Crushing the IT Gender Bias: Thriving as a Woman in Technology [1 ed.] 1484244141, 978-1484244142

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias Thriving as a Woman in Technology — Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman

CRUSHING THE IT GENDER BIAS THRIVING AS A WOMAN IN TECHNOLOGY

Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman

Crushing the IT Gender Bias: Thriving as a Woman in Technology Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman Westminster, CO, USA ISBN-13 (pbk): 978-1-4842-4414-2 https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9

ISBN-13 (electronic): 978-1-4842-4415-9

Copyright © 2019 by Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman This work is subject to copyright. All rights are reserved by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. Trademarked names, logos, and images may appear in this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every occurrence of a trademarked name, logo, or image, we use the names, logos, and images only in an editorial fashion and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark. The use in this publication of trade names, trademarks, service marks, and similar terms, even if they are not identified as such, is not to be taken as an expression of opinion as to whether or not they are subject to proprietary rights. While the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication, neither the authors nor the editors nor the publisher can accept any legal responsibility for any errors or omissions that may be made. The publisher makes no warranty, express or implied, with respect to the material contained herein. Managing Director: Welmoed Spahr Acquisitions Editor: Jonathan Gennick Development Editor: Laura Berendson Coordinating Editor: Jill Balzano Cover design by eStudioCalamar Distributed to the book trade worldwide by Springer Science+Business Media New York, 233 Spring Street, 6th Floor, New York, NY 10013. Phone 1-800-SPRINGER, fax (201) 348-4505, e-mail [email protected], or visit www.springeronline.com. Apress Media, LLC is a California LLC and the sole member (owner) is Springer Science + Business Media Finance Inc (SSBM Finance Inc). SSBM Finance Inc is a Delaware corporation. For information on translations, please e-mail [email protected], or visit http://www. apress.com/rights-permissions. Apress titles may be purchased in bulk for academic, corporate, or promotional use. eBook versions and licenses are also available for most titles. For more information, reference our Print and eBook Bulk Sales web page at http://www.apress.com/bulk-sales. Any source code or other supplementary material referenced by the author in this book is available to readers on GitHub via the book’s product page, located at www.apress.com/ 9781484244142. For more detailed information, please visit http://www.apress.com/ source-code. Printed on acid-free paper

This book is dedicated to the next generation of technology. May you look like the world and shape it to serve more of the world we live in. I also dedicate the time it took to write, my energy, and my heart that went into this book to my children—they are the reason I do everything in this world and are my legacy.

Contents About the Author ����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� vii Acknowledgments������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ix Introduction����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������xi Chapter 1:

The Numbers Behind the Stories������������������������������������������ 1

Chapter 2: The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology�������������������������������������������������������������������������������15 Chapter 3:

Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes �����������������31

Chapter 4:

Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path �����������������������������65

Chapter 5:

How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship�������������������87

Chapter 6:

Moving at the Speed of Light�������������������������������������������������107

Chapter 7:

Stories from the Trenches�����������������������������������������������������127

Chapter 8:

Closure and New Beginning �������������������������������������������������153

Index�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������173

About the Author Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman has over two decades of technical experience and has worked for small startups as well as large companies, including Oracle and Microsoft. Kellyn is one of the most recognized women in technology in the database community and presents on deep technical topics at database, DevOps, big data, and development events. Her social media presentations and written material are well respected for her thought leadership and technical content. She is the author of four technical books and has published books and articles around diversity and inclusion. She is also a longterm mentor and sponsor of women in both the database and development communities.

Acknowledgments I’d like to thank my wonderful husband,Tim Gorman, for his immense support and love. Having a partner who truly values equality in a marriage makes an incredible difference in this world. Tim, you are my partner in this trip we call life, love, and in tech. I couldn’t ask for a better person to share this journey with. I also want to thank Microsoft for demonstrating no matter how many challenges there are for diversity and inclusion, they are proof that small and real changes can make a difference. As I had started to realize that change needed to be done with those around me and no way could I change the world, Microsoft has chosen to focus on what they could change inside the company and it shows. Now that I’ve been employed with Microsoft a year and after 20 years in the industry, I’m working on a team with more than two women. It’s the first time in over 15 years. In a team of five, three are women, and two of us are in deeply technical roles. Microsoft is the one company I’ve experienced where diversity and inclusion are a higher priority everyday and part of every goal. It’s not just a check in a box. This policy to change the status quo in tech and a dedication to making a difference can bring, even for a war-worn, battle maiden like me, peace and harmony.

Introduction When my career first began, I was on a team of five women Database Administrators (DBAs). Within 9 months, one of the five who was hired at the same time as I was left the industry. She was young, single, had a degree in Computer Science (CS) with a focus on database technology, and had no children. I had difficulty understanding how I, a divorced mother of three, with a young baby and no CS degree, would make it if she couldn’t. Over the next 6 years, I was too busy with my own career and raising children to notice that I’d gone from an all-female DBA team to the lone woman on the team. As my career continued to advance, my traditional idea that women were Database Administrators and men were in networking and server administration changed to a point where the cultural norm that men were in IT and women were a rarity in the industry became the reality around me. It wasn’t until an unsettling situation experienced by a peer forced me to examine what the real culprit was, and I discovered most policies around discrimination and harassment were rarely capable of deterring from gender bias impacting diversity. I felt the need to speak out, but it was clear that I needed to begin research to understand it all. Bias is a complex biological mechanism that developed historically as part of heuristics and is built out of experiences and cultural upbringing. Historically, heuristic traits are built to protect us from consuming plants that look similar to those we already know are poisonous or avoid similar environment situations that previously put us in danger. We learn by experience and example, but to do so, a human will simplify and categorize their surroundings to ease the demand for deep investigation of safety concerns. To give you a less dangerous example of how heuristics works, if I were to give you a lime, you expect to be handed a small, round, green citrus. If instead you were offered a red, fingerling lime, a bananashaped minority of the lime family originally from Australia, a percentage of people will have great difficulty accepting the fact that it’s a lime. It doesn’t fit within their expectation of a what a lime looks like. This protective process that bias sources from has a significant purpose though, as it is used to identify environmental dangers, such as poisonous foods and physical threats, will also arise in this benign situation, resulting in a percentage of individuals rejecting the lime that doesn’t meet their expected criteria. We are all subject to heuristics, both men and women, although some personality types are more dependent upon their heuristic tendencies. They don’t like to be outside their comfort zone, breaking with tradition or open to change.

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Introduction The overall goal of this book is If we don’t know there’s a problem, how can we fix it? As our use of heuristics is with a protective measure, it can be unconscious, and as part of bias is built off of culture and upbringing, heuristics can be integrated into our society seamlessly. A second goal of this book is to share with women in the industry insight, knowledge, and support to help them succeed. My own journey has led me to realize how difficult culture and bias are to address, let alone change, but with change can come great growth and benefits for everyone. Without this change, the tech industry’s growth is stunted; it’s unable to evolve and develop to its full potential. The products produced by a nondiverse technical industry will be limited in the ability to fulfill the needs of the customers they’re expected to represent.

CHAPTER

1 The Numbers Behind the Stories A fact is a piece of information backed by evidence and data, unlike an opinion, which is based on personal experience and views. As bias is sourced from a person’s experiences and point of view, it is only natural that some readers may doubt its existence. This chapter will include experiences, as well as the data behind them, to help us along on our journey.

My Realization of Bias After I’d been in the industry for a decade, I had one of the last opportunities to work with a female peer, who we’ll call “Ann.” Ann had been my lead DBA back in 2004, and I had a great respect for her technical skills, as well as her capabilities as a leader. After I’d been a witness to her previous year filled with challenges and confusing management decisions, she was forced to leave the company we were employed at. A conflict had arisen between her and a male peer, “George,” and continued to escalate without relief from management or HR until she finally resigned. I felt helpless on how to assist her as I was friends with both individuals involved and had recommended both to their roles which lead to their employment at the company. I knew, without a doubt, I was observing George’s insecurities around Ann’s natural leadership skills. © Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_1

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Chapter 1 | The Numbers Behind the Stories A database administrator’s job is often high stress, and the company we worked for was more so than the average due to the demands. When disaster struck, Ann was calm and thoughtful, while George, no matter how technically skilled, was short-tempered and tended to lash out at others around him. As frustrated as I was with George’s behavior, I was more frustrated with the management who couldn’t see Ann’s leadership skills and had promoted George over her just a month after hiring them both. When I’d made my recommendation to hire them, I’d clearly recommended Ann for the lead role and George to take on the demand of duties, as he was what I deemed, “a workhorse” (a role I relate myself to, so it’s easy for me to recognize the type). As the situation between Ann and George degraded, Human Resources had little ability to manage the situation, and Ann left the company, retiring from the technical world shortly after. I took Ann’s departure hard as I attempted to decipher how I could have helped more. I departed the company in the coming months, losing both two peers and losing one friend. I lost Ann as a peer because I felt I had let her down, and I lost George as both because I wasn’t sure who had let all of us down. I soon after reached out to Ann and asked her to lunch. Upon our first meeting, the reasons she gave for leaving technology appeared valid, but the way she spoke, the sadness in her voice, and from my own knowledge of what she went through told me there was a lot more to it. Ann was first hesitant to say more, but as I stressed, I was conflicted about what had happened; she seemed to feel relieved to have someone to confide in. I admitted that I had my own failure in helping her with what transpired, uncertain of how I could have better supported her at our previous company. I continued to speak with her at length, and in numerous conversations during the next few months, she described decades of frustrations and small, consistent challenges that had hindered her career. None of the situations were outright discrimination but were clear bias that were difficult to pin down. She’d attempted to address it but repeatedly found she failed miserably due to the gray area these situations fell into, and the more she confided in me, the more I realized I’d experienced many of the same challenges myself. Like Ann, I hadn’t identified them as being gender related but simply thought it was something only I was experiencing. At this stage in my career, bias was a term used rarely, if ever, and here we were voicing what so many other women were silently cursing.

The Disappearance of Female Peers My experience with Ann happened in 2011 and two years before Sheryl Sandberg published her successful book Lean In. There was significant little being published about the challenges of women in technology in print or on the Web. As I discovered more and more women at risk, I started to take a

Crushing the IT Gender Bias deeper look into the challenges to understand the source of bias in our world. At this time and in my own professional circle, I’d worked with over 50 men and 13 women as Database Administrators (DBA). With some quick research (Figure 1-1), I discovered that one of my previous male peers had left the database administration industry, having retired, but for the women, there was a drastic difference. Eight of the thirteen women I’d worked with had left the technical industry. Three had retired but retired early (in their 50s), while the rest had left to pursue different industries, often with more diversity. These were intriguing numbers, and I realized I needed to dig in and understand why.

Peer History in the Industry 60 50 40 30 20 10 0 Men

Women Still in the industry

Left the industry

Figure 1-1.  Peer history in the industry and the disappearance of female peers in my database career

My natural curiosity makes me an acute observer, but even your own bias can put blinders on you. I suddenly faced this truth, realizing that my own bias had been present since my first job as a Database Administrator. I’d been hired, along with another woman, “Debbie,” as a DBA, but neither of us had previous experience. Debbie had just graduated with a Computer Science (CS) degree specializing in database technology. She was single and didn’t have any children, while I was married with three children, including a newborn, and I possessed no degree or certification in database technology. While she seemed to quickly acclimate with years of formal education, I was surviving on my natural knack and intelligence, in hopes no one would notice how little knowledge I possessed about databases. Debbie had skills, and I was the one “faking it until you make it.”

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Chapter 1 | The Numbers Behind the Stories Nine months into our employment, Debbie came to me and said, “Kellyn, I’m a black woman working in technology. It’s just not working, and I’ve decided to go over to the project management team.” Although surprised, I understood why she was leaving. We had poor leadership for our team, while the project management team was led by an incredibly gifted woman who was a natural leader. I remember thinking to myself,“If she can’t make it with all this going for her, how the heck am I going to?” I accepted why she was leaving from a high level but didn’t correlate how much the impact of bias, women in technology, and diversity was part of the equation. My own bias told me that it was just her unique decision and my own white privilege or similar challenges had nothing to do with my own successes and failures.

Power in Numbers The numbers (Figure 1-2) show how people of color are some of the least found in technology. Undistinguishing by gender, blacks only make up less than 3% of tech positions, while Hispanics make up less than 5%.1 The National Science Foundation calculated data on people who were employed in fields outside their tech degree (or unemployed with a technical degree) and found that the percentage of men and women of color were much higher than for white men. 2

Figure 1-2.  Underutilization of people in color in the technical industry

“Delivering Growth through Diversity,” McKinsey, January, 2018, https:// www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/organization/our-insights/ delivering-through-diversity. 2 National Science Foundation Report, S&E Indicators, 2018, https:// www.nsf.gov/statistics/2018/nsb20181/report/sections/ science-and-engineering-labor-force/s-e-labor-market-conditions. 1

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Many of us in the technical community have already noticed the lacking diversity, not just how few women there were in the industry. As I began to present at technical events, I noted how the few people of color would connect and that no matter the strength of initiatives for Diversity and Inclusion appeared to be, the ability to break through and have a true representation from people of color hasn’t occurred. The challenge may partly lie in economics and how we fund schools (Figure 1-3). Along with increased risk of poverty for people of color, schools are funded based on property taxes for a local district. If a student is already in a low-income family and belongs to a district that’s low income, the school district will receive less funds in the way of local business and property taxes toward per student education expenditures than a district that has a larger influx of tax dollars.

Figure 1-3.  Spending per student, by school district in the United States

Adding to the challenge are the limited resources schools have and how education is focused vs. the workforce (Figure 1-4). When I was in high school in 1980, I was offered programming classes to learn Basic, as well as computer architecture. My children are attending school 30 years later, yet we have 41 states that still don’t require any technical education toward a high school diploma.

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Tech Jobs vs. CS Graduates 1600000 1400000 1200000 1000000 800000 600000 400000 200000 0

2015

2016

2017 Jobs

2018

2019

2020

Graduates

Figure 1-4.  Open technical positions vs. Computer Science graduates

Kids who are offered computer classes in school are more likely to be taught office technology (spreadsheets, word processing documents, and presentations) vs. actual critical thinking or programming education. Colorado has one of the highest average college educated populations in the United States, yet for my children to attend a class on Java programming, they would need to attend a vocational school. The vocational school in my district already has the stigma of attendance by those who can’t graduate with the average population, so what does this say about the future of technology? The Bureau of Labor and Statistics has estimated 1.4 million new technical jobs by 2020 that we will require a skilled workforce to fill, but per CS Education Statistics, the United States will have approximately 400,000 graduates in Computer Science to fill them.3 The goal of education is to prepare young adults for the future, but if we continue to focus the bulk of secondary education (reading, writing, and arithmetic) on literature, history, and biology and still see technology as a “club” or “after school meetup,” we will fail to ever teach technology as the center of our job industry future. How many English Lit majors and History majors are currently working in their field or without a job? We teach literature, history, and biology with the idea that a student may have the opportunity and passion to make a career of it. Shouldn’t we be teaching technology with the same investment toward graduation? With the percentage of technologists that we’ll require in the next decade, the way we view technical education has to change. CS Education Statistics, 2018 Estimates, http://www.exploringcs.org/archives/ resources/cs-statistics.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias Therefore, I support many of the grassroots programs to bring technology to kids outside of the public-school system. Black Girls Code is well known, but Atlanta’s Jeremy Harms, who runs Vine City Code Crew, is an incredible example of bringing code to inner city kids that may not have the opportunity to gain a passion from code at home, due to low income, or in schools due to lacking resources. Founder Kira Wetzel brought us Girls + Data, which I was first introduced to by Mindy Curnett, which offers girls the opportunity to learn in an environment that teaches code in a less intimidating way, finding the technologists of tomorrow. Locating these grassroots organizations who introduce technology to kids who might not otherwise get the chance isn’t too difficult. Just open an account on meetup.com and do a search; more are being created every day as more realize how important it is to create builders of tech, not just consumers.

Tech—A Woman’s Place As the years progressed, I found myself migrating from my first team of all female Database Administrators to practically the only female DBA in a team of senior DBAs (Figure 1-5). Female Peers 5 4 3 2 1 0 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018

Figure 1-5.  Number of women peers on my teams, past and present

Due to financial and personal demands, it fell to me to provide for my children financially, and a career as a DBA allowed me a flexible work schedule with comp time and remote work to address days when kids were home ill, parent teacher meetings, or other demands on my time as the sole-custodial parent.

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Chapter 1 | The Numbers Behind the Stories When the average person thinks of a technical professional, the image that appears is often of two conflicting appearances: • The first is of a guy, mid-40s with long hair, sloppy dress, sitting in the dark, in front of a gaming screen with a bag of Cheetos and an energy drink. • The second is the traditional “nerd” with his neat but outdated apparel, pocket protector, and dark-framed glasses. Neither of these “stereotypes” are true to form, as there is significant diversity coming into technology and more so every day, but due to this, technical jobs might not sound like the place for a young mother with children. The truth is, I found my database administration job more supportive of the demands of a working mother than most of my nursing and realtor friends had. If I had to work on a weekend or at night, I was often working from home. If I needed to take my child to the doctors or for a parent/teacher meeting, it was easy to do, as was staying home with a sick child and working from there. As technology advances, it gets easier to do so, too. I’ve been able to telecommute for the last decade, making the most of my hours and less in traffic, which allows me to be more productive for both the company and my family. For those that see the old-school tech jobs of working 60–80 hours a week and needing to be in the office the first one in and the last one out, this is not because technology is a poor career choice but because the examples are a poor work environment and have poor leadership. It’s not that it doesn’t happen, but as my career matured, I found that I learned it’s not so much about work/life balance as it is about your balance needs. I’ve been judged harshly by peers and managers that questioned my dedication to my role when I’d need to work remotely or take time off to take a kid to the doctors, but I’d remind them to focus on what I accomplished in productivity and how accessible I was, even while maintaining my family responsibilities. That’s what’s important and what will correlate from work performed and the bottom line. There is a clear bias that correlates value to hours spent per week on the job, but it’s a huge fallacy in the workplace. If you can do in 40–45 what another employee can do in 60–90 per week, which employee is more valuable? Is staying till 7–9 p.m. each night really providing any value if an employee that works from home can be available whenever needed? Are we assigning value for the productivity vs. busy work? We all need to learn how to interview companies to find out which they value, as it will decide how satisfied you are with your job, your career, and in the end, the company’s bottom line.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias As you guessed, I’m a strong proponent for flexible work schedules, especially those that can incorporate telecommuting. Although there is incredible value in face-to-face time between peers, managers, and customers, for technical jobs, there’s considerable isolated work time that doesn’t require an employee to be in an office setting. For these types of times, the employee was hired as a professional and should be treated as such, allowing for telecommuting opportunities. There is significant savings to companies by doing so (in the way of workman’s compensation insurance, office space, and resources); the benefit is not one way. There are differences in how each gender is received when requesting flexible work schedules though. In 2017, Furman University performed a survey of 600 work age adults, when presented what they thought was a conversation between an employee and HR, changing the conversation to include different requests for flexible work schedules or none at all, but would change the gender on the requests. Some of the requests were nonfamily, others were due to childcare constraints, but the reviewers were asked to judge the request or on likability, dedication to their job, dependability, and if they were the HR representative, would they approve the request. The reviewers scored the men as more likable by an average of 70% while the women only 57%. They deemed the men more dedicated and dependable, even though the requests were the same and only the gender had been changed. As obvious as the research has shown greater potential for men to receive flexible work schedules without the same negative judgment, I’ve rarely experienced my male peers requesting the time off. I was more likely to observe them delegating family responsibilities to their wives, so they could avoid having to ask the boss for flexibility. I understood why they did so—it’s uncomfortable to have to ask for time off. As a divorced parent, I rarely had that luxury until I received a flexible work schedule as part of my employment. My ex-husband tended to be unavailable, so I admit, to avoid a disagreement with him, I found it easier to seek out companies that were supportive of flexible work schedules. Along with flexible schedules, pay was important, but it is for most people. As I stated, I was the financially responsible parent, along with custodial one, so it rated high on requirements for a potential position. It took me years to learn how to demand what I needed to be successful in tech. I first started with asking for what I needed to be more productive in a given day, then worked toward how to ask for what I needed to be more successful with my life and then from there, my career. Many of these changes to what is commonly offered us has to be sold to the company. Making the business see that investing in an employee can provide value to them should be a distinct and highly sought-after skill on any resume.

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The STEM Challenge 2011 was a significant year for me. After the departure of “Ann,” I began to reach out to numerous women that I’d discovered had left the industry. I was able to have some open and honest conversations with them, gathering answers to my questions to understand why, as well as document cultural patterns when they existed. Some of these peers were ready to talk with me about bias, seemingly relieved of the burden of silence, while others were more private about why they’d left. More often, I found they had; just like me, we were taught not to discuss topic of bias, and it wasn’t something we acknowledged. Society had taught us to be skilled in creating excuses to justify what had occurred and if we did raise our voices to the reality would risk deemed being “uncool.” Many women in technology don’t fit into the traditional mold of the girl next door. We may have odd traits, interests, and behaviors that make people try to understand what makes us tick. To combat this, we still fall into an expected behavior. We become the “cool girl” instead of simply embracing who we are, and we may pretend to like sports, juvenile humor, and traditional male pastimes. As we like STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math), our more traditional female peers may have refused to accept us into their groups. Everyone wants to be liked, so it’s natural for us to try to find a group to be accepted into. If those of our gender won’t accept us, we will make concessions to be viewed as “not like other girls” in the cool image most accepted by the men around us. We often choose more masculine type pastimes and adopt less feminine traits which offer some protection from unwanted advances. No matter how far we stray from it all, we are still products of culture and bias. As much as we like to claim we are our own person, we’re shaped from the time we are delivered from the womb—placed in blue or pink clothing, given boy or girl toys, while boys are told not to cry and girls are told how pretty they are, all before we are even crawling. The numbers are astounding and will be built upon as we proceed through the chapters in this book. Between culture and bias, there is an ongoing challenge of acceptance, but with the initiatives of the last few years, I’ve gone from one of the few to speak out loud to one of thousands who speak up regularly. With all the initiatives, many worry that the numbers aren’t increasing as they expected, but when it’s grown stagnant, I haven’t been that surprised. I have been very successful with the mentoring that I’ve offered to others, but it’s never been traditional mentoring, and with the low numbers we began with, it simply wasn’t self-sustaining at this point. Similar to a small seedling, it requires care and feeding to build into something more until it has the roots and strong base to support itself. I hope the book will offer the insight to others on how to mentor women in the way they need to succeed but also demonstrate how important sponsorship, networking, and giving women options that often are so unspoken by everyone

Crushing the IT Gender Bias around us. Culturally, boys are raised with “skills,” but also these important opportunities, where girls are left to figure it out and traverse this on our own. Women have little idea how to gain sponsorship from a professional peer, having more likely been taught how to flirt. We are instructed how to gain someone attention, but not how to network and build our contacts in a way that will promote our career. We are rewarded for being seen, but not heard, and are taught how to actively listen while others talk in a business world, those same individuals that wonder why we don’t speak up more often, without the upbringing to teach us how to succeed in so many unknown areas of business and at the same time often told that some of our greatest strengths are drawbacks in the business world. Lucky for me, I’ve always been an individual to respect data over opinion. It’s not that I don’t hold value in experiences, quite the contrary. I have an incredibly observant and accurate gut instinct about situations but have always used data to ensure that my observations aren’t blinded by my own or other’s bias. This skill in observation has served me and those that search me out for this insight well. It’s a skill that is also used to inspect technical environments—leaving nothing off the table and gathering all data to understand complex situations. As bias is often unconscious, my own upbringing, gender, and experiences could cloud my view, so it’s important to collect data and research before making decisions, creating a plan of attack or creating a solution. As I stated, when I first started noticing how many female peers were departing the industry, I began to do research. There was surprisingly limited data back in 2011. I often wasn’t positive what to research, but I knew patterns were evolving in my observations, and there had to be reasons for them. The Stanford gender studies site and subsequent Ted Talks from Sherry Cornell offered the first data that explained the patterns I was privy to. The site articles were some of the first documented findings on gender bias in a scientific manner, providing the numbers that matched the patterns I’d started to document. Sherry’s talks were well received by me as she viewed the data with a scientific approach based on educating everyone. Her talks are enlightening, and the data is difficult to ignore, even if there are many who have trouble accepting it. This is an overwhelming topic, so I’m not one to push but always open to discuss. One of the most positive aspects of focusing on education and open conversation is the number of people who want to have these conversations. There are significant differences in the challenges that not only depends on culture, but location. I live in Colorado, which has a significantly high percentage of women leaving the industry over the national average, even though we have one of the highest percentages of college educated residents. While the national average is women will leave the technical industry within 4 years in a career, Colorado is less than four. The state of Utah is our neighbor, yet due to location and culture, a fellow president for a user group there isn’t as

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Chapter 1 | The Numbers Behind the Stories worried about retaining women in tech. Her biggest challenge is to get women into secondary education, as many of them are expected to marry right out of college. The difference is cultural, as there isn’t just an educational difference between the two states, but a religious one.

The Accidental Technologist I came into technology approaching the age of 30, in the late 1990s, which was a significant time for database careers. I’m unashamed to admit that I don’t have a Computer Science degree. I consider myself having little to no college that I can fall back on due to a medical condition that impacted the first half of my 20s. I was 22 years old when I started to experience odd migraines that didn’t follow the pattern of the migraines I’d suffered from since my early teens. These new “migraines” had occurred about 6 months apart, were a crushing pain, often slicing up through the right, back side of my brain, and included numbness and vision loss. The loss of vision was primarily the left side, as was the loss of mobility. The pain would last a few hours, and once it was gone, I was listless and would sleep for a day or two. As doctor visits were quite costly and I was an auditor at the time without a lot of financial stability and caveats for everything insurance didn’t want to cover, I was hesitant to seek medical attention unless it was necessary. After a few of these migraines and a listless 2-day sleep, I realized I was still missing about 10% of my left visual field which was reason enough to seek out professional medical attention. I was referred to a neurologist, who after performing an MRI, informed me I’d had a stroke and it wasn’t my first one. The 10% visual loss was permanent, but my “stroke” wasn’t the standard variety. Most strokes occur due to high blood pressure and blockage, yet blood tests revealed that I had a bleeding problem and my blood pressure was incredibly low. After further blood tests revealed that I was autoimmune positive, a rheumatologist was brought in to start researching. Over the next 4 years, I suffered five documented strokes. By 1993, I was told that I’d either be blind by the time I was 40 (best case scenario) or dead (worst case scenario). I promptly sought out a second opinion and, luckily, found a neurologist that was interested in figuring out what was the cause, and with autoimmune, you find out that it’s unique for everyone. For me, my pregnancy with my first son, born at the very end of 1994, offered a large part of the answer by putting me into remission, and once my autoimmune returned in 2004, it was first joint related (similar to rheumatoid arthritis) and then settled into a connective tissue disorder by 2014 but has never returned to the debilitating vascular condition it once was.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I’d still suffered significant damage from the years of strokes. I was missing almost 9 years of memories; 48% of my left visual field required speech and physical therapy and could no longer perform the duties of my previous position as an auditor. While my brain was healing, I needed to continue to make a living, so I worked at Kinney Shoes. Yes, I sold shoes in a retail store. I was slowly recovering as I went through physical therapy, and my speech patterns were impacted, so speech therapy was required, too. Most don’t realize it today, as I am a professional speaker, but I still have some issues with “the thesaurus of my brain” and will falter to pronounce some words. Just be patient with me—it’s no big deal considering how far I’ve come. Outside of this and my missing visual field, not many signs of what I went through over two decades ago. It wasn’t a simple recovery though. I recall working at the shoe store 25 years ago and sitting in front of a pile of shoes that I was to organize by size on a set of shoe racks. It took me a couple days to perform this simple task. I was incredibly frustrated as my brain simply couldn’t figure out how to put the size five first, then the five and a ½, then the six, and so on and so forth. The thing was, I’ve always been incredibly persistent. I’ve had bosses call me stubborn and sometimes a bit obsessive, but it served me well as I recovered from my strokes. I just simply refused to give up and just kept trying until I worked my way through the shoe rack and placed all the shoes in order. I approached every challenge this way as my brain healed, succeeding rarely the first time, but refusing to give up and persevering in the end. I had a long way to go, too. I no longer had any of the knowledge I had acquired as a young adult. I had to relearn how to drive, and my sense of direction had been impacted. We won’t discuss how many times I found myself on the opposite side of the city vs. where I was going, and if there’s one thing you learn about Denver, it is that it’s quite a simple city to navigate. There’re mountains only on the west side, and you can see them from almost any location. It’s hard for me to recall how I couldn’t tell which direction I was heading. I no longer knew how to balance a check book or other basic skills I’d learned. As with the shoe rack, I continued to make an attempt until I finally succeeded. With the loss in memory, about 6 months after my last stroke, my brain fog began to lift. I discovered myself married to a man that I didn’t really remember dating, let alone marrying, and I was 5 months pregnant with my first child. I worked to heal, become independent, and became a single parent less than a year after my last stroke. It should have been a terrifying prospect, but I think I was too busy working toward succeeding at little things daily to think too much about the risk I was taking. I look back now and can say, without a doubt, that nothing seems as daunting as where I was then, and it may be why I seem so fearless now.

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Chapter 1 | The Numbers Behind the Stories As my brain healed, I went from selling shoes to selling computers at Circuit City. The company discovered that I had a knack for software, and I began doing desktop support. I had married the father of my two younger children, and he advised me to become a desktop support specialist for US West (now Centurylink). He made it clear that I was ready, as he had “guys making $40K a year that can’t load Microsoft Windows at a C:/ prompt.” I started as a desktop support person with no experience working in a networked or office environment. As is the case now, I took on the challenges no one else would touch, which turned out to be database applications. Few appeared to have expertise in the area, but I read whatever I could find and worked hard to figure out what I could on my own. Oracle was 16 bit at the time, version 7.3.4 had just been released, and I found it ridiculous that those using more than one Oracle application with different versions were expected to run each application on a separate workstation. I figured out a way to switch the win.ini file in Windows 95 to allow a change to the path to the Oracle directory, allowing users to do what they said shouldn’t be possible—one workstation/multiple Oracle applications. Oracle asked if they could send a representative to come in and review my scripts and configuration and upon completing the review advised the Chief Technical Manager at US West to “make a DBA” of me. Little did I know, as I worked for multiple companies, progressing my career, that I would end up working for Oracle 15 years later. My career delivered incredible opportunities to work with fantastic individuals, mentors, and people I idolized in the industry. It taught me how to avoid some of the pitfalls that I experienced earlier on, and my learned persistence, mentors, and sponsorship were the difference between my continued success in technology and missed opportunity for others. My own experience, my ability to have others share their own experiences with me, and the data that I’ve collected have provided me an incredibly big picture of the challenges and opportunities for women in technology (WIT). What I learned from all my experiences is that everything happens for a reason, every challenge has a benefit, and that there is incredible power in the simple act of doing. My own journey, with bizarre medical history and nontraditional path into technology, also relates in many ways to why these stories need to be shared. A majority in the field aren’t college graduates with Computer Science degrees. In fact, it’s more likely that they’ve come from diverse backgrounds, were discovered to have a natural affinity to technology, or fulfilled a need and became an “accidental technologist.” Each is a complex life form, and understanding who each of them are requires a deep discussion around gender, upbringing, and culture and must include research data. My goal here is to broach topics honestly and discuss that we’re a product of our upbringing, our experiences, and the opportunities we’ve been given and how it can make the difference between success and failure.

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2 The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology I’d like to say the simple source of all our frustration around women and information in technology is gender, but it’s more complicated than that. A percentage of individuals would tell you that men and women are biologically different and that this explains it all. Although they are correct that differences exist, research shows that with all the differences, in the end, the data doesn’t add up to the gulf of exclusion we see today.

© Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_2

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology Scientific studies have confirmed that men have more gray matter than women. At the same time, they also prove that women have more white matter than men.1 Gray matter is used for everything from vision, muscle control to decision making, but white matter is used to speed up the connections between synapsids. This results in women’s connections firing faster than men’s even though they possess larger quantities of gray matter, which scientists use to explain why overall, men and women have the same average IQ. Maps of neural circuitry have shown that women’s left and right hemispheres are far more connected than men’s, while men’s were more connected front to back. While men were often able to outperform women on coordinated and perception tasks, women were able to interact more effectively in complex social situations and multitask. For every area that men’s brains are superior, scientists have identified an equalizing feature in women’s brains that compensate.

Disorder or Dynamic? In the case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD), research2 has shown that boys and girls are impacted differently as low activity in the temporal lobes is highly affected. It isn’t that medical professionals view girls as less likely to have ADD but due to how physical brain differences impact symptoms and cultural expectations allow girls to be diagnosed less often. I grew up the oldest of three girls and the first girl of my generation. Anyone familiar with birth order research might then understand one more reason behind what drives me and has made me less impacted by the challenges of my ADHD or what other women experience in the industry. An oldest child is more likely to emulate their parents and have significant expectations of oneself.3 I demonstrated ADHD tendencies from the beginning, being highly active and easily distracted. I asked a lot of questions and when answers weren’t enough (my mother was often exasperated with my incessant questions), I would fearlessly search out the answers on my own. “Research Study, Intelligence in Men and Women,” University of California, 2005, https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/01/050121100142.htm. “Why Sex Matters: Brain Size Independent Differences in Gray Matter Distributions between Men and Women,” Us National Library of Medicine, 2011, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih. gov/pmc/articles/PMC3110817/. “Sex Differences in Brain Gray Matter Between Healthy Young Adults,” University of Pennsylvania, 1999, http://www.jneurosci.org/ content/19/10/4065.full. 2 “The Neurobiological Profile of Girls with ADHD,” E. Mark Mahone and Ericka L. Wodk, January 2013, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/ PMC3534724/#!po=3.08642. 3 “Explaining the Relation between Birth Order and Intelligence,” Petter Kristensen and Tor Bjerkedal, Science,Vol 316, June 22, 2007. 1

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Boys Have More Fun I recall spending time with my older male cousins and trying to keep up. They, like my younger sisters, were tall, sandy haired, and blue eyed. I was small framed, with an inability to sit still and a desire to do whatever they were doing. We grew up on the shores of Lake Michigan in the rural Upper Peninsula and spent a considerable amount of time outside during the summer months. If the boys were going to challenge each other to standing in the creek to see who would last the longest in the icy waters, then I was going to, too. This kind of competitive games and others of risk created situations where the adults would worry about me, a small girl among these larger boys. I remember concerned voices calling me back from what the boys were doing. I would incessantly ask why I couldn’t play the same games as they were until exasperation would leave them relying on the answer of, “Because you’re a little girl.” This occurred often enough to make me identify being a girl with being limited. By the time I was five, I remember wanting to be a boy, as it seemed synonymous with freedom and fun.

The Girl Next Door As the oldest of three girls, I was blessed with two sisters, but the middle child was the ideal image of the girl next door. With long blonde curls and big blue eyes, my sister Kristi was quickly identified by the adults around her as a perfect example of what a girl should be. She was a sweet easy-going child that was more likely to sit still than her rambunctious older sister with the dark pixie cut and curious nature. I quickly noted how the adults would comment on her pretty blond curls and agreeable manner. I recognized how much easier it was for her while we were growing up—she fulfilled their expectations of her just by how she looked and what she did. She was the Amy of our Little Women,4 and as we grew up, I grew envious of the attention she received. The truth is the grass always looks greener on the other side. Culture may have expectations for us that some naturally are more comfortable with, but there is a drawback to this. Kristi was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 43. She quickly went from a healthy, happy mother of two children and a wife to a loving husband to realizing that the commitment she’d made with the idea that her dreams would be realized after her family left the nest was quickly snuffed out by the destructive disease. We talked at length about what she hoped for in her future, even as her future quickly disappeared. She told me that having a

For those unfamiliar with the term, it refers to the novel written by Louisa May Alcott.

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology sister who’d authored more than one book and another finishing her masters made her realize that no matter how much she loved her life and her family, she had dreams she’d put on the back burner because culture had raised her to put everything in front of her own desires. Just as so many women around her, she was only following what our culture tells us in so many ways. We hear that our own dreams are often viewed as selfish and to be a caregiver to those around us. The saying of carpe diem, “seize the day,” becomes a promise unfulfilled as the unexpected takes hold. Kristi died a mere 100 days after her diagnosis, never to be forgotten, but with dreams unfulfilled. With her death, I found greater inner strength and diminished any regret for not sitting still as a child that drove me to achieve as much as I possibly could.

The Overachiever Non-Lead My inability to find satisfaction in being stationary also drove me to handle a heavier workload than many of my peers. I wasn’t competing with anyone other than myself, but for some, it was difficult to view me other than competitive. I enjoy being busy and am a terrible bored person. I prefer to do a tedious task over no task at all, but having ADHD means that I enjoy challenging work whenever it’s offered. What employer doesn’t want an employee that wants to be productive and busy? It’s essential that management be aware of each employee’s workload, but our patriarchal work environments can leave weaker leaders to pit employees against each other. This creates some of the most common complaints from women about working in the industry. Along with their ideas or work being taken credit for, most women in tech are performing at higher levels than their peers, while their peers are still more likely to be rewarded with promotions, raises, and titles.5 One of the women I’ve mentored likes to say, “There’s no place for mediocre women.” I can attest to the incredible skill of the women in the industry around me. Even I, as direct as I am, have served more than once as “the lead” in every way but with the official title and salary. It was eye-opening to me how often the more I mentored women in the industry; this wasn’t an odd occurrence, but a common practice for other women, too. Even though these women were performing the tasks of the role and often performing it beyond their male peers, when it came time to promoting someone into a leadership position, they were overlooked or bypassed. “Women in the Workplace, A Research Roundup,” Harvard Business Review, 2015, https://hbr.org/2013/09/women-in-the-workplace-a-research-roundup. “Women in the Workplace,” McKinsey Research, 2018, https://www.mckinsey.com/ featured-insights/gender-equality/women-in-the-workplace-2018.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias The stories demonstrated clear bias, as the management making the decision either didn’t view the women in a leadership position or assumed that the women weren’t interested in overseeing people. Another form of this bias is the idea that women are willing to “volunteer” to do more, or an assumption that they want to do more without recognition, and men are more likely to set boundaries unless some type of expected promotion or financial reward is given.6 Due to our discomfort with women’s ambition, even if a woman does set those expectations, backlash can occur in the form of resentment or views that the woman is “unlikeable or unmanageable.”7 As important as it is for women to set expectations and to recognize when unfair responsibilities outside of your role are occurring, it’s a double-edged sword when they attempt to do so. It’s a tightrope that we need to carefully navigate, ensuring that we don’t trip anyone’s bias and experience the backlash of resentment when we do set those boundaries. Once it’s been established management is open to having an honest discussion, it’s important to identify if the difference in demands is due to bias when performing a comparison to what is expected of you vs. your male peers. Following are some polite yet direct questions you might pose to your management in such situations: • “I have the same title as XXXX and should be performing similar tasks, correct?” • “Would you assign to XXXX?” • “Is there constructive feedback you can offer me why I wasn’t offered the project?” Ask the manager, without accusations, to honestly review what he is assigning you vs. other team members. If your feelings might give away how distressing the discussion is, find a trusted friend or colleague to role-play the discussion before you approach your manager. If discussing a promotion where you are performing the role, but a male peer is being considered, the following could be beneficial: 1. Do preliminary research to find out if you were being considered at any step in the process. If not, ask what changed. It may be a simple oversight, and yes, it could be due to bias. “Gender Differences in the Effects of Workplace and Family Characteristics,” Hiromi Taniguchi University of Louisville, http://www.midus.wisc.edu/findings/ pdfs/369.pdf. 7 “For Women Leaders, Likeability and Success Rarely Go Hand-in-Hand,” Marianne Cooper, Harvard Business Review, 2013, https://hbr.org/2013/04/ for-women-leaders-likability-a. 6

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology 2. Find out why your male peer is being considered. The explanation may shed light for management on the oversight by just having a discussion. Having a calm conversation with the management may help them recognize you as a candidate. 3. As always, the goal is ever to be about education and reaching your goal, not about persecution. If you feel you’re becoming overly frustrated, consider thanking them for their time and revisit the conversation after you’ve had time to collect your thoughts.

A Lonely Place Depending on the roles included in any given women in tech surveys, women only comprise 13–26% of the technical positions.8 With the average team comprising four to five individuals, this often leaves the female technologist as the sole woman on the team. As a minority in the group, the average tech workplace atmosphere can look less appealing than most other departments. As we work to get more women into tech, this fact can currently make it look like a very lonely place for a woman. I greatly appreciate my male peers, but I learned having female peers offers interaction that male peers can rarely offer. There is a camaraderie perk to a workplace that no amount of benefits can compensate for on an all-male team. As we have a patriarchal society, women’s needs have historically been decided for them, and there’s some carryover that still impacts us when we’re the minority in an industry today. Many claim that it’s natural women don’t gravitate to technology, but if we look at early STEM education, we know this doesn’t hold true. If we want to be logical about it, we also need to look at how home computers were once marketed and the tech workplace atmosphere. There’s considerable data demonstrating the dawn of enterprise computing; computer work was viewed as “administrative,” so women were the ones to perform it. Even with much lower percentage of women in the workforce, 27% of women were found in the industry in 1960. This all changed in the 1980s as home computers became a reality and commercials began to appear on TV promoting computers to boys. As of 1990, there was approximately 35% of women in CS fields; within 20 years, it dropped to less than 20% today.9 Figure 2-1 shows women in STEM careers over time.

“Women’s Bureau,” Interactive Occupations Statistics, 2018, https://www.dol.gov/wb/ occupations_interactive.htm. 9 “When Women Stopped Coding,” NPR, Oct. 2014, https://www.npr.org/sections/ money/2014/10/21/357629765/when-women-stopped-coding. 8

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Figure 2-1.  Growth of women in top occupations, 1965-2014. Data from https://www. npr.org/sections/money/2014/10/21/357629765/when-women-stopped-coding

As technology swept the nation and was added to education, instead of breaking it down into critical thinking, language, and electronics, it was bundled together as a complex science. Girls are routinely taught from early on that being smart is competitive and that boys don’t want to compete with which they are attracted to.10 By the age of eight or nine, this is demonstrated in young girls’ views of their skills in STEM education, with a denial of skills and hesitation to perform. It isn’t that they can’t do it but that positive reinforcement and consistent feedback that girls are “not good at maths.” This feedback is often asserted to be the reason girls, although outperforming boys in math and science in numerous studies, yet still claim to be less skilled. At the same time, there is a scientific data that shows that girls outperform boys when learning a new language, yet very little research as to why they don’t also excel in computer language education.11 We can also assume from previous data on girls’ success with math education that the expectation of how successful one will be due to the language being labeled as part of science or math could impact the outcome. Research on how girls learn and how we teach programming has lead groups like Girls Develop It and Black Girls Code to work to change both the cultural impact to girls’ introduction to programming and how computer languages “Gender Stereotypes About Intellectual Ability Emerge Early and Influence Children’s Interests,” Science Magazine, January 2017, http://science.sciencemag.org/ content/355/6323/389. 11 “Boys’ and Girls’ Brains Are Different: Gender Differences In Language Appear Biological,” Northwestern University, March 2008, https://www.sciencedaily.com/ releases/2008/03/080303120346.htm. 10

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology are taught. They’ve updated the old bias that girls aren’t good at math or science to rethink the way STEM education is taught and, at times, remove the cultural bias. The success12 of these programs speaks for themselves. Black Girls Code founder, Kimberly Bryant,13 continually shares similar stories I’ve experienced myself and with almost every woman I know in tech, as the driver for the program. These programs are designed to teach technology in a way that is more supportive of the way girls learn, with projects that are more collaborative than with isolated coding as initial learning methods. The idea that girls “aren’t good at maths” or other bias statements aren’t accepted by these groups, as all participants are of the same gender to begin with. Gender is taken out of the equation. I had noticed many women from Middle Eastern and Indian countries whose STEM skills far surpassed those in the United States. When questioning if the education system were far superior in these countries, no data could be found. One interesting fact that continued to trend, even with strong cultural bias against women working outside the home in their native country, was that women often attended a school separate from their male peers, which reminded me of the success with the Girls Develop it and Black Girls Code programs. Those raised in the gender segregated environments surmised that it removed the competitive challenge with male peers in class and offered them only female peers to compete with. I noted that they studied advanced maths and science centric secondary education and had less concern with what male students’ impression of them and more about getting the most out of their education as adults. Removing this cultural impact of how boys competed early on as they were forming their own competitive natures appeared to drive them to be more assertive once they became young adults. This demonstrated the bias differences between our cultures and how they impacted women’s quality of education.

The Perks Department A teaching position may advertise perks and benefits that are attractive for a working parent, knowing that most teachers are women and are of childbearing age. If you were to ask the average Silicon Valley professional what a desired perk for a tech job would be, you’d more likely hear the following: • Casual Fridays • Game room • Happy hour or craft beer time “Girls Develop It and RDU is a Huge Success,” TechWire, 2014, https://www.wraltech wire.com/2014/04/15/girl-develop-it-rdu-is-a-huge-and-growing-success-14415/. 13 “Black Girls Code,” http://www.blackgirlscode.com/about-bgc.html. 12

Crushing the IT Gender Bias • Bean bags or other casual sitting area • Snack foods and drinks The preceding list reads like a gamer’s dream but not for the average working mother. Around 2009, this was a list for any company hoping to attract top technical talent. Human Resources has started to evolve past this type of stereotype, but many times, IT management and IT teams have not. With the dominance of men in the field, it’s only natural that perks for the majority would prevail. My last company’s local office still has the snack room, a beer fridge, and the game room. The guys go and play frisbee golf at least once per week. The team atmosphere is excellent, but the few women in the office are almost always separate from these activities. I was a regular odd “woman” out, as I had learned after two decades in tech to understand the importance of this type of networking. I also admit to confusing the tech support manager for an office manager upon starting because I only received e-mails from her informing us of what snacks she’d ordered or the office administration tasks she’d completed. I felt terrible as my own bias and knowledge hadn’t shielded me from the problem. I didn’t understand why these tasks had fallen to her, but as we know, these types of tasks can be viewed as administrative and a woman will most likely have the task assigned to her, even when her title should grant differently. Companies are beginning to see the value of gender diversity in their technical staff and to attract more women with perks and benefits that are no longer limited.14 Snacks are moving from the stereotype coder/gamer type of Cheetos and energy drinks to healthy alternatives (thankfully, the guys are just as onboard with this change). Group outings are designed to be more inclusive of everyone involved, and we’re seeing gym memberships, diversity groups, lactations rooms, and such. We are seeing more flexible work schedules and identifying productivity toward reviews instead of how many hours someone has been present in the office. The biggest challenge was getting management on board, as male peers discovered that they appreciated a better work/life balance and healthier options as much as women do. It was never about taking away from those that are there but offering welcome to those that should be from the beginning.

From the Beginning Although I’ve already touched on upbringing and gender, do we realize how much we’re identified by our gender, even before birth? Parents rarely leave the gender of their child to a surprise with the advances in medicine. With this “Business Benefits with Gender Diversity,” Gallup, 2014, https://www.gallup.com/ workplace/236543/business-benefits-gender-diversity.aspx. 14

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology information, we decorate nurseries in pinks and blues, we buy gender distinct toys, and we interact with a child differently depending on the outcome of what gender our baby will be. There was a great video,15 where two children were dressed in the opposite clothing that would be identified with their gender. No mention of the young toddler’s gender was mentioned to the adults who interacted with them. The children were placed in the room with various toys, and repeatedly, they found the adults handing the “boy” cars and trucks, as well as interacting with “him” with more physical play. The “girl” was offered dolls, and the play was more nurturing. They spoke in a much softer tone to the child they thought was a “girl,” too. If the “boy” toddler fell down, the adult would advise him to get up and brush himself off, where the “girl” was often assisted and offered soothing. The adults were noticeably surprised when informed of the true gender of the children and how different they had interacted with each. They were unaware of the gender bias and choices they made depending on the gender they thought the children were. I recalled the amount of attention my middle sister received while growing up. I was skinny with short dark hair. I behaved like more of the boys, more likely not to sit still, the ADHD representative I was. My younger sister was the epitome of little girl preferred behavior. She had long, blond hair and big blue eyes and could sit still without being constantly scolded. People would come up to us when we were out with our mother and quickly fixate on Kristi, telling her what a pretty little girl she was, often followed by someone stating how my mother had been “blessed with variety.” It was a kind way of saying that one child fit their expectations for female gender, while not insulting the other for not. It was interesting that my mother spent most of her time with her father growing up. I understood her connection to him, as he was my favorite, my Grandpa Joseph. Her best friend was a little girl who also wanted to be a boy, dressing as a boy whenever the chance came. Her upbringing created a woman who exhibited a more masculine communication style. If you’re asking how gender can be assigned to communication, we’ll start with the quote, “Men insult each other and don’t mean it. Women compliment each other and don’t mean it.” The preceding statement describes how men and women network and connect with each other in different ways. While a man will discuss sports, as they become friends, they will teasingly insult each other in ways that women often will not. My husband is the middle child of three boys. He talks about some of the pranks they played on each other. After hearing these stories,

“Girls Toys vs. Boys Toys, the Experiment,” BBC Stories, August 2017, https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI&feature=share. 15

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I’m unsure how most boys make it to adulthood. There are numerous stories of pranks, insults, and challenges made to one another. Some of them would make his mother worry, but as the saying goes, “boys will be boys.” How much of this behavior is created from the differences in how we raise them? When a woman meets another woman, a traditional feminine communicator will compliment the other women regarding her appearance or her attire. “I love your shoes!” Or “Your hairstyle is incredible.” I also have a masculine communication style, and when women compliment me about my appearance, I still give awkward responses. I meekly say thank you, but this type of feminine networking isn’t something I grew up with. I’d been an awkward child, didn’t have many female friends growing up, and as stated earlier, my mother doesn’t communicate or network with other women this way. Compliments from my mother are fleeting and few. These compliments are how most women are raised to connect with each other. If a guy approached another guy and said, “Love your hair,” the response from the other guy would more often be quite awkward. The communication style also results in women more accustomed to hearing compliments but less prepared to receive criticism in interactions. Critical feedback, when done nonconstructively, can be a sign to women that someone doesn’t want to connect or network with them, hence why we hear women are more sensitive. The truth may be more complicated, as we’re culturally inclined to use compliments as a form of networking. On the other hand, men may not learn from valuable constructive criticism when they should but are more likely to roll with the punches when they’re in an adversarial position. This is a communication area that we could both learn from the other gender.

Be Direct, but Not Too Direct My Mother has softened as she’s aged and is quick to tell us that she loves us now, but I think I did exhaust her more often than amuse her when I was a child. The benefit of her no-nonsense communication style was a philosophy that one “felt with your heart, thought with your mind, said what you mean and not to confuse any two.” Although she felt I needed to say what I mean, my mother seemed hesitant to give her opinion on most subjects, which left me to figure out things on my own. What it did teach me was that my intuition was correct more often than any person around me and to trust myself—a great strength when you’re a minority on your professional team. The term “intuition” creates interesting responses in the professional world. I’ve never veered from the fact that I have a strong intuition but would often ponder why, when discussing men, we’d be more likely to say they’re “trusting their gut,” yet we use a word that describes the same, more honed skill in women as something imaginary. My intuition is just my ability to be highly observant of situations and people. I take information and can see the big

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology picture, but when individuals wish to downgrade this skill, they will deem it my “intuition” and when they wish to prioritize the similar skill in a male peer, then it’s “gut instinct.” This is often due to us not trusting women. It’s important to point these types of bias out to people—not in a combative way, but as a discussion, recognizing that the contributor’s value is being categorized differently. We really don’t trust women, and there’re articles16 discussing the phenomenon by those now collecting data and documenting it. We too often tell girls that, from a young age, they’re overreacting or being overemotional. While boys are told to suppress their emotions, we explain to women that they are wired to be emotional versus analytical or logical and their emotions are assumed to be exaggerated for any situation. While men are raised to stand up for what they believe in and what they say, there is a hold over from days gone of “taking a man at his word.” On the other hand, women are asked to analyze and second-guess themselves regularly: “Do you think you may have overreacted?” “Do you think you misunderstood what he/she meant?” “Why won’t you give him/her a chance?” (Often stated after a woman has decided about a person they’re interacting with. “Are you sure you heard them correctly?” There is absolutely no doubt in my mind this is why studies find that women suffer from imposter syndrome more often than men and why they are viewed as less decisive.17 We tell girls to doubt so much of what they think and their decisions, it’s no wonder why women second-guess themselves.

Trusting Oneself As I’ve stated, I was a loner by nature. I tend to march to my own drummer, and my intuition is keen to let me know when something is someone else’s problem vs. blaming myself. As I honed these skills, it helped me greatly as I grew up and I began to trust myself over anyone else. This also required “Men Just Don’t Trust Women and it’s a Huge Problem,” Huffington Post, December 2017, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/damon-young/men-just-dont-trustwomen_b_6714280.html. 17 “Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women, Dynamics and Therapeutic Interventions,” Pauline Rose Clance, Suzanne Imes, Georgia State University, 1978, http:// www.paulineroseclance.com/pdf/ip_high_achieving_women.pdf. 16

Crushing the IT Gender Bias enough self-reliance to go it alone. I learned to enjoy my own company more than desire the company of others that might question what I already trusted about myself. There’s an interesting side effect to this—I was much more resilient to bullying and tended to stand up for those around me. Putting me in front of individuals that had deeper bias than others would quickly uncover their discomfort as I would ambitiously work to accomplish the same things as my male peers. A company had a choice to address it constructively or have it degraded into a bullying situation. I’ve experienced both. There was no intention on my part to instigate a combative situation with the bully; I would simply be performing at the level I thought was required for the company to get the most value out of me, but by the time the bully’s tendencies would be discovered, it would often be too late to divert the confrontation. Keep in mind—I am purposeful in my intent and expect others to react in kind. The truth is bias is unconscious and can often be as frustrating to the person demonstrating it as the person it’s targeting. The offender is often aware that something with their behavior isn’t quite fair or correct, but as bias is more subtle and upbringing may tell them that the bias is acceptable (such as families are better off with stay-at-home mothers or that women aren’t as capable as men in technical fields) vs. what they’ve experienced, it can cause the offender to lash out at the target than look internally for a solution. This is part of the answer to this problem though. It’s not a complete solution, but how you approach the problem may help you find resolution: 1. When you are asked to analyze or second guess yourself, first investigate the motives of the person who’s made the request of you. It’s often unintentional, but you may note reasons stemming from personal insecurities and discomfort with women’s ambition to other bias. 2. With this knowledge, you can then gain closure that the problem is the other person’s and not yours, making an educated decision on if you wish to go forward. Just because you know it’s the other person’s problem doesn’t automatically result in you proceeding, but it should require you to ask if there is a valid reason for you not to achieve the next step in your path. 3. Don’t be afraid to have open conversation about the challenge you’re having with the individual. You should be able to gauge rather quickly if there is an opportunity for education or if the person is closed to growth. 4. If a third party is required as a mediator, consider one that is focused on the goal of evolving and a resolution, not on taking sides.

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology 5. As your career grows and matures, you may find that you care less and must care less about what other’s think. It’s much easier for Sheryl Sandberg to do what she knows is right, even when there is a majority against her, than it is for Jane who just started her first year at a tech company. Doing has power, and the more you do and the more you become, the easier going for what is right vs. what others expect of you becomes. 6. Know when to walk away, too. People don’t leave companies, they leave managers, and if your manager’s bias is limiting your growth, look for a new company with a manager that will foster your growth.

The Collaboration Killer As we are challenged to succeed with lacking trust and opportunities, bias can also result in lacking collaboration.18 Some men may collaborate less with female peers due to simple social awkwardness. Others will do less collaboration due to insecurities. As women are often competing, we may find some women who are less likely to collaborate with other women. This collaboration can not only limit learning opportunities, it can also impact professional advancement, career satisfaction, and the business from receiving the benefit of potential reached by the individual employees. In meetings and e-mails, women may receive less feedback or no response at all, which leads to women communicating less. I have experienced this myself and know it exists. I have responded to an e-mail chain (more than once), and while there is considerable interaction between peers, I would receive none or very little response. At times, it would be the extent I would check with a trusted confidant to find out if my e-mails were being received by the group. I found that I was also more likely to receive a response offline or only one-onone. I noticed that this often happened when I offered a technical solution in interactions. It led me to accept that there was discomfort acknowledging that a woman had come up with the solution. These types of interactions can lead to women being bypassed for promotions and raises more often, as they are invisible to management due to lacking collaboration that would demonstrate their contributions.19 As they are “Collaborating with Men: Changing Workplace Culture to be More Inclusive for Women,” Murray Edwards College, 2016, https://30percentclub.org/assets/uploads/UK/ Third_Party_Reports/Collaborating_with_Men_-_FINAL_Report.pdf. 19 “Collaborating with Men: Changing Workplace Culture to be More Inclusive for Women,” Murray Edwards College, 2016, https://30percentclub.org/assets/uploads/UK/ Third_Party_Reports/Collaborating_with_Men_-_FINAL_Report.pdf. 18

Crushing the IT Gender Bias already less viewed as leaders, to not acknowledge when they solve problems or take on challenges can create even more “invisible leaders” of the women in tech.20 Steve Martin said, “be so good, they can’t ignore you,” but as we’ve already discussed, women can become less visible than their male peers even when they outperform. To overcome this, I recommend that women keep a weekly status of their productivity. Send the status to your manager as part of the process, even if he/she has no request of it. If they ask, simply respond, “No one knows what I do, and I’d be negligent if I didn’t let you know the value I bring if anyone asks you.” This is a service you’re doing for them, but it also creates visibility for you. Don’t be afraid to let people know what you are doing and what you’ve accomplished. We have already established that society has a discomfort with women’s ambition. A while back, I was at a speaker dinner. I’d been introduced to another speaker, and although I was in numerous technical conversations in the session we’d originally met in, he assumed I was in marketing. The data he’d already received in our interactions made this assumption odd, but then he confirmed, with all the technology I seemed to know, I must have an interesting technical history and asked what I’d done. I gave him a high level of my career, but once I finished, he said, “Well, I’m not as good at self-promotion as you are, but…” It was clear to me that he was uncomfortable with a woman who was comfortable with her accomplishments. At the same time, I wouldn’t have answered any differently if asked to do so again—this was his problem, not mine. I wasn’t looking for his approval of my path, and after a few months, I earned his respect, and he has relaxed with me significantly.

Navigating Up I do have a strong resume/CV, but this comes from working in numerous industries and technologies. I can’t see how I would have received the experience or exposure I have if I’d stayed at one company for 5–10 years. There’s one male peer in the community that introduces me to others and has joked, “Kellyn can’t keep a job…” because I have accepted new opportunities approximately every 2 years. I quickly correct him and ask how is it a negative thing to be in the top

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“Women in the Workplace,” 2018, https://womenintheworkplace.com/.

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Chapter 2 | The Complexities Behind the Challenges for Women in Technology 1% of your field in salary and experience? I pass this recommendation onto those technical professionals I mentor—only stay at jobs 2–3 years, and I advise this for several reasons: 1. Most companies don’t offer a pension, so current retirement plans can be rolled over to a new company. 2. Technology changes fast and to move to a new company can offer new opportunities to learn. A technologist with 10 years of experience at one company rarely can compete technically with another who’s had 10 years of experience with five companies. 3. The average raise is 2–7%, where a position with a new company can offer anywhere from 10 to 30% raise. This is a significant jump, and with gender pay gap due to time away from work to raise children and loss of promotion due to gender bias, this can really shrink that gap. A resume that displays work experience with changes of every 2 years rarely will be viewed negatively by Information Technology professionals who are looking to hire you. The amount of experience and pay increase that can be used to benefit your next career move will far outweigh any drawbacks.

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3 Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes As we navigate roles, companies, and our technical career, the topic of communication is going to come up. Communication is not just about how we speak, but about how we listen and observe. As I just started with Microsoft, I was given Satya Nadella’s new book, Hit Refresh.1 In it, he says, “Those who actively listen are more likely to be heard.” Active listening is a trait that you might think women excel at, but in truth, we have as many challenges with it as men. Where men speak and are less likely to listen, women listen, but don’t do so actively.2 A recent study by scholars from Brigham Young discovered that we’re either less likely to interact with the person speaking or fearful to speak up when we should.3 We nod our head, stating, “We hear you,” but, we’re Satya Nadella, Hit Refresh (Harper Collins Publishing), https://news.microsoft.com/ hitrefresh/. 2 “Sex Differences in Listening,” Corine Jansen, Director & Chair Global Listening Board, Global Listening Centre, http://www.globallisteningcentre.org/sexdifferences-in-listening/. 3 Women speak less when they’re outnumbered. Research shows how to improve group discussions and decisions, Brigham Young University, September 2012, https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2012-09/byu-wsl091812.php. 1

© Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_3

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes shaking our head to offer the speaker comfort and acceptance than to actively listen and interact with what is being said.4 When we do ask questions, we often ask the wrong ones (most likely knowing the answer, but attempting to assure the speaker that we were listening), while men then go into unnecessary detail and valuable time into an answer we already know, wasting the time on what really needs to be discussed. Women’s strong observations skills note when someone is closed to continued discussion and will avoid a direct approach even when one is needed (which falls into that trust and upbringing once again). It’s already been established by research that communication has less to do with what we say and more about how we say it (Figure 3-1).5 Micro-expressions, full facial expressions, inflections in our voice, and how the people around us respond says more than the words. In a world becoming more dependent upon email, social media and other forms of nonverbal communication, even with the debunked theory6 of nonverbal communication encompassing over 90%, we still should expect challenges.

Figure 3-1.  Nonverbal communication

4 “Gender Differences in Communication Style,” Point Park University, December 2017, https://online.pointpark.edu/public-relations-and-advertising/ gender-differences-communication-styles/. 5 Albert Mehrabian Communication Studies, Institute of Judicial Studies, December 2013, http://www.iojt-dc2013.org/~/media/Microsites/Files/IOJT/11042013Albert-Mehrabian-Communication-Studies.ashx. 6 “The 7% Rule: Fact, Fiction or Misunderstanding?,” Phillip Yaffe, Umbiquity, 2011, https:// ubiquity.acm.org/article.cfm?id=2043156.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Mentoring to Partnering Women empowerment tells us that we should be more direct in written communication7, but I also possess deep insight on this topic due to the complex and intriguing relationship with my spouse. My husband, Tim, was my first mentor in the database world. When I first met him, I was working for a company that was challenged with weak leadership. Tim was brought in to help smooth over the relationship between one of his contract Database Administrators (DBA) and my Lead DBA. His DBA was threatening to walk out of the contract, and Tim hoped to negotiate common ground between them. I remember the first meeting with him and was thoroughly impressed with his technical skills and the diplomatic way he dealt with everyone in the room. Afterward, the company hired Tim to teach the DBA team some advanced database skills we would need, and classes with him began immediately. This was my first DBA position, and I was considering leaving the database team to join the other Jr. DBA who’d departed for the project management team. There were stronger leadership and female mentors on that team, which was incredibly appealing, but I was torn due to my attraction to a deeper technical position. Upon finishing up the database backup and recovery class with Tim, he asked my manager if it was true that I’d be leaving the Database Administration team. After my boss confirmed, he advised him not to let that happen, as I’d surpassed anyone else in the class and had strong, natural skills, something we still call, “the knack.” Yes, the man that I ended up dating and marrying 8 years later was an essential sponsor that retained me in the technical industry.

Insider Information Over the years, our mentoring relationship has changed to one of professional partnership. Recently, there was a story8 that was circulating about two team members, one male and one female, who shared an e-mail account. The only thing different was their signature. The male peer was under the impression he was more efficient at his job and hadn’t really considered there were differences in how customers interacted with him vs. his female peer until a period he experienced a frustrated time of unnecessary questions, pushback, and roadblocks. It wasn’t until he realized he was sending all his emails with “Gender Communication Differences and Strategies, The Experience,” https://www.experience.com/advice/professional-development/ gender-communication-differences-and-strategies/. 8 “Male and Female Coworker Switched Signatures, Faced Sexism,” Newsweek, March 2017, https://www.newsweek.com/male-and-female-coworkers-switched-emailsignatures-faced-sexism-566507. 7

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes his female peer’s signature that he began to realize what might be occurring. He wanted to take the experiment further to gather more data, not believing what was happening. He asked his female peer, and she agreed to further the test, and they went a week with each sending emails with the other’s signature. The male coworker experienced one of the most frustrating weeks in his career. He found it took him twice as long to get anything done. People questioned him at every turn and wasted his time with unimportant details. He even had one customer try to ask him out. All the while, his female peer stated she had the easiest week of her career. People didn’t argue with him and just did what she requested of “him,” even offering to go the extra mile. This was a highly publicized story, but for my husband and I, it wasn’t anything we didn’t already know. There are only a few “known” couples in the Oracle community. For Tim and me, it was a partnership made in heaven. We work extremely well together, are part of the same groups, public and private, have served on boards together, and even worked for the same company until recently. There have been several instances where Tim has advised me to communicate as he commonly would. In just about every instance, when I’ve taken his advice, we’ve both regretted it. It wasn’t that I needed to adhere strictly to what is expected of a woman or “act like a man,” but that success depended on careful, small changes that bridged what would be an acceptable, direct approach by him with what was expected of a woman addressing the situation. In one situation,Tim felt I wasn’t being as direct with my manager as I needed to be. He knew this manager professionally for years and asked if I wouldn’t mind him rewriting my proposed email draft I planned to send. He had concerned about my manager bypassing professional boundaries and limitations he was putting around my professional endeavors. Tim wrote the email and although I was hesitant, I also didn’t have any data that said Tim was incorrect about me not being direct enough. I had been using careful diplomacy in hopes of coming to a compromise. Tim felt that because I hadn’t set clear boundaries and expectations in writing with him, this was the reason I was experiencing this challenge, and he assumed that the problem fell more in my approach. I chose to send the email he authored, and a prompt response from my manager was received. My manager stated that he was quite dissatisfied with how direct I was and felt that maybe I needed to consider looking for an opportunity with a new company. I want to make it clear—there was no doubt that I was performing at an exceptional level and had received excellent previous reviews. Although there was always another lead who carried the official title, I was the one that mentored and was accessible by the team of DBAs when they needed assistance. I was also performing a considerable amount outside my normal role, not only benefiting my career, but benefitting the company. I was speaking at conferences, writing articles, locating new talent, and doing webinars.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Post the email, the situation seemed to deescalate, but I was then asked to limit outside activities. The reason given was that it was a conflict of interest. I was far from the only employee performing these types of activities, but I was the only one asked to discontinue. The situation was an awakening for my husband, realizing he’d put my job at risk, and this alarmed him on how a mistakenly acceptable bias can appear when first confronted with it, even when the target is a spouse. In the years since, we’ve performed “tests” from time to time. Tim will recommend something, and I will send it to see how someone reacts. If I need something completed in a timely manner, and I’m experiencing a significant amount of time wasted on questions or demands that are impacting deadlines and Tim is a peer, I’ll ask him to send the same request separately. It’s both amazing and frustrating how quickly people are willing to get him what he needs or how little disagreement or questions he receives. I don’t like my time wasted, and when I want to get something done, it became easier to sometimes ask him to send an email or talk to another person who will waste a woman’s time with unnecessary questions and discussion. I highly recommend when women suspect her time is being wasted this way, find a trusted male peer to send the requests and see if their experience is different. It’s infuriating and if you’re incredibly busy, you don’t have time for this kind of bias to cost valuable time from you.

He Said, She Said In the beginning of this chapter, we discussed HOW we communicate is as important as what we say. There are biological differences in communication between men and women. We’re not going to deny that research.9 We also learn to communicate differently depending on our gender. As an example, when women nod their head, they are letting the person speaking know they hear them. When a man nods his head as another speaks to him, he is stating he agrees with them. It’s easy to see how this difference would create some confusion in mixed gender discussions. When speaking to a largely male attendance at a conference (OK, that’s almost all my sessions), I keep nodding at a minimum, but when at a WIT event, I will nod often, letting the audience, primarily consisting of women, know I hear them. 9 “Gender Differences in Communication Style,” Point Park University, December 2017, https://online.pointpark.edu/public-relations-and-advertising/ gender-differences-communication-styles/. “Sex Differences in Listening,” Corine Jansen, Director & Chair Global Listening Board, Global Listening Centre, http://www.globallisteningcentre.org/sex-differencesin-listening/.

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes There are also significant studies on upspeak,10 which is a term used when someone raises the tone of their voice at the end of a statement. It makes the sentence sound like a question and can remove the strength of a statement. It’s a communication style often identified with women and with a recommendation to avoid it. As women are instructed to be more direct and upspeak at the end of their sentences less, the recommendations can appear overly critical. As women’s voices are often higher pitched, even this can be a focus of criticism in a professional world that desires a commanding presence as a path to promotion. Simply changing a few things about the way, we converse can make a huge impact. • Make statements—Instead of “Can I count on this by EOD tomorrow?” Say, “I’ll expect this from you by EOD tomorrow.” • Write down an important idea or conversation point for every meeting or conversation you wish to have. Make a pact with yourself to contribute and be heard. • Write down notes to keep you on task and focus on the goal of the talk. Men tend to not think out loud and would like to get to the point. If you want to discuss at length or multiple topics, schedule a meeting and put an agenda so expectations are set. • Take a deep breath before you speak. It can keep your voice from being higher and keep from significant vocal inflections that can detract from the focus of your point. • Your physical presence can have an impact on your vocal one. Don’t be afraid to take up space. If it’s important to have your point heard, find ways to stand while speaking, with your feet even with your shoulders and even when sitting, sit up straight and consider putting your hands on your thighs, elbows out.

Uncomfortable Ambition When it comes to the topic of women and ambition, many people will tell you that they haven’t a problem with the combination, but upon viewing comments online about women in politics, those at the C-level, and any women challenging traditional roles, you’ll quickly realize that we have a long way to go. I’ve been

“What is Upspeak?” Yana Skorobogatov, Berkley, 2015, https://matrix.berkeley. edu/research/whats-upspeak. 10

Crushing the IT Gender Bias part of extensive discussions on the discomfort people feel when women embrace their ambition. I have worked primarily with men in my career, and just as when we’re young, we emulate what the adults around us are doing, we take this learned skill with us into the business world, emulating those around us. As my career prospered in a male-dominated field, it shouldn’t be surprising that I began to emulate the strategies and approaches taken by my male peers. I quickly noticed a pattern in how different people responded to me approaching situations like the men around me. For years, I chalked it up to specifics about me that caused others to respond less than enthusiastically vs. when my male peers did the same. It wasn’t until I started speaking to other women, who described the same response, that I realized it was so often due to my gender. If you’re picturing men as the offenders of this response, as with other areas of bias, I discovered it’s all genders that are uncomfortable with women’s ambition. Other women were just as likely to react negatively to other women as men were. Women are almost as likely to be bullies in a workplace as their male peers.11 There’s a lot of data that identifies this as a response to bias12— the women were advised to be tough or act more like men and have chosen a path of abusive behavior to demonstrate what they think that means. I’ve never found any research to substantiate if there’s upbringing or bias involved, but those that I’ve known to behave in bully behavior did fit a certain pattern. There does exist historical data that demonstrates that in most cultures women are raised to “police” other women.13 When this policing occurs with a demonstrated bias, it can be difficult for us to call out because this is a woman being biased against their own gender. When bias is displayed against the opposite gender, it’s much simpler for society to know how to react. We prefer to use slang terms, such as “cat fight,” and I’ve often heard successful women policing the other women around them referred to as “Queen Bees.” Women who are designated as Queen Bees have a difficult role in society. I discovered that they often were pioneers in their career and professional groups. There was no doubt in my mind that they possessed strong leadership skills but often admitted to me that they were accused of being “bossy.” They’d commonly experienced more significant challenges than women who came after them, as they were the ones to pave the way. Due to overwhelming “Women Bullies,” Workplace Bullying Institute, June 2017, http://www. workplacebullying.org/tag/women-bullies/. 12 “Hostile Attribution Bias Precursors and Aggression,” Paul Baumback, June 2017, https://socialcognition3330n.wordpress.com/2018/01/11/ hostile-attribution-bias-precursors-and-aggression/. 13 “Gender Development: Concepts and Definitions, Hazel Reeves and Sally Baden,” Bridge of Development Studies and prepared for the Department for International Development, 2000, http://www.bridge.ids.ac.uk/sites/bridge.ids.ac.uk/files/reports/ re55.pdf. 11

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes experiences with bias and previous discrimination, they may have made concessions to get where they are, as less was opportunities were presented to them and less representation present for them to challenge the expected role these women would play. A few of the women who came before us in my technical community built up defenses to ensure survival in an environment that wasn’t as welcoming to them and didn’t have the policies that are in place today. As these stories were shared with me, I recognize how far we’ve come in just recent years. Due to this history, these women react to bias a bit differently than their younger counterparts. They’re more likely to view an inappropriate situation or being bypassed for an opportunity by shrugging it off and/or claim it doesn’t affect them. As the younger generation begins to navigate into their arena and they feel threatened, I experienced less direct attacks by these women against their competition as a way to solidify their standing or in misdirected self-defense. There was no doubt that they had worked hard to get where they are, and they viewed a younger, competent woman as a viable threat in a world dominated by men. I found that identifying ways to deescalate the situation without giving up my goal or agenda was important to overcoming the situation. One of the best ways to win them over to your side is to be there to defend them when these women that made targets of you are the targets of bias themselves.

The Token Woman There’s significant discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of having set quotas of women in tech.14 Some feel the representation by having a quota will inoculate those that aren’t used to seeing women in the industry, helping to build it to the norm. Others feel it is the wrong way to introduce women, and that by having quotas, the men already present will be sidelined, as well as bias unaddressed. A “token quota” occurs when a group, board, event, etc. locates a woman in the industry and involves her, either as the “token female” ignoring all other women or having a woman involved, but not contributing in her area of specialty. When I first started presenting in the technical community, I discovered that the few women already present were often bypassed for me, as I was the new woman to fill the quota. These peers would be told, “We already have a woman keynote/on the panel/speaking,” and this created some resentment toward me. It gives the impression that there’s only one seat at the table for a woman to be part of the group and creates competition between the women present. It deters them from supporting each other and

“What Boards Really Think of Gender Quotas,” Harvard Business Review, November 2016, https://hbr.org/2016/11/what-board-directors-really-thinkof-gender-quotas. 14

Crushing the IT Gender Bias improving representation. As I started to understand this (and experienced it for myself as some of the women I was mentoring started to get noticed and replaced my “seat at the table”), I truly understood the complexities of this bias. When we were asked to do Women in Tech events that didn’t highlight our technical skills or just have us contribute our time toward “feel good” events, I made the decision to decline. Representation is important, but it must be done correctly. When women around me were ignored while I continued to be recognized, I tried to highlight their accomplishments and have them receive the same recognition as I had. It was as important to sponsor the women already present in the industry as it was to support those coming in.

Being There for Each Other When I experience a situation where bias is evident from a female peer, it can be very difficult to understand, let alone know how to react. Over the years, I’ve had to face it subliminally in myself, as we need to remember, bias can be very unconscious. I would be forced to ask myself, “How would I respond if it was a male peer that was involved?” It can be very humbling to realize that we are exposed to bias as part of sociably acceptable behavior from the very beginning of our lives and to be honest with ourselves creates personal growth. If I’m the target of the bias, I take the situation apart and try to see if through the other person’s eyes. I do what I can to diffuse the situation that is the cause. Now, this is not to say that I accept poor treatment from someone. As we’ve discussed earlier, you can be sensitive to other’s feelings and still stand your ground. When a fellow woman mistreats me in person or online, I’ll try to give them the benefit of the doubt but expect the incident to be a one-time situation. If it occurs more than once, I’ve been known to remove myself from their circle of influence. As I don’t like to have my time wasted, I also don’t have a lot of patience for what I consider foolishness.

Just Say It Bias dictates that women are expected to be kinder with their words.15 We’ve all heard that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. I, instead, became quite skilled in saying what needed to be said in a way that people “Performance Review Study of Women in Tech Get Criticized More than Men,” Amanda Marcotte, Slate, August 2014, https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/08/ performance-review-study-women-in-tech-get-criticized-more-than-men-areseen-as-abrasive.html. 15

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes wanted to hear it. The goal is to remember what you wish to get out of the conversation, no matter if it’s an apology, an agreement, or a compromise, say what will help everyone come to that goal. Even with this goal, I hear descriptions of interactions with me that are far different from what occurred. We can be very uncomfortable with women who are direct, and due to this, women have developed ways of saying things that can be interpreted to mean different things depending on vocal tone, inflection, and facial expressions.16 When this happens, it’s good to discuss directly with the person who is misinformed and clear up situations before they become unmanageable. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. If the person seems unreasonable, you may have no other choice. Remember to recognize your effort. Karma has a way of showing that person’s true colors to those involved, and you get to save time and valuable energy.

Bless Her Heart Women are highly skilled in communication, and nothing is more evident of this than how Southern women are recognized for the multiple meanings behind the saying, “Bless your heart.” Uttering those three words can mean: 1. They admire you. 2. They feel sorry for you. 3. They are fed up with you. 4. They think you’re an idiot. 5. They may be planning on how to poison you at dinner. Hopefully, #5 isn’t the case, but I have no doubt that each of you were hearing a lovely, southern drawl in your head, repeatedly saying, “Bless your heart” with different inflections and meaning something completely different each time. As we’ve discussed in other chapters, communication is a complex skill. Women in turn need to keep in mind that although their intent and the inflection in their voice may say one thing, the receiver may take offense to a woman using the same direct communication style a man would. It’s worth the time to ask the listener to repeat what you’ve said and verify that everyone is on the same page and the message was received in the way it was intended.

“Gender Communication Differences and Strategies,” The Experience, https://www.experience.com/advice/professional-development/ gender-communication-differences-and-strategies/. 16

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Self-Worth Salary and benefits are at the center of the gender pay gap, with sites that claim to provide salary transparency, yet there is significant disagreement on the topic.17 As I mentored men and women, there was a distinct difference in the percentage of salary mentoring that was required for the women vs. the men. I understood the challenges these women were facing. I can be quite direct, and I’m not afraid to ask questions that others might avoid, but I also have a knack for diplomacy, although it hasn’t always granted me success in every situation. Around 2010, I noticed a gulf in my salary vs. my male peers. Men who had less experience and less responsibility were gaining higher salary increases and “official” titles than I was receiving. I wasn’t afraid of hanging out with the guys in happy hour and networking events, and I found that after a beer or two, the guys started to discuss topics that we’d always been told were off limits. They started to share their salaries and how they’d been offered titles that I’d been told weren’t an option, against the current preferred style of upper management or hadn’t previously existed. The common story was that men were asking for titles and salary increases that women weren’t, yet in almost every instance, none of this had occurred. In fact, my research showed that women were often more direct than the men involved, yet the conversation was dismissed.18 I was reminded of a contract I’d held; all the while, the company had discussed how strongly they wanted to bring me on full time. When the offer arrived the last day of my contract, the salary on paper was $20,000 less than I had discussed with them. The CIO wasn’t surprised by my disappointment and proceeded to explain what had happened. A month before my contract was up, they had hired an Applications Manager, and she had accepted a very low salary vs. what would have been expected for someone in her position. After she was hired, a reorganization occurred that moved me to report to her, and unbeknownst to me, there was a company policy that no employee could make within 5% of the manager they reported to, so my offer was impacted due to the reporting change. To make this very clear, the new Application Manager was quite competent and had excellent leadership skills. I had already built a solid rapport with her and enjoyed working for her in just the few weeks she’d been on the job.

Top 20 Salary Sites: https://www.top20sites.com/top-salary-comparison-sites. Top Salary Comparison Tools: https://fitsmallbusiness.com/salary-comparisontools/. 18 “Women Aren’t Paid Less Because They Aren’t Asking…,” Rachel Gillett, Business Insider, September 2016, https://www.businessinsider.com/asking-for-whatyou-want-is-great-career-advice-if-youre-a-man-2016-9. 17

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes To this day, I don’t know if she were unaware of what she should have been paid or simply accepted a low offer because of another reason, but never did ask. The Application Manager, the CIO, and I spoke for some time about how to handle the insufficient offer and felt that a salary negotiation would be the best course of action. They didn’t want to lose me, but they were a bit worried. The CEO was not known for his people skills and everyone seemed, well, scared of him. I was confident that due to my salary history and experience that it wouldn’t be an issue and that with the support of the Application Manager, the chance of a successful negotiation was very high. We met with the CEO the next week, and although he was not the most personable man, he asked me questions I found fair enough, and we proceeded with the negotiation. The Application Manager made it very clear that due to my technical skills and all that I accomplished, she felt I deserved the salary I was requesting and that she had no issue with me making more than her. The CEO closed the meeting with no indication one way or the other on how he would answer the negotiation but asked for some time to investigate the request.

Thanks for Playing I received a call that evening from my contracting company. They were quite flustered and simply said that they’d been contacted by the CEO and that they weren’t sure how to tell me this, as they hadn’t heard anything but great things about me, but that the CEO simply stated that my contract was up and that they had decided not to renew. My services were no longer required. I was cautiously told to not contact them and not to raise any argument regarding the decision that the CEO could make it difficult for me in the industry. At the time, my career wasn’t where it is today, and although taken aback, I quietly accepted what I was told and accepted the decision. I was frustrated at being treated in such a way, but having three children to feed, I brushed myself off, put my resume out, and within three days was hired at a new company at a salary over what I had originally asked for from the previous. Now you might think this is where the story ends, but no, there’s a follow-up that offered insight into the impact of accepting a low salary. The previous company interviewed for my replacement, at the low salary offer for quite a few months. I still went to lunch with a previous coworker and was informed that they’d finally hired someone, and I knew the woman they’d chosen. I’d worked with her husband back when I was a Jr. DBA, and her best friend had been “Ann.” I was very surprised to hear that this woman,“June,” had accepted the position at such a low rate, considering her senior level of skills, and Ann and I worked together again a year later. I asked her why she thought June had taken the job. Ann said June’s husband was making a very good living and that June had experienced some issues in her previous job with a workplace bully and decided to accept the low salary offer to leave the previous situation.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias June didn’t stay for very long, though. Within a year, she left, having a difficult time dedicated to a position that she wasn’t being paid what she was worth. Subsequently, the company replaced the DBA position with new candidates, more than one per year, at the same, low salary rate. From discussions with previous coworkers, the quality degraded, and the CEO became more and more concerned that database administrators weren’t very valuable to the company. In the last interaction I had with my previous coworkers, I heard, they were considering scrapping the position of database administrator completely from the team and simply have databases supported by the application department. What have we learned about the impact of low salary acceptance, even when it’s just to get out of a miserable work environment? Every time a woman does accept a low salary, it often impacts more than just her quality of life, but other women around her. It can impact their salary rate for the long term by setting her back. Most companies will ask in the negotiation phase of any hiring process what the candidate made at her or his previous or current position, and this is data provided as part of employment verification with most major companies. The impact to the company making the low offer may not be as apparent. Offering low salaries for highly technical positions impacts the quality of the candidates received and often costs the company more in dedication and turnover due to lack of satisfaction.

Increasing Our Value Workplace bullies come in many forms and they cost companies more money in poor decisions than we often consider.19 A common theme, as discussed, is that employees don’t leave companies; they leave bosses, and no more is this prevalent than when control issues have been confused with leadership skills. One of the most important things to remember when approaching a negotiation is that it’s not just about your value as an employee, but what it will cost the company to replace you. • What will be the salary expectations of a new candidate for your position? • What is the cost of training, transition, and on boarding? • What will it cost the company in lost time, productivity, and tribal knowledge?

“The Costs of Bullying to the Workplace,” Overcomebullying.org, Parris, Wolfe and Assoc. https://www.overcomebullying.org/costs-of-bullying.html. 19

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes As we determine our true value to our employers, we need to take these all into consideration. The cost to the industry because managers didn’t consider this is astronomical, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to politely but directly discuss this with your manager as you broach the topic of negotiation. My experience was an outlier, and it’s important to know that everything happens for a reason. No matter what your faith (spiritual or religious), you need to believe in yourself and that something better will come along. Knowing how to broach the topic of salary increases is an area that wasn’t discussed in my career. Before I entered my first salary negotiation, I did a lot of research to educate myself on not just tactics, but the basic steps. One of the things I learned is that women must approach the topic, often pointing out how the negotiation could be more beneficial to the company than for themselves. “I would appreciate the opportunity to negotiate an increase in my current pay/a title change/etc. with the company. I know the incredible cost increases with the loss of employee expertise, the hiring process, including candidate search and interviewing, then transition. I would be negligent if I didn’t approach this in a professional manner and ask that we consider a promotion/ salary increase vs. simply searching out a new position with a new company.” This preceding approach and language demonstrated exactly how the company, not just you, can benefit from giving you a raise. When hoping for a pay increase, this is a common way to distract from bias and focus on a common benefit. In negotiations, a woman doesn’t have to go through it alone. In a previous chapter, we discussed the often-lacking benefit if technical professionals remain at one company for an extended period beyond 3 or 4 years. Any company that is looking to have an employee, especially a technical one, for over 5 years isn’t looking at the reality of a career in the present-day arena. This signals the important aspect of putting individuals with strong leadership skills in place to make the most of the technical professionals you have. Investing in their future helps drive the company’s future. I believe an employee won’t leave a company which continues to challenge the employee technically, provides technical career advancement, and treats the employee well professionally, personally, and financially. Even if you are hired with a great manager, you may find that there is a change in leadership at some point and the natural course is to change groups or change companies. Hopefully, we all have worked at companies where the manager exceeded our expectations, we had great team members, and the work was challenging. This should only make you strive to have this type of workplace as often as possible. The idea that work must be miserable and that we should dread it goes against why we went into our technical careers in the first place.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias We hopefully had a passion for tech, and our goal is to be productive and grow with our career. That’s not to say that we won’t have days we’d like to forget; it’s just saying that the good days should far outweigh the bad.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive As women are stereotypically poor at negotiating for themselves, I learned one trick that has served me well all my career. In my experience, women will negotiate for other women with a fervor that simply can’t be found anywhere with male mentors or peers. It may be due to women being raised as care givers we’re more likely to provide insight and tell another woman where she is being shorted in an offer. Some of the women who have provided this incredible value to my negotiations stressed that they wanted me to have the information they wish they’d had when they’d started with the company. No matter male or female, inside resources with a potential employer to review your offer can put you at a significant advantage. When I was reviewing my offers at Oracle back in 2014, my mentor Mary Melgaard reviewed my offers, and with her internal knowledge from working at Oracle for over 2 decades offered me valuable advice about the department management health, any changes that should be made to the offer, and even the organization level I should come in at. Since then, I’ve always tried to network inside a company before working for them, finding trusted resources that can offer valuable insights to salary, internal organization levels that may be cryptic to those outside of the organization and provide what benefits and perks can be negotiated into the offer.

Salary Is Not the Only Negotiation When an offer is put on the table, if you aren’t jumping to sign it, then ask yourself why? What are the sticking points? 1. Is there a new technical area that you’ll have responsibility for? Ask for a training class to be part of the offer. 2. Insurance lapse between the previous and new position? Let the hiring manager know that you are sincerely interested, but that you, (or your family) can’t go without insurance and ask if they can cover the cost of cobra. One company offered a mentee a signing bonus that paid for hers. 3. Loss in sick days? See if you can gain more float or vacation days to compensate.

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes 4. Going from a team to working on your own? The loss of technical team learning can be significant. Ask for time to attend user groups or technical conferences to help support your learning. 5. Flex time, either to work hours that are more supportive of personal demands or work from home. Severance packages are one more income area that needs to be considered. As technology moves fast, severance should be viewed as an opportunity and not a failure. I accepted voluntary severance after consolidating a company’s data center due to an acquisition. I started another opportunity without any time off, but if you find yourself in this situation, you should consider a negotiation just like any other. 1. Often, you’ll find out there is some negotiating room for severance packages. Find out what others are receiving and then decide what are the important goals for your own. 2. Consider paid cobra or training classes as part of your severance if there isn’t the option to increase the financial payout. 3. Again, reach out to trusted confidants and ask them to review and give you honest feedback of the package. A mentor may have insight that you didn’t consider. What if the company can’t come up with the salary you were hoping for? Take the time to find out the schedule for yearly reviews. Ensure that you won’t go more than a year with a review, and even better, see if you can schedule a special review 3 or 6 months in, with an opportunity to increase your salary at that time. Make a list of what is important to you and the future of your career. No, money isn’t everything, but if you aren’t getting paid what you’re worth, you’re likely to leave. Turnover is costly to any company due to loss in productivity, training, signing bonuses, and the likes. It’s worth it not just to you, but the company you’d considering that they are making an offer that is worth it to you to stay.

When Opportunity Knocks When I was writing my first book I was lead author on, I wanted at least one female coauthor. There were some incredibly skilled women in the field of monitoring and automation at that time. I didn’t hesitate to reach out to a few of them and ask if they were interested in writing a chapter. I hadn’t had any

Crushing the IT Gender Bias difficulty finding male coauthors and found a few that volunteered to write chapters that had very little technical expertise in the area. The women I reached out to and even invited to be a coauthor reacted very differently to my request to author with me. There was doubt about if they were qualified and hesitation to accept the opportunity, and the two women I approached asked to be given time to verify that they could meet the demands of writing on a book. For these two women, it was a couple of months before I heard back from them, and by then, the opportunity to be an author was gone. As many of us already know, the women wanted to ensure that they were 110% qualified and available to complete the task they were signing up for yet ended up missing out due to hesitation to ensure that they were the right individuals for the task.20 The male authors didn’t seem to have this challenge. Many of them answered me immediately and I’ve often been told that I respond like most men—I say yes and work through the challenges afterward. I trust myself to know if I can accomplish something without a lot of hesitation. When mentoring women who are interested in opportunities coming their way, I’ll often tell them not to overthink the opportunity and simply say yes. The details will work themselves out later. We worry so much about everything and everyone else that we put ourselves last. My parents once told me that they had to come first. If they didn’t, there was no way for them to then be there for us children. As a child, I was first quite insulted by this. Shouldn’t I come first? As I grew older, I realized the wisdom. If caretakers don’t care for themselves first, they are weakened and aren’t able to be there for those they are caring for. There is a lesson for all of us here. There is also no better thing you can do for your children than to set a good example. We can hope that children do as you say, not as you do, but children are very observant. What you do and how you live can have an incredible impact on our children. When my youngest, Josh, came with me for “bring your child to work day,” he was approximately 6 years old the first time he came with me. Josh doesn’t look a lot like me, with his blond hair and blue eyes, but he sure has my energy level. They’d separated off and were doing projects with those assigned to navigate the kids through the day. They finally slowed him down enough by putting him into one of the office chairs, which he spun in fast circles and tasked him to draw what they thought an IT person looked like. Although both my son’s parents are techies, he drew a woman. The Business Intelligence Manager looked at the picture, and said, “I know who your mother is!!” Even though he has two parents that are techies, it was

“Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified,” Harvard Business Law, August 2014, https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unlesstheyre-100-qualified. 20

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes me he saw working on a PC regularly, and I was the representation of what an IT person was. Setting an example, having a strong work ethic and setting priorities for everything in my life created representation of what a woman in tech is.

Mixed Messages So why do men hesitate less than women when opportunity knocks? Men (and women who are raised with more male influence) are taught to take risks and to be concerned less with the details. They are taught that if they don’t accept when opportunity knocks, someone else will surely answer the call. They are taught to trust themselves more vs. the challenges ahead. As we discussed earlier, boys are more likely to communicate with insults and challenge each other. Due to this, it’s easy to understand why boys begin to trust themselves at a much earlier age than girls. Once they are adults, there are less mixed messages given to men and really—are they going to listen to them to begin with? Much less likely. Let’s focus on the number of mixed messages women receive. Women start hearing these messages, much more so than men, from early on. From what we wear, to what we eat, to who we’re friends with and who we date. I didn’t realize how much until I observed the messages given to my daughter vs. my sons. Relatives would only seem to be worried about my sons’ dating. If they were interested in someone, that was all they seemed to care about, and they left it be. My daughter, on the other hand, she should wear makeup and be thinner than she already was, and then when she did wear makeup, it was too much, and she was too thin and needed to gain weight so she would attract the boys. They’d want her to wear a dress when she was a pre-teen, but then as she started to mature and appreciate dresses more, they cautioned her not to dress too sexy. They were very focused on much skin she was showing at a given time. There would be a desire for her to stay their “little girl” and at the next moment discussions about how “at her age” my mother-in-law had already given birth to her father. She just graduated and was alarmed at her grandmother’s comments about how all the girls in her class were dressed skimpy and that she needed to cover up more, yet then commented on how attractive a young woman was on the street that was dressed in the same dress she had on. As with family dinners, she returned anxious and frustrated by the stark difference in how I was raising her and the expectations that she couldn’t meet with them.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias As bias is often learned, I also recall how frustrated my ex-husband was when I cut my daughter’s hair into a short, bob cut. He curtly told me that he wanted to be able to brush her hair and put it in ponytails and braids. I reminded him that she had fine, straight hair that tangled into a massive knot every morning, and he wasn’t the one to hear her cry each brushing. He demanded that he have a child so that he could fulfill this parental fantasy. I told him that our youngest, Josh, had lovely, blond curls, and we could grow his hair out for this purpose. I rarely heard a complaint after that, but it reminds us how tied we are to traditions and gender identification in daily routines.

Too Direct for Direction My direct communication style has served me as well as it’s caused me difficulties. Research discusses the benefits that could be had if women were more direct,21 but as I was more likely to interact with men as a child and didn’t have many girls for friends growing up, I am more direct and possess a masculine communication style. I can tell you it’s not so and the research proves this.22 I have experienced managers who’ve gone to HR, complaining that I’m too aggressive, and luckily, I’ve had HR representatives that have corrected them and said, “No, she’s not aggressive, she’s assertive and that’s not her problem, but yours.” Some managers will quickly face their bias, as it often is unconscious, and move forward to have a productive professional relationship with me as their employee. As I’m forthcoming with feedback (some would say assertive about feedback), I’ve been known to grow a manager in ways most employees won’t offer. I always try to be constructive and sensitive to a manager’s needs from me. Many times, it will only become apparent to me after a couple of conversations that they’re uncomfortable with my direct communication style, and I then need to adjust to help them acclimate to it. It’s only gracious to try to meet in the middle somewhere. It’s not about being less me but to keep my eye on the goal and try to achieve the most productivity I can. As people rarely leave companies, but commonly leave managers, I’ve been asked by those I’ve mentored what is the single most common red flag I’ve noticed that has been an indicator of a manager that I won’t be able to succeed with. When a manager says to me, “You hurt my feelings” or “My feelings were hurt,” this is the red flag that makes me cringe. I know upon hearing this that I’m in troubled waters. If a peer says this, you can often “Women Need to be More Direct,” University of Buffalo, December 1998, http://www. buffalo.edu/ubreporter/archive/vol30/vol30n14/n5.html. 22 “Gender Inequality and Women in the Workplace,” Harvard Summer School, http:// www.summer.harvard.edu/inside-summer/gender-inequality-women-workplace. 21

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes work around them and hopefully come to an understanding. You’re on equal ground, and it might be a nuisance, but you hopefully will make it work. When it’s a manager, then it has the real makings of a serious problem: 1. This is a statement that a male manager or peer won’t say to another man. 2. The response stems from an inability for the manager or peer to view you in the same light as a male in the same role. 3. They are interacting with women as they interact with their mother or romantic partner, responding only with emotion and most likely had few female friends that they weren’t connected to romantically. 4. It will be difficult to resolve disagreements or fulfill your potential with a manager that only sees you in a limited light. I’ve experienced this red flag on multiple occasions, and every woman I’ve mentored or experienced this described it as one of the most difficult management situations they’ve gone through.

Failed Launch I was always attracted to technology, but as I was a child of the 1970s, there wasn’t the opportunity or the technology we have today to call it that. I lived for my Legos and tended to take apart and re-assemble small electronics. No one saw it as a future career at that time, and we were just getting into the “blue and pink aisles” of the 1980s, so my parents weren’t set on getting me girl’s toys, but I also didn’t get chemistry sets or the first computers available. I was a loner by nature, and once I received a small, electronic Spelling Bee with a monochrome calculator display, I was happy for hours, upon hours playing with it. Due to my loner status, I was rarely part of a group, so I had to take opportunities when they came, as others were more likely to choose their friends. These experiences lead me to trust myself more, and many teased me, stating that I would fail at whatever I was doing. I worked twice as hard to prove everyone wrong.

Misdirection My experience with my own communication style is an excellent reminder of the mixed messages we send women in a quest to be more direct. The men I married were often thrilled that I “wasn’t like other women.” I spoke in a direct

Crushing the IT Gender Bias manner and was clear about my needs. It wasn’t until after my second divorce that I noticed something interesting. My children’s father had repeatedly stated that I had left him unexpectedly and that he was unprepared. After hearing this, I asked him if he remembered the weekly discussions where I sat him down and explained the frustrations I was experiencing. I would calmly state how I needed things to change in our marriage, as I was close to filing for divorce. He remembered the talks but didn’t seem to correlate it with my ending the relationship. Upon my last divorce, I heard very similar comments by my other ex-husband. When asked about why my consistent discussions with him about my frustrations and dissatisfaction hadn’t made him realize I wasn’t getting what I needed to continue our marriage, he disclosed that he hadn’t felt a need to take the discussions seriously. Like my ex-husband before him, because I was calm and direct, he’d underestimated my level of dissatisfaction and frustration. As much as we read articles on men desiring a woman who is direct and says what she means, in my own experience, I found that bias required me to be emotionally charged and hysterical, otherwise I wasn’t taken seriously. This goes back to a lack of trust, too. Although I was quite clear about my intentions to divorce if some type of compromise couldn’t be put in place, both ex-husbands claimed they thought I wasn’t seriously considering divorce due to my calm demeanor. The next time you hear that a woman just reacted without any discussion on her part, ask her if she’s spoken to anyone about the problem. We tend to assume that women overreact when they’re upset and then under estimate their statements when they are calm like society requests of them. You may discover that there’s evidence that she was very clear, and I ask that if she states that she did speak up, BELIEVE HER. Nothing calls out to us that there’s no reason to speak up than to be second guessed. We need to learn to listen to the words that women use. The more often we’re dealing with women in male-dominated fields or have more masculine communication styles, the more likely that they won’t fall into traditionally feminine expected behavior when in discussions, so it is essential to leave stereotypes outside the workplace as much as possible.

Happy, Shiny People Over 98% of Women in Tech panels that I seek are populated with women who seem to have it all. Creating a WIT panel should be a logical process, but often, they leave the attendees to sit in front of representatives whose achievements seem unattainable or the audience feels like failures upon the end of the event. A panel should inspire but also resonate with the attendees. The panel must also be relatable, so if the panel seems unauthentic, this can

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes cause the session to just as easily fail. Sheryl Sandburg, as relatable as she was in her book, Lean In, still received incredible amounts of criticism.23 We’ve been discussing how incredibly critical of women we can be. Someone will question why a woman has chosen to work, if they stay home, if they lean in, or if they stand back. For Sheryl, there was so little representation at that tier in management that for those who didn’t have dreams of a C-level position (CEO, COO, CIO, etc.), she was still a woman they wouldn’t relate to. Every WIT panel I’ve designed I’ve attempted to have one C-level, but I would include myself as a woman who had a distinct technical career path. Then, I’d try to also have someone mid-level in their career, someone who was just starting to grow, and then one man. As I often state, we’re all part of the solution, and I have always deterred from being part of a WIT panel that didn’t include one man. You don’t want to have a WIT panel that was all men—that makes no sense whatsoever, but the only way you can include men in the conversation is to make them also feel welcome, and to do that, a man on the panel who can explain how they can be more of an ally toward inclusion makes a huge difference. Women in Technology initiatives, when part of Diversity and Inclusion, have come a long way, but many of them, in my opinion, don’t have “teeth.” In other words, they simply discuss women’s technical career challenges but forget to follow through to create processes and policies to change the numbers. You’ll recognize these types of programs when women and people of color aren’t moving up into management positions. They aren’t able to represent and impact the bias that is part of the reason for the status quo. The initiatives in place must mature past just talking about the problems but doing something about them. We must be able to view a clear path for women and people of color to be promoted to management and leadership positions. I’ve also found that these programs shy away from authentic conversation. There’s consistently a request to only promote positive, feel-good statements. These groups are great for anyone who wants to avoid uncomfortable conversations about gender and bias. They are great for networking events, but if a woman’s technical career is stalling because of any of the challenges that we’ve discussed in this book, these events will most likely not provide them options for how to address them constructively. One of the women I collaborate with on numerous projects refers to these groups as “the shiny/happy people.” To know the difference and that these groups provide value, just a different value as groups that address bias and challenges, is important. We’re all part of the solution.

“Sheryl Sandberg Lean In Backlash, the Read Reason”, Chatelaine, April 2013, https://www.chatelaine.com/living/budgeting/sherylsandberg-lean-in-backlash-the-real-reason-behind-the-criticism/ 23

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Title Wave Our culture often underestimates what women are capable of, even with sayings like, “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman,” but we still credit what the man accomplishes to him. When the situation is reversed, it’s very common for the man to be credited still. As my husband and I are in the same business and serve in the same groups, my husband becomes exasperated with how often people thank or congratulate him for work I’m doing that has nothing to do with him. I recognize that this must be happening to women in technology with their male peers, too. It’s not just for those women that may be hesitant to speak up about their accomplishments but also for those that clearly have done the work, but the credit still goes without concern to their male coworkers. I’ve received numerous emails, more than I can count, from women who’ve felt that credit for their work has gone to others. They’ve recognized the impact to their career in the way of bypassed promotions and missed project opportunities. It’s difficult for a manager to award appropriately when they believe that an achievement has been accomplished by someone other than the technologist who performed it. This is where our allies come in and when everyone is part of the solution. They step up and correct misinformation crediting another with an accomplishment performed by a woman in technology. Every small accomplishment credited to another is a step backward in their career path.

Step by Step To attract the best applicants, the title will need to match the opportunity. I have a very rare combination of technical, speaking, and management skills. This has allowed me to create my own title that helps direct my career in the manner I wish. Upon hiring me to replace someone, a previous employer had combined two positions. Although I wouldn’t be part of marketing, the position had the dreaded “marketing” as part of the title. I carefully and strategically negotiated as part of my offer, letting the manager know that the title was the one thing deterring me from signing on the dotted line. I was able to immediately use my preferred title on LinkedIn, and within 6 months, the official title was changed internally with HR, too. If someone states that titles aren’t important at a company, the first thing is to identify that title of the person stating it. There may be a natural response for those that have achieved to protect that standing and deter others from achieving it and remove the view that it’s difficult to attain. We all want to be special. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless it is used to impact the path of another. Once you identify the individual’s title and determine if the fact

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes they’ve already achieved a title was a factor, then focus on this aspect of having a title and request it again. There are certain words used to describe them which come up repeatedly when women discuss their failed requests for titles: • Too ambitious • Power hungry • Aggressive • Political (a hierarchy can be viewed this way) • Non–team player Titles aren’t just important to the job you hold or are going to hold. It also leads you to better salaries and opportunities down the road. You will receive a higher salary and larger bonus with the title of “Lead” than you will without. “Acting Lead” means very little when someone is validating your employment history with HR. Few companies are using professional references in this day and again, the person collecting this information rarely will know you were the “acting lead,” nor will they care, and simply wants to know if you performed the tasks of the title you held.

Mansplain It to Me “Mansplaining” can be an infuriating experience for most women. The official definition of mansplaining is, “the explanation of something by a man, typically to a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.”24 If women take the time to explain why someone shouldn’t do it, then we often sound like the pot calling the kettle black. You will rarely find someone with strong leadership skills mansplaining. The need to do so is sourced from personality traits that aren’t keen to a strong leader as this personality trait is sourced on insecurities. Research will also add that mansplaining sources from how men and women differ on how they view networking.25 Where women may shut out another woman they are competing with, a man will try to “one up” the other man, as they view the competition more like a ladder, with a challenge to demonstrate who is smartest at the top. This need to outsmart each other can bleed over to proving themselves as worthwhile in a woman’s eyes while competing with other men, causing them to explain factual data, even on topics the woman he’s explaining it to may be more educated on. 24

http s : / / w w w . m e rriam-webster.com/words-at-play/mansplainingdefinition-history. 25 “Why Men Mansplain Explained,” Inc., https://www.inc.com/jill-krasny/why-menmansplain-explained.html.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I’ve had my share of mansplaining. An interesting situation came up recently where I was speaking at a conference in Quebec. A fellow speaker began to explain to me, in detail, what it meant to be French–Canadian. He stated that he wasn’t French–Canadian himself, but that I needed to know the ire between the Canadians and French–Canadian all sourced from a specific historical incident. He continued to drive the point home for over 20 minutes, and I noted that the other speakers around the table had either put on earbuds, were busy on tasks, or looked at me and rolled their eyes. Noticing their behavior, I was confident that I wasn’t the only one recognizing that the individual explanation was going on a bit too long and he trying to impress me more than was required to get his point across. Yes, he wasn’t trying to mansplain purposefully, but he was doing so, nonetheless. At no time did he ask what my nationality was, and to be honest, he had made it clear that he’d known who I was since 2009. I wasn’t able to get many words in edgewise, but I’d hoped to redirect the conversation by explaining that my family came to Ontario through Nova Scotia in the late 1700s. I concluded that I must not have explained I was French–Canadian very well and let him finish and then depart. One of the speakers who’d had his earbuds in took them out and shook his head, laughing. He said, “Good ol’ , he’s a consultant and he’s seen your name on every consulting contract he’s signed. He should have known better than to explain what a French–Canadian is to you!” My maiden name, PotVin, translates directly from French as “bottle of wine,” but in Quebec, it’s slang for bribe. What I didn’t know was that every contract is in French and requires you to sign off that you won’t accept any “bribes.” It’s part of the code of conduct, but just as slang has become part of standard American language, so has it become part of Quebec French. Quebec is one of the oldest areas settled in the Americas and in the olden days, even before the fur trade, alcohol was currency. In New Jersey, you might often here the slang term “grease money” for a bribe; in Quebec, they use “potvin.” When mansplaining does happen to you, it’s important to find a way to offer inner peace by understanding the source or need to “mansplain.” It sources from culture—a culture that expects a man to know the answers and solutions to every problem to move ahead of those around him. The need to explain in detail vs. courteously taking the time to find out if the woman already has the information is moot. Mansplaining, at times, can also offer a way to compensate for insecurities—a need to be more intelligent, especially when trying to impress the woman or group that they’re faced with. Keep in mind that simple nervousness or anxiety may play into their choice to behave this way. Frustrating as it is, if the individual isn’t known for the behavior (or it’s the first time you’ve experienced it), I recommend trying to be gracious, giving the offender a pass. If it continues for a lengthy time or it impacts your ability to perform your duties or complete a task, let’s say a one-time meeting where your first impression or performance is essential, don’t hesitate to interrupt

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes the “mansplainer.” I prefer the choice of “do no harm,” but when so many women are bypassed for promotions, titles, and opportunities to shine due to these types of behaviors, then those are the reasons to deter the behavior and speak up. Interrupting with a simple, “As I was saying…” or “Please, let me finish…” may be an easier way to allow your voice to be heard without pointing out that the peer was mansplaining. If I do have to point out that mansplaining is occurring, I’ll attempt to make a joke of it, “Please, do explain my role to me further…” or “Really?? Is that what my product does??” For an “accidental mansplainer,” they will quickly recognize the mistake, and not only will the behavior stop, it will rarely happen again. For the repeat offender, there may be a lack of respect for women that is included with insecurities and lack of self-awareness. These rare few may require a different approach. Locating a male peer that is sensitive to the situation and that the offender respects will be one of the best options. The offender will be more likely to listen to the male peer, and as we’ve discussed, we need to keep our eye on the goal, which is education, not persecution. We are all part of the solution, and having men help other men overcome bias and limitations is as important as is our role in helping women move past their own bias.

Bully for You At times, men explaining basic concepts or hoping to prove their knowledge at a woman’s expense has to do with the recent changes in equality in the workplace. This isn’t isolated to men though. When we talk about workplace bullies, it was found that women were more likely to become a bully than men.26 A level of frustration may have built up in the individual, insecurities may have driven them to be directly competitive, and there may be some behavioral concerns from management, but no one is able to understand the source of the person’s anger. There’s a great saying that was shared with me that I often fall back on when I come across this type of anger: “Equality can look like oppression to those that have always been privileged.” The explanation behind this quote is for those that always received preferential treatment due to race, religion, or gender, suddenly find with rising equality, they no longer have privilege. Privilege is not the same as equality, and equality doesn’t mean granting privilege. A great example is the use case of passengers “Why Women are the Worst Kind of Bullies,” Forbes, April 2012, https://www.forbes. com/sites/worldviews/2012/04/30/why-women-are-the-worst-kind-ofbullies/#603ab62736b7. 26

Crushing the IT Gender Bias about to board for a flight. The passengers, just before boarding, are informed that there’s been a reorganization of the boarding zones to place passengers in equal numbers between each zone group. Some of the customers who were zone 1 and 2 are adjusted to zone 3 and 4, even though the number and order of those boarding haven’t changed and simply the title of a number of passengers from the 1 and 2 zones to 3 and 4 has changed. If you were a customer that was changed to the higher zones, even though you aren’t boarding any differently outside of the number that now is on your boarding pass and the number zone called, you may feel a sense of oppression. It is natural that some will demand for more equality. They must be oppressed even if the data doesn’t support it, because there’s been a change in status. It’s important for those that feel this way to stress that equality for others doesn’t mean less rights for you—it’s not like a plane with only so much overhead storage to fill before there’s none left. That’s not how equality works. This frustration from those that feel oppressed by encroaching equality deserves our empathy but not justification for their actions that are inappropriate or antisocial. The more common inappropriate behaviors demonstrated are as follows: • Gas lighting • Project sabotage • Withholding information • Bullying • Blaming others for their own mistakes • Instigating arguments • Isolating • Spreading rumors For those new to the term in the previous first bulleted item, the definition of “gas lighting” is a “form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or even, sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.” Women who are workplace bullies are often less direct than male ones.27 Some of the bullying goes back to the “token quota” discussed earlier, but for men, it can be a redirect from this feeling of misdirected oppression. “Why Women are the Worst Kind of Bullies,” Forbes, April 2012, https://www.forbes. com/sites/worldviews/2012/04/30/why-women-are-the-worst-kind-ofbullies/#603ab62736b7.

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes In a worst-case scenario, the individual may make threats or even become violent. The last group often requires Human Resources and legal, along with security or police. These are not the type of individuals to try to reason with. With more workplace violence incidents occurring, it’s essential to accept the danger or those who act out inappropriately in the workplace. It’s common for them to lash out first at the women and diverse groups first.28 If their behavior is more inconspicuous, they may simply drive out diverse groups from the workplace, but they most likely require an outlet for their anger and will start targeting those left. The most likely targets are those employees that are most productive and capable to satisfy their insecurities. Dealing with this type of personality is difficult, but it’s important to try to only meet with them in groups vs. any private meetings. Ask for interaction in writing; for example, “I’m really busy here, could you do me a favor and follow that up with an email?” If you’ve experienced a difficult interaction in the past, you might consider asking a manager to mediate. Document everything you can, as again, data is important when those around you may not realize how serious the situation is. A good manager will deal with the problem constructively and make it clear that the bullying behavior is unacceptable.

HR is Torn As a last resort, bringing HR into the situation may be required, but it’s often the only option if you wish to stay at the place of employment. If the company is unable to address the problem head on and the inappropriate behavior continues (bias is less straight forward for them to address like discrimination or harassment), then do consider looking for a new employment opportunity. Ensure to get references from the company and your peers before leaving and minimize any contact with the aggressor until you’re able to depart. Always identify these types of situations as poor leadership, not the normal behavior in technology. I’ve had the opportunity to work with some incredible people, and they’ve outweighed the negative ten-fold. I quickly discovered as I’ve mentored both women and men with bully situations that Human Resources has a fine line they try not to cross. Not only do they need to take responsibility for most everything for the company’s personnel, but they’re expected to manage situations in a black and white fashion when they involve humans that almost always make it gray.

“Women Still the Prime Targets of Workplace Bullies,” The Glass Hammer, October 2017, http://theglasshammer.com/2018/10/17/women-still-primetargets-of-workplace-bullying/. 28

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I’ve only experienced a couple of HR situations to end well when bias was involved, and I’m glad to say both were recent, so it tells you how far we’ve come in recent years when it comes to the topic of bias. I’ve been aware of numerous incidents of male peers or managers stalking women at work. In almost all of them, the woman either quit the company or was paid off by HR. Most of the time, the company policies weren’t adequate enough to deal with this type of problem, and as HR needed to protect the company, it was easier to just let the problem solve itself. The #MeToo movement has made significant changes, most of them good, but as with any change, some extremes exist. As there’s a chapter on social networking with peers, there are men who now state they won’t socialize at all with female peers in fear of false accusations.29 As a woman who went through a stalking situation with a male peer, I don’t know why anyone would want to make up a stalking scenario. Policies aren’t present that will make it easy to address with any company and even more difficult to locate a job in the industry afterward. As with bullying behavior, similar tactics should be taken when a peer or manager displays obsessive behavior: 1. Document everything. Tell them that you’re very busy and would greatly appreciate their requests via e-mail. If you have phone calls, use a system that has a record and same with web meetings. Retain the recording offsite from work, stored locally, and retain them for as long as you’re employed with the company that you’ve experienced it with. Your job is CYA (Cover Your Ass.) 2. Find out what the policy is against bullying, stalking, and harassment. These are newer policies taken on by HR, and if you have a progressive HR department, they will know how to address it in a manner focused on a solution for everyone involved. 3. If you’re in a role that can move to another group, find a reason to move you that doesn’t have to address the behavior directly but will document it. Addressing it directly, especially aggressively, can escalate the behavior on the victim.

“Men are Concerned About What #MeToo is Doing to Men at Work,” Washington Post, April 2018, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/04/04/men-areconcerned-about-what-metoo-is-doing-to-men-at-work/?noredirect=on&utm_ term=.b293babb86f2. 29

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Navigating Networking You spend 40–50 hours a week at work and naturally will bond with those around you. For a lone woman in a group, this can be a difficult situation to navigate. It’s a common discussion among women behind closed doors who work in male-dominated industries—how do we keep a professional distance and still create friendships with our male peers? How do we ensure that we’re taking advantage of the same networking in social events that our male peers are that are essential for many of us to move ahead, to be seen by management? Why is this so important? When discussing the role of networking and professional socializing, it was discovered how often that women weren’t considered for promotions and management positions. Not because they were viewed as not having management potential but since they weren’t seen by management often enough to be known. Studies have demonstrated that women believe that if they just do the work, they will receive the promotions and raises they deserve.30 Data proves that it’s more often a combination between competency and presence. If you aren’t present for social events that are part of a company or department, you won’t be present in leaders’ minds when they are making decisions. There are various ways that social gatherings at work can make a huge difference in your career. Over beers and over lunch, peers discuss salaries— salary data more valuable than what you’ll find on Glassdoor or other sites that display income data by region and field. It’s become more out of date to not discuss salary since the introduction of salary transparency in newer organizations. To know what your peers, in your location, are making in a role that you hold at the same company can provide vital data that we all need. It can impact gender pay gap in ways no other discussion can. I recall the first time I began discussions with my male peers about what they were making. I have more years’ experience and supported more platforms, but they were making a higher salary. When I asked how they had determined the salary to negotiate for, they admitted that they’d heard from male peers what they’d made while socializing and I began to do the same. The conversations were casual and never rushed—just simple conversations in groups about what was fair and what others earned. It was eye opening for me how different salaries could be, not just from one company to another, but from peers in the same role. It made me realize how much value I had and how little value sites like Glassdoor could provide to me.

30

“Women in the Workplace,” 2018, https://womenintheworkplace.com/.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Getting the Goods There’s significant data that proves that the average American income isn’t increasing with the cost of living,31 and yet the stock market is booming and unemployment levels, especially in the tech sector, are low. As we acknowledge the pay gap for women of 74 cents earned for every dollar a man makes,32 it’s essential that women make the most of networking that benefits your future career in income and positions. I also realized how often, not just position placement, but promotions were decided over department lunches and social events. If women aren’t part of these group events, they may be bypassed for consideration. The challenge is how to socialize without receiving backlash of criticism or rumor. As much as men and women want to be treated the same for the same behavior, there are still the challenges of it not occurring in common society. My husband and I are in the same professional and social circles. We dated for over 6 months before we went public, but as expected, while Tim received “atta-boys” and pats on the back, I also received several unwelcome responses. I was asked by one man if he had a chance after “Tim was done with me.” Some of the inappropriate response were from men I respected greatly, and for a short while I distanced myself from the community as I dealt with the idea that I wasn’t simply respected by these men for my technical contributions. As a mentor, I’ve been challenged with this, too. I discovered that one of the women I’d been mentoring had gone out socializing with male peers that I’d socialized with multiple times myself in the past. The difference was that she is an attractive young woman, and being in sales, she was unaware that her joking was taken to be flirting. Although she and the male peer she believed she was joking with were both married, she received the majority of negative judgment regarding her behavior and the male peer benefited in status from her perceived attention. The young woman stopped socializing in any after events from that point on and left the database community soon after. When anyone asks me why jokes of a sexual nature and rumors of person relationships between peers are something I find unacceptable in the workplace, the previous discussion is an excellent example. If you were to line up six individuals, three male and three females, and for each of the couples, one set is said to be in a casual relationship, the second couple has been dating for less than a month, and the third is married. How do we view each with the idea of each individual having had a sexual encounter the next morning?

Study by University of Washington Center for Women's Welfare Director Diana M. Pearce for The Indiana Institute for Working Families. 32 “Gender Pay Gap,” Pew Research Center, April 2018, http://www.pewresearch.org/ fact-tank/2018/04/09/gender-pay-gap-facts/. 31

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Chapter 3 | Turning Good Intentions into Positive Changes First Couple: Male—Stud Female-—Slut Second Couple: Male—He tapped that Female—Walk of Shame Third Couple: Male—Got lucky Female—She gave it up The overall descriptions showed that the men achieved a gain in status and positive responses, but the women declined in status and acquired negative connotations. Due to this dichotomy in most cultures (more in some than others), it’s important to recognize that any sexual discussion, even “locker room talk” about women peers, those reporting up to or even bosses, should be considered unacceptable. Hopefully, the preceding example demonstrates how culture disproportionately degrades the status of the professional woman you’re discussing and artificially inflates the man’s.

Social Safety Net The question arises: how do you navigate this valuable networking without getting in over your head? 1. Attend social events where there are groups of three or more. 2. Interact with the men as men interact with each other. Research has shown that some men will incorrectly gauge a woman’s interest, so be friendly, but keep your distance. Refrain from touching a man’s arm or playing with your hair. These are signals that are used in the media as examples of interest. Show interest in your male peers’ wives and children and always show their wives respect, treating them as you would want to be treated. 3. All events should be in public locations, such as group lunches, a happy hour, or team event. 4. If you are the only woman and uncomfortable attending events with all male colleagues, ask your manager if it’s acceptable to have one of your female peers from another group join you.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias 5. If you’re feeling isolated from networking events by a specific male peer, find a second male peer who you and the other person trusts to help support including you. 6. If a male peer acts inappropriately toward you, it may take you a bit to absorb what happened. Not all of us are instantly reactive. Although I’ve always admired those that have an instant and excellent response to a slight, I’m not built that way. I prefer to take in what happened, consider why something happened, if I misunderstood or what were the intentions of the other person and then think through how best to deal with the situation. Ask to speak to the offender one on one if you feel it’s productive or ask a third party to sit in as a mediator. Explain that you were uncomfortable with the interaction, what behavior was the reason for the discomfort, and then set a clear boundary of how the person should interact with you in the future. Keep calm and stay focused on the goal of resolution. Company-sponsored events should be acceptable for any gender, race, or religion. If they aren’t, consider asking HR to enact a department policy with the goal of inclusion. Events that were acceptable 20 years ago could be costly to a company with today’s discrimination laws, and it’s worth it to the business for you to work with them to resolve out-of-date social practices than to have a lawsuit on their hands.

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4 Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path Your path needs to be your own. No amount of advice from friends, managers, mentors, or sponsors can change this. If you spend some time researching, you’ll discover that the advice offered is often what the advisor WANTS. Rarely do most advisors separate their own experience or their own desires from what they will advise those around them. Therefore, I highly recommend placing an importance on women finding their own voice.

The Future We’ve previously discussed how incredibly difficult it is for women to find their voice and, in turn, their path. Therefore, I believe for the future, young women will find girls’ groups essential. They’re more likely to teach young women to find their voice earlier on than in more traditionally competitive environments. So as not to confuse sports, getting young women involved in sports teaches team work and [more often] healthy competitive skills, too. It assists in giving women opportunities to build out strategies to address aggressive behaviors when demonstrated toward them and to embrace their own strengths. © Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_4

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path If you’re a grown woman and trying to find your own path and voice, ensure to learn to trust in yourself, and I really mean TRUST YOURSELF. You are the only you, and you need to be the best you, you can be. To do this, know that you know YOU best. The media and our society spend an incredible amount of time and money telling us what is preferred in behavior and attractiveness, but there are significant changes in demands by women in broadening what it means to be a woman. Our society is beginning to embrace and view women of history that were once invisible, such as Ada Lovelace, the prophet of the computer age, and Grace Hopper, who now has an annual event for women in tech that has an attendance cap for 2018 at 20,000.1 Recently, the human computers of NASA, Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson, had their own movie, “Hidden Figures.” It’s not just in technology that we’re experiencing a change, but even another male-dominated industry, politics. In the mid-elections of 2018, over 2200 women ran for office.2 Recognizing this change in our world, what they have started referring to as the third wave of Women’s Liberation is upon us. Embrace this and make your career and life part of the total view of what women are and can be. Trust your ideas, your plans, and your instinct about what’s right for you and those important to you. Become strong in your resolve when an idea, a plan, and your instincts all align and those around you attempt to influence you to do what they want instead. So often the difference between failure and success is having the vision to know when to stick to your guns. Building trust in yourself will help build your path and know when to accept feedback or advice and when to forge your own path. Declining advice can be done graciously and without personal attack. It’s agreeing to a simple understanding that what works for one person may not be the right path for you. The other challenge with those around you will be what they deem constructive feedback and/or criticism. Rarely are people trained on how to give constructive feedback.3 This results in so many I speak to receiving feedback that has little value or no options they’re able to move forward with. Even when open-ended questions were asked, the individual requesting the advice received little to know constructive feedback.

“School for Informatics and Computing,” October 2018, https://soic.iupui.edu/ news/grace-hopper-celebration-2018/. 2 “2200 Women Who Ran For Office in 2018,” YES! Magazine, December 2018, https:// www.yesmagazine.org/people-power/2200-women-who-ran-for-office-in-2018lost-whats-next-for-them-20181224. 3 “The Power of Presence: Unlock Your Potential to Influence and Engage Others Kristi Hedges,” ISBN-13: 978-0814417737, https://www.amazon.com/Power-PresenceUnlock-Potential-Influence/dp/0814417736/. 1

Crushing the IT Gender Bias If someone continues to provide little to no value in their feedback, learn to avoid searching them out when constructive feedback is required. For those that respond only with negative feedback or pessimism, this can only impact your initiative, and unless it’s done in an open communication style where something positive can be the take away, you may want to avoid this type of negativity.

Steps to Your Path It’s easy to be distracted from your path by those around you—family, friends, advisors, and peers. Our family may mean well, but they may also view us not as who we are, but who we WERE. I still have to remind myself that my children are now adults and try to remember myself at their age. What were my dreams? What resources did I have or was I discovering in myself? I often ask my kids to always be thinking ahead. What do they want for their future? What are their goals? Can they break them down into small tasks and stepby-step achievements? Having a clear list of steps and goals can help ensure you’re able to achieve in the long run what may seem impossible when you look at it as a whole. Start out by making an outline and break it down into three categories: • Professional • Personal • Above and beyond The list should be kept at a higher level to not bog yourself down in too many details or make it impossible to feel you’ve achieved those little wins. Know to reward yourself for the small wins, too. As I’ve stated before, there’s power in the simple act of doing, but if you aren’t giving yourself credit for those little successes, you won’t have the energy to make it through the big hurdles. As you begin to build out that list, remember there’s no such thing as the ideal work/life balance that we hear about on TV shows and in books, to feel personally successful. Even the CEO of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, claims that the phrase work/life balance is debilitating.4 For some, success may mean that they get to consistently pick up their kids from school each day. For others, it may be time for a daily workout at the gym or a training budget to further their professional knowledge or any combination of things. You’ll notice that I didn’t mention my own list of what others might consider what made me successful (speaking, authoring, and career). Your path means that this balance

4 “Bezos Says Work Life Balance is “Debilitating” Phrase,” Investopedia, May 2018, https:// www.investopedia.com/news/bezos-says-worklife-balance-debilitating-phrase/.

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path will result in a personalized set of requirements for your career, for your personal life, and beyond. It has nothing to do with what’s important to me, and this is a key factor as you search out guidance and mentors, too. When considering the professional list, I’m going to ask you to not consider the standard workplace perks or benefits you’ve heard from an HR representative, but think about what would make your life easier/more productive/more satisfying. Think outside the box when recognizing what is important to you and would ensure you can meet professional and personal responsibilities. Needs are not the same as wants, but that doesn’t mean you won’t care about those as we progress into building our path: • I need a flexible work schedule/part-time schedule/ contract position. • I need to have a hands-off manager/clear expectation from the leadership. • I need to have a collaborative team/work independently. • I need to be able to be there for my family if and when they need me. • I need a career that is technically challenging and focuses on data science/coding/project management. • I need a remote/onsite office. The list of your wants should append as a second list and the future of your path. • What do you want to do? Build it out by 5 months, 2 years, 5 years from now. • Where do you want to go? Do you want a technical path, management path, a different industry, or maybe entrepreneur? • What do you want to accomplish? Are you one who desires to lead the pack or are you more collaborative and/or supportive? • What is your idea of professional success? Don’t let magazines or media tell you what success is. Success is satisfaction with your personal and professional life. This idea can change, too, so don’t punish yourself if your idea of success changes over time.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

This Is Personal We’re told so often that our personal and professional must be separate, but with the advancement in technology and demands from our careers, it is only natural that professional would bleed into our personal lives. As women, we still perform more of the responsibilities for the home and family.5 In the most recent data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the numbers were still displaying on an average day: 49% of women did housework of some kind vs. only 19% of men.6 Research also still shows that who will perform household responsibilities are still the number one topic that couples fight over and found that we naturally assign less value to household chores that are more traditionally aligned with women than men’s responsibilities in the household. 7 This can greatly affect a woman’s path, as personal demands on her time can be an excuse (in some minds) to justify paying a woman less salary. I have debated the topic openly with trusted colleagues, and I end up having to build out the following formula:

The real formula is much more complicated, but to break it down as simple as possible:

“Despite Progress, Women Still Bear Heavier Load Than Men,” Pew Research Institute, March 2015, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/03/10/women-stillbear-heavier-load-than-men-balancing-work-family/. 6 American Time Use Survey, Bureau of Labor and Statistics, https://www.bls.gov/tus/ charts/household.htm. 7 “The Economic Value of Housework,” Market Watch, https://www.marketwatch.com/ story/the-economic-value-of-housework. 5

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I’ve had coworkers that spent 10+ hours at the office and produced little to no value to the business. They performed rudimentary tasks but performed no improvements to processes that provided increased revenue or made significant enhancements to the team. Sitting in front of a desk 50 hours or more a week while providing little value shouldn’t make someone a better employee than another who is present 40 hours per week but is performing at a higher than average performance on tasks, taking initiative, and/or introducing improvements to the team. Companies are beginning to realize this and realigning what they deem a valuable team member due to this research.8 With all this realization, there is still a significant amount of bias that working mothers are under pressure with. It’s not just the demands of personal responsibilities that are impacting how we view professional women.9 Culture, as a whole, consider working women less capable, less dedicated, and less hardworking than their male peers.10 As we enter into this conversation, I must first establish that the goal is to rid ourselves of bias and focus on equality vs. making women appear to be better employees than their male peers.

“The Productivity of Working Hours,” John Pencavel, Stanford University and IZA, June 2014, http://ftp.iza.org/dp8129.pdf. 9 Gender Equity in College Majors: Looking Beyond the STEM/Non-STEM Dichotomy for Answers Regarding Female Participation, Colleen M. Ganley, Casey E. George, Joseph R. Cimpian Joseph R. Cimpian, December 2017, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/ 10.3102/0002831217740221 10 “The “Bad Parent” Assumption: How Gender Stereotypes Affect Reactions to Working Mothers,” Tyler Okimoto, University of Queensland, December, 2012, https://www. researchgate.net/publication/263234975_The_Bad_Parent_Assumption_How_ Gender_Stereotypes_Affect_Reactions_to_Working_Mothers. 8

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Limitation Bias Persists In a strongly supported Pew Study, 54% of men with children under the age of 17 believe that having a full-time mother is the most ideal situation to raise a child.11 The percentage additions added when women were added to the research undoubtedly increased significantly, as this is a cultural perception as much as it is a nature one. Research performed as part of a thesis released in 2006,12 my Marietta College, and authored by Kelly McIntosh and William Bauer, PhD, has demonstrated that both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers resulted in little difference in a child’s upbringing. Where the nonworking parent was able to offer more personal time to the child when they were young, along with support system during activities, children of working parents performed better in school and were more independent. As women’s education and careers have increased, so have their pay, which has increased the services and care that their children receive. We often hear,“it takes a village to raise a child” and for those parents without the support system of a family or friends to help them, these services can benefit everyone in the family. The takeaway from the research was that, no matter if you’re a stay-at-home mother or a working mother, neither is better than the other for your children, and it should be a family choice. The research demonstrated over anything else that American culture still has a significant bias and debate on women working outside the home even though the data proves otherwise.

No Kiddie Table We then reach into the next frontier that causes many discomforts, and that’s the challenges of working women who don’t desire children of their own. Although logic would tell us that it isn’t different from a man not desiring children, the secondary bias toward women to not trust or believe them leave them in a very challenging position.13 Upon interviewing for an opportunity or a promotion, it’s not uncommon for these women to be questioned about their intent to have children at some later point in their lives. Although it’s none of their peers’ or employer’s business, they’re doubted on their decision to not have children and often told, “You’ll change your mind.” It’s also not uncommon for women who’ve chosen not to have children to be told it’s “7 Key Findings about Stay-At-Home Moms,” Pew Research Center, http://www. pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/04/08/7-key-findings-about-stay-at-homemoms/. 12 “Similarities in Mothers, Working vs. Stay-at-Home,” Marietta College and authored by Kelly McIntosh and William Bauer, Ph.D., https://etd.ohiolink.edu/rws_etd/ document/get/marietta1144855683. 13 “The Baby Matrix,” Laura Carroll, 2012, LiveTrue Books, http://thebabymatrix.com/. 11

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path “selfish” of them, and as a mother myself, I find it just the opposite. When one decides to have children, the common reason is they want a child to love, to carry on their bloodline, or to satisfy other desires. It’s not an unselfish act to choose to have a child. The unselfishness comes later in the form of the love you [hopefully] show the child and how you raise the child to become a valuable member of society. Once you’ve done so, then you’ve fulfilled your obligation outside of your desire to have one, but rarely was it a decision that’s made without a desire to be fulfilled. We even read articles how women who never have children will more likely be unfulfilled. As we’ve already established, the idea that only traditional choices will lead to satisfaction is a myth—each woman has her own path and what will fulfill the list of requirements to decide if she’s been successful in her life or not is as unique as she is. My youngest sister, Kimberly, is a woman who decided she was happier being an aunt and decided against having children. She’s incredibly inspiring, has a master’s in law, works in intellectual content for a great company, and enjoys her life in the bay area. I don’t see her being able to provide more value to the world if she had decided to become a mother. She’s incredibly independent, has a full life, with a busy, successful career, and travels whenever she can. My middle sister, on the other hand, worked part-time for most of her life, and she prioritized motherhood. Kristi found her satisfaction with a more traditional choice, and I don’t think she would have been as satisfied with Kimberly’s path. It’s all about owning our individual paths, and we should all have the opportunity to claim the one that fits our unique selves, not just the traditional norms or what the media deems as a success. My own decision on motherhood was somewhere in between my siblings. I am the mother of three biological children and two older stepchildren. Although I had more children than my middle sister, I always worked, returning to work after the end of a short maternity leave with each child. I am happiest when I’m busy, and this translated clearly with me as a working mother. I love my children and even had a live-in nanny while my children were quite young (it’s not as glamorous as it sounds and when you have three children, it’s often cheaper than traditional daycare.) I was a single mother while my children were young, and having a live-in nanny offered a more traditional upbringing for my children while I was able to pursue my career to afford to care for them in the best way possible. It was my path—my journey. My second nanny is one of my best friends 15 years later. She was a single, new mother when I hired her to be my live-in nanny and the arrangement, although not a traditional one (where the nanny doesn’t have children) worked well. She was able to stay at home with her baby, and I had someone to live at home with my three children. I didn’t choose to switch to standard, afterschool daycare until all the children were old enough to attend school.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Not Your Secretary The biggest challenge I found as a working mother was the ability for the men around me to have the option to offload the responsibilities to their family to address work challenges, while I was continually finding ways to manage both. When I started out, managers had little experience with employees working remote on after-hours projects or working from home when a child was ill. As much as my managers tried to empathize with the demands on me, it was the early 2000s, and there was still many of that generation still possessing a transparent dependency on their wives and family members to perform the duties that I only had myself to rely on. My ex-husband had grown up with a traditional stay-at-home mother, so he was still coming to terms with the idea that he needed to do more for the kids, and I didn’t have any family living near me to help out, either. I made a conscious decision in 2010 that I would only pursue remote work positions going forward. Technology had progressed enough to simplify working as a technical telecommuter. As others are quick to judge, it wasn’t due to difficulties performing duties as well as my male peers. I consistently outperformed those around me, but it removed a lot of unnecessary stress to no longer have to explain when I needed to take 15 minutes away from the office to pick up a child from school or stay home to work remote while a child nursed a fever. While my peers might destress during the day spending considerable time chatting in the office kitchen or goofing off, I had a tendency to make the most of my time at the office, and it was just the same when I worked from home. My productivity was off the charts, but since my teams were primarily all male, my requirements to ensure my responsibilities were addressed in all aspects of my life were different than theirs. Even though it was less than two decades ago, there was less identification of the imbalance I dealt with as a single, working mother. One of the biggest promises of the future is how often I hear male peers now stress the importance of picking up their kids from school, attending to sick kids or other challenges. This is all the made easier for everyone by the telecommuting opportunities of today. It’s no longer just a perk that women search out, but one that benefits the demands on men, too. In the last research on the topic, only 46% of Americans work from home at some point during the work week.14 With all our advances, the percentage of those employees working from home has stayed flat from 2009 to 2017. The reasons the number has stayed flat partially have to do with companies changing remote working policies back to in-office and it’s a discouraging trait. Remote work isn’t for everyone, but for those that it is a viable option, creates a harmony, and with technical advances, becomes more similar to the office every day. “American Time Use Survey Summary,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, June 2018, https:// www.bls.gov/news.release/atus.nr0.htm. 14

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The Telecommuter Question If you’re considering how to broach the topic of flexible work schedules for yourself, keep in mind telecommuting is easier for certain technical roles than others. A database administrator or developer will have less challenges than a project manager who may require face-to-face meetings or access to a less tech savvy business user on a regular basis. Before any discussion can be proposed with your manager or peers, ensure that you have the technology in place to support the transition to a remote workplace. Questions you’ll have to answer: 1. Do you have a dedicated office—separate from home and family distractions? 2. What is the quality of your cell phone and Wi-Fi reception? 3. If you have an outage, are you able to work in the office or have a secondary option to compensate? 4. Will you need to migrate from a desktop workstation to a laptop? 5. How often does your team meet in person? With customers/users? Software for communication may include • Slack • Teams • Web meeting software, such as Webex, Skype, etc. Software for task assignment: • Jira • MS Project For anyone working in technology that has versioning requirements on code or scripts, additional repository and tracking software will be required, such as Subversion, Github, Git, etc. A centralized location for documentation is beneficial to ensure that vital information isn’t retained on local workstations. You will need to make sure that you’re easy to access remotely via phone and computer. Your cellphone and Wi-Fi should both have excellent reception and service in the location you plan on working from. You may want to invest in a “MiFi,” a small device to use for a hot spot connection for devices to a cell provider. Many have asked me how this is different than toggling to your cell phone, and the benefit is that your PC won’t be competing for bandwidth with all the applications and services on your cell phone if you have a dedicated hotspot.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Once you’ve done the research and verified that you have the technology to support a remote workplace, document your case to present to your management. The conversation should begin as an informal conversation to “gauge” the reception from those who make the decision. If you’re the first person to ask for a remote work or flexible schedule, it may not be easy to bring up the topic, but if you have good leadership in place, he/she should be receptive to the conversation. Once it’s agreed to have a formal discussion, ensure that there is a meeting invitation to track the conversation going forward and follow up at the end of each talk to continue to progress toward a decision. Focusing on the data surrounding telecommuting can be a hit or miss—there are always going to be those sources that have a negative view of remote workers. Yahoo and Hewlett Packard are two companies who recently recalled all remote workers to the office. Although Yahoo has continued to dissuade telecommuting, HP quickly became aware that they weren’t able to support the 300K remote workers in their existing office space and moved to a flexible schedule to accommodate everyone. If either one is brought up as a reason to not consider remote work options for you, focusing on the stock values of these companies and lacking diversity can assist in rebuking the talking points. Both Yahoo (Altaba) and HP suffered a significant loss during the 3 years following the recall of remote workers, along with employee turnover. If you’re successful in your proposal to telecommute, the move to a remote work environment may involve a transition period with partial days still in the office. If you’ve been in your role for a period and have a track record of above average performance, the trial period shouldn’t be more than a few months and agreed upon with management. A request to attain a flexible work schedule, testing it out with 2–3 days remote should be all that is required to prove out a remote work option and plan on keeping track of successes, along with lessons learned.

Benefits for All Flexible work schedules and remote work are two of the biggest enhancements to the technology sector.15 It isn’t just for women, either. The best fathers I know work remote, and after working remote for the last 10 years for five companies, and working primarily with all-male teams, I’ve worked with quite a few work-from-home fathers. The flexible schedules, less time commuting, and more time bonding have built stronger connections with their children by being present more and, due to this connection, are more likely to take on “The Benefits of Telecommuting to the Future of Work,” Forbes, July 2017, https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrealoubier/2017/07/20/ benefits-of-telecommuting-for-the-future-of-work/#14f2a3fa16c6. 15

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path household responsibilities, not just child-rearing ones. As beneficial as I see this to the children involved,16 it’s also beneficial to their significant others. Women who work and have more equal partnerships with their spouses/ partners have less demands and less stress in their lives. They have more satisfaction in life and in their relationships.17 As strange as it might sound, this is also true for divorced couples with more equal share in family duties. I always had the impression that, even if I divorced, there was a valid reason I had loved my ex-spouse at one time and to treat them as I would want to be treated. I’m very aware that it takes two to tango, and in a break up, it’s the same—even if you are passive and the other is aggressive, you both played a part in the reason the relationship didn’t last. Those parents who are no longer together, who take the time to treat the other with respect, focusing on the fact that each is important to the child, should put their own feelings aside. Putting the child ahead of their own emotions whenever possible should be a priority. By eliminating these challenges and being able to productively coparent, the working mother is able to focus on providing for her family. Now with that focus in mind, this falls to how women do better in relationships where this type of mature co-parenting exists. Women with supportive coparenting and division of responsibilities do better in their careers.18 Consider how the removal of one, major demand each day would help you be more successful. As women are 49% more likely to perform household duties on a given day (vs. 19% of men), the removal of one daily demand can make a huge difference in their schedule.19 If you can identify this difference and create a more equalized division of duties, it can make a significant difference in the success women have in their career, not just life. As dedicated as I was to my career, until 2010, I was still incredibly overextended. I was raising three children and dealing with a partner that was experiencing what some might call a “midlife crisis.” We’d made the promise that if we discovered we were making each other unhappy, we’d set each other free, and I was quick to do so. In his 40s, he realized he wanted to have children of his own, and being in my 40s, I was adamant to watch the three biological children from my previous marriage grow and leave the nest. By 2011, I’d been reintroduced to Tim Gorman, my first mentor, and over time, both divorced, we began the great romance and partnership we have today. “Equal Parenting and the Quality of Parent-Child Attachments,” Psychology Today, March 2013, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-afterdivorce/201303/equal-parenting-and-the-quality-parent-child-attachments. 17 “Women in the Workplace,” Lean In, 2018, https://womenintheworkplace.com/. 18 “Supportive Relationships Linked to Willingness to Pursue Opportunities,” Carnegie Mellon University, August 2017, https://www.cmu.edu/dietrich/news/news-stories/2017/ august/supportive-spouses-brooke-feeny.html. 19 American Time Use Survey, Bureau of Labor Statistics, https://www.bls.gov/news. release/atus.nr0.htm. 16

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Essential Support The research around women’s successful careers and supportive spouses has become better known.20 Culture can make it extremely difficult for men when a woman is more successful than her spouse. As women are offered the opportunity to work or stay at home, men are still offered a single path—provider.21 Until we’re more accepting of men falling back into what is traditionally, a woman’s role in the household, then we will continue to hold women back in the workplace, too. Equality isn’t equal until all parties are able to contribute the same. 22 The decision of a woman’s career path is impacted by her partner’s wishes, too. It isn’t just asking your significant other if he/she is alright with you diving into your career, but how will they react if you make more money than they do? If there are children, who will take time off when one is ill/picked up from school/activities? Will you take turns or will one be responsible? What about those household chores? I can’t fathom how much less I would have accomplished if it wasn’t for the support from my spouse, Tim Gorman. His unwavering support has made a significant difference in how much I was able to invest in my career and my family. Having less to worry and be stressed about, knowing he was there to support me made a huge difference in taking on challenges that I may not have been able to otherwise. Many women I’ve mentored complain that their spouse says they’ll be happy to help, but then they lost patience with asking them to do something and end up doing it in their stead, having wasted more time asking the spouse to help. Is the spouse willing to take on 50% of the chores without being asked to do tasks or reminded? Some couples (men and women) view the spouse that makes less money as expected to take on more chores at home…as long as it’s the wife. 23 This is important to understand, as it could put pressure on the woman when she’s “Flexible Men and Successful Women: The Effects of Flexible Working Hours on German Couples’ Wages,” Laura Antonia Langer for Sage Journal, July 2017, https://journals. sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0950017017708161?journalCode=wesa. 21 “Americans See Men as the Financial Provider, Even as Women’s Contributions Grow,” Pew Research Center, September 2017, http://www.pewresearch.org/facttank/2017/09/20/americans-see-men-as-the-financial-providers-even-aswomens-contributions-grow/. 22 “True Gender Equality for Both Men and Women,” Joseph Chamie is a former Director of the United Nations Population Division, Inter Press Service, http://www.ipsnews. net/2014/11/op-ed-true-gender-equality-for-both-women-and-men/. 23 “Household Chores: Women Still Do More, Study News,” Springer, September 2017, https://www.springer.com/gp/about-springer/media/research-news/allenglish-research-news/household-chores--women-still-do-more-/15086994. 20

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path starting out (with gender pay gap and women starting back into the workplace after children are in school, this is often going to impact women more) to be successful at all in her career if she’s handling more of the load at home.

Schooling Society still looks to women to be the main caregivers.24 As my ex-husband, when at school with one of the kids, would be asked when I could come in, as if he was a lesser substitute. It could be very frustrating for him, and I understand why he gave up at times. Mothers and fathers must make it clear that both parents are responsible for the child’s upbringing to the society around them, and if they both work, only one may attend a school function or other responsibility. Our school system still has a challenge with dual income and single parent families, and from what I’ve experienced, most still do In recent years, there’s been a change in school schedules, too. Some schools have now added a fall break to the previous spring break, while some schools go all year with extended breaks throughout the year. With breaks stagnated between school districts, it can be heavily impactful to a working parent’s career and considering the parent with the higher expectation to accommodate the schedule shift, more likely a woman’s. This added pressure and with changes in the younger generation regarding parental responsibility results in both parents experiencing a possible impact to their career goals. I’ve had school administrator’s chide me for not taking my responsibility to my children serious enough because I worked. Another one informed my ex-husband that I was going to have to quit my job and start to come to school with one of my children, even after she was told I was the larger source of family income. My ex-husband was furious with her and joked,“Do you have any idea how much child support I’d have to pay if she did that??” There are charter and online schools that are more understanding of parents limited time and either limit homework to school hours or offer after-school programs to ensure that kids make the most of their time there, so they can spend quality time with their parents at the end of the day. There is a silver lining though. Younger generations, especially men who had working mothers, are more likely to be supportive of their own wive’s careers.25 They are more involved in their children’s lives and are less restricted in their “Women and Caregiving, Facts and Figures, Family Caregiver Alliance,” https://www. caregiver.org/women-and-caregiving-facts-and-figures. 25 “Working Mothers and Sons’ Preferences Regarding Female Labor Supply: Direct Evidence from Stated Preferences,” Research Gate, Journal of Population Economics, February 2009, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/23545679_Working_ Mothers_and_Sons’_Preferences_Regarding_Female_Labor_Supply_Direct_Evidence_ from_Stated_Preferences. 24

Crushing the IT Gender Bias role of just being the provider. We’re seeing diversity and inclusion initiatives in companies that are making salaries transparent so the complex situation of gender pay gap can be addressed. In a study conducted through Amazon’s Mechanical Turk platform (an online platform for small-scale tasks), they included 2000 participants and asked them to complete two rounds of data entry where they were paid for each correct entry. The study demonstrated the difference in work performance between the first round, where a group of participants were shown their own earnings and a second group test who were shown not just their earnings, but also the earnings of the other participants. The second group test, armed with salary information, “worked harder and significantly increased their performance.” What’s more, he continues, high performers in the first round who learned of their earnings worked harder to maintain or exceed their level of performance in the second round.26 Companies like SumAll (a social media managing company),WholeFoods (now owned by Amazon), and GrantTree (a London-based startup for lending) are all part of the new trend of salary transparency. One of my favorite social media tools, Buffer, a social media content management tool, has complete salary transparency—from its CEO down to its latest hire. The company is so sold on the transparent salary model; they’ve added a salary formula calculator that can set up everyone’s salary, for any business. All of these changes add up little by little to make a difference in women’s success in the workplace and, in doing so, in technology. This results in an easier time finding your own path as you decide if you want to be a technical marvel a technical specialist with a flexible schedule, on your way to the C-level, or as the owner of your own business.

Setting The Mark There are going to be those women in technology that want more than just to be an employee in an IT environment. Their ambition says, “You will be more.” They’ve already pinpointed a C-level position or have sights set on starting their own company. Even though the world is still evolving and we’re working to increasing the number of women in technology, the C-level is still having a trying time. There are more CEOs with the name David than there are women

“Striving for Status: A Field Experiment on Relative Earnings and Labor Supply,” Emiliano Huet-Vaughn UC Berkeley, November 2012, http://econgrads.berkeley.edu/ emilianohuet-vaughn/files/2012/11/JMP_e.pdf. 26

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path in Fortune 500 companies.27 It’s not different for Fortune 100 companies, either, so it’s not just when women are “playing with the big boys.” Viewing comparisons that there are fewer women in a role than men with a single name can be a very sobering statistic.28 Women are still lagging significantly in leadership roles in companies, and although diversity and inclusion is the new buzzword around most offices, as we’ve discussed in the book already, it may not signify change at the upper levels in many companies. I’ve been lucky enough to bend an ear or two of male CEOs, and I’m interested in how little they understand the challenges that prevent women from achieving what they have come by, in my observations, so easily. The underlying challenge that deters women from achieving the C-level is it diminishes their ability to achieve life-long dreams and ambitions. As I’ve spent my career avoiding the corner office and happily walked toward the server room, I wanted to understand the unique challenges these women were facing and how I could help them when approached with these questions. I couldn’t be an effective mentor unless I immersed myself in the data, and there were some clear similarities, as well as some distinct differences.

Becoming Visible As with women in tech, women heading toward leadership and C-level positions have difficulty being recognized and heard. Women won’t be offered opportunities their male counterparts will if they aren’t heard when they speak up in meetings and in projects. If their name doesn’t come up with considering who might be a good fit for a promotion, they can be looked over, too. Attaining sponsorship from senior management to get their names out there and recognize their contributions was essential. This is just as important for women in technology, but it was even more so when moving up the ladder.

Networking One of the women I mentored, Komal Goyal, has done an incredible job building her network. As a senior partner, she’s also asked women leaders to support each other by ensuring when they can’t take an opportunity or need to recommend someone else, to recommend another woman FIRST. As we just discussed, women are often invisible, so to make a planned effort to direct success to other women first can make an incredible difference.

“List of Women CEO for Fortune 500 Companies,” https://en.wikipedia.org/ wiki/List_of_women_CEOs_of_Fortune_500_companies. 28 “Fortune 500 2018 List,” http://fortune.com/fortune500/. 27

Crushing the IT Gender Bias This may appear to be special treatment, but how many of you have heard of the “ol’ boys club”? It’s key to leveling the playing field until women get to a point they don’t have to anymore.

Focus If you speak to any CEO, they know their business, and they know how to drive revenue. They keep their “eye on the ball.” This is crucial for women who are driving toward these positions, too. Find out what is important to the company—goals, both short and long term. Find out how you can help the company achieve those goals, and you will become more visible to senior management and be more likely to achieve your own goals. Find ways to even make your activities outside of work pay forward to your end goal. Any time you can achieve more than one goal with a task is a win.

Confidence We hear how women are less confident than men, and it’s not surprising with how often we’re asked to second-guess our thinking and how little we’re asked to take on risks as we grow up. Take the time to teach yourself to take calculated risks. The more you overcome these risks, the more confident you’ll become in yourself. Dedicate yourself to making one solid contribution in every meeting. Take on a new project each quarter, and take on the one that no one else wants or the most challenging one. The effort will be worth it, and your confidence will be the icing on the cake. Learn to fail gracefully. As you will hear me say over and over, the only difference between those who succeed and those who fail is persistence. Learn how to “fake it till you make it.” Working with 95% men in my career, I was always in awe by how often guys would have 10% of the knowledge they required to perform a task but would act like they were experts. It’s not being scared to fail, it’s knowing you could fail, but the opportunity to learn and succeed is greater. It’s a valuable lesson women should learn from our male counterparts. They’re offered this from early on, and it’s incredibly beneficial in the business world.

Be Fearless To lead, people must want to follow. Women can’t fear the sound of their own voices. Learn to speak confidently and to speak well. Drop the “up-tick” that makes statements sound like questions. When speaking to a group while standing, take up space—place your feet at shoulder width, and don’t be afraid to use your hands while talking. Don’t try to make yourself “small,” as women have been culturally taught to do by crossing their legs. Learn to annunciate

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path your words when you speak. Women, especially those attracted to varying technology, are more inclined to talk fast. To help the listener, learn to clearly annunciate your words to dispel miscommunication. Before entering a meeting or speaking in front of a group, always have key talking points researched and data clearly identified. Men have been raised to identify and debate details, which can be very frustrating for women, who have been taught to accept and translate details to make the speaker feel accepted. Be prepared to explain your point of view fully and also take advantage of the opportunity to ask the debater to take the discussion offline with you to allow you to achieve your original goal. Don’t let the individual take you “down the rabbit hole” into a side conversation that derails you. If you find your own perfectionism is impacting your ability to be more fearless, consider finding ways to address it. There is a saying, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Fearing to be imperfect is often sourced from our fear of criticism. Women receive criticism from so many directions; it can be difficult to feel confident enough to throw it all to the wind and just take on what may seem impossible. This is where reaching out to a confidant, taking up meditation/yoga, or another outlet to soothe these fears comes into play. If discouraged by “your own demons,” in other words, your own negative thoughts or actions, consider keeping a record of these thoughts and actions in a journal. This will grant you the time to come up with an action plan of how to respond to them when they do happen and then put that action into motion. Start to jot down ways to counteract negative thoughts. An example would be “I’ll never be able to speak in front of the share holders.” Begin to list ways that you could improve your speaking skills. Join the local Toastmasters to find peers to help you improve and have a safe environment to hone your presentation skills. It will also give you the ability to track your progress, as well as the opportunities that are ongoing.

Sponsors and Mentors Both of these are even more important to those in the C-level. Social media platforms like LinkedIn and Twitter give you ready access to individuals that can make a huge difference in the success of your career. Reach out to them, no matter how scary that can be. Establish a strong, personal brand that aligns with your career and what you want to achieve. Ensure to have advocates who can not only offer guidance but will be there for you in times of trouble to offer support from the sidelines when you’re not around.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Along with mentoring challenges, women at the leadership level also have difficulty with achieving the same in salary as their male counterparts.29 Unlike distinct technical positions, leadership roles can differ widely on range. There isn’t a clear salary expectation, and this is where your network is incredibly valuable. We need to be fearless about asking those around us what they make and also about for asking what we’re worth. While negotiating with my last position, the hiring representative asked me if I was “married” to my previous salary, as my new one would have a significant sales bonus as part of it. Without thinking, I responded, “I think if I didn’t stick to my guns on my salary, I’d be letting down women in technology everywhere.” There was a laugh on the other end of the phone, but no further questioning. They came back 2 weeks later matching my previous salary and adding on the 30% bonus raise. It was a split-second response on my part, but by already deciding I was sticking to my salary expectations, I was able to retain my expected salary increase from one position to the next. We are professionals, and we are as worthy of being paid for our time just as our male peers.

Be Recognized Society has raised us that a humility is attractive. Where men are told the successful are confident, women who are shy and soft spoken are often displayed as appealing.30 Women who own who they are and are confident about it can be viewed as unattractive, untrustworthy, or worse. Due to this, we’re less likely to discuss our accomplishments and may even be viewed as intimidating. Women who are looking to advance to leadership positions must be willing to lead by example, recognizing their accomplishments and those of their team. As much as we hear that a manager who identifies their team’s accomplishments is a true leader, if the woman isn’t visible enough to gain the management position to begin with, its all for naught. Unlike your male counterparts, you will have to highlight your contributions more or face the undeniable issue of invisibility. Don’t allow others to remove your course by adding negatives to your path. Women who are natural leaders will be called “bossy” or instead of being assertive will be referred to as “aggressive.” “Negotiating Challenges for Women Leaders,” Martha Lagace, Harvard Business School, https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/negotiating-challenges-for-women-leaders. 30 “Age and Gender Differences in Self-Esteem—A Cross-Cultural Window,” Wiebke Bleidorn University of California, Davis and Tilburg University, Ruben C. Arslan GeorgAugust-Universität Göttingen, Jaap J. A. Denissen Tilburg University, Peter J. Rentfrow University of Cambridge, Jochen E. Gebauer University of Mannheim, Jeff Potter Atof Inc., Cambridge, Massachusetts, Samuel D. Gosling University of Texas at Austin and University of Melbourne, https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-pspp0000078.pdf. 29

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Chapter 4 | Knowing Your Path Is Owning Your Path 1. Correct these negative terms for women who are performing no different than their male peers. 2. Don’t let it deter you from your course toward a position of leadership. As you begin to succeed and move up, remember to pay it all forward. The best way to have more women in leadership positions and to make women the norm in leadership is to lift as you rise. Reach out and sponsor or mentor the women around you. Help them to achieve what you are achieving so that we all do better. Women make up 50% of the workplace, yet their numbers aren’t showing in technology or leadership (Figure 4-1).31

Figure 4-1. Women in the workplace study, 2018 corporate pipeline

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“Women in the Workplace Study,” https://womenintheworkplace.com/.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias To make this change, we need to take more risks and prepare them for more challenging demands. As much as I have offered in recommendations for women to change, it also requires a change in our world, too. Anyone will tell you, culture is one of the most difficult things to change. We need to continue to raise our voice and the women around us, and this means ALL OF US. Women can’t do it alone, and this means that the men in our world are part of this solution, too.

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5 How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship Although advice may not be the best for finding your path, mentors can offer help in avoiding pitfalls, introduce networking opportunities, and, if they’re a great mentor, sponsorship. Sponsorship’s importance is often misunderstood, and the term can be confused with mentorship, but they can be two separate things, as not all mentors are going to sponsor. “Mentorship is being invited to the party; sponsorship is being asked to dance,” — Verna Myers

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Let Me Guide You Men are offered guidance from a young age, with a focus on preparation for the real world.1 As I’ve mentioned before, team sports can offer some of the first preparation for team work, leadership, and how to be competitive in a team environment. As girls’ sports are treated more like boys’ sports always have, you find women gaining confidence, a competitive spirit, and learning how to be part of a team.2 As a child of the 1970s and early 1980s, I remember only a few girls putting themselves all into the sports when they were in a team. There seemed to be an underlying concern about how they would be viewed by their male peers as unfeminine, both physically and in being a threat to the boy’s own masculinity. Many toxic masculinity traits are taught at a very young age in our society, and it’s expected of boys by both genders. If we view “toxic masculinity”3 as simply the extreme demand of being masculine (along with limiting to boys), just as expecting women only to be extremely feminine is limiting to girls, we should get a clearer view on how we are all part of the problem and how we can all be part of the solution. The “be like a man,” also referred to as “the man box,” push of toxic masculinity is pushed everywhere, telling women to be deemed “good,” we should “man up,” while men when they’re not at their best are often called women’s body parts or asked if they’re going to cry like a little girl. 4 Guidance feeds into this, while mentoring women, and in previous years, I was often telling women that they needed to act more like the men while around them, simply accept “locker room” talk, and not to say anything if they experienced an uncomfortable situation. If you wanted to “play with the big boys,” this was to be expected. There was a definite bias toward what made men comfortable, not just in the workplace, but in the world.5 Times are changing, and young women have found increased support as they reach adulthood on how to be themselves at work, and how to work and still address family challenges. We still seem to fail many around what is “Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor,” Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Harvard Business Review Press, ASIN: B00C4GRK5G, August 2013, http://www.jendevries.com/blog/2015/8/24/ what-is-sponsorship-and-why-is-it-so-important-for-women. 2 “Benefits – Why Sports Participation for Girls and Women,” Women’s Sports Foundation, https://www.womenssportsfoundation.org/advocate/foundation-positions/ mental-physical-health/benefits-sports-participation-girls-women/. 3 “The Man Box, Jesuit Social Services Study,” https://jss.org.au/what-we-do/ the-mens-project/the-man-box/. 4 “Hegemonic Masculinity: Rethinking the Concept: Gender and Society,” Vol. 19, Connell, R.W. Messerschmidt, James W. pp 829-859. 5 “Should Women “Man Up” For Male-Dominated Fields,” MSU Today, August 2014, https://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2014/should-women-man-up-for-maledominated-fields/. 1

Crushing the IT Gender Bias required when mentoring ambitious women. When I was in school, although quite independent, the idea was still imposed upon me that to be complete, you were to be married; even if you decided to work, I was made to feel it was secondary to finding a mate. Generations since then, we still judge women on their personal relationships more than what they’ve accomplished professionally when talking with the women I mentor and when talking to my own children. Where a majority of questions toward my sons will be about what they are doing in their spare time and their plans for education and career, they’re still asking my daughter about her appearance and relationships.

Find Me a Mentor Locating productive mentors to help you continue your path to success can be a challenge.6 The first thing to do is take the FORMAL out of the process of finding a mentor. When my husband heard me initially refer to him as my first mentor, he was surprised, as there was never a formal discussion where I went to him and asked him to mentor me. Mentoring is when someone helps guide you in your career and offers you advice, and the best mentors also offer sponsorship for opportunities. There will be people that naturally reach out and want to help those around them do better. These are natural mentors and should be identified for their contributions as a mentor. They earned this title by the simple fact that they mentor even when no formal request has been made (Figure 5-1).

Figure 5-1.  Lacking confidence in requesting mentors/sponsors, KPMG

“Women, Men and Mentoring,” Psychology Today, June 2017, https://www.psychology today.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201706/women-men-and-mentoring. 6

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship I’ve formally mentored dozens of men and women, but I’ve had more mentoring arrangements where there was no formal agreement between us. There was never an official discussion, where the individual asked me if I would mentor them or I agreed to mentor. The situation just naturally developed as we conversed, and growth by both individuals involved was the ending result. I would only realize I was their mentor when they would humble me with the title later on in discussion, social media, or written communication. Although it’s unintentional, most sponsors and mentors gravitate to those that remind them of themselves.7 With a majority of these being white male, it leaves us at a disadvantage8—having an expectation that you will have more than one mentor and that since you are a woman, it may require a group to raise the success of your career more so than your male peers. Although I’ve been blessed with incredible mentors, I found that there was a distinct difference in what each gender mentor was able to offer me. Where men were able to offer me more opportunities, women were able to help empower me and show me how to have more professional satisfaction. These women were more inclined to support my decisions and my path than the men (keeping in mind that I’m in my 50s and from an older generation than many that will read this book). Women mentors listened closely as I discussed what goals I wanted to achieve. I naturally connected with women that were less likely to judge me or to be put off by my ambition. On that topic—Keep in mind the discomfort we have with women’s ambition and that it can be impacting in mentor relationships. It’s essential to have mentors that either aren’t affected by it or are able to grow past it; this is important. There are some tell-tale signs to let you know when the mentorship isn’t a good fit, but a poor match is something women in search of mentors must also trust their instincts on. Locating a mentor can start with professional groups and memberships. Although it can look attractive to search out a mentor at your current workplace, if the mentoring doesn’t go as well as hoped, it can create an awkward situation.9 This can have added complexity if the mentor weren’t able to commit to the expectations or turns out to take the failure personally. Due to these issues that can arise, I recommend searching outside of the workplace for mentoring.

“Mentor People Who Aren’t Like You,” Richard Farnell, Harvard Business Review, April 2017, https://hbr.org/2017/04/mentor-people-who-arent-like-you. 8 “Mentoring Diverse Leaders,” University of Pittsburgh, Business Professor Audrey Murrell. 9 “The Three Career Mentors Everyone Should Have,” Elle Roth,The Muse, https://www. themuse.com/advice/the-3-career-mentors-everyone-should-have. 7

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Making a Plan Plan on a goal of a variety of mentors—those that may guide you in personal, professional, and networking, and although I’ve stressed finding women mentors, don’t shy away from both genders as mentors. The main difference between male and female mentors is that men will most likely share with you how THEY achieved what they have. A strict set of steps and goals may be requested. The most successful mentoring situations for women helped guide them to learn what they wanted to achieve and helped them build out the steps to achieve this. A good mentor won’t shy away from a difficult decision or ask the individual to look inward on what might be holding them back. It should all be done in an open and supportive conversation. Constructive feedback with options to move forward should also be a part of the goal. Feedback from your mentor should include options to move forward whenever possible. This isn’t saying that a mentor will have all the answers, but they should be open to discussion to help you find opportunities to overcome that you might not have found on your own. As you work through your list of challenges and goals, also keep a separate list of those challenges that you’re having a bigger challenge overcoming. Consider these a work in progress and retain them in a third category. None of us are perfect, and many times, to accept weaknesses and building work arounds are the best way to continue to grow and not become stuck on one challenge.

Women Mentors—Where Are You? While you search out mentors, especially in a technical field, you might have a difficult time locating women mentors. A change in the way we view mentors may be in order. Just as we’re less likely to consider women for promotion, credit them for ideas, or view women at leadership levels, we’re also less likely to consider them when considering who would be a good mentor. Similar situations were experienced by those in my network that resonated with my own experiences. There were numerous times where I wasn’t credited as someone’s mentor, even after years of formal mentoring. These same individuals were more likely to identify my spouse as their mentor, even if he had very limited contact with them, almost as if having me as a mentor meant that Tim and I came as a package, crediting one was no different than crediting the other. Why did this situation continue to occur? For many, when introducing themselves and discussing their technical history with someone they were hoping to make an impression on, having an older male as a mentor had more prestige in their view than the woman who’d actually mentored them. Again, this isn’t any different from the occurrence of a woman not being given credit for ideas she’s had or work she’s performed. It continues the invisibility of women not recognized for their contributions and capabilities.

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship As you reach out and accept mentoring, ensure to give credit where credit is due. Squash the unconscious bias we have that what women do is volunteered versus when men do the same, it must be recognized and credited. Paying this forward will hopefully return to you once you’re successful and sought out as a mentor to others.

Sponsor Me The next tier above mentoring is sponsorship. To sponsor someone is to introduce, network, and recommend an individual for opportunities. Research has shown that women are three times less likely to receive sponsorship than their male peers.10 As your sponsor will most likely be someone much higher up, maybe even in the C-level who will advocate for you and your promotions, it’s important to choose wisely. This is an essential part of your growth, as women with sponsors are more likely to be considered for stretch assignments that would be out of reach without the advocacy of their mentor. Once you’ve created a strong record of achievement in your career and have the beginning benefits of a mentor, it should be time to consider sponsorship. This could be with your mentor or it could be with a separate individual. With women being less visible due to bias, this shouldn’t be a surprising statistic. It’s not that women aren’t trying, they just are less often recalled when a list is formed to make recommendations resulting in sponsorship. An article recently discussed how one of the reasons women were sponsored less than men was that there was a bias against women, often by the women themselves, around sponsorship.11 When they were offered sponsorship, a high percentage of women viewed it as “cheating.” This was a profound concept, and I realized that I fell into this category. I’ve always been one to attempt to do everything on my own, often the hard way. Even when others have offered to assist me or sponsor me. It took me considerable time to learn to accept sponsorship and not view it as an easy way to an end goal. As I pondered the complexity of my view on receiving sponsorship in my own career, it was easy to see why I felt this way. How often are successful women insulted by someone, crediting her success to someone else—a mentor or male team member, even when they may have performed little or none of the work? How often when discussing an attractive, successful, young woman are there whispers of “she slept her way to the top”, even now?

“The Sponsor Effect: Breaking Through the Last Glass Ceiling,” Harvard Business Review Research Report, January 2011, https://hbr.org/product/the-sponsoreffect-breaking-through-the-last-glass/an/10428-PDF-ENG?Ntt=the+sponsor +effect. 11 “3 Reasons Women Have Fewer Sponsors than Men,” Fairy God Boss Editorial, https://fairygodboss.com/articles/women-fewer-sponsors-than-men. 10

Crushing the IT Gender Bias This type of cultural bias is going to create anxiety in most any woman and drive her to do everything, anything on her own, and I strongly resonated with the discussion that sponsorship could be viewed as cheating. I strongly understood why women would avoid it and miss out on opportunities to advance in a more efficient manner. You must be stronger than this fear and realize by not taking advantage of sponsorship, it will impact your growth and your ability to advance as fast as your male peers. Recently, a female peer was lamenting about the lack of women sponsoring women. Although I’m aware that I’m one of the few doing significant sponsorship of those around me, I also know the difficulty surrounding it. The “token woman” situation results in a woman sponsoring another woman and losing her place because society replaces women instead of adding women as we promote. It’s the repeat problem of viewing only so many seats at the table for women, and if one rises, the others often fall instead of rising up, too. The second challenge is that there is so much pressure on women in the workplace already and so few women in technology and senior management, that having men sponsor women is, in my opinion, the key to making the sponsorship of women self-sustaining.

The Next Step Once we’ve moved beyond the need for sponsorship and the complexities around it, the next focus is how to gain sponsors by becoming more visible. As we’ve discussed in previous chapters, it’s essential that women find ways to network in safe and productive ways. Social media is still one of the best ways if you’re not speaking or presenting at events. Online forums,Twitter, and LinkedIn/LinkedIn Groups and Meetups are some of the best ways to make yourself more visible and to build your network. Twitter is a highly social network, but as vast as the platform covers, there are small groups that form involving interests, business, and specialty or focus. Follower count doesn’t equal success of the platform, either. Understanding how to connect with those who are providing great content and can connect you with others in your industry is key. Learn what hashtags (#) are connected to your industry and interests. Using them can make a difference in connecting with the right people. Once you follow the right people, interacting with them and sharing information may lead you to the right mentor or sponsor. As I recommend in a previous chapter, LinkedIn provides a safer social media platform to network through. Take the time after any meeting to connect with everyone in the meeting on LinkedIn. Consider joining LinkedIn groups that specialize in your field or specialty. Post insight, share what you’ve accomplished, and respond to posts of those you consider potential mentors or sponsors.

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship Meetup is another platform that has a wide area coverage. Starting an account is easy on meetup.com as is searching for groups that are in your area of interest. All required is to type the topic in the search bar of the application and click the search button. Meetups often occur after work or on the weekends and provide a membership, as well as events with potential mentors and sponsors in attendance. A quick introduction, with a follow-up connection on LinkedIn, is a great way to make an impression with someone from one of these events. The format allows you to build out a professional brand that represents your skills and be authenticate. The biggest hurdle is swallowing your fear and beginning to respond or post. Take the time to think through your responses/ posts, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Potential sponsors are always on the look out for those individuals that are good at their jobs, are open to learning, and have a voice. Don’t be afraid to use yours. Although there is some overlap in sponsors and mentors, you’ll begin to recognize the difference as a sponsor will reach out to you and let you know they have an opportunity for you. It may be in the form of a job, a chance to contribute to something unique in your field of expertise, or a chance to do more with your career. Mentoring tells you where the doors are, and when there’s a knock, sponsorship opens doors for you. A sponsor is well connected, and, in my case, I became a sponsor after being recommended for too many opportunities. It was in everyone’s best interest to recommend someone else for the opportunity that was available than to say no. This helped guarantee that opportunities continued to be made available to me (removing more of the invisibility problem that women have). As some may be hesitant to share their opportunities with others, this is a great way to get potential sponsors to sponsor others. I recommend, as your own opportunities start to build, begin to sponsor those that have potential. It’s always about paying it forward, and you will, sooner or later, find that it pays back to you if you do. Opportunities that you may want to consider depends on your path. If you’re looking to advance in your career, a sponsorship to meet someone who works at your dream job or company may be important to you. If you are looking to write, consider writing a blog, which can then turn into articles, and consider reviewing a book before taking on writing a chapter on a book or two. Sponsorship can come in a nontraditional form, too—someone could be looking to work a more flexible schedule and knowing you are, too, may find an opportunity to share a full-time role. Sponsorship sometimes requires looking outside the box and building out opportunities that may not be present in more traditional ideas of what success looks like.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Mentor, Heal Thyself That leads us to finding those to mentor and sponsor. There’s significant content available on how to be a mentor, but very little on how to find those you should mentor. It was a learning process for me, starting with locating those I thought were being overlooked and then learning as I went along. Yes, my mentoring is more peer-to-peer style. I’m there to advise and sponsor, but I’m also there to show that I’m only human. If a mentor is too perfect and too self-protective, never showing their own flaws, it can appear what they’ve achieved is out of reach for those they are guiding. One of the most valuable skills of a mentor is to be authenticate and human. Embracing our flaws and demonstrating that we work daily to be better is a more powerful example to those that wish to follow in our footsteps. As I completed mentoring with different levels of success, these are the things I found most successful. 1. Instead of one-on-one mentoring, do two mentees and a mentor. This offers the opportunity; if the mentor is busy, a peer is available to offer support. 2. Find those that are “hungry” to succeed. You can’t succeed if you don’t have ambition. 3. The mentor must want the mentee to be more successful than they are in the end. One of the challenges many older women in the industry have is that they’re told for a woman to succeed will require her to give up her spot she’s achieved. We must discard this old bias and move for more equality of women in leadership and success. 4. When searching out those to mentor, take insecurities into consideration. With sudden success, titles, and public recognition, it can become an inner battle for some as they move up the ladder. This is a battle that no one is the winner in the end. If the individual desiring to be successful is more focused on other’s accomplishments more so than their own, it may be better to mentor them in focus and self-confidence than sponsoring. I’ve experienced a great amount of destruction resulting from those with great internal battles from insecurities. Take the time to get to know the person you’re considering mentoring.

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship 5. There is no need for a formal schedule of mentoring sessions—some individuals will need more time, others will just need to be pointed in a direction or offered some sponsorship and will make the most of it. Give people just what they need. 6. Ask those that you’ve mentored to pay it forward. No other way is mentoring and sponsorship self-sustaining unless you do this one thing. Let those you’ve supported and granted opportunities to take it to others and build upon it. For those that have an extended mentoring agreement, you may be challenged on how to address the problems that women in technology face and how to advise them. What most of us found, the biggest benefit that a women mentor offers us is support. Understanding can be so essential to moving past an impacting experience when there is a high chance that we are surrounded with those in a male-dominated work environment. Although we may want to understand, it is a significant challenge doing so. This doesn’t diminish the power of male allies but leads us to understand that to experience something first-hand makes a significant difference in how we’re able to connect with those we advise.

The Happy, Shiny People The more you mentor, the more you realize that so many women are experiencing the same bias and challenges. The more you speak with them, hopefully it’s not that you become frustrated or angrier but more aware of options to work through the problems and come up with solutions that you never would have if you hadn’t spoken with others. I think this is my biggest challenge with the “why do you have to talk about the challenges we’re facing?” topic of those who just want to talk about the positive changes in the world of women in technology. Once, I was describing how I was instructed that I could only talk about “positive” aspects of women in technology at an event and the organizers wouldn’t tolerate any discussion around bias, discrimination, or the percentage of women leaving tech. Upon hearing this, a woman I greatly admire, Elaine Murano, who runs Equili,12 quipped, “Oh, you mean the happy/shiny people!” I’ve used the term to describe those that would ask me to deter from honest discussions and to only stick to positive talking points. I think we strongly need the words of encouragement and positivity, but when we avoid having real conversations, those done with sensitivity, and all have our own experiences, it deters us from building bridges and solutions to what we’re facing.

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http://equi.li/.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I found that many of the support I garnered in the Oracle arena on women in tech issues came from honest discussions, sometimes uncomfortable, but because they were done with mutual respect, the outcome was one for the better. I was willing to listen and empathize with the experiences of the person who might have an opposition on my point of view, but we undoubtedly left the conversation better than it ever would have been if the conversation hadn’t occurred. My message here is don’t give up and don’t shrink away from the tough conversations. This doesn’t mean you give up ground, but it does mean you come to a common ground to openly discuss. Being able to see the world through another person’s eyes is incredibly powerful and can often help you solve problems you’d never thought possible. What is common ground? • First decide coming into the conversation that all involved have something valuable to offer to it. • Show respect and expect respect to be given in return. • Focus on the goal of the conversation. How best to share your point of view that the other person will see where you’re coming from. • Remember that being right isn’t the same as doing the right thing. • Be there with the goal of you both coming out the other side of the conversation better for it. • No matter what anybody says about women apologizing too much, always be ready to apologize and ask the other person to clarify or elaborate on something they’ve said vs. taking it personally. This approach can help in many different circumstances, not just on the topic of women in technology. Having this mindset when discussing anything difficult, in personal and professional conflicts, can make for a more productive conversation. The Bully I’m sure some of you are wondering if this is going to work with the workplace bully or that one guy that shows nobody any respect. There are going to be difficult people in the workplace that are “equal opportunity” bullies and then those that have a bias against women or other minorities. How we deal with difficult people has been a challenge I’ve been faced with many times in my career and personal life.

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship Let’s start by stating something we’ve already covered—society is uncomfortable with women that don’t fit traditional roles and traits. Some of it is hard-wiring survival methods built into humanity, but much of it is designed into our culture. The research13 is out that proves that our gender is more controlled by our brain than our physical body, but I’m not hear to debate that topic. What I am here to do is discuss the challenges that women face when they work in a male-dominated industry and may possess less traditional traits identified with a woman. Per research performed by the Australian Government and Comcare, workers reported that 20% of them encountered bullying in the workplace.14 Of the data it collected, it discovered that 1 in 30 workers are serial bullies and that the bullying can continue for years, in some cases. With these high numbers, it’s no surprise that they also documented that 84% of workers will encounter bullying in their careers. Bullying also resulted in the workers judging their workplace as oppressive and 65% wouldn’t report incidents out of fear. The most alarming numbers from this study were around violence and threats. Twenty-three percent of workers stated that they had come across “threatening behavior” in their workplace, and 15% were on the receiving end of physical assault. As bullying can involve leadership, the research documented that 66% of the respondents reported workplace bullies that were managers or supervisors. When we come into conflict with someone who is uncomfortable with women who demonstrate less culturally acceptable traits in ambition, behavior, or interests, it can create an out-of-control situation. I’ve always said I brought the worst out in workplace bullies. This type is often doing their best to hide their insecurities and trying to be on their best behavior, and then I come in and really outperform without even trying. Even when I screw up, I’m quite comfortable in my weaknesses, so I take full responsibility for it and even have the tendency to make something positive of it. This can turn the workplace bully’s world upside down. They are suddenly facing their insecurities they don’t have a handle on (it’s the real reason they’re a bully to begin with), and the behavior that was occasional begins to escalate, and this is often the time they begin to target me. It often starts so suddenly, I’m left with this horrible feeling in my gut, knowing that I’ve triggered them and that I need to start working strategically to deescalate their behavior. The amount of energy that is allocated by both the bully and by me, as the target, to do this

“Explainer: Sometimes the Body mises up male and female,” Science News, July 2015, https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/explainer-sometimesbody-mixes-male-and-female. 14 “Bullying Case Study,” Australian Government/Comcare, July 2018, https://www. huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/24/self-doubt_n_5877116.html. 13

Crushing the IT Gender Bias is considerable and leaves less time for productivity, something I’m painfully aware of. As someone who doesn’t like to waste time, you can imagine as stressful as it might be for most people, it’s considerably worse so for me. We’re all raised that work isn’t supposed to be fun, that’s why it’s called work, but there are numerous research studies that have been done recently to calculate the costs to companies by workplace bullies.15 The cost in productivity and turnover is substantial and has been the key to me gaining the upper hand in these situations. I must add, I was younger when these situations occurred and at this time in my life. That may seem unimportant, but today, I neither have the energy nor the desire to stay in a job with a company that would keep a workplace bully that causes significant turnover or damage. With extensive experience as both a target and as an advisor, I strongly suggest leaving a workplace if the situation becomes unbearable. Women may be raised with less of an ability to separate ourselves from our workplace and not have it impact our health when a workplace bully is present. So yes, work won’t always be fun, but it also shouldn’t make you miserable or sick. There’re also those detail-centric individuals that will wonder what classifies a workplace bully? A bully is someone who uses demeaning, abusive, and/or antisocial practices to impact the ability for others to be productive in the workplace. They may try to mask it behind policy or procedure but show preferential treatment to a large group and often choose one person at a time to target. The bullying is often aimed at easier targets in our culture—women and minorities. The most interesting thing I’ve noticed is if a bully does empty a workplace of all the women and the minorities, they will then strike out on those that are left, almost addicted to having a target and getting a high from having an adversary. If you’re working in an office with a workplace bully, here is my advice 1. If the behavior has just begun, see if it can be strategically deescalated and if there is a way you can work with the person or be moved to another department/team so you lessen the need to collaborate with them or work for the bully. 2. Find another job. Get out quick and get out fast if the bullying is intolerable or has the potential to impact your career.

“Costs of Bullying: The Business Cost of Bullying in the Workplace,” Tamara Parris, Parris, Wolfe and Associates, https://www.overcomebullying.org/costs-of-bullying.html. 15

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship If you’re still set on fighting the good fight, then here are the facts—it’s a very time-consuming and an energy-draining battle. A workplace bully lives in a world where they have an adversary and you’re the one they’ve placed that target on. You can strategically try to avoid them, have them forget about you for a while as they take on other battles, but sooner or later, they will most likely refocus their negative attentions back to you. If it’s your manager, then you’re in an additionally weakened position of reporting to the bully. Employees leave bosses, they don’t leave companies, so this unfortunate combination can create a situation that’s rather difficult to overcome. I have taken on two bullies I reported to in previous jobs. The first one was experiencing skill set challenges and was threatened by my natural leadership and technical skills. She had survived by reporting solely in a lead position to the upper management and those who reported to her were unaware that they were taking blame for her technical mistakes until 6 months or more after the problem had occurred. At that point, it seemed petty for anyone to ask for it to be addressed and the behavior continued. The situation changed after I came back from heading up two large projects, to take over organizing our group and implemented a task management system that electronically recorded and historically tracked who was responsible for work in our group. Once she started to blame me and others, for her mistakes, I went to the manager above us and asked him to address it with her. He said he couldn’t and wouldn’t explain further. I explained to him, if he wouldn’t, I would go to HR and he said, “Please, please do.” Confused by his behavior, I printed out all the proof that she was the one in charge of the tasks which had been performed incorrectly and took it to HR. I calmly and carefully explained the loss in revenue and productivity to the company and told them very clearly that I just wanted it to be addressed. I explained to them it was unfair to her not to have proper leadership and support in becoming a better technical specialist. I had met with HR on Thursday at the end of the day. The next Monday morning they walked her out. I remember being frustrated that the problem hadn’t been addressed proactively from the beginning so it required a more severe outcome when I went to HR in the end. Lacking leadership is one of the biggest instigators of workplace bully behavior.16 If you don’t have a strong leader, expectations are often left unset and positive interaction between teams and individuals degrade. A strong leader may have strategically mentored this lead and held her accountable before the situation ended up out of control, hopefully resulting in a different outcome than termination.

“The Dimensions of Workplace Bullying Behavior,” Edward Stern, EHS Today, March 2017, https://www.ehstoday.com/safety-leadership/dimensions-workplacebullying-behavior.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias The second time I was faced with a workplace bully, it was a group effort. The database group reported up to the development manager, with me as the Lead Database Administrator. This development manager experienced significant challenges with insecurities. These insecurities were to a point he would delegate tasks to developers but leave out key requirements so he’d be able to come in after it was released to production to “save the day” and feel like he had done his job. It was a vicious cycle that had gone on for years before my arrival, and I was hired in hopes of changing it. After a full review of the environments and months of continued data corruption due to this practice, the DBA team was ready to cut off anything but read access to production and isolate all of development to development’s own, newly built out, environments. After locking down production, there was a clear break with this development manager. He demanded to have access to production and was openly hostile to me and the database team. I had the support of the operations manager, who the network and server administrators reported to, but production database team did not. After conferring with him and receiving his support, I went to Human Resources with a fully documented plan to move the DBA team to report under operations and clear description of why it was a conflict of interest for the DBA team to report to development. The DBA team was moved to operations in the following 2 weeks and were able to proceed with formalizing change control and code reviews for the next 2 years. There are two lessons from this win to keep in mind. 1. Yes, you can win this battle, but you may not win the war. Years later, after I’d left the company and gone onto green pastures, tired of protecting the data, the databases, and the DBAs impacted by this manager, the organization model returned under the development manager. 2. Once the team returned under this development manager, the best of the team quickly departed for new employment. If a company doesn’t take the cost of workplace bullies seriously, the cost continues to be incurred, to both revenue and in employee turnover. As I’ve grown older and ahem, wiser, I made the decision. As much as I wanted to take on these battles, they often pulled me away from those that I could make a larger impact individually to. It wasted too many of my own valuable resources when it was the company that needed to make the change. I learned to redirect my time and energy to reach a larger audience. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, but if companies care, then they will address the problem themselves, realizing the cost.

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship What does that mean for those instances when I still come across a workplace bully? I’m still likely to bring out the worst in them before I know I’ve crossed them. I have come to the realization that I will interact with (at least) one workplace bully in the course of 2 years at any company. I also know they will either be a minor nuisance I can simply ignore, or they are someone who can impact my career, and I need to strategically work around them and avoid the chaos surrounding them. I’ve learned how to navigate difficult people over the years and the tips I can offer for dealing with them are as follows: • Document how often your meet—Ensure to move all informal meetings and talks to formally scheduled ones. If you can do web meetings where you’re able to record them, DO IT. You’ll find that most bullies are a bit obsessive, especially with women and minorities, and the sheer amount of times they meet with you can be a red flag to HR if it escalates. • Get it in writing—Once you’re done meeting, make it your problem that you’re having a challenge remembering all that was covered in the meeting and ask the “bully” to document what were the important talking points in an e-mail to you. Let them know that you’re better able to absorb that way. • Keep your eye on the goal—Your goal is for them to leave you to do your job. If you can inconspicuously be moved to another team that won’t affect your goal at your job, work with a trusted individual to help you achieve this. • Don’t vent—It’s difficult to not feel frustration at being a target, but don’t vent to those around you. If it gets back to the bully, it can escalate the behavior as their insecurities will be raised. As they may have convinced themselves that they’re doing this for your benefit (offering guidance, mentoring), only vent to those that are outside of the workplace. • As the bullying begins, don’t wait till it gets out of hand. You should always be searching your network for new opportunities. Continue to grow these relationship so if the situation does start to escalate, you will have the chance to move to a promising new job and not the first offer that just comes up in a position that you won’t be happy in for a long time or that will require you to take a pay cut/position drop.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias • Don’t be surprised if the bully reads into things you say or write and assumes they’re about them. As a bully has focused on you as their adversary, they may assume that you have also done the same toward them. You may be required to carefully explain after you’re accused of making them look or feel bad. As we’ve discussed, if you are a woman in tech, there’s no greater red flag than when a male manager or peer says you’ve hurt their feelings. At that point, you’ll need to very carefully and strategically work to stay out of their radar. Bully behavior, similar to abusive behavior, may also lead the bully in attempts to isolate their target. Just as an abuser often demands that their victim stop communicating with family and friends, a red flag with a workplace bully will involve demands to disconnect from your network and social media and eliminate any professional connections that could support or advise you. Don’t allow this—your network is one of your most powerful allies to overcoming a workplace bully. Last, but not least—don’t blame yourself for the bullying. Women are culturally more likely to look internally for the reasons of poor behavior in others.17 One of the biggest hurdles for women in tech to get beyond is the years of society asking us to second-guess ourselves when in fact, it may very well be someone else’s problem.18 Begin to recognize the difference to trust your instincts.

Gasoline and Advice So why is this discussion pertinent to mentors and sponsors? Workplace bullies can impact your sense of self-worth and ability to attain either one. It’s not just the cost of a good employee, but the cost of a successful career. A workplace bully, especially one who is keen on gaslighting (a strategy of making the target or those around them believe it’s in their imagination or they are the ones with the problem, also referred to as “gas lighting”), can impact your reputation and your professional standing.

“Who Is a Workplace Bully’s Target,” Sally Kane, The Balance Careers, October 2018, https://www.thebalancecareers.com/who-is-a-workplace-bully-starget-2164323. 18 Unbinding the Heart, Agapi Stassinopoulos, Penguin Random House Publishing Services, ASIN: B006I1J65U, http://wakeuptothejoyofyou.com/. 17

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Chapter 5 | How to Find Mentors and Secure Sponsorship My first experience with a workplace bully was in the beginning of my database administration career. This person had management believing that I was technically incompetent and threatened my employment with the company numerous times. Although my peers knew otherwise, they feared becoming her next target or getting involved, so I was left to fend for myself until someone finally stepped up and let my manager know what was going on. Gaslighting can be incredibly detrimental to a woman’s career, more so than to a man’s.19 When we doubt a man’s word, it can be a very serious act, but as we’ve discussed, we are less likely to believe or trust women, making gaslighting a woman easier to do. This is where documenting interactions and having a third party involved in all formal discussions will deter gaslighting situations. A bully is less likely to do this with a witness present. Many times, having a strong manager that holds the bully accountable for their behavior, can eliminate the behavior long term. If an experience with a bully has impacted your opportunity to attain either sponsorship or mentoring, there are remedies you can take that will help to gain a second chance. If it’s a potential mentor, consider asking them to go for coffee or a similar, relaxed meeting. Don’t accuse the bully, but rather choose no sides, and apologize for the unwelcome situation. The potential mentor will be more open to listening to you and recognize that you’ve chosen to take a higher road, which is attractive in a mentee. Examples of this might be: “I know the unfortunate interaction with John the other day hasn’t put me in an attractive light, but I would like to apologize and thank you for taking the time to have coffee with me today. I’m really interested in growing my career and would love the opportunity to pick your brain on how you’ve been able to navigate so successfully, even in challenging situations.” “Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to sit down with me. I was really disappointed in the meeting the other day and was wondering if you could provide me any feedback on how I could handle myself better when faced with that kind of situation in the future?” The second piece of advice I’ll offer is this: Communicate.

“Why Women Need to Stop Second-Guessing Themselves,” (video) Carolyn Gregoire, September 2014, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/24/selfdoubt_n_5877116.html.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias I was often able to get ahead of workplace bullies and difficult people by communicating and connecting with others around me. By having open communication and being accessible, they were likely to feel more connected to me than the bullies, who were often difficult to get along with. This doesn’t mean you become a door mat. Being accessible and communicating have nothing to do with giving up your ideas, objectives, or ambition. When in meetings, I was able to clearly discuss my ideas and how they involved other goals they wanted to achieve as part of my goals. I was only able to do this by having a continual dialogue with others around me, discovering what was important to individuals and team. The one thing that doesn’t impact the ability to gain sponsors or mentors is changes in positions. I’ve had a few people ask me if they have switched jobs too often, having left a job after 3 or 4 years. A mentor rarely is looking at your resume to see how long you’ve worked somewhere. A mentor is looking toward your future and where you want to go. A sponsor is going to look at what you want to achieve and whether you have the motivation to complete the opportunity they’ve recommended you for.

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6 Moving at the Speed of Light Work-life balance can seem like a myth or an impossible achievement. Amazon’s CEO, Jeff Bezos, was recently highlighted in numerous articles about not believing in work/life balance.1 He believes more in work-life HARMONY vs. balance because balance tends to imply that there’s a strict tradeoff of the two in your life. He doesn’t believe in multitasking, but most men are less likely to believe in it, too.2 No one can truly multitask, but as a woman, I do know that I’ve a tendency to split my focus on multiple trains of thought. I most

“Why Jeff Bezos Doesn’t Believe in Work-Life Balance,” Thrive Global, Shelby Lorman, https://thriveglobal.com/stories/jeff-bezos-work-life-balance/. “Jeff Bezos Doesn’t Like the Idea of ‘Work-Life Balance’ – Here’s What He Swears by Instead,” Sarah Berger for CNBC, August 2018, https://www.cnbc.com/2018/08/09/ what-jeff-bezos-does-instead-of-work-life-balance.html.

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“Jeff Bezos Says His Advice to Amazon Interns and Execs is to Stop Aiming for WorkLife ‘Balance’—Here’s What You Should Strive for Instead,” Zoe Bernard for Business Insider, November 2018, https://www.businessinsider.com/jeff-bezo-advice-toamazon-employees-dont-aim-for-work-life-balance-its-a-circle-2018-4. “Increasing cognitive load attenuates right arm swing in healthy human walking,” The Royal Society Publishing, Multiple authors, January 2017, https://royalsocietypublishing. org/doi/full/10.1098/rsos.160993.

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© Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_6

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light likely hyperswitch between the tasks, but it appears that I’m multitasking. This is how I spend most of my life, including work. I’m consistently asked how I get so much done, and I rarely feel overwhelmed or taxed. I just switch back and forth, throughout the day, between work and family tasks as I’m needed. There’s one more trick that ensures I have a better work-life harmony: I refuse to let people waste my time. People can drain you of valuable energy and time. People say that women need to learn how to say “No,” but we just need to learn to say no to those that waste time with extensive validation of our professional skills, considerable discussion when there’s a simple yes or no answer. A few years back, I was recommended to write to a technical publication by a fellow author. The editor e-mailed me, and after I submitted an article, he began to ask extensive questions in an e-mail chain. He requested numerous validation that I was a technical professional on the topic I submitted. This was after I’d sent him repeated links to the proof he requested. Upon receiving it, he asked for more proof. This conversation went on for several weeks, but I soon realized something I found quite disturbing—from our continued discussions, it became apparent he hadn’t read the articles or research links I sent him, or the article to be published. I reached out to three other authors; of the male authors, none of them had experienced what I had with this editor. The one female author verified she had experienced the same thing with him, and it took her months to get him to publish her article. I finally sent him an e-mail, thanking him for his time, and chose to send the article to a competing magazine. Although I’d never written for them before, they agreed to publish the article on the writing and my reputation, and it was the cover article in the next issue. I finally met the editor of the original magazine I’d had such a challenge with recently after he attended a session that I was one of the panelists on. He introduced himself afterward and asked why I had stopped pursuing an article with his magazine. I felt that I would only be wasting more time trying to explain to him, and it wasn’t a topic for a public location, but the truth was, I didn’t have the time to waste pursuing it with him any further, and I had learned my lesson. If someone wastes your time as you aim for a goal, redirect your valuable energy and find someone else who won’t, whenever possible.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

The Visible Woman There are many ways to move up in your career, but as we’ve already discussed, many times women can be invisible, even when they’re communicating, achieving, and as ambitious as their male peers.3 This is where putting yourself out there comes into play. Most people may not believe it, but my introvert tendencies are well hidden. I don’t gain energy from interacting from people—I expel it. I absolutely require downtime to recharge before I must present or socialize. When I’m up on stage, I’m simply extending my comfort zone to own a room, but like a rubber band, my boundaries will snap back at some point and I’ll isolate myself to recharge. Online presence does offer an opportunity to get your name out there and demonstrate your professional skills without leaving your introversion behind (Figure 6-1). There are a few recommendations I make to anyone I’m mentoring who feels challenged with an online presence: 1. Have a fully built-out CV and profile on LinkedIn. 2. Considering blogging—you can even blog on LinkedIn, allowing you a professional voice on a professional network. 3. If you are a developer or DBA, open a GitHub/GitLab account and publish your scripts and code. 4. Depending on your professional group, find out what mediums they use to communicate—Twitter, forums, Facebook, LinkedIn Groups, etc. Become part of these groups and interact. 5. LinkedIn and Twitter offer women a great way to network with less hesitation. These are more professional networks, and the goal is to do such.

“Women in the Workplace 2018,” Lean In, https://womenintheworkplace.com/ Women_in_the_Workplace_2018.pdf.

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Figure 6-1. Who uses social media (by gender), Pew Research Center, 2018, http://www. pewinternet.org/fact-sheet/social-media/

Social media can be a scary thing for many women. We hear the stories about women and online stalkers and cyberbullies, but there are some rules that have served me well: • Use a professional handle and email address. Consider using a handle that is nondescriptive. • Keep your photo and your profile text authenticate but clearly state that you’re technical. Your goal is to build a brand. • Use the same photo for each of your accounts. Google doesn’t just search on words and phrases, but by images, too. • Use hashtags and search words that match what you do professionally. • Don’t be afraid of the mute, block, or disconnect options in any forum. Don’t try to reason with anyone who tries to argue online. First offense, warning, second offense, block. • Don’t publish any personal information about yourself. I have my Facebook account practically locked down to all but friends because its where I connect with my friends and family. I don’t connect with people I don’t know on Facebook either.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias • Last, but not least, remember that social media is there for you, not the other way around. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you should enjoy sharing your technical knowledge, networking, and connecting with people. As LinkedIn is a professional network, all content should be professional, but having an authentic twist is important. There are some tricks to getting the most out of this social media platform, and I’ve tried to share them whenever I’m mentoring or presenting on the topic. LinkedIn tips: • Always use a professional head shot. • Keep skills to the top ten that match the current position or opportunities you’re interested in. The algorithm for the site searches on the first ten. • Use a catchy title, different from your current position title. Avoid words that score low or are overused: disrupter, ninja, warrior, creative, passionate, expert, or guru. Some of these words may sound cool, but they just get bypassed by those interested in hiring you. • Create a summary that states exactly what you do or what you’re looking for. • You can export your LinkedIn CV/resume as a PDF or Word document. • Update your profile link from the default to your name (http://linkedin.com/first.last). • If you’re looking for a job, consider having a link to your profile on your blog, twitter, and even on your business cards. • As you can blog on LinkedIn, consider writing a few, professional posts on key topics in your industry. For those of you that would like to blog but unsure about starting a blog, I wrote my first blog post in 2008 as a guest blogger on the recommendation of Chet Justice of ORACLENERD.4 I started my own blog soon after, and, in the years since, it’s either shortened my technical interview time (the interviewer reads my blog then possessing the answers about my knowledge level before we even meet) or it’s opened job opportunities because people came across my blog.

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https://www.oraclenerd.com.

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light Starting a blog is easy: 1. Start with an open/free platform. Consider blogging on LinkedIn or open a blog site on Blogspot. 2. This is part of your online brand, so the pictures you’re incorporating in your social media presence should also be pulled into your blog, as well. 3. If you’re scared, you have nothing to say. Everyone has something valuable to give. Some of my top blog posts are on topics I didn’t think anyone but me would care about. Don’t be afraid to share. 4. Blogs serve as self-documentation, too. I don’t know how often I’ve ended up referring to my own content for help, even years later. 5. You can refer to blog posts on forums, to customers, and even to potential employers. 6. Blogging can lead to opportunities to write articles in publications, white papers, and authoring on technical books. 7. Once you get your blog going, consider connecting it to your social media accounts to reach a larger audience and add your blog site to blog aggregators that readers use to find content. After starting your own blog, you might even consider presenting. Presenting is one of the ways that women can smash through the glass ceiling. It means you must reach outside your comfort zone, but if you enjoy sharing your knowledge and want to take the next step in your career, presenting to groups can be one of the most beneficial steps in your career. If you want to start small, you can present at your local user group,Toastmasters, or even in front of your peers at work. As you become more comfortable with presenting, you can then submit abstracts for events in your city, state, or even internationally. Acceptance as a speaker to a technical conference grants the speaker a free pass to the event (most often), and that means access to training sessions and networking opportunities. When discussions of how to break through the glass ceiling is broached with me, I can’t tell you how powerful blogging and public speaking are to achieving this. Both of these platforms give voice to women that are less impacted by the invisibility that seems to occur to women in the workplace. It grants credibility and validation that you possess expertise in your field.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Rising Above As you begin to build up speed, with your professional activities, social media, etc., you may receive some backlash from others. Again, I’ll state, we’re uncomfortable with women’s ambition,5 and if you’re doing well, expect some people to test you a bit, just in a bid to understand how you are able to accomplish what you are doing. Realize that this is their problem, not yours, and don’t let them distract you from your goals or waste your time. You may have some people who come to you, claiming to be concerned about you, but derailing you from your goals. They may claim that you have received special treatment to have received all that you have, even when you know it was your own hard work. Don’t let them—Leveling the playing field isn’t the same as lowering the bar. What you accomplish is to no one’s credit but your own. To recap what I’ve stated in this chapter: • Consider blogging, either on a free blogging site or on LinkedIn, to start. Getting your content and voice out there is a great way to share what you know with lesser gender impact. • Blogging can lead to other opportunities—articles, books, and speaking. • Presenting is a great way to take your career to the next level and can help you break through the glass ceiling. • Know when to not listen to criticism—if it’s not constructive and if you can’t take anything away from it to move forward, it’s rarely going to be helpful.

Dressing the Part Work attire is another area of the tech industry that can be challenging. Many offices are becoming more casual, and some tech offices have dress codes that would be barely acceptable at the park. Dress code in the IT industry is a common topic in articles. To promote increased collaboration and agile work environments, attire became more relaxed. Information Technology perks, as we’ve already discussed, often include standing desks and gym memberships on site. This is less supportive of a traditional women’s business attire, such as the pencil skirt, dress, or heels.

“Women and the Leadership Labrynth, Howard vs. Heidi,” Maria Katsarou, Leadership Psychology Institute, 2012, http://www.leadershippsychologyinstitute.com/womenthe-leadership-labyrinth-howard-vs-heidi/.

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light Historically, women’s dress was based on attraction vs. function.6 Over the last century, this has changed, but our culture will bleed into our work life, and this includes dress code.7 Women are more identified by their clothing, and with the level of attractiveness, than men, and as we’ve discussed earlier, how a woman is dressed is a means for women to connect with each other. Men’s clothes are looser, their fashion changes less dramatically, and we judge men less on physical attractiveness.8 I believe that a woman should wear whatever she wants, but there is research involving a sensor monitoring the amount of times a man or women adjusted their clothing on a given hour. The women in the tests adjusted their clothing ten times more often than the average man. Of the 112 individuals surveyed (70 men, 42 women), the men adjusted their clothing an average of four times per hour. The women, on average, adjusted their clothing 40 times per hour. We straighten our blazer, smooth our skirt, and check our nylons for runs and shoes for scuffs that often. As we’re judged more critically on our appearance, we’ve learned to be hypervigilant of how we present ourselves.9 Let’s just assume that each time a woman adjusts her clothing (smooths her skirt, checks her nylons, straightens her necklace, etc.) takes 2 seconds each occurrence. We’ll decrease the number from the average to just adjusting clothing 10 times per hour, and there’s 24 hours per day, with an average of 8 hours sleeping. The numbers tell us that a woman will spend 5 minutes per day adjusting her clothing. This isn’t counting the loss in concentration from what she’s doing at the moment she breaks from the task to adjust. I know it sounds like a bizarre detail, but I’m all about efficiency and removing white noise (wasted time from valuable life), and this to me was wasted time. So why do women adjust their clothing so often? Humans can be a very judgmental bunch, and we receive these fine details on how others are attired by a process called thin-slicing. This is the process of millisecond judgements we make on new stimulus, and society performs thin-slicing on women’s attire at an excessive level.

6 “What Not to Wear: A Short History of Regulating Female Dress from Ancient Sparta to the Burkini,” Sara Bond, Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/drsarahbond/ 2016/08/31/a-short-history-of-regulating-female-dress/#133fc99a58f1. 7 “Movement Behavior of High-Helled Walking: How Does the Nervous System Control the Angle Joint During an Unstable Walking Condition,” PLOS One Journals, Peter Raffalt, Nicolas Petersen, Erik B. Simonsen, May 2012, https://journals.plos.org/plosone/ article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0037390. 8 “The Cognitive Consequences of Formal Clothing,” Sage Journals, Michael L Slepiean, Simon N. Ferber, Joshua M. Gold, March 2015, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/ abs/10.1177/1948550615579462. 9 “Mirror, Mirror, Summary of Research Findings on Body Image,” Social Issues Research Center, http://www.sirc.org/publik/mirror.html.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

Judgment Day Each gender may do it differently, but we both do it. While many men are judged on their abilities, women are often still judged on their appearance.10 When we isolate to attire, men are accused of observing women’s on level of male attraction and women judge other women’s attire on level of acceptance. Women’s clothing overall is more restrictive, less comfortable, and simply more impacted by changing fashion, which can add up to a combination that’s created multimillion dollar industries of fashion clothing lines, magazines, and online content. My reason for focusing on this topic is if a woman in tech is spending time adjusting clothes ten times per hour, this is mental energy that isn’t available for productive endeavors and adds up to 5 minutes lost per day. I’m highly distractible and discovered that I was able to concentrate better when I was more comfortable. Once arthritis developed in my feet, I no longer could wear heels but settled happily into wearing combat boots. I didn’t want to be traditional “nurses shoes” (not that there’s anything wrong with them, they just didn’t meet my personal style), but I made a decision not to have my feet hurt anymore. From there, I started to identify what pieces of clothing distracted me and replaced them in my wardrobe. • Socks with fell down were replaced with those that stayed in place on my ankles. • Any clothing that was uncomfortable in any way—cut in, binding, tight, or restrictive—was replaced with comfortable, well-fitting clothes without a need to adjust. • Bike shorts under dresses so I wouldn’t mind walking upstairs that were exposed to the lower floors. • Shoes and boots that are top-notch quality, but nothing with a heel or pointed toe. • I learned to dress in layers, so I was more likely to be comfortable, no matter the temperature. All of these clothing choices were to support my personal style—the materials wash and wear well, but the rule is, I must be comfortable and love the article of clothing. The extra time saved from adjusting and distraction

“A Study of Gender Bias in Relation to Female Television News Anchors and Their Perception of Age and Appearance Discrimination,” Grand Valley State University, Dottie M. Barnes, Master Thesis, August 2015, https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/ viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1637&context=theses. 10

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light from discomfort can then be used to continue focusing on the task at hand. I applaud the women at conferences/events wearing 4-inch heels (that they can even stand in them!), but any woman who is competing with men in tech is already pressured to perform at a higher level, and to do that, you need every edge you can get.11 This is one more area you may be expelling mental energy that you didn’t even realize—adjusting clothing hourly to keep up your appearance in clothing that is incredibly unforgiving. Be you, but find a way to be a comfortable you to be the best you.

Speeding Up As women begin to fear their ambition less and desire to do more with their technical careers, they begin to move beyond just doing a good job technically. As their male peers have achieved- writing, presenting to audiences, and achieving positions on boards, so shall women. As many have discovered, they might receive mixed signals from other women who’ve pioneered before them and with good reason. We unconsciously still move one woman up, expecting another to step down to make room for her. This is one of the complexities that continues to hinder women’s advancement in the workplace. Until we recognize this and address it, along with treating women in technology as technologists, I don’t see it changing. I also recommend running for a board position. Start out with a local community or technical group and move onto higher positions from there. It is not only beneficial to your career, it’s even more so for the boards that are progressive and seek women out. Women board members must be offered the same respect and opportunities as their male peers. As women are less likely to view board positions as a “tick on their resume” vs. a position that requires their full contribution, women board members can be amazingly effective for any board.12 To quote Tina Fey, “Bitches get stuff done.” Board positions are an incredible opportunity for those that want to do more, but so are conference events, panels, and event organizing in your industry. Helping be part of the change and supporting local organizations can introduce you to your local network. The question by many is how to get introduced and become part of groups and events, such as conferences.

“What Men and Women Really Think about Gender Equality in the Workplace,” Vivian Giang, Business Insider, August 2013, https://www.businessinsider.com/what-menand-women-really-think-about-gender-equality-in-the-workplace-2013-8. 12 “Companies with Women on the Board Perform Better,” Report Finds, The Guardian, https://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/sep/29/companies-withwomen-on-the-board-perform-better-report-finds. 11

Crushing the IT Gender Bias As diversity and inclusion becomes more important to tech conferences, conference organizers are just as often perplexed with low turnout of women attendees and speakers. With the importance of attendance to the success of any event, reaching out to the women in the industry to improve upon this is a great idea. If you have chosen to attend an event, review what social and after events are available for attendees. You might be surprised how male oriented both they, as well as vendor offerings, are, but this is something I believe can change with increased diversity numbers. I admit, I’m unaware of any women in my circle who hasn’t experienced an awkward interaction at a technical conference due to over indulgence of alcohol, booth babes, and male-focused attractions. For those events hoping to raise the number of abstract submissions from women speakers, consider sending invitations to submit an abstract to potential speakers and to previous attendees. Changing abstract submissions from a proposal of competition to an invitation doesn’t change how the abstracts are accepted but does change the perception for the submitter. If we want more inclusion of women at technical conferences, a change has to occur about what makes a successful event for everyone who attends. Only a small percentage of women will voice a frustration with male-oriented technical events.13 Another small percentage will claim it doesn’t bother them, having grown immune to it, and a majority will just deal with the discomfort until they decide they have something better to do. This creates a situation that isn’t self-sustaining and will never improve. There has to be a large investment in the next generation, too. Not just changing what is, but what is to come. We’re seeing monstrous initiatives into Science,Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) education. We also need to move the needle on cultural changes in how we view girls, not just at the critical age milestones14 (5, 8, 12, and 15) but also from the point of how culture views them from before birth. There’s been a disturbing trend, as of late, to have gender reveal parties for parents to be. On the surface, this can appear to be a benign celebration of the upcoming birth of a child, but to me, it was a disturbing fascination with a child’s gender. It’s complete submersion into the pink and blue world of gender that isolates what is male and what is female vs. letting children be the

“Women in Tech Speak Frankly on Culture of Harassment,” New York Times, https:// www.nytimes.com/2017/06/30/technology/women-entrepreneurs-speak-outsexual-harassment.html. 14 “Science Faculty’s Suble Gender Biasses Favor Male Students,” Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences of the United States, Corinne A Moss-Racusin, September 2012, https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2012/09/14/1211286109. 13

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light most they can be. I was raised in the 1970s. It was post the hippie movement, and my clothes would stand out today as nongender specific, with much fewer dresses and a lot of corduroy pants and shirts offered in the same colors as they did to the boys. I’m not saying it wrong to have frilly dresses and outfits in pink and purple with sparkles. What I’m stating is that clothing shouldn’t be a gender identifier and quit using colors to identify what is between a child’s legs. These items are used too often to determine what a child is or isn’t capable of. As play is essential to identifying potential contribution to society later on, we hinder our next generation with gender bias. We use gender to decide what toys are acceptable for children to play with, impacting the ability for our future generation to be the most productive members of society. It’s not just letting girls play sports and introducing them to STEM activities. It’s identifying how bias affects your own parenting. We’re taught bias from very early on, creating an unconscious layer to our decision making. In a toy store, a boy picks out a doll, and a parent is inclined to influence him to choose a different toy, knowing that dolls are identified with girls. This may seem benign, but this can have a long-lasting impact on a boy that child-rearing is for women, not men. The same can be said when a girl wants a science set, but the toy’s been placed in an aisle that’s identified in blue, designating it the boy’s aisle. This sends a clear message that science is viewed as the realm of men and shapes how she will invest her time in science, even if she has a sincere interest in the field. For most people, we’re past being aware of these small, impacting issues. We are busy raising our families and making a living, but we are all in this together and should be concerned about the future generation. To continue to grow, we need to make the most of the best that we have, and to do so means that we have the contributions of everyone in society. More access to STEM for everyone in schools, women, and all people of color means that we have the contributions to these fields from a representation of our world. Amazon recently shut down an extensive artificial intelligence experiment due to bias being built into the data model.15 I have numerous friends who work at Amazon, and they have a phenomenally mature diversity and inclusion program, yet this project was still impacted by bias. It’s an excellent example of understanding why work performed must be done by a representation of the world we live in and we can’t expect those who aren’t living it to understand it. Bias is a natural part of all of us, and it’s too strong—it colors our world and shapes our mind too much.

“Artificial Intelligence Can Reinforce Bias, Cloud Giants Announce Tools for AI Fairness,” Paul Telch for Forbes, September 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/ paulteich/2018/09/24/artificial-intelligence-can-reinforce-bias-cloudgiants-announce-tools-for-ai-fairness/#1f383a2a9d21. 15

Crushing the IT Gender Bias So we continue to work to change the future, identify, and discuss bias openly and with compassion for all involved. We refuse to simply accept it and come to the conclusion, “Oh, that’s just the way it is.” There was a strong push when I started to just be “one of the guys,” but it’s simply not possible. As we’ve discussed, our society identifies individuals so distinctly by their gender, that it can feel like a sign around some women’s necks.

Taking the Lead If we are ambitious and hope to move up the corporate ladder, data demonstrates the demographics are weighed too heavily toward men advancing before us.16 Our male allies who wish to see a change can come under clear scrutiny by those around them and if we attempt to be more like our male peers, we really only come up as less of ourselves. This is where we embrace who we are—not as women, but as technologists. The ME principal comes into play, and we become part of our society, our family, and our teams at work. It allows us to be the most that we can be. We refuse to pretend to get sports if we don’t, but also don’t fear loving them if we do. We clearly request to perform the same work as our peers. We embrace our hobbies, our interests, and what is important to us, without a more maledominated environment subliminally telling us that it’s uncool because it’s not male focused. We politely refuse to get coffee or take notes but ask that each and every member of the team take turns doing so. Women must be free to be fully themselves—their own strengths, skills, and perspectives in technology. We must stop thinking that if it’s not cool by the men dictating their own interests, then it’s not cool. We must push the boundaries of bias and ask those limiting us to have open conversations when bias comes into the picture. We speak up when a female peer or a person of color is experiencing bias, because standing idly by is silent acceptance. Many women don’t speak up in fear of being labeled as complaining. They don’t call it “bitching” and “nagging” for nothing. Although men complain as often as women, its women’s complaining that culturally is deemed more distasteful. With this distinction, women are more inclined to keep negative impressions to themselves in fear of judgment. 17

“Women Ask for Raises, Promotions as Often as Men but Receive Less: Study,” Ashley Portero for International Business Times, January 2012, https://www.ibtimes.com/ women-ask-raises-promotions-often-men-receive-less-study-394556. 17 “Essay, Women Conform More than Men,” https://www.bartleby.com/essay/ Women-Conform-More-than-Men-F3CZGSQZVJ. 16

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light There is some influence for those working in a male-dominated industry to bite their tongue when the go-go dancers show up at an event or when the team-building exercise involves another round of fantasy football or sporting event or appears as a non–team player. Speaking up is an integral part of moving the change at the speed of light. Although it can be uncomfortable, silence is akin to acceptance, and nobody is going to know there’s a problem if nothing is said. They’ll just continue to scratch their head and make assumptions as to why the number of women in technology is so low.18 We must commit ourselves to changing the world, or at least our little corner of it. Our voice has power, and as women, one of the biggest ways we can influence change is by speaking up. Our voices have been made passive since the beginning of time, and finding our voice is a change that has a bumpy history for us all. To be in technology requires a more fearless push into this disproportionately male arena. We need to trust ourselves, knowing that we’re less likely to trust in ourselves. It was Eleanor Roosevelt19 who said, “Women are like tea bags, you never know how strong they are until they’re in hot water.” Until we do this, we decrease our chances to achieve our full potential. Instead of fearing the unknown, the risky, and the ambitious, we need to embrace it and weather the coming of the storm. Once on the other side, you recognize your metal and that you are much more capable than society ever gave or will give you credit for. This requires significant patience to get to this point in your career. Patience is a virtue and for women in tech, patience can be mandatory—patience and persistence to keep trying when others have given up. I have an old Hebrew proverb attached to my bulletin board, “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” This sums up the difference between failure and success. Many of those we admire for their success will tell you that persistence is the key. It’s not that they did so much right and won but that they persevered and continued when others gave up. The more women that do this in tech, vs. leaving it for an easier path, will lead the way to making women the norm in technology. The challenges we face in the women in tech space may seem overwhelming, but to break it down into bite size chunks and just do something to change a little of it every day is the way to make the biggest impact. Being gracious and showing compassion to those as we do will guarantee that we don’t lose our humanity while we’re at it.

“Why are Women Leaving the Tech Industry in Droves,” Tracey Lien for LA Times, February 2015, https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-women-tech-20150222story.html. 19 “Eleanor Roosevelt Biography,” https://www.biography.com/people/eleanorroosevelt-9463366. 18

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

For the Love of Tech With so many chapters on the challenges and what we need to change, someone might ask why we’re in it at all. I am all about evolving and ever bettering the world around me. With that, I have to say that I’ve had an incredible career in tech. Working in technology has granted me the ability to do what most working women haven’t had the chance to do. I’ve been the bread winner for my family while working the last decade from home to care for those that need me and now have the salary to put all three of my children through college, debt free. There aren’t many careers outside of technology that will offer you that kind of opportunity. I work in an industry that is changing as fast as my brain moves. I am practically the spokesperson for women with ADHD. I need a fast-paced career with a variety of interesting tasks and challenges. I appreciate the ability to hyperfocus on a task, and feeling the loss of focus, I can switch to another different and engaging challenge. I need a flexible schedule that allows me to be more than just an employee. I’ve been able to find mentors and sponsors to provide me outlets to build more of my career outside of my day job. I’ve been able to contribute and share my knowledge with the wider world online and in person at conferences and events. I’ve been able to travel throughout the world, at the level I wanted to invest, to share what I’ve learned. I have friends all over the world that I wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t in technology. My career lets me spread my wings and reach into other technical areas than just the one I’ve been hired to do. I’ve had the opportunity to volunteer my time to STEM education and worthy causes. I have discovered other likeminded individuals to build communities that do more than just do a job; we build solutions for companies that required the thought leadership of a large community. I’ve been able to work with some of the biggest Oracle and Microsoft databases in my day job and then go to a user group event and present with one of the smallest computers, working with Raspberry Pi. As these small, single ARM computers weren’t around when I was young, it allowed me to relive my childhood and get the opportunity to work with the technology that I never had the chance to when I was a kid. With all our children grown, my husband and I have shifted into the next phase of our life. We’re not ready for retirement, but we didn’t want to let life pass us by, either. We sold our home in the Denver area, and as I now work for Microsoft, we moved into a luxury RV. We travel the United States while working remote, immersing ourselves in the towns and cities we think might be potential next homes. There aren’t a lot of career choices that would allow for that kind of freedom and stability.

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light As I’ve progressed through my career, I made clear notes of what worked to keep me on my own path and what didn’t. My current position with Microsoft is by far, my favorite. I have the freedom to be as technical as I want and the demand to keep me busy like I like. Although I’m still on a team with all guys, the strong diversity and inclusion education at the company have helped to ensure that I’m truly treated as an equal. If unconscious bias does arise, there are straightforward methods to address it openly and without repercussions. I think this is a goal for most people in my industry—be happy, be productive, and be more than you were yesterday. Being part of technology is important, as technology keeps me connected to my mobile life, family, and job. My children (as the last two are still in college) live far away from me with the travels. If they need anything, I’m instantly accessible and connected. It baffles some people how I can work remote as I do, but with recent technical developments, I’m able to work online with a dedicated mobile hotspot that allows me better connectivity than my peers with a residential WiFi connection. I meet with customers via web meetings to support them in the Microsoft Data Platform and AI stack, and if they need me on-site, I just need an airport close to fly out, which isn’t very often. My office practically fits in a small backpack, and as we all know, technology is getting smaller and more mobile every day. This is the life that technology provides me, and I want this type of satisfaction for others, no matter what industry serves them, but when it comes to tech, I want to address where we’ve been failing, too. I’ve had a combination of skill, luck, persistence, and great support to make for an incredible career, and I want that for others. The dream where I arrive at a school and 30% or more of the girls are interested in learning about a career in tech is out there. The day when a tech department closely represents the real world we live in is achievable if we try. There is a litany of opportunities that are out there for women and people of color in technology that everyone should have access to. We all benefit from it when they have them. Beyond the slew of inappropriate comments, invisibility, bypass of promotions, and gender pay gap, there are the initiatives of hiring practices of inclusion and diversity. Even when those hired are more likely still to be male due to limited numbers of female or candidates of color, these men are more inclined to think openly about inclusion and diversity. They are less likely to limit the women and people of color around them because the hiring process has changed to include these important aspects in anyone they hire. It’s not just about the race or gender of who they hire, but how the person thinks about inclusion and diversity.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias This is a game changer, as we embrace that we ALL are part of the solution. With everyone focused on the goal that diversity (Figure 6-2) is key to success in product and revenue, women and people of color succeed along with. Bias diminishes, and we have more women in tech and leadership positions.

Diversity in Technology White Asian Black Latino

1% 2% 23%

74%

Figure 6-2.  Overall diversity in the technical industry, TechCrunch 2018

As men try to navigate this space and move past the bias that we’re all raised with, they may wonder how to be a successful advocate for women and people of color. There are some surefire ways to empower those around you to be better. 1. Be aware when you might patronize or be condescending to those around you. This is one of the quickest ways to alienate women in technology. 2. Unless a woman DIRECTLY asks you to explain something, DON’T. The term “mansplaining” isn’t pleasant, and it does happen too often. 3. Speak up when you witness bias. a. Point out if a woman’s idea or work has been credited to someone else. b. If a woman is having difficulty getting a word in edgewise, assist her by interrupting the person or group by saying, “We haven’t heard from XXXX, I’d like to hear what she has to say.”

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Chapter 6 | Moving at the Speed of Light c. When discussion arises on promotions or assignment of tasks, note if female peers were recommended. If not, recommend one. d. If a male colleague is having difficulty interacting with women peers, consider taking him aside and discussing it privately. If he’s inclined to backlash, your intrusion, if embarrassing, could escalate the behavior. e. “Locker room” talk is incredibly destructive to women’s standing on a team or her career. Call it out, and request it stop. Men, coming from a place of privilege in these situations, have incredible power of change in the industry as allies. Being advocates for those around you can make for a better work place, better team, and a more successful business.20 One of the great drivers of technology becoming male centric was the marketing in the 1980s of computers to boys. Not just the commercials, but the games were designed toward male interests.21 Consider the lost revenue to young women, 50% of the population, by this decision. I believe this was a critical mistake in history costing both revenue and decades of contribution from phenomenal potential technologists. For us to truly move at the speed of light, we need to bring a full representation of our society into the design and development of our technology. Having anything done by an isolated group is only going to continue to produce a flawed outcome and never achieve its full potential. The benefit of diversity to business is a larger competitive advantage in today’s market, with women making 85% of the buying decisions and business is beginning to realize the demand of the demographic to have products that reflect the needs of this segment.22 The biggest surprise is that a majority are women under 30 years old. This is rarely the face of the creators of technology, and this needs to change.

“How Gender Differences in the Workplace Can Boost Productivity and Improve the Bottom Line,” Training.com, Barbara Annis, Gender Intelligence Group, January 2016, https://trainingmag.com/how-gender-differences-workplace-can-boostproductivity-and-improve-bottom-line. 21 “When Women Stopped Coding,” NPR, October 2014, https://www.npr.org/ sections/money/2014/10/21/357629765/when-women-stopped-coding. 22 “Statistics on the Purchase Power of Women,” Girl Power Marketing Study, https:// girlpowermarketing.com/statistics-purchasing-power-women/. 20

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Interesting enough, studies have been done—it’s not just a theory. Both Stanford23 and Harvard24 have shown that when the technologists are a stronger representation of the end users, better quality products are the outcome. This results in increased revenue, more successful companies, and a competitive advantage the business wouldn’t have without a diversified base. A secondary proponent of having a more diverse tech workforce is that salaries rise and the gender pay gap diminishes.25 Software development, project management, and computer systems are three of the top growing demand positions in our workforce today, and more representation is a key to getting more girls interested in these fields early on. Due to lacking technical education in our current school system which is resulting in a limited number of Computer Science graduates (Figure 6-3), this may require us to lean heavily on “accidental technologists.”26 This type of technical professional, the ones that came by it without a degree, but due to a need, currently makes up about 50% of those in the database industry that I work in. These individuals either have degrees in fields other than computer science, came in from the military, or for some, just weren’t comfortable in standard schooling curriculum but were technically savvy, and the lacking workforce allowed them to gain more than enough experience where a degree was no longer warranted.

“Ignoring Diversity Hurts Tech Products and Ventures,” Mike Pena, Stanford University, November 2016, https://ecorner.stanford.edu/article/ignoring-diversityhurts-tech-products-and-ventures/. 24 “How Diversity Can Drive Innovation,” Harvard Business Review, December 2013, https://hbr.org/2013/12/how-diversity-can-drive-innovation. 25 “How the Best Companies Do Diversity Right,” Michael Bush and Kim Peters for Fortune Magazine, December 2016, http://fortune.com/2016/12/05/diversityinclusion-workplaces/. 26 “Technology in Schools: The Ongoing Challenge of Access, Adequacy and Equity,” NEA Policy Brief, 2016, http://www.nea.org/assets/docs/PB19_Technology08.pdf. 23

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Computer Programming Students

Computer Programming Jobs

2%

STUDENTS All other math and sciences:

All other math and sciences:

40%

JOBS 60%

98%

Figure 6-3.  Percentage of students focused on CS careers vs. the workforce demand. Source: https://code.org

With the sheer number of technologists, we’ll require in the next 2 years, I believe we’ll see increasing numbers of accidental technologists working into new careers in the industry. It will require training, often working from a role they previously were more qualified for, but then lead to the discovery of technical skills lending them to succeed in a new technical role. I don’t see this as a deficit, as it will result in a more well-rounded technical industry in the end. As products are more representative to the end users they represent, greater interest results in technology, which also drives more diversity in technical careers. It would only be natural for this representation to result in more Computer Science degrees and technical schools to drive our tech industry.27 These kinds of changes could create a wave even greater than that of Silicon Valley, and with the technical advances we already have in place, it could encompass more than just a location but be driven throughout the country and move out to envelope the world.

Technology in Schools: The Ongoing Challenge of Access, Adequacy and Equity, NEA Policy Brief, 2016, http://www.nea.org/assets/docs/PB19_Technology08.pdf 27

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7 Stories from the Trenches I was lucky enough to be sponsored to be part of a book series, called Let Them Finish, Stories from the Trenches, and it makes you realize how powerful each of our stories are. It’s not just someone speaking for you, but your own voice, your own experience, and a collaboration through similarities that bring bias and progress to light. I’d already wanted to have a chapter surrounding the same in my own book. As I’ve been known to share, I receive between 10 and 30 emails per week from the community looking for guidance and support and sometimes to simply vent. It’s therapeutic to share one’s challenges, as well as it bonds us, especially when we realize that we’re not alone. I had reached out early on and asked some of my peers if they were interested in sharing a story of what it was like to be a woman in technology. In an effort to demonstrate the similarities with which bias impacts all diversity, I also reached out to those of racial diversity and sexual/gender orientation to ask for their contribution, too. Technology has so much to gain when we allow everyone to contribute fully to the industry, so it was important to me to try to give as many as I possibly could a voice. I offered the opportunity to contribute, either by name, initials, or with anonymity, and with a focus on education, not persecution. Anonymity was important, as with the experience of bias, we can also feel embarrassment. We don’t want to be viewed as a victim or feel that we’re now open to judgment. I know one of the first emotions I experience when I’ve dealt with

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches uncomfortable situations of bias—it isn’t anger, it isn’t frustration, but without a doubt, embarrassment. I’m embarrassed that I have to deal with the bias and that we’re still unable to move past it all. All the experiences in this chapter were shared with the permission of the contributors. Although it may seem odd that I must mention this, any similarities to individuals you know or think you know should not be assumed. I can’t recall how often I’ve written about my own or other’s experiences in blogs, articles, etc., and there’s nothing more awkward than telling someone who’s contacted you and is angry about a story they think is about them that it’s not. Realizing that more open dialogue and stronger diversity and inclusion initiatives would then, in turn, build more comfort in open discussion among the community, I wasn’t surprised when I experienced a stark difference in individuals’ choices to share their stories. The women who were involved in communities with more open communication were more likely to contribute and were less likely to desire anonymity. If the community possessed a strong Women in Technology initiative, women were over 40% more likely to want to contribute (outside of time constraints, which decreased the number significantly). I’m starting with Ruth’s story, as she is someone who’s part of “soft tech,” often having to deal with bias during her long career. She’s warm, supportive, and friendly. She, like many women I know, has a tendency to look internally for answers to her problems and is incredibly resourceful in the way she reaches deep and inspects her career, even now that she’s retired.

The Only Woman in the Room Ruth Czuprynski There is a song in the musical Hamilton about being in “the room where it happens.” In my career, I was often the only woman in that room. While many women jump at the chance to have a seat at that table, I was not one of them. This narrative explains why I felt that way and what I learned from those experiences. There have been times in my career where I was the only woman in a meeting, working on a project, or in a management role. In all of these situations, I was often overwhelmed with feelings of intimidation, insecurity, and self-doubt. Questions predominant in my mind were • Would I be able to voice my ideas cogently? • Would anyone listen to me and value my opinions?

Crushing the IT Gender Bias • Would my ideas make sense to those I worked with? • If my idea was selected for implementation, would it be successful, or would I be blamed for failure? • Was I chosen to participate in those meetings or projects not for my abilities but to represent the “token” woman? My career over the last four decades spans the same timeframe that saw many American women enter the workforce in supervisory and managerial positions en masse for the first time, so it’s really been a polyglot of experiences: 1980s:The Wall I started working for a health care conglomerate in my 20s, but in my early 30s I found myself in a new supervisory role. I didn’t actively seek that position of leadership, but my male boss saw me as capable enough to be promoted. In those years, I was the only female working in a management level, leading a group of about 40 employees in a testing lab environment. I found that role challenging but doable, but when I found myself in a room full of other male managers, my mind told me that I was not capable. I was quiet and didn’t volunteer opinions unless I was asked. I often felt invisible in a group setting. My male manager never really provided any coaching as to how to act or respond in meetings or in other male-dominated situations; he didn’t seem to know how to be a mentor. I tried to watch others and learn by observation, but I still had these nagging feelings that any contributions I made would not be worthy. I was also hesitant to ask for guidance as I had the feeling that since I had been promoted to this position, I should already know what to do and how to act. I received some feedback at annual review meetings, but it was not detailed and was more of a “you’re doing fine.” I didn’t feel that there was anyone in the organization that I could be frank with about my struggles. I knew that I could not be successful if I let self-doubt control me, but I didn’t know how to overcome those feelings. I let the opportunity pass by to be more assertive as I was unsure of the reaction I would get if I behaved that way. 1990: Working 9 to 8 I shifted my career to a different division in the same conglomerate but a whole new role—Quality Manager—engaging with medical device engineers who were predominantly male. I often attended meetings with these engineers, but my manager (also male) provided absolutely no guidance or feedback on how to successfully engage with the engineers. He was the type of manager that typically interfaced with managers at his level or higher, leaving managers at my level to do all the legwork with the engineers and to determine what worked and what didn’t by trial and error.

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches I often felt that my opinions were not respected as I didn’t have the in-depth technical knowledge that they did. I even overheard a conversation between two engineers that I was “a nice person” but didn’t understand the work they were doing. As a result, I felt that the engineers were cooperating on a face-to-face basis but did not respect me behind my back. Needless to say, this was extremely frustrating. I had developed quality assurance skills and process management skills that I was willing to share with the team; however, since many of the projects in the organization were date driven, most of the processes I wanted to implement were viewed as barriers to getting the work done on time. There was also conflict within our group that our manager didn’t want to deal with. My peer managers included two other women and one man. One of the women was very controlling and was constantly in the manager’s office. While I was away from the office one time, she told my manager that my approach to the work was insufficient. I had to defend my work to my manager when I returned to the office. Eventually, my manager sent our group of managers to team building training in an effort to resolve the conflicts. Needless to say, the training did little to improve our working relationships. Between knowing I was not respected by the male engineers and the conflict within our team, I realized it was time to begin looking for other work. Later that decade, I finally had a shot at my dream job: working with a veterinary medical company. Since I had pursued my BS in Biology with the original goal of becoming a veterinarian but was unable to complete the education, this was as good as it could get. I finally had the chance to oversee animal studies and apply both my quality assurance and degreed skills, but after just 2 years, the company was sold, and I was packaged out. I found myself at another crossroads. 2000s:The Girl With(out) the Dragon Tattoo I decided to try something completely different: My husband was doing quite well as a contractor/consultant in Information Technology, and he encouraged me to transfer my quality management skill set into that industry. I jumped in with both feet and started working as a software tester in contract positions. Surprisingly, I did find some allies among the mostly male developers—most of them wanted to work with me to improve the quality of the software they were building, so they were willing to discuss my testing approach and any defects I found. For one of the first times in my career, I felt that I was respected. I had open dialogues with the developers, and they sought me out for my opinions. We worked hand in hand with each other, and that meant we produced quality deliverables. Several of these contract positions allowed me to expand beyond just my software testing skills. For example, at one contract, I learned how to build deployment packages and deploy new code to production. The lead DBA who

Crushing the IT Gender Bias taught me these skills was female; even though she was an employee and I was a contractor, she was more than willing to transfer knowledge to me. During the early 2000s, employees often felt that they should not work with or share knowledge with contractors as eventually the contractor would leave taking all that knowledge with them, and they often felt their jobs were threatened. I did not experience this type of attitude when working with employees. All of the contractors worked in one room together, and although I was the only woman in that room, I felt comradeship in the work effort. After several successes as a contract employee, reality struck: The internet bubble popped, and I decided to transition back into full-time employee mode in a senior quality assurance role at an international insurance company. That eventually led me to yet another new career: project manager for some of the company’s most crucial IT projects. 2010: Same aS It Ever Was As a project manager I worked with predominantly male developers, but when the company decided to outsource their information technology department, I found myself with a new set of challenges: running large projects staffed with outsourced contractors. Initially, most of the resources were from Canada, but as cost demands tightened, more and more I found myself dealing with offshored resources in India. That was a completely different experience, as it required a major upgrade to my abilities to glean the true state of project tasks. The majority of the offshore resources were male. Not only were there communication issues, but there were some resources who quite obviously would have preferred working with a male leader. I often found this to be true especially if the male offshore resource was at a management level or higher. I witnessed them seeking out other males on the team and ignoring me. After so many years of experiencing this type of attitude, I was amazed that I still had to deal with it and that attitudes toward women leaders had not evolved. I was eventually able to earn their respect despite the fact that some of the resources were not used to reporting to a female manager. I had to prove to them that I could make the right decisions about a project’s direction and that my judgment was sound. As with most of my career, it seemed I was constantly having to prove myself to others in this way. The other frustrating part of this time period was that some of the offshore resources did not have the technical skills to do the work. I felt that so many times I had to “spoon feed” them. For example, they frequently did not know how to do root cause analysis on a problem, and I had to lead them by questioning their conclusions. Some of the resources did learn and evolve over time, but it seemed like I spent much of my time training them in these areas. My manager at the time continued to tell me that my expectations of the resources were too high and that I needed to lower them so that I would

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches not be disappointed. While I was eventually able to lead this team of offshore contractors effectively, I still had to accept that it would take more time and effort on my part to do so. One experience I had during this time was particularly demanding. After a minor change in organization structure, I found myself reporting directly to a male manager from India. He had recently relocated to our US headquarters in the Chicago suburbs, so he was new to the organization I worked in. I talked with others who worked with him in the past; they had vouched for him as very helpful and friendly. However, he had never worked in project management, he didn’t know anything about our organization’s project management processes, and most disconcertingly, he had never had any direct reports. I couldn’t understand why he was promoted to this position but tried to work with him and help to educate him about our organization and its processes. On several occasions, he made blunders in important project meetings which resulted in our department head complaining about his abilities. I often ended up repairing the damage that he created with either our systems’ end users or upper level management. I had several discussions with his manager (a woman) about his inability to learn even the basic skills of managing highly qualified technical resources. Her response? She told me that I must continue to be supportive of him and train him in any way I could because I shouldn’t let a fellow colleague down. After all, she surmised, he had relocated his entire family halfway across the United States to pursue this role. She assured me that she would also send him to classes to help him enhance his skills. I was amazed that she continued to support him when it was obvious to everyone at all levels in our organization that his skill sets simply didn’t render him capable of being a project manager, much less lead a team of project managers. Fortunately, another organizational change eventually removed me from directly reporting to him. I was surprised that the organization had invested so much time, effort, and training in a futile attempt to mold him to take on a role for which he was so clearly unsuited. Ironically, when he was eventually removed from his position, he simply returned home to India, ostensibly to run his father’s business. 2016: [Not] Throwing Away My Shot In 2016, I finally had had my fill of working in IT. Although there had been some good experiences (mostly independent contracts), they were often outweighed by the bad ones. I felt that the companies I worked for had similar business outlooks especially during the “outsourcing” craze. Companies were looking to save money on resources and did so by eliminating full-time IT positions and replacing them with offshored resources. Not all of these resources were unqualified, of course, but so many of them were; it often fell to me to find ways to deal with those situations. While it tapped into my creativity to think

Crushing the IT Gender Bias of ways to make my teams successful, it proved to also be a drain on my time and morale. As a female project manager, I recognized that the team’s efforts together would spell success or failure for a project. I felt that this outlook was sometimes unique to me but was vital to the health of the project team. My final project involved evaluating automated tools to be used for insurance claim analysis. The project was high profile and a favorite of the CEOs. The mostly male team of managers reporting to the CEO had no background in Information Technology; disturbingly, they had simply been given a date to complete the project, and their only concern was meeting that date. It was my responsibility to explain to them the project management obligations that had to be met, but they often viewed those obligations as roadblocks, so of course, I was the person creating those roadblocks. One of the younger recently minted MBAs on the team even commented, “I’m really glad you’re dealing with all that regulatory bullshit—it’s not worth my time.” I do think that this type of behavior is encouraged and displayed by higher level management. These types of male managers are led to believe time and again that time and cost savings are the critical aspects of a project. They are rewarded for meeting a date that was based on a line item in the CEO’s MBOs rather than on whether the product they delivered was high quality and met the organization’s needs. They typically receive a bonus or are promoted for meeting the date and then just move on to the next project. I did not back off the requirements that I knew would benefit the project but continued to push for adhering to procedures. One action I did take was to bring in other department leaders (information security, other project management leads) to reinforce my communications to the team of managers. As in so many other instances throughout my career, I was left wondering in this situation if a male colleague had been in my position would they have been treated differently and if my being the only woman on the team was the reason my opinions were being brushed aside. I found myself questioning after so many years why there really had been very little evolution of behaviors in the workplace and how little control I had over making a positive change to it. After almost 40 years in the workforce, I was exhausted—and not just from the long days I’d spent attempting to deliver the highest quality in everything I’d worked on. The constant nagging thought in the back of my mind that if I had just been part of the “boy’s club” my career would’ve gone differently had worn me down. Fortunately, my husband and I had saved and invested well enough over the years to enable me to move on to the next phase of my life. Now: Fulfillment Now that I’m retired, I’ve tackled all kinds of new opportunities. I’ve been an election equipment manager responsible for setting up and maintaining the voting equipment for a precinct in the northwestern Chicago suburbs.

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches I’ve assisted a major campaign for US Congress, and my candidate won, mainly because of the influence of other energized suburban women voters like me. I’ve even returned to my biology roots in a volunteer role at a local arboretum doing citizen-supported science. There’s nothing like restoring a native prairie, especially when I’m working in concert with several world-renowned PhD’s in plant biology. I find myself looking back on my career as I take on these new challenges. I’ve come to realize that much of my reluctance to engage when I was the only woman was due to my interpretation of the situation and my feelings of self-doubt and not necessarily due to the reality of the situation. As a woman with a career, it’s a constant that I had to work harder and be better than my male counterparts. Although that isn’t fair, it is often a reality. Women in management roles are typically treated differently in the workplace not because of their abilities but because of their gender. In the end most times, it really didn’t make any difference that I was the only woman in the room. Oftentimes, someone (a manager, a coworker) trusted my judgment enough to put me in those rooms and believed that I could make a beneficial contribution, and I should have trusted myself as much as others trusted me. However, in the immediacy of a situation, I found myself focusing on my most insecure feelings instead of my strengths. And as I’ve discussed my experiences with other women who’ve followed a similar path, I’ve discovered that overcoming these feelings is a challenge that many women continue to face in their careers. In Ruth’s experience, she noted, although in skills, both men and women managers were equally qualified, they were treated differently. She discovered those that were trusting of her abilities and didn’t disqualify her because of her gender were able to offer her opportunities to benefit the company and the teams she worked with. This is a powerful statement to how more representation could provide more consistent experiences like this and deter from those less productive due to gender bias. Like Ruth, Opal Alapat is another person I find incredibly dedicated, positive, and endearing. She’s an impressive technologist and recognized in her field by her peers, having been awarded Oracle ACE Director. Her intelligence is wrapped in warmth, and her calm exterior should lead people to trust her instinctively. I’m aware it hasn’t always been so, and I’m sorry for those that have missed out on the opportunity to let her achieve the great things she’s always demonstrated she’s capable of in every venture she takes on. We often joke about women being tuned out by the men around them, but there is a more challenging problem of men (and I’m aware of women who do this to fellow women), not believing women until a man validates what she’s said. I have experienced this first hand, where I’ve made a statement, and only after my husband has agreed with me or repeated it do people accept it. I have numerous topics I’ve spoken or written on, that once duplicated by a male

Crushing the IT Gender Bias peer, then goes from opinion to fact. Even with research and references, some simply aren’t satisfied and won’t listen to a woman’s ideas, suggestions, or answers unless a male peer validates it. Rie Irish is the Co-Leader for the PASS Women in Technology group and has graciously gone out of her way since my introduction to the community to both mentor and sponsor me (along with large numbers of women I know.) Her passionate and deep dedication to the Microsoft community is a pertinent part of why this initiative continues to succeed. She possesses extensive experience in database technology and serves as the Director of Database Management with her current employer, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still experience the challenges with bias.

Is This Thing On? Rie Irish I distinctly remember the first time I realized a man wasn’t listening to me simply because I was a woman. Looking back, I’m sure it had happened many times before. This time, in the moment, I knew. I was in my mid-20s and coteaching a university class with a full professor, Tom Petee. I’d completed everything I needed for my master’s degree, and this wasn’t the first class I’d taught over the years. A young man asked a complex question that I easily answered. My answer was in-depth and required a diagram on the board and a significant amount of percentages that I threw in from memory. When I was finished, I asked if he understood. He said nothing to me but turned to the male professor and repeated his question, verbatim. I stood there, slack jawed. To my amazement, the professor instantly recognized what this young man was doing. He was having none of it. Tom stared silently at the young man for a moment and then said “She just answered the question better than I could have. Were you just not listening, or do you not get it?” Fast forward 10 years and I’m a senior DBA on a team at a large company. I work closely with a few all-male development teams for a large corporation. I have full production access and the right to stop any deployment. On this particular day, I’m standing with John, our sole male DBA, discussing an issue we’re having with an upcoming code push. I’m approached by the team lead for my dev team with a SQL Server question specific to our setup. I answer, in detail and without hesitation. The team lead pauses, turns to John, and repeats the question, verbatim. My colleague looks at me, incredulous. This time, we’re both slack-jawed. John repeats my answer to him, as best he can remember and then said “She just answered you. Were you confused?” Team lead mutters something about wanting to be sure and wanders off. Years apart, in different settings with different amounts of power and influence, I was treated with the same level of disregard and invisibility. It took me years

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches to come to the realization that it wasn’t me. It had nothing to do with who I was, how confident I appeared, or how much seniority I had (or didn’t have). It had everything to do with them, with who they were as men and how little respect they hold for women. In both cases, I was lucky enough to work with a man who was aware of the issues I’d face as a woman in the workplace—Men who called themselves Feminists because they realized that equality isn’t pie, that my having more doesn’t mean they have less. Those experiences taught me to not wait for the man to answer but to instead say “I just answered you. Weren’t you listening?” Previous chapter content went into the fact that we often leave women unheard yet tell them they need to speak up. What do you do when the experience leaves you either “slack-jawed” or if response will only lessen the goal of furthering education on the topic? I’ve been asked to guess why women made the choices they made in certain situations and I’m always hesitant. I was most likely not present, and I wasn’t in the other woman’s mind, so any thing said would be an assumption on my part. Having allies, as Rie did in the two experiences she described, helped back up what she was experiencing and why the offender had made a poor choice of not listening to the knowledge a woman was willing to share.

The Lesson Opal Alapat I’ve been a technologist for nearly 2 decades. During this time, I’ve learned many valuable lessons. The first lesson that I’ll share is the educational journey I took to interact appropriately with men. There were times when I was the lone woman on a project and felt singled out and not included. I was not the type of woman who wanted to blend in by laughing at sexist jokes and tagging along with the team to gentleman’s clubs, so I had to make inroads with male coworkers in different ways. I proved myself technically and hung out with them in appropriate venues. I was not a “popular” coworker and endured much negative criticism for not being loyal to the “boys club.” It bothered me at the time. Today, I’m proud of my actions, and I wouldn’t take them back. I don’t think any person should feel pressure to fit into an environment where they don’t feel comfortable. The second lesson is how I learned to better interact with women. The lowest lows in my career involve women pitted against women. Living in a man’s world for so long, I had developed blind spots. I learned the hard way about how my actions, and words could be incorrectly perceived and misjudged. I had to reeducate myself on how to communicate with women. This helped broaden my perspective on how to communicate with people of various backgrounds,

Crushing the IT Gender Bias including race and generation. Some days, this still feels like an uphill battle, but I’m a better woman for it. The last lesson that I’ll share is about finding my voice in an industry where women can still be neglected. Early on in my career, one of my promotions was skipped because my manager forgot to submit the paperwork. It’s hard to say if this had anything to do with gender, but I do not recall my male peers in this group having any issues. I asked to change managers and then flourished under the new mentorship. I’ve also witnessed the anguish of female coworkers who found out that they were being paid less than male peers or passed over for raises that went to their male counterparts. One of my friends was passed over for promotion, and she was told that her male peer would “bring more credibility” to the role although she had many more years of experience. I think many women in my generation and before were brought up to believe that they should not speak up, should be nice to others (even if it means sacrificing themselves), and should not rock the boat. It’s still a challenge for me to overcome my core upbringing, but I’ve learned to fight for myself, stand up for myself, and speak with more confidence to compete. Things have gotten better in the past 2 decades, and I have more hope now for future generations of women, but this industry has a long way to go. The woman that I am today is not the same woman that I was one, or even two, decades ago. Today, I try not to let others get me down. Today, I fight for what I believe in. Today, I lead by example. There is a reason why I present often, regularly promote women in technology on social media, am outspoken about inequality, and volunteer for leadership roles. If I can do it, so can others. If I’m out there, the next generation of women will see it and know that women technologists are important. I’ll keep fighting the good fight. It can be daunting to look back and see how we are today vs. how we were when we started. We can identify our naïve nature or our passion and energy vs. what it is today, but the most important thing we should gain as other traits become less pronounced is wisdom. We should feel we’ve become more confident and accept, even if we don’t understand, human nature more than when we started. I follow Opal’s story with one from another Oracle ACE Director and incredibly impressive woman in the industry, Michele Kolbe-Hardwick. When I approached Michele about sharing a story for this book, I also shared with her that I felt I had let her down earlier on in her career. I’d been advised that if I sponsored her for an award, others would simply think it was because she was a woman and not because she had so obviously earned it. I backed down, thinking I was protecting her opportunity, and it wasn’t until years later when I stepped up to demand she be finally awarded the recognition that I realized worrying about others thinking I only supported her because she was a fellow woman instead of standing up no matter what anyone thought because it was the right thing to do and was what I should have done in the first place.

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The Sponsor Michelle Kolbe-Hardwick I always thought that I was somehow never affected by bias in our industry. I felt that I’ve always had great support from the men and women that I worked with and earned respect by proving I know my stuff, but I was always given the opportunity to prove it. A few days ago, I caught up with my first manager and realized I was naive in thinking that. She told me that when I was interviewing for my first position out of school, her male manager wanted to hire another candidate, a guy. His reason was that he felt I wasn't technical enough. She asked him to look past my young age, blonde hair, enthusiasm, and gender because she felt I was very technical, especially since I had a computer science degree that the other candidate didn’t possess. She convinced her boss that they should give us both a technical test. I aced it, where the other candidate didn’t. It resulted in me being hired and leading to a fantastic career. Without my manager standing up to the bias of her manager and pushing that I was the right candidate to hire, I would not be where I am today. I owe so much to her support of me during the hiring process and not simply listening to her own manager’s view.

Being There Jen Stirrup Women need to create and maintain safe spaces for one another. Women need to create, and be, allies for one another; if we can’t do that for ourselves, then why would be expect men to be our allies? How we treat one another is a message to the industry. Here’s an example: one reason I spoke out about my own MeToo story is because of the rumors being spread around about me. I had told a few people whom I trusted, and suddenly everyone seemed to know about it; my trust had been misplaced. The rumors were pernicious, and I was concerned that the rumors were preventing me from participating in technical community and professional work. I was also concerned that people would find out about my assault and would regard me as tainted or broken. So, I decided to own my story, and I spoke out. These rumors were being repeated by men and women, and it was very damaging to my own healing. I was partially driven to speak out to combat these rumors. After I did speak out, I found that people were sympathetic—at first. Many women reached out, with their own stories, or to offer sympathy. I became a lightning conductor

Crushing the IT Gender Bias for women with their stories, and I was absorbing their pain while working through the shockwaves of telling my own MeToo story publicly. But then: silence. The issue is that we are asked so often to “speak out” and be “brave” about our issues. After I spoke out, nobody checked in to see if I was ok. There was no “ally ship,” and it was forgotten about. I was forgotten about. I had decreased the impact that the rumors were having on my life, but I had replaced it with other problems. I think that there are two types of MeToo stories; the lesser ones that people can stomach, and the ones that are almost too horrific for people to bear. Unfortunately for me, my assault was in the latter category and I think that it just was too much for people, both men and women, to bear. Now, I hear from men who ask how I’m doing, and they want to talk about how my story has helped them to understand their partners a lot better. I do hear from a few women, but not many. Since it helped people, both men and women, the value in telling my story wasn’t lost. I overcame the rumors that were very gendered; no man would have been subject to the pain that I was being put through. I did it by owning my story, and helping other women talk about it privately. I want to do better in future for other women who share their stories and their pain with me. I also want to point out that the technical community isn’t perfect, and it can involve competition, and hate. It’s just like anything else involving people. Fundamentally the strength has to come from you. Nobody is coming to rescue you. Ultimately, though, you’ve got this. It can be part of you, but not define you, and you can focus on your professional successes so that your light shines out more brightly than ever. Like a shattered lamp, your light can shine out more brightly because you are broken, and you can help other women along the way. Be the ally who you’d like to have your back. Be the bigger person. Jen is an amazing person and a technologist in the Microsoft data science community. Her honesty and openness about the painful topic of sexual assault and the bias toward women involved is immensely brave. Reading her articles has inspired me to attempt to write up my own experience with my own MeToo story, and yet it’s the one topic I repeatedly fail to put completely to paper and ink. As Jen discussed in her own experience, her assault was not questioned, yet rumors persisted from those that were passing judgment or making assumptions vs. trusting her voice and allowing her to own her story. This resonates with me, as I experienced something quite similar, but from a very unexpected group—my family. I didn’t have the he said/she said or horrendous experience with the police. There was never a question of what happened; the doctors, nurses, and police were kind and supportive. My attacker was convicted and served time for his crime. The biggest challenge for me was dealing with the fact that society doesn’t understand how to deal with the

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches rapist we know. Most cultures still picture the stranger in the back alley,1 ski mask and weapon, waiting for a woman to unwittingly fall into his trap. Data2 demonstrates that isn’t the case and what we’re left with is a topic that is unwittingly left to whispers, assumptions, judgements, and bias. I didn’t visit home or keep as much contact with my family for many years and my family are good people. I had a good childhood, with wonderful parents, but I couldn’t find the words to explain to them everything that happened with a guy that they thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I also couldn’t bear the pictures with him included on the walls, in family albums, or his name popping up in casual conversation—it was immensely painful. I’m still anxious around my family, waiting for someone to obliviously bring up his name in a conversation or other unavoidable shock. For me, it was easier to just build my life with my children and future husband than it was to revisit the past. As Jen recognized and addressed,for women to speak up about an uncomfortable topic is challenging, and her bravery, her honesty, and compassion must not just be believed, but ACCEPTED. No judgements, no rumors or worse, impact to a woman’s career. The MeToo movement has finally verified what most women who have these open discussions already knew—the numbers of women who were attacked and assaulted or targets of abuse is far wider than we ever imagined because we are so often silent. It’s a catch-22 situation. Speak up about it, and it can impact your life, your relationships with those around you, and even your career. With the change to open up this topic, I have hope to change for the better on how generations to come will better deal with it all.

The Young and the Needless N.Z. As a woman in tech in her late 20s, you'd think that I might have experienced my share of gender bias. Surprisingly, that has never been the case for me personally. However, I often find myself having to prove my worth, since almost everyone I meet thinks I look very young to be responsible for initiatives that probably people at least 10 years older than me should be leading. Believe it or not, being a millennial woman in today's workplace, and also looking much younger than one actually is, can lead to some uncomfortable situations.

Scope Problem, RAINN, https://rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem. “80% of rape victims know their rapist,” RAINN, https://rainn.org/statistics/ perpetrators-sexual-violence.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias I graduated with a technical degree at 21, and right after I started my career in a multinational corporation. I've always loved to help out when challenging business problems crept up. Add to that mix a natural ability to connect with people of all org levels and functions in understanding the root cause of their concerns, I found myself being promoted into high exposure roles early on. In collaborating with experienced colleagues, I always followed a style of inclusion, respect, and empathy while being confident in my abilities. This approach helped me deal with this unique type of age bias. When I recently applied for a seat in the board of a technical user group, I was immediately told that even though I had many valuable ideas that would benefit the community, I was way too young and enthusiastic to be trusted with the future of the organization, and its finances. Meanwhile, I am one of the two people in a large Finance IT team responsible to manage a considerable multi-million-dollar budget. I must be honest, I did doubt myself, and I almost stepped down from pursuing that opportunity. What helped me proceed with confidence was the advice, and support of several of my mentors. When you’re young, it is important to assess your decisions by relying on a network of seasoned mentors that will not hesitate to speak truthfully based on their experience. It is up to you to then decide what is reasonable to pursue after evaluating all opinions. What NZ describes in her story is a form of bias, one based on age. We often hear ageism identified with those who are older, and I have witnessed it, especially in the very hip, young-obsessed, silicon valley, but I have mentored more than one individual who showed immense skill, ambition, and intelligence, yet came up against the bias that they were too young to be judged on their merits than their peers older than them. The second part of the author’s experience revolves around a bit of imposter syndrome (don’t so many of us experience this) and recognizing how difficult it is to view ourselves, our true capabilities when we may have those times of doubting ourselves. I experienced this myself, while young, feeling very homely, foolish, and stupid. It took me some time to realize that I needed to trust myself, to not put so much faith in other’s words and learning that the biggest way to overcome doubt was to try. “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” Getting up and succeeding, where others have given up is the difference between failure and success. I have no doubt that we will all see great things come from the preceding author—she has an incredible amount to give to the technical industry! We’re now getting into the stories submitted by women who requested to remain anonymous. The reasons to do so are as various as the experiences they’ve had. Some realize how important it is to discuss these challenges, but not to embarrass those involved or the companies they work for. Some wish they’d taken on the culprit directly, but feared for their jobs, the future of their careers, etc.

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches The first story from our anonymous writers surrounds the challenges of women being passed up for promotions, even when they’re the more qualified candidate. I don’t know how often I’ve heard that women were the “functional lead” or the “acting manager” but never the one to hold the official title. They were often quite satisfied with the unofficial role until a male candidate was brought in, often less skilled or experienced, yet awarded the role, the title, and the salary. If they asked why they weren’t considered or why they were passed over, there was often conflicting reasons given or they’re asked why they can’t just be satisfied with what they’d been given. The continual cost to women’s careers, salary, and loss in opportunity is evident. Anyone who lacks comprehension of these situations and ponders why a woman would accept the responsibility or not demand to be recognized for the role they are filling hasn’t realized the jeopardy many of them end up in if they do make demands. Many simply aren’t comfortable with women’s ambition, and negotiating is enough to cause some discomfort.

The Bro-Leader Anonymous During my time as a DBA, I experienced one job where I had a male colleague where systems operations team would listen to him even though I had more qualifications. My male colleague had little to no training in SQL Server, while I had been working with the platform for five years and had obtained my MCDBA certification. I was spending lot of time training this male colleague over the years I worked at the job. This particular company had a significantly high ratio of men, even for a male-dominated IT department. This company culture, even management, was primarily men, with not even one woman in IT management. I once had an incident where I was accused of uninstalling and installing an older version of a critical piece of software on an application server that I hadn’t even a log on to. Everything I experienced told me that the systems operation team had a chip on their shoulder toward my skills. When I would ask for hardware (memory, storage, etc.) for a SQL Server, they would assume it wasn’t necessary even when I provided statistics proving otherwise. On the other hand, if my male colleague made the same request, it would be granted. He didn’t have to provide anything to prove his case, nor did he require the technical data I had since they’d be quick to dismiss it. Despite informing my boss of the behavior, nothing was ever done to deter it from continuing. After 15 years of experience in my field of expertise, the most difficult and important projects that the director would assign to our team manager he would, in turn, assign to me. My male colleague was working on a flavor of DevOps, that outside of a project and almost out of our department.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias To capture and understand our value to the company, leadership had created a ranking system that the managers updated regularly. After my manager had departed the company, he shared with me that I was always ranked number one due to my ability to complete projects that were considered the most important in the timeframe and stay more focused on assigned projects. With my manager’s departure, the company was looking for his replacement and asked his recommendation from within his team, and he’d recommended both my male colleague and me for the position. Although I had significantly more experience with our main technical areas, the position was offered to my male colleague instead. I asked to meet with upper management, and when asked why I hadn’t been considered for the position, they stated that I wasn’t high profile enough in the company, as in they didn’t feel I communicated or worked with my peers enough. It was an odd statement considering how involved I was when on call or how dedicated I was when in the office. What created more conflict was the same management stated there was a concern that I was presenting and authoring in the outside community, making me too “high profile.” Although my male colleague was also presenting at community conferences, my outside volunteerism and work was deemed a threat to my day job. This led them to believe that I was a risk to depart the company. After this incident, among others, I determined that the overwhelming bias was impacting my ability to progress my career in the same way as my male peers and I departed for greener pastures. The preceding story resonated with me strongly. I’ve always been able to observe my peers, see what has worked to progress forward in one’s career, and tried to replicate it. I became heavily confounded by how different my experience was to my male peers when duplicating their efforts. I would go so far as to compare notes and experiences, with them as confused as I was when it came to the differences in how we were treated. Often, I would be punished for the same actions that they were rewarded for. It would be that drastically different and with only flimsy, vague explanations as to why I should be treated differently. It often starts with mixed signals, as the culprit is attempting to isolate what the reason for their discomfort over the woman’s accomplishments, but if it turned to hostility, that would often be a sign that it was time to look for a new opportunity elsewhere.

Biting My Tongue Anonymous If asked, I would describe myself as an introvert who wants to be the center of attention like all those extroverts but not brave enough to do something extravagant or outrageous to get the attention. I have stories that are interesting but are in depth and hard to get through without time and discussion,

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches just like the data and systems that I work with. I am undoubtedly the expert on the data, where it comes from, the transformations that occur and how it is ultimately stored. There is an older male contractor whose entire purpose seems to be to take my data, manipulate it, and create bar charts. They are horrendous charts. They don’t show anything but counts. He also performs “very complicated” processes to get these counts. This is a lie. I have reports that count exactly what he does, but his numbers are “better” than mine even though he is unable to explain how he came up with them, and I can give detailed documentation on my calculations and processes. He then claims that our numbers don’t match and runs around claiming my system is “wrong.” Hundreds of man hours and thousands of dollars have been spent showing that there is nothing wrong with my system. The problem is he doesn’t understand the business processes and therefore makes incorrect assumptions about the data. He also cannot explain the discrepancies between the counts and because he can’t explain the manipulations he has done, there is no way I can match his numbers. During meetings, he would constantly interrupt me and belittle me (I am no longer allowed to be in meetings with him, so he can’t do that now). Coworkers would come up to me afterward asking if he always treated me like that. Because of his influence in the upper management and my boss’ instructions to not engage with him, I had to bite my tongue. We pay this contractor a lot of taxpayer money to “create” charts that could be automated. Analysts spend hundreds of hours sharing their expertise with him so that he can create these charts that they could do better and more quickly. I am not sure what makes him so special that we can spend all this money and allow an external agent to have control over understanding of our data and how to present it, but I believe that I am starting to have an effect. More and more people within the organization are coming to me looking for guidance in forming the questions they are looking to answer and coming up with the data to answer them. As a Woman in Technology, I have had to deal with a male-dominated industry for 20 years. Add to that the male-dominated law enforcement industry that I am currently working in, it is difficult to overcome the obstacles that this bias presents but I will persist.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias

The Question Anonymous Here we were, at the morning stand up, and it was my turn to ask a question, like always, and have it ignored, like always. I’m told I need to speak up and demand to have an answer, but when I do, the guys just look at each other and smirk or point at the clock. They act like I should know all the answers to these questions, but it never fails. The next day, we’re sitting in the next stand up explaining who did something wrong because they assumed what they should be doing instead of asking the same questions that I did the day before. Its infuriating and I’m at a loss as to how to address it. On the advice of mentors, I stared to have a follow up e-mail after the stand up, documenting my questions and then documenting each day what went wrong the day before. No one seems to read them, but they should at least come in handy when the end user asks why the project failed. It’s always the same thing when we’re in our teams working, too. I see there’s something missing in the process, and the response is always very condescending to me. Like I’m just being foolish, but the percentage of time it comes to light that I was right is kind of mind boggling. They never hear me out or listen to my suggestions until it’s too late and I don’t feel like a valued member of any team.

Is This Thing On? Anonymous While I honestly LOVE being a DBA, I struggle constantly. When I speak up, I’m seen as aggressive. My male counterparts talk over me. I’ve been asked to hold my tongue by my direct supervisor. I feel like I have to fight twice as hard to be held to half the opinion of my male peers. I don’t have a degree, but I have a number of years experience in Oracle, SQL Server, and Ingres databases. I really enjoyed working with Oracle but then unexpectedly was asked to stop. I was kicking ass and taking names, doing 12c setups, installed OEM 13c, tuning and collaborating with my team, or so I thought. I was told that my senior lead male was complaining that he didn’t have enough work and was bored. In response, my manager asked me to stop working in Oracle altogether and then gave it solely to my lead to manage. Since then, I haven’t been allowed to touch it and was told to work with mostly SQL Server, and the other databases. These databases are viewed as “less technically demanding” by my lead. Recently, I started to work more deeply with MySQL and Community

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Chapter 7 | Stories from the Trenches Server. I was asked to train my senior lead on the MySQL environment, so he could act as my backup. I was immediately surprised, as we have no backup for our Oracle environments. Upon guidance, I’ve now learned that I’m not aggressive, but just being assertive. I began to ask my manager some direct questions about my concerns regarding the lack of cross-training in other platforms and agreed to training my lead on the MySQL environment if he was to allow me to back him up and work on the Oracle environment. Recognizing my value to the company was an important first step in me standing up and expecting a change in my company to improve my satisfaction with my career and offering more value to the company at the same time. Along with missing opportunities for promotion, I often hear from women about lost opportunities at top projects and technical training. There’s an odd bias that men need more technical challenges and mental stimulation than women on the job. There’s also data that demonstrated women leaving technology over other industries because they wanted more challenging work.3

The Misstep There was a time that I worked in healthcare and then moved over to IT after taking a yearlong training course focused on technology. I was a young, single parent of three at the time and quite naive to office politics and culture. So naive that I almost immediately broke an unwritten rule of not dating a coworker. There was a single dad a few offices away. Cute, quiet, and well liked. We shared the same circle of friends, or at least, new friends for me and old buddies for him. He had been working at my new employer for over 8 years. Our steamy office romance continued for about 9 months, attending many social functions together with our coworkers and friends. There was always an unspoken smugness about him, and he had a way of making me feel “not good enough” in the relationship which set off red flags considering we were professional peers. He would cut me off mid-sentence when speaking and embarrassing me by telling me to hush in front of others.

“Linkedin Business,” Allison Schnidman, November 2015, https://business. linkedin.com/talent-solutions/blog/trends-and-research/2015/ why-women-are-leaving-their-jobs-your-first-guess-is-wrong.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias One day, I noticed his pay stub was sitting out, and I caught a quick glimpse of it. He was only one level above me in our work structure, and although he had an 8-year head start over me, was making $25,000 more a year than I was. This was a large pay difference in the roles we held at that time. Eventually, the romance fizzled as boredom with his behavior and I grew tired of always feeling like he was “settling.” I can tell you that working in that office surrounded by his friends, who may have been my new work friends and who were all male, was intimidating and uncomfortable. He once advised me that perhaps I should just leave. I took responsibility for this situation since I was the one who chose to break the rules. This was the best job I had ever had up to that point in my life. This was my new IT career, and I was determined to turn the situation around and not let this all-boys club run me out of town. I kept my nose down and worked hard. I made new friends, and eventually, the old friends began to warm up to me again, and the ex and I were able to coexist in the same office, and our relationship returned to a comfortable professional one. Fast forward some 18 years later, we both moved on in our personal lives, we’re both still in the same office, and I was promoted to a position above him. The moral of the story is this—don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Even if you make a terrible mistake or do something that could be career-ending, try your best to be transparent and own up to the mistake or failure. Also, don’t let office politics steal your career from you. Rise above the fray. I can only imagine what the author above went through to get where she is now. It’s rarely easy to foresee the future when we have hopes in the present situation. As discussed in an earlier chapter, there is research that demonstrates how askew the power distribution can become when romance is the topic between a man and woman in the office. Although I’d known my husband for 8 years before we ever considered a romantic relationship, it was one of the most trying decisions of my life. I’d admired him professionally for the entire time I’d known him, but suddenly, our peers on the board we served together and the technical community we were part of would know that we were romantically involved. Tim’s behavior was exemplary. He was patient and respectful, knowing that I would be judged by both men and women in the community. As the previous author shared, it’s not just about if the relationship lasts for the long run, but what if it doesn’t? How does that impact your career and how others in your field perceive you? The author was persistent and knew that she could change her future to correct the mistake she felt she made in her past.

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Diversity Isn’t Just About Women As discussed, I wanted to demonstrate how similar and confusing bias can be for all diversity groups. I reached out to a couple friends who’ve been open about their challenges to me and asked them to contribute. The first story comes from Doug Gault. Doug and I have known each other for quite some time and worked together at Enkitec. I’m the proud mother to a gay son, and although Doug is my age, I couldn’t help but hope my son finds the same confidence and satisfaction in life that I see in Doug’s.

Silence is Golden Doug Gault I came out in 1987, though I knew long before that I was gay. Since then I've been very open with pretty much everyone I've interacted with, whether it be family, friends, or work colleagues. I moved to Dallas Texas in 1990 and had started working for one of the “Big 4” consulting firms. I was young and relished the chance to travel the country doing some cool things with cutting edge technology. Each Monday morning, employees would convene, no matter our background, to compare stories of our weekend. At the time, I thought it was amazing and wonderful that I had such an open and accepting group of work friends. I didn’t understand why my gay friends cautioned me to be careful. After 2 years as a recognized asset and contributor, I was called into my local branch manager’s office and told that I was being let go. This manager was quite conservative, and he stated the reason for my dismissal was, “Your choice of lifestyle does not coincide with the values of this company.” I was devastated and feared what I’d been warned about living an open and honest life wasn’t a possibility and it would be impactful to my career. This was a horrible realization that I refused to accept. I found a new position with a much smaller consulting company and discovered they valued their employees for their diverse personal traits as much as their hard skills. I was still wary about sharing too much of my personal life after my previous experience but over the years became close to many of those employed there. By 1994, I’d been on a consulting opportunity for several months and had lost my fear of separating my personal and work life. This local corporate property management company had a fairly open office design where I sat with the fulltime employees and there was little privacy.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias One afternoon I received a phone call from my consulting company’s office manager, someone I’d known significant amount of time, asking if I’d be attending the Christmas party and would I be bringing a guest. She assured me that I was welcome to bring my boyfriend and the call was quite short. Later that day, I was called into the client Director’s office, where I was informed that someone had overheard my phone call and come to him with concern. He cautioned me to keep my private life private, as well as advising me to take calls on my personal time. My old fears came back, concerned that I would be held accountable for what was [perceived] behavior that would put me or my contract company at risk. I imagined being walked out the door at any moment but instead heard nothing until the night of my own company’s Christmas party. I related the story to the owner of the company and the office manager. Neither had heard from the Director of the property management firm, and both said that if they had, they would have supported me without question. What struck me about the conversation that night was not what was said but how. They matter-of-factly made me understand that I should never have worried about such a thing and that they would have my back in any such confrontations in the future. That small yet extraordinarily meaningful gesture has stayed with me throughout my career. Having allies when times become difficult is important. It can make the difference between a situation becoming one of the reasons for dissatisfaction with our career and instead being a reason we’re dedicated to it. Allies build our trust in team members and our leadership. It creates loyalty to companies and strengthens the belief in a company vision when individuals feel they have the support and respect of those around them. I have always highly valued those in the community that are willing to stand up in an uncomfortable situation and support another as an ally. It requires significant internal strength and demonstrates character. When someone goes out of their way to be your ally, it’s a gesture not easily forgotten. Another wonderful person in my community is Randolph West. I remember how he welcomed me immediately to the Microsoft community, and his intelligence shines through when he converses with anyone in his presence. Part of his charm is his ability to make you feel immediately accepted, but as he stresses in his contribution, we all have times where we take ourselves by surprise.

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The Bias in All of Us Randolph West I’m white and present as male. About a decade ago, I worked on something I liked to refer to as the “Project from Hell” and eventually left the company. After a few months, I returned to visit a colleague, who introduced me to a black woman sitting in my previous desk. My immediate reaction was surprise, but that quickly turned to embarrassment. I'm supposed to be a paragon of equal rights, and for a fleeting moment I had a stereotypical reaction caused by implicit bias, that a black woman couldn’t be in the position I once held. To cover for my red face, I apologized out loud for my mistake. I'd like to apologize today for my initial reaction, too. I think self-examination is one of the most powerful skills we can possess. I’ve had to assess my own bias over the years as I realized that I couldn’t expect to be treated as an equal if I expected a man to pay on dates or didn’t take responsibilities that were expected of my male peers, such as lifting heavy equipment, etc. It’s not easy to hold ourselves to the accountability that we expect of the world, but it’s the first step to a more fair and just society that lives in it.

The Color of Technology Anonymous I know we joke about the reality of this, but presenting at technical events can be wrought with anxiety when you’re the only black person in the room. You know there’s a few people out in the audience that are already assuming you grew up in the ghetto and not that you’re from a middle-class family in the suburbs. You sometimes feel like you’re caught between two cultures, since if there is another black person in the room, they will undoubtedly come up to you and try to bond, even if you don’t have anything in common. Don’t get me wrong, I have my black friends, those few and far between, that also attend. We come up to each other, greet each other, and discuss how it’s not getting any better. We lament about all the women in technology events and how little anyone cares about people of color. The truth is, we are part of the world and the more we become part of tech, the better technology is. How many founders in Silicon Valley are immigrants? Pretty impressive numbers when you look at those from China, India and others, but a lot fewer blacks, like Charles Hudson, Tristan Walker, and Kimberly Bryant. We can count them on our hands, making the numbers in our favor of succeeding in tech based on representation downright dismal.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias The good news is, there are friends I know that are trying to change this. I have a friend who runs a great volunteer group in Atlanta, bringing tech to inner city kids. There are groups like Kimberly Bryant’s “Black Girls Code” and others that are introducing tech to the next generation of technology that might not have had the opportunity due to demographic, quality of life, or education resources. It gives me hope for the future I’m no longer searching for the one other black person in the room. I remember the first time this friend shared this story with me after I prodded him with my concerns over diversity being presented as women in technology and being sadly aware that was not the whole case that needed solving. I’d experienced him coming up to a black woman friend of mine, giving her a hug and after a fist bump, saying, “fellow black person.” I was alarmed by the truth of it all. As impressive as the women in technology initiative is in the Microsoft community, in the speaking circuit, I’d noticed that the number of people of color wasn’t significantly higher than that of the Oracle one and asked one of the few black men I’d become friends with about it. He confirmed what I’d observed and said there was considerable room for improvement. This is one of the hurdles that we need to overcome. How would changing education curriculum so that everyone learned technology on equal footing with core subjects (reading, writing and arithmetic) do for diversity in technology for people of color? Would increased representation, not only in tech, but in leadership, for people of color help impact the never-ending cycle of poverty that is experienced by greater percentage that should exist? Would it help to change the bias we see in how people of color are portrayed in the media and treated by law enforcement? How much could we change by just introducing technology to the masses instead of the privileged few? Could this change impact the dismal numbers of blacks and Latinas in technology? The preceding stories are just a few that I requested from the community. I could have reached out to a large group but chose to keep it to this group, as I felt it covered a diverse number of topics and included people that came from numerous backgrounds and countries, not just the United States. I’d like to publicly thank everyone who wrote a story for this chapter. I believe by experiencing this from many voices, more ears shall hear them.

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8 Closure and New Beginning With all that we’ve discussed in the previous chapters, early career, advancement, women in technology, and the stories of those women who’ve overcome challenges and how they’ve succeeded, there remains the question “Where do we go from here?”

A New Leaf About 6 months ago, I undertook a new challenge and a new area of technology, having started at Microsoft as a Data Platform Architect, focusing on Analytics and Artificial Intelligence. I chose to pull away from the current path that had put me into a hybrid technical evangelist/strategic advisor with the C-level back to a more deeply technical pursuit. There was this fascinating limbo I was caught in—developers and DBAs would consistently assume I was no longer truly technical, and for those in the C-level, I was deemed too technical. While many of senior management desired a high-level perspective with lots of buzzwords, they felt I had a more narrow niche of database technology and stressed little else. I felt strangely constrained, and even more so, I was bored. Although I’m more known for Oracle technology and gained significant success in the Oracle community, I’ve always been a multiplatform technologist and branched out to other technical platform conferences for speaking engagements. It really wasn’t any surprise; after all, the first database I managed was Microsoft SQL Server (both versions 6.5 and 7.0), closely followed by © Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9_8

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning my first Oracle and Sybase databases at my first database administration job. I had a knack for taking on challenging situations, so I was quick to take on numerous database platforms, operating systems and scripting languages. Those that were often the most challenging systems were those that didn’t give individuals time to get comfortable on multiple environments, but the one-off oddities, and I became the owner of these types, wherever I was employed (Figure 8-1).

Figure 8-1.  I have diversity in technology platform experience, not just in workplace

I also found that as I was willing to take on the lost causes and biggest challenges at companies, people were willing to support me when I needed help. I would exhaust my own resources and could reach out to others, and as thankful as they were when I would take on the environments no one else wanted, they would, in turn, go out of their way for me, too. In some cases, this matured into mentoring and sponsorship I received over the years. My skills and technical knowledge were secondary to the value provided by my initiative and persistence. No matter how often I’ve experienced bias (since we covered in earlier chapters that research has shown possess bias), I continually work to be honest and fair about the technical world we live in. As so many of the women I knew left the same career I loved and couldn’t imagine living without, in the beginning, it seemed a minor footnote as my career advanced. Although I humbly respect the luck, the determination, and the skill that helped me achieve what I have in my career, I simply didn’t identify with what I was going through as bias and thought it was my personal experience. For an extended

Crushing the IT Gender Bias period of time, I chalked it up to my own personality and my makeup, not identifying my gender as central to it. Only after years of research, matching my experiences to many other’s experiences and then studies performed in ever-increasing amounts by universities and researchers, I discovered how significant bias is and how much it has to do with the culture we’re raised in. The deepest impact often came from the bias surrounding women with ambition. How people reacted to their bias toward women with ambition often fell into three categories: • Those who perceived the bias and were supportive of change. • Those that were indifferent or oblivious to the bias, unsure if it exists. • The last group, who experience distinct discomfort around women that have ambition and are often adversarial. This last group often display clear insecurities and are more often workplace bullies, and their interactions with ambitious women may degrade to the point some point of intervention is required. I’ve mentored women who have peers who viewed these women’s ambition as a personal and professional attack on them—simply by acting and accomplishing the same achievements as their male peers. As we were consistently told until recently it was a topic to avoid discussing, many individuals in the supportive and indifferent groups had a difficult time understanding the impact this group of adversarial individuals had on retaining women in the industry. The women around me whispered about it among themselves but dared not to say anything out loud, in fear of being viewed as unworthy, uncool, or rejected by the community that was important to them and their career. When working in a male-dominated industry, it can also appear to be directed solely to men, since the percentage that it will be a male peer involved will be much higher. Although it isn’t so, the idea that it’s directed toward one gender can be easily misconstrued. I read a great quote from social media the other day: “When discussing toxic behavior, we often view it as an attack on men, when in fact, we need to think of toxicity like we do with frogs. There aren’t many toxic frogs, but the ones that do exist, are really toxic and are very dangerous without looking it.” I don’t know who had said it, and I can’t locate the original presenter, but it was a twist on an original quote focused on toxic masculinity. With this quote as a focus, it’s obvious that it’s up to all to be part of the solution. The first group we discussed must become allies of change. This group will not just be made up of the women in technology, but men, too. As discussed in

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning earlier chapters, we all benefit as inclusion becomes a more important part of companies, resulting in improved policies around diversity and inclusion. The second group of those that are indifferent or have trouble empathizing with the challenges will turn from sympathy or indifference to accepting the change in representation, which simply wasn’t impacting to them, no matter the outcome. We didn’t have their buy-in, but as I hopefully explained, they weren’t against it, either. The third group, the toxic group consisting of men and women who have bias against women in technology, will have two choices—either evolve or continue to feel an impact to their careers as they impact those around them and the business’ bottom line. Recent HR policies are beginning to demonstrate changes where this type of toxicity is no longer acceptable in the workplace. This was evident even in recent interactions I’ve experienced with those I mentor and sponsor. One woman in the Microsoft community, who we’ll call Jane had been employed with her current company for over a year, having been welcomed and guided by a male peer, who we’ll call John. Jane credited John with helping her onboard quickly and bringing her up to speed in her new role. She greatly appreciated John’s assistance, but after the first 6 months, it became clear that John viewed her more than a coworker, and Jane noticed a distinct change in his attitude toward her once she began dating a gentleman outside of work who is now her boyfriend. John was first simply aloof and avoided her, but then he became belligerent and then openly hostile, to the point of sabotaging her most recent project. She reached out to her management, hoping for guidance, but was told that she must be imagining it or that she had just bruised his ego and not to worry about it. When she reached out to me to confide in me what was happening, it wasn’t the first time I had heard or even experienced this myself. I’d been a single woman in technology and had to cautiously and strategically guide a male peer from having a personal interest in me. If the rejection was taken personally in the professional setting, it could escalate into an awkward situation for most managers to deal with (not counting how uncomfortable it is for the woman). As her mentor, I was able to advise her on how to positively address the situation in hopes it could be resolved. After her most recent technical review, it became apparent that he’d taken credit for her work, given credit to other people on her team, and that his sabotage of two projects had impacted her standing in her management’s eyes. I had already instructed her how to track and document what he was doing with a focus on resolution, not blame. As her manager wasn’t aware of how destructive the behavior was to her career and the company as a whole, I recommended she escalate to HR. As I’ve stated before, I recommend only going to HR if you have documentation and a clear goal of education over persecution. Many times, HR is restrained in how much help they can offer. Jane did a great job with HR, focusing on the loss in revenue and addition in

Crushing the IT Gender Bias resources/time required by his inappropriate behavior. The confrontations with HR were quite uncomfortable, but upon review, it was found that he had cost the company over $820K in lost revenue and HR made the decision to let him go for falsifying documents as part of processing and for harassment. During the meetings, Jane had let it slip that I was the one advising her on how to interact with John on how to resolve the situation. Post his termination, John proceeded to one of my blog sites, located a vulnerability, (he was a .Net Developer), and hacked the site, bringing both my blogs down for 4 days. Although I have multiple backups of my blogs, the hack was focused on the images on my sites (as I have a lot of screenshots for instructional support with interfaces), and it demonstrates that behavior like John’s, where someone feels their destructive is warranted, almost cost me 8 years of technical content. You begin to realize the brevity of situation. The pettiness of John’s behavior because the world didn’t grant or doesn’t react the way he wanted it to is often difficult for most to comprehend. Although John did a great job of hacking my blog site because I didn’t know enough about PHP versions, he didn’t know enough to hide his tracks effectively and lucky for me, my host provider is pursuing the matter. I will also stress again that these types of individuals are not divided along gender, as it’s not just men who mistreat women in the workplace. Women can be biased against other women just as easily as men can be biased against women. Although I may not approve of those that fall into the adversarial group, we’ve already discussed why bias occurs and know only firm boundaries and policies will eliminate the cost they incur in productivity, revenue, and turnover for the business and in careers. It’s also important to support those that are impacted by this destructive behavior by offering them a supportive ear and options for how to productively deal with it. I can’t tell you how often just talking with me about an impacting situation has helped the women I’ve mentored over the years. I still receive many contacts per week from women searching out support, mentoring, and sponsorship, and I try to always be there for each and every one of them. I also am aware that the numbers have declined this last year. I also know why the decline has occurred, and much of it goes into a proof of concept that is continually a work in progress in the community that I’m now part of.

It’s the Little Things I attended and spoke at my first regional Microsoft database event (SQL Saturday), back in Denver, 2012. As I entered the venue and looked around, I was dumbstruck by the ratio of women vs. men. I’d been speaking at Oracle events for 4 years previously, and I was accustomed to less than 10% women

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning at any event I presented at. As I began to take inventory, I was able to quickly assess that there were 40% women at the Microsoft event. I promptly asked the organizer in the speaker ready room,“Where’d you get all the women from?!?” I had just started to build Women in Technology, (WIT) for two Oracle user groups (Rocky Mountain Oracle User Group, RMOUG and Oracle Developer Tools User Group, ODTUG). I was learning on my own and was intrigued when two speakers, Jen and Sean McCown (aka MidnightDBA on Twitter), offered me some insight of how the Microsoft PASS (Professional Association of SQL Server) group had built out their WIT community. Their decision in the community to have men as allies from the beginning, that the women were part of the community as technical professionals first, women second, and to have honest discussions as a way to resolve challenges resonated with me. I gathered all the information I could from this meeting and took it back to put to action. Although I did receive some push back in my more traditional, Oracle community, it was also welcomed by just as many and saw significant success by duplicating their efforts on a smaller scale. I was aware and understood the Oracle community was, on average, a decade older than the members of the Microsoft one. I recognized, while the women in the Oracle community were still dressing up for events and conferences, the Microsoft community had chosen to dress down, often showing up in more casual attire, offering less suggestive clothing than a stricter dress code might. The Microsoft events were free to the community, and time was donated by the speakers and volunteers, granting it the opportunity to push the volunteerism avenue and demanding more inclusiveness. Where the honest conversation that PASS had from the beginning resulted in the adoption of a code of conduct for all PASS and became common place among other conference events, they also possessed an 800 harassment reporting number and diversity/inclusion sessions to promote education, something the Oracle community still lacks at a large majority of its events. As the PASS organization offers a very centralized management style for their regional user groups, they are more inclined to share and collaborate. They have a deeper, vested interest from the community, including when the community demands change. Nothing is perfect, but it’s a strong platform to drive change by its members. At any Microsoft event, I was more likely to be asked technical questions by fellow attendees, had technical conversations, and was more likely to be treated as a technologist. Where it was commonplace to be asked where my children were while I presented at an Oracle event, it rarely if ever happened at Microsoft ones. There was strong interaction on a technical level on social media, email, and at events, including open, less restrictive discussions on what changes would benefit the community. Men were often the ones to ask how the community and events could be more inclusive, and I noted that they were more likely to ask questions than to assume what would benefit diversity and inclusion.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Upon joining the community, peers reached out offering sponsorship and mentoring. This was something I experienced rarely in the Oracle community, and I recognized how valuable this was. Although there were more women, you’d think there would be more competition for that “quota spot” for a woman, yet I never experienced it. A percentage of the regional events strived for goals of 40% women speakers, and the representation helped drive acceptance for others to view women as technologists instead of oddities. There was less pressure on me to be “the voice” among the women (as there were so many of us speaking and contributing) and more opportunity to just contribute. Upon immersing myself in the Microsoft community, I was able to accomplish in less than a year what took me 7 years in the Oracle community. I became president of my local Microsoft SQL Server user group. I was speaking at the largest annual PASS conference, writing articles and books, and mentoring. I’d been nominated for my MVP and as expected gave it up once I became a Microsoft employee since the MVP program is a Microsoft customer recognition program. As my career in the last year has redirected to Microsoft technologies, I’m regularly asked if I’ll depart from the Oracle community. A few have stressed concern over this occurring, as they know there are so fewer women involved to begin with and as well as their frustration with a continued bias impacting older technologies from creating self-sustaining women in technology initiative. As time goes by, I’m still offered opportunities to contribute to the Oracle community and enjoy doing so whenever the opportunity arises, but it’s less likely than those for the Microsoft community. With my shift to analytics, DevOps, and the Microsoft Data Platform, there’s simply going to be less opportunities for me to contribute to Oracle events. The added challenge of the common hurdles that are rarer to occur in the Microsoft community decreases the opportunity to contribute to the Oracle community further. These “hurdles” consist of excessive scrutiny, being dissuaded from trying out for the same achievements as my male peers and even having some my content credited to peers. I discovered that these types of hurdles are significantly less in the presence of a strong and dedicated WIT initiative which has a dedicated buy-in from the community like I’ve experienced in the Microsoft one. It has resulted in me making a choice to focus more on the Microsoft side, not out of choice or displeasure with the Oracle community, but due to Microsoft’s success. It has resulted me accomplishing the same as my male peers, more often. I still love Oracle technology and have incredible friends within the community, but currently, the investment requires more time and effort that has little to do with being a technologist. As someone who was a significant part of both community and companies, I’m aware that Oracle possesses a

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning less mature diversity and inclusion initiative. I also have the opinion, that to embrace the cloud, as they approached cloud technology later than other vendors, they had no choice but to create a competitive, more “traditional” atmosphere that may be less attractive to women. Their conferences still result in too many awkward situations for women who attend, resulting in inappropriate behavior (which is often due to unlimited drinking, maleoriented after-events, and/or limited to non-existent code of conduct policies) and women choosing to decline from attending events. After discovering what it was like to attend conferences with far lesser inappropriate behavior, I found that my patience when it does happen is far less. During my last big Oracle event I experienced two uncomfortable situations, and my first thought was, “I’m in my fifties now, this shouldn’t be happening anymore!” My second thought was to applaud the male allies from the younger generation in the Oracle community that recognize it can’t continue and, in each instance, stood up to the offenders. As much as a woman can stand up for herself, when dealing with someone who’s already demonstrated they have less respect for women in a professional environment, we discover our male allies are far more successful educating these few, bad apples. As much as we hear about “brogrammer” experiences that women in technology have, I’ve discovered men from younger generations are more likely to be our allies. Much of this may be due to when women entered the workforce. Most men who are allies, had mothers who worked while they were growing up. This representation can make a huge difference for the coming generations as diversity and inclusion continue to ramp up—the one thing we can count on happening is change. This is what helps hold me to the Oracle community and where I see the silver lining. It can be harsh to ask older technologists to change their ways, but at the same time, how much have we asked women to change as they’ve come into technology to lend their expertise? Many in the younger generation are the answer to the challenges the Oracle community is experiencing. Oracle has made a huge investment into development and hackathons to embrace newer and younger technologists. There is incredible value to be gained by all. As the younger generation helps the older generation evolve from older bias, the younger generation of technologists get to benefit from the technical experience of the older generation. By broadening the older generation’s outlook and changing the bias, they may be a critical part of overcoming the problems I see in some communities. By lessening the bias of the older generation and mentoring/sponsoring younger technologists (as I feel bias against one minority has a tendency to feed bias toward another, creating a domino effect), a secondary goal of deterring ageism bias will be part of the overall goal.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias I fear ageism is becoming a larger bias issue in communities like Oracle, and I believe it is incredibly impacting to the overall quality of the technology. I recognize my own bias around ageism. In my experiences, if I’ve been cornered by someone who would demand I redact a technical statement they didn’t agree with or, even odder, demand I stop blogging, there’s over a 90% chance they’re male and my age or older. If a woman is questioning the validity of women in technology bias or questioning my decision/dress/choices, she’s most likely the same—50+ years old. Being anxious around technologists that are older than you, you realize that this may be a bias grown out of experience, but it doesn’t change the impact if you don’t keep it in check. Change is difficult, and our experiences can strongly influence the way we think and our expectations. As someone who prides themselves on everyone’s value in technology, you want everyone to be successful. A friend of mine, Niall Litchfield, once said, “Do no harm,” and I think this also goes for anyone who is in a competitive industry. Compete with yourself first, compete with others second, but whatever you do, do no harm to others.

Playing the Role vs. Woking the Role Events are not the only difference in how to gauge the success of an area of technology. I’d observed so many of my peers leave at a certain stage in their career—often in early management their careers would come to a standstill. Their male peers would continue to progress, but they would become stagnant. They often wouldn’t know who to emulate when so many of those in leadership roles were men (Figure 8-2).

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Percentage of Women in Roles at Leading Tech Companies Leadership

Technical

Amazon Apple Facebook Microsoft Google Twitter Intel

0

5

10

15

20

25

30

Figure 8-2.  Leadership vs. technical roles in the top technical companies in the US1

When I started at Microsoft, I was presented with numerous women who hold leadership roles in my own group. Kate Johnson, the CVP over all public and private sectors of business for Microsoft, who was gracious enough to connect with me on LinkedIn and even respond to my message to her, is one example of representation of women in leadership at the company I now work for. Another that we hear from regularly and I greatly admire is Toni Townes-Whitley, the President of the US Regulated Industries. She’s incredibly comfortable with what she brings to the table and when speaking to a large audience soon has them connected to her at an extraordinary level. There are others in leadership positions, such as Jenny Lay-Flurrie, Microsoft’s Chief Accessibility Officer, who you might not first consider, but have also impressed me since learning of them soon after joining. If you’re curious why Jenny is such an inspiration to me, she’s profoundly deaf and has been a pivotal force in Microsoft’s AI focused on inclusion for those with disabilities. These projects have included a plug-in for PowerPoint that automatically translates a presenter’s words into captions and can even translate them into different languages using automatic translation technology, also developed by Microsoft. This is just another example of how technology can be part of the solution toward diversity and inclusion, making it possible for everyone to become more involved in the world around us. “Women in Tech: The Numbers Don’t Add Up,” C|Net, May 2016, https://www.cnet. com/news/women-in-tech-the-numbers-dont-add-up/.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias I was also impressed to see that Microsoft’s board members are made up of 30% women, which isn’t as common as we might like it to be.2 President Microsoft’s CEO, Satya Nadella, spends significant time recognizing them in meetings, promotions, and in our groups. Microsoft, to help diverge from learned bias in hiring practices, have tied executive bonuses to diversity goals after data showed that there had been a decline in diversity in the company.3 To assist in making the company attractive to candidates, there is a clear and defined career management path and even a way to self-propel your career. At Oracle, I was incredibly proud of our co-CEO, Safra Katz, but there wasn’t a global vision that diversity was important. Occasionally you would overhear jokes made by peers that Mark Hurd was the real CEO and Safra Katz couldn’t have achieved the role on her own. No amount of comparison in capability or knowledge was going to clear the bias that was impacting her reputation inside the company, and although the view was carried by only a few, as we discussed earlier in the chapter, this type of toxicity can be deathly, and the silence that allowed those opinions to be heard made a deafening noise about impact of bias on leadership. Although working at Oracle, you became familiar with the lack of diversity in leadership, outside of a few common stereotypical expectations, there weren’t any numbers posted publicly that would confirm what was experienced or demonstrate a desire for change. Recently, a lawsuit4 was filed on salary inconsistencies due to gender bias filed by over 4000 employees at Oracle. Only time and the courts will decide the fate of this case, but it is, nevertheless, difficult when you read about a company you admire going through this type of experience. Many companies have experienced similar challenges in court, even my own company I currently work for. One way to help move the needle away from these types of challenges is to build transparency around everything you do when it comes to diversity and inclusion. Microsoft, like Google,Apple, and other tech giants, post about its diversity and their diversity initiatives and strive to stress the importance of it. The 2018 results already have articles from Forbes5 and other major media, discussing

Microsoft Board of Directors, https://news.microsoft.com/leadership/. “The Verge,” Nick Statt, November 2016, https://www.theverge.com/2016/11/ 18/13681738/microsoft-diversity-goals-executive-bonuses-women-in-tech. 4 “Oracle Underpaid Women and Minority Workers by $401 million, the Labor Department Says,” Business Insider, January 2019, https://www.businessinsider.com/labordepartment-oracle-shorted-women-minorities-by-400-million-2019-1. 5 “Microsoft Improves Representation of Women from Internship to Leadership,” Emma Hinchliffe, Forbes, November 2018, http://fortune.com/2018/11/14/microsoftimproves-representation-of-women-from-intern-classes-to-leadership/. 2 3

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning the increases and why they are important to the company. Considering the size of the company, making an impact in diversity is not a simple task. There were gains of just over 1% in each area, from interns to leadership, but when you recognize that interns are often the technologists of tomorrow, the new numbers, up over 2%, to 42.5% of 2018 interns, are promising. The biggest win was one of the biggest challenges and that’s with race diversity in technology (Figure 8-3). The report shows that there was a 33% increase in black and Latinx employees in the last 4 years. Although the numbers are still in the single digits for percentage of all employees, this is an increase they can be proud of and hopefully will continue in the years to come. Percentage in Technology by Race and Percentage in Technology Race White Asian Black Hispanic

7% 8% 20% 65%

Figure 8-3.  Diversity in technology in the United States6

Possessing this type of public information gives me hope and helps to solidify my understanding of how important diversity and inclusion initiatives are that create results vs. those that just check off a box. You must see real change in a company, even if it’s a small change. This change must show not just in women in technology gains but also in leadership representation. If you can’t see it, you may not agree that you can’t be it, but it definitely makes it more difficult to forge your own path without any idea of the path you’re on.

“Bureau of Labor and Statistics, Detailed Occupation Break Down by Race,” https:// www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat11.htm.

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Crushing the IT Gender Bias When I accomplished what I did in the Microsoft community, so quickly vs. what it took me in the Oracle one, it wasn’t about my experience, but as we discussed, it was often about sponsorship. While at any Microsoft event, I’m approached by 2–3 times as many people asking me if I would come speak at another event, contribute an article, or be part of a professional group’s social gathering. I’m regularly a witness to other women being asked if they would consider submitting abstracts to speak at conferences or to write on books or be part of a special event. The more sponsorship of others that I witness, the more I recognize that I, in turn, can be sponsored more, too. It is a “pay it forward” initiative with a focus on a united front—everyone is part of the “family,” and everyone should do her or his best to support one another. It’s difficult to imagine with everything that I’ve experienced and everyone I’ve mentored and sponsored that anything could dissuade me from continuing to build women in technology initiatives, but I’ve realized that there is a side effect of being part of a diverse and inclusive community. Two scenarios commonly exist in communities with Diversity and Inclusion initiatives: 1. Diversity and Inclusion is a hushed topic outside of empty initiatives and provides little results. 2. Successful Diversity and Inclusion with strong, successful results, offering solid change. In my experience, when a D&I initiative isn’t discussing the real problems, the participants rarely experience any change outside of the check boxes being marked. Women and diverse groups will continue to depart/transition, continuing a decline or simply stagnant numbers. There are rarely, if ever, women or anyone who isn’t a white male in leadership roles. As opportunities for advancement become available, the representation of what bias shows us should be in the role (often while male peers) will continue to fill the positions. It is rarely intentional, simply bias that leaves the women and people of color out of the candidate list. The cost to the team or company is as significant as we’ve already discussed. In my experience, the first D&I option will continue on, confused over why the numbers aren’t improving and often blaming topic complexity to why they aren’t experiencing the improvement they hoped. They wish for change, but culture and those around them that have convinced them the more vital topics aren’t worth investigating will persist. These teams will be less likely to possess satisfying work environments to diverse candidates, and product will suffer from less creative ideas and diverse thinking. The second type of diversity and inclusion initiative, benefiting from honest conversation and effective change, I observe to have increases in women and diversity involvement. Satisfaction in the workplace increases and is stressed

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning by those I converse with. The increase in satisfaction can be seen in surveys,7 along with a desire for more initiatives and improvement. As impressive as the overall improvement is, I recognize without continued dedication to diversity and inclusion initiatives, none of the technical communities appear to be at a point where their diversity and inclusion initiatives are self-sustaining. I am constantly performing a self-diagnosis to gauge how woke I am—how sensitive I am to the current state of diversity (women in technology, as I won’t pretend to be part of any other group of diversity). Being part of the second type, I recognize that I feel less in touch with the challenges of women in technology in those communities that have the first type of initiative. The peace and satisfaction I have calms the fire in one’s belly for change. As often as women apologize for reaching out to me for guidance, I am happy for it, as it stokes those fires and keeps me focused on the road ahead.

It Takes a Village As much as we ask women to do to succeed in technology, I have to again stress that we’re all part of the solution. Women can change and do and be everything, and it still won’t change the bias that is ever present in our society today. Along with all the changes and initiatives we ask from women, we also need to reach out and change how men interact with each other, not just women. It’s about the clear separation between physical and emotional relationships vs. professional ones. Karamo Brown, from TV’s Queer Eye, states, “The biggest threat to men is toxic male behavior that stops them from fully respecting themselves and others. It’s time that men start understanding we are stronger as humans when we support and respect each other. And that ‘gender norms’ or ‘idealized gender specific behavior’ is destructive to us all because it’s limiting. Men can and should be expressive, emotional, vulnerable, respectful, strong, and providers… as women are all those things as well.8” What Karamo is stating here is not only the importance that men evolve how they interact with each other but also to accept that women are and should be respectful, strong, and providers, along with the assumed quantities of expressive, emotional, and vulnerable. This can be achieved by understanding that men are all of these things, too.

“Diversity, Productivity and Job Satisfaction,” Team Interplay, http://teaminterplay. com/diversity.pdf 8 “This is How to Be a Good Man, According to a Few Good Men,” The Ladders, January 2019, https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/this-is-how-to-be-agood-man-according-to-a-few-good-men. 7

Crushing the IT Gender Bias Cory Booker is a well-known and outspoken senator from the state of New Jersey that has made numerous headlines about the importance of men as allies in the fight for equality. He said even if it isn’t popular or comfortable, it is important for me to stand up for women and to really listen to what they’re saying.9 I can honestly say the men that I’ve respected the most in the industry are those that have listened to me and grasped when there was value to the business at large. There wasn’t any “lip service” (a term I like to use when someone is just acknowledging that I’m talking but not really hearing anything that’s being said to them) from those I place in this category, and I recognize these individuals often with much stronger leadership skills because they did take the time to really listen. Recognizing the risk to career and at times, personal risk, by speaking up about bias in the workplace is important. It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been passed over for recognitions, board positions, and promotions because I agreed to speak up. Being a voice of change isn’t easy and if you’re the one that requires the change (as in you’re the target of the bias), it’s even more difficult. Allies in the workplace and the industry is incredibly powerful, and men can help build upon what women are hoping to accomplish in the industry and help solidify it. We all need to stop viewing it as gender bias and approach it as bias that is deterring the human race from achieving its potential. We use the symbol of yin and yang all the time, but do we really comprehend what it means? If we view as they did in Chinese philosophy, it’s described as contrary forces that are truly complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world. Does this not describe how most view men and women? No matter how different they may view each other, they are part of the same whole, interrelate to one another, and are at their best when the strengths of both are used toward human goals. When we decide that one half of the whole deserves less rights, less pay, and less support of what will make them the most productive toward the goal of the whole, it hurts everyone.

In Us We Trust That brings us to our next demographic, which are the women who have only experienced gender bias a few times, due to the industry they’re in or because they work with really “woke” individuals. I get it, I’m there right now at Microsoft. I feel the weight off my shoulders where I’m able to just BE ME. Just be the best me there is without this continual bias chipping away at what

“This is How to Be a Good Man, According to a Few Good Men,” The Ladders, January 2019, https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/this-is-how-to-be-agood-man-according-to-a-few-good-men.

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning I’m trying to accomplish each day. The thing is, if we’re accomplished, if we have power to make a change, we should lift while we rise. We women need to recognize just because another woman has chosen to live her life differently than us or to walk a different path, it’s not an expectation for us to do so. We should be supportive and happy for what she is bringing to the world, find out how we can support her, and then ask her to pay it forward to others. As I touched on the last paragraph, I recognize my satisfaction at Microsoft and its community and how it affects my drive for change. It’s not that I care less; on the contrary, I am very aware of my privileged position in a community that is driving for change and doing well at it. Change does require a level of drive, often driven by dissatisfaction, of being offended, insulted, degraded, and denied. What happens when a majority of us are satisfied with what we have? Do we forget about those that are part of the have not? This is where I perform a self-check and monitor not just my outlook but continue to reach out to those who have less diversity and inclusion. It builds the passion which can change the fight or flight response to one of continued sentry. Without that fight response, as well as surrounding myself with a community that had more mature women in technology initiative, it’s important to use this; there was more sponsorship and mentoring to go around. Other women and men allies picked up the proverbial sword, and it didn’t rely on me so often (and rarely required my time at all!). The numbers won’t change overall until representation becomes the norm across a majority of technical industries (Figure 8-4). This is not a demand, but just an observation. Just as we’ve seen in other fields, such as medical fields where women doctors are no longer a rarity, we must change how culture views technologists in our media, career recommendations for our next generation, and in public events. This is how bias is changed long term, making women and minorities an expected and significant part of the equation. This is when we stop saying and hearing, “We need to hire a woman for this position,” but that by hiring the best person, a woman is chosen as often as a man because there the chances of a man or a woman candidate are ever closing in on 50/50 odds10.

United States Department of Labor, 2018, https://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/NEWSTATS/ latest.htm#two. 10

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Gender Diversity in the Workplace Women

Men

100

80

60

40

20

0

Part-Time

Full-Time

Figure 8-4.  Percentage of men and women in the workplace, by employment status of parttime or full-time. Source: Department of Labor Statistics, 2018

When the day comes that we ask children to draw a computer technician or an engineer and a significant percentage draw a woman or a person of color, the change to bias isn’t complete. The next generation is our gauge to how successful we are in this battle for change. Our next generation and the percentage that decide technology is not just a great field of study for their future career, but one that they are satisfied to stay in, are all factors on how successful we’ve been in changing how technology is viewed by the world. Until that day, it’s important that we continue to question terms like “brogrammers” and why so many tech companies are now just collecting, rarely publishing their diversity numbers. We are engineers, and without data, the rest is only conjecture and opinion. It was important to me to become a part of a company that understood the importance of diversity and inclusion. When I joined Microsoft, I was aware of the significant changes that Microsoft, now lead by the amazing Satya Nadella, had placed a focus on. Upon my first day, I was introduced to a company that had interweaved diversity and inclusion into every aspect of the company’s vision. It was a sublime experience to have inclusive wording in all aspects of the company literature and training.

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning When I arrived for my official on-boarding at headquarters in Redmond, I was left in awe by the diversity of my peers. I say in welcome meetings, physically counting the women in the room and left dumbstruck by a company that the representation in the room was just the same as what I would expect to see in the city streets of Seattle. I was a woman who was accustomed to sitting in a room of techies and often being the only woman. I might find one or two minority in a room of 20–50 people, and here I was at the on-boarding with Microsoft, in a room of 300 people with only 30% visibly white. I was giddy with the diversity and inclusion, along with the potential this presented for my new company. Unlike the Silicon Valley companies, I’d departed, Microsoft’s leadership was more diverse, and I was presented with significant women in leadership roles. Kate Johnson, the President and CVP at Microsoft, is ever present and interacting with those around her. I was so impressed with her after first joining, that I reached out on LinkedIn and asked to connect. She quickly accepted and responded back how she was looking forward to my contributions and congratulated me on joining the company. I’ve seen comments on message boards and forums complaining that Microsoft is too diverse and that there is reverse bias against white males applying, but from what I’ve experienced, it may be summed up to how jarring it would be to feel the pressure of equal competition among a truly diverse group of candidates when previously one was privileged and had less to feel threatened by when one was the preferred candidate for a position. As a white woman, equality also means that those who had greater bias than I experienced also have more equality and I’ll attain the position if I’m the best candidate, less often because of bias. I know it will benefit us all in the end with increased quality of products, more well-rounded benefits and leadership that reflects the world at large. No matter what any negative comments on forums or other sites state, as stated in the 2018 diversity report, there was marginal change to diversity over this last year, and the numbers make it difficult to validate the reverse bias some have accused companies with diversity and inclusion initiatives of. Technology needs this change for the future of all kind. It can’t just serve “mankind”—literally and figuratively. Technology is part of almost all aspects of our daily lives, and with the advances in machine learning, IoT, and AI, it is starting to creep into our appliances, our automobiles, our personal devices, and even our clothing. It must represent all of us, not just a view of what we think technology is.

Crushing the IT Gender Bias The Boston Consulting Group (BCG) performed research involving over 1700 companies, focused on answering this one question—“Did diversity create greater revenue”?11 The research involved both developed and developing countries, collecting information on leadership diversity and how it impacted the company’s bottom line. BCG had already surmised that companies with greater diversity in their leadership would result in backgrounds of diverse experience which would result in a wider view of how to address challenges and an ability to adapt more efficiently. BCG spent significant time with the 1700 company’s employees, inspecting the perceptions of diversity in management across six “dimensions.” These dimensions included age, gender, industry background, education, and even if the employee came from a different country than where they were working. They discovered that many developing nations were embracing diversity more than developed ones and succeeding due to it. Innovation through diversity resulted in revenue of 19 points higher than companies with below-average leadership diversity. These numbers might not look that impressive on their own, but when you view the overall numbers of 45% of the total revenue was in this area vs. 26% for those who had lesser diversity initiatives, you can understand why companies are beginning to focus on diversity as a revenue increase opportunity.

The Diversity Gist What this all comes down to is why women stay and why they leave technology. It’s often not what we identify as the big things—like discrimination and sexual harassment. Those are easier to identify as impacting and wrong, so we have attempted to put in policies and laws to address them and move them out of the previously normal behaviors in society. It’s really about the little things—the offenses that cause the death by a thousand pin pricks of women in technology. It’s about women thinking it’s their choice in words why no one is answering their e-mails or collaborating with them. It’s about women focusing on the blame on their personality as the reason they didn’t get a promotion vs. their male peer with less experience and education. It’s about her boss justifying

“How Diverse Leadership Teams Boost Innovation,” by Rocío Lorenzo, Nicole Voigt, Miki Tsusaka, Matt Krentz, and Katie Abouzahr, January 2018. https://www.bcg.com/en-us/ publications/2018/how-diverse-leadership-teams-boost-innovation.aspx. 11

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Chapter 8 | Closure and New Beginning denying a raise to her because her male coworker has a family to care for, even though she may be a single parent. It’s about the mixed signals she receives in reviews that say she needs to speak up more in meetings and then accusing her of being aggressive and too blunt if she does. We have a ton of books telling women what to change, but we forget that the world is as much a part of the problem as it is a part of the solution. We forget that unless we discuss what the problem is, you can’t fix it. The rallying cry of Women in Technology isn’t “you are to blame” or “I am to blame,” but “we can change this.”

I Index A Abstract submissions, 117 Accidental technologist, 12 Active listening, 31 ARM computers, 121 Artificial intelligence (AI) experiment, 118 stack, 122 Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD), 16

C-level position becoming visible, 80 confidence, 81 fear, 81–82 focus, 81 network, 80 sponsors/mentors, 82–83 women in leadership positions, 84–85 Client Director’s office, 149 Collaboration killer, 28–29 Color of technology, 150–151

B

Communication men and women, 35 style, 25 upspeak, 36

Bitching/nagging, 119

Competitive environments, 65

Black Girls Code, 7, 151

Compliments, 25

Blog presenting, 112 starting, 112 submit abstracts, 112

Computer Science (CS), 3

Board members, 116

CS careers vs. the workforce demand, 126

Attraction vs. function, 114

Boston Consulting Group (BCG), 171

Conflict of interest, 35 Constructive feedback, 66

Cultural changes, 117

C

Cutting edge technology, 148

Challenges for women in technology, 120 ADD/ADHD, 16 collaboration killer, 28–29 lonely place, 20–22 navigating up, 29–30 overachiever non-lead, 18–20 perks department, 22–23

D Database administrators (DBA), 3, 33, 43 Data Platform Architect, 153 Direct communication, 49 Diversity, technical industry, 123–124

© Kellyn Pot’Vin-Gorman 2019 K. Pot’Vin-Gorman, Crushing the IT Gender Bias, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-4415-9

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Index Dress code clothing choices, 115–116 gender identifier, 118 men vs. women, 114

E Eleanor Roosevelt, saying, 120 Emotional vs. analytical, 26 Employers value incredible cost, 44 negotiation, 43 technical career advancement, 44 Empower, surefire ways, 123–124

F Failure vs. success, 120 Fast-paced career, 121 Female peers bias, 39 disappearance, 2–3 poor treatment, 39 Flavor of DevOps, 142 Flexible work schedules, 9, 23

G Girl next door, 17–18 Girls Develop it and Black Girls Code programs, 22 Greener pastures, 143

H Horrendous charts, 144 Human resources (HR) company policies, 59 obsessive behavior, 59

I, J Ingres databases, 145 Introvert tendencies, 109 Intuition, 25

L Level of disregard and invisibility, 135 LinkedIn tips, 111 Lonely place, 20–22

M Male centric technology, 124 Male-dominated industry, 120 Male-focused attractions, 117 Male peer vs. female peer, 33–34 Mansplaining definition, 54 insecurities, 55 interruption, 56 repeat offender, 56 Masculine communication styles, 51 MCDBA certification, 142 Mentors agreement, 96 communication, 90 different levels of success, 95–96 expectations, 90 family challenges, 88 finding, 95 gasoline and advice, 103–105 the happy/shiny people, 96–103 incredible, 90 lacking confidence, 89 making plan, 91 male, 88 natural, 89 1970s and early 1980s, 88 relationships, 90 and sponsorship (see Sponsorship) toxic masculinity, 88 women, 88, 91 MeToo movement, 59 Microsoft community, 149, 151 Microsoft Data Platform, 122 Microsoft SQL Server, 153

K

Mixed messages, women, 48–49

Kiddie table, 71–72 telecommuting, 74–75

MySQL environment, 146

Multinational corporation, 141

Index

N Negative feedback/pessimism, 67 Negotiation career future, 46 severance, 46 technology, 46

Personal benefits, 75–76 Personal demands, woman’s path, 69–70 cultural perception, 71 women’s education/careers, 71 Potential employer, 45

Nonverbal communication, 32

Professional Association of SQL Server (PASS) group, 158

O

Professional peers, 146

Professional partnership, 33

Online presence, 109

Project from Hell, 150

Only Woman in the Room (Czuprynski, Ruth) automated tools evaluation, 132–133 comradeship, 131 database technology, 135 election equipment manager, 133 frustrate, 130 health care conglomerate, 129 learn by observation, 129 management roles, 128, 134 offshored resources, 131 Oracle ACE Director, 134 project management process, 132 quality manager, 129 reinforce communications, 133 software tester, 130 upper level management, 132 veterinary medical company, 130

Property management firm, 149

Open technical positions vs. Computer Science graduates, 6 Opportunity, 46, 48 Oracle ACE Director, 137 Oracle and Microsoft databases, 121 Oracle Developer Tools User Group (ODTUG), 158 Oracle environment, 146

Public speaking, 112

Q Quality management skill, 130

R Raspberry Pi, 121 Realization of bias, 1–2 Red flag, 49–50 Rocky Mountain Oracle User Group (RMOUG), 158

S Salary mentoring salary negotiation, 42 women vs. men, 41 Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) education, 117 careers over time, 20 challenge, 10–12 Secondary education, 6 Self-examination, 150

P

Silence is Golden, 148–149

Parenting, bias affects, 118

Silicon Valley professional, 22

Patience, 120

Slack-jawed, 136

People in color, 4

Social gatherings, 60

Personal benefit career, 78 schooling, 78–79 supportive partner, 77

Socializing, 61 Social media rules, 110 usage (by gender), 110

175

176

Index Social safety net, 62–63 Software testing skills, 130

traditional roles, 36 younger generation, 38

Southern women, 40

Upspeak, 36

Sponsorship, 138 C-level, 92 complexities, 93 cultural bias, 93 LinkedIn, 93 Meetup, 94 and mentors, 94 nontraditional form, 94 opportunities, 94 Twitter, 93 women, 92, 93

W, X

Sports, 24 SQL server, 135 Steps and goals building path, 68 categories, 67 training budget, 67 work/life balance, 67 Stereotypes, 8

T Team-building exercise, 120 Technical careers, 116 Technical education, 6 Technical industry, diversity, 123–124 Titles acting lead, 54 opportunity, 53 Token female, 38–39 Token quota, 38 Trust myself, 26–27 Trust Yourself, 66 Turnover, 46

U, V Uncomfortable ambition historical data, 37 queen bees, 37

Women in technology (WIT), 14 ageism, issue, 161 BCG, 171 Being There(Stirrup, Jen), 138–140 blind spots, 136 brogrammer experiences, 160 brogrammers, 170 categories, 157 data platform architect, 153 diversity and inclusion, 164–166 diversity gist, 171–172 emotional relationships vs. professional ones, 166–167 Leadership vs. technical roles, 162–163 mentorship, 137 Microsoft community, 156–157, 159 Microsoft SQL Server, 153 mind boggling, 145 misstep, 146–147 Only Woman in the Room (Czuprynski, Ruth) (see Only Woman in the Room (Czuprynski, Ruth)) Oracle community, 159–160 panel, 51–52 PASS, 158 percentage of men and woman in workplace, 168–169 sexual/gender orientation, 127 social media, 137 stronger diversity, 128 Woman’s place, tech, 7, 9 conflicting appearances, 8 flexible work schedules, 9 stereotypes, 8 women peers, number of, 7 working 60–80 hours, 8 Women Mentors, 91 Women with ambition categories, 155 toxic behavior, 155

Index Work attire, 113 Work-life HARMONY vs. balance, 107 Workplace bullies, 43 frustration, 56 inappropriate behaviors, 57 interaction, 58

privilege, 56 women, 57

Y, Z Young and the needless, 140–142

177