Crises of Identifying : Negotiating and Mediating Race, Gender, and Disability Within Family and Schools [1 ed.] 9781623960933, 9781623960919

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Crises of Identifying Negotiating and Mediating Race, Gender, and Disability Within Family and Schools

A volume in Educational Leadership for Social Justice Jeffrey S. Brooks, Series Editor

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Crises of Identifying Negotiating and Mediating Race, Gender, and Disability Within Family and Schools

Dymaneke D. Mitchell National Louis University

INFORMATION AGE PUBLISHING, INC. Charlotte, NC • www.infoagepub.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Mitchell, Dymaneke D., author. Crises of identifying : negotiating and mediating race, gender, and disability within family and schools / Dymaneke D. Mitchell, National Louis University. pages cm. -- (Educational leadership for social justice) Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-1-62396-091-9 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-62396-092-6 (hardcover) -ISBN 978-1-62396-093-3 (ebook) 1. African Americans with disabilities--Education--Case studies. 2. African Americans with disabilities--Case studies. 3. African American children--Education--Case studies. 4. African American children--Case studies. 5. Women with disabilities--Education--United States--Case studies. 6. Women with disabilities--United States--Case studies. 7. African American women--Education--Case studies. I. Title. LC2787.M58 2012 371.90973--dc23                          2012041295

Copyright © 2013 Information Age Publishing Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Printed in the United States of America

Contents Series Editor’s Preface.................................................................... ix Preface............................................................................................ xi Acknowledgements.........................................................................xv

Part

I

Trying to Attain Essence

1

1 Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts.......................... 3 Introduction: Background................................................................ 3 Identification Development: Crises of Identifying.......................... 6 Personified Leadership...................................................................... 8 The Role of Familial and Educational Contexts: An Overview.... 10 Doing and Writing Disability Studies Research............................ 12 Research for Us With Us................................................................. 16 2 Universalism and Intersectionalities..............................................19 Introduction: Understanding Universalism and Essentialism..... 19 Essentialist Discourses and Their Impact on Identities and Contexts............................................................................. 21 Medicalization and Racialization of Disabled Bodies: An Overview.............................................................................. 24 Intersecting Identities: An Examination of Intersectionality....... 29 Intersecting Contexts: The Intersectionality of the Black Family and Schools............................................................................... 30

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Part

II

Intercontextuality

35

3 Are You a Trekkie?..........................................................................37 Introduction: Meeting King............................................................ 37 King: Crises of Identifying Within the Family............................... 37 King: Crises of Identifying Within Schools................................... 46 Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership....... 50 4 I Don’t Like to Be Pigeonholed......................................................53 Introduction: Meeting Black Her Story......................................... 53 Black Her Story: Crises of Identifying Within the Family............ 53 Black Her Story: Crises of Identifying Within Schools................. 60 Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership....... 63 5 My Mother Was Like My Bodyguard.............................................. 65 Introduction: Meeting José............................................................. 65 José: Crises of Identifying Within the Family................................ 66 José: Crises of Identifying Within Schools..................................... 70 Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership....... 74 6 I’m Not Crippled; I’m Handicapped..............................................77 Introduction: Meeting Kim............................................................. 77 Kim: Crises of Identifying Within the Family................................ 77 Kim: Crises of Identifying Within Schools.................................... 81 Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts of Leadership........ 85 7 I Don’t Want to Be Seen in Public With You...................................... 87 Introduction: Meeting Starbucks 311............................................. 87 Starbucks 311: Crises of Identifying Within the Family................ 87 Starbucks 311: Crises of Identifying Within Schools..................... 90 Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership....... 93

Contents    vii

Part

III

Significance of Research

95

8 Emerging Themes.......................................................................... 97 Introduction: Kindred Connections.............................................. 97 Theme 1: Performance.................................................................... 97 Theme 2: Identity Hierarchy......................................................... 102 Theme 3: The Contextuality of Self............................................. 107 9 Conclusions and Recommendations............................................. 113 Introduction: Restating the Purpose of the Research................ 113 Revisiting the Narratives............................................................... 113 Unpacking the Themes..................................................................117 Implications and Recommendations for the Field of Disability Studies..................................................................................... 120 Implications and Recommendations for Teacher Education Programs................................................................................. 122 Implications and Recommendations for the Field of Special Education................................................................................ 129 Conclusion: Significance of Research in a Nutshell.................... 132 References....................................................................................135

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Series Editor’s Preface by Jeffrey S. Brooks

I

am pleased to serve as series editor for this book series, Educational Leadership for Social Justice, with Information Age Publishing. The idea for this series grew out of the work of a group committed to leadership for scholars, associated with the American Educational Research Association’s (AERA) Leadership for Social Justice Special Interest Group (LSJ SIG). This group existed for many years before being officially affiliated with AERA, and has benefited greatly from the ongoing leadership, support, and counsel of Dr. Catherine Marshall (University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill). It is also important to acknowledge the contributions of the LSJ SIG’s first chair, Dr. Ernestine Enomoto (University of Hawaii at Manoa), whose wisdom, stewardship, and guidance helped ease a transition into AERA’s more formal organizational structures. This organizational change was at times difficult to reconcile with scholars who largely identified as non-traditional thinkers and push toward innovation rather than accept the status quo. As the second chair of the LSJ SIG, I appreciate all of Ernestine’s hard work and friendship. Moreover, I also thank Dr. Gaetane Jean-Marie, the third chair of the LSJ SIG for her visionary leadership, steadfast commitment to high standards and collaborative scholarship and friendship. I am particularly indebted to my colleagues on the LSJ SIG’s first Publications Committee, which I chaired from 2005 through 2007: Dr. Denise Crises of Identifying, pages ix–x Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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Armstrong, Brock University; Dr. Ira Bogotch, Florida Atlantic University; Dr. Sandra Harris, Lamar University; Dr. Whitney Sherman, Virginia Commonwealth University; and Dr. George Theoharis, Syracuse University. This committee was a joy to work with, and I am pleased we have found many more ways to collaborate—now as my fellow Series Editors of this book series—as we seek to provide publication opportunities for scholarship in the area of leadership for social justice. This book, Crises of Identifying: Negotiating and Mediating Race, Gender, and Disability Within Family and Schools by Dymaneke D. Mitchell, is the eighth in the series. The book breaks new ground by exploring the disproportionate representation of students of color in special education, and offers an in-depth exploration of intersections between race and disability. We are exited to help provide a forum for this important work in the ongoing conversation about equity and excellence in education, and the role(s) that leadership can assume in our rapidly changing world. Again, welcome to this eighth book in this Information Age Publishing series, Educational Leadership for Social Justice. You can learn more about the series at our web site: http://www.infoagepub.com/series/EducationalLeadership-for-Social-Justice. I invite you to contribute your own work on equity and influence to the series. We look forward to you joining the conversation. —Dr. Jeffrey S. Brooks Iowa State University

Preface

O

ne of the biggest challenges facing the educational field involves the overrepresentation of students of color in special education. Although there are several arguments concerning the reason for this occurrence (Chamberlain, 2005; Green, 2005; Gresham, 2005; Kozol, 1991; Spring, 2006; Zimmerman, 2004), they mainly center on issues concerning teachers and special education referral processes, including how social, cultural, and economic constructions of race, ambiguities and stereotypes involving disability, and inadequate teacher preparation and development influence referral processes. With the exception of the special education arena, most of the research and scholarship on the lives and experiences of African Americans with disabilities has been done outside of the field of education (Alston, Bell, & Feist-Price, 1996). Apparently, the overrepresentation of African Americans in special education is a result of, among other things, prevailing misconceptions about race and disability within as well as outside of the educational field, including the substantial lack of research and scholarship throughout the field of education concerning the educational experiences of Black children with disabilities. Nevertheless, there has been some increase in research and scholarship in a few educational arenas pertaining to the lives and experiences of people of color with disabilities, particularly of those who are African American (Chamberlain, 2005; Connor, 2006; Erevelles, 2000; Green, 2005; Gresham, 2005; Lott, 2001; Mitchell, 2006; Sinclair, Christenson, & Thurlow, 2005; Zang, 2005; Zimmerman, 2004). However, there is still a need to Crises of Identifying, pages xi–xiv Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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determine how interactions within and between students, teachers, administrators, families, and schools influence or are a consequence of crises associated with negotiating and mediating multiple identities or lack of preparation and training. So although the increase in research and scholarship in some educational arenas have provided insightful theories and practices for improving the educational experiences of African Americans with disabilities, there is still more work to be done.

Book Overview Although there has been an increase in literature regarding the lived educational experiences of African American, Latino, and Asian children with disabilities, it mainly focuses on children with intellectual disabilities (i.e., learning disability, Down syndrome, autism, dyslexia, etc.) in a public school setting. This book includes the lived familial and educational experiences in public, private, and institutional school settings, at various levels (i.e., elementary, secondary, and/or postsecondary), of five African American adults who have disabilities associated with deafness, blindness, cerebral palsy, and speech impairment. It provides insights into ways these adult African Americans construct and give meaning to their experiences of being Black, female/male, and disabled within their family and schools. More specifically, this book is based on research that involves an examination of ways that family and school perpetuate and reiterate social and cultural constructions, essentialist discourses as well as power and privilege dynamics regarding race, gender, and disability. With one of the biggest challenges facing special education being the overrepresentation of minorities and students of color, there is a need to determine how crises influence or are a result of intrapersonal and/or interpersonal relations among students, teachers, families, and schools. This book not only highlights how these five African Americans with disabilities negotiated and mediated their lived experiences within familial and educational contexts but it also focuses on how their remediation and renegotiation of their experiences within their family and different school contexts instigated crises of identifying that served as catalysts for leadership qualities they exhibited early, as young adults, and later, in their personal and professional lives.

Book Focus and Content By considering African Americans with disabilities and their negotiation of multiple identities concerning disability, race, and gender, as mediated

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by their families and schools, this book “contributes to the fields of special education and disability studies by capturing involved people’s perspectives and by adding to our understanding of discourses that shape social life in schools [and families] and society” (Brantlinger, Jimenez, Klingner, Pugach, & Richardson, 2005, p. 202). This book can also serve as a literary resource to academics and as an informational guide for parents, teachers, administrators, and paraprofessionals of children with disabilities regarding the significance of leadership, self-advocacy, and identification development on the lived experiences of children within familial and educational contexts including complex dynamics that exist within and between families and schools. Although this book focuses on the lived experiences of adult African Americans with disabilities, the complexities and contextual dynamics associated with crises of identifying take on many forms and include social and cultural constructs associated with various dimensions of identity; therefore, this book can beneficial to a variety of people with and without disabilities. It is hopeful that this book will provide parents, teachers, administrators, and caregivers with an understanding and comprehension of the complexities concerning disability, gender, and race within family and schools and including their association with crises of identifying, essentialist discourses, and power and privilege dynamics. In addition, this book could be an educational resource for pre-service and in-service teachers, administrators, and special educators that are interested in exploring and examining how their roles and practices within schools and interactions with children of color with disabilities influence their lived educational experiences including their educational achievement and their perception of themselves as intelligent, worthy, productive members of society. Teachers, special educators, and administrators’ engagement and interaction with these children will either reinforce or counteract what they are learning and understanding about themselves within their familial context (and other contexts) as children of color with disabilities. They need to understand how they and schools can be complicit in perpetuating and reifying negative perceptions of children of color with disabilities; this book could help them to begin to understand their complicity. Discussing, exploring, and examining their understandings of the affect of complicity will be especially beneficial for teacher candidates enrolled in special education, teacher preparation, and urban education courses and programs at the undergraduate level as well as students enrolled in disability studies, educational and instructional leadership, and curriculum and instruction courses and programs at the graduate and doctoral levels.

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Book Structure and Organization This book is organized into three parts. Part I includes Chapters 1 and 2. It provides the background, rationale, and theoretical and methodological underpinnings of the research this book is based on. Chapter 1 opens with an introductory section that provides an insight into issues regarding race, gender, and disability in relation to educational and familial contexts. The second section provides an explanation of the concept of crises of identifying. The third section offers a reconceptualization of leadership from a subjective standpoint. In the fourth section, an overview of the roles of family and schools in the social and cultural construction of its members is provided. The conceptual and methodological premises of this research study are provided in the fifth section of Chapter 1. The last section includes a discussion of whether research and scholarship about people with disabilities adequately represent them. The five sections in Chapter 2 explore and examine theories, research, and scholarship associated with universalism, the medicalization and racialization of disabled bodies, and intersectionality in relation to race, disability, and gender. Part II consists of Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. This part of the book introduces the reader to the narratives of five African Americans with disabilities. Each narrative provides insights into the lived experiences and leadership qualities of two males and three females that include their negotiation and mediation of these experiences within and between familial and educational contexts. All five chapters include narratives and reflections that are indicative of King, Black Her Story, José, Kim, and Starbucks 311’s lived experiences within familial and educational contexts of being an African Americans with a disability. It provides insights into their lived experiences and leadership qualities (as reflected in their narratives) for negotiating and mediating these contexts. Part III is made up of Chapters 8 and 9. It includes the concluding chapters of the book and highlights the significance of this research for the educational field. In Chapter 8, I examine three themes that emerged from the narratives of the participants. The five narratives are revisited in Chapter 9. It also unpacks the themes introduced in Chapter 8. The last four sections of Chapter 9 discuss implications and significance of this research for disability studies, teacher education programs, and special education.

Acknowledgements

I

am thankful for the many people who have helped make this book possible. I am grateful for the support and love of my parents, to my Uncle Kennedy for pushing me to exceed my own expectations, and to all of the friends and colleagues who have helped and encouraged me throughout this journey. I want to thank Drs. Natalie Adams, Nirmala Erevelles, Rodney Hopson, Kagendo Mutua, John Petrovic, Stephen Tomlinson, and Jerry Rosiek for providing me with wisdom, guidance, and opportunities throughout this journey that have challenged and strengthen me personally and professionally. I want to thank Drs. Noelle Arnold, Jeffrey Brooks, and Katherine McKnight for believing in this book. Last, but not least, I thank God for replenishing my spirit and nourishing my soul throughout this journey. He is the source of all of my blessings.

Crises of Identifying, page xv Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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Pa r t

I

Trying to Attain Essence

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ccording to Fuss (1989), “essentialism is most commonly understood as a belief in the real, true essence of things, the invariable and fixed properties which define the ‘whatness’ of a given entity” (p. xi). This understanding is particularly prevalent in relation to dimensions of identity. Growing up as an African American, deaf, female, I constantly struggled with attaining the essence of my identities. I vividly recall the frustration and dejection I felt as a result of my continuous failure to accurately epitomize what I perceive as the “true essence” of my identities. In other words, my understanding of what I should be was totally different from my perception of who I was in regards to my race, gender, and disability. What, or more appropriately, whose essence was I trying to attain? Was it the perseverance and strength of my mother, the exceptionality of my grandmother, or the extraordinariness of various African American women in my family? Or was it the disillusionment from teachers who accepted stereotypes and myths about my Black, disabled, female body?

It seemed that my pursuits of essence in one of these identities interfered with my mission to attain essence in the other identities. For instance, I naively accepted social and cultural constructions of my disability as deficient and abnormal, which simultaneously motivated as well as barred me from attaining what I believed to be my better, just-like-everybody-else, essential gendered self. Both my Blackness and my femaleness were jeopardized by conflicts and insecurities regarding feelings of deficiency and abCrises of Identifying, pages 1–2 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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normality about my disability. These pursuits became even more complex and contentious as I confronted negative or degrading social and cultural constructions associated with my race and gender. As I began to grow and develop personally and professionally, my critical examination and recollection of my experiences yielded disturbing but intriguing and empowering insights (Mitchell, 2006).

1 Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts

Introduction: Background Schools are spaces where student and teacher interactions, experiences, relationships, and multiple identities intersect. These intersections create challenges for educators that affect the way they educate “different” students. In particular, there are concerns within the educational field about the inclusive and exclusive nature of education and its effects on the teaching, learning, retention, and matriculation of certain students. According to Clough (1999), we have exclusive structures in our institutions because those same structures organize consciousness; little wonder that our schools and our curricula include some at the same defining moment as they exclude others, when the very process by which individual identity is formed is just such a selective and ultimately discriminatory affair. (p. 63)

Crises of Identifying, pages 3–18 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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Note that Clough relates the selectiveness of inclusive and exclusive practices in schools to the discriminatory processes through which certain identities are defined, perpetuated, and maintained by them as well. There are many challenges facing PreK–12 and postsecondary educators. Some pertain to theoretical and practical issues that they and their students face concerning race, gender, and/or disability as well as educational training, development, and/or preparation. In 2007, approximately 83% of PreK–12 teachers were White (National Center for Education Statistics, 2008a) whereas approximately 37% of the national public school population consisted of Black and Hispanic students, with Black students representing approximately 15% of the total (National Center for Education Statistics, 2009a). Black students who were ages 3 to 21 represented approximately 18% of students served under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) (National Center for Education Statistics, 2007). The 18% of Black students being diagnosed with “any disability” in 2007 was higher than the total Black student population at 15%. According to Artiles, it has been argued that because there is a higher rate of poverty in minority communities, it is not surprising that African Americans and Native Americans, for example, and in some regions of the country, Latinos and Latinas, are disproportionately placed in special education. It is further argued that minority student special education placement is understandable because students from these communities possess significant deficits due to their upbringing and so forth. (cited in Chamberlain, 2005, p. 110)

Scholarship and research regarding African Americans with disabilities often portray race and disability as additives or labels or as something to overcome or live with instead of as an aspect of who a person is or becomes (Charlton, 1998; Connor, 2006; Davis, 1997; Linton, 1998; Mitchell, 2006; Thomas, 1999; Torres, Howard-Hamilton, & Cooper, 2003). Considering the number of students of color who are being labeled and constructed as disabled in educational contexts, as well as the overrepresentation of these students in special education, this information is significant for gaining an understanding of the role of schools in constructing and reconstructing students’ identities and the implications of these constructions on their educational achievement. Postsecondary educational institutions frequently proclaim (often in their mission statements) their dedication and commitment to meeting the needs of diverse student populations, including students with disabilities. From 2007 to 2009, Blacks annually represented only approximately 1% of

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    5

students who enrolled in degree-granting institutions (National Center for Education Statistics, 2009d). Moreover, approximately 10% and 20% of the students who earned Bachelor’s and graduate (i.e., Master’s and Doctor’s) degrees, respectively, in 2009 were Black (National Center for Education Statistics, 2009c). Furthermore, approximately 13% of postsecondary undergraduate students who reported having a disability in 2007 were Black whereas 14% of postsecondary students who were Black refrained from reporting their disabilities (National Center for Education Statistics, 2008b). According to Torres et al. (2003), our [e.g., administrators, faculty, and staff] practice has not always been in sync with the changing populations on our college campuses. For us to hear and care, we need to challenge our presupposed ideas, biases, and prejudices about how we teach, practice, and interact with our students and colleagues. (p. iv)

However, despite this acknowledgment, the recruitment and transition of students with disabilities from secondary to postsecondary educational institutions continue to be at a minimum (Trainor, 2005; Zang, 2005); and their matriculation and retention at various levels in postsecondary educational institutions are still low (Green, 2005; Spring, 2006). Even with scholarship and research regarding the preparation, development, and implementation of culturally relevant teaching and classroom practices (Canestrari & Marlowe, 2004; Hehir, 2005; hooks, 1994; Woolfolk & Hoy, 2006; Parker, Deyhle, & Villenas, 1999; Shapiro, 1999; Spring, 2006; Tatum, 1997), children of color with and without disabilities are still being underserved in schools. In a study on African American student teachers’ perceptions on their preparedness to teach linguistically and diverse students, Kea, Trent, and Davis (2002) found that more participants believed they understood to the greatest extent the culture of students who were members of their racial group, had more interactions with this group, felt most prepared to teach this group, and knew more about the contributions of this group. No student teachers believed that they were “very much prepared” (highest possible rating) by their teacher education program (TEP) to teach any group including CLD [culturally and linguistically diverse] students with disabilities. They acknowledged a need for more content in the areas of human growth and development from a cross-cultural perspective, historical knowledge about various cultures, and accessing family and community resources. (p. 18)

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These findings illustrate not only that the curricula and courses of teacher education programs are failing to adequately train and prepare pre-service teachers with regards to race and disability but also that there is a demand to learn how to better understand students and their races and disabilities in relation to their family and community. This further highlights the failure of postsecondary educational institutions in meeting the needs of diverse students, with and without disabilities. Green (2005) reveals how “the effects of the overrepresentation of African American students in special education damage not only individual students, but families and communities as well” (p. 34). This revelation highlights a connection between students’ educational experiences and the family. It further emphasizes the need for more educational studies and research like Bennett’s (1988), which involved people of color with disabilities and the relationships between their educational and familial experiences. Even more so, bearing in mind that teachers in the United States are predominately White (Parkay, 2006; Spring, 2006), and that some of the small number of African American pre-service teachers only feel comfortably prepared to teach students from their own culture, it is no wonder that the overrepresentation of students of color with and without disabilities at the K–12 level is high, whereas their matriculation and retention at both K–12 and postsecondary levels is low (Howard, 1999; What the Numbers Say, 2005; Wortham, 2006).

Identification Development: Crises of Identifying Crises of identifying is a phrase I developed to conceptually represent not only apparent aspects of identity crises but also silenced aspects of identity development. The wording of this phrase is meant to capture complex and contentious feelings and experiences associated with identification development. Trying to mediate and negotiate and simultaneously resist and disclaim negative and exclusionary constructions and stereotypes of identities that have been socially, culturally, historically, and institutionally essentialized is daunting and downright exhausting. Whereas mediation involves reconciling oneself with the existence of these constructions and stereotypes in various contexts (i.e., space that is physical, relational, situational, and/or abstract/spiritual), negotiation includes collaborating within oneself on living with or through the challenges and barriers these constructions and stereotypes pose (Mediation, n.d.; Negotiate, n.d.). Subsequently, lived experiences of mediating and negotiating multiple identities instigate conflicts or crises that result from one’s attempts to identify or develop identification with each identity in relation to the others, particularly those

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    7

associated with disability, gender, and race. In short, identity development is not the only thing at stake; identification development needs to be taken into consideration as well. The ways in which processes of negotiation and mediation instigate crises that complicate and challenge one’s identification with certain identities are often neglected by researchers and scholars. It is common for scholars and researchers to assume that the development of a person’s identities also illustrates her identification with them (Alston et al., 1996; McLaughlin & Tierney, 1993; Pastrana, 2004; Puwar, 2004; Wortham, 2006). Having the identity of or being identified as African American, for example, does not provide insight into whether or how the person involved identifies with or develops an identification with being African American. Although the concept of crises of identifying is closely related to concepts associated with identity development, being categorized or labeled as being or having a certain identity versus claiming it, embracing it, and/or embodying it involve very different feelings and experiences. Lizzio, Dempster, and Neumann (2011) confirm that the extent to which a person identifies with a group or organization appears to moderate the level of their engagement and contribution. That is, feelings of care or engagement with a community are a necessary precondition for members to want to invest in it or contribute to its improvement. (p. 89)

It is at this point that the nuanced difference between crises of identities and crises of identifying become apparent. Theoretically, crises of identifying encompass integrated concepts associated with symbolic interactionism (Blumer, 1969; Charon, 1985; McClelland, 2000) and identity development (Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, 1989; Cross, 1995; Erikson, 1964; Marcia, 1966). According to McClelland (2000), for interactionists, humans are pragmatic actors who continually must adjust their behavior to the actions of other actors. We can adjust these actions only because we are able to interpret them, i.e., to denote them symbolically and treat the actions and those who perform them as symbolic objects . . . .The process is further aided by our ability to think about and to react to our own actions and even our selves as symbolic objects. (p. 1)

It is evident from this quote that concepts pertaining to symbolic interactionism attempt to account for meanings and (re)constructions that are produced through complex social interpersonal as well as intrapersonal experiences and interactions. Although interactionists do not associate symbolic interactionism with identification development, I argue that there

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is a direct connection between the two. Symbolic interactionism is not simply concerned with “what is happening between people but also what is happening within the individual . . . .We act according to the way we define the situation we are in,” whether it is positive or negative; “and while that definition may be influenced by others we interact with, it is also a result of our own definition” (Charon, 1985, p. 23). Thus, interactionists recognize individuals as active participants in the way they identify with or participate in various situations, even as they are being reconstructed and redefined by these situations. Yet, interactionists do not provide a critical analysis of dynamics that impact certain interactions or contexts, particularly those associated with power, privilege, and essentialist discourses. These dynamics or discourses represent institutionalized ways of thinking or resisting that form a social boundary that defines what can be said about specific experiences, interactions, contexts, identities, and so on (Discourse, n.d.). Theories and models concerning identity development have evolved from universally characterizing people to recognizing the roles social and cultural factors related to dimensions of gender, disability, race, class, and so forth, play in developing identities (Atkinson et al., 1989; Charlton, 1998; Cross, 1995; Erikson, 1964; Lee & Wicker, 2006; Puwar, 2004; Thomas, 1999; Torres et al., 2003; Weigert & Gecas, 2005). In the midst of this evolution, Marcia (1966) highlighted the impact of crises on identity development. Building on Erikson’s (1968) model of identity development, Marcia “explored the development of identity along two dimensions; (1) awareness of an identity crisis that must be explored and resolved, and (2) making a commitment to the identity after a period of exploring various ways of being” (as cited in Torres et al., 2003, p. 11). Marcia distinguished between identity as a means of grouping or categorizing people and identity as a means of being. This distinction acknowledges a difference between identity development and identification development by recognizing that processes through which a person “make[s] a commitment” to an identity are separate from processes through which a person develops an identity. It is the processes of negotiation and mediation through which a person forms and/or fails to form a commitment to her identities that characterize crises of identifying.

Personified Leadership Crises of identifying could also serve as catalysts that propel the renegotiation and remediation of lived experiences so that acts of negotiating and mediating really reflect complex, contentious, decisive, but continuous processes of living, being, becoming, and/or existing. As a result, I argue

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    9

for crisis of identifying as potential catalysts for leadership. My argument includes a reconceptualization of leadership as subjective and intercontextual—a personification of one’s strength and perseverance—rather than just an acquired skill, trait, or disposition that is only available to a talented few. Most research and scholarship in the educational leadership field tend to focus on leadership as qualities to be trained and nurtured in teachers and administrators for the benefit of others. More recently, there has been an increase in research and scholarship regarding socially just or socially inclusive leadership in educational contexts (i.e., Angus, 2006; Bockern, 2011; Brooks, Scribner, & Eferakorho, 2004; Howard, 2005; Muijs et al., 2010; Zembylas & Iasonos, 2010). This approach to leadership “sees schools as contested sites of social, political and cultural differences” (Zembylas & Iasonos, 2010, p. 165). However, although the idea of leadership has been broadened and redefined to be more inclusive and aware of social and cultural discourses and dynamics that are often perpetuated and reiterated in educational contexts, leadership is still mainly understood and judged in relation to its impact on others. Yet, this conceptualization of leadership is inherently exclusive because it situates leadership qualities externally and does not account for leadership qualities that are exhibited internally. For instance, Howard (2005) defines leadership as “the process of communication (verbal & non-verbal) that involves coaching, motivating/inspiring, directing/ guiding, and supporting/counseling others” (p. 385). Regardless of how it is defined or understood, I argue that leadership is basically the negotiation and mediation of challenges, conflicts, responsibilities, and discourses associated with various roles, identities, and contexts. It is a leadership that is defined by epistemological and ontological development and qualities. It would seem that one’s capacity to effectively negotiate and mediate his internal or personal challenges and conflicts is just as important as his ability to negotiate and mediate the challenges and conflicts of others and vice versa. According to Bockern (2011), a competent leader possesses both personal competence and social competence, which involve the management of one’s self-awareness and emotions and the management of relationships and others’ emotions, respectively. At this point, leadership becomes more than about leading others through challenges and conflicts; it is also about leading oneself through one’s own challenges and conflicts. Even research and scholarship regarding youth or student leadership tend to highlight civic engagement, academic achievement, athletic aptitude, and/or character and self-esteem development (i.e., Davidson, Schwartz, & Noam, 2008; Lizzio et al., 2011; Matsudaira & Jefferson, 2006; White, 2004). In other words, “there is an understanding of adolescent

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leadership as training activity or process driven” (White, 2004, p. 66). Nevertheless, both of the aforementioned conceptualizations of leadership excludes the vast majority of students (and teachers and administrators) who exhibit leadership simply through their epistemes and ontologies, which are reflected in their continuous (re)negotiation and (re)mediation highly complex, often contentious, and very challenging social and cultural constructions and discourses that inform and exist in various contexts within and outside of schools. Considering that suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year-olds and that boys die by suicide about four times as often girls (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2009), there is something to be said for people who not only survive adolescence, but who become social change agents, practitioners, and/or mentors.

The Role of Familial and Educational Contexts: An Overview The family plays a significant role in the development and construction of children’s identities. The familial includes individuals and situations of immediate and extended kinship that influence the way cultural identities are constituted and how one develops connections that are involved in informing, reconstructing, and redefining the negotiation and mediation of meanings and experiences. Particularly within the African American family, the “familial gaze” (Hirsch, 1999), or family’s social and cultural construction of its members, becomes discursively multilayered as well as multifaceted. Not only are African Americans with disabilities negotiating and mediating hegemonic discourses that prematurely make them visible and/or invisible, but they also have to filter, remediate, redefine, and reconstruct hegemonic discourses concerning their Blackness, manhood or womanhood, and disability that are prevalent in various contexts in order to negotiate and mediate their lived experiences of these identities, which include meanings about themselves as well as their experiences, within and between these various contexts. Alonzo et al. (2006) reveal that interacting with families who have children with disabilities can teach school leaders invaluable lessons, and the nature of such interaction plays a key role in the quality and depth of the learning that takes place . . . .The inclusion of disability narratives in school leadership training is, at the same time, a diversity issue and a social justice issue. As a diversity issue, the inclusion of disability narratives and experiences contributes to the meaning-making of leaders. As school leaders (present and future) interact with people with dis-

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    11 abilities, schema and pre-conceived notions about disability transform into understanding and action. (p. 135)

As constituents of prevalent social and cultural discourses, schools, including teachers and administrators, compound and further reconstruct and redefine students’ lives. This influence on students’ lives exacerbates conflicts that students are already dealing with, leading to feelings and experiences of visibility as well as invisibility. Mutua (2001) confirms that “the role of identifying and labeling children has positioned the school [particularly teachers] as a gatekeeping agency that dispenses identities of disability” (p. 291). Subsequently, students’ educational experiences are not neutral or apolitical. Not only do students have to deal with typical experiences associated with school, like peer pressure and academic achievement, but they also have to contend with how their school redefines and reauthorizes meanings about their existence. Considering the fact that most teachers are White and female and the increasingly browning of the student population (Parkay, 2006; Spring, 2006), there already exists a contentious and conspicuous disconnect between teachers and their students within educational contexts in regards to race and power and privilege dynamics that are exacerbated by crises of identifying (Howard, 1999; What the Numbers Say, 2005; Wortham, 2006). In addition, conflicts, tensions, and/or crises within educational contexts become more complex when they intersect with conflicts, tensions, and/or crises associated with familial and other social contexts. For instance, special education is not just a label or space where people with disabilities are placed. It is an experience that is constructed and informed by a label that identifies students with disabilities as other, both by the label itself and by their removal or exclusion from regular education. At this point, the spaces by which schools provide a social and cultural education deviate from (and often conflict with) the academic education they seek to provide. Puwar (2004) clarifies that even the most historically protected spaces can’t be contained. They remain dynamic and open to other possibilities. Space is not a fixed entity . . . .The homogenization of space is thus contradictory, as space carries properties which are simultaneously open to transformation, just as much as they are sedimented. (pp. 1–2)

Like space, identities and contexts are experienced fluidly and mutually, as well as discrepantly and contentiously.

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Although there is research regarding the significance of African American families in developing and constructing children’s identities (Freeman, 2005; Johnson, 2005; Muhammad, 2007; Zuniga, 2004), often its positive influence is not emphasized or acknowledged, especially in relation to schooling (Freeman, 2005). However, Freeman’s research reveals that cultural and environmental elements associated with the family, not academic success or achievement, mostly determined African American students’ college choices. Apparently, there are roles played by the extended family in addition to the school that are mediated by community culture. Therefore, two young African American students with similar abilities, familial, and school backgrounds can come to the college participation decision differently based on the community’s [or family’s] perception of the value-added nature of postsecondary education. (Freeman, 2005, p. 186)

Through research and scholarship like Freeman’s (2005), the significance of intersections involving family and schools and their impact on the educational experiences of students is obvious.

Doing and Writing Disability Studies Research Because scholarship and research associated with disability studies should be informed and constructed by the lived experiences of people with disabilities (Charlton, 1998; Thomas, 1999; Titchkosky, 2003), qualitative research provides an avenue through which these experiences are explored and examined. According to Creswell (1998), qualitative research is an inquiry process of understanding based on distinct methodological traditions of inquiry that explore a social or human problem. The researcher builds a complex, holistic picture, analyzes words, reports detailed views of informants, and conducts the study in a natural setting. (p. 15)

Rossman and Rallis (2003) extended the definition of qualitative to include “two unique features: (a) the researcher is the means through which the study is conducted, and (b) the purpose is to learn about some facet of the social world” (p. 5). It is apparent from the previous definitions that in qualitative research the researcher plays an integral role in determining how the research is conducted, what the purpose of the research is, who the participants are, and when and where the research is conducted.

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    13

However, because qualitative researchers take an active role in planning, developing, and implementing their research, conducting qualitative research becomes a subjective as well as contextual experience (Bullough & Gitlin, 1995; Lather & Smithies, 1997; Richardson, 1990; Rossman, & Rallis, 2003). In other words, the researchers are situated within their research, inasmuch as the research is situated by them. But doing qualitative research is not just limited to its plan, development, and implementation; it also includes the writing of research (Clifford & Marcus, 1986; Richardson, 1990; Wolcott, 2001). For instance, Richardson stated that we choose how we write, and the choices we make do make a difference to ourselves, to social science, and to the people we write about. . . . Writing is not simply a true representation of an objective reality, out there, waiting to be seen. Instead, through literary and rhetorical structures, writing creates a particular view of reality. (p. 9)

In other words, writing qualitative research repositions the researcher from the “natural setting” of doing research to a setting in which she or he writes. The researcher is just as instrumental in the planning, development, and implementation of the writing of the research as he or she is in doing it (Clifford & Marcus, 1986; Richardson, 1990; Wolcott, 2001). Within the context of special education, Mertens and McLaughlin (2004) revealed that “in special education, the subjects are unique with diversity across categories of disabilities, as well as within them. . . . Qualitative studies tend to provide more detail about the uniqueness of the students’ disabling conditions than do quantitative studies” (p. 98). This quote highlights how qualitative research allows researchers to access nuances concerning students’ with disabilities that otherwise would have been overlooked or ignored. In disability studies research, the experience of disability is mixed in with the experience of living with impairment effects . . . together with the consequences of living out lives which are simultaneously gendered, “raced,” sexed, aged, and so forth. ‘Lived experience’ is thus rich and multi-dimensional, where already complex features of impairment effects and disability meld together with other facets of our social identities. (Thomas, 1999, pp. 48–49)

So although, doing research in special education and disability studies research may play out differently, both disciplines are foregrounded by a position of analysis that signifies and legitimizes the lives and experiences of people with disabilities. In particular reference to the influence of qualitative research on knowledges and practices concerning special education,

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educators, families, caregivers, and paraprofessionals, Brantlinger, Jimenez, Klingner, Pugach, and Richardson (2005) revealed that descriptive information from qualitative studies leads to an understanding of individuals with disabilities, their families, and those who work with them. Qualitative studies explore attitudes, opinions, and beliefs of a number of parties involved in special education as well as the general public, and examine personal reactions to special education contexts and teaching strategies. Descriptions about settings conducive to productive learning outcomes or life circumstances also are of value. Qualitative designs can trace and document certain teaching and learning effects. They can explore the nature and extent to which a practice has a constructive impact on individuals with disabilities, their families, or on settings where they tend to work, reside, or be educated. (p. 196)

However, there are critiques of research associated with special education due to the manner in which practices and findings in this field are being “scientifically validated” or essentialized in a way that disregards the diversity of individuals, educators, families, and contexts, as well as the impact of power and privilege. Therefore, several scholars and researchers (Barnartt & Altman, 2001; Danforth, 1999, 2006; Lloyd, 2002; Mathiowetz, 2001; Odom et al., 2005) have emphasized the necessity of utilizing multiple research methodologies within the field of special education so that practices and findings, which include the lived experiences of people with disabilities, are not being essentialized or misinformed by a prevailing or a limited number of methodologies and/or scientific methods. According to Odom et al., special education research, because of its complexity, may be the hardest of the hardest-to-do science. One feature of special education research that makes it more complex is the variability of the participants. . . . A second dimension of complexity is the educational context. Special education extends beyond the traditional conceptualization of “schooling” for typical students. Certainly many students with disabilities attend general education classes. However, the continuum of special education contexts is broader than general education. . . . Complexity in special education has several implications for research. Researchers cannot just address a simple question about whether a practice in special education is effective; they must specify clearly for whom the practice is effective and in what context. (p. 139)

Subsequently, Danforth’s (2006) assertion that a “longstanding and often passionate search for a clear epistemological foundation for special education research is neither practical nor necessary to the ongoing development of knowledge and practice” (p. 337) is an accurate acknowledgment

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    15

of the complexity and the influence of essentialist discourses on practices and knowledges pertaining to special education. Each person in this research was situated as a case study or, more appropriately, as a case story. According to Gall, Borg, and Gall (1996), a case study research methodology encompassed an “in-depth study of instances of a phenomenon [e.g., persons, experiences, contexts, and discourses] in its natural context and from the perspective of the participants involved in the phenomenon” (p. 754). However, because this study involves various sites and includes the stories of several individuals, it is comprised of multiple case studies that instead characterize a collective case study research methodology (Brantlinger et al., 2005; Creswell, 1998). However, in order to capitalize on both mine and the participants’ experiences within a collective case study methodology, I referred to the autoethnography methodological framework. Autoethnography is one of the terms that have been used to characterize these processes of mediation and negotiation. According to Glesne (2005), the term autoethnography is used in a variety of ways: to describe narratives of a culture or ethnic group produced my members of that culture or ethnic group; to describe ethnographies of the “other,” but one where the writer interjects personal experience into the text as in the confessional tale; and, more akin to autobiography to investigate self within a social context, whether it be your own or that of another culture. (p. 199)

Like the collective case study research methodology, autoethnography is closely related to the Black feminism (Collins, 1998a, 1998b; hooks, 1991, 1994; Lorde, 1982; Moya, 2001; Puwar, 2004) and critical disability studies (Charlton, 1998; Davis, 1997; Erevelles, 2000, 2002; Garland-Thomson, 1997) conceptual frameworks in that it positions both the researcher and participants individually as well as intersectionally as outsider within (e.g., social and cultural) and outsider-within (e.g., contextual and situational). Occupying positions as a researcher as well as an African American with a disability situate me just as much as a participant in this research study. In short, I am both the analyzer and the source of analysis. Consequently, employing a qualitative research methodology that “contributes to the fields of special education and disability studies by capturing involved people’s perspectives and by adding to our understanding of discourses that shape social life in schools [and families] and society” (Brantlinger et al., 2005, p. 202) is necessary for this study. Considering that African Americans with disabilities and their negotiation of multiple identi-

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ties concerning disability, race, and gender, as mediated by their families and schools, is the focus of this research study, drawing from the autoethnography methodological framework in order to better utilize a collective case study research (Gall, et al., 1996) is appropriate. In other words, this is a case study research that is highly informed by and heavily incorporated with “autoethnographic sensibilities.” Furthermore, this interdisciplinary methodological framework involves a critical Black feminist/disability studies conceptual framework which allows for a qualitative analysis of crises of identifying in relation to the influence of essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics on negotiating and mediating intersectional identities and contexts.

Research for Us With Us In Pedagogies of Resistance: Women Educator Activists, 1880–1960, Crocco, Munro, and Weiler (1999) stated that what is of interest in looking at the history of education from a gendered perspective is the degree to which gaining an education and building a career in education served as leverage for some women to live their lives as agents of change—change for themselves as workers and citizens, for students and professionals in schools and universities, and for society at large. (p. 1)

This quote can also be expanded to include the significance of looking at the lived experiences of African Americans with disabilities and the degree to which their crises of identifying, within and between the familial and educational contexts, have influenced their personal and professional paths and enabled them to serve as agents of change. Scholarship and research concerning the politics of disability identity and disability culture have sharply increased in recent years. Like sexuality and age, the term disability has begun to take its place alongside the trinity of race, class, and gender in the lists of the most common modes of oppression in human communities (Charlton, 1998; Linton, 1998). This increasing social consciousness about the privileges associated with various human abilities is, without question, a salutary development. But it has also brought with it new analytical challenges inside and outside of the field of disability studies. The degree to which the term disability represents or fails to represent the experiences of certain people invokes just as much controversy and

Negotiating and Mediating Identities and Contexts    17

debate inside the field of disability studies as it does outside of it (Linton, 1998; Thomas, 1999). According to Bérubé (1998), ‘disability’ is the most labile and pliable of categories: it names thousands of human conditions and varieties of impairment, from the slight to the severe, from imperceptible physical incapacity to inexplicable developmental delay. It is a category whose constituency is contingency itself. Any of us who identify as ‘nondisabled’ must know that our self-designation is inevitably temporary, and that a car crash, a virus . . . could change our status in ways over which we have no control whatsoever. If it is obvious why most nondisabled people resist this line of thinking, it should be equally obvious why that resistance must somehow be overcome. (pp. vii–viii)

Overcoming this resistance is particularly necessary when it comes to the issues and concerns regarding research that has been conducted by people without disabilities on people with disabilities (Gabel, 2005; Mathiowetz, 2001; Parsons, Baum, Johnson, & Hendershot, 2001; Tregaskis & Goodley, 2005). Contrary to popular beliefs about the embodiment and empowerment associated with marginalized communities finding their voices, it is not enough to just find one’s voice or to give voice to certain experiences. There is an institutionalizing, standardizing, and normalizing process that determines and rationalizes how, when, or even whether a person’s voice is heard, listened to, and/or mainstreamed (Foucault, 1965, 1973; Goodley, 2004; Tregaskis & Goodley, 2005). This in turn influences both the content and context of representations of people with disabilities in research with regard to the degree to which they are understood as able to rationally or coherently give voice to their experiences. In regard to people with cognitive disabilities, Goodley (2004) reveals that a key concern in relation to disability studies is the nature of research production; in particular, how research can be developed in truly participatory ways to meaningfully include people with learning difficulties as coresearchers . . . .This sets up real challenges in terms of disability studies ensuring that research has a strong commitment to inclusion and equality in the research process. (p. 50)

Otherwise, real experiences of oppression and marginalization through deficit representations will continue to persist in scholarship and research that involve people with disabilities (Charlton, 1998; Mazumdar & Geis, 2001; Tregaskis & Goodley, 2005).

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I posit that the idea of voice is a metaphor of resistance drawn from the hearing world by which silences become a choice and not a consequence of the oppression and debilitating power dynamics of the dominant group. Instead of voice being a reflection of one’s thoughts and feelings, the expression of voice via speech is the focus. By positioning voice synonymously with speech or one’s ability to articulate a voice, the speech (and any obvious impairments), and not the voice, becomes an indicator of an individual’s rationality and personality (Charlton, 1998; Clear, 1999; Erevelles, 2002; Gabel, 2005; Garland-Thomson, 1997; Goodley, 2004; Linton, 1998). Unfortunately, most research involving people with disabilities is conducted on them instead of with them; their voices are not at the forefront of the research—the researcher’s analysis is. According to Gabel (2005), research agendas must be driven by the concerns defined by disabled people. It is assumed that when this is followed, disabled people’s problems of access and liberation are more likely to be solved; emancipation is possible because disabled people are the ones who best know the issues and problems and can best frame the questions that guide research and the analysis of data gathered through research. (p. 9)

After meeting and interacting with several African Americans with disabilities inside and outside of academia over the course of four years, I realized that I was not alone in experiencing crises of identifying. These interactions involved conversations about our challenges and experiences of being African Americans with disabilities. More particularly, challenges to healthy identification development and the paucity of research on people of color with disabilities by researchers who have disabilities became apparent in our conversations. These conversations included stories about crises we experienced regarding our race, disability, and gender within familial and educational contexts. It was these conversations and my own experiences that provided me with the background, rationale and participants for this research. And although the background of this research was based on a thin slice of the human experience, this study can be used to illuminate a broader spectrum of the human experience for the betterment of everyone. Chapter 2 examines research, scholarship, and theoretical underpinnings that informed this study.

2 Universalism and Intersectionalities

Introduction: Understanding Universalism and Essentialism The term universal stems from the concept of universalism, which, according to Delannoi (2004), is based on the premise that humanity is a whole consisting of similar and equal individuals. Essentialism, in the words of Fuss (1989), is typically defined in opposition to difference; the doctrine of essence is viewed as precisely that which seeks to deny or annul the very radicality of difference. The opposition is a helpful one in that it reminds us that a complex system of cultural, social, psychical, and historical differences, and not a set of pre-existent human essences, position and constitute the subject. (p. xii)

Therefore, concepts of universalism are closely associated with concepts of essentialism in that they both disregard various differences. “To some, essentialism is nothing more than the philosophical enforcer of a liberal humanist idealism which seeks to locate and to contain the subject within a fixed set of differences” (Fuss, 1989, p. xii). So, how does this relate to identity?

Crises of Identifying, pages 19–33 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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Fuss’s (1989) book, Essentially Speaking: Feminism, Nature, & Difference, has been widely circulated and cited for its presentation and discussion of essentialism. She basically attempted to address the “essentialist/antiessentialist debate,” particularly within feminism, by disrupting the “essentialist/constructivist binary.” In the initial paragraphs of the introduction to her book, Fuss (1989) revealed that “essentialism is most commonly understood as a belief in the real, true essence of things, the invariable and fixed properties which define the ‘whatness’ of a given entity” (p. xi). On the other hand, “constructionism, articulated in opposition to essentialism and concerned with its philosophical refutation, insists that essence is itself a historical construction” (Fuss, 1989, p. 2). Interestingly, Fuss disrupted this binary by exposing the codependency of these theoretical concepts. Apparently, because constructionism is established in opposition to essentialism, the idea of essence and opposing it then becomes the essence or essential function of constructionism. In addition, if essence supposedly represents “that which is most irreducible, unchanging, and therefore constitutive of a person or thing” (Fuss, 1989, p. xi), then essence itself is actually diverse, not universal. Because the essence or irreducibility of things differs from one to another, essence is no longer the truth of all things, but a contextual element of truth of some things. Now, back to the question I previously asked, how does this all relate to identity? In her book, Fuss presented chapters that offer arguments and debates concerning concepts of essence and how they constitute and are constituted by identities associated with gender, race, and sexuality within the classroom. Although, she extended her discussion of essentialism and its influence on the constructions of multiple identities, she has been criticized by scholars like hooks for referring to inadequate literature and being too neutral in her discussion of essentialism and its construction of gender, race, and sexuality. According to hooks (1994), Fuss does not address how systems of domination already at work in the academy and the classroom silence the voices of individuals from marginalized groups and give space only when on the basis of experience it is demanded. She does not suggest that the very discursive practices that allow for the assertion of the “authority of experience” have already been determined by a politics of race, sex, and class domination. Fuss does not aggressively suggest that dominant groups—men, White people, heterosexuals—perpetuate essentialism . . . .And when [marginalized] groups do employ essentialism as a way to dominate institutional settings, they are often imitating paradigms for asserting subjectivity that are part of the controlling apparatus in structures of domination. (p. 81)

Universalism and Intersectionalities    21

This quote is particularly relevant to how people of color with disabilities get reconstructed in classrooms, especially considering the overrepresentation of African American males in special education (Chamberlain, 2005; Erevelles, 2000; Green, 2005; Jordan, 2005). This is an indication of the influence of social and cultural constructions of disability within educational contexts that have become even more marginalizing and excluding with regard to race and gender. As a result, I refer to a variety of literature that is dedicated to issues of race, gender, and identity to inform my examination of the influence of essentialist discourses on conceptualizations of “the subject.”

Essentialist Discourses and Their Impact on Identities and Contexts One of the most profound ironies of social and institutionalized forms of oppression is that the most visible targets of oppression often have their inner and bodily experiences erased or ignored by that visibility. In other words, the visibility of difference makes people invisible as human beings and vice versa. References to visibility and invisibility encompass moments, situations, or contexts where essentialist discourses (which are associated with the unique essence of a group [or identity]; Delgado & Stefancic, 2001) reiterate and perpetuate discourses of normality, ableism, and privilege and power within and between people. In general, these discourses determine the way that certain identities are conceived, perceived, and received by dominant groups. Puwar (2004) reveals that . . . moments of invisibility and visibility are illustrative of . . . [the] concept of “outsider within” and “outsider-within” . . . the term outsider within to describe the location of people who no longer belong to any one group [or] . . . to describe individuals who found themselves in marginal locations between groups of varying power; [and] . . . the term outsider-within to describe social locations or border spaces occupied by groups of unequal power. Individuals gain or lose identities as “outsiders within” by their placement in these social locations. Outsider-within spaces are riddled with contradictions. (p. 5)

Another reason these discourses are problematic is that they colonize or marginalize people, include or exclude certain people, and support concepts of abnormality and normality as well as concepts of ableism and disablism that foreground universal naturalistic connotations of what it means to exist. As a result, people have experiences of negotiating and mediating

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multiple identities, which contribute to feelings of embodiment and disembodiment (Charlton, 1998; Puwar, 2004). According to Charlton (1998), the dominant cultures in the world produce images of normality and abnormality, of beauty and ugliness, or superiority and inferiority. These images are projected by their producers to influence opinions and preferences. The sick/deformed body is stuck at the intersection where science and image meet. (p. 62)

By focusing on African Americans with disabilities and their negotiation of multiple identities as mediated by their families and schools, this research particularly explores and examines their experiences of being outsider within and outsider-within in relation to multiple identities within familial and educational contexts. In particular, the concepts of outsider within and outsider-within allow for this research to be done with people with disabilities instead of on them. Charlton (1998) states that disability identification takes place as people begin to recognize their oppression. Oppression structures consciousness . . . .Whether a person relates to or identifies himself or herself with his or her oppression as a person with a disability, an African American, a woman, a man, a worker . . . , or a mixture of these, flows out of the individual experience with oppression. (p. 82)

This quote offers insight into how crises of identifying or a person’s identification with multiple identities is connected to his realization, in one sense or another, that his claim or disclaim and avowal or disavowal of his identities is influenced, among other things, by limitations and oppressions associated with essentialist discourses. People of color with disabilities have especially been institutionally affected by essentialist discourses, in particular relation to identities like race, gender, and disability (Bennett, 1988; Connor, 2006; Hehir, 2005; Lott, 2001). Research and scholarship often do not consider how these multiple identities significantly influence each other—so much so that it is difficult to really understand them in relation to one identity without having some insight into the others. Disability, race, and gender are not experienced separately in a vacuum. People of color with disabilities do not have the option of choosing one or the other(s); we have to be one and the other(s). Alston et al. (1996) point out that African Americans with disabilities are not able to choose and should not have to choose between identifying with members of their racial group and

Universalism and Intersectionalities    23 individuals who share their disability. These individuals have achieved an integrated identity that renders such a choice impossible. It can be suggested that race and disability are inseparable parts of their identity. For African Americans with disabilities, racial identity development does not occur in a vacuum. Any exploration of racial identity occurs in the context of the disability. Consequently, any information gathered about their identity as an African American is filtered through the “lens” of their disability. (p. 13) .

Whereas race, class, gender, and other dimensions of identity can be experienced and lived without including disability, the fact is, disability cannot be experienced and lived without including these other dimensions of identity. Being an African American with a disability particularly produces very convoluted experiences that are difficult and sometimes self or life altering. However, this particularity is by no means intended to represent or promote a universal or essential way of being an African American with a disability. It is only an acknowledgment of an African American with a disability’s intersectional experiences of being an outsider within as well as an outsider-within. Thomas (1999) clarifies that the term “Disability Studies” is used to refer to those academics, writers and researchers who, in studying the disability, explicitly align themselves with the social movement for the advancement of the social and political rights of disabled people. (p. 8)

However, the field of disability studies has been frequently accused of being “too lily white” and/or mostly inclusive and representative of visible disabilities, by prominent and up-and-coming culturally relevant disability studies scholars with and without disabilities (Bell, 2005; Drazen, 2006). With research and scholarship concerning the lived experiences of people of color absent from the field of disability studies, the international development of more disability studies programs and courses, and the influx of up-and-coming culturally relevant scholars and graduates in this field, there is a need for scholarship and research that constructs, develops, and promotes a disability identity and disability culture that is actually inclusive and embracive of various diversities. This need has led to a call for a second wave of disability studies research and scholarship that particularly engages disability within the broad context of social differences and multiple identities (Bell, 2005). Because there is a lack of literature directly associated with the identity development (let alone identification development) of African Americans with disabilities (Alston et al., 1996; Castle Works, 2003; Connor, 2006; Lott,

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2001) outside of medically oriented disciplines mainly associated with psychology and rehabilitation, the next section of this chapter offers a brief overview of the progression of identity development from universal concepts of development to racialized concepts of development to medicalized and racialized concepts of development. At one point, medicalized and racialized concepts of identity development intersect with universal medicalized concepts of the disabled body, which then inform the development of the racialized disabled body. This overview provides insight into how the racialized disabled body becomes essentialized through medicalized concepts of both identity development and disability.

Medicalization and Racialization of Disabled Bodies: An Overview There is a wide variety of literature concerning identity development (Alston et al., 1996; Lee & Wicker, 2006; Myrick, 2002; Torres et al., 2003; Weigert & Gecas, 2005). However most of this literature has been reconceptualized (Alston et al., 1996; Lee & Wicker, 2006; Torres et al., 2003). Up until the early 1960s, literature associated with identity development was derived mainly from research on White males. Erikson’s (1964) theories concerning identity development are usually mentioned or referred to at the onset when examining research and scholarship related to identity development. Erikson (1964) defined identity as “the ability to experience one’s self as something that has continuity and sameness, and to act accordingly” (p. 42). His concepts regarding identity and identity development have been universally applied to encompass both White women and people of color (Lee & Wicker, 2006; Weigert & Gecas, 2005). However, during the late 1960s and early 1970s, identity development models associated with racialized identities began to emerge. Atkinson, Morten, and Sue (1979) were instrumental in creating a minority identity development (MID) model that they believed spanned “the identity development issues of many groups of individuals” (cited in Torres et al., 2003, p. 34). This led to other reconceptualizations of traditional universal concepts of identity and identity development that included social and cultural constitutions of identities, especially those associated with race or ethnicity (Alston et al., 1996; Atkinson et al., 1979, 1989; Connor, 2006; Cross, 1995; Lee & Wicker, 2006; Torres et al., 2003). Psychologist William Cross was credited as being one of the leading pioneers in the construction of an identity development model for African Americans. “Black American psychologists became intensely interested in attempting to observe, map, and label the identity transformation that

Universalism and Intersectionalities    25

accompanied a person’s involvement in the Black power movement from 1968–1975” (Torres et al., 2003, p. 41). Nevertheless, it was clearly understood by them that “Black identity varies widely, and no uniform or unilateral of thoughts and orientations exist among African Americans” (Torres et al., 2003, p. 41). According to Alston et al. (1996), literature on racial identity began appearing in the early 1970s and concentrated almost exclusively in counseling psychology and psychotherapy journals. It was hoped that if practitioners could understand the process by which the Black client “becomes” Black, they would be more sensitive to the racial issues confronting the client in therapy. Numerous researchers explored and continue to explore this concept from several perspectives. (p. 12)

In other words, early identity development models involving racialized identities were utilized mostly by psychological scientific disciplines in order to better understand Black patients. This resulted in the medicalization of racial identity development models, which promoted and contributed to medicalized objective scholarship and research concerning the development (or inferior development) of African Americans (Foucault, 1977). Unfortunately, initial reconstructions of racial identity development models by psychological medical models and discourses contributed to scientific scholarship and research that universalized and reiterated race as inferior, something that needed to be civilized (Foucault, 1973, 1977). “Black bodies in professions that pertain to the universal, the general, and the truth are, unlike White bodies, perceived to be representatives of their race” (Puwar, 2004, p. 64). Although disability is defined and constructed in many ways, it has traditionally been defined and constructed by the medical model, or medical experts or scientists, who utilized medical terms and diagnoses that mainly portrayed people with disabilities as problems that needed to be fixed, hidden, and/or aborted (Charlton, 1998; Clear, 1999; Davis, 1997; Linton, 1998; Thomas, 1999; Titchkosky, 2003). The medical model is responsible for the essentialization of disability in at least two ways. One way it essentializes disability is by refusing to acknowledge differences between disabilities and their various influences on the lived experiences of the people with disabilities. Bérubé (1998) confirms that disability encompasses various human conditions and numerous impairments. Another way the medical model essentializes disability is by reconstructing the lived experiences of people with disabilities in relation to symptoms associated with having a disability. This disregards the diverse ontologies, voices, and epistemologies of people with disabilities. Titchkosky (2003) verifies how “everything disabled people say and do, from political action to putting on make-up,

26    Crises of Identifying

from writing books to dropping out of school, has been read as symptom. Under the hegemonic control of the medical model, disabled persons are deciphered not understood” (p. 162). Even Kirby (2004) asserts that the medical model normalizes species-typical functioning, which “tends to conceal the contingent nature of human functioning” (p. 231). In particular reference to the essentialization of disability, he reveals that “essentialism about disability is the view that categories of disability and ability refer to ‘natural human kinds’” (Kirby, 2004, p. 236). According to Thomas (1999), in the way it has been conceived, organized, and conducted, as well in the nature and use of results, traditional disability research in medicine, rehabilitation, psychology, sociology and social policy has been carried out by representatives of professional groups with little or no consultation with, or involvement of, disabled people themselves. The consequence of much of this research, it is argued, is not just to alienate disabled people but to positively reinforce disablism in society. (p. 152)

The Disability Rights Movement of the 1960s has been instrumental in exposing the ostracism, degradation, discrimination, and/or oppression prevalent in medical and social constructions of disability. In Nothing About Us Without Us: Disability Oppression and Employment, Charlton (1998) states that historically, disability has been considered a priori a medical condition and people with disabilities, sick. This has nothing to do with disease per se but with a medical category. If people with disabilities are first a category of medicine, then by definition we are intrinsically ill, with infirm bodies and minds. People with disabilities are often set apart and identified by their “bodies” and their appearance. The fusion of science [e.g., medicalization] and body [image] is a powerful constraint. (p. 56)

Whereas racial identity development models have been scientifically reconstructed to highlight the inferiority of the racialized body, disability has been constructed to highlight the abnormality of the disabled body (Charlton, 1998; Thomas, 1999). This visibility and then subsequent invisibility of racialized abnormal disabled bodies demonstrates how medical discourses have particularly contributed to crises of identifying or issues regarding identification development with identities associated with race and disability (Foucault, 1977). As the body of literature concerning African Americans with disabilities expanded from psychological and rehabilitative disciplines into family and child development disciplines and educational fields, it began to play a crucial role in not only informing familial and individual practices, but also in

Universalism and Intersectionalities    27

determining educational policies, curricula, and practices concerning their education (Carter, 2002; Myrick, 2002; Sinclair et al., 2005). For instance, in relation to family and child development practices, Trainor’s (2005) study on the effectiveness of the self-determining practices (e.g., setting goals, making choices, self-assessment) of diverse students with learning disabilities on their transition process from high school to college found that students identified themselves and family members—rather than teachers— as key players in transition planning. Students perceived that self-determination efforts were thwarted in school contexts, whereas self-determination opportunities in home contexts were more accessible and productive. (p. 233)

In addition, Zang’s (2005) study on parenting practices in facilitating selfdetermination efforts in students revealed a connection between “socioeconomic status and self-determination-related parenting practices” (p. 160). However, in regards to the schooling of students with disabilities, particularly those of color, Charlton (1998) revealed that Special Education, like so many other reforms won by the [Disability Rights Movement], has been transformed from a way to increase the probability that students with disabilities will get some kind of an education into a badge of inferiority and a rule-bound, bureaucratic process of separating and then warehousing millions of young people that the dominant culture has no need for. While this process is uneven, with a minority benefiting from true inclusionary practices, the overarching influences of race and class preclude any significant and meaningful equalization of educational opportunities. (p. 33)

Because most early medical scientific research and scholarship on African Americans with disabilities have focused on either their inferior racial bodies and/or abnormal, disabled bodies (Alston & Bell, 1996; Alston et al., 1996; Foucault, 1973), there is little current research and scholarship with them concerning their identity development, identification development, or lived experiences of navigating multiple identities (Caputo, 2005; Castle Works, 2003). For instance, Connor (2006) states, the problem of overrepresentation of students of color within special education classrooms persists, maintaining levels of segregation based on disability and/or race within widespread schooling practices. The voices of such students and how they understand their position in the education system are noticeably absent from traditional scholarship. (p. 154)

28    Crises of Identifying

Recognizing the underdevelopment of research and scholarship associated with the identification development of African Americans with their race and disability, Alston et al. (1996) attempt to examine and bring awareness to this neglect within as well as outside of psychological and rehabilitative disciplines. They indicate that attention needs to be given to not just examining students’ experiences in schools but also to helping them negotiate and mediate their struggles and challenges in educational setting by allowing them to find voice and/or give voice to these struggles and challenges. It at this point that validating, supporting, and maintaining students’ leadership in relation to their continuous negotiation and mediation of contentious and capricious epistemes and ontologies becomes significant. In their conclusion, Alston et al. (1996) suggest that studies are needed which attempt to define more clearly the strength of association between psychosocial adjustment to disability . . . and racial identity attitudes among African Americans . . . .In addition, investigations are recommended which measure African American clients’ perceptions of the relative influence between disability membership and minority membership on self-concept and psychological functioning. (p. 13)

Alston et al.’s (1996; Alston & Bell, 1996) suggestion confirms that this book and its research would be significant in contributing to literature concerning the lived of experiences of African American with disabilities. Even more so, unlike Alston et al.’s (1996), this research includes a study of both African American females and males with disabilities, which could provide insight into intersectionalities involving gender, disability, and race as well as the influences of gender dynamics on the identification development of African Americans with disabilities. Wendell (1996) recognizes that having a disability usually gives a person experiences of a world different from that of people without disabilities, and that being a woman with a disability usually gives a person different experiences from those of people who are not female and disabled, and these different experiences create the possibility of different perspectives which have epistemic advantages with respect to certain issues . . . collectively, we [women with disabilities] have accumulated a significant body knowledge . . . and [this] knowledge, which has been ignored and repressed in non-disabled culture, should be further developed and articulated. (p. 73)

Due to the impact of essentialist discourses on the construction of gender, race, and disability as well as the prevalence of power and privilege dynamics in contexts, people often experience these identities intersectionally but differently within various contexts whether in shifting hierarchies

Universalism and Intersectionalities    29

or in opposition to and in competition with each other, which exacerbate crises of identifying.

Intersecting Identities: An Examination of Intersectionality Traditionally the concept of intersectionality has been portrayed as a complex and complicated but seemingly engaging, almost peaceful intricate web of identities (Collins, 1998b). Gimenez and Vogel (2005) stated that the “intersectionality theory endorses identity politics but replaces the hegemonic White upper-middle-class notion of ‘woman’ with a set of equally essentializing identities, said to work together in complex combinations” (p. 8). This quote connects the essentialization of identities with the concept of intersectionality. But, if identities are solely constituted by essentialist discourses, then it would seem that their intersectionality, including when, why, and how they intersect, is limited to and constructed by their complicated and varied essences. Subsequently, there would be no need to negotiate multiple identities, identify with them, or for them to work together; their relationships and/or intersectionalities are already universally determined. Galvin (2003) acknowledges the complexity and tumultuousness of negotiating and mediating multiple identities including their intersectionalities when she states that to take the notion of the multiple minority group to its logical conclusion, consider the outcome of dividing off all of the groups within disability studies which are representative of multiple minorities. All that would remain would be White disabled males (or perhaps rich, White, disabled, heterosexual males). I suggest that, rather than this, we understand the disability rights movement and all other groups which coalesce around the recognition of shared oppression as inherently multiple and that we all always need to be conscious of our mixed heritage in privilege and subjugation. Only then will we be able to choose to live outside of these groupings. Otherwise, if I am fighting to retain one form of privilege while I am struggling to overcome another, how do I reconcile my belief that all forms of oppression are wrong? (p. 682)

Consequently, it is safe to assume that intersectionalities involve processes (e.g., series of actions, changes, and functions) of negotiation and mediation that are very contentious and sometimes violent with potentially life threatening or life-altering repercussions. For instance, an individual who, for whatever reason, mostly identifies with and embraces negative social and cultural constructions of her disability may become overwhelmed and potentially suicidal in order to escape painful, depressive, and oppressive feelings.

30    Crises of Identifying

I posit that there should be a differentiation between the intersectionality of identities and intersecting of identities. Traditionally, scholarship and research associated with concepts of intersectionality tend to portray identities as mutual, selfless cohabitates that are respectful and considerate of each other’s otherness. I argue for a concept of identities as intersecting that portrays them as they are often experienced within and between various contexts: as both similar and the different, as both loving and hateful, as both supportive and envious, as both considerate and possessive, as both visible and invisible, as both acceptable and unacceptable, and so on. By regarding identities as intersecting, whether through intersectionality or something more complex and raw, concepts associated with interactions within and between identities need to be broadened and explored to include their susceptibility to essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics within and between various contexts. It is in (re)negotiating and (re)mediating complex and contentious intersectionalities or intersecting identities within and between various contexts that crises of identifying arise. This is because intersectionalities involving identities associated with sexual orientation, disability, race, gender, and so on, also include processes of negotiation and mediation through which the intersectionality of one set of identities disrupts and challenges the contextuality of power and privilege dynamics and essentialist discourses concerning other intersecting identities. For instance, a person can experience and live within and between intersections of identities associated with race, sexual orientation, gender, and so forth without having to consider disability (Puwar, 2004), whereas a person with a disability experiences and lives within and between intersections of identities associated with race, sexual orientation, gender, and so forth without this option (Charlton, 1998). Nevertheless, it is within and between these contextual spaces that disability is reconstructed, redefined, renegotiated and remediated. Unfortunately, if crises pertaining to intersecting identities and their subsequent influence on processes of negotiation and mediation associated with identification development continue to be overlooked and silenced in research and scholarship, then current concepts concerning intersectionality inadvertently become another avenue through which identities and our understanding of them become universalized.

Intersecting Contexts: The Intersectionality of the Black Family and Schools Zucker (2004) linked people’s ability to disavow a disability to the degree of invisibility and/or visibility of that disability. This can be extended to argue that the degree to which people can disavow or avow a disability could im-

Universalism and Intersectionalities    31

pact the degree to which they identify with this identity. This book focuses not just on the invisibility or visibility of the disability but on the lived experiences and/or processes of negotiation and mediation through which one makes a decision to avow or disavow his or her disability (or any other dimension of identity). However, scholars and researchers tend to apply experiences of intersectionality only to identities. I argue that the intersectionality or, more appropriately, intersecting contexts are just as significant, particularly familial and educational contexts and the way they influence, perpetuate, and/or reiterate constructions of identities. In their article, Crisis in Context Theory: An Ecological Model, Myer and Moore (2006) discuss the crisis in context theory (CCT) concept and how it “does not diminish the importance of the individual but rather provides an ecological perspective that allows the appreciation of an individual in crisis” (p. 139). Even though the authors do not specifically refer to family and schools as potential contexts of crisis, their concept of CCT establishes and signifies the relationship between individuals in crisis and the impact of contexts on experiences involving crisis. Moreover, CCT reveals how contexts discursively influence when, how, and what crises an individual experiences. Myer and Moore (2006) explain that CCT is an attempt to address issues relevant to understanding the impact of crises, not a theory to predict the reactions of people or systems. We believe that CCT offers a comprehensive point of view by incorporating an ecological perspective as a basis for expanding and generating crisis interventions. These interventions should be comprehensive and contextual, not focusing solely on individuals. (p. 144)

The CCT concept recognizes that contexts are just as vital in understanding an individual in crisis. It implicates the influence of contexts on intrapersonal and interpersonal interactions and how they are experienced. However, Myer and Moore (2006) do not discuss how contexts vicariously and contentiously interact (or intersect) to influence people’s experiences. Nevertheless, I argue that familial and educational contexts can and do discursively operate concurrently in exacerbating the lives and experiences of people of color with and without disabilities, including their negotiation and mediation of crises of identifying. According to Collins (1998a), within paradigms of intersectionality, any specific social location where such systems [of oppression] meet or intersect generates a distinctive group history or experience. For example, Black family organization can be seen as shaped by the intersections of multiple systems of oppression as well as lo-

32    Crises of Identifying cations where such systems are reproduced. In this sense, Black family organization reflects multiple, synergistic and contradictory relations of how systems of oppression converge. This convergence constructs the distinctive social location which frames contemporary Black family organization. (p. 2)

In this quote Collins reveals how schools (as locations where systems of oppressions are reproduced) inconspicuously influence Black families. This may be why many Black families engage schools in distrustful and sometimes hostile ways. With the overrepresentation of African American and Latino males in special education and the role special educators play in constructing and disseminating disabled identities to children of color (Gresham, 2005; Lott, 2001; Mutua, 2001; Zang, 2005; Zimmerman, 2004), the relationship between familial and educational contexts is strained, contentious, and capricious. Although African American families have been particularly targeted for the positive role they play in their children’s academic and social lives (Bess, 2005; Caputo, 2005; Hourcade, Parette, & Huer, 1997; Ladner, 1998; McLoyd, Hill, & Dodge, 2005; Tatum, 1997; Wright, 1999; Zang, 2005), for some reason, the educational field often fails to acknowledge the significant influence of Black families on the educational experiences of Black children with and without disabilities. According to Freeman (2005), wrongly, African American families are often accused of not being involved or interested in the outcome or the educational process of their children. Whether it is participating in a Parent Teacher Association (PTA) meeting at the elementary and secondary level or assisting students in the transition to higher education institutions, African American parents are depicted as uncaring. In fact, a whole body of literature has sprung up to demonstrate the linkages between community and school, often targeting African American children as not being successful because their parents are not actively participating in the activities of the school. While no one doubt or question the importance to parental involvement in the schooling process, the findings regarding many African Americans’ participation are often skewed or distorted. (p. 11)

Although there are a few scholars and researchers like Ali, Fazil, Bywaters, Wallace, and Singh (2001) who examine implications of race/ethnicity and culture on people with disabilities, they acknowledge but do not explore how the family and schools complexly intersect to influence—in conjunction with multiple intersecting identities—the experiences of people of color with disabilities.

Universalism and Intersectionalities    33

However, Ali et al. (2001) do offer a critical examination of several literature and research studies concerning children with disabilities and the influence of culture and school on their experiences. They conclude that the studies reviewed strongly suggest that, although both Asian and Black and White disabled children face similar obstacles and have to contend with discrimination and disadvantage associated with their disability, the experience of disability is different for Black and Asian disabled children than for their White counterparts. Black and Asian disabled people also have to contend with individual racism and institutional racism, particularly in service provision of school and later in the working environment. (Ali et al., 2001, p. 965)

This quote confirms that children of color with disabilities are frequently faced with racist and discriminatory discourses and practices in educational contexts. It becomes apparent that people of color with disabilities have to contend not only with intersectionalities associated with their race, gender, disability and other identities within and between different contexts but also with contexts that are intersecting themselves as well as with constructions of race, gender, disability and other identities. Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 explore and examine the influence of this complex and contentious web of intersecting identities and contexts on the lived experiences (as reflected in their narratives) of five African Americans with disabilities.

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Pa r t

II

Intercontextuality

I

ntercontextuality is a term I created to represent the influence of power, privilege, and essentialist discourses on various intersections of multiple identities, including how they are experienced, within multiple contexts (i.e., space that is physical, relational, situational, and/or abstract/spiritual). It embraces the fluidity of social and cultural constructs, the complexity of intersectionality, and the discursiveness of contextualization. Although the research in this book focuses on lived experiences of disability in intersection to race and gender within familial and educational contexts, intercontextuality is a concept that encompasses the good, bad, and ugly of living, experiencing, and navigating life between and within many identities and various contexts. In a nutshell, it is both a collision and collusion of intersecting and contextualized epistemes, ontologies, and phenomenologies. Navigating my own lived experiences is like being on a roller coaster where the highs, lows, twists, turns, and loops sometimes propel me forward and sometimes take me backward. It is my belief that crises of identifying are one of many possible manifestations of intercontextuality. In Ludic Feminism and After: Postmodernism, Desire, and Labor in Late Capitalism, Ebert (1999) highlighted how “individuals are not self-contained and definite identities, possessing an irreducible quality, individual uniqueness, or certain, decidable meaning. Rather, they are traversed and divided by a ‘weave of differences,’ that is, by differences within” (p. 159). This quote emphasizes complex continuous processes through which people live, exCrises of Identifying, pages 35–36 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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36    Crises of Identifying

perience, develop, and identify with multiple identities. It is a conceptual representation of continuous processes of (re)negotiation, (re)mediation, and (re)identification. In order to highlight these continuous processes, this book provides “particularizability,” which involves thick or detailed descriptions of the narratives so that the readers can “determine the degree of transferability to their own situations” (Brantlinger et al., 2005, p. 201). In other words, Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 (along with Chapter 8) include extensive excerpts or quotes from the five narratives so that each person’s voice(s) and the contextuality of the excerpts are maintained; this will allow readers to better understand and connect with each person and his or her lived experiences (as reflected in the narratives).

3 Are You a Trekkie?

Introduction: Meeting King King is a married African American blind male. After receiving a doctorate in sociology, the father of three daughters has gained employment at a university located on the West Coast. I remember the first time I met King. It was in May of 2003 at the annual conference meeting of an organization that focuses on disability studies and the social, cultural, and institutional experiences of people with disabilities. During a lunch break at the conference, King and I ended up having lunch together at the same restaurant. I found his frankness and honesty both refreshing and familiar. We stayed in touch with each other from that day forward.

King: Crises of Identifying Within the Family King was born February 27, 1968. He was the younger of two boys. His brother is seven years older. At the beginning of his interview, I asked King to tell me a little about himself. He immediately started talking about issues regarding his race within the context of his family.

Crises of Identifying, pages 37–51 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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38    Crises of Identifying Okay, about myself. Don’t remember much before I was seven years old. When I was seven, we moved out to a place called Rialto. It’s in California. My dad was in the military; he got stationed there. I think we lived in base housing for a while. Finally, we got—my parents got a house in a neighborhood that—we were the second Black family on the block. But my dad was really big on, you know, at the dinner table, we all say the word right, in the right tense; and he knew the right tense; we would get corrected. So, our language patterns were better than the White people that we lived around, okay?

As a military brat, King moved around a couple of times when he was little (e.g., Camp Springs, Maryland). I suspect this was probably the reason why he did not remember much of his experiences before the age of seven. Around this age, his father was dispatched to Rialto, California where the family ended up staying for many years. Either way, it was apparent that being only one of two Black families in a mostly White neighborhood and his father’s emphasis on proper English created issues for him concerning his Blackness. At first, I wondered if speaking standard English was an indication of his father’s attempt to provide him and his brother with a mechanism that would allow them to pass to some degree amongst dominant society. Thinking about my own experiences of trying to pass, including the discursiveness associated with passing in the dominant society, I asked King if he had any thoughts about why his father emphasized that his family only spoke standard English in their household. The reason why my dad taught—wanted me to speak this way is because he knew that if I spoke this way, I would be able to compete at this level versus this level. I would be able to compete with the people who are at the level of speaking this language, of speaking properly, you know? Of speaking the quote, unquote, civilized White man’s talk, right? As opposed to being relegated to not having to do that, not being capable of doing that. So, to me—he was in the Air Force; he had to take shit from White people from all over the place. He had to do sit ups, ’cause the officers told him to. But he wasn’t going to let his English keep him from succeeding, okay? So, what he decided to do was he decided, hey, I’m so poor, from Annapolis, that I’ve got to put cardboard in my shoes ’cause I’ve got holes in them, ’cause I can’t afford them. I’ve got to wear sacks for clothes; this is how poor—this is where my dad came from. He was like, no. I’m going to learn to speak it this way, ’cause I think it’s going to give me an edge. And he did so; and it did give him an edge in the military. He wound up being, you know, the highest ranking noncommissioned officer, you know—a Chief Master Sergeant. There weren’t too many of them that were Black in this whole country, in the Air Force. Not even close.

Are You a Trekkie?    39

Eventually, King came to the conclusion that speaking proper (or speaking standard English) was a way for him to show respect for his father. It seemed that for his father, speaking proper was associated with class status or privilege. Often people, particularly people of color, were judged and discriminated against by the dominant society because their behavior, clothing, speech, or mannerisms lacked class or did not characterize a privilege class status. Speaking proper provided an illusion of being of or coming from a certain social class status, which afforded King some social and cultural capital that increased his chances of passing within and being accepted by dominant society. Another possible reason why King’s father emphasized that the family spoke proper English was because the military associated the way a person behaved or acted with his honor, dignity, and/or discipline. Then, if this was the case, not speaking proper English would convey a lack of discipline, honor, and/or dignity. Apparently, speech patterns become another means of marginalizing and discriminating against people with certain identities. I then asked King to tell me about some of his earliest memories of understanding himself as a Black person. These little White kids next door called me nigger. Mmm, hmm. We were— we were doing something, and they just called it. They called me that, and I didn’t know what it meant. So, I’m like, okay; huh? You know, I didn’t know what it meant. And so, I went home and I told my mom; and my mom says she went over to their house and talked to the mom. So, we go to the summer camp. It was at the summer camp that I really realized, okay, how come nobody’s going to play with me? You know, how come nobody wants to talk to me? Do I smell? You know, what’s going on here? How come nobody wants to be around me? So, I spent a lot of time sort of alone, you know? And, for years, you know, maybe ninth grade—seventh grade and eighth grade alone. Ninth grade— eighth grade summer, I grew a lot; and I got big, ’cause of football and all that. Big for a ninth grader, you know? And so, we went back, and then I had friends. I was a little popular for one summer. But before that, nobody knew me. I was invisible, you know? But by the time I got to be a junior, I was different, and I was a football player. I was, you know, when I was in elementary school, I was fat as a butterball. You know, Fat Boy, that was me. And I got teased all the time; and when I got into junior high school, I grew a little bit, baby fat fell off. . . . Well, in high school, you know, I started to grow a little bit more into my own, so I didn’t need anybody to be my friend. I just made friends.

40    Crises of Identifying And so, part of it reflected how I believed in myself as am I attractive? Am I, you know, am I one of those people who somebody would want? It went straight to the core of who I was. It was painful too, you know. Thinking you’re ugly, it was painful.

When King revealed that he felt invisible as a Black child, I totally understood what he was talking about. I too experienced the isolation of being in the presence of people but being overlooked by them. I remembered questioning my attractiveness (or unattractiveness) as a Black woman in relation to my speech impediments and hearing aids. King’s feelings of invisibility with regard to his race were exacerbated by feelings of awkwardness resulting from natural changes that were occurring with his body as a male. So, he was dealing with his insecurities of being not only a Black person but also being a big (and apparently) threatening Black male. Considering how Black males were targeted to participate in sports like basketball and football even to the detriment of their education, I was not surprised that once King demonstrated his usefulness as a football player that he was then befriended by more of his White peers. His productivity as a good football player provided him with a visibility that validated his value to his White peers. In order to understand the role of his family with regard to these experiences, I asked King if he had any conversations with his parents about what was happening to him at summer camp and the thoughts he was having of himself during that time. No, I didn’t tell them about summer camp. I didn’t tell them. They never knew. They still to this day don’t know. I don’t know why I didn’t tell them; I just never did. I felt like it was something that—I don’t know. I don’t even know why I still wanted to go and subject myself to that. You know, I continued to go.

I remembered wondering about his hesitancy in telling his parents or at least his older brother about what was happening with him. I suspected that the reason he did not tell them was because maybe he held onto a glimmer of hope that when he came back the next summer and the summer after that, the people at summer camp would treat him differently. Maybe subconsciously he felt that once they got to know him they would engage or interact with him. Considering King’s discussion about how his family, particularly his father, never really talked about race, he probably thought that his parents did not want to hear about what was happening at summer camp.

Are You a Trekkie?    41 Okay, no race at home, per se. No discussion, which I think is the greatest failure of our, the generation that raised us—greatest failure, huge failure, just massive failure, lack of historical relativism. Well, all of our stuff we had to learn through them, music, rap, soliloquies, and all of that stuff, ’cause you disgraced them. Roots [TV miniseries] was the closest thing that came to showing and telling the young what happened. And the fact that it was continually played over and over and over again, fought for, was an insult. So, family, no discussion of race at home, other than what we saw on TV, really. I think Dad’s vantage point was that people are people, regardless of their skin color, and you know, you just treat them nice and they’ll treat you nice. He was always nicer to everybody else than he was to us. He had a different standard placed on us.

I believe that his family refusal to discuss race was a result of his father’s military background. It was the military claim that it was color blind or that it was strictly a meritocracy. Either way, it was apparent that King had issues with the restrictions this placed on his family’s interactions with regards to race. But did these restrictions apply to his disability as well? King was also able to recall early memories in which his disability became an issue for him. So, I think the first time my vision even was an issue was when I was real little, we were running around out in the carport. This was kind of an overhead thing where you had poles coming down, just a top carport. And I hit one of the poles head on, face first, that I didn’t see. And it knocked half of my tooth, broke my tooth off, chipped it in half. I might have been five. It was well before we went, right before we got out to Rialto in Southern California. So, I probably was four or five. Then I got out to there, and when I was in the fifth grade, I was playing baseball, you know, T-ball and all that. And that’s when it first started to really matter, and I didn’t know it at the time, meaning that I would try to hit the ball off the tee, and it would take me 45 tries to hit the ball. And they would all be saying, Keep your eye on the ball! Keep your eye on the ball! And I’m like, I’m putting my eye on the ball, right? There were a couple of incidents that were, I think, really significant to me at the time, and even for a long time after that, that happened in baseball. One where I couldn’t find the ball; and one where I got hit with the ball. I think where I couldn’t find the ball was the worst. It wasn’t when I got hit, ’cause when I got hit, the sun was there, the ball was coming, and, you know, the sun blinded me and, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Whereas his earliest memories of his Blackness were associated with experiences of feeling invisible, King’s earliest memories of his disability involved experiences of visibility. When he was around 13 years of age, King was offi-

42    Crises of Identifying

cially diagnosed with a form of eye disease associated with Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP). Several spots were discovered on his retina by one of the doctors who visited his school to check students’ ears, noses, throats, and eyes. I remembered when doctors came to my schools to do the same thing. I dreaded these visits because I had worked hard to keep my deafness a secret from my peers and my teachers. I was afraid that they would expose me for the incompetent person that I felt I was at that time. My own disability was not discovered until I was three years old. And it was my preschool teacher who realized that my speech impediments were associated with my deafness. At first, I found it interesting that King’s parents or teachers did not realize earlier that he had vision problems, especially considering his experiences with the car shed and baseball. But then, I reminded myself that my parents did not recognize that I was deaf until a few years later. Like King’s parents, they assumed that I was not paying attention or was just daydreaming. I asked King if he recalled any struggles or thoughts he had when he was officially diagnosed as having an eye disease. I had struggles and conflicts, but nothing compared to when I got older. I mean, at that age, oh, I’m going blind. Whoop de doo, okay. It’s not, like, tangible, in sixth grade or seventh grade. It’s not really, really tangible. Even though you don’t see—I didn’t see any blind people in my Whiter society, all right, in person; so I don’t have some frame of reference.

My struggles and conflicts with being deaf also worsened as I got older. I suspected that this happened because children usually became more conscious about themselves in relation to their peers and family members as they get older. King’s family, particularly his mother, was active in seeking out information related to his disability. He talked about how she tried to fix it by taking him to several eye specialists. However, although he knew that his father was encouraging and supportive of him with a disability, King could not recall any specific moments when this occurred. But he did recall how he felt about having to use a prosthesis as a child in order to protect his eyes. Well, when I found out, my mom went around trying to figure things out, trying to figure out what was going on and whatnot. And at the time, they were—you remember seeing those really big goggles that you could fit over your glasses, like goggle—goggles that old people wear? They’re like UV protection type frames, 150 percent UV protection. You get to 100%, but these are 150%, right?

Are You a Trekkie?    43 And she had me take those and put them on at school. I’m in elementary school. I’m already fat, so I’m already getting called Fat Boy, so my selfesteem was already destroyed because I’m called Fat Boy. So, when the diagnosis came, they said UV light makes your eyes go faster, you go blind faster, so I had to wear these big, honking glasses. So, I got teased terribly, every single day. I wouldn’t wear them.

I definitely related to King’s resistance to the visibility that using a prosthesis instigated. I used to refuse to wear my hearing-aids outside of the presence of my family; and even with them I did not wear them regularly. Considering all of the interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts and tensions that were already happening with us and our peers, it should not be surprising that we resisted wearing something that we felt exacerbated them. Mediating and negotiating conflicts and tensions as well as alternating between the visibility and invisibility within our experiences were confusing, frustrating, and exhausting. It was moments like these where I felt overwhelmed by my identities. When I experienced crises of identifying during my adolescent and young adult years, I tended to ignore or avoid (when possible) and precariously negotiate and mediate (when not possible) the thing I was in crisis over, whether it was an identity and/or a context. However, King discursively embraced invisibility as a person with a disability to the extent that he could use it to pass. For somebody whose disability is more severe or whose disability is more visible, to such an extent that it affects how people can perceive—I can still pass today. Other people can’t, so I think that maybe their disability would affect, would be more of a nature, affect their identity more. The way it affects mine, I think, is probably a little more hidden, even though when you really get down to it, it’s all over the place. It’s hidden in terms of visually observing something, but it’s not hidden in terms of my attitudes towards it or towards anything else, you know?

In addition, King illustrated how privilege and power dynamics operated in rendering certain disabilities visible and others invisible. In particular, he showed how having a disability that was socially and culturally constructed as invisible influenced the way he perceived and engaged his disability. I wondered how different our experience with and perception of our disability would be if it was more visible. Although neither one of us acted elitist as a result of our invisibility as disabled people, we recognized that we were socially and culturally privileged as a result of this invisibility, whereas

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people who had disabilities that were obvious or visible were not as socially and culturally privileged. This led me to inquire about King’s gender, because he often spoke of it in conjunction with his race as the most visible dimensions of his identity. Considering how subtle his father’s influence was regarding his race and disability, I wanted to know who or what King referred to when it came to his gender. Of all of the images that I could have latched on to that were out there of what it meant to be a Black man, the image that I latched on to was the . . . Are you a Trekkie? Do you know what a Trekkie is? Somebody who watches Star Trek would know. I never thought about the—what I decided to latch on to, of all of the things that were representations of a Black man, were—was my idea of the honor, the honorable Black man. I don’t mean honorable in terms of you get her pregnant, you got to marry her. I mean honorable in terms of royal. What I projected a royal African chieftain would have been like. I think that I sort of developed that kind of an identity. That’s how I did it.

In all honesty, I thought that King would refer to his father in response to this inquiry. I found it strange that he spoke of a Trekkie and the honor and discipline it represented when his father seemed to exude the same characteristics. I did not expect him to mention a television character as his frame of reference for being a Black male. Eventually, I came to realize that King was actually demonstrating crises of identifying in relation to his father. Although he loved and respected his father, he apparently had trouble identifying with his father as a Black male. In other words, King found it easier to identify with a television character as a Black male than his own father. But I don’t know. I mean, I think it’s more interesting to me, that when I reflect on my images of my father, I’m not getting as much rich of relation as I think is there. I mean, part of it is ’cause he was in the Air Force, so he was gone eight to five. So, he only saw us when he got home, which was late usually. So, we’re home for an hour, he’s home, and that’s about it, except for the weekends. And then it’s get out and cut the grass, you know? It was never really negative, per se. I mean, there were some negative things about it, no doubt about that. He was in the military and he’s from the old school. Mama had to have dinner ready, you know. Mama spent too much money at the store, that’s classic things in all families. But did my father have a major influence? I think the fact that he stayed was a huge part, right?

Are You a Trekkie?    45

Once I realized that King had difficulty identifying with his father as a Black male, I began to wonder how this impacted his relationship with his father. It was obvious that King avoided delving too deeply into his complex and contentious relationship with his father, which I respected. Interestingly, King believed that his sexuality was a combination of his race, masculinity, and femininity. King thought of his sexuality as a balance between his race, masculinity, and femininity. For those who need to define their manhood by not doing quote, unquote, woman’s work, means that they ain’t really men, right? That’s machismo talking. Know what I’m saying? Not all men are just machismo. Even though you’re a man, put on your sleeve, and you are a man, hear me roar. A real man recognizes that he’s got male and female in him, and he can respect and honor and hold up and champion that side of him that can be emotional as well as unemotional, rational, right? So, that balance is essential. To be able to go and serenade a woman in front of your buddies and not care what they think, right? ’Cause you know what? Her heart is for me, and my heart is for her. Forget it; my heart is for her. I am with the technique, you know what I’m saying? Take me, please. You know? And be comfortable with that, and secure in my manhood enough to do that. To meet gay men and be comfortable and secure enough in my manhood to know that, hey, this is their preference, you know? They don’t come on to straight men. They don’t do that. They don’t want to be embarrassed, right?

It seemed that King developed identification with both femininity and masculinity as a way to counteract machismostic social and cultural assumptions associated with manhood and being a man. This allowed him to simultaneously challenge and reference prevalent social and cultural essentialist notions of what it meant to be a woman versus a man. In a nutshell, King experienced crises of identifying within the context of his family that impacted the way he viewed himself as an African American male with a disability. His father was obviously a complex figure who contributed on some levels to exacerbating these crises. I asked King if he ever felt isolated within his immediate family. No, not isolated; ’cause I always knew and felt their support, no matter what. It was unconditional support; so I didn’t need things to verify it, you know what I’m saying? I didn’t need to have conversations with them to reinforce the fact that they support me and being independent, or the fact that they support me and make good decisions. So, that’s—they always unconditionally supported me, you know? It was never a, well you can’t do that. Be honest with you.

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I understood King’s assertion that his family supported and loved him although there were instances where he felt distanced and alienated from them. I felt that my family underestimated the extent to which my deafness influenced the way I perceived and experienced life as well. Regardless, knowing and believing in our families’ unconditional love and support was very important for both of us and a source of strength.

King: Crises of Identifying Within Schools Throughout King’s narrative, there were several references made about his family in association with educational contexts. One of the first indications King provided concerning issues he had pertaining to his race within educational contexts was concerning his speech patterns and how they impacted his experiences within various schools. What it also meant, and what I didn’t know ’til I got into junior high and high school, is that I would have trouble relating with my own people and with White people, you know. So, it was hard when they wouldn’t talk to me, you know. It was hard.

It was apparent that the way King spoke affected his interactions with his peers. He discussed how the way he spoke impacted his dating life. King had a hard time getting Black women to date him. Although his wife is Black, he talked about how he never thought that he would end up marrying a sister. In addition, King’s experiences regarding his speech patterns illustrated the influence of essentialist discourses on people’s perceptions or beliefs concerning the behavior of people with certain identities that perpetuate and reiterate the marginalization and exclusion of these people. He sounded too White to be Black but looked too Black to be White. Besides its impact on the way people interacted with him, King particularly talked about the implications of speaking proper English on his visibility as a Black person, including the way he was perceived as Black person. Because of how I—because I know that’s why—’cause I’m too White, because of how I speak, I’m White, okay? If I speak the King’s English, I’m a White boy, you know? They ain’t never heard nobody from England, boy. Oh, a brother and sister from England? They’ll put some Whiteness on you and call it White, but they’re as Black as hell. And my whole feeling is just always say, yeah, I talk White, but I can still be down home for my brothers, just like you, you know? They’ll hang me first, as a matter of fact, cause they think I’m uppity.

Are You a Trekkie?    47 But it [invisibility] hit me differently, because everybody said college is supposed to be different than everything else, right? Everybody built up college as this, you know, this is a place where you’re going to learn a lot of stuff, but they didn’t tell you [that] you was going to learn about how you’re Black too, you know? And I couldn’t go talk with White folks, ’cause they wouldn’t talk to me either, cause I talk too White. So, I was just stuck, you know? Stuck between having to deal with White people and hope that, you know, you know, I might some—find some that are cool, and brothers that won’t even talk to me, just won’t give me the time of day.

Clearly, King’s feelings of being stuck were an indication of crises of identifying. Not only did he feel unable to identify with Black or White people because of the way he spoke, but he also felt alienated by them because of the way he spoke. He even felt like he had to defend his Blackness by demonstrating that he could still be down home with Black people. Yet his Black and White peers felt that he was behaving too elitist or uppity. In reference to the impact of his family and disability on his educational experiences, King explained how things as simple as accepting assistance from others became a discursively complex process of resisting and rebelling against the progression of his limitations as well as negotiating and mediating his new identity as a person with a disability. Yeah, I think—you know, my mom would always tell me to ask for help if I needed help [in school or with school work]. But, coming from somebody who doesn’t—she doesn’t understand what it means to be—have a disability, or what it means to ask for help. She would always nag me about that. You need to ask for help if you need help. Well, I didn’t think I needed help, you know? When you have a disability that’s disabled like that you don’t think you need help. You think you can do it all on your own. And there’s some instances you want to prove that you can, both to them and to yourself, but that’s a trap. It’s a trap because it’s like a Jedi mind trick. Obi Wan, you have the Force, you can do it; you can move this tree. Well, Obi Wan go over there and try to move that tree, he gonna fall down on his back a little while. He can’t move that tree. It’s just not something that’s doable without some help.

Obviously, King struggles with the progressiveness of his blindness made it hard for him to accept the limitations that it started to place on his life. He struggle with how these limitations affected his capability to continue to do certain things on his own. Unfortunately, people with disabilities were often characterized by their inabilities and limitations. They were basically perceived as helpless and dependent on resources or assistance for help. However, the ways in which society and certain contexts deficiently positioned

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and conditioned people with disabilities to become dependent or helpless were not usually examined. Social and cultural constructions of people with disabilities usually stereotyped them as more incapable than they really were or as less capable than they really were. As a result, a person with a disability would have to perform to or comply with these deficit constructions in order to receive necessary assistance or resources. There is rarely was a middle ground; you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. As a blind person, King’s lived educational experiences were affected by the discomfort people felt in his presence. . . . invisible. I’m walking down—I come out of class, and I’m walking down the pathway towards another class, and three White people are walking towards me, and as you enter into that distance of where you can greet one another, ten to fifteen feet, they would look up, or look over, up to the right or up to the left, or down to the left and down to the right. All of a sudden— I used to joke about this—this little man that jumps out of the concrete whenever you walk by a White person, ’cause I swear, they be trying to find him, you know, ’cause they won’t look you in the eye. You would speak to people and they wouldn’t speak back. There were many a times, many a many a struggles I had, through high school and early college where my vision did affect me, now that I’m thinking about it. My seriousness over the Blackness was different than my being seriousness over the blindness. The blindness really got reflected to me. The Blackness is everywhere—everywhere—constantly. Whether it’s the White girl named Susie who’s walking this way and diverts her path a little bit wider, or the White boy, Billy, who’s walking by and stops, sees me, and freezes, and then he goes back the other way. This White boy, Eric, who looks in my eyes and has hate; it’s everywhere. It’s not every day, but it is everywhere. I mean, it’s virtually everywhere you go.

King revealed how he experienced blindness and Blackness in different ways. The degree to which he experienced his blindness depended on how or whether it was reflected by the people he interacted with, whereas his Blackness was everywhere because it was a constant visible that he felt was always present in his interactions. This experience was a good illustration of the social model of disability. This model redefined and reconstructed disability as a social problem instead of an individual problem. “Rather, disability is the outcome of social arrangements which work to restrict the activities of people with impairments by placing social barriers in their way” (Thomas, 1999, p. 14). In King’s lived experiences the limitations of his

Are You a Trekkie?    49

blindness were felt the most in his interactions with others in educational contexts as well as other social contexts. King also provided detailed explanations of how his blindness, maleness, and Blackness operated individually and intersectionally to impact the way he engaged and was engaged by people at school. In particular, he talked about how he felt that stereotypes and myths concerning his gender, race, and disability mingled together in ways that perpetuated and reiterated perceptions of him as a sexual predator or buffoon. I mean, what are the predominant stereotypes of African American blind men? I’m either incompetent or I’m walking around with my cane out, grabbing every woman I can grab, feeling her up, right? And I’m just grabbing everything. Those are the two stereotypes of blind, Black men. Either you’re incompetent, and you’re turning with your cane up in the air and knocking people’s drinks off the bar. And then you turn away and knock something off the table. Just, you know, the buffoon. Or, you’re the steppin’ fetch-it kind, right? The blind man on the street, begging, or you’re the kind that’s got to feel everybody, every woman up, to see. I could only date certain type of people. I could only go to certain kind of places. You know, I was very limited in what I could do as a—you know, my Blackness, as a Black man, could not be tied up in my, you know, with my language patterns. It ain’t gonna be tied up with me being known as a gangster or a thug, right? That ain’t my lifestyle, had never been. So, you know, I think the manhood is a separate thing. It’s a separate identity for separate sort of situations, like those I just laid out. The Black manhood comes in and only engages, I think, when it comes down to situations in which identity is at risk, maybe. Or, you know, in those instances, okay, well, as an African—if I’m thinking as an African American man on this campus, in the position that I’m in, there’s a certain status that I have to adhere to, a way of behaving, demeanor, et cetera.

In addition, King’s experiences as a college student demonstrated the role of essentialist discourses in perpetuating and reiterating social and cultural scripts regarding certain identities, which determined the marginalization and/or oppression of the people who possessed them. Overall there were several instances in King’s narrative where familial and educational contexts intersected and paralleled each other. Nevertheless, as I discuss in Chapter 2, the positive influence of Black families on their children’s education is rarely acknowledged. Although King felt that his father was not obvious or blatant in addressing issues regarding race or his blindness, he acknowledged that his father always impressed upon him the significance of receiving education.

50    Crises of Identifying So, I think all my dad really emphasized with me was not my blindness [or race] but my education, what education level he wanted me to obtain. I’m gonna have the same thing with my kids, you know?

So, although King had a hard time identifying with his father as a Black male, he was able to later in his life identify with him as a father who also wanted his children to receive the best education possible.

Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership King’s narrative blatantly illustrated the existence and role of crises of identifying in his lived experiences in relation to his disability, gender, and race as mediated by familial and educational contexts. In particular, he provided several instances where dimensions of his identity intersected and the implications of these intersections on his perception of himself and others. In several of his experiences, King exposed the role of essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics in determining how he engaged and was engaged by people in certain contexts. Moreover, King provided insights into crises of identifying with regard to his negotiation and mediation of his race, disability, and manhood. It was in his renegotiation and remediation of these crises that King exhibited leadership qualities. But, for all—I’m blind, period. And I’m comfortable with that identity, comfortable with being blind. But what it means is reflected back to me from other people, not what it means, necessarily, to me. So then, I take what they’re reflecting back and I evaluate whether I believe that’s true or not, of who I am as a person, you know? You know as well as I do, regardless of the disability, once you get to know somebody, once you get to know them, they don’t even see their disability. You and I have to make adaptations. I have to make—I have to do work to make sure that you’re looking at me when I talk that I normally don’t have to do. So, I’m catching myself not doing that, and then having to do it and recycle what I’ve said. Even though you may catch it, may have caught it and just didn’t respond. So, you know, to what extent does it color my reality, I don’t know until I get in circumstances in which I have to do that extra work. And then, all of a sudden, I realize, oh, wow, okay. This is something extra that I have to do, you know? So, the blindness isn’t the master status. It is a filter. It is something that affects how I interface with, you know, my environment, but I still am moving through that environment, as opposed to that environment moving—as

Are You a Trekkie?    51 opposed to my blindness moving me through the environment, ’cause my blindness isn’t controlling the ship. You know, the ship doesn’t have any headlights, but I’ve got a view screen, right? Even when I don’t have a view screen, I’ve got other ways to, you know, figure it out.

Through his crises, King became aware of the ways his blindness, Blackness, and maleness impacted his interactions. In particular, he recognized how his blindness operated as a filter through which he negotiated and mediated essentialist discourses that were embedded in perceptions and stereotypes about who he was (and who he was not). Power and privilege dynamics were prevalent in King’s experiences of visibility and invisibility regarding his race and disability. He talked about how although his disability was a visible constant in his life, he was able to hide it sometimes and pass himself off as able-bodied. In these moments, he had the power and privilege to influence the visibility of his disability in certain situations. At this point his life, King portrayed himself as an active participant in the way he was perceived in his interactions with people. He refused to passively comply with preexisting scripts or constructions about how he should act and look as an African American blind man. He discussed how the degree to which he would allow his interactions and experiences to influence his (re)actions depended on the people involved and contexts within which they took place. King now understood that he had the power to choose when and how he identified with his Blackness, maleness, and blindness regardless of prevalent negative social and cultural constructions regarding his race, gender, and disability. And it is with this power and the choices he makes to do and be better that King continues to demonstrate leadership.

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4 I Don’t Like to Be Pigeonholed

Introduction: Meeting Black Her Story Black Her Story is a single, African American, blind female with a bachelor’s degree in environmental economics and a profession in photography. Although she resides and is employed on the West Coast, Black Her Story has traveled extensively throughout the world documenting and advocating for people of color with and without disabilities. I first met Black Her Story in May of 2005. She was exhibiting her photography at an annual conference that focused on people with disabilities. Black Her Story’s photography exhibit forced me to rethink my own biases concerning blind people and artistic visual expression. Once she and I were formally introduced, we really connected. I found out that she was a fervent disability activist, especially for people of color with disabilities, a radio talk show co-host, as well as a photojournalist who had traveled all over the world.

Black Her Story: Crises of Identifying Within the Family The first interesting thing that happened during my interview with Black Her Story was that she refused to tell me her birth year. She told me that Crises of Identifying, pages 53–64 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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she was born on August 22, but she did not provide me with the year of her birth. I did not realize until I read over her interview transcription that she strategically avoided revealing any information that offered any indication of her age. Of course, I asked her to explain why she decided not to give me her age. No. I don’t like to be categorized or pigeonholed and I think that—and this is nothing personal. But I think that people in this country have become too reliant on the indicators. And, you know, whether it’s a person needs a cane for someone to know that they are visually impaired or they need to say what age they are, so that they’re not confused with being a part of this age group or that group. And I just like being accepted for me.

Apparently, Black Her Story wanted to delimit the impact of age on her interactions with others. She perceived the discursiveness of age as socially determining and thus limiting her interactions with people. Therefore, out of respect for her reason for not providing her age, I will not offer a guess as to what her age may be. With two sisters and three brothers, Black Her Story was the youngest. She came from a close-knit extended family that included cousins, grandparents, and family friends. I asked Black Her Story if she recalled when race first came up within her family. Our parents did not dwell on race. They were not racist. They never talked badly about any other group of people. They never discouraged us from being friends with any other groups of people. It was up to us. Now, there was one conversation that I had with my mother and I felt like this had something to do with something in her past. One of my sisters was dating a Caucasian and my mother said, yeah, we were just commenting about the guy; and so my mama said yeah—I can’t remember her exact words, but it was something like, a peckerwood doesn’t care about us anyway; something like that. But she never said to my sister you can’t or should not date this boy. But she was bitter about something. And then you know the things that children go through, you know, you have friends and you play with friends and then all of sudden you can’t go over to their house anymore; or they don’t want to come over to your house anymore because they have been instructed that this is the line, and that you’re going this path and that person is going, you don’t know what path. But we’re going to direct you here. So I think a lot of White children get that. And some of them defy their parents and then they come back and hang with us anyway.

I Don’t Like to Be Pigeonholed    55

I immediately noticed how Black Her Story went from her parents did not talk about race to memories she had regarding the effect of racial issues on her childhood interactions. Although there were some indications of racial issues within her family, she did not immediately reveal what they were. She felt more comfortable discussing how her childhood White peers would disregard negative racial stereotypes that existed in her childhood neighborhood by continuing to interact with her and her siblings even though they were discouraged to do so. It became clear to me early on that Black Her Story adored her father; she was truly a Daddy’s girl. My father never had to discipline us, not physically. Oh, no. Oh, no. This man commanded. I mean commanded the utmost respect from all of us. He was just—he was such a gentle person. He never yelled at us. He would talk to us. He would sit down—well, first, he used to read us stories all the time. He was the one that read the bedtime stories, you know.

Although she loved her mother as well, Black Her Story stated that her mother had a hard life before she met her father. This hardship was a direct result of her mother’s experiences and interactions having a darker complexion. My mother, I think her positivism came out of some very negative experiences that she had. Her complexion, like, if we were together, you might question [our relation to each other]. And you know how it is among us [African Americans], we’ve got different shades. My mother was chocolate. And she caught hell for it, you know? People—at least she thought she caught hell for it. I think she probably did because we [African Americans] are still color conscious in many ways. And I think for her it was really hard to always be looked at as this darker person. I remember her sharing a story with me once, well I’m not sure she shared it with me but I heard the story. Yeah, she told me. She was talking directly to me. She had a daycare and there were a lot of Caucasian children that came as well as African American children. And she said she used to pray that their color would not rub off on us because she didn’t want us to go through what she went through. I thought that was disgusting. I was—but I didn’t go through that experience that she went through. She went through hell. Yeah, yeah. What color is going to rub off on anybody, you know? So the psyche, the things that come down through society where people still have that sense that light is as close to Whiteness as there is, you know? That’s so sad. That is so sad.

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Because this was only one of the few times that Black Her Story referred to her mother, I thought it was important to include this excerpt from her narrative. Obviously, it captured the impact that race had on her mother’s experiences as well as the prevalence of negative racial constructions perceptions amongst African Americans. Her mother wanting her children to be of a lighter complexion so that they would not experience race as a dark complexioned person demonstrated the complexity, ambiguity, and discursiveness of race in racialized groups. Her mother’s experiences were also an indication of how essentialist discourses concerning race were perpetuated and reiterated within the African American population to (re)oppress and (re)marginalize its own members. In addition, power and privilege dynamics impacted how Black people with lighter complexions were treated in relation to Black people with darker complexions. This was connected to the idea of passing; Black people with lighter complexions were treated better because the shade of their skin was closer to that of a White person. However, the darker a person’s complexion, the more removed they were considered from the White race. Whereas King discussed how speaking proper English resulted in him being ostracized by both White and Black people, Black Her Story revealed how her mother having a dark complexion resulted in her also being ostracized by White and Black people. Interestingly, Black Her Story is a professional photographer. I told her that I found it unusual that a blind person was a photojournalist. I stated to her that I was intrigued by her ability to take such beautiful and poignant pictures considering her vision loss. We discussed her early experiences with photography. I think as a child I was the one who ran around taking the family photos. A family friend recognized my interest and donated a camera. So a lot of photographers that I know, especially professional photographers, speak of their first camera being that Kodak Brownie camera. Well, mine wasn’t a Brownie, but I think it was a Kodak. I’m not sure. But it was an Argus. Argus C3. And I still have that camera. In fact, I have two of them now because I bought one. It’s a little different than mine. So my first 35 millimeter range finder camera and I used that to take pictures.

Black Her Story traveled all over the world taking pictures as a photojournalist. She talked about how she always had been interested in documenting people and culture through photography. As a disability activist, she documented many events around the world concerning disability. But Black Her Story did not limit herself to issues associated with disability.

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When I asked Black Her Story about issues she experienced regarding her gender, she referred to her experiences within the photography field. In terms of as an African American female or a female of African descent, there are a lot—I mean, James Brown has that song, this is a man’s world and there are so many male‑dominated industries, and photography is definitely one. When I go out to do shoots oftentimes I will find that there are no other females in the photo pic or there are no other people of African descent in the pic, or both. And so, you know, I don’t know how long we need to be a token. But, you know, it happens and it’s competitive, too, and some people are just not interested. And what I do notice is sometimes it’s geographical. Like if I go to Atlanta [Georgia] to shoot there will inevitably be people of African descent and there may even be a few females of different races. But, you know, in New York, you know, I expect the same thing and that’s just not the case. I mean, I just did the JVC Jazz Festival and there were no women shooting. There was one brother, but no women.

Evidently, the photography field is dominated by White males. This resulted in her being in situations that highlighted the difference of not only her race but also her gender. She stated how she often felt like the token representative of African American females in this field. Black Her Story’s vision problems were initially associated with a common family trait of nearsightedness. I asked her how her diagnosis with a disability changed the way she thought of her experiences prior to her diagnosis and if this affected her interactions with family members. You know, this is an interesting question because even though I was born with this disability, I did not grow up with the understanding that I was a person with a disability. For me, this was normal and it was just the way everybody or most people with nearsightedness saw the world. And then all of a sudden now, I’m categorized. I’m tagged. I’m labeled. And I think for my family it was an adjustment. And they just thought well, here, come over here and lay. I can see that. Or, I know where that is. You know, it was like all of a sudden, oh, we’ve got to help her. And I’m like, I’m all right. They would look at me and like well, okay, are you going to go totally blind? And I’m like no. You know, I’m not claiming that I am. So I said you might have the same condition I have. You know, that was kind of scary. But nobody went and got tested. You know, nobody was having the challenges that I was having seeing, so it was pretty evident that I was the only one with this condition. So yeah, I mean, like I said, my family took it more to heart than me or, you know, it weighed heavier on them than it did on me.

58    Crises of Identifying So in some ways, you know, there are some issues now when I interact with people with disabilities; that whole notion of dependency theory, and I think a lot of people adhere to that and they really don’t have a choice or didn’t have a choice. For me, I was dependent on my family, you know, early on, not on society or agencies or organizations to help meet my needs.

Within Black Her Story’s family, variations in vision were common and normal. So it was not surprising to her family when she started having vision problems. However, when she was diagnosed with a form of Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) later in her life, it clearly had an impact on the way her family perceived her. It seemed that they struggled initially with identifying with her once the progressiveness of her blindness was diagnosed. Yet, Black Her Story seemingly did not experience alienation within her family regarding her disability. Nevertheless, like King, she was very determined to maintain her independence outside the context of her family; she only allowed herself to be dependent with her family, which illustrated the security and love she felt, as a blind person, within the contexts of her family. Furthermore, Black Her Story’s reference to her dependency on her family for her needs instead of agencies or organizations indicated that she was aware of negative social perceptions of people with disabilities who were dependent on agencies or organizations, which she felt perpetuated and reiterated stereotypes of them as helpless and weak. These negative social perceptions of people with disabilities were also an indication of the influence of power and privilege dynamics on the construction of dependency as a weakness. Black Her Story’s life was even more interesting because, although she had a disability all of her life, she was not labeled with it until she became an adult. She talked about how she felt that her diagnosis later in life was a blessing in disguise because she did not grow up with being labeled as disabled. Evidently, not being defined as disabled early in her life impacted the way Black Her Story viewed herself as a person with a disability. Yeah. I think that a large part of it has to do with the fact that I did not grow up with the sense of being a person with a disability, so life has continued on for me, and I’m doing most of the things that I was already doing. But with the knowledge that I have a condition that I’ve always had, but it is considered a disability. It is a disability. So I don’t know how to do anything differently, I guess. You know what I mean? It’s been such a pattern or such a part of my life all along, to function without this knowledge of having a disability and yes, I have the knowledge now that I have a disability but it’s like okay, I have a disability, but I can still do this and, you know, contrary to what some blind people might think or

I Don’t Like to Be Pigeonholed    59 some non-blind people that, you know, in order to do visual art you need to have good vision, whatever that good vision is, I have great vision. I do.

Not being limited by social and cultural constructions associated with being labeled with a disability growing up allowed Black Her Story to identify with her disability in a positive way that was not challenged by prevalent negative social and cultural constructions. In other words, she avoided experiencing crises of identifying regarding her blindness because, although she had always struggled with vision problems, she did not have to contend with negative stereotypes while growing up of having disability. And considering the fact that vision problems were common in her family, Black Her Story was able to develop a positive identification with her vision problems early in her life. Also, I believed that not being labeled until she was an adult also permitted Black Her Story to maintain her confidence and passion about photography, which more than likely would have been deterred or discouraged if she had been diagnosed early in her life especially when considering prevalent essentialist discourses regarding blindness and a blind person’s personal and professional capability (or incapability). In order to maintain her independence outside of the contexts of her family, Black Her Story talked about her refusal to use prostheses or indicators. No, I don’t use the indicators. I don’t have a dog; I don’t have a cane. But I’ve bumped into a few things, and I did that as a child and everybody just oh, she wasn’t paying attention. Or that glass sure was wiped sparkling clean, so clean nobody saw it, you know? And then if somebody else did it too it was like, wow, maybe we should put some tint on that. Oh, boy. It’s just like a blind person who has no indicators and one day walks out with a cane and everybody’s like oh, and they start to look at him or her in a different light. But they’ve always been blind. They just never revealed that.

Her decision to not use prostheses suggested her need to maintain her independence. Like King, her decision provided her with the power and privilege to determine the invisibility of her disability within certain interactions and situations. In this case, invisibility was used in order to not bring attention to her disability. This made me realize how my refusal to wear my hearing-aids on a regular basis was how I used power and privilege to guard the visibility and invisibility of my deafness. As a result of my determination to not bring attention to my deafness despite pressure by my family to wear them, I was able to maintain some level of power in controlling how people interacted with me. The fact that we could hide our disabilities on some level, when there were people who could not do so on any level, indicated the privilege King, Black Her Story, and I had in

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choosing (for the most part) when we wanted to reveal our disabilities and who we wanted to reveal them to.

Black Her Story: Crises of Identifying Within Schools Black Her Story raved about how supportive, positive, and diligent her parents were about her education. Education had always been a priority in their household. I think my father in particular has always encouraged and nurtured to strive for higher education because education just, that’s it. You were—I don’t care what you do, you get your education first then you settle down and then you have a family. He said, you travel the world, you see as much as you can. That was his thing. My papa used to drill that into us. You can do whatever you want if you try, he said. Shoot for the moon. That way, if you fall among the stars, you are still on top of the world. I treasure that. I treasure that. And that has carried me.

However, there was a rare moment were Black Her Story talked about something she disagreed with her father doing in order to encourage them to make good grades in school. The one thing that he did do that I kind of resented is that he used to start to pay us for every A that we got and I remember thinking dang, I mean, I took the money but inside of me and I guess this was my own growing into my own sense of being and philosophy, I thought, he’s bribing us, you know? And that’s not cool, you know? We should just be doing our work but it’s bribery, you know? But there are a few other things that go along with that. You know, we do live in a capitalistic society and he was showing a few different things to us. And I remember when I brought home one of my report cards. I had six A’s, one A minus and a B plus and that, to that point, [were] my best report grades. I was counting how much money I was going to get. He said, umm hmm. Now, I’m the last one, right? Everybody else got theirs. And I had the best scores. That’s good, little one, but you could still do better. I was so mad. If there was ever a time I wanted to lay a hand, I could have just balled up my fist and punched my Papa right in his belly. But you know what? He was right. I had not excelled to perfection. I had not gotten straight A’s. So what he was saying to me, you did good but you’ve got room for improvement; so never think that you can’t do better than what you’ve done.

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It was interesting that, even at a young age, Black Her Story understood that her father rewarding them for making good grades was problematic. However, her father extended her education beyond the limitations of letter grades and the walls of the schools and into the makeup of her character as a strong, intelligent human being by pushing her to exceed her own expectations of herself. I thought that this also allowed Black Her Story and her siblings to effectively participate in the competitive capitalistic demands of our society without getting caught up in or being destructively influenced by the rewards or failures and winnings or losses that characterized it. Nevertheless, Black Her Story was confronted with issues concerning her race and disability within educational contexts. She talked about an incident where the teacher of an advanced placement (AP) class tried to convince her to move to a lower academic track. The teacher tried to convince her to move by telling her that she was not going to receive an A in the AP class, but if she moved to a lower track then she would be able to get an A. The teacher even went so far as to involve the school counselor in trying to convince her to move to a lower academic track. I see my counselor, like, out in the corridor one day and she said oh, I’ve been wanting to talk to you so do you have a minute? I said oh, yeah; I’m in between classes. She said that my history teacher and she had had a conversation and my history teacher was wondering if I would like to drop down a level versus going to level five so that I could get an A. Right then and there I looked at my counselor and I said, No, I don’t want to drop down. I want to go to level five because I want to learn something. So we were countering. But she was saying to me number one, you are not going to get an A in this history class because I’m not giving it to you and number two, why don’t you drop a level so that you can get an A because that’s what’s important, isn’t it? Not the learning, but getting the A.Now that’s not the way I analyzed all that right then. What I did analyze was that I wanted to learn something and there’s my father’s voice in my head: you do, you can learn it, you don’t let anybody push you around. And my mama: no, you stay focused. So I was focused. Needless to say, I did not get an A in that woman’s class, all right? But I went on to level five and yes, I learned something. I would have sat through level four, I would have been miserable, you know? So there was some tension and I was the only African American female in the class so it may or may not have had something to do with it. My sense now, it probably did.

This experience confirms how teachers sometimes make decisions or referrals about tracking students that are not based not on their intellect

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and abilities. This is very problematic because teachers have a lot of privilege and power in determining the educational achievement of students. Unfortunately, most teachers are not aware of or do not understand the influence of essentialist discourses on what, when, and how they identify with their students and the implications of this identification (whether negative or positive) on their classroom practices. Black Her Story’s educational experience reminded me of my educational experience of being referred by teachers to special education not because of my intellect but because of my disability. I was sure that Black Her Story being the only African American female in the class played a role in their desire to move her to a lower academic track, even if the teacher or counselor thought they were acting in her best interest. Fortunately, because of her parents’ emphasis on the importance of education, Black Her Story was able to successfully negotiate and mediate her way through this experience (and others) without experiencing crises of identifying regarding her race or gender and by not allowing the teacher and counselor to bribe her with a letter grade. In particular reference to her blindness within educational contexts, Black Her Story talked about how reading aloud in class brought visibility her vision problems. However, this visibility motivated her to perform better. Going into the classroom and having to read aloud? And everybody had to read aloud. I cringed when my teachers got to me. Why? Not because it was difficult for me to read for my classmates or my teacher, but my girls were there and they were all going through like, ble ble ble ble ble ble. And I would be like, da da da because I had to make sure I got all the words and sometimes I would skip an entire line. I’d have to go back because it didn’t make sense to me and then my eyes would start to catch the words and I’m like, oh. And so I’d go and I’d start over again and then I would read everything. So it was—I didn’t want my friends and my cousins, I didn’t want them to hear me reading any slower than them. They motivated me. They inspired me. We inspired each other, you know? So that was really, that was hard. So yeah, that was frustrating. You know, I would say it was demoralizing but it wasn’t because I have such a competitive spirit and because we were so grounded in we could do whatever we wanted to do, all we had to do was try.

Black Her Story discussed about how she mediated and negotiated struggles she had about reading aloud by making sure that they were not perceived by her teacher as an indication of her intellect or ability to comprehend what she read. She revealed that she was constantly raising her hand and answering questions about what was read in order to demonstrate her competence and intelligence. Fortunately, her friends and competitiveness

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as well as her parents’ prioritization of education enabled Black Her Story to succeed in educational contexts.

Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership Even Black Her Story’s narrative illustrated discursiveness and complexity related to crises of identifying. For instance, growing up with several family members who had vision problems and not being officially diagnosed with a disability until she was an adult allowed her to develop positive identification with her blindness in a way that did not threaten her career as a photojournalist. In addition, her relationship with her parents and support and love she experienced within the familial context significantly impacted the way she negotiated and mediated would-be crises concerning her disability, race, and gender. Considering the nurturing and supportive environment of her familial context and the discrimination she experienced in educational settings, I asked her how she managed to negotiate and mediate these two very different spaces. I don’t know, you know? I just—I think about language and how I might speak in public and how I might speak at home with my family, you know? How we tend to dip into our dialect. So I think it’s that type of thing that happens and I don’t necessarily know it to be a—I’m aware of it, but it’s not a conscious thing in the sense, it’s just an automatic thing, you know what I mean? So I think that the going back and forth between the conflict with school and community into that loving, nurturing, supportive family environment is natural as well. You know? It’s like—I don’t know, sometimes you know you go away and it’s like oh, wow, I’m so glad to be back home. Yes. So maybe subconsciously I was glad to be back home with my folks, you know, versus dealing with all that who rah rah.

Interesting she connected her mediation and negotiation of familial and educational contexts to the difference in her speech patterns in these contexts. This reminded me of the issues King faced as a result of his speech patterns. It would seem that the security, love, and support she received as an African American woman with a disability in the familial context were sustenance for negotiating and mediating conflicts and challenges she faced in educational contexts. In other words, her family’s validation of her Blackness, femaleness, and blindness not only enabled Black Her Story to develop positive identification with her race, gender, and disability but it also provided her with leadership qualities that allowed her to resist and

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withstand the discrimination and challenges she experienced within educational contexts. Nonetheless, there was some indication of crises of identifying in Black Her Story’s narrative regarding a shift in how she perceived herself as a diagnosed person with progressive blindness versus a person with just vision problems. This involved her renegotiation and remediation of her perception of herself as an African American blind woman in a White, maledominated profession who would remain independent but who now had a disability that would affect her interactions with both herself and others. So maybe that was a conflict, the protection versus the independence. I don’t know. But it’s all good. It all worked out. I think it didn’t weigh heavy on me because I can’t remember ever just dropping off into a stupor of woe is me. Again, I’m from a family that says you can do what you want to do, so why should this stop me?

Overall, Black Her Story saw the diagnosis of her disability as a motivation for her to never give up or allow anything to get in her way. She accepted her disability as a part of who she was while refusing to allow it to limit who she was and who she was becoming. I’m saying I look at this as a way to further my goals. Yes, because now I feel like I have greater access. There is more opportunity. More things are open to me, because I am a female, because I am of African descent, and because I have a disability. So, you know, that’s three things going for me versus, say, being a female, which is one thing going for me. There are a lot of programs for women. There’s a lot of funding available for women. There’s a lot of funding for art projects that are produced by women. But there’s even more funding available when you look at what is open to people with disabilities and what is open to people of African descent. So that’s what I mean by, it’s a resource. So yeah, I mean, I’m still focused on this as a resource and a door opener but at the same time I recognize that there have been times when doors have been shut and they’ve been shut because of my disability or because I am of African descent or because I am a female, or all.

By reconceptualizing her disability, race, and gender identities as resources, Black Her Story reconstructed them as social and cultural capital that could be used strategically by her to further herself personally and professionally.

5 My Mother Was Like My Bodyguard

Introduction: Meeting José José is a single African American male with cerebral palsy. He is active in exposing poor conditions and services provided to people of color with disabilities. As the cofounder of several grassroots organizations on the West and East coasts, he is also a consultant, poet, entrepreneur, and speaker. José has a bachelor’s degree in political science. José was a source of excitement and admiration from the moment I met him in May of 2005. I met him the same year I met Black Her Story. When I was formally introduced to José, there was an instant camaraderie. He was a dedicated disability rights activist who had published literature and consulted with various institutions on the rights and issues associated with people of color with disabilities. We had several conversations about grassroots and consulting work that he was doing concerning people of color with disabilities, as well as his own experiences of being an African American with a disability.

Crises of Identifying, pages 65–75 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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José: Crises of Identifying Within the Family Born on November 2, 1967, José was a force to be reckoned with. The middle child and only son with two siblings, he has been a disability activist since he was a teenager. I asked him how he first became involved in activism. I got started—well, my parents were really active and my father was an activist, so I got involved with the disability rights movement back in Connecticut. Around the early ’80s, my mother took me to the United Cerebral Palsy Association in Hartford, Connecticut. She wanted me to get involved with the event, join agencies with disabilities. We lived in the—when I was born, we lived in the suburbs. And this happened when we lived in the city. So one summer I was going to high school and I was like, Mom, what can I do for the summer? And my Mom took me down to UCP and that’s where it all started with disability.

As activists themselves, José’s parents apparently had no problem getting him involved with an organization. It seemed that they recognized early the importance of José developing identification with his disability and others who had a similar disability. It was even better that they had access to an organization that focused on cerebral palsy, in which José felt comfortable and could actively participate. José was subjected to multiple operations before he was 16 years old. However, he does not look back on those experiences with trepidation or angst. You know, for me that’s how I remember still in my early teens is operation after operation. I don’t remember anything, like, before my teens ’cause it’s weird, but my teens and when I was 13, 14, 15 years old I had three operations all on my legs. And back then, the medical field had this weird kind of notion that there were people with cerebral palsy that have, like, plates in their heads because that they drag their foot when they walk. So they did it three times and that involved having a body cast from my stomach downward. So in a body cast in the summer, back east—it was hot. It was hot. So that’s what I remember in my younger days but I also remember, you know, just being a brother to two sisters, you know? And just going out playing, you know?

People with cerebral palsy often had operations to straighten their legs and or spine. Apparently the series of operations he had as a teenager impacted his memories of his early years as a teenager. His last statement led me to inquire about his interactions with his family in relation to his disability.

My Mother Was Like My Bodyguard    67 Oh my God, my family. My family—I think all my neighbors wanted to call the police on my parents ’cause my family treated me like—you know, just like a regular person. You know, so when I’m outside, be walking, and my walk was really worse when I was younger, so when I was walking I used to fall a lot. And my parents like, Oh, come on Leroy. Get up. Let’s go. And neighbors are like, Oh my God. Your mother has no heart. You know? So, you know, they treated me as just part of the family, but also they recognized that I needed, like therapy and other programs so . . . Yeah. I need of a lot of attention with my medical needs and making sure that, you know, I get my speech therapy and all that stuff. My granddad used to live with me and, you know, he used to be, you know, overprotective. José can’t go out, know you? But my mother never listened and was like, What? Nuh-huh. So my mother was like my bodyguard. You know, my judge, you know? When she said something, it’s set in stone, you know?

Evidently, José had positive interactions with his family despite undergoing several operations and constantly being in therapy. These interactions reflected how his family perceived him as a person with a disability. They engaged him based on his ability instead of just his disability. Although he had difficulty walking, he still had the ability to walk; so they let him walk. But then again, considering the information José provided about the way his parents reacted to his birth and finding out that he had cerebral palsy in-uterus, I better understood the passion his mother had about his quality of life. Yeah. It’s so funny. Like my mom told me the story of me being born and my mom said when I was born, you know, I was born dead and my father came out of the—no, no, the doctor came out of the operating room and my father was huge. My father used to be a football player. So this big, Black man and this little, skinny, scrawny doctor came out of the doctor’s and the doctor came out of the operating room and the doctor’s like, You know, I got bad news. Your son is dead. And my father grabbed that scrawny, White man, threw him back in the operating room and said, You come out with good news. So he came out again, he’s like, Your son is alive, but he’s going to be a vegetable. You know? And my father was so happy. Yeah. It’s like, okay, okay. Yeah, because the doctor said, you know, I would never walk, talk, or do anything at that time.

It was interesting listening to José tell about his birth and how medical doctors predicted that he would be a vegetable. However, José’s parents rejected medical discourses concerning his disability that attempted to determine what his life would and/or should be as a person with cerebral palsy.

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In addition to their support of him as a person with a disability, I asked José how he thought his family helped him develop a positive perception of himself. But I think my mom and my dad, you know, they exposed me to a lot. I mean the whole family even—the whole family does so well at networking and dealing with people. I mean, we, although we grew up in the city and the suburbs, but we used to go to the country. So getting out of the city and dealing with disability growing up really taught us how to network and how to, you know, be around other people and all that good stuff. And it did start at home with my mom and my dad; taught us how to look at TV, you know? You just don’t go off and look at TV. Like, critically look at TV, like, who’s missing in this picture and, you know, why every town in the news you see reports of Black on Black crime; but you don’t see reports happening in the suburbs. You know? And so really critically look at TV.

By teaching him and his siblings to be critical thinkers, José’s parents provided him with a powerful mechanism that assisted him in negotiating and mediating his experiences of being a Black disabled man. Although José’s parents encouraged him to be active and to critically examine racial issues, he did recognize there was a lack of knowledge in his frame of reference concerning Black men with disabilities. Regardless, he was able to understand early on how he was positioned and constructed as a Black disabled man in society. But he did not let these negative constructions determine his identification with his race, gender, and disability. You know, for me as a Black, disabled man I was always taught about, you know, Black history and all that stuff. I wasn’t taught about Black, disabled history. So, when I used to go to a lot of these agencies, I used to volunteer at a lot of agencies, like I said, a lot of times going to the United Cerebral Palsy Center and the president like, Why am I the only Black person here? You know? So that really threw up, like, red flags, you know? And, you know, I came back home one day, I think after volunteering there, I just went home and I said, Mom, why am I the only Black person at all these, like, activities I do? My mom didn’t know. My mom’s like, I don’t know. You know? So when your mom doesn’t know, you know, especially when you’re younger, it’s like, Huh?

Obviously, José was conscious as a young adult about the lack of presence of other Black people with cerebral palsy at the United Cerebral Palsy Center

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(UCPC). One would assume that he would have just been satisfied with being around other people with cerebral palsy. However, because of his family’s influence in critically examining the marginalization of Black people in society, José was knew that something was wrong with the fact that he was the only Black person at the UCPC. This led to me ask José if he recalled feeling any frustration with the way his family treated him. I think when my father, you know, I think he was, you know—and it could be almost like overkill. He’s like—anytime I was walking or playing outside, he’s like, Walk straight. You know, Stand on your feet, and this and that. At first I was like, you know, This is me. You know, I was like, you know? And I felt that I always had to prove that, you know, I could be a quote, unquote, normal son to him. You know, and, but now I look at it like—think I did it. You know, it’s not trying to work at being the normal son it’s just, you know, having that pressure on me when I was younger really helped me today. I think if I didn’t have no pressure on me, especially having cerebral palsy is like—sometimes your muscles get weaker and, you know, you don’t need therapy or you, you know, don’t, you know, try to—not try to walk straighter, but try to improve what you’re doing and that’s not only walking, but you want to get into the gym and go to the gym and do stretches and all, you know? He knew I couldn’t be a football player but he always wanted me to be active, you know? So I think that helped when I got older, you know? But when I was younger, I was like, Dad, leave me alone. You know? I was like, God. But, yeah, so my dad was tripped out about that but my mom was totally different. My mom was like, Catch your drool. You know, I mean, my dad was harder, but my mom was there. My mom was dealing with the services, kind of aspect, you know; getting me into the physical therapy, needs therapy and all that stuff. But she was there, you know, she taught me how to cook, you know, and I was right there next to my sister, cleaning up dishes with my walker, you know? From my Mom, it really affected me because I saw her, not only questioning, but I saw her taking me to them places and, you know, exposing me to different organizations. Yeah, so that really had an effect on me and really has an effect on me now because people are always telling me, like, Jose´, you’re so—your friends are so diverse. You know? You hang out with, you know, people that are over here, then you hang out with people that are gay. You hang out with people that are, you know, White. You hang out . . .

Overall, José’s interactions and experiences within the familial context were mostly positive and inclusive. However, when he was younger, there were crises of identifying with his father where sometimes he felt pressured by his father to be a normal son. Because José did not have access to posi-

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tive Black male role models with disabilities, it was not surprising that he experienced crises in identifying with himself as a Black male in relation to his father. However, his negotiation and mediation of these crises led him to understand and appreciate the role his father played in targeting, supporting, and strengthening both his abilities and himself as a Black male. Although they accepted that he needed medical assistant and therapy, José’s family rejected negative predictions regarding his disability. They recognized that his needs as a person with cerebral palsy were more an indication of his disability and not of him as a person. So they did not limit their expectations and interactions with José to his disability. It was clear that José’s family had a huge impact on his identification with being a Black man. Nonetheless, even though he was actively involved in organizations that allowed him to interact with other people with disabilities, these organizations were mainly White. Therefore, growing up, José did not have any positive exposure, interactions with, or representation of Black men with disabilities. Nevertheless, because of his family’s emphasis on activism and advocacy, José took it upon himself to seek out information on Black men with disabilities.

José: Crises of Identifying Within Schools José’s experiences in educational contexts were not boring to say the least. As a Black male with a disability, he revealed that he was referred to and contained in special education classes at an early age. I think the reason is that . . . they were so used to putting anybody that had disabilities, like African American, in the special education and this was, you know, like I said, before any kind of laws. So they were like, No. He’s disabled. He goes there. You know? And they were not used to managing teenagers with disabilities and having them an aide.

Unfortunately, this process of placing children in special education because of their disability is very common. Even though I was an honor roll student, I remembered my mother fighting to keep me from being placed in special education classes at the elementary and secondary levels. José’s parents were one of the first families to sue a school district in order to ensure that he was provided with an equitable education. This demonstrated how serious and committed they were to making sure that José was provided with a quality education that was based on his intellect and not his disability.

My Mother Was Like My Bodyguard    71 My parents were the first parents to take the public schools of Connecticut to court in the early ’70s. Yeah and this was of course way before the ADA; the Americans with Disability Act. I think was like more as—probably before the Rehabilitation Act. Yeah. It could be before then, yeah. But anyway, they took the schools to court because I was in special education and my parents said, you know, José doesn’t need to be in special education. You know, He’s smart. He doesn’t need to be in special education. So they, my parents was like, What he needs is a teacher’s aide, you know, in the class. And the class didn’t want to provide for that.

The fact that José’s parents were able to get him mainstreamed with a teacher’s aide in public schools before ADA (which was not passed until 1990) was admirable, especially considering that he was a Black male. It was even more so because essentialist discourses regarding people with disabilities in educational contexts were not often challenged legally during the ’70s. It was apparent that his parents’ experiences as activists and advocates assisted them in gathering the resources to sue a school district, especially since they were Black and one of the first to do so. On some level, this showed the power and privilege or social and cultural capital they gained as educated activists and advocates who had experience in fighting social injustices. I asked José how he felt about what his parents did and whether they sought any input from him during this process. Well, for me, I was like, Hell yeah. Let’s do it. You know, Let’s do it. I remember the mainstream but also on the other side is that I was scared because, I mean, it’s a total different way of learning; a total different, you know, environment, you know. And I didn’t know it at the time, but when I mainstreamed I left all my brothers and sisters of color back in the special education. I was like, all right. But this is my homeboys now. You know, it’s like, oh wow. So I saw then how they were discriminating against Black males especially. And this is back in the, like I said, ’70s. I was like, Oh, okay. But I’m so glad it happened then because it really taught me how to deal with different people. You know, it taught me how to be flexible. It taught me how to take on things that I didn’t know about.

Transitioning from special education classes to general classrooms initiated crises of identifying for José. He had developed identification with the people of color who were assigned to special education classes. His negotiation and mediation of these crises helped him to adapt to this transition. José now understood how his renegotiation and remediation of these educational experiences helped him to flexibly interact with different people.

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I then inquired about differences in his educational experiences in general classrooms versus special education classrooms. Teachers [in general education] are a trip. They are a trip cause they dealt with me with kid gloves, you know, at first. Yeah. In special ed they—it seemed like they—it seemed like one big playground. It’s like, who cares. We’re in this class; everyone is like, okay. We like, go from art to gym to cooking. So, when I mainstreamed in the mainstream classes—yeah, the teachers were—well, if you just had some kind of time to get adjusted with it, but still they were kind of iffy about it, you know? And they used to talk to my aide instead of talking to me. Can José write his name? And I’d be right there. Like, oh my God. [The teacher’s aide] kicked butt. She made sure that, you know, I had everything in on time. You know, we used to stay after and do all my homework. I forgot her name because she was older, but she kicked butt, you know? When the teachers try to talk to her, she turned her back and was like, I’m a mute. You need to talk to José. You know?

It seemed that José’s aide did not allow teachers to treat him as invisible and/or incapable. So, she not only resisted essentialist discourses associated with the medical model of disability but she also challenged José’s general education teachers to confront their own crises of identifying by forcing them interact with José. Because of the persistence and influence of his family, José had access to an equitable education. This placed him on an academic track that led to him earning a bachelor’s degree in political science. Well, I love politics. I love being right here. I mean, when I was younger I used to read the New York Times. My granddad’s like, Your son, Jose´. I mean, your son is weird. You know? He’s three years old and he’s already [reading] the New York Times. You know? Because like, I guess, you know, being physically disabled and having a lot of operations, you’re inside a lot; so I used to read a lot. So I used to read, you know, a lot of newspapers and I just, you know, it just turned me around. That and my father being an activist, you know? And me always questioning the system, you know?

Witnessing his parents as activists and participating in activism as well as being exposed early in his life to issues regarding social justice had a huge impact on José that influenced his experiences and interactions in educational contexts.

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José would frequently challenge discrimination and exclusion by teachers, their practices, and/or the curricula. I had this one teacher that had said, Well, you are a, you know, I don’t think that you can make it in college. You know? You know, and my comment is, like, How can you tell that to a student? You know, How can you tell... And I was in that class with a B [letter grade]. I was like, How can you tell that to any student? You know and she of course, she didn’t respond to that but, you know, those were the types of attitudes that— you know, not from everybody, but those were the types of attitudes that a lot of Black males received, you know, back then and even now. In high school, me and my history teacher [all of them] got—we were at each other’s throats every day. Questioning, like, you know, Why am I the only person—Black person in the mainstream? Why in classes I don’t read about disabled history? Like I said before, my history teachers talked about critical odds, so, you know, it’s like why— and that followed me when I was mainstreamed. It’s like, you know, yeah, I’m thinking about going back and all that stuff. But it’s like, What? You know, what happened to my Black, disabled, people? And I took it on myself to—like every paper I did was on Black, disability; and if it was in science, you know, I did research of Black, disabled scientists, and I wrote articles about that. It was, you know, it was a challenge though, you know? You know, that teacher used to call my mother and say, José’s acting up again.

José’s narrative indicated how teachers would interpret his challenges and behaviors as aggressive, confrontational, and/or disruptive. Instead of listening to José and using his challenges as an opportunity to critically examine their teaching practices and the curricula as well as develop identification with him, they avoided their crises by labeling his behavior as problematic or acting up. It was instances like these that commonly led to Black males being defined as violent and/or disruptive and/or relegated to special education classes. In his interactions with his peers, José had to utilize different strategies to negotiate and mediate these interactions and experiences. Yeah, you know, it [having an aide] stuck out a lot. You know, because they all like, Oh, that’s José. You know, with my aide there. And when my aide wasn’t there, like in gym class and other classes, you know, it was different how they treated me. You know, it was more, you know, they kind of poked fun at me more when my aide wasn’t there. You know, it was like just having an adult there, you know?

74    Crises of Identifying I don’t know. It’s like, I don’t know, it’s like—of course I learned a lot because I passed, of course. But I think K through 12, especially your teenage years, you’re really trying to fit in, you know, and that sometimes overshadows the academics that you’re learning.

Moreover, José talked about how he developed a network with football players in high school, which influenced the way his peers interacted with him. Because of his positive association with the football players, he was treated better and included more by his peers. This network not only reflected his negotiation and mediation of crises of identifying with football players who he felt epitomize normal, able-bodied, males but it also informed and influenced his remediation and renegotiation of negative interactions with his other peers. Overall, José demonstrated how crises of identifying could be utilized as catalysts for mediating and negotiating prevalent essentialist discourses within educational contexts and as a resource for renegotiating and remediating interactions with his peers.

Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership José’s narrative highlighted several of his lived experiences within familial and educational contexts. Differences between his educational experiences and interactions in general education classrooms and special education classrooms were particularly enlightening. Yeah, what I think was going on in the schools, and is still going on today, is that, once again, it’s a cultural insensitivity of teachers of knowing how to adapt their class; how to teach more . . . than the students that look like them, you know? So, you know, I think that special education becomes an easy dumping ground when the teachers just don’t know how to reconstruct their classroom and their curriculum, you know? And especially today because they don’t—it’s not like they’re going from ground zero. You know, there’s so many resources out there that they could take advantage of. And it’s not only teachers; because I’ve met wonderful teachers that helped me through high school and college. I think it comes from the top to the bottom. That the administrators at the top and the teachers are so burned out. By the time it gets to them, it’s like another chore that they have to do.

This excerpt clearly revealed how teachers exhibited crises of identifying and how these crises allowed for the perpetuation and reiteration of marginalizing and discriminating classroom practices as well as illustrated teachers’ inability to adequately meet the needs of students of color with disabilities.

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With a Black Panther for a father and an activist and advocate for a mother, José was able to receive an equitable and quality education. His lived experiences and interactions within familial and educational contexts were instrumental in informing and determining the leadership he exhibited in his negotiation and mediation of crises of identifying regarding his disability, race, and gender and as an activist and advocate for Black people with disabilities. Yeah, growing up, yeah, being Black, being disabled, I never had—I didn’t see me, you know, in my neighborhood. So I questioned that from the beginning; and that’s when I said—you know, went to my mom and she didn’t know, all right? You know? And going from special education and leaving my homies and going to mainstream education that was another question mark. So all these question marks started adding up and I was like, You know, it’s time for me to do some research. So that’s—I mean, in the beginning I felt like I was the only Black, disabled man on earth. But after I did research, I was like, Oh, okay. There’s a lot of history out there. So when I did that research, and when I really found my history, that’s the thing that kept me alive and kept me going. And now I’m trying to give back that knowledge to the schools and to other places. But it really affirmed me as a Black, disabled man. This is all right. You know? I’m not the only one; I won’t be the last.

Having access to literature and resources was also important in supporting and maintaining José as a leader. Early in his life, he understood the significance of resources and research not only as avenues for gaining and obtaining information about being a Black disabled male, but also as factors in helping him negotiate and mediate crises of identifying within familial and educational contexts.

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6 I’m Not Crippled; I’m Handicapped

Introduction: Meeting Kim Kim is a divorced African American female with cerebral palsy. She is also a disability activist with a master’s degree in political administration. I met Kim and Starbucks 311 at the same time. When I first met this dynamic twosome, they exuded a level of confidence and independence that I envied. In May of 2006, I noticed them in the audience while I was presenting a paper in Washington, DC. We were all attending the annual conference of the same disability studies organization where I met King, Black Her Story, and José. After the paper session, Starbucks 311 approached me and told me how much she enjoyed the paper I presented, which critiqued the essentialization disability identity and disability culture. During this encounter, she introduced me to Kim.

Kim: Crises of Identifying Within the Family Kim was born on January 14, 1970. She was her mother’s first and only child. I had also met Kim’s mother, who was a disability activist, on several occasions. From Kim’s narrative, I got a better sense of the dynamic rela-

Crises of Identifying, pages 77–85 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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tionship that existed between Kim and her mom. Unfortunately, her relationship with her father and his family was strained and distant. I said before that my mom raised me as a single parent and so I didn’t see my dad all too often. But when I did I guess he never—I just never—he was frustrated with me because of my disability. I had lots of struggles about my dad and what he means in my life. Besides in addition to me having a disability, him not accepting that, I guess it was combined with him not wanting to be responsible for me or responsible to my mom for me. And so it wasn’t only my disability. For decades really, I tried to have a relationship with him and with his side of the family. My grandmother on his side is still alive and I have two halfbrothers and I have aunts. I have a large family on his side. And I tried to reach out to them until I got married—I tried everything for them to react positively towards me, but it didn’t work.

It seemed that Kim’s father and his family were experiencing crises of identifying in relation to her disability. Their refusal to negotiate and mediate their crises resulted in Kim never developing a relationship with her paternal family members. But like José’s mother, from the moment she was born, Kim’s mother was very diligent about establishing the quality of her life despite the negative reactions from family members around her. She accepted it. It was more of other people in our family not accepting me. But she accepted it. My mom had a major role in how I live my life now. She didn’t hold me back. She didn’t put ideas in my head like I couldn’t do that because I have a disability. If I wanted to do something and I couldn’t do it, then she would find a way for me to do it another way or hire someone to help me do it. Yeah. She was always up front with me. I remember when I was about three or four, I would play in the neighborhood and some kids that I knew played with they would say, You’re crippled. And I say, I’m not crippled; I’m handicapped. And this was back in the early ’70s so the word disability wasn’t known yet. But I guess she always instilled in me, yes, I have a disability. But that’s not all you are. Use your mind.

The way Kim’s mother identified with her disability influenced the way Kim would develop identification with her disability. By helping her understand from a young age that, although she had a disability, she was not her disability, Kim’s mother provided her with the tools to reject negative stereotypes about

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who or what she was. Kim learned to use her intellect and independence as means for negotiating and mediating her interactions and lived experiences. I asked Kim to discuss ways her mother’s approach to her disability influenced the way she perceived herself. If I was bad or acting spoiled, you know, some parents would give in because the child has a disability and she can’t help that. But my mother didn’t ever give in because I had a disability. In fact she was tougher. I remember coming home from school . . . I got off the bus and my mother was walking back to our apartment and she was mad at me. She said, Why do you let someone put your shoes on the wrong feet? Your shoes are on the wrong feet. Don’t you know your left from your right? I can’t dress myself but she blamed me for having my shoes on the wrong feet. She said you should be able to tell people that it’s not on right. And she tells a story of my first physical therapist when I was—remember I told you I started when I was eight months old, and this therapist took my mom aside because my mom was 22 at the time, and she said whatever you do don’t spoil her because she has a disability. And I don’t know if I’m thankful for my physical therapist or not. Sometimes I wanted to be spoiled. I think I had a degree of personal responsibility, just you’re responsible; and sometimes I think I’m a Republican because I think hey, it’s my fault. Or I’m hard on other people because I think if they didn’t get what they want it’s their fault because they didn’t do such and such. Sometimes I think I’m too hard on people.

This excerpt revealed the impact of a paraprofessional on informing how people with disabilities are constructed. By focusing on Kim as a person, the physical therapist was instrumental in influencing how Kim’s mother proceeded in challenging prevalent essentialist discourses concerning her disability. Her mother’s persistence in developing a sense of independence in Kim enabled her to develop a strong will that affected her intrapersonal and interpersonal interactions. Although she needed assistance from paraprofessionals, Kim understood that this was just a requirement of her disability. However, Kim had interactions with other family members were not as supportive and positive. Well, my great aunt and my cousins. They still—well, all my great aunts are deceased now but they’re all treating me like a baby. Even when I got to be a teenager or young adult, I was always a baby.

80    Crises of Identifying They just talk to me very juvenile and talk about what boyfriends I had, just kidding, like just joking around. Who’s your boyfriend now? You know? At some point that should be inappropriate. I guess I gave into it because I was too afraid to stand up for myself. So I would act—they made me feel like I needed to act that age that they were treating me.

Unfortunately, her family participated in perpetuating and reiterating essentiality discourses regarding Kim’s disability. It was interactions and experiences like these within familial contexts that instigated crises of identifying for Kim concerning her race. I asked Kim if she had any thoughts about why these family members treated her the way they did, especially when she demonstrated that she was just as capable as they were if not more so. Well, I mean they thought that I had a disability but they said that a person with a disability can’t grow up to be an adult, to be an adolescent. They had views of people with a disability, handicapped people as being a perpetual baby who need to be taken care of. Yeah. I think they’re not used to people with disabilities; and we’re used to taking care of our own; we’re forced to take care of our own even in times of slavery—taking care of whether you had disability or not. And since you couldn’t work out in the fields the best thing for you to do is to treat you like a baby so you wouldn’t be angry at them. I could be wrong but that’s my theory.

It was interesting that Kim associated her family’s attitudes about her with slavery. It provided insight into how perceptions of slaves with disabilities as unproductive and useless by their family and owners may still influence interactions between Black families and family members with disabilities. Treating her like she was infantile could be a result of Kim’s family perceiving her needs for services and assistance as pitiful and naïve. Apparently, requiring assistance was misconstrued as a sign of helplessness or weakness. However, there were several family members that Kim had a positive relationship with. For instance, she had a very close relationship with her grandmother. My grandmother on my mother’s side, my maternal grandmother, I remember stories of her trying to get me to feed myself. She wanted me to feed myself but I never felt that I wasn’t good enough. I never felt that way.

I’m Not Crippled; I’m Handicapped    81 The toys that she gave me, one time she—probably because I asked for it—but she got me a miniature golf set. And you know with my hands, my mother would never buy me that because I would be dangerous with that in my hands. But she got it for me. She gave it to me but my mom goes, What are you crazy? I had two aunts; and the other one, she’s great. She is generous. She’s like my mother. She always treated me age appropriate. She never treated me like a baby when I was a child.

Kim showed how her grandmother did not allow her interactions with Kim to be defined by social and cultural constructions about what she was capable or incapable of. This motivated Kim to challenge herself by partaking of or participating in things that she would have been discouraged from doing. Kim’s mother was also influential in her identification development as an attractive sexual being. Kim was very open about discussing her sexuality and having boyfriends. When I was very young [five years old], my mother started teaching me about the birds and bees. She has a book that she read to me about how babies are made; and not only do they go for humans. I think humans were the last ones; but it went through chickens; it went through dogs; and they got to humans. Yeah. I guess she wanted to be very honest with me. She encouraged me to explore my sexuality. But it’s funny because when I got to be 11 or 12, even though she told me about the birds and the bees, she forgot. She left out the point that you had to be naked.

These experiences allowed Kim to develop a positive identification with herself as a sexual being. This identification was important, because along with being treated like babies, people with disabilities are often perceived as asexual or irresponsibly promiscuous. It was perceptions like these that often led to the sterilization of people with disabilities.

Kim: Crises of Identifying Within Schools Unlike the other participants, Kim attended different types of schools growing up. Okay. I went—first I went to the boarding school when I was three to five years old. Primarily because I needed intensive therapy and my mother needed to work. So this was a way for us to do what we needed to do.

82    Crises of Identifying And then in Philadelphia I went to a school for disabled children from five to eight years old. And then we came back to New Jersey and I went to another school—a day school, you know, for children with disabilities. And then I went back to the boarding school; And then I came home again and went to my neighborhood middle school.

Because she left home at such a young age to attend boarding school, I asked Kim about what impact she thought this had on her. She discussed how she felt that it helped her become more independent. I don’t remember—now looking back, I think it began to teach me how to separate from my mom, separate from my family. The school in Philadelphia played a big role in terms of my independence because it was a large—well everything seems large when you’re small. But it was pretty large. One level of the school was done with carpet, wall‑to‑wall carpeting; and I could walk. So I walked all over that school. I just had a good time. I was a safety patrol. I just had a good time.

Essentialist discourses concerning children with disabilities often influenced perceptions and assumptions about their inability to become independent, capable individuals. However, there were several educational institutions that developed children in ways that challenged these assumptions. However, because the student population at institutional schools was mostly White, this affected Kim’s interactions with Black people, which impacted her identification with Blackness. And I remember coming home on weekends and me developing a taste for or an ear for country music. I would hear it and I would say, I like this country song, or whatever and you know, all I wanted was to listen. Yeah. Because my care providers of the boarding school were mainly White; and they liked it. I then realize that I wasn’t supposed to like it when other people would make comments. When they made comments . . . when my family like would make comments . . .  But I did not know. I liked it. You don’t know you’re not supposed to like it.

By attending educational institutions for children with disabilities, Kim was able to develop her independence as well as a positive identification with her disability. However, contentions regarding race were exacerbated when

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she started to transition between mostly White educational contexts and all Black familial contexts. Kim discussed the effect of being alienated and ostracized by African American people within familial and educational contexts had on her perceptions of being Black. Again, I mean, I guess in high school I started realizing, Hey, it’s not my fault. And realizing, hey, that most of my babysitters, most of the people who were in our family and friends, most of my care providers were White; if not all were White. So I’d say of course I can’t help it, because look who’s assisting me. That’s why maybe it’s so easy to adapt their mannerisms because I didn’t feel any different. You know. I didn’t get a sense that I was any different.

Obviously, Kim developed a stronger identification with White paraprofessionals in relation to her disability. Because her experiences and interactions with were positive, Kim generally felt more comfortable being around White people than she did Black people. When she transferred to a school for children with disabilities closer to her home, the repercussions of her having mostly White caregivers became even more problematic for her. I came home to be with my mom in Philadelphia. She had taken a job in Philly and that was difficult now that I think about it. The school was great as in it was the best school for children with disabilities. But the kids were hard on me, because these disabled kids they grew up in the city; so I come in and didn’t talk street. I had a certain way of speaking; so I got it bad. So, it was hard.

Once Kim was transferred to an educational institution for children with disabilities that included more Black children, she started to experience crises of identifying in relation to her race and Black peers. Like King, Kim’s mannerisms and speech patterns contributed to her alienation and marginalization by her Black peers. In this educational context, her positive identification with her disability was not enough and her positive identification with White paraprofessionals was too much. When she went to a public school for the first time, Kim’s interactions and experiences in educational contexts became even more contentious. Now she was dealing with essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics in a public educational context, general and special education teachers, and students with and without disabilities. Kim’s discussion of these experiences ranged from the way teachers and other students interacted with

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her as a result of her disability to the effect transitioning to a public school had on her positive identification with herself as a female sexual being. When I was 13 or 14, I went to middle school—the first time I was mainstreamed in general ed classes in a public neighborhood school. The first example is my sex life went down the tubes once I was in mainstream school. I always had a boyfriend in school for disabled children. But I just had no problem with boys. And when I got into mainstream school, I still wanted the boys, but they were too afraid of what other people would think of them if they liked me. Of course I got some teachers who were leery about my ability to compete in public school; and I got some teachers that tried to deny me certain things that they were providing to the other children. I was the only one who had an assistant at that time in my grade. I think there were people who came behind me who had an assistant. But that was a barrier in terms of making friends. I used to like days when she was off because I would get to be on my own. Sure, it was hard for me trying to do things, but it was a chance for me to be on my own too.

Although she had difficulty in getting a boyfriend in public school, Kim’s identification with herself as an attractive sexual being remained positive. Her confidence and previous experiences with having boyfriends kept her from experiencing crises in relation to her attractiveness and sexuality even though it was harder for her to intimately connect with boys in public school. This was also the case with her disability. Negative interactions and experiences with general education teachers because of her disability did interfere with the positive identification she had with her disability. Nevertheless, there were some things that Kim learned at public school that would be valuable to her identification development. I had to go to a public school to get history about people with disability. Actually it was odd because in middle school they showed a movie about people with disability and they showed the movie about the independent living movement. It was how I had to go to a regular public school to get that history. But when I came home that day, I told my mama I wanted to go to California because that’s where the independent living movement began.

Unlike José, Kim’s general education teachers did include media and literature concerning people with disabilities in their curricula. Even though Kim had always interacted with people with disabilities in educational institutions as

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well as maintained a positive identification with her disability, it was at a public school that she learned about people with disabilities as activists and advocates.

Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts of Leadership Because of her mother’s diligence and commitment to her, Kim was provided with support and encouragement that contributed to her developing a positive identification with herself as a female with a disability. Her confidence, independence, and strong will were the source and a reflection of her leadership. However, as a result of interactions in familial and educational contexts, she spent years negotiating and mediating crises regarding her race and Black people. As she became more involved in activism and advocacy with her mother, Kim started to meet and develop positive relationships with African American people with disabilities. These relationships influenced her negotiation and mediation of her crises regarding her race, which led her to a better identification with Blackness. Being around my friends, I have girlfriends who are Black female and they— one has a physical disability and the other’s blind and just being around them develop me as a person; And the other person who’s blind and she’s Black—I don’t know; it’s like coming home—she reminds me coming home to comfortable Black people because I got to the point that I was uncomfortable around Black people.

By marrying an African American man, Kim experienced more positive interactions with Black people. Her exposure to her husband’s family had a significant impact on her identification development with Black people. I got married almost two years ago; and his family has a reunion every year where they discuss Black values; and I view it as not only coming together as family but coming together as a group of Black folks. And I never had that as a child. And I can feel myself getting stronger in that environment. Just feeling more comfortable around Black people, and if I can feel comfortable around my own people, that’s the only evidence that I’m getting stronger in my own skin. I guess I’m more tolerant of Black people now. I’m willing to at least give them a try.

Kim’s positive interactions with her husband’s family and her friendship with several Black people with disabilities started to challenge negative perceptions she had of Black people. This initiated her renegotiation and remediation of her negative interactions and perceptions of Black people.

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7 I Don’t Want to Be Seen in Public With You

Introduction: Meeting Starbucks 311 Starbucks 311 is a single African American blind female. Currently, she is a disability activist who works for the federal government. Starbucks 311 has a master’s degree in international relations. When Starbucks 311 and I first met we were at a disability studies conference. During our initial meeting, I remember noticing that she did not wear dark shades or a prosthesis to cover her blindness like many blind people I had met. This was my first indication of her confidence and independence as an African American blind woman.

Starbucks 311: Crises of Identifying Within the Family Interacting with Starbucks 311 was intense and exciting. She was frank and independent and had a strong will. There was never a boring moment when I was around her. Starbucks 311 commanded attention whether with some off-the-wall comment or the way she marched down the sidewalk. On July 2, 1973, Starbucks 311 was born. Like Kim, Starbucks 311 was an only child. I Crises of Identifying, pages 87–94 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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asked her did she know anything about how her parents reacted when they found out she was blind. They knew at six weeks. I was six weeks old when they figured it out. Her [mother] first reaction was, oh, no, I won’t be able to drive. I can’t tell you what my father said. I have no idea.

Unfortunately, Starbucks 311’s parents divorced when she was young and she no longer communicated with her father, which was probably why she did not know about his reaction to learning that she was blind. I then probed her for information concerning the way her parents and other family members interacted with her as a person with a disability. I mean like, my mother treated me very much like a normal kid. My grandmother didn’t. My father didn’t. My aunt sort of was in the middle. Well, when I was 10—well, up until I was—let’s say seven, we [my father and I] always hung out together. Like even when they got divorced, I still spent time with him. But gradually we stopped spending time together; and one day I asked why and he said something like, I don’t want to be seen in public with you.

Even though she spent a lot of time with her father when she was young, Starbucks 311 talked about how he became more distanced as she learned to adapt and adjust to her surroundings as a blind person. This involved her using prostheses or more visible mechanisms like a cane to get around. So it seemed that the more visible she became as a blind person, the less time he wanted to spend with her; the decrease in her ability to pass as normal marked the decline in her relationship with her father. Apparently, the increasing visibility of her blindness initiated crises of identifying for her father. Although Starbucks 311 was alienated by her father, she did develop a close relationship with her paternal grandmother. But their relationship was contentious. My grandmother tended to side with my father. Like, in other words, she was never mean, she was never—but she sort of thought that I was—that my mom was wasting her time on me. Like that I was hopeless, like I’d never be anything, you know? That was a turning point in her life because what she began to realize was that I might actually become something, you know? So she told my father that she was gonna—as long as she was breathing, she was gonna help my Mom out with me; and if he didn’t like it, he could leave her house.

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Initially, Starbucks 311’s grandmother participated in perpetuating and reiterating of essentialist discourses regarding her disability. She thought Starbucks 311’s quality of life was going to be dismal because of her blindness. However, as Starbucks 311 started to challenge her grandmother’s assumptions about her capabilities, her relationship with her grandmother changed for the better. Unfortunately, it was only when it seemed that she would overcome her disability that her grandmother started to think that she had potential. Starbucks 311 discussed how the influence of her mother’s support and encouragement helped her develop confidence and independence as a blind child. I think babies are curious by nature. If you inhibit that curiosity—if adults inhibit it, then they lose their desire to be curious. If you encourage it, then they are curious. And I think my mom encouraged it; and she made sure I didn’t, you know, like cause any real damage. But she let me run into stuff and crash and, you know, fall down and get mad; and well, because that eventually taught me that perhaps I shouldn’t run quite as fast; or I needed to find some way of knowing when to stop. Oh, man—I just spent lots of time outdoors and see when I was little, I used to think that my body was made of titanium. I mean, I wasn’t afraid of crashing, okay? If you’ll—if I crash, well then I crashed. So I crashed quite often, but that didn’t really bother me. I would just crash and okay, remember the—okay; perhaps I should do something different next time. But, I mean, it didn’t really stop me from doing whatever I wanted to do.

By giving her the freedom to do things on her own, Starbucks 311’s mother allowed her to not only explore her surroundings but also to explore and understand herself as a child with a disability. As a result, Starbucks 311 was able to define and develop her own expectations of herself instead of being pressured to conform to someone’s expectations. She was able to exceed social and cultural constructions that placed limitations or constraints on what she could or could not do. For instance, she discussed how her mother, at her behest, taught her how to ride a bike and play hopscotch. Overall, Starbucks 311’s mother made it possible for her to characterize her blindness instead of allowing her blindness to characterize her. Similar to Kim, Starbucks 311 experienced crises of identifying with Blackness and Black people.

90    Crises of Identifying Like—okay, when I tried to fit in, they sort of would say that I was talking White or something. They [family and friends] just thought I was this little White girl who walked around in brown skin. They used to tease me in good fun but they kind of just accepted it. I didn’t get the same teasing from them; they kind of just figured that that was me. What I will say is it’s generalities like in the case of Black people most of them were negative and few of them were positive. In the case of White people most of them were positive and some of them were negative. So like the majority of them were good. So even though there were some bad ones, there weren’t enough for me to change my mind; whereas it took me several decades to change my mind about my own people because so few of them were positive.

Starbucks 311 was marginalized and ostracized by Black people because she did not adhere to social and cultural constructions associated with acting Black. Once again, the impact of essentialist discourses in constructing the way people with certain identities behaved and acted was illustrated in Starbucks 311’s narrative. It also showed how Black people perpetuated and reiterated social and cultural constructions of their group by operating as gatekeepers in the marginalization and exclusion of members of the same group who did not conform to or characterize these constructions.

Starbucks 311: Crises of Identifying Within Schools Starbucks 311 spoke highly of the quality of education she received as a child. Because if you look at it, like how I was educated, I would say I was educated—okay, by the conventional standards, let’s say the standards that White America uses; I was educated very well. Like I had the best teachers; I had the best, you know, early intervention is what they call it now, which is just teachers coming into the home and teaching pre-skills like pre-Braille reading and pre—you know, just preparing a little baby. These days it includes using—teaching a little baby to use a cane as soon as they can walk. Back then there was none of that but there was still just the pre—just preparation stuff. Okay, I had the best teachers in the county; no arguing that; but they were White. There was, and there still is, there’s still a shortage of teachers of blind children; and there’s really a shortage of Black teachers of blind children.

Starbucks 311 recognized that her education as a blind person differed from traditional schooling. In addition, she was aware that the quality of

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education that was generally offered to Black children was different for White children. One similarity Starbucks 311 noted that did exist between her education and the typical education Black students received was that there was a shortage of Black teachers in both educational contexts. However, for Starbucks 311 this shortage instigated crises of identifying regarding her race and gender with her White teachers and/or White paraprofessionals. That’s a problem because these teachers, you don’t just see them say, let’s say from 8:00 to 3:00, normal school hours. These teachers come into your home, often you go with them into their homes. So you learn their culture. Now if you happen to be of their culture, that’s no problem. If, on the other hand, you then have to go back to another culture that could be a problem. A good example is when I learned to cook; my mother was not the one who taught me how to cook, okay? And when I got to a certain point, they said, Okay, what do you want to learn how to cook? Right? Which is a fair question, okay? I said, Fried chicken and collard greens. Now, I have to give it to them, they couldn’t cook it, but they tried. But I will tell you, eating their collard—made me—honest to God; I didn’t eat collard greens again for two years. They were miserable. Oh, my God. I don’t know whether they didn’t clean them; they didn’t season them; they didn’t something, but oh, my Lord. I mean, it would make you swear off soul food forever. But that’s an example. I mean, they had no—whereas most Black southerners, especially women, would have been able to say, This is how you cook them.

Starbucks 311 also talked about how she did not learn how to shop for and apply makeup that complimented her skin tone until she was in college. Before then, she was buying and wearing makeup that was more for the flesh tone of her White counterparts. This part of her narrative clearly demonstrated the discursiveness of essentialist discourse in constructing and conditioning Blackness. Because of her negative interactions with Black people because of the way she acted, Starbucks 311 had developed a negative identification with Blackness and Black people. However, this negative identification was not personification of her as a Black person inasmuch as it was a reflection of her experiences and interactions with Blackness and Black people. So even though she identified with Blackness and Black people negatively, this she did not view herself negatively as a Black person. As a matter of fact, she was very proud of being Black. But she was in an educational context that obviously was not culturally responsive or culturally considerate of her as a Black female.

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When she transitioned into a dual educational context that included both public school education and an institutional education for the blind, Starbucks 311 discussed the differences in her treatment and interactions within both educational settings. They expected me to do what everybody else did. They expected—I was just Starbucks 311. In middle school there was a gap because the teachers often, I was the first blind student that they had had. There are some teachers who had high expectations and some teachers who didn’t. And because people are people, you had some who were able to alter their expectations based on what they saw and you had some that weren’t. I mean, those were my teachers. Fortunately the teachers [in high school] that taught me the most often had pretty high expectations because they had had other blind students or they adjusted their expectations because they saw that I could do it. I had a couple of cases of discrimination, too, that I can remember, vividly, actually. All of these things are in 11th grade, okay? Miss S was in 11th grade. I had another teacher named Miss B who taught advanced placement history. She didn’t want me in her class; she didn’t want a blind student in her class, period, okay? First she said to me, I don’t want you in my class because I don’t want—my tests are confidential; and she didn’t want to have my Braille teacher Braille them. Then there was Miss Rael who taught advanced placement English. Now she—I didn’t have as much respect for Miss Rael because Miss Rael wasn’t straight-forward. She wanted to keep it under cover. We had to apply to get into AP English, okay? I applied; I was accepted. When she met me she tried to take it back.

Like Kim, Starbucks 311’s educational experiences exposed her to a range of interactions, paraprofessionals, and teachers. She recognized that the discrimination and negative attitudes she experienced from teachers was more about their struggles and crises of identifying with her that interfered with their ability to and/or made them disinclined to alter their expectations based on what they saw. However, Starbucks 311 did have teachers who disregarded social and cultural constructions about her as an African American blind female by being willing to renegotiate and remediate their erroneous perceptions about who she was and what she could do.

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Negotiating and Mediating Crises: Catalysts for Leadership Unlike José and Black Her Story, Starbucks 311 had more negative than positive experiences with identifying with Blackness. Her experiences and interactions within one context did impact her experiences and interactions within another context, especially when it came to being, acting, and representing Blackness. Nonetheless, Starbucks 311 did not give in to her negative identification with Blackness and Black people; she continued to renegotiate and remediate her crises of identifying regarding race until she was able better identify with Blackness. The Black community, well it’s getting better and I hope that by participating in my own community maybe one day it’ll get better and maybe one day I can teach something positive to my kids about my own culture. Because it is a sad state of affairs that I don’t want anything to do with my own culture. A couple of those things happened with a couple of different people that taught me, Hmmm, maybe all Black people aren’t so bad. Maybe my culture as a whole isn’t so bad. Maybe I could somehow incorporate my culture into the dominant culture.

Because she identified more with Whiteness and she exhibited mannerisms associated with Whiteness, Starbucks 311 felt that she better reflected the dominant culture. As her negative identification with Blackness and Black people started to change over the years, she began to negotiate and mediate an intrapersonal reconciliation between African American culture and White culture. This was another example of leadership personified. In another reference to negotiating and mediating race, gender, and disability within and between multiple contexts, Starbucks 311 indicated how contexts operated as gatekeepers in including and validating certain identities while marginalizing and oppressing others. I still participate in all of the communities because there’s a part of me that belongs to all of them and I hope there are a few people in my life that accept me for who I am. And the reason I continue to participate on all three fronts [e.g., race, disability, and gender] is that I never know who I’m going to encounter. The one advantage that participating on all of those three fronts has is that it gives me more options to meet people and encounter people who might accept me, few and far between though they are. And if I meet a couple then I will say that life is good.

94    Crises of Identifying I know that if anybody’s gonna make me happy it’s gonna have to be me, and therefore I have to have some clue as to how to do that. I need to know, you know, the latest in new note takers, I need to associate with people at least, let’s say, blind people—other blind people, to maintain my sanity. So that’s why I participate in the blind community. Now women, I’m a woman and well most of my friends are women so I participate in that community in that way.

Starbucks 311 talked about participating in separate communities that were reserved for certain identities; she said that she rarely experienced a context or community that involved all three fronts. She recognized and accepted mutuality, complexity, discursiveness, and contentiousness of her identities within educational and familial contexts. Ultimately, Starbucks 311 believed that it was her mission and responsibility to support and maintain a balance (albeit fragile) between and within her identities for her own health and sanity. Because I felt that this was a mission and responsibility that anyone and everyone who experienced crises of identifying was struggling with, we were all a reflection of leadership at its most fragile, vulnerable, and precious stage.

Pa r t

III

Significance of Research

I

n the first part of this book, I provided the epistemological, ontological, and theoretical underpinnings of this book, which were associated with my lived experiences of trying to attain essence. In Part II, I introduced the concept of intercontextuality as another dimension for exploring, examining, and/or understanding the complexity, discursiveness, and contentiousness of intersectionalities within and across multiple contexts (i.e., space that is physical, relational, situational, and/or abstract spiritual) in relation to lived experiences. This part included narratives that reflected the lived experiences of five African Americans with disabilities. Although this book explores and examines crises of identifying as a manifestation of intercontextuality, I have only scratched the surface of determining the possibilities, insights, and/or opportunities this dimension could provide. For the final part of this book, I focus on highlighting the significance of this research by discussing three themes that emerged from patterns across the narratives as well as providing concluding recommendations for teacher education programs and the fields of disability studies and special education.

Crises of Identifying, page 95 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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8 Emerging Themes

Introduction: Kindred Connections Throughout Chapter 8, I examine three themes that emerged across the five narratives. The themes emerged from patterns that were reflected in each narrative. The three themes are performance, identity hierarchy, and the contextuality of self. These themes represent kindred connections among the narratives. They also provide more insights into the influence of crises of identifying. Although the implications of these themes varied from narrative to narrative, they are significant in highlighting the impact of essentialist discourses and privilege and power dynamics on lived experiences.

Theme 1: Performance Performance was one of the first themes that emerged from the narratives. This term represented instances where the participants made conscious or subconscious decisions about how to interact with people in certain situations. I initially struggled with how to label this theme because it varied across the five narratives. Originally, I thought that this term was too broad, but then I realized that this was the whole point. I did not want to use a term that was so specific to the point that it limited my analysis of its presence Crises of Identifying, pages 97–111 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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within each narrative. Also, by using this more general term, I was able to avoid essentializing performance in my analysis. Therefore, my analysis of performance across the narratives includes various ways it was operationalized by the participants. King offered the most profound demonstrations of performance. In his experiences, performance was not just about acting Black but also about the social and cultural constructions associated with the label Blackness, which include their effect on his interactions in various social contexts. My master status is my Blackness, regardless of my cane. I mean, I’ll pull my cane out, I’m still gonna steal their purse, is what these people think. The world is so stuck on their stereotypes and the way that they have to use this card to interface with you. Regardless of whether I change or not, that’s how they’re going to be interfacing with me. So, why in the hell should I—it’s a difference. Why should I change who I am, in this individual meeting, to accommodate their script, unless I want to. So, now I have a choice in whether I negotiate that script or not, right? I don’t just automatically do it, ’cause I want to show them how good Black people are, right? I choose now. Just like invisible versus visible. So, if I’m choosing, I can choose whether I want to hook up into that script, you know? Here are the holes, and this is where I make up. And I know whether I want to play that game or not with them. And based on where they are and what kind of script it is, pretty much, I can work with it.

It was apparent that King’s discussions about his interactions were intense and insightful. These discussions highlighted how he believed that people referred to socially and culturally constructed scripts to inform and determine not only the way they performed but also the way they negotiated and mediated their encounters with certain identities within certain contexts. King talked how he would strategically use his awareness and understanding of these scripts to (re)inform the way he renegotiated and remediated his interactions with certain people in certain contexts. He decided or chose the degree to which he would perform or hook up into prevalent essentialist discourses or scripts that were being perpetuated and reiterated in his interactions. This allowed him to resist and disrupt prevalent socially and cultural prescriptions regarding his maleness, blindness, and/or Blackness. King’s experiences with people in these types of interactions particularly demonstrated the influence of essentialist discourses as well as power and privilege dynamics on the way people engaged each other. For example, King talked about how he felt that he was constantly faced with preexisting scripts that constructed Black males with disabilities as poor, thieving, unscrupulous deviants and sexual predators. Moreover, King demonstrated the

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influence of power and privilege dynamics during these interactions when he stated, I have a choice in whether I negotiate that script or not, right? I don’t just automatically do it, cause I want to show them how good Black people are, right? I choose now. Just like invisible versus visible. Power dynamics were illustrated in the way he manipulated, through performance, social and cultural scripts about his race, disability, and gender. Because of his awareness and understanding of how social and cultural scripts are perpetuated and reiterated, King was privileged in being able to use them to inform his negotiation and mediation of them at the same time they were being employed by the people involved to determine the way they interacted with him. Black Her Story’s involvement with performance was even more discursive, particularly in relation to her disability and her career as a photojournalist. Her passion for photography as a blind person required, on her part, a certain degree of performance concerning her ability to take beautiful photographs. In other words, taking pictures as a blind person was a representation of her performance as a photojournalist. Because I don’t believe that people necessarily have to see with their eyes. And I don’t always see with my eyes. I take negatives, I’m in the darkroom and I still print my own work. I look at stuff and I’m like, oh, I didn’t see that when I took the shot. So a lot of things have revealed themselves to me in the imagery itself while I was shooting. And I think a lot of it has to do with say that spiritual connectivity. And I really do believe that it is an exchange, a spiritual exchange between subject and self, so sometimes I know what I want to photograph. I don’t necessarily get that when I photograph and that’s because it’s not a unilateral thing. I’m not just standing there, holding that camera. There is a subject, and if it’s a live subject that is going to impact the outcome, even if I, say, stage my shot, arrange everything, okay? All it takes is a whisk of wind to displace one strand of hair. It might come straight across the nose or over an eye. That’s different than what I had anticipated, you know, and that’s just one example. There are so many examples. I think there’s some arrogance in the world of photography. Oh, I don’t take pictures. I make pictures. A lot of what I shoot is what my subject gave me. They have a voice in that, too, and I think that’s important to recognize.

Clearly, Black Her Story did not allow her blindness to deter her from photography. Black Her Story provided a reconceptualization of photography that involved not only interpersonal and technical acts of taking pictures but also intrapersonal and sensual interactions within and between the photographer and the image(s) and/or person(s). Ultimately, by tapping

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into other senses, Black Her Story was able to maintain and continue her performance as a photographer. However, José explained how negotiating and mediating contexts required performance. He discussed how the way you carry yourself varied from context to context. Yeah, I think all I said is that in both arenas [e.g., family and schools], you know, you learn how to play your role and how to go back and forth, you know? You learn at home, you know, who are you as a person and you also learn they—your parents tell you about what’s gonna happen out there. So you have—you’re grounded but once you get into an institutionalized culture you learn other factors on how to survive. Like in school you learn how to—yeah, how to talk in a way that you’re message is gonna get through, you know? You know? So that’s one thing I learned. The other thing I learned and the thing that affected me especially in institutions is the way you carry yourself, you know, the way you carry yourself. And the way that people, especially in institutions, people look at you by what you do, you know?

José revealed how performance was also associated with conformity. He discussed how Black people with disabilities were often pressured or conditioned to perform in certain ways in order to assimilate or conform to certain situations. This pressure to perform or conform in these situations was a result of essentialist discourses concerning normality and ableism. These discourse defined normal behavior as well as determined why, when, and/or how Black people with disabilities should act when occupying certain spaces. This was directly related to my lived experiences of feeling pressured to act right in certain interactions and contexts in order to pass (or situate myself within the dominant group). At this point, performance also characterized passing. Although José did not associate this illustration of performance with passing, it was evident that he used performance as a means to pass his disabled Black body off as civil and capable. Kim’s narrative also offered illustrations of performance. For instance, her exposure to mainly White paraprofessionals and caregivers as a young child impacted the way she interacted with White and Black people in both familial and educational contexts. She talked about how she was ostracized by Black people because she did not act Black, whereas White people seemed to be more inclusive towards her. Because, as I said before, all my care providers were White and they had me around them. When I was around Black folks I felt criticized because I

Emerging Themes    101 didn’t act Black. Okay? If I’m gonna be criticized I might as well stick with the people who don’t criticize me. Even though people said, You don’t act Black, but not one Black person represents every Black person. We all act slightly different and so I like to think that I represent a facet of my race. Because if I was around Black people I thought I was gonna get hurt. So I didn’t want to be around anymore. You know Black people, they’re critical. And part of the hurting, how can my own people treat me that way and White people treat me fine? I can tell by looking at someone who’s Black or White, but particularly Black, what kind of attitudes they might have even before they open their mouth. The way they hold themselves; the way they dress. I mean you’re not supposed to do that but I do that anyway and I have a good sense of sizing people up. And I try to avoid those types of people.

Kim’s revelations regarding performance were similar to King’s. She also indicated how essentialist discourses associated with being or acting a certain way was based on social and cultural constructions of Blackness and disability. Yet, whereas King utilized performance as a resource for renegotiating and remediating certain interactions, Kim avoided and distanced herself from Black people and interactions that she thought would result in her being ostracized or criticized. She demonstrated how essentialist discourses were by Black people to judge or critique her performance as a Black disabled female. In addition, like Black Her Story’s mother, Kim highlighted how marginalization and discrimination that resulted from essentialist discourses concerning disability, gender, and race were resisted as well as perpetuated and reiterated by members of the group they targeted to further marginalize and ostracize its own members. However, Starbucks 311’s mother felt that the only way to ensure that she received a quality education was to immerse her in a Eurocentric culture of learning, teaching, and—when considering her Black disabled body—performance. She, see, she kind of encouraged me to go the White way, actually. She wanted me speaking complete sentences. She encouraged the classical piano. She encouraged me to go to White folks’ houses. Well, part of it was just that she was part of segregation and she wanted me to have the best education possible, the best exposure to this stuff as possible. And to some degree I think she thought, and still thinks, that the White folk do a better job in terms of education.

102    Crises of Identifying No, because I was more into—I don’t know, as I told you, I don’t know why this is but I was much more concerned with pleasing my White friends and since they were pleased, I didn’t particularly care that the Black ones weren’t.

Like King and Kim, Starbucks 311 was ostracized and marginalized by Black people for deviating from performances that characterized or essentialized Blackness, disability, and gender. In Kim and Starbucks 311’s narratives, it was apparent that Black people were overt or blatant in their critique of their performance as Black disabled women. I probed them to explore if any of their experiences with White people could have included subtle forms of marginalization and discrimination. Although they both admitted that there were instances where they were discriminated against by White people because of their race, disability, and/or gender, they were reluctant to essentialize and generalize these interactions with White people to the White population as they tended to do with Black people. Nonetheless, all five narratives included some indication of performance as an avenue to negotiating and mediating social contexts.

Theme 2: Identity Hierarchy Unlike performance, the term identity hierarchy was chosen for its specificity. In other words, it was chosen because it highlighted exactly what I was attempting to label. This theme was particularly significant in illustrating the role essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics played in informing the way the participants perceived and identified with their race, gender, and/or disability within and between familial and educational contexts. For King, identity hierarchy was represented in the way he made decisions about why, when, and how to interact in different contexts. It particularly informed the way he perceived himself as a Black disabled male in relation to the way others perceived his Blackness, maleness, and blindness. King talked about how his Blackness was the master determinant of how, why, and when people interacted with him in certain situations. But I can say that my Blackness is the dominant—my Blackness is overarching controller of my identity. Now, before I got married and had kids, it was the arching controller. Now, my manhood is the—my Blackness and my manhood, my Blackness sort of moved into the distance. My manhood sort of, machismo, moved into the distance, and my blindness became something that I had to definitely be aware of more, ’cause I had to account for the ways that it would affect me in relation to my children.

Emerging Themes    103 Now, it’s really weird, because as a Black man, they already see me. There’s no question, that’s what they see first. The cane—I mean, if you were thinking about what the process is, the first thing they’re going to recognize is this is a Black person. The second thing they’re going to recognize is that he has a cane. But before that cane becomes manifested in mind, and files are accessed to look it up, they’ve already pulled up this template that they’re going to use to interact with me, based on my Blackness. As they’re setting it down on the table, somebody says, Hold on. Wait a minute. Wait. There’s a cane too. A cane? Well, wait. Let me pull out my disabled—here’s my blind man thing, and they’ve got these two tablets in their hands, and they don’t fit. What do they do with them? So, I’m thinking—I’m thinking that when we go, when I start to pull my cane out, all of a sudden, it transforms my master status from a Black man to, shit, what is that? And that’s the words that go through people’s heads. It causes them dissonance. All of a sudden, they’ve had this, you know, you enter the scene, and they know how to deal with you based on some tip that they have in their head about, you know, about how you relate to somebody who fits this description, right? So, there’s a communication failure. You’ve got this script, starting with somebody who looks like this, but all of a sudden, they change the script, and they don’t know what to do. So, I think the moment of confusion, what are they going to fall back on? The moment of confusion, I’m still a Black man, but still, their personal templates are disrupted.

King defined his race as the master status of his identities because he felt that it was the first thing people noticed about him. He also illustrated how essentialist notions of performance concerning Blackness, blindness, and maleness were disrupted when social and cultural templates or scripts that people referenced for information concerning these identities failed to offer adequate guidance or guidelines on how to negotiate and mediate them when they all showed up at the same time within the same person. This disruption instigated crises of identifying for the people who were trying to determine how to interact with him. Also, King’s interactions showed how identities were often viewed separately and disjointed insomuch so that when a person possessed multiple identities, people became confused and disoriented by these identities’ intersectionalities, especially since prevalent social and cultural scripts essentialized identities individually and not intersectionally. Black Her Story shared a conceptualization of identity hierarchy that pertained more to her senses rather than her identities. However, her discussion of which sense she would choose to lose or sacrifice provided some insight into her participation in identity hierarchy.

104    Crises of Identifying Okay, the perceptions of myself that are constant are that there’s a lot of power within me to do whatever it is that I want to do, to negotiate my path. I think that I’ve always just look at okay, all right, oh well, so it goes. You know? That’s how it is, and this is my life. It works for me. Other people are like oh, no, I wouldn’t want to lose any of my senses, and we’ve even had the discussion okay, well, of the five senses if you had to lose one sense, which one would you want to lose first? I’m like, geesh, if I had to lose one sense first, I don’t know, maybe the sense of touch. Maybe, I don’t know, because, I like smelling food. It’s nice to be able to smell things burning, too, you know? Hearing is important but then there are things to help people hear so that wouldn’t be, like, the end of the world. The vision thing well, I’m seeing pretty well with my low vision so life goes on. Hear, smell, touch. Taste, oh, no; food, man, no. Umm hmm.

When I reviewed this part of Black Her Story’s narrative I realized that she did not view her senses in relation to or as indicators of her identities. More specifically, it seemed that she did not understand that her senses or their impairments were associated with social and cultural discourses regarding her usefulness, including the degree to which she was able to be a productive democratic citizen. In other words, if any one of the senses was impaired or disabled, such as sight, the usefulness of the person to the betterment of society would be redefined in relation to their disabled sense(s). Therefore, when Black Her Story provided a hierarchy of her senses, I felt that this hierarchy could also be a reflection of how she hierarchized identities in relation to disabilities. José, however, discussed identity hierarchy on a more social level. He challenged social and cultural constructions of disability as something to overcome or get the best of. He particularly highlighted how media and literature regarding Black men with disabilities and their experiences were rarely mainstreamed or publicized other than portraying them as criminals, and/or violent. Therefore, as a Black man with a disability, José took it upon himself to hunt down resources that positively represented Black men with disabilities. It was like, pity kind of language and overcoming, you know; and for me it’s like, how can you overcome your identity? You know, it’s like overcoming Blackness. You just can’t do it. You can’t hide your Blackness. You can’t hide your disability. Society can overcome racism—you can’t overcome being Black or being disabled. People try to say, Oh, you’re overcoming your disability. You know, Do you fight your disability? I was like, No. I’m a Black, disabled man. You know, don’t skip any words. You know, I think last time I said is that the reason why we don’t know our history of being Black and disabled because it’s not out there. You

Emerging Themes    105 know, it’s not on TV. It’s not in mainstream books. You have to search for the stuff that I got. Because they don’t see this way as a way of living. You know, I mean, they only see it as the medical model—fixing it. You know, peeking around with it. So, that’s what they always want to say, overcome or, you know, despite of his disability, you know, he does blah, blah, blah, blah. You know? And it’s so funny. If you can compare Superman to Curtis Mayfield and those two had similar stories. They weren’t able-bodied. They got in an accident and became disabled. Those two followed a total different life. Curtis Mayfield was like, you know, this is my life now. You know, where Superman wanted to cure everybody, you know, so—you know?

I thought that the connection José made between Curtis Mayfield and Superman was very interesting. Curtis Mayfield was a musician mostly known for his production of the soundtrack to the movie Superfly. He became a paraplegic when a rig fell on him during a concert. Curtis Mayfield’s and Christopher Reeve’s identification with being paraplegic was very different. Whereas Christopher Reeve’s identification with his disability was as an obstacle that he needed to overcome and/or cure, Curtis Mayfield’s identification with his disability was as an accident that redefined and/or expanded who he was. José and I also had an interesting discussion about the Superman character, itself, in relation to Curtis Mayfield; and how society’s celebration of Superman’s abnormalities reflected and symbolized Marxist theories as well as the influence of power, privilege, and essentialist discourses on the way this character was “branded.” José not only provided a profound reconceptualization of the Superman character as a disabled person but also challenged essentialized and mainstreamed representations of Superman as powerful and the epitome of the ideological White, able-bodied, normal, heterosexual, intelligent male. According to José, Superman’s abnormalities were perceived as superhuman that were useful for and beneficial to society, whereas Curtis Mayfield’s abnormalities were designated as subhuman that served no purpose in bettering society. But, if one examined Superman in relation to essentialist discourses, he was actually disabled in the sense that his abilities were considered unnatural and abnormal. He was like favorite freak; a striking spectacle that was revered and feared by those who were normal. In other words, Superman’s identities, including his abnormalities, were socially and culturally constructed with a higher status than Curtis Mayfield’s. Apparently, essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics instigate competition between and the hierarchy of identities, including the people they characterize, by determining who was heard or seen, when they were heard or seen, and why they were heard or seen.

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Kim also provided interesting illustrations of her experiences with identity hierarchy. One of these experiences involved her interactions with some peers at one of the boarding schools she attended as a child. I guess in that school I learned that there’s a lot of boys and discrimination if you don’t see it. They didn’t have—they could control their muscles. And my best friend was paralyzed from the waist down and the other friend had more limb movement but like every couple fingers missing. They [the boys] were more normal. And they spoke normal; so we were in school with people with disabilities of all different levels. Well, with [this] example, not only did I realize there were hierarchies in disability but also with me having a speech impairment and also not being able to talk street that had a double impact on me during friendships. Because I was—me and this other girl were having—of us we were the most significantly involved children with disability. I’m not gonna say in the whole school but in our grade. So I guess with me having more significant disability it means that you know, they didn’t accept me. My friends didn’t. Friends? How could they be your friends if they don’t accept you?

In this excerpt, Kim showed that even among people with disabilities there was an identity hierarchy. Although everyone at the boarding school had a disability, they hierarchized their disabilities, which only served to marginalize and alienate people with certain disabilities. This illustration of identity hierarchy targeted disability more than identity per se. Although I was aware that people experienced disability, even those with the same disability, in different ways, I was not surprised that essentialist discourses and privilege and power dynamics had managed to permeate Kim’s and her peers’ perception of and interaction with each other. This was demonstrated in the way different identities associated with different disabilities were perceived in competition with each other. In particular, this competition represented the impact of normative discourses on providing certain identities with more social and cultural capital than others. For instance, at Kim’s boarding school, disability identities were hierarchized not so much by the degree of one’s disability but by the degree of one’s ability. Therefore, the disabilities that were less visible and more normal were of a higher status than those that were not. Starbucks 311 also provided several fascinating insights into identity hierarchy. She varied from hierarchizing identities in relation to social and cultural constructs to hierarchizing identities in relation to their usefulness as a commodity.

Emerging Themes    107 Okay, let’s recognize that I’m Black. It’s recognized that I’m blind, they [White peers] were willing to recognize that I’m blind, and the fact that I’m Black kind of got lost in the shuffle because it didn’t—I didn’t make a big deal that it wasn’t recognized. They certainly weren’t going to because they weren’t Black. And as a result, it kind of got crushed in the shuffle, I think. Well, I think it changed for America first. In other words the recognition that okay, there is a market to be had for Black things, i.e., Black hair care products, Black this, Black that. That was a revolutionary change in America first. Then somehow it filtered down to me. Like, wait a minute; I think maybe with like my [White] friends and stuff like that, and I feel that while I was, you know, I could speak their language and I had their culture, I still wasn’t completely them. There was some aspect of me that wasn’t them. Hmm . . . what might that be? Just exploring, all right, well there’s got to be some more of me floating around. Maybe not too many, but some more of me somewhere and our type is just as Black as the next person. I mean, if you’re judging Blackness based on one’s skin, I’m just as Black as the next person. So then how come I can’t be recognized as such?

Similar to José, identity hierarchy as demonstrated by Starbucks 311 was concerned with how certain identities and the degree to which their usefulness were defined as valuable and worthy in relation to other identities. For example, she talked about how initially products for African American women were not seen as a valuable commodity because African American women were not considered or targeted as valuable customers until social and cultural constructions about Black women shifted and began to gain some level of power and privilege as a viable market. As a result, these identities attained some level of social and cultural status not in and of themselves but because they were deemed by our capitalistic society as money-generating, commodities. This demonstrated the influence of essentialist discourses and privilege and power dynamics in informing who and what was represented including why, how, and when it was marketed or mainstreamed. Once again, the role of competition (and capitalism) in reconstructing and hierarchizing commodities (e.g., hair care products) that represented certain identities (e.g., Black women) as valuable.

Theme 3: The Contextuality of Self The theme associated with the contextuality of self is also influenced by privilege and power dynamics and essentialist discourses. This theme illustrated the discursiveness of self in relation identities and contexts. Throughout the

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five narratives, the contextuality of self highlighted the subjectivity of self within certain contexts and between certain identities. According to King, his self or core was contextually defined by his different roles and identities in various contexts. He discussed extensively what this entailed. I mean, you know, what is in that core? Dad is in that core. I will—Dad will be attentive enough to his kids such that he knows when they’re acting out; why they’re acting out . . . . So, what’s in that core is that kind of attention to detail, that kind of open-mindedness. There’s the professional interface part of what’s in that core. There’s the how you deal with White people in the wider society, and Black people, and Asians, et cetera, that’s in that core. Who am I to them, you know? The discipline that I bring to the table of myself, the professionalism that I step through with, the honorableness that I come with, the mutual respect and dignity that I come with. So, I mean, I guess the core is [also] that social strength that enables you to move through things. And so then, I don’t waste time dealing with is this true. I spend time saying what is the source of this? And what’s the motivation for having this there? But this core is not going to change. I mean, I think that it will change if I continue to have to encounter that stuff.

King provided insights into how his self was contextualized in the intersections of the different spaces he occupied as well as the multiple roles he played in his life. Because these spaces and roles are constantly changing, the contextuality of King’s self was fluid. However, this fluidity was not a reflection of instability but rather an indication of his social strength . . . to move through things or his continuous renegotiation and remediation of his experiences and identities as filtered through his self. Interestingly, because King’s self contextually conformed to various contexts, roles, and identities, conformity in this case was not marginalizing and oppressive but inclusive and embracive. Black Her Story offered a profound representation of the contextuality of self through a collage of images. By using photographic images to imagine self, she provided a portrait collage of herself that was abstract but a reflection of her experiences as a photographer and an African American blind woman.

Emerging Themes    109 And in one of my classes where only my professor knew at that point that I was blind, we had to do a self-portrait . . . .I made a collage and sometimes I wear my hair tied up and it’s sort-of shaped like, if you look at the side of my face, it looks like the continent of Africa. So anyway I did this and so let’s see—my nose was like the horn of Africa, right? And my eye—I had all sorts of things, images that I had photographed in Africa of war veterans in Ethiopia, for instance, in wheelchairs and on crutches; so I put all of that in there. Images of women carrying things on their head, you know, selling fruit to—banana, dried fish, what have you; scenes, nature scenes. All of this stuff and I put them, first of all, around, all around the exterior as—and then I started to fill in, you know, a little bit but I didn’t fill in much. But what I did was I put something here, over there— and it was a profile so it was my right side facing the view, so my eye was covered and I put—I think I put a photograph of myself in my eye.

Black Her Story presented an illustration of the contextuality of self through an abstract image of herself that included contextualized representations of her experiences and interactions with people with disabilities throughout the world. However, not only did Black Her Story’s abstract self portrait illustrate the contextuality of her self, it also represented the globalization of her self. Through the collage, Black Her Story showed how the contextuality of her self was a reflection of the advocacy and activism she participated in against oppression and discrimination throughout the world. Ultimately, Black Her Story offered a discursive contextuality of self that globalized as well as positioned her self (although abstractly) within social, cultural, and global systems of oppression and discrimination. José, however, represented self as contextually determined by information and knowledge. Whereas King and Black Her Story focused on people and interactions, José discussed how resources, research, and critical thinking influenced his contextual self. Although he did not directly refer to the self per se, José indicated several times throughout his narrative how activism, conducting research, and using various resources throughout his life had developed his ability to critically think about social and cultural issues concerning people of color with disabilities. He revealed how utilizing resources and activism contributed to developing and informing his frame of reference for understanding his self and himself as a disabled Black man. This continuous redefinition of his position as a Black disabled man through his interactions and resources characterized the contextuality of José’s self in relation to his identity as and identification with being a disabled Black man. I think what changed is when I get more information on what’s out there and more role models—but in that and how that changes me—it gives me

110    Crises of Identifying more confidence and I think more understanding, you know, and just that there’s nothing wrong with being Black and disabled, you know? I got history. I got culture. I got all these, you know, but for me changing it is like turning on [or denying] being the Black and disabled man that I am, you know? And that’s gonna be here until I die. You know? Well, I said that this country is almost schizophrenic because this country tells you that you have to be a certain way and you grow up in a certain culture, especially if you’re Black or you’re a person of color. And so you’re growing up, you know, you’re chilling and once you get into school it’s like, boom, a totally different other color culture. So it’s just like cutting your, cutting you down and down and down the middle. You know, it’s like two people and that’s—it’s—you know, and I can’t—this is just the way of the world. And then the most successful people can’t organize. But it is schizophrenic, you know?

José demonstrated that although self was defined through interactions and experiences, it could be (re)informed and resituated by activism, resources, research, and critical thinking. Of course, this placed all the responsibility on the interested party to obtain adequate and positive information and knowledge concerning people of color with disabilities. Overall, José’s experiences not only implicated the contextuality of self in relation to knowledge and information but also how they were used as tools in enabling the self to renegotiate and remediate lived experiences. By urging people with disabilities not to become totally dependent on assistance or one source for information, Kim contextualized self by associating the independence of one’s self, including its ability to adjust and adapt in various situations, to the independence of being able to make decisions about the quality of her life. I would like to get it across to someone that they can have the life they want. The life they dreamed of. They could be independent. They don’t have to be as dependent as they are on their folks. They can make decisions. They can go out on their own. There’s a whole bunch of resources out there they can tap into. Just try it and see. Just try it. Yeah. I’m always teaching people what I can and cannot do.

Like José, Kim engaged the contextuality of self by recognizing the significance of resources in allowing the self to be independent. Because different resources provided different levels of independence, this represented the contextuality of self in relation to levels of independence. Although Kim did not directly refer to her self in her narrative, she did provide several indications of her perception of self. It was apparent that contextualizing

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self through independence was a means through which Kim empowered her self (and herself) to resist oppressive and marginalizing perceptions regarding her capability in rationally determining and participating in her own life and society as a Black disabled woman. With Starbucks 311, the contextuality of self was depicted in relation to its diverseness, which possibly made it hard to for all of self to be accepted, embraced, and included by one person within one context. Starbucks 311 discussed how she rarely experienced a context that included or acknowledged all of her identities. We both talked about discrepancies between the way we experienced and negotiated, and mediated our self within and between certain contexts. In her narrative, Starbucks 311 gave voice to the impact of these discrepancies on the way she interacted with different people within various contexts. I never felt completely part of anybody’s world. I still don’t. I always tell people I belong to a couple of different groups like I’m a member of the blind community, the Black community and the female community. Neither one of them does a good job of addressing all of my needs—none of them. I mean, I’m down on the Black folk but the truth of the matter is the blind folk don’t do a very good job of addressing me as a Black person. I couldn’t have told you that as a kid, but I can tell you that now because no matter how you—whether you say it’s going between, you know, three different worlds, if, you know, people don’t accept all of you it’s—all of that creates different—it’s like cutting up one piece—one pie, into a zillion pieces. And no matter how you put the pie back in the pan, you can still see the divisions. You can never fully meld that pie back together. You’re always gonna see the slice marks. To know that somebody can’t take all of you, it’s an indescribable feeling. I mean, it makes me compartmentalize myself, sort of divide myself up.

Although she did not directly mention the self, it was conveyed in her explanation of how contexts vary in excluding and marginalizing identities, particularly those associated with her gender, disability, and race. For example, where one context would involve interactions that empowered and embraced her Blackness, another context would involve interactions that ostracized and/or marginalized Starbucks 311 because of her Blackness. For Starbucks 311, contextuality of self was basically indicated by the multiplicity of self as a result of contextual exclusion and marginalization. Overall, Starbucks 311’s conceptualization of the contextuality of self exposed the role of essentialist discourses in creating contextual parameters or barriers that included and embraced certain identities over others. At this point, the contextuality of self intersected with aspects of performance and identity hierarchy.

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9 Conclusions and Recommendations

Introduction: Restating the Purpose of the Research The purpose of this book was to research how five African Americans with disabilities constructed and gave meaning to their lived experiences (as reflected in their narratives) of being Black, female or male, and disabled within familial and educational contexts. This involved examining the impact of essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics including how they instigated crises of identifying. Considering the overrepresentation of students of color, there was a need to research how these crises not only could serve as catalysts for leadership but also how they influenced and/or were a result of intrapersonal and interpersonal interactions within and between students, teachers, administrators, families, and schools.

Revisiting the Narratives The first narrative involved King’s experiences of being an African American male with a disability within familial and educational contexts. With his family being one of only two Black families in an all-White suburban community, he had several experiences of feeling and being alienated within his family and educational contexts. Because race was not often a topic of Crises of Identifying, pages 113–133 Copyright © 2013 by Information Age Publishing All rights of reproduction in any form reserved.

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discussion in his family’s household, he did not confide in his parents or his older brother about conflicts he was having concerning his race and disability in schools and other contexts (i.e., space that is physical, relational, situational, and/or abstract/spiritual). During his young adolescent years when he was diagnosed with an eye disease that stemmed from Retinitis Pigmentosa, King avoided wearing UV shades as a prosthetic in protecting his eyes. His resistance was a result of being teased and ostracized at school as a young child for being, according to him, “fat, Black, and blind.” In addition, as a military man, King’s father adopted the colorblind concept and rather emphasized behaviors such as speaking properly as a significant reflection of a person’s character. This, along with race, contributed to crises in King’s experiences and interactions with both White and Black people. For instance, King had a difficult time getting Black females to date or engage him because he was perceived as acting and/or being White. Nevertheless, King strongly identified with his Blackness. Ironically, speaking properly became the tool through which he remediated and renegotiated his Blackness in relation to himself as well as others in various contexts. Ultimately, processes of negotiation and mediation themselves became the means through which King mediated and negotiated crises of identifying concerning race, gender, and disability within and between familial and educational contexts. The experiences of Black Her Story within familial and educational contexts in the second narrative differed from that of King. First, she had a very close and nurturing relationship with her father. Although she thought highly of her mother, Black Her Story referred mostly to her father throughout her narrative. Because many of her family members were nearsighted, it seemed that she did not experience crises of identifying when she was diagnosed with a form of Retinitis Pigmentosa. However, she did reveal that her family tried to treat her with kid gloves when they found out about her blindness. Black Her Story talked about how she dissuaded them from doing this by not claiming blindness. This was even more crucial considering her passion for photography. Yet, by reconceptualizing photography as not just a technical or artistic skill but a method of sensually engaging with other people or her surroundings, Black Her Story diffused crises concerning her ability to continue to engage her passion of photography due to her blindness. Ableist norms regarding blindness not only constructed her crises of identifying and her mediation and navigation of them but they also recapitulated them. Nevertheless, there were instances in educational settings where she was discriminated against because of her race and gender. Black Her Story was diligent about receiving a quality education despite efforts to demote

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her to a lower academic track. Unfortunately, these efforts were more in response to her challenge of and resistant to inequitable classroom practices as a Black female than her intelligence. In addition, although she was not diagnosed until she became an adult, Black Her Story discussed tensions and the awkwardness she felt because of her nearsightedness as a young child during read aloud. But even during these instances, because nearsightedness was common in her family, she did not feel alienated or alone. Besides, she overcompensated by being diligent in demonstrating her intelligence in other areas so that her struggles with reading aloud would not be mistaken by her teachers and peers as a reflection of her intelligence. As a longtime disability activist, José was a fighter from the day he was born. He was the third narrative, and the one that defied every medical prediction that was provided to his parents concerning the quality of his life as a person with cerebral palsy. That is because the medical establishment did not consider the person with the disability; they just focused instead on the disability itself. He walked; he talked; he thought; and he fought. Fortunately, José had parents and family members who encouraged and supported him in striving to reach his highest potential. Since his father was a Black Panther and his mother was an activist as well, it was no wonder that José’s identification development with his Blackness did not involve crises within the familial context. In addition, his parents were adamant about him receiving a quality and equitable education. They were some of the first parents to sue a school district in the state of Connecticut in order for him to be mainstreamed into regular classrooms and also to be provided an aide while at school. José felt like this was a blessing in disguise because he was intelligent enough for regular classrooms, but he hated that he had to leave his brothers and sisters of color back in special education. Yet, even when he transitions into regular classrooms, José found that curricula and practices were very Eurocentric, especially when it came to his history classes. Therefore, he became very active in challenging his teachers to be more inclusive of other perspectives and culturally relevant. Interestingly, José talked about how lack of exposure to and representation of role models within both familial and educational contexts concerning disabled Black men encouraged him to seek literature and information that reflected the experiences and lives of these men. Unlike the aforementioned participants, Kim provided a narrative that highlighted her negative identification development with Blackness. In the fourth narrative, she talked about how she attended several boarding schools and a couple of public schools as a child with cerebral palsy. Because the boarding schools were mainly for children with disabilities and in-

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cluded mostly White paraprofessionals, her educational experiences within those schools were different from her educational experiences at public schools. Unfortunately, because she was repeatedly ostracized and painfully marginalized by people of her own race, Kim experienced crises of identifying with Blackness. However, it was not just within educational settings that she was ostracized. Some of her family members did so as well. Although her mother and grandmother accepted and were receptive of her, her father and his family were not. Kim talked about how she tried to maintain a relationship with them but her efforts were never reciprocated. Nonetheless, there were some maternal family members who treated her in a degrading manner because of her disability. She talked about how they constantly treated her like a baby. Although one would think that these experiences of alienation within educational and familial contexts would have instigated crises of identifying with her disability, they did not. She instead developed a negative identification with Blackness. However, once she became involved in an organization that focused on issues concerning African Americans with disabilities and later married an African American man, Kim began to remediate and renegotiate her experiences with Black people in order to attempt to address and reconcile her negative identification development with Blackness. Last, but definitely not least, Starbucks 311 provided the fifth narrative. Similar to Kim she had a negative identification development concerning Blackness. She discussed how most of her experiences of being a Black disabled person were more positive around White people than around Black people. As a blind person, Starbucks 311 had a mutual dualistic education where one concentrated on her functioning as a blind person and the other one focused on academics. Starbucks 311 illustrated in her narrative how the two differentiated as well as the role each played in her identification development with her disability, gender, and race. For instance, because most of the teachers or paraprofessionals who taught her about living with blindness were White, tasks as simple as cooking certain food and shopping for makeup initiated crises of identifying between her and these teachers. On the other hand, some of the teachers at the public schools she attended discriminated against her because of her disability despite her high intelligence. Like Kim’s mother, Starbucks 311’s mother embraced and accepted her disability as well as encouraged her independence, whereas her father did not. In other words, Starbuck 311’s mother engaged and focused on her as a person with a disability, not just on the disability. Her mother’s support and love were instrumental in emotionally and spiritually assisting her in negotiating and mediating crises of identifying that arose concerning her gender, disability, and race in both educational and familial

Conclusions and Recommendations    117

contexts. However, unlike Kim, Starbucks 311 eventually developed a relationship with her paternal grandmother that she really cherished. Overall, the educational contexts for both Starbucks 311 and Kim provided more positive experiences of being Black women with disabilities than the familial context. According to Eiesland (1994), . . . group oppressions are enacted in this society not primarily in official laws and policies but in informal and often unnoticed, unreflective speech, bodily reactions to others, conventional practices of everyday interactions and evaluations, aesthetic judgments and jokes, images, and stereotypes pervading mass media. (p. 92)

This quote recognized how subtle and nuanced aspects of interactions discursively operated to discriminate against and oppress certain people. These interactions became even more complicated and conflicted as a result of embedded essentialist discourses associated with certain identities, particularly disability, race, and gender. For instance, King discussed how the way he spoke influenced the way people interacted with him. He felt that both Black and White people’s reaction to the way he spoke was an indication of socially and culturally constructed scripts or templates that supposedly informed the way Black people spoke and acted. Black Her Story also demonstrated how essentialist discourses influenced the way she was perceived, especially as a photojournalist. She showed how photography was more than taking pictures using sight. Because of similar experiences from the other participants, three themes emerged within and across the participants’ narratives.

Unpacking the Themes Performance was one the themes that emerged from patterns that arose across the five narratives. Originally, I thought about referring to this theme as performativity instead of performance. However, I felt that poststructuralist feminist Butler’s (1993) concept of performativity as a specific modality of power as discourse failed to address how performances in and of themselves determined or could be determined by modalities that characterize performativity, including how performativity was subconsciously or consciously utilized to remediate and renegotiate multiple identities in various contexts. Besides, Butler limited her discussion of performativity mostly to gender identities and gender politics, which basically constrained and essentialized the concept of performativity to just gender identities.

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In her discussion of performativity, Butler (1993) reveals . . . for discourse to materialize a set of effects, ‘discourse’ itself must be understood as complex and convergent chains in which ‘effects’ are vectors of power. In this sense, what is constituted in discourse is not fixed in or by discourse, but becomes the condition and occasion for further action. This does not mean that any action is possible on the basis of a discursive effect. On the contrary, certain reiterative chains of discursive production are barely legible as reiterations, for the effects they have materialized are those without which no bearing in discourse can be taken. (p. 187)

Although I acknowledged that the people in this research used performativity, they did so as avenue for negotiating and mediating their crises of identifying, which indicated the effects of power dynamics in navigating identification development issues in certain contexts. Furthermore, although Butler recognized the pervasiveness and discursiveness of power, she examined how performativity, informed by essentialist discourses embedded in social and cultural constructions, was itself used in interactions and contexts to perpetuate and reiterate certain power and privilege dynamics in marginalizing and oppressing certain identities. In other words, not only did people engage performativity, but also performativity was used to engage people. For instance, King’s explanation concerning the roles of social and cultural constructs and/or scripts in determining and informing the performativity of people’s interactions with him as a Black man with a disability and how he would disrupt these scripts by performing in certain ways was an illustration of how his performances allowed him to renegotiate and remediate performativities that were being used to marginalize and/or ostracize him. It was these nuances between performance and performativity that helped me choose the contextuality of performance over the particularity of performativity. Although all of the participants proudly identified as Black, disabled, and female or male, all of them experienced, at one point or another, crises in identifying with one or more of these identities. These crises were revealed especially through identity hierarchy. This theme emerged particularly in relation to patterns indicating the influence of discourses of privilege, power, ableism, and normality on the participants’ perceptions of Blackness, disability, and/or femaleness or maleness. One of the recurring patterns associated with this theme related to Karl Marx’s (1972, 1977) concept of use-value (i.e., usefulness) and exchange-value (i.e., exchangeability).

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According to Lin (2001), social capital in its various forms and contexts was one of the most emergent and salient forms of capital. This theory demonstrates how capital was captured in social relations and how its capture highlights cultural constraints and opportunities as well as actions and choices on the part of the individuals involved. All of the participants demonstrated that social and cultural capital was contextual and competitive and that it costs to be male or female, disabled, and/or Black in certain contexts. In other words, social and cultural capital regarding race, gender, and disability was conceptually, contextually, and competitively hierarchized by essentialist discourses associated with ableism, normality, power, and privilege. When considering Linton’s (1998) definition of ableism as “the idea that a person’s abilities or characteristics are determined by disability or that people with disabilities as a group are inferior to nondisabled people” (p. 9), possessing social and cultural capital was particularly important for the quality of life of people with disabilities. As a matter of fact, Linton indicated that social and disability activism and advocacy against social and cultural constructs that were informed by the medical model were people with disabilities attempting to gain social and cultural capital. According to Linton (1998), . . . the disability community has attempted to wrest control of the language from the previous owners, and reassign meaning to the terminology used to describe disability and disabled people. This new language conveys different meanings, and significantly, the shifts serve as metacommunications about the social, political, intellectual, and ideological transformations that have taken place over the past two decades. It has been particularly important to bring to light language that reinforces the dominant culture’s views of disability. (pp. 8–9)

It was apparent that essentialist discourses associated with ableism and normality (i.e., medical model) and power and privilege dynamics influenced identity hierarchy including how, when, why, and which identities were hierarchized within certain contexts both by the participants and the people with whom they were interacting. It was no wonder that the contextuality of self was another theme that was exposed amid patterns pertaining to performance and identity hierarchy. This final theme portrayed self as contextually vulnerable to and influenced by social and cultural constructs, interactions, and/or lived experiences within and between various contexts. Each of the participants demonstrated how self was renegotiated and remediated through their identities, resources, interactions, and contexts. Symbolic interactionist

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Charon (1985) provided an insight into the progressive multiplicity of self when he explains, . . . the small child, before the language-play stage, has only a primitive self, indeed a preself. Then the child assumes the perspectives of significant others, then of a generalized other, and finally of several reference groups, in each case entering a new stage of the self. At the point where the individual reaches the reference group stage, there seems to be a consistent social self related to a single generalized other, but there is also a multitude of social selves, each relating to one of the individual’s social worlds. (p. 71)

Charon’s explanation accounted for variations of self that were illustrated in the five narratives. Although Charon clearly portrayed the contextuality of self, he did not elaborate on the processes by which significant others were chosen, including how, when, why, and which perspectives were assumed over others. In terms of this research, these processes were important because they were indicative of the participants’ remediation and renegotiation of interactions, contexts, resources, and social and cultural constructs (i.e., perspectives). More specifically, it was in these processes that crises of identifying resided and negative and/or positive identification development occurred.

Implications and Recommendations for the Field of Disability Studies Scholars and researchers in the field of disability studies have been instrumental in using the social model to expose negative social and cultural constructions of disability or disabled bodies (Couser, 1997, 2002; Frank, 1995; Linton, 1998; Thomas, 1999). However, this exposure has been limited to an essentialized representation of disability or disabled bodies that often does not consider the intersectional influence of social and cultural constructs associated with identities such as race, gender, class, sexuality, and so forth. In relation to this research, by analyzing lived experiences and interactions of African American persons with disabilities, including how they are intensified by essentialist discourses within and between familial and education contexts, this research addresses the need for scholars and researchers in the field of disability studies who explore and examine nuances and provide critical microanalyses concerning the lives and experiences of people of color with disabilities. According to Linton (1998), “across the curriculum in the social sciences and in the applied fields, essentialist and deterministic explanations of disability abound” (p. 134). These explanations are indicative of

Conclusions and Recommendations    121 . . . the objectification of disabled people in scholarship, which in part is a consequence of the absence of subjectivity and the active voice of disabled researchers, but is also made possible by the dominance of empiricism in the study of disability; the large number of stereotypes and simplified versions of disabled people’s experience presented across the disciplines; the absence of critical analysis; the pathologizing of experiences; and the use of diagnostic categories or other means of labeling. (Linton, 1998, p. 134)

Linton (1998) confirms the significance of this research for the field of disability studies by asserting the need for scholars and researchers in this field that counteract essentializing and deterministic constructs of disability as well as provide social, political, and/or cultural analyses that offer a more “comprehensive view of society and human experiences, and the attribution of significance to human variation” (p. 145). Each of the narratives conveyed how racialized, gendered, disabled bodies are engaged through performances (i.e., interactions and reactions) that are influenced by social and culturally constructed scripts. This research could be used to contribute to disciplines within the field of disability studies that are concerned with body politics and identity politics. Considering that the participants provide narratives that illustrate crises regarding gender, race, and disability within familial and educational contexts, the findings of this research have implications for research and scholarship within the field of disability studies that pertain to addressing contentions between body politics and identity politics (Couser, 1997; Frank, 1995; Puwar, 2004). Scholarship and research regarding identity politics and body politics are usually separated; identity politics are representative of the politicization of identities, whereas the contexts within which identities are politicized and constructed through interactions or experiences are representative of body politics (Puwar, 2004). I suggest that researchers and scholars associated with these disciplines become more comfortable with exploring and examining gray areas or blurring distinctions between identities and contexts. The themes that emerged across the narratives demonstrate that identities and the people they personify are being not only passively constructed and reconstructed by essentialist discourses and privilege and power dynamics but also continuously negotiated and mediated by the participants through interpersonal and intrapersonal interactions. As a deaf person, I often noted that people commented on how well I spoke. This made me wonder why being deaf was not enough; I had to act or perform deafness. I was even denied certain federal assistance because it was determined that I exceeded some bottom-line government criteria of normal hearing. Therefore, I sometimes felt pressured to perform and/or conform to deafness in

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ways that perpetuated and reiterated essentialist constructions of deafness. It was like I was stuck in between this dichotomous contentious space of normality and abnormality or ability and disability—too hearing to be Deaf and too deaf to be hearing. Therefore, I recommend that scholars and researchers associated with the field of disability studies critically explore and examine other manifestations or facets of intercontextuality along with crises if identifying, including how they contributed to the embodiment or disembodiment, empowerment or disempowerment, and corporeality of identities (Butler, 1989; Kristeva, 1982; Price & Shildrick, 1998; Smyth, 1998; Wendell, 1996). More specifically, researchers and scholars should attempt to address questions such as the following. How is the disabled body reconceptualized within and between multiple intersectionalities and contextualities? What processes of negotiation and mediation are indicative of this reconceptualization? What role does other social contexts and/or identities play in instigating crises of identifying?

Implications and Recommendations for Teacher Education Programs Administrators, students, and teachers experience schools as intersections of relationships, interactions, and identities (Slee, 1996). Mediating and negotiating the good, the bad, and the ugly of these various encounters frequently has led to attrition, burnout, and dropout among teachers and students (Parkay, 2006; Spring, 2006). This has contributed to an increase in scholarship and research regarding the development and preparation of culturally responsive and socially just teachers and administrators (Adams, Shea, Deever, & Liston, 2005; Canestrari & Marlowe, 2004; Evans, 2002; Godley, Sweetland, Wheeler, Minnici, & Carpenter, 2006; Goodson, 2003; Howard, 1999; Woolfolk & Hoy, 2006) as well as more awareness of the inclusive and/or exclusive nature of schooling in relation to the matriculation and retention of students of color (Clough, 1999; Connor, 2006; Connor & Ferri, 2007; Hehir, 2005; Rose, Meyer, & Hitchcock, 2005; Shapiro, 1999; Slee, 1996; Tatum, 1997; Wortham, 2006). Although this research and scholarship offer significant professional guidance and/or pedagogical practices to help teachers, administrators, and students experience schools in more positive, culturally relevant, and empowering ways, I argue that they frequently overlook the means through which conflicts, tensions, or crises can actually be used as avenues for critical thinking, teaching, and learning that could expose and challenge social and cultural constructions of identities within educational contexts.

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This literature instead only allows teachers, administrators, counselors, therapists, paraprofessionals, students, parents/guardians, and community members to improve in alleviating, avoiding, working around, and/or working among tensions and conflicts that arise within educational settings, especially those concerning race, gender, and disability. For example, Linton (1998) directly challenges the term special education and all it encompasses by arguing that negative and exclusionary social and cultural constructions concerning the term special not only permeate the education it claims to specialize but also perpetuate similar social and cultural constructions of students who are situated within this educational context. This is problematic because these prevalent constructions are couched and reiterated in the practices of an educational setting that theoretically seeks to do the exact opposite. Ultimately, Linton (1998) reveals, . . . labeling the education and its recipients may have been a deliberate attempt to confer legitimacy on the educational practice and to prop up a discarded group. It is also important to consider the unconscious feelings such a strategy may mask. It is my feeling that the nation in general responds to disabled people with great ambivalence. Whatever antipathy and disdain is felt is in competition with feelings of empathy, guilt, and identification. The term special may be evidence not of a deliberate maneuver but of a collective ‘reaction formation,’ Freud’s term for the unconscious defense mechanism in which an individual adopts attitudes and behaviors that are opposite to his or her own true feelings, in order to protect the ego from the anxiety felt from experiencing the real feelings. (pp. 15–16)

Obviously, there is a need to reconceptualize conflicts or crises within and between teachers, administrators, and students in a way that allows them to critically engage and directly acknowledge crises as catalysts for development, reconciliation, and leadership within educational settings. This is particularly important for teachers who are interested in developing and maintaining a critical pedagogy. Kincheloe (2005) revealed that a critical pedagogical vision grounded as it is in social, cultural, cognitive, economic, and political contexts understands schooling as part of a larger set of human services and community development. Any viable vision of critical education has to be based on larger social and cognitive visions. In this context, educators deal not only with questions of schooling, curriculum, and educational policy but also with social justice and human possibility. Understanding these dynamics, critical educators devise new modes of making connections between school and its context as well as catalyzing community resources [e.g., the family] to help facilitate quality education with an impassioned spirit. (pp. 6–7)

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This quote positions teachers as change agents and social activists in relation to social justice, students, and other social contexts. It is obvious that occupying these positions requires that teachers confront conflicts, tensions, and crises that arise within and outside of schools by critically mediating and negotiating contentious social and cultural constructions and politics. Understandably, tensions, conflicts, and crises are usually regarded as negative or problematic issues that should be subdued, managed, and/or disciplined within educational contexts, especially considering the discomforts they cause students, administrators, and teachers. However, scholars and researchers like Linton (1998) have pointed out that avoiding these discomforts, especially those associated with race, disability, and gender, by couching them within superficial feelings or interactions, allows administrators, students, and teachers to avoid critically examining and exploring prevalent essentialist discourses and power and privilege dynamics that interfere with them developing positive identifications within and between each other across multiple identities and within various educational contexts. For instance, in my experiences teaching undergraduate and graduate candidates in teacher education programs, candidates often reveal how despite reading a variety of literature concerning theoretical and pedagogical implications of existing isms (e.g., classism, racism, ableism, sexism, etc.) in instructional practices, curricula design, student learning, and professional development, they still find it very difficult as pre-service and/or inteachers to identify with or develop identification with students that possess certain identities that have been socially and culturally constructed contentiously and capriciously against their identities. Instead of avoiding or ignoring discomforts, administrators, students, and teachers should become comfortable with their discomforts particularly in understanding and embracing them as catalysts for action, reconciliation, activism, and/or advocacy within educational settings. Peace and calmness rarely initiate change; change and the need to change usually stem from discomforts. In addition, in-service and pre-service teachers have expressed valid concerns about their lack of preparation and training in addressing other multicultural issues prevalent within educational settings such as language diversity and inclusion or mainstreaming. However, I have found that just providing these candidates with various pedagogical solutions, practices, and resources associated with these issues actually discourage them from critically exploring and examining the effectiveness of these solutions, practices, and resources with certain students or identities and within certain educational contexts. In other words, candidates often misconstrue pedagogical resources, practices, and solutions as universal solutions to

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existing multicultural issues that do not require contextual, social, and cultural examination. By superficially engaging multicultural issues, in-service and pre-service teachers are able to ignore their crises of identifying concerning issues of diversity. This has led to and is indicative of diversity fatigue. This concept is based on candidates’ frustrations of feeling bombarded with existing multicultural issues as well as their perception of multicultural practices as something else to do. Apparently, diversity fatigue needs to be considered in the development and preparation of culturally relevant and socially just teachers. It necessitates that teacher education programs utilize alternative approaches to multicultural issues that involve pre-service and in-service teachers acknowledging, confronting, and then negotiating and mediating their crises of identifying, particularly those associated with gender, race, and disability. As an instructor at the postsecondary level, I constantly am using and thinking of activities and discussions that would challenge candidates to locate, explore, and examine their crises of identifying in relation to existing isms and contexts. For instance, providing in-service and pre-service teachers with activities that require them to explore and examine how given pedagogical solutions, practices, and resources are problematic in relation to certain identities and essentialist discourses (e.g., discourses of power, normality, ableism, and privilege) enables them to think critically about how, when, where, which, and why certain pedagogical practices, solutions, and/or resources would be effective (or ineffective) in certain educational situations. These activities lead candidates to metacognitive reflectivity where they then start to critically think of ways to reconceptualize and develop pedagogical practices, solutions, and/or resources based on certain scenarios involving certain discourses and identities within certain educational settings. Basically, metacognitive reflectivity is the process of thinking about what you thought you thought about. With culturally responsive and socially just teaching requiring that teachers incorporate the backgrounds and learning styles of their students into instructional practices, there is a need for levels of reflectivity that go beyond just being aware or reflective. Being aware or reflective of pedagogical practices and dynamics is not an indication of one’s capability or inclination to confront, negotiate, and mediate issues that arise in pedagogical practices and dynamics, particularly those associated with multiculturalism. In Suzanne and Millies’ (1992) study on the relationship between teaching and a teacher’s life, one of the teachers reveals that “the lack of awareness was simply caused by habits of nonreflection and nonanalysis. I never asked myself if what I was doing was

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meaningful. I never pondered why I did what I did. I mechanically went on with my teaching” (p. 25). Unfortunately, many teachers are deferring to modes of mechanical teaching (i.e., teaching by the book, teaching to the test, scripted curricula, etc.) in order to get themselves and their students through the day, especially considering the influence of standardized testing and No Child Left Behind. Therefore, activities and practices that instigate, support, and strengthen metacognitive reflectivity should be targeted in teacher education programs. Metacognitive processes of thinking and reflecting could help in-service and pre-service teachers develop and establish tools or processes for mediating and negotiating discomforts, conflicts, tensions, and crises that exist in educational settings. In her narrative, Kim provides an insight into how pain could be an avenue for developing identification with people. She stated that we all understand pain. We basically can understand where each other is coming from and more or less agree in that area. This insight is significant in that it highlights how experiencing certain feelings can be used as a way to identify with someone across socially and culturally constructed barriers that define identities and contexts. It begs the question of why feelings cannot (particularly feelings of pain, lost, alienation, etc.) then be used as an avenue for negotiating and mediating crises of identifying as well as for understanding and engaging one another in genuine and relational ways? In his book, Professional Knowledge, Professional Lives: Studies in Education and Change, Goodson (2003) connects teacher professionalism and professional knowledge to educational change. He claims, . . . the growing understanding of teachers’ beliefs, motivations and missions provides a new way of exploring some of the misconceptions and misapplications that can be found at the heart of some of the new initiatives aimed at restructuring our schools. . . . The starting point has to be a fine-tuned understanding of the motives and missions that teachers bring to their work. . . . The forms of knowledge that we produce and use are often closely related to perceptions that we have of ourselves and the projections of ourselves that we undertake. . . . This is of great importance with regard to teachers’ professional knowledge. (pp. xiii–3)

Goodson and Cole (1993) demonstrate further through their research in Naming Silenced Lives: Personal Narratives and the Process of Educational Change, that in addition to “the range of practical and pedagogical knowledge which is of vital import in understanding the teacher’s conduct in classrooms,” there is also a “range of knowledge of great importance which

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deals with the micropolitical and contextual realities of school life” that includes “micropolitical and contextual factors [that] affect the lives and arenas in which personal, practical, and pedagogical knowledge are utilized” (p. 72). Evidently, professional, micropolitical, and pedagogical knowledges could also be used by teachers as tools for mediating and negotiating interpersonal, intrapersonal, and professional interactions and experiences within educational settings as well as contributing to educational change. With teachers as the primary identifiers of students with disabilities (Gresham 2005; Zimmerman, 2004) as well as the main determinant of students’ academic tracking and mobility, the implications for referral processes, which are highly dependent on decisions and documentations provided by teachers, are apparent in relation to crises of identifying and the influence they may have on informing referral processes. In other words, I believe that crises of identifying are often reflected in teachers’ decisions, interpretations, perspectives, and choices associated with referrals especially when they involve African American male students (Chamberlain, 2005; Green, 2005; Jordan; 2005; Zimmerman, 2004). Besley (2005) reveals, . . . when disciplinary measures exclude students from school, the serious long-term impacts are often reduced educational and life chances and in turn social exclusion. Care of the self and even moral education remain largely unwritten in school policies and seldom form explicit goals of education. Rather they tend to be part of a general moral education that may be part of the hidden curriculum or located within a specific curriculum such as values, health, personal and social, religious philosophy, civics, and/or citizenship education. (p. 76)

This quote illustrates how in addition to the exclusive nature of schooling and its impact on students’ educational achievement, retention, and/or matriculation, engaging and nurturing students’ sense of self as human beings continues to be a low priority in educational contexts. Therefore, opportunities and possibilities within educational settings for supporting and maintaining students as epistemological and ontological leaders are sadly lost. Although he used a different approach, scholar and researcher Wortham (2006) has been instrumental in setting the stage for exploring and examining identification development within educational settings in relation to student achievement and academic learning. He states, . . . through empirical analyses of social identification and academic learning in one classroom over an academic year, [I show] how subject matter, argument, evidence and academic learning sometimes intertwine with and

128    Crises of Identifying come to depend upon social identification, power relations and interpersonal struggles in classrooms. (Wortham, 2006, pp. 1–2)

Although Wortham analyzes identification development in relation to essentialist discourses, he explores and examines interpersonal interactions between students and teachers within a classroom setting. Nonetheless, by microanalyzing interactions and engagements between teachers and students, he was able to research nuances and processes concerning how social identification is constructed within a classroom setting in relation to certain identities and academic learning. More specifically, Wortham’s (2006) research illustrates how performances as well as racial and gender identities associated with loud Black girls, resistant Black males, and disruptive students are socially constructed by teachers and then become socially identifiable (through acceptance or resistance) by teachers and/or students at specific sociohistorical moments within the classroom. Wortham’s findings support my research and the aforementioned recommendations I provided for teacher education programs in preparing and training in-service and pre-service teachers in addressing crises of identifying within themselves and their students as well as within their interactions with students. Ultimately, educators at the elementary, secondary, and postsecondary educational levels are going to have to position themselves as gatekeepers of teacher education programs. There is a need for teacher education programs that rigorously challenge candidates in not only becoming comfortable with their discomforts but also operating effectively within their discomforts. It is through this challenge that candidates will be able to locate, explore and examine their crises of identifying as well as gain an understanding of how crises act as catalysts for leadership within themselves and for their students. These are the life-long learning, culturally responsive, and socially just teachers that students, parents, administrators, and schools need—not diversity fatigued teachers who resort to modes of mechanical teaching to avoid conflicts, tensions, and/or crises; and not highly performing teachers who are only superficially invested in culturally responsive and socially just teaching. Otherwise, teacher education programs will continue to provide American schools with superficial highly performing teachers with a student mentality instead of life-long learners with a teacher mentality in which the former are certified teachers and basically consider themselves as teachers or connoisseurs of learning within educational contexts, and the latter consider themselves as students of learning and are continuously and consistently teaching, learning, and developing as culturally responsive and socially just

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students, educators, and persons within educational contexts. Now, how to establish and maintain equitable gatekeeping practices in teacher education programs that are inclusive and accessible but rigorous with particular emphasis on developing and providing American schools with culturally responsive and socially just educators is something with which current and future scholars and researchers, myself included, must continue to grapple.

Implications and Recommendations for the Field of Special Education Identities usually determine how people relate to and form relationships with one another as well as themselves. They are the premises upon which people provide or receive information and formulate ideas or opinions about themselves and others. Schools have been instrumental in allocating identities that have lately targeted children of color and disability. This is especially prevalent in educational settings associated with the field of special education. According to Mutua (2001), . . . studies in special education have not critically deconstructed the “atrisk” label nor have they interrogated the school’s role in the hatching and burgeoning of children identified with disabilities while in school. Critical research argues that attention is deflected away from the institutionalized injustices of the dominant society when risk factors, framed as deficits in the child, fail to examine the social contexts that create favorable conditions for the emergence of the “at-risk” category. Additionally, a few studies have interrogated the relation between special education and the social competition for and access to power, wealth, and prestige. . . . Studies have linked decisions for referral to special education to teacher prejudices, expectations, and racial bias. On the other hand, gender, socioeconomic status, and appearance have been found to be the basis for eligibility decisions. (p. 290)

Mutua (2001) recognizes the role of teachers and schools in constructing certain identities. For example, many students of color are not labeled as disabled until they interact with certain teachers and/or enter certain educational settings. It is in these interactional and contextual spaces that students are socially and culturally reconstructed or diagnosed with a disability. In addition, Mutua (2001) acknowledges the role of power and privilege dynamics and essentialist discourses concerning race, gender, and disability in informing teachers’ referral of students to special education that has led to the overrepresentation of Black students in special education. These issues illustrate the need for special education programs to develop and prepare culturally responsive, metacognitively reflective special

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education teachers. Because they realistically cannot be trained to address all educational issues regarding every disability, I recommend that special education programs provide in-service and pre-service teachers with activities that would allow them to explore, examine, and challenge their comfort zones regarding various identities. I believe that comfort zones are . . . indicative of the fact that people in privileged situations are deliberately socialized (in a Foucauldian sense, at the very least) not to consider their interaction with oppressed and marginalized persons. The all too common diatribe that conveys the supposed inefficacies of “political correctness” maintains the obliviousness that comes along with privilege, and “safeguards” the privileged person from relinquishing power by recognizing the meaning of one’s actions. (Gaither, 2007)

Basically comfort zones represent positions or spaces of power and privilege that allow a person to kindly (or superficially) interact with particular people in certain situations. Involving candidates in exploring and challenging these zones, positions, or spaces could be used as a way to challenge power and privilege dynamics including how teachers consciously or subconsciously perpetuate and reiterate ableism, racism, classism, sexism, and other isms in educational settings. Moreover, by challenging special education candidates’ comfort zones, the superficiality of their identification development with certain identities would be exposed. This would perhaps induce crises of identifying, which can then be used as avenues for special education teachers to confront, explore, and examine their identification with disability, race, gender, and so on. Otherwise, diversity fatigue will persist, which will maintain the status quo as well as superficial pedagogical practices that perpetuate and reiterate social injustices within educational contexts including the overrepresentation of Black students in special education. However, the positive role of the family in relation to children and their education needs to be highly regarded by educators. Because the family is supposed to be actively included in meetings and decisions concerning a student’s individualized education program (IEP), this need is particularly relevant to special educators. In particular reference to research and scholarship concerning the intersection of African American families and educational contexts, Freeman (2005) states, “perhaps the more recent assessment of findings related to a lack of African American family involvement in their children’s schooling points to both a lack of understanding as to how the African American family interprets its role and involvement and a conflict between the values of the family and the school” (p. 11). This

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quote highlights how tensions and contentions between African American familial and educational contexts are common, which contributes to crises within and/or between these contexts. These crises are reflective of intersecting socially and culturally constructed contentions regarding race and performance within Black familial and educational contexts. Like it or not, special and general educators do have a responsibility in establishing and maintaining positive relationships with families of color. However, they must explore and examine their crises of identifying in regards to families of color before they are able to negotiate and mediate effectively a positive relationship with them. Nonetheless, several researchers and scholars associated with the field of special education offer simple and practical pedagogical strategies for assessing, evaluating, and exploring their identification development with a disability. For instance, Shapiro (1999) discusses several activities and questionnaires that both teachers and students could use to explore and examine their perceptions about people with disabilities. These activities could be incorporated into pedagogical and reflective classroom practices that could be beneficial to teachers and students with and without disabilities. In addition, Hehir (2005) provided guidance and information for special and general educators concerning strategies they could implement in order to address ableist discourses that are prevalent in their classroom dynamics and school policies. Gallagher (2005) reveals, . . . how many educators have come to conceptualize their work largely as a technical undertaking requiring the application of standard curricula through prescribed pedagogical methods. It reveals a mind-set deeply situated in the search for an objective external authority in which to ground the teaching/learning process, a seeking for something outside of oneself to which individual educators can demonstrate professional accountability. (p. 139)

This conceptualization of teaching and learning provided in the previous quote supports Suzanne and Millies’ (1992) research concerning modes of mechanical teaching. Unfortunately, more and more teachers are trading in their autonomy as teachers for blueprints or scripts on teaching and learning, which counteracts culturally responsive and socially just teaching. Overall, the field of special education has to be more conscientious and diligent in developing and preparing culturally responsive, metacognitively reflective special educators with the wherewithal to renegotiate and remediate effectively not only complex intersections of identities associated with race, gender, and disability but also contentions between familial and educational contexts.

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Conclusion: Significance of Research in a Nutshell The significance of this research is twofold. On one hand, it contributes to literature concerning race, gender, and/or disability. It expands on existing literature by exploring and examining the lived experiences (as reflected in their narratives) of five African Americans with disabilities, including their negotiation and mediation of multiple identities and contexts. Additionally, this research introduces the concept of crises of identifying not only in relation to identification development but also as a manifestation of intercontextuality. Moreover, it highlights how essentialist discourses as well as power and privilege dynamics perpetuate and reiterate ableist and normative perceptions and practices within families and schools. On the other hand, this research has both academic and pedagogical implications. Because of its exploration and examination of connections between crises of identifying and education, this research could be a great resource for social justice educators, administrators, teachers, counselors, therapists, paraprofessionals, parents/guardians, community members, activists, policy makers, and organizations who are concerned with providing African Americans with disabilities the support and guidance they need in understanding and accepting themselves as future leaders. It could also be used as a resource to inform practices and interactions within familial contexts as well as culturally relevant curricula, policies, practices, and interactions within educational contexts. In particular regards to the matriculation and retention of minorities with and without disabilities within educational contexts, this research brings attention to the influence of crises of identifying, essentialist discourses, and power and privilege dynamics on interpersonal and intrapersonal interactions among teachers, students, and administrators, including the way these interactions could affect students’ educational achievement. According to Adams et al. (1997), . . . social justice education includes both an interdisciplinary subject matter that analyzes multiple forms of oppression (such as racism and sexism), and a set of interactive, experiential pedagogical principles that help students understand the meaning of social difference and oppression in their personal lives and the social system. (p. x)

This quote confirms that educational institutions diligently and continuously have to work at addressing the challenges and needs of students, and especially Black students. Adam et al. (1997) even acknowledges that schools are responsible for helping students negotiate and mediate their

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experiences within and outside of schools. Ultimately, because they are instrumental in developing socially just, democratic citizens, it is imperative that families, teachers, and administrators work collaboratively in developing and sustaining children as the epistemological and ontological leaders they already are instead of as the leaders they may be conditioned to become.

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