From Women to the World: Letters for a New Century 9780755626854, 9780755626885, 9780755626878

Table of contents :
Cover page
Praise for From Women to the World
Title page
Copyright page
Dedication
Contents
Letter to the Reader
Introduction BY ELIZABETH FILIPPOULI
Let’s Talk: A “Global Conversation”
The Letters
List of Letters
To the woman that changed me, Diane von Furstenberg From June Sarpong OBE (UK)
To my Aunt, Ramona Fiani From Roula Azar Douglas (Lebanon/Canada)
To Zohra Moosa, Executive Director, Mama Cash From Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa, (Uganda)
To my Sister in Humanity, Angelina Jolie From Basma Alawee (Iraq/USA)
To my Daughter, Lara Karmel From Annabel Karmel MBE (UK)
To Margaret Garner, the Woman who Murdered her Daughter From Muna AbuSulayman (Saudi Arabia)
To My Mother, as a Metaphor for All Women in my Family From Yasmine Al Massri (France/Lebanon)
To Athena, as the Younger Anousheh From Anousheh Ansari (Iran/USA)
To my Daughter, Ashtar Muallem From Iman Aoun (Palestine)
To my Mother, Audrey Smith From Emma Bache (UK)
To One of the World’s Greatest Cellists Jacqueline du Pré From Silvia Chiesa (Italy)
To my Daughter, Sophia Babai From Shelmina Abji (USA/Tanzania)
To my Younger Self, Hope From HH Sayyida Basma Al Said (Oman)
To All Women Athletes of the Special Olympics From Mary Davis (USA/Ireland)
To Senator Haifa Hajjar Najjar From Deema Bibi (Jordan)
To my Daughter Sofia From Paola Diana (Italy)
To my Grandmothers, Her Majesty Queen Zein Al-Sharaf Talal of Jordan and Begum Shaista Suhrawardy Ikramullah From HRH Sumaya bint El Hassan (Jordan)
To The Homeless Woman From Grazia Giuliani (Italy/UK)
To Murdered Politician, Anna Lindh From Miriam González Durántez (Spain/UK)
To Jacinda Ardern, PM of New Zealand From Elif Shafak (Turkey/UK)
To my Sister, Mantalena From Eva Kaili MEP (Greece)
To a Forest of Women, among them Annie Lennox and Carole Cadwalladr From Livia Firth (Italy/UK)
To my Unborn Granddaughter From Attiya Mahmood (Pakistan)
To Shyama Perera From Dame Martina Milburn DCVO, CBE (UK)
To All Young Women From Christina Nielsen (Denmark)
To My Sisters Around The World From Femi Oke (UK/Nigeria)
To My Mother, Rhoda Spielman Tzemach From Gayle Tzemach Lemmon (USA)
To the Anonymous Woman From Mariane Pearl (France)
To my Wife, Hanan Kattan From Shamim Sarif (UK/Canada)
To Geraldine (inspired by Molly Yard and Gloria Steinem) From Geraldine Sharpe-Newton (UK/USA)
To My Nieces From Dr Rebecca S. Hage Thomley (USA)
To My Mother, Rezzan From Nurdeniz Tunçer (Turkey)
To Ada Lovelace From Dame Stephanie (Steve) Shirley (UK)
To All Women, Daughters of the World From Elizabeth Filippouli (UK/Greece)
Afterword
Let’s Act: Recalibrating our Systems
Let’s Prioritise Empathy over Testosterone
Let’s Listen: Voices from the Younger Generation of Women
Let’s Inspire: The Letters
Let’s Reflect: Some Thought Triggers
Index
Elizabeth Filippouli – Bio
Acknowledgements

Citation preview

Praise for From Women to the World “Elizabeth Filippouli’s book, From Women to the World, is profoundly moving. A series of letters written by women, to the women who changed their lives. It is in itself likely to change the lives of the many women who are destined to read it. Among the many powerful and incisive stories, the letter written by Muna AbuSulayman to Margaret Garner, the enslaved woman attempting to escape to freedom, who murdered her daughter rather than see her return to captivity, reduced me to tears. I will be buying it for my daughter and my mother. This is not a book to miss.” LINDA DUBERLEY, Writer and Broadcaster “From Women to the World is a thought-provoking, deeply inspirational, and beautifully compiled tribute to women's leadership. I commend Elizabeth for this important and timeless contribution to the growing body of scholarship and literature that honours the unlimited potential and unparalleled capacity of women’s leadership, and highlights its holistic impact on economies, on societies, and whole communities.” HAIFA AL KAYLANI, President & Founder, The Arab International Women’s Forum “This is a gem of a book.” VICKY PRYCE, Economist/Author of Women vs Capitalism i

“I could say that From Women to the World is a role model female platform. It is a dialogue between women that inspires, thrills and touches the souls and feelings of the countless readers that this spectacular book will surely have. Thank you, Elizabeth Filippouli and all the brave and valuable authors of these letters, for letting us share their fights, pains, and victories.” ROSALÍA ARTEAGA SERRANO, Former President of the Republic of Ecuador “Too often we focus on metrics and measurements, yet it is stories and relationships that lead to real, long lasting transformation. These stories from around the world will have an impact on the reader as they did on those who feature in them. This is a beautiful, powerful book.” HELEN ALDERSON, International Committee of the Red Cross

ii

From Women to the World Letters for a New Century by Elizabeth Filippouli

iii

I.B. TAURIS Bloomsbury Publishing Plc 50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP, UK 1385 Broadway, New York, NY 10018, USA 29 Earlsfort Terrace, Dublin 2, Ireland BLOOMSBURY, I.B. TAURIS and the I.B. Tauris logo are trademarks of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc First published in Great Britain 2021 Copyright © Elizabeth Filippouli and contributors, 2021 Elizabeth Filippouli has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as Editor of this work. Cover design by Charlotte Daniels All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers. Bloomsbury Publishing Plc does not have any control over, or responsibility for, any thirdparty websites referred to or in this book. All internet addresses given in this book were correct at the time of going to press. The author and publisher regret any inconvenience caused if addresses have changed or sites have ceased to exist, but can accept no responsibility for any such changes. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. A catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress. ISBN: HB: ePDF: eBook:

978-0-7556-2685-4 978-0-7556-2687-8 978-0-7556-2686-1

Typeset by RefineCatch Limited, Bungay, Suffolk To find out more about our authors and books visit www.bloomsbury.com and sign up for our newsletters.

iv

To my Mother, Eleni, and my Grandma, Elizabeth. To all great Fathers, who raise their daughters with love and respect, including mine, Stamatis Filippoulis. In memory of all the women whose lives were taken violently. Dedicated to all women who bravely march on through life.

v

vi

Contents Letter to the Reader ix Introduction xi The Letters 1 List of Letters 2 Afterword 177 Index 189 Elizabeth Filippouli Bio 197 Acknowledgements 199

vii

viii

Letter to the Reader Dear Reader, Over the last two decades I have been lucky enough to cross paths with some fascinating women. Women of different cultures, races, faiths, ages, social strata. Over our conversations I would always discover a very human and exceptionally powerful side in all of them. A story that they would not share when invited on a panel. Experiences that shape who we become in life are rarely shared on industry panels. They usually inspire movies and stage characters. I decided to invite some of these trailblazing women to open up their hearts in a way that they had not done before. I wanted them to speak about the real, human, untold stories that defined them. If we don’t explore what is happening inside us, we can’t really understand what is happening around us. Each story is a door that opens for the first time. I hope that the reading will be powerful, memorable and lovingly tough. It does not offer success secrets, career guidance and “how-you-can-have-it-all” advice. This book is a tribute to womanhood as a state of mind, a choice that allows for a wealth of experiences, contradictions, interpretations and adaptations. In the words of Simone de Beauvoir: “One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.” I am entirely aware that thousands of extraordinary stories have yet to be shared or, even worse, may never be told. But there is so much to learn and be inspired by, from those at hand. This collective legacy is now yours. Yours, Elizabeth

ix

x

Introduction BY ELIZABETH FILIPPOULI

Let’s Talk: A “Global Conversation” In 2018 on International Women’s Day, Athena40 was announced at UNESCO in Paris as a platform to promote new role models and to engage forwardthinking women in a “global” conversation. Inspired by discussions with one of the world’s finest novelists and women’s rights activist, Elif Shafak, embraced by Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the late Nawal El Saadawi, a leading Arab feminist, and businesswoman and philanthropist Dame Stephanie Shirley, Athena40 was born to catalyse conversations around promoting more women into leadership positions and introduce new ways to learn from each other. We all agreed that, if we want a more accountable and balanced world we have to organize and engage more women in conversations and decisionmaking roles. We must connect more with each other, inspire, support – and, as Michelle Obama says: become. From Women to the World is a dialogue not only between the authors of the letters and their addressees – it is a wider intergenerational, interracial, crossgender conversation that is frank, intimate and hopefully difficult at times. From Generations Y and Z, we will see the new Ruth, Malala, Zaha, Graca, Rania, Oprah, Angelina emerging. They will rise and shine, but there are storms ahead. I strongly believe that the chain of socioeconomic events that marked the first decade of the Millennium (and which I describe in the Afterword) would not have happened if more women were at the helm. We are not faultless, but we do bring compassion, patience and a collaborative leadership style. xi

xii

Introduction

These are values that our world – a world founded on patriarchy, institutional sexism and systemic male dominance – is missing. By perpetuating gender injustice, inequality and bias, humanity not only continues to be guilty of a major ethical blunder but pays a very expensive price too. I am often asked if I call myself a feminist and if Athena40 is a feminist movement. Well, I will share my definition of feminism. To me, feminism is about dignity. Dignity means being treated as equal, being respected for who you are, being listened to. Dignity is being able to define your own destiny, being free to make your life’s choices and free to celebrate them. It is an attitude of self-respect that finds its way into social, cultural and religious contexts but it stretches beyond their limitations. While we should be able to acknowledge our limitations, and we can never eliminate them completely, we can find our way to freedom and independence through them. As author and thinker Roxane Gay writes: “I am as committed to fighting fiercely for equality as I am committed to disrupting the notion that there is an essential feminism”. I agree. Feminism is about nurturing independent thought and this comes with education. Education enables the mind to be open and welcoming to all views and ideas. If our minds close towards one direction, then they will soon close towards other (or all) directions. That is a dangerous prospect. In an ideal and equal world, feminism would not exist. Every human being would enjoy a dignified life, with a sense of belonging, respect and purpose. That pretty much sums it up for me. Until we get there, we have a relay race to run. I hope that this book will leave you inspired and motivated to join this race against patriarchy, misogyny, violence, apathy. Each letter is a baton handed over to you, as the next runner, regardless of your gender. The time to pick it up is now. So when it’s your turn, don’t hesitate, don’t wait. Take it, run, pass it on. The right time to start changing things is always, and only, now.

The Letters

1

List of Letters TO THE WOMAN THAT CHANGED ME, DIANE VON FURSTENBERG June Sarpong OBE (UK) 6 TO MY AUNT, RAMONA FIANI Roula Azar Douglas (Lebanon/Canada) 10 TO ZOHRA MOOSA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR MAMA CASH Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa (Uganda) 16 TO MY SISTER IN HUMANITY, ANGELINA JOLIE Basma Alawee (Iraq/USA) 20 TO MY DAUGHTER, LARA KARMEL Annabel Karmel MBE (UK) 28 TO MARGARET GARNER, THE WOMAN WHO MURDERED HER DAUGHTER Muna AbuSulayman (Saudi Arabia) 34 TO MY MOTHER, AS A METAPHOR FOR ALL WOMEN IN MY FAMILY Yasmine Al Massri (France/Lebanon) 40 TO ATHENA, AS THE YOUNGER ANOUSHEH Anousheh Ansari (Iran/USA) 44 TO MY DAUGHTER, ASHTAR MUALLEM Iman Aoun (Palestine) 48 TO MY MOTHER, AUDREY SMITH Emma Bache (UK) 54 TO ONE OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST CELLISTS JACQUELINE DU PRÉ Silvia Chiesa (Italy) 58 TO MY DAUGHTER, SOPHIA BABAI Shelmina Abji (USA/Tanzania) 64 TO MY YOUNGER SELF, HOPE HH Sayyida Basma Al Said (Oman) 68 2

List of Letters

TO ALL WOMEN ATHLETES OF THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS Mary Davis (USA/Ireland) 72 TO SENATOR HAIFA HAJJAR NAJJAR Deema Bibi (Jordan) 76 TO MY DAUGHTER, SOFIA DIANA BELTRAME Paola Diana (Italy) 82 TO MY GRANDMOTHERS HER MAJESTY QUEEN ZEIN AL-SHARAF TALAL OF JORDAN AND BEGUM SHAISTA SUHRAWARDY IKRAMULLAH HRH Sumaya bint El Hassan (Jordan) 86 TO THE HOMELESS WOMAN Grazia Giuliani (Italy/UK) 92 TO MURDERED POLITICIAN, ANNA LINDH Miriam González Durántez (Spain/UK) 98 TO JACINDA ARDERN, PM OF NEW ZEALAND Elif Shafak (Turkey/UK) 104 TO MY SISTER, MANTALENA KAILI Eva Kaili MEP (Greece) 108 TO A FOREST OF WOMEN, AMONG THEM ANNIE LENNOX AND CAROLE CADWALLADR Livia Firth (UK/Italy) 112 TO MY UNBORN GRANDDAUGHTER Attiya Mahmood (Pakistan) 116 TO SHYAMA PERERA Dame Martina Milburn DCVO, CBE (UK) 122 TO ALL YOUNG WOMEN Christina Nielsen (Denmark) 126 TO MY SISTERS AROUND THE WORLD Femi Oke (UK/Nigeria) 130 TO MY MOTHER, RHODA SPIELMAN TZEMACH Gayle Tzemach Lemmon (USA) 134

3

4

From Women to the World

TO THE ANONYMOUS WOMAN Mariane Pearl (France) 138 TO MY WIFE, HANAN KATTAN Shamim Sarif UK/Canada 144 TO GERALDINE (INSPIRED BY MOLLY YARD AND GLORIA STEINEM) Geraldine Sharpe-Newton (UK/USA) 150 TO MY NIECES Dr Rebecca S. Hage Thomley (USA) 156 TO MY MOTHER, REZZAN TUNÇER Nurdeniz Tunçer (Turkey) 162 TO ADA LOVELACE Dame Stephanie (Steve) Shirley (UK) 168 TO ALL WOMEN, DAUGHTERS OF THE WORLD Elizabeth Filippouli (UK/Greece) 174

5

6

From Women to the World

To the woman that changed me, Diane von Furstenberg From June Sarpong OBE (UK)

“Hardened by her unspeakable experiences at Auschwitz, your mother imbued you with courage and strength.” June Sarpong OBE is an established TV presenter, author and BBC’s Director of Diversity. June has enjoyed a 20-year career, in which she has become one of the most recognizable faces of British television. June began her career at Kiss 100 and later became a presenter for MTV UK & Ireland. It was when she started on Channel 4’s T4 that she became a household name. She has worked extensively with HRH Prince Charles as an ambassador for The Prince’s Trust, whilst campaigning for The One and Produce (RED). June was awarded an OBE in 2007 for her services to broadcasting and charity, making her one of the youngest ever people to receive an OBE. June is the co-founder of the WIE Network (Women: Inspiration & Enterprise). Having launched her eponymous label in 1970, Diane von Furstenberg cemented her status with her iconic wrap dress in 1974. Having achieved sales of over one million units less than two years after its inception, the dress became the defining power symbol for an influential generation of women. Von Furstenberg has been awarded several industry accolades such as the American Accessories Council’s Excellence Award and a Gold Medal at the annual Queen Sofia Spanish Institute Gold Medal Gala.

The Letters

7

Dear Diane, You spoke with such dignity and effortless grace; I couldn’t take my eyes off your tanned and beautiful, lightly lined face. As you tossed back your dark, wavy, shoulder-length hair, you declared in your signature Belgian-American fused drawl: “I have never met a woman who isn’t strong, even if she doesn’t know it.” The audience of over 400 women Millennials, was transfixed. I myself was one of them (or their slightly older sister), having just turned 32 at the time I watched you, this fabulous woman in her sixties. I couldn’t help but wonder what it must feel like to have such self-acceptance and such unwavering self-belief – self-esteem in its truest form. It was clear there wasn’t a cell in your body, or thought in your mind working against you, preventing you from being your ultimate self – the woman you were born to be. I wasn’t the only member of that audience thinking this, we all were. If we could discover the secret of your confidence, or if some of your essence could rub off on us, then maybe, just maybe, we could also overcome all of our self-doubt and become the women we were born to be, just as you – Diane von Furstenberg – had done. From that day, I became fascinated with DvF the woman and not just the wrap dress. From reading your memoir The Woman I Wanted To Be, I unearthed some of the ingredients that made you become the woman you wanted to be. Your parents had been engaged before your mother was captured by the Nazis. For two years your father, a wealthy young businessman kept the dream that his fiancée would return to him alive. She did – albeit severely emotionally and physically wounded. Your mother had survived the Holocaust but was told by doctors she would never have children. You were their miracle child. Hardened by her unspeakable experiences at Auschwitz, your mother imbued you with courage and strength. Your father, on the other hand, showered you with love and affection. This combination of tough love gave you the right balance you would need to succeed. When you were eight years old, you met the mother of one of your school friends. This woman was a wife, a mother and a successful businesswoman. In that moment, you decided this was the kind of woman you wanted to be. You wrote “I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted

8

From Women to the World

to become. I wanted to be an independent woman, a woman who could pay for her bills, a woman who could run her own life – and I became that woman.” As I accompanied you in the elevator at that women’s conference, I asked you what the one piece of advice would be you would give any young woman starting out. You answered: “CLARITY COMES FIRST. I’ve never met a woman who at her core isn’t strong, when we get together and bring out that side of ourselves, we really can change the world.” This encounter happened in 2012 and has stayed with me ever since, forcing me to examine the woman I want to be and how to overcome the impediments that prevent me from becoming like you. Your courage and confidence exemplify why all women must decide who it is they want to be and then figure out how to become that. We must encourage and empower each other’s dreams and ambitions. We must listen to each other’s fears and insecurities – but we mustn’t allow ourselves to be paralysed by them. And we must challenge societal structures and institutions that hold women’s emancipation back. I 100 per cent accept this is easier said than done, but for the sake of humanity we must try – the world is in crisis and needs women to help solve these serious issues that threaten the very survival of our species. I myself am still working on becoming the woman I want to be and have a long way to go, but because of you, I now have a vision of who that woman is, and I look forward to one day meeting her, when I become her. Yours, June

9

10

From Women to the World

To my Aunt, Ramona Fiani From Roula Azar Douglas (Lebanon/Canada)

“Beirut’s apocalyptical and vertiginous fall happened to the frightening sounds of buildings collapsing, windows shattering, walls twisting, flesh ripping, blood splattering, bones snapping.” Roula Azar Douglas is a Lebanese-Canadian journalist and author who writes to prompt reflections, question the world, and to change mentalities and attitudes for a more just, human, and gender-equal society. She is also a university instructor and a researcher working on the influence of media on views of gender. She is committed to empowering other women, to combatting gender discriminations and injustices wherever she sees them, and to contributing to the development of new approaches for achieving gender equality. Ramona Fiani was born in Beirut 12 years after the proclamation of the State of Greater Lebanon. She was the eldest of five children. When her mother died, she was forced to take on great responsibilities at a very young age, working as a preschool educator while taking care of her siblings. An ambitious woman, she did not hesitate to embrace new challenges in order to better her life. Later on, she completely changed her career and entered the banking sector. When she was killed, at the beginning of the Civil War, she was barely 40 years old.

The Letters

11

My dear aunt Ramona, More than four decades have passed since that dark autumn day, when a blind and murderous bombshell brutally ended your life and shattered ours. Oh how today’s Beirut looks like that of yesterday. On 4 August, 2020 as our clocks struck 6:07 PM, Beirut exploded in an instant. Its apocalyptical and vertiginous fall happened to the frightening sounds of buildings collapsing, windows shattering, walls twisting, flesh ripping, blood splattering, bones snapping and dozens of lives ending way too soon, with the utmost violence and injustice . . . This double explosion wrecked the entire Beirut port, destroyed neighboring areas and led more than 200 people to their death. More than 6000 injured will forever keep, in mind and flesh, the scars of this crime. Alexandra, Elias, Isaac, Ali, Ahmad, Sahar, Diana, Samir, Joe, Charbel, Krystel . . . I would have liked to name them one by one, tell you their stories, draw their faces, make you listen to the sound of their voices and imagine together what their lives could have been if it wasn’t for the corrupt warlords that control our country. Because this catastrophe which brought Lebanon to its knees could have been avoided. But that’s for another story. One on institutionalized crime, irresponsible leaders, lack of accountability, conflicts of interest, corruption, treason and the value of of human lives . . . More than four decades have passed since your life was brutally ended. Even though I was a little girl at the time, I still remember the profound sorrow and intense feeling of guilt I felt for months on end following your cruel passing, blaming myself for not telling you how much I loved you and how precious you were to me. Years have gone by. I fled the country, like millions of others who were aiming to settle in lands with bluer skies. Then the war ended. And I came back. No matter where I was, whatever I did, you stayed with me. At every stage of my life, at every turning point and with the start of every journey, I thought of you and I imagined the conversations we could have had if you had survived the war. Today, as the coronavirus pandemic has completely changed our lives, altering the way we work, shop, communicate and share public places, affecting the way we relate to our health as well as our views on the world that surrounds us, I think of you. You went through hardships and important changes too. The family’s collective memory, unlike the amnesia that has taken over the country,

12

From Women to the World

has preserved all memories related to the civil war that swallowed a 15-year chunk of our lives whole without ever giving it back or really coming to an end. We have kept and cherish the memory of your unscathed coffee cup waiting for you on your bedside table while death found you in that shelter where you sought refuge. We have all engraved in our mind this picture of you trying to domesticate that first computer bought by the company where you worked despite your intrinsic fear of being replaced by this same machine, thus losing your only source of income. But the crisis the planet is going through today is like no other, and there is still considerable uncertainty on how it will affect our lives and livelihoods. Confined to our homes to protect ourselves and save others, we have to adapt to new realities. Amazingly, as physical distance has grown, the Covid-19 outbreak has demonstrated that we are all tied together like never before, despite closed borders, isolated countries and each one of us facing this pandemic in solitude, confined to our own home. But the pandemic has also magnified the inequalities that persist in today’s world. The coronavirus is disproportionately hurting the most vulnerable people. Many lost their jobs, have no income and are at risk of starvation. And, while most of us see home as a safe haven, millions of women worldwide are exposed to an increased risk of domestic violence in addition to isolation, grief and economic despair. Six years ago, on 1 April 2014, the Lebanese Parliament approved Lebanon’s first law against domestic violence yet, women in Lebanon are still losing their lives at the hands of their husbands. You might suspect it and you would be right: the road for gender equality is long and paved with obstacles. Even though some progress has been made since your brutal passing, the pace of change hasn’t been steady in all domains. Women are still experiencing sexual harassment, job insecurity, biased laws and regulations, and low remuneration in comparison to men. But you would be happy to know that after decades of debates and hundreds of victims, the so-called “honour crimes” are finally considered by the Lebanese law for what they really are: crimes. On 4 August 2011, 33 years after you left, the Lebanese House of Representatives annulled article 562 of the Criminal Code, which mitigated the sentence of murderers who claim they killed or injured their wife, daughter, or other woman relative, to protect the family’s “honour”.

The Letters

13

Many other things have changed since you were gone. Lebanese women have never been more active: today, they work as doctors, architects, engineers, biologists, dancers and whatever they want to be. However, despite the paramount role they play in the Lebanese society, only 13 per cent of people mentioned in the media on any given day are women. Just 13 per cent. This is not a small, harmless, isolated detail. It is a dangerous fact. Women’s voices are still silenced. Their capacities are still overlooked. And if, by any chance, they catch the media’s attention, they are more often than not depicted as victims, associated with weakness, oversensitivity and sentimentality. This doesn’t come as a surprise when one sees how gender stereotypes are still deeply rooted in our society. For many girls, life choices are still dictated by society’s expectations. I remember a teacher telling me, just a few years after your tragic departure, that I “have to choose between falling in love and succeeding in my studies”. Later, I was advised to retire early “to become a better mom”. The reality is that these dilemmas are merely made-up social constructs. Careers and motherhood, altruistic love and self-love, having a partner and fighting for one’s rights can go hand in hand. We as women don’t have to compromise our career in order to choose motherhood and vice versa. We can be whoever we want to be and should be able to do whatever we want. It helps remembering that we don’t have to be perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes. It is ok to fail. It is ok to be different. However, it is not ok to accept injustice, to succumb to society’s prejudiced pressure, to give up on one’s dreams. It took me a long time to learn – what you seem to have known all along – that if you don’t love and accept yourself, you cannot really love and accept others. My dear aunt Ramona, I do believe, like you did half a century ago, in the right of every single woman to follow, or not, the prescribed path of marriage and motherhood, make her own reproductive choices, benefit from a high-quality education, have equal access to professional opportunities, be whomever she wants to be without being shamed. I am convinced that each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women. Ignoring a single gender discrimination is a step backwards. Equality won’t come all by itself. Each and every one of us, women and men, can and should contribute to the creation of a better world, a world where we

14

From Women to the World

are all equal, where girls and boys are safe to be whomever they want to be, where women and men lead fulfilling and exciting lives. It is time to tell a different story. With all my love, Your niece, Roula Azar Douglas Beirut, 4 September 2020

15

16

From Women to the World

To Zohra Moosa, Executive Director, Mama Cash From Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa, (Uganda)

“The helplessness I felt in that dark night, the loud cries I made for help to no response, the fact that I knew the adult man who was raping me, was someone supposed to protect me.” Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa is the Executive Director of Rape Hurts Foundation (RHF), a Ugandan NGO, which works extensively with women and at-risk children, child victims of sexual abuse, and survivors of domestic violence and other forms of gender-based violence. Hellen, a rape victim herself at the age of eleven, and her staff have connected survivors to emergency medical and psychosocial services and helped relocate survivors in imminent danger to safety. Hellen received one of the 2018 Trust Law Awards from the Thomson Reuters Foundation for the project Protecting Children in Uganda. Hellen was a nominee from Global Thinkers Forum in the category of “African Women Leaders”. Hellen worked with several partners, including Trust Law and Thomson Reuters Foundation, to create a children’s protection and safeguarding policy. Zohra Moosa is the Executive Director of Mama Cash. She is a passionate feminist activist who has been contributing to Mama Cash as Director of Programmes since 2013. Prior to that she was with Action Aid (UK) and the Fawcett Society, one of the oldest and best-known feminist organizations in the UK. Mama Cash is one of the world’s largest public funds that supports the rights of women, girls, trans and intersex people around the world.

The Letters

17

Greetings from Uganda. My name is Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa. I was born and raised in the Kamuli Busoga region in Eastern Uganda. I am now the Founder and Executive Director of a non-government organization called Rape Hurts Foundation (RHF). Allow me to share with you a personal story. A story, as you shall find out later, that taught me many lessons and keeps me going to create change and cause impact in Uganda. Tuesday, 25 July 1995 started like any other normal day in my life. I was 11 years old, I went to school and did my house chores, having no idea this was the day that would change my life forever. While returning on that moonless night from fetching water from the village-well, a man threw me down, pounced on me I will save you the details, but what I will tell you openly, though, is that rape hurts. Everything about rape, hurts so much. The helplessness I felt in that dark night, the loud cries I made for help to no response. The fact that I knew the adult man who was raping me was someone supposed to protect me. The fact that even after being raped I still feared to report the man who raped me to my polygamous father. The fact that on reporting the man who raped me my father did not only blame me for being raped but wanted me to get married to the man that hurt me so much. The many other facts I cannot mention here, all of them have created a lifelong trauma which I wish not any other woman or girl will experience. The feeling of being a victim but at the same time blamed by society, the feelings of vulnerability, fear, insecurity, and shame from within my soul, and from the environment around me: my home, my village, my school and my community. All this is what made rape hurt so much. Going through painful physical and emotional struggles after I was raped and observing the struggles many other rape victims undergo, changed me a lot. I developed a deeper interest in learning more about rape. The more I learned, the more the urge to do something about it grew in me.. That is how the organization Rape Hurts Foundation was born. I have learned that so many factors are the root cause of many things including early forced girl-child marriage, gender-based violence and human trafficking. Poverty is a big cause. When people are poor, they resort to traditional, evil and ancient cultural methods to make a living, which is why when I was raped, my father wanted to

18

From Women to the World

marry me off to the very man who had raped me. When locals are poor, they can’t afford to learn and widen their understanding about certain aspects of life. They can’t gain education or be challenged on certain lines of thinking. But, whenever something evil happens to you, just know there is somebody out there willing to help, stand with you, encourage and support you to overcome what has happened. In most cases that good Samaritan might not be easy to reach; in my situation it was my very own mother – Lillian Tanyinga, she stood against my father, she was beaten, threatened and they had to separate. My mother was sold off for a bride price and she became one of my father’s 12 wives. My mother wanted me to remain in school, and through begging and labouring on other people’s farm fields she managed to keep me at school. She is a strong woman, despite her poor education levels; she didn’t want her daughter to be uneducated. At 77 years now, she still advocates for rural women and girls. As a result of her struggles, I am proud to say that I am the first woman in my village to graduate with a Bachelor’s Degree from Makerere University Kampala in Uganda. I am proud today that from a traumatizing experience, and with support from good people I have been able to heal. Furthermore, I am promoting not only healing to other victims of rape, but how to prevent rape (or broadly gender-based violence, GBV) from happening to anyone else. Sadly, during the first two months of the Covid-19 crisis, Rape Hurts Foundation recorded 285 cases of child/teenage pregnancy, among 12-15 year old girls from the districts of Luuka and Kamuli, Busoga Sub Region Eastern Uganda. A whopping 77.4 per cent of the recorded confirmed cases are rape and some confessed it was incest. Some are being forced into childhood marriages because of the pregnancy. Abortion is illegal in Uganda and 98.2 per cent of cases are not willing to get the police involved because their families aren’t interested in cooperating since it will disturb the peace of the village. I have come to learn that you can always do something to make the world a better place. I strongly believe that whatever happens is a learning experience. In the past, it was believed that if you are a young girl and boys or men don’t touch your body as you walked on the streets then one isn’t beautiful. Rape was considered normal and women or girls hardly ever reported such to police or

The Letters

19

their parents. But times have changed. Now, we have gotten marital rape registered as a crime in Uganda. I have a vision, a vision where I see that all women and girls in Uganda are not married off into child forced marriages, where women and girls who are sexually abused get justice in a timelier manner. I want to see that no more women or girls are trafficked into sex slavery as I work towards the end of modern-day slavery. It was nice writing you this letter and hope it inspires you. Lots of love from Uganda. Best Regards, Hellen Lunkuse T. Waiswa Founder and Executive Director of Rape Hurts Foundation (RHF)

20

From Women to the World

To my Sister in Humanity, Angelina Jolie From Basma Alawee (Iraq/USA)

“I remember the moment Ali called me and told me we were leaving in two weeks. I was crying every night, sobbing in secret.” Basma Alawee is a wife, a mother of two, a humanitarian, a Muslim, an engineer, a teacher, a writer and an activist. She arrived in the United States in 2010 as a refugee. As she began rebuilding her own life, she quickly moved to action and volunteered for World Relief and Lutheran Social Services, two local resettlement agencies, helping other refugees with translation and with navigating the complex bureaucratic and cultural process of starting a new life in Jacksonville. Her work has been recognized internationally, regionally, and locally – most recently with a OneJax Humanitarian Award and the coveted EVE Award. Angelina Jolie is an Oscar-winning actress, movie director, humanitarian and global celebrity. In recent years, Jolie has moved into film production, acting as director, writer and producer. She has six children, three of whom are adopted. She serves in a capacity as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UNHCR.

The Letters

21

Dear Angelina Jolie, Dear my Sister in Humanity, Assalamu alaikum. Peace be upon you. I was 15 years old in 2001 when I saw a report about an actress whom I admired visiting a refugee camp in Tanzania. She had filmed a movie there and afterwards, donated $1 million to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to call attention to their plight. It was the largest donation UNHCR had ever received from a private individual, according to the news at that time! Angelina, that was you. At that moment, I began asking, who is the UNHCR? What does it stand for? What does the word refugee mean? As I started asking questions and finding answers, I became more and more impressed with you: a woman, an actress, and a humanitarian using her own platform and resources to support others she didn’t even know. I wanted to be another Angelina Jolie. What I didn’t realize was that soon I would be one of those millions of refugees you were advocating for, and that your leadership, empathy, and advocacy would inspire my own. My name is Basma Alawee and I grew up in Baghdad, Iraq. It’s a beautiful city. I had wonderful neighbors, a warm family, supportive parents. I enjoyed a rich culture and delicious food. My dad usually woke me up with Fairoz music and the scent of cardamom tea. I loved my school and had lots of friends. Though I was born in the middle of the war between Iraq and Iran, I don’t remember much about it. But I do remember the 1990 war between Iraq and Kuwait. I remember the darkness and the sound of the air raid sirens. I remember my mom’s prayers and gathering in one room as a family. And I remember when there was no war at all. I remember all the joy, the laughter, my school. I really appreciated my family, my friends, and my schoolmates. I appreciated every normal day. In 2003, I was excited because I was about to go to college. But then, yet another war started. And, that war – I believe, like all the wars that happened in Iraq – was without reason or justification. We were well prepared because we already knew what it was like to be in a war. My dad bought supplies and food, my brothers crossed all the windows with duct tape, and my mom put all her crystal and pottery into boxes. It’s like when we have hurricanes in Florida,

22

From Women to the World

but the difference is that in Florida we have the choice to escape. In Iraq, we were not allowed to leave the country. My sisters and I were so scared. We didn’t want to watch our loved ones die in front of us. But we persevered. I finished my B.S. degree in Material Engineering and married a wonderful man. I found my dream job and was happy because I still had my wonderful family around me. All of us supported each other. We were all either working or going to school, but underneath that normalcy, we were always at war. We would call each other every time we heard an explosion. It’s so hard to imagine a good day when you don’t know if your family is going to be able to meet at night and eat dinner together again. In 2010, our lives came under threat because my husband, Ali, was working with US companies in Iraq, trying to educate both sides about the differences between our cultures and trying to reduce the death toll. He believed in what he was doing, and I supported him. We loved our jobs, but we had to leave and seek refuge in the United States. To save ourselves, we had to leave behind our loved ones, without even being able to say goodbye to some of them. I remember my dad watching TV, watching the people leaving Iraq for many different reasons. He said he would rather die than be a refugee somewhere else. But when my dad heard that my husband and I were being threatened, he was the first to ask us to leave. The process of seeking asylum took more than a year, between the registration, interviews, UN referral, resettlement application, vetting, security screenings, fingerprint screenings, medical screenings, cultural orientation classes, agency matchups, and travel preparation. We were lucky. Some people spend years waiting, and many people give up, die, move elsewhere, or lose their cases. I remember the moment Ali called me and told me we were leaving in two weeks. I felt like I should have been happy that we were finally leaving, but instead, I was crying every night, sobbing in secret so my husband wouldn’t feel bad. I didn’t want to leave my family, my city, my friends, my work I was leaving behind a part of myself. When we arrived in the US, I finally understood what the word refugee really means. It’s when you wake up and you don’t hear the same music or smell your family’s food. It’s when you force yourself to smile as you walk down the street

The Letters

23

to prove you’re a nice person, not a stranger who people should be afraid of. It’s when people refuse to hire you because you are different, or think you are uneducated, or inferior, just because you’re from another country. It’s when you want a hug from your mom, but she is far across the ocean. It’s when you leave your country behind and are unable to return. It’s when you are persecuted due to race, religion, membership in a particular social group, or a political ideology. I’ve tried to change the definition of the word refugee, at least in my mind. Now I say a refugee is a person trying to belong to a community. I’ve started to convince myself to think positively and put down roots in my community. I’ve dedicated myself to volunteering, working, studying, and learning about my new home, the United States of America. There are 65 million refugees in the world today. Every minute, 24 people around the world are forced to flee their homes. That’s 34,000 people a day who leave everything behind in the hope of finding safety and a better tomorrow. I am one of them. And I am one of many. My dear Angelina, Your words have never left me when you said, “We cannot close ourselves off to information and ignore the fact that millions of people are out there suffering. I honestly want to help. I don’t believe I feel differently from other people. I think we all want justice and equality, a chance for a life with meaning. All of us would like to believe that if we were in a bad situation someone would help us.” I echo you when you say that refugees “should be commended for what they have survived, not looked down upon.” I hear you, and I live by those words. I eventually realized I needed to forget the past and support my fellow refugees around the world. I first started locally, supporting newcomers, but then I thought, this is not enough. Let’s do more. I learned how to be an advocate, and for that reason, I was selected in 2013 to be the Florida refugee delegate for the Refugee Congress, founded by the UNHCR. I remember in that moment my husband said: “Basma you are so close to meeting your heroes.” I paused for a moment and realized that you, Angelina, are the person who inspired me long ago and influenced me to learn and invest in our humanity – to invest in our communities and in the world as a whole. I have been wanting to connect and thank you. You not only influenced my path and career, but you

24

From Women to the World

made me a person who cares about others. That is why I started advocating for all refugees, not just the Iraqis or the Muslims or the Arabs. Angelina, while I have been in the United States advocating and helping new refugees to become advocates, you were in Iraq for the fifth time in 2018, visiting west of Mosul at Eid al Fitr. I was in tears with clenched fists, crying for the world to see what is happening. Yes, I am here, somewhat safe and calling Florida home, but people do not realize that refugees have many lives not fully lived, and many lost dreams. My two girls will never get the benefit of having my parents, who are teachers, teach them. The career I thought I would have, I will not have. The life I had hoped to live, did not happen. I was forced to keep moving on and forced to live another life. Now I struggle with memories: Some of them I wish I could erase and others I hope I will never forget. Angelina, I am now thirty-three years old, a mother, a wife, an activist, a former engineer, a former teacher, a writer, a Florida Refugee Organizer, a Florida refugee delegate, and on the boards of many NGOs who support the refugees. But most of all, I am a humanitarian, and it’s you, yes you, who helped shape and influence me. I have many stories to share with you and many feelings to express with you. You have been my mentor without you even knowing it. So, thank you, Angelina, for your humanitarian work, for your love and passion for others, for sharing the love and for making this world a better place for the next generation. As for the younger generation, I hope that other women, other refugees, find mentors to support them. To the younger generation, I say, always have a mentor, a good mentor, who you look up to. I had a great mother, so it wasn’t hard for me to look for one. I am privileged because of that. But you can look for good mentors. Trust other women and trust other girls. We always hear that the enemy of women is other women, but I don’t believe that. I always try to help other women and empower other women because we need each other. What’s helped me is being flexible. Having many disappointments has taught me that. Even when I got disappointed, I took advantage of every situation, different opportunities. For example, by volunteering for refugees, I learned how to work things out for my own family. I built connections and I built community, even by volunteering, because I took it as an opportunity to turn it into an advantage. I’m enhancing my life by learning new things. I always said I didn’t want to be a teacher, and I miss the

The Letters

25

career I was trained to do. But I’ve tried to take advantage of the opportunity to be a teacher here, and to see how it works. I educated myself, my kids, and other parents. I took advantage of it in every way, right away. I also think it’s important to be yourself, to represent yourself well. When I got here, I got pushback about my look, the accent, the hijab. My husband said, “It’s you, you can change you. You can take your hijab off, it will make you feel safer and accepted.” I decided, no, this is me. This is who I am. I’m not going to change myself to suit others. And I don’t look down on other women if they make different choices, because everybody is different and has to make their own choices. Growing up, I never trusted the future. I was raised with the saying, “Do for this life as if you live forever, do for the afterlife as if you die tomorrow.” From some point on, we stopped making future plans for vacations, work, weddings, and not even birthdays. Every time we planned something, we were hit by war or our streets by a car bomb, or a community or family member died. In 2003, I remember that I was planning for my high school graduation, but everything stopped when the war hit Iraq again. Similarly, in 2007, as I was planning for a wedding – the day that every girl dreams of – everything was canceled when a tragedy struck my family. The militia attacked and killed my uncle in his house with 16 shots, causing huge pain and trauma to our whole family. Despite the sadness, life continued. However, because of the unstable situation, my wedding was cancelled. I was still able to get married eventually but this time, it wasn’t planned out – just a small family gathering in the midst of the grievance. As humans, we forget our disappointments and we always want to hope for the best. Now, after several years, the global pandemic has reminded me of the fact that we should not take life for granted. I had many plans this year. I was planning to meet my mom in Turkey, to go to London for Athena40, hold many community events, and most important of all, I was about to launch WeaveTales, a Jacksonville-based non-profit organization that I co-founded last year to help refugees worldwide through storytelling. Only this time, it’s not just my plans; the whole world is on lockdown and quarantined just like me. I have become flexible enough to change plans and adapt while many people enjoy the time off with families. Using the quarantine to spend time with my family still seems distant to me given the difficult

26

From Women to the World

situations for refugees worldwide. Every day, I take overwhelmingly many calls from refugee communities not just in the US but also in Turkey, Iraq, and Africa. Covid-19 has impacted everyone but most severely, over 70 million displaced people globally. Their needs vary; feeling insecure, losing a home, being deported, losing legal protection, becoming homeless, losing healthcare, losing employment, and dealing with emotional triggers from having an unclear future. I know that I am more privileged than any refugee because I get to stay in a safe home with my family working and continuing my work from home when there are more than 70 million humans who do not even have the opportunity to stay home because simply: they do not have a HOME. Yours, Basma Alawee

27

28

From Women to the World

To my Daughter, Lara Karmel From Annabel Karmel MBE (UK)

“I just held her tiny little hand and told her over and over again how brave she was and how proud I was of her. Then, on the fifth day, the doctors told us that she wasn’t going to survive.” With expertise spanning almost three decades, London-born mother of three Annabel Karmel is the UK’s number 1 children’s cookery author, bestselling international author, and a world-leading expert on devising delicious, nutritious meals for babies, children and families. Since launching her revolutionary cookbook for babies in 1991 – a feeding “bible”, which has become the second bestselling non-fiction hardback of all time – Annabel has pioneered the way families all over the world feed their babies and children. Lara Karmel is a 29-year-old Londoner, who has been working at Karmel Foods for four years. She runs the digital side of the Annabel Karmel business, whilst also working with brand partners. She loves travelling, playing the violin, Woody Allen movies and Backgammon. Her real love is food and lives for discovering new restaurants around the world. She loves spending time with her family, close friends and her Maltipoo Cleo.

The Letters

29

Dear Lara, You are so incredibly precious to me. Twenty-nine years old and newly engaged, you have grown to be a spirited young woman; a beautiful being radiating warmth and positive energy. I could not be prouder of you. I got to watch you grow into the role of big sister, and to this day, I’m taken aback by the love you have for your younger sibling Scarlett; together you’ve made memories that will last forever, navigated life’s ups and downs and have become strong, entrepreneurial women. Your confidence and aspirations to succeed are quite incredible. You are my eldest daughter. But you were not my first daughter. Natasha would have been your older sister. She would have loved you just as you love Scarlett. But Natasha’s life was cut so short. So devastatingly short. I met your father at 22 and all I wanted was a family. It actually took us two years to conceive and finding out I was pregnant was one of the best moments of my life. My beloved daughter, Natasha, was born in August 1987 and she was perfect in every way. She had made me a mum and I felt utterly complete. Those first three months were total bliss. Then one day in October of that year, she just didn’t look right. I called the doctor, but he dismissed me as an over-cautious first-time mother. So I put her to bed, as the doctor had advised. When I got up the next morning I didn’t like the look of her at all so called for an ambulance. We went to St Mary’s, our local hospital, and they whisked her away for tests. The next day, they told us that Natasha was being transferred to Great Ormond Street Hospital. I travelled in the ambulance with her, but she quickly deteriorated. She was put on a ventilator, and for five painstaking days we sat by her side feeling totally helpless. I just held her tiny little hand and told her over and over again how brave she was and how proud I was of her. Then, on the fifth day, the doctors told us that she had encephalitis, a viral infection causing inflammation of the brain. She wasn’t going to survive. I was just numb. They removed all the wires and tubes and my beautiful little girl was placed in my arms. Nestled close to me, I sat with her for a couple of hours, just staring down at her in despairing adoration, and then she slipped away. My entire world fell apart in that instant. She was just 13 weeks old and

30

From Women to the World

no longer with us. Coming home without my baby was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had lost everything I treasured in life. Whilst I knew that nothing could ever replace Natasha, I yearned to be a mother, and mercifully, almost one year after Natasha’s passing, we welcomed your big brother, Nicholas, into the world. His entrance was somewhat dramatic. Following my doctor’s rather rash advice to stay at home, I found myself giving birth on the staircase, delivered by your father. That day heralded the birth of quite literally the world’s worst eater. Whilst Natasha’s illness wasn’t diet related, I was understandably cautious when Nicholas came along. I wanted to give him the very best foods. But, boy, did he put me through my paces! I struggled to find enticing recipes to encourage him and so set about devising my own. At the time, I ran a local playgroup and I soon had mums asking for my recipes. Surprising to say now, but my unique, healthy food combinations were pioneering, and with a little persuasion, I started compiling a cookbook for babies and toddlers. It would be a legacy to Natasha. A way of making sense and meaning of her short but treasured life. I set out to learn about all the latest research on child nutrition and develop recipes that were both nutritious and tasty. Darling Lara, you were born during the writing of this first book, and I couldn’t have been more blessed to have a second daughter. But having you didn’t slow me down. Quite the opposite in fact. Your arrival further fuelled my passion to support other families in some way. And you followed in your brother’s footsteps in the fussy food stakes, so I was well qualified! After being rejected by over fifteen publishing houses, my book – born out of grief and love and a passion for health and life – was finally published. But never in my wildest dreams did I foresee that this cookbook would be so successful and provide the basis of my business. The thing is, losing something so precious had a profound effect on me. It was so painful that I knew I needed to make sense of your big sister’s life in some way. You and Nicholas were catalysts in turning my life around. This devastating chapter of my life could have led me down a very dark path. But you both helped me to channel that overwhelming energy into something I was actually pretty good at. Helping others has grown into my mission. My calling. My never-ending quest to make Natasha’s life meaningful. Know this

The Letters

31

Lara, what you do for yourself dies with you but what you do for others, lives on. Looking back, experience has taught me that the opposite of success isn’t failure, the opposite of success is not trying. I can’t believe that I’ve gone from kitchen table to global stage with global cookbooks, award-winning retail food ranges, menus in the world’s largest hotels and leisure resorts and an incredible digital following with a bestselling recipe app. Lara, you are to thank for so much of this. And having you now working with me to sow the seeds that grew from that very first book gives me so much pleasure. My lesson to you? Life rarely goes as planned. Things happen – big and small, good and bad. There will always be bumps in the road, so it’s about having the courage to navigate them without being pushed off course. When things don’t go as planned, it’s easy to become filled with self-doubt. Am I good enough? Should I have taken that risk? Should I just give up now? What will set you apart is your determination to pick yourself up and bounce back. Building my business has taken passion and resilience. I had found a niche in cooking for babies and children. Or maybe it found me! I knew I was onto something, and with research and a hunger to succeed, I stayed strong and focused. Remember that thriving isn’t about avoiding obstacles – it’s about what you do when you get to them. The “why” you do something is so important. It drives you on when thing don’t go as planned. This year you will be married and one day have a family of your own. Just as I did, you will hold that beautiful baby in your arms and feel a surge of love like no other. But remember, you, and only you, are in control of your journey. Only you know what will enable you to thrive and feel “alive”. I don’t want you to walk my footsteps. I want you to feel your own passion and create a path in life and your career that will be your own. And remember, it’s ok to feel out of your comfort zone at times; or to not always know if you are making the right decisions and the likelihood is, there will be mistakes. But the important thing Lara is that you are making them for yourself. You’ve got to figure out what you love, who you really are and have the courage to do that. I believe the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams. But please know this, you are never alone. Everyone grows stronger with the right people by their side and I am here to guide you. So many people close to

32

From Women to the World

you want to help you to thrive, so pick your team and lean on them for support. In my experience, women, particularly mothers, tend to be afraid to ask for help. The saying “It takes a village” gets thrown around all the time, but often pride, stubbornness or fear of failure gets in the way. Allow yourself to accept help without seeing it as a defeat. No one should ever travel a career or life path alone, and you have been there at every step of my journey. Natasha will always be the one who made me a mum; the one who taught me what it means to love someone unconditionally and the one who showed me the definition of a bond between a mother and her child. But it is you, Nicholas and Scarlett who have since shaped me into the best version of myself. You will always be the ones who saved my life. You’ve taught me how to be selfless and how to be strong so that I could reach for the seemingly unreachable. Thank you for helping me to build a legacy that has brought meaning to Natasha’s short life. Thank you for teaching me that though parenting isn’t always easy, it’s always worth it. I love you forever and always. Mum. Annabel Karmel

33

34

From Women to the World

To Margaret Garner, the Woman who Murdered her Daughter From Muna AbuSulayman (Saudi Arabia)

“I will not be the silent observer, the reader, who merely watches the capture of a beautiful soul, or the destruction of another.” Muna AbuSulayman is consistently recognized as one of the most influential Arabs in the world in various publications due to a unique and diverse cross-sector 20-year work experience. Internationally recognized as an expert in Management, Education, Sustainable Development, and Women’s Empowerment, she has spoken at the World Economic Forum, the UN and The World Bank, on using innovation to alleviate poverty, gender, and building communities. The former Founding Secretary General of the Alwaleed Bin Talal Foundation. She is also the first Saudi woman to become a regional TV personality. Her show Kalam Nawa’em has been ranked number one across the Arab World for 15 years in a row. In January 1856, Margaret Garner – an enslaved woman on a Kentucky plantation – ran with members of her family to the free state of Ohio. As slave catchers attempted to capture the fugitives in Cincinnati, Garner cut the throat of her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter to prevent her return to slavery. Toni Morrison first imaginatively treated Margaret Garner’s infanticide in her Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Beloved (1987).

The Letters

35

Dear Margaret Garner, You slit your 2-year-old daughter’s throat when the slave hunters finally caught up with you, hiding in a small cabin on the way to Ohio, a free state in 1850. Her name was Mary, she was your eldest, the one who knew something was wrong as you were running, while the two babies slept. You, plastered with sweat, a 22-year old mother of 3 children produced from repeated rapes by your master, knew what the hunters would do. Anything, anything was preferable to letting Mary live the same life you did: subjugated, enslaved, raped. If she was not free, death was better. And so, you killed her, took her life with her looking at you. Trusting you to make the best choice for her. I first learned your story when I read Beloved by Toni Morrison, the first African American woman to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. The horror of what you went through made a deep impression on me. The courage, pain, and reality of abused women’s lives crystalized in a way that was inexplicable to me, also a 22-year-old mother, but carefree and studying English literature at the time. I am not you, Margaret nor am I your daughter Mary, but I also will not be the silent observer, the reader, who merely watches the capture of a beautiful soul, or the destruction of another. While reading and commiserating as a mother, something changed in me. For a mother to kill her child, to see her daughter die in front of her, was of such horror. No other story had affected me as much. No other story had as much impact on the way I understood what love means, and the importance of human dignity. As my life shifted from teaching to other impact-orientated work, that story remained seminal in the way I chose which opportunities I took, how I interacted with those opportunities and how I worked with others. Perhaps only living through Covid-19, seeing the “new normal” where, for the very first time in history, the world was on lockdown against an invisible enemy, where love and fear and duty came to prominence in such a way that moves one, is close to changing one’s perception of the world. We are all, in the end, humans with various degrees of privilege. We bleed, get hurt, and overcome. We love, we rejoice, and we soar. And we, in moments of extremes, might do desperate violent acts out of kindness, fear, or love. Killing Mary was not murder but love. Staying inside of our homes was not fear but love for others. The power of stories and their influence in my life is unmatched except by my faith. The visionaries in today’s world are the

36

From Women to the World

writers, artists and movie makers. Their ability to help people understand lives they have not lived. With words, brushes and cameras they paint a collage of emotions waiting for an unsuspecting student or passer-by to suck them into a different world where they can, if they are lucky, also learn about themselves. For some, like me, words are to be taken out of narratives to become actions and plans. In my late twenties, I became the storyteller of others’ stories on my TV show, Softly Speaking. It became the number one social impact show in the Arab world, and which ran for 17 years – a record unmatched by any other show in the Middle East. When I faced the camera and looked into the eyes of my audience via a lens and across miles of cables, I connected to them to tell them other people’s stories that inform their own. To give them choices, ideas, ways of thinking about things, and information to help them make good decisions. Ultimately, for them to live better lives through the choices they made for themselves. And so it became part of my job, in all the various forms it took from a college teacher, to a storyteller cum social change maker on TV, to a CEO of a major foundation, to an entrepreneur and impact investor, to lift others in the different ways I could with the tools I had at the moment. The jobs had different titles, the years I spent in each varied, but the mission was the same. The path for any change is long in the beginning, with bumps and detours. As you become successful more opportunities open up for you and you are able to choose where to spend your energy and your time. And you find your tribe and allies that join you on your journey. All my jobs had an element of service and impact in them. Each one teaching me a different way to see the world of business and how decisions are made from different stakeholder positions. I’ve enjoyed them, even though many times they exhausted me. The travel, the late nights, the hustling, the fundraising, and the disagreements across multiple time zones and cultures. Each time I shifted to a different opportunity it was to accommodate a deep desire to learn how to do things differently. Sometimes things worked out, sometimes they did not, but I always continued. An important motivator to continue my work is my two daughters and the world they will inherit. Not only to help open more doors to them professionally, or to increase their knowledge, but also to help create a world where it looks after their emotional well-being as well as their productivity.

The Letters

37

But my path, like many others, was also filled with failures. Failure to communicate, failure to love, failure to execute a plan successfully. With failures, the first one is always the hardest. It is the moment when you have to ruthlessly deal with the reasons a project, a relationship, or a beloved idea failed and figure out your part in that failure. A confrontation of the ego. To assess yourself in a way that strips the ego. Without that you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, you can’t grow as a person or in business. There is a proverb that says, “Life keeps teaching you the same lesson until you learn it.” My divorce and failing at my first company had many things in common. They occurred roughly 10 years apart. And yet both had an element of “must stay and fight in the ring no matter what.” Even when all the signs said I should bail out. I failed to listen fully to my partners telling me about problems or picking up the hints that the problems were deeper than originally thought. My ego would not let me give up. When I finally admitted failure, I realized part of it was the difficulty of accepting that I could fail. Failure is not easy, but it is your choice whether to drag the process of acknowledging your failure or shorten it and move beyond it. And now in my fifth decade in life, having built and invested in many companies, sat on boards, saw economic cycles and trends, worked in many different fields from education to media to philanthropy and consulting; having survived a crisis of confidence in my leadership; having built a company with my ex-husband 18 years after our divorce; having been listed on many “Most Powerful” lists; having become a part of the caregiving team for my 84-year-old father suffering from dementia; having reconnected with my faith on a deeper level that comes with maturity; having all that . . . I have learned a few things. I have learned that you can never stop learning. That having a mentor and a coach are invaluable for managing the tough and good times in your life. That strong professional women networks and friendships will help you navigate a lot of difficulties at work and at home. That as long as you are ethical, nothing ever is as bad as it seems. But also keep the records. That if you don’t work on aligning your priorities with your life, you will be miserable. That you must truly choose what you want to expand your energy on. That learning what truly motivates you and moves you is essential to being happy. That the power of the word and art is of increasing importance in an increasingly isolated world whether that isolation is through technology or by an airborne virus.

38

From Women to the World

But, I’ve also learned that love is truly the most powerful motivator in the world. To love yourself, to love your family, to love others and want the best for them. There is no better fate than love. Lovingly, Muna AbuSulayman

39

40

From Women to the World

To My Mother, as a Metaphor for All Women in my Family From Yasmine Al Massri (France/Lebanon)

“Why did they go to the battle mother? What poisoned your milk mother?” Yasmine Al Massri is an international actress and human rights advocate who lives between Los Angeles, Paris and Beirut. She recently guest starred in Law and Order’s most acclaimed episode tackling the Harvey Weinstein scandal. From a Palestinian father and an Egyptian mother, Al Massri was born and raised in Lebanon, before moving to Paris at the age of twenty to study. Al Massri’s first big break as an actress was in the award-winning Lebanese film Caramel, written and directed by Nadine Labaki. At the 2007 Cannes Film Festival, it received great critical acclaim and went on to be the most successful Arab film to date. Al Massri spent her formative years being recognized as a refugee in the country she knew as her home.

The Letters

41

My mother is a metaphor to everything I grew up with and every woman who has the chance to stop the war. This is to my mother – He’s just a boy mother! He has a gun mother! Help! Help me! A stranger is raping my mother! And my sister . . . And my daughter . . . Why did you cover your hair mother? Why aren’t you fighting for me mother? They rape little girls you always warned me mother, They rape their wives too . . . They burned my toys mother They burned yasmeen and aladin’s faces mother They bombed the ice cream truck mother They broke the windows of my classroom mother They keep coming back mother Bombs, bombs, more bombs . . . Bombs, bombs, more bombs . . . Bombs, bombs, more bombs . . . We’re falling, And I am scared Women screaming, Louder than the wounded . . . The Dying . . . young . . . . old . . . humans . . . animals, my friend, My dreams mother They silenced my songs mother Let me run fast and jump on that bullet mother! Let me ride it mother! Let go of me, I wanted to say Let me die! let me die! let me die! So I can hear you scream no more! But I got scared of saying . . .

42

From Women to the World

I am scared to close my eyes and sleep Mother! Please don’t cry mother Did you ever fall in love mother? You got pregnant of us mother, Why you get pregnant of us mother? Why they scare you mother? Why do you curse them mother? For our sons, Our husbands, Our fathers, Our brothers, You teach us to be the sacrifice mother. Why? Who betrayed us mother? Are we bad people mother? Why did they go to the battle mother? What poisoned your milk mother? I want to go back to school, But I lost the road mother I want to go to bed But I hear them scream in my head, All the time mother, Where are the bombs coming from? I can still hear you look mother Where are the children? Who is singing on the radio? You asked me mother You always wanted that red lipstick He never let you mother, I want to dance mother . . . I want you to touch my face mother . . . Why did you bring me here mother? Why did you leave me here mother? Please take me back mother Hit these percussions for my mother! Hit these percussions for my mother to dance . . .

The Letters

43

Hit these percussions for my mother to cry . . . Hit these percussions for me to hear my mother laugh . . . Hit them for my mother to shout . . . Hit them for my mother to pray . . . Hit these percussions for my mother And ask her to walk to the window and tell them Why she sent me away from her on boat that will never go back home to Mother. I still can smell the food you cooked mother Tell them to watch out To your mother you said Watch out To your father you said Watch out To your wife you said Watch out To your sister your said Watch out To your daughter you said Watch out! watch out! watch out! What about me mother? You died in that war mother You baked that bread mother But still hungry you were mother. Too tired . . . you’re still mother To sleep you want mother Please wake me up like you always did mother Every day at 4 in the morning, I will get up mother, And for him I will cut an apple And as long as I live, I will hear you say Let him eat and shut up so we can sleep mother. Don’t give him the apple until he drops the gun. But He’s just a boy mother!

44

From Women to the World

To Athena, as the Younger Anousheh From Anousheh Ansari (Iran/USA)

“I thought by now we would not be concerned with one’s gender, religion, or ethnicity. But here we are. Though we have made some progress, the prejudices persist.” Anousheh Ansari is CEO of XPRIZE, the world’s leader in designing and operating incentive competitions to solve humanity’s grand challenges. She captured international headlines by embarking upon an 11-day space expedition, becoming the first woman private space explorer, first astronaut of Iranian descent, first Muslim woman in space, and fourth private explorer to visit space. Her memoir, My Dream of Stars, aims to share her life story as inspiration for young women around the world Athena is the Olympian goddess of wisdom and war and the adored patroness of the city of Athens the capital of Greece. Majestic and stern, Athena surpassed everybody in both of her main domains. In fact, even Ares the God of War feared her; and all Greek heroes asked her for help and advice.

The Letters

45

My Dear Athena, As I begin to write this letter, I close my eyes for a minute, imagining myself in your seat as you approach the surface of Mars after nearly 7 months – travelling through the cold, dark space between our blue and vibrant world and this mesmerizing red planet that has captured human curiosity for so many decades. I wonder if your thoughts were on the past or the future? Were you thinking of when and if you would return home or were you energized by the thought that you would be the first woman – no, the first human – to step foot on another planet? Wow! How would that feel? Do the accolades even matter to you or, like me, are you simply drawn to the infinite possibility that exploring another planet represents? You must feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. After all, it wasn’t easy to get selected. I remember reading about all the difficult tests that you had to go through. I know you insisted that there be no special accommodation for you as a woman candidate. You were the only woman who made it to the final selection round. It is amazing to me that after all these years and all of the amazing feats achieved by women, that we still surprise people with our accomplishments. I know you had to work twice as hard, be twice as accomplished and talented – just to make it there. I thought by now we would not be concerned with one’s gender, religion, or ethnicity. But here we are. Though we have made some progress, the prejudices persist. With so many eyes on you, I’m sure you feel like you cannot fail. After all, you think you have something to prove to the world – that you are worthy to be there on Mars and represent humanity. I know because I have been there, not on Mars, but it felt like it – as alien and unkind. I have been “the one” in the room where everyone was questioning what I was doing there. I have been “the one” who people watched from the corner of their eyes and then whispered something to the person next to them. I might as well have been from Mars! But to be honest with you, I never paid much attention to it as I had something grander – something far more interesting – in sight. I had always looked up and set my sights on the stars and their brilliance and the awe they inspired in me, and that made me blind to everything else around me. Our imagination and curiosity are the most precious gifts we have as human beings. When we put them to good use, so

46

From Women to the World

many great things happen. We discover new things, we invent new tools, we build amazing things that change the course of our lives and of humanity. It always escaped me why we so easily fall back into accepting the status quo and why we don’t push to discover new boundaries. I guess we get scared. I know I have experienced fear in my life as you have too. It is a crippling feeling that makes you do things you don’t want to do, or it makes you stand still and not take action. It is the hardest thing we must overcome. You once quoted Nelson Mandela, one of my heroes saying: “May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” I love this quote because I believe we do so much more when we have hope. Hope is what has kept me moving forward when life kept throwing me curve balls. I kept imagining each new sunrise bringing with it new hope for change toward a better day, a better future. Sometimes it did and sometimes it left me hoping again for the next day. I have lived an interesting life. One lesson I learned from those who have pushed the boundaries – people just like you – is that life is what you make of it. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the challenges we face and to take the easy road to stay in the lane that others have made for us and not to venture into the unknown. But easy is not how you want to describe your life when you tell your story to your granddaughter. It is easy not to try anything risky, but would we ever know what we are capable of if we don’t try? I have learned that nothing is worse than regret in life. I read in your interview that you believe in living life one day at a time and treating each day as precious time that is not repeatable when it’s gone. I hope I lived my life like this. My hope – now that you are representing the human race on this historical moment in our history, maybe, just maybe, our society would change once and for all. Maybe no one would question what a woman should or shouldn’t do. Maybe your granddaughter would not have to work twice as hard to prove herself. All of this because of you. Because of your sacrifices and hard work. Because you didn’t give up and you didn’t give in! As the first human on Mars, you must have ignored all the people who told you that you are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough or that you are too this or too that, that you cannot or should not. Well you can and you

The Letters

47

did and here you are! Further than anyone has ever travelled – planting a flag representing our race, finding answers to mysteries that have occupied our minds, and representing and courageously forging new frontiers for human exploration. Anousheh

48

From Women to the World

To my Daughter, Ashtar Muallem From Iman Aoun (Palestine)

“The feeling that all our lives are at stake, hopefully, might make a difference in how the world observes injustice.” Iman Aoun is an actress, director and dramaturg. She has an extensive record on stage, on screen, and behind the scenes. She was a member of the worldrenowned El-Hakawati Theatre Company from Jerusalem, in the 1980s. In 1991, Iman co-founded ASHTAR for Theatre Productions and Training in Jerusalem and has been instrumental in directing and devising several productions for the company. In 2020, Iman was one of the finalists of the Gilder/Coigney International Theatre Award by the League of Professional Theatre Women. Ashtar Muallem is a Palestinian multidisciplinary artist born in Jerusalem in 1990. A graduate of the Centre National des Arts du Cirque in France in 2011, Ashtar specialized in the aerial silk discipline and in contortion. In her own pieces, Ashtar combines her circus knowledge with dance and theatre, and as a performer she has worked and continues to work with well-established companies across Europe such as Les Ballets C de la B in Belgium, Cirkus Cirkör in Sweden, Le Main de l’Homme in France, and ASHTAR Theatre in Palestine.

The Letters

49

My dear soul mate, Life puts us in testing positions, that often are hard to avoid. It is our choice to accept them, benefit from them, feel challenged, or unmotivated to deal with them. Life also provides us with gifts and glories that we need to cherish and protect. You are the most precious gift of life I have received. Since your birth, I have looked at you as my friend, my soul mate and my daughter. You and I are descendants of a strong female lineage who embroidered love and resistance, while breastfeeding us trust and honesty. We grew in a house led by women; our grandmothers were our heroes. They fascinated us. They were great storytellers and through their eyes we identified who we are. We belong to a country that gets very dry in summer and very wet in winter. We grew by an olive grove that taught us how to pick and prick. We live in a neighbourhood filled with church bells that ring with joy and pride and mosques that praise God all day long. Our childhoods were filled with games and wars. We carry our Canaanite bone-marrows and worship our lost Goddesses. Like autumn leaves, we kept dying every autumn and resurrect every spring. That is why we never accepted defeat and were always able to rise, despite the pain and agony of our shredded country and crushed homeland. I’m addressing you in this letter, because after three decades of our prolific relationship, you are now galloping in your world of maturity and creativity, teaching me while still learning from my life experience. Growing up, you were always a child that wanted to be under the spotlight. You understood what art could do for you, and how much it would help you. Art was your motivation and salvation that helped you overcome the extreme life conditions of occupation: house attacks, checkpoints, curfews, humiliation, and oppression. Similarly, through art, especially theatre, I was able to maintain my reason and common sense, as a mother and mentor watching over my biological and non-biological children, protecting them from physical and emotional pain. In 1991, while at your age, I established ASHTAR Theatre, named after my favored goddess of love and war – a dichotomy that I grew living. I also gave you that same first name, because It was a continuous desire within me to create and surround myself with love and harmony; love is the ultimate energy which brings us closer to the Om and makes us more humane. To manifest my vision, I had to delve into my inner self and draw my own power. More so, I

50

From Women to the World

had to research the history of my land and ancestors, that led me to recognize my origins and treasure mythology which formed the base of my knowledge. I also discovered how big the forgeries are and how deliberate destructions were committed against our ancestral narration. I was saddened yet inspired to unveil that history, protect it and present it to the world through my theatre work. This affection had found its way to your artistic endeavors as well. Today, as we are all stuck at home, due to the coronavirus pandemic, it reminds me of the curfew we lived through in 2002, in Ramallah, when the Israeli occupation reinvaded the West Bank and occupied our building, housearrested us and imposed a curfew on the city for forty days. Much like today, back then we were forbidden from leaving our homes and had to use ambulances to go shopping! I shall never forget how you and your brother used to hide under your beds when the Apache Helicopters flew over our rooftop. Growing with such trauma, left its scar on your personality and shaped your revolting spirit. I had to cultivate hope in your mind, nourish your artistic being to keep your equilibrium and emancipate your soul, and guide you through the difficult pathways of life filled with barbed wires, and road bumps. Back then, Palestine was facing such atrocities all alone, your younger brother used to say: “how strange is the world, don’t they see us?!” A metaphor still accurate today. This time around, we are not alone; the whole world is sharing the same situation. The current pressures to stay safe that we are experiencing, and the feeling that all our lives are at stake, hopefully, might make a difference in how the world observes injustice and becomes more empathetic towards Palestine. Injustice in my country made me more determined not only to look for my own artistic development and merit – turn my back on my people and pursue opportunities abroad, rather, stimulated me to carry a mission and work hard to implement it. This changed my life and yours. My determination was to create a platform for those who did not have a chance to express themselves, nourish their dreams and enhance their imagination. I wanted to open up a window for youth in my country, to experience freedom of speech and choice; to think of beauty in the middle of the ugly destruction, to utilize fantasy when reality was continuously deceiving them, break their fears while society keeps producing taboos that hinder their desires. Most of all, I wanted our society to transform from the state-of-mind of despondency to activism.

The Letters

51

This vision drove me to work with our youth in Gaza in 2010 on The Gaza Monologues project. The feeling of impotence I felt during the war in Gaza in 2009; being a few kilometers away and not able to protect my students and colleagues, urged me to find a way to fight such atrocity. Similarly, today, we have the feeling that we are all very small in the face of this invisible virus that stopped the flow of our lives and diminished our colossal power and supremacy over the planet. At that time, I was inspired by Augusto Boal’s words “Theatre is a weapon and it is the people who should wield it.” Theatre of the Oppressed became my tool to reach out to my people, to release their fears and provide them with a voice and a platform to tell their stories to the world, and through the transformative power of storytelling I hoped to instill within them the passion for change-making, despite their limited control over reality. Together with my colleagues in Gaza, we worked with thirty-three young children who survived the war to write their testimonies and perform them. Their stories became The Gaza Monologues, that were adapted into eighteen languages and performed in thirty-six countries by thousands of young people. In November 2010, twenty-two of those performers from different countries around the world, joined our plea to present The Gaza Monologues for the United Nations Assembly in New York. The project aimed at creating a strong solidarity from youngsters around the world with the Gazans who, 10 years later, are still living under siege. Facing the Covid-19 epidemic, while the whole world is now besieged, drives me to think that real change cannot occur while the same political and economic structures are controlling the world. It is time to find new systems based on our natural relation to mother earth in order to save our humanity. Hence, it is certainly difficult to live with the feelings of fear and isolation which we are experiencing during this pandemic. Those feelings are capable of consuming our soul, preventing us from discovering ways of resilience. Yet again, art has proven itself to be a medium that helps people in times of crises. We are seeing artists around the world using their art as an outlet to create comfort and hope. In this case, hope becomes a way to protect reason, but hope alone is insufficient if not accompanied by action. To act, is a verb that we need to nourish intellectually, and develop as means to extinguish frustration from the continuous political and social injustice. To become action orientated, we

52

From Women to the World

need to keep our critical thinking stimulated, our consciousness alive and become vectors of change. Although live performances are not able to happen these days, theatre remains the art of creation and re-creation, formation and transformation, whether live or virtual as is the case during this quarantine. Theatre provides us the luxury of observing ourselves and others while depicting in-depth the essence of life. It allows us to contemplate when we learn about characters and behaviors, teaches us to accept and cherish differences, unveils manipulative situations and provides us with examples to deal with them. It stimulates our boldness and develops our empathy. Theatre is the art that depends on conflict to create harmony; thus, it is what politicians should learn, in order to nurture life. Through theatre real dialogue is established, consciousness and awareness fostered. Theatre generates critical debates around politics, religion, social norms, and human behaviors, it challenges audiences to think and act purposefully. Now more than ever, I tell you my daughter, practice life as if it is a play that you are writing, not just performing in it. Keep your vision clear, your brain alive, and always listen to your heart. Life is a gift that we must protect. Iman Aoun Palestine, 5 May 2020

53

54

From Women to the World

To my Mother, Audrey Smith From Emma Bache (UK)

“Trapped in an era of conformity, of drudgery and misogyny, you were the strongest, the brightest, the bravest of them all.” Since 1989 Emma Bache has worked as a graphologist analysing handwriting for both the corporate and private sectors, building up an enviable client list which over the years has included members of the aristocracy and celebrities. Emma has had her own columns in The Times and The Financial Times analysing leaders such as Rupert Murdoch, Sir Richard Branson, Sir Philip Green and many of our top industrialists, bankers and entrepreneurs. More unusual cases have led her to analyse some controversial characters such as Saddam Hussein. Audrey Smith was born in Staffordshire in 1923 and attended Cheltenham Ladies’ College. She left school mid-World War Two and went into the Wrens and worked in signals. After the war she went to London and worked as a fashion model before marrying a surgeon in the Midlands. She gave up her modelling career to have three daughters, the youngest of whom was Emma. She dedicated her life to her family before dying of pancreatic cancer in 1991.

The Letters

55

My Dearest Mother, Please forgive my somewhat archaic and formal start to my letter but we have neither spoken nor seen each other in nearly 30 years. I look back on my childhood, so very long ago now, with increasing affection but perhaps rosetinted spectacles. All the poignant and truly happy days that I recall always had you as part of them. The simple pleasures, ice cream sodas and egg mayonnaise sandwiches (that you hated) that were part of our shopping trips. Watching you do your hair and make-up and even watching the mesmerizing plume of smoke from your endless cigarettes. I can remember your smell and the hot salty tears when you left me at the school gates. I wasn’t an only child but my sisters, so much older, so much more sophisticated and so much more loved than me – you told me so on several occasions – seemed remote and rarely at home. It was so often just us two. There were bad times, fading now – the secrets and lies, the charade we both played out when my father was clearly dying. I heard him tell you that he had a short time to live but I was too embarrassed, too frightened of my emotions, your emotions to admit that I had heard such a confession and what was sure to be the end of my childhood. Those months were agony for me as you sent me back to the boarding school, I hated knowing that I would not see him again. You didn’t come to pick me up when he died. I still, at the age of 56, cry copiously at the memory. The continuation of the secrets, darker now, more dangerous still lie heavy on my pillow. I forgive you. The sharp words, the criticisms, the withholding of affection when I needed it most, the betrayals of motherly love. I forgive you. You were and are still a woman of extremes, but those extremes were necessary. I was too young to recognize them for what they were – courage, determination, survival and an ability to overcome the very darkest that life can throw at you. I longed for your love but didn’t know how to ask for it. I think you felt the same. You wounded me in order for me to become stronger. You were a daughter, wife, sister, mother who suffered from the accident of time. Trapped in an era of conformity, of drudgery and misogyny, you were the strongest, the brightest, the bravest of them all. How could I know what had gone before you and what was to come? I have forgiven you and I now ask for your forgiveness. The casual cruelties of not visiting you enough when you were alone, of being impatient with you, not

56

From Women to the World

helping you when you had so little time left. When you were dying, I left you to die alone in your hospital bed – or did you wait until I had left? Would you have lived another night, another week if I hadn’t left? So many questions to ask you. Please forgive me. Thirty years later – you wouldn’t recognize me! I’m getting old now, physically quite changed and so much has happened. Divorced from the man you loved so much, reunited with the career that you mocked. You would not mock me now – I am successful, in demand and I have had my first book published. The glory dimmed for want of motherly praise, but I have done these things, worked hard for these things and fought tooth and nail for these things because I have matured into the best parts, and a few of the worst parts of you. I am argumentative but prefer to call myself steadfast. I am stubborn but prefer to call myself determined. I am provocative but prefer to call myself inspiring. I am so lucky when you were not. I was born during a revolution for women – we are not afraid to keep our careers, our money, our self-respect. I have been the object of ridicule and bullying, of misogyny and woman haters. They still lurk at every corner of my life and I am alone but strong and am never afraid to fight for justice and to show up the wrong doings of others. I have inherited these traits from you, your legacy lives within me. Everything I thought I disliked about you, I now inhabit and gladly. There is one thing, in fact two things I must tell you about. My greatest achievement, my greatest joy. I am a mother. I know that you told me that I would never have children because I was too selfish, too interested in my career. You were wrong, so wonderfully wrong. Two children, both successful and happy, strong and opinionated. You would love them with an intensity that you never felt for me, but I would have been happy with that. I am happy with that now. My daughter, your granddaughter, my goodness what would you think? What would you say to her now? 23, all grown up. Beautiful and so, so strong. Wilful and stubborn, clever and talented. An artist like you. Perhaps you would feel a twinge of envy for the Art College that was denied you, the opportunities and the people that she has met and the adventures that she is encountering on the journey. She has your strength and your sense of humour. She is a life force. I so wish you could meet my children and they so want to meet you. I tell them all about you, just the good bits, the little things that are so important now and that have made me who I am and the DNA that is shaping them. I see you all

The Letters

57

the time, but you don’t see me. A look, an expression, a turn of phrase from a stranger but I know it’s you. You talk to me in my head when I am lost for words (not often!) or lost for company (sadly often). You are there when I wake up and when I fall asleep. You are still in my dreams, not ill or sad but how you wanted to be, a loving mother and an inspirational woman. I don’t fight you now and we have the best discussions and laughter. I cannot pretend that the modern world that you missed out on is an easy one. It is not for wimps. We celebrate narcissism, inconsequential achievements, dismiss kindness and care, we are essentially selfish isolated individuals. I do my best and I am not perfect, but I am so much better than the person that you knew all those years ago. I am wiser now and a little grouchy, but kinder and funnier. I think you may have guessed that I am asking for your approval, your love and your permission to be myself but also to be the daughter that you longed for. We need to stick together you and I; we are so much stronger as a team. Please say that I have your approval Mummy, because I want to continue on my journey with you by my side. Your very loving daughter, Emma

58

From Women to the World

To One of the World’s Greatest Cellists Jacqueline du Pré From Silvia Chiesa (Italy)

“Knowing that there was still discrimination between men and women musicians, made me realise that I would somehow have to do something myself through my musical contribution to establish equal opportunity for all.” The cellist Silvia Chiesa is among the most prominent Italian performers on the international scene, with a long list of concerts and recordings. During an intense career she has developed a very personal style that combines a strong originality of repertoire choices with the refined passionate nature of her interpretations. Her contribution to the relaunch of the Italian twentieth-century solo repertoire was decisive. With the pianist Maurizio Baglini she can count more than 250 concerts all over the world, with a vast duo repertoire. One of the world’s leading cellists, Jacqueline du Pré was born in Oxford on 26 January 1945. Her musical prowess became quickly apparent. She started to live with multiple sclerosis at the age of 26, when at the height of her fame. Her illness forced her to stop performing at the age of 28. She lost her battle at age 42, in 1987.

The Letters

59

Dear Jacqueline du Pré, Since my childhood – I was only six – I’ve dreamed of meeting you. You had been the greatest cellist and my inspiring muse, when the cello was still a kind of game for me. Over time, I realized that I could aspire to the role of music performer and I always said that I would do it only if I could manage to approach music with the purity, the instinct and the great personality and professionalism that I saw in you. I was a child when I used to look for some pictures and portraits of you or something that talked about you in books about my instrument. I watched your videos dreaming about becoming a real cellist myself: I listened to your legendary interpretation of Elgar’s Concerto thousands of times! I even looked at your movements on stage and I must confess that I also carefully watched the dresses you wore. I saw you as a princess at the centre of the scene, embraced by the orchestra musicians. I was impressed by the grace of your movements and the spontaneity of your gestures, and the incomparable ease you with which you played the instrument made me literally incredulous. You passed away far too soon, you were only 42, and who knows how much you suffered because of the multiple sclerosis that took you away. But not even this long and terrible disease managed to keep you away from music: you continued to the end of your life to play, teach and gift the world with your sublime art. Your music came straight to my heart: I could recognize your sound among hundreds of cellists. I dreamed I could play for you . . . I wanted you to be present at my graduation, when I played well but I didn’t get as a high mark as some of the other students. During my life this then made me feel somewhat uncomfortable, until I saw that those same students, who had graduated with me, had for some reason stopped playing the cello: a lack of motivation, ambition and ideas. So, I immediately looked for my own path: after winning a competition, I was invited to teach as a cello teacher at the conservatory. I was only eighteen and when I arrived at school, to sign some paperwork and contract formalities, the secretaries greeted me saying: “The professor hasn’t arrived yet, we are waiting for her too!” Embarrassed, I said that it was I they were waiting for, but the hardest thing for me was to convince students of the same age as me that I was the professor and that they had to trust me and have faith in my expertise, despite my young age.

60

From Women to the World

Alongside teaching, I aspired to a life of chamber music concerts: I was part of the Italian Trio with which I had my first experience of coexistence and the sharing of human factors, as well as musical factors, typical of chamber music. My musical pathway took a turn when I met the person I decided to marry. A musician, a conductor: a strange coincidence, isn’t it, dear Jacqueline?! So, my musical life began to veer a little from the path I had initially imagined, but I did so of my own free will; however, I suffered in my heart for having had to make the choice to put my career substantially on the backburner. I lived those years looking for a balanced life, hoping to find it. The recurring question I asked myself was this: is married life between two musicians possible if there isn’t a perfect balance in the professional sphere? Back then I never found the answer, but now I can say with certainty that, in order to be able to live a serene life, it is essential in a professional environment such as ours to have high regard and trust for another both artistically and musically. Changing my life a little bit – a post-matrimonial life – I began again to audition. I remember one audition in particular, because of something that arose during the final voting. I would have liked to have seen the expression in your eyes when, auditioning anonymously behind a curtain, the panel, upon discovering that the number 36 was assigned to a woman instrumentalist – me – became very agitated, revealing a level of surprise combined with a certain annoyance. I was happy for my victory, of course, but the disappointment in knowing that there was still discrimination between men and women musicians, made me realize that I would somehow have to do something myself through my musical contribution to establish equal opportunity for all. Often I found myself defending my role in front of male colleagues who insinuated that I could never reach the same level as them. This never scared me, on the contrary it made me want to improve myself more and more with a growing determination and purposeful incisiveness that until then had never been part of my character. I am delighted to say that today the equality between men and women in this profession has definitely improved: I would love to play with a woman conductor! Ironically, I have always had male teachers along my educational path.

The Letters

61

Among them I would like to mention the cellist Antonio Janigro, who provided the most revealing and significant encounter of my artistic career. There are many moments I would like to share with you, but one in particular stands out – the moment when the Maestro, after my execution, told me: “You are always going to play with sincerity and heart.” But is this useful today, Jacqueline? There are moments when I become discouraged because I see that classical music is relegated to ever smaller spaces and is not fully understood. I often see children who are curious about this musical field; given the chance to play such a musical instrument they live the experience with astonishment, curiosity and happiness. But what happens then when they grow up? Why do they distance themselves? Why do they talk about an old, finished, dead music? As a teacher, I always strive to allow young people to experience something new and to discover our lesser-known musical heritage. As a cellist, I work hard so that my contribution might somehow make non-repertoire pieces more widely known: that’s why I decided to work on rediscovering cello music by the twentieth-century Italian composers. Who knows, maybe you would have liked to play Rota, Malipiero or Pizzetti: concertos for cello of great virtuosity and complexity. This project of rediscovery and recording afforded me great satisfaction and notoriety, as well as the gratitude of many cellists from all over the world who wanted to know more about these compositions. It is still difficult to convince music operators not to be prejudiced against lesser-known works, but even in this I possess a strong determination to succeed. I also came to realize that there is greater curiosity and interest in the repertoire of this historical period outside Italy, which is still a victim of a taboo linked to history. Alongside great moments of satisfaction working on this project, however, there were also moments of personal sadness: during the recording of the third CD of this recording cycle, my father passed away. Having to play while wearing microphones that capture the sound of the most intimate moments of your life causes a feeling that, even today, while I’m writing to you, creates a mixture of suffering and discretion. It’s like I have been changed since that moment and I’ve been looking back on life with greater lucidity, clearness and affection. In my playing I began to experience feelings of extreme serenity, and it made me think that it wasn’t

62

From Women to the World

important to collect concerts: the fundamental thing is, instead, to be able to remember each concert as something special, something that can persist in the memory of those who were themselves part of that moment. I decided to play at my father’s funeral. That was devastating emotionally, but it made me realize that sound is actually an element that is capable of going beyond and transcending this world: or, at least, I want to believe it to be so. It’s for this reason that I can’t imagine myself and my life without a cello. I want to believe that music can change people, can possess the strength to support those who no longer believe in ideals. I like to think that everyone can benefit from music’s emotional power, music’s many emotional aspects. What I really want, dear Jacqueline, is to be able to infect a growing number of people who listen to music, as you infected me when I was a child with the purity and charm not only of your sound but also of the strength of your irresistible smile. In this period of a global emergency regarding an invisible but extremely powerful virus, everyone feels insecure, alone, defenceless. The whole world is looking for solutions, governments are discussing the measures to be taken, people are reacting to the advice of the competent authorities, and doctors and nurses are overwhelmed trying to save as many people as possible. And what about the musicians in this interrupted journey? We are being deprived of the primary concept linked to our profession: the universal language of music. We are powerless to convey emotions to others, even though we know that music can provide a psychological support to all those who need it right now. Conveying emotions through music is part of our daily lives and being unable to do so has created a huge sense of uselessness, powerlessness, emptiness. Travel, which for a musician is something that is absolutely normal and necessary to be able to convey this message, has become a mirage. Having travelled five continents with my cello on my shoulder, it certainly makes me proud, but for now my professional life is on hold. The relationship with the audience, that emotional charge that every musician experiences when taking the stage, has been put on hold: it is a distant memory. The magic of the concert, the emotions felt as you perform your music, the marvellous silence of the audience enraptured by your performance, transports you to another dimension that is difficult to explain: a feeling of ecstasy that cannot be reproduced in any other moment in your life. At present, everyone is afraid

The Letters

63

for their own safety, their loved ones, all of humanity. But the anguish that lives in my soul is that live musical events, in theatres and concert halls, could help to spread infection. If this were to occur, it could literally kill the musician’s raison d’être: to exist to convey emotions. Silvia Bologna, 6 April 2020

64

From Women to the World

To my Daughter, Sophia Babai From Shelmina Abji (USA/Tanzania)

“You must start with a clear definition of success as that will become your guiding light for all your choices, big and small.” Shelmina Babai Abji is a global empowerment speaker, a former IBM Vice President, TedX speaker, distinguished alumni, board member, an angel investor and an advisor to C-suite executives. Her passion is gender equality in leadership. Shelmina started with humble beginnings in Tanzania. She had to leave home at 15 to pursue higher education and was the first person in her family to obtain a college degree. She balanced a highly successful career with raising her children as a single mother since they were aged two and four. She left her career as one of IBM’s highest-ranking women of colour to accelerate the success of other girls and women. She is now writing a book to make her insights available to every woman globally. Sophia Babai is a freelance writer and editor, disability justice activist, and Policy Advisor at the NYC Mayor’s Office of Sustainability. She graduated with Distinction from Yale University in 2014, and currently lives in New York City with her partner.

The Letters

65

My dearest daughter Sophia, I am in awe as I sit here and witness your graduation from Yale – one of the finest institutions in the world! I am so very proud of you for all your hard work reaching this milestone. I am looking forward to watching your life and career unfold. This is a big day for you and for me. It takes me back to my path to graduation and the start of my career journey. Growing up in a low-income family in Tanzania, where my maternal grandmother did not have an opportunity to study, and my mother who studied until 6th grade, worked exceptionally hard using her talent of cooking for others to raise us. Leaving home at the age of 15 to obtain higher education because the town in which I grew up, Mwanza, did not have education past tenth grade. My education journey took me to India to pursue a degree in Mathematics. Initially I was very excited about the possibility of fulfilling my dream of being the first person in my family to obtain a college degree. However, once I got to India, the excitement turned into misery. I was terrified to walk outside the campus, having watched Indian movies growing up where a woman would be walking by herself and inevitably some villain would hurt her. I could not eat the food they served in the cafeteria because I was so used to the food my mother prepared. What hurt the most was that my family did not own a phone so I could not call and talk to them. Every night I would cry myself to sleep and would have thoughts of quitting college and going back home. I sold clothes from India in Tanzania to pay for my education, before coming to the United Sates to obtain my Computer Science degree, working 35–40 hours a week making $3.30 an hour. My education was my passport out of poverty. With it, I was able to pursue a career which enabled me to help my parents and raise you and your brother as a single mother. As I sit here, I am thinking about what I wish I knew when I was graduating. What would have helped me during my career journey? I had to blaze many trails and learn many lessons to become a Vice President – one of the highest-ranking women of colour – at IBM. This was not even a dream I was capable of dreaming when I started my career. I am now in the process of writing a book to share my insights on how I became one. Allow me to share some of my insights which I believe will guide you as you start your career journey. Your vision of success

66

From Women to the World

will determine your career trajectory. Take time to define what success means to you personally. Define this with as much clarity as possible. You can always change it when needed, but you must start with a clear definition of success as that will become your guiding light for all your choices, big and small. Ensure you include personal and professional goals as it will allow you to intentionally allocate your attention to both. Prioritize self-care as when you are full, you will optimize your interactions and contributions. Aim high so you will grow at your maximum capacity. Let your strengths shine and continue to build new competence and increase confidence so you can shine brighter in the future. Once you define success, strategize to achieve it. Your definition of success should be the guiding post that enables you to say “Yes” to what matters most and say “No” to everything else. Ensure your daily habits are moving you closer to and are aligned with your definition. When you are stretching yourself, should you ever not meet some desired outcome, do not consider yourself to be a failure. There is no such thing as failure as long as you learn and grow from the experience. Growth is the secret sauce of maximizing future contribution and success. Grow in any which way you can – grow by learning from others: leaders, mentors and sponsors. Grow by seeking feedback. Reflect upon your personal and professional growth and internally celebrate this growth. It breeds confidence and self-trust. The experiences themselves will matter less over time, who you become as a result of those experiences is what will truly matter. When you become a mother, and I hope you do, motherhood will be the finest chapter of your life. Strive to strike a balance. It takes discipline, setting priorities, giving complete attention to the task at hand and prioritizing self-care. These are some of the hardest lessons I had to learn when I unexpectedly became a single mother. When faced with unforeseen circumstances like the Covid-19 pandemic, embrace uncertainty and ambiguity – these are great leadership skills which will enable you to thrive as a leader in this fast-paced, constantly changing environment. Choose to focus your energy only on things you can control and don’t let the situation drag you down – the situation is what it is, you own the response to this situation and every situation that comes your way. Never become a victim of any circumstance – choose to learn from it, grow and become better – personally and professionally. Oh, my heart beats faster when

The Letters

67

I think about watching your career unfold! You are filled with infinite possibilities. May your strong desire to have an impact serve you well and guide you toward the undeniable success that awaits you. Enjoy this amazing journey and become all you are capable of becoming. In doing so, your mere presence will be an inspiration to others. Lift others as you rise. With all my love, Your mom, Shelmina

68

From Women to the World

To my Younger Self, Hope From HH Sayyida Basma Al Said (Oman)

“The country was undergoing continuous change and society was adapting and changing. My generation was perhaps more adaptable than the previous one.” Her Highness Sayyida Basma Fakhri Al Said is a well-established psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist with over 17 years of experience in the field of mental health. She is the owner and founder of Whispers of Serenity, the first mental health wellness clinic in Oman. She initiated the “Not Alone” mental health awareness campaign, an on-going effort to create societal awareness of the importance of mental wellbeing. This campaign is living proof of her dedication and hope for the betterment of society. Al Said’s long and successful career is recognized across Oman and the Middle East, and she has received several awards honouring her contributions to the mental health sector.

The Letters

69

Dear Hope, I know you don’t know me, but I have always believed in you and you have always been beside me, guiding me. You’ve shown me that things are going to be all right. I have always wanted to tell you my story, how I started and how far I’ve come. Let me start from the beginning. I was born in the UK and spent the first few years of my life in Egypt, where my dad completed his college degree. Perhaps it is during this period my love for Egypt was seeded. My summers were sprinkled with visits to the UK where I spent time with my grandmother, my mother’s mom. When not in summer school I would spend time in her “secret garden” exploring my imagination. I came back to Oman to start my early school years. I joined both private schools and public girls’ schools. My experience was very different in each. Public schools are segregated and thus gave me a different perspective of my culture and society compared to the one I was exposed to abroad. At the same time private schools were co-educational, which was a different experience. Perhaps the most memorable thing during my schooling years is making some of the most memorable friendships which have continued throughout my adult life. Being in Oman at the time was also nostalgic. The country was undergoing continuous change and society was adapting and changing. My generation was perhaps more adaptable than the previous, though my parents were very open to change as they lived and spent many years overseas. However, I had to learn to balance between my open-minded parenting and traditional expectations of my grandmother, my dad’s mom. My grandmother was a key part of our family’s life generally, and mine in particular. This was particularly true as she became my guardian during my senior years at school. In many ways she shaped much of my young adult years and my personality. Through those years I tried my best to fit in and please everyone. Be that good student, friend, daughter and citizen. Let me tell you it is not easy. I had my share of happiness and frustrations. I also learned more about myself, my values and my culture. Even when I found myself conflicted between what is expected of me and what I want to do. Thoughts like “I don’t understand why it should be like this!” and “why do I have to do things this way?” I didn’t despair, I learned to adapt myself and find my own compass. Looking back, I appreciate that unwanted guidance which taught me so many things. I now understand, I have my own family. Going to

70

From Women to the World

university was perhaps the most exciting period of my early adult life. It was an opportunity to seek new challenges. I applied and got accepted in Jordan. However, my choices were influenced by my dad. I found myself studying IT as a “practical” degree. I soon realized it wasn’t my calling. I made what at the time seems a very brave decision to challenge my dad’s advice. I changed my major to Mental Health Counselling. This decision transformed my life in more ways that I could have imagined. During my university years in Jordan, I witnessed the plight of the Palestinian people, opening up a completely new perspective in my mind. I’ve learned to appreciate many things that I took for granted. During those years I’ve promised myself to do all I can to help those in need. I was also fortunate to work with some of the UNICEF programmes as a volunteer at the time. In our modest attempts my friends and I tried to help through bake sales and support campaigns. The choices I made at university completely transformed my life in other ways as well. I’ve promised myself I will help others through my education and qualification. I dreamt that I will have my own mental health clinic. This dream was vivid in my mind, but I had to wait many years before I could see it come true. Whispers of Serenity had to wait for more than 10 years. I dreamt of how it would be and what I would be doing. I wanted to learn more about people, their struggles and their dreams. I wanted to be part of those lives and help change them for the better. I wanted to learn about human struggles, children and women, hopes and dreams that make it all worth working towards a better future. However, I didn’t know when I would realize my dream. In 2011, I made a decision to take the leap. I left my job as a mental health counsellor at the university hospital and started Whispers of Serenity. It was more than a dream come true, it was a renewed vigour in my life. Whispers of Serenity became the tool through which I could stay true to that promise I made many years ago when I was still at university. It wasn’t simply a clinic that I established. I decided to start a mental awareness campaign “Not Alone”, which has become a passion to educate and lend a helping hand to those in need. Whispers of Serenity and “Not Alone” took me and a group of very passionate friends to many places. Syrian refugees’ camps in Lebanon, orphanages in Sri Lanka and Zanzibar. It exposed me to like-minded people across the world from Iceland to Zanzibar, to the UK and

The Letters

71

Sri Lanka. As I reflect on my life to this point, I ask what has Basma achieved? The answer is probably modest, not as much as I dreamt of. Today, I’m thankful for all the blessings in my life. I’m thankful for great family and friends who share my ambitions and dreams to make the world a better place. I’m thankful for all the experiences that strengthened my character and compassion for those who are in need. I am thankful for all people who believed in me and supported me and believed in a universal message of mental wellbeing. What does the future hold? I discovered a new-found passion in mindfulness. As I turned 40, I’ve learned to take stock of my life. Mindfulness has taught me to live the moment and appreciate myself. I see myself working harder and sharing my passion with more people around the globe. In many ways this is my message in a bottle. With dreams comes great expectations and disappointments. Life’s challenges will leave you scared, disappointed, and lonely at times. Being born into privilege takes nothing away from your achievements. Hard work is but some onerous task for action. The best part is you won’t have to do any of this on your own. You will be blessed with fantastic support from your family and friends. They will also make all the hard work worthwhile. Life’s journey is one of dreams and aspirations. Remember to always stay true to your values and live the moment. Keep on accomplishing your dreams, and always remember you are not alone. Basma Al Said

72

From Women to the World

To All Women Athletes of the Special Olympics From Mary Davis (USA/Ireland)

“Eunice Kennedy Shriver challenged me, and the world, to think bigger. She challenged us to challenge the status quo, and to question the definitions of words like ‘ability’, ‘value’, and ‘determination’. ” Mary Davis has been a life-long leader within the Special Olympics movement, beginning soon after college as a local programme volunteer and coach with Special Olympics Ireland. Davis has served in a series of leadership roles, helping create Special Olympics’ first-ever Regional games, the 1985 Special Olympics European Games, working to build a powerful national programme as CEO of Special Olympics Ireland, and helping globalize the movement as CEO of the first Special Olympics World Summer Games held outside the US. Davis leads an international team of 250 professionals throughout the world who are addressing inactivity, injustice, intolerance and social isolation. Special Olympics is a global movement of people creating a new world of inclusion and community, where every single person is accepted and welcomed, regardless of ability or disability.

The Letters

73

Dear Women Athletes, It is an honour to write to you. All of you serve as strong examples of what is possible when you believe in yourself. All of you serve as motivating forces as you challenge us to think bigger. All of you serve as an inspiration to past, present and future generations as you illuminate the road ahead. I know firsthand the power of believing in yourself, of being challenged to think beyond the current status quo. Most importantly, I serve as one of hundreds of millions of beneficiaries of an inspirational force in my life that propelled me to where I am today. As a young adult, I was a volunteer for the local Special Olympics Ireland gymnastics team. We actively recruited individuals with intellectual disabilities to participate to train to compete. At the time, and still today deeply entrenched stigma held this population back in every way. They were routinely warehoused in institutions. They were routinely excluded from mainstream schools. They were almost never allowed to hold employment. Doctors routinely denied them access to care predicated upon their condition. They were excluded from almost all forms of community life, and nation building. The community around them were taught to pity them, at best. Horrible forms of abuse, social isolation, and discrimination were the reality within which they lived. In short, there was nothing for them but bad luck, plunging entire families into a poverty of access, and a lifetime of shame. Mrs Eunice Kennedy Shriver, the sister of President John F. Kennedy, founded the movement of Special Olympics in 1968 to not only address the ills of the past, but to chart a new course – a renewed hope for individuals with intellectual disabilities, like her sister Rosemary. What was her weapon? Sport. Eunice Kennedy Shriver challenged me, and the world, to think bigger. She challenged us to challenge the status quo, and to question the definitions of words like “ability”, “value”, and “determination”. She motivated the athletes, and volunteers like me, to believe in what we were doing when the wider community found it nice, but not important. She inspired us with her example of tenacity, with her grit, and with her unwavering commitment – in the face of stiff resistance – to create an inclusive world where all could thrive, no matter what your ability level. She showed us through her example what the world could be if we believed in our own abilities to create it. I write this letter to you as the

74

From Women to the World

first non-American Chief Executive Officer of the Special Olympics global movement. It was a long journey from the days of organizing trainings for the gymnasts – we were so driven to create a journey that I would happily repeat again and again. As President of Special Olympics Ireland, as Chief Executive Officer of the 2003 Special Olympics World Summer Games in Dublin, Ireland (the largest sporting event to date in the Republic), and as President and Managing Director of Special Olympics Europe Eurasia, I always made sure to harness the power of Eunice Kennedy Shriver’s example and vision. I was motivated by the love of my family – my husband and my four children – all of whom joined my journey to create a different world. One where tolerance, acceptance and a celebration of differences were the new normal. All of us have inspiring figures in our lives. Keep their example, their energy, and their resolve close to you. Learn from their journey as you embark on your own. Eunice Kennedy Shriver, and the athletes of Special Olympics, taught me so many things – most of all that we owe it to ourselves to believe in our abilities and to believe in the gifts God has given us. Special Olympics athletes continue to inspire me every day. Across 190 countries, across 34 sports, and in over 110,000 competitions annually, Special Olympics athletes bring the vision of Eunice Kennedy Shriver to life across villages, towns, cities and entire nations. Congratulations to all of you. Your example serves to inspire so many, so go forth and give of yourself freely so that others can follow your path. For this is the gift that Eunice Kennedy Shriver and the athletes of Special Olympics bring to the world. One gymnast at a time. Best wishes, Mary Davis CEO Special Olympics

75

76

From Women to the World

To Senator Haifa Hajjar Najjar From Deema Bibi (Jordan)

“In the fall of 2000, my body collapsed, I had to go through a series of operations after I was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed as if my world was spiralling out of my control.” Deema Bibi is the CEO of INJAZ, a Jordanian non-profit organization established in 2001 with a mission to inspire and prepare young people to become productive members of society and accelerate the development of the national economy. Under Bibi’s leadership, INJAZ has expanded its operations to reach two million students across Jordan to date and has recently mainstreamed financial and entrepreneurship education within the national education. Haifa Hajjar Najjar is Senator, Upper House of the Jordanian Parliament (Jordanian Senate) and Superintendent, Ahliyyah School for Girls and Bishop’s School for Boys, Amman. She was considered one of the most powerful women in Jordan in the Jordan Business magazine in 2008 and 2014, and among the most 200 powerful women in the Arab World in Forbes Middle East magazine in 2014.

The Letters

77

My dearest Haifa, Walking into the Ahliyyah School for Girls over a decade ago, as a mother trying to find a good school for her young daughter, I could immediately sense the uniqueness of the place as I stepped through the school’s main gate; beautiful drawings and art work of the students covered the old walls, the hallways vibrated with exquisite poetry and expressions of peace and love, the tiles were spotless and sturdy, the welcoming faces and smiles embraced me, and the rhythmic sounds of the piano and the girls’ choir enveloped the warm, amiable space. I had met you before on a few occasions and had heard a lot about your outstanding leadership and ability to create, for every student in the school, a colourful and enlightening journey in a safe, loving space where true learning and appreciation of knowledge, expression, diversity and humanity are cultivated and nurtured. But it was the first time we had a one-to-one open conversation. That day, I remember sitting there, in your simple and cosy office overflowing with books and literature, and breathing in the positive energy that surrounded us, energy that must have been radiating from both your pure soul and genuine smile. Our meeting took longer than planned. I realized I did not want it to end. I was enjoying our heartening and delightful conversation about the need to transform education through creating an environment that stimulates learning, inspires creativity and innovation, celebrates diversity and unity, nurtures kindness and highlights the humane element through every topic of study. Values you made sure, as a superintendent for both the Ahliyyah School for Girls and the Bishop’s School for Boys, are at the heart of the educational process. Besides the interesting conversation, I was also admiring your ability to make me, almost a stranger back then, feel like family. I knew that day what a special person you are, and how much one can learn from your rich knowledge and wisdom. But I had no idea that this meeting was going to start a life-long friendship that would impact my life in more ways than I can list. When one is leading a busy day-to-day life, it is hard to find the time to sit back, relax the mind and allow it to wander, remember, feel and reflect. I had the chance to do that today; recalling my childhood in Kuwait, a young girl to two Palestinian parents who were forced to leave their country in their early teens during the war to start a life away from home. Unlike my

78

From Women to the World

parents, I was blessed growing up in a safe country that gave my parents’ generation what it needed: job opportunities, strong education, good health care and, overall, a decent and comfortable life. Sadly, in 1990, war found its way to Kuwait, and my parents had to flee again, this time as adults with their children, too young to retire, yet too old to start anew.With limited opportunities for professionals at their age back then, both my parents chose retirement. I knew I had to step up and waste no time. In Jordan, where home has been since 1991, I finished my higher education, began my career life, started a family, and pursued a life that was very different to the one I knew. My parents were keen, even more after experiencing two wars, that my siblings and I get the best education and raised us to be life-long learners. Today, almost three decades after graduating from my first diploma, and after obtaining several degrees, certificates and fellowships, I am still a student who has to submit homework and sit for classroom exams! Looking back at the younger me, as I was building my career life, eager to achieve and impress, I was working for long hours every day, racing time and juggling between many responsibilities, trying to prove to others, in a society where a woman’s career was not the norm and often discouraged, that a woman has the right to and can build a career while being a responsible mother, wife and daughter. Such a race offered me very little hours of sleep and no time to connect with myself, creating a gap that often left me out of balance. In the fall of 2000, my body collapsed; I had to go through a series of operations after I was diagnosed with cancer, and although the experience turned out to be one of life’s blessings to me, back then, it seemed as if my world was spiralling out of my control. Getting closer to you, Haifa, back then, when I searched for guidance and reassurance more than ever, was the Universe’s, very timely and much needed, gift to me. Your optimistic and positive attitude towards everything in life and the way you deal with each challenging situation with so much courage, grace, serenity and wisdom, are things I did not know I was capable of doing, until I was inspired by your remarkable nature. It has been heart-warming hearing you share a thought or deliver a message; every expression came directly from the heart to reach the heart. It was you that made me appreciate such power, simple and pure, that comes from this transformational energy within, called “love”. I have learned from you to simply express, rather than try to impress, to always attempt to be kinder instead of

The Letters

79

attempting to sound smarter, and how precious and enriching these lessons have been to me. One of the many things I respect in you is being proudly rooted to your culture, identity and everything that makes you who you are. I recall your words: “The Arab world is in the heart of the world, Jordan is in the heart of the Arab world, Amman is in the heart of Jordan, and the Ahliyyah and the Bishop’s schools are in the heart of Amman,” words that carry so much pride and gratitude. Your passion for creating a better future for the younger generations through many restless years of working to provide the best and most affordable education for girls and boys alike, your dedication to empower women and pave the way for them to become successful and influential leaders through your continuous efforts at the grassroots, institutional and policy levels, your love to your country and relentless endeavours to create a better and stronger Jordan through the numerous activities on the ground, and your serious efforts as a politician and a member of the Upper House of Parliament, have not only inspired so many youth, women and leaders, but have also taught us all what it truly means to be a responsible citizen, to be human, and to live a meaningful life. Your love to your family and the pride I see in your eyes whenever you talk about your exceptional husband, Mulham, and your wonderful and impressive daughters, is as heartwarming as your love to your bigger family and to humanity. “Life is about the greater goodness” and “nature is the source of knowledge” are core beliefs you have adopted from your greatest inspiration, your late mother; they are among a set of values that have transcended time and place, not only through the stories you share, but more through the depth that you carry them with. The stories and the bond you still share with your exceptional mother, continue to inspire me to become a better mother for my own children. I want nothing more than to see my beloved daughter and son grow up to be responsible global citizens and, above all, genuine and happy human beings with a solid foundation and a heart that is bigger than the Universe. Your pure and profound soul has enabled you to sense when those you care about are going through tough times. It has always been so heartening to receive a note from you asking if I am well whenever you sensed otherwise, and every time I am astounded by the fact that you, not only are able to feel that something isn’t right, but care enough to reach out, despite your crowded day and full agenda,

80

From Women to the World

to try to help. And I know I am one of many people you care about and unconditionally extend a hand to, and I wonder how you always find the time and energy to comfort others even when you are going through the toughest of times yourself. I will never forget that day when you called me from your hospital bed, I was in another hospital next to my dying dad, even then, when you were just out of a tough operation, barely able to speak, you were checking on me as you sensed something was wrong in my life. You somehow knew that a big part of me was dying that day when my biggest inspiration, my beloved father, was leaving. Who else would do that but you? Who would genuinely be so self-less and think of another when they are mostly in need of all the care and attention themselves? There are many stories and incidents that I will always remember, they often leave me speechless in front of your kindness and generosity, every story and every small act of kindness is well kept in my heart and very much cherished. Each has contributed to making me a better and a happier person. “‫”ﺓﺍﻱﺡﻝﺍ ﻕﺡﺕﺱﻱ ﺍﻡ ﺽﺭﺃﻝﺍ ﻩﺫﻩ ﻯﻝﻉ‬, or “We have on this Earth what makes life worth living”, is a quote by the esteemed Palestinian poet, Mahmoud Darwish, that you love and recite as I often do. To the many life blessings that Darwish has listed in his poem as worth living for, I add you. I hope you realize how many lives you have touched, how many souls you have uplifted, how many paths you have paved and how many hearts you have warmed. And I do hope you know how many people are – simply – happier because they had the pleasure of knowing you, learning from you and being inspired by your inner radiance and beauty. I have been blessed to be one of those many people, transformed by your admirable wisdom, softened by your generous and kind heart and empowered by your remarkable courage every time you demonstrate what it means to stand by your values. I know that I speak on behalf of many people when I thank you for your presence in our lives. You have everything one could look for in a mentor, a leader, a teacher, a sister and a trusted friend. And for that, I will forever be grateful. Yours, Deema

81

82

From Women to the World

To my Daughter Sofia From Paola Diana (Italy)

“They wanted me to be a silent victim, to look down and to say yes, so I became an outspoken warrior.” Paola Diana is an author, entrepreneur, activist and podcast host of Unleashed. The Game Changers. Paola’s bestselling book, Saving the World. Women: The Twenty-First Century’s Factor for Change, perfectly combines the theories of sociology, science and history. Paola has developed a niche for herself that has seen her lauded as a woman activist renowned for digging beneath the surface to uncover what truly constitutes a patriarchal society and to fight it, in the name of justice and equality. Sofia Diana Beltrame studies molecular genetics at King’s College London. She is a very intelligent and empathic young woman who believes in the power of knowledge and compassion. A fierce soul, who approaches life with a positive mindset and an open mind, knowing that girls can be anything they want.

The Letters

83

Dear Sofia, It feels like only yesterday that I was holding you in my arms for the first time. Eighteen years have passed so quickly that I can’t even believe it. Many things changed during this time, most of all, I changed. Becoming a mother made me a better human being and gave me more strength than anything else in my life. Being a single mother, raising two children on my own while working and pursuing my career and my dreams, was challenging, but at the same time incredibly fulfilling and empowering. I am the result of all these challenges. I am the result of all the traumas and obstacles that I had to face since I was born. I don’t regret any of them, even the worst ones, as I know that I wouldn’t be the same person, without them. This is why I would like you to be resilient, to never give up and to always know that there is a positive side in everything we face during our journey in this world. I had a very sad childhood, with a father who was violent and oppressive, with a brother who was an enemy more than an ally and a mother who was too troubled living with her difficult marriage than helping me being happy. No one at home was really caring about me, they were caring only about my body and about the house rules, but not about my soul and my mental health. That’s why I had to learn to take care of myself. I also learned the importance of being a rebel if everything around you feels unfair. They wanted me to be a silent victim, to look down and to say yes, so I became an outspoken warrior. They wanted me to accept the reality and not to share it with others, so I became a writer and a speaker who writes about injustices, who learned to fight back and to believe that everything can change. It wasn’t easy. I went through many horrible moments, days, nights. Periods of my life when I thought I should give up, but I never did. And this is my first and most important advice to you, my daughter: “Never give up. No matter how dark it seems out there, you will always find a light inside of you or inside someone who loves you, who will show you the way and give you hope.” Sofia, you see me now, strong and fierce, successful in building my own company and recognized as an influencer and an advocate for women’s rights. But it wasn’t always like this. I hear you. I hear your struggle, when you tell me that you don’t have a specific passion and that you don’t know what you want to do in your adult life. I hear your fear of the unknown future, your doubts, your thoughts. It is not easy to be a teenager, especially now, when we demand

84

From Women to the World

so much from our youngsters. Now, when it looks like you have to decide and plan your entire life when you are still a teenager. I don’t agree with this system and I think that this pressure can only damage our children. You will most likely live 120 years or more, take it easy and enjoy your early years as these magical moments will pass so fast that you can’t even imagine! It is fine to be confused. It is fine not to have a plan. It is fine to live day by day finding your path during your journey.And it is normal to feel overwhelmed, time to time. I was like you. I know you don’t believe me when I say that, but I was exactly like you. I still remember my teenage years as a very difficult period in my life. Everything was so intense, all my emotions and my problems seemed to be unsolvable and overwhelming. When something was going wrong, everything looked so dark that I couldn’t think about anything else. All was black and white. Now I have finally learned that there are different shades of grey and that sometimes you just have to breathe, close your eyes, and think about something positive, different, something that will give hope even in the darkest moments. Life is all about being balanced and feeling grateful for what you have, instead of complaining about what you don’t have. Find your balance and you will find happiness. A teenager has to face many pressures exerted by society, and a teenage girl has to face even more, especially related to her body image. We still value beauty too much and we still have crazy, unrealistic standards for women’s beauty. You see me now, beautiful and confident, but I wasn’t always like this. When I was younger, I didn’t like my body and I was always trying to fit into the perfect body type, brought to me by photoshopped pictures in glossy fashion magazines and unrealistic body expectations. I couldn’t understand that my body was just fine as it was, and I should have loved it more. All that time spent not eating or eating too much and feeling bad. Such a waste of time. When I was your age, I even ended up with an eating disorder for almost two years, something that I was seeing as a horrible disease that I had to hide at any cost. Still now I feel embarrassed about it, but I decided to speak up as I don’t want other girls to go through that hell and I think that the best thing to do is to share my story. All my sadness and my insecurities were making me refuse my body, but first of all I wasn’t loving myself as I should have done. That’s why I always tell you that you are beautiful and that you shouldn’t follow the

The Letters

85

unrealistic expectations promoted by our culture. Always remember that we all have different body types and that there is no such thing as perfection. What we should all aim to be is healthy and strong! But most of all we should aim to be intelligent, independent and powerful, without only focusing on the surface. If I could talk to my younger self now, the first thing I would say is: “Paola, everything will be fine! Don’t worry, everything will be ok. Love yourself, believe in yourself, and enjoy the journey. Life is beautiful.” We tend to live our life as if it is a race where we have to arrive first. We struggle so much running and trying to be the fastest, that sometimes we forget to enjoy the run, to enjoy every single moment of our journey. How many times do we say, “I have no time for this” and we end up not doing what could help us live a better lifestyle, such as doing sport, going for a walk, seeing some friends, going on holiday. But life shouldn’t be like this. I hope you will always find time for yourself, because your life is not only the final goal that you will achieve, your life is your everyday. Mind your thoughts, my daughter, as your thoughts will become actions and your actions will become habits. Your habits will become your character, and your character will make your destiny. Always watch your thoughts, always think positive and be grateful. Don’t let hatred, anger or jealousy poison your beautiful soul. You are pure light, keep shining for me and for all of us. I am so proud of you, my little angel. I feel blessed and grateful every day to have you in my life. Thank you for giving me so much love, I will be here for you, forever. With endless love, mum xx

86

From Women to the World

To my Grandmothers, Her Majesty Queen Zein Al-Sharaf Talal of Jordan and Begum Shaista Suhrawardy Ikramullah From HRH Sumaya bint El Hassan (Jordan)

“We knew simply from the very outset that we belonged to a family where women gave strength to one another, across generations.” Her Royal Highness Princess Sumaya bint El Hassan is President of the Royal Scientific Society (RSS) and Chair of the Board of Trustees of Princess Sumaya University for Technology (PSUT). She is an advocate of science and technology as a catalyst for change in the Arab World. In June 2017, HRH was named UNESCO Special Envoy for Science for Peace. This unique honour recognizes HRH’s efforts to combine science and research with cultural heritage to foster peace, opportunity and prosperity. HRH was appointed by HM Queen Rania as Vice Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the first Jordan National Museum, where she is overseeing its development. Her Majesty Queen Zein Al-Sharaf is remembered for her pioneering efforts in charitable works, and her support for women’s rights. The late Queen Mother was born in Egypt on 2 August 1916 and married King Talal bin Abdullah in 1934, with whom she bore three sons and a daughter; His Majesty King Hussein, His Royal Highness Prince Muhammad, His Royal Highness Prince El Hassan and Her Royal Highness Princess Basma. Queen Zein played a major role in the political development of the Kingdom in the early 1950s. She took part in the writing of the 1952 Constitution that gave full rights to women and enhanced the social development of the country. Begum Shaista Suhrawardy Ikramullah was a politician, diplomat and author who served as Pakistan’s ambassador to Morocco from 1964 to 1967. She was the only Muslim delegate to the United Nations and, besides Eleanor Roosevelt, the only woman to have worked on the drafting of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

The Letters

87

My Darling Grandmothers, I am writing you this letter to express thoughts that I could not have articulated when you were both still with us. I was too young then to know what I owed you, and too untested to realize how both of you had given me gifts that would make my own journey through life that much more purposeful and protected. I could not have correctly evaluated those values you left me with until I knew how central to my being they had become. You were women of a different, and perhaps more challenging age. You looked boldly to the future and you worked tirelessly to make my path, and the path of all women, that much clearer and more firm. It is tempting to think that each of us, when born, emerges into the blazing daylight of our world as a crisp, blank canvas, independent of all that has been crafted before, ready to be drawn into being by one’s sole experience and by our isolated soul’s dawning enlightenment. But so much of how both our outer image and inner being may grow is set by circumstance and guided by the lives and accumulated experiences of those who embrace us from the very beginning. I know that I was born into a life of great privilege, so much more than most, and for that I am supremely grateful. But the greatest privilege for me was to have your early guidance and care, your advice and experience, and your example of how privilege may only bring happiness if it is used to help others, to heal suffering and to promote opportunity for those who lack it. Nana, you were a Jordanian Queen at a difficult time. You were loved and tenderly hailed as Um al Urduneen,“Mother of Jordanians”, that serene presence who steered our nation through a trying period just a few short years after the Second World War. You paved a way through your regency for my beloved uncle to accede to the throne at such a young age. Yes, you were Jordan’s beloved Queen but, of course, to us you were “Nana”. Your charm and your calm, understated confidence were vital to guide our young nation and, many years later, to help mould your young granddaughters. You inherently understood how best to achieve that peaceful transition of power with a balanced appreciation of continuity and change. You navigated the rapids of a difficult age and a challenging situation with poise, dignity and an overriding sense of duty – to family, to country and to those whose lives depended so much on stability, kindness and nurtured growth.

88

From Women to the World

Perhaps to many, my early life with a grandmother who was a Queen, might seem rarefied and unreal. But I would like to think that many little girls see their own grandmothers as Queens – warm, dignified and committed to kindness and the care of others. I remember how as children, my sisters, my cousins and I would play in your beautiful garden, coming together as an extended family each Sunday at 4pm. How could we as little girls understand what that your role truly meant in the world? How could we know that we were called princesses in the world in which we had spent so little time? You were a Queen to us before we knew about the pomp and circumstance that surrounds that designation, or the requirements and responsibilities that you had on your shoulders. We knew simply from the very outset that we belonged to a family where women gave strength to one another, across generations, and where the needs and distresses of others were ours to embrace. You ensured that we stayed together as a family, regardless of the challenges imposed by the world at large. You united generations and won the respect, admiration and love of both the men and women for whom you were a staunch and protecting matriarch. And Nammie, my poised and erudite maternal grandmother, you too saw times of great turmoil. Born in Calcutta, you lived through that brutal period of the partition of India and became an ambassador for Pakistan and a delegate to the United Nations. Your sense of responsibility to the voiceless and your duty to the weak gave you a determination to make the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which you helped to draft, a document that was inclusive and expansive. At a time when the term was unknown, you were a vital and eloquent woman of colour determinedly being heard on the international stage. Your commitment and passion helped to phrase that seminal document with the entire world in focus. You fought to bring forth a declaration that reflected a diversity of suffering and a cross-cultural desire for peace and protection from harm and threat. You and your colleagues delved deeply into your cultural and social backgrounds. You forced a debate across boundaries and a discussion over often painfully raw discord. You helped to ensure that those of diverse backgrounds could leave an indelible mark on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and that is why it remains robust and relevant today. I am incredibly proud to know that you pressed for articles and language that emphasized freedom, equality and choice.

The Letters

89

My dear grandmothers, you were each so central to the tumultuous events of your nations and your time. Today, as the world jolts from one shock to the next, that post-war compact which you both saw emerge from chaos – an imperfect but necessary creation of humankind’s finest attempt at healing after its foolhardiest attempt at self-destruction – has seemed to disintegrate in just a few short years. Twenty years into what we all hoped would be a peaceful and hopeful century, it seems like every one of us is constantly at the centre of traumatic and chaotic events. We tune in daily to news reports that would deeply upset each of you. Language and ideology have become ever more polarizing within and between societies. Divisions that you thought were all but healed have resurged and been magnified, made monstrous through the optics of social media and resurgent nationalist cant. This is not the world you would have wished to pass on to me or my own children. But we have the tools to repair and rebuild – to get back on a course that you both so wisely and determinedly set all those decades ago. You both taught me that women represent so much that cannot be captured by statistics or raw data. You demonstrated through your words and actions, through your ability to lead without ego, that women offer a nurturing continuity and a moderating and centring influence on political, social and economic development. True leadership is not shouted from the rafters or hurled to inflame the loudest mob. We each of us have a responsibility to listen before we speak, and to consider all our neighbours before we act. We must never forget the privilege that has given us a voice, nor our unshakable responsibility to give a voice to those who have none. This deeply ingrained sense of duty is what continues to drive me, and to give life meaning. With the strength you gave me, I strive to serve my family, my country, my region, those marginalized women who have a burning ambition to soar, and those young people who search for meaning and hope in a challenging age of uncertainty. Your energy helped me to survive breast cancer and to thrive in recovery – it was only during my treatment that I learned that you, Nana, had also had breast cancer, at a time when it was simply not spoken about. Both of you have given me the vitality and the hope that I needed on so many occasions throughout my life. Now, as my four children find their way in early adulthood,

90

From Women to the World

I can see your attributes shine through a new generation. My elder daughter was proudly named after you Nana, her Jordanian great-grandmother. Her dedication to nursing and healthcare in Jordan reminds me of both your achievements in founding the Red Crescent organizations in Jordan and Pakistan respectively. My younger daughter is committed to finding out all she can about her multiple heritages, Jordanian, Indian and Pakistani. They are both immensely proud of the diversity and adversity that defines the experiences of our women and this underpins their deep patriotism and sense of duty to our nation. In these times of uncertainty, your certainty of what is truly important continues to guide me. I am so delighted to see you in my own children but, in truth, I see you everywhere. I recognize you in the kind acts of strangers, in the passion of campaigners for social justice, in the firm resolve of those who demand equality, and in the gentle determination of mothers who seek opportunities for their children. As we struggle through a newly challenged world, I consider all that you both saw and endured. I remember your kind and committed optimism, and your perseverance for the sake of posterity. I think of all this and I feel restored and reinvigorated. Whenever we see the very worst that humankind can do, we must ensure that we draw on the very best of us to respond. You both took journeys that I am proud to continue. With love, Sumaya

91

92

From Women to the World

To The Homeless Woman From Grazia Giuliani (Italy/UK)

“In the same way that we had been broken – we picked up our broken arms, our broken hearts, our broken minds and put them back where they belonged.” Throughout her career, Grazia Giuliani has curated various cultural and socially committed projects, blending visual arts, music, dance, documentaries, collections and food. Elements of accountability, social responsibility, environmental consciousness, and ethical impact lie at the base of what Grazia enjoys doing. Her internationally published book, Versatile: Cooking & Living Italian, combines food with gastronomic history, arts and legends. Her latest enterprise FLAVOURED.IT encapsulates Grazia’s vision, creating a convivial space for a community of curious and conscious minds dedicated to promoting ideas, mutual support to conceive and develop projects, learning, growth and purpose.

The Letters

93

To my unassuming Athena, the homeless lady at the corner of Green Park Station in London . . . A premonition? I passed by you on a rainy evening and our eyes briefly locked. In your eyes and in my eyes a flashback. You could see my flashback and I could see yours unfolding like a silent black and white movie, which colour definition turned more into “black and blue”, at times. Black-and-blue hurts: either physically or emotionally. I kept walking, but really, I could not pass by you without asking – “What happened?” . . . even though my heart already knew the answer. You are a middle-aged, middle-class, well-dressed lady with soft traits and hard lines, with gentle manners and rough nights behind you, and perhaps ahead of you. You sit in the rain, with your nice clothes wet, and your life packed in a small suitcase. You are staring at the myriad of feet pitter-pattering on the shimmering pavement: their reflection seeing many lives walk on by. What distinguishes you is your contained dignity. “I had to get away”, you told me. “And that takes courage”, I thought, “although, you are doomed if you stay, and you are doomed if you go.” Another flashback hit me, whilst talking with you about a mutual experience coincidentally enjoyed by us both, in the past. We had both seen the glamorous fashion exhibition at a museum, which had been the talk of London . . . “If I wanted the glamour, I would have stayed”, I suddenly recalled saying in conversation with the distinguished man sitting in front of me, whose penetrating eyes – for how hard they were trying – were not allowed into my soul, leaving him wondering . . . Nobody is allowed to reach that deep and sacred place within me anymore. You, homeless lady, do not allow this to happen anymore, either. You, homeless, broken lady – an unassuming Athena full of culture and life experience – sitting within your contained puddle of dignity have made such an impact on my thoughts and my own inner search for peace within myself. I am ever so grateful for our encounter, I am ever so grateful for the words spoken, the parallels drawn, and for our “welled up eyes moments”. Our genuine and spontaneous accounts told between us strangers – who felt had known each other for a long time – reflected not judgement, but authenticity. You probably do not even remember me, but I will never forget that natural

94

From Women to the World

and spiritual connection, and this is why I am writing to you who represent so many women in the whole world. You sparked in me a wider reflection on complaisance many women enjoy and/or suffer from, depending on if complaisance is taken as amiability or weakness. You provoked a deep introspection on if and when I enjoyed and/or suffered from complaisance. The lines “for better, for worse”, “for richer, for poorer”, “to love and to cherish”, uttered with joy in wedding vows, resonate now out of tune with yours and my bleak reality of the broken promise. You, my unassuming Athena, although homeless, still a lady, a warrior, an inspiration of personal redemption and dignity – no matter how much the desensitized passers-by look down on you or take pity of you. The strength of packing up and leaving – no matter the consequences – the realization that anything is better than a life lived in a rusty or even golden cage, bring you so close to a wise Goddess, whose inner steely beauty has been trampled upon and violated. Nevertheless, the more one “buffers” steel, the more steel ends up shining. You – still nameless, yet universally known, brave middle-aged now homeless lady – who chose to go rather than staying in the trap of abuse, embody the frail and the fearful turned into the strong and the wise. Before sitting at the corner of Green Park tube station, you were what the Spanish language describes as “Ama de Casa” (housewife). “Ama de Casa” also stands for wet-nurse, nursemaid . . . feminine figures that relate to caring. I like to play with words, and to the word “Ama”, I am adding an “l” to create another Spanish word “Alma”, as in “soul”. “Alma de casa” – “Soul of the home” . . . and it is that soul that one carries with oneself wherever one is or goes: even when leaving home. It is the soul – as the most private and deepest part, as the Source of every human being – that has to remain intact to survive any circumstances life throws up. When catastrophe hits in middle age sweeping away stability, a sense of security, self-reassurance and fast-forward plans, one’s soul has to strive to remain whole and shielded to enter a new paradigm through a total life overhaul. Both our mid-lives became seismic and both our souls were jolted out of their places. The linearity, the system, the identities that once defined and served us, were part of that so very tall tower we both built through our

The Letters

95

marriages. That tower has now fallen and shattered in a sudden overwhelming way. We have both stared, like many other women, at those shattered pieces trying to make sense of it all, trying to frantically re-match the broken pieces bewildered by “ifs” and “buts”, “hows” and “whats”. We fell apart . . . You, I and the “she” of the world fell apart . . . but by doing so, you, I and the “she” of the world did not find our vulnerability disheartening. In the same way that we had been broken, we picked up our broken arms, our broken hearts, our broken minds and put them back where they belonged. Our personas were remade, reborn, regrown in a personal transmutation. This is the magic that women who have invisible scars on their bodies and still oozing wounds in their psyche, can do. “Kiss it better”, it is usually said to a child who hurts, as a gesture of love. It is that love – no matter what belief, culture, faith, tradition we identify ourselves with – that unites us all as women. From the holiest shelter-seeking woman in Christianity – the Virgin Mary – believed by the Christians to be the Mother of all mothers, to the Buddhist Green Tara embodying maternal compassion and healing energy which releases from fear and ignorance. The Roman Minerva and the Greek Athena mirroring their wisdom and strategic thinking, and equalizing their support for the arts and crafts. The quick-thinking wife of Gaelic giant Finn McCool, who disguised her husband as a baby to fight off the huge Scottish giant Benandonner, in the hope that, if the baby was that big the giant would think the father frightfully bigger, and he’d run away instead of fighting. From each and one of these women figures from the past emerge contemporary women. They are united in wisdom, graciousness, with fearless attitude and bountiful craft – no matter their faith, belief, or legends. They all possess their inner spiritual strength to inspire, and to aspire to. Fragmented, broken, re-glued together through our conversations, I am sure you have risen like the Phoenix. Like Minerva and Athena we mirrored each other. I passed by you three days in a row and each day I stopped and talked to you. I walked that same street and I looked ahead to check if you were still there . . . and you were. Each day, I brought you hot tea and warming words. Each day your clothes looked more and more dull, whilst your eyes – in contrast, and ironically – started to look brighter.

96

From Women to the World

“I am thinking of going to stay with my mother,” you said to me. I felt so very happy for you. That same courageous call of your soul that made you step out of your uncomfortable comfort zone you found yourself in, called now for refuge and wisdom. I have since then looked at myself in the mirror more and more pondering on my belief that there are no coincidences in life and you were sent to me for my journey into my mind, my soul and my existence . . . and here I am, months later, in your same situation, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic that is ravaging the whole world. Not only an emotional, psychological, family governance crisis experienced on a personal level, but also an emotional, psychological and economic crisis spread across the world, fuelled by the Covid-19 pandemic that is infecting humankind. From micro to macro: the suffering is reflected and amplified. I find myself to have to recalibrate my private life to public life, my needs as a temporarily homeless woman to the needs of thousands of homeless people out there in the streets, who – unlike me – do not have generous and caring friends who have offered shelter in these distressing and uncertain times, when suspicion over anyone being the virus carrier can set in. Women trapped in their homes when the enforcement from the government to stay at home and stay away from others, does not account for the impossibility of staying at home without staying away from your own abuser. My thoughts go to those women and bounce back to you my nameless, homeless unassuming Athena, who – by fate or by choice – had the chance to leave the gilded cage of your own home before the coronavirus entrapped you too – and go, to be in the street evaluating what is worse. Is it worse being without a home, in the streets, exposed to the invisible virus, or to be invisible within your home plagued with abuse? There is a common thread to the significance of invisible here, and both pose you a threat. I believe you were also “sent to me” as a premonition of an even deeper and widespread crisis, bearing wisdom to know the difference between focusing on what one can change, and managing what cannot be changed – albeit not losing the hope of finding an alternative and an escape. This wisdom must be shared with others, as everything that happens is never random. You encompass a life experience of so many women and you

The Letters

97

have been able to walk through a painful transformation, leading to personal growth out of the ordinary. You have cultivated a new ability to find your heart and gracefully let go of the fear of losing what was not meant for you anyway, because instead of exalting your beauty, it wilts it. Here is to be blossoming again! You, I and the world over. Yours, Grazia 9 April 2020

98

From Women to the World

To Murdered Politician, Anna Lindh From Miriam González Durántez (Spain/UK)

“We were constantly surrounded by powerful men, like the one I worked for: white older men in impeccable dark suits and white shirts. You stood out in that crowd, one of the very few women Foreign Affairs Ministers.” Miriam González Durántez is an international trade lawyer, board member, public speaker and advocate of women’s rights and the education of girls. Miriam currently leads the trade practice of US law firm, Cohen & Gresser, splitting her time between California, Washington and London. Prior to focused legal practice, Miriam was seconded to the UK Foreign Office as Adviser to the UK Presidency of the European Council, and before that served seven years as a Senior Cabinet Member for two EU External Relations Commissioners. Miriam is the founder of Inspiring Girls International, a global charity dedicated to raising the aspirations of young girls around the world by connecting schoolgirls with women role models. Active in politics from a young age, Ylva Anna Maria Lindh was one of the most influential figures in modern Swedish politics. Winning a seat in Parliament in 1982. Her first Cabinet post came 12 years later as Minister for the Environment. She later achieved international recognition as Sweden’s Foreign Minister. Staunchly pro-Europe, Lindh rose to wider prominence during Sweden’s Presidency of the European Union in 2001. She led the Swedish government’s “Yes” campaign in the referendum to join the Euro in 2003 but was murdered just days before the vote took place. The Swedish public decided against the Euro by 55.9 per cent.

The Letters

99

Dear Anna, I have started this letter far too many times, never knowing how to say “thank you” to somebody who is no longer with us. In truth, you probably would not remember me, even if you were alive. I was working for the then European Commissioner for Foreign Affairs and was just one of the many young people who was present at some of your meetings as Sweden’s Foreign Affairs Minister. Most of your counterparts never even noticed when we were in the room, let alone talked to us. Big successful people like you do not normally talk to nobodies, and a nobody is what I was, a note-taker, the person who was in the background, yet another silent policy adviser, a mere shadow. It was a meeting about the Middle East. You were sponsoring a new proposal, one of the so many well-meant peace initiatives that was clearly going to fail, but you had secured the backing of the then US Secretary of State, Colin Powell, so you had the wind on your side. I was seated by the door and as you were leaving the room you looked at me and asked, “how are you?”. It was no more than a courtesy question, which did not require a response. But I was so surprised that you addressed me directly that I froze and muttered, “I am good, and you?”. You smiled, and so did I. From that very moment, I was your fan. I was young, just married – a woman eager to find my way in life, constantly rushing at work, never really knowing what I was rushing for (you would be amused to know that, two decades later, I still don’t). We were constantly surrounded by powerful men, like the one I worked for: white older men in impeccable dark suits and white shirts. You stood out in that crowd, one of the very few women foreign affairs ministers, the youngest, the only one with young children and definitely the most human. Some of the things we did were difficult and disheartening, all those endless trips to the Middle East hoping for the elusive peace that never came. It must have been a real struggle for you to handle all that pressure while at the same time trying to raise a young family. I drank it all up, every detail: how you spoke; when you smiled; the moments you showed your impatience; how you bit your lip when others tried to ruffle you; the way you dressed simply, with plain suits, t-shirts and turtlenecks; how you refused to carry handbags and held on to your backpack instead. You did not hide your intelligence, but nor did you show off. You were never arrogant, never seemed to speak badly of

100

From Women to the World

people. As you entered the official rooms surrounded by your male colleagues, everybody expected you to be the softest, the least incisive, the most lightweight, thanks to all those gender stereotypes that, no matter the cultural differences, apply to women pretty much everywhere. And yet, I do not remember any other single foreign affairs minister addressing violations of human rights with the strength that you did: upfront, in a straightforward yet non-aggressive way, not admitting “no” for an answer, with a courage that I had rarely seen in politics anywhere else. My silent dream at the time was to become one day what you were. Around that time, I became pregnant with my first son. The intensive travel while being pregnant was tough and I lost count of the many airports where I hid my morning sickness, pretending all was absolutely fine. Though the most upsetting, by a long mile, were all the patronizing comments that I received at the time. The looks of pity from numerous diplomats as they implied my career was approaching an inexorable end: “your priorities will totally change”, they used to say. “What the hell do these people know about my priorities?”, I used to mutter to myself. My priorities did indeed change when I had my first child – in fact my priorities keep changing all the time. But what changed even more than my priorities was my day-to-day lifestyle: coping with a crazy agenda without rest at night; the nervousness when the meetings lasted well after bedtime; the insane choreography before going on an unexpected trip; and the despair at having to attend the many official diplomatic events when all that I wanted was to be at home with my child. The guilt when I was not with him; the guilt when I was. The stress got the better of me, as it often does. At times I had to leave my office and cry myself dry to try to unwind. Nobody noticed it, but how would they, if I was so good at hiding it? You gave to me one of the best pieces of advice that I have received in my whole life. It was as we waited for yet another long meeting to start. One of your advisers was giggling at how you had said “stop it darling” during a phone call with the then US Secretary of State. Colin Powell thought you were addressing him, but you were instead saying it to your son who was in the room with you. We started talking about children and I asked you how you managed, when I, with an infinitely less important job, was struggling to cope.

The Letters

101

You became serious for a minute and told me, “you need to impose your own terms” – and if that was not good enough advice, you made it practical as well: “I don’t do evenings. Next time you get an invitation just say you have a no-evenings-policy.” So simple, and yet so challenging, because it assumed I had the power to dictate how I wanted to handle my life, rather than dancing constantly to the tune of somebody else. “My own terms” for me at that time was nothing short of a revolutionary concept. I will never forget the first time I used your formula. An ambassador from a northern African government was on the phone asking me to a dinner meeting to discuss an upcoming trip. My hand was shaking when I said that, of course, I would be delighted to meet but that unfortunately I “did not do evenings” because I had a “no dinners policy”. I closed my eyes waiting for his response, thinking he would be offended and most likely wonder who on earth I thought I was, saying no to a senior diplomat. Instead, he responded cheerfully without even questioning why: “of course, let’s have coffee tomorrow instead. It suits me better anyway.” And that was that. All my fears gone. With time, everybody who worked with me knew about my “no evenings/no dinners policy” and it became a natural and easy thing. I cannot tell you how often I have reminded myself of “my own terms”. The many times my bosses, my colleagues, my team, my family, my friends, the media . . . expected things from me and I found myself trying to accommodate them, before remembering that my life should be “on my own terms”. Of course, sometimes and with some people it is not possible to follow your own terms – I have encountered numerous times expectations from some in the media about how women should behave that are firmly stuck in the past. But, by and large, like that northern Africa ambassador, most people will respect what you want. In fact, the more you respect yourself, the more they will respect you. I often wonder, what would you have made of life if you had not died at the hands of a Swedish Eurosceptic who stabbed you multiple times? If you would have continued in politics or had instead given up; whether you would be in one of the international organizations leading policy initiatives and campaigns or whether you would have pursued smaller and probably more rewarding things. I am sure that if you were alive you would be fighting for the European project, for multilateralism, for the values of compromise, individual freedoms,

102

From Women to the World

human rights, the rule of law, all those values that Europe represents and for which you were brutally killed. Would you look with despair at the populist turn that the world has taken? Would you be frustrated at the complacency of those who simply take for granted all those European values instead of realising that they have to earn the right to them every single day? No, I do not know what you would have done with your life, though I am sure you would have done it, as everything else, “on your own terms”. Experience has taught me that the most difficult thing of it all is not just defending your terms but deciding what those terms are in the first place, to find the honesty that setting your terms requires – not towards others, but towards yourself. I miss your voice, your guidance. I miss your frankness and wisdom in European politics. But what I miss the most is your advice to help me discern what are “my terms”. Yours, Miriam

103

104

From Women to the World

To Jacinda Ardern, PM of New Zealand From Elif Shafak (Turkey/UK)

“By caring and connecting, you have single-handedly destroyed that toxic narrative propagated by fanatics and fundamentalists.” Elif Shafak is an award-winning British-Turkish novelist. She writes in both Turkish and English and has published 18 books, 11 of which are novels. Her work has been translated into 54 languages. Her latest novel, 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in this Strange World was shortlisted for the Booker Prize and RSL Ondaatje Prize; and was Blackwell’s Book of the Year. Her previous novel, The Forty Rules of Love was listed by the BBC as being among the 100 Novels that Shaped Our World. Shafak holds a PhD in political science and she has taught at various universities in Turkey, the US and the UK, including St Anne’s College, Oxford, where she is an honorary fellow. She is a member of WEForum Global Agenda Council on Creative Economy and a founding member of ECFR (European Council on Foreign Relations). An advocate for women’s rights, LGBT rights and freedom of speech, Shafak is an inspiring public speaker and twice TED Global speaker. Jacinda Ardern is the Prime Minister of New Zealand. Elected prime minister at just 37 years of age, Jacinda is the world’s youngest woman Head of Government, and only the second to become a mother while in office (after Benazir Bhutto). Her leadership style is one of empathy in a crisis that tempts people to fend for themselves.

The Letters

105

Dear Jacinda Ardern, I come from a country – Turkey – where patriarchy remains deeply entrenched. Despite the centuries-old cultural and institutional gender disparity, and despite the fact that the country has been going backwards at a bewildering speed, sliding into a crude form of authoritarianism, the women of my motherland are strong, resilient, courageous. There are remarkable women of all ethnic and social backgrounds in almost every field – from media to academia, from medicine to finance. But there is one area where women are almost non-existent, invisible, unheard – and that is, politics. It makes a tremendous difference, and not in a good way, when women are denied the chance to move up the political and social ladder. It makes a tremendous difference when most – if not all – the decision-makers are nationalisticreligious-conservative-middle-aged men for whom patriarchy is the norm, the way things have always been and the way things will always be. A while ago it was these same legislators who tried to pass a law that proposed to reduce the sentence given to rapists of minors should they agree to marry their victims. In the eyes of these politicians, if the “family honour was saved” by making rapists marry their victims, this would be a good solution for everyone! It never occurred to them that they were punishing the victims, and not the rapists. It never occurred to them to consider the situation through the eyes of the women and minorities. Such is the mentality we have to fight against not only in Turkey, but in Lebanon, Egypt . . . all across the Middle East and beyond. How remarkable it is therefore to see you showing us that it is possible for women, even younger women, to become political leaders, and perhaps more importantly, that it is possible for women to become a very different type of politician. At a time when public trust in politics and politicians – and sadly even in liberal democracy itself – has been eroding at an alarming pace, I find your voice incredibly important, inspiring. Since you ascended to power, you have done things that hadn’t been done before and you did all this in such a natural, organic and modest way that people began to question their own limits and stereotypes. That you gave birth while you were in office was quite extraordinary – although, of course, it shouldn’t be. You have been asked repeatedly whether you found it hard to

106

From Women to the World

balance the two roles: politics and motherhood. I wondered if your male colleagues were asked the same question, whether they found it hard to balance their careers as politicians and the tasks of fatherhood, and if they weren’t asked the same question, why not? Then came the horrific terrorist attacks at Christchurch that murdered 49 innocent people. At this point, sadly, with breaking news of terror attacks and political uncertainties almost every month in some part of the world, so many people had become “desensitized” to the news, and a certain numbness was setting in. But the way you responded to the atrocity was so unusual and so deeply and touchingly human that even those who had become desensitized felt re-energized, re-connected. You have transformed their apathy into empathy. You brought emotional intelligence into mainstream politics, proving that sometimes the best way forward is simply to follow your intuition and to be a human. East and West, extremists divide humanity into “us versus them” and tell young people that “they don’t care for you. They will never feel your pain.” But by caring and connecting, you have single-handedly destroyed that toxic narrative propagated by fanatics and fundamentalists. It is striking that you do what you do without trying to look “perfect” and you can talk about your own anxieties, failures and ups-and-downs. This puts you miles apart from several other women politicians who are extremely careful to always give the impression of being tough and in control, and by doing so, suppress their emotions lest they be seen as “weak”. Compassion is not weakness, and this you have proven. We live in an age in which emotions guide and misguide politics. Unfortunately, it is way too often negative emotions that speak louder and are echoed more widely. Ours is the age of anxiety, fear, anger, resentment – an existential angst looms everywhere. The challenge in front of us is how to channel these negative emotions into positive and constructive narratives. Despite the importance of feelings, it is odd that many political scientists and experts simply ignore them. After all, emotions do not constitute measurable data. Analysts are so obsessed with statistics and graphics that they fail to see there are major undercurrents that are not easily put into numbers. The biggest clashes today are taking place in the world of culture. We need to pay attention to emotions, perceptions, and stories.

The Letters

107

Today you are leading crucial discussions on counterterrorism, climate change, social inequality, tech for humanity, urging tech monopolies to take responsible action, encouraging international cooperation. At a time of increasing polarization and artificial divisions, you continue to bridge gaps. You have brought kindness and inclusivity into politics. I know you have been called a “game changer” before, but I honestly don’t like that definition. I don’t think you see any of this as a “game”. I believe you simply want to do the right thing at the right time – for your country, for the world, and for all those whose voices have for too long been unheard, silenced. In an interview you gave in 2018, you said, “the arts and creativity are integral and inseparable parts of what it is to be human”. This is what we novelists passionately believe in as well. Words matter. Stories matter. The art of storytelling matters. Thank you Jacinda Ardern for being a leader who is not shy to talk about emotions, for being a different kind of politician who listens and connects rather than imposes from above and divides, for being a natural defender of empathy and humanism and women’s rights and minority rights, for being a liberal and progressive with a vision that transcends echo chambers, and ultimately, for being a world citizen and a global soul. Elif Shafak

108

From Women to the World

To my Sister, Mantalena From Eva Kaili MEP (Greece)

“As a newly elected and young MP I had to stand up for people. But there were many moments when I almost broke down.” Eva Kaili is a Member of the European Parliament, Head of the Hellenic S&D Delegation since 2014. In her roles, she has been working intensively on promoting innovation as a driving force of the establishment of the European Digital Single Market. She has been the draftsperson of multiple pieces of legislation in the fields of blockchain technology, online platforms, big data, fintech, AI and cybersecurity. She is the founder of the Future Forum, a network of influential politicians, officials and public figures promoting innovation. She also worked as a journalist and newscaster prior to her political career. Mantalena Kaili is a lawyer as well as co-founder and a director of ElonTech.

The Letters

109

Dear Mantalena, My dearest sister, We have always been so close, so you might be wondering why I am writing this letter to you. The truth is, it is an opportunity to articulate the profound impact you have had and still have on me. You may be three years younger than me, but you know well that this has never stopped me from seeking your guidance and advice on many issues, ranging from the emotional to the professional – your advice has always been mature and caring. We were two carefree little girls growing up in Thessaloniki, the second biggest city in Greece, making plans and dreaming – even at that young age – of conquering the world with scientific discoveries and breakthrough technological innovations that would make the world a happier place for everyone. You were definitely a “dream sister”, the person that first made me realize my potential and motivate me to be active in politics and to always care about everything that happens around me. It was through our conversations that I discovered what political engagement is and how fulfilled it can make you when you fight for what you think is right. During our school years, my first campaign was to run for school council. This I did with you by my side, always there to advise me since those early years. When I was furious about various injustices, you were there to calm me down; when I was too stressed about many of my decisions, you were there to reassure me that my decision was the correct one. A few years later, I was studying Architecture and you were admitted into Law School. Nothing could be more suitable for you than this career path – you have always been charismatic with words. The years passed and my political involvement was increasing. I was elected local councillor in our city, then decided to run for Member of the Greek Parliament after discussing it for hours with you. Can you remember how sure you were about me? How much you urged me to do it even at moments when I was hesitating? It is such bliss to have someone to encourage you at difficult moments. And I now realize how important it is to have a family member, a precious sister as your best friend so close to you. It was you that suggested I should use social media to understand people better and it was exactly what boosted my involvement in politics actually. Let me remind you of a crucial moment of my life. You must remember that when I became a member of the Greek Parliament, it coincided with a most

110

From Women to the World

difficult period for Greek citizens. It was during the harsh period of the economic crisis of 2010 when people in Greece were outraged and protested en masse against the political class. As a newly elected and young MP I had to stand up for people but there were many moments when I almost broke down, having to face so many challenges. You suggested to me to face their concerns without quitting and stay strong for the young generation who just wanted answers for what happened. It was during that period as well, that a fellow MP from my own party instructed me to sit down and stop speaking during a plenary session with a misogynistic attitude. It was a very shocking remark especially since that colleague was a minister of my party at the time. You as my sincere adviser, always by my side, gave me courage to face all the challenges and continue my work. You were the one who comforted me and advized me that I shouldn’t let that go unanswered. That for the sake of all fellow women politicians who have faced similar behaviour, we have to act . . . It was unacceptable that a progressive party in the twenty-first century would accept such misogynistic comments from one of its representatives. As a lawyer you prepared everything for me and helped me in my argumentation. The incident attracted considerable media attention and great support from important politicians and journalists, but my party did not support me in the quest for an official apology. Soon after though, this person lost his seat in the Greek Parliament. It was a small victory for us, for the future generation of women politicians in Greece. And I want to thank you my dear sister, for standing next to me and giving me advice and strength to overcome this kind of bullying. Because this is what it was and the strength you gave me was priceless. I want to close this letter to you, by wishing that all women were fortunate enough to have an “Athena” like you. The same way that the Ancient Greeks turned to their Goddess of Wisdom and Inspiration when they needed to feel confident and secure, I wish that all women in this world could have a sister, a friend, or a companion. An “Athena” that would be their spiritual guide in life, exactly as you are for me. Eva

111

112

From Women to the World

To a Forest of Women, among them Annie Lennox and Carole Cadwalladr From Livia Firth (Italy/UK)

“These are the seeds that need protecting and watering, that remind us that we can’t stop, we won’t stop, because when they try to cut a forest our duty is to protect it.” Livia Firth is the co-founder and Creative Director of Eco-Age and founder of The Green Carpet Challenge (GCC). She is renowned for creating compelling frameworks and campaigns for environmental and social justice with global reach. A founding member of Annie Lennox’s “The Circle”, a powerful women’s advocacy group, she recently presented the findings of The Circle’s Living Wage report to the EU Commission. Livia is a UN Leader of Change and has also been recognized with the UN Fashion 4 Development Award and the Rainforest Alliance Award for Outstanding Achievement in Sustainability. Annie Lennox is a singer, songwriter, campaigner and activist. She has been called “One of the finest musical voices of our time”. Lennox is internationally celebrated as an innovator, an icon, and a symbol of enduring excellence. Carole Cadwalladr is a British author, investigative journalist and a features writer for The Observer. She formerly worked at The Daily Telegraph. Cadwalladr rose to international prominence in 2018 when she exposed the Facebook–Cambridge Analytica data scandal.

The Letters

113

Dear Women, Our relationship is ancestral. They say, “they tried to bury us, but they didn’t know we were seeds”, and so many seeds and versions of you have been planted in my life. If this letter had a title, it would be “The Forest of Women” and my tree branches reach high in the sky because so many of you have been planted to form “my forest”. There is you, my mamma, who actually gave birth to this tree 50 years ago and has been my constant source of inspiration, teaching me how to keep a family together and, later in life, giving me the most extraordinary example of resilience and strength in the face of death. You defeated it not once, but three times and always with such grace and dignity. The fact that you are still dancing on top of tables after dinner parties is a true testament to the strength of women. The seeds that were planted through the years around me and gave shape to my growing forest, all come from extraordinary women. Each one of them, of us, whisper to each other every day, even when we do not realize it. The wind blows gently through our leaves as we release oxygen in the air for all to breathe. There is you, my sister Caterina, and all of you, my soul sisters, whose surrounding branches and foliage have helped me grow and expand fearlessly and full of love. Alice Walker and Angela Davies, who I interviewed back in 2006 for a documentary I produced on African American politics in the USA. Two lionesses who spoke so softly and kindly, so wisely – it was the biggest message for me that to fight for civil liberties and human rights, you don’t have to be aggressive. Annie Lennox, who I met in 2008 when she had a very simple idea: to create a circle of women in London to advocate for disadvantaged women all over the world. That year, a new NGO, the Circle, was born and today we have achieved so much, including a seminal legal report on living wages, published two years ago. Annie was the one who taught me the power of uniting women for other women, and I owe a lot to her in this respect. Thanks to the Circle, I also ended up in Bangladesh for the first time. That trip in 2008 changed my life forever. All the women I met in Bangladesh during my travels (I went back in 2015 again) were the most vulnerable ones I have ever met – disguised as garment

114

From Women to the World

workers, exploited by fashion brands all over the world, abused by factory owners, with no hope of improving their lives whatsoever. These are the seeds that need protecting and watering, that remind us that we can’t stop, we won’t stop, because when they try to cut a forest our duty is to protect it. Naseem Lahri, who I met in December 2019 on a visit in Botswana to go and learn more about diamond mining. The first woman diamond mine managing director in the world (and surely still the only one). She empowers so many other women in that country and stands for their rights and those of the environment too. Carole Cadwalladr, investigative journalist extraordinaire, who for years relentlessly pursued the spiderweb of Cambridge Analytica and didn’t stop (still not stopping!) even in the face of murder threats, online abuses and lawsuits. I am so grateful as my forest is protected by women like you. Mariana Maia, indigenous activist and incredible bridge to many indigenous communities like the Yawanawás and the Huni Kuins. She is on the forefront of many indigenous rights projects and spends most of her time in the forest. Maial Panhpunu, indigenous leader and the first Kayapó to get a law degree! She is 31 years old – the niece of Chief Raoni and the Daughter of Chief Paiakan – and is a key leader in the Kayapó women’s movement. She has already assisted with cases that have successfully won compensation from companies who were mining illegally – as well as assisted other tribes with the demarcation of indigenous land. Harriet and all the women I work with every single day at Eco-Age, who are the nearest trees to me, literally, every day as we build our narrative for a more sustainable future. Trees have been held sacred in many cultures, Buddha reached enlightenment under a tree, and the tree of life is one of the most common symbols in our lives. I owe my 50 years of life to so many of you wonderful women, each one a tree in your own right and all together a powerful forest I am proud to stand tall in. Yours, Livia

115

116

From Women to the World

To my Unborn Granddaughter From Attiya Mahmood (Pakistan)

“This was the Pakistan of the sixties and seventies, before we started drifting to a more fundamental approach, where religious ideology started taking hold.” Attiya Mahmood has served as Ambassador for Pakistan to the Kingdom of Morocco, the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan and the Republic of Indonesia, in addition to serving in various other capacities over 35 years in the Foreign Service of Pakistan. During her tenure in Jordan from 2010 to 2013, she witnessed the transformative events unfolding in the region. She also established the first Human Rights desk at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, during which time she participated in the HR Council meetings in Geneva and United Nations General Assembly sessions in New York. She is also member of a citizens group “Kasur Humara Hai” (the fault is ours), formed following the heinous rape and murder of a young girl, Zainab, in the city of Kasur. The group has worked for legislation to create a national helpline for such incidents.

The Letters

117

My little darling, I write this my child to tell you about myself and how I have lived my life, so you can not only compare but also appreciate the beauty of life as everybody lives it in their own times. May I also wish that you live in a world which is less divisive, more tolerant, more inclusive and appreciative of differences in religions, cultures and backgrounds and indeed colour, less judgemental and less selfish. Amen. My child, I was born in a middle-class family, to parents who migrated from India to the new country of Pakistan, created in 1947. They came to a land of dreams and opportunity and worked hard to provide for a decent living for themselves and their five children. Had our parents stayed in India, as some of our relatives did, I am sure we would not have accomplished what we did in Pakistan, in terms of our education, professions, and standard of living. Our childhood was lived in the “screen” of the garden, the streets, the parks, the libraries and indeed the books. We grew up in the city of saints – Multan, where life was good. My parents had a very active social life, from which we benefitted as well, making friends who have lasted a lifetime. My father was my mentor intellectually and my mother taught me skills and qualities of patience and being non-judgemental. I have vivid memories of discussions with my father at the dining table, where he would be sitting with a book and a notebook, writing and taking notes, for his unfinished books. He was an intellectually charged person, he always answered my questions in a very logical manner, giving me insights into religion and cultural imperatives to be followed in life, besides teaching me philosophy and the history of the world and how ideas can transform individuals and countries. He made me read Toynbee’s A Study of History, The Prince by Machiavelli, and amongst others, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Besides these I used to read a lot of literature and fiction. I recall being so deeply engrossed in the book I would be reading as though I was living in the era and period and had to read the whole book in one go. My first such book was Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. It so consumed me, and I can still recall the intensity of reading it in one go. I was also a very serious reader of comics and playing with dolls! I was a bit of a rebel, my dear. Always giving enough worries to my parents, who tolerated and supported me in all phases of my life.

118

From Women to the World

Like a lot of my generation I also grew up with what was termed as the Leftist ideology. This was the Pakistan of the sixties and seventies, before we started drifting to a more fundamental approach, where religious ideology started taking hold specially in the universities, which became a hotbed of such politics not only radicalizing the young, but also bringing in the gun culture. I was a student of the Journalism Department in the University of Punjab in Lahore and used to take part quite enthusiastically in the politics of the Left. The Islamic Revolution and the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan both occurred in our region in 1979, coinciding with military rule in Pakistan. This was also the year of my father’s passing away and my joining the Foreign Service of Pakistan. It was a very tumultuous and defining period, not only of my life but also of my country and indeed the whole world. Pakistan saw a shift in its complexion, dividing the populace into two distinct camps, religious and liberal. The sanctions imposed on Pakistan by the US at the end of the Cold War for pursuing our nuclear capability also resulted in a strong anti-US sentiment in Pakistan and played into the emergence of an extremist ideology, which has continued since then. With the incidents of 9/11, in which not one Pakistani was involved, Pakistan suffered the most, despite siding with the world in the war against terrorism. This also fuelled public sentiment and turned hundreds ready to fight the infidels (the West and its ideology). I recall at one time, when we were a handful of girls in the Foreign Service, we came to know of an impending order from the then (Military) President making it compulsory for women in the Government services to cover their heads. This incidentally had already happened on TV where newsreaders were mandated to cover their heads. Another was the ban on postings of lady diplomats abroad on the premise that how will unmarried diplomats manage themselves alone in Foreign Lands! There was a rebellion of sorts, and despite the possibility of dismissal from the Service, we made it known to our senior colleagues that no such order would be followed and may result in embarrassment to the Government. The idea was throttled. There is surely strength in numbers, as all of us women were united, but for the right cause. From then in the early eighties to now there has been a lot of change in the Foreign Service alone, where we have seen an intake of almost 50 per cent

The Letters

119

women in the Service at the entry level. This is also true of a growing number of girls participating in all sectors of national life. The majority of the position holders in academia are girls. This is a silent revolution taking place. Sadly, as more and more women leave their homes and enter the workplace at all levels, incidents of injustice against women are also on the rise. The media is also more sensitized to reporting such incidents now than ever before. This is a society in transition, where traditional values are confronted with issues of modernity, which sometimes clash and sometimes find a common denominator. It would be a success if we were to come to an understanding appreciating diversity and inculcating tolerance. My Child, I lived in seven countries in my profession spanning over 35 years. Starting from Toronto, followed by Ankara, Manila, London, Rabat, Amman and Jakarta from where I retired. The last three places I had the privilege to serve as the Ambassador of Pakistan. A proud moment for me and a fitting tribute to my parents. My brother wrote a very touching letter on my first ambassadorial assignment. I quote with a great sense of pride:“Representing one’s country has always been a task to be taken with all senses sharp and all sensibilities acknowledged . . . You have made your mark with sweat and toil, without fear or favour in an environment dominated by males of all sorts. And that matters.” My diplomatic travels have enriched my life tremendously and opened my mind in ways unknown. I have encountered all types of situations during these travels. Sometimes defending the indefensible, and at times making the distinction of defending the country versus defending the government of the day. In my first posting in the eighties, I recall with amusement, some of the questions hilariously implied that perhaps we Pakistanis were living on trees in a jungle and wearing a different attire! I also recall, this time not with amusement, that on occasions in many countries, when I accompanied the ambassador, people would think that I was a secretary to the ambassador and on social occasions, his wife. Even at times when I was myself the ambassador, I was mistaken for a wife! It actually infuriated me, as I was an officer in my own right. It reflected an attitude of mind with regard to women and their status in society, not only in Pakistan but worldwide. I also recall some of our colleagues would invariably use words of endearment in addressing their

120

From Women to the World

women colleagues, to indicate camaraderie! Things have mercifully changed because of efforts put in by each and every working woman the world over to bring about a change in such perceptions. I would wish to see you work in an environment free from the nuances of gender in workplaces of the future. The need of travelling might diminish, my darling, in your times when the world can be viewed in your palm, but don’t underestimate the pleasures of movement, travelling and learning, physically living in different worlds, each one so magical and full of surprises. You will find people the world over very similar despite having different references and beliefs. Humanity has the same good values and customs to fall back on. “Global Village” took on an entirely new meaning when Covid-19, an unknown viral infection, appeared. The whole of humanity found itself together in ways not imagined earlier. Self-isolation turned out to be the only way to avoid getting infected. The isolation made us more open to sharing old memories, books, pictures and anecdotes from our childhood, which were shared with each other and happy moments relived. The concept of individuality and self-focus took a back seat when dependency was rediscovered. Covid-19 taught us that “when you sneezed, I was at risk”, akin to “your independence ends where my nose begins”. Thus, we all depended on each other for our lives and had to self-isolate. The neighbourhood spirit returned, and we shared getting groceries for each other to reduce the risks. (An aside, my little darling, was that I gave up wearing the bra for the longest period that I could recall! Ah what freedom it brought! You will know it in due course of time, love.) Many people came out for healthy lifestyles in walking and bicycling in the evening. The sigh of relief from the universe, that we are bent upon destroying, became palpable. The creek opposite my home looked so much bluer than before, the sky clearer, and visibility increased. Technology, its reach and access also took on a new meaning. Working from home became a norm for the corporate world as well as the educational institutions. Your brother’s day care also started lessons on Zoom! I so wish that some of the positives from this experience may continue even after, hopefully, the virus is tackled. If we fail to learn from this experience my dear, we would have lost it all.

The Letters

121

I can also see that the world in which you will enter will be very competitive and challenging. Girls across all ages have had to compromise more than their male partners. In a world where old customs are being questioned and new concepts of relationships are emerging, you will have to manoeuvre very wisely. Do not fall a victim of the male superiority syndrome. Both genders were created equal albeit different. Always keep that in mind. Respect, trust, kindness, compassion and accommodation are the keywords for any and all relationships that you will have in life. Learn also to forgive and forget. Life is too short to nurse disagreements and disputes. My one advice to you my little one would be to avoid being judgemental. Making judgements is God’s prerogative not a human’s. So never judge. Secondly, always remember that “Every (wo) man is a hostage of his(er) own deeds” Surah at-toor of the Holy Quran. So, my child, think deeply before you decide on every step in your life. Listen to sane advice from your parents always and do not have a rejectionist view. Positivity is the best quality to have so be positive and have an open mind always. Don’t put yourself in a position from where return is not possible. Yours one and only, Nani Attiya Mahmood

122

From Women to the World

To Shyama Perera From Dame Martina Milburn DCVO, CBE (UK)

“Our biggest strength was being able to help each other find resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulty.” Dame Martina Milburn DCVO, CBE joined The Prince’s Trust in May 2004 and became Group Chief Executive in 2017. She is responsible for overseeing the success of the six charitable organizations within The Prince’s Trust Group covering the UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United States, and International. Dame Martina trained and began her career as a journalist. Dame Martina has been a trustee of several charities including the National Citizen Service and Capital City College Group. In 2018, she became Chair of the Social Mobility Commission. Dame Martina received a CBE for services to charity in 2013. In the 2017 New Year Honours list she received the honour of Dame Commander of the Royal Victorian Order (DCVO). Shyama Perera is a writer and broadcaster. Her first novel, Haven’t Stopped Dancing Yet, was published by Sceptre in 1999. Three further books followed. Shyama is a Fellow of the Royal Literary Fund, Chair of the South Asian Diaspora Arts Archive (SADAA), and an online theatre reviewer. She writes for the national press, mentors and edits new writers, and is a regular commentator on TV and radio.

The Letters

123

Dear Shyama, For more than 40 years you have been the keeper of my secrets, the safe place to turn to when life gets tough. The person who has dried my tears and most importantly the person who has brought laughter and sunshine into my life. My inspiration. We met as carefree young women, full of hope, optimism and a huge passion to change the world. Both journalists, I only got my first job because the UK passed the Sex Discrimination Act in 1975 – the year before I left school. It concerned employment, training, education and harassment. Little did we realize that it would take a lot more than a single law before we stopped having our bottoms pinched at the photocopier or being groped in the office lift. Social causes further united us we marched against nuclear disarmament, supported the unions during the miners’ strike, fought for women’s rights, joined Amnesty International and opposed apartheid. Opposition mattered and we were in the thick of it. Your career took off and you became a celebrity, ensuring we got the best table in any Indian restaurant in London as carloads of your fans followed us around town. We danced and sang to David Bowie, celebrated at Freddie Mercury’s fortieth birthday and regularly partied until dawn. Then I became pregnant with your godson and reality started to dawn. I was initially refused maternity leave on the basis no other woman had taken it and my organization didn’t have a policy. Apparently Catholic mothers were not supposed to return to work and unmarried ones should just not be in this position, even those with a partner. You will remember my shock when the antenatal nurse announced babies needed feeding every three to four hours, even through the night. Never having had any interest in or known any babies, I thought she was joking! One shock followed another, a traumatic pregnancy was followed by a traumatic birth and a baby who didn’t sleep for 12 months. You were my saviour – even arranging for your mother to babysit my screaming child so we could go out for lunch to help restore my sanity. We returned to find he had slept for hours, lulled into unconsciousness by the party conference season and the political speeches your Mum was watching on the television.

124

From Women to the World

Exhausted and traumatized I went back to work after six months – the maximum maternity leave allowed in the 1980s – to find that although the law said yes, it was the culture of an organization which dictated the rules and everything possible was done to make my life uncomfortable and to ensure I left as soon as possible. Your support and endless patience with late night phone calls couldn’t save me this time but I determined that if I ever rose to a senior position in an organization, I would ensure full support was given to all women returning from maternity leave and staff would enjoy a positive culture. It took another eight years to achieve my first CEO’s post, but that lesson has never left me. More children followed for me and you and our days of activism were replaced by long conversations around child development, schools, exams, university and, finally, work for our incredible offspring. We experienced the joy and heartache of watching our children become adults, taking up some of our causes, flying the nest and moving to other countries. All of them developing a strong social conscience and a huge curiosity and openness for other cultures. There were difficulties along the way – when my son had heart surgery and you and I spent the night watching him in intensive care, other friends kindly sent flowers, but you arrived at the hospital with cheesecake and gin. When my final baby was stillborn and you sat and wiped my tears; when my father died of cancer aged 62 years, followed by my mother a few years later. All creating a grief so deep that life was never quite the same. There were also triumphs – the publication of your novels, your amazing mentoring and nurturing of young women and eventually me becoming Chief Executive of The Prince’s Trust. In this role I have been able to follow your example and to support so many, especially young women, who just needed a helping hand. To try and give them what you have given me all these years. The great joy is so many of them have stayed in touch during my 15 years in post and I have been privileged to share in their successes – women who have gone from prison to running successful business, from being nearly destroyed because of rape by a stepfather to qualifying as a nurse, from living on the streets to managing a high street retail store. When asked what made the

The Letters

125

difference, so many say, “The Prince’s Trust became my friend, my family”. The supporter we all need. These women in turn have helped shape my life, seeing and hearing about the difficulties they have overcome is huge testament to the human spirit and watching as they in turn want to “give something back” and mentor others has been a source of true inspiration. We have rejoiced together as they have moved on to build successful lives and families. Now as we both approach old age, I wonder what we have learnt, is there anything of use we can pass on to the next generation, anything that might help? It seems our biggest strength was being able to help each other find resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulty. To have a friend who said “cut the crap” when we got too ahead of ourselves but who was always there when needed. We are and were family. Our bonds extending to our children, my sons and your daughters growing up feeling like brothers and sisters. Your Mum being granny to them all. We learnt the hard way that the culture of an organization is everything, how it treats its staff and creates great values being the best way to ensure longevity and a solid bottom line. We guessed in our twenties that treating others well was important, other than that we trusted our instincts and each other to see us through. We know in our sixties that this valuing of others, that treating others as you would wish to be treated yourself needs to be more than words – even when you can’t agree or find common ground. We have found ways to help each other see the positive when all is looking bleak. Most importantly, we discovered that combining this simple guidance of trying to do the right thing with lots and lots of laughter and a good, trusted friend helps the problems in life work themselves out. My strong advice to the next generation is try your best, treat people with respect – even those you don’t like – but make sure you have fun along the way. Find someone who can keep your feet on the ground but encourage your dreams. Most importantly, go and live every moment! Martina

126

From Women to the World

To All Young Women From Christina Nielsen (Denmark)

“I kept my mouth shut and rolled with the punches in some cases. Looking back, I wish I would have put my foot down earlier or walked away.” Christina Nielsen is a sports car driver from Denmark. She is a two-time champion and has made history as a woman. In 2016, when the team and herself won the IMSA WeatherTech Championship, she became the first woman to ever win a major full season sportscar championship in North America and the success was repeated in 2017. Racing is her passion and motorsports has always been an integral part of her life. Her father, Lars Erik Nielsen, raced for many years. He raced at legendary events such as the 24 Hours of Le Mans, 24 Hours of Daytona and 12 Hours of Sebring. She’s been racing against men for all of her career having been the only woman driver on the track.

The Letters

127

Dear Young Women, Being a racecar driver for the last 15 years of my life has included working and being a part of a world dominated by men. With that said, there have been a few women creating amazing results and history in the world of racing. I did not work closely with many of them. The people who have been a part of making a difference in my career have therefore mainly been men. I guess it is possible to categorize people by their gender, however I remember them as amazing individuals who I have been so lucky to have as a part of my journey. That journey included becoming a two-time champion in the States and making history as a woman by being the first to ever win a major full season sportscar championship in North America. I have always said that: “I am not a woman who is a racecar driver, I am a racecar driver who is a woman.” I say this because I want within our industry to be acknowledged as a driver first and a woman second. Growing up I fell in love with driving and my gender never played a role in terms of what I wanted to do. As my career developed and I began to race in all parts of the world, I started to realize that my reality was not same as others’. As I grew older and became more aware of the social norms and cultural differences that affected how our sport is perceived, it made me want to be a part of changing the opinion of motorsport being “a man’s world”. I used to get annoyed every time I would be sitting in a driver meeting and they kept referring to the driver as “he” or “him”. When on the grid ready to start a race and the announcer said, “Gentlemen start your engines!”, I thought “why can’t they just say drivers?”. So, to help with this change what would I have done differently when I was younger? I have always been a firm believer in partnerships, and while I knew I had to put in the work, I believed in building relationships that could make us grow together. Racing is often seen as an individual sport, with the drivers getting all the attention, but the truth is that it is very much a team effort. Nevertheless, looking back I sometimes wish I would have put my trust in a more select group of people. I do think it is important to try and see the best in people, but it is also necessary to acknowledge when people do not have your best interests at heart. I kept my mouth shut and rolled with the punches in some cases and looking back I wish I would have put my foot down earlier or walked away.

128

From Women to the World

I also know now that building up the courage to walk away from a situation or believing that you can still rise from a bad situation on your own, and not let the fear of it dragging you down if you decided to continue without others, does not happen overnight. The men I admired did not waste their energy on things that were out of their control, but they successfully navigated their reaction to the situation. They did it with confidence and with grace. Characteristics that I to this day still work on mastering. I know their ability to navigate situations with such grace also comes from a lifetime of experiences. I therefore try my best to learn from every experience because I know it will be beneficial for me and the people around me long term. There are a lot of emotions involved in my job. When your job is your passion you pour your heart and soul into it and that does not come without risk. The disappointments hurt and the victories are a rush that can’t be described by words. Now, I am a person with fire inside me. I have learned when to use it and when I have to get it under control and understand how much of a difference the right kind of communication can make. You might be shouting louder but people won’t hear you. Attacking with words does not lead to any good and as a woman in a world dominated by men, we quickly get judged by such behaviour. A man speaks up in an aggressive tone – he must be serious; we have to fix this issue. A woman does the same thing and she is a drama queen. Today I aim to communicate in ways where I know my input is being heard. I know my behaviour and my way of handling a situation is being watched by the people I work with and the outside world. Just like a strong work ethic from their side is essential for me to feel motivated, I need to provide a strong example for them as well. Especially during the tough times, I know I need to set a strong example and look for solutions not problems. When asked what advice I would give to young girls getting into our sport, the first thing I always say is that they need to grow some thick skin. Secondly, quitters don’t survive. In my opinion it normally takes longer for women to gain the respect of our peers within our industry. Which means that you are likely to come across situations where you won’t be able to find motivation through the people around you because you might not have earned their respect yet. It is therefore also important to be able to find motivation within yourself. Even if the overall project might not succeed, you can leave knowing that you did everything in your power to create the best result possible. Lastly, these kinds of situations will also make you feel like a

The Letters

129

failure from time to time. It will make you question your ability to “make it”. Question if you have what it takes – and that’s okay. I still have that fear from time to time and I believe a lot of people do. I choose to see it as a little fear, or perhaps voice, that keeps us on our toes and never lets us settle in a comfort zone. Having gone through these experiences I am aware that I do not always get to pick who I work with and I just have to make the best of what I’ve got. However, if I am given the opportunity to choose, I first make sure that the value I bring is considered important for whatever project I am a part of. Secondly, I know my value and I focus on working with people whose value complements mine. Motorsport like any other industry is highly affected by your network and is dependent on your reputation. Yet there is something I continue to remind myself, that no matter what people might say or think, they cannot take my championship titles away from me. I will always be a champion and a champion is remembered. The year we won the first championship in 2016 was one of the first moments I truly felt proud as a woman. In our type of racing there are four classes and two drivers share the car for the season, which means that at the end of the year you have eight champions in total. As we stood on stage receiving the final championship trophy for the night, I looked to my left. Looked at the seven men I shared the stage with. With the entire room applauding us, I for the first time felt proud as a driver and as a woman. At the end of the day, I would like to be remembered as a respected champion. A driver who was a good person and a woman who was a part of making a difference within our industry. I am now a co-founder of a company called Accelerating Change, which creates experiences and opportunities for women within the automotive space. Furthermore, I still race competitively in an effort that supports women within the world of motorsport and creates opportunities for us in the industry. We still compete on equal terms with the men, but I now have women co-drivers who also wish to leave a positive mark and wish to be a part of making a change. Nevertheless, my all-time favourite advice was given to me many years ago and it still remains my favourite. It was given to me by a person who used to be my coach. A person I now consider a friend and actually also a competitor because we compete in the same series. He told me, “Be a swan. Strong and elegant. But underneath the surface the feet are pedaling away like crazy.” Christina

130

From Women to the World

To My Sisters Around The World From Femi Oke (UK/Nigeria)

“There’s a phase of womanhood that we don’t talk about enough, especially in public. It crept up and ambushed me when I wasn’t ready.” Femi Oke is an international journalist, broadcaster and moderator. She is currently based in Washington, DC, where she hosts the interactive current affairs show The Stream for Al Jazeera English. Oke’s reporting has been recognized by the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS), the African Communications Agency, InterAction and the Radio and Television Academy of Uganda. Since the 1980s, she has worked for BBC Television and Radio, other UK terrestrial television networks, Sky TV, CNN and US public radio.

The Letters

131

Open Letter in Case of Emergencies! Dearest Sisters around the world, To pick just one of you as my muse is impossible. I’m so much wiser, more patient and kinder because we’re a team. In the spirit of sisterhood, I am going to share some of the times you’ve helped me, so together maybe we can help others. What better place to start than with babies? My two nephews burst into the world in a warm birthing pool and I was right there on the bodily fluids front-line, empathy breathing and pushing with my sister and her husband. I was enthralled as one baby nephew emerged still in his amniotic sac. It was peeled off him like shrink wrap supermarket packaging. If a family member or close friend invites you to be at the birth of their child, be prepared. There will be screaming and there will be blood. Imagine a shark attack crossed with a slasher horror film and that’s probably about the right quantity of blood you will encounter pooling on the floor and splashed against the walls. On the plus side you will fall in love with a little human covered in greasy white stuff. Only kids can get away with looking that gross and still be lovable. Spending time with my sister giving birth was also the occasion of one of my proudest and most humbling moments. When a nurse approached me in the hospital with a broad smile of recognition, I mentally prepared myself for her question: “Do I know you?”, she asked me. My sister rolled her eyes. I know exactly what she was thinking. Even while giving birth she couldn’t escape being related to a TV journalist. The nurse continued: “Are you a midwife?” My sister laughed so hard she almost broke her stitches. That was a lesson in humility 101, but hey, on the plus side I was proud to have been mistaken for a midwife. Always have at least one friend who you trust and will tell you honestly when you’re making bad decisions. My closest girlfriend is called Tumi. My name is Femi. People mix us up even though she’s South African and I’m a British Nigerian and we live on different continents. Getting mixed up used to be a constant source of annoyance until we decided to prank our work colleagues to see if they really couldn’t tell us apart. Once while working together at CNN International we swapped names to see if anybody would notice. I became Tumi and she became Femi. We conducted our entire segment on the air using each other’s names. Nobody in the control room noticed! On another point, there’s a phase of womanhood that we don’t talk about enough, especially in public. It crept up and ambushed me when I wasn’t ready

132

From Women to the World

and I don’t want that to happen to you, or people you care about when they get to a certain age. Hello menopause, I’m talking about you. It started for me with Broadcast News levels of perspiring. If you don’t know the film, add it to your must-watch classic movies list. There’s an unforgettable, hilarious scene where a reporter played by Albert Brooks is given a shot at presenting a newscast. Brooks’ character starts to sweat so profusely that he’s never allowed to anchor again. Now I wasn’t THAT bad, but I did find myself in my late forties not knowing when my face would turn into a human sprinkler system. It would happen at bizarre times. In editorial meetings at work I’d pretend I’d just run up the stairs to get to the conference room. Sitting in the make-up chair before rehearsals I’d fib about having just run across the road to pick up my lunch. I was freaking out. Surely it was only a matter of time before my face started warming up and leaking on live TV? As much as I love Broadcast News, I didn’t want to recreate its most famous scene on Al Jazeera. So, I booked myself an appointment with my fabulous woman doctor, the heroine of this sweaty story. We chatted, we laughed, we talked about menopause, she gave me a prescription, and I felt “normal” again. On a trip to see my mother we compared menopause experiences, but until recently I’ve never talked about it with anybody else. Even with all my confidence I was uncomfortable asking and talking to other women about a part of our lives that’s totally natural. So, I’ve shared my take on extreme amounts of blood in the birthing room, extremely short skirts, and extreme sweating. A last point before I leave you: during the global pandemic we learned that there may be times when we have to keep our distance in order to protect ourselves and others. Yet, I know that even then, we can always find ways to embrace and support each other, figuratively if not physically. This entire book is proof of that. My work is done here. Thank you, sisters, to all of you who helped me navigate through my journey, and for all the lives you’ll go on to influence. Take care . . . and HRT if you ever need it! With love, Femi Femi Oke International Journalist

133

134

From Women to the World

To My Mother, Rhoda Spielman Tzemach From Gayle Tzemach Lemmon (USA)

“I had been raised by women who had been undervalued and underestimated by the outside world. I knew, intimately and personally, why reframing the way we saw these stories mattered.” Gayle Tzemach Lemmon is an adjunct senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations and Partner and Chief Marketing Officer at the national defence technology firm Shield AI. She is author of New York Times bestsellers Ashley’s War: The Untold Story of a Team of Women Soldiers on the Special Ops Battlefield (2015) and The Dressmaker of Khair Khana (2011), about a young entrepreneur who supported her community under the Taliban. Lemmon led public policy analysis during the 2008 financial crisis for the global investment firm PIMCO. Her work from Syria, Afghanistan, Rwanda, Liberia, and beyond has appeared in Foreign Affairs, Harvard Business Review, and The Atlantic, among others. A board member of the NGO Mercy Corps and a member of the Bretton Woods Committee, she speaks Spanish, German, French, and is conversant in Dari and basic Kurmanji. Rhoda Spielman Tzemach was a writer from Perth Amboy, New Jersey, who published poetry until she left school. She studied at Boston University for three years and wrote poetry and loved books, reading them voraciously until her passing. Active in our community and in our synagogue, she was the best friend anyone could want and many claimed her as their best friend. A single mom, she worked at the telephone company and sold Tupperware to make sure that her daughter had every opportunity imaginable. She taught Gayle everything, including the power of strength, grace, courage and never, ever giving up a fight or giving in to doubt. She died of cancer at age 36 in 1987.

The Letters

135

My Mother, This letter is to say thank you. Anything and everything I am ever able to accomplish is because of your example, your wisdom, your heart, your humour and your indefatigable ability to look life in the face no matter what, and confront what lies ahead. We faced a great deal together and you taught me so many things. Three of them remain with me each day I have the privilege of being alive. First, your most favourite saying: “On a scale of major world tragedies, yours is not a three.” When you said that to me when I was seven or eight, I would groan. And of course, I would object. I found the saying neither helpful nor healing while I complained about whatever the day had brought. But as I grew older, your saying taught me everything about the power of perspective and the glorious beauty of never sweating things which would matter little in the end. You taught me that I must take on a select number of battles and wage them with joy, not resentment, and that facing all comers with strength and grace would always offer the surest path to achieving the change I sought. Later, while studying Journalism at Missouri, covering politics at ABC News, pursing an MBA at Harvard, even while enjoying the privilege of traveling to Afghanistan and Syria, where real tragedies had indeed occurred, your words stayed with me and kept me from mistaking a crisis for an inconvenience and a heartache from a headache. And what stayed with me most was that even when real tragedy did indeed strike, when you faced a diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer at the age of 33, you did not shift your mindset, nor did you allow us even a moment of self-pity. Your belief in the power of staring life in the face and finding the grace even in the adversity, the perspective even amid great pain, never wavered. Your strength taught me by example. We had never had much in terms of a material life. And that brings me to my second piece of your advice which has guided me for decades. Life is hard. When I was small, we faced so very much together. My father and your former husband who did the best he could, but who caused the police to come to our house for domestic disturbances on a not-infrequent basis. Your job as a service representative with the telephone company, which you did not love and for which you remained a thousand times overqualified, but of which you made the best no matter what. Your squashed dreams of becoming a writer and a playwright which you shoved into the back of your imagination as you

136

From Women to the World

worked two jobs, selling Tupperware at night to make sure I had every opportunity you could have hoped for: piano, gymnastics, religious training. At one point the cancer sought to travel to your brain. This meant you endured spinal taps more than once a week, along with radiation and chemo which took your hair and sapped you of energy. But you never complained – at least that I heard. And you made me think it all was quite normal, just what anyone else’s mom faced at the time. If I whined or felt sorry for myself, you made clear you would have none of it. “Life is hard,” you would say. “Don’t look for it to be anything else.” That example serves me so often. I have never looked for things to be easy or to be achieved on the first try, because your words about the challenges embedded in life resonate still in my ears and my imagination. While others around me, especially the more I have been able to achieve, feel setbacks deeply and personally and sometimes fatally, you taught me so very much about getting back up no matter what comes that I took resilience as a foregone conclusion rather than a learned luxury. Before attending Harvard Business School and receiving the honor of a Fulbright, I thought those who had more, who lived in the highest-altitude regions where the air flowed thinnest possessed a great deal of the answers to life’s outstanding questions. But after exposure to those who have experienced privilege often unchecked by the truest tests posed by the greatest challenge, I realize just how fortunate I have been. Being raised by you, in a community of upper-lowerclass single moms, all of whom worked two jobs, sometimes three, each of whom loved us with bountiful unconditionality, offered the defining Master Class in the power of going to work no matter what. It taught me to embrace tests and welcome challenge and to never look for an easy way out, but for the right way in. Much later, when I faced the choice of either remaining in a comfortable, lucrative financial services role with colleagues I respected deeply or of daring to pursue the writing of my first book and my deep desire to make a difference by shining a spotlight on women whose lives I believed mattered, your example inspired me. Because I had never had it easy, I could embrace risk. Because I had never been raised to be handcuffed by comfort, I could dare big. Because I had been raised by women who had been undervalued and underestimated by the outside world, I knew, intimately and personally, why reframing the way we saw these stories mattered.

The Letters

137

You empowered me to believe, to dare, to risk, to dream, to aspire, to achieve, to fail and to succeed. And you taught me that living a safe life would matter little if, at the end of it, I would be forced to digest the unattempted memory of all the hard trials I hadn’t attempted whose conquering would have brought me the greatest accomplishment. By living your life so fully for only the 36 years you possessed it, you gave me a heritage and a legacy which has proven unbounded by time. When I found out in 2011 that I would have my first baby just a week before my first book was published, it was your memory and the words of my Tia Gloria, your beloved and adopted friend, who taught me this: Never import other people’s limitations. You had done so much with so little and while facing such hardship that I could hardly think about all the reasons I couldn’t give birth to both a baby and a book simultaneously. After all, I had a wonderful husband and supportive in-laws plus a helpful publicist and publishing house. What more did I need? Of course it would be fine. Finally, your example taught me to be a parent. It is far too early to tell whether I will have succeeded as a parent, but I have no doubt that yours is the example to which I strive to be worthy. You did not need to be the perfect parent; instead, you were an adult who taught me about the world with a love so plentiful that I never doubted in it for a moment. Even while I complained about how little we had: how our china came from the grocery store, our toys from the yard sale and our clothes from consignment stores and layaway, you never dismissed me or told me how ungrateful I was. Instead, you pushed me to work for what I wanted and, if I wanted my life to look different, as you wanted for me, then I had better get to work doing big things to make that possible. I worry sometimes that with the comfort and privilege your sacrifice made possible in my life, my children will not know the hunger of striving. But then I think about your example of courage and grace and strength. If I can live up to even a fraction of that for them as you did for me, they will be fine. On a scale of major world tragedies, yours is not a three. Life is hard. Never import other people’s limitations. Thank you for being you. And for making me, me. Gayle

138

From Women to the World

To the Anonymous Woman From Mariane Pearl (France)

“You are the one left alone with your silent cry: war doesn’t breed winners, you want to say, it only breeds misery. But who was listening? ” Mariane Pearl is an award-winning journalist and writer. She is currently the managing editor of CHIME FOR CHANGE global journalism platform that focuses on helping women and girls speak for themselves. The platform has published stories from more than 45 countries since its launch in 2013. She directed her pilot project “Women’s Voices Within” in Erbil, Iraq with Yazidi refugees. Mariane is the author of A Mighty Heart: The Brave Life and Death of My Husband Danny Pearl (Scribner). First published in the United States in 2003, Mariane’s memoir celebrating the values of humanism and dignity is a detailed account of the investigation into the kidnap and murder of her journalist husband Dan in Pakistan. The book won international praise and was translated into 16 languages. In 2007, it was released as a major feature movie starring Angelina Jolie in the role of Mariane Pearl.

139

The Letters

“For most of history, anonymous was a woman.” VIRGINIA WOOLF Dear Anonymous, Will your name be honoured; will your story be told? Will the past make amends? I see You behind all these young women with old souls, who are standing for gender justice. They’re everywhere: Kinshasa, New York City, Bogota or Shanghai, restoring your memory and praising the unsung sacrifice that was your life. They’re your daughters, breaking free from the violence that has befallen You, and every single woman of your lineage. They’re also breaking the silence and defying impunity. Seemingly emerging from the earth, itself, these women rise at an unprecedented pace and with a determination that cannot be detained. Of course, they still must put their lives (and yours by proxy) on the line, refusing to be married off as children, mutilated, deprived of land rights, or held back by hundreds of discriminative laws. Have you ever heard of the unknown soldier? He always makes me think of You. In fact, he could be You, as he doesn’t have a name, a nationality or a say. In Paris where I grew up, the combatant (from the First World War) is buried beneath l’Arc de Triomphe, a shrine to patriotism shaped as a horseshoe that dominates the Champs Elysees avenue. He’s the token deceased soldier; as such he represents all those killed in conflict. History likes it short and palatable. Like the unknown soldier you have been made famous for representing everyone, if everyone is made of nobodies. Two million victims in France and only one unidentified body. Anonymous . . . You’re that tiny silhouette that stays behind on the train platform disappearing from views and memories. You are the one left alone with your silent cry: war doesn’t breed winners, you want to say, it only breeds misery. But who was listening? You didn’t get to write history; You were brushed off its pages like the remains of a sharpened pencil. But you’ve embraced it, you’ve stomached it. You learned to walk in the dark while pointing to the light, which sounds like a metaphor for human spirituality, provided that people behave like humans. Many of your perpetrators didn’t. But your daughters are now armed with your eternal flame, your spirit, one that neither guns nor fists

140

From Women to the World

have ever managed to extinguish, even as You remained in the shadow of whatever generation you belonged to. Today you’re still the one who stays behind to do the work, to feed, and to nurse. You dig holes in the ground to bury your pain. You break your back bending over the fields collecting café grains or sugar cane without pay. Doing laundry and homework and cooking and holding the fort of your domestic life. For the longest time, You have taught your daughters to be good second-class citizens, it was for their own safety. in 2018, 3.8 million women in Africa had their breasts flattened with old irons and rocks, so they won’t be attractive to the men that could rape them. And, if the rape happens anyway, they will be rejected by the community and lose their sanity to shame and blame. I am left to wonder what History would look like if we had been stirring it your way. You want to remind us: History doesn’t believe in individuals, it likes labels better and icons, preferably dead ones. Sparse narratives, taglines with a few impactful words such as bravery and allegiance, a few nods at your sacrifice, calling on your heralded martyrdom to give you a reason to live but more importantly to give you a reason to die. But You are everything that History doesn’t say, aren’t you? You are all the women in the unknown soldier’s short life, You are his mother and mine, your own mother dear reader, You are the sisters, daughters, and aunts. You are every woman who’s ever reassured me that life goes on. Remember when I “met” You in Kampala, Uganda? Six flickering candles were casting a soft light in the otherwise dark room. On the photograph, your face came and went, I imagined that this room used to be your sanctuary as you fed ten people three times a day. Or maybe it was your prison and you wanted to be an airplane pilot instead of a universal mother. I stood there watching the bouncy shadows dancing around your emaciated face, draped in your cloths of fading colours, you were not smiling on that picture. You were staring through it as if you wanted to break free from the photographs that had turned You into a mere memory, when what You had left was a legacy. You had nine children and your husband was dead, he had brought the HIV to the house. Outside your humble hut, there was a sign advertizing abstinence as a method to avoid getting infected. Everything you knew about men, having otherwise survived domestic violence, is that they don’t go for abstinence. You

The Letters

141

rose to the height of your female grace when you decided that you wouldn’t buy the anti-retroviral drug that could prolong your life. You were going to give this money to your eldest daughter Julian. You asked her on your deathbed to go to college and see to it that she becomes a doctor, an HIV specialist. Julian took the torch and kept it burning. Today she is one of the most famous forces in Africa advocating for Ugandan doctors to join a pan African initiative helping doctors remain in their country instead of moving abroad in search of better salaries. Your name was Rose. I think of You when I watch the news where You are conspicuous by your absence. In 2020, in the latest delivery of world problems, the then US President Donald Trump turned completely mad advising his people to drink bleach. In the same year Canada banned assault-style weapons after its worst mass murder leaving 22 dead. US health agency’s top spokesperson Michael Caputo tweeted sexist and crude insinuations towards several women he called “dog faced”. Meanwhile the country’s presidential Democratic candidate was accused (and denied) assaulting a staff assistant. Domestic violence rose by 38 per cent average worldwide. The coronavirus has affected millions of people, it’s the worst economic crisis since the 1930s, and the Amazon was just on fire. It’s not like we don’t need You. Had You seen it coming? This year, women walked in 319 different locations in the US alone. After marching in Tahrir Square and at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC, they drove together in Saudi Arabia, demonstrated for equal rights everywhere, gathered to take back the night, or gained jurisdiction over their own bodies. They come together as mothers to call for gun control. They also send each other supportive emails and contribute to their respective causes. It took a long time and enumerable unknown heroes, but here we are. And I pray that in your great wisdom You are not overlooking this emerging women’s capital and leadership. As I write this, I have been in lockdown for a month and a half because of the Covid-19 virus that has paralysed the planet. As you well know, it’s in a time of crisis that we witness character or the lack thereof. You can guess the rest: women are only 7 per cent of world leaders, ten out of 152 elected Heads of States. Well, it is those ten ladies who have outshone the 93 per cent with their leadership and authority (and by saving tens of

142

From Women to the World

thousands of lives) in countries as far removed from one another as New Zealand, Finland, Taiwan, Germany . . . The press is shyly calling these women leaders, “The voices of reason”. They acted fast and knew what to do. The Finnish prime minister who was then 34 years-old, saw her approval ratings soar by 85 per cent for her handling of the crisis. The total number of victims there is a third of the daily body count in Spain. Dear anonymous, token women for all of us, no one knows what the future holds, You probably never knew either. The best we can do is speculate, but I know that women are finally going to be free to shine and heal a wounded world, coronavirus included, with their little hands and their big hearts, they always have. Women taking the lead, stirring History also means that we finally are going to provide human answers to human problems, fight war with peace and ignorance with emotional intelligence. That is the kind of History “voices of reason” are writing with great humility and greater courage. Mariane Pearl

143

144

From Women to the World

To my Wife, Hanan Kattan From Shamim Sarif (UK/Canada)

“Was that what drew us together and made us follow this deep attraction? Was it a need to be true to our real selves? Whatever it was, I fell in love with you.” Writer and director Shamim Sarif is an award-winning novelist, screenwriter, and film director. Her book The Shadow Mission is an all-women contemporary action thriller. Shamim’s most recent feature as writer/director is Despite the Falling Snow, which was released in the US in March 2017. The movie has garnered 13 awards to date. Hanan Kattan is the award-winning sole producer of four feature films. Her first feature film, I Can’t Think Straight, won eleven awards and the follow-up movie, The World Unseen, had its debut at the prestigious Toronto Film Festival before going on to garner 23 awards internationally, including 11 SAFTAs (South African Film Awards). In 2011, Hanan completed a feature documentary of which she was co-director and producer. Shot on location in Israel and Palestine, The House of Tomorrow looks at the conflict between these countries from the perspective of women who are focused on building a future.

The Letters

145

Dearest Hanan, This is a love letter. A love letter is thrilling. Longed for, and nerve-shredding. It carries the fear and promise of a heart opened and left to bleed on the page like a faulty fountain pen. Like a poem, a love letter uses words to try to express a passion that words can never truly describe. We have written each other letters over the 23 years we have spent together. But I fell eagerly on the chance to write this letter to you now – to take a moment’s pause in the endless whirl of our busy lives, to step back from the constant stream of texts and emails that we exchange about everyday life. To look back at how we began, why we stayed married (in a world that did not acknowledge our union) and why it was you, my wife, the love of my life, that inspired this journey through what felt like darkness, into light. In the screenplays that I write and so many movies that we watch, there is often a moment when eyes meet, when energy pulses in the air, when something happens between two people without anything being said. That happened to me once in my life, and it was when we met. I was dating the young man that my parents felt would be suitable for me to marry and you were one of his best friends. “You have to meet my friend Hanan”, he told me. “You’ll love her.” Indeed, he was right. But it was not, perhaps, the most auspicious start. Each of us, at that time, was walking a cultural path laid out for us since birth. You were born into a Palestinian Christian family; I was born of Indian South African Muslim parents. We had nothing in common. Or rather, we had one big thing in common. We were both women. But neither of our families found that reassuring. I was an introvert, more comfortable with written words than spoken ones. You were the life of every room you walked into, the person with friends in all corners of the globe and an entrepreneurial spirit. You made me feel like the only person in the room, but you did that with everyone, and so I thought little of it. At the time, I would have given up a lot to make it work with the young men that my parents wanted me to marry. To follow an easier path that didn’t upset the people around me. But it turned out, I wouldn’t give up anything or everything. I wouldn’t give my heart or soul or integrity. And neither would you. You made it through five engagements without a marriage. Like a tireless

146

From Women to the World

wave in a tide that keeps hitting the prescribed beach but then pulls back to the ocean, swirling and deep. Was that what drew us together and made us follow this deep attraction? Was it a need to be true to our real selves? Not the self ascribed by culture or religion or tradition or family. But the self that lies within, that doesn’t understand restrictions imposed by random rules. Whatever it was, I fell in love with you. And it was a fall. A tumbling into light, a skydive into the blue, a fall into everything I knew I really was, and wanted to be, and could be. Do you know what a gift that is to give another soul? Not for us to complete each other, as if we were both unfinished without the other. But to find the better parts of ourselves and bring them, gleaming, to the surface. To grow together, to explore the landscape of love and maturity and what it means to be alive and human, and to do all this better, because we do it together. Our families, in large part, turned away, criticized, threatened, disowned. At the time it was painful; to lose the birth right of parental devotion. But it made us stronger. We grew up faster, created our own values and then our own family. Over 20 years ago there was no framework for recognizing our relationship. We were not legally joined in the eyes of church or state. This only mattered to us when we decided to have children. It felt like a hurdle to me, such a huge, serious decision. But hurdles have always looked puny to you, like little fences to be stepped over. I learned from you; that we were not to blame for the stress that our families felt at our union; that we were completely responsible for our own happiness and for creating and building our own, new family. I learned alongside you a better way to evaluate people, on their values and ethics, not by their race or religion or orientation. You taught me that all of us have choices, when we dare to look outside what other people tell us is right. “How do you work with your spouse?” is something I am asked a lot. I joke about it – she makes the small decisions, I make the big ones, but then I found out there are no big decisions. But the truth is, it is a privilege to work with someone who shares your focus, vision and passion. We have such different skills in making feature films and stories – but those skills are symbiotic. Creating characters and stories about those characters came naturally to me. I wanted to write about worlds that had limitations and characters that learned to transcend those limits. I began to see that stories can be even more

The Letters

147

than a reflection of our world and our humanity, if we let them. At their best, they can also show us who we could be – if we dare, as you and I did. If we dare to challenge the status quo or just to listen to who we really are at our core. Somehow it is easier for humans to trace this heroic journey in stories than in our everyday lives. All stories exist in a finite space and time. We spend two hours in a cinema. Or read three hundred pages of a book. And in that safe space we encounter conflict and contrast and characters who challenge us and who are sometimes heroic. You always believed that we are limited only by our imaginations. And imagination has no limits. And once a mind has been opened to an idea, that glimmer of light can never be extinguished. Each of us has the ability to open that glimmer of light in others and in ourselves. That, for me, is the ultimate power against those who think they can legislate us into a corner, those who see the rights of women and political dissenters and the LGBTQ community as a threat. Because you can’t put a lid on love, or emotion, or freedom. It will always explode off and expose the truth, the love, the passion beneath. It took me some time to understand that in life and work, when you’re faced with a blank screen or page, you should never fill it with anyone’s story but your own. You, Hanan, were the reason I got that lesson and I hope I helped you to understand it too. We are all told stories from the time we are children. I don’t mean bedtime stories but perceptions about the world – from our wider family, from communities, sometimes the beliefs of those closest to us. And often, we can fall into patterns of life that are uninspired, or unfulfilling, or not ours, simply because we don’t realize our own power. Because it’s not just writers and filmmakers like us who create stories. Everyone creates, every day, the stories that shape who they are. My wife, my friend, my muse, my inspiration – I thank you for helping me learn all these lessons. For pushing me to be more than I imagined I could be (even while I complained). For being the most incredible mother to our grown-up sons, who have as much integrity and focus as you do. At the time of writing, we are living in a world transformed by the Covid-19 virus. A world of quiet streets, silent skies, human lockdown – made eerie by the fact that we could never have imagined such quiet, such a scaling back of industry, production and services in our lifetimes. We have plenty to be worried about.

148

From Women to the World

Leaders who put their egos ahead of the right decision. So many countries where the basic need for human healthcare has been exposed as so terribly lacking, after all our centuries of progress. A world where those who have nothing are going to suffer much heavier, harder loss of life, family, income and homes, than the rest of us. But it’s also a world where hundreds of thousands of front-line health professionals risk their lives daily to save the lives of others. Where people everywhere, when put under exceptional pressure, have showed compassion, bravery and tireless dedication. It gives me hope that there are thousands out there who can become the type of leaders that we crave and need. That in this space, this forced pause from our ceaseless, unthinking activity, there will be room for compassionate humanism, for traditionally “feminine” values to take over. For courage that does not check to see who is watching it. For thoughtfulness that won’t be bullied into the wrong decision. For bigotry, racism and intolerance to differences to be something to be overcome, not something to be celebrated. Every day during this time, thousands of people are dying from a virus that no-one had heard of a few months ago. It is a scale of loss that is so heart-breaking that we have to believe it will, at least, make us think about how to restart our economies and our lives in a better, kinder, happier way. What a strange time in which to reach nearly a quarter century together, Hanan. But together, we can always see more hope in the world than despair. I look forward to many more years with you and our children, and send you all my love, eternally – Shamim

149

150

From Women to the World

To Geraldine (inspired by Molly Yard and Gloria Steinem) From Geraldine Sharpe-Newton (UK/USA)

“What I could do was run. I was faster than the wind. I loved the freedom it gave me and I could escape all the taunts that were hurled at me. I got used to them and fled.” With over four decades’ experience on both sides of the Atlantic, in media relations and corporate communications, Geraldine Sharpe-Newton was Head of Communications for three of the world’s major news organizations: CBS News (New York), ITN (London), and CNN International. Her early experience in American journalism led her to become one of the first public relations executives to specialize in electronic media. As a “founding” Board member of the Global Thinkers Forum, she has written and spoken on issues of leadership and is an “Elder” for The Centre for Synchronous Leadership. Having travelled widely she is now working on her first collection of short stories. Molly Yard (1912–2005) was an American political activist who served as President of the National Organization of Women from 1987 to 1991. She was an assistant to First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, and later a U.S. administrator, social activist and feminist. Though she was 75 years old when she took office, the combative and tireless Yard nearly doubled membership in the organization. A lifelong activist for liberal causes, she campaigned for passage of the Equal Rights Amendment, protection of abortion rights, and gay rights. Gloria Steinem started her professional career as a journalist in New York, writing freelance pieces for various publications. Getting plumb assignments was tough for women in the late 1950s and 1960s, when men ran the newsrooms and women were largely relegated to secretarial and behind-the-scenes research roles. Steinem’s life has been dedicated to the cause of women’s rights. In 2013 Steinem was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work in the women’s liberation movement.

The Letters

151

Dear Geraldine, Once upon a time I had a friend called Annie. You might remember her. She became a Broadway musical in 1976, but, by then my own Annie in her red dress and mop of curly red hair was long gone. I knew my Annie in the late 1940s. She was my dearest friend. Always there to talk to me, but I didn’t introduce her to anyone. She knew almost everything about me, what was happening at home, at school, my fears, dreams, thoughts, desires and especially what I wanted to be. I talked to her for hours. There was one topic I revisited over and over – how was I to find the way out. She had to know where the door was, the door that I was searching for. Annie had to help me find it. No excuses, I would tell her. We both knew that my mother wouldn’t show me the way. My mother was a difficult woman. A great beauty she was the holder of all knowledge, so in a sense my muse. But how could I please her? She had a fragile, explosive disposition, a will of iron and was both excitable and wild. Her litany was like a straight-jacket: “I know what is right and good for you.” And if that wasn’t enough, “You can only trust me.” “You are not pretty enough or smart enough for anyone to want you.” Her words were etched into my very being. They lurked in corners, ready to pounce and remind me that she might be right. This was a mother who crushed dreams. I forgot about the physical hurt, I assumed that was life. Indeed, it was only remembered when newspaper headlines began to tell stories of abused children. It was my “normal”. I fought against the physical abuse, but it was the hurling, striking blows of words that did the damage. I was never free. The words seemed always to win. She who told me she loved me, she who kissed my toes as a baby. I could never stand up straight enough or pay attention enough to her shouting. I couldn’t handle her version of love. I simply never understood it. She who was all wise and protecting. “Just listen. Just behave!” I had to be what she wanted me to be. Would I ever be free? I even began to wonder if she really was my mother. Surely there are mothers who are kind and don’t hurt their children! Every part of me was spent surviving. I didn’t know the word “abuse”. Was there such a word’? I just had to survive. I never knew when the kick would come. Her words were as brutal as the blows. And although the tears faded, the words haunted me, thrashing my senses.

152

From Women to the World

There was always a trace of her words. So, all that was left were my dreams. Annie, Little Orphan Annie, a comic book character, shared those dreams. I dreamed through books, and searched for the hidden door. I knew that if I could find it, it would open into a wonderful place that glowed with freedom, kindness and choices. As a teenager in Chicago, I sat in the back of the classroom. Already tagged as marginal, I did badly on tests and in social encounters and that led to being bullied. But oh, what I could do was run. I was faster than the wind. I loved the freedom it gave me and I could escape all the taunts that were hurled at me. I got used to them and fled. I also had a stammer which haunted me for over a decade and well into my twenties. All my thoughts and the words to defend myself were locked in my brain, stuck behind my tongue. I had the answers, I knew what to say. I just couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. But now I am here. I have hit the tough decade, the seventies, the decade not for sissies. Don’t call me “Old”, “Retired”, an “OAP”, or a “Pensioner”. I am an Elder, and proud of it. My beginnings were tough but those dreams and secret conversations with Annie were the making of me. She taught me how to believe. To believe in me, and I discovered that internal set of weights we all have, instincts, moral compass, how we read other people, and how we listen. That is part of it. But all the rest is application, a willingness to work hard, to want to leave something behind. That is now more important by every passing year. Time moved on but the roadmap had been set. I listened to Annie; I did as we planned. University married in my senior year. Marriage was a bonus and then children, a boy and a girl, along with the ever so beautiful house on the hill, decorated perfectly. The bonus was a lovely, funny and good husband. Everything perfect, meeting with all the necessary approvals and voices that said, “this is the way it should be”. By then mother was more muted, but still, just over my shoulder. There were the calls, the visits and of course the financial support. All that perfection and yet I was still restless. Was this really it? My Dad had died at 52 and here I was with my dear husband, two kids, and a nagging thought – “How many times can I redecorate before I die?” Then it happened. The door I’d secretly talked about to Annie, imagined, believed in, longed for, it was there. In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in a field, at a political rally

The Letters

153

for the 1972 presidential campaign. I was spotted by Molly Yard, and I believe I heard the door begin to creak open. But I was surprised. You see, I always thought everyone else was wiser, smarter, and they all appeared to know more. I was still not completely confident. But the people I looked up to and respected said, “We would like you to lead, to be involved.” They wanted to hear what I had to say. I remember feeling that now I was ready, just as the door was opening. For me that was also the beginning of a very painful decision, leaving what had been planned and mapped out for me by my mother. Her “American dream”, my wonderful safe home and dear husband. My safety, as ever, was paramount to my mother, but I wanted something more. No longer was my nose pressed against the glass of a window knowing I wanted to be on the other side. Now I wanted to be heard too, I wanted to live, not just to exist. The door was opening. Remember, in the sixties, through the seventies, women were marching, fighting, having a voice, so well-articulated by my friends and inspirations; Betty Freidan in her seminal book The Feminine Mystique, and Gloria Steinem with Ms. Magazine. And now me, it was my turn, I was saying, “Yes, I will do it.” The next step seemed simple. I just said, “I don’t type or file.” If I was going to do this journey, I had to do it my way, be an executive and I was sure my journey would be in New York City. I’d found the confidence. I knew I was practical and clever, now I had to prove myself, and build a new life there. I was through the door and away; the children and the dog would have to follow later. One foot in front of the other, because now I was a battler, never phased, always confident and although Annie was just out of reach, she was still, quietly, there, watching me. I did it all with sheer native tenacity, knocking on still more doors, credentials in hand from a tenure in local television news, an approved track record in campaigning and getting things noticed and done. That ability to “get things done” was the key. And it worked; a career in public relations followed, at Burson-Marsteller, Simon & Schuster Publishing, launching The Economist in America and finally CBS News, helping to manage the transition from retiring anchorman, Walter Cronkite, to a new network leader, Dan Rather. Each challenge was bigger than the last.

154

From Women to the World

In a world of terrifying uncertainty, just being me seemed to work quite well. Then after a magical New York City decade, I pushed at another door, crossed the Atlantic and joined ITN in London. Then in 1991 at the very beginning of the Gulf War, I was faced with an unravelling news event and an unexpected challenge, as my partner, a producer with CBS News, and his three colleagues were captured by the Iraqis. They vanished for weeks. I had to be fearless, I had to be contained, stable, quiet and diligent. It meant putting one foot in front of the other, small steps, one call, one letter, pushing more doors, but differently, just to keep going on those very dark nights. I remember thinking I’m not tied to a radiator, blindfolded or beaten . . . I had light and calls to make, people to see, pushing always pushing, quietly, no tears, anyway not in front of people, just quietly outstaying my time to keep asking yet another question, looking for another referral. I was lucky, I was working at ITN, so at the heart of a news organization, I had support, and a high measure of access. Everything I had learned, and everyone I’d met from the previous two decades was crucial. Having networks was and is always vital. People willing to take my calls, to respond and be helpful, made it all possible. We made a difference and eventually they all came home, battered but safe. We got them back. Having teams, having allies made it happen. My journey has been made possible because I adopted the style of bold feisty women, whose names you might not know. But they were all changemakers, door pushers, fighters for the ERA, feminists, when it was a dirty word. For me, one great moment was during a day spent with Gloria Steinem in Pittsburgh. She said, “I have taken you along and you must always take another woman’s hand and bring her along as well.” For over 40 years I have cherished those words. They have made a difference, they have worked, with some compromises, solid values and a sense of my own, never to be crossed, red lines. It has been an astonishing journey. Annie was always there, and I always believed in her, because, well, she was me. We both knew that if we pushed with belief, trust and confidence, the doors would always open. Whatever the horrors, whatever the barriers, they always will. I know I would have never made my journey without the chance meeting with

The Letters

155

Molly Yard and the doors she opened and then, soon after, meeting Gloria. They set me on that journey. My letter is my story but fondly dedicated to these two women. A new door is opening to the next generation, and somehow we must not let each other down. We and they have to make decisions and push forward with initiatives. If we make the wrong ones there will be trip wires and consequences that can never be shrugged off. As the old mariners often would signal, to each other “you(or)we are standing into danger”. It means, whatever you do next, something or nothing, beware of the consequences. Yours, Geraldine

156

From Women to the World

To My Nieces From Dr Rebecca S. Hage Thomley (USA)

“In every journey there is a map: a map to know where you have been, where you are, and where you want to be.” Dr Rebecca S. Hage Thomley is an entrepreneur and a licensed psychologist. She is CEO of Orion Associates and its related companies. Rebecca is one of the founding members of Headwaters Relief Organization, which responds nationally and internationally to disasters providing first response, public health interventions, psychosocial support and education, medical support, and clean-up and re-building. Rebecca has earned graduate degrees in psychology, business, psychopharmacology and public health. She serves in advisory roles as a volunteer for the American Red Cross and the American Psychological Association’s Disaster Resource Network. Rebecca has published, written and edited books on breast cancer and international children’s books related to trauma. My letter was written to my six nieces: Lyndsay, the eldest who is in a doctoral programme in New York studying animal cognitive and comparative Psychology; Madeleine, her sister, who is in her fourth year of Medical school in New Orleans, Louisiana; my niece Aya, who studies Fine Art at the Royal Academy of Arts in Hague, Netherlands; Maya a senior at St Olaf College in Minnesota majoring in Psychology; and the two youngest girls, Rhianwyn and Elwen, who are attending NOVA classical academy in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The Letters

157

My Dear Nieces, As you consider your place in the world, whether it is pursuing new opportunities or new relationships, I want to share with you a few thoughts that have supported and served me through life and career changes both personally and professionally. We have been blessed with a close, loving family. My mother (your grandmother) and my grandmother (your great grandmother) were powerful role models for me. They were active in responding to the needs of the community. As a young child, I saw how important it was to help others. We worked side-by-side, and I saw these values in action. You and your cousins, along with the rest of our family, have also worked side-by-side with your grandmother and me. You have had the opportunity to see the potential impact you can have. This family’s legacy of giving back to community is one of the many powerful ties that bind us. I have brought this value into the businesses with which I work as well. As our employees respond to disasters and commit to serving communities, they too have become a more cohesive and dedicated team through volunteering. Our family has always had a strong focus on education and achievement. To some extent, I used to believe that accomplishments would make me happy. I found that my greatest moments in life, however, had very little to do with business successes. What truly brought me joy were the moments that I cherished with you and our family, as well as peers and co-workers, in the service of others. These moments made me aware of what a difference you can make in another’s life. Headwaters Relief Organization was founded in response to Hurricane Katrina. We have an ongoing presence in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans providing psychosocial support. There are many simple moments imprinted on my heart from these years of service. I remember when one of the churches with which we partnered in New Orleans held an event marking the 10-year anniversary to celebrate the community’s resilience. A woman with whose family I have stayed in contact was in attendance. She shared with me that, in the midst of all of the devastation, she remembered receiving a professional outfit from us to wear for an interview, as a donation that replaced some of the clothing she lost to Katrina. She said that this small gesture was life changing. It gave her the confidence to interview for a position

158

From Women to the World

she still holds. It wasn’t about the money we raised but recognizing and responding to the need that she had in that moment. Recently, the pastor of that church asked me to give a part of his sermon. I shared with the congregation the moment that I met him. I was a mental health volunteer with the Red Cross. Shortly after the hurricane I came to the church, I was looking for a place to set up a Red Cross mobile van as a resource for the community. We met as he was seeing his church for the first time after the hurricane. It had been destroyed. Tears were rolling down his face. His grief was overwhelming. Even in this moment and in spite of this tremendous loss, he invited us to set up the Red Cross services in the church parking lot because he wanted to serve the community in its desperate need. The courage and strength that he demonstrated in one of his darkest moments was both remarkable and unforgettable. The lessons I have learned in relief work have sometimes been the most difficult but also the most profound. In every journey there is a map: a map to know where you have been, where you are, and where you want to be. Selfawareness is part of that map: knowing your strengths as well as your weaknesses. There is strength in vulnerability when you reveal what is true for you, the good and the bad. This helps you to step into any situation with integrity and authenticity. Learn to trust your inner voice. Intuition is hard for many people to understand, and even harder to trust, but mine has led and connected me to people and engagement in some of the things I’ve found most rewarding. It is worth taking the leap of faith that intuition sometimes demands. In responding to the earthquake in Nepal, we were asked to travel to a remote community that would be very difficult to reach. Our team hesitated, but ultimately decided that we felt called to go. We were embraced by a desperate community. We saw first-hand bravery and dedication by the local hospital and its staff. They continued to operate the hospital and serve the community not knowing whether their family or homes survived. Now their Medical Superintendent gives to others through our organization as our Medical Director. Sometimes the simplest things are also the most profound. Henry James said that three things in life are important. “The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind”. When you are kind to yourself or another,

The Letters

159

you encourage the development of self-worth and empathy. We can all think of a time in our life when someone took the extra time to do something kind for us – something that made you feel valued and appreciated. It is what people will remember about you. In disaster work, I’ve seen incredible acts of kindness. I watched an elderly man in the Philippines give away his last bag of rice to a young mother and her small child. Even though he would go without, he showed compassion and kindness for those he saw as more vulnerable and in greater need. Another lesson that I have learned in this work is that it is important to remain truly present, or the greatest moments in life will pass you by if you are too busy to notice them. Will you have balance in your life? I heard a colleague once describe life as a seesaw (teeter-totter). How often are you at a balancing point on a seesaw? Riding the up and down is just part of trying to do everything you want to do in life. I like to think about being present in all that I do. When a patient, colleague, or friend is speaking to me, am I truly listening to what they are saying? I have actively worked on being present in all that I do, but it helps to remember the seesaw’s give and take. We all experience what we could describe as “soul moments” in life. For me, giving through service has been transformative. I have dedicated myself to giving people the opportunity to learn how fulfilling it is to serve others. My reward in this is people sharing the “soul moments” they have experienced. I have also found that true joy is in giving. If you want to be happy, you must give happiness. If you want to feel loved, you must give love. It has been my experience that when I am focused on giving to others, I am less likely to be consumed by my own concerns and challenges. When you step out into the world at large, you can see the bigger picture of suffering and realize that we all have challenges. The ones I was facing often faded into the background. It is in those times that I truly realized how many resources I had available to me and how truly fortunate I am. This has led me to recognize and embrace humility. This is another trait that is modeled and valued in our family. There is a lot of research that correlates humility with integrity, courage, and more satisfying relationships. Take every opportunity to benefit from the education and experience of those around you. Embracing humility allows you to put a relationship ahead of “being right”. In humility we celebrate the accomplishments of others and create balance and harmony for ourselves.

160

From Women to the World

I believe that some of our greatest successes in life occur when helping people to succeed. Inspiring and enabling the best work of others is true leadership. Through mentoring we can create high-performance teams and build an agile and responsive community. It is also important to commit to embracing diversity of people and thought. Your ideas need to be challenged! New ideas, role models, and solutions are more likely to be offered in an inclusive environment. One of my favourite sayings is: “Fortune favours the brave”. There is never the perfect time to take action or embark on a new project. You are going to have to learn to live with risk and uncertainty. Over time it becomes easier. Sometimes you will fail. Embrace that failure and try again, reaching higher. You need to trust that you will be resilient no matter what happens. Finally, I want to convey to you that self-reflection will serve you too. Take the time to think about the impact that you want to have, and then focus your thoughts and actions toward that goal. True success is measured internally by your own sense of fulfillment. My mission in life is to be of service to others. In every contact, no matter how small, I intend to convey warmth, respect and compassion; to refrain from judgment and to appreciate diversity of thought and action; ultimately to learn and grow from these experiences. With love, Rebecca

161

162

From Women to the World

To My Mother, Rezzan From Nurdeniz Tunçer (Turkey)

“While trying to cope with my loss of vision, I also had social desires, like wanting to develop friendships. This all fell apart for me in secondary school.” After graduating from the Law Faculty at Istanbul University in 2001, Nurdeniz Tunçer registered at Istanbul Bar. She started a law office which focused on business and contract law. She has devoted an increasing amount of her time and energy to disability rights in Turkey. Working to adequately train and provide guide dogs through the Guide Dog Association is a major part of these efforts. In her role as President of this association, Nurdeniz also works to advance the legal status and standard of living for the visually impaired in her country, providing them with employment and improved education opportunities. Her own visual impairment began when she was 10 years old, which makes this mission of empowering all members of the community personal to her. In 2017, the Sabanci Foundation selected her as a Change Maker. Rezzan Tunçer was born in 1951 in Izmir. She was the General Manager of Özel Kartal Acil Medikal and Deniz Consultancy companies. She studied occupational safety. She is a Board member of the Turkish Guide Dog Association. Rezzan was also the captain of the volleyball team in her youth. She loves cooking, reading, needlework and travelling and is a very strong lady, who loves working with teams.

The Letters

163

Dear Mom, In the entirety of my life, I’ve been blessed in finding myself among the right people. They have led me to recognize the opportunities around me and supported me once I’d made a decision. Still, I cannot take much credit for things I’ve done in my own life since they are a natural extension of my character, and this is the character that you brought into being. As a child, you demanded that I do things for the family, like empty the dishwasher and make my own bed, allowing me to be self-sufficient. Your role in my life has been especially remarkable because, at 10 years old, as I was losing 90 per cent of my vision, you still had me do these household tasks for myself. You wouldn’t allow me to fall into the passive role for the visually impaired that society might determine. In Turkey, there are hundreds of thousands of people with some form of visual impairment and around half of them are kept at home and deprived of fulfilling their ambitions. So much potential to learn was lost to my generation of visually impaired people because it’s in our nature to be overprotective of our children. There were adults around us that questioned the independence I was given; I believe this is especially true because, at the time, I was a girl and our conservative culture dictates that we hide women away, defending them from the perils of the world. Contrary to their intentions, the result is learned helplessness, an inability to do anything on our own. In the end, you’re treated like a statue in the room, not someone who needs to engage with others. You taught me that I still needed to maintain my independence by working for myself whenever I could while also devoting myself to a cause. In your wisdom, you knew that part of being independent as a woman also meant having a university education and it was my means for standing under my own power. I feel blessed to have grown up in the city I did. As I was going to elementary school in our little town, Afyon, I had a teacher named Mrs. Sadioğlu who was progressive and modern. While some less insightful people thought I was weak and needed protection, she knew that I needed to learn responsibility, so I could find a proper role inside the group. During a student summit, she sent me and three classmates to sell simit, a Turkish bagel, during the event. I still remember the feeling of one lira coins being dropped in one hand as I handed them the simit with the other. Even though being a volunteer food vendor for

164

From Women to the World

a day might seem small, I never forgot the satisfaction it gave me. It was at this time I also insisted on trying folk dancing, attending classes every week after class and even performing in a stadium during Children’s Day. Even then, I realized I made many mistakes, but I felt appreciated by the people there and I think they recognized it as bravery. In class, a few other children made fun of me, how close my nose was to the page of a book and petty things like that, but I believe many of the students followed Mrs. Sadioğlu’s lead and included me in the class. While trying to cope with my loss of vision, I also had social desires, like wanting to develop friendships. This all fell apart for me in secondary school though, when we moved to Istanbul and I was faced with a new life here. This is a transitional period for anybody’s life, but I had to deal with a new city and a new school. I felt abandoned by my teachers and my peer group. The school staff was unfamiliar with the visually impaired, which made it a learning experience for them too, and I was isolated from the other students because they lacked awareness and only recognized me as being different. It was here that I learned to steel myself against disappointment. I knew then that if I wanted to get attention, it would have to be through my efforts. This path to achievement began when I entered the Law Faculty of Istanbul University, the oldest and most prestigious law school in the country. Again, we were faced with educational challenges and we had to improvize solutions. I was the first visually impaired student they had, so I had to be clear about my enthusiasm for the practice of law while also being direct about my needs. I had to learn how to be a student in that environment. On top of the sacrifices you and my father made for me, you found ways to enable my success in law. We didn’t have tablets and audiobooks to aid education for the visually impaired at that time, and our books weren’t yet translated into Braille script. Father would sit in his bedroom and read my textbooks into a tape recorder for two or three hours a night, so I could listen to them on my own and retain all that information. I still keep these tapes of his until this day. I can’t honestly say that I passed every exam, but I never gave into disappointment and I continued until the proud day when I had my law degree in hand. You’ve given more to me than I could easily list, but another thing of yours I inherited was the ability to surround yourself with good people. The clearest

The Letters

165

example is in my father since your relationship has always been defined by mutual respect and understanding, but even the friends you kept were fascinating people with a lot of wisdom to give. As a grown woman, I have to admit this accomplishment in myself since I now find myself with so many women, of every generation, who are ready to be part of this cause. One such person, perhaps the biggest influence on my life outside of our family, was Maggie Moore. Being wife to the then-British Ambassador and also visually impaired, I met her at the British Embassy in Ankara for an event. We formed a fast connection, not only from our impairment, but we recognized in each other a sense of purpose. Maggie also introduced me to Star Hanim, her 2½-year-old guide dog, who was the first recipient of a Turkish ID card for service dogs. Maggie understood that we were in a unique position to bring change, that people would recognize the value in our efforts, and that we would find support. In our conversations, I was sometimes frustrated with the lack of awareness about the needs of the disabled in Turkey, but she assured me that the potential for change was here and it would come more quickly than I thought. She inspired me and became my role model as I founded the Guide Dog Association of Turkey, where I still serve as President today. Maggie has introduced me to the foreign diplomats and organizations that have promoted and funded our efforts. The successes of the Association might be my greatest source of joy, not only because it advances disability rights and furthers our cause in Turkey, but because the Association allows me to share the values you taught me, strength and perseverance, to everyone I meet, including the generation of women who will come after me. Of course, I cannot talk about my life now without mentioning Kara. Beyond being the first Turkish guide dog, she is my constant companion and a symbol of our success as an Association. In the same way she depends on me to feed and groom her every day, I depend on her to be my eyes as we go through our daily life. Kara is a teammate in every way and, as you have realized, we are inseparable. Being forerunners for disability rights in Turkey, Kara and I get to experience the improvements happening in Turkey firsthand. At the beginning, we would be denied entry into public transportation or restaurants because people there had never seen a guide dog, but this has improved greatly over recent years as people are made more aware of disability

166

From Women to the World

services. Many times, when someone who is unfamiliar with guide dogs stops us, strangers with exposure to guide dogs step in to help us. It’s taken a lot of effort to come to this point, but these daily successes are proof of our continued progress. The Covid-19 pandemic has made us realize that we are one world and everyone is feeling its effect, some through self-isolation and many through the vast economic impact. As leaders and role models, we have to be more conscientious in our actions now more than ever. Despite everything, life is a blessing. Mother, you are most directly responsible for who I am and anything I’ve been able to accomplish, so I’m addressing this letter to you. There’s no way I could express my gratitude to you as fully as you deserve, so we’ll have to settle for a letter expressing just what you mean to me. Beyond helping me find purpose in the things I’ve pursued; you have always carried yourself with strength and independence. It’s a value you’ve instilled in me not just through words, but with actions, making you an enduring role model for my life. It’s true we come from a family of strong women and I know you would rather give credit to some of them, but you are my greatest source of encouragement and a lifelong friend. Since my early childhood, your confidence in me has given me confidence in myself. For all of this and more, I say, thank you. Eternally yours, Nurdeniz

167

168

From Women to the World

To Ada Lovelace From Dame Stephanie (Steve) Shirley (UK)

“I was an unaccompanied child refugee who came to Britain in 1939 fleeing Nazi Europe. That traumatic start made me determined to make mine a life worth saving.” Dame Stephanie Shirley CH is a workplace revolutionary and successful IT entrepreneur turned ardent philanthropist. In 1962, she founded an all-woman software company that pioneered remote working and co-ownership, upending the expectations of the time. It was ultimately valued at $3 billion and made 70 of her staff millionaires. Since “retiring”, her focus has been on Philanthropy, especially IT and autism – co-funding the Oxford Internet Institute and The Worshipful Company of Information Technologists, and setting up (and taking to sustainability) three charities and some 70 autism projects – her late son’s condition. She was appointed a Companion of Honour in 2017 – one of only 65 worldwide. Her 2015 TED Talk was to a standing ovation from the world’s most recognized entrepreneurs, thinkers, creators and doers: it’s had over two million views. Dame Stephanie’s memoir, Let It Go, is being made into a film produced by BAFTA-winning Damian Jones. So To Speak, an anthology of 30 of her speeches from over 40 years, was published in November 2020. English mathematician Ada Lovelace, the daughter of poet Lord Byron, has been called “the first computer programmer” for writing an algorithm for a computing machine in the mid-1800s. Ada had an unusual upbringing for an aristocratic girl of that time. At her mother’s insistence, tutors taught her mathematics and science. Such challenging subjects were not standard fare for women at the time, but her mother believed that engaging in rigorous studies would prevent Ada from developing her father’s moody and unpredictable temperament.

The Letters

169

Dear Ada, Or should I say, Dear Lady? I write to you not as the daughter of poet Lord Byron, nor wife of scientist William King-Noel, 1st Earl of Lovelace, but rather in your own right. I share your love of mathematics and have always admired you as the first computer programmer back in the 1840s. You became a poster girl for women’s contribution to Technology. It’s good to have you as a role model – we need people of vision who disrupt the status quo. Yet while male innovators are thought to be visionary, we women are castigated as naïve. I should have so liked to be your friend and discussed how computers have taken us all into the fourth industrial revolution. My computing career really took off in 1962 when I decided to get round the gender issues that were holding women back and set up a software company for women, of women as an early social business that pioneered new work practices and demonstrated the value of work/life balance, of flexibility and of diversity. For years I was the first woman this, the only woman that. In the Western world of my youth, women were still treated as second-class citizens, unable to carry out financial transactions without male authorization and legally disallowed from certain professions. All expectations were about home and family responsibilities. I couldn’t accept that and so challenged the conventions of the time. Even to the extent of changing my name from Stephanie to Steve in my business development letters, so as to get through the door before anyone realized that “he” was a “she”. My company called Freelance Programmers – which was exactly what it was – started with what would now be a hundred dollars, financed by my own labour and by borrowing against our little home. My interests were scientific; the market was commercial. So I went for operational research work, which was both intellectually interesting and commercially valued. Scheduling freight trains, timetabling buses, stock control – lots and lots of stock control . . . Gradually, work came in. An early project was to develop software standards – management control protocols. Software remains a maddeningly hard-to-pin-down activity, so that was enormously valuable. We used the standards ourselves and were even paid to update them over the years. Eventually they were adopted by NATO. So, we were the first in Britain able to offer software for fixed prices and delivery. Who

170

From Women to the World

would have guessed that the programming of the black box flight recorder for supersonic Concorde was done by a bunch of women, including non-binary, working from their own homes? In 1975, 13 years from my company’s start-up, Britain’s Sex Discrimination legislation came in, which meant it was illegal to have our pro-women policies. As an example of unintended consequences, we had to let the men in. People assumed that such an unusual company could not be scaled up. When it did expand, it was not considered strategic. By the time the company was valued at nearly three billion dollars and I’d made 70 of the staff into millionaires, people started to describe it – and me – as disruptive. My motivation stems from having been an unaccompanied child refugee who came to Britain in 1939 fleeing Nazi Europe. That traumatic start made me determined to make mine a life worth saving, to not fritter my time away. I concentrate on doing the right things rather than just doing things right. And I think about who I want to be, not just what I want to do. As a serial entrepreneur, I take risks and bet against the consensus. I don’t wait for the perfect moment in time, the perfect candidate or the perfect relationship. I try to enjoy each little success. And I am careful to harvest my errors so that I only make new mistakes. My aim is always to work for the good of the group, listening to others with goodwill, not letting the group be riven by petty politics but rather cherishing differences of opinion and looking after each other. Always being kind. Ada, you worked largely on your own. But nobody does anything by themselves any more. It’s all a matter of teamwork, of surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you are (my colleagues will confirm I do that!). Nobel Laureate Herbert Simon (an economist) reckoned that no-one can attribute more than 20 per cent of their originality to their own efforts. All the rest is built on others (as you envisaged software for Charles Babbage’s Analytical Engine). Progress generally comes from an ongoing series of small steps rather than the giant leap that you made with that first algorithm. Classed as a late pioneer of computing, I focus on the social aspects of computing, so as to stay on the human side of technology – which has never changed so fast nor will ever be as slow again. Ideas are necessary but not sufficient. There’s the implementation stage – executing the originality – so

The Letters

171

that a concept doesn’t remain theoretical without generating anything. Its developers dreamed of the Internet offering peace and harmony in the world, but since Google took on China (and lost) and WikiLeaks (the story of my era), there’s been a moral panic reflecting how central the Internet is to everyday life and work. Anyone can become a publisher on the Internet. Opposing views can be openly or anonymously aired, and we’re all better informed, if not knowledgeable, and so better able to exercise our democratic rights and responsibilities. But there are also negatives. Internet predators prey on vulnerable individuals, there is danger in the blurred boundary between the real world and that of avatars, and, at the time of writing, there are no legally authorized codes of practice or safeguards for the use of the Internet. If technology becomes simply another means of amusing ourselves, or speeding up commercial transactions, or talking simply for the sake of talking, then we shall have failed. If it becomes a province for the privileged, we shall have failed. If it becomes merely an instrument of greater invasion into our personal lives, we shall have failed. We talk about the Fourth Industrial Revolution being based on new technologies such as artificial intelligence, cloud computing and the Internet of Things, the previous great revolutions of the past being based on steam power, which you will know about, mass production and digitization. Just as the digital revolution changed lives as it shifted the balance from physical labour to mental labour, so the current revolution will impact not just work but also society en masse, improving our lives in ways never previously imagined. I believe in repeatable work being completely automated. We should not ask people to do what a robot can do. If we behave in ways that encourage innovation, we can train ourselves to work creatively. Two questions I always ask are: “What does this do to help the underprivileged?” and “What impact is it going to have internationally?” I also play devil’s advocate even on issues I feel passionately about. Dissent must be as protected as conformity. I try to inculcate a capacity for critical reasoning, an awareness of differing cultures and a passion for justice. What happens to people anywhere should matter to people everywhere. It’s love for strangers as well as neighbours that makes for an educated, imaginative and special being.

172

From Women to the World

The creative urge needs to be exercised. Innovation is stimulated by being among other innovators, especially in different disciplines. New ideas are so transient that I always jot them down immediately. Luckily, there’s a limitless supply. The somewhat narrow original definition of creativity used to mean the arts. I found my years in the software business just as creative as any music, theatre or fashion. Like you, dear Ada, I believe in the beauty of work when we do it professionally and to the best of our ability. Your pioneering work is not forgotten now that experience and routine make technology seem easy. Thank you for all you have done. Ever your friend and admirer Dame Stephanie Shirley CH

173

174

From Women to the World

To All Women, Daughters of the World From Elizabeth Filippouli (UK/Greece)

“Remember that our similarities are many, and they are our bond, regardless of who we are.” For the past 20 years Elizabeth Filippouli has been working tirelessly to promote accountable and collaborative leadership and create opportunities for women and youth to thrive through mentoring.

The Letters

175

Dear Daughters of the World, These lines are written while humankind is dangling above an abyss of uncertainty. People talk about a “new normal”. What is it going to look like? Will it be a “great reset” for women, and indeed for everyone – above all, for our children? As I write these lines there are no answers. Blindfolded, we are being pushed towards an unknown destination. It is in these times that I address you, Daughters of the World, as warriors and guardians – and our hope for the future. There may be differences between us, but our similarities are many and they bond us together, regardless of who we are. We should not allow otherness to separate us. Our existence spreads across the lives of all women. Can we find relevance, and shelter, in each other’s stories? The fighter in you, in us, gives me enormous strength. Daughters of the World, imagination and will are our tools to rebuild our broken societies and shape our future. Let us imagine the new world as a place where everyone will get an opportunity to thrive. Let us re-imagine a future where we challenge our own and each other’s thinking. This is our opportunity to take that great reset into our hands and flourish not against, but thanks to, the multiplicity of our cultures. Let’s share a vision that honours our multidimensional histories. “There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single issue lives”, Audre Lorde reminds us. The Greek word for truth is “alethia”, it means “no oblivion”. We should never allow each other’s stories to sink into oblivion. Let’s hear, remember and repeat them: the stories of our mothers, sisters and daughters make a mosaic of myriad truths and memories. To the younger Daughters of the World, here is my call to you, Life is happening around us. The sun will rise every morning whether you or I will be there to see it or not. People hope and fight and love. You will bloom beautifully through this world. Embrace self-kindness, nurture your onlyness and turn your vulnerabilities into strengths. Make this a choice, not a chance. What you see today as your “unusualness” is your own powerful mark in the world. So, plant the seeds of your uniqueness. Trust your heart, your inner compass. Each of us is matchless, unequalled. Dare to dream, set your feelings free, let your ideas fly. Rise up and never compare yourself to others, nor allow

176

From Women to the World

others to compare you to anyone else. What makes you vulnerable will be your strength, so carry your uniqueness with pride. There is no space for fear when we must revolt against what disagrees with our soul. There is no space for fear when we hear a cry for help. Aim for the world in its entirety. Embark on your own Odyssey, be Ulysses in the form of woman, of whom stories will be written and told. Learn to be an ally of yourself, not a foe. Do not be afraid to try and fail. Create opportunities for your own mistakes to happen. They will make you richer and wiser. Handle them with kindness, remember them with toughness. Life is a tough game. A game won through empathy and with resilience. Your values will make your journey worthwhile. Integrity, dignity, determination: let them be your peaceful, invincible arms. In a world seeking identity, hunting for its soul, make sure you guard and nurture your authenticity. Dear Daughters of the World, You have survived wars, rape, homelessness, betrayal, racism, and so much more. And through your pains, our pains, let us lift the veil and see that skin colour, race and class should not determine our humanness. When the world faces its end, we realise that we are all equally vulnerable and temporary. All we need is to feel the warmth of a hand holding our own. You have my back, and I have yours. We have each other. This is our humanness. I am now looking towards the future. I want to see you become the independent minds and free women you deserve to be. I am so proud of your journeys – our journeys. Remember that our similarities are many, and they are our bond, regardless of who we are. Onwards, Elizabeth

Afterword Let’s Act: Recalibrating our Systems 31st December 1999. I am in Athens at the iconic Grande Bretagne Hotel on Syntagma Square. It’s the New Year Eve’s Gala and we are all cheerfully toasting the looming Millennium with excitement. Music plays, people sing, laugh and hug as, amid the most spectacular celebrations, we welcome the new century. This “new era” begins with us dancing to Kylie Minogue’s “Spinning Around” and the anticipation of important positive change. Women were soon to celebrate some exciting victories: 20-year-old Venus Williams became the first black woman to win the Women’s Singles at Wimbledon since Althea Gibson, and Hillary Clinton secured her seat in the Senate – the first to win public office while still the First Lady. Meanwhile, the United Nations launched the Millennium Goals. The beginning of that decade seemed to fizz with optimism that by 2015 this world would be a better place for all. It didn’t quite work out like that. The decade that followed was marked by a series of disastrous events: global terrorism, 9/11, the US invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, and a financial crisis that saw the American and British economies plunge into a Great Recession, the worst since before World War Two. In 2009 the winds of crisis swept through cosmopolitan Dubai, one of the seven Arab Emirates. The real estate crunch triggered an economic meltdown threatening the financial stability of the Emirate. A generous £6 billion handout from Abu Dhabi arrived as the deus ex machina and so skyscrapers in the UAE continued their ascent towards new heights, while another country was grounded on investors’ short-selling list: Greece. This was when the world realized that Greece might not have the funds to repay its sovereign debt. Given the terrible economic situation of the country, a prolonged austerity period began under the relentless supervision of European leaders. Soon Portugal, Italy, Ireland, and Spain came within a 177

178

From Women to the World

whisker of defaulting on their national debts. By 2011, the Eurozone’s plight was the world’s greatest threat. Meanwhile, elsewhere, anti-government protests were rocking Tunisia. Mohamed Bouazizi the 26-year-old street vendor who set himself ablaze to protest against the constant police bullying he had endured for years shocked the country to its core. At the end of 2010 a series of anti-government uprisings and armed rebellions spread from the North African nation across much of the Arab world. They came as a response to oppression, poverty and unemployment. Libya, Egypt, Yemen, Syria and Bahrain followed suit. Similar protests were happening in other parts of the world too. Parallel strings of local political and socioeconomic crises were clear indications that people were losing trust in their governing institutions. Discontent mounted while structural problems such as globalization of finance and top-down economics, coupled with a deeply troubled banking sector and property market bubbles had undermined the credibility of those in power. As the Arab Spring was unfolding in 2011, Occupy Wall Street was spreading across the US, Latin America’s “piqueteros” were out in the streets banging pots and pans, and daily neighbourhood protests were happening in major Chinese cities. Too much discontent. Deep social rifts. Inefficient systems. It became clear to me that these parallel phenomena highlighted the need for new thinking around leadership – and for more women in leadership roles. This jigsaw of international crises was the trigger for the creation of the Global Thinkers Forum, which I founded in 2011; a nonprofit platform promoting accountability in leadership and creating development opportunities for women and young people. I was a journalist at the time. I had no experience of how to run an international organization, let alone launch one! But if you are born restless, a bit of an activist, a bit of a dreamer, and you are ok with rejection, you have the courage to do things that seem irrational or risky.

Let’s Prioritise Empathy over Testosterone It was in Greece that I had launched my career in Journalism. I come from a Greek family which includes several branches of publishers and journalists

Afterword

179

whose dedication to freedom of speech and access to information dates back to the early 1900s. The inner desire to join this world was too strong to ignore. I followed the family’s tradition and my inquisitive and restless heart. I became a journalist too. I started as news presenter for the Hellenic Public Broadcaster. I produced a weekly current affairs radio show and had an op-ed column on international politics. I went on to work in the US, the Middle East and Britain, which became my home. My then-husband was a lawyer and MP in Greece, who happened to be among the prosecutors in the epic trial of the former Prime Minister Andreas Papandreou. A story that rocked Greece in the arly 1990s as a power struggle between two political dynasties that have been dominating the Greek political landscape for seven decades: Mitsotakis and Papandreou. From a young age I found myself at the heart of the male-dominated ‘Four Estates’: legislative, executive, judicial, and media. I couldn’t have asked for a more first-hand account of testosterone-filled political and corporate echo chambers. My time with both CNN International and Al Jazeera English was fascinating. In the years that followed 9/11, I had the opportunity to work for two global media networks that were both equally pioneering and direct competitors (the controversial Al Jazeera was positioned as “the CNN of the Arabs”, making a very big part of the Arab world jump out of their seats in anger). This was the time when terrorism became a global phenomenon and religious polarization was at its peak, validating Samuel P. Huntington’s 1993 prediction that conflicts between civilizations would eventually dominate the future of world politics. On a corporate level, both networks were run with a lot of aggression. Too much testosterone, too little empathy. I was genuinely concerned by the lack of vision and empathy exhibited in the world and felt that those in power were failing to hear (maybe out of arrogance) a weak signal that was becoming louder and louder: change was happening, rapidly. Global Thinkers Forum was born in 2011 at Oxford University’s Said Business School, as a platform that would advocate for accountable leadership. It has become my life’s mission. It was also a leap of faith as I was stepping

180

From Women to the World

into the unknown, with minimal financial means vis-à-vis a very big vision. I hoped to harness the skills and networks with which Journalism equipped me, to be able to organize cross-national conversations where universal values would be a denominator, with women and youth becoming a priority. A bold new movement launched, with an international mandate to champion the idea of accountability. The inaugural event was hosted in Jordan in October 2012, under the patronage of Queen Rania of Jordan. When we launched the Forum, it was right at the heart of the Arab Spring. I was keen to draw attention to ideas and solutions produced by high-powered, visionary women from the Middle East and North Africa and keen to find out what solutions for peace, reform and collaboration they would propose to their troubled societies. Our arrival was met with great enthusiasm. The inaugural Forum was attended by an impressive number of 250 decision-makers including Queen Rania and senior members of the Royal Family of Jordan, ministers, ambassadors, CEOs, academics, entrepreneurs, activists, artists and media from the wider region and the international community. We were a grassroots movement, an independent platform that achieved a significant level of wide public engagement because it arrived with an open heart, inviting everyone to rise above political agendas, prioritise collaboration and focus on social solutions. Within a decade we expanded our reach in more than 65 countries, engaging and having an impact on the lives of thousands of people. We had surely punched above our weight. Thankfully, it worked. Ten years later, in 2021, the world continues to struggle with the multiple effects of a pandemic. Leadership issues remain pressing. Our democracies continue to be in recession and, somehow, we must rewire our democratic systems, vaccinate them against a dangerous virus that has destroyed lives. It’s called “arrogance”. We are at a transitional period in history. The social contract as we knew it will have to be revisited and the role of women will be crucial in humanizing our approach, our ideas, even our language. If at the same time we manage to promote more women into decision-making roles, then a real shift towards recalibrating our political and socioeconomic structures will mark the beginning of a new era and a more hopeful world.

Afterword

181

Let’s Listen: Voices from the Younger Generation of Women In 2015 the world came face to face with the reality that the UN Millennium Goals had not delivered on their ambitious pledges. A new set of 17 Global Goals was introduced that year and 2030 became the deadline for world leaders to deliver education, healthcare, security and quality of life to every person on this planet. At the Forum we have been very eager to support the UN Goals. We felt that we didn’t have the luxury of time to stand by and just wait. Every single effort counts. In 2015 we launched our mentoring programmes ‘Athena’ and ‘Telemachus’. We engaged international professionals to support aspiring social-impact leaders from around the world and empower them through mentoring. Through the letters in this book, we have visited the lives and journeys of established visionary women. I am also keen to shine the spotlight on the stories and voices of the younger generation, represented in this book by our mentees. They are just beginning their own journeys often in difficult and complex circumstances. Nigeria-born Blessing is a member of the Ibibio tribe, who speak one of the minor languages in her home country. A talented and bright young woman, she comes from a low-income family and she had limited learning opportunities. She lives in a country where 43 per cent of girls are married before they hit 18, and 17 per cent before 15.1 Female Genital Mutilation in Nigeria accounts for most cases worldwide. Adversity made Blessing even more determined. At 24, she is a passionate “educationist” and a tech enthusiast training young girls to solve real-world problems in local and global communities using technology. “Realising the power young people have in tackling local and global challenges, I knew my voice was needed and since it’s a cause close to my heart, I had to take it up for every child,” she says. In low-income countries, for every hundred boys who continue their education beyond high school, 45 girls drop out. Globally women spend more than twice as many hours on average as men doing unpaid work, from childcare, cooking and 1

https://www.avert.org/professionals/hiv-around-world/sub-saharan-africa/nigeria

182

From Women to the World

cleaning to collecting water and gathering firewood. In cold hard figures, women and girls put in 12.5 billion hours of unpaid work every day.2 “In my society, women are not expected to accomplish extraordinary goals. They are generally expected to remain at home and raise children,” says Kawtar from Morocco. At 24, Kawtar is a young woman who dreams big and aspires to “become the next woman leader in her region. Regardless of background or economic status, anything is possible with a strong mindset and unbreakable confidence in yourself, ” she believes. Kawtar is right, that globally, 42 per cent of women of working age cannot maintain a job because of their unpaid care responsibilities, which in monetary terms total $10.8 trillion a year.3 The biggest problem is that outdated mindsets and social structures take for granted that unpaid work is an expected duty for women. Dame Stephanie Shirley writes about the Western world of her youth when “women were still treated as second-class citizens, unable to carry out financial transactions without male authorisation and legally disallowed from certain professions”. Fast forward a few decades and discrimination against women continues to be encoded into legal systems in countries across the globe (statistics taken from Melinda Gates’s book The Moment of Lift): •

113 countries do not have laws to ensure equal pay for equal work among men and women

•

104 countries make certain jobs off-limits for women

•

39 countries have laws that mean a daughter cannot inherit the same proportion of assets as a son

2

•

36 countries limit what wives can inherit from their husbands

•

29 countries restrict the hours women can work

•

18 countries allow men to prohibit their wives from working

•

17 countries limit when and how women can travel outside the home4

“Providing Unpaid Household and Care Work in the United States: Uncovering Inequality,” Institute for Women’s Policy Research, January 2020, as well as “Time to Care: Unpaid and Underpaid Care Work and the Global Inequality Crisis,” Oxfam International, January 2020. 3 Unpaid Care Work: The missing link in the analysis of gender gaps in labour outcomes - OECD 2014 4 Melinda Gates: The Moment of Lift – Bluebird 2020 https://www.panmacmillan.com/blogs/lifestylewellbeing/shocking-gender-inequality-facts-melinda-gates https://www.pewresearch.org/

Afterword

183

“Sexism and machismo are major issues in Latino culture, I have experienced this first-hand,” says Paola, one of our mentees from Peru, who was born and raised in Lima. Both her parents come from indigenous communities in the Andes and moved to Lima to improve their economic conditions. Paola would barely see them while growing up because they both had to work really hard and long hours. “My family was always very supportive, but they could not guide me on the next steps needed to reach my academic goals. At times they discouraged me from pursuing goals which they thought were unattainable for people from our background. My personal circumstances have taught me how valuable mentorship is.” Our 25-year-old mentee Afaf, from Algeria, is a youth activist and trainer. She expresses her worries about the high unemployment rate among Algerian youth, yet her attitude is one of positivity and determination to succeed: “We can choose between an internal narrative that will make us stop and one that will push us forward making us comfortable with the fear of failure,” she says. In Turkey one of the biggest challenges is lack of tolerance for such differences as religion, gender and sexual orientation. “I have grown up in a society where girls were not listened to,” shares Figen from Turkey. “They mostly would drop out from school and end up with early marriages. Standing against patriarchy always became a challenge during my education and professional working life. Believing in yourself and being a role model helps not only you but also people around you.” Believing in oneself is absolutely key. Leyla, a young doctor from Azerbaijan explains how her father taught her to appreciate her self-worth: “When I was a child my father had a habit of asking ‘who do you love more, mom or dad?’ I always said ‘both’. I never understood why I should have to choose. Over the years each time he asked me I kept responding the same. He kept repeating that I was giving the ‘wrong’ answer. The last time he asked me I was almost 17. This time I responded differently: ‘it is myself I love more’. His face finally took an expression of content. I then realised that I had worked hard to learn to love and accept myself the way I am.” Learning to love ourselves will be as necessary as showing kindness to others. We are part of a world that experiences the highest levels of population movement on record. In 2017 about 258 million people, or one in every 30,

184

From Women to the World

were living outside their country of birth. The latest projection is that there will be 405 million5 international migrants by 2050. People try to adapt to new circumstances, yet these shifts generate tremendous frustration. As Basma Alawee describes in her letter: “You are a refugee when you wake up and you don’t hear the same music or smell your family’s food. When you force yourself to smile as you walk down the street to prove you’re a nice person, not a stranger who people should be afraid of.” Aniqa is a Generation Z immigrant in Canada. A bright student in her mid-twenties, with a passion to work with young people. Her parents are Sri Lankans who emigrated in 1995, the year she was born. She grew up in a post-9/11 world. Being a young, Muslim woman in a world of Islamophobia, as well as the daughter of immigrants, was a struggle during her formative years. She had to battle media sensationalism that portrayed Muslims in a negative light: “I found myself to be in the midst of an identity crisis: how could the world be telling me I am one thing – unequal due to my race, unjust due to my religion – but my internal compass telling me I was not? I was put in a position to not allow myself to be subjected to how society or the media defined me,” says Aniqa. Azza is in her mid-twenties and she comes from a small village in Gezira state in Sudan, between the Blue and White Nile. She has studied medicine. The power of her message is impressive: “At society-level, we face poor social cohesion, racism, and harmful traditional practices. I have some reservations using the world equality, but I believe in equity. In my humble opinion, we need a true movement for women’s rights. We need to rewrite our folk stories to send positive messages on women in leadership roles in their societies. We need to abandon the discriminatory laws. We do not need pseudo-representation we need true and effective representation of women in the governmental bodies and leadership positions. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned is to be proactive. I lived for several years as a victim, I used to limit my ambition, my dreams, and goals. But I learned that nothing could be changed unless I take a step forward.

5 fact-tank/2018/12/10/many-worldwide-oppose-more-migration-both-into-and-out-of-theircountries/

Afterword

185

I learned to take the initiative and be responsible for my actions. We have to be responsible for our personal development. We have to rise up, and help.” So, let us indeed rise up, and help.

Let’s Inspire: The Letters Words have the power to mobilize, to begin revolutions, to change the course of history. Words are actions and they trigger emotions. They cause anger, fear, pain or they can be exhilarating, comforting, cathartic. A single quote can turn our lives around, hopefully in beautiful ways.  In this book, each author uses words to articulate her own experiences, they are authentic and liberating. Being a woman may mean a million different things. You may define it differently to how I do, so let’s embrace that and learn from each other’s definition and narrative.  We live in times of tremendous anxiety. Whichever way we look there is disappointment, discontent, and disbelief towards those in power. Most of us have spent a big part of our lives with identities that we were given. Identities designated by societies that operate under outdated mindsets and inefficient structures which are not fit for purpose anymore. Together we can break the systems that challenge us psychologically and physically. Whether living in uncertain and complex societies or whether working tirelessly towards helping those in need; whether we hold a public post that keeps us under relentless scrutiny, or we try to change this world through words, colours or music, in the end it is our collective story and our tenacity that will win the war for a more balanced world. A world less brutal and less violent against women. A world more hopeful for our children. To that effect we need action. Words must become weapons and tools for all the women around the world who are killed or abused by a male partner. For the millions of women who are still unable to travel, drive or socialise without male permission. For the millions of girls who are forced into their first sexual experience; and traumatised for life. Patriarchy causes crime. I hope that this book will make a contribution towards deconstructing, dismantling, demolishing our patriarchal systems and starting the “New Century”.

186

From Women to the World

Let’s Reflect: Some Thought Triggers 1 Which letter resonated with you the most? Why? 2 Note some thoughts and quotes that moved you. Consider why you picked these. 3 What are five new things that you learned from the stories in this book? 4 What are five facts related to the status of women internationally that you didn’t know about before reading this book? 5 What are the biggest hurdles that you had to overcome in your life? When you reflect on them, what emotions do they trigger? 6  Many of the women in the book refer to challenges and hardship that marked their lives. Do you think that life’s hurdles make us stronger? 7 Dame Stephanie Shirley mentions that her motivation stems from being an unaccompanied child refugee who came to Britain fleeing the horrors of Nazi Europe. That traumatic start reinforced her determination to create for herself a life worth living. Is there a traumatic experience that affected you at some point in your life? If yes, how did it change you? 8 From childhood Nurdeniz Tunçer lived with impaired vision and the stigma that accompanies it. She became a pioneering changemaker and the woman who introduced guide dogs in Turkey. What was it that helped her build her confidence? 9 If you were to write a letter to someone, who would that be? 10 Elif Shafak thinks that more women should become political leaders, highlighting that women make a different type of politician than men. Do you agree? 11 What are your thoughts around Generations Y and Z? How can they nurture more accountability in their actions and cultivate a servant leadership culture? 12 Paola Diana urges us to never give up in life. Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to give up on your dreams or a project? How did you fight it?

Afterword

187

13 Do you agree with my definition of feminism? What is your definition of feminism? 14 Have you found your life’s mission? If yes, please reflect on it and write down the reasons that made you select this journey. If you haven’t yet, then think of a cause that is close to your heart, and consider what you would like to achieve, and how? 15 Anousheh Ansari is among the pioneering women who went into space. What character qualities does it require to do something as daring and adventurous? Would you do it? What is the most adventurous thing that you have ever done? 16 Have you ever considered making a decision that seems risky? What will you lose and what will you gain if you take the risk – or if you do not? Put fear aside, consider both scenarios and assess the possibilities. Go with your gut feeling. 17 Is there someone in your life to whom you would like to offer an apology, but you haven’t done so yet? What would you say? 18 Consider what action you could take to support other women. Can you start today? 19 What is the most valuable takeaway from this book for you? 20 Do you think that the demolition of patriarchy should start from men? Feel free to share your thoughts: [email protected]

188

Index Abji, Shelmina, letter to Sophia Babai 64–7 abuse 19, 35, 94, 96, 151 AbuSulayman, Muna, letter to Margaret Garner 34–8 advisers 109–10 see also mentors Afaf, from Algeria 183 Alawee, Basma, letter to Angelina Jolie 20–6 Algeria 183 all women, letter to 174–6 Ama/Alma de Casa 94 ambassadors 88, 101, 119 ambition 45 Aniqa, living in Canada 184 Annie, Little Orphan 151, 152 anonymous woman, letter to 138–40 Ansari, Anousheh, letter to Athena 44–7 anti-government protests 178 Aoun, Iman, letter to Ashtar Muallem 48–52 Arab Spring 178 Arab world 36, 79 Ardern, Jacinda, letter from Elif Shafak 104–7 art 49, 51–2, 107 artists 35–6 Athena 44–7, 92–7, 110 athletes of the Special Olympics, letter to 72–4 atrocities 50, 51, 106 authenticity 93–4, 176, 185 Azerbaijan 183 Azza, from Sudan 184

Babai, Sophia, letter from Shelmina Abji 64–7 babies birth of 30, 105, 131 death of 29–30 Bache, Emma, letter to Audrey Smith 54–7 Bangladesh 113–14 Beirut 11 Beltrame, Sofia Diana, letter from Paola Diana 82–5 Bibi, Deema, letter to Haifa Najjar 76–80 Blessing, from Nigeria 181 Boal, Augusto 51 body image 84–5 Bouazizi, Mohamed 178 boundaries, setting of 100–1 Cadwalladr, Carole, letter from Livia Firth 112, 114 Canada 141, 184 cancer, support during 78, 89–90, 135, 136 Caputo, Michael 141 car racing 127–9 careers anticipated vs. actual 24–5 and balanced lives 60, 78 and education 65 and motherhood 13, 100 and success 65–6 cellists 59–61, 62–3 champions 129 change 25, 36 see also life choices character 85 189

190 Chiesa, Silvia, letter to Jacqueline du Pré 58–63 childbirth 30, 105, 131 childhood 17–18, 49, 55, 83, 117 Christchurch, New Zealand 106 civil servants 88, 99–101, 118–19 clarity 8 communicating 128 compassion 106 see also kindness complaisance 94 computers 169–70, 170–1 confidence 7–8, 37, 66, 153, 163, 166 cookbooks 30 courage 7–8, 31, 128 Covid-19 and dependency of people 120 female leaders during 141–2 homelessness during 96 impact of 147–8, 155 and inequalities 12 and musicians 62–3 and perception of the world 35 planning, impact on 25 rape during 18 refugees, impact on 26 and war 50, 51 creativity 51–2, 107 see also innovation crises 178 see also Covid-19 culture and identity 79, 149 curiosity 45–6 Darwish, Mahmoud 80 daughters attributes of 90 letters to 29–32, 49–52, 65–7, 83–5 see also mothers, letters to Davies, Angela 113 Davis, Mary, letter to women athletes of the Special Olympics 72–4 deaths of aunt 12 of children 29–30, 35

Index of father and mother 124 of fathers 55, 61–2, 80 of uncle 25 decision-makers 105, 182 decision-making 31, 36, 70, 146, 155 Diana, Paola, letter to Sofia Diana Beltrame 82–5 dignity xi diplomats 88, 99–100, 118–19 disabilities, intellectual 73 discrimination against women 60, 123, 169, 184 see also equality; inequalities domestic violence 12, 141 doors, opening of 151, 152–3, 154–5 Douglas, Roula Azar, letter to Ramona Fiani 10–14 Du Beauvoir, Simone 9 Du Pré, Jacqueline, letter from Silvia Chiesa 58–63 Dubai 178 duty, sense of 35, 87, 88, 89, 90 eating disorders 84 education importance of xi independence and 163–4 life-long 78 in low income countries 181 and poverty 18, 65 schools in Jordan 77, 79 schools in Oman 69 ego 37 emotions 36, 55, 61–2, 63, 106, 128 empathy 106, 175, 179 enslaved women 34, 35 equality xi, 14, 60, 129 see also discrimination against women; inequalities escape, ways of 151, 152–3 exploration 45, 46–7 factory workers 113–14 failures 37, 66, 128–9, 160 see also success

Index

191

families memory of 12 motivation from 74 rejection by 146 role models in 157 support of 22 tragedies 25, 135 tree of 113 unity of 88 fatherhood 106 fathers deaths of 55, 61–2, 80 love of 7 as mentors 117 supportive 164, 183 traditional attitudes of 17–18 feminism xi, 154 Fiani, Ramona, letter from Roula Azar Douglas 10–14 Figen, from Turkey 183 Filippouli, Elizabeth, letter to all women 174–6 Firth, Livia, letter to women incl. Annie Lennox and Carole Cadwalladr 112–14 food 30 forced marriages 18, 19 forests 113, 114 friends, imaginary 151, 152 friendships 37, 69, 77, 123–5, 131

González Durántez, Miriam, letter to Anna Lindh 98–102 granddaughters 56–7, 117–21 grandmothers 49, 56–7, 69, 86–90 Greece 109–10, 177, 178, 179 grief 30, 124, 158 growth 66 guide dogs 165–6 guides 109–10 see also mentors guilt 11, 100 Gulf War 154

garment workers 113–14 Garner, Margaret, letter from Muna AbuSulayman 34–8 Gates, Melinda 182 Gaza 51 Generation Z 180 Giuliani, Grazia, letter to the homeless woman 92–7 giving to community 157, 159 giving up 37, 83 Global Goals 183 Global Thinkers Forum 179–80, 181 goddesses 95 see also Athena

identities 79, 185 Ikramullah, Shaista Suhrawardy, letter from Sumaya bint El Hassan 86–90 illness, support during 124 see also cancer, support during imagination 45–6, 147 see also storytelling independence xi, 8, 120, 163–4 India 65 indigenous people 114, 183 industrial revolutions 171 inequalities 12–13, 121 see also discrimination against women; equality

habits 66, 85 hardship 12, 22, 135–6, 137 history 140, 142 HIV 140–1 Holocaust 7 holy women 95 homeless woman, letter from Grazia Giuliani 92–7 homemakers 94 honour crimes 12–13, 105 hope 46, 69–71 housewives 94 humanitarian work 21, 24 see also relief work humility 131, 159 Huntington, Samuel P. 181 Hurricane Katrina 157–8

192

Index

Kaili, Eva, letter to Mantalena Kaili 108–10 Kaili, Mantalena, letter from Eva Kaili 108–10 Kara, guide dog 165–6 Karmel, Annabel, letter to Lara Karmel 28–32 Karmel, Lara, letter from Annabel Karmel 28–32 Karmel, Natasha 29–30, 32 Karmel, Nicholas 30, 32 Karmel, Scarlett 29, 32 Kattan, Hanan, letter from Shamim Sarif 144–8 Kawtar, from Morocco 182 kindness 78–80, 87–8, 158–9 Kuwait 77–8

boundaries, pushing of 46 careers 78 challenges, acceptance of 49 change in 70 different 25 enjoyment of life 85 expectations of society 13, 146 inspiration for 136 stories and 36 value of people 129 lifestyles 85, 100–1 limitations xi, 137 Lindh, Anna, letter from Miriam González Durántez 98–102 Little Orphan Annie 151, 152 Lorde, Audre 176 love betrayals of 55 of children 29–30, 31, 32, 35, 49, 95, 151 giving of 159, 171 as motivator 38, 74 of partner 145–8 power of 78 of self 13, 85, 183 of siblings 29 tough love 7 Lovelace, Ada, letter from Stephanie Shirley 168–72 Lunkuse, Hellen, letter to Zohra Moosa 16–19

Lahri, Naseem 114 leadership skills 66, 89, 179–80 learning 18, 24–5, 37 see also education Lebanon 11, 12–13 Lemmon, Gayle Tzemach, letter to Rhoda Spielman Tzemach 134–7 Lennox, Annie, letter from Livia Firth 112–14 Leyla, from Azerbaijan 183 life choices advice for 121 balance in 60, 66

Mahmood, Attiya, letter to her unborn granddaughter 116–21 Maia, Mariana 114 Maial Panhpunu 114 Mandela, Nelson 46 marches 141, 178 Mariana Maia 114 marriages 18, 19, 83, 94, 95, 145–8 Mars 45, 46 Al Massri, Yasmine, letter to her mother 40–3 maternity leave 123, 124 memories 12, 55, 62, 117

infanticide 34, 35 innovation 169, 171, 172 intellectual disabilities 73 Internet 171 intuition 106, 158 Iraq 21–2, 24, 25 James, Henry 158 Janigro, Antonio 61 Jolie, Angelina, letter from Basma Alawee 20–6 Jordan 70, 77, 79, 87–8 journalists 153–4, 179 judgements 121

Index menopause 132 mental health 70, 71 mentors 24, 37, 117, 160, 183 middle age 94–5 migrants 183–4 see also refugees Milburn, Martina, letter to Shyama Perera 122–5 mindfulness 71 Moore, Maggie 165 Moosa, Zohra, letter from Hellen Lunkuse 16–19 Morocco 182 Morrison, Toni, Beloved 35 motherhood 12, 66, 83, 105–6 mothers abusive 151 forgiveness of 55–6 infanticide by 34, 35 influence of 7–8 letters to 41–3, 55–7, 113, 135–7, 163–6 strong 18, 55 see also daughters, letters to motivation 36, 38, 49, 73, 74, 128, 170 motor sport 127–9 movie makers 35–6 Muallem, Ashtar, letter from Iman Aoun 48–52 music 59, 61, 62 musicians 59–61, 62–3 Muslims 184 “my own terms” 100–1 Najjar, Haifa, letter from Deema Bibi 76–80 natural world 51, 155 Nepal 158 New Orleans 157–8 New Zealand 106 news 153–4, 179 nieces, letter to 156–60 Nielsen, Christina, letter to all young women 126–9 Nigeria 181

193

Oke, Femi, letter to her sisters 130–2 Oman 69 organizations 17, 123, 124, 125, 154, 157, 165 Pakistan 117–19 Palestine 50, 51 Panhpunu, Maial 114 Paola, from Peru 183 patriarchy 105, 183 Pearl, Mariane, letter to the anonymous woman 138–42 Perera, Shyama, letter from Martina Milburn 122–5 Peru 183 Philippines 159 plans 25, 31, 84 politicians 79, 105–6, 109–10, 141–2, 179 poverty 17–18 Powell, Colin 100 pregnancy 18, 100, 123 Prince’s Trust 124–5 privilege, role of 71, 87, 89 proactiveness 184–5 programmers 169–70 protests 141, 178 racecar drivers 127–9 Ramallah 50 Rania, Queen of Jordan 182 rape 17–19, 41, 105, 140 refugees 21, 22–4, 26, 70, 170, 184 relationships 113, 121, 127, 145–6 see also marriages; teamwork relief work 157–8 see also humanitarian work respect 101, 128 risk, taking of 31, 46, 136–7 roles of women in decision-making 180 in Lebanon 13 as musicians 59, 60 as politicians 105–6 as queens 88

194

Index

as racecar drivers 127 visually impaired people 163–4 Al Said, Basma, letter to younger self 68–71 same-sex relationships 145–6 Sarif, Shamim, letter to Hanan Kattan 144–8 Sarpong, June, letter to Diane von Furstenberg 6–8 saying no 100–1 sayings Do for this life as if you live forever . . . 25 Every (wo) man is a hostage of his(er) own deeds 121 The first is to be kind 158 Fortune favours the brave 160 It takes a village 32 Life is hard 135, 136 May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears 46 Theatre is a weapon and it is the people who should wield it 51 You/we are standing into danger 155 schools 69, 77 see also education seesaw, life as 159 selection processes 45, 60 self, letters to 44–7, 68–71, 150–5 self-care 66 self-esteem 7 self-isolation 120 self-reflection 158, 160 self-respect xi, 101 service 36, 157, 159 service dogs 165–6 Shafak, Elif, letter to Jacinda Ardern 104–7 Sharpe-Newton, Geraldine, letter to herself 150–5 Shirley, Stephanie, letter to Ada Lovelace 168–72 Shriver, Eunice Kennedy 73, 74

Simon, Herbert 170 sisters 29, 109–10, 131–2 Smith, Audrey, letter from Emma Bache 54–7 social discontent 178–9 software 169–70 soul moments 159 souls 94–5 space travel 45, 46–7 Special Olympics 72–4 Steinem, Gloria 150, 154 storytelling 36, 51–2, 107, 146–7 see also imagination strength 7, 8 success 31, 65–6, 129 see also failures Sudan 184 Sumaya bint El Hassan, Princess of Jordan, letter to her grandmothers 86–90 Sustainable Development Goals 181 swans 129 sweating 132 Tanyinga, Lillian 18 Tanzania 65 teachers 24–5, 59, 61, 163 teamwork 127, 160, 170 see also relationships teenagers 83–4 television shows 36 terrorism 106, 118 theatre 51, 52 Thomley, Rebecca S. Hage, letter to her nieces 156–60 thought triggers 186–7 tragedies 25, 135 travel 62, 100, 119–20 trees 113, 114 Trump, Donald 141 Tunçer, Nurdeniz, letter to Rezzan Tunçer 162–6 Tunisia 178 Turkey 105, 163–4, 165, 183

Index Tzemach, Rhoda Spielman, letter from Gayle Tzemach Lemmon 134–7 Uganda 17–19, 140–1 UN Sustainable Development Goals 181 uncertainty 66 United States of America 141 Universal Declaration of Human Rights 88–9 unknown soldier 139 unpaid work 140, 181–2 value of people 129 values x–xi, 77, 101–2, 148, 157, 165 visionaries 35–6 visually impaired people 163–4 volunteering 24, 70 Von Furstenberg, Diane, letter from June Sarpong 6–8

195

Walker, Alice 113 war in Iraq 21–2, 25 in Lebanon 11, 41–3 in Palestine 50, 51 Whispers of Serenity 70 wives 145–8 women politicians 79, 106 Woolf, Virginia 139 work future of 171 multiple jobs 135–6 unpaid work 140, 181–2 writers 35–6 Yard, Molly 150, 154–5 Zein Al-Sharaf Talal, Queen of Jordan, letter from Sumaya bint El Hassan 86–90

196

Elizabeth Filippouli – Bio Elizabeth Filippouli is a journalist, author and executive. Her early career in print and broadcast journalism in Greece and at CNN and Al Jazeera English, was prelude to now over a decade of activism and serial entrepreneurship. She is Founder and CEO of Global Thinkers Forum (GTF) since 2011. GTF is an independent civil society agency incubated at the University of Oxford, now London-based and working through a global network of thought leaders to promote values-based decision making and supporting women and youth through mentoring programmes and initiatives in MENA, Africa, and the UK. In 2018 Elizabeth launched Athena40, a family of diverse initiatives that advance women in leadership by creating recognition opportunities and connecting them with peers around the world. Elizabeth serves on the Global Advisory Board of The Prince’s Trust International. She has read Strategy and Innovation at Oxford’s Said Business School, Transnational Media and Globalisation at London City University (MA), and is completing the MS on Philosophy, Science and Religion at the University of Edinburgh. Her first book ‘The Invisible Reality’ was published in Greece in 2004. In 2020 she co-authored together with Dr Marc J. Ventresca a work on ‘Kindness in Leadership in Times of Crisis’, the first of several publications that rethink the work of leaders. Twitter: @ElizaFilippouli

197

198

Acknowledgements Among the many people who inspired me to embark upon this project, I must first thank the authors of these letters. Their trust and friendship are the highest honour. This work would not have been possible without the support of inspiring individuals, who are staunch advocates of the virtues of womanhood and women’s leadership. This is an all-gender mission for a friendlier, more compassionate world. Sincere appreciation for the inspiring conversations over the years with visionary individuals across continents and cultures, such as HM Queen Rania, HRH The Prince of Wales, President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Lord Alderdice, Elif Shafak, HRH Sumaya bint El Hassan, Dame Martina Milburn DCVO, HE Sheikha Lubna Al Qasimi, President Rosalia Arteaga, Dr Nawal El-Saadawi, Professor Saskia Sassen, Ted Turner, Chris Cramer, Femi Oke, Kate Winslet, Christiane Amanpour, Deema Bibi, Muna AbuSulayman, Haifa Al Kaylani, Sir Dirk Brosse, Josh Rushing, Tim Willcox, HRH Queen Sylvia Nagginda. Profound thanks to my Said Business School tutor and mentor Dr Marc J. Ventresca for being a constant source of wisdom and inspiration; also, guardians of the mission for women and youth: Michael E. Economakis, Akinwole Omoboriowo II, Lili Hall, Dr Rebecca Thomley, Sharon Schweitzer JD, HE Reem BinKaram, Chris Gaunt OBE, Patrick Fleming. Gratitude to my loving friend and mentor Geraldine Sharpe-Newton for being an insightful thinker and a sounding board. My sincere appreciation to Doug Wills, for his innovative thinking, lights and friendship, as well as other fantastic people who have been part of this journey, such as David Hawkins, Grazia Giuliani, Ciara Hurley-Stewart, Attiya Mahmood, Leonor Stjepic, Conor de Lion, Patrick McGill, Gaby Rosenberg, 199

200

Acknowledgements

Gary Horsley, David Evangelista, Leoni Yagdjoglou, Stephen Cole, Elina Nizar, Reem N. Bsaiso, Susan Foley Rocco, Carol Schuler, Tom Newton, John O’Brien, Helen Disney, Maria Oldin, Emilie Procknard, Rasha Khawaja, Gordon Faith and David Brett. Kudos to all mentors and mentees of the Telemachus and Athena programmes, for their tireless commitment to lift the economic status of women and youth and support the UN Global Goals. Shout out to Katerina Chatzimatzoglou for being the powerhouse behind the programme. My love to two hugely inspiring women, who left this world way too soon: Maggie Eales and Ameera BinKaram. Profound thanks to my editor Tomasz Hoskins the man who immediately grasped the power of the idea. Both Tomasz and Olivia Dellow have been of amazing support and a true pleasure to work with. Shout out to my family they are my rock, and I love them endlessly. Lastly, I shall thank Journalism for being my ‘Ithaca’ a wonderfully rewarding, unique profession. A journey that has enriched my life with fascinating stories and incredible people. In the end, everything is about people.

201

202

203

204