Fires on the Plain [Paperback ed.] 0804813795, 9780804813792

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^

"Written with precise skilljmd beautifully controlled power. The translation by Ivan

>

Morris

is

outstanding." -The New

*-v

ON THE

York Times

Digitized

by the Internet Archive in

2012

http://archive.org/details/firesonplaintuttOOshoh

^

FIRES ON THE PLAIN

^ £* ^ £* ^ ^

Translated from the Japanese

1957

& &

A

Fires on the Plain * *

by

&

SHOHEI 00 K IVAN MORRIS

TUTTLE PUBLISHING Boston, Rutland, Vermont, Tokyo

Originally published in Japanese as Nobi

Published by the Tuttle Publishing,

an imprint of Periplus Editions (HK) Ltd.,

by

special

arrangement with Alfred A. Knopf,

Copyright

©

Inc.,

1957 by Alfred A. Knopf,

New York

Inc.

All rights reserved

ISBN 0-8048-1379-5 First Tuttle edition,

1

967

Seventeenth printing, 2000 PRINTED IN SINGAPORE

DISTRIBUTION

North America Tuttle Publishing Distribution Center

Airport Industrial Park

364 Innovation Drive North Clarendon,

Japan Tuttle Publishing

RK

Building 2nd Floor

2-13-10 Shimo-Meguro,

Meguro-Ku Tokyo 153 0064

VT 05759-9436

Tel:

Tel:

(802)773-8930

Fax: (03) 5437-0755

Tel:

(800)526-2778

Canada Raincoast Books

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Tel:

(03)5437-0171

Southeast Asia

Berkeley Books 5 Little

Road #08-01

Singapore 536983 Tel:

(65)280-1330

Fax: (65) 280-6290

\*

CONTENTS

1

Departure

2

The Forest Path

3

Fires

4

The Rejects

30

5

Purple Shadows

39

6

Night

45

7

The Roar

8

The River

60

9

The Moonlight

64

3

13

20

on the Plain

of

Guns

55

10

The Crowing

11

Interlude in Paradise

73

12

The Symbol

78

13

The Dream

83

14

The Downhill Path

87

15

The Signal Fire

94

16

The Dogs

97

17

The Objects

104

18

De

107

19

Salt

20

The

21

Companions

Profundis

of the

Cock

67

112 Rifle

116 121

&

vi

^

Conten/ s

22

TTie Procession

129

23

The Rain

140

24

Three-Fork Junction

144

25

The Flashes

154

26

The Apparition

163

27

The Flame

171

28

The Starving and

29

The Hand

184

30

The

188

31

The Fowls

32

The Eyes

194

33

Flesh

198

34

Humankind

206

35

The Monkeys

211

36

In Praise of Transfiguration

218

EPILOGUE A Madman's Diary

227

of Light

the

Mad

176

Lilies of the Field

Once More

A Dead

192

of the Air

to the Fires

227 on

Man's Writings

the Plain

235

240

&

FIRES ON THE PLAIN

^

^ DEPARTURE

1

My

squad leader slapped

"You damned

fool!"

he

said.

them send you back here?

let

hospital

you had nowhere

care of you.

company

in this

My

You know

in the face.

"D'you mean to say you

If

you'd told them at the

to go, they'd

have had to take

perfectly well there's

as

lips,

which became more

he babbled away.

Why

he should be

so excited I could not understand, seeing that

who was

he, just

no room

for consumptives like you!"

eyes were riveted to his

and more moist

me

receiving the fatal sentence.

No

was

it

doubt

I, it

not

was

an instance of the military tendency to raise one's

temper automatically as one raised one's voice. ticed that as our condition

had begun

to let loose

lying beneath their

was our squad

had no-

had deteriorated the

on us

mask

I

officers

soldiers the nervousness

of military impassivity.

leader's chief preoccupation

(as

Food it

was

indeed of the entire Japanese army in the Philippines)

and accordingly the theme of food underlay

his present

screed.

"Look all

our

here, Private

men

Tamura," he continued, "almost

are out foraging for food. Don't

you under-

^

^

4

stand? We're fighting for our

anyone who can't pull

they won't

front door

and wait

in the end.

And

weight." His voice grew

in, just

plant yourself by the

they do! They'll take care of you

till

they

We've no place for

—

refuse, then

still

well, you'd bet-

put your hand grenade to good use and

ter

to

if

the Plain

well got to go back to that hos-

you

let

lives!

own

his

damned

louder. "You've pital! If

on

Fires

it all.

At

least you'll

make an end

be carrying out your

final

duty to

your country." I

knew

however long

perfectly well that

myself in front of the hospital, unless I

doctors and medical orderlies depended en-

on the

patients for their provisions.

increasing group of

bespoke the vital

futility

men

was stationed

feared a recurrence of

come about

been thrown

hemorrhage shortly

landed on the west coast of Leyte in the I

all

left to their fates.

suffered a slight

vember. While

ever-

of seeking admission without this

commodity. Like me, these men had

had

The

"planted" outside the hospital

out of their companies and I

would not be admitted

was equipped with an adequate supply of food.

The Army tirely

I

"planted"

I

my

in

in the course of

latter part of

Luzon

illness,

and

after

I

we No-

had constantly

this in fact

had

our forced march into the

interior of the island following the landing

on Leyte.

Departure

I

W

5

V*

was promptly given a five-day ration of food and sent

to a field hospital in the mountains.

wounded

In the hospital

were lying about on

soldiers

rough wooden beds that had been requisitioned from civilian houses. dirt,

but no one seemed to be doing anything for them.

When

saw me, he

the doctor

for having

come

sumption; but

own

The men were covered with blood and

first

me

lectured

from con-

to a field hospital suffering

when he

realized that I

me

food, he gave instructions for

severely

had brought to

my

be admitted.

After I had spent three days in bed, the doctor pro-

nounced

me

cured and

My

I left the hospital.

squad

leader, however, did not agree with the doctor's verdict;

he further contended that since rations with

me,

I

that

my

had brought

should have stuck

for the full five days. I

appeared

I

was ordered

it

five days'

out in the hospital

to return.

When

denied

at the hospital, the doctor indignantly

rations

had been

sufficient for five

I re-

days and

added that in any case they had already been used up.

And

so this morning I

shuttling

back

to

my

had once more found myself

unit. I

was

fully

aware that

I

would

not be taken back and was really only curious whether

my company would to his fate.

completely abandon one of

its

men

|f

6

tl

"Yes, leader's

Fires

my

sir," I said,

humid

eyes

on

on the squad

fixed

still

the Plain

understand perfectly.

lips, "I

port back to the hospital.

And

if I

am

I

am

to re-

not admitted,

I

am

to kill myself."

Normally, the squad leader would have objected to the suggestion of individual judgment implied in the

words "I understand perfectly," a

terse

repetition

of

orders being considered adequate; this time he chose to

overlook the peccadillo. "That's right.

And

look here, Private Tamura, try to

—

cheer up!

Remember

very end

I

it's all

for the Fatherland.

To

the

expect you to act like a true soldier of the

Emperor." "Yes,

sir."

In the corner of the room, by the window, the quartermaster sergeant was busy

filling

out some document.

He was

sitting

wooden

crate that served as desk. I did not think he

but when

listening,

his feet,

with his back turned, in front of the old

I

had repeated

and screwing up

my

orders he got to

his eyes so that they

even narrower than usual, said: "That's I'm sorry

we seem

you must

try

to

and look

of view as well.

Now

you absolutely have

was

right,

became Tamura.

be throwing you out

like this, but

from the squad

leader's point

at

it

don't go and

to," the sergeant

kill

yourself unless

added, as

if

by an

&

Departure

7

&

you some provi-

afterthought. "Here, I'm going to give sions."

He went to toes picked

the opposite

up a few

at

comer and from a

random

the small Philippine potatoes

our

taste rather like

but as

politely,

own

known

as kamote,

sweet potatoes.

my

and no further was

tee

my

haversack

my

life.

There was a

exactness about this saluted,

made

—

my

to this ex-

country prepared to guaran-

survival: this country of

offering

I

my

which

thanked him

I

hands were trembling. Six small potatoes tent

They were

in both hands.

put the potatoes into

I

pile of pota-

number

mine

to

terrifying

which

I

was

mathematical

six.

a rightabout-face, and opened the

door.

As

I left

lowed

me

into the passage. "Don't bother to report to the

the

room

the squad leader's voice fol-

company commander!" he In the back of that

if I

shouted.

my mind had

—

lurked a hope

a hope

spoke to the company commander he might pos-

sibly intercede

on

my

behalf. I suppose that even at this

stage I vaguely thought that I might contrive to remain

with

my

unit.

At

the other end of the short passage I

could see the company commander's room.

hanging over the entrance gave

But now the squad

my

final

it

leader's last

hope. Obviously the

an

A

straw

mat

air of utter calm.

words had expunged

company commander had

t*

&

8

Fires

already settled pital the

effect

my

case

day before.

when he

My

changed nothing:

sent

on

the Plain

me back

to the hos-

return this afternoon had in

all

that

had remained was

for

the squad leader to pronounce sentence.

As

I

descended the half-rotted

the sun shone

down through

stairs I

how

noticed

the cracks in the

wood, mak-

on the ground below. In front of

ing neat patterns

the

building stood rows of bushes, interspersed with faded

beyond these was a clump of

tropical plants;

where

trees

a group of soldiers busied themselves digging an antiaircraft trench.

They were using

sticks

(requisitioned from civilian houses) by

Our company had group of lage; for

way

of shovels.

become no more than a broken

stragglers skulking in a small

mountain

vil-

some time the Americans had no longer even

bothered to

how gave

in fact

and old pans

bomb

us.

Yet the

some-

antiaircraft trench

us a sense of security, and, besides, there was

no other work

to

be done

In the shade of the

at the

camp.

trees, the soldiers' faces

were dark

and expressionless; one of the men looked up direction but immediately turned aside his digging.

Most

The boredom

of

and continued

of these soldiers were conscripts

had come here from Japan life

at the

my

in

same time

who

as myself.

on the troopship had brought us

gether and given us a certain sense of kinship; but

to-

when

&

Departure

we

arrived in the Philippines

with veteran troops,

and were assigned

we soon began

to sink

back

&

9

to units

into our

normal egotism. Then we landed on Leyte Island and our real difficulties began.

Before long any comradeship that

had

for each other

we had once

virtually disappeared.

When

and was on the way to becoming a burden

men,

felt

I felt

ill

to the other

noticed a growing chill in their attitude toward

I

me. For people

like us, living

day and night on the brink

of danger, the normal instinct of survival seems to strike

inward, like a disease, distorting the personality and

removing interest.

and

That

tell

motives other than those of sheer

all

my

is

why

this

afternoon

I

self-

did not wait to go

former comrades-in-arms what had hap-

pened to me. For one thing, they probably already

knew; besides,

it

seemed unfair

to risk

awakening

their

dormant sense of humanity. Beside a roadside tree was gathered a group of sentries

tary

—

all

that

strength.

remained of our company's

We

effective mili-

had landed on the west coast of

Leyte as part of a mixed brigade, which in turn belonged to

one of several

Army

corps that had been sent to re-

lieve the desperate position of the

the Tacloban area.

At

the beach

Japanese forces in

we had been met by

massive American air attack; half of our

a

men had been

^

10

and

killed,

Fires

f*

transports.

all

on

the Plain

heavy equipment sunk together with the

The

was then

surviving half of our corps

ordered to proceed eastward, according to plan, along

moun-

the narrow path that crossed the island's central tain range.

had only

Our

just

but

we

reached the foot of the mountains when

we

objective

was Burauen

airfield,

ran into the scattered remnants of another

which had

set

out ahead of us.

It

Army

corps,

appeared that they

had been turned back by an American

column

flying

armed with trench mortars.

We now

tried to cross the

where there was no path to climb

we were

at all,

mountains farther south

we

but as soon as

started

subjected to a fierce trench-mortar at-

We

tack from three directions.

returned at the double to

the foot of the mountains and deployed.

The

various

companies spread out over the valley and pitched camp; a liaison officer was dispatched to the base at further

spread

among

CO.

Be

way

it

returned,

the

for

rumor

had sent

across the mountains, but that

had torn them up

that as

he

the soldiers that headquarters

us orders to force our

our

When

instructions.

Ormoc

in disgust.

may, our company, which by now had

been decimated to the

size of a platoon,

small village in the valley.

The

rations,

remained

in a

brought with us

from Ormoc, were soon exhausted, nor was

it

long be-

P

Departure

we had

fore

had

Filipino inhabitants

doned

and other

finished the corn

their houses.

Our

11

)l

cereals that the

behind when they aban-

left

activities

became concentrated

on searching for potatoes, bananas, and any other food

we could

that

lay our hands

on

in the near-by fields

and

hills.

For the purpose of these foraging expeditions our

company was divided would go and

live off the

returned, they

and

in

would run

its

group to

live

After

as

to

As tries

I

made my way between

having to repeat

fierce

area. Inevitatrips be-

weeks went by. carry heavy loads

in the foraging.

the ineluctable order to go

they looked

and

which company had

my hemorrhage I was not fit to

stemmed

units

and such an

and therefore could not take part this

for themselves

and duration of the foraging

as the

they

on while the second group

members from other

the preferential rights in such bly the distance

when

Often on these expeditions they

turn.

into

One group

land for a few days;

arguments would ensue

came longer

three groups.

would bring enough food

for the third

went out

into

up

at

my

me

and

kill

From

myself.

the trees toward the sen-

in silent greeting. I

dreaded

formal report to the N.C.O. in

charge; even more, I hated exposing myself to their apathetic sympathy. I felt that they were

all

waiting for

H

H

12

Fires on the Plain

the fateful words, "I've been thrown out," and

it

seemed

ages before I reached the tree trunk around which they

were gathered.

The lance listened to

my

see that he

was moved,

of his

own

was impassive while he

corporal's pale face report.

Yet when as

if

I

my

had

fate

finished, I could

had reminded him

uneasiness about the future.

"I really don't

"you or we.

It

know who's

won't be long

better off,"

now

he muttered,

before they'll be order-

ing us to mass for a final breakthrough.

At

least you'll

be

getting out of that!" "I

suppose

don't

they'll

you

let

into

the

hospital,

though," said one of the soldiers. I

smiled.

"If they don't let

do,"

I said,

me

in, I've just

was wondering how

time

end

as quickly as possible.

When with

I

if

the twisted look that

face was catching, like a yawn. I left

my

company.

all

an

one of the soldiers

exchanged glances had a twisted look on

wondered

Thus

they

to bring the scene to

said good-by, I noticed that

whom I

face. I

till

repeating the squad leader's words. But

this

I

got to wait

I felt

on

his

my own

&

The Forest Path

&

&

13

& THE FOREST PATH

2

In the center of the village towered a huge acacia casting

tree,

its

shadow over

stretched across the dusty road.

I

was

utterly deserted.

sun-drenched

fields.

a crushing sense of despair; yet at the same time

was aware of a certain dormant happiness

within me. For at last I was free.

dom

lay simply in the fact that

where

which

shining volcanic gravel spread out from the

village over the green, I felt

roots,

The empty houses were

closed and shuttered; the village

The brown,

own

its

I

went or what

spend these

last

I did.

days of

my

To be

sure,

stirring

my

free-

no one cared any longer

But life,

at least I

was

free to

not as a soldier under

orders, but as I myself wished. I

had already decided on

back

to the hospital. This

my

destination: I

was going

was not out of any vain hope

of being admitted as a patient. No, I simply wanted to

meet the

men who were

building.

Nor

"planted" there in front of the

did I have any special

aim

in this; I

was

only interested in looking once more at these people who, like

me, had nowhere

to go.

When I left the village,

I

could see the

fields

spread out

W

^

14

Fires on the Plain

in all directions.

About

On

north they were bounded by a forest.

paddy

flat

ahead

half a mile straight

to the

the right, the

fields stretched into the distance as far as the

volcanic mountain range that formed the spine of Leyte Island.

One low branch

of the mountains extended to the

and formed a backdrop

left

was curved gently

like the

to the forest

ahead of me;

smooth back of a recumbent

woman. Far

to the left

with a small

hummock, and

came

undulations

its

to

an end

could

at this point I

out a rapid river about twenty yards wide. tains rose steeply again

it

make

The moun-

on the opposite bank and

fol-

lowed the river downstream. Beyond these mountains

must have

lain the ocean.

The

hospital

was about four

miles straight ahead, through the forest and over the

The afternoon sun was

dazzling,

and yet the

clear,

An enemy

plane

shining sky was pregnant with storm. flew round its

and round

in the

engines interrupted

sound of our

somewhere open

same

now and

antiaircraft

guns

in the mountains.

fields, I

hills.

spot, the insect

buzz of

then by the staccato

firing sporadically

from

Walking here through the

risked being strafed by the plane, but in

my

present predicament this danger failed to worry me.

My tion

handkerchief under

and

my

rifle in

a sprightly pace.

I

my

my

cap to catch the perspira-

shoulder-strap, I strode along at

had a temperature,

I

realized, but

&

The Forest Path

my normal existence. in my own free way, I

had by now become part of

fever If I

^

15

was

to live this final period

must disregard such things

when

all

as temperatures:

hope of a cure has gone,

Walking along,

I

is

and

illness,

no such great matter.

occasionally had to stop by the side

of the road to spit out the

me

throat. It rather pleased

tubercle bacilli that I

mucus

my

that kept rising in

to think of the malignant

had brought from Japan being

scorched to death under the tropical sun.

At

the entrance to the forest the road divided into two.

Straight ahead

was the path that crossed the

directly to the opposite valley

left-hand fork circled the tually hills it

where lay the

hills

and led

hospital.

hummock by the river and

emerged into the same

valley.

The

even-

The path over

the

was, of course, far shorter, but having already taken

three times in the past twenty-four hours, I decided

the spur of the

moment

on

to try the unfamiliar circuitous

route. It

was dark within the

forest.

On

narrow path towered huge oaklike tween them was densely

wood and vines

filled

either side of the

trees; the

space be-

with unfamiliar brush-

shrubs that stretched out the tentacles of their

and creepers

in all directions.

thick with moldering leaves,

The ground was

which here

in the tropics

kept falling regardless of the season; the surface of the

^

16

t*

path

Fires

rubber under

felt soft as

made a

leaves

my

feet.

on

the Plain

The newly

sound that reminded

rustling

me

road through Musashi Plain at home. With

bowed

A

I

walking along

this

me

my

head

then with great force: / was

path for the

would never walk along

looked about.

mous

of the

walked along.

thought struck

yet I

fallen

A

and

again. I stopped

and

time in

deathlike hush hovered over the enor-

With

trees.

it

my

life,

first

their

trunks,

straight

their

widely

spread branches, and their broad leaves, they looked

much

like

our oak trees in Japan; only their names

I

did

not know. Here they had stood for decades and decades before

I

passed beneath them, and here they would con-

tinue to stand long after

nothing strange in I

my

To be

death.

this thought,

What was

tradiction existing in

my mind

was passing here for the

that I

would never pass here

For example,

Philip-

time and the certainty

in the future. first

time since leaving

had been struck by such in June,

unknown

between the knowledge

first

This was by no means the I

this

strange was the complete con-

that I

Japan that

was

nor in the thought that

would never again walk through

pine forest.

sure, there

when our

through the Pacific and

I

irrational ideas.

troopship was passing

stood on deck vaguely gazing

&

The Forest Path out to sea,

I

had suddenly seen myself impersonally,

one sometimes does

in

dreams, as part of a

ordered scene. The dark-blue, out in

all

11

directions to

monochrome

form a perfect

sea stretched

up

who were

the circumference, so that we,

as

tidy, well-

circle girded

horizon; the waters seemed to be forced

&

all

by the round

in the center,

occupied a sort of hollow. Not far from the water's surface hovered

a flat-bottomed cloud,

formed

like

the

two-tiered rice cakes offered at Shinto shrines; as the ship glided smoothly along, the cloud kept

and remained

at the

With

like a fan.

astern, rotating slowly

sound of the waves lapping

the regular

the sides of the ship sel engines,

same position

exact shape

its

and the monotonous

hum

of the die-

the whole orderly scene suddenly struck

me

as very strange. I

—an

a peculiar excitement

felt

with

somehow

pleasurable pain. Perhaps

the fact that at that

timent of there

my

excitement tinged

moment

I

it

derived from

had an unconscious presen-

defeat and death. Normally,

had

I

stood

on deck observing the odd cloud and the accom-

panying dreamlike scene,

I

would

in the

mind have imagined myself describing later to

my

friends at

home who had

fortune to sail across the Pacific.

it all

back of

my

some weeks

not had the good

Did not

my

excitement

18

V*

Fires

V*

and pain

from

arise precisely

on

the Plain

my knowledge

never have the chance of returning

home

that I

would

to describe

my

experiences?

Again, was

made

it

it

not

this

same presentiment of death

seem so strange

to

me now

that

that I should never

again walk along this path in the Philippine forest? In

our

own

country, even in the most distant or inaccessible

never comes to

part, this feeling of strangeness

cause subconsciously sibility

is

always a pos-

of our returning there in the future.

Does not our

entire life-feeling

that

we know

us, be-

we can

that there

depend upon

this inherent

we

repeat indefinitely what

assumption

are doing at the

moment? I felt

not the slightest sorrow at the knowledge of

approaching death. Perhaps

it

was

this

very foreknowl-

edge that recently had so enhanced the joy in nature

lands.

—

The

my

I

experienced

in the tropical nature of these Philippine Issoft sensation

walked across the lawn

under

in front of

my

when

I

had

Manila Castle, the daz-

zling vermilion of the bougainvillaea squall, the bright red

boots

washed by a sudden

and yellow of the sky

at

dawn and

sunset, the purple-tinted volcanoes, the coral reefs encircling the

foaming white waves, the shadowy woods by

the ocean's edge

—

all this

a joy verging on ecstasy.

had begun I

to

fill

my

heart with

thanked fate which thus be-

^

The Forest Path fore

my

death had deigned to show

abundance of rich than I

the end

My

life.

the beauty and

had been

existence hitherto

might have wished; but

was being blessed by

I

me

it

fate

^

19

less

seemed that now

—by

at

had

fate, or,

I

not so resolutely refused the word, by God.

Fundamentally,

suppose,

I

my

recent confusion of

thought and feeling derived from the fact that the equi-

my

librium between

inner consciousness and the outer

world had begun to break down. This process had started

when and

I

was being transported across the ocean

kill,

and

I

suddenly had realized that

I

to fight

had not the

slightest will either to fight or to kill.

My

growing fascination with the natural beauty of the

was

Philippines of mind.

A

itself

a

symptom

of

successful infantryman

my

must look

only from the standpoint of necessity. in the

ground

is

abnormal

A

state

at nature

gentle hollow

nothing but a shelter from

artillery

fire,

the beautiful green fields simply dangerous terrain

that

must be crossed

soldier, as

he

is

at the double.

Indeed to the foot

shoved around from place to place, de-

pending on the particular her sundry aspects

is

tactics of the day,

nature in

essentially meaningless. It

is

all

this

very lack of meaning that supports his existence and provides the wellspring of his courage.

Now if,

as a result

of cowardice or of introspection, this solid carapace of

20

?*

F/rej on the Plain

t*

meaninglessness should crack, what is

is

revealed beneath

something even more meaningless for living men: in fine, a presentiment of death.

it is,

&

3

&

FIRES ON THE PLAIN

Without knowing

more along

it,

I

had begun

to

walk once

the forest path. It ran parallel to the low

branch of the mountain, which undulated gently within the forest, hills

and

as I

walked

gleaming through the

when

then,

provided

I

could see the green of the

trees

the forest thinned,

this fantastic

as the roadside.

on

my

right.

and

the undergrowth that

green cloak spread

A row of stunted

Now

down

as far

trees traced the line of

the hilltop; standing there by themselves, they looked like a

column of men.

The where

forest

came

tufts of grass

gravel. This

an end, emerging into a large plain

to

grew sparsely among the sand and

was a dry

river bed. Scattered here

and there

like islands, clusters of tall rushes glistened silver-bright

in the late afternoon sun. In the center of the scene that

stretched out before me, the river formed a single steel

on the Plain

Fires

t*

^

21

thread gliding rapidly along the far edge of the plain.

Across the river rose a

Tama County

at

light

bank. The great

hill

before

it

become a

to

steep

It

in

hill

green of the grass by the river

sloped smoothly upstream, but a

reached ground level

bottom of the

Mount Yoko

home. The green covering of the

merged with the

little

high as

hill as

From

cliff.

it

dropped

the dry river

off sharply

bed

at the

rose a single pillar of black smoke.

cliff

came, no doubt, from one of the bonfires one saw

so often in the Philippines at this time of the year. Since

we had landed Filipinos

seemed

in the islands fires like this, in

burned the husks of

to

their

in fact,

our only evidence of the continued

existence of the native inhabitants, all sides

main to

corn after harvest,

have been almost constantly on our horizon.

They were,

on

which the

but

whom we

duties of the sentries

who surrounded

hardly ever saw.

was

One

of the

to detect these fires

and

judge from the shape of the smoke whether they were

genuine bonfires for burning waste husks, or signal lit

us

by

fires

means of communicating

guerrillas as a primitive

information to their distant comrades.

The column

of

smoke

was large and vigorous: real bonfire.

whereas the

that

it

rose across the river

almost certainly came from a

Besides, the sinister

now

smoke

fire

was in an open

signals

plain,

were almost always

22

|H

lit

it

F/r^.y

more

in

this

(0

I felt

was a genuine

it

like

must be some person

bonfire, there

must be a Filipino

P/a/n

a shock of fear. Even admitting that

over there

standing

f/*e

coming upon

inaccessible places. Yet,

by myself,

cw

.

beside .

.

it

and

.

.

and

.

person

this

for us all Filipinos

were

enemies.

For the

time, I regretted having chosen this un-

first

now

familiar route; but,

ney,

whose

death,

final destination

seemed odious

it

that I

had embarked on

it

to turn back. I studied the ter-

my

glance follow-

crossed the huge plain and finally disap-

peared into a forest straight ahead. Directly on lay another forest all,

and

make

I

jour-

could in any case only be

rain in the direction of the hospital,

ing the path as

my

where there seemed

to

my

right

be no path

at

decided to avoid the exposed river bed and to

a detour through this forest; later

I

would

join the

path at the far end of the plain. I

had to use

my bayonet to

cut

away

the ivy that coiled

my legs and to hack at the low branches that blocked my path. Several times my unwieldy Army around

boots slipped on the swampy, leaf -covered ground. So as

not to lose

edge of the

my

way,

forest,

from the plain

lit

I

kept

my

eyes constantly on the

where the bright

reflection of light

the ferns in emerald. Suddenly I

upon a path leading

came

to the interior of the forest. I fol-

Fires on the Plain

lowed there

a short distance

it

was a

me

looking at

my

till it

day,

He was an

reached a clearing where

to the hut stood a Filipino.

with wide-open eyes.

sir," said

the Filipino, in a cringing tone.

unhealthy-looking

man

where few,

"Hello," I answered mechanically in

and once more

smell.

dirty,

I

"You

air

open door

the

which was raised

ously, his eyes fixed

on

surprise, I

my

It

Visayan,

was com-

was redolent with a peculiar I

off the

could see the interior

ground by

are welcome, sir," said the

To my

in this area

my bad

examined the surroundings.

and the

Through

of the hut,

emaciated

any, of the native inhabitants remained.

if

pletely quiet

From

of about thirty.

wondered what he could be doing

I

He was

stopped, leveled

I

faded blue breeches emerged a pair of

legs.

^

and quickly glanced round.

rifle,

"Good

his

Next

hut.

23

f*

stilts.

man, laughing nerv-

rifle.

heard myself ask: "Have you any

corn?"

The man's

"You

face clouded over slightly, but he repeated:

are welcome, sir," as he walked round to the

back of the hut. over a

fire

and

I

in

followed him. it

A

large iron pot

bubbled a mushy yellow

hung

liquid.

Next to the pot was a heap of yellow mountain potatoes; I

realized that the unpleasant smell

tatoes,

came from

which were being boiled down for

these po-

their juice.

^

^t

24

Fires on the Plain

In a separate pot ears of corn were cooking.

The man

scooped a helping of corn onto a dirty wax dish, added

some coarse-grained black mediately "Is this

I

knew

that I

salt

had not the

your own house?"

"No," he

and handed

it

to

me. Im-

slightest appetite.

asked.

I

said, "I live over there

—on

the other side of

the river."

He

pointed through the trees in the direction from

which

had come.

I

walked

all this

way

I

why he

did not see

to

do

his cooking.

one of the few places where one could "What's that juice for?"

I

should have

Perhaps still

this

was

find potatoes.

asked, pointing to the large

pot; but I could not understand his answer. I sat

on the ground with the dish

man was

still

staring at

me

in front of

me. The

with a forced smile.

"Aren't you going to eat, sir?" he asked. I

shook

my

head and

corn that he had given

same time emptied

at the

me

into

my

haversack.

gusted at myself for taking his food

when

I

the

I felt dis-

was not hun-

gry-

Already

I

had begun

seemed harmless enough. To be diers

had had

little

my

to relax

sure,

guard.

The man

we Japanese

sol-

opportunity or inclination to learn

about the Filipinos, but, so far as

I

could judge, the only

thing in this fellow's mind, as he squatted there looking

^

Fires on the Plain

straight

at

me

desire of the

^

25

with his fixed smile, was the simple

conquered subject to curry favor with the

tyrant.

All of a sudden, as

he had

if

he said: "Wouldn't you

"The ones next "No, no.

He jumped followed

brilliant idea,

some potatoes?"

like

to the pot?"

I've got

here a minute,

on a

hit

sir. I'll

some much

better ones. Just wait

go and fetch them for you."

and hurried

to his feet

him vacantly with my eyes

into the forest. I as

he ran

straight

along the path without turning around and finally disap-

peared I

down

a slope.

examined the

were

filthy

interior of the hut.

it

was

in

of ever acquiring anything it

occurred to

people, I might

lizard. I realized

such bare and dilapidated hovels that

most Filipino peasants spent

Suddenly

floorboards

and cracked, the bamboo props were bent,

and on the rough board walls crawled a that

The

me

somehow

Some time passed and

their lives, without

beyond the barest that

still

essentials.

by joining myself

find a

the

means of

man

the potatoes. I recalled his agile

I

The huge

.

.

.

did not return with as he

hurried

path to the point where he had disappeared. about.

to these

survival.

movements

stood up and began to feel uneasy.

hope

down I

had the

looked

trees stood there silently. "He's given

me

26

V*

&

Fires

on the Plain

the slip!" I thought, and was overcome by anger. I ran to the edge of the forest and, sure enough, there he was,

dashing at

full

speed across the plain toward the

As he neared

the

bank he stopped

for a

moment and

turned round. Recognizing me, he shook his

fist

eningly above his head. I could not possibly shoot

He

this distance.

body was hidden I

river.

threat-

him

at

continued running and before long his in the glittering rushes.

smiled grimly. Having seen the impotent hatred in

the eyes of the Filipinos in Manila, I should have realized

the futility of seeking their friendship. I walked back to the hovel, kicked over the pot of steaming potatoes, and left.

This

From I

now had become

the fact that the

a dangerous place to

man had

gathered that his companions were

Accordingly

open

plain.

I

no longer

stay.

fled across the river, all

hesitated to

on the other

show myself

Hurrying over the dry gravel,

I

in the

approached

the point where the path entered the forest ahead;

determined to be out of the way when that

side.

man

I

was

returned

with his companions. In the forest the trees were small, with narrow trunks.

There were

anthills

were gushing forth tiously.

My

on both

sides of the path,

in a constant stream. I

and ants

advanced cau-

encounter with the Filipino had robbed

me

&

Fires on the Plain

of

all

sense of security, and

I

was no longer

^

27

mood

in the

for abstract meditation.

When the trees began to thin out, smoke

still

see the

two

fires rising

I

looked back.

across the river, but

from the base of the

summit of the

hill,

now

cliff.

I

could

there were

And from

which from here looked

the

man

like a

crouching with his back turned, rose a third column of

smoke.

The smoke

poured straight up-

at the foot of the hill

ward, quickly and vigorously, in two thick the

smoke

at the

summit was

rising to a certain height,

thin

broke

pillars;

and elegant and,

off in the

but

after

high-blowing

wind, becoming wispy like the end of a broom; and far

up

in the sky

it

shook and

with the breeze.

It

fluttered, as

was strange

to see these

pletely different types of fire so close to

my

experience standing guard

the hilltop

smoke

I felt

came from burning

though frolicking

two com-

each other.

sure that the

grass

and was

From

fire

on

in fact a

signal.

The path now began the foot of the the camp.

to describe a great arc, following

mountain that separated the hospital from

The contour

of the mountain, which from the

south had resembled the graceful line of a woman's back,

was from

this

side strangely

narrow and forbidding.

^

^

28

From

on

Fires

the Plain

summit two narrow ridges sloped down

the

like a

pair of straddling legs, and in a hollow of one of the ridges

a

noticed

I

rock

greenish-brown

formation

shaped exactly like an armchair. The valley for which I

was heading should

quickened

my

first

ridge. I

pace.

The path entered into two,

beyond the

lie just

still

another forest and again divided

one branch running more or

with

less parallel

the course of the river and the other following the line

of the central mountain range.

I

took the second path

and soon emerged onto an enormous grassy here I saw yet another prairie

The

fire.

my

forest stretched to

left in

the direction of the

sea and disappeared in the distance. plain rose and

away

my

it

fell like

view

like a screen.

lit

of

me

stopped in

Halfway between

There was no one

my

tracks

on the

plains.

me

The chance

me and

the rock

in a strip

some

in sight.

and gazed

could not be because of

at the

smoke. Surely

that these fires

were being

of killing a single Japanese

soldier could hardly warrant the effort of starting

these

the

a huge sand dune until half a mile

was burning across the plain

sixty yards wide.

it

Ahead

reached a bare rock formation, which blocked

the grass

I

And

plain.

smoke

signals. It

must be simply a coincidence

all

that

Fires

I

on

&

the Plain

29

?#

had chosen a route along which the Filipinos happened

to be lighting their prairie I

was seized by a

fires.

terrible uneasiness,

though

did

this

not derive from fear that the guerrillas were conspiring

my

death. Rather,

had

left

belonged to the same strange confu-

which had plagued

sion of feelings since I

it

me

Japan aboard the troopship.

realized that these fires

on the

plains

meant

intermittently

To be

sure, I

that enemies

were lurking near by, but the terror inspired by the

umns

of

smoke came not from

my

It

fires.

sense of utter isolation from the rest of

humanity that made these

more

but from the order of

and from the number of the

the recent events

was no doubt

this,

col-

irrational fancies so

much

frightening than any logical fears.

I tried to dispel

studying

my

gathered that

the growing atmosphere of sorcery

bearings. it

From

the width of the plain I

must be part of the valley for which

was aiming; and, sure enough, there corner,

by

by the foot of the rocks,

I

I

in the far right-hand

could

make out

a cluster

Now at least I whom I could talk.

of familiar buildings. I set off briskly.

would have companions I

had no other thought

—people

to

in mind.

Since the path crossed directly through the burning belt of grass, I

branched

off to the right

through the

^

^

30

Fires

shoulder-high rushes. Yet, as I

my

could not take

I

on

the Plain

headed toward the houses

eyes off the prairie

fires.

The sun

was sinking rapidly and a wind had sprung up. The

smoke crawled along the cloak;

now and

then

and blow away

tufts

grass, covering

would

it

rise

it

like a white

suddenly in wool-like

in the direction of the forest that

stretched toward the sea. I

could not see a soul on the entire plain.

the people

who had

nothing to

tell

^ I

lit

these fires? There

Where were

was no one and

me.

^ THE REJECTS

4

approached the hospital compound, passing

through the

fields

where the

villagers

had cut the

grass

and planted corn. The bare ridges between the harvested fields

reached

looked up

all

at the

the

way

ahead of me.

I

mountain, which again displayed the

same voluptuous curves afternoon. But,

to the foothills

now

as

when I had

that I

was

that the beautiful green covering

left

close to

camp it,

I

early that

could see

was merely a tangle of

&

The Rejects

31

^

rough brushwood which straggled unevenly to the summit, interspersed with patches of ugly red clay.

The compound that

an

had formerly been

office

tors

consisted of three

wooden

civilian houses.

and the other two

One was used

as

Here two Army doc-

as wards.

and seven orderlies looked

buildings

after

about

fifty patients.

Everything was in short supply. Bandages were never

changed and no medicine was provided. Originally the hospital

had been on the

tary operations

it

coast, but in the course of mili-

had been moved

the thirty-odd patients

inland, together with

who had been

fit

to walk.

constituted the nucleus of the present inmates; soldiers

were admitted unless they brought

These

no other

sufficient ra-

tions.

The only concern their patients slightest

of the doctors

and save food.

If

any

symptoms of diarrhea,

was how

to get rid of

man showed

his rations

even the

were imme-

diately stopped. In such cases, the patient often preferred to leave the hospital,

however

to starve slowly to death.

On

ill

he might be, rather than

his departure,

ceive one day's supply of food, to live

he would

re-

on while he searched

for his original unit.

Some

of these

men were

able to walk only a few hun-

dred yards from the hospital before they collapsed by the side of the path.

For a few days they would crawl

32

)0

F/res on

t*

f/ie

Pto'n

about from place to place, and occasionally one would

come upon them

at

some distance from

the hospital, ly-

ing under a tree or by the edge of the forest; then they disappeared. Others,

who

could not

move or who

did

not want to move, "planted" themselves by the side of the forest

some twenty yards from

numbers were gradually I

was exhausted now

the hospital. Their

increasing. as I

made my way over

the hard

stubble of the corn to where these soldiers were "planted." Finally I sat

down and drank some water from my

was overcome by a numb

teen. I

can-

feeling of desolation,

the result partly of physical exhaustion and partly of the loneliness of the

huge plain across which

was ages now since

I

had

had come.

It

seen the familiar hospital

first

buildings in the distance, yet

I

it

had seemed that

I

would

never reach them. Clustered there compactly beyond the billowing sea of rushes, they had looked so close that

had almost

awed by

me on

felt I

could reach out and touch them.

all sides

ears

rushes

was

the immensity of this plain, which surrounded

and which had kept

destination. All the time, the

my

I

I

on

its

bowed

way

me

so long from

wind soughed gently

across the wide

empty

their heads in unison, as

fields. if

The

my past tall

being tram-

pled by some invisible giant's foot, and remained prostrate

and motionless.

.

.

.

&

The Rejects

^

33

I

heard a voice behind me. "What, are you here again?"

I

turned around and saw the expressionless face of a

whom

middle-aged soldier called Yasuda

morning on

my way

from the

hospital.

from tropical ulcers and one of the size of a

huge

club.

On

as a biscuit, in the center of

round

as large

the

an aromatic plant

leaf of

over the

They wouldn't take me back

company. They sent

leaf,

won't do you

me back

in

my

here again."

much good coming

here,

you know,"

Yasuda.

said I

was an ulcer

to

with a piece of cotton.

it all

"That's right.

"It

had swollen

his leg, applying a small piece of tin

and securing

suffering

Yasuda had adopted

remedy of wrapping the

local

that

which the bone was exposed

a grain of boiled rice.

like

He was

his legs

the shin

had met

I

wanted

to the hospital,

squatters.

had come, not

to say that I

be admitted

but simply in the hope of joining the

The words

stuck in

my

what had originally been an solitary

to

walk through the

necessity. I could not tell

throat as I realized that

during

interest had,

forests

and

plains,

him how desperate

I

my

become a was

to be-

long once more to a group of living people. "I I

spair

had nowhere

else to go," I said vaguely.

looked round and counted

who were

sitting

my

companions-in-de-

here by the edge of the forest.

We

— &

34

?*

Firgj

were eight soldiers in

when there

I

had passed

all;

had been two new

the Plain

who had been

of the six

in the

on

morning, one had

arrivals apart

left,

here

and

from myself.

Only one of us was completely immobile. He was a

young

soldier

who had been thrown

few days before in the

annoyed one of the

from diarrhea,

out of the hospital a

last stages of

orderlies.

The

malaria for having

others were suffering

beriberi, tropical ulcers, bullet

wounds

or a combination of these complaints; they could have left at

any time, had they known of a worth-while des-

tination.

Like me, they were the army. At

this stage of the

own

men had been

these

units,

dis-

why should

the hospitals

somehow

the field hos-

bother to take care of them? Yet pital

a defeated

campaign, they could be of no

Once

possible military use.

carded from their

rejects, the debris of

remained, in their imagination, from the days when

they had

still

haven, his

been on active duty,

last resort;

pound, knowing

full

as the soldier's final

and so they hovered near the comwell that they could die in agony

before they would ever be admitted. I

had often observed them during

pital as

an

official patient.

No

my

doubt

I

time had a presentiment that before long ing their numbers.

From

the

stay in the hos-

already at that I

would be

ward they had looked

join-

like a

&

35

^

large stain spread over the forest's edge; they

had

lain

The Rejects

about in sionally

all

directions without

no particular purpose. They had seemed

their

animals than

like

in fact,

reason. Occa-

one of them would get up and move around

sluggishly for

more

rhyme or

human

domestic animals

beings; they resembled,

who have been

homes and who wander about

turned out of

helplessly,

uprooted

and perplexed.

Now

that I

was one of them, however,

surprise that there

about these men. that each

I

found

to

was a certain self-contained calm It

was

was guarding

his

from

clear

own

their expressions

private personality, that

each had his individual needs and moreover a

which

still

strove to tackle these needs.

Even

their

ments, which from the

ward had seemed so

now began

meaning.

to acquire a

spirit

move-

pointless,

Shortly after I arrived, for instance, one of the

who had been dozing came over

to

men,

a few yards away, stood up and

me.

"How much He was

my

food have you got?" he asked.

fearfully

emaciated and

was suffering from diarrhea;

for,

I

could

tell

that

even as he awaited

he

my

answer, his whole body shook uncontrollably. "Six potatoes," I said.

The man nodded with an

air of satisfaction

and

tot-

^t

&

36

Fires on the Plain

tered

back to

his place. Evidently

know

exactly

how much food each

he

necessary to

felt it

person had.

"Ha, ha! Six spuds! You're a real millionaire, aren't

you?" said a young soldier who was lying near me. He

was one of the new

wound

arrivals.

On

been

in

your unit," he continued. "In

company they only

give us two spuds

And now

one

He

bullet

infested with maggots.

"I wish I'd

out.

was a

his ankle

I've just got

when

it

up

for everyone to see.

that immediately fell all around,

attention to the

scantiness

we're thrown

left."

from

carefully produced the potato

and held

my

of

it

From

was

one's

breach of local etiquette. The young

his

pocket

the silence

clear that to call

resources

man

was a

took in the

situation.

"Don't worry," he said with a sarcastic grunt. "I'm not asking any of you bastards to help me!

I

can manage for

myself. I'm going over there tonight to see

what

I

can

pinch."

He

glared in the direction of the hospital

office.

"Oh, what's going to happen to us?" said a voice, rather in the

melodramatic tone of an actor in a radio play.

came from a young man who had belonged

company first

as

to the

It

same

Yasuda, the middle-aged soldier who had

spoken to

me on my

arrival.

His face was swollen

&

The Rejects

^

37

with undernourishment and beriberi and looked enor-

mous over

his

"Happen

sunken

to us!" said the one-potato soldier with a

sneer. "We'll die

But

is

—

that's what's

going to happen to us!

not only us. Everyone who's on

it's

land

chest.

finished!

Anyhow,

it's

this

damned

no good worrying about

isit

now."

"What about the parachute expect?

It

unit they said

we

could

should be here any day now," said another

sol-

dier.

"Pshaw! Have you seen a single one of our planes since

we landed on

this island?

themselves in daylight. like a lot of

damned

They

bats!

They don't dare

just flap

And

around

to

show

at night

the last few nights they

haven't even done that. If any parachute units are landing,

to

be the Americans. Except that they aren't going

it'll

mess about with parachutes. They'll be landing in

LST's

—

right over there."

He pointed toward "It

won't be

all

the west coast.

that easy for them,

you know,"

other soldier, joining the conversation. "After

all,

said an-

we

still

control the west." "I wouldn't soldier.

be so sure about that," said the one-potato

"Hear that

firing? That's the

Americans

Ormoc. They'll be here before we know

it.

shelling

Listen!"

38

\M

Fires on the Plain

ffl

The

distant thunder of shellfire reverberated in the

sky to our north.

was a harsh

It

roar, completely different

from the familiar dry sound of trench mortars. As

boomed southward

across the plain, striking the

it

moun-

behind us and echoing from valley to valley, we

tains

could feel the earth trembling. a twenty-five caliber," said one of the soldiers.

"It's

We

were

all silent, listening intently to

the artillery

fire.

"Well, what the hell's the difference?" said the one-

potato soldier, in his usual sneering tone. "It mightn't be

such a bad thing

now

that we've

been kicked out of our

why we should heroes!

We

done with

try to

might as well

"Kill us?

at

Why

an American thinks he's put

is

who

us.

the hell should they kill us? it's

Those

fel-

an honor to be a P.O.W. As soon

as

taken prisoner, everyone automatically

up a

terrific fight until

They think

much corned it!"

bunch of damned

be taken prisoner and have

some distance from

lows even believe

with

all

like a

units, I don't see

though," said another soldier,

us,

kill

was squatting

us so

behave

all,

it!"

"They'd

captured.

the Americans did come. After

if

the

moment he was

the world of prisoners. They'll give

beef to eat

we won't know what

to

do

&

Purple Shadows

39

&

"Shut up!" said the young malarial soldier, rising unsteadily to his feet. His

bloodshot. self

"You dare

cheeks were flushed and his eyes

to talk like that

and

still

your-

call

Japanese!"

The one-potato

soldier looked steadily ahead, with a

fixed sneer, while the malarial soldier

more

excited. I thought

grew more and

he was going to speak again, but

instead he just cleared his throat

and collapsed on the

ground.

&

5

& PURPLE SHADOWS

The day was

finally

drawing to an end. The sky

was red with the afterglow of sunset and the peaks of the central

mountain range were brightly

ground

it

tinted.

On

the

was growing dark; even the spaces between

the blades of grass

were

filled

with purple shadows. The

sweet-sour smell of the tropical night rose from the earth.

Far away over the

hills

across the river

was a

twisted clouds, standing next to each other like a

were tinted bright

line of

row of

The

caterpillars;

they,

prairie fires

had died down and nothing remained of

too,

red.

— 40

V*

£*

Fires

them but wisps of smoke wind had

rising all

on

around

the Plain

The

like steam.

fallen.

In the hospital wards, about twenty yards from where

we

lay,

it

was evidently supper time. The

hurrying to and fro with mess trays.

a

man

about

forty,

—stood

officer

He

ing sky. in

who

orderlies

One of

the doctors

did not look like a regular

in front of the office

were

and gazed

at the

Army glow-

gave a deep sigh and for an instant glanced

our direction. Then he hurried back to the building.

There was a

lively

by the edge of the "Well,

Yasuda. soldier still

it's

He

was

hum from

forest

it

was

the

compound, but here

quiet.

about time for us to have a

bite, too," said

stood up and walked to where the malarial lying.

got a spud

"Look

left, I'll

here, pal," he said, "if you've

go and boil

it

for

you with my

own."

The

soldier half

rolled over

on

opened

his eyes,

his other side. I

that he did not

want

shook

his head,

wondered whether

to eat, or that

and

it

was

he had no food

left.

Leaning on the branch that he used as a cane, Yasuda hobbled into the interior of the

forest.

His retreating

fig-

ure seemed to say: "The rest of you can go and boil your

own damned The full

potatoes!"

one-potato soldier followed Yasuda with eyes

of hatred.

&

Purple Shadows

"The

filthy

swine!" he said. "Cooking spuds for himself

in these conditions!

He knows how to take care of himself,

He's got a whole lot of tobacco leaves hidden

all right.

away somewhere the stuff

&

41

in the forest.

wrapped round

the hospital to trade

And

he's got great

his belly. He's just

some

of

could go back to his unit

it

this

been over

minute

if

to

bastard!

He

he wanted

to.

The

for spuds.

wads of

Instead he stays here and does a roaring business."

"What's

it

matter to you?" said the young soldier from

Yasuda's company. "Are you jealous or something?"

"Pshaw!" said the one-potato sick

—

the

Does he

way you always

slip

you a

slice of

stick

soldier.

up

"You make me

for that old bastard!

potato every

now and

then so

that you'll take his side?"

There was no answer.

The

soldiers

began

to take out their

food and

eat.

Usually their meals consisted of pieces of raw potato;

some of the men, however, spread out

— —and

paper save

rice-ball

bits of

crumpled

wrappings that they had managed to

carefully picked off the grains of rice

and

stuck them into their mouths.

The

daily hospital ration of

one

every evening at sundown, and for scanty

rice ball

was served

some reason our own

meals by the edge of the forest conformed

rigorously to this schedule.

^

42

^1

Fires on the Plain

opened

I

corn

my

haversack and munched some of the

had taken from the

I

other handful and gave

He

potato.

it

Filipino.

Then

to the soldier

raised his eyebrows in

I

took out an-

who had

only one

amazement.

"Thank you, thank you very much," he stammered. "But don't worry,

pay you back tomorrow." He

I'll

picked the grains up one by one and popped them into

mouth.

his

The young

soldier

who had been

few minutes before sidled up

to us. His eyes

"Scram!" said the one-potato away.

Now

largesse

walked

and then he glanced

At

moment

that

saw what a tremendous

my

I

But

it

pushing him

hopefully; but

let

at

him and

he was making

was too

in

at selfleft.

choosing the order of

late; in

had not taken the corn

my

out a groan and

had absolutely no food

had made a mistake

generosity.

self, if I

me

at

were shining.

looked straight

I

effort

control. I realized that he

Clearly

soldier,

was exhausted. Finally he off.

arguing with him a

any case,

I

told

in the first place,

my-

no one

would have had anything from me.

The one-potato

soldier

"Thank you," he your kindness

"At

—not

this rate,

had now

finished eating.

said to me. "I shall never forget as long as I live."

I'm afraid

said, laughing, "not for

it

won't be

any of us."

all

that long,"

I

&

Purple Shadows

&

43

'That's right," he said. "But at least tonight I'm going to stock

up

for a few

more

days.

As soon

as

really

it's

dark, I'm going to slip into the hospital and pinch any

food

can lay

I

my

"I wouldn't

that he

hands on." were you,"

if I

I said. I

was about

add

to

would merely be taking food away from the

other patients, but such scruples suddenly seemed feeble.

had stood

Just then I noticed that the malarial soldier

up and was clinging

to a tree trunk. His

trembling and he swayed to and

beyond

right

fields. I

fro.

whole body was

He was

looking

hazy

in the direction of the bluish,

us,

followed his line of vision, but there was nothing

special to see.

"What's wrong?" shouted the one-potato soldier.

you

like the

The

view over there or something?" see

where the

come from, but he seemed unable

to focus his

soldier

voice had

turned round, as

if

to

eyes on any of us. I noticed a stain spreading trouser legs. Malaria

A

down

his

had made him incontinent.

couple of us walked over to him and put our arms

round "It's

"We

"Do

his body. I

a

can't

could

damned change

"It can't

feel its

heat through his uniform.

nuisance," said one of the soldiers. his trousers."

be helped.

.

.

."

said another. "Hey,

when-

&

44

t*

on

Fires

ever you want to leak, just

tell us.

the Plain

We'll help you stand

up."

We to

him down

laid

where we had been "It's

no

carefully

on the grass and returned

sitting.

one of the men. "He won't

use," said

last

much

longer."

There was a pause.

"Look

here," said another soldier in an unexpectedly

loud voice. deserters?"

"Do you

He was

the only

longed to a company. I

got

up and

realize you're all just a

No

man among

us

bunch of

who

still

be-

one answered. about a hundred

set off for the spring

yards away by the foot of the mountain. I wanted to

my

canteen before

it

was too dark. As they saw

several of the soldiers shouted to fill

their canteens also. In the end,

canteens. So even

doomed men,

through the

cannot

forest,

resist

me

me

asking

my

arms were

if I

I reflected as I

fill

leave,

would full

of

trudged

sparing themselves by ex-

ploiting other people's labor.

On my way mess

tin

over a

back, fire

I

He had hung

and was bending over

of the forest the flames it

passed Yasuda.

lit

up

his face

was fined with countless wrinkles,

and

his

it.

In the dark

I

noticed that

like little gashes.

&

Night

^t

attached to

moon

slender it

ta

^ NIGHT

6

The

45

followed the sun's halo, as

if

by a thread, and together they sank beyond

the western mountains. It

was pitch dark.

We

lay down,

covering ourselves with our raincoats and using our

haversacks as pillows.

Now

down

ing of

the

fireflies

the

little

them darted

appeared in

streams that pierced the valley.

straight

ahead

like rockets

yards off the ground, while others

down

The

about two

flitted dizzily

lit it

up

like a great

malarial soldier was moaning.

moan and to

Some

up and

describing the outlines of the trees. Finally they

gathered on one and

if

brightness, fly-

all their

Christmas

It

all

tree.

was a regular

followed the exact rhythm of his breathing, as

remind us

all

of the necessity of inhaling

and exhal-

ing.

"Hey, Dad, are you asleep?" said a voice near by. I recognized I

it

as

coming from the young

soldier to

had not given any corn that evening. At

that he

was talking

to

first I

whom

thought

me and I raised my head; but it was

Yasuda who answered.

"What do you want?"

46

}0

Fires on the Plain

(fl

"Look, Dad, what do you

pen

really think

going to hap-

is

to us?"

"For God's sake, stop bothering me!" said Yasuda.

me

"You've been asking

How many

we

that ever since

times do I have to

tell

you

—

left

we'll just

camp.

have to

wait and see." "That's to

all right

manage. But

I

for you. You're lucky.

.

You know how

."

.

"Well, you'd better figure out

some way

manage,

to

too," said Yasuda.

"But how? you.

have a whole

I don't

And how am

lot of

tobacco

going to get around with

I

like

this beri-

beri?"

"You can out in the to

around better than me!

fields seeing

manage.

damned

get

You

You

ought to be

what you can pick up. That's how

don't think I'd be toadying here to these

orderlies

if it

wasn't for

my

No,

ulcers?

I'd

be out

there in the fields hunting for food."

"Do

they hurt

"They hurt

—your

ulcers?"

like hell!"

"I'm sorry, Dad. But

it's all

right

—

I'll

stick

by you."

"Don't worry about me," said Yasuda. "If you think you're going to get

some potatoes out

around here, you're crazy! self

somewhere and

find

Why

of

me by

hanging

don't you go off by your-

your own food?"

&

Night

"I'd

be lonely."

"Don't be a damned

"Twenty-one.

me 2-B

my

in

was

I

idiot.

How

called

up

give

They graded

physical."

you were! When things get

for himself.

old are you anyway?"

last year.

"If you're twenty-one, you're of like

It's

age

—

like this,

no good worrying about

you another

tip

—

so try to behave

then

.

.

each

it's

others.

man

And

I'll

people can live on just grass and

leaves for a whole month, sometimes even

And

&

47

two months.

."

"Yes, and then what happens?" "Well, something happens. Don't be such an idiot.

Why

look that far ahead?"

"It's different

for you,

Dad. You're older than

me and

you've got plenty of guts. But I've got to the point where I

only want to die." "All right,

Yasuda

if

you want to

die,

who's stopping you?" said

after a pause.

"Look, Dad, would you like to hear "What's the use?

It's

anyone before

just a

maid

in

my

big secret?"

got nothing to do with me."

"Seriously, I'm going to told

my

in all

tell

my

you something

life.

father's house.

My

I've

mother

She wasn't

—

never

she was

his wife at

all."

"Is that all? There's

nothing so unusual about that."

^

Fires on the Plain

^t

48

"Well, I've never heard anyone else say their mother

was a maid

like that."

"Most people don't go around bragging about you. But you can certainly read about films

it

or see

it

it

like

in the

any day of the week."

"Yes,

know.

I

Knew. But

went

I

to see

The Mother

Whom

Once

1

got so fed up I had to leave halfway

I

through."

"What

made you

the hell

tell

me

now

all this

in the

middle of the night?"

"Nothing tem.

.

was bora. it.

Well,

.

.

special. I just

I

to get

I got older

woman

it

out of

my

sys-

got thrown out of the house after

stayed on, but no one told

Then when

the old

Ma

wanted

and

me

I

anything about

started acting a bit wild,

—

mean

Father's real wife, I

—came

out

with the whole story."

Yasuda grunted. "Wild, eh?

What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing houses with

we went

to

my

special. I

friends

used to hang around the tea-

and go

to the movies.

Sometimes

the pachinko parlors."

"What's your father's business?" "He's a blacksmith. He's got a shop next to the police-

box on Shirokawacho old

woman told me,

I

in

Tokyo.

.

.

got angry and ran

.

Well,

when

the

away from home.

&

Night

Then

49

got a job as a waiter in a place I knew.

I

worked

V*

I also

as a cook."

wrong with that?"

"Well, what's fellow can stand

what does

matter

it

"But you

his

own two

who

he's the

on

wanted

see, I

to

said Yasuda. "If a

feet

and make a

living,

son of?"

meet

my

real mother."

"Where was she?" "She'd gone back to her married. Father gave

me

home town

in

her address and

Chiba and got went

I

to visit

her in Matsudo." "I see."

"Her husband was an umbrella-maker and she lived the shop. Luckily he

me to

She said

hell!

come

can

tell

out.

When

she saw me, she gave

was a bastard and asked how

home

to her

business giving I

I

was

me

like that.

She said

my

I

father

dared

had no

her address. She was in a real rage,

you."

"Yes, the same old story," muttered Yasuda. "I don't see

in

why you had

"Well,

I

to tell

still

me now."

got angry too. So I ran

away without even an-

swering her."

"You seem

to enjoy running away," said

then everything was

"When That's

I

when

all right,

Yasuda. "So

wasn't it?"

got back to Tokyo, I went to the movies. I

saw The Mother

Whom

Once

I

Knew.

I

— ^

W

50

Fires on the Plain

couldn't stand "I suppose

"No,

I

though.

it,

had

I

to leave in the middle."

you were crying."

was too unhappy

to cry. I just got

up and ran

out."

There was a long I

might as well

tell

"Yes, please do.

"Of course

Yasuda

silence. Finally

you

my own

story."

Was your mother

not. It

said: "Well,

a maid, too?"

was the other way around with me

I'm the one that had the child."

"How?" "I

My me

made

a waitress pregnant while I was

man found

old

see the

out about

a sap about the whole business.

saw

that

it

to

—

anyone

what had happened old

I

suppose

I let

He

was rather

elder brother

never breathed

not even to me.

to the kid.

man found me

my

I

let

the kid farmed out and

he had a proper education.

a word about

my

He had

at school.

and wouldn't even

it

boy when he was born.

take care of everything.

still

When

I

I

had no idea

finished school,

a job in the country and

I

had

to

leave Tokyo."

"Did your brother have kids of "Yes, but not

looked after

this

till

later.

bucket,

my

own?"

Until the old

kid of mine.

the whole time. Then,

his

when

He

man

died he just

kept him boarded out

the old

man

kicked the

brother brought the boy to the house and

—

"

*

Night

told

me

it

my

was

to recognize

him

me

But he made

kid.

officially as

"Then you got married,

I

long as

own

brother's

—a

promise never

I lived."

suppose."

you know, he was

"That's right. But that kid of mine, a smart youngster

W

51

damned

my

than

sight smarter

children!"

"What about your

legal children?"

"Oh, he was smarter than them too!"

"How

old

he now?"

is

"Sixteen. He's joined

up with the Junior Air Force."

"Really?"

came overseas

"Just before I

him

think of wishing

March,

I

went

to see

a funny thing, you know.

I didn't

him good luck or anything, but

just as I

camp.

at his

in

It's

was leaving, the young fellow says to me: 'Take care of yourself, Dad.'

"You're a bad parent, you know." "Well,

it's

too late to do anything about

Anyhow, he seems teered of his I

to

own accord

know, he may be

minute.

wonder

.

.

if it

.

be best

flying

Considering

that! I if

all right.

for the Junior

He

how he was if

he

.

.

killed.

volun-

this

all

very

born, I sometimes ."

know what you were going

he got

now.

Air Force. For

somewhere up there

wouldn't be best

"Don't say it'd

have turned out

it

to say

But you mustn't say

it.

^

52

F/res on the Plain

f£

You're an

evil person,

ished for

one day."

it

you know. And

"You're damned right

—

right here

on

I will!

be pun-

you'll

I'm going to die like a dog

this filthy island!"

There was a sound of subdued

sniffling.

"For God's sake, don't cry," said Yasuda. "I can't do anything about

now, can I?"

know, but when

"I I

it

hear about bad parents like you,

I

can see why I've had such a rotten time of

suppose

my own Ma

and Dad think

I'd

it

myself.

be better

off

I

dead

too."

"That doesn't necessarily follow," said Yasuda. "Any-

how, for God's sake stop that damned aren't the only

"You're an "Well,

evil

I'm so

if

with an air of

mur: "Yes,

on

that

you can go

evil,

But a

finality.

that's

moment one

unadulterated despair.

dry and echoless, and this primitive

possibly

tell

die."

little

how

to hell!" said

later I

it'll

Yasuda

heard him mur-

happen.

I'll

die here

with that son of mine." of the soldiers let out a deep sigh.

I realized that until then I

was

You

person."

suppose

I

this island

At

one here who's going to

sniffling!

from

It

it

had never heard the voice

was a low, rather thick sound,

trailed off gradually.

statement of despair that

whom

of

it

came.

So inhuman I

could not

&

Night

"Look

here,

young

fellow,"

"you'd better stick with me.

I'll

^t

53

heard Yasuda say,

I

see that

you get along

all

right."

"You

really

mean

it,

Dad? But

."

.

.

"But what?"

"You

frighten me,

you know."

"We'll stick together, I

you. But that

Tomorrow morning

got to work. pital

tell

and see

we

if

can't get

we'll

be sure

They'll

work

all

both go to the hos-

some odd

ing water, cleaning the mess trays

means you've

jobs to do

—

carry-

—any damned one spud each

to give us at least

thing. if

we

day. D'you understand?"

"Yes, I understand, but

work with

my

—but can

do

that sort of

beriberi?"

"Of course you can, you stupid doesn't matter

I

fool!" said

Yasuda.

what work you do, so long

as

"It

you do

something."

Then

their voices

I lay

back and

among should

sank to whispers.

reflected

on how strange

the bestial residue of a defeated still

be scope for a drama

was

it

army

like this in

wing the

timid bastard son of a maid. What, I wondered, in the course of the next

when conditions were bound

to

there

which the

cynical seducer of a cafe waitress took under his

happen

that

would

weeks and months,

become

still

worse, to

^

54

?*

Fires

on

the Plain

this peculiar pair

who had

tionship of father

and son? By a strange combination of

circumstances, I was to

so quickly adopted the rela-

know

only too well their ex-

traordinary fate.

As ful

I tried to

day began

images

go to sleep, the happenings of the event-

to

flit

through

up and then faded

lit

my

One by one

the

out: the moist lips of

my

mind.

squad leader when he had slapped me, the narrow eyes of the quartermaster sergeant, the frightened look of

my

They were

like

companions here by the edge of the reflections

thrown on a screen, and

forest.

I

looked at them with-

out any particular feeling. This cool, detached attitude

toward

my own

one

my

in

experiences was no doubt ideal for some-

predicament.

Finally there appeared the image of the plain.

My

freely

behind

fires

on the

somnolent brain twisted the scene around

my

dark

eyelids, until

parched sky as a back-cloth and in

what

I

saw was a

front, the

smoke

of

the prairie fires across the river, rising in intermittent puffs like the steam

locomotive.

from the funnel of an old-fashioned

The smoke on

the hilltop rose to a certain

height, then curved at right angles to

form a large hook;

the curved end quivered uneasily like the needle of a

compass.

I

was not

afraid. I

knew

that this vision

was

&

The Roar of Guns the prelude to sleep, and, sure enough, I

most I

55

dozed

&

off al-

at once.

was awakened by a

From

noise. It

was dark

all

around.

the direction of the hospital I could hear a voice

shouting abuse and at the same time something that

sounded took

wet cloth being beaten against a

like a

me some

time to realize that

face being slapped.

The door

it

was the sound of a

of the office

open and candlelight poured into the black stumbled out of the room. forehead.

Clearly

the

He had

one-potato

wall. It

was thrown

night.

A man

a large welt on his soldier

had been

caught trying to steal food and had received his punishment. "We'll I

all

thought, and

& heavy

fell

asleep again.

& THE ROAR

7

When

be chased away from here tomorrow,"

awoke

I

firing. It

again,

was almost

west the air was

it

was

daylight.

full of noise

OF GUNS to the

By

sound of

the river in the

and smoke. The mighty

concatenation of explosions approached our forest and

W

56

|4

seemed

it

to fuse the

The

strip.

Fires

came

on

the Plain

whole surrounding sky into a narrow

roar of guns grew terrifyingly close, and with

a bellowing rumble as of distant thunder.

the hills that I

had crossed the day before

single reconnaissance plane flying

a bird of prey watching for

cles, like

round

could see a

in small cir-

victim.

The bom-

directly

below the

its

bardment seemed to be concentrated

I

Beyond

plane.

We

all

jumped

to our feet.

The doctors and

orderlies

hurried out of the hospital and peered beyond the

Suddenly there was a whistling sound of a

moment

later a

shell,

hills.

and a

huge cloud of smoke arose on the plain

where yesterday

I

had seen the

prairie

fire.

Someone

gave an order and the doctors and orderlies dashed into rifles

and

equipment. They came running toward us at

full

the hospital, to re-emerge at once with their field

speed.

The range hills in

of shellfire

was reaching

steadily over the

our direction. The medical personnel rushed past

us toward the valley, as

if

they could possibly outstrip

the rapidly expanding range of the shells.

A

few of our

group followed them. The one-potato soldier with the great welt

on

his face

took advantage of the confusion to

run back to the hospital; even the roar of the shellbursts could not deflect him from his determination to

steal

&

The Roar of Guns

The

food.

scatter

patients

began

to

t*

pour out of the wards and

about helplessly, each going his

The malarial

57

own way.

was lying face-down on the

soldier

grass without moving. I tapped

him on

the shoulder,

then realized that he was dead. I

I

walked alone into the

forest

reached the mountain range,

and make

front

When

to fetch water the night before.

had gone

hills

toward the spring where

my way

from which the

I

I

decided to climb the foot-

along them, parallel to the broad

shellfire

was coming.

After scrambling about sixty yards up the zigzag path, I

reached a turning from where

of the

whole

tients

who had

valley. I fled

I

had an unbroken view

stopped and looked down. The pa-

from the hospital had by now ex-

hausted their strength and were lying motionless, scattered like

little

The roar

beans between the ridges of the cornfields.

of guns continued, but so far the shells

not quite reached the hospital compound.

where the main clearly not

ments. No, the

firing

I

wondered

could be coming from. This was

one of the usual trench-mortar bombardit

was probably a softening-up from one of

American warships

offshore, preceding a concerted

landing operation on the west coast. After

all,

we were

separated from the sea by less than three miles of

open

plains.

had

flat,

^58

Smoke began It

to rise

whirled around in

the eaves,

and

little

finally

Had

the Plain

from one of the hospital buildings. eddies, curling

formed a

column. Through the windows glare.

on

Fires

t*

up from under

single thick, convoluted

could

I

make

out a red

the orderlies fired the buildings, according to

normal army practice before abandoning a position? Or

had the predatory one-potato

soldier

dropped a match or

upset an oil lamp by mistake? I

who had been

noticed that the main group of soldiers,

running to the

had now slowed down

left,

were heading for the protection of a itself in

the valley.

From

a thin line of smoke; breeze, then gradually

the bald

it

that stood

hill

summit of

wavered

walk and

to a

this hill rose

in the early

grew stronger.

It

by

morning

was a smoke

sig-

nal.

The roar

of guns stopped.

The

come

a thick bundle of flames.

blaze

came a swishing sound

The column of the hill

of

hospital

From

within the furious

like that of

smoke rose compactly

on which

I

had now be-

to

running water.

about the

level

was standing and then opened up

like a fan.

My help

duty was clear:

my wounded

bombardment. But

I

should return to the valley and

comrades who had

my

impulse at

removed from such heroism. To

this

my

fallen

under the

moment was

amazement,

far

I real-

^

The Roar of Guns ized that

all I

wanted

to

do was

companions running about they tried to

fly

to laugh.

The

^

59

sight of

my

helter-skelter like insects as

me

the fury of unseen enemies struck

What

then as unspeakably funny.

earthly concern could

they be of mine? I

burst into laughter and,

turned

my

had

I

I

been climbing

entire central

ahead of

me

soldiers

and continued

might have cut a rather more gal-

other purpose than to save

The

laughing uncontrollably,

back on the wounded

up the mountain path. lant figure

still

mountain for some

this

my own

skin.

mountain range now spread out

under the glowing morning sky

mountain range that

at this very

moment was

—

the

being

looked at from thousands of different angles by the thousands of soldiers on Leyte Island as they faced their im-

minent deaths. the

humps

From where

I stood, its silhouette

was

like

of a camel's back.

A strange force drove me on. I knew full well that only calamity and extinction awaited journey; yet a

murky

of

moment when

some unknown

at the

curiosity impelled

my own

plumbing the depths of until the

me

I

was

me

loneliness

end of

my

to continue

and despair

to find death in the corner

tropical field.

yt

60

^1

Fires on the Plain

& Day lessly

& THE RIVER

8

wandered aim-

after day, night after night, I

through the

hills.

The muffled

roar of guns rever-

berated constantly in the surrounding mountains and fields,

and enemy planes shot past overhead; but

no one.

I

gathered that

I

must be

saw

in the very middle of

formed by the three

the triangle

I

strategic

points

of

Burauen, Albuera, and Ormoc; and here, as in the center of a cyclone,

One day

I

it

awoke

was strangely calm.

at

dawn

to the thunder of

the northwest and, looking across the

hills,

guns in

saw blue and

red flares crisscrossing each other in mid-air like works. That night

I

watched

brilliant lights describing

town of Ormoc, where

the outline of the

fire-

my company

had previously been based. Evidently the Americans

had now landed on the west position

My not

on Leyte

coast, our only remaining

Island.

food had given out some time before, but

tell

whether

reality of

my

I

had

actually

begun

awake and resonant.

my

could

The

to starve.

impending death superseded

body was numb; only the back of

I

all else.

head seemed

My

to

be

&

The River

was

I

and

utterly free

—

free to live these days as I wanted,

my hand

free also, thanks to

exact

moment

of

my

^

61

As

death.

grenade, to choose the

I

trudged from one de-

serted hilltop to another, with the great mountains stretch-

ing monotonously to

my

left,

one on the other

piled

continuous series under the burning tropical sun, I that these

ing

were simply hours of grace that

I

in

a

knew

was bestow-

on myself.

One sharply

afternoon,

the

downward and

I

trees.

The

ravine

way between

its

itself

hills; it

low

I

cliff,

curved

hill

the roots of

sloped down, forming a sort

of funnel with the bordering the top of a

of the

descended into a lonely ravine

where a dry gully twisted bare

bow

grass

and below

came

to

an end

at

could see water gush-

ing out. I realized that I

side of the

cliff.

was

thirsty

and clambered down the

The water spurted out

of a hole in the

rock to form a clear, round pool about six feet across. I lay

down by

the edge

and drank the cool water

to

my

heart's content.

The water flowed out

of the pool into a narrow rivulet,

then into another pool, and beyond that into a wider stream.

A

path followed the water downstream and

walked along

more

insistent

it.

The

rippling

murmur

gradually

and the path crossed the stream.

I

became

^

62

|0

Fw^J on

The ever-widening flow into a dark forest.

As

I

f/ie

PZa/n

of water left the path

and

slid

followed the path around the edge

of the forest, I could hear the sound of a waterfall growing louder and louder through the trees.

receded. Suddenly the stream splashed forest

and once more began

Ahead glittered

of

me was

way

out of the

its

run beside the path.

The sun

through their straight trunks onto the wall of a another sloping val-

this lay yet

The stream had now turned

after

the sound

a dense grove of bamboos.

rock formation. Beyond ley.

to

Then

into

wide rapids, which,

pouring through the bamboo grove, foamed down

the valley over the pebbles.

The sun gleamed on

the river's surface,

and clouds

scudded across the dazzling sky to disappear over the

mountain peaks.

On

the sloping banks of the river

bam-

boos grew luxuriantly, their green leaves wafted by the breeze. Driftwood,

which remained from the floods of

the rainy season, lay drying

the river's edge.

on the sand and pebbles of

Now and then

the water

would

strike the

banks capriciously, or form deep pools, or spread out into frothy rapids. In the evenings

by the shadows of the

pools I could hear the river deer cry as they to drink,

and

at

dawn

came down

the turtledoves cooed high on the

river bank.

One evening the path climbed

the

bank and

led

me

into

&

The River

&

63

a grove where great creepers stretched out in tangled

As

mazes.

mound

down

I lay

to sleep I noticed that the earth

had chosen

that I

my

for

pillow was gleaming

scooped up some of the earth and

wanly.

I

hands

like a firefly. It

it

shone in

must have been the phosphores-

cence remaining from the carcass of some animal

had died

my

who

in this place.

The next day

I rejoined

my

river

and came to a place

where, under the shadow of a great hanging

tree, the

water swirled around in torrents between huge boulders. I

took

steps

off

my

boots and stepped into the foam.

were emaciated and hurt as

chicken's;

it

looked at

my

I

my

feet

My

in-

looked shriveled like a

immersed them

in the water. I

hands. Here, too, the skin was stretched

tightly over the bones; the flesh

gers looked almost twice their

had receded and

my

fin-

normal length.

Death was no longer an abstract notion, but a physical image.

Already

I

could see

my

dead body lying here

on the riverbank, with the stomach blown out by grenade. Soon

it

would decay and be resolved

various elements. I

two

knew

that

my

flesh

thirds of water: before long that

—

to flow

yes,

it

my hand

would merge with

this

into

its

was composed

water would begin very river and flow

downstream. I

gazed into the river before me. The water hurried

64

^1

F/r^5-

f*

on the Plain

along with a secret whispering sound that reminded of

my

childhood. It crossed over stones,

made

little

tours, then vanished into the distance. Constantly

me de-

more

water appeared from behind; there was no end to

its

flow. I sighed.

moment river

be

My

consciousness would certainly cease the

and remain part of

my

my

that I died; but

flesh

this great universe.

that the water

V*

so sure of this survival was the fact

was moving.

9

& THE MOONLIGHT

More days and more saw no one. When

I

had

it

and

nights passed

my company

left

been only three days old; now

the

was almost

still

I

moon had

full.

At

night-

would suddenly peep from across the summit of

the mountain range; then

row

Such would

survival.

What made me

fall it

would blend with the

it

would

glide across the nar-

stretch of sky to hide behind the

For a long time

after

it

mountains opposite.

had disappeared,

its

light

would

^

The Moonlight linger over the valley.

moon seemed

of the

One evening off,

and

I

to

mock me

the hills

on the

palm I

my

transience.

of the valley broke

left

mountain stream.

rapids and together they

formed by

made

their confluence

It

in the

joined

a wide river. In

grew a clump of

trees.

stood under the trees and looked up through the

foliage to

where the coconuts nestled

Here

like clusters of babies' heads.

abundance! But too

in

could see another valley stretching out

the triangle

^

The unchanging, cosmic motion

distance. Here, too, flowed a

my own

65

weak

The

I realized at

in their roundness,

at last

once that

I

was food

was by now

in far

to climb the tall trunks.

hard, fan-shaped leaves clattered in the wind. I

lay

down on

and

listened.

the grass under the trees, closed

Now I knew that

I

was

my

eyes,

starving. I picked a

The

handful of grass and chewed the roots,

inside of

my

mouth was numb.

At

night the sky shone indigo-blue between the leaves

round moon

of the

palm

made

the ends of the leaves glitter like swords.

Was

trees,

this, I

and high above, the

wondered, to be the end?

suffer the agonies of starvation, at the

masses of

culent flesh?

cool,

Was

fruit

even as

Was

I lay

I

now

to

looking up

with their fragrant juice and suc-

I to linger here,

clinging ignominiously

^

66

^1

Fires on the Plain

No, to

I

must leave

my

drew

to this tree trunk, until I

last

place while I

this

croaking breath?

still

had the power

my actions. The moon-drenched sky had filled me with a new yearning. Perhaps it

sud-

choose

denly

merely a

final access of the instinct to survive.

was a familiar in the

which

feeling,

my

halcyon days of

I

past.

not gazed up at such a sky with I

my memory

searched

they eluded me.

me

surrounded

Then

I

who had shadowy

tree,

like tresses,

How many this

times had

same yearning?

palm

women whom

The young palm

me

like a

trees

with

its

proudly radiated

its

was the high-mettled

had known

I

tree with

my

love.

Now

all

these

light to witness

And

leaves in

the tree next to all

woman who,

I recalled

in the

That

directions

it,

which

—

yes, that

though we had both this love,

end had broken away from me.

women had

my

girl

suffered be-

loved each other, had refused ever to confess

and

its

heavy, dropping leaves that looked

was the older woman who had

herself,

which

dancer was the

without yielding to

cause of her love for me.

even to

I

were being transfigured. Gradually they

which stood there

left

it

had often experienced

realized that the

in the past.

lifted leaves

Yet

for these past occasions, but

were turning into the various

and loved

was

gathered here in the moon-

final hours.

afresh the various

moments

in

which

I

had

The Crowing shared

with

pleasure

thighs of one

of another.

.

Cock

of the

them.

woman had .

Yet

.

in

67

V*

that

the

V*

remembered

I

been no thicker than the arms

my

present moribund state I

could not bring to mind the actual taste of pleasure, but only the craving that preceded

The yearning

me was

in

it.

which the moonlit sky had engulfed

had

like the craving that I

whose body and ceived that

it

spirit

was

just

were unattainable.

still

cause

I

some woman

And

I

now

per-

because the sky was likewise un-

attainable that I so yearned for

was

felt for

it.

It

was not because

alive that I clung to the notion of

life,

I

but be-

was already dead.

This paradoxical conclusion had one comforting aspect:

if

I

no longer belonged

did not have to undertake to

Then

satisfaction.

trees.

kill

myself. I smiled with

I fell asleep.

^

10

Two

days and nights

Then

to the world, I at least

?£

I left. It

THE CROWING OF THE COCK I

required an

lay under those

immense

palm

effort to stand

68

t£

Fires on the Plain

t*

up, but once I

forward of their

My

my

was on

own

feet

my

seemed

to

grandstand

accord.

wood

As

I

that overlooked the river like a

peered into the thick foliage where those

I

round pendants might be lurking.

It

was

The

useless.

luxuriant, tropical green reflected nothing but the

glare of the sunshine. I smiled to myself as I

how

bered

remem-

used to picture the blessings of nature in

I

these lands of permanent I

move

eyes kept scanning the trees for coconuts.

trudged through a

mad,

legs

summer.

returned to the path by the river and followed

ther downstream.

brown

The water sparkled now over

By the

rocks.

it

far-

great

shore a black oily liquid oozed out of

the ground, trickled along reflecting variegated patterns

of red and blue and green and yellow, then sank into the

sand.

The

river

grew

still

wider and a grass plain stretched

out on both banks. Clusters of sparkling reeds grew like little

groups of people. They had taken root in even the

minutest

mounds

delicate cilia,

of dry ground by the river bed. Their

blown

off

by the wind, hovered playfully

about the ears of the plants before being wafted away into the distance.

A hill its

stood by

narrow

itself

next to the

river. All the

slopes, rushes crawled like a horse's

way up mane.

— The Crowing

Somehow an's

of the

the contour of the

mons

hill

reminded

me

69

of a

^

wom-

Veneris.

walking along a path that climbed straight up

I started

following the line of the rushes. six inches

&

Cock

The path was dug about

deep into the red clay of the

hill,

revealing the

On

one bank of

dense roots of the grass on both sides.

the path I noticed a series of regular indentations, ob-

viously

made by a

implement

traces of a

human

astounded and

fright-

The sudden

shovel.

in this deserted valley

ened me. Just then I heard a cock crow. Its wild cry echoed

from the top of the air.

The marks

hill,

rending the peaceful afternoon

of a shovel and the crowing of a cock

together they could only point to the presence of Filipinos, to that presence

which always lurked in these

lands, waiting to chastise us invaders.

Yet

I

is-

continued

climbing.

At

the top of the hill the

row

of rushes

came

to

an

end, and a saddle-shaped field stretched as far as a thicket of

tall,

more heard

The path

dark

trees.

From among

the harsh cry of the cock.

cut

its

way through

thicket. Here, in the green

two

logs,

When

I

the trees I once

the field

shadow

and reached the

of the leaves, stood

one on each side of the path,

like gateposts.

passed them, the path divided into two forks,

^

70

^I

Fires

as in a formal garden. Be-

which curved symmetrically, teen

them was a

on the Plain

and beyond

plot of grass

sun

this the

shone through. It

was

saw a cabin. This thought

peered through the trees and

utterly quiet. I

—and

where the chickens must be,

is

the people.

my

Then, firmly grasping thicket, as

For a moment

hesitated.

I

stumbled through the

I

rifle,

I

being pushed from behind, and emerged

if

into the open.

An itself

unexpected scene awaited me. The cabin stood by

with

slope, for

huge

its

back

to the

more than a

tree trunks,

edge of a steep slope.

mile, the

Down

the

ground was covered with

which lay about

in all directions.

At

the bottom of the slope I could see a small hollow; opposite this,

another slope, likewise covered with tree

trunks, crawled

upward

There was no one

until

it

disappeared into a wood.

in sight.

Several chickens were

perched on a tree whose slender,

elliptical,

reedlike

leaves fluttered just above the roof of the cabin.

were the scrawny black chickens indigenous Philippines.

when

I

Evidently they were

still

They the

to

quite tame, for

approached they clucked back and forth

to

each

other for a few moments, then turned their profiles to

and stood there

me

quietly.

Suddenly they appeared to

me

like birds of paradise.

The Crowing

of the

&

Cock

?*

71

Perched there neatly, each on one of the branches that out alternately in opposite directions,

stretched

they

did not seem to be creatures of this world.

My

next thought, however, was less poetic:

to catch

one of them.

unlike our ers. I

I

was well aware

plump Japanese

I

decided

that these birds,

chickens, were very good

fly-

sneaked up carefully, hoping to take them unawares,

but before

I

could stretch out

my hand

they had

all

flown off and alighted on a distant patch of earth. I lay

fired.

down, leveled

The chickens

and landed

far

my

took careful aim, and

rifle,

flew off at a steep angle like gliders,

down

Then

the slope.

they ran farther

away, cackling raucously to each other.

Another gloomy prospect opened before me. Just earlier

my

physical weakness

had condemned me

palm

unavailingly under the fruit of the

trees,

as

to lie

now, be-

cause of being a bad shot, I was to starve here in the presence of I

all

these chickens.

watched them

as they strutted

down

longer paying the slightest attention to me.

the slope,

Now

no

and then

they stopped unconcernedly to peck at something on the

ground.

Suddenly

it

occurred to

might be the clue to

me

my reprieve.

that this very pecking I

dodging between the roots of the

rushed trees

down and

the slope,

their felled

72

^t

trunks.

But

|0

F/re^

Pfam

//ze

did not even have to go as far as the chick-

I

what

ens, for

oaz

I

now found growing everywhere between

the tree roots were the long stems of Philippine "potato

and the

trees"

large tubers out, quickly

flaky potato

lowed.

I

had

grew underground. wiped

off the dirt,

I

and

crumbled between

pulled one of them bit into

my

teeth

it.

The

and

I

to eat several before I could taste

slightest sweetness.

of them

down

The

trailing leaves of "vine potatoes."

Only then was

I able to

to the spring in the

dry,

swal-

even the

take

some

hollow to wash the

dirt off properly.

down and

I lay

drank.

The water gushed out between

the rocks to form a rivulet that

membrane

was covered by a

of volcanic ash. I noticed that twigs

thin

had been

up along the banks. At the bottom of the water

piled

were leaves and stems that

I

recognized as taro.

Clearly I had stumbled on a well-cultivated Philippine plantation.

That

I

should have done so in

this

area where

our scattered troops had so long been foraging for food

was

Crusoe,

my

short of miraculous.

little

I

should at

this

Had

I

been Robinson

moment have thrown

myself on

knees and offered up thanks to God. Even from an

Oriental infidel like myself, the occasion seemed to de-

mand

thanksgiving. But I did not

might give

my thanks.

know

to

whom

I

&

Interlude in Paradise

Next,

I

73

Vt

found enormous Philippine beans growing to

the height of bushes. Their brown, hatchet-shaped pods

had burst open and inside nestled

tiny black grains; these

no doubt were what the chickens had been nibbling on the ground. Other plants contained red grains that looked like

Indian strawberries and tasted like tomatoes.

When It

I

had eaten

my

fill,

I

walked up

to the cabin.

was supported by the usual bamboo props, and

its

roof was thatched with reeds. There was a heavy smell of dust.

The

dirt floor

had been raised

provide for a crude oven; next to pieces of earthenware.

it

in

one corner to

were stacked a few

The cabin boasted

of

no

furniture

except one flower-embroidered cushion lying on floor. I

made

and instantly

^

this

incongruous cushion into

my

the

pillow

fell asleep.

11

& INTERLUDE

IN

PARADISE I spent the

The echo radic,

of firing

and

next days eating to

my

from the surrounding

in the south the shooting

heart's content.

hills

became spo-

seemed

to

have

^

74

^1

Fires

on

the Plain

stopped entirely; no doubt our forces in that area had

been wiped

out. I

imagined the

leys filled with the corpses of

me

forests

Japanese

down

in the val-

soldiers. It

gave

an uncanny feeling to visualize these scenes of carnage

while

my

here in

I lived

some strange way

paradise. I

may

I

am

not sure that in

not actually have been hoping

my comrades, knowing that beyond of satiety my own death awaited me.

for the death of

interlude

However,

some

time.

it

looked as

There were

the interlude

if still

would

many more

my new wealth.

washed them

I

sult,

was careful not

my

could

make

squander any

my bayonet, skin.

The

had no

fire

and peeled the

paradise was that

I

to eat everything raw. I tried to

by chewing

my

However, despite

all

make up

food very carefully and, as a

a considerable part of

suffer

to

cut the roots neatly with

only shortcoming of

for this

I

in the stream,

and was obliged

I

stems, covered with large leaves in the

shape of basket hats. of

last for

over twenty "potato trees"

below the cabin, and on the opposite slope out

this

my

my

re-

day was spent on meals.

precautions, I soon began to

from diarrhea.

The chickens were always gathering

in a clucking

mass

outside the cabin, and at night they slept by the eaves.

Often they walked right up to me. They had become

my

only friends and seemed to have forgotten completely

my

&

Interlude in Paradise

rude behavior on our

them

closely,

Yet

I

and

all

my life,

I

my new

in

belonged to me, or here

meeting.

used to observe

I

discovered that they never blinked.

I

was bored

first

&

75

if I

paradise. If this land

had had the

had

intention of living

should have mustered

my scanty

knowl-

edge of agriculture and contrived to renew the crops.

But

I

was keenly aware of

my

and could

transient status

not bring myself to plan for the future.

At any moment, return.

I realized,

To guard

against

the Filipino

spot in the forest

domain without

My

whence

I

my

temporary

fear of discovery.

only callers were American planes. Sometimes

One morning

the sky above

filling

paradise with their clear roar;

more

could clearly see the

scarf and, as

often they

a plane suddenly

the trees with an ear-rending screech. It I

I

the cabin to a

could survey

they flew past in formation,

singly.

unawares,

being taken

moved my daytime headquarters from

owner might

pilot.

He was

feeling of

human sympathy

American

pilot,

the

time since

I

had

left

first

ahead

skimmed over

was so

the hospital.

I

close that

sat motionless in

A

like a doll.

stirred within

person

came

wearing a plain red

he passed above me, he

his cockpit, looking straight

my

me

had seen

He

certain for this

in all the

was, to be sure, an

enemy and a symbol of danger. But here

in

my new

^

76

paradise

?£

on

F/re.y

found something unconvincing

I

the Plain

in the idea of

having enemies.

Among

and explosions

the many-pitched gunbursts

that reverberated over the hills I could

make out

the chugging of motors.

come from an boats. This

now and

then

did not seem to

It

airplane, but sounded, rather, like motor-

was

my first inkling

that I might

be right next

to the sea. I tried to

take

my

bearings. In

my

aimless wandering

through the valleys after the hospital was bombarded,

must have walked about eight miles; accordingly,

some twelve miles away from

the spot

was

I

my com-

where

pany had been camped. From the direction of the sun

knew

had been heading due north, and

that I

unit's position

the

Ormoc

was twenty-five miles

base

I

since

me

was facing northeast; the opposite slope

So unenterprising had

I

is,

toward the

become

in

had never once bothered

and examine the

up

my

must have been about halfway be-

therefore faced southwest, that

satiety that I

I

directly south of

tween these points. The position of the polar star told that the cabin

I

terrain beyond. I

new-found

to climb the slope

now

for this lack of curiosity. I rushed

my

sea.

hurried to

down

past

make

my

"po-

tato trees," crossed the slippery moss-covered logs that

formed a natural bridge high over the hollow, and

&

Interlude in Paradise

scrambled up the opposite slope. Already sea breeze

A

my

on

moment

rivulet twisted

way out

its

way

feel a

it

The

before me.

of the hollow and debouched

headed for the

The woods broke

sea.

and a mountain stream cut

off at the foot of the hills its

could

\M

cheek.

later the sea itself lay

into the valley as

I

77

diagonally across the plain before disappear-

ing into another

clump of

Beyond

trees.

a bay of calm water, bordered

on both

these trees

sides

was

by imposing

promontories.

The sound there were

of the motorboat

no boats

came from

there; yet

in sight; the regular put-put-put of

engines, echoing against the rocky promontories, reached

across the plain and over the

having seen

this

bay before.

point from where

hills. I

No

could not remember

doubt

we had headed

was south of the

it

inland after our disas-

trous west-coast landing.

As not

was hidden by the

the coast itself

tell

whether

it

was inhabited, but

having seen no houses. started

back

for

my

took a

I felt

last

had seen

could

reassured at

look round and

cabin, wondering vaguely

object might be that I of the trees.

I

forest, I

glittering

what the

above the green

^

^

78

Fires on the Plain

&

& THE SYMBOL

12

Thereafter

walk across the

it

logs,

became part

of

my

climb the slope, and

daily routine to sit

there gazing

out to sea. The Visayan Sea was ringed in by close-lying islands

make

and was always calm. In the evenings out,

behind the triangular

islets

where

my company had

could

that dotted the

water, the vast silhouette of the mountains land,

I

on Cebu

Is-

formerly been stationed.

Crimson clouds radiated from above the peaks and reached up to the zenith of the sky. As sea

I sat

watching, the

would gradually grow dark and Cebu become hazy

in the distance.

Then

I

would trudge resignedly back

to

the cabin.

In the mornings, the striped pattern of the waves stretched out alluringly across the waters. But I

reconcile myself to

The

my

landlocked existence in the

to

hills.

object that projected above the forest near the

shore was most conspicuous in the evening, glittered in the setting sun. first

had

took

it

to

From

its

when

shape and color,

it

I at

be a withered branch; yet somehow

it

lacked the natural quality that makes us judge something to

be part of a

tree.

&

The Symbol

One day

I strolled

some

fifty

yards to the right of

usual position in order to view the object from a angle. Observing

it

closely, I

&

19

made out two prongs

my

new stick-

ing out at a certain distance from the top. Suddenly I

recognized the shape. I

shuddered with

now made me

It

was a

fear.

cross.

Prolonged loneliness had by

new, and

easily frightened of anything

the sudden appearance of this religious

symbol gave

me

an almost physical shock.

The

cross

no doubt decorated the top of a church,

which was always the highest building in any Philippine village.

On

the other side of this forest, then, there

be a seaside

village.

Below the church

houses, and in these houses, people.

As

there

must

must be

there were

no

American

ships in the bay, these people could only be

Filipinos.

And however

pious these Filipinos might be

in their dealings with each other as they dwelt there in

the

shadow of the

be one of I felt

cross, their attitude to

me

could only

fierce enmity.

not the slightest hatred for them; yet

I

knew only

too well that since the country to which I belonged hap-

pened

to

be fighting the country to which they belonged,

there could never be any

human

relationship between us

involving the symbol that glittered above the trees. In-

deed, because that cross was in the hands of

my

coun-

^

^

80

Fires

the Plain

was for

me

a symbol not of love, but of

could not take

my

eyes from the cross.

enemies,

try's

on

it

danger.

Yet

I

gle black plane

and

sink,

moved

slowly above

merged

finally its light

it.

sin-

The sun began

to

into a hazy blue that

covered the whole sky. Only then did I

A

I leave

my

hilltop.

my

spent that night thinking about the cross. In

present state of physical satiety and mental emptiness, in

which

ward

off

I

passed almost

this

my

time eating in order to

an ineluctably approaching death,

cepted with eagerness

The

all

cross

was

to

this

me

powerful

human

a familiar thing. In

my

heart ac-

image.

my

childhood

symbol of a foreign religion had penetrated even the

smallest Japanese hamlet.

of curiosity; then

I

mantic creed that

it

At

had approached

it

out

had become fascinated with the

ro-

first I

represented. But, later, an agnostic

education had separated

me from what

regard as childish delusions, and

I

I

then

had begun

came

to

to evolve

a "system" that combined conformity to social demands

and conventions, on the one hand, with a type of personal hedonism, on the other. This system was far from I well realized, yet it

day-to-day

Now, evitably

had served

me

ideal,

well enough in

my

life.

in the loneliness of defeat,

begun

to

break down.

My

my

"system" had

in-

renewed fascination

81

&

with the symbol of the cross was ample evidence of

this.

&

The Symbol

For the

time in years, I found myself wondering

first

my

whether the ideas of

and

illusions,

youth had,

in fact,

been mere

my acceptance of an irexistence. No doubt my general

to analyze

I tried

rational belief in God's

ignorance and inexperience had been largely responsible; but

I

now remembered

factor closely related to

that there also

my

had been another

personal development.

I

had

sought a transcendent being, called God, because of the

awakening within ity; I

had

me

of the irrepressible urge of sexual-

instinctively felt this urge to

realized that

it

be

evil,

yet

had

could only be curbed by some powerful

outer force.

"Love cally I

ment,

is

may

I

pleasure taken in complicity."

Though

logi-

never have accepted the poet's pronounce-

could well remember the sense of awe that these

words had aroused in me.

I

could not help feeling that

sexual love was bad, precisely because able. Later, of course, I

had rejected

mere adolescent aberrations, and

I

it

was so agree-

all

these ideas as

had never again

suf-

fered the slightest compunction about sexual indulgence.

Now,

for the

first

curred, and with

time in years,

my

earlier doubts re-

them a determination

things out to a conclusion. If

my

finally to think

adolescent feelings

about the sinfulness of sexual pleasure had contained

^

&

82

even the

a web of errors.

qualms or in

my

guiding principle?

but

had been nothing but

truth

—

in

my

It

could surely not

lie

between the two.

gazing at the dark ceiling of the hut, thinking;

on memories of

seemed unbelievably

sung their psalms I

my

I let

my mind

youthful days, days that

tranquil,

when

I

now

had believed

in

God, read the words of those sent by him,

this foreign

When

adolescent

adult acceptance of hedonism as the

could come to no conclusion. Instead,

I

rest

Where was

my

then the rest of

slightest particle of truth,

rationalistic, pleasure-seeking life

I lay

on the Plain

Fires

—and loved

awoke

girls

the following

without desire.

morning and saw the

chickens perched on the tree near the cabin roof, busily clucking to each other, I realized that at

them

first

in

an

I

was now looking

utterly different spirit than

when

I

had

arrived.

As

usual, I

went down the slope and pulled up a

"potato tree." Suddenly this action seemed completely pointless. I left the root

on the ground and hurried up

the

opposite slope. This morning the cross looked like a bird

perched on the treetops. The short crossbar was spread out like a pair of wings and for a it

were going It

to

plunge into

moment

it

looked as

flight.

was then that the notion of going down

closer view of the cross

if

first flitted

through

my

to

have a

mind. Im-

&

The Dream mediately

doubted

I realized

my own

what

sanity.

would imply, and

this

To go down

to that

risking

As

I

my

my

forest,

my

almost

my

spirit

life

might be!

torn between yearn-

ing and irresolution, the cross seemed to gleam brightly. I told myself, in

that probably

it

ene-

youth was not worth

limited though that

life for,

gazed at the

from

I

£*

church meant

walking straight toward death at the hands of mies. Surely that symbol

83

more

an access of clear-mindedness,

was not a cross

at

all.

But even

looked, the unmistakable geometrical form

as I

became more

and more prominent.

|0

13-' 10

That night

down

I

into the village

THE DREAM

had a dream. by the

I

had already walked

seaside. In the

market place

a row of shadowy shops displayed their multi-colored cakes and

fruit. It

seemed

to

be a feast-day, for Filipino

men and women were ambling

along in their finery, talk-

ing and laughing gaily to each other. Dangerous as

my

presence was for them, they did not seem to pay the

84

t*

&

Fires

slightest attention to

not carrying

my

me.

It

must have been because

came on

to

I

was

a group of dancers per-

forming on an improvised stage. The

seemed

the Plain

rifle.

In an open square I

all

on

men and women

have an admixture of European blood.

Their well-formed limbs twisted together as they danced,

and frequently they would stop poses. It struck

in various

me as strange that there was no

watching them. Then

I

saw

that the

like those I

had seen on Cebu,

one but

market place,

was empty. Everyone must have gone

The church was a rectangular

lascivious

now had

building, constructed,

in the style of a basilica.

a somewhat swollen appearance.

with dismay that

I

citement on seeing I

cross, but I realized

did not feel any of the expected exit

close at hand.

pushed the half -open door and walked

church was packed with people,

A voiceless hum From

all

The

kneeling in prayer.

the vestments of the Western priest I

knew

that this

draped

The name

in

of the deceased

biting sorrow seized

my

It

heart.

in black.

Roman

script.

was

my own

name.

So

was dead

was inscribed

walked up the nave and read.

who was

was a funeral

service. In front of the altar lay a coffin

A

in.

hovered over their bowed heads.

saying mass at the altar,

I

too,

to church.

High above the rough fagade was the familiar it

me

I

after

&

The Dream all.

The

who

"I"

down

stood here looking

was no more than a

spirit.

^

85

at the coffin

That was why no one had

noticed me. I

opened the

dead

lid

of the coffin and gazed into

was a thinner face than that

face. It

to

my own

which

was

I

accustomed from the mirror and from photographs, and the cheeks were sunken. It looked like the faces of cer-

had seen

tain martyrs I

My

in

Western paintings.

hands were joined together over

Clearly

my

dead body had been discovered

attitude of prayer. It

was for

enemies were giving

me

this

my

breast.

in this pious

my

reason that even

a sacred funeral; this

is

why

they were honoring me, a defeated Japanese soldier, as a saint.

Suddenly I

I felt

uneasy.

should be honored in

What

this

virtue did I possess that

manner? Was

I not, in fact,

an impostor?

And, more,

I

red, as

to

be

when

sure,

I

scrutinized

realized that this "corpse" if

bedaubed with rouge, and

were quivering.

I

was waking up

only reason that I did not open feigning death.

mine which lips.

was

I

Now

knew

my

alive.

my

face once

My lips were

closed eyelids

in the coffin,

my

and the

eyes was that I

was

even that cool, sarcastic smile of

so well had begun to play about

my

^

86

^1

Then

Fires

those lips spoke.

on

the Plain

"De profundis," came my

voice.

"De profundis clamavi" This was proof that I was

was indeed no to

saint.

still

in the depths, that I

Already the congregation seemed

have understood the imposture and

creeping up on

me from

swelled into a roar.

—

their

clamorous shriek

drowning even the howls of the

air,

a terrible pressure on I

of their voices

the church bells began to

clang, clang, clang, clang

the

could sense them

The hum

behind.

Then

I

woke

my

chest.

.

.

toll:

filled

faithful. I felt

.

up. There was a buzzing sound in

my

ears,

evidently the whir of an airplane crossing the night sky

above me.

I

looked up at the red and green signal

on the wings the

as they

moved

directly over the cabin

waning moon that hung

lights

toward

For a moment

in their path.

the lights almost blotted out the shining reddish disk that

encircled the

and dark

moon; then they receded,

in the

hear the distant

Now

moon-bathed

hum

by myself

that church, even religious

Perhaps

if it

sky. Finally I could only

was

foolish of

until I died. I

me

killed,

me

at the

visited

to linger here

must go down

meant being

doubt that had this

become small

of the motors.

I understood. It

in the depths

to

into

and resolve end of

my

the

life.

nightmare would prove to have been a reve-

lation; perhaps, after

all, I

had a

religious mission. If so,

&

The Downhill Path I

would throw myself on

my

^

87

knees in that cool church

and pray. Judging from the length of time between sunset and

my

should

falling asleep, there

to reach the village before

still

be ample time for

dawn

if

I

me

at once.

left

I

brushed aside a momentary sense of irresolution and stood up.

As

my

so often in

two courses of action

I

life,

after vacillating

between

ended by adopting the more posi-

tive one. I

put some potatoes in the haversack and walked out

of the cabin.

but

I

level

steel

helmet and gas mask

decided to take along

^

14

My

aerie

and some

that ran ently I trees,

My

^t

my

from the hill

coast. I

feet

above sea

took the

toward the

trail

cross. Pres-

wood. The moon broke through the

dappling with

formed a

rifle.

was about one thousand

five miles

in a

behind,

THE DOWNHILL PATH

from the top of the

was

I left

its

sharp gleam the roots, which

series of natural steps.

Now

and then

I

could

^

88

on

Fires

f£

the Plain

hear the feeble warbling of turtledoves, evidently tricked into believing that

by the moonlight I left the

moonlit

field.

dawn was

hand.

at

wood and continued downward through a The

path, swollen with the black

shadow

the grass, passed under the darkness of a grove,

dered along the sinuous edge of a

marsh, and circled a clump of

trees.

cliff,

As

I

of

mean-

crossed over a

kept going

down

a feeling akin to joy rose within me. After about a mile,

wood where

a level

I

crossed a grass plain and entered

the path

became wider. From within

the moon-speckled trees I could hear the gurgling of

—

water

a gentle, intimate sound like that of someone

whispering behind a door.

Ahead

of

more and more

me

I

could see a re-

brightly through the

flection

shining

leaves. I

clambered down a red-clay slope and found my-

on the banks of a wide

self

river

mered over moss-covered rocks

The

trees opposite

I sat

down on

was relieved weeks

—

fear

a

grew

right

where the water glimas large as millstones.

up

to the water's edge.

a trunk and drank from

my

canteen.

have reached

flat

country after

in the mountains, but

my

relief

to

the fear that a wild

human

dog must

my

I

long

was tinged with

feel as

he approaches

habitation.

After wading through the river across the slippery stones, I

plunged on through the wood. The

trees with

&

The Downhill Path their

now

big enough for two people to walk abreast.

was a long time since

was frightened by the Yet

I

had seen so wide a path and

civilized impression that

Now

forced myself onward.

I

more and more on

speckles

my

?#

gleaming branches formed an imposing avenue. The

path was It

89

distinct; I

their bark.

Was

gave.

it

the trees

became

make

out the

could clearly it

I

had so sharpened

fear that

vision that I could distinguish these details deep in

the night? I

emerged

into another

wide

become a huge,

red, twisted

distant forest. Its

weak glow was

the milky opalescence that fields.

The moon had

orange hanging over the

now

understood the reason:

I

plain.

strangely different filled it

from

the surrounding

was already dawn.

That was why the turtledoves had been warbling; that

was why

I

had been able

to see the

bark so clearly

in the

forest.

Nervously

I

looked about, aware that something must

have gone wrong with I

had concluded

two hours,

come

to

original

my

calculations. Before leaving,

that I should reach the village in about

in other words, well before

my

woods, and, to be sure,

than an hour. Yet here

have made

mark

estimated halfway

my

mistake

it

it

I

at the

I

full

had now

edge of the

had not taken

was already

when

dawn.

me more

dawn.

I

must

awoke from my dream

yk

&

90

on

Fires

and assumed from

the Plain

was

the moonlight that

it

by the edge of the

forest the thick

still

the

middle of the night.

Even

as I stood

mist that had shrouded the fields was beginning to break

up

One

into insular patches.

showed the location of the

the right of the plain

which had

the forest ahead the trees,

now

that I

were being I

raised.

be seen, yet

I

could sense

I

area.

Here

as

if

would be exposed

in the

a curtain

to all eyes,

cursed myself for having embarked on such a haz-

nor would the forest

my

till

I

could not turn back at

present state of

nightfall. I

tops for the symbol that that I

was on

I started to

My

In

been hazy,

first

opened up suddenly,

Soon

ardous venture. Yet

ness

to

was approaching an inhabited

tropics the mornings

now

river.

on

stood out clearly.

There were no houses

and

large motionless patch

was

flat

their soles

had led me

fields,

was the only sound.

I

tree-

was out

of view.

from which the dark-

inch by inch, nothing

dew and

by

into this danger, but

country, the cross

shoes were wet with

to wait

found myself scanning the

walk. In the

lifting

mind allow me

this stage;

moved but

myself.

the soft squelching of

walked on,

as

if

being

my own footsteps, and abruptly the feeling came over me that all this had happened to me before. To be sure, my reason told me that I had never walked pursued by

^

The Downhill Path

through the uneasy dawn of a foreign land. Yet

like this I

^

91

remembered

identify

this

very experience and tried in vain to

Several times the

it.

only a pa-

away from my consciousness. Somehow

per's thickness

could never quite seize

What

memory seemed

I

it.

did recall in place of this elusive experience

I

from the past was the

fact that recently I

time after time from such blockings of

had suffered

memory and

that

they belonged to what psychologists designate as "false recollection." This peculiar feeling of having experienced in the past

what

is

happening

to recall that past

failure

course, that

it

phenomenon

—

now

is

for the simple reason,

never existed. According to Bergson,

arises at

moments

life,

ory with present experiences, ceases

memory, no longer nourished with

Yet

its

own,

as

this lucid

it

this

which normally

evolves without interruption, constantly feeding the

out on

of

of mental fatigue or pros-

At such moments, conscious

tration.

always followed by

its

mem-

advance, and the

fresh material, strikes

were, ahead of one's consciousness.

me now

Bergsonian explanation struck

as unsatisfactory. In particular, the hypothesis of a ceaselessly

evolving

life

seemed untenable; for often

I

seemed

not to advance, but to repeat myself or even to regress.

Though

the hypothesis

ern rationalistic man,

satisfying to the

mod-

satisfaction that I

now

was deeply it

was not

yk

92

on

Fires

t*

the Plain

sought, but positive truth. If one was ready to accept the

premise of a constantly evolving

wondered, be of

entity

walked along the

I

it

probing within myself

I

—

not, I

guidance

at least as logical to believe in the

some supernatural

As

would

life,

God?

in fact, in

by

plain, I felt certain that

could arrive at some more

satis-

factory explanation of "false recollection" than the me-

chanical theory that

memory over

it

from a precedence

resulted

consciousness at

moments

of

of mental ex-

haustion. I

now

recalled the strange feelings that I

had

experi-

enced some weeks before while walking through the forest after leaving

my

company.

by the knowledge that

I

had then been struck

would never again pass the

I

my

place where I was then walking. According to clusions at the time, the reason I

knowledge was that

and knew

that I

I

was anticipating

was no longer able

damental premise of

my

inherent assumption that I

was doing

was so moved by

at the

normal I

my own

might

(that I

it

this

death,

to realize the fun-

life-feeling,

namely the

could repeat indefinitely what

moment.

Granting that these conclusions were more or rect,

con-

not be possible to explain

had already done

in the past

less cor-

my present feeling what

doing) as a simple perversion of a wish that

I

I

was now

might do

it

&

The Downhill Path in the future?

that there

is

Might not one's mind, when

no

it

93

&

perceives

possibility of repeating present experi-

ences in the future, project these experiences into the past? In that case, the fact that "false recollections" ap-

pear at moments of fatigue or prostration need no longer

be explained by any hypothesis that ceased

its

constant evolution; instead,

that at such life is

one

life

has momentarily it

would

indicate

moments, when the flow of one's everyday

what

interrupted, the idea of being able to repeat

now doing (an

is

idea that normally

is

taken for

granted) emerges to the fore, and one's present actions are automatically projected into the past in order to

make

such repetition possible.

Now

as I

walked on,

I

was no longer worried by the

rapidly ascending dawn. Everyone in the world, self

past

included, lived under a constant illusion of repetition.

Only

I,

that I

would repeat the

new

my

as I

headed toward death, no longer believed

sense of daring.

present. This conviction lent

me

a

^

94

^1

{£

It

Fires

15

on

the Plain

& THE SIGNAL

was almost

forest ahead. I turned

when

daylight

full

I

back and looked

FIRE reached the

at the fields be-

hind me. The sky had changed from madder-red to blue.

moun-

In front of the cloud-swathed peaks of the central tain range, the green foothills

Some brown

had abandoned

indifferently, as

the sunlight and the

warbled

From my reach

all

the

dew

way

glistened.

Some

it

mistress.

forest leaves the grass

shrilly in the

hilltop I

that night. I observed

one might a former

Between the blanket of

ical bird

to emerge.

specks high up amidst the green represented

the paradise I

now

were beginning

shone in

unfamiliar trop-

branches.

had surmised

to the village; but

that this forest

now

it

broke

must

off

and

another plain stretched out before me, bounded on both sides

by

hills

that rolled

down

to the bay.

by a broken bridge, cut across the I

A river, spanned

field.

glanced swiftly about the plain. There were no people

or houses in sight, but the bridge warned

could be far forest I

off.

me

that neither

In the marshland by the edge of the

saw two water buffaloes and, surrounding them,

^

The Signal Fire

95

^

a flock of snow-white herons. Occasionally the herons

would that

fly

on and

off the

backs of the buffaloes;

one of them was pecking

at

I

noticed

bearer and remem-

its

bered having heard that herons were partial to certain insects that stick to buffaloes' backs,

loes themselves

and that the buffa-

were delighted to be thus liberated of the

insects.

There was an ominous quality about

morning scene.

I scrutinized

this

limpid early

each tree by the edge of the

For

forest with the care of a professional sentry.

my

poten-

executioner. In a copse that bordered the hills

on the

knew, one of those tial

trees

might be concealing

gleamed the white stem of a single

left

all I

fallen tree; its

trunk pointed crazily toward the sky, and so clear was the

morning

air that

from where

I

stood

I

could

make out

every single tendon of the roots. I

took

my

rifle

at the ready, set

had gripped

me

from

my

shoulder-strap,

out across the plain.

—a

feeling far

serene speculations. Ceaselessly lucid scene: I

was determine4

and holding

A feeling of tension

removed from

my

to see

it

my

recent

eyes scoured the pel-

my enemy

before he

saw me. I

mud

reached the bridge. The river was turbid with the that

it

had gathered on

its

way through

the marshes,

&

96

\M

on

Fires

the Plain

and the water swirled sluggishly under the haps

it

was

just at this point that

my

girders. Per-

unseen enemy would

strike.

Then steadily

a long, thin

from the

exactly like the I left

cance.

my

ment of

distant hilltop

smoke

signal I

and suddenly

unit,

The

column of smoke began

first

prairie fire

my

on

was

It

was

I realized its true signifi-

had heralded the bombard-

ing morning had risen from the soldiers

right.

had seen on the afternoon

the near-by hospital, while the fire

main body of

to rise un-

flying.

on the follow-

toward which the

hill

Why

grasped the connection between these

had fires

I

only

now

and the en-

suing disasters?

Yet ting

I

was not frightened. The Filipino

by the foot of

that distant

little

village

whom I would

in a

back

lazily

ground. As soon as

began

repre-

few minutes be meeting.

glanced around again.

buffalo's

column of smoke

danger compared to the inhabitants of the

sented

I

sentries squat-

to beat

its

spread its

legs

The heron perched on its

wings and glided to the

touched the humid earth,

wings agitatedly; then

steps, folded its wings,

the

it

it

walked a few

and stood motionless by the edge

of the forest.

From

the opposite direction

came

the familiar chug-

&

The Dogs ging of engines.

^

97

The American boats must have

started

their daily journeys out at sea.

Beside the soggy path, which

now

ran through a grove,

water trickled along the exposed strata of rock. The trees

were lined up on each side watching me. Suddenly the go down a

path veered to the

left

and began

Directly in front of

me

the whole village lay spread out.

^

16

The ward the

slope.

^ THE DOGS

slope fanned out

sea.

to

Down

it

and descended gently

to-

ran a single road, bordered on

both sides by some thirty palm-thatched huts. Through the cluster of

could

palm

make out

trees at the

bottom of the path

the blue glitter of the water. There

I

was

not a sign of anyone on the road, and apart from the distant

chug of motorboats, the

village

was deathly

The church stood a few yards away from white,

narrow

there, to

side rising

quiet.

the road,

above the row of huts.

its

And

be sure, crowning the fagade, gleamed a faded

yellow cross.

98

|fl

Fires

?*

cw

the Plain

On seeing that yearned-for symbol so close at hand, I felt my heart beat faster. The cross shone there above the village with a sort of barren, indifferent coolness.

was not the moment

to kneel

I leaned against a tree

left.

The

caving

I

and waited for something

stood I examined the

and some of the wooden

first

sign of

my

hut on

seemed

to

be

steps that led to the

front door were missing. I peered through the

which was propped open by a

to

static.

walls were filthy, the thatched roof

in,

this

down.

move. Time passed. The scene remained

From where

But

window,

stick;

but there was no

was

siesta time, instead

life.

One might have of high morning,

thought that

when even

it

in a sleepy Filipino village

like this

one would have expected

activity.

There was no doubt about

to detect at least it:

some

something here

was radically wrong. I

ran to the

and stepped corner of the

wear and a piled in a

Lucky

hut,

first

in.

It

room

bounded up

was empty. In an open box I

in the

could see some coarse pink under-

child's sandal.

A fishing-net with weights

messy heap; on top of

Strikes, a

the broken stairs,

it

lay an

was

empty pack of

wrapper from a chocolate bar, and a few

other odds and ends.

&

The Dogs

The owners had obviously had taken

left in

not have returned? After

I

had

why should

the Filipinos

area must

now be more

became

clear that the

all, this

or less under American control.

I

a hurry. Either they

their possessions with them, or the hut

subsequently been looted. But

village

^

99

was

It

entirely deserted.

ventured to show myself again in the open, and while

eyed the huts on both

began to walk slowly

sides,

along the rough, empty road through the village. the puff -puff of the motorboat engines could

heard, but a

new sound came

to

my

Now

no longer be

ears:

a swishing

sound, as of running water.

And

then suddenly the air was

two dogs rushed

me

at

road.

They stopped

teeth,

barking savagely.

I felt grateful for

muzzle of

my gun

full

tilt

a few yards

filled

from the

of

to

warn any near-by

presence, and at the time this seemed far

more dangerous than nothing moved. terrier, the

one often sees

the

in their direction, I quickly glanced

enemy

them was a

their

my sturdy Army trousers. Aiming

The barking was loud enough

Still

side of the

away and bared

about.

my

with barking, and

the dogs themselves. I

turned back to the dogs.

One

of

other a reddish mongrel of a type

in Japan; their expressions

were devoid of

&

^

100

on

Fires

the Plain

the gentleness that shows in the eyes of domestic animals.

Now

they were emitting low, ominous growls. I could

on the upper part of

feel their eyes fixed

kept

I

The

my

my body.

and threatened them with

position

animals, however,

my

rifle.

had apparently not been trained

to

fear firearms, for they did not flinch in the slightest as I

took aim. At

membered

all costs I

the

smoke

was determined not

and, leaning

rifle

my

it

My

dog sprang

on

the near-by hilltop and

to alert the Filipino sentries.

at

it

my

hip, quickly

into the muzzle.

At

The blood gushed out

of his

as

my

throat.

between

slid

body

drew out

that instant

me, heading straight for

bayonet caught him in mid-air and

ribs.

my

eyes off the dogs, I lowered

against

bayonet and fixed

the red

to avoid shooting: I re-

signal

my

Without taking

wanted

it fell

his

to the

side of the road.

The other dog was

already in full

He

flight.

rushed

howling as far as the trunk of a palm tree down the road

and then began from various

to

bark loudly. Dogs

now

and they stood

in a

directions,

joined

him

pack by the

roadside, barking together. I started to walk. Before

I

reached the dogs, they scattered to take refuge by the walls of the near-by huts; their wild barking fill

seemed

to

the whole village. I

came

to a small piazza.

The fagade

of the church oc-

&

The Dogs cupied one

side.

A black swarm of carrion crows perched

on the sloping roof and on the arms of the certain that the birds

looked

£*

101

cross. I

had not been there when

I

was

had

at the cross before.

Now I

could identify the swishing sound:

it

came from

a hydrant opposite the church. White water was splashing

out of a broken pipe that no one had bothered to repair.

What could have happened

keep the

in this village to

inhabitants from returning?

As

how

I

washed the blood

ironical

it

was

off

I

weapon, which

that this

given in order to destroy first

my bayonet it occurred to me

my

had been

I

country's enemies, should

have been used to slaughter a dog.

wiped the bayonet, put

it

back

in

its

scabbard, and

then slowly drank from the hydrant. Although the water

undoubtedly came from the mountains, the

muddy

flavor to

tasted delicious.

Yet

which

I

it still

it

was

free of

had become accustomed:

lacked something

had been

I

What

unconsciously longing for during the past weeks. really

wanted was sea water

which

I

I

—

yes,

was the

I

taste of salt,

had not experienced for so long.

ran past the palm

trees, across the

of the beach which caved in under the sea. After filled

it

it

my

wading

my

into the water

canteen and drank to

my

hard, brittle sand feet,

up

to

and down to

my

knees, I

heart's content.

Mixed

^

^

102

on

Fires

with the longed-for saltiness,

I detected

the Plain

a faintly sweetish

flavor.

The calm me.

From

bubbled

surface of the Visayan Sea spread out before

the near-by

forth,

promontory the

cries of the cicadas

echoing across the water in a continuous

high-pitched note only

now and

then interrupted by the

sound of an American motorboat passing

The

deserted beach described a smooth, white arc

from the steep promontory on the left it

where a

flowed to

river a

to

A

river

notched

its

final destination.

its

Though

this

right to a point

way through

wrecked sailboat lay with

river bed.

was

must be a

At

the

its

bow

mouth

of the

buried in the

no boat

be seen.

wind, with a moistness and a delicate scent that

the seashore at

wrapped

itself

that

me

gently about me.

Then

and mountains of Leyte

After a while

it

As

I

and hurried back

approached the

passed between its

journey over

Island.

I realized the risk of

there by the shore trees.

had blown on

standing there alone in the water,

straddled legs and quietly continued

the plains

I

home, crossed the sparkling surface of

the sea and, finding

palm

on the

the sand as

fishing-village,

remembered from the summer winds

my

far out at sea.

exposing myself

to the shelter of the

village, I

became aware

&

The Dogs of a sickly smell. It

was a smell with which

^

103

was already

I

well acquainted.

When my company had

been camped in the south, we

had occasionally managed

the vicinity of our barracks; after

we would abandon

possible,

The huge

cows wandering

to shoot

we had

in

eaten what was

the offal in a near-by

field.

carcass rotted almost at once under the tropical

sun and only the head remained recognizable. For days after,

our barracks were bombarded by the loathsome

smell of decay assail

—a

our stomachs

I realized

ever since

when

I

when

I

now

I first

had run

seemed

sweet, pungent smell that

to

directly.

that this smell

had been

entered the village.

my

It

in

my

nostrils

had been there

bayonet through the dog and also

had been drinking from the hydrant. Only when

had gone down

to

the sea

had

temporarily

it

I

lifted.

Clearly the object from which the stench emanated was

somewhere

in the village.

Perhaps

pig abandoned by the inhabitants

Soon

The

I

still

of

facade.

they

fled.

in front of the church.

black with carrion crows.

proached, they began to

One

was the carcass of a

when

was standing once more

roof was

it

them flew up

move about

As

I ap-

in a seething mass.

sluggishly along the wall of the

^

^

104

Fires

my nightmare,

Just as in

was

gilt

splotches left

peeling.

the Plain

the cross failed to

expected excitement. I noticed that the

on

was

it

awaken

dirty

The fagade was

and

stained

by the rain and the edges of the stone

the that

with steps

were broken. One of the two black wooden doors was half open, exactly as I I felt

exhausted and decided to rest in the church.

walked up the

But

I

had dreamt.

steps.

was prevented from going

^

17

How

could

my

straight up.

& THE OBJECTS I

have failed to notice the objects

ing at the foot of those steps

been in

I

field of vision for

—

objects that

must have

My

some time?

ly-

sense of

perception must have already changed during the weeks since I

my

had

left

my

company. Clearly the

link

between

consciousness and the outer world was gravely

tenuated.

time

A

come

solitary alien in

land, I

to notice only objects that

mediate danger, literally

enemy

this

warned me of im-

or, as in this case, objects

stumbled.

had by

at-

on which

I

&

105

&

thought of them as "objects" though some might

call

The Objects I

them "people." In one

sense, to be sure, they

were people,

but their bodies had already become mere dehumanized objects.

What

lay

below those

steps

was corpses.

Having been corpses for some time, they had

lost all

the individual conformations of their past lives.

Only

army

trousers revealed

time

their

owners had

still

some

slight trace of the

mud and

by

they no longer seemed like barely

when

belonged to humankind; yet even

these were so discolored

indeed,

their

human

distinguishable

carrion slime that

clothing and were,

from the surrounding

earth.

Even

had recognized the objects

after I

failed at first to see

trusted that I

would

certain familiar

what find

human

as corpses I

really lay before

among

this

the skin red.

me.

swollen, in defiance

proportions, to the utmost extent that

would permit;

From some

still

forms. But the grotesque trans-

The exposed arms and backs had

human

I

loathsome mess

figurations of putrescence constantly deceived

of normal

me.

their surface

gleamed a coppery

of the bodies, intestines as large as

thumbs protruded where the stomachs must have been. This presumably marked where the soldiers had been

wounded; but there was no trace of any

hole, for the

bound

the intestines

swelling of the surrounding flesh

^t

^t

106

on

Fires

the Plain

tightly like sausages.

The heads too were bloated and looked

as

been stung by thousands of hornets. Their

if

they had

hair, tightly

glued to their skin by a liquid that had oozed out in the process of decomposition, foreheads. I

made

blurred borders on their

knew then that I could never again look

vague hairlines of wax

dolls in

at the

shopwindows without a

sense of horror.

Their cheeks bulged and their mouths were pointed.

One might

almost say that they had the expressions of

pensive cats.

Some

lay with their heads resting

on the

legs of their

companions, others were contorted so that they hugged their

own

shoulders.

The

clothes over their buttocks were

frequently torn and I could see the bare bones underneath.

Now

it

was

infested with dogs

Why

was

had no such

clear

why

this

deserted town was so

and carrion crows.

not overcome with nausea? At the time

I

reaction. Perhaps nausea

conscious device of the egoist, who,

is

I

simply an un-

when he

hears of

horrors outside the course of his present serene existence, allows only his stomach to respond.

What

I

did experience was a sense of desolation and a

profound knowledge of betrayal.

me

as I

looked

down

And what most moved

at the carcasses of

my

former fellow

De

&

107

&

were the bent

leg,

Profundis

now

soldiers,

bereft of all humanity,

the spread-out hand, the pointing finger

human

of their final

Now place.

at last I

A group

(A

large

tokens

impulses.

could surmise what had happened in of Japanese soldiers

had come

lage on one of their foraging expeditions.

had taken the

—dumb

pillagers

The

this

to the vil-

inhabitants

by surprise and slaughtered them.

meat cleaver next

to

one of the bodies suggested

the instruments of their chastisement.) Later the villagers

had

fearing that Japanese troops, who, though

left,

longer in control, were

still

marauding

no

in the area in

considerable numbers, might arrive and discover the

massacre.

& I

the steps.

18

& DE PROFUNDIS

made my way around The

interior of the

the corpses and climbed

church reflected no trace of

the nearby horrors. Shafts of light

on both

sides suffused a pleasant

the dust that

had

settled

from the high windows glow and illuminated

on the wooden

floor

and pews.

^

108

The

font

yt

Fires on the Plain

had been fashioned out of a large scallop

shell,

but the holy water had dried up.

On oil

the walls between the

windows hung a

paintings depicting the Passion.

At once

series of

was struck

I

by the profusion of red that the painters had lavished on their canvases, that

The

is,

by the goriness of

their conception.

flogged back of Jesus was smeared with blood, and in

picture after picture blood dripped from His feet and stained the

wood

to

which

He was

nailed.

There was nothing original about these

flat

paintings;

probably they were just copies of traditional compositions.

Yet

I realized that

it

was

this

very commonplace-

ness that most clearly bespoke the barbarism of the age in

which they had been painted. At the same time

not help wondering whether the people of old,

I

could

who

could

worship amidst such a plethora of blood, had as they

gazed

at all that laceration of

human

emotions so very different from those

On

the altar stood a clumsy

wax

flesh I

now

experienced felt.

crucifix.

naked body of Jesus had a corpselike

tint,

The

pale,

which con-

trasted with the reddish black of the coagulated blood. I carefully

observed the figure of

this

good man who had

been sentenced and executed some two thousand years before in a distant

Roman

colony. His hands were nailed,

palms forward, to the ends of the crossbar

at

an angle of

De

^

Projundis

^t

109

exactly forty-five degrees: clearly the force of gravity

was pulling the body down and twisting the hands from their original position.

.

What had happened

.

to

.

me? Here

I

stood facing the

image that millions worshipped as the symbol of faith, the

own

my

image that had, indeed, been the object of

infatuation

carcass

their

—and

being forced

all

that I could see

down by

gravity.

was a gory

What

dismal

change had occurred within me? I

lay

when

down

in the dust of the floor

after all these years I

should

my

corpses of

I

stirred

by

to this

have been forced to see only the mangled

fellow soldiers and the tortured

some

Jesus painted by

had contrived

had again been

and even been drawn by them

religious feelings village,

and wept. Why,

unskillful artist?

this cruel jest,

Was

it

or did the fault

body of fate that

lie

within

myself?

had heard from

my own

the night before suddenly

boomed

"De profundis!" The words

mouth

in

my dream

I

through the church. They seemed to come, from the choir loft and I looked up. But the church

Who It

was empty.

then could have called out those words?

was

my own

my

agi-

was then

that

voice, raised unconsciously in

tation. If I

have

my insanity

started.

in fact

become

insane,

it

W

110

I*

"Out of the depths have

my

Lord, hear

The

on

Fires

voice.

the Plain

unto thee,

I cried

O

Lord.

." .

.

came back

great cry of appeal

to

me from my

Philippine church that

my heart. But in my eyes mirrored as

around the

was no one, there was nothing,

boyhood and

fluttered in

ceiling there

the decrepit

they peered to

answer me. "I will

cometh

lift

my

up mine eyes unto the

hills,

from whence

help."

The bond

that linked

my

outer world had once for

inner consciousness with the all

been severed. There was

nothing in that world which would ever answer for help.

Such was the

fate to

which

I

my

cry

must abandon my-

self.

I

stood up resolutely, and walking past a statue of

the Virgin Mary, which lady's maid,

opened the

made her look

side

was a lawn overlooking the still

another corpse.

door of the chancel. Outside sea,

nails

were

in

and here

The surrounding

from the slime that oozed out of

One hand pointed

rather like a

his

my direction,

grass

I

came upon

had dried up

decomposing body.

and

fantastically long. I vaguely

I

noticed that the

wondered whether

they had grown like that after his death, or whether they

had already been long when he was

killed.

Beside the lawn was a red-roofed presbytery.

I

pushed

De

&

Profundis

open the broken

glass

window and entered

^

111

the house. It

had been thoroughly plundered. The cupboard doors were wide open, and the

lids of the pots

been removed. Nothing was

left

and pans had

all

except some books,

among which

I

"Why would

a Philippine priest be reading detective

novels?" It

I

noticed two volumes of Edgar Wallace.

wondered.

was high noon and outside the window the Visayan

Sea brightly reflected the sunlight.

"They should build a hotel here for inconsequentially. "It I lay

me

down on

tourists," I

thought

would be a great success."

a rattan couch by the window.

It

gave

something of a nostalgic feeling to be stretched out

again on furniture.

Then

took a potato from

my

occurred to

and

me

I realized that I

was hungry.

haversack and gnawed at

that there

I It

it.

might be a match in the house

that perhaps I should at last

be able to eat something

cooked. I

embarked on a scrupulous search of the presbytery.

Undaunted by the

traces of previous looters, I

the cupboards in the Western-style kitchen

opened

all

and examined

the remotest recesses of the drawers, hoping that so insignificant

an object

rapacity. It

Next

I

was

as a

match might have escaped

their

useless.

looked for a magnifying

glass,

with which

I

^

112

^1

might

start

Fires

a

fire

by concentrating the

when he

Wallace. again

I

sat

down

sun's

rays.

I

probably

to read his

Edgar

meticulously searched the study, but once

was unsuccessful. Cursing

I

the Plain

man who

imagined the priest as a rather elderly required a glass

on

of God, I lay

down on a

this ill-equipped

man

sofa and almost instantly

fell

asleep.

It

& SALT

19

V*

was a long, painful

sleep.

When

I

awoke and

looked out of the window, the pale, sad pink of the evening sun glowed over the sea. The sound of the motorboats

still

running I

echoed

if I

in the offing. I

knew

stayed any longer in this

was too lazy

to

move. Then

I

the risk I

enemy

would be

village,

but

must have dozed

off

again. I

could hear someone singing.

ippine song from which

all

It

was a familiar

Phil-

the sensuality of the original

Spanish melody had been winnowed, leaving only a

resi-

due of vague melancholy. The voice was a young

P

Salt

woman's, and clearly as a

came

it

beam

up and looked

weak

der the

late at night.

rays of the

rowboat glided over the in

it;

a

man was

was her

voice, gently

moon. The black shadow of a

a

As

It

Now

and

I realized that I

teeth.

onto the beach.

it

rowing.

journey across the

its

through the window.

the boat reached the shore the

pulled the

my

people were

woman was

modulated by

me

Two

silver surface.

then she stopped her singing and laughed. gritting

I sat

The water shimmered un-

bow and

at the

water, that reached

was

no dream.

as

out.

was already

It

VI

window

straight through the

of light. This could be

113

woman from

He

the boat,

man jumped

stretched out his

out and

arm

to help

and then they both ran laugh-

ing across the sand, holding each other's hands.

Somehow house.

I

dow and steps.

I

knew

that they

my

lowered strained

head beneath the

my

ears for the

straight to this

level of the win-

sound of

their foot-

Their laughing voices grew nearer. Then the back

door opened and a moment the door that separated

They were

still

they were lovers place.

would come

But

my room

laughing.

My

why were

chink of

from the kitchen.

who had chosen

in that case

in the kitchen?

later light filled the

first

thought was that

this as

they

a secret trysting

rummaging

so long

Could they be servants who had formerly

&

114

worked

on

Fires

t*

and were

in the presbytery

still

the Plain

keeping

it

in order

for the priest's return? I realized that at

my room;

any moment they might burst into

and, sure enough, after a while one of them ap-

proached the door and the

through the chink van-

light

ished. I

stamped on the

stopped. rifle,

Then

I

and

floor

instantly

their

voices

got up, pushed open the door with

my

and stepped toward them.

They stood

and

close together

their

wide-open eyes

reflected the light of the oil lamp.

"Paigue ko posporo?"

The woman

I said.

shrieked. It

"Can

I

was a sound commonly de-

scribed as a cry of distress, but in fact

with any such tive,

human

it

was unconnected

feeling as distress. It

was a primi-

thoracic screech of fear.

Her

twisted face

was

fixed

her intermittent animal yelps. anger. I fired.

The

bullet

silk dress.

She put her hand

complete

circle,

and

on me, and

My immediate

she

reminded

out

impulse was breast.

to her chest, rotated strangely

fell

front of his face, began to

let

over the sky blue of her thin

forward.

The man shouted something, and

retreating figure

still

must have entered her

A dark stain spread rapidly in a

have a match?"

move

me

raising

one hand

in

slowly backwards. His

infuriatingly of Lisa in

&

Salt

Dostoevsky's The Idiot, and again This time nothing happened.

My

breechblock.

^

pulled the trigger.

I

I realized that I

had

for-

I

desperately fumbled with

hands

had become hopelessly

gotten to load the gun, and the

115

clumsy.

The man should have taken advantage gun

to seize the

when

I

barrel. Instead, the

of this delay

door slammed, and

looked out of the window his figure was already

retreating in the dark. I rushed after

him

sinuously across the moon-drenched sand. later

he dodged

as

A

moment

he had reached the boat and started rowing madly

out to sea.

I

knelt

down and

fired.

The

report of

my

rifle

crossed the surface of the water, echoed against the distant promontory,

and

manipulated

frantically

died away.

finally

The man

Already he was some

his oars.

distance from the beach. I laughed to myself and returned to the presbytery.

The woman's body had already begun

The breath

corpselike quality.

mouth

like

Was

terrible flaw in

any case

I

had

I

bent

down and

sound stopped.

fate that

it

on a

hissed quietly out of her

vapors rising from a marsh.

listened until the

to take

had led me

my own to

to this crime, or

character?

I

acknowledge that

some

did not know, but in I

was now no more

than a brutish soldier who, far from being able to com-

^

116

|0

Fires

on the Plain

municate with God, could not even mix with creatures. I

had

to scurry

back

to

my

his fellow

solitary field in the

mountains.

Before leaving, I was curious to discover what had

tempted

my

victim to this fatal destination. I examined

the kitchen and found that one of the floor boards had

been removed. Below the floor lay an open canvas bag filled

with coarse, dimly glowing crystals. These crystals

were things of great value, both to those who

still

longed to humankind and to myself. They were

& I

house.

20

stuffed

The

£*

my

village

salt.

THE RIFLE haversack with

salt

and

left

the

was drenched with moonlight. As

hurried up the street the dogs started to bark.

medley of

be-

their voices followed

me from

I

The harsh

the shadows of

the huts, and even after I was out of the village the noise still

A

seemed

to

pursue me.

gleaming mist hung over the

fields like

a curtain.

Nothing moved. In the distance, under the adamantine night sky, rose the

hills to

which

I

was returning. Their

The

&

Rifle

surface was hazy and white like the

woman, and they were I

still

powdered face of a

as death.

was overcome by sorrow. The image of the dead

woman

—her wide-open

breasts, her

a

as

&

111

moment

arm

eyes, her

stretched

on the

of blissful passion

little

pointed nose, her

floor as

—hovered

if

thrown out

in

constantly before

my eyes. It

was not that

I felt

any particular

was now too common an occurrence Besides,

it

was by sheer accident

that I

regret.

Homicide

to think of twice.

had

killed her:

she had not entered that particular house she would

be

if

still

alive.

Why

had

while this

I shot

may have been my immediate motive

ing the trigger, that I

was not the

it

had hardly aimed

that the bullet

accident, I

her? Because she had screamed. Yet

why

had

hit

should

real cause. I

her breast. But

if it

had

My

near the

boots clattered noisily across the

wooden

leaned over the low handrail.

Under

been an

field

boards of the bridge. Halfway across,

that flowed

all

so sad?

reached the river that cut across the

forest.

remembered

was simply by chance

at all. It

I feel

for pull-

I

stopped and

gazed into the water

I

along, dully silvered

by the moonbeams.

the bridge countless eddies swirled round, chang-

ing their shapes,

moving

slightly

downstream, and then

&

^

118

on

Fires

returning to their original positions, as

some magnetic

The

if

the Plain

pulled back by

force.

recurrent motion of the eddies fascinated me. I

realized that

it

was yet another example of

which had played so important a part

in

that repetition

my

thoughts

during the past solitary weeks. Just as repetition realized, should

mountains had

come down

sure,

it

arisen

exist in

fitted into

killed

human

my

life.

had broken

My

if

the

life in

when

that cycle.

I

had

As

a

To be

an innocent Filipino woman.

had been an accident; yet

from

now

in nature, so, I

a regular cycle, but

to the village I

had

result, I

it

was inherent

the accident had

breaking a cycle, then

I

could hardly

disclaim responsibility. I

stood up and held

my

rifle at

done the day before when the opposite direction. against I

my hip

I

Then

I

the ready, just as

had crossed

I

the bridge in

placed the butt of the

in exactly the position

it

had

had been

in

rifle

when

had shot the woman. I

looked

gleam.

It

down

at

it.

The weapon shone with a

was a 25-caliber

rifle. It

sinister

had been assigned

to

a school for training purposes, and the Imperial chrys-

anthemum

crest

on the cover of the breechblock had been

crossed out with a large

X; subsequently, with

the grow-

The

&

Rifle

ing shortage of weapons, the the

£*

retrieved

by

Army.

I

that If

had been

rifle

119

had a

my

only

nausea and suddenly understood

feeling of

recent crime had depended entirely on this

had

I

left it

mountain, the

behind when

woman

I

rifle.

came down from my

much

could have screamed as

as

she liked without the slightest danger. It

my

was

on me, and

had been could

country that had forced until recently

my

with

that an innocent

it

to

my

by the

country

amount

young woman now

Army and

of

damage

I

rifle

dead was that

lay

even after

I

I

had been

ceased to be of the slightest use

country.

Without further ado, It

my

on the enemy. The reason, however,

had continued to carry the rejected

weapon

usefulness to

in exact proportion to the

inflict

this lethal

I

dropped the

rifle

into the river.

disappeared below the surface with almost insulting

rapidity,

making a

single gurgle as

of the solitary soldier

who had

if

to

mock

the plight

impulsively discarded his

only effective weapon. Then the water shone a dull silver as before,

and repeated the same endless

The surrounding beautiful

had

to

fields

eddies.

suddenly looked different. The

moon-soaked night-scene, through which

move with nothing but a bayonet

I

now

for protection,

a

^

120

}0k

Fires

had grown a hundred times

on

No

larger.

the Plain

longer was

knitted together by the protective range of stead,

it

stretched out

on

all sides,

my

it

rifle; in-

having become, as

it

my

were, the infinite accumulation of short radii to which

bayonet would reach.

For a moment Yet

I

knew

storing the

at

rifle

glanced back regretfully at the

I

once that apart from the to use after

it

had

river.

difficulty of re-

lain buried in the

mud

of the river bed, I would, even were I to recover

simply be obliged to throw I started to

walk.

the fields and the the forest.

I

it

it,

away once more.

hurried along with a slouch between

moon-permeated

Soon

mist.

The moonlight was strewn on

I

was

in

the path, and

the spaces between the trees were filled irregularly with light

and shade. The turtledoves were singing two

miliar bars of a Beethoven

from the previous I

was

lonely. I

symphony

fa-

that I recognized

night.

was

terrifyingly lonely.

to return to the

mountains harboring

This was the path

I

had thought

Why

did

this

loneliness?

last night I

pass again. That I should be walking along

I

have

would never it

now

in the

opposite direction seemed even stranger than had the idea of not seeing I

it

again.

could visualize

my

future spread out before

me

future of infinite monotony, circumscribed only by

— my

&

Companions supply of mountain potatoes.

Perhaps not,

living? really

I

Was

my life-giving

on

Then

began

passed a

I

made my way through hills

came

for-

nearer.

to rise through a dense, dark forest.

field

and entered the

the previous morning, the speckles trees stood out clearly:

dawn.

but to keep

my own momentum,

forded streams; and gradually the trail

it

supply of mountain potatoes.

I crossed field after field,

The

worth

life really

worth dying? There was nothing for

toward

\0

answered myself, but was death

on. I hurried along briskly, almost

ests,

such a

121

once again

final

wood. As on

on the barks it

was the

of the

light of

were being moved forward mechani-

I felt as if I

cally like a puppet.

&

21

When

I

Vk

COMPANIONS

emerged from the wood

I

immediately

caught sight in the early morning light of three figures

moving about on green

shirts

my

potato

field.

Their service caps and

were unmistakable: they could only be Japa-

nese soldiers. I

felt

tears suddenly rising to

my

eyes.

^t

122

t£

Fires

"Hey! Hey!"

I

shouted, waving

my

on the Plain

arms and running

toward them.

They

all

my

turned in

direction, like a

group of auto-

matic dolls; then they glanced at each other and once

more

stared at me.

One

them walked up

of

his stern expression.

From

to

I

remembered

are

was taken aback by

I

his chevrons I could see that

he was a corporal; he was

"What company

me.

clearly the

you from?" he

squad leader. said.

that, technically at least, I

was

still

part

of a military organization. I saluted formally and ansir.

Koizumi Corps,

young

superior-private

swered: "Private First Class Tamura,

Murayama Company." "Murayama Company?"

who now approached

said a

us. "I

thought they were

all

wiped

out at Albuera." His face was peaked and unshaven, but

which shone vivaciously under a pair of thick

his eyes,

eyebrows, told "I

was

that he

in the hospital

made my way "Oh,

me

it

the group,

here

all

still

when

on

the

active service.

bombing

started. I

alone."

was you, was

who

was

it?" said the third

was, like myself, a

member

of

first-class private. "I

knew someone must have been up here when we found the helmet. I told

Where have you come from now?"

them what had happened

to

me

since leaving

&

Companions

123

men-

the mountains the night before; however, I did not tion having killed the Filipino

"Hm," "You've

said really

the

corporal,

^

woman.

me

eyeing

suspiciously.

done some hiking around by

yourself,

haven't you? Where's your rifle?" "It got lost in the valley, sir,

on

my way

back

night," I said, automatically blurting out the

"Very

efficient of

"What were

all

damned

lost

lie.

you, wasn't it?" said the corporal.

"Of course," he added, looking "you went and

at the superior-private,

yours too, didn't you

—

Burauen."

at

the hell!" said the superior-private gruffly.

running for our forest,

last

lives

remember?

It

through the middle of that

was so dark you couldn't

possibly find something once you'd dropped

worry, though, corporal,

I'll

"We

it.

Don't

pick up another one before

long."

"Off some poor dead soldier, eh?" said the corporal, laughing.

"What company are you from,

sir?" I said to the

squad leader. "We're from the Oshima Company.

We

tried to fight

our way across to Burauen, but the whole company got cut to pieces.

parachute unit. all

shot

We

were meant to join up with a

A fat lot of good they did us!

up before they could even

land.

They were

Only

thirty of

&

124

^1

them reached the ground

alive.

And

to scurry into the jungle for safety.

Americans company. but

we

tween

just

Me

didn't

us.

on

Fires

all

the Plain

they could do was

Thanks

to them, the

about managed to wipe out our whole

and

my men

here got back to the coast,

have a bullet or a piece of food

Then suddenly we came on

this field

be-

left

and we

could breathe again." I

glanced around and saw that

had been

utterly laid waste.

my

former paradise

The "potato

been uprooted and there was a large

trees"

had

all

pile of potatoes near

the hut.

"Luckiest thing that ever happened spuds," continued the corporal.

—

finding

"They should

those see us

through as far as Palompon."

Palompon was

a

town on one

tip of the

peninsula that

protrudes in the northwest of Leyte Island. it

I

knew

that

had been heavily reinforced by our troops. "Is

your squad heading for Palompon,

"Didn't you

sir?"

know? The Army's given

troops on Leyte to muster at Palompon. Staff finally isn't

orders for

all

The General

seems to have caught on that the campaign

going quite as they'd planned. In the past week

the units have been falling back

on Palompon. They say

we're going to be evacuated by troopship

Funny you not having

all

to

Cebu.

heard! That's what comes from

&

Companions

on your own

staying

"No,

—you

125

W

don't get to hear the orders."

never heard them."

I

"All right, men," said the corporal after a pause, "we'll dig

up

all

You'd

the spuds

we can

carry and then we'll clear out.

better dig yourself a few,"

he added to me, "to

help you get to Palompon."

"Very

The

well, sir."

soldiers glanced at

"Makes us

feel like a

each other.

bunch of damned barbarians,"

said the superior-private, "hearing well,

sir.' I

remember when

can't

I

here, fellow," he added, turning to

you

to

come along with

someone say 'Very

heard that

Look

last.

me, "no one's

telling

us or anything. I shouldn't think

you could keep up with us anyhow, seeing

as you've

been

ill."

"I'll

do

my

best to keep

"Well, fellow,

I'll tell

up with you,"

you one

thing.

I

answered.

The

three of us

here are a bunch of real hard-bitten old soldiers.

went through the whole

—

right

man

down to

flesh.

...

New

the bitter end If

you

We

Guinea campaign together

when we were

really

want

to

living

on hu-

come with

us,

you'd better look sharp or we'll be eating you with our potatoes!"

They

my

all

guffawed.

haversack.

Then

the superior-private noticed

^

^

126

"What's "It's

Fires on the Plain

that stuff you've got in there?" he said.

all

pretty bulky, isn't it?"

"It's salt," I said.

"Salt?" like a

The

three

paean of

men

shouted out the word in unison

joy.

"Salt!" repeated the corporal, his voice suddenly as-

suming a respectful

know. Well to let us self, is

And

.

.

.

tone. "You're a real millionaire,

what about

well,

it?

Aren't you going

have a taste? There's no sense hogging

there? We'll take you along to

don't worry

—we won't

you

it all

your-

Palompon with

eat you!

That was

us.

just a

joke." I

could hardly demur.

"All right,"

I said feebly,

"help yourselves."

"Really?" said the superior-private. "That's nice of you, fellow! We'll take

and share

it

out, shall

it

we? But

damned

over there to the hut

first let's

have a quick

taste."

They

all

pulled out

As

crammed

fistfuls

their

of salt

they chewed they

hands into

and

stuffed

mumbled

it

my

haversack,

in their mouths.

their appreciation. I no-

ticed that the eyes of the superior-private

were filmed with

tears.

"Where on earth did you started

toward the hut.

get it?" he said,

as

we

&

Companions

"Down

127

W

food.

Are

in the village."

"Did you see anything else?" "No, there was

just salt."

some other

"Surely there must have been

you sure you looked everywhere?" "Only

in the

one house."

"That's too bad, there's

down

lots

"The "Yes, stick I

of other

me and

with

you know,

village

is

stuff.

probably

around here too long

looked

where

I

down toward

had seen the

What about coming

full of snipers

right.

it

by now."

fact,

we

shouldn't

From

the

same

In

either."

the village.

The

hill

day before rose a

familiar shape of the cross

gleamed above the distant

found companions

.

prairie fire the

slender wisp of smoke. still

.

having another look around?"

suppose you're

I

.

that's really too bad. I bet

forest,

but

now

that I

had

no longer made any impression on

me.

For hope had sprung up within me. What and done

mind

like

in the village

still

the fragments of

I

had seen

stuck to the back of

some

terrible

my

nightmare;

but the news about Palompon superseded everything.

When lifted

in

I

considered

me from

my own

how

swiftly this scrap of

news had

the nadir of despair to a sanguine belief

survival, I realized that all the

murky

visions

^

128

^1

Fires

on

the Plain

had suffered since leaving

and experiences

I

been simply the

results of

my

my

unit

had

solitude.

—

Now I had companions companions, who, thanks to my gift of salt, were bound to me in a social relationship, and who could not summarily reject me as my squad leader had done. Even my recent homicide seemed unimportant in the light of

was almost

now an

as

if

that

this

new-found relationship;

murder had never happened.

on the

island,

claim as they to be evacuated to

home

That

I

I

Cebu and

had the same eventually to

should have become gullible enough to believe

handfuls of

was

and

alive.

that for these routed

ship,

was

ordinary Japanese soldier, like the thousands of

other routed soldiers

return

I

it

salt

itself,

would

and demoralized

soldiers

a few

bond of comrade-

constitute a

of course, the result of

my weeks

of isola-

tion.

Feathers were scattered about the hut.

"So you actually managed to shoot those chickens," I said.

"No, we caught a couple and wrung their necks," said the superior-private with a chuckle.

"The others

all

got

away." I distributed

my

salt to

my new

companions. As

I

The Procession

handed each man

his portion I felt that I

whether they shared

their faces all bore the

"Well, men,

my

I

could not

impression, but in any case

same look of solemn

go," said the corporal.

let's

VL

was performing

a sort of ritual that would link us together. tell

129

V*

gratitude.

"Tamura,

you'd better hurry up and pick yourself some spuds.

suppose

we ought

to let

you have some of ours

that salt you've given us, but we'll tatoes

we can

haven't "I

left

hope

carry."

He

be needing

glanced around the

you very many, have we?" he

you'll excuse us for

I

after all

all

the po-

"We

field.

said, laughing.

making such a mess of your

property!"

The

corporal was clearly in a good humor.

& I

22

broke

^ THE PROCESSION off a

few of the remaining stems,

carded the interior mechanism of seen the

my companions

empty

do,

and

my

gas mask, as

I

dis-

had

stuffed the potatoes into

case.

Then we

set off.

The corporal

led us

down

the path

yt

I

^t

130

Fires

had taken when

and followed

the river

it

to

we were heading

downstream

American

straight north.

forces

on the

the Plain

my field. We new

From what

east

reached

way

for a long

path veered off at the foot of a

until the

the

came up

I first

on

hill.

Now

I gathered,

and west coasts had

already joined up, thus cutting off the northern part of the island; but, according to the corporal, there

was a

Ormoc Highway branched

off to

junction at which the

and

the west,

if

we took

this road,

get through to the peninsula

We

crossed the foothills and

narrow

trail

reached

flat

for

and

to

we

should be able to

Palompon.

made our way along

over two mountain passes. country and the

trail

Finally

a

we

became wide enough

an oxcart.

"Better start looking out for planes," said the corporal.

"They always

Now

scattered groups of soldiers

from the

we were

men

to

strafe the roads."

forests

on the

hills

began

to

appear

and joined the road. Soon

part of a long, serpentine formation with enough

make a whole company.

When

the road

emerged

into

open country, we broke

formation and hurried between the bordering trees until it

once more entered the shelter of the woods. As our

column passed through the

virgin forests they

became

as

The Procession

and congested

bustling

131

V*

as the shopping-quarter of

t*

some

city.

The condition lievably since I

of the troops

had

last

had deteriorated unbe-

seen them. Their uniforms were

in shreds, their shoes broken, their hair

and beards ab-

surdly long. In the soldiers' pale, dirty faces only their eyes shone clearly as they peered inquiringly at each other.

Palompon, Palompon. With that one magic word mind, each soldier dragged his

his

starved,

sick,

in

ex-

hausted body along the road, desperately trying not to lag behind the others.

rows of

soldiers

On

who had

on both

the slopes lain

down

sides

to rest, or

were

who had

collapsed and been pushed off the road. I

wondered whether the Americans knew our orders

about going to Palompon. As

if

to

answer me, the roar

of a plane passed low over the forest through which

were fire.

filing.

We

I

all

we

heard the harsh staccato of machine-gun scurried for safety.

passed, the road

was

littered

When

the plane

had

with more bodies of the

dead and wounded. Night

fell

suddenly.

The corporal

led our group off

the road into a clearing in the valley.

companions

as

I

copied

my

they extracted the powder from their

&

^

132

Fires

and made a

cartridges

branches. I recalled

fire

how

I

had chewed away

how

my demand

have been avoided

all

simple expedient.

weeks

I

As

only

if

I

at

had

at

my raw the

terrified

for a match. It could

had thought of

I

my

I started to eat

was astounded

the Plain

by rubbing the powder with

potatoes day after day, and Filipino couple with

on

my own

In the entire ragged procession,

first

this

hot food in

stupidity.

we were undoubtedly

the only soldiers with an adequate supply of food.

was

for this reason that

When we had

we took our meals we

finished eating

It

in secret.

rejoined the

file

and

advanced steadily through the moonlight. In the dark-

and canteens of the

ness under the trees, the bayonets

marching

soldiers clanged against

As soon

as

dawn came we

the trees; in the evening

was cooler

at night

and

left

we

the road and slept under

started

also there

being strafed. After some days,

waned and we had

The number steadily. I

dropped

to revert to

of bodies

seemed

their rifles

to

was

less

It

danger of

however, the

moon

daytime marches.

for a

rifle,

but none of

be armed. Either the

some time before

lapse, or their fellow soldiers

afterward.

marching again.

by the roadside increased

was on the lookout

the corpses

each other.

had

stolen

men had

their final

col-

them promptly

The Procession

One day Tamura, to

133

V*

the corporal ran

up

me

to

with a

rifle.

VL

"Here,

found one for you," he said and handed

I've

it

me. a dead man's?"

"Is

it

He

looked at

me

pinch

"If I didn't

I asked.

in astonishment. it

from a

stiff,"

hell d'you think I got the thing?

you don't want

"Damned ear.

the

it if

in

my

squad leader gives you something, you'd

well better take

since our departure

"Yes,

needn't have

superior-private hissed

without asking a lot of

it

questions!" I noticed that he

own

You

"where the

said,

it."

fool!"

"If the

damned

he

had acquired a

from the potato

said to the corporal.

sir," I

rifle

silly

of his

field.

"Thank you very

much."

Each time

passed a soldier

I

who had

collapsed by

the roadside I felt a vague oppression in

remembered how,

after the

bombing

been able to laugh and turn

companions

as they

valley below.

my

my

chest. I

of the hospital, I

back on

my

unfortunate

had scurried about absurdly

That was because

my own

had

in the

death had then

seemed so imminent. Now, however, that Palompon had

emerged

as a

symbol of hope,

feeling of guilt towards

never reach

this

haven.

my

I

could not restrain a

fellow soldiers

who would

^

Yet them.

some days

after I

Fires on the Plain

yt

134

saw that they were not

the roadside. settled

began

I

Most

down by

their belongings

of

to

just lying at

them were

tree trunks

grow accustomed

still

alive.

and lay there

to

random by

Some had

quietly, with

arranged neatly beside them. Others sat

cross-legged and fixed the passers-by with their glistening,

moribund

One

eyes.

soldier lay flat

and intoned monotonously

"Anyone here from here from the

One day the road.

I

I

the

on the

grass

as the procession passed by:

Yamanaka Company? Anyone

Yamanaka Company?" noticed two familiar soldiers by the side of

recognized them as Yasuda, the middle-aged

and

soldier with ulcers,

matsu. Since

I

had

last

his

young companion, Naga-

seen them outside the hospital,

however, their physical conditions had evidently been reversed; for

now

it

was Yasuda who could not walk,

while Nagamatsu had become quite

man was

selling

agile.

The young

tobacco to the passers-by.

"Anyone want some tobacco? The normal

price

is

three potatoes for a leaf," he announced, "but two potatoes will do."

The Army's purchasing power, however, had

drasti-

cally declined since the days outside the hospital

there seemed to be

no

"Tobacco indeed!"

and

offers.

said our corporal, as

we

passed

&

The Procession

"Who

Nagamatsu.

tobacco now, you

135

?*

the hell d'you think's going to

buy

damned

idiot?

Of

course," he added

with a sneer, "you might try selling some to the General They'll be along here any minute!"

Staff.

And

"Are you sure?" said Nagamatsu eagerly.

then

he recognized me.

"Good heavens, Tamura!" he you're

"Don't

said.

tell

me

alive!"

still

"Well,"

I said, "I

suppose

I

am. What's happened to

you two?" Signaling to

with them,

I

my

companions that

would catch up

I

stepped out of the procession and joined

Nagamatsu. bear speaking about," he

"It doesn't

said.

"I'm just

about done for!"

"How?" that

"It's

glancing at Yasuda,

over

creature

terrible

who was

sitting

there!"

he

said,

under a tent by a

clump of trees some ten yards from the road. "Terrible?" I said.

"Well, hospital geezer.

tell

you,"

was bombed,

That was

find out

He's

I'll

I

said

Nagamatsu.

"After

decided to tag along with the old

all right,

but

it

didn't take

me

he had to have every single thing his

made me

the

his servant in everything

long to

own way.

but name.

Now

&

136

?*

he's got

me

can't

Fires

inch by himself."

He was

looked at Yasuda.

I

the Plain

tobacco here. The old geezer

selling this

move an

on

leaning against a tree

with his right leg stretched out helplessly in front of him.

I

walked over

"My, my," he is it?

to the tent.

said

when he saw me. "So

You're looking a

it's

Tamura,

you know. Been getting

bit fatter,

plenty to eat, have you?"

"I'm not quite sure how,"

I said,

"but

I

seem

to

have

managed somehow." managed up

"Well, I've

till

now

too," said Yasuda,

"thanks to young Nagamatsu here. But I'm not so sure

about the future."

any of us are,"

"I don't suppose

yours must

make

"Nagamatsu myself along

I said.

"That leg of

difficult."

it

me

lets

lean on his shoulder and I drag

somehow

"His shoulder?"

I

or other."

amazed

said,

remnant of an army there should

that in this routed

still

be room for such

altruism. "I don't

have

all

with a wry smile.

that "If

much I

shoulder, I wouldn't eat.

you

see.

choice," said

didn't I

let

Nagamatsu

him lean on

my

ran out of food ages ago,

Since then I've been living off Yasuda's tobacco."

"That's right,"

said

Yasuda. "We've got

to

reach

&

The Procession

Palompon before my tobacco runs

137

out, or we're

t*

done

for!"

"The trouble

is,"

said

Nagamatsu,

"it's

not so easy to

any longer."

get rid of the stuff

"Nonsense!" said Yasuda. "However bad things people

still

need tobacco.

mura, but

that's the

don't

much

sell

"It's

get,

funny, you know, Ta-

one thing they can't do without.

at a time, of course,

but

still

We

there's

a

steady demand."

"But there

"How

isn't,

d'you

Dad," said Nagamatsu.

mean

there

isn't?"

said

Yasuda

in-

dignantly. "It's only because you're such a rotten sales-

man.

I've

their last

told

you a dozen times

—

will

soldiers

sell

spud for a pinch of tobacco!"

As we

talked the procession passed uninterruptedly

along the road. Presently a group of officers appeared.

When

he saw them, Nagamatsu dashed forward, saluted

and held out a tobacco and took the

leaf.

up

the officer, ran

An to

leaf.

One

N.C.O.,

of the officers

nodded

who was walking

next to

Nagamatsu and struck him across

the cheek. "Silly

time like line

idiot!" this!

he screamed. "Trading tobacco

You'd damned well

and keep heading

D'you hear?"

for

better get

Palompon, or

you'll

at

a

back into be sorry!

^

138

Then

Fires on the Plain

V* the group

moved along

the road and disappeared

around a corner.

Nagamatsu walked back

Now

cheek.

"You

was Yasuda's turn

it

When

exchange?

damned

it's

Nagamatsu

you going

are

the

first

time that's happened to me,"

it'll

—you

happen again

.

me

of anger, but

moment

to leave.

his abuse, I I

see

and

said good-by at

me,

if

was

started to-

his eyes

as

it

still

full

to postpone

of parting.

had

all I

can take from that crea-

he muttered.

"Well," leave

decided that

Nagamatsu followed me,

"I've just about ture,"

poor

." .

ward the road. Yasuda glared

the

to stop acting like a

ruefully.

As Yasuda continued time for

the hell d'you

the goods before getting anything in

look out or

"Well,

moron.

"What

half-wit?"

"But Dad, said

to storm at him.

stupid fool!" he shouted.

mean handing over

rubbing his

the tent,

to

I said, "if

him and

why you

you've had enough,

strike out

on your own.

I

should stick by someone

I

suggest you

certainly don't

who

speaks to

you the way he does." "I

know," he

said.

"The trouble

is,

I

don't think

I

can

— H

The Procession

manage by

myself. Without his tobacco, I'd starve

long and short of

that's the

it!"

"If tobacco's all that important,

some and

help yourself to

why

don't

the stuff out of his sight.

business, he doles out exactly I

could not help laughing

to

still

Each time

one

there's

some

leaf."

when

I realized

think you'd be better off

Palompon,"

just

"He won't

how

Yasuda had trapped the weak-minded young "I

you

clear out?"

"That's no good either," said Nagamatsu. let

V

139

neatly

soldier.

making your way

"than wasting your time around

I said,

here trying to trade tobacco."

"The

"Yasuda doesn't

any

trouble

to

he's going to stick his

they're

Even Yasuda

planes

in

his

voice,

Palompon. The

though, the only time

Americans,

mortars. I

is,

on going

figure

American he meets,

The

Nagamatsu, lowering

fact is," said

first

hands up.

we

ever get near

or

firing

trench

can't get very far with them!"

gazed into Nagamatsu's pale face.

"Are you planning "I really won't

to surrender also?" I asked.

know

looking down. "But

I

till

the time comes," he said,

expect

I'll

do whatever Yasuda

does."

We

had reached the road now.

I

said good-by to

^

140

Fires on the Plain

f*

Nagamatsu and Yet however

set off in pursuit of

walked,

fast I

I

my

companions.

did not seem able to catch

up with them.

^

23

THE RAIN

£#

All day long a moist, heavy wind blew through

body temperature of a

the forest with the

Then

the

began.

rain

It

swished

living creature.

down through

the

branches onto the heads of the marching soldiers. The rainy season

had come

to Leyte.

The water gradually accumulated on gravel that

filled

the volcanic

the spaces between the grass

In level country

made

it

on the road.

a pleasant squelching sound

under our boots; but on the slippery red clay of the slopes

the going

troops,

worn

became harder and harder

out, as

for

the

most of us already were, by under-

nourishment and beriberi.

The

rain beat

Sometimes

it

down mechanically

like a

would stop abruptly only

a few minutes, as

continued day

in,

if

day

shower bath.

to start again in

a tap had been turned on. So out.

it

&

The Rain Before long

we were

all

wet to the

skin.

141

^

Our sodden

haversacks seemed several times their normal weight

and the cords cut painfully into our shoulders. The narrow straps of the steel helmets,

which we carried on our

backs, began to chafe: soon the roadside was dotted with

abandoned helmets. I

quickened

the corporal

my

and

pace in a desperate

his

overtake

two men, but although they could

not have been very far ahead of me, cient strength to

effort to

make up

I

no longer had

for the time I

had

lost

suffi-

by the

roadside. After two days of useless exertion I resigned

my companions into my salt.

myself to abandoning the good will of

which

I

had so hopefully invested

The water had begun

to flow in rapid rivulets over

the grass by the roadside.

Some

of the soldiers in the

exhaustion tried to revive themselves by

last stages of

dipping their bodies in the water. inert with their faces

A

few lay completely

immersed and looked

as

had stopped breathing. As we passed one such figure the soldier next to

how

we'll all

lifted

up

its

me

end up." To face,

all

said:

my

that I

of the bodies

had seen

they

lifeless

"Poor bastard! That's

amazement, the "corpse"

dripping with water, and mur-

mured: "What's that you say?"

Many

if

We

had begun

hurried on.

to swell like the ones

in the seaside village: these, I

knew, were

^

142

$0

Fires on the Plain

Maggots

really dead.

drifted

on the surface of the water,

and, gathering in clumps of grass a few feet from the corpses, floated there in wriggling masses.

The

corpses were devoid of everything but the sodden

uniforms that were stretched tightly over their bloated bodies. Their shoes feet,

had been removed and

their bare

bleached by the water, were swollen like the feet

of the angels in the primitive Buddhist paintings of the

Hakucho

Period.

Mixed with

the sour vegetable smell of the rain-

soaked grass, that pungent odor which

began

On

to

the rare occasions

when its

of the trees.

Then we would

out to dry.

Our

my

so well

hover over the greenery.

dazzling sun would thrust

to

knew

I

it

stopped raining, a

way through

strip

the branches

and spread our clothes

bodies were filthy and emaciated; but

eyes there

was something

strangely impressive

about these scenes, in which on the steaming green un-

dergrowth the brown color of the

mixed with the greenish yellow of

soldiers'

naked limbs

their uniforms

and the

white of their underclothes.

Thanks

to

the

rain,

American planes had grown

scarce; but in their place our procession

was constantly

harassed from the flank by well-armed Filipino guerrillas.

The path

that

we had

so far taken followed the

&

143

&

west of the central mountain range.

The

The Rain foothills to the

guerrilla attacks, however, forced us to strike inland

to

make our way northward,

the narrow

mountain

trails.

and

parallel to the coast, along

Often when

we

crossed the

mountain streams, which had swollen now into huge

muddy

rapids, the starved

be swept

off their feet

helplessly

After

and battered

downstream.

we had

could see the

hills

and

and the

valleys following each other in

like great

if it

rain.

and drape the

The

hills

level country

and

Occasionally trees

away by sudden

on the

fields

fields

it

after

between these

flood.

were reeking

would

hilltops,

As

back

range was covered

clouds

gusts of wind.

wide sheets over the

Now

the backs of the

as they curled

had been under a

All around us the

with moving

waves

foothills of the central

with mud, as

in

left,

became lower, and we

Our path ran along

breaking on the beach.

tropical

to our

that rolled along the seashore; their summits

looked in outline

hills

Ormoc

passed the lights of

rapid succession. hills

would

by the swirling waters and carried

the mountains of the central range

low

soldiers

drift

in the

down

only to be puffed

the rain swept

seemed

to

down

be striped

lines.

the pace of our drenched procession

became

slower and the distance between the individual soldiers

^

144

?*

Fires

greater. Their soggy shoes

and were usability

left

the Plain

and rubber-soled socks

by the roadside. The

seemed to vary from

of the less exigent

men would

split

criterion of

soldier to soldier:

un-

some

pick up shoes that others

had abandoned and wear them pair,

on

until they

and thus would continue on

their

found another

way, constantly

changing shoes.

The shoes

I

had been wearing

had already been cracked

down from

the potato

since I left

in the soles

field.

when

One day

neatly in two from tip to toe.

From

I

my

unit

had come

they both

then on

I

split

went

barefoot.

VL

24

^ THREE-FORK JUNCTION

The peninsula

for

which we were

sticks out like a great ear to the

all

aiming

northwest of Leyte.

A

low range of mountains stretches down from the north of the peninsula and envelops the bay in the south. In the farthest inlet of the

bay

—

in the root of the ear, so to

Three-Fork Junction

speak

—

lies

the

?*

145

V*

town of Ormoc, which was originally

our base.

The mountains on

the peninsula run parallel to the

main mountain range of the

though evidently

island,

belonging to a different system. Between the two ranges

were enormous stretches of low-lying marshes. Here the

Ormoc Highway ran from Ormoc

so-called to

in the south

Carigara on the north coast, then around the northern of the central range

foothills

great plains to Tacloban east-west link-up, the

Valencia, and

all

and down through the

on the

east coast.

With

their

Americans had captured Limon,

the other strategic points

on the Ormoc

Highway. Their tanks and trucks ran ceaselessly along the great road, which

by guerrilla

posts. If

was protected

we were

to enter the peninsula

reach the town of Palompon on ity,

The

we would somehow have vital

at regular intervals

to

its

and

southwestern extrem-

break through

point on our retreat was a place

this road.

known

as

Three-Fork Junction, which lay north of Limon on the

Ormoc Highway, and from where a road branched to the left for the peninsula. If

way

safely to this road,

—have an

imagined

As we neared

easy

only

we should march

the highway

we could make our

—

or so at least

as far as

we

off

we

Palompon.

passed one of our

picked units, which earlier in the campaign had sue-

&

146

F/res

1

|tf

on

the Plain

ceeded for a while in delaying the American advance

and which even now preserved a

from the

east coast,

modicum

of tactical organization. That night

we could

hear the familiar crackle of Japanese machine guns

and small-arms

fire,

as the picked unit tried to

make

a

breach in the road.

"Damn "Why do

it

all!"

who

muttered an N.C.O.

they have to put

we're trying to slip

on a show

across

the

lay near me.

like that just

when

Now

we'll

highway?

never get past. The Americans will be on the lookout."

The by

field in

hills

which we were camped was surrounded

on three

and the

sides,

hill straight in

us was like the bottom of a deep purse.

The next day

decided to go up and see what lay ahead. to the top,

where a group of

soldiers

front of I

clambered

I

was gathered, hid

behind a bush, and scanned the scene.

About a hundred yards ahead single

across the marshes a

wide streak of road, supported by an embank-

ment, cut

its

way

across

my

field of vision; this

was the

Ormoc Highway.

On

the

left

across the road, the marshland stretched

into the distance until

there in the

it

marsh the

reached a

silhouette of a huge,

acacia tree emerged hazily like an island.

a thickly

wooded

hill

Here and

forest.

jutted forth,

and

To all

solitary

the right,

around

its

Three-Fork Junction

^

147

V*

base low-lying thickets were spread across the marsh like the trains of a skirt.

Beyond

the forest

on the

left,

rose a rocky, cloud-

swathed mountain. This was Kanquipot, the main peak of the peninsular

mountain range. The Japanese

had rechristened

it

as

it

turned out,

called the

At

Peak

it

soldiers

Kanki-Ho, or the Peak of Joy, but,

would more appropriately have been

of Terror.

the far right-hand extremity of the highway, a

cluster of houses indicated

see the road for

Three-Fork Junction.

Palompon branching

off to

I

could

the

left,

entering the forest, and circling the base of the foothills as

it

headed toward Kanquipot.

"If

we can

right," said

Now

just get as far as that forest, we'll

one of the

soldiers

on the

and then American trucks and green jeeps

had seen the "enemy" so

heavy to

all

hill.

crawled along the highway. This was the I

be

steel

time that

close at hand. Soldiers with

helmets stood in the trucks and from time

time fired their automatic

direction of our

hill.

thing I could not

make

"Damn

first

their

at

rifles

random

in the

Occasionally they shouted someout.

hides!"

someone

muttered

"They're as fat as pigs, aren't they?

I

never have to go short of anything!"

nearby.

bet those bastards

148

Hi

I

who was

could not see

hidden behind some of voice:

it

on

F/rej

IK

trees,

but

all

because he was

talking,

recognized the harse tone

I

whom

was the corporal

before given up

the Plain

I

had some days

hope of overtaking.

"Aren't you the squad leader I was with, sir?" I

exclaimed automatically and scrambled to "Don't talk so loud,

damn

it!"

my

said an

feet.

N.C.O. who

was squatting nearby. I

—

walked between the

trees

and found

my

companions

the first-class private, the superior-private, and, sprawl-

ing

on

the ground with his gaiters removed, the corpo-

ral.

He

did not appear to be too pleased to see me.

"What, are you

still

around?" he

"Yes, I got held up talking to

said.

my

friends.

I'm very

sorry, sir."

"Nothing to be sorry about," he said with a sardonic smile.

"Anyhow, you've come

for a delightful

"Will

we be

little

just in

time to join us

expedition across that road."

crossing

it

tonight, sir?"

"That's right, we're waiting

till

it

gets dark.

But

going to be tough going through those marshes, tell

I

it's

I

can

mud

that

terrain

was

you."

gazed across the hundred yards or so of

from the highway. The

separated our

hill

quite different

from any

that I

had tackled

until

now.

&

Three-Fork Junction

On

149

?*

the surface of the water floated green clumps that

looked like waterweed.

The "I

was

superior-private

wonder how deep

it is,"

also scanning

the marsh.

he said absently.

"There's no telling from up here," said the corporal,

"but

it's

pretty

damned

deep. I'd have thought there was

some

better place to cross the road than through that

filthy

bog. But everyone else seems to be assembling

here, so I suppose this

"From here said a soldier

to the

is

the best place."

road the mud's up to one's knees,"

who was

lying at a small distance

our group, "but the other side

isn't

from

supposed to be too

bad." "Fine, fine," said the corporal, "you're a real of

information,

across that

you?

aren't

suppose you've been

marsh plenty of times

Even here on

the front,

was the order of the day,

a while, and

I

yourself."

where extreme skepticism

was struck by the sarcasm

The man who had spoken was

of the corporal's tone. silent for

I

I

wondered whether he had been

offended; finally he muttered: "I heard

who used

to

be in the supply

But

if

you don't

tion.

damn! You can

just

mine

dump

believe

go to

it,

at

it

from a fellow

Three-Fork Junc-

I really don't give

a

He was

a

hell!"

So saying, he stood up and walked away.

^

?*

150

tall,

loose-limbed

on

Fires

man and he moved

the Plain

unsteadily along

the hilltop.

"Well, he's a queer customer,

same smile

corporal, with the

he?" said the

isn't

fixed

on

his face.

"What

did he have to get into such a huff about?"

what

"Hell,

rior-private.

difference does

"The only thing

it

make?" said

that matters

the supe-

now

is

to get

through to Palompon." Then, with the deep-rooted cynicism of the foot soldier, he added: "Yes, we'd better get

wave good-by

there in time to

they set

The least

sail for

Cebu and

first-class private,

tough of

my

to the General Staff as

leave us to hold the fort!"

who had

impressed

me

as the

companions, came up to me.

"Hey, Tamura, have you

still

got any of that salt

left?"

The

salt in

my

haversack had been thoroughly satu-

rated by the rain. I had run out of potatoes before,

and for several days now

had been the brine "Yes, I do, but "I don't,

of mine.

.

oozed through

that .

my

some time

only subsistence

my

haversack.

."

you know. The squad leader confiscated

Come

on, be a

good fellow and

let

me

all

have

some, won't you?" Reluctantly

I

opened

rain-soaked Philippine

my salt

haversack.

The

had hardened

dark, rough,

into a sort of

&

Three-Fork Junction

cake together with the

was about

dirt at the

to extract a piece

^

151

bottom of the bag.

when

I

the first-class pri-

vate stopped me.

"Wait a minute," he

said. "Let's

go over there."

followed him to another part of the

I

eyeshot of the corporal, and handed

He

salt.

thanked

"Look a good

here,

me

said.

out of

him a gray hunk

profusely and gulped

Tamura," he

hill,

it

of

down.

"I'm going to give you

tip."

waited in silence.

I

"You

shouldn't tag along with us the

saying 'Yes,

sir,'

'No,

Thank

sir,'

you,

way you

do,

every few

sir'

minutes to the squad leader. I've been with the corporal ever since treat a

we landed on New Guinea and

dog the way

single thing for his

I

wouldn't

he's treated us. He's never

done one

men.

He

when we were

wasn't so bad

stationed at headquarters, but as soon as front,

treat us all like dirt. He'll

you keep tagging along your

he'll

got to the

he became a real bastard. Just because he thinks

he knows something about fighting, he

all

we

salt

and

in

feels

he can

do the same thing to you.

like this, he'll clean

If

you out of

the bargain he'll probably

.

.

.

probably get rid of you."

"Tell me," I said, "were

you fellows joking when

you talked about eating human

flesh in

New

Guinea?"

^

152

&

"Human

on

Fires

he

flesh?"

turning

and,

said

the Plain

his

eyes

dreamily to the sky, remained silent for a few moments.

"Yes," he said, "you'd better take joking.

But

listen here,

happened

being cleared out of Buna. this

one, I can

soldier

tell

you.

It

When we

alive.

'that fellow'

story together

lot

more

was a tougher march than

One day we found chest.

a young

He'd crawled

and was lying there more dead reached him, he said:

fellow! He's a traitor! Kill him!' Well,

who

we were

when we were

just

who'd been shot through the

as far as the roadside

than

you something a

I'll tell

interesting than that. It

that

it

was, but finally

and found out

it

'Kill

that

we had no

idea

we managed

was

his

to piece his

squad leader. The

two of them had been retreating together through the island,

you

see.

The squad

leader had decided to surren-

der and was trying to talk the young fellow into doing the

same

thing.

But he wouldn't

squad leader

by

himself.

just shot

Some

him

listen to

in cold

him, you see, so that

blood and walked on

bastard, eh? I don't see

go and shoot him, do you?

—

just

why he had

to

because he wouldn't

surrender."

"No."

"We had

a fine

bunch of men

then.

But there were

Three-Fork Junction

some

real swine

you! So

153

?#

the squad leaders, I can

tell

V*

among

."

.

.

"Yes?"

—

"So

I'm not saying our

well,

quite that bad, but

on

any of them

inside

and

all.

nothing

still I

don't

—squad

own squad

know what

can do about

go as you

you?

like, aren't

some being

you'll

my

But you're I

by yourself

all

you ask me,

it.

suppose

the hell goes

unit, so there's

free to it

come and

gets pretty lone-

in a place like this.

be better

is

leaders, N.C.O.'s, officers,

I'm stuck in the ranks with I

leader

you

off if

Still,

if

stay that way.'*

"I see."

"Are you sure you see?" he said back

to

as

we

started walking

our original position. "Well, don't forget what

I've told you.

And

stop tagging along like

The corporal looked askance

at us as

you have."

we approached.

"What have you two been conspiring about?" he said.

"Planning

big chance.

seeing any

more

of

how

to surrender, eh? Well, this

Once we

.

.

.

Look, there are some

them passing now. Aren't they charming!"

Down on

the

highway,

a jeep

traveling chaplain painted on the erly

your

Palompon, you won't be

get to

more Americans.

is

man

in a khaki

moved side.

A

past,

with

small, eld-

uniform was leaning out of the

^

154

t*

on the Plain

Fires

window and nervously glancing

at

both sides of the

road.

"Hey, you!" barked the corporal's voice.

around and found the muzzle of his straight at "If

he

"You

really figure

you can

just try

get

if I

you every inch of the way myself. So you'd

up your mind it

to

either!"

it!

And you

needn't

it!" it,

You

can't!

dropping out of ranks once before, but

going to see that you get to Palompon

about

doing

away with

do you, you shameless bastard? Well, you tried

pointing

rifle

me.

you think you can surrender,

said.

turned

I

now

I'm

have to drag

make

better

make such

he added, laughing merrily

a face

to

him-

self.

&

25

& THE FLASHES OF LIGHT

The

rain

still

pelted down, clouding the

and gradually the dusk gathered.

swamp,

First the distant

peak

of Kanquipot disappeared, then the acacia trees and the forest ahead; before long

it

was pitch dark. The

The Flashes along the

traffic

As

Ormoc Highway came

arose in the darkness

down I

£*

to a standstill.

—

a sound of heavy bodies slipping

the wet slope amidst excited whispering.

had a

down

155

was the long-awaited moment, a sound

this

if

&

of Light

the

to cross the

talk,

down

road now, sir?"

you blasted

nearby. "Say another I slid

had

started

hill.

"Are we "Don't

feeling that the corporal also

idiot!" hissed

word and

the slope feet

on the way and

I asked.

brain you!"

I'll

first,

bumping

getting caught in a

The sound continued on both

someone from

sides,

into a tree

clump of bushes.

but when

stopped. I could not

the bottom,

it

was anyone

else at the foot of the hill,

tell

I

reached

whether there

nor could

I try

to find the corporal.

In the marsh ahead there was not a sign of anything

moving. For a

moment

the terrible thought struck

that the breakthrough might

have been called

some last-minute hitch and

that I

myself.

Then

there

was a noise

off

me

due to

was down there by

in the darkness in front

of me. It sounded like a mess tin clanging against a

bayonet.

As

started to

As

I

if

called into action

move

by the

noise,

my

feet

forward.

stepped over a clump of thick grass I could hear

the sound of running water.

The next moment my bare

^t

^

156

Fires

on

the Plain

foot touched the water

and

my

following step brought

me

onto another clump of grass.

Then

I

began

leg

The

to sink in.

sank in more than two feet and the

mud

started

in earnest.

At each

The

step I

soles of

my

was up

to

my

knees in the thick slime.

down, without

feet slipped far

the slightest solid foundation. I

feeling

had the uncomfortable

sensation of being supported only by the thickness of the

mud

deeper and deeper as rifle

mud became

had myself pressed down. The

that I

seemed

to

push

I

my

advanced, and the weight of

me down still farther.

Opaque darkness spread out on

all

sides.

The

rain

had stopped and the only sound was the intermittent howling of a dog, which was wafted from the distance through the muggy atmosphere.

Now

and then

line of the

I

glanced up and could

embankment

cutting

the darkness ahead of me;

on the black just as far

sky.

it

its

my

Yet each time

sharply through

I

looked

it

still

deeper,

knees. I drew one leg high out of the leg,

to

to

be

now was bog and,

which sank

into the ground, described a great arc with if

seemed

away.

balancing myself on the other

as

out the

appeared to border directly

The mud, which had become above

way

make

my

steadily free leg,

sweep the surface of the mud, and thrust

it

for-

&

The Flashes of Light ward. Then, transferring in

all

turn began to glide

its

my other leg

pulled out

Soon

was

I

be

I

Dawn would

knew

that

if

it

ahead.

find

me

mud

the

should not be able to

I

move upper

here, with the

body emerging from the ground:

American was a

It

a slushy sound, I

should

a stick-in-the-mud, ready to be potted by the

literally

first

down with

utterly exhausted. I

at all.

my

half of

weight to the leg that

from behind and forced

ahead became any deeper, forward

my

soldier

petrifying

who

passed along the highway.

moment.

wondered whether the

I

mud.

other soldiers also were sinking into this terrible

Could they anxious to

me from I

be in

all

my

predicament?

I

make sure, but my recent upbraiding prevented

calling to

my

fellow soldiers.

had already passed seemed no

than advancing. There was nothing for

my way when be

ahead

I

mud

least

to

That, after

all,

less

impossible

I

must plow

it:

if

the time

came

well, I should simply

was the very worst that could

—and how many

me

times in the past weeks

not calmly resigned myself to just that fate?

Now if I

and

—

killed.

had

as far as I could,

could no longer advance

I

happen

as

was desperately

thought of going back; but to walk through the

that I

?#

157

the notion of death gave

had been

told that I

was

was something on which

I

me

a sense of comfort,

to return

home. Here

could always

rely,

at

some-

158

|0

Fires

?*

me

thing certain that would wait for destination, wherever I

my

Suddenly

heart

to bubble through

I tried to do.

and new strength seemed

mud was now no

longer a

and voluntary. At the

painful compulsion, but simple

had the impression

I

my

patiently at

body. The action of forcing one

leg after another out of the

same time

the Plain

went and whatever

felt light

my

on

that I

was advancing

rapidly.

Accompanying feeling that

still.

be watching

me

I

had

had

new

sense of ease

I

had the strange

my movements were being observed by

one. I stood

started to

this

—how could anyone

No, of course not

here in this dark, silent muddiness? I

walk ahead, but realized almost

in fact

some-

at

once that

been observed. Proof was that no sooner

I rejected the feeling that I

was being seen than

actions lost their free, voluntary quality

and

my

also their

rapidity.

All of a sudden the I

embankment confronted me.

could hear the sound of

my hand

men

Now

breathing. I stretched out

and touched the scabbard of the man ahead of

me. Instinctively

I

grasped

it.

"Let go,

damn

you,

let

go!" he muttered under his breath. I thought that

I

recognized the corporal's voice.

The mud it

gradually

again up to

my

became shallower; then

thighs,

and a moment

I

was

in

later I stepped

The Flashes

on

to a

hard shelf of earth.

embankment.

As

I

lowered

my

&

159

was on the bottom of the

I

rifle.

scrambled about six feet up along the grass

I

slope of the

moving

&

of Light

all

embankment

I

could sense

human forms

round me. There was a rustling sound

as

we

crawled up clinging to the roots of the grass. In the darkness the white surface of the highway stretched

my

from

to right. I

left

crawled across

elbow touching the gravel and

hind.

my

The whiteness was dotted with

figures of the other

with

it,

rifle trailing

be-

the black antlike

men. Once again the barking of a

dog reached me. I

rapidly slid

down

side of the road. I

the grass slope

on the opposite

heard the noise of running water and

mud

began to walk away from the road. Here the covered only soldier

on the

my

ankles; the information of the

hilltop

had evidently been

correct. I

been walking in a crouching position, but

now

tall

had

I in-

advertently straightened myself up.

"Get down on your belly and crawl, you

idiot!"

whispered a voice. I

crawled ahead rapidly on

front of us

my

hands and knees. In

was the dark outline of the

which passed the road

to

Palompon.

reach that forest, everything would be

If

forest through

we could

all right.

just

a

160

|0

^

on

F/re.y

f/ie

Plain

The surrounding darkness crawled ahead with me darkness that

was

I felt

full

realized that once again I

become part

my

of

—

fellow soldiers. I

had stopped being "I" and

of a collective "we."

Ping!

The sound

of metal striking metal broke into our

A

crawling group.

same

light

came from ahead and

shower of

instant, a

at the

bullets.

"Tanks!" shouted several voices. I

threw myself

flat

on

my

stomach and glanced up.

In the forest ahead a series of lights was lined up like

Cyclopean

eyes,

and

as

their

crossed over the field where

we

gleaming shafts lay I could

criss-

make

out

the prostrate bodies of countless Japanese soldiers. I

pressed

my

forehead to the ground. Each time a

light flashed in the small field of vision

my

head

I

on both

sides of

could feel a gust of air as a bullet tore

past directly above me. I began to

fall

back inch by

inch toward the road. Between the rattle of the machine guns, which sounded like someone banging metal, and the thud of the wet ground being kicked high into the air

by the

bullets, I

was vaguely aware (as

if

watching some sort of fast-motion picture) of

hands and

feet

I

were

my own

moving forward.

"They've got me!" came a voice from the

left.

Then

&

The Flashes of Light

my

on

other side

I

saw a

figure standing up,

forward with a drawn-out cry of "Oh-h-h," and collapsing in the

mud. Once again

I

\M

161

moving silently

thought that

was

it

the corporal. I also

The

stood up and began running.

grass of the

embankment was so

bright that I felt sure I could see

my shadow

on

ness. I

reflected

seemed

to

it.

ran straight for

remember having seen a

bottom of the enbankment. I

I

If I

this bright-

ditch at the

could get that far

.

.

.

reached the emerald embankment and tumbled side-

ways into the

ditch.

Below me the water bubbled along,

while above the bullets whizzed past and the lights from the tanks

lit

were that

up the

I

side of the

embankment. The chances

could stay safely in

unlikely that the

this ditch:

Americans would bring

across the marsh, or that they

it

seemed

their

tanks

would carry out a charge.

Eventually the sound of firing stopped and only the searchlights continued to

and

—

forth,

all

move back and

forth,

back

along the embankment. Then they went out

but one

light,

which remained fixed on the same

place like a protracted screech.

In the end

it

too went out, and once

was pitch black and have happened to

me

silent.

all

toward the forest?

Nothing moved. What could

the soliers I

more everything

had no

who had idea.

crawled with

The darkness

that

W

162

(tf

Fires

my

blanketed

eyes, the water

to

skin, the smell of

mud and

universe. I

.

.

the Plain

my its way through to my these had become my

which flowed along

have soaked

body and seemed

on

grass

—

.

sighed deeply and crawled out of the ditch.

forest lay

The

ahead of me, black and quiet as ever; one

might almost have wondered whether the recent carnage

had

really

happened. Again

Now a new sound It

was

rain.

With

sound of some one tapping I slowly

I

heard a dog barking.

advanced from the side of the road.

came a whispering

it

indistinct

voice; then the

song and a noise as of some-

tin plate.

climbed the embankment and after listening

carefully for approaching footsteps, scurried across the

highway

like a

toad and rolled head over heels

down

the

opposite slope. I rested for

a while at the bottom before starting

out once more across the deep mud. other I seemed

because of

this,

to

my

have

lost

my

At some time or

rifle

and,

perhaps

return journey was less arduous.

&

The Apparition

^ gazed

On

at the

on top of the

the cluster of trees

make out

about the than

I

and the

away

The

fields,

but there seemed to be far fewer

wondered how many like

forest, I

the corpses of Japanese soldiers dotted

had seen on the previous night by the

tanks. I

hill I

road gradually growing white in the dawn.

the other side, between the road

could

get

^ THE APPARITION

26

From

^

163

soldiers

men

light of the

had managed

to

me.

rain stopped. Far

away

presumably

to the west,

was thickly heaped

in the direction of the sea, the sky

with gray clouds; above them rose a huge red cumulus, like a

shock of

hair.

Kanquipot also was dyed by the of the mountain, shaped like a

rising sun.

man and

lit

projected above the purple shadows of the it

stood out in contrast with the

which were is

still

might

recall

and

part

bright red,

main rocks; hills

below,

steeped in the pale light of dawn. That

where most of the other

imagined them

fields

One

now

soldiers

must have

fled.

I

with a sort of nostalgia, as one

an old friend with

whom

pleasant hours in one's garden at home.

one has spent

At

this

moment,

164

^1

&

Fires

on the Plain

they were probably waking up by the foot of that

mountain and about to

start

on the wretched

of

rites

preparing themselves for the coming day. There would

be no point in

Then

my trying to join them.

the shooting started.

.

.

.

The dry sound

mortars arose in the forest ahead and the

was riddled with

bullets. I

where

I

lay

scampered down the opposite

slope and hid in a hollow, with fire.

hill

of trench

my

back

my direction surrounded my hollow.

The range was gradually extended

and soon the roar of explosions

to the line of

in

Great clouds of dust moved steadily across the plain

below and began

was

full

up the opposite

hill.

The

air

of flying tree branches.

The Japanese away by

to crawl

soldiers

on the previous

the attack

not a single

man

had evidently

to

all

night,

be seen. Yet the

been scared

and there was

firing

continued

relentlessly across the deserted green of the hills

and

fields.

At one moment

the thousands of crisscrossing bullets

completely blotted out

range of

fire

my

field

moved away toward

of vision.

Then

the

the central mountain

range in the distance. After about an hour, the artillery

Then a hills

single airplane

and strafed the

fire finally

skimmed low over

forests

on the

slopes.

stopped.

the tops of the

For a while

it

The Apparition disappeared and in the sky;

then

V* distant whirring

its

Now I

It

zoomed high

guns blazing away. After

from every angle, all

was

a dull echo

roared back over a near-by

it

an earsplitting screech. its

made

^

165

hill

with

into the sky with

had attacked the area

it

finally left.

it

quiet. I returned to the hill

from where

could overlook the great marsh and Three-Fork Junc-

tion.

The American

trucks

had

started running again

on Ormoc Highway. Before they appeared from the I

left,

could hear the sound of firing in the forest beyond

the marsh.

The

soldiers

in

the trucks were shooting

they passed below

me

they would give a loud shout and direct a rain of

fire

assiduously in

into the trees

all directions.

on the

hill

Presently a truck

As

where

I

was

lying.

marked with a red

cross stopped

by the side of the road and a group of medical corps

men

stepped out. They walked about nonchalantly in-

specting the corpses of the Japanese soldiers scattered by the edge of the forest. truck,

Then two

of

them returned

to the

opened the back doors, and pulled out a heap

of stretchers, which they carried back to where the

bodies

were

lying.

With practiced

movements they

spread the stretchers out in a row on the ground. At a

word

of

command

they began to load the bodies onto

the stretchers; then they carried the stretchers

back

to

&

166

^1

Fires

the truck and piled

them

in.

One

on

the Plain

remained for

stretcher

a while by the roadside. I watched as an American soldier at the It

walked up to

mouth

was a

When

of the

cigarette.

it

body

and

that lay there.

The body was

A lighter flashed.

alive!

had been piled

the stretchers

all

thrust a small white object

doors were closed, the Americans jumped truck drove

and the

breath and continued staring at the high-

way. So that fellow soldier of mine was

was wounded, but he was an American

to

in,

off.

my

held

I

the back

in,

Army

would be sent back

Now

alive.

hospital,

to Japan,

alive!

still

He

he would be taken

and before long he

where he could walk on

crutches over his native soil for

many long

years, until

finally

he died a peaceful death from some natural

cause.

.

.

.

Perhaps, after

the night before

when

I

all, I

had not been so lucky

had escaped

to this hill without

a scratch. All day long I gazed at the road, hoping for another

Red Cross

truck. Traffic continued to pass

diers

fired

still

their

warning shots

but the truck for which I

all

sol-

directions;

waited did not come.

do not know whether

mind the

I

in

and the

I

had already made up

my

to surrender. I just sat there, vaguely waiting for

Red Cross

truck. Logically this

had nothing

to

do

&

The Apparition with

my

discovery that the Americans were in the habit

of rescuing

wounded

wounded. All

I

is

myself was not

my

now, when

that

Palompon had been

corporal had

terrifying

for I

soldiers;

can say

escaping alive from the

^

167

hope of

frustrated

disappeared),

I

(and

was be-

ginning to prepare for surrender.

After a day of fretful waiting and a night spent in thought,

my

termination.

preparedness had turned to sanguine de-

The next problem was how end

intention to the "enemy." In the classical

method of the white

possessed nothing white but these were far

flag.

my

from sparkling.

I

to

convey

I settled

my

on the

Unfortunately I

underpants, and even

could only hope that

from a distance they would be recognized

as represent-

ing a flag of surrender.

An even greater obstacle was the hundred yards of mud that separated me from the highway. If I tried to walk across, waving my ambiguous underpants, I might easily

be shot long before

seemed wider I

I

in the south,

reached the road. The marsh

made my way north along

several hours of walking, the as ever. It

My

main

the

hills.

dawn

However,

after

marsh seemed

began to rain and the

become deeper

at

and so the next day

mud

as

wide

threatened to

still.

fear

was that

I

might run into a Japanese

Fires on the Plain

^t

168

}0k

who would

soldier

prevent

me from

carrying out the

only remaining course of action that spelled survival.

my

In

first

state of

mind

such soldier

no one. When

I

I

I felt quite

met.

capable of killing the

As luck had

had walked

it,

however,

as far north as

met

I

Three-Fork

Junction, I cut across the deserted settlement and found a point that struck

was a the

as suitable for

thicket about twenty yards

mud

It

me

that I

was

seemed

would have

come

to

tree-covered

close

hill.

—

action

and mountains of the

—an

"So

action

this is

I felt like

all

where

I

struck I

tropics,

was

to

Everything

me

as

re-

was no longer nor on the

in

battle-

perform a voluntary

whose outcome was undetermined. there

an actor as

is

I

to it!" I thought to myself.

stood there waiting for

to enter that voluntarily chosen stage. I

set.

the marsh, the white road, the

The whole scene

front, but in a place

It

to cross did not look too deep.

sembling the backdrop in a theater. the fields

purpose.

from the highway and

raining as the sun began to

still

my

was struck by the

my

cue

Then once again

feeling that I

was being observed

jeep appeared along the road

and stopped before

by someone.

A

the thicket where I

puncture.

was hiding;

Two men jumped

out.

it

had evidently had a

One went

to the

back

&

The Apparition

^

169

and from where he stood, carefully examined the scene.

Once again soldier

I

was confronted with a great obstacle:

would shoot the moment he caught

From

me.

stepped

something to the soldiers in a laughing

Army

She wore a green American

Army

woman

the back of the jeep a Filipino

out, shouting

tone.

sight of

that

an automatic

gaiters;

uniform and

rested

rifle

lightly

on

her shoulder and a cartridge belt was fastened round

her waist. She cut a very gallant figure. I could see

who

her white teeth as she walked up to the soldier

was standing guard and laughed again in her carefree way. This woman-guerrilla reminded

me

who

I

was.

I

my

I

could not

that I

remembered

was the man who had

killed

an innocent

it

had by chance met some fellow

had conceived the hope of returning home

later in the course of events I

as a

I

victim in

was then

thicket;

person! Because I diers, I

my

knew

the seaside village. It was then that I

emerge from

of

means of

survival.

Yet

should contrive to save

right to live with

had

settled

this fact

my

skin, I

sol-

alive;

on surrender

remained: even

had

if

forfeited all

my fellow men.

All voluntary actions were forbidden to me.

had voluntarily robbed one human

life

I,

who

of the compul-

}0L

170

sion

whereby

Fires

?*

it lives,

on

the Plain

had condemned myself

ence based entirely on compulsion

—

to

an

exist-

the compulsion of

my death. my underpants

moving ineluctably toward I

had already fastened

I resignedly laid

occurred to

me

this

Now

to a stick.

"white flag" on the ground.

that I might at once

fulfill

my

com-

final

pulsion by emerging from the thicket and exposing self

before the

rifle

closely resembled her

Just then,

down

of this woman-guerrilla,

whom

I

had

It

my-

who

so

killed.

from another thicket about twenty yards

the road, I heard a drawn-out shout of "I surren-

der!"

A

Japanese soldier leaped forth with both hands

raised high above his

head and ran onto the highway,

again shouting: "I surrender!"

Once more

had the momentary impression

I

was the corporal. The

soldier

that

went on shouting

it

his

declaration of defeat as he ran toward the jeep; then his feet slipped

on the

mud and

There was the crack of a

more

shots as the

from the soldier

rifle

rifle,

followed by several

continued

firing relentlessly

that she held to her hips.

excitedly

tried to wrest

woman

he stumbled.

it

The American

grasped the barrel of the

rifle

from her while she screamed and

gled with her white teeth bared.

and

strug-

&

The Flame

The Japanese the

back of

his

soldier lay motionless in the

171

^

mud.

On

green shirt appeared a red spot like a

birthmark; gradually

spread over the fabric of the

it

shirt.

A

pain ripped through

who had been

occurred to me: that

through the

body, as though

it

were

I

Simultaneously a strange thought

shot.

had been observing

my was

it

me two

this Filipino

woman who

nights before as I stumbled

mud

uncannily aware that a pair of eyes

27

& THE FLAME

were on me.

&

Like some benighted traveler of old his

way along a murky path on knocking

gate, but

ing

the

gate

securely

strength exhausted

American

As

I

soldier

did so, I

—

till

receives

finally

no

fastened,

so I

who

gropes

he comes upon a

reply;

and who,

turns

back with

findhis

walked away from where the

and the Filipino woman were standing.

felt that this

was

to

be the

last of that

experience of "turning back" which I had repeated so

many

times since leaving

my

company.

^

^t

172

on

Fires

The surroundings had been ravaged by night's

bombardment. The

made by

ical holes like those

great trees

had been

were scattered

Everywhere

all

fields

the previous

were pitted with con-

ant lions; in the forest,

felled at their trunks

and branches

about.

saw bodies. Their

I

the Plain

vivid guts

and blood

shone in the sun's rain- washed beams, while on the grass their severed legs

so

many broken At

this

and arms looked

dolls.

flies

how many

Although

days

I

have the greatest

I

can confirm from the

I

must have spent wandering

about by myself after the bombardment, ably hard to

what

I

remember what

remains of

were moving.

point begins the period that

difficulty in recalling.

calendar

Only the

like the

I

I find it

remark-

did during that period and

was thinking.

To be

sure,

it

is

never possible for us to remember

the past exhaustively. Apart from the gaps formed by habit, later experiences often resemble previous ones so

closely as to blot

them

out.

As one experience

piles

up

on another, we unconsciously draw strange analogies between the past and the present. tions of experience that I I

was

It is

such accumula-

can remember from that period.

certainly living.

But

I

had no consciousness

of being alive.

Now

that

it

had become abundantly

clear to me, with

&

The Flame the

apparition

murdered, that

come my way

of

—whatever

could no longer

I

—

woman whom

Filipino

the

return to the world of

continued living simply because

I

for the

woman by whose

death

I

had

I

luck might

human

beings, I

was not dead.

longer had any misgivings; nor did

feel

I

^

173

I

any hatred

was condemned.

Even hunger presented no problems. People can

No weed was

almost anything. bitter for

from the

my

eat

too tough, no herb too

palate, so long as I could first

fact of insects

no

having nibbled at

it,

make that

sure,

was

it

not poisonous.

The

rain pelted

down, and

after

I

night under the trees the exposed parts of

had spent the

my body

were

covered with leeches that had been carried by the water.

These

delightful,

sucked

my

blood as

flat-headed, I slept,

emerald

worms,

were forthwith added

who to

my

menu. I

and

was walking at

east

toward the central mountain range

approximately right angles to the

Ormoc High-

way. Here the valleys twisted their labyrinthine course

through a maze of precipitous prehistoric age the area

the sea

hills: I

judged that in some

must have been submerged by

and subsequently had

risen again.

After I had passed monotonous successions of rivers

and plains and grass and

trees,

nature stopped showing

^

Fires on the Plain

yi

174

the

marks of bombardment and

I

no longer saw the

blood-spattered, intestine-wreathed corpses. Instead the air

became redolent with a

and by the edge of the bodies of

Some

men who had

familiar smell:

forests I

on

now began

the road

to see the

not died violent deaths.

on

the road with their heads pointing in

the direction in

which they had been walking; others

lay

had crawled

to

have a drink of water in the ditch that

bordered the road and lay there with their heads sub-

merged; others had breathed their a tree;

still

others

last

leaning against

had been shoved about haphazardly

by the force of the wind and the rain that had worked

on

their bodies since they

the emaciated forms in

while others had I

had seen

posed

still

had

died.

Some had

preserved

which death had found them,

become monstrously

swollen, like those

in the seaside village, or again

further into liquid

had decom-

and vapor, leaving only

a pile of clothed bones to announce the fact of their previous existence.

It

was strange

look at the uni-

to

forms that wrapped these transformed bodies and to see

how

successfully they

One

had survived

their

former owners.

dried-up corpse boasted a fairly decent pair of

shoes. I

removed them and put them on. Their

smell sank into I also

met

my

feet

terrible

and hands.

living people.

One day

I

saw a barefoot

&

The Flame

coming

soldier

the opposite direction.

in

^

175

He

carried

only his canteen; like me, he had neither helmet nor rifle.

way

"Is this the

to

Palompon?" he

said,

panting out

the words.

But the Americans are there and

"I expect so.

you'll

never get through."

He

sat

down

limply, as

if

by

tired.

looked him over

could see that he was dead

make

carefully to

sure that he

might need, then continued on

The the

and

fields

hills

wind came the

my

deflated

my

I

answer;

had nothing which

I

way.

were hazed by the

With

rain.

and from the

rustling of trees,

drew an opaque curtain over

the rain gradually

I

side

the

scene.

At

night

it

continued to pour in torrents.

a thick clump of leaves for in the distance across the

the rainy season, the

What

then could

brightly,

halo, as I

now if it

my

this

bed and lay down. Then fields I

saw a flame. With

had long

since disappeared.

dark

fireflies

be? The flame flickered,

dimly, and sometimes

had sunk deep

was frightened by

chose

I

it

glowed

now

like

a

heart

I,

into water.

this flame.

For in

my

too, carried a flame.

One

night

it

moved

into the field

where

I

was

lying.

^r

It

Fires on the Plain

^t

176

hurried across the marsh, where duckweed and reeds

grew rank, where no human being could possibly pass; as

approached,

it

it

about the height of a

oscillated at

paper lantern.

seemed

It

my

direction. I tensed

body. Thereupon the flame swerved to the side, and

following the line of the

rose slightly into the

hills,

and vanished.

air I

was

then

I

at

an

28

my body

my

which

just frightened;

& THE STARVING AND THE MAD

I ate plants

That

was

utter loss. First I

was angry.

&

of

my

be advancing in

to

salt. It

I

and leeches

to

my

heart's content.

could subsist on such fare was the result

was because of

my

half pint or so of salt,

licked in small quantities every day, that I

wandered over the rain-sodden

able,

as

hills,

to affirm to myself that I

I

the salt finally desperate.

gave out,

my

was

still

situation

fields

alive.

became

was and

When truly

The Starving and

For some time now

among

by the roadside:

the corpses

their buttocks.

had observed one

I

the seaside village, they

on

&

Mad

the

At

peculiarity

like the bodies in

had been divested of the

first I

flesh

had inferred by analogy

day, however, I noticed that just as the

mountainous country

this

of the rainy season, so, too,

birds

had

all

frogs,

other ani-

and the only

could hear were occasional turtledoves

I

warbled

in

listlessly

the

rare

dis-

at the advent

had almost

had seen neither snakes nor

mals. I

fireflies

that

One

they also had been devoured by dogs and birds.

appeared from

&

111

that

between the

intervals

rains.

How

then could these dead people have lost their

buttocks?

My

mind had dropped

reasoning, and notice a

body

it

was not

that

still

I

come

to

would

it

felt

happened

to

trace of living

a desire to eat

its

flesh,

could not accept the idea that cannibalism had

me

as

a natural instinct. Never,

have occurred to

way had

of the

some

I

answer dawned on me.

that the

this

one day

retained

suppleness and suddenly

Yet

until

the habit of logical

I

Medusa

me

to alleviate

not heard the story of ate

each other on their

listened to reports of cannibalism hints of the

how

same practice from

my

I

thought,

hunger in

the survivors

raft,

and

later

on Guadalcanal and

New

Guinea. Anthro-

^t

178

^1

Fires

on

the Plain

pology has, of course, clearly established that in prehistoric times people did eat

each other,

just as

primitive societies practice incest; but for us in the

tom

shadow of a long

history

who

that live

and deeply rooted cus-

impossible without an access of abhorrence to

it is

human

imagine fornicating with our mothers or eating flesh.

That

I

was now able

to

overlook such inveterate

prejudices must have been because I recognized in

human

predicament an extreme exception to the normal condition. I cannot

of

tell

whether or not

mine was natural; for

I

this

new

have forgotten what

my

desire

I really

—

the time

felt at

just as lovers forget the exact feeling

that they experienced at a certain

moment

in their in-

tercourse.

What

I

poned the this.

do remember

is

that I hesitated, that I post-

know

crucial instant. I also

Each time

I

came

round, for invariably

the reason for

new body

across a

I felt that I

I

looked

was being observed

by someone.

Who

was observing me?

woman. After her. I

.

.

all, I

It

could not be that Filipino

had not eaten

her; I

had only

killed

.

met another

living person.

From

the

way he walked

The Starving and I

could

flesh. I

tell

that there

He

"Ee-e!" as

&

Mad

still

was some

&

179

resilience in his

understood the expression in his eyes when he

stopped and looked body.

the

me up and down

also appeared to understand

An inhuman

we passed each

One day

to assess

if

my

my

expression.

sort of cry escaped his

mouth

other.

came

I

as

men who had

across a group of

pitched their tent in the forest by the side of the road.

They

sat

watching

me with

shining eyes as I passed.

"Ee-e!" This time the cry

not interested in them;

mobile people

man

—

I

came from my

was on the lookout

for fresh corpses that

still

was

for im-

retained hu-

lineaments.

One

evening

when

the rain

had stopped and the crim-

son of the sky traced the hilltops hills

side. I

—perhaps

so that I might

I

climbed one of the

more

clearly view that

crimson coloring. At the summit, leaning against a solitary tree, I Its

found a

eyes were closed.

over the western

formed shadows

Then

I

opened

hills

single, motionless

The sunrays

body.

as they

moved down

shone on the green face and

in the recesses of the cheeks

perceived that the body was alive. his eyes.

the sun. His lips

He seemed

and

chin.

The man

to be looking directly into

moved and words came

forth.

^

180

burning," he said.

"It's

really quickly!

sinking,

why

That's

He

on

Fires

f*

the sun

is

"It's

The

burning!

earth

sinking,

the Plain

Quickly

it's

turning around.

is

you know."

looked at me. There was the same gleam in his

eyes as I

had seen when the

soldier brushed past

me

with

his cry of "Ee-e!"

"Where have you come from, fellow?" he I sat

hid

down next

itself

stripes.

to him, but did not answer.

in the hill opposite,

that lined

trees

its

still

The sun

and from between the

summit the rays splashed

Only the clouds

in the sky.

said.

forth in

shone golden as they hung

For some time they illuminated the two

of us.

"The Western Paradise! Buddha one.

Two is

He

two. I join

my hands

is

Amida. One

is

in prayer."

put his hands together and on them leaned his

bearded chin. With a rustling sound the rain began

to

fall.

"Uh, uh!" he

said, lifting his face

put back his head and

let his

mouth

the raindrops. His throat rumbled. actually swallowing did the

I said, "let's

fall

leave here!"

open

to receive

Only when he was

sound of

entirely.

"Hey,"

and laughing. He

his

voice cease

The Starving and

the

&

Mad

A plane's

"Leave? There's no reason to leave.

me from Formosa.

fetch

to

They'll be landing right here I

He was

looked at him.

Don't you understand?

by helicopter."

rain,

showed him

be an

to

but he carried neither sword nor revolver.

"Uh, uh!" he kept saying. The movement of whetted

When grew

coming

in his forties. His uniform,

though discolored by sun and officer;

&

181

my

his chin

appetite.

darkness covered our hilltop he finally

the

Then

silent.

his stertorous breathing told

me

that

he was asleep. I

did not sleep.

What

first

swarms of

startled

flies

me

morning

in the

light

that covered the officer's face

were the

and hands.

With a whistling sound of "Hee-e-e," he awoke. The flies

buzzed

circled

off, as

about

a

though frightened by the sound, and foot

above

him;

they

occasionally

stopped in mid-air and the whirring of their wings be-

came

louder; then they settled on

He opened

his eyes,

swept the

him once more. flies

away, and bowed

deeply.

"Your Imperial Majesty," he intoned, "Great Emperor of Japan,

I

humbly implore you

to let

me

return

home! Airplane, come and fetch me! Land here

in

a

^

^

182

helicopter

Fires

lowering

Goodness, but

.

.

.

voice.

his

"So

it's

awfully

on

the Plain

dark," he broke

off,

not

yet

dark!

It's

morning." "Certainly

it's

morning,"

I said.

"Can't you hear the

birds singing?" It

was a

rainless

morning. The busy voices of various

came from

types of birds

from within the

the surrounding trees

forest at the

bottom of the

the opposite hills I could see forth like arrows in the spaces

"Those

On

them darting back and

between the

trees.

aren't birds," said the officer. "They're ants!

That's the buzzing of ants. You're a fool,

He

valley.

and

you know!"

grasped a handful of earth from between his knees

and stuck

it

in his

mouth. There was the smell of urine

and excrement. "Aha, aha!"

He the

As though

closed his eyes.

flies

closed in from far

this

was

their signal,

and near with a great

whirring of wings. His face, his hands, his feet

—

every

exposed part of his body was covered by swarms of

murmuring

insects.

They began

to attack

but they evidently the dying

man

my body,

made no

—was

I,

in

too. I

distinction fact,

movements did not bother them

shook

my

between

dying too?

hands,

me and

—and

in the slightest.

my

The Starving and "It hurts! It hurts!"

the

Mad

he

said.

Then from

&

183

the sound of

gathered that he had fallen

regular breathing I

his

&

asleep again.

began to pour. The rain streamed over the

It

The

body.

another. In their place, large mountain leeches

after fell

foothold and slipped off one

lost their

flies

officer's

on him from the

drops.

Some

that

moved along pletely

like

trees,

accompanying the

rain-

had landed a short distance away

the ground, folding their bodies

cankerworms

as

up com-

on

they advanced

their

prey.

"Your Imperial Majesty, Great Emperor of Japan," said the officer,

bowing and shaking

which the leeches dangled home. Let

me

like

tatters.

I

go home! Stop the war! Save

Buddha! Buddha of mercy!

ful

his

I

join

head, from

want us,

my

O

to

go

merci-

hands in

prayer."

Yet once before he died he eyes of a policeman

and

as visits patients at the

"What, are you dead, you

may

still

in

fixed

an access of

moment

here?

with the clear lucidity,

such

of their death, said:

You poor

fellow!

When

I'm

eat this."

Slowly he raised his emaciated it

me

with his other hand.

left

arm and slapped

yt

184

& I

Fires

t*

turned the

officer's

my

body onto

I

its

and

face,

canteen around the chin, dragged

along the grass to a hollow a short

Here

the Plain

^ THE HAND

29

fixing the strap of it

on

way down

the

hill.

was well concealed by grass and shrubbery; no

one could observe me.

Yet

it

was not

as easy as I

—

plan into practice

had imagined

the plan that I

had so

to put

my

glibly con-

ceived the day before on coming across this moribund

madman.

I

was obsessed by the words that he had mur-

mured before

his death.

For some reason these words,

intended as an invitation, acted instead as a ban. I rolled

at the

up the

sleeve of the officer's shirt

and stared

upper arm that he himself had indicated. Ema-

ciated though

it

was,

I

could

tell

that under

its

green

skin were hidden the well-developed muscles of a military

man.

I

remembered

hanging, which

No

I

had seen

sooner had

than the

flies

I

removed

swelled up on

away from

the body.

strained

from

in the seaside village.

it.

my hand It

skin disappear from sight. Yet self

arms,

Jesus'

was a I

from the arm relief to see the

could not tear my-

&

The Hand

When it

the rain started again the water brought with

mountain leeches, who fought the

the

on the

officer's

worms grew

body. Even as

Some

fatter.

of

could not

sit

them dangled

by watching

rubbery spheres battened on

wrenched them bodies,

off

flies

for space

watched the great sucking

I

from the lashes of the corpse's closed I

&

185

like eyelids

eyes.

idly while these black,

my

the corpse,

intended victim.

I

crushed their swollen

and sucked the blood with which they had gorged

themselves. It

I

occurred to

me

then

how

illogical

it

was

that though

could not bring myself to lay hands directly on

have no compunction in drinking his

victim, I should

blood through the this

my

medium

of other living creatures.

At

What was

the

juncture the leeches were mere tools.

difference in principle between squeezing out the leeches, as I

was now doing, and using some other instrument,

specifically I

my

bayonet, to rip open the flesh?

had already

forfeited all

killed

hope of returning

low men: having with of one

one human being and thereby

human

life,

it

my own

to the

world of

hands cut

would be

my

fel-

off the course

intolerable to

watch

other people living.

Yet the death of the body that now lay was

clearly not

my

fault,

at

my

feet

but that of the raging fever

^

186

^1

Fires

on

which had brought the madman's heart

had

that the officer's consciousness

the Plain

Now

to a stop.

he was

finally ceased,

no longer a human being. He did not

in fact,

differ,

from the vegetables and animals we normally

and

kill

eat without the slightest compunction.

What

—an

me was

lay before

a mere object

utterly unrelated to the soul that

"You may I knelt

down and began by plucking

bayonet from

make

to

Then a hand was

its

With

scabbard.

sure no one

death (a fact which

my

right

Once more

it

left

my

to

bayonet. This odd

become an ingrained

hand would spring forward of

and clasp ished. I

my

firmly grasping the wrist of

hand was

would

I

seize the wrist of the it

firmly until

became so used

drew

glanced

I

was watching me.

ever I was about to eat something that

my

hand

strange thing took place: I found that

the wrist that held left

his

must have retained some

this stage I

trace of sentimentality).

my

was the same upper arm

it

had granted me before

proves that even at

round

the leeches off

Soon a few inches of greenish skin

lay exposed. I reflected that

my

had uttered the words:

eat this."

the officer's arm.

that he

object

my

my

left

right hand,

movement habit:

of

when-

should not eat,

I

its

own

hand holding

errant appetite

to this habit that

it

accord; the fork

had van-

seemed quite

&

The Hand normal. At the time

I felt that this living left

mine actually belonged

My

was born had been

had tough skin and thick indolent

what

hand,

I

officer or this left I

joints;

but

daily tasks,

my pampered

and

my

whole body. As

to eat

gazed at

was the

dead

flesh of the

hand of mine.

my

stood there in

strange pose I once again

that I

was being watched. Until the eyes

that I

must not change

"Let not thy

I

was for some time uncertain whether

wanted

I really

As

my

in charge of

which protruded with the exertion

the metacarpal bone, left

else.

hand, long, limber, and beautiful, was the

left

most conceited part of

my

hand of

which during the thirty-odd years

right hand,

since I

of

someone

to

&

187

left

my

left

me

felt

I

knew

right

hand

position.

hand know what thy

doeth!"

The prise

voice,

when

me. After

all,

I

one was watching me. son engage It

me

came, did not particularly sur-

it

had known

Why

along that some-

should not

this

unseen per-

in conversation?

was not the primitive voice of the woman

killed.

No,

called to

it

me

was that

great,

I

I

had

hollow voice which had

in the village church.

"Arise, I say unto thee, arise!"

And

all

stood up.

it

boomed

in

my

ears.

^

188

ffll

As

I

f/r^ on

slowly

loosened

its

moved away from

grip

—

then the

finger,

first

body

the

the Plain

my

left

hand

the middle finger, then the ring

little finger,

finally the

thumb and

the

index finger together.

& I

30

THE LILIES OF THE FIELD

?£

went down the

hill.

The

had stopped and

rain

the surrounding green sparkled freshly in the sunlight.

As

I

walked through the

forest

and across the plain

I

was treading new land. Everything was looking

at

me. The

hill at

the end of

the plain gazed at me, revealing only that part of

which lay above

its

breast.

The

other in coquetry to capture of grass,

blades

trees

my

its

body

vied with each

attention.

Even

decked with raindrops, raised

the their

heads in greeting, or again, drooping their slender bodies,

turned their faces in

Now

direction.

and then the scene inclined

As

I

glad that

I

right.

my

to the left or to the

moved forward through was being looked

at.

the sunlight

I

felt

All the time vapor

The

it

my

from

rose

my

Lilies of the Field

my

hair,

body.

It

189

V*

came

like flames

from

my

\*

hands,

uniform, and trailed behind me; gradually

upward

rose, traveling

until I felt that

it

would merge

with the clouds above. Iridescent

and multiform were those clouds

rode the winds, each at

its

own

as they

altitude, seething, twist-

scudding back and forth over the dazzling blue

ing,

me and

between

came

I

the

to a valley. This valley

had seen

that I

window

hills.

it

many

The

in Japan.

was

familiar:

it

seemed

times before from a train

bordered the

line of hills that

railway line suddenly broke off and there, stretching far

back

across

it.

into the distance, lay a valley with I

had always enjoyed the

as the train

window

approached

it

I

sight of that valley;

used to look out of the

in expectation.

Yet surely the same valley could not sands of miles away in the tropics! hills its

that flanked

gently

rising

it

like gates

floor

exist here, thou-

The

me

I

naturally

could not but feel that

valley.

As

that I

was returning

been.

Then

I

I

approached

saw

it

trees

on the

and the grass that covered were

different

this

that the valley

life

was one and the same

the feeling

to a place

from

Yet for the

those in the temperate climate of Japan. of

no roads

grew within

where

I

was looking

me

had already at

me.

&

&

190

Fires

The sunbeams flooded

on the Plain

down

into the valley. Sitting

The

in the shade of the trees, I studied the vegetation.

were dry, but the long tentacles of

plants themselves

which spread over the

their roots, valley,

were washed in the noiselessly flowing water.

One top of to

—

gently, like a piece of music. It

no

color was faded; there was

"You may

me

eat

abruptly, speaking in a

was not only

sides of

my body

then that

it

had

that

left side

until

roots

woman's

and

now

was

said

flower

the

voice.

starving. I I

was about

my

found that

to

right

at cross-purposes. In fact, this time

hands, but the entire

left

and

that felt like different entities; I

was the

my right hand,

My

my

was damp and the

like!"

when once again

hands were

it

scent.

you

if

I realized that I

pluck the flower left

was an

tropical flower, something like a peony; inside,

where the pink petals were folded,

Then

the

was about

straight stalk a tightly furled corolla

its

unknown

it

At

of the plants stood out from the others.

open up

and

entire floor of the

right side of

was

my body,

right

knew

which included

starving.

understood:

it

understood that though

I

not hesitated to eat plants and bark and

leaves,

it

was in

fact

more wrong

to eat these

than dead people. For these were living things.

The

flower

still

glistened in the sunlight.

As

I

gazed

The at

of the surrounding grass receded

Now

and became dim.

from the sky flowers began

of flowers,

all

of the

to fall.

same shape and

size,

from the heavens, dropping down one

They shone in the

brightly as they

same peonylike

"Consider the toil not,

lilies

gushed forth

after the other.

converge eventually

how

of the field,

which

to

...

day

If

and

is,

much more

they grow; they

God to

so clothe the

morrow

clothe you,

cast

is

O ye of

faith?"

The

voice rose, opening up like a funnel above the

flowers;

it

seemed

above me. So

The

this

to

come from

continued to

fall,

but

I

knew

would never reach me! There was no place

within that pensile

mine

the flower-filled space

was God!

glittering flowers

that they

of

to

Great masses

plant.

into the oven, shall he not

me

fell,

neither do they spin.

grass of the field,

little

^

191

shone more and more brightly until the green

it

it,

^

Lilies of the Field

as

it

jerked

its

God

—no

for

place for this body

way between

that great Being

above and the earth below.

of

I tried to pray,

but no prayer would thrust

my

my body

mouth. For

was sundered into two

bodies.

My body

must become

itself

transfigured.

out

half-

Fires on the Plain

^t

192

f£

&

& THE FOWLS

31

OF

THE AIR One day

there

large formation of

of sky above.

was a rumbling

in the air. It

was a

bombers crossing the narrow

They forced

their

strip

way deeply through

the

blue sky, their wings spread out phoenixlike, and were

hidden

—

past

first

by one cloud, then another. They roared

yet with an illusion of slowness. Their noise filled

the heavens, echoed off the ground,

my

and

thrust itself into

ears.

As

they passed above

ing God's body.

One

me

I felt that

tardy plane

they were wound-

was dyed

half blue,

half yellow.

Again

I realized that I

was

starving.

Perhaps startled by the noise, a white heron flew up

from a treetop across the flapped

its

valley. It stretched

wings slowly, and rose skyward as

its

if

neck,

to catch

up with the bombers. Part of

my

body

—

the left-hand part

the sky with the heron. I felt that

and that

I

could no longer pray;

free to act as

it

wished.

my

—soared

into

had

me

soul

now my

left

right side

was

The Fowls of Flies

flowers

came down. They

filled

loudly.

193

&

the whole sky, as the

had done before, and zoomed

buzzing

face,

&

the Air

They were

straight for

the

my

blood of the

wounded God. I

my

stood up,

left

starvation,

to trees

ran across the shining plain. Clinging

and grasping the roots of

way

painfully

him

again, lying

up the

on

He had become which had turned terns

the valley and, sharply conscious of

were traced

hill.

And

plants, I pulled

then in the hollow

I

saw

his back.

a colossus. to a reddish

On

his

swollen limbs,

brown, light-green pat-

like tattoos; a dirty-green substance

oozed from the cracks in

his skin; his distended stom-

ach rose into two great globes, between which leather cartridge belt

was

my

formed a

boundary.

sort of

his

He

inedible.

God had

transformed him before

beloved of God.

And

I,

too, perhaps.

my .

.

arrival. .

He was

&

194

t£

Fires

& place?

if I,

too,

—why do it

am beloved of God, why am I

I lie

river bed, broiled

Will

the Plain

^ THE EYES

32

Yet

on

in this

here stretched out on an unshaded

by the sun?

never rain? The river has dried up and only

the gentle undulations of the sand between the

brown

pebbles show where once the water flowed. I

look up at the cloudless sky and a coruscating flash

of light explodes behind

Why

do the

flies

my

eyeballs. I close

at

me

settle

on

come

my

eyes.

They buzz

like this?

around

my

start to

creep about. With their great beaks they peck

head, then

at the soft parts of

my

my mouth, my ears. Why are my hands right

nor

my

feels torpid,

Now

left

—

face

my

immobile,

hand chase these

but the reason

is

my

eyes,

why flies

my

nostrils,

will neither

away?

My

must resign myself

to being eaten alive

why my hands

body

heart never again to

insects.

That

as they

swarm over my mucous membrane.

is

my

this.

eat another living creature in order that I myself live, I

and

arid cheeks

other than

have resolved in

that I

at

my

refuse to drive

may

by these

them away

— &

The Eyes

my

Just spare

The

eyes! Just leave

What

joy of sight?

me

the joy of sight!

the object that I see over

is

sun like a flower? Yes,

there, glittering in the

^

195

foot. Its five desiccated toes are

is

it

a

spread out like the toes

of a chicken's foot. It has been severed about two inches

above the ankle. In the center of the cut the bone gleams white like the

pistil

to be folded over

The ends

of a flower.

and the

beneath

flesh

of the skin

seem

ebony-black.

is

Its

swollen surface shakes and shimmers like a lotus float-

Ah,

ing on the waves.

black surface It

is

now

I

can

a cluster of jostling

looks like a

human

yes,

human

foot.

flies.

Yet why should a severed

foot suddenly appear before

was not

I

who

cut

This

it off!

see: that seething

is

my

eyes? No, no,

not his foot. His

and bloated, but the one before

me

and has the proper indentations between

The a

place,

hill,

too,

while

I,

different:

is

I

.

.

.

he

why am

its

phalanxes.

in the hollow of

lies

I

rotten

is

fairly fresh

still

is

it

here in

this

river

bed?

Who, just

Why

then, can have cut off the foot?

one foot have been washed up

like

a

fish

should

on

this

bright river bed?

No,

by the

I

do not want

to eat

it.

It is for

me

to

be eaten

flies.

Then why

is

the foot advancing in

my

direction?

^

196

}0k

Fires

Shaking, shining, laughing,

it

on

the Plain

comes over the dry earth

toward me. I

know

had when

this feeling. It is the feeling that I

do not remember the sense of

crawled as a baby.

I

muscular tension in

my

smiling face of

my

I

arms and

but only the

legs,

mother, the goal of

my

exertions, as

she seems to approach me, swaying slightly.

So now again

human

a severed

my own

of

I

—but

am

crawling

foot.

An

time toward

this

unpleasant smell, like that

Someone

approaches.

perspiration,

is

watching. I

summon up my

my body roll

over on

around.

an end and

I

watched.

I

of strength and roll

Once, twice, three times

not enough. The sand comes to

Once more round,

did not merely

Now I have are,

twice more.

imagine that

I

.

mottled rushes

.

actually seen the eyes.

between the dark

—two

.

was being

tree trunks of the

about twenty yards ahead across the

Buddha

I

reach the shade where the rushes are clus-

There they forest

side.

its

Still it is

tered together.

No,

last reserves

eyes,

gleaming

field

of

like the eyes of a

in a miniature shrine.

Not two

eyes only; for below

them

I

sharply delineated white circle, and in

can now see a its

center an-

a

&

The Eyes

^

197

—

other perfect circle, hollow and black as a cave circle of steel. It

is

the muzzle of a

Like an animal wait for a sound.

I

my

put

pebbles and sand. Yes,

human

Finally he appears.

the sound of feet carrying

being as he treads the globe.

He

pushes aside the rushes and at

down

at

a pair of drowsy eyeballs I

not the

me.

dishevelled hair, the jaundiced cheeks, the

beard that straggles

being that

It is

feet stepping stealthily over

is

it

down

stands there looking

The long

ear to the dry earth and

The sound approaches.

sound of shoes, but that of

the weight of a

rifle.

random, the

—he

is

lids that

unlike any

cover

human

have seen.

This being gives vent to words.

He

even utters

my

name. "Aren't you

Tamura?"

His voice reaches

my

ears as

if

from the other

side

of a wall. Before gathering the import of his words, I

observe

how

his

mouth moves,

irregular teeth; I look at I

might

feel

for the

to display a set of dirty,

him with

the indifference that

movements of some unfamiliar

animal.

"Aren't you I

Tamura?"

says the

mouth once more.

gaze up at him and grope in

my memory

for his

^f

^t

198

identity.

Fires

surely I have never

met

any chance be God?

become

features

his

Instead,

on

man

this old

the Plain

No,

blurred.

before!

I dismiss the possibility;

Can

by

it

God must

be much bigger. His tattered clothes

shape of a Japanese

still

retain the general color

soldier's

and

uniform.

"Nagamatsu!" I

hear myself

whom

I

met

call

33

I felt

my

of that

a coolness running up

me was

Then everything

my

my

shins

Nagamatsu's

and

re-

face.

His

head and water was splash-

He was laughing.

"Pull yourself together!" he said.

"It's

water."

snatched the canteen from his hands and drank

dry at a single draught.

eyed

soldier

^ FLESH

hands were supporting

I

young

eyes.

turned to myself. Next to

ing over me.

name

in front of the hospital.

turns dark before

^

out the

me

intently,

Still I

was

and taking from

his

thirsty.

it

Nagamatsu

haversack a black,

&

Flesh

thrust

biscuitlike object,

it

into

my mouth

&

199

without a

word.

had the

It

taste of

When

dry cardboard.

had eaten

I

several of the objects, however, I realized that

meat. I

It

was dry and hard, but with

had not experienced once

my unit; a taste of An ineffable sorrow

left

on

my

all

came a

taste that

months since

in all the

grease permeated

my

interdictions!

met a companion and received the

mouth.

No

sooner had

had begun eating without demur the

bidden

And

become slabs,

the

fantastically

meat was

weak and

I

I

benefits of his friend-

ship, than I flesh.

had

I

pierced me. So I had gone back

and

resolves

it

was

it

delicious!

had

My

for-

had

teeth

to suck at the

hard

but even as I did so I could feel that strength was

being given to me.

At

the

same time something was

being taken away.

The

and

left

right sides of

my body became

sated

and once more were joined together. I

looked questioningly at Nagamatsu,

away, answered:

"It's

who

glancing

monkey's meat."

"Monkey's?" "Yes, I shot

and put

it

Now

the other day in the forest over there

out to dry."

I studied

eyes.

it

Nagamatsu's face out of the corner of

for the

first

time

it

had dawned on

me

my that

200

IK

on the Plain

Fires

?*

the pair of eyes and the

muzzle

rifle

I

had seen through

the trees belonged to none other than him.

now and

the clear sunlight I

under

drooping

his

lids the

He

gleam of a Buddha's

like

into you.

no!

some

But you were

sort of animal!

a good thing

It's

I

I

certainly

rolling

wonder what got

recognized you so quickly.

Well, anyhow, you'd better try to stand up. Think

you can make "I don't

my

by any chance mistake

laughed loudly.

around

He

eyes.

a monkey?"

"Good Lord,

...

in

then seemed to distinguish

"Tell me," I said, "you didn't

me for

Even here

it?"

know."

put his hands under

My

feet.

Now

arms and helped

me

stomach was clogged with the meat that

had gulped down, and thrust into

my

my

that I

I felt as if

to I

a metal rod had been

body.

was standing, the

river

bed seemed much

broader.

"The

foot, the foot!" I said.

"Foot?

What

foot?"

"There's a foot right over there. the ankle.

Again

It's

I

It's

been cut

off at

rolled into the river bed."

was conscious of that stench, similar

to the

stench of the decomposed corpses in the seaside village.

&

Flesh

"It's foul,"

"Yes,

I

"Don't you

know

"Of course

not."

"It's right

&

cried, "it's unbearable!"

Nagamatsu.

pretty bad," said

it's

201

anything about

it?"

over there."

"Yes, I see.

Some

soldier

must have got

his foot shot

clean off at the ankle." I

had a moment's misgiving.

"What about your "Yasuda? Oh,

he's

Come on

to see you.

Exerting

all his

friend?" I asked.

—

He'll

right.

all let's

be very pleased

get going!"

young

strength, the

soldier helped

along.

As we threaded our way through

rushes

and approached the

forest

the

the smell

me

sparse

still

did

not abate. "Is this

where you came from

"That's right. We've got our It's

not

where

A

much

now?"

camp

I

asked him.

here in the forest.

of a camp, of course, but at least

it's

some-

to sleep."

well-trampled path led at a slight incline into the

forest.

The branches on both

to the length of firewood

current

bent

just

in

Filipino

it

settlements.

to dry, a

method

Abruptly Nagamatsu

object.

—no doubt

as a rifle

had been chopped

and hung up

down and picked up an

recognized

sides

the

With a shudder

same

rifle

I

he had

^

&

202

me

pointed at given

between the

me meat and

walk: surely

trees.

water and

contradicted

this

now he was

my

things

must take

"Have you any "Yes, I've

still

their

to

my

own

Yasuda

I don't

all

monkey

flesh I

had

course.

know how

we're going

can't

along?"

move an

say there are Americans on the

we

doubts by ques-

keep going."

"Have you been here yes.

to

got a few. I haven't been wasting any.

enough food

"Oh,

me

bullets left?" I said nonchalantly.

But when these are used up to get

helping

suspicions.

tioning Nagamatsu. Since eating the felt that

the Plain

Yet afterwards he had

lacked the courage to follow up

I

on

Fires

inch,

you

see.

They

Ormoc Highway,

but

can't possibly get that far."

"Even

if

"That

isn't

you

did,

you couldn't

what's worrying us.

get across."

We'd

hands up, as Yasuda's been planning all, if

we

stay here, we're both of us

old geezer can't do

much walking

just stick

all

done

our

along. After for.

But the

with those ulcers of

his." "It's

him

wonderful the way you've been looking after

all this

"Pooh, tobacco." "Still?"

time," I said.

I'd

be lonely by myself! Besides, he's got the

&

Flesh

"Yes, he's a tightfisted bastard,

time

monkey and bring smoke even a

The

to him.

it

^

all

right!

The only

is

when

I

fork out any of the stuff

he'll

203

The funny

thing

is

shoot a

he doesn't

puff himself."

forest gradually

became denser and the

sunlight

no longer penetrated the covering of branches. There

was a damp coolness

in the air.

Amidst the chirping of

the birds I could hear shouts of "Hey, hey, there!"

"You me.

said

see,"

When

Nagamatsu

calling

is

as bossy as ever.

in reply

as

.

.

.

Hey!" shouted

the sound of Yasuda's voice

closer.

We

pushed our way through a thicket and emerged

which was backed by the face of a

into a small clearing,

steep

Yasuda

"that's

I'm not there he's as helpless as a child. Yet

the old bastard

came

Nagamatsu,

hill.

The

earth

square hearth; on of canvas, trees, sat

it

had been dug

was burning a

to

fire.

make

Under a

whose corners had been roughly

Yasuda,

his swollen leg

still

a small, piece

fixed to four

stretched in front

of him.

His eyes protruded like a bird's; his hair and beard

had grown

at

random and had taken on a brownish

tint.

He seemed to be nonplused by my presence. "It's

Tamura," Nagamatsu

Yasuda opened

his

eyes

said. still

wider and glared at

^

204

Fires

V*

on

the Plain

companion without speaking a word. Looking

his

the latter squatted

"I'm sorry,"

down

aside,

beside him.

I said.

Yasuda had a wry look on was unexpectedly gentle "That's fine

.

.

but his voice

he answered me.

as

fine.

.

his face,

Now

tell

me how

this all

hap-

pened."

"Nagamatsu found me lying over there

in the river

bed. I'd collapsed."

"Hm. He found you, did he?

now

I've

got to the point where

by myself.

I

depend

entirely

I

I see. Well,

can't

move even an

on the meat

—

is

the

war over

"Don't be pect

Tamura

the dark just as

How

about

yet?" said

silly,"

to

inch

Nagamatsu

that

brings me. Otherwise I'd starve to death. it

Tamura,

Nagamatsu.

"How

d'you ex-

know? He's been wandering around

we

in

have."

"Hm. Got any food with you, Tamura?" I

shook

my

head.

Now

I

understood the reproachful

look that Yasuda had thrown his companion: in

camp

I

would be no more than an extra stomach.

"I haven't got a thing," I said. "I've just

on

this

grass

been

living

and mountain leeches."

Confused memories sprang up within me, memories of that vague period through which I

had passed. Could

&

Flesh

—

God be

hovering about here also

clearing? I raised

my

my hand

extended fingers

felt

in this isolated forest

to touch His great body, but

only a gentle breeze.

"Don't you even have a

my

&

205

rifle?"

Yasuda's voice reached

ears.

"No. But

do have a hand grenade."

I

"Grenade!" they shouted in unison. Surprised at this reaction, I in

my

after

No, no sign of

belt.

it!

had begun

the rains

I

felt

about for the grenade

Then

I

had slipped

haversack for safekeeping. Furtively there

it

was-

bottom of

ment

I

—bulky,

my

bag.

remembered

Yes,

it.

side

its

my

into

I felt for

heavy, lying on

About

it

that

at

to tell them, at the last

the

mo-

stopped myself. Something in their voices must

have warned me. "I suppose I've

"What a pond over land

all

gone and dropped

hell of a waste!" said

there

the fish

and

if

rifle.

I've

as

in

you can

you want." I asked.

used mine. All we've got

So long

Yasuda. "There's a

you throw a grenade

"Don't you have one either?"

"No,

it," I said.

now

is

Nagamatsu's

he can find a few monkeys to shoot,

keep going," said Yasuda and laughed playing his teeth. Like

all

we'll

noiselessly, dis-

those I had seen on the island,

they were irregular and decayed.

206

yi

Fires

V*

the Plain

^ HUMANKIND

&

34

As

the day

hearth glowed

on

was drawing

more

brightly.

to a close, the fire in the

Yasuda and Nagamatsu

each took some dried monkey sacks and placed

it

flesh

out of their haver-

on a rack above the

hearth.

took out one piece, Nagamatsu two; of the

was

Yasuda

latter,

one

my share.

"Hey,

how many

pieces does that leave us with?" said

Yasuda.

"Not very many," Nagamatsu answered. "I asked

you how many."

"What's the difference? We're sticking to our decision not to eat more than three a day, aren't we? Stop fussing

and hand over the tobacco!" "I'll

to

give

you the tobacco

have to work a

lot

all right.

But you're going

harder at that hunting of yours!

We've got an extra mouth to feed from now on, haven't we?"

Nagamatsu was seen him

fail to

was the

first

time that

I

had

answer Yasuda.

Yasuda clicked vishly.

silent. It

his tongue

and looked

at

me

pee-

&

Humankind

A

broad

mess

raw

and spat

it,

plants, I

"If

my

as I

in a

a piece each,

was

to eating

portion.

way about

Yasuda, "you're

it!"

his pocket, carefully

into the

it

form of a

purpose.

his

head with an

There was a look of

face as he observed the

"Funny

and

cigarette, using a sheet of

Then he began smoking. After each

he raised the cigarette to gratitude.

tore off a piece,

which he must have preserved carefully for

lined paper this

Accustomed

off

&

our meal was over, Nagamatsu took a tobacco

from

rolled

out.

to get the gripes," said

going just the right

leaf

it

swallowed

you want

When

bog rhubarb was cooking

Yasuda and Nagamatsu broke

tin.

chewed

leaf like a

207

thing, isn't

puff

air of reverent

satisfaction

on Yasuda's

young man smoking. it,

Tamura?

wonderful about tobacco.

I

wonder what's so

Everyone knows

poison for the system. People

who smoke

it's

are a

pure

bunch of

fools, aren't they?"

"I suppose so."

There was a peculiar I

tickling sensation in

expected Nagamatsu to offer

me

my

throat.

a puff, but instead he

finished his cigarette, collected the dirty

mess

tins,

and

disappeared into the darkness, evidently in order to

wash them Being

in a near-by spring.

left

alone face to face with Yasuda was vaguely

208

}0k

disagreeable. If

God had

doubt whether

could have stood

I

"I'm sorry," better, "It's

we'll

not been there observing me,

"When

I said.

the Plain

I

it.

can move about a

I

bit

help look for food."

I'll

all

Anyhow,

on

Fires

?*

said

right,"

the

way

be around

all

Yasuda,

"it's

things are going

quite

now,

right.

all

I don't

expect

that long!"

Nagamatsu returned with the canteens, which he had with water.

filled

"There you are," he to

Yasuda and keeping

Tamura, are you ready "What, don't we

"My "Come I

I

said, placing

all

one of them next

the other in his hand. "Well,

to turn in?"

sleep here?" I said

quarters are over there," answered Nagamatsu.

along!"

was drowsy and

felt

where

quite ready to go to sleep

was.

"I'm

all

"Come

right here," I said.

along!" insisted Nagamatsu.

"It's

just

over

there." "If

"why

he says he's

all right,"

remarked Yasuda

testily,

the hell can't he stay here?"

"Look, Tamura, you'd better

listen to

me!" said Na-

gamatsu. "Yasuda's leg gets bad at night. He'll just

keep you awake with

his groaning.

Come

on!"

&

Humankind

He

lifted

me

to

my

feet.

209

Yasuda turned over on

^ his

side.

Supported by Nagamatsu,

As soon

the darkness.

as

I

hobbled along through

we were

out of earshot,

I

asked

Nagamatsu: "What's the trouble?

Why

don't you two sleep in the

same place?" "You'll understand soon enough. this point,

you

I

was

I

can

things get to

can't even trust your best friend.

here, I've brought

because

When

trust

you along with me, haven't

you more than

I

I? That's

can Yasuda."

silent.

"About your grenade," he continued. "You'd see that tion

—

Look

Yasuda

that's the

doesn't get his hands

one thing we've

on

Ammuni-

it.

really got to

better

be careful

about!"

"You seem

to

be very sure that

I've

still

got

my

grenade, don't you?"

Nagamatsu laughed.

"If I couldn't catch

thing as simple as that, I don't

you

see

He

to

some-

I'd be!

Can't

my arm?" playfully on my haversack.

where

tapped

know where

on

I've got

Nagamatsu's "quarters" were in a hollow about forty lying.

He had

a thatched shelter of rushes supported by

bamboo

yards from the

made

hill

where Yasuda was

yi

210

^

props. In one corner teriors of gas

there

on

Fires

was a neat

pile of

the Plain

empty

tins, in-

masks, and other military paraphernalia;

was also a heavy, rough sword.

"Quite a weapon!"

I said.

monkeys up with when

"That's what I cut the

caught them. Look, here's what

I

sharpen

it

with."

I've

He

pointed to a piece of coarse natural sandstone.

"Mind you

He makes an

don't go and

tell

Yasuda about

awful fuss about that leg of

this place! his,

but

I

don't believe for a second that he can't walk. If he finds

out where I am, there's no telling what he mightn't do while I'm asleep. That's

See what

I

mean?

why

I can't

I

won't sleep where he does.

have him walking

off

with

my

or something, can I?"

rifle

"But why should he want to take your

"Oh It

rifle?"

well, you'll understand."

occurred to

me

then that

on

my

ine

what particular danger

I

should perhaps also be

guard against Nagamatsu; yet

walking and from stomach,

finally

I fell asleep at

I

could not imag-

to look for.

Exhausted from

having proper food in

once.

my

&

The Monkeys

35

V*

it

began to

rain.

Nagamatsu had

judiciously constructed his roof at a slant

dug a rain trench: so we managed "Raining,

it?"

isn't

and had

Nagamatsu,

said

"Come

on, Tamura,

let's

going to be

"Is the fire

all

"Don't worry about the

To be

be

clicking

lid,

into his

mess

stood

right?"

That's Yasuda's job."

fire.

his tent,

already busy preserving the precious

some embers

He

his

off."

when we reached

sure,

also

keep dry.

to

tongue irritably against the roof of his mouth. up.

t#

THE MONKEYS

£*

At daybreak

211

fire.

Having put

he covered them with the

tin,

leaving just enough space

Yasuda was

on top

so that they

would

not be smothered.

begun

"It's

at

raining, hasn't it?"

he

said,

glaring

up

Nagamatsu. "I

suppose

that's

"You won't be

raining.

you

.

.

.

fault!"

able to

few

"I expect a

my will

bag any monkeys,

be coming along, even

you?" if

it

is

Well, I might as well be going. Tamura,

stay here."

"I'll

will

come with you,"

I said.

^

212

£*

"No,

little

manage by myself

I'll

"You

matsu.

better,

on

Fires

still

all

Naga-

said

right,"

walk properly.

can't

the Plain

When

you're a

you can come along and help me. ... Be added under

careful," he

and stepped out

his breath,

into the rain.

Once more under

silence I felt

ill

"I'm

I

was

left

alone with Yasuda.

his piece of canvas.

The

We

sat in

rain dripped

in.

go back

to

at ease. still

sleepy," I said.

"I think

I'll

Nagamatsu's place and have a nap."

"Oh, aren't you

all

denly becoming affable.

Yasuda, sud-

right here?" said

"Why

don't

you have your nap

here? Look, there's a good dry place for you to sleep.

Lie down, I

feel

here.

make

yourself at

home! You know, Tamura,

a lot more comfortable since you've joined us

That Nagamatsu fellow has become so damned

me on

pleased with himself lately. He's got to oppose

every single thing!

He

didn't use to

be

like that. If I

hadn't been there to look after him, by lying stone

now

he'd be

dead somewhere by the side of the road.

even taught the young oaf

how

to catch

monkeys."

"Are there that many monkeys around here?" "I haven't seen a single

I

I

asked.

one myself."

"Well, there aren't such a lot," answered Yasuda. "Just enough to keep us going, that's

all.

But now with

&

The Monkeys this rain, the

damned

213

creatures probably won't

&

come out

of their lairs."

Nagamatsu

Presently

returned.

hopeless today," he said. "But the rainy season

"It's

should be just about over."

"Do you know what

date

"Yes," said Yasuda, record.

it

is?" I asked.

"I've

been keeping an exact

the tenth of February.

It's

The

rains should be

over by the end of the month." I

was astounded. The abortive attempt

through the of January:

Ormoc Highway had been since then

I

to

at the

break

beginning

must have been wandering

about by myself for over a month. Despite Yasuda's prediction, the rainy season gave

no

coming

sign of

to

an end. Nagamatsu no longer went

out to hunt and our ration of meat decreased slightly

each day.

Now we

his canvas,

sit

made our own

fire.

me

my

was quite something of

meat had given

One morning

knees.

He

with a grim expression.

me

to bring

he said one day. "Mind you don't forget of

All day long I

opposite Nagamatsu, hugging

used to look at "It

Yasuda under

but brought some kindling charcoal to Naga-

matsu's place and

would

did not bother to join

it!"

you here!"

The supply

out. it

finally

stopped raining and Naga-

^t

214

matsu went out weeks "If said,

I

on

Fires

}fk

For the

to try his luck.

walked over

to

the Plain

where Yasuda was

time in

first

lying.

he doesn't manage to catch anything today," try going

"I'll

one you said

myself.

could catch

I

—

Where's that pond

the

my hand

with

in

fish

I

grenade?"

"That was ages ago. Anyhow,

it's

miles

away some-

where. Did you say hand grenade? I thought you'd lost yours."

"As a matter of

fact, I've still

got

it

—

my

in

haver-

sack."

"Eh?" said Yasuda, looking eyes. "Well,

Come

rain.

but on,

"Hm, if it's

it's

I

took the grenade out of

a ninety-nine, set.

Yes,

it

isn't it? Let's see, I

looks as

if it's still all

did then was unexpected: as

into his haversack

in the world,

and

it?

Why

bag

it

don't

let

were the

he stuffed the grenade

back!"

back, but what does

you

wonder

tightly fastened the cord.

I said, "give it

you have

my

right."

if it

"Well, now," said Yasuda, "I don't really ting

all this

have a look."

let's

most natural thing

"Hey,"

with wide-open

to him.

it

properly

What he

me

probably got wet through in

it's

Without thinking,

and handed

at

me

it

look after

matter it

for

mind

who

let-

keeps

you? After

&

The Monkeys

never budge from here, do I? I'm in the best

I

all,

you keep

position to look after things. If get

it

you'll just

it,

wet again. That would never do, would

began to

I

^

215

"Give get wet.

feel uneasy.

back anyway,"

it

it?"

Nagamatsu

will

I said. "I'll see that

be angry

if

it

doesn't

you keep

I let

it."

"Why, did he say something?"

"He

said I shouldn't let

you have

it."

"Aha! In that case why did you give

it

to

me?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Well, that was your big mistake, wasn't late

now, though.

"Give

As

too

use crying over spilled milk!"

back, I say!"

it

I stretched

drew out

No

it? It's

out

my hand

his bayonet. I

bayonet, but

it

for Yasuda's haversack he

jumped back.

too,

I,

had a

seemed absurd for the two of us alone

here in the middle of the forest to cross swords over a single

hand grenade.

"All right," I said, "keep

you can have

it.

If

you want

But put that bayonet away

"Good. I'm glad its

it.

it

so badly,

this

minute!"

to see the intelligentsia living

reputation for getting the point quickly! Well,

really

want

to give

it

The time seemed

to

me,

to

have come for

I

up if

to

you

won't object."

the hunting grounds. Yet for a

me

moment

to set out for I hesitated.

I

^

&

216

stared at

my

on

Fires

hands.

I

the Plain

my

heard a voice: "Behold

hands

which have not worked." There was a bang

in the distance.

"He's got one!" shouted Yasuda. I

rushed out and ran through the forest in the direc-

tion of the shot. Presently I reached a spot

grew sparsely and from where

trees

A

the river bed.

human form was

where the

could see across

I

flying over

sun-

its

drenched surface! His hair was in disorder and he was

was a Japanese

barefoot. It

And

it

soldier in a green uniform.

was not Nagamatsu!

Again there was the report of a gun. The wide of

its

bullet

went

apparent mark and the crouched figure con-

tinued running.

He

ran steadily along the river bed,

and then glancing back over

his

now

shoulder. Then, evi-

dently confident that he was out of range, he gradually straightened his back and slowed pace. Finally he disappeared into a

Now

I

down

a walking

to

clump of

had seen one of the "monkeys."

trees. I

had, of

course, expected this. I

walked

originally

to the part of the river

come

across the severed foot.

the rushes the smell

Then

I

came

feet!

As

I

I

had

approached

became more and more pungent.

to a spot

But not only

bed where

where there were many

feet.

Every part of the human anatomy

&

The Monkeys that

was gastronomically

and thrown away

—hands,

feet,

useless

heads

—transformed

in

heap

in a

measure

fullest

by the baking of the sun and the saturation of the

The

t*

had been amputated

Here they lay

in this place.

217

me

great putrid mess that rose before

rain.

defies

all

efforts at description.

Yet I

if I

were to say that

should be exaggerating.

I

was shocked by the

Human

sight,

beings are capable of

new

impressions, however anomalous; at such

moments one

often views things with astonishing ob-

receiving

jectivity I

led

and

this acts as a sort of

was not surprised

me

shock absorber.

at all that here

such things should

exist.

where

Nor was

my

I in

fate

had

the least

frightened by the prospect of having to live with this

new knowledge. For

One figured.

there

was a God.

thing only was needful:

my body

must be

trans-

^

^

218

&

Fires

^

36

on the Plain

IN PRAISE OF

TRANSFIGURATION "Hey, come back here!" shouted someone. I

turned around and saw Nagamatsu standing at the

aiming

edge of the

forest,

had

a part:

to act

grenade

throw

I

his rifle at

made

I smiled.

Now

I

a pretense of grasping the

no longer possessed and

I

me.

of being about to

it.

"All right,

shouted Nagamatsu, "I under-

all right,"

stand!"

He

laughed and lowered

each other,

I

saw

I

were twitching.

said.

saw."

"You've eaten "I

As we approached

that his cheek muscles

"Did you see?" he "Yes,

his rifle.

knew

it

that," I

"He got away

—

too,

you know."

answered him. that

monkey."

"Too bad!" "I don't

know when

many monkeys Then he saw

I'll

find another.

There

passing this way," said Nagamatsu. that

my hand was

empty.

"Hey, what's happened to your grenade?"

aren't

&

In Praise of Transfiguration

219

ftf

"I haven't got it."

"You

haven't got it?" he said.

"That's right. I was only pretending I

"What's happened to

"Yasuda took

"Took

it."

it?"

from me."

from you?" said Nagamatsu, flushing

it

"You damned

lently.

when

it

had

I specially

idiot,

how

could you

vio-

him take

let

it

warned you?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"What a now.

hell of a situation! Well,

just

I'll

that's all. If I

me!"

wanted

to, I'd

how, I'm fed up with there got

know

be helped

not get rid of me?"

"If I'd

started.

can't

have to get rid of the fellow,

don't, he'll get

"Why

it

me

But

the

under

I've

way

"I don't

have done

this sort of thing.

his

.

.

Any-

That bastard over

thumb, and before

had enough now.

to the

right away.

it

.

knew

I

it,

Tell me, do

I'd

you

Ormoc road?"

remember."

"Well, anyhow, we'll get there together.

Yasuda, and when we've had our meal

I'll

we'll

finish off

go and find

the Americans. All right?" "It's

not

all

with a

jolt

what the only possible contents of the meal

could be.

that easy to surrender," I said, realizing

^

220

ftf

"Anyhow,

on

Fires

I've

that old bastard,

the Plain

had enough of being pushed around by and

that's that!

I'm certainly not going

to leave things as they are."

"Why

not just clear out?"

"That's no good. Right

I

asked him.

now I haven't any food."

"But I'm not going to surrender, you know!

go by

can

yourself. I don't feel like it."

"Don't be eating

You

silly.

You

monkey meat.

anyone going

If

aren't the only

one who's been

we keep our mouths

shut, how's

to find out?"

The method

Nagamatsu had devised

that

for killing

newly armed companion was of a cunning that belied

his

his youth.

According

to his calculations,

now

certainly try to kill us

weapon; with

"He exaggerates about use

it

perfectly well

he had laid hands on a

mind, he would by

this in

and be lying somewhere

tent

that

now have

left his

in wait for us.

that

damned

he wants

if

Yasuda would

to,"

only pretends that he can't so that

leg of his

Nagamatsu I'll

keep

—he can said.

my

"He

nose to

the grindstone!"

Cautiously

we

"The thing

to

entered the forest.

do

is

marked Nagamatsu. it

at

to

use the grenade," re-

"If I shout, he'll

me. So the minute

See?"

make him

I call out, we'll

be sure to throw run for our

lives.

&

In Praise of Transfiguration

Making a trumpet

of his hands,

^

221

Nagamatsu shouted

at

the top of his lungs: "Hey, Yasuda! I've bagged him!"

At once he turned on

We

his heels

and

ran. I followed suit.

had not made twenty yards when behind us there

was a tremendous explosion.

A

clump of small

trees

the spot

where we had been standing was flung high

the sky.

As

I

my

picked up the morsel, wiped off the

my

shoulder. I quickly dirt,

and popped

it

mouth. There could certainly be nothing wrong in

my own flesh.

eating

we

After that half the to

in

lagged behind the young man, a fragment

of the grenade tore a piece from

in

by

day

in

started to look for

Yasuda.

We

spent

an assiduous search, but he was nowhere

be found.

"Damn

it

all,"

have got to?"

No

but mixed with "I've got it!"

said

Nagamatsu, "where the

doubt hunger was

this

hell

can he

his impelling motive,

was an element of hatred.

he cried suddenly. "That's the place

all

right."

He led me "This

is

to a spring.

the only place

old bastard's bound to just sit

At

and wait

where

come

this

there's

way

any water. The

before long. We'll

for him."

the bottom of the hill

by the edge of the

gushed into the open, formed a

rivulet,

trees

water

and meandered

^t

222

Fires

V*

between the

trees.

on

the Plain

Nagamatsu dammed up

the flow with

a large stone.

We

commanded

hid ourselves on a knoll that

On

spring.

da's voice

the evening of the third day

the

we heard Yasu-

He sounded

approaching from the distance.

plaintive.

"Nagamatsu! Tamura!" he shouted. "Hey,

come on up.

.

.

out! I

.

"As

know I'm

I've got a

good

wrong, but

in the fire

going,

let's

fellows,

make

it

you know!"

far as fires go," shouted

Nagamatsu, "we've got

He blew on

the small embers he had

one here ourselves." stored in his mess

"Come on

tin.

out!" said Yasuda.

"You can have

all

my

tobacco."

"You're wasting your breath! I've had enough of your charity,

take

all

thank you. As soon as I've finished you the tobacco I

"Come you're

away.

want without waiting

you think

out! If

I've got

making a big mistake.

Come

"Damn

on,

let's

my

I've got

to

off, I'll

be invited!"

tobacco with me, it

hidden safely

be friends again!"

you, you crafty old swine!" said Nagamatsu,

grinding his teeth. Finally the voice stopped.

Now

there

was only the

sound of someone crawling through the underbrush.

&

In Praise of Transfiguration

Presently a head appeared over the top of the

For a while

the spring.

bottom of the

raised his

Yasuda's direction.

When

body moved convulsively, then lay

beyond

slid

down

to the

hill.

Nagamatsu had already rectly in

hill

stayed there motionless, then

it

body emerged and Yasuda

the whole

&

223

rifle,

he

pointing di-

fired,

Yasuda's

on the ground and

fell

still.

Nagamatsu dashed over

to

it.

With

his

bayonet he

quickly chopped through the wrists and ankles.

most horrible thing of

all

was

that I

The

had been expecting

these very actions!

approached the body. With Yasuda's cherry-red

I

flesh

before

my

eyes,

I

vomited.

My

empty stomach

brought forth only a yellowish liquid. time

If at this

glory be to I

God had

already transfigured

my

body,

God!

was seized with anger:

if

as a result of

hunger human

beings were constrained to eat each other, then this

world of ours was no more than the result of God's wrath.

And

if I

at this

who was no

moment could vomit

forth anger, then

I,

longer human, must be an angel of God, an

instrument of God's wrath. I

jumped

to

my feet,

and

as

though propelled by some

^

^

224

supernatural

Fires

spring and towards the

rifle

the Plain

up the slope above the

hurried

force,

on

with which Nagamatsu had

shot his companion.

The young man's voice followed me: "Wait a minute, Tamura! Wait a minute!

know what

I

you're going to

do."

His legs seemed to have acquired a they ran in pursuit of me, far faster than

only a pace ahead of him so carelessly

left

when

But

rifle,

do know

certainly

My

own. rifle

I

as

was

he had

which

and laughingly I

aimed

at him.

late.

do not remember whether I

reached the

red mouth

his

grasped the barrel of the

I

my

vitality

on the ground.

there

Nagamatsu opened

But he was too

I

new

I shot

him

at that

moment.

that I did not eat his flesh; this I should

have remembered.

next

memory

the distance. It

is

an image of the forest seen from

was dark,

like

a Japanese cedar wood,

and there was an insensate quality about the surroundings. It

was hateful

to

me.

Closing in on the forest, the rain began to like I

water pouring

gazed at the

25-caliber

down

rifle

rifle like

in

fall quietly,

a stained-glass window.

my

hand.

the one I

It

was a requisitioned

had had

before,

and the

Imperial chrysanthemum crest had been crossed out

\M

In Praise of Transfiguration

with a large X.

wiped

off the

I

took a cloth from

^

pocket and

raindrops that had spattered on the cover

of the breechblock. It is

my

225

here that

my memory

breaks

off.

^ EPILOGUE

£*

A Madman's I

on the

am

writing this in the

outskirts of

On

Tokyo.

dow some of the less little

Diary

room

of a mental

the lawn outside

home

my

win-

serious patients are standing about in

groups, basking in the

weak autumn

sun.

The

tall

red pines that surround the hospital glitter in the sunlight

and look down on the segregated inmates. Six years have passed since that time

My

memory, which breaks

wiping the cover of

American

field

my

on Leyte

off at the point

Island.

where

I

was

breechblock, begins again in the

hospital

Ormoc.

at

my head. my cranial

had

I

suffered

a

contusion on the back of

It

resetting operation for

fracture that brought

me back

to myself;

my power I

from then on,

of perception

had no idea how

what means of the

I

I

and

had received

orderlies, I

mountains by Filipino

I gradually

recovered

my memory.

had reached the

American

was the pain of the

hospital.

my wound

According to one

had been captured

guerrillas;

it

or by

was

in the

at that time,

no

^

228

Fires

?£

doubt, that I had been wounded. plained to

me

my

that

loss of

on

the Plain

The Army doctor

memory was a

ex-

simple case

of retrograde amnesia caused by cerebral concussion.

Apart from

My heart,

damage.

had suffered no

special

P.O.W. hospital

at

as far as the toilet.

which had caused also advanced. I

superficial

however, had undergone a functional

and for over two months

lesion,

walk

loss of hair, I

me

after

being

Tacloban,

was kept

in

to the

was unable

I

The pneumonic

be thrown out of

to

moved

to

infiltration,

my

had

unit,

an isolation ward with other

consumptive patients, and without being transferred to a general P.O.W. camp, was repatriated on a hospital ship in

March

of 1946.

From when I was I

first

had attracted the attention of the other

ward by performing a which I

patients in

my

sort of ritual at the dining table to

was assigned. They looked on

I

can see nothing shameful in

that indeed I is

admitted to the P.O.W. hospital,

have kept

me

this habit of

until this day.

by some power outside myself,

it is

as insane.

mine

—

Forced on not

my

Yet

a habit

me

as

it

responsibil-

ity.

Whenever though

I

know

full

food composed of organic matter, well that I

am

only eating in order to

my own life, I begin by apologizing to to whom this matter originally belonged.

preserve

ganism

I eat

the or-

&

Epilogue

Far from regretting

my

&

229

habit, I feel that the strange

people are those who, though they rant about love for fellow

their

about

creatures,

about their humanism

—can

magnanimity

at the

—

in

fine,

same time feed on

or-

ganic matter without the slightest self-reproach.

When one day

I

abruptly gave up

my

ritual, it

seemed immaterial whether or not

cause

it

What

interested

me now was

was be-

I practiced

my

it.

feelings

from

had experienced

since

to hide

others. I

informed no one about what

leaving

my company.

woman

of the Filipino indicted as a

I

was frightened

It

if

war criminal;

knew

they

was not that

I

that

should come to

if

that

my

my murder

light, I

also I could not

other prisoners might think of rade, even

I

tell

might be

what the

having shot a com-

he had turned cannibal.

sought to cling avidly to

life,

but sim-

ply that having once entered into this serene existence at the hospital, I terrupt

it.

no reason alive, I

had no reason

After

to die. Besides, I

had a wife

She received

me

joyous face, was

go out of

my way

to in-

people live only because they have

all,

must conform

fellows. I

to

knew

that since I

was

to the preposterous rules of

at

had changed. In general

my

home.

with delight, and

filled

still

I,

too, seeing her

with joy. Yet our relationship I

can say that the cause was

my

^

230

^1

Fires

on

the Plain

strange experiences in the Philippine mountains. True,

had done was of no account:

what

I

but

had not eaten them. The

I

memories that

now,

my wife

fact

could not share;

to use the

I

had

killed people,

remained that

it

had

I

was these memories

lame metaphor, "came between"

us.

An irrepressible desire to be alone has persisted since my return. When my wife told me the story of how during one of the air raids on in

Tokyo our house was hemmed

by flames and she was only rescued by a miracle,

tered the conventional expressions of gratification.

my amazement me was

the thought that

that she

had

would have done

mut-

I

Yet

to

really occurred to

better to die at that

time. I

did not feel like repressing and denying

thoughts. the

When,

five years after

ceremony of bowing

and once more began

my

all

my

true

resumed

return, I

in front of the dining table,

to refuse all sorts of food, I

was not

inclined to regard this behavior as strange or to give up.

Nor could

would again

I

help the fact that

stretch out to grasp

my

now my

right

hand; for

being impelled by something outside myself perhaps. Certainly, were side, I

I

not being

left

—by

moved from

it

hand I

was

God,

the out-

should never have resumed these habits.

When

one day

in

May

saw the building buried

I visited this

mental

home and

in the gentle green of the Japanese

&

Epilogue

oak

green of the Philippine

trees, so similar to the

realized that I

had come

regretted not having

side.

heart

known about

become an inmate, and

cided to

when

to the proper place

and

I

finally the

only I

de-

time came

my

wife out-

In her tear-filled eyes I could feel the weight of the

had

killed.

Am

I

I

Moreover,

But who

not he

am

I

who

am

I to

aware that

my

vided,

who

how can

whether

it

killing a

—many bodies?

wife's heart

all split

madman, know from my own beings,

worry about

killed bodies?

whole existence. That we are

man

hills, I

Then

sooner.

stood inside of the heavy doors and

I

heart?

a

it

&

231

into

not her

is

many

parts, I,

experience. Between hu-

within themselves are already so di-

there really be such a thing as love,

be love between husband and wife or between

parent and child?

Now

I

want

have things done for

to

To make me abandon one

of

me

my wishes,

just as I wish.

necessary to

it is

act as the officer in the Philippine mountains

me

the thing before I

want

it.

My

them. At the same time, no one can

It

struck

patch up on

offer

desires are extremely

few: they must be forestalled before I

do not want

and to

am

conscious of

make me do what

I

to do.

me

my

only things that

as strange that the

broken

return to Japan tended to I

did not wish to do.

life I

had

to

make me do

^

232

^t

The

Fires on the Plain

which reach me morn-

reports in the newspapers,

ing and evening even in this secluded spot, seem to be trying to force

me

into the thing that I

namely, another war. Wars small group of gentlemen

may be

who

fore leave these people aside;

want

advantageous to the

baffles

men and women who now once

other

and

direct them,

what

least of all,

me

I thereall

is

the

again seem so

anxious to be deluded by these gentlemen. Perhaps they will not

understand until they have gone through experi-

ences like those I had in the Philippine mountains; then their eyes will

But all,

I

be opened.

must not

let

my

fears

run away with me. After

the reports in the newspapers are only symptoms.

single

symptom makes a

forgotten.

sciousness cally

—

What makes symptoms

just as

on the

island

was the order

number.

pers are the

and

is

soon

take root in our con-

that they appear intermittently or periodi-

is

in the plains their

transient impression

A

If

in

fear the fires

which they appeared and

of mass-psychologists playing

my

on

the

hatred goes out to those experts.

Yet the revolutionaries who aim can contrive only the most inane

working together,

me

indeed the symptoms in the newspa-

work

public mind, then

what made

to abolish this system

policies,

and instead of

persist in their petty squabbles.

They

&

Epilogue

need not expect to see cog

as a

me

risking

my life

in the fulfillment of their plans

battlefields.

me do what

No

—any more than

I reluctantly

.

.

.

a mere farrago of nonsense.

I realize that all this is

Since

me once more

one in the future can make

hateful to me.

is

£*

at the barricades

certain gentlemen need expect to force

onto their

233

returned to this world everything has

become voluntary. Before

I

entered the war,

my

life

was

founded on individual necessity and what happened was, for

me

at least, inevitable.

posed on the it all

my

repatriation,

after I

had once been

is

My

return to Japan

was based on

present existence, being the result of

likewise based

on chance. Were

the chance of having been sent

home,

I

People seem unable to admit

life is,

spirits

my

room.

chance.

are not strong enough to stand the idea of

of infinity. is

not for

it

this principle of

being a mere succession of chances

which

my

should not even

be seeing that wooden chair in the corner of

Our

ex-

battlefield to the arbitrariness of authority,

turned to chance.

chance and

Yet

Each

—

the idea, that

of us in his individual existence,

contained between the chance of his birth and

the chance of his death, identifies those few incidents that

have arisen through what he

styles his "will";

and the

thing that emerges consistently from this he calls his

^

^t

234

Fires

"character" or again his "life." fort ourselves; there

is,

Thus we

in fact,

on

the Plain

contrive to

no other way

com-

for us to

think.

Yet perhaps mental

home

this, too, is all

heavenly bodies

—

—and day

earth

at the sun, the

after

doctor has allotted

my

engaged in

it

There

is

I

My

life in this

spent in gazing at the movements of the

is

and tidying

nonsense.

day

me

room;

it is

moon, the

stars,

the

interrupted by sleep.

My

a daily assignment of cleaning

this is

a good thing, for while

can forget the principle of chance.

I

am

.

.

.

a certain irony in the fact that the attendants

here are mostly orderlies from the defunct Japanese

Army. the

way

makes and

I find it

in

pleasant to recall their past careers from

which they occasionally

for a certain

my life on

bond between

strike the patients:

my

present existence

the front.

The method

(if

indeed one exists) of transforming

into necessity the chance that dominates

probably

it

lies in

my

present

finding the link between this

that past in

which chance was forced on

It is for this

reason that

I

me by

am writing these notes.

life

life

and

authority.

&

Epilogue

Once More

£*

on the Plain

to the Fires

was on the recommendation of

It

235

my

doctor that

began writing. Apparently he considered

originally

it

I

a

suitable extension of his free-association treatment to

me

have

on

rely

write

his

down my own

duty of professional secrecy,

cord the experiences

At

events,

all

past. Feeling that I

had

I

I

could

decided to re-

no one.

until then revealed to

some of these must already have leaked

my

out in the course of the amytal interviews to which doctor had subjected me, and

know

the details

I felt

him

inclined to let

—not that he could be expected

to un-

derstand most of what I was saying.

This doctor of mine

than

I.

He

is

is

a fool.

constantly sniffing

tivorous nose.

He

is

totally

patriation I did research

He

is five

years younger

up mucus

into his insec-

unaware that

on

the

symptoms of

phrenia and retrograde amnesia and that institution of

chiatry

is

my own

my

after

free will. His

I

re-

schizo-

came

to this

knowledge of psy-

on approximately the same

level as

mine of

theology.

By ficial

my

applying various tentative methods, such as hibernation and shock treatment, he cured

arti-

me

of

habit of rejecting food, thus subtracting one source of

^t

236

^1

Fires

inconvenience from

am

everyday

life;

the Plain

for this at least I

grateful to him.

The money allow

me

alone

I

received from selling

room.

I

house seems to

my wife.

refuse to have a nurse in

I offered

surprise she accepted

my

A

it.

interest in

my

this

peace-

my

room,

wife a divorce and to

my

sort of sentimental under-

standing arose between her and

common

my

bury myself for the time being in

to

ful private let

my

on

illness,

my

and

doctor out of their

as I

sit

here I

am

well

aware that though she has stopped coming to see me, she

still visits

that forest of red pine trees in front of the

hospital to engage in

amorous encounters with the doc-

tor.

I don't care. Just as all

are whores.

The

Each

.

.

.

breaks

It's

my

It

to his nature.

up to the point where

reads just like a novel, you know.

your memories," he adds

got a good idea that this

your

women

a shame that shock of yours blocked out the

last part of

to

notes

all

Chuckling fulsomely, he says:

off.

very well written.

are cannibals,

must act according

doctor has read

my memory "It's

of us

men

illness.

.

.

is

just

after a while.

where we'd

"We've

find the clue

."

Assuredly that forgotten period remains within like

a bright streak in the darkness.

spotlight of

my memory

me

I try to direct the

into the past, but as soon as

it

&

Epilogue

reaches the

moment

of the rain-spattered breechblock,

undergoes, so to speak, a total reflection and trate

no

further. Yes, perhaps

istence

my

with

starts

again

field hospital that

my

which can join

find the link

can pene-

I

my memory

on the operating table of the American

may

it

in the ten-day period

it is

between that moment and when

I

^

237

present ex-

memories from the Philippine

past

mountains. In the absence of any I

memory images from unknown

resolve to enter that

the period,

by means of

territory

deliberate reasoning; for reason, too, can be effective in the process of recollection.

Having

fixed

me

with his eyes, in which

who

the self-satisfied expression of one

I

can detect

believes that he

understands another's mental condition, the doctor nods

and leaves I sit

my

down on

room.

go out by myself into the garden.

I

a bench and observe

how

of the October sun cover the pines,

the long shadows

how

they

fall

onto

the yellowish green of the lawn, bringing into relief a

host of purple speckles; and

my

by

me

mind, newly stimulated

conversation with the doctor, starts to spin the

thread of reasoning. It

my

was

in the

—

.

Ormoc

or so at least

the last place I

.

it

.

area that the guerrillas captured

was

remember

stated is

on

my P.O.W.

tag.

Yet

a mountain forest at some

^

238

^f

Fires on the Plain

considerable distance from the guerrilla country by the coast.

So

could

I

must have walked. But with what aim

I

mind

have walked?

Since the night following

woman, when as the cause of

my murder

of the Filipino

had thrown away the weapon

I

my crime,

this

was the

deliberately grasped a rifle in rifle

in

my

first

hands.

regarded

I

time that I

I

had

had kept the

even after killing that cannibal Nagamatsu; from

this fact I

can assume that

my period

of oblivion.

Was

I

continued to carry

this

not a sign that

it

I

during

was

still

resolved to represent God's wrath?

But no, there

is

no such thing

as

God. His

an ex-

is

istence so tenuous that

it

depends entirely on people's

disposition to believe in

it.

The

under the

The

question

was

I really

illusion that I represented divine anger?

me

entwined with that

Whether they were

bonfires to dispose

idea of Filipinos was for

of prairie

is:

fires.

of waste husks, or grass being burnt to encourage the

growth of new pasturage, or smoke signals to inform distant

comrades of the presence of us Japanese

sol-

my mind, as I roamed about by myself after being separated from my unit, a causal relationship between these fires and the Filipinos whom I imagined

diers, there

was

in

crouching beneath them.

— &

Epilogue

Is

it

may

possible that I

again have seen a

239

fire in

£*

those

plains?

Deep I

seem

in

my ears

—

or

is it

in the

bottom of

to hear a muffled sound, as of

rapid succession. Their drawn-out roll

my heart?

drums beating falls

on the

in

ever-

lengthening shadow of the red pines in front of me;

on the image of the

falls

prairie fires,

which

of the Philippines followed ever ahead of

Now

my

footsteps.

I feel that countless prairie fires

are rising invisibly into the is

prairie fires.

There

is

that reflection alone

return to

now

air. I feel

that

my

gray period

dotted sporadically with the reflection of

of oblivion

even

in the solitude

here on the level Musashi Plain that stretches

out round the hospital,

I

it

my

no concomitant sensation or thought; a living

is

room.

I

have

reality.

my

the rapid tattoo of

finally I recall the entire

memory. No, not the notes perhaps

it

supper and go to bed:

drums continues. Then

period that has lapsed from

my

entire period; but as I write these

will all

come back.

240

^t

Fires on the Plain

t*

A Dead Maybe

Man's Writings

this, too, is

my

all

experience

—and who can

self.

.

say that

can believe no one

I

is itself

am

I

else, I still

can-

a type of

have

faith in

my-

.

.

its

I

not alive? Even

A great fire rises furiously in the plain and I see

Yet

illusion.

feelings. Recollection

not doubt

though

nothing but

tongues of flame. There

is

another

curved like a hook;

tentative, its top

needle of a magnet and I feel that

it

at the

fire

base

—narrow,

quivers like the

it

can change

its

shape

at will.

Strangely enough, the image of these

fires

do not know whether

it

the image of combustibles. I

is

under the hooked smoke or under the

that I see like

an

smoke

it,

but

anthill.

—

I

top of the

pile,

it

flame-filled fire

can picture burning chaff piled high

The

the smoke,

brings with

fire

itself

which

coils

moving with

I

do not

round

difficulty

see,

like

from

only the

steam

its

at the

source and

seemingly reluctant to be scattered by the wind, draws itself

together into a compact bundle, and rises into the

sky, as

again

though

I see the

it

had some destination

in mid-air.

Then

spot where the plain has been scorched.

Like a shadow moving along the bottom of water, the

smoke crawls along over the

black, newly burned stubble

Epilogue

and threads

its

way low between

which has escaped the

The ing I

prairie fires are

and

fire

shaped

approach their base;

must therefore belong

my mind

my

still

stands erect.

like those I

to

same

fire.

saw

after leav-

earlier occasions did

present image of combustibles

to the period of oblivion.

the scorched grass and the burning chaff

are intimately connected, almost as the

V*

the roots of the grass,

my company. Yet on none of the

In

241

V*

if

they belonged to

Surely the fact that they adhere so closely

each other in

my

consciousness proves that they were

close also in point of time.

Yes, to

must have seen the smoke and thereupon

I

walk toward

But

to

started

it.

what purpose? This

my mind becomes that I walked, a

I

cannot remember. Again

a blank sheet. Yet from

new image

my

deduction

rises to the surface of

my

mind. It is

the

once more the image of myself walking between

hills

and the

plains with a

rifle

on

my

shoulder.

My

green uniform has faded to a light brown and there are holes in the sleeves

and shoulders. The

figure

is

barefoot.

Yes, from the indentations of his emaciated neck as he

walks a few paces ahead of me, tainly

I,

First-Class Private

But then who can be

I

can

tell

that this

is

cer-

Tamura.

this "I"

who

is

now

looking at the

^

^

242

Fires

figure? It also

After

is I.

The surrounding der water. These to

is

the Plain

to say that "I" cannot

two people?

consist of

seem

who

all,

on

nature

hills

and

soundless, as

is

trees

if it

were un-

and stones and grass

have floated down through the

lofty space to set-

here at the bottom of nature. High in the heavens

tle

created

it all;

deigned to have vertically to

He

then

its

it

let it

sink

human

My

gait

God

am on my way

faces

as

God

it

for sinking

resting

rifle

though

I

Where am

am on my way

on

were a I

my

stran-

going?

to the prairie fires, to the place

the Filipinos live. I

humans

my

unruffled, as

is

granted

driven by somber passions, walk

ger to such a thing as starvation. I

descended

further.

space with

this eternal

shoulder.

it

a motionless form which has

is

and which now can sink no

through

as

He

present position.

already used up the time that

a haughty

God

to the bottom.

body

pierce that great

The surrounding nature

I,

down

all

where

to chastise all those

they crawl sideways over the globe that

—

vertically

those

humans who

give pain to

God. But

Why all

is

if I

am an

angel of God,

this heart of

why am

mine, which should

I

now be

earthly attachments, so full of uneasiness

must make no mistake.

.

.

.

so grieved? free of

and fear?

I

&

Epilogue

From

the

sea plant,

it

the prairie

hill rises

fire.

Swaying

the sun dwell? Like

God,

The

water.

on the

fire

the summit,

bows under

hilltop

too,

it,

above that sky, even above the water that grass

like

V*

some

rises higher, higher, still higher.

Where does

The

243

fills

must be

the space.

the flow of the

faces the low, black forest that encircles

and

it

flies

as

escaping from some pur-

if

suer.

He

is

there

top. I fire

slope,

my

—

human

yes, a

rifle. I

and when he

miss.

is

being

He

out of

is

there

on the

runs crouching

my

down

others, also.

above the swaying

They approach.

The

grass.

Now

the

range he straightens his

back with assurance and disappears briskly into a There are

hill-

forest.

tops of their bodies emerge

One, two, three people

crouching,

after another like robots, they

.

.

.

now bobbing up one

approach

me

over the

swaying grass with their dark, featureless faces. No,

I

must no longer make any mistakes.

Where

Now

is

—

the fire has come. It approaches quickly

senseless fire its

the sun?

—burning

neck raised and

its

the grass that surrounds me.

mouth open,

the

fire

that

With

draws near.

Behind the smoke, the human beings are laughing as ever. It is

nothing serious, nothing serious.

^

244

^1

my

myself quietly raising

I see

chrysanthemum

crossed-out

from below

this

A numb

—my

with

its

supports

it

rifle

What

crest.

moment

I feel

my head. my body.

a blow on the back of

sensation spreads to the extremities of

So the matter

my body

the part of

most proud.

Yes, of course, I had forgotten is

settled.

What

I

the day I entered this hospital it

rifle

my beautiful left hand,

is

am

of which I

At

Fires on the Plain

—

this is

when

was

I

hit.

have hoped for ever since is

death

—and now

at last

has come.

But why then do them,

I

subsist?

Although

I

cannot see

can be seen by them and they can handle

They can

as they wish.

and

I

reset

my

lay

me on

fractured skull

me

just

their operating table

and do whatever

else they

please. I

had thought

ness ceased. I

that

when people died

was mistaken. Things do not come

end even with one's death.

men.

I call out:

even as far as

their conscious-

I

must

"I'm alive!" But

tell this

my

to

my

to an

fellow

voice does not reach

my own ears.

Albeit that they are voiceless, dead people continue to live.

There

is

no such thing

as individual death.

a universal event. Even after to be permanently

we

die,

awake and day

we

after

Death

is

are constrained

day to continue

&

Epilogue

making

decisions. I should let all

but

too

it is

On

late.

mankind know

of this;

.

sway

the deserted plain the grass continues to

me

round about

when

.

.

I

was

I

saw

In the dark sky the sun glows

still

with that same eternal motion

alive.

darker, like obsidian. But

Through

&

245

it is

too

late.

.

.

.

the grass the people approach.

They seem

to

glide forward, sweeping aside the tall grass with their feet.

They

world as

who now

are the people

the people I have killed

I,

—

inhabit the

the Filipino

same

woman,

Yasuda, Nagamatsu.

The dead people laughter,

At

are laughing. If this

how awesome

this

moment

a thing

reaches to the base of

ing. It is

I

I

them, to be sure, but

I

know now why they are laugh-

have not eaten them. I

have not eaten them.

was assuredly because of

them. This

is

why

my body from pierces my skull and

brain.

because of war, God, chance it

it is!

slowly

it

my

understand.

because

indeed celestial

a painful joy enters

above. Like a long nail,

Suddenly

is

—

have

killed

I killed

them

I

forces outside myself; but

my own will that I

in their

company

I

did not eat

can now gaze

at

that dark sun in this country of the dead.

Yet perhaps while

I

was

still

alive as a fallen angel

^

^

246

armed with a

men

as a

sire,

when

on

Fires

did really aspire to eat

rifle I

means of chastisement. Perhaps saw those

I

the Plain

fires in

my

who must be beneath

precisely to

aspiration.

If,

at the very

through

my

pride, I

by that unknown If,

moment

because

I

he

who

assailant

If this If

this

.

struck

.

.

.

my

head

.

me

advance

in

me was

me

.

man who on

the

flesh to relieve

my

that great his

own

to

.

.

transfiguration of Christ Himself

He had indeed

Then

to fall into sin

.

was a

mountain

was about

them, was

was beloved of God, He vouchsafed

crimson hilltop offered starvation

secret de-

was struck on the back of

prepare this blow for If

I

fellow

the plain and set out in

search of the people fulfill this

my

for

my

field in the

glory be to God.

sake alone been sent

Philippines

.

.

.

.

down

.

.

to

A

NOTE ON THE AUTHOR Shohei Ooka (pronounced "Oh-ka") was born 1909.

He

specialized in French at

graduated

in

1932, after which he

Kyoto

made

a

Tokyo

in

University,

name

as a translator

of French literature. In 1944 he joined the Japanese

and was taken prisoner

in the Philippine defeat of

1953-4 he was a Fulbright versity,

and

in

and was

Army,

1945. In

Visiting Professor at Yale Uni-

at present lectures

on French

literature at Meiji

University in Tokyo.

He

is

the author of a

and of two

novels,

on the plain

(1952).

critical essays to

war

Prize in 1949 for his this one.

record of a pow

He

(1948),

has contributed short stories and

almost every literary magazine

and has been awarded two 1952 for

diary,

the lady of musashino (1950) and fires

first

literary prizes: the

in Japan,

Yokomitsu

book, and the Yomiuri Prize in

US$12.95

Literature

Winner of the Yomiuri Literary Prize about the ultimate degradation and

This haunting novel isolation of a

man by war

is

generally regarded as one of

the most important war novels of our time. The book in

Leyte, where the Japanese army

the

hammer blows

another, that of a single

is

being, Private Tamura. is

set

of the American landings. Within this

larger disintegration

ety

is

disintegrating under

is

One by

human

one, each of his ties to soci-

destroyed until Tamura, a sensitive and intelligent

man, becomes an outcast.

Almost devoid of the still in

he hears of a port

will to survive,

Japanese hands, and struggles to walk through the

American

lines.

Danger means

the lack of anything to carry a sanity.

to him; often death

little

would come welcomed. Worst of

all

the lack of hope,

is

man through

to safety or

Subject to hallucinations, Tamura comes to fancy

God

himself an angel enjoined by

but even angels

Tamura

is

to eat no living thing,

fall.

never

less

than human, even when driven to

the ultimate sin against humanity. The sequences that deal

with this transgression are

among

the most terrible, the

most moving, and the most passionate ing as the lies in its

outward events

are,

in

the book. Shock-

the greatness of the novel

uplifting vision during a time of ultimate horror.

Shohei Ooka (1909-88) was the author of essays, short stories, in

and novels. While serving with the Japanese army

the Philippines

in

1945, he was taken prisoner by Ameri-

can forces, experiences that figure prominently

in Fires

on

the Plain.

i

23250301

ffi TUTTLE

POUELLS ,

®

.1/1

LIT-n

9

ISBN 0-flOMA-137T-5

I