd asked about. She could meet life

which would stop Eileen looking

at

have a social

her in despair every

time they met, and her mother would never need to that 'I

it

was

all

have to

him.' Claire was thinking of Paul. 'He's

call

an old friend.

It's just a drink.'

'But Claire, this 'It's

told

not

We're

that

fine.

all

is

fantastic'

And

fantastic,' said Claire. 'It's a drink.

you so

know

for Georgia's sake.

you can

I

only

see I'm fine. Georgia's fine.

So don't worry about

us.

Worry about

yourself.'

'You need to see other people,' Eileen told

her. 'Find

someone new.' 'I

wisji

you could get

it

into your head that

about finding someone,' said still

Claire.

my life

'Georgey and

isn't I

are

a family.'

'But

it's

someone

nice to have

to love,' said Eileen

gendy. 'You're a great one to

you've just told

me

talk,'

retorted Claire, 'given that

you've lived most of your

life

with a

man you

didn't love.' She picked up her bag. 'I've got to

go.

—

I'll call

'Claire 'I'll

let

you.

And

I'll call

you know how

I

Dad

too.'

get on,' said Claire. 'But

it's

only a drink. Please believe me.'

'OK,' said Eileen. 'Have a nice time.'

Suddenly Claire smiled.

'I

haven't confirmed

130

it

yet,'

she

How said.

'And

to seeing

do,

if I

me

Will I

won't have

I

a thing to wear.

He's used

in sports gear.'

Eileen smiled too. 'Wear a in front

Know?

of him and

bet he

I

skirt. falls

Stretch out your legs

for you.'

'Mum!' 'You have great

Everyone

legs, Claire.

says so.'

'For heaven's sake!' But Claire looked at her in amuse-

ment.

'Go

for

it.'

my

won't be showing off

'I

their

naked

them to be

state

attractive.

about wearing

my

legs,' said Claire.

anyway. There are too

But

if it

many

makes you happy,

tightest jeans.

'Not scars I'll

in

on

think

They make me look

like

a beanpole.'

'Wear whatever you

good

like,'

Eileen told her. 'Just have a

time.'

'Sure.' Claire kissed her quickly

go.

I'll

on the cheek.

phone you.'

'OK,' said Eileen. 'Don't forget.'

131

Td

better

Chapter 9

Lavatera (Tree Mallow) - Pink/white flowers

all

Quick-growing but should be pruned hard every

The journey home seemed to take much

less

summer.

year.

time than

the journey to Dundalk. Claire sat in her seat and gazed

out of the window

as the coastal scenery flashed by, recalling

everything her mother had told her about her relationship

with her

father.

Eileen and

It

an ideal couple to

ments

beggared

belief,

thought

Claire, that

Con hadn't been happy together. They'd seemed

in the

her.

There had never been any argu-

Shanahan household, no high dramas, nothing

to indicate that they weren't living the lives they to a

live.

And now

her mother was saying that

it

had

wanted all

been

sham. That those happy family evenings in front of the

TV or sitting

together in the flower- filled garden had been

nothing more than an

illusion. It

was simply unacceptable,

She couldn't believe that her entire childhood - and indeed her entire life - had been Claire

thought

helplessly.

based on a fiction. Con and Eileen didn't love each other. They never had. They'd only married because of her.

132

How She

bit

Will I

Know?

her fingernail. That was what was most difficult

to accept. Because of her, they'd lived for five years together.

on

Years of clinging

more than

thirty-

to something that

wasn't true. Years in which they'd have been happier apart.

How

could she not have guessed?

And

particularly

how

could she not have guessed that her lather had apparently

been seeing

a plethora

of other women-

ridiculously late age in his

he wanted to

Now

this

at

And

that was truly unbe-

father was nearing retirement age.

couldn't quite visualise him tripping up the

someone

-

- he'd apparently found one

with for ever.

live

Her

lievable.

life

else at this

point in his

life.

She with

aisle

And what about

this

woman - this Lacey person? In her fifties, she remembered. Had she been married before too? Was there another family background? Would her father expect her to

in the

the

new woman

in his life

like

and accept whatever baggage

she was bringing with her?

Was Lacey someone

A widow who herself?

nity

had

Or was

and seized

Which was

she a

it,

she?

like her? Claire

wondered suddenly.

decided to make

finally

woman who

a

new

life

for

had seen .m opportu-

not caring that Coil was already married-

A

saint or a slut?

She supposed she'd better phone him when she got

home. Eileen would undoubtedly have been on to him already, letting all far

too

him know

civilised,

that Claire had been told.

It

was

she told herself. All too matter-of-fact.

She supposed she should be happy that her parents had

made so ...

the decision it

if

that was

went to prove

what they w anted but even

you did manage to men, you couldn't be guaran-

that even if

navigate that minefield of

133

teed to have got

it

appear to everyone

Sheila

O'Flanagan

right.

No

matter

how

great

might

it

else.

Although she never would have admitted

it

aloud to

anyone, Eavan Keating loved being a housewife. Being a stay-at-home mother had never been on her agenda in her early days with

Claire

want to marry and

Locum

Libris,

when

Hudson and

Bill

struggle with married

mortgage before her twenty- first

a

she'd sat opposite

Shanahan and wondered why on earth Claire would

birthday.

life

Eavan had

argued vociferously with Claire about tying herself

down

and committing herself too soon - getting married, she'd

when you'd finished playing the field home - well, that was for women in their own achievements. She conceded

often said, was for

And

a bit.

staying at

who had no pride

that Claire wasn't selling out completely since she

acting as Biir*s PA, but, she told her friend, quite the

own

that

it

same thing when you didn't have

really

a job

was

wasn't

of your

was completely separate from anything your

husband might do. Eavan had never considered herself to be an career

woman

all-out

but she'd never expected to decide to give

up her job and devote her time to her husband and her daughter

either.

creche with

However,

room

as she'd struggled to find a

to take baby Saffy and allow her to

back to work, she'd

felt

go

increasingly desolate about the

choice she was making. She didn't want to leave her

gorgeous, smiling baby with strangers for the best part of the day. She didn't want to have to rush

stress-making

traffic

home through

jams to pick her up and then find

134

How

Will I

Know?

herself too tired to play with her in the evenings. She didn't

want anything

her

in

to be

life

more important than

Softy's

welfare and happiness.

So, with only a couple of weeks to

go before she went

back to the printing and publishing firm, she'd sofa beside

Glenn and asked him

some cutbacks on

Locum

with

company

Over the

known

She'd

all.

sat

on the

wasn't possible, with

their part, for her to give

Libris after

tricky proposition.

if it

years she'd

done

up her job

that

it

was

a

well with the

so that she'd ended up being promoted

a

number

of times. Even allowing for the costs of childcare they'd be taking a significant cut

And

their

dream house

chunk out of Glenn's 'I

know

it'll

was sleeping didn't

be

on the

stopped working.

already took a huge

salary.

she'd whispered (because Saffy

her), 'but surely

the sofa and she

we can manage?

1

that crossed Glenn's face was fleeting.

'Whatever you think

love

if she

Howth

Moses basket beside

want to wake

The anxious look

income

in

difficult,'

in her

kissed her softly

in

he told her, and then he'd

best,'

on the mouth. They'd ended up making

sofa while Saffy slept.

And Eavan knew

that

made the best possible decision for their family even if it did mean that Glenn had committed himself to working they'd

even harder.

Eavan was being staff

a

still

mother.

surprised at

And

at

how

how

simple

easily she'd it

meetings for coffee with other

mums

Of

course

deadlines for pooling childcare.

crazy sometimes - Saffy was

still

Twos phase and was sometimes 135

taken to

had been to swap and proofing it

drove her

going through her Terrible the most impossible child

Sheila

O'Flanagan

in the universe to deal with; she'd insisted

her

CD

one Thursday afternoon

damn

the

on

bus and drive

until it

Eavan had wanted to get on

off the nearest

cliff;

been the day when Saffy had taken Eavan's tion of

listening to

of 'The Wheels on the Bus' over and over again

make-up and thrown

it all

down

there 'd also

entire collec-

Those

the toilet.

were the times, Eavan thought, when being

at

work was

the easy option.

But mostiy, chosen

role.

now, she was

like

She

sat in the

blissfully

happy

in

her

back garden and allowed herself

the luxury of a glass of chilled white wine to reward herself for giving the kitchen a really

Saffy

and her best

thorough cleaning

friend, Rachel

earlier.

Gorman, were playing

happily in the sandpit in the shadiest corner of the garden,

engrossed in their world of make-believe. Eavan had agreed to take Rachel for a couple of hours while her mother,

Ruth, was haying her hair done. Ruth usually returned the favour. It

doesn't get

much

better than this, Eavan thought, as

she sipped her wine. She closed her eyes and wallowed in

her

moment of

be

satisfied

pleasure and satisfaction at having the

and the perfect husband.

perfect house

about

it,

It's

not wrong to

she told herself guiltily, as she opened

her eyes again. We've worked hard. Glenn

still

works hard.

We're entitled to nice things.

And

it

was

nice.

She looked proprietorially around

at

her neatiy trimmed lawn and carefully tended evergreens, as well as the blazes

and

of colour that were her beds of alyssum

flax in vivid yellow,

she bit her

lip

as she

blue and bright, bright red.

gazed 136

at the

Then

beautiful flowing

How burgundy

Hudson sadly. I

few years

The

together.

And

him

I

too.

why

come here good times

seeing the shrub probably reminds her of

her watch and frowned suddenly. Nearly

at

late.

He'd had

day because there was some

to

really

go

in to the office that

important staff meeting.

Eavan hadn't been overly pleased about the was working on thirty- five -hour

a Saturday,

but

working week was

it

a thing

he

fact that

The

often happened.

of the

past, espe-

Glenn's industry. He'd promised that he'd be back

by three, though.

phoned

to

He

her

tell

was often

first.

It

for living with each other.

times.

Bill

thought

she doesn't like to

four of us used to have such

Glenn was

cially in

from

a present

Claire, she

never thought of that before.

She looked four.

Poor old

earlier.

can understand

very often.

Know?

mallow which had been

tree

a

Will I

Don't

marriage.

It

let

late

usually

rules they

Keep each other informed

each other

let

had

at all

worry and suspicion crowd into the

wasn't, they agreed, that they had to

where the other person was every but they'd

home, but he

was part of the

know

single

second of the day,

know about

variations in their

routines. It

hadn't actually seemed that important

when

they were

both working but since Eavan had given up her job to at

home

that

it

mattered more to her. She didn't

Glenn was managing to keep on with

while hers had changed.

And

like to

stay

think

his old lifestyle

despite the fact that she

couldn't have been happier with the change she was aware that there

was

still

a general

agreement

in the

working

environment that stay-at-home mothers didn't quite contribute as

much

as

people

137

who

slaved

away

for the

Sheila O'Flanajjan

They would pay lip service to the work home, she knew. But they never it. Until she'd made the switch she didn't

corporate good.

of women

who

quite believed quite believe

it

She looked

gone on

ably

ings herself,

stayed at

herself.

at

her watch again.

- she'd been

a bit

The meeting had probat

those types of meet-

where you thought that everything was sorted

and then someone would pop up with

and the whole thing would there was the

where

traffic.

start

all

Saturday, with everyone going to the All the same, tailback.

he usually phoned

I'm not

And

then

Glenn's office was in Blanchardstown,

was notoriously heavy,

traffic

a stupid question

over again.

his keeper, said

he was stuck

if

on

especially

huge shopping

some

in

Eavan firmly to

a

centre.

herself.

But now that she'd noticed the time she knew that she'd be conscious of his lateness until he

And

finally

made

it

home.

she'd worry, very slighdy, until she heard the car pull

into the driveway.

She wondered

if

Glenn ever worried about

didn't need to, of course. Saffy that there

him

Her

life

her.

He

was so bound up with

was nothing she could do that could cause

to worry. She frowned again and bit her

lip.

Whenever

she worried about Glenn - and, she had to admit, those

times were rare -

it

was that he had somehow been lured

into accepting an alcoholic drink again. fabric

In

of their

lives

would

And

that the

collapse because of

some ways she wished she'd known Glenn

alcohol-filled days.

whole

it.

in his

Because of not knowing, she was acutely

aware that in her mind she'd built them up into a period

of hedonistic excess and black

138

despair.

And

she was

terri-

How fied that they

Will I

Know?

might happen again.

Of course

they might

not have been that bad. But she knew from the newspaper articles

living

she'd read and the

TV programmes

with an alcoholic was complete it.

I'm living with one now, she Just because he doesn't drink

hasn't changed that fact. I'm living with

complete

hell.

It's

the very worst of him. as far as

And

perfectly fine.

panicking every time he's

worst when,

she'd seen that

She didn't think

sternly.

she could cope with

reminded herself

hell.

a

few seconds

Why

him and I

it's

not

have to stop

late

and thinking

the hell should

I

think the

I'm concerned, he's always been the

best?

The sound of the

car pulling

up outside the door made

her relax suddenly. She recognised the tone of the engine, the slamming of the door and the beep of the alarm. Glenn

was home. Everything was

Claire

was

in front

reeling

still

fine.

from her mother's news

as she sat

of the computer and opened her web browser

again. She

still

found

of her parents'

split.

it

impossible to take in the

And

she

felt

more

rant about the relationships between

full

impact

stupid and igno-

men and women

than

ever before. She was worse than hopeless, she told herself.

Georgia didn't stand a chance with her

as a

mother. She

had to do something. She would give herself two options, she decided. She would contact JustMe and then she'd call Paul Hanratty too. If she

had two dates her mother could hardly get

her for staying as

much

home too much.

information on dating men!

139

at

Plus she'd gather twice

O'Flanagan

Sheila

She logged on to the HowWilllKnow

site

and found

JustMe, then clicked the 'Contact' button and started an e-mail.

I'm easy-going, non-smoker, drink wine, work from home.

Average

height,

red-gold-blonde hair. She paused for a

moment. What did she matter like

if

really

want to

she was only going to see

warm

weather, animals

and

tell

him? Did

it

him once anyway? /

sport.

She paused again

and then shrugged her shoulders; there was no point

in

not being truthful. I have a daughter. But she wasn't going to

him Georgia's

tell

She wasn't going to put any

age.

information about Georgia on the net. Please contact

Her a

finger hovered over the 'Send' button for almost

minute before she

Everything wasn't exactly

finally hit

Not

fine.

it.

Eavan wasn't sure

really.

what the problem was, but she knew something

was bothering Glenn. He'd come into the house and his briefcase

on the kitchen counter

hello to her, looked out the

now

me

WLTM.

if you

since Rachel

as usual.

window at where

had gone home

He'd

Saffy (alone

a little earlier)

demolishing the sandcastles they'd

built;

left

said

was

then he'd

walked upstairs and into the bathroom, where she'd heard the sound of the shower being turned on. She'd stood outside the bathroom wondering what on earth the matter was and what

do about

on earth she was supposed

to

it.

Glenn had spent ages

in the

downstairs again before the

bathroom and she'd gone

hum 140

of the shower ceased. By

How came

the time he

Will I

Know?

to join the family, she and Safry were

rebuilding the sandcastles again.

He

looks tired, she thought. There were shadows under

and

his eyes

his

brow was

creased.

saw both of them and stretched Saffy to rush into.

He

his

But he smiled

as

arms open wide

whirled her round in the

he for

while

air

she shrieked with laughter and begged him to spin faster

and

faster.

'I'll fall

over

if I

do much more.' He put her

the ground and staggered slighdy.

He

sat

on the wooden

'Of course,' he I

'Sure,'

dying of

it

on is.'

patio bench.

OK?' asked Eavan.

'Are you

'Can

gently

Tm totally dizzy as ,

said. 'Just dizzy.

get you a drink of water?'

he

'Water'd be lovely.

said.

It's still

so hot, I'm

thirst.'

Eavan brought him

a

long frosted glass

filled

to the

brim. 'You're late home,' she said.

'Oh, you

know how

'Everyone has to have but

we

still

it is

at

his say.

meetings,' said Glenn

easily.

We're expanding the network

have to cut costs. I'm going to be out of the

office for the next

few weeks.'

'Out where?' she asked. 'With

clients,'

he told

her.

'Don't even bother ringing

me on

the landline. Just

call

the mobile.'

'Are

you happy about

it?'

she asked.

'What can

I

do?' he returned. 'The pressure

increase business. I've got to 'Well, don't

kill

do what

I've

yourself,' she told him.

141

is

on

got to do.'

to

Sheila

'Darling,

Whatever

it's

not a question of

takes to pay the

it

Eavan looked worried.

'Of course 'Because

O'Flanagan

'Is it

myself or not.

killing

mortgage

I'll

do.'

a problem?' she asked.

not,' he said firmly.

if it is

.' .

.

'Don't worry so much,' said Glenn. 'Everything's

Now come

fine.

on, do you want to go out to dinner tonight?'

'Out?' Eavan looked surprised.

me and

'You and

Saffy.

A

family night out.'

'Where?'

Howth

'The Mexican in

is

nice,'

he suggested. 'And

child-friendly.'

'OK.' She smiled cheek. 'I

'I

love

do

you

him and then

at

love you,

kissed

him on the

you know.'

too,' said

Glenn

as

he hugged her close to

him.

much

later that night,

for a long

walk along the

Claire didn't ring her father until after she'd

taken

seafront, during issue

Phydough

which she'd talked through the whole

of her parents' broken marriage with him. He'd

barked from time to time

as

though he was agreeing with

her that the situation was incredible.

Then

about registering with HowWilllKnow. too. She felt better afterwards, but

she

still

when

hadn't plucked up the courage to

sure that she really say,

He

wanted to

to discover that Eileen

listen to

had been

she told him

barked

she call.

at that

came home She wasn't

what Con had to

telling the truth

when

she said that there had never been real love in the marriage. Claire didn't

want to

believe that.

142

How So she'd yet

Will I

Know?

sat at the kitchen table, flicking

more magazines

(this

her way through

time Georgia's teen mags) and

between the ages of twelve

wondering whether

all

and seventeen

did spend their entire

really

girls

lives

worrying

about spots on their foreheads and bad breath and not being able to

kiss

properly and lusting after

some bloke

whose name they didn't even know. They worried about wrong,

their clothes being

being too

fat,

They worried about

everything. That

thought, as she read an Really

their hair being

wrong, about

too thin, having big breasts or small breasts

article

Means What He

Says'.

all c

about I

passed

How To

always knew

me

by, she

Tell If

He

what

Bill

meant.

She stacked the magazines

in a pile

the cordless phone. She couldn't put

it

and then picked up off any longer. She

walked out into the dusky evening with the receiver

in

her

hand. Mars, low on the horizon, shone orange-white with reflected light in the sky.

sideways above

A

creamy crescent

She dialled her

it.

'Hello, honey,' he said

on the

father's first

moon hung

mobile phone.

ring.

'Hi, Dad.'

'How 'I'm

are you?'

OK.

You?'

'Grand,' said Con. 'I'm glad you called.'

T had

to

call,'

said Claire. 'To hear

your side of every-

thing.'

T thought your mother would have made it clear that Con sounded testy. 'It's a mutual

there aren't any sides.' decision, Claire.'

T

know,' she

said.

'Mum was very explicit on 143

that point.

Sheila O'Flanafjan

that

It's just

find

I

it

so hard to believe.

I

thought you

loved each other.'

'Look,

know your mother

I

says

we

And

after

never did,'

Con

did at the

start.

We

told her. 'But that's not entirely true.

you were born. But we weren't the

right sort

of people to be married to each other.' 'Seems to this

me

that if

you managed to

long there doesn't seem to be

much

stay together for

point in changing

now,' said Claire. 'Ah, Claire, 'I

you don't

do,' she snapped.

moving

in with another

you'd have more

It

really

mean

that.'

mean, Dad, you're talking about

woman. At your

age!

thought

I

sense.'

precisely because I've reached this age that

'It's I

'I

do

should

it,'

said

Con. 'Me and your mother

wasn't always an uncomfortable

tion for Eileen,

Lacey and

I

you know. But

want to marry

I

lie. I

I

think

lived a

lie.

have a lot of affec-

don't love her.

I

do

love

her.'

'Oh, surely you've got past that stage in your

by

life

now!' cried Claire.

wanting to love someone and be with them?

'Past

don't think 'It's

to love

so.'

not that .

.

.'

Con sounded I

I

defiant.

don't think you shouldn't have someone

Claire

found -

really felt. 'It's just that

it

how she why you need

difficult to express

well, I don't see

to rush into marrying her.'

'Hardly rushing,' said

Con

drily. 'It's

been

a

long

rela-

tionship.'

'Oh, could.

I

don't care,' said Claire as dismissively

'Do whatever you think 144

is

right.'

as

she

'

'I

How

Will I

am,' said Con. 'So

when

Know?

will

you come and meet

her?'

Tm

busy

moment,'

at the

while Georgey's away .

.

.

plus

.

Con

.

.

.

and

there's

.

.

.

.

and

done

to get a lot

I've

people to sec

someone coming I'll

to see about

call

you.'

said nothing.

will call,'

promised

town

'I'm in I

um

.

.

up the garden. So, you know,

tidying

'I

.

.

some

said Claire. 'I've got

work on hand, I'm using the opportunity

thought

it

at

Claire.

lunchtime on Monday,' said (on,

would be the

ideal opportunity.

\md

1

'Oh.' 'After

all, it'll

only be a couple of hours. Laccv

will

be

able to spare the time then too.'

'You've talked

with you today

over with her already?'

I

told

me

she'd gone through

it

all

talked to Lacey about meeting you. She'd

you, Claire. She

like to see

lot

it

mum

'When your

really

would.

I've told her a

about you.' 'I still

meet

don't

know why

there has to be this big rush to

up,' said Claire sourly.

'Come no big

on,' urged

deal.

'It's just

Con. 'A quick lunch, meet and

greet,

Honesdy.'

that

—

'Please, Claire.'

'Oh,

all

right.'

She wished she hadn't sounded so ungra-

cious, but she couldn't help herself. She

parents were steam-rollering her into a lives.

A

phase she wasn't ready for

'Great.'

Con sounded

felt as

yet.

relieved. 'Lacey

145

though her

new phase of their works off Nassau

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Street.

Why

don't

we meet

in Fitzer's at

be able to get a table outside.

I'll

book

one?

it

We

had never heard her father sounding so

Claire

might

anyway.' decisive

before. 'OK,' she said.

'Thanks, Claire.'

That's OK.'

you then?'

'So we'll see 'Yes. Sure.'

'I'm looking forward to

my

I've seen

he told

it,'

her. 'It's ages since

favourite daughter.'

'Your only daughter,' she reminded him automatically, carrying

on the

why

'That's

She

felt

verbal ritual that had started years ago.

you're

her eyes

my

fill

favourite,'

he

said.

up with unexpected

tears. 'I love

you,' she said. 'I

love

you

too,'

he answered, before hanging up.

She walked back into the kitchen and chair. It

seemed to her

sat in the

wicker

was the only one upset

that she

over the break-up of her parents' marriage. Eileen and

both seemed happy.

And

important thing. But she

around the

that, she still

couldn't quite get her head

fact that at this stage in their lives they

both prepared to change things completely. can see

thought,

I

with the

fifty-

But

Mum?

isn't exactiy a

how Dad would

be on her own.

bed of

She got

were

suppose, she

in the wings!

And

being on your

own

too.

own

roses.

She frowned. She was on her right.

I

be happy, and him

two -year- old woman waiting

She'll

Con

supposed, was the most

by, didn't she? If she

146

And

it

was

all

ignored the nagging

How sadness of missing

Bill,

Will I

Know?

the rest of her

life

was OK. But

then, she reminded herself, she had Georgia. Eileen had

nobody. Surely, despite whatever she might

needed someone

in

her

life

too?

147

say,

her mother

Chapter 10

Tellima (Fringecup) - White frothy flowers on a semi-ever-

green plant. Lift and divide every few

When

years.

the alarm went off the following

morning Eavan

rolled over in the

Monday

bed and

hit the

off button, squeezing her eyes tightly closed so that she didn't

wake up

properly. Saffy

had taken to sleeping

till

around seven, and Eavan wanted to catch up on every extra

minute she could

in bed.

She waited for Glenn to

get up so that she could pull the sheet her.

Even

in the hottest

more tighdy around

weather she liked having the sheet

practically over her head.

She drifted in the half-world between sleep and waking, expecting to the bed. all

feel

And

the

movement of Glenn

getting out of

then she realised that he hadn't

moved

at

and she was suddenly wide awake. She

sat

'You'll

be

He

up and yawned, then shook him by the shoulder. late,'

she hissed. 'Get up.'

blinked a couple of times, then looked at her in

surprise.

'Whassa matter?'

148

How 'The alarm went off 'You didn't hear

Glenn closed

Will I

fifteen

Know?

minutes ago,' she told him.

it.'

his eyes.

Tm

'Glenn!' Eavan looked at

tired/ he said.

him

in

have to get up. You said that you had

'Mmm.' He lay immobile on down at him. Then he opened 'God,

sorry.

I

I

He pushed

schedule today.

I

wide and

sat up.

didn't realise what

the sheet to one side. Tou'rc

will be late.'

She watched

as

room and went

he opened the door of the en-suite bath-

Soon she could hear him singing

inside.

in his rich baritone

over the sound of the shower. She ran

her hands through her sleep-tousled

hair.

Something wasn't

Glenn had been acting strangely ever

quite right.

Saturday meeting.

It

since his

couldn't just be worries about work.

Eavan knew that the phone business was going through cut-throat phase at the his

1

back while she looked

his eyes

wasn't properly awake.

was going on.' right.

his

astonishment. 'You

a full

moment, but Glenn was good

job and she was certain that

if

he'd been

a at

by

set targets

management he'd have no trouble in meeting them. Maybe, though, he was concerned about the long-term future of the Trontec, the company he worked for. senior

She twirled the ends of her hair around her

Maybe,

like

so

many companies

that had been set

ringers.

up over

the past few years, Trontec's viability was under question.

And Glenn

didn't

want to worry her with

Trontec went under

.

.

.

went under, then the Keating family was financially.

She

felt

it

Eavan shuddered ...

because if

in big trouble

her stomach constrict with tension.

maybe, she told herself

if

Trontec

Or

as she released the breath she'd

149

Sheila O'Flanajjan

been holding, maybe she was

just getting everything

of proportion. She needed to

chill

out a

little.

out

Not worry

so much.

That was the one disadvantage of not having

own

job of her

about everything

was awake

Claire

It

else instead.

early too.

and, instantly

six

was too

house, but

alert,

sun to

at

about

of the

hit the patio area

was pleasantly warm, even

on the edge of the

sat

She'd opened her eyes

had got up and gone downstairs.

early for the it

paying

a

to worry her, she realised. She worried

in the shade.

table, her feet resting

She

on the wooden

bench, and thought about her coming lunch date with her

and

father

My

his

new

dad and

girlfriend.

his girlfriend.

my

God, she thought, how on

earth

am

am

going to behave with her?

I

I

going to get

but that's because

But

it's

not

fair

I

to

head around I

it?

How

don't want to

the hell like

her

don't want to accept what's happened.

Dad

to be nasty to her.

What

if she's

how can I think that? After all, I'm the eejit who thought my mother

nice?

What

if I

think she's perfect for him? But

was perfect for him! She heaved an enormous settled

sigh,

and Phydough, who'd

under the bench, looked up

at her.

'People should stick to dogs,' she told

him

as

him with her bare

toes.

'Much

stretched her legs to tickle

she

less trouble.'

She gazed out over the garden and then frowned focus. She'd told her father that

150

as

her

came into she was getting someone

eyes stopped at a bank of weeds which suddenly

How to

Know?

Will I

come and look it. She'd said it because it had been in mind for ages, and because it made her

the back of her

Con wouldn't

time sound occupied so that

could just drop everything and meet

think that she

Lacey person.

this

She hadn't actually planned on doing anything

now, looking

at

it,

she

knew

that

yet.

But

needed tending sooner

it

later. The combination of the heavy rain earlier month and the hot sun of the last week or so had made it grow all the more rampantly and out of control. The wonderful red-hot pokers looked tall but anaemic in

rather than in the

and the beds of Galaxy

their patch along the side wall,

sweet peas were parched through lack of care. In the height

of summer, when the garden should have been

ment

to

Bill, it

who

But

a

testa

looked ragged and forgotten.

to get? She

knew

Eavan and Glenn had

that

contracted a big and (they thought prestigious landscaping )

firm to

do

their

garden

a few

vears earlier but that they

hadn't been a hundred per cent happy with the work.

Gardening- lite, Eavan had called

it

sniffily,

remarked that they were more interested unusual features than putting

down

and had

charging for

in

would

plants that

thrive.

Claire slid

from the

the too-long grass.

table

and walked, barefoot, through

The lawn was

and under the apple and pear

full

trees

it

of clover, she

by moss. Dry now, though. She scuffed

and

a

frowned tion,

at

it

with her heel

cloud of dust and moss floated into the

ducked

as a

wasp flew past

slightly.

They were

towards the house.

her, all

151

air.

She-

and then another. She

going

And now

realised,

was being taken over

in the

same

that she noticed

direcit,

she

Sheila

O'Nanagan

could see that they were flying with a purpose and disappearing under the gutter. Shit, she thought.

had

a wasps' nest a

someone out

to deal with

him stung

nearly had

few years it

after Bill's

When

to death.

A nest.

DIY

attempts had

the expert had called

much

to the house, dressed in protective clothing

Georgia's

amusement and

nest could contain as

thought of Bill

fifty

delight, he'd told

many

them

had appalled

in the eaves

but intrigued Georgia. Nevertheless, they'd

when

relieved

it

to

that a

thousand wasps. The

as fifty

thousand wasps

They'd

and had had to get

earlier

all

been

had been destroyed.

So, she thought. Garden things. Either decide to

myself or get someone else to do nest exterminator.

As soon

it.

as possible.

And

do

it

find a wasps'

But not today. She

on anything other than lunch today. keep in mind, she mused as she allowed

couldn't concentrate

What

she had to

her though ts to v

that this

drift

woman had

So she had

all

would have

back to her father and Lacey, was

been

in his

life

knew

told Lacey about her and her

Lacey had been around aftermath. She

at the

would know

herself probably didn't

Phydough

that her father life

with

Bill.

time of the accident and

its

things about Claire that Claire

want her to know.

She went back into the house and to take

for four years already.

the advantages. Claire

for an early

upstairs.

She decided

walk so that she could have

plenty of time later to get ready.

The dog was only too him

pleased to get out and about early, and she allowed

to choose his favourite route along the seafront. Already a snake

My

of commuting

life isn't

cars stretched along the

main road.

so bad, she thought suddenly. I'm here

152

on

a

How sunny morning with

Know?

Will I

my dog

while

all

those people are

stuck in hot cars. Quite suddenly she

incredibly

felt

cheerful.

'Come on

Phy,' she called. 'Let's run.'

So the two of them loped along the grassy walk while her hair flew out behind her and her legs stretched further

with every step. Eventually they stopped and she sank to her knees.

Tm

not

fit,'

she told the dog. 'Really I'm not.'

But, she admitted to herself, she had been able to run.

She hadn't

over and

fallen

it

been fun. Phydough barked C

I

can't

do

it

hadn't hurt her and

it

had

softly at her.

Phydough.

again,' she said. 'I'm in a lather,

1

more circumspect on the way home. Phydough would have liked to run again. But he trotted

Let's be a bit

happily beside her as they turned back towards the house.

When

home,

she got

Claire

went into the bathroom

and ran herself a lukewarm bath. She crumbled some rose scented cubes into

it

and then

slid into

the silky water. She

leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

was

It

a

long

time since she'd luxuriated in a bath, and she allowed her

mind

to drift as the delicate perfume of the cubes soothed

her. If I

can run

tennis or

badminton

I

wouldn't be

big deal?

as

To my

she thought,

like that,

again.

good pride,

as

I

I

know it's

was before, but

maybe, because

of the good players. But so what Isn't that

maybe

different

if I

I

is

I

can play

and

I

know

that such a

was always one

can compete again?

more important?

After her bath she went into the office and checked her e-mails. She'd

checked them a couple of times since sending

153

Sheila

O'Flanagan

the message off to JustMe although so far she hadn't had

any

now

But

reply.

new message appeared

a

She was surprised to

opening

realise that

in her in-box.

she was nervous about

it.

Hello, Soft Cell, she read, wincing as she

name

she'd given herself in print.

stupid. sweet.

Thanks for your message. Tou sound

Only thing

I think

she's the right

off the

list.

wishes,

Fm

person for me. So

and

really nice last

week and

taking

my name

I went out with someone

is,

saw the user

looked and sounded

It

Plus, to be very honest, I can't stand kids. Best

JustMe.

She stared

message. He'd turned her down. She

at the

couldn't quite believe

it.

about picking

All that agonising

the right person and writing the right message and he'd

turned her down! She was surprised

And

felt.

'Delete'. site

rejected.

how

offended she hit

She thought about accessing the HowWilllKnow

again and finding

heart wasn't in

it.

molecular

someone

else.

But, right now, her

She closed down her e-mail program

and opened her work at the

at

She highlighted the message and

file

instead.

Sometimes

life

was better

level.

At twelve o'clock she stopped working so

that she could

get ready for lunch. 'So, Phy,

what d'you

think?' she asked the dog,

who'd

followed her into the bedroom. 'I'm meeting Dad's friend.

Should

I

girl-

look chic and sophisticated or down-to-

earth?'

Phydough watched his

white and grey

'Maybe

I

her, his

brown

eyes half hidden by

fur.

should check out the magazines and see what's

154

How hot

in

Will I

Know?

make-up,' she continued. 'Though most of mine

years old.' She frowned.

Having

just

is

been reading about

document she was working on, she suddenly you were supposed to throw out makefew months because otherwise it became a play-

bacteria in the

remembered up

after a

ground

that

for the microscopic

thought, as she

rummaged

wand of

year-old

mascara.

forms.

life

Oh

well, she

her nylon bag for her two-

in

have to go out with ray

I'll

eyelashes crawling. Yeuch!

She opened the wardrobe door and looked clothes.

Not

They were

a dismal collection, she

at

her

acknowledged.

that she'd ever really been a slave to fashion, but every

single skirt or top or pair of trousers

old, if not more. in particular

Some of them -

nearly

this year's

all

at least

two yean

- were both too loose to wear now and too

short to hide her scarred knee.

whereas

was

the pre-accident skirts

which

plain white,

hardly daring.

The

look was narrow.

trousers were wide,

And

her T-shirts were but was

at least didn't date

Though why do

I

want to look daring? she

asked herself moodily, as she took one from the drawer

beneath her blouse

who

rail.

wants to marry

potential stepmother?

the appropriate

second wife

word

I'm meeting

my

a

middle-aged

dad. Did that

wondered

woman

make Laccy her

Claire suddenly.

Was

that

for adult children to use for the

after a divorce?

We

need more terms, she

muttered, to deal with ever more complicated

lives.

In the end she settled for a soft cotton leaf-green dress

which brought out the amber glints in

in her eyes

and the golden

her hair and which was long enough to cover her

knees. She brushed bronzer over her face (definitely less

155

Sheila O'Flanagcin

knew, than a week ago, thanks to the sun), dabbed some grey eye shadow on her. lids and touched up her lips pale, she

with a tinted face, slid

She

salve.

some gold

locket which

Bill

her soft curls loose around her

left

earrings into her ears and fastened the

had given her

around her neck. She chose

for her twenty-first birthday

a low-heeled pair

which didn't rub against her now-healed

of sandals

blisters

but which

gave her enough height to carry off the rather clingy dress. 'I'll

have to do,' she told Phydough. 'Let's face

much I

matter. She's going to

it, it

doesn't

marry Dad regardless of how

look!'

She caught the bus

end of the Malahide Road

at the

and then walked along the quays and up Westmoreland Street, past Trinity College, city

was thronged with

towards the restaurant. The

tourists

and Dubliners

alike, all

enjoying the warmth of the sun on their backs as they

walked the

Claire crossed the road at

^twisting streets.

continued along Nassau Street and turned up

Trinity,

Dawson

Street.

The

restaurant was nearby; she could

already see the tables and chairs

on the pavement

and she hoped that her

had managed to book

father

outside, a

table.

In fact he was sitting there already, but he was alone. Claire's heart skipped a beat.

her mind.

changed

Maybe

Maybe Lacey had changed

bringing everything into the open had

their relationship

and she didn't want to be

Con any more. She sat down opposite

involved with 'Hi.'

her father,

who

smiled at

her.

'Hello, darling,' he said. 'You're looking well.'

156

How

Will I

Know?

'Thanks.'

He nodded

'No.'

at her.

'I

mean

it.

You do look

well.

Better than I've seen you look in ages.' the sun,' she told him. 'I've got a bit of colour.'

'It's

'It suits

far

you,' said

Con. 'You've been

too pale for

far

too long.'

A

waitress arrived at the table

Con

mineral water.

'So,' she said,

and Claire ordered

a

already had a glass in front of him.

when

the waitress had gone. "Where's

your new woman?'

Con

looked

Claire

her.

at

had

hearted but had only succeeded

knew

that this

was

in

tried

sound

to

sounding

light-

brittle.

to have her judging Lacey before they'd even met.

took

a sip

of

known

her for

long time.'

'New

to me.'

'She'll if

He

his water.

'She's hardly new,' he said carefully. 'I've a

He

but he wasn't going

difficult for her,

you

be here

lost the

'Dad,

in a

minute, and I'd

up to me,

taken aback.' She stared lifted

it

don't approve or disapprove,' cried Claire

I

untruthfully. 'It's not

then

really appreciate

tone of disapproval.'

is

it?

I'm

at the table for a

her eyes to look at him. 'And

just

still

a bit

moment And I

wish

it

was

different.' 'I

wish

it

was different

- oh, Claire,

I

wish your

too,' said

mum

and

Con. I

'At least - well

had done

this years

ago.' 'I

do understand.' But

attention had

Claire could see that her father's

moved from her 157

to the

woman who'd

just

O'Flanagan

Sheila

entered the restaurant. She stopped at their table and smiled. Claire didn't

know what

she'd expected her father's

when

created immediately

name -

girl-

had two mental images, one

friend to look like. She'd

Eileen had said the

woman's

woman

the brash image of a big- busted

years

younger than her father who'd seduced him with her physical

charms. But then

was

fifty-two, Claire

a slightly

when

Eileen had told her that Lacey

had readjusted her mental picture into younger version of Eileen herself - comfortably

plump, dark hair gone

grey, casual clothes

and

a relaxed

air.

Neither image was remotely correct. Lacey Dillon was a tiny

woman,

five

foot

tall at

She had ash- blonde hair cut shaped

face.

Her eyes were aqua

shift dress accessorised

offset

by

and

chunky

bob around She wore

a heart-

a turquoise

with matching backless shoes and

crystal necklace

fifty- five,

though

Claire

lower end of the estimate. In look

blue.

and equally chunky

She could have been anywhere between

earrings. five

a

the most, Claire reckoned.

in a neat

much

older than

me

at

'Hi there.' Lacey kissed

would have put her

fact, all.

Which

Con on

hand. 'I'm delighted to meet you Claire

as I

is

a bit depressing!

the cheek and then as she

held out her

at last.'

had no choice but to accept

'Sorry I'm

rang just

at the

she thought, she doesn't

turned to Claire. 'I'm Lacey,' she said

was firm and

thirty-

it.

The handshake

decisive. late.'

Lacey

sat

was leaving the

on the empty chair. 'Phone You know how it is.'

office.

'You work too hard.'

158

How Claire

Know?

Will I

opened her eyes wide. She'd never heard her

father speak in that tone of voice before. Solicitous

and

caring and, very slightly, chiding. Lacey laughed. 'I

know.

I

know. But

I

waitress, ordered a water,

dad

says that

'Not but

you work

can't help

for yourself.

exactly,' said Claire.

it's

all

for the

it.'

She waved

and then smiled

T do

a lot

of work from

same company and

used to work from

'When

I set

home

I

'I

suppose not.'

'I

want her to

me

retire,' said

Con.

first.

to stay

not the same.

director. It's fine but

home

there a

in

call

I

guess.'

myself,' Lacey told her.

up the recruitment company

was taken over and they asked

'Your

From home.'

couple of times a month. I'm a sort of freelance, 'I

at the

at Claire.

on

But then

as

it

managing

1

'Travel the world with

me.'

'You can't afford to

travel the world,' said Claire shortly.

Lacey picked up the single-sheet it.

menu and looked

'I'm going to have the Caesar salad,' she said.

perfect for a hot

summer's

at

'It's

1

day.

Both Con and Claire picked up

their

menus

too.

'Same for me.' Claire put the menu back on the

table.

Con's glance flickered between the two of them. 'The

Dover

sole,'

he

said.

'With a side

salad.'

'Dad!' Claire looked at him in astonishment. 'No

wedges?' 'No,' said Con. 'I'm trying to look after myself these days.'

They gave sat

their orders to the hovering waitress

back in their

chairs.

159

and then

Sheila

'So, Claire,' said Lacey.

O'Flanagan

'I

guess you want to

know about

me.' 'I

suppose

'Well,

so,' said Claire.

straightforward. I'm fifty-two, a single

it's all fairly

mother of two grown-up your dad and city.

As

I

said earlier,

I

ally talk

to

near Lusk but

live

I

closer to the

I'm the managing director of a

recruit-

met your dad when

I

went to the

Dundalk where he worked, but

I

didn't actu-

ment company. factory in

children,

want something smaller and

him

I first

until

months

later.

We

started seeing each

other and have been seeing each other ever since.

him very much and

met anyone so

Claire gulped. She'd never in her

before.

life

nothing in children.

And,

common

I

love

want to marry him.'

I

could

as far as she

matter-of-fact see, there

was

between Lacey and Eileen. Except the

She frowned and looked

other

at the

woman. Or

'A single *mother?' she asked. 'Are you divorced?

widowed?' Her tone softened

'When

'No,' said Lacey.

my

never married the fathers of

squeaked

'Fathers!' 'I

a dreadful mistake.

baby. Dylan

daughter of

and a

a

little

'I

my

first

forgot to

But I'm

Irish

tell

when

single. I

I first

started

at the time. It

and Catholic.

own, Melanie. She's

dote.

me

when we

child

was very young

A

few years

wonderful guy and we had

nant

meant

I

was

had the

thirty-four now. He's married with a

is

his

I

children.'

Claire.

got pregnant with

working,' said Lacey.

slightly.

said single

I

that he

split

up.

I

after

a year

and

a half old

Dylan was born

a great relationship.

was married

already. I

I

met

But he

was preg-

told him, but not until after the

160

'

How baby was born. Solange

Canada

twenty-four. She's living in

is

right now.'

'And so now you've moved on to

Claire stared at her.

my

Know?

Will I

dad.'

Lacey laughed.

when

and

load, but really

not

'It's

baldly

I tell it

nant the

first

she said.

know

'I

worker's case-

like a social

truly, Claire,

you have to expect

life

like that at all,'

sound

I

when you've

lived

your

certain possibilities. Getting preg-

time was through ignorance and stupidity.

Getting pregnant the second time was sheer bad luck. I'm a

good mother not that

'It's

'But

I

I

don't see

'You

know

do with

to

to

my

kids,

I

know

I

am.

And

love your

I

Very much.'

father.

don't think you love him,' said Qaire.

why you

that's

the

have to

split

up our

not true,' said Lacey.

family.

had nothing

'I

split.'

'I'm finding that difficult to deal with at the said Claire. 'You see,

Mum

in

I

and Dad's marriage.

'No you're

not,' said

Con.

you were caught up with

life

and

I

were

moment/

didn't realise there was a problem

must be very

I

'Besides, for

stupid.'

most of your

Hudson. Your mother

Bill

bit players.'

Claire looked at her father. 'That's not true.' 'Claire,

from the moment you

set eyes

the most important person in your

on him he was

life.'

Claire said nothing.

'Now

I

have someone important in mine,' said Con.

'Your mother

is

happy

for

me.

I

want you to be happy

too.'

'Of course I'm happy

for you,' said Claire.

161

'And

I

know

Sheila O'Flanajjan

that

you and Lacey have been together

But

for

'I

me

this has

do understand

only

just,

for a long time.

happened.'

that,' said Lacey. 'I

of you feeling overwhelmed by

don't

think

like to

But your dad and

it all.

I

have made our decisions.' 'I'm worried about

T her

know,'

Con

how

Georgia

will react,' said Claire.

said, 'but Eileen thinks she'll take

it

in

stride.'

'There's only so already

much

she can take!' cried Claire. 'She's

had to put up with Lacey's voice was

'Yes.'

a hell soft.

of a

lot.'

'I'm really sorry about

everything that happened to you. I'm sure

it

was

a very

difficult time.'

Claire swallowed

and

bit

her

lip.

She wished she didn't

always feel like she'd been hit in the stomach whenever

anyone referred to the accident, even obliquely. But she couldn't .help herself. She was saved by the waitress, arrived with their food.

By the time

who

the plates had been

placed on the table, she'd regained her composure. 'She sounds great, your daughter,' said Lacey as she

ground black pepper on to her 'She

is,'

'Away

salad.

said Claire.

at the

moment?'

'She's having a ball.' Claire couldn't help smiling. 'But I'll

be glad to see her home. 'I

I

miss her.'

miss Solange too,' said Lacey.

'I

know

she's having

the most wonderful time abroad - she's working for a film

company and

they're shooting

some

TV

series in

Canada

because they get great tax breaks over there - but I'd rather she

was

at

home.'

162

much

How

Will I

Know?

'Does she have much to do with her

father?'

asked

Claire.

He made

Lacey grimaced. 'No.

it

quite clear to

he had a family and that he didn't see a place for Solange. first

my

When

that

she was eighteen they met up for the

much of him. She

time. She didn't think

man was

choice of

me

in his life

told

me

that

pretty poor.'

'So what will she say

when

she hears about you and

Dad?'

knows already/

'She

said Lacey calmly.

'I

told her a

little

while ago.'

'And your son?'

'He knows

'Am as she

bours

too.'

the only one

I

turned to Con. .

didn't

'Mum

'Claire, love,

we wanted

know?

1

Claire

and apparently

and Lacey 's family ...

.

.

who

to

is it

tell

just

all

demanded the neigh

tncV

you before now. But we

Con reached out ^nd know we were going to tell you when

didn't think you were

up to

it.'

grasped her hand. 'You before

.

.

.

when

.'

.

.

.

.

.

She freed her hand and spoke so inconveniently

'We needed to 'To get over

brutally.

'When

Bill

was

killed.'

give

you time

after that/ said

Con

gently.

it.'

'But everyone seems pretty sure I'm not over

it,'

snapped

'Mum nagged at me about it again. Eavan keeps on and on at me about going out and meeting people and getting on with my life.' Claire.

'Haven't you?' asked Lacey

'Oh, butt out.'

163

softly.

Sheila O'Flanafjan

'Claire!'

Con looked

'Sorry,' she said.

her angrily.

at

She pushed away her

She hadn't

plate.

eaten any salad but she really wasn't hungry. sorry, Lacey.

OK with

it.

I

OK

want to be

Just a bit taken aback, that's

And Mum's. You do

whatever

Tm

it

all. It's

you

is

like.'

truly I

am

your

life.

with you and Dad.

She stood

up.

'Claire—' 'Everything's fine,' she interrupted her father. 'I'm fine.

Don't worry about me. I'm not ready for

this type

just

not hungry and I'm

of conversation

all

I'm glad to have met you. You know I'm but

I

hope things work

'Nice to have 'Claire

—

really

over again. Lacey, still

a bit shocked,

out.'

met you

too,' said

Lacey calmly.

'Dad, I'm not insulting you or Lacey by leaving now.

Honestiy I'm, not.

you.' She picked

call

I'll

up her bag

and walked out of the restaurant without looking back.

Claire strode

up Dawson

Street

Street into Grafton Street. It street artistes, hair-braiders

and then cut through Duke

was crowded with people,

and tarot-readers

all

jostiing for

space outside the department stores and boutiques.

It

was

of Grafton Street

town and had braved the throngs shoppers. Her heart was still hammering

in her chest as

had been ever

ages since she'd been in

it

since

meeting Lacey and

her father.

The woman was OK, from her expectations

she conceded, but so different

as to

be

difficult to accept.

She'd

never have thought that her father would go for such a

164

How

Know?

and businesslike person, so completely and

brisk

from Eileen. And then Claire suddenly

different

that

Will I

maybe

it

utterly realised

was precisely because Lacey was so different

Con wanted

to Eileen that

to be with her.

though, she muttered under her breath

God

as she

above,

stood

at a

bank machine to get some money, she hadn't expected

someone with two

And

kids.

about sounding

like a social

out her

life.

had been right

worker's case. But she seemed

woman. She seemed

to be a very together

And two

a grandchild too!

different fathers to the children - Lacey

to have sorted

She probably despises me, thought Claire,

she tucked her euros into her purse. Whining about parents' marriage as

do about only

.

.

.

it

me

changing on

is

and

can't

at the

I

could possibly

thought desolately

want

all

I

.

.

.

.

.

.

every

going pear-shaped

it!

air,

suddenly rinding

don't want things to change, she

as she leaned against the red- brick wall

of the bank building. will. I

again. It's

Only

stupid child.

warm summer's

difficult to breathe.

never

like a

do anything to stop

She gulped it

there was anything

She tightened her grasp of her purse

thing I

if

anyway. Behaving

as

my

my

I

want to know that some things

parents to

still

love each other. She

blinked in the afternoon sunlight and stared unseeingly

down when

the length of the street, suddenly recalling the nights

her mother sat in front of the television, knitting

needles clicking determinedly, while her father was working late.

late.

pretence.

And

how many times he really had been And what it had cost Eileen to keep up the

She wondered

working

she

A

serial

knew

just like Joanna's

husband.

had been right to get

a divorce.

womaniser,

that Joanna

165

Sheila O'Flanajjan

them

can't force

I

to herself eventually.

I

to love each other, she can't

make them

murmured And

stay together.

nothing ever stays the same.

The

feeling

of panic ebbed

slightly.

She moved away

from the banklink machine and stopped by

a flower-seller's

bright and colourful display. There were scorching tiger

yellow sunflowers and multicoloured carnations. She

lilies,

thought of the empty vases dotted around her house and reached for her purse. Flowers would help. Flowers always helped.

She was handing over the money when she suddenly

He

spotted Glenn Keating. a bar, an almost

empty

was

sitting at a table outside

glass in front

of him, reading the

newspaper. Claire was so astonished at seeing him there that she almost forgot to take her change

from the flower-

seller.

She walked up to the bar and stopped

in front

of him.

'Hi, Glenn.'

He

looked up from the paper,

clearly starded. 'Claire!'

he exclaimed. 'What are you doing here?'

met my

'I

'Oh, me? 'In town?'

were

all

He few

every

was meeting

clients,'

She looked surprised.

he told 'I

her.

thought your

clients

around Castieknock.'

laughed. 'We've spread our wings a lot over the

years,'

drive.

She frowned. 'And you?'

father for lunch.' I

he told

her.

Didn't Eavan little

'And we're doing

tell

you?

I

a big

last

marketing

thought you two shared

thing.'

'Not quite. So you're busy?'

'Up to our

necks,' he said.

He

166

looked

at his

watch. 'In

How fact, Claire, I'd better

a

Will I

Know?

get going. I've another meeting in

few minutes' time. I'm

late already.'

'Yes. Sure,' she said.

He

reached into his pocket and took out a mauve

silk

tie.

'Better get kitted out,' he said as he knotted

it

round

his neck.

'Absolutely.' 'So, see

walked

you around.' He grabbed

briskly

down

his

briefcase

and

the street.

'You forgot your paper,' she called

after

was already swallowed up by the crowd.

167

him, but he

Chapter

Laurus (Bay Laurel) -

1

Glossy oval leaves. This grows best in

a container. Can be damaged by frost.

Later

that week, as she sat in front of the ice -white

computer reading about

new,

a

procedure which was replacing

and meant that patients spent hospital,

was

a

it

less invasive surgical

a tried

a

and tested old one

good

deal less time in

suddenly occurred to her that sometimes change

good

thing.

Obviously the changes that had

happened to her hadn't been good. Her

life

had been

devastated. But, in a totally different way, Eileen's had too.

And

Joanna's.

And

and friends had

all

Georgia's, of course. In fact her family

encountered

difficult times.

Yet

all

of

them, including her daughter, were facing up to new challenges.

Was

But

in her case she

that so terribly

why

was fighting against them.

wrong, though?

When

she'd had

it

remember it? It could never be as good again no matter what happened. She would always miss Bill at night. She would always be alone. She would always cry in the dark. Even if she won the lottery, all

before

shouldn't she

168

How or

if

Georgia became

a

Will I

world-wide successful superstar or

businesswoman or whatever or

if

she

met

Know?

a stinking rich

from HowWillKnow - even

was that she wanted most,

it

and remarkably handsome man any of those things happened

if

none of them could make her happier than she'd been before.

And

that

was why she didn't want anything

else to

change. Because no change could ever recapture the past.

The

screen dissolved into screensaver

she'd been staring at

it

for so

mode

because

long without doing anything.

She pushed the keyboard away from her and walked into her bedroom. She opened the wardrobe and looked

at

her

A

miserable, boring collection, she thought

as she stared at

them. She should have gone shopping

rail

of clothes.

while she was in Grafton Street,

made

a bit

of use of her

time in town.

The

sleeve

from

a

jumper

slid

from the shelf above the

and she pushed it back up. As she did so, her badminton racquet - which had been shoved on to the shelf and ignored for the past two years - was suddenly dislodged rail

and

fell

down,

hitting her

on the head.

She massaged her crown and picked up the racquet. She tested the strings. Still taut - she'd had it restrung the year of the holiday

in Jamaica.

that she'd missed a

She remembered, quite suddenly,

match while she was away, had

apol-

ogised repeatedly to the team for winning her holiday and

being unavailable to

play.

And

Eavan, who'd been the team

captain that year, had told her not to worry about

wasn't

it

it,

sure

only one match and wouldn't they manage

without her

just for once. Only,

just for once.

of course,

She hadn't played again.

169

it

hadn't been

O'Flanagan

Sheila

There were shuttles on top of the wardrobe too. She took one out of the tube. Then she bounced

forehand to bouncing it fall.

it

bounces before dropping of wine for her

She smiled

it

on her backhand but never

She'd once held the record

remember how many

on the

it

racquet over and over, switching from bouncing

but

it

letting

in the club for the

now

most

she couldn't even

had been. She'd won

that

on her

a bottle

efforts.

at the

memory. Then she stopped bouncing

it. What would happen if she went What team would they put her on? Would they put on a team at all? You had to be fit to play in the higher

the shuttle and caught

back?

her

sections.

She wasn't

fit.

She stood uncertainly

She'd never be properly

in the

and the feathered shutde a

room, the racquet

in the other. It's

bloody international, she muttered to

like it really matters.

of

it,

You could go back

just like Eavan's always asking

in

not

fit

again.

one hand

like

you're

herself. It's

not

for the social part

you

to.

She picked up the tube and stuffed the shuttle back into it.

The season

didn't start until September. There was

plenty of time to think about

it.

Heaven only knew what

other things might have cropped up by then. There was

no point

in getting into a state over possibly playing a

stupid game.

Even though her heart had suddenly begun

to beat faster at the thought of winning a

She put the racquet and the shuttles back

match

in the

again.

wardrobe.

In the meantime, she told herself, there were plenty of things she could be getting

about her get

life

someone

in a in to

on with

instead of thinking

melodramatic sort of way. She had to

do the garden, 170

didn't she? She'd told

How Con .

.

Will I

was going to do

that she

Know? and so she should. And

it

and she'd told Eileen that she was going to go

.

for a

drink with an old friend. Well that was something she could

And

organise too.

there was the wasps' nest. She had to

- or

deal with that

at least get

Plus there was the social

it.

an expert

in to deal

with

engagement of the week -

Saffy's third birthday party at

Glenn and Eavan's. She

now

wasn't busy. There were

couldn't say that her

life

plenty of things going on.

She went back into her

computer

office

and

sat

down

at

the

She didn't have any work to do but she

again.

up her e-mail programme.

dialled

There were more e-mails than she'd expected,

all

about

the same thing. Rosie had forwarded the e-mail about the

Dinner

in the

Dark event to everyone on the Locum

production team

couple of days

a

earlier.

So

far all

Libris

of them,

except her, had decided to go. Claire thought

it

sounded awful. She couldn't imagine

eating in the dark with a selection of complete strangers.

She certainly couldn't imagine enjoying have to enjoy

to researching

it.

But would she

she wondered. Couldn't she put

it,

men

for Georgia?

Maybe

events

it

down

like

this

were the future of dating and Georgia would go to them. If she like.

went to

Although

screen

.

.

.

as far as she

off

.

.

she'd

know what

they w ere

she looked gloomily at the computer

internet dating

the future too.

Much

this, at least .

And

was supposed to be the thing of

that had been singularly unsuccessful

was concerned.

to her disgust, the

(Danno -

two other messages she'd sent

energetic, fun-loving, interested in sports,

171

Sheila

O'Flanagan

books and music; Guru - thoughtful, happy, interested the everyday things in

life)

couldn't help feeling that

if

in

-remained unanswered. She she wasn't able to get a date

through the internet she was possibly the most hopeless person on the planet. She stared

whether Dinner scheme. At

in

least there'd

be

and wondered

at the diary

Dark was an

the

men

entirely crackpot

there and they'd have to

her whether they wanted to or not.

talk to

She'd bought heaps more magazines and

seemed

as

though even

supply, especially for

some of

women

of her age. In

fact,

their late thirties

and

in short

going by

for desperate

insisted that

early forties

their lives, sexually experienced

enough

men

available

younger women. Others, though,

were

(which

women

in the

men

to believe the fairy-tale stuff.

was pretty sure she was too old

in

prime of

loved) yet not

They gave

the

men

but

standard, non-technological, options for meeting Claire

certainly

the articles, she should simply forget about the

whole idea and leave the

stupid

it

men were

half-eligible

for nightclubs (she'd

never really been into that whole scene anyway, though she did

wonder whether she should check some out to

what Georgia might be getting into

see

in the future); she'd

mentally ruled out sports clubs because she wasn't yet ready to admit that she level

on the racquet

earlier

itive instincts for

possibility

were

would have to hack around

at a

lower

than she was used to although bouncing the shuttle

full

of the

had

definitely

the briefest of

gym -

of men and

tugged

at

her compet-

moments; there was the

she'd read somewhere that

women

gyms

checking each other out. But

would she want to be checked out by someone when she 172

How

Will I

Know?

was hot and sweaty and wearing gear that was guaranteed to highlight

all

the

most undesirable aspects of her body?

coming round mil

In which case, she thought,

wouldn't Dinner

Dark be quite

in the

a

good

circle,

thing, because

nobody would be looking at her body? And wouldn't it be a good way of doing some of her dating research, because she'd definitely get to talk to

men who were

women? Maybe

events like these

looking to go out with

would become more and more popular and Georgia might get invited to one. Better to check

whether claimed,

Woman

it

A

it

out and discover

HowWilllKnow homepage Novel and Enticing Way To Meet the Man or really was, as the

of Your Dreams. Claire couldn't help feeling that

eating your

way through

a three -course

meal beside perfect

strangers in total darkness was a recipe for ending up with

soup

stains

on your

dress

bore beside you. But sweating in the

gym

it

and no way of escaping from the was certainly

a

better bet than

or being ignored by

men

cyber-

in

space.

She typed

a reply to

HowWilllKnow and it

Rosie saying that she'd joined

that she'd

go to the dinner, and

sent

before she could change her mind. This whole dating

thing was a complete minefield, she decided.

wonder so many

women

single

It

was no

were neurotic about

rela-

tionships. She'd be neurotic too if she really cared. Yet

was

a minefield that

Lacey Dillon, hadn't

had been navigated

it?

She chuckled

was the person to give Georgia Lacey was the one with

Anyway, there was

all

a bit

tips

it

successfully by

ruefully.

Maybe Laccv

about men, not

her.

the experience.

of time before Dinner

173

in the

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Dark and there was always the remote

Danno

possibility that

Guru would contact her. In the meantime there was Paul. She frowned. Was there really any point in calling Paul when her motives weren't entirely honest? But they had been friends. It wasn't wrong to call a friend, was it? She picked up her mobile phone and checked its phone or

book.

When

to

him

call

they'd played in the club together she used

team

regularly about matches or

practices.

hadn't looked at the phone book in ages. But his

might It

still

She

number

be there.

was. She stared at

smiling to herself as she

it,

remem-

bered winning the mixed doubles tennis tournament with Paul and

him

lifting

her into the

air,

high above his head,

while yelling, 'We are the champions' at the top of his voice.

The memory was

happy one and,

a

for the

first

time,

how

she could recall the day without a tinge of regret for things were now. It had been fun. She could

the fun of

She

bit

still

remember

it all.

her

lip.

definitely later.

to have

made

liant blue as

a

it

now

She would ring him. Today. Not

because she needed a bit of time to work up to

it,

but

She stared out of the open window, happy a decision.

had been

The

few straggly clouds high up

where chattering loudly

sky was

for the last

still

in the atmosphere.

in the branches

the scent of honeysuckle lingered in the

'The garden,' she said out loud. the garden as well.'

window and zipped

Then

a

the

same

bril-

week, broken only by

'I'll

The

birds

of the trees and air.

ring

someone about

wasp flew through the open

past her ear.

herself as she flapped a newspaper

174

OK, and

she muttered to tried to usher

it

How

Will I

through the window again,

But

a

I

Know?

need to deal with

also

garden centre might have someone to get

this.

of a

rid

nest too.

She took out the Golden Pages and was about to look

up Garden Centres when she remembered the sign she'd seen in the

florist's

window. She'd

liked the look

of

it

and

she always believed in giving business to local firms whenever she could. So she decided to take a the shops and check

seemed up to

out

it

first.

scratch, then she'd

down

stroll

to

If she didn't think they

go through the telephone

directory.

Phydough looked stairs

her hopefully

at

but he knew that despite the

bag over her shoulder

it

as

she

came downput her

tact that she'd

wasn't time for his walk. She

rubbed him on the head and gave him

a

Bonio, which he

took out to the garden and the shade of the escallonia bush. *See

you

later,'

she told

him and closed

the

door behind

her.

Hot, hot, hot. She couldn't remember such

heat. Not summers of her childhood, which, up to now, had always seemed warmer and sunnier than those of her adult life. Her bright pink flip-flops thwacked softly on the cracked pavement and her flimsy cotton skirt swirled

even

in the

around her

legs.

strappy top.

A

Once

teenage

again she was wearing

girl,

white

a

with colt-like tanned legs and

wearing a vivid orange belly top and matching short strode past her. Claire looked at her enviously.

It

skirt,

would

be nice, she thought, to be able to walk around the place in

skimpy clothes and

feel

good about 175

yourself.

And

then

Sheila

O'Flanagan

she laughed, because skimpy clothes were

when you were

nineteen, but pushing

the

mother of

and

silver- scarred legs

were good

very well

and had dodgy knees

a fourteen -year- old

- even

all

when you were

it

your mother insisted they

if

legs!

The door

to the florist's was open. Claire hurried across

the main road, following behind the teenage

watching her,

she

made her way towards

still

girl.

She was

envying her youth and beauty,

still

she collided heavily with the

the

as

Which was why

florist's.

man who was

leaving, carrying

a bay tree in a large terracotta pot.

'Oh,

He

shit!'

staggered backwards, then forwards, and

then dropped the pot containing the tree on the pavement just outside the shop,

where

it

cracked and came apart in

five large pieces.

'Oops!' Claire looked at the broken pot and upended tree in horror.

widened

as she

'It's

my

looked

fault.

I'm so

at the

man

sorry.'

Her

whom

with

eyes

she'd

collided. 'Oh,' she said again. 'It's you.'

'What

is it

with you?' demanded Nate. 'Are you a kind

of one-woman knocking-men-over campaign?

And where's

the mutt this time?'

Honestly, thought Claire,

why

is it

that

I

keep meeting

such a disagreeable bloke? If he was nice maybe bat

my eyelids

but

as

'I

And still

So

it is

said I

at

him and turn him

I

could

into a research project,

he's just annoying!

I

was

on your

then and for now.

sorry,' she said. 'For

didn't knock

you over

before,

it

was

feet this time, it's only the

chill out.'

176

my dog.

You're

pot that's broken.

How

The

Will I

Know?

go into shock,' he

tree could

said.

Tell

to chill

it

out.' 'If

dies

it

pay for

I'll

said Claire.

it,'

'Does that make

you happy?'

He

contemplated the smashed pot, the

the fallen tree, then looked grimly at her.

not a fact

disaster,'

said,

although

lots

Now were you

of pots.

'I

soil

and

suppose

it's

tone implied that

his

was. 'I'm sure the tree will be fine

it

have

he

of

pile

really,

actually thinking

in

and we of going

into the shop or was your plan just to stand outside and attack the customers?'

She frowned. 'Don't you want to get them to re-pot for

do

'I'll

it

but

'Yes,

myself,' he said.

how

Realisation 'I

it

you now?' she asked.

was bringing 'Oh.' Claire

He

you get

will

dawned on it

it

home?'

his face.

'I

work

here,' he said.

outside for display purposes.'

felt foolish.

continued to look

at her, his

gaze disconcerting.

'Were you looking for something?' he asked. 'I

.

.

.

urn

.

.

I

.

.' .

.

His look became impatient. 'Gardening,' she said

about gardening. You had

you did

it

and

I

finally.

'I

a notice in

wanted to enquire your window saying

need someone to do some work

in

my

house.' 'In

your garden,

I

presume you mean,' he

said.

'Not

your house. We're not talking about some kind of indoor gardening, are we?'

'No. No.

Of course

not.'

She stared

177

at

him

tetchily.

He

Sheila O'Flanajjan

was an extremely annoying man, and those odd-coloured eyes looking steadily at her were quite unsettling.

'So what

do you want?' he

'Someone to look 'Not design

asked.

Tidy

it.

it.'

His tone was disappointed.

it?'

'No,' she said.

at

'It's

fine the

way

it

is.

It's just

over-

grown.' 'I see.'

'Is it 'It

says

something you do or not?' she asked impatiendy. gardening on the notice. Look!' She pointed

'So that presumably

means you prune

and weed flowerbeds and

mow

lawns. If

it

at

it.

and bushes

trees

doesn't, fine,

just say so.' 'I

can do those things,' he

said.

Suddenly her heart sank. If she employed him to do

work for her then around

Bill's

Bill's trees

a

man she didn't like would

garden, messing with

be wandering

Bill's stuff,

cutting back

and shrubs. Suddenly she didn't think

this

was

such a good idea.

'Come

inside,'

he told

her. 'Let

me

look

at

our book.'

She had no option but to follow him into the colourful interior

of the shop. Flowers crammed every available space

- the shaded

store

was brightened by enormous yellow

and orange sunflowers, wonderful red-tipped white Habanera Blush

daisies,

amazing black and red annual

poppies and a vast selection of budding roses.

Behind the counter

sat his extraordinarily beautiful wife.

Her glorious red curls were on top of her head and secured by multicoloured decorated with flowers and ladybirds. The low shaft

Sarah, Claire remembered. piled clips

178

How

Will I

Know?

of sunlight glittered off the diamonds of her engagement ring

an

created

she

as

eye-catching

using

display,

gypsophilia as a backdrop to the other blooms she was

inserting carefully into a green sponge oasis.

wondered why she hadn't come to

Claire

investigate the noise

of the crashing pot, but then realised she had earphones in her ears

MP3

and an

She looked up narrowed

player

on the counter.

they walked inside and her eyes

as

in partial recognition

when

she saw Claire. As

she removed the earphones, Claire recognised the tune-

was playing

that

as

one that Georgia

liked.

'Gardening book please, Sarah,' said the

man

briskly.

She reached underneath the counter and handed him an

A4

diary in a Perspex binding covered with floral cartoons.

'Hi,' she said to Claire.

'Have we met?'

'Her dog attacked us when we were jogging.' The man

opened the

'Oh

diary.

yes.'

She grinned

at Claire.

though, Nate,' she added. 'More

saw

a

'Hardly attacked us

like

he looked

at

you,

soulmate and decided to make your acquaintance/

'Not

Nate squinted

likely.'

at the diary.

'Though he

obviously gets his greeting techniques from his owner. She

crashed into

We

me when

need another

I

was bringing the bay

Sarah laughed. 'Sweetheart,

T have

didn't drop if I

'Look,

it,'

I

told

you you'd drop

retorted Nate. 'At least

I

it.'

wouldn't

hadn't been banged into.' I

came here

'Not to be got

and

tree outside.

pot.'

I will.

So

at. I

to ask about gardening,' said Claire. told

just forget

you it,

I'd

OK.'

179

pay for your

damn pot

Sheila

A

O'Flunagan

stricken look crossed Sarah's face

and she glared

at

Nate. 'I

told

you

you have the customer

that

a particularly dense rhino,

you

not supposed to accuse the customers of

about

'Please,' said Claire. 'Forget I

wasn't looking where

said

I'm sorry about

to keep

I

was going.

a million times

him happy. Given

I

of

I

it.

assault!' It

was

was

my

fault.

distracted. I've

but that doesn't seem

that he appears to be in charge

of the whole gardening thing to hire you. Like

services skills

she snapped. 'You're

arse,'

it

said, forget

wouldn't be a good idea

it.'

She walked out of the shop and back into the blazing sunshine, quivering with rage.

It

was

to support local businesses but not

by complete tossers

and

at the

Then her

like

they were

him! She glanced back

mess of earth outside and

attention was caught once

icent display in the

very well to want

all

when

felt a

owned

at the

shop

pang of

guilt.

more by

the magnif-

window. There was no doubt that Sarah

was an accomplished

florist.

Maybe Nate was

gardener. But Claire wasn't prepared to give

a great

him the

opportunity. She looked at the colourful carnation and freesia

bouquets in metal containers outside the shop. Some

fresh flowers

would be

lovely at

home, she thought. But

not from here. She paused. There was a Spar shop a few doors down. Normally she never bought flowers from convenience stores or garages. But today that was exactly

what she planned to do. She almost changed her mind

as she

looked

at the pre-

packed flowers in the containers outside the shop. They weren't half as dramatic as the ones in Taylor's

180

Florist.

But

'

How

Know?

Will I

she didn't care. Sometimes you didn't need drama, you

needed comfort. And the warm red and yellow sprays w ere both comforting and pretty which was

Sarah Taylor looked

just

what she w anted.

Nate, her eyes flashing rury.

at

'You complete and utter tosspot!' she snapped

do you want to put us out of we even start? You were impossibly rude 'Honestly,

wanted to be

him.

at

business before to her and she

paying customer. You plonker/

a

'She wasn't looking where she w as going/ retorted Nate. 'She walked straight into me. front of

my

face!

How

had

I

a

the hell could

Tt might have been her

fucking bay tree I

but haven't you ever heard

fault,

that thing about the customer always being it

in

see herr'

right.-

What

if

about your'

He

'Excuse mer'

me

looked

that I'm here in this

is

at

her angrily. 'What

shop

because, despite everything,

I

in the arsehole

care about

it is

about

of Europe

you and

that's

what you wanted.' Sarah looked

at

him without saving anything.

'Oh God, Sarah am.

really

It's just

know what

'I

.

—

.

it's

.

I'm sorry/

just,'

blame everyone

can't

blame me/

'I

it

all

sounded

'Jeez, Sarah, you're the right.

I

am

an

arse.'

181

I

I

And you

do,

really

You

certainly

his voice softening

like a different

one person

k

into perspective.

else for things.

don't blame you/ he told her,

that he suddenly

sighed deeply, i

she said quickly.

Nate. But you've got to get can't

He

person altogether.

can depend on. You're

Sheila

O'Vlanagan

She laughed and put her arms around him. she whispered. 'But

He

'Sarah!'

They were

it's

quite

a.

neat, firm

one

'I

know,'

the same.'

all

laughed too. laughing

still

She'd bought quite a

lot

when

more

Claire walked by again.

flowers than she'd intended

and she could barely see over the top of them. But she could see enough to make out the shape of Nate and Sarah Taylor hugging each other in the darkened shop.

God knows what she thought tardy;

hug each other about,

they've got to

if

he continues to treat customers

month. She

that they'll be out of business within a self-righteously

like

sniffed

and continued down the road, holding the

flowers in front of her, their coloured heads dancing in

the breeze.

Eavan couldn't find the keys to the garden shed. They were

usually, kept

along with

the other keys in the

all

bottom drawer of the kitchen

unit,

but despite having

tipped the entire contents of the drawer on to the breakfast

counter, she hadn't been able to locate them. She

remembered Glenn had had them

at the

weekend when

he'd taken the lawnmower out. There was a small puncture in the inflatable paddling pool

was

a repair kit in the shed.

Not

and she knew that there

that

it

was a major

she conceded, as she looked out of the kitchen Saffy happily sitting in the sagging pool

disaster,

window

bright yellow plastic duck over the inch of water, but

would be

nice to

fix it

he said

as

it

before things got worse.

She picked up the phone and 'Yes?'

at

and skimming her

dialled his

he answered

182

it.

mobile number.

How 'Am

I

'No.

Not

Will I

Know?

interrupting you?' really.'

She frowned. 'Where

are you?

Sounds

you're in the

like

middle of a road somewhere.'

'On my way to She grunted

in

a meeting,' said Glenn.

acknowledgement and asked him about

the shed keys. 'I

don't believe you're ringing

Glenn 'I

tightly.

to ask

me

this," said

be.'

can't find them.'

'Look,

woman,

talking to

I've better things to

you about

God, you'd think

on

me

'The keys are where they should

keys,'

do than spend hours

snapped Glenn. 'Honest to

that the only things that mattered

went

in the house.'

Eavan's grip tightened around the phone. Glenn never raised his voice to her. Usually if they argued he

excessively polite, keeping his

was almost

temper when she was begin-

ning to lose hers. She wasn't used to him being shirty with her. 'I

only asked,' she protested.

'Why don't you look 'I

did look properly.

properly I

first?'

emptied everything out.'

'Then you must have taken them yourself

earlier.

It's

nothing to do with me. I'm busy.'

Eavan stared

at the receiver in

off, just like that!

give

him

a piece

her hand. He'd cut her

She was tempted to ring him back and

of hei mind but she stopped

been under pressure

lately,

she

marketing drive was taking up so he didn't have to take

it

knew

his

herself.

He'd

This whole

time and energy.

out on

183

that.

her.

But mavbe

OK, this

O'Flanagan

Sheila

time she'd cut him a

little slack.

She replaced the receiver

and walked back into the kitchen.

If she

thought about

long enough she'd surely remember where the

were

it

keys

herself.

Glenn stood Street

on

damn

at the junction

of Trinity Street and

Dame

and wiped away the beads of sweat that had appeared

his forehead.

He

didn't

want Eavan ringing him during

the day like this. Asking stupid questions. Thinking any of it

mattered.

she'd be

He

bound

couldn't cope with to guess.

guessing just yet. able to face

up to

to deal with

it

He it

He

it

and sooner or

wasn't sure exactly

himself.

when he

later

wasn't able to face up to her

And how

did.

184

when he'd be

she'd expect him

Chapter 12

Tithonia (Mexican Sunflower) - Orange, red or yellow

soms and can grow up

When

Claire got

to

1.5m

home

tall.

blos-

Thrives hi full sun.

she arranged her flowers in

a

couple of glass vases. Then she took a banana and

mango smoothie out of the a

fridge

complete asswipe, she thought

Nate Taylor re-ran

in her

and drank as her

it

like

What

mind. There's the thing. You

could go through the whole dating scene and with someone

back.

encounter with

still

end up

also

bought

him!

She opened the glossy magazine that she'd in the Spar.

Meet Extraordinary Men in Ordinary Places' The article suggested that you could pick up suitable men in garages (ask him to open the bonnet of your car); at bus stops (ask him what the number of the approaching bus is); in the supermarket (ask him if he knows where the dog food is). Claire snorted. What kind of woman

'How

to

said the tag-line.

were you supposed to be, she wondered,

open the bonnet of your own

185

if

car or find the

you couldn't

dog food

in

Sheila O'Flanajjan

the supermarket yourself? to the magazine)

The dog-food thing (according

would make him

realise that

you were

a

loving and caring kind of woman but not the obsessive kind

who owned was that

if

a cat.

you had

food was and

about

it

if

The flaw in the article, Claire thought, a dog you should know where the dog

you didn't then he was going to

find out

soon enough! She rather liked the suggestion about

the bus number, though. It was reasonably sensible.

Although she was uncertain how on earth you were supposed to

strike

up

a relationship with a bloke in the ten

44A arrived at the stop. There was always experience of bumping into men at florists'

seconds before the her

own

recent

shops. If Nate had been a nicer bloke then

maybe smashing would have

the terracotta pot and upending the bay tree

been

a great

way

to

meet him. But he was appalling

(although not entirely unattractive once you got used to the odd-coloured eyes) and, of course, he was married to the very beautiful Sarah. Claire

of meeting Extraordinary

Men

felt

in

that the unwritten rule

Ordinary Places was that

they should actually be available.

Anyway, before she did any meeting of men was going to it

call Paul.

off, afraid to ring

She

him

realised that she

in case

If I

is

a kind

was

a

all,

she

he said no. She wasn't

sure whether she could take a fourth rejection. this

at

was putting

I

suppose

of nervous dating thing, she thought suddenly.

woman

looking for a date and

met someone and I wanted to call them, I'd feel? Nervous and apprehensive.

I

thought I'd

isn't this

how

She didn't know why she was nervous or apprehensive this time.

Paul was her friend. He'd been in her house.

186

How He'd known and simply

Bill

Know?

Will I

and he knew Georgia. And

this

was purely

thought suddenly,

a drink. Besides, she

be nice to see Paul again and to find out

how

would

it

his year's

break in Australia had gone.

She pressed the speed-dial button on her phone and listened to

it

ring.

suddenly that

She was

just

about to hang up, thinking

number could

his

easily

have changed,

when

he answered. 'Paul here.'

'Oh. Hi. Paul.' She was nervous again. that really you, Claire

'Is

'I

Hudson?'

she said.

'Yes,'

couldn't believe

tone was pleased.

when your name

it

'How

flashed up!' His

the devil are you?'

How

She smiled. 'I'm

fine.

'Good,' he

'Enjoying the summer.'

said.

are you?'

'An especially long one for you, 'given that you're just back

he told

'It's great,'

Not

that

I

want

I

guess,' said Claire,

from Oz.'

her. 'It's

weeks since

[*vc seen rain.

that to change in a hurry.'

'Did you have a good time?' she asked. 'Wonderful.' 'Is it

He

good

to be back?'

laughed. 'Kind

of. It's

good

to hear from

you again,

Claire.'

'Thanks,' she said. like to

meet

He was

'I

was wondering, you know,

silent for a

moment and

Claire suddenly

stab of rejection shoot through her again.

she thought.

if

you'd

up.'

I

was depending on you!

187

felt

Not you

the

too,

Sheila

'I'd love to meet,'

he

O'Flanagan

missed you

said. 'I

at

the drinks

do.'

know.

'I

was going to go and

I

I

Eavan was

didn't.

pissed at me,' said Claire.

'Not

really,'

Paul told her.

bet she was,' said Claire.

'I

So you'd

like to

'I'd love to,'

This time

it

'It

doesn't matter though.

meet?'

he repeated. 'Where?'

was Claire

who was

silent.

'Claire?' 'I've

no

while and

idea where,' she said.

haven't been out in a

.

'I'm living said. 'So

'I

.' .

on the other

of town right now,' Paul

side

how about we meet in the city centre?

Thomas

Say

Read's, opposite Dublin Casde.' 'I've

never been there before,' said Claire.

'It's nice,'

said Paul.

'And

if

t

we go

early

it

won't be too

crowded.'

'Tomorrow?' suggested

Claire.

'Or

week.

later in the

Whatever.' 'I

can't tomorrow,' replied Paul regretfully. 'I'm out to

dinner with a few friends.

How

about Thursday?'

'OK.' 'Great,' said Paul. 'See

you

there.

About seven

thirty?'

'OK,' said Claire again.

When

down

she'd said goodbye to Paul she flipped

top of her mobile phone triumphantiy. She'd done

made

a date with a bloke.

OK,

it

was Paul. OK,

going to lead anywhere and she didn't want anywhere. But she'd done

it.

So

188

basically

it.

it

it

the

She'd

wasn't

to lead

what she could

How tell

Georgia was that you

your hands and phone.

'Come on,

Know?

Will I

just

No

had to take your courage

in

big deal really!

dog looked up

Phy!' she called, and the

at

her. 'I feel like walking.'

He

barked in approval and went to get

looked

at the pile

dog food

is,

she thought.

for internet dating

-

Georgia was

on the

ball

his leash. Claire

of magazines again. Ask him where the

sitting

a

What

a load

And

of rubbish.

as

complete waste of time!

grass beside the

outdoor basket

court watching the game. She'd lathered herself with

heavy-duty sunblock because the sun was beating relent lessly

from the azure

sky.

She tugged

navy blue baseball cap so that

it

brim of her

at the

shaded her

face.

Robyn and Sive - another of the girls from her school - were both playing in the match and every so often she roared a few words of encouragement at them. Her match

had finished

earlier

and her team was through to the

final

of the competition. Georgia liked basketball. Her height gave her an advantage over some of the other age and she

frame

as

knew

that, despite

girls

of her

having the same lanky

her mother, she was strong. And, of course,

wasn't badminton. She was good

at

it

that too (Miss

Grainger had told her that she was naturally athletic) but she wasn't sure that Claire

would be keen on her playing

badminton competitively now Although what

if

term? She couldn't a blade

that she didn't play herself

she got picked for the higher team next let

them down, could

of grass and wondered

complicated.

189

why

her

she? She life

chewed

had to be so

O'Flanagan

Sheila

The team were huddled

time-out

in a

at the side

of

the asphalt court. Georgia idly picked a few daisies from

the grass where she was sitting and fashioned a chain.

She smiled

long time since she'd made

age.

of

her. Herself, at

A glorious day like

it.

It

a daisy chain.

someone

flashed into her head like in front

doing

at herself for

sliding a

around four or

this one.

them

was

into

a long,

A memory photograph five years

She was wearing

a

of

white

organza dress, white socks and white shoes. She couldn't

remember the occasion but obviously it was some kind of family do where Claire had dressed her up. And then her father had walked over to her and plopped a small daisy chain

on her red-gold

curls.

'My

little

princess,'

he'd said, and picked her up and kissed her. She remem-

bered putting her arms around him and hugging him close,

and the smell of him -

different to Jier mother.

And

musky, male smell so

a

her heart had almost burst

with love for him.

She missed him, of course. But not with the same intensity as Claire,

she knew. Even

fading and the pain at losing

sometimes she

felt

about the months

guilty

now the memory of him was him was fading too - though

about

that.

after the accident

and where Claire had

tried

not to

And

she

still felt

bad

where she hadn't talked

let

her

know how worried

she was.

'Can

I sit

down?'

She looked up. Before she could answer Jamesie

O 'Sullivan 'How 'Mr

6

plopped down beside

her.

are you?' he asked.

Dalaigh

is

about

five

190

yards away,' she told him.

How

Will I

Know?

'Whatever you want you'd better say

both be 'I

as Gaelige or we'll

it

in trouble.'

wanted to say

'For what?' She

I

was

sorry,' said Jamesie.

made

a

slit

in the last daisy

with the

edge of her fingernail and joined the chain together. 'I I

dance with you

said I'd

at the ceili.

know Nicky Carr made some

which wasn't very kind

sort

But

me

dance with 'But

I

And

.'

Georgia told him. 'The

all,'

didn't.

.

.

'You'd said something about meeting that's

I

of comment to you

me

at the ceili,

fact that

you didn't

neither here nor there.'

is

wanted

to,' said

Georgia got to her

feet

Jamesie. 'Only

Zoe

and brushed cut grass from the

T

grey shorts she was wearing.

don't care about you and

Zoe,' she told him. 'Look, I've got to go.

I

need to change.

There's a group of us going to Spiddal tonight.'

'Georgia

.' .

.

She looked 'I

at

wondered

me

college with

him

if

'I

but

like

to

like

come

to the movie at the

tonight.'

'Didn't you hear 'Yes,

enquiringly.

you'd

me

say

I

was going to Spiddal

'

;

.' .

.

you, Jamesie,' she told him evenly, 'but you're*

not mature enough for me.' She brushed non-existent grass

from her shorts

again. 'Thanks for the invite

all

the same.'

She walked away from the basketball courts and back towards the college building. Her heart was pounding her chest and she was finding

OK, she door and

told herself as she

let

it

difficult

in

not to turn around.

pushed open the blue -painted

herself into the college building, so

191

I

think

O'Flanagan

Sheila

I

dealt with that

guy

really;

all

right.

too 'cos he didn't have

about the

ises

is

probably a nice enough

ceili

he didn't make any

to,

and

not

it's

his fault that

on

line

So that

things.

if

I'm good enough then

.

.

she thought about

easily the

prom-

who

follows the gang

gang don't think

he'll just

he

actually. Better off that

real

Nicky Carr

the blokes in the

a shit, but he's the type, isn't he,

is

.

Jamesie

and coming over to apologise was kinda nice

it

most gorgeous

sticks

drop me. Like he did, really. Though moment Zoe is Maybe she's dumped

with Zoe

again for a girl here.

.

.

.

him. So he came running back after me. She tossed her

head so that her hair danced around her

comes

to

me

face. Well,

rubbed the back of her neck and exhaled really

nobody

because I'm second choice. Nobody! She slowly.

She didn't

want to be anyone's second choice. But would there

ever be a time

when

she was someone's

first?

'Hey, Georgia!'

She turned around

in the corridor

and saw Steve

6

Se

standing there. 'Steve,' she said. 'I

was wondering

if

you're doing the kayaking today,'

name on the list.' good looking as Jamesie but according to Robyn he fancied her. Why? Georgia wondered. Why would anyone fancy her really? It was all very well for Robyn to say that it was because she had big tits, but she he asked.

'I

didn't see your

Steve wasn't as

didn't

want blokes to fancy her

'Sure

I

am,' she said.

'Great,' said Steve.

'I

'I

put

for her big

heard your team

basketball final. Well done.'

192

tits.

my name down is

late.'

through to the

How

Willi Know?

'Thanks.' She smiled at him. 'Plus

I

heard you got

marks for that stupid grammar thing they

us

set

full last

Friday.'

Tt'd be difficult for speaks Irish at

me

not

home most of

to,' said Steve.

the time. This

'My

is

family

a bit

of a

busman's holiday for me.' 'Oh.'

'My

parents have gone to the States for three weeks,'

he told

her. 'Visiting

of getting 'I

see,'

my

sister.

This was a convenient

\\

ay

of me.'

she said.

not that bad.' He'd noticed the sympathetic expres-

'It's

sion

rid

flit

across her face.

'Three weeks with

would've been excruciating, and

my

didn't want to

I

hiking holiday through Scotland with

my

folks

go on

i

aunt and uncle

and nerdy cousin, which was the equally excruciating

alter-

native.'

'Wouldn't be

my

thing either.' She stopped outside the

door marked Mnd. 'Well look,

see

you/

He stood there and watched her. T really don't think you can follow me loo,' she

added, nodding

'No. No.

Of course

at the

into the ladies'

plaque on the door. 1

not. Sorry.

She grinned. 'See you on the bus to Spiddal?'

He

nodded. 'Great.'

'Great,' she repeated

and pushed the door open.

193

Chapter 13

Antirrhinum (Snapdragon) - Tubular flowers of colours. Dead-head faded spikes.

Wednesday afternoon

Byweather might in over the

making

it

looked

it

like

in a variety

the spell of fine

break. Dark, heavy clouds

had rolled

country although the temperature stayed warm,

muggy and

Claire took

airless.

the headache that was pressing

down on

two Anadin

for

her before getting

the bus out to Eavan's house for Saffy's birthday tea. Claire

had agreed to be

godmother when Eavan was preg-

Saffy's

nant and had asked her

if

on the honorary role no one she'd rather have. She

she'd take

because, she said, there was

who might

didn't have any sisters

be offended

if

they

weren't asked, and besides, Claire was one of the most

people she knew.

spiritual

'Me,

Eavan

spiritual?' Claire

in

amused

had

rolled her eyes

and looked

at

disbelief.

'Not

religious,' said

Eavan. 'Just - well, content.'

Saffy

had been born

a couple

of months before the

acci-

dent, and afterwards Eavan had asked Claire whether she

194

How still

Will I

wanted to be the baby's godmother. The christening

had been arranged, she'd that

Know?

it

might be

then about Claire's

own lost baby.

Eavan hadn't known

Claire hadn't told

before leaving on holiday and she hadn't

point in talking about

when

it

knew

said uncomfortably, but she

difficult for Claire.

anyone

there was any

felt

she got back. So she didn't

Eavan but did agree that she was happy

say anything to

and honoured to be

Saffy's

godmother. Only

it

had been

very difficult to hold the baby in her arms and not think

of what might have been. What should have been.

And

every time she saw Saffy she couldn't help thinking of the

baby she'd She

let

lost

and

how

they would have been friends.

wash over her once again

the memories

as the

bus trundled along the coast road. But she put them firmly

out of her mind

as she

walked up the driveway to Glenn

and Eavan's home. She was always awed by the sheer big,

size

of the house -

modern and double-fronted, with huge rooms and

every possible convenience. She preferred her

narrow house nearer the

city

own

tall,

but she had to admit that

there was a spaciousness and light about Glenn and Eavan's place that was wonderful. She rang the doorbell and her friend answered.

'We're in the garden,' said Eavan as she kissed Claire

on the cheek. T know

it's

probably going to

crash thunder at any second but

it's

so

piss rain

warm

and

that

we

kissed her

on

couldn't stay indoors.' 'Hi, Claire.'

Glenn Keating got up and

the cheek. 'Lovely to see you. This babysitter.'

195

is

Candida, Saffy's

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Claire smiled in

acknowledgement

'Claire! Claire!' Saffy

table

at the

younger

down from

clambered

and flung her arms around her

legs.

'I

girl.

the bench love you,

Claire.'

Eavan laughed. 'She's loving everyone today because of the gift-giving,' she told Claire. 'Just as well I

a

brought one then.' Claire handed Saffy

brighdy wrapped parcel and the

paper excitedly to reveal a

little

girl

tore at the

scarily realistic doll.

'She loves dolls,' said Eavan. 'Part of

me

worries that

I

should be making her play with Meccano or something to stimulate a different area of her brain.' 'Plenty of time for that,' said Claire. 'Georgia

through all

a doll

went

phase too and subsequendy dismembered

of them.'

'Good old Georgey,'

said Eavan.

'How's she getting

on?' 'Pretty well.' Claire sat

her ups and downs, but as

which

is

a

good

down

at the table. 'She's

far as I

thing.'

'And you?' asked Glenn. 'How 'I'm

when

fine.'

having

can make out more ups,

are

you getting on?'

Suddenly Claire recalled seeing Glenn

in

town

met her dad and Lacey Dillon. It had gone completely out of her head. 'Did you get to your meeting on time?' Eavan's glance flickered between her husband and she'd

Claire.

'Oh to

tell

was

yes, absolutely.'

you

in a

that

mad

I

Glenn turned to Eavan.

bumped

'I

forgot

into Claire one day,' he said.

rush though.'

196

'I

How

Willi Know?

'Oh.' Eavan looked surprised and Claire frowned.

Glenn's description of their meeting was accurate in

but not in nuance. They hadn't other.

He'd been

sitting in a bar.

realised that he didn't

a bar.

really

She nibbled

And

bumped

tact

into each

then suddenly she

want Eavan to know he'd been

at the inside

of her

lip.

Was

in

there a

reason? Surely not. Surely he couldn't be drinking again.

She wondered whether she should say something to Eavan

and almost immediately dismissed the thought.

It

was none

of her business and there were other things she wanted to talk to

Eavan about. She hadn't spoken to her friend

yet

about the break-up of her parents' marriage. Part of the reason she'd agreed to

come

to Saffy's birthday tea was

so that she could confide in her.

It

was absolutely

ages,

she thought, since they'd talked about something which

had nothing

at all to

do with

Bill

or the accident or how

everyone was coping. 'Will

I

get the cake, Eavan?' Candida asked.

'Cake!' cried Saffy.

Candida's intervention effectively stopped Eavan from asking Claire about meeting Glenn, although Claire knew

her friend was curious about

But she decided that

it.

and when the topic arose she'd

leave

all

if

the talking to

Glenn. Meanwhile she oohed and aahed with Saffy over her chocolate cake shaped Smarties as

its feet.

Once

like a caterpillar

Saffy

with coloured

had blown out her three

candles twice (the second so that Glenn could take a photo

of the event because she'd done time) they

all

had

a slice.

it

too quickly the

Eavan brought out

champagne.

197

first

a bottle

of

O^Flanagan

Sheila

'I

know

this

a bit

is

given that

silly

and we're eating chocolate Candida. 'But

I

thought

Glenn opened the

it'd

be

and

bottle

it's

Saffy's birthday

cake,' she told Claire

and

nice.'

filled their glasses.

He

was

drinking Ballygowan, Claire noticed. Saffy ran

around the garden

in

That was why they hadn't had explained. Far too

much

hysteria,

an overexcited fervour.

proper party, Eavan

a

and there 'd be plenty of

time for that in the years ahead. Besides, she told Claire

you couldn't

despairingly,

just

have a party with cake and

lemonade any more, you had to provide entertainment.

bouncy casde

at the very least, preferably

a conjuror or

puppet show.

Candida agreed. She did

and went to a

bag

at

lot

of babysitting

a lot

A

accompanied by

in the area

of the children's parties too. The goody-

going-home time was equally important, she last party she'd gone to, each child

reminded Eavan. At the

had received

a stylish wristwatch.

Glenn snorted

and muttered under

in disgust

agreed that

was

it

silly

but you had to do

it,

again and then got up from the table, telling

he had a

filthy

'I've a bit

headache and needed to

Eavan

he snorted

them

that

down.

of a headache too,' said Candida. Tt's the

weather, I'm sure. In

OK,

lie

his breath

When

about people with more money than sense.

fact, I

think

head off now

I'll

if that's

Eavan.'

'Sure.'

Eavan smiled

'See you. Bye, Saffy.'

at her. 'See

kissed her. 'Bye, Claire, nice to

'Do you need me

you on

Candida hugged the

to run

Friday.' little girl

meet you.'

you home?' asked Glenn.

198

and

How 'No and

thanks,' said Candida.

might help

it

Will I

my

clear

Know?

'It's

only a ten-minute walk

head.'

She waved goodbye to everyone and walked into the house. Glenn followed.

Eavan turned to to

go

Claire

Do

'What about you?

shook her head.

out here but 'I

Claire.

you want

inside too?'

don't

I

still

know

it's

dark and gloomy

what's got into Glenn.' Eavan

their glasses with the last

back into their

know

'I

prefer to be outdoors.'

of the champagne

refilled

as they settled

seats.

'Busy at work?' suggested Claire. 'There's something going

out and about thing.

all

So maybe

there,' agreed Eavan.

now and

the time that's

on

don't

know

Hc\

not his

that's

it.'

'Have you talked to him?' asked 'I

I

k

know what

to

that sounds ridiculous, but

I

Claire.

Eavan

say.'

bit

her

lip.

'I

know

can't quite bring myself to

ask him.'

'Maybe you should.' 'Probably.'

They sipped she should

the champagne. Claire

wondered whether

Eavan about seeing Glenn outside

tell

But that wasn't

a crime.

And

she didn't

a bar.

know whether

he'd been drinking anything stronger than 7Up. She didn't

want to worry Eavan Glenn

The Glenn

start

unnecessarily. Besides,

why would

drinking again?

silence

inside

between them grew. Saffy had followed

and was

now watching

video.

199

her Finding

Nemo

Sheila

'My mother and intended to blurt

O'Flanagan

father are splitting up.' Claire hadn't

it

out

just like that,

but she couldn't

help herself. Eavan looked at her in stunned amazement.

'What!'

and her

Claire told her about calling out to Eileen,

tion that they'd never really loved each other.

asser-

And

then

she told Eavan about lunch with her father and Lacey Dillon.

'Lacey Dillon?' Eavan's eyes opened wide. 'Isn't that the recruitment crowd?' Claire

'How

nodded.

did you know?'

do

'They're quite well known,' Eavan told her. 'They

work

But

for Trontec.

I

always thought

it

was two people's

surnames.' 'Yeah, well,

not.

it's

And

think she sounds like a porn

I

star!'

Eavan. giggled. 'She does rather. But doesn't look

from your

it

description.'

'No, she was the coolest, most businesslike person I'd ever met.

my

Still,

two

'I

can see

how

it

two

kids by

dad wants to marry

different fathers

.

.

.

and

her.'

might freak you out.

can't believe

I

it

either.' 'It's

more than

of the champagne 'I

guess

if

freaking glass

me

out.' Claire twirled the

between her

stem

fingers.

your parents were unhappy

.' .

.

'They never seemed to be. That's the whole point.' Claire looked at her friend.

makes

me

'I

never bloody guessed. So

it

feel particularly stupid.'

'Sometimes we don't know what's going on

200

at all in

How

Will I

Know?

other people's lives/ said Eavan. 'We think

we do, but we

don't.' 'I've

decided that

I

haven't got a clue,' said Claire.

'About relationships. Georgey rang

had that

a bit

me

of an upset over some guy

at

to

tell

me

camp and

that she'd I

realised

hadn't the faintest notion what to say to her.'

I

'Georgey and

a boy!'

Eavan laughed. 'Good

'Not good that she was upset,' said

for her.'

good

Claire. 'But

that she rang

me. Anyway, she wanted to know how

knew

and

that Bill

I

made

'Yeuch.' Eavan

I

loved each other.' a face.

'How do you

answer that

one?' couldn't,' replied Claire. 'But I've

'I

I've

even started

it

in a

had an idea

since.

kind of way.'

'What are you talking about?'

As

go out with men to get know what Georgia was

Claire explained her plan to

some experience so

that she'd

going through, Eavan

much

'Claire,

as

I

sat in

know

amazed

I've

silence.

been on

at

you to get out,

and even though I'm madly supportive about you doing

new

things, I'm really not sure that trying to

production friend

line

of

men

is

a

had finished speaking.

good

idea,' she said

'It's a bit

meet

when

a

her

uncaring, don't you

think?'

'Uncaring?' 'Well, you're talking

for the hell 'I

of

about going out with blokes

know.' Claire smiled. 'But

'Well

thing

.

.

.

just

it.'

why

not?'

what about someone who's looking

more than whatever

it is

201

for

some-

you're giving them?'

Sheila

O'Flanagan

you read your magazines

'If

out they're

you'll find

all

looking for more than you -want to give them.' Claire laughed. 'I'm not going to meet anyone and pretend that I

love them.

that

just

I

when Georgey

the other to her

want to

suss the

whole thing out, so

says that a bloke has said this, that or

I'll

know what

he

really

means.'

'What on earth makes you think that boys of Georgia's age will act in the same way as grown men?' asked Eavan.

'Oh, come on,' said Claire. 'Don't boys never

'Even

really

grow

Eavan sighed.

so.'

think going out with to

do

it

we

always say that

up!'

men

'Claire,

it's

isn't great for

not that

I

don't

you. But you have

because you want to, not as part of a

mad

plan.'

'Why?' asked Claire. 'Because 'I

.

.

oh, Claire.'

.

thought you'd approve,'

said Claire.

supposed to be impossible to get a date

why

anyway. That's

complete wash-out!

I

tried the internet

Nobody wants

to

'Though in this

it's

town

- which

is

a

go out with me.

is my last resort! What's the point in men if you can't find them? All the same, up my first.'

The damn dinner deciding to date I've finally set 'Claire!

Who?'

'Paul Hanratty,' said Claire. 'Paul?' Eavan's eyes

opened wide.

'I

didn't realise

you

fancied Paul.'

T

don't!'

'Claire, 'I

you

can't hurt Paul's feelings.'

won't,' said Claire.

drink.

'It's just

Nothing more.' 202

an old friends sort of

'

How know he had

'You

'I

a very

Know?

messy break-up with

warned Eavan. 'That's

girlfriend,'

He

Australia.

Will I

was gutted by

partly

his last

why he went

to

it.'

know that,' said Claire. 'But I'll look after him. known him for years. He's a friend. I don't him a date and he doesn't consider me one either.

didn't

Eavan, I've consider

We

were partners,

my

with 'I

for heaven's sake. It's like having a date

brother.'

can't help feeling you're playing with

'And

don't think

I

Georgia

at

it's

fire,'

said Eavan.

going to help you understand

all.'

'Who knows,' conceded Claire. 'But don't you see, Eavan, I have no experience at all when it comes to men. Not in the make-up or break-up departments. None. Anything might be 'If

you think

useful.'

so,' said

Eavan. But her tone was highly

sceptical.

It

was

highly sceptical

still

when

Claire's plan later that evening.

she told Glenn about

Glenn shrugged and

said

thought she'd be glad Claire was getting out of

that he

the house at 'That's see that

last.

what she

it's

thinks,' cried Eavan. 'But

you must

completely different.'

'No,' said Glenn.

He

closed his eyes again.

'Did you take something for your headache?' asked Eavan.

'Those stupid natural cure things,' Glenn muttered. wish

I

'Yes,

could pop a few but

—

pills.'

203

'I

Sheila

know,

'I

I

O'Flanagan

know. I'm an addictive personality.

I'd prob-

hooked on Solpadeine.'

ably get

'Glenn—' 'I'm tired,' he said I

don't 'Is 'I

everything just

woman,

irritably.

'I'm tired.

I

have a headache.

feel like talking.' all

right?' asked Eavan.

have a headache,' he snapped. 'For God's sake, give

me

a break.'

'OK, OK.' Eavan turned on her heel and walked out of the living room. She grabbed conservatory instead. But the

pages and she

finally

closed

it

a

book and went

into the

jumped around the snap. When she went

letters

with a

back to the living room, Glenn was asleep. She thought better not to

wake him.

204

it

Chapter

Lunaria (Honesty) - Flat be cut

It

and

14-

Cm*

seed heads like pearly discs.

dried.

started raining at midnight. Claire,

who was

reading

in

bed, got up at the sound of the rain against the window

pane.

It

was

still

suffocatingly

warm

sash to the very top but simply

up to

a

so she didn't close the

hoped she wouldn't

minor flood on the window-ledge the next

The thunderstorm started around three with woke her from her fitful sleep. Claire

crash that

a

wakeday.

loud rolling

liked

thunder

and lightning and always enjoyed the spectacle of a storm, but that night's was a minor affair - more noise than action,

murmured to Phydough, who'd come back up to her bedroom at the first bang. I don't think it's going to be enough to clear the air, she told him. But you never know. she

It

was

still

for Claire to

raining the next morning, which sit at

the computer and

made

it

work through

easy the

day, although she stopped every so often to check her

mailbox and make noises of disgust when she realised she

was

still

being ignored by

Danno and Guru. 205

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Maybe I should put my own profile up, she thought. made it interesting enough perhaps people would

If I

all, I sounded really boring in my no wonder they couldn't be bothered. She finished work late in the afternoon. She took a spiral bound notebook from her desk and opened it to the first

contact me. After messages.

It's

page. Although she hadn't actually gone out with anyone yet, she'd if

gained a certain amount of information.

Paul was a friend she could

rial.

still

him

use

And

even

mate-

as research

But, she promised herself, she wouldn't hurt his feelings.

ALL ABOUT WOMEN AND MEN, Women

1.

it's

the

are flattered when

same

the other

men

she printed carefully.

notice them. So

way round. Should we

maybe

tell

them

that they look good in stuff? (Bill never cared, but he's

hardly the best person

2

It's

to

judge by I)

awful making a phone

call to ask

someone for a date.

So if you're not going you'd better be really nice about

saying no. 3.

Being rejected hurts.

She chewed the inside of her the fact that JustMe had

lip.

someone

And

She'd been hurt by

else

and that neither

Danno nor Guru had

called.

her feelings was that

didn't even matter to her!

must 4.

it

be

like for

But you've got

it

someone who to

the stupid thing about

pick yourself up

206

So what

really cared?

and

start again.

How She looked

Will I

Know?

her watch. There was

at

for Paul to ring her

and cancel

plenty of time

still

their drinks for that evening,

and, given the bucketing rain, she wouldn't be surprised if

he used

with her

as

it

an excuse. After

really? Surely

all,

why would he bother

everyone had told him what

a

of space she was these days? But she knew that

on her she'd

cancelled

feel his rejection

You meet irritating She looked

at the last

likely,

man on

point and sighed. She'd been

the basis of

And you were

daughter's

name on

'Not bad,'

she picked

the display.

everything!

wonderful.'

a bit

Ordinary

up, convinced that

off.

said,

it

seeing

most

terrific

last night,' said Claire.

her.

'And the

would blow everything away, but

scared?' asked Claire.

'Mum!' 'Well,

I

thought

storm

Thunder, lightning,

a million times worse.'

you

her

are things?'

of that too,' Georgia told

teachers thought that it's

'How

might get cut

'There was thunder here

'Are

it

said Georgia. 'There's the I

'We had

him. More-

in

cancel.

going on here. It's

like

Men

Georgey - Georgia,' she

'Hello,

But she couldn't

probably better off that way!

Her mobile buzzed and was Paul about to

now

it.

someone

she thought, you met Ordinary

Places.

Places.

tosspots.

thinking of Nate Taylor as she wrote

judge every

Paul

all.

You never meet Extraordinary Men in Ordinary

5.

it

worst of

waste

if

that's

why you were 207

phoning.'

Sheila O'Flanagcin

'No,' said Georgia.

own and

I

'cos

'It's

Claire laughed. 'You'll be

home

you'll probably never speak a 'It's

me

will

I

my

have some time on

desperately needed to talk in English.'

before you

word of

ingrained by now,' said Georgia.

be glad to get home, but

it's

know

and

it

Irish again.'

guess part of

'I

fun here.'

'Any more news on that boy?'

'He apologised to me.'

'Jamesie?' Georgia giggled.

'Did he indeed?' 'Yes.

And

I

was cool and collected and

said

didn't

it

matter.'

'You're amazing,' said Claire with feeling.

'And

last

night at the

ceili I

danced with

a

guy

called

Steve who's very sweet.'

'Do you do anything other than have demanded Claire. 'I

ceilis

there?'

have to write an essay now,' wailed Georgia. 'There's

plenty of awful things to do.'

'Good,' said Claire.

Georgia giggled again.

'How about

you?

What

are

you

doing?' 'Well

.

.

.'

Claire hesitated.

'I

think I'm going out.'

'Out!'

'Don't sound so surprised,' said Claire.

'I

do go

out,

you know.' 'But not much,' retorted Georgia. 'Where? Eavan's?' 'No,' said Claire. 'I'm supposed to be meeting Paul Hanratty.'

'Your tennis partner,' remembered Georgia. 'Knobbly knees.'

208

How

Will I

He

'Georgia Hudson!

Know?

doesn't have knobbly knees.'

'You said he did,' Georgia pointed out. 'Dad asked what

you saw

in

'When

him and you

did

I

'One night before he a

said

match and he was

not

knees anyway.'

his

demanded

say this?'

Claire.

called for you.

You were

playing

driving.'

'Really?' 'Yes,' said 'I

Georgia. 'And

don't remember

'Well

it

Dad laughed and

so did you.'

that.'

happened.'

'Thanks for reminding me,' said Claire. 'So

why

are

you meeting him?'

'He's back from Australia,' said Claire. 'The club met

up

for a

few drinks and

I

missed

So I'm meeting him

it.

separately.' 'Tell

him

I

said hello,' said

Georgia. 'But best not

mention the knobbly knees.'

T

won't.' Claire laughed.

'I

really

wish

I

remembered

that.'

'Trust me,' said Georgia. 'And have fun.' 'I will,'

said Claire.

'Oh, by the way,

music program on the computer.

It's

I

figured out the

good,

isn't it?'

'Only now!' Georgia's voice was laden with sarcasm. 'You've had the computer for years,

you never bothered with

'When you

get to

my

it

Mum.

I

can't believe

before.'

age things take longer,' Claire

told her.

Georgia snorted with laughter, said goodbye and hung up.

209

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Robyn O'Malley walked up

to her just as she was putting

her phone back in her pocket. it going?' she asked. 'Who were you talking to?' 'My mum,' said Georgia. 'Just checking on her. Letting her know about the storm.'

'How's

'You and her

And

with.

don't you?'

really get on,

'Not always,' Georgia

replied. 'But she's easy to live

have to keep in touch to make sure she's OK.'

I

'Do you?' 'Of course. She's on her own that she isn't

when

how

in the

it.

how much

house and

know

she didn't mind, so that's

knew.'

be

her.

'But

all

right,' said

Robyn.

it's

She

still

misses

my

I

can't help worrying

dad so much.'

ages since the accident,' said Robyn.

know,' Georgia conceded. 'But with

like it

I

She was extra cheerful

know.' Georgia sighed. 'But

about

'I

keen about

she was saying

I

'She'll 'I

mad

was yesterday.

And

she

tries

Mum

to pretend

it

it's still

doesn't

matter and she doesn't miss him but of course she does.'

'Do you?' asked Robyn curiously. 'Yes,' said Georgia. 'He was good fun.' 'Do you think your mother will ever get married Georgia considered Robyn's question nibbled at her bottom

lip as

again?'

carefully.

She

she continued to watch the

sheets of lightning flash across the darkened sky.

'Georgey?' Robyn's voice was anxious. 'Are you OK?'

Georgia turned her fudge -brown eyes with their

of amber towards her friend and smiled slighdy. 'Worried about me?' she asked.

210

glints

How Robyn looked

Will I

rueful. 'No,' she replied. 'Well, a

I

suppose,' she added.

I

won't.'

won't stop speaking

'I

'It's just

.

.

.'

Know?

again,' said Georgia. 'Honestly

Robyn shrugged.

'That was shock,' Georgia told her. said so at the hospital.'

know

it

little,

was weird

She made

happens. They

'It

a face at her friend.

for everyone. It

was weird

me

for

'I

too.'

'Did you want to speak?' Robyn looked at her curiously. By an empathic mutual consent they'd never talked about Georgia's silence before. But now Robyn thought her friend

might be prepared to discuss

But another part of me like

it.

don't know,' Georgia answered her. 'Part of

'I

inside

me

- well,

it

what was the point? There was nothing

just I

me

did.

seemed

wanted to

say.'

'Even to your mum?' asked Robyn.

T know

it's

odd,' said Georgia. 'But

'She was worried,'

Everyone

said there

you, but

know

I

Robyn

just couldn't.'

I

'We

told her.

all

were.

was nothing physically wrong with

that inside they thought that

maybe

there

was.'

'As if this wasn't enough?' Georgia held

up her maimed

hand.

'Oh, Georgey! I'm 'It's

OK,'

sorry.'

said Georgia. 'Really

talking thing.

But

it

it is.

does seem to

And

terrify

I

got over the

everyone when-

I don't answer them right away.' Robyn looked shamefaced. 'I shouldn't have even asked

ever

you about your mum.

It's

none of 211

my

business.'

Sheila

'That's

right,' said

all

O'Flanagan

Georgia.

even thought about before. Not

'It's just

of her hand and then looked

side

about

it

we came

before

here,

something

seriously.'

at

Robyn

you know,

again.

it

'I

joked

told her not to

I

go clubbing and meet unsuitable men, but Robs. I'm not sure I'd want her to take

never

I

She rubbed the

it

was

a joke,

seriously.'

'How would you feel about it if she did?' asked Robyn. 'How did you feel about it when your mum got married again?'

And

'That was different,' said Robyn. 'She's divorced.

Mike

is

'So

I

kind of cool guess

it

really. I like

him.'

would depend on the man,'

'But to be honest with you,

I

can't see

said Georgia.

anyone measuring

up to Dad. Not for my mum. She was crazy about him. They were childhood sweethearts.' She made a face. 'I always said

was

it

a bit naff, but they didn't think so.

They

were the ultimate lovey-dovey couple.'

Robyn nodded. 'I suppose it's different,' she agreed. know my dad was a total slime ball. Anyone would 've

'You

been

a step

dad

.

'I

was

up

as far as

Mum

was concerned. But your

.' .

know'

Georgia's teeth nibbled at her

lip again.

'He

OK really.'

Robyn nodded. 'Your dad was

a

good person, not

like

Slimeball Pete.' 'That's find

why

someone

meeting new

'Would

it

I

think it'd be really difficult for

else.

men

Mum

to

Besides, Robs, she's too old to be

anyway.'

be a good thing, though,

someone?'

212

if

she found

How

Will I

'She might stop looking at

of china

all

Know?

me

like

I

a fragile piece

'Remember when

'There's always hope,' said Robyn.

my Aunt

was

the time,' conceded Georgia.

Kathy got married? She was

forty. Forty!

You'd

think she'd have given up by then, wouldn't you?'

Georgia nodded 'So

I

in

agreement.

guess you never know.'

'He'd have to be right for her, though,' said Georgia thoughtfully.

watches

it

on

'He needs to

TV

a lot

like

dogs.

And

sport - she

even though she doesn't play

am

more.'

'You need to make a her. 'So that

your

of requirements,' Robyn told

list

mum

knows how you

'But, Robs, that's only

if

fed.'

there was anyone.

And

there

isn't.' 1

no matter how remote, someone incredibly rich, she-

'Be prepared for the possibility, said

Robyn

sternly.

'So

1

.

.

.

continued. 'Who'd try to buy his way into your affection/

Georgia grinned. 'Someone with

a

gorgeous son would

be nice too.'

Robyn laughed 'And

'Absolutely.'

a brother for me.'

She pushed her friend

playfully.

And

the children they

they giggled

like

Georgia pushed her back.

no longer consid-

ered themselves to be.

Later that day, essay

diary

when

they were supposed to be writing an

on the person they admired most, Georgia took her out of her denim bag. She opened it to a blank page

and considered

for a

few moments before she began to

write.

213

Sheila

O Flanagan y

REQUIREMENTS FOR MUM'S BOYFRIEND 1.

Reasonably good-looking (no facial hair/back hair/not too

much

chest hair).

2.

Clean (fingernails

3.

Not patronising

She nodded thought.

especially/also ears).

(no heavy sighs

when I say something).

at the first three points.

Then

A

she began writing again.

214

good

start,

she

Chapter 15

Pernettya (Prickly Heath) - Masses of early then showy pink or white berries.

It

summer flowers Low -growing prickly bush.

continued to sluice rain into the early evening and,

growing more and more convinced that her date with

Paul might end up being a casualty of the weather, Claire

him to

eventually called

'Why 'It's

see if he

still

wanted to meet.

not?' he asked in surprise.

so wet,' Claire explained.

'I

thought maybe

it

would

be too inconvenient.' 'If

we'd planned

a picnic,'

a pub. It's indoors. It's dry.

'None,' she said

he

said.

'But we're going to

What's the problem?'

hastily. 'It's fine.

I'll

see

you there/

She turned off the computer, made sure that Phydough's

bowl was

filled

with dry food and that he had a fresh

supply of water, and then went upstairs to change into a pair

of comfortable jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt.

It

wasn't until she was dabbing a touch of bronzer on to her

cheeks that she suddenly thought that jeans and a T-shirt

wouldn't look

as

though she'd made

215

a lot

of

effort.

She

Sheila

O'Flanagan

stood indecisively in front of the mirror. The thing was, she thought, this was Paul she was meeting. Paul was so

used to seeing her in a sweaty T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms that anything at

all

would look

like

she'd dressed up for

him! Besides, she couldn't dress up for him. She'd

She added

ridiculous.

a slick

of tinted

lip salve

on her

feel lips

but decided against her bacteria-ridden mascara, even

though she knew that colour on her

made her

lashes

eyes

look bigger and brighter.

Her charcoal-grey coat was on the rack in the hall. Before it on she picked off some of the balls of fur which Phydough deposited on it every time he walked past. It was easy enough to catch the white hairs but the grey ones were almost a perfect match. She knew she'd be still picking them off on her way to the pub. Finally she rummaged putting

under the telescopic

bered the

stairs for

an umbrella and emerged with a red

one which had one broken spoke. She rememtime she'd used

last

it,

a

few months

earlier,

rushing from the train station in a gale -force wind which

had turned

it

inside out

more than once and left it in its vowed to get another

current state. She had, of course,

but had almost immediately forgotten. muttered, it

keeps

as she let herself

me

dry that's

all

It'll

have to do, she

out of the house. As long

as

that matters.

drumming of the rain subsided to a gentle down the road to the bus stop, stopping every so often to remove more dog hairs from her coat. It seemed as though the Irish summer had come and The

earlier

hiss as she

gone

walked

in ten days

to type after

its

and that the country had

Mediterranean

216

flirtation.

now

reverted

How She stood

Know?

Will I

bus stop for

at the

minutes before the

five

bus arrived and threw a minor wave of her feet as

it

came to

in the gutter. Claire

muddy

water over

puddle which had formed

a halt in the

was glad she'd worn ankle boots with

the jeans, even though they weren't completely waterproof feel a damp sensation around her toes. The passenger complement was young, she noticed, as she looked around for a seat. The girls were dressed up

and she could

for a night out while the

men were

sporting carefully

culti-

vated designer stubble and a contrived casualness that didn't deceive her.

They were

all

on the

She wondered

pull!

what the chances were of any of them finding partner tonight. But

if

they were

their perfect

off to pubs or clubs

all

know

she reckoned they must be pretty low. She didn't

what the top meeting venue

actually

husband

Meeting Extraordinary

Men

It

to

was

for Georgia's

was pretty sure that most people didn't bump

into their future wife or

mentioned

should rind

1

1

knowing

out, she thought, it'd be worth sake) but she

was

either of

them

a fifteen- minute

Thomas Read's but

in

in a

as useful

let

alone a club.

hunting grounds

w alk from

the bus stop in

r

she was

pub

Ordinary Places hadn't

still

a

little early.

at

all.

town

She folded

her rickety umbrella and pushed open the door of the pub, surprised to find that as she'd

it

wasn't as jam-packed with people

somehow expected

lifestyle pieces

it

to be. According to

all

the

she read about Dublin, the city was meant

to be a heaving mass of people socialising at every available opportunity,

and anyone

loser in a vibrant town.

the table at the front

sitting at

She bagged

home was

a couple

window and draped 217

of

a sad

seats

by

her coat over

Sheila

OWanajjan

one of them, then ordered

barman and

sat

So, she told herself, here like

everyone wanted, and

how you

about

It's all

matter that Paul and club

when

Bill

and

I

I

of white wine from the

a glass

back in the

seat.

am,

I

finally

out on a date

wasn't that bloody

it

think of

And

really.

it

just

difficult.

it

doesn't

often had a drink together in the

were married.

It's still a

kind of date.

She stared into space and wondered whether he thought of her It

as a date,

or an old friend too. She hoped the

was only everyone

else's

latter.

expectations that had her

thinking of drinking with Paul Hanratty in terms of a date in the first place!

(no matter thing. It

how

Being

a single

woman, an

unavailable she really

available

felt)

woman

changed every-

how people thought of her and now it how she thought of them. But she didn't change how she felt about anyone. Least of all changed

was changing

want to

people she regarded as friends. She tried to remind herself that she

that

was only here to get

seemed

tips for

a silly reason to

surrounded by younger, more a

Georgia but suddenly

be in a bar in the attractive

people

city

who had

completely different agenda.

The door that Paul

to the

was

pub opened and he walked

as studiously casual in

in. Claire

saw

appearance as the male

bus passengers had been. He's made an effort for me, she

And he looks great. The tan really suits Her heart lurched and suddenly she felt very nervous. She waved tentatively at him and he joined her, apolo-

realised in surprise.

him.

gising for being late.

'No problem,' she

told him.

watching.'

218

'I

was

sitting here people-

How

He

Will I

Know?

smiled at her and ordered a drink. There was a

moment's

silence

between them which was

to slide into awkwardness

beginning

just

when he suddenly asked

&

whether she would be rejoining the Smash

her

Grab club

when the badminton season began again in September. 'Remember when we won the tennis and badminton?' he asked. 'Bet we could do that one more time.' She shook her head. 'I'm not mobile enough.' 'I

if

my

it's

not

go back a

you put your mind

bet you could be

'It's

off,

of

my

to

he

it,'

body,' said Claire. 'If

into

it

and

that'll

that's far

more

his shoulders slightly

I

said.

ever

take ages. It\

not worth talking about. Tell

I'm sure

shrugged

a description

moved

my way

possibility,

your year

He

ease

I'll

remote

mind,

me about 1

interesting.

but launched into

his year's travels while Claire's attention

and out of the people and places he talked

in

about. Despite telling Paul that she didn't want to talk

about the Smash

now was

&

Grab club any more, being with him

bringing back memories for her.

Of winning

matches, losing matches, going for practice sessions, drinking in the bar afterwards. Sometimes

Bill

and Georgia

had come to support her by shouting vociferous encouragement, celebrating with her when she won, commiserating

when

she

lost. It

remembered. She'd

had

been remarkably

all

tried to get Bill to take

social, she

up

racquet

a

sport too but he'd contented himself with stints

running or rowing machines

in the

gym,

on the

telling her that

he wasn't competitive enough to want to play anything to win.

And

she'd laughed at

him and

said that

was great but of course taking part was

219

all

winning

that really

Sheila O^Flanajjan

mattered.

Then he'd laughed back at her and kissed her how much she hated losing!

and told her that he knew

He

understood her so well, thought

only person

who

saw part of the

understood

bits that

all

of

made up

He

Claire.

her.

was the

Most people only

the whole person.

Bill

had seen everything. She sighed deeply.

'Am

I

boring you?' Paul raised an eyebrow quizzically.

'Of course

not,' she said hastily, dragging her attention

back to the story he'd been telling about someone who'd

found

a spider in their tent

'Sorry. I

was

when

just thinking that

it

they were camping.

would be

utterly awful

to find a spider like that.' 'I

was talking about the snake

in the boathouse,' said

Paul.

'Oh, yes,

sorry,' she said, realising that

from the spider story and embarrassed 'I

meant

at

he'd

moved on

being caught out.

snake.'

She sighed again. I'm a cow, she thought. Paul has been really nice in

about

Bill.

meeting

Which

about. She bit her mistake. It was

is

lip.

for Georgia's sake.

you OK,

She

it

felt

Claire?'

is

thinking

was meant to be

this

to use

all

Paul had been a

him no matter how

was to be able to find out things guilty

He

'Sure,' she said briskly 'I

I'm doing

all

Coming out with

wrong of her

important she thought

'Are

me and

not what

guess talking to you has

now.

looked

and took

at

her quizzically.

a large gulp

of wine.

made me remember some

This time his look was sympathetic.

220

'I've hardly

stuff

seen

How you

Will I

Know?

since Bill's accident,' he said gently.

Tm sure

been

it's

awful.'

'Oh, I'm

OK now,'

everyone keeps telling

she told him. 'What's awful

me how

awful

is

that

it is.'

'Sorry.' 'I

didn't

'I

didn't

mean you,' she know whether

said hastily. 'You're fine.'

to mention

it

before

now or

not.'

'Not,' she said. 'I'm tired of people feeling sorry for

and trying to be

about

sensitive

my

me

feelings.'

guess I'm a bit sensitive about things myself,' he

'I

admitted. 'You heard that Bryony and

'Eavan did mention

keep the bitterness out of

he told

.' .

.

my

best mate.' Paul couldn't

his voice.

'No!' Claire was horrified.

'I

didn't

not something

'It's

broke up

it.'

'She was sleeping with

Paul nodded.

I

I

know

that.'

actually boast about,'

her.

She nodded. 'So

I

understand when you say you don't want

sympathy,' he said.

me and feel that

and

'Yes,'

know

that

what happened between

different, but

you do tend to

people are looking at you and talking about you

feeling sorry for

He

you

.' .

.

she agreed.

glanced

another drink. the

'I

Bry was completely

at

her almost empty glass and ordered

'I've

moved on now, though,' he

barman had brought

said after

their order.

'Did you meet anyone in Oz?' she asked.

To

her horror Paul suddenly began to

221

cry.

She looked

OWanajjan

Sheila

around the pub

in

embarrassment. She wasn't sure what

she was supposed to do.

She looked at him anxiously. met a couple of women and I slept with them but it didn't mean anything to me and I lied to you, I haven't got over Bryony at all.' 'Paul?' 'I

Claire gulped.

'And so I'm here under

false

you and everything but

liked

yet

and

...

I

if I did,

I

well to be honest, Claire

wouldn't be able to deal with that

She didn't know what to

arm

'But you'll hate

out with that .

me

but I'm

me

you out on

you and

still

may have

I

I

do

come

a bit, Claire, well, I always did

not ready.' .

.

.

that's absolutely fine.' Claire

that the relief she felt that Paul wasn't actually inter'I

not

fancied

And you're right about me and Bill. ready either. And I certainly didn't talk

about you.' She crossed her 'I

a shit night

given her the impression

bit too.

nitely

Bill

and told him that she

ested in her wasn't reflected in her voice. little

- you and

either.'

In the end she put her

for dragging

'You know, Paul, that's

hoped

always

bet you anything Eavan forced you to

because

fancied

I

I

perfectly.

like tonight. I

.

say.

tentatively across his shoulder

understood

.

pretences because

don't want to meet anyone

you

I'm

a

defi-

to Eavan

fingers.

never thought I'd get upset over a

damn woman.'

Paul took a hanky out of his pocket and blew his nose.

'You will get over

her.' Claire

found herself saying the

words that people had

said to her so

and which she'd never

truly believed.

222

many

times before

How 'Sure

But

I will.

I

her. I can't believe I

Claire

Willi Know?

thought that got

was

it

for ever,

me and

so wrong.'

it

wracked her brain for sympathetic words. But she

couldn't think of anything that didn't sound just as

and cliched

as telling

sat in silence while 'I

appreciate

you

looking forward

you'd

listen.

I

he blew

nose again.

his

listening to me,' said Paul. 'I've

day to tonight because

all

trite

him he'd get over Bryony. So she

couldn't

tell

anyone

I

been

knew that

else in the club.

They'd

on about plenty more fish in the sea but the that you think you've caught your fish - know

just blather

point

is

what

mean?'

I

He

looked pleadingly

at

her and Claire squeezed his

how

shoulder. She couldn't imagine

awful

it

must be to

discover the person you loved had betrayed you. If

had cheated on her

.

.

.

she

let

She couldn't even contemplate 'You won't

tell

anyone,

will

Bill

her breath out very slowly. Bill

cheating on her.

you?' Paul looked anxious

now.

them what?' this? About me getting upset. I'm not the bloke who gets upset, you know that. Everyone thinks I get over 'Tell

'About

stuff really quickly but 'I

I

don't.'

won't say a word,' she promised. She took her arm

away from him and smiled. 'Thanks.' It

was strange being the person

of being reassured by someone

had

said he didn't

who reassured instead And although Paul

else.

want people's sympathy she couldn't

help wanting to comfort him.

223

Sheila

O'Flanagan

any advice?' he asked eventually.

'So,

I'm the worst

'Paul,

woman

whole wide world

in the

to advise you!' cried Claire. 'Everyone thinks I've been a

hopeless recluse since

I'm

Bill died.

totally

with what's going on in the world and

suddenly and grinned

at

.

.

.'

out of touch she broke off

him. 'We're a pair of hopeless

cases really.'

'They're getting married, you know. Bryony and Keith.

Not only have

I lost

a girlfriend but I've lost a best

mate

too.'

'Oh, Paul.' She reached out and took his hand. 'I'm really sorry.'

He didn't

squeezed her hand and stared into space. Claire

know what

to say so they sat in silence until he

sniffed loudly, released her his drink quickly,

hand and then knocked back

ordering another for both of them before

Claire could object.

'Urn

/that bit about fancying you?'

.

.

quizzically

and Claire

felt

He

looked

at

her

her heart flutter nervously in her

chest. 'Yes,' 'I

she said cautiously.

mean

didn't

about

it.

I

fancy in that

meant -

She smiled 'Still are,'

well,

I

wanted to do anything

you were

attractive.'

slightiy.

he added

hastily. 'I

bet you'd have

no problem

finding a bloke.'

'When

I said I

'Anyway, I'm

wasn't ready

much

I

meant

it,'

Claire told him.

happier just having male friends.

don't need complications. But thanks for finding tive.

And

like I said, I

I

me attrac-

always thought you were a bit of

224

How all

him, be

on the court

right 'I

guess

but

like

.

.

.

too.

And

Know?

.

.

.'

she looked guiltily

came out with you to

I

well

OK,' he

'That's

Will I

see

what

at

would

it

.' .

.

said. 'It's a but, well situation for

me

too.'

They

finished their drinks. She looked at her watch.

'You want to go,' said Paul. all

this feeling sorry for

'I've really

bugged you with

myself and being bitter and twisted.'

'You're not bitter and twisted,' said Claire

my friend.' He put his arm very gendy on the

softly.

'You're

around her shoulders and kissed her

lips.

She pulled back from him, her eves

wide. She hadn't expected that, not after everything they'd said.

And

Paul Hanratty had kissed her

though always

many

times before,

match and always

in a

congratula-

tory way. This was different. This was a

man

kissing her.

A man who

And it didn't matter how how much he talked about not being

wasn't

the kiss was or

he'd

still

after a

Bill.

casual ready,

kissed her.

'I'm sorry.' There was a flash of hurt in Paul's eyes. didn't

mean

.

'No,' said Claire hastily. 'I'm sorry.

haven't

He

Nobody

has ...

.' .

.

looked

at

her curiously. 'Don't you miss

it?'

'What?'

'Someone to

kiss

you.

Someone

to sleep with?'

She shook her head. 'No.' 'Will

you

'I

.' .

ever?'

'To be honest,

I

doubt

it.'

'You don't want to make

a pact

225

do you?'

I

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'What sort of

pact?'

we can be each

'You know, that

haven't found anyone in

She laughed.

'I

She looked

at

other's fallbacks. If

we marry each

we

other.'

don't need a fallback. I'm happy.'

envy you,' he

'I

five years

said.

him

curiously.

'You've been through your bad time - and, Claire,

know side

it

was

truly terrible

I

- but you've come out die other

and you're OK.'

'Lots of people don't think so,' she told him. 'Lots of people are

wrong

then.'

'You always did say the nicest things.' This time she kissed him.

'Come

He

But

looked but

'Yes,

it

was

a platonic kiss

on

his cheek.

on,' she said. 'Let's go.'

I

at his

watch.

'It's

only half-ten,' he told her.

don't want to miss the

'You want to catch a bus!'

He

last bus.'

looked aghast. 'Get a

taxi.'

She shook her head.

'I

don't.'

'What?'

'Do

taxis.'

'Why 'I

ever not?'

don't

like cars,'

she said shortiy.

'Oh,' he said. Eavan had told

oped phobias

him

since Bill's accident

that Claire

and had

had devel-

said that she

didn't like cars. But Paul hadn't realised quite

how

deep

the whole thing ran. 'I'll

'If

walk you

you

'I'll

like.

as far as the

But

it's

bus stop,' he

said.

miles out of your way, isn't

get a taxi home,' he said. 'I'm

226

OK with

it?'

cars.'

How was

It

still

Willi Know?

drizzling as they walked along

and up Westmoreland umbrella and held

it

that she

at the

terminus a

44A

Street

high over the two of them which

had to cling on to

meant

Dame

Paul took Claire's dodgy

Street.

pulled

his

arm. As they arrived

in.

'Excellent timing,' said Claire.

'Are

you sure you wouldn't rather get

asked Paul. 'This

'OK long

won't

let

a taxi

with me?'

anything awful happen to you.'

just as quick,' she said.

then.'

it is

'I've 'I

is

'I

He made

since

I

a face at her.

walked

a girl to a

'I

never been walked to a bus stop before,' she

can't have been

he told

her.

'I

more than about fourteen or

rather thought I'd

how

can't think

bus stop.'

my

that part of

left

said.

fifteen,' life

behind.'

She smiled, took her umbrella from him and

'Goodnight, Paul,' she

let it

'And thanks

said.

down.

for

this

evening.'

'Thank you,' he

said.

'And

if

you ever do need

a

bloke

you have my number.'

to talk to -

'Sure,' she said.

on the

lips

'Don't forget,

call

'So, goodnight.' This time he didn't kiss her

but pecked her

briefly

'Goodnight,' she 'It

me

if

on the cheek.

said.

'And thanks.'

was good to see you,' Paul

said.

you need me.'

'Will do.'

She moved along the bus and still

sliding

down

sat

down. The

rain

was

the windows, distorting her vision. But

she saw Paul wave briefly at her before he thrust his hands

227

Sheila O'Flanajjan

and walked away from the

into the pockets of his jacket

bus stop. She

sat

back in her

the date she'd expected. But

hadn't quite been

seat. It it

had been worthwhile

all

the same.

Later that night she took her spiral- bound

A4 notebook

out of the pedestal beside her desk and opened

it

at the

page she'd written on before.

6.

Men

have feelings

too.

She sucked on her Biro.

known

men had

that

It

wasn't as though she hadn't

She'd seen

feelings.

Bill

reduced to

of a four-year-old patient.

tears over the terminal illness

She'd seen him enraged over spending cuts in the health service.

She'd seen the joy in

cradled the

had

newborn Georgia

feelings.

But

in the

were urged to forget

his eyes the

whole dating

that.

day he'd

first

Of course men game most women

in his arms.

She thought of the

the magazines which listed ways to get a

man

articles in

as

though

home and trained. She thought of the articles which told women how to dress and how to behave and how to make men fall in he was nothing more than a pet to be brought

love with them. She thought of Paul's ex- girlfriend,

why she'd cheated on him with how Bryony herself would have felt if Paul

Bryony, and wondered Keith Carry and

had cheated on her with Bryony's best

friend.

But

if Bryony

didn't really love Paul, Claire mused, then there wasn't

any point in pretending. That thought

ding

clarity.

hit her

She was planning to go out with

228

with

star-

men and

How

Will I

Know?

pretend that she was interested in them. But how

fair

was

that really?

There isn't any point in pretending.

7.

Well, fall

for

what the

hell,

she thought. There's

There's no rule that says

want her.

no way

any of them, but maybe they could become

lovers.

I

can't have friends even

She touched her

lips

if

where Paul had

That had been weird. Beyond weird, because

Paul who'd done the kissing.

wanted to

kiss

And

him, the touch of

could

I

friends. I

don't kissed it

was

even though she hadn't his lips

had brought the

sensations flooding back. She closed her eyes and

let

herself

remember.

Then

she opened

them

again, pulled the

towards her and made one more entry.

8.

A

kiss is

just a

kiss.

229

notebook

Chapter 16

Jasminum

(Jasmine) - Yellow or white flowers on weak stems

which need support or twining stems for climbers.

The

remnants of the storm blew themselves out that

night.

By midnight

the

last

rumblings of thunder had

passed over and the following morning the skies were clear again while the puddles which had accumulated over the last

two days dried rapidly

Shanahan was

morning

rays

sitting in

when

in the rising sun.

the doorbell rang. Alan Belle w, the

senior estate agent in the firm of Bellew

on the

step

&

Purcell, stood

accompanied by yet another couple

who wanted

to view the house. Alan smiled at her as she let

but her return smile was half-hearted and tion. Eileen

knew

Eileen

her conservatory enjoying the

full

them

in

of resigna-

that the estate agents were delighted

with the interest being shown in Ambleside, but she was getting a bit fed

up of people tramping through the house,

undoubtedly peeking into her cupboards and commenting about the necessity for a complete interior makeover or the fact that there wasn't a downstairs loo.

230

How

Willi Know?

She went out into the back garden and

on the bench

sat

near the wall while he showed the house. Ideally, of course, she shouldn't have been there at

all,

but

unscheduled showing and Alan had called to see

if it

this

was an

a little earlier

would be OK. Eileen had agreed on

the condi-

tion that she didn't have to leave the house. If only a job, she

day. It

thought, or something

the

had never bothered her before, but now she was

resdess in the house, feeling as trapped in felt in

had

I

do during

else to

it

her marriage. She was glad that her

was out

in the

open

as she'd

once

with

Con

split

was ridiculous to have kept

at last. It

the true state of their relationship a secret for so long. secret

from

neighbours led

Claire, at least, if not

who had

more or

spoke about

less it.

long since realised that the Shanahans

separate lives even

But Claire

had been so caught up

.

.

as she

.

though no one ever

Eileen shook her head. Claire

in her

never even noticed anyone

She sighed

A

from the more knowing

own

life

and family

thought of Claire but

flickered in her heart too.

that she

else's.

a faint

hope

Even though she'd thought

that

her daughter had looked as washed out as ever (despite

her faint tan)

when

she'd called to see her recently, she'd

also detected a slight

toughness coming back to

her.

Obviously she'd been upset about the news of the separation

and ultimate divorce but she'd been quite sparky about on her own and - even though

the idea of Eileen living

she wouldn't in a million years

live in

the city - Eileen had

been secredy pleased that Claire had cared enough to suggest that she should

want things to be good

move

to Dublin to be near her.

for her again, she

231

I

thought wist-

Sheila

My only child went through life so luckily

do.

fully. I really

O'Flanagan

the accident that she never had to worry about

until

anything.

I

don't

like

the fact that she does nothing but

worry now. She looked up

stepped into

as the possible purchasers

when he was the house - he was much

the garden followed by Alan. She liked

agent bringing people around to the

it

older than the other guy they sometimes sent and she

though he understood her

as

better. Plus

felt

(and she was

surprised at herself for suddenly thinking this) Alan Bellew

was

an old-world kind of way.

attractive in

He

of stone-grey hair with absolutely no sign of

on

top, a slightiy weatherbeaten but kind face,

impeccably cut find as

him

suits

and

after

Con.

It

was

all

said that she should

She didn't

kind of way. (She rather

attractive in a sexual

man

a

mass

a

thinning

and he wore

cufflinks in his shirts.

though she'd never find

had it

attractive in a sexual

felt

way

very well to read the magazines which still

be up for

hadn't ever truly been up for

it

it

in her sixties, but she

at all

once Claire had been

born.) All the same, she liked Alan's manners and his

And

genteel charm.

way he

she liked the

didn't appear to

pressurise the potential purchasers but simply let

wander around and get the estate agent

feel

them

of the house. The other

was pushier, constantiy drawing attention to

the size of the

rooms ('you won't get

these dimensions in

any new development'); the potential to extend ('making it

into a truly fabulous residence'); or the array of plants

in the

pretty

garden ('an amazing outdoor experience'). Alan

much

garden and

them that them to it.

told left

it

was

232

a

wonderful house and

How

He

Will I

Know?

now

as the

walked over to her

couple chatted on

the patio.

'They've put in an offer already,' he told her. 'That's five

so

Eileen.'

far,

'A higher offer than the

she enquired.

last?'

'Two thousand more,' he confirmed.

'There's a lot of

interest.'

'Are

you

me

telling

your advice and had

He

smiled at her.

She nodded.

that

it

your choice.'

'It's

know.

'I

idea of an auction.

I

I

like to

'Everyone

buy

T

it.

who

They

I

I

have

just

know

I

this

hated the

image of All the

that's stupid!

think that the house will get nice people.'

views this house

told her seriously. 'They

to

know why

don't

suppose

unscrupulous bidders and same, I'd

should have gone along with

I

auctioned?'

all

just can't

is

appreciate

all

afford

never would have thought

it

said Eileen ruefully. 'Back then

a nice

it

person/ he

and they'd

all

like

it.'

when we moved

in first,'

was so bloody ordinary.

it

Everyone had four bedrooms and

a big

back garden.'

'Times change,' said Alan. 'That's true.' She smiled at him.

thought that

I'd

end up

living in

'I

guess I'd never have

an apartment on

my

own.' 'Are

you worried about

it?'

he asked.

'God, no.' This time she laughed. 'I'm looking forward to

it,

Alan. All

cally just

my own

my

life

I've lived

got in the way. thing.

And

to

Now

tell

you the

233

with someone

who

basi-

I'm going to be able to do truth,

I

can hardly wait.'

Sheila

Claire

was

down on

in

O'Flanagan

The heavy rain had beaten some of their stems were now

her garden too.

the flowers so that

bent sideways and their petals bruised. She walked bare-

damp

foot through the

Although

Bill

grass, scissors in

in fact, told her that

it

many

cases

of more blooms), she always read that flowers

And was at

hand to cut them.

had never minded cutting the flowers (had,

feel

felt

it

stimulated the growth

bad about

it.

She'd once

pain and cry whenever they're picked.

even though she wasn't entirely certain whether truly the case, she always felt that they

this

were screaming

her whenever she cut them. But there was no point in

leaving bent and battered blossoms to be walked into the grass. Better that they

fill

up the

crystal vase in the kitchen.

She knelt down beside the Indian Pink carnations and

began snipping them, trying to convince herself that they weren't bleeding full

force

all

The bees were out

over her hands.

in

and she suddenly remembered that she hadn't

rung anyone about the wasps'

She shuddered

nest.

at the

thought of the thousands of wasps that were undoubtedly partying in her roof and sighed because she was so bloody disorganised that she hadn't called either a garden centre

about the garden or an exterminator about the wasps yet even though she'd told herself that they were urgent things to do.

Why

can't

I

concentrate on things properly any more,

she asked herself.

but

I still

When

get twice as

nest thing.

And

Georgia's here I'm twice as busy

much

I really

done!

must get

need to do the wasps'

I

in

touch with

him that I'm glad he's found a woman that I hope he'll be happy with her. tell

234

Dad and

to love and

How

Will I

She stood up and winced her knee.

because of

my

can't get

I

Bill,

As she

to be happy.

juddered through

as the pain

head around bad relationships

she thought ruefully.

my head around a parents who had it. But

And

it's

even harder

bad relationship when

to get

them both

Know?

the

bottom

line

is

was

it

that

I

my

want

such a waste to be miserable!

It's

carried the armful of flowers into the kitchen,

the doorbell rang. She dropped the flowers on the table

and walked through the hallway to open the door.

More

flowers greeted her, this time a huge mixed

bouquet of yellow roses and wide

in surprise.

And

tiger

lilies.

Her

eves

opened

then even wider when she saw

who

was holding them.

'What do you want?' she asked. 'It's

you.' Nate Taylor looked at her in surprise. "With

the dog. Knocking people over.

I

didn't

know vou

lived

here.' 'I

wouldn't have expected you

walked into

me

He opened

too,

his

you know.

mouth

to,'

she said. 'And vou

1

though he was going

as

to argue

with her again, but sighed instead. 'Claire Hudson?'

She nodded.

'Then these are

for you.'

'Who are they from?' T don't know,' he said I

just deliver

them.

I

irritably.

'Sarah makes

them and

don't ask about the person

who

ordered them or the person who's getting them or what they're for or I

why

they've chosen roses instead of orchids.

deliver them. That's

it.'

Claire looked at him, her head to

235

one

side.

T don't

O'Flanagan

Sheila

know why

you're involved in a customer- based industry/

she said. 'You hate people, you seem to hate flowers and

you're the rudest person

He opened then closed

on

sion

it

his

mouth

He

again.

his face.

his

though to argue with her and

stood in front of her, a wry expres-

Then he

which transformed

ever met.'

I

as

smiled.

It

was

genuine smile

a

dour appearance and

lit

up

his

odd-

coloured eyes. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'You're right. I'm the rudest person

and

in the universe I

apologise

I've

been particularly rude to you and

totally.'

She was taken aback by the apology and by the

And by

the sudden bubbling of

She looked 'No.

me

I

at

him

amusement

smile.

in his voice.

doubtfully.

am,' he said, seeing her reservations. 'Sarah read

the riot act after you'd been in the shop and

you got me on

a

bad

I

guess

day.'

'So today's another bad day?' 'I've

'And

I

been having

know

a

few bad days

I definitely

paying customers but

I

he admitted.

suppose I've been letting stupid

things get the better of me. for snapping at you.'

recently,'

shouldn't take them out on the

And

so

I

am, honesdy, sorry

He looked hopefully at her and Claire

couldn't help smiling in return. 'Well,

and

I

apology.

who

OK then,'

she said. 'Since

we

all

have bad days

can be grumpy myself sometimes too,

Anyway

the hell sent

I

I

accept your

shouldn't really expect you to

me

know

the flowers.'

'Obviously an admirer,' said Nate. 'This was a pretty expensive order.'

236

How

Will I

Know?

'Really?' 4

He

Yes.'

from

me

looked

at her.

'Do you want

to take

them

or are you going to refuse them?'

'Of course

She took the bouquet.

not.'

overwhelmed with flowers

at the

moment.

I

Tm cut

just a bit

some from

the garden only a few minutes ago.' 'Feast or a famine,' he remarked.

'Oh

well.'

tried to

She pulled the envelope from the bunch and

open

with one hand.

it

He opened

'Let me,' said Nate.

it

for her

and then read

the message aloud. 'Thanks for everything, Cinderella.

mean

that.

And

I

don't forget you used to stay out past

midnight. Love, Paul.' Claire blushed.

'Like

I

an admirer.' Nate was grinning

said,

at

her this

time.

'Not

she said in embarrassment. 'An old friend/

really,'

'Yeah, right.'

into the

wanted

He

laughed while she stuffed the card back

bouquet of

flowers. 'So, this

He

tidied up?'

'More the back garden There might be no harm

and

despite his apologies

is

the garden you

gestured at the front lawn. really,' said Claire.

in asking

his

sudden

him

She hesitated.

to look at

it,

but

efforts to be nice she

wasn't prepared to automatically assume he'd be the right

person to deal with let

him

look,

Bill's

maybe

garden.

Still, it

couldn't hurt to

give her a price for the

work she

needed done. 'D'you want

me

he turned back to

to check

it

over for you?' he asked as

her.

She nodded uncertainly. 'Come on through.'

237

O'Flanagan

Sheila

She led him through the kitchen where she put Paul's

bouquet alongside the carnations she'd

extravagant

brought

in earlier.

Phydough, who'd been

asleep in his

up and padded towards them. He stopped

basket, got

him

front of Nate and looked at

in

curiously.

'He's a gorgeous dog,' said Nate.

'You said he was an elephant before,' Claire reminded him.

'Do you want more apologies from me?' asked Nate. 'No,' said Claire. 'But

He

fur in the

way

Am

'OK?

you can apologise to my dog.'

laughed. 'Dog, I'm sorry.' that the

now

I

She shrugged.

a 'I

fit

dog

liked.

He

person to look

suppose

so.'

ruffled

Phydough's

Then he looked at

at Claire.

your garden?'

She opened the back door

and they both stepped out on to the

patio, followed

by

Phydough.

'Some

size

of garden for

this close to

town,' remarked

Nate. 'It's

why we

'Right.'

under the

He first

chose the house,' she told him.

walked

down

the damp lawn and stopped Then he appraised the unkempt

apple tree.

hedges, the parched flowers and the overgrown rockery before looking

critically at

the jumble of potted plants

on

the patio area. 'I

didn't get

embarrassed

round to doing them

this year,' said Claire,

at their straggly nature. 'I've

been very

busy.'

you want it tidied up, the lawn mowed, the trees pruned - I might leave that till a bit later - all that sort 'So

of thing?'

She nodded.

238

How 'Would you

'Why 'I

me

like

not. If

Will I

to send

But

problem.

can do

I

It's

you

a quote?'

something you do.'

it's

prefer design,' said Nate.

scratch.

Know?

this

if

'I

like

doing gardens from

you want, absolutely no

not complicated.'

Did she want him to though, wondered

Did she

Claire.

want someone who obviously didn't think much of the layout and plants that effort

on because

it

on

despite turning

had spent so much time and

Bill

wasn't complicated enough?

the

charm now, might

still

And who, grumpy

be a

old man? Well, not old. Probably around the same age as

And maybe

herself actually.

was

that wasn't the point

not

really

grumpy

either - but

She'd seen him grumpy.

it?

And

the garden needed loving care not grumpir,

know

'By the way, d'you

you've got a wasps' nest

in

your roof}' he remarked. She nodded.

'I

keep meaning to get

rid

of

it

but

I

forget.' 'I

know someone,'

his card if

you

like.'

said Nate. 'He's

He

good.

I'll

give

you

patted his pockets and eventually

took out a dog-eared business card. 'Thanks,' said Claire as she took

'And

if you're

for the garden as

'OK,' she

it

genuinely interested,

soon

said. It

send you a quote

as possible.'

couldn't do any harm to see the quote.

'Right,' said Nate.

better get back.'

'I'd

towards the house and then glanced 'I

from him. I'll

at the

He

turned

garden again.

love the jasmine,' he said. Claire bit her

lip.

She smiled slighdy

The jasmine had been at

Nate.

'I like it

239

too.'

Bill's favourite.

O'Flanagan

Sheila

His eyes narrowed.

you want

sure

'Is

everything OK?' he asked. 'You

that quote?'

'Of course,' she answered

robustly. 'It has to be done.'

shame you've

get so overgrown,' said Nate.

a

'It's

'But

let it

won't take much to get

it

could replace that rockery

back to

it

at the

its full

glory.

back for you too

if

I

you

like.'

'You can include 'Sure.'

He

it

in the quote.'

cast a fleeting

table again before he

you,' he said.

'It

left.

truly

look

at the

bouquet on the

'That Paul bloke thinks a lot of

was one of our most expensive

orders.'

Claire

of

had run out of vases

Bill's

the

window

and so put some

on

ledge to take to the recycling depot. Paul's

bouquet was its

for her flowers

carnations into the glass jars she had lined up

really beautiful

but she was embarrassed by

magnificence. She took out her mobile and sent a text

message thanking him. Claire loved being able to send text

They freed her from having to talk to people. Her phone buzzed in response and she smiled as she

messages.

read Paul's reply telling her that she was welcome and that

he'd see her soon but was off to Galway for a few days.

She replied that she hoped he'd have perhaps meet simple

new women. His

a

good time and

response to that was a

Haha.

She cleared away

all

the broken stems and the leaves

that she'd stripped off the flowers

and took them down

On

her way

compost heap

at the

end of the garden.

back up she stopped

at the

jasmine and rubbed one of the

to the

240

How

Know?

Will I

yellow flowers between her fingers. Life with so bloody simple.

A

It really

had been

Bill

had.

wasp brushed by her and she walked determinedly

back to the house. She'd

on the would

left

the card for the exterminator

The company was them now.

table.

ring

Stamp Out. She

called

'A wasps' nest?' he asked in response to her question.

No

'Sure.

problem.

It'll

be

a

couple of days because we're

up to our necks. The country year!

Can

nite time?

the

I call

is

overrun with them

you back tomorrow and

my way

I'm on

moment and

'Fine,' she said

my

1

diary.

and gave him her number.

Right, she thought, as she

hung up

A quote

getting organised at

last.

to look at the nest.

Not bad

the phone.

'How to Recognise sat down and filled article.

the

Man

in the

According to the

perfectionist.

Pm

Someone

for the garden.

really!

She went back downstairs and picked up

A

this

a defi-

to a house in Deansgrange at

can't access

I

you

give

a

of your Dreams/

questionnaire results she

The magazine

at

magazine. it

said.

She

the end of the

was too demanding.

told her that she shouldn't

set impossible targets for people.

'Rubbish,' she said, out loud, and pushed

'Come

on, Phy. Let's go for our walk.'

241

it

to

one

side.

Chapter 17

Echinops (Globe Thistle) - Usually dark blue flower heads on

fat stems. Wear gloves when handling.

On

Friday morning Eavan's eyes flickered open and

bed.

was a quarter to

she looked at the red display of the clock beside her

It

that she

six.

She turned over and

was alone. She rubbed

have got up already.

It

was

far

at

too early for

that.

She rolled

come back

to bed. But

between waking and sleep she

realised that

over again and waited for him to as she drifted

realised

her eyes. Glenn couldn't

no sounds coming from the en-suite where she'd have expected him to be. Nor any sound of him

she could hear

pottering about in the kitchen downstairs.

She opened her eyes with a snap and bed.

It

was

a roll

sat

upright in the

of thunder that had woken

her.

Not

again, she thought. Given that there'd been a storm the

previous week, she'd hoped the weather would have cleared for

good. But obviously not. She got out of bed and looked

out of the window. Charcoal-grey clouds scudded across the

morning

sky.

She reached for her pink and white

242

How dressing

gown and

Will I

pulled

Know?

tightly

it

around her waist before

walking out of the bedroom and then stopping outside the door of Saffy's room. She pushed

Glenn was the

little girl

sitting in the

in his lap, her eyes closed.

of Coke was on the locker.

glass

'Hi,'

he said

open

it

gently.

wicker chair beside SarTy's bed,

He

An

almost finished

looked up

Eavan.

at

softly.

'Hi,' she returned. 'What's up?'

'Nothing,' he said. 'She

want her to disturb you so her a story and she

'What time was

fell

woke up. came in

I

heard

her.

I

here with her.

I

didn't I

read

1

asleep again.

asked Eavan.

this?'

'Oh, about an hour ago.'

'An hour ago!' she squeaked.

How come 'I

you

did?

was awake myself,'

get a drink.

I

said Glenn.

heard her

Eavan glanced

at

'How come

You never used as

the

I

'I

came up

Coke

I

didn't hear?

to!'

glass.

went downstairs

to

again.'

'Not very sleep

inducing,' she remarked.

Glenn shrugged and drained the

glass while

Eavan

woken with a wet but muggy and humid

pressed her fingers to her temple. She'd slight

headache thanks to the

weather.

'You could have put her back to bed,' she told him.

'Once she 'I

falls

back asleep she's usually out for the count.'

know,' said Glenn. 'But she said she wasn't feeling

well.'

'No?' Eavan walked over and placed the back of her hand gently on her daughter's forehead. She frowned slightly. 'She's a bit hot.'

243

O'Flanagan

Sheila

me

'D'you want that

why

Glenn. 'That's

'Yes,' said

make

to

stayed with her.'

I

breakfast?' asked Eavan.

'Now

I'm up?'

He

didn't reply.

'Glenn?' she repeated.

anything special you'd

Glenn shook again.

He

Claire

was up

'I'll

He

his head.

was back

make

breakfast.

there

Is

like?'

in a

early too.

was gazing down

world of

his

at Saffy

own.

She'd snapped into wakefulness,

body sweating and her cheeks wet always happened when she had the dream.

.her heart thumping, her

with It

tears, as

was of Jamaica, of course, and

and though the

it

came to her

power to reduce her to

she stood beside

Bill

less

their holiday together,

frequently

now

it still

a quivering wreck. In her

on the balcony of

their hotel

had

dream

room

looking out into the inky blackness of the balmy night.

She could

feel

the

of his heart beside like

warmth of his body and her.

And

it

was almost

the steady beat

perfect.

So much

being with him again, knowing that he was there,

sensing him.

And

was

real.

Bill

wasn't quite

knowing

yet

She always knew, real.

grew within her so

that

in the

Meanwhile

that she

somehow none of

it

dream, that being with

knew

a sense

that

of foreboding

something awful

was going to happen. She knew, too, that there was nothing that she could

do to stop it. Then, as she stood there with mounting inside her, there would be

the feeling of dread a

sudden

this

flash

and

a

sound and Claire would know

was the horror but she

still

that

couldn't do anything;

couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't cry out even

244

How

Will I

Know?

though she knew that she had to warn looking out

at the

Bill,

who was

still

dark sea as though he didn't have

a

Then everything would suddenly go feel the weight of" water on her and hear

care in the world.

black and she'd

the sound of people's voices saying that

and that was when she would wake up, ration, the sheet twisted

wet with

it

was

all

her fault

slicked with perspi-

around her body and her cheeks

tears.

Usually, after the dream, she

room and check

that she

would go

into Georgia's

was 0¥^ to reassure herself that

she hadn't lost her too. But today Georgia wasn't there

and Claire had to make herself not pick up the phone and call

her and ask her was she

downstairs and into walls

all

right.

Instead she went

surgery and she stared

at

the

and the sun-faded posters and wondered would there

ever be a day I

Bill's

when

she could forget.

don't want to forget, she muttered

as

she

surgery and went into the kitchen where Phydough gently in greeting and nuzzled her legs.

I

just

left

the

woo fed

don't want

remember it all in that damn dream any more! She made herself a cup of coffee and watched the sunrise and then, at a more respectable hour, she sent Georgia a text just asking was everything all right. The reply 'of

to

course' eased the knot of anxiety that had been

in

her

stomach ever since wakening. She couldn't She

felt restless

active.

settle in front

of the ice-white computer.

and on edge. She needed to do something

She went into her bedroom and took the badminton

racquet from the wardrobe shelf again. She couldn't play

badminton. Not early

in the

245

morning and not without

Sheila

someone

O'Flanagan

And

to play against.

not against any of the people

she normally played against either. She threw the racquet

on the bed and then into the

sat

down

beside

staring unseeingly

it,

open wardrobe.

Suddenly her eyes focused on the clothes hanging from the

rails

and she was jerked into remembering the Dinner

in the

Dark event. E-mails had been

about

it, all

and

all

sorts

talking about

of

silly

flying

between everyone

what to wear and how to behave

gossipy stuff that was kind of fun but,

But they were

Claire thought, pretty irrelevant too.

about what to wear, she mused,

as her

right

gaze flickered over

her clothes. She had nothing suitable. Nothing at

all.

She

stood up. The magazines always said that shopping was good

when you were

feeling depressed

buying things you didn't

new dress. She

though they warned about

really need.

But she did need

a

And maybe going shopping would

really did.

break the feeling of unease that always lingered after the

dream but which she

It

really didn't

had stopped raining

in

out, glittering like hard

want to

feel

any more.

Galway and the sun had come

diamonds on the shining black

tarmacked surface of the yard outside the college. Georgia

and Steve it.

a

O Se were sitting on the low wall that surrounded

Georgia was listening to her iPod and Steve was reading

book about

Irish folklore.

'This time next

remarked Steve

as

week

we'll be

on our way home,'

he closed the book.

'Hmm.>' Georgia removed her earphones. 'We'll be

on our way home

this

repeated. 'Seems hard to imagine.'

246

time next week,' he

How

Will I

Know?

'You don't want to go home?' She looked

him

at

shrewdly.

'Ah, no,

you

I

do,' he said.

I

Tm bored here.

think I'd have legged

She grinned

him.

at

'If it

it

If it wasn't for

long before now.'

wasn't for me?'

'You're the only interesting person here,' he told her.

'Don't be

daft,'

she said. 'I'm not interesting. I'm ordi-

nary.'

'You're lovely,' said Steve. 'You're lovely to look at and

you're lovely to know.'

was Steve

who

said. 'You're the first girl

IYc

Georgia blushed furiously and

this

time

it

grinned. 'I

ever

being with you,' he

like

met who - who

isn't like a girl.'

Georgia

'Great,' said

in

mock

me

horror. 'You sec

what, exacdy?'

'You

know what

giggly and

silly

I

mean,' said Steve. 'You're not

and prattling on about boy-bands or

bands or so-called celebrities that

all

girl

never heard

I've

about.' 'I

don't do that with you,' she acknowledged. 'But

I'm with 'I

bet

my

girlfriends

it isn't,'

my

life is

a whirl

all

silly

I

do

moment with a And I know it's

it's

reading Heat

like

those celeb- watch mags.

not? They're so awful really but

How

on her cheek

horrible spot

or something.

shallow and that

be more worried about

my exams

don't care.'

247

can you

great fun to see the

hot chick of the

I

when

gossip/

said Steve.

'Not always,' she admitted. 'But

and Closer and

of

I

should

than Britney's skin, but

Sheila

O ¥lanagan y

Steve laughed. 'And you're honest,' he said.

'I like

that

too.'

'I'm glad

He

looked

mean

I

pass

at

your

you and

she told him.

tests,'

don't want you to think

I

her awkwardly.

that I like

'Good,' she

He

all

not meant to be ...

'It's

not a

'It's

I feel

and

I

before

just

said. I kiss

'Here, now?' She raised an eyebrow.

6

I

.

comfortable with you.'

looked around them. 'Can

so, Steve

Georgia.

test,

.' .

Se.

Mr 6 Murchu

don't think

slid

really

coming

is

would be

it

we go home.' She

you?' he asked.

'I

a

good

idea.

from the wall

don't think

our direction

in

But maybe

as the teacher

approached. '£/#«,' she said to Steve, and winked.

work Eavan took

After Glenn had gone to

The

doctor's surgery.

woken and was

still

little girl

feverish

had been

sick

Saffy's listlessness

morning children.

surgery,

when

a little

worried

and so she braved the

which was

she'd

and cranky. Eavan thought

about dosing *her with Calpol but she was

about

Saffy to the

filled

By the time Eavan and

early-

mainly with mothers and Saffy got in to see the

much better. Dr McCormack

doctor, Saffy was already looking and feeling

'But better to be safe than sorry,' said as she scribbled a

few notes on

Saffy's

file.

'How

are you,

by the way?' 'Me?' asked Eavan. 'I'm

'You don't need

me

fine.'

to look

you over while you're

here?'

asked the doctor. 'No!' Eavan looked anxiously at her. unwell,

do

I?'

248

'I

don't seem

How Dr McCormack you might 'I'm

Will I

Know?

laughed. 'Of course not.

I

just

thought

two -for- the -price -of- one check-up.'

like a

fine,' said

Eavan. 'Honestly.'

'And your husband?' Dr McCormack asked. 'How's

he?'

'He's fine too,' Eavan told her.

'Coping

well?'

'Absolutely.' 'Great,' said the doctor. 'It's nice to have a family with a clean bill

of health.

done so

hasn't

Saffy's

bug

will

soon

clear up, if

it

already.'

'Thanks,' said Eavan.

She

left

the surgery with Saffy in

tow and then strapped

her daughter into the child-seat of the people -carrier. They

drove back to the house with Saffy's chatter becoming

more and more animated every second. have heeded

my own

instinct that she

I

was

really

fine

should

and nor

bothered with surgery, which always takes hours, thought

Eavan glumly.

Now

I'm way behind with the laundry

.\nd

the ironing. Plus, she secretly admitted, she'd wanted to

bought in the supermarket week and which was a total page-turner, all woman whose husband was cheating on her with

finish the big fat novel she'd

the previous

about a

her best friend. I'd

over the pages,

When

I

kill

Glenn, she'd thought

really

and

truly

as she flipped

would.

they got back to the house, Saffy started to play

doctors and nurses with her favourite dolls, and Eavan

went

upstairs.

locker,

and

She'd

now

left

Glenn's glass on Saffy's bedside

she went into the

up. Then, feeling both incredibly it.

All she could smell

bedroom and picked

silly

and

it

guilty, she sniffed

was the sweet aroma of Coke. And

249

Sheila O'Flanajjan

yet

.

.

there was a dribble of liquid at the bottom. She

.

tipped the glass and allowed the drop to

tongue.

It still

only seemed

She sighed deeply.

like

Coke

on

roll

to her

to her.

was ridiculous of her to harbour

It

sudden suspicions about her husband. In the

five years

they'd been married he'd never given her the slightest

reason to suggest that he hadn't given up alcohol completely.

-

And

those times that she wondered or worried

about

it

useful

way of testing her

was

well, she didn't seriously worry. It feelings.

just a

But now her worry was

different.

She was concerned because Glenn seemed to be acting erratically these days.

His timekeeping was

sometimes leaving the house very

place,

sometimes seeming to be very

home had become

late.

equally erratic.

all

over the

early for

work,

His time for coming

He

explained

it all

away

by the business expansion drive and the meetings that had

been

set up,* but

conversation.

He

it

was

still all

over the place. As was his

argued with her about

contradicted himself.

He

silly

things.

He

sometimes seemed to forget he'd

even told her something.

And

they hadn't had sex since before Saffy's birthday.

These days when Glenn got into bed he seemed to be asleep before his

down if

head

hit the pillow.

to extra work, but

now she

drink had something to

He

At

first

she'd put

it

couldn't help wondering

do with

it.

never actually appeared to be drunk. But didn't

they say that this was something alcoholics were good

Hiding the

fact that

Seeming to be

at?

they were sozzled out of their brains?

perfectly

normal while

250

all

the time they'd

How consumed it

a

Know?

Will I

couple of bottles of

spirits?

Wasn't that

how

went?

She sighed

heavily. If

And

outside the house.

home

he was drinking he was doing

if

Would he

pissed too.

it

was the case he was driving

that

really risk

it?

She went downstairs and opened the drinks cabinet.

They

didn't keep alcoholic drink in here and as far as Eavan

could see the cabinet

contained

still

its

usual quota of

mixers and cartons of juice. She'd thought that

suddenly decided to

start

drink in the cupboard on the basis that

where she'd

were smarter than

Suddenly she ran up the

room. She inside.

the

lid

wasn't some-

it

stairs

of the

that.

that!

again and into the bathtoilet cistern

and peered

You're such a fool, she told herself sheepishly

she lowered again,

lifted

he had

But he was smarter than

actually look.

All alcoholics

if

drinking again he might put the

it.

He

and even

if

wouldn't drink again, he

isn't

as

drinking

he was what on earth would make you

think he'd hide a bottle in the toilet cistern? That's probably something that only

Shaking her head

at

TV

her

lushes do.

silliness,

she went back

down

stairs again.

Claire

was having an unexpectedly great time

She'd forgotten in search

how much

of the perfect

fun

outfit,

out of touch with what was

it

in

and she was

in fashion.

and

The

rails

also completely

She discovered that

she liked the neckline currendy in vogue and that her.

town.

was to browse the

it

suited

slighdy longer length of the summer's chiffon

voile skirts hid

most of the 251

scars

on her

legs.

The

vivid

O'Flanagan

Sheila

lime greens and bright oranges which seemed to have taken

over the high streets worked with her colouring. She

bought an assortment of coloured T-shirts and tops, one skirt, and - for the Dinner in the Dark - a silk dress in a delicate mauve which she hadn't

green and one orange

expected to suit her but which looked absolutely stunning.

She blinked a couple of times

changing-room mirror. person.

Whether

it

was

It

her reflection in the

at

looking

like

was her summer

mood

dress or simply the lightness of her face, Claire

of the

reflected in her

admitted to herself that she suddenly looked

younger and

prettier

realised that she

absence of

at a different

tan, the colour

it

and

.

.

.

less

miserable. She hadn't

looked miserable before. But

in her face that

it

was the

changed her completely.

The shop assistant who peeked on nodded approvingly at

getting

in to see

how

she was

the dress and brought

her a pair of elegant high-heeled sandals to try on with

At

first

Claire

it.

had been about to refuse them, thinking

that delicate wispy sandals with pretty purple flowers across

the toes might look pretty but were totally impractical, but

then she

slid

them on

to her feet and was instantly

enchanted. So she bought the sandals too. It

was

a bit

of a nightmare carrying her bags to the bus

and finding space

for

all

of them.

I

need to get over the

car thing, she told herself as she held

one hand and her that's for

on to the

rail

selection of bags with the other.

another day.

252

with

But

Chapter 18

Dodecatbeon (Shooting Star) -Pink, white and purple blooms on upright

As

Eye-catching in early summer.

stalks.

soon

as she

got

home

Claire tried

on

all

her new

purchases again before putting them away.

Of

course, she muttered as she closed the wardrobe door, I

should've bought a bag to go with the new dress and

sandals.

too

That would've finished

it all

perfectly.

But

it

w

as

go looking for handbags now; she'd spent town and the wasps' nest man was due any

late to

ages in

minute. She'd only just come downstairs again when the door bell rang.

David Beckham, the footballer who'd launched

and shattered

a

thousand dreams, was standing on her

doorstep.

Of

course she

no reason

for

white boiler a smile

on

him

knew

suit, his

his lips,

body double

it

wasn't really Becks. There w

as

to be standing in front of her in a snow-

straw-blond hair slightly tousled and

but the guy opposite her was a complete

for him,

and

Claire,

253

who'd always

fancied

O 'Flanagan

Sheila

Beckham even when stood

still

had turned somewhat,

his fortunes

amazement.

in

'I'm here about the wasps' nest.'

He had Deep and

the voice that Becks should've been born with. sensual. It sent shivers

'Oliver Ramsey,' he told her.

days ago and

'Oh,

yes.'

we arranged

down 'I

Claire's spine.

rang you back a few

for now.'

it

She couldn't take her eyes off him.

The

'Yes.

wasps' nest. Yes. That's me.' 'I

do have an appointment for today,' said Oliver.

'Sure. Yes. Sure.' Claire hadn't felt so flustered in years. 'I

know. I'm 'It's

sorry. I

was - busy. You caught

me by surprise.'

not inconvenient?'

'No. No. 'Perhaps

Not if I

the van and get

at

all,'

said Claire.

take a look at

it

and then

my gear?' He nodded

at the

I'll

go out

to

white minivan

parked outside the house. 'Great,' said Claire. 'Yes.

Good

idea.'

She led him through the house into the back garden

and pointed

at the eaves,

where both of them could

steady stream of wasps exiting and entering. Oliver a face. 'Yes, 'I

knew

it's

a nest

that,'

all

see a

made

right.'

she said a

little

impatiently.

'It's

why

I

called.'

'Sometimes people think there's activity 'I'll

but the actual

site is

get the extension ladder.

Maybe people

a nest because they see

somewhere

And my

else,'

he told

her.

protective gear.'

called pretending to have nests, she

thought, as her eyes followed his progress back into the house.

Maybe women

called

him out because they

254

just

How wanted to look

at

Will I

him. She could understand that. She

hadn't see a better-looking

you

liked the

Know?

Beckham

man

-

in years

if,

she conceded,

look. But could millions of

women

the world over be wrong? Bill

used to tease her about her support for the

Manchester United

over-rated, and she'd tease just a physical attraction

him back, saying

and that

wouldn't run off with Becks for

Bill

his

ex-

was highly

footballer, telling her that he

that

was

it

needn't worry, she

mind.

She couldn't believe that her heart was now racing

in

her chest at the thought of Oliver Ramsey walking back

He

into the garden. She told herself to get a grip.

looked

like

only

Beckham. Part of the man's appeal was

great six-pack abs and his just killed wasps.

skill as

She needed

a footballer. Oliver

his

Ramsey

of perspective, tor

a sense

heaven's sake!

He

returned to the garden carrying the ladder, then

went out again to get some more equipment. 'You'll

probably want to stay inside while

he advised Claire. 'They go

She watched

as

in a

trademark Beckham

hair, just

style. It

Claire walked into the kitchen felt

spray

like

this,'

his

head

below shoulder length, wasn't cut

face.

She hadn't

I

1

he put protective headgear over

and

His

a bit crazy.

didn't matter.

and

sat

on

a

high stool.

this since she'd first seen

a blond-

Wham! (Bill had shuttlecock down his

streaked George Michael performing with insisted that

pants,

George had shoved

though

Claire

a

had refused to believe him.

however, she conceded the

Later,

possibility).

The darker clouds of earlier were 255

rolling across the sky

O'Flanagan

Sheila

and suddenly the sun came out, washing the room with bright light. Claire

smoothie.

opened the

can't believe

I

she unscrewed the cap.

know

don't even

and passion

still

fruit ...

man was making

He

around the nest out and about

for

it

'Urn

.

.

.

.

.

just his looks.

it's

I like

already.

So

it's

And

pretty

she swigged a mouthful of banana

it,'

as

he told

he took off his headgear. her.

for a while because

all

'You'll see activity

the wasps currendy

be coming back. But they won't go

a big

one

there. Just as well

in.

you got me

you now.' meaning to

for a while,' said

opened her bag and took out her

do you up an

invoice,'

took a receipt book from

he

he wrote. She thought 'There you go.'

any problems give

it

purse.

said. 'Just a second.'

He

pocket and starting writing.

his

Claire noticed that he stuck his as

I

was very strange to know that any

yes ... I'd been

Claire as she 'I'll

.

And

her go weak at the knees.

will

you had

I'd say

do

man

opened the kitchen door

'That should do

to

course, that

it

a

she thought, as

about him.

he resembles a

meaningless. But

and took out

actually fancy this bloke.

I

a thing

Which means, of just because

fridge

Feel like this,

I

tongue out very slighdy

looked cute.

He handed her the invoice. 'If you have me a call. It's effective in ninety- nine

per cent of cases but there can always be one stubborn nest.

so

Not

it's

this time, I think,

no problem

to

but

'Great, thanks,' she said as she 'It's

a relief to have

'Can

I

ask where

it

we

offer a full guarantee

call.'

handed him the money.

done.'

you heard of 256

us?

Recommendation,

How Golden Pages, ad

Will I

Know?

in the paper?'

He

looked

her enquir-

at

ingly.

'A guy gave

me

your number,' said

'From the

Claire.

shop down the road. Taylor's.' 'Oh, Nate, yeah - he's a good bloke.' Oliver grinned.

florist's

'Any time there's

number.

a nest

He

glanced out

at

her garden. 'He could work wonders for you."

'I

haven't got

'He's supposed to be sending

'Not

it

me

a quote,' said Claire.

yet.'

him,' Oliver said. 'He's one of

like

life's efficient

men. Always on the go, always doing something.

him to slow down but

telling

—

no wonder

'

He

'Well,

you

not

it's

I

keep

in his nature.

It's

broke off and smiled, showing perfect

white teeth. 'Sorry, 'That's

my

where he's working he gives

get a lot of business that way'

I

I

rant a

bit.'

OK.' Claire smiled too.

I'll

be off then,' said Oliver. 'Hope

I

don't sec

again!'

'Would you - would you

like tea

or anything before you

go?'

Bloody a

hell,

complete

she thought. That's lame. He'll think I'm

idiot.

'You know, tea would be great,' said Oliver, 'but I'm

up to

my

neck

in

work

right now. It's

long to get around to your nest. So 'Never mind.' Claire had

now

I

why

it

took

me

so

have to pass. Sorry.

moved towards

the kettle

1

but

she turned back to him. 'Thanks again.'

'No

bother,' he said. 'And, like

a problem.'

'OK,' she

said.

257

I

said, call if

you have

Sheila

He

was carrying

O'Flanagan

ladder out of the house

his

when

Eavan's car pulled up at the kerb. She got out and helped

from the baby

Saffy

opened wide

seat.

Oliver smiled at her and her eyes

she too took in the resemblance to

as

Manchester's most famous footballer. Then she locked her car

and walked up

'Who was

Claire's gravel path.

white minivan drove

that?' she asked as the

away. 'Becks,' said Claire dreamily. 'I'm having an affair with

him.' 'Claire!' 'I

wish you were exclaiming

'Well,

I

guess

if

in

an envious way and not

remarked her

a don't-be-so-ridiculous way,'

you had to have an

Becks would be a reasonable

start,

affair

but

I

friend.

with anyone,

somehow

don't

think he'd be at your house in overalls and driving a van,' said Eavan.

'Drink, daire?' asked Saffy as she tugged at Claire's frayed jeans. 'I'm thirsty.' 'Sure thing, honey,' said Claire.

'Come

on, we'll go into

the kitchen.'

'Seven

Up

you have

for her if

at the doc's earlier, bit

OK now

but the Seven

Claire took a bottle

it,'

said Eavan. 'She

was

of a feverish upset tummy. She's

Up

always seems to help.'

from the cupboard and poured

a

glass for Saffy.

'Garden?' asked the

little girl.

'Actually not right now,' said Claire. 'A

man was

here

killing

wasps and there might be some out there which

would

sting you.'

258

'

How 4

Oh!'

Saffy's eyes

Will I

Know?

widened.

'You're not telling

me

that the footie idol was a pest

exterminator!' Eavan looked disappointed.

"Fraid

so,' said Claire.

Beckham

'If you're a

'But wasn't he a complete hunk?

fan.'

Eavan smiled

was always your thing, wasn't 'I

at Claire.

liked him.' Claire blushed. 'Regardless

about

affairs

and

stuff

'Which

it?'

of all that guff

always found him attractive. 1

I

Eavan laughed. 'So what's the story with the exterminator?'

'None,' said Claire.

'I

had

a nest,

I

gave him a

call,

he

came, he saw, he committed mass murder. Thankfully. 'Married?' asked Eavan.

'Honest to God, Eavan Keating!' But Claire's tone was amused.

'I've

no

idea. Besides, he's a bit

on the young

side for me.'

'Oh,

I

wouldn't think

by the laughter

like that.'

in Claire's voice.

Eavan was encouraged

'Glenn told

thought Mrs Robinson was one of the a

movie

ever.

He

never understood

ran off with Katharine Ross instead

me

sexiest

he always

women

in

why Dustin Hoffman of sticking with Anne

Bancroft.' Claire laughed. 'If only real I

rather think that our

more experienced than 'I'd

imagine

so,'

life

was

like that.

wasp exterminator

is

Anyway,

somewhat

the Graduate.'

agreed Eavan, 'with a body

like that.'

'Indeed.' Claire looked quizzically at Eavan. 'Not that

I'm not glad to see you or anything, but

I

didn't think

Your machine didn't confirm with mine.' She chuckled. She'd phoned Eavan

you were going to drop by

today.

259

Sheila

on her way

O'Flanagan

into town, wanting to let her friend

know

she'd gone shopping, but had got her machine instead

and hadn't bothered to leave return, her call

a

message other than to say

now out but she'd call again later. On her own machine had been blinking with Eavan's

was

that she

back.

Suddenly the

light

went out of Eavan's eyes and

Claire

frowned. 'Is

something the matter?' she asked.

'Oh,

it's

I'm kind of getting

stupid,' said Eavan. 'But

myself into a state over

it.

You -

When

sort of stuff, Claire.

know. You can see things

.

.

.'

good

well, you're

at this

She swallowed. 'Oh, you

clearly.

You

always could.'

Claire looked at her friend in consternation.

She

realised

now that Eavan's cheerfulness of earlier had seemed slighdy forced. She turned to Saffy.

'I

have a Little Mermaid video

she said. 'Would you like to watch

,'

it?'

'Yes please*' said Saffy.

down on

Claire settled her

with some more Seven

Up

the sofa in the living

and

a cookie.

Then

room

she came

back to the kitchen, where Eavan was staring out of the back window

at the

door and poured

tangled garden. She opened the fridge

fruit juice into

two

glasses,

then handed

one to Eavan. 'I've it

asked someone for a quote,' she

said.

'I'm getting

done.' 'Really?' 'Yes,' said Claire.

state it's in,

and so

.

.

'Bill .'

would be disgusted to

see the

She shrugged. 'What's the problem,

Eavan?'

260

How

Will I

'Actually, the real reason

Know?

planned to come today was

I

nothing to do with any problem

might have.' Eavan's

I

voice was determinedly light-hearted.

low-down on your date with him

for

about half a minute about

to Galway.

I

so,'

it

was to get the to speak to

He says he was heading off?'

my man-

'But given

said Claire.

handling experience, you 'Actually

it.

'It

managed

I

wondered had you frightened him

don't think

'I

Paul.

never know.'

She smiled.

wasn't a bad evening. But we'll always be

just

friends.'

'Was there

talk

of it being anything more?' asked Eavan

hopefully.

'No,' said Claire. 'But 'You're not

still

I

learned a

going on about

lot.'

Learning

that, are your

about men?' Claire shrugged.

'You don't

really

need to anyway/ Eavan told

Tfou

her.

were always dishing out the advice when we were younger

and sometimes

it

'Do you want

wasn't so bad.'

now? 1

advice about something

heard the underlying tension

come out with unasked-for stuff in the not sure how good I'd be at it any more.' have

'I

Saffy

.

.

'What

is it?'

asked Claire.

'No,' said Eavan. 'And

Claire,

room but

in the video.

Her

eyes widened suddenly.

'You're not pregnant again are you,

this time.'

might

I

past but I'm

Eavan's glance flickered to the living

.'

was engrossed

Claire

k

Eavan 's voice.

in

if I

was

it

is

that

it?'

wouldn't be

a

problem

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. 'God knows,

one unplanned pregnancy was bad enough

261

.' .

.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'You dealt with

said Claire.

it,'

had an abortion,' Eavan reminded her

'I

who

you're the only person

tightly.

'And

a lovely

baby

knows.'

'And since then you've met Glenn and had - don't beat yourself up over it, Eavan.'

'I'm not.' Eavan twisted her engagement ring around

on her

'I'm not.

ringer.

I

don't.

everyone wonders sometimes 'It

feel

was your choice

I

- well -

suppose

I

.' .

.

at the time,' said Claire.

'Ycu didn't

there was any alternative.'

maybe

'But

there was.

Maybe

I

didn't try hard enough.'

'Oh, come on!' Claire put her arm around Eavan's shoulders. 'Think back, Evs.

mum

was chronically

sick,

Remember how

you'd only

lost

it

was. Your

your dad a few

was hard. You were doing everything

years earlier. It

home.

It just

wasn't possible for you to have a baby.'

'Of

course,

it

have been very

was

a choice,' said Claire.

'And you helped me.' Eavan sipped her and

both.

Bill

would

possible,' said Eavan. 'It just

difficult.'

you made

'So

at

You were

fruit juice.

'You

great.'

'So don't feel guilty now,' advised Claire. 'I

never stop feeling

guilty,'

Eavan told

her. 'But I

don't

made the wrong choice. Only sometimes sometimes when things go wrong I wonder if I'm being think

I

.

punished for 'You

silly

Eavan nodded. 'Sure it

.

it.'

know how

thinking

.

anyway.

And

that I

don't you?'

is,

do. But

today

.

.

it .'

doesn't stop

me from

She told Claire about

Glenn getting up to see to Saffy and about finding him

262

How

Will I

Know?

with the empty glass of Coke beside him. She told her

about

behaviour over the past couple of weeks

his erratic

and the

fact that she

was never sure where he was or what

he was doing. She told her that they hadn't had sex

how

ages only she hadn't quite realised

And

long

it

in

had been.

then she admitted that she'd scoured the house for

botties of alcohol. 'Well,

whatever you're thinking,

this has

nothing to do

with you having had an abortion fifteen years ago,' said Claire firmly.

'But things

have,

think that

had

my

it's I

life I

going wrong,' cried Eavan.

have because

me and Glenn would've

a baby?

I

'All

got together

if I'd

wouldn't even have met him! And

him, Claire. You

know how much

help feeling that

it's all

under

the

had the abortion! You

I

love him. But

I

love

I

I

can't

And it's because of now for what did

threat.

me. Because I'm being punished

I

then.' 'That's crazy, Evs.' 'I

know.

I

know. But

I

can't help thinking

it

anyway.

'Do you really believe he's drinking again?' 'It would explain a lot.' Eavan bit her lip. ()h, k

I

hate to think the worst of him.

him by even

talking about

it.

And

find any drink in the house at

'But once

it's

in

I

all.

feel like

the fact

1

Claire,

I'm betraying is

that

I

didn't

But

your head you can't get

it

out,' said

Claire. 'Exactiy,'

Claire

Glenn

confirmed Eavan.

thought again about

in a bar.

But

if

'I

don't

telling

know what

to do.'

Eavan that she'd seen

Glenn and Eavan ended up arguing 263

O'Flanagan

Sheila

about drink and Eavan told him that Claire had beans,

might make things worse. Besides,

it

hot day and he could just

as easily

it

spilled the

had been

a

have been drinking

Bally go wan. 'I

guess you need to talk to him,' she said

'If I talk to

him

get

he'll just

finally.

defensive,' said Eavan.

all

'He'll think I don't trust him.'

'But you don't,' Claire pointed out.

Eavan sighed miserably. that at

would make him

work for him, but

can't think of anything else

'I

act that way.

know it's been

I

he's dealt with that before

—

'

stressful

Suddenly

she looked at Claire, her eyes wide with horror. 'You don't think he's having an

on, Eavan, you

have an

do you?'

affair,

'Glenn? Having an

Claire

affair!'

shook her head. 'Come

know how much he

loves you.

'You think

that,' said

Eavan. 'Every

think that. But in the end,

who

and

his affairs.

More

woman

wants to

knows?'

Claire said nothing. She'd suddenly father

He'd never

affair.'

remembered her had

particularly the affair that

turned into a long-term relationship with Lacey Dillon. 'So

it's

possible, isn't

but Claire was

still

it?'

Eavan waited

for Claire's reply,

gazing into space. 'Claire? Isn't

it?'

she

repeated.

She focused on Eavan again.

'Sorry,' said Claire.

Glenn didn't have

a

he could be having an

Eavan frowned. .

.

.

well

.

.

.

'I

affair?'

don't know,' she said

finally.

'But

maybe.' Her eyes were big and anxious

her face. 'Oh

'If

problem with drink, would you think

hell, Claire

-

yes! It fits, doesn't

264

it?

in

The

'

How

The "only

hours.

erratic

instruction

—

'Only ring him on

'He

Will I

Know?

me on

ring

mobile? What's that

his

and about

says that he's out

him

said Eavan, 'and not to ring

won't be there. Maybe he

a lot

all

because he

warning that Tin

a

looking for him. Perhaps he's having the

someone

at the office

and he's locked

in a

and doesn't want to be disturbed. And too!

it is

sluttiest

I

affair

with

room with

bet

I

her

know who

The engineer who works with them.

woman you

about?'

with busiru

at the office

wants

just

mobile"

the

She's the

ever saw.'

'Eavan!'

'OK, OK, not

slutty.

But she has big boobs and she

crams them into her overalls with the zip halfway down so that she looks like Pamela Anderson in a flicking catsuit .

.

.

and they

'But

all

fancy her,

know they

I

why would Glenn suddenly

do.'

be having an

affair

with

her now?' asked Claire. 'Because

.

because - oh,

.

.

her face with her hands.

wrong and

either a

it's

looked miserably

don't know/ Eavan covered

I

'All

know

I

woman

'And

at Claire.

is

that something's

or drink. I

Or both/ She

don't know what to

do.'

'You have to 'I

talk to him.'

whispered Eavan. 'Because either way I'm

can't,'

saying that there's something wrong.'

'But there 'I

know.

I

is

something wrong.'

know. Thing

is,

Claire,

I

don't want there

to be something wrong. Everything was fine

of weeks ago.

I

don't

know why 265

it

till

a couple

would suddenly change.'

Sheila

'Bill

about,

used to say that

it

O'Vlanagan

wasn't change you had to worry

was how you dealt with

it

said Claire wryly.

it,'

never listened of course! Look, Evs,

going on you have to find out what with

it

then.

if there's it is

'I

something

and we can deal

But while you're worrying and wondering

and beating yourself up about

it,

there's nothing

we

can

do.'

Eavan stared

at her.

who

'The one

said.

'You sound

like

fixed things for

the old Claire,' she

me when we were

younger.' 'I

didn't

fix

things for you,' said Claire. 'You did

it

your-

self

'You listened. You talked to me. You were

Only

sister.

my

non- judgmental older

Claire smiled at her.

what as

friends do.

much

We still

'We were

if I

haven't

made

effort as I should over the last while.'

a lot. I

'There's 'Well, I

no

it,'

gone

said Eavan. 'You've

worried about you.

I

suppose

I still

do.'

need.'

know! You have Paul Hanratty asking you out

for drinks even if calling

my older

friends, Eavan. That's

are friends. Even

'Ah, don't worry about

through

like

sister.'

just "as a friend"

it's

and gorgeous men

round to your house on the pretext of killing wasps,

don't you? Plus you've gone shopping for an exciting night out. 'I

Suddenly your

life is

Claire.

'And the wasp guy

because of his looks.

A

Dinner in the Dark

.'

of

on the up and

told you, the Paul Hanratty thing

it I

.

want to back

.

is

up!' is

nothing,' said

nothing too, just a shock

nice shock,

I'll

grant you. As for

She shuddered. 'Every time

out.'

266

I

think

How 'If

Will I

Know?

me and Glenn

goes pear-shaped with

it all

I

might

be joining you,' said Eavan dismally. 'It'll

work

out,' Claire

hope

sure as hell

'I

comforted

so,' said

1

her. 'Really

it

will.

Eavan, and went into the

room to prise Saffy off the sofa. The little girl had fallen asleep watching

living

lifted

the video. Eavan

her over her shoulder.

'She weighs a bloody ton!' muttered Eavan as she walked into the hallway.

no wonder

'It's

have permanent back-

I

ache.'

'Can you manage?' asked Claire me to - oh!'

as she

opened the front

door. 'D'you want

This time the poised over the

was

man bell,

standing on her doorstep, his ringer

was Nate Taylor. His blue-black

as tousled as Oliver

of looking boyish

it

be cut.

He

T-shirt

and ancient

he was

simply looked as though

was wearing baggy cargo pants,

much

hair

Ramsey's had been, but instead

trainers. Claire realised

it

a

needed to

loose black

suddenly that

and broader than she'd previously

taller

thought. Every other time she'd seen him he'd been carrying something or slouching so that she never noticed his height. 'Hi,'

he

ogise for

said.

it

'I

came with

taking so long.

our computer system and of hours to

fix,

but

it

I

the quote.

We

I

thought

only take a couple

it'd

took a few days.

know

I

simply written out the quote and pushed letterbox but

I

wanted you to

cient organisation. 'Right.' Claire

wanted to apol-

had some problems with

see that

it

I

could Ye

through your

we were an

effi-

Kinda backfired.' took the envelope from him

267

as

Eavan,

Sheila

O'Flanagan

carrying Saffy, stepped out of the front door. Eavan

still

raised an

eyebrow

as she

looked

firstly at

Nate and then

at Claire.

'This

my

is

friend.' Claire really didn't

know why

she

was introducing them. 'Eavan Keating - Nate Taylor. Nate's the one who's quoting for the garden.'

used to be

'It

'You could

The

a

in

sit

wonderful garden,' Eavan told Nate.

and be transported to another time.

it

scent of the flowers, the buzz of the bees

.

.

.

fantastic' 'I

can make

it

wonderful again,' said Nate.

briefly at Claire. 'Let

He

down

hurried

'Claire

me know

at

He nodded

the price works for you.'

the steps and out of the front gate.

Hudson!' Eavan

and looked

if

shifted Saffy

her friend. 'Another

on her shoulder

man about

the house?'

'Don't be ridiculous,' said Claire. 'Like he

said, he's

quoting for the garden.'

'How

is

it

that

men on

somest

you managed to get the two handdo your work?'

the planet out to

demanded Eavan. 'The wasp guy was gorgeous, but

so

is

the garden bloke.'

'Oh, Oliver 'I

I

is

don't think a walking

so!' Claire

shook her head.

dream. But Nate

is

'I'll

think he's a hunk,' said Eavan firmly. 'And

closer to

your

own

admit

just different.'

much

age too.'

'For heaven's sake!' Claire looked at her in amusement.

'Even

if

him on

I first met Phydough knocked him over and him. Then I walked into him at his shop and

he was

it

wouldn't make any difference.

the seafront and

nearly killed

broke a pot he was carrying.'

268

How 'And

after

all

Willi Know?

that he's

prepared to do your garden?'

still

Eavan's eyes twinkled. 'Sounds promising to me.' 'He's married,' said Claire. 'To the

new

down

florist's

'Oh

Eavan grinned.

well.'

Becks junior

after

girl

that runs the

'You'll have

to stick with

the road.'

all.'

'I'm sticking with

no

one,' said Claire.

Eavan laughed. 'You know, you're happier

of

a

But

I

all

sudden, aren't you?' 'Sort of.' Claire bit her

don't

know

'Maybe

lip.

'I

do

feel different.

why.' these sexy

it's all

men wandering

around.'

'Yeah, right.' She grinned.

'Perhaps you'll find one at that dinner thing. Perhaps you'll find

someone who bowls you

1

over.

'No.' Claire looked at her very definitely. 'No. That

won't happen. tive again.

was

'If

And

I

that

don't want

you met the

Claire if

can look

It's just

alive.

them.

I

at

men and

But to be honest,

right

I

I

can't ...

Bill

can't connect with

I

to.'

man?'

shook her head. 'There's no

there was but there

think they're attrac-

could do that when

right

man.

I'd

know

isn't.'

'You can't be sure of

that.'

'You only have one soulmate,' said Claire.

'Maybe. Shouldn't stop you from taking

a

chance

though.' Claire

shook her head again.

what Glenn

says.

'Call

You're not alone in

'Thank you.' Eavan kissed her friend

269

me. Let this,

me know

Eavan.'

lightly

on

the cheek.

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'Take care,' said Claire. 'D'you need a hand to get her into the car?'

Eavan shook her head. 'I'm used to it's

costing

me

it,'

she said. 'But

a fortune in visits to the chiropractor!'

270

Chapter 19

Buddleia (Butterfly Bush) - Tiny flowers in a variety of colours which attract butterflies. Failure to

gaunt

prune

results in

bare branches.

Summer returned event.

The

on

the day of the Dinner in the Dark

sky was a cloudless cerulean blue and the

temperature soared once more. Claire was tempted to Rosie and

tell

call

her that she wasn't going to bother with

the dinner at

all

into the city

and

because

it

was

far

too nice

a

day to head

room. But she didn't

a pitch-dark hotel

have the nerve to back out now. Instead she

sat in

the

hairdresser's salon (having suddenly decided that

she

should

really get

her hair done

going out) and agreed with her

had come to in her

tackle the threads

cinnamon

if

she was serious about that

stylist

maybe

the time

of grey that were appearing

tresses.

'You're lucky,' Avril told her as she mixed a colour. 'You

don't have

many

greys and they're hardly noticeable

anyway. But this will give you a

lift,

I

promise.'

Afterwards, Claire looked at herself in the mirror and

271

Sheila

O'Flanagan

smiled in delight at the soft colour which matched her

own it

but which had added highlights and glints to make

look

much

had trimmed her wayward

healthier. Avrrl

and thinned out some of the heavier parts of her

fringe

were more

hair so that her eyes

framed by her

She kept glancing as she

at

walked home,

herself that she

visible

and her

face

was

softly falling curls.

her reflection in the shop windows thrilled

was being

with the look but telling

really silly in thinking that a

new

colour and a more stylish trim were important in the whole

scheme of

things.

She gave herself an hour to get ready, spending more time than usual putting on her make-up. She'd never

been very good felt

at

make-up, though, and she somehow

that the ancient foundation

along with the

(still

and dash of eyeshadow,

bacteria-infested!) mascara wouldn't

do.

do justice to her lovely new dress and smarter hairThe weird thing was, she thought, as she sat on the

bed

in her

quite

M&S bra and knickers and struggled to varnish

her toenails, she was starting to get a

about the thought of going out.

It

little

bit excited

wasn't that she was

expecting to find a man, of course. But there was a there

all

out with the sure exactly

girls

and the potential of-

what potential was

a

maybe some-

tell

herself that

was nonsense, but the thought kept popping into

her head that

with

well, she wasn't

there, but

thing nice might happen. She tried to that

thrill

the same, of doing something different, of being

whom

friend.

It

maybe

there'd be

she might

click.

someone

A man who

was possible, wasn't 272

it?

at the

dinner

could become

Someone new.

How Someone who that she

didn't look at her and always be reminded

was Claire Hudson who'd gone through

tragedy in her

.

.

.

.

.

she nibbled at the corner of her

be disappointed

if

someone and she

didn't.

Locum

the other

badminton match!

And

It

was

dress

was hanging

opened the door and pushed

And

out.

ochre

silk

at

in

she'd

worn on

wear when she was feeling because

worn

it

It

wasn't a bloodv

late.

the wardrobe. She

her older clothes to take

their last

was

it

at

in

and unforgiving. But she'd

though

it

was

a little it

again, standing caressed by the

on her

tears prick the

mascara

it

was

as

Bill's

smooth,

though she was back there

on the balcony overlooking the

warm Caribbean

shoulder.

Damn

breeze,

it,

back of her eyes.

I

Bill's

sea,

hand resting

she muttered as she

felt

Not now.

My

can't cry.

will run.

a quarter to seven that evening,

were

uncom-

was

favourite dress too. She slid her fingers along the

flowing material, and

Jamaica

her slimmest and most attrac-

tight-fitting

that evening, even

evening

one she could only

fortable because of her pregnancy, because

lighriy

met

then she saw the other dress. The scorched

together. It had been her favourite,

tive,

she'd

a night out, for heaven's sake'

she'd better get dressed or she'd be

The mauve

knew

Libris girls

She put the fast-dry varnish on

the bedside locker and shook her head.

At

lip

there was the competitive element too. Claire couldn't

quite believe she was thinking like this, but she

it

a terrible

life.

And, of course .

Know?

Will I

still

stuck in

commuter 273

traffic

when most people coming out of the

Sheila

city,

O'Flanagan

and caught the 44A.

Claire walked to the bus stop

By the time she

arrived at the hotel

it

was nearly

a quarter

and the Locum Libris crowd were clustered

past,

in the

foyer.

'We thought you'd chickened spotted her there's a

The

champagne reception

tiny bar

Locum

out,' said Trinny,

who

'But you look great, Claire! Corne on,

first.

in the bar.'

was already crowded with people. The

Libris girls got their glasses filled

and scanned the

throng. 'I

didn't think there'd be so

Rosie. 'According to the thing

these was held in

about

New

many

people,'

commented

read over the net, one of

I

York recently and there were only

thirty.'

'How many would you

say are here?' asked Joanna.

'Fifty? Sixty?'

'Enough

for us

all

to snare someone, surely,' remarked

Petra. 'Hey, look, there's a real hunk!'

direction of a

guy wearing

She nodded

who was

a tux

in the

standing in the

doorway. 'I

think he's a waiter,' said Rosie.

'You're joking!'

'None of the men 'Bloody

hell.'

him when the

are wearing tuxes,' she pointed out.

Petra sniggered.

lights

go out

'I'll

just

have to dive at

so!'

'You're supposed to be talking to people, finding out

about their personalities,' Rosie told

her.

'Not being

shallow and going for looks.'

This time they

'Hope

all

giggled.

they're thinking the

274

same way,'

said Joanna.

How 'After

all,

Will I

Know?

who

I'm the imposter

lied

about her age to get

here.'

According to the website, the upper age

women

was

thirty-five (forty-five for

had muttered was ridiculously

Joanna had

sexist).

decided that since she habitually knocked

at least five

was no reason to change

years off her age there

for

limit

men, which Petra

time

this

And Claire, who was also the wrong side of thirtybut who hadn't noticed the age restriction at first,

either. five

had then decided that since she wasn't market for

a

man

didn't

it

much

really

matter

how

the

in

old she

was.

'That age thing the

so stupid,' said Trinny. 'You're by

is

most glamorous of

us, Jo,

and

I

guy eating out of your hand by the end of the 'We'll

all

tar

bet you'll have somenight.'

be eating out of our hands,' Claire pointed

out. She sipped her wine

and allowed her gaze to rove

women were Many of the men were attractive too, though there were a few who hadn't seemed to make much effort at all. Most of the women over the crowd. As she'd suspected, the

young, thin and very, very

had pulled out lines,

all

attractive.

the stops. There were plunging neck-

high-cut dresses and footwear that appeared impos-

sible to

walk

in.

much better in Her feet were

Not

that her

own

light sandals

were

the comfort department, she conceded.

already sore from the unaccustomed

height.

A

bell

tinkled

welcomed them

and the good-looking guy all

to the event, told

Chris, the organiser,

them

and announced that

275

it

in

the tux

that he

was

was time to

Sheila

go

in to dinner.

He

O'Flanagan

asked them to wait until they were

escorted to their tables.

Maroon-coated

waiters, wearing night-vision goggles,

appeared from nowhere and began leading people into the blacked-out dining room. 'Christ,'

muttered

Celia. 'We're in a

Cruise or Ben Affleck will

AK47s any

toting

'This way, 'See

you

CIA moviei Tom down the walls

abseiling

minute.'

madam,'

later,'

come

said a waiter.

murmured Trinny

as she

was led away

from them. 'I feel like

I'm going to the guillotine or something,'

remarked Petra

as she followed.

Five minutes later, Claire was escorted into the room. It

was pitch black with not the

entering. dark.

Somehow

slightest chink

she hadn't expected

She put her hands out

in front

it

of light

to be quite so

of her,

terrified

tripping ove*r a chair or walking into a table, and even terrified

of

more

of inadvertentiy touching someone. The waiter

guided her into a seat and told people that

this

was Claire

and to introduce themselves. Claire couldn't see a thing. She felt completely alone as

the darkness enveloped her. Even though she could hear the buzz of conversation around her, the loudest sound

was her 'Is 'I

name

own

anyone

heart

hammering

in her chest.

there?' she asked tentatively.

am,' said a female voice from the other side. is

Tanya.'

'Claire,' said Claire.

'Amy,' another voice said.

276

'My

'

How

Will I

Know?

'Are there any men?' asked Tanya.

There was complete 'Ah, crap,' said

'No.'

jumped

silence.

Amy. 'We're

at the

only all-female table!'

A male voice came from Claire's left and she almost six feet into

the

'I'm here.'

air.

"Cos

'Well you'd better watch out,' said Tanya.

if you're

the only bloke, you're in big trouble.'

There was another

around the

flurry

table

'Let's introduce ourselves properly,' said

and then

Amy. Til

shake hands with the person on

I'll

he can say

and Claire

more people had joined them.

realised that

his

name and

we'll

go round the

my

right,

start

and

table like that.'

'Richard.' 'Stella.'

'Cormac' 'Tanya.' 'Gary.' Claire felt a

her by the elbow. She grip

man

reach for her hand and catch

hand and shook

it.

His

and turned to the person next to

her.

felt

for his

was firm and determined.

'Claire,' she said

She missed

his

hand and poked him

'Ouch,' he gasped.

in the eye.

'Ollie.'

'And now you're back to me again/ 'Excuse me, madam.' their food.

around 'This I

said

Amy.

waiters had returned with

She put her hand out to the table and

felt

for the plate. is

absolutely ridiculous,' said Gary.

agreed to do 'Ah,

The

chill out!' cried

one of us

girls

T

can't believe

it.'

Tanya. 'Sure,

might take

all

if

you're really lucky,

our clothes

277

off!

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Now

you're talking!'

Claire wasn't sure

which of the blokes had made the

comment. 'Bit

of a waste when you'll never even know,' said taken mine

'I've already

'Really?'

off.'

She could sense Ollie turning beside her and

moved

reaching out towards her. She

helped him back into the

'OK, undressing nearly killed

you

'Hey, keep

'Sounds table,'

it

like

fell.

She

seat.

in the dark

not quite such a good

'Can lead to unexpected

said.

and he

slightly

toppled off his chair, grabbing her arm as he

he

Stella.

Claire ventured a joke.

idea,'

injuries. Sorry, Claire.

I

just then.'

easy over there!' called Stella.

the

good fun might happen

this side

of the

Gary chuckled.

'What the

hell

is

the food?' asked

Amy.

'Prawns,' advised Cormac. 'There's a sauce to the side. I've already stuck

Claire Ollie

my

ringer in

made another

it.'

effort to find her food. Beside her,

was keeping up a stream of

ural the

she was the one

who'd arranged

present and dared 'Is

finally

him

to

about

talk

whole thing was and how he'd

kill

him

this for

come along

.

how

his sister

.

unnat-

because

as a birthday

.

she trying to set you up with someone?' Claire had

managed

to locate her prawns and

her mouth. They weren't at pleasure. She'd

somehow

all

popped one

into

bad, she realised with

expected that the food would be

inedible but actually, in the dark, the taste

than she'd anticipated. She licked

had dribbled down her arm. 278

was even better

at the spicy sauce

which

How

Will I

what she doesn't

'Always,' said Ollie. 'But

I'm a

me

sensitive soul

are

all

Know?

women

and the

much much tougher

she

realise

tries

is

that

to find for

than me.'

'What

a load

Claire

was conscious of the different accents around

the table. soft,

of

bullshit!' Stella

laughed.

Amy, she decided, was from Cork, with her

languid tones. Richard was from the north of Ireland

- she hazarded

Belfast but she couldn't be certain.

and Cormac were both

definitely

Dubs, and

Tanya

Stella

had

the much-maligned Dublin 4 accent - the one where

people substituted the letter

'o' for

the letter

'a' in

speech

so that they took the Dort instead of the Dart and their

who

friends drove cors instead of cars. Mostly people

spoke of the Dort were

in

up

college, so Claire built

their early

a picture

of

twenties or Stella as

at

being

young and beautiful with caramel-streaked blonde hair. sounded plump and friendly. Tanya, she thought, would have red hair and freckles. Her imagined pictures

Amy

of the

men were

equally clear. Richard was thin, wore

and looked anaemic. Cormac would be big and burly. Gary - based on his handshake - would be tall and strong. And Ollie, on the other side of her - suddenly glasses

the niggling thoughts about Ollie exploded into clarity

The wasp exterminator with body of a god! Surely not, though. Not here. Beside

in her head. Ollie. Oliver.

the

her. In the dark.

The

voice was right, wasn't

she remembered.

And

called Oliver in Dublin,

be the same guy?

it?

Warm

and sensual

there weren't that

as

many people

were there? Could he possibly

What were 279

the chances?

And

if it

was

Sheila

O'Flanagan

him, would he remember her and

was

tell

everyone that she

a total imposter because she couldn't possibly be

under

thirty-five;

up to

he'd seen her

the cracks! She

fill

at

home

herself

felt

with no makegrow hot at the

thought. 'So,'

he said beside

don't have to

I

whoever

I

she spun

him

tell

want to a tale

'I

about being

realised.

own

a talent scout for a

about tracking

stories

I

can be

imagination,

model

down gorgeous

the streets.

wouldn't have thought you'd need to come to a place

like this,'

men

about yourself

by her

be. Surprised

agency and made up

young men on

me

her. 'Tell

him anything, she

he remarked. 'Your

life

must be

full

of gorgeous

already.'

'I'm not looking for gorgeous,' she said. 'I'm looking for

someone

interesting.'

'You see, that's just

of women

my

who

His tone relaxed.

it.'

'I

meet

lots

think looks are everything. Their looks or

looks.'

'Are herself.

on the

Was

you good-looking?' Suddenly

Claire couldn't help

She moved towards him and touched him

softly

face.

this

what

it

was

like to

be blind? she wondered,

as

down the side of his cheeks, around the softness of his mouth and back up the other side of his face. I don't need eyes to see him. And it's definitely Oliver Ramsey. I know it is. she traced her fingers lightly

'You have an incredible touch,' he whispered. 'Hey, hey! What's going Claire took her

on over

hand away from 280

there?' called Tanya. his face

and reached

How for her glass

Willi Know?

of wine, which she knocked over so that

it

soaked the tablecloth. 'Shit/ she muttered.

to

Tm

sorry, everyone.'

only took a second for a waiter to arrive and begin

It

mop up

the mess.

'Sorry,' she said again.

She

realised

her. It

was put

Ollie's face

had

in front

thumping

that her heart was

Touching

her chest. in

wasn't as though he could possibly fancy her, or

that again

.

.

.

But

just

touching someone

She shivered suddenly despite the

warmth of the room. The general conversation around tered into smaller ones. To her right and

of them. She in

up mixed emotions

stirred

that she could truly fancy him. like

were cleared away and

sat in silence as the starters

a palate-clearing sorbet

Stella chatting. Ollie

seemed

to be talking to Tanya.

Claire felt very alone in the dark.

touch of Ollie's hand on her

leg.

the table had splin-

she could hear Ciar\

But then she

loud but she didn't want to make more of a her breath. His hand

whispered, 'Sorry,

I

lifted.

felt

the

She almost shrieked out fuss.

She held

She exhaled again. Then he

was looking

for

your arm,' and she

began to shake with laughter. 'No,

really,'

he said anxiously.

I'm some kind of

'I

She talked to Ollie again for attention shifted to Gary, tion.

He worked

been involved

don't want you to think

perv.'

who

a while,

and then her

butted into the conversa-

in the construction industry

in the design

of some of the

known commercial developments. 281

But,

and had

city's best-

more importantly,

Sheila O'Flanajjan

he'd spent the

last

Kosovo helping with the

year in

rebuilding of the city there. Gary, in

more

nate, perhaps, that she

looked

like

and

ability stakes.

even thinking

was

a bit

a

much

unfortu-

was certain she knew what Ollie

that, therefore,

And

fact,

was

interesting person than Ollie. It

he was ahead in the desir-

then she shook her head

at herself for

like that.

By the time they were ready for dessert she felt as though known both of them for years. She deliberately hadn't asked Ollie about his job because she knew that she

she'd

wouldn't have been able to keep up the pretence of not

knowing who he was. She

realised that her heart

again because the lights were due to go

Even though she'd wished

all

on

at

was racing

any second.

through dinner that she

could see the people she was talking

to, she

now

felt

that

the darkness was her friend. In the dark she was Claire the

glamorous talent scout. In the

mum,

Georgia's

married to

When

light she

was Claire Hudson,

over the age limit, who'd once been

Bill.

the chandeliers flooded the

room with

light,

everyone blinked. Claire looked in astonished envy Tanya,

who was

practically a

Lopez; in admiration

at

at

body- double of Jennifer

Amy, who wasn't dumpy

at all

but had the body of Kate Moss and the face of a Vogue cover;

and

in satisfaction at Stella,

who

exactly

matched

her imagined picture of her. Gary was slightly overweight

but wasn't unattractive; Richard was thin with a cheerful

and spiky haircut; Cormac had Viking good looks; and Ollie - Ollie was Oliver Ramsey, just as she'd grin

thought.

282

How

He

stared at her in utter

didn't

'I

know you were

Know?

amazement. he said accus-

a talent scout,'

'You said you worked from home!'

ingly.

'Do you know each opened wide

eyes

Will I

at

other?' asked Tanya, her

them.

'I

huge brown

you know each

can't believe

other!'

there any reason talent scouts can't

'Is

work from homer'

asked Claire, unwilling to admit to everyone that she'd lied

about her job. 'Anyway, Oliver,

'You guessed

who

I

I

thought

it

was you. 1

How?'

was!

She blushed. She didn't want to say that

his sexy voice

was what had given him away.

'Come on, Claire! How did you know Oh, what the hell, she thought. 'I

it

was me?'

recognised your voice.'

'Sexy,'

Tanya told him. 'Very

'Absolutely,'

Amy

sexy.'

added. 'The best voice in the place.

And,' she added, looking

at

him wickedly,

'the best

body

too.'

Oliver looked pleased, while the other

and the It

girls

was

easier to chat in the light,

the conversation was lighter too, and to see

men looked grim

giggled.

somebody made you

less able

about themselves. But she was

still

thought

Claire, but

somehow being

to ask

able

them questions

enjoying the company

of everyone around the table and the sheer fun of being out with

new

people.

'Claire! Hiya,

walked by the

how're you getting on?' Trinny Armstrong table.

'Gosh, you managed to get some

good-looking guys here. Ours were

283

all

terrible.

Lovely

O'Flanagan

Sheila

people, definitely. But

no

lookers.'

She looked archly

'Good God, has anyone

Oliver Ramsey.

at

ever told you that

you're the spit of David Beckham?' 'Lots of times,' said Oliver.

'Very appealing,' Trinny said. She turned back to Claire. 'Listen, Claire, there's a

then clubbing with you

if

you

why

night of

it

for a drink

'I

don't think so, Trinny, thanks.'

not? Petra and Rosie are coming.

with

and

want to come? Bring Becks

like!'

She shook her head. 'Oh,

gang of us going

Do you

later.

Make

a

a bit

of

us.'

Oliver looked at her questioningly.

might be

'It

fun.' It

might, thought Claire. But

Locum

with the

Libris gang. It

it

wouldn't be the same

was much more

being with strangers. She looked

at

her watch.

liberating

It

was

after

eleven. She'd lasted the pace longer than she'd expected.

But quite suddenly she was

go on

tired

and she didn't want to

a drinking binge.

'Honestly,' she told them. 'I've

had

a great time, but

I'm heading off now'

'OK,

beamed

She

then,' said Trinny. 'Give us a call next week.'

'You don't have to

at Oliver.

know. You've obviously been landed

stick

with

at the

this lot,

boring

you

table.'

Oliver smiled at her. 'We'll see.' Claire got up.

'It

was great meeting you guys,' she

said.

'But I've got to go.' 'Claire!'

were

Richard looked at her in disappointment. 'We

just talking

together.

about Table Seven going for

You must come.' 284

a drink

How

Will I

Know?

'Thanks,' she said. 'Another time maybe. But not tonight.'

'Why doesn't everyone

give

'We can arrange

said Tanya.

me

their

phone number?'

a get-together again

some-

time.'

Everyone except Claire had come with

on

She scribbled hers

litde cards.

menu and

of the

and apologising

tore

a

their

them around

into strips, handing

it

numbers

few times on the back

for being so unprepared.

She glanced

at

She looked

at

the cards they'd given her in return.

'Amy Amy.

Pointer,' read Claire. 'Clairvoyant.'

'Really?'

'Absolutely.'

'So did you

demanded

Claire.

'Yes,' said

'So

know

why

everything about everybody already?

1

'Could you see our auras or whatever?

1

Amy. you

are

here?' asked Tanya. 'Can't

you

just

conjure up some bloke?' 'I

wish,' said

Amy.

'I

thought

would be

this

could see what people were

place to come.

I

having to look

at their faces.'

'And did you?' asked Tanya. 'What's 'Yours

is

warm and

litde sad. Richard's

is

content,' said

my

Amy.

like

aura

a great

without

like?'

'Claire's

is

a

vibrant.'

Claire blinked a few times.

A

sad aura. She didn't want

to have a sad aura. She wanted a confident one.

They

finished exchanging

numbers and she picked up

her bag. 'Are

you sure you won't come

asked Garv.

285

for a drink with us?'

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Should she go with them

Claire looked doubtful.

turning Trinny and the

down? After

girls

all, if

after

she'd got

through the whole dinner thing, surely she could manage to

go

for a drink too?

well with each other

What

Amy

'She's not ready,'

they

if

got on tremendously

all

and she was the only one

out?

left

told him.

Claire looked at her, startled.

'You

will be,' said

Amy. 'But not

tonight.'

Suddenly Claire didn't care whether her aura was sad

good

or not, or whether everyone else had a rollicking

time and she was the only party-pooper. She wanted to go

home. 'Great meeting you

she said. 'See you again

all,'

sometime.'

She walked out of the dining room and looked watch again. She might

now

felt

that

would have

make

just

hopping on

the

bus,

last

bus was, as the other

a

her

at

though she girls

complete let-down.

said, a

'Hey, Claire, wait a second!' Oliver

Ramsey stood beside

'You're going in

you'd

like a

lift

my

her.

direction,'

he

said. 'I

wondered

if

home?'

'That's really nice of you,' she told him. 'But I'm fine.'

'How

are

you getting home

'Bus, cab, walk

.

.

.'

then?' he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders.

'It's

only a couple of miles.' 'I

don't have the Killer

that's what's

Bug van with

bothering you.

I

have a

me,' he said.

She swallowed. The van would have been car,

though Oliver wouldn't have known

'No,

really,'

she told him.

'I'll

286

'If

car.'

be OK.'

easier

that.

than a

How 'I'd like to take

I

.

.

.

if

said.

she told him. 'Really.

can't stand

me

that,' she said.

just say so.'

'Honesdy.

just ...

I

don't

I

.' .

.

why down

'So

turn

you

if

not

'It's

offer,'

want to walk.'

'Look,

know

you home,' he

very nice of you to

'It's

But

Willi Know?

did you come?' he asked.

innocent offers of a

lift

you're going to

'If

home?' His eyes twin-

kled at her.

not the

'It's

'Come

lift

home,' she

on,' said Oliver.

said. Truly.'

walk with you

'I'll

if that's

what

you want.'

Why

not, she thought.

Why

guy, he's fabulous to look at

someone But

him

like

as they

in

my

.

the hell not? He's a .

don't

.

life?

turned into Amiens Street, Claire saw the

bus turning round the corner. 'Oh, look,' she to get

it.'

nice-

deserve to have

I

She kissed Oliver quickly on the

'Thank you. Thank you

for lots

'I

have

of his

lace.

said.

side

of things.'

She slipped off the dainty sandals which had become

more and more uncomfortable with every

step

and sprinted

across the road to the bus stop in her bare feet. 'Claire!' Oliver called after her. 'I

know

I

said

I

wanted to

walk,' she cried. 'But these

sandals are highly uncomfortable. You'd have had to carry

me.' 'Are

you giving me the elbow before we've even

started?'

he demanded. 'No!' Suddenly she laughed. 'No, Oliver. I'm just playing hard to get.'

287

Sheila O'Flanajjan

The bus

pulled up in front of the stop and she

on before he had time to looking after

it

as

it

reply.

hopped

But she could see him

trundled her back towards home.

288

Chapter 20

Brachycome (Swan River Daisy) - Multicoloured feathery foliage which can

Claire

resist

couldn't believe that an entire

by and that Living on her

it

own

was time

daisies on

drought.

for

month had gone

Georgia to come home.

hadn't been as awful as she'd feared,

although there had been days when the house had seemed unnaturally quiet and she'd missed Georgia's whirling

and out of rooms leaving daughter seemed

totally

of debris behind

without leaving something behind -

a scarf, a

her.

book, sweet

wrappers, her iPod; once Georgia had been in a

changed

in

Her incapable of being somewhere

a trail

room

it

for ever! Claire hadn't quite got used to the idea

of tidying up and not having few minutes

all

her handiwork undone

a

later.

But the main thing was that she had coped on her own. Whether it was by taking Phydough for longer walks than usual - especially on the sunniest days - or the fact that her

life

seemed to have got busier and more complicated,

the time had simply flown by.

289

Sheila

All the

O'Flanagan

same, she couldn't wait to see Georgia again.

She'd missed her laughter and her chatter and that she

was

there.

The

ping outside of her old

last life.

just

knowing

month had seemed like stepMost of her was happy at the

idea of stepping back in again.

So the morning

that Georgia

rushed around the house

out the cushions, wiping

was due back, Claire

in a frenzy

down work

of tidying, shaking

surfaces

and cleaning

up the bathroom while knowing that Georgia wouldn't notice whether the house was clean or not. She'd gone into Bill's surgery too, dusting

wooden

floor.

She wanted to

it

down and sweeping

talk to

the

Georgia about the

surgery.

Leonie O'Malley had offered to drive Claire to the station

once more and Claire had accepted, although every

time she thought about getting into the 4x4 she heart beat faster and her legs tremble. She

felt

her

knew that sooner

or later she'cl have to get help about the car phobia. Even

though she'd coped over the past couple of years without one, her reaction to cars was interfering with her

life.

Oliver

Ramsey hadn't called her since she'd rushed away from him after the Dinner in the Dark (not that she'd expected him to really). She knew that she must have seemed terribly offhand with him and she couldn't blame him for not contacting her. However, for her future life, even though she had no intention of having a car of her own, she needed to be able to fear.

sit as

a passenger

So she accepted Leonie's

looking forward to the

without going crazy with

offer even

trip to

though she wasn't

the station.

There was another half-hour to go before Robyn's

290

How mother would

Will I

Know?

Claire glanced out of the kitchen

arrive.

window at Nate Taylor and chewed the inside of her Not that she was worried about leaving him here, thought. She knew where he worked, after all. But had been

fanatical

the house.

It

on

their

in

difficult position,

he'd once

went missing then the

finger of

put everyone in a

would

Bill

about having people unsupervised

told her. If something

suspicion

lip.

she

naturally

fall

on whoever had been there

own. Even though the likelihood was that nothing

would go missing, or Georgia had

lost

it.

if it

did

Actually

it

was because Claire or concern was

Bill's

really

because of his medical equipment and the drugs that he kept in the surgery.

Things were different now, thought Claire,

as

she

watched Nate dig out the flowerbeds along the west- facing wall.

There wasn't anything worth stealing

any more. Nate stretched

his

arms over

again Claire couldn't help noticing

looked.

It

was

day of work

his first

how

in their

strong his body garden. She'd

in the

accepted his very reasonable quote despite

still

misgivings about him. But, she told herself,

have preferred anyone let

the garden

at

grow ever

all

to

wilder.

house

head and once

his

do the work

harbouring Bill

would

rather than

She opened the kitchen

door and walked outside.

The sun was warm and though

this blast

getting warmer.

It

seemed

as

of hot weather was even more scorching

than the heatwave prior to the storms.

Nate turned to look patio.

new

at

her as she stepped on to the

She was wearing the lime-green

tops,

and her

clusters

skirt

and one of her

of cinnamon curls were teased

291

Sheila O'Flanatjan

back into a lazy ponytail. Her eyes sparkled and her rosebud

mouth

smiled. Nate knew, because she'd spoken about her

fourteen-year-old daughter

when

she'd called

him to accept

quote for the garden, that Claire Hudson must be

his

her

late thirties.

in

But right now, with the sun glinting off

her curls, and wearing the happy-go-lucky

skirt

sandals, she looked at least ten years younger.

and

He

flat

stuck

the spade into the earth and smiled at her.

'How's

going?' she asked, stepping

it

'Pretty good,' he told her.

long. Like

said

I

'None of

when you phoned,

But

things up.

right

now

He

'It

had got

weeds

really messy,

very a big

me and we'd

speed

we're doing

Claire looked at the pile of

beside him.

to the lawn.

you wanted

if

design change I'd have people to help

on

this will take

OK as

wheelbarrow

in the

hadn't

shrugged. 'These things happen

it is.'

it?'

when you don't

have time.' 'I'm glad you were able to

fit it in.'

This time he grinned at her. 'Didn't want you to change

your mind. This

up to

its full

He

is

a lovely

garden and

and he seemed almost

it

'I've

he habitually wore

pleasant.

got to go out,' she told him. 'I'm picking up

my

hour or

so.'

daughter from the station. 'Fine,'

-

wanted to get

was so different when he smiled, she thought. His

face lost that harried, resentful look that

'I

I

potential again.'

It'll

take about an

he said. 'I'll get on with things here.' - well, I'll leave the kitchen door open,' she

um

told him,

'if

you want to make yourself

'You can lock up the house

292

if

you

tea or anything.'

like,'

he

said.

How

Willi Know?

'No.' Claire pulled at her ponytail. 'No,

You

fine.

it's

might need to use the bathroom

Nate grinned

Tm

sure

at her.

you

'I

have great self-con trol.'

you

have,' she told him. 'But I'd rather

had options.' 'Don't worry.' His voice was suddenly very reassuring. 'I

won't.'

He

picked up the spade again and thrust

deep into

it

the earth.

'Good 'So

soil,'

he

said.

my husband

used to

me,' said Claire.

tell

k

He was

a doctor, gardening was his hobby.'

Nate grunted

as

he pulled an enormous dandelion and

then tossed the weed into the barrow. 'Did you

'He

split

up?'

died,' said Claire shordy.

'I'm sorry.' Nate thrust the spade into the earth again.

'That must have been difficult for you.'

'Oh, I'm OK.'

'Were you married long?' 'Years,' said Claire.

'So did

I,'

Claire frowned. If

most

'We married young.'

Nate told

her.

his early forties, as she

must have been

in

'Glad

Nate was

her teens

it

worked out

for you.'

in his late thirties, or at

was pretty sure he was, Sarah

when he married

her.

'Not Sarah,' he added, noticing the expression on her face.

'My

first

wife. Felicity. It didn't last.'

'Oh.'

'I'm not actually very

good with women.' He smiled

wryly.

The sound of the

front

door

293

bell

broke through the

air.

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'That's

my

lift,'

said Claire, partly relieved because she

wasn't sure about hearing Nate's confidences, yet curious to

know more about

'See you,' said Nate.

He

him.

'I'll

see

watched her

she walked back to the house.

you

for a

Then he

still

later.'

moment

as

started digging

again.

She

sat in the

SUV, high up above

passenger seat of Leonie's

the snarling, snaking

traffic.

As soon

as

Leonie

matic gear into the drive position, Claire

felt

slid

the auto-

her heart begin

to race and her hands tremble. She closed her eyes.

Leonie didn't look

at

her but concentrated on the road

ahead, keeping up a constant stream of conversation about

what

a

good time Robyn seemed

fallen

to have had in the west

how great it was that she and Georgia hadn't

of Ireland and

out or squabbled during the entire month.

'I'm sure they fought about something,' said Claire, one

hand grasping the arm-rest on the passenger door, the other holding tight to the rim of her seat while she kept

her eyes clamped closed. 'Girls do, don't they?'

'Oh, Robs

is

very easy-going,' said Leonie.

'So's Georgey, I suppose,' said Claire.

'She's great, traffic lights

good job with 'Not

my

your Georgia.' Leonie stopped

and glanced

at Claire. 'You've

at a set

done

of

a really

her.'

just me,' said Claire. 'Bill

was

a fantastic

dad and

parents have always been very supportive. So are his,

though they're brother.

in

New

They keep

Zealand for the summer with

in touch,

Jessie quite a lot.'

294

his

though. Georgey e-mails

How know

'I

Claire.'

Bill

was

Will I

Know?

great, but

it's

'Let's face

it,

A

he was a busy, busy man.

everyone said so, but

totally

absorbed

working with him and looking

in

it.

still

closed and she was

rest

and

seat.

'You were

been

Her

.

.

.'

She

eyes were

gripping tightly to the arm-

You

really were.'

talk nonsense,' said Claire shortly. fantastic,'

complained about brilliant

great doctor,

And you were

'Then, after the accident - you know, you

fantastic, Claire.

'Don't

still

to you,

lights again.

Georgia

after

flicked a very quick glance at Claire again.

were

down

mostly

Leonie eased the car away from the

during

all

how

repeated Leonie. 'You never once

was and you were

unfair everything

when she didn't speak - if it'd know I would've cracked up.'

that time

me and Robyn

I

'You wouldn't,' said Claire. 'You'd have dealt with too, Leonie. Because

you don't have

it

a choice. You're a

mother and you've got someone depending on you and you

can't

.

.

wreck.' She

.

know sounds 'Well,

I

you

can't give in

opened one eye

and become

a quivering

for half a second.

'Which

I

daft right now.'

just

want you to know that

I

admire you

in

spades,' said Leonie as she drove into the car park at

Heuston

When

station.

Leonie had parked the

car, Claire

opened her eyes

properly and smiled faintly at her.

'You admire me?' she

keep her eyes closed on 'Yes,' said

Leonie. 'And

thing you do, then

I

said.

'The

woman who

has to

a simple car journey?'

God

knows,

if that's

the worst

admire you even more.'

Claire laughed, relieved to be out of the car at

295

last.

Sheila

'C'mon,' she

The

train

O'Flanagan

go and get our daughters.'

said. 'Let's

was pulling

in as they

Suddenly the platform was teenagers, spilling

from the

full

walked into the

station.

of squealing, shrieking

carriages,

pushing and shoving

and generally larking about. Claire scanned the crowd Georgia but

And

at first

couldn't spot her

among

for

the crowds.

then she saw her walking towards the barriers and she

caught her breath.

'Mum! Mum!' Georgia saw her too and waved. Robyn O'Malley beamed widely

as she

caught sight of Leonie.

Claire couldn't quite believe

towards

her. It

had only been

a

it

as

Georgia walked

month and

yet

to her that her daughter had practically overnight.

The long red-gold

it

seemed

grown up

curls that she'd left

Dublin

with were gone, replaced instead by a shorter, straighter haircut which emphasised Georgia's long, slender neck.

Her

jeans were hacked off at the

realised

bottom

what Claire

in

was the current in-fashion look, and she couldn't

help feeling that Georgia had probably

grown

a couple

of

inches too, because despite the fact that she was wearing

vibrant-yellow flip-flops (new, Claire noted), she seemed to tower above Robyn.

'Would you look

that

at the hair,'

muttered Leonie. At

thought she meant Georgia's, but then she

Claire

Robyn had had

hers cut too.

And

that

first

realised

Robyn's was

coloured with purple streaks. 'Hi,

good

Mum!' Georgia

to see

you

flung her arms around her.

'It's

again.'

'You too,' said Claire. 'You're looking great. I've missed you.'

296

How 'I

Will I

Know?

was looking forward to coming home

Georgia. 'Though to be honest lots

of friends and

with a text over her

'New

alert

.

.

had

oh, hang on!'

and Claire watched

Her

face.

.

I

at last,' said

a brill time.

Made

Her phone beeped

as a

slow smile spread

fingers tapped out a reply.

friend?' asked Claire.

new friends,' said Georgia. 'Come on, girls,' said Leonie. 'Let's try and 'Loads of

get out of

here before the car park gets too busy.'

They hurried

to the parked car and loaded their bags.

This time Claire got into the back seat beside Georgia.

She pulled her seatbelt across her

chest.

'You OK?' whispered Georgia.

nodded and closed her eyes. Robyn and Georgia talked non-stop all the way home. They raved about the house where they'd stayed, moaned about the amount of work they'd had to do, laughed at some of their memories, complained about the teachers Claire

and broke into Then,

after

fits

of unexplained laughter every so often.

Leonie had commented about their hair-dos,

they told her that they'd had them done for half- nothing

by a student hairdresser 'I like it,'

said Claire,

in Spiddal.

opening and closing her eyes very

quickly to look at Georgia.

'Though

it

makes you look

amazingly grown-up.' 'That's

and

curls

why

I

got

were very

'Not quite

it

done!' cried Georgia. 'Those waves

passe.

And you

got yours cut too.'

as dramatically.'

Georgia laughed. 'I

got the streaks 'cos

my

hair

297

is

so boring,' said Robyn.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

good time was had by

'So a finally

'Definitely,

Mrs H,'

'Thanks for the

lift,

even heavier than 'I

in

said

dunno

Robyn.

car.

'God help

when you

us,

Georgey,

this

went.'

why,' said Georgia. 'There isn't

much more

it.'

'I'll

car.

at

when Leonie

said Claire

Leonie.' Claire grunted as she hauled

Georgia's case from the is

all,'

pulled up outside the house.

see

you soon,'

Robyn

rolled

said

down

Leonie

the

got back into the

as she

window and waved

frantically

her friend.

When

Claire

had unlocked the front door, Georgia

hurried into the house.

'I

missed Phydough a

called over her shoulder to Claire.

remember me

'cos

dogs do, but

still

.

lot,'

she

T know that he'll Oh my God!' .

.

'What?' Claire followed her into the kitchen and then stopped. Georgia had wrenched open the kitchen door and

was staring into the back garden, where Nate Taylor was still

digging the flowerbeds. Because

it

had grown even

warmer, Nate had taken off the black T-shirt he'd been wearing

earlier

and was

now

clad in only his loose cargo

pants and heavy-duty garden boots.

'Who

the fuck

is

that?' asked Georgia.

'Georgia Hudson!' Claire looked at her daughter angrily. 'I

don't

know what language you thought was

while you were away, but forget

it

if that's a

sample of

OK to it

use

you can

right now.'

'I'm sorry,' said Georgia, annoyed with herself for

swearing in front of her mother. Parents were so pathological

when

it

came

to swearing, she thought. It was

298

How only a word, after

all.

Will I

And

Know?

she didn't use

it

that often

really. c

Hi

Nate dug the spade deep into the earth and

there.'

turned towards them. His torso glistened with sweat. Claire could see beads of it

on

on

the hair

tufts

around

out.

He

his chest. Slightly grey hair, she noticed, in

his pecs.

wasn't as beautifully like

Strong-looking pecs too. She breathed

wasn't absolutely gorgeous.

Beckham

at

all.

Beckham

Because

five.

With

Bill

was

she'd simply

it

should be.

It

way she hadn't

when you

different

This had hit her

tion.

why

it

wasn't a hunk.

Ramsey.

He

He

wasn't

But quite suddenly she found him unde-

niably attractive. Attractive in a ever.

He

as Oliver

grown

like a

fell

for

felt

man,

for a

someone aged

into feeling sexual attrac-

thunderbolt. She didn't

wasn't his looks.

It

know

wasn't his physique

(though he seemed even stronger and more powerful without the T-shirt). ality!

It

wasn't his personality - least of all his person-

But there was something about the way he was standing

there,

one foot on the blade of the garden spade, one

side

and

his face (there

was

a scar

slightly to

a

drop of perspiration

on

head

his

rolling

his cheek, she noticed,

down

deeper

even than her own); there was something there which made

mouth go dry and her mind go blank. 'Who the hell are you?' asked Georgia. 'Mum, who

her

this?'

She looked accusingly

and moistened her 'This

is

lips

at Claire,

with the

Nate Taylor,' she

tip

who swallowed

is

hard

of her tongue.

said huskily. 'He's

doing the

garden.'

'Dad's garden,' said Georgia abruptly. 'He's digging up

Dad's

stuff.'

299

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Tm

clearing

it

out,' said

of anything. Helping

rid

it

Nate

to

carefully.

grow again

'Not getting

really.'

'Why are you here?' asked Georgia. 'Why d'you think?' Claire was beginning to regain her lost composure, though her heart was hammering in her chest. 'I hired him to do the garden. Heaven knows we've talked about

it

for ages.'

'Why did you

wait

till I

was away?' demanded Georgia.

have liked to have a say in what goes on in

'I'd

'There was an opportunity for I

took

it,'

Mr

my garden.'

Taylor to do

it

and

said Claire.

They were interrupted by

a grey

and white whirlwind

which whooshed up the garden and threw almost knocking her off her

'Phy!' she cried in delight.

you doing, boy? Who's

itself at

Georgia,

feet.

'Where were you? How're

my favourite doggy then?'

to her knees and buried her head in the dog's

She sank

fur.

Nate and Claire exchanged glances. Claire looked away as quickly as possible,

back to Georgia.

'You should apologise to

Mr Taylor,' she said.

'You were

rude, Georgey.' 'Well, I arrive

man

home and

in the garden.

Georgia

as she

there's a strange half-naked

I'm entitied to be

a bit rude,' said

stood up again.

Nate laughed.

now! What the

Shit,

hell

is

thought

Claire. I

even

like his

'You're dead right,' said Nate. 'I'd be put out

were

He

half- naked

men wandering round my

reached for his T-shirt and pulled

'No need on

my

laugh

going on here?

it

there

over his head.

account,' said Georgia.

300

if

garden too.'

How

Will I

Know?

'Georgia!' Claire stared at her.

of half-naked blokes over the

'Well, I've seen loads

past month,' she told Claire calmly.

'I

mean, the

first

couple of weeks were scorching so none of them wore

any T-shirts or anything.

not

It's

that blokes

fair really

can wander round with no tops.

have strap marks

I

all

over me!' 'Right,' said Claire faintly.

'Are

you going to make

and the overgrown

it

said. 'It's

'You won't cut

down

'Only to cut

again?' Georgia looked

of the weeds

my

job.'

anything?'

'Nothing

back,' he told her.

it

be exactly

it'll

rid

stuff?'

'Of course,' he

promise you

OK

you going to get

directly at Nate. 'Are

like

you want

will go.

I

when [Vc

it

finished.'

She studied him

moment and

for a

then nodded.

k

OK

then.' 'Well,

I'm glad

time to

tell

'Mr

that's sorted,' said Claire.

Nate, I'm sorry that Georgia was so abrupt. her you were here and

I

I

Taylor,

didn't have

guess she was a bit

surprised.'

'No problem,'

said Nate.

'Well then,

let

I'll

you get back to

it,'

'Come on, Georgey. You've unpacking

T

don't have to do

'Quit fussing,

Mum.

'Fine,' said Claire.

Taylor would

like a

it

I'll

right now,'

said Claire briskly.

to do.'

complained Georgia.

be in in a minute.'

'I'll

put the kettle on. I'm sure

cup of

Mr

tea.'

'Actually, no,' said Nate. 'Water will

301

do me

just fine.'

Sheila O'Flanajjan

He nodded could

on the garden

at the litre bottle

up

that

fill

for

me

Claire took the bottle

and

filled it

about? she asked herself.

this all

suddenly feeling

.

.

.

feeling

she was feeling. She sat

.

.

.

'

If

you

it.'

from the jug of filtered

water in the fridge. Her hands were shaking. is

table.

again I'd appreciate

What

Why on

She had no

the hell

am

earth

I

what

real idea

down abrupdy on the kitchen stool. moment later and

Georgia walked into the kitchen a

saw Claire of her 'Are

her forehead resting on the

at the counter,

tips

fingers.

you

right,

all

'Oh, sure,

Mum?' Her

yes.' Claire

voice was anxious.

looked up and smiled.

'Just

hot

of a sudden.'

all

Georgia smiled too. think 'I

hope

know.

It's lovely, isn't it?

D'you

so,' said Claire.

'Only problem it's

'I

stay nice again?'

it'll

is,

it's

so hard to sleep at night

when

hot.'

Claire nodded. 'Plus,

Robyn

cope with to

that,

you know. Noise

made

a face.

at night.

'I

couldn't

I'm not used

it.'

'How

did you manage?'

'Well,

once

of the time to

snores.' Georgia

I

I

phoned

put on

you.' Georgia grinned. 'And a lot

my

earphones and listened to music

drown her out.' 'Good thinking.' 'That's

why I'm

looking forward to going to bed

tonight,' confessed Georgia. 'I'm a bit tired but not that

knackered.

I just

want

a quiet night.'

302

How

Know?

Will I

nodded.

Claire

'Will I take that

out to him?' asked Georgia.

'Huh?' 'The water. Will

I

take

out to the gardener?'

it

'Sure.' 'I

got a shock/ said Georgia, 'when

knew

around 'I

Dad of course

wasn't

it

but

I

digging the garden.

a bloke

understand,' said Claire.

'I

I

saw him there.

couldn't get It

threw

my

me

I

head

a bit."

should've told you.'

'He's kinda cute.' Georgia's eyes sparkled.

'No

he's not!'

'Ah,

Mum,

of course he

is.

For an old man anyway.

1

'Georgia Hudson! He's not an old man. He's around the same age as me.' 'As

I said.'

Claire

Georgia grinned. 'Ancient.'

made

'Do you

a face at her.

like

him?' asked Georgia.

'For heaven's sake, Georgey, he's doing a job for us, that's 'I

all.

And

he's

OK,

but a

thought that he looked

bit abrupt.'

at

you

funny,' said Georgia.

'What?'

'You know. Like he fancied you.' 'Right, Georgia.' Claire stood up.

'I

don't

know what

kind of hormonal world you've been living in while you've

been away, but I

Mr

Taylor certainly doesn't fancy me.

And

don't fancy him either. As a matter of fact he's married.

So even

if

we

fancied the socks off each other,

it

would

be irrelevant.'

'Oh,

I

dunno.' Georgia shrugged. 'People have

'Georgia!'

303

affairs.'

Sheila

Georgia laughed.

O^Flanagan

'Chill out,' she told Claire.

'I

was

just

winding you up.'

Well

don't,' said Claire. 'I've

'No you

'Every day with you let

Georgia

had

a

hard day.'

haven't.'

know

is

a hard day.'

she was joking.

304

But she smiled to

Chapter

21

Anaphalis (Pearl Everlasting) - Rapidly spreading leaves

and

silvery

large clusters of small white starry flowers.

Can

be dried.

Later

that evening, after

Nate had gone and both of

them had wandered round his

the garden to check out

handiwork, Claire broached the subject of Bill's surgery

with Georgia. 'I

wondered,' she said slowly 'whether you might

table,

like

as they sat at the patio

to have

it

as

your

own

space.'

Georgia stared

at her.

bedroom is small,' continued Claire. 'You have a of stuff in it. You could probably do with a bit more

'Your lot

room.' 'But - downstairs?' Georgia said slowly. 'The surgery

and the waiting room? There's like a flat 'I

of

my

a separate entrance. It'd

be

own.'

wasn't quite thinking

thought maybe you might

like that,' like

305

admitted Claire. T

the surgery part as a den,

Sheila O'Flanajjan

you know. You could keep your own bedroom

move

downstairs, whichever you

room

the waiting

really do.

But

too.

And .

.'

.

She peeped still fell

down

about sleeping

if

it

'OK,' said Claire.

'Of course it's

'I

room

from under the newly

at Claire

into her eyes. 'But I'm not sure

there. You're right. I'd be a bit cut

it's

I

could be in

'If that's

know,

'I

what

my own

what you'd

I'd like.' Georgia

really naff to think

but - well, you

Mum! We

your

room.'

like.'

beamed

own mother

at her. is

cool,

are.'

Claire smiled. 'I'm glad

'One of the guys family.'

her.

into a guest

be there. Otherwise

bet

Georgia told

bedroom with two beds and Robs or someone came for a sleepover we could

could make

then

or

it is

all.'

space,'

Suddenly her eyes brightened.

off.'

as

could convert

think you should convert the waiting

I

cut fringe, which

'I

that's

my own

love the idea of

'I

We

bedroom, no problem. You'd be

into a

from me,

a little cut off

like.

you think was

at college

Georgia blushed

so.'

telling

me

about

slightly as she spoke. 'His

his

name's

went backpacking or something this They sent him to summer camp to get rid of him. They sound awful. I told him about you. He said you Steve. His parents

year.

sounded

great.'

'Georgey-girl you,' she said

but 'I

it's still

know

.

.

.'

Claire stopped.

finally. 'I

my

do my

'Georgia - thank

best. It's

not always great,

best.'

that.'

Georgia smiled

at her.

'And

I

know

that

by next week we'll probably be fighting about something.

But tonight you're

great.'

306

How

Will I

She stared out over the garden.

Claire laughed. 'Good.' C

I

have something

Know?

else to tell you.'

'What?' Georgia looked anxiously at her.

about Gran and Gramps.'

'It's

'What about them?'

Con and

Claire told Georgia about part.

She

also told her

Eileen's decision to

about Con's relationship with Laccy

Dillon, although she didn't say that her father had had affairs

with other

women

before her. Georgia said nothing

Con and

while Claire explained that both

was the right thing

them

for

'Poor Gran,' said Georgia

'Poor Gramps too. together

all

that time

when

them

to split now. But

'Well, there's

no point

just for the sake

of

it,'

felt this

she'd finished speaking.

much

fun being

they didn't love each other.'

'Though

'No,' agreed Claire. for

when

can't have been

It

Eileen

to do.

I

in

it

seems

understand

them

a bit crazy to

me

it.'

staying with each other

Georgia said

practically.

'I

mean,

they might as well have a bit of happiness, don't you think?'

'Oh,

sure,' said Claire.

when your gran daughter.

'I

'I

guess

I

was taken by

thought you'd be upset.'

'Why?' asked Georgia. She sighed. 'Well bit.

But I'm upset

for

me,

is

I

guess

I

am

a

that things aren't going to be

the same. I'm not upset for them.

sad that Gran

going

surprise

told me.' She looked curiously at her

selling the

They want

house

in

to

do

Dundalk.

I

it.

I'm

loved

there.'

'I'm sad about that too,' said Claire. 'I'm a bit dazed by

Gramps having 307

a

new woman,'

O^Flanagan

Sheila

admitted Georgia.

'I

mean - how

old

is

he,

Mum?

It's a

bit gross, isn't it?'

'He's in his

'But that

sixties,' said Claire.

isn't

so old

these days.'

Georgia snorted.

'Though sixty

is

I

who

suppose for someone

thinks forty

is

old,

decrepit!' Claire grinned at her.

'Well if it's not old then he's entided to have someone,'

Georgia

'But sixty- something sounds pretty ancient

said.

to me. You'd think he'd be a bit

beyond

it,

wouldn't you?'

'Georgia Hudson!' But Claire suddenly found herself

gripped by a

fit

of giggling.

'What?' Georgia giggled too. 'You're - you're - irrepressible.'

'Thanks,' said Georgia.

'I

don't

know what

that means,

but thanks.'

'Look her

feet.

it

up

in the dictionary,' said Claire as she got to

'Now come

on, honey.

It's

savaged by the midges. Time to go

getting

late.

I'm being

in.'

Neither Claire nor Georgia was awake early the following

morning. In

fact

it

was the sound of the front door

that dragged Claire out of a deep

and dreamless

sleep.

bell

She

stumbled out of bed and pulled her long T-shirt over her

head before going downstairs to answer a crack

it.

Nate Taylor was standing there, dressed shirt

She opened

it

and peeped out.

and long

shorts.

temperature already

The

in a white T-

sky was clear blue and the

rising.

'I'm sorry,' said Nate.

'Am

I

308

too

early? I

wanted to get

How started as

soon

Will I

as possible.

I

to

come back

'What time

didn't realise

and tousled

at Claire's sleep-filled eyes

me

Know?

.

.

hair.

.'

He

looked

'D'you want

later?'

is it?'

she asked.

'Half-eight.'

She blinked the

yawned and rubbed her

eyes.

'I'm terribly sorry,' she said. seven!

She couldn't remember

in astonishment.

time she'd slept past six-thirty in the morning. She

last

guess

I

I

him walk through

and

let

you

like a

thought

'I

Come

just flaked out.

it

was about

She stood back

in.'

the hall to the kitchen. 'Would

cup of tea or anything?' she asked

as she

unlocked

the kitchen doors.

'No up

had

thanks,' he told her. 'I've

been

breakfast. I've

for ages.'

Claire suddenly

remembered

nothing but a T-shirt, even

if it

that she

'I'd better get dressed properly,' she said.

and she

started to beat faster again

was wearing

did reach her knees.

felt

Her

heart had

the colour

rise in

her cheeks.

mind me,' Nate

'Well don't

He

told her.

walked into the garden. She went

How

come

the hell was

she was finding this

it

'I'll

get to work.'

upstairs.

man

so attractive?

What

about him - or about her? She hadn't liked

him

the

him

to quote for the garden and then was unable to turn

first

time she met him; she'd

felt

obliged to allow

down what was a very reasonable price; but she hadn't wanted him here

really.

Now that he

was here, though, she couldn't

keep her eyes off him. She swallowed hard. Was they meant

when

they talked about

309

lust?

this

what

She knew that she

Sheila

was lusting

after

O'Flanagan

him. Already she was imagining him without

his T-shirt again,

body

into hot

and sweaty,

sex to be

rough and

glistening with sweat.

for heaven's sake!

ready.

She

liked the

And

she wasn't

She didn't

like

her

whole sensual thing

with candles and soft lighting and cool fresh sheets.

She shivered. Three felt

years.

Three years and she hadn't

the slightest desire to have sex with anyone.

she was thinking about

what was worse,

it

a bloke

And now

with a bloke she didn't

who was

like,

married to someone

and else.

There must be some kind of neurosis there, she told herself as she

walked into her bedroom.

Definitely.

on the edge of the king- sized bed and looked at the picture of Bill on her bedside locker. It was her favourite picture of him, taken on the beach in Dollymount She

sat

the year before the accident. They'd gone for a walk one

evening in early autumn.

It

had been glorious when they'd

out but the clouds had suddenly rolled

set

in across the

bay and the wind had whipped up so that the waves were ,

white -tipped and frothy behind him. The sea was spectacular Bill

and Claire had taken out the camera-phone that

had bought her

the sea behind

was smiling

at

him

for her birthday in a casual,

and snapped him with

unposed photograph.

He

her in the photo, but not the smile of

someone who knows they're being snapped, the smile of someone who's sharing a joke. She reached out and picked up the photo in its silver frame. Suddenly she wasn't lusting after

Nate Taylor any more.

'There'll never be

she held

it

anyone

else,'

to her cheek. 'Ever.'

310

she whispered softly as

How It

was nearly three hours

Will I

later

Know?

when Georgia emerged from

bedroom and padded downstairs. She glanced out of the kitchen window at Nate Taylor and then frowned as she wondered where Claire was. Sounds from the surgery made her walk back through the hall and down the stairs her

to the basement area.

was peeling old notices off the walls of the waiting

Claire

room. 'Need

a hand?' asked Georgia.

'Oh. So you've 'I

Claire grinned.

were

finally

got out of bed.'

told you,' said Georgia.

totally

'I

looked

got no sleep

'I

in

Gal way/

on you an hour ago. You

in

out for the count.'

'I

know,' said Georgia. 'But I'm up now.'

'I

was thinking that we could walk down to Kdge's

Corner and get some

paint,' said Claire.

'The walls need

painting both here and in the surgery.'

'D'you mean we have to do stuff

'Not

if

you don't want

going to have a den if

the other

want

all

that before

I

can bring

down?' Georgia sounded disappointed.

room

is

it

to,' said Claire.

might

as well

going to be

'But

if

you're

be a nice one.

a sleepover

room

And

you'll

that to be nice too, won't you?'

Georgia nodded. 'Can

'Of course,'

I

said Claire.

daughter. 'More or

less.

choose the colours?'

Then

No

she looked sternly at her

black or violent purples or

anything.'

'You're all

no

fun,' said Georgia, but she

winked

at Claire

the same.

The hardware and

paint shop was a fifteen-minute walk

311

Sheila

O'Flanagan

away. After Georgia had washed and dressed they

Nate Taylor working the paint.

in the

garden and

The sun scorched down from

left

out to get

set

the cloudless sky

and Claire wished she'd slapped some sunscreen on to the back of her neck. As they walked past her favourite coffee shop,

where the

tables

on the pavement outside

were taken with people enjoying the warmth, she suggested to Georgia that they get an

on the way back. Georgia nodded a ton,' she

back for a Claire

happily.

it

in agreement. This

didn't matter at

thought. For most

much any more. She

enough

to the city centre to be

or the Dart. But lugging

of

up

bits

home

and

pieces;

and she

lived

happy to use the bus

five-litre tins

of paint was

a chore.

'That's the florist's

Georgia

as

a tug

where our gardener works,' she told

they passed Taylor's. Claire could see Sarah

inside, threading felt

did her on-

Tesco and there were plenty of conven-

furniture of appliance stores always delivered;

a bit

weigh

was the one time that

real nuisance, she

ience stores nearby where she could pick

close

will

rest.'

nodded

shopping

line

'Cos a can of paint

breakfast

pointed out. 'We'll have to stop on the way

not having a car was a things

'

all -day

of guilt

stems into a green oasis for at the

a display.

knowledge that she'd had

She

a fantasy

about the other woman's husband. But there was no harm done, she thought,

as

they walked briskly by. Sarah would

never know. Neither would Nate.

mad

fit

of passion

now

And

she was over that

anyway.

Georgia chose a vivid yellow paint for the surgery walls

312

How and

Will I

Know?

Claire, despite thinking that

it

would dazzle her every

time she walked into the room, went along with her daughter's selection.

They paid

brushes and then set out for

As they quickly.

and

tables, so Claire

Georgia ordered the

for

new

again.

arrived at the cafe, a couple of girls got

one of the outside it

for the paint

home

up from

and Georgia nabbed

full Irish

breakfast of bacon,

sausage, egg and tomato, while Claire chose a toasted bagel

with cream cheese and salmon. Georgia looked

at

her with

interest. 'I

haven't seen you tuck into anything

she said.

'I

thought you'd become

'I'm starving,' Claire told her. 'And to keep our strength up. That paint I

like that in ages,'

a fruit freak.'

we need something

is

even heavier than

thought.'

Georgia's mobile beeped and she checked her message.

The phone beeped

She smiled and

replied.

replied again. It

beeped once more.

'Oh

for heaven's sake!' cried Claire. 'Talk to the person!'

'We're done now.' Georgia closed the at

again. She

flip

top and smiled

her mother.

'Who was

it?'

'A friend.'

'What

T

friend?'

don't ask you those sort of questions,' said Georgia.

Claire

shrugged and turned her attention to her bagel.

She'd been telling Georgia the truth when she said she

was hungry. She could

actually feel her

she lifted the food to her

lips.

313

mouth water

as

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Although Georgia had

said that she'd help with the

painting, she got bored after about half an hour and

decided to take Phydough for a walk instead, leaving Claire to continue

- in

on her own. The surgery wasn't

fact Claire

a big

room

was beginning to think that even with doing

both the surgery and the waiting room they'd bought too

much paint. Decorating had been

She sneezed

as a

Bill's

far

thing, not hers.

drop landed on the end of her nose and

decided to take a break. Ideally she would have loved to

go out into the garden, but Nate was clearing

still

digging and

up and she didn't want to disturb him. Nor did

she want to feel disturbed by him. Instead she climbed the stairs

to Georgia's

room

to appraise

daughter had accumulated and

how

how much

stuff her

would

into the

it

fit

surgery space. Georgia's small

bought her

wooden

desk, which Claire and Bill had

for her tenth birthday,

was piled high with

books and papers. Her clothes, which she was meant to have unpacked and put away, were scattered around the

room. The chest of drawers was crammed

full

of tops and

blouses and underwear while Georgia's Clearasil creams

and Boots 17 make-up

littered the

top of it. Claire sighed

deeply. She'd tidied the

room when Georgia had gone

summer camp but now

it

had never been away

at

as

to

though her daughter

all.

Which, she told herself not entirely a bad thing.

Then

looked

as she It

went to

leave again,

was

was nice to have her back.

she swore shortiy as she knocked against one of the

books on the desk and brought a variety of them tumbling to the floor, including Georgia's diary. Claire found

314

it

How extremely cially 'I

not to

difficult

when

through the pages, espe-

flick

of paper

a folded piece

won't read the

Know?

Will I

diary,' she said

fell

out.

out loud.

C

I

absolutely

won't.' But she couldn't help unfolding the paper and

glancing at

it.

REQUIREMENTS FOR MUM'S BOYFRIEND 1.

Reasonably good-looking (no facial hair/back hair/not too

much

chest hair).

2.

Clean (fingernails

3.

Not patronising (no heavy

4.

Money Kids

sighs

when I say something).

(not rich but well off enough not to freak about

price of 5.

especially/also ears).

CDs/DVDs/phone

(this is difficult.

cards).

Good-looking son might be inter-

esting tho). 6.

Interests

- music/history/sports (but not bloody

foot-

ball) /fashion (but not pervy). 7.

Car - something flashy. Claire stared at the

list.

Did Georgia think she had

boyfriend? Did she want her to have

worried that Claire would

slighdy. Perhaps

it

was

it

a joke.

the same.

315

boyfriend?

Was

a

she

looking for someone new

start

to disrupt their lives? She read

a

through again and smiled

But

it

wasn't a bad

list all

Chapter 22

Pyracantha (Firethorn) - Tough and hardy, masses of small flowers. Red,

white or yellow berries.

Wear gloves when

pruning.

Eavan

still

hadn't had her serious talk with Glenn. She

hadn't been able to work herself up to

weekend. Glenn had suggested

a

it

over the

barbecue on Saturday

afternoon and had invited the neighbours from either side. It

had been fun and Eavan had noticed that Glenn

drank nothing but chilled mineral water if

anyone had overindulged in alcohol

it

all

day. In fact

had been herself

and Ruth Gorman from next door, who'd demolished

a

couple of bottles of Chardonnay between them. Which

was the main reason why she hadn't managed to talk to Glenn on the Sunday - she was the one with the hangover.

On Monday

morning, feeling more

alert,

she went to

the supermarket and pushed her trolley around the

When

aisles.

she returned to the car with Saffy she shrieked in

annoyance

at the

sight of the fresh scrape along the

316

How

Will I

Know?

passenger door. This was the second time someone had

damaged

their car in the

supermarket car park and hadn't

had the decency to own up.

The

scrape was superficial. She checked

she got home.

It

whether Glenn would rather she booked for a

touch-up or whether

easy to get

done by

it

it

again

when

could Ve been worse. She wondered

a

her brow as she tried to

it

bodywork recall

in to the

it

would be

specialist.

garage

quick and

just as

She furrowed

whether Jim Trench,

a friend

of Glenn's, did paint jobs or engine jobs. She picked up the

phone and pressed speed -dial

'Trontec,

Mary

Eavan grimaced. She'd mobile

his

how

speaking,

far Glenn.

can

Glenn now preferred.

as

system had been automated

like

so

I

help you?

company

dialled the

1

rather than

Trontec's phone

If

many were

these days

(and which drove her insane) Eavan would'vc hung up.

But since for

a real

Glenn

person had answered she didn't. She asked

instead.

'Glenn Keating,' said the receptionist voice that so 'Sales.'

many of them The

girl

company and wasn't

T'm

singsong 1

Eavan decided not to point out that Glenn was a

senior sales executive.

to the

in the

used. 'Which department?

sorry,

I

on

the

phone was dearly new

familiar with

all

the staff yet

name in front of O'Connor and Stephen

don't have that

'He works with

Jarlath

me.' Lkftdd,'

said Eavan. 'I'll

put you through to

clicking a button.

to bother, that she'd get it

was too

Jarlath,' said the receptionist,

Eavan had been about to

tell

her not

Glenn on the mobile, but now

late.

317

Sheila O'Flanajjan

O'Connor.'

'Jarlath

'Hi, Jarlath,

Eavan Keating,' she

it's

said.

'I'm sorry to

me through

bother you. The receptionist put

number. She's obviously new.' 'Urn - yes, right. How are you, Eavan?

How

to your

are things

going?'

'Oh,

she said lighdy. 'Listen,

fine,'

is

Glenn

there?'

'Urn - Glenn? Here?' Eavan.

'Yes,' said

him.

It isn't

and

a lot

I

wanted to check something with

'I

important

really. I

know

he's out

and about

should've called the mobile, but

I

hit the

Trontec number by mistake.'

was

Jarlath 'Jar?

You

'I

.

.

.

silent.

there?'

But why

yes, Eavan.

you ringing here

are

for

Glenn?'

'Why

not?' asked Eavan. 'Doesn't he

office at

all

There was another Is

'Jar?

come

into the

these days?' silence.

something wrong?' Suddenly Eavan

felt

anxious.

Eavan

'Well, look,

.

.

.'

His voice

'What?' she demanded. 'I

don't think

going on,

it's

—

up to me to

demanded

'What?' she

trailed off.

again,

more

fiercely.

'What's

Jarlath?'

'Well, Eavan,

it's

just that

-

I

can't believe

you don't

know already.' 'Know what?' 'Ah

.

.

.

it's

.

.

.

Glenn doesn't work here any more.' 318

How

Will I

Know? word with

'What?' This time she spoke the

bewilder-

ment. 'What are you talking about?' 'I

thought ...

I

didn't think ...

I

expected

.' .

.

'Jarlath!'

'Look, Eavan, Glenn was

let go,'

said Jarlath rapidly.

'There was an issue about sales targets. He's

'You mean he was

'Not

fired.

Just - well, let go.' Jarlath

uncomfortable. 'Eavan, I'm sorry.

know

left.'

asked incredulously.

fired?' she

I

sounded very am.

really

I

didn't

that he hadn't told you.'

'But he's going to work,' she said. 'Every day.'

'Maybe 'So 'I

he's got another job,' suggested Jarlath.

why wouldn't

he

tell

mcr'

don't know.'

Suddenly Eavan wanted to be

hand

receiver tightly in her 'I've

sick.

She gripped the

as she felt herself sway.

got to go,' she said abruptly and hung up.

She staggered into the kitchen, followed by Saffy 'I

want ice-cream!'

'In a minute.'

cried the

Eavan

'Now.' Saffy tugged 'I

said in a minute.'

'I

want ice-cream!'

sat

at

little girl.

down

her

at the table.

skirt.

'For crying out loud, Saffy, didn't you hear me!' shouted

Eavan. sit

'I

said in a

down and

minute and

Saffy's blue eyes

opened wide

mother's voice. Then they

filled

'And don't bloody bother spoiled,

that's

what

I

meant.

Now

be quiet.'

you know

at the

with

harshness of her

tears.

crying,' said Eavan. 'You're

that. Just sit

319

down and

shut up.'

Sheila

Saffy's

from the

bottom table

lip

and

O'Flanagan

wobbled. She walked slowly away

sat in a

corner of the room, her blue

teddy bear in her arms.

Eavan rubbed her forehead. The feeling of nausea had almost passed, but hell did Jarlath let

It

Why

go?

doing

all

now

an

icy fear

mean when he

What

gripped her.

the

Glenn had been

said that

hadn't Glenn said anything?

What was he

day? She rubbed her face over and over again.

couldn't be true. Glenn couldn't have lost his job. They

He

looked up to him in Trontec.

They

didn't just let people

go

Although, she admitted to

remembered

a couple

was a senior person.

like that.

of years

they did. She

herself, earlier

when

the entire

customer services function had been transferred to centre in India.

Twenty people had

a call

lost their jobs.

And

the research division, which had relocated to Dublin, had

been relocated back to California before could

quite* easily

could be

moved

have decided that the

too.

Only

Because you had to have visiting clients.

that.

that didn't really sales

Trontec

sales division

make

sense.

people on the ground,

You couldn't do

sales

from India or

California.

Why about

hadn't he said anything?

Why

body blow? She

her

this

numbing

it

all

bit

hadn't he told her lip.

Maybe he was

with drink. She'd thought that he was

drinking again and hoped that he wasn't but

understand

T'm

why he might

sorry.' Saffy

be.

She moaned

now she could softly.

came over to her and put her hand

on Eavan's arm. T didn't mean to be bold.' 'Oh, honeybunch, that's OK.' Eavan put her arms 320

'

How

Know?

Will I

around her daughter and

lifted

her on to her

Tm

lap.

sorry for shouting at you.'

you

'Are 4

all

right?' asked Safry.

Of course.'

'So can

I

have ice-cream now?' Her blue eyes looked

trustingly into Eavan's.

you

'Sure,' said Eavan. 'Sure

'So, Eileen.'

to accept 'I've

Alan Bellew looked

of him. 'This

in front

it

or

is

my

we should

'But

I

'It is,'

Con.

I

to wait a

husband about

she smiled ruefully at Alan. thinks

at the silver-haired

woman

the best offer yet. Arc you going

do you want

spoken to

can.'

little

it,'

longer.

said Eileen.

'My ex-husband,

Then

guess.

I

He

accept this one.'

thought the decision was yours,' Eileen told him. 'But

can't help

I

still

said Alan.

talk things

over with

it.'

'And he's recommending acceptance?' She nodded. 'He wants the money/

'And you?'

T want

the

money

too,' she said honestly.

'And

I

want

to be out of here. But there's been a delay in finishing the

apartments and so 'It

.' .

.

could probably be negotiated,' said Alan. 'People

often want a quick sale or purchase but it doesn't always work out like that. Your solicitor should be able to help you out on that one.' 'My solicitor's probably sick of the sight of me,' said Eileen cheerfully 'When Con and I decided to file for

divorce

I

was

a bit

of a wreck, to

321

tell

you the

truth.'

Sheila

Alan looked

O'Flanagan

her curiously. 'Didn't you want the

at

divorce?'

wasn't that,' replied Eileen.

'It

'It

was just that

I

couldn't

my head around the fact that I had to make decisions of my own. I was so used to Con making them for me that it was almost beyond me. I know that makes me sound get

very pathetic, but 'I

it's

true.'

don't think you sound pathetic at

fact I think you're a

exacriy

all,'

said Alan. 'In

very determined lady

who knows

what she wants.' 'I do now,' she said. 'I didn't always.' do you want me to go back and accept this offer?'

Eileen smiled. 'So

Eileen got up from the table where they'd been talking

and looked out of the back window while Alan Bellew busied himself with brochures about the house. Eileen was remembering. As clearly as though

happening day

in front

when Con and

in the

it

was

of her again, she was remembering a Claire

had been playing hide and seek

back garden. Claire had been very young

at the

time

and had hidden behind the shrubby honeysuckle bush near the end of the garden. She'd been easily visible but

Con had

spent ages looking behind other flowers and

shrubs, wondering aloud where she could be. tually

he'd given up and shouted,

wherever you

are,' at

'Come

out,

And

even-

come

out,

which Claire had rushed out from

behind the bush, shrieking with joy that her father had

been deceived. She could Eileen. It

had grown to

easily its full

was packed with golden

hide behind

it

now, thought

height of three metres and

leaves.

Eileen

wondered what a huge

memories the young couple who were borrowing 322

How amount of money

to

Will I

Know?

buy her house would have

in thirty

or forty years' time. 'Eileen?' Alan's

words broke into her thoughts.

my old woman thing,' how things were.'

'Oh, I'm doing 'I'm thinking of

He

lightly.

nodded.

suppose you get

'I

she said

a lot

of

that.'

'Sometimes,' he agreed. 'Though these days so

many

people just think of their homes as a financial move. They

buy

in their kitchens

and

their

bathrooms and

their gardens

and they don't have the same emotional investment

in

them.'

T

Eileen nodded.

think

my

emotional investment has

paid off now,' she said. 'Go ahead and the offer.

I'll

my

tell

solicitor today.

Alan stood up and held out

'Great.'

you

contact

them we accept

1

his

hand. 'Thank

for the business.'

'You're welcome,' said Eileen. 'You really are.'

Georgia and Robyn were sunbathing

was wearing ibly

a pastel-pink

at the seafront.

cropped top and

a pair

skimpy white shorts. Georgia was wearing

top in sea-green and one of the short

Robyn

of increda similar

skirts that Claire

had bought her before going away.

you heard from Peadar today?' asked Georgia on her back and watched a seagull whirl over-

'So have as she lay

head.

'He texted me

this

morning,' said Robyn. 'He's going

to try and get his folks to

How

come up

about Steve?'

323

to

town

for a

weekend.

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Poor Steve.' Georgia sighed. 'His parents are back from their trip

and he

says that they're

making

booked

They

his life hell.

want him to go to some other camp even though

he's not

Something to do with inner development.'

in.

'They're bats,' said Robyn.

'They don't care about him,' agreed Georgia. really sorry for

Mum

everything.

some other

T

how

I realise

can't wait for

decent she

is

compared

it all

Robyn

enthusi-

to be done.'

'We went into town yesterday and picked out new said Georgia.

T

beds,'

got to choose. I'm going to use Dad's

desk in the den part, though.

do

feel

parents.'

'Yeah, the surgery sounds great!' said astically.

to

'I

come home and

has been so great about converting the surgery for

me and to

him. Especially since I've

I

thought

it

would be

nice

that.'

'And how did your

mum

feel

about

that?'

'She was* OK,' said Georgia. 'You know, Robs, she seems a lot better since

I

got home.'

'Missed you, obviously,' said Robyn.

'No, better than before

I

went,' Georgia clarified. 'Sort

of more light-hearted or something.' 'Has she got a boyfriend?'

'Oh, don't be ridiculous,' said Georgia scathingly. Then she wrinkled up her nose. 'Though she did go out with

an old badminton friend of hers while to

we were

away.

And

some dinner with the people from work.' 'So maybe it's something to do with the old friend.' 'She hasn't gone out with him since,' said Georgia. 'We've only been back a couple of days.'

324

How

Will I

Know?

'She hasn't even mentioned him.'

a

'Oh well, even if she's only going out good thing, isn't it?' 'Yes.'

me new

Georgia nodded. 'And

if

a bit

that's

going out makes her buy

stuff then that's absolutely brilliant!'

325

more

Chapter 23

Canna (Canna make

Lily)

- Bright flowers and coloured

this very eye-catching.

Eavan

leaves

Needs sheltered spot in full sun.

put Saffy into the child seat in the car and drove

to Claire's house. She needed to talk to

someone about

Glenn's situation and the only someone she had confidence in

was

Claire.

half on the

She parked behind the green van which was

pavement and half on the road outside

Claire's

house. As she got out of the car she saw Georgia walking

up the

street.

She didn't recognise her

her changed hairstyle, but she realised

who

the

tall

when Georgia

at first

name

and elegant teenager was.

Saffy shrieked with delight at seeing Georgia,

her up and whirled her around in the a face at Saffy

because of

called Saffy 's

air.

who picked

Then

she

and told her that she was getting

made

far

too

big and heavy to be lifted up like that. Saffy giggled as

Georgia ruffled her dark c

Is

your

mum

in?'

hair.

asked Eavan.

'Sure,' said Georgia. 'She this

was working when

morning.'

326

I left

her

How

Know?

Will I

'You look great/ said Eavan. 'Did you enjoy your time away?'

Georgia nodded.

'It's

weird not having every

really

me

second of every day mapped out for

now,' she

confessed. 'But I've stuff to do. We're redecorating Dad's

surgery and turning

den

into a

it

for me.'

'Are you?' Eavan was surprised.

Mum

Georgia. 'But

'Yes,' said I

has to

do

the painting.

can't bear the smell.' 'Slacker.'

'Don't

Eavan smiled.

tell

her I'm faking

it.'

I'm

Georgia laughed.

looking forward to getting things right but the painting is

just

too

'Well

much

like

would you

hard work.'

like to

'Sure,' replied Georgia.

a sandwich.

wander

amuse

Safry for

me

while

I

call

your mum?' asked Eavan hopefully.

in to see

I'll

was

'I

just

coming home

put one together and then Safry

to grab

md cm I

across to the park.'

'She'd like that,' said Eavan.

She waited while Georgia

let herself

yelled out to Claire that she

company.

A

couple of seconds

running lighdy

down

the

into the house and

was home and that she had later Claire

herself

came

stairs.

She looked different though Eavan wasn't exactly sure how. Her hair was pinned up

in a soft

head which meant that her

face wasn't

cascading curls as usual.

Her

knot on top of her hidden by her

eyes were brighter and

sparkled more, and the colour in her cheeks was evident.

But she looked

a litde harried

'Hi,' she said noticing the

327

all

more

the same.

troubled expression on

Sheila

O ¥lanagan y

Eavan's face straight away. 'Let's go into the kitchen.' Claire

and Eavan

made up an

sat at the kitchen table while

Georgia

unnecessarily large batch of sandwiches,

handing one to Saffy and taking one herself before

telling

Claire that she'd put the rest in the fridge to keep fresh

and that she was taking Saffy out

nodded

in

them

for a while. Claire

agreement.

'Would you

like

something?' she asked Eavan. 'Tea,

coffee, juice?' 'Tea,' said Eavan.

Claire filled the kettle, switched

it

on and took

a couple

of mugs from the cupboard. Eavan didn't speak while she

was doing

this

badly wrong.

and Claire knew that there was something

When

the tea she sat

the kettle had boiled and she'd

down

made

beside her friend.

'Well?' she asked.

Eavan told her about her phone discovery that Glenn

know when

it

call

to Trontec and her

no longer worked

there.

'I

don't

happened,' she wailed, 'but I'm guessing

was that weekend where he had to go

in

on

it

Saturday. His

behaviour's been weird ever since.'

'Oh, Eavan.' Claire reached out and took her friend's hand. 'I'm sorry. This must be awful for you.'

'He didn't wife, Claire.

tell

me.' Eavan's voice wobbled. 'I'm his

I'm supposed to be the person he shares every-

thing with, but he didn't

tell

me.' She exchanged a sudden

guilty look with her friend.

always share everything, but

'I

know.

I

know.

We

don't

.' .

.

'Maybe he was hoping that something up,' said Claire gentiy.

328

else

would turn

How

demanded Eavan. 'How could he imagine

'Like what?' that is

Willi Know''!

wouldn't find out eventually? What sort of craziness

I

And

that?

what's he been doing every day for the

He

couple of weeks?

goes out

as

work. Sometimes he's out until told

A

me

that he

was

down

tear trickled

her cheek.

was drinking. And I'm so Claire,

I'm so

he's driving else.'

home

afraid

he

afraid that

pissed. He'll

She buried her head him.

steadily. 'I love

is.

I

in

the evening.

late in

He

What kind of meetings?' 'You know I thought he

meetings.

at

last

though he's heading to

.

.

She

.'

But kill

if

bit

her

lip.

'Oh,

he's drinking then

himself.

Or someone

her hands and began to cry

want to help him. But he won't

let

me.'

'Of course have been a that he

found

'Look,

he'll let you,' said Claire.

real it

shock for him, Eavan. difficult to

admit

it

I

this

must

can understand

to you.

He was

prob-

ably afraid of your reaction.'

'He shouldn't need to be

afraid,' cried

Eavan. Her shoul-

ders shook with the ferocity of her sobs. Claire sat beside her

and uneasily

recalled seeing

Glenn

alone outside Bruxelle's bar. But she said nothing about this to

her friend. Eventually Eavan

looked

tearily at her.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

with

my

'I

lifted

always seem to

her head and

come

to you

stupid problems.'

'They're not stupid,' said Claire. 'And I'm glad you've

come. But be a

you'll have to talk to

relief to

him

that

'He'll just get pissed off at

Eavan

sniffed.

'I

him about

it.

Maybe

it'll

you know.'

me

for ringing the

don't blame him for

329

that.'

company.'

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'He won't get pissed off

him everything 'I

be

at you,' said Claire. 'He'll

embarrassed probably. But that's

all.

And you

have to

tell

too.'

Eavan.

can't!' cried

Eavan buried her

Claire looked at her silendy.

face in

her hands again. 'I

know,

getting

know!' she mumbled.

I

at, Claire,

'How Eavan

but

it's

'I

know what

you're

different.'

different?'

is it

said nothing, but

continued to sob. Claire put

her arm around her friend's shoulders again and held her until her tears subsided. 'I

know

sniffed

this

is

the conversation

and looked up

to deal with

at her.

we had

'But what

last time.' if

he

Eavan

drinking

is

it?'

'That's something you'll have to

work

out,' said Claire.

'Doesn't he have a support group?' 'Yes.'

'Then 'I

they'll help, surely?'

guess

'Eavan, 'I

so.'

we

can't

know,' she

do anything

She wiped her eyes with a

had put on the

you and he

I'm dreading

tissue

movement

change the subject, even

if

in the garden.

only for a

talk.' it.'

from the box Claire

table alongside the cups of tea.

eye was caught by

at

until

said. 'It's just that

Then her

Thankful to

moment,

she looked

her friend in surprise. 'I

never noticed before,' she

said.

'You've got

in.'

Claire

nodded. 'He's doing a good

330

job.'

someone

How

Know?

Will I

'It's

looking miles better already,' said Eavan.

'It's

nearly finished,' said Claire. 'He's

dug out

all

the

flowerbeds and replaced some of the plants. Plus he's building up that little more outside lights.'

'Was

it

wall at the side

said Claire.

'I'm glad you finally got

was always

someone

Eavan. This

in,' said

a lovely garden.'

Claire nodded.

being

few

a

expensive?' asked Eavan.

'Not too bad,'

coming

and adding

'I

was so

do things

in to

.

.

.

someone

against

else

I

was

sniffed.

She

'But

after Bill,' she said.

silly.'

'Oh, didn't

I

can understand

it,'

She

said Eavan.

want to return to the subject of Glenn

'Hey, didn't you go to the dinner thing Claire

nodded. 'And

it

was

fun.

I'll

last tell

just vet.

week?

1

you about

it

another time.' 'Did you meet anyone?' 'Yes

and no.' Claire told her about Oliver Ramsey.

'But you should have cried Eavan.

'Yeah, but 'Claire 'I

let

him come home with you!'

'He was so gorgeous!' I

told

him

I

was

a talent scout.'

Hudson!'

didn't want people

Eavan. 'And

it

was

and don't expect

great. to. It

knowing about me, But

was

I

a

1

she told

haven't heard from anyone

good night

out, that's

Look, you and Glenn are more important right

now

all.

than

the stupid dinner.' 'I

don't want to talk about Glenn any more/ Eavan sniffed

and took another

tissue

from the pack.

331

'I

have to bring

it

Sheila O'Flanajjan

Now

up with him tonight. 'Money?

We

I

know

.

.'

.

when

money'

stopped working.

I

She looked

at Claire,

she said. 'Because

fault,'

what's happened is

thought you were OK.'

I

gave up a lot

of pressure

my

that

But, you know, the real worry

it's easier.

I

It

put

because

it

I

because

wanted the house

I

wanted to

stay at

'It's

stopped working he went

for different jobs. Stuff that he didn't really like.

him do

a lot

her face stricken.

home

in

I

made

Howth and

with Saffy!'

'Don't be stupid, Eavan.' 'It's true.'

but

I

Eavan blew her nose. 'He preferred research

made him go

into sales.

I

should have known.

I

really should.' 'It's

not your

fault,' said Claire.

'He probably didn't

tell

me

because he thought I'd freak

out about the house,' said Eavan. 'As

if I

would.' Suddenly

her eyes hardened. 'He's such a fool.' 'All

on the 'I'll

he's

men

are,' said Claire. 'It's

straight

up to us to keep them

and narrow.'

have to get a job,' said Eavan. 'I'm sure that's what

been doing. Job-hunting. Only he hasn't got one

You know how

it is,

to find something new. a strand

yet.

When you're working it's easy When you're not She twisted

Claire.

.

of her hair anxiously. 'What

if

.

.'

they got rid of him

for drinking?'

'Stop torturing yourself,'

commanded

Claire.

'Go home,

have a soak in a bath and then talk to him about

Eavan nodded. 'But the bath,' she said.

there's

'Saffy'll see

332

it.'

no chance of the soak to that.'

in

How

Will I

Know?

had meant to get back to work

Claire

gone, but she couldn't

settle

down

to

after

Eavan had

Georgia popped

it.

her head around the office door to say that she was going to the video store to get something for later in the evening.

She

also suggested hopefully that as part

of the den

refur-

bishment project Claire might see her way to buying

DVD

player for Georgia's

own

'We'll see,' said Claire as she put the

knowing

more work was

that any

computer to

He

was bare-chested again,

already bronzed and weathered.

his

at the

his skin

As she observed him, he

straightened up and looked at his watch.

arms over

sleep,

impossible. She looked

out of the window. Nate Taylor was tying up plants

end of the garden.

a

television.

He

stretched his

head, then rubbed his back and walked to

the patio. She couldn't see him at that point but almost

immediately he walked

down

the garden again and plonked

himself under the apple tree, a bottle of juice Claire

wondered

if

in his

hand.

he'd eaten. She hadn't noticed him stop

for a lunch break earlier.

She went downstairs and opened the kitchen door. 'Are

you hungry?' she

He

shrugged

moment and had made 'I

in

called.

response. Claire considered for a

then remembered the sandwiches Georgia

earlier.

have some sandwiches made,' she told him. 'You're

welcome

to

one

if

you

like.'

Nate got up from beneath the shirt

over his head.

'Thanks,' he said.

He ambled 'I

tree

towards

was getting a

bring anything today.'

333

and pulled

his

T-

her.

bit peckish.

I

didn't

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Claire took the plate of sandwiches

put them

down on

'Georgia always goes crazy said.

'She does far too much.

'Great.'

from the

fridge

when

I

she makes food,' she

think they're mainly salad.'

Nate picked one from the

pile

and

bit into

it

went back into the kitchen to get some more

Claire

'Oh,

and

the patio table.

while

juice.

shit.'

She heard

his

words

as she

opened the

fridge

door

again.

'Sh-it. Claire!'

'What? What's the matter?' She hurried outside.

Nate was

still

sitting at the table, his

hand to

his throat.

His face was red. 'Are

He

you choking?' she

shook

asked.

his head.

'What then?' 'Nuts,' he gasped. 'There

'Oh spread.

must be

nuts.

I

- nut

allergy.'

him in horror. 'Peanut butter She must've put some on them. She's crazy about

no.' Claire looked at

it.'

'Got to really

-

call

badly.'

.

.

.

someone,' he said

He wheezed

'Wait,' she told

shakily. 'I

-

react

-

loudly with every breath.

him. 'Wait.'

She went back into the kitchen and took out the big green

first-aid

box. She removed a cylindrical object which

she unwrapped quickly, taking off the grey safety cap as she walked outside. Nate's face was even redder.

saw what she had slid

them down.

pressed

Nate

it

hard.

in her

he

his jeans

and

EpiPen to

his thigh

and

Claire held the

The

When

hand he loosened

auto-injector clicked. She watched

carefully.

334

'

How 'I'll call

As she

him

Know?

Will I

an ambulance,' she

'You rub the area, OKr'

said.

emergency

dialled the

services she kept

watching

breathing seemed slightly

closely, relieved that his

less

ragged than before. can't believe

'I

-

me

you had

this,'

he wheezed. 'Lucky - old

.' .

.

'They'll be here very soon,' she told at

her watch. 'Don't

He nodded

His smile was

his

I

as she

looked

weakly. She continued to watch him.

'You feeling better?' she asked

careful.

him

talk.'

fleeting.

didn't think

breathing was

He

.'

.

still

.

after a

couple of minutes.

think so. I'm usually ... so

'I

exhaled slowly. Although

laboured, Claire thought

it

was

beginning to ease. 'I'm sorry,' he said after another minute or so, his breathing

had

definitely

improved and

begun to return to normal. don't need an ambulance.

'This

be

I'll

his

ridiculous.

is

when

colour had

Look,

I

1

fine.

'Probably,' said Claire briskly. 'But

you need to be moni-

tored in case you start to react again.'

'How do you know

all this?'

Nate's voice was growing

stronger.

'I'm a doctor's wife,' said Claire. 'Had you forgotten'I'm glad.' Nate grinned feebly. great business for

me

to ... die

Claire smiled back at

on

listening to the

..

'It .

wouldn't have been

on your doorstep.'

him but she was concentrating

sound of

his breath

and checking to

see that he wasn't developing a further

wheeze or

breaking out into a rash. Feeling more confident that he

was beginning to recover, she went to the front door. 335

Sheila O'Flanafjan

The ambulance had just pulled up outside two paramedics hurried up the steps.

the gate and

'Anaphylactic shock?' said one.

'He's in the back garden,' Claire told them. 'He's had

one dose of an EpiPen and

think he's recovering.'

I

The paramedics went through to the kitchen and Claire was about to follow them when she saw Georgia running at full 'It's

down the road. OK, it's OK,' said

tilt

Claire as the girl raced

and almost collided with

steps

Georgia's face was ashen beneath her

of

freckles. 'I

...

thought

I

thought

.

Nate had

into shock.

sprinkling

'I

.' .

She put her arms around

Claire.

Georgia and pulled her towards matter.

summer

saw the ambulance,' she panted.

OK,' repeated

'It's

up the

her. 'Everything's fine.'

her. 'There's

nothing the

bad reaction to something and went

a

But he's

fine

now,

I

promise you.'

Georgia Stayed immobile in her mother's hug Claire prised her

until

away from the door to allow the para-

medics to carry Nate Taylor to the ambulance. 'He'll be grand,'

him

Beaumont.

to

one of them told

Do

'No. No,' said Claire

She looked

He

hospital,'

'Are

hastily.

'We're not

Nate. 'Do you want his

he told

you

'Yes.'

fine

at

shook

head

her. 'We're taking

you want to come?'

me

gingerly. 'No,

to I'll

.

.

.

call

do

I'm not

.' .

.

Sarah?' it

from the

her.

sure?' asked Claire.

Nate was adamant.

'I

don't want to scare her. I'm

now'

'He

certainly

seems to

be,' said the

336

paramedic. 'But

How

Will I

Know?

we're taking you to the hospital now, mate, and

they'll

keep an eye on you for a while.'

'Thank you.' Nate's words encompassed both Claire and the paramedics. As he was loaded into the back of the

ambulance Georgia squeezed 'Can we go Claire looked

you

'Are

down

all

Claire's hand.

Georgia's voice was

in?'

at

still

shaky,

and

her anxiously.

right?' she

asked as she closed the front

door and led her into the kitchen.

'Now I

at

'I

got a

thought ...

I

fright,

didn't

I

Mum. When

know what

to

her eyes with the back of her hand.

.' .

.

OK,'

'It's

again.

'I

said Claire.

would've got

was

'It

like

it

couldn't really have been

don't remember

light

it

was

something.'

like ...

A

She put her arms around Georgia

a fright too.'

the accident,' said Georgia, her voice trem-

'Although

bling. I

am,' said Georgia.

She rubbed

think.' 'I

I

saw the ambulance

it.

I

But when

I

remember

did

tear rolled

down

like

it

because

saw the Hashing blue it

...

I

remembered

her cheek, i was fright

ened.' Claire

hugged her

closer

still.

frightened,' she said. 'I'm here.

'There's no need to be I'll

look after you.'

Georgia said nothing but Claire could

feel

her body

moment or two she lifted her T'm sorry,' she said. T'm being

shaking with sobs. After a

head and sniffed

loudly.

a baby.'

'No you're

T

not,' Claire assured her.

can't be a baby,' said Georgia.

T

can't cry.

1

'For heaven's sake!' Claire looked at her in concern. 'Of

337

Sheila O'Flanajian

course you can

'But

.

.

.

Anyone who

cry.

normal

a perfectly

but

gets a fright can cry.

It's

reaction.' .'

.

.

'But what?'

have to be strong,' said Georgia.

'I

'No you

don't,' said Claire firmly. 'You can be a big

softy if that's

A

what you want.'

glimmer of

a smile played

and she wiped away the

around Georgia's mouth

tears again.

'I

was never a

softy.'

'Why

'Perhaps not.' Claire kissed her on her forehead.

do you have

to be strong?' she asked.

Georgia swallowed. 'For you,' she said eventually. 'You

me

need

to be strong.'

'Why

'Georgia!' Claire looked at her in astonishment.

do you think

that?'

'Because of Dad,' cried Georgia.

'Because you're

broken-hearted. Because you lost the one person you

You

loved.

didn't

me

rteed

was feeble and

mean

silly

to be strong.

with

to be but

about you and

I

all

And

was.

I

wasn't at the

start. I

the not- talking nonsense.

then

I

I

heard them talking

how hard it was for you and how you were me ... I felt awful about it. Awful.'

so worried about

'Oh, Georgey-girl!' Claire hugged her daughter even

more

tightiy.

Of course

'Don't for one second think

somebody.

I lost

the one person

I

than anything.

I still

'But love

me

it's

loved.

We

I still

like that.

both did. But

have one person

I

Don't.

didn't lose

I

love

more

have you, Georgey.'

not the same.' Georgia

sniffed. 'It isn't.

because I'm your daughter. That's

'Georgia Hudson.' Claire

felt

338

You

all.'

more shocked than she'd

How ever been in her I

Willi Know?

before. 'You can't possibly think that

life

only love you out of a sense of duty.

even imagine

She looked

that?'

at

How

could you

her daughter,

a

worried

frown furrowing her brow. 'Darling, you're the most

And

important, precious thing in the world to me.

I

love

you more than anything.' 'Not more than Dad, though,' Claire

was

Her

silent.

She was devastated

at the

Georgia simply.

said

pounding

heart was

some way she wasn't loved

possibly think that in

her chest

in

thought that her only child could for herself,

wasn't loved with the same depth of feeling as

had

Bill

been.

She spoke

slowly.

'Obviously

loved your dad very

I

much, and loving someone you're married to

is

very deep

and very emotional. But haven't you ever heard about how mothers love

How they run into burning How they starve themselves to

their children?

buildings to save them? feed them?

How

they'll

do anything,

absolutely anything

for them?'

Georgia nodded. 'Sure, you hear about that sort of stuff.

But

it's

not

'It is,'

real.'

said Claire fiercely. 'It

walk into any burning building If

it.

kill

anyone was to touch

them without

a

a hair

Georgey-girl.

is,

if

I

of your head

second thought.

I

And

Georgia

would

in

harm

in

I'd

love you, Georgia

Hudson. You're the most important person to me.

I

thought you were

in the

world

I'd be nothing without you.'

her

bit

lip.

'But you miss him,

Mum. And

I

can't help you.'

'Of course

I

miss him,' said Claire.

339

'I

knew him

for a

Sheila

O'Flanagan

we do have each

long time. You miss him too. But

And we

me

very, very important to 'I .

.

.

do understand

well

.

'Maybe

I

you understand just

thought that

at getting

over things,'

Georgia.

that,' said

'I

good

haven't been very

admitted Claire. 'And I'm not sure that I'm I

need to be

change love

is

But one thing

just yet.

how much

my

a part of

over

as

that's never

you

life

it

in the

room

my

or not

are, Georgia.

love for

as

going to

you absolutely and unconditionally, and whether

was here

It's

that.'

She sighed.

.'

.

that

other.

you and me.

love each other. We're a family,

I

Bill

you would be

exactiy the same.'

Georgia's smile was a silly?'

'Am

wobbly.

little

I

being

really

she asked.

'Utterly,'

pretty

silly

Hudson, day for

I

agreed Claire. 'But that's too.

And

right because I'm

all

you something

tell

I'll

else,

Miss

wouldn't have been able to get out of bed every

the* past three years if

it

wasn't for you.'

'Really?'

'Of course.' Claire grinned broadly it,

do

at her. 'Let's face

you need someone to haul you out of yours. it,

you'd spend

all

Georgia made a face

They

sat

If

I

didn't

day burrowed beneath those covers.' at

her and Claire kissed her again.

together in silence for a while.

'So - so

what happened to

go into shock?' asked Georgia didn't wiggle your

bum

at

Mr

Taylor?

eventually.

What made him

She giggled. 'You

him, did you?'

'Clown!' Claire was relieved to hear Georgia make even the smallest of jokes. 'Of course not.

sandwiches, Georgey.'

340

He

ate

one of your

How

Know?

Will I

'Oh!' Georgia's eyes darkened in understanding. 'Peanut butter.'

Claire

nodded.

'So

was me,'

it

'Well

anyone

I it

said Georgia.

'I

nearly killed him.'

him the sandwich, honey. So

offered

if it

was

was me.'

'Both of us could've

wide saucers

colour. 'Gosh,

Georgia's eves weft

killed him!'

in a face that

Mum, we

was beginning to regain

its

could have been prosecuted

as

murderers.'

'OK, OK, now you're being felt

bloody guilty when

when

I

'But

daft,' said Claire.

I

saw what had happened. And

I

was going into shock

realised he

'Did he have one of those needle things?' asked Georgia. 'If he's allergic to

nuts does he carry one around?

'No,' said Claire. 'This

is

the lucky

bit.

I

1

got one from

Remember, your dad always had some.

the first-aid cabinet.

There were half a dozen, three

for adults

and three

for kids/

Georgia nodded. 'Would he have died?' 'I

don't think

tion I've seen.

so,' said Claire. 'It

But better to be

safe

wasn't the worst reac-

than sorry, don't you

think?' 'Still,

you might have saved

'A minute ago

I

was

'Better to be a lifesaver, at Claire.

his

life.'

a murderess.' I

think,' said Georgia.

She smiled

'Dad would 've been impressed with you.'

'D'you think

so?'

'Absolutely.' 'I'll tell

you something, Georgey.

myself.'

341

I

was impressed with

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Georgia giggled. 'D'you think the garden? 'I

hope

window.

Or he'll

'It's

will

he'll finish

the

work

come

back'.'

Claire looked out of the

looking a lot better,

isn't it?'

Georgia nodded. Her mobile beeped and she took out of her pocket.

in

he be afraid to come back?'

And

Claire

it

was relieved to see that she

seemed to have recovered her composure enough to smile broadly before she sent a text in reply.

342

Chapter 24

Tolygonatum (Solomon ys Seal) white or cream.

Bell-like flowers usually

The leaves are clasped by arching stems.

Thrives in deep shadow of trees or shrubs.

Eavan

was

sitting in the

conservatory

when

she heard

the sound of the car pulling into the driveway. She

took another

sip

from her

glass

of water. She was nervous.

She didn't know exacdy what she was going to say to Glenn. She'd rehearsed different scenarios over and over in her

head but she had the feeling that

walked through the door she'd forget

all

as

soon

as

he

of them. She

wanted to be calm and understanding but

inside

her

stomach was churning. She'd always thought that she'd had the only

difficult

conversation she'd ever need with

Glenn when he'd admitted she

knew

about.

that there

And

his

alcoholism to her. But now

were even more

difficult things to talk

she was afraid.

She heard the front door opening and the sound of footsteps in the hallway.

Through

his

the glass doors that led

from the conservatory to the kitchen she saw him putting

343

Sheila

on the kitchen counter and she

his briefcase

How

O'Vlanagan

awful must

it

thought unhappily.

had to carry

this

her

bit

lip.

be for him to pretend every day, she

And

so terrible for

burden on

him

to feel that he

own.

his

'Honey, I'm home!' It

And

was

a joke

between them that sometimes he

those times she would rush to meet

and ask him

how

1950s housewife

said this.

him and

kiss

him

day was in the sugary tones of a

his

in a saccharine

Hollywood movie.

She got up from the deeply cushioned bamboo chair

and walked into the kitchen. 'Hi,' she said.

'How're you?' Glenn smiled

spotted

it

at

her but she could see

How

the anxious look in his eyes.

the hell hadn't she

before?

'I'm great,' she said carefully. 'And you?'

'Oh, busy busy,' he

said.

She kept4 her eyes fixed on

'Busy but not at

his face.

Trontec' 'Huh?' 'I

He

stared at her.

mean

didn't

to,'

she told him, 'but

I

rang the office

today.'

'Eavan! 'I

said.

make

I

told

you not to ring me

know what you

told

'Eavan,

of sense for let

me

I

told

you

—

me, and why you told me,' she

'When you're not working a lot

there!

me

for the

you

company

it

there, does

doesn't

—

to

his

meeting with the top brass of

explain

call

it?'

'I'm listening.'

So he told her about the company, and

how they'd

decided that the overall

344

sales

How strategy could be better

and

Will I

worked on from

their

US

office,

people were necessary but not

that, yes, local sales

someone of Glenn's

really

Know?

calibre.

Although, they

said,

he

probably preferred the research side of things, which was

what he'd

started out doing. Unfortunately research was

being handled in California now.

'Those bastards!' Eavan looked

'What could

say to them?'

I

gained market share but not

at

him

in fury.

Glenn shrugged.

at the rate

were putting some new worldwide strategy wasn't just

me

was

that

WcVe

they wanted. They place.

in

It

go; John Mara, Ken FarreU and

let

Sean Carew went too.'

Eavan again.

'Bastards,' said

'You just a

know what

commodity

it's like

'How

can they be

like that?

1

these days,' said Glenn. "You're

to them.'

'You're not just a commodity!' 'I feel like it,'

'Why

he said wryly.

didn't you

tell

me?' Suddenly she began to

'A horrible thing happened to you and you didn't 'I

knew you'd

'Of course I'm I

feel useless to

he

cry,'

tell

cry.

me.'

said.

crying,' she said. 'But I'm crying because

you. If you couldn't share this with

me

then what's the point of anything?' Glenn's jaw twitched as he watched

his wife

scrub her

eyes with a piece of kitchen towel.

'Look, deal with

it's

you

difficult

too,'

he

enough

for

me

without having to

said.

'Glenn!' She crumpled the kitchen towel into a 'I

wanted to look

'By pretending

it

after things in

my own

way.

ball.

1

hasn't happened?' Eavan looked at

345

O'Flanagan

Sheila

him

must have known

incredulously. 'You

sooner or

thought

'I

I'd find

out

later.'

might get

I

a job

first.

Then you'd never

need to know.' 'You'd no right to do

that,'

she told him. 'I'm your

I'm entitled to know.'

wife.

His jaw twitched again. 'There are decisions that have to be made,' said Eavan. 'Decisions that affect

you and me and

Saffy.

You

can't keep

to yourself.'

it all

'I'm supposed to be the breadwinner,' said Glenn. 'I'm

supposed to deal with 'You

know

it all

myself

that's utter bullshit,' cried Eavan.

'We're

married. You're supposed to share!' 'I

wasn't ready to share,' he told her.

'But for heaven's sake, Glenn, you can't

do everything

on your own.' 'You wanted me to,' he pointed out. 'When you asked me if you could give up your job to be with Saffy. I knew how important that was to you, so I agreed. But it meant

was the one responsible

that

I

And

it's

my

'Don't be so a partnership.

He

looked

frustration.

for bringing in the

responsibility to sort daft!'

We at

it

money.

out now.'

she exclaimed. 'We've always been

sort things out

between

us.'

her mutinously and she wanted to cry with

How

had

it

happened, she asked

herself, that

they'd arrived at a point in their marriage where he was

unwilling to

how had when

all

tell

her something so very important?

And

the conversation slipped into a kind of argument

she'd wanted was to be understanding and sympa-

346

How

Know?

Will I

She'd visualised him being relieved to

thetic?

finally

share

the burden with her and she'd imagined comforting

him

over the loss of his job. But he was standing there rigidly

of her, talking to her but not

in front

'So

.

.

.

she asked

really letting

in. 1

finally.

'What the

do you think

hell

past couple of weeks?'

been looking for

He

I've

been doing

stared at her.

my CV

to every

ness in the country. I've applied for jobs I'm

You don't think

I've

been

for the

'Of course I\e

been doing nothing

a job. I've

looking for jobs. I've e-mailed

ified for.

her

have you been out looking for something else?

else but

damn

on my

sitting

busi-

way overqualarse

all

day doing nothing, do you?'

Eavan told herself that he was stressed and upset. He'd tried to hide this

from her and she'd found out so he was

probably feeling guilty too. So that he

it

shouldn't be surprising

was lashing out.

'I'm sure you have being applying for jobs, of course you have,' she said hastily.

'How working,

the fuck

am

'I

just

do you

wondered how think?'

it

was going.'

he asked.

Tm

not

I?'

'But you've had interviews?' 'I'm the If

I

wrong

age,' said

was thirty-nine

look at

my CV

I

Glenn

might have

harshly. 'I'm forty-one.

a better chance.

But thev

and they see forty-something and they

think that I'm too old and too stupid to

know what I'm

doing. I've had one interview and the child conducting

was about twenty. I'm on the bloody scrapheap 'Oh, come on,' she said encouragingly.

And

the age thing

is

nothing.'

347

already.

'It's early

it 1

days.

Sheila O'Flanfyjan

not nothing,' said Glenn.

'It's

And

they want

'All

is

youth.

don't have the right kind of management experi-

I

ence for other jobs.' 'But you did consultancy before.'

'That was crap,' said Glenn.

up with great

wasn't

'It

strategies. Besides

like I

was coming

.' .

.

Eavan knew what the besides was. Glenn's drinking

problem had been years.

He'd

at its

height during his consultancy

job too.

lost that

She didn't want to ask but he was looking hard

at her,

daring her to. So she did. 'Are

you drinking now?'

'That's

what

he asked. 'A

comes down to

it all

little

worrying. Will Glenn crack? Will

him? Will he

slide

to pull himself

up

down

in the end, isn't

of bother and everyone

bit

it

all

be too

it?'

starts

much

for

the slippery slope and not be able

again?'

The element of hysteria

in his voice

made Eavan

'Of course I'm not drinking,' he continued

flinch.

harshly.

'Don't you think things are bloody well bad enough without

that?'

'You've been acting weird,' she said.

must be because of losing your job but was

afraid

'I

know

'I

I

that

thought ...

it

I

.' .

.

thought you'd know

me

better than that.

I

thought

you trusted me.' 'I

if it

do trust you!' she

was

me who

'Yeah, well,

might be

I

a loser

lost

cried. 'But

my job

haven't.

God knows, Glenn, maybe

I'd turn to the bottle myself.'

So you don't have to worry.

but I'm not a drunk

348

loser.'

I

How 'You are not

'What

else

Will I

a loser,' she said fiercely.

would you

1

like loser material to

me? he asked.

call

go from two companies. 'You're a

Know?

I've asked for

for us to get this

huge that

stretch.

a

good

me

too much.

And what

knew

I

was

it

You

it?

get pregnant and I

I

a

said

mort-

for ever to pay off the

I

up work. So you agree. And

give

want.

I

pushed and pushed

I

house even though

happens?

Eavan.

father,' said

everything

Remember when we bought

we'd both be working

gage.

let

me.'

good husband and

'You've tried really hard to give

And maybe

been

'I've

have a drink problem. Sounds

I

want to

should have known

would be too much. You allowed yourself to move departments so that you had the chance to earn more that

it

money even though Perhaps

in.

if

it

was an area you weren't interested

you'd stayed where you were

would

this

never have happened!' 'It

would've happened

'Research was

he told her sourly.

earlier,'

moved back

to California,

remember? But

you were working then. Earning good money Eavan sighed. 'We can deal with

we

spoke to the bank.

we have mortgage

It's

not

as

runs out

'That's 'It's

as

that because

all

we can pay back

OK then,

that'll

The bank

of the mortgage too, so that

life

money

bad

protection insurance and

the repayments for a few months. the

You know

What's the story on our finances?'

can. 'I

too.'

this together.

at a

will

cover

extend

after the insurance

lower

level.'

isn't it?'

only a short-term solution.

savings.'

349

We

don't have any

Sheila

my

'That's

Eavan raised her china-blue

fault too.'

Tm

eyes to him.

money

O'Flanagan

the one

who

on borrowing

insisted

to get the garden done. I'm the one

to shop in expensive stores. I'm the

we should

who

one who

likes

says that

who

get the best of everything. I'm the one

puts on the pressure to get

new

stuff

the time.

all

It's

me, not you.' 'Everybody wants the to

best,' said

Glenn. 'We're entided

it.'

'Not

we

if

can't afford

my

need to have

hair

it,'

Eavan simply.

said

done every week.

buy the most expensive brands of everything. I

don't need 'Well if

'I

don't

don't need to

I

I like it,

but

it.'

don't get something soon you'll be buying

I

the cheapest brands of everything,' Glenn told her.

'We could

He

looked

sell

we went through on

it

already?

'Darling,

the house.'

her in disbelief.

at

to get

it?

After

the house! After

'Sell all

the

money we've

all

spent

Are you out of your mind?'

it's

just a house.'

This time his stare was even more disbelieving. 'Just a house! Eavan, that's not what you said at

it.

You

to have

said

it.

it

You

when we

was your perfect home. You said that

once you'd seen

possibly be happy anywhere else.

It's

first

said

looked

you had

you couldn't

it

not just a house.

It's

everything.'

'Glenn,

it's

a house.'

'We're not selling the house,' he told her. 'Listen to me,' she said urgendy.

have skyrocketed since

we bought 350

'House

prices in

this place.

We

Howth

could

sell

How it

and buy something

we'd have spare cash

Will I

Know?

Out of town maybe. Then

smaller.

bank and we wouldn't have

in the

to worry.'

'Don't be utterly ridiculous,' he hard for

We

this

can borrow more against

'And then maybe one day out of 'I

it if it'll

WcVe

said.

house and we're keeping

it.

It's

we have

worked

our best to.

be repossessed and we're

anyway!' cried Eavan.

it

won't

let that

They stood

happen.' Glenn's tone was grim.

in silence.

'OK,' said Eavan eventually. 'We don't have to yet anyway. But

work

for

asset.

1

I

think the best thing

is if I

sell

it

look

start to

myself.'

'No.'

'Why

not?' she

demanded. 'You know

much more mobile when

it

comes

use a keyboard, answer the phones, whatever. 'I'll

one. if

are

can

will get

I

not having you rushing out to get work

a useless

as

moron.'

'Oh, Glenn, you

know

and she stopped, arms

I

moved

don't think that!' Eavan

him but he stepped back from her

to put her arms around

'I

I

1

get a job,' he said. Tt's taking time but

And I'm

I'm

women

that

to the workplace.

in mid-air.

suppose you have a better chance,' he

said.

Tou're

younger.' 'I'm thirty-eight,' she said.

out of school for crappy

'I'll

be competing with kids

office jobs.

But

I'll

do

it

if

I

need

to.'

'And what

will

happen to

Saffy while you're

job?' he asked.

351

doing

this

O'Fldnagan

Sheila

She shrugged. can look after 4

You have

it all

'Of course

'Come

you haven't got anything then you

'If

her.'

I

planned out, haven't you?'

haven't!' She looked pleadingly at him.

on, Glenn. Stop being so defensive about

These things happen. Those guys

But they don't have to ruin our

bastards.

'They don't need to

do

that

Eavan

her

lip.

polished granite

tiles.

to be positive. She

him

that they

having an ever let

lives.'

sourly. 'I'm

A tear rolled down

didn't bother to wipe

reassure

Glenn

managing

by myself

all

bit

to,' said

all.

it

Trontec are complete

in

it

her cheek but she

away. It plopped

on

to the highly

She wanted to help him, she wanted

wanted to reach out and hold him and

that nothing mattered other than the fact

had each other (and that he wasn't drinking or affair - although, of course, she couldn't ever,

him know

that she'd allowed herself to think he

might be having an

But she had

affair).

a horrible feeling

that trying to be positive wasn't actually helping at

And

somehow,

that

despite her best efforts, she

making things worse. More and

this

'Oh,

tears

hell,

face

Evs - I'm sorry!'

who

reached out.

He

put

arms around Eavan and held her close to him. 'I'm

being a complete shit but 'That's

of

tumbled down her

time she did wipe them away.

Suddenly Glenn was the one his

all.

was only

his

all

arm.

right.'

'I

I

can't help

it.'

voice was muffled in the crook

understand.'

She relaxed into her, trying to

Her

his arms, thankful that

make him

realise that

352

he was holding

she needed

him

as

How much

as

pulling

he needed

her.

him towards

Glenn

She put her arms around him too,

her,

shampoo

himself to relax a her before now. that the

Know?

hugging him

fiercely.

the force of her embrace as he inhaled the

felt

scent of the

Will I

she used to wash her

little.

And

She was

right.

He

hair.

his breath. It

allowed

sharing his worries with her meant

band of tension that had held him

grip for the past few

He

should have told

weeks had

finally

seemed to him

in a vice -like

loosened.

He

released

that he'd been holding his

breath ever since Jim Smith had called the meeting at

Trontec's offices and told him there wasn't a place for him

any more.

But knowing that didn't

make

the family.

it

wasn't a secret between them

things right.

And

He was

do something about

He

felt

still

the breadwinner in

he wasn't going to have Eavan rushing

out to work to support him. to

still

it.

It

wasn't on. So he'd have

Fast.

the band of tension wrap itself around

353

him

again.

Chapter 25

Ranunculus (Persian Buttercup) - Colourful ball-shaped double blooms. Thrives best in full sun.

Claire finished painting both Georgia's den and the new guest

was

room

the following morning.

a definite hit in the sun-starved

The

bright yellow

basement rooms and

had to admit that Georgia's choice had been

Claire

Now, with

perfect.

the narrow shaft of late -morning light slanting

through the windows, the surgery had suddenly become part of the house again.

Georgia was

thrilled

with her new-look den. Even before

moving her stuff it now felt like her space and not the empty and unused surgery it had been before. She didn't

mind

that

it

had been where

Bill

had worked. In

quite liked the idea that she was going to use (or at least she thought she

seen things the same

home.

fact,

she

She knew

knew) that her mother hadn't

way when she

started

working from

Claire hadn't used the surgery as her office, not

because paint

it.

it

was dark (anyone could have seen that

would brighten

it!)

a lick

of

but because she'd been unwilling

354

How

Will I

to change anything of

Bill's.

believed

it

was

in

some way

Know?

Georgia

felt

that Claire

disrespectful for her to use his

place.

She

felt differently.

She didn't need things the way they

mean

that

she'd forgotten her father or that she loved him any

less.

were.

It

was time

them

for

to change.

If anything, using his surgery

It

didn't

and turning

brought him closer to her now.

It

it

into her

den

wasn't that she'd be

thinking of him every time she sat at the desk and did her

homework, but she knew the same.

It

that his presence was there

had to be, whether she

felt it

or not.

comforted her to know that maybe some of or dreams or hopes were

around

of

her, part

She laughed

still

in the

room,

his still

And

all it

thoughts swirling

her.

at herself

when

she thought of

this.

She

hadn't been part of him in the same way as Claire, of

him had been very different for her. some ways she was closer to him than Claire would

course, and so losing

But

in

ever be because she was actually, genetically part of him.

And what

Claire didn't understand,

what Georgia hadn't

been able to explain to her during her three months of silence or

even afterwards, was that

her for

of her

all

life.

Bill

had been part of

Sure, he and Claire had

met up when

they were both kids and so they'd been part of each other's lives for a

long, long time. But there had been a time

they didn't

know

each other. There had never been

when he hadn't been She

when a

time

Georgia's father.

sat cross-legged

on the yellow and green bean down from her bedroom and

cushion that she'd brought

stared at the freshly painted wall in front of her. There was

355

Sheila

no

sign

O^Flanagan

now of the long oblong mark where one of Bill's human body had been until a couple of days

posters of the

ago. She'd been it

amazed

off the wall in the

that Claire

first

changed. Claire had taken

place.

down

had been able to

tear

But now things had

the posters, got stuck into

removed the white surgery light from outside the door - and she hadn't cried at all when she'd the painting and

thrown

it

in the bin.

In fact lots of things were changing and Georgia was

happy about day when in an

it.

She'd been

(after the

ambulance) Claire had suggested that the two of

them go

into

town together for something

our nerves, Claire had into

totally astonished the previous

shock of Nate Taylor being carted off

said,

Temple Bar and gone into the Elephant

where they'd demolished

a

To steady

to eat.

and so they'd taken the bus

huge bowl of

&

Casde,

spicy chicken

wings followed by a burger for Georgia and a massive Caesar saladYor Claire.

Then

Claire

had told her

all

about

the night of the Dinner in the Dark and Georgia had stared at

her in amazement at the thought of Claire sitting at a

table with a complete

bunch of strangers and eating

unidentified food with her fingers.

'What did you wear?' she'd demanded, and had been astonished

when

and the new 'I

haven't seen

and Claire jeans

Claire told her about her shopping trip

silk dress

and

totally impractical sandals.

much of the new

said that

it

stuff,'

she complained,

was because she'd been

living in

and shorts since Georgia had come home because

they were easiest for doing up the den.

Georgia asked for more

details

356

on

Claire's date with Paul

How

Know?

Will I

Hanratty too. She liked Paul, who'd called around to the

house some nights to pick Claire up for matches. She

was going to

that if Claire

start

the chances were that he'd be

And

going out with

someone she

a

man

felt

again

already knew.

she herself would prefer the idea of her mother going

out with someone even vaguely

familiar.

know suddenly coming into deal with, no matter how much

she didn't cult to

mother to go out possibility

a bit

The

man

idea of a

was

their lives

diffi-

she encouraged her

more. So maybe Paul was a good

even though Claire had said there was no chance.

And, thought Georgia,

it

was

a

damn

sight better than

the idea of Claire ending up with an internet boyfriend'

She'd thought that her mother had sprung

on her when tering with

all

her surprises

Claire, rather shamefacedly, admitted to

HowWillIKnow.com. She'd

main reason was because

it

n

stressed that the

was the only way she could go

to the Dinner in the Dark, but she'd also confessed to

having sent an e-mail message to one of the people on

Georgia had been horrified and told Claire

their books.

that for

all

she

knew people who

advertised on the net

could be complete psychopaths and she could end up

murdered

in

an alleyway somewhere. She'd become so

upset that Claire had told her, very

she'd do HowWilllknow

hastily, that

intention of contacting anyone else from

and that she hadn't put up her own

details

and Georgia

truly wasn't to worry.

Easier said than done, thought Georgia.

It

had been

bad enough worrying about Claire when she was so deeply

unhappy about the up

accident.

Worrying about her picking

totally unsuitable boyfriends

357

was even worse!

Sheila

Her phone took

it

O'Flanagan

vibrated, interrupting her reverie,

out of the pocket of her

The

jeans.

text

and she

message was

O Se. Since coming back from the summer camp

from Steve

he'd got a job in a local leisure centre, helping behind the

He

reception desk.

loved the job, he told her;

out of the house and away from get

on with

would be little

his folks.

like.

how

she

felt

or

how

tell

her

understand

how

wanted the best

Claire every

was going.

life

But she knew beyond anything that she could that Claire only ever

got him

Georgia couldn't imagine what that

She knew that she didn't

thing about

it

his parents. Steve didn't

for her.

and

trust her

She couldn't

same way

Steve's parents didn't feel the

about their only child too. But from what Steve told

her,

They liked doing

their

they considered him to be a nuisance.

own

thing.

sent

him

He

was always

got on with their

who of

in the way.

That was why they

off to camps or to stay with relatives while they

own lives. They were both academic people

studied Celtic history and lectured

it all

on various

of his heritage too but he was fed up with having

down calling

his throat

him

Now

the time. That was

it's

and

called

easier to

when

him Steve

key into

my

that her

den was

that she

how

she was by

great, that there 'd be a guest

hoped one day he'd come

which

said that wild horses

ended

it

S.

rammed

instead. Besides,

She couldn't help blushing when she read

luv

it

she'd stopped

phone.

she replied to his message asking

him

room soon and her.

all

Stiofan

she'd told him,

telling

aspects

over the world. Steve told her that he was proud

wouldn't stop him.

Which gave her

358

a

warm

to

visit

his reply,

And

he'd

feeling inside.

How The two new

Know?

single beds arrived later that afternoon

Georgia and Claire

set

a fully fledged guest

room. Then

bedroom

they brought Georgia's school stuff from her old

By

to the den.

the time they'd finished, Claire was hot

and sweaty and wanted to soak

in the

bath while Georgia

flopped back on to the bean-bag and asked

OK to

invite

and

about making them up so that the

room was now

waiting

Will I

Robyn over

to see

'Sure,' said Claire as she

went

how

all

it

if it

would be

looked.

upstairs.

She ran the bath, crumbled her rose-scented cubes into the water, and

run up the

slid

stairs

thankfully into

it.

She heard Georgia

and bang on the door to say that Robyn

come over because Leonie was having

couldn't

a

family

dinner that evening and she didn't trust Robyn not to

come home. But

it

was

OK

if

she called round there, so

did Claire mind?

'Not

at

Claire called through the closed door.

all,'

smiled as Georgia clattered

slammed the

front

suddenly

It

still.

Even though back,

it

it

was

down

door behind a

welcome

She

the stairs again and

The house was

her.

stillness,

thought

Claire.

was absolutely wonderful to have Georgia

was actually quite nice to have some time to herself

again!

She dozed her

mind

in the

drift in

lukewarm water of the bath,

and out of the various

at her. Eileen selling the

Glenn

.

.

.

Eavan had

house.

issues that

Con and

letting

nagged

Lacey. Eavan and

called the previous night to say that

she'd talked to Glenn and that they'd sorted things out

between them, although sorting things out sense

would be more

difficult. Claire

359

in

an overall

was glad the couple

Sheila O'Flanajjan

seemed to be dealing with the problem together. what, she thought, things are always easier

No matter

when you've

got someone to share the load.

She heard the phone ring downstairs but she ignored it.

Her mobile was perched on

Georgia she'd

call

the windowsill. If

she didn't feel like talking to anyone relaxed zone right bit relaxed if

to the

She was

else.

now and she wouldn't be in

in a

the slightest

she tried to wrap herself in a towel and race

phone before

it

stopped ringing.

some more. Then she took

relaxed

was

it

the mobile. If it was anyone else - well,

It

stopped. She

the tub of body scrub

that Georgia

had bought her the previous Christmas and

rubbed

over her skin.

The

it all

hairs

on her

legs,

which she'd shaved the night of

grown back again. Before the wax her legs but afterwards, because of her scars, she'd been afraid. Shaving wasn't as good as waxirtg though. And her scars had healed. They were marks, nothing more. She got out of the bath, wrapped herself the Dinner in the Dark, had

accident she used to

in a towel,

wax

and opened the cabinet. There were

strips in

date.

sell- by

it.

She grimaced and looked

at

She couldn't see one. What the

cold

still

them

for a

hell,

she

muttered, and opened the packs.

Her leg.

eyes watered as she

She'd forgotten

whipped the

how bloody painful

first strip

from her

could be! But

this

she persevered, ruthlessly sticking and unsticking the strips

even while the tears streamed

remembered, the if you'd

first

down

her face. As

time was the worst.

shaved in between waxes. But

around the bathroom, her

still

.

legs tingling.

360

far as

she

And it hurt more .

.

She hopped

There was

a

How soothing cream

Will I

Know?

She scooped

in the cabinet too.

out of the tub and smeared

it

a

handful

over her smarting skin and

wondered why she'd ever thought

this

was worth doing

again.

home

Georgia arrived

Phydough (whom

at

bath) in the back garden.

while Claire put

down

six

and joined Claire and

had taken

Claire

for a walk after her

The dog woofed

in greeting,

the magazine she was reading and

perched her sunglasses on top of her head. 'There's trouble in Robs' house,' said Georgia as she

down into a garden chair. her mum's maintenance.'

flopped to cut

c

Slimeball Pete wants

'Don't use that expression about Robyn's

father,' said

Claire.

'She does.'

'Even

so.'

not right, though,

'It's

mean, Robs

make

is

his

is

it?'

demanded Georgia.

k

I

daughter and you'd think he'd want to

sure that she was

OK,

but he doesn't."

remembered Pete Grainger, who'd walked out on Leonie on Robyn's sixth birthday. She'd been at 'No.' Claire

the party with Georgia that afternoon and the house had

been invaded by hordes of screaming children. Leonie and her two

sisters

had been supervising everything, and

in the

melee nobody had actually noticed that Pete wasn't there. In fact

it

wasn't until the party was over and most of the

children had

gone home

that Leonie realised her

husband

wasn't around; she'd gone upstairs and opened his

wardrobe and seen that most of

361

his clothes

were missing.

Sheila

So was

And

O'Flanagan

of the money from

all

his passport.

bank account.

their joint

Pete had disappeared for

months

six

before resurfacing with a new, pregnant girlfriend and a

demand

for half the value

Claire sighed.

when

how

How was

of the house. it

that

some men were so awful

there were other, wonderful guys out there?

know which was which?

did you

And

In the end, she

remembered, Leonie had managed to borrow the money to pay Pete but had also extracted monthly maintenance

payments

for

Robyn from him.

to give her that

Now

he didn't even want

much.

'Robs says she'd rather not have the money confided Georgia. 'But that her

of

mum

thinks

it's

at all,'

a point

principle.'

Claire

nodded.

mum

'Her

thinks she'll have to take

though, and that could cost her more than apparently 'Mike

is

in a real

Robyn took

that since

his

temper about

him it's it

name he can pay

to court,

worth.

And

'cos Pete said

for the privi-

lege.'

'Yeuch,' said Claire.

'Why do people mess 'I

it

up so much?' asked Georgia.

was wondering the very same thing

told her.

'And

I

myself,' Claire

haven't got a clue.'

Georgia sighed. Then she picked up the magazine that Claire

had been reading.

'What's Lover".

this?'

Do you

'Don't be reading

she demanded. '"Fifty

have a lover?

silly,'

said

Is that

Claire.

it.'

362

Ways to Leave Your

why

you're reading

'I'm just

.

.

.

well

it?' .

.

.

How 'If

you haven't got

Tor

Will I

Know? why?

a lover then

1

information,' said Claire.

'What sort of information?' Claire sighed. 'Well,

seemed to me

it

that

when you

phoned me from the Gaeltacht and asked me about and I

and

life

thought

all

that sort of stuff

I'd try

and find out

love

wasn't very helpful. So

I

a bit more.'

'Really?' u

She nodded and Georgia giggled.

Is

that

why you

went to the dinner

the internet agency and

joined

thing?'

'Yes,' said Claire.

'Oh,

Mum!' Georgia looked

her in disbelief. You've

at

got to be kidding me.' 'No,' said Claire.

'It

Georgia burst into

meeting

.

.

know

'I

thought

it

.

seemed a

fit

like a

older people,' she said.

it's

good idea/

of laughter. 'Mum, you're 'It's

not the same.'

not the same,' said Claire defensively.

might

k

I

just

help.'

Georgia tried to keep laugh again. 'You're

a straight face

but she started to

priceless,' she said.

'But

I

do

love

you.'

'Gosh, thanks.'

'No,

really,' said

go out with

Georgia.

a string

of

men

'Would you prefer that all?'

I

'I

do. But you don't have to

because of me.' didn't

go out with anyone

at

asked Claire.

This time Georgia had no difficulty in keeping her face straight.

'Well,

'I

I

don't know,' she

have to

tell

you

and, well, there was a guy

said.

that

I

enjoyed the night out

who was 363

kinda nice

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'Mum!' '.

.

.

but

I

haven't heard from him since so

can safely cross him off the 'There's a

'Not I

I

think

we

-list.'

list?'

admitted Claire. 'And speaking of

exactly,'

lists

.

.

.

have a confession to make.' 'Oh?' 'I

read your

'My

list.'

list?'

'Of guidelines for

'Mum! That was

my

boyfriends.'

my

private! In

diary!' Georgia's face

flushed with anger. 'It fell

diary. I

out,' said Claire. 'Honesdy.

wouldn't. But

Georgia stared 'It

was

'Yeah, well,

T

at the

I

didn't look at your

read this thing.'

ground.

interesting,' said Claire. it

talking about

with that

I just

it

was

stuff. It's

could see

just a bit

of fun.

Me

when we were away and nothing

and Robs were I just

came up

serious.'

that,' said Claire.

'And you're not

really ever

going to have a boyfriend

no matter what you say. 'Cos you're still 'Do you actually want me to have a

in love

with Dad.'

boyfriend?' asked

Claire. at the ground again. maybe it would be good for you. But not maybe for me. So I don't know really.' Claire hugged her. 'I'm honesdy not looking for a boyfriend,' she said. 'But I will go out a bit more with my 'I

dunno.'

'Sometimes

I

Georgia stared

think

friends because

I

think that's a

364

good

idea. I

know

I've

How spent too

much

time

bit suffocating for

dad. 'I

at

Willi Know?

home and maybe

you. But you're right.

And no one can replace him.' know that.' Georgia smiled at

her.

I

that can be a

love your

still

'Can

order a

I

pizza for tonight? I'm starving.' 'Sure,' said Claire.

She

sat

back on her lounger and flicked through the

magazine again while Georgia went to phone the pizza delivery.

'Hey,

Mum.' Georgia came back

shocked expression on her

into the

room,

a

face.

'What?' 'There's a message

guy

called Gary.

see

My

He

on the phone

wants to know

for you. It's if

you'd

from some

like to

go and

Fair Lady with him in the Point Depot on

Wednesday

night.'

365

Chapter 26

Poncirus (Japanese Bitter Orange) twisted stems.

Fragrant flowers in

A

tangled mass of

late spring following

a

warm autumn.

It

was not

Georgia had gone phoned the number Gary had left

until later that night, after

to bed, that Claire

on her machine. She couldn't believe he'd called. She hadn't believed that any of them would call despite the handing round of various numbers on the Dinner in the Dark night. In fact she'd thrown all the business cards and scraps of paper in the bin, pretty sure that she'd never see

any of them again.

And now

extra-firm handshake,

didn't

know what

Gary, the

tall

man

had asked her out on

with the

a date.

She

to say.

She hadn't been particularly attracted to him on the night of the dinner but she had been intrigued by the fact that he'd

worked on rebuilding

projects in

South Africa and so was obviously to

go out with him?

Why

would

Kosovo and

a decent person.

But

she?

Georgia teased her unmercifully. She asked Claire to go

366

How

Will I

Know?

over the Dinner in the Dark event again in minute

detail.

She wanted to know everything about Gary Collins,

nodded approvingly when Claire told her about he was in construction (everyone knows that builders are loaded, she told her mother),

nodded even more approvingly when work in Kosovo and then told Claire

she heard about his

that she should definitely Claire, since

My

go

for

it

-

especially, she

reminded

Fair Lady was one of her favourite musi-

cals.

Claire

knew

she wouldn't be able to talk coherently to

Gary with Georgia

still

daughter had

until her

around, which was finally

ously picking up the phone.

And

much

three rings

I'll

she waited

then she worried that

eleven o'clock was far too late to be ringing called so

why

gone to bed before nerv-

earlier in the day. If

someone who'd

he doesn't answer

hang up, she promised

after

herself as she dialled

the number.

But he answered bered his voice

much more

after the

clearly.

second

distinctiy than

how

ring. Claire

remembered

In fact she

rememhis voice

he looked, which, she

supposed, had been the object of the exercise

in the first

place. 'Claire!

How

lovely to hear

'And you,' she

said.

from you.'

'Thanks so

much

for the invita-

tion.'

'Can you make

it?'

She could hear

a

touch of anxiety

in his voice.

What

did he have to be anxious about? she wondered. After

could

ask!

all,

more women from that night that he Suddenly she remembered how nervous she'd

there were plenty

367

Sheila

felt

O'Flanagan

about calling Paul Hanratty, even though he was

And how

friend.

she'd hoped he wouldn't say

drink despite the fact that she'd been scared

a

no

to the

stiff

of the

idea herself.

'Of course 'You said

I

can make

it,'

she said.

Gary reminded

so,'

her.

'I

love that musical.'

'When we were

chat-

ting.'

'Oh.' She

herself blush. It

felt

comment when

a

throwaway

She hadn't expected anyone to remember

dislikes.

would you

'So,

had been

they'd been talking about their likes and

'You

live in

like

me

to pick

Dundrum, don't

it.

you up?'

you?' she remembered.

'Yes.'

'Well then there's

way over here 'Are

you

no reason

for

you to come

just to backtrack again.

I'll

meet you

all

the

there.'

sure?'

'Absolutely,' she said. 'Outside the gates.'

'Grand,* said Gary, and Claire thought she could detect

another note of to

relief in his voice. 'I'm

looking forward

it.'

'So ally

am

I,'

said Claire.

have meant

And

she thought she might actu-

it.

At eight-thirty on Monday morning she opened the front

door and was confronted, once again, by an enormous

bouquet of

flowers.

Nate Taylor lowered the bouquet and smiled 'Hi,'

he

'Oh, Nate, really

at her.

said.

hello.'

She opened the door wider.

expect you today.'

368

'I

didn't

How 'Why

Know?

not?' he asked as he stepped inside.

was

'It

Will I

still

a

I'm

now.

fine

1

shock to your system/ she told him.

He

'Ah, nonsense!'

She looked for

grinned. 'These are for you.'

a card inside the

'From me,' he added. 'As

bouquet.

a thank-you.'

'Oh.' She shrugged. 'You shouldn't have.' 'I

could've died without you,' he told her.

'I

doubt

the least

I

she said. 'And given that

it,'

'You were amazing,' he hospital

matron

was

my

fault,

you the

said.

'So decisive. Definitely

material.'

Claire chuckled. tell

it

could do was to get help!'

'I

truth.'

don't think

so.

I

hate hospitals, to

She carried the flowers into the

kitchen, followed by Nate. 'Did Sarah pick up the van?'

she asked as she began to snip the stems, i saw

gone when Georgia and and

I

thing

He

came home

later that

it

I

thought was that

had been

stolen.

first

Then

I

myself.'

nodded. 'She did

you were

it

had

evening

thought about phoning the guards because the

copped on to said

I

try

your door to

tell

you but she

out.'

'Me and Georgey went

for

something to

eat,'

Claire

told him.

'More peanut butter sandwiches?' 'Chicken wings,' said Claire. She placed the pink and purple blooms into a vase. 'These are lovely.'

'They to work.

are, aren't they?' I'll

be finished

He

this

smiled. 'Anyway, I'm back

week. There

isn't

to do.' 'It

looks great,' said Claire.

369

'It really

does.'

much more

Sheila

'It's

a lovely garden.'

O'Flanagan

He

husband must have spent

looked

a lot

at

'Never enough,' she told him. 'At

used to

say.

He

really

lunchtime and

at

'Sure,' said Nate.

went

Claire

set herself all

it.'

what he

least that's

enjoyed being here. Anyway,' she

smiled brightly, 'I'd better get

go out

her carefully. 'Your

of time working on

'I'll

I

on with

the day. I've got to

need to get myself organised.'

get organised too.'

upstairs again, getting back to the task she'd

of clearing out her wardrobe. She'd unearthed

the clothes that had been too tight for her prior to the

accident and was gratified to find that they perfectly

now, even

if

some of them were

all

fitted

a little dated.

She should go shopping again soon, she thought. Liven

up a bit, because despite the new skirts and the mauve dress she still didn't have a very extensive wardrobe. Maybe Eavan could come with her. She always looked fantastic, had a real eye for clothes. They could have a girly day out. Cheer Eavan up a bit. Claire nodded to herself things

with satisfaction

at the

thought.

Georgia had gone shopping with Robyn, Sive and

The day had been for ages with the

tant told

them

fun, trying

make-up

either to

on

Emma.

clothes, experimenting

testers in

Boots

buy something or

until the assis-

leave the

shop

and then wandering around Virgin Megastore where Sive spent ages deciding which PlayStation

game

to

buy

for her

younger brother's birthday. Things hadn't been so good, though, when they went to McDonald's, where a gang of teenage boys had tray full

bumped

into Georgia as she carried a

of Coke back to the

table.

370

The

sticky liquid

from

How

Will I

Know?

the supersized drinks had gone everywhere and one of the

blokes had

made an

offensive remark about Georgia's

Emma

which had turned

into a spitting fury, telling

where to get off with themselves,

come along It

girls

hand

them

until a supervisor

had

down.

to calm things

had taken the gloss off the day and even though the had

because

insisted that

it

uncomfortable about

was her

Georgia

just shut

wasn't her fault the tray had

fault

still

felt

didn't really matter whether

It

it.

up apologising

fallen, she

or not. She was

still

the one

it

who'd dropped

it.

When

she got

home

she sat in the garden for

a while,

her arms wrapped around Phydough's neck, her head buried in his soft

fur.

message from Robyn. that even if she

It

Then her mobile beeped with told her that she

was missing one

matter because she

always be seduced by big she to

irrelevant finger

had great

still

tits.

tits

a

must never forget and

it

fellas

didn't

would

Georgia smiled wryly. Then

hugged Phydough once more, went indoors and tried shave a few more seconds off her best Gran Turismo

lap time.

Claire

was talking to Trinny Armstrong

which

just

about afforded

were planning

Claire's

in

her small office

of Dublin Bay. They

a glimpse

work schedule

for the

next

few-

weeks. As always, there was plenty for her to do and she

was looking forward to getting stuck

Then Trinny asked her Keating

lately,

possibility

if

in to

something new.

she'd been talking to Eavan

because Eavan had been

of coming back to

Locum

371

in

touch about the

Libris.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

had no intention of sharing confidences with

Claire

Trinny. She'd

no idea what her

friend

might have told

her.

'Thing

Trinny

is,'

expertise.

said,

now and

accounts right

'we don't have anything in that's really Eavan's area

But she was always

a

of

good worker. You and her

both.' She grinned at Claire. 'I

think things are a bit tight financially for her at the

moment.' That was

as

prepared to give. 'So

much

information as Claire was

anything at

if there's

I'm sure

all,

she'd be interested.'

Trinny nodded.

'I'll

look out for

her,' she said.

'That'd be great.' Claire got up to go and Trinny waved at

her to

sit

down

again. 'Did

Dark evening?' she

was OK,' replied Claire

'It

about doing 'I

you enjoy the Dinner

it

went out

table,'

in the

asked. cautiously.

'I'm not sure

again, though.' a

few nights ago with

Trinny told

a bloke

from our

her.

'How was it?' asked Claire. 'I don't know why I did it,' he was a nice guy. Not

admitted Trinny, 'though

really for

me, but

a nice guy.

Only

Josh found out.' 'Oh.'

'And he went

ballistic,' said

Trinny.

Claire listened sympathetically as Trinny described just

how

ballistic

out on

Josh had gone, culminating in him walking

her.

'And the thing

is,'

said Trinny miserably,

goaded him about leaving

me

if

372

he didn't

like

'I

the

always

way our

How relationship was.

Will I

now

But

Know?

that he has

.

.

.

well,

I

wish he

hadn't.'

'You'd better 'I

call

him

'If

he loves you

then,' said Claire.

'He told me to get

did,' said Trinny.

lost.'

he'll forgive you,' said Claire.

Trinny laughed

shortly.

'You're a romantic at heart,

aren't you?'

'Me? Romantic?

'Of course you

I

don't think

comes to you

that love

'You honestly believe

in a blinding flash

eyed and wonderful for 'I

so!'

are,' said Trinny.

and

it's

starry-

ever.'

don't,' said Claire.

'You believe in for

ever.

You

believe in love.'

'Doesn't everyone?'

'Grow up, days

it's all

She looked

Claire,' said Trinny.

down

about your love

Any

the Dark?

'Not these days. These

about finding someone you can put up with/ at the

paperwork on her desk. 'How

she asked abruptly. 'The Dinner

life?'

in

luck?'

Claire blushed. 'Well, actually I'm going out with

one

of them soon.' 'Claire

Hudson!'

She told Trinny about the invitation from Gary

Collins.

'Which one was he?' asked Trinny. 'Not that gorgeous bloke I'll

who

looked

like

Becks, by any chance? Say yes and

cry.'

'No, 'Still,

sadly.' Claire

Claire.

At

grinned.

least

you've got a date.'

'Dates aren't important,' said Claire. 'Not

when you

have someone already, Trinny. Call Josh. Tell him you

373

O'Flanagan

Sheila

love him. You've got to sort out

what you want

in

your

life.'

Trinny looked a

company with

life.

How

sad

at

her wryly. 'Crazy

employees but

fifty

isn't

it?

I

can't run

I

help run

my own

that!'

is

Georgia was already home. Claire could hear the sound of

game

her PlayStation car-racing lock. Bill

had bought

Both

and Claire had watched

Bill

around

put her key in the

at the

game, which

for her the Christmas before the accident.

daughter whirled cars

as she

Georgia was an absolute whizz

in

astonishment

digital racing cars, rally cars

a variety

as their

and concept

of tracks, setting lap records over and

over again. Neither of them had been the least bit competent at the

curled

up

game, which had amused Georgia no end. She'd in

would round

fits

of laughter

as first Bill

spin, wasting valuable lap time.

had muttered to ally started

Bill

and then Claire

speed and send the car into a

a corner at

The only thing was,

Claire

one evening, when Georgia eventu-

to drive herself, she'd be a bloody maniac

on

the roads!

knocked on the door of Georgia's den and walked The room was now utterly transformed. The walls were covered in framed pictures of Phydough and posters Claire

inside.

of Georgia's favourite boy-band, while the delicate

and

shell

chimes which

Bill

had bought

and which she treasured, hung from the other available surface of her collection of stuffed toys,

glass

for her in Jamaica, ceiling.

Every

room was covered with

her

CDs, PlayStation games, books

and magazines.

374

How

Know?

Will I

Georgia looked up from the game and smiled her mother.

But

track.

Then in

briefly at

she turned her attention back to the

that instant Claire

knew something was

wrong.

'What happened?' she

said.

'Huh?' Georgia winced

as she

misjudged the racing

and the car she was controlling cut over the

line

grass.

'Something's wrong,' said Claire. 'Nothing's wrong.'

'C'mon, Georgey.

It's

me

you're talking

to.'

Georgia sighed and paused the game. She stretched her

arms out

in front

of her and cracked her

keeping

ringers,

her arms extended as she told her mother about the

dent in the burger '.

.

.

and

it

inci-

bar.

wasn't anything terrible, but

I

so -

felt

stupid,' she finished.

'Anyone could've dropped the 'I

know,' said Georgia. 'But

blame

it

it

tray,'

Claire pointed

out

was me. So people could

on my hand and not the

fact that those blokes

banged into me.' 'Did the

girls

blame

it

on your hand?

'Well, no,' admitted Georgia.

my

fault.

They always

stick

up

1

'They kept saying for me.'

'Not everyone does. Karen Devlin

is

a

She

it

bit

wasn't

her

complete

lip.

bitch.

She's always making snide comments.' Claire looked at Georgia thoughtfully. 'Does

it

bother

you?'

'Of course

it

bothers me,' admitted Georgia. 'But

everyone knows Karen

is

nothing but

a slapper anyway.'

'She's probably insecure,' said Claire.

375

O'Flanagan

Sheila

Georgia snorted. 'Don't be so feeble, too secure for her she

knows

own

and everyone wants to be

it

'But her popularity

is

Mum.

She's far

good. She's gorgeous and

flippin'

friends with her.'

how

only based on

she looks,'

said Claire.

'Oh,

I

know that!' Georgia looked

'Knowing

doesn't

it

make

it

disdainfully at Claire.

different,

though, does

it?'

guess not.'

'I

They

each other.

sat in silence beside

don't want people making allowances,' said Georgia

'I

eventually.

'I

don't want them to

Hudson, no dad, no

finger,

"Poor Georgia

say,

no chance."'

'Oh, honey, they won't!' 'You'd be surprised,' said Georgia grimly.

know what

Claire didn't

be

'I'll

all

expression different.

them

right.'

on her mother's

And

if I

to say.

Georgia could see the concerned face. 'I just

mess up because of

don't want to be

my hand

I

want

to say so!'

'But you said that dropping the tray had nothing to do

with your hand.' 'I

know.'

'Then are you being

a

complete goose?' asked Claire.

'Probably,' said Georgia.

know

I

She sighed. 'Oh

Mum, you

don't really mind the finger and the scars and

It's just

- we

talk

now.

about blokes and stuff and we meet

fellas

and mostly they're

great, but

sometimes

up the game control and looked if I'll

ever meet

all

me

those things any more. They're kind of part of

someone who 376

at

it.

.

.

.'

She picked

'Sometimes

I

wonder

really doesn't notice

my

How hand.

mean -

Will I

well - like

Know?

- there's blokes

who

say

it

doesn't matter, but that means they've thought about

it

I

and decided

who

it

doesn't matter. I'd

doesn't even think about

'You

will,'

promised

meet someone

like to

it.'

Claire.

'Maybe.' 'I

thought you were doing

all

'What

right,' said Claire.

about the boy you keep texting?' Georgia blushed. 'He doesn't count,' she nice.

He's a

friend.

But he

lives in

Navan.

can meet up that often.' She peeped her fringe. 'Not into town.

job and

it

like

we can meet up

It's

at Claire

at

all

'He's

like

we

from beneath

unless he

And that's not easy for him 'cos he has mad hours. So we just text/

'You'll find the right

said.

not

has a

comes

summer

person eventually,' said Claire. 'But

you've loads of time, Georgey. Loads.' 'Ah,

I

know.' Georgia shrugged. 'Don't mind me. I'm

blathering.'

Claire ruffled her hair

and Georgia looked

'And don't mess with the 'You'll ruin

my

hair,'

look!'

377

at

her severely.

she told her mother.

Chapter 27

Gladiolus (Sword Lily) - Variety of colours with wide flowers

which can vary enormously in height. Water in dry weather.

By

the middle of the week, Nate had finished in the

garden, including getting someone in to wire up the

soft

green lights which were

area at the back wall.

now sunk

Both Georgia and

into the rockery Claire agreed that

he'd done £ great job and that the garden was absolutely wonderful.

'You need to hold a barbecue or something,' said Nate. 'Celebrate

its

return to

its

former glory'

'Great idea!' cried Georgia. 'But you should've built in a barbie for us.'

did ask,' said Nate mildly.

'I

'Did you?

Oh Mum,

don't

tell

me you

said no!' wailed

Georgia.

'Of course

I

said no.' Claire

the most glorious

times

was

summer of

do we ever have

alive

we probably

made

a barbecue?

only did

378

a face. 'It

the decade, but

it

might be

how many

Even when your dad

once.

And

that

was only

How

Will I

Know?

he wanted to do macho things with hot coals and

'cos

steaks.' 'I

think

it's

a

shame/

garden

said Georgia. 'This

is

just

crying out for one.' think about

'I'll

'But

Mum,

it's

too

said Claire.

it,'

late

now,' Georgia told her. 'Honestly, 1

you could've consulted me about

Claire laughed. 'It's 'It'll

buy

'I'll

it.

a gas one,' she said.

not the same.' have to do.'

She went into the kitchen and wrote thanking him again for

all

cheque

a

the effort and assuring

how

she couldn't have been happier about

for Nate,

him

that

things had

turned out. 'I

enjoyed

thing

it,'

like this

'For

me

windows

he

said. 'It's a

on my own.

It

while since I've done some-

was very therapeutic.

She looked out of the

too,' said Claire softly.

at the

1

neady trimmed lawn, the restored rockery,

the shaped and tapered hedges and the patchwork of

dazzling colour that was her flowerbeds. sad

when

'That's

I

looked

what

all

at

it.

Now

it

lifts

my

good gardens should

She turned to him. 'Thank you,' she

'I

used to

feel

1

spirits.

do.'

Nate smiled.

said.

His blue and green eyes caught her look. She'd grown

used to their odd colours and now, instead of feeling

uncomfortable with them, she was mesmerised by the depth of the blue and the

brilliance

of the green.

And

she

couldn't help thinking that his face was strong and deter-

mined

rather than

dour and angry

She was conscious of

as she'd

his closeness to her

379

once thought.

and the warmth

}

Flanafjan

Sheila

of

body - the scent of

his

heat of the sun and the

his body. Not sweaty from the work he'd done earlier, but musky,

mown

tinged with newly

'grass

wondered how he'd got the to touch jaw.

it,

trace

it

scar

his cheek.

She

earth.

She wanted

cheekbone and down to

across his

She had to clench her

and warm

on

fists

his

together to stop herself

reaching out to him.

She handed him the cheque wordlessly, wondering fingers

would brush hers

he took

as

it

from

if his

her, totally at

a loss to understand her feelings.

Lust, she'd thought

before, and yes, there was

But an ache too.

still lust.

An

ache of wanting someone, wanting something and not

knowing exactly what it was. And knowing that Nate Taylor couldn't give

He put

was

it

was

to her anyway.

watching her

as

he folded the cheque and

into the back pocket of his cargo pants.

Her mouth

dry.

'Hey, if

it

still

Mum!' Georgia spun

Robs and

to see if

I

UCI

go to

I can.

But

we'll

into the kitchen.

this afternoon?

come back

'Is it

She texted

here so's

I

OK me

can get

my stuff together and her mum will pick us up for tonight.' Claire felt the bubble in

which she'd been suspended

explode around her. She blinked and looked

at

her

daughter.

'Huh?' 'Tonight.

Me

can stay out

having a sleepover with Robs? So's you

late for

your big date! You hadn't actually

forgotten, had you?' She rolled her eyes heavenwards.

'Of course

I

hadn't forgotten,' said Claire. 'And yes,

you can go the cinema

if

you want 380

to.'

How

Will I

Know?

'Great!' said Georgia, already rapidly sending a

message

back to her friend. Claire cleared her throat. 'Are

directly to Robyn's?'

demanded Georgia.

'Are you mad?' all

you sure you don't want

you and go

to take your stuff with

'I'm not carting

cinema with me. Besides

that into the

wickedly at Claire,

'I

.

want to be here to

.

.'

she looked

how you

see

look.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake!' Claire knew she was snapping at

Georgia but she couldn't help

herself.

Tm

perfectly

capable of getting dressed myself.'

Nate looked from one to the other.

'My

mum

is

going on

'With a bloke she met

Georgia confided.

a date tonight,'

at a party!'

'Lucky you,' said Nate. 'I'm

sitting in

with

a bottle

of

beer and a pizza.'

'Sounds good to me,' said Claire

'Don't forget said. 'It

tautly.

She smiled

1 him. 'Anyway, thanks again for everything.

briefly at

I'll

be back to deal with your

was already included have to

'You'll

come back

trees,"

he

in the price/ all

the time,' said Georgia.

'We've got used to you round the place. You can be our gardener.'

'Georgia! Really. That's not

T

could,' said Nate,

weeks or

how Mr

you wanted.

Taylor works.'

Come

every two

so?'

'We'll see.' Claire

'Anyway, 'Yes.

'if

I'll

was

flustered.

go now.'

Thanks.'

He went

out to the garden again and gathered up

381

his

Sheila O'Flanajjan

belongings then put them into a wheelbarrow and brought it

to the front of the house.

'Be seeing you,' he said as he loaded

it

into the back

of the green van. 'Be seeing you,' said Claire, and walked back into the

house.

After Georgia had gone too, Claire sat in the garden,

enjoying the scents of the flowers and the brightness of the colours but feeling forlorn at the thought that Nate

Taylor wouldn't be back again at eight o'clock the following morning. I'm being ridiculous, she told herself.

And

Utterly, stupidly, childishly ridiculous.

why, because I

I

might have these

see him, but I really don't

She closed her eyes and

was of Jamaica again and

lust- filled

know him asleep.

fell

a part

at

At

I don't know moments when all.

of her knew that

be the horrible dream and didn't want to have instead of fading into the dread-filled

stood on the balcony with

the dream

first

Bill,

this

it

would

now. But

moment where

along the twisting pathway through the hotel garden. the gardener

who was

hacking

the coconut tree outside their

at the

room was Nate

herself up.

Her

As

Taylor.

Bill

ear.

A tiny fly landed on her cheek. woke

And

enormous fronds of

they walked by him, he handed her an orchid which

then tucked behind her

she

she was suddenly walking

She brushed

it

away and

heart was thumping again, but not

with the terror that the usual Jamaica dream brought.

It

was thumping with not knowing what would have happened

next.

And how

the hell did Nate have an orchid

382

How

Will I

Know?

hand, she muttered to herself as she rubbed her eyes,

in his

when he was supposed

to be cutting a coconut tree?

was

five o'clock.

She went into the kitchen and made

herself a

cup of pear

tea.

It

Then

down

she sat

at the table

and opened the newspaper. She'd barely read the

when

first

she heard Georgia's key in the lock and the two

page girls

burst into the kitchen.

Mum,

'Hi,

it

was

a great movie!' cried

Georgia enthu-

siastically.

'Really excellent,

Mrs H,' agreed Robyn.

'Glad you enjoyed

Or

drink?

are

some other 'Any it.

it.

Would you two

like

anything to

you maxed out on Coke and popcorn or

rubbish?' she asked as she folded the paper.

juice in the fridge?'

Georgia was already opening

She took two cartons from the shelf and handed one

to Robyn.

'What time's your

'Six,' said

mum

getting here?

1

Robyn.

Georgia looked

at her

watch, and then

at Claire.

What

time are you going out?' she asked. 'I'm meeting Gary at seven,' replied Claire.

'You'd better get your skates on,' said Robyn. 'Plenty of time,' Claire told her.

'What 'I

are

you going to wear?' asked Georgia.

haven't decided yet.'

'Oh,

Mum!' Georgia looked

you know you 'The bus to 'It's a

anxious. 'You'll be

long walk!' cried Georgia.

you'll never

late,

How're you getting to the Point?' Amiens Street and then walk,' said Claire. will.

make

'If

you don't go soon

it.'

'I'm not going until Leonie

383

calls for

you.'

Sheila

text her,' said

'I'll

O'Flanagan

Robyn. 'Make sure she gets here

in

plenty of time.'

'Meantime, you'd better change,' said Georgia.

'OK, OK.' Claire drained her

tea

and went

Honestly, she thought, Georgia was getting for her

own good! She took

floral skirt (it

wasn't one she'd

worn much because

now

had

laid

them on the

she went into the bathroom, washed her face,

cleaned her teeth and dabbed on

She changed into the

skirt

and

Kenzo and went downstairs

'OK'

it

perfect), white top

and blue jacket out of the wardrobe and

Then

too bossy

her recently unearthed blue

always seemed a bit tight but was

bed.

upstairs.

far

some

tinted moisturiser.

jacket, sprayed herself with

again.

she said.

Georgia looked

at

her gloomily. 'That's what you're

wearing?'

'What's 'Well,

wrong with

you look

like

it?'

asked Claire defensively.

you're going to a meeting!' cried

Georgia.

T

am,' said Claire. 'I'm meeting a man.'

'She means a business meeting, 'It's

a bit dull.

And

Claire frowned. 'This

'You bought

about

'I

said

Robyn.

is

a perfectiy nice skirt,' she said.

the top, Georgey, so you can't complain

that.'

'It's fine,'

lessly

me

Mrs H,'

the colour isn't great.'

said Georgia, 'just

not very sexy and hope-

out of fashion.' don't want to be sexy!' cried her mother.

'Of course you do,' objected Georgia. 'You're on a date.' 'I'm seriously worried about what you

384

girls

think consti-

How

Will I

Know?

tutes the right get-up for a date/ said Claire dryly. it's

'And

not that kind of date.'

'Well,

what kind of date

demanded Georgia.

it?'

is

Mum. A

'You're meeting a bloke,

bloke you don't really

know. He's invited you out.' 'Yes,

but that doesn't mean

I

have to dress

like

Christina

Aguilera, for heaven's sake!'

Georgia and Robyn burst into a

'OK, bad example,' conceded

of giggles.

fit

Claire.

'Nobody goes out

dressed like Christina for any reason.' 'I

know

that

for a date,' said is

that

not the same

it's

Georgia

you should look

Claire

normal people going

as

I'm saying,

though you've made an

Mum, effort.'

remembered her night out with Paul and all the the bus who'd appeared to have made

men and women on an effort. And that

Paul had

supposed that wearing if

as

seriously. 'All

she hadn't

made an

effort for her.

a five-year-old skirt

worn them

and

jacket,

She even

for at least three, wasn't exactly

a real effort.

'And what would making an 'Something that says

"I'm

livelier,'

free

and

said

effort entail?

1

she asked.

Robyn. 'You know, something

single

and up

1

for it".

'Robyn O'Malley!'

Robyn and Georgia 'It's

started to laugh again.

not funny,' said Claire, although her mouth was

beginning to twitch. 'All

we're saying,' Georgia told her,

have to look

like a

nun who's been

for the day.' 'I

don't!' protested Claire.

385

let

'is

that

you don't

out of the convent

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Maybe

if

you slapped on

a bit

more

Mrs

lippy,

H

.' .

.

suggested Robyn. 'That's really pale

sort

T

you

it,'

agreed Georgia. 'That blue makes you look

and uninteresting. Extra blusher and

lippy

would

out.'

don't need sorting out.' Claire was firm. 'I'm

The two

fine.'

looked unconvinced.

girls

'What about your new

demanded Georgia.

skirts?'

'They're too casual,' protested Claire.

'OK, whatever,' winked

at

and watch

She shrugged and then

said Georgia.

Robyn. 'Come on, Robs. Let's go to

TV

'Right-ho.'

until

your

mum

my

den

gets here.'

Robyn nodded and

the

two

girls

trotted out

of the kitchen. Claire unfolded the paper again.

Leonie O'Malley picked them up on time and caused shrieks

of joy by

at their favourite

telling

them

waved

didn't feel like cooking. She to have a

that they'd be stopping off

Chinese on the way

home

at Claire

because she

and told her

good time and then took off into the evening. went up to her bedroom and

After they'd gone, Claire

stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't look pale and uninteresting. She looked like a normal for an evening.

Not

a thirty- something

look twenty-something. Just

maybe, she conceded, maybe

was why she'd shoved the the wardrobe. just

.

.

well

.

.

.

a fraction dull.

skirt

Not because

.

woman going out woman trying to normal. But Perhaps that

and jacket to the back of

they were too small for her,

because they were too dull for her!

386

How

a

Will I

Know'

She sat down on the edge of the bed and thought tor moment. When she'd gone out with Bill (not bloody

often enough, of course, because he was always knackered at the

end of a day's surgery) she'd

a T-shirt.

Or

jeans

and

dressed up she'd wear one of her

of the jeans

been on

them

and

When

wanted she did

always liked. fat

The

she w as feeling

version of the Michelin

down

the side

and so they were impossible to wear,

[f she'd

really

ripple

might fed skinny enough to gi\e

She usually bought

a dress

whenever she was

encourage her to keep going. They

starting a diet to

weren't

Bill

would

that

fat

a crazy diet she

a go.

felt like a

jeans

was getting

effort she

tight-fitting dresses.

Sometimes she

with wodges of fabric

worn

printed skirts instead

of course, also depended on how

at the time.

of the

floral

how much

wear her hair up, which

that she'd

man

depending on

one of her

to make,

dresses,

or,

usually

a pretty top. If she

much of an encouragement, of course; more

often they drove her to despair. But then on the occasions

she could

fit

into

them she

felt

wonderful.

She chewed on the inside of her

lip

as

she looked

through her clothes. She didn't have anything that was both dressy and casual the scorched ochre

with

beading that she'd worn she

felt

same time. The

at the

silk

in

its

closest

Jamaica and any other time

skinny enough to squeeze into

it.

It

was ancient

but very beautiful and could be either dressed up or

depending on her

down

accessories.

She slipped out of her over her head.

was

tiny pattern in sapphire

skirt

and top and

It fitted perfectly

bones stuck out from beneath the

387

slid

the dress

now, of course. Her hip silk.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

The memory came back to her like an dinner. Cork. Incheydony. Bill

arrow. Anniversary

had surprised her by taking

her to the renowned spa, where she'd been massaged and

kneaded and wrapped and scrubbed

They'd had dinner

until she

in the restaurant

glowed.

overlooking the

Adantic Ocean and she'd worn the scorched ochre dress.

She wriggled out of

it

and hung

it

up.

Then

she took

her favourite jeans out of the wardrobe and put them on

along with a white T-shirt and a black leather jacket. She

looked thank

of

at herself again.

God

for jeans

Not

and

entirely sexy, she thought.

T-shirts,

style.

388

But

which never went out

Chapter 28

Cheiranthus (Wallflower) - Usually

yellow,

orange and red

flowers on erect spikes. Plant firmly.

Crowds Claire

of people swirled around the Point and

was

afraid she

at first

wouldn't be able to sec Gary.

In fact she was concerned that she wouldn't recognise him

-

after

all,

knew

she

his voice better than his Ucc\

Hut

then she saw him, standing just inside the gates, dressed in casual trousers

and

jumper draped over

a sea island cotton shirt, a navy blue

his shoulders.

He'd worked hard

look so casual, thought Claire. Suddenly she

felt

to

bad about

choosing the jeans and T-shirt, even though she knew she

OK

looked

up

for

them. Maybe she should've worn the

in

scorched ochre

silk after all!

going out

Gary smiled

is

a

God, she thought,

in recognition as

kissed her lighdy

he caught sight of her, then

on the cheek and put

his

hand on her back

to shepherd her through the queue. She

grown-up felt

with

as she

Bill.

this dressing

complete nightmare.

felt

positively

stood beside him, in a way that she'd never

When

she'd gone out with her husband they'd

389

Sheila

O ¥lanagan y

always been equals, friends of course, lovers certainly, but neither

one of them dominating the

on the

other. Gary,

other hand, took complete Charge of the evening, ushering her into her seat, fussing over her and making sure that she

was perfectly comfortable. thought

someone being that if she

nice to be looked after, I

could put up with

this attentive all the time.

only because

herself, that's

It's

although I'm not sure

Claire,

went out

our

it's

regularly with

first

date.

But, she told

She supposed

Gary he'd probably make

programme made another

her be the one to go back to the foyer for the

or buy the drinks! She smiled inwardly as she

mental note to keep for Georgia. They can be

charming but you have to ask

Gary chatted to her

as

yourself, will

they waited for the

talking about a project his firm

really, really

show

was involved

in

problems they were having sourcing labour and She listened

him

attentively, feeling that

it

to start,

and the

materials.

was important to

that she took an interest in his work.

when

Is it real?

it last?

But she was glad

the music finally started - there was only so

know about

she needed to

much

pre -fabricated walls and the

depth of foundations.

The production was

superb. She cried at the end

when

Eliza

went back to Professor Higgins, even though she

knew

that the

George Bernard Shaw play on which

based had ended differently - and probably more cally,

was

she thought wryly as she sniffed. Gary smiled at her

and offered her 'I

it

realisti-

have

my

'Just as well,'

hanky and

it's

a tissue.

own,' she

he told

said,

rummaging

in

her bag.

her. 'Because I only

never actually been used.'

390

have a

silk

How

Will I

Know?

They laughed. She was enjoying

They moved

herself.

outside with the rest of the crowds.

'Thank you,' she evening

balmy

said as they stepped into the

'That was really great.'

air.

'Oh, there's more to come.'

She looked

at

him

questioningly.

'Champagne,' he told

my

This time she stared 'It's a

in

Dublin.

at

We

were the builders of the block.

'Sounds

go

have

I

city.'

lovely,' she said.

can't possibly

'Why

him.

top-floor apartment,' he told her. 'The best in

wonderful views over the

I

'And strawberries. Back

her.

apartment.'

'Your apartment,

I

mean. But

there.'

not?' he asked.

She didn't know which reason to give him. That she

thought the sound of

chilling

champagne

them was completely over the

for

top; that

already waiting it

implied them

sleeping together, which wasn't going to happen, because

even be

if

she wanted

home

it

- and she didn't - she'd

for Georgia the next

way she could get to Dundrum anyway because mean being driven by someone there and back 'It's really .

.

.

.

sweet of you,' she told him. 'But I'm not

not ready to go to your apartment.'

'Oh, come on, Claire!' to

would

it

.

.

have to

still

morning; that there was no

come

He

laughed. 'Of course you want

back.'

'No,' she said.

'I

don't.'

This time he stared at her. 'We're both adults,' he 'There's

no big moral

issue here.'

391

said.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

nothing to do with morals,' said Claire.

'It's

that

'It's

simply

don't want to go to your place tonight.'

I

'Claire,

I

think you're a really attractive

woman.

I'd like

you to come back with me.' think you're very attractive too,' she told him. 'But

'I

there's

no

way.'

'No way!' He looked this great

'Am

I

me no way?' come back with you because of it?'

obliged to

She frowned. 'Am

I? Is

seem to have got

'I

Dinner

at the

her in amazement. 'We've had

at

evening together and you're telling

one of the

that

this all

in the Dark.

rules?'

wrong,' said Gary. 'You were

We held hands around the table.

You talked about getting naked! And now - now you won't come home with me?' 'I didn't come home with you then either!' she cried spiritedly.

bought the best

'I

'Yes, well,

tickets in the house,' said Gary.

you didn't buy me.'

him and began

Claire turned

away from

to walk quickly towards the gates.

He

'Claire! Claire!'

caught up with

her. 'Wait.'

She turned to him. 'I'm sorry.

Maybe

I

was

imply that you had to come

- you'd want

it's

.

.

my

hop

.'

She

bit

fault. If

into

I

didn't

with me.

I

just

mean

to

thought

to.'

'No,' she said.

but

a bit crass.

home

'I

her

don't.

lip.

I

had

a

good time with you, I really am. Maybe quaff champagne and

'I'm sorry, Gary.

I'm not prepared to

bed with people then

I

shouldn't accept their

invitations.'

'You're

making me sound 392

like a

goddamn

pimp,' he

How T

said angrily.

assuming that

woman

want

will

at

them. Claire

'Maybe

it is,'

felt

.

.

.

decide

will

.

.

.

tor

just sex!'

it's

group of people, hearing

look

Know?

don't think there's anything wrong with a

crying out loud, Claire,

A

Will I

his raised voice,

turned to

her face flush.

she said. 'But

to have sex with you, Gary.

it's I

not for me.

do

like

you.

I I

don't want did have a

great time tonight. But I'm not getting into bed with you.

T

don't believe there are

the place,' he said.

'Sure

eyes.

did,'

I

he

women

to her

said.

Amy!

him

a great time.

She

Amyr

'And we had

1

loved the champagne. She loved the straw berries.

loved

my

'Well

5

at

mouth. She looked

'You slept with

1

you around

like

wasn't a problem with

'It

hand flew

Claire's

through wide

still

And

she

apartment.'

why

demanded 'Because

the hell didn't you bring her out tonight?

1

Claire. I like

you

too,' said Gary.

be fun. You were fun

"I

thought

it

would

at the dinner.'

'Oh my God.' Times had changed, she thought. People didn't have exclusive relationships any more. There was

nothing wrong with Gary wanting to go out with

and Claire and anyone

him sleeping with just

all

else

he chose.

Though

of them bothered

her.

Ann

the idea of

Maybe I'm

too old-fashioned, she thought wryly.

'You think there's something wrong with

She shook her head. ups and

all

'Actually,

I

that?"

suppose not. Grown-

that sort of thing. I'm sorry, Gary. I'm obvi-

ously not that grown-up.'

'No wonder your husband headed 393

off,'

he said

tersely.

Sheila

O ¥lanagan y

them

Claire said nothing. She'd told

the a

Dark

comment from Cormae about

wore

a

wedding

accident.

at the

Dinner

in

had been married and had dismissed

that she

ring.

the fact that she

She hadn't told them about

still

Bill's

So when they'd assumed she was divorced or

now

separated she hadn't enlightened them. But

she

wished she'd told the truth, so that Gary couldn't possibly think that Bill had

left her.

'I'm going now,' she told

him

as she

and took out some money. 'Here's 'Oh, don't be 'No,

He

silly.'

looked

my

at

opened her bag

share tor tonight.'

her in resignation.

she said, holding the notes out to him.

really,'

'I

hate to think that you're out of pocket.'

'Forget

it,'

he

you'd be up for

said. 'I

it,

misread the situation.

Claire. It's fine.

from her and walked to the rows of parked Claire slid the

money back into

I

thought

No problem.' He turned cars.

her purse. She'd misread

the situation too. She'd agreed to the date pardy because,

having learned

how

difficult

it

was to

actually ask

someone

out, she didn't feel able to refuse; partly because she

thought she might find out more stuff for Georgia; and pardy because she wanted her daughter to see her strong person

who

could go out with

new

as a

people. She'd

been shaken by Georgia's admission that she believed she

had to show strength

for Claire's sake. If she

went out

with other men, Claire thought, Georgia would surely think she was over

had to watch over

Bill

though she

and wouldn't

feel as

seemed to her

that she did things

her.

She sighed deeply.

It

with the best of intentions but

somehow

394

they never turned

How

Willi Know?

as she expected. And whoever would've thought Gary - possibly the least attractive of the men round the table - had already bedded Amy! Claire wondered

out quite that

whether or not he was working she thought about so amusing

in the abstract,

it

when you were

seemed

It

way through

a longer

It

same

even though not quite

the next

on

his

list.

walk back to the bus stop than from

city

was quiet

murky waters of

God, she thought, I'm such can't

go out with men

like!

Or

resilient to

not like

She walked along the quay-

after dark.

watching the reflection of the old-fashioned

lights ripple in the

it's

in the

direction, as Claire suddenly realised that this area

of the side,

the

all

was funny when

Fortunately there were a lot of people heading

it.

I

his

he'd met that night. She giggled.

girls

all

just

my

because

I

it

And Eavan was

right.

want to

what

I

see

want to appear strong and

They do want more. And even

daughter.

of them would want

Gary,

a fool.

because

just

street

the Liffev.

isn't fair to

me

to

hop

into bed with

go out with them under

if

them false

pretences.

She

bit

her

lip.

Had going

out with someone under to find out about herself, or

men

false

out with Gary been going pretences?

Had

she done

for Georgia, like she'd

it

promised

because she'd been flattered and secretly pleased

Of course he'd asked someone else He'd asked Amy. And Amy had slept with him, which was what he'd really wanted all along. that he'd asked her? too!

Maybe

she

would have

felt

differently if Oliver

the asking out. She couldn't help wanting to better because he

had done

know

was so damn good-looking, even

395

Oliver if

she

Sheila

O'Flanagan

had chickened out by leaping on to the bus But

it

seemed to

of how she

felt

life.

On the

about anything any more.

she couldn't bear the idea of anyone but in her

after the dinner.

Claire that she really wasn't in control

On the other

to be telling her that

...

on the

Bill

one hand

having a place

other, her

body seemed

wasn't a crime to want someone

it

else.

Maybe

it

was

some kind of physical need

just

her that had been dormant for the

unknown

last

inside

of

three years. Perhaps,

to herself, she was turning into a sex -starved

nymphomanic.

Her body or her mind? She wished which was

Oh

nympho with

Bill.

You You had a good sex-life. A need to jump his bones every

one. But you didn't You don't need to do it now

fulfilling

either.

Fop any

damn

There was nobody

to complete strangers

reason.

at the

bus stop. She glanced

and wondered whether she had missed the after half past eleven. last

knew

well

get a grip, she muttered under her breath.

weren't a

day!

damn

she

right!

bus

left.

of walking

A taxi

last

at

her watch

one.

She looked around her uncertainly. The idea

home

drove

didn't really bother her, but she was tired.

by, its

yellow sign bright on the roof. She

swallowed hard. Could she do

it?

Could she get

a taxi

her own? If she was feeling more light-hearted about if

things didn't

seem too awful any more,

able to get into a taxi?

happened

was

It

She couldn't remember what time the

in a taxi.

They

But the still

396

first

happened

on

life,

surely she'd be

panic attack had in cars.

So what

How would she do

if

of the night. She'd be

Come

taxi

Know?

she was gripped with panic again? All the

same, the journey was

Another

Will I

drove

less

than ten minutes

hour

at this

home before she knew by. And another.

it.

on, Claire, she urged herself. If Georgia can

put up with horrible boys calling her names, you can get

goddamn

into a

taxi!

She raised her arm and the next

cab pulled in beside her. She opened the door. The whiff

of

a pine-scented air-freshener assailed her.

been She

pine-scented

a

felt

air- freshener in

prickles of sweat

There had

the Jamaican taxi.

on the back of her neck. Less

than ten minutes, she told herself. iMaybe only

five.

Five

minutes was nothing. She got into the back driver. It

seemed to wrap

felt

and gave her address to the

seat

She closed the door. The smell was overwhelming.

her heart beat

tight to the

itself faster.

around

her, clinging to her.

She

She closed her eyes and gripped

arm -rest.

She could hear the taxi-driver saying something to her but she had no idea what

it

was. She thought she might

have grunted an answer at him but she wasn't sure. The sweat was rolling

between her arm-rest.

I

down

breasts.

her back

now and

Her palms were wet

into the

V

against the

can't stay in here, she thought wildly.

I

just

can't!

'Here you

She

are.'

realised that they'd stopped.

She opened her

eyes.

They were outside her house. 'Thanks.' She pushed open the car door and stood outside

on the pavement

as she

397

fumbled with her purse.

Sheila

have killed you

'I'd

if

O'Flanagan

you'd been

driver told her. 'Honest to

sick in

my

cab,' the

God, woman, you'd think you'd

have more sense.'

He

thought she was drunk. She almost laughed

at the

idea. 'All this

binge bloody drinking,' said the taxi-driver.

took the notes from her and rummaged

He

in the coin tray

for change. 'It's

OK,' she

said. 'That's fine.'

'Thanks.'

She knew she'd overtipped him but she didn't hurried up the garden path and

let herself

She wished that Georgia wasn't sleeping over

a clue

to

tell

about

her she wasn't a stupid

woman who

one eye and then closed as

it

A

bottle of

and no one to drink

with!

it

He'd probably

just call

cup of

opened

Poor old Gary, she

down and

the feeling of

champagne waiting

Not

a

in his basket,

again.

her heartbeat slowed

dizziness passed.

course.

hadn't

life.

thydough, who was sleeping

thought,

Robyn's

at

She went into the kitchen and made herself tea.

She

someone with her now,

tonight. She wished that there was

someone

care.

into the house.

really

at

home

poor old Gary, of

Amy. Or

Stella.

She emptied the dregs of the tea into the sink and rinsed the cup before leaving hall

and

it

set the alarm.

on

the drainer. She

As she keyed

in the

went into the

numbers she

noticed that the red light of her answering machine was flashing.

Hell, she thought,

I

hope Georgey wasn't looking

for

me. But Georgia would've called on the mobile, and 398

How although she'd set have

known

it

Willi Know?

to silent in the theatre she

would

was ringing.

if it

She pressed Play on the answering machine. 'Hi, Claire,' said the voice. 'This

was wondering

if

.

.

.

if

with me? I've tickets for

mentioned that you

is

Oliver Ramsey.

I

you'd care to come to the theatre

My

Fair Lady next week. You

liked musicals. Let

Goodbye.'

399

me know.

Thanks.

Chapter 29

Cerastium (Snow -in Summer) that can spread quickly

and

A

carpet of white flowers

choke out nearby plants.

The following Tuesday Glenn and Saffy were curled up on the

sofa watching cartoons

the door. Glenn looked

up

at

when Eavan walked

in

her and Eavan smiled uncer-

tainly.

'How'd 'Well

.

.

it .

go?' he asked.

sort of good,' she replied.

'Oh?'

'They offered 'I

mean,

it's

me

a job.' Eavan's tone

book-keeping stuff and the salary

home

about, but

Glenn

it's

to an e-mailed estate a

isn't

it's

mainly

anything to write

a start.'

said nothing.

Eavan held her breath.

She'd received a phone

trial

was apologetic.

not a great job or anything, Glenn,

CV she'd

call

that

sent to a

morning

DIY

store

in response

on the

indus-

few miles away. She'd spotted the ad on an

internet jobs page

and reckoned that

it

would be worth

her while replying. She'd been hoping that the news from

400

How Locum look

Libris

would be

weekend

at the

like

to

tell

Will I

Know?

positive, but Claire

had phoned

moment

her that at the

it

didn't

there was anything doing in her old company.

Eavan kept her disappointment to herself- doing work

Locum

Libris at

home would've been

Hearing that they didn't have anything had shaken because from the

moment Glenn had

could make everything

all

Trinny and Joe again. After

belief that she

right by simply all, it

her,

told her of his depar-

from Trontec she'd held on to the

ture

for

ideal.

working

had happened

for

for Claire.

Realising that she couldn't just step back into the job had

been disconcerting.

And

so she'd looked up other jobs on

the internet, telling herself that anything

would do. At the

same time she was hoping that something would come up for Glenn - he'd shown her the list of places that had his

CV

and she was even more shocked (though she

hide

it)

at

how many companies

many didn't have anything The DIY store had been

for him.

Looking

on Glenn's

at the expression

the

tried to

he'd contacted and how

first

interview she'd done. face

now, she

felt

guilty that they'd offered her the job. 'Full time?'

he asked.

She nodded. 'Ordinary

'And what about

Saffy?'

office hours.'

he asked.

'What about me?' Saffy stood up on the sofa and beamed at

Eavan.

Eavan handed her the out of the store (she at the

took

lollipop she'd

really disliked the

bought on her way way they put sweets

checkouts; such a nightmare for parents) and Saffy

it

in delight.

401

O'Flanagan

Sheila

home you

'While you're at

can look after her/ said

Eavan. 'Once you get something

'When do you

else, we'll see.'

start?'

'Next week,' said Eavan. 'What's the salary?'

Eavan told him and he looked 'That's not too bad,

more when you chucked

before,' he said. 'You

.

were well

.

dismissively.

'You wanted to give

who

was there

'I

it

Locum

in

Libris,'

for years!'

up, though, didn't you?

asked, even

your job

in

paid.'

was easy to become senior

it

Eavan

the one

.'

a bit

'You were quite senior

'Oh,

her thoughtfully.

needed someone quickly and they

'Well, I guess they

were prepared to pay

said

at

is it?'

though you always

You were

said

you had

an interesting job.'

Eavan sighed. 'This as senior.

Not

is

a completely different job.

as interesting.

And I'm

sure

it's

Not

only tempo-

rary.'

'But you're stuck doing

it

because of me.'

'Oh, for God's sake!' She tried to keep the exasperation out of her voice. 'Glenn, these things happen. really do.

To

so miserable about

you

it.

You

will get

another job. You

know

will.'

She time

They

everyone. So please, please, please stop being

.

sat .

.'

down

in the armchair opposite. 'In the

She moistened her

there's an estate agent

lips,

'.

.

.in the

coming to look

mean-

meantime

at the

house

tomorrow' Glenn looked

at

her speechlessly while Eavan told him

402

How once again that

as far as she

Know?

was concerned she couldn't

the same about the house ever again and that

feel

much kill

Will I

it

was

money for it and run than try to by keeping it. And she told him that as far

better to take the

themselves

as she

was concerned they were partners, not

didn't

want him obsessing about the

rivals,

so she

got a

fact that she'd

job and he hadn't because he was a specialist whereas she just

turned her hand to any old thing.

one of the great benefits of being

you jobs and didn't expect you to you got into the

place.

looked defiantly

him.

at

When

It

was, she said,

a female.

People offered

try

and rob

theirs

once

she finished talking she

'You're right,' he said eventually. 'Right about every-

Which

thing.

a real pain, because

is

you always want to be

right.'

She

said nothing.

'And

if

you're the one

who

of dawn and go to work for

some

quality time with

really

is.'

'I

know

'It's

it's

not

easy,'

not easy because

'But you're right.

of all of us. 'Great.'

Then

my

And

I

a

has to get up at the crack

few months while

spend It

she said.

my ego

is

in bits,'

can't just think of me.

if this

I

daughter, that's fine by me.

works

for

all

of us

.

.

I .'

he admitted. have to think

He

shrugged.

She got up from the armchair and kissed him.

she went upstairs and took off her jacket. She leaned

her head against the silendy. Please let

bedroom

wall.

Please, she prayed

him get something soon.

Georgia and Claire had gone to

403

visit

Eileen in Dundalk.

OTlanajjan

Sheila

Because she was getting ready to move, even though

would be

finalised, the

Tm

house already had an

not neglecting

it!'

Claire's

comment.

just that

keeping

it

like

my

up to

'It's

when

nodded

of neglect about

I'm not

I

know

it.

it

doesn't

feel

odd

still

actually quite

it's

myself

killing

scratch. It's strange, but

there are other people plotting

and planning to change things Claire

air

Eileen in response to

cried

house any more, and

being here

it

few more weeks before the contracts were

a

in

it.'

in understanding.

'Why don't you move out now?' asked Georgia. 'Because the apartment isn't ready yet,' Eileen told her. 'Actually the they're out.'

whole thing

due to move

She made a

in

face.

is

being precision-timed -

almost the day I'm due to

'Only thing

is,

round to take measurements and stuff like

me

move

they keep calling that. It's driving

crazy.'

'Well

why

don't you stay with us for a while?' asked

Georgia. Eileen glanced at Claire.

and

I

could

'Why

live in

not?'

each other,

really

don't think your

mum

demanded Georgia.

'It's

not

like

you hate

is it?'

'No,' said Eileen. 'But are living

'I

the same house for any length of time.'

it's

different

under the same roof. Your

doing things and

I

have mine, and

when two

mum

has her

we might

get

adults

way of

on each

other's nerves.'

'You wouldn't get on anyone's nerves,' declared Georgia. Eileen laughed.

404

How

Will I

Know?

'Come and

'She has a point,' said Claire. while.

You don't have

if you

don't want

a

few weeks

to.

to stay until everything

put up with you for

for a

visit

completed

In any event we're only talking about

What makes you

most.

at the

is

a

think

I

can't

few weeks?'

'Yeah, Gran, you could stay in my room and I can move down to the den,' said Georgia. 'I don't sleep in it on my own usually 'cos it's in the basement and Mum sleeps near

the top of the house and

though

it

'We'll

- but

isn't really

see,'

said

feels

it

if you're

miles away even

like

staying, that's different/

'Thank you,

Eileen.

Claire.

And

Georgia.'

'Anyway, overs last

if

I

can have Robyn over for

Saturday night.

We

know,' said Claire

'I

a

few more sleep

-

I'm downstairs,' said Georgia. 'We had great fun

watched movies drily.

for ages.'

'You were supposed to be

in

bed.'

'Yeah, right.' Georgia giggled. Claire laughed too.

Eileen looked at her daughter and her granddaughter

with affection. Both of them were looking well, she thought. Georgia, especially, with the new

summer also

tan, appeared

looked

seen her.

a

good

And

both healthy and

deal healthier than the

less stressed.

Though

tion of pain in her eyes. Eileen

haircut ^nd

attractive. Claire last

there was

time she'd

still

wondered whether

a reflecit

would

ever leave her.

'Did

Mum

tell

you about her

date?' asked

Georgia

mischievously.

'Oh, did you go?' Eileen looked

you told me.' 405

at Claire.

'An old friend,

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Ah, Gran, you're

way behind the

times,' said Georgia.

'You're thinking about Paul, aren't you?' 'There's more?'

'Way more!' Georgia's eyes gleamed. 'You've no

idea!'

'Claire?'

'Honestly, Georgey, you're such a a curl

stirrer.'

behind her ear and made a face

with the

girls

out and

I

from work,

Mum. And

Claire tucked

at her. 'I

went out

then a guy asked

me

went.'

'Claire!'

'She hasn't told

you what

it

was

all

about,' said Georgia.

'Go on, Mum.' So

Claire told Eileen about the

Dinner

in the

Dark and

her subsequent date with Gary. She didn't, however,

mention the champagne and strawberries, merely

telling

her mother (as she'd already told Georgia) that she'd had a

good time but

that she

doubted she'd

see

Gary again

because he just wasn't her kind of guy.

'And have you heard from any of the

others?' Eileen

was absolutely astounded that Claire had gone to the dinner in the it

as

first

place.

She would never have imagined

anything her daughter would do.

'This

is

what's so amazing,' Georgia said before Claire

could speak. 'She's going out with another one tomorrow night!

should

Can you really

attracting

believe

it,

Gran?

I

mean, I'm the one

be having loads of blokes, but

them

like

who

Mum

is

bees to honey.'

'Georgia!' Claire flushed a deep crimson.

'So

do you think

this

man

is

asked Eileen. 'What's his name?'

406

more your

type of guy?'

How

Will I

Know?

'Oliver,' said Claire.

'She

met him

before,' explained Georgia.

when

get rid of a wasps' nest

I

was

in

'He came to

Galway.

Mum

says

he's gorgeous!' 'Is

he?'

Claire squirmed. 'He's very attractive,' she admitted.

'But honesdy, you guys,

asked

me

it's

just a coincidence that

he

out.'

'Coincidence

my eye!'

exclaimed Georgia.

working her way through them Just like Gary,

thought

'I

think she's

all.'

Claire.

'And how about you?' asked Eileen, looking

at

Georgia.

'How's your love -life?' Georgia blushed and Claire laughed. 'Her

text-life,

more

Though who were those boys I saw you and Robyn walking down the road with on Sunday afternoon?' like.

'They're in her music guys.'

class,' said

Georgia. 'They're just

She blushed again. She hadn't

realised that Claire

had seen them on Sunday. Sam and Denzil were nice blokes but they were just friends. Not

like Steve. Steve.

She closed

her eyes and conjured up his face.

His

last text

had been

full

of how

shitty

life

was

at

home.

His father had gone to England for a couple of weeks and his

mother was busy writing her book about

Celtic

mythology. She didn't even notice that he was working the graveyard shift at the leisure centre. She didn't actually

notice

school.

him

He was

at

fed

all.

He

couldn't wait to get back to

up with the long

was ridiculous. Nobody

else in the

holidays.

407

holidays.

Two months

world got two months'

Sheila

O Flanagan y

Georgia had texted him back to beg him to come up to

town on

his next

she told him.

Spend

day a

off.

They could meet

for coffee,

day together. He'd texted back to

say that he didn't actually have a day off for a while. that he'd seriously consider feel

warm

it.

inside.

408

But

Which had made Georgia

Chapter 30

Alchemilla (Lady's Mantle) - Branching sprays of tiny

commonly yellow -green. Self-sown

flowers,

seedlings can be

troublesome.

sat on made up her

Georgia

the double bed and watched as Claire face for her

second

Lady. She'd cracked up with laughter

where she was going, for

trip to sec

when

telling her that she

not admitting to Oliver that she'd seen

made wide

then she'd

whether

it

Fair

was plain

silly

already.

And

it

wondered aloud

wasn't because Oliver was so total ly hunky that

she didn't 'It's

eyes at Claire and

My

Claire told her

mind where she went with him.

not

her hair.

'I

I'd seen

it.

like that at all,' said Claire as

she brushed

him by saying that he'd think I was just making

didn't want to embarrass I

was

afraid

excuses.' 'I

always thought you were meant to be honest with

blokes,' said Georgia.

'Honesty

is

best,'

admitted Claire, 'but

'Were you always honest with Dad?'

409

Sheila

()

"bin n ajja n

on the dressing

Claire put her brush

table

and consid-

ered Georgia's question. 'I

was honest with him about the major

moment.

after a

what

I

'I

things,' she said

how

was always honest about

thought was best for us

I

or

felt,

as a family.'

'But you weren't about everything?' 'Well

.' .

.

'What?' Georgia's eyes gleamed. 'C'mon, did you

him whopping

tell

Mum. What

great fibs about?'

little white lies,' amended Claire. 'About remember how he loved wearing baseball caps?

'Minor well,

.

Backwards? daft.

And

He

thought

it

was so cool. But he looked

always said that

I

used to buy for

my

I

given

continued.

pretended that

.

really

loved the liqueur chocs he

birthday - actually

we were once

.

hated them, but

I

some by one of his medical mates and I said they were really gorgeous and then, months later, Bill produced them for my birthday as an extra present and I couldn't say that I hated them because he'd gone to so much trouble.' She paused for a moment, then 'I

own

but

how many

I

liked

me

all

his

And

I

allowed him to

those Dior scented bath things which

he thought went with

know

movies because

times can you watch someone save

the planet from total destruction?

keep buying

sci-fi

much but wouldn't go on

he loved going to them so

that I'd switched

my

Chanel perfume - he didn't

from Dior and

I

didn't bother

telling him.'

'Mum!' Georgia looked

at

her in astonishment. 'You

were supposed to be soulmates! You were supposed to

know

everything about each other.'

410

How 'We

Will I

Know?

'We knew

did, in things that mattered,' said Claire.

we knew when to talk and when to keep quiet; we knew how to enjoy each other's company. Those were the soulmate things. The other stuff

what made each other happy or

was

sad;

incidental.'

T

sceptical. T think that know what perfume you wear.' T did wear the Dior tor ages. Rut men

dunno.' Georgia sounded

blokes should definitely Claire laughed. are creatures

you

of habit, Georgey. They discover something

and they keep on and on giving

like

discover something they like and they it

until

you want to

them any

hit

them!

It

it

They

to you.

go on and on about

doesn't

make you

love

less.'

'You sound

you had to put up with him!'

like

cried

Georgia.

T

loved putting up with him.' Claire grinned

at

her

in

the mirror. 'And those things are so minor that they don't really matter. I

love

You adapt with someone

cucumber but

He

liked

food a

if I

made

a curry

Bill

hated

bit spicier it

so

it

than

I

I

else too,

never put

I

suppose.

it

in salads.

do but he accepted

that

wasn't going to have him dousing out

the flames in his mouth. That's what happens

when you

marry someone.' 'So

what about

this Oliver bloke?'

demanded Georgia.

'What do you think about him?' Claire looked shamefacedly at her daughter.

T want a

to

go out with him,' she admitted, 'because

he's

good-looking bloke and because he was sort of sweet

the dinner thingy.'

Georgia stared

at the floor.

411

at

O*Flanagan

Sheila

'It's

all

very casual.' Claire sensed that her daughter

wasn't entirely happy with her answer.

'What

if

you

fall

with him?'

in love

'Would you mind?' don't know.' Georgia twisted a strand of hair

'I

ously between her fingers. 'It'd

be ages before

'And he'd have to think

I

me

too,

when

suppose

What

don't know!

will ever replace

have a point I

know

furi-

him.'

in love with him,' said Claire.

in love with

fall

neck. 'Oh, Georgey,

So

I fell

don't

which

I

honestly

very unlikely.' She fastened her chain around her

is

no one

'I

your dad. But

I

I

do know

is

that

can see that people

they say that I'm not going out enough.

if I've

got to go out

might

it

as well

be with

someone gorgeous.' Georgia took a piece of paper out of her pocket. does he rate on

my

boyfriend

list?'

'How

she asked.

'He's not a boyfriend!'

Georgia looked 'Read

me

at

her pityingly.

the qualifications again,' said Claire.

'Reasonably good-looking - no

back and not too

much

hair

on

facial hair

or hair on his

his chest.'

'You have a thing about hairy men?' asked Claire. 'I

don't

like

blokes with hair

shivered. 'Looks gross. is

attractive, so that bit's 'I

said he

looked

on

their back.'

But you've already

Georgia

said that Oliver

OK.'

like Becks,' Claire said.

'He doesn't

have a beard.' 'Becks has a bit of face fluff from time to time.' 'Oliver definitely hasn't,' Claire said. 'Clean,' read Georgia. 'Fingernails especially.

412

And

ears.'

How i

Will I

Know?

don't know,' said Claire. 'He seemed to have cleaned

up pretty well to me.' 'Not patronising.' Georgia looked up. 'You can't deal with

this

one

'cos

of those blokes

I

But

yet.

if

he's

one

heaves a sigh every time someone

younger than him makes 'I've

met him

haven't

who

a point, then forget

it.'

taken note of that,' said Claire seriously.

'Money?' Georgia looked hopeful.

was

'It

a

busy year for wasps'

it

nests,' Claire told her.

took ages before he could get to the house because he

had so many to do. But

I

can't honestly see

huge fortune-builder somehow.

'OK,' said Georgia. 'We'll put the

She frowned, then looked

side.'

i

it

being

a

1

money

thing to one

at Claire again, 'Kids?'

don't know,' said Claire, it wasn't

a

conversation

we

had.'

i suppose not,' Georgia acknowledged. 'Would you kids, Mum?'

like

more

Claire blinked a couple of times. Georgia didn't

know

that she'd lost a brother or sister in the accident. Claire

hadn't thought that with. She

still

it

was something she could cope

didn't think

it

was something Georgia

could cope with. She knew that keeping things from her wasn't ideal, but Georgia had muttered about everything

being

all

her fault before and Claire definitely didn't

want her thinking that losing the baby had been her fault too.

'Your father and

I

did want

more

kids,'

she said even-

tually.

'But would you go out with a bloke

413

who had

them?'

Sheila O'Flanajjan

asked Georgia. 'Would you want to marry a bloke

who

had them?' 'Georgey, honey,

I

don't want to marry anyone!'

exclaimed Claire. 'I'm going out for a spot of socialising

but that's

new

all.

I'm not looking to marry and

set

up a whole

family.'

dunno about the kids,' said Georgia. 'I mean, let's you got married and he had two or three - I'd be

'I

say

outnumbered then, wouldn't

my

I?

So

I'd always be stuck

on

own.'

She came

Claire looked at her daughter's anxious face.

over and sat on the bed beside her, then put her arms

around her and hugged

her.

'Goose,' she said. 'I

know,'

mumbled Georgia as she leaned against Claire's

shoulder.

'Anyway,' said Claire, 'Interests.'

at

her

list

doubt

'I

if

Oliver has any kids.'

Georgia pulled away from Claire and looked

again.

'Food,' said Claire. 'He talked a lot about the meal that night. Music, obviously, if he's taking

And

theatre too,

I

me

to a musical.

suppose.'

'Boring,' said Georgia. 'He's not a bit gay,

'A

bit gay?' Claire

laughed.

'How

is

can you be a

he?' bit gay?'

'You know, sort of theatre-ish and over the top.' 'I

don't think

'Does he

so.' Claire

chuckled.

like sport?'

'Dunno.'

'He'd have

to, for

you to

like

watch more sport than anything

414

him,' said Georgia. 'You else

on

telly.

Robs

says

How

Will I

weird for a mother,

that's

it's

Know?

usually the fathers who're

glued to Grandstand or whatever.' 'I like

sport,' said Claire.

mother

competition.'

'I like

'Hmm.' Georgia looked

the

at

'He has one but

don't

I

know what

'But you'll never get into

it,'

home

the night

I

her

I

got

didn't realise.

at

shook her head.

'So

Oliver picking you up?'

'No,' said Claire.

want to

'Poor

'I

really

'I

am.

her in astonishment.

thought you must've got the

I

Claire is

make.'

went out with Gary/

'Did you?' Georgia looked

didn't

at

said Georgia.

'I'm trying about that,' said Claire. a taxi

and then

list

again. 'Car?' She said this very doubtfully.

him

told

I'd

k

I

1

last

meet him

bus.

there.

I

arrive like a wreck.'

Mum.' This

time

it

was Georgia

who hugged

Claire.

'Ah, I'm fine,' said Claire. 'And I'd better get a on.

What time

is

move

Robyn coming?'

Georgia glanced

at

her watch. 'She should be here any

minute.' 'Well, 'I'll

be

'We'll

stash

I

want you two to behave

home by midnight

of

yourselves,' said Claire.

at the absolute latest.'

be good,' promised Georgia. illegal

'Very funny,' said Claire. 'C'mon, finish fixing

my

won't

raid

your

Ms Hudson,

I'd better

face.'

'You should wear a darker

lipstick,'

she watched. 'I

'I

substances or anything.'

always wear pink,' said Claire.

415

Georgia told her

as

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'But

it's

drab.

Hang on

a minute.'

She got up from the bed, went into her

own room and

returned with a lipstick which she handed to her mother. 'Try

this.'

Claire applied

it

and looked

at herself in the mirror.

'Much better,' Georgia assured The door bell rang. 'Robs!' Georgia clattered

her. 'Definitely.'

down

the

stairs.

Claire looked at her reflection in the mirror again.

she added another coat of Georgia's lipstick to her

Ramsey looked

Oliver

after

her every bit as well as Gary

had done. And the show was equally good, enthralling second time around. Eliza's return,

But she

still

the football

star.

a

It

less

as

people saw

a double-take as they realised his likeness to

work being good.

if

sniffed at

even though Oliver didn't appear to notice.

People noticed him, though. Claire watched

him and did

Then lips.

She decided that

it

must be very hard

famous person and always having to look

would be impossible

to date a person

for

anyone

in the public eye

who wasn't equally gorgeous, she

because otherwise they'd crack up under the Oliver asked her

if

she'd like to

for a drink after the performance.

to talk before the

show because

stroll

down

thought,

strain.

to the hotel

They'd hardly had time

Claire

had managed to miss

the bus and had arrived with only minutes to spare, so that

she was flushed and panting from having run along the street. 'It'll

have to be quick,' she told him

I'd be

as she

T promised my daughter and home before midnight.'

her watch.

416

glanced at

her friend that

How 'No problem,'

He

Will I

said Oliver.

arm with

linked his

she thought. But weird

hers. Better

all

ness that wasn't there. Yet

the same. it

woman

only thing was that she

someone

for

He

really

felt

Oliver

like

-

than holding hands, It

suggested a

close-

was comforting to be walking

along the quays with someone. couple instead of a

Know?

And nice to be part of a home on her own. The

hurrying

that she wasn't

glamorous enough

despite her efforts with the lipstick.

could've done with a supermodel on his arm.

They walked

into the hotel bar and she sat

down

in

one

of the trendy but not very comfortable armchairs. She ordered a white wine, while Oliver had

Thanks

He

flicked his hair

They

a beer.

again for tonight,' she said, i really enjoyed

behind

Dark had been mildly

now was

between them

'Me

it.'

too,' he told her.

Funny, she thought. The silence

sat in silence.

the Dinner in the

his ear.

erotic.

The

at

silence

strained.

'How're the wasps?' she asked. 'Still

he

there,'

said. 'Lots

'How. did you get 'Family,'

college

into

it

of big

he said succinctly.

and worked

there and so

at

it

nests.'

as a business?' she asked.

T

studied horticulture

for a while, but the business

at

was

.' .

.

She nodded.

'Of course scene,'

to the

I

have thought about the celebrity-lookalike

he told her,

UK and

his voice brightening.

'Maybe move

earn a few bob opening supermarkets and

things like that.'

She looked

at

him

sceptically.

you?'

417

'You wouldn't, would

Sheila O'Flanajjan

money was

'If the

right.

ness will always be there.

'And does he look

The

My

pest extermination busi-

brother

is

involved too.'

like a footie star too?'

Oliver shook his head. 'But he's reasonably goodlooking.

When

campaign

for

he was a kid he was used

one of the chain

stores.

in

an advertising

Everywhere you

looked there were pictures of him wearing a green fleece

and jumping into

of autumn

a pile

leaves.'

'And did you do any child modelling?' asked 'No,' said Oliver. 'They thought

my

Claire.

face wasn't strong

enough.'

'Huh!' 'I

he

don't think Becks has a particularly strong face

either,'

said.

'Maybe not. But he makes the most of what She grinned. 'So do you.

T

take pride in

guys don't.

I

I like

that

wavy

he's got.'

hairdo.'

my

appearance,' said Oliver. 'Lots of

it's

important to look good.'

think

She nodded. 'So

do you think

She stared

at

I'd

make

it?'

him. 'Make what?'

'The world of modelling?' 'Sorry?'

'You said you were a talent scout.'

He

looked

you really spoofing everyone?' 'Oh God, Oliver - I didn't think anyone took

at

her

accusingly. 'Were

that seri-

ously!'

T was

told not to take

wondering

it

seriously.

But

I

couldn't help

.' .

.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

'I

didn't

418

mean

to mislead you.'

How 'I'd love a crack at

see

what

up

in a

be

it'd

damn

like.

Will I

Know?

His voice was

it.'

Make

wistful. 'Just to

change from having to dress

a

and squirt chemicals around the

spacesuit

place.'

'I'm sorry,' said Claire again.

'You don't at

know anyone

He

in the industry?"

looked

her hopefully.

She shook her head.

'I

was joking,' she told him.

'Honesdy.'

'Oh

well.'

He

up the wrong

sighed. 'Nate told

tree,

but

I

said that

Claire stared at him. 'You asked

me I

that

I

was barking

had to be

sure.

1

Nate Taylor about me?

Why?' 'It

was because of him you rang me,' Oliver reminded

her. 'So I

thought he might know more about von. And

he was doing your garden.

asked him whether

I

it

was

possible.'

'And he

'He

said?' Claire's voice

said that

was incredulous.

you worked from home but

that he didn't

know doing what. You spent a lot of time locked in your office. You walked the dog every day and that was pretty much that. You could, he said, be a scout but he really didn't think so.

and

it

He

the medical world 'I

said

seemed highly

can't believe

you had been married

unlikely that the

to a doctor

media world and

would come together

like that.'

you were discussing me with Nate.'

Claire

flushed at the thought.

'Look, It

if it

makes you

feel

uncomfortable,

I

was an opportunity to find out about you,

You

intrigued

me

at the dinner.'

419

apologise. that's

all.

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Because you thought

He

'Yes.'

was

I

a talent scout?'

looked sheepish.

'And tonight was to find out 'Well

.

.

'Why

He

.'

for sure?'

looked even more sheepish.

the hell didn't

you

just ask

me on

'Because you might have lied to me. actually

been

a scout only

not thought

'I

I

had the right

And you'd think that I'd keep harassing 'Oliver, you know that you're being totally new faces - or even

searching for

or past-it football stars -

so.'

You might have

look.

don't you?' Claire drained her wine.

guess

the phone?'

'If I

you.' ridiculous,

was

a scout

faces that look like current

wouldn't have pretended. I'd

I

have given you a card and told you to get some photos taken.'

me out,' he explained. how things work out in LaLa land,'

'You might have wanted to suss

'Maybe that

really

she told him. 'I've

is

no bloody

idea.'

She stood up.

'I'd

better go.'

'Hang on,

Claire,'

he

said.

'Don't rush off

in a rage

or

anything.'

'I'm not raging,' she said. 'I'm amused. I

guess. 'I'll

'It's

But

drive

it's fine.

you home,' he

OK,' she

'Oh, Claire,

I

A

bit

peeved,

Don't worry.'

said. 'I'll

didn't

said.

home myself

get

mean

to upset you.'

'I'm not upset,' she said. 'Truly. Honestiy.

Not one

bit.

hope that you manage to find fame and fortune, if that's what you're looking for. And if not that the pest exterI

mination business goes from strength to strength.'

She walked out of the hotel and into the cooler night

420

How air.

Will I

Know?

Despite her protestations to Oliver she was a

little

upset.

Eavan had warned her against using men but hadn't warned her against them using her. And, in the end, out of two dates from Dinner in the

Dark

had happened. One guy had

that was pretty

just

wanted

wanted to be famous. Neither of them

Or maybe,

she thought ruefully,

didn't really

want them

either,

might have pretended to myself.

421

much what

sex.

Another

just

really

wanted

her.

maybe they knew

that

no matter how much

I

I

Chapter 31

Helianthus (Annual Sunflower) - Yellow, orange or red blooms.

Can grow up

weeks Two back

later,

to

3m. Feed

and

a

few days before Georgia went

moved

to school, Eileen

'It's

then

only for a fortnight or

I'll

be out of your

'Stay as long as

wasn't entirely sure

weekly.

so,'

in to Claire's house.

she assured Claire, 'and

hair.'

you need,'

how the

said Claire, although she

arrangement would work out.

Suddenly, with her mother living in her house, she

felt like

though Eileen was the person to

whom

she should defer before making any decisions. She

felt as

a daughter again, as

though her mother was watching her

how

she did things and assessing

all

the time, seeing

how good

she was at

running her house and being a parent. She knew that

this

wasn't really the case, but she couldn't help feeling as

though she were as the

On

sitting a

motherhood exam with Eileen

examiner. the third day she was tackling another one of her

Everest-style piles of ironing (how, she

422

wondered, did

it

How all

keep piling up

who'd been which was 'I

Will I

like this?)

sitting in the

Know?

when

the doorbell rang. Eileen,

back garden enjoying the weather,

incredibly mild, got

still

was going

up to answer

it.

objected Claire.

to,'

'Nonsense,' said Eileen. 'You're busy.'

That was another thing, Claire thought. Eileen obviously

felt as

though she had to keeping doing

things, like

down

stacking the dishwasher or offering to nip

to the

shops for the papers (not realising that Claire had hers delivered every morning) or emptying the rubbish bins. Claire wished that her

mother would

difficult.

her adult

After life.

sit

down and

woman found

own house for most didn't come easy.

she'd run her

all,

Maybe

relaxing

'A visitor for you.' Eileen looked as

just

but she supposed that the older

relax,

it

of

with interest

at Claire

Nate Taylor followed her into the kitchen. Phydough,

who'd been

asleep in his basket,

Nate

him under

tickled

'Oh, Nate, see you. 'I

woofed

colour

hello.' Claire felt her

What can

brought you

I

do

greeting .md

in

the chin.

for your

rise.

'Nice to

1

a present,' said Nate.

'A present?' She looked

him

at

confusion. 'What sort

in

of present?'

'Remember you were looking wall?'

he

said.

'But you didn't

She remembered, though She'd spoken of it

for a

like

it

in passing as

thermometer

for the

the wrought-iron ones?

hadn't been

a

major

1

issue

something she'd get some

time. She nodded.

'These came in the other day and one.'

He handed

her a box.

I

thought you'd

The thermometer was

423

like

in the

O'Vlanagan

Sheila

shape of a large sunflower, the mercury rising through the stem.

owe

How much

do

'You don't owe

me

she said. 'Really gorgeous.

'It's lovely,' I

you?'

'It's a

present,'

Nate reminded

her.

anything.' can't take gifts

'I

be

from you,'

said Claire. 'It

wouldn't

right.'

'You paid

Nate

me

of money for doing the garden,'

a lot

said. 'It's the least I

can do.'

'Oh, but—' 'Claire!'

From

He

interrupted her gendy. 'Stop!

Sarah and from me. For saving

'Oh, well

.

.

.'

Claire shrugged.

my 'I

It's a

present.

life!'

suppose - well,

thanks.'

'Do you want me to 'If

you

like,'

for

fit it

you now?'

she said.

'You go out and watch him

fit it,'

said Eileen.

'I'll

finish

the ironing.'

'Don't be

silly,

Mum,'

said Claire.

'I

can do

it.'

'Oh, go on.' Eileen sounded impatient. 'I'm bored anyway.' Claire

frowned and looked

at

her mother,

who shrugged

and smiled amiably.

'Come on 'This

the patio. to think

then,' she said to Nate. 'Let's find a spot.'

is still

'It's

it's

a sun-trap,'

beginning to

'Might make find

it

he said

as

he walked out on to

been such a wonderful summer

me work

really difficult to

it's

a

shame

slip away.'

a bit harder,' observed Claire.

be indoors

424

when

the sun

is

'I

shining.

How

Um spot

I

would be

think here

on the

Willi Know?

just right.'

She pointed

at a

wall.

'OK.' Nate took a power-drill from the box he was

how

carrying. 'So

have you been?'

She was conscious that her heart w

'Fine,' said Claire.

And

beating faster again. in a green

neatly

polo shirt with 'Taylor's Flowers

embossed on the

ever.

Why?

him?

Why do

front,

I

about

How

She didn't want

could she even think such

a

want to have sex with anyone! She

thing? She didn't

when

the only thing she really wanted

was to be able to make love to

Having sex was

Gardens'

feel like this

hit her, she felt dizzy.

to have sex with him!

couldn't possibly,

I

&

as attractive as

want to have sex with him?

just

As the thought

was looking

Why do

she wondered.

as

Nate Taylor, dressed today

that

Bill

Hudson one last time. And it wasn't

a completely different thing.

on her agenda. At

all.

Least of

all

with someone

else's

husband.

'How's Sarah?' Her voice was croaky. 'Not bad.' Nate

drilled

precision. 'Very busy,

two holes

which

is

into the wall with easy

great.'

'And you?' she asked. 'No more anaphylactic shocks?'

He

grinned. 'Thankfully not. I'm steering well clear of

peanut butter.' Claire smiled too.

to know. She

so difficult at

The thing

wondered how first.

is,

she thought, he's easy

that could be

Rude and

when

he'd been

nasty and not very pleasant.

Yet ever since he'd started working for her he'd been

nothing but pleasant.

Of course,

paying him to work for her.

she realised, she'd been

Maybe

425

that

was

it.

Maybe

the

O'Flanagan

Sheila

fact that

he was taking

money from

her was forcing him

to be nice.

was talking to

'I

Ollie the other day,' he said conversa-

tionally.

had spoken before she

'Ollie?' Claire

realised

who

he

meant, and then her face flushed again. 'Yes, the

wasp

'Oliver. Yes.

guy.'

Well

.

.

She knew that her voice was even

.'

'He seemed to think

croakier now.

that

I

was some kind

of talent scout.'

'He

you

said he'd

told

met you at a singles dating thing and that what you did. But then you said you

that's

So he wasn't

didn't. 'I

him

sure.'

know,' said Claire. 'We talked

ently

you and he talked

eyes. 'I'm

not sure

how

discussion between the 'I 'I

did

said

tell

it

through I feel

through.

it

too.'

And

appar-

She narrowed her

about being an object of

two of you.'

him.' Nate pushed a plug deep into the wall.

he was barking up the wrong

Claire didn't say anything.

tree.'

The moment when Nate had

a memory Of Bill, doing exacdy the same thing.

pushed the plug into the wall had brought flooding back to her.

Only

it

had been indoors, he'd been

fixing a shelf

and

on the edge of the table talking to him. The image, buried deep in her memory, was as clear as though it had just happened. And she was racked with a she'd been sitting

sudden sense of loss, so deep and so painful that she could then,

do not to cry out loud.

when

she

didn't have to

It

knew exacdy where

had been so she stood,

it

was

when

she

worry about who was using who, when

426

all

different

it

How

Will I

Know?

what other men looked

didn't matter

like

because they

didn't even register with her. 'Claire?' Nate's voice

existence. 'Claire, are

She blinked

seemed to come from

a different

you OK?'

a couple

of times and dragged herself back

to the present. 'Sure. Yes. Sorry.'

He

looked

at her, his expression

Do

something?

'No,' she said. 'No. to

concerned. 'Did

something? You're awfully just

I

I

say

pale.'

- remembered -

have

I

.' .

.

She walked abruptly away from him and towards the house. She pushed open the kitchen door, took

from the drainer and tap. It

in

filled

was warm and

two

gulps.

'Are

you

I

the sink for a

tasteless

right?' Eileen

all

'Of course

a

glass

with water straight from the

it

but she swallowed

it

back

looked up from the ironing.

am,' said Claire sharply. She stood beside

moment, looking out to the garden where job. Her eyes followed his move-

Nate was finishing the ments. Nothing

him.

Not even

like Bill at all,

remotely.

she thought, as she watched

He

was

a

completely different

person with a completely different way of completely different personality.

Hudson it

as

it

was possible

be that for one

what

it

had been

split

like

for

He

was

anyone to

be.

as

life

and

unlike

a

Rill

So how could

second he'd made her remember

before?

She heard the front door open and Georgia burst into the kitchen. 'Hi,

Mum,

anything to eat? I'm starving.'

427

Sheila

O Fla n ajjn n y

nowhere near time to

'It's

'Can

I

make

eat,' said Claire.

a sandwich?'

'Sure.'

Georgia opened the fridge door and took out some tomatoes. She straightened up and glanced out of the

window.

What

'Hey!' she cried. 'He's back.

Tutting up

a

for?'

thermometer.'

'Did he find one?

A good

one?' Georgia didn't wait for

her reply but went outside and stood beside Nate. 'Hiya,' she said.

'How's

it

going?'

'Nearly finished,' he told her. 'Is it

'Not

hot?' she asked, squinting to see the line of mercury.

hot

as

as

it

was.'

'I'm back to school soon,' she told him, 'so

I

don't

really care.' 'Selfish thing.'

He

laughed.

'Did you persuade

Mum

to get the barbie yet?' she

asked.

didn't

'I

that

try,'

said Nate.

He

picked up the plastic bag

had contained the thermometer and bundled

it

into

his pocket. 'I've

begged her and begged her but she

says that the

weather has broken and there's no point.'

Nate raised

his

eyebrows

at Claire,

who'd followed

Georgia outside again. 'Not quite broken forget 'If

we only

yet.

And

don't

always have a few gorgeous days in September.'

we knew

in

advance

when

they'd be.'

'According to the weather forecast we can expect another week or so of

this,' said

428

Nate.

'

How 'You

Mum, come I

And

'Only

on! It'd be great fun, especially 'cos Gran

my

all

going to things that their

You know

friends.

Tm

folks have organised.

Robyn's some of the time! And

had that great birthday party It

at Claire.

then I'm back to school anyway. Oh,

could ask

cally live at

Know?

Georgia looked passionately

see!'

another week.

here too.

Will I

for her last year -

practi-

I

Sive's

is

always

mother

remember?

was so cool. You could ask Eavan and Glenn - you know

how

they're always asking

'Georgey,

'But

it's

why

everyone.

but

—

could have

w

be going,' he told Claire.

Georgia. You've got such a lovely garden it

off.'

'You

see!'

Georgia beamed

'Our gardener thinks he? Hasn't he

'Oh

could ask

///;/.'

his electric drill in its case.

'I'd better

show

We

not?' interrupted Georgia.

We

Nate put

you places

a lovely idea,

made

it's

a

at

good

But

I

agree with

\^\\\\^

von should

Nate and then

at Claire.

And why

shouldn't

idea.

look fantastic?'

it

for heaven's sake!' Claire looked at Nate.

Why

arc

you egging her on?' 'I'm not, I'm not.' it's

none of

my

He

held up his hands.

Tm

sorry,

business.'

'You could come too,' Georgia told him. 'Oh,

Mum,

pleeeeaaaase.'

Suddenly Claire laughed. 'You're impossible, you do

know

that,

don't you? You want

straight away,

and

if it's

me

to

a barbecue then

I'll

do everything have to invite

people really soon because the weather might break and then what'll

we do? But

if

we

try to have

429

it

by next weekend

Sheila

it's

O'Flanagan

such short notice for everyone and maybe they won't

be able to come

come

'Ah,

.' .

.

was wheedling now.

on.' Georgia's tone

doesn't have to be huge. Just a few people

'It

we know.

If

they don't come, so what?'

come,' said Nate.

'I'll

'You

see!'

Georgia looked

the very worst

it's

at Claire triumphantly.

'At

you, me, Gran and Nate.'

Claire sighed. 'Nate

ask your grandad. But

and Sarah. And we couldn't not if

we

him we have

ask

to ask

Lacey.'

Georgia's eyes widened. 'Oh, but her.

yes.

I

have to meet

D'you think she'd come?'

'Perhaps Gran wouldn't want her there.'

'Mum,

you're so not with

it

about Gran and Lacey. She

doesn't care.'

Nate looked from one to the sounds intriguing,' he

Both

Claire

said.

other.

'The guest

list

'But I'd better be going.'

and Georgia followed him to the front of

the house.

'Thanks again for the thermometer,' said Claire.

'It's

really lovely.'

'You're welcome,' said Nate. 'We'll be in

touch about the barbecue,' Georgia told

him.

He

grinned at her and nodded.

Claire turned to Georgia. ised to

with

do some housework

'Come for

me

on, miss.

it.'

'Sorry

if I've

delayed you,' said Nate.

430

You promon

today. Let's get

'

How

Know?

Will I

'Not me!' cried Georgia. 'She wants

me

to clean

windows!'

Nate laughed. 'I'll

let

'Slave -driver.'

you know

if

we go ahead

it

with,' said Claire

suddenly. 'Is

moment. Now, come on,

that a promise?' Nate's eyes held hers for a

'Sure,' she said lightly.

'Absolutely.

Georgey, we've things to do.'

She ushered Georgia inside and closed the front door. 'Honesdy,

Mum,'

'You nearly

killed

you were

said Georgia, 'you'd swear

trying to get rid of him.

And

him,

as

I I

like

him.'

recall,' said Claire as

walked into the kitchen, where Eileen was

still

they

ironing.

'Nearly killed who?' she asked.

Georgia explained about Nate and the peanut butter

sandwich and Claire's intervention with the EpiPen.

'Which

why

is

he's

been so nice to us since/

Georgia. 'Although he was always nice. Personally,

he fancies

Mum

'I

was only

said

think

but unfortunately he's married.

'Georgia Hudson!' Claire looked talking nonsense

I

at

her angrily. 'Stop

and get on with your chores.' .'

.

.

'Now!' said Claire

in a voice that

allowed no possibilty

of dissent.

Later that evening,

watching the

when

she and Claire were sitting

television, Eileen casually asked her

daughter

about Nate Taylor. But Claire carefully deflected the subject

by simply saying that

his idea

of

a

barbecue was a good

one and asking Eileen what she thought about

431

it.

Eileen

Sheila

O'Flanagan

was so surprised that Claire might even consider inviting people to the house for a party - even something as casual as a

barbecue - that she forgot that her primary purpose

had been to find out whether Claire was harbouring

feel-

ings for the attractive (but unfortunately married) gardener.

'Would you

have one?' she asked.

really

'For Georgia,' said Claire. 'She

made

the very valid point

that she's always being looked after socially by her friends'

parents and that

we do

able to invite

them

sounds

like a

'It

mind

if I

nothing. It'd be nice for her to be

to something.'

good

idea,' said Eileen.

'Would you

asked some people too?'

'Of course

not.'

'Because

thought Alan Bellew might

I

like

to come.'

'Who?' 'The estate agent

who

looked

after the house.'

Claire glanced at her quizzically.

'Your dad's not the only one

who

has friends of the

opposite sex,' said Eileen as a pink blush spread across her cheeks.

In

after Claire, Eileen

fact,

and Georgia had

sat

down

together and run through the names of the people each

of them wanted to Claire

ask

all

had

first

invite, the

guest

list

was bigger than

imagined. Georgia, of course, wanted to

of her friends, despite Claire pointing out that

there 'd be lots of boring adults around and surely a

of teenagers would rather be doing something

'Don't you want

me

to have friends?'

Georgia.

432

gang

else?

demanded

How 'Of course

I

do.

Will I

And of

Know?

course I'd rather they were

here with you than that you were off terrorising shopkeepers or whatever

it is

you get up to when you turn into

delinquents,' said Claire. 'But I'm just afraid you'll

all

be

bored!'

'No we won't,' friends

'Can

said Georgia.

I

ask one of

'Galway!' Claire looked at her in astonishment. really think

How

my

from Galway?' anyone would come from Galway

would they get

Mum,

'Oh,

you

don't

'I

for the day'

back?'

are being pathetic!' cried Georgia.

coming from Galway. One of the people

I

met

at the

'Not

camp,

of course.' 'Well of course

you

Georgia beamed 'I

hope

it'll

can,' said Claire.

at her. 'Thanks.'

be fun.' Claire looked worried.

women

three generations of Shanahan a lot for all

want 'I

k

\Ve have

here, so it\ asking

everyone to enjoy themselves when we probably different things.'

never thought of that before,' said Eileen. 'But of

course

we can

enjoy ourselves! Anyway, we're not

Shanahan women. That's your dad's

side

We're Nelligan women, and we come from

of the a

long

really

family. line

of

party-goers.' Claire chuckled.

'Do we?' asked Georgia. 'Were you

a party-goer in

your

day, Gran?' 'I

was the odd one

who liked know sounds a one

sitting

out,' admitted Eileen.

home

bit pathetic.

But

433

'I

was the

my knitting, which I my mother, your great-

with

Sheila O'Flanajjan

grandmother, Kate, she was considered to be quite her day.

in

And

beauty

a

she loved going out. Apparently w hen

she-

was about sixteen she climbed out of her bedroom window

go to

to

when her

a party

father

had expressly forbidden

it.'

'Gosh,' said Georgia.

'Not

really

good

probably had a

'Good

for her.'

'Her father

for her,' said Claire sternly.

good reason

really

for telling her not to

go-'

'Had

Georgia looked enquiringly

he?'

at Eileen.

'Oh, absolutely,' her grandmother assured her. 'The party was in the house of his bitter enemy, James Murphy.

The

Murphys

Nelligans and the

didn't get

and James's daughter Peig were secret

when her She'd made

on but Kate There was

friends.

found out but she

uproar, apparently,

father

she didn't care.

herself a dress in secret too,

a beautiful

Claire,

orange

though

material

.

.

.

silk

- rather

like that lovely

God knows where

she

one of yours,

managed

anyway the whole thing was

said

a bit

to find the

of a scandal

our family was concerned and poor Kate was

as far as

locked away for weeks!' 'So

you

see,' Claire told

Georgia. 'You have

it

far

too

easy!'

Georgia made a face

at her. 'You'll

have to

tell

sometime, Gran,' she said to Eileen. 'When

me more

Mum

isn't

around.' 'Certainly.' 'Still, it

now

three generations of Nelligans getting jiggy with

is

a

good

thing,' said Georgia.

Claire looked at her.

She wasn't sure exacdy what the

434

How

Will I

Know?

expression meant. But she didn't have the strength to ask.

Not when at

her mother and her daughter were both looking

her with bright, excited eyes

at the idea

of being the

party Nelligans.

gone to bed, Georgia

After everyone had

O

Steve at

sent a text to

Se telling him about the possibility of

barbecue

a

her house. He'd be welcome to come, she said, even

though there'd be

of adults around. But

lots

be too boring. The

girls

would be there

Always providing that

her other friends.

wouldn't

it

too, and it

some of actually

happened and that her mother didn't chicken out. It

was one of the longest

and almost sent

it.

as

soon

as

it

text

messages she'd ever sent,

had gone she wished she hadn't

She sounded pathetic and sad, she thought,

him about something him to come to

a

and her mother's

barbecue that was friends.

really for her

Maybe none of the

bother coming either and she'd be

left

escape.

was

It

all

it

that they'd

all

have

her mother was right about that. that

her

was plain stupid. it

wouldn't be

Shit, she

at

it

a

was

sulky face

right,

and

I

managing

to

And

had the

how Maybe

together, but

good

timer

asking Steve - well,

slightest desire to see

her house in front of her mother!

thought. I'm so not cool about

year-old girls aren't

Mum

If he

would

very well talking about gener-

ations of party Nelligans getting

possible was

mother

girls

wandering around

the garden like a lost soul before finally

make her

telling

that wasn't even definite. Asking

stuff.

Fourteen

meant to get on with their parents. should be wandering around with a

telling

everyone

435

how

dense she

is.

Not

Sheila

O'Flanagan

encouraging her to hold stupid barbecues! Her phone beeped.

Lt me no whn. Wll

She looked

might be then

it

at

it

try.

'

and excitement fizzed up

a stupid barbecue.

wouldn't be stupid

But

at

all.

436

if

inside her. It

he came -

if

he came,

Chapter 32

Sempervivum (Houseleek) - Yellow red and purple in rosettes.

Mother

rosette dies

when flowering

flowers

is over.

Eavan finished printing off the sales reports and bundled them together before bringing them

into her boss's

office.

Ken Casey - or Ken Crazy, as the rest of the office called him - was sitting back in his leather chair (an assembled version of the flat-pack product for sale in the store below

with his feet on the desk (also available

in the store,

i

and

discounted that week in one of their Crazy Cash Value days). 'Thanks,' he said. 'Everything going

all

right for

you 2.

Tine,' she said.

'You learning the ropes?' 'Absolutely.'

'Graham learn.' 'It's

do

says that you're very bright. Quick.

His grey eyes looked

at

Ready to

her appraisingly.

not rocket science,' she told him. 'Anyone could

it.'

437

Sheila

He

raised an

up

sitting

O'Flanagan

eyebrow and took

his feet

from the desk,

straight in the chair as he continued to

watch

her.

'Everything's coded,

proof but not

'You know, everyone cult their job

it all

makes

else

and what

is

here

it's

tells

me how

stress they're under,'

'Ah well, everyone would say

'And

sense, not quite fool-

difficult.'

that.'

bloody

diffi-

he remarked.

She smiled,

slightly.

not that we're not stressed out, Ken, because

very busy out there. But once you have a system

it's

it's

not

so bad.'

'And you have

a system?'

'Of course.' This time his look was more quizzical.

come back 'I

to

work

didn't realise that

after taking a

'I

thought you'd

few years

off,'

he

said.

you were so up-to-the-minute about

things.'

'I'm not,' she said. 'The programs have changed a bit

was

since I

And I

yes, I

last in

an office but the basics are

was out of the paid workforce

was running a house. You

when

He

still

the same.

for a while, but

definitely have to have a system

you're running a house.' laughed. 'Mary told

interview,'

he

me

that

you were sparky

at the

said.

'I'm not sparky,' said Eavan.

'Oh

yes

you

are.'

'No,' she said. 'I'm knackered. I

It's

been a long day and

need to get home.'

'Would you at his

like to

come

for a drink with me?'

watch. 'I'm just finished up here.'

438

He looked

'

How She shook her head.

'I

old daughter waiting for

go out

able to

He

Know?

Will I

have a husband and a three -year-

me

home. I'm not

to get

shrugged. 'I'm not hitting on you,' he

thought socialise

avail-

for drinks.'

that, well, you're

with us a

said. 'I just

new and you might

to

like

little.'

'Thanks for the thought, but

I

can't,' said

Eavan.

'Another time perhaps,' said Ken.

Eavan turned and walked out of the

'Perhaps.'

No

perhaps, she muttered under her breath.

She couldn't begin to think of

office.

No

how Glenn would

wa\

react

she went out for a drink, however innocent, with her

if

new

boss.

She went to her desk and took her jacket from the back of her

Then

chair.

she hurried

down

the stairs and out to

the car park.

The traffic from Baldoyle to Howth was appalling. Twenty minutes after leaving the DIY store, Eavan was sandwiched lated lorry

slow-moving convoy between an

in a

and

about working

huge

a

in

articu-

problem

an industrial estate, she thought, every

other vehicle was so

you were driving

delivery van. That was the

a

much

decent

bigger than yours, even

when

car.

She eased her foot off the clutch and the Audi forward a few

feet.

she got this job.

bought

it

They'd talked about

When

Trontec had

let

selling

it

slid

before

him go Glenn had

from them, but only to keep her from finding

out that he was out of work. They'd agreed that

make much

sense to be a two-car family

those cars cost a heap of

money 439

it

didn't

when one of

to maintain, but once

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Eavan was offered the position

more sense

veniently routed buses, and so

it

needing both cars again. Besides,

became as

Audi was taxed and insured

out, the

year anyway. So

which had

DIY

in the

store

it

made

for her to drive than try to catch the incon-

all

now

of

a question

of

Glenn had pointed

end of the

until the

he was the one driving the Micra,

Saffy's bits

and pieces already

while Eavan cruised to and from

work

installed,

Audi. She

in the

sighed sympathetically as she thought of Glenn squeezing his

long frame into the small car while she

ative luxury.

than in

Even though she'd

this frustratingly

sat in

compar-

rather be anywhere else

slow-moving

trail

of interminable

traffic.

But the work wasn't bad. The people in the office were - as well as Caroline and Delia there was Graham,

nice

the accounts manager; Mary, the office manager,

interviewed her; and, of course,

who had

Ken Crazy himself and

his

assistant Lucinda.

Caroline and Delia spent endless hours discussing Ken

and

his relationships as well as their

involved love -lives (Caroline had

split

own

tangled and

up with

a boyfriend

because she fancied his best friend; Delia had just started

going out with someone new though her ex- boyfriend continued to ring her every day) and though Eavan had stayed apart from the conversations at

caught up in them

as

first

she was as

anyone by the end of her

first

week.

managed to elicit the informashe was back to work because her husband had

Caroline and Delia had tion that

lost his job,

Glenn

very

even though she'd tried not to talk about

much.

They'd 440

been

sympathetic

and

How

Will I

supportive and told her that

were

those big corporations

all

and that nobody could ever

shits

for them. You were

Caroline,

Know?

just

who'd worked

a

cog

in

feel

secure working

the machine, said

as a receptionist for a hightccfa

firm which had gone spectacularly bankrupt a few weeks

They'd wanted to know

after she'd joined.

all

about

Saffy,

and Eavan had taken the photo out of her bag to show them. Delia then nipped a novelty picture

down

bought

to the store and

frame so that Saffy's face now beamed

out from a miniature television screen on Eavan's desk.

Eavan promised herself that she'd bring

Glenn to have on the desk

The

traffic

Saffy. It

it

was

a different sort

of exhaustion to

was the exhaustion of doing new things,

of having to think adults the

photo of

a

eased forward again and she yawned. She

was exhausted. But being with

in

too.

in a different

whole time.

It

way, of interacting with

had been fun, more or

less,

but

she was glad to have finished for the week.

She'd listened to almost her entire Dido she pulled into the driveway. front of the house in,

made

The

CD

by the time

big For Sale sign

her flinch.

When

she'd expected to be there for ever.

they'd

Maybe

it

at

the

moved

had been

a stupid expectation, she told herself, as she switched off

the ignition. But

whole

it

And now

had coloured how she

felt

about her

when mean the same to her any more, that in many ways it had become a symbol of wanting too much. But she knew that it would break her heart the life.

.

she'd told Glenn that

.

.

it

she'd been telling the truth didn't

day they walked out of the front door for the

The

television

was on

in the living

441

last

time.

room. Eavan heard

O'Flanagan

Sheila

the familiar sounds of Toy Story being played for the millionth time. She pushed

open the door.

'You're home!' Saffy leaped

up from the

herself at Eavan's legs. 'Read Cinderella.

do

it

sofa

and flung

Daddy

doesn't

right.'

Daddy does it perfectiy well,' said Eavan as 'Do you know that you weigh a ton?'

'I'm sure

she lifted her up.

'Daddy told me

'Yes,' said Saffy cheerfully.

'Then we must be

'How was your

pink cheek.

'We went the room.

right.'

for a

We

lovely.

harbour and we counted with red

soft

day?'

walk along the

was

'It

that.'

Eavan kissed her on her

pier.'

looked

Glenn came into

at the boats in the

how many,

Saffy,

how many

sails?'

'Ten,' she said proudly. 'Ten red

'How

clever

sails.'

of you,' said Eavan admiringly

as Saffy

rushed through the count to ten to prove her point.

She

on the

set the litde girl

floor

and smiled

at

Glenn.

'How're you?' 'Great,'

he

said. 'There's a lasagne in the

oven and some

red wine breathing on the counter for you.' 'Celebrating?' She tried to keep the

hope out of her

voice.

'Not a

we had

job.'

His

own

long week for you. So 'Great,' she said.

and hung

it

.

.

.

I

know

it's

been

a

celebration.'

She took off her lightweight jacket

over the back of the chair.

into the kitchen basil,

tone was carefully neutral. 'But

and me, and

a nice day, Saffy

Then

she walked

and opened the oven door. The smell of

oregano and melted cheese wafted out.

442

How

Will I

Know?

'Not so bad, huh?' Glenn stood ready in

five

at the counter. 'It'll

he

minutes.'

'Garlic bread?' she asked. 'Shit.'

He

'There's

Til do

frowned.

some he

it,'

'I

forgot about garlic bread.'

in the freezer.' said.

'You

sit

She moved towards

it.

down.'

'But—' 'I'm making dinner,' he said sharply.

'The

bread

garlic

will take

about

fifteen

minutes/

'Well then, the lasagne can stay in the oven a bit longer.'

'The cheese

will burn.'

'For Christ's sake, Eavan!' 'Stop picking

you so 'I

on me.

I've

He

managed

looked angrily

at

far.'

was only trying to

help!'

She walked out of the

kitchen, through the conservatory and into the

garden. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes.

have to snap

week.

her.

perfectly well without

And

all

at her.

She was

tired.

It

had been

she'd done was give him

some

wasn't as though she particularly wanted the

bread anyway, he was the one

who

He

a

hard

advice.

damn

really liked

back didn't

It

garlic-

it.

She walked through the garden, picking up the debris from Saffy's playtime - abandoned dolls, brightly coloured

cuddly toys. She carried them

balls, play bricks,

back into the house, through the kitchen where Glenn

was unwrapping the frozen to Saffy's

garlic bread,

and up the

room. She placed the cuddly toys and

stairs

dolls

on

her Little Princess quilted bed and put the bricks and balls into the

red and yellow toy box in the corner of

the room.

443

Sheila

Actually,

when

it

O'Vlanagan

was incredibly

tidy.

abandoned toy neatly in

its

think of

it

as

an

But today everything was already

store.

place.

There were often times

room and

she'd walk into Saffy's

Probably because Glenn had taken her

to the pier, Eavan thought. She hadn't had time to wreck

her room.

She went next door to neat and ranks

their

own bedroom.

It,

too, was

her botries and creams lined up in ordered

tidy,

on the wrong

side

of the modern dressing table and

her jewellery painstakingly arranged on the other. clear to her that the dressing table

day.

She

bit

her

and

a T-shirt

'Five minutes,' said

Glenn

suit into a pair

of loose-

and went downstairs

again.

briefly.

He picked

She was about to speak when the phone rang. it

was

and pinched the bridge of her nose.

lip

She changed from her tailored fitting trousers

It

had been dusted that

up.

'Oh,

hi, yes.

he

'Claire,'

She's here.'

'Hello, Claire.' 'Hi.

He handed

the receiver to her.

said.

Are you

all

Eavan kept her voice

bright.

right?' asked Claire.

'Of course.' 'Have

I

rung

at a

bad time?'

'We're about to have dinner,' said Eavan. Claire could hear tension in Eavan's voice.

urgent,' she said quickly. 'Call

me

'It's

not

later.'

Eavan replaced the phone while Glenn took the lasagne

and

garlic

was

a litde scorched.

put the

bread out of the oven. The top of the lasagne

garlic

Glenn ladled some on to

bread into a long basket.

444

plates

and

How 'D'you want to eat 4

Will I

Know?

in here?'

he asked.

Yes. It's fine.'

'Saffy!'

with

he

you going to have some of

called. 'Are

this

us?'

'Hasn't she eaten already?' Eavan wished she hadn't

spoken. Glenn's face was 'Yes,'

he

Saffy

bounded

said.

rigid.

me she'd like some lasagne/ room and scrambled up to the

'But she told into the

table.

'No

cheese,' she told Glenn. 'Specially not black!'

He spooned some

meat and sauce on to her Winnie-

the-Pooh plate and put 'It's

eat

hot,'

it

in front

of

her.

warned Eavan. 'Blow hard on

it

before you

it.'

'I

know.' Saffy looked

'Mum

at

her in disgust. 'I'm not

brought the other two steaming plates to the

'No

I

I

table.

don't.'

'She thinks

'No

a baby."

thinks we're both babies,' said Glenn as he

we

can't

manage without

1

her.

don't.'

'She thinks she's the only one

Eavan popped

a forkful

who knows

anything/

of hot lasagne into her mouth

and her eyes watered. 'Wine?' asked Glenn.

'Thank you.' She dabbed as

he

filled

her

at

her eyes with a paper napkin

glass.

'Can we do the boats again tomorrow?' Saffy asked Glenn.

'We

can't

go tomorrow,'

going out to see Auntie

said Eavan.

Claire.'

445

'Dad and

I

are

Sheila O'Flanapfan

Saffy's

plan

mouth puckered.

mum will organise us,' said Glenn.

'Your

it all

out for

'I'm sure she'll

us, Saffy.'

'For God's sake!' Eavan put her fork beside her plate. 'Give

me

'What 'I

a break.'

are

you

talking about?'

don't organise you.

'But

it's

in

looked

at

her coolly.

charge. We're doing what

tomorrow, going to

'It's

He

won't organise you.'

the weekend,' he pointed out. 'You're back at

home, back on Sunday

I

Claire's. We'll

you want do whatever you want

too.'

what we want. Not what /want.'

'You're the breadwinner now,' said Glenn. 'You've got

the biggest clout.'

'And you're being incredibly chair

away from the

table

stupid.'

Eavan pushed her

and walked out of the kitchen

and into the garden again. Saffy watched her with wide 'Is

at

Mum upset?'

Her own

voice

wobbled

as she

eyes.

looked

Glenn. 'She's just being

silly.'

Glenn stabbed

his fork into his

lasagne. 'Will

I

make her

better?' Saffy

scrambled

down from

her chair and ran into the back garden. Glenn watched as she tugged at Eavan's trousers and was lifted into his wife's

arms.

He

pushed

his

own

barely tasted lasagne

away from

him.

Eavan held Saffy

close,

burying her head

in

her

Madonna and child photograph, he thought savagely. The two of them united while he sat here on his own. Not really needed. daughter's dark curls. Like a

446

How

He

Will I

Know?

got up from the table and scraped the lasagne from

He

the plates into the waste disposal.

Eavan's

full glass

through the kitchen window, made enticingly.

exploding

through glass

He

could almost taste

fruits against his palate.

Comforting.

his system.

and picked

window

again.

looked longingly

at

of red wine. The evening sun, slanting

it

up.

He

Eavan was

it it

glow gently and again.

Rich with

Warm as it made He reached out

its \\a\

to the

looked out of the conservatory still

holding

Saffy,

still

had her

back to him.

'Goddamn

it.'

His voice was a strangled cry

'God fucking damn the floor.

it

The wine splashed

mulberry-red puddle

He dropped

to hell.'

his loafers

at his feet.

He

in his

throat

the glass

on

and spread into

stood

at

a

the edge of

the puddle and cried.

Con and Lacey were

finishing their evening meal

to

know

that

when

would have been astonished

Claire called them. Claire

Con (who'd

never

lifted a

finger in the

house when she was small, regarding anything domestic as Eileen's territory)

had roasted the chicken and pota-

toes and had timed things to perfection so that the meal

was almost ready when Lacey came home from work; he'd allowed them time for

a

glass

before eating so that Lacey could lap

sit

of wine together with her feet

in his

and allow him to massage her ankles while she told

him with satisfaction of the new contract that the company had landed and the relief of having placed a very difficult client with an equally difficult company that day.

447

O'Flanagan

Sheila

good time

'Hi, Dad,' said Claire. 'Is this a

'Of course,' he

'I

all

to talk?'

'Everything OK?'

wanted to check

'Sure. I just still

said.

you and Lacey were

that

right for tomorrow.'

said

earlier in

we

Con had been

were.'

week

the

absolutely astonished

to get the posted card, clearly a

product of Claire's computer, inviting him and Lacey to a

barbecue

daughter's house. He'd been so

his

at

surprised that he'd waited a day before ringing her to

come,

say that they'd be delighted to

already posted another card telling

just in case she'd

him

that

it

was

all

a

mistake.

'I'm just doing a ring-around tonight,' she explained. 'I

want to get

a

good handle on the numbers.' promised Con. 'You know we're

'We'll be there,'

looking forward to

you

felt

it

immensely.

And I'm

very glad that

able to invite both of us along.'

'Yes, well.' Claire's

but

ideal situation

tone was dry.

do know

I

that

'It's it's

probably not

my

yours and - and

I

want you to be happy, Dad.' 'Thank you,' he

want you to be happy

said. 'I

hoping that deciding to have the barbecue

maybe you're 'It's

is

too. I'm

a sign that

getting there.'

a sign that Georgia

and

Mum

have ganged up on

me,' said Claire ruefully. 'They wouldn't 'That's your

mother

all

right,' said

let

me

say no.'

Con.

'Dad?' 'Yes?'

'You're sure that

you and

'What does your

mum

Mum

say?'

448

are

OK about

all this?'

How 'Naturally she says

.

.

.

this

want up

is

to

it

in the 'It

I

Know?

no problem. And

it's

of her own! But

friends

Will I

wanted to be

she's invited

certain.

.

.

.

well

I

haven't done before and

go wrong.

I

don't want some big family bust-

don't

I

back garden!'

won't go wrong,' promised Con. 'Your

are fine.

I

something

And

Lacey

really

is

mum

looking forward to

and

I

it.'

'Good,' said Claire. 'So we'll see

you tomorrow,'

you want me to

'No

said

Con.

'Is

there anything

bring?'

thanks,' replied Claire.

'I

think I've got

it all

under

control.'

She replaced the receiver back of her neck. She

in its cradle

still

and rubbed the

couldn't quite believe that

she'd gone along with the barbecue plan and that all

happening so

quickly. Eileen

it

was

and Georgia (behaving

rather like children, she thought) had swept her along,

urging her not to wait because otherwise the weather

would

Now she

break.

was surprised that so many people

had responded to her e-mailed, texted and posted tations.

The barbecue,

had turned into

a

instead of being a low-key

major event! Included

replies to invitations

had been

inviaffair,

in

her pile of

a lovely card

from Sarah

Taylor with a picture of a bright red dahlia on the front, telling her that

to

come and

both Sarah and Nate would be delighted

how much about it

saying that she couldn't wait to see

the garden looked because she'd heard so

from Nate.

Maybe

it

would be

easier with Sarah there,

449

thought

Sheila

O Flanagan y

Maybe when Nate was

Claire as she stared, unseeingly, into the distance.

she allowed herself to feel the

around simply because

it

way she

was

feelings

the

first

would evaporate

as

She hoped

place.

and easy to

safe

man who was committed maybe when that someone else was about a

felt

to

someone

fantasise

And

else.

actually with

him those

though they'd never

existed in

so.

She didn't want them any

more.

She rested her chin on her hands

as she

explored her

emotions again. Whenever she thought about Nate Taylor she

felt a

tightening in the pit of her stomach followed

by a flurry of a thousand

And her heart would him digging the garden,

butterflies.

beat faster at the memories of

carrying rocks to the rockery, cutting back bushes or

simply sitting

tall

the apple tree.

It

and strong and bare-chested beneath was

a pleasurable experience but tinged

with a sense of despair that in spite of

how much

she

enjoyed thinking about him, he belonged to someone

And she ally

in the

end

felt for Bill

it left

an ache that

laid itself

else.

over the ache

and made her wonder whether she actu-

enjoyed being miserable, whether there was some-

thing about her that simply prevented her from wanting to be happy.

Perhaps, she

mused

as she struggled to get to grips

her wayward feelings, she could

tell

with

Georgia about the hurt

of unrequited love, because even though she didn't love

Nate Taylor, she wanted something from him that he couldn't give her.

And

the weird thing about that was that

for the first time in years her feeling entirely

due to the

fact that Bill

450

of wretchedness wasn't

was no longer

there.

How

Will I

Know?

She walked upstairs to her bedroom. Eileen was

room watching TV. Georgia was

living

Grand Theft Auto. Phydough was

playing

in the

secreted in her den asleep in his

basket beside the back door.

She of

sat

on the edge of the bed and picked up the

Bill again.

looked

But

I

at Bill's

'I

picture

don't love Nate/ she whispered,

photograph.

feel a bit guilty

'I

fancy him, which

is

as

she

different.

about that too. Because you were

always the only person

ever fancied. Well, except for

I

George Michael. And Becks, of course!' She closed her She remembered dancing with Bill, at a party - but why - and George singing

eyes.

she couldn't recall where or

on

'Careless Whisper' while she rested her head

shoulder.

And

Bill telling

Bill's

her that he'd never, ever betray

her with anyone. Because she was, and always would be,

woman

the only I

looked

at Bill's smiling,

anybody can

in his

life.

don't want anyone

feel

else.

Not

else.

She opened her eyes and

windswept

really.

face.

I

don't even fancy

I'm only pretending.

Just

so\

I

something different again. Something other than

missing you. Something other than feeling guilty that I'm here and you're not.

It

was nearly half past nine when Eavan phoned her

back.

'Of course we're coming,' she told Claire

you get my e-mail

earlier? Well,

Vm

tightly.

definitely

'Didn't

coming.

Candida had agreed to babysit Safry tomorrow but I'm not sure

if that's

exacdy on

problem with Glenn.'

451

now

so there might be a

Sheila O'Flanajjan

got the e-mail

'I

doing

hope so

'I

'Is

all

admitted Claire. 'I'm

right,'

check-around.

a

I

do hope Glenn can make

just it.'

too,' said Eavan.

everything

all

right?' asked Claire.

'Of course.' 'You sound a

bit

'Just tired,' said

.

.

.

odd.'

Eavan.

know. That's why

'I

said Claire.

And I'm

'It

was

a

long week.'

you before

didn't ring

today,'

reckoned that you'd be knackered from work.

sorry for calling at dinner time. That was stupid.

So how's 'Oh,

'I

I

it

it's

going?'

OK,'

said

Eavan

cautiously.

'Nothing

special.'

'Are the people nice?'

'You

know yourself!' Eavan laughed

I'm sure there are

all

of

sorts

haven't quite worked out yet.

The

an

drily. 'It's

politics

office.

going on that

boss asked

me

I

for a

drink tonight but apparendy that's par for the course with

new

employees.'

Claire laughed too. 'Jeez, Evs, you're only just back

and

you're right in there!' 'I'd rather

not

be.'

'I'm sure you slapped

More

to the point, are

him down wonderfully

you shattered

after

your

well.

first full

week?' 'Utterly,'

admitted Eavan.

'It's

having to haul myself

out of bed and make myself presentable that's so bloody difficult.

And, of course, the

traffic. I've

ragey again.'

'How's Glenn getting on?' Eavan

said nothing.

452

become

all

road-

How 'Nothing

Willi Know?

yet?'

'No.'

'How's he coping with you working?' Eavan was 'Eavan?

silent again.

Is it a

- well -

'I

'He'll get over will

problem?'

sort of.' it,'

hope

'I

so.'

'Can't you get

spend with wish

'I

'Is

and 'I

him

on

to look

it

of time to

as a bit

Saffy?'

could.' Eavan's voice cracked a

I

little.

bad?' asked Claire. 'If there's a problem don't

it

make 'I

'And I'm sure something

said Claire.

turn up for him.'

come tomorrow

yourself

want to come,'

Eavan

said

fiercely,

be a normal person for

just

wish there was something

'Don't worry about me,

tomorrow. Everything

'Of course

it will,'

will

1

you need to

if

stay

i want

home/

to get out

a while.' I

could do/ said Claire.

Eavan told

turn out

OK

Til see you

her. in

said Claire confidently.

the end.

1

'Any news on

the house?' 'It's

come

on the market now,'

to see

it

said Eavan,

'We had two

people-

during the week but nobody has made

.\n

offer yet.'

'They 'I

part of it

will.'

know.' She sighed. 'Part of

me

doesn't.

and mosdy 'It's 'I

I

I

mean,

do, but

.' .

.

only a house,' said Claire.

know.

I

me

wants them to but

I've said that

know.'

453

I

want out of

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Anyway, don't think about

now. Just remember to

it

be in good form tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to seeing you.'

hear you've asked other people from the club,' said

'I

Eavan.

Amanda

got a text from

'I

asking

me about

it.

You're really pushing the boat out.'

'Oh,

guess

I

if

I'm doing

it I

might

as well

do

it

prop-

erly.'

'I'm sure you

will,' said

Eavan.

'Eavan?' Claire's voice was uncertain.

'What?'

'You don't think - oh, look,

but

.

.

.

you don't think

to have

Of course

'Claire!

you have 'I

I

kind of know this

being a

bit disrespectful

is silly,

of Bill

do you?'

here,

it

it's

not. It's your

home, where

else

would

it?'

know.

I

know. The whole idea came about because

Georgia wanted to celebrate the garden getting back to its

former glory, so obviously

only

I feel

'Don't

a bit

.

.

.

it

weird about

has to be here. Only

weird,' ordered Eavan. 'Feel good.'

feel

voice softened. 'And I'm really glad

done. 'I

It

.

.

.

it.'

Her

you got the garden

always was a lovely place to be.'

know.'

'So

I'll

'Only

see

you tomorrow.'

if it's

OK

for you,' said Claire. 'Don't feel that

you have to turn up if you don't want to. Please.' 'I do want to,' said Eavan firmly. 'No matter what.' After she'd finished speaking to Eavan, Claire stretched

out on the big bed and closed her eyes. She was tired from

454

How

Will I

Know?

the sudden rush of organisation, of ordering mountains of

food and drink on-line, of talking to people she hadn't

spoken to

in

her thoughts

She was

still

two hours

months. drift

and

sleeping

later

Of

being nice to everyone. She

slide until, suddenly,

when

Eileen

and draped

came up the

stairs nearly

a sheet over her shoulders.

455

let

she was asleep.

Chapter 33

Impatiens (Busy Lizzie) -

Many and

be long-lasting in right conditions.

varied colours

But difficult to

and can

raise from

seed.

The

only cloud in the sky by lunchtime on Saturday

was

a

vapour

trail

from

a jet high

above them. Claire

stood in the garden, a glass of orange juice in her hand, as

she tried to imagine

time. It

was so long

event at her

home

Phydough

how

it

would be

since she'd

in a

few hours'

had any kind of party or

that she couldn't quite visualise

it

now.

trotted beside her as she walked across the

patio and looked at the sunflower thermometer. Twenty-

one degrees

Maybe

I

in the shade

gas barbecue which that morning. said

and

it

was

still

before noon.

should've got sunshades. She looked again at the

when

Mike O'Malley had dropped off earlier

One of his many

toys for boys, Leonie had

she called to say he was

on the way. And, she'd later on

warned, they were going to be absolutely on time because Mike was absolutely insisting that he

flip

and char sausages himself. He'd pretend, Leonie

456

burgers

said, that

How

Will I

Know?

he was helping out but he'd go berserk near

if

anyone

went

else

it.

Claire smiled to herself as she thought about

'What

you grinning

are

'Men and

it.

Georgia joined her outside.

at?'

barbecues,' replied Claire.

'Dad used to love

it,'

was always going to buy

'He wanted

recalled Georgia.

agreed Claire.

to,'

remember he

'I

a big one, wasn't he?' 'I

thought

just

it

was

a

waste of time.' 'But fun.'

'Hmm.'

Claire smiled again.

'We had one, you know.

1

'A barbecue?' 'Yes.

But

like

'Did you?

I

now. As a

party.

Much

'You were only about three or

'And your dad bought from one of the DIY his

frowned.

four.' Claire

this absolutely useless kettle barbie

places.

He

was dying to

So the next half-decent day he invited and he did

smaller, though."

don't remember.'

best to give

a

try

it

out.

few people round

them food poisoning by

burning the outside of everything and leaving

it

raw

inside.'

'Yeuch.' Claire laughed. 'I'd forgotten about

think I'd deliberately pushed

it

it

out of

until today.

my

thought for a moment. 'People came quite put up

'Oh, that,

a string yes!'

Mum.

of

I

mind.' She late

and

Bill

lights in the garden.'

Georgia widened her eyes. 'We should do

It'd

be

lovely.'

'We don't have any

lights,' said Claire.

'What happened to the ones you used then?'

457

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Honey, they could be anywhere.

now

they're broken by

'We could

And I'm

sure that

anyway.'

look,' said Georgia.

'Maybe they're

in the

attic'

made

a face.

'Too dark, too

dusty.'

Claire

'Can

I?'

don't do the

'I

attic,'

she told her.

begged Georgia.

Claire looked uncertain. 'Please?'

'Oh,

all

said Claire.

right,'

stepladder and don't

.

.'

.

'But be careful with the

But she was speaking to thin

air.

Georgia had disappeared already.

'The Tesco delivery

is

here!' Eileen called to her

from

the kitchen, and Claire went back into the house to unpack the bags and load

up the

fridge with burgers, sausages,

chicken wings and salads. 'Actually this

is

quite exciting,' said Eileen as she

surveyed the packed shelves.

'I

haven't been to a party in

years.' 'It's

not a

'It is,'

to

party,' said Claire.

Eileen told her. 'And I'm really looking forward

So's Josie. She's keen to see

it.

you

again, Claire. She

hasn't since Bill's funeral.' 'I

never saw Josie regularly in any case.' Claire kept her

own

voice as matter-of-fact as her mother's. 'Are you sure

she's

going to come?'

'Yes, absolutely.'

'And

how

about

this

Alan Bellew bloke?' asked

'Your arm-candy estate agent to make there

more

Dad

to this than meets the eye?'

458

Claire.

feel jealous? Is

How

'I

Know?

make your dad

'I'm not trying to defensively.

Will I

don't want to look

just

jealous,' said Eileen like

an old hag

when

he has a new woman.' 'You look great,' Claire told her warmly. 'Ah, no.' Eileen shook her head.

'I

look what

I

am.

A

granny.'

'Do you want

to look different?'

Eileen sighed.

'I

'Of course you

can't look different.' can,' cried Claire. 'If that's

what you

want.'

'I'm too old to give a damn,' said Eileen.

'Nobody is too old to give a damn,' Claire retorted. 'I don't want to compete with Lacey,' admitted Eileen. 'She always looks so chic and sophisticated. If

dyeing

my

say that

it's

hair

and getting

because of

my

face

I

started

done people would

her.'

'No they wouldn't!' 'They would.'

'Mum, were

still

if you'd

done

all

those things while you and

divorced. Think of

all

always thought

women who have a makeover how great they look.'

those

once they're divorced and 'I

Dad

together they might think that. But you're getting

it

was

a

little

pathetic,' said Eileen.

'Rubbish!' cried Claire. 'They're saying that they're

new period in their lives and they're ready to And there's nothing wrong with slapping on a of foundation and a new lippy while you're doing

entering a face bit

it.

it.'

Eileen laughed. 'Maybe. But

you're doing yourself,

is it?'

459

it's

not exacdy something

O'Flanagan

Sheila

made

Claire

my

a face at her. 'I'm in a different place with

she said.

life,'

move on?' asked Eileen. damn barbecue,' retorted Claire. not moving on, I don't know what the hell is.'

'But are you ready to

Tm that's

having

Georgia

this

dim

sat in the

knew

boxes. She

attic

and pulled

at

'If

old cardboard

better than to expect to unearth

musty

keepsakes or ancient treasures - Claire was a relendess

thrower-out of things. She didn't keep back issues of newspapers or unwanted

gifts

or toys - the papers went into

the recycling bin and Georgia's old toys had regularly been

donated to charity shops. All of

documents were kept along with the (like ail

filed

less

their

important family

in the filing cabinet in Claire's office,

important but more sentimental ones

of Georgia's school reports, which were carefully

away).

The only items

that were stored in the attic

were the Christmas decorations. Which was why Georgia thought she might find the garden

She was poking around under

beeped and

startled her so

head on the

roof.

Her

a

much

lights there too.

beam when her mobile that she

thwacked her

eyes were watering as she took the

phone out of the pocket of her

shorts and looked at the

message.

Wll b der 2day. Cnt w8. Luv

She

felt

She couldn't quite believe date, saying his job.

would

S.

her heart race in her chest. Steve was coming!

it

was

She'd texted him with the

it.

OK if he

couldn't

all

see that he liked her

460

make

it

because of

Sive,

Emma and Robyn

enough

to take a day off

But he was going to come.

How

Know?

Will I

among

work, and she would be there,

guy who'd bothered to come be with her despite the

all

the

fact that she

her friends, with

way from Navan

a

to

wasn't the prettiest,

or the coolest, or any of those things. Despite the fact that

on her

she had scars that she

was missing

and arms. Despite the

legs

He

a finger.

was

coming

still

fact

to see

her.

Of

course she'd invited a few other blokes to the

barbecue too -

after

who went to the To them she was just

Denzil and Sam,

all,

same school, were both

friends.

another person. But they weren't boyfriends. Steve was.

She texted back to say

how

great

it

was that he could

come, and then rummaged some more boxes until she found a written in

Bill

Hudson's

illegible

peered inside and saw the

whoop attic

on

as she

lights.

cardboard

in the

bag with

plastic

a label attached

doctor's scrawl. She

She gave

a

triumphant

grabbed them and then switched off the

bulb before swinging herself out of the trap door and

to the stepladder below.

Phydough was being driven demented by scents of burgers, sausages that the house

was

and chicken.

in a state

He

of frenzied

the competing

was

also aware

activity

and that

things were being dragged out of their normal places,

He

which he didn't

like.

looking hopefully

at the fridge

or Eileen walked by. But

now

they'd

all

it

under the kitchen

sat

remained resolutely closed, and

gone outside with the bag

brought down from the

table,

every time Claire, Georgia

attic.

followed them into the garden.

461

He

that Georgia

had

sighed deeply and

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'People won't be here late enough for the lights to

any difference,' remarked Claire as she

on the

and looked

grass

'Of course they

and

five, for

probably

all

heaven's sake.'

be gone by nine.'

dark enough by then,' said Eileen.

'It's

of the

'I

like

the idea

lights, Claire.'

T know, on

they'll

out

it.

protested Georgia. 'They won't

will,'

be coming until about 'Yes,

at

make

laid the string

I

know. You two do nothing but outvote

on

things.' Claire tightened the screws

she was checking before shoving

Immediately the string

lit

it

me

the plug which

into the outside socket.

up and Georgia clapped her

hands with pleasure. 'It'll

be

she said.

like a fairy grotto,'

Claire looked sceptical.

'Where

will I

put them?'

'Where did Dad put them?' asked Georgia. 'At the time there were a couple of skinny bushes at

the side wall,'

remembered

Claire.

'But he cut them

down.'

'How about through

the

first

apple tree?' suggested

Eileen. 'Will they reach?'

'Sure they will,' said Georgia. 'The flex goes

Will

I

'If

do you

Claire

it,

for ever.

like.'

and Eileen watched

tree, taking the lights

scant regard for safety

twisted the lights

as

Georgia shinned up the

with her. Claire tried not to appear

anxious as her daughter

'Try

on

Mum?'

among

them now,' she

hung out of

the branches with

and the laws of

gravity while she

the leaves.

called

when

462

she'd finished.

'

How It

was

difficult to see the

bright sunshine but they

by the

Know?

Will I

all

coloured

fairy lights in the

agreed they would look lovely

evening.

late

'Provided they don't blow the entire fuses for the hoi:

Tm sure there must be some kind of shelf

said Claire.

life

for them.'

you hardly ever used them,' Georgia pointed

'Yeah, but

out. 'They're probably

'What would be

you

lent torches

waved what

at a fly

it's like

light

brand new/

like

still

really

good would be those

and

insect repel-

the ground.' Eileen

stick in

which had landed on her arm. 'You know

in the

evening when

those midges

all

come

out.'

'We should have thought of

Tm

anguished.

'Too

late

sure

I

saw

Georgia looked

that!'

them on the Tesco

website.

now,' said Claire.

'Maybe the hardware shop has some,' suggested Georgia. 'Will 'If

you

I

like.'

go and check?' Claire

was quite

relived at the

idea of

She was

Georgia getting out of the house for

a while.

exhausted by her daughter's efforts

ensuring that the

at

barbecue was the most successful social event ever to have

happened

in their lives.

'Have you got any money?' demanded Georgia.

'My bag to spend

is

on the kitchen

table,' said Claire. 'Try

'Don't worry. I'm limited by what

Georgia cheerfully and trotted Claire

not

it all!' I

can carry,' said

off.

and Eileen exchanged glances. Both of them

smiled.

463

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'How about

a

cup of

tea?'

suggested Eileen.

'Wonderful,' said Claire.

They'd

just finished

wondering how long

second cup and Claire was

their it

would

take Georgia to get to the

hardware store and back when she returned, staggering

through the house with half

a

dozen six-foot-high

torches. 4

You must be knackered!' Claire took them from under 'How on earth did you manage to get that lot

her arm. back?'

you

'Easier than 'I

got a

lift

Georgia flopped on to a

think.'

chair.

home.'

'Huh?'

'On the way she explained. 'Georgia,

to the hardware shop 'I

it's

I

called into Taylor's,'

thought that maybe they did them.' a florist's, for heaven's sake.'

'They're a gardener's as well,' Georgia pointed out. 'And it

would have saved me

a lot

of

effort.

But they don't.

Nate explained to me that they can get stuff for gardens - like the thermometer - but they don't carry much stock. Certainly nothing very big because the shop

is

really quite

small.'

'So

you ended up going to the hardware

'Yes,

'He what?' 'I

I

told

was

Claire's voice

don't mind being in a

when

store?'

but Nate drove me.'

him what

I

filled

car,' said

with consternation.

Georgia

easily.

'And

was doing he offered to drive

up to Tesco because he knew offer on them.'

me

that they were doing a special

464

How

Know?

Will I

'Honestly, Georgia!' Claire looked at her angrily. "You

shouldn't have allowed him to do that.'

'He 'I

offered,' repeated Georgia.

know. But he's

a stranger

still

and

I've told

you

a

thousand times about getting into cars with strange men.'

'Oh

Mum!'

for heaven's sake,

with annoyance.

'It's

Georgia's eyes flashed

Nate we're talking about. He was

here every day for ages. He's nice. 'It

doesn't matter

how

I

know

he

is/

nice he seems,' said Claire. 'You

know him or anything about him.' know he's nice,' protested Georgia. 'He gave us the thermometer, didn't he? And he never did anything to

don't 'I

make you think

And mean. - we did

I

that he wasn't

know

about

a thing

definitely isn't

.

.

.

You're

just

being cranky.

there are weird, pervy blokes out there it

in

school

year - but Nate

last

one of them.'

'Maybe you're overreacting

a little, Claire/ said Eileen

gendy.

'Maybe.' Claire exhaled loudly. 'But

still.

I'm sure he

had better things to do than take you to Tesco.' 'It

only took him a few minutes,' said Georgia. 'And

they were doing a two-for-the-price-of-one on the torches. I

wouldn't have been able to carry

ware.

You know

I

six

back from the hard-

wouldn't.'

Eileen looked from her daughter to her granddaughter

and then suggested that maybe

it

was about time she got

ready and that perhaps Georgia could help. 'Absolutely.' Georgia looked pleased. for you.'

465

'I

can do your hair

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Sure.' Eileen tried to

keep the trepidation out of her

voice.

'Don't worry,

turn you into a sex symbol,' Georgia

I'll

assured her. 'So that you look sensational in front of the

new woman.' 'Well 'I'd

.' .

.

want

to,' said

Georgia

firmly.

'Would you?' Claire looked 'Well of course

Mum, no

I

her curiously.

at

would!' cried Georgia. 'Let's face

it,

matter what, you always want to appear desir-

able to blokes you've once

'How do you know

gone out

that?'

with.'

demanded

Claire.

wasn't

'I

aware that there was such a big supply of ex -boyfriends

in

your armoury.' 'There

agreed Georgia. 'But

isn't,'

it's

common

sense,

isn't it?' 'Yes.'

do

my 'I'll

Eileen nodded.

'It is.

And OK,

Georgey, you can

hair.'

do yours too

if

you

like,

Mum?' She looked

enquir-

ingly at Claire.

'Thanks but

I

can manage,' said Claire.

'Well don't forget to

make

yourself look gorgeous

anyway,' Georgia told her. 'I'll

do my

best,' replied Claire drily.

Fifteen minutes before the Eileen, Claire

first

T

really will.'

guests were due to arrive,

and Georgia stood

in the kitchen. Claire

was

uncorking a bottle of white wine. She eased the cork gendy

from the neck of the bottle and filling a third,

filled

two

which she handed to Georgia.

466

glasses, half

How

Will I

Know?

'No sneaking drink when you think I'm not looking/ she warned.

no

'You're

fun.'

But Georgia's eyes twinkled.

'Cheers.' Eileen held out her glass. Claire

clinked theirs against

and Georgia

it.

'Bottoms up for the party Nelligans,' said Georgia. 'And Gran, even though

I

say so myself,

you look absolutely

fabulous!' 'She's right,' agreed Claire.

'Thank you.' Eileen blushed

slightly as she

appearance (for the twentieth time)

checked her

in the small kitchen

mirror. 'You did a great job, Georgia.'

know.' Georgia looked

'I

smug

as

she regarded her

grandmother. Eileen's normally

wavy and unkempt salt-and-peppcr

had been tamed into

hair

bob, held

a sleek

Georgia's favourite fixing gel.

The change

about ten years from her age, and despite the

was

still

leave face it.

in place

in style

by

knocked

tact that she-

wearing her glasses (she couldn't, she told Georgia,

them

off,

she'd keep walking into things), her entire

was more open without

hair

tumbling waywaitlly about

Georgia had been surprised to

realise that Eileen also

had amber

flecks in her slightly darker eyes

the aid of

some foundation which

Claire

and

that, with

had given

her,

she had an almost continental complexion.

'You look

chic,' she told Eileen.

'Kind of middle-aged

Parisienne.'

Eileen laughed. 'Ancient Parisienne, maybe.'

'No, suits

truly.'

you.

Georgia was quite serious. 'The make-up

You should wear

it

more

467

often.'

Sheila

don't normally bother/ admitted Eileen.

'I

'You and

my

OWanagan

best,

Mum

both.' Georgia sighed theatrically.

but what good

is -it if

you both

l

I

do

me down!'

let

'At least I'm wearing make-up,' said Eileen as she looked

accusingly at Claire.

'I'm wearing tinted moisturiser!' cried Claire. 'And blusher!'

'Mum

doesn't really do the make-up thing,' Georgia

though I'm always would be good.'

told Eileen. 'Even lippy

telling her that darker

'Oh, shut up!' But Claire smiled.

She looked

gone

light

at herself in the

mirror too. Although she'd

on the make-up she knew

had given her

face

the leaf-green cotton dress she'd

with

Con and

ponytail, held in place

And

worn

for her lunch date

cinnamon

it

a

little

more than OK, because even

a part of her that

was apprehensive about

was another part of her that was just a

that part

suited her

hair into a very loose

by a vivid green scrunchie. She thought

OK. Maybe

though there was today, there

summer's sun

Lacey because she knew that

colouring. She'd pulled her

she looked

that the

and body a healthy glow. She was wearing

brought a sparkle to her

bit excited.

eyes.

She looked away from her own reflection and daughter instead. She'd had to clamp her

initial

reaction

when

down

at

her

very hard on

she'd seen Georgia's outfit of

an impossibly short tangerine

skirt

and

a figure-hugging

sunflower-yellow belly- top. There was no doubt that

Georgia had the build to carry off the look. In fact, Claire

had thought

totally unforgiving

in horrified

amazement,

Georgia looked incredibly sexy and grown-up in

468

it,

with

How

Will I

Know?

her hair gelled and spiked and an incredibly deft application of

make-up which gave her smoky, rock-chick eyes

and pouting,

kissable lips.

What happened

am

my

to

How the my very

a creature like this before

hell did she turn into

wondered

eyes?

Claire.

baby daughter? And how the

hell

going to keep her away from predatory blokes for

I

another few years

when

'I'm not really sure

on the

table.

I

she looks so like wine.'

'According to Sive's

damn wonderful?

Georgia put the

sister,

glass

alcopops are miles

better.'

Claire felt a dagger of fear in her heart.

want you drinking 'I

'I

really

don't

that stuff,' she said as mildly as she could.

dunno.' Georgia shrugged.

go out and drink alcopops,' begged

'Please, please don't Claire. 'If

you want to

try

them, maybe we could do

it

at

home.' only a child!' Eileen was scandalised

'Claire! Georgia's at the

at

thought of her daughter and granddaughter

home

sitting

slugging alcopops.

'I'm not a child,' said Georgia sharply.

Tm not an adult

but I'm not a child.'

The sound of a

car

door slamming was

excitedly at

welcome one.

a

Georgia rushed to the door and opened

it.

She waved

Robyn, who'd got out of the SUV, Leonie

and Mike following

her.

Leonie was wearing

a similar skirt

to Georgia, in shocking pink.

'Come round

the side!' called Georgia. 'Everything's

set up.'

Eileen and Claire exchanged glances.

'Here goes,' said Claire,

as she

469

stepped outside.

Chapter 34

Dictamnus (Burning Bush) - Pale pink or oils

are

an

irritant

and

will ignite if a

white, the surface

match

is

struck beside

them on a

warm sunny

Eavan

Keating walked out of the en-suite bathroom

day.

and back into the bedroom. Glenn's jeans and casual shirt

were

still

on the bed. She opened the wardrobe door

and slipped on her royal -blue sun -dress before clipping pair

a

of gold earrings on to her ears and fastening her gold

locket

around her neck.

She heard the sound of the front door

welcoming cry

as

Glenn opened

it

bell

and

Saffy's

and Candida walked

in.

Their voices were muffled

as

they went through into the

room. Eavan looked

at

her watch.

living

She walked

down

Glenn glanced

the at

It

was

after five.

stairs.

her as she entered the

turned his attention back to

room and then

Saffy.

'Hi, Candida,' she said brightly.

'Great thanks, Eavan.'

470

'How're you?'

How

Will I

Know?

'We're not expecting to be too late/ Eavan told her. 'We'll

go

He

soon

as

Glenn's ready.'

as

got up and walked wordlessly out of the room.

Eavan looked

him while Candida frowned

after

slightly.

a lovely day for a barbecue,' the babysitter said

'It's

eventually.

Eavan nodded.

'When got

all

my dad where you

told

I

guvs were going he

enthusiastic about having a barbecue himself,

Candida told

B and

'So he nipped out to

her.

Q

1

and

bought one of those disposable ones.' 'Want

barbecue with you.' Saffy pouted.

a

'We'll have

one of our own,' promised Candida.

you and me.' She smiled house

at

sale?'

'Not

Eavan

yet,' said

doorway wearing

and uncombed.

'But

tightly.

heard Glenn's footsteps on the the

'Just

Eavan. 'Any news on your

stairs

his jeans

and

that he

early days.

1

She

and he reappeared

in

shirt, his hair ruffled

looked cute that way, thought Eavan,

It

unlike his normally neat style.

somehow,

it's

meant to look

But she didn't think, cute.

'Ready?' he asked shortly. 'Sure.'

She smiled

at Saffy

and dropped

a kiss

on her

head. 'Be good,' she said.

'Always am.' 'See

you

later.'

and Candida

He

Eavan's words encompassed both Saffy

as she

followed Glenn out of the house.

walked around to the passenger

'You want

me

side

to drive?' She looked at

471

of the

him

car.

uncertainly.

Sheila

up

'It's set

'Sure, but

O Flana0an J

for you, isn't

he asked.

it?'

.' .

.

'Then you can

drive.'

She pressed the central locking key and opened the

Glenn got

driver's door.

in beside her.

She started the car

and edged out of the house and on to the main road. They drove in a silence that was becoming more uneasy with every passing second.

worse was

a

ably, they'd

silence.

Though how

things could be getting

mystery to Eavan. After

And

spent the she

last

all,

she thought miser-

twenty- four hours locked in

wondered whether

that

was ever going

more to it now than Glenn losing his job. There was more to it than her working part time. Since last night, things between them had changed to change. Because there was

irrevocably.

She'd stayed out in the garden with her back to the house, hoping that he'd

around her

like

come

after

her and put his arms

he'd always done before

when

they'd

argued. But he hadn't and then she'd heard the sound of

breaking

was

filled

glass.

Her

heart had skidded in her chest and she

with the unaccountable fear that maybe he was

smashing up the house in

his frustration. Part

of her would

have understood that. She'd hesitated and then walked

back inside, to find him mopping the wine from the kitchen floor.

She looked

at

alcohol, unsure of 'I

knocked

didn't drink

it.

it

I

him, aghast

at the sight

of the

spilled

what had happened.

over,'

he said abruptiy. 'Don't panic.

didn't dare. It

an admission, wouldn't

it?'

'An admission of what?' Her voice shook.

472

I

would have been more of

How 'An admission that

Will I

can't keep

I

for perfection,' he snapped.

father

and

a lousy

Know? up with your demands

'An admission that I'm

a lousy

husband and an all-round lousy drunk.'

'But you're none of those things,' she said quietly. 'I'm

of those

all

things,' he retorted.

have married you, Eavan.

me what

'You've always given

'Then you've

I

should never

'I

you what you want.'

wanted!' she cried.

your sights too low,' he

set

keep up with your

can't give

I

said.

'I

can't

ideals.'

'For Christ's sake!' She stared at him, her eyes scalding

with unshed

you

tears.

don't have

'I

ideals!

don't deserve

I

either.'

'No, you don't,' he agreed. 'You deserve someone like mine. Someone you can depend Someone you're not expecting to fall off the wagon at

without a past

on. the

slightest provocation!' 'I

don't!' she cried.

He

need someone

'I

and unclenching her

fists as

thoughts tumbled through her mind.

It

she knew, to say the right thing now.

Not

worse than he did

'Glenn, relaxed.

come

nothing

in the

in

'And

if

to

make him

on!' she said, trying to keep her voice

We

a

good

whole scheme of

one

We've been

come between

us.

It's

things.'

now

it's

all

direction,' said Glenn, his back

still

to

you think

don't understand

partnership.

can't let this

'We might have been weighted

conflicting

was important,

already.

'We were always

happy together.

her.

1

turned away from her and she stood watching him

helplessly, clenching

feel

you.

like

me

a partnership but

that this at

all.'

473

is

nothing, then you really

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Of course 'It

I

do!' she cried. 'Glenn

.

.' .

might be stupid and immature of

fact that

me

to resent the

you're the one who's doing everything now,' he

told her tightly. 'But

can't help

I

it.

And

can't help

I

resenting that you're the one with the blameless past yet

you're

still

make

the one who's had to

sacrifices

now and

who's simply rolled up her sleeves and got on with

Eavan swallowed.

don't have a blameless

'I

it.'

she

past,'

said.

'No dark

secrets, though,'

he said harshly. 'No personal

problems that colour everything that happens to you. People don't look

at

you and define you because of some-

thing unsavoury in your

'Alcoholism

isn't

life.'

something unsavoury,' she

said. 'It's

a disease.'

'Yeah, yeah.

'Glenn

'Oh,

round

.

.

let's

.'

I

know

She

bit

the shit they

her

lip. 'I

.

.

.

make

there's

not continue talking about

at her. 'I'm tired

of

us

say.'

more

this!'

to

He

it

.' .

.

looked

it.'

'Listen to me,' she said urgently, glancing out to the

garden where Saffy was sitting unconcernedly sandpit.

'It's

not only you

wrong. Honestiy

He

who

in her

has problems or gets things

it isn't.'

snorted while this time she clenched her

fists

so

tightiy that she could feel her nails cut into her palms.

'I'm not the person you think breathlessly. 'You've built

woman and

me up

I'm absolutely not.

and swallowed hard.

'I've

I

made

mistakes.'

474

I

into .

.

am,' she continued

some kind of wonder .' She looked at him

mistakes too. Terrible

How 'Like what?' he

Will I

demanded

She had to tell

tell

him. But

him. But

if

it

in the living- room

was

do

Oh

hell,

now

it

?'

She didn't

really hard.

she didn't

deserved to know. Maybe, though, time.

wrong

roughly. 'Buying the

shade of blue for the curtains

want to

Know?

.

.

.

and he

wasn't the right

this

she thought, no time would be the right

time. She swallowed hard

and pressed her

fingers to her

temples. 'I

had an abortion,' she told him

starkly.

'Before

I

met

you.'

Glenn stared

at

her in silent disbelief. The tears which

she'd kept in check suddenly spilled from her eyes and

down

her cheeks.

She choked out the story to him. with a guy whose bility

name

Of the one night stand Of the impossi-

she didn't know.

of having a baby when her mother had been so

Of the

fact that Bill

ill.

and Claire Hudson had been the only

non-judgemental people

in

her

life

right then

and of how

they'd helped her.

Hudson,' said Glenn. T might have guessed. why you've stayed so friendly with her even though she's driven you mad ever since Bill died.' 'She was good to me when I needed someone,' said 'Claire

That's

Eavan. 'You've no idea what

'Seems not,' said Glenn

much about all

the person

I

it

was

sourly.

like.'

'Seems

married as

I

I

didn't

know

thought. Seems

as

like

of the being honest with each other was one-sided.

Seems

like I

was taken

for a fool.'

'Oh, Glenn!' Eavan looked miserably

T need

to be

on my own

at

him.

for a while,' he said.

475

Sheila

O'Flanagan

He'd walked out of the kitchen and up the stayed upstairs

all

evening, and

when Eavan

to bed, she'd realised that He

stairs.

He'd

eventually

was sleeping

went

in the spare

room. Since then

it

had been

a

cat-and-mouse game. Whenever

she'd gone into a room, Glenn had

left

it.

She'd been

determined not to be the one to crack and speak

though she she'd kept her.

it

again. Yet for the

She didn't

She knew she should

afraid.

time in their married

first

had no idea what to really

talk to

life,

him

she really

say.

want to go to

Claire's

barbecue

but nor did she want to stay in the house. tually she

even

from him and beg him to forgive

a secret

But she was

first

wanted Glenn to understand why

really just

was the one

who

And

either,

so even-

broke the silence and asked

him whether they were going. 'I

said I'd come.'

His voice was

her

taut. 'I can't let

think she's the only one who's been caring and under-

standing towards

Now

my

wife.'

Eavan choked back the urge to cry again and

gripped the steering wheel of the car more

wanted to be anywhere but

in the car

She

tightly.

with him, with

anything else planned rather than a social gathering where she was supposed to be animated and fun.

The

truth was,

she hadn't expected that they'd be going. But she didn't

know what 'Shit!'

else to do.

She braked hard

as a car cut in front

of

her.

'You were going too slowly,' said Glenn. 'That's

he overtook you

'No

I

like that.'

wasn't.'

476

why

'

How

Willi Know?

He

'Oh, sorry, forgot.'

glanced

You can do no wrong. Oh, that

at her. 'You're perfect.

sorry, forgot again.

'For crying out loud!'

There

oral

knew nothing about.' This time she slammed on the

episode of the abortion

little

I

brakes and the cars behind her hooted in annoyance. She pulled over to the side of the road and switched

hazard warning

take this any more.

of

me

that

And

choice.

kept

I

it

had

whether

it

a part

was the right damn

from you because

secret

can't

a terrible, terrible

had the abortion and there's

I

isn't sure

still

I

on the

T

she turned to Glenn.

really can't.

I

make when

choice to

Then

lights.

I

thought

me for it. And you do, don't you? 'I don't know how I feel about you,' said Glenn. don't know how I feel about you or me or anything any 1

that you'd despise

W

I

more. Because turns out

'No

it

it

damn

all

based on

didn't

I

something from

me

my

job.

I

admit

too. Let's call

You don't

life

and

it

I

kept something

to you. In the end you kept

lie

hardly the same thing,

'It's

one

living

lies.'

OK,

well wasn't!

from you. But

losing

thought we were

I

was

tell

it

is it?

I

quits.'

don't

me about

—

tell

you about

'Glenn, please,' begged Eavan as she rested her head

on the

steering wheel. 'Please, please understand.'

Glenn opened the 'Where 'I

are

car door.

She looked up anxiously

you going?'

need to walk,' he

said.

'But what about Claire?'

'You go to

Claire's,'

She

lip.

bit

her

he

'It's still

said.

'I'll

see

miles away.'

'So?'

477

you

there.'

Sheila

'But

.

.

O'Flanagan

She hesitated. 'Look, why don't

.'

park the car

I

somewhere and walk with you?' 'Because

'Glenn

I

want to be

on"

my

.

my

'I

want to be on

'I

love you,' she said. 'This

He He

leaned into the

own,' he repeated

car. 'It's

firmly.

my head.' my head too.'

messing with

is

messing with

closed the car door and walked towards the seafront.

Eavan watched

Then

own.'

.' .

his tall figure as

he strode away from

Georgia was looking out for Steve arrived

and

now

6

she was beginning to

Se.

He

to be a big surprise for

hadn't

girls,

wanting

them when he showed up, wanting

to appear aloof and casual about

edgier and edgier until

still

wonder whether he

ever would. She hadn't said anything to the it

her.

she started the engine and pulled away.

it.

But she was getting

Robyn asked her what

the hell was

the matter.

'Nothing,' she said, glancing towards the knot of people at the side

appear

of the house and willing Steve to suddenly

among them. But

of women

who

shrieked with enthusiasm their

way over

the latest arrivals were a group

she guessed were from

when

Locum

Libris.

they saw Claire and

They made

to her, laughing and embracing her.

Georgia watched them with narrowed eyes.

Somehow

she'd always thought that the people her mother worked

with would be more Claire Libris

Claire

like Claire herself.

had become. Quiet and

women were

serious.

Or

at least

bright and bubbly and in their

seemed bright and bubbly

how

But the Locum

company on

too. Georgia looked

478

i

How astonishment

in

Maybe

Know?

Will I

as Claire high-fived

her mother persona

it's

Trinny Armstrong.

when

around me,

she's

thought Georgia. Maybe she thinks she has to be serious

and

She smiled

quiet.

Trinny

as

something

Claire laughed at

Georgia knew that she needed Claire to be

said.

That she depended on knowing

serious sometimes.

her mother would always do the right thing. But

that

was

it

nice to see her laugh so unselfconsciously too. 'It's

not a bad

of fun,

bit

is

it?'

Robyn nibbled

wish your

mum

hadn't got in quite so

going to have to go on

around her

'You don't need to she the

a diet.'

waist. 'Gross, isn't

much

She pinched

at

Though

chicken wing, oblivious to Georgia's thoughts.

a I

food. Tin

a bit

of

flesh

it?'

diet,' said

Georgia

loyally,

though

knew that Robyn had put on loads of weight during summer thanks to the tons of food available at the She would've put on weight

Irish College.

thought,

if it

she

herself,

hadn't been for the fact that she'd obviously

inherited her grandfather's genes.

He'd always been

lean.

She was too. 'You look so

Robyn.

'Plus,

'D'you think 'I

much

your so?'

was hoping that 'Nope.'

better in that top than me,'

tits

are even bigger now.

Georgia looked anxiously it

was

my

added

1

at

her boobs.

imagination.'

Robyn wiped barbecue sauce from her Hudson, you could make

'I'm telling you, Georgia

chin. it

big

in lingerie modelling!'

'Get

lost!'

Georgia dug her friend

caught her breath. 'Oh.'

'Oh what?' 479

in the ribs

and then

Sheila

O'Flanagan

'Oh,' said Georgia again. 'He came.

A

wide beam broke across her face

He

as she

actually came.'

saw Steve

6

Se

walk into the garden.

Eileen Shanahan was discussing rising house prices with

Alan Bellew,

who had (somewhat

at five o'clock exactly

guests to

show

to her surprise) arrived

and was, therefore, one of the

first

up. Despite the sun and the casual nature

of the barbecue, Alan was once again dressed tailored suit, with a crisp white shirt

in

an elegantly

and dark red

tie.

His

white hair was neatly styled and his shoes gleamed. (Eileen always noticed a man's shoes. Well-polished shoes had been

men to live up to.) He really is. And I'm racy for me and asked him

one of Kate Nelligan's standards He's

attractive,

glad that

I

for

thought Eileen.

did something a bit

come along. It was worth it. It's not like I'm expecting very much out of this but it's nice to have someone goodlooking beside me. Someone who seems to want to be beside me. She smiled at him and tucked a wisp of hair to

behind her 'I

like

ear.

it,'

he

She looked

said.

at

him

in puzzlement.

'What you did to your 'Thank you.' She granddaughter styled the short

more

skirt.

like a

At

hair. It's different. It suits

realised that she it

for

you.'

was blushing. 'My

me. She's the young thing

least, she's calling

it

a skirt.

To me

in

it's

hairband around her waist!'

Alan followed her gaze to where Georgia and Robyn

were standing, looking 'She's very pretty,'

in Steve's direction.

he

said.

480

How 'Isn't she?' Eileen's

Will I

Know?

tone was wry. 'She's going to give

her mother a ton of trouble in a year or two.'

'Maybe 'Not really. 'I

not.'

But Alan sounded doubtful.

amended.

intentionally,' Eileen

She

thought beautiful

'To be honest,

it's

only in the

last

good

'She's a

how pretty she women always knew/

just doesn't realise

girl

is.'

couple of months

that she's blossomed,' said Eileen. 'And, of course, there are the injuries.'

Alan frowned and Eileen explained about the accident in Jamaica.

'How

awful,' he said. 'It

something

must be

really

hard to get over

like that.'

'I'm hoping that they're managing,' said Eileen. 'If they're

anything

She realised that

you, they'll manage

just fine.'

were looking affection

She blushed again. Alan smiled and squeezed

ately at her.

her arm.

like

his blue eyes

seemed natural to her to

It

rest

shoulder for a second before looking up

then she saw

Con and

Con's eyes widened

as

at

her head on his

him

again.

And

Lacey making their way over.

he saw Eileen look up

at

the

man

beside her. There was an expression on her face that he

hadn't seen in a very long time. at

him.

He

A

way she'd once looked

stared at both of them, lagging behind Lacey,

who walked

straight over to

them.

'Hi, Eileen,' she said. 'You're looking well.'

'Thanks,' said Eileen. 'So are you.' She took in Laccy\

expensive cerise dress, multicoloured shoes, and matching bag.

Her trademark chunky

jewellery was silver and her

481

Sheila

golden hair gleamed

O'Flanagan

evening sunlight.

in the

'I

like

the

shoes.'

Lacey smiled. 'Lovely to look

at,

crucifying to wear,

you'd think I'd have more sense.' She glanced

at

Alan and

held out her hand. 'Lacey Dillon.' 'Alan Bellew,' he said.

Eileen

felt

her heart race as she noticed

how

Alan's

glance flickered over Lacey 's trim, toned body. She was horrified to realised that she resented his evident approval

of

how

woman looked. Con almost, but not

the other

'Hello, pet.'

quite, kissed Eileen

on the cheek. 'You look amazing.' 'And you're keeping it

well,

I

hope?' Eileen always found

strange to have casual conversations with Con. She didn't

love

him any more. She was

living his

life

at ease in his

perfectiy

happy to have him

with Lacey. But she couldn't ever truly

company.

And

she couldn't stand beside

feel

him

and not rernember that one night of abandoned passion

which had resulted

in Claire

and

in a marriage that she'd

never really wanted. 'Fine,'

he

They were

said.

He adjusted the waistband of his trousers.

biscuit-coloured casuals. Slacks, Eileen

would

once have called them, but she was pretty sure there was a different loose.

term for them now. His

shirt

as Alan.

Although,

in

all

fairness,

Alan was dressed for a

Dublin 4 garden party rather than

But she couldn't help

a

feeling a flash

Saturday barbecue.

of

she was standing beside such an attractive

And

was striped and

He looked OK, she thought, but not half as groomed

a slight frisson because she

482

satisfaction that

man

knew he was

right now.

attracted to

How her.

Know?

Will I

The subdued excitement made her

eyes sparkle and

her skin glow. 'Alan, this

my

is

ex-husband, Con,' she

meet you,'

'Pleased to

said Alan.

been able to work on Eileen's

Con looked

said.

Tm delighted to have

behalf.'

surprised.

'Alan was the main negotiator

on the

sale

of Ambleside,'

Eileen explained.

'Oh.'

'He was extremely

T

helpful.'

see.'

'There's Claire!' Lacey suddenly spotted her in the

crowd of people. 'And I'm She smiled

'Can

I

just

'I

should say

Alan and

at

hello.'

going to get another drink,' at

said Eileen.

Con.

get you guys anything?'

They both shook

their

heads and she walked away, leaving them together. 'Lacey Dillon?

Is

that the recruitment

crowd? 1 asked

Alan.

Con nodded. 'Amazingly successful.'

Con.

'Yes,' said

'Worth a

Con

lot

of money.'

shrugged.

she's well off,

What's hers

is

T don't know about

that.

but we haven't discussed hers and what's

mine

is

it

I

suppose

very much.

mine/

'You're getting half the proceeds of Eileen's house? 'It

was the family home,'

of your

damn

'Of course

said

business.' not,' agreed Alan.

483

Con

edgily.

'And

it's

1

none

Sheila O'Flanagcin

Con

looked

at

him

not thinking

speculatively. 'You're

of moving in on her, are you?' he asked sharply. Alan laughed. 'Moving

in

on

'Eileen. She's a very sensitive

want you messing with her 'I

her?'

woman, you know.

knows how

rather think she

don't

I

feelings.'

to look after her

own

feelings,' said Alan.

'You needn't think that just because she has some

from the house you can romance

it

money

away from under her

nose.'

Alan laughed again. 'You're getting the wrong end of the

stick,'

thing.

But

he

said.

'I've

no intention of doing any such

Eileen. She's a

I like

good woman. And

attrac-

tive too.'

'Attractive

.

.

.

well

'You don't think

had stopped to

.' .

.

so?'

talk to

Alan looked over to where Eileen

another woman.

'I

think she's very

attractive. Especially so today.'

'She does look well today,' agreed Con. Eileen. Certainly the

she was

still

a

new

hairstyle

plump, motherly

He

looked

at

took years off her. But

woman

in a flowery skirt

more than he'd ever seen her smile before and even though her eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun. Then he looked over towards Lacey, who was talking to Leonie O'Malley. As he watched, Lacey and plain top, even

slid

if

she was smiling

her foot out of one of her high-heeled shoes and

rubbed her

ankle.

'She's very attractive too,' said Alan, following his glance. 'In a different way.' 'I

think

I'll

get a drink after

484

all,'

Con

said.

'Excuse

me

How a

minute,

will

you.'

Will I

He

Know?

walked towards the

stopped to speak to Eileen again

'You never said he was coming!

as

cried

'

And

bar.

he went.

Robyn

accusingly

to Georgia. 'You didn't say you'd invited him.' 'I

wasn't sure he could make

Georgia's eves gleamed

it.'

with excitement. didn't realise

'I

Georgia looked

you fancied him quite so much.' her friend and giggled. 'Neither did

at

she said.

I,'

had seen Con and Lacey

Claire

arrive but

had been diverted

by Joanna Gregory, who'd stopped her to ask attractive

man

who

the

in the suit was. Claire, rather distractedly,

told her that Alan was a friend of her mother's, at which

Joanna's face dropped. 'Are there any single

men

at all?'

Frank Maddox, from the Smash

she

demanded

just as

Grab

club, walked by.

'Actually, yes,' said Claire firmly. "Frank

- Joanna. Joanna

- Frank. Both of you

are single.

&:

Chat to each other

for a

minute.'

She

left

the

while she bore

two of them together

in startled

silence

down on Con.

'Dad!' 'Darling.'

'This this

is

happening here

'It's

lot

He hugged

wonderful.

a bit

I

her and kissed her on the cheek.

never thought I'd see anything

like

again.'

of a nightmare,' she

said.

of single female friends looking for

of them to go round!'

485

'I

seem

men and

to have a

not enough

Sheila

'I

managed

see you've

O'Flanagan

to find

one

for

'Not me.' Claire looked appraisingly

found him

all

by

your mother.' her father. 'She

at

herself. Nice, isn't he?'

'If you like that sort

of man,' said Con.

'Bit strait-laced,

don't you think?' 'At

him

first,'

said Claire blithely. 'But

he's really lovely.

once you get to know

Mum

think he likes

I

a lot.'

'Do you now?' 'She says there's nothing

'Absolutely,' said Claire.

between them, but

.' .

.

Con. 'He's

'Surely not,' said

totally

wrong

for her.'

'Excuse me?' Claire looked at her father in wry amuse-

ment. 'You're the

man who was

wrong

totally

for her,

don't you think?'

'Oh, but for heaven's sake!' tion.

'Look

him. Suit and

at

man

not the sort of 'I

don't think

'Besides,

sort

of

it's

Con nodded tie

in Alan's direc-

and shiny shoes. That's

Eileen needs.'

up to you any more, Dad,'

you have Lacey, don't you? And

said Claire.

she's hardly the

woman I pictured for you either. Don't forget, I who thought you and Mum were a perfect

was the one couple.' 'It's just

.

.

.'

didn't see your find

someone

Con

scratched the back of his head.

mother

as

'I

being the sort of woman who'd

else.'

'Well, she has,' said Claire pertly.

'And I'm delighted

for her.'

'You

still

blame me,' said Con.

'Ah, Dad, no.' Suddenly Claire put her 'I

don't.

And

I

know

I

was

arm around him.

a bit childish

486

about

it

but

I

How think you were right to

you and Lacey

that

'Thank you,'

'Sure 'I've .

.

.

.

no

there's a

Con.

honestly hope

I

want to introduce her to

'I

is

where Georgey

.

Claire looked around.

.'

.

is.

gang of her

little

And

happy together.'

right with you?'

all

and Georgey

.

.

idea

Know?

call it a day.

are very

said

Georgia. If that's

Will I

She was here

minute ago

a

friends at the back of the

garden, obviously not wanting to mix with the old

up

here.

But

I

don't see Georgia herself.

Georgia and Steve were

sitting

on the

fog

.' .

grass at the back of

the garden, half hidden from view by the apple tree and the

huge

much

escallonia bush. Georgia

was surprised

remembered from Galway, and how many suddenly appeared on that spots herself,

were

but

over the place!)

his face.

his It

The

spots had

(Not, she told herself hastily,

poor skin seemed to have erupted

was nice to

she'd built up a picture of bloke.

how

problem, wasn't she always getting them

a

still,

at

seemed compared with the guy she

skinnier Steve

actual Steve

all

see him, but in her head

him

as a taller,

somehow

more

athletic

wasn't as gorgeous as

she remembered. 'I

can't believe

you came,'

said Georgia.

'You invited me,' he pointed out. 'I

'It

know.'

was nice to have something

else to

do on

a Saturday

for a change.'

'Thanks for 'I

all

the texts,' she said.

enjoy them,' Steve told her. 'Keeps

times.'

487

me

sane some-

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'How's things 'The same

They

at

home?' she asked.

as usual.'

sat in silence as bursts

of chatter and laughter from

down

the garden

wondered Georgia,

that they'd

the other people at the barbecue floated

How was

towards them.

it,

been able to keep up text conversations that had blasted

through her phone credits it

was so much harder to

want to

didn't

make him

in a single afternoon talk to

him

but that

face to face?

say anything stupid, anything that

regret coming.

She

would

And yet he wasn't helping, sitting

here beside her and not saying anything unless she spoke first.

She'd imagined that

when

they finally met there 'd be

a spark

between them again. She'd thought, somehow, that

things

would

click into place

he cared about cared about

her.

him

And

realise how much know how much she

and he'd

that she'd

too. She'd thought that they

would

find

out they were meant for each other. Soulmates. She picked at a blade

of grass and rubbed

stupid could that be?

it

between her

fingers.

How

They weren't soulmates. They were

just ordinary mates.

'You OK?' he asked suddenly. 'Sure, yes.' 'I

thought you might be regretting asking me.'

'I

thought you might be regretting coming.'

He

smiled. It was his smile, she

found so his eyes

remembered, that she'd

attractive in Galway. It crinkled

and

it

made him look suddenly

up

his face

and

attractive again.

Despite the spots. 'I'm not

good on

She nodded

girl stuff,'

he

said. 'It's easier

in heartfelt agreement.

488

And

by

text.'

then they

How

Will I

Know?

words bubbling between them

started to talk again, the

so that they interrupted each other as they

gaps that the texts had

When

they

finally

left

filled

in the

out.

paused for

a

moment Georgia

Emma

around the garden. Robyn, Sive and

glanced

were standing

beside the jasmine bush looking in her direction.

Den /il

and Sam were helping Mike O'Malley with the barbecue. 'I

Pd

think

my

better get back to

friends/ she told

Steve.

'I'm not a friend?'

She made

sure they

want to

'Maybe. But well in

He

Tou know

a face at him.

among

leave the girls stranded

I

talk to

you

need to do

Galway and

I've

you

are.

But

I

can't

the parents! Besides, I'm

too.' this first.

I

didn't

been thinking about

it

do

it

very

ever since.'

put his arm around her shoulder and drew her closer

to him. She could smell his aftershave (or perhaps not aftershave, she thought, as he

and she

Perhaps just scent. smell.

and It

and

moved

realised that his stubble

An

It

was

nice,

outdoors kind of

felt his lips

on

his face closer to her

was

though.

smell.).

downy-soft.

musky, woody

She closed her eves

hers.

was so different to Galway. There furtive,

still

A

it

had been rushed

behind the sports pavilion on the day that they

were going home. Their teeth had clattered against each other and Steve had been so embarrassed that he'd pulled

away from her and made thought about giving to

how

Steve

would

it

about

a joke

it.

And,

as she'd

another go but was uncertain

react,

Mr 6

the building, taken one look at

489

as

Cinneide had rounded

them and ordered them

Sheila O'Flanajjan

back to the main

hall

where hordes of students were milling

around waiting for the coaches to take them to the This time they got

it

Georgia

right.

pleasure of his kiss, aware of a whole

through

tions coursing

Me, Georgia Hudson,

thought.

hand and the can see

it

and held him in

scars.

and

A

I like it.

tightly.

bloke

She

new range of sensa-

I'm doing

her.

the

girl

kissing

is

me and my

She remembered, suddenly,

it

was

like

their

a phrase

She

6 Se hungrily.

her body was detached from her mind.

was doing things of its own accord. Her

on

mates

read. Kissing hungrily.

thought that she was probably kissing Steve

But

properly, she

it

with the dodgy

her arms around his body

slid

one of the magazines she'd

station.

lost herself in the

lips

It

were working

own!

'Hello, Georgia.'

The sound of her to

reality.

grandfather's voice brought her back

She pulled away from Steve and looked up

Con. She didn't

like

the dark expression

on

his face

at

one

little bit.

There was

still

no

sign of Nate and Sarah Taylor. Claire

was annoyed with herself for constantly looking around to see if they'd arrived. Everyone else seemed to be here the entire

Locum

Libris crew; the

people (including Paul

who was

Smash

&

Grab club

back from his Galway

trip

and who'd spent most of his time so far in the company of Petra - they were now sitting on the garden bench and he was feeding her chicken wings); the neighbours (with

whom she'd only exchanged a few words, nice

and

friendly

and made her

feel guilty

490

but

who seemed

about her neglect

How

Know?

Will I

of them). Eavan, she realised suddenly. Eavan and Glenn weren't here either. But

as the

thought came into her mind

she saw Eavan walk around the side of the house and look uncertainly in her direction.

'Hi there!' Claire

made her way over

you weren't going to make 'I

to her.

T thought

it.'

thought the same.'

'Are you

all

Claire looked at her in concern.

right?'

'Where's Glenn.' 'Walking,' said Eavan. 'Can

I

'Of course.' Claire grabbed

get a drink?

a bottle

of white wine from

the cooler and poured a glass for her friend.

To

complete astonishment Eavan knocked

in a

of gulps. She 'I

never

back

Claire's

couple

refilled the glass wordlessly.

knew why people drank

Eavan. 'I've always enjoyed

Not

day. Socially.

it

my

as a crutch.

like that before,' said

alcohol at the end of the

But

I

can see how

it

can be

like that.'

'What's the matter?' asked Claire.

Eavan told her that she'd confessed to Glenn about the abortion and that he didn't seem to be handling

it

very

well. 'I

Not now. He can't bear the me but because I'm the one earning money he let me know how much he despises me.' She swal-

shouldn't have told him.

sight of

can't

lowed hard. shakily.

'I

'I

think

don't

it's

know

going wrong between

if it

can be

us,'

she said

fixed.'

'Oh, Eavan.' Claire put her arm around her friend. 'Don't think a

good

like that.

You two

marriage.'

491

love each other.

You have

Sheila

O'Flanagan

Eavan shook her head. 'We loved each other when everything was going right.'

'Now

'Do you 'I

Eavan blinked

said so today.'

know if I

'It's

a

I

love

Bill?'

a

wondered about

bad patch,'

'You and

.

.

love him?' asked Claire.

still

then afterwards don't

The words jerked out of her mouth. .' wrong

that things are going

him enough

couple of times. 'And it.

love

I

him but

I

to live like this any more.'

said Claire. 'Everyone has a

bad patch.'

asked Eavan wryly.

'Of course.' 'When?' Claire considered. There'd been the time shortly after

Georgia was born, when

Bill

was working ridiculous hours

and seemed to be going out every night on house and neither of them was getting any sleep through a period of snapping

at

.

.

.

each other and generally

being short-tempered and there had been a few days Claire

calls,

they'd gone

when

had wondered whether they would manage to

last

the course. It had been the only time she'd doubted their love for each other.

him

apologised to

But they'd come through

for yelling at

him

that he

selfish

man on

damn

people and not those closest to him.

the planet, that

ogised for the fact that he'd

all

let it

it.

She'd

was the most

he cared about was other

become

And

he'd apol-

way because him no matter

that

he'd automatically assumed that she'd love what. 'I

do

love

as they lay in

you no matter what,' she'd

said that night

bed together.

'You shouldn't have

to,'

he

replied.

up with another doctor to share house 492

And

he'd teamed

calls in

the future.

How

Will I

Know?

Eavan's voice broke into her thoughts.

'Claire?'

'We apologised to each other/ there was something wrong.

One

said Claire.

'Any time

or the other of us would

say sorry.'

'Even 'I

you weren't?'

if

guess that part didn't matter.

It

was making the

effort

that counted.' 'I

feel like

Eavan still

I'm the one making most of the

as she drained the

not sure that

Claire

it's

watched her

effort,' said

second glass of wine. 'And

worth

Im

it.'

friend, her eyes

clouded with worry.

'Oh, look,' Eavan said suddenly, with studied bright-

hunky gardener

ness. 'Your

'What the

is

here.'

do you think you're doing!' Con Shanahan

hell

looked angrily

at

Georgia and Steve

as

Georgia

hastily

pulled her tiny skirt lower and rearranged her top. She'd

never

felt

more embarrassed

in

her

Being caught

life.

in a

clinch by her grandfather was mortifying, and she had a

horrible feeling that he'd think

had

really

more was going on than

happened. She cleared her throat and

bit

her

up.

'This

is

-

Steve,' she said. 'Steve

'Pleased to

meet you,'

this

Georgia giggled. She couldn't help serious

and grown-up and not

at

all

is

my

grandad.'

he got to

said Steve as

it.

his feet.

Steve sounded so

intimidated by the

angry figure towering over him. 'I

don't see what you have to laugh

'Behaving

like a

common

This time Georgia

felt

at,'

snapped Con.

tart!'

the tears prickle at the back of

493

Sheila O'Flanajjan

her eyes. She

herself grow hot, then cold, as her grand-

felt

father radiated fury.

'She most certainly was not,' said Steve indignandy. 'We

were

kissing, that's

all.'

'Your hands were her

home

over

all

my

granddaughter!

And

in

too!'

'Gramps, please.' Georgia looked

him

at

pleadingly.

'Don't create a scene.'

Con

'Me!'

snorted. 'I'm creating nothing.

you were creating more than your mother

a scene!

have to say about

will

I

you. And know what

It's

don't

this.'

'Oh, Gramps!'

'Look 'I

Mr

.

.

Shanahan,

.

know Georgia

her.'

He

is it?'

Steve's voice

We're good

friends.

I

was

steady.

care about

reached out and took her by the hand, closing over the scarred part where her litde finger used

his grip

to be.

well.

wouldn't do anything wrong with

'I

her.'

'You don't think rolling about under the escallonia

is

wrong?' demanded Con.

'Maybe with

all

these people around,' admitted Steve.

The two of them defiant,

Con

stared at each other, Steve

older and angry. Georgia

heart in the base of her throat. She

felt

young and

the beat of her

wondered

if

she'd be

sick. 'I

should talk to your mother, young

had gone out of Con's 'I

The

fury

hadn't seen him in ages,' said Georgia. 'We met in

Galway. 'I

lady.'

voice.

We

were catching

up.'

hope you didn't get up to that

Galway!'

494

sort of thing in

How 'Of course

know what

not.'

and Gran and

.

Georgia

.

and

.

bit

her

lip.

'Gramps, you must

be young and

like to

it's

Know?

Will I

now you and

stuff.

Lacey

.

mean, you

I

.

.'

Her

voice

trailed off.

'We're adults,' said Con. 'Yes,

but

I

bet you

This time Georgia's voice was

kiss!'

defiant.

Con

Suddenly

laughed. 'Yes,

we

do.'

'Well then,' said Georgia.

'You're fourteen years old,' said Con.

'I

really

don't

think—'

'We were only

kissing,'

'OK, OK.' Con shook

come back

repeated Steve. his head. 'You've kissed.

to the barbecue with me. Georgia,

I

introduce you to Lacey. She's dying to meet you. 'Sure, Gramps.'

recipient of a kiss

And

this

time

from Georgia,

it

Now

want to 1

was Con who was the

a light

peck on the cheek

before she hurried back up the lawn with him, Steve following behind.

'Hi, Claire.'

Nate was standing on the

patio, a plate laden

with food in his hand. 'Fantastic party.

And

the garden

looks wonderful.' 'Really great,' agreed Sarah beside him. 'Hello again.'

She smiled plate.

at Claire as she

'He did

a

good

'Yes,' said Claire.

pinched

a sausage

from Nate's

job, didn't he?'

'Of course the layout was done by

my

husband.' 'Nate told me,' said Sarah. 'He had a good eye for a garden.'

495

}

Flanafjan

Sheila

'It

was

'Am

his hobby.'

right in believing that he died?' Sarah's blue eyes

I

were sympathetic. 'Yes,' said Claire shortly.

on

'An accident.

When we

were

holiday.'

Nate and Sarah exchanged glances. 'I'm sorry,' said Sarah. 'Life

goes on.' Claire was aware that her voice was unnat-

urally bright.

And

that she'd never spoken in such a

Not

pant way about the accident before.

She

flippant. still

felt as

though she was going to

fancied him. She really did.

wife beside him.

And

this

flip-

that she felt

Even with

faint.

She

his beautiful

was so wrong. She shouldn't

have asked them. 'Hey, Claire - you haven't tried any of

Mike O'Malley 'It'll all

called at her

my

food

yet!'

from behind the barbecue.

be gone soon.'

She'd never

felt less like

eating in her

life

but she turned

gratefully towards him.

'He's right,' she told the Taylors. 'Excuse

me

while

I

grab a burger.'

Alan Bellew looked

at his

watch and then,

apologetically,

at Eileen. 'I

have to go,' he told her.

'I

know,' she

can't get out

'My twin together.

I

said.

'The anniversary dinner. The one you

of

sister

and her husband,'

can't get

'Why didn't you

my

said Alan. 'Forty years

head around

that, to

be honest.'

ever get married?' asked Eileen.

496

'I

could

How

Willi Know?

understand you getting married and or perhaps

if you lost

your wife

.

.

.

it

not working out,

but you're

a nice bloke,

Alan, and I'm surprised you escaped unhitched!'

He laughed. A hearty, generous laugh. She'd never heard him laugh

like that before.

'My heart was broken,' he told her. 'When I was twentyone. The girl I loved, the girl I expected to marry, dumped me for someone else.' 'And you were scarred

for

life?'

him

Eileen looked at

sceptically. 'I

decided there were other things

he told

in life,'

her.

'You're right about that.'

'But maybe they're not always as important as

He

we think/

smiled at her. 'Thank you for inviting me.

your daughter

is

want to disturb

caught up

her, but

in

I

conversation and

me 'And my

thank her for

'You're welcome,' said Eileen.

see that I

don't

too.'

thanks for the

house stuff again.'

'Maybe

you'll invite

'Maybe,' she

T want Eileen

to the apartment sometime?

1

said.

to see

felt

me

you

again,'

he

said.

herself blush. 'I'd like that very

1

much, she

told him.

He

kissed her

Tm utterly

on the cheek and walked away.

scarlet!' hissed

met Lacey and

Georgia to Robyn

told her that she

after she

had

hoped she and Con would

be very happy together. 'My grandfather went berserk!'

'What were you doing when he caught you?' 'Just kissing,' said

Georgia nonchalantly.

497

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Was

it

wonderful?'

Georgia considered Robyn's question over again in her mind.

kiss

as she relived the

*

'I wonder what it's like kissing different blokes,' she mused as Robyn looked enquiringly at her. 'It was great.'

She paused

I

was

that I've kissed

good

kisser too,

but maybe

it'd

.

.

And

a mate.

that he's here it's

.

I

O 'Sullivan.

different.

guess he's a

though the only other bloke

was that tosspot Jamesie

madly deeply

in love with him.

now

him properly

He's a mate. He'll always be

'I

her friend.

of him but

in love with the idea

now

and

as she tried to explain to

was wonderful but not because I'm

'It

I've kissed

was nice with Steve

It

be even more spectacular

if

you were

truly

in love.'

don't understand you,' said Robyn. 'Everyone knows

you've been besotted with him since

we came back from

Galway.'

'No

they* don't.'

'Oh, come on!' Robyn laughed. 'You're always talking

about him. If you're not texting him.'

'Am

I?'

'Yes.' 'I like

him

But he's not Claire took

him

again.

beers out of her fridge and put

them

a lot,' said Georgia.

my

more

into the big blue coolers

on

a

life

of

its

'I

want to

kiss

soulmate.'

on the

own now,

patio.

The

party had taken

with people wandering through

the garden and mingling with each other. Rosie and Celia

were talking to a couple of the

498

girls

from the Smash

&

How

Know?

Will I

Grab club while Petra and Paul were

together,

still

now

sharing a bottle of wine.

Georgia and her friends, including the boy Claire didn't recognise but

who was obviously interested

in her

daughter

(every so often he'd catch Georgia by the hand), had

formed

a circle

on the

and were eating burgers.

grass

Phydough had joined them, mournfully

at the

Con was

his

brown

talking to her next-door neighbour. Eileen

and her friends had taken over the patio was

still

eyes looking

disappearing food.

talking to Frank

Joanna

table.

Maddox. Lacey was standing

barefoot in the grass chatting to Trinny Armstrong.

Lacey and Trinny were

realised

alike,

Both of

Claire.

them were strong, confident women, both good at business. But both bad at men. The thought came to her suddenly. Trinny didn't know how good she had it with Josh, always looking for

never

satisfied.

And Lacey

someone or something

else,

- well, Lacey had found

(on

but only after disastrous relationships with the fathers of her children.

Maybe

it

wasn't possible to be good

everything, thought Claire.

Though

that

was

at

a

dispir-

Eavan Keating and Nate Taylor were standing

side by

iting notion.

side. Claire

Nate

said

wondered

uneasily

what they were

something to Eavan,

who

smiled

discussing.

faintly.

Then

he turned away from her and walked across the garden.

There was

still

no

sign of Glenn,

who

should have arrived

by now. Claire knew that Eavan was worrying about him because she could see the frown on her friend's normally smooth forehead and the way she kept looking towards

499

Sheila

the gate. She

hoped

O'Flanagan

against

hope that things would work

out for her friend. Eavan had been through a

She

tried to

lot already.

be tough, Claire' knew, but she wasn't

She'd been devastated

all

those years ago

when

really.

she'd

made

the choice to have an abortion. But afterwards she'd insisted that there

was no point

wondering what

in

if.

It

hadn't been possible to carry the baby at that time. She'd

made

maybe pushing

the right decision for her. But

the back of her

Maybe

mind hadn't been

she should've told Glenn about

earlier

it

he wouldn't have put her on the pedestal she he'd elevated her

it

to

the right thing to do.

and then

now

claimed

to.

Why are men so stupid? Claire asked herself as she closed on the coolers. Why don't they understand things

the lids better? 'It's

going

well.' Nate's voice startled

her out of her

thoughts. 'Thanks." that?

How had he

She'd thought that

managed

when he

to sneak

left

up on her

like

Eavan he was going

to get something to eat. 'This garden likes people,' he told her.

'It likes life in

it.'

T thought of a Zen how badly it needed to

to. I

sand and a few rocks would do the

He

smiled. 'Too

'When

garden,' she said.

be seen

much

I

realised

thought perhaps white trick.'

sand and too

many

rocks.'

'Perhaps.'

'And no place to bring people.' 'I

didn't really

want to bring people

'Even today.'

500

here,' she said.

How 'Why

Know?

Will I

not?'

She didn't want questions.

The

this

conversation with him.

feeling that

him. She didn't want

it.

would be

it

And

she couldn't have

'I'm sorry,' she said abruptly.

from the

'I

casual

it.

have to get more drink

fridge.'

She smiled

briefly

and walked away from him. But she

didn't bother going to the fridge. She into her

The

easy to be with

went

and

upstairs

bedroom.

She opened the drawer

in the locker at

what had been

Bill's side

of the bed. She took out the video. She hadn't

looked

it

at

in three years.

She'd only looked

at

it

once

before.

The compact TV and video was on in the corner

and pressed

The

of the room. She

slid

a tall chest

of drawers

the tape into the slot

Play.

blue Jamaican skies

filled

the screen.

from Georgia and the camera panned to the balcony of their hotel room. Claire realised.

A much

A childish, carefree

Then

a shriek

her, standing

on

younger Georgia,

Georgia

who waved

her

undamaged hands in front of her and made faces at the camera. Her red-gold hair reached almost to her waist. Claire had forgotten how long it had once been. Then Bill focused the camera at Claire herself, zooming in on her him

under her

eyes.

She begged

to stop, to wait until she had a bit of sun

on her body

pale face with the dark circles

more shots. The next frames were of the beach. Herself and Georgia lying on sun beds. Sitting on chairs at the water's edge before he took any

sipping extravagant cocktails.

501

Both the same, Claire

Sheila

OWanajjan

remembered. Non-alcoholic because of her unborn baby. She pressed her fingers against her stomach and until

it

bit

her

lip

was bruised.

Then came

the part she

remembered the

clearest, the

part she'd replayed over and over again the only other time

she'd watched the video. She'd decided to put the tape

away, believing that reliving the past wasn't helpful, but

now

she needed to see

it

had taken the

again. Georgia

camera that night. She'd captured Claire and

Bill

dance floor of the hotel. Holding each other Smiling at each other.

Bill

looking

down

on the tightly.

at her, joking,

though she couldn't hear what he was saying over the recorded buzz of conversation and music.

She'd been wearing the scorched ochre

and she'd laughed with

Bill that

silk

that night

he'd better not spin her

around too much because she might burst out of it. She'd

blamed the tightness of the dress on her pregnancy, not

on the

fact that she'd spent the best part

of the week eating

everything in sight. 'I

.

.

.

will always love you.'

words, knew music.

And

it

She saw him mouth the

was because he was singing along with the

then she kissed him. She heard Georgia's voice

muttering, 'Cringe, cringe,' and her daughter turned away

from them and began shooting footage of the statuesque Jamaican singer instead.

She stopped the video. There was no more film of herself

and

Bill

together. That

was the only

bit.

Everything

else

was of her or of Georgia. She

sat in front

rewound the

of the blank screen for

a

moment. She

tape until the dance sequence began again.

502

How 'I

the

.

.

.

will

Willi Know?

always love you.' She hit Pause and stared at

moment, frozen

in time,

laughter in the garden as

it

window.

503

not hearing the sound of floated

through her open

Chapter 35

Prunella (Self-Heal)

-Mauve, pink

or white flowers. Water

in dry weather.

When found

she eventually

came downstairs again she

Lacey Dillon in the kitchen,

sitting in the

old-fashioned rocking chair. Claire looked at her in surprise.

'I'm sopry,' said Lacey. 'But

were

killing

shoes on the floor beside her. Claire lifted

of

had to

sit

'My

feet

which she handed to Lacey.

in trainers, so every time

seem to get

My

ankles are in shreds!'

always keep lots in stock,' she said.

around

down.

down the first-aid box and took out a couple

blister plasters 'I

I

me.' She looked ruefully at the high-heeled

I

'I

usually slope

wear proper shoes

I

blisters.'

'Thank you.' Lacey peeled away the paper and stuck the plasters to her ankles.

sensible as

'Oh,

I

we

'You'd imagine we'd get more

get older.'

don't

Paul and Petra,

know'

Claire gazed out of the

who were now 504

window

sitting so close

at

together

How on the wooden And,

as

seat that Petra

like

after

practically

on

you won't need me to be your

his lap.

fallback

she thought in amusement. She

all,

sudden tug of envy finally

was

she watched, they kissed.

Looks

woman

Willi Know?

for Paul

and

moved on and wondered,

would have happened

if

felt

for the fact that he

for a split second,

a

had

what

she'd returned the kiss he'd given

her in the pub with the passion that Petra was

now

using!

She shook her head, surprised that she'd even had the thought. 'I'd better find

out of the

your

father,' said

Lacey

as she

got up

chair.

'I'm happy for you.' Claire blurted out the words and Lacey's eyes widened. 'Really,'

at

added

lunch but

whole thing.

I

Claire.

suppose

If

'I

know

I

was

you can

and who you love

I

wasn't exactly friendly

still

surprised about the

someone who loves von good thing. So I'm happy for

find

that's a

you.'

'And not

mother"

resentful because of your

Claire smiled slowly.

'I

rather think

my mother

is

moving

on.'

'With the Claire 'It's

man

in the suit?'

nodded.

quite surprised Con,' said Lacey wryly. 'He's been

muttering about him

whether

his intentions

all

evening.

He

all

but asked him

were honorable.'

'You're joking!' Claire laughed.

Lacey laughed too.

'I

guess

he'll

always look out for

your mother,' she told Claire. 'But he does love me.

505

I

O'Flanagan

Sheila

know

And

that.

And

love him.

I

Claire,

I

adore your

daughter,' she added. 'She's so sweet and incredibly pretty.'

'She looks great today,' agreed Claire. 'And I'm fied

because

I

guy

look. Plus, there's a

bing her by the hand 'Steve,'

terri-

how stunning she can know who keeps grab-

never realised before

Lacey told

don't

I

.' .

.

She

her.

filled Claire in

on the

details

of Con's encounter with the two of them. 'Oh, 'I

hell!' Claire's

voice was

full

of concern.

Con

later

wonderful and that she liked him

a lot

wouldn't worry,' advised Lacey. 'She told

that he

was

totally

but that he wasn't her soulmate.' Claire bit her lip at the term. Georgia shouldn't be

looking for soulmates.

Not

daughter was looking for be

doomed

at

fourteen years old. If her

Mr Right so

to disappointment. There

Claire could give her,

that she'd

know when

and when

it

early in her

life

she'd

must be some advice

something clever and profound so the time was right for having fun

was time for

falling in love.

At that moment Georgia,

a half-open

rosebud from the

red bush tucked into her hair, bounded into the kitchen

and demanded that they to

do

it

light the

garden torches, offering

herself if Claire liked.

'Be careful,' warned Claire, and Georgia rewarded her

with a pitying look.

Lacey grinned.

'Just like Solange,' she said.

She began

to talk about her daughter, but Claire was only half listening. She knew that the stories weren't important. What was important was that Lacey was clearly devoted to

506

How her.

Willi Know?

She spoke of Solange with the same proud tone

when

Claire used

as

she talked about Georgia.

They were interrupted by Eavan, who looked

anxiously

round the door. 'Oh,

mean

sorry,' she said as she

saw both of them.

didn't

'I

to interrupt.'

'You're not.' Claire took a bottle of wine from the fridge

'Do you want

a glass?'

Eavan shook her head. 'I'm

my

already had course.

limit.

Glenn does

'I'm sure

.

.

.'

I

driving,'

she said.

Tve

wasn't expecting to be driving, of

that.

But Glenn

Claire faltered.

still

hasn't arrived/

There was no way she

could be sure of anything. If Eavan had dropped Glenn off as she'd said earlier, he should be here by

now

In tact

he'd almost have had time to walk the entire way from

Howth by this stage! T don't know what misery. 'Oh,

I

to do.' Eavan's voice was

full

of

fucking hate those bastards at Trontec!'

'Trontec? Trontec the telecoms company?' Lacey looked at her curiously. 'Yes.'

Eavan

but he was 'I

sniffed.

used to have their account but

'Lots of the people it

a very difficult 'Really?'

face. 'It

of

'My husband used

to

work there

let go.'

I

placed with

I

stopped,' said Lacey.

them

left.

They found

working environment.'

A look

of hope passed fleetingly across Eavan's

wasn't a good place to work? He's better off out

it?'

Lacey

nodded.

management,' she

'Impossible said.

507

targets,

incompetent

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Maybe Lacey has something on her books

that

might

be suitable for Glenn?' Claire looked tentatively between

Eavan and Lacey. 'I'm sure Glenn has sent his

Eavan

dismally. 'He's sent

'I'll

him

to

you

already,' said

check,' said Lacey. 'If he hasn't, then please

to send

it in.

We

do

we wouldn't be one of think

CV in

almost everywhere.'

it

a lot

of work

do

in the sector

ask

but

the main companies that people

of.'

'Glenn Keating.' Eavan spelled out

his

name and gave

Lacey their address too. 'I'll

check,' repeated Lacey.

'Now,

I'd better get back

to Con.' She eased her feet into her shoes

'The plasters help,' she that

I

'But one day

said.

and winced.

I'll

remember

have to walk in shoes.'

She went back out to the garden while Claire

tried to

persuade Eavan that having Lacey on -side was a good thing,

and that

it

would only be

a matter

of time before

something came up.

'Maybe you're

you mind

if I

right.'

go home?

Eavan sighed deeply. 'Look, do I

can't be late because

has to go. If Glenn shows

won't. But Claire

if

he does,

nodded and

tell

let

up

him

.

.

I'll

.'

Candida

She swallowed. 'He

see

him back

there.'

her friend out of the house. She

wished there was something she could do for Eavan but she really didn't

telling hell

know how

to help. It was hopeless to keep

her that everything would work out

did anyone

know whether

it

not? But the idea that Glenn and Eavan,

happy together, could somehow lose 508

fine.

How

would work out

it all

the

fine or

who had been

so

was simply terrible.

How

Will I

Know?

She walked around to the back garden. The flames of the torches

lit

up the evening gloom and the

which Georgia had strung through the a

rainbow of colours. The garden

fairy lights

tree sparkled with

around the rockery

lights

glowed green and white. An aroma of charcoal and smoky

meat hung smell.

in the air,

Phydough

lay

but

was

it

on the

a

good, outdoors kind of

patio, his

tail

satisfied

because Georgia's friends had

him and

fed

him

a plate

beneath the apple

seemed to be

in

tree.

good

thumping

of sausages. They were now

As

far as Claire

spirits.

gently,

taken pity on

finally

sitting

could see, they

Georgia was

at

all

the centre of

the group, talking animatedly and drinking bottled water.

Tt looks even better

who

at night,'

remarked Sarah Taylor,

stood beside her.

'Yes,'

agreed Claire uncomfortably. She didn't want to

There was no way the other woman could know that she had fantasised about her husband, but Claire somehow felt as though Sarah would be able

talk to Sarah.

possibly

to find this out

if

she was near her for long enough.

'Nate enjoyed doing

it,'

said Sarah.

'I

haven't seen him

so enthusiastic about a job in ages.'

'He worked

hard.'

'He used to whisde on the way out Sarah smiled at Claire in the half-light.

him whisde

in the 'I

mornings/

haven't heard

since before Felicity.'

Claire tensed.

'She broke his heart, you know,' said Sarah. 'He used to be such a great guy, so outgoing and enthusiastic about life.

Then he married her and - bang -

horribly wrong.'

509

it

all

went so

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'You knew him before his

first

marriage?'

known him since I was a kid. We're cousins. Not direct, actually. Once removed, I think the term is. But our families were quite close. And so I always knew him. Hero-worshipped him from afar because, of course, he was older than me and so much 'Of course,'

said Sarah. 'I've

cooler. They used to laugh at me, the way I would follow him around. I used to call him my soulmate.' Claire wondered if her body could get any more tense as she

imagined a small, equally pretty version of Sarah

following a younger Nate around the place. 'I

told everyone that

was going to marry him one

I

day,' said Sarah. 'For ages I believed

to the States and

met

'He mentioned her to 'I

it.

And

then he went

Felicity.'

suppose he didn't

me

once,' said Claire casually.

you what

tell

a bitch she

said

is,'

Sarah, and Claire couldn't help hearing the bitterness in

her voice.

'

'Bitch?'

'She's it.

original

life's

Tall, thin,

power-woman and gorgeous with

blonde - naturally blonde, of course -

stylish ... all the things that

Nate

isn't really.

chic,

He's chilled

and relaxed even though he's so passionate about

his

gardens, but she was always out and about networking,

you know the that he'd

He

fall

sort! I'd

for

never have imagined for a second

someone

like her,

but she dazzled him.

did a makeover of the courtyard garden at the legal

company where she was was out having

of smoking! Anyway

it

He met her while she He doesn't even approve

a partner.

a cigarette break.

was

love, lust,

510

whatever you

like,

How

Willi Know?

at first sight.

They were married. Sometimes

why he had

to be so stupid as to marry her!

know.

was

It

a

complete disaster from the

want to become

numbers to turn

a hotshot

his designs

LA

but she wanted

were great and that he looked

When

So he gave

in

He

cool.

was

he told her she was nuts she

him unambitious and

for his family.

how

him

into a kind of celebrity gardener. She said that

marketable, she said. called

ask

He doesn't start. He didn't

garden designer and do chichi

for her friends in Seattle or

him

I still

lacking in the will to provide

and made

a stupid

DVD

about

to garden which actually sold in shedloads. As

anyone

in

LA

refused

do

it

'He

still

nice,'

last

the time

agreed Claire.

loved her,' said Sarah. 'He told

a stupid softy.

all

1

was trying to do her best

every

it

if

But he

garden!

again and they fought about

and so she divorced him. 'Not very

own

actually does their

So he

for

them

me

her take him for every

let

that

And

as a family.

last

she-

he's

cent -

cent that he'd worked really hard for because he

hated doing the

DVD

and that was the only thing he'd

made decent money out anyway with her being

of!

a

And

not that she needed

it

blood-sucking lawyer! But of

course there was Hoshi, their daughter, to consider too. Felicity

made

all

of her demands on Hoshi's behalf.

herself out to be a devastated

single-handedly.

Gave

all

single

mom

raising her

mothers

a

Made

daughter

bad name

if you

ask me!'

'He has

a daughter!' Claire

was stunned.

Sarah nodded. 'She's sixteen now. kid,

though he hardly gets to

An

amazingly nice

see her these days

511

what with

them being

Sheila

O'Flanagan

in the States.

He wanted

of course, because

cally raised her,

at

some

lawyerly convention or other.

laughter from

no hope.

and sundry

all

How could

of a husband and it

at the idea,

made out

he? She

when

Cue

hysterical

though.

He

had

was a brute

even though everyone knew

a shit father

He

practi-

was always off

that he

wasn't true! Eventually he couldn't take

he came home.

He

custody.

Felicity

any more and

it

keeps in touch with Hoshi, although

she was smaller she wouldn't speak to him. But things

have changed in the

last

He's been going through

few years and they do speak now. a

hard time

a

notion of creating inner

city

children - and as

lately,

though, because

gardener too - she has some

Hoshi wants to become

gardens for underprivileged

you can imagine

complete waste of her talents

.

.

.

Felicity thinks that's a

Apparendy

phenomenal IQ and so of course

Felicity

she's got

some

wants Hoshi to

study law. She keeps calling Nate in the middle of the night to get him* to "talk to her" which, naturally, he won't. thinks that

He

Hoshi should do what she wants. He's hoping

coming

that they're finally takes a year off final decision.

to an agreement

where Hoshi

and does what she wants before making

So maybe

'Sounds grim

all

it'll all

a

sort itself out.'

the same.'

'Well, stressful, I guess,' agreed Sarah. 'Because

he wants

what's right for Hoshi although he's a bit concerned that she only wants to off.

And

it's

hard

do the gardening thing to piss Felicity she's so far away from him. Poor

when

Nate! He's too intense for his

deep down he's a pushover. Felicity,

own good really even though

He was a mess after he divorced

you know.' 512

How

Know?

Will I

suppose everyone's a mess when things go wrong,'

'I

said Claire.

'So he

came to me.' Sarah

stared out over the garden,

towards where Nate and Mike O'Malley were chatting animatedly. Claire said nothing.

'And

I

married him. Like

I

said

I

would.'

Nate and Mike were laughing. Mike put

arm on

his

Nate's shoulder and the two of them walked to one of the coolers and took out a couple of tins of beer. Claire watched as

Nate pulled the ring tab and

He

arching back his neck.

raised the tin to his

mouth,

looked even better than usual

tonight in his blue denim shirt and a pair of sand-coloured

He seemed

chinos.

relaxed and casual.

tionship but had

ended up with

'Of course that was Sarah's realised

And why wouldn't

He'd gone through

he? she asked herself.

his

messy

a

rela-

childhood sweetheart.

a big mistake.'

words took

what the other

moment to sink in. When she woman had said, Claire turned to

a

her and frowned. 'Mistake?'

'Oh, come on!' Sarah sounded impatient. hero.

You should never marry your

alive, that's

what

heroes.

c

He was my

Keep the dream

I say.'

'So ... so things aren't working out?' Claire didn't

know why

she

felt a

tremor of terror

in the base

of her

stomach.

'They never

did,' said Sarah in resignation. 'Funny,

know. Before we got married Nate and

and

it

wasn't a problem. But as soon as

513

I

you

slept together

we had

rings

on

O'Flanagan

Sheila

our ringers brother.

to

him

I

.

.

too. It

'But

.

.

well,

.

.

was

it

know why

don't

sleeping with

like

But

that happened.

it

my own did.

And

was awful.''

but you get on well together?' Claire was

surprised at the depth of Sarah's confidences.

'Oh, smiled

mates

sure,' she replied. 'We're

'Not soulmates

faintiy.

good

after

friends. Really.'

She

of course. But good

all,

still.'

'So what are

you going to do? Will things change

between you?'

hope

'I

good to work with and do with the business.' She suppose the business was Nate's

not,' said Sarah. 'He's

the divorce had nothing to

grinned. 'Actually,

I

divorce present to me!

own

florist's

thing

is

-

that's

wanted to

I

what

in the Taylor family blood,

me on

agreed to join

try

my hand

at

my

trained in; the whole gardening

I

I

guess - and Nate

the gardening side.

It

works quite

well.'

'You're divorced!' Claire's voice was almost a squeak. 'Well of course

we

are!'

Sarah looked at her in aston-

we were still married, did You were jogging together.

ishment. 'You didn't think 'I

- you wear

you hugging

in the

Sarah glanced stop wearing

anism.

a ring.

it,'

And I'm

shop one day!

down

at

her

left

she agreed. 'But

not in the

mood

assumed

I

hand. it's

'I

you?' I

saw

.' .

.

suppose

I

a great defence

should

mech-

for blokes to start hitting

on me just yet. Daft as it sounds, I'm much happier working And I want to work right

with Nate than living with him.

now.

One day

Claire

the right bloke might

nodded

wordlessly.

514

come

along.'

How 'He didn't

Know?

you?' Sarah looked surprised.

tell

shook her head.

Claire 'I

Will I

don't

frowned.

'I

know why he

didn't

thought ...

really

he whisded, you

I

tell

you,' said Sarah. She

thought that

.

.

.

well

.

.

.

see.'

'Huh?' I said. I haven't heard him whistle for years. Not when he was with me, although it didn't really bother me at the time. But when he started again 'I don't see why him whisding before he came to work here should mean anything,' said Claire. 'Whisding is his thing,' said Sarah. 'When he's happy.'

'Like

even

.'

.

.

'I

-

I

- but

'Of course

nothing to do with me,

it's

it is,'

said Sarah.

1

said Claire.

'He came here

even though the whole Hoshi thing

is

to

you and

bugging him

like

crazy and even though he gets really tense about Felicity,

he

still

whisded.

He

was happy, and

it's

ages since he's

been happy.' 'Sarah, you're being daft.'

'Don't you think you could give him a chance? 1 'A chance

at

what?'

'He was gutted when he heard you'd gone out with Oliver Ramsey,' said Sarah. 'He talked to said Oliver

was

you out under

wrong

all

false

for you.

pretences only

And it

me

about

that he

it.

He

was asking

probably didn't matter

because you could charm him anyway.'

'Huh?' 'That's

you

what he

a bit himself,

just smiled.

said.

And

I

asked him

and instead of snapping

Knowingly.'

515

if

he didn't

my

like

head off he

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'Sarah, you're getting this

no

interest in

could

all

wrong. I'm sure he has

This

is all

nonsense.' Claire

her heart racing at a hundred miles an hour

feel

in her chest.

have to

me whatsoever.

Nate and Sarah weren't married. She didn't

feel guilty

about her

In fact,

fantasies.

if

she

wanted, she could go out with him. Sarah was practi-

throwing her

cally

at

him.

He

was

Go

out with him? If

a perfectly available

man.

A

chill

crept around her.

Sarah was saying was true,

would be

her,

it

Not

a date with

a real date.

if

Not

an old friend

all

that

he wanted to go out with a date because

like Paul.

Not

of Georgia.

a date because

who'd asked her out thought she could help his Not a date because the person concerned wanted

the bloke career.

to

add her to

a

list

of people he'd

didn't think so). If she

slept with (at least, she

went out with Nate,

it

would simply

be because both of them wanted to be in each other's

company.

The

fantasies

were guilty fun. But the

reality

- even

a

non-guilt-ridden reality - wasn't something she could face right now. Stunned, she realised that she'd been

OK about

going out with Paul and Oliver and Gary because she didn't really care. But with Nate

.

.

.

she had a horrible

And she didn't want to. Because go wrong. And she couldn't bear

feeling that she could care. at

some point

it

could

all

the thought of falling for It

hurt too 'I

someone and

losing

him

again.

damn much.

like Nate,'

she said eventually. 'And I'm really sorry

that he appears to have

had such

a difficult time.

couldn't possibly go out with him.'

516

But

I

How

Know?

Will I

She walked away from Sarah, back towards the now cooling barbecue.

And

who was coming

in the opposite direction.

almost collided with Glenn Keating,

'Where's Eavan?' he asked. Claire frowned.

The abrupt way he'd spoken to her was knew that she understood instantly

so unlike the Glenn she

why Eavan was

And Glenn

so worried.

himself appeared

disoriented. Shit, she muttered under her breath as she

Eavan was

tried to gather her whirling thoughts. all

going wrong

right. It's

for them.

'She went home,' she said. 'She thought you weren't

coming.' 'She doesn't fucking trust

were

bitter.

me

any more/ Glenn's words

'I'm useless to her now.

The man with no

job.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake, Glenn!' She couldn't help snap-

him even though she'd wanted

ping

at

'Get

real,

way of

would your People

'You're

all

really

'If

don't mean,' cried Claire. 'Eavan

I

was getting

it

and because she

late

for

like this, yes,

you

both of you.' She

stuff yesterday

you did was

all.'

deeply. 'I'm losing her.'

you carry on

'It's difficult

it

it.'

want to keep Candida over time. That's

Glenn sighed

you

mean

never say things

went home because didn't

doesn't think you are either.'

the same,' said Glenn in disgust. Tfou say

but you don't

T

you know you're not.

things. You're not useless,

And you know Eavan

to be sympathetic.

lose their jobs. That's the

and

it

was

really

are,'

bit

her

agreed Claire. lip.

'She told

hard for her, and

all

give her the cold shoulder.'

'You knew about

it,'

said

Glenn

517

coolly.

'You knew about

O Flana0an }

Sheila

it

but you never said anything.

God knows what

else she's

kept hidden from me.' c

And you know

'Nothing,' said Claire.

But now

well.

meV

'She despises

'No she

that perfecdy

she thinks you despise her.'

doesn't.'

'She should.' 'If

you despise yourself then maybe she won't be

to help still

it,'

told

was very upset

said Claire. 'She

me

earlier.

able

But she

she loved you.' She didn't add that Eavan

wasn't sure whether she loved him enough any more.

He stood silentiy in front of her. Claire was struck by how small he looked, even though he was a tall man. He seemed to have folded ders

and keeping

his

in

on

hands

himself,

hunching

his shoul-

in his pockets so that

it

was

impossible to see the breadth of his frame.

'Glenn

.

.

.'

She hesitated, unsure of

but then blurted

He

it

how

stared at her, his jaw working angrily.

everyone have to think same. That's

all

that?'

she cares about. That's

'That's not true,' retorted Claire.

'Yeah, right.'

'Why does

he demanded. 'Eavan

about. That they'll have to worry about

Not about your

to ask him,

out anyway. 'Are you drinking again?'

all

is

the

anyone cares

me drinking again.'

'We worry about you.

drinking.'

Glenn hunched

walked away from

his shoulders again

and

her.

'Where are you going?'

called Claire.

But he didn't answer. She phoned Eavan to

tell

her that he'd

518

shown up but had

How gone

again,

and her

Will I

Know?

friend, too, asked

about

his drinking.

Suddenly Claire understood what bothered Glenn so much about

it.

It

was

though

as

was the defining thing about

it

him, the only thing that people cared about. She tried to

convey

this to

that she

Eavan but

all

Eavan could do was repeat

hoped he wasn't drinking and

know how she'd cope

if he

was. After she'd

that she didn't

hung

up, Claire

stood in the hallway with her hand on the receiver, uncertain

about what she should do next.

She was

still

standing there, lost in thought,

Taylor walked into the 'I'm sorry

I'm interrupting you,' he

if

when Nate

hall.

said.

C

I

was

looking for the loo.'

'You

know where

direction, for

to help

is.'

Glenn and Eavan while knowing

anything to do with her,

when people you unhappily,

She waved him

in the general

and wondered what on earth she could

against the wall

do

it

once not even noticing him. She leaned

it

was

their

own

that

it

wasn't

problem. But

cared about had problems, she thought

you wanted to

help. It

was an

inbuilt desire.

She wasn't sure there was anything she could do for the Keatings, though, except hope that they could help each other. 'Still

here?'

Nate asked

as

he returned from the bath-

room. 'Everything OK?'

He

wasn't anything

broader, darker still

.

.

.

like Bill to

look

at.

He was

the most unusual thing she'd ever seen.

look as easy-going

taller,

and those green and blue eyes w ere

as Bill either,

thing strong and dependable about him.

519

He

didn't

although there was some-

Maybe

it

was that

Sheila

illusion

O'Flanagan

of strength and dependability that she found so

attractive.

The

who

he was someone

idea, perhaps, that

could look after her.

Only he hadn't managed to look very well, had he? Even

told her the truth that day

when he

two wives

after his

hadn't been his

if it

said

he'd

fault,

he wasn't very

good with women. So why would he be any good with her?

He

could love her and leave her and then she'd be

on her own

again.

So what was the damn point?

'You OK?' he asked again. His voice was softer than she

remembered from when he'd worked

in the garden.

'Sure,' she said.

'Only you look a

little

upset.'

She shook her head. 'Dealing with other people's problems,' she told him.

now.'

'It's fine

'People are dancing in the garden,' he told her.

'Someone put

a

CD

Norah Jones

in the deck. It's lovely

out there* in the torchlight beneath the

Want

stars.

to

dance?'

She shook her head. 'I'm hopeless.' 'Georgia says you're good.'

'Georgia does?' 'I

danced with

would be good think

it

her,' said

Nate. 'She told

was to make her boyfriend

need to be jealous of an old crock

He

me

that

it

Though personally I jealous. Not that he'd

for her street cred.

like

me, but

still

.' .

.

smiled.

That was

different to Bill too. Bill's smile

generous. Nate's was easy and relaxed.

was wide and

Which was

strange,

she mused, because he wasn't an easy or relaxed person

520

How really.

She recalled her

Know?

Will I

first

encounter with him again. Rude

and obnoxious. She should keep that

in

mind. He'd prob-

ably been rude and obnoxious to Felicity. She couldn't

have been such a complete bitch. horrible to Sarah too at 'I

some

And maybe

he'd been

point.

thought you and Sarah were

married.

still

'

The words

were out of her mouth before she could stop them. 'She doesn't understand

why you

didn't

me

tell

that you're

not.'

'The opportunity didn't

arise,'

he

'We didn't have

said.

those kind of conversations over the flowerbeds.

1

'You were childhood sweethearts.'

Nate shook

A

his head. 'She

used to follow

me

around.

kind of hero-worship thing that was irritating

time. But then after

I

split

with Felicity -

who

at

the

certainly

me - I needed a bit of attention from who thought the sun shone out of my

didn't hero-worship

the sort of person arse.'

'You have a daughter,' said Claire. 'Hoshi.' Nate took his wallet from the back pocket of his

chinos and extracted a photograph.

He

passed

it

to

Claire.

The

at the

camera. There was no mistaking her for anyone

girl in

the photo was sitting on a rock, staring

other than a child of Nate's.

and there was

a hint

Her

of defiance

face in

was strong,

like his,

her eyes, half-hidden

by a strand of long dark hair which blew

in front

of her

face.

'She's pretty.' 'Attractive rather than pretty,

'Which

is

preferable,

I

I

always think,' said Nate.

hope. She wants to study horticul-

521

Sheila O'Flanajjan

ture too.'

He

chuckled.

wanted her to be

a lawyer.

driving Felicity crazy. She

'It's

We

fight over

it. I

kind of hoped

our fighting days were over but you'd do anything for

your

kid. Well,

you know

that yourself. I've seen

you with

Georgia. You're great with her.'

'Your daughter's not a bit 'I

wouldn't expect her to

like

Georgia,' said Claire.

be,' said Nate. 'Felicity isn't

a bit like you.'

'You

some

know what

I

mean,' said Claire. 'Georgey

Nate frowned. 'Whoever but she's her it?

A

isn't

substitute daughter for you.'

own

said she was? She's a great kid

Then he smiled. 'So, how about guy who's managed to get divorced

person.'

dance with the

twice in a lifetime?'

She didn't want

to.

And

yet she did.

Her mind was

a

whirl of conflicting emotions.

'Come

on,' he

urged gendy.

'Just the one.'

'Maybe. Let's go outside anyway.'

He

reached for her hand but she raised

it

grasp and checked the back of her hair instead.

followed him outside and into the night.

522

out of

his

Then

she

Chapter 36

Indigofera (Indigo) - Graceful, tall purple flowers from

midsummer

autumn. Stems may

to

be killed by winter frost

but regrow.

They were

still

playing

Norah

the easy beat of 'Shoot the

and Steve, were moving slowly 'Well?' asked Nate. it.

as she

stepped on

where most of her guests, including Georgia

to the patio

she took

Jones. Claire recognised

Moon'

Her

He

in

rhythm to the music.

held out his hand to her ^nd

hammering even

heart was

he drew her closer to him. She held her body

him, not moulding

in

faster stiffly

now

as

beside

to his, keeping her face within

conversational distance.

'You did a great job 'You've told 'I

you 'I

was

me

afraid,'

finished.

garden,' she said

she said, 'that

That

I'd have lost

wouldn't have

more tighdy around Georgia, her

in the

stiltedly.

that a million times/

let

it

would be wrong w hen

it.'

that happen.' His fingers closed

hers.

own head

resting

523

on

Steve's shoulder,

Sheila O'Flanaffan

raised her eyes to look at her

though

as

mother and Nate. She looks

she's balancing a block

of

ice

on her head,

thought Georgia. She doesn't want to be doing him. She sighed and Steve held her

this

with

closer.

'You're suffocating me,' Georgia muttered and she

felt

Steve laugh. She lifted her head from his shoulder. 'What's

so funny?' 'This

is

'And you're

nice music for dancing,' he said.

worried about suffocating.' 'Guess I'm not a dancing kind of 'Guess you're not.'

'My mother

He

kissed her

will see,' she hissed.

girl.'

on the

'And

I

lips.

don't love you,

you know.'

'Who

says

you have

saw the

Claire

to?'

fleeting kiss and, impossible

seemed, her body stiffened

still

though

it

further.

'What's the matter?' asked Nate. 'Georgia,' she whispered. 'It's

know

I

get

what they

my

it's

'And that boy.

Kissing. Again.'

do.'

what they do, thought

head around the

Claire.

fact that she's the

But

She hasn't even introduced him properly to me!

do

I

do

if

I

can't

one doing

it.

And what

he becomes her boyfriend? According to Dad,

she doesn't think he's her soulmate. So

why

is

she kissing

him?

She closed her I

eyes. She's

going to be hurt by him.

hope I'm able to help her when she

The music

slid

gently into

And

is.

'Come Away With Me'.

'Sounds enticing,' said Nate.

'Huh?'

524

How

Will I

Know?

'Walking through yellow grass with you.'

Tm

surprised

you approve of yellow grass/ she

told

him. 'Obviously not watered enough!'

He

laughed and hugged

know

'You

I

her.

She gasped

in surprise.

want to go out with you, don't you?' he

asked.

She

said nothing.

know

'You must

'Why would 'I

thought

I?'

that!'

she asked.

was making

I

it

obvious,

1

he

said.

She shook her head again. 'I

know

that

you had

a really

bad time,' he

'With your husband's accident and

She stiffened again.

He

'I

said sortly.

all.'

don't want to talk about

it.'

They danced a little more. 'Come Away With Me.' He whispered the lyrics of said nothing.

the

song. 'I

certainly will not.'

'Come out with me 'Oh, Nate,

'Why 'I

.

.

just

'I

don't know.'

'I

didn't

realise that

'Oh.' I

He

tried to

still

makes the

two

laughed shortly

.

.

.'

divorces,' she said

flatly.

married to Sarah.'

hold the look of her amber eyes.

He

as

a bit - unreliable.

never realised that you might think ...

of course. But to

it

know about

thought you were

guess

He me seem

because of the two divorces?'

he spoke.

'I

then,' he said.

don't know.'

not?'

.

'Is it

I

smiled.

go out with me, doesn't

'It

it?'

525

makes

it

I

see

'I

now,

possible for

you

O'Flanagan

Sheila

'Why do you want 'I

he

like you,'

go out with me?' she

to

said.

The music changed

Nearness of You,' he told

me

'Stop talking to

in

asked.

again.

'It's

the

Her.

song

tides.'

'You're so unromantic!' 'Yes,'

He

'Oh, Jesus.'

'He was broken

looked

killed in

at

They

her in horror. first

She swallowed hard.

his neck.'

didn't think

I

get that

decapitated.'

an accident. At

bad enough. But they were time.

You

she said shordy. 'I'm unromantic.

way when your husband has been

they told

just sparing

me

he'd

thought that was

'I

my

feelings at the

could cope.'

'I'm so sorry,' he said.

'Georgia doesn't ...

I

won't

'Claire 'It's

'I'm 'I

.

.

know

that,' she said rapidly. 'I can't

tell her.' .'

He

held her closer.

OK.' Her voice was muffled against

his shoulder.

OK now.' know. You went out with

Oliver.'

'That was different.'

'Why?'

She

said nothing.

'You're too

good

for Oliver.'

'I'm not really in the market for going out with at

all,'

'Georgia seems to be doing pretty well on her account.' Nate glanced towards Georgia and Steve,

were

men

she said. 'Besides, there's Georgia to consider.'

own who

now sitting side by side on the step outside the kitchen

door. 'Perhaps.

But

I

-

well, I don't

526

know'

How

Will I

Know?

T scrub up well, you know. The music ended and Claire moved

1

'Dinner?' suggested Nate.

Til think about out of

his reach again. 'But right

am, thanks

The

it.'

now

I'm

fine the

way

I

the same.'

all

guests began leaving at around ten o'clock.

Paul

Hanratty came up to Claire and told her that he and Petra

were going to the pub for looked

at

him

Petra was a really nice

a quiet drink together. Claire

and he smiled and told her

quizzically

that

and that they'd clicked somehow,

girl

and that perhaps she was The One. 'You're making that decision tonight?' asked Claire sceptically.

He shook his head. tunity. She's the first

'But I'm ready to give her the oppor-

woman

smiled. 'Thanks for asking

expected you

me,

friends,' she

.

.

.'

Claire.

He shrugged I

^n*A

wouldn't have

to.'

'Hey, just because you and

item doesn't

since

I

were never going to be .m

mean that I can't told him playfully.

allow

you to date my

'You seemed to be becoming an item with that guv Nate,' said Paul.

'Not

On Claire.

really.' Claire's

the

'We

way

tone was dismissive

past, Petra

clicked,' she

on the cheek. 'We

whispered the same thanks to

murmured

as she kissed her friend

absolutely clicked.'

Mike and Leonie

left

next, promising to collect the

barbecue again in a couple of days. Both of them told Claire that

it

had been

she so lucky that

it

a

wonderful evening and wasn't

had stayed warm and dry? Perfect 527

Sheila

O'Flanagan

barbecuing weather, Mike that

when he wanted

and

Emma

left

Pity

said.

it

never stayed

like

to char a few burgers! Robyn, Sive

with them, yawning widely and winking

profusely at Georgia, whispering at her as they went.

'Come you

give

on, you a

lift

Leonie. 'If you want us to

girls,' said

home you'd

better hurry.'

'Where are your other

friends?'

asked Claire as she

'Sam and Denzil wandered off

a while back,' said

watched them

leave.

Georgia. 'Maeve and Lilith's parents collected

You

ten minutes ago.

'And Steve?' asked 'They're

'Oh

sively. .

all

them about

didn't notice.' Claire.

accounted

Georgia told her dismis-

for,'

look, here's Trinny.'

She drifted away while Claire continued to say goodbye

to people. Nate

and Sarah were among the

last

to leave.

'Thanks for a wonderful evening,' said Sarah

as she

pecked Claire on the cheek. 'See you again sometime.' 'Sure,' said Claire.

'See

you

Claire

'Are

again,' said Nate. 'Soon, I hope.

nodded

you going?' Suddenly Georgia rushed up to them.

'Thanks for coming, Nate and Sarah.

me

to Tesco earlier, Nate.

'My

'I

The

And thanks for taking

torches were great.'

pleasure,' said Nate.

'I like

a real

I'll call.'

imperceptibly.

the

way you

talk to me.'

grown-up. Doesn't he, treat

you

'Now come

like a

Georgia giggled. 'Like

Mum?'

grown-up

too,' said Claire tersely.

on, I'm sure Nate and Sarah want to go.

late.'

528

It's

How we can

'At least

Tm

lie

Will I

Know?

morning,' remarked Sarah.

in the

not a morning person.'

'Neither

is

Mum,'

confided Georgia. 'But she used to

pretend for Dad's sake.' 'Shut up, Georgey,' said Claire. 'Honestly, Nate and

Sarah don't need to

know

everything about

us.'

'They're interested,' said Georgia. She looked at Nate 'Aren't you?' 'Very.'

He

grinned

at her.

He own hand

'Goodnight.' Claire held out her hand to him.

looked

at

her in amusement and took

was warm and 'I'll call,'

The creamy

he

it.

His

dry. said.

nightlight at the side of Safrv\ bed glowed

gendy. Saffy herself was sleeping spread-eagled across her bed, both arms and one leg thrown outside the pretty pink

and blue covers. Her

was

face

in the

could see her dark lashes against her

shadow but

V..\\\m

soft, slightly flushed

cheeks. She was already asleep by the time Eavafl got

and so Candida had

said

home

not to bother driving her back

own house, that she'd walk. The babysitter made any comment about Glenn's absence and

to her

hadn't been able to think up anything sensible to

hadn't ¥..\\\\n

say.

So

she'd simply told Candida that Glenn had elected to walk too. 'It's

the

warm

weather,' Candida had said cheerfully.

'Nice to be outdoors. Bet the barbecue was wonderful.'

She'd headed off

home

then and Eavan had walked

around the house, tidying up things that were already

529

tidy,

Sheila

O'Flanagan

plumping up cushions and unloading the dishwasher,

a job

she loathed.

Then

she'd curled up in the chair beside Saffy's bed and

watched her daughter sleeping. What she wondered, as she gazed at the breathing. Will

your

feet

happen to you?

will

rise

and

fall

of

Saffy's

you meet someone who sweeps you off

and who'll make you happy? Will you manage

not to make

terrible mistakes

thing be right for you or will

with your

life?

Will every-

go wrong? She

it all

felt a

surge of protective energy towards her daughter. She didn't

want things to go wrong to be perfect. But

her

life

for her.

wasn't

She wanted everything

like that.

own mother had wanted

Eavan was sure that

nothing but perfection for

her too but she hadn't been able to stop Eavan getting stupidly pregnant at a time

going through special care.

She

didn't'

when

Eavan had never told her about the abortion.

want her to

feel in

had been her own choice

some way

responsible. It

in the end.

Sometimes she wondered what if

she herself had been

of deep depression and needed

a period

life

would have been

she'd had the baby. But she couldn't imagine

it.

like

Because

life had changed so completely from the day that she'd met Glenn Keating and fallen so madly in love with him. Where was he now? She let out the breath that she realised she'd been holding. Where was he, what was he

her

doing,

when would he be home?

to say that he'd turned

seemed

up

Claire

at the

had phoned

earlier

barbecue and that he'd

upset. But, she'd said, she didn't think he

was

drunk.

Eavan wrapped her arms around her body and pulled

530

How

Will I

Know?

her knees up under her chin. She recalled her

date

first

with Glenn, in the pub, where he'd ordered sparkling water

And

remembered

and told her of

his drink

how

that night after leaving him, convinced

she'd

felt

already that he was the

was

a great

much he 'And

loved her. She

you

And

Much

I

for her. She'd

devoted

a

father.

been

right.

No

He

She knew how

knew how much he loved matter what's happened,

Safrv.

from I

love

want you to come home.

to Claire's surprise, Georgia had taken herself off

to her den almost as soon as the left,

she

too,' she whispered, as a tear slid

the corner of her eye.

you.

man

husband and

love

I

problem.

last

of the guests had

saying that she was going to have a quick

game of

Gran Turismo before going to bed. Claire had imagined that she

would have wanted

to stay up late, chatting about

the evening, but Eileen told her that the

girl

was prob

ably tired out. She had, Eileen reminded her, been

go

on the

day.

all

So

it

was Eileen and Claire who extinguished the

almost depleted torches and cleared up the worst of the debris from the patio and garden. Claire

who sat

mugs of hot

at the

And

it

was Eileen and

kitchen table and drank the steaming

made when

they'd

a teeny bit jealous,'

Claire

chocolate that Claire

finished. 'I

do

remarked

believe as

Dad was

she blew

on the top of her drink

to cool

it

down. Eileen grinned. 'Just a

little.

effect really.'

531

And

that

was the desired

Sheila O'Flanajjan

'I

also believe there's a bit

Shanahan!' Claire grinned

of devilment

in

you, Eileen

at her.

'Nelligan spirit maybe?'' Eileen laughed. 'Your dad's

happy. Lacey's happy. I'm happy. But a bit

if I

can spice

up

it

.' .

.

Claire chuckled.

'What about you and the man?' Eileen's eyes narrowed. 'You said he was married to that

of time with him nevertheless. fancies you.

I

saw the way he looked

he held you when you were dancing. interfere, Claire,

very unhappy. it

I

but you spent a

girl,

And Georgey at

you.

And

the

don't want someone else going through

chequered marital

know,' said Claire.

'I

find

I'm not looking for someone. I'm 'Have a through a 'I

bit

of

Nate's

history.

'And do you want to go out with him?' asked don't,

way

not up to

when my daughter is part of it.' Claire put down her mug and explained about

'I

lot

He

right.

me to women made me

It's

but your dad's other

is

him

OK the

fun,' suggested Eileen.

Eileen.

attractive,

way

I

but

am.'

'You've gone

lot.'

wish people would stop saying

that,' said Claire

irritably. 'It's true.'

'Everyone goes through things.' Claire got up and ran her cup under the sink.

you

'When you're married

to a doctor

find out about the sort of things that people

go

through. I'm luckier than some.'

'You

still

deserve to have a bit of fun,' Eileen told

her.

532

How

Will I

Know?

'Now I'm going

'We'll see,' said Claire.

to bed. I'm

exhausted.'

'Me

'OK,

too,' confessed Eileen.

darling, see

you

in the

morning.'

'Goodnight, the kitchen to

Mum.'

hug

Claire stopped

Eileen.

They stayed

on her way out of in the

almost a minute before she went up the

embrace

tor

stairs.

Faint fingers of light were appearing in the eastern skv

when Eavan

jerked into wakefulness. She remained

bile in the chair as she

And

then she thought that

fort

of the way that she'd

it

to

and her

legs

were

stiff.

her.

was probably the discom-

fallen asleep

wake her again - she had

enough

immo-

wondered what had woken

She stretched

which had been

a crick in her jerkily,

neck

her muscles

unwound themselves from the knots And then she heard the noise downstairs

protesting as they

they'd been

and

in.

froze.

Her

first

thought wasn't that

it

was Glenn, but that

might be an intruder. Her mouth went dry and she shot an anxious glance count on the bed. But even that the sounds

Glenn. She

sat

at Saffy,

at the

still

as she listened,

it

prospect

out for the

Eavan knew

from downstairs were being made by

back

in the chair

again, wincing as her joints

and drew her knees up

and muscles protested. She

heard the sound of muffled footsteps on the

stairs

and

then of her bedroom door being opened. There was a

moment of

silence,

and then Glenn pushed

Saffy's

door

open.

Eavan peeped through her almost closed

533

lashes at his

Sheila

silhouette in the

O'Flanagan

door frame.

the frame, the other

Tall, angular,

one hand against

on the door handle. She remained

motionless.

He

walked lighdy across the room and she could hear

the rasp of his breath as he stood by Saffy's bed. She shiv-

ered suddenly.

Then he turned towards her. She squeezed her eyes him to walk away. His breathing seemed fill the entire room. Then she felt his hands slide beneath

closed, waiting for

to

her body and scoop her from the chair. She allowed her eyelids to flicker.

'Go back to

sleep.'

His words were clear

as she stirred

in his arms.

'Glenn 'Sshh.' 'Later.

.' .

.

He dropped

Now

-

a gentie kiss

on the

She was going to protest but she

him

of her nose.

She allowed

didn't.

to place her in the king- sized bed and pull the covers

over her even though she was

now wide

as

he got undressed, hanging up

as

he always did.

Then he got it

tip

sleep.'

into the

awake. She listened

his clothes in the

bed beside

She

her.

felt as

was somehow important not to acknowledge

ence, to let

him

believe that she

yawned, then rolled over on to since he'd told her

arm

about the

across her body.

And

was

still

his side. loss

of

his

though

his pres-

sleeping.

For the

even though

wardrobe

first

job he put his his

elbow was

digging into her ribs and hugely uncomfortable, she didn't move.

534

He time

still

How Claire couldn't sleep.

Know?

Will I

She

tried

of her old

all

tricks

but

The sheep which she tried to count refused point blank to jump over the required fence and huddled in front of it instead, bleating in dissent. Her they failed her miserably.

other ploy, walking herself that she

nique which

Bill

quite reliable),

down

was getting

a

long

came unstuck when she managed stairs

down them. Counting backwards sat

tech-

a

to catch

and mentally bumped

didn't help either.

up, punched at her pillows and rearranged them

before lying

down

again.

She wanted to go out with him. She wanted to it

telling

stairs

had taught her and which was usually

her heel in the red carpet of the

She

of

flight

sleepier with every step

would be

like.

If her dates with

see

what

Gary and Oliver and

even with Paul had taught her anything,

it

was that

But

nice to be with an adult male again.

it

it

was

would be

She knew it would. And she didn't know whether she could cope with it when inevitably it would all go wrong and he'd leave her and she'd be left to mend a broken heart all over again. Always provided, different with Nate.

she muttered savagely, that she got to the stage where she fell

for

him properly anyway. Maybe she could go out with

him and hate every second of it. Maybe best thing to

happen

in the

that

As often happened when she couldn't the accident replayed in her

prevent

it,

azure sea. body.

The

mind

sleep, the

again.

but the images were too strong.

to the pontoon.

The

would be

the

end.

The diamond

She

535

to

Swimming out

sparkling of light

heat of the sun on her gendy

sense of fulfilment she'd had

dav of

tried

knowing

on the

browned that she

Sheila

was pregnant again

OWanajjan

And

at last.

moment when

then the

she'd curled her toes around the edge of the pontoon,

waited for a .

.

the

.

last

split

second and then dived into the water

moment when

everything in her

life

had been

right. 'It's

not

not

fair.'

fair,'

she whispered in the darkness.

She exhaled

before. Eileen

'It's

simply

She'd never said that aloud

jerkily.

had once told her that

life

wasn't

had spoken of starving children and wars and the

fair

and

injustice

of great poverty and great wealth in the world, and she'd said that

bad things happened to everyone and so you

had to get on with your

do

that. But, she

just

had done her best to

Claire

lot.

thought miserably,

it still

didn't

make

it

fair.

Quite suddenly she nodded that she'd only

been out

off.

And

for a couple

it

seemed to her

of minutes when she

was jerked into shocked wakefulness again by the strident tone of the house alarm

as

it

shattered the night

air.

She

jack-knifed out of the bed, grabbing her T-shirt from the

back of the door because she'd elected to sleep naked again that night,

and

clattered

down

the

stairs,

thinking only of

Georgia (who was sleeping in her den), feeling almost certain that the alarm

was

a false

one but nevertheless

wanting to check that her daughter was 'Claire?' Eileen

all

right.

opened the bedroom door and stepped

out on to the landing. 'I'm checking stairs.

'I'm sure

it,'

it's

said Claire

from halfway down the

nothing.'

She was worried that Georgia hadn't come out of her

den

at the

sound of the alarm. She pushed on the handle 536

How

Will I

and gasped to find that couldn't be locked.

felt

terror

and

rattled the handle again

not to sound

concerned

as

mount up

all

'Of course,'

Then

hell

She

name, trying she heard the

and Georgia opened the door her hair spiky and unkempt,

a T-shirt,

smudges of her smoky eye-shadow 'Are you

inside her.

called Georgia's

as she felt.

jangle of the key in the lock

She too was wearing

wouldn't budge. The door

it

was never locked. So what the

It

had happened? Claire

Know?

around her

still

ej

right?' asked Claire.

said Georgia.

of wind or something that 'Georgey, there

isn't a

pointed out. 'Maybe

it

T'm

set

it

sure

breath of

was the

cat

was

it

just a gust

off.'

tonight," Claire

air

from next door or some-

thing.'

'Probably.' Georgia stood in the doorway, holding

on

to the half-open door.

'Can

just

I

check the window

Claire. 'I'm always a bit

to the front ...

to be sure

it's all

T checked 'All

I

it

know

in

your bedroom ?" asked

worried because it

might be

faces

it

but

silly,

I

want

right.'

myself,' Georgia assured her. "I'm tine.'

the same.' Claire pushed at the door.

'Mum!' protested Georgia. T She broke off

as Claire

said

was

it

tine

—

stepped past her, then looked

anxiously at her mother and at Steve

on the guest bed

out on

just

6

Se,

in his olive-green T-shirt

who was

sitting

and Calvin Klein

shorts.

Claire couldn't think of a single thing to say. She stared at

the boy

.

.

.

young man

(she didn't quite

537

know what

to

call

O'Flanagan

Sheila

him)

on the bed

sitting

room.

How

And

desperately. 'Claire,

in her fourteen-year-old daughter's

the hell had that happened? she

then - what the

hell

wondered

had happened?

everything OK?' Eileen followed her into the

is

room. She too stopped and stared to look at Georgia,

whose

face

at Steve.

was

red.

Then she turned

'What on earth

is

going on here?' she asked. 'Nothing!' cried Georgia. 'Nothing.'

'Nothing?' Claire didn't take her eyes off the red-headed

boy (she'd decided boy was the bed opposite 'Honestly,

sounded

right

word now) on

the

her.

Mrs Hudson, we haven't done

anything.'

He

scared.

'You're the one that

Con found

under the

kissing her

apple tree,' said Eileen. 'Yes, well, sure,

but that was

'Yes,' said Claire acidly.

different,' said Steve.

'You had

all

your clothes on then.'

'Mum!'* begged Georgia. 'You've got to believe definitely so

us. It's

not what you think.'

Claire looked at her daughter. Georgia's amber-flecked

eyes were filled with unshed anxious tears. She pushed her

hands wildly through her already unkempt

hair.

'Well then?' Claire said as evenly as she could. 'If

so not what 'Steve it

was

I

think,

what

came from Navan,' Georgia

late

when everyone was

bus.

And

told

him he could

it's

is it?'

told her rapidly. 'But

leaving.

He'd missed the taxi. So I

he didn't have enough money for a

'You told him I specifically

stay the night.'

this?

You

asked you

if

didn't think to ask

me?

When

everyone had gone home?'

538

How

you might have

'Well

could've got easier if 'I

said no,'

parenty about

all

Georgia

'You

said.

and we thought

it

it

was

he just came into the den and waited for me.'

don't believe

'You think

her.

Will I Know''!

this,

it's

Georgia Hudson.' Claire stared

perfecdy acceptable to invite

boy to spend the night 'You're making

your room!'

in

seem

it

at

a strange

though

as

I

asked him to

sta\

could have sex with him.' Georgia's tone was

so that

I

defiant.

'I

didn't.

We

didn't. It wasn't part

of our plan

at

all.'

'I'm so pleased to hear

said Claire angrily.

it,'

remind you, Georgia, that

it's

k

would

I

actually illegal for

anyone

to have sex with you at your age regardless of whether you

enough

think you're mature 'I

know

knows

it

too.

'Then for

him

I

We

for

Georgia.

that,' said

talked about

can't see

'I

or not/

it

absolutely do.

And

Steve

it.'

why you thought

it

was

a

good

idea

to stay the night,' snapped Claire. 'According to

Dad, you and he were

practically eating each other

under

the apple tree.'

'We weren't!' It

was

cried Georgia, her face white.

lovely. Steve

is

lovely.

But

I

'We

kissed

don't want to have tex

with him and he doesn't want to have sex with me.' Claire glanced at Steve,

red as his

whose

face

was now almost

'What you want

in

your mind and what your body

you can sometimes be two earlier a bit,

You're always telling

when we were

me

tells

different things,' she said.

'Well they weren't with us!' Georgia retorted.

maybe

as

hair.

kissing.

'OK,

But not now.

that I'm a sensible person. That's

539

Sheila

because

am.

I

hand

injured

O'Flanagan

had to be, haven't

I've

in front

of

I?'

She waved her

had to be because

Claire. 'I've

this

happened to me and because things

me

than other people even though they shouldn't

be.

So

I

know

it

really

the difference about what you feel and what

you do. Sometimes about

are different for

I

than you do,

think

I

know

damn

a

more

sight

Mum!'

'Georgia Hudson!' Eileen intervened. 'Don't speak to

your mother in that tone of 'It's

OK,'

said Claire.

was blinking back the least ask

voice.'

She looked

tears.

who

her daughter,

me,' she said, and this time her tone was gender.

'You've always been able to ask 'I

at

'I'm surprised you didn't at

was going

me

things.

to Nate Taylor and I didn't

that.'

want to interrupt you. You

seemed to be getting on well and

I

and then

a bit

I

You know

Georgia gulped. 'But you were talking

to.'

kinda thought about

it

thought

.

.

.

well

more and

I

.

.

.

reck-

oned you might not approve.' Claire turned to look at Steve. skin

the

around

women

'So

He

was picking

at the

his fingernails, studiously avoiding the eyes

in the

of

room.

when you decided

to

come along

today,

had you

intended staying overnight?' she asked him.

He

picked at his nail for another few seconds before

looking up at her.

'I

didn't really think about

it

at

all,'

he

said uncomfortably.

'And what about your

parents?' she asked. 'Couldn't

they collect you?'

'Oh, Steve's parents!' Georgia's voice was scornful. 'They wouldn't

know whether he was home 540

or not!'

How 'Maybe we'd

Know?

better find that out,' said Claire.

And

they do know.

Will I

I

'Please don't ring them.' Steve suddenly

might not know where

them The phone call

'That's

I

'It

bet

sounded much

'They'll freak out.

but

they'll sure

They

go berserk

if

morning.'

rang, startling

all

of them.

alarm company,' said

checking to see whether

and

am

at five in the

the

I

bet they're worried as hell/

younger and more frightened.

you

l

it's

a false

Claire.

'They're

alarm or not/

was me.' This time Steve sounded both frightened

guilty. 'I

went off

opened the window

It

was very warm.

It

straight away.'

Claire didn't

know why

it

was that she now wanted to

laugh. There was absolutely nothing funny about the situ ation as far as she could see. But there was something

about the

terrified

tone of Steve's voice and the anxious

look in Georgia's eyes that made her want to giggle. She

went into the hallway to answer the phone alarm company that everything was

room, Claire

to

Eileen, Georgia

came

all

.m