A course of study in personal problems
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A COURSE OP STUDY IN PERSONAL PROBLEMS
A P ro je c t P r e s e n t e d to th e F a c u lty o f th e School o f E d u c a tio n The U n i v e r s i t y
o f S o u th e rn C a l i f o r n i a
In P a r t i a l F u lfillm e n t o f t h e R e q u ire m e n ts f o r t h e D egree M a ste r of S c ie n c e in E d u c a tio n
L o u is A rth u r O s te rb a u e r J u n e 1950
UMI Number: EP46003
All rights re se rv e d INFORMATION TO ALL U S E R S T he quality of this reproduction is d e p e n d e n t upon th e quality of th e copy subm itted. In th e unlikely e v e n t th a t th e a u th o r did not s e n d a co m plete m anuscript a n d th e re a re m issing p a g e s, th e s e will b e noted. Also, if m aterial had to b e rem oved, a n o te will indicate th e deletion.
Dissertation Publishing
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^
en'S't'r'Q -
This project report, written under the direction of the candidate’s adviser and a p p ro v e d by him, has been presented to and accepted by the Faculty of the School of Education in pa rtia l fulfillm ent of the requirements fo r the degree of M a ste r of Science in Education. .....................
A d v is e r
Dean
H i TABLE OP CONTENTS CHAPTER
PAGE PART I .
POPULARITY PLUS
HOW TO EE A SOCIAL SUCCESS
,1 .
DATING AND CORRESPONDENCE:
HOW TO MAKE AND ANSWER
■INVITATIONS
'.
1.
MAKING TIME:
2.
TURNABOUT:
3.
Y E S i:
4*
AY/PUL SORRY:
5.
ARRIVING:
6.
S IR WALTER RALEIGH:
7.
LADIES:
8.
POINTERS POR PEN PUSHERS:
.
2
How t o a s k a g i r l f o r a d a t e
How t o a s k a b o y f o r a d a t e .
. .
•
. . . .
3
How t o a c c e p t a d a t e ................................... How t o
3
d e c l i n e a d a t e ......................
4
How t o c a l l f o r y o u r d a t e .................
4
How t o
How t o b e a g e n t l e m a n . . .
5
a c t on a d a t e ......................................... .....
6
How t o w r i t e a
f o r m a l i n v i t a t i o n ....................................................................... 9. 10.
2.
R .S .V .P .: REGRETS:
How t o a c c e p t a f o r m a l i n v i t a t i o n
1.
2.
.
8
.
.
8
HOW TO INTRODUCE AND MEET PEOPLE .
.
12
INTRODUCTIONS: to
d e c lin e a fo rm al i n v i t a t i o n
How t o p r e s e n t y o u r f r i e n d s
e a c h o t h e r ............................................................................ . .
HOW DO YOU DO?: in tro d u c tio n s
3.
7 .
How t o
MAY I PRESENT:
HELLO:
2
How t o
How t o
.
12
a c k n o w le d g e -
( g i r l s ) ................................................................14 r e s p o n d t o in tr o d u c tio n s ( b o y s ) .
.
.
14
iv CHAPTER 3.
4.
PAGE
CQHVERSATIQU:
HOW TO MAKE THEMOST OP YOUR
GIET OP GAB.
..................................................................
1.
GETTIHG STARTED:
2.
ATTENTIGH ALL EARS:
3.
TIME TO CLOSE:
How t o b e g i n a c o n v e r s a t i o n
•
18
.
19
end a c o n v e r s a t i o n . . .
21
HOW TO PLAY HOST OR GUEST. .
25
o rg a n iz e a g e t- to g e th e r .
25
how
How t o
TO DO MR HOT TO DO: PLAHHIHG: How
to
2«
WELCOME!: How
to re c e iv e your g u e s ts .
4.
AT EASE:
.
•
. . . .
26
How t o make your com pany f e e l a t home . . .
A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL: e n t e r t a i n y o u r com pany
5.
SEE YOU SGGH:
6.
ARRIYAL:
7.
COME AGAIH SOQH:
How t o .........................
27
How t o s e e y o u r v i s i t o r s aw ay .
How t o
26
e n te r a h o s t 's house.
.
. . . .
28 28
How t o make a h i t w i t h t h e
h o s t and h o s te s s
29
8.
DIHBER TOOLS:
30
9.
GOIHG HOME: How t o d e p a r t g r a c i o u s l y .
10.
5.
to t a l k i n t e r e s t i n g l y . .
1.
3.
18
How t o a c t a t t h e t a b l e . . . .
GUEST 0? THE TOW: How t o a c t i n public p l a c e s
DAHCIHG:
HOW TO ARTHUR MURRAY
1.
SWIHG YORE
2.
JUST RIGHT:
3*
RHYTHM:
. . . .
31
. . .
32
I T .......................................
37
...................................................................
37
How t o s e l e c t a d a n cin g p a r t n e r .
How t o
a c t a t a dance •
.
38
...........................
38
V
CHAPTER 6.
PAGE
CLOTHES:
HOW TO MAKE LIKE BEAU BRUMMELL. .......................... " ' 4 2
1.
DRESS:
How t o
s e l e c t y o u r w ard ro be . . . . . .
2.
MAKING THE MOST OP I T : w ith what you h a v e .
3*
REAT PLEAT:
7*
. . . . . . . . . .
.
43
d re ss fo r v a rio u s
VITALITY AND APPEARANCE: ATLAS Q.UO .
d re s s w e ll
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How t o
a c tiv itie s .
How t o
43
....................................
44
HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR
....................................................................................... How t o g e t a g o o d n i g h t ’ s r e s t .
1.
LULLABY:
2.
TAKE I T EASY:
How t o r e l a x d u r i n g t h e d a y .
3.
BOOD1:
eat rig h t.
4.
MUSCLES:
How t o
e x e r c i s e p r o p e r l y ..............................
52
5.
POSTURE:
How t o
c a rry y o u rs e lf w e ll.
53
6.
SKIN DEEP:
7.
YOUR CROWING GLORY:
How t o
How t o
h a i r and s c a lp . 8.
GOOD SENSE:
9.
HEAR NOW!:
10.
GOOD TEETH:
How t o
11.
HANDS AND BEET; fla t-fo o t-flo o g le
.
. . . . .
ta k e c a re o f y o u r s k in
. . .
49 50
53
How t o h a n d l e y o u r .....................................
to p r o t e c t y o u r e y e s ig h t
How t o
.
48
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . • • . • • •
H ow
. . .
48
e n jo y good h e a r in g
54
. . .
55
. . . . .
56
a v o id w e a rin g d e n tu r e s .
• •
57
How t o a v o i d b e i n g a .........................
58
vi CHAPTER
PAGE
8 . RESPECT: HOW TO AROUSE ADMIRATION* . 1.
MR. DEMOSTHENES:
3.
9.
How t o d e v e l o p a
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
65
ANOTHER ABEs
How t o b e h o n e s t ....................................
66
OLD FAITHFUL:
How t o b e l o y a l ......................................
67
4.
GENEROSITY:
5.
FASCINATION;
6.
APPEARANCE:
7.
BALANCE;
How t o b e u n s e l f i s h
. . . . . . .
67
How t o b e i n t e r e s t i n g ......................... How t o b e a t t r a c t i v e .
How t o b e p o i s e d
SOCIAL AGRESSIVEMESS:
67
• . * • • •
68
........................
69
HOW TO TAKE THE SOCIAL
R E IN S: ............................... 1.
IDEA MAN:
73
How t o b e i m a g i n a t i v e e n th u s ia s tic .
73
. . . . . . • •
74
2.
ZEAL:
^
3.
THOUGHTFULNESS:
4.
PAT ON THE BACK:
How t o
5.
ONE OF THE GANG:
How t o b e a r e g u l a r f e l l o w
TACT:
How t o b e
. . . . . . .
^
10.
65
p le a s a n t v o ic e 2. ^
.....................................
How t o b e c o n s i d e r a t e
. . . .
co m p lim e n t o t h e r s
75
• • .
76 76
HOW TO DEVELOP SKILL IN HANDLING
SITUATIONS.....................................................................................................
80
1.
LET BE:
80
^
2.
EFFECTIVE:
c/
3*
WELL ALL R IG H T l:
How t o a v o i d a r g u m e n t s :
. . . . . . .
How t o u s e i n d i r e c t p e r s u a s i o n
• •
81
How t o c o m p l i m e n t p e o p l e
e f f e c t i v e l y ..............................................
82
v ii CHAPTER
PAGE
f
^ 4 .
RAY OP SUNSHINE: How t o
encourage p e o p le
.
.
82
^ 5 .
ACIUIOWI1EDGEMSNT: How t o
show r e s p e c t • .
.
•
83
■=" 6*
MR. SILK GLOVES: How t o m ake n e c e s s a r y . . . . . .
84
c ritic ism s.
. . . .
PART I I .
SELP MANAGEMENT
HOW TO BECOME A BETTER YOU
11*
TAKE STOCK: 1.
HOW TO EXAMINE YOUR CAPABILITIES .
PHYSICAL CONDITION:
...................................
INTELLIGENCE:
88
How t o w e i g h y o u r s e l f
i n t e l l e c t u a l l y .............................. 3.
RHYTHM:
4.
DAUBBER?: a b ility
5.
How
1.
.
89
................................
89
How t o a p p r a i s e y o u r a r t i s t i c
.....................
NUTS AND BOLTS:
EPPICIENCY:
89
to m easu re y o u r m u sic a l m e te r.
. . . . . . . How t o
n ic a l a b ilitie s . . . . .
12.
d i s c o v e r y o u r m echa . . . . .
90
HOW TO BECOME MORE COMPETENT . . . .
93
IN THE P IN K :
......................
How t o g e t a n d k e e p i n g o o d
p h y sic a l c o n d itio n . 2.
88
How t o d i s c o v e r y o u r
A t l a s Quo 2.
.
AN E IN ST E IN : in fo rm a tio n
93
How t o i n c r e a s e y o u r ........................................................
. . . . . .
95
v iii CHAPTER 3* ^
PAGE GROWN UPs
How t o
4 . ASSURANCE:
•
.
95
How t o d e v e l o p s e l f c o n f i d e n c e *
•
96
.
96
5.
FL E X IB IL IT Y :
6.
SENSE OF VALUES:
sh o u ld e r r e s p o n s i b i li t y
How t o
change w ith th e
tim e s.
How t o h e i g h t e n y o u r
a p p r e c i a t i o n o f l i f e ..............................................................
13.
MAGNETISM: 1.
14.
HOW TO TAKE STOCK OP YOUR EERSCMIITY
LOOKS: How t o a p p r a i s e y o u r a p p e a r a n c e *
2.
CHECKUP:
How t o
3.
EXTROVERT:
e v a lu a te your h a b its
.
4.
FLAWS: How t o
5.
PLUS FACTORS: How t o
CERTAIN SOMETHING:
d e te c t your d e fe c ts .
.-
100
•
100
.
* .
How t o s o u n d y o u r s o c i a b i l i t y
97
*
.
101
.
102
. • .
• •
103
a n a ly z e y o u r a s s e t s
• .
103
HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR
PERSONALITY 1. *•"
IMPRESSION:
2 . GOOD RIDDANCE: h a b it
.
A ID S :
How t o
4.
STEER CLEAR:
108
10 9
d e v e l o p g o o d h a b i t s ..........................
Ill
How t o d e a l w i t h f e a r a n d
.........................
5 . OUT OF THE DUMPS: d e p re ss io n .
•
How t o b r e a k a n a n n o y i n g
...................................
3.
w o rry ^
How t o i m p r o v e y o u r a p p e a r a n c e
Ill How t o m a s t e r o l d man
. . . . . . .
...............................................
113
ix CHAPTER 6. ^ 7 .
PAGE MASTERY'S
How t o o v e r c o m e y o u r h a n d i c a p s .
COIPEFSATIOF:
How t o
• .
113
com bat an i n f e r i o r i t y
c o m p l e x • • • • ............................................................................. 8*
BEST BOOT EORWARD;
How t o b e y o u r own
n a tu ra l s e lf .
15
lE L L 1.
3*
i 20
.............................................................
TEMPERAMENT: sta te
.
How t o c h e c k y o u r s e n s e o f f a i r
p la y . 2.
115
K1TIT?: HQf TO ANALYZE YOUR INTEGRATION . . ETH IC S:
How t o r a t e y o u r e m o t i o n a l
. . . . . . . . .
UNITY: How t o
........................................................
ALL THERE? s sta b ility
16.
SERENITY: 1.
^
2. "
3.
1 21
How t o d e t e r m i n e y o u r
. • • • •
............................................... . . .
HOW TO ACQUIRE INNER HARMONY: .
RIGHT GUT: CONTROL:
How t o
CREED: How t o
. . . .
d e v elo p y o u r c h a r a c t e r .
How t o m a s t e r y o u r e m o t i o n s
122
125 .
. . . .
AHEAD: How t o le isu re
5.
PASTIME:
tim e .
1 25 127
f i n d y o u r p h ilo s o p h y o f
l i f e ............................................................................................................ 4*
12 1
m e a s u r e how w e l l y o u r d r i v e s
a re c o o rd in a te d 4*
114
127
m ake t h e b e s t u s e o f y o u r . . .
..........................
. . . . . . .
128
How t o c h o o s e a h o b b y ................................ • 1 2 8
X
CHAPTER
PAGE PART I I I .
OCCUPATIONAL ORIENTATION
HOW TO SELECT A JOB IN WHICH YOU CAN BE A SUCCESS
17.
PERSONAL INVENTORY:
HOW TO DETERMINE WHAT YOU
HAVE TO" OFFER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1.
INTROSPECTION: . How t o a n a l y z e y o u r a s s e t s .
2.
WE'ALL HAVE SOME:
18.
3.
EVALUATION:
NO GRAB BAG:
13 5
•
.
............................................................................
JUST RIGHT:
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY:
SELF MADE MAN:
KEY TO SUCCESS:
How t o f i n d t h e o c c u lik e ly
to
succeed .
.
VOCATION:
2.
WHITE COLLAR:
160
How t o s e l e c t a b u s i n e s s o f
HOW TO TRAIN FOR YOUR JOB.
1.
How t o
tra in
16 1
. . .
f o r a t r a d e .......
165
165
How t o f i t y o u r s e l f f o r a
b u sin e ss p o s itio n 3.
140
140
y o u r ow n.................................... ......................... .....
19.
136
How t o c h o o s e t h e j o b l e r e l
p a t i o n i n w h ic h y ou a r e 3.
.......................................
HOW TO SELECT AN OCCUPATION TO
f o r you 2*
1 34
How t o d r a w y o u r c o n c l u s i o n s
SUIT YOU. 1.
.
How t o l o o k f o r y o u r
l i a b i l i t i e s ..................................... . _
134
DOCTOR, LAWYER r fo r a p ro fe ssio n .
. . . . . .
.
16 6
How t o p r i m e y o u r s e l f .............................................
166
xi CHAPTER 90.
PAGE
PURSUIT:
HOW TO GETYOUR J O B .................................................
1.
STRATEGY:
2.
PRINTER’ S INK:
How t o w r i t e a g o o d
a d v e rtise m e n t
........................................................................
3.
How t o p l a n a j o t h u n t . . . . . .
HIRE UNCLE SAM:
How t o
171
TELEPHONE:TACTICS: o v er th e phone.
21.
174
How t o g e t I n t e r v i e w s
•
.................. .....
176
5.
ALL SET:
How t o p r e p a r e f o r a n i n t e r v i e w
.
.
178
6.
AT EASE:
How t o a c t d u r i n g a n I n t e r v i e w .
.
.
179
GOING PLACESI: 1.
HOW TO SUCCEEDON THE
COMPELLING DESIRE: I n y o u r w o rk .
h a b i t ^ h a b i t s
lead
-p
^
in g you tow ard
o
y
X
your goal in life , h.
o r away fro m i t .
R e f le c t w hether y o u r h a b i t s
of thought a re
n eg ativ e or p o s itiv e . 3.
EXTROVERT?:
How t o
sound y o u r s o c i a b i l i t y .
a.
Ask y o u r s e l f i f you r e a l l y
b.
H ote w h e th er you c l a s s i f y y o u r a c q u a in ta n c e s by t h e i r
c.
lik e p eo p le.
econom ic s t a t u s .
D e t e r m i n e how o f t e n
> 1
you p a s s up s o c i a l affa irs
for
"q u iet
e v e n in g s a t ho m e." d.
R e fle ct
to
see i f
you m ight be con s id e r e d a wet b lan k et. C o n sid e r w h e th e r you alw ays w ant to h av e t h in g s v o u r way.
f.
H o te i f you te n d to m o nopolize t h e c o n v e rs a tio n .
FLAWS:
How t o
d etect your d efects.
a.
L iste n
b.
Ask a c l o s e f r i e n d f o r an h o n e s t a p p r a i s a l .
c.
C o n tin u a lly check y o u rs e lf a g a in s t your ”i d e a l . ”
d.
Spend a l i t t l e
e.
D o n 't t r y to
f.
C o n stan tly observe your f e e lin g s ,
em otions,
actio n s,
fo r flaw s.
g.
to what o th e r s
tim e i n h o n e s t i n t r o s p e c t i o n .
ra tio n a liz e your a ctio n s.
and n a tu r a l i n c l i n a t i o n s
H o tic e i f p e o p le pay s c a n t a t t e n t i o n or try
h.
say about you.
to you
to a v o id b e in g around you.
D isc o v e r i f you have a ten d en cy tow ard w anting to g e t so m eth in g f o r n o th in g ,
a t th e
expense
of o th ers. i.
L earn to
recognize
ev id en ces o f u n h e a lth y
responses in y o u rse lf. PLUS FACTORS"; a.
Be f a i r
How t o
an aly ze y our a s s e t s .
in your e stim atio n s,
b . ' Ask a c l o s e f r i e n d f o r an h o n e s t a p p r a i s a l . c.
n o t i c e how w e l l p e o p l e e n j o y
d.
D eterm in e i f you r a t e tie s,
y o u r company.
o t h e r s by t h e i r q u a l i
or are b iased or p reju d iced .
e.
Judge your t a l e n t s h o n e s tly .
f.
Make n o t e o f y o u r a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s .
104 g.
Check up on y o u r sch o larsh ip ;
n o te
REPORT OF
t h e A ' s a n d B* s . 6.
CARD £ ^crrJh o A / 2>
SOURCES WOR THIS CHAPTER:
th ere
B
to
/=•
fin d fu rth e r h elp , a.
B e n n e t t , M .E : D esigns f o r P e rso n a lity . Y ork,
b.
M c G r a w - H i l l B o o k C o . , I n c . , Hew
1938.
B ro, M a rg u e rite :
L e t *s T a l k A b o u t Y o u .
d a y - D o r a n a n d C o . , Hew Y o r k , c.
d.
G a s k e l l , H . V:
P e rso n a lity !
I n c . , Hew Y o r k ,
1936.
G rabbe, P a u l:
D ouble-
1945. F re n tic e-H sll,
We C a l l i t H u m a n . M a t u r e .
H ar
p e r a n d B r o t h e r s , Hew Y o r k , 1 9 3 9 . e.
McLean, D o n a ld :
K now ing Y o u r s e l f a n d O t h e r s .
(A m e n t a l h y g i e n e f o r y o u n g p e o p l e ) •
H enry
H o l t a n d C o . , Hew Y o r k , 1 9 3 8 . f.
Z u T a v e rn , A .B : Rowe C o . ,
C.
S oth P a sa d en a ,
ACTIVITY ASSIGHMBNTS: .your p e r s o n a l i t y 1.
The B u s i n e s s o f L i f e . C a lif.,
H . M.
1942.
Some i d e a s o n how t o
an alyze
tra its.
D e m o n s t r a t e w h a t y o u t h i n k i s a n exam ple o f good
105 p o s tu r e , and have the c la s s a n aly ze i t . 2.
K eep t a h on y o u r h a b i t s f o r one d a y .
W r i t e them
down a s y o u e n c o u n t e r t h e m , a n d b r i n g
them t o
cla ss. 3.
Make n o t e s f o r
one week on p e o p l e ’ s r e a c t i o n s
to
your p e rso n ality . 4.
N ote y o u r r e s p o n s e s t o m in o r c r i s e s
th at arise
d u r in g th e n e x t week.
D.
EVALUATION: 1.
S am p le s o f ways to c h e c k y o u r p e r s o n a l i t y .
BATING SCALE:
Check t h e
s ta te m e n ts you ib s e r v e .
a.
(
) K eep c o n s t a n t t a b on y o u r a p p e a r a n c e .
b.
(
) R e f r a i n from s c r a t c h i n g and r u b b in g y o u r se lf.
c.
(
) Cheek y o u r h a b i t s o c c a s i o n a l l y f o r u s e or abuse to your p e r s o n a lity .
d.
(
) Sound y o u r s o c i a b i l i t y v a ls
a t reg u lar in te r
fo r b alan ce,
e*
(
5 Keep a n eye o u t f o r y o u r weak p o i n t s .
**•
(
) E stim ate your a s s e ts h o n e stly .
g.
(
) Check o c c a s i o n a l l y w ith the
to
s e e i f yo u a r e ”up
tim e s” in your th o u g h ts as w ell
as y o u r appearance. h.
(
)
Keep t a b on w h e th e r t h e c o l o r c o m b i n a t i o n s i n y o u r c l o t h i n g e n se m b le s a r e i n harm ony
with, y o u r c o m p le x io n an d h a i r .
107 CHAPTER 1 4 .
CERT AIR SOMETHING
HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR PERSONALITY
A.
MOTIVATION;
Some v a l u e s y o u w i l l r e a p f r o m r o u n d i n g
o u t t h e REAL y o u . 1.
POPULARITY:
*1%
-4 0 °
You
~
w ill
be k n o w n
^
fE R £ O N A LrT Y K*d
and so u g h t a f t e r when y o u make t h e m ost o f y o u r s e l f . 2.
INVITATIONS:
More d a t e s a n d g o o d t i m e s w i l l b e
y o u r s i f y o u make a g o o d s h o w in g . 3.
MORE FRIENDS:
P e o p l e go f o r a p l e a s a n t p e r s o n
a lity . 4.
HAPPINESS:
You w i l l
e n j o y l i f e much m o re f u l l y ,
w ith a w ell-ro u n d ed p e rs o n a lity . 5.
FULLER L I F E :
A rig h er lif e
w i l l be y o u rs , w ith
a p e r s o n a l i t y you can be p ro u d o f . 6.
INCREASED INCOME: ”c e rta in
T t ’s a f a c t th a t th o se w ith th a t
so m eth in g "
g en erally ra te
in
th e h ig h -in co m e b rack ets. I I s — DIRECTION S :
S u g g e s t i o n s f o r m aking t h e m o st o f y o u r
•p erso n ality * I1CPHESSI0H': a.
How t o i m p r o v e y o u r a p p e a r a n c e .
D o n 't p u t on a i r s cated ;
or
try
to
"act"
so p h isti
y o u 'll flo p .
b.
Get a good n i g h t 's
r e s t every n ig h t.
c.
A void e m o tio n a l s t r a i n
d.
E a t th r e e w e ll-ro u n d e d m eals a day.
e.
E x ercise
and w orry.
in a cc o rd a n c e w ith yo u r n eed s and
co n d itio n . f.
A void o v e r - f a t i g u e .
g.
W atch y o u r p o s t u r e f o r f a u l t s ,
then c o rre c t
them . h.
Take good c a r e
of your sk in ;
wash i t
freq
u e n tly . i.
A rrange and re - a r r a n g e your h a i r u n t i l t h e "best p o s s i b l e
j.
k.
several
1.
c h e c k up on
tim es a day.
B rush y o u r t e e t h a f t e r every m eal f o r p early
has
e f f e c t f o r you (b o y s t o o ) .
B o y s , k e e p y o u r h a i r w e l l combed; it
it
th at
sm ile.
Have c ro o k e d t e e t h
s t r a i g h t e n e d as soon as
p o ssib le . GOOD RIDDAHCE; a.
How t o b r e a k a n a n n o y i n g h a b i t ,
G r a s p e v e r y o p p o r t u n i t y t o u s e t h e new h a b i t .
109 b. c.
Hake r e s i s t a n c e
to th e h a b i t p l e a s a n t.
R ep lace th e had
r
h a h it w ith a good one. (1)
In stead of
l o o k in g glum , (2)
P raise
sm ile-.
o th ers,
rath er
th an hragg ahout
y o u rself• d.
B urn y o u r b r i d g e s b e h in d
e.
P e r m i t no e x c e p t i o n s .
f.
T ell y o u rse lf se lf
g.
you.
I t ’ s wrong i f yo u
c atc h your
slip p in g .
Repeat
the bad h a b it
so o f t e n
i n a s h o r t tim e
t h a t you become s i c k o f i t . h.
S t a y a w ay f r o m t h e h a b i t l o n g e n o u g h , w ill fade Be s u r e
o u t.
and
L>\ I
th e h a b it
it I
1
I s w orth b re a k in g ; if
i t ’ s n o t w orth
th e e f f o r t , j.
k.
then sk ip I t .
C onvince y o u r s e l f b teak
is
Don’ t
try
t h a t th e h a b i t you want to
i n te r f e r i n g w ith your p e r s o n a lity , t o b r e a k t o o m an y h a b i t s
a t a tim e;
o n e o r tw o i s p l e n t y . 1.
A ttach a fe e lin g
of u n p leasan tn ess
to
the
110
h a b it. (l)
W a l k a ' b l o c k o r d e p r i v e y o u r s e l f f tf a p riv ileg e
every tim e you y i e l d
to
tem p
tatio n . m.
.Gut o u t t h e h a h i t
im m ed iately and su ddenly
only i f you have th e
stre n g th
t o go t h r o u g h
w ith i t . n.
If
you a r e n ' t
way; o.
s tro n g enough,
therm s s t i l l
a
tap er o ff.
M a s te r one h a d h a h i t a t a tim e,
p.
A void te m p ta tio n ; don’t put your s e l f i n a conducive s i t u a t i o n ,
q,.
F irst,
hreak a h a h it
e n tren ch ed ,
th at is n ’t
then ta c k le
r.
DO I T HOW.
s.
Be r e l e n t l e s s
the
and s t r i c t ;
too
stro n g ly
to u g h er ones,
p e r s i s t and he
stubborn about i t . t.
Don’ t
l e t w o r r y o r f e a r b l u f f y o u o u t o f mak
ing y o u r b e s t u.
T alk i t
effo rt,
o v e r w i t h someone you c o n s i d e r w i s e a n d
u n d erstan d in g , v.
M ost f e a r s
a re only w h is tlin g in
do y o u r b e s t ,
your very b e s t,
the
dark,
so
then fo rg e t i t .
AID Ss
How t o
d e v elo p good h a b i t s .
a.
C orrect u n tid y h a b its .
b.
Don’ t
o v erlo ad ;
t a k e o n o n l y o n e o r two n e w
h a b i t s u n t i l y o u ’ v e m a s t e r e d them * a n d t h e m branch o u t. c.
A cquire
the h a b it
te e n to
th irty
o f allo w in g a t l e a s t f i f
m in u te s e ac h day f o r th e
d e v e l o p in g o f a t a l e n t you w idh to p o s s e s . d.
D evelop th e h a b i t o f p u n c t u a l i t y .
e.
D ecide w hat i t want to
learn
achieve, c ertain
i s you or
and a llo w a amount o f
tim e f o r i t
every
day. f.
F o rc e y o u r s e l f to resp o n d to
little
crises
t h e way y o u r " i d e a l ” w o u l d , a n d s o o n y o u w i l l do i t g.
w ith o u t e f f o r t.
D evelop e asy h a b i t s th e c h a lle n g e , useful
How t o
some r e a l l y
d e a l w ith f e a r and w orry.
Rem ind y o u r s e l f o f t h e f o r w orry in
b.
and b u i l d up to
them ta k e
ones.
STEER CLEAR I s a.
to b e g in w ith ,
te rrific
p rice
you pay
term s o f y o u r h e a l t h .
Keep b u s y enough to f o r g e t a b o u t y o u r
fe a rs..
A void f u s s i n g
over u nim portant t r i f l e s . '
C arry th a n k sg iv in g over th e
e n tire year.
Count your "blessings, not your tro u b les Ask y o u r s e l f w hat th e w orst p o ss ib le
outcom e
f ^ ^C T T riQ J /
m ight be i f you d o n 't fin d a so lu tio n ;
it
may n o t b e s o b a d a fter
a ll.
In s te a d of w orrying,
and doing n o th in g a b o u t
y d u r problem , (1)
Get th e f a c t s .
(2)
A n a ly z e them .
(3)
Make y o u r d e c i s i o n .
(4)
C arry your d e c is io n
P lan fo r
th e fu tu re
except as
th ro u g h ;
a ctl
and f o r g e t th e p a s t ,
ex p erien ce.
P o r g e t y o u r own p o s s i b l e u n h a p p i n e s s b y t r y i n g to h e lp
o th ers;
t h e n y o u ’ l l h i n d y o u r own
h ap p in ess. D o n 't t r y
to g e t even w ith som eone; y o u ’ l l
s u f f e r m ore t h a n y o u r v ic tim * Do t h i n g s Don’ t
in th e o rd er of t h e i r
im portance.
keep p u t ti n g o f f d e c is io n s .
113 5.
OUT OP THE DUMPS:
How t o m a s t e r o l d man ' d e p r e s s
ion* a.
Be t h a n k f u l y o u a r e " b l e s s e d w i t h w h a t y o u have.
b. .
Look f o r t h e b r i g h t s p o t s i n l i f e * S e e k o u t f r i e n d s who h av e sunny d is p o sitio n s A ccen tu ate
th e
p o sitiv e e*
E lim in ate
the
n eg ativ e f.
F e v e r h o l d a g r u d g e f o r more t h a n t h e ten*
g.
count of
(C ount f a s t e r ! )
T h i n k o f t h e p o o r p e r s o n s who a r e w o r s e o f f than you.
h.
T r y t o f i n d t h e r e a s o n f o r y o u r Mm o o d , , , t h e n co n sid er i f
6.
B&STERYs
it's
r e a l l y w orth w h ile .
How t o o v e r c o m e y o u r h a n d i c a p s ,
a.
A t t r a c t a t t e n t i o n away f r o m th e m ,
bb
D o n 't a t t r a c t a t t e n t i o n
c*
A ccen tu ate th e p o s i t iv e .
d.
A c c e p t y o u r h a n d ic a p by m aking th e m o st o f i t .
d.
A void c a l l i n g "to u ch y .”
t o them ,
a tte n tio n to i t ,
b u t d o n 't be
e.
Joke ab o u t y o u r h an d icap o c c a s io n a lly , a ll,
f.
afte r
none o f u s i s p e r f e c t ,
P lan your f u tu r e to
i n c l u d e and m in im iz e t h e
h an d icap . COMPENSATION:
How t o
cam bat a n i n f e r i o r i t y
com
plex* a*
S tress
to y o u r s e l f th e good p o i n ts you can
b rin g o u t. b.
Overcome a n i n f e r i o r i t y
co m p lex by m aking
m e n ta l n o t e s o f th e w eak n esses o f even th e m ost su ccessfu l. c.
A void c a l l i n g a t t e n t i o n
to any of your d e fe c ts ,
b u t d o n ’ t b e " t o u c h y ” a b o u t them . d.
A c co m p lish so m e th in g you can be p ro u d o f .
e.
T a k e n o t e o f a l l y o u r man y a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s e n d assets.
f.
R e a liz e t h a t y o u ’ r e b e t t e r th a n each in d iv id u a l in
g.
some r e s p e c t s .
A s s o c ia te w ith enough p e o p le to r e a l i z e you hav e no g ro u n d s f o r f e e l i n g
h.
B ring i t
out in th e
in ad eq u ate.
open w i t h a c l o s e f r i e n d ;
ta lk about i t . i.
Ju m p o f f t h e
j.
Forget y o u rs e lf; p eo p le.
d e e p e n d ; go t h r o u g h w i t h i t . th in k in
tterm s o f t h e
o th er
k.
D o n 't s e t y o u r s e l f a d a ily too
stiff,
a fter a ll,
sch ed u le
th ere is
th at
a lim it
is
t o how
m u c h a p e r s o n c a n do i n o n e d a y . BEST BOOT FORWARD:
How t o b e y o u r own n a t u r a l
self. a.
D o n 't i m i t a t e
o t h e r people*
b.
S kip t h e p s e u d o - s o p h i s t i c a tio n
( p u t t i n g on
affected a ir s ) . c.
F alse fro n ts
d.
D o n 't t r y
are flo p s,
so f o r g e t th e m .
to
p u t on a show. e.
A rtific ia lity is n 't
the
answ er,
so
av o id i t . f.
"To t h i n e
own s e l f b e t r u e . ”
(Be y o u r s e l f )
g.
* S tu ffed -sh irts* g et stu ffy
soon,
so s k i p them .
h.
Be g e n u i n e a n d s i n c e r e .
i.
T u rn on a l l y o u r charm w i t h f r e q u e n t s m i l e s .
j*
Show y o u r b e t t e r s i d e w i t h a p l e a s a n t a t t i t u d e .
k.
Pursue h o b bies
In w hich you can e x p re s s y o u r
se lf. 1.
A c t t h e way y o u t h i n k i s b e s t .
m.
C o o p e r a te w i l l i n g l y w i t h any r e a s o n a b l e r e q u est.
n.
Assume a c h e e r f u l a t t i t u d e .
0.
Show u n s e l f i s h n e s s .
p.
A void u n p l e a s a n t m annerism s.
SOURCES FOR THIS 0?HAPTERs
W here t o f i n d m o re
in fo rm a tio n . a.
B en n ett, Janes A. K n o p f ,
h.
How t o B e A t t r a c t i v e .
I n c . , Hew Y o r k ,
B rooke, E. E;
1933.
G uide t o C a r e e r S u c c e s s .
H a r p e r s a n d B r o t h e r s , Hew Y o r k , c.
A lfred
C a rn e g ie , B ales S ta r t L iv in g .
1947.
How t o S t o p W o r r y i n g a n d S i m o n a n d S c h u s t e r , Hew Y o r k ,
1948. d.
B aly ,
C h eilas
P erso n ality P lu s.
a n d C o . , Hew Y o r k , e.
G a s k e l l , H. V;
B odd, Meade
1946.
P e rso n a lity .
P re n tic e-H all
I n c . , Hew Y o r k , 1 9 3 6 . f.
K u n k e l , F : How C h a r a c t e r P e v e l o u s .
C h arles
S c r i b n e r ’ s S o n s , Hew Y o r k , 1 9 4 0 . g.
R ichm ond, ¥ . V: P e rso n a lity .
M aking t h e M ost o f y o u r
R i n e h a r t a n d C o . , Hew Y o r k ,
1942. h.
Sm ith,
J:
P e r s o n a l i t y Im provem ent f o r A l l .
B a r n e s a n d H o b l e , Hew Y o r k , 1.
W oodward, E . S :
1945.
R erso n ality P re fe rre d !
H a r p e r a n d B r o t h e r s , Hew Y o r k ,
1935.
117 j.
Z uTavern, A ., of L ife .
and E ric k s o n , E;
The B u s i n e s s
H . M. Howe C o . , B a l t i m o r e ,
C hicago,
1942.
C.
ACTIVITY ASSIGNMENTS:
A c tiv lty s
to h e lp you hav e th e
p e r s o n a l i t y you w a n t. 1.
P o llow a d e f i n i t e program to r e - v i t a l i z e y o u r appearance and haye th e
c l a s s make a c h e c k - u p
in
a week. 2.
W rite up a p l a n by w hich you I n t e n d to g e t r i d of a d etrim en tal h a h it.
D.
EVALUATIGET;
Some c h e c k s t o m a k e o n y o u r p e r s o n a l i t y
d evelopm ent. 1.
TRUE-PALSE:
C irc le the
answ er you t h in k f i t s
th e
sta te m e n t. a.
T
P
I t ’ s a good id e a to tr y o u t v a rio u s h a i r d o ’ s and h a i r c u t s to f i n d one t h a t f i t s you to a " T .”
h.
T
F
To o v e r c o m e a h a n d i c a p , to a t t r a c t a tte n tio n
/
c.
d.
T
T
P
P
i t ’ s a good id e a
away f r o m i t .
You c a n m ak e a g o o d i m p r e s s i o n o n p e o p l e by t r y i n g
to a c t s o p h is tic a te d ,
It
t a c k le a tough h a b i t
i s b e s t to
first,
th en the
little
ones w ill p r a c t i -
118 c ally e.
T
3?
fall
away.
E v e r y o n e i s 'b o th s u p e r i o r a n d i n f e r i o r t o m an y o t h e r p e o p l e i n v a r i o u s r e s p ects.
f .
T
3?
The i d e a l s i t u a t i o n w o u l d "be f o r o n e t o do t h e every day,
every
same a m o u n t o f e x e r c i s e
to keep in good p h y s ic a l
co n d itio n . g.
T
F
It
is
a good id e a to have a " l i n e ” in
o r d e r t o m ake a " h i t . " h.
T
F
A ll h a b its ,
b ig or l i t t l e ,
sh o u ld be
b ro k e n a s soon a s p o s s i b l e . i.
T
F
F r e q u e n t s m i l e s c a n do a l o t th e
2.
to
"break
ic e ."
RATING SCALE:
Check th e
s ta te m e n t you o b se rv e .
a.
(
)
A void f u s s i n g
over u n im p o rtan t t r i f l e s .
b.
(
)
You a r e p u n c t u a l .
c*
(
)
Try t o
r e p l a c e a b ad h a b i t w ith a good
one.
e.
(
)
A re g e n u in e and s i n c e r e .
(
)
A s s o c i a t e w i t h enough p e o p l e t o become so c ially
a d ju s te d and ro u n d o u t y o u r
p e rso n ality . f.
(
)
D o n 't i m i t a t e
o th er p eo p le.
g*
(
)
Are o p t i m i s t i c
(accen tu ate
the p o s i t i v e ) .
119
h.
(
) L i v e u p t o y o u r own i d e a o f w h a t
is
rig h t. 1.
(
) R e f r a i n from p o n d e rin g
over thes h o r t
com ings o f o t h e r s , j.
(
} A void o v e r - f a t i g u e ,
k.
(
) A b id e by good p e r s o n a l h y g i e n e .
120 m XL K N IT?
CHAPTER 1 5 .
HOW TO INTERPRET YOUR INTEGRATION
A.
MOTIVATION:
A dvantages of b ein g
a b b t o u n d e r s t a n d how
w e ll p u t t o g e th e r m e n ta lly you a r e . 1*
IMPROVEMENT:
A b e tte r und erstand in g o f y o u rse lf
and y o u r w eak n esses and d i s a b i l i t i e s
w ill
in d icate
w here you s h o u ld b ru s h u p . 2.
HESS EMBARRASMEST: em otionally*,
Know how w e l l a d j u s t e d y o u a r e
and y o u ’l l
know I f y o u s h o u l d d o a n y
th in g about i t . 3.
ADMIRATION:
O ther p eo p le w i l l lo o k up to you i f
y o u ’’s h o w y o u r m e t t l e ” a s a r e s u l t o f s e l f - a n a l y s i s and im p ro vem en t. 4.
SMOOTHER SOCIAL RELATIONS: B e t t e r a c q u a i n t a n c e w ith your
sense of f a i r
play
assurance w ith your frie n d s ,
w illgiv e
y o u more
o r show y o u w h e re
you sh o u ld d evelop y o u r p o t e n t i a l i t i e s .
B.
— ■~
i
DIRECTIONS: -
-- —
-
-
A few w o rds t o - -r- —
—
-
-
-- -
-
t h e w i s e on u n d e r s t a n d i n g ------
■
- —
............... ....... .
...... *..
ho w w e l l I n t e g r a t e d y o u a r e . 1.
E TH IC S: a.
b.
How t o
check your sense of f a i r p la y .
N o tice
the re a c tio n s
of your frie n d s and asso
c ia te s
to y our d e c is io n s about f a i r p la y .
A s k some o f y o u r f a m i l y o r b e s t f r i e n d s w h a t
they th in k ah o u t y o u r i n t e g r i t y , c.
Pay a t t e n t i o n
to
r e m a r k s made a h o u t y o u a t
tim es o f d isag reem en t or s t r e s s ;
t h e y may h e
tru e, d.
A s k y o u r s e l f i f y o u r Mi d e a l ” w o u l d do w h a t y o u d id ,
e.
a fter
a c o n tro v e rsia l a ctio n ,
L iste n fo r p ra is e
of censure ahout your f a i r
ness, TEMPERAMElSfTs a.
How t o
r a t e your em otional s t a t e ,
N ote w h e th er o r n o t you " f l y
o ff the
proverb
ia l h a n d le .” h.
O bserve i f
you f e e l n e rv o u s or u p s e t a good
d e a l o f the c.
Look f o r
tim e.
any s i g n s o f u n d u e t e n s i o n on y o u r
p art. d.
n o t i c e w h e th e r you a r e calm and d e c i s i v e
in
tim es o f c r i s i s . e.
R e fle ct you’re
to
se e i f y o u ’ r e dream ing a l o t ;
maybe
o v erw ro u g h t.
UNITY:
How t o m e a s u r e how w e l l y o u r d r i v e s \ N W * t /O c o o rd in a te d . ^S U C C If S S /
/
I
f
\
N. S
a.
E xam ine y o u r d e c i s i v e n e s s .
h.
R e f l e c t on how e a s ily you g e t sid e -tra ck e d .
___ P IS A P Po ,
are
122
c.
N o t e how many j o b s y o u l e a v e h a l f - d o n e .
d.
O b s e r v e how l o n g I t
t a k e s y o u t o b u i l d up
steam f o r an a c t i v i t y . e.
S ee i f y o u h a v e t r o u b l e m aking up y o u r m ind.
f.
Judge w hether you have th e n e c e ssa ry p e r s e r v erance to
4.
ALL THERE?: a.
c a r r y you th rough to y o u r g o a l.
How t o
d eterm in e your s t a b i l i t y
#
R e f l e c t o n ho w w e l l o r b a d l y y o u s t o o d u p under s tre s s
in th e p a s t.
t>.
D e t e r m i n e h o w o f t e r y o u f,f l y
o ff the h a n d le .”
c.
O b s e r v e how o f t e n y o u f e e l n e r v o u s o r u p s e t .
d.
N ote w h e th er you a re
calm an d d e c i s i v e
in tim es
of c ris is . 5.
SOURCES POR THIS CHAPTER:
th e re to
go f o r m ore
in fo rm atio n . a.
B ro, M a rg u e rite :
L e t 's T alk About You.
D o u b l e d a y - D o r a n a n d C o . , New Y o r k , b.
P a e g r e , M. N : U n iv e rsity
c.
1945.
U n d erstan d in g O u rs e lv e s.
The
o f M innesota P r e s s , M in n e so ta ,
G rabbe, P a u l;
1943.
We C a l l i f Human N a t u r e .
H a r p e r a n d B r o t h e r s , New Y o r k , 1 9 3 9 . d.
McLean, D o n a ld :
Know ing Y o u r s e l f a n d O t h e r s .
H e n r y H o l t a n d C o . , New Y o r k , e.
Z u T a v ern , A. Rowe C o . ,
B:
1938.
The B u s i n e s s o f L i f e .
S outh P a sa d en a ,
C a lif.,
1942.
H.
M.
123 e.
Z u T a v e r n , A. B: Rowe C o . ,
p.
T h e B u s i n e s s o f L i f e . H,.».. M.
S outh P a sa d e n a ,
ACTIVITY ASSIGNMENTS:
C a lif..,
P ractice tip s
1942.
to h e lp you g e t
an i n s ig h t in to your i n t e g r a t i o n . 1.
E ach e v en in g b e f o r e you r e t i r e , io n s,
to
c h e c k on y o u r f a i r p l a y .
a week, and tak e g.
S t a r t a p r o j e c t i n w hich you a re i n t e r e s t e d
th ro u g h to
or d re ss),
T a k e n o t e s f o r a w e e k o n how a t e a s e ,
ing b efo re
the
c la ss,
EVALUATION:
it
o r h ow
co n d itio n s
(speak
e tc .).
T a b u l a t e how o f t e n y o u f e e l y o u r tem per,
B.
and carry
(mak
com p letio n .
n e rv o u s you w ere u n d e r t r y i n g
4.
Bo t h i s "for
no tes,
in g a m odel a ir p l a n e
3.
review your a c t
" i n t h e dumps” , l o s e
e tc .
S e v e ra l checks to
ev alu ate
the
e x te n t of
your in te g ra tio n . 1.
RATING SCALE: a*
(
)
Check t h e s t a t e m e n t s you o b s e r v e .
L iste n fo r p ra ise
o r blam e on y o u r f a i r
ness. ( c.
) Keep c l o s e
t a b on y o u r e m o tio n s ,
( ) C o n s id e r w hat y o u r " i d e a l " w ould done.
&•
(
) Look o u t f o r s i g n s
of ten sio n .
have
124 e.
(
)
O b s e r v e hovr o f t e n y o n f e e l n e r v o u s o r u p set.
f.
(
)
H ote y o u r d e c is iv e n e s s a f t e r
Im p o rtan t
in te rlu d e s. g.
(
)
B u ild up steam and g e t r o l l i n g a c tiv ity
in sh o rt order.
on an
125 CHAPTER 1 6 .
SERENITY
HOW TO OBTAIN INNER HARMONY
A.
MOTIVATION;
R e a s o n s why I t n a y s t o H a v e p e a c e ^ g f
m ind. 1.
BETTER EMENDS s
P e o p l e who a r e w e l l w o r t h k n o w
i n g w i l l "be d r a w n t o y o u i f y o u h a v e c o n v i e t i o n s and q u a l i t i e s 2.
o f w o rth .
INCREASED POPULARITY;
A p e r s o n who i s
a t ease
an d h a s s e l f - a s s u r a n c e i s m ore s o u g h t a f t e r
than
o n e who i s u n c e r t a i n . 3*
SUCCESS:
The v a l u e s you s e e k i n l i f e
w i l l fee
y o u rs i f you have th e m atured re s o u rc e s m ind t o 4.
draw on.
GREATER E FF IC IE NCY : e ffo rt try in g
5.
of your
to
You w o n f t w a s t e t i m e a n d
d ecid e c o n tr o v e r s ia l is s u e s .
SELF-CONFIDENCE:
Y o u w i l l fee m o r e a t
e a s e fey
h a v i n g y o u r own c o n v i c t i o n s .
B.
DIRECTIONS:
H elpful h in ts
to h e lp you a c q u ire
in n er-
harm ony. 1.
RIGHT GUY: a.
E x ercise
How t o
develop y o u r c h a r a c t e r .
se lf-co n tro l
In your d e a lin g s w ith
o th ers. fe.
D i s p l a y c o u r a g e fey f a c i n g y o u r s h o r t c o m i n g s .
126 0.
Don’ t
tak e advantage o f o th e r s .
d.
A dm it t o y o u r s e l f a n d to
o th ers
the m ista k e s
you m ake. e.
Sever l e t
anyone run your l i f e
th e r e in s y o u r s e lf,
fo r you;
h u t don’ t he a f r a i d
take to ask
fo r a d v ice. f.
C o n tro l y o u r tem per.
g.
Don’ t he e a s i l y
h.
Keep a l e v e l h e a d .
1.
D e v e lo p a w holesom e a t t i t u d e
j.
H ave n o t h i n g t o go w i t h g r e e d o r s e l f i s h n e s s ,
k.
Keep y o u r p r o m i s e s .
1.
F o r m t h e h a h i t o f "being r e l i a b l e ,
m.
S triv e
n.
K eep an o p e n m in d .
o.
F ace f a c t s w ith c o u rag e and o p tim ism ,
p*
D evelop p o i s e by n e v e r r e t r e a t i n g icu lt
q.
for
ex cite d .
tow ard w ork.
accuracy,
from a d i f f
situ atio n ,
Overcome j e a l o u s y by n o t i n g t h a t
every p erso n
h a s r o o m i n h i s h e a r t f o r many l o y a l t i e s , r.
s.
D evelop w ill- p o w e r by s e t t i n g a b le g o als
for y o u rse lf,
d iffic u lty
g rad u ally ,
Do w h a t y o u s a y y o u w i l l upon.
easliy -attain -
then in c r e a s in g
the
so y o u c a n be d e p e n d e d
t.
Go o u t o f y o u r way t o h e l p o t h e r s .
u.
Don’ t p ry i n t o
COHTROL:
o th er perso n ’ s b u sin ess.
How t o m a s t e r y o u r e m o t i o n s .
a.
R elax .
h.
A void e x c e s s iv e f a t i g u e .
c.
Fever re so rt
to
tem per o r ta n tru m s to
carry
a p o i n t i n an arg u m en t. . V an N o s t r a n d C o . , New
Y ork, 1 9 4 4 . b.
C o l e , G. 3). H : A b o u t M oney.
c.
W h at E v e r y b o d y W a n ts t o Know A . A . K n o p f C o . , New Y o r k , 1 9 3 9 .
D o n a ld so n , E . F :
P e rso n a l P in a n c e .
R o n a ld
P r e s s , New Y o r k , 1 9 4 8 . d.
S c h e r m a n , H:
T he P r o m i s e s Men L i v e B y .
Random H o u s e , New Y o r k , 1 9 3 9 .
C.
ACTIVITY ASSIGNMENTS:
P ra c tic e
situ a tio n s
to p e r f e c t
y o u r h a n d lin g o f m oney. 1.
Make a b u d g e t t o su b m it i t
2.
T e ll th e
fo r
c o y e r a m o n th ’ s e x p e n s e s ,
c la s s
and
a p p ra is a l,.
c l a s s how y o u m ak e t h e m o s t o f y o u r
m oney, an d a sk f o r
tip s
t h e o t h e r m e m b e rs h a v e
le a rn e d . 3.
Conduct a f i c t i t i o u s
f a m ily c o u n c il to
d e c id e
234 n e e d s and w a n ts In a b u d g e t. 4.
D.
M ake a l i s t
EVALUATION:
o f common i t e m s a n d t h e i r p r i c e s .
C hecks t o m ake on y o u r s e n s e
1 . TRUE-FALSE:
C i r c l e th e
th e
sta te m e n t •
a.
T
F
N e c e s s itie s to
b.
T
F
T
answ er you th in k
sh o u ld be th e f i r s t
T he f u t u r e w i l l
F It
fits
Item s
c o n s id e r in a b u d g e t.
we l i r e c.
of fin a n c e .
is
ta k e c a re o f i t s e l f
if
f o r th e p r e s e n t.
so m e tim e s a g o o d i d e a
b a n k l o a n w hen y o u d o n ’ t
to g e t a
need i t ,
to
e sta b lis h c re d it. d.
T
F
Y ou s h o u l d s a r e
ev ery penny you have
b ey o n d a b s o lu te n e c e s s i t i e s , u n t i l you have enough to r e t i r e . e.
T
F
W h eth er i t ’ s a f i v e - c e n t o f a f i v e hun d red d o lla r shop a ro u n d th e
2.
RATING SCALE:
ite m you w a n t, you sh o u ld sam e a m o u n t .
C heck t h e s t a te m e n t s you o b s e r v e .
Q.«
)
D on’ t
liv e
above y o u r m eans.
b.
)
S a re a r e g u l a r am ount to p u t i n
c.
)
S et a sid e
d.
)
H ave n o t h i n g t o
e.
)
Take c a r e o f y o u r n e e d s f i r s t .
enough f o r a r a i n y
th e bank
day.
do w i t h l o a n s h a r k s .
235 f.
(
) I n v e s t som e o f y o u r p a y c h e s t k i n g o v e r n s m e n t "b onds.
g.
(
) Use a c h e c k in g a c c o u n t f o r p a y i n g by m ail,
h. 1. j.
(
or fo r la rg e "b ills.
) H are a s a f e t y
d e p o s i t "box f o r v a l u a b l e s .
Shop a ro u n d b e f o r e you b u y . (
) Are s k e p t i c a l o f " b a r g a i n s . ”
PART V .
FAMILY RELATIONS
A b o u t 88% o f t h e n a t i o n ’ s p e o p l e w i l l m a r r y s o m e t i m e during t h e i r
liv e s.
A p p r o x i m a t e l y 20% w i l l m a r r y w i t h i n
one y e a r o f l e a v i n g h i g h s c h o o l .
What c o u l d b e m ore
I m p o r t a n t t o g e v e y o u t h a n i n f o r m a t i o n o n ho w t o m a k e y o u r fu tu re m arriage d ecisio n s
su ccessfu l?
of your l i f e
a re th e
choosing o f a l i f e m ate. m e a g e r background,
T h e two m o s t I m p o r t a n t selectin g
of a c a r e e r ,
and
The a v e r a g e p e r s o n h a s a v e r y
and l i t t l e
in fo rm atio n
h e r t o make t h e s e d e c i s i o n s w i s e l y .
It
t o h e l p him o r is
th e p urp ose of
t h i s u n i t o n m a r r i a g e t o g i v e y o u some o f t h e
to o ls
in
o r d e r t h a t y o u may do a. g o o d j o b o f g e t t i n g t h e m o s t o u t o f l i Y e when y o u c h o o s e y o u r l i f e
m ate.
237 CHAPTER 2 8 .
LOVE
HOW TO MANAGE YOUR COURTSHIP
A.
MOTIVATION: 1.
R ew ards o f a sotm d a p p ro a c h to m a r r i a g e .
MARITAL HAPPINESS:
You w i l l
en jo y m a rrie d l i f e
m ore f o r y o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f I t . 2.
ENLIGHTENMENT:
A c le a r e r u n d erstan d in g of your
r e a l m o tiv es w i l l
e n a b le you t o
face m atters
obj e e tiv e ly . 3*
PREPAREDNESS:
K now ing w h a t t o
expect w ill fo re
arm y o u w i t h t h e p r o p e r a t t i t u d e
tow ard problem s
as th ey a r i s e . 4.
HARMONY: w ill
Know ing w h a t t o
look f o r in a l i f e
ensure your chances o f g e ttin g
m ate
a good p a r t
ner.
B.
DIRECTIONS:
H elp fu l h in ts
to h e lp you have a c o n te n te d
c o u rtsh in . 1.
WILL YOU HE MINE?:
How t o d e c i d e w h e t h e r o r n o t to
m arry. a.
Boys,
c o n s id e r i f you a re f i n a n c i a l l y a b le to
support a fam ily . b.
G irls,
k e e p i n m ind t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y
of
m arriag e. c.
D ecide i f you a r e
em o tio n ally s ta b le
and
m ature enough. d.
W eigh t h e p r o s an d c o n s i n t h e l i g h t
of your
own n e e d s . e.
D ecide i f y o u r f e e l i n g s a r e J u s t i n f a t u a t i o n or the r e a l
f.
th in g .
D eterm in e i f y o u r c o n te m p la te d c o u rs e w i l l a f f o r t yo u am ple s e l f - e x p r e s s i o n .
g.
G irls,
esp ecially ,
c h ild ren , SURVEY:
i f you d o n 't c a re f o r
choose a c a r e e r .
How t o
lo o k fo r d e s ir a b le
q u a litie s
in
a spouse. a.
A r r a n g e m an y o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o m a k e c o m p a r i s o n s by d a ti n g .
b.
S o c i a l i z e u n d e r m an y d i f f e r e n t c i r c u m s t a n c e s : (1)
A t work
(2)
P lay
(3)
Church
(4)
T h eater
(5)
O utings
c . Make a f r a n k
e f f o r t to se e t h in g s from th e
p o i n t o f view o f th e o p p o s ite se x . d.
L o o k f o r m a n y common i n t e r e s t s n o t n e c e s s a r ily ab so lu te
e.
C u ltiv a te of your
and i d e a l s ,
but
agreem ent.
f r i e n d s who w i l l h e l p y o u m e e t o t h e r s
" ty p e ” through in tr o d u c tio n s
and b l in d
239 d a te s. f.
G irls,
try
to
im agine
your " p ro s p e c t” in th e ro le
of
jO
42)
"husband" and
••father •" g*
C onsider th e erence;
age d i f f
to o g r e a t a
s p a n 1b u n w i s e . h.
C u l t i v a t e f r i e n d s who
w ill h elp
o th ers of your
through in tro d u c tio n s
"type"
you meet
and b l i n d d a t e s . i .
Boys, t r y to
im agine
y o u r "prospect" i n th e ro le
o f "w ife" and
"m o th e r." j.
ifi
Look for a person in circumstances similar to yours, instead of hoping to imitate Cinderella or
k.
prince charming,
Take the following into accounts (1)
Do t h e y s e e m t o h a v e a g e n u i n e i n t e r e s t in p eo p le?
(2)
Do y o u a d m i r e t h e m m o r e a s y o u k now t h e m b e tte r?
(3)
Do y o u n o t i c e t h a t t h e i r o t h e r f r i e n d s
240 a re lo y a l to (4)
them ?
A re t h e i r o t h e r f r i e n d s
the
ty p e you
adm ire? (5)
Do t h e y m a k e y o u w a n t t o
im prove y o u r s e l f ?
(6)
Can t h e y e x p r e s s t h e m s e l f a d e q u a t e l y , w ith o u t u s in g p ro fan e language?
(7)
Do t h e y t r e a t y o u r own f a m i l y w i t h r e s p e c t ?
(8)
Do t h e y e n j o y g o i n g w i t h y o u i n a g r o u p a s w e ll as alo n e?
(9)
Do t h e
s u g g e s t p l a c e s t o go t o g e t h e r w h ic h
you alw ays approve? (10)
A re th e y c o n s i s t e n t l y h o n e s t in
th eir
d e a lin g s w ith o th ers? 3.
THE HUHTs a.
J o i n th e k i n d s o f g ro u p s you w ould e x p e c t y o u r type
b.
c.
How t o m e e t y o u r f u t u r e m a t e .
to j o i n .
Make t h e m o s t o f y o u r p o s s i b i l i t i e s (1)
E rlen d ly
(2)
C lean
(3)
W e ll groom ed
Don’ t
sit
by b ein g s
a r o u n d w a i n t i n g f o r him o r h e r to
’’come a l o n g . ” d.
Be a g o - g e t t e r .
e*
W atch y o u r m a n n e rs and l a n g u a g e ,
f.
Ask a m u tu a l f r i e n d t o
in tro d u ce you.
g.
Keep an eye o u t f o r
h.
Don’ t
e lig ib le s.
t r a v e l with, a s q u a d r o n o f o t h e r b o y s o r
g irls. i.
J o i n m ixed g roups*
j.
J o i n a s w im m in g o r d a n c i n g c l a s s
th at is
open
to b o th boys and g i r l s . SMOOTH SA ILIH G:
How t o o r g a n i z e y o u r l o v e - l i f e .
a.
Show s e l f - c o n f i d e n c e .
b.
Don’ t
c.
Be d e p e n d a b l e .
d.
A rriv e p ro m p tly f o r d a te s .
e.
Show g o o d j u d g e m e n t .
f.
Remember h i s
g.
A void j e a l o u s y .
h.
Be c a r e f u l
1.
S t e e r away f r o m s u c h t o p i c s a s s e x ,
spend r e c k l e s s l y .
p e ttin g ,
or h er b irth d a y .
of h i s
or her re p u ta tio n . necking,
e tc .
j.
U s e common c o u r t e s y i n d a t i n g ,
k.
A void b r e a k in g a d a te w ith o u t a f a i r
1.
S e e tle
excuse.
d isag reem en ts w ith u n d e rsta n d in g
and
t ac t . m.
Don’ t p e t or b e i n d i s c r e e t ,
n.
R eserv e f o r m a rria g e what i s
th e r ig h t of
m arriage. o.
Don’ t
do a n y t h i n g t h a t w i l l c h e a p e n y o u r
242 fu tu re
re la tio n sh ip ,
p.
Take an i n t e r e s t I n h i s
or h e r h o b b les,
q.
D o n ' t o v e r d o y o u r sh ow o f a f f e c t i o n
in p u b lic ;
t o o much o f a n y t h i n g g e t s o l d t o o n l o o k e r s , r.
Pay l i t t l e
co m p lim en ts;
even th e boys f a l l
for
them , g i r l s . s.
Don’ t be m ushy, b u t e x p re s s y o u r t r u e
t.
Be s u r e I t ’ s l o v e a n d n o t m e r e i n f a t u a t i o n s ,
u.
Don’ t
v.
Survey the lo st
rush your lo v e - lif e ,; field
to see I f
fee lin g s,
tim e t e l l s a ll
a ll.
o th e rs have
t h e i r a t t r a c t i o n b e f o r e y o u d e c i d e t o go
stead y . w.
L im it y o u r s e lf to serio u sly
one p e rs o n o n ly i f you a r e
c o n sid e rin g m arrying,
and b e lie v e
you have fo u n d t h e r i g h t p a r t n e r to re s t of your lif e x.
NIAGARA. PALLS: a.
w ith,
C ontinue a lo v e a f f a i r o n ly i f you a r e s u re th e f e e lin g
6.
sp en d tte
i s m u tu al. How t o p l a n y o u r h o n e y m o o n .
Omit o r p o s t p o n e y o u r honeymoon o n ly i f you r e a l l y have to .
b.
R e f r a i n from o v e r
us r O 1
1 Q
p la n n in g your honey moon; l e a v e
some t h i n g s f o r s p o n t a n e o u s l a t e r
d ecisio n s. c.
Come t o a m u t u a l d e c i s i o n ,
or l e t th e b rid e
d e c i d e on a s p o t f o r t h e honeymoon. d.
See t h a t a l l
t r a v e l and h o t e l r e s e r v a ti o n s
a r e m ad e w e l l i n a d v a n c e . e*
D e p e n d on a r e l i a b l e
b e s t man o r f r i e n d
to
p la n y o u r "g et-a w ay ." f.
Take a l o n g re a tio n a l
g.
some e x c i t i n g new c l o t h e s ,
rec
equipm ent, a n d a cam era.
Don’t p in c h p e n n ie s ,
but budget your honey
moon e x p e n s e s . h.
Shura f r i e n d s a n d p u b l i c i t y w h i l e o n y o u r h o n e y moon.
i.
E lim in ate
tireso m e ro u tin e s
ing d u tie s ,
lo n g m ile a g e s ,
such as housekeep or a su c cessio n of
o n e - n i g h t t o u r i s t camp s t o p s . j.
Take c a r e n o t
LOVE IIJ A COTTAGES
to p r o lo n g th e honeymoon. How t o d e c i d e o n y o u r f i r s t
resid en ce. a.
D ecide d e f i n i t e l y
on t h e
c ity
apartm ent house or h o u se, ing i s s u e s , b.
and r e n tin g o r buy
b u t allo w f o r p o s s ib le
changes.
B egin m o d e s tly , an d s t a y w i t h in y o u r b u d g e t in th e m a tte r o f th e f i r s t
c.
or suburbs,
Choose a l o c a t i o n t h a t i s
home. reaso n ab ly c lo se
to
244
your p lace
of b u sin ess,
tran sp o rtatio n lin e s,
good sh o p p in g c e n t ers,
churches,
raries,
d.
lib
and r e c r e a
tio n a l
cen ters.
S elect
the
type o f
n e ig h b o rh o o d w here your ty p e o f p eo p le l i v e . e*
P r o t e c t y o u r p r iv a c y by l i v i n g a s a f e d i s t a n c e from i n - l a w s ,
f.
if p o ssib le.
Choose a d w e l l i n g t h a t
is
clean ,
a iry ,
ch eeffu l,
and c o n v e n ie n tly a rra n g e d . g.
Try t o
fin d a p lace th a t
your sty le h.
A void a too
1.
is
larg e
enough f o r
of en te rta in in g .
l a r g e h o u se w here th e u p k eep w ould be
e x p e n s iv e and tim e -c o n su m in g f o r
Have y o u r f i r s t
two p e o p l e .
some s e l e c t e d a n d r e a d y f o r
o c c u p a n c y when y o u r e t u r n fro m y o u r h o n e y m o o n . 7.
I.D 0 1 : a.
How t o
C onsult years,
p rep are fo r m arriag e.
p e o p l e who h a v e b e e n m a r r i e d f o r s e v e r a l to
g ain h e lp f u l p o in te r s .
b.
A void s h o r t c o u r t s h i p s .
c.
R e f r a i n from m a rry in g a t
d.
Make a p l a n f o r y o u r f i n a n c i a l n e e d s .
e.
Make a l l
too
e a r l y an a g e .
o f your p lan s to g e th e r.
245 f*
A void g e t t i n g
a w arped id d a a b o u t s e x , by
going f r a n k ly
to y o u r f o l k s ,
or n u rse,
fam ily p h y sic ia n
a guidance
co u n selo r,
•/
or a teach er,
upon whose i n f o r m a ti o n you can depend. g.
R e a d two o r
t h r e e good
b o o k s on th e
sex u al sid e of m arriag e.
h.
C onsult y o u r p a re n ts
i.
Remember t h a t w e d d i n g s a r e very i m p o r t a n t t o th e fa m ilie s
for
sugg estio n s.
in v o lv ed .
j.
D e c id e on t h e
ty p e o f w edding you p r e f e r .
k.
S ecure b lo o d t e s t s
Mom y o u r p h y s i c i a n
in p len ty
of tim e. 1.
Donf t f o r g e t th e m a r r ia g e ,
m.
A ddress the least
lic en se.
announcem ents to
tho se in v ite d a t
tw o w e e k s i n a d v a n d e o f t h e w e d d i n g
d ate* n.
D o n 't e lo p e ; (1)
Most a u t h o r i t i e s
f e e l t h a t elopfem ent i s
n o t a w ise b e g in n in g . (2)
Your f a m i l i e s
and f r ie n d s
d e s e r v e t o know
your p lan s. o.
I f p o ssib le, of the p eace;
d o n 't u se th e
serv ices
co n ta ct a m in is te r.
of a ju stic e
246 p.
T a k e t i m e t o "become a c c u s t o m e d t o "by w a i t i n g
at lea st
eqch o th e r
s i x m onths a f t e r t h e
engagem ent. q.
R e g a r d the to t e s t
r.
eng ag em en t p e rio .d a s an o p p o r t u n i t y
t h e g lam our o f y o u r rom ance.
D i s c u s s t h e n u m b e r o f c h i l d r e n y o u w o u l d "both lik e ,
a n d how s o o n a f t e r m a r r i a g e y o u w a n t
them . s.
Make a s i m p l e , of m arriag e,
s in c e re p ro p o sa l or accep tance
h u t one t h a t w i l l h e e m o tio n a lly
satisfy in g . t.
R e f r a i n from a n n o u n c in g an engagem ent u n t i l you a r e b o th s u re i t w i l l not be b ro k en .
u.
Ask y o u r c l o s e f r i e n d s t o h e l p you w i t h t h e d e ta ils
o f y o u r w e d d in g so you w on’ t
overlook
a n y th in g . 8.
SOURCES FOR THIS CHAPTER:
W here t o
g a th er f u r th e r
In fo rm atio n . a.
B u r g e s s , E . lit in M arriag e.
P re d ic tin g Success or F a ilu re P re n tlc e-H all,
I n c . , Hew Y o r k ,
1939. b.
B u tte rfie ld ,
0:
Em erson B ooks, c.
E x n e r , M. J :
Love P ro b lem s o f A d o l s c e n t s . I n c . , Hew Y o r k ,
1939.
"The Q u e s t i o n o f P e t t i n g , "
A m erican S o c i o l o g i c a l H ygiene A s s o c i a t i o n .
247
P u b lic a tio n 853. d.
J o h n s o n , R . H:
New Y o r k , 1 9 4 6 . L o o k in g Toward M a r r i a g e .
A lly n and Bacon C o ., e.
f.
P i e r c e , W. G:
Y o u t h Comes o f A g e .
H i l l Book C o . ,
I n c . , New Y o r k ,
Popenoe, P aul? W ilfre d Funk,
g.
R ice,
Thurmans
S tra in ,
F.
Bs
I n c . , New Y o r k ,
McGraw-
1948.
1943.
'Age o f R o m a n c e , " C hicago,
A m erican
1 1 1 .,
1940.
Love a t t h e T h r e s h o l d .
A p p le to n -C e n tu ry C o.,
C. ACTIVITY ASSIGNMENTS:
1944.
M arriag e B efo re and A f t e r .
M edloal A s s o c i a t i o n * h.
San F r a n c i s c o ,
D.
I n c . , New Y o r k , 1 9 4 2 .
P ractice tin s
t o h e l p you manage
your lo v e - l if e . 1.
D ebate th e m e r i t s o f e a r l y m a rria g e v e r s u s l a t e r m arriag e in c la s s .
2.
O r g a n i z e a p a n e l d i s c u s s i o n on t h e s u b j e c t , " W i l l p e ttin g in c re a se your p o p u larity ?"
3.
Make a b l a c k b o a r d l i s t then of
D.
select
In B oys,"
Through c l a s s
s e e how w e l l t h e b o y s a n d g i r l s
agree
tw o l i s t s .
EVALUATION: to
"What G i r l s L i k e
"W h a t B o y s L i k e i n G i r l s . "
d iscu ssio n , on t h e
of
Samples t o make o n y o u r k n o w l e d g e o f how
a life
-p artn er.
TRUE-FALSE:
C ircle
th e answ er you th in k f i t s
th e
Boys can a t t r a c t f a v o r a b l e a t t e n t i o n
by
statem en t. a.
T
F
s p e n d i n g t h e i r m on ey f r e e l y . b.
T
F
S h o rt c o u rts h ip s should be av o id ed .
c.
T
F
You d o n ’ t h a v e t o show c o u r t e s y a n d c o n s i d e r a t i o n o n c e y o u know s o m e o n e w ell.
d.
T
F
decking
is
OK a s l o n g a s i t
d o e s n ’ t go
any f a r t h e r , e*
T
F
Your engagem ent p e rio d sh o u ld l a s t a t least
RATIKG SCALE: a.
(
)
s i x m onths. C h e c k t h e s t a t e m e n t s y o u o b s e r v e . You:
R e aliz e th e r e s p o n s ib ilitie s
of m arr
iag e. b.
(
)
Know t h e p r o s a n d c o n s o f y o u r own r e a l needs.
c.
(
)
Are a c q u a i n t e d w i t h enough p e o p le to make g o o d c o m p a n io n s .
d.
(
)
Try to
s e e t h i n g s from t h e p o l n t - o f - v i e w
of the o p p o site
sex.
e.
(
)
B elong t o
groups th a t s u i t your t a s t e s .
f.
(
)
A re c h e e r f u l ,
g.
(
)
W atch y o u r m a n n e rs and c o n d u c t .
h.
(
)
A re n o t a r e c k l e s s
clean ,
and c o n s i d e r a te .
spender.
249 1.
(
)
S te e r c le a r of co n v ersatio n about p e ttin g and n e c k in g .
250 CHAPTER 2 9 .
PA1QLY ADJUSTMENT
HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY
A.
MOTIVATION:
S e v e r a l r e a s o n s why I t -pays t o h a v e a
p le a s a n t fam ily l i f e . 1.
SMOOTH SAILINGS or q u arrelin g
2.
i f y o u h a v e g o o d hom e
GREATER ENJOYMENTS en jo y l i f e
3.
You w i l l h a v e n o c o n s t a n t n a g g i n g rela tio n sh ip s.
You a n d y o u r f r i e n d s w i l l
in y o u r house w ith a happy fa m ily .
PEEASANT ATMOSPHERES w ith c o n sid e ra te ,
I t ’s n ic e to he su rro u n d ed
p leasan t,
and w e ll- a d ju s te d
p eo p le. 4.
BETTER PERSONALITYs in
5.
B.
th e r ig h t fam ily su rro u n d in g s.
L ESS DRUDGERYs
L if e w i l l run alo n g
you i f
does h i s p a r t .
DIRECTIONSs 1.
Y o u r p e r s o n a l i t y c a n ’’g r o w ”
everyone
H ints
GOOD EOODs a.
on how t o
Make t h e m o s t o f
capers, G et up in to
enjoy fa m ily l i f e .
How t o g e t a l o n g w i t h y o u r h u s b a n d ,
your k itch en
h.
sm oothly f o r
tim e
look p r e s e n t
a b le a t the
251 breakfast tab le. e.
P la n a f a m ily c o u n c il system w ith y o u r husband for s e ttlin g
fam ily d e c is io n s .
d.
A void n a g g in g and c r i t i c i s m ,
e*
Don’ t becom e a h o u s e h o ld d r u d g e .
f.
Be l a v i s h w i t h y o u r l o v e a n d e n c o u r a g e m e n t .
g.
Take an i n t e r e s t
h.
Keep an o r d e r l y h o u s e , b u t be s u t e
i n h i s w ork. i t ’s fo r
’’l i v i n g , ” a n d n o t j u s t f o r s h o w . i.
Take a l i t t l e
tim e and th o u g h t i n p la n n in g f o r
m eals. j.
Take tim e o u t to
en jo y y o u r f a v o r i t e
sp o rts
or
ho b b ies, k.
Don’ t
try
to d e c e iv e him .
1.
Be s o m e o n e h e c a n d e p e n d u p o n ,
m.
Don’ t
n.
Be t o l e r a n t
o.
Accept a f u l l
d o m in eer,
demand,
or p o u t,
and a d j u s t a b l e . share of th e r e s p o n s ib ility
of
m arriag e, p.
D o n ’ t a t t e m p t t o make h im o v e r ,
q.
Show n o j e a l o u s y ;
r.
Try t o be u n d e r s t a n d i n g i f y o u r h u sb a n d n o t i c e s a n o th er g i r l ;
s.
h e ’ s hum an, you know,
S h a r e him w i t h h i s h i s m o th er.
you a l r e a d y h av e him .
frien d s,
and e s p e c ia lly w ith
t.
R espect h is
ideas*
u.
H ever h o l d a g ru d g e a g a i n s t him .
v.
Don’ t k eep s e c r e t s
w.
Make h i m f e e l h e ’ s r e a l l y n e e d e d a r o u n d t h e
Atom h i m .
house. x.
Make h i m f e e l h e ' s
YES DEAR: a.
the h e ad o f th e h o u se h o ld .
How t o g e t a l o n g w i t h y o u r w i f e ,
Do y o u r p a r t t o keep th e house n e a t and c l e a n ,
h.
H elp h e r o u t w ith th e house h o ld chores (dry th e d is h e s , m ov e t h e h e a v y f u r n i t u r e ,
c.
e tc .).
T e l l y o u r w i f e when y o u p l a n t o b r i n g f r i e n d s hom e f o r d i n n e r .
d.
Compromise l i t t l e the
e.
d ifferen ces
of o p in io n in
i n t e r e s t o f harm ony.
Show t h a t y o u a r e p r o u d o f y o u r hom e a n d fa m ily by i n v i t i n g f r i e n d s th e l i t t l e
in freq u en tly
(w ith
w o m a n ' s OK, o f c o u r s e ) .
f.
Keep up y o u r a p p e a r a n c e .
g.
Be t h o u g h t f u l a b o u t " l i t t l e
h.
E xpress your a p p re c ia tio n o f h er fre q u e n tly .
th in g s."
i.
Alw ays b e h o n e s t w i t h h e r ,
j.
Donf t k e ep s e c r e t s
k.
Show y o u r a f f e c t i o n of i t
1.
isn ’t
from h e r . f o r h e r; m erely sp eak in g
alw ays enough.
D is c u s s y o u r problem s w ith h e r ;
maybe s h e c a n
h e lp . ra.
Don’t w o rry a b o u t y o u r f i n a n c i a l m a t t e r s ; h e r the
te ll
sto ry .
n.
C o m p lim en t h e r on h e r c o o k in g a n d t i d y h o u s e .
o.
Remind h e r f r e q u e n t l y
SPARE THE ROD?s a.
t h a t you lo v e h e r .
How t o b e a g o o d p a r e n t .
M ain tain a f e e lin g of s e c u r i t y .
b.
A llo cate jobs to
c.
c ertain
to your k id s
develop s e c u r i t y .
P la n allo w an ces fo r your c h ild r e n ,
a n d show
t h e m ho w t o b u y w i s e l y . d.
Don’t
take
t h i n g s away fr o m them w i t h o u t e x
p l a i n i n g why. e.
R o tate
the
u n p l e a s a n t j o b s among t h e f a m i l y
m em bers. f.
L et your c h ild re n have th e r e s p o n s ib ility
of
c l e a n i n g u p t h e i r own r o o m . g.
Try to
s e e t h i n g s flom t h e c h i l d r e n ’ s v i e w p o i n t .
254 h.
Be p a t i e n t w i t h t h e m ; have q u ite
i.
a fter a ll,
they don’t
a s m u ch e x p e r i e n c e a s y o u d o .
P la n a r e a s o n a b le allo w an ce w ith th e fa m ily f o r a l l m em bers.
j .
Show t h e m t h a t y o u l o v e t h e m ,
k.
See t h a t
th e punishm ent you hand o u t f i t s
the
deed. 1.
Make s u r e
th a t y o u ’re n o t j u s t
'*v e n t i n g y o u r
f e e l i n g s ” w he n y o u warm u p t h e o l d h a i r - b r u s h , m.
Make c e r t a i n y o u r d i s c i p l i n e
is
them t h e l e s s o n s yo u w is h t o
im ply,
train in g
teach in g and n o t
them " n o t t o be c a u g h t , n e x t t i m e . "
n.
Be a g o o d e x a m p l e .
o.
H elp y o u r k i d s to
succeed in l i t t l e
th in g s;
the
b ig item s w i l l ta k e c a re o f th e m se lv e s, p.
P raise
t h e i r good q u a l i t i e s .
q.
Show y o u r c h i l d r e n t h e v a l u e o f g e t t i n g
alo n g
w ith p e o p le . r.
I m p r e s s them w i t h t h e
tru th
(1)
Y/ork t o a c q u i r e .
(2)
G ive t o r e c e i v e .
(3)
The d e s t r u e t i v e m e s s
of c e rta in
of h ate
law s.
and p r e j u d i c e ,
s.
H e lp them c r e a t e
som ething o f t h e i r
t.
L e t them h a v e p o s s e s s i o n s o f t h e i r
u.
G ive them r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s
own. own.
in accord w ith t h e i r
m a tu r ity and a b i l i t i e s . UP AHD COMIUG: a.
Be w i l l i n g
How t o b e a g o o d j u n i o r m e m b e r . to
a c c e p t the
d e c is io n o f the
m ajo rity . b.
C ooperate in c a r r y in g out h o u se h o ld t a s k s ,
c#
Make h o u s e h o l d d u t i e s
a game,
in stead of
drudgery. d.
A s s i s t y o u r f a m i l y i n m aking a good a p p e a r a n c e .
e.
Don’ t
f.
See t h a t you a r e n ’ t
g.
E x p re ss y o u r th a n k s f o r fa v o r s and g i f t s .
h.
Do e x t r a s e r v i c e s
f o r the
i.
Try to
from y o u r f o l k ' s p o s i t i o n
tak e
s i d e s w he n o t h e r m e m b e r s d i s a g r e e .
see th in g s
once i n
th e aau se o f any arg u m en t.
o t h e r f a m i l y m em bers.
a w hile.
j.
C onfide i n
t h e o t h e r m em bers.
k.
Do y o u r h o u s e h o l d c h o r e s v o l u n t a r i l y .
1.
Don’ t
m.
T e l l someone w here you a r e g o in g o r w h ere you
a s k f o r m ore t h a n y o u r s h a r e ,
e x p ec t to b e . n.
S e t an a p p r o x i m a t e tim e o f r e t u r n ,
o.
T elephone i f you a re d e la y e d ,
p.
Leave a n o te to
to av o id an g u ish ,
in form th e fa m ily o f y ou r
w h ereab o u ts, q.
R e m e m be r y o u r p a r e n t s '
r.
Do t h e
"little
a n n iv e rsa rie s,
th in g s" th a t
t h e o t h e r members
256 lik e . s.
Be c o u r t e o u s ,
e v e n t h o u g h y o u kn ow t h e m e m b e r s
o f y o u r fa m ily ex trem ely w e ll, t. u.
R espect t h e i r o p in io n s, V o lu n teer
to h e l p when n e e d e d ,
v.
L is te n w h ile the o th e rs a re
talk in g ,
w.
A void d o in g w hat you p l e a s e ,
a t th e
the x.
expense o f
o th ers.
Save p a r t
o f y o u r a llo w a n c e e a c h week to m ee t
e m erg en cies. y.
I f you m ust e i r t i c i z e your fa m ily , before o th e rs ,
z.
b u t w a it u n t i l you a r e
th in g
even th o u g h you w ould r a t h e r
alo n e,
do s o m e
e lse.
Be e x p e c i a l l y c a r e f u l w i t h t h e y o u m ay k e e p t h e p r i v i l i g e
b’
do i t
Accom pany o t h e r m em bers o c c a s i o n a l l y when t h e y ask you,
a*
don’t
D iscuss
fam ily c a r,
so
of i t ’s use.
y o u r problem s w ith y o u r p a r e n t s ,
c’
Remember t h a t
d*
Accept firm
th e y were once y o u r a g e .
d ecisio n s,
i n s t e a d of nag g in g f o r
a change. e’
Take c a r e
f * T ake on
of
y o u r own r o o m a n d c l o t h e s ,
m ore r e s p o n s i b i l i t y a s y o u become more
m ature. g’
Do m o r e t h a n i s
exp ected o f you.
257
5.
h*
Be p a t i e n t w i t h f a m i l y r e m i n i s c e n c e s .
i f
R espect your p a re n ts * broader ex p erien ce,
j !
H ever he s a r c a s t i c
EQUIPMENT: a.
or c o n trad icto ry .
How t o p r o v i d e r e c r e a t i o n
f o r y o u r home,
In tro d u c e hoh h ies t h a t can he p u r su ed hy th e fa m ily group.
h.
G et games t h a t a l l th e fa m ily can p lay .
c*
P lan to u se your firep lace
f o r pop
c o rn and m arsh m allow f e a s t s . d.
A c q u ire an o l d fashioned ice cream f r e e z e r .
e.
S e t up a p in g -p o n g tah le .
f.
B uy a h e a c h u m b rella.
g. 6.
m n i^
K e e p a c r o q u e t s e t on h a n d .
GOOD TIMES: a.
■w' T
How t o
e n t e r t a i n your fam ily .
Encourage fa m ily i n t e r e s t
in s p o rts .
258 b.
P r o m o te i n t e r e s t i n c a r d games and s o n g - f e s t s th at
c.
the
f a m i l y c a n do t o g e t h e r .
Make y o u r s e l f a s i n t e r e s t i n g
and l i v e l y
a
f a m i l y m em ber a s y o u c a n . d.
H elp e n t e r t a i n g u e s t s o f t h e o t h e r f a m ily m em bers.
e.
Don’ t
ex clude th e r e s t o f th e
f a m i ly from y o u r
home a c t i v i t i e s . f.
Keep t a b on g o o d t e l e v i s i o n an d r a d i o p ro g ra m s th a t the
g.
rest
o f th e fa m ily m ight e n jo y ,
U n d e r lin e t h e program s t h a t sound p ro m is in g , and g e t a v o te .
h.
Go t o t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d p l a y g r o u n d o n c e i n a w h ile.
7.
ONE FOR ALL:
How t o
s h a r e y o u r home.
a.
Don’t m o n o p o liz e th e b ath ro o m .
b.
Do y o u r p a r t
o t m a k e y o u r hom e i n t e r e s t i n g
and
a ttra c tiv e . c.
T reat
the m agazines and d a il y new spapers w ith
care. d.
Don’ t
e.
Remember t h a t y o u r f o l k s th eir
"hog" t h e
fav o rite
telep h o n e. (or c h ild re n ) have
r a d io and t e l e v i s i o n pro g ram s
to o . f.
Keep t h e r a d i o
t u n e d d ow n.
g.
T ry t o e n j oy t h e p r o g r a m s t h e o t h e r m embers
259 have chosen.
8.
h.
Keep th e b a th ro o m c l e a n .
1*.
H elp p l a n and a r r a n g e t h e h o u se f u r n i s h i n g s .
BURY THE HATCHET:
How t o g e t a l o n g w i t h y o u r
In-LaW s. a.
D o n 't be d e p e n d e n t on them .
b.
D o n 't a c c e p t m ore h e l p fro m one s i d e fam ily th an th e o th e r,
of the
a n d n o t t o o much fro m
e ith er. c.
A c c e p t them a s p a r t o f t h e f a m i l y .
d.
L e t them b e l i e v e
they a re s t i l l
m o th ers and
f a t h e r s w ith ad v ice to g iv e . e.
Make g e n u i n e a t t e m p t s
to l o v e a n d r e s p e c t th e m .
f.
V i s i t w i t h them o f t e n , b u t d o n ' t l i v e w i t h them i f you can p o s s ib ly a v o id i t .
g.
Look on y o u r s p o u s e ' s f o l k s a s y o u r *beeondM fath er
and m o th e r.
h.
R espect
th e ir p o in ts
i.
H e v e r a rg u e w i t h them .
j.
D o n ' t d i s a g r e e w i t h them d o g m a t i c a l l y ; d ip lo m atic•
9.
OVER THE EENCE:
How
to g e t alo n g w ith your n eig h b o rs. a.
R espect your n eig h bors'
p riv acy .
o f view .
be
b.
L e a rn to o b s e r v e t h e custom s o f y o u r n eig h b o h e o d .
c.
Don’ t h e o v e r z e a l o u s i n an e f f o r t frie n d s, h u t,
on t h e
o th er hand,
t o make don’ t r e s tr a in
y o u r s e l f to o much, e i t h e r . d.
Be c o n s i d e r a t e
o f them .
e.
Keep y o u r c h i l d r e n u n d e r r e a s o n a h l e
f.
G e t o u t s i d e y o u r own s p h e r e .
g.
Take p r i d e
co n tro l*
i n y o u r c o m m u n i t y , a n d sh o w t h a t y o u
do. h.
Make y o u r h om e a p l a c e w h e r e y o u r n e i g h h o r s w ant to v i s i t i l
SOURCES FOR THIS CHAPTERS
Where t o
fin d fu rth e r
assistan ce. a.
A ppelhof,
Gs
Y o u r C a n Be H a p p i l y M a r r i e d .
M acm illan C o ., h.
1945.
Bowman,
H. As
New Y o r k ,
D ep ew , A r t h u r Ms
1942.
G roves, New Y o r k ,
f.
H arhen,
E . Rs
M arriag e.
1933. E . Os
1944.
(pp.
McGraw327-356)
The C o k e s b u ry P a r t y B o o k .
C okeshury P r e s s , N a s h v i l l e , e.
N a tio n a l
M arriag e f o r M oderns.
H i l l B o o k C o . , New Y o r k , d.
57-106}
Bow ers, E t h e l s L e t ’s P la n a P a r t y . R eview A s s o c i a t i o n ,
c.
(pp.
The
(pp.
E en n .,
1932.
H enry H o l t
and C o.,
172-190)
The F u n E n c y i o p e d l a .
hury P re s s , N a s h v ille ,
T e n n ., 1940.
T he C o k e s -
261 g.
L u c i l l e , Nancy:
O u r Home a n d F a m i l y .
L i p p i n c o t t a n d C o . , New Y o r k , h.
i.
Popenoe, P a u l:
B.
1946.
M arriag e B efore and A f t e r .
W ilfre d Punk,
I n c . , New Y o r k ,
S t o n e , H . M:
A M a rria g e M anual.
C o . , New Y o r k ,
C.
J.
1943. Simon S c h u s t e r
1939.
ACTIVITY ASSIGNMENTS:
T i p s t o t h e w i s e on I m p r o v i n g
fam ily h a p p in e s s . 1.
W rite o u t a p ro b lem you h av e w ith y o u r p a r e n t s . S t a t e how y o u s e e i t , th e
2.
see i t .
c l a s s g i r e s u g g e s t i o n s o n how t o
D ebate th e m e r i t s
it.
them .
B oys,, o f f e r t o h a n d l e a l l m ain tain in g
solve
Have
of sh a rin g household d u tie s ,
v ersu s n o t sh arin g 3.
a n d how t h e y
th e arran g em en ts fo r
th e f a m i ly c a r f o r a m onth,
a n d m ake
a r e p o r t o f what you le a rn e d . 4.
Have t h e
cla ss
th e b i r t h r a t e 5.
Make a l i s t
list
the
reaso n s fo r th e
d eclin e
in
during th e l a s t f i f t y y e a rs .
o f jo b s t h a t m other and dad u s u a l l y
do,
w h i c h c o u l d b e s h a r e d w i t h o t h e r members o f t h e fam ily , 6.
a n d w o u ld g i v e y o u r p a r e n t s more f r e e t i m e .
Make a c l a s s l i s t
of a l l p o ssib le
t h a t co u ld p o s s ib ly su g g estio n s as
in - la w problem s
c o n fro n t a young c o u p le .
Make
t o ho w e a c h o n e c o u l d b e s o l v e d .
D.
EVALUATIOIT:
Some s a m p l e c h e c k s t o m ake on y o u r
know ledge o f f a m i ly a d j u s t m e n t . 1.
TRUE-FALSE:
C ircle
t h e a n s w e r y o u -ftink f i t s
the
statem en t. a.
T F
A fam ily
c o u n c il system i s
a g o o d wa y
t o make f a m i l y d e c i s i o n s . b.
T F
Your husband o r w ife w i l l l i k e l y y o u Tr e n o s y i f y o u t r y in h is
c.
T F
T F
T F
an i n t e r e s t
A house should be a rra n g ed f o r l i v i n g , show.
The h o u s e c l e a n i n g s h o u l d b e l e f t up to
e.
take
o r h e r w ork.
r a t h e r th an fo r d.
to
th in k
It* s
e n tire ly
the w ife.
OK t o
" l e t y o u r s e l f go" a ro u n d th e
house. f.
T F
It
is n 't
n ecessary to r e a l ly
express your
a p p re c ia tio n to your fam ily ,
because they
p r o b a b l y kn o w o f i t . g.
T F
S o n g -fests are form o f f a m ily
2.
RATIUG SCALE:
Check t h e
an e n t i r e l y
o u t-o f-d ate
e n tertain m en t. s t a t e m e n t s y o u o b s e r v e . You
a.
( )
Have a f a m i l y c o u n c i l s y s te m .
b.
( )
Do y o u r p a r t t o k e e p t h e h o u s e c l e a n .
c.
( )
Do t h o u g h t f u l l i t t l e o t h e r f a m i l y m em bers.
th in g s to p le a se th e
263 d.
P la n f u tu r e ev en ts w ith your fam ily .
e.
Are p a t i e n t w i t h t h e o th e r s *
f.
Show i n t e r e s t
g.
R espect the o p in io n s o f your fa m ily .
h.
Don’ t m o n o p o liz e t h e b a th ro o m .
i.
Share the ra d io
j*
R espect your n e ig h b o rs’ p riv acy .
k.
W atch f o r good t e l e v i s i o n
in fam ily a c t i v i t i e s .
and te le p h o n e .
and ra d io
program s f o r fa m ily l i s t e n i n g . 1.
(
)
In clu d e
the r e s t
a c tiv itie s.
of your fam ily in your
264 YOUR RESERVE BOOK LIST CODE NUMBER 1.
A ckerm an, L. A .:
H e a l t h a n d Hygiene*
The J a c q u e s
C a tte ll P re s s , L a n c a ste r, P en n sy lv an ia, 2.
A p p e lh o f, G .: C o .,
3.
You C a n Be H a p p i l y M a r r i e d .
M acm illan
1945.
B o y n to n , P a u l W .: H a l l Book C o . ,
4.
1943.
B rooke, E . E . :
S i x Ways t o G e t a J o b .
P ren tice-
I n c . , New Y o r k , 1 9 4 7 . G uide t o C a r e e r S u c c e s s .
H a rp e r and
B r o s . , New Y o r k , 1 9 4 8 . 5.
D aly, S h e ila :
P e rso n a lity P lu s.
D o d d , M e ad e a n d C o . ,
New Y o r k , 1 9 4 6 . 6.
F a e g r e , M. N . :
U nderstanding O u rse lv es.
U n iv ersity of
M innesota . P r e s s , M in n e so ta, 1943. 7.
G oodrich, L . : Co.,
8.
In c .,
9.
L o o k in g Toward M a r r i a g e .
San F r a n c i s c o ,
McLean, D o n a ld :
Ryan, M .:
A lly n and
1944.
K n o w in g Y o u r s e l f a n d O t h e r s .
a n d C o . , New Y o r k , 10.
D oubleday D oran and
New Y o r k , 1 9 4 2 .
J o h n s o n , R. H . : Bacon C o .,
L iv in g w ith O th e rs.
H arry H olt
1938.
Your C l o t h e s a n d P e r s o n a l i t y .
D. A p p l e t o n
C o . , New Y o r k , 1 9 4 2 . 11.
ZuTavern, A . , and E r ic k s o n , E . : H. M. Rowe C o . ,
The B u s i n e s s
C hicago, 1942.
w avB R srrv
o p s o l t t io r : :
Ca l i f o r n i a
l ib r a b t
of L ife .